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diff --git a/41579-0.txt b/41579-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3626b98 --- /dev/null +++ b/41579-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,952 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41579 *** + +_The Evergreen Series_ + + +KIMIKO AND OTHER JAPANESE SKETCHES + + +By LAFCADIO HEARN + + +BOSTON AND NEW YORK +HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY +The Riverside Press Cambridge +1923 + +COPYRIGHT, 1896, BY HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. +ALL RIGHTS RESERVED + +The Riverside Press +CAMBRIDGE · MASSACHUSETTS +PRINTED IN THE U.S.A. + + + + +Transcriber's Note: Dialect spellings, contractions and inconsistencies +have been retained as printed. Words printed in italics are noted with +underscores; _italics_. + + + + +KIMIKO + + _Wasuraruru + Mi naran to omo + Kokoro koso + Wasuré nu yori mo + Omoi nari-keré._[1] + + [1] "To wish to be forgotten by the beloved is a soul-task + harder far than trying not to forget."--_Poem by_ KIMIKO. + + +I + +The name is on a paper-lantern at the entrance of a house in the Street +of the Geisha. + +Seen at night the street is one of the queerest in the world. It is +narrow as a gangway; and the dark shining wood-work of the house-fronts, +all tightly closed,--each having a tiny sliding door with paper-panes +that look just like frosted glass,--makes you think of first-class +passenger-cabins. Really the buildings are several stories high; +but you do not observe this at once--especially if there be no +moon--because only the lower stories are illuminated up to their +awnings, above which all is darkness. The illumination is made by lamps +behind the narrow paper-paned doors, and by the paper-lanterns hanging +outside--one at every door. You look down the street between two lines +of these lanterns--lines converging far-off into one motionless bar of +yellow light. Some of the lanterns are egg-shaped, some cylindrical; +others four-sided or six-sided; and Japanese characters are beautifully +written upon them. The street is very quiet--silent as a display of +cabinet-work in some great exhibition after closing-time. This is +because the inmates are mostly away--attending banquets and other +festivities. Their life is of the night. + +The legend upon the first lantern to the left as you go south is +"Kinoya: uchi O-Kata"; and that means The House of Gold wherein O-Kata +dwells. The lantern to the right tells of the House of Nishimura, and +of a girl Miyotsuru--which name signifies The Stork Magnificently +Existing. Next upon the left comes the House of Kajita;--and in that +house are Kohana, the Flower-Bud, and Hinako, whose face is pretty as +the face of a doll. Opposite is the House Nagaye, wherein live Kimika +and Kimiko.... And this luminous double litany of names is half-a-mile +long. + +The inscription on the lantern of the last-named house reveals the +relationship between Kimika and Kimiko--and yet something more; for +Kimiko is styled "Ni-dai-me," an honorary untranslatable title which +signifies that she is only Kimiko No. 2. Kimika is the teacher and +mistress: she has educated two geisha, both named, or rather renamed by +her, Kimiko; and this use of the same name twice is proof positive that +the first Kimiko--"Ichi-dai-me"--must have been celebrated. The +professional appellation borne by an unlucky or unsuccessful geisha is +never given to her successor. + +If you should ever have good and sufficient reason to enter the +house,--pushing open that lantern-slide of a door which sets a +gong-bell ringing to announce visits,--you might be able to see +Kimika, provided her little troupe be not engaged for the evening. +You would find her a very intelligent person, and well worth talking +to. She can tell, when she pleases, the most remarkable stories--real +flesh-and-blood stories--true stories of human nature. For the Street +of the Geisha is full of traditions--tragic, comic, melodramatic;--every +house has its memories;--and Kimika knows them all. Some are very, very +terrible; and some would make you laugh; and some would make you think. +The story of the first Kimiko belongs to the last class. It is not one +of the most extraordinary; but it is one of the least difficult for +Western people to understand. + + +II + +There is no more Ichi-dai-me Kimiko: she is only a remembrance. Kimika +was quite young when she called that Kimiko her professional sister. + +"An exceedingly wonderful girl," is what Kimika says of Kimiko. To win +any renown in her profession, a geisha must be pretty or very clever; +and the famous ones are usually both--having been selected at a very +early age by their trainers according to the promise of such qualities. +Even the commoner class of singing-girls must have some charm in their +best years--if only that _beauté du diable_ which inspired the Japanese +proverb that even a devil is pretty at eighteen.[2] But Kimiko was much +more than pretty. She was according to the Japanese ideal of beauty; +and that standard is not reached by one woman in a hundred thousand. +Also she was more than clever: she was accomplished. She composed very +dainty poems--could arrange flowers exquisitely, perform tea-ceremonies +faultlessly, embroider, make silk mosaic: in short, she was genteel. +And her first public appearance made a flutter in the fast world of +Kyoto. It was evident that she could make almost any conquest she +pleased, and that fortune was before her. + + [2] _Oni mo jiuhachi, azami no hana._ There is a similar + saying of a dragon: _ja mo hatachi_ ("even a dragon at + twenty"). + +But it soon became evident, also, that she had been perfectly trained +for her profession. She had been taught how to conduct herself under +almost any possible circumstances; for what she could not have known +Kimika knew everything about: the power of beauty, and the weakness of +passion; the craft of promises and the worth of indifference; and all +the folly and evil in the hearts of men. So Kimiko made few mistakes +and shed few tears. By and by she proved to be, as Kimika +wished--slightly dangerous. So a lamp is to night-fliers: otherwise +some of them would put it out. The duty of the lamp is to make pleasant +things visible: it has no malice. Kimiko had no malice, and was not too +dangerous. Anxious parents discovered that she did not want to enter +into respectable families, nor even to lend herself to any serious +romances. But she was not particularly merciful to that class of youths +who sign documents with their own blood, and ask a dancing-girl to cut +off the extreme end of the little finger of her left hand as a pledge +of eternal affection. She was mischievous enough with them to cure them +of their folly. Some rich folks who offered her lands and houses on +condition of owning her, body and soul, found her less merciful. One +proved generous enough to purchase her freedom unconditionally, at a +price which made Kimika a rich woman; and Kimiko was grateful--but she +remained a geisha. She managed her rebuffs with too much tact to excite +hate, and knew how to heal despairs in most cases. There were +exceptions, of course. One old man, who thought life not worth living +unless he could get Kimiko all to himself, invited her to a banquet one +evening, and asked her to drink wine with him. But Kimika, accustomed +to read faces, deftly substituted tea (which has precisely the same +color) for Kimiko's wine, and so instinctively saved the girl's +precious life--for only ten minutes later the soul of the silly host +was on its way to the Meido alone, and doubtless greatly +disappointed.... After that night Kimika watched over Kimiko as a wild +cat guards her kitten. + +The kitten became a fashionable mania, a craze--a delirium--one of the +great sights and sensations of the period. There is a foreign prince +who remembers her name: he sent her a gift of diamonds which she never +wore. Other presents in multitude she received from all who could +afford the luxury of pleasing her; and to be in her good graces, even +for a day, was the ambition of the "gilded youth." Nevertheless she +allowed no one to imagine himself a special favorite, and refused to +make any contracts for perpetual affection. To any protests on the +subject she answered that she knew her place. Even respectable women +spoke not unkindly of her--because her name never figured in any story +of family unhappiness. She really kept her place. Time seemed to make +her more charming. Other geisha grew into fame, but no one was even +classed with her. Some manufacturers secured the sole right to use her +photograph for a label; and that label made a fortune for the firm. + + +But one day the startling news was abroad that Kimiko had at last shown +a very soft heart. She had actually said good-bye to Kimika, and had +gone away with somebody able to give her all the pretty dresses she +could wish for--somebody eager to give her social position also, and to +silence gossip about her naughty past--somebody willing to die for her +ten times over, and already half-dead for love of her. Kimika said that +a fool had tried to kill himself because of Kimiko, and that Kimiko had +taken pity on him, and nursed him back to foolishness. Taiko Hideyoshi +had said that there were only two things in this world which he +feared--a fool and a dark night. Kimika had always been afraid of a +fool; and a fool had taken Kimiko away. And she added, with not +unselfish tears, that Kimiko would never come back to her: it was a +case of love on both sides for the time of several existences. + +Nevertheless, Kimika was only half right. She was very shrewd indeed; +but she had never been able to see into certain private chambers in the +soul of Kimiko. If she could have seen, she would have screamed for +astonishment. + + +III + +Between Kimiko and other geisha there was a difference of gentle blood. +Before she took a professional name, her name was Ai, which, written +with the proper character, means love. Written with another character +the same word-sound signifies grief. The story of Ai was a story of +both grief and love. + +She had been nicely brought up. As a child she had been sent to a +private school kept by an old samurai--where the little girls squatted +on cushions before little writing-tables twelve inches high, and where +the teachers taught without salary. In these days when teachers get +better salaries than civil-service officials, the teaching is not +nearly so honest or so pleasant as it used to be. A servant always +accompanied the child to and from the school-house, carrying her books, +her writing-box, her kneeling cushion, and her little table. + +Afterwards she attended an elementary public school. The first "modern" +textbooks had just been issued--containing Japanese translations of +English, German, and French stories about honor and duty and heroism, +excellently chosen, and illustrated with tiny innocent pictures of +Western people in costumes never of this world. Those dear pathetic +little textbooks are now curiosities: they have long been superseded by +pretentious compilations much less lovingly and sensibly edited. Ai +learned well. Once a year, at examination time, a great official would +visit the school, and talk to the children as if they were all his own, +and stroke each silky head as he distributed the prizes. He is now a +retired statesman, and has doubtless forgotten Ai;--and in the schools +of today nobody caresses little girls, or gives them prizes. + +Then came those reconstructive changes by which families of rank were +reduced to obscurity and poverty; and Ai had to leave school. Many +great sorrows followed, till there remained to her only her mother and +an infant sister. The mother and Ai could do little but weave; and by +weaving alone they could not earn enough to live. House and lands +first--then, article by article, all things not necessary to +existence--heirlooms, trinkets, costly