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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume I, by
+Tobias Smollett
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, Volume I
+
+Author: Tobias Smollett
+
+Release Date: May, 2003  [Etext #4084]
+Posting Date: February 14, 2010
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PEREGRINE PICKLE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Tapio Riikonen
+
+
+
+
+
+THE ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE
+
+In which are included Memoirs of a Lady of Quality
+
+
+By Tobias Smollett
+
+
+
+VOLUME I.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+
+An Account of Mr. Gamaliel Pickle--The Disposition of his Sister
+described--He yields to her Solicitations, and returns to the Country.
+
+
+In a certain county of England, bounded on one side by the sea, and at
+the distance of one hundred miles from the metropolis, lived Gamaliel
+Pickle, esq.; the father of that hero whose fortunes we propose to
+record. He was the son of a merchant in London, who, like Rome, from
+small beginnings had raised himself to the highest honours of the city,
+and acquired a plentiful fortune, though, to his infinite regret, he
+died before it amounted to a plum, conjuring his son, as he respected
+the last injunction of a parent, to imitate his industry, and adhere to
+his maxims, until he should have made up the deficiency, which was a sum
+considerably less than fifteen thousand pounds.
+
+This pathetic remonstrance had the desired effect upon his
+representative, who spared no pains to fulfil the request of the
+deceased: but exerted all the capacity with which nature had endowed
+him, in a series of efforts, which, however, did not succeed; for by the
+time he had been fifteen years in trade, he found himself five thousand
+pounds worse than he was when he first took possession of his father's
+effects; a circumstance that affected him so nearly, as to detach his
+inclinations from business, and induce him to retire from the world to
+some place where he might at leisure deplore his misfortunes, and, by
+frugality, secure himself from want, and the apprehensions of a jail,
+with which his imagination was incessantly haunted. He was often heard
+to express his fears of coming upon the parish; and to bless God, that,
+on account of his having been so long a housekeeper, he was entitled
+to that provision. In short, his talents were not naturally active, and
+there was a sort of inconsistency in his character; for, with all the
+desire of amassing which any citizen could possibly entertain, he was
+encumbered by a certain indolence and sluggishness that prevailed over
+every interested consideration, and even hindered him from profiting by
+that singleness of apprehension, and moderation of appetites, which have
+so frequently conduced to the acquisition of immense fortunes;
+qualities which he possessed in a very remarkable degree. Nature, in all
+probability, had mixed little or nothing inflammable in his composition;
+or, whatever seeds of excess she might have sown within him, were
+effectually stifled and destroyed by the austerity of his education.
+
+The sallies of his youth, far from being inordinate or criminal, never
+exceeded the bounds of that decent jollity which an extraordinary pot,
+on extraordinary occasions, may be supposed to have produced in a club
+of sedate book-keepers, whose imaginations were neither very warm nor
+luxuriant. Little subject to refined sensations, he was scarce ever
+disturbed with violent emotions of any kind. The passion of love never
+interrupted his tranquility; and if, as Mr. Creech says, after Horace,
+
+    Not to admire is all the art I know;
+    To make men happy, and to keep them so;
+
+Mr. Pickle was undoubtedly possessed of that invaluable secret; at
+least, he was never known to betray the faintest symptom of transport,
+except one evening at the club, where he observed, with some
+demonstrations of vivacity, that he had dined upon a delicate loin of
+veal.
+
+Notwithstanding this appearance of phlegm, he could not help feeling his
+disappointments in trade; and upon the failure of a certain underwriter,
+by which he lost five hundred pounds, declared his design of
+relinquishing business, and retiring to the country. In this resolution
+he was comforted and encouraged by his only sister, Mrs. Grizzle, who
+had managed his family since the death of his father, and was now in
+the thirtieth year of her maidenhood, with a fortune of five thousand
+pounds, and a large stock of economy and devotion.
+
+These qualifications, one would think, might have been the means of
+abridging the term of her celibacy, as she never expressed any aversion
+to wedlock; but, it seems, she was too delicate in her choice, to find
+a mate to her inclination in the city: for I cannot suppose that she
+remained so long unsolicited; though the charms of her person were
+not altogether enchanting, nor her manner over and above agreeable.
+Exclusive of a very wan (not to call it sallow) complexion, which,
+perhaps, was the effects of her virginity and mortification, she had
+a cast in her eyes that was not at all engaging; and such an extent of
+mouth, as no art or affectation could contract into any proportionable
+dimension; then her piety was rather peevish than resigned, and did
+not in the least diminish a certain stateliness in her demeanour and
+conversation, that delighted in communicating the importance and honour
+of her family, which, by the bye, was not to be traced two generations
+back by all the power of heraldry or tradition.
+
+She seemed to have renounced all the ideas she had acquired before her
+father served the office of sheriff; and the eye which regulated the
+dates of all her observation, was the mayoralty of her papa. Nay, so
+solicitous was this good lady for the support and propagation of the
+family name, that, suppressing every selfish motive, she actually
+prevailed upon her brother to combat with his own disposition, and
+even surmount it so far, as to declare a passion for the person whom he
+afterwards wedded, as we shall see in the sequel. Indeed, she was the
+spur that instigated him in all his extraordinary undertakings; and I
+question, whether he would or not have been able to disengage himself
+from that course of life in which he had so long mechanically moved,
+unless he had been roused and actuated by her incessant exhortations.
+London, she observed, was a receptacle of iniquity, where an honest,
+unsuspecting man was every day in danger of falling a sacrifice to
+craft; where innocence was exposed to continual temptations, and virtue
+eternally persecuted by malice and slander; where everything was ruled
+by caprice and corruption, and merit utterly discouraged and despised.
+This last imputation she pronounced with such emphasis and chagrin, as
+plainly denoted how far she considered herself as an example of what she
+advanced; and really the charge was justified by the constructions that
+were put upon her retreat by her female friends, who, far from imputing
+it to the laudable motives that induced her, insinuated, in sarcastic
+commendations, that she had good reason to be dissatisfied with a place
+where she had been so overlooked; and that it was certainly her
+wisest course to make her last effort in the country, where, in all
+probability, her talents would be less eclipsed, and her fortune more
+attractive.
+
+Be this as it will, her admonitions, though they were powerful enough to
+convince, would have been insufficient to overcome the languor and
+vis inertiae of her brother, had she not reinforced her arguments, by
+calling in question the credit of two or three merchants, with whom he
+was embarked in trade.
+
+Alarmed at these hints of intelligence, he exerted himself effectually;
+he withdrew his money from trade, and laying it out in Bank-stock, and
+India-bonds, removed to a house in the country, which his father had
+built near the sea-side, for the convenience of carrying on a certain
+branch of traffic in which he had been deeply concerned.
+
+Here then Mr. Pickle fixed his habitation for life, in the
+six-and-thirtieth year of his age; and though the pangs he felt at
+parting with his intimate companions, and quitting all his former
+connections, were not quite so keen as to produce any dangerous disorder
+in his constitution, he did not fail to be extremely disconcerted at his
+first entrance into a scene of life to which he was totally a stranger.
+Not but that he met with abundance of people in the country, who, in
+consideration of his fortune, courted his acquaintance, and breathed
+nothing but friendship and hospitality; yet, even the trouble of
+receiving and returning these civilities was an intolerable fatigue to
+a man of his habits and disposition. He therefore left the care of
+the ceremonial to his sister, who indulged herself in all the pride of
+formality; while he himself, having made a discovery of a public-house
+in the neighbourhood, went thither every evening and enjoyed his pipe
+and can; being very well satisfied with the behaviour of the landlord,
+whose communicative temper was a great comfort to his own taciturnity;
+for he shunned all superfluity of speech, as much as he avoided any
+other unnecessary expense.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+He is made acquainted with the Characters of Commodore Trunnion and his
+Adherents--Meets with them by Accident, and contracts an Intimacy with
+that Commander.
+
+
+This loquacious publican soon gave him sketches of all the characters
+in the county; and, among others, described that of his next neighbour,
+Commodore Trunnion, which was altogether singular and odd. "The
+commodore and your worship," said he, "will in a short time be hand and
+glove, he has a power of money, and spends it like a prince--that is, in
+his own way--for to be sure he is a little humorsome, as the saying is,
+and swears woundily; though I'll be sworn he means no more harm than a
+sucking babe. Lord help us! it will do your honour's heart good to hear
+him tell a story, as how he lay alongside of the French, yard-arm and
+yard-arm, board and board, and of heaving grapplings, and stink-pots,
+and grapes, and round and double-headed partridges, crows and carters.
+Lord have mercy upon us! he has been a great warrior in his time, and
+lost an eye and a heel in the service. Then he does not live like any
+other Christian land-man; but keeps garrison in his house, as if he
+were in the midst of his enemies, and makes his servants turn out in
+the night, watch and watch as he calls it, all the year round. His
+habitation is defended by a ditch, over which he has laid a draw-bridge,
+and planted his court-yard with patereroes continually loaded with shot,
+under the direction of one Mr. Hatchway, who had one of his legs shot
+away while he acted as lieutenant on board the commodore's ship; and
+now, being on half-pay, lives with him as his companion. The lieutenant
+is a very brave man, a great joker, and, as the saying is, hath got the
+length of his commander's foot--though he has another favourite in the
+house called Tom Pipes, that was his boatswain's mate, and now keeps the
+servants in order. Tom is a man of few words, but an excellent hand at
+a song concerning the boatswain's whistle, hustle-cap, and
+chuck-farthing--there is not such another pipe in the county--so that
+the commodore lives very happy in his own manner; though he be sometimes
+thrown into perilous passions and quandaries, by the application of his
+poor kinsmen, whom he can't abide, because as how some of them were the
+first occasion of his going to sea. Then he sweats with agony at the
+sight of an attorney, just, for all the world, as some people have an
+antipathy to a cat: for it seems he was once at law, for striking one of
+his officers, and cast in a swinging sum. He is, moreover, exceedingly
+afflicted with goblins that disturb his rest, and keep such a racket in
+his house, that you would think (God bless us!) all the devils in hell
+had broke loose upon him. It was no longer ago than last year about
+this time, that he was tormented the livelong night by the mischievous
+spirits that got into his chamber, and played a thousand pranks about
+his hammock, for there is not one bed within his walls. Well, sir,
+he rang his bell, called up all his servants, got lights, and made
+a thorough search; but the devil a goblin was to be found. He had no
+sooner turned in again, and the rest of the family gone to sleep, than
+the foul fiends began their game anew. The commodore got up in the
+dark, drew his cutlass, and attacked them both so manfully, that in
+five minutes everything in the apartment went to pieces, The lieutenant,
+hearing the noise, came to his assistance. Tom Pipes, being told what
+was the matter, lighted his match, and going down to the yard, fired all
+the patereroes as signals of distress. Well, to be sure the whole parish
+was in a pucker: some thought the French had landed; others imagined the
+commodore's house was beset by thieves; for my own part, I called up two
+dragoons that are quartered upon me, and they swore, with deadly oaths,
+it was a gang of smugglers engaged with a party of their regiment that
+lies in the next village; and mounting their horses like lusty fellows,
+rode up into the country as fast as their beasts could carry them. Ah,
+master! These are hard times, when an industrious body cannot earn his
+bread without fear of the gallows. Your worship's father (God rest his
+soul!) was a good gentleman, and as well respected in this parish as
+e'er a he that walks upon neat's leather; and if your honour should want
+a small parcel of fine tea, or a few ankers of right Nantes, I'll be
+bound you shall be furnished to your heart's content. But, as I was
+saying, the hubbub continued till morning, when the parson being sent
+for, conjured the spirits into the Red Sea; and the house has been
+pretty quiet ever since. True it is, Mr. Hatchway makes a mock of the
+whole affair; and told his commander, in this very blessed spot, that
+the two goblins were no other than a couple of jackdaws which had fallen
+down the chimney, and made a flapping with their wings up and down the
+apartment. But the commodore, who is very choleric, and does not like
+to be jeered, fell into a main high passion, and stormed like a perfect
+hurricane, swearing that he knew a devil from a jackdaw as well as
+e'er a man in the three kingdoms. He owned, indeed, that the birds were
+found, but denied that they were the occasion of the uproar. For my own
+part, master, I believe much may be said on both sides of the question;
+though to be sure, the devil is always going about, as the saying is."
+
+This circumstantial account, extraordinary as it was, never altered one
+feature in the countenance of Mr. Pickle, who, having heard it to an
+end, took the pipe from his mouth, saying, with a look of infinite
+sagacity and deliberation, "I do suppose he is of the Cornish Trunnions.
+What sort of a woman is his spouse?" "Spouse!" cried the other;
+"odds-heart! I don't think he would marry the queen of Sheba.
+Lack-a-day! sir, he won't suffer his own maids to be in the garrison,
+but turns them into an out-house every night before the watch is set.
+Bless your honour's soul, he is, as it were, a very oddish kind of a
+gentleman. Your worship would have seen him before now; for, when he
+is well, he and my good master Hatchway come hither every evening, and
+drink a couple of cans of rumbo a piece; but he has been confined to
+his house this fortnight by a plaguy fit of the gout, which, I'll assure
+your worship, is a good penny out of my pocket."
+
+At that instant, Mr. Pickle's ears were saluted with such a strange
+noise, as even discomposed the muscles of his face, which gave immediate
+indications of alarm. This composition of notes at first resembled
+the crying of quails, and croaking of bull-dogs; but as it approached
+nearer, he could distinguish articulate sounds pronounced with great
+violence, in such a cadence as one would expect to hear from a human
+creature scolding through the organs of an ass; it was neither speaking
+nor braying, but a surprising mixture of both, employed in the utterance
+of terms absolutely unintelligible to our wondering merchant, who had
+just opened his mouth to express his curiosity, when the starting up at
+the well-known sound, cried, "Odd's niggers! there is the commodore with
+his company, as sure as I live," and with his apron began to wipe the
+dust off an elbow-chair placed at one side of the fire, and kept sacred
+for the ease and convenience of this infirm commander. While he was thus
+occupied, a voice, still more uncouth than the former, bawled aloud,
+"Ho! the house, a-hoy!" Upon which the publican, clapping a hand to each
+side of his head with his thumbs fixed to his ears, rebellowed in the
+same tone, which he had learned to imitate, "Hilloah." The voice again
+exclaimed, "Have you got any attorneys aboard?" and when the landlord
+replied, "No, no," this man of strange expectation came in, supported by
+his two dependents, and displayed a figure every way answerable to
+the oddity of his character. He was in stature at least six feet high,
+though he had contracted a habit of stooping, by living so long on
+board; his complexion was tawny, and his aspect rendered hideous by a
+large scar across his nose, and a patch that covered the place of
+one eye. Being seated in his chair, with great formality the landlord
+complimented him upon his being able to come abroad again; and having in
+a whisper communicated the name of his fellow-guest, whom the commodore
+already knew by report, went to prepare, with all imaginable despatch,
+the first allowance of his favourite liquor, in three separate cans (for
+each was accommodated with his own portion apart), while the lieutenant
+sat down on the blind side of his commander; and Tom Pipes, knowing his
+distance, with great modesty took his station in the rear.
+
+After a pause of some minutes, the conversation was begun by this
+ferocious chief, who, fixing his eye upon the lieutenant with a
+sternness of countenance not to be described, addressed him in these
+words: "D-- my eyes! Hatchway, I always took you to be a better seaman
+than to overset our chaise in such fair weather. Blood! didn't I tell
+you we were running bump ashore, and bid you set in the ice-brace, and
+haul up a wind?"--"Yes," replied the other, with an arch sneer, "I do
+confess as how you did give such orders, after you had run us foul of
+a post, so as that the carriage lay along, and could not right
+herself."--"I run you foul of a post!" cried the commander: "d-- my
+heart! you're a pretty dog, an't you, to tell me so above-board to my
+face? Did I take charge of the chaise? Did I stand at the helm?"--"No,"
+answered Hatchway; "I must confess you did not steer; but, howsomever,
+you cunned all the way, and so, as you could not see how the land lay,
+being blind of your larboard eye, we were fast ashore before you knew
+anything of the matter, Pipes, who stood abaft, can testify the truth of
+what I say."--"D-- my limbs!" resumed the commodore, "I don't value what
+you or Pipes say a rope-yarn. You're a couple of mutinous--I'll say no
+more; but you shan't run your rig upon me, d-- ye, I am the man that
+learnt you, Jack Hatchway, to splice a rope and raise a perpendicular."
+
+The lieutenant, who was perfectly well acquainted with the trim of his
+captain, did not choose to carry on the altercation any further;
+but taking up his can, drank to the health of the stranger, who very
+courteously returned the compliment, without, however, presuming to join
+in the conversation, which suffered a considerable pause. During this
+interruption, Mr. Hatchway's wit displayed itself in several practical
+jokes upon the commodore, with whom he knew it was dangerous to tamper
+in any other way. Being without the sphere of his vision, he securely
+pilfered his tobacco, drank his rumbo, made wry faces, and, to use the
+vulgar phrase, cocked his eye at him, to the no small entertainment of
+the spectators, Mr. Pickle himself not excepted, who gave evident tokens
+of uncommon satisfaction at the dexterity of this marine p pantomime.
+
+Meanwhile, the captain's choler gradually subsided, and he was pleased
+to desire Hatchway, by the familiar and friendly diminutive of Jack,
+to read a newspaper that lay on the table before him. This task was
+accordingly undertaken by the lame lieutenant, who, among paragraphs,
+read that which follows, with an elevation of voice which seemed to
+prognosticate something extraordinary: "We are informed, that Admiral
+Bower will very soon be created a British peer, for his eminent services
+during the war, particularly in his late engagement with the French
+fleet."
+
+Trunnion was thunderstruck at this piece of intelligence: the ring
+dropped front his hand, and shivered into a thousand pieces; his eye
+glistened like that of a rattle-snake; and some minutes elapsed before
+he could pronounce, "Avast! overhaul that article again!"
+
+It was no sooner read the second time, than, smiting the table with his
+fist, he started up, and, with the most violent emphasis of rage and
+indignation, exclaimed, "D-- my heart and liver! 'tis a land lie, d'ye
+see; and I will maintain it to be a lie, from the sprit-sail yard to the
+mizen-top-sail haulyards! Blood and thunder! Will. Bower a peer of this
+realm! a fellow of yesterday, that scarce knows a mast from a manger!
+a snotty-nose boy, whom I myself have ordered to the gun, for stealing
+eggs out of the hen-coops! and I, Hawser Trunnion, who commanded a
+ship before he could keep a reckoning, am laid aside, d'ye see, and
+forgotten! If so be as this be the case, there is a rotten plank in our
+constitution, which ought to be hove down and repaired, d-- my eyes! For
+my own part, d'ye see, I was none of your Guinea pigs: I did not rise in
+the service by parlamenteering interest, or a handsome b-- of a wife.
+I was not over the bellies of better men, nor strutted athwart the
+quarter-deck in a laced doublet, and thingumbobs at the wrists. D-- my
+limbs! I have been a hard-working man, and served all offices on board
+from cook's shifter to the command of a vessel. Here, you Tunley,
+there's the hand of a seaman, you dog."
+
+So saying, he laid hold on the landlord's fist, and honoured him with
+such a squeeze, as compelled him to roar with great vociferation, to
+the infinite satisfaction of the commodore, whose features were a little
+unblended by this acknowledgment of his vigour; and he thus proceeded,
+in a less outrageous strain: "They make a d--d noise about this
+engagement with the French: but, egad! it was no more than a bumboat
+battle, in comparison with some that I have seen. There was old Rook and
+Jennings, and another whom I'll be d--d before I name, that knew what
+fighting was. As for my own share, d'ye see, I am none of those that
+hallo in their own commendation: but if so be that I were minded to
+stand my own trumpeter, some of those little fellows that hold their
+heads so high would be taken all aback, as the saying is: they would
+be ashamed to show their colours, d-- my eyes! I once lay eight glasses
+alongside of the Flour de Louse, a French man-of-war, though her mettle
+was heavier, and her complement larger by a hundred hands than mine.
+You, Jack Hatchway, d-- ye, what d'ye grin at! D'ye think I tell a
+story, because you never heard it before?"
+
+"Why, look ye, sir," answered the lieutenant, "I am glad to find you can
+stand your own trumpeter on occasion; though I wish you would change the
+tune, for that is the same you have been piping every watch for these
+ten months past. Tunley himself will tell you he has heard it five
+hundred times."--"God forgive you! Mr. Hatchway," said the landlord,
+interrupting him; "as I am an honest man and a housekeeper, I never
+heard a syllable of the matter."
+
+This declaration, though not strictly true, was extremely agreeable
+to Mr. Trunnion, who, with an air of triumph, observed, "Aha! Jack,
+I thought I should bring you up, with your gibes and your jokes: but
+suppose you had heard it before, is that any reason why it shouldn't
+be told to another person? There's the stranger, belike he has heard it
+five hundred times too; han't you, brother?" addressing himself to Mr.
+Pickle; who replying, with a look expressing curiosity, "No, never;" he
+thus went on: "Well, you seem to be an honest, quiet sort of a man;
+and therefore you must know, as I said before, I fell in with a French
+man-of-war, Cape Finistere bearing about six leagues on the weather bow,
+and the chase three leagues to leeward, going before the wind: whereupon
+I set my studding sails; and coming up with her, hoisted my jack and
+ensign, and poured in a broadside, before you could count three rattlins
+in the mizen shrouds; for I always keep a good look-out, and love to
+have the first fire."
+
+"That I'll be sworn," said Hatchway: "for the day we made the Triumph
+you ordered the men to fire when she was hull-to, by the same token we
+below pointed the guns at a flight of gulls; and I won a can of punch
+from the gunner by killing the first bird."
+
+Exasperated at this sarcasm, he replied, with great vehemence, "You lie,
+lubber! D-- your bones! what business have you to come always athwart
+my hawse in this manner? You, Pipes, was upon deck, and can bear witness
+whether or not I fired too soon. Speak, you blood of a ----, and that
+upon the word of a seaman: how did the chase bear of us when I gave
+orders to fire?"
+
+Pipes, who had hitherto sat silent, being thus called upon to give his
+evidence, after divers strange gesticulations, opened his mouth like
+a gasping cod, and with a cadence like that of the east wind singing
+through a cranny, pronounced, "Half a quarter of a league right upon our
+lee-beam."
+
+"Nearer, you porpuss-faced swab," cried the commodore, "nearer by
+twelve fathom: but, howsomever, that's enough to prove the falsehood of
+Hatchway's jaw--and so, brother, d'ye see," turning to Pickle, "I lay
+alongside of the Flour de Louse, yard-arm and yard-arm, plying out great
+guns and small arms, and heaving in stink-pots, powder-bottles, and
+hand-grenades, till our shot was all expended, double-headed, partridge
+and grape: then we loaded with iron crows, marlin-spikes, and old nails;
+but finding the Frenchman took a good deal of drubbing, and that he had
+shot away all our rigging, and killed and wounded a great number of our
+men, d'ye see, I resolved to run him on board upon his quarter, and so
+ordered our grapplings to be got ready; but monsieur, perceiving what we
+were about, filled his topsails and sheered off, leaving us like a log
+upon the water, and our scuppers running with blood."
+
+Mr. Pickle and the landlord paid such extraordinary attention to the
+rehearsal of this exploit, that Trunnion was encouraged to entertain
+them with more stories of the same nature; after which he observed, by
+way of encomium on the government, that all he had gained in the service
+was a lame foot and the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, who could not
+find in his heart to lose any opportunity of being witty at the expense
+of his commander, gave a loose to his satirical talent once more,
+saying,--"I have heard as how you came by your lame foot, by having
+your upper decks over-stowed with liquor, whereby you became crank, and
+rolled, d'ye see, in such a manner, that by a pitch of the ship your
+starboard heel was jammed in one of the scuppers; and as for the matter
+of your eye, that was knocked out by your own crew when the Lightning
+was paid off: there's poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the colours of
+the rainbow for taking your part, and giving you time to sheer off; and
+I don't find as how you have rewarded him according as he deserves."
+
+As the commodore could not deny the truth of these anecdotes, however
+unseasonably they were introduced, he affected to receive them with good
+humour, as jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing; and replied, "Ay,
+ay, Jack, everybody knows your tongue is no slander; but, howsomever,
+I'll work you to an oil for this, you dog." So saying, he lifted up one
+of his crutches, intending to lay it gently across Mr. Hatchway's pate;
+but Jack, with great agility, tilted up his wooden leg, with which he
+warded off the blow, to the no small admiration of Mr. Pickle, and utter
+astonishment of the landlord, who, by the bye, had expressed the same
+amazement, at the same feet, at the same hour, every night, for three
+months before. Trunnion then, directing his eye to the boatswain's mate,
+"You, Pipes," said he, "do you go about and tell people that I did not
+reward you for standing by me, when I was bustled by these rebellious
+rapscallions? D-- you, han't you been rated on the books ever since?"
