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diff --git a/41735-8.txt b/41735-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 0d933b5..0000000 --- a/41735-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,8401 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl of the Period and Other Social -Essays, Vol. I (of 2), by Eliza Lynn Linton - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: The Girl of the Period and Other Social Essays, Vol. I (of 2) - -Author: Eliza Lynn Linton - -Release Date: December 30, 2012 [EBook #41735] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRL OF THE PERIOD, VOL I *** - - - - -Produced by Clarity, Mary Akers and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - - - - - THE - GIRL OF THE PERIOD - ETC. - - VOL. I. - - - - - [REPRINTED, _by permission, from the_ SATURDAY REVIEW] - - - - - THE - GIRL OF THE PERIOD - - AND OTHER - Social Essays - - BY - E. LYNN LINTON - - AUTHOR OF 'THE ATONEMENT OF LEAM DUNDAS' 'UNDER WHICH LORD?' - 'THE REBEL OF THE FAMILY' 'IONE' ETC. - - IN TWO VOLUMES - - VOL. I. - -[Illustration] - - LONDON - RICHARD BENTLEY & SON, NEW BURLINGTON STREET - Publishers in Ordinary to Her Majesty the Queen - - 1883 - - [_All rights reserved_] - - - - - LONDON: PRINTED BY - SPOTTISWOODE AND CO., NEW-STREET SQUARE - AND PARLIAMENT STREET - - - - - Dedicated - TO - ALL GOOD GIRLS - AND - TRUE WOMEN - - - - -PREFACE. - - -So many false reports followed the appearance of these essays, that I -am grateful to the authorities of the _Saturday Review_ for their -present permission to republish them under my own name, even though -the best of the day has a little gone by, and other forms of folly -have been flying about since these were shot at. The essays hit -sharply enough at the time, and caused some ill-blood. 'The Girl of -the Period' was especially obnoxious to many to whom women were the -Sacred Sex above criticism and beyond rebuke; and I had to pay pretty -smartly in private life, by those who knew, for what they termed a -libel and an untruth. With these passionate repudiators on the one -hand, on the other were some who, trading on the enforced anonymity of -the paper, took spurious credit to themselves for the authorship. I -was twice introduced to the 'Writer of the "Girl of the Period."' The -first time he was a clergyman who had boldly told my friends that he -had written the paper; the second, she was a lady of rank well -known in London society, and to this hour believed by her own circle -to have written this and other of the articles included in the present -collection. I confess that, whether for praise or blame, I am glad to -be able at last to assume the full responsibility of my own work. - -In re-reading these papers I am more than ever convinced that I have -struck the right chord of condemnation, and advocated the best virtues -and most valuable characteristics of women. I neither soften nor -retract a line of what I have said. One of the modern phases of -womanhood--hard, unloving, mercenary, ambitious, without domestic -faculty and devoid of healthy natural instincts--is still to me a -pitiable mistake and a grave national disaster. And I think now, as I -thought when I wrote these papers, that a public and professional life -for women is incompatible with the discharge of their highest duties -or the cultivation of their noblest qualities. I think now, as I -thought then, that the sphere of human action is determined by the -fact of sex, and that there does exist both natural limitation and -natural direction. This creed, which summarizes all that I have said -_in extenso_, I repeat with emphasis, and maintain with the conviction -of long years of experience. - - E. LYNN LINTON. - - 1883. - - - - -CONTENTS OF THE FIRST VOLUME. - - - PAGE - - THE GIRL OF THE PERIOD 1 - - MODERN MOTHERS (I.) 10 - - MODERN MOTHERS (II.) 19 - - PAYING ONE'S SHOT 27 - - WHAT IS WOMAN'S WORK? 37 - - LITTLE WOMEN 48 - - IDEAL WOMEN 58 - - PINCHBECK 69 - - AFFRONTED WOMANHOOD 79 - - FEMININE AFFECTATIONS 88 - - INTERFERENCE 99 - - THE FASHIONABLE WOMAN 109 - - SLEEPING DOGS 119 - - BEAUTY AND BRAINS 128 - - NYMPHS 137 - - MÉSALLIANCES 147 - - WEAK SISTERS 157 - - PINCHING SHOES 167 - - SUPERIOR BEINGS 176 - - FEMININE AMENITIES 184 - - GRIM FEMALES 193 - - MATURE SIRENS 203 - - PUMPKINS 213 - - WIDOWS 223 - - DOLLS 234 - - CHARMING WOMEN 244 - - APRON-STRINGS 254 - - FINE FEELINGS 264 - - SPHINXES 273 - - FLIRTING 281 - - SCRAMBLERS 290 - - FLATTERY 299 - - LA FEMME PASSÉE 309 - - SPOILT WOMEN 317 - - DOVECOTS 325 - - BORED HUSBANDS 335 - - - - -ESSAYS -UPON -SOCIAL SUBJECTS. - - - - -_THE GIRL OF THE PERIOD._ - - -Time was when the phrase, 'a fair young English girl,' meant the ideal -of womanhood; to us, at least, of home birth and breeding. It meant a -creature generous, capable, modest; something franker than a -Frenchwoman, more to be trusted than an Italian, as brave as an -American but more refined, as domestic as a German and more graceful. -It meant a girl who could be trusted alone if need be, because of the -innate purity and dignity of her nature, but who was neither bold in -bearing nor masculine in mind; a girl who, when she married, would be -her husband's friend and companion, but never his rival; one who would -consider his interests as identical with her own, and not hold him as -just so much fair game for spoil; who would make his house his true -home and place of rest, not a mere passage-place for vanity and -ostentation to pass through; a tender mother, an industrious -housekeeper, a judicious mistress. - -We prided ourselves as a nation on our women. We thought we had the -pick of creation in this fair young English girl of ours, and envied -no other men their own. We admired the languid grace and subtle fire -of the South; the docility and childlike affectionateness of the East -seemed to us sweet and simple and restful; the vivacious sparkle of -the trim and sprightly Parisienne was a pleasant little excitement -when we met with it in its own domain; but our allegiance never -wandered from our brown-haired girls at home, and our hearts were less -vagrant than our fancies. This was in the old time, and when English -girls were content to be what God and nature had made them. Of late -years we have changed the pattern, and have given to the world a race -of women as utterly unlike the old insular ideal as if we had created -another nation altogether. The Girl of the Period, and the fair young -English girl of the past, have nothing in common save ancestry and -their mother-tongue; and even of this last the modern version makes -almost a new language, through the copious additions it has received -from the current slang of the day. - -The Girl of the Period is a creature who dyes her hair and paints her -face, as the first articles of her personal religion--a creature whose -sole idea of life is fun; whose sole aim is unbounded luxury; and -whose dress is the chief object of such thought and intellect as -she possesses. Her main endeavour is to outvie her neighbours in the -extravagance of fashion. No matter if, in the time of crinolines, she -sacrifices decency; in the time of trains, cleanliness; in the time of -tied-back skirts, modesty; no matter either, if she makes herself a -nuisance and an inconvenience to every one she meets;--the Girl of the -Period has done away with such moral muffishness as consideration for -others, or regard for counsel and rebuke. It was all very well in -old-fashioned times, when fathers and mothers had some authority and -were treated with respect, to be tutored and made to obey, but she is -far too fast and flourishing to be stopped in mid-career by these slow -old morals; and as she lives to please herself, she does not care if -she displeases every one else. - -Nothing is too extraordinary and nothing too exaggerated for her -vitiated taste; and things which in themselves would be useful reforms -if let alone become monstrosities worse than those which they have -displaced so soon as she begins to manipulate and improve. If a -sensible fashion lifts the gown out of the mud, she raises hers midway -to her knee. If the absurd structure of wire and buckram, once called -a bonnet, is modified to something that shall protect the wearer's -face without putting out the eyes of her companion, she cuts hers down -to four straws and a rosebud, or a tag of lace and a bunch of glass -beads. If there is a reaction against an excess of Rowland's Macassar, -and hair shiny and sticky with grease is thought less nice than -if left clean and healthily crisp, she dries and frizzes and sticks -hers out on end like certain savages in Africa, or lets it wander down -her back like Madge Wildfire's, and thinks herself all the more -beautiful the nearer she approaches in look to a negress or a maniac. - -With purity of taste she has lost also that far more precious purity -and delicacy of perception which sometimes mean more than appears on -the surface. What the _demi-monde_ does in its frantic efforts to -excite attention, she also does in imitation. If some fashionable -_dévergondée en évidence_ is reported to have come out with her dress -below her shoulder-blades, and a gold strap for all the sleeve thought -necessary, the Girl of the Period follows suit next day; and then she -wonders that men sometimes mistake her for her prototype, or that -mothers of girls not quite so far gone as herself refuse her as a -companion for their daughters. She has blunted the fine edges of -feeling so much that she cannot understand why she should be condemned -for an imitation of form which does not include imitation of fact. She -cannot be made to see that modesty of appearance and virtue in deed -ought to be inseparable; and that no good girl can afford to appear -bad, under pain of receiving the contempt awarded to the bad. - -This imitation of the _demi-monde_ in dress leads to something in -manner and feeling, not quite so pronounced perhaps, but far too like -to be honourable to herself or satisfactory to her friends. It -leads to slang, bold talk and general fastness; to the love of -pleasure and indifference to duty; to the desire of money before -either love or happiness; to uselessness at home, dissatisfaction with -the monotony of ordinary life, horror of all useful work; in a word, -to the worst forms of luxury and selfishness--to the most fatal -effects arising from want of high principle and absence of tender -feeling. - -The Girl of the Period envies the queens of the _demi-monde_ far more -than she abhors them. She sees them gorgeously attired and sumptuously -appointed, and she knows them to be flattered, fêted, and courted with -a certain disdainful admiration of which she catches only the -admiration while she ignores the disdain. They have all that for which -her soul is hungering; and she never stops to reflect at what a price -they have bought their gains, and what fearful moral penalties they -pay for their sensuous pleasures. She sees only the coarse gilding on -the base token, and shuts her eyes to the hideous figure in the midst -and the foul legend written round the edge. It is this envy of the -pleasures, and indifference to the sins, of these women of the -_demi-monde_ which is doing such infinite mischief to the modern girl. -They brush too closely by each other, if not in actual deeds, yet in -aims and feelings; for the luxury which is bought by vice with the one -is that thing of all in life most passionately desired by the other, -though she is not yet prepared to pay quite the same price. -Unfortunately, she has already paid too much--all that once gave her -distinctive national character. - -No one can say of the modern English girl that she is tender, loving, -retiring or domestic. The old fault so often found by keen-sighted -Frenchwomen, that she was so fatally _romanesque_, so prone to -sacrifice appearances and social advantages for love, will never be -set against the Girl of the Period. Love indeed is the last thing she -thinks of, and the least of the dangers besetting her. Love in a -cottage--that seductive dream which used to vex the heart and disturb -the calculations of the prudent mother--is now a myth of past ages. -The legal barter of herself for so much money, representing so much -dash, so much luxury and pleasure--that is her idea of marriage; the -only idea worth entertaining. For all seriousness of thought -respecting the duties or the consequences of marriage, she has not a -trace. If children come, they find but a stepmother's cold welcome -from her; and if her husband thinks that he has married anything that -is to belong to him--a _tacens et placens uxor_ pledged to make him -happy--the sooner he wakes from his hallucination and understands that -he has simply married some one who will condescend to spend his money -on herself, and who will shelter her indiscretions behind the shield -of his name, the less severe will be his disappointment. She has -married his house, his carriage, his balance at the banker's, his -title; and he himself is just the inevitable condition clogging -the wheel of her fortune; at best an adjunct, to be tolerated with -more or less patience as may chance. For it is only the old-fashioned -sort, not Girls of the Period _pur sang_, who marry for love, or put -the husband before the banker. But the Girl of the Period does not -marry easily. Men are afraid of her; and with reason. They may amuse -themselves with her for an evening, but they do not readily take her -for life. Besides, after all her efforts, she is only a poor copy of -the real thing; and the real thing is far more amusing than the copy, -because it is real. Men can get that whenever they like; and when they -go into their mothers' drawing-rooms, with their sisters and their -sisters' friends, they want something of quite a different flavour. -_Toujours perdrix_ is bad providing all the world over; but a -continual weak imitation of _toujours perdrix_ is worse. - -If we must have only one kind of thing, let us have it genuine, and -the queens of St. John's Wood in their unblushing honesty rather than -their imitators and make-believes in Bayswater and Belgravia. For, at -whatever cost of shocked self-love or pained modesty it may be, it -cannot be too plainly told to the modern English girl that the net -result of her present manner of life is to assimilate her as nearly as -possible to a class of women whom we must not call by their proper--or -improper--name. And we are willing to believe that she has still some -modesty of soul left hidden under all this effrontery of fashion, -and that, if she could be made to see herself as she appears to the -eyes of men, she would mend her ways before too late. - -It is terribly significant of the present state of things when men are -free to write as they do of the women of their own nation. Every word -of censure flung against them is two-edged, and wounds those who -condemn as much as those who are condemned; for surely it need hardly -be said that men hold nothing so dear as the honour of their women, -and that no one living would willingly lower the repute of his mother -or his sisters. It is only when these have placed themselves beyond -the pale of masculine respect that such things could be written as are -written now. When women become again what they were once they will -gather round them the love and homage and chivalrous devotion which -were then an Englishwoman's natural inheritance. - -The marvel in the present fashion of life among women is, how it holds -its ground in spite of the disapprobation of men. It used to be an -old-time notion that the sexes were made for each other, and that it -was only natural for them to please each other, and to set themselves -out for that end. But the Girl of the Period does not please men. She -pleases them as little as she elevates them; and how little she does -that, the class of women she has taken as her models of itself -testifies. All men whose opinion is worth having prefer the simple and -genuine girl of the past, with her tender little ways and pretty -bashful modesties, to this loud and rampant modernization, with her -false red hair and painted skin, talking slang as glibly as a man, and -by preference leading the conversation to doubtful subjects. She -thinks she is piquante and exciting when she thus makes herself the -bad copy of a worse original; and she will not see that though men -laugh with her they do not respect her, though they flirt with her -they do not marry her; she will not believe that she is not the kind -of thing they want, and that she is acting against nature and her own -interests when she disregards their advice and offends their taste. We -do not understand how she makes out her account, viewing her life from -any side; but all we can do is to wait patiently until the national -madness has passed, and our women have come back again to the old -English ideal, once the most beautiful, the most modest, the most -essentially womanly in the world. - - - - -_MODERN MOTHERS._ - -I. - - -No human affection has been so passionately praised as maternal love, -and none is supposed to be so holy or so strong. Even the poetic -aspect of that instinct which inspires the young with their dearest -dreams does not rank so high as this; and neither lover's love nor -conjugal love, neither filial affection nor fraternal, comes near the -sanctity or grandeur of the maternal instinct. But all women are not -equally rich in this great gift; and, to judge by appearances, English -women are at this moment wonderfully poor. It may seem a harsh thing -to say, but it is none the less true:--society has put maternity out -of fashion, and the nursery is nine times out of ten a place of -punishment, not of pleasure, to the modern mother. - -Two points connected with this subject are of growing importance at -this present time--the one is the increasing disinclination of married -women to be mothers at all; the other, the large number of those who, -being mothers, will not, or cannot, nurse their own children. In the -mad race after pleasure and excitement now going on through -English society the tender duties of motherhood have become simply -disagreeable restraints, and the old feeling of the blessing attending -the quiver full is exchanged for one the very reverse. With some of -the more intellectual and less instinctive sort, maternity is looked -on as a kind of degradation; and women of this stamp, sensible enough -in everything else, talk impatiently among themselves of the base -necessities laid on them by men and nature, and how hateful to them is -everything connected with their characteristic duties. - -This wild revolt against nature, and specially this abhorrence of -maternity, is carried to a still greater extent by American women; -with grave national consequences resulting; but though we have not yet -reached the Transatlantic limit, the state of feminine feeling and -physical condition among ourselves will disastrously affect the future -unless something can be done to bring our women back to a healthier -tone of mind and body. No one can object to women declining marriage -altogether in favour of a voluntary self-devotion to some project or -idea; but, when married, it is a monstrous doctrine to hold that they -are in any way degraded by the consequences, and that natural -functions are less honourable than social excitements. The world can -get on without balls and morning calls; it can get on too without -amateur art and incorrect music; but not without wives and mothers; -and those times in a nation's history when women have been social -ornaments rather than family home-stays have ever been times of -national decadence and of moral failure. - -Part of this growing disinclination is due to the enormous expense -incurred now by having children. As women have ceased to take any -active share in their own housekeeping, whether in the kitchen or the -nursery, the consequence is an additional cost for service, which is a -serious item in the yearly accounts. Women who, if they lived a -rational life, could and would nurse their children, now require a -wet-nurse, or the services of an experienced woman who can 'bring up -by hand,' as the phrase is; women who once would have had one -nursemaid now have two; and women who, had they lived a generation -ago, would have had none at all, must in their turn have a wretched -young creature without thought or knowledge, into whose questionable -care they deliver what should be the most sacred obligation and the -most jealously-guarded charge they possess. - -It is rare if, in any section of society where hired service can be -had, mothers give more than a superficial personal superintendence to -nursery or schoolroom--a superintendence about as thorough as their -housekeeping, and as efficient. The one set of duties is quite as -unfashionable as the other; and money is held to relieve from the -service of love as entirely as it relieves from the need of labour. -And yet, side by side with this personal relinquishment of natural -duties, has grown up, perhaps as an instinctive compensation, an -amount of expensive management specially remarkable. There never was a -time when children were made of so much individual importance in the -family, yet were in so little direct relation with the mother--never a -time when maternity did so little and social organization so much. -Juvenile parties; the kind of moral obligation apparently felt by all -parents to provide heated and unhealthy amusements for their boys and -girls during the holidays; extravagance in dress, following the same -extravagance among the mothers; the increasing cost of education; the -fuss and turmoil generally made over them--all render children real -burdens in a house where money is not too plentiful, and where every -child that comes is not only an additional mouth to feed and an -additional body to clothe, but a subtractor by just so much from the -family fund of pleasure. Even where there is no lack of money, the -unavoidable restraints of the condition, for at least some months, -more than counterbalance any sentimental delight to be found in -maternity. For, before all other things in life, maternity demands -unselfishness in women; and this is just the one virtue of which women -have least at this present time--just the one reason why motherhood is -at a discount, and children are regarded as inflictions instead of -blessings. - -Few middle-class women are content to bring up their children with the -old-fashioned simplicity of former times, and to let them share -and share alike in the family, with only so much difference in their -treatment as is required by their difference of state; fewer still are -willing to take on themselves the labour and care which must come with -children in the easiest-going household, and so to save in the -expenses by their own work. The shabbiest little wife, with her two -financial ends always gaping and never meeting, must have her still -shabbier little drudge to wheel her perambulator, so as to give her an -air of fine-ladyhood and being too good for such work; and the most -indolent housekeeper, whose superintendence of domestic matters takes -her just half an hour, cannot find time to go into the gardens or the -square with nurse and the children, so that she may watch over them -herself and see that they are properly cared for. - -In France, where it is the fashion for mother and _bonne_ to be -together both out of doors and at home, at least the children are not -neglected nor ill-treated, as is too often the case with us; and if -they are improperly managed, according to our ideas, the fault is in -the system, not in the want of maternal supervision. Here it is a very -rare case indeed when the mother accompanies the nurse and children; -and those days when she does are nursery gala-days to be talked of and -remembered for weeks after. As the little ones grow older, she may -occasionally take them with her when she visits her more intimate -friends; but this is for her own pleasure, not their good; and -going with them to see that they are properly cared for has nothing to -do with the matter. - -It is to be supposed that each mother has a profound belief in her own -nurse, and that when she condemns the neglect and harshness shown to -other children by the servants in charge, she makes a mental -reservation in favour of her own, and is very sure that nothing -improper nor cruel takes place in _her_ nursery. Her children do not -complain; and she always tells them to come to her when anything is -amiss. On which negative evidence she satisfies her soul, and makes -sure that all is right because she is too neglectful to see if -anything is wrong. She does not remember that her children do not -complain because they dare not. Dear and beautiful as all mammas are -to the small fry in the nursery, they are always in a certain sense -Junos sitting on the top of Mount Olympus, making occasional gracious -and benign descents, but practically too far removed for useful -interference; while nurse is an ever-present power, capable of sly -pinches and secret raids, as well as of more open oppression--a power, -therefore, to be propitiated, if only with the grim subservience of a -Yezidi too much afraid of the Evil One to oppose him. Wherefore nurse -is propitiated, failing the protection of the glorified creature just -gone to her grand dinner in a cloud of lace and a blaze of jewels; and -the first lesson taught the youthful Christian in short frocks or -knickerbockers is not to carry tales down stairs, and by no means -to let mamma know what nurse desires should be kept secret. - -A great deal of other evil, beside these sly beginnings of deceit, is -taught in the nursery; a great deal of vulgar thought, of -superstitious fear, of class coarseness. As, indeed, how must it not -be when we think of the early habits and education of the women taken -into the nursery to give the first strong indelible impressions to the -young souls under their care? Many a man with a ruined constitution, -and many a woman with shattered nerves, can trace back the beginning -of their sorrow to those neglected childish days when nurse had it all -her own way because mamma never looked below the surface, and was -satisfied with what was said instead of seeing for herself what was -done. It is an odd state of society which tolerates this transfer of a -mother's holiest and most important duty into the hands of a mere -stranger, hired by the month, and never thoroughly known. - -Where the organization of the family is of the patriarchal kind--old -retainers marrying and multiplying about the central home, and -carrying on a warm personal attachment from generation to -generation--this transfer of maternal care has not such bad effects; -but in our present way of life, without love or real relationship -between masters and servants, and where service is rendered for just -so much money down and for nothing more noble, it is a hideous system, -and one that makes the modern mother utterly inexplicable. We -wonder where her mere instincts can be, not to speak of her reason, -her love, her conscience, her pride. Pleasure and self-indulgence have -indeed gained tremendous power, in these later days, when they can -thus break down the force of the strongest law of nature--a law -stronger even than that of self-preservation. - -Folly is the true capillary attraction of the moral world, and -penetrates every stratum of society; and the folly of extravagant -attire in the drawing-room is reproduced in the nursery. Not content -with bewildering men's minds and emptying their husbands' purses for -the enhancement of their own charms, women do the same by their -children; and the mother who leaves the health and mind and temper and -purity of her offspring in the keeping of a hired nurse takes especial -care of the colour and cut of the frocks and petticoats. And there is -always the same strain after show, and the same endeavour to make a -little look a mickle. The children of five hundred a year must look -like those of a thousand; and those of a thousand must rival the -_tenue_ of little lords and ladies born in the purple; while the -amount of money spent on clothes in the tradesman class is a matter of -real amazement to those let into the secret. Simplicity of diet, too, -is going out with simplicity of dress, with simplicity of habits -generally; and stimulants and concentrated food are now the rule in -the nursery, where they mar as many constitutions as they make. More -than one child of whom we have had personal knowledge has yielded -to disease induced by too stimulating and too heating a diet; but -artificial habits demand corresponding artificiality of food, and so -the candle burns at both ends instead of one. - -Again, as for the increasing inability of educated women to nurse -their children, even if desirous of doing so, that also is a bodily -condition brought about by an unwholesome and unnatural state of life. -Late hours, high living, heated blood, and constantly breathing a -vitiated atmosphere are the causes of this alarming physical defect. -But it would be too much to expect that women should forego their -pleasurable indulgences, or do anything disagreeable to their senses, -for the sake of their offspring. They are not famous for looking far -ahead on any matter; but to expect them to look beyond themselves, and -their own present generation, is to expect the great miracle that -never comes. - - - - -_MODERN MOTHERS._ - -II. - - -There was once a superstition among us that mothers were of use in the -world; that they had their functions and duties, without which society -would not prosper nor hold together; and that much of the well-being -of humanity, present and future, depended on them. Mothers in those -bygone days were by no means effete personages or a worn-out -institution, but living powers exercising a real and pervading -influence; and they were credited with an authority which they did not -scruple to use when required. - -One of the functions recognized as specially belonging to them was -that of guarding their young people from the consequences of their own -ignorance--keeping them from dangers both physical and moral until -wise enough to take care of themselves, and supplementing by their own -experience the want of it in their children. Another was that of -preserving the tone of society on a high level, and supplying the -antiseptic element by which the rest was kept pure; as, for example, -insisting that the language used and the subjects discussed -before them were such as should not offend the modesty of virtuous -women; that the people with whom they were required to associate -should be moderately honest and well conducted; and, in short, as -mothers, discountenancing everything in other men and women which they -would not like to see imitated by their own sons and daughters. - -This was one of the fond superstitions of an elder time. For -ourselves, we boast of our freedom from superstition in these later -days; of our proud renunciation of restraints and habits which were -deemed beneficial by our forefathers; of our indifference to forms and -hatred of humbug; and of all that tends to fetter what is called -individualism. Hence we have found that we can go on without -safeguards for our young; that society does not want its matrons as -the preservative ingredient for keeping it pure; and that the world is -all the merrier for the loosening of bonds which once it was the duty -of women to draw closer. In fact, mothers have gone out, surviving -only in the form of chaperons. - -More or less on the search for her own pleasure--if by any possibility -of artifice she can be taken for less than sixty, still ready for odd -snatches of flirting as she can find occasion--or, with her faculties -concentrated on the chance of winning the rubber by indifferent -play--the chaperon's charge is not a very onerous one; and her -daughters know as well as she does that her presence is a blind rather -than a protection. They are with mamma as a form of speech; but -they are left to themselves as a matter of fact. Anyone who is in the -confidence of young people of either sex knows a little of what goes -on in the dark corners and on the steps of the stairs--a favourite -anchorage for the loosely chaperoned in private houses where two -hundred are invited and only a hundred can find room. But then the -girls are 'with mamma,' and the young men are contented souls who take -what they can get without making wry faces. Mamma, occupied in her own -well-seasoned coquetries, or absorbed in the chances of her deep -'finesse' and the winning trick, lets the girls take care of -themselves, and would think it an intolerable impertinence should a -friend hint to her that her place of chaperon included vigilant -personal guardianship, and that she would do better to keep her -daughters in her own charge than leave them to themselves. - -It is all very well for the advocates of youthful innocence to affect -to resent the slur supposed to be cast on girlhood by the advocacy of -this closer guardianship; or for those who do not know the world to -make their ignorance the measure of another's knowledge, and to deny -what they have not proved for themselves. Those who do know the world -know what they say when they deprecate the excessive freedom which is -too often granted to unmarried girls; and their warning is fully -justified by experience when they call mothers back to their duty -of stricter watchfulness. If indeed the young are capable of -self-protection, then we grant with them that mothers are a -mistake:--Let them abdicate without more ado. If license is more -desirable than modesty, and liberty better than reticence, the girls -may as well be left, as practically they are already, free from the -mother's guardianship; but if we have a doubt that way, we may as well -give it the benefit of consideration, and think a little on the -subject before going further on the present line. - -From the first the mother, in the well-to-do classes, acts too much -the part of the hen ostrich with her eggs. She trusts to the kindly -influences of external circumstances rather than to her own care to -make the hatching successful. Nurses, governesses, schools, in turn -relieve her of the irksome duties of maternity. She sees her little -ones at their stated hour, and for the other twenty-three leaves them -to receive their first indelible impress from a class which she is -never tired of disparaging. - -As the children grow older the women by whom they are moulded become -higher in the social and intellectual scale, but they are no more than -before subordinated to the mother's personal supervision. She, for her -part, cares only that her girls shall be taught the correct shibboleth -of their station; and for the rest, if she thinks at all, she cradles -herself in a generous trust in the goodness of human nature, or the -incorruptibility of her brood beyond that of any other woman's brood. -When they come under her own immediate hand, 'finished' and ready -to be introduced, she knows about as much of them as she knows of her -neighbours' girls in the next square; and in nine cases out of ten the -sole duties towards them which are undertaken by her are shirked when -possible, as a _corvée_ which she is too wise to bear unnecessarily. -When she can, she shuffles them off on some kind neighbourly hands, -and lets her daughters 'go about' with the first person who offers, -glad to have a little breathing time on her own side, and with always -that generous trust in providence and vicarious protection which has -marked her maternal career throughout. - -In the lower half of the middle class the liberty allowed to young -girls grows yearly more and more unchecked. They walk alone, travel -alone, visit alone; and the gravest evils have been known to arise -from the habit which modern mothers have of sending their daughters of -sixteen and upwards unaccompanied in London to colleges and classes. -Mamma has grown stout and lazy, and has always some important matter -on hand that keeps her at home, half asleep in the easy-chair, while -the girls go to and fro, and take the exercise befitting their -youthful energies. Of course no harm can befall them. They are _her_ -daughters, and the warnings given by the keener-eyed, who have had -experience, are mere inventions of the enemy and slanders against the -young. So they parade the streets, dressed in the most startling and -meretricious costumes of the period; and that fatal doctrine of -self-protection counts its victims by the score as the consequence. - -The world is fond of throwing the blame of any misfortune that may -arise, now on the girl, now on the man concerned; but in honest fact -that blame really belongs to the mothers who let their daughters run -about the world without guide or guard. A work was given to them by -nature and love to do which they have neglected, a duty which they -have discarded. Whoever chooses may chaperon, accompany, mould their -daughters, so long as they are freed from the trouble; and their -dependence on the natural virtue of humanity and the beneficence of -circumstance runs exactly parallel with their own indolence and -neglect. - -In preserving the tone of society pure the modern mother is as far -removed from the former ideal as she is in the duty of taking care of -her girls. Too often she is found making herself prominent in support -of the most objectionable movements; or, when doubtful questions are -discussed in mixed society, she forgets that regard for the purity of -her daughters should keep her silent, even if her own self-respect -were too weak to restrain her. When the conscienceless world, living -without a higher aim than that of success and what is known by getting -on, condones all kinds of moral obliquity for the sake of financial -prosperity and social position, do we find that, as a rule, mothers -and matrons protest against opening their houses to this gilded -rascality? If they did--if they made demerit and not poverty the -cause of exclusion, virtue and not success the title to -reception--there would be some check to the corruption which is so -insolently rampant now. - -Women have this power in their own hands, more especially those women -who are mothers. If they would only set themselves to check the -inclination for loose talk and doubtful discussions which is -characteristic of the present moment, they could put an end to it -without delay. So also they might stop in less than a year the torrent -of slang with which Young England floods its daily speech; and by -setting themselves against the paint and dye and meretricious make-up -generally of the modern girl, they might bring next quarter's fashions -back to modesty and simplicity. - -Women are apt to murmur at their lot as one without influence, -variety, stirring purpose, space for action. But it is, on the -contrary, a lot full of dignity and importance if properly regarded -and fitly undertaken. If they do not lead armies, they make the -characters of the men who lead and are led. If they are not State -Ministers nor Parliamentary orators, they raise by their nobleness or -degrade by their want of delicacy and refinement the souls and minds -of the men who are. If they are not in the throng and press of active -life, they can cheer others on to high aims, or basely reward the -baser methods of existence. As mothers they are the artificers who -give the initial touch that lasts for life; and as women they -complete what the mother began. Society is moulded mainly by them, -and they bring up their daughters on their own pattern. - -It is surely weak and silly then to blame society for its ignoble -tone, or the young for their disorders. All men want the corrective -influence of social opinion, and it is chiefly women who create that -opinion. Youth, too, will ever be disorderly if it gets the chance, -and the race has not yet been born that carries old heads on young -shoulders. It is for the mothers to supplement by their own wisdom the -gaps left by the inexperience and ignorance of youth; it is for the -mothers to guide aright the steps that are apt, without that guidance, -to run astray, and to guard against passions, emotions, desires, -which, if left to themselves, bring only evil and disaster, but which, -guarded and directed, may be turned to the best ends. For ourselves, -we deeply regret to see the rapid extinction of motherhood in its best -sense, and decline to accept this modern loose-handed chaperon age as -its worthy substitute. We repudiate the plea of the insubordination of -the young so often put forward in defence of the new state of things, -for it is simply nonsense. The young are what the mothers make them, -just as society is what the matrons allow it to be; and if these -mothers and matrons did their duty, we should hear no more of the -wilfulness of the one or the shameless vagaries of the other. The -remedy for each lies in their own hands only. - - - - -_PAYING ONE'S SHOT._ - - -It would save much useless striving and needless disappointment if the -necessity of paying one's shot were honestly accepted as absolute--if -it were understood, once for all, that society, like other -manifestations of humanity, is managed on the principle of exchange -and barter, and equivalents demanded for value received. The -benevolence which gives out of its own impulse, with no hope of reward -save in the well-being of the recipient, has no place in the -drawing-room code of morals. We may keep a useless creature from -starving at the cost of so much of our substance _per diem_, for the -sole remuneration of thanks and the consciousness of an equivocal act -of charity; but who among us opens his doors, or gives a seat at his -table, to drawing-room paupers unable to pay their shot? who cares to -cultivate the acquaintance of men or women who are unable to make him -any return? It is not necessary that this return should be in kind--a -dinner for a dinner, a champagne supper for a champagne supper, and -balls with waxed floors for balls with stretched linen; but shot -must be paid in some form, whether in kind or not, and the social -pauper who cannot pay his quota is Lazarus excluded from the feast. -This is a hard saying, but it is a true one. We often hear worthy -people who do not understand this law complain that they are -neglected--left out of wedding breakfasts--passed over in dinner -invitations--and that they find it difficult to keep acquaintances -when made. But the fact is, these poor creatures who know so much -about the cold-shoulder of society are simply those who cannot pay -their shot, according to the currency of the class to which they -aspire; and so by degrees they get winnowed through the meshes, and -fall to a level where their funds will suffice to meet all demands, -triumphantly. For the rejected of one level are not necessarily the -rejected of all, and the base metal of one currency is sound coinage -in another. People who would find it impossible to enter a -drawing-room in Grosvenor Square may have all Bloomsbury at their -command; and what was caviare to My Lord will be ambrosia to his -valet--all depending on the amount of the shot to be paid and the -relative value of coinage wherewith to pay it. - -The most simple form of payment is of course by the elemental process -of reciprocity in kind; a dinner for a dinner and a supper for a -supper:--a form as purely instinctive as an eye for an eye and a tooth -for a tooth--the _lex talionis_ of early jurisprudence administered -among wine-cups instead of in the shambles. But there are other -modes of payment as efficient if less evident, and as imperative if -more subtle. For instance, women pay their shot--when they pay it -individually, and not through the vicarious merits of their masculine -relations--by dressing well and looking nice; some by being pretty; -some by being fashionable; a few by brilliant talk; while all ought to -add to their private speciality the generic virtue of pleasant -manners. If they are not pretty, pleasant, well-dressed nor -well-connected, and if they have no masculine pegs of power by which -they can be hooked on to the higher lines, they are let to drop -through the social meshes without an effort made to retain them, as -little fishes swim away unopposed through the loops which hold the -bigger ones. These things are their social duties--the final cause of -their drawing-room existence; and if they fail in them they fail in -the purpose for which they were created socially, and may die out as -soon as convenient. They have other duties, of course, and doubtless -of far higher moment and greater worth; but the question now is only -of their drawing-room duties--of the qualities which secure their -recognition in society--of the special coinage in which they must pay -their shot if they would assist at the great banquet of social life. A -dowdy, humdrum, well-principled woman, whose toilette looks as if it -had been made with the traditionary pitchfork, and whose powers of -conversation do not go beyond the strength of _Cobwebs to Catch -Flies_, or _Mangnall's Questions_, may be an admirable wife, -the painstaking mother of future honest citizens, invaluable by a -sick-bed, beyond price in the nursery, a pattern of all household -economies, a woman absolutely faultless in her sphere--and that sphere -a very sweet and lovely one. But her virtues are not those by which -she can pay her shot in society; and the motherly goodness, of so much -account in a dressing-jacket and list-slippers, is put out of court -when the fee to be paid is liveliness of manner or elegance of -appearance. Certainly, worthy women who dress ill and look ungraceful, -and whose conversation is about up to the mark of their children's -easy-spelling-books, are plentiful in society--unfortunately for those -bracketed with them for two hours' penance; but in most cases they -have their shot paid for them by the wealth, the importance, the -repute, or the desirableness of their relations. They may pay it -themselves by their own wealth and consequent liberal tariff of -reciprocity; but this is rare; the possession of personal superiority -of any kind for the most part acting as a moral stimulus with women -whom the superiority of their male belongings does not touch. And, by -the way, it is rather hard lines that so many celebrated men have such -dowdy wives. Artists, poets, self-made men of all kinds often fail in -this special article; and, while they themselves have caught the tone -of the circle to which they have risen, and pay their shot by manner -as well as by repute, their wives lag behind among the ashes of the -past, like Cinderellas before the advent of the fairy godmother. -How many of them are carried through society as clogs or excrescences -which a polite world is bound to tolerate with more or less -equanimity, according to the amount of sensitiveness bestowed by -nature and cultivated by art! Sometimes, however, self-made men and -their wives are wise in their generation and understand the terms on -which society receives its members; in which case the marital -Reputation goes to the front alone, and the conjugal Cinderella rests -tranquilly in the rear. - -Notoriety of all kinds, short of murder or forgery, is one way of -paying one's shot, specially into the coffers of the Leo Hunters, of -whom there are many. It is shot paid to the general fund when one has -seen an accident--better still, if one has been in it. Many a man has -owed a rise in his scale of dinners to a railway smash; and to have -been nearly burnt to death, to have escaped by a miracle from -drowning, to have been set on by footpads or to have been visited by -burglars, is worth a round of At Homes, because of the ready cash of a -real adventure. To be connected more or less remotely with the -fashionable tragedy of the hour is paying one's shot handsomely. To -have been on speaking terms with the latest respectable scoundrel -unmasked, or to have had dealings, sufficiently remote to have -been cleanly, with the newest villainy, will be accepted as shot -while the public interest in the matter lasts. A chance visit to -ultra-grandees--grandees in ratio to the ordinary sphere--is shot -paid with an air. A bad illness, or the attendance on one, with the -apparently unconscious heroism of the details, comes in as part of the -social fine; especially if the person relating his or her experience -has the knack of epigram or exaggeration, while still keeping local -colour and verisimilitude intact. Interesting people who have been -abroad and seen things have good counters for a dinner-party; paying -their shot for themselves and their hosts too, who put them forward as -their contribution to the funds of the commonwealth, with certainty of -acceptance. Some pay their shot by their power of procuring orders and -free admissions. They know the manager of this theatre or the leading -actor of that; they are acquainted with the principal members of the -hanging committees, and are therefore great in private views; they are -always good for a gratuitous treat to folks who can afford to pay -twice the sum demanded for their day's pleasure. Such people may be -stupid, ungainly, not specially polished, in grain unpleasant; but -they circulate in society because they pay their shot and give back -equivalents for value received. A country-house, where there is a good -tennis-ground and a blushing bed of strawberries, is coinage that will -carry the possessor very far ahead through London society; and by the -same law you will find healthy, well-conditioned country folk tolerate -undeniable little snobs of low calibre because of that sixteen-roomed -house in Tyburnia, a visit to which represents so many concerts, so -many theatres, a given number of exhibitions, and a certain -quantity of operas and parties. Had those undeniable little snobs no -funds wherewith to pay their shot, they would have had no place kept -for them among the rose-trees and the strawberry-beds; but, bringing -their quota as they do, they take their seat with the rest and are -helped in their turn. - -In fact, humiliating to our self-love as it may be, the truth is, we -are all valued socially, not for ourselves integrally, not for the -mere worth of the naked soul, but for the kind of shot that we -pay--for the advantage or amusement to others that we can bring--for -something in ourselves which renders us desirable as companions--or -for something belonging to our condition which makes us remunerative -as guests. If we have no special qualification, if we neither look -nice nor talk well, neither bring glory nor confer pleasure, we must -expect to be shunted to the side in favour of others who are up to the -right mark and who give as much as they receive. If this truth were -once fully established as a matter of social science, a great advance -would be made; for nothing helps people so much as to clear a subject -of what fog may lie about it. And as the tendency of the age is to -discover the fixed laws which regulate the mutable affairs of man, it -would be just as well to extend the inquiry from the jury-box to the -dinner-table, and from the blue-book to the visiting-list. Why is it -that some people struggle all their lives to get a footing in society, -yet die as they have lived--social Sisyphuses, never accomplishing -their perpetually-recurring task? There must be a reason for it, -seeing that nothing is ruled by blind chance, though much seems -to lie outside the independent will of the individual. Enlighten -these worthy people's minds on the unwritten laws of invitation, and -show them that--thoroughly honest souls and to be trusted with untold -gold or with their neighbour's pretty wife, which is perhaps a harder -test, as they may be--they are by no means to be trusted with the -amusement of a couple of companions at a dinner-table. Show them that, -how rich soever they may be in the rough gold of domestic morality, -they are bankrupts in the small-change which alone passes current in -society--and, if invited where they aspire to be, they would be taken -on as pauper cousins unable to pay their footing and good for neither -meat nor garnish. Let them learn how to pay their shot, and their -difficulties would vanish. They would leave off repeating the fable of -Sisyphus, and attain completion of endeavour. No one need say this is -a hard or a selfish doctrine, for we all follow it in practice. Among -the people we invite to our houses are some whom we do not specially -like, but whom we must ask because of shot paid in kind. There are -people who may be personally disagreeable, ill-educated, -uninteresting, ungainly, but whom we cannot cut because of the -relations in which we stand towards them, and who take their place by -right, because they pay their shot with punctuality. There are -others whom we ask because of liking or desirability, and shot paid in -some specific form of pleasantness, as in beauty, fashion, good -manner, notoriety; but there are none absolutely barren of all gifts -of pleasantness to the guests, of reflected honour to ourselves, and -of social small-change according to the currency. We do not go into -the byways and hedges to pick up drawing-room tatterdemalions who -bring nothing with them and are simply so much deadweight on the rest, -occupying so much valuable space and consuming so much vital energy. -The law of reciprocity may be hard on the strivers who are ignorant of -its inexorable provisions; but it is a wholesome law, like other rules -and enactments against remediable pauperism. And were we once -thoroughly to understand that, if we would sit securely at the table -we must put something of value into the pool--that we must possess -advantageous circumstances, or personal desirabilities, as the shot to -be paid for our place--the art of society would be better cultivated -than it is now, and the classification of guests would be carried out -with greater judgment. Surely, if the need of being gracious in -manner, sprightly in talk, and of pleasant appearance generally--all -cultivable qualities, and to be learned if not born in us by -nature--were accepted as an absolute necessity, without which we must -expect to be overlooked and excluded, drawing-rooms would be far -brighter and dinner-tables far pleasanter than they are at present; to -the advantage of all concerned! And, after all, society is a -great thing in human life. If not equal in importance to the family, -or to political virtue, it has its own special value; and whatever -adds to its better organization is a gain in every sense. - - - - -_WHAT IS WOMAN'S WORK?