robes, crested lacquer-ware--passed +cheaply to those whom misery makes rich, and whose wealth is called +by the people _Namida no kane_--"the Money of Tears." Help from +the living was scanty--for most of the samurai-families of kin were +in like distress. But when there was nothing left to sell--not even +Ai's little school-books--help was sought from the dead. + +For it was remembered that the father of Ai's father had been buried +with his sword, the gift of a daimyo; and that the mountings of the +weapon were of gold. So the grave was opened, and the grand hilt of +curious workmanship exchanged for a common one, and the ornaments of +the lacquered sheath removed. But the good blade was not taken, because +the warrior might need it. Ai saw his face as he sat erect in the great +red-clay urn which served in lieu of coffin to the samurai of high rank +when buried by the ancient rite. His features were still recognizable +after all those years of sepulture; and he seemed to nod a grim assent +to what had been done as his sword was given back to him. + +At last the mother of Ai became too weak and ill to work at the loom; +and the gold of the dead had been spent. Ai said: "Mother, I know there +is but one thing now to do. Let me be sold to the dancing-girls." The +mother wept, and made no reply. Ai did not weep, but went out alone. + +She remembered that in other days, when banquets were given in her +father's house, and dancers served the wine, a free geisha named Kimika +had often caressed her. She went straight to the house of Kimika. "I +want you to buy me," said Ai;--"and I want a great deal of money." +Kimika laughed, and petted her, and made her eat, and heard her +story--which was bravely told, without one tear. "My child," said +Kimika, "I cannot give you a great deal of money; for I have very +little. But this I can do:--I can promise to support your mother. That +will be better than to give her much money for you--because your +mother, my child, has been a great lady, and therefore cannot know how +to use money cunningly. Ask your honored mother to sign the +bond--promising that you will stay with me till you are twenty-four +years old, or until such time as you can pay me back. And what money I +can now spare, take home with you as a free gift." + +Thus Ai became a geisha; and Kimika renamed her Kimiko, and kept the +pledge to maintain the mother and the child-sister. The mother died +before Kimiko became famous; the little sister was put to school. +Afterwards those things already told came to pass. + + +The young man who had wanted to die for love of a dancing-girl was +worthy of better things. He was an only son; and his parents, wealthy +and titled people, were willing to make any sacrifice for him--even +that of accepting a geisha for daughter-in-law. Moreover, they were not +altogether displeased with Kimiko, because of her sympathy for their +boy. + +Before going away, Kimiko attended the wedding of her young sister, +Umé, who had just finished school. She was good and pretty. Kimiko had +made the match, and used her wicked knowledge of men in making it. She +chose a very plain, honest, old-fashioned merchant--a man who could not +have been bad, even if he tried. Umé did not question the wisdom of her +sister's choice, which time proved fortunate. + + +IV + +It was in the period of the fourth moon that Kimiko was carried away to +the home prepared for her--a place in which to forget all the +unpleasant realities of life--a sort of fairy-palace lost in the +charmed repose of great shadowy silent high-walled gardens. Therein she +might have felt as one reborn, by reason of good deeds, into the realm +of Horai. But the spring passed, and the summer came--and Kimiko +remained simply Kimiko. Three times she had contrived, for reasons +unspoken, to put off the wedding-day. + + +In the period of the eighth moon, Kimiko ceased to be playful, and told +her reasons very gently but very firmly: "It is time that I should say +what I have long delayed saying. For the sake of the mother who gave me +life, and for the sake of my little sister, I have lived in hell. All +that is past; but the scorch of the fire is upon me, and there is no +power that can take it away. It is not for such as I to enter into an +honored family--nor to bear you a son--nor to build up your house.... +Suffer me to speak; for in the knowing of wrong I am very, very much +wiser than you.... Never shall I be your wife to become your shame. I +am your companion only, your play-fellow, your guest of an hour--and +this not for any gifts. When I shall be no longer with you--nay! +certainly that day must come!--you will have clearer sight. I shall +still be dear to you, but not in the same way as now--which is +foolishness. You will remember these words out of my heart. Some true +sweet lady will be chosen for you, to become the mother of your +children. I shall see them; but the place of a wife I shall never take, +and the joy of a mother I must never know. I am only your folly, my +beloved--an illusion, a dream, a shadow flitting across your life. +Somewhat more in later time I may become, but a wife to you +never--neither in this existence nor in the next. Ask me again--and I +go." + + +In the period of the tenth moon, and without any reason imaginable, +Kimiko disappeared--vanished--utterly ceased to exist. + + +V + +Nobody knew when or how or whither she had gone. Even in the +neighborhood of the home she had left, none had seen her pass. At first +it seemed that she must soon return. Of all her beautiful and precious +things--her robes, her ornaments, her presents: a fortune in +themselves--she had taken nothing. But weeks passed without word or +sign; and it was feared that something terrible had befallen her. +Rivers were dragged, and wells were searched. Inquiries were made by +telegraph and by letter. Trusted servants were sent to look for her. +Rewards were offered for any news--especially a reward to Kimika, who +was really attached