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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41274 ***
+
+Transcriber's note: The errata listed at the end of the work have been
+corrected where they occur in the text.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+A NEW
+
+CATALOGUE
+
+OF
+
+VULGAR ERRORS.
+
+BY
+
+STEPHEN FOVARGUE, A.M.
+
+FELLOW OF ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    In many Cases one with Amazement hears the Arguings, and is astonished
+    at the Obstinacy, of a worthy Man, who yields not to the Evidence of
+    Reason, tho' laid before him as clear as Day-light. LOCKE.
+
+    _Sunt delicta tamen, quibus ignovisse velimus._ HOR.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+_CAMBRIDGE_,
+Printed for the AUTHOR:
+
+    Sold by FLETCHER & HODSON in Cambridge; S. CROWDER in Pater-noster-Row,
+    J. DODSLEY in Pall-Mall, M. HINGESTON near Temple-Bar, and G. KEARSLY
+    in Ludgate-street, London; J. FLETCHER at Oxford; and the Booksellers
+    at Norwich, Lynn, York, and Newcastle. 1767.
+
+(Price HALF A CROWN.)
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PREFACE.
+
+To explain the Use of Education, no Method can be more effectual, than to
+shew what dull Mistakes and silly Notions Men are apt to be led into for
+Want of it. These Mistakes are so numerous, that if we were to undertake to
+divulge all the Errors that Men of no Knowledge in the Sciences labour
+under, the shortest Way would be to publish a compleat System of Natural
+Philosophy, which Learning, as it may be acquired by reading the different
+Books, which have already been wrote upon that Subject, in this Æra of the
+Sciences, such an Undertaking would be quite needless at this Time, even
+supposing the Author capable of that laborious Work.
+
+If the following Sheets do but serve to divest Men of some of those
+unreasonable Obstinacies with which they and their Forefathers have long
+been prepossessed, the Time will be well laid out, both of the Writer and
+Reader.
+
+Be not affronted, gentle Reader, at my taxing thee with Error, with
+Obstinacy, or the like; thou mayest not be one of that Stamp; for any Thing
+I know you may have studied the Sciences, you may be well versed in
+Mechanics, Optics, Hydrostatics, and Astronomy; you may have made the Tour
+of Europe, if not, you may soon do it in Post-Chaises, and be almost as
+wise as you was when you went out; or you may be one of those whom
+bountiful Nature has blessed with a most excellent Understanding, a quick
+Apprehension, and a discerning Judgment, and yet not have been so
+fortunate, or unfortunate, which you think proper to term it, as to have
+been brought up a Scholar.
+
+Scoff not when we dwell so much upon Scholarship; for I would have thee
+know, whether thou thinkest proper to believe me or not, that had it not
+been for the four Branches of Learning abovementioned, thou wouldest not
+have been smoaking that Pipe of right Virginia, which in all Probability
+(whether thou art a Farmer in the Country, or a Mechanic in London) thou
+art now most pompously blowing to Ashes: Neither would that charming Bowl
+of Rum and Brandy Punch mixed, have waited at thy Elbow to inspire thee
+with generous Sentiments (which Punch, let me tell thee, if thou drinkest
+in Moderation, may keep thee from the Ague, if thou livest in the Hundreds
+of Essex.)--Nay, thou wouldest not even have known what it was to have
+tasted a Plumb-Pudding, which, tho' now, thy Palate being vitiated with
+salt Pork and Mustard, and bottled Beer, thou hast no Relish for, yet thou
+mayest remember the Time when thou didst think it most delicious Food. To
+Philosophy art thou beholden for all these Dainties and Comforts of Life,
+which if thou dost contradict, and dost still obstinately persist in thy
+own Opinion, and wilt not be convinced of thy Errors, know, Dust and Ashes,
+that thou art not sensible whether thou movest or standest still; and dost
+imagine, that the glorious Sun is an extempore Whirligig.
+
+Wonder not, Reader, if thou art a Man of Sense, that thou shouldest be
+mistaken in many Things: For what Mortal can pretend to such Knowledge as
+never to be mistaken? Truth is more difficult to be found out than is
+generally imagined: Error is easily fallen into; by so much the easier as
+the Odds are against us: For in the Disquisition of any Point, there are
+numberless Wrongs, but there is only one Right. Numberless Falshoods and
+Errors may be raised about any Thing, but Truth is invariable, and remains
+the same to all Eternity.
+
+The following Sheets will not contain many philosophical Terms; we shall
+rather avoid such a Step as would hinder a great Part of our Readers from
+understanding us, and shall endeavour to explain ourselves by such Methods
+as the meanest Capacity will be able to comprehend. Moreover, all such
+Subjects will be avoided as may interfere with any religious Tenets, it not
+being the Intention of this Pamphlet to deprive Men of their Rest, by
+tearing from their Consciences those fixed Protestant Principles of
+Religion (let them be what they will) which they and their Ancestors have
+long and peaceably enjoyed. But our Disquisitions will be chiefly confined
+to natural Objects, and the Phænomena which daily present themselves to our
+View. We shall likewise endeavour to rectify some of those Mistakes in the
+common Arts of Life, whether of Business or Pleasure, which Men by an
+accustomed Tradition are apt most obstinately to persevere in.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+The third Error is one which Sir Thomas Brown has taken Notice of; and it
+must be acknowledged, that the inserting of it here was a Mistake. However,
+we hope that it will be excused, since it is seven Years since the Author
+of this little Pamphlet had the Pleasure of reading _a Part_ of Dr. Brown's
+Vulgar Errors, and then he did not see that Error; it being not regularly
+placed among the others, but in a separate Detachment from the main Body.
+Notwithstanding the general Perspicuity of this Author, we are apt to think
+that he never heard a Bittern himself, but only went by Hearsay with
+respect to the Noise which is made by that Bird, however skilled he shews
+himself in the Anatomy of it. He says, that it differs but little from the
+croaking of a Raven. We can assure the Reader, that neither the Noise it
+makes when it draws in the Air, nor the Sound it gives when it throws it
+out again, have the least Resemblance to the Croaking of a Raven, as he
+calls it.
+
+A Raven makes a much shriller Noise than any of the Crow Kind,
+notwithstanding it is a larger Bird. I make no Doubt but the Voice of a
+Raven is twelve or thirteen Notes higher than the Voice of a Rook; besides,
+he makes his Notes quick and sharp one after another; whereas a Bittern
+takes near five Seconds between every Sound, and (as will be affirmed) in
+as deep a Note as the fourth String of a double Bass.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  ERROR I.
+
+    _That the more Ammunition is put into a Fowling Piece, the farther it
+    will do Execution._
+
+This Error is often of very dangerous and dreadful Consequence; I have
+known People so obstinate in it, that even ocular Demonstration would not
+convince them of their Mistake.
+
+It proceeds from a Notion, that the more a Gun recoils, the better and
+stronger will be the Force with which the Shot fly out.
+
+There is nothing which requires more Nicety and Exactness than the finding
+out the proper Charge of a Gun; it is something similar to finding out the
+Tone of a musical Instrument; of which more in its Place.
+
+It will be sufficient here to say, that every Gun has a certain fixed
+Quantity of Ammunition, with which it does the most Execution. I have seen
+Lectures in the Art of Gunnery, which come under the Science of Mechanics,
+and even the Author himself, though a Man of Learning and Abilities, seems
+to have been ignorant of the Art of charging a Gun, when he says, "If you
+put in a Gun, a Ball upon a Quantity of Powder as (1), it will throw the
+Ball to such a Distance; if you put in a Quantity as (2), it will throw it
+as far again." This seems to be a Mistake; because, if that was the Case, a
+Person would have nothing to do but to put Powder enough into his Gun, and
+have the Barrel made strong enough, and he need not fear killing at any
+Distance. As to the Recoil it would give, if the Gunner was a strong
+Country Gentleman, and a keen Sportsman, and an Englishman, it would be the
+least of his Thoughts whether it struck him a great Blow or a small one.
+
+But to the Point: There is no better Way of finding out the proper Charge
+of a Gun, than by the Report it gives. If there is too much Powder and too
+little Shot, the Report will be a kind of a deep Roar; if too little Powder
+and too much Shot, it will be an insignificant, short, narrow Smack; but if
+it is charged properly, the Report will be a smart, shrill Clap, something
+resembling Thunder.
+
+This is the Reason why the Report of a Sportsman's Gun is so different from
+that of a Field-Keeper's. The Field-Keeper has, or ought to have, no Shot
+in his Piece; the Sportsman's is properly loaded.
+
+In short, there is a Tone in the Barrel of a Gun, and the better the Temper
+of the Metal is, the more shrill will be the Report, and the farther it
+will do Execution.
+
+I have dwelt the longer upon this Subject, because a Gun is an ugly Weapon
+in the Hands of those who are either ignorant or careless, or both.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  II.
+
+    _That the Heron makes a Hole in the Bottom of her Nest, through which
+    her Feet hang, when she sits upon her Eggs._
+
+What seems to have led People into this Error, is, the Appearance which a
+Heron makes upon her Nest: You may sometimes see her Feet when she is
+sitting.
+
+Now it seems unaccountable, how a Bird should sit upon her Eggs on a Tree,
+and yet her Feet appear to a Spectator below. For any Person who takes
+Notice of a Bird sitting upon her Eggs, will find that she doubles them up
+under her, and that they are hid among her Feathers and the Eggs; so that
+if this is the Case, there can be no other Way of seeing her Feet, but by a
+Hole through the Bottom of the Nest.
+
+But this is not the Case with the Heron, nor the Bittern, another Bird
+resembling the Heron. When these Birds sit upon their Nests, their Legs lie
+straight out behind them, in a Line parallel to the Plain of the Horizon,
+in the same Posture as when they fly. This accounts for the Phoenomenon of
+the Feet appearing on the outside of the Nest.
+
+These Birds have Legs of a remarkable Length, as every one must know, for
+they are a very common Bird; and when they sit, or rather lie, upon their
+Eggs in the abovesaid Posture, the Nest is unable to contain these long
+Legs, and by that Means they hang over the Side of it, and are seen by
+those who are under the Trees on which they build.
+
+With regard to any Thing of a Hole through the Bottom of the Nest, nothing
+can be more fabulous: I once had the Sight of a large Tree, which had been
+blown down in a high Wind, and was full of Heron's Nests. They are built
+exactly in the Form of a Crow's Nest, and of the same Materials, only as
+the Nests were larger than those of Crows, so there were some larger Pieces
+of Sticks than Crows generally make Use of; and so far are they from having
+a Hole at the Bottom, that it was impossible to find a Passage through any
+Part of the Nest, with a stout walking Stick, so firm was the Texture of
+them.
+
+If any one doubts of this, if he will take the Trouble to climb any Tree in
+a Heronry, he will be convinced of the Truth of what has been said, by
+ocular Demonstration. But I would not advise him to do it when there are
+young ones.
+
+As the Bittern has been mentioned in this Section, it will not be amiss to
+put in a Word or two concerning an Error, which passes very current in
+Countries where this Bird is found, and which we may venture to assert is
+equally fabulous with the former. It is,
+
+                  III.
+
+    _That the Bittern puts his Bill or Beak into a Reed, and that the Reed
+    gives, by the Breath and Motion of the Beak of the Bird, that deep and
+    loud Note which we so frequently hear him make as he lies in a Fenn._
+
+This Bird, on Account of the Noise he makes, which is much such a one as if
+a Person was to express the Word Bump in a deep Note, is in many Countries
+called a Butter-Bump: Nevertheless the true Name of him is Bittern, as may
+be seen in several Books.
+
+One particular Proof that Bittern is the true and ancient Name, may be seen
+in Stephens's Monasticon. The Author is giving us an Account of some
+Expenses which the Abbey of Peterborough was at, and among others there is
+a Bill made of the Expences for the Supper at the Funeral of one of the
+Abbots of that Convent, in which, among a great Number of other costly
+Dishes, and a Hogshead or two of Wine, which were drank, and an incredible
+Quantity of other Things too tedious to mention, there is a Sum set down
+for a great Number of Bitterns; from which we may venture to conclude, that
+they were esteemed very delicate eating amongst those Connoisseurs.
+
+I hope the Reader will pardon this Digression from the Point in Hand, when
+I take Occasion to observe, that here is another vulgar Error, which
+supposes, that the present Times are more luxurious than the past. For to
+convince us of this Mistake, we need go no farther than the aforesaid Book,
+and there we shall find, that as much Money was laid out, (in Proportion to
+the Scarcity of Coin in those Times) upon the Funeral of one of those
+Abbots, as in the present Age will pay the Expences of a whole College for
+a Twelvemonth.
+
+But to return to our Bitterns: That they were esteemed very delicate eating
+at that Time, is plain, by their being served up at so splendid an
+Entertainment; and we think it may be called another vulgar Error, in a
+Farmer to suffer so fine a Bird to lie upon his Dunghill, while he and his
+Wife and Family are regaling upon restie Bacon; which, as great an Error as
+it is, I have known done, and a Person who knew the Value of the Bird, has
+taken the Bittern from off the Dunghill, and dressed it, and made a
+delicious Meal.
+
+But it is now Time to say something concerning the Error about the Noise it
+makes.
+
+It is very absurd to suppose it possible, that this deep Note can proceed
+from the Bird's putting his Beak into a Reed, even if it's Beak was formed
+for the Purpose. Every one who knows of what vast Dimensions an Organ-Pipe
+must be, to give such a loud, deep, bass Note as the Noise of a Bittern,
+knows also, that a Reed is incapable of making such a Noise as that. It
+must be something with a hollow Tube of a much larger Diameter than a Reed,
+and the Wind must be thrown in with the greatest Exactness, both in regard
+to the Quantity of the Wind, and the Manner in which it is let in; and
+moreover the Tube must have a proper Aperture made towards the End of it,
+of an exact Dimension according to the Size of the Tube, before it will
+give any thing like a Tone at all. But here is a Sound as deep as the
+fourth String of a double Bass, given by an Animal, that may be heard four
+or five Miles off, in a still Evening.
+
+The most probable Conjecture is, that the Noise is made by the Animal
+itself, with the Assistance of Nature alone; and we shall have the more
+Reason to be of that Opinion, if we examine the Throat of the Bird, which
+is of so uncommon a Size, that a moderate Hand would go down it.
+
+Now a Sound given from the Windpipe into such a Cavern as this, may very
+probably be the Cause of this deep Tone. It acts upon the same Principle as
+when a Person closes his Lips, and sounds a deep Note with his Voice.
+Perhaps after the Reader has made the Experiment, (as in all Probability he
+will do) he may be convinced that it is a vulgar Error, to suppose that a
+Bittern puts his Beak into a Reed, when he makes that remarkable Noise
+Which is heard in a Fenn.
+
+It may not appear foreign to the Purpose, when I say that I have heard a
+Bittern make the Noise abovementioned, and that I have gone to the Spot,
+which was coarse Grass or Flags, just mowed, where there were no Reeds; and
+the Bird rose up before me.
+
+Here I must beg Leave to put in a Word or two, by way of corroborating what
+has been said about the Heron and the Bittern lying flat upon their Nests,
+with their Legs parallel to the Plain of the Horizon.
+
+When the aforesaid Bittern rose up, I shot, and wounded him slightly, and
+marked him down again in the same Kind of Grass or short mowed Flags. As
+the Grass was not higher than one's Shoes, and it was wounded, I was in
+Hopes of having the Pleasure of seeing him lie on the Ground very plain.
+However I let my Pointer go first, knowing that he would stand at the
+Place. Accordingly made a dead Point at it. I came up as silent as
+possible, to take a View of it, but to my great Surprize, nothing was to be
+seen.
+
+There was indeed something which appeared long, like two green Weeds lying
+among the Grass, and there was something like a large Spot of dryed Grass
+or Flags a little before them.
+
+While I was looking at the Place, the Dog, being out of Patience, seized
+Hold of this Phoenomenon, which proved to be no other than the Bittern
+itself. Those Things which seemed to be green Weeds, were it's Legs
+extended at the full Length, behind the Bird, as it lay quite flat upon
+it's Belly; and that broad Spot of brown or dried Grass was the Body, with
+the Wings extended to their full Stretch, quite flat upon the Ground,
+which, I believe, formed as compleat a Deceptio Visus as any Thing in
+Nature.
+
+Thus we see how wonderfully these Animals are formed for their
+Self-Preservation; so wonderfully, that though they are near as large as a
+Heron, and much of the same Shape, it must be a keen Eye that distinguishes
+their long green Legs from Weeds, and their brown Backs from dried Grass;
+but this Deceptio Visus is so notorious in Partridge, and many other
+Species of Game, that there is no Occasion to dwell any longer upon that;
+only what has been said may serve to convince the Reader of the Truth of
+what has been observed in the foregoing Section, concerning the Posture of
+a Heron and a Bittern on their Nests.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  IV.
+
+    _That the Tone of a Violin is to be brought out, by laying on like a
+    Blacksmith._
+
+Before we can convince such of our Readers as have no Knowledge in that
+Part of Pneumatics which is called Harmonics, of this Mistake, it will be
+necessary just to give a short Account of the Cause of Sound in stringed
+Instruments.
+
+In the first Place, all Sound proceeds from Undulations in the Air, which
+is an elastic Fluid; and with regard to these Undulations, is much of the
+same Nature as Water, which is another Fluid, but differs from Air in many
+Respects. Now when a Person throws a Stone into Water, these Undulations or
+Waves are raised in the Fluid for some Distance, by the Force and Action of
+one Wave upon another. This is the Case with regard to Sound; only the Air
+being an elastic Fluid, these Undulations are more quick and brisk in their
+Motions than in Water. So much for Sound itself. Now for the Cause of this
+Sound, or of these Undulations.
+
+These Undulations are caused by the Vibration of some elastic Body, which
+is put into Motion by a Stroke of another Body against it. It must be an
+elastic Body (take notice) for upon that Word depends the Truth of what is
+going to be alledged. To convince the Reader of the Truth of this, he has
+nothing to do but to take a Rolling Pin, and strike it against a Pound of
+Butter, and he will find very little or no Sound at all, because Butter has
+very little Elasticity or Spring in it; but if he strikes the aforesaid
+Implement against the Table, he will find Sound enough, because most Tables
+are made of Wood, which is a very elastic Body. If there is no Butter in
+the House, Wax will do as well or better, for it will prove that a Body may
+be hard without being elastic, and which will be very much to the Purpose.
+It will be necessary, before we can get any further, to explain what
+Vibration is, a Word very commonly made Use of among Musical Men, tho' but
+little understood.
+
+To be as short as possible; a Piece of Lead hung upon the End of a String,
+which moves backwards and forwards of itself after being first put into
+Motion, is called a Pendulum, and that Motion backwards and forwards is
+called its Vibration; it is upon this Principle that elastic Bodies are the
+Cause of Sound. It will be best illustrated in a Musical Instrument,
+besides that is the Point in Hand; and to be more to the Point still, we
+will suppose it a Violin, though any other stringed Instrument would answer
+the same End.
+
+Here we have four Strings stretched out upon a Bridge, or thin Piece of
+Wood, which communicates to the Belly of the Instrument, from which Belly
+the greatest Part of the Tone proceeds. Now a String drawn tight at both
+Ends, when it is struck, will have a Vibration or tremulous Motion, which
+Vibration, or tremulous Motion, acts upon the same Principle as a Pendulum
+does in a Cycloid, or, to speak as plain as possible, as a Pendulum does
+when it is put into it's proper Motion.
+
+It is upon this Principle of Vibration then, or tremulous Motion, that the
+String of a Violin, being moved by the Bow, is to act: The String
+immediately communicates it's tremulous Motion to the Bridge, and the
+Bridge to the Belly of the Instrument, which Belly being made of a very
+elastic Wood, by it's Vibration and free Motion, acts upon the Air in the
+Manner abovementioned.
+
+As it is the great Elasticity of the Wood which is to cause the Tone, it
+ought to have as little Confinement in it's Vibrations as is possible; the
+Weight of the Strings must indeed press against it, otherwise they could
+not communicate their Motion to it. We should therefore be careful not to
+over-string the Instrument, since it so plainly contradicts the Principles
+of Pneumatics.
+
+It is easy to hear when an Instrument is over-strung; and sometimes an
+Octave in a Harpsichord, by it's additional Number of Strings, shall render
+the Tone of the Instrument so dead, that, though it gives a Sprightliness
+peculiar to an Octave, yet it sometimes hardly compensates for the Loss of
+Tone which it causes in the Unisons, by it's too great Pressure upon the
+Belly of the Instrument.
+
+And yet notwithstanding all this, what is more common than to see a
+Performer, with his Waistcoat unbuttoned, laying Strokes on a Violin, heavy
+enough to fell an Ox.
+
+The Truth is, managing the Bow is slight, and we must make Use of Art more
+than Strength in our Performance: moreover, it is an Art which cannot be
+wrote down upon Paper, nor explained in Words, but must be learned by the
+Example and Direction of some assiduous Master. However what has been said
+may serve to shew, from Philosophical Principles, the Error of leaning too
+hard upon the Instrument, which was the Thing intended to be done.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  V.