_ - - -This is a question which one half the world is at this moment asking -the other half; with very wild answers as the result. Woman's work -seems to be in these days everything that it was not in times past, -and nothing that it was. Professions are undertaken and careers -invaded which were formerly held sacred to men; while things are left -undone which, for all the generations that the world has lasted, have -been naturally and instinctively assigned to women to do. From the -savage squaw gathering fuel or drawing water for the wigwam, to the -lady giving up the keys to her housekeeper, housekeeping has been -considered one of the primary functions of women. The man to -provide--the woman to dispense; the man to do the rough initial work -of bread-winning, whether as a half-naked barbarian hunting live meat -or as a City clerk painfully scoring lines of rugged figures--the -woman to cook the meat when got, and to lay out to the best advantage -for the family the quarter's salary gained by casting up ledgers and -writing advices and bills of lading. Take human society in any -phase we like, we must come down to these radical conditions; and any -system which ignores this division of labour, and confounds these -separate functions, is of necessity imperfect and wrong. We have -nothing whatever to say against the professional self-support of women -who have no men to work for them, and who must therefore work for -themselves in order to live. In what direction soever they can best -make their way, let them take it. Brains and intellectual gifts are of -no sex and no condition, and it is far more important that good work -should be done than that it should be done by this or that particular -set of workers. But we are speaking of the home duties of married -women, and of those girls who have no need to earn their daily bread, -and who are not so specially gifted as to be driven afield by the -irrepressible power of genius. We are speaking of women who cannot -help in the family income, but who might both save and improve in the -home; women whose lives are one long day of idleness, _ennui_ and -vagrant imagination, because they despise the activities into which -they were born, while seeking outlets for their energies impossible to -them both by functional and social restrictions. - -It is strange to see into what unreasonable disrepute active -housekeeping--first social duty--has fallen in England. Take a family -with four or five hundred a year--and we know how small a sum that is -for 'genteel humanity' in these days--the wife who is an active -housekeeper, even with such an income, is an exception to the -rule; and the daughters who are anything more than drawing-room dolls -waiting for husbands to transfer them to a home of their own, where -they may be as useless as they are now, are rarer still. For things -are getting worse, not better, and our young women are less useful -even than were their mothers; while these last do not, as a rule, come -near the housekeeping ladies of olden times, who knew every secret of -domestic economy and made a wise and pleasant 'distribution of bread' -their grand point of honour. The usual method of London housekeeping, -even in the second ranks of the middle-classes, is for the mistress to -give her orders in the kitchen in the morning, leaving the cook to -pass them on to the tradespeople when they call. If she be not very -indolent, and if she have a due regard for neatness and cleanliness, -she may supplement her kitchen commands by going up stairs through -some of the bedrooms; but after a kind word of advice to the housemaid -if she be sweet-tempered, or a harsh note of censure if she be of the -cross-grained type, her work in that department will be done, and her -duties for the day are at an end. There is none of the clever -marketing by which fifty per cent. is saved in the outlay, if a woman -knows what she is about and how to buy; none of that personal -superintendence, so encouraging to servants when genially performed, -which renders slighted work impossible; none of that 'seeing to -things' herself, or doing the finer parts of the work with her -own hands, which used to form part of a woman's unquestioned duty. She -gives her orders, weighs out her supplies, then leaves the maids to do -the best they know or the worst they will, according to the degree in -which they are supplied with faculty or conscience. Many women boast -that their housekeeping takes them perhaps an hour, perhaps half an -hour, in the morning, and no more; and they think themselves clever -and commendable in proportion to the small amount of time given to -their largest family duty. This is all very well where the income is -such as to secure first-class servants--professors of certain -specialities of knowledge and far in advance of the mistress; but how -about the comfort of the house under this hasty generalship, when the -maids are mere scrubs who ought to go through years of training if -they are ever to be worth their salt? It may be very well too in large -households governed by general system, and not by individual ruling; -but where the service is scant and poor, it is a stupid, -uncomfortable, as well as wasteful way of housekeeping. It is -analogous to English cookery--a revolting poverty of result with -flaring prodigality of means; all the pompous paraphernalia of -tradespeople and their carts and their red-books for orders, with -nothing worth the trouble of booking; and everything of less quantity -and lower quality than would be if personal pains were taken--which is -always the best economy. - -What is there in practical housekeeping less honourable than the -ordinary work of middle-class gentlewomen? and why should women shrink -from doing for utility, and for the general comfort of the family, -what they would do at any time for vanity or idleness? No one need go -into extremes, and wish our middle-class gentlewomen to become -exaggerated Marthas occupied only with much serving, Nausicaas washing -linen, or 'wise Penelopes' spending their lives in needlework alone. -But, without undertaking anything unpleasant to her senses or -degrading to her condition, a lady might do hundreds of things which -are now left undone in a house, or are given up to the coarse handling -of servants; and domestic life would gain in consequence. What -degradation, for instance, is there in cookery? and how much more home -happiness would there not be if wives would take in hand that great -cold-mutton question? But women are both selfish and small on this -point. Born for the most part with feebly-developed gustativeness, -they affect to despise the stronger instinct in men, and think it low -and sensual if they are expected to give special attention to the -meals of the man who provides the meat. This contempt for good cooking -is one cause of the ignorance there is among them of how to secure -good living. Those horrible traditions of 'plain roast and boiled' -cling about them as articles of culinary faith; and because they have -reached no higher knowledge for themselves, they decide that no one -else shall go beyond them. For one middle-class gentlewoman who -understands anything about cookery, or who really cares for it as -a scientific art or domestic necessity, there are ten thousand who do -not; yet our mothers and grandmothers were not ashamed to be known as -deft professors, and homes were happier in proportion to the respect -paid to the stewpan and the stockpot. And cookery is more interesting -now than it was then, because more advanced, more scientific, and with -improved appliances; and, at the same time, it is of confessedly more -importance. - -It may seem humiliating, to those who go in for spirit pure and -simple, to speak of the condition of the soul as in any way determined -by beef and cabbage; but it is so, nevertheless; the connexion between -food and virtue, food and thought, being a very close one. And the -sooner wives recognize this connexion the better for them and for -their husbands. The clumsy savagery of a plain cook, or the vile -messes of a fourth-rate confectioner, are absolute sins in a house -where a woman has all her senses, and can, if she will, attend -personally to the cooking. Many things pass for crimes which are -really not so bad as this. But how seldom do we find a house where the -lady does look after the food of the family; where clean hands and -educated brains are put to active service for the good of others! The -trouble would be too great in our fine-lady days, even if there were -the requisite ability; but there is as little ability as there is -energy, and the plain cook with her savagery and the fourth-rate -confectioner with his rancid pastry, have it all their own way, -according as the election is for economy or ostentation. If by chance -we stumble on a household where the woman does not disdain housewifely -work, and specially does not disdain the practical superintendence of -the kitchen, there we are sure to find cheerfulness and content. - -There seems to be something in the life of a practical housekeeper -that answers to the needs of a woman's best nature, and that makes her -pleasant and good-humoured. Perhaps it is the consciousness that she -is doing her duty--of itself a wonderful sweetener of the temper; -perhaps the greater amount of bodily exercise keeps her liver in good -case; whatever the cause, sure it is that the homes of the active -housekeepers are more harmonious than those of the feckless and -do-nothing sort. Yet the snobbish half of the middle-classes holds -housewifely work as degrading, save in the trumpery pretentiousness of -'giving orders.' A woman may sit in a dirty drawing room which the -slipshod maid has not had time to clean, but she must not take a -duster in her hands and polish the legs of the chairs:--there is no -disgrace in the dirt, only in the duster. She may do fancy-work of no -earthly use, but she must not be caught making a gown. Indeed very few -women could make one, and as few will do plain needlework. They will -braid and embroider, 'cut holes, and sew them up again,' and spend any -amount of time and money on beads and wools for messy draperies which -no one wants. The end, being finery, sanctions the toil and -refines it. But they will not do things of practical use; or, if they -are compelled by the exigencies of circumstances, they think -themselves martyrs and badly used by the Fates. - -The whole scheme of woman's life at this present time is untenable and -unfair. She wants to have all the pleasures and none of the -disagreeables. Her husband goes to the City and does monotonous and -unpleasant work there; but his wife thinks herself very hardly dealt -with if asked to do monotonous housework at home. Yet she does nothing -more elevating nor more advantageous. Novel-reading, fancy-work, -visiting and letter-writing, sum up her ordinary occupations; and she -considers these more to the point than practical housekeeping. In fact -it becomes a serious question what women think themselves sent into -the world for--what they hold themselves designed by God to be or to -do. They grumble at having children and at the toil and anxiety which -a family entails; they think themselves degraded to the level of -servants if they have to do any practical housework whatever; they -assert their equality with man, and express their envy of his life, -yet show themselves incapable of learning the first lesson set to -men--that of doing what they do not like to do. What, then, do they -want? What do they hold themselves made for? Certainly some of the -more benevolent sort carry their energies out of doors, and leave such -prosaic matters as savoury dinners and fast shirt-buttons for -committees and charities, where they get excitement and _kudos_ -together. Others give themselves to what they call keeping up society, -which means being more at home in every person's house than their own; -and some do a little weak art, and others a little feeble literature; -but there are very few indeed who honestly buckle to the natural -duties of their position, and who bear with the tedium of home-work as -men bear with the tedium of office-work. - -The little royalty of home is the last place where a woman cares to -shine, and the most uninteresting of all the domains she seeks to -govern. Fancy a high-souled creature, capable of æsthetics, giving her -mind to soup or the right proportion of chutnee for the curry! Fancy, -too, a brilliant creature fore-going an evening's conversational glory -abroad for the sake of a prosaic husband's more prosaic dinner! He -comes home tired from work, and desperately in need of a good dinner -as a restorative; but the plain cook gives him cold meat and pickles, -or an abomination which she calls hash, and the brilliant creature, -full of mind, thinks the desire for anything else rank sensuality. It -seems a little hard, certainly, on the unhappy fellow who works at the -mill for such a return; but women believe that men are made only to -work at the mill that they may receive the grist accruing, and be kept -in idleness and uselessness all their lives. They have no idea of -lightening the labour of that mill-round by doing their own -natural work cheerfully and diligently. They will do everything but -what they ought to do. They will make themselves doctors, -committee-women, printers, what not; but they will not learn cooking, -and they will not keep their own houses. There never was a time when -women were less the helpmates of men than they are at present; when -there was such a wide division between the interests and the -sympathies of the sexes coincident with the endeavour, on the one -side, to approximate their pursuits. - -A great demand is being made now for more work for woman and wider -fields for her labour. We confess we should feel a deeper interest in -the question if we saw more energy and conscience put into the work -lying to her hand at home; and we hold that she ought to perfectly -perform the duties which we may call instinctive to her sex before -claiming those hitherto held remote from her natural condition. Much -of this demand springs from restlessness and dissatisfaction; little, -if any, from higher aspirations or nobler energies unused. Indeed, the -nobler the woman the more thoroughly she will do her own proper work, -in the spirit of old George Herbert's well-worn line; and the less she -will feel herself above that work. It is only the weak who cannot -raise their circumstances to the level of their thoughts; only the -poor in spirit who cannot enrich their deeds by their motives. - -That very much of this demand for more power of work comes from -necessity and the absolute need of bread, we know; and that the demand -will grow louder as marriage becomes scarcer, and there are more women -adrift in the world without the protection and help of men, we also -know. But this belongs to another part of the subject. What we want to -insist on now is the pitiable ignorance and shiftless indolence of -most middle-class housekeepers; and what we would urge on woman is the -value of a better system of life at home before laying claim to the -discharge of extra-domestic duties abroad. - - - - -_LITTLE WOMEN._ - - -The conventional idea of a brave, energetic, or a supremely criminal, -woman has always been that of a tall, dark-haired, large-armed virago -who might pass as the younger brother of her husband, and about whom -nature seemed to have hesitated before determining whether to make her -a man or a woman:--a kind of debateable land, in fact, between the two -sexes, and almost as much the one as the other. Helen Macgregor, Lady -Macbeth, Catharine de Medici, Mrs. Manning, and the old-fashioned -murderesses in novels, were all of the muscular, black-brigand type, -with more or less of regal grace super-added according to -circumstances; and it would have been thought nothing but a puerile -fancy to have supposed the contrary of those whose personal -description was not already known. Crime, indeed, in art and fiction, -was generally painted in very nice proportion to the number of cubic -inches embodied and the depth of colour employed; though we are bound -to add that the public favour ran towards muscular heroines almost as -much as towards muscular murderesses, which to a certain extent -redressed the overweighted balance. Our later novelists, however, have -altered the whole setting of the palette. Instead of five foot ten of -black and brown, they have gone in for four foot nothing of pink and -yellow. Instead of tumbled masses of raven hair, they have shining -coils of purest gold. Instead of hollow caverns whence flash -unfathomable eyes eloquent of every damnable passion, they have limpid -lakes of heavenly blue; and their worst sinners are in all respects -fashioned as much after the outward semblance of the ideal saint as -they have skill to design. - -The original notion was a very good one, and the revolution did not -come before it was wanted; but it has been a little overdone of late, -and we are threatened with as great a surfeit of small-limbed -yellow-headed criminals as we have had of the black-haired virago. One -gets weary of the most perfect model in time, if too constantly -repeated; as now, when we have all begun to feel that the resources of -the angel's face and demon's soul have been more heavily drawn on than -is quite fair, and that, given 'heavy braids of golden hair,' -'bewildering blue eyes,' 'a small lithe frame,' and special delicacy -of feet and hands, we are booked for the companionship, through three -volumes, of a young person to whom Messalina or Lucrezia Borgia was a -mere novice. - -And yet there is a physiological truth in this association of energy -with smallness--perhaps, also, with a certain tint of yellow hair, -which, with a dash of red through it, is decidedly suggestive of -nervous force. Suggestiveness, indeed, does not go very far in an -argument; but the frequent connexion of energy and smallness in women -is a thing which all may verify in their own circles. In daily life, -who is the really formidable woman to encounter?--the black-browed, -broad-shouldered giantess, with arms almost as big in the girth as a -man's? or the pert, smart, trim little female, with no more biceps -than a ladybird, and of just about equal strength with a sparrow? Nine -times out of ten, the giantess with the heavy shoulders and broad -black eyebrows is a timid, feeble-minded, good-tempered person, -incapable of anything harsher than a mild remonstrance with her maid, -or a gentle chastisement of her children. Nine times out of ten her -husband has her in hand in the most perfect working order, so that she -would swear the moon shone at midday if it were his pleasure that she -should make a fool of herself by her submissiveness. One of the most -obedient and indolent of earth's daughters, she gives no trouble to -any one, save the trouble of rousing, exciting and setting going; -while, as for the conception or execution of any naughty piece of -self-assertion, she is as utterly incapable of either as if she were a -child unborn, and demands nothing better than to feel the pressure of -the leading-strings, and to know exactly by their strain where she is -desired to go and what to do. - -But the little woman is irrepressible. Too fragile to come into -the fighting section of humanity--a puny creature whom one blow from a -man's huge fist could annihilate--absolutely fearless, and insolent -with the insolence which only those dare show who know that -retribution cannot follow--what can be done with her? She is afraid of -nothing and to be controlled by no one. Sheltered behind her weakness -as behind a triple shield of brass, the angriest man dare not touch -her, while she provokes him to a combat in which his hands are tied. -She gets her own way in everything and everywhere. At home and abroad -she is equally dominant and irrepressible, equally free from obedience -and from fear. Who breaks all the public order in sights and shows, -and, in spite of King, Kaiser, or Policeman X, goes where it is -expressly forbidden that she shall go? Not the large-boned, muscular -woman, whatever her temperament; unless, indeed, of the exceptionally -haughty type in distinctly inferior surroundings--and then she can -queen it royally enough and set everything at most lordly defiance. - -But in general the large-boned woman obeys the orders given, because, -while near enough to man to be somewhat on a par with him, she is -still undeniably his inferior. She is too strong to shelter herself -behind her weakness, yet too weak to assert her strength and defy her -master on equal grounds. She is like a flying fish--not one thing -wholly; and while capable of the inconveniences of two lives is -incapable of the privileges of either. It is not she, for all her -well-developed frame and formidable looks, but the little woman, who -breaks the whole code of laws and defies all their defenders--the -pert, smart, pretty little woman, who laughs in your face and goes -straight ahead if you try to turn her to the right hand or to the -left, receiving your remonstrances with the most sublime indifference, -as if you were talking a foreign language she could not understand. -She carries everything before her, wherever she is. You may see her -stepping over barriers, slipping under ropes, penetrating to the green -benches with a red ticket, taking the best places on the platform over -the heads of their rightful owners, settling herself among the -reserved seats without an inch of pasteboard to float her. You cannot -turn her out by main force. British chivalry objects to the public -laying on of hands in the case of a woman, even when most recalcitrant -and disobedient; more particularly if she be a small and -fragile-looking woman. So that, if it be only a usurpation of places -specially masculine, she is allowed to retain what she has got, amid -the grave looks of the elders--not really displeased at the flutter of -her ribbons among them--and the titters and nudges of the young -fellows. - -If the battle is between her and another woman, they are left to fight -it out as they best can, with the odds laid heavily on the little one. -All this time there is nothing of the tumult of contest about her. -Fiery and combative as she generally is, when breaking the law in -public places she is the very soul of serene daring. She shows no -heat, no passion, no turbulence; she leaves these as extra weapons of -defence to women who are assailable. For herself she requires no such -aids. She knows her capabilities and the line of attack that best -suits her, and she knows, too, that the fewer points of contest she -exposes the more likely she is to slip into victory; the more she -assumes and the less she argues, the slighter the hold she gives her -opponents. She is either perfectly good-humoured or blankly innocent; -she either smiles you into indulgence or wearies you into compliance -by the sheer hopelessness of making any impression on her. She may, -indeed, if of the very vociferous and shrill-tongued kind, burst out -into such a noisy demonstration as makes you glad to escape from her, -no matter what spoils you leave in her hands; just as a mastiff will -slink away from a bantam hen all heckled feathers and screeching -cackle and tremendous assumption of doing something terrible if he -does not look out. Any way the little woman is unconquerable; and a -tiny fragment of humanity at a public show, setting all rules and -regulations at defiance, is only carrying out in the matter of benches -the manner of life to which nature has dedicated her from the -beginning. - -As a rule, the little woman is brave. When the lymphatic giantess -falls into a faint or goes off into hysterics, she storms, or bustles -about, or holds on like a game terrier, according to the work on hand. -She will fly at any man who annoys her, and she bears herself as -equal to the biggest and strongest fellow of her acquaintance. In -general she does it all by sheer pluck, and is not notorious for -subtlety or craft. Had Delilah been a little woman she would never -have taken the trouble to shear Samson's locks. She would have stood -up against him with all his strength untouched on his head, and she -would have overcome him too. Judith and Jael were both probably large -women. The work they went about demanded a certain strength of muscle -and toughness of sinew; but who can say that Jezebel was not a small, -freckled, auburn-haired Lady Audley of her time, full of the -concentrated fire, the electric force, the passionate recklessness of -her type? Regan and Goneril might have been beautiful demons of the -same pattern; we have the example of the Marchioness de Brinvilliers -as to what amount of spiritual devilry can exist with the face and -manner of an angel direct from heaven; and perhaps Cordelia was a tall -dark-haired girl, with a pair of brown eyes, and a long nose sloping -downwards. - -Look at modern Jewesses, with their flashing Oriental orbs, their -night-black tresses and the dusky shadows of their olive-coloured -complexions. As catalogued properties according to the ideal, they -would be placed in the list of the natural criminals and law-breakers, -while in reality they are about as meek and docile a set of women as -are to be found within the four seas. Pit a fiery little Welsh woman -or a petulant Parisienne against the most regal and Junonic -amongst them, and let them try conclusions in courage, in energy, in -audacity; the Israelitish Juno will go down before either of the small -Philistines, and the fallacy of weight and colour in the generation of -power will be shown without the possibility of denial. - -Even in those old days of long ago, when human characteristics were -embodied and deified, we do not find that the white-armed large-limbed -Hera, though queen by right of marriage, lorded it over her sister -goddesses by any superior energy or force of nature. On the contrary, -she was rather a heavy-going person, and, unless moved to anger by her -husband's numerous infidelities, took her Olympian life placidly -enough, and once or twice got cheated in a way that did no great -credit to her sagacity. A little Frenchwoman would have sailed round -her easily; and as it was, shrewish though she was in her speech when -provoked, her husband not only deceived but chastised her, and reduced -her to penitence and obedience as no little woman would have suffered -herself to be reduced. - -There is one celebrated race of women who were probably the -powerfully-built, large-limbed creatures they are assumed to have -been, and as brave and energetic as they were strong and big--the -Norse women of the sagas, who, for good or evil, seem to have been a -very influential element in the old Northern life. Prophetesses; -physicians; dreamers of dreams and accredited interpreters as well; -endowed with magic powers; admitted to a share in the councils of -men; brave in war; active in peace; these fair-haired Scandinavian -women were the fit comrades of their men, the fit wives and mothers of -the Berserkers and the Vikings. They had no tame nor easy life of it, -if all we hear of them be true. To defend the farm and the homestead -during their husbands' absence, and to keep these and themselves -intact against all bold rovers to whom the Tenth Commandment was an -unknown law; to dazzle and bewilder by magic arts when they could not -conquer by open strength; to unite craft and courage, deception and -daring, loyalty and independence, demanded no small amount of opposing -qualities. But the Steingerdas and Gudrunas were generally equal to -any emergency of fate or fortune, and slashed their way through the -history of their time more after the manner of men than of women; -supplementing their downright blows by side thrusts of craftier -cleverness when they had to meet power with skill and were fain to -overthrow brutality by fraud. The Norse women were certainly as -largely framed as they were mentally energetic, and as crafty as -either; but we know of no other women who unite the same -characteristics and are at once cunning, strong, brave and true. - -On the whole, then, the little women have the best of it. More petted -than their bigger sisters, and infinitely more powerful, they have -their own way in part because it really does not seem worth while -to contest a point with such little creatures. There is nothing that -wounds a man's self-respect in any victory they may get or claim. -Where there is absolute inequality of strength, there can be no -humiliation in the self-imposed defeat of the stronger; and as it is -always more pleasant to have peace than war, and as big men for the -most part rather like than not to put their necks under the tread of -tiny feet, the little woman goes on her way triumphant to the end; -breaking all the laws she does not like and throwing down all the -barriers which impede her progress; irresistible and irrepressible in -all circumstances and under any conditions. - - - - -_IDEAL WOMEN._ - - -It is often objected against fault-finders, writers or others, that -they destroy but do not build up; that while industriously blaming -errors they take good care not to praise the counteracting virtues; -that in their zeal against the vermin of which they are seeking to -sweep the house clean they forget the nobler creatures which do the -good work of keeping things sweet and wholesome. But it is impossible -to be continually introducing the saving clause, 'all are not so bad -as these.' The seven thousand righteous who have not bowed the knee to -Baal are understood to exist in all communities; and, vicious as any -special section may be, there must always be the hidden salt and -savour of the virtuous to keep the whole from falling into utter -corruption. - -This is specially true of modern women. Certainly some of them are as -unsatisfactory as any of their kind who have ever appeared on earth -before; but it would be very queer logic to infer therefore that all -are bad alike, and that our modern womanhood is as ill off as the -Cities of the Plain, which could not be saved for want of the ten just -men to save them. Happily, we have noble women among us yet; -women who believe in something besides pleasure, and who do their work -faithfully, wherever it may lie; women who can and do sacrifice -themselves for love and duty, and who do not think they were sent into -the world simply to run one mad life-long race for wealth, for -dissipation, for distinction. But the life of such women is -essentially in retirement; and though the lesson they teach is -beautiful, yet its influence is necessarily confined, because of the -narrow sphere of the teacher. When public occasions for devotedness -occur, we in some sort measure the extent to which the self-sacrifice -of women can be carried; but in general their noblest virtues come out -only in the quiet sacredness of home, and the most heroic lives of -patience and well-doing go on in seclusion, uncheered by sympathy and -unrewarded by applause. - -Still, it is impossible to write of one absolute womanly ideal--one -single type that shall satisfy every man's fancy; for, naturally, what -would be perfection to one is imperfection to another, according to -the special bent of the individual mind. Thus one man's ideal of -womanly perfection is in beauty, mere physical outside beauty; and not -all the virtues under heaven could warm him into love with red hair or -a snub nose. He is entirely happy if his wife be undeniably the -handsomest woman of his acquaintance, and holds himself blessed when -all men admire and all women envy. But he is blessed for his own -sake rather than for hers. Pleasant as her loveliness is to look on, -it is pleasanter to know that he is the possessor of it. The -'handsomest woman in the room' comes into the same category as the -finest picture or the most thoroughbred horse within his sphere; and -if the degree of pride in his possession be different, the kind is the -same. And so in minor proportions--from the most beautiful woman of -all, to simply beauty as a _sine quâ non_, whatever else may be -wanting. One other thing only is as absolute as this beauty, and that -is its undivided possession. - -Another man's ideal is a good housekeeper and a careful mother; and he -does not care a rush whether his wife, if she is these, be pretty or -ugly. Provided she is active and industrious, minds the house well, -brings up the children as they ought to be brought up, has good -principles, is trustworthy and even-tempered, he is not particular as -to colour or form, and can even be brought to tolerate a limp or a -squint. Given the broad foundations of an honourable home, and he will -forego the lath and plaster of personal appearance which will not bear -the wear and tear of years and their troubles. The solid virtues -stand. His balance at the banker's is a fact; his good name and credit -with the tradespeople are facts; so is the comfort of his home; so are -the health, the morals, the education of his children. All these are -the true realities of life to him; but the beauty which changes to -deformity by small-pox, which fades under dyspepsia, grows stale -by habit, and is worn threadbare by the end of twenty years, is only a -skin-deep grace which he does not value. Perhaps he is right. -Certainly, some of the happiest marriages amongst one's acquaintances -are those where the wife has not one perceptible physical charm, and -where the whole force of her magnetic value lies in what she is, not -in how she looks. - -Another man wants a tender, adoring, fair-haired seraph, who will -worship him as a demigod and accept him as her best revelation of -strength and wisdom. The more dependent she is, the better he will -love her; the less of conscious thought, of active will, of -originative power she has, the greater will be his regard and -tenderness. To be the one sole teacher and protector of such a gentle -little creature seems to him the most delicious joy and the best -condition of married life; and he holds Milton's famous lines to be -expressive of the only fitting relations between men and women. The -adoring seraph is his ideal; Griselda, Desdemona, Lucy Ashton, are his -highest culminations of womanly grace; and the qualities which appeal -the most powerfully to his generosity are the patience which will not -complain, the gentleness that cannot resent, and the love which -nothing can chill. - -Another man wants a cultivated intelligence in his ideal. As an -author, an artist, a student, a statesman, he would like his wife to -be able to help him by the contact of bright wit and ready intellect. -He believes in the sex of minds, and holds no work complete which -has not been created by the one and perfected by the other. He sees -how women have helped on the leaders in troublous times; he knows that -almost all great men have owed something of their greatness to the -influence of a mother or a wife; he remembers how thoughts which had -lain dumb and dormant in men's brains for more than half their -lifetime have suddenly wakened up into speech and activity by the -influence of a woman great enough to call them forth. The adoring -seraph would be an encumbrance and nothing better than a child on his -hands; and the soul which had to be awakened and directed by him would -run great chance of remaining torpid and inactive all its days. He has -his own life to lead and round off; and, so far from wishing to -influence another's, he wants to be helped for himself. - -Another man cares only for the birth and social position of the woman -to whom he gives his name and affection. To another yellow gold stands -higher than blue blood, and 'my wife's father' may have been a -rag-picker, so long as rag-picking had been distilled in a -sufficiently rich alembic leaving a residuum admitting no kind of -doubt. Venus herself without a dowry would be only a pretty seaside -girl with a Newtown pippin in her hand; but Miss Kilmansegg would be -something worth thinking of, if but little worth looking at. - -One man delights in a smart, vivacious little woman of the -irrepressible kind. It makes no difference to him how petulant -she is, how full of fire and fury; the most passionate bursts of -temper simply amuse him, like the anger of a canary-bird, and he holds -it fine fun to watch the small virago in her tantrums, and to set her -going again when he thinks she has been a long enough time in -subsidence. His ideal of woman is an amusing little plaything, with a -great facility for being put up, and a dash of viciousness to give it -piquancy. Another wants a sweet and holy saint whose patient humility -springs from principle rather than from fear; another likes a -blithe-tempered, healthy girl with no nonsense about her, full of fun -and ready for everything, and he is not particular as to the strict -order or economy of the housekeeping, provided only his wife is at all -times willing to be his pleasant playmate and companion. Another -delights in something very quiet, very silent, very home-staying. One -must have first-rate music in his ideal woman; another, unimpeachable -taste; a third, strict order; a fourth, liberal breadth of nature; and -each has his own ideal, not only of nature but of person--to the exact -shade of the hair, the colour of the eyes and the oval of the face. -But all agree in the great fundamental requirements of truth and -modesty and love and unselfishness; for though it is impossible to -write of one womanly ideal as an absolute, it is very possible to -detail the virtues which ought to belong to all alike. - -If this diversity of ideals be true of individuals, it is especially -true of nations, each of which has its own ideal woman varying -according to what is called the genius of the country. To the -Frenchman, if we are to believe Michelet and the novelists, it is a -feverish little creature, full of nervous energy but without muscular -force; of frail health and feeble organization; a prey to morbid -fancies which she has no strength to control nor yet to resist; now -weeping away her life in the pain of finding that her husband--a man -gross and material because husband--does not understand her, now -sighing over her delicious sins in the arms of the lover who does; -without reasoning faculties but with divine intuitions which are as -good as revelations; without cool judgment but with the light of -burning passions which guide her just as well; thinking by her heart -and carrying the most refined metaphysics into her love; subtle; -incomprehensible by the coarser brains of men and women who are only -honest; a creature born to bewilder and to be misled, to love and to -be adored, to madden men and to be destroyed by them. - -It does not much signify that the reality is a shrewd, calculating, -unromantic woman, with a hard face and keen eyes, who for the most -part makes a good practical wife to her common-sense middle-aged -husband, who thinks more of her social position than of her feelings, -more of her children than of her lovers, more of her purse than of her -heart, and whose great object of life is a daily struggle for -centimes. It pleases the French to idealize their eminently practical -and worldly-wise women into this queer compound of hysterics and -adultery; and if it pleases them it need not displease us. To the -German his ideal is of two kinds--one, his Martha, the domestic -broad-faced _Hausmutter_, who cooks good dinners at small cost, and -mends the family linen as religiously as if this were the Eleventh -Commandment specially appointed for feminine fingers to keep, the -poetic culmination of whom is Charlotte cutting bread and butter; the -other, his Mary, his Bettina, full of mind and æsthetics and -heart-uplifting love, yearning after the infinite with holes in her -stockings and her shoes down at heel. For what are coarse material -mendings to the æsthetic soul yearning after the Infinite and -worshipping at the feet of the prophet? - -In Italy the ideal woman of late times was the ardent patriot, full of -active energy, of physical force, of dauntless courage. In Poland it -is the patriot too, but of a more refined and etherealized type, -passively resenting Tartar tyranny by the subtlest feminine scorn, and -living in perpetual music and mourning. In Spain it is a woman -beautiful and impassioned, with the slight drawback of needing a world -of looking after, of which the men are undeniably capable. In -Mohammedan countries generally it is a comely smooth-skinned Dudù, -patient and submissive, always in good humour with her master, -economical in house-living to please the meanness, and gorgeous in -occasional attire to gratify the ostentation, of the genuine Oriental; -but by no means Dudù ever asleep and unoccupied. For, if not -allowed to take part in active outside life, the Eastern's wife or -wives have their home duties and their maternal cares like all other -women, and find to their cost that, if they unduly neglect them, they -will have a bad time of it with Ali Ben Hassan when the question comes -of piastres and sequins, and the dogs of Jews who demand payment, and -the pigs of Christians who follow suit. - -The American ideal is of two kinds, like the German--the one, the -clever manager, the woman with good executive faculty in the matters -of buckwheat cakes and oyster gumbo, as is needed in a country so -poorly provided with 'helps;' the other, the aspiring soul who puts -her aspirations into deeds, and goes out into the world to do battle -with the sins of society as editress, preacher, stump-orator and the -like. It must be rather embarrassing to some men that this special -manifestation of the ideal woman at times advocates miscegenation and -free love; but perhaps we of the narrow old conventional type are not -up to the right mark yet, and have to wait until our own women are -thoroughly emancipated before we can rightly appreciate these -questions. At all events, if this kind of thing pleases the Americans, -it is no more our business to interfere with them than with the French -compound; and if miscegenation and free love seem to them the right -manner of life, let them follow it. - -In all countries, then, the ideal woman changes, chameleon-like, to -suit the taste of men; and the great doctrine that her happiness -does somewhat depend on his liking is part of the very foundation of -her existence. According to his will she is bond or free, educated or -ignorant, lax or strict, housekeeping or roving; and though we -advocate neither the bondage nor the ignorance, yet we do hold to the -principle that, by the laws which regulate all human communities -everywhere, she is bound to study the wishes of man and to mould her -life in harmony with his liking. No society can get on in which there -is total independence of sections and members, for society is built up -on the mutual dependence of all its sections and all its members. -Hence the defiant attitude which women have lately assumed, and their -indifference to the wishes and remonstrances of men, cannot lead to -any good results whatever. It is not the revolt of slaves against -their tyrants which they have begun--in that we could sympathize--but -it is a revolt against their duties. - -And this it is which makes the present state of things so deplorable. -It is the vague restlessness, the fierce extravagance, the neglect of -home, the indolent fine-ladyism, the passionate love of pleasure which -characterises the modern woman, that saddens men and destroys in them -that respect which their very pride prompts them to feel. And it is -the painful conviction that the ideal woman of truth and modesty and -simple love and homely living has somehow faded away under the paint -and tinsel of this modern reality which makes us speak out as we -have done, in the hope--perhaps a forlorn one--that if she could be -made to thoroughly understand what men think of her, she would, by the -very force of natural instinct and social necessity, order herself in -some accordance with the lost ideal, and become again what we once -loved and what we all regret. - - - - -_PINCHBECK._ - - -Not many years ago no really refined gentlewoman would have worn -pinchbeck. False jewelry and imitation lace were touchstones with the -sex, and the woman who would condescend to either was assumed, perhaps -not quite without reason, to have lost something more than the mere -niceness of technical taste. This feeling ran through the whole of -society, and pinchbeck was considered as at once despicable and -disreputable. The successful speculator, sprung from nothing, who had -made his fortune during the war, might buy land, build himself a -mansion and set up a magnificent establishment, but he was never -looked on by the aboriginal gentry of the place as more than a lucky -adventurer; and the blue blood, perhaps nourishing itself on thin -beer, turned up its nose disdainfully at the claret and Madeira which -had been personally earned and not lineally inherited. This -exclusiveness was narrow in spirit and hard in individual working; and -yet there was a wholesome sentiment underlying its pride which made it -valuable in social ethics, if immoral on the score of natural equality -and human charity. It was the rejection of pretentiousness, however -gilded and glittering, in favour of reality, however poor and -barren; it was the condemnation of make-believe--the repudiation of -pinchbeck. It is not a generation since this was the normal attitude -of society towards its _nouveaux riches_ and Brummagem jewelry; but -time moves fast in these later days, and national sentiments change as -quickly as national fashions. - -We are in the humour to rehabilitate all things, and pinchbeck has now -its turn with the rest. The lady of slender means who would refuse to -wear imitation lace and false jewelry is as rare as the country -society which would exclude the _nouveau riche_ because of his -newness, and not adopt him because of his riches. The whole anxiety -now is, not what a thing is, but how it looks--not its quality, but -its appearance. Every part of social and domestic life is dedicated to -the apotheosis of pinchbeck. It meets us at the hall-door, where -miserable stuccoed pillars are supposed to confer a quasi-palatial -dignity on a wretched jerry-built little villa run up without regard -to one essential of home comfort or of architectural truth. It goes -with us into the cold, conventional drawing-room, where all is for -show and nothing for use, in which no one lives, and which is just the -mere pretence of a dwelling-room, set out to deceive the world into -the belief that its cheap finery is the expression of the every-day -life and circumstances of the family. It sits with us at the table, -which a confectioner out of a back street has furnished and where -everything, down to the very flowers, is hired for the occasion. -It glitters in the brooches and bracelets of the women, in the studs -and signet-rings of the men. It is in the hired broughams, the hired -waiters, the pigmy page-boys, the faded paper flowers, the cheap -champagne, and the affectation of social consideration that meet us at -every turn. The whole of the lower section of the middle-classes is -penetrated through and through with the worship of pinchbeck; and for -one family that holds itself in the honour and simplicity of truth, -ten thousand lie, to the world and to themselves, in frippery and -pretence. - -The greatest sinners in this are women. Men are often ostentatious, -often extravagant, and not unfrequently dishonest in that broad way of -dishonesty which is called living beyond their means--sometimes making -up the deficit by practices which end in the dock of the Old Bailey; -but, as a rule, they go in for the real thing in details, and their -pinchbeck is at the core rather than on the surface. Women, on the -contrary, give themselves up to a more general pretentiousness, and, -provided they can make a show, care very little about the means; -provided they can ring their metal on the counter, they ignore the -want of the hall-stamp underneath. Locality, dress, their -visiting-list and domestic appearances are the four things which they -demand shall be in accord with their neighbours'; and for these four -surfaces they will sacrifice the whole internal fabric. They will have -a showy-looking house, encrusted with base ornamentation and false -grandeur, though it lets in wind, rain and noise almost as if it -were made of mud or canvas, rather than a plain and substantial -dwelling-place, with comfort instead of stucco, and moderately thick -walls instead of porches and pilasters. Most of their time is -necessarily passed at home, but they will undergo all manner of house -discomfort resulting from this preference of cheap finery over solid -structure, rather than forego their 'genteel locality' and stereotyped -ornamentation. A family of daughters on the one side, diligent over -the 'Battle of Prague;' a nursery full of crying babies on the other; -more Battles of Prague opposite, diversified by a future Lind -practising her scales unweariedly; water-pipes bursting in the frost; -walls streaming in the thaw; the lower offices reeking and green with -damp; the upper rooms too insecure for unrestricted movement--all -these, and more miseries of the same kind, a woman given over to the -worship of pinchbeck willingly encounters rather than shift into a -locality relatively unfashionable to her sphere, but where she could -have substantiality and comfort for the same rent that she pays now -for flash and show. - -In dress it is the same thing. She must look like her neighbours, no -matter whether they can spend pounds to her shillings, so runs up a -milliner's bill beyond what she ought to afford for the whole family -expenses. If others can buy gold, she can manage pinchbeck. Glass that -looks like jet, like filagree work, like anything else she fancies, is -every bit to her as good as the real thing; and if she cannot -compass Valenciennes and Mechlin, she can go to Nottingham and buy -machine-made imitations that will make quite as fine a show. How poor -soever she may be, she must hang herself about with ornaments made of -painted wood, of glass, of vulcanite; she must break out into spangles -and beads and chains and _benoîtons_, which are cheap luxuries and, as -she thinks, effective decorations. Flimsy silks make as rich a rustle -to her ear as the stateliest brocade; and cotton velvet delights the -soul that cannot aspire to Genoa. The love of pinchbeck is so deeply -ingrained in her that even if, in a momentary fit of aberration into -good taste, she condescends to a simple material about which there can -be neither disguise nor pretence, she must load it with that -detestable cheap finery of hers till she makes herself as vulgar in a -muslin as she was in a cotton velvet. The _simplex munditiis_, which -used to be held as a canon of feminine good taste, is now abandoned -altogether, and the more she can bedizen herself according to the -pattern of a Sandwich islander the more beautiful she thinks -herself--the more certain the fascination of the men and the greater -the jealousy of the women. This is the cause of all the tags and -streamers, the bits of ribbon here and flying ends of laces there, the -puffed-out chignons, and the trailing curls cut off some dead girl's -head, wherewith the modern Englishwoman delights to make herself -hideous. It is pinchbeck throughout. - -But we fear woman is past praying for in the matter of fashion; and -that she is too far given over to the abomination of pretence to be -called back to truth for any ethical reason whatsoever, or indeed by -anything short of high examples. And then, if simplicity became the -fashion, we should have our pinchbeck votaries translating that into -extremes as they do now with ornamentation; if my lady took to -plainness, they would go to nakedness. - -Another bit of pinchbeck is the visiting-list--the cards of invitation -stuck against the drawing-room glass--with the grandest names and -largest fortunes put forward, irrespective of dates or tenses. The -chance contact with the people represented may be quite out of the -ordinary circumstances of life, but their names are paraded as if an -accident, which has happened once and may never occur again, were in -the daily order of events. They are brought to the front to make -others believe that the whole social substance is of the same quality; -that generals and admirals and lords and ladies are the common -elements of the special circle in which the family habitually moves; -that pinchbeck is good gold, and that 'composition' means marble. -Women are exceedingly tenacious of these pasteboard appearances. In a -house with its couple of female servants, where formal visitors are -very rare and invitations, save by friendly word of mouth, rarer -still, you may see a cracked china bowl or cheap mock _patera_ on the -hall table, to receive the cards which are assumed to come in the -thick showers usual with high people who have hall-porters and a -thousand names or more on their books. The pile gets horribly dusty to -be sure, and the upper layer turns by degrees from cream-colour to -brown; but antiquity is not held to weaken the force of grandeur. The -titled card left on a chance occasion more than a year ago still keeps -the uppermost place, still represents a perpetual renewal of -aristocratic visits and an unbroken succession of social triumphs. -Yellowed and soiled, it is none the less the trump-card of the list; -and while the outside world laughs and ridicules, the lady at home -thinks that no one sees through this puerile pretence, and that the -visiting-list is accepted according to the status of the fugleman at -the head. She is very happy if she can say that the pattern of her -dress, her cap, her bonnet, was taken from that of Lady So and So's; -and we may be quite sure that all personal contact with grand folks so -expresses itself and perpetuates the memory of the event, by such -imitation--at a distance. It is too good an occasion for the airing of -pinchbeck to be disregarded; consequently, for the most part it is -turned to this practical account. Whether the fashion be suited to the -material or to the other parts of the dress, is quite a secondary -consideration; it being of the essence of pinchbeck to despise both -fitness and harmony. - -There is a large amount of pinchbeck in the appearance of social -influence, much cultivated by women of a certain activity of mind and -with more definite aims than all women have. This belongs to a -grade higher than the small pretences of which we have been -speaking--to women who have money, and so far have one reality, but -who have not, by their own birth or their husbands', the original -standing which would give them this social influence as of right. Some -make themselves notorious for their drawing-room patronage of artists, -which however does not include buying their pictures; others gather -round them scores of obscure authors, whose books they talk of but do -not read; a few, a short time since, were centres of spiritualistic -circles and got a queer kind of social influence thereby, so far as -Philistine desire to witness the 'manifestations' went; and one or two -are names of weight in the emancipated ranks, and take chiefly to what -they call 'working women.' These are they who attend Ladies' -Committees, where they talk bosh and pound away at utterly -uninteresting subjects as diligently as if what they said had any -point in it, and what they did any ultimate issue in probability or -common sense. But beyond the fact of having a large house, where their -several sets may assemble at stated periods, these would-be lady -patronesses are utterly impotent to help or to hinder; and their -patronage is just so much pinchbeck, not worth the trouble of -weighing. - -In all this gaudy attempt at show, this restless dissatisfaction with -what they are and ceaseless endeavour to appear something they are -not, our middle-class ladies are doing themselves and society -infinite mischief. They set the tone to the world below them; and the -small tradespeople and the servants, when they copy the vices of their -superiors, do not imitate her grace the duchess, but the doctor's wife -over the way, and the lawyer's lady next door, and the young ladies -everywhere, who all try to appear like women of rank and fortune, and -who are ashamed of nothing so much as of industry, truth and -simplicity. Hence the rage for cheap finery in the kitchen, just a -trifle more ugly and debased than that worn in the drawing-room; hence -the miserable pretentiousness and pinchbeck fine-ladyism filtering -like poison through every pore of our society, to result God only -knows in what grave moral cataclysm, unless women of mind and -education will come to the front and endeavour to stay the plague -already begun. Chains and brooches may seem but small material causes -for important moral effects, but they are symbols; and, as symbols, -they are of deep national value. - -No good will be done till we get back some of our fine old horror of -pinchbeck, and once more insist on Truth as the foundation of our -national life. Education and refinement will be of no avail if they do -not land us here; and the progress of the arts and sciences must not -be brought to mean chiefly the travesty of civilized ladies into the -semblance of savages, by the cheap imitation of costly substances. -Women are always rushing about the world eager after everything but -their home business. Here is something for them to do--the -regeneration of society by means of their own energies; the bringing -people back to the dignity of truth and the beauty of simplicity; the -substitution of that self-respect which is content to appear what it -is, for the feeble pride which revels in pinchbeck because it cannot -get gold, which endeavours so hard to hide its real estate and to pass -for what it is not and never can be. - - - - -_AFFRONTED WOMANHOOD._ - - -Amongst other queer anomalies in human nature is the difference that -lies between sectarian sins and personal immoralities, between the -intellectual untruth of a man's creed and the spiritual evil of his -own nature. Rigid Calvinism, for instance, which narrows the issues of -divine grace and shuts up the avenues of salvation from all but a -select few, is a sour and illiberal faith; and yet a rigid Calvinist, -simply continuing to believe in predestination and election as he was -taught from the beginning, may be a generous, genial, large-hearted -man. An inventor scheming out the deadliest projectile that has yet -been devised is not necessarily indifferent to human life on his own -account; nor is every American who talks tall talk about the glorious -destinies of his country and the infinite superiority of his -countrymen, as conceited personally as he is vainglorious nationally. -In fact, he may be a very modest fellow by his own fireside; and -though in his quality of American he is of course able to whip -universal creation, in his mere quality of man he is quite ready to -take the lower seat at the table and to give honour where honour is -due. - -This kind of distinction between the faults of the sect and the -person, the nature and the cause, is very noticeable in women; and -especially in all things relating to themselves. Individually, many -among them are meek and long-suffering enough, and would be as little -capable of resenting a wrong as of revenging it. Being used from the -cradle to a good deal of snubbing, they take to it kindly as part of -the inevitable order of things, and kiss the chastening rod with -edifying humility; but, collectively, they are the most impatient of -rebuke, the most arrogant in moral attitude, and the most restive of -all created things sought to be led or driven. The woman who will bear -to hear of her personal faults without offering a word in -self-defence, and who will even say peccavi quite humbly if hard -pressed, fires up into illimitable indignation when told that her -foibles are characteristic of her sex, and that she is no worse than -nature meant her to be. Personally she is willing to confess that she -is only a poor worm grovelling in the dust--perhaps an exceptionally -poor worm, if of the kind given to spiritual asceticism--but by her -class she claims to be considered next door to an angel, and arrogates -to her sex virtues which she would blush to claim on her own behalf. - -Men, as men, are all sorts of bad things, as every one knows. They are -selfish, cruel, tyrannical, sensual, unjust, bloodthirsty--where does -the list end? and human nature in the abstract is a bad thing -too, given over to lies and various deadly lusts; but women, as women, -are exempt from any special share in the general iniquity, and only -come under the ban with universal nature--with lambs and doves and -other pretty creatures--not quite perfection, because of the Fall -which spoilt everything, and yet very near it. As children of the rash -parents who corrupted the race they certainly suffer from the general -infection of sin that followed, but, as daughters contrasted with the -sons, they are so far superior to those evil-minded brethren of theirs -that their comparative virtues by sex override their positive vices by -race. As individuals, they are worms; as human beings, they are poor -sinful souls; but by their womanhood they are above rebuke. - -Women have been so long wrapped in this pleasant little delusion about -the sacredness of their sex, and the perfections belonging thereto by -nature, that any attempt to show them the truth and convince them that -they too are guilty of the mean faults and petty ways common to a -fallen humanity--whereof certain manifestations are special to -themselves--is met with the profound scorn or shrill cries of -affronted womanhood. A man who speaks of their faults as they appear -to him, and as he suffers by them, is illiberal and unmanly, and the -rage of the more hysterically indignant would not be very far below -that of the Thracian Mænads, could they lay hands on the offending -Orpheus of the moment; but a woman who speaks from knowledge, and -touches the weak places and the sore spots known best to the -initiated, is a traitress even baser than the rude man who perhaps -knows no better. - -The whole life and being of womanhood must be held sacred from -censure, exalted as it is by a kind of sentimental apotheosis that -will not bear reasoning about, to something very near divinity. Even -the follies of fashion must be exempt from both ridicule and rebuke, -on the ground of man's utter ignorance of the merits of the question; -for how should a poor male body know anything about trains or -crinolines, or the pleasure that a woman feels in making herself -ridiculous or indecent in appearance and a nuisance to her neighbours? -while, for anything graver than the follies of fashion, it is in a -manner high treason against the supremacy of the sex to assume that -they deserve either ridicule or rebuke. Besides, it is indelicate. -Women are made to be worshipped, not criticized; to be reverenced as -something mystically holy and incomprehensible by the grosser -masculine faculties; and it is indiscreet, to say the least of it, -when vile man takes it on himself to test the idol by the hard -mechanical tests of truth and common-sense, and to show the world how -much alloy is mingled with the gold. - -This is in ethics what the Oriental's reserve about his harem is in -domestic life. The sacredness of a Mohammedan's womankind must be so -complete that they are even nameless to the coarser sex; and not, -'How is your wife?' 