to the girl, and would have been only too happy to +find her without any reward at all. But the mystery remained a mystery. +Application to the authorities would have been useless: the fugitive +had done no wrong, broken no law; and the vast machinery of the +imperial police-system was not to be set in motion by the passionate +whim of a boy. Months grew into years; but neither Kimika, nor the +little sister in Kyoto, nor any one of the thousands who had known +and admired the beautiful dancer, ever saw Kimiko again. + +But what she had foretold came true;--for time dries all tears and +quiets all longing; and even in Japan one does not really try to die +twice for the same despair. The lover of Kimiko became wiser; and there +was found for him a very sweet person for wife, who gave him a son. And +other years passed; and there was happiness in the fairy-home where +Kimiko had once been. + +There came to that home one morning, as if seeking alms, a traveling +nun; and the child, hearing her Buddhist cry of "Ha--ï! ha--ï!" ran to +the gate. And presently a house-servant, bringing out the customary +gift of rice, wondered to see the nun caressing the child, and +whispering to him. Then the little one cried to the servant, "Let me +give!"--and the nun pleaded from under the veiling shadow of her great +straw hat: "Honorably allow the child to give me." So the boy put the +rice into the mendicant's bowl. Then she thanked him, and asked: "Now +will you say again for me the little word which I prayed you to tell +your honored father?" And the child lisped: "_Father, one whom you +will never see again in this world, says that her heart is glad because +she has seen your son._" + +The nun laughed softly, and caressed him again, and passed away +swiftly; and the servant wondered more than ever, while the child ran +to tell his father the words of the mendicant. + +But the father's eyes dimmed as he heard the words, and he wept over +his boy. For he, and only he, knew who had been at the gate--and the +sacrificial meaning of all that had been hidden. + +Now he thinks much, but tells his thought to no one. + +He knows that the space between sun and sun is less than the space +between himself and the woman who loved him. + +He knows it were vain to ask in what remote city, in what fantastic +riddle of narrow nameless streets, in what obscure little temple known +only to the poorest poor, she waits for the darkness before the Dawn of +the Immeasurable Light--when the Face of the Teacher will smile upon +her--when the Voice of the Teacher will say to her, in tones of +sweetness deeper than ever came from human lover's lips: "_O my +daughter in the Law, thou hast practiced the perfect way; thou hast +believed and understood the highest truth;--therefore come I now to +meet and to welcome thee!_" + + + + +THE NUN OF THE TEMPLE OF AMIDA + + +I + +When O-Toyo's husband--a distant cousin, adopted into her family for +love's sake--had been summoned by his lord to the capital, she did not +feel anxious about the future. She felt sad only. It was the first time +since their bridal that they had ever been separated. But she had her +father and mother to keep her company, and, dearer than either,--though +she would never have confessed it even to herself,--her little son. +Besides, she always had plenty to do. There were many household duties +to perform, and there was much clothing to be woven--both silk and +cotton. + +Once daily at a fixed hour, she would set for the absent husband, in +his favorite room, little repasts faultlessly served on dainty +lacquered trays--miniature meals such as are offered to the ghosts of +the ancestors, and to the gods.[3] These repasts were served at the +east side of the room, and his kneeling-cushion placed before them. The +reason they were served at the east side was because he had gone east. +Before removing the food, she always lifted the cover of the little +soup-bowl to see if there was vapor upon its lacquered inside surface. +For it is said that if there be vapor on the inside of the lid covering +food so offered, the absent beloved is well. But if there be none, he +is dead--because that is a sign that his soul has returned by itself to +seek nourishment. O-Toyo found the lacquer thickly beaded with vapor +day by day. + + [3] Such a repast, offered to the spirit of the absent one + loved, is called a _Kagé-zen_; lit., "Shadow-tray." The + word _zen_ is also used to signify the meal served on + the lacquered tray--which has feet, like a miniature table. + So that the term "Shadow-feast" would be a better translation + of _Kagé-zen_. + +The child was her constant delight. He was three years old, and fond of +asking questions to which none but the gods knew the real answers. When +he wanted to play, she laid aside her work to play with him. When he +wanted to rest, she told him wonderful stories, or gave pretty pious +answers to his questions about those things which no man can ever +understand. At evening, when the little lamps had been lighted before +the holy tablets and the images, she taught his lips to shape the words +of filial prayer. When he had been laid to sleep, she brought her work +near him, and watched the still sweetness of his face. Sometimes he +would smile in his dreams; and she knew that Kwannon the divine was +playing shadowy play with him, and she would murmur the Buddhist +invocation to that Maid "who looketh forever down above the sound of +prayer." + + +Sometimes, in the season of very clear days, she would climb the +mountain of Dakeyama, carrying her little boy on her back. Such a trip +delighted him much, not only because of what his mother taught him to +see, but also of what she taught him to hear. The sloping way was +through groves and woods, and over grassed slopes, and around queer +rocks; and there were flowers with stories in their hearts, and trees +holding tree-spirits. Pigeons cried _korup-korup_; and doves sobbed +_owao_, _owao_; and cicadæ wheezed and fluted and