+
+    _That the farther you go South, the hotter is the Climate._
+
+Gentle Reader, as thou art a Person of Understanding, thou wilt pardon the
+Want of Connection and Form which thou findest in the different Subjects
+which are here started for thy Entertainment: It would be very easy, in the
+fair Copy which will be wrote over, to range them, in an Order, suitable to
+the different Branches to which they belong; but why should I pester thee
+with Form, when there is nothing so agreeable to a Man of Taste as an easy
+Variety? Therefore, though it is ten to one that, before I have done with
+thee, I shall have some more Discourse with thee about Musical Instruments,
+yet I shall not humour thee as a Critic so much as to give thee it now;
+well knowing, that if thou art determined to _Review_ me, thou mayest find
+Abundance of other Opportunities for it in this Book: And likewise, that if
+thou dost approve of what is here discussed, thou wilt, if thou art a
+good-natured honest Fellow, pass by a little Incorrectness; for what else
+can a Man hope for in a Book which treats of nothing but Blunders? However
+the two following Sections may afford thee some Entertainment, if thou art
+a Man of Learning, and if thou art not a Man of Learning, they will give
+thee some Instruction; and to tell thee the Truth, the Subject of them is
+so Philosophical, that if we were not fully convinced of the Truth of what
+will be alledged, we should be afraid to undertake it.
+
+For in this little Pamphlet, Philosophy will be avoided as much as
+possible, that is, it never will be introduced at all, unless it is
+absolutely necessary to call in it's Aid, in order to prove the Truth of
+any Thing which shall be asserted. But to the Point; which is, to rectify
+the vulgar Error, which supposes, that the farther a Person goes South, the
+hotter will be the Climate.
+
+This is so well known to be an Error, by all Men of Science, and by all
+Navigators, that it is needless to say much about it, only just to relate
+the Truth, that those who are mistaken in their Way may be set in the right
+Road. But to proceed.
+
+The two Poles of the Earth, that is, the two North and South Extremities of
+the Globe, are in such a Position, or are so inclined to the Sun, or to the
+Plain of the Ecliptic, as never to have any Rays fall directly over their
+Heads, or they never have him any higher than a little above their Horizon,
+or the Surface of the Earth; for which Reason it is always cold at the
+North and South Poles, which will naturally be the Case, as any one may
+experience by the different Position of the Sun, in Summer and Winter, in
+our own Climates.
+
+The Case is exactly contrary at the Æquator, or on the Middle of the Globe,
+which is farthest from the two Poles, for there they have the Sun over
+their Heads at Noon all the Year round; for which Reason it is always hot
+under the Line, yet not always the hottest of any Part of the Globe, as has
+been sometimes philosophically supposed, and which shall be the Subject of
+the next Chapter, to introduce which this was principally intended.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  VI.
+
+    _That exactly under the Æquator is always the hottest Climate on the
+    Globe._
+
+This Error by no Means ought to be called a vulgar one; because it is a
+Course of Philosophical Study, joined to a Want of Experience, which gives
+Occasion to it. It is the Result of a Knowledge of the general Cause of
+Heat and Cold, in different Degrees of Latitude upon the Surface of the
+Earth; which Knowledge is apt to apply the Rules of Astronomy, that explain
+the Phoenomena of Nature in general, to every Purpose that offers itself,
+in all Cases, without being able to search into the individual Parts of a
+System, on Account of the Distance of the Objects which are the Subjects of
+Enquiry. For though, as has been said before, for a just Astronomical
+Reason, the Position will hold good, that those Inhabitants who are under
+the Line, live in the hottest Climate in general, yet it is proved by the
+Experience of Navigators, that in several Parts under the Æquator there is
+a fine, mild, soft Climate, even excelling any of those in the temperate
+Zones; so happily are Things disposed for the Purposes of Animal Life, by
+the Author of Nature.
+
+This is a Truth which we are constrained to believe, as we have so many
+living Witnesses in our own Country, who are ready to assert it.
+
+We have one accurate Account in Anson's Voyage, where the Author reasons
+very Philosophically upon the Subject. This Author tells us, that the Crew
+of the Centurion were in some Uneasiness about the Heat of the Climate,
+which they expected they were to undergo, when they came to that Part of
+the Æquator which is near the American Coast, upon the South Sea; but that
+when they came under the Line, instead of those scalding Winds which
+sometimes blow in immensely hot Climates, they were agreeably surprized
+with the softest Zephyrs imaginable; and that, instead of being scorched by
+the perpendicular Rays of the Sun, they had a fine Covering of thin grey
+Clouds over their Heads, and just enough of them to serve for a Screen,
+without looking dark and disagreeable. Many other Beauties of the Climate
+the Author describes, which need not be mentioned here, as it is easy to
+see the Book.
+
+He accounts for the extraordinary Mildness of the Climate in Words to this
+Purpose:
+
+"There are Mountains on the Sea Coast of this Latitude, of an enormous
+Height and great Extent, called the Andes, the Tops and Sides of which are
+covered with everlasting Snow. These Mountains cast a Shade and Coolness
+round them, for several Leagues, and by their Influence it is, that the
+Climate is so temperate under that Part of the Line. But, says the Author,
+when we had sailed beyond the Æquator, into four or five Degrees of North
+Latitude, and were got out of the Influence of those Mountains covered with
+Snow, we then began to feel that we were near the Line, and the Climate was
+as hot as we could have expected to have found it at the Æquator itself."
+
+There can be no Doubt of the Truth of this Account: No Man would have made
+such Assertions as these, if they had not been true, when there were so
+many living Witnesses to have contradicted such an idle, needless Falshood
+as this would have been. And indeed the Appearance of wise Design in the
+Author of Nature is no where more conspicuous than in these Instances of
+his Care for the Preservation of the animal System. What could we have
+expected more than Mountains of Snow in Greenland? And even in those frozen
+Regions we have as great Instances of the same Providence: When the Springs
+are all frozen up, in that severe Climate, they have sometimes, even in the
+middle of Winter, such mild South Winds as serve to thaw the Snow, so as to
+cause Water to settle in the Valleys, and to run under the Ice in
+Quantities large enough to serve the Purposes of animal Life; not to
+mention the great Quantities of Timber which the Surf of the Sea brings
+upon that Coast, from other Countries; without which the Inhabitants would
+have no Firing, nor Timber for their Huts, nor Shafts for their Arrows, as
+there are no Trees in that Country.
+
+And now I hope it will not be thought too bold an Analogy if we presume to
+say, that as, contrary to all Expectation, at the Æquator (where
+intolerable Heat might be expected) the Inhabitants are provided with
+Mountains covered with Snow, to qualify their Atmosphere; why may not we
+suppose, that at the very Poles themselves there may be some Cause, unknown
+to us, which may render the Climate serene and mild, even in that supposed
+uninhabitable Part of the Globe? Why may there not be hot, burning Minerals
+in the Earth at the Poles, as well as snowy Mountains at the Æquator?
+
+We have Reason to think that the Composition of the Earth, at that Part of
+the Globe, is of an extraordinary Nature; as the magnetic Quality of it is
+to be apprehended, from it's immediate Attraction of the Needle. We are
+entirely ignorant of the Soil, of the Place, and of the Constitution of the
+Inhabitants, if there are any. We are certain that, near Greenland, there
+are Sands of so extraordinary a Nature, that the Wind will carry great
+Clouds of them several Leagues to Sea, and they will fall into the Eyes and
+Mouths of Navigators, who are sailing past the Coast, at a great Distance.
+This Instance only serves to shew, that we may be quite ignorant of the
+Nature of the Soil which is under the Pole; we cannot tell whether it
+consists of Mountains or Caverns, fiery Volcanos or craggy Rocks, of Ice,
+Land, or Water, cultivated Fields or barren Desarts.
+
+What has been laid will seem less strange, if we look back into the Notions
+which the Ancients had of the Torrid Zone. It is not long since it was
+thought, that only the Temperate Zone on this Side the Æquator was
+habitable; so far were they from attempting to find out another Temperate
+Zone beyond the Æquator, that nobody dare approach near the Line, for Fear
+of being roasted alive. This is the true State of the Case; and if it be so
+that the Ancients were, for such a vast Number of Years, under a mistaken
+Notion, concerning the Possibility of living under or near the Line, why
+may not we, who are neither more daring nor more ingenious than the old
+Romans, be likewise mistaken, or rather totally ignorant of the Climates at
+the Pole?
+
+And here I beg Leave to offer a Philosophical Reason, why it should not,
+according to the Nature of Things, be any colder at the Poles themselves,
+than ten Degrees on this Side of them. Not that I by any Means insist upon
+the Truth of what I am going to say; I only just offer it as a Subject to
+be discussed by those who are more learned, and are able to take more exact
+Mensurations of the Phoenomena of Nature than myself.
+
+What I would offer is, that there is no Reason to apprehend more Cold at
+the Extremities of the Poles than ten Degrees on this Side of them, on
+Account of the Figure of the Earth. The Figure of the Earth is found, by
+Observations which have been made, upon the Difference of the Vibrations of
+Pendulums at the Æquator and near the Poles, and by other Experiments, to
+be not a Sphere, but a Spheroid; it is not exactly round, neither is it
+oval, but (if I may make Use of the Comparison) more in the Shape of a
+Turnip.
+
+Now the Climate is hotter at the Æquator than in high Latitudes, on Account
+of the Inclination of the Poles to the Sun, as has been said before: What I
+would urge is, that the Surface of the Earth, at ten Degrees on this Side
+of the Poles, is as much or nearly as much inclined to the Plain of the
+Ecliptic as the Poles themselves.
+
+If that is the Case, no Reason can be given why the Poles should be colder
+than Greenland, where, if we may believe the Accounts of Navigators, though
+in the Winter the Cold is so intense as to freeze Brandy, yet, in the
+middle of Summer it is sometimes so hot, that People have been glad to
+strip off their Cloaths, for an Hour or two in a Day, in order to go
+through their Work. But to return to the Surmise, that the Poles are no
+colder than ten Degrees on this Side of them, on Account of the
+Spheroidical Figure of the Earth.
+
+I must trouble the Reader with a very plain Figure, in order to illustrate
+the Meaning of this.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+By this Figure we may observe, that any Rays of the Sun A, which fall upon
+a Place situated ten Degrees on our Side of the Pole B, and Rays which fall
+on the Pole itself, do not make so large an Angle, as they would if the
+Form of the Earth was a Sphere; for if we extend the two Points B and C so
+far as to make a compleat Sphere, we must be obliged likewise to move the
+Line D along with it to the Point E, which would make a larger Angle, and
+in that Case the Surface of the Earth at the Pole B would be more inclined
+to the Plain of the Ecliptic than it is, and consequently it would be
+colder, as the Cause of Heat and Cold in different Parts of the Globe is
+owing to the Inclination of the Poles to the Plain of the Ecliptic, and not
+to the Distance of the Sun from the Earth at the different Seasons of the
+Year; for if that was the Case, we should have colder Weather in July than
+we have in December, the Sun being rather nearer to us in Winter than in
+Summer.
+
+I hope that this little Philosophical Effort, which has been made here,
+will not be looked upon as unseasonably introduced in this Place; and I
+likewise hope, that while I gaze with Wonder on the stupendous Frame of the
+Universe, I shall not be thought presumptuous in having taken a little
+Survey of one of the Wheels which duly performs it's Revolutions in that
+glorious Machine, the Solar System; the exact and regular Movements of
+which inspire the curious Beholder with a more awful Idea of the Greatness
+of the Fabricator, than it is possible for any one to conceive, who is
+entirely ignorant of the Accuracy of the Construction.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  VII.
+
+    _That the more Hay is dried in the Sun, the better it will be._
+
+As Hay is an Herb which is dried in order to lay up all the Winter, when it
+cannot be found in the Fields, and as it is intended for the Food and
+Nourishment of Animals, that Nourishment must consist of such of the Juices
+as are left behind in the Herb.
+
+It is very possible, by the Art of Chemistry, to extract from Hay all the
+separate Salts, Spirits, &c. of which it is composed. Now in a Chymical
+Preparation, there is always something left behind in the Still, out of
+which it is impossible to extract any more Juices; that the Chymists call
+Caput Mortuum. This Caput Mortuum is of no Service, and is entirely void of
+all those Salts and Spirits with which every other Substance on the Surface
+of the Earth abounds more or less.
+
+The Sun acts upon Bodies much in the Nature of a Still. He, by his Heat,
+causes the Vapours of all Kinds, which any Substance contains, to ascend
+out of their Residences into the Atmosphere, to some little Height, from
+whence either the Wind carries them, if there is any, or if there is no
+Wind, they fall down again Upon the Earth by their own Weight, at Sun-set,
+and are what is called Dew.
+
+Since this is the Case, and the Sun acts upon Bodies in the same Manner as
+a Still, we should take Care not to make Caput Mortuum of our Hay, by
+exposing it too long to his Rays; for by that Means we shall extract from
+it most of those Salts Spirits of which Food must consist, and of which all
+Animal Substance is composed.
+
+The Botanists are sensible of this: When they dry their Herbs, they lay
+them in a Place where no Sun can come to them, well knowing that too much
+Sun would take off their Flavour, and render them unfit for their different
+Physical Uses. Not that Hay would be made so well without Sun, on Account
+of the Largeness of the Quantity, and at the same Time it ought to be dryed
+enough, and no more than enough; for it is as easy to roast Hay too much as
+a Piece of Meat.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  VIII.
+
+    _That the Violin is a wanton Instrument, and not proper for Psalms; and
+    that the Organ is not proper for Country-Dances, and brisk Airs._
+
+This Error is entirely owing to Prejudice. The Violin being a light, small
+Instrument, easy of Conveyance, and withal much played upon in England, and
+at the same Time being powerful and capable of any Expression which the
+Performer pleases to give it, is commonly made Use of at Balls and
+Assemblies; by which Means it has annexed the Idea of Merriment and Jollity
+to itself, in the Minds of those, who have been so happy as to be Caperers
+to those sprightly English Airs, called Country Dances.
+
+The Organ, on the other Hand, being not easily moved on Account of it's
+Size, and expensive on Account of the complicated Machinery which is
+necessary to the Construction of it, is not convenient for Country Dances;
+and at the same Time being loud, capable of playing full Pieces of Music,
+Choruses, Services, &c. is made Use of in most Churches where the
+Inhabitants can afford to purchase this fine Instrument.
+
+Nevertheless, notwithstanding these great Advantages, two or three Violins
+and a Bass, are more capable of performing any solemn Hymn or Anthem than
+an Organ; for the Violin, as has been before observed, is capable of great
+Expression, but especially it is most exquisitely happy in that grave and
+resigned Air, which the common Singing-Psalms ought to be played with. When
+the Bow is properly made Use of, there is a Solemnity in the Strokes of it,
+which is peculiar to itself. And on the other Hand, on Account of the
+Convenience of Keys for the Readiness of Execution, nothing can be more
+adapted to the Performance of a Country-Dance, than an Organ. For the Truth
+of which Assertion I appeal to those who have been so often agreeably
+surprized with those sprightly Allegros, in the Country-Dance Style, with
+which many Organists think fit to entertain the Ladies, in the middle of
+Divine Service.
+
+If Jack Latten is played at all, it is Jack Latten still, whether it be
+played in Church or in an Assembly Room; and I am only surprized, that
+People can so obstinately persist in the Denial of a Thing, concerning the
+Truth of which it lies in their Power to be convinced every Sunday.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  IX.
+
+    _That the Organ and Harpsichord are the two Principal Instruments, and
+    that other Instruments are inferior to them in a Concert._
+
+Notwithstanding the great Advantage which these Instruments have of playing
+several Parts together, there is nevertheless one Imperfection which they
+have, or rather they want one, or more properly a thousand Beauties
+contained in one Word; which is no less material an Article than that of
+Expression.
+
+There is no Word more frequently in the Mouths of all Sorts of Performers,
+than this of Expression; and we may venture to affirm, that it is as little
+understood as any one Term which is made Use of, in the Science of Music.
+
+Above three Parts in four make Use of it, without having any Meaning of
+their own, only having heard some one else observe, that such or such a
+Person plays with great Expression, they take a Fancy to this new adopted
+Child, and become as fond of it, as if it was the legitimate Offspring of
+their own Brain. Some who are more considerate, think that the Meaning of
+it entirely consists in playing Staccato; and indeed these People come
+nearer the Mark than the others, but they have not picked up all the
+Meaning of the Word.
+
+One who plays with Expression, is he who, in his Performance, gives the Air
+or Piece of Music (let it be what it will) such a Turn, as conveys that
+Passion into the Hearts of the Audience, which the Composer intended to
+excite by it. Dryden, in that masterly Poem, his Ode in Honour of St.
+Cecilia's Day, has given us a true Idea of the Meaning of the Word; the
+Beauties of which Poem, though they are enough to hurry any Man away from
+his Subject, shall not be discussed at present, not being to the Point in
+Hand. We shall only make Use of an Instance or two out of it, to illustrate
+what has been said.
+
+Handel was so sensible of it's being capable, by the Help of Musical
+Sounds, of raising those very Passions in the Hearts of the Audience, which
+Dryden fables Alexander to have felt by the masterly Hand of Timotheus,
+that, by setting it to Music, he has himself boldly stepped into the Place
+of Timotheus.
+
+In this Performance called Alexander's Feast, it may easily be discerned,
+that Expression does not consist in the Staccato only, or in any one Power
+or Manner of playing. For Instance this Air,
+
+    _Softly sweet in Lydian Measures_, &c.
+
+would be quite ruined by playing it Staccato; and again,
+
+    _Revenge, Revenge, Timotheus cries_, &c.
+
+requires to be played in a very different Style from the foregoing Air.
+
+Passions are to be expressed in Music, as well as in the other Sister Arts,
+Poetry and Painting.
+
+Having thus explained what is meant by Expression in Music, we will return
+to the Point, viz. that the Organ and Harpsichord, though they have many
+other Advantages, yet want that great Excellence of Music, Expression.
+Surely it may not be thought a Straining of the Meaning of St. Paul's Words
+too far, when I surmise, that he, who had a fine Education, and in all
+Probability knew Music well, might have an Eye to the Want of Meaning or
+Expression of the ancient Cymbal, when he says, "Tho' I speak with the
+Tongues of Men and of Angels, and have not Charity, I am become as a
+sounding Brass, and a tinkling Cymbal." That is, though I have ever so much
+Skill in Languages, and the Arts and Sciences, my Knowledge is vain if I am
+without the Virtue of Charity, and my Works will have no Force, and will in
+that Respect resemble the Cymbal, which, though it makes a tinkling, and
+plays the Notes, yet is destitute of the main Article Expression. For we
+must not suppose, that so refined a Scholar as St. Paul was, could have
+such a settled Contempt for the Science of Music, as to make Use of it even
+as a Simile for what is trifling. We may venture to think, that the Apostle
+alluded to that Want of Power in the Cymbal to move the Passions, which
+other Instruments have.
+
+This is the very Case with the modern Harpsichord; it is very pretty,
+notwithstanding it's Imperfections, with Regard to the Change of Keys, (of
+which more in it's Place.) But no one can say, that it speaks to his
+Passions like those Instruments which have so immediate a Connection with
+the Finger of the Performer, as to sound just in the Manner which he
+directs.
+
+In that Case the Powers are great; you have the Numbers of Graces which
+have Names to them, and the still greater Number which have none; you have
+the Staccato and the Slur, the Swell and the Smotzato, and the Sostenuto,
+and a great Variety of other Embellishments, which are as necessary as
+Light and Shade in Painting.
+
+To convince the Reader of this, let him hear any Master play Handel's Song,
+_Pious Orgies, pious Airs_, upon the Organ or Harpsichord, and he will
+find, that, though it will appear to be Harmony, yet it will want that
+Meaning, and (not to make Use of the Word too often) Expression, which it
+is intended to have given it by the Word Sostenuto, which Mr. Handel has
+placed at the Beginning of the Symphony.
+
+Now a fine Performer upon the Violin or Hautboy, with a Bass to accompany
+him, will give it that Sostenuto, even with greater Strength than the human
+Voice itself, if possible.
+
+I by no Means intend to debase that noble and solemn Instrument the Organ,
+nor the Wonders that are done upon it, nor the great Merit of the
+Performers who execute them, by what has been here said; only to discuss a
+little upon the Perfections and Imperfections of different Instruments, as
+the more the Imperfections of an Instrument are looked into, the more
+likely is the Ingenuity of Mechanics one Day or other to rectify them.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  X.
+
+    _That every different Key in Music ought to have a different Effect or
+    Sound._
+
+This is an Error which belongs chiefly to those who play a little upon the
+Harpsichord; it arises from the Imperfection of their Instrument. As a
+greater Number of Keys would be inconvenient to the Performer, they are
+obliged to make one Note serve for another, such as B flat for A sharp, and
+many others, which necessarily renders some of the Keys imperfect. But we
+are not to take Notice of the Imperfection of any one Instrument, and
+regulate our Ear by that alone; we are to consider what is the real Scheme
+of Music, and what was the Intent of having different Keys introduced into
+Harmony.