+
+Tom, who indeed had no words to spare, sat smoking his pipe with
+great indifference, and never dreamed of paying any regard to these
+interrogations; which being repeated and reinforced with many oaths,
+that, however, produced no effect, the commodore pulled out his purse,
+saying, "Here, you b-- baby, here's something better than a smart
+ticket;" and threw it at his silent deliverer, who received and pocketed
+his bounty, without the least demonstration of surprise or satisfaction;
+while the donor, turning to Mr. Pickle, "You see, brother," said he, "I
+make good the old saying; we sailors get money like horses, and spend
+it like asses: come, Pipes, let's have the boatswain's whistle, and be
+jovial."
+
+This musician accordingly applied to his mouth the silver instrument
+that hung at the button-hole of his jacket, by a chain of the same
+metal, and though not quite so ravishing as the pipe of Hermes, produced
+a sound so loud and shrill, that the stranger, as it were instinctively,
+stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hearing from such a
+dangerous invasion. The prelude being thus executed, Pipes fixed his
+eyes upon the egg of an ostrich that depended from the ceiling, and
+without once moving them from that object, performed the whole cantata
+in a tone of voice that seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish bagpipe
+and a sow-gelder's horn: the commodore, the lieutenant, and landlord,
+joined in the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza:--
+
+    Bustle, bustle, brave boys!
+      Let us sing, let us toil,
+      And drink all the while,
+      Since labour's the price of our joys.
+
+
+The third line was no sooner pronounced, than the can was lifted to
+every man's mouth with admirable uniformity; and the next word taken
+up at the end of their draught with a twang equally expressive and
+harmonious. In short, the company began to understand one another;
+Mr. Pickle seemed to relish the entertainment, and a correspondence
+immediately commenced between him and Trunnion, who shook him by the
+hand, drank to further acquaintance, and even invited him to a mess
+of pork and pease in the garrison. The compliment was returned,
+good-fellowship prevailed, and the night was pretty far advanced, when
+the merchant's man arrived with a lantern to light his master home; upon
+which, the new friends parted, after a mutual promise of meeting next
+evening in the same place.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+
+Mrs. Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper Match for her Brother;
+who is accordingly introduced to the young Lady, whom he marries in due
+Season.
+
+
+I have been the more circumstantial in opening the character of
+Trunnion, because he bears a considerable share in the course of these
+memoirs; but now it is high time to resume the consideration of Mrs.
+Grizzle, who, since her arrival in the country, had been engrossed by a
+double care, namely, that of finding a suitable match for her brother,
+and a comfortable yoke-fellow for herself.
+
+Neither was this aim the result of any sinister or frail aggression, but
+the pure dictates of that laudable ambition, which prompted her to the
+preservation of the family name. Nay, so disinterested was she in this
+pursuit, that, postponing her nearest concern, or at least leaving her
+own fate to the silent operation of her charms, she laboured with such
+indefatigable zeal in behalf of her brother, that before they had been
+three months settled in the country, the general topic of conversation
+in the neighbourhood was an intended match between the rich Mr. Pickle
+and the fair Miss Appleby, daughter of a gentleman who lived in the
+next parish, and who though he had but little fortune to bestow upon his
+children, had, to use his own phrase, replenished their veins with some
+of the best blood in the country.
+
+This young lady, whose character and disposition Mrs. Grizzle had
+investigated to her own satisfaction, was destined for the spouse of
+Mr. Pickle; and an overture accordingly made to her father, who, being
+overjoyed at the proposal, gave his consent without hesitation, and even
+recommended the immediate execution of the project with such eagerness,
+as seemed to indicate either a suspicion of Mr. Pickle's constancy, or
+a diffidence of his own daughter's complexion, which perhaps he thought
+too sanguine to keep much longer cool. The previous point being thus
+settled, our merchant, at the instigation of Mrs. Grizzle, went to visit
+his future father-in-law, and was introduced to the daughter, with whom
+he had, that same afternoon, an opportunity of being alone. What passed
+in that interview I never could learn, though from the character of the
+suitor, the reader may justly conclude that she was not much teased
+with the impertinence of his addresses. He was not, I believe, the less
+welcome for that reason: certain it is she made no objection to his
+taciturnity; and when her father communicated his resolution, acquiesced
+with the most pious resignation. But Mrs. Grizzle, in order to give
+the lady a more favourable idea of his intellects than his conversation
+could possibly inspire, resolved to dictate a letter, which her brother
+should transcribe and transmit to his mistress as the produce of his own
+understanding, and had actually composed a very tender billet for
+this purpose; yet her intention was entirely frustrated by the
+misapprehension of the lover himself, who, in consequence of his
+sister's repeated admonitions, anticipated her scheme, by writing, for
+himself, and despatching the letter one afternoon, while Mrs. Grizzle
+was visiting at the parson's.
+
+Neither was this step the effect of his vanity or precipitation; but
+having been often assured by his sister that it was absolutely necessary
+for him to make a declaration of his love in writing, he took
+this opportunity of acting in conformity with her advice, when his
+imagination was unengaged or undisturbed by any other suggestion,
+without suspecting in the least that she intended to save him the
+trouble of exercising his own genius. Left, therefore, as he imagined,
+to his own inventions, he sat down, and produced the following morceau,
+which was transmitted to Miss Appleby, before his sister and counsellor
+had the least intimation of the affair:--
+
+                    "Miss Sally Appleby.
+
+    "Madam,--Understanding you have a parcel of heart, warranted
+    sound, to be disposed of, shall be pleased to treat for said
+    commodity, on reasonable terms; doubt not, shall agree for
+    same; shall wait on you for further information, when and where
+    you shall appoint. This the needful from--Yours, etc.
+
+                                    "Gam. Pickle."
+
+This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned as it was, met with as
+cordial a reception from the person to whom it was addressed, as if it
+had been couched in the most elegant terms that delicacy of passion and
+cultivated genius could supply; nay, I believe, was the more welcome on
+account of its mercantile plainness; because when an advantageous match
+is in view, a sensible woman often considers the flowery professions and
+rapturous exclamations of love as ensnaring ambiguities, or, at best,
+impertinent preliminaries, that retard the treaty they are designed to
+promote; whereas Mr. Pickle removed all disagreeable uncertainty, by
+descending at once to the most interesting particular.
+
+She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, communicated this billet-doux to
+her father, than he, as a careful parent, visited Mr. Pickle, and,
+in presence of Mrs. Grizzle, demanded a formal explanation of his
+sentiments with regard to his daughter Sally. Mr. Gamaliel, without any
+ceremony, assured him he had a respect for the young woman, and, with
+his good leave, would take her for better, for worse. Mr. Appleby, after
+having expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed his affections
+in his family, comforted the lover with the assurance of his being
+agreeable to the young lady; and they forthwith proceeded to the
+articles of the marriage-settlement, which being discussed and
+determined, a lawyer was ordered to engross them; the wedding-clothes
+were bought, and, in short, a day was appointed for the celebration of
+their nuptials, to which everybody of any fashion in the neighbourhood
+was invited. Among these, commodore Trunnion and Mr. Hatchway were not
+forgotten, being the sole companions of the bridegroom, with whom, by
+this time, they had contracted a sort of intimacy at their nocturnal
+rendezvous.
+
+They had received a previous intimation of what was on the anvil, from
+the landlord, before Mr. Pickle thought proper to declare himself; in
+consequence of which, the topic of the one-eyed commander's discourse,
+at their meeting, for several evenings before, had been the folly and
+plague of matrimony, on which he held forth with great vehemence of
+abuse, leveled at the fair sex, whom he represented as devils incarnate,
+sent from hell to torment mankind; and in particular inveighed against
+old maids, for whom he seemed to entertain a singular aversion;
+while his friend Jack confirmed the truth of all his allegations, and
+gratified his own malignant vein at the same time by clenching every
+sentence with a sly joke upon the married state, built upon some
+allusion to a ship or sea-faring life. He compared a woman to a great
+gun loaded with fire, brimstone, and noise, which, being violently
+heated, will bounce and fly, and play the devil, if you don't take
+special care of her breechings. He said she was like a hurricane that
+never blows from one quarter, but veers about to all points of the
+compass. He likened her to a painted galley, curiously rigged, with
+a leak in her hold, which her husband would never be able to stop. He
+observed that her inclinations were like the Bay of Biscay; for why?
+because you may heave your deep sea lead long enough without ever
+reaching the bottom; that he who comes to anchor on a wife may find
+himself moored in d--d foul ground, and after all, can't for his blood
+slip his cable; and that, for his own part, though he might make short
+trips for pastime, he would never embark in woman on the voyage of life,
+he was afraid of foundering in the first foul weather.
+
+In all probability, these insinuations made some impression on the mind
+of Mr. Pickle, who was not very much inclined to run great risks of any
+kind; but the injunctions and importunities of his sister, who was bent
+upon the match, overbalanced the opinion of his sea friends, who finding
+him determined to marry, notwithstanding all the hints of caution they
+had thrown out, resolved to accept his invitation, and honoured his
+nuptials with their presence accordingly.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+
+The Behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the Wedding, with an Account of the
+Guests.
+
+
+I hope it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance, by way of
+conjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, on this grand occasion, summoned her
+whole exertion to play off the artillery of her charms on the single
+gentlemen who were invited to the entertainment; sure I am, she
+displayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities she
+possessed; her affability at dinner was altogether uncommon, her
+attention to the guests was superfluously hospitable, her tongue was
+sheathed with a most agreeable and infantine lisp, her address was
+perfectly obliging, and though conscious of the extraordinary capacity
+of her month, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her
+lips into an enchanting simper, which played on her countenance all
+day long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we have
+already observed, and securely contemplated those features which were
+most to her liking, while the rest of the company believed her regards
+were disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility of
+complaisance did she receive the compliments of those who could not help
+praising the elegance of the banquet; and how piously did she seize that
+opportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing that
+it was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as she
+had occasion to preside at so many, during the mayoralty of her papa!
+
+Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation when the
+opulence of her family became the subject of conversation, she assumed
+a severity of countenance; and, after having moralized on the vanity
+of riches, declared that those who looked on her as a fortune were very
+much mistaken; for her father had left her no more than a poor five
+thousand pounds, which, with what little she had saved of the interest
+since his death, was all she had to depend on: indeed, if she had placed
+her chief felicity in wealth, she should not have been so forward in
+destroying her own expectations, by advising and promoting the event
+at which they were now so happily assembled; but she hoped she should
+always have virtue enough to postpone any interested consideration, when
+it should happen to clash with the happiness of her friends. Finally,
+such was her modesty and self-denial that she industriously informed
+those whom it might concern, that she was no less than three years older
+than the bride; though had she added ten to the reckoning, she would
+have committed no mistake in point of computation.
+
+To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfaction of
+all present, she in the afternoon regaled them with a tune on the
+harpsichord, accompanied with her voice, which, though not the most
+melodious in the world, I dare say, would have been equally at their
+service could she have vied with Philomel in song; and as the last
+effort of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, she was prevailed
+on, at the request of her new sister, to open the ball in person.
+
+In a word, Mrs. Grizzle was the principal figure in this festival,
+and almost eclipsed the bride; who, far from seeming to dispute the
+pre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents;
+contenting herself with the lot to which fortune had already called
+her and which she imagined would not be the less desirable if her
+sister-in-law were detached from the family.
+
+I believe I need scarce advertise the reader that, during this whole
+entertainment, the commodore and his lieutenant were quite out of their
+element; and this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself,
+who being utterly unacquainted with any sort of polite commerce, found
+himself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole scene.
+
+Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till he was paid off, and
+never once in his whole life in the company of any females above the
+rank of those who herd on the Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassed
+about his behaviour than if he had been surrounded at sea by the whole
+French navy. He had never pronounced the word "madam" since he was born;
+so that, far from entering into conversation with the ladies, he would
+not even return the compliment, or give the least note of civility
+when they drank to his health, and, I verily believe, would rather have
+suffered suffocation than allowed the simple phrase--"your servant," to
+proceed from his mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect to
+the attitudes of his body; for, either through obstinacy or bashfulness,
+he sat upright without motion, insomuch that he provoked the mirth of
+a certain wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whether
+that was the commodore himself, or the wooden lion that used to stand at
+his gate?--an image, to which, it must be owned, Mr. Trunnion's person
+bore no faint resemblance.
+
+Mr. Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished as the commodore, and had
+certain notions that seemed to approach the ideas of common life, made
+a less uncouth appearance; but then he was a wit, and though of a very
+peculiar genius, partook largely of that disposition which is common to
+all wits, who never enjoy themselves except when their talents meet with
+those marks of distinction and veneration, which, in their own opinion,
+they deserve.
+
+These circumstances being premised, it is not to be wondered at, if this
+triumvirate made no objections to the proposal, when some of the graver
+personages of the company made a motion for adjourning into another
+apartment, where they might enjoy their pipes and bottles, while
+the young folks indulged themselves in the continuance of their
+own favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it were, from a state of
+annihilation, the first use the two lads of the castle made of their
+existence, was to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers, that in less
+than an hour he made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carried
+to bed, deprived of all manner of sensation, to the utter disappointment
+of the bridemen and maids, who, by this accident, were prevented from
+throwing the stocking, and performing certain other ceremonies practised
+on such occasions. As for the bride, she bore this misfortune with
+great good humour, and indeed, on all occasions, behaved like a discreet
+woman, perfectly well acquainted with the nature of her own situation.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+
+Mrs. Pickle assumes the Reins of Government in her own Family--Her
+Sister-in-law undertakes an Enterprise of great Moment, but is for some
+time diverted from her Purpose by a very interesting Consideration.
+
+
+Whatever deference, not to say submission, she had paid to Mrs. Grizzle
+before she nearly allied to her family, she no sooner became Mrs.
+Pickle, than she thought it encumbent on her to act up to the dignity of
+the character; and, the very day after the marriage, ventured to dispute
+with her sister-in-law on the subject of her own pedigree, which she
+affirmed to be more honourable in all respects than that of her husband;
+observing that several younger brothers of her house had arrived at
+the station of lord-mayor of London, which was the highest pitch of
+greatness that any of Mr. Pickle's predecessors had ever attained.
+
+This presumption was like a thunderbolt to Mrs. Grizzle, who began to
+perceive that she had not succeeded quite so well as she imagined, in
+selecting for her brother a gentle and obedient yoke-fellow, who would
+always treat her with that profound respect which she thought due to her
+superior genius, and be entirely regulated by her advice and direction:
+however, she still continued to manage the reins of government in the
+house, reprehending the servants as usual; an office she performed with
+great capacity, and in which she seemed to take singular delight, until
+Mrs. Pickle, on pretence of consulting her ease, told her one day
+she would take that trouble on herself, and for the future assume the
+management of her own family. Nothing could be more mortifying to Mrs.
+Grizzle than such a declaration; to which, after a considerable pause,
+and strange distortion of look, she replied: "I shall never refuse
+or repine at any trouble that may conduce to my brother's
+advantage."--"Dear madam," answered the sister, "I am infinitely obliged
+for your kind concern for Mr. Pickle's interest, which I consider as my
+own, but I cannot bear to see you a sufferer by your friendship; and,
+therefore, insist on exempting you from the fatigue you have borne so
+long."
+
+In vain did the other protest that she took pleasure in the task:
+Mrs. Pickle ascribed the assurance to her excess of complaisance; and
+expressed such tenderness of zeal for her dear sister's health and
+tranquility, that the reluctant maiden found herself obliged to resign
+her authority, without enjoying the least pretext for complaining of her
+being deposed.
+
+This disgrace was attended by a fit of peevish devotion that lasted
+three or four weeks; during which period she had the additional chagrin
+of seeing the young lady gain an absolute ascendency over the mind of
+her brother, who was persuaded to set up a gay equipage, and improve
+his housekeeping, by an augmentation in his expense, to the amount of
+a thousand a year at least: though his alteration in the economy of his
+household effected no change in his own disposition, or manner of life;
+for as soon as the painful ceremony of receiving and returning visits
+was performed, he had recourse to the company of his sea friends, with
+whom he spent the best part of his time. But if he was satisfied with
+his condition, the case was otherwise with Mrs. Grizzle, who, finding
+her importance in the family greatly diminished, her attractions
+neglected by all the male sex in the neighbourhood, and the withering
+hand of time hang threatening over her head, began to feel the horror of
+eternal virginity, and, in a sort of desperation, resolved at any rate
+to rescue herself from that reproachful and uncomfortable situation.
+
+Thus determined, she formed a plan, the execution of which to a
+spirit less enterprising and sufficient than hers, would have appeared
+altogether impracticable: this was no other than to make a conquest of
+the commodore's heart, which the reader will easily believe was not very
+susceptible of tender impressions; but, on the contrary, fortified with
+insensibility and prejudice against the charms of the whole sex, and
+particularly prepossessed to the prejudice of that class distinguished
+by the appellation of old maids, in which Mrs. Grizzle was by this time
+unhappily ranked. She nevertheless took the field, and having invested
+this seemingly impregnable fortress, began to break ground one day,
+when Trunnion dined at her brother's, by springing certain ensnaring
+commendations on the honesty and sincerity of sea-faring people,
+paying a particular attention to his plate, and affecting a simper of
+approbation at everything which he said, which by any means she could
+construe into a joke, or with modesty be supposed to hear: nay, even
+when he left decency on the left hand, which was often the case, she
+ventured to reprimand his freedom of speech with a grin, saying, "Sure
+you gentlemen belonging to the sea have such an odd way with you." But
+all this complacency was so ineffectual, that, far from suspecting the
+true cause of it, the commodore, that very evening, at the club, in
+presence of her brother, with whom by this time he could take any manner
+of freedom, did not scruple to d-- her for a squinting, block-faced,
+chattering p-- kitchen; and immediately after drank "Despair to all old
+maids." The toast Mr. Pickle pledged without the least hesitation, and
+next day intimated to his sister, who bore the indignity with surprising
+resignation, and did not therefore desist from her scheme, unpromising
+as it seemed to be, until her attention was called off, and engaged
+in another care, which for some time interrupted the progress of this
+design.
+
+Her sister had not been married many months, when she exhibited evident
+symptoms of pregnancy, to the general satisfaction of all concerned, and
+the inexpressible joy of Mrs. Grizzle, who, as we have already hinted,
+was more interested in the preservation of the family name than in
+any other consideration whatever. She therefore no sooner discovered
+appearances to justify and confirm her hopes, than, postponing her own
+purpose, and laying aside that pique and resentment she had conceived
+from the behaviour of Mrs. Pickle, when she superseded her authority;
+or perhaps, considering her in no other light than that of the vehicle
+which contained, and was destined to convey, her brother's heir to
+light, she determined to exert her uttermost in nursing, tending, and
+cherishing her during the term of her important charge. With this
+view she purchased Culpepper's Midwifery, which with that sagacious
+performance dignified with Aristotle's name, she studied with
+indefatigable care; and diligently perused the Complete Housewife,
+together with Quincy's Dispensatory, culling every jelly, marmalade, and
+conserve which these authors recommend as either salutary or toothsome,
+for the benefit and comfort of her sister-in-law, during her gestation.
+She restricted her from eating roots, pot-herbs, fruit, and all sorts of
+vegetables; and one day, when Mrs. Pickle had plucked a peach with her
+own hand, and was in the very act of putting it between her teeth, Mrs.
+Grizzle perceived the rash attempt, and running up to her, fell on her
+knees in the garden, entreating her, with tears in her eyes, to desist
+such a pernicious appetite. Her request was no sooner complied with,
+than recollecting, that if her sister's longing was balked, the child
+might be affected with some disagreeable mark or deplorable disease, she
+begged as earnestly that she would swallow the fruit, and in the mean
+time ran for some cordial water of her own composing, which she forced
+on her sister, as an antidote to the poison she had received.
+
+This excessive zeal and tenderness did not fail to be very troublesome
+to Mrs. Pickle, who, having resolved divers plans for the recovery
+of her own ease, at length determined to engage Mrs. Grizzle in such
+employment as would interrupt that close attendance, which she found so
+teasing and disagreeable. Neither did she wait long for an opportunity
+of putting her resolution in practice. The very next day a gentleman
+happening to dine with Mr. Pickle, unfortunately mentioned a pine-apple,
+part of which he had eaten a week before at the house of a nobleman, who
+lived in another part of the country, at the distance of a hundred miles
+at least.
+
+The name of this fatal fruit was no sooner pronounced, than Mrs.
+Grizzle, who incessantly watched her sister's looks, took the alarm,
+because she thought they gave certain indications of curiosity and
+desire; and after having observed that she herself could never eat
+pine-apples, which were altogether unnatural productions, extorted
+by the force of artificial fire out of filthy manure, asked, with a
+faltering voice, if Mrs. Pickle was not of her way of thinking? This
+young lady, who wanted neither slyness nor penetration, at once divined
+her meaning, and replied, with seeming unconcern, that for her own part
+she should never repine if there was no pine-apple in the universe,
+provided she could indulge herself with the fruits of her own country.
+
+This answer was calculated for the benefit of the stranger, who would
+certainly have suffered for his imprudence by the resentment of Mrs.
+Grizzle, had her sister expressed the least relish for the fruit in
+question. It had the desired effect, and re-established the peace of the
+company, which was not a little endangered by the gentleman's want of
+consideration. Next morning, however, after breakfast, the pregnant
+lady, in pursuance of her plan, yawned, as it were by accident, full in
+the face of her maiden sister, who being infinitely disturbed by this
+convulsion, affirmed it was a symptom of longing, and insisted upon
+knowing the object in desire; when Mrs. Pickle affecting a smile
+told her she had eaten a most delicious pine-apple in her sleep. This
+declaration was attended with an immediate scream, uttered by
+Mrs. Grizzle, who instantly perceiving her sister surprised at the
+exclamation, clasped her in her arms, and assured her, with a sort of
+hysterical laugh, that she could not help screaming with joy, because
+she had it in her power to gratify her dear sister's wish; a lady in
+the neighbourhood having promised to send her, as a present, a couple of
+delicate pine-apples, which she would on that very day go in quest of.
+
+Mrs. Pickle would by no means consent to this proposal, on pretence of
+sparing the other unnecessary fatigue; and assured her, that if she had
+any desire to eat a pine-apple, it was so faint, that the disappointment
+could produce no bad consequence. But this assurance was conveyed in
+a manner, which she knew very well how to adopt, that, instead of
+dissuading, rather stimulated Mrs. Grizzle to set out immediately, not
+on a visit to that lady, whose promise she herself had feigned with
+a view of consulting her sister's tranquility, but on a random Search
+through the whole country for this unlucky fruit, which was like to
+produce so much vexation and prejudice to her and her father's house.
+
+During three whole days and nights did she, attended by a valet, ride
+from place to place without success, unmindful of her health, and
+careless of her reputation, that began to suffer from the nature of her
+inquiry, which was pursued with such peculiar eagerness and distraction,
+that everybody with whom she conversed, looked upon her as an unhappy
+person, whose intellects were not a little disordered.
+
+Baffled in all her researches within the country, she at length decided
+to visit that very nobleman at whose house the officious stranger had
+been (for her) so unfortunately regaled, and actually arrived, in a
+post-chaise, at the place of his habitation, when she introduced her
+business as an affair on which the happiness of a whole family depended.
+By virtue of a present to his lordship's gardener, she procured the
+Hesperian fruit, with which she returned in triumph.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+
+Mrs. Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her Sister's
+Longings--Peregrine is born, and managed contrary to the Directions
+and Remonstrances of his Aunt, who is disgusted upon that account, and
+resumes the Plan which she had before rejected.
+
+
+The success of this device would have encouraged Mrs. Pickle to practise
+more of the same sort upon her sister-in-law, had she not been deterred
+by a violent fever which seized her zealous ally, in consequence of the
+fatigue and uneasiness she had undergone; which, while it lasted, as
+effectually conduced to her repose, as any other stratagem she could
+invent. But Mrs. Grizzle's health was no sooner restored, than the
+other, being as much incommoded as ever, was obliged, in her own
+defence, to have recourse to some other contrivance; and managed her
+artifices in such a manner, as leaves it at this day a doubt whether she
+was really so whimsical and capriccios in her appetites as she herself
+pretended to be; for her longings were not restricted to the demands of
+the palate and stomach, but also affected all the other organs of sense,
+and even invaded her imagination, which at this period seemed to be
+strangely diseased.