tinkled. + +All those who wait for absent dear ones make, if they can, a pilgrimage +to the peak called Dakeyama. It is visible from any part of the city; +and from its summit several provinces can be seen. At the very top is a +stone of almost human height and shape, perpendicularly set up; and +little pebbles are heaped before it and upon it. And near by there is a +small Shinto shrine erected to the spirit of a princess of other +days. For she mourned the absence of one she loved, and used to watch +from this mountain for his coming until she pined away and was changed +into a stone. The people therefore built the shrine; and lovers of the +absent still pray there for the return of those dear to them; and each, +after so praying, takes home one of the little pebbles heaped there. +And when the beloved one returns, the pebble must be taken back to the +pebble-pile upon the mountain-top, and other pebbles with it, for a +thank-offering and commemoration. + + +Always ere O-Toyo and her son could reach their home after such a day, +the dusk would fall softly about them; for the way was long, and they +had to both go and return by boat through the wilderness of rice-fields +round the town--which is a slow manner of journeying. Sometimes stars +and fireflies lighted them; sometimes also the moon--and O-Toyo would +softly sing to her boy the Izumo child-song to the moon: + + Nono-San, + Little Lady Moon, + How old are you? + "Thirteen days-- + Thirteen and nine." + That is still young, + And the reason must be + For that bright red obi, + So nicely tied,[4] + And that nice white girdle + About your hips. + Will you give it to the horse? + "Oh, no, no!" + Will you give it to the cow? + "Oh, no, no!"[5] + + [4] Because an obi or girdle of very bright color can be worn + only by children. + + [5] + + Nono-San, + _or_ + _O-Tsuki-San_ + Ikutsu? + "Jiu-san-- + Kokonotsu." + Sore wa mada + Wakai yo, + Wakai ye mo + Dori + Akai iro no + Obi to, + Shiro iro no + Obi to + Koshi ni shanto + Musun de. + Uma ni yaru? + "Iyaiya!" + Ushi ni yaru? + "Iyaiya!" + +And up to the blue night would rise from all those wet leagues of +labored field that great soft bubbling chorus which seems the very +voice of the soil itself--the chant of the frogs. And O-Toyo would +interpret its syllables to the child: _Mé kayui! mé kayui!_ "Mine +eyes tickle; I want to sleep." + +All those were happy hours. + + +II + +Then twice, within the time of three days, those masters of life and +death whose ways belong to the eternal mysteries struck at her heart. +First she was taught that the gentle husband for whom she had so often +prayed never could return to her--having been returned unto that dust +out of which all forms are borrowed. And in another little while she +knew her boy slept so deep a sleep that the Chinese physician could not +waken him. These things she learned only as shapes are learned in +lightning flashes. Between and beyond the flashes was that absolute +darkness which is the pity of the gods. + +It passed; and she rose to meet a foe whose name is Memory. Before all +others she could keep her face, as in other days, sweet and smiling. +But when alone with this visitant, she found herself less strong. She +would arrange little toys and spread out little dresses on the matting, +and look at them, and talk to them in whispers, and smile silently. But +the smile would ever end in a burst of wild, loud weeping; and she +would beat her head upon the floor, and ask foolish questions of the +gods. + + +One day she thought of a weird consolation--that rite the people name +"Toritsu-banashi"--the evocation of the dead. Could she not call back +her boy for one brief minute only? It would trouble the little soul; +but would he not gladly bear a moment's pain for her dear sake? Surely! + + +[To have the dead called back one must go to some priest--Buddhist or +Shinto--who knows the rite of incantation. And the mortuary tablet, +or ihai, of the dead must be brought to that priest. + +Then ceremonies of purification are performed; candles are lighted and +incense is kindled before the ihai; and prayers or parts of sutras are +recited; and offerings of flowers and of rice are made. But, in this +case, the rice must not be cooked. + +And when everything has been made ready, the priest, taking in his left +hand an instrument shaped like a bow, and striking it rapidly with his +right, calls upon the name of the dead, and cries out the words, +"Kitazo yo! kitazo yo! kitazo yo!" meaning, "I have come."[6] And, as +he cries, the tone of his voice gradually changes until it becomes the +very voice of the dead person--for the ghost enters into him. + + [6] Whence the Izumo saying about one who too often + announces his coming: "Thy talk is like the talk of + necromancy!"--_Toritsubanashi no yona._ + +Then the dead will answer questions quickly asked, but will cry +continually: "Hasten, hasten! for this my coming back is painful, and I +have but a little time to stay!" And having answered, the ghost passes; +and the priest falls senseless upon his face. + +Now to call back the dead is not good. For by calling them back their +condition is made worse. Returning to the underworld, they must take a +place lower than that which they held before. + +To-day these rites are not allowed by law. They once consoled; but the +law is a good law, and just--since there exist men willing to mock the +divine which is in human hearts.] + + +So it came to pass that O-Toyo found herself one night in a lonely +little temple at the verge of the city--kneeling before the ihai of her +boy, and hearing the rite of incantation. And presently, out of the +lips of the officiant there came a voice she thought she knew,--a voice +loved above all others,--but faint and very thin, like a sobbing of +wind. + +And the thin voice cried to her: + +"Ask quickly, quickly, mother! Dark is the way and long; and I may not +linger." + +Then tremblingly she questioned: + +"Why must I sorrow for my child? What is the justice of the gods?" + +And there was answer given: + +"O mother, do not mourn me thus! That I died was only that you might +not die. For the year was a year of sickness and of sorrow--and it was +given me to know that you were to die; and I obtained by prayer that I +should take your place.