+
+It was intended for the Sake of Variety. When the Ear begins to be
+surfeited with too much of the _Cantilenam eandem Canis_, as Terence
+expresses it, then Contrivances are made, without infringing upon the Laws
+of Harmony, to have the Burthen of the Song upon a different Note; not that
+this Key is to differ from the former in it's Mensurations from one Note to
+another, unless it changes from a flat third Key to a sharp third, or vice
+versa. For notwithstanding all the different Sounds which an imperfect
+Instrument will give, in different Keys, there are in Reality but two Keys,
+viz. a flat third Key, and a sharp third Key; and however the different
+Keys upon any particular Instrument may sound, we will venture to affirm,
+that any Piece of Music, let it be set in what Key it will, either is not
+true Composition, or is performed badly, if it does not sound smooth and
+harmonious.
+
+For though we do agree, that Variety is grateful in this Case as well as in
+others, yet that Variety ought to be introduced with as little
+Inconvenience as possible. When we shift our Scenes, we should order the
+Carpenters to make as little Noise in the Execution of it as they can help,
+and take Care that the Pullies are all well oiled. For shall any Man
+entertain me, by making a most hideous jarring Discord before he begins
+what he intends to be Harmony? It is as absurd as for a Lady to take you
+half a dozen Boxes on the Ear, before she permits you to salute her, and
+then to tell you she only did it, that you might have a more lively
+Apprehension of the exquisite Happiness which her unparallelled Charms
+should very soon make you sensible of.
+
+We may apprehend the Difference of perfect and imperfect Instruments, by
+listening to a Harpsichord, when any Music, where the Key changes often, is
+played, and to a fine Band, such as the Playhouse or the Opera. We shall
+find, in the latter, that the Composer has taken Care to make every
+Transition quite smooth and harmonious; and that tho' the Music be ever so
+cromatic, yet it never departs from it's melodious Effect. Whereas in an
+Organ or Harpsichord, even the greatest Performers cannot avoid a
+disagreeable Roughness in complicated Harmony. Nevertheless, as has been
+before observed, we must acknowledge the Organ to have Powers which other
+Instruments have not.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XI.
+
+    _That a Piece of Music which has Flats set before it, is in a Flat Key
+    on that Account, and vice versa with Sharps._
+
+This is so well known to be an Error, by all those who have arrived at any
+Proficiency in Music, that very little need be said about it; however, it
+is a very common Error.
+
+A Key is not constituted flat or sharp, by having Flats or Sharps at the
+Beginning of the Piece of Music; but it depends upon the third Note upwards
+from that Note in which the Music is composed. For Instance, if the Piece
+is composed in D, and we find that F is natural, or only half a Note from
+E, then it is in a flat, or flat third, Key; if F is sharp, or a whole Note
+above E, then the Piece of Music is composed in a sharp third Key. But as
+there are so many Books extant about Thorough Bass, which give a full
+Account of this, it will be needless to say any more about it, only to
+mention it as an Error, among other Errors. The Reader shall not be tired
+any more with Music at present, but for Variety we will shift the Scene a
+little while.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XII.
+
+    _That apparitions or Spectres do exist; or that the Ghosts of Men do
+    appear at, before, or after their Deaths._
+
+We would not be thought, in the following Discourse, to call in Question
+that great Miracle of our Saviour's rising again the third Day, and
+appearing to the Twelve: What shall be here said, will rather prove the
+Miracle to be the greater, and therefore more worthy the interfering Hand
+of Omnipotence.
+
+But we must not suppose that the Supreme Being will condescend to pervert
+the Order of Nature for Individuals. The ancient Heathens had a true Notion
+of the Greatness of him, _qui Templa Coeli summa sonitu concutit_. Ter.
+Eun. And Horace observes,
+
+  _Nec Deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus._
+                                Art. Poet.
+
+Since it must be no less than a Miracle which causes an Apparition, I shall
+proceed, without any Scruple, to prove that there is no such Thing in
+Nature really existing.
+
+Of all the Errors with which the Brains of Mankind have been troubled,
+there is none of such ancient Standing as this. We have Ghosts and
+Hobgoblins even in Homer; not that there is Reason to suspect that Homer
+ever believed in them himself; he seemed too well versed in the real
+Phoenomena of Nature, to entertain any such chimerical Dreams as Truth; for
+Dreams they are, and no better: the true _Somnia Vatum_ of the Ancients,
+handed down to Posterity, even to these enlightened Times. How many
+horrible Nights have been passed in cold Sweats, by otherwise very sensible
+People, owing to nothing else but the Apprehensions which they have had of
+these no-existing Gentry! How was even the Metropolis itself terrified the
+other Day, by the Scratching Ghost at Cock Lane! I think enough has been
+said, even in this little Book, to prove that no Noise can be made, unless
+by the Vibration of some elastic Body. If a Noise is made by a Voice, it
+must be from an Animal, which has Lungs and Breath to do it; if a
+Scratching is made, it must be done by something which has Hands, and
+Sinews to move those Hands; and it must have Nails, or some other bodily
+Substance, to scratch with, before it can cause a Sound to proceed from an
+elastic Body. So much for Scratching, and dismal Yellings, and Groanings of
+all Sorts, which have been fabled of Ghosts.
+
+It will require a little Dissertation upon Optics, in order to explain the
+Cause of Light and Colours, before we can confute the Possibility of seeing
+an Apparition.
+
+Light is found to be a real Substance; it is swift beyond Comprehension; if
+I mistake not, it is calculated by Sir Isaac Newton, to be only eight
+Minutes in passing from the Sun to the Earth; it is very subtle, passing
+through the hardest transparent Bodies; it is capable of Refraction and
+Reflection, that is, either of passing through a transparent Body, as a
+Window, or of being reflected from an even Surface, as a Looking-Glass, or
+a Piece of polished Steel; so that if we see any Object at my Time, the
+Cause of our seeing it, if there is no Window between, is by Reflection, or
+by the Rays of Light being reflected from the Object to the Eye of the
+Beholder, which is formed for the Reception of the Rays which come from the
+Object, in the same Manner as a Camera obscura.
+
+When the Rays have found a Passage into the Pupil of the Eye, they fall
+upon a thin Membrane which is called the Retina, upon which Retina the
+exact Picture of the Object is represented, as may be seen by the Eye of an
+Ox, properly prepared and placed in the Hole of a Window-Shutter. This
+Retina is an Elongation from the Brain; and by this Means it is, that we
+receive those various agreeable or disagreeable Sensations with which we
+find ourselves affected, by the Sight of external Objects. So that we may
+observe, that it must be not only real Substance which must reflect Rays to
+the Eye, in order to cause Vision, but the Rays themselves, likewise, which
+come from that Object, are Substance.
+
+If this is the Case, the Apparition of a Person must be a Substance, which
+is reflected from a Substance, which belongs to the Body of him who is
+dead, or is going to die. With regard to him who is dead and buried, one
+would think, that he and his Substance are so safe under Ground, that no
+Part of him can reflect any Rays; but a Person who is above Ground, either
+dead or dying, may reflect Rays to the Eye of a Beholder, and if it happens
+to be a Friend or Relation, such Rays will make so strong an Impression
+upon the Retina, that they shall in such a Manner imprint themselves upon
+that pliable Spot, as will cause the Brain and Nerves of the Beholder to
+have the Sensation of seeing the dead or dying Person some Time after the
+real Action of seeing him.
+
+This will account for most of those positive Assertions, which we may hear
+in any Village, of the seeing the Apparitions of People after they are
+dead, or just before they die, 'tis all one. We very seldom hear of any
+such Thing in Town, which corresponds with what has been said; for in Town
+it is so common to have Deaths and Funerals, &c. that People are no more
+affected with the Sight of a dead Man than a living one. But the Case is
+quite different in Villages. A Village with fifty Houses in it, situated in
+a wholesome Country, shall not have above one Person die in a Year; this
+makes such a Stir, that all the old Women in the Town must have a Peep at
+the deceased, as he lies in his Coffin, with his Shroud on; which
+Alteration of Appearance in the dead Person, from what they remember him, a
+little while since, leaves such an Impression upon the Retinas of these old
+Women, that 'tis ten to one but some of them think they see him, as soon as
+the dark Hour comes on. And, very likely, a Person who thinks he sees an
+Apparition may not be altogether wrong; there may be some of the Picture of
+the dead Person still faintly remaining upon his Retina; and if so, it
+certainly will give the same Sensation as if he faintly saw the Person. If
+this is the Case, it is not the deceased come back again to bully us, as is
+generally imagined, if we do apprehend we see him; but the Remembrance of
+him strong in that Organ the Eye, by which we formed the Idea of him in our
+Minds, when we really did behold him.
+
+Homer seems to allude to this, when he makes Patroclus's Ghost appear to
+Achilles. When Patroclus was slain by Hector before Troy, the Body, after a
+long Dispute for it, between the Greeks and Trojans, was brought to
+Achilles's Tent, where Achilles is described by the Poet, as making bitter
+Lamentations over the Body of his deceased Friend. At Night he lays himself
+down upon the Sea Shore, and falls asleep, when the Ghost of Patroclus
+comes to demand the funeral Obsequies.
+
+  [Greek: Êlthe d' epi psuchê Patroklêos deiloio,]
+  [Greek: Pant' autôi megethos te kai ommata kal' eikuia,]
+  [Greek: Kai phônên; kai toia peri chroi heimata hesto;]
+                                Hom. Iliad. Lib. 23.
+
+Homer never introduces an Incredulus Odi into his Works; he has an Eye upon
+Probability in all his Fictions. It seems probable, that Achilles, after he
+had been hanging over the Body of Patroclus, either quite asleep, or
+between sleeping and waking, should imagine that he saw his Friend's
+Apparition. And though Homer might not have heard of such a Thing as the
+Retina in the Eye, (though it is not at all impossible he should, for he
+shews himself a great Anatomist) yet he very well knew the Impression which
+the Sight of a departed Friend is sure to make upon the Mind of the
+Beholder. By this Propriety of Introduction, he keeps up the Appearance of
+Probability, so necessary even in Poetry itself, which is generally
+Fiction.
+
+By this it should seem, that Homer was tacitly of Opinion, that there is
+really no such Thing in Nature as an Apparition, and that it has no other
+Existence than in the Imaginations of Men. And we have the more Reason to
+believe that this was his Opinion, as we find that he did not choose to
+introduce the Ghost of Patroclus to Achilles, when he was broad awake; but,
+as he thought it might seem to want the Air of Probability, if he made
+Patroclus appear to Achilles when awake, he takes Care to compose Achilles
+into a Nap first, and by that means leaves the Reader to his own Opinion,
+whether the Ghost did really come, or whether Achilles only thought so.
+This is one of those Touches of Art with which Homer abounds.
+
+But there is another Reason why we have so many of these Stories told us of
+Apparitions by our Grandmothers; and that is, the Tricks which the Priests
+of the Roman Catholic Times found it necessary to put upon their Flock, in
+order to keep up their Credit.
+
+Chymistry was the Study of those Times, and Lectures were given in them at
+the Universities, as frequently as they are in Philosophy at present. It is
+for this Reason, I apprehend, that Shakespeare introduces Friar Lawrence, a
+Student in a Convent or Roman Catholic College, with several Kinds of Herbs
+in a Basket, the particular Virtues of which he seems perfectly to
+understand, and which he is going to extract from them, for physical Uses:
+Had Shakespeare lived in these Times, most likely he would have introduced
+him with a Quadrant, a Globe, or a Prism, or some other Philosophical
+Instrument. Now those who have not seen some little of Chymistry, have no
+Notion of the Wonders that are to be done by it; and these crafty Priests
+knew so well how to make Use of their Art to the best Advantage, that they
+could frighten a whole Village, whenever they had an Inclination to play
+their Pranks. Friar Bacon, who was perhaps the greatest Chymist in Europe,
+used to play so many Tricks, that he was thought by the whole Country, to
+deal with the Devil; and many Stories of him are now extant, to that
+Effect. One of the most common Pranks amongst these Gentry was this: They
+used to get one who could draw well, to take some Phosphorus (which is a
+Chymical Preparation from Urine) in his Pocket; having thus armed
+themselves, they perhaps would step into the first Alehouse where they saw
+a Light, and mix with the Company. He who was in Possession of the
+Phosphorus would get up and go to the Wall, under some Pretence or other,
+upon which he would draw what Picture came first into his Head, very likely
+the Picture of the Devil. Nothing is to be seen by Candle-Light, and it
+must be dark, before the Marks made by Phosphorus upon a Wall will appear
+like Fire. After sitting a little while, one of them would either introduce
+some Discourse about the Wickedness of the Times, or would tell some Story
+about Apparitions; in the middle of which another would run against the
+Candle, as if by Accident, and put it out. As soon as the Candle is out,
+another of them pretends to have found out this Figure upon the Wall, which
+will appear like Fire. You may guess the Surprize of the poor Country
+People, at seeing the Old Gentleman upon the Wall.--They all take to their
+Heels. In the mean Time, to improve their Ideas, another of the
+Confederates sets Fire to Brimstone, or some other stinking Combustible,
+and pops it against all their Noses, as they run out of Doors; and after
+these two powerful Sensations of seeing and smelling, it would be quite
+impossible, by any Arguments, to persuade any of the Company, that they had
+not actually seen the Prince of Darkness. By these and such like Arts, the
+Roman Catholic Priests so long kept this now well-delivered Country under
+their Subjection.
+
+Though this Account appears ridiculous enough, the Effect which such Sort
+of Pranks have upon the weak Minds of Women and Children, are very serious;
+and the Ideas which are received at this Time of Life, make such an
+Impression upon some People, that they are unable to get the better of
+their Apprehensions, even when they grow up.
+
+I know a Person of the first Sense, and a great Scholar, who retains these
+Stories so strong in his Memory, that he dare as well put his Fingers into
+the Old Lion's Mouth at the Tower, as go up to a Monument, which stands in
+a certain Chapel in this University, after it is dark; not that he really
+believes any Thing would hurt him there; nevertheless he declares he cannot
+get the better of it. And I make no Doubt, that not only this Gentleman,
+but Thousands more of his Majesty's good and bold Subjects, are in the same
+Way.
+
+I look upon our Sailors, to care as little what becomes of themselves, as
+any Set of People under the Sun; and yet no People are so much terrified at
+the Thoughts of an Apparition. Their Sea Songs are full of them; they
+firmly believe their Existence; and honest Jack Tar shall be more
+frightened at a glimmering of the Moon upon the Tackling of the Ship, than
+he would be if a Frenchman was to clap a Blunderbuss to his Head.
+
+I was told a Story by an Officer in the Navy, which may not be foreign to
+the Purpose.
+
+About half a Dozen of the Sailors on board a Man of War, took it into their
+Heads, that there was a Ghost in the Ship; and being asked by the Captain,
+what Reason they had to apprehend any such Thing, they told him, that they
+were sure there was a Ghost, for they smelt him. The Captain at first
+laughed at them, and called them a Parcel of Lubbers, and advised them not
+to entertain any such silly Notions as these, but mind their Work. It
+passed on very well for a Day or two; but one Night, being in another
+Ghost-smelling Humour, they all came to the Captain, and told him, that
+they were quite certain, there was a Ghost, and he was somewhere behind the
+Small-beer Barrels: The Captain, quite enraged at their Folly, was
+determined, they should have something to be frightened at in earnest; and
+so ordered the Boatswain's Mate to give them all a Dozen of Lashes, with a
+Cat 'o nine Tails; by which means, the Ship was entirely cleared of Ghosts,
+during the remainder of the Voyage. However, when the Barrels were removed,
+some Time after, they found a dead Rat, or some such Thing, which was
+concluded, by the rest of the Crew, to be the Ghost, which had been smelt a
+little before. Thus we see, that the bravest Men of the Universe, may be
+terrified, if they give way to their own chimerical Ideas; and that it is
+only for want of searching into the Causes of the Phoenomena of Nature,
+that People disturb themselves in this Manner, with such groundless and
+unphilosophical Apprehensions. However, a great deal may be said in Favour
+of Men, troubled with the Scurvy, the Concomitants of which Disorder, are
+generally Faintings and the Hip, and Horrors without any Ground for them;
+which leads me to say something upon an Error, relative to that Sea
+Disorder, the Scurvy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XIII.
+
+    _That Bleeding is proper for a Patient, who is apt to be sick in a
+    Morning._
+
+The first Person I heard remark this Error, was an old Physician, who,
+though he had but little Practice, on Account of his travelling
+Disposition, was nevertheless a Man of great Speculation. He had been three
+Times over the Alps on Foot; and was in many Respects, a curious Man.
+
+The Company did not seem to take much Notice of his Remark, because he
+certainly was an Oddity; however, if we may believe the Accounts of those
+Physicians who have lately wrote upon the Scurvy, the Old Gentleman was in
+the right.
+
+It seems, that among all the dreadful Symtoms, which accompany the Scurvy,
+a fainting Sickness in a Morning, is the most certain Indication of it.
+Many, upon Application for Relief, in that Case, have been treated as
+Consumptive; when, upon a more strict Enquiry, they have been found to have
+a violent Scurvy, and have been restored to Health by Mineral Waters. If
+that is the Case, and fainting Sickness in a Morning, is a Sympton of the
+Scurvy, Bleeding cannot be proper, as nothing is more likely to encrease
+the Fainting, than Phlebotomy.
+
+I met with an Author somewhere, who reasoned upon the Subject, in this
+Manner. He alledged, that the Cause of Fainting in the Scurvy, was owing to
+such a Relaxation in the Blood Vessels, that they had not Power to perform
+their Operations; and by that Means, were unable to give their Contents,
+that quick, spirited Motion, which is required, to keep them in the upper
+Parts of the Body; and that, by the Blood being suffered to fall down to
+the lower Parts of the Body, the Head, Heart, and other Vital Parts, were
+left destitute of that Fluid, which is so necessary for the Preservation of
+Life. This he proves, by the sudden Change which is caused in Patients,
+afflicted with the Scurvy, on altering their Position. If, says he, you
+cause a Patient to be raised up in his Hammock, though before he was in
+very good Spirits (a Thing peculiar to the Sea Scurvy, even in the last
+Stages of it, at Times) he will faint immediately; if you lay him in an
+inclined Posture, he will recover again. And he gives this Reason for it,
+viz. that the Blood settles downwards, in the same Manner, as Humours do in
+a Dropsy, when the Patient is erect; and that it returns again, when he is
+supine; and by that Means, it re-invigorates those Parts, which were
+distressed by its Absence. If this is the Case, and the learned Doctor's
+Position is true, to take away that little Blood, which is left behind, in
+the upper Parts of the Body, on a Scorbutic Patient's getting into an erect
+Posture, or rising in a Morning, is to deprive him of all the Nourishment
+which his Vital Parts contain for their Preservation, and seems to be a
+ready way to dispatch him.
+
+It would be prudent therefore, in an Apothecary, before he lets his Patient
+blood, when he is taken sick in a Morning, to examine him well all over, in
+order to find out those Eruptions, which denote a Scorbutic Habit of Body.
+For if he is ignorant of the Patient's Disorder, and lets him blood, though
+he may survive this Operation, he will most likely have such a Fainting, as
+to amount to a Fit next Morning; upon which, in his Fright and Hurry, he
+will let him blood again, thinking it an Apoplexy.
+
+I hope the Physical Gentlemen, will not take it amiss that I interfere thus
+with their Profession; only, as I have known some Accidents happen in this
+Case, by not regular-bred Practioners, I hope they will pardon the Liberty,
+which is here taken.
+
+If any Person should here object, that I have confounded the Land Scurvy
+with the Sea Scurvy, without making any Distinction between the two
+Disorders; I answer, that though they may be different in some Respects,
+yet they are very near related; and moreover, that with Respect to the
+Faintings in a Morning, they are the same, and the Faintings proceed from
+the same Cause in both. Their Causes may be different, and yet their
+Effects be very similar; or, 'till all the Causes of the Sea Scurvy are
+clearly found out, it is not possible to say, that they do not both proceed
+from the same Cause. For I suppose it will be allowed, that the Land Scurvy
+generally proceeds from too high Living, from salt Diet, from too much
+animal Food, from too little Exercise, &c. Now let us examine into the Sea
+Scurvy. They are subject to these Inconveniences in a greater Degree at Sea
+than they are at Land: In the first Place, in long Voyages they have
+nothing but salt Provisions; then they have no Greens; all animal Diet,
+except a little dried Biscuit; and then though it must be allowed, that in
+a Gale of Wind they have Trouble enough to work the Ship, and by that Means
+receive proper Exercise, yet at other Times, when they have fallen in with
+the Trade Winds, they sometimes have no Employ for Months together; and (by
+the bye) any one, who takes Notice of Voyages, will find that it is at
+those Times, when the Scurvy does the most Mischief. It is then that the
+Ship becomes almost a Prison. For when they go up aloft, the Air, by it's
+Friction, braces their Nerves, clears away the bad Vapours, creates an
+Appetite, and strengthens their Joints; but when a Ship is going before a
+fine Gale of Wind, so steady as the Trade Winds are, the Men have no
+Employ, and having no Occasion to go aloft, either loll upon Deck in the
+Day-Time, or sleep in their Hammocks at Night.