+
+One time she longed to pinch her husband's ear; and it was with infinite
+difficulty that his sister could prevail upon him to undergo the
+operation. Yet this task was easy, in comparison with another she
+undertook for the gratification of Mrs. Pickle's unaccountable desire;
+which was no other than to persuade the commodore to submit his chin
+to the mercy of the big-bellied lady, who ardently wished for an
+opportunity of plucking three black hairs from his beard. When this
+proposal was first communicated to Mr. Trunnion by the husband, his
+answer was nothing but a dreadful effusion of oaths, accompanied with
+such a stare, and delivered in such a tone of voice, as terrified the
+poor beseecher into immediate silence; so that Mrs. Grizzle was fain
+to take the whole enterprise upon herself, and next day went to the
+garrison accordingly, where, having obtained entrance by means of the
+lieutenant, who, while his commander was asleep, ordered her to be
+admitted for the joke's sake, she waited patiently till he turned out,
+and then accosted him in the yard, where he used to perform his morning
+walk. He was thunderstruck at the appearance of a woman in a place he
+had hitherto kept sacred from the whole sex, and immediately began to
+utter an apostrophe to Tom Pipes, whose turn it was then to watch; when
+Mrs. Grizzle, falling on her knees before him, conjured him, with many
+pathetic supplications, to hear and grant her request, which was no
+sooner signified, than he bellowed in such an outrageous manner that the
+whole court re-echoed the opprobrious term b--, and the word damnation,
+which he repeated with surprising volubility, without any sort of
+propriety or connection; and retreated into his penetralia, leaving the
+baffled devotee in the humble posture she had so unsuccessfully chosen
+to melt his obdurate heart.
+
+Mortifying as this repulse must have been to a lady of her stately
+disposition, she did not relinquish her aim, but endeavoured to interest
+the commodore's counsellors and adherents in her cause. With this view
+she solicited the interest of Mr. Hatchway, who, being highly pleased
+with a circumstance so productive of mirth and diversion, readily
+entered into her measures, and promised to employ his whole influence
+for her satisfaction; and as for the boatswain's mate, he was rendered
+propitious by the present of a guinea, which she slipped into his hand.
+In short, Mrs. Grizzle was continually engaged in this negotiation for
+the space of ten days, during which, the commodore was so incessantly
+pestered with her remonstrances, and the admonitions of his associates,
+that he swore his people had a design upon his life, which becoming a
+burden to him, he at last complied, and was conducted to the scene like
+a victim to the altar, or rather like a reluctant bear, when he is led
+to the stake amidst the shouts and cries of butchers and their dogs.
+After all, this victory was not quite so decisive as the conquerors
+imagined; for the patient being set, and the performer prepared with
+a pair of pincers, a small difficulty occurred: she could not for some
+time discern one black hair on the whole superficies of Mr. Trunnion's
+face, when Mrs. Grizzle, very much alarmed and disconcerted, had
+recourse to a magnifying-glass that stood upon her toilet; and, after a
+most accurate examination, discovered a fibre of a dusky hue, to which
+the instrument being applied, Mrs. Pickle pulled it up by the roots, to
+the no small discomposure of the owner, who, feeling the smart much more
+severe than he had expected, started up, and swore he would not part
+with another hair to save them all from damnation.
+
+Mr. Hatchway exhorted him to patience and resignation; Mrs. Grizzle
+repeated her entreaties with great humility; but finding him deaf to all
+her prayers, and absolutely bent upon leaving the house, she clasped his
+knees, and begged for the love of God that he would have compassion upon
+a distressed family, and endure a little more for the sake of the poor
+infant, who would otherwise be born with a gray beard upon its chin.
+Far from being melted, he was rather exasperated by this reflection; to
+which he replied with great indignation, "D-- you for a yaw-sighted b--!
+I'll be hanged, long enough before he has any beard at all:" so saying,
+he disengaged himself from her embraces, flung out at the door, and
+halted homewards with such surprising speed, that the lieutenant could
+not overtake him until he had arrived at his own gate; and Mrs.
+Grizzle was so much affected with his escape, that her sister, in pure
+compassion, desired she would not afflict herself, protesting that her
+own wish was already gratified, for she had plucked three hairs at once,
+having from the beginning been dubious of the commodore's patience.
+
+But the labours of this assiduous kinswoman did not end with the
+achievement of this adventure: her eloquence or industry was employed
+without ceasing in the performance of other tasks imposed by the
+ingenious craft of her sister-in-law, who at another time conceived an
+insuppressible affection for a fricassee of frogs, which should be the
+genuine natives of France; so that there was a necessity for despatching
+a messenger on purpose to that kingdom; but as she could not depend
+upon the integrity of any common servant, Mrs. Grizzle undertook that
+province, and actually set sail in a cutter for Boulogne, from whence
+she returned in eight-and-forty hours with a tub full of those live
+animals, which being dressed according to art, her sister did not
+taste them, on pretence that her fit of longing was past: but then her
+inclinations took a different turn, and fixed themselves upon a curious
+implement belonging to a lady of quality in the neighbourhood, which
+was reported to be a great curiosity: this was no other than a porcelain
+chamber-pot of admirable workmanship, contrived by the honourable owner,
+who kept it for her own private use, and cherished it as a utensil of
+inestimable value.
+
+Mrs. Grizzle shuddered at the first hint, she received of her sister's
+desire to possess this piece of furniture; because she knew it was not
+to be purchased; and the lady's character, which was none of the most
+amiable in point of humanity and condescension, forbad all hopes of
+borrowing it for a season: she therefore attempted to reason down this
+capricious appetite, as an extravagance of imagination which ought to be
+combated and repressed; and Mrs. Pickle, to all appearance was convinced
+and satisfied by her arguments and advice; but, nevertheless, could make
+use of no other convenience, and was threatened with a very dangerous
+suppression. Roused at the peril in which she supposed her to be,
+Mrs. Grizzle flew to the lady's house, and, having obtained a private
+audience, disclosed the melancholy situation of her sister, and implored
+the benevolence of her ladyship, who, contrary to expectation, received
+her very graciously, and consented to indulge Mrs. Pickle's longing. Mr.
+Pickle began to be out of humour at the expense to which he was exposed
+by the caprice of his wife, who was herself alarmed at this last
+accident, and for the future kept her fancy within bounds; insomuch,
+that without being subject to any more extraordinary trouble, Mrs.
+Grizzle reaped the long-wished fruits of her dearest expectation in the
+birth of a fine boy, whom her sister in a few months brought into the
+world.
+
+I shall omit the description of the rejoicings, which were infinite on
+this important occasion, and only observe that Mrs. Pickle's mother and
+aunt stood godmothers, and the commodore assisted at the ceremony as
+godfather to the child, who was christened by the name of Peregrine, in
+compliment to the memory of a deceased uncle. While the mother confined
+to her bed, and incapable of maintaining her own authority, Mrs. Grizzle
+took charge of the infant baby by a double claim, and superintended, with
+surprising vigilance, the nurse and midwife in all the particulars of
+their respective offices, which were performed by her express direction.
+But no sooner was Mrs. Pickle in a condition to reassume the management
+of her own affairs, when she thought proper to alter certain regulations
+concerning the child, which had obtained in consequence of her sister's
+orders, directing, among other innovations, that the bandages with which
+the infant had been so neatly rolled up, like an Egyptian mummy, should
+be loosened and laid aside, in order to rid nature of all restraint,
+and give the blood free scope to circulate; and, with her own hands she
+plunged him headlong every morning into a tub full of cold water. This
+operation seemed so barbarous to the tender-hearted Mrs. Grizzle, that
+she not only opposed it with all her eloquence, shedding abundance of
+tears over the sacrifice when it was made; and took horse immediately,
+and departed for the habitation of an eminent country physician, whom
+she consulted in these words: "Pray, doctor, is it not both dangerous
+and cruel to be the means of letting a poor tender infant perish
+by sousing it in water as cold as ice?"--"Yes," replied the doctor,
+"downright murder, I affirm."--"I see you are a person of great learning
+and sagacity," said the other; "and I must beg you will be so good as
+to signify your opinion in your own handwriting." The doctor immediately
+complied with her request, and expressed himself upon a slip of paper to
+this purpose:--
+
+    "These are to certify whom it may concern, that I firmly
+    believe, and it is my unalterable opinion, that who soever
+    letteth an infant perish, by sousing it in cold water, even
+    though the said water should not be so cold as ice, is in
+    effect guilty of the murder of the said infant, as witness
+    my hand,
+                       "Comfit Colocynth."
+
+
+Having obtained this certificate, for which the physician was handsomely
+acknowledged, she returned, exalting, and hoping, with such authority,
+to overthrow all opposition. Accordingly, next morning, when her nephew
+was about to undergo his diurnal baptism, she produced the commission,
+whereby she conceived herself empowered to overrule such inhuman
+proceedings, but she was disappointed in her expectation, confident as
+it was; not that Mrs. Pickle pretended to differ in opinion from Dr.
+Colocynth, "for whose character and sentiments," said she, "I have such
+veneration, that I shall carefully observe the caution implied in this
+very certificate, by which, far from condemning my method of practice,
+he only asserts that killing is murder; an asseveration, the truth of
+which, it is to be hoped, I shall never dispute."
+
+Mrs. Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too superficially considered
+the clause by which she thought herself authorized, perused the paper
+with more accuracy, and was confounded at her own want of penetration.
+Yet, though she was confuted, she was by no means convinced that her
+objections to the cold bath were unreasonable; on the contrary, after
+having bestowed sundry opprobrious epithets on the physician, for his
+want of knowledge and candour, she protested in the most earnest and
+solemn manner the pernicious practice of dipping the child--a piece
+of cruelty which, with God's assistance, she should never suffer to
+be inflicted on her own issue; and washing her hands of the melancholy
+consequence that would certainly ensue, shut herself up in her closet
+to indulge her sorrow and vexation. She was deceived, however, in her
+prognostic. The boy, instead of declining in point of health, seemed to
+acquire fresh vigour from every plunge, as if he had been resolved to
+discredit the wisdom and foresight of his aunt, who in all probability
+could never forgive him for this want of reverence and respect. This
+conjecture is founded upon her behaviour to him in the sequel of his
+infancy, during which she was known to torture him more than once, when
+she had opportunities of thrusting pins into his flesh, without any
+danger of being detected. In short, her affections were in a little time
+altogether alienated from this hope of her family, whom she abandoned to
+the conduct of his mother, whose province it undoubtedly was to manage
+the nurture of her own child; while she herself resumed her operations
+upon the commodore, whom she was resoled at any rate to captivate and
+enslave. And it must be owned that Mrs. Grizzle's knowledge of the human
+heart never shone so conspicuous as in the methods she pursued for the
+accomplishment of this important aim.
+
+Through the rough unpolished hulk that cased the soul of Trunnion, she
+could easily distinguish a large share of that vanity and self-conceit
+that generally predominate even in the most savage beast; and to this
+she constantly appealed. In his presence she always exclaimed against
+the craft and dishonest dissimulation of the world, and never failed of
+uttering particular invectives against those arts of chicanery in
+which the lawyers are so conversant, to the prejudice and ruin of their
+fellow-creatures; observing that in a seafaring life, as far as she
+had opportunities of judging or being informed, there was nothing but
+friendship, sincerity, and a hearty contempt for everything that was
+mean or selfish.
+
+This kind of conversation, with the assistance of certain particular
+civilities, insensibly made an impression on the mind of the commodore,
+and the more effectual as his former prepossessions were built upon very
+slender foundations. His antipathy to old maids, which he had conceived
+upon hearsay, began gradually to diminish when he found they were not
+quite such infernal animals as they had been presented; and it was not
+long before he was heard to observe, at the club, that Pickle's sister
+had not so much of the core of b-- in her as he had imagined. This
+negative compliment, by the medium of her brother, soon reached the
+ears of Mrs. Grizzle, who, thus encouraged, redoubled in her arts and
+attention; so that, in less than three months after, he in the same
+place distinguished her with the epithet of a d--d sensible jade.
+
+Hatchway, taking the alarm at this declaration, which he feared
+foreboded something fatal to his interest, told his commander, with a
+sneer, that she had sense enough to bring him to under her stern; and he
+did not doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would be the better for
+being taken in tow. "But howsomever," added this arch adviser, "I'd have
+you take care of your upper-works; for if once you are made fast to her
+poop, egad! She'll spank it away, and make every beam in your body crack
+with straining."
+
+Our she-projector's whole plan had like to have been ruined by the
+effect which this malicious hint had upon Trunnion, whose rage and
+suspicion being wakened at once, his colour changed from tawny to a
+cadaverous pale, and then shifting to a deep and dusky red, such as we
+sometimes observe in the sky when it is replete with thunder, he, after
+his usual preamble of unmeaning oaths, answered in these words:--"D--
+you, you jury-legg'd dog, you would give all the stowage in your hold to
+be as sound as I am; and as for being taken in tow, d'ye see, I'm not
+so disabled that I can lie my course, and perform my voyage without
+assistance; and, egad! no man shall ever see Hawser Trunnion lagging
+astern, in the wake of e'er a b-- in Christendom."
+
+Mrs. Grizzle, who every morning interrogated her brother with regard to
+the subject of his night's conversation with his friends, soon received
+the unwelcome news of the commodore's aversion to matrimony; and justly
+imputing the greatest part of his disgust to the satirical insinuations
+of Mr. Hatchway, resolved to level this obstruction to her success, and
+actually found means to interest him in her scheme. She had indeed, on
+some occasions, a particular knack at making converts, being probably
+not unacquainted with that grand system of persuasion which is adopted
+by the greatest personages of the age, and fraught with maxims much
+more effectual than all the eloquence of Tully or Demosthenes, even
+when supported by the demonstrations of truth; besides, Mr. Hatchway's
+fidelity to his new ally was confirmed by his foreseeing, in his
+captain's marriage, an infinite fund of gratification for his own
+cynical disposition. Thus, therefore, converted and properly cautioned,
+he for the future suppressed all the virulence of his wit against the
+matrimonial state; and as he knew not how to open his mouth in the
+positive praise of any person whatever, took all opportunities of
+excepting Mrs. Grizzle, by name, from the censures he liberally bestowed
+upon the rest of her sex. "She is not a drunkard, like Nan Castick,
+of Deptford," he would say; "not a nincompoop, like Peg Simper, of
+Woolwich; not a brimstone, like Kate Koddle, of Chatham; nor a shrew,
+like Nell Griffin, on the Point, Portsmouth" (ladies to whom, at
+different times, they had both paid their addresses); "but a tight,
+good-humoured, sensible wench, who knows very well how to box her
+compass; well-trimmed aloft, and well-sheathed alow, with a good cargo
+under her hatches." The commodore at first imagined this commendation
+was ironical; but, hearing it repeated again and again, was filled with
+astonishment at this surprising change in the lieutenant's behaviour;
+and, after a long fit of musing, concluded that Hatchway himself
+harboured a matrimonial design on the person of Mrs. Grizzle.
+
+Pleased with this conjecture, he rallied jack in his turn, and one night
+toasted her health as a compliment to his passion--a circumstance which
+the lady learned next day by the usual canal of her intelligence;
+and interpreting as the result of his own tenderness for her, she
+congratulated herself on the victory she had obtained; and thinking
+it unnecessary to continue the reserve she had hitherto industriously
+affected, resolved from that day to sweeten her behaviour towards him
+with such a dash of affection as could not fail to persuade him that
+he had inspired her with a reciprocal flame. In consequence of this
+determination, he was invited to dinner, and while he stayed treated
+with such cloying proofs of her regard, that not only the rest of the
+company, but even Trunnion perceived her drift; and taking the alarm
+accordingly, could not help exclaiming, "Oho! I see how the land lies,
+and if I don't weather the point, I'll be d--d." Having thus expressed
+himself to his afflicted inamorata, he made the best of his way to the
+garrison, in which he shut himself up for the space of ten days, and had
+no communication with his friends and domestics but by looks, which were
+most significantly picturesque.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+
+Divers Stratagems are invented and put in practice, in order to overcome
+the obstinacy of Trunnion, who, at length, is teased and tortured into
+the Noose of Wedlock.
+
+
+This abrupt departure and unkind declaration affected Mrs. Grizzle so
+much, that she fell sick of sorrow and mortification; and after having
+confined herself to her bed for three days, sent for her brother, told
+him she perceived her end drawing near, and desired that a lawyer might
+be brought, in order to write her last will. Mr. Pickle, surprised at
+her demand, began to act the part of a comforter, assuring her that her
+distemper was not at all dangerous, and that he would instantly send
+for a physician, who would convince her that she was in no manner
+of jeopardy; so that there was no occasion at present to employ any
+officious attorney in such a melancholy task. Indeed, this affectionate
+brother was of opinion that a will was altogether superfluous at any
+rate, as he himself was heir-in-law to his sister's whole real and
+personal estate. But she insisted on his compliance with such determined
+obstinacy, that he could no longer resist her importunities; and, a
+arriving, she dictated and executed her will, in which she bequeathed
+to Commodore Trunnion one thousand pounds, to purchase a mourning
+ring, which she hoped he would wear as a pledge of her friendship and
+affection. Her brother, though he did not much relish this testimony
+of her love, nevertheless that same evening gave an account of this
+particular to Mr. Hatchway, who was also, as Mr. Pickle assured him,
+generously remembered by the testatrix.
+
+The lieutenant, fraught with this piece of intelligence, watched for
+an opportunity; and as soon as he perceived the commodore's features
+a little unbended from that ferocious contraction they had retained so
+long, ventured to inform him that Pickle's sister lay at the point of
+death, and that she had left him a thousand pounds in her will. This
+piece of news overwhelmed him with confusion; and Mr. Hatchway, imputing
+his silence to remorse, resolved to take advantage of that favourable
+moment, and counselled him to go and visit the poor young woman, who
+was dying for love of him. But his admonition happened to be somewhat
+unseasonable. Trunnion no sooner heard him mention the cause of her
+disorder, than his morosity recurring, he burst out into a violent fit
+of cursing, and forthwith betook himself again to his hammock, where he
+lay, uttering, in a low growling tone of voice, a repetition of oaths
+and imprecations, for the space of four-and-twenty hours, without
+ceasing. This was a delicious meal to the lieutenant, who, eager to
+enhance the pleasure of the entertainment, and at the same the conduce
+to the success of the cause he had espoused, invented a stratagem, the
+execution of which had all the effect he could desire. He prevailed on
+Pipes, who was devoted to his service, to get on the top of the chimney,
+belonging to the commodore's chamber, at midnight, and lower down by
+a rope a bunch of stinking whitings, which being performed, he put a
+speaking-trumpet to his mouth, and hallooed down the vent, in a voice
+like thunder, "Trunnion! Trunnion! turn out and be spliced, or he still
+and be d--."
+
+This dreadful note, the terror of which was increased by the silence and
+darkness of the night, as well as the cello of the passage through which
+it was conveyed, no sooner reached the ears of the astonished commodore,
+than turning his eyes towards the place from whence this solemn address
+seemed to proceed, he beheld a glittering object that vanished in an
+instant. Just as his superstitious fear had improved the apparition into
+some supernatural messenger clothed in shining array, his opinion was
+confirmed by a sudden explosion, which he took for thunder, though it
+was no other than the noise of a pistol fired down the chimney by the
+boatswain's mate, according to the instructions he had received; and he
+had time enough to descend before he was in any danger of being detected
+by his commodore, who could not for an hour recollect himself from the
+amazement and consternation which had overpowered his faculties.
+
+At length, however, he got up, and rang his bell with great agitation.
+He repeated the summons more than once; but no regard being paid to this
+alarm, his dread returned with double terror, a cold sweat bedewed his
+limbs, his knees knocked together, his hair bristled up, and the remains
+of his teeth were shattered in pieces in the convulsive vibrations of
+his jaws.
+
+In the midst of this agony he made one desperate effort, and, bursting
+open the door of apartment, bolted into Hatchway's chamber, which
+happened to be on the same floor. There he found the lieutenant in
+a counterfeit swoon, who pretended to wake from his trance in an
+ejaculation of "Lord have mercy upon us!" and being questioned by the
+terrified commodore with regard to what had happened, assured him he had
+heard the same voice and clap of thunder by which Trunnion himself had
+been discomposed.
+
+Pipes, whose turn it was to watch, concurred in giving evidence to the
+same purpose; and the commodore not only owned that he had heard the
+voice, but likewise communicated his vision, with all the aggravation
+which his disturbed fancy suggested.
+
+A consultation immediately ensued, in which Mr. Hatchway gravely
+observed that the finger of Heaven was plainly perceivable in those
+signals, and that it would be both sinful and foolish to disregard its
+commands, especially as the match proposed was, in all respects, more
+advantageous than any that one of his years could reasonably expect;
+declaring that for his own part he would not endanger his soul and body
+by living one day longer under the same roof with a man who despised the
+will of Heaven; and Tom Pipes adhered to the same pious resolution.
+
+Trunnion's perseverance could not resist the number and diversity
+of considerations that assaulted it; he revolved in silence all the
+opposite motives that occurred to his reflection; and after having been,
+to all appearance, bewildered in the labyrinth of his own thoughts, he
+wiped the sweat from his forehead, and, heaving a piteous groan, yielded
+to their remonstrances in these words: "Well, since it must be so, I
+think we must ev'n grapple. But d-- my eyes! 'tis a d--d hard case
+that a fellow of my years should be compelled, d'ye see, to beat up
+to windward all the rest of my life against the current of my own
+inclination."
+
+This important article being discussed, Mr. Hatchway set out in the
+morning to visit the despairing shepherdess, and was handsomely rewarded
+for the enlivening tidings with which he blessed her ears. Sick as
+she was, she could not help laughing heartily at the contrivance, in
+consequence of which her swain's assent had been obtained, and gave the
+lieutenant ten guineas for Tom Pipes, in consideration of the part he
+acted in the farce.
+
+In the afternoon the commodore suffered himself to be conveyed to her
+apartment, like a felon to execution, and was received by her in
+a languishing manner, and genteel dishabille, accompanied by her
+sister-in-law, who was, for very obvious reasons, extremely solicitous
+about her success. Though the lieutenant had tutored him touching his
+behaviour it this interview, he made a thousand wry faces before he
+could pronounce the simple salutation of "How d'ye?" to his mistress;
+and after his counsellor had urged him with twenty or thirty whispers,
+to each of which he had replied aloud, "D-- your eyes, I won't," he got
+up, and halting towards the couch on which Mrs. Grizzle reclined in a
+state of strange expectation, he seized her hand and pressed it to his
+lips; but this piece of gallantry he performed in such a reluctant,
+uncouth, indignant manner, that the nymph had need of all her resolution
+to endure the compliment without shrinking; and he himself was so
+disconcerted at what he had done, that he instantly retired to the
+other end of the room, where he sat silent, and broiled with shame and
+vexation.
+
+Mrs. Pickle, like a sensible matron, quitted the place, on pretence of
+going to the nursery; and Mr. Hatchway, taking the hint, recollected
+that he had left his tobacco-pouch in the parlour, whither he descended,
+leaving the two lovers to their mutual endearments. Never had the
+commodore found himself in such a disagreeable dilemma before. He sat in
+an agony of suspense, as if he every moment dreaded the dissolution of
+nature; and the imploring sighs of his future bride added, if possible,
+to the pangs of his distress. Impatient of this situation, he rolled
+his eye around in quest of some relief, and, unable to contain himself,
+exclaimed, "D--n seize the fellow and his pouch too! I believe he has
+sheered off, and left me here in the stays."
+
+Mrs. Grizzle, who could not help taking some notice of this
+manifestation of chagrin, lamented her unhappy fate in being so
+disagreeable to him, that he could not put up with her company for a few
+moments without repining; and began in very tender terms to reproach him
+with his inhumanity and indifference. To this expostulation he replied,
+"Zounds! what would the woman have? Let the parson do his office when he
+wool: here I am ready to be reeved in the matrimonial block, d'ye see,
+and d-- all nonsensical palaver." So saying, he retreated, leaving his
+mistress not at all disobliged at his plain dealing. That same evening
+the treaty of marriage was brought upon the carpet, and, by means of Mr.