[7] + + [7] _Migawari_, "substitute," is the religious term. + +"O mother, never weep for me! It is not kindness to mourn for the dead. +Over the River of Tears[8] their silent road is; and when mothers weep, +the flood of that river rises, and the soul cannot pass, but must +wander to and fro. + + [8] "Namida-no-Kawa." + +"Therefore, I pray you, do not grieve, O mother mine! Only give me a +little water sometimes." + + +III + +From that hour she was not seen to weep. She performed, lightly and +silently, as in former days, the gentle duties of a daughter. + +Seasons passed; and her father thought to find another husband for her. +To the mother, he said: + +"If our daughter again have a son, it will be great joy for her, and +for all of us." + +But the wiser mother made answer: + +"Unhappy she is not. It is impossible that she marry again. She has +become as a little child, knowing nothing of trouble or sin." + +It was true that she had ceased to know real pain. She had begun to +show a strange fondness for very small things. At first she had found +her bed too large--perhaps through the sense of emptiness left by the +loss of her child; then, day by day, other things seemed to grow too +large--the dwelling itself, the familiar rooms, the alcove and its +great flower-vases--even the household utensils. She wished to eat her +rice with miniature chopsticks out of a very small bowl such as +children use. + +In these things she was lovingly humored; and in other matters she was +not fantastic. The old people consulted together about her constantly. +At last the father said: + +"For our daughter to live with strangers might be painful. But as we +are aged, we may soon have to leave her. Perhaps we could provide for +her by making her a nun. We might build a little temple for her." + +Next day the mother asked O-Toyo: + +"Would you not like to become a holy nun, and to live in a very, very +small temple, with a very small altar, and little images of the +Buddhas? We should be always near you. If you wish this, we shall get a +priest to teach you the sutras." + +O-Toyo wished it, and asked that an extremely small nun's dress be got +for her. But the mother said: + +"Everything except the dress a good nun may have made small. But she +must wear a large dress--that is the law of Buddha." + +So she was persuaded to wear the same dress as other nuns. + + +IV + +They built for her a small An-dera, or Nun's-Temple, in an empty court +where another and larger temple, called Amida-ji, had once stood. The +An-dera was also called Amida-ji, and was dedicated to Amida-Nyorai +and to other Buddhas. It was fitted up with a very small altar and with +miniature altar furniture. There was a tiny copy of the sutras on a +tiny reading-desk, and tiny screens and bells and kakemono. And she +dwelt there long after her parents had passed away. People called her +the Amida-ji no Bikuni--which means The Nun of the Temple of Amida. + +A little outside the gate there was a statue of Jizo. This Jizo was a +special Jizo--the friend of sick children. There were nearly always +offerings of small rice-cakes to be seen before him. These signified +that some sick child was being prayed for; and the number of the +rice-cakes signified the number of the years of the child. Most often +there were but two or three cakes; rarely there were seven or ten. The +Amida-ji no Bikuni took care of the statue, and supplied it with +incense-offerings, and flowers from the temple garden; for there was a +small garden behind the An-dera. + +After making her morning round with her alms-bowl, she would usually +seat herself before a very small loom, to weave cloth much too narrow +for serious use. But her webs were bought always by certain shopkeepers +who knew her story; and they made her presents of very small cups, tiny +flower-vases, and queer dwarf-trees for her garden. + +Her greatest pleasure was the companionship of children; and this she +never lacked. Japanese child-life is mostly passed in temple courts; +and many happy childhoods were spent in the court of the Amida-ji. All +the mothers in that street liked to have their little ones play there, +but cautioned them never to laugh at the Bikuni-San. "Sometimes her +ways are strange," they would say; "but that is because she once had a +little son, who died, and the pain became too great for her mother's +heart. So you must be very good and respectful to her." + +Good they were, but not quite respectful in the reverential sense. They +knew better than to be that. They called her "Bikuni-San" always, and +saluted her nicely; but otherwise they treated her like one of +themselves. They played games with her; and she gave them tea in +extremely small cups, and made for them heaps of rice-cakes not much +bigger than peas, and wove upon her loom cloth of cotton and cloth of +silk for the robes of their dolls. So she became to them as a +blood-sister. + +They played with her daily till they grew too big to play, and left the +court of the temple of Amida to begin the bitter work of life, and to +become the fathers and mothers of children whom they sent to play in +their stead. These learned to love the Bikuni-San like their parents +had done. And the Bikuni-San lived to play with the children of the +children of the children of those who remembered when her temple was +built. + +The people took good heed that she should not know want. There was +always given to her more than she needed for herself. So she was able +to be nearly as kind to the children as she wished, and to feed +extravagantly certain small animals. Birds nested in her temple, and +ate from her hand, and learned not to perch upon the heads of the +Buddhas. + + +Some days after her