+
+We do not insist here, that there is no Difference between the Land and Sea
+Scurvy, or that there are no other Reasons for the Sea Scurvy than are here
+mentioned. We know that some other Causes are assigned, as the being so
+long absent from Land, and thereby receiving none of those Vapours, which,
+coming out of the Earth, may be necessary for the Preservation of a Land
+Animal, &c. and these Causes likewise may correspond with the former, here
+mentioned.
+
+We shall now beg Leave to offer a little Scheme, for hindering the Progress
+of the Sea Scurvy, which however we do not insist upon, having no great
+Opinion of any Proposition, which we start new of our own.
+
+What I would propose is, some Help or Relief to a Ship, when she is on a
+long Voyage, and sailing before a Trade Wind, and finds the Scurvy begin to
+attack her. In order to which, it will be necessary to say something
+concerning the Nature of that Element called the Air.
+
+Air is an elastic Fluid, as has been observed before, and is subject to an
+easy Motion of it's Parts amongst themselves, as all Fluids are. It is
+subject to Currents and Eddies, in the same Manner as Water. A Current of
+Air is commonly known by the Name of Wind; and the greater Quantity of this
+Air or Wind, an Animal who has Organs for the Reception of it, and who
+cannot live without it a Moment; the more free Passage (I say) a Current of
+Air has, by such an Animal, in Health and Motion, the more wholesome it is
+for him. Now, I will endeavour to prove, that a Ship under Sail, before a
+Trade Wind, has but little Change of Situation in this Current,
+notwithstanding her Motion is so swift, with regard to her Change of Place
+upon the Surface of the Earth.
+
+We will endeavour to explain our Meaning, by a Cork swimming down a current
+of Water.
+
+If any one throws a Cork into a Stream of Water, he will find that the Cork
+will be attended, during its Progress down the Stream, by the same
+Particles of the Fluid, which it happened to fall upon, when it first set
+off; notwithstanding, it changes its Position, with regard to the Surface
+of the Earth. This is the Case with a Ship, sailing before the Wind; she
+receives nothing near the Quantity of Air, upon her Sides and between her
+Decks, in a full Wind, that she does when the Wind is upon her Beam, or on
+one Side of her; which may be demonstrated by a second Experiment upon the
+Cork in the Water.
+
+If any one takes a Cork and ties a long Thread to it, and throws it into a
+Stream, he will find, that the Cork, when he draws it sideways along the
+Stream, changes its Place in the Water every Inch he draws it. This is so
+plain, that there is no Occasion to say any more about it; and we humbly
+apprehend, that the Case would be the same, with regard to a Ship which is
+sailing before the Wind, or going down a Current of Air. We do alledge,
+that the fresh Air running between the Decks of a Ship, would sweeten and
+clear away the bad Vapours and Filth from the Men in her, as much more in
+the Position of a Side-Wind, as a Stream of Water would wash more Dirt off
+a Cork, if it was drawn sideways along it by a Thread, than if it was
+suffered to swim down by itself. For the Motion of a good Ship, when she
+has all her Sails up in a moderate Gale before the Wind, is very near, if
+not quite as swift as the Wind itself.
+
+Therefore, what I would advance here is, that as the Sea Scurvy in long
+Voyages proceeds as much from the Confinement of a Ship, as from any other
+Cause, may it not be deemed reasonable, that any Scheme, which serves to
+make a more free Current of Air through a Ship, may be a great Hindrance to
+the Progress of the Scurvy?
+
+The Scheme is only this plain and easy one, viz. that when a Ship is upon a
+long Voyage, before a Trade Wind, the Captain once a Day should give
+Orders, to lay her upon a Side-Wind, or a Quarters Wind, if he thinks it
+more safe, for about a League or two, during which Tack, he may open the
+Port-holes of her Windward Side; and after going a League or two in that
+Manner, she might be tacked about and laid upon her other Side; and by
+doing this, he would sweeten every Corner of the Ship, and at the same Time
+exercise his Men. Now, though this Practice would retard him a little in
+his Voyage, would it not be better to lose a little Time, and bring a
+Ship's Crew Home in tolerable good Plight, than to have half of them dead,
+before they get to the End of their Voyage? I am far from insisting, that
+this Scheme would answer the End; all that I know is, that if I was Captain
+of a Ship, I would try; and if it answered no End, it would but be leaving
+it off afterwards. And I hope the Sea Gentlemen will not be angry at this
+little Essay, as it is wrote for the Sake of their Health and
+Constitutions.
+
+They know very well, that Wind travels much slower than is imagined by the
+Generality of Landmen; which brings me to another Error, (viz.)
+
+                  XIV.
+
+    _That nothing which moves upon the Surface of the Earth, is so swift as
+    the Wind._
+
+Though, in a Storm, Wind moves with a great Velocity, yet in a moderate
+Gale, it is nothing near so swift as is generally apprehended.
+
+The Ancients were so wrapped up in their Opinion of the Swiftness of Wind,
+that they were sure to introduce it as a Simile, when they intended to
+describe any Thing that was rapid in it's Motion.
+
+Horace, for one, was so fond of it, that he has introduced it into his
+elegant Ode, _Otium Divos_, &c.
+
+  _Scandit æratas vitiosa Naves,_
+  _Cura; nec Turmas Equitum relinquit_
+  _Ocyor Cervis et agente Nymbos_
+                  _Ocyor Euro._
+
+However, one would think, that if he was determined to compare Wind to an
+Idea or Sensation in the human Mind, he might have thought of one more
+swift in it's Motions. For though the East Wind is a heavy Wind, and lays
+very keen Hold of a Sail, as being cold, and therefore more condensed, and
+moving with greater Moment, on Account of it's Weight; yet I am very much
+mistaken if we have any East Winds, that travel near so fast as the
+South-West Winds which we have in March; nay, so far is it from being
+swift, that when it is set in, we may feel it blow against our Bodies, with
+a more steady, slow Motion than any other; and it is reasonable to suppose,
+that it ought to move slower according to the Rules of Philosophy: For the
+Barometer shews, that the colder the Air is, the more it weighs; and a
+heavy Body takes more Time in changing it's Place, by a Force or Cause,
+than a light one.
+
+However, we will not tax Horace with Impropriety, in so fine an Ode; as we
+do not know, what the East Winds may be in Italy. They had not the German
+Ocean to pass over, before they came to Horace, and may be warm, light, and
+soft, in that Country.
+
+But to return: There are many Things upon the Surface of the Earth,
+(without being obliged to have Recourse to the extraordinary Velocity of
+Light) which move faster than the Wind. We have no Occasion to go any
+further than the Flight of a Pigeon, or a Swallow, even for a Storm; which
+we may observe, by the Motion of light Bodies, such as Feathers and Straws,
+which have no Power to resist it's Force, and must be hurried away with the
+same Velocity as the Wind itself. We may easily try the Experiment, by
+throwing Feathers from off a Church Steeple, or any high Place; and we
+shall find, that though they will be hurried off at a great Rate, yet not
+so swift as a Pigeon upon her full Stretch. Those who are at Sea have a
+much better Opportunity of observing it's Motions than Landmen: Nothing is
+more common, than to see that the Wind has chopped about, by it's Action
+upon the Sails of a Ship at great Distance off; and it is a long Time
+before it reaches the Sails of the Ship from whence it is first discovered;
+and even when a Storm is seen coming at a Distance, they have Time enough
+to reeve the Sails, and lie in a Posture to receive it. It would be very
+easy at Land, to take an exact Measure of the Velocity of any Wind, by
+watching it when it first comes. It might be done in this Manner, viz. by
+taking the exact Distance of all the Churches in the Neighbourhood from
+each other, and setting Flags upon the Steeples of those which stand easy
+to be seen, and which are in different Directions; after which, a Person
+might go up to the Top of one which stood in the middle of them, with a
+Telescope, and as soon as he saw the Flags upon any of the Steeples at a
+Distance move from the Directions which they stood in when he first
+ascended the Steeple, he might be certain of a fresh Gale being come, and
+that it had just then reached that Steeple. Upon seeing this, all that he
+would have to do would be, to look at his Watch and by that Means he would
+know how fast the Gale of Wind had travelled, by observing how many Miles
+it had gone in such a Time. For by observing the Flag on the Steeple at a
+Distance, he might know when it had reached that Place, and by the Flag
+upon the Steeple where the Observer himself stood, he might see when it
+reached him, and by his Watch he might know how long it had been coming.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XV.
+
+    _That there is now, or ever was, such a Science as Astrology._
+
+Reader, when thou dost peruse this Book, I would have thee sensible of the
+intrinsic Value of Truth; one single Page of this inestimable Commodity, is
+worth a Thousand Volumes of Lies. I do not intend to impose upon thee, and
+lead thee astray, and laugh at thee afterwards; even as the Egyptian
+Priests of old did deceive their Flock, and at the same Time did laugh at
+them, for worshiping the monstrous Idols, which were the Compositions of
+their own Craft. Thou wouldest hardly believe that these Idolaters were so
+grossly imposed upon, as to be induced to worship Garlick and Onions; and
+yet, we have Accounts, that if the Priests of those Times did fix their
+Eyes upon a good Crop of those Vegetables, they could very easily rank them
+amongst the Number of their Gods; and, by that Means, render them unlawful
+to be handled by any one, except themselves. What might be their Intent, in
+such a Case, we will not presume to determine, but leave it to thy own
+superior Judgment.
+
+Indeed, thou mayest think thyself happy, in being a Native of a Country,
+where the exact Boundary is fixed to every one's Property; and where,
+though when thou dost endeavour to defend thy Right, thou wilt find some
+who are ready to go Halves with thee, yet, thou mayest in Time hinder thy
+Adversary from enjoying what is thy Due.
+
+And moreover, thou mayest think thyself very comfortable, that thou dost
+breathe in so free an Air, where thou hast the refreshing Liberty of
+hearkening to Reason, and of thinking as thou dost like best; for if thou
+didst live in some Countries, thou wouldest find, that thou must either
+think as others please to dictate to thee, or else keep thy Thoughts to
+thyself; otherwise, it had been better for thee, if thou hadst never been
+able to come at the Knowledge of Truth, and had been as ignorant as those
+Idolatrous Egyptians before mentioned; who, while their Priests were
+studying the real Science of Astronomy, kept the Laity in the dark, and
+amused them with the false Science of Astrology; making them believe that
+they could foretell all Things which should happen to them and their
+Families, by their Knowledge of the Stars; and persuading them, that the
+Stars had an Influence upon the Lives and Fortunes of Individuals;
+introducing the Jargon of being born under particular Planets, and the
+like. To all which their Impositions they gained the greater Credit, by
+being able to calculate, and therefore to foretell the Eclipses of the Sun
+and Moon; which Phenomena of Nature they used to explain so as to answer
+their own sinister Views; construing the common Motions and Appearances of
+the Heavenly Bodies, into Prodigies and Wonders; fortelling the Deaths of
+those they hated, and taking the Opportunity of that Time of Consternation,
+to dispatch them, in order to make their Words prove true. I tell thee,
+Reader, thou art happy in being a Native of a Country where thou art not
+deceived by the false Science of Astrology; and where any one who
+understands it, whether Priest or Layman, will shew thee as much of the
+real Science of Astronomy, as thou desirest to learn, for a Bottle or two
+of Wine, with all his Heart; well knowing, that it will be a Means to give
+thee a more sublime Notion of the Supreme Being: For the more thou dost
+contemplate the vast Machinery of the Heavenly Bodies, and the exact Time
+which they keep in their Revolutions, the more thou wilt be convinced of
+the immense Contrivance of Him who laid the Foundation of the Heavens.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XVI.
+
+    _Most Londoners are mistaken when they think that they have Wit enough
+    to impose upon Countrymen._
+
+This Error chiefly proceeds from the outward Appearance of Countrymen, when
+they arrive at the Metropolis. They are struck with the Grandeur of the
+Place, and on that Account keep their Heads up in the Air, as if they were
+contemplating some Phoenomenon in the Heavens. Then their Cloaths, being
+calculated for Strength and Wear, are spun thick, which gives them a stiff,
+awkward Gait, and this is not a little augmented by the robust Labour which
+they daily undergo, and the great Burthens, of different Sorts, which they
+are continually obliged to bear, through the Course of their Farming
+Business. This Aukwardness, joined to an Absence, which the Contemplation
+of any Thing fine is sure to beget, makes high Diversion for the Londoners,
+and they are apt to put many Tricks upon them, as Clowns, which the
+Countrymen (being Strangers to the Place) easily fall into; upon which
+Account, those Urban Mobility, are apt to tax them with Want of Quickness
+of Apprehension.
+
+But, O _Cives!_ let us first examine into the real State of the Case, and
+make a little Allowance for Robin's Parallax, before we are too hard upon
+his Abilities. I tell thee, your right Clown is the sharpest Fellow in the
+World; and if thou hadst any Dealings with him in his own Way, thou
+wouldest soon find him so, to thy Cost. If he came from _Yerkshire_, thou
+wouldest have no Chance with him, And we humbly conceive, that it is upon
+this Account that Countrymen have the Name of Clowns given them: For we
+take the Original Meaning of a Clown to be, one who is a quick, bright,
+witty Fellow, who puts on the Appearance of Folly, while his Head is at
+Work to deceive you. Such as these were Shakespeare's Clowns, who knew the
+Meaning of the Word too well to make Fools of them. These were the Fellows
+that he has employed, when there was any Business to dispatch, which
+required more than ordinary Address and Secresy in the Management of it,
+and who were to make Diversion to crowned Heads by the Sprightliness of
+their Wit. So that we apprehend the Word Clown, in it's original Meaning,
+does not signify an aukward Lout, but a bright, quick Fellow, who does more
+by his natural Parts, than by the Help of Education. From hence it was that
+Countrymen came to be called Clowns. They were found, upon Examination, to
+be much brighter and sharper than they appeared to be at first Sight.
+
+We have a true Specimen of one of these Kind of Geniuses, in _The Journey
+to London_, in the Character of John Moody; who, though he was bewildered
+in the Hurry and Bustle of London, and broke his Coach, and lost his
+Monkey, yet we find John has Sense enough to make just Observations upon
+his Master's Conduct, as well as his Mistress's; and, no Doubt, had John
+been a real Character, instead of a fictitious one, he would have wished in
+his Heart, that he had had the Offender, who broke his Coach, before his
+Master as a Justice of the Peace, at his own Quarter Sessions in the
+Borough of Guzzledown; for if he had once got him there, whether the
+Accident which befel the Carriage, was occasioned by his own aukward
+driving on the wrong Side of the Street, or whether the Fellow did it on
+Purpose, would have been all one in the Borough of Guzzledown. The Breaking
+his Worship's Coach, would have been sufficient to have had him sent to
+Limbo.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XVII.
+
+    _That a Pointer, if he lifts up his Foot, when he comes upon Game, does
+    it in order to shew his Master the Spot where the Birds lie._
+
+This is so well known to be an Error, that no Person, who is a Sportsman,
+need be informed of the Mistake, with any other Design, than by Way of
+Ridicule. It truly deserves the Name of a Vulgar Error: However, we shall
+put in a Word or two concerning the Nature of Pointers, and explain by what
+Means they arrive at such Perfection, as to point at a Partridge for two
+Hours together; as it will be necessary, in order to confute the Error.
+
+There are different Kinds of Pointers, some are of Spanish Extraction, some
+Portuguese, some French, and I have lately heard of a rough Breed from
+Germany; in the West of England, and in Wales, they make them of English
+Spaniels, but as that is done by meer Dint of Correction, we shall pass
+them over in Silence; though they are esteemed excellent when they are well
+broke.
+
+What we shall endeavour to explain is, how it comes to pass, that a real
+true bred Pointer, shall point or stand at his Game, for a short Time,
+without having any Instructions given him at all by any Person.
+
+I apprehend, that a Pointer, if he was in a State of Nature, wild in the
+Woods and Fields, would procure his Sustenance in this Manner: He would
+beat about, till he came upon the Scent of something which struck him
+considerably, and seemed worth his Attention; after which he would, by the
+Direction of the Scent, creep a little nearer, till he found himself quite
+certain that he was very near some Game; upon which, such is the vast
+Pleasure which this Animal receives from the Sensation of Smelling, his
+Limbs are seized with a Sort of Convulsion, which causes him to make a full
+Stop, for a short Time, not only in order to contemplate his agreeable
+Situation, but likewise to consider, how he may best make such a sure Leap
+as to seize on his Prey.
+
+Reader, when thou art hungry, and art going about thy Business in Haste
+thro' the City, did the savoury Effluvia which arises from roast Beef never
+strike thy olfactory Nerves? Yes, no Doubt, thou hast been so agreeably
+accosted; thou hast made a full Stop; thou hast been so captivated with the
+Odour thereof, that thou hast begun to consider, even like a Pointer, how
+to seize upon this thy Game. If thou hast ever had such an Accident, thou
+mayest easily know the Situation of a Pointer, by consulting thy own
+Breast. It will be objected, that a Pointer wild in the Woods, could not
+support himself, at all Times of the Year, by catching Game. In answer to
+which, I say, that it is the Cold which hinders the Game from breeding
+continually. Now in Portugal, and those other warm Countries, of which
+these Dogs are Natives, the Objection of Cold is removed, and for that
+Reason there always will be, either young Partridges, or Young Pheasants,
+or Leverets, &c. upon which a Pointer might live all the Year round, though
+the old ones would prove too quick for him. It will be no Objection,
+neither, to say, that a true bred Pointer will not break or tear his Game;
+for that is owing to the Care which is taken, not to let him play with a
+Bird too long, after it is shot, when he is first entered; for if once a
+Dog has a Taste of the Blood, and gets a Habit of breaking his Game, it
+will be almost impossible to cure him of it again.
+
+It is the Nature of most Animals of Prey, to play with their Game before
+they devour it. Every one must have observed how a Cat plays with a Mouse,
+before she dispatches it: It is a Kind of a Suspension of the Pleasure,
+which they promise themselves, in the devouring so delicious a Morsel. And
+though Human Nature is apt to reflect upon the other Parts of the Creation
+for Cruelty, he is not a bit better himself; for what Angler is not
+sensible of the high Pleasure of having a Trout at his Line? which he
+suffers to flounce and spring in the Water much longer than he has
+Occasion, to which violent Pain and Fright of the Fish he gives the Name of
+fine Sport. Not to mention hunting an Animal to Death by Inches, with
+Hounds, when he might take a Gun, and dispatch it in a Second. The Truth
+is, no Animal can be taxed with Cruelty, so long as he pursues the Dictates
+of his Nature.
+
+Since then it is the Nature of most Animals to play with their Game before
+they dispatch it, we may conclude, that if a young Pointer does not devour
+his Game when it is shot to him, it is only because we do not give him Time
+enough, and that, like other Animals of Prey, it is not his Manner to do it
+immediately.
+
+Having shewn that a Pointer is an Animal whose Prey is Game, we may
+conclude, that a young Dog makes that sudden Stop when he comes upon Game,
+for the same Reason that a Cat stops before she leaps upon a Sparrow; viz.
+that he may dart the surer upon them when he does leap.
+
+As to the Article of holding up his Foot, it entirely depends upon what
+Position his Legs happen to be in, when his Nose first catches the full
+Scent of the Birds; he stands in a convulsed Situation; and whatever
+Posture a Leg is in, at the Time of his first being sure of the Scent, in
+that Attitude he remains, whether his Leg happens to be lifted up or on the
+Ground. So that if he does lift up his Leg, when he points at the Game, it
+is not in order to shew his Master the Spot where they lie, as some have
+imagined, but is entirely accidental.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XVIII.
+
+    _That the Way to make Boys learn their Books, is to keep them in School
+    all Day, and whip them._
+
+Though the Examples which we have of the Behaviour of the Ancient Worthies
+and Heroes, shew, that neither Bonds nor Imprisonment can abate the
+Intrepidity of a Man of true Courage; Yet, to Mankind in general, and
+especially to those who are but of tender Years, Imprisonment and Scourging
+together, are most likely to blunt the Understanding, and take off the Edge
+of the Genius. And indeed, the Mistake of imprisoning Boys in a School, for
+whole Days together, is practised only in Country Schools, where the
+Masters of them know no better. At Eaton and Westminster, that foolish
+Custom has been abolished for some Time; at Eaton especially, they perfect
+themselves in their Lessons out of School, and only come into School to
+repeat them. And, not to mention, how greatly the fresh Air contributes
+towards clearing the Head, as all Students must have observed; the very
+Thoughts of Liberty, and the knowing that after they have done with their
+Lessons, they can follow their Amusements, is enough to make them apply
+with double Diligence to what they are about: It is a Kind of Fighting for
+Liberty in that Case. Whereas, when a Boy is confined to School for a whole
+Day together, he has no Encouragement to exert himself in the Cause of
+Liberty; for when he has fought his Battle bravely, and gone through all
+the Dangers of his Campaign, he is no nearer to his wished-for Mark,
+Liberty, than the dullest Boy at the lower End of School. But this leads me
+to another Error, (viz.)