+Pickle and the lieutenant, settled to the satisfaction of all parties,
+without the intervention of lawyers, whom Mr. Trunnion expressly
+excluded from all share in the business; making that condition the
+indispensable preliminary of the whole agreement. Things being brought
+to this bearing, Mrs. Grizzle's heart dilated with joy; her health,
+which, by the bye, was never dangerously impaired, she recovered as if
+by enchantment; and, a day being fixed for the nuptials, employed the
+short period of her celibacy in choosing ornaments for the celebration
+of her entrance into the married state.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+
+Preparations are made for the Commodore's Wedding, which is delayed by
+an Accident that hurried him the Lord knows whither.
+
+
+The fame of this extraordinary conjunction spread all over the county;
+and, on the day appointed for their spousals, the church was surrounded
+by an inconceivable multitude. The commodore, to give a specimen of his
+gallantry, by the advice of his friend Hatchway, resolved to appear on
+horseback on the grand occasion, at the head of all his male attendants,
+whom he had rigged with the white shirts and black caps formerly
+belonging to his barge's crew; and he bought a couple of hunters for the
+accommodation of himself and his lieutenant. With this equipage, then,
+he set out from the garrison for the church, after having despatched a
+messenger to apprise the bride that he and his company were mounted. She
+got immediately into the coach, accompanied by her brother and his wife,
+and drove directly to the place of assignation, where several pews were
+demolished, and divers persons almost pressed to death, by the eagerness
+of the crowd that broke in to see the ceremony performed. Thus arrived
+at the altar, and the priest in attendance, they waited a whole
+half-hour for the commodore, at whose slowness they began to be under
+some apprehension, and accordingly dismissed a servant to quicken his
+pace. The valet having ridden something more than a mile, espied the
+whole troop disposed in a long field, crossing the road obliquely, and
+headed by the bridegroom and his friend Hatchway, who, finding himself
+hindered by a hedge from proceeding farther in the same direction, fired
+a pistol, and stood over to the other side, making an obtuse angle with
+the line of his former course; and the rest of the squadron followed his
+example, keeping always in the rear of each other, like a flight of wild
+geese.
+
+Surprised at this strange method of journeying, the messenger came up,
+and told the commodore that his lady and her company expected him in the
+church, where they had tarried a considerable time, and were beginning
+to be very uneasy at his delay, and therefore desired he would proceed
+with more expedition. To this message Mr. Trunnion replied, "Hark ye,
+brother, don't you see we make all possible speed? go back, and tell
+those who sent you, that the wind has shifted since we weighed anchor,
+and that we are obliged to make very short trips in tacking, by reason
+of the narrowness of the channel; and that as we be within six points
+of the wind, they must make some allowance for variation and
+leeway."--"Lord, sir!" said the valet, "what occasion have you to go
+zig-zag in that manner? Do but clap spurs to your horses, and ride
+straight forward, and I'll engage yea shall be at the church-porch
+in less than a quarter of an hour."-"What? right in the wind's eye?"
+answered the commodore; "ahey! brother, where did you learn your
+navigation? Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at this time of day how
+to lie his course, or keep his own reckoning. And as for you, brother,
+you best know the trim of your own frigate."
+
+The courier, finding he had to do with people who would not be easily
+persuaded out of their own opinions, returned to the temple, and made a
+report of what he had seen and heard, to the no small consolation of
+the bride, who had begun to discover some signs of disquiet. Composed,
+however, by this piece of intelligence, she exerted her patience for the
+space of another half-hour, during which period, seeing no bridegroom
+arrive, she was exceedingly alarmed; so that all the spectators could
+easily perceive her perturbation, which manifested itself in frequent
+palpitations, heart-heavings, and alterations of countenance, in spite
+of the assistance of a smelling-bottle which she incessantly applied to
+her nostrils.
+
+Various were the conjectures of the company on this occasion: some
+imagined he had mistaken the place of rendezvous, as he had never been
+at church since he first settled in that parish; others believed he
+had met with some accident, in consequence of which his attendants had
+carried him back to his own house; and a third set, in which the bride
+herself was thought to be comprehended, could not help suspecting
+that the commodore had changed his mind. But all these suppositions,
+ingenious as they were, happened to be wide of the true cause that
+detained him, which was no other than this: the commodore and his crew
+had, by dint of turning, almost weathered the parson's house that stood
+to windward of the church, when the notes of a pack of hounds unluckily
+reached the ears of the two hunters which Trunnion and the lieutenant
+bestrode. These fleet animals no sooner heard the enlivening sound,
+than, eager for the chase, they sprang away all of a sudden, and
+strained every nerve to partake of the sport, flew across the fields
+with incredible speed, overleaped hedges and ditches, and everything
+in their way, without the least regard to their unfortunate riders. The
+lieutenant, whose steed had got the heels of the other, finding it would
+be great folly and presumption in him to pretend to keep the saddle with
+his wooden leg, very wisely took the opportunity of throwing himself off
+in his passage through a field of rich clover, among which he lay at his
+ease; and seeing his captain advancing, at full gallop, hailed him with
+the salutation of "What cheer? Ho!" The commodore, who was in infinite
+distress, eyeing him askance as he passed, replied, with a faltering
+voice, "O, d-- ye!--you are safe at an anchor. I wish to God I were as
+fast moored."
+
+Nevertheless, conscious of his disabled heel, he would not venture
+to try the experiment which had succeeded so well with Hatchway but
+resolved to stick as close as possible to his horse's back, until
+Providence should interpose in his behalf. With this view he dropped his
+whip, and with his right hand laid fast hold on the pommel, contracting
+every muscle in his body to secure himself in the seat, and grinning
+most formidably in consequence of this exertion. In this attitude he
+was hurried on a considerable way, when all of a sudden his view was
+comforted by a five-bar gate that appeared before him, as he never
+doubted that there the career of his hunter must necessarily end.
+But, alas! he reckoned without his host. Far from halting at this
+obstruction, the horse sprang over it with amazing agility, to the utter
+confusion and disorder of his owner, who lost his hat and periwig in
+the leap, and now began to think, in good earnest, that he was actually
+mounted on the back of the devil. He recommended himself to God; his
+reflections forsook him; his eyesight and all his other senses failed;
+he quitted the reins, and fastening by instinct on the mane, was in this
+condition conveyed into the midst of the sportsmen, who were astonished
+at the sight of such an apparition. Neither was their surprise to be
+wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that presented itself to their
+view. The commodore's person was at all times an object of admiration;
+much more so on this occasion, when every singularity was aggravated by
+the circumstances of his dress and disaster.
+
+He had put on, in honour of his nuptials, his best coat of blue
+broad-cloth, cut by a tailor of Ramsgate, and trimmed with five dozen
+of brass buttons large and small; his breeches were of the same piece,
+fastened at the knees with large bunches of tape; his waistcoat was of
+red plush lappelled with green velvet, and garnished with vellum holes;
+his boots bore an infinite resemblance, both in colour and shape, to a
+pair of leather buckets; his shoulder was graced with a broad buff belt,
+from whence depended a huge hanger with a hilt like that of a backsword;
+and on each side of his pommel appeared a rusty pistol rammed in a case
+covered with a bearskin. The loss of his tie-periwig and laced hat,
+which were curiosities of the kind, did not at all contribute to the
+improvement of the picture, but, on the contrary, by exhibiting his
+bald pate, and the natural extension of his lantern jaws, added to the
+peculiarity and extravagance of the whole.
+
+Such a spectacle could not have failed of diverting the whole company
+from the chase had his horse thought proper to pursue a different route;
+but the beast was too keen a sporter to choose any other way than that
+which the stag followed and therefore, without stopping to gratify
+the curiosity of the spectators, he in a few minutes outstripped every
+hunter in the field. There being a deep hollow betwixt him and the
+hounds, rather than ride round, about the length of a furlong, in a
+path that crossed the lane, he transported himself at one jump, to the
+unspeakable astonishment and terror of a waggoner who chanced to be
+underneath, and saw this phenomenon fly over his carriage. This was not
+the only adventure he achieved. The stag, having taken a deep river
+that lay in his way, every man directed his course to a bridge in
+the neighbourhood; but our bridegroom's courser, despising all such
+conveniences, plunged into the stream without hesitation, and swam in a
+twinkling to the opposite shore. This sudden immersion into an element
+of which Trunnion was properly a native, in all probability helped to
+recruit the exhausted spirits of his rider, at his landing on the other
+side gave some tokens of sensation, by hallooing aloud for assistance,
+which he could not possibly receive, because his horse still maintained
+the advantage he had gained, and would not allow himself to be
+overtaken.
+
+In short, after a long chase that lasted several hours, and extended to
+a dozen miles at least, he was the first in at the death of the deer,
+being seconded by the lieutenant's gelding, which, actuated by the same
+spirit, had, without a rider, followed his companion's example.
+
+Our bridegroom, finding himself at last brought up, or, in other words,
+at the end of his career, took the opportunity of this first pause, to
+desire the huntsmen would lend him a hand in dismounting; and by their
+condescension, safely placed on the grass, where he sat staring at
+the company as they came in, with such wildness of astonishment in his
+looks, as if he had been a creature of another species, dropped among
+them from the clouds.
+
+Before they had fleshed the hounds, however, he recollected himself;
+and, seeing one of the sportsmen take a small flask out of his pocket
+and apply it to his mouth, judged the cordial to be no other than neat
+Cognac, which it really was; and expressing a desire of participation,
+was immediately accommodated with a moderate dose, which perfectly
+completed his recovery.
+
+By this time he and his two horses had engrossed the attention of the
+whole crowd: while some admired the elegant proportion and uncommon
+spirit of the two animals, the rest contemplated the surprising
+appearance of their master, whom before they had only seen en passant;
+and at length, one of the gentlemen, accosting him very courteously,
+signified his wonder at seeing him in such an equipage, and asked if
+he had not dropped his companion by the way. "Why look ye, brother,"
+replied the commodore, "mayhap you think me an odd sort of a fellow,
+seeing me in this trim, especially as I have lost part of my rigging;
+but this here is the case, d'ye see: I weighed anchor from my own house
+this morning, at ten A.M. with fair weather, and a favourable breeze
+at south-south-east, being bound to the next church on the voyage of
+matrimony: but howsomever, we had not run down a quarter of a league,
+when the wind shifting, blowed directly in our teeth; so that we were
+forced to tack all the way, d'ye see, and had almost been up within
+sight of the port, when these sons-of-b--s of horses, which I had
+bought but two days before (for my own part, I believe they are devils
+incarnate), luffed round in a trice, and then, refusing the helm, drove
+away like lightning with me and my lieutenant, who soon came to anchor
+in an exceeding good berth. As for my own part, I have been carried over
+rocks, and quicksands; among which I have pitched away a special good
+tie-periwig, and an iron-bound hat; and at last, thank God! am got into
+smooth water and safe riding; but if ever I venture my carcass upon such
+a hare'um scare'um blood-of-a-b-- again, my name is not Hawser Trunnion,
+d-- my eyes!"
+
+One of the company, struck with this name, which lie had often heard,
+immediately laid hold on his declaration at the close of this singular
+account, and, observing that his horses were very vicious, asked how he
+intended to return. "As for that matter," replied Mr. Trunnion, "I am
+resolved to hire a sledge or waggon, or such a thing as a jackass; for
+I'll be d--d if ever I cross the back of a horse again."--"And what do
+you propose to do with these creatures?" said the other, pointing to the
+hunters; "they seem to have some mettle; but then they are mere colts,
+and will take the devil-and-all of breaking: methinks this hinder one is
+shoulder-slipped."--"D-- them," cried the commodore, "I wish both their
+necks were broke, thof the two cost me forty good yellow-boys.".-"Forty
+guineas!" exclaimed the stranger, who was a squire and a jockey, as well
+as owner of the pack, "Lord! Lord! how a man may be imposed upon!
+Why, these cattle are clumsy enough to go to plough; mind what a flat
+counter; do but observe how sharp this here one is in the withers;
+then he's fired in the further fetlock." In short, this connoisseur
+in horse-flesh, having discovered in them all the defects which can
+possibly be found in this species of animal, offered to give him ten
+guineas for the two, saying he would convert them into beasts of burden.
+The owner, who, after what had happened, was very well disposed to
+listen to anything that was said to their prejudice, implicitly believed
+the truth of the stranger's asseverations, discharged a furious volley
+of oaths against the rascal who had taken him in, and forthwith struck
+a bargain with the squire, who paid him instantly for his purchase; in
+consequence of which he won the plate at the next Canterbury races.
+
+This affair being transacted to the mutual satisfaction of both parties,
+as well as to the general entertainment of the company, who laughed in
+their sleeves at the dexterity of their friend, Trunnion was set upon
+the squire's own horse, and led by his servant in the midst of this
+cavalcade, which proceeded to a neighbouring village, where they had
+bespoke dinner, and where our bridegroom found means to provide himself
+with another hat and wig. With regard to his marriage, he bore his
+disappointment with the temper of a philosopher; and the exercise he had
+undergone having quickened his appetite, sat down at table in the midst
+of his new acquaintance, making a very hearty meal, and moistening
+every morsel with a draught of the ale, which he found very much to his
+satisfaction.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+
+He is found by Lieutenant--Reconducted to his own House--Married to Mrs.
+Grizzle, who meets with a small misfortune in the Night, and asserts her
+Prerogative next Morning, in consequence of which her Husband's Eye is
+endangered.
+
+
+Meanwhile Lieutenant Hatchway made shift to hobble to the church, where
+he informed the company of what had happened to the commodore: and the
+bride behaved with great decency on the occasion; for, as she understood
+the danger to which her future husband was exposed, she fainted in the
+arms of her sister-in-law, to the surprise of all the spectators,
+who could not comprehend the cause of her disorder; and when she was
+recovered by the application of smelling-bottles, earnestly begged that
+Mr. Hatchway and Tom Pipes should take her brother's coach, and go in
+quest of their commander.
+
+This task they readily undertook, being escorted by all the rest of his
+adherents on horseback; while the bride and her friends were invited to
+the parson's horse, and the ceremony deferred till another occasion.
+
+The lieutenant, steering his course as near the line of direction
+in which Trunnion went off, as the coach-road would permit, got
+intelligence of his track from one farm-house to another; for such an
+apparition could not fail of attracting particular notice; and one of
+the horsemen having picked up his hat and wig in a by-path, the whole
+troop entered the village where he was lodged, about four o'clock in the
+afternoon. When they understood he was safely housed at the George, they
+rode up to the door in a body, and expressed their satisfaction in three
+cheers; which were returned by the company within, as soon as they were
+instructed in the nature of the salute by Trunnion, who, by this time,
+had entered into all the jollity of his new friends, and was indeed more
+than half-seas-over. The lieutenant was introduced to all present as his
+sworn brother, and had something tossed up for his dinner. Tom Pipes and
+the crew were regaled in another room; and, a fresh pair of horses being
+put to the coach, about six in the evening the commodore, with all his
+attendants, departed for the garrison, after having shook hands with
+every individual in the house.
+
+Without any further accident, he was conveyed in safety to his own
+gate before nine, and committed to the care of Pipes, who carried him
+instantly to his hammock, while the lieutenant was driven away to the
+place where the bride and her friends remained in great anxiety,
+which vanished when he assured them that his commodore was safe, being
+succeeded by abundance of mirth and pleasantry at the account he gave of
+Trunnion's adventure.
+
+Another day was fixed for the nuptials; and in order to balk the
+curiosity of idle people, which had given great offence, the parson was
+prevailed upon to perform the ceremony in the garrison, which all
+that day was adorned with flags and pendants displayed; and at night
+illuminated, by the direction of Hatchway, who also ordered the
+patereroes to be fired, as soon as the marriage-knot was tied. Neither
+were the other parts of the entertainment neglected by this ingenious
+contriver, who produced undeniable proofs of his elegance and art in
+the wedding-supper, which had been committed to his management and
+direction. This genial banquet was entirely composed of sea-dishes; a
+huge pillaw, consisting of a large piece of beef sliced, a couple of
+fowls, and half a peck of rice, smoked in the middle of the board: a
+dish of hard fish, swimming in oil, appeared at each end; the sides
+being furnished with a mess of that savoury composition known by the
+name of lub's-course, and a plate of salmagundy. The second course
+displayed a goose of a monstrous magnitude, flanked with two
+Guinea-hens, a pig barbacued, a hock of salt pork, in the midst of
+a pease-pudding, a leg of mutton roasted, with potatoes, and another
+boiled, with yams. The third service was made up of a loin of fresh
+pork, with apple-sauce, a kid smothered with onions, and a terrapin
+baked in the shell; and last of all, a prodigious sea-pie was presented,
+with an infinite volume of pancakes and fritters. That everything
+might be answerable to the magnificence of this delicate feast, he had
+provided vast quantifies of strong beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt brandy,
+with plenty of Barbadoes water for the ladies; and hired all the fiddles
+within six miles, which, with the addition of a drum, bagpipe, and Welsh
+harp, regaled the guests with a most melodious concert.
+
+The company, who were not at all exceptions, seemed extremely well
+pleased with every particular of the entertainment; and the evening
+being spent in the most social manner, the bride was by her sister
+conducted to her apartment, where, however, a trifling circumstance had
+like to have destroyed the harmony which had been hitherto maintained.
+
+I have already observed, that there was not one standing bed within the
+walls; therefore the reader will not wonder that Mrs. Trunnion was out
+of humour, when she found herself under the necessity of being confined
+with her spouse in a hammock, which, though enlarged with a double
+portion of canvas, and dilated with a yoke for the occasion, was at
+best but a disagreeable, not to say dangerous situation. She accordingly
+complained with some warmth of this inconvenience, which she imputed
+to disrespect; and, at first, absolutely refused to put up with the
+expedient; but Mrs. Pickle soon brought her to reason and compliance,
+by observing that one night will soon be elapsed, and next day she might
+regulate her own economy.
+
+Thus persuaded, she ventured into the vehicle, and was visited by her
+husband in less than an hour, the company being departed to their own
+homes, and the garrison left to the command of his lieutenant and mate.
+But it seems the hooks that supported this swinging couch were not
+calculated for the addition of weight which they were now destined to
+bear; and therefore gave way in the middle of the night, to the no small
+terror of Mrs. Trunnion, who perceiving herself falling, screamed aloud,
+and by that exclamation brought Hatchway with a light into the chamber.
+Though she had received no injury by the fall, she was extremely
+discomposed and incensed at the accident, which she even openly ascribed
+to the obstinacy and whimsical oddity of the commodore, in such petulant
+terms as evidently declared that she thought her great aim accomplished,
+and her authority secured against all the shocks of fortune. Indeed her
+bedfellow seemed to be of the same opinion, by his tacit resignation;
+for he made no reply to her insinuations, but with a most vinegar
+aspect crawled out of his nest, and betook himself to rest in another
+apartment; while his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, and
+from the wreck of the hammock made an occasional bed for herself on the
+floor, fully determined to provide better accommodation for the next
+night's lodging.
+
+Having no inclination to sleep, her thoughts, during the remaining part
+of the night, were engrossed by a scheme of reformation she was
+resolved to execute in the family; and no sooner did the first lark
+bid salutation to the morn, than, starting from her humble couch, and
+huddling on her clothes, she sallied from her chamber, explored her
+way through paths before unknown, and in the course of her researches
+perceived a large bell, to which she made such effectual application
+as alarmed every soul in the family. In a moment she was surrounded
+by Hatchway, Pipes, and all the rest of the servants half-dressed; but
+seeing none of the feminine gender appear, she began to storm at the
+sloth and laziness of the maids, who, she observed, ought to have been
+at work an hour at least before she called; and then, for the first
+time, understood that no woman was permitted to sleep within the walls.
+
+She did not fail to exclaim against this regulation; and being informed
+that the cook and chambermaid lodged in a small office-house that stood
+without the gate, ordered the drawbridge to be let down, and in person
+beat up their quarters, commanding them forthwith to set about scouring
+the rooms, which had not been hitherto kept in a very decent condition,
+while two men were immediately employed to transport the bed on which
+she used to lie from her brother's house to her new habitation; so that,
+in less than two hours, the whole economy of the garrison was turned
+topsy-turvy, and everything involved in tumult and noise. Trunnion,
+being disturbed and distracted with the uproar, turned out in his shirt
+like a maniac, and, arming himself with a cudgel of crab-tree, made
+an irruption into his wife's apartment, where, perceiving a couple of
+carpenters at work in joining a bedstead, he, with many dreadful oaths
+and opprobrious invectives, ordered them to desist, swearing he would
+suffer no bulkheads nor hurricane-houses to stand where he was master:
+but finding his remonstrances disregarded by these mechanics, who
+believed him to be some madman belonging to the family, who had broken
+from his confinement, he assaulted them both with great fury and
+indignation, and was handled so roughly, in the encounter, that in a
+very short time he measured his length on the floor, in consequence of a
+blow that he received from a hammer by which the sight of his remaining
+eye was grievously endangered.
+
+Having thus reduced him to a state of subjection, they resolved to
+secure him with cords, and were actually busy in adjusting his fetters,
+when he was exempted from the disgrace by the accidental entrance of his
+spouse, who rescued him from the hands of his adversaries, and, in the
+midst of her condolence, imputed his misfortune to the inconsiderate
+roughness of his own disposition.
+
+He breathed nothing but revenge, and made some efforts to chastise the
+insolence of the workmen, who, as soon as they understood his quality,
+asked forgiveness for what they had done with great humility, protesting
+that they did not know he was master of the house. But, far from
+being satisfied with this apology, he groped about for the bell, the
+inflammation of his eye having utterly deprived him of sight; and the
+rope being, by the precaution of the delinquents, conveyed out of his
+reach, began to storm with incredible vociferation, like a lion roaring
+in the toil, pouring forth innumerable oaths and execrations, and
+calling by name Hatchway and Pipes, who, being within hearing, obeyed
+the extraordinary summons, and were ordered to put the carpenters in
+irons, for having audaciously assaulted him in his own house.
+
+His myrmidons, seeing he had been evil-treated, were exasperated at the
+insult he had suffered, which they considered as an affront upon the
+dignity of the garrison; the more so as the mutineers seemed to put
+themselves in a posture of defence and set their authority at defiance;
+they therefore unsheathed their cutlasses, which they commonly wore
+as badges of their commission; and a desperate engagement in all
+probability would have ensued, had not the lady of the castle
+interposed, and prevented the effects of their animosity, by assuring
+the lieutenant that the commodore had been the aggressor, and that the
+workmen, finding themselves attacked in such an extraordinary manner,
+by a person whom they did not know, were obliged to act in their own
+defence, by which he had received that unlucky contusion.
+
+Mr. Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments of Mrs. Trunnion, than,
+sheathing his indignation, he told the commodore he should always
+be ready to execute his lawful commands; but that he could not in
+conscience be concerned in oppressing poor people who had been guilty of
+no offence.
+
+This unexpected declaration, together with the behaviour of his wife,
+who in his hearing desired the carpenters to resume their work, filled
+the breast of Trunnion with rage and mortification. He pulled off his
+woollen night-cap, pummeled his bare pate, beat the floor alternately
+with his feet, swore his people had betrayed him, and cursed himself to
+the lowest pit of hell for having admitted such a cockatrice into his
+family. But all these exclamations did not avail; they were among the
+last essays of his resistance to the will of his wife, whose influence
+among his adherents had already swallowed up his own, and peremptorily
+told him that he must leave the management of everything within-doors to
+her, who understood best what was for his honour and advantage. She then
+ordered a poultice to be prepared for his eye, which being applied, he
+was committed to the care of Pipes, by whom he was led about the house
+like a blind bear growling for prey, while his industrious yoke-fellow
+executed every circumstance of the plan she had projected; so that when
+he recovered his vision he was an utter stranger in his own house.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+
+The Commodore being in some cases restive, his Lady has recourse to
+Artifice in the Establishment of her Throne--She exhibits Symptoms of
+Pregnancy, to the unspeakable joy of Trunnion, who, nevertheless, is
+balked in his expectation.
+
+
+These innovations were not effected without many loud objections on
+his part; and divers curious dialogues passed between him and his
+yoke-fellow, who always came off victorious from the dispute; insomuch,
+that his countenance gradually fell: he began to suppress, and at length
+entirely devoured, his chagrin; the terrors of superior authority were
+plainly perceivable in his features; and in less than three months
+he became a thorough-paced husband. Not that his obstinacy was
+extinguished, though overcome. In some things he was as inflexible and
+mulish as ever; but then he durst not kick so openly, and was reduced
+to the necessity of being passive in his resentments. Mrs. Trunnion, for
+example, proposed that a coach and six should be purchased, as she could
+not ride on horseback, and the chaise was a scandalous carriage for a
+person of her condition. The commodore, conscious of his own inferior
+capacity in point of reasoning, did not think proper to dispute the
+proposal but lent a deaf ear to her repeated remonstrances, though
+they were enforced with every argument which she thought could soothe,
+terrify, shame or decoy him into compliance. In vain did she urge
+the excess of affection she had for him as meriting some return of
+tenderness and condescension: he was even proof against certain menacing
+hints she gave touching the resentment of a slighted woman; and he stood
+out against all the considerations of dignity or disgrace like a bulwark
+of brass. Neither was he moved to any indecent or unkind expressions of
+contradiction, even when she upbraided him with his sordid disposition,
+and put him in mind of the fortune and honour he had acquired by his
+marriage, but seemed to retire within himself, like a tortoise when
+attacked, that shrinks within its shell, and silently endured the
+scourge of her reproaches, without seeming sensible of the smart.