funeral, a crowd of children visited my house. A +little girl of nine years spoke for them all: + +"Sir, we are asking for the sake of the Bikuni-San who is dead. A very +large _haka_[9] has been set up for her. It is a nice haka. But we +want to give her also a very, very small haka, because in the time she +was with us she often said that she would like a very little haka. And +the stone-cutter has promised to cut it for us, and to make it very +pretty, if we can bring the money. Therefore perhaps you will honorably +give something." + + [9] Tombstone. + +"Assuredly," I said. "But now you will have nowhere to play." + +She answered, smiling: + +"We shall still play in the court of the temple of Amida. She is buried +there. She will hear our playing, and be glad." + + + + +HARU + + +Haru was brought up, chiefly at home, in that old-fashioned way which +produced one of the sweetest types of woman the world has ever seen. +This domestic education cultivated simplicity of heart, natural grace +of manner, obedience, and love of duty as they were never cultivated +but in Japan. Its moral product was something too gentle and beautiful +for any other than the old Japanese society: it was not the most +judicious preparation for the much harsher life of the new--in which it +still survives. The refined girl was trained for the condition of being +theoretically at the mercy of her husband. She was taught never to show +jealousy, or grief, or anger--even under circumstances compelling all +three; she was expected to conquer the faults of her lord by pure +sweetness. In short, she was required to be almost superhuman--to +realize, at least in outward seeming, the ideal of perfect +unselfishness. And this she could do with a husband of her own rank, +delicate in discernment--able to divine her feelings, and never to +wound them. + +Haru came of a much better family than her husband; and she was a +little too good for him, because he could not really understand her. +They had been married very young, had been poor at first, and then had +gradually become well-off, because Haru's husband was a clever man of +business. Sometimes she thought he had loved her most when they were +less well-off; and a woman is seldom mistaken about such matters. + +She still made all his clothes; and he commended her needle-work. She +waited upon his wants; aided him to dress and undress; made everything +comfortable for him in their pretty home, bade him a charming farewell +as he went to business in the morning, and welcomed him upon his +return; received his friends exquisitely; managed his household matters +with wonderful economy; and seldom asked any favors that cost money. +Indeed she scarcely needed such favors; for he was never ungenerous, +and liked to see her daintily dressed--looking like some beautiful +silver moth robed in the folding of its own wings--and to take her to +theatres and other places of amusement. She accompanied him to +pleasure-resorts famed for the blossoming of cherry-trees in spring, or +the shimmering of fireflies on summer nights, or the crimsoning of +maples in autumn. And sometimes they would pass a day together at +Maiko, by the sea, where the pines seem to sway like dancing girls; or +an afternoon at Kiyomidzu, in the old, old summer-house, where +everything is like a dream of five hundred years ago--and where there +is a great shadowing of high woods, and a song of water leaping cold +and clear from caverns, and always the plaint of flutes unseen, blown +softly in the antique way--a tone-caress of peace and sadness blending, +just as the gold light glooms into blue over a dying sun. + +Except for such small pleasures and excursions, Haru went out seldom. +Her only living relatives, and also those of her husband, were far away +in other provinces; and she had few visits to make. She liked to be at +home, arranging flowers for the alcoves or for the gods, decorating the +rooms, and feeding the tame gold-fish of the garden-pond, which would +lift up their heads when they saw her coming. + +No child had yet brought new joy or sorrow into her life. She looked, +in spite of her wife's coiffure, like a very young girl; and she was +still simple as a child--notwithstanding that business capacity in +small things which her husband so admired that he often condescended to +ask her counsel in big things. Perhaps the heart then judged for him +better than the pretty head; but, whether intuitive or not, her advice +never proved wrong. She was happy enough with him for five +years--during which time he showed himself as considerate as any young +Japanese merchant could well be towards a wife of finer character than +his own. + +Then his manner suddenly became cold--so suddenly that she felt assured +the reason was not that which a childless wife might have reason to +fear. Unable to discover the real cause, she tried to persuade herself +that she had been remiss in her duties; examined her innocent +conscience to no purpose; and tried very, very hard to please. But he +remained unmoved. He spoke no unkind words--though she felt behind his +silence the repressed tendency to utter them. A Japanese of the better +class is not very apt to be unkind to his wife in words. It is thought +to be vulgar and brutal. The educated man of normal disposition will +even answer a wife's reproaches with gentle phrases. Common politeness, +by the Japanese code, exacts this attitude from every manly man; +moreover, it is the only safe one. A refined and sensitive woman will +not long submit to coarse treatment; a spirited one may even kill +herself because of something said in a moment of passion, and such a +suicide disgraces the husband for the rest of his life. But there are +slow cruelties worse than words, and safer--neglect or indifference, +for example, of a sort to arouse jealousy. A Japanese wife has indeed +been trained never to show jealousy; but the feeling is older than all +training--old as love, and likely to live as long. Beneath her +passionless