+
+                  XIX.
+
+    _That clogging their Parts with long Grammar Rules, will make them
+    bright Scholars._
+
+This Practice too begins to be left off in the great Schools. I remember,
+when I was a Boy, though I was exceedingly well grounded, and had the whole
+Scheme of the Grammar quite clear in my Head; yet they thought proper to
+torment me a long Time, with Rules at the End of the Syntax.
+
+There was licet, and there was decet, and tædet, and oportet, and nocet,
+and Abundance more, Verbs Impersonal, that ought to be tied upon a String,
+like the Roman-Catholic Beads, before they are given to Boys to get by
+Heart, without any Connection between them. I was in Phædrus's Fables, and
+should have known any of these independent Gentry, if I had met them singly
+in any Country in Europe, without being tormented with them alltogether.
+
+Such Methods as these, are apt to make a Boy apprehend, that the Intention
+of Grammar is meerly to give Trouble, and perplex; without any View of
+Advantage, which may hereafter arise from such an intense Application.
+
+And indeed, whatever the Intent of them may be, a Lad of such a Persuasion,
+would not be much mistaken, with regard to the Effect they have.
+
+It must be a very different Kind of Genius, which can attain to the
+Repetition of dull Grammar Rules, from one, who has Fire enough to digest
+the Beauty of such Lines as these:
+
+  _Consedere Duces, et Volgi stante Coronâ,_
+  _Surgit ad hos Clypei Dominus septemplicis Ajax;_
+  _Utque erat impatiens iræ, Sigeia torvo_
+  _Littora respexit, Classemque in Littora Vultu_, &c.
+                                Ovid Metam.
+
+By letting him taste a little of the Kernel, without keeping him too long
+in the disagreeable Part of getting off the Outside of the Walnut, he would
+make a much quicker Progress; as he would find, that the Trouble he had
+underwent would be rewarded with such Pleasure, as nothing but the Idea of
+Business, or Force, which accompanies it, could render tiresome. It will be
+objected here, that nothing can be done without these Grammar Rules, and
+that however disagreeable they may be, they are what must be gone through,
+in order to make good Scholars. To which I answer, First, that common
+Grammar not only may be, but is, contracted into a much less Compass than
+is generally made use of. Nay, I will go farther: A certain Clergyman,
+whose Name it is needless to mention here, was determined to try if he
+could not teach a Boy Latin and Greek, without any Grammar at all; and he
+chose to try the Experiment first upon his own Son, who seems to be about
+twelve Years of Age. The Boy can now construe any Latin or Greek, that is
+tolerably easy, very readily. And I make no Doubt, but as the World grows
+wiser, they will reduce Grammar into a shorter Compass still than ever has
+been done yet. The Grounds of Musick, are to the full as dry as the Rules
+of Latin Grammar; and it was formerly a great Work to teach Youth the Rules
+of Composition; Nevertheless, they have lately found out a much shorter Way
+of going to Work, and every one now begins to have a little Smattering of
+Composition; which they attain to by reading those little Pamphlets, which
+have been wrote lately upon that Subject.
+
+I heard a Gentleman say, that he learned more of Composition, by reading a
+little short Thing of Pasquali's, than he could acquire by having a Master,
+who taught by the old Method, in a couple of Years: It is the very same in
+Grammar, and indeed, it is the same in all Sciences. There is an easy Way
+of doing every Thing, if we could but find it out; and if any Thing appears
+difficult, it is, because we are in a wrong Method.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XX.
+
+    _That teaching Boys Bawdy Books, will make them religious Men and good
+    Clergymen._
+
+Though most of the greatest Geniusses among the Ancients, have touched upon
+that String; and though, reading the Works of the great Poets, who have
+wrote in that Style, does ripen the Genius, and teach Lads an elegant
+Expression, as well as set them forward in the Languages; yet, I cannot
+come into the Opinion, that Youth, especially those who are intended for
+the Church, should be suffered to read the Composition of such a Master of
+Intrigue, as Ovid; or some of the Odes of such a Libertine, as Horace.
+
+An English Reader will understand my Meaning, when I tell him, that some of
+the common School-books, which Boys learn at the Age of Sixteen, are more
+lewd than any Thing in Rochester's Poems.
+
+For though this Lord was pretty plain in his Expressions, and his
+Composition is quite _Spiritoso_, yet his Works may rather be said to
+instruct a Person in the Science of Wickedness, than to stir him up to it.
+
+The Case is very different with regard to such a Writer as Ovid. He had the
+great Advantage of calling in the Religion of the Times to his Assistance,
+when he had a mind to be more wicked than ordinary: He could make the most
+lewd and profligate Scenes appear sacred Mysteries, by giving them the
+pious Title of the Rites of Venus. Then there is a Softness through all his
+Works, which attacks the Heart with a seeming harmless Familiarity, and
+differs very much from the Air of Rochester; whose Strokes may be compared
+to the smutty ones which Hogarth has given us, in some of his Paintings;
+while those of Ovid have the alluring Attitude of a Venus de Medicis.
+
+Pardon, Reader, if I transgress a little, by owning, that I have seen such
+a Book as Rochester's Poems long ago; and you will the more easily excuse
+me, when I tell you, that I was taught such a Book as Ovid at School. What
+has been said about these Books, is intended to shew the Impropriety of
+using such Authors in a School: And a Clergyman need not be ashamed of
+owning, that he has read even an Atheistical Book: For how should any
+Person be able to confute an Author, unless he first peruses his Work, in
+order to know the Fallacy of the Arguments, which are made use of in it?
+After that, he may fairly endeavour to say something against it, but not
+before.
+
+What I would here urge is, that Boys might have many entertaining, useful
+Books put into their Hands, which may be very elegant, and yet very
+innocent; without stirring up their Passions to a higher Pitch, than Nature
+has intended, by letting them into the History of the Amours which were
+carried on among the ancient Romans, who were, if possible, more lascivious
+than the modern; as Rome was at that Time of a larger Extent, and more
+wealthy, and consequently more able to carry on the Schemes of Vice, than
+at present.
+
+When Ovid wrote, the Romans might be said to be at the Height of their
+Luxury, in which they were not a little improved by their Eastern
+Expeditions. And tho' Ovid's Epistles, which are more usually taught at
+School, than his other Works, are modest enough in themselves, and would be
+proper enough for grown up People to read, being nothing but a polite
+Correspondence between Lovers of Distinction; yet there is something so
+tender in the Style of them, that they are apt to give Youth a Turn for
+Love Affairs, rather sooner than they would have, if Nature was left to
+itself.
+
+For tho' the Soil of England is fertile, and it may be called a fine,
+flourishing Country; yet, the Weather we have here is rough most Part of
+the Year, and in many Parts of it, the Air is chill, and unwholesome; and
+on that Account, nothing but the hardy Diversions, which are generally
+followed by Youth, such as Hunting, and the like, can ever keep them in
+Health. Excess of Venery would agree much better with any Constitution, in
+the soft Atmospere of Italy, than amongst the rough Blasts of Old England;
+so that if we give way so their Vices, we shall soon find that our
+Constitutions will not endure any such Excess of Pleasure, as the Italians
+are able to sustain more easily on Account of the Mildness of their
+Climate, and the Frame of their Constitutions. Not that I would be thought
+to justify Lewdness and Debauchery in Italy, any more than in England. I
+only endeavour to shew the double Impropriety of suffering English Youth,
+to be acquainted with the Vices of the Italians.
+
+I am for having an Edition of Horace printed, which shall contain only such
+of his Odes as do not touch upon the Affair of Love. It is in vain to say
+that Boys need only be taught the modest Part of his Works; for if they are
+taught only the modest Odes by their Masters, they will be sure to read the
+bawdy ones by themselves.
+
+But if I was to offer ever so many just Reasons, for the Confirmation of
+what has been here said, I am afraid it would be exceeding difficult to
+persuade any one to leave a Track, which they have long been used to.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXI.
+
+    _That the present Age is a duller Age, and less ingenious, than those
+    which are past._
+
+This Error is owing to those Harangues, which the old People entertain
+their Posterity with, over the Fire in the Winter, about what was done in
+their Time, and what clever Fellows they themselves were in their Youth,
+and how much the Age declines, &c. In short, an old Man, as Horace
+describes him, is _Laudator Temporis acti se Puero_. But we must beg Leave
+to tell these venerable Declaimers, that however they may be wrapped up in
+the Greatness of their own Exploits, England never could boast a brighter
+Age, nor perhaps so bright a one, as she can at present; and we challenge
+any one who contradicts it, to tell us, if the Ancients were greater
+Geniusses than the Moderns, in what Art or Science it was, that they did so
+greatly outstrip us. Perhaps such a Person might begin first, and say, that
+they excelled us greatly in Carving and Painting. With regard to these I
+acquiesce, and do acknowledge, that the Art of Carving is not in such
+Perfection as in former Ages, because it is not practised, and is not the
+present fashionable Ornament of Houses; and we do likewise acknowledge,
+that the Art of Painting on Glass is very near lost, and is not likely to
+be revived whilst the Window-tax continues.
+
+We agree, I say, that the Arts of Carving, and Painting upon Glass, are
+almost extinct; and allowing that former Ages excelled the present in
+Painting in general, yet, What are these few Polite Arts? They are quite
+insignificant, when compared to the vast Improvements, which have been made
+in many other really useful Branches: In Agriculture, in Navigation, in
+War, in gaining Settlements in foreign Countries, in Trading to those
+Settlements, in Printing, in carrying on Correspondence by Posts, in Roads,
+in Carriages, in the Breed of Horses, in Manufactures, and in numberless
+other Articles, too tedious to mention.
+
+It must be acknowledged, that for all these Improvements, we are obliged to
+the Arts and Sciences. They are as it were the first moving Force of Power
+in any Country; and if we take a Survey of all the Nations of the Earth, we
+shall find, that those Monarchs, who encourage Learning, and support
+Academies, are able to extend their Dominions farther than those, who, by a
+total Attention to Military Discipline, (though even that too depends upon
+the Sciences) neglect the Cultivation of that Learning, upon the Support of
+which, the Extension of their Dominions to foreign Parts depends. It is to
+the Invention of Astronomers, Mechanics, and Opticians, that we owe the
+principal Instruments, which are made Use of in Navigation; to their
+Ingenuity we owe the Quadrant, without which we should never know our
+Latitude; to these we are indebted for the Telescope, by which we discover
+Jupiter's Satellites, and find out our Longitude; to these we owe the
+Explanation of the Compass; to these the Contrivances of Pullies, by which
+we hale up our Tackling. In short, all the Inventions, which we find in the
+different Machines made Use of, either by Land or Water, though by long Use
+they are become familiar in the Hands of illiterate Persons, were no doubt
+originally contrived by the Study and Ingenuity of Men of Science at Home.
+And if Nature should shew her dislike to a Stagnation, and express her
+wonted Approbation of a Vicissitude in Human Affairs; who knows, but when
+the Sciences are forgot in this Kingdom, and we, by that Means, lose the
+Art of exerting that Force, which must keep up the Dignity of England over
+her Colonies; who knows (which Heaven avert!) but America may see herself
+the Mistress of the World, and the Seat of Empire, whilst we are reduced
+once more to the State of unletter'd Savages; and shall in vain discharge
+our feeble Arrows, and cast our ill-directed Javelins, against the Sides of
+their perhaps Five Hundred Gun Ships of War: Or the great Mogul, with his
+prodigious Armies, for Want of these Arts and Sciences abovementioned, and
+for no other Reason, may one Day or other find himself dethroned by a
+Prince, who will be able to reach him, though his Dominions do lie on the
+other Side of an unfathomable Sea.
+
+And if these Vicissitudes should in Process of Time happen, they will be no
+other than what have been before. What is become of Palmyra? Where is Troy?
+The stately Palaces of Troy are removed into the peaceful Habitation of the
+once Arcadian Shepherds. And if the Disposer of all Things should so order
+it, Daphnis and Menalcas, may again sing their rural Songs on the very
+Spot, where now the Seraglio of the Grand Signior seems to bid Defiance to
+a whole Continent.
+
+Though there is a large Scope for Dissertation, on the various Improvements
+of different Kinds, which have been made in almost all Branches, both of
+Science and Commerce, it cannot be expected, (even supposing the Author
+capable of such a Task) that they should all be brought into a Work of this
+Nature, as we have already enlarged more upon this Subject, than was at
+first intended. However, as it is a disputed Point, whether the Science of
+Music is improved or not, we shall beg Leave to say a little upon that
+Subject. And as Music is a Science, which, though it is not equal to some
+others in Utility, falls short of none, for the innocent Entertainment
+which it affords to those, who are so happy as to be formed by Nature, with
+Organs for the Enjoyment of it; we will venture to make it the Subject of
+the next Chapter. And we think it is an Error to affirm,
+
+                  XXII.
+
+    _That the Musical Composition of this present Age is inferior to that
+    of the last._
+
+Though we are very sensible that we shall have a Multitude of Mouths open
+against us, for being so hardy as to assert what will be the Contents of
+this Chapter, and shall be exclaimed against by many, who never yet came to
+the Knowledge of any other Music than Corelli's Sonatas, which must indeed
+be allowed to be almost the Foundation of Music; and though all those
+Performers who live in the Country, and either through Business at Home, or
+other Reasons, have not had the Opportunity of hearing the best modern
+Music performed in Town, and having tried some of the worst of it over by
+themselves, upon their Instruments, and finding the Execution of it too
+difficult for their Performance, on Account of their being unacquainted
+with the modern Manner of bowing and fingering, together with a total
+Mistake of the Air and Manner, in which the Composition set before them
+ought to be played: All these Obstacles put together, I say, are apt to
+induce such, as are not very ready at Sight, and labour under the aforesaid
+Inconveniences, to pronounce all Modern Music, of what Kind soever, (taking
+it all in the Lump, as one would do Soap or Tallow) to be exceeding bad and
+foolish, and therefore not worth a Gentleman's Attention.
+
+Now begging Pardon first, for the ill Manners of Contradiction, I shall
+take the liberty to offer a few reasonable Arguments, to shew, that tho'
+there has lately been a great deal of very bad Music performed, yet there
+has likewise been published a great Variety of exceeding fine Composition.
+
+Without mentioning the Names of the Composers, or the Names of their Music,
+we shall endeavour to give some substantial Reasons, why the present
+Composition, should excel that of those, who wrote in those Times when
+Masters were but newly become acquainted with the Laws of Harmony.
+
+The Case is the same in Music as it is in all other Matters; we find that
+all Arts have the greater Improvements made in them, the longer they have
+been introduced into any Country, and the more they are followed. This is
+natural; because the more Hands a Science has to go through, the greater
+Chance it has to meet with Men of Ingenuity in its Progress, who may
+forward it towards Perfection. What a sorry Appearance would an ancient
+Galley make against one of our First-rate Men of War, either in Sailing or
+Fighting? Or if it had been possible for Julius Cæsar, with all his Romans,
+when they invaded Britain, to have met with a Forty Gun Ship, they would
+have been all sunk by a few Broad Sides. This is a Truth that every one
+will acknowledge; and it is as true, that the present Musicians do very
+much excel those who lived some Time ago.
+
+Masters of Music, by Practice, have lately found out a better, easier, and
+stronger Way of Performing upon their several Instruments, than was
+formerly known; and to this new and better Method of Performance they have
+composed suitable Music, which admits of greater Execution, greater Variety
+of Expression, and a better Tone, than could be brought out of Instruments
+before such Improvements were made. And we find that Geminiani, who was a
+close Follower of Corelli, has thought proper to make Concertos of what
+Corelli intended for Solos; well knowing, that though the Ground of them
+was exceeding fine, yet they were very capable of being improved by adding
+Parts to them, and adorning them with what might be called, at that Time,
+modern Embellishments and Graces.
+
+And if one of so small Judgment as myself, may say any Thing about the
+Composition of so great a Genius as Geminiani, I will venture to think,
+that we have Masters now living, who are capable of taking some of the
+ancient Stiffness of Style from that great Composer, and giving him a more
+easy, free, and flowing Air; without taking from the Greatness of the
+Subject, or varying from the Groundwork of the Harmony, in the least.
+
+For the Intent of Music is not to puzzle People's Heads, by consisting of
+intricate Harmony, and stiff Mathematical Transitions from one Key to
+another; by that Means, it would become the most dry and insipid of all
+Sciences, and fit for none but Pedants. No, the sole Intent of Music is to
+give Pleasure, which it is more likely to do, by the Freedom and Ease of
+its Transitions, and the Softness of its flowing Numbers, than by a stiff,
+starched, and over formal Composition.
+
+The present Musicians excel the ancient ones, as much as the modern Ladies
+do those of former Times in Dress; and their Compositions differ as much
+from those which were played some Time ago, as the elegant Ease of a modern
+Lady's Shape, excels the stiff Stays and monstrous Hoop Petticoats of those
+who had the Honour to be the Grand-mothers of the present Age; and which
+are apt to give us the Idea of an Engagement of a different Nature from one
+where Cupid is supposed to preside: It rather puts us in Mind of something
+Martial, and makes us almost ready to apprehend we are going to exchange
+Hardiment, as Shakespeare calls it, instead of railing our Expectations
+into a Duel of another Nature.
+
+Having now shewn our utter Aversion to Stays, we will return to our
+Subject. And we hope the Reader will pardon the Digression, as this is not
+the first Time that a Pair of Stays have made a Man turn out of his Road.
+
+But there is another Reason why the modern Music should excel the ancient;
+and that is, the Difference in the Make and and Length of the Bow with
+which a Violin is struck. Violins are the Sinews of a Concert; they are, as
+it were, the main Body of a Band of Music; they are the Roman Legions of
+the Army; while the other Instruments are Slingers, Archers, and
+Light-horse. Now in the Time of Corelli, who must be allowed to be the
+Father of Harmony, the Bows were not above half so long as they are at
+present, neither were they so well shaped, either at the Heel or Point, nor
+had they the Spring which the Bows now made have. So that a Piece of Music
+which is calculated for the modern Manner of Bowing, could not have gone
+off so well in former Times: They had not the Power of swelling a Note out,
+in Imitation of the Human Voice, which may be done with a modern Bow; and
+the old Bows were so aukwardly made, that they could not be held at the
+End, but were obliged to be kept in a Kind of Ballance towards the Middle;
+and we may guess what spudding Work it must be, when there were not above a
+Couple of Inches in a Bow which could be conveniently used. However, these
+little short Bows suited very well for even Semiquavers and Quavers, of
+which we find the old Music chiefly to consist. So that we by no Means call
+in Question the Abilities of the Composers who lived at that Time; since it
+appears, that they composed their Music suitable to the Instruments which
+they had to perform it upon. No; we have a due Reverence for the Memory of
+those very great Geniusses; and are fully persuaded, that if it was
+possible for them to live again, with the Advantages which the Moderns
+enjoy the Benefit of, they would excel not only what they have done
+themselves, but likewise what any one else has done.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXIII.
+
+    _That the Hearing of Musical Performances, is apt to soften Men too
+    much, and by that Means, to give them an effeminate Manner._
+
+Whether this Error proceeds from the Idea of that Facility with which Music
+is able to stir up a Variety of Passions in the Heart, annexed to the Idea
+of that Disposition which appears to be stronger in Women than in Man, and
+is called the Weakness of the Sex; or whether it proceeds from a Notion
+that Pity and Sorrow, and the like, are Passions which are not worthy the
+Breast of a Man, and are only fit for the timorous Constitution of Women,
+it favours equally of Absurdity and Barbarity in both Cases.
+
+For so far is Pity from denoting any Cowardice or Effeminacy, that it is a
+certain Indication of a great Soul; we find it frequently mentioned among
+the most conspicuous Virtues, with which the Heroes among the Ancients were
+said to be endued. And with regard to the Passions, which are raised by
+Music in the Heart it depends upon the Nicety of the Feelings in the Nerves
+of the Hearer; and we cannot help observing, that Men of the greatest
+Sensibility are generally Persons of the strictest Honour and the most
+exalted Courage.