'How are your daughters?' but, 'How is your -house?' is the only accepted form of words by which Ali may ask Hassan -about the health of his Fatimas and Zuliekas. In much the same way our -women must be kept behind the close gilded gratings of affected -perfectness, and, above all things, never publicly discussed--much -less publicly condemned. - -It is by no means a proof of wisdom, or of the power of logically -reasoning out a position and its consequences, that women should thus -demand to be treated as things superior to the faults and follies of -humanity at large. They are clamouring loudly, and with some justice, -for an equal share in the world's work and wages, and it is -wonderfully stupid in them to stand on their womanly dignity and their -quasi-sacredness, when told of their faults and measured according to -their shortcomings, not their pretensions. If they come down into the -arena to fight, they must fight subject to the conditions of the -arena. They must not ask for special rules to be made in their -behalf--for blunted weapons on the one side and impregnable defences -on the other. If they demand either mystic reverence or chivalric -homage they must be content with their own narrow but safe enclosure, -where they have nothing to do but to look at the turmoil below, and -accept with gratitude such portions of the good things fought for as -the men to whom they belong see fit to bring them. They cannot at one -and the same time have the good of both positions--the courtesy -claimed by weakness and the honour paid to prowess. If they mingle in -the _mêlée_ they must expect as hard knocks as the rest, and must -submit to be bullied when they hit foul and to be struck home when -they hit wide. If they do not like these conditions, let them keep out -of the fray altogether; but if they choose to mingle in it, no -hysterics of affronted womanhood, however loud the shrieks, will keep -them safe from hard knocks and rough treatment. - -Time out of mind women have been credited with all the graces and -virtues possible in a world which 'the trail of the serpent' has -defiled. To be sure they have been cursed as well, as the causes of -most of the miseries of society from Eve's time to Helen's, and later -still. _Teterrima causa._ But the praise alone sticks, so far as their -own self-belief is concerned, and men, who create the curses, may -arrange them to their own liking. The poet says they are 'ministering -angels;' the very name of mother is to some men almost as holy as that -of God, and the most solemn oath a Frenchman can take in a private way -is not by his own honour, but by the name or the head or the life of -his mother. - -As wives--well, save in the old nursery doggrel which sets forth that -they are made of 'all that's good if well understood'--as wives -certainly they get not a few ungentle rubs. But then only a husband -knows where the shoe pinches, and if he blasphemes during the wearing -of it, on his own head be the guilt as is already the punishment. -As maidens they are confessedly the most sacred manifestation of -humanity, and to be approached with the reverence rightfully due to -the holiest thing we know; while in the new spiritualistic world we -are told to look for the time when the moral supremacy of woman shall -be the recognized law of human life and the reign of violence and -tears and all iniquity shall therefore be at an end. Thus the moral -loveliness of collective womanhood is a dogma which men are taught from -their boyhood as an article of faith if not a matter of experience, -and women naturally keep them up to the mark--theoretically, at all -events. Yet for all this lip-homage, of which so much account is -made, women are often ill-used and brutalized, and in spite of -their superior pretensions as often fall below men in every quality -but that of patience. And patience is eminently the virtue of -weakness, and therefore woman's cardinal grace; speaking broadly and -allowing for exceptions. But what women do not see is that all this -poetic flattery comes originally from the idealizing passion of men, -and that, left to themselves, with only each other for critics and -analyzers, they would soon find themselves stripped of their superfluous -moral finery and reduced to the bare core of uncompromising truth. -And this would be the best thing for them in the end. If they could -but rise superior to the weakness of flattery, they would rise -beyond the power of much that now degrades them. If they would but -honestly consider the question of their own shortcomings when told -where they fail, and what they cannot do, and what they will be sure -to make a mess of if they attempt, they would prove their title to -man's respect far more than they prove it now by the shrill cries and -indignant remonstrances of affronted womanhood. - -This is the day of trial for many things--among others, for the -capacity of women for an enlarged sphere of action and more public -exercise of power. Do women think they show their fitness for nobler -duties than those already assigned them, by their impatience under -censure, which is, after all, but one mode of teaching? Are they -qualifying themselves to act in concert with men, by assuming an -absolute moral supremacy which it is a kind of sacrilege to deny? If -they think they are on the right road as at present followed, let them -go on in heaven's name. When they have wandered sufficiently far -perhaps they will have sense enough to turn back, and see for -themselves what mistakes they have made and might have avoided, had -they had the wisdom of self-knowledge in only a small degree. -Certainly, so long as womanhood is held to confer, _per se_, a special -and unassailable divinity, so long will women be rendered -comparatively incapable of the best work through vanity, through -ignorance, and through impatience of the teaching that comes by -rebuke. Nothing is so damaging in the long run as exaggerated -pretensions; for by-and-by, after a certain period of uncritical -homage, the world is sure to believe that the silver veil which it has -so long respected hides deformity, not divinity, and that what is too -sacred for public use is too poor for public honour. If the faults of -women are not to be discussed, nor their follies condemned, because -womanhood is a sacred thing and a man naturally respects his mother -and sisters, then women must be content to live in a moral harem, -where they will be safe from both the gaze and the censure of the -outside world; they must not come down into the battle-fields and the -workshops, where they forfeit all claim to protection and have to -accept the man's law of 'no favour.' It must be one thing or the -other. Either their merits must be weighed and their capacity assayed -in reference to the place they want to take--and in doing this their -faults must be boldly and distinctly discussed--or they must be -content with their present condition; and, with the mystic sanctity of -their womanhood, they must accept also its moral seclusion--belonging, -by their very nature, to things too sacred for criticism and too -perfect for censure. It rests with themselves to decide which it is to -be. - - - - -_FEMININE AFFECTATIONS._ - - -The old form of feminine affectation used to be that of a die-away -fine lady afflicted with a mysterious malady known by the name of the -vapours, or one, no less obscure, called the spleen. Sometimes it was -an etherealized being who had no capacity for homely things, but who -passed her life in an atmosphere of poetry and music, for the most -part expressing her vague ideas in halting rhymes which gave more -satisfaction to herself than to her friends. She was probably an -Italian scholar and could quote Petrarch and Tasso, and did quote them -pretty often; she might even be a Della Cruscan by honourable -election, with her own peculiar wreath of laurel and her own silver -lyre; any way she was 'a sister of the Muses,' and had something to do -with Apollo or Minerva, whom she was sure to call Phoebus or Pallas -Athene, as being the more poetical name of the two. Probably she had -dealings with Diana too--for this kind of woman does not in any age -affect the 'seaborn,' save in a hazy sentimental way that bears no -fruits--a neatly-turned sonnet or a clever bit of counterpoint being -to her worth all the manly love or fireside home delights that -the world can give. What is the touch of babies' dimpled fingers or -the rosy kisses of babies' lips compared to the pleasures of being a -sister of the Muses and one of the beloved of Apollo! The Della -Cruscan of former days, or her modern avatar, will tell you that music -and poetry are godlike and bear the soul away to heaven, but that the -nursery is a prison and babies are no dearer gaolers than any other; -and that household duties disgrace the aspiring soul mounting to the -empyrean. This was the Ethereal Being of last generation--the -Blue-stocking, as a poetess in white satin, with her eyes turned up to -heaven and her hair in dishevelled cascades about her neck. She -dropped her mantle as she finally departed; and we still have the -Della Cruscan essence, if not in the precise form of earlier times. We -still have ethereal beings who, as the practical outcome of their -etherealization, rave about music and poetry and æsthetics and -culture, and horribly neglect their babies and the weekly bills. - -A favourite form of feminine affectation among certain opposers of the -prevalent fast type is in an intense womanliness--an aggravating -intensity of womanliness--that makes one long for a little roughness, -just to take off the cloying excess of sweetness. This kind is -generally found with large eyes, dark in the lids and hollow in the -orbit, by which a certain spiritual expression is given to the face--a -certain look of being consumed by the hidden fire of lofty -thought, that is very effective. It does not destroy the effectiveness -that the real cause of the darkened lids and cavernous orbits is most -probably internal disease, when not antimony. Eyes of this sort stand -for spirituality and loftiness of thought and intense womanliness of -nature; and, as all men are neither chemists nor doctors, the -simulation does quite as well as truth. - -The main characteristic of these women is self-consciousness. They -live before a moral mirror, and pass their time in attitudinizing to -what they think the best advantage. They can do nothing simply, -nothing spontaneously and without the fullest consciousness as to how -they do it, and how they look while they are doing it. In every action -of their lives they see themselves as pictures, as characters in a -novel, as impersonations of poetic images or thoughts. If they give -you a glass of water, or take your cup from you, they are Youth and -Beauty ministering to Strength or Age, as the case may be; if they -bring you a photographic album, they are Titian's Daughter carrying -her casket, a trifle modernized; if they hold a child in their arms, -they are Madonnas, and look unutterable maternal love though they -never saw the little creature before, and care for it no more than for -the puppy in the mews; if they do any small personal office, or -attempt to do it--making believe to tie a shoestring, comb out a curl, -fasten a button--they are Charities in graceful attitudes, and expect -you to think them both charitable and graceful. Nine times out of -ten they can neither tie the string nor fasten the button with -ordinary deftness--for they have a trick of using only the ends of -their fingers when they do anything with their hands, as being more -graceful and fitting in better, than would a firmer grasp, with the -delicate womanliness of the character; and the less sweet and more -commonplace woman who does not attitudinize morally and never parades -her womanliness, beats them out of the field for real helpfulness, and -is the Charity which the other only plays at being. - -This kind too affects, in theory, wonderful submissiveness to man. It -upholds Griselda as the type of feminine perfection, and--still in -theory--between independence and being tyrannized over, goes in for -the tyranny. 'I would rather my husband beat me than let me do too -much as I liked,' said one before she married, who, after she was -married, managed to get entire possession of the domestic reins and -took good care that her nominal lord should be her practical slave. -For, notwithstanding the sweet submissiveness of her theory, the -intensely womanly woman has the most astonishing knack of getting her -own way and imposing her own will on others. The real tyrant among -women is not the one who flounces and splutters and declares that -nothing shall make her obey, but this soft-mannered, large-eyed, -intensely womanly person who says that Griselda is her ideal and that -the whole duty of woman lies in unquestioning obedience to man. - -In contrast with this special affectation is the mannish woman--the -woman who wears a double-breasted coat with big buttons, of which she -flings back the lappels with an air, understanding the suggestiveness -of a wide chest and the need of unchecked breathing; who wears -unmistakeable shirt-fronts, linen collars, vests and plain ties, like -a man; who folds her arms or sets them akimbo, like a man; who even -nurses her feet and cradles her knees, in spite of her petticoats, and -makes believe that the attitude is comfortable because it is manlike. -If the excessively womanly woman is affected in her sickly sweetness, -the mannish woman is affected in her breadth and roughness. She adores -dogs and horses, which she places far above children of all ages. She -boasts of how good a marksman she is--she does not call herself -markswoman--and how she can hit right and left and bring down both -birds flying. When she drinks wine she holds the stem of the glass -between her first two fingers, hollows her underlip, and, throwing her -head well back, tosses off the whole at a draught--she would disdain -the lady-like sip or the closer gesture of ordinary women. She is -great in cheese and bitter-beer, in claret-cup and still champagne, -but she despises the puerilities of sweets or of effervescing wines. -She rounds her elbows and turns her wrist outward, as men round their -elbows and turn their wrists outward. She is fond of carpentry, -she says, and boasts of her powers with the plane and saw. For charms -to her watch-chain she wears a cork-screw, a gimlet, a big knife and a -small foot-rule; and in contrast with the intensely womanly woman, who -uses the tips of her fingers only, the mannish woman when she does -anything uses the whole hand, and if she had to thread a needle would -thread it as much by her palm as by her fingers. All of which is -affectation--from first to last affectation; a mere assumption of -virile fashions utterly inharmonious to the whole being, physical and -mental, of a woman. - -Then there is the affectation of the woman who has taken propriety and -orthodoxy under her special protection, and who regards it as a -personal insult when her friends and acquaintances go beyond the exact -limits of her mental sphere. This is the woman who assumes to be the -antiseptic element in society; who makes believe that without her the -world and human nature would go to the dogs and plunge headlong into -the abyss of sin and destruction forthwith; and that not all the grand -heroism of man, not all his thought and energy and high endeavour and -patient seeking after truth would serve his turn or the world's if she -did not spread her own petty preserving nets, and mark out the -boundary lines within which she would confine the range of thought and -speculation. She knows that this assumption of spiritual beadledom is -mere affectation, and that other minds have as much right to -their own boundary lines as that which she claims for herself: but it -seems to her pretty to assume that woman generally is the consecrated -beadle of thought and morality, and that she, of all women, is most -specially consecrated. As an offshoot of this kind stands the -affectation of simplicity--the woman whose mental attitude is -self-depreciation, and who poses herself as a mere nobody when the -world is ringing with her praises. 'Is it possible that your Grace has -ever heard of _me_?' said one of this class with prettily affected -_naïveté_ at a time when all England was astir about her, and when -colours and fashions went by her name to make them take with the -public at large. No one knew better than the fair _ingénue_ in -question how far and wide her fame had spread; but she thought it -looked modest and simple to assume ignorance of her own value, and to -declare that she was but a creeping worm when all the world knew that -she was a soaring butterfly. - -There is a certain like kind of affectation very common among pretty -women; and this is the affectation of not knowing that they are -pretty, and not recognizing the effect of their beauty on men. Take a -woman with bewildering eyes, say, of a maddening size and shape and -fringed with long lashes which distract you to look at; the creature -knows that her eyes are bewildering, as well as she knows that fire -burns and that ice melts; she knows the effect of that trick she has -with them--the sudden uplifting of the heavy lid and the swift, full -gaze that she gives right into a man's eyes. She has practised it -often in the glass, and knows to a mathematical nicety the exact -height to which the lid must be raised and the exact fixity of the -gaze. She knows the whole meaning of the look and the stirring of -men's blood that it creates; but if you speak to her of the effect of -her trick, she puts on an air of extremest innocence, and protests her -entire ignorance as to anything her eyes may say or mean; and if you -press her hard she will look at you in the same way for your own -benefit, and deny at the very moment of offence. Various other tricks -has she with those bewildering eyes of hers--each more perilous than -the other to men's peace; and all unsparingly employed, no matter what -the result. For this is the woman who flirts to the extreme limits, -then suddenly draws up and says she meant nothing. Step by step she -has led you on, with looks and smiles and pretty doubtful phrases -always susceptible of two meanings--the one for the ear by mere word, -the other for the heart by the accompaniments of look and manner, -which are intangible; step by step she has drawn you deeper and deeper -into the maze where she has gone before as your decoy; then, when she -has you safe, she raises her eyes for the last time, complains that -you have mistaken her cruelly and that she has meant nothing more than -any one else might mean; and what can she do to repair her mistake? -Love you? marry you? No; she is engaged to your rival, who counts his -thousands to your hundreds; and what a pity that you had not seen -this all along and that you should have so misunderstood her! Besides, -what is there about her that you or any one should love? - -Of all the many affectations of women, this affectation of their own -harmlessness when beautiful, and of their innocence of design when -they practise their arts for the discomfiture of men, is the most -dangerous and the most disastrous. But what can one say to them? The -very fact that they are dangerous disarms a man's anger and blinds his -perception until too late. That men love though they suffer is the -woman's triumph, guilt and condonation; and so long as the trick -succeeds it will be practised. - -Another affectation of the same family is the extreme friendliness and -familiarity which some women adopt in their manners towards men. Young -girls affect an almost maternal tone to boys of their own age, or a -year or so older; and they, too, when their wiser elders remonstrate, -declare they mean nothing, and how hard it is that they may not be -natural! This form of affectation, once begun, continues through life; -being too convenient to be lightly discarded; and youthful matrons not -long out of their teens assume a tone and ways that would befit middle -age counselling giddy youth, and that might by chance be dangerous -even then if the 'Indian summer' were specially bright and warm. - -Then there is that affectation pure and simple which is the mere -affectation of manner, such as is shown in the drawling voice, the -mincing gait, the extreme gracefulness of attitude which by -consciousness ceases to be grace, and the thousand little -_minauderies_ and coquetries of the sex known to us all. And there is -the affectation which people of a higher social sphere show when they -condescend to those of low estate, and talk and look as if they are -not quite certain of their company, and scarcely know if they are -Christian or heathen, savage or civilized. And there is the -affectation of the maternal passion with women who are never by any -chance seen with their children, but who speak of them as if they were -never out of their sight; the affectation of wifely adoration with -women who are to be met about the world with every man of their -acquaintance rather than with their lawful husbands; the affectation -of asceticism in women who lead a self-enjoying life from end to end; -and the affectation of political fervour in those who would not give -up a ball or a new dress to save Europe from universal revolution. - -Go where we will, the affectation of being something she is not meets -us in woman, like a ghost we cannot lay, a mist we cannot sweep away. -In the holiest and the most trivial things we find it penetrating -everywhere--even in church and at her prayers, when the pretty -penitent, rising from her lengthy orisons, lifts her eyes and -furtively looks about to see who has noticed her self-abasement and to -whom her picturesque piety has commended itself. All sorts and -patterns of good girls and pleasant women are very dear and -delightful; but the pearl of great price is the thoroughly natural and -unaffected woman--that is, the woman who is truthful to her heart's -core, and who would as little condescend to act a pretence as she -would dare to tell a lie. - - - - -_INTERFERENCE._ - - -About the strongest propensity in human nature, apart from the purely -personal instincts, is the propensity to interfere. We do not mean -tyranny; that is another matter--tyranny being active while -interference is negative--the one standing as the masculine, the other -as the feminine, form of the same principle. Besides, tyranny has -generally some personal gain in view when it takes it in hand to force -people to do what they dislike to do; while interference seeks no good -for itself at all, but simply prevents the exercise of free-will for -the mere pleasure to be had out of such prevention. - -Again, the idea of tyranny is political rather than domestic; but the -curse of interference is seen most distinctly within the four walls of -home, where also it is most felt. Very many people spend their lives -in interfering with others--perpetually putting spokes into wheels -with the turning of which they have nothing to do, and thrusting their -fingers into pies about the baking of which they are in no way -concerned; and of these people we are bound to confess that women make -up the larger number and are the greater sinners. To be sure -there are some men--small, fussy, finnicking fellows, with whom nature -has made the irreparable blunder of sex--who are as troublesome in -their endless interference as the narrowest-minded and most meddling -women of their acquaintance; but the feminine characteristics of men -are so exceptional that we need not take them into serious -calculation. For the most part, when men do interfere in any manly -sense at all, it is with such things as they think they have a right -to control--say, with the wife's low dresses or the daughter's too -patent flirtations. They interfere and prevent because they are -jealous of the repute, perhaps of the beauty, of their womankind; and, -knowing what other men say of such displays, or fearing their effect, -they stand between folly and slander to the best of their ability. But -this kind of interference, noble or ignoble as the cause may be, comes -into another class of motives altogether and does not belong to that -kind of interference of which we are speaking. - -Women, then, are the great interferers at home, both with each other -and with men. They do not tell us what we are to do, beyond going to -church and subscribing to their favourite mission, so much as they -tell us what we are not to do. They do not command so much as they -forbid. And, of all women, wives and daughters are the most given to -handling these check-strings and putting on these drag-chains. -Sisters, while young, are obliged to be less interfering, under pain -of a perpetual round of bickering; for brothers are not apt to -submit to the counsel of creatures for the most part so loftily -snubbed as sisters; while mothers nine times out of ten are laid aside -for all but sentimental purposes, so soon as the son has ceased to be -a boy and has learned to become a man. The queenhood, therefore, of -personal and domestic interference lies with wives, and they know how -to use the prerogative they assume. Take an unlucky man who smokes -under protest--his wife not liking to forbid the pleasure entirely, -but always grudging it and interfering with its exercise. Each cigar -represents a battle, deepening in intensity according to the number. -The first may have been had with only a light skirmish--perhaps a mere -threatening of an attack that passed away without coming to actual -onslaught; the second brings up the artillery; while the third or -fourth lets all the forces loose, and sets the big guns thundering. -She could understand a man smoking one cigar in the day, she says, -with a gracious condescension to masculine weakness; but when it comes -to more she feels that she is called on to interfere, and to do her -best towards checking such a reprehensible excess. It does not weaken -her position that she knows nothing of what she is talking about. She -never smoked a cigar herself, therefore does not understand the uses -nor the abuses of tobacco; but she holds herself pledged to interfere -so soon as she gets the chance; and she redeems that pledge with -energy. - -The man too, who has the stomach of an ostrich and an appetite to -correspond, but about whom the home superstition is that he has a -feeble digestion and must take care of his diet, has also to run the -gauntlet of his wife's interfering forces. He never dines nor sups -jollily with his friends without being plucked at and reminded that -salmon always disagrees with him; that champagne is sure to give him a -headache to-morrow; and, 'My dear! when you know how bad salad is for -you!' or, 'How can you eat that horrid pastry? You will be so ill in -the night!' 'What! more wine? another glass of whisky? how foolish you -are! how wrong!' The wife has a nervous organization which cannot bear -stimulants; the husband is a strong, large-framed man who can drink -deep without feeling it; but to the excitable woman her feeble limit -is her husband's measure, and when he has gone beyond the range of her -own short tether, she trots after him remonstrating, and thinks -herself justified in interfering with his further progress. For women -cannot be brought to understand the capacities of a man's life; they -cannot be made to understand that what is bad for themselves may not -be bad for others, and that their weakness ought not to be the gauge -of a man's strength. - -A pale, chilly woman, afflicted with chronic bronchitis, who wears -furs and velvets in May and fears the east wind as much as an East -Indian fears a tiger, does her best to coddle her husband, father, -sons, in about the same ratio as she coddles herself. They must -not go out without an overcoat; they must take an umbrella if the day -is at all cloudy; they must not walk too far nor ride too hard; and -they must be sure to be at home by a given hour. - -When such women as these have to do with men just on the boundary-line -between the last days of vigour and the first of old age, they put -forward the time of old age by many years. We see their men rapidly -sink into the softness and incapacity of senility, when a more bracing -life would have kept them good for half-a-dozen years longer. But -women do not care for this. They like men to be their own companions -and dread rather than desire the masculine comradeship which would -keep them up to the mark of virile independence; for most women--but -not all--would rather have their husbands manly in a womanly way than -in a manly one, as being more within the compass of their own -sympathies and understanding. - -The same kind of interference is very common where the husband is a -man of broad humour--one who calls a spade a spade, with no -circumlocution about an agricultural implement. According to the odd -law of compensation which regulates so much of human action, the wife -of such a man is generally one of the ultra-refined kind, who thinks -herself consecrated the enduring censor of her husband's speech. As -this is an example most frequently to be found in middle life and -where there are children belonging to the establishment, the word of -warning is generally 'papa!'--said with reproach or resentment, -according to circumstances--which has, of course, the effect of -drawing the attention of the young people to the paternal breadth of -speech, and of fixing that special breach of decorum on their memory. -Sometimes the wife has sufficient self-restraint not to give the word -of warning in public, but can nurse her displeasure for a more -convenient season; but so soon as they are alone the miserable man has -to pass under the harrow, as only husbands with wives of a chastising -spirit can pass under it, and his life is made a burden to him because -of that unlucky anecdote told with such verve a few hours ago, and -received with such shouts of pleasant laughter. Perhaps the anecdote -was just a trifle doubtful; granted; but what does the wife take by -her remonstrance? Most probably a quarrel; possibly a good-natured -_peccavi_ for the sake of being let off the continuance of the sermon; -perhaps a yawn; most certainly not reform. If the man be a man of free -speech and broad humour by nature and liking, he will remain so to the -end; and what the censorship of society leaves untouched, the -interference of a wife will not control. - -Children come in for an enormous share of interference, which is not -direction nor discipline, but simple interference for its own sake. -There are mothers who meddle with every expression of individuality in -their young people, quite irrespective of moral tendency, or whether -the occasion is trivial or important. In the fancies, the pleasures, -the minor details of dress in their children, there is always -that intruding maternal finger upsetting the arrangements of the poor -little pie as vigorously as if thrones and altars depended on the -result. Not a game of any kind can be begun, nor a blue ribbon worn -instead of a pink, without maternal interference; so that the bloom is -rubbed off every enjoyment, and life becomes reduced to a kind of -goose-step, with mamma for the drill-sergeant prescribing the inches -to be marked. Sisters, too, do a great deal of this kind of thing -among each other; as all those who are intimate in houses where there -are large families of unmarried girls must have seen. The nudges, the -warning looks, the deprecating 'Amy's!' and 'Oh, Lucy's!' and 'Hush, -Rose's!' by which some seek to act as household police over the -others, are patent to all who use their senses. In some houses the -younger sisters seem to have been born chiefly as training grounds for -the elders, whereon they may exercise their powers of interference; -and a hard time they have of it. If Emma goes to her embroidery, Ellen -tells her she ought to practise her singing; if Jane is reading, Mary -recommends sewing as a more profitable use of precious time; if Amy is -at her easel, Ada wants to turn her round to the piano. It is quite -the exception where four or five sisters leave each other free to do -as each likes, and do not take to drilling and interference as part of -the daily programme. - -Something of the reluctance to domestic service, so painfully apparent -among the better class of working women, is due to this spirit of -interference with women. The lady who wrote about the caps and gowns -of servant-girls, and drew out a plan of dress, down to the very -material of their gloves, was an instance of this spirit. For, when we -come to analyze it, what does it really signify to us how our servants -dress, so long as they are clean and decent and do not let their -garments damage our goods? Fashion is almost always ridiculous, and -women, as a rule, care more for dress than they care for anything -else; and if the kitchen apes the parlour, and Phyllis gives as much -thought to her new linsey as my lady gives to her new velvet, we -cannot wonder at it, nor need we hold up our hands in horror at the -depravity of the smaller person. Does one flight of stairs transpose -morality? If it does not, there is no real ethical reason why my lady -should interfere with poor Phyllis's enjoyment in her ugly little -vanities, when she herself will not be interfered with--though press -and pulpit both try to turn her out of her present path into the way -which all ages have thought the best for her and the one naturally -appointed. It is a thing that will not bear reasoning on, being simply -a form of the old 'who will guard the guardian?' Who will direct the -directress? and to whose interference will the interferer submit? - -There are two causes for this excessive love of interference among -women. The one is the narrowness of their lives and objects, by which -insignificant things gain a disproportionate value in their eyes; -the other, their belief that they are the only saviours of society, -and that without them man would become hopelessly corrupt. And to a -certain extent this belief is true; but surely with restrictions! -Because the clearer moral sense and greater physical weakness of women -restrain men's fiercer passions and force them to be gentle and -considerate, women are not, therefore, the sole arbiters of masculine -life into whose hands is given the paying out of just so much rope as -they think fit for the occasion. They would do better to look to their -own tackle before settling so exactly the run of others; and if ever -their desired time of equality is to come, it must come through mutual -independence, not through womanly interference, and as much liberality -and breadth given as demanded:--which, so far as humanity has gone -hitherto, has not been the feminine manner of squaring accounts. - -Grant that women are the salt of the earth and the great antiseptic -element in society, still that does not reduce everything else to the -verge of corruption which they alone prevent. Yet they evidently think -that it is so, and that they are each and all the keepers of keys -which give them a special entrance to the temple of morality, and by -which they are able to exclude or admit the grosser body of men. Hence -they interfere and restrict and pay out just so much rope, and measure -off just so much gambolling ground, as they think fit; then think vile -man a horribly wicked invention when he takes things into his own -hand and goes beyond their boundary-lines. It is all done in good if -in a very narrow faith--that we admit willingly; but we would call -their attention to the difference there is between influence and -interference; which is just the difference between their ideal duty -and their daily practice--between being the salt of the earth and the -blister of the home. - -We think it only justice to put in a word for those poor henpecked -fellows of husbands at a time when the whole cry is for Woman's -Rights, which seems to mean chiefly her right of making man knuckle -under on all occasions and of making one will serve for two lives--and -that will hers. We assure her that she would get her own way in large -matters much more easily if she would leave men more liberty in small -ones, and not teaze them by interfering in things which do not concern -her and have only reference to themselves. - - - - -_THE FASHIONABLE WOMAN._ - - -Among the many odd products of a mature civilization, the fashionable -woman is one of the oddest. From first to last she is an amazing -spectacle; and if we take human life in any earnestness at all, -whether individually, as the passage to an eternal existence the -condition of which depends on what we are here, or collectively, as -the highest thing we know, we can only look in blank astonishment at -the fashionable woman and her career. She is the one sole capable -member of the human family without duties and without useful -occupation; the one sole being who might be swept out of existence -altogether, without deranging the nice arrangement of things, or -upsetting the balance of inter-dependent forces. We know of no other -organic creation of which this could be said; but the fashionable -woman is not as other creatures, being, fortunately, _sui generis_, -and of a type not existing elsewhere. If we take the mere ordering of -her days and the employment of her time as the sign of her mental -state, we may perhaps measure to a certain extent, but not fully, the -depth of inanity into which she has fallen and the immensity of her -folly. Considering her as a being with the potentiality of -reason, of usefulness, of thought, the actual result is surely the -saddest and the strangest thing under heaven! - -She goes to bed at dawn and does not attempt to rise till noon. For -the most part she breakfasts in bed, and then amuses herself with a -cursory glance at the morning paper, if she have sufficient energy for -so great a mental exertion; if she have not, she lies for another hour -or two in that half-slumberous state which is so destructive to mind -and body, weakening as it does both fibre and resolution, both muscle -and good principle. At last she languidly rises, to be dressed in time -for luncheon and her favoured intimates--the men who have the _entrée_ -at sacred hours when the world in general is forbidden. Some time -later she dresses again for her drive--for the first part of the day's -serious business; for paying visits and leaving cards; for buying -jewelry and dresses, and ordering all sorts of unnecessary things at -her milliner's; for this grand lady's ordinary 'day,' and that grand -lady's extraordinary At Home; for her final slow parade in the Park, -where she sees her friends as in an open air drawing-room, makes -private appointments, carries on flirtations, and hears and retails -gossip and scandal of a full flavour. Then she goes home to dress for -tea in a 'lovely gown' of suggestive piquancy; to be followed by -dinner, the opera or a concert, a _soirée_, or perhaps a ball or two; -whence she returns towards morning, flushed with excitement or -worn out with fatigue, feverish or nervous, as she has had pleasure -and success or disappointment and annoyance. - -This is her outside life; and this is no fancy picture and no -exaggeration. After a certain time of such an existence, can we wonder -if her complexion fades and her eyes grow dim? if that inexpressible -air of haggard weariness creeps over her, which ages even a young girl -and makes a mature woman substantially an old one? It is then that she -has recourse to those foul and fatal expedients of which we have heard -more than enough in these latter days. She will not try simplicity of -living, natural hours, wholesome occupation, unselfish endeavour, but -rushes off for help to paints and cosmetics, to stimulants and drugs, -and attempts to restore the tarnished freshness of her beauty by the -very means which further corrode it. Every now and then, for very -weariness when not for idleness, she feigns herself sick and has her -favourite physician to attend her. In fact the funniest thing about -her is the ease with which she takes to her bed on the slightest -provocation, and the strange pleasure she seems to find in what is a -penance to most women. - -You meet her in a heated, crowded, noisy room, looking just as she -always looks, whatever her normal state of health may be; and in -answer to your inquiries she tells you she has only two hours ago left -her bed to come here, having been confined to her room for a week, -with Dr. Blank in close attendance. If you are an intimate female -friend she will whisper you the name of her malady, which is sure to -be something terrific, and which, if true, would have kept her a real -invalid for months instead of days; but if you are only a man she will -make herself out to have been very ill indeed in a more mysterious -way, and leave you to wonder at the extraordinary physique of -fashionable women, which enables them to live on the most friendly -touch-and-go terms with death, and to overcome mortal maladies by an -effort of the will and the delights of a ducal ball. The favourite -physician has a hard time of it with these ladies; and the more -popular he is the harder his work. It is well for his generation when -he is a man of honour and integrity, and knows how to add self-respect -and moral power to the qualities which have made him the general -favourite. For his influence over women is almost unlimited--like -nothing so much as that of the handsome Abbé of the Regency or the -fascinating Monsignore of Rome; and if he chooses to abuse it and turn -it to evil issues, he can. And, however great the merit in him that he -does not, it does not lessen the demerit of the woman that he could. - -Sometimes the fashionable woman takes up with the clergyman instead of -the physician, and coquets with religious exercises rather than with -drugs; but neither clergyman nor physician can change her mode of life -nor give her truth nor common-sense. Sometimes there is a fluttering -show of art-patronage, and the fashionable woman has a handsome -painter or well-bred musician in her train, whom she pets publicly and -patronizes graciously. Sometimes it is a young poet or a rising -novelist, considerably honoured by the association, who dedicates his -next novel to her, or writes verses in her praise, with such fervency -of gratitude as sets the base Philistines on the scent of the -secret--perhaps guessing not far amiss. For the fashionable woman has -always some love-affair on hand, more or less platonic according to -her own temperament or the boldness of the man--a love-affair in which -the smallest ingredient is love; a love-affair which is vanity, -idleness, a dissolute imagination and contempt of such prosaic things -as morals; a love-affair not even to be excused by the tragic frenzy -of earnest passion, and which may be guilty and yet not true. - -The physical effects of such a life as this are as bad as the mental, -and both are as bad as the worst can make them. A feverish, -overstrained condition of health either prevents the fashionable woman -from being a mother at all, or makes her the mother of nervous, sickly -children. Many a woman of high rank is at this moment paying bitterly -for the disappointment of which she herself, in her illimitable folly, -has been the sole and only cause. And, whether women like to hear it -or not, it is none the less a truth that part of the reason for their -being born at all is that they may in their turn bear children. The -unnatural feeling against maternity existing among fashionable -women is one of the worst mental signs of their state, as their -frequent inability to be mothers is one of the worst physical results. -This is a condition of things which no false modesty nor timid reserve -should keep in the background, for it is a question of national -importance, and will soon become one of national disaster unless -checked by a healthier current and more natural circumstances. - -Dress, dissipation and flirting make up the questionable lines which -enclose the life of the fashionable woman, and which enclose nothing -useful, nothing good, nothing deep nor true nor holy. Her piety is a -pastime; her art the poorest pretence; her pleasure consists only in -hurry and excitement alternating with debasing sloth, in heartless -coquetry or in lawless indulgence, as nature made her more vain or -more sensual. As a wife she fulfils no wifely duty in any grand or -loving sense, for the most part regarding her husband only as a banker -or an adjunct, according to the terms of her marriage settlement; as a -mother she is a stranger to her children, to whom nurse and governess -supply her place and give such poor makeshift for maternal love as -they are enabled or inclined. In no domestic relation is she of the -smallest value, and of none in any social circumstance beside the -adorning of a room--if she be pretty--and the help she gives to trade -through her expenditure. She lives only in the gaslight, and her -nature at last becomes as artificial as her habits. - -As years go on, and she changes from the acknowledged belle to -_la femme passée_, she goes through a period of frantic endeavour to -retain her youth; and even when time has clutched her with too firm a -hand to be shaken off, and she begins to feel the infirmities which -she still puts out all her strength to conceal, even then she grasps -at the departing shadow and fresh daubs the crumbling ruin, in the -belief that the world's eyes are dim and that stucco may pass for -marble for another year or two longer. Or she becomes a Belgravian -mother, with daughters to sell to the highest bidder; and then the aim -of her life is to secure the purchaser. Her daughters are never -objects of real love with the fashionable woman. They are essentially -her rivals, and the idea of carrying on her life in theirs, of -forgetting herself in them, occurs to her only as a forecast of death. -She shrinks even from her sons, as living evidences of the lapse of -time which she cannot deny, and awkward _memoria technica_ for fixing -dates; and there is not a home presided over by a fashionable woman -where the family is more than a mere name, a mere social convention -loosely held together by circumstances, not by love. - -Closing such a life as this comes the unhonoured end, when the -miserable made-up old creature totters down into the grave where paint -and padding, and glossy plaits cut from some fresh young head, are of -no more avail; and where death, which makes all things real, reduces -her life of lies to the nothingness it has been from the beginning. -What does she leave behind her? A memory by which her children -may order their own lives in proud assurance that so they will order -them best for virtue and for honour? Or a memory which speaks to them -of time misused, of duties unfulfilled, of love discarded for -pleasure, and of a life-long sacrifice of all things good and pure for -selfishness? - -We all know examples of the worldly old woman clinging batlike to the -last to the old roofs and rafters; and we all know how heartily we -despise her, and how we ridicule her in our hearts, if not by our -words. If the reigning queens of fashion, at present young and -beautiful, would but remember that they are only that worldly old -woman in embryo, and that in a very few years they will be her exact -likeness, unhappily repeated for the scorn of the world once more to -follow! The traditional skeleton at the feast had a wonderfully wise -meaning, crude and gross as it was in form. For though its _memento -mori_, too constantly before us, would either sadden or brutalize, as -we were thoughtful or licentious, yet it is good to see the end of -ourselves, and to study the meaning and lesson of our lives in those -of our prototypes and elder likenesses. - -The pleasures of the world are, as we all know, very potent and very -alluring, but nothing can be more unsatisfying if taken as the main -purpose of life. While we are young, the mere stirring of the blood -stands instead of anything more real; but as we go on, and the pulse -flags and pleasurable occasions get rare and more rare, we find -that we have been like the Prodigal Son, and that our food and his -have been out of much the same trough, and come in the main to much -the same thing. - -This is an age of extraordinary wealth and of corresponding -extraordinary luxury; of unparalleled restlessness, which is not the -same thing as activity or energy, but which is the kind of -restlessness that disdains all quiet and repose, as unendurable -stagnation. Hence the fashionable woman of the day is one of extremes -in her own line also; and the idleness, the heartlessness, the -self-indulgence, the want of high morality, and the insolent luxury at -all times characteristic of her were never displayed with more cynical -effrontery than at present, and never called for more severe -condemnation. - -The fashionable women of Greece and Rome, of Italy and France, have -left behind them names which the world has made typical of the vices -naturally engendered by idleness and luxury. But do we wish that our -women should become subjects for an English Juvenal? that fashion -should create a race of Laïses and Messalinas, of Lucrezia Borgias and -Madame du Barrys, out of the stock which once gave us Lucy Hutchinson -and Elizabeth Fry? Once the name of Englishwoman carried with it a -grave and noble echo as the name of women known for their gentle -bearing and their blameless honour--of women who loved their husbands, -and brought up about their own knees the children they were not -reluctant to bear and not ashamed to love. Now, it too often means a -girl of the period, a frisky matron, a fashionable woman--a thing of -paints and pads, consorting with dealers of no doubtful calling for -the purchase of what she grimly calls 'beauty,' making pleasure her -only good and the world her highest god. It too often means a woman -who is not ashamed to supplement her husband with a lover, but who is -unwilling to become the honest mother of that husband's children. It -too often means a hybrid creature, perverted out of the natural way -altogether, affecting the license but ignorant of the strength of a -man; as girl or woman alike valueless so far as her highest natural -duties are concerned; and talking largely of liberty while showing at -every turn how much she fails in that co-essential of liberty--knowledge -how to use it. - - - - -_SLEEPING DOGS._ - - -There is a capital old proverb, often quoted but not so often acted -on, called 'Let sleeping dogs lie;' a proverb which, if we were to -abide by its injunction, would keep us out of many a mess that we get -into now, because we cannot let well alone. Certainly we fall into -trouble sometimes, or rather we drift into it--we allow it to gather -round us--for want of a frank explanation to clear off small -misunderstandings. At least novelists say so, and then make a great -point of the anguish endured by Henry and Angelina for three mortal -volumes, because they were too stupid to ask the reason why the one -looked cold the other evening at the duchess's ball, and the other -looked shy the next morning in the park. But then novelists, poor -souls, are driven to such extravagant expedients for motives and -matter, that we can scarcely take them as rational exponents of real -life in any way; though the very meaning and final cause of their -profession is to depict human nature as it is, and to show the reflex -action of character and circumstances somewhat according to the -pattern set out in the actual world. But, leaving novelists -alone, on the whole we find in real life that if speech is silvern, -silence is essentially golden, and that more harm is done by saying -too much than by saying too little; above all, that infinite mischief -arises by not letting sleeping dogs lie. - -People are so wonderfully anxious to stir up the dregs of everything, -they can never let things rest. Take a man or woman who has done -something queer that gets noised abroad, and who is coldly looked on -in consequence by those who believe the worst reports which arise as -interpretations. Now the wisest thing undoubtedly is to bear this -coldness as the righteous punishment of that folly, and to trust for -rehabilitation to the mysterious process called 'living it down.' If -there has been absolutely no sinfulness to speak of, nothing but a -little imprudence and a big glossary of scandalous explanation, a -little precipitancy and a great deal of ill-nature, by all means wake -up the sleeping dog and set him howling through the streets. He may do -good, seeing that truth would be your friend. But if there be a core -of ugly fact, even if it be not quite so ugly as the envelope which -rumour has wrapped round it, then fall back on the dignity of 'living -it down,' and let the dog lie sleeping and muzzled. - -There is another, but an unsavoury saying, which advises against the -stirring up of evil odours; but this is just what imprudent, -high-spirited people will not understand. They will take their own way -in spite of society and all its laws; they will kick over the -traces when it suits them; they will do this and that of which the -world says authoritatively, 'No, you shall not do it;' and then, when -the day of wrath arrives, and down comes the whip on the offending -back, they shriek piteously and wake up all the dogs in the town in -the 'investigation of their case.' And a queer kennel enough they turn -out sometimes! They would have done better to put up with their social -thrashing than to have set the bloodhounds of 'investigation' on their -heels. - -Actions for libel often do this kind of thing, as every one may read -for himself. Many a man who gets his farthing damages had better have -borne the surly growl of the only half-roused dog, than have -retaliated, and so waked him up. The farthing damages, representing -say a cuff on the head or a kick in the ribs, or a milder 'Lie down, -sir!' may be very pleasant to the feelings of the yelped-at, as so -much revenge exacted--Shylock's pound of flesh, without the blood. But -what about the consequences? what about the disclosure of your secret -follies and the uncovering of the foundations on which the libel -rested? The foundations remain immoveable to the end of time if the -superstructure be disroofed, and the sleeping dog is awakened, never -to be set at rest again while he has a tooth in his head that can -bite. - -One of the arts of peaceful living at home is contained in the power -of letting sleeping dogs lie. Papa is surly--it is a way papas -have--or mamma is snappish, as even the best of mammas are at -times when the girls are tiresome and will flirt with ineligible -younger brothers, or when the boys, who must marry money, are paying -attention to dowerless beauty instead. Well, the family horizon is -overcast, and the black dog keeps the gate of the family mansion. -Better let it lie there asleep, if it will but remain so. It is not -pleasant to have it there certainly, but it would be worse to rouse it -into activity and to have a general yelping through the house. - -Sometimes, indeed, in a family given to tears and caresses and easily -excited feelings, a frank challenge as to reasons why is answered by a -temporary storm, followed by a scene of effusion and _attendrissement_, -and the black dog is not awakened, but banished, by the rousing he has -got. This is a method that can be tried when you have perfect knowledge -and command of your material; else it is a dangerous, and nine times -out of ten would be an unsuccessful, experiment. It is nearly always -unsuccessful with husbands and wives, who often sulk, but rarely -for causes needing explanation. Angelina knows quite well that she -danced too often the other night with that fascinating young Lovelace -for whom her Henry has a special, and not quite groundless, aversion. -She may put on as many airs of injured innocence as she likes, and -affect to consider herself an ill-used wife suffering grievous things -because of her husband's displeasure and the black dog of sulks -accompanying; but she knows as well as her Henry himself where her sin -lies, and to kick at the black dog would only be to set him -loose upon her, and be well barked at if not worried for her pains. -The wiser course would be to muzzle him by ignoring his presence; -and so in almost all cases of domestic dog, however black. - -A sleeping dog of another kind, which it would be well if women would -always leave at rest, is the potential passion of a man who is a -cherished friend but an impossible lover. Certain slow-going men are -able to maintain for life a strong but strictly platonic attachment -for certain women. If any warmer impulse or more powerful feeling give -threatening notice of arising, it is kept in due subjection and a -wholesome state of coolness, perhaps by its very hopelessness even if -returned, perhaps by the fear or the knowledge that it would be -ill-received, and that the only passport to the pleasant friendship so -delighted in is in this calm and sober platonism. This is all very -well so long as the woman minds what she is about; for the passionless -attachment of a man depends mainly on her desire to keep things in -their present place, and on her power of holding to the line to be -observed. If she oversteps this line, if she wakens up that sleeping -dog of passion, it is all over with her and platonism. What was once a -pleasant truth would now be a burning satire; for friendship routed by -love can never take service under its old banners again. - -And yet this is what women are continually doing. They are always -complaining that men are not their friends, and that they are only -selfish and self-seeking in their relations with them; yet no sooner -do they possess a man friend who is nothing else than they try their -utmost to convert him into a lover, and are not too well pleased if -they do not succeed--which might by chance sometimes happen like any -other rare occurrence, but not often. And yet success ruins -everything. It takes away the friend and does not give an available -lover; it destroys the existing good and substitutes nothing better. -If the woman be of the fishpond type, whose heart Thackeray wanted to -'drag,' she simply turns round upon the unhappy victim with one of the -'looks that kill;' if she be more weak than vain and less designing -than impulsive, she regrets the momentary infatuation which has lost -her her friend; but in any case she has lost him--by her own folly, -not by inevitable misfortune. - -Just as easy is it to rouse the sleeping dogs of hatred, of jealousy, -of envy. You have a tepid well-controlled dislike to some one; and you -know that he knows it. For feelings are eloquent, even when dumb, and -express themselves in a thousand ways independent of words. You do not -care much about your dislike--you do not nurse it nor feed it in any -way, and are rather content than not to let it lie dormant, and so far -harmless. But your unloved friend cannot let well alone. He will be -always treading on your corns and touching you on the raw. That -unlucky speculation you made; your play that was damned; the election -you lost; the decision that was given against you, with -costs--whenever you see him he is sure to introduce some topic that -rubs you the wrong way, till at last the sleeping dog gets fairly -roused, and what was merely a well-ordered dislike bursts out into a -frantic and ungovernable hatred. It has been his own doing. Just as in -the case of the platonic friend transformed into the passionate lover -by the woman's wiles, so the dislike that gave you no trouble--become -now the hatred which is a real curse to your existence--results from -your friend's incessant rousing up of sleeping passions. - -Young people are much given to this kind of thing. There is an impish -tendency in most girls, and in all boys, that makes teazing a matter -of exquisite delight to them. If they know of any sleeping dog which -an elder carries about under his cloak, they are never so happy as -when they are rousing it to activity, though their own backs may get -bitten in the fray. Let a youngster into the secret of a weakness, a -sore, and if he can resist the temptation of torturing you as the -result of his knowledge he may lay claim to a virtue almost unknown in -boyish morals. But he sometimes pays dearly for his fun. More than one -life-long dislike, culminating in a disastrous codicil or total -omission from the body of the will, has been the return-blow for a -course of boyish teazings which a testy old uncle or huffish maiden -aunt has had to undergo. The punishment may be severe and unjust; -but the provocation was great; and revenge is a human, if -indefensible, instinct common to all classes. - -Fathers and mothers themselves are not always sacred ground, nor are -their special dogs suffered to lie sleeping undisturbed; and perhaps -the favouritism and comparative coldness patent in almost every family -may be traced back to the propensity for soothing or for rousing those -parental beasts. For even fathers and mothers have personal feelings -in excess of their instincts, and they, no more than any one else, -like to be put through their paces by the impish vivacity of youth, -and made to dance according to the piping of an irreverent lad or -saucy girl. If they have dogs, they do not want their children to pry -into their kennels and whistle them out at their pleasure; and those -who do so most will naturally get worst off in the great division of -family love. 'Let sleeping dogs lie,' certainly, as a rule for private -life. - -Historically, the saying does not hold good. For if the great leaders -of thought and reform had not roused up the sleeping dogs of their -day, and made them give tongue for all after ages to hear, we should -be but poorly off at this present time. Many of our liberties have -been got only by diligently prodding up that very sleepy dog, the -public, till he has been forced to show his teeth; and history is full -of instances of how much has been done, all the world over and in -every age, by the like means. Sometimes the prodded dog flies at the -wrong throat on the other side, as we have had a few notable -instances of late; and then it would have been wiser to leave him -quietly sleeping in the shade, whether at Mentana or elsewhere; to -rouse for rending being a poor amusement at the best, and an eminently -unprofitable use of leather. - - - - -_BEAUTY AND BRAINS._ - - -That lovely woman fulfils only half her mission when she is -unpersonable instead of beautiful, all young men, and all pretty girls -secure in the consciousness of their own perfections, will agree. -Indeed, it is cruel to hear the way in which ingenuous youths despise -ugly girls, however clever, whose charm lies in their cleverness only, -with a counteraction in their plainness. To hear them, one would think -that hardness of feature was, like poverty, a crime voluntarily -perpetrated, and that contempt was a righteous retribution for the -offence. Yet their preference, though so cruelly expressed, is to a -certain extent the right thing. When we are young, the beauty of women -has a supreme attraction beyond all other possessions or qualities; -and there are self-evident reasons why it should be so. It is only as -we grow older that we know the value of brains, and, while still -admiring beauty--as indeed who does not?