mask the Japanese wife feels like her Western sister--just +like that sister who prays and prays, even while delighting some +evening assembly of beauty and fashion, for the coming of the hour +which will set her free to relieve her pain alone. + +Haru had cause for jealousy; but she was too much of a child to guess +the cause at once; and her servants too fond of her to suggest it. Her +husband had been accustomed to pass his evenings in her company, either +at home or elsewhere. But now, evening after evening, he went out by +himself. The first time he had given her some business pretexts; +afterwards he gave none, and did not even tell her when he expected to +return. Latterly, also, he had been treating her with silent rudeness. +He had become changed--"as if there was a goblin in his heart"--the +servants said. As a matter of fact he had been deftly caught in a snare +set for him. One whisper from a geisha had numbed his will; one smile +blinded his eyes. She was far less pretty than his wife; but she was +very skillful in the craft of spinning webs--webs of sensual delusion +which entangle weak men, and always tighten more and more about them +until the final hour of mockery and ruin. Haru did not know. She +suspected no wrong till after her husband's strange conduct had become +habitual--and even then only because she found that his money was +passing into unknown hands. He had never told her where he passed his +evenings. And she was afraid to ask, lest he should think her jealous. +Instead of exposing her feelings in words, she treated him with such +sweetness that a more intelligent husband would have divined all. But, +except in business, he was dull. He continued to pass his evenings +away; and as his conscience grew feebler, his absences lengthened. Haru +had been taught that a good wife should always sit up and wait for her +lord's return at night; and by so doing she suffered from nervousness, +and from the feverish conditions that follow sleeplessness, and from +the lonesomeness of her waiting after the servants, kindly dismissed at +the usual hour, had left her with her thoughts. Once only, returning +very late, her husband said to her: "I am sorry you should have sat up +so late for me; do not wait like that again!" Then, fearing he might +really have been pained on her account, she laughed pleasantly, and +said: "I was not sleepy, and I am not tired; honorably please not to +think about me." So he ceased to think about her--glad to take her at +her word; and not long after that he stayed away for one whole night. +The next night he did likewise, and a third night. After that third +night's absence he failed even to return for the morning meal; and Haru +knew the time had come when her duty as a wife obliged her to speak. + +She waited through all the morning hours, fearing for him, fearing for +herself also; conscious at last of the wrong by which a woman's heart +can be most deeply wounded. Her faithful servants had told her +something; the rest she could guess. She was very ill, and did not know +it. She knew only that she was angry--selfishly angry, because of the +pain given her--cruel, probing, sickening pain. Midday came as she sat +thinking how she could say least selfishly what it was now her duty to +say,--the first words of reproach that would ever have passed her lips. +Then her heart leaped with a shock that made everything blur and swim +before her sight in a whirl of dizziness--because there was a sound of +kuruma-wheels and the voice of a servant calling: "Honorable-return-is!" + +She struggled to the entrance to meet him, all her slender body +a-tremble with fever and pain, and terror of betraying that pain. And +the man was startled, because instead of greeting him with the +accustomed smile, she caught the bosom of his silk robe in one +quivering little hand--and looked into his face with eyes that seemed +to search for some shred of a soul--and tried to speak, but could utter +only the single word, "Anata?"[10] Almost in the same moment her weak +grasp loosened, her eyes closed with a strange smile; and even before +he could put out his arms to support her, she fell. He sought to lift +her. But something in the delicate life had snapped. She was dead. + + [10] "Thou?" + +There were astonishments, of course, and tears, and useless callings of +her name, and much running for doctors. But she lay white and still and +beautiful, all the pain and anger gone out of her face, and smiling as +on her bridal day. + +Two physicians came from the public hospital--Japanese military +surgeons. They asked straight, hard questions--questions that cut open +the self of the man down to the core. Then they told him truth cold and +sharp as edged steel--and left him with his dead. + + +The people wondered he did not become a priest--fair evidence that his +conscience had been awakened. By day he sits among his bales of Kyoto +silks and Osaka figured goods--earnest and silent. His clerks think him +a good master; he never speaks harshly. Often he works far into the +night; and he has changed his dwelling-place. There are strangers in +the pretty house where Haru lived; and the owner never visits it. +Perhaps because he might see there one slender shadow, still arranging +flowers, or bending with iris-grace above the goldfish in his pond. But +wherever he rest, sometime in the silent hours he must see the same +soundless presence near his pillow--sewing, smoothing, softly seeming +to make beautiful the robes he once put on only to betray. And at other +times--in the busiest moments of his busy life--the clamor of the great +shop dies; the ideographs of his ledger dim and vanish; and a plaintive +little voice, which the gods refuse to silence, utters into the +solitude of his heart, like a question, the single word--"Anata?" + + +THE END + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Kimiko and Other Japanese Sketches, by +Lafcadio Hearn + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41579 *** |