+
+As for those who are so unfortunate as not to be formed by Nature for the
+Reception of harmonious Sounds, we do not entirely give them up: But we
+refer the Reader to a Passage, which he will find in the Merchant of
+Venice, and which, tho' the Observation may hold good in some Cases, yet,
+we must beg to be excused inserting the Words here, as we think the Remark
+is rather too severe and too general, and was introduced by the Poet
+chiefly with an Intent to set his malicious Jew off in the most odious
+Light, who had been declaring, that he detested the vile Squeaking of the
+Wry-neck'd Fife, and ordered his [1]Windows to be shut up, that the Sound
+of them might not be heard in his House. And if the old Poet is a little
+severe in this Place, he does it principally with an Intention to divest
+the Audience of any Compassion, which might otherwise be stirred up in
+their Minds by the Misfortunes which will attend Shylock in the following
+Scenes; and by that Means the Plot turns out according to the Wish of the
+Spectators. This is one of those Preparations of the ensuing Scene for
+which Shakespeare is so notorious, and which may be observed in all his
+Plays. But to return to our Subject; it seems that those People who have
+Organs for the Reception of Musical Sounds, are affected with such Passions
+as the Composer of good Music intends to excite in them. And we believe
+that the Constitution of a Hearer may be moulded and formed into various
+Shapes by the different Airs which he hears; and moreover, if a Person was
+always to be accustomed to soft, effeminate Music, we agree that it might
+render his Constitution effeminate likewise; but as there are such great
+Variety of different Movements, which are adapted to different Songs, all
+which raise different Passions in the Mind, it is very absurd to tax all
+Music in the Lump with Softness and Effeminacy.
+
+Any one may perceive the Difference of these two Songs, both of which have
+their Effect when they are well sung.
+
+  _Gently touch the warbling Lyre,_
+  _Cloe seems inclin'd to rest;_
+  _Fill her Soul with fond Desire,_
+  _Softest Notes will please her best._
+
+These Words, which are sung to an Air of Geminiani's, cause a very
+different Sensation, from these which follow, and are set to a suitable
+Air:
+
+  _Come cheer up my Lads, 'tis to Glory we steer &c._
+
+Whatever the first Song may do, this last is not likely to make any Body
+effeminate. I mention these two common Songs, because they are what every
+Reader is capable of digesting, and on that Account are more proper for the
+Purpose than any of those Songs out of Operas, which are not generally
+known.
+
+But we beg Leave here to make a necessary Distinction between two Ideas,
+which are sometimes confounded together, and which is apt to lead People
+into this Error as much as any Thing.
+
+It would be very proper in us, before we prejudice ourselves against any
+Art or Science, to be quite clear in the Objections which we raise against
+it; we should be certain that they are just, and founded upon good Grounds.
+Some People are apt to confound the Idea of raising the softer Passions,
+which have their Residence in our Nature, with the Idea of Effeminacy,
+which, as I said before, are quite distinct. We have an Instance of the
+Passion of Pity in the well known Picture of Bellisarius. The Hero, who
+stands in the dejected Attitude, appears to be very much softened by the
+Misfortunes and Distress to which he sees Bellisarius reduced; and yet no
+one will say that he is an effeminate Fellow for it; on the contrary, it
+will be allowed that he shews a Greatness of Soul; he is struck with a
+contemplative Sorrow at the Misfortunes of a General, whose invincible
+Courage and great Worth he himself had been Witness of. And Bravery in
+Distress is not only the Subject of Painting, but it is the constant Theme
+of Music: The Operas and Oratorios are full of it, and though the
+Misfortunes of the Heroes which are the Subject of them do soften, yet it
+is not such a Kind of Softness as to beget any Effeminacy, but of a
+contrary Nature, and is such a Sensation as an ordinary Hearer will
+perceive at the Beginning of this common Song, which is well enough in its
+Way.
+
+  _How little do the Landmen know,_
+  _What we poor Sailors feel,_
+  _When Seas do roar, and Winds do blow;_
+  _But we have Hearts of Steel._
+
+If we are to be moved by such a Song as this, what shall we feel at some of
+the masterly Strokes of Handel in his Oratorio of Samson.
+
+  _Total Eclipse, no Sun, no Moon,_
+  _All dark, amidst the Blaze of Noon._
+
+One would think, by the resigned Solemnity of this following Movement,
+
+  _Bring the Laurel, bring the Bays_, &c.
+
+that he had been reading Milton's Paradise Lost as well as the Samson
+Agonistes. This seems to be the very Music of the fallen Angels, where he
+says, they made Use of soft Airs, which inspired true Heroic Bravery, and
+which he prefers to the noisy, as it was the Cause of a lasting, fixed, and
+reserved Courage. Milton says, that as soon as the Colours were displayed,
+they marched to the Sound of Flutes and soft Recorders:
+
+                     "_Anon they move_
+  _In perfect Phalanx, to the Dorian Mood_
+  _Of Flutes and soft Recorders; such as rais'd_
+  _To Height of noblest Temper Heroes old_
+  _Arming to battle, and instead of Rage_
+  _Deliberate Valour breath'd firm and unmov'd_
+  _With Dread of Death to Flight and foul Retreat._"
+
+In short, the March in Rinaldo might possibly make Soldiers seize hold of
+their Arms and March, but it must be such an Air as that in the Overture of
+Berenice which makes them face an Enemy.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXIV.
+
+    _That the Italian Operas consist of effeminate Musick._
+
+Though it must be acknowledged that the Language of Italy is smooth and
+flowing, and therefore very much adapted to musical Sounds, and though
+those Songs which are picked out of Operas, and sung by Ladies at Home, are
+generally the Love Songs in the Opera, being such as best suit the Tastes
+and Geniussses of such amiable Performers; yet, it is equally an Error to
+say that Operas are effeminate, or that all the Songs in them are Love
+Songs. No one will say that Quilici with his Bass Voice, in the Character
+of Athridates, acted an effeminate Part; he was one of the principal
+Characters, and acted the Part of a Tyrant, to which the Music was
+excellently adapted, which was greatly set off by his deep Voice and the
+proper Carriage of his Person: So when Mattei orders her General to be
+disarmed, the Majesty of a Queen is admirably supported. Operas are like
+other Performances of Entertainment; they consist of the sublime, the
+cruel, the tender, the distressed, the amorous; in short, they must have
+Variety of Scenes and Incidents in order to make them please the Audience,
+and are like other Dramatic Pieces, not to be taxed with any particular
+Style or Mode of Acting, but consist of such Scenes, Plots, Music, and
+Decorations, as are most likely to give Entertainment to an Audience.
+
+We by no Means defend the Impropriety of a Squeaking Hero, and think that
+it is a Pity it cannot be altered; however, that Imperfection is generally
+palliated, by Propriety of Action, treading the Stage well; Greatness of
+Performance, and many other Excellencies, which those who are much used to
+hear musical Entertainments will easily discern.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXV.
+
+    _That nothing is Poetry but what is wrote in Rhyme._
+
+This may truly be called a vulgar Error, because it is a Mistake of which
+none but the Vulgar are guilty of. Though there is a Kind of harmonious
+Jingle in Rhyme, which makes the Composition have an agreeable Sound, yet
+it is looked upon by all Judges to be the lowest Kind of Poetry. And though
+Pope, and other great Writers, have succeeded to Admiration in the
+Improvement of it, yet it is in Reality nothing but the barbarous Remains
+of the wild Taste of our Ancestors; not to mention how it cramps the Genius
+of a Writer, after he has hit upon a favourite Thought, to be forced to
+look out for a Rhyme, which must, in Spite of every Thing that can be said
+in Favour of it, be exceeding laborious.
+
+And notwithstanding Poets endeavour to hide this Labour and Pains they have
+been at, and affect to have set down their first Thoughts, yet, as Horace
+observes, the foul Copy of a good Writer will always have a great Number of
+Blots and Alterations in it: This is true of all Poetical Composition; but
+a Poem which is wrote in Rhyme, must, according to the Nature of the Thing,
+be more laboured than one that is not. And even Prior himself, whose Works
+are allowed to be all Ease and Elegance, is said to have taken more Pains
+with his Composition, than any other Writer of Eminence. That very Ease and
+Elegance, which we perceive in the best Poets, is the Result of great Pains
+and Study, and is no other than a judicious Choice of Words and Phrases,
+till they have found some that will suit. And however a Poetical Author may
+boast of writing his first Thoughts, we cannot possibly have any Testimony
+of it but his own.
+
+Besides, when we have done all, Verses wrote in Rhyme are nothing near so
+musical as those which are without it. Where shall we find Verses, among
+even the best of our English Poets who wrote in Rhyme, which are equal in
+Smoothness and Harmony to these two Lines in Theocritus?
+
+  [Greek: Adion, ô poiman, to teon melos, ê to kataches]
+  [Greek: Tên apo tas petras kataleixetai hupsothen hudôr.]
+                                _Id. 1._
+
+Or these of Ovid, which, though they are far from being the most smooth in
+the Book, are however more harmonious than any we can produce now.
+
+  _Sic ubi Fata vocant udis abjectis in Herbis,_
+  _Ad vada Mæandri, concinit albus Olor._
+
+Though the first of these Verses makes a Whistling like the Reeds in a
+River, the last runs so glib, that it is ready to slip from under one
+before one would have it.
+
+We acknowledge that the Latin Language is a great Help to the Running of a
+Verse, and if the Reader insists upon that to be the only pre-eminence
+which Latin Verses have over English, he is very welcome to think as he
+likes best. Moreover, if he is so fond of Rhyme, we can inform him of a
+Book which is wrote, in Latin Rhyme, and is very much at his Service: The
+Title of the Book is Drunken Barnaby; which, as it is wrote in a dead
+Language, will most likely remain an everlasting Burlesque upon the
+Barbarity of Rhyme.
+
+But we may venture to go a little farther. It is not necessary for a Work
+to be wrote in Verse at all to entitle it to the Name of Poetry. Any Work
+of a fictitious Nature, and which is calculated meerly for Entertainment,
+has as just a Claim to be stiled Poetical Composition, as one that is wrote
+in the strictest and most confined Metre; Poetry taking its Name from the
+Matter of which it is composed, and not from the Length or Sound of its
+Words; and we may observe, that such Poetry as consists of those Numbers
+which are least confined in their Metre, is generally the most spirited and
+sublime. We have an Instance of this in the Writings of Pindar, a Poet of
+whose Abilities, Horace gives an Account in his Ode,
+
+  _Pindarum quisquis_, &c.
+
+And indeed we have no Occasion to go any farther for Examples of excellent
+Poetry wrote in Prose, than some of the Plays in our own Language; Ben
+Johnson, Congreve, and many more who wrote in Prose, are nevertheless
+ranked among the Poets.
+
+Reader, when thou seest any Thing in this Book which thou didst know
+before, it is hoped thou wilt be so candid as to consider, that although
+thou art sensible of the Errors of other People, yet they themselves may
+not be sensible of them: Yes, even thou, O! profound Philosopher! mayest
+have some mistaken Notions of thy own; for what mortal Man can pretend to
+such Knowledge as never to be mistaken? And we ourselves, while we are
+endeavouring to rectify the Errors of others in this Book, are as likely to
+be mistaken as any Body.
+
+However, there is one Reason why a Work of this Nature is likely to give
+some Entertainment; it treats of such Variety of Subjects, that there is
+Matter for Argumentation in every Page. And it may be observed too perhaps,
+that it treats of more Subjects than the Author himself seems too
+understand; which we do very readily acknowledge: And if a Professor in any
+of the different Branches which are here treated of, who is better versed
+in the Nature of the Subject than the Author, thinks proper to rectify any
+Mistake which may be here made, and does it in a liberal Way, we shall not
+take it amiss, but perhaps may endeavour to answer him, if we should still
+differ from him in our Opinion.
+
+On the other Hand, we shall be under no great Apprehensions from the
+Criticisms of such Readers who have not good Nature enough to be
+entertained with the Matter of a Book, and only read for the Pleasure of
+Pointing out the Faults in Public; of which Sort we are very sorry to say
+that we know too many. These are such Kind of Geniusses as read more out of
+Parade than with a Design to be entertained; and _may_ read.[2]----They
+seldom acquire any Knowledge, having generally bad Memories and confused
+Heads, devouring every Thing, but digesting Nothing. I tell thee, a Man of
+true Parts, and sound Memory, will acquire more by reading one Hour, than
+such Whippersnappers as these are able to attain to by lumbering over a
+Folio.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXVI.
+
+    _That kicking up the Heel behind, and twisting round upon one Leg, is
+    fine Scating._
+
+There are two Methods of Scating, one is made Use of for the Sake of
+Expedition and Conveyance from Place to Place, and is practised by the
+Boors or Peasants in Holland; the other is calculated entirely for
+Amusement, and answers the End of _Shining_ upon the Ice, and therefore is
+suited for Gentlemen near Towns upon Canals, and broad Pieces of Water. The
+first of these Methods is performed by throwing the Body into such an erect
+Posture inclining a little upon the Outside of the Scate, and drawing in
+the Hip gradually, as will describe small Curve upon the Ice; this Practice
+of Scating eases the Inside of the Thigh, and rests it in such a Manner as
+to allow it Time to regain Strength for the next Stroke, and therefore is
+very useful in long Journies; or else as to the Article of Swiftness, a
+straight Line will carry a Person on faster than a Curve, because while he
+is describing a Curve he has more Ground to run over.
+
+The other Method of Scating, which is known in England by the Name of
+Rolling, is done upon the same Principle as the former, only as you have no
+Occasion for Expedition, you have an Opportunity of dweling longer upon
+your Strokes, and your Time; by which Means, instead of describing a small
+Curve, you describe a large one.
+
+It will be necessary to explain the Cause of this Motion, before we can
+make the Reader sensible of what we intend to say.
+
+All Bodies that are put into Motion upon the Surface of the Earth, are
+acted upon by two Forces; namely, a Projectile Force and a Centripetal
+Force. The Projectile Force is that which is given it by the Hand or
+Strength of any Person, and the Centripetal Force is that which causes all
+Bodies to seek the Center of the Earth. For Instance, when a Stone is cast
+into the Air to any Distance, the Reason why it does not move on to
+Eternity without stopping (as it ought to do by the Principles of
+Mechanics) is, because the Centripetal Force keeps continually acting upon
+it, till it has pulled it down to the Ground again: This serves to explain
+what is meant by a Centripetal Force.
+
+Now, when a Person scates, he is acted upon by these two Forces, as other
+Bodies in Motion are. It is the Projectile Force which throws him upon the
+Outside of the Scate, till he has got quite out of the Center of Gravity,
+by which Means he would be pulled to the Ground by the Centripetal Force,
+if he was not supported by the Projectile Force, which is strong enough to
+make Head against the Centripetal for a little while (in the same Manner as
+it is able to keep a Stone in the Air till it is spent) and by that Time
+the Person scating has recovered himself into an erect Posture. This
+Projectile Force is given by a Stroke of the Foot, inclined to the Plain of
+the Ice; by which Means, the _whole_ Edge of the Scate takes hold, and is
+your moving Force; and the more of the Edge of the Scate a Person uses in
+his Stroke, the easier he will go to himself, and the greater Velocity he
+will move with: For if he dwells more upon the Heel of the Scate than the
+Toe, or vice versâ, he not only loses Part of his moving Force, by losing
+Part of the Edge of his Scate, which is absolutely the moving Force, but he
+likewise encreases his Friction, which ought to be destroyed as much as
+possible; and at the same Time loses that Symmetry of Gesture, upon which
+the Gracefulness of his Attitude depends.
+
+When a Person scates properly, he keeps the Foot that he strikes with in
+such a Posture upon the Ice, as to make the whole Scate take hold of it
+sideways, without destroying his progressive Motion; and instead of kicking
+up his Heel behind, just when he takes Leave of the Ice, with the Foot
+which has been striking, he gives his Toe a Turn outwards, which not only
+gives him a genteel Air, being according to the Rules of Dancing, but
+likewise sends him with twice the Force upon the Outside, as it adds to
+that Projectile Force which is to make Head against the Centripetal, and to
+keep him upon his Legs after he has got out of the Center of Gravity; and
+which uncommon Phoenomenon gives that Surprize and Pleasure to a Beholder,
+which he perceives at the Sight of a fine Scater.
+
+I mention this, because I have met with those who have obstinately
+persisted in it, that some Persons who kick up their Heels behind, and
+strike only with the Toe of their Scate, because they can go a Snail's
+Gallop upon the Outside, are fine Scaters; when they are making Use of a
+Method which is repugnant to the very Principles of Mechanics.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXVII.
+
+    _That using hard Words and long Sentences, in Discourse or in Writing,
+    is an Indication of Scholarship._
+
+It must be allowed, that good Language is a very great Embellishment,
+either to a Person's Conversation, or his Writing; but as it is intended
+only to set off what we have to say to the best Advantage, we should
+endeavour to use it with such Moderation, as will answer that End, and no
+more; otherwise, we shall make ourselves appear very ridiculous in the Eyes
+of Men of Learning and Knowledge.
+
+Good Language, in the Mouth of a Fine Gentleman, resembles the Elegance of
+his Dress; it becomes equally ridiculous when ill-judged, or over done: For
+as there is no Doubt but good Cloaths set off the Person to a great
+Advantage, when they are made with Judgement, and worn with a becoming
+Carriage, so an elegant Choice of Words and Sentences are a great Ornament
+to Conversation. But on the other Hand, a Suit of Cloaths, though made of
+the finest Materials and covered with Lace, will make but an aukward
+Appearance if it is ill-made, and worn by one who has not the Carriage of a
+Gentleman. So it is with Language. Fine Words, in the Mouths of the
+Ignorant, are as unbecoming as Gold Lace upon the Back of a Porter.--And
+not only the Ignorant are guilty of this Error, but even those who do know
+the Meaning of the Words they use, are apt, by affecting an elegant
+Diction, to run themselves into Obscurity; and while they are attending to
+their Language, and studying hard Words, neglect the Matter of their
+Discourse; to explain which is the sole End of Speaking. The Use of Words
+being only to convey our Ideas to each other.
+
+There is a Shew-board over a Watchmaker's Shop at Oxford, which may serve
+for a Burlesque upon the Folly of using hard Words: I cannot charge my
+Memory with all the Jargon wrote upon that Board; however, I remember that
+it was a long Account of what the Man in the Shop sold, and what he did;
+and among other Things it said that _Horologies_ were _mundified_ there;
+which Expression we think is enough to make any Man sick of the Languages,
+and abjure every Thing that belongs to Literature for the future.
+
+I have met People in the Street, whose profound Ignorance I have been well
+assured of, who have immediately stunned me upon the first entering into
+Discourse with half a Dozen hard Words: And it is not long since, a young
+Gentleman came to the Coffee-house, and ordered the Waiter, when he sent
+Coffee and Tea to his Chambers, to let him have an _additional_ Muffin: The
+Man stared at him, and told him, that he did not know how to do one in that
+Manner, but he could carbonade him one if he pleased.
+
+A Lady would think it extraordinary language, upon a Gentleman's desiring
+to carry on an Intrigue with her, if he was to ask her, whether she would
+have an additional Husband, or not? However, as this is a prodigious fine
+Word, and as fine Words are always made use of in addressing the Ladies, we
+are of Opinion that it would be proper to adapt this as an Improvement in
+the Language of Lovers.
+
+Almost all Professions are stuffed so full of Terms of Art, that to
+understand the Meaning of all the Words which are made use in any one of
+them, is long enough for a Science of itself. The only End they answer, is
+to puzzle those who are not of the same Profession. Not long ago, a young
+Man in the Country, who had weak Eyes, applied to a Surgeon for Relief in
+his Disorder. The Surgeon, upon examining his Patient, told him, that he
+would send him some Drops which would _refrigerate_ his Eye.
+
+The young Man came Home again, not very well satisfied, being not certain
+what he might have to undergo by this Refrigeration, having never heard the
+Word before. Surely he might with as much Propriety have been told, that
+what was in the Bottle would put him to no Pain, but was only intended to
+cool his Eyes.
+
+It is incredible to think how cleverly some People, who have not had the
+Advantages of Education, will manage about Half a Dozen of these Words when
+they have got them. I have known some, who, for the Space of four or five
+Minutes, would deceive a Stranger, and induce him to think that he had met
+with a Person of great Learning. And however odd this may appear, we think
+we ourselves can manage the few hard Words which have been mentioned here,
+in such a Manner as to make an extraordinary Sentence of them: For
+Instance, supposing a Person had no other fine Words but these in his
+Catalogue, and had an Occasion for them in addressing a Lady; we are of
+Opinion, that he might shine by ranging them all in this Order.
+
+Madam, I presume your _Horologie_ will never go right unless it is
+_mundified_ by an _additional_ Lover; therefore, let me have the Honour to
+_refrigerate_ your Eye.
+
+A Swain of a more happy Invention, might make a much finer Speech out of
+these Words; but as we have done our utmost in the Attempt, we shall take
+Leave of the Subject; having shewn, to a Demonstration, the singular
+Advantage of making Use of fine Words.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXVIII.