+
+This, however, was the only point in which she had been baffled since
+her nuptials; and as she could by no means digest the miscarriage, she
+tortured her invention for some new plan by which she might augment
+her influence and authority. What her genius refused was supplied by
+accident; for she had not lived four months in the garrison, when
+she was seized with frequent qualms and retchings; in a word, she
+congratulated herself on the symptoms of her own fertility; and the
+commodore was transported with joy at the prospect of an heir of his own
+begetting.
+
+She knew this was the proper season for vindicating her own sovereignty,
+and accordingly employed the means which nature had put in her power.
+There was not a rare piece of furniture or apparel for which she did not
+long; and one day, as she went to church, seeing Lady Stately's equipage
+arrive, she suddenly fainted away. Her husband, whose vanity had never
+been so perfectly gratified as with this promised harvest of his own
+sowing, took the alarm immediately; and in order to prevent relapses of
+that kind, which might be attended with fatal consequence to his hope,
+gave her leave to bespeak a coach, horses, and liveries, to her own
+liking. Thus authorized, she in a very little time exhibited such a
+specimen of her own taste and magnificence as afforded speculation to
+the whole country, and made Trunnion's heart quake within him; because
+he foresaw no limits to her extravagance which also manifested itself in
+the most expensive preparations for her lying-in.
+
+Her pride, which had hitherto regarded the representative of her
+father's house, seemed now to lose all that hereditary respect, and
+prompt her to outshine and undervalue the elder branch of her family.
+She behaved to Mrs. Pickle with a sort of civil reserve that implied a
+conscious superiority; and an emulation in point of grandeur immediately
+commenced between the two sisters. She every day communicated her
+importance to the whole parish, under pretence of taking the air in
+her coach, and endeavoured to extend her acquaintance among people of
+fashion. Nor was this an undertaking attended with great difficulty, for
+all persons whatever capable of maintaining a certain appearance, will
+always find admission into what is called the best company, and be
+rated in point of character according to their own valuation, without
+subjecting their pretensions to the smallest doubt or examination. In
+all her visits and parties she seized every opportunity of declaring her
+present condition, observing that she was forbid by her physicians to
+taste such a pickle, and that such a dish was poison to a woman in her
+way; nay, where she was on a footing of familiarity, she affected to
+make wry faces, and complained that the young rogue began to be very
+unruly, writhing herself into divers contortions, as if she had been
+grievously incommoded by the mettle of this future Trunnion. The husband
+himself did not behave with all the moderation that might have been
+expected. At the club he frequently mentioned this circumstance of his
+own vigour as a pretty successful feat to be performed by an old fellow
+of fifty-five, and confirmed the opinion of his strength by redoubled
+squeezes of the landlord's hand, which never failed of extorting a
+satisfactory certificate of his might. When his companions drank to the
+Hans en kelder, or Jack in the low cellar, he could not help displaying
+an extraordinary complacence of countenance, and signified his intention
+of sending the young dog to sea as soon as he should be able to carry a
+cartridge, in hopes of seeing him an officer before his own death.
+
+This hope helped to console him under the extraordinary expense to
+which he was exposed by the profusion of his wife, especially when he
+considered that his compliance with her prodigality would be limited to
+the expiration of the nine months, of which the best part was by this
+time elapsed: yet, in spite of all this philosophical resignation, her
+fancy sometimes soared to such a ridiculous and intolerable pitch of
+insolence and absurdity, that his temper forsook him, and he could
+not help wishing in secret that her pride might be confounded in the
+dissipation of her most flattering hopes, even though he himself should
+be a principal sufferer by the disappointment. These, however, were no
+other than the suggestions of temporary disgusts, that commonly subsided
+as suddenly as they arose, and never gave the least disturbance to the
+person who inspired them, because he took care to conceal them carefully
+from her knowledge.
+
+Meanwhile she happily advanced in her reckoning, with the promise of a
+favourable issue: the term of her computation expired, and in the middle
+of the night she was visited by certain warnings that seemed to bespeak
+the approach of the critical moment. The commodore got up with great
+alacrity, and called the midwife, who had been several days in the
+house; the gossips were immediately summoned, and the most interesting
+expectations prevailed; but the symptoms of labour gradually vanished,
+and as the matrons sagely observed, this was no more than a false alarm.
+
+Two nights after they received a second intimation, and as she was
+sensibly diminished in the waist, everything was supposed to be in a
+fair way; yet this visitation was not more conclusive than the former;
+her pains wore off in spite of all her endeavours to encourage them,
+and the good women betook themselves to their respective homes, in
+expectation of finding the third attack decisive, alluding to the
+well-known maxim, that "number three is always fortunate." For once,
+however, this apophthegm failed; the next call was altogether as
+ineffectual as the former; and moreover, attended with a phenomenon
+which to them was equally strange and inexplicable: this was no other
+than such a reduction in the size of Mrs. Trunnion as might have been
+expected after the birth of a full-grown child. Startled at such an
+unaccountable event, they sat in close divan; and concluding that
+the case was in all respects unnatural and prodigious, desired that a
+messenger might be immediately despatched for some male practitioner in
+the art of midwifery.
+
+The commodore, without guessing the cause of her perplexity, ordered
+Pipes immediately on this piece of duty, and in less than two hours
+they were assisted by the advice of a surgeon of the neighbourhood,
+who boldly affirmed that the patient had never been with child. This
+asseveration was like a clap of thunder to Mr. Trunnion, who had been,
+during eight whole days and nights, in continual expectation of being
+hailed with the appellation of father.
+
+After some recollection, he swore the surgeon was an ignorant fellow,
+and that he would not take his word for what he advanced, being
+comforted and confirmed in his want of faith by the insinuations of
+the midwife, who still persisted to feed Mrs. Trunnion with hopes of a
+speedy and safe delivery; observing that she had been concerned in many
+a case of the same nature, where a fine child was found, even after all
+signs of the mother's pregnancy had disappeared. Every twig of hope, how
+slender soever it may be, is eagerly caught hold on by people who find
+themselves in danger of being disappointed. To every question proposed
+by her to the lady, with the preambles of "Han't you?" or "Don't you?"
+answer was made in the affirmative, whether agreeable to truth or not,
+because the respondent could not find in her heart to disown any symptom
+that might favour the notion she had so long indulged.
+
+This experienced proficient in the obstetric art was therefore kept in
+close attendance for the space of three weeks, during which the patient
+had several returns of what she pleased herself with believing to be
+labour pains, till at length, she and her husband became the standing
+joke of the parish; and this infatuated couple could scarce be prevailed
+upon to part with their hope, even when she appeared as lank as a
+greyhound, and they were furnished with other unquestionable proofs of
+their having been deceived. But they could not for ever remain under
+the influence of this sweet delusion, which at last faded away, and was
+succeeded by a paroxysm of shame and confusion, that kept the husband
+within-doors for the space of a whole fortnight, and confined his lady
+to her bed for a series of weeks, during which she suffered all the
+anguish of the most intense mortification; yet even this was subdued by
+the lenient hand of time.
+
+The first respite from her chagrin was employed in the strict discharge
+of what are called the duties of religion, which she performed with
+the most rancorous severity, setting on foot a persecution in her own
+family, that made the house too hot for all the menial servants, even
+ruffled the almost invincible indifference of Tom Pipes, harassed the
+commodore himself out of all patience, and spared no individual but
+Lieutenant Hatchway, whom she never ventured to disoblige.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+
+Mrs. Trunnion erects a Tyranny in the Garrison, while her Husband
+conceives an affection for his Nephew Perry, who manifests a peculiarity
+of disposition even in his tender years.
+
+
+Having exercised herself three months in such pious amusements, she
+appeared again in the world; but her misfortune had made such an
+impression on her mind, that she could not bear the sight of a child,
+and trembled whenever conversation happened to turn upon a christening.
+Her temper, which was naturally none of the sweetest, seemed to have
+imbibed a double proportion of souring from her disappointment; of
+consequence, her company was not much coveted, and she found very few
+people disposed to treat her with those marks of consideration which she
+looked upon as her due. This neglect detached her from the society of an
+unmannerly world; she concentrated the energy of all her talents in
+the government of her own house, which groaned accordingly under her
+arbitrary sway; and in the brandy-bottle found ample consolation for all
+the affliction she had undergone.
+
+As for the commodore, he in a little time weathered his disgrace, after
+having sustained many severe jokes from the lieutenant, and now his
+chief aim being to be absent from his own house as much as possible, he
+frequented the public-house more than ever, more assiduously cultivated
+the friendship of his brother-in-law, Mr. Pickle, and in the course of
+their intimacy conceived an affection for his nephew Perry, which did
+not end but with his life. Indeed it must be owned that Trunnion was
+not naturally deficient in the social passions of the soul, which though
+they were strangely warped, disguised, and overborne by the circumstance
+of his boisterous life and education, did not fail to manifest
+themselves occasionally through the whole course of his behaviour.
+
+As all the hopes of propagating his own name had perished, and his
+relations lay under the interdiction of his hate, it is no wonder that
+through the familiarity and friendly intercourse subsisting between him
+and Mr. Gamaliel, he contracted a liking for the boy, who by this time
+entered the third year of his age, and was indeed a very handsome,
+healthy, and promising child; and what seemed to ingratiate him still
+more with his uncle, was a certain oddity of disposition, for which he
+had been remarkable even from his cradle. It is reported of him, that
+before the first year of his infancy was elapsed, he used very often,
+immediately after being dressed, in the midst of the caresses which
+were bestowed upon him by his mother, while she indulged herself in the
+contemplation of her own happiness, all of a sudden to alarm her with
+a fit of shrieks and cries, which continued with great violence till
+he was stripped to the skin with the utmost expedition by order of
+his affrighted parent, who thought his tender body was tortured by the
+misapplication of some unlucky pill; and when he had given them all this
+disturbance and unnecessary trouble, he would he sprawling and laughing
+in their faces, as if he ridiculed the impertinence of their concern.
+Nay, it is affirmed, that one day, when an old woman who attended in the
+nursery had by stealth conveyed a bottle of cordial waters to her mouth,
+he pulled his nurse by the sleeve, by a slight glance detected the
+theft, and tipped her the wink with a particular slyness of countenance,
+as if he had said, with a sneer, "Ay, ay, that is what you must all come
+to." But these instances of reflection in a babe nine months old are
+so incredible, that I look upon them as observations, founded upon
+imaginary recollection, when he was in a more advanced age, and his
+peculiarities of temper became much more remarkable; of a piece with
+the ingenious discoveries of those sagacious observers, who can
+discern something evidently characteristic in the features of any noted
+personage whose character they have previously heard explained. Yet
+without pretending to specify at what period of his childhood this
+singularity first appeared, I can with great truth declare, that when
+he first attracted the notice and affection of his uncle, it was plainly
+perceivable.
+
+One would imagine he had marked out the commodore as a proper object of
+ridicule, for almost all his little childish satire was leveled
+against him. I will not deny that he might have been influenced in this
+particular by the example and instruction of Mr. Hatchway, who delighted
+in superintending the first essays of his genius. As the gout had taken
+up its residence in Mr. Trunnion's great toe, from whence it never
+removed, no not for a day, little Perry took great pleasure in treading
+by accident on this infirm member; and when his uncle, incensed by the
+pain, used to damn him for a hell-begotten brat, he would appease him in
+a twinkling, by returning the curse with equal emphasis, and asking
+what was the matter with old Hannibal Tough? an appellation by which the
+lieutenant had taught him to distinguish this grim commander.
+
+Neither was this the only experiment he tried upon the patience of the
+commodore, with whose nose he used to take indecent freedoms, even.
+while he was fondled on his knee. In one month he put him to the
+expense of two guineas in seal-skin; by picking his pocket of divers
+tobacco-pouches, all of which he in secret committed to the flames. Nor
+did the caprice of his disposition abstain from the favourite beverage
+of Trunnion, who more than once swallowed a whole draught in which
+his brother's snuff-box had been emptied, before he perceived the
+disagreeable infusion; and one day, when the commodore had chastised him
+by a gentle tap with his cane, he fell flat on the floor as if he had
+been deprived of all sense and motion, to the terror and amazement of
+the striker; and after having filled the whole house with confusion and
+dismay, opened his eyes, and laughed heartily at the success of his own
+imposition.
+
+It would be an endless and perhaps no very agreeable task, to enumerate
+all the unlucky pranks he played upon his uncle and others, before he
+attained the fourth year of his age; about which time he was sent, with
+an attendant, to a day-school in the neighbourhood, that (to use his
+good mother's own expression) he might be out of harm's way. Here,
+however, he made little progress, except in mischief, which he practised
+with impunity, because the school-mistress would run no risk of
+disobliging a lady of fortune, by exercising unnecessary severities upon
+her only child. Nevertheless, Mrs. Pickle was not so blindly partial as
+to be pleased with such unseasonable indulgence. Perry was taken out of
+the hands of this courteous teacher, and committed to the instruction
+of a pedagogue, who was ordered to administer such correction as the boy
+should in his opinion deserve. This authority he did not neglect to
+use, his pupil was regularly flogged twice a day; and after having been
+subjected to this course of discipline for the space of eighteen months,
+declared the most obstinate, dull, and untoward genius that ever had
+fallen under his cultivation; instead of being reformed, he seemed
+rather hardened and confirmed in his vicious inclinations, and was dead
+to all sense of fear as well as shame.
+
+His mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms of stupidity, which
+she considered as an inheritance derived from the spirit of his father,
+and consequently insurmountable by all the efforts of human care.
+But the commodore rejoiced over the ruggedness of his nature, and was
+particularly pleased when, upon inquiry, he found that Perry had beaten
+all the boys in the school; a circumstance from which he prognosticated
+everything that was fair and fortunate in his future fate: observing,
+that at his age he himself was just such another. The boy, who was
+now turned of six, having profited so little under the birch of
+his unsparing governor, Mrs. Pickle was counselled to send him to a
+boarding-school not far from London, which was kept by a certain person
+very eminent for his successful method of education. This advice she the
+more readily embraced, because at that time she found herself pretty
+far gone with another child that she hoped would console her for the
+disappointment she had met with in the unpromising talents of Perry,
+or at any rate divide her concern, so as to enable her to endure the
+absence of either.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine is sent to a boarding-school--Becomes remarkable for his
+Genius and Ambition.
+
+
+The commodore, understanding her determination, to which her husband did
+not venture to make the least objection, interested himself so much
+in behalf of his favourite, as to fit him out at his own charge, and
+accompany him in person to the place of his destination; where he
+defrayed the expense of his entrance, and left him to the particular
+care and inspection of the usher, who having been recommended to him
+as a person of parts and integrity, received per advance a handsome
+consideration for the task he undertook.
+
+Nothing could be better judged than this piece of liberality; the
+assistant was actually a man of learning, probity, and good sense; and
+though obliged by the scandalous administration of fortune to act in
+the character of an inferior teacher, had, by his sole capacity and
+application, brought the school to that degree of reputation, which
+it never could have obtained from the talents of its superior. He had
+established an economy, which, though regular, was not at all severe,
+by enacting a body of laws suited to the age and comprehension of every
+individual; and each transgressor was fairly tried by his peers, and
+punished according to the verdict of the jury. No boy was scourged for
+want of apprehension, but a spirit of emulation was raised by well-timed
+praise and artful comparison, and maintained by a distribution of small
+prizes, which were adjudged to those who signalized themselves either by
+their industry, sobriety, or genius.
+
+This tutor, whose name was Jennings, began with Perry, according to his
+constant maxim, by examining the soil; that is, studying his temper,
+in order to consult the bias of his disposition, which was strangely
+perverted by the absurd discipline he had undergone. He found him in a
+state of sullen insensibility, which the child had gradually contracted
+in a long course of stupefying correction; and at first he was not in
+the least actuated by that commendation which animated the rest of
+his school-fellows; nor was it in the power of reproach to excite his
+ambition, which had been buried, as it were, in the grave of disgrace;
+the usher, therefore, had recourse to contemptuous neglect, with
+which he affected to treat this stubborn spirit; foreseeing that if he
+retained any seeds of sentiment, this weather would infallibly raise
+them into vegetation; his judgment was justified by the event; the boy
+in a little time began to make observations; he perceived the marks
+of distinction with which virtue was rewarded, grew ashamed of the
+despicable figure he himself made among his companions, who, far from
+courting, rather shunned his conversation, and actually pined at his own
+want of importance.
+
+Mr. Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortification, which he suffered
+to proceed as far as possible, without endangering his health. The child
+lost all relish for diversion, loathed his food, grew pensive, solitary,
+and was frequently found weeping by himself. These symptoms plainly
+evinced the recovery of his feelings, to which his governor thought it
+now high time to make application; and therefore by little and little
+altered his behaviour from the indifference he had put on, to the
+appearance of more regard and attention. This produced a favourable
+change in the boy, whose eyes sparkled with satisfaction one day, when
+his master expressed himself, with a show of surprise, in these words:
+"So, Perry! I find you don't want genius, when you think proper to
+use it." Such encomiums kindled the spirit of emulation in his little
+breast; he exerted himself with surprising alacrity, by which he soon
+acquitted himself of the imputation of dullness, and obtained sundry
+honorary silver pennies, as acknowledgments of his application; his
+school-fellows now solicited his friendship as eagerly as they had
+avoided it before; and in less than a twelvemonth after his arrival,
+this supposed dunce was remarkable for the brightness of his parts;
+having in that short period learnt to read English perfectly well, made
+great progress in writing, enabled himself to speak the French language
+without hesitation, and acquired some knowledge in the rudiments of
+the Latin tongue. The usher did not fail to transmit an account of
+his proficiency to the commodore, who received it with transport, and
+forthwith communicated the happy tidings to the parents.
+
+Mr. Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subject to violent emotions, heard
+them with a sort of phlegmatic satisfaction, that scarce manifested
+itself either in his countenance or expressions; nor did the child's
+mother break forth into that rapture and admiration which might
+have been expected, when she understood how much the talents of her
+first-born had exceeded the hope of her warmest imagination. Not but
+that she professed herself well pleased with Perry's reputation;
+though she observed that in these commendations the truth was always
+exaggerated by schoolmasters, for their own interest; and pretended to
+wonder that the usher had not mingled more probability with his
+praise. Trunnion was offended at her indifference and want of faith
+and believing that she refined too much in her discernment, swore that
+Jennings had declared the truth, and nothing but the truth; for he
+himself had prophesied, from the beginning, that the boy would turn out
+a credit to his family. But by this time Mrs. Pickle was blessed with
+a daughter, whom she had brought into the world about six months before
+the intelligence arrived; so that her care and affection being otherwise
+engrossed, the praise of Perry was the less greedily devoured. The
+abatement of her fondness was an advantage to his education, which would
+have been retarded, and perhaps ruined, by pernicious indulgence, and
+preposterous interposition, had her love considered him as an only
+child; whereas her concern being now diverted to another object,
+that shared, at least, one-half of her affection, he was left to the
+management of his preceptor, who tutored him according to his own
+plan, without any let or interruption. Indeed all his sagacity and
+circumspection were but barely sufficient to keep the young gentleman
+in order; for now that he had won the palm of victory from his rivals in
+point of scholarship, his ambition dilated, and he was seized with the
+desire of subjecting the whole school by the valour of his arm. Before
+he could bring his project to bear, innumerable battles were fought with
+various success; every day a bloody nose and complaint were presented
+against him, and his own visage commonly bore some livid marks of
+obstinate contention. At length, however, he accomplished his aim; his
+adversaries were subdued, his prowess acknowledged, and he obtained the
+laurel in war as well is in wit. Thus triumphant, he was intoxicated
+with success: his pride rose in proportion to his power and, in spite
+of all the endeavours of Jennings, who practised every method he could
+invent for curbing his licentious conduct, without depressing his
+spirit, he contracted a large proportion of insolence, which series of
+misfortunes that happened to him in the sequel could scarce effectually
+tame. Nevertheless there was a fund of good nature and generosity in his
+composition; and though he established a tyranny among his comrades, the
+tranquility of his reign was maintained by the love rather than by the
+fear of his subjects.
+
+In the midst of all this enjoyment of empire he never once violated that
+respectful awe with which the usher had found means to inspire him; but
+he by no means preserved the same regard for the principal master, an
+old illiterate German quack, who had formerly practised corn-cutting
+among the quality, and sold cosmetic washes to the ladies, together with
+teeth-powders, hair-dyeing liquors, prolific elixirs, and tinctures to
+sweeten the breath. These nostrums, recommended by the art of cringing,
+in which he was consummate, ingratiated him so much with people of
+fashion, that he was enabled to set up school with five-and-twenty boys
+of the best families, whom he boarded on his own terms and undertook to
+instruct in the French and Latin languages, so as to qualify them
+for the colleges of Westminster and Eton. While this plan was in its
+infancy, he was so fortunate as to meet with Jennings, who, for the
+paltry consideration of thirty pounds a year, which his necessities
+compelled him to accept, took the whole trouble of educating the
+children upon himself, contrived an excellent system for that purpose,
+and, by his assiduity and knowledge, executed all the particulars to the
+entire satisfaction of those concerned, who, by the bye, never inquired
+into his qualifications, but suffered the other to enjoy the fruits of
+his labour and ingenuity.
+
+Over and above a large stock of avarice, ignorance, and vanity, this
+superior had certain ridiculous peculiarities in his person, such as
+a hunch upon his back, and distorted limbs, that seemed to attract the
+satirical notice of Peregrine, who, young as he was, took offence at
+his want of reverence for his usher, over whom he sometimes chose
+opportunities of displaying his authority, that the boys might not
+misplace their veneration. Mr. Keypstick, therefore, such as I
+have described him, incurred the contempt and displeasure of this
+enterprising pupil, who now being in the tenth year of his age, had
+capacity enough to give him abundance of vexation. He underwent many
+mortifying jokes front the invention of Pickle and his confederates; so
+that he began to entertain suspicion of Mr. Jennings, who he could
+not help thinking had been at the bottom of them all, and spirited up
+principles of rebellion in the school, with a view of making himself
+independent. Possessed with this chimera, which was void of all
+foundation, the German descended so low as to tamper in private with the
+boys, from whom he hoped to draw some very important discovery; but he
+was disappointed in his expectations; and this mean practice reaching
+the ears of his usher, he voluntarily resigned his employment. Finding
+interest to obtain holy orders in a little time after, he left
+the kingdom, hoping to find a settlement in some of our American
+plantations.
+
+The departure of Mr. Jennings produced a great revolution in the affairs
+of Keypstick, which declined from that moment, because he had neither
+authority to enforce obedience, nor prudence to maintain order among his
+scholars: so that the school degenerated into anarchy and confusion, and
+he himself dwindled in the opinion of his employers, who looked upon him
+as superannuated, and withdrew their children front his tuition.
+
+Peregrine seeing this dissolution of their society, and finding himself
+every day deprived of some companion, began to repine at his situation,
+and resolved, if possible, to procure his release from the jurisdiction
+of the person whom he both detested and despised. With this view he went
+to work, and composed the following billet, addressed to the commodore,
+which was the first specimen of his composition in the epistolary way:--
+
+    "Honoured and Loving Uncle,--Hoping you are in good health,
+    this serves to inform you, that Mr. Jennings is gone, and
+    Mr. Keypstick will never meet with his fellow. The school
+    is already almost broke up, and the rest daily going away;
+    and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away also,
+    for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who is a perfect
+    ignoramus, who scarce knows the declination of musa, and is
+    more fit to be a scarecrow than a schoolmaster; hoping you
+    will send for me soon, with my love to my aunt, and my duty
+    to my honoured parents, craving their blessing and yours. And
+    this is all at present from, honoured uncle, your well-beloved
+    and dutiful nephew and godson, and humble servant to command
+    till death,
+                             "Peregrine Pickle."