--admire it as one passing by -on the other side--as a grace to look at, but not to hold, unless -accompanied by something more lasting. - -This is in the middle term of a man's life. Old age, perhaps with -the unconscious yearning of regret, goes back to the love of youth and -beauty for their own sake; extremes meeting here as in almost all -other circumstances. The danger is when a young man, obeying the -natural impulse of his age and state, marries beauty only, with -nothing more durable beneath. The mind sees what it brings, and we -love the ideal we create rather than the reality that exists. A pretty -face, the unworn nerves of youth, the freshness of hope that has not -yet been soured by disappointment nor chilled by experience, a neat -stroke at croquet and a merry laugh easily excited, make a girl a -goddess to a boy who is what he himself calls in love and his friends -'spoony.' She may be narrow, selfish, spoilt, unfit to bear the -burdens of life and unable to meet her trials patiently; she may be -utterly unpractical and silly--one of those who never mature but only -grow old--without judgment, forethought, common-sense or courage; but -he sees nothing of all this. To him she is perfect; the 'jolliest girl -in the world,' if he be slangy, or the 'dearest,' if he be -affectionate; and he neither sees nor heeds her potential faults. - -It is only when she has stepped down from her pedestal to the level of -the home-threshold that he finds out she is but a woman after all, and -perhaps an exceptionally weak and peevish one. Then he knows that he -would have done better for himself had he married that plain -brave-hearted girl who would have had him to a dead certainty if he -had asked her, but whom he so unmercifully laughed at when he was -making love to his fascinating charmer. As years go on and reduce the -Hebe and Hecate of eighteen to much the same kind of woman at -forty--with perhaps the advantage on Hecate's side if of the sort that -ripens well and improves by keeping--the man feels that he has been a -fool after the manner of Bunyan's Passion; that he has eaten up his -present in the past, and had all his good things at once. If he had -but looked at the future and been able to wait! But in those days he -wanted beauty that does not last, and cared nothing for brains which -do; and so, having made his election he must abide by it, and eat -bitter bread from the yeast of his own brewing. - -Many a man has cursed, his whole life long, the youthful infatuation -that made him marry a pretty fool. Take the case of a rising -politician whose fair-faced wife is either too stupid to care about -his position, or who imperils it by her folly. If amiable and -affectionate, and in her own silly little way ambitious, she does him -incalculable mischief by exaggeration, and by saying and doing exactly -the things which are most damaging to him; if stupid, she is just so -much deadweight that he has to carry with him while swimming up the -stream. She is very lovely certainly, and people crowd her -drawing-room to look at her; but a plain-featured, sensible, shrewd -woman, with no beauty to speak of but with tact and cleverness, would -have helped him in his career far better than does his brainless -Venus. He finds this out when it is too late to change M. for N. -in the marriage service. - -The successful men of small beginnings are greatly liable to this -curse of wifely hindrance. A barrister once briefless and now in -silk--an artist once obscure and now famous--who in the days of -impecuniosity and Bohemianism married the landlady's pretty daughter -and towards the meridian of life find themselves in the front ranks of -_la haute volée_ with a wife who drops her h's and multiplies her s's, -know the full bitterness of the bread baked from that hasty brewing. -Each woman may have been beautiful in her youth, and each man may have -loved his own very passionately; but if she have nothing to supplement -her beauty--if she have no brains to fall back on, by which she can be -educated up to her husband's present social position as the wife of -his successful maturity--she is a mistake. Dickens was quite right to -kill off pretty childish Dora in 'David Copperfield.' If she had lived -she would have been like Flora in 'Bleak House,' who indeed was Dora -grown old but not matured; with all the grace and beauty of her youth -gone, and nothing else to take their place. - -Men do not care for brains in excess in women. They like a sympathetic -intellect which can follow and seize their thoughts as quickly as they -are uttered; but they do not much care for any clear or specific -knowledge of facts. Even the most philosophic among them would rather -not be set right in a classical quotation, an astronomical -calculation, or the exact bearing of a political question by a -lovely being in tarlatane whom he was graciously unbending to -instruct. Neither do they want anything very strong-minded. To most -men, indeed, the feminine strong-mindedness that can discuss immoral -problems without blushing is a quality as unwomanly as a -well-developed biceps or a 'shoulder-of-mutton' fist. It is sympathy, -not antagonism--it is companionship, not rivalry, still less -supremacy, that they like in women; and some women with brains as well -as learning--for the two are not the same thing--understand this, and -keep their blue stockings well covered by their petticoats. Others, -enthusiasts for freedom of thought and intellectual rights, show -theirs defiantly; and meet with their reward. Men shrink from them. -Even clever men, able to meet them on their own ground, do not feel -drawn to them; while all but high-class minds are humiliated by their -learning and dwarfed by their moral courage. And no man likes to feel -humiliated or dwarfed in the presence of a woman, and because of her -superiority. - -But the brains most useful to women, and most befitting their work in -life, are those which show themselves in common-sense, in good -judgment, and that kind of patient courage which enables them to bear -small crosses and great trials alike with dignity and good temper. -Mere intellectual culture, however valuable it may be in itself, does -not equal the worth of this kind of moral power; for as the true -domain of woman is the home, and her way of ordering her domestic -life the best test of her faculties, mere intellectual culture does -not help in this; and, in fact, is often a hindrance rather than a -help. What good is there in one's wife being an accomplished -mathematician, a sound scholar, a first-rate musician, a deeply-read -theologian, if she cannot keep the accounts square, knows nothing of -the management of children, lets herself be cheated by the servants -and the tradespeople, has not her eyes opened to dirt and disorder, -and gives way to a fretful temper on the smallest provocation? - -The pretty fool who spends half her time in trying on new dresses and -studying the effect of colours, and who knows nothing beyond the last -new novel and the latest plate of fashions, is not a more disastrous -wife than the woman of profound learning whose education has taught -her nothing practical. They stand at the opposite ends of the same -scale, and neither end gives the true position of women. Indeed, if -one must have a fool in one's house, the pretty one would be the best, -as, at the least, pleasant to look at; which is something gained. - -The intellectual fool, with her head always in books and 'questions,' -and her children dropping off like sheep for the want of womanly care, -is something more than flesh and blood can tolerate. The pretty fool -cannot help herself. If nature proved herself but a stepmother to her, -and left out the best part of her wits while taking such especial care -of her face, it is no fault of hers; but the intellectual fool is a -case of maladministration of powers, for which she alone is -responsible; and in this particular alternative between beauty and -brains, without a shadow of doubt we would go in for beauty. - -Ball-rooms and dinner-tables are the two places where certain women -most shine. In the ball-room Hebe is the queen, and has it all her own -way without fear of rivals. A very few men who care for dancing for -its own sake will certainly dance with Hecate if she is light on hand, -keeps accurate time, and manages her feet with scientific precision; -but to the ruck of youths, Hebe, who jerks herself into step every -second round, but whose lovely face and perfect figure make up for -everything, is the partner they all besiege. Only to those exceptional -few who regard dancing as a serious art would she be a bore with her -three jumps and a hop; while Hecate, waltzing like an angel, would be -divine, in spite of her high cheek-bones and light green eyes _à fleur -de tête_. But at a dinner-table, where a man likes to talk between the -dishes, a sympathetic listener with pleasant manners, to whom he can -air his stalest stories and recount his personal experiences, is -preferable to the prettiest girl if a simpleton, only able to show her -small white teeth in a silly smile, and say 'yes' and 'indeed' in the -wrong places. The ball-room may be taken to represent youth; the -dinner-table maturity. The one is the apotheosis of mere beauty, in -clouds of millinery glory and a heaven of flirting; the other is solid -enjoyment, with brains to talk to by the side and beauty to look -at opposite, in just the disposition that makes life perfect. A -well-ordered dinner-table is a social microcosm; and, being so, this -is the blue riband of the arrangement. - -Every woman is bound to make the best of herself. The strong-minded -women who hold themselves superior to the obligations of dress and -manner and all the pleasant little artificial graces belonging to an -artificial civilization, and who think any sacrifice made to -appearance just so much waste of power, are awful creatures, ignorant -of the real meaning of their sex--social Graiæ wanting in every charm -of womanhood, and to be diligently shunned by the wary. - -This making the best of themselves is a very different thing from -making dress and personal vanity the first considerations in life. -Where women in general fail is in the exaggerations into which they -fall on this and on almost every other question. They are apt to be -either demireps or devotees; frights or flirts; fashionable to an -extent that lands them in illimitable folly and drags their husbands' -names through the mire, or they are so dowdy that they disgrace a -well-ordered drawing-room, and among nicely-dressed women stand out as -living sermons on slovenliness. If they are clever, they are too -commonly blue-stockings, and let the whole household go by the board -for the sake of their fruitless studies; and if they are domestic and -good managers they sink into mere servants, never opening a book save -their daily ledger, and having no thought beyond the cheesemonger's -bill and the butcher's prices. They want that fine balance, that -accurate self-measurement and knowledge of results, which goes by -the name of common-sense and is the best manifestation of brains -they can give, and the thing which men most prize. It is the most -valuable working form of intellectual power, and has most endurance -and vitality; and it is the form which helps a man on in life, when -he has found it in his wife, quite as much as money or a good connexion. - -So that, on the whole, brains are before beauty in the solid things of -life. For admiration and personal love and youthful enjoyment, beauty -of course is supreme; but as we cannot be always young nor always apt -for pleasure, it is as well to provide for the days when the daughters -of music shall be brought low and the years draw nigh which have no -pleasure in them. - - - - -_NYMPHS._ - - -Between the time of the raw school-girl and that of the finished young -lady is the short season of the nymph, when the physical enjoyment of -life is perhaps at its keenest, and a girl is not afraid to use her -limbs as nature meant her to use them, nor ashamed to take pleasure in -her youth and strength. This is the time when a sharp run down a steep -hill, with the chance of a tumble midway, is an exercise by no means -objected to; when clambering over gates, stiles, and even crabbed -stone-walls is not refused because of the undignified display of ankle -which the adventure involves; when leaping a ditch comes in as one of -the ordinary accidents of a marshland walk; and when the fun of riding -is infinitely enhanced if the horse be only half broken or barebacked. - -The nymph--an out-of-door, breezy, healthy girl, more after the -pattern of the Greek Oread than the Amazon--is found only in the -country; and for the most part only in the remoter districts of the -country. In the town she degenerates into fastness, according to the -law which makes evil merely the misdirection of force, as dirt is -only matter in the wrong place. But among the mountains, in the -secluded midland villages, or out on the thinly-populated moorland -tracts, the nymph may be found in the full perfection of her nature. -And a very beautiful kind of nature it is; though it is to be feared -that certain ladies of the stricter sort would call her 'tomboy', and -that those of a still narrower way of thought, unable to distinguish -between unconventionality and vulgarity, would hold her to be -decidedly vulgar--which she is not--and would wonder at her mother for -'letting her go on so.' - -You fall upon the nymph at all hours and in all seasons. Indeed, she -boasts that no weather ever keeps her indoors, and prefers a little -roughness of the elements to anything too luscious or sentimental. A -fresh wind, a sharp frost, a blinding fall of snow, or a pelting -shower of rain are all high jinks to the nymph, to whom it is rare fun -to come in like a water-dog, dripping from every hair, or shaking the -snow in masses from her hat and cloak. She prefers this kind of thing -to the suggestive beauty of the moonlight or the fervid heats of -summer; and thinks a long walk in the crisp sharp frost, with the -leaves crackling under her feet, worth all the nightingales in the -wood. And yet she loves the spring and summer too, for the sake of the -flowers and the birds and the beasts and the insects they bring forth; -for the nymph is almost always a naturalist of the perceptive and -self-taught kind, and has a marvellous faculty for finding out -nests and rare habitats, and for tracking unusual trails to the hidden -home. - -There is no prettier sight among girls than the nymph when thoroughly -at her ease, and enjoying herself in her own peculiar way. That -wonderful grace of unconsciousness which belongs to savages and -animals belongs to her also, and she moves with a supple freedom which -affectation or shyness would equally destroy. To see her running down -a green field, with the sunlight falling on her; her light dress blown -into coloured clouds by the wind; her step a little too long for the -correct town-walk--but so firmly planted and yet so light, so swift, -so even!--her cheeks freshly flushed by exercise; her eyes bright and -fearless; her white teeth shown below her upper lip as she comes -forward with a ringing laugh, carrying a young bird which she has just -caught, or a sheaf of wild flowers for which she has been perilling -her neck, is to see a beautiful and gracious picture which you -remember with pleasure all your life after. Or you meet her quite -alone on a wide bleak moor, with her hat in her hand and her hair -blowing across her face, looking for plovers' eggs, or ferns and -orchids down in the damp hollows. She is by no means dressed according -to the canons of _Le Follet_, and yet she always manages to have -something picturesque about her--something that would delight an -artist's taste, and that is in perfect harmony with herself and her -surroundings--which she wears with profound ignorance as to how well -it suits her--or at most with only an instinctive knowledge that -it is the right thing for her. She may be shy as she meets you; if she -is passing out of the nymph state into that of conscious womanhood, -she will be shy; but if still a nymph with no disturbing influences at -work, she will probably look at you with a fixed, perplexing, -half-provoking look of frank curiosity which you can neither notice -nor take advantage of; the trammels of conventional life fettering one -side heavily, if not the other. - -Shocking as it is to say, the nymph may sometimes be met on the top of -a haycart, and certainly in the hayfield, where she is engaged in -scattering the 'cocks,' if not in raising them; and where even the -haymakers themselves--and they are not a notably romantic race--do not -grumble at the extra trouble she gives them, because of her evident -delight in her misdeeds. Besides, she has a bright word for them as -she passes; for the nymph has democratic tendencies, and is frank and -'affable' to all classes alike. She needs to be a little looked after -in this direction, not for mischief but for manners; for, if not -judiciously checked, she may become in time coarse. There are seamy -sides to everything, and the nymph does not escape the general law. - -If the nymph condescends to any game at all, it is croquet, at which -she is inexorably severe. She knows nothing of the little weakness -which makes her elder sisters overlook the patent spooning of the -favourite curate, even though he is opposed to them--nothing of -the tender favouritism which pushes on an awkward partner by deeds of -helping outside the law. The nymph, who has no weakness nor tenderness -of that kind, knows only the game; and the game has not elastic -boundaries. Therefore she is inflexible in her justice to one side and -the other. Is it not the game? she says when reproached with being -disagreeable and unamiable. - -But even croquet is slow to the nymph, who has been known to handle a -bat not discreditably, and who is an adept at firing at a mark with -real powder and ball. If she lives near a lake, a river, or the sea, -she is first-rate at boating, can feather her oar and back water with -the skill of a veteran oarsman, and can reef a sail or steer close -without the slightest hesitation or nervousness. She is also a famous -swimmer, and takes the water like a duck; and at an ordinary summer -seaside resort, if by chance she ever profanes herself by showing off -there, she attracts a crowd of beach-loungers to watch her feats far -outside the safe barrier of the bathing-machines. She is a great -walker, wherever she lives. If a mountaineer, she is a clever -cragswoman, making it a point of honour to go to the top of the most -difficult and dangerous mountains in her neighbourhood, and coaxing -her brothers to let her join them and their friends in expeditions -which require both nerve and strength. - -Her greatest sphere of social glory is a picnic, where she always -heads the exploring party, clambering up the rocks of the -waterfall, or diving down into the close-smelling caves, or scaling -the crumbling walls of the ruin before any one else can come up to -her. She is specially happy at old ruins, where she flits in and out -among the broken columns and under the mouldering arches, like a -spirit of the place unduly disturbed. Sometimes she climbs up by -unseen means, till she reaches a point where it makes one dizzy to see -her; and sometimes she startles her company by the sudden bleating of -a sheep, or the wild hoot of an owl. For she can imitate the sounds of -animals for the most part with wonderful accuracy; though she can also -sing simple ballads without music, with sweetness and correctness. She -is fond of all animals and fears none. She will pass through a field -thronged with wild-looking cattle without the least hesitation; and -makes friends even with the yelping farm-dogs which come snapping and -snarling at her heels. In winter she feeds the wood-birds by flocks, -and always takes care that the horses have a handful of corn or a -carrot when she goes to see them, and that the cows are the better for -her visit by a bunch of lucerne or a fat fresh cabbage-leaf. The -home-beasts show their pleasure when they hear her fleet footstep on -the paved yard; and her favourite pony whinnies to her in a peculiar -voice as she passes his stable door. These are her friends, and their -love for her is her reward. - -In her early days the nymph was notorious for her dilapidated -attire, perplexing mother and nurse to mend, or to understand why or -how it had come about. But as her favourite hiding-place was in a -forked branch midway up an old tree in the shrubbery, or a natural -arbour which she had cut out for herself in the very heart of the -underwood, it was scarcely to be wondered at if cloth and cotton -testified to the severity of her retreats. She has still mysterious -rents in her skirts, got no one knows how; and her mother still -laments over her aptitude for rags, and wishes she could be brought to -see the beauty of unstained apparel. She is given to early rising--to -fits indeed of rising at some wild hour in the morning, for walks -before breakfast and the like innocent insanities. Sometimes she takes -it in hand to educate herself in certain stoicisms, and goes without -butter at breakfast or without breakfast altogether, if she thinks -that thereby she will grow stronger or less inclined to -self-indulgence. For drink she will never touch wine nor beer; but she -likes new milk, and is great in her capacity for water. - -The nymph is almost always of the middle-classes. It is next to -impossible indeed that she should be found in the higher ranks, where -girls are not left to themselves, and where no one lives in far-away -country places out of the reach of public opinion and beyond the range -of public overlooking. Some years ago, before the railroads and -monster hotels had made the mountain districts like Hampstead or -Richmond on a Sunday afternoon, the nymph was to be found in -great abundance down in Cumberland and Westmoreland. By the more -remote lakes, like Buttermere and Hawes Water, and in the secluded -valleys running up from the larger lakes, you would come upon square -stuccoed houses, generally abominably ugly, where the nymph was -mistress of the situation. She might be met riding about alone in a -flapping straw hat, long before hats were fashionable headgear for -women, and in a blue baize skirt for all the riding-habit thought -necessary; or she might be encountered on the wild fell sides, or on -the mountain heights, or in her boat sculling among the lonely lake -islets, or gathering water-lilies in the bays. In the desolate stretch -of moorland country to the north of Skiddaw the whole female -population a few years ago was of the nymph kind; but railroads and -the penny-post, cheap trains, fashion and fine-ladyism have penetrated -even into the heart of the wild mountains, and now the nymph there is -only a transitional development--not, as formerly, a fixed type. - -The nymph is the very reverse of a flirt. She has no inclination that -way, and looks shy and awkward at the men who pay her compliments or -attempt anything like sentimentality. But she is not superior to boys, -who are her chosen companions and favourites. A bold, brave boy, who -just overtops her in skill and daring, is her delight; but anything -over twenty is 'awfully old,' while forty and sixty are so remote that -the lines blur and blend together and have no distinction. By-and-by -the nymph becomes a staid young woman, and marries. If she goes -into a close town and has children, very often her vigorous health -gives way, and we see her in a few years nervous, emaciated, -consumptive, and with a pitiful yearning for 'home' more pathetic than -all the rest. But if she remains where she is, in the fresh pure air -of her native place, she retains her youth and strength long after the -age when ordinary women lose theirs, and her children are celebrated -as magnificent specimens of the future generation. - -We often see in country places matrons of over forty who are still -like young women, both in looks and bearing, both in mental innocence -and physical power. They have the shy and innocent look of girls; they -blush like girls; they know less evil than almost any town-bred girl -of eighteen, mothers of stalwart youths though they may be; they can -walk and laugh and take pleasure in their lives like girls; and their -daughters find them as much sisters as mothers. It is not quite the -same thing if they do not marry; for among the saddest sights of -social life is that terrible fading and withering away of comely, -healthy, vigorous young country girls, who slowly pass from nymphs, -full of grace and beauty, of happiness and power, to antiquated -virgins, soured, useless, debilitated and out of nature. Of these, -too, there are plenty in country places; but perhaps some scheme will -be some day set afoot which shall redress the overweighted balance and -bring to the service of the future some of the healthiest and -best of our women. Meanwhile the fresh, innocent, breezy nymph is a -charming study; and may the time be far distant which shall see her -tamed and civilized out of existence altogether! - - - - -_MÉSALLIANCES._ - - -The French system of parents arranging the marriage of their children -without the consent of the girl being even asked, but assumed as -granted, is not so wholly monstrous as many people in England believe. -It seems to be founded on the idea that, given a young girl who has -been kept shut up from all possibility of forming the most shadowy -attachment for any man whatsoever, and present to her as her husband a -sufficiently well-endowed and nice-looking man, with whom come -liberty, pretty dresses, balls, admiration and social standing, and -the chances are she will love him and live with him in tolerable -harmony to the end of the chapter. And this idea is by no means wholly -beside the truth, as we find it in practice. The parents, who are -better judges of character and circumstance than the daughter can -possibly be, are supposed to take care that their future son-in-law is -up to their standard, whatever that may be, and that the connexion is -not of a kind to bring discredit on their house; and on this and the -joint income, as the solid bases, they build the not very unreasonable -hypothesis that one man is as good as another for the satisfaction -of a quite untouched and virginal fancy, and that suitable external -conditions go further and last longer than passion. They trust to the -force of instinct to make all square with the affections, while they -themselves arrange for the smooth running of the social circumstances; -and they are not far out in their calculations. - -The young people of the two lonely lighthouse islands, who made love -to each other through telescopes, are good examples of the way in -which instinct simulates the impulse which calls itself love when -there are two or three instead of one to look at. For we may be quite -sure that had the lighthouse island youth been John instead of James, -fair instead of dark, garrulous instead of reticent, short and fat -instead of tall and slender, the lighthouse island girl would have -loved him all the same, and would have quite believed that this man -was the only man she ever could have loved, and that her instinctive -gravitation was her free choice. - -The French system of marriage, then, based on this accommodating -instinct, works well for women who are not strongly individual, not -inconstant by temperament, and not given to sentimentality. But, -seeing that all women are not merely negative, and that passions and -affections do sometimes assert themselves inconveniently, the system -has had the effect of making society lenient to the little follies of -married women, unless too strongly pronounced--partly because the -human heart insists on a certain amount of free-will, which fact -must be recognized--but partly, we must remember, because of the want -of the young-lady element in society. In England, where our girls are -let loose early, we have free-trade in flirting; consequently, we -think that all that sort of thing ought to be done before marriage, -and that, when once a woman has made her choice and put her neck under -the yoke, she ought to stick to her bargain and loyally fulfil her -self-imposed engagement. - -One consequence of this free-trade in flirting and this large amount -of personal liberty is that love-marriages are more frequent with us -than with the French, with whom indeed, in the higher classes, they -are next to impossible; and, unfortunately, the corollary to this is -that love-marriages are too often _mésalliances_. There is of course -no question, ethically, between virtuous vulgarity and refined vice. A -groom who smells of the stable and speaks broad Somersetshire or -racier Cumberland, but who is brave, faithful, honest, incapable of a -lie or of meanness in any form, is a better man than the best-bred -gentleman whose life is as vicious as his bearing is unexceptionable. -The most undeniable taste in dress, and the most correct -pronunciation, would scarcely reconcile us to cruelty, falsehood, or -cowardice; and yet we do not know a father who would prefer to give -his girl to the groom, rather than the gentleman, and who would think -horny-handed virtue, dressed in fustian and smelling of the stable, -the fitter husband of the two. - -If we take the same case out of our own time and circumstances, we -have no doubt as to the choice to be made. It seems to us a very -little matter that honest Charicles should tell his love to Aglaë in -the broad Doric tongue instead of in the polished Athenian accents to -which she was accustomed; that he should wear his chiton a hand's -breadth too long or a span too short; that his chlamys should be flung -across his brawny chest in a way which the young bloods of the time -thought ungraceful; or that, as he assisted at a symposium, he should -not hold the rhyton at quite the proper angle, but in a fashion at -which the refined Cleon laughed as he nudged his neighbour. Yet all -these conventional solecisms, of no account whatever now, would have -weighed heavily against poor Charicles when he went to demand Aglaë's -hand; and the balance would probably have gone down in favour of that -scampish Cleon, who was an Athenian of the Athenians, perfect in all -the graces of the age, but not to be compared to his rival in anything -that makes a man noble or respectable. We, who read only from a -distance, think that Aglaë's father made a mistake, and that the -honester man would have been the better choice of the two. - -It is only when we bring the same circumstances home to ourselves that -we realize the immense importance of the social element; and how, in -this complex life of ours, we are unable to move in a single line -independent of all it touches. Imagine a fine old county family -with a son-in-law who ate peas with his knife, said 'you was' and -'they is,' and came down to dinner in a shooting-jacket and a blue -bird's-eye tied in a wisp about his throat! He might be the possessor -of all imaginable virtues, and, if occasion required, a very hero and -a _preux chevalier_, however rough; but occasions in which a man can -be a hero or a _preux chevalier_ are rare, whereas dinner comes every -day, and the senses are never shut. The core within a conventionally -ungainly envelope may be as sound as is possible to a corrupt -humanity, but social life requires manners as well as principles; and -though eating peas with a knife is not so bad as telling falsehoods, -still we should all agree in saying, Give us truth that does not eat -peas with its knife; let us have honesty in a dress coat and -pureheartedness in a clean shirt, seeing that there is no absolute -necessity why these several things should be disunited. - -Love-marriages, made against the will of the parents before the -character is formed and while the obligations of society are still -unrealized, are generally _mésalliances_ founded on passion and fancy -only. A man and woman of mature age who know what they want may make a -_mésalliance_, but it is made with a full understanding and deliberate -choice; and, if the thing turns out badly, they can blame themselves -less for precipitancy than for wrong calculation. The man of fifty who -marries his cook knows what he most values in women. It is not manners -and it is not accomplishments; perhaps it is usefulness, perhaps -good-temper; at all events it is something that the cook has and that -the ladies of his acquaintance have not, and he is content to take the -disadvantages of his choice with its advantages. But the boy who runs -away with his mother's maid neither calculates nor sees any -disadvantages. He marries a pretty girl because her beauty has touched -his senses; or he is got hold of by an artful woman who has bamboozled -and seduced him. It is only when his passion has worn off that he -wakes to the full consequences of his mistake, and understands then -how right his parents were when they cashiered his pretty Jane so soon -as they became aware of what was going on, and sent that artful Sarah -to the right about--just a week too late. - -It is the same with girls; but in a far greater extent. If a youth's -_mésalliance_ is a millstone round his neck for life, a girl's is -simply destruction. The natural instinct with all women is to marry -above themselves; and we know on what physiological basis this -instinct stands, and what useful racial ends it serves. And the -natural instinct is as true in its social as in its physiological -expression. A woman's honour is in her husband; her status, her social -life, are determined by his; and even the few women who, having made a -bad marriage, have nerve and character enough to set themselves free -from the personal association, are never able to thoroughly regain -their maiden place. There is always something about them which -clogs and fetters them; always a kind of doubtful and depressing aura -that surrounds and influences them. If they have not strength to free -themselves, they never cease to feel the mistake they have made, until -the old sad process of degeneration is accomplished, and the -'grossness of his nature' has had strength to drag her down. After a -time, if her ladyhood has been of a superficial kind only, a woman who -has married beneath herself may ease down into her groove and be like -the man she has married; if, however, she has sufficient force to -resist outside influences she will not sink, and she will never cease -to suffer. She has sinned against herself, her class and her natural -instincts; and has done substantially a worse thing than has the boy -who married his mother's maid. Society understands this, and not -unjustly if harshly punishes the one while it lets the other go -scot-free; so that the woman who makes a _mésalliance_ suffers on -every side, and destroys her life almost as much as the woman who goes -wrong. - -All this is as evident to parents and elders as that the sun shines. -They understand the imperative needs of social life, and they know how -fleeting are the passions of youth and how they fade by time and use -and inharmonious conditions; and they feel that their first duty to -their children is to prevent a _mésalliance_ which has nothing, and -can have nothing, but passion for its basis. But novelists and poets -are against the hard dull dictates of worldly wisdom, and join in -the apotheosis of love at any cost--all for love and the world well -lost; love in a cottage, with nightingales and honeysuckles as the -chief means of paying the rent; Libussa and her ploughman; the -princess and the swineherd, &c. And the fathers who stand out against -the ruin of their girls by means of estimable men of inferior -condition and with not enough to live on, are stony-hearted and cruel, -while the daughters who take to cold poison in the back-garden, if -they cannot compass a secret honeymoon or an open flight, have all the -world's sympathy and none of its censure. The cruel parent is the -favourite whipping-boy of poetry and fiction; and yet which is likely -to be the better guide--reason or passion? experience or ignorance? -calculation or impulse? maturity which can judge or youth which can -only feel? There would be no hesitation in any other case than that of -love; but the love-instinct is generally considered to be superior to -every other consideration, and has to be obeyed as a divine voice, no -matter at what cost or consequence. - -The ideal of life, according to some, is founded on early marriages. -But men are slower in the final setting of their character than women, -and one never knows how a young fellow of twenty or so will turn out. -If he is devout now, he may be an infidel at forty; if, under home -influences, he is temperate and pure, when these are withdrawn he may -become a rake of the fastest kind. His temper, morals, business -power, ability to resist temptation, all are as yet inchoate and -undefined; nothing is sure; and the girl's fancy that makes him -perfect in proportion to his good looks, is a mere instinct determined -by chance association. - -A girl, too, has more character than she shows in her girlhood. Though -she sets sooner than men, she does not set unalterably, and marriage -and maternity bring out the depths of her nature as nothing else can. -It is only common-sense, then, to marry her to a man whose character -is already somewhat formed, rather than to one who is still fluid and -floating. - -It is all very well to talk of fighting the battle of life together, -and welding together by time. Many a man has been ruined by these -metaphors. The theory, partly true and partly pretty, is good enough -in its degree; and, indeed, so far as the welding goes, we weld -together in almost all things by time. We wear our shoe till we wear -it into shape and it ceases to pinch us; but, in the process, we go -through a vast deal of pain, and are liable to make corns which last -long after the shoe itself fits easily. We do not advocate the French -system of marrying off our girls according to our own ideas of -suitableness, and without consulting them; but we not the less think -that, of all fatal social mistakes, _mésalliances_ are the most fatal, -and, in the case of women, to be avoided and prevented at any -cost short of a broken heart or a premature death. And even death -would sometimes be better than the life-long misery, the enduring -shame and humiliation, of certain _mésalliances_. - - - - -_WEAK SISTERS._ - - -The line at which a virtue becomes a vice through excess can never be -exactly defined, being one of those uncertain conditions which each -mind must determine for itself. But there is a line, wheresoever we -may choose to set it; and it is just this fine dividing mark which -women are so apt to overrun. For women, as a rule, are nothing if not -extreme. Whether as saints or sinners, they carry a principle to its -outside limits; and of all partizans they are the most thoroughgoing, -whether it be to serve God or the devil, liberty or bigotry, Bible -Communism or Calvinistic Election. Sometimes they are just as extreme -in their absolute negation of force, and in the narrowness of the -limits within which they would confine all human expression either by -word or deed--and especially all expression of feminine life. These -are the women who carry womanly gentleness into the exaggeration of -self-abasement, and make themselves mere footstools for the stronger -creature to kick about at his pleasure; the weak sisters who think all -self-reliance unfeminine, and any originality of thought or character -an offence against the ordained inferiority of their sex. They -are the parasitic plants of the human family, living by and on the -strength of others; growths unable to stand alone, and, when deprived -of their adventitious support, falling to the ground in a ruin perhaps -worse than death. - -It is sad to see one of these weak sisters when given up to herself -after she has lived on the strength of another. As a wife, she was -probably a docile, gentle kind of Medora--at least on the outside; for -we must not confound weakness with amiability--suffering many things -because of imperfect servants and unprofitable tradesmen, maybe -because of unruly children and encroaching friends, over none of whom -she had so much moral power as enabled her to hold them in check; but -on the whole drifting through her days peacefully enough, and, though -always in difficulties, never quite aground. She had a tower of -strength in her husband, on whom she leaned for assistance in all she -undertook, whether it were to give a dose of Dalby to the child, or a -scolding to the maid, or to pronounce upon the soundness of two rival -sects each touting for her soul. While he lived she obeyed his -counsel--not always without a futile echo of discontent in her own -heart--and copied his opinions with what amount of accuracy nature had -bestowed on her; though it must be confessed more often making a -travesty than a facsimile, according to the trick of inferior -translators, and not necessarily better pleased with his opinions than -with his counsels. For your weak sister is frequently peevish, -and though unable to originate is not always ready to obey cheerfully; -cheerfulness indeed being for the most part an attribute of power. - -Still, there stood her tower of strength, and while it stood, she, the -parasite growing round it, did well enough, and flourished with a -pleasant semblance of individual life into the hollowness of which it -was no one's business to inquire. But when the tower fell, where was -the ivy? The husband taken away, what became of the wife?--he who had -been the life and she only the parasite. Abandoned to the poor -resources of her own judgment she is like one suddenly thrown into -deep water, not knowing how to swim. She has no judgment. She has been -so long accustomed to rely on the mind of another, that her will is -paralyzed for want of use. She is any one's tool, any one's echo, and -worse than that, if left to herself she is any one's victim. All she -wants is to be spared the hardship of self-reliance and to be directed -free of individual exertion. She is utterly helpless--helpless to act, -to direct, to decide; and it depends on the mere chance of -proprietorship whether her slavery shall be degradation or protection, -ruin or safety. For she will be a slave, whosoever may be her -proprietor; being the pabulum of which slaves and victims are -naturally formed. The old age of Medora is Mrs. Borradaile, who, if -her husband had lived, would have probably ended her life in an -honourable captivity and a well-directed subserviency. - -We often see this kind of helpless weakness in the daughter of a man -of overbearing will, or of a termagant mother fond of managing and -impatient of opposition. During the plastic time of her life, when -education might perhaps have developed a sufficient amount of mental -muscle, and a course of judicious moulding might have fairly set her -up, she is snubbed and suppressed till all power is crushed out of -her. She is taught the virtue of self-abnegation till she has no self -to abnegate; and the backbone of her individuality is so incessantly -broken that at last there is no backbone left in her to break. She has -become a mere human mollusc which, when it loses its native shell, -drifts helplessly at the mercy of chance currents into the maw of any -stronger creature that may fancy it for his prey. One often sees these -poor things left orphans and friendless at forty or fifty years of -age. They have lived all their lives in leading-strings, and now are -utterly unable to walk alone. They are infants in all knowledge of the -world, of business, of human life; their youth is gone, and with it -such beauty and attractiveness as they might have had, so that men who -liked them when fresh and gentle at twenty do not care to accept their -wrinkled helplessness at forty. They have been kept in and kept down, -and so have made no friends of their own; and then, when the -strong-willed father dies and the termagant mother goes to the place -where the wicked cease from troubling, the mollusc these have hitherto -protected is left defenceless and alone. If she has money, her -chances of escape from the social sharks always on the look-out for -fat morsels are very small indeed. It is well if she falls into no -worse hands than those of legitimate priests of either section, -whether enthusiastic for chasubles or crazy for missions; and if her -money is put to no baser use than supplying church embroidery for some -Brother Ignatius at home, or blankets for converted Africans in the -tropics. It might go into Agapemones, into spiritual Athenæums, into -Bond Street back-parlours, where it certainly would do no good, take -it any way one would; for, as it must go into some side-channel dug by -stronger hands than hers, the question is, into which of the -innumerable conduits offered for the conveyance of superfluous means -shall it be directed? - -This is the woman who is sure to go in for religious excess of one -kind or another, and for whom therefore, a convent with a sympathetic -director is a godsend past words to describe. She is unfit for the -life of the world outside. She has neither strength to protect -herself, nor beauty to win the loving protection of men; she cannot be -taken as a precious charge, but she will be made a pitiable victim; -and, though matins and vespers come frightfully often, surely the -narrow safety of a convent-cell is a better fate for her than the -publicity of the witness-box at the Old Bailey! As she must have a -master, her condition depends on what master she has; and the -whole line of her future is ruled according to the fact whether she is -directed or 'exploited,' and used to serve noble ends or base ones. - -As a mother, the weak sister is even more unsatisfactory than as a -spinster left to herself with funds which she can manipulate at -pleasure. She is affectionate and devoted; but of what use are -affection and devotion without guiding sense or judgment? Even in the -nursery, and while the little ones need only physical care, she is -more obstructive than helpful, never having so much self-reliance nor -readiness of wit as to dare a remedy for one of those sudden maladies, -incidental to children, which are dangerous just in proportion to the -length of time they are allowed to run unchecked. And if she should by -chance remember anything of therapeutic value, she has no power to -make her children take what they don't like to take, nor do what they -don't like to do. In the horror of an accident she is lost. If her -child were to cut an artery, she would take it up into her lap -tenderly enough, but she would never dream of stopping the flow; if it -swallowed poison, she would send for the doctor who lives ten miles -away; and if it set itself on fire, she would probably rush with it -into the street, for the chance of assistance from a friendly -passer-by. She never has her senses under serviceable command; and her -action in a moment of danger generally consists in unavailing pity or -in obstructive terror, but never in useful service nor in valuable -suggestion. - -But if useless in her nursery while her children are young, she is -even more helpless as they get older; and the family of a weak woman -grows up, unassisted by counsel or direction, just as the old Adam -wills and the natural bent inclines. Her girls may be loud and fast, -her sons idle and dissipated, but she is powerless to correct or to -influence. If her husband does not take the reins into his own hands, -or if she be a widow, the young people manage matters for themselves -under the perilous guidance of youthful passions and inexperience. And -nine times out of ten they give her but a rough corner for her own -share. They have no respect for her, and, unless more generously -compassionate than young people usually are, scarcely care to conceal -the contempt they cannot help feeling. What can she expect? If she was -not strong enough to root out the tares while still green and tender, -can she wonder at their luxuriant growth about her feet now? She, like -every one else, must learn the sad meaning of retribution, and how the -weakness which allowed evil to flourish unsubdued has to share in its -consequences and to suffer for its sin. - -Unsatisfactory in her home, the weak sister does not do much better in -society. She is there the embodiment of restriction. She can bear -nothing that has any flavour or colour in it. Topics of broad human -interest are forbidden in her presence because they are vulgar, -improper, unfeminine. She takes her stand on her womanhood, and makes -that womanhood to be something apart from humanity in the gross. -There must be no cakes and ale for others if she be virtuous; and -spades are not to be called spades when she is by to hear. She is the -limit beyond which no one must go, under pain of such displeasure as -the weak sister can show. And, weak as she is in many things, she can -compass a certain strength of displeasure; she can condemn, -persistently if not passionately. - -Nothing is more curious than the way in which the weak sister -exercises this power of condemnation, and nothing much more wide than -its scope. If incapable of yielding to certain temptations, because -incapable of feeling them, she has no pity for those who have not been -able to resist; yet, on the other hand, she cannot comprehend the -vigour of those who withstand such influences as conquer her. If she -be under the shadow of family protection, safe in the power of those -who know how to hold her in all honour and prosperity, she cannot -forgive the poor weak waif--no weaker than herself!--who has been -caught up in the outside desert of desolation, and made to subserve -evil ends. Yet, on the other hand, for the woman who is able to think -and act for herself she has a kind of superstitious horror; and she -shrinks from one who has made herself notorious, no matter what the -mode or method, as from something tainted, something unnatural and -unwomanly. She has even grave doubts respecting the lawfulness of -doing good if the manner of it gets into the papers and names are -mentioned as well as things; and though the fashion of the day favours -feminine notoriety in all directions, she holds by the instinct of her -temperament, and languidly maintains that woman is the cipher to which -man alone gives distinctive value. Griselda and Medora are the types -to her of womanly perfection; and the only strength she tolerates in -her own sex is the strength of endurance and the power of patience. -She has no doubt in her own mind that the ordained purpose of woman is -to be convenient for the high-handedness and brutality of man; and any -woman who objects to this theory, and demands a better place for -herself, is flying in the face of Providence and forfeiting one of the -distinctive privileges of her sex. For the weak sister thinks, like -some others, that it is better to be destroyed by orthodox means than -to be saved by heterodox ones; and that if good Christians uphold -moral suttee, they are only pagans and barbarians who would put out -the flames and save the victim from the burning. So far she is -respectable, in that she has a distinct theory about something; but it -is wonderfully eloquent of her state that it should only be the theory -of Griseldadom as womanly perfection, and the beauty to be found in -the moral of Cinderella sitting supinely among the ashes, and -forbidden to own even the glass-slipper that belonged to her. -Fortunately for the world, the weak sister and her theories do not -rule. Indeed we are in danger of going too much the other way in -these times, and the revolt of our women against undue slavery goes -very near to a revolt against wise submission. Still, women who are to -be the mothers of men ought to have some kind of power, if the men are -to be worth their place in the world; and if we want creatures with -backbones we must not give our strength to rearing a race of molluscs. - - - - -_PINCHING SHOES._ - - -There are two ways of dealing with pinching shoes. The one is to wear -them till you get accustomed to the pressure, and so to wear them -easy; the other is to kick them off and have done with them -altogether. The one is founded on the accommodating principle of human -nature by which it is enabled to fit itself to circumstances, the -other is the high-handed masterfulness whereby the earth is subdued -and obstacles are removed; the one is emblematic of Christian -patience, the other of Pagan power. Both are good in certain states -and neither is absolutely the best for all conditions. There are some -shoes indeed, which, do what we will, we can never wear easy. We may -keep them well fixed on our feet all our life, loyally accepting the -pressure which fate and misfortune have imposed on us; but we go lame -and hobbled in consequence, and never know what it is to make a free -step, nor to walk on our way without discomfort. Examples abound; for -among all the pilgrims toiling more or less painfully through life to -death, there is not one whose shoes do not pinch him somewhere, how -easy soever they may look and how soft soever the material of which -they may be made. Even those proverbial possessors of roomy -shoes, the traditional King and Princess, have their own little -private bedroom slippers which pinch them, undetected by the gaping -multitude who measure happiness by lengths of velvet and weight of -gold embroidery; and the envied owners of the treasure which all seek -and none find might better stand as instances of sorrow than of -happiness--examples of how badly shod poor royalty is, and how, far -more than meaner folk, it suffers from the pinching of its regal -shoes. - -The uncongeniality of a profession into which a man may have been -forced by the injudicious overruling of his friends, or by the -exigencies of family position and inherited rights, is one form of the -pinching shoe by no means rare to find. And here, again, poor royalty -comes in for a share of the grip on tender places, and the consequent -hobbling of its feet. For many an hereditary king was meant by nature -to be nothing but a plain country gentleman at the best--perhaps even -less; many, like poor 'Louis Capet,' would have gone to the end quite -happily and respectably if only they might have kicked off the -embroidered shoes of sovereignty and betaken themselves to the -highlows of the herd--if only they might have exchanged the sceptre -for the turning-lathe, the pen or the fowling-piece. 'Je déteste mon -métier de roi,' Victor Emmanuel is reported to have said to a -republican friend who sympathized with the monarch's well-known tastes -in other things beside his hatred of the kingly profession; and -history repeats this frank avowal in every page. But the purple is as -hard to be got rid of as Deianeira's robe; for the most part carrying -the skin along with it and trailed through a pool of blood in the act -of transfer--which is scarcely what royalty, oppressed with its own -greatness, and willing to rid itself of sceptre and shoes that it may -enjoy itself in list-slippers after a more bourgeoise fashion, would -find in accordance with its wishes. - -Lower down in the social scale we find the same kind of misfit between -nature and position as a very frequent occurrence--pinching shoes, -productive of innumerable corns and tender places, being many where -the feet represent the temperament and the shoes are the profession. -How often we see a natural 'heavy' securely swathed in cassock and -bands, and set up in the pulpit of the family church, simply because -the tithes were large and the advowson was part of the family -inheritance. But that stiff rectorial shoe of his will never wear -easy. The man's secret soul goes out to the parade-ground and the -mess-table. The glitter and jingle and theatrical display of a -soldier's life seem to him the finest things in the whole round of -professions, and the quiet uneventful life of a village pastor is of -all the most abhorrent. He wants to act, not to teach. Yet there he -is, penned in beyond all power of breaking loose on this side the -grave; bound to drone out muddled sermons half an hour long and -eminently good for sleeping draughts, instead of shouting terse -and stirring words of command which set the blood on fire to hear; -bound to rout the shadowy enemy of souls with weapons he can neither -feel nor use, instead of prancing off at the head of his men, waving -his drawn sword above his head in a whirlwind of excitement and -martial glory, to rout the tangible enemies of his country's flag. He -loves his wife and takes a mild parsonic pleasure in his roses; he -energizes his schools and beats up recruits for his parish penny -readings; he lends his pulpit to missionary delegates and takes the -chair at the meeting for the conversion of Jews; he does his duty, -poor man, so far as he knows how and so far as nature gave him the -power; but his feet are in pinching shoes all his life long, and no -amount of walking on the clerical highway can ever make them pleasant -wearing. Or he may have a passionate love for the sea, and be mewed up -in a lawyer's musty office where his large limbs have not half enough -space for their natural activity; where he is perched for twelve hours -out of the twenty-four on a high stool against a desk instead of -climbing cat-like up the ropes; and where he is set to engross a -longwinded deed of conveyance, or to make a fair copy of a bill of -costs, instead of bearing a hand in a gale and saving his ship by -pluck and quickness. He could save a ship better than he can engross a -deed; while, as for law, he cannot get as much of that into his heavy -brain as would enable him to advise a client on the simplest case of -assault; but he knows all the differences of rig, and the whole -code of signals, and can tell you to a nicety about the flags of all -nations, and the name and position of every spar and stay and sheet, -and when to reef and when to set sail, with any other nautical -information to be had from books and a chance cruise as far as the -Nore. That pen behind his ear never ceases to gall and fret; his shoe -never ceases to pinch; and to the last day of his life the high stool -in the lawyer's office will be a place of penance and the sailor's -quarter-deck the lost heaven of his ambition. - -No doubt, by the time the soldier wrongly labelled as a parson or the -sailor painfully working the legal treadmill, comes to the end of his -career, the old shoe which has pinched him so long will be worn -comparatively easy. The gradual decay of manly vigour, and the slow -but sure destruction of strong desires, reduce one's feet at last to -masses of accommodating pulp; but what suffering we go through before -this result can be attained!