+
+    _That the Way to get a Sailing Boat off the Shore, when she is fast by
+    any Accident, is to let go both or all the Sails, and stand at her
+    Head, and push with a Sprit._
+
+This Error, though it may seem ridiculous to those who have been brought up
+at Sea, and understand Sailing, is nevertheless very common in Inland
+Rivers, where Sailing is but little understood. You may very frequently see
+fresh-water Sailors, as soon as they find that their Boat has struck,
+immediately let both their Main-sail and Fore-sail fly, after which they
+all run to the Head of the Boat with Sprits, and begin to endeavour to push
+her off; which Method is contrary to the Rules of Mechanics, and therefore
+of Sailing.
+
+A Boat or Vessel of any Size (a 90 Gun Ship moving upon the same Principle
+as the smallest Cutter,) is acted upon by the Powers which are the Cause of
+her Motion as she swims in the Water, in the same Manner as a Lever of the
+first Kind, whose Center or Prop is between the Power and the Weight. To
+explain this, let us suppose a Boat, instead of Swimming in the Water, to
+be upon dry Land, and to have her Mast run quite through her, and fastened
+into the Ground, upon which she might be turned at Pleasure, as upon an
+Axle-Tree: In this Case, as her Mast is rather nearer her Head than her
+Stern, it would be more easy to turn her Head round by laying hold of her
+Stern, because there would be a Mechanical Advantage, by the greater Length
+from the Stern to the Mast, than from the Head to the Mast. And in whatever
+Direction the Stern of the Vessel is turned, her Head must move the
+contrary Way, and vice versâ. Now, the same will happen to a Vessel in the
+Water; if you push her Head in one Direction, her Stern will move in the
+other, and vice versâ. So that a Vessel under Sail with a Side-wind, may be
+called a Lever of the first Kind, both whose Extremities are kept in a
+Ballance by the Sails and Rudder; Forces which keep continually acting upon
+her. The Rudder may be considered as a Kind of Moderator, which is to
+interpose when the Sails which are before the Mast, or those which are
+behind the Mast, or abaft, overpower each other, and destroy that Ballance
+which a Vessel rightly trimmed very near preserves of herself. It must be
+observed, that the Sails before the Mast of a Vessel, and those behind it,
+act in contrary Directions. Those which are before the Mast turn her Head
+from the Wind, and those which are behind it turn her Head towards the
+Wind.
+
+By this Time, we see the Impropriety of letting both the Main-sail and
+Fore-sail of a Vessel go, when she strikes upon Ground, and then running to
+her Head in order to push her off: For first, concerning the Article of
+going to her Head to push her off, if she is a small Vessel, the Weight of
+two or three People at her Head will press that Part, which generally
+happens to be the Part upon the Shore, still closer down; which is a Thing
+so well known to every Waterman, that we shall say no more about that. Now,
+as to letting both the Sails go, they might with as much Propriety both be
+set, for as they act in contrary Directions, they destroy each other's
+Force, if the Vessel is well trimmed; so that a Vessel will come off the
+Ground no sooner for letting both the Sails go. The Method that I should
+take in a Case of that Kind, would be to set the Main-sail and let the
+Fore-sail fly, and if that would not do alone, to assist the Main-sail by
+pushing at the Windward-side of her Stern with a Sprit, both which Forces
+acting together, namely the Main-sail and the Sprit, would in all
+Probability put her Head about so as to bring it beyond the Point from
+which the Wind blows, which Point after I had got her past, I would set the
+Fore-sail to the other Tack, and let the Main-sail go; and by that Means,
+the Fore-sail would put her Head almost round; then the Main-sail might be
+set, and after Sailing back so far as to get quite clear of the Place where
+the Vessel stuck fast before, she might be tacked about again, and pursue
+her intended Voyage.
+
+I don't presume to say, that this is the very best Method of getting a
+Vessel off the Shore; as those who have been used to the Sea may have a
+more ready Method still: But I do say, that it is a Method which is
+consonant to the Principles of Mechanics, for which Reason, it may very
+safely be put in Execution, either at Sea or in fresh Water.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXIX.
+
+    _That planting Aquatics upon Banks in the Fenns, will preserve and
+    strengthen them, so as to render them more able to resist the Force of
+    a Flood._
+
+What will be asserted in this Chapter is not the Result of Surmise, but is
+what I have been an Eye Witness of. Be it known then unto all those, who
+think proper to do this Book so much Honour as to give it a Perusal, that
+the Author is a Fenman: Why should he be ashamed of his Native Country? A
+Country, where they have Inverted the following Lines of Horace:
+
+  _Omne cum Proteus pecus egit altos_
+                      _Visere Montes:_
+  _Piscium & summâ genus hæsit Ulmo,_
+  _Nota quæ sedes fuerat columbis,_
+  _Et superjecto pavidæ natarunt_
+                      _Æquore Dammæ._
+
+For here, instead of those Places which were the Habitations of Doves,
+being visited by Fish, just the contrary has happened. By the Ingenuity of
+these People, barren Sands, over which Ships used to ride at Anchor, are
+changed into pleasant Meadows and rich Inclosures.
+
+Having now shewn how much of a Fenman we are, it will be proper to return
+to the Subject.
+
+There can be no Doubt, but that every Attempt which is made to promote the
+Improvement of Agriculture, is highly commendable; and on the other Hand,
+it is the Duty of every one, to endeavour to rectify such of those Attempts
+as he knows, as well from his own Experience, as from the Conversation of
+skilful Engineers, to be erroneous: And we are sorry to say, we are very
+clear that the Scheme of planting Aquatics upon Banks in the Fenns,
+notwithstanding what has been affirmed about it, is so far from being
+likely to strengthen such Banks, that it is a certain Way to destroy them.
+
+In order to make some of our Readers, who live in the high Country,
+sensible of the Truth of what will be here asserted, it will be necessary
+to explain the Nature of Fenn-Draining, which shall be done in as few Words
+as possible.
+
+Water is a Fluid, as has been before observed; and it is the Nature of a
+Fluid to be always endeavouring to restore an Equilibrium in it's Parts,
+which we may observe by it's restless Motion after the Surface of it is
+made uneven. It is in order to restore this Equilibrium, that Water rushes
+down with such Rapidity, from the high Country into the Fenns; where, when
+it has got, the Surface of the whole Country being even, and in general no
+higher than the Bottom of the adjacent Seas, it remains quiet;
+Fenn-Draining, therefore, must be a Work of Art.--Now let us examine into
+the Principles of this Art.
+
+The first Thing to be done is, to scour out the Bottoms of the Rivers,
+which run through them, from Sand and Filth, and by that Means to make a
+good Outfall; then to make Banks of Earth on the Sides of those Rivers, to
+prevent, as much as possible, the Water which comes down in a Flood from
+overflowing the Country, as well as to retain such Water as shall be thrown
+into the Rivers by Engines. It will be needless here to describe the
+Machinery of a Water Engine; it will be sufficient to say, that Drains are
+cut which lead from these Engines to the Rivers, which Drains are banked
+likewise, and that these Engines, by the Help of the Wind, have a Power of
+Drawing the Water from the Lands which are drowned, into these Drains, till
+they are quite full, and till the Water has got to a Level which is higher
+than the Bottom of the adjacent Sea; and by the Principles of Hydrostatics
+is forced to run into the Sea to restore the Equilibrium: It is by the
+Strength of the Banks, the Force of the Engines, and the Goodness of the
+Outfall, that a Fenn must be drained. Now, I affirm that planting Aquatics
+upon Banks in the Fenn will not strengthen them, but destroy them.
+
+All Vermin in a Fenn are fond of a Bank; it is high Ground, and therefore
+dry and comfortable for them in the Winter, for which Reason they are
+always full of Moles, and particular Kinds of Rats and Mice, with long
+Noses, call'd Field Mice and Rats, and abundance more Animals, which breed
+incessantly; and make Holes and Burrows through the Banks in all
+Directions. One Kind of these Rats builds his House so commodious, that it
+is worth while to relate the Ingenuity of this little Free Mason: He begins
+by making a Hole in the Top of the Bank, and after a Labyrinth of many
+Windings and Turnings, he finishes all, by making another towards the
+Bottom of the Bank close to the Water's Edge; by that Means he extends his
+Territories from the Top of the Bank to the Bottom, and has a Supply of
+fresh Water, without being seen by the Enemy, who is continually upon the
+Watch for him. Owls, Buzzards, Kites, Ravens, Carrion Crows, and other
+Birds of Prey in the Fenn, always frequent the Banks in the Evening, and if
+the Grass is kept low by Cattle, they will destroy most of the Vermin upon
+them.
+
+But then we must not plant Trees upon them, as they will be the finest
+Cover imaginable for those Rats; Trees will not only hide them from the
+Sight of the Birds of Prey, but will likewise hinder those Birds from
+darting down upon them when they have got a Sight of them.
+
+I remember, near eighteen Years ago, several Sorts of Aquatics were planted
+upon the Banks in the Fenns near Thorney-Abbey; the Consequence was, the
+Roots of the Trees served for Timber for the Houses of these Vermin, and
+the Branches were a Shelter from the Birds of Prey, by which Means they
+were full of Holes, thro' which the Water used to run back again to the
+Lands as fast as the Engines threw it out; for which Reason the Trees were
+ordered to be grubbed up, by the principal Engineer.
+
+There is nothing which strengthens a Bank like a good Covering of Grass,
+close eat by Cattle; for if once Water penetrates through the outside Coat
+of a Bank, it is not in the Power of Aquatics to hinder it from tearing the
+Earth away with it. If Aquatics are planted any where, they ought to be at
+some Distance _before_ the Bank, in order to keep the Lash of Water from
+wearing it away.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXX.
+
+    _That those who lived Two Thousand Years ago, were larger than the
+    present Race of Mankind._
+
+We are obliged to the Poets for this Patagonian System. Their Fictions of
+Titan and Briareus, and the whole Fraternity of Giants, is a Fable which
+conveys a Moral: The Giants, upon attempting to scale the Walls of Heaven
+by heaping Mountains one upon another, are repelled by Jupiter's Thunder,
+made Prisoners, and bound under those Mountains upon which they made the
+Attempt. The Moral of the Fable is only this, that it is impossible for any
+Force to oppose the Omnipotent. Not to dispute whether the Ancients were of
+Opinion, that at the Creation of the World all the Animals were of a
+gigantic Size, or what might be their Sentiments about that Matter; it is
+certain that there has been an Opinion among Men, in all Ages, that the
+Time in which they themselves lived, produced Men of less Stature than
+those who lived some Time before them. This is a Persuasion which the Poets
+all encouraged, as it suited their Purpose; nothing being so great an
+Enchantment, to the Mind of a poetical Reader, as to be struck with the
+Marvellous.
+
+When Virgil makes Turnus throw a large Stone at Æneas, he tells us, that it
+was such a Stone as twelve Men of his degenerate Age could scarce have
+carried upon their Shoulders.
+
+  _Nec plura effatus, saxum circumspicit ingens:_
+  _Saxum antiquum ingens, campo quod forte jacebat,_
+  _Limes agro positus litem ut discerneret arvis._
+  _Vix illud lecti bis sex cervice subirent,_
+  _Qualia nunc hominum producit corpora tellus._
+
+A Person who reads this Passage, and really believes that Men were larger
+in Æneas' Time than in Virgil's, reasons thus with himself: "The Works of
+Nature degenerate: Those who lived in Æneas's Time, were larger than those
+who lived in Virgil's; and those who lived in the Time of Virgil, were
+larger than those who live now."
+
+With regard to those who lived in Æneas's Time, we cannot indeed have any
+positive Proof to the contrary; but it is not impossible to prove, that the
+generality of those Romans who lived in Virgil's Time, were not so tall as
+the present Inhabitants of Great Britain are at this Day.
+
+The English in general are a tall People; we are obliged to a Mixture of
+Saxons and Danes for our Stature. A curious Observer may discover a great
+deal of the Dane in many of the English, not only from their Names, but
+likewise from their Features and Complexions. Those People who have
+straight Hair between a white and a red, and have fine Skins, but withall a
+fierce Countenance, seem to be of Danish Extraction. It is not difficult,
+neither, to trace the Saxon in many of our Nation; such as are tall and
+lusty, and of a peaceable and quiet Demeanor till they are provoked, and
+with nothing very brisk in their Countenances, seem to have had Saxon
+Ancestors. Not to dwell long upon this, as it is certain that England has
+been over-run by the Danes and Saxons (whom it would be prudent not to
+speak ill of, lest we should abuse some of our own Relations) we will
+return to our Subject.
+
+There is no Cause to apprehend that the Works of Nature degenerate in the
+least, as it is a Supposition which is repugnant to all the Observations
+which may be made upon the Generation of Animals. Any one who has bred
+Horses, Dogs, or Poultry, must have observed, that instead of degenerating,
+they always improve upon his Hands, unless he opposes Nature, which seems
+to struggle hard against a Stagnation, by confining the Breed too long in
+the same Family.
+
+We have two Reasons, then, to suppose that the present Inhabitants of Great
+Britain are larger in Stature than the old Romans were, viz. because they
+are the Posterity of a taller People, and because the Breed is so much
+crossed.
+
+But we beg Leave to offer a Reason why it may be apprehended that the
+Ancients were not larger in Stature than the Moderns, which seems to carry
+along with it something which has very much the Air of a Proof.
+
+Whoever observes the Size of the Remains of those People who lived in the
+Time of the old Romans, or before that Time, will find, that they are no
+larger in their Dimensions than the Remains of those who died fifty Years
+ago. I have seen Abundance of Stone Coffins, which, as they are found in a
+Place which has all the manifest Signs of having been a Roman Camp, both in
+respect of it's advantageous Situation, the Name of the present Town, which
+is Caster, the Roman Coin which is constantly found there, the Urns in
+which the Coin is found, the Inscriptions cut in Cedar in the Coffins, the
+Stones of a Bridge, which may be felt with a Sprit, at the Bottom of the
+River, at the Back of an Enclosure, which is called the Castle Ground to
+this Day; all these are Indications of a Roman Camp, and may be seen near
+the great North Road between Stilton and Stamford; where the Curious, by a
+proper Application, may have a Pocket full of Roman Coin for a Shilling.
+Indeed, whether these Stone Coffins, which are found in this Camp,
+contained the Bodies of Romans, no one can positively determine, especially
+as the Romans generally burnt their Dead, if they had a convenient
+Opportunity: However, as they are found in a Roman Camp, upon the same Spot
+where the Coin is found, it is enough to make one think that they are Roman
+Coffins, and that the Romans did sometimes bury their Dead; nevertheless,
+we leave that to the Determination of the Curious.--Of whatever Nation
+their Contents were, the Marks of great Antiquity are strong upon them; and
+we can assure the Reader, that none of them were ever troubled with Remains
+of a Patagonian.
+
+But these are not the only Reliques by which we may form our Judgments;
+numberless Libraries and Repositories in this Kingdom afford us Instances
+of the Size of the Ancients: We have several Egyptian Mummies which seem to
+be of very ancient Standing, and must have contained the Bodies of Men of
+less Stature than the present English.
+
+Upon the whole, then, we have just Cause to conclude, that in all Ages of
+the World, the Egyptians and Romans were in general of the same Size with
+the present Inhabitants of those Countries.
+
+It must nevertheless be allowed, that Luxury and Debauchery, which are the
+Concomitants of Wealth, do very much tend to decrease the Stature of the
+Inhabitants of those Cities which have long continued in that State. To
+which we may apply this Philosophical Maxim, _When any Thing is so small as
+to be of no Consequence to the Point in Hand, it is considered as Nothing_.
+Those Cities which have acquired so much Wealth as to be able to commit
+such Excesses, are inconsiderable when compared to the Inhabitants of the
+whole Earth, therefore they are to be considered as nothing.
+
+Besides, so great is the Caprice of Fortune, that even the most powerful
+State in the Universe, cannot presume to declare how soon a Period may be
+put to its Grandeur. But having said something upon this Subject before, we
+shall proceed to another Error.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXI.
+
+    _That Bleeding in May will preserve the Constitution against Illness
+    during the ensuing Summer._
+
+This Hereditary Whim has long been practised in many genteel Families in
+England.
+
+Without consulting any of the Faculty, whose Blood is too thick, or whose
+too thin, who have got too much Blood in their Veins, or who too little,
+they send for some Six-penny Bleeder, who performs this Operation upon the
+whole Family every Year, on May-day in the Morning.
+
+Not to examine into the Causes of Mortality in May, leaving that Task to
+those who are able to assign them, it will be sufficient to remark, that
+the weekly Bills generally contain more Deaths in May than in any Month
+throughout the whole Year.
+
+We are sure to have a Fortnight of unwholesome agueish Weather in May; and
+one would think, that the common Proverbs which are made use of in the
+Country to that purpose, would be sufficient to deter a Person from losing
+any Blood at that Season of the Year.
+
+It is not impossible, but the Preposessions which we have in Favour of the
+Charms of this Month, may proceed from a Perusal of the Latin Poets, or
+their Translators; whose Works are full of the various Beauties of the
+Spring. And very possibly, in Italy, where these Poets lived, that Part of
+the Spring may be pleasant and wholesome.
+
+In England, we are all of us very sensible of the cold and wet Weather,
+which generally happens in this Month. And for my own Part, I must confess,
+that I think May not only the most dangerous, but likewise, upon the whole,
+the most disagreeable Part of the Year; and am quite certain, that if I was
+to be let Blood on May-day, I should have the Ague.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXII.
+
+    _That Negroes are not a Part of the Human Species._
+
+This is a Creolian Error, imbibed partly by the Prejudice of Education, and
+partly by the compleat Slavery which these poor Wretches are so unfortunate
+as to undergo. The passive Appearance of these unhappy People at their
+Work, which sometimes resembles that of a Horse in a Mill, gives Master
+Tommy Sugar-Cane an Idea, which is the Cause of an Opinion, that a Negroe
+is Part of the Brute Creation, and therefore ought to be thrashed.
+
+But indeed, Master Tommy, if I had the Care of thy Education, I would teach
+thee a more reasonable Way of Thinking.
+
+Young Gentleman, you ought to consider that the Works of Nature are neither
+better nor worse either for your Approbation or Disapprobation of them.
+That Black is as good a Colour as White in itself; and that the Effect
+which particular Rays of Light have upon your Eye, is by no Means to
+determine the Beauty or Proportion of any Part of the Creation: And though
+your faithful Negroe does appear rude and uncultivated, that is owing to
+his Want of Education. Let him have Instructions in Music, you will find
+that his Genius is greater than your own; teach him to fence, his Activity
+and Stratagem will surprize you. In short, instruct him in any Science, and
+he will discover a Capacity.
+
+Therefore, if you have read Mr. Locke, (and if you have not, I would advise
+you to fit out one of your Ships and make a Voyage in Quest of him) Mr.
+Locke will tell you, that _it is the Understanding that sets Man above the
+rest of sensible Beings, and gives him all the Advantage and Dominion which
+he has over them_. And in another Place the same Author will tell you, that
+it is a wrong Connection of Ideas which is the great Cause of Errors: These
+are his Words, _This wrong Connection in our Minds of Ideas, in themselves
+loose and independent one of another, has such an Influence, and is of so
+great Force to set us awry in our Actions, as well moral as natural
+Passions, Reasonings, and Notions themselves; that perhaps there is not any
+one Thing that deserves more to be looked after_. This is the very Case
+with Master Tommy Sugar-Cane; a wrong Connection of Ideas have lead him
+into this Error, concerning his poor Negroe; he has connected the Ideas of
+Horse, Slave, and Negroe, so strongly together in his Mind, that it is not
+in his Power to separate them again. And I am credibly informed by those
+who understand it, that there is as much Pleasure in whipping a Negroe, as
+in driving a Phæton and Pair.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXIII.
+
+    _That Negroes are the Descendants of Cain, and that the Colour of their
+    Skins is that Mark which was set upon Cain after killing Abel._
+
+This is a very pretty ingenious Thought of some one, who was doubtless in
+love with his own Complexion. I have heard it affirmed by some with such
+Warmth, that it seemed in vain to reason with them about it.
+
+Before we can have any Grounds for such an Affirmation, it will be
+necessary to prove that it is a Disgrace to have a dark Complexion; for, if
+it is no Disgrace to have a dark Complexion, then there can be no Badge or
+Mark of Infamy in being black; if it is a Disgrace to have a dark
+Complexion, then the Way of Reasoning must be this: The Irish and Scotch
+having fine Skins, are better than the English; the English and French,
+than the Italians and Spaniards; the Italians and Spaniards, than the
+Algerines; and so on, till we come to the Line. To me, this seems so
+absurd, that I must beg Leave to quit the Subject, till some one has
+convinced me, that a white Horse is better than a black one.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXIV.
+
+    _That Love is nothing but Concupiscence to a high Degree, or that Love
+    and Lust are the same Thing._
+
+Love is a Passion, which, though we read of it in the Classics, is but
+seldom experienced in these Northern Climates.
+
+I never met with a North-countryman who would allow that there is any
+Difference between Love and Lust, and even in the Southern Parts of the
+Kingdom it is but slightly felt; what little we have of it in England,
+serves only to make Diversion for the Girls, one among another, and does
+not often produce any Thing of bad Consequence. But in Southern Climes the
+Effects of it are violent, as well as much more frequent. The desperate
+Actions which our Tragedies are full of, will appear more natural, if we
+consider what Country we are in during the Time of the Play.