+
+
+Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this letter, which he looked
+upon as one of the greatest efforts of human genius, and as such
+communicated the contents to his lady, whom he had disturbed for the
+purpose in the middle of her devotion, by sending a message to her
+closet, whither it was her custom very frequently to retire. She was
+out of humour at being interrupted, and therefore did not peruse this
+specimen of her nephew's understanding with all the relish that the
+commodore himself had enjoyed; on the contrary, after sundry paralytical
+endeavours to speak (for her tongue sometimes refused its office), she
+observed that the boy was a pert jackanapes, and deserved to be severely
+chastised for treating his betters with such disrespect. Her husband
+undertook his godson's defence, representing with great warmth that he
+knew Keypstick to be a good-for-nothing pimping old rascal, and that
+Perry showed a great deal of spirit and good sense in desiring to be
+taken from under his command; he therefore declared that the boy
+should not live a week longer with such a shambling son of a b--, and
+sanctioned this declaration with abundance of oaths.
+
+Mrs. Trunnion, composing her countenance into a look of religions
+demureness, rebuked him for his profane way of talking; and asked, in
+a magisterial tone, if he intended never to lay aside that brutal
+behaviour. Irritated at this reproach, he answered, in terms of
+indignation, that he knew how to behave himself as well as e'er a woman
+that wore a head, bade her mind her affairs, and with another repetition
+of oaths gave her to understand that he would be master in his own
+house.
+
+The insinuation operated upon her spirits like friction upon a glass
+globe: her face gleamed with resentment, and every pore seemed to emit
+particles of flame. She replied with incredible fluency of the bitterest
+expressions: he retorted equal rage in broken hints and incoherent
+imprecations: she rejoined with redoubled fury; and in conclusion he was
+fain to betake himself to flight, ejaculating curses against her; and
+muttering something concerning the brandy-bottle, which, however, he
+took care should never reach her ears.
+
+From his own house he went directly to visit Mrs. Pickle, to whom
+he imparted Peregrine's epistle, with many encomiums upon the boy's
+promising parts: and, finding his commendations but coolly received,
+desired she would permit him to take his godson under his own care.
+
+This lady, whose family was now increased by another son, who seemed to
+engross her care for the present, had not seen Perry during a course
+of four years, and, with regard to him, was perfectly weaned of
+that infirmity known by the name of maternal fondness: she therefore
+consented to the commodore's request with great condescension, and a
+polite compliment to him on the concern he had all along manifested for
+the welfare of the child.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+
+The Commodore takes Peregrine under his own care--The Boy arrives at
+the Garrison--Is strangely received by his own Mother--Enters into a
+Confederacy with Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a couple of waggish
+Enterprises upon his Aunt.
+
+
+Trunnion having obtained this permission, that very afternoon despatched
+the lieutenant in a post-chaise to Keypstick's house, from whence in two
+days he returned with our young hero, who being now in the eleventh
+year of his age, had outgrown the expectation of all his family, and was
+remarkable for the beauty and elegance of his person. His godfather was
+transported at his arrival, as if he had been actually the issue of
+his own loins: he shook him heartily by the hand, turned him round and
+round, surveyed him from top to bottom, bade Hatchway take notice how
+handsomely he was built; and squeezed his hand again, saying,--"D-- ye,
+you dog, I suppose you don't value such an old crazy son of a b-- as me
+a rope's end. You have forgot how I was wont to dandle you on my knee,
+when you was a little urchin no bigger than a davit, and played a
+thousand tricks upon me, burning my 'bacco-pouches and poisoning my
+rumbo. O! d-- ye, you can grin fast enough I see; I warrant you have
+learnt more things than writing and the Latin lingo."
+
+Even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satisfaction on this joyful occasion;
+and, coming up to Perry, thrust forth his fore paw, and accosted him
+with the salutation of "What cheer, my young master? I am glad to see
+thee with all my heart." These compliments being passed, his uncle
+halted to the door of his wife's chamber, at which he stood hallooing,
+"Here's your kinsman, Perry: belike you won't come and bid him
+welcome."--"Lord, Mr. Trunnion," said she, "why will you continually
+harass me in this manner with your impertinent intrusion?"-"I harrow
+you!" replied the commodore: "'sblood! I believe your upper works are
+damaged: I only came to inform you that here was your cousin, whom you
+have not seen these four long years; and I'll be d--d if there is such
+another of his age within the king's dominions, d'ye see, either for
+make or mettle: he's a credit to the name, d'ye see: but, d-- my eyes,
+I'll say no more of the matter: if you come, you may; if you won't,
+you may let it alone."--"Well, I won't come, then," answered his
+yoke-fellow, "for I am at present more agreeably employed."--"Oho!
+you are. I believe so too," cried the commodore, making wry faces and
+mimicking the action of dram-drinking. Then, addressing himself to
+Hatchway, "Prithee, Jack," said he, "go and try thy skill on that
+stubborn hulk: if anybody can bring her about, I know you wool."
+
+The lieutenant accordingly, taking his station at the door, conveyed
+his persuasion in these words: "What, won't you turn out and hail little
+Perry? It will do your heart good to see such a handsome young dog; I'm
+sure he is the very moral of you, and as like as if he had been spit out
+of your own mouth, as the saying is: do show a little respect for your
+kinsman, can't you?" To this remonstrance she replied, in a mild tone of
+voice, "Dear Mr. Hatchway, you are always teasing one in such a manner:
+sure I am, nobody can tax me with unkindness, or want of natural
+affection." So saying, she opened the door, and, advancing to the hall
+where her nephew stood, received him very graciously and observed that
+he was the very image of her papa.
+
+In the afternoon he was conducted by the commodore to the house of his
+parents; and, strange to tell, no sooner was he presented to his mother,
+than her countenance changed, she eyed him with tokens of affliction and
+surprise, and, bursting into tears, exclaimed her child was dead, and
+this was no other than an impostor whom they had brought to defraud her
+sorrow. Trunnion was confounded at this unaccountable passion, which had
+no other foundation than caprice and whim; and Gamaliel himself was so
+disconcerted and unsettled in his own belief, which began to waver,
+that he knew not how to behave towards the boy, whom his godfather
+immediately carried back to the garrison, swearing all the way that
+Perry should never cross their threshold again with his good-will. Nay,
+so much was he incensed at this unnatural and absurd renunciation, that
+he refused to carry on any further correspondence with Pickle, until he
+was appeased by his solicitations and submission, and Peregrine owned as
+his son and heir. But this acknowledgment was made without the privity
+of his wife, whose vicious aversion he was obliged, in appearance, to
+adopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, the young gentleman was left
+entirely to the disposal of the commodore, whose affection for him daily
+increased, insomuch that he could scarcely prevail upon himself to
+part with him, when his education absolutely required that he should be
+otherwise disposed of.
+
+In all probability, this extraordinary attachment was, if not produced,
+at least riveted by that peculiar turn in Peregrine's imagination, which
+we have already observed; and which, during his residence in the castle,
+appeared in sundry stratagems he practised upon his uncle and aunt,
+under the auspices of Mr. Hatchway who assisted him in the contrivance
+and execution of all his schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a share in
+their undertakings; for, being a trusty fellow, not without dexterity
+in some cases, and altogether resigned to their will, they found him a
+serviceable instrument for their purpose, and used him accordingly.
+
+The first sample of their art was exhibited upon Mrs. Trunnion. They
+terrified that good lady with strange noises when she retired to her
+devotion. Pipes was a natural genius in the composition of discords: he
+could imitate the sound produced by the winding of a jack, the filing
+of a saw, and the swinging of a malefactor hanging in chains; he could
+counterfeit the braying of an ass, the screeching of a night-owl, the
+caterwauling of cats, the howling of a dog, the squeaking of a pig,
+the crowing of a cock; and he had learned the war-whoop uttered by the
+Indians in North America. These talents were exerted successively,
+at different times and places, to the terror of Mrs. Trunnion, the
+discomposure of the commodore himself, and the consternation of all
+the servants in the castle. Peregrine, with a sheet over his clothes,
+sometimes tumbled before his aunt in the twilight, when her organs of
+vision were a little impaired by the cordial she had swallowed; and the
+boatswain's mate taught him to shoe cats with walnut-shells, so that
+they made a most dreadful clattering in their nocturnal excursions.
+
+The mind of Mrs. Trunnion was not a little disturbed by these alarms,
+which, in her opinion, portended the death of some principal person in
+the family; she redoubled her religious exercises, and fortified her
+spirits with fresh potations; nay, she began to take notice that Mr.
+Trunnion's constitution was very much broken, and seemed dissatisfied
+when people observed that they never saw him look better. Her frequent
+visits to the closet, where all her consolation was deposited, inspired
+the confederates with a device which had like to have been attended with
+tragical consequences. They found an opportunity to infuse jalap in one
+of her case-bottles; and she took so largely of this medicine, that her
+constitution had well nigh sunk under the violence of its effect. She
+suffered a succession of fainting fits that reduced her to the brink
+of the grave, in spite of all the remedies that were administered by a
+physician, who was called in the beginning of her disorder.
+
+After having examined the symptoms, he declared that the patient had
+been poisoned with arsenic, and prescribed only draughts and lubricating
+injections, to defend the coats of the stomach and intestines from
+the vellicating particles of that pernicious mineral; at the same time
+hinting, with a look of infinite sagacity, that it was not difficult to
+divine the whole mystery. He affected to deplore the poor lady, as if
+she was exposed to more attempts of the same nature; thereby glancing
+obliquely at the innocent commodore, whom the officious son of
+Aesculapius suspected as the author of this expedient, to rid his hands
+of a yoke-fellow for whom he was well known to have no great devotion.
+This impertinent and malicious insinuation made some impression upon the
+bystanders, and furnished ample field for slander to asperse the morals
+of Trunnion, who was represented through the whole district as a monster
+of barbarity. Nay, the sufferer herself, though she behaved with great
+decency and prudence, could not help entertaining some small diffidence
+of her husband; not that she imagined he had any design upon her life,
+but that he had been at pains to adulterate the brandy with a view of
+detaching her from that favourite liquor.
+
+On this supposition, she resolved to act with more caution for the
+future, without setting on foot any inquiry about the affair; while the
+commodore, imputing her indisposition to some natural cause, after the
+danger was past, never bestowed a thought upon the subject; so that the
+perpetrators were quit of their fear, which, however, had punished them
+so effectually, that they never would hazard any more jokes of the same
+nature.
+
+The shafts of their wit were now directed against the commander himself,
+whom they teased and terrified almost out of his senses. One day, while
+he was at dinner, Pipes came and told him that there was a person
+below that wanted to speak with him immediately, about an affair of the
+greatest importance, that would admit of no delay; upon which he ordered
+the stranger to be told that he was engaged, and that he must send up
+his name and business. To this demand he received for answer a message
+importing that the person's name was unknown to him, and his business
+of such a nature, that it could not be disclosed to any one but the
+commodore himself, whom he earnestly desired to see without loss of
+time.
+
+Trunnion, surprised at this importunity, got up with great reluctance,
+in the middle of his meal, and descending to a parlour where the
+stranger was, asked him, in a surly tone, what he wanted with him in
+such a d--d hurry, that he could not wait till he had made an end of his
+mess? The other, not at all disconcerted at this rough address, advanced
+close up to him on his tiptoes, and, with a look of confidence and
+conceit, laying his mouth to one side of the commodore's head, whispered
+softly in his car, "Sir, I am the attorney whom you wanted to converse
+with in private."--"The attorney?" cried Trunnion, staring, and
+half-choked with choler. "Yes, sir, at your service," replied this
+retainer of the law; "and, if you please, the sooner we despatch the
+affair the better; for 'tis an old observation, that delay breeds
+danger."--"Truly, brother," said the commodore, who could no longer
+contain himself, "I do confess that I am very much of your way of
+thinking, d'ye see, and therefore you shall be despatched in a trice."
+So saying, he lifted up his walking-staff, which was something between
+a crutch and a cudgel, and discharged it with such energy on the seat of
+the attorney's understanding, that if there had been anything but solid
+bone, the contents of his skull must have been evacuated.
+
+Fortified as he was by nature against all such assaults, he could not
+withstand the momentum of the blow, which in an instant laid him flat
+on the floor, deprived of all sense and motion; and Trunnion hopped
+upstairs to dinner, applauding himself in ejaculations all the way for
+the vengeance he had taken on such an impudent pettifogging miscreant.
+
+The attorney no sooner awaked from his trance, into which he had been so
+unexpectedly killed, than he cast his eyes around in quest of evidence,
+by which he might be enabled the more easily to prove the injury he had
+sustained, but not a soul appearing, he made shift to get upon his legs
+again, and, with the blood trickling over his nose, followed one of the
+servants into the dining-room, resolved to come to an explanation with
+the assailant, and either extort money from him by way of satisfaction,
+or provoke him to a second application before witnesses. With this
+view, he entered the room in a peal of clamour, to the amazement of all
+present, and the terror of Mrs. Trunnion, who shrieked at the appearance
+of such a spectacle; and addressing himself to the commodore, "I'll
+tell you what, sir," said he; "if there be law in England, I'll make you
+smart for this here assault." You think you have screened yourself from
+a prosecution by sending all your servants out of the way; but that
+circumstance will appear upon trial to be a plain proof of the malice
+prepense with which the fact was committed; especially when corroborated
+by the evidence of this here letter, under your own hand, whereby I am
+desired to come to your own house to transact an affair of consequence.
+So he produced the writing, and read the contents in these words:--
+
+                 "Mr. Roger Ravine.
+    Sir,--Being in a manner prisoner in my own house, I desire
+    you will give me a call precisely at three o'clock in the
+    afternoon, and insist upon seeing myself, as I have an affair
+    of great consequence, in which your particular advice is
+    wanted by your humble servant,
+                                   "Hawser Trunnion."
+
+
+The one-eyed commander, who had been satisfied with the chastisement he
+had already bestowed upon the plaintiff, hearing him read this audacious
+piece of forgery, which he considered as the effect of his own villainy,
+started up from table, and seizing a huge turkey that lay in a dish
+before him, would have applied it, sauce and all, by way of poultice, to
+his wound, had he not been restrained by Hatchway, who laid fast hold on
+both his arms, and fixed him to his chair again, advising the attorney
+to sheer off with what he had got. Far from following this salutary
+counsel, he redoubled his threats: set Trunnion at defiance, telling him
+he not a man of true courage, although he had commanded a ship of war,
+or else he would not have attacked any person in such a cowardly and
+clandestine manner. This provocation would have answered his purpose
+effectually, had not his adversary's indignation been repressed by the
+suggestions of the lieutenant, who desired his friend, in a whisper, to
+be easy, for he would take care to have the attorney tossed in a
+blanket for his presumption. This proposal, which he received with
+great approbation, pacified him in a moment: he wiped the sweat from his
+forehead, and his features relaxed into a grim smile.
+
+Hatchway disappeared; and Ravine proceeded with great fluency of abuse,
+until he was interrupted by the arrival of Pipes, who, without any
+expostulation, led him out by the hand, and conducted him to the yard,
+where he was put into a carpet, and in a twinkling sent into the air by
+the strength and dexterity of five stout operators, whom the lieutenant
+had selected from the number of domestics for that singular spell of
+duty.
+
+In vain did the astonished vaulter beg, for the love of God, that they
+would take pity upon him, and put an end to his involuntary gambols:
+they were deaf to his prayers and protestations, even when he swore,
+in the most solemn manner, that if they would cease tormenting him, he
+would forget and forgive what was past, and depart in peace to his own
+habitation; and continued the game till they were fatigued with the
+exercise.
+
+Ravine being dismissed in a most melancholy plight, brought an action
+of assault and battery against the commodore, and subpoenaed all the
+servants as evidences in the cause; but as none of them had seen what
+happened, he did not find his account in the prosecution, though he
+himself examined all the witnesses, and, among their questions, asked,
+whether they had not seen him come in like another man? and whether they
+had ever seen any other man in such condition as that in which he
+had crawled off. But this last interrogation they were not obliged
+to answer, because it had reference to the second discipline he bad
+undergone, in which they, and they only, were concerned; and no person
+is bound to give testimony against himself.
+
+In short, the attorney was nonsuited, to the satisfaction of all who
+knew him, and found himself under the necessity of proving that he had
+received, in course of post, the letter which was declared in court a
+scandalous forgery, in order to prevent an indictment with which he was
+threatened by the commodore, who little dreamt that the whole affair had
+been planned and executed by Peregrine and his associates.
+
+The next enterprise in which this triumvirate engaged, was a scheme to
+frighten Trunnion with an apparition, which they prepared and exhibited
+in this manner: to the hide of a large ox, Pipes fitted a leathern vizor
+of a most terrible appearance, stretched on the jaws of a shark, which
+he had brought from sea, and accommodated with a couple of broad glasses
+instead of eyes. On the inside of these he placed two rushlights, and,
+with a composition of sulphur and saltpetre, made a pretty large fusee,
+which he fixed between two rows of the teeth. This equipage being
+finished, he, one dark night chosen for the purpose, put it on, and,
+following the commodore into a long passage, in which he was preceded by
+Perry with a light in his hand, kindled his firework with a match, and
+began to bellow like a bull. The boy, as it was concerted, looked behind
+him, screamed aloud, and dropped the light, which was extinguished
+in the fall; when Trunnion, alarmed at his nephew's consternation,
+exclaimed, "Zounds! what's the matter?" and turning about to see the
+cause of his dismay, beheld a hideous phantom vomiting blue flame, which
+aggravated the horrors of its aspect. He was instantly seized with an
+agony of fear, which divested him of his reason: nevertheless, he, as it
+were mechanically, raised his trusty supporter in his own defence,
+and, the apparition advancing towards him, aimed it at this dreadful
+annoyance with such a convulsive exertion of strength, that had not the
+blow chanced to light upon one of the horns Mr. Pipes would have had no
+cause to value himself upon his invention. Misapplied as it was, he did
+not fail to stagger at the shock; and, dreading another such salutation,
+closed with the commodore, and having tripped up his heels, retreated
+with great expedition.
+
+It was then that Peregrine, pretending to recollect himself a little,
+ran, with all the marks of disturbance and affright, and called up the
+servants to the assistance of their master, whom they found in a cold
+sweat upon the floor, his features betokening horror and confusion.
+Hatchway raised him up, and having comforted him with a cup of Nantz,
+began to inquire into the cause of his disorder: but he could not
+extract one word of answer from his friend, who, after a considerable
+pause, during which he seemed to be wrapt in profound contemplation,
+pronounced aloud, "By the Lord! Jack, you may say what you wool; but
+I'll be d-- if it was not Davy Jones himself. I know him by his saucer
+eyes, his three rows of teeth, his horns and tail, and the blue smoke
+that came out of his nostrils. What does the blackguard hell's baby
+want with me? I'm sure I never committed murder, except in the way of my
+profession, nor wronged any man whatsomever since I first went to sea."
+This same Davy Jones, according to the mythology of sailors, is the
+fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of the deep, and is
+often seen in various shapes, perching among the rigging on the eve of
+hurricanes, shipwrecks, and other disasters, to which a seafaring life
+is exposed; warning the devoted wretch of death and woe. No wonder then
+that Trunnion was disturbed by a supposed visit of this demon, which, in
+his opinion, foreboded some dreadful calamity.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+
+He is also, by their device, engaged in an Adventure with the Exciseman,
+who does not find his Account in his own Drollery.
+
+
+Howsomever preposterous and unaccountable that passion may be which
+prompts persons, otherwise generous and sympathizing, to afflict
+and perplex their fellow-creatures, certain it is, our confederates
+entertained such a large proportion of it, that not satisfied with the
+pranks they had already played, they still persecuted the commodore
+without ceasing. In the course of his own history, the particulars of
+which he delighted to recount, he had often rehearsed an adventure of
+deer-stealing, in which, during the unthinking impetuosity of his
+youth, he had been unfortunately concerned. Far from succeeding in that
+achievement, he and his associates had, it seems, been made prisoners,
+after an obstinate engagement with the keepers, and carried before
+a neighbouring justice of the peace, who used Trunnion with great
+indignity, and with his companions committed him to jail.
+
+His own relations, and in particular an uncle on whom he chiefly
+depended, treated him during his confinement with great rigour and
+inhumanity and absolutely refused to interpose his influence in his
+behalf, unless he would sign a writing, obliging himself to go to
+sea within thirty days after his release, under the penalty of being
+proceeded against as a felon. The alternative was, either to undergo
+this voluntary exile, or remain in prison disowned and deserted by
+everybody, and, after all, suffer an ignominious trial, that might end
+in a sentence of transportation for life. He therefore, without much
+hesitation, embraced the proposal of his kinsman, and, as he observed,
+was, in less than a month after his discharge, turned adrift to the
+mercy of the wind and waves.
+
+Since that period he had never maintained any correspondence with his
+relations, all of whom had concurred in sending him off; nor would he
+ever pay the least regard to the humiliations and supplications of some
+among them, who had prostrated themselves before him, on the advancement
+of his fortune: but he retained a most inveterate resentment against
+his uncle, who was still in being, though extremely old and infirm, and
+frequently mentioned his name with all the bitterness of revenge.
+
+Perry being perfectly well acquainted with the particulars of this
+story, which he had heard so often repeated, proposed to Hatchway that
+a person should be hired to introduce himself to the commodore, with a
+supposititious letter of recommendation from this detested kinsman; an
+imposition that, in all likelihood, would afford abundance of diversion.
+
+The lieutenant relished the scheme and young Pickle having composed an
+epistle for the occasion, the exciseman of the parish, a fellow of great
+impudence and some humour, in whom Hatchway could confide, undertook to
+transcribe and deliver it with his own hand, and also personate the
+man in whose favour it was feigned to be written. He, accordingly, one
+morning arrived on horseback at the garrison, two hours at least
+before Trunnion used to get up, and gave Pipes, who admitted him, to
+understand, that he had a letter from his master, which he was ordered
+to deliver to none but the commodore himself. This message was no sooner
+communicated, than the indignant chief (who had been waked for the
+purpose) began to curse the messenger for breaking his rest, and swore
+he would not budge till his usual time of turning out. This resolution
+being conveyed to the stranger, he desired the carrier to go back and
+tell him, he had such joyful tidings to impart, that he was sure the
+commodore would think himself amply rewarded for his trouble, even if he
+had been raised from the grave to receive them.
+
+This assurance, flattering as it was, would not have been powerful
+enough to persuade him, had it not been assisted with the exhortations
+of his spouse, which never failed to influence his conduct. He therefore
+crept out of bed, though not without great repugnance; and wrapping
+himself in his morning gown, was supported down-stairs, rubbing his eye,
+yawning fearfully, and grumbling in the way. As soon as he popped his
+head into the parlour, the supposed stranger made divers awkward bows,
+and with a grinning aspect accosted him in these words: "Your most
+humble servant, most noble commodore! I hope you are in good health; you
+look pure and hearty; and if it was not for that misfortune of your eye,
+one would not desire to see a more pleasant countenance in a summer's
+day. Sure as I am a living soul, one would take you to be on this side
+of threescore. Lord help us, I should have known you to be a Trunnion,
+if I had met with one in the midst of Salisbury Plain, as the saying
+is."
+
+The commodore, who was not at all in the humour of relishing such an
+impertinent preamble, interrupted him in this place, saying, with a
+peevish accent, "Pshaw! pshaw! brother, there's no occasion to bowse out
+so much unnecessary gun; if you can't bring your discourse to bear on
+the right subject, you had much better clap a stopper on your tongue,
+and bring yourself up, d'ye see; I was told you had something to
+deliver."--"Deliver!" cried the waggish impostor, "odds heart! I have
+got something for you that will make your very entrails rejoice within
+your body. Here's a letter from a dear and worthy friend of yours. Take,
+read it, and be happy. Blessings on his old heart! one would think he
+had renewed his age, like the eagle's." Trunnion's expectation being
+thus raised, he called for his spectacles, adjusted them to his eye,
+took the letter, and being curious to know the subscription, no sooner
+perceived his uncle's name, then he started back, his lip quivered, and
+he began to shake in every limb with resentment and surprise; eager
+to know the subject of an epistle from a person who had never before
+troubled him with any sort of address, he endeavoured to recollect
+himself, and perused the contents, which were these;--
+
+    "Loving Nephew,--I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to
+    hear of my welfare; and well you may, considering what a
+    kind uncle I have been to you in the days of your youth, and
+    how little you deserved any such thing; for yet, was always
+    a graceless young man, given to wicked courses and bad company,
+    whereby you would have come to a shameful end, had it not been
+    for my care in sending you out of mischief's way. But this is
+    not the cause of my present writing. The bearer, Mr. Timothy
+    Trickle, is a distant relation of yours, being the son of the
+    cousin of your aunt Margery, and is not over and above well as
+    to worldly matters. He thinks of going to London, to see for
+    some post in the excise or customs if so be that you will
+    recommend him to some great man of your acquaintance, and give
+    him a small matter to keep him till he is provided. I doubt not,
+    nephew, but you will be glad to serve him, if it was no more
+    but for the respect you bear to me, who am,--Loving nephew,
+    your affectionate uncle, and servant to command,
+                                          "Tobiah Trunnion."