--what years of fruitless yearning, of -fierce despair, of pathetic self-suppression, of jarring discord -between work and fitness, pound all the life out of us before our -bones become like wax and pinching shoes are transformed to -easy-fitting slippers! For itself alone, not counting the beyond to -which the hope clings, it would scarcely seem that such a life were -worth the living. - -Another pinching shoe is to be found in climate and locality. A man -hungering for the busy life of the city has to vegetate in the -rural districts, where the days drop one after the other like leaden -bullets, and time is only marked by an accession of dulness. Another, -thirsting for the repose of the country, has to jostle daily through -Cheapside. To one who thinks Canadian salmon-fishing the supreme of -earthly happiness, fate gives the chance of chasing butterflies in -Brazil; to another who holds 'the common objects of the seashore' of -more account than silver and gold, an adverse fortune assigns a -station in the middle of a plain as arid as if the world had been made -without water; and a third, who cares for nothing but the free -breathing of the open moors or the rugged beauty of the barren fells, -is dropped down into the heart of a narrow valley where he cannot see -the sun for the trees. At first this matter of locality seems to be -but a very small grip on the foot, not worth a second thought; but it -is one of a certain cumulative power impossible to describe, though -keen enough to him who suffers; and the pinching shoe of uncongenial -place is quite as hard to bear as that of uncongenial work. - -Again, a man to whom intellectual companionship means more than it -does to many is thrown into a neighbourhood where he cannot hope to -meet with comprehension, still less with sympathy. He is a -Freethinker, and the neighbourhood goes in for the strictest Methodism -or the highest ultra-Ritualism; he is a Radical, and he is in the very -focus of county Toryism, where the doctrine of equality and the -rights of man is just so much seditious blasphemy, while the British -Constitution is held as a direct emanation from divine wisdom second -only to the Bible; or he is a Tory to the backbone--and his backbone -is a pretty stiff one--and he is in the midst of that blatant kind of -Radicalism which thinks gentlehood a remnant of the dark ages, and -confounds good breeding with servility, and loyalty to the Crown with -oppression of the people. Surrounded by his kind, he is as much alone -as if in the middle of a desert. An Englishman among Englishmen, he -has no more mental companionship than if he were in a foreign country -where he and his neighbour spoke different tongues, and each had a set -of signs with not two agreeing. And this kind of solitude makes a -pinching shoe to many minds; though to some of the more self-centred -or defying kind it is bearable enough--perhaps even giving a sense of -roominess which closer communion would destroy. - -Of course one of the worst of our pinching shoes is matrimony, when -marriage means bondage and not union. The mismated wife or husband -never leaves off, willingly or unwillingly, squeezing the tender -places; and the more the pressure is objected to the worse the pain -becomes. And nothing can relieve it. A country gentleman, hating the -dust and noise of London, with all his interest in his county position -and all his pleasure in his place, and a wife whose love lies in -Queen's balls and opera-boxes, and to whom the country is simply a -slice out of Siberia wherever it may be; a hearty hospitable man, -liking to see his table well filled, and a wife with a weak digestion, -irritable nerves and a morbid horror of society; a pushing and -ambitious man, with a loud voice and an imposing presence, and a -shrinking fireside woman, who asks only to glide unnoticed through the -crowd and to creep noiselessly from her home to her grave--are not all -these shod with pinching shoes, which, do what they will, go on -pinching to the end, and which nothing short of death or the Sir James -Hannen of the time can remove? The pinching shoe of matrimony pinches -both sides equally--excepting indeed, one of the two is specially -phlegmatic or pachydermatous, and then the grip is harmless; but, as a -rule, the ring-fence of marriage doubles all conditions, and when A. -walks hobbled, B. falls lame, and both suffer from the same misfit. -However, the only thing to do is to bear and wear till the -upper-leather yields or till the foot takes the required shape; but -there is an eternity of pain to be gone through before either of these -desirable ends comes about; and the instinct which dreads pain, and -questions its necessity, is by no means a false one. For all that, we -must wear our pinching shoes of matrimony till death or the Divorce -Court pulls them from our feet; which points to the need of being more -careful than we usually are about the fit beforehand. - -Poverty has a whole rack full of pinching shoes very hard to get -accustomed to, and as bad to dance in lightly as were the fiery -slippers of the naughty little girl in the German fairy-tale. Given a -large heart, generous instincts and an empty purse, and we have the -conditions of a real tragedy, both individual and social. For poverty -does not mean only that elemental want of food and clothing which we -generally associate with its name. Poverty may have two thousand a -year as well as only a mouldy crust and three shillings a week from -the parish; and poverty cursing its sore feet in a brougham is quite -as common as poverty, full of corns and callosities, blaspheming -behind a costermonger's barrow. The shoe may pinch horribly, though -there is no question of hunger or the 'twopenny rope;' for it is all a -matter of relative degree, and the means wherewith to meet wants. But -as poverty is not one of those fixed conditions of human life which no -human power can remove, we have not perhaps quite so much sympathy -with its grips and pinches as in other things less remediable. For -while there is work still undone in the world, there is gain still to -be had. The man whose energies stagnate now in a dry channel can, if -he will, turn them into one more fertile; and if he is making but a -poor business out of meal, it is his own fault if he does not try to -make a better out of malt. Where the shoe pinches hardest is in places -which we cannot protect and with a grip which we cannot prevent; but -we cannot say this of poverty as a necessary and inalienable -condition, and sympathy is so much waste when circumstances can be -changed by energy or will. - - - - -_SUPERIOR BEINGS._ - - -Every now and then one comes across the path of a Superior Being--a -being who seems to imagine itself made out of a different kind of clay -from that which forms the coarser ruck of humanity, and whose presence -crushes us with a sense of our own inferiority, exasperating or -humiliating, according to the amount of natural pride bestowed upon -us. The superior being is of either sex and of all denominations; and -its superiority comes from many causes--being sometimes due to a wider -grasp of intellect, sometimes to a loftier standard of morals, -sometimes to better birth or a longer purse, and very often to the -simple conceit of itself which simulates superiority and believes in -its own apery. The chief characteristic of the superior being is that -exalted pity for inferiority which springs from the consciousness of -excellence. In fact, one of the main elements of superiority consists -in this sublime consciousness of private exaltation, and the immense -interval that separates it from the grosser condition it surveys. -Rivalry is essentially angry and contentious, but confessed -superiority can afford to be serene and compassionate. The little -people who live in that meagre sphere of theirs, mental and social, -with which not one point of its own extended circle comes in contact, -are deserving of all pity and are below anything like active -displeasure. That they should be content with such a meagre sphere -seems inconceivable to the superior being, as it contemplates its own -enlarged horizon with the complacency proper to a dweller in vastness. -Or it may be that its own world is narrow; and its superiority will -then be that it is high, safe, exclusive, while its pity will flow -down for those poor wayfarers who wander afield in broad latitudes, -and know nothing of the pleasure found in reserved places. In any case -the region in which a superior being dwells is better than the region -in which any other person dwells. - -Take a superior being who has made up a private account with truth, -and who has, in his own mind at least, unlocked the gate of the great -mysteries of life, and got to the back of that eternal Why? for ever -confronting us. It does not in the least degree signify how the key is -labelled. It may be High Church or Low Church, Swedenborgianism or -Positivism. The name has nothing to do with the thing. It is the -contented certainty of having unlocked that great gate at which others -are hammering in vain which confers the superiority, and how the thing -has been done does not affect the result. Neither does it disturb the -equanimity of the superior being when he meets with opposing superior -beings who have also made up their private accounts with truth, -but in quite another handwriting and with a different sum-total at the -bottom of the page; who have also unlocked the gate of the great -mysteries, but with a key of contradictory wards, while the gate -itself is of another order of architecture altogether. But then -nothing ever does disturb the equanimity of the superior being; for, -as he is above all rivalry, so is he beyond all teaching. The meeting -of two superior beings of hostile creed is like the meeting of the two -blind kings in the story, each claiming the crown for his own and both -ignorant of the very existence of a rival. It may be that the superior -being has soared away into the cold region of spiritual negation, -whence he regards the praying and praising multitudes who go to church -and believe in Providence as grown people regard children who still -believe in ghosts and fairies. Or it may be that he has plunged into -the phosphorescent atmosphere of mysticism and an all-pervading -superstition; and then all who hold by scientific law, and who think -the test of common sense not absolutely valueless, are Sadducees who -know nothing of the glorious liberty of the light, but who prefer to -live in darkness and to make themselves the agents of the great Lord -of Lies. - -Sometimes the superior being goes in for the doctrine of love and -impulse, as against reason or experience, holding the physiologist and -political economist as creatures absolutely devoid of feeling; and -sometimes his superiority is shown in the application of the -hardest material laws to the most subtle and delicate manifestations -of the mind. But on which side soever he ranks himself--as a -spiritualist to whom reason and matter are stumbling-blocks and -accursed, or as a materialist denying the existence of spiritual -influences at all--he is equally secure of his own superiority and -serene in his own conceit. That there should be two sides to any -question never seems to strike him; and that a man of another creed -should have as much right as himself to a hearing and consideration is -the one hard saying impossible for him to receive. With a light and -airy manner of playful contempt--sometimes with a heavy and Johnsonian -scorn that keeps no terms with an opponent--the superior being meets -all your arguments or batters down all your objections; sometimes, -indeed, he will not condescend even so far as this, but when you -express your adverse opinion just lifts up his eyebrows with a -good-humoured kind of surprise at your mental state, but lets you see -that he thinks you too hopeless, and himself too superior, to waste -powder and shot upon you. It is of the nature of things that there -should be moles and that there should be eagles; so much the worse for -the moles, who must be content to remain blind, not seeing things -patent to the nobler vision. - -The superior being is sometimes a person who is above all the passions -and weaknesses of ordinary men; a philosopher, or an etherealized -woman dwelling on serene Olympian heights which no clouds obscure -and where no earth-fogs rise. The passions which shake the human soul, -as tempests shake the forest trees, and warp men's lives according to -the run of their own lines, are unknown to these Olympian personages -who cannot understand their power. They look on these tempestuous -souls with a curious analytical gaze, speculating on the geography of -their Gethsemane, and wondering why they cannot keep as calm and quiet -as they themselves are. They sit in scornful judgment on the -mysterious impulses regulating human nature--regulating and -disturbing--and think how perfect all things would be if only passions -and instincts were cut out of the great plan, and men and women were -left to the dominion of pure reason. But they do not take into account -the law of constitutional necessity, and they are utterly unable to -strike a balance between the good and evil wrought both by the -tempests of souls and by those of nature. They only know that storms -are inconvenient, and that for themselves they have no need of such -convulsions to clear off stagnant humours; nor are they made of -elements which kindle and explode at the contact of such or such -materials. And if they know nothing of all this, why then should -others? If they can sit on Olympian heights serene above all passion, -why should not the whole world sit with them, and fogs and fires, -earthquakes and deluges, be conditions unknown? - -When this kind of superior being is a woman, there is something pretty -in the sublime assumption of her supremacy and the sweeping range -of her condemnation. Sheltered from temptation and secure from danger, -she looks out on life from the serene heights of her safe place, and -wonders how men can fail and women fall before the power of trials of -which she knows only the name. Her circulation is languid and her -temperament phlegmatic; and the burning desire of life which sends the -strong into danger, perhaps into sin, is as much unknown to her as is -the fever of the tropics to a Laplander crouching in his snow-hut. But -she judges none the less positively because of her ignorance; and, as -she looks into your quivering face with her untroubled eyes, lets you -see plainly enough how she despises all the human frailties under -which you may have tripped and stumbled. Sometimes she rebukes you -loftily. Your soul is sore with the consciousness of your sin, your -heart is weak with the pain of life; but the superior being tells you -that repentance cannot undo the evil that has been done, and that to -feel pain is weak. - -The superiority which some women assume over men is very odd. It is -like the grave rebuke of a child, not knowing what it is that it -rebukes. When women take up their parable and censure men for the wild -or evil things they do, not understanding how or why it has come about -that they have done them, and knowing as little of the inner causes as -of the outer, they are in the position of superior beings talking -unmitigated rubbish. To be sure, it is very sweet and innocent -rubbish, and has a lofty air about it that redeems what else -would be mere presumption; but there is no more practical worth in -what they say than there is in the child's rebuke when its doll will -not stand upright on sawdust legs, nor eat a crumb of cake with waxen -lips. This is one reason why women of the order of superior beings -have so little influence over men; they judge without knowledge and -condemn without insight. If they could thoroughly fathom man's nature, -so as to understand his difficulties, they would then have moral power -if their aims were higher than his, their principles more lofty, their -practice more pure. As it is, they have next to none; and the very men -who seem to yield most go only so far as to conceal what the superior -being disapproves of; they do not change because of her greater weight -of doctrine. - -Men show themselves as superior beings to women on another -count--intellectually, rather than morally. While women rebuke men for -their sins, men snub women for their follies; the one wields the -spiritual, the other the intellectual, weapon of castigation, and both -hold themselves superior, beyond all possibility of rivalry, according -to the chance of sex. The masculine view of a subject always imposes -itself on women as something unattainable by the feminine mind. Nine -times out of ten it brings them to a due sense of their own -inferiority, save in the case of the superior being, to whom of course -the masculine view counts for nothing against her own. But even when -women do not accept a man's opinions, they instinctively -recognize his greater value, his greater breadth and strength. Perhaps -they cry out against his hardness, if he is a political economist and -they are emotional; or against his lower morality if he goes in for -universal charity and philosophical latitudinarianism, and they are -enthusiasts with a clearly-defined faith and a belief in its -infallibility. These are wide tracts of difference between the two -minds, not to be settled by the _ipse dixit_ of even a superior being; -but in general the superiority of the man makes itself more felt than -the superiority of the woman. While one preaches, the other ridicules; -and snubbing does more than condemnation. - - - - -_FEMININE AMENITIES._ - - -A man's foes are those of his own household, and the keenest enemies -of women are women themselves. No one can inflict such humiliation on -a woman as can a woman when she chooses; for if the art of high-handed -snubbing belongs to men, that of subtle wounding is peculiarly -feminine, and is practised by the best-bred of the sex. Women are -always more or less antagonistic to each other. They are gregarious in -fashions and emulative in follies, but they cannot combine; they never -support their weak sisters; they shrink from those who are stronger -than the average; and if they would speak the truth boldly, they would -confess to a radical contempt for each other's intellect--which -perhaps is the real reason why the sect of the 'emancipated' commands -so small a following. - -Half a dozen ordinary men advocating 'emancipation' doctrines would do -more towards leavening the whole bulk of womankind than any number of -first-class women. Where these do stand by each other it is from -instinctive or personal affection rather than from class solidarity. -And this is one of the most striking distinctions of sex, and one -cause, among others, why men have the upper hand, and why they are -able to keep it. Certainly there are reasons, sufficiently good, why -women do not more readily coalesce; and one is the immense difference -between the two extremes--the silly being too silly to appreciate the -wise, and the weak too weak to bear the armour of the strong. There is -more difference between outsiders among women than there is among men; -the feminine characteristic of exaggeration making a gap which the -medium or average man fills. The ways of women with each other more -than all else show the great difference between their _morale_ and -that of men. They flatter and coax as men could not do, but they are -also more rude to each other than any man would be to his fellow. It -is amazing to see the things they can do and will bear--things which -no man would dream of standing and which no man would dare to attempt. -This is because they are not taught to respect each other, and because -they have no fear of consequences. If one woman is insulted by -another, she cannot demand satisfaction nor knock the offender down; -and it is unladylike to swear and call names. She must bear what she -can repay only in kind; but, to do her justice, she repays in a manner -undeniably effective and to the point. - -There is nothing very pronounced about the feminine modes of -aggression and retaliation; and yet each is eloquent and sufficient -for its purpose. It may be only a stare, a shrug, a toss of the -head; but women can throw an intensity of disdain into the simplest -gesture which answers the end perfectly. The unabashed serenity and -unflinching constancy with which one woman can stare down another is -in itself an art that requires a certain amount of natural genius, as -well as careful cultivation. She puts up her eyeglass--not being -shortsighted--and surveys the enemy standing two feet from her, with a -sublime contempt for her whole condition, or with a still more sublime -ignoring of her sentient existence, that no words could give. If the -enemy be sensitive and unused to the kind of thing, she is absolutely -crushed, destroyed for the time, and reduced to the most pitiable -state of self-abasement. If she be of a tougher fibre, and has had -some experience of feminine warfare, she returns the stare with a -corresponding amount of contempt or of obliviousness; and from that -moment a contest is begun which never ceases and which continually -gains in bitterness. The stare is the weapon of offence most in use -among women, and is specially favoured by the experienced against the -younger and less seasoned. It is one of the instinctive arms native to -the sex; and we have only to watch the introduction of two girls to -each other to see this, and to learn how even in youth is begun the -exercise which time and use raise to such deadly perfection. - -In the conversations of women with each other we again meet with -examples of their peculiar amenities to their own sex. They never -refrain from showing how much they are bored; they contradict -flatly, without the flimsiest veil of apology to hide their rudeness; -and they interrupt ruthlessly, whatever the subject in hand may be. -One lady was giving another a minute account of how the bride looked -yesterday when she was married to Mr. A., of somewhat formidable -boudoir repute, with whom her listener had had sundry tender passages -which made the mention of his marriage a notoriously sore subject. -'Ah! I see _you_ have taken that old silk which Madame Josephine -wanted to palm off on me last year,' said the tortured listener -brusquely breaking into the narrative without a lead of any kind. And -the speaker was silenced. In this case it was the interchange of -doubtful courtesies, wherein neither deserved pity; but to make a -disparaging remark about a gown, in revenge for turning the knife in a -wound, was a thoroughly feminine manner of retaliation, and one that -would not have touched a man. Such shafts fall blunted against the -rugged skin of the coarser creature; and the date or pattern of a bit -of cloth would not have told much against the loss of a lover. But as -most women passionately care for dress, their toilet is one of their -most vulnerable parts. Ashamed to be unfashionable, they tolerate -anything in each other rather than shabbiness or eccentricity, even -when picturesque; hence a sarcastic allusion to the age of a few yards -of silk as a set-off against a grossly cruel stab was a return wound -of considerable depth cleverly given. - -The introduction of the womankind belonging to a favourite male -acquaintance of somewhat lower social condition affords a splendid -opportunity for the display of feminine amenity. The presentation -cannot be refused, yet it is resented as an intrusion. 'Another -daughter, Mr. C.! You must have a dozen daughters surely,' a peeress -said disdainfully to a commoner whom personally she liked, but whose -family she did not want to know. The poor man had but two; and this -was the introduction of the second. - -Very painful to a high-spirited gentlewoman must be the way in which a -superior creature of this kind receives her, if not of the same set as -herself. The husband of the inferior creature may be adored, as men -are adored by fashionable women who love only themselves, and care -only for their own pleasures. Artist, man of letters, _beau sabreur_, -he is the passing idol, the temporary toy, of a certain circle; and -his wife has to be tolerated for his sake, and because she is a lady -and fit to be presented, though an outsider. So they patronize her -till the poor woman's blood is on fire; or they snub her till she has -no moral consistency left in her, and is reduced to a mere mass of -pulp. They keep her in another room while they talk to her husband -with their other intimates; or they admit her into their circle, where -she is made to feel like a Gentile among the faithful, for either they -leave her unnoticed altogether or else speak to her on subjects quite -apart from the general conversation, as if she were incapable of -understanding them on their own ground. They ask her to dinner without -her husband, and take care that there is no one to meet her whom she -would like to see; but they ask him when they are at their grandest, -and express their deep regret that his wife (uninvited) cannot -accompany him. They know every turn and twist that can humiliate her -if she has pretensions which they choose to demolish. They praise her -toilet for its good taste in simplicity, when she thinks she is one of -the finest on an occasion on which no one can be too fine. They tell -her that pattern of hers is perfect, and made just like the dear -duchess's famous dress last season, when she believes that she has -Madame Josephine's last, freshly imported from Paris. They celebrate -her dinner as the very perfection of a refined family dinner without -parade or cost, though it has all been had from the crack -confectioner's, and though the bill for the entertainment will cause -many a day of family pinching. These are the things which women say to -one another when they wish to pain and humiliate; things which pain -and humiliate some more than would a positive disgrace. For some women -are distressingly sensitive about these little matters. Their lives -are made up of trifles, and a failure in a trifle is a failure in -their object of life. - -Women can do each other no end of despite in a small way in society, -not to speak of mischief of a graver kind. A hostess who has a grudge -against one of her more famous lady-guests can always ensure her -a disappointing evening under cover of doing her supreme honour and -paying her extra attention. If she sees the enemy engaged in a -pleasant conversation with one of the male stars, down she swoops, and -in the sweetest manner possible carries her off to another part of the -room, to introduce her to some school-girl who can only say yes or no -in the wrong places--'who is dying for the honour of talking to you, -my dear;' or to some unfledged stripling who blushes and grows hot and -cannot stammer out two consecutive sentences, but who is presented as -a rising genius and to be treated with the consideration due to his -future. As her persecution is done under the guise of extra -friendliness, the poor victim cannot cry out, nor yet resist; but she -knows that whenever she goes to Mrs. So and So's she will be seated -next the stupidest man at table, and prevented from talking to any one -she likes in the evening; and that every visit to that lady is made in -some occult manner unpleasant to her. And yet what has she to complain -of? She cannot complain in that her hostess trusts to her for help in -the success of her entertainment, and moves her about the room as a -perambulating attraction which she has to dispense fairly among her -guests, lest some should be jealous of the others. She may know that -the meaning is to annoy; but who can act on meaning as against manner? -How crooked soever the first may be, if the last is straight the case -falls to the ground, and there is no room for remonstrance. - -Often women flirt as much to annoy other women as to attract men -or amuse themselves. If a wife has crossed swords with a friend, and -the husband is in any way endurable, let her look out for retaliation. -The woman she has offended will take her revenge by flirting more or -less openly with the husband, all the while loading the enemy with -flattery if she be afraid of her, or snubbing her without much -disguise if she feel herself the stronger. The wife cannot help -herself, unless things go too far for public patience. A jealous woman -without proof is the butt of her society, and brings the whole world -of women like a nest of wasps about her ears. If wise, she will ignore -what she cannot laugh at; if sensitive, she will fret; if vindictive, -she will repay. Nine times out of ten she does the last, and, may be, -with interest; and so goes on the duel, though all the time the -fighters appear to be intimate friends and on the best possible terms -together. - -But the range of these feminine amenities is not confined to women; it -includes men as well; and women continually take advantage of their -position to insult the stronger sex by saying to them things which can -be neither answered nor resented. A woman can with the quietest face -and the gentlest voice imaginable insinuate that you have just cheated -at cards; she can give you the lie direct as coolly as if she were -correcting a misprint; and you cannot defend yourself. To brawl with -her would be unpardonable; to contradict her is useless; and the sense -of society does not allow you to show her any active displeasure. -In this instance the weaker creature is the stronger, and the more -defenceless is the safer. You have only the rather questionable -consolation of knowing that you are not singular in your discomfiture, -and that when she has made an end of you she will probably have a turn -with your betters, and make them too, dance to her piping, whether -they like the tune or not. At all events, if she humiliates you she -humiliates her sisters still more; and with the knowledge that, hardly -handled as you have been, others are yet more severely dealt with, you -must learn to be content, and to practise as much of that grim kind of -patience, which suffers keenly and bears silently, as your nature will -permit. - - - - -_GRIM FEMALES._ - - -Almost all histories and mythologies embody the idea of a race of grim -females. Whether as fabulous and complex monsters, like the Sphinx and -the Harpies, or in the more human forms of the Fates and the Furies, -unsexed women have been universally recognized as forming part of the -system of nature and to be accepted among the stranger manifestations -of human life. Yet it is hard to understand why they should exist at -all. As moral 'sports,' they are so far interesting to the -psychologists; but, as women with definite duties and fixed functions, -nothing can be less admirable. They are even worse than effeminate -men--which is saying everything. - -The grim female must be carefully distinguished from the masculine -woman; for they are by no means essentially the same, though the types -may run into each other, and sometimes do. But the masculine woman, if -not grim but only Amazonian, has often much that is fine and beautiful -in her, as we see in her great prototype Pallas Athene; but the grim -female _pur sang_ is never noble, never beautiful; and the only -meaning of her existence--the only mission she seems sent into the -world to fulfil--is that of serving as a warning to the young what to -avoid. - -The grim female is not necessarily an old maid, as would appear likely -at first sight. We find her of all conditions indifferently--as maid, -wife, widow, as mother and childless alike--and we do not find that -her condition in any way affects her character. If born grim, she -remains grim to the end; and neither marriage nor motherhood modifies -her. The grim female of novelists is generally an old maid; but she is -a caricature, painted in the broadest lines and copied from the -outsides of things. She is emphatically an odd woman; odd in her -dress, her mode, her state. She wears a flapping cap, skimpy skirts -and rusty brown mittens on her bony hands. She has a passionate -aversion against men and matrimony; and she lives queerly behind a -barricaded house-door, with a small slavey, or an elderly female -afflicted with deafness, to do her work and bear the brunt of her -temper. But she is always odd, unmarried, unfashionable and unlike -everybody else, and could never be mistaken for an ordinary woman from -the first phrase which stamps her personality on the page to the last -paragraph of her fictitious existence. - -Now the grim female of real life may be one of the most conventional -of her sex, and in fact, she generally is one of the most conventional -of her sex. She is one who rules her household with a rod of iron -carefully wrought after the pattern of her neighbours' rods, and to -whom a dish set awry, or the second-best china instead of the best, -counts for as great a moral delinquency in her servants as a breach of -all the Ten Commandments together. She is a woman who regards being -out of the fashion, or being foremost in the fashion, as equally -reprehensible, and to whom dress is among the most important matters -of life. Wherefore she is notorious for a certain grim grandeur of -style, as one who respects herself by her clothes, and is known among -other women as possessing handsome lace and costly velvet in -profusion. Are not lace and velvet _de rigueur_ for women of -condition? and what is the grim female but the embodiment of the -'rigour of the game' in all matters? Therefore she clothes herself -sumptuously, without elegance or taste; and would as soon be seen -abroad in her dressing-gown and slippers as without her characteristic -heavy velvet or rustling silk. But the artist's little wife, in her -fresh muslin and nice admixture of colours, sails round her for grace -and beauty at about one-twentieth part of what the grim female's -stately ugliness has cost. - -One characteristic of the grim female is her want of womanly passion -for children. She may have so much maternal instinct, perverted, as to -be on friendly terms with a dog or two, a cat, or may be a cockatoo; -but she has no real affection for children, no comprehension of -child-nature, and the 'sublime nonsense' of the nursery is a thing -unknown to her from first to last. If she have children of her -own, she treats them in a hard wooden way that has nothing of the -ideal mother about it. She generally sees that they are properly cared -for, because she is a disciplinarian; but, though she is inexorable on -the score of cold baths and 'no trash,' she never condescends to the -weakness of love. If her little ones are sick, they are set aside and -dosed until they are well; if they are naughty, they are punished; but -they never know those moments of tender indulgence which help them -over a period of indisposition not severe enough for actual doctoring, -yet throwing them out of gear and inducing a spell of what ignorance -calls naughtiness. Rhadamanthus was a weakling compared to the grim -female in the nursery; and what she is in her nursery she continues to -be in the schoolroom, and the drawing-room to follow. Her children are -always causes of annoyance to the grim female, and the first stirrings -of individuality, the first half-unconscious trials of their young -strength, are offences she cannot away with. Children and inferiors -are they in her eyes, even when grown up and married; and she exacts -from them the humility and deference of their lower condition. Hence -she is one to whom the present generation is undeniably worse than the -past; one who groans over the follies and shortcomings of the times -and who thinks that good conduct died out with her own youth, and that -it is not likely, by the look of things, to be restored. In fact, -youth itself is the root and basis of offence; and if she coerces -children, she tyrannizes over girls and snubs young men, with -inexorable impartiality. - -The grim female is not necessarily a strong-minded woman, nor a -learned woman, like those who wear spectacles, go to scientific -meetings and are great in the classics and the 'ologies. She may be of -the emancipated class; it all depends on chance; and a grim female, -when of the emancipated, is a very formidable person indeed. But she -is not necessarily one of these. On the contrary, part of her very -grimness comes from her intense conservatism and uncompromising -conventionality. Nothing is so abhorrent to her as innovation or -novelty in any shape. She does not hold with any one out of the -narrowest groove of respectable belief, in what direction soever the -diverging line may go. A Romanist or a Baptist, a Jew or an infidel, -it is all one to her; each is equally dreadful to her, and each is -eternally foredoomed. She is of the orthodox Church without fal-lals; -as far removed from Ritualism as she is from ranting, and demanding -for herself that infallibity of judgment and absolute possession of -the truth which she denies to the Pope and all his Cardinals. Beware -how you broach new doctrines in her presence. She has been known -before now to abjure her nearest relations for no greater moral lapse -than a weak belief in globules; while, as for anything like graver -aberrations, say on the ape theory or on the plurality of races, on -development in religions or on a republican form of government, -she has no toleration whatever. If the Smithfield fires existed at the -present day, the grim female would be the first to light the faggots. -It is all the same if she belongs to any Dissenting persuasion; part -of her grimness coming from her intolerance, and her own beliefs being -simply the springboard on which she stands. - -Many causes produce the grim female. It may be that she is grim from -social pride as well as from natural hardness. If she has been used to -live with people whom, rightly or wrongly, she considers her -inferiors, she will probably queen it over them in a very -unmistakeable manner. The prelatic blood is renowned for this sort of -thing; and a bishop's daughter, or an archbishop's grand-daughter, or -Mrs. Proudie, prelatic by marriage only, if of the grim class, is one -of the grimmest of her class. The halo of sanctity round the mitre and -the crozier will be greater in her eyes than even the glitter of the -strawberry leaves; and she holds herself consecrated by her birth or -marriage to the understanding of every moral question, and specially -to the final settlement of every tough theological position. Or she -may be grim because of her isolation and meagre intercourse with the -world at large; such as she is found in the remoter districts. This -kind comes into the exceptional or novelist's class, and is often more -masculine than grim. These are the women who hunt and fish and shoot -like men, and who may be found in all weathers wandering alone -about the mountains in short petticoats and spatterdashes--women who -affect to be essentially mannish in person, habits and attire, and who -may be quite jolly easy-going fellows in their own way, or else grim -and trenchant, as nature or the fit takes them. This is a kind not at -all uncommon in country places among the higher class of resident -ladies--ladies who are so highly placed locally that they can afford -to disregard public opinion, and who are so independent by disposition -that they naturally go off to the manly side, and make themselves bad -imitations, as the best they can do. - -The grim female tries her strength with all newcomers. She is like one -of the giants or black knights of old romance, who lived in castles or -caves, whence they pounced on all passers-by, and either wrung their -necks if they conquered or retreated howling if discomfited. This is -what the grim female does in her degree. She dashes on all who are -presented to her, and has a passage of arms as the first act of the -new drama. If her opponents yield out of timidity or good-breeding, or -perhaps from not understanding the warlike nature of the encounter, -she puts her foot on them forthwith, and ignominiously crushes them; -if they defy her, and give her back blow for blow, ten to one she cuts -them and becomes their enemy for ever after. For she has not breadth -enough to be magnanimous, and the one thing she never forgives is -successful opposition. Very grim is she in the presence of human -weakness, moral and physical. Woe to that unhappy maid of hers -who has slipped on the narrow path of prudence! She will be turned out -to perish with no more compunction than if she were a black-beetle to -be swept out of the way. - -As a nurse the grim female is precise, punctual, obedient to orders, -but inexorable. She would give the patient a fit of nervous hysterics -which would throw him back for a week, rather than allow him five -minutes' grace in the matter of a painful operation or a nauseous -draught. Without variableness or weakness herself, she cannot endure -it in others, and whosoever comes under her hand must be content to -remain in shape, and to keep himself well braced up to the utmost -rigidity of duty. If she had to lose an arm or a leg, she would go to -her trouble like a Trojan; and why not others? She would merely -tighten her lips and hold her breath, and then would sit down to let -herself be hacked and mangled without a groan or a word. To judge by -the notice given of her in her sister's life, Emily Brontë was of the -grim class, and about the grimmest for her age and state that could -well be found. Had she lived, and lived unsoftened, she would have -been one unbroken mass of iron and granite, without a soft spot -anywhere. Her very love was fiercer than other women's hate; her -strength was more terrible than a man's anger; her passions were as -fiery as furnace flames. Of all the examples we could cite, she seems -about the fittest for our model. - -A grim female has no mercy. She may be just, but if so, it is in a -hard uncompromizing way that makes her justice worse than others' -partiality. For justice can be sympathetic, even if unwavering; and -the grim female is never sympathetic, how painful soever the work on -hand and the sentence to be executed. Neither is she gay; for she is -not plastic enough to be either one or the other. She is run into an -iron mould, where her nature is compressed as in a vice; and she -allows of no expansion, no lipping over, no bursting of bonds anyhow. - -What would become of us if all our women were like her? Without any of -the feminine little weaknesses at which we have our laugh yet which we -do not wholly dislike--without any of the pretty coaxing ways which we -know warp our better judgment and take us out of the strict course; -and yet how pleasant that warping process is!--without any even of the -transient petulances which give so much light and shade to a woman's -character, the grim female stands like an old-world Gorgon, turning -living flesh and blood to stone. When we look at her we are inclined -to forgive all the smallness and silliness which sometimes vex us in -the ordinary woman, and to think that there are worse things than the -love of dress for which we so often reproach our wives and daughters; -that flirting, which is reprehensible no doubt, might be exchanged for -something even more reprehensible; and that vanity, of the giggling, -coquettish kind, though to be steadily discouraged and sternly -reproved, is not quite the worst feminine thing after all. Surely not! -A grim female who cannot flirt nor giggle nor cry, nor yet kiss and -make up again when scolded, is far away a worse kind of thing than a -feather-headed little puss who is always doing wrong by reason of her -foolish brain, but who manages somehow to pull herself right because -of her loving heart. Weak women, vain women, affected women, and the -whole class of silly women, whatever the speciality of silliness -exhibited, are tiresome enough, heaven knows; but, unsatisfactory as -they are, they are better than the grim female--that woman of no sex, -born without softness or sympathy and living without pity and without -love. - - - - -_MATURE SIRENS._ - - -Nothing is more incomprehensible to girls than the love and admiration -sometimes given to middle-aged women. They cannot understand it; and -nothing but experience will ever make them understand it. In their -eyes, a woman is out of the pale of personal affection altogether when -she has once lost that shining gloss of youth, that exquisite -freshness of skin and suppleness of limb, which to them, in the -insolent plenitude of their unfaded beauty, constitute the chief -claims to admiration of the one sex from the other. And yet they -cannot conceal from themselves that the pretty maid of eighteen is -often deserted for the handsome woman of forty, and that the patent -witchery of their own youth and brilliant colouring goes for nothing -against the mysterious charms of a mature siren. What can they say to -such an anomaly? There is no good in going about the world -disdainfully wondering how on earth a man could ever have taken up -with such an antiquated creature!--suggestively asking their male -friends what could he see in a woman of her age, old enough to be his -mother? There the fact stands; and facts are stubborn things. The -eligible suitor who has been coveted by more than one golden-haired -girl has married a woman twenty years her senior, and the middle-aged -siren has quietly carried off the prize which nymphs in their teens -have frantically desired to win. What is the secret? How is it done? -The world, even of silly girls, has got past any belief in spells and -talismans, such as Charlemagne's mistress wore, and yet the man's -fascination seems to them quite as miraculous and almost as unholy as -if it had been brought about by the black art. But if they had any -analytical power they would understand the _diablerie_ of the mature -siren clearly enough; for it is not so difficult to understand when -one puts one's mind to it. - -In the first place, a woman of ripe age has a knowledge of the world, -and a certain suavity of manner and moral flexibility, wholly wanting -to the young. Young girls are for the most part all angles--harsh in -their judgments, stiff in their prejudices, narrow in their -sympathies. They are full of combativeness and self-assertion if they -belong to one type of young people, or they are stupid and shy if they -belong to another type. They are talkative with nothing to say, and -positive with nothing known; or they are monosyllabic dummies who -stammer out Yes or No at random, and whose brains become hopelessly -confused at the first sentence with which the stranger, to whom they -have just been introduced, attempts to open a conversation. They are -generally without pity; their want of experience making them hard -towards sorrows which they do not understand--let us charitably hope -also making them ignorant of the pain they inflict. That famous -article in the _Times_ on the cruelty of young girls, _àpropos_ of -Constance Kent's confession, though absurdly exaggerated, had in it -the core of truth which gives the sting to such papers, which makes -them stick, and which is the real cause of the outcry they create. - -Girls are cruel; there is no question about it. If passive rather than -active, they are simply indifferent to the sufferings of others; if of -a more active temperament, they find a positive pleasure in giving -pain. A girl will say horribly cruel things to her dearest friend, -then laugh at her because she cries. Even her own mother she will hurt -and humiliate if she can; while, as for any unfortunate aspirant not -approved of, were he as tough-skinned as a rhinoceros she would find -means to make him wince. But all this acerbity is toned down in the -mature woman. Experience has enlarged her sympathies, and knowledge of -suffering has softened her heart to the sufferings of others. Her -lessons of life too, have taught her tact; and tact is one of the most -valuable lessons that a man or woman can learn. She sees at a glance -the weak points and sore places in her companion, and she avoids them; -or if she passes over them, it is with a hand so soft and tender, a -touch so soothing, that she calms instead of irritating. A girl would -have come down on those weak places heavily, and would have torn -off the bandages from the sore ones, jesting at scars because she -herself had never felt a wound, and deriding the sybaritism of -diachylon because ignorant of the anguish it conceals. - -Furthermore, the mature siren is thoughtful for others. Girls are -self-asserting and aggressive. Life is so strong in them, and the -instinct which prompts them to try their strength with all comers and -to get the best of everything everywhere, is so irrepressible, that -they are often disagreeable because of that instinctive selfishness, -that craving, natural to the young, of taking all and giving back -nothing. But the mature siren knows better than this. She knows that -social success entirely depends on what each of us can throw into the -common fund of society; that the surest way to win consideration for -ourselves is to be considerate for others; that sympathy begets -liking, and self-suppression leads to exaltation; and that if we want -to gain love we must first show how well we can give it. Her tact -then, and her sympathy, her moral flexibility and quick comprehension -of character, her readiness to give herself to others, are some of the -reasons, among others, why the society of a cultivated agreeable woman -of a certain age is sought by those men to whom women are more than -mere mistresses or toys. Besides, she is a good conversationalist. She -has no pretensions to any special or deep learning--for, if pedantic, -she is spoilt as a siren at any age--but she knows a little about most -things; at all events, she knows enough to make her a pleasant -companion in a _tête-à-tête_ or at a dinner-table, and to enable her -to keep up the ball when thrown. And men like to talk to intelligent -women. They do not like to be taught nor corrected by them, but they -like that quick sympathetic intellect which follows them readily, and -that amount of knowledge which makes a comfortable cushion for their -own. And a mature siren who knows what she is about would never do -more than this, even if she could. - -Though the mature siren rests her claims to admiration on more than -mere personal charms, and appeals to something beyond the senses, yet -she is personable and well preserved, and, in a favourable light, -looks nearly as young as ever. So the men say who knew her when she -was twenty; who loved her then, and have gone on loving her, with a -difference, despite the twenty years which lie between this and then. -Girls, indeed, despise her charms because she is no longer young; and -yet she may be even more beautiful than youth. She knows all the -little niceties of dress, and, without going into the vulgar trickery -of paint and dyes--which would make her hideous--is up to the best -arts of the toilet by which every point is made to tell and every -minor beauty is given its fullest value. For part of the art and -mystery of sirenhood is an accurate perception of times and -conditions, and a careful avoidance of that suicidal mistake of which -_la femme passée_ is so often guilty--namely, setting herself in -confessed rivalry with the young by trying to look like them, and -so losing the good of what she has retained, and betraying the ravages -of time by the contrast. - -The mature siren is wiser than this. She knows exactly what she has -and what she can do; and before all things avoids whatever seems too -youthful for her years; and this is one reason why she is always -beautiful, because always in harmony. Besides, she has very many good -points, many positive charms still left. Her figure is still good--not -slim and slender certainly, but round and soft, and with that slower, -riper, lazier grace which, quite different from the antelope-like -elasticity of youth, is in its own way as lovely. If her hair has lost -its maiden luxuriance she makes up with crafty arrangements of lace, -which are more picturesque than the fashionable wisp of hay-like ends -tumbling half-way to the waist. She has still her white and shapely -hands with their pink filbert-like nails; still her pleasant smile and -square small teeth--those one or two new, matching so perfectly with -the old as to be undiscoverable! Her eyes are bright yet, and if the -upper muscles are a little shrunk, the consequent apparent enlargement -of the orbit only makes them more expressive; her lips are not yet -withered; her skin is not wrinkled. Undeniably, when well-dressed and -in a favourable light, the mature siren is as beautiful in her own way -as the girlish belle; and the world knows it and acknowledges it. - -That mature sirens can be passionately loved, even when very -mature, history gives us more than one example; and the first name -that naturally occurs to one's mind is that of the too famous Ninon de -l'Enclos. And Ninon, if a trifle mythical, was yet a fact and an -example. But not going quite to Ninon's age, we often see women of -forty and upwards who are personally charming, and whom men love with -as much warmth and tenderness as if they were in the heyday of -life--women who count their admirers by dozens, and who end by making -a superb marriage, and having quite an Indian summer of romance and -happiness. The young laugh at this idea of the Indian summer for a -bride of forty-five; but it is true; for neither romance nor -happiness, neither love nor mental youth, is a matter of years; and -after all we are only as old as we feel, and certainly no older than -we look. - -All women do not harden by time, nor wither, nor yet corrupt. Some -merely ripen and mellow and get enriched by the passage of the years, -retaining the most delicate womanliness--we had almost said -girlishness into quite old age, blushing as swiftly under their grey -hairs, while shrinking from anything coarse or vulgar or impure as -sensitively, as when they were girls. _La femme à quarante ans_ is the -French term for the opening of the great gulf beyond which love cannot -pass; but human history disproves this date, and shows that the heart -can remain fresh and the person lovely long after the age fixed for -the final adieu to admiration--that the mature siren can be adored -by her own contemporaries when the rising generation regard her -as nothing better than a chimney-corner fixture. Mr. Trollope -recognized the claims of the mature siren in his _Orley Farm_ and -_Miss Mackenzie_; and no one can deny the intense naturalness of the -characters and the interest of the stories. - -Another point which tells with the mature woman is, that she is not -jealous nor exacting. She knows the world, and takes what comes with -that philosophy which springs from knowledge. If she be of an enjoying -nature--and she cannot be a siren else--she accepts such good as -floats to the top, neither looking too deep into the cup nor -speculating on the time when she shall have drained it to the dregs. -Men feel safe with her. If they have entered on a tender friendship -with her, they know that there will be no scene, no tears, no -upbraidings, when an inexorable fate comes in to end their pleasant -little drama, with the inevitable wife as the scene-shifter. The -mature siren knows so well that fate and the wife must break in -between her and her friend, that she is resigned from the first to -what is foredoomed, and thus accepts her bitter portion, when it -comes, with dignity and in silence. Where younger women would fall -into hysterics and make a scene, perhaps go about the world taking -their revenge in slander, the middle-aged woman holds out a friendly -hand and takes the back seat gallantly, never showing by word nor look -that she has felt her deposition. She becomes the best friend of the -new household; and if any one is jealous, ten to one it is the -husband who is jealous of her love for his wife. Of course it may be -the wife herself, who cannot see what her husband can find to admire -so much in Mrs. A., and who pouts at his extraordinary predilection for -her, though of course she would scorn to be jealous--as, indeed, she -has no cause. For even a mature siren, however delightful she may be, -is not likely to come before a young wife in the heart of a young -husband. Though the French paint the love of a woman of forty as -pathetic, because slightly ridiculous and certainly hopeless, yet they -arrange their theory of social life so that a youth is generally -supposed to make his first love of a married woman many years his -elder, while a mature siren finds her last love in a youth. - -We have not come to this yet in England, either in theory or practice; -and it is to be hoped that we never shall come to it. Mature sirens -are all very well for men of their own age, and it is pleasant to see -them still loved and admired, and to recognize in them the claims of -women to something higher than mere personal passion; but the case -would be very different if they became ghoulish seducers of the young, -and kept up the habit of love by entangling boyish hearts and -blighting youthful lives. As they are now, they form a charming -element in society, and are of infinite use to the world. They are the -ripe fruit in the garden where else everything would be green and -immature--the last days of the golden summer set against the -disappointing backwardness of spring and before the chills of -autumn have come. They contain in themselves the advantages of two -distinct epochs, and while possessing as much personal charm as youth, -possess also the gains which come by experience and maturity. They -keep things together as the young could not do; and no gathering of -friends is perfect which has not one or two mature sirens to give the -tone, and prevent excesses. They soften the asperities of high-handed -boys and girls, which else would be too biting; and they set people at -ease, and make them in good humour with themselves, by the courtesy -with which they listen to them and the patience with which they bear -with them. Even the very girls who hate them fiercely as rivals love -them passing well as half maternal, half sisterly, companions; and the -first person to whom they would carry their sorrows would be a mature -siren, quite capable for her own part of having caused them. - -It would be hard indeed if the loss of youth did not bring with it -some compensations; but the mature siren suffers less from that loss -than any other kind of woman. Indeed, she seems to have a private -elixir of her own which is not quite drained dry when she dies, -beloved and regretted, at threescore years and ten; leaving behind her -one or two old friends who were once her ardent lovers, and who still -cherish her memory as that of the finest and most fascinating woman -they ever knew--something which the present generation is utterly -incapable of repeating. - - - - -_PUMPKINS._ - - -Pumpkins are among the most imposing of all groundling growths. They -have fine showy flowers, handsome leaves, roving stems, and they bear -solid-looking fruit of a goodly size and gorgeous colour. To see them -spreading over their domain with such rapid luxuriance, one would -imagine them among the best things growing; but a critical examination -proves their flesh to be about three parts water, while as for their -stalks, they are of so pithless a nature that they can only creep -along the earth, unable to stand upright without support;--which tells -something against the pumpkin's claim for extra consideration. Still, -their showy largeness attracts the eye, and not a few of us believe in -pumpkins, and admire both their mode of growth and the fruit -resulting. In like manner the human pumpkins--those beings of imposing -presence and loud self-assertion--get themselves believed in by the -simple; and, as occasions by which their watery and fibreless nature -is revealed do not arise every day, they are for the most part -accepted for the substantialities they assume to be, and the world is -deceived by appearances as it ever has been. - -These human pumpkins abound everywhere. In all states and professions, -and in both sexes, we find them flourishing magnificently on the face -of the earth, taking the lead in their society and setting themselves -out as the finest fellows to be found in their respective gardens. -Among them are the men of the Bombastes type, so dear to the older -playwrights; braggadocios of the kill 'em and eat 'em school, who were -such terrible fellows to look at and listen to, though only pumpkins -of a singularly innocuous nature when stoutly squeezed and analyzed; -fire-eaters of the juggling kind, with special care taken that the -fire shall be harmless and that the danger shall lie only in the fear -of the spectators. Now that duelling has gone out of fashion, and -discharged captains who have signalized themselves in war are rare, -our old swashbuckler type of pumpkins has gone out both in fact and -fiction, on the stage and off it. To be sure we have a few travellers -of slightly apocryphal courage, and more than doubtful accuracy, whose -books of perilous adventure and breathless dangers are to us what -Bombastes and Bobadil were to our fathers; and we have Major -Wellington de Boots with his military swagger and his hare's heart. -But he is a very weak imitation of the old fire-eater; and, on the -whole, this special family of the pumpkins has dwindled into -insignificance, and their place knows them no more. - -Then there is the pumpkin after the cut of the Prince Regent--the man -of deportment, big, handsome, showy, and specially noticeable for -a loud voice, a broad chest, and an indescribable air of superiority -and command; the man who has studied bowing as one of the fine arts, -who walks with a swagger, and even now tips his curly-brimmed hat -slightly to the side. This is the kind of man who influences women. -Bombastes frightens the nervous and inexperienced of his own sex, but -the man of deportment partly fascinates and partly overawes the other. -They take him at his own valuation, and have not skill enough to find -out the flaw in the summing up until perhaps it is too late, when they -have come so near to him that they are able to appraise him for -themselves, and have learnt by bitter experience of what unsound -materials he is made. And then let him look out. There is nothing -women resent so much as pumpkin manhood--nothing which humiliates them -more in their own esteem than to discover that they have been taken in -by appearances, and that what they had believed in as solid wood turns -out to be only squash. - -Women like to rely on men, and dread nothing so much as weakness and -vacillation in their male protectors; save indeed those grim and bulky -females in whom Hood so much delighted, who take small men _vi et -armis_, and subjugate them body and soul, like two-legged poodles -trained to fetch and carry at the word of command. But these are -exceptions; the average woman prizing strength rather than poodle-like -docility. The pumpkin of the Prince Regent cut is generally -notorious for laying down the law on all points. His voice is so loud -and his manner of speech so dictatorial, that no one dreams of -doubting still less of contradicting him, but everybody takes him as -he represents himself to be--a man of prompt decision, of boundless -resources, a granitic tower of strength to be leant against in all -emergencies without the slightest fear of failure; a man who is not -only sufficient for himself but strong enough to bear the weaknesses -of others. He is famous for giving advice--advice of a vague, rapid, -sprawling kind, never quite exact to the circumstances, never quite -practical nor to the point--large advice, general in scope but -wonderfully positive in tone, and, until you analyze, grandly imposing -in effect. Nail him to the point; ask his advice seriously on any -question where the responsibility of counsel will rest with him; place -yourself in his hands where the consequences of failure will touch him -as well as you; and then see to what meagre dimensions your goodly -gourd will shrink. The confident assertion drops into a weak -hesitation; the arrogant dictum melts into a timid refusal to take -such a serious responsibility on himself; you have pricked your -windbag, bisected your pumpkin, and henceforth you know the precise -weight of substance remaining. Yet mankind sees him exactly where he -was before, and he will go about the world in his large, loud way, -saying to every one that if you had followed his advice you would have -succeeded--supposing you have failed; or, if you have succeeded, -he will take all the credit to himself, and say it was he who guided -you and showed you how to go in and win. For himself, and his own -affairs, he has no more moral stamina than he had leadership for you -and yours. The least reverse knocks him over. Care or sorrow, when it -touches him, shrivels him up as completely as frost shrivels up the -pumpkin. In every circumstance requiring promptitude, coolness, keen -perception, just decision, our swaggering man of froth fails -ignominiously; and one hour of real pressure proves incontestably that -he was only a pumpkin of imposing presence, good neither as meat nor -staff when the time of trial came. - -Very often the pumpkin has a wife whose fibre is as close as his is -loose, and whose nature is as tough as his is soft; a hard-eyed, -thin-lipped, tenacious woman, who speaks little and boasts not at all, -but who does all she wishes to do, and whose iron will pins her -pumpkin to the wall as the spear of the Bushman pins the elephant or -the rhinoceros. It is very curious to see how a blatant blustering man -who is so loud and confident abroad, knocks under at home; and how the -high-crested deportment which carries things with such a lofty bearing -out of doors droops into the meek submission of the henpecked husband -so soon as the house-door closes on him, and he is subjected to the -pitiless analysis of home. There is no question of flourish then; and -if by chance the ambitious crest should make an effort to display -itself, the wife knows how to lower it by a few decisive words of a -keen-edged kind, and her pumpkin is made to feel sharply enough the -difference existing between fibre and pulp. It is almost melancholy to -see one of these fine flourishing fellows so subdued. Pumpkin as he -may be, it is not pleasant to see him so cut down in his pride; and -involuntarily one's sympathies go with him rather than with that -tenacious, hard-mouthed wife of his, who would be none the worse -perhaps for a little of her husband's essential softness and with less -than her own hardness. - -How often too, these big fellows have no physical stamina as well as -but very shaky moral fibre! A small, wiry light-weight will do twice -as much as they; not, of course, where muscle only is wanted, but -where the question is of endurance. Large heavy men knock up far -sooner than the light-weights; and though size and weight count for -something at certain times and on occasions, fibre and tenacity go for -more in the long run. In the Crimea, the men who first dropped off -from exposure and privation were the magnificently-built -Guardsmen--men apparently bred and fed to the highest point of -physical perfection; while the undersized little liners, who had -nothing to be admired in them, stood the strain gamely, and were brisk -and serviceable when the others were either dead or in hospital. So -far as we have gone yet, we have not solved the problem of how to -combine toughness and bigness, solidity and size, but for the -most part fail in the one in proportion as we succeed in the other. - -Many of the dark-skinned races are what we may call emotional -pumpkins. Their flashing black eyes and swarthy skins seem to be -instinct with passion; they look like living furnaces filled with -flames and molten metal, terrible fellows, dangerous to meddle with -and almost impossible to subdue. But nine times out of ten we find -them to be marvellously meek persons, timid, amenable to law, unable -to give offence and incapable of taking it--lambs masquerading in -tiger-skins. A fair-faced Anglo-Saxon, with his sensitive blush, -good-humoured smile and light blue eyes, has more pluck and pith in -him than a whole brigade of certain of these dark-skinned men. He has -less ferocity perhaps than they when they are thoroughly roused, -though our good-humoured Anglo-Saxon is by no means destitute of -ferocity on occasions when his blood is up; but his is ferocity of the -quarter-staff and bludgeon stand-up fight kind--the ferocity of -strength fairly put out against an adversary, not the tigerish cruelty -which is almost always found when moral weakness and physical -submission have a momentary triumph and reaction. Cowardly men are -like women in their revenge when once they get the upper hand; and -their revenge is more cruel than that of the habitually brave man who, -after a fair fight, overthrows his opponent. Some of the dark-skinned -races look the very ideal of the melodramatic ruffian--operatic -brigands painted with broad black lines, and up to any amount of -deeds of daring and of crime; but they are only pumpkins at the core. -We need not go so far as Calcutta to find them; we get examples nearer -home, both in Houndsditch and in Rome; for both Jews and Italians are -soft-cored men in spite of their passionate outsides, and both would -be better for an extra twist and toughness in their fibres. - -Intellectual pumpkins are as common as those of the more specially -physical kind. You meet with philosophers and 'thinkers'--perhaps they -are poets, perhaps politicians--who flourish out a vague big -declamation which, when you reduce it to its essence, you find to be a -platitude worth nothing; whipped cream, without any foundation of -solid pudding. If they are of the philosophic sort, they quote you -Fichte and Hegel, to the bewilderment of your brains unless you have -gone into the metaphysical maze on your own account; but they might -have put all they have said into half a dozen words of three letters, -like a child's first reading lesson. The flourish imposes, and people -who cannot analyze take the whipped cream for solid pudding, and think -that platitudes dressed in the garb of Fichte and Hegel are utterances -worthy of deep respect and admiring wonder. - -All the professions which talk, either by word of mouth or in print, -are specially given to this manifestation of pumpkinhood. Preachers -and authors sprawl and flourish over their small inheritance with a -tremendous assumption of vital force and vigorous growth; and -weak hands, with weaker heads, find support and shelter in their -foliage. Poets too, with a knack for turning out large moulds in which -they have run very small ideas, are pumpkins dear to the feminine -mind. Have we not our Tupper? had we not our 'Satan' Montgomery? and a -few others whom we might catalogue if we cared for the task, each with -his multifarious female following and his spiritual harem of ardent -admirers? All artists--that is, the men who create, or rather who -assume to create--are liable to be proved pumpkins when called on to -show themselves solid wood. They talk grandly enough, but when they -have to translate their words into deeds, too often the noble aims and -immortal efforts they have been advocating tail off into pulp and -water, and we have botches and pot-boilers instead of masterpieces and -high art. Perhaps we may take it as a rule that all doers who talk -much and boast grandly are of the pumpkin order, and that art, like -nature, elaborates best in silence. - -Strong-visaged women are often pure pumpkins with a very rough and -corrugated outside. It is astonishing how soon they break down, and -for all their stern and powerful looks sink under burdens under which -a frail little creature, as light as thistledown, will glide along -quite easily. Women with black brows and harsh voices--brigandesses by -appearance, or like the typical Herodias of unimaginative artists--are -often the gentlest and most pithless of their sex, and may be seen -acting quite compassionately towards their infants, or vindicating -their womanhood by meekly sewing on their husbands' buttons and -weeping at their rebukes; while a fair, silver-tongued, languid lady, -as soft as if she were made of nothing harder than the traditional -cream and rose-leaves, will give up her babies as a prey to unfeeling -nurses and let her husband go buttonless and in rags, while she -lounges before the fire indifferent to his wrath and callous to his -wrongs. There is many a house mistress who looks as if she could use -her fists when annoyed, who is absolutely afraid of her servants; and -the maid is always the mistress when the one is fibre and the other -pulp. - -Heaven be praised that the strong-visaged women are not 'clear grit' -all through. If they were as hard as they look, the world would go but -queerly, and society would have to make new laws for the protection of -its weaker male members. But nature is merciful as well as sportive, -and while she amuses herself by creating pumpkins of formidable -aspect, takes care that the core shall not always correspond to the -rind. Like the Athenian images of the satyr which enclosed a god, the -black-browed brigandesses and the men of magnificent deportment are -sometimes impostors of a quite amiable kind; and when you have once -learnt by heart the false analogies of form, you will cease to fear -your typical Herodias, to be impressed by your copy of the Prince -Regent, or to be influenced by your wordy Hegelian talking platitudes -in the philosophic dialect. - - - - -_WIDOWS._ - - -There are widows and widows; there are those who are bereaved and -those who are released; those who lose their support and those whose -chains are broken; those who are sunk in desolation and those who wake -up into freedom. Of the first we will not speak. Theirs is a sorrow -too sacred to be publicly handled even with sympathy; but the second -demand no such respectful reticence. The widow who is no sooner -released from one husband than she plots for another, and the widow -who leaps into liberty over the grave of a gaoler, not a lover, are -fair game enough. They have always been favourite subjects whereon -authors may exercise their wits; and while men are what they -are--laughing animals apt to see the humour lying in incongruity, and -with a spice of the devil to sharpen that same laughter into -satire--they will remain favourite subjects, tragic as the state is -when widowhood is deeper than mere outward condition. - -There are many varieties of the widow and all are not beautiful. For -one, there is the widow who is bent on re-marrying whether men like it -or not; that thing of prey who goes about the world seeking whom -she may devour; that awful creature who bears down on her victims with -a vigour in her assaults which puts to flight the popular fancy about -the weaker sex and the natural distribution of power. No hawk poised -over a brood of hedge birds, no shark cruising steadily towards a -shoal of small fry, no piratical craft sailing under a free flag and -accountable to no law save success, was ever more formidable to the -weaker things pursued than is the hawk widow to men when she is bent -on re-marrying. She knows so much!--there is not a manoeuvre by which -a victory can be stolen that she has not mastered and she is not -afraid of even the most desperate measures. When she has once struck, -he would be a clever man and a strong one who should escape her. -Generally left but meagrely provided for in worldly goods--else her -game would not be difficult--she makes up for her financial poverty by -her wealth of bold resources, and by the courage with which she takes -her own fortunes in hand and, with her own, those of her more eligible -masculine associates. She is a woman of purpose and lives for an end; -and that end is remarriage, with the most favourable settlement that -can be obtained by her lawyer from his. If fate has dealt hardly by -her--though, may be, compassionately by her successive spouses--and -has landed her in the widowed state twice or thrice, she is in nowise -daunted and as little abashed. She merely refits after a certain time -of anchorage, and goes out into the open again for a repetition -of her chance. She has no notion of a perpetuity of weeds, and, though -she may have cleared her half century with a margin besides, thinks -the suggestive orange-blossoms of the bride infinitely more desirable -than the fruitless heliotrope of the widow. If one husband is taken, -she remembers the old proverb, and reflects on the many, quite as -good, who are left potentially subject to her choice. And somehow she -manages. It has been said that any woman can marry any man if she -determines to do so, and follows on the line of her determination with -tenacity and common-sense. - -The hawk widow exemplifies the truth of this saying. She determines -upon marriage; and she usually succeeds; the question being one of -victim only, not of sacrifice. One has to fall to her share; there is -no help for it; and the whole contest is, which shall it be? which is -strongest to break her bonds? which craftiest to slip out of them? -which most resolute not to bear them from the beginning? This the -straggling covey must settle among themselves the best way they can. -When the hawk pounces down upon its quarry, it is _sauve qui peut_! -But all cannot be saved. One has to be caught; and the choice is -determined partly by chance and partly by relative strength. When the -widow of experience and resolve bears down on _her_ prey, the result -is equally certain. Floundering avails nothing; struggling and -splashing are just as futile; one among the crowd has to come to the -slaughter, like Mrs. Bond's ducks, and to assist at his own -immolation. The best thing he can do is to make a handsome surrender, -and to let the world of men and brothers believe he rather likes his -position than not. - -But there are pleasanter types of the re-marrying widow than this. -There is the widow of the Wadman kind, who has outlived her grief and -is not disinclined to a repetition of the matrimonial experiment, if -asked humbly by an experimenter after her own heart. But she must be -asked humbly that she may grant in a pretty, tender, womanly way--if -not quite so timidly as a girl, yet as becomingly in her degree, and -with that peculiar fascination which nothing but the combination of -experience and modesty can give. The widow of the Wadman kind is no -creature of prey, neither shark nor hawk; at the worst she is but a -cooing dove, making just the sweetest little noise in the world, the -tenderest little call to indicate her whereabouts, and to show that -she is lonely and feels a-cold. She sits close, waiting to be found, -and does not ramp and dash about like the hawk sisterhood; neither -does she pretend that she is unwilling to be found, still less deny -that a soft warm nest, well lined and snugly sheltered, is better than -a lonely branch stretching out comfortless and bare into the bleak -wide world. She, too, is almost sure to get what she wants, with the -advantage of being voluntarily chosen and not unwillingly submitted -to. - -This is the kind of woman who is always mildly but thoroughly -happy in her married life; unless indeed her husband should be a -brute, which heaven forefend. She lives in peace and bland contentment -while the fates permit, and when he dies she buries him decently and -laments him decorously; but she thinks it folly to spend her life in -weeping by the side of his cold grave, when her tears can do no good -to either of them. Rather she thinks it a proof of her love for him, -and the evidence of how true was her happiness, that she should elect -to give him a successor. Her blessed experience in the past has made -her trustful of the future; and because she has found one man faithful -she thinks that all are Abdiels. As a rule, this type of woman does -find men pleasant; and by her own nature she ensures domestic -happiness. She is always tenderly, and never passionately, in love, -even with the husband she has loved the best. She gives in to no -excesses to the right nor to the left. Her temperament is of that -serene moonlight kind which does not fatigue others nor wear out its -possessor. Without ambition or the power to fling herself into any -absorbing occupation, she lives only to please and be pleased at home; -and if she be not a wife, wearing her light fetters lovingly and proud -that she is fettered, she is nothing. As some women are born mothers -and others are born nuns, so is the Wadman woman a born wife, and -shines in no other character nor capacity. But in this she excels; and -knowing this, she sticks to her _rôle_, how frequently so ever -the protagonist may be changed. - -There are widows, however, who have no thought nor desire for -remaining anything but widows--who have gained the worth of the world -in their condition, 'Jeune, riche, et veuve--quel bonheur!' says the -French wife, eyeing 'mon mari' askance. Can the most exacting woman -ask for more? And truly such a one is in the most enviable position -possible to a woman, supposing always that she has not lost in her -husband the man she loved. If she has lost only the man who sat by -right at the same hearth with herself--perhaps the man who quarrelled -with her across the ashes--she has lost her burden and gained her -release. - -The cross of matrimony lies heavy on many a woman who never takes the -world into her confidence, and who bears in absolute silence what she -has not the power to cast from her. Perhaps her husband has been a man -of note, a man of learning, of elevated station, a political or a -philanthropic power. She alone knew the fretfulness, the petty -tyranny, the miserable smallness at home of the man of large repute -whom his generation conspired to honour, and whose public life was a -mark for the future to date by. When he died the press wrote his -eulogy and his elegy; but his widow, when she put on her weeds, sang -softly in her own heart a pæan to the great King of Freedom, and -whispered to herself Laudamus with a sigh of unutterable relief. -To such a woman widowhood has no sentimental regrets. She has come -into possession of the goods for which perhaps she sold herself; she -is young enough to enjoy the present and to project a future; she has -the free choice of a maid and the free action of a matron, as no other -woman has. She may be courted and she need not be chaperoned, nor yet -forced to accept. Experience has mellowed and enriched her; for though -the asperities of her former condition were sharp while they lasted, -they have not permanently roughened nor embittered her. Then the sense -of relief gladdens, while the sense of propriety subdues, her; and the -delicate mixture of outside melancholy, tempered with internal warmth, -is wonderfully enticing. Few men know how to resist that gentle -sadness which does not preclude the sweetest sympathy with pleasures -in which she may not join--with happiness which is, alas! denied her. -It gives an air of such profound unselfishness; it asks so mutely, so -bewitchingly, for consolation! - -Even a hard man is moved at the sight of a pretty young widow in the -funereal black of her first grief, sitting apart with a patient smile -and eyes cast meekly down, as one not of the world though in it. Her -loss is too recent to admit of any thought of reparation; and yet what -man does not think of that time of reparation? and if she be more than -usually charming in person and well dowered in purse, what man does -not think of himself as the best repairer she could take? Then, as -time goes on and she glides gracefully into the era of mitigated -grief, how beautiful is her whole manner, how tasteful her attire! The -most exquisite colours of the prismatic scale look garish beside her -dainty tints, and the untempered mirth of happy girls is coarse beside -her subdued admission of moral sunshine. Greys as tender as a dove's -breast; regal purples which have a glow behind their gloom; stately -silks of sombre black softly veiled by clouds of gauzy white or -brightened with the 'dark light' of sparkling jet--all speak of -passing time and the gradual blooming of the spring after the sadness -of the winter; all symbolize the flowers which are growing on the sod -that covers the dear departed; all hint at a melting of the funereal -gloom into the starlight of a possible bridal. She begins too to take -pleasure in the old familiar things of life. She steals into a quiet -back seat at the Opera; she just walks through a quadrille; she sees -no harm in a fête or flower-show, if properly companioned. Winter does -not last for ever; and a life-long mourning is a wearisome prospect. -So she goes through her degrees in accurate order, and comes out at -the end radiant. - -For when the faint shadows cast by the era of mitigated grief fade -away, she is the widow _par excellence_--the blooming widow, young, -rich, gay, free; with the world on her side, her fortune in her hand, -the ball at her foot. She is the freest woman alive; freer even than -any old maid to be found. Freedom, indeed, comes to the old maid -when too late to enjoy it; at least in certain directions; for while -she is young she is necessarily in bondage, and when parents and -guardians leave her at liberty, the world and Mrs. Grundy take up the -reins and hold them pretty tight. But the widow is as thoroughly -emancipated from the conventional bonds which confine the free action -of a maid as she is from those which fetter the wife; and only she -herself knows what she has lost and gained. She bore her yoke well -while it pressed on her. It galled her but she did not wince; only -when it was removed, did she become fully conscious of how great had -been the burden, from her sense of infinite relief through her -freedom. The world never knew that she had passed under the harrow; -probably therefore it wonders at her cheerfulness, with the dear -departed scarce two years dead; and some say how sweetly resigned she -is, and others how unfeeling. She is neither. She is simply free after -having lived in bondage; and she is glad in consequence. But she is -dangerous. In fact, she is the most dangerous of all women to men's -peace of mind. She does not want to marry again--does not mean to -marry again for many years to come, if ever; granted; but this does -not say that she is indifferent to admiration or careless of men's -society. And being without serious intentions herself, she does not -reflect that she may possibly mislead and deceive others who have no -such cause as she has to beware of the pleasant folly of love and its -results. - -In the exercise of her prerogative as a free woman, able to cultivate -the dearest friendships with men and fearlessly using her power, she -entangles many a poor fellow's heart which she never wished to engage -more than platonically, and crushes hopes which she had not the -slightest intention to raise. Why cannot men be her friends? she asks, -with a pretty, pleading look--a tender kind of despair at the -wrong-headedness of the stronger sex. But, tender as she is, she does -not easily yield even when she loves. The freedom she has gone through -so much to gain she does not rashly throw away; and if ever the day -comes when she gives it up into the keeping of another--and for all -her protestations it comes sometimes--the man to whom she succumbs may -congratulate himself on a victory more flattering to his vanity, and -more complete in its surrender of advantages, than he could have -gained over any other woman. Belle or heiress, of higher rank or of -greater fame than himself, no unmarried woman could have made such a -sacrifice in her marriage as did this widow of means and good looks, -when she laid her freedom, her joyous present and potential future, in -his hand. He will be lucky if he manages so well that he is never -reproached for that sacrifice--if his wife never looks back -regretfully to the time when she was a widow--if there are no longing -glances forward to possibilities ahead, mingled with sighs at the -difficulty of retracing a step when made. On the whole, if a woman can -live without love, or with nothing stronger than a tender -sentimental friendship, widowhood is the most blissful state she can -attain. But if she be of a loving nature and fond of home, finding her -own happiness in the happiness of others and indifferent to -freedom--thinking, indeed, that feminine freedom is only another word -for desolation--she will be miserable until she has doubled her -experience and carried on the old into the new. - - - - -_DOLLS._ - - -The love of dolls is instinctive with girl children; and a nursery -without some of these silent simulacra for the amusement of the little -maids is a very lifeless affair. But outside the nursery door dolls -are stupid things enough; and, whether improvised of wisped-up bundles -of rags or made of the costliest kind of composition, they are at the -best mere pretences for the pastime of babies, not living creatures to -be loved nor artistic creations to be admired. Certainly they are -pretty in their own way, and some are made to simulate human actions -quite cleverly; and one of their charms with children is that they can -be treated like sentient beings without a chance of retaliation. They -can be scolded for being naughty; put to bed in broad daylight for a -punishment; seated in the corner with their impassive faces turned to -the wall, just as the little ones themselves are dealt with; the doll -all the time smiling exactly as it smiled before, its round blue beads -staring just as they stared before; neither scolding nor cornering -making more impression on its sawdust soul than do little missy's sobs -and tears when nurse is cross and dolly is her only friend. But -the child has had its hour of play and make-believe sentiment of -companionship and authority; and so, if the doll can do no good of -itself, it can at least be the occasion of pleasantness to others. - -Now there are women who are dolls in all but the mere accident of -material. The doll proper is a simple structure of wax or wood, 'its -knees and elbows glued together;' and the human doll is a complex -machine of flesh and blood. But, saving such structural differences, -these women are as essentially dolls as those in the bazaar which open -and shut their eyes at the word of command enforced by a wire, and -squeak when you pinch them in the middle. There are women who seem -born into the world only as the playthings and make-believes of human -life. As impassive as the waxen creatures in the nursery, no -remonstrance touches them and no experience teaches them. Their final -cause seems to be to look pretty, to be always in perfect drawing-room -order, and to be the occasions by which their friends and companions -are taught patience and self-denial. And they perfectly fulfil their -destiny; which may be so much carried to their credit. A doll woman is -hopelessly useless and can do nothing with her brains or her hands. In -distress or sickness she can only sit by you and look as sorrowful as -her round smooth face will permit; but she has not a helping -suggestion to make, not a fraction of practical power to put forth. - -When a man has married a doll wife he has assigned himself to absolute -loneliness or a double burden. He cannot live with his pretty toy in -any more reality of sympathy than does a child with her puppet. He can -tell her nothing of his affairs, nothing of his troubles nor of his -thoughts, because she can impart no new idea, even from the woman's -point of view, not from want of heart but from want of brains to -understand another's life. Is she not a doll? and does not the very -essence of her dollhood lie in this want of perceptive faculty both -for things and feelings? What are the hot flushes of passion, the -bitter tears of grief, the frenzy of despair, to her? She sees them; -and she wonders that people can be so silly as to make themselves and -her so uncomfortable; but of the depth of the anguish they express she -knows no more than does her waxen prototype when little missy sobs -over it in her arms and confides her sorrows to its deaf ears. -Whatever anxieties oppress her husband, he must keep them to himself, -he cannot share them with her; and the last shred of his credit, like -the last effort of his strength, must be employed in maintaining his -toy wife in the fool's paradise where alone she can make her -habitation. Many a man's back has broken under the strain of such a -burden; and many a ruined fortune might have been held together and -repaired when damaged, had it not been for the exigencies and -necessities of the living doll, who had to be spared all want or -inconvenience at the cost of everything else. How many men are -groaning in spirit at this moment over the infatuation that made them -sacrifice the whole worth of life for the sake of a pretty face and a -plastic manner! - -The doll woman is as helpless practically as she is useless morally. -If she is in personal danger, she either faints or becomes dazed, -according to her physiological conditions. Sometimes she is hysterical -and frantic, and then she is actively troublesome. In general, -however, she is just so much dead weight on hand, to be thought for as -well as protected; a living corpse to be carried on the shoulders of -those who are struggling for their own lives. She can foresee no -possibilities, measure no distances, think of no means of escape. -Never quick nor ready, pressure paralyzes such wits as she possesses; -and it is not from selfishness so much as from pure incapacity to help -herself or to serve others that the poor doll falls down in a helpless -heap of self-surrender, and lets her very children perish before her -eyes without making an effort to protect them. - -As a mother indeed, the doll woman is perhaps more unsatisfactory than -in any other character. She gives up her nursery into the absolute -keeping of her nurse, and does not attempt to control nor to -interfere. This again, is not from want of affection, but from want of -capacity. In her tepid way she has a heart, if only half-vitalized -like the rest of her being; and she is by no means cruel. Indeed, she -has not force enough to be cruel nor wicked anyhow; her worst -offence being a passive kind of selfishness, not from greed but from -inactivity, by which she is made simply useless for the general good. -As for her children, she understands neither their moral nature nor -their physical wants; and beyond a universal 'Oh, naughty!' if the -little ones express their lives in the rampant manner proper to young -things, or as a universal 'Oh, let them have it!' if there is a howl -over what is forbidden or unwise, she has no idea of discipline or -management. If they teaze her, they are sent away; if they are -naughty, they are whipped by papa or nurse; if they are ill, the -doctor is summoned and they have medicine as he directs; but none of -the finer and more intimate relations usual between mother and child -exist in the home of the doll mother. The children are the property of -the nurse only; unless indeed the father happens to be a specially -affectionate and a specially domestic man, and then he does the work -of the mother--at the best clumsily, but at the worst better than the -doll could have done it. - -Very shocking and revolting are all the more tragic facts of human -life to the smooth-skinned easy-going doll. When it comes to her own -turn to bear pain, she wonders how a good God can permit her to -suffer. Had she brains enough to think, the great mystery of pain -would make her atheistical in her angry surprise that she should be so -hardly dealt with. As dolls have a constitutional immunity from -suffering, her first initiation into even a minor amount of -anguish is generally a tremendous affair; and though it may be pain of -a quite natural and universal character, she is none the less -indignant and astonished at her portion. She invariably thinks herself -worse treated than her sisters, and cannot be made to understand that -others suffer as much as, and more than, herself. As she has always -shrunk from witnessing trouble of any kind, and as what she may have -seen has passed over her mind without leaving any impression, she -comes to her own sorrows totally inexperienced; and one of the most -pitiable sights in the world is that of a poor doll woman writhing in -the grasp of physical agony, and broken down or rendered insanely -impatient by what other women can bear without a murmur. - -When she is in the presence of the moral tragedies of life, she is as -lost and bewildered as she is with the physical. All sin and crime are -to her odd and inexplicable. She cannot pity the sinner, because she -cannot understand the temptation; and she cannot condemn from any -lofty standpoint, because she has not mind enough to see the full -meaning of iniquity. It is simply something out of the ordinary run of -her life, and the doll naturally dislikes disturbance, whether of -habit or of thought. Yet if a noted criminal came and sat down by her, -she would probably whisper to her next friend, 'How shocking!' but she -would simper when he spoke, and perhaps in her heart feel flattered by -the attention of even so doubtful a notoriety. If she be a doll -with a bias towards naughtiness, the utmost limit to which she can go -is a mild kind of curiosity about the outsides of things--the mere -husk and rind of the forbidden fruit--such as wondering how such and -such people look who have done such dreadful things; and what they -felt the next morning; and how could they ever come to think of such -horrors! She would be more interested in hearing about the dress and -hair and eyes of the female plaintiff or defendant in a famous cause -than many other women would be; but she would not give herself the -trouble to read the evidence, and she would take all her opinions -secondhand. But whether the colour of the lady's gown was brown or -blue, and whether she wore her hair wisped or plaited, would be -matters in which she would take as intense an interest as is possible -to her. - -The utmost limit to which enthusiasm can be carried with her is in the -matter of dress and fashion; and the only subject that thoroughly -arouses her is the last new colour, or the latest eccentricity of -costume. Talk to her of books, and she will go to sleep; even novels, -her sole reading, she forgets half an hour after she has turned the -last page; while of any other kind of literature she is as profoundly -ignorant as she is of mathematics; but she can discuss the mysteries -of fashion with something like animation, these being to her what the -wire is to the eyes of the dolls in the bazaar. Else she has no power -of conversation. At the head of her own table she sits like a -pretty waxen dummy, and can only simper out a few commonplaces, or -simper without the commonplaces, satisfied if she is well appointed -and looks lovely, and if her husband seems tolerably contented with -the dinner. She is more in her element at a ball, where she is only -asked to dance and not wanted to talk; but her ball-room days do not -last for ever, and when they are over she has no available retreat. - -If a rich doll woman is a mistake, a poor one who has been rich is -about the greatest infliction that can be laid on a suffering -household. Not all the teaching of experience can make wax and glue -into flesh and blood, and nothing can train the human doll into a -dignified or a capable womanhood. She still dresses in faded -finery--which she calls keeping up appearances; and still has -pretensions which no 'inexorable logic of facts' can destroy. She -spends her money on sweets and ribbons and ignores the family need for -meat and calico; and she sits by the fireside dozing over a trashy -novel, while her children are in rags and her house is given over to -disorder. But then she has a craze for the word 'lady-like,' and -thinks it synonymous with ignorance and helplessness. She abhors the -masculine-minded woman who helps her--sister, cousin, daughter--so far -as she can abhor anything; but she is glad to lean on her strength, -despite this abhorrence, and, while grumbling at her masculinity, does -not disdain to take advantage of her power. The doll is only passively -disagreeable though; and for all that she carps under her breath, -will remain in any position in which she is placed. She will not act, -but she will let you act unhindered; which is something gained when -you have to deal with fools. - -This quiescence of hers passes with the world for plasticity and -amiability; it is neither; it is simply indolence and want of -originating force. While she is young, she is nice enough to those who -care only for a pretty face and a character founded on negatives; but -when a man's pride of life has gone, and he has come into the phase of -weakness, or under the harrow of affliction, or into the valley of the -shadow of death, then she becomes in sorrowful truth the chain and -bullet which make him a galley-slave for the remainder of his days, -and which sign him to drudgery and despair. - -As an old woman the doll has not one charm. She has learned none of -that handiness, come to none of that grand maternal power of helping -others, which should accompany maturity and age and has still to be -thought for and protected, to the exclusion of the younger and -naturally more helpless, as when she was young herself, and beautiful -and fascinating, and men thought it a privilege to suffer for her -sake. Nine times out of ten she has lost her temper as well as her -complexion, and has become peevish and unreasonable. She gets fat and -rouges; but she will not consent to get old. She takes to false hair, -dyes, padded stays, arsenic or 'anti-fat,' and to artful contrivances -of every description; but alas! there is no 'dolly's hospital' for her -as there used to be for her battered old prototype in the nursery -lumber-closet; and, whether she likes it or not, she has to succumb to -the inevitable decree, and to become faded, worn out, unlovely, till -the final _coup de grâce_ is given and the poor doll is no more. Poor, -weak, frivolous doll! it requires some faith to believe -that she is of any good whatsoever in this overladen life of ours; but -doubtless she has her final uses, though it would puzzle a Sanhedrim -of wise men to discover them. Perhaps in the great readjustment of the -future she may have her place and her work assigned to her in some -inter-stellar Phalansterie; when the meaning of her helpless earthly -existence shall be made manifest and its absurd uselessness atoned for -by some kind of celestial 'charing.' - - - - -_CHARMING WOMEN._ - - -There are certain women who are invariably spoken of as charming. We -never hear any other epithet applied to them. They are not said to be -pretty, nor amiable, nor clever, though they may be all three, but -simply charming; which we may take as a kind of verbal amalgam--the -concentration and concretion of all praise. The main feature about -these charming women is their intense feminality. There is no blurring -of the outlines here; no confusion of qualities admirable enough in -themselves but slightly out of place considering the sex; no Amazonian -virtues which leave one in doubt as to whether we have not before us -Achilles in petticoats rather than a true Pyrrha or a more tender -Deidamia. - -A charming woman is woman all over--one who places her glory in being -a woman and has no desire to be anything else. She is a woman rather -than a human being, and a lady rather than a woman. One of her -characteristics is the exquisite grace of her manner which so sweetly -represents the tender nature within. She has not an angle anywhere. If -she were to be expressed geometrically, Hogarth's Line of Beauty -is the sole figure that could be used for her. She is flowing, -graceful, bending in mind as in body; she is neither self-asserting -nor aggressive, neither rigid nor narrow; she is a creature who glides -gracefully through life, and adjusts herself to her company and her -circumstances in a manner little less than marvellous; working her own -way without tumult or sharpness; creeping round the obstacles she -cannot overthrow, and quietly wearing down more friable opposition -with that gentle persistency which does so much more than turmoil and -disturbance. - -Even if enthusiastic--which she is for art, either as music, as -painting, or yet as poetry--she is enthusiastic in such a sweet and -graceful way that no one can be offended by a fire which shines and -does not burn. There is no touch of scorn about her and no assumption -of superior knowledge. She speaks to you, poor ignorant Philistine, -with the most flattering conviction that you follow her in all her -flights; and when she comes out, quite naturally, with her pretty -little bits of recondite lore or professional technicalities, you -cannot be so boorish as to ask for an explanation of these trite -matters which she makes so sure you must understand. Are you not an -educated person with a soul to be saved? can you then be ignorant of -things with which every one of culture is familiar? She discourses -confidentially of musicians and painters unknown to fame, and speaks -as if she knew the secret doings of the Conservatoire and the R. A. -council-chamber alike. The models and the methods, the loves and -the hates, of the artistic world are to her things of every-day life, -and you cannot tell her that she is shooting her delicate shafts wide -of the mark, and that you know no more of what she means than if she -were talking in the choicest Arabic. - -If she has been abroad--and she generally has been more or less--she -will pour out her tender little rhapsodies about palazzi and musei of -which you have never heard, but every room of which she assumes you -know by heart; and she will speak of out-of-the-way churches, and grim -old castles perched upon vine-clad mounts, as if you were as well -acquainted with them as with your native hamlet. She will bring into -her discourse all manner of Italian technicalities, as if you -understood the subject as well as she herself understands it; though -your learning is limited to a knowledge of how much has been done in -jute and tallow this last half year, or how many pockets of hops went -off in the market last week. If she has a liking for high life and -titles--and what charming woman has not?--she will mention the names -of all manner of counts and dukes and monsignori unknown to English -society, as though they were her brothers; but if you were to -interrupt the gentle ripple of her speech with such rude breakwaters -as 'who?' and 'what?' the charming woman would think you a horrid -bore--and no man would willingly face that humiliation. One may be a -rhinoceros in one's own haunts, but, as the fable tells us, even -rhinoceroses are ashamed of their parentage when among gazelles. - -Never self-asserting, never contradictory, only sweetly and tenderly -putting you right when you blunder, the charming woman nevertheless -always makes you feel her superiority. True, she lays herself as it -were at your feet and gives you a thousand delicate flatteries--indeed -among her specialities is that of being able to set you on good terms -with yourself by her art of subtle flattery; but despite her own -self-abasement and your exaltation you cannot but feel her -superiority; and, although she is too charming to acknowledge what -would wound your pride, you know that she feels it too, and tries to -hide it. All of which has the effect of making you admire her still -more for her grace and tact. - -The charming woman is generally notoriously in love with her husband, -who is almost always inferior to her in birth, acquirements, manner, -appearance. This Titania-like affection of hers only shows her -feminine qualities of sacrifice and wifely devotion to greater -advantage, and makes other men envy more ferociously the lucky fellow -who has drawn such a prize. The husband of a charming woman is indeed -lucky in the world's esteem; no man more so. Though he may be one of -the most ordinary, perhaps unpleasant, fellows you know, with a sour -face, an underbred air, and by no means famous in his special sphere, -his wife speaks of him enthusiastically as so good, so clever, so -delightful! No one knows how good he is, she says; though of -course he has his little peculiarities of temper and the rest of it, -and perhaps every one would not bear with them as she does. But then -she knows him, and knows his wonderful worth and value! If they are -not seen much together, that comes from causes over which they have no -control, not from anything like disinclination to each other's -society. Certainly, for so happy a marriage, it is a little surprising -how very seldom they are together; and how all her friends are hers -only and not his, and how much she goes into society without him. On -the whole, counting hours, they live very much more apart than united; -but that is the misfortune of his career, of his health, or of hers--a -misfortune due to any cause but that of diversity of tastes, -inharmoniousness of pursuits, or lack of love. - -Full of home affection and the tenderest sentiment as she is, the -charming woman does sometimes the oddest-looking things, which a rough -little domestic creature without graceful pretensions would not dream -of doing. Her child is lying dangerously ill, perhaps dying, and she -appears at the grand ball of the season, subdued certainly--how well -that sweet melancholy becomes her!--but always graceful, always -thoughtful for others, and attentive to the minutest detail of her -social duties. And though indeed, she will tell you, she does not know -how she got dressed at all, because of the state of cruel anxiety in -which she is, yet she is undeniably the best dressed woman in the room -and the most carefully appointed. It is against her own will that -she is there, you may be sure; but she has been forced to sacrifice -herself, and tear herself away for an hour. The exigencies of society -are so merciless!--the world is such a terrible Juggernaut! she says, -raising her eyes with plaintive earnestness to yours in the -breathing-times of the waltz. - -She has another trial if her husband is ordered out to Canada or the -West Indies. Dearly as she loves him, and though she is heart-broken -at the idea of the separation, yet her health cannot stand the -climate; and she must obey her doctor's orders. She is so delicate, -you know--all charming women are delicate--and the doctor tells her -she could not live six months either in Toronto or Port Royal. If her -lord and master had to go on diplomatic service to St. Petersburg or -Madrid, she might be able to stand the climate then; but that is -different. A dull station, without any of her favourite pleasures, -would be more than she could bear; so she remains behind, goes out -into society, and writes her husband tender and amusing letters once a -month. - -The charming woman is the gentlest of her sex. She would not do a -cruel thing nor say an unkind word for the world. When she tells you -the unpleasant things which ill-natured people have said of your -friends or hers, she tells them in the sweetest and dearest way -imaginable. She is so sure there is not a syllable of truth in it all; -and what a shame it is that people should be so ill-natured! In the -gentle tone of sympathy and deprecation peculiar to her, she -gives you all the ugly and uncomfortable reports which have come to -her, and of which you have never heard a breath until this moment. Yet -it is you who are stupid, not she who is initiative, for she tells -them to you as if they were of patent notoriety to the whole world; -only she does not believe them, remember! She takes the most -scrupulous care to deny and defend as she retails, and you cannot -class her with the tribe of the ill-natured whom she censures, -setting, as she does, the whole strength of her gentle words and -generous disbelief in opposition to these ugly rumours. Yet you wish -she had not told you. Her disclaimers spring so evidently from the -affectionate amiability of her own mind, which cannot bear to think -evil, that they have not much effect upon you. The excuse dies away -from your memory, but the ill-savoured report roots; and you feel that -you have lost your respect for your former friends for ever; or, if -they were only hers, then, that nothing should tempt you to know them. -There is no smoke without some fire, you think; and the charming woman -cannot possibly have kindled the flame herself out of sticks and -leaves and rubbish of her own collecting. But how sweet and charitable -she was when she told you! how much you love her for her tenderness of -nature! what a guileless and delightful creature she is! - -The charming woman is kind and graceful, but she does not command the -stronger virtues. She flatters sweetly, but, it must be -confessed, she fibs as sweetly. She sometimes owns to this, but only -to fibs that do more good than harm--fibs into the utterance of which -she is forced for the sake of peace and to avoid mischief. It is a -feminine privilege, she says; and men agree with her. Truth at all -times--bold, uncompromising, stern-faced truth--is coarse and -indelicate she says; a masculine quality as little fitted for women as -courage or great bodily strength. Her husband knows that she fibs; her -friends at times find her out too; but though the women throw it at -her as an accusation, the men accept it as a quality without which she -would be less the charming woman that she is; and not only forgive it, -but like her the better for the grace and tact and suppleness she -displays in the process of manufacture. Hers are not the severer -virtues, but the gentler, the more insinuating; and absolute -truth--truth at any price and on all occasions--does not come into the -list. - -Charming women, with their plastic manners and non-aggressive force, -always have their own way in the end. They are the women who influence -by unseen methods and who shrink from any open display of power. They -know that their _métier_ is to soothe men, to put them on good terms -with themselves, and so to get the benefit of the good humour they -induce; and they dread nothing so much as a contest of wills. They -coax and flatter for their rights, and consequently they are given -privileges in excess of their rights; whereas the women who take -their rights, as things to which they are entitled without favour, -lose them and their privileges together. This art of self-abasement -for future exaltation is one which it is given only to few to carry to -perfection, but no woman is really charming without it. In fact it is -part of her power; and she knows it. Though charming women are -decidedly the favourites with men, they are careful to keep on good -terms with their own sex; and in society you may often see them almost -ostentatiously surrounded by women only, whom they take pains to -please or exert themselves to amuse, but whom they throw into the -shade in the most astonishing way. - -Whatever these really charming women are, or do, or wear, is exactly -the right thing; and every other woman fails in proportion to the -distance she is removed from this model. When a charming woman is -dressed richly, the simpler costumes of her friends look poor and -mean; when she is _à la bergère_, the Court dresses about her are -vulgar; when she is gay, quietness is dullness; when she is quiet, -laughter is coarse. And there is no use in trying to imitate her. She -is the very Will-o'-the-wisp of her circle, and no sooner shows her -light here than she flits away there; she has no sooner set one -fashion, which her admiring friends have adopted with infinite pains -and trouble, than she has struck out a new one which renders all the -previous labour in vain. This is part of her very essence; and the -originality which is simply perfection that cannot be repeated, and -not eccentricity that no one will imitate, comes in as one of the -finest and most potent of her charms. When she lends her patterns to -her friends, or tells them this or that little secret, she laughs in -her heart, knowing that she has shown them a path they cannot possibly -follow and raised up a standard to which they cannot attain. And even -should they do either, then she knows that, by the time they have -begun to get up to her, she will be miles away, and that no art -whatever can approximate them to her as she is. What she was she -tosses among them as a worn-out garment; what she is they cannot be. -She remains still the unapproachable, the inimitable, the charming -woman _par excellence_ of her set, whom none can rival. - - - - -_APRON-STRINGS._ - - -Among other classifications, the world of men and women may be divided -into those who wear aprons and those who are tied to the strings -thereof--those who determine the length of the tether and those who -are bound to browse within its circuit--those who hold the reins and -those who go bitted. All men and women are fond of power, but there is -a wide difference in the ways in which they use it. To men belong the -grave political tyrannies at which nations revolt and history is -outraged, to women the small conventional laws framed against -individual liberty by Mrs. Grundy and society; men rule with rods of -iron and drive with whips of steel, women shorten the tether and tie -up close to apron-strings; men coerce, women forbid. In fact, the -difference is just that which lies between action and negation, -compulsion and restraint; between the masculine jealousy of equality -and the feminine fear of excess. If men debar women from all entrance -into their larger sphere, women try to dwarf men's lives to their own -measure, and not a few hold themselves aggrieved when they fail. They -think that everything which is impossible to them should be -forbidden to others, and they maintain that to be a lamentable extreme -which is simply in excess of their own powers. Not content with -supremacy in the home which is their own undisputed domain, nor -satisfied with binding on men the various rules distinguishing life in -the drawing-room, the dining-room and the breakfast-parlour, they -would, if they could, carry their code outside, and sweep into its -narrow net the club-house and the mess-table, the billiard-room and -the race-course, and wherever else men congregate together--delivered -from the bondage of feminine conventionalities. - -For almost all women have an uneasy feeling when their men are out of -sight, enjoying themselves in their own way. They fear on all -sides--both bodily harm and moral evil; and regard men's rougher -sports and freer thoughts as a hen regards her wilful ducklings when -they take to the water in which she would be drowned, and leave her -high and dry lamenting their danger and self-destruction. The man they -love best for his manliness they would, in their loving cowardice, do -their utmost to make effeminate; and, while adoring him for all that -makes him bold and strong in thought as well as in frame, they would -tie him up to their apron-strings, and keep him there till he became -as soft and narrow as themselves. Not that they would wish to do so; -if you asked them they would tell you quite the contrary. But this -would be the result if they had their own way, their love being -at all times more timid than confident. - -To home-staying women, a brilliant husband courted by the world and -loving what courts him, is a painful cross to bear, however much he -may be beloved--the pain, in fact, being proportionate to the love. -Perhaps no life exemplifies this so much as Moore's. Poor "Bessy" -suffered many things because of the looseness of the apron-string by -which her roving husband was tied, and the length of the tether which -he allowed himself. _Farfallone amoroso_ as he was, his incessant -flutterings out of range and reach caused her many a sad hour; and in -after years she was often heard to say that the happiest time of her -life was when his mind had begun to fail, for then she had him all to -herself and no one came in between them--no great world swept him away -to be the idol of a _salon_, and left her alone at home casting up her -accounts with life and love, and quaking at the result that came out. -When the brilliancy and the idolatry came to an end, then her turn -began; and she tied up her dulled and faltering idol close to her side -for ever after, and was happier to have him there helpless, -affectionate, dependent and imbecile than when he was at his -brightest--and a rover. - -Many a wife has felt the same when sickness has broken down the strong -man's power to a weakness below her own, and made her, so long the -inferior, now the more powerful of the two, and the supreme. She -gathers up the reins with that firm, tight hand peculiar to -women, and ties her master to her apron-string so that he cannot -escape. It is quite a matter of pride with her that she has got him -into such good order. He obeys her so implicitly about his medicines, -and going to bed early, and wrapping himself up, and avoidance of -draughts and night-air, that she feels all the reflected glory of one -who has conquered a hero. The Samson who used to defy the elements and -break her careful strings like bands of tow, has at last laid his head -in her lap and suffered himself to be covered by her apron. It is -worth while to have had the anxiety and loss of his illness for the -sake of the submission resulting; and she generally ends by gaining a -hold over him which he can never shake off again. - -It is pitiful though, to see the stronger life thus dwarfed and bound. -But women like it; and while the need for it lasts men must submit. -The danger is lest the habit of the apron-string should become -permanent; for it is so perilously pleasant to be petted and made much -of by women, that few men can resist the temptation when it offers; -and many have been ruined for the remainder of their days by an -illness which gave them up into the keeping of wife and sisters--those -fireside Armidas who will coddle all the real manliness out of their -finest heroes, if they are let. If this kind of thing occurs at the -break of life, the _mezzo cammino_ between maturity and age, it is -doubly difficult to throw off; and many a man who had good years -of vigour and strength, before him if he had been kept up to the mark, -sinks all at once into senility because his womankind got frightened -at that last small attack of his, and thought the best way to preserve -him from another was to weaken him by over-care out of all wish for -dangerous exposure. - -Perhaps the greatest misfortune that can befall a man is to have been -an only son brought up by a timid widow mother. It is easy to see at a -glance, among a crowd of boys, who has been educated under exclusively -feminine influence. The long curled shining hair, the fantastic -tunic--generally a kind of hybrid between a tunic and a frock--the -lavish use of embroidery, the soft pretty-behaved manner, the clean -unroughened hands, all mark the boy of whom his mother has so often -wished that he had been a girl, and whom she has made as much like a -girl as possible. His intellectual education has been as unboylike as -his daily breeding. Mothers' boys are taught to play the piano, to -amuse themselves with painting, or netting, or perhaps a little -woolwork in the evenings--anything to keep them quietly seated by the -family table, without an outbreak of boyish restlessness or -inconvenient energy; but they are never taught to ride, to hunt, to -shoot, to swim, to play at cricket, football, nor billiards, unless a -stalwart uncle happens to be about who takes the reins in his own hand -at times, and insists on having a word to say to his nephew's -education. - -There is danger in all, and evil in some, of these things; and -women cannot bear that those they love should run the risk of either. -Wherefore their boys are modest and virtuous truly, but they are not -manly; and when they go out into the world, as they must sooner or -later, they are either laughed at for their priggishness, or they go -to the bad by the very force of reaction. The mother has allowed them -to learn nothing that will be of solid use to them, and they enter the -great arena wholly unprepared either to fight or to resist, to push -their own way or to take their own part. They have been kept tied up -to the apron-string to the last moment, and only when absolutely -forced by the necessity of events will she cut the knot and let them -go free. But she holds on to the last moment. Even when the time comes -for college-life and learning, she often goes with her darling, and -takes lodgings in the town, that she may be near at hand to watch over -his health and morals, and continue her careful labours for his -destruction. - -The chances are that a youth so brought up never becomes a real man, -nor worth his salt anyhow. He is a prig if he is good, a debauchee of -the worst kind if he kicks over the traces at all. He is more likely -the first, carrying the mark of the apron-string round his wrist for -life. Like a tame falcon used to the hood and the perch and the lure -home, no matter what the temptation of the quarry afield, he is -essentially a domestic man, at ease only in the society of women; a -fussy man; a small-minded man; delicate in health; with a dread -of strong measures, physical, political, or intellectual; a crotchety -man given to passing quackeries; but not a man fit for man's society -nor for man's work. When there are many boys, instead of only one, in -a widow's family, the opposite of all this is the case. So soon as -they have escaped from the nursery, they have escaped from all control -whatsoever; and if one wants to realize a puerile pandemonium of dirt, -discomfort, noise and general disorganization, the best place in the -world is the household of a feeble-spirited mother of many sons where -there is no controlling masculine influence. - -Daughters, who are naturally and necessarily tied up to the mother's -apron-string, suffer occasionally from too tight a strain; though -certainly it is not the fault of the present day that girls are too -closely fettered, too home-staying or subdued. Still, every now and -then one comes across a matron who has crushed all individuality out -of her family, and whose grown-up daughters are still children to her -in moral go-carts and intellectual leading-strings. They may be the -least attractive of their sex, but a mother of this kind has one fixed -delusion respecting them--namely, that the world is full of wolves -eager to devour her lambs, and that they are only safe when close to -the maternal apron and browsing within an inch of the tether stake. -These are the girls who become hopeless old maids. Men have an -instinctive dread of the maternal apron-string. They do not want to -marry a mother as well as a wife, and to live under a double -dominion and a reduplicated opposition. - -It is all very well to say that a girl so brought up is broken in -already, and therefore more likely to make a good wife than many -others, seeing that it is only a transfer of obedience. That may do -for slaves who cannot be other than slaves whoever is the master; but -it does not do for women who, seeing their friends freer than -themselves, reflect with grief and longing that, had fate so ordered -it, they might have been free too. The chances here, as with the -mothers' boys, are, that the girl kept too close to the apron-string -during her spinsterhood goes all abroad so soon as she gets on the -free ground of matrimony, and lets her liberty run into license. Or -she keeps her old allegiance to her mother intact, and her husband is -never more than the younger branch at best. Most likely he is a -usurper, whom it is her duty to disobey in favour of the rightful -ruler when they chance to come into collision. - -If women had their will, all national enterprise would be at an end. -There would be no Arctic Expeditions, no Alpine Clubs, no dangerous -experiments in science, no firearms at home, no volunteering--in their -own family at least. All the danger would be done by the husbands and -brothers and sons of other women, but each would guard her own. For -women cannot go beyond the individual; and the loss of one of their -own, by misadventure, weighs more with them than the necessity of -keeping up the courage and hardihood of the nation. Nor do they -see the difference between care and coddling, refinement and -effeminacy; consequently, men are obliged to resist their influence, -and many cut the apron-string altogether, because delicate fingers -will tie the knots too tight. They do not remember that the influence -to which men yield as a voluntary act of their own grace is a very -different thing from obedience to the open denial, the undisguised -interference and restraint, which some women like to show. Men respect -the higher standard of morality kept up by women; they obey the major -and the minor laws of refinement which are framed for home life and -for society; and they confess that, without woman's influence, they -would soon degenerate into mere savages and be no better than so many -Choctaws before a generation was over; but they do not like being -pulled up short, especially in public, and hounded into the safe -sheepfold for all the world to see them run. And they resent the -endeavour. And the world resents it too, and feels that something is -wrong when a woman shows that she has the whip hand, and that she can -treat her husband like a petted child or bully him like a refractory -one; that she has him tied to her apron-strings and tethered to the -stake of her will. But there is more of this kind of thing in families -than the world at large always knows of; and many a fine, stalwart -fellow who holds his own among men, who is looked up to at his -club and respected in his office for his courage, decision and -self-reliance, sinks into mere poodledom at home, where his wife has -somehow managed to get hold of the leading-strings, and has taught him -that the only way to peace is by submission and obedience. - - - - -_FINE FEELINGS._ - - -There are people who pride themselves on the possession of what it -pleases them to call fine feelings. Perhaps, if we were all diligent -to call spades spades, these same fine feelings would come under a -less euphemistic heading; but, as things are, we may as well adopt the -softening gloze that is spread over the whole of our language, and -call them by a pretty name with the rest. People who possess fine -feelings are chiefly remarkable for the ease with which they take -offence; it being indeed impossible, even for the most wary of their -associates, to avoid giving umbrage in some shape, and generally when -least intended and most innocently minded. Nothing satisfies them. No -amount of attention, short of absolute devotion and giving them the -place of honour everywhere, sets them at ease with themselves or keeps -them in good-humour. If you ask them to your house, you must not dream -of mixing them up with the rest. Though you have done them an honour -in asking them at all, you must give them a marked position and bear -them on your hands for the evening. They must be singled out from the -herd and specially attended to; introduced to the nicest people; -made a fuss with and taken care of; else they are offended, and feel -they have been slighted--their sensitiveness or fine feelings being a -kind of Chat Moss which will swallow up any quantity of _petits soins_ -that may be thrown in, and yet never be filled. If they are your -intimate friends, you have to ask them on every occasion on which you -receive. They make it a grievance if they hear that you have had even -a dinner party without inviting them, though your space is limited and -you had them at your last gathering. Still, if it comes to their ears -that you have had friends and did not include them, they will come -down on you to a dead certainty if they are of the franker kind, and -ask you seriously, perhaps pathetically, how they have offended you? -If they are of the sullen sort they will meet you coldly, or pass you -by without seeing you; and will either drift into a permanent -estrangement or come round after a time, according to the degree of -acidity in their blood and the amount of tenacity in their character. -They have lost their friends many times for no worse offence than -this. - -They are as punctilious too, as they are exacting. They demand visit -for visit, invitation for invitation, letter for letter. Though you -may be overwhelmed with serious work, while they have no weightier -burden strapped to their shoulders than their social duties and social -fineries, yet you must render point for point with them, keeping an -exact tally with not a notch too many on their side, if you want -to retain their acquaintance at all. And they must be always invited -specially and individually, even to your open days; else they will not -come at all; and their fine feelings will be hurt. They suffer no -liberties to be taken with them and they take none with others; -counting all frock-coat friendliness as taking liberties, and holding -themselves refined and you coarse if you think that manners _sans -façon_ are pleasanter than those which put themselves eternally into -stays and stiff buckram, and are never in more undress than a Court -suit. They will not go into your house to wait for you, however -intimate they may be; and they would resent it as an intrusion, -perhaps an impertinence, if you went into theirs in their absence. If -you are at luncheon when they call, they stiffly leave their cards and -turn away; though you have the heartiest, jolliest manner of -housekeeping going, and keep a kind of open house for luncheon -casuals. They do not understand heartiness or a jolly manner of -housekeeping; open houses are not in their line and they will not be -luncheon casuals; so they turn away grimly, and if you want to see -them you have to send your servant panting down the street after them, -when, their dignity being satisfied, their sensitiveness smoothed down -and their fine feelings reassured, they will graciously turn back and -do what they might have done at first without all this fuss and fume. - -When people who possess fine feelings are poor, their -sensitiveness is indeed a cross both for themselves and their friends -to bear. If you try to show them a kindness or do them a service, they -fly out at you for patronizing them, and say you humiliate them by -treating them as paupers. You may do to your rich acquaintances a -hundred things which you dare not attempt with your poor friends -cursed with fine feelings; and little offices of kindness, which pass -as current coin through society, are construed into insults with them. -Difficult to handle in every phase, they are in none more dangerous to -meddle with than when poor, though they are as bad if they have become -successful after a period of struggle. Then your attention to them is -time-serving, bowing to the rising sun, worshipping the golden calf, -&c. Else why did you not seek them out when they were poor? Why were -you not cap in hand when they went bare-headed? Why have you waited -until they were successful before you recognized their value? - -It is funny to hear how bitter these sensitive folks are when they -have come out into the sunlight of success after the dark passage of -poverty; as if it had been possible to dig them out of their obscurity -when their name was still to make--as if the world could recognize its -prophets before they had spoken. But this admission into the -penetralia after success is a very delicate point with people of fine -feelings, supposing always the previous struggle to have been hard; -and even if there has been no struggle to speak of, then there are -doubts and misgivings as to whether they are liked for themselves -or not, and morbid speculations on the stability and absolute value of -the position they hold and the attentions they receive, and endless -surmises of what would be the result if they lost their fame or wealth -or political power or social standing--or whatever may be the hook -whereon their success hangs, and their fine feelings are impaled. The -act of wisdom most impossible to be performed by these self-torturers -is the philosophic acceptance of life as it is and of things as they -fall naturally to their share. - -Women remarkable for fine feelings are also remarkable for that uneasy -distrust, that insatiable craving which continually requires -reassuring and allaying. As wives or lovers they never take a man's -love, once expressed and loyally acted on, as a certainty, unless -constantly repeated; hence they are always pouting or bemoaning their -loveless condition, getting up pathetic scenes of tender accusation or -sorrowful acceptance of coolness and desertion, which at the first may -have a certain charm to a man because flattering to his vanity, but -which pall on him after a short time, and end by annoying and -alienating him; thus bringing about the very catastrophe which was -deprecated before it existed. - -Another characteristic with women of fine feelings is their inability -to bear the gentlest remonstrance, the most shadowy fault-finding. A -rebuke of any gravity throws them into hysterics on the spot; but even -a request to do what they have not been in the habit of doing, or to -abstain from doing that which they have used themselves to do, is -more than they can endure with dry-eyed equanimity. You have to live -with them in the fool's paradise of perfectness, or you are made to -feel yourself an unmitigated brute. You have before you the two -alternatives of suffering many things which are disagreeable and which -might easily be remedied, or of having your wife sobbing in her own -room and going about the house with red eyes and an expression of -exasperating patience under ill-treatment, far worse to bear than the -most passionate retaliation. Indeed women may be divided broadly into -those who cry and those who retort when they are found fault with; -which, with a side section of those wooden women who 'don't care,' -leaves a very small percentage indeed of those who can accept a rebuke -good-temperedly, and simply try to amend a failing or break off an -unpleasant habit, without parade of submission and sweet Griseldadom -unjustly chastised, but kissing the rod with aggravating meekness. - -For there are women who can make their meekness a more potent weapon -of offence than any passion or violence could give. They do not cry, -neither do they complain, but they exaggerate their submission till -you are driven half mad under the slow torture they inflict. They look -at you so humbly; they speak to you in so subdued a voice, when they -speak to you at all, which is rarely and never unless first addressed; -they avoid you so pointedly, hurrying away if you are going to meet -them about the house, on the pretext of being hateful to your -sight and doing you a service by ridding you of their presence; they -are so ostentatiously careful that the thing of which you mildly -complained under some circumstances shall never happen again under any -circumstances, that you are forced at last out of your entrenchments, -and obliged to come to an explanation. You ask them what is amiss? or, -what do they mean by their absurd conduct? and they answer you -'Nothing,' with an injured air or affected surprise at your query. -What have they done that you should speak to them so harshly? They are -sure they have done all they could to please you, and they do not know -what right you have to be vexed with them again. They have kept out of -your way and not said a word to annoy you; they have only tried to -obey you and to do as you ordered, and yet you are not satisfied! What -can they do to please you? and why is it that they never can please -you whatever they do? You get no nearer your end by this kind of -thing; and the only way to bring your Griselda to reason is by having -a row; when she will cry bitterly, but finally end by kissing and -making up. You have to go through the process. Nothing else, save a -sudden disaster or an unexpected pleasure of large dimensions, will -save you from it; but as we cannot always command earthquakes nor -godsends, and as the first are dangerous and the last costly, the -short and easy method remaining is to have a decisive 'understanding,' -which means a scene and a domestic tempest with smooth sailing till -the next time. - -Sometimes fine feelings are hurt by no greater barbarity than that -which is contained in a joke. People with fine feelings are seldom -able to take a joke; and you will hear them relating, with an injured -accent and as a serious accusation, the merest bit of nonsense you -flung off at random, with no more intention of wounding them than had -the merchant the intention of putting out the Efreet's eye when he -flung his date-stones in the desert. As you cannot deny what you have -said, they have the whip-hand of you for the moment; and all you can -hope for is that the friend to whom they detail their grievance will -see through them and it, and understand the joke if they cannot. Then -there are fine feelings which express themselves in exceeding -irritation at moral and intellectual differences of opinion--fine -feelings bound up in questions of faith and soundness of doctrine, -having taken certain moral and theological views under their especial -patronage and holding all diversity of judgment therefrom a personal -offence. The people thus afflicted are exceedingly uncomfortable folks -to deal with, and manage to make every one else uncomfortable too. You -hurt their feelings so continually and so unconsciously, that you -might as well be living in a region of steel-traps and spring-guns, -and set to walk blindfold among pitfalls and water-holes. You fling -your date-stone here too, quite carelessly and thinking no evil, -and up starts the Efreet who swears you have injured him intentionally. -You express an opinion without attaching any particular importance -to it, but you hurt the fine feelings which oppose it, and unless you -wish to have a quarrel you must retract or apologize. As the worst -temper always carries the day, and as fine feelings are only bad tempers -under another name, you very probably do apologize; and so the matter -ends. - -Other people show their fineness of feeling by their impatience of -pain and the tremendous grievance they think it that they should -suffer as others--they say, so much more than others. These are the -people who are great on the theory of nervous differences, and who -maintain that their cowardice and impatience of suffering means an -organization like an Æolian harp for sensibility. The oddest part of -the business is the sublime contempt which these sensitives have for -other persons' patience and endurance, and how much more refined and -touching they think their own puerile sensibility. But this is a -characteristic of humanity all through; the masquerading of evil under -the name of good being one of the saddest facts of an imperfect nature -and a confused system of morals. If all things showed their faces -without disguise, we should have fine feelings placed in a different -category from that in which they stand at this moment, and the world -would be the richer by just so much addition of truth. - - - - -_SPHINXES._ - - -There are people to whom mystery is the very breath of life and the -main element of their existence. Without it they are insignificant -nobodies; by its aid they are magnified into vague and perhaps awful -potentialities. They are the people who take the Sphinx for their -model, and like her, speak darkly and in parables; making secrets of -every-day matters which would be patent to the whole world in their -simplicity, but which, by the magic of enigmatic handling, become -riddles that the curious would give their lives to unravel. - -Nothing with these people is confessed and above board, and nothing is -shown openly so that you may look at it all round and judge for -yourself what it is like and what it is worth. The utmost they do is -to uncover just a corner of something they keep back in the bulk, -tantalizing you with glimpses that bewilder and mislead; or they will -dangle before you the end of a clue which they want you to take up and -follow, making you believe that you will be guided thereby into the -very heart of a mystery, and that you will find a treasure hidden in -the centre of the maze which will abundantly repay you for the -trouble of hunting it out. Nine times out of ten you will find nothing -but a scarecrow of no more value than the rags of which it is -composed--if even you find that. They are the people who repeat to you -the most trivial things you may have said, and who remind you of the -most unimportant things you may have done, years ago, all of which you -have totally forgotten; but they will speak of them in a mysterious -manner, as if they had been matters of vital meaning at the -time--things which would open, if followed up, a page in your private -history that it were better should be forgotten. As it is a question -of memory, you cannot deny point-blank what they affirm; and as we all -have pages of private history which we would rather not hear read -aloud at the market-cross, you are obliged to accept their highly -suggestive recollections with a queer feeling of helplessness and -being somehow in their power--not knowing how much they are really -acquainted with your secret affairs, nor whether the signal they have -flashed before your eyes is a feint or a revelation. - -Of the same sort, with a difference, are those who are always going to -tell you something some day--people burdened with a perennial mystery -which never sees the light. You are for ever tormented with these folks' -possibilities of knowledge. You turn over in your own mind every -circumstance that you think they could have got hold of; you cunningly -subject all your common friends to crafty cross-examination; you go, -link by link, through the whole chain connecting you with them; but -you can find nothing that leads to the mere outskirts of the mystery. -You can make nothing of it; and your sphinx goes on to the end promising -some day to tell you something which dies with him untold. Your only -consolation is the inner conviction that there was nothing to tell -after all. - -Then there are sphinxes of a more personal kind--people who keep their -affairs a profound secret from every one, who wash all their dirty -linen scrupulously at home and double-lock the door of the cupboard -where the family skeleton lives. They are dungeons of silence, -unfathomable abysses of reserve. You never know more of them, mind nor -estate, than what you can learn from the merest outside of things. -Look back, and you cannot recollect that you have ever heard them -speak of their family or of their early days; and you are not -acquainted with a living soul with whom they are connected. You may -visit them for years without knowing that such and such a friend is -their cousin, or maybe their sister. If they are unmarried men, they -have no address save at their club; and neither you nor their most -intimate friends have an idea where they sleep. For all you know to -the contrary they may be married, with a fine flourishing family -snugly stowed away in some suburban villa, where perhaps they live -under another name, or with the omission or addition of a title that -effectually masks their real individuality. If this is their -special manifestation of sphinxhood, they take as many precautions -against being identified as a savage when out on a scouting -expedition. They obliterate all traces of themselves so soon as they -leave their office in the City, and take it as a terrible misfortune -if the truth is ever discovered; though there is nothing disgraceful -in their circumstances, and their wives and children are healthy and -presentable. - -Most of us have been startled by the sudden discovery, in our own -circle of friends, of the wife and children of some member of our -society hitherto supposed to be a bachelor and unshackled. All the -time that we have been joking him on his celibacy and introducing him -to various young ladies likely to make good wives if properly taught, -he has been living in the holy estate a little way out of town, where -he is at last stumbled on by some OEdipus who tells the secret to all -the world and blows the mystery to the winds. We may be very sure that -the officious OEdipus in question gets no thanks for his pains, and -that the sphinx he has unmasked would rather have gone on living in -congenial secrecy with his unacknowledged family in that remote -suburban villa, than be forced into publicity and recognition. Leading -two lives and personating two men--the one as imagined by his friends, -the other as known to his belongings--was a kind of existence he liked -infinitely better than the commonplace respectability of being _en -évidence_ throughout. - -With certain sphinxes, no one but the officials concerned ever -knows what they have done, where they have served, what laurels they -have gained. It comes out quite by accident that they were in the -Crimea, where, like Jack Poyntz in _School_, they were heroes in their -own way, though they don't talk about it; or that they performed -prodigies of valour in the Indian Mutiny and obtained the Victoria -Cross, which they never wear. This kind has at least the merit of -being unboastful; keeping their virtues hidden like the temple which -the real sphinx held between her paws, and to which only those had -access who knew the secret of the way. But though it is hateful to -hear a man blowing his own trumpet in season and out of season, yet it -is pleasant to know the good deeds of one's neighbours, and to have -the power of admiring what is worthy of admiration. Besides, modesty -and mystery are not the same things; and there is a mean to be found -between the secrecy of a sphinx making riddles of commonplace matters, -and the cackle of a hen when she has laid an egg for the family -breakfast. - -The monetary or financial sphinx is one of the oddest of the whole -tribe and one of the most mysterious. There are people who live on -notoriously small incomes--such as the widows, say, of naval or -military men, whose pensions are printed in blue-books and of whose -yearly receipts the world can take exact cognizance--yet who dress in -velvet and satin, perpetually go about in cabs and hired carriages, -and are never without money to spend, though always complaining -of poverty. How these financial sphinxes manage surpasses the -understanding of every one; and by what royal road they arrive at the -power of making two do the work of four is hidden from the ordinary -believers in Cocker. You know their ostensible income; indeed, they -themselves put it at so much; but they keep up a magnificent -appearance on a less sum than that on which you would go shabby and -dilapidated. When you ask them how it is done, they answer, 'by -management.' Anything can be done by management, they say, by those -who have the gift; which you feel to be an utterance of the sphinx--a -dark saying the key to which has not yet been forged. - -You calculate to the best of your ability, and you know that you are -sound in your arithmetic; but, do what you will, you can never come to -the rule by which five hundred a year can be made to compass the -expenditure of a thousand. If you whisper secret supplies, concealed -resources, your sphinx will not so much as wink her eyelid. How she -contrives to make her ostensible five hundred do the work of a -thousand--how she gets velvet and satin for the value of cotton and -stuff, and how, though always complaining of poverty, she keeps -unfailingly flush of cash--how all this is done is her secret, and she -holds it sacred. And you may be quite sure of one thing--it is a -secret she will never share with you nor any one else. - -The rapidly-working _littérateur_ is another sphinx worth -studying as a curiosity--we might say, indeed, a living miracle. There -he stands, a jovial, self-indulgent, enjoying man, out in society -every night in the week; by no means abstinent from champagne, and as -little given to early rising as he is to consumption of the midnight -oil. But he gets through a mass of work which would be respectable in -a mere copyist, and which is little less than miraculous in an -original producer. How he thinks, when he finds time to make up his -plots, to work out his characters, even to correct his proofs, are -riddles unanswerable by all his friends. Taking the mere mechanical -act alone, he must write faster than any living man has ever been -known to write, to get through all that goes under his name. And when -is it done? Literary sphinxes of this kind go about unchallenged; -indeed, they are very much about, and to be beheld everywhere; and one -looks at them with respect, not knowing of what material they are -made, nor of what mysterious gifts they are the possessors. Novels, -plays, essays, poems, come pouring forth in never slackening supply. -The railway stations and all hoardings are made gorgeous by the -announcement of their feats set out in red and blue and yellow. No -sooner has one blaze of triumph burnt itself out than another blaze of -triumph flares up; and nothing but death or a rich inheritance seems -likely to stop their mysterious fecundity. How is it done? That is the -secret of the literary sphinx, to which the admiring and amazed -brotherhood is anxiously seeking some clue; but up to the present hour -it has been kept jealously guarded and no solution has been arrived -at. - -There is another form of the literary sphinx in the Nobodies and Anons -who speak from out the darkness and let no man see whence the voice -proceeds. They are generally tracked to their lair sooner or later, -and the sphinx's head turns out to be only a pasteboard mask behind -which some well-known Apuleian hid himself for a while, working much -amazement among the wondering crowd while the clasps held good, but -losing something of that fervid worship when the reality became known. -Others, again, of these Anons have, like Junius, kept their true abode -hidden and their name a mystery still, though there be some who swear -they have traced the footsteps and know exactly where the sphinx -lives, and what is the name upon his frontlet, and of what race and -complexion he is without his mask. It may be so. But as every -discoverer has a track of his own, and as each swears that his sphinx -is the real one and no other, the choice among so many becomes a -service of difficulty; and perhaps the wisest thing to do is to -suspend judgment until the literary sphinx of the day chooses to -reveal himself by the prosaic means of a title-page, with his name as -author printed thereon and his place of abode jotted down at the foot -of the preface. - - - - -_FLIRTING._ - - -There are certain things which can never be accurately -described--things so shadowy, so fitful, so dependent on the mood of -the moment, both in the audience and the actor, that analysis and -representation are equally at fault. And flirting is one of them. What -is flirting? Who can define or determine? It is more serious than -talking nonsense and not so serious as making love; it is not chaff -and it is not feeling; it means something more than indifference and -yet something less than affection; it binds no one; it commits no one -though it raises expectations in the individual and sets society on -the look-out for results; it is a plaything in the hands of the -experienced but a deadly weapon against the breast of the unwary; and -it is a thing so vague, so protean, that the most accurate measurer of -moral values would be puzzled to say where it exactly ends and where -serious intentions begin. - -But again we ask: What is flirting? What constitutes its essence? What -makes the difference between it and chaff on the one hand, and it and -love-making on the other? Has it a cumulative power, and, -according to the old saying of many a pickle making a mickle, does a -long series of small flirtings make up a concrete whole of love? or is -it like an unmortared heap of bricks, potential utilities if -conditions were changed, but valueless as things are? The man who -would be able to reduce flirting to a definite science, who could -analyze its elements and codify its laws, would be doing infinite -service to his generation; but we fear that this is about as difficult -as finding the pot of gold under the end of a rainbow, or catching -small birds with a pinch of salt. - -Every one has his or her ideas of what constitutes flirting; -consequently every one judges of that pleasant exercise according to -individual temperament and experience. Faded flowers, who see -impropriety in everything they are no longer able to enjoy, say with -more or less severity that Henry and Angelina are flirting if they are -laughing while whispering together in an alcove, probably the most -innocent nonsense in the world; but the fact that they are enjoying -themselves in their own way, albeit a silly one, is enough for the -faded flower to think they are after mischief, flirting being to her -mind about the worst bit of mischief that a fallen humanity can -perpetrate. The watchful mother, intent on chances, says that dancing -together oftener than is necessary for good breeding and just the -amount of attention demanded by circumstances, is flirting; timid -girls newly out, and not yet used to the odd ways of men, think -they are being flirted with outrageously if their partner fires off -the meekest little compliment at them, or looks at them more tenderly -than he would look at a cabbage; but bolder spirits of both sexes -think nothing worthy of the name which does not include a few -questionable familiarities, and an equivoke or two, more or less -risky. With some, flirting is nothing but the passing fun of the -moment; with others, it is the first lesson of the great unopened book -and means the beginning of the end; with some, it is not even angling -with intent; with others, it is deep-sea fishing with a broad, -boldly-made net, and taking all fish that come in as good for sport if -not for food. - -Flirts are of many kinds as well as of all degrees. There are quiet -flirts and demonstrative flirts; flirts of the subtle sort whose -practice is made by the eyes alone, by the manner, by the tender -little sigh, by the bend of the head and the wave of the hand, to give -pathos and point to the otherwise harmless word; and flirts of the -open and rampant kind, who go up quite boldly towards the point, but -who never reach it, taking care to draw back in time before they -fairly cross the border. This is the kind which, as the flirt male, -does incalculable damage to the poor little fluttering dove to whom it -is as a bird of prey, handsome, bold, cruel; but this is the kind -which has unlimited success, using as it does that immense moral -leverage we call 'tantalizing'--for ever rousing hopes and exciting -expectations, and luring a woman on as an _ignis fatuus_ lures us -on across the marsh, in the vain belief that it will bring us to our -haven at last. - -Akin to this kind are those male flirts who are great in the way in -which they manage to insinuate things without committing themselves to -positive statements. They generally contrive to give the impression of -some mysterious hindrance by which they are held back from full and -frank confession. They hint at fatal bonds, at unfortunate -attachments, at a past that has burnt them up or withered them up, at -any rate that has prevented their future from blossoming in the -direction in which they would fain have had it blossom and bear fruit. -They sketch out vaguely the outlines of some thrilling romance; a few, -of the Byronic breed, add the suspicion of some dark and melancholy -crime as a further romantic charm and personal obstacle; and when they -have got the girl's pity, and the love that is akin to pity, then they -cool down scientifically, never creating any scandal, never making any -rupture, never coming to a moment when awkward explanations can be -asked, but cooling nevertheless, till the thing drops of its own -accord and dies out from inanition; when they are free to carry their -sorrows and their mysteries elsewhere. Some men spend their lives in -this kind of thing, and find their pleasure in making all the women -they know madly or sentimentally in love with them; and if by chance -any poor moth who has burned her wings makes too loud an outcry, -the tables are turned against her dexterously, and she is held up to -public pity--contempt would be a better word--as one who has suffered -herself to love too well and by no means wisely, and who has run after -a Lothario by no means inclined to let himself be caught. - -Then there are certain men who flirt only with married women, and -others who flirt only with girls; and the two pastimes are as -different as tropical sunlight and northern moonshine. And there are -some who are 'brothers,' and some who are 'fathers' to their young -friends--suspicious fathers on the whole, not unlike Little Red -Ridinghood's grandmother the wolf, with perilously bright eyes, and -not a little danger to Red Ridinghood in the relationship, how -delightful soever it may be to the wolf. Some are content with -cousinship only--which however breaks down quite sufficient fences; -and some are 'dearest friends,' no more, and find that an exceedingly -useful centre from which to work onward and outward. For, if any peg -will do on which to hang a discourse, so will any relationship or -adoption serve the ends of flirting, if it be so willed. - -But what is flirting? Is sitting away in corners, talking in low -voices and looking personally affronted if any unlucky outsider comes -within earshot, flirting? Not necessarily. It is just possible that -Henry may be telling Angelina all about his admiration for her sister -Grace; or Angelina may be confessing to Henry what Charley said to -her last night;--which makes her lower her eyes as she is doing now, -and play with the fringe of her fan so nervously. May be, if not -likely. So that sitting away in corners and whispering together is not -necessarily flirting, though it may look like it. Is dancing all the -'round' dances together? This goes for decided flirting in the code of -the ball-room. But if the two keep well together? If they are really -fond of dancing, as one of the fine arts combining science and -enjoyment, they would dance with each other all night, though outside -the 'marble halls' they might be deadly enemies--Montagues and -Capulets, with no echo of Romeo and Juliet to soften their mutual -dislike. So that not even dancing together oftener than is absolutely -necessary is unmistakeable evidence, any more than is sitting away in -corners, seeing that equal skill and keeping well in step are reasons -enough for perpetual partnership, making all idea of flirtation -unnecessary. In fact, there is no outward sign nor symbol of flirting -which may not be mistaken and turned round, because flirting is so -entirely in the intention and not in the mere formula, that it becomes -a kind of phantasm, a Proteus, impossible to seize or to depict with -accuracy. - -One thing however, we can say--taking gifts and attentions, offered -with evident design and accepted with tacit understanding, may be -certainly held as constituting an important element of flirting. But -this is flirting on the woman's side. And here you are being -continually taken in. Your flirt of the cunningly simple kind, -who smiles so sweetly and seems so flatteringly glad to see you when -you come, who takes all your presents and acted expressions of love -with the most bewitching gratitude and effusion, even she, so simple -as she seems to be, slips the thread and will not be caught if she -does not wish to be caught. At the decisive moment when you think you -have secured her, she makes a bound and is away; then turns round, -looks you in the face, and with many a tear and pretty asseveration -declares that she never understood you to mean what you say you have -meant all along; and that you are cruel to dispel her dream of a -pleasant and harmless friendship, and very wicked indeed because you -press her for a decision. Yes; you are cruel, because you have -believed her honest; cruel, because you did not see through the veil -of flattery and insincerity in which she clothed her selfishness; -cruel, because she was false. This is the flirt's logic when brought -to book, and forced to confess that her pretended love was only -flirting, and that she led you on to your destruction simply because -it pleased her vanity to make you her victim. - -Then there are flirts of the open and rollicking kind, who let you go -far, very far indeed, when suddenly they pull up and assume an -offended air as if you had wilfully transgressed known and absolute -boundaries--girls and women who lead you on, all in the way of good -fellowship, to knock you over when you have got just far enough to -lose your balance. That is their form of the art. They like to -see how far they can make a man forget himself, and how much stronger -their own delusive enticements are than prudence, experience and -common-sense. And there are flirts of the artful and 'still waters' -kind, something like the male flirts spoken of just now; sentimental -little pusses--perhaps pretty young wives with uncomfortable husbands, -whose griefs have by no means soured nor scorched, but just mellowed -and refined, them. Or they may be of the sisterly class; creatures so -very frank, so very sisterly and confiding and unsuspicious of evil, -that really you scarcely know how to deal with them at all. And there -are flirts of the scientific kind; women who have studied the art -thoroughly; and who are adepts in the use of every weapon known--using -each according to circumstances and the nature of the victim, and -using each with deadly precision. From such may a kind Providence -deliver us! As the tender mercies of the wicked, so are the scientific -flirts--the women and the men who play at bowls with human hearts, for -the stakes of a whole life's happiness on the one side and a few weeks -of gratified vanity on the other. - -It used to be an old schoolboy maxim that no real gentleman could be -refused by a lady, because no real gentleman could presume beyond his -line of encouragement. _À fortiori_, no lady would or could give more -encouragement than she meant. What are we to say then of our flirts if -this maxim be true? Are they really 'no gentlemen' and 'no ladies,' -according to the famous formula of the kitchen? Perhaps it would -be said so if gentlehood meant now, as it meant centuries ago, the -real worth and virtue of humanity. For flirting with intent is a -cruel, false, heartless amusement; and time was when cruelty and -falsehood were essentially sins which vitiated all claims to -gentlehood. And yet the world would be very dull without that innocent -kind of nonsense which often goes by the name of flirting--that -pleasant something which is more than mere acquaintanceship and less -than formal loverhood--that bright and animated intercourse which -makes the hours pass so easily, yet which leaves no bitter pang of -self-reproach--that indefinite and undefinable interest by which the -one man or the one woman becomes a kind of microcosm for the time, the -epitome of all that is pleasant and of all that is lovely. The only -caution to be observed is:--Do not go too far. - - - - -_SCRAMBLERS._ - - -There are people who are never what Northern housewives call -'straight'--people who seem to have been born in a scramble, who live -in a scramble, and who, when their time comes, will die in a scramble, -just able to scrawl their signature to a will that ought to have been -made years ago, and that does not embody their real intentions now. -Emphatically the Unready, they are never prepared for anything, -whether expected or unexpected; they make no plans more stable than -good intentions; and they neither calculate nor foresee. Everything -with them is hurry and confusion; not because they have more to do -than other people, but because they do it more loosely and less -methodically--because they have not learnt the art of dovetailing nor -the mystery of packing. Consequently half their pleasures and more -than half their duties slip through their fingers for want of the -knack of compact holding; and their lives are passed in trying to pick -up what they have let drop and in frantic endeavours to remedy their -mistakes. For scramblers are always making mistakes and going through -an endless round of forgetting. They never remember their -engagements, but accept in the blandest and frankest way imaginable -two or more invitations for the same day and hour, and assure you -quite seriously when, taught by experience, you push them hard and -probe them deep, that they have no engagement whatever on hand and are -certain not to fail you. In an evil hour you trust to them. When the -day comes they suddenly wake to the fact that they had accepted Mrs. -So-and-So's invitation before yours; and all you get for your empty -place and your careful arrangements ruthlessly upset, is a hurried -note of apology which comes perhaps in the middle of dinner, perhaps -sometime next day, when too late to be of use. - -If they forget their own engagements they also ignore yours, no matter -how distinctly you may have tabulated them; and are sure to come -rattling to your house on the day when you said emphatically you were -engaged and could not see them. If you keep to your programme and -refuse to admit them, more likely than not you affront them. -Engagements being in their eyes moveable feasts, which it does not in -the least degree signify whether they keep on the date set down or -not, they cannot understand your rigidity of purpose; and were it not -that as a tribe they are good-natured, and too fluid to hold even -annoyance for any length of time, you would in all probability have a -quarrel fastened on you because your scrambling friends chose to make -a calendar for themselves and to insist on your setting your diary by -it. - -As they ignore your appointed hours, so do they forget your -street and number. They always stick to your first card, though you -may have moved many times since it was printed, duly apprizing them of -each change as it occurred. That does not help you, for they never -note the changes of their friends' addresses, but keep loyally to the -first. It all comes to the same in the end, they say, and the postman -is cleverer than they. But they do not often trouble their friends -with letters on their own account, for they have a speciality for not -answering such as are written to them. When they do by chance answer -them, they never reply to the questions asked nor give the news -demanded. They do not even reply to invitations like other people, but -leave you to infer from their silence the acceptance or rejection they -are meditating. When they in their turn invite you, they generally -puzzle you by mismatching the day of the week with the date of the -month, leaving you tormented with doubt which you are to go by; and -they forget to give you the hour. Besides this, they write an -illegible hand; and they are famous for the blots they make and the -Queen's heads they omit. - -A scrambling wife is no light cross to a man who values order and -regularity as part of his home life. She may be, and probably is, the -best-tempered creature in the world--a peevish scrambler would be too -unendurable--but a fresh face, bright eyes and a merry laugh do not -atone for never-ending disorder and discomfort. This kind of thing -does not depend on income and is not to be remedied by riches. The -households where my lady has nothing to do but let her maid keep -her to the hours she herself has appointed are just as uncomfortable -in their way as poorer establishments, if my lady is a scrambler, and -cannot be taught method and the value of holding on by the forelock. -Sometimes my lady gets herself into such an inextricable coil of -promises and engagements, all crossing each other, that in despair she -takes to her bed and gives herself out as ill, and so cuts what she -cannot untie. People wonder at her sudden indisposition, looking as -she did only yesterday in the bloom of health; and they wonder at her -radiant reappearance in a day or two without a trace of even languor -upon her. They do not know that her retirement was simply a version of -the famous rope trick, and that, like the Brothers Davenport, she went -into the dark to shake herself free of the cords with which she had -suffered herself to be bound. It is a short and easy method certainly, -but it has rather too much of the echo of 'Wolf' in it to bear -frequent repetition. - -In houses of a lower grade, where the lady is her own housekeeper, the -habit of scrambling of course leads to far greater and more manifest -confusion. The servants catch from the mistress the trick of -overstaying time; and punctuality at last comes to mean an elastic -margin, where fixed duties and their appointed times appear -cometically at irregular intervals. The cook is late with dinner; the -coachman begins to put-to a little after the hour he was ordered -to be at the door; but they know that, however late they are, the -chances are ten to one their mistress will not be ready for them, and -that in her heart she will be grateful to them for the shelter their -own unpunctuality affords her. This being so, they take their time and -dawdle at their pleasure; thus adding to the pressure which always -comes at the end of the scrambler's day, when everything is thrown -into a chaotic mass and nothing comes out straight or complete. - -Did any one ever know a scrambling woman ready at the moment in her -own house? That she should be punctual to any appointment out of her -house is, of course, not to be thought of; but she makes an awkward -thing of it sometimes at home. Her guests are often all assembled, and -the dinner hour has struck, before she has torn off one gown and -dragged on another. What she cannot tie she pins; and her pins are -many and demonstrative. She wisps up her hair, not having left herself -time to braid it; and the consequence is that before she has been half -an hour in the room ends and tails are sure to stray playfully from -their fastenings and come tumbling about her ears. Her jewels are -mismatched, her colours ill-assorted, her belt is awry, her bouquet -falling to pieces. She rushes into the drawing-room in her morning -slippers, smiling and good-tempered, with a patch-work look about -her--something forgotten in her attire that makes her whole appearance -shaky and unfinished--fastening her last button or clasping on -her first bracelet. She is full of regrets and excuses delivered in -her joyous, buoyant manner, or in a voice so winning, an accent so -coaxing, that you cannot be annoyed. Besides, you leave the annoyance -to her husband, who is sure to have in reserve a pickle quite -sufficiently strong for the inevitable rod, as the poor scrambler -knows too well. All you can do is to accept her apologies with a good -grace, and to carry away with you a vivid recollection of an awkward -half-hour, a spoilt dinner, and a scrambling hostess all abroad and -out of time, sweeping through the room very heated, very -good-tempered, only half-dressed and chronically out of breath. - -Scramblers can never learn the value of money, neither for themselves -nor for others. They are famous for borrowing small sums which they -forget to return; but, to do them justice, they are just as willing to -lend what they never dream of asking for again. Long ago they caught -hold of the fact that money is only a circulating medium, and they -have added an extra speed to the circulation at which slower folk -stand aghast. To be sure, the practical results of their theory are -not very satisfactory, and the confusion between the possessive -pronouns which distinguishes their financial catechism is apt to lead -to unpleasant issues. - -Scrambling women are especially notorious for the way in which they -set themselves afloat without sufficient means to carry them on; -finding themselves stranded in mid-career because they have made -no calculations and have forgotten the rule of subtraction. They find -themselves at a small Italian town, say, where the virtues of the -British banking system are unknown, and where their letters of credit -and circular notes are not worth more than the value of the paper they -are written on. More than one British matron of respectable condition -and weak arithmetic has found herself in such a plight as this, with -her black-eyed landlord perfectly civil and well-bred, but as firm as -a rock in his resolution that the Signora shall not depart out of his -custody till his little account is paid--a plight out of which she has -to scramble the best way she can, with the loss perhaps of a little -dignity and of more repute--at least in the locality where her solid -scudi gave out and her precious paper could not be cashed. This is the -same woman who offers an omnibus conductor a sovereign for a -three-penny fare; who gives the village grocer a ten-pound note for a -shilling's-worth of sugar; and who, when she comes up to London for a -day's shopping, and has got her last parcel made up and ready to be -put into her cab, finds she has not left herself half enough money to -pay for it--with a shopman whose faith in human nature is by no means -lively, and who only last week was bitten by a lady swindler of -undeniable manners and appearance, and not very unlike herself. She -has been known too, to go into a confectioner's and, after having made -an excellent luncheon, to find to her dismay that she has left -her purse in the pocket of her other dress at home, and that she has -not six-pence about her. In fact there is not an equivocal position in -which forgetfulness, want of method, want of foresight, and all the -other characteristics which make up scrambling in the concrete, can -place her, in which she has not been at some time or other. But no -experience teaches her; the scrambler she was born, the scrambler she -will die, and to the last will tumble through her life, all her ends -flying and deprecating excuses on her lips. - -Scramblers are notoriously great for making promises, and as notorious -for not performing what they promise. Kindhearted as they are in -general, and willing to do their friends a service--going out of their -way indeed to proffer kindnesses quite beyond your expectations and -the range of their duties towards you, and always undertaking works of -supererogation; which works in fact lead to more than half their -normal scramble--they forget the next hour the promise on which you -have based your dearest hopes. Or, if they do not forget it, they find -it is crowded out of time by a multitude of engagements and prior -promises, of all of which they were innocently oblivious when they -offered to do your business so frankly, and swore so confidently they -would set about it now at once and get it out of hand without delay. -The oath and the offer which you took to be as sure as the best -chain-cable, you will find on trial to be only a rope of sand that -could not bind so much as a bunch of tow together, still less -hold the anchor of a life; and many a heart, sick with hope deferred -and wrung with the disappointment which might have been so easily -prevented, has been half broken before now from the anguish that has -followed on the failure of the kindhearted scrambler to perform the -promise voluntarily made, and the service earnestly pressed on a -reluctant acceptor. - -This is the tragic side of the scrambler's career, the shadow thrown -by almost every one of the class. For all the minor delinquencies of -hurry and unpunctuality in social affairs it is not difficult to find -full and ample forgiveness; but when it comes to untrustworthiness in -graver matters, then the scrambler becomes a scourge instead of only -an inconvenience. The only safe way of dealing with the class is to -take them when we can get hold of them, and to accept them for what -they are worth; but not to rely on them, and not to attempt any -mortising of our own affairs with their promises. They are the froth -and foam of society, pretty and pleasant enough in the sunlight as -they splash and splutter about the rocks; but they are not the deep -waters which bear the burden of our ships and by which the life of the -world is maintained. - - - - -_FLATTERY._ - - -Nothing is so delightful as flattery. To hear and believe pleasant -fictions about oneself is a temptation too seductive for weak mortals -to resist, as the typical legends of all mythologies and the private -histories of most individuals show; in consequence of which, home -truths, to one used to ideal portraiture, come like draughts of -'bitter cup' to the dram-drinker. And flattery is dram-drinking; and -yet not quite without good uses to balance its undeniable evil, if it -be only exaggeration and not wholly falsehood; that is, if it assumes -as a matter of course the presence of virtues potential to your -character but not always active, and praises you for what you might be -if you chose to live up to your best. Many a weak brother and weaker -sister, and all children, can be heartened into goodness by a little -dash of judicious praise or flattery where ponderous exhortation and -grave reproof would fail; just as a heavily-laden horse can be coaxed -up-hill when the whip and spur would lead to untimely jibbing. If, on -the contrary, the flattery is of a kind that makes you believe -yourself an exceptionally fine fellow when you are only 'mean -trash'--a king of men when you are nothing better nor nobler than a -moral nigger--making you satisfied with yourself when at your -worst--then it is an unmitigated evil; for it then becomes -dram-drinking of a very poisonous kind, which sooner or later does for -your soul what unlimited blue ruin does for your body. But this is -what we generally mean when we speak of flattery; and this is the kind -which has such a deservedly bad name from moralists of all ages. - -The flatteries of men to women, and those of women to men, are very -different in kind and direction. Men flatter women for what they -are--for their beauty, their grace, their sweetness, their -charmingness in general; while a woman will flatter a man for what he -does--for his speech in the House last night, of which she understands -little; for his book, of which she understands less; or for his -pleading, of which she understands nothing at all. Not that this -signifies much on either side. The most unintellectual little woman in -the world has brains enough to look up in your face sweetly, and -breathe out something that sounds like 'beautiful--charming--so -clever,' vaguely sketching the outline of a hymn of praise to which -your own vanity supplies the versicles. For you must have an -exceptionally strong head if you can rate the sketch at its real value -and see for yourself how utterly meaningless it is. - -You may be the most mystical poet of the day, suggesting to your -acutest readers grave doubts as to your own power of comprehending -yourself; or you may be the most subtle metaphysician, to follow -whom in your labyrinth of reasoning requires perhaps the rarest -order of brains to be met with; but you will nevertheless believe -any narrow-browed, small-headed woman who tells you in a low sweet -voice, with a gentle uplifting of her eyes and a suggestive curve -of her lip, that she has found you both intelligible and charming, -and that she quite agrees with you and shares your every sentiment. -If she further tells you that all her life long she has thought in -exactly the same way but was wholly unable to express herself, and -that you have now supplied her want and translated into words her -vague ideas, and if she says this with a reverential kind of -effusiveness, you are done for, so far as your critical power goes; -and should some candid friend, whom she has not flattered, tell you -with brutal frankness that your bewitching little flatterer has -neither the brains nor the education to understand you, you will set -him down as a slanderer, spiteful and malignant, and call his candour -envy because he has not been so lucky as yourself. - -The most subtle form of flattery is that which asks your advice with -the pretence of needing it--your advice, particularly--yours above -that of all other persons, as the wisest, best, most useful to be -obtained. This too is a form that belongs rather to women in their -relations with men than the converse; though sometimes men will -pretend to want a woman's advice about their love affairs, and -will perhaps make-believe to be guided by it. Not unfrequently, -however, asking one woman's opinion and advice about another is a -masked manner of love-making on its own account; though sometimes it -may be done for flattery only, when there are reasons. Of course not -all advice-asking is flattery; but when intended only to please and -not meant to be genuine, it is perhaps one of the most potent -instruments of the art to be met with. - -But if seeking advice be the most subtle form of flattery, the most -intoxicating is that which pretends to moral elevation or reform by -your influence. The reformation of a rake is a work which no woman -alive could be found to resist if the rake offered it to her as his -last chance of salvation; and to lead a pretty sinner back to the ways -of picturesque virtue by his own influence only is a temptation to -self-reliance which no man could refuse--a flattery which not Diogenes -nor Zeno himself could see through. The pretensions of any one else -would be laughed at cruelly enough; but this is one of the things -where personal experience and critical judgment never go in harness -together--one of the manifestations of flattery which would overcome -the calmest and bewilder the wisest. - -Priests of all denominations are especially open to this kind of -flattery; not only from pretty sinners who have gone openly out of the -right line, but from quite comely and respectable maids and matrons -who have lived blamelessly so far as the broad moral distinctions -go, yet who have not lived the Awakened Life until roused thereunto by -this peculiarly favoured minister. It is a tremendous trial of a man's -discernment when such flattery is offered to him. How much of this -pretended awakening is real? How much of this sudden spiritual insight -is true, and not a mere phrasing, artfully adopted for pleasantness -only? These are the cases where we most want that famous spear of -Ithuriel to help us to a right estimate, for they are beyond the power -of any ordinary man to determine. - -But if priests are subject to these delusions of flattery on the one -hand, they know how to practise them on the other. Take away the -flattery which, mingled with occasional rebuke, forms the great -ministerial spur, and both Revivalism and Ritualism would flag like -flowers without 'the gentle dews.' Scolded for their faults in dress, -for their vanity, extravagance and other feminine vices, are not women -also flattered as the favourites of heaven and of the Church? Are they -not told that they are the lilies of the ecclesiastical garden? the -divinely appointed missionaries for the preservation of virtue and -godly truth in the world? without whom the coarser race of men would -be given over to inconceivable spiritual evil, to infidelity and all -immorality. We may be very sure of this, that if humanity, and -especially feminine humanity, were not flattered as well as chastened, -clerical influence would not last for a day. - -There is one kind of flattery which is common to both men and women, -and that is the expressed preference of sex. Thus, when men want to -flatter women, they say how infinitely they prefer their society to -that of their own sex; and women will say the same to men. Or, if they -do not say it, they will act it. See a set of women congregated -together without the light of a manly countenance among them. They may -talk to each other certainly; and one or two will sit away together -and discuss their private affairs with animation; but the great mass -of them are only half vitalized while waiting the advent of the men to -rouse them into life and the desire to please. No man who goes up -first from the dinner-table, and earlier than he was expected, can -fail to see the change which comes over those wearied, limp, -indifferent-looking faces and figures so soon as he enters the room. -He is like the prince whose kiss woke up the Sleeping Beauty and all -her court; and can any one say that this is not flattery of the most -delightful kind? To be the Pygmalion even for a moment, and for the -weakest order of soul-giving, is about the greatest pleasure that a -man can know, if he be susceptible to the finer kinds of flattery. - -Some women indeed, not only show their preference for men, but openly -confess it, and confess at the same time to a lofty contempt or -abhorrence for the society of women. These are generally women who -are, or have been, beauties; or who have literary and intellectual -pretensions; or who despise babies and contemn housekeeping, and -profess themselves unable to talk to other women because of their -narrowness and stupidity. But for the most part they are women who, by -their beauty or their position, have been used to receive extra -attention from men; and thus their preference is not flattery so much -as _exigence_. Women who have been in India, or wherever else they are -in the minority in society, are of this kind; and nothing is more -amazing to them when they first come home than the attentions which a -certain style of Englishwoman pays to men, instead of demanding and -receiving attentions from them. - -There are also those sweet, humble, caressing women who flatter you -with every word and look, but whose flattery is nothing but a pretty -dress put on for show and taken off when the show is done with. -Anything serves for an occasion with these people. Why, the way in -which certain unmarried women will caress a child before you is an -implied flattery; and they know it. If only they would be careful to -carry these pretty ante-nuptial ways into the home where nothing is to -be gained by them but a humdrum husband's happiness! But too often the -woman whose whole attitude was one of flattering devotion before her -end was gained, gives up every shred of that which she had in such -profusion, when she has attained her object, and lets the home go bare -of that which was so beautiful and seductive in the ball-room and the -flirting corner. - -Some men however, want more home flattery to keep them tolerably happy -and up to the mark than any woman with a soul to be saved by truth can -give. Poets and artists are of this kind--men who literally live on -praise, without which they droop and can do nothing. With them it is -absolutely necessary that the people with whom they are associated -should be of appreciative and sympathetic natures; but the burden -comes heavy when they want, as they generally do, so much more than -this. For, in truth, they want flattery in excess of sympathy; and if -they do not get it they hold themselves as the victims of an unkind -fate, and fill the world with the echo of their woes. This is -nine-tenths of the cause why great geniuses are so often unhappy in -married life. They demand more incessant flattery than can be kept up -by one woman, unless she has not only an exceptional power of love but -also an exceptional power of self-suppression. They think that by -virtue of their genius they are entitled to a Benjamin's mess of -devotion double that given to other men; and when they get only -Judah's share, they cry out that they are ill-used, and make the world -think them ill-used as well. - -But though a little home flattery helps the home life immeasurably, -and greases the creaking domestic wheels more than anything else can, -a great deal is just the most pernicious thing that can be offered. -The belief prevalent in some families that all the very small and -commonplace members thereof are the world's wonders and greater -than any one else--that no one is so clever as Harry, no one so pretty -as Julia, that Amy's red hair is of a more brilliant gold than can be -found elsewhere, and Edward's mathematical abilities about equal to -Newton's--this belief, nourished and acted on, is sure to turn out an -insufferable collection of prigs and self-conceited damsels who have -to be brought down innumerable pegs before they find their own level. -But we often see this; especially in country places where there is not -much society to give a standard for comparative measurement; and we -know that those fond parents and doting relations are blindly and -diligently sowing seeds of bitterness for a future harvest of sorrow -for their darlings. These young people must be made to suffer if they -are to be of any good whatever in the world; and finding their level, -after the exalted position which they have been supposed to fill so -long, and being pelted with the unsavoury missiles of truth in -exchange for all the incense of flattery to which they have been used, -will be suffering enough. But it has to be gone through; this being -one of the penalties to which the unwisdom of love so often subjects -its objects. - -The flattery met with in society is not often very harmful save to -coarse or specially simple natures. You must be either one or the -other to be able to believe it. Lady Morgan was perhaps the most -unblushing and excessive of the tribe of social flatterers; but that -was her engine, the ladder by which she did a good part of her -climbing. We must not confound with this kind of flattery the -impulsive expression of praise or love which certain outspoken people -indulge in to the last. You may as well try to dam up Niagara as to -make some folks reticent of their thoughts and feelings. And when one -of this kind sees anything that he or she likes, the praise has to -come out, with superlatives if the creature be prone to exaggeration. -But this is not flattery; it is merely a certain childlike -expansiveness which lasts with some into quite old age. Unfortunately, -very few understand this childlike expansiveness when they see it. -Hence it subjects its possessor to misrepresentation and unfriendly -jibes, so soon as his or her back is turned, and the explosion of -exaggerated but perfectly sincere praise is discussed critically by -the uninterested part of the audience. - - - - -_LA FEMME PASSÉE._ - - -Without doubt it is a time of trial to all women, more or less painful -according to individual disposition, when they first begin to grow old -and lose their good looks. Youth and beauty make up so much of their -personal value, so much of their natural final cause, that when these -are gone many feel as if their whole career were at an end, and as if -nothing were left to them now that they are no longer young enough to -be loved as girls are loved, or pretty enough to be admired as mature -sirens are admired. For women of a certain position have so little -wholesome occupation, and so little ambition for anything save indeed -that miserable thing called 'getting on in society,' that they cannot -change their way of life with advancing years. Hence they do not -attempt to find interest in things outside themselves, and independent -of the personal attractiveness which in youth constituted their whole -pleasure of existence. - -This is essentially the case with fashionable women, who have staked -their all on appearance, and to whom good looks are of more account -than noble deeds; and, accordingly, the struggle to remain young -is a frantic one with them, and as degrading as it is frantic. - -With the ideal woman of middle age--that pleasant She with her calm -face and soft manner, who unites the charms of both epochs, retaining -the ready responsiveness of youth while adding the wider sympathies of -experience--with her there has been no such struggle to make herself -an anachronism. Consequently she remains beautiful to the last--far -more beautiful than all the pastes and washes in Madame Rachel's shop -could make her. Sometimes, if rarely in these latter days, we meet her -in society, where she carries with her an atmosphere of her own--an -atmosphere of honest, wholesome truth and love, which makes every one -who enters it better and purer for the time. All children and all -young persons love her, because she understands and loves them. For -she is essentially a mother--that is, a woman who can forget herself; -who can give without asking to receive; and who, without losing any of -the individualism which belongs to self-respect, can yet live for and -in the lives of others, and find her best joy in the well-being of -those about her. There is no exaggerated sacrifice in this; it is -simply the fulfilment of woman's highest duty--the expression of that -grand maternal instinct which need not necessarily include the fact of -personal maternity, but which, with all women worthy of the name, must -find utterance in some line of unselfish action. - -The ideal woman of middle age understands the young because she has -lived with them. If a mother, she has performed her maternal duties -with cheerfulness and love. There has been no giving up her nursery to -the care of a hired servant who is expected to do for so many pounds a -year things which the tremendous instinct of a mother's love could not -find strength to do. When she had children, she attended to them in -great part herself, and learnt all about their tempers, their -maladies, and the best methods of management. As they grew up she was -still the best friend they had--the Providence of their young lives -who gave them both care and justice, both love and guidance. Such a -manner of life has forced her to forget herself. When her child lay -ill, perhaps dying, she had no heart and no time to think of her own -appearance, and whether this dressing-gown was more becoming than -that: and what did the doctor think of her with her hair pushed back -from her face?--and what a fright she must have looked in the morning -light after her sleepless night of watching! The world and all its -petty pleasures and paltry pains faded away in the presence of the -stern tragedy of the hour; and not the finest ball of the season -seemed to be worth a thought compared to the all-absorbing question of -whether her child slept after his draught and whether he ate his food -with better appetite. And such a life, in spite of all its cares, has -kept her young as well as unselfish; we should rather say, young -because unselfish. As she comes into the room with her daughters, -her kindly face unpolluted by paint, her dress picturesque or -fashionable according to her taste, but decent in form and consistent -in tone with her age, it is often remarked that she looks more like -the sister than the mother of her girls. This is because she is in -harmony with her age, and has not therefore put herself in rivalry -with them; and harmony is the very keystone of beauty. Her hair is -thickly streaked with white; the girlish firmness and transparency of -her skin have gone; the pearly clearness of her eye is clouded; the -slender grace of line is lost--but for all that she is beautiful, and -she is intrinsically young. What she has lost in outside material -charm--in that mere _beauté du diable_ of youth--she has gained in -character and expression; and by not attempting to simulate the -attractiveness of a girl, she keeps what nature gave her--the -attractiveness of middle age. And as every epoch has its own -beauty--if women would but learn that truth--she is as beautiful now -as a matron of fifty, because in harmony with her years, as she was -when a maiden of sixteen. - -This is the ideal woman of middle age, met with even yet at times in -society--the woman whom all men respect; whom all women envy, and -wonder how she does it; and whom all the young adore, and wish they -had for an elder sister or an aunt. And the secret of it all lies in -truth, in love, in purity, and in unselfishness. - -Standing far apart from this sweet and wholesome idealization is _la -femme passée_ of to-day--the reality as we meet with it at balls and -fêtes and afternoon At Homes, ever foremost in the mad chase after -pleasure, for which alone she seems to think she has been sent into -the world. Dressed in the extreme of youthful fashion; her thinning -hair dyed and crimped and fired till it is more like red-brown tow -than hair; her flaccid cheeks ruddled; her throat whitened; her bust -displayed with unflinching generosity--as if beauty is to be measured -by cubic inches; her lustreless eyes blackened round the lids, to give -the semblance of limpidity to the tarnished whites; perhaps the pupils -dilated by belladonna; perhaps a false and fatal brilliancy for the -moment given by opium, or by eau de cologne, of which she has a store -in her carriage, and drinks as she passes from ball to ball; no kindly -drapery of lace nor of gauze to conceal the breadth of her robust -maturity, to soften the dreadful shadows of her leanness--there she -stands, the wretched creature who will not consent to grow old, and -who still affects to be a fresh coquettish girl when she is nothing -but _la femme passée--la femme passée et ridicule_ into the bargain. - -There is not a folly for which even the thoughtlessness of youth is -but a poor excuse into which she, in all the plenitude of her abundant -experience, does not plunge. Wife and mother as she may be, she flirts -and makes love as if an honourable issue were as open to her as to her -young daughter; or as if she did not know to what end flirting -and making love lead in all ages. If we watch the career of such a -woman, we see how, by slow but very sure degrees, she is obliged to -lower the standard of her adorers, and to take up at last with men of -inferior social position, who are content to buy her patronage by -their devotion. To the best men of her own class she can give nothing -that they value; so she barters with snobs, who go into the -transaction with their eyes open, and take the whole affair as a -matter of exchange, and _quid pro quo_ rigidly exacted. Or she does -really dazzle some very young and low-born man who is weak as well as -ambitious, and who thinks the fugitive regard of a middle-aged woman -of high rank something to be proud of and boasted about. That she is -as old as his own mother--at this moment selling tapes behind a -village counter, or gathering up the eggs in a country farm--tells -nothing against the association with him; and the woman who began her -career of flirtation with the son of a duke ends it with the son of a -shopkeeper, having between these two terms spanned all the several -degrees of degradation which lie between giving and buying. She cannot -help herself; for it is part of the insignia of her artificial youth -to have the reputation of a love-affair, or the pretence of one, even -if the reality be a mere delusion. When such a woman as this is one of -the matrons, and consequently one of the leaders of society, what can -we expect from the girls? What worse example could be given to -the young? When we see her with her own daughters we feel -instinctively that she is the most disastrous adviser they could have; -and when in the company of girls or young married women not belonging -to her, we doubt whether we ought not to warn their natural guardians -against allowing such association, for all that her standing in -society is undeniable, and not a door is shut against her. - -What good in life does this kind of woman do? All her time is taken -up, first in trying to make herself look twenty or thirty years -younger than she is, and then in trying to make others believe the -same. She has neither thought nor energy to spare from this, to her, -far more important work than is feeding the hungry or nursing the -sick, rescuing the fallen or soothing the sorrowful. The final cause -of her existence seems to be the impetus she has given to a certain -branch of trade manufacture--unless we add to this, the corruption of -society. For whom, but for her, are the 'little secrets' which are -continually being advertised as woman's social salvation--regardless -of grammar? The 'eaux noire, brun, et châtain, which dyes the hair any -shade in one minute;' the 'kohl for the eyelids;' the 'blanc de -perle,' and 'rouge de Lubin'--which does not wash off; the 'bleu pour -les veines;' the 'rouge of eight shades,' and 'the sympathetic blush,' -which are cynically offered for the use and adoption of our mothers -and daughters, find their chief patroness in the _femme passée_ who -makes herself up--the middle-aged matron engaged in her frantic -struggle against time, and obstinately refusing to grow old in spite -of all that nature may say or do. Bad as the Girl of the Period is, -this horrible travesty of her vices in the modern matron is even -worse. Indeed, were it not for her, the girls would never have gone to -such lengths as those to which they have gone; for elder women -naturally have immense influence over younger ones, and if mothers -were resolutely to set their faces against the follies of the day, -daughters would and must give in. As it is, some go even ahead of the -young, and, by example on the one hand and rivalry on the other, sow -the curse of corruption broadcast where they were meant to have only a -pure influence and to set a wise example. Were it not for those who -still remain faithful--women who regard themselves as the trustees for -humanity and virtue--the world would go to ruin forthwith; but so long -as the five righteous are left we have hope and a certain amount of -security for the future, when the present disgraceful madness of -society shall have passed away. - - - - -_SPOILT WOMEN._ - - -Like children and all soft things, women are soon spoilt if subjected -to unwholesome conditions. Sometimes the spoiling comes from -over-harshness, sometimes from over-indulgence; what we are speaking -of to-day is the latter condition--the spoiling which comes from being -petted and given way to and indulged, till they think themselves -better than everybody else, and living under laws made specially for -them. Men get spoilt too in the same manner; but for the most part -there is a tougher fibre in them which resists the flabby influences -of flattery and exaggerated attention better than can the morale of -the weaker sex; besides, even arbitrary men meet with opposition in -certain directions, and the most self-contented social autocrat knows -that his adherents criticize though they dare not oppose. - -A man who has been spoilt by success and a gratified ambition, so that -he thinks himself a small Alexander in his own way and able to conquer -any obstacles which may present themselves, has a certain high-handed -activity of will about him that does not interfere with his duties in -life; he is not made fretful and impatient and exigeant as a -woman is--as if he alone of all mankind ought to be exempt from -misfortunes and annoyances; as if his friends must never die, his -youth never fade, his circumstances run always smooth, protected by -the care of others from all untoward hitch; as if time and tide, which -wait for no one else, are bound to him as humble servants dutifully -observant of his wishes. The useful art of finding his level, which he -learnt at school and in his youth generally, keeps him from any very -weak manifestation of being spoilt; save indeed, when he has been -spoilt by women at home, nursed up by an adoring wife and a large -circle of wife's sisters almost as adoring, to all of whom his -smallest wishes are religious obligations and his faintest virtues -godly graces, and who vie with each other which of them shall wait -upon him most servilely, flatter him most outrageously, coax and -coddle him most entirely, and so do him the largest amount of -spiritual damage, and unfit him most thoroughly for the worth and work -of masculine life. A man subjected to this insidious injury is simply -ruined so far as any real manliness of nature goes. He is made into -that sickening creature, 'a sweet being,' as the women call him--a -woman's man with æsthetic tastes and a turn for poetry; full of -highflown sentiment and morbid sympathies; a man almost as much woman -as man, who has no backbone of useful ambition in him, but who puts -his whole life into love, and who becomes at last emphatically not -worth his salt. - -Bad as it is for men of the world to be kowtowed to by men, it is not -so bad, because not so weakening, as the domestic idolatry which -sometimes goes on when one man is the centre of a large family of -women, and the only object upon which the natural feminine instinct -can expend itself. No greater damage can be done to a man than is done -by this kind of domestic idolatry. But, in truth, the evil is too -pleasant to be resisted; and there is scarcely a man so far master of -himself as to withstand the subtle intoxication, the sweet and -penetrating poison, of woman's tender flattery and loving submission. -To a certain extent he holds it so entirely the right thing, because -it is natural and instinctive, that it is difficult to draw the line -and map out exactly the division between right and wrong, pleasantness -and harmfulness, and where loving submission ends and debasing -slavishness begins. - -Spoilt women are spoilt mainly from a like cause: over-attention from -men. A few certainly are to be found, as pampered daughters, with -indulgent mammas and subservient aunts given up to ruining their young -charges with the utmost despatch possible; but this is comparatively a -rare form of the disease, and one which a little wholesome matrimonial -discipline would soon cure. For it is seldom that a petted daughter -becomes a spoilt wife--human affairs having that marvellous power of -equation, that inevitable tendency to readjust the balance, which -prevents the continuance of a like excess under different forms. -Besides, a spoilt daughter generally makes such a supremely unpleasant -wife that the husband has no inducement to continue the mistake, and -therefore either lowers her tone by a judicious exhibition of -snubbing, or, if she be aggressive as well as unpleasant, leaves her -to fight with her shadows in the best way she can, glad for his own -part to escape the strife she will not forego. - -The spoilt woman is impatient of anything like rivalry. She never has -a female friend--certainly not one of her own degree, and not one at -all in the true sense of the word. Friendship presupposes equality; -and a spoilt woman knows no equality. She has been so long accustomed -to consider herself as lady-paramount that she cannot understand it if -any one steps in to share her honours and divide her throne. To praise -the beauty of any other woman, to find her charming, and to pay her -the attention due to a charming woman, is to insult our spoilt -darling, and to slight her past forgiveness. If there is only one good -thing, it must be given to her--the first seat, the softest cushion, -the most protected situation; and she looks for the best of all things -as if naturally consecrated from her birth to the sunshine of life, -and as if the 'cold shade' which may do for others were by no means -the portion allotted to her. - -It is almost impossible to make the spoilt woman understand the grace -or the glory of sacrifice. By rare good fortune she may sometimes be -found to possess an indestructible germ of conscience which -sorrow and necessity can develop into active good; but only sometimes. -The spoilt woman _par excellence_ understands only her own value, only -her own merits and the absolutism of her own requirements; and -sacrifice, self-abnegation, and the whole class of virtues belonging -to unselfishness, are as much unknown to her as is the Decalogue in -the original, or the squaring of the circle. The spoilt woman, as the -wife of an unsuccessful husband or the mother of sickly children, is a -pitiable spectacle. If obliged to sacrifice her usual luxuries, to -make an old gown serve when a new one is desired, to sit up all night -watching by the sick-bed, to witness the painful details of illness, -perhaps of death, to meet hardship face to face and to bend her back -to the burden of sorrow, she is at the first absolutely lost. Not the -thing to be done, but her own discomfort in doing it, is the one -master idea--not others' needs, but her own pain in supplying them, is -the great grief of the moment. Many are the hard lessons set us by -life and fate, but the hardest of all is that given to the spoilt -woman when she is made to think for others rather than for herself, -and is forced by the exigencies of circumstances to sacrifice her own -ease for the greater necessities of her kind. - -All that large part of the true woman's nature which expresses itself -in serving is an unknown function to the spoilt woman. She must be -waited on, but she cannot in her turn serve even the one she loves. -She is the woman who calls her husband from one end of the room -to the other to put down her cup, rather than reach out her arm and -put it down for herself; who, however weary he may be, will bid him -get up and ring the bell, though it is close to her own hand, and her -longest walk during the day has been from the dining-room to the -drawing-room. It is not that she cannot do these small offices for -herself, but that she likes the feeling of being waited on; and it is -not for love, and the amiable if weak pleasure of attracting the -notice of the beloved, but it is for the vanity of being a little -somebody for the moment, and of playing off the small regality -involved in the procedure, that she claims his attention. She would -not return that attention. Unlike the Eastern women, who wait on their -lords hand and foot, and who place their highest honour in their -lowliest service, the spoilt woman of Western life knows nothing of -the natural grace of womanly serving for love, for grace, or for -gratitude. - -This kind of thing is peculiarly strong among the _demi-monde_ of the -higher class, and among women who are of the _demi-monde_ by nature. -The respect they cannot command by their virtues they demand in the -simulation of manner; and perhaps no women are more tenacious of the -outward forms of deference than those who have lost their claim to the -vital reality. It is very striking to see the difference between the -women of this type, the _petites maîtresses_ who require the utmost -attention and almost servility from man, and the noble dignity of -service which the pure woman can afford to give--which she finds -indeed, that it belongs to the very purity and nobleness of her -womanhood to give. It is the old story of the ill-assured position -which is afraid of its own weakness, and the security which can afford -to descend--the rule holding good for other things besides mere social -place. - -Another characteristic of the spoilt woman is the changeableness and -excitability of her temper. All suavity and gentleness and delightful -gaiety and perfect manners when everything goes right, she startles -you by her outburst of petulance when the first cross comes. If no man -is a hero to his valet, neither is a spoilt woman a heroine to her -maid; and the lady who has just been the charm of the drawing-room, -upstairs in her boudoir makes her maid go through spiritual exercises -to which walking among burning ploughshares is easy-going. A length of -lace unstarched, a ribbon unsewed, a flower set awry, anything that -crumples one of the myriad rose-leaves on which she lies, and the -spoilt woman raves as much as if each particular leaf had become -suddenly a bunch of thorns. If a dove were to be transformed to a hawk -the change would not be more complete, more startling, than that which -occurs when the spoilt woman of well-bred company manners puts off her -mask to her maid, and shows her temper over trifles. Whoever else may -suffer the grievances of life, she cannot understand that she also -must be at times one of the sufferers with the rest; and if by -chance the bad moment comes, the person accompanying it has a hard -time of it. - -There are spoilt women also who have their peculiar exercises in -thought and opinion, and who cannot suffer that any one should think -differently from themselves, or find those things sacred which to them -are accursed. They will hear nothing but what is in harmony with -themselves; and they take it as a personal insult when men or women -attempt to reason with them, or even hold their own without flinching. -This kind is to be found specially among the more intellectual of a -family or a circle--women who are pronounced clever by their friends, -and who have been so long accustomed to think themselves clever that -they have become spoilt mentally as others are personally, and fancy -that minds and thoughts must follow in their direction, just as eyes -and hands must follow and attend their sisters. The spoilt woman of -the mental kind is a horrid nuisance generally. She is greatly given -to large discourse. But discourse of a kind that leans all to one -side, and that denies the right of any one to criticize, doubt, or -contradict, is an intellectual Tower of Pisa under the shadow of which -it is not pleasant to live. - - - - -_DOVECOTS._ - - -Times must be very bad indeed if a faithful few are not still left to -keep the sources of society sweet and wholesome. When corruption has -gone through the whole mass and all classes are bad alike, everything -comes to an end, and there is a general overthrow of national life; -but while some are left pure and unspotted, we are not quite undone, -and we may reasonably hope for better days in the future. In the midst -of the reign of the Girl of the Period, with her slang and her -boldness--of the fashionable woman, with her denial of duty and her -madness for pleasure--we come every now and then upon a group of good -girls of the real old English type; the faithful few growing up -silently among us, but none the less valuable because they are silent -and make no public display; doves who are content with life as they -have it in the dovecot, and have no desire to be either eagles -dwelling on romantic heights, or peacocks displaying their pride in -sunny courts. We find these faithful few in town and country alike; -but they are rifest in the country, where there is less temptation to -go wrong than there is in the large towns, and where life is -simpler and the moral tone undeniably higher. The leading feature of -these girls is their love of home and of their own family, and their -power of making occupation and happiness out of apparently meagre -materials. If they are the elders, they find amusement and interest in -their little brothers and sisters, whom they consider immensely funny -and to whom they are as much girl-mothers as sisters; if they are the -youngers, they idolize their baby nephews and nieces. For there is -always a baby going on somewhere about these houses--babies being the -great excitement of home-life, and the antiseptic element among women -which keeps everything else pure. They are passionately attached to -papa and mamma, whom they think the very king and queen of humanity, -yet whom they do not call by even endearing slang names. It has never -occurred to them to criticize them as ordinary mortals; and as they -have not been in the way of learning the prevailing accent of -disrespect, they have not shaken off that almost religious veneration -for their parents which all young people naturally feel, if they have -been well brought up and are not corrupted. - -The yoke in most middle-class country-houses is one fitting very -loosely round all necks; and as they have all the freedom they desire -or could use, the girls are not fretted by undue pressure, and are -content to live in peace under such restraints as they have. They -adore their elder brothers who are from home just beginning the great -battle of life for themselves, and confidently believe them to be -the finest fellows going, and the future great men of the day if only -they care to put out those splendid talents of theirs, and take the -trouble of plucking the prizes within their reach. They may have a -slight reservation perhaps, in favour of the brother's friend, whom -they place on a pedestal of almost equal height. But they keep their -mental architecture a profound secret from every one, and do not -suffer it to grow into too solid a structure unless it has some surer -foundation than their own fancy. For, though doves are loving, they -are by no means lovesick, and are too healthy and natural and quietly -busy for unwholesome dreams. If one of them marries, they all unite in -loving the man who comes in among them. He is adopted as one of -themselves, and leaps into a family of idolizing sisters who pet him -as their brother--with just that subtle little difference in their -petting, in so much as it comes from sisters unaccustomed, and so has -the charm of novelty without the prurient excitement of naughtiness. -But this kind of thing is about the most dangerous to a man's moral -nature that can befall him. Though pretty to see and undeniably -pleasant to experience, and though perfectly innocent in every way, -still, nothing enervates him so much as this idolatrous submission of -a large family of women. In a widow's house, where there are many -daughters and no sons, and where the man who marries one marries the -whole family and is worshipped accordingly, the danger is of course -increased tenfold; but if there are brothers and a father, the -sister's husband, though affectionately cooed over, is not made quite -such a fuss with, and the association is all the less hurtful in -consequence. - -These girls lead a by no means stupid life, though it is a quiet one, -and without any spasmodic events or tremendous cataclysms. They go a -great deal among the village poor, and they teach at the -Sunday-school, and attend the mothers' meetings and clothing-clubs and -the like, and learn to get interested in their humbler friends, who -after all are Christian sisters. They read their romances in real life -instead of in three-volume novels, and study human nature as it is--in -the rough certainly, but perhaps in more genuine form than if they -learnt it only in what is called society. Then they have their -pleasures, though they are of an unexciting kind and what fast girls -would call awfully slow. They have their horses and their croquet -parties, their lawn tennis and their archery meetings; they have -batches of new music, and a monthly box from Mudie's--and they know -the value of both; they go out to tea, and sometimes to dinner, in the -neighbourhood; and they enjoy the rare county balls with a zest -unknown to London girls who are out every night in the week. They have -their village flower-shows, which the great families patronize in a -free-and-easy kind of way, and which give occupation for weeks before -and subject for talk for weeks after; their school feasts, where the -pet parson of the district comes out with his best anecdotes, and -makes mild jokes at a long distance from Sydney Smith; their -periodical missionary meetings, where they have great guns from -London, and where they hear unctuous stories about the saintliness of -converted cannibals, and are required to believe in the power of -change of creed to produce an ethnological miracle; they have their -friends to stay with them--school-girl friends--with whom they -exchange deep confidences, and go back over the old days--so old to -their youth!--their brothers come down in the summer, and their -brothers' friends come with them, and do a little spooning in the -shrubbery. But there is more spooning done at picnics than anywhere -else; and more offers are made there under the shadow of the old ruin, -or in the quiet leafy nook by the river side, than at any other -gathering time of the country. And as we are all to a certain extent -what we are made by our environment, the doves take to these pleasures -quite kindly and gratefully, as being the only ones known to them, and -enjoy themselves in a simplicity of circumstances which would give no -pleasure at all to girls accustomed to more highly-spiced -entertainments. - -Doves know very little of evil. They are not in the way of learning -it; and they do not care to learn it. The few villagers who are -supposed to lead ill lives are spoken of below the breath, and -carefully avoided without being critically studied. When the railway -is to be carried past their quiet nest, there is an immense -excitement as the report goes that a knot of strange men have been -seen scattering themselves over the fields with their little white -flags and theodolites, their measuring lines and levels. But when the -army of navvies follows after, the excitement is changed to -consternation, and a general sense of evil to come advancing -ruthlessly towards them. The clergy of the district organize special -services, and the scared doves keep religiously away from the place -where the navvies are hutted. They think them little better than the -savages about whom the Deputation tell them once or twice a year; and -they create almost as much terror as an encampment of gipsies. They -represent the lawless forces of the world and the unknown sins of -strong men; and the wildest story about them is not too wild to be -believed. The railway altogether is a great offence to the -neighbourhood, and the line is assumed to destroy the whole scenic -beauty of the place. There are lamentations over the cockneys it will -bring down; over the high prices it will create, the immorality it -will cause. Only the sons who are out in the world and have learnt how -life goes on outside the dovecot, advocate keeping pace with the -times; and a few of the stronger minded of the sisters listen to them -with a timid admiration of their breadth and boldness, and think there -may be two sides to the question after all. When the dashing captain -and his fast wife suddenly appear in the village--as often happens in -these remote districts--the doves are in a state of great moral -tribulation. They are scandalized by Mrs. Highflyer's costume and -complexion, and think her manners odd and doubtful; her slang shocks -them; and when they meet her in the lanes, talking so loudly and -laughing so shrilly with that horrid-looking man in a green cutaway, -they feel as fluttered as their namesakes when a hawk is hovering over -the farmyard. The dashing captain, who does not use a prayer-book at -church, who stares at all the girls so rudely, and who has even been -seen to wink at some of the prettier cottage girls, and his handsome -wife with her equivocal complexion and pronounced fashions, who makes -eyes at the curate, are never heartily adopted by the local magnates, -though vouched for by some far-away backer; and the doves always feel -them to be strange bodies among them, and out of their rightful -element somehow. If things go quietly without an explosion, well and -good; but if the truth bursts to the surface in the shape of a London -detective, and the Highflyers are found to be no better than they -should be, the consternation and half-awed wonderment at the existence -of so much effrontery and villany in their atmosphere create an -impression which no time effaces. The first clash of innocence with -evil is an event in the life of the innocent the effect of which -nothing ever destroys. - -The dovecot is rather dull in the winter, and the doves are somewhat -moped; but even then they have the church to decorate, and the -sentiment of Christmas to enliven them. The absent ones of the -family too, return to the old hearth while they can; and as the great -joy of the dovecot lies in the family union that is kept up, and in -the family love which is so strong, the visits of those who no longer -live at home bring a moral summer as warm and cheering as the physical -sunshine. But they do not all assemble. For many of the doves marry -men whose work lies abroad; these quiet country-houses being the -favourite matrimonial hunting-grounds for colonists and Anglo-Indians. -So that some are always absent whose healths are drunk in the -traditional punch, while eyes grow moist as the names are given. Doves -are not disinclined to marry men who have to go abroad, for all the -passionate family love common to them. Travel is a golden dream to -them in their still homes; but travel properly companioned. For even -the most adventurous among them are not independent, as we mean when -we speak of independence in women. They are essentially home-girls, -family-girls, doves who cannot exist without a dovecot, however -humble. The family is everything to them; and they are utterly unfit -for the solitude which so many of our self-supporting women can accept -quite resignedly. Not that they are necessarily useless even as -breadwinners. They could work, if pushed to it; but it must be in a -quiet womanly way, with the mother, the sister, the husband as the -helper--with the home as the place of rest and the refuge. Their whole -lines are laid in love and quietness; not by any means in inaction, -but all centred within the home circle. If they marry, they find -the love of their husband enough for them, and have no desire for -other men's admiration. Their babies are all the world to them, and -they do not think maternity an infliction, as so many of the miserably -fashionable think it. They like the occupation of housekeeping, and -feel pride in their fine linen and clean service, in their -well-ordered table and neatly-balanced accounts. They are kind to -their servants, who generally come from the old home, and whose -families they therefore know; but they keep up a certain dignity and -tone of superiority towards them in the midst of all their kindness, -which very few town-bred mistresses can keep to town-bred maids. They -have always been the aristocracy in their native place; and they carry -through life the ineffaceable stamp which being 'the best' gives. - -Doves are essentially mild and gentle women; not queens of society -even when they are pretty, because not caring for social success and -therefore not laying themselves out for it; for if they please at home -that is all they care for, holding love before admiration, and the -esteem of one higher than the praise of many. If a fault is to be -found with them it is that they have not perhaps quite enough salt for -the general taste, used as it is to such highly-seasoned social food; -but do we really want our women to have so very much character? Do not -our splendid passionate creatures lead madly wretched lives and make -miserably uncomfortable homes? and are not our glorious heroines -better in pictures and in fiction than seated by the domestic fire, or -checking the baker's bill? No doubt the quiet home-staying doves seem -tame enough when we think of the gorgeous beings made familiar to us -by romance, and history, which is more romantic still; but as our -daily lives run chiefly in prose, our doves are better fitted for -things as they are; and to men who want wives and not playthings, and -who care for the peace of family life and the dignity of home, they -are beyond price when they can be found and secured. So that, on the -whole, we can dispense with the splendid creatures of character and -the magnificent queens of society sooner than with the quiet and -unobtrusive doves. And though they do spoil men most monstrously, they -know where to draw the line, and while petting their own at home they -keep strangers abroad at a distance, and make themselves respected as -only modest and gentle women are respected by men. - - - - -_BORED HUSBANDS._ - - -The curtain falls on joined hands when it does not descend on a -tragedy; and novels for the most part end with a wreath of -orange-blossoms and a pair of high-stepping greys, as the last act -that claims to be recorded. For both novelists and playwrights assume -that with marriage all the great events of life have ceased, and that, -once wedded to the beloved object, there is sure to be smooth sailing -and halcyon seas to the end of time. It sounds very cynical and -shocking to question this pretty belief; but unfortunately for us who -live in the world as it is and not as it is supposed to be, we find -that even a union with the beloved object does not always ensure -perfect contentment in the home, and that bored husbands are by no -means rare. - -The ideal honeymoon is of course an Elysian time, during which nothing -works rusty nor gets out of joint; and the ideal marriage is only a -life-long honeymoon, where the happiness is more secure and the love -deeper, if more sober; but the prose reality of one and the other has -often a terrible dash of weariness in it, even under the most -favourable conditions. Boredom begins in the very honeymoon -itself. At first starting in married life there are many dangers to be -encountered, not a shadow of which was seen in the wooing. There are -odd freaks of temper turning up quite unexpectedly; there is the -sense, so painful to some men, of being tied for life, of never being -able to be alone again, never free and without responsibilities; there -are misunderstandings to-day and the struggle for mastery -to-morrow--the cloud, no bigger than a man's hand, which may prove to -be the tempest that will destroy all; there is the unrest of -travelling, and the awkwardness of unusual association, to help in the -general discomfort; or, if the happy pair have settled down in a vale -and a cottage for their month, there is the 'sad satiety' which all -men feel after a time when they have had one companion only, with no -outside diversion to cause a break. But the honeymoon at last draws to -a close, and the relieved bridegroom gets back to his old haunts, to -his work, his friends, and his club; and though he takes to all these -things again with a difference, still they are helps and additions. -This is the time of trial to a woman. If she gets over this pinch, and -is sensible enough to understand that human nature cannot be kept up -at high pressure, even in love, and that a man must sooner or later -come down from romance to work-a-day prose, from the passionate lover -to the cool and sober husband--if she can understand this, and settle -into his pace, without fretting on the one hand or casting about -for unhealthy distractions on the other--she will do well, and will -probably make a pleasant home, and thereby diminish the boredom of -life. But unfortunately, not every woman can do this; and it is just -during this time of the man's transition from the lover to the friend -that so many women begin to make shipwreck of their own happiness and -his. They think to keep him a romantic wooer still, by their tears at -his prosaic indifference to the little sentimentalities once so -eagerly accepted and offered; they try to hold him close by their -flattering but somewhat tiresome exactions; their jealousies--very -pretty perhaps, and quite as flattering--are infinite, and as baseless -as they are infinite; all of which is very nice up to a certain point -and in the beginning of things, but all of which gets wearisome as -time goes on, and a man wants both a little change and a little rest. -But women do not see this; or seeing it, they cannot accept it as a -necessary condition of things; wherefore they go on in their fatal -way, and by the very unwisdom of their own love bore their husband out -of his. Or they grow substantially cold because he is superficially -cooler, and think themselves justified in ceasing to love him -altogether because he takes their love for granted, and so has ceased -to woo it. - -If they are jealous, or shy, or unsocial, as so many women are, they -make life very heavy by their exclusiveness, and the monastic -character they give the home. A man married to a woman of this -kind is, in fact, a house prisoner, whose only free spaces lie beyond -the four walls of home. His bachelor friends are shut out. They smoke; -or entice him to drink more than his wife thinks is good for him; or -they induce him to bet on the Derby; or to play for half-crowns at -whist or billiards; or they lead him in some other way of offence -abhorrent to women. So the bachelor friends are shouldered out; and -when the husband wants to entertain them, he must invite them to his -club--if he has one--and pay the penalty when he gets home. In a few -years' time his wife will be glad to encourage her sons' young friends -to the house, for the sake of the daughters on hand; but husbands and -sons are in a different category, and there are few fathers who do not -learn, as time goes on, how much the mother will allow that the wife -refused. - -If bachelor friends are shouldered out of the house, all female -friends are forbidden anything like an intimate footing, save those -few whom the wife thinks specially devoted to herself and of whom she -is not jealous. And these are very few. There are perhaps no women in -the world so exclusive in their dealings with their husbands as are -Englishwomen. A husband is bound to one woman only, no doubt; but the -average wife thinks him also bound to have no affection whatever -outside her and perhaps her family. If he meets an intelligent woman, -pleasant to talk to, of agreeable manners and ready wit, and if -he talks to her in consequence with anything like persistency or -interest, he offends against the unwritten law; and his wife, whose -utmost power of conversation consists in putting in a yes or no with -tolerable accuracy of aim, thinks herself slighted and ill-used. She -may be young and pretty, and dearly loved for her own special -qualities; and her husband may not have a thought towards his new -friend, or any other woman, in the remotest degree trenching on his -allegiance to her; but the fact that he finds pleasure, though only of -an intellectual and æsthetic kind, in the society of any other woman, -that he feels an interest in her life, chooses her for his friend, or -finds community of pursuits or sympathy in ideas, makes his wife by -just so much a victim and aggrieved. - -And yet what a miserably monotonous home is that to which she would -confine him! He is at his office all day, badgered and worried with -various business complications, and he comes home tired, perhaps -cross--even well-conducted husbands have that way sometimes. He finds -his wife tired and cross too; so that they begin the evening together -mutually at odds, she irritated by small cares and he disturbed by -large anxieties. Or he finds her preoccupied and absorbed in her own -pursuits, and quite disinclined to make any diversion for his sake. He -asks her for some music; she used to be ready enough to sing and play -to him in the old love-making days; but she refuses now. Either she -has some needlework to do, which might have been done during the -day when he was out, or baby is asleep in the nursery, and music in -the drawing-room would disturb him--at all events she cannot sing or -play to-night; and even if she does--he has heard all her pieces so -often! If he is not a reading-man, those long, dull, silent evenings -are very trying. She works, and drives him wild with the click of her -needle; or she reads the last new novel, and he hates novels, and gets -tired to death when she insists on telling him all about the story and -the characters; or she chooses the evening for letter-writing, and if -the noise of her pen scratching over the paper does not irritate him, -perhaps it sends him to sleep, when at least he is not bored. But -dull, objectless, and vacant as their evenings are, his wife would not -hear of any help from without to give just that little fillip which -would prevent boredom and not create ceremony. She would think her -life had gone to pieces, and that only desolation was before her, if -he hinted that his home was dull, and that though he loves her very -dearly and wants no other wife but her, yet that her society -only--_toujours perdrix_, without change or addition--is a little -stupid, however nice the partridge may be, and that things would be -bettered if Mrs. or Miss So-and-So came in sometimes, just to brighten -up the hours. And if he were to make a practice of bringing home his -men friends, she would probably let all parties concerned feel pretty -distinctly that she considered the home her special sanctuary, and -that guests whom she did not invite were intruders. She would -perhaps go willingly enough to a ball or crowded _soirée_, or she -might like to give one; but that intimate form of society, which is a -mere enlargement of the home life, she dreads as the supplementing of -deficiencies, and thinks her married happiness safer in boredom than -in any diversion from herself as the sole centre of her husband's -pleasure. - -Home life stagnates in England; and in very few families is there any -mean between dissipation and this stagnation. We can scarcely wonder -that so many husbands think matrimony a mistake as we have it in our -insular arrangements; that they look back regretfully to the time when -they were unfettered and not bored; or that their free friends, who -watch them as wild birds watch their caged companions, curiously and -reflectively, share their opinion. Wife and home, after all, make up -but part of a man's life; they are not his all, and do not satisfy the -whole of his social instinct; nor is any one woman the concentration -of all womanhood to a man, leaving nothing that is beautiful, nor in -its own unconjugal way desirable, on the outside. Besides, when with -his wife a man is often as much isolated as when alone, for any real -companionship there is between them. Few women take a living interest -in the lives of men, and fewer still understand them. They expect the -husband to sympathize with them in the kitchen gossip and the nursery -chatter, the neighbours' doings and all the small household politics; -but they are utterly unable to comprehend his pleasures, his -thoughts, his duties, the responsibilities of his profession, or the -bearings of any public question in which he takes a part. - -Even if this were not so, and granting that they could enter fully -into his life and sympathize with him as intelligent equals, not only -as compassionate saints or loving children, there would still be the -need of novelty, and still the certainty of boredom without it. For -human life, like all other forms of life, must have a due proportion -of fresh elements continually added to keep it sweet and growing, else -it becomes stagnant and stunted. And daily intercourse undeniably -exhausts the moral ground. After the close companionship of years no -one can remain mentally fresh to the other, unless indeed one or both -be of the rarest order of mind and of a practically inexhaustible -power of acquiring knowledge. Save these exceptional instances, we -must all of necessity get worn out by constant intercourse. We know -every thought, every opinion, and almost every square inch of -information possessed; we have heard the old stories again and again, -and know exactly what will lead up to them, and at what point they -will begin; we have measured the whole sweep of mind, and have probed -its depths; and though we may love and value what we have learnt, yet -we want something new--fresh food for interest, though not necessarily -a new love for the displacement of the old. But this is what very few -Englishwomen can understand or will allow. They hold so intensely -by the doctrine of unity that they are even jealous of a man's -pursuits, if they think these take up any place in his mind which -might also be theirs. They must be good for every part of his life; -and the poorest of them all must be his only source of interest, -suffering no other woman to share his admiration nor obtain his -friendship, though this would neither touch his love nor interfere -with their rights. Friendship is a hard saying to them, and one they -cannot receive. Wherefore they keep a tight grasp on the marital -collar, and suffer no relief of monotony by judicious loosening, nor -by generous faith in integral fidelity. The practical result of which -is that most men are horribly bored at home, and that the mass of them -really suffer from the domestic stagnation to which national customs -and the exclusiveness of women doom them so soon as they become family -men. It must however, in fairness be added, that in general they -obtain some kind of compensation; and that very few walk meekly in -their bonds without at times slipping them off, with or without the -concurrence of their wives. - - END OF THE FIRST VOLUME. - - S. & H. - - LONDON: PRINTED BY - SPOTTISWOODE AND CO., NEW-STREET SQUARE - AND PARLIAMENT STREET - - * * * * * - -Transcriber's note: - Minor spelling and punctuation inconsistencies, mainly hyphenated - words, have been harmonized. In this version, the oe ligature is - represented by the separate characters oe, e.g. manoeuvre. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl of the Period and Other -Social Essays, Vol. I (of 2), by Eliza Lynn Linton - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRL OF THE PERIOD, VOL I *** - -***** This file should be named 41735-8.txt or 41735-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/1/7/3/41735/ - -Produced by Clarity, Mary Akers and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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