+
+In England, we should esteem a Person, who killed himself for the Love of
+one of inferior Birth and Fortune, but a very silly Fellow; whereas in
+Spain or in Italy, to fall upon a Sword for a beautiful Woman, is looked
+upon as a certain Indication of a great Soul, and as a Proof that the Heart
+of the Enamoured was possessed of a Sentiment unknown to the Minds of the
+Vulgar. Not to dwell upon the many Instances, which have happened both
+among the Ancients and Moderns, of People who have died for Love, I shall
+just make a little Enquiry into the Nature of that Disorder, for so it may
+be called, since it sometimes proves fatal.
+
+That Affection which is called Love, seems to be a Fever, not only in the
+Mind, but an actual Fever, attended with the Symptoms of that Disorder; and
+differs from all others in this Particular, it is what no Physic can cure.
+The Symptoms of it are much like those of that Distemper, which the
+East-Indians sometimes die of, when they pine for their native Country.
+
+If this is the Case, Love is so far from being another Term for Lust, that
+it rather opposes that Desire, which is generally the Concomitant of
+Health.
+
+The Heart is capable of a Wound from this little mischievous Urchin, before
+Maturity arrives; for the Truth of which I appeal to every one who has
+Sensibility enough, to be capable of receiving the Impression of Love,
+whether he never found himself electrified by a fine Lady, when he was
+about the Age of thirteen.
+
+To conclude: If I hear a Person very positive that Love and Lust are the
+same Thing, I take it for granted, that his Nerves are so coarse and
+callous, that nothing less than the Stroke of a Blacksmith's Hammer can
+possibly have any Effect upon him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXV.
+
+    _That the Hedge-Hog is a mischievous Animal; and particularly, that he
+    sucks Cows, when they are asleep in the Night, and causes their Teats
+    to be sore._
+
+The Antipathy which People have taken against this Animal, is chiefly owing
+to his Form. He is ugly and clumsy, and, not being able to run away, like
+most other Animals, is forced to have Recourse to his natural Armour,
+which, though it is merely defensive, is apt to disgust those, who cannot
+satisfy their Curiosity about him; as there is nothing to be seen but a
+round Ball of sharp-pointed Bristles, till he is put into Water, and then
+he is forced to open himself and swim.
+
+By the bye, some Naturalists have affirmed, that he is like the Porcupine;
+but that, we can assure the Reader, is a Mistake. A Porcupine is as large
+as ten Hedge-Hogs; besides, there is not the least Resemblance in the Form
+of the Animals, or in their Manner of Defence. The Hedge-Hog, upon being
+discovered, lies quite still, and depends upon the Impenetrability of his
+Armour for Safety; whereas the Porcupine is tolerably swift, and is not
+able to conceal himself under his Quills, as they do not cover above half
+his Back. When he is pursued he makes a full Stop, and has the Power of
+drawing up the whole Body of his Quills, so as to dart them all together
+into any one who attacks him; and in all Probability he will leave one or
+two in your Legs, if you go too near him, and make him angry, which is very
+soon done. I once saw a Stick put to a Porcupine, and he broke two or three
+of his Quills against the Stick, though they are very hard and tough. Some
+say, that the Quills of a Porcupine are of a poisonous Nature. But, begging
+Pardon for this Digression about the Porcupine, we will return to the Error
+which was mentioned, concerning the Hedge-Hog.
+
+It may be observed in the Works of Nature, that all Animals, of whatsoever
+Kind they are, whether they come under the Denomination of Birds,
+Quadrupeds, Reptiles, or Fishes, are provided with such Organs and Weapons
+as are convenient for the procuring of their Sustenance, as well as such as
+are formed for their Self-Defence.
+
+The Lion _roaring after his Prey_, has Weapons proper for the vanquishing
+and devouring that Prey.
+
+The Bull, whose principal Food is Grass, is provided with Armour round his
+Tongue and Nostrils, which is Proof against the Thistles and venomous
+Insects that make a Part of his coarse Diet.
+
+The Monkey is possessed of Hands for selecting the eatable Parts of his
+Nuts and Fruit from the poisonous Rind.
+
+The Hawk is furnished with long Wings for pursuing, keen Eyes for
+discerning, and sharp Talons for taking the granivorous Birds, which are
+his Prey; whilst they are provided with Beaks of a proper Shape for picking
+up the Corn, as well as Gizzards, or strong Muscles, which, by the Help of
+Gravel Stones, that are contained in them, grind the separate Grains of
+Corn, as they are discharged from the Crop, out of which they proceed
+gradually.
+
+The numberless Instances of this Kind which might be brought, are too
+tedious to mention here; it will be sufficient to remark, that there is no
+such Monster to be found in the Creation, as an Animal with Weapons and
+Implements improper for the Acquisition of that Food which is to be the
+Support of its Life, or unfurnished with such a Means of Defence, as is
+most suitable to its Self-preservation.
+
+The Hedge-Hog is a peculiar Instance of this: As he is rather slow of Foot,
+if he should happen to be surprized in his Travels, he can gather himself
+up into a Coat of Mail, which answers two Ends; as it is a _Deceptio
+Visus_, looking like a Clot covered with dried Grass; and as it consists of
+sharp Spikes upon a thick Skin, which serve both for a Sword and Target,
+either to secure him against the Tread of a Horse, or the Assaults of Dogs
+and Hawks. Then as his Habitation is in Hedges, he has a Mouth formed for
+the Reception of Hips, Haws, and Sloes, which are his Food; and which,
+doubtless, he hoards up in some little Repository, known only to himself.
+His Nose is formed to search for Roots near the Surface of the Earth, which
+must not be very large, otherwise he would be unable to manage them, as his
+Mouth is remarkably small, and does not seem capable of containing any
+Thing larger than a small Pea; for which Reason we may suppose it not only
+improbable and unnatural, that the Hedge-Hog should attempt to suck the
+Teats of a Cow, when she is asleep, as it does not seem formed by Nature
+for such an Operation; but we will endeavour to prove from Hydrostatics,
+that it would be impossible for him to acquire any Milk at all by such a
+Trial.
+
+It is certainly true, that the Reason why a Vessel contains Water, or any
+other Fluid, within it's Sides, and hinders it from dispersing, is, because
+the Pressure of the Air at the Top of the Vessel keeps it down; and it is
+as true, that when the Vessel is turned up side down, the Liquor in it will
+still be kept in, by the same Pressure of the Air, notwithstanding the
+Force of Gravity, provided the Surface of the Water is not disturbed in
+turning the Vessel; which may be easily proved by the Experiment of a
+Drinking-Glass and a Piece of Paper. It is upon this Principle, that the
+Milk in the Dug of an Animal, is kept in it's proper Place, and does not
+fall to the Ground; though it must be acknowledged, that there may be some
+other Causes assigned likewise.
+
+Now if a Vessel of Water is put into an Air Pump, as soon as the Air is
+extracted from the Receiver, in which the Vessel stands, the Water
+immediately ascends up out of the Vessel, and overflows the Brim, the Air,
+which was the Cause of it's being kept down, being removed.
+
+This is the Case with an Animal which gives Suck. The Teat is close
+embraced round by the Mouth of the young one, so that no Air can pass
+between: A Vacuum is made, or the Air is exhausted from it's Throat, by a
+Power in the Lungs; nevertheless, the Pressure of the Air remains still
+upon the Outside of the Dug of the Mother, and by these two Causes
+together, the Milk is forced into the Mouth of the young one.
+
+But a Hedge-Hog has no such Mouth, as to be able to contain the Teat of a
+Cow; therefore any Vacuum, which is caused in it's own Throat, cannot be
+communicated to the Milk in the Dug. And if he is able to procure no other
+Food, but what he can get by sucking Cows in the Night, there is likely to
+be a Vacuum in his Stomach too.
+
+It may be objected here, that former Legislators have thought proper to
+allow a Reward to be given for killing this Animal, on Account of the
+Mischief he has been supposed to do. To which I answer, that former
+Legislators have thought proper to burn old Women, for being Witches, if
+they would not sink when they were put into a Pond; and I will venture to
+affirm, that there is just as much Sense in burning a Witch, as in setting
+a Reward upon a Hedge-Hog.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+                  XXXVI.
+
+    _That a Person is the better or the worse for being of any particular
+    Calling or Profession._
+
+This Error shall be dressed in a Clerical Habit. But I fear those venerable
+Robes will share the same Fate here, which attends them in other Places;
+they will give a double Force to the Mistakes and Failings of the Wearer.
+
+Luke XVIII. Verses the xth, xith, xiith, and xiiith. _Two men went up into
+the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The
+Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself; God, I thank thee, that I am
+not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this
+publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
+And the_ _publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his
+eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me
+a sinner._
+
+The Oriental Teachers thought proper to convey their Doctrines of Morality
+in Parable. Doubtless, the Method is plain and easy to be understood;
+elegantly shewing us the Truth, whilst we cannot help confessing that we
+discern it, and this without giving much Disgust by laying open the Foibles
+of any Party; it is capable of comprehending all the Figures of Poetry and
+Rhetoric, and these Figures are the least liable to be detected, whilst
+they are clothed in the Disguise of Parable, which must be allowed to be a
+great Advantage; _Artis est celare artem_ holds good in this Case, as well
+as in others. And if one Person has an Inclination to bring another to his
+Way of Thinking, he must endeavour to be as plain and simple in his Manner
+as possible, for this Method alone carries with it the Appearance of Truth;
+whether we argue on the right Side of the Question, or on the wrong, this
+Method of Proceeding will hold good in some Measure; but especially, if we
+want to instil true Principles of sound Morality, it has a double Force.
+Our Blessed Saviour, doubtless, for this Reason thought proper to deliver
+his Doctrines of Morality in this convincing, self-evident Dialect; he saw
+plainly that the Cabalistical Stile of the Pharisees, was by no Means a
+Language proper to convey new and wholesome Precepts into the Minds of the
+Vulgar. No: He chose rather to make Use of this compact and intelligible
+Method of inculcating his Precepts, namely Parable. We have no greater
+Instance of his Skill, than this of the Pharisee and Publican.
+
+In the Handling of this Subject, we shall consider the Human Species in
+different Lights; as a reasoning philosophizing Animal, who thinks he has a
+right to enquire into the Phoenomena of Nature, and to make Use of that
+Right, and of those Senses, which God has given him; and as a Person, who
+is forced to submit to the the superior Judgment of other Men, and takes
+Things for granted as he is told them. The first of these is what we
+generally understand when we say Men of Science, Men of Learning, Men of
+regular Education, and the like. These may be ranged into Variety of
+different Orders and Ranks, in regard to their different Professions,
+Studies, Turns of Genius, Amusements, Abilities, Applications, &c.
+
+We may with Propriety reduce all these different Sentiments concerning
+Mankind, into two Branches; namely, Men of Business, and Men of Recreation
+or Pleasure.
+
+Of those who come under the Denomination of Men of Business, each one is
+apt to think himself of that Order which is most respectable. For Instance,
+one who professes the Law, may know that Mankind is apt to tax him with
+Injustice and Dishonesty, but that, he comforts himself, is of no great
+Signification; for what amongst the Vulgar is stiled Dishonest, among
+People of Fashion, would be palliated by the agreeable Name of exquisite
+Address. And so he makes himself very easy about what vulgar Imputations
+may be laid to his Charge by the Mob, so long as he has the Gentry on his
+Side. And they too may tax him with Dishonesty if they please, but he makes
+no Doubt but he shall soon have some of them applying to him for Justice,
+as all Causes must go through the Hands of those of his Profession; and he
+does not see but Things are determined fairly enough in the End. In short,
+he concludes with thinking, that his Profession is as useful as any other,
+(and in that perhaps he may be right) and that it is profitable, and of
+great Importance, and therefore, that the Sons of the Robe may justly be
+said to be more honourable.
+
+The Physician is of another Way of Thinking. He knows full well, that
+Health is of more Consequence than Riches, for (says he) what Pleasure can
+a Man have from a great Estate, if he has not Health to enjoy it? The
+Lawyer may out talk him perhaps, but he thinks he has saved more Lives, at
+a much cheaper Rate than the other has recovered Estates in Chancery. They
+may make light of his Art, but he is certain likewise, that they will all
+stand in Need of his Skill sometime or other; and therefore thinks, on
+Account of the Importance of his Profession, that the Sons of Galen are
+most honourable.
+
+The Philosopher differs from them both. He thinks, that all that is wrote
+upon Parchment must treat of something very trifling, with Respect to what
+he is concerned in. It may be, says he, that this Parchment may contain
+some Conveyance of some small Tract of Land, belonging to some one private
+Person; but what is that? he has just been taking Measure of the whole
+Earth. He thinks that Physic may have Merit in it's Way; for a Man skilled
+in Physic may preserve the Life of an Animal who inhabits the Globe; but
+what is this to what he has been contriving of? He has been taking Care of
+the Health of the Universe; he has discovered a Comet, and has been
+calculating how near it will approach to the Earth's Orbit; he has been
+settling the Degrees of Heat it contains, at such and such Distances, and
+what Danger we should all be in, of being totally demolished, if it was to
+approach but a small Distance nearer; he has been finding out the Situation
+of the Polar Stars, that Navigators may sail in an unknown Sea without
+Danger; he has been fixing the exact Limit of the Trade Winds, where they
+may be certain of being blown Home again safe. He thinks these are Matters
+of a high Nature, much beyond any Thing else, and therefore, that his
+Profession is of the highest Importance. Three Professions have been
+mentioned, every one of which is apt to think his own Order of the greatest
+Consequence. We should find it exactly the same, if we were to take a
+Survey of the inferior Trades, and mechanical Men.
+
+Those likewise, who think proper to devote their Time to Amusements, if we
+examine into their Behaviour, we shall find them, in general, no less
+partial to their own Taste than the Men of Business; which we shall easily
+discern, if we make Observations at any Public Place, where many of this
+Kind resort to. Gentlemen who are fond of Play, most heartily despise all
+the Noises that can be made upon Instruments, all the Daubings which can be
+smeared upon Canvass, and all the Nonsense that can he crammed into Books.
+The only Music that can give them any Pleasure, is the rattling and
+spirited Sound of the all-hazardous Dice-Box; the only Paintings which can
+strike them, must be drawn at full Length, upon the mercenary Card-Table;
+the only Books which, in their Opinion, contain any Sense in them, are
+those which treat upon the noble Science of Gaming.
+
+The Sportsman wonders what any Body can see in London, or in those
+make-shift Entertainments which are contrived to pass Time away in Town; he
+cannot bear to sit fretting over a Card Table. The only Music that delights
+him, is the chearing Sensation which he perceives, when he is awaked from
+Sleep, by the confused Harmony which pierces his Ear, from the shrill
+Throats of his never-erring Hounds, impatient for the glorious Fatigue (as
+he calls it) of the ensuing Day; which he follows at the Hazard of his
+Life, over Dangers of Mountains, and Woods, and Rivers, and craggy Cliffs,
+and returns Home well pleased and happy with the Thoughts of his Exploits:
+Whilst the London Citizen prefers his Armed-chair, and a good Fire, and the
+Daily Advertiser; and sneers at all the others for senseless Wretches,
+because they don't understand the Rules of Principal and Interest.--All
+these Examples may serve to shew, how wrapt-up Men are in their particular
+Engagements of Business and Pleasure, and how in love they are with their
+own Opinions: So in love with them, that they cannot look upon the
+Sentiments of others with common Charity.
+
+We all think ourselves of the highest Importance, and that there would no
+existing without us; how this comes to pass shall be next enquired into, by
+returning to the Matter of different Professions. We behave with regard to
+our public Professions, in this Respect, just as we do in our private
+Characters: As we can easily discern the Vices of other Men, and forget our
+own, so it happens in the present Case; we can easily discern the Advantage
+which the Public reaps from our own Profession, but it is with great
+Difficulty that we are brought to examinine what Use we ourselves derive
+from that of another. This was the very Case with the Pharisee in the Text;
+he stood, and prayed and said, _God, I thank thee, that I am not as other
+men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican_. He
+payed Tithes of all that he possessed. And what great Merit was there in
+that? If he had not thought proper to pay Tithes of his own Accord, no
+Doubt, there was as much Law to compel him in those Times as in these; but
+the Misfortune is, this Pharisee was under the same Mistake which Pharisees
+in all Ages labour under, he could see plain enough into what he thought
+his own private Qualifications, but could not discern the Use which the
+Public reaped from his Companion. The Publican on the other Hand did not so
+much as lift up his Eyes to Heaven, but smote his Breast, and said, _God be
+merciful to me a sinner_. He acknowledged that he was of a Profession
+which, however necessary it might be in itself, nevertheless brought upon
+him the Odium of his Countrymen, and which made him liable to many
+Irregularities in his Behaviour, made him forced to be guilty of many
+Extortions from the poorer Sort of People; he confessed that his Profession
+did necessarily bring all these Sins upon him, for which he then implored
+Forgiveness. _I tell you_, says our Saviour, _this man went down to his
+house justified rather than the other_. But what Reason can be given, why
+the Pharisee should not be justified? It might be said, that the Pharisee
+was conscious to himself of living according to the Laws of his Country,
+and of doing his Duty, and that he thought it incumbent upon him to return
+Thanks to the Maker of all Things, for giving him such good Inclinations,
+and for putting it into his Power to make a good Use of them.
+
+This would be very charitable Reasoning, if one could be brought to
+believe, that the Pharisee was really such a Sort of a Man as he pretended
+to be; but it is sufficiently evident, by the Stile and Manner of the
+Parable, that this Pharisee was intended to be like other Pharisees in all
+Times: he would be thought to be much better than he really was, and had
+worked himself up to such a high Pitch of Pride and Self-Conceit, as to
+boast of his supposed Qualifications even to his Maker.
+
+Doubtless this excellent Parable strikes at the very Root of all Hypocrisy,
+and vain-glorious outside Shew. For here was the Publican, very probably a
+much better Man than the Pharisee, who had neither imbibed such high
+Notions of his own Worth, nor pretended to any such fine Qualifications; he
+very willingly acknowledged his Faults, and with the greatest Modesty and
+Diffidence of himself, that high Recommendation both in the Eyes of God and
+Man, did not even think himself worthy to look up to Heaven, but smote upon
+his Breast and said, _God be merciful to me a sinner_.
+
+What has been said may serve to shew the excellent Morality, which these
+Parables of our Saviour's contained; they contained such Sort of Lessons as
+must be useful, so long as the World exists; for there will always be such
+Pharisees as are here mentioned by our Saviour, and to whom, in another
+Place, he repeats the Words, _Wo unto you scribes and Pharisees,
+hypocrites_, so often. Isaiah says, Chap. ix. ver. 20, 21. _Wo unto them
+that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light
+for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and_ _sweet for bitter! Wo unto
+them that are wise in their own Eyes and prudent in their own Sight!_
+
+Our Saviour did not mean to aim with the Force of his Doctrine at Publicans
+and Pharisees alone, his Doctrine was of an Universal Nature: And we must
+not suppose that could ever be his Intention; and lest future Ages should
+hereafter make such a Mistake, the Evangelist has given us his Opinion what
+he thought our Saviour intended by this Parable. _He spake this Parable_,
+says St. Luke, _unto those which trusted in themselves that they were
+righteous, and despised others_.
+
+Here it must be observed, that though our Saviour was pleased to say, that
+_the Publican went down to his House justified_ rather _than the Pharisee_,
+yet he by no Means sets either of them as a Pattern for our Example. We
+must not therefore misunderstand this Passage so dangerously as to think,
+that if we be but modest, we may be guilty of what enormous Vices we think
+proper, because that would be giving the Words of our Saviour a wrong
+Interpretation. A middle Character, between these two Extremes, is rather
+to be aimed at. It is to be wished, that we could so navigate ourselves
+through the dangerous Rocks and Quicksands of Land, as to avoid both the
+Sins of the Publican, and the vain-glorious Boasting of the Pharisee: And
+by that Means, we shall be enabled without Fear, to sail through the dark
+Sea of Death, even into the Regions of Eternity, where the Gates of Hell
+shall not prevail against us.
+
+                  _FINIS._
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+              ERRATA.
+
+  Page 54, instead of _Conis_ read _Canis_.
+       72, instead of _Boatman's_ read _Boatswain's_.
+       91, instead of _the_ read _their_.
+       ditto, instead of _amazed_ read _amused_.
+      110, instead of _lighter_ read _higher_.
+      165, instead of _jabebat_ read _jacebat_.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+              NOTES
+
+[1]
+
+  What are these Masks? Hear you me, Jessica,
+  Lock up my Doors, and when you hear the Drum,
+  And the vile Squeaking of the Wry-neck'd Fife, &c.
+
+[2]
+
+  Rusticus expectat dum defluat amnis.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A New Catalogue of Vulgar Errors, by 
+Stephen Fovargue
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41274 ***