+
+
+It would be a difficult task for the inimitable Hogarth himself to
+exhibit the ludicrous expression of the commodore's countenance while
+he read this letter. It was not a stare of astonishment, a convulsion
+of rage, or a ghastly grin of revenge; but an association of all three,
+that took possession of his features. At length, he hawked up, with
+incredible straining, the interjection, "Ah!" that seemed to have stuck
+some time in his windpipe; and thus gave vent to his indignation: "Have
+I come alongside of you at last, you old stinking curmudgeon? You lie,
+you lousy hulk! ye lie! you did all in your power to founder me when I
+was a stripling; and as for being graceless and wicked, and keeping
+bad company, you tell a d--d lie again, you thief! there was not a more
+peaceable lad in the county, and I kept no bad company but your own,
+d'ye see. Therefore, you Trickle, or what's your name, tell the old
+rascal that sent you hither, that I spit in his face, and call him
+horse; that I tear his letter into rags, so; and that I trample upon
+it as I would upon his own villainous carcase, d'ye see." So saying, he
+danced in a sort of frenzy upon the fragments of the paper, which he
+had scattered about the room, to the inexpressible satisfaction of the
+triumvirate, who beheld the scene.
+
+The exciseman having got between him and the door, which was left open
+for his escape, in case of necessity, affected great confusion and
+surprise at his behaviour, saying, with an air of mortification, "Lord
+be merciful unto me! is this the way you treat your own relations, and
+the recommendation of your best friend? Surely all gratitude and virtue
+has left this sinful world! What will cousin Tim, and Dick, and Tom,
+and good mother Pipkin; and her daughters cousin Sue, and Prue, and
+Peg, with all the rest of our kinsfolks, say, when they hear of this
+unconscionable reception that I have met with? Consider, sir, that
+ingratitude is worse than the sin of witchcraft, as the Apostle wisely
+observes; and do not send me away with such unchristian usage, which
+will lay a heavy load of guilt upon your poor miserable soul."--"What,
+you are on a cruise for a post, brother Trickle, an't ye?" said
+Trunnion, interrupting him, "we shall find a post for you in a trice,
+my boy. Here, Pipes, take this saucy son of a b-- and help him to the
+whipping-post in the yard. I'll teach you to rouse me in the morning
+with such impertinent messages."
+
+Pipes, who wanted to carry the joke farther than the exciseman dreamt
+of, laid hold of him in a twinkling, and executed the orders of his
+commander, notwithstanding all his nods, winking, and significant
+gestures, which the boatswain's mate would by no means understand; so
+that he began to repent of the part he acted in this performance, which
+was like to end so tragically; and stood fastened to the stake, in a
+very disagreeable state of suspense; casting many a rueful look over his
+left shoulder, while Pipes was absent in quest of a cat-o'-nine-tails,
+in expectation of being relieved by the interposition of the lieutenant,
+who did not, however, appear. Tom, returning with the instrument of
+correction, undressed the delinquent in a trice, and whispering in his
+ear, that he was very sorry for being employed in such an office, but
+durst not for his soul disobey the orders of his commander, flourished
+the scourge about his head, and with admirable dexterity made such a
+smarting application to the offender's back and shoulders, that the
+distracted gauger performed sundry new cuts with his feet, and bellowed
+hideously with pain, to the infinite satisfaction of the spectators. At
+length, when he was almost flayed from his rump to the nape of his neck,
+Hatchway, who had purposely absented himself hitherto, appeared in the
+yard, and interposing in his behalf, prevailed upon Trunnion to call off
+the executioner, and ordered the malefactor to be released.
+
+The exciseman, mad with the catastrophe he had undergone, threatened
+to be revenged upon his employers, by making a candid confession of
+the whole plot; but the lieutenant giving him to understand, that in so
+doing, he would bring upon himself a prosecution for fraud, forgery, and
+imposture, he was fain to put up with his loss; and sneaked out of the
+garrison, attended with a volley of curses discharged upon him by
+the commodore, who was exceedingly irritated by the disturbance and
+disappointment he had undergone.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+
+The Commodore detects the Machinations of the Conspirators, and hires a
+tutor for Peregrine, whom he settles in Winchester School.
+
+
+This was not the least affliction he had suffered from the unwearied
+endeavours and unexhausted invention of his tormentors, who harassed him
+with such a variety of mischievous pranks, that he began to think all
+the devils in hell had conspired against his peace; and accordingly
+became very serious and contemplative on the subject.
+
+In the course of his meditations, when he recollected and compared
+the circumstances of every mortification to which he had been lately
+exposed, he could not help suspecting that some of them must have been
+contrived to vex him; and, as he was not ignorant of his lieutenant's
+disposition, nor unacquainted with the talents of Peregrine, he
+resolved to observe them both for the future with the utmost care and
+circumspection. This resolution, aided by the incautious conduct of
+the conspirators, whom, by this time, success had rendered heedless and
+indiscreet, was attended with the desired effect. He in a little time,
+detected Perry in a new plot; and by dint of a little chastisement,
+and a great many threats, extorted from him a confession of all
+the contrivances in which he had been concerned. The commodore was
+thunderstruck at the discovery, and so much incensed against Hatchway
+for the part he had acted in the whole, that he deliberated with
+himself, whether he should demand satisfaction with sword and pistol, or
+dismiss him from the garrison, and renounce all friendship with him
+at once. But he had been so long accustomed to Jack's company, that he
+could not live without him; and upon more cool reflection, perceiving
+that what he had done was rather the effect of wantonness than malice,
+which he himself would have laughed to see take place upon any
+other person, he determined to devour his chagrin, and extended his
+forgiveness even to Pipes, whom, in the first sally of his passion, he
+had looked upon in a more criminal light than that of a simple mutineer.
+This determination was seconded by another, which he thought absolutely
+necessary for his own repose, and in which his own interest, and that of
+his nephew, concurred.
+
+Peregrine, who was now turned of twelve, had made such advances under
+the instruction of Jennings, that he often disputed upon grammar, and
+was sometimes thought to have the better in his contests, with the
+parish-priest, who, notwithstanding this acknowledged superiority of
+his antagonist, did great justice to his genius which he assured Mr.
+Trunnion would be lost for want of cultivation, if the boy was not
+immediately sent to prosecute his studies at some proper seminary of
+learning.
+
+This maxim had been more than once inculcated upon the commodore by Mrs.
+Trunnion, who, over and above the deference she paid to the parson's
+opinion, had a reason of her own for wishing to see the house clear
+of Peregrine, at whose prying disposition she began to be very uneasy.
+Induced by these motives, which were joined by the solicitation of the
+youth himself, who ardently longed to see a little more of the world,
+his uncle determined to send him forthwith to Winchester, under the
+immediate care and inspection of a governor, to whom he allowed a very
+handsome appointment for that purpose. This gentleman, whose name was
+Mr. Jacob Jolter, had been school-fellow with the parson of the parish,
+who recommended him to Mrs. Trunnion as a person of great worth and
+learning, in every respect qualified for the office of a tutor. He
+likewise added, by way of eulogium, that he was a man of exemplary
+piety and particularly zealous for the honour of the church, of which
+he was a member, having been many years in holy orders, though he did
+not then exercise any function of the priesthood. Indeed, Mr. Jolter's
+zeal was so exceedingly fervent, as, on some occasions, to get the
+better of his discretion; for, being a high churchman and of consequence
+a malcontent, his resentment was habituated into an insurmountable
+prejudice against the present disposition of affairs, which, by
+confounding the nation with the ministry, sometimes led him into
+erroneous, not to say absurd calculations; otherwise, a man of good
+morals, well versed in mathematics and school divinity, studies which
+had not at all contributed to sweeten and unbend the natural sourness
+and severity of his complexion.
+
+This gentleman being destined to the charge of superintending Perry's
+education, everything was prepared for their departure; and Tom Pipes,
+in consequence of his own petition, put into livery, and appointed
+footman to the young squire. But, before they set out, the commodore
+paid the compliment of communicating his design to Mr. Pickle, who
+approved of the plan, though he durst not venture to see the boy; so
+much was he intimidated by the remonstrances of his wife, whose aversion
+to her first-born became every day more inveterate and unaccountable.
+This unnatural caprice seemed to be supported by a consideration which,
+one would imagine, might have rather vanquished her disgust. Her second
+son Gam, who was now in the fourth year of his age, had been rickety
+from the cradle, and as remarkably unpromising in appearance as Perry
+was agreeable in his person. As the deformity increased, the mother's
+fondness was augmented, and the virulence of her hate against the other
+son seemed to prevail in the same proportion.
+
+Far from allowing Perry to enjoy the common privileges of a child,
+she would not suffer him to approach his father's house, expressed
+uneasiness whenever his name happened to be mentioned, sickened at his
+praise, and in all respects behaved like a most rancorous step-mother.
+Though she no longer retained that ridiculous notion of his being an
+impostor, she still continued to abhor him, as if she really believed
+him to be such; and when any person desired to know the cause of her
+surprising dislike, she always lost her temper, and peevishly replied,
+that she had reasons of her own, which she was not obliged to declare:
+nay, so much was she infected by this vicious partiality, that she broke
+off all commerce with her sister-in-law and the commodore, because they
+favoured the poor child with their countenance and protection.
+
+Her malice, however, was frustrated by the love and generosity
+of Trunnion, who, having adopted him as his own son, equipped him
+accordingly, and carried him and his governor in his own coach to the
+place of destination, where they were settled on a very genteel footing,
+and everything regulated according to their desires.
+
+Mrs. Trunnion with great decency at the departure of her nephew, to
+whom, with a great many pious advices and injunctions to behave with
+submission and reverence towards his tutor, she presented a diamond ring
+of small value, and a gold medal, as tokens of her affection and esteem.
+As for the lieutenant, he accompanied them in the coach; and such was
+the friendship he had contracted for Perry, that when the commodore
+proposed to return, after having accomplished the intent of his journey,
+Jack absolutely refused to attend him, and signified his resolution to
+stay where he was.
+
+Trunnion was the more startled a this declaration, as Hatchway was
+become so necessary to him in almost all the purposes of his life, that
+he foresaw he should not be able to exist without his company. Not a
+little affected with this consideration, he turned his eye ruefully
+upon the lieutenant, saying, in a piteous tone, "What! leave me at last,
+Jack, after we have weathered so many hard gales together? D-- my limbs!
+I thought you had been more of an honest heart: I looked upon you as my
+foremast, and Tom Pipes as my mizen: now he is carried away, if so be
+as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed, d'ye see, the first
+squall will bring me by the board. D-- ye, if in case I have given
+offence, can't you speak above-board? and I shall make you amends."
+
+Jack, being ashamed to own the true situation of his thoughts, after
+some hesitation, answered with perplexity and incoherence, "No, d--
+me! that an't the case neither: to be sure you always used me in an
+officer-like manner, that I must own, to give the devil his due, as the
+saying is; but for all that, this here is the case, I have some thoughts
+of going to school myself to learn your Latin lingo: for, as the saying
+is, Better late mend than never: and I am informed as how one can get
+more for the money here than anywhere else."
+
+In vain did Trunnion endeavour to convince him of the folly of going to
+school at his years, by representing that the boys would make game of
+him, and that he would become a laughing-stock to all the world: he
+persisted in his resolution to stay, and the commodore was fain to
+have recourse to the mediation of Pipes and Perry, who employed their
+influence with Jack, and at last prevailed upon him to return to the
+garrison, after Trunnion had promised he should be at liberty to visit
+them once a month. This stipulation being settled, he and his friend
+took leave of the pupil, governor, and attendant, and next morning, set
+out for their habitation, which they reached in safety that same night.
+
+Such was Hatchway's reluctance to leave Peregrine, that he is said, for
+the first time in his life, to have looked misty at parting: certain I
+am, that on the road homewards, after a long pause of silence, which the
+commodore never dreamt of interrupting, he exclaimed all of a sudden,
+"I'll be d--d if the dog ha'nt given me some stuff to make me love him!"
+Indeed, there was something congenial in the disposition of these two
+friends, which never failed to manifest itself in the sequel, howsoever
+different their education, circumstances, and connections happened to
+be.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine distinguishes himself among his School-fellows, exposes his
+Tutor, and attracts the particular Notice of the Master.
+
+
+Thus left to the prosecution of his studies, Peregrine was in a
+little time a distinguished character, not only for his acuteness of
+apprehension, but also for that mischievous fertility of fancy, of which
+we have already given such pregnant examples. But as there was a great
+number of such luminaries in this new sphere to which he belonged, his
+talents were not so conspicuous while they shone in his single capacity,
+as they afterwards appeared, when they concentrated and reflected the
+rays of the whole constellation.
+
+At first he confined himself to piddling game, exercising his genius
+upon his own tutor, who attracted his attention, by endeavouring to
+season his mind with certain political maxims, the fallacy of which he
+had discernment enough to perceive. Scarce a day passed in which he did
+not find means to render Mr. Jolter the object of ridicule: his violent
+prejudices, ludicrous vanity, awkward solemnity, and ignorance of
+mankind, afforded continual food for the raillery, petulance, and satire
+of his pupil, who never neglected an opportunity of laughing, and making
+others laugh, at his expense.
+
+Sometimes in their parties, by mixing brandy in his wine, he decoyed
+this pedagogue into a debauch, during which his caution forsook him, and
+he exposed himself to the censure of the company. Sometimes, when the
+conversation turned upon intricate subjects, he practised upon him the
+Socratic method of confutation, and, under pretence of being informed,
+by an artful train of puzzling questions insensibly betrayed him into
+self-contradiction.
+
+All the remains of authority which he had hitherto preserved over
+Peregrine soon vanished; so that, for the future, no sort of ceremony
+subsisted between them, and all Mr. Jolter's precepts were conveyed in
+hints of friendly advice, which the other might either follow or neglect
+at his own pleasure. No wonder then that Peregrine gave a loose to his
+inclinations, and, by dint of genius and an enterprising temper, made a
+figure among the younger class of heroes in the school.
+
+Before he had been a full year at Winchester, he had signallized himself
+in so many achievements, in defiance to the laws and regulations of the
+place, that he was looked upon with admiration, and actually chosen dux,
+or leader, by a large body of his contemporaries. It was not long
+before his fame reached the ears of the master, who sent for Mr. Jolter,
+communicated to him the informations he had received, and desired him to
+check the vivacity of his charge, and redouble his vigilance in time to
+come, else he should be obliged to make a public example of his pupil
+for the benefit of the school.
+
+The governor, conscious of his own unimportance, was not a little
+disconcerted at this injunction, which it was not in his power to fulfil
+by any compulsive means. He therefore went home in a very pensive mood,
+and after mature deliberation, resolved to expostulate with Peregrine
+in the most familiar terms, and endeavour to dissuade him from practices
+which might affect his character as well as interest. He accordingly
+frankly told him the subject of the master's discourse; represented the
+disgrace he might incur by neglecting this warning; and, putting him in
+mind of his own situation, hinted the consequences of the commodore's
+displeasure, in case he should be brought to disapprove of his conduct.
+These insinuations made the greater impression as they were delivered
+with many expressions of friendship and concern. The young gentleman
+was not so raw, but that he could perceive the solidity of Mr.
+Jolter's advice, to which he promised to conform, because his pride was
+interested in the affair, and he considered his own reformation as the
+only means of avoiding that infamy which even in idea he could not bear.
+
+His governor, finding him so reasonable, profited by these moments of
+reflection; and, in order to prevent a relapse, proposed that he
+should engage in some delightful study that would agreeably amuse his
+imagination, and gradually detach him from those connections which had
+involved him in so many troublesome adventures. For this purpose, he,
+with many rapturous encomiums, recommended the mathematics, as yielding
+more rational and sensible pleasures to a youthful fancy than any other
+subject of contemplation; and actually began to read Euclid with him
+that same afternoon.
+
+Peregrine entered upon this branch of learning with all that warmth of
+application which boys commonly yield on the first change of study; but
+he had scarce advanced beyond the Pons Asinorum, when his ardour
+abated; the test of truth by demonstration did not elevate him to those
+transports of joy with which his preceptor had regaled his expectation;
+and before he arrived at the forty-seventh proposition, he began to
+yawn drearily, make abundance of wry faces, and thought himself but
+indifferently paid for his attention, when he shared the vast discovery
+of Pythagoras, and understood that the square of the hypotenuse was
+equal to the squares of the other two sides of a right-angled triangle.
+He was ashamed, however, to fail in his undertaking, and persevered with
+great industry, until he had finished the first four books, acquired
+plane trigonometry, with the method of algebraical calculation, and
+made himself well acquainted with the principles of surveying. But no
+consideration could prevail upon him to extend his inquiries farther
+in this science; and he returned with double relish to his former
+avocations, like a stream, which, being dammed, accumulates more force,
+and, bursting over its mounds, rushes down with double impetuosity.
+
+Mr. Jolter saw with astonishment and chagrin, but could not resist the
+torrent. His behaviour was now no other than a series of license and
+effrontery; prank succeeded prank, and outrage followed outrage with
+surprising velocity. Complaints were every day preferred against him; in
+vain were admonitions bestowed by the governor in private, and menaces
+discharged by the masters in public; he disregarded the first, despised
+the latter, divested himself of all manner of restraint, and proceeded
+in his career to such a pitch of audacity, that a consultation was held
+upon the subject, in which it was determined that this untoward spirit
+should be humbled by a severe and ignominious flogging for the very next
+offence he should commit. In the mean time, Mr. Jolter was desired to
+write in the masters name to the commodore, requesting him to remove Tom
+Pipes from the person of his nephew, the said Pipes being a principal
+actor and abettor in all his malversations; and to put a stop to the
+monthly visitations of the mutilated lieutenant, who had never once
+failed to use his permission, but came punctual to a day, always fraught
+with some new invention. Indeed, by this time Mr. Hatchway was as well
+known, and much better beloved, by every boy in the school than the
+master who instructed him, and always received by a number of scholars,
+who used to attend Peregrine when he went forth to meet his friend, and
+conduct him to his lodging with public testimonies of joy and applause.
+
+As for Tom Pipes, he was not so properly the attendant of Peregrine,
+as master of the revels of the whole school. He mingled in all their
+parties, and superintended the diversions, deciding between boy and boy,
+as if he acted by commission under the great seal. He regulated their
+motions by his whistle, instructed the young boys in the games of
+hustle-cap, leap-frog, and chuck-farthing; imparted to those of a more
+advanced age the sciences of cribbage and all-fours, together with the
+method of storming the castle, acting the comedy of Prince Arthur, and
+other pantomimes, as they commonly exhibited at sea; and instructed
+the seniors, who were distinguished by the appellation of bloods, in
+cudgel-playing, dancing the St. Giles's hornpipe, drinking flip, and
+smoking tobacco. These qualifications had rendered him so necessary and
+acceptable to the scholars, that exclusive of Perry's concern in the
+affair, his dismission, in all probability, would have produced some
+dangerous convulsion in the community. Jolter, therefore, knowing his
+importance, informed his pupil of the directions he had received, and
+very candidly asked how he should demean himself in the execution;
+for he durst not write to the commodore without this previous notice,
+fearing that the young gentleman, as soon as he should get an inkling of
+the affair, would follow the example, and make his uncle acquainted
+with certain anecdotes, which it was the governor's interest to keep
+concealed. Peregrine was of opinion that he should spare himself the
+trouble of conveying any complaints to the commodore; and if questioned
+by the master, assure him he had complied with his desire: at the same
+time he promised faithfully to conduct himself with such circumspection
+for the future, that the masters should have no temptation to revive
+the inquiry. But the resolution attending this extorted promise was too
+frail to last, and in less than a fortnight our young hero found himself
+entangled in an adventure from which he was not extricated with his
+usual good fortune.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+
+He is concerned in a dangerous Adventure with a certain
+Gardener--Sublimes his Ideas, commences Gallant, and becomes acquainted
+with Miss Emily Gauntlet.
+
+
+He and some of his companions one day entered a garden in the suburbs,
+and, having indulged their appetites, desired to know what satisfaction
+they must make for the fruit they had pulled. The gardener demanded
+what, in their opinion, was an exorbitant price, and they with many
+opprobrious terms refused to pay it. The peasant, being surly and
+untractable, insisted upon his right; neither was he deficient or
+sparing in the eloquence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted to
+retreat; a scuffle ensued, in which Peregrine lost his cap; and the
+gardener, being in danger from the number of his foes, called to
+his wife to let loose the dog, which instantly flew to his master's
+assistance, and, after having torn the leg of one and the shoulder
+of another, put the whole body of scholars to flight. Enraged at the
+indignity which had been offered them, they solicited a reinforcement
+of their friends, and, with Tom Pipes at their head, marched back to
+the field of battle. Their adversary, seeing them approach, called
+his apprentice, who worked at the other end of the ground, to his
+assistance, armed him with a mattock, while he himself wielded a hoe,
+bolted his door on the inside, and, flanked with his man and mastiff,
+waited the attack without flinching.
+
+He had not remained three minutes in this posture of defence, when
+Pipes, who acted as the enemy's forlorn hope, advanced to the gate with
+great intrepidity, and, clapping his foot to the door, which was none of
+the stoutest, with the execution and despatch of a petard, split it into
+a thousand pieces. This sudden execution had an immediate effect upon
+the apprentice, who retreated with great precipitation, and escaped at
+a postern; but the master placed himself, like another Hercules, in
+the breach; and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel, stepped forward to
+engage him, leveled his weapon with such force and dexterity at his
+head, that had the skull been made of penetrable stuff, the iron edge
+must have cleft his pate in twain. Casemated as he was, the instrument
+cut sheer even to the bone, on which it struck with such amazing
+violence, that sparks of real fire were produced by the collision.
+And let not the incredulous reader pretend to doubt the truth of this
+phenomenon, until he shall have first perused the ingenious Peter
+Kolben's Natural History of the Cape of Good Hope, where the inhabitants
+commonly used to strike fire with the shin-bones of lions which had been
+killed in that part of Africa.
+
+Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from being disabled by the
+blow, in a trice retorted the compliment with his truncheon, which, had
+not his antagonist expeditiously slipped his head aside, would have
+laid him breathless across his own threshold; but, happily for him, he
+received the salutation upon his right shoulder, which crashed beneath
+the stroke, and the hoe dropped instantly from his tingling hand. Tom,
+perceiving, and being unwilling to forego, the advantage he had gained,
+darted his head into the bosom of this son of earth, and overturned him
+on the plain, being himself that instant assaulted by the mastiff, who
+fastened upon the outside of his thigh. Feeling himself incommoded by
+this assailant in his rear, he quitted the prostrate gardener to the
+resentment of his associates, who poured upon him in shoals, and turning
+about, laid hold with both his hands of this ferocious animal's throat,
+which he squeezed with such incredible force and perseverance, that the
+creature quitted his hold; his tongue lolled out of his jaws, the blood
+started from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless trunk between the hands
+of his vanquisher.
+
+It was well for his master that he did not longer exist: for by this
+time he was overwhelmed by such a multitude of foes, that his whole body
+scarce afforded points of contact to all the fists that drummed upon
+him; consequently, to use a vulgar phrase, his wind was almost knocked
+out, before Pipes had leisure to interpose in his he behalf, and
+persuade his offenders to desist, by representing that the wife had
+gone to alarm the neighbourhood, and in all probability they would
+be intercepted in their return. They accordingly listened to his
+remonstrances, and marched homewards in triumph, leaving the gardener
+in the embraces of his mother earth, from which he had not power to move
+when he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and some friends whom
+she had assembled for his assistance. Among these was a blacksmith and
+farrier, who took cognizance of his carcase, every limb of which having
+examined, he declared there was no bone broken, and taking out his
+fleam, blooded him plentifully as he lay. He was then conveyed to his
+bed, from which he was not able to stir during a whole month. His family
+coming upon the parish, a formal complaint was made to the master of
+the school, and Peregrine represented as the ringleader of those who
+committed this barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately set on
+foot; and the articles of impeachment being fully proved, our hero was
+sentenced to be severely chastised in the face of the whole school. This
+was a disgrace, the thoughts of which his proud heart could not brook.
+He resolved to make his elopement rather than undergo the punishment
+to which he was doomed; and having signified his sentiments to his
+confederates, they promised one and all to stand by him, and either
+screen him from chastisement or share his fate.
+
+Confiding in this friendly protestation, he appeared unconcerned on the
+day that was appointed for his punishment; and when he was called to
+his destiny, advanced the scene, attended by the greatest part of the
+scholars, who intimated their determination to the master, and proposed
+that Peregrine should be forgiven. The superior behaved with that
+dignity of demeanour which became his place, represented the folly
+and presumption of their demand, reprehended them for their audacious
+proceeding, and ordered every boy to his respective station. They obeyed
+his command, and our unfortunate hero was publicly horsed, in terrorem
+of all whom it might concern.
+
+This disgrace had a very sensible effect upon the mind of Peregrine,
+who, having by this time, passed the fourteenth year of his age,
+began to adopt the pride and sentiments of a man. Thus dishonourably
+stigmatized, he was ashamed to appear in public as usual; he was
+incensed against his companions for their infidelity and irresolution,
+and plunged into a profound reverie that lasted several weeks, during
+which he shook off his boyish connections, and fixed his view upon
+objects which he thought more worthy of his attention.
+
+In the course of his gymnastic exercises, at which he was very expert,
+he contracted intimacies with several youths who were greatly his
+superiors in point of age, and who, pleased with his aspiring genius
+and address, introduced him into parties of gallantry which strongly
+captivated his inclination. He was by nature particularly adopted
+for succeeding in all adventures of this kind: over and above a most
+engaging person that improved with his years, he possessed a dignified
+assurance, an agreeable ferocity which enhanced the conquest of the fair
+who had the good fortune to enslave him, unlimited generosity, and a
+fund of humour which never failed to please. Nor was he deficient in
+the more solid accomplishments of youth: he had profited in his studies
+beyond expectation; and besides that sensibility of discernment which
+is the foundation of taste, and in consequence of which he distinguished
+and enjoyed the beauties of the classics, he had already given several
+specimens of a very promising poetic talent.
+
+With this complexion and these qualifications, no wonder that our hero
+attracted the notice and affections of the young Delias in town, whose
+hearts had just begun to flutter for they knew not what. Inquiries
+were made concerning his condition; and no sooner were his expectations
+known, than he was invited and caressed by all the parents, while
+the daughters vied with each other in treating him with particular
+complacency. He inspired love and emulation wherever he appeared: envy
+and jealous rage followed of course; so that he became a very desirable,
+though a very dangerous acquaintance. His moderation was not equal to
+his success: his vanity took the lead of his passions, dissipating his
+attention, which might otherwise have fixed him to one object; and he
+was possessed with the rage of increasing the number of his conquests.
+With this view he frequented public walks, concerts, and assemblies,
+became remarkably rich and fashionable in his clothes, gave
+entertainments to the ladies, and was in the utmost hazard of turning
+out a most egregious coxcomb.
+
+While his character thus wavered between the ridicule of some and the
+regard of others, an accident happened which by contracting his view
+to one object, detached him from those vain pursuits that would in time
+have plunged him into an abyss of folly and contempt. Being one evening
+at the ball which is always given to the ladies at the time of the
+races, the person acted as master of the ceremonies, knowing how fond
+Mr. Pickle was of every opportunity to display himself, came up, and
+told him, that there was a fine young creature at the other end of the
+room, who seemed to have a great inclination to dance a minuet, but
+wanted a partner, the gentleman who attended her being in boots.
+
+Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intimation, he went up to
+reconnoitre the young lady, and was struck with admiration at her
+beauty. She seemed to be of his own age, was tall, though slender,
+exquisitely shaped; her hair was auburn, and in such plenty, that the
+barbarity of dress had not been able to prevent it from shading both
+sides of her forehead, which was high and polished; the contour of her
+face was oval; her nose very little raised into the aquiline form,
+that contributed to the spirit and dignity of her aspect; her mouth was
+small; her lips plump, juicy, and delicious, her teeth regular and white
+as driven snow, her complexion incredibly delicate, and glowing with
+health; and her full blue eyes beamed forth vivacity and love: her mien
+was at the same time commanding and engaging, her address perfectly
+genteel, and her whole appearance so captivating, that our young Adonis
+looked, and was overcome.
+
+He no sooner recollected himself from his astonishment, than he advanced
+to her with a graceful air of respect, and begged she would do him the
+honour to walk a minuet with him. She seemed particularly pleased with
+his application, and very frankly complied with his request. This pair
+was too remarkable to escape the particular notice of the company; Mr.
+Pickle was well known by almost everybody in the room, but his partner
+was altogether a new face and of consequence underwent the criticism
+of all the ladies in the assembly. One whispered, "She has a good
+complexion, but don't you think she is a little awry?" a second pitied
+her for her masculine nose; a third observed, that she was awkward for
+want of seeing company; a fourth distinguished something very bold in
+her countenance; and, in short, there was not a beauty in her whole
+composition which the glass of envy did not pervert into a blemish.
+
+The men, however, looked upon her with different eyes; among them her
+appearance produced a universal murmur of applause: they encircled the
+space on which she danced, and were enchanted by her graceful motion.
+While they launched out in the praise of her, they expressed their
+displeasure at the good fortune of her partner, whom they d--d for a
+little finical coxcomb, that was too much engrossed by the contemplation
+of his own person, to discern or deserve the favour of his fate. He did
+not hear, therefore could not repine at these invectives; but while they
+imagined he indulged his vanity, a much more generous passion had taken
+possession of his heart.
+
+Instead of that petulance of gaiety for which he had been distinguished
+in his public appearance, he now gave manifest signs of confusion and
+concern: he danced with an anxiety which impeded his performance,
+and blushed to the eyes at every false step he made. Though this
+extraordinary agitation was overlooked by the men, it could not escape
+the observation of the ladies, who perceived it with equal surprise
+and resentment; and when Peregrine led this fair unknown to her seat,
+expressed their pique in an affected titter, which broke from every
+mouth at the same instant--as if all of them had been informed by the
+same spirit.
+
+Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly mark of disapprobation, and,
+in order to increase their chagrin, endeavoured to enter into particular
+conversation with their fair rival. The young lady herself, who neither
+wanted penetration nor the consciousness of her own accomplishments,
+resented their behaviour, though she triumphed at the cause of it, and
+gave her partner all the encouragement he could desire. Her mother, who
+was present, thanked him for his civility in taking such notice of a
+stranger, and he received a compliment of the same nature from the young
+gentleman in boots, who was her own brother.
+
+If he was charmed with her appearance, he was quite ravished with
+her discourse, which was sensible, spirited, and gay. Her frank and
+sprightly demeanour excited his own confidence and good-humour; and he
+described to her the characters of those females who had honoured them
+with such a spiteful mark of distinction, in terms so replete with
+humorous satire, that she seemed to listen with particular complacency
+of attention, and distinguished every nymph thus ridiculed with such a
+significant glance as overwhelmed her with chagrin and mortification. In
+short, they seemed to relish each other's conversation, during which
+our young Damon acquitted himself with great skill in all the duties
+of gallantry: he laid hold of proper opportunities to express his
+admiration of her charms, had recourse to the silent rhetoric of tender
+looks, breathed divers insidious sighs, and attached himself wholly to
+her during the remaining part of the entertainment.
+
+When the company broke up, he attended her to her lodgings, and
+took leave of her with a squeeze of the hand, after having obtained
+permission to visit her next morning, and been informed by the mother
+that her name was Miss Emilia Gauntlet.
+
+All night long he closed not an eye, but amused himself with plans of
+pleasure, which his imagination suggested in consequence of this new
+acquaintance. He rose with the lark, adjusted his hair into an agreeable
+negligence of curl, and dressing himself in a genteel gray frock trimmed
+with silver binding, waited with the utmost impatience for the hour
+of ten, which no sooner struck than he hied him to the place of
+appointment, and inquiring for Miss gauntlet, was shown into a parlour.
+Here he had not waited above ten minutes, when Emilia entered in a most
+enchanting undress, with all the graces of nature playing about her
+person, and in a moment riveted the chains of his slavery beyond the
+power of accident to unbind.
+
+Her mother being still abed, and her brother gone to give orders about
+the chaise, in which they proposed to return that same day to their
+own habitation, he enjoyed her company a whole hour, during which he
+declared his love in the most passionate terms, and begged that he might
+be admitted into the number of those admirers whom she permitted to
+visit and adore her.
+
+She affected to look upon his vows and protestations as the ordinary
+effect of gallantry, and very obligingly assured him that were she to
+live in that place she should be glad to see him often; but as the
+spot on which she resided was at a considerable distance, she could not
+expect he would go so far, upon such a trifling occasion, as to take the
+trouble of providing himself with her mamma's permission.
+
+To this favourable hint he with all the eagerness of the most fervent
+passion, that he had uttered nothing but the genuine dictates of his
+heart; that he desired nothing so much as an opportunity of evincing the
+sincerity of his professions; and that, though he lived at the extremity
+of the kingdom, he would find means to lay himself at her feet, provided
+he could visit her with her mother's consent, which he assured her he
+would not fail to solicit.
+
+She then gave him to understand that her habitation was about sixteen
+miles front Winchester, in a village which she named, and where, as he
+could easily collect from her discourse, he would be no unwelcome guest.
+
+In the midst of this communication they were joined by Mrs. Gauntlet,
+who received him with great courtesy, thanking him again for his
+politeness to Emy at the ball, and anticipated his intention by saying
+that she should be very glad to see him at her house, if ever his
+occasions should call him that way.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+
+He inquires into the Situation of this young Lady, with whom he is
+enamoured--Elopes from School--Is found by the Lieutenant, conveyed to
+Winchester, and sends a Letter with a copy of verses to his Mistress.
+
+
+He was transported with pleasure at this invitation, which he assured
+her he should not neglect; and after a little more conversation on
+general topics, took his leave of the charming Emilia and her prudent
+mamma, who had perceived the first emotions of Mr. Pickle's passion for
+her daughter, and been at some pains to inquire about his family and
+fortune.
+
+Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive about the situation and pedigree
+of his new mistress, who, he learned, was the only daughter of a
+field-officer, who died before he had it in his power to make suitable
+provision for his children; that the widow lived in a frugal though
+decent manner on her pension, assisted by the bounty of her relations;
+that the son carried arms as a volunteer in the company which his father
+had commanded; and that Emilia had been educated in London, at the
+expense of a rich uncle, who was seized with the whim of marrying at the
+age of fifty-five; in consequence of which his niece had returned to her
+mother, without any visible dependence, except on her own conduct and
+qualifications.
+
+This account, though it could not diminish his affection, nevertheless
+alarmed his pride; for his warm imagination had exaggerated all his own
+prospects; and he began to fear that his passion for Emilia might be
+thought to derogate from the dignity of his situation. The struggle
+between his interest and love produced a perplexity which had an evident
+effect upon his behaviour: he became pensive, solitary, and peevish;
+avoided public diversions; and grew so remarkably negligent in his
+dress, that he was scarce distinguishable by his own acquaintance. This
+contention of thoughts continued several weeks, at the end of which
+the charms of Emilia triumphed over every other consideration. Having
+received a supply of money from the commodore, who acted towards him
+with great generosity, he ordered Pipes to put up some linen and other
+necessaries in a sort of knapsack, which he could conveniently carry;
+and, thus attended, set out early one morning on foot for the village
+where his charmer lived, at which he arrived before two o'clock in the
+afternoon; having chosen this method of travelling that his route might
+not be so easily discovered, as it must have been had he hired horses,
+or taken a place in the stage-coach.
+
+The first thing he did was to secure a convenient lodging at the inn
+where he dined; then he shifted himself, and, according to the direction
+he had received, went to the house of Mrs. Gauntlet in a transport of
+joyous expectation. As he approached the gate, his agitation increased;
+he knocked with impatience and concern, the door opened, and he had
+actually asked if Mrs. Gauntlet was at home, before he perceived that
+the portress was no other than his dear Emilia. She was not without
+emotion at the unexpected sight of her lover, who instantly recognising
+his charmer obeyed the irresistible impulse of his love, and caught the
+fair creature in his arms. Nor did she seem offended at this forwardness
+of behaviour, which might have displeased another of a less open
+disposition, or less used to the freedom of a sensible education; but
+her natural frankness had been encouraged and improved by the easy and
+familiar intercourse in which she had been bred; and therefore, instead
+of reprimanding him with a severity of look, she with great good humour
+rallied him upon his assurance, which, she observed, was undoubtedly
+the effect of his own conscious merit; and conducted him into a parlour,
+where he found her mother, who, in very polite terms, expressed her
+satisfaction at seeing him within her house.
+
+After tea, Miss Emy proposed an evening walk, which they enjoyed through
+a variety of little copses and lawns, watered by a most romantic stream,
+that quite enchanted the imagination of Peregrine.
+
+It was late before they returned from this agreeable excursion, and when
+our lover wished the ladies good night, Mrs. Gauntlet insisted upon his
+staying to supper, and treated him with particular demonstrations
+of regard and affection. As her economy was not encumbered with an
+unnecessary number of domestics, her own presence was often required in
+different parts of the house, so that the young gentleman was supplied
+with frequent opportunities of promoting his suit by all the tender
+oaths and insinuations that his passion could suggest. He protested her
+idea had taken such entire possession of his heart, that finding
+himself unable to support her absence one day longer, he had quitted
+his studies, and left his governor by stealth, that he might visit the
+object of his adoration, and be blessed in her company for a few days
+without interruption.
+
+She listened to his addresses with such affability as denoted
+approbation and delight, and gently chided him as a thoughtless truant,
+but carefully avoided the confession of a mutual flame; because she
+discerned, in the midst of all his tenderness, a levity of pride which
+she durst not venture to trust with such a declaration. Perhaps she
+was confirmed in this caution by her mother, who very wisely, in her
+civilities to him, maintained a sort of ceremonious distance, which she
+thought not only requisite for the honour and interest of her family,
+but likewise for her own exculpation, should she ever be taxed with
+having encouraged or abetted him in the imprudent sallies of his youth;
+yet, notwithstanding this affected reserve, he was treated with such
+distinction by both, that he was ravished with his situation, and became
+more and more enamoured every day.
+
+While he remained under the influence of this sweet intoxication,
+his absence produced great disturbance at Winchester. Mr. Jolter was
+grievously afflicted at his abrupt departure, which alarmed him the
+more, as it happened after a long fit of melancholy which he had
+perceived in his pupil. He communicated his apprehensions to the master
+of the school, who advised him to apprise the commodore of his nephew's
+disappearance, and in the mean time inquire at all the inns in
+town, whether he had hired horses, or any sort of carriage, for his
+conveyance, or was met with on the road by any person who could give an
+account of the direction in which he travelled.
+
+The scrutiny, though performed with great diligence and minuteness,
+was altogether ineffectual; they could obtain no intelligence of the
+runaway. Mr. Trunnion was well distracted at the news of his flight; he
+raved with great fury at the imprudence of Peregrine, whom in his first
+transports he d--d as an ungrateful deserter; then he cursed Hatchway
+and Pipes, who he swore had foundered the lad by their pernicious
+counsels; and, lastly, transferred his execrations upon Jolter, because
+he had not kept a better look-out; finally, he made an apostrophe to
+that son of a b-- the gout, which for the present disabled him from
+searching for his nephew in person. That he might not, however, neglect
+any means in his power, he immediately despatched expresses to all the
+sea-port towns on that coast, that he might be prevented from leaving
+the kingdom; and the lieutenant, at his own desire, was sent across the
+country, in quest of this young fugitive.
+
+Four days had he unsuccessfully carried on his inquiries with great
+accuracy, when, resolving to return by Winchester, where he hoped to
+meet with some hints of intelligence by which he might profit in his
+future search, he struck off the common road to take the benefit of a
+nearer cut; and finding himself benighted near a village, took up
+his lodgings at the first inn to which his horse directed him. Having
+bespoke something for supper, and retired to his chamber, where he
+amused himself with a pipe, he heard a confused noise of rustic jollity,
+which being all of a sudden interrupted, after a short pause his ear
+was saluted with the voice of Pipes, who, at the solicitation of the
+company, began to entertain them with a song.
+
+Hatchway instantly recognised the well-known sound, in which, indeed,
+he could not possibly be mistaken, as nothing in nature bore the least
+resemblance to it; he threw his pipe into the chimney, and, snatching
+up one of his pistols, ran immediately to the apartment from whence
+the voice issued; he no sooner entered, than, distinguishing his old
+ship-mate in a crowd of country peasants, he in a moment sprang upon
+him, and, clapping his pistol to his breast, exclaimed, " D--n you,
+Pipes, you are a dead man, if you don't immediately produce young
+master."
+
+This menacing application had a much greater effect upon the company
+than upon Tom, who, looking at the lieutenant with great tranquility,
+replied, "Why so I can, Master Hatchway."--"What! safe and sound?" cried
+the other. "As a roach," answered Pipes, so much to the satisfaction
+of his friend Jack, that he shook him by the hand, and desired him
+to proceed with his song. This being performed and the reckoning
+discharged, the two friends adjourned to the other room, where the
+lieutenant was informed of the manner in which the young gentleman had
+made his elopement from college, as well as of the other particulars of
+his present situation, as far as they had fallen within the sphere of
+his comprehension.
+
+While they sat thus conferring together, Peregrine, having taken
+leave of his mistress for the night, came home, and was not a little
+surprised, when Hatchway, entering his chamber in his sea attitude,
+thrust out his hand by way of salutation. His old pupil received him as
+usual, with great cordiality, and expressed his astonishment at meeting
+him in that place; but when he understood the cause and intention of
+his arrival, he started with concern; and, his visage glowing with
+indignation, told him he was old enough to be judge of his own conduct,
+and, when he should see it convenient, would return of himself; but
+those who thought he was to be compelled to his duty, would find
+themselves egregiously mistaken.
+
+The lieutenant assured him, that for his own part he had no intention to
+offer him the least violence; but, at the same time, he represented
+to him the danger of incensing the commodore, who was already almost
+distracted on account of his absence: and, in short, conveyed his
+arguments, which were equally obvious and valid, in such expressions of
+friendship and respect, that Peregrine yielded to his remonstrances, and
+promised to accompany him next day to Winchester.
+
+Hatchway, overjoyed at the success of his negotiation, went immediately
+to the hostler and bespoke a post-chaise for Mr. Pickle and his man with
+whom he afterwards indulged himself in a double can of rumbo, and, when
+the night was pretty far advanced, left the lover to his repose, or
+rather to the thorns of his own meditation; for he slept not one moment,
+being incessantly tortured with the prospect of parting with his divine
+Emilia, who had now acquired the most absolute empire over his soul. One
+minute he proposed to depart early in the morning, without seeing this
+enchantress, in whose bewitching presence he durst not trust his own
+resolution; then the thoughts of leaving her in such an abrupt and
+disrespectful manner interposed in favour of his love and honour. This
+war of sentiments kept him all night upon the rack, and it was time to
+rise before he had determined to visit his charmer, and candidly impart
+the motives that induced him to leave her.
+
+He accordingly repaired to her mother's house with a heavy heart, being
+attended to the gate by Hatchway, who did not choose to leave him alone;
+and being admitted, found Emilia just risen, and, in his opinion, more
+beautiful than ever.
+
+Alarmed at his early visit, and the gloom that overspread his
+countenance, she stood in silent expectation of hearing some melancholy
+tidings; and it was not till after a considerable pause, that he
+collected resolution enough to tell her he was come to take his
+leave. Though she strove to conceal her sorrow, nature was not to be
+suppressed: every feature of her countenance saddened in a moment; and
+it was not without the utmost difficulty that she kept her lovely eyes
+from overflowing. He saw the situation of her thoughts, and, in order to
+alleviate her concern, assured her he should find means to see her
+again in a very few weeks: meanwhile he communicated his reasons for
+departing, in which she readily acquiesced; and having mutually consoled
+each other, their transports of grief subsided: and before Mrs. Gauntlet
+came downstairs, they were in a condition to behave with great decency
+and resignation.
+
+This good lady expressed her concern when she learned his resolution,
+saying, she hoped his occasions and inclinations would permit him to
+favour them with his agreeable company another time.
+
+The lieutenant, who began to be uneasy at Peregrine's stay, knocked
+at the door, and, being introduced by his friend, had the honour of
+breakfasting with the ladies; on which occasion his heart received such
+a rude shock from the charms of Emilia, that he afterwards made a merit
+with his friend of having constrained himself so far, as to forbear
+commencing his professed rival.
+
+At length they bade adieu to their kind entertainers; and in less
+than an hour setting out from the inn, arrived about two o'clock
+in Winchester, where Mr. Jolter was overwhelmed with joy at their
+appearance.
+
+The nature of this adventure being unknown to all except those who could
+be depended upon, everybody who inquired about the cause of Peregrine's
+absence, was told that he had been with a relation in the country, and
+the master condescended to overlook his indiscretion; so that Hatchway,
+seeing everything settled to the satisfaction of his friend, returned to
+the garrison, and gave the commodore an account of his expedition.
+
+The old gentleman was very much startled when he heard there was a lady
+in the case, and very emphatically observed, that a man had better be
+sucked into the gulf of Florida than once get into the indraught of a
+woman; because, in one case, he may with good pilotage bring out his
+vessel safe between the Bahamas and the Indian shore; but in the other
+there is no outlet at all, and it is in vain to strive against the
+current; so that of course he must be embayed, and run chuck upon a
+lee-shore. He resolved, therefore, to lay the state of the case before
+Gamaliel Pickle, and concert such measures with him as should be thought
+likeliest to detach his son from the pursuit of an idle amour, which
+could not fail of interfering in a dangerous manner with the plan of his
+education.
+
+In the mean time, Perry's ideas were totally engrossed by his amiable
+mistress, who, whether he slept or waked, was still present in his
+imagination, which produced the following stanzas in her praise:--
+
+    Adieu! ye streams that smoothly flow;
+    Ye vernal airs that softly blow;
+    Ye plains, by blooming spring arrayed;
+    Ye  birds that warble through the shade.
+
+    Unhurt from you my soul could fly,
+    Nor drop one tear, nor heave one sigh;
+    But forced from Celia's charms to part,
+    All joy deserts my drooping heart.
+
+    O' fairer than the rosy morn,
+    When flowers the dewy fields adorn;
+    Unsallied as the genial ray,
+    That warms the balmy breeze of May;
+
+    Thy charms divinely bright appear,
+    And add new splendour to the year;
+    Improve the day with fresh delight,
+    And gild with joy the dreary night.
+
+
+This juvenile production was enclosed in a very tender billet to Emilia,
+and committed to the charge of Pipes, who was ordered to set out for
+Mrs. Gauntlet's habitation with a present of venison, and a compliment
+to the ladies; and directed to take some opportunity of delivering the
+letter to miss, without the knowledge of her mamma.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+
+His Messenger meets with a Misfortune, to which he applies a very
+extraordinary Expedient that is attended with strange Consequences.
+
+
+As a stage-coach passed within two miles of the village where she lived,
+Tom bargained with the driver for a seat on the box, and accordingly
+departed on this message, though he was but indifferently qualified for
+commissions of such a nature. Having received particular injunctions
+about the letter, he resolved to make that the chief object of his care,
+and very sagaciously conveyed it between the stocking and the sole of
+his foot, where he thought it would be perfectly secure from all injury
+or accident. Here it remained until he arrived at the inn where he had
+formerly lodged, when, after having refreshed himself with a draught of
+beer, he pulled off his stocking, and found the poor billet sullied
+with dust, and torn in a thousand tatters by the motion of his foot
+in walking the last two miles of his journey. Thunderstruck at
+this phenomenon, he uttered it loud whew! which was succeeded by an
+exclamation of "D-- my old shoes! a bite by G--!" then he rested his
+elbows on the table, and his forehead upon his two fists, and in that
+attitude deliberated with himself upon the means of remedying this
+misfortune.
+
+As he was not distracted by a vast number of ideas he soon concluded
+that his best expedient would be to employ the clerk of the parish, who
+he knew was a great scholar, to write another epistle according to
+the directions he should give him; and never dreaming that the mangled
+original would in the least facilitate this scheme, he very wisely
+committed it to the flames, that it might never rise up in judgment
+against him.
+
+Having taken this wise step, he went in quest of the scribe, to whom
+he communicated his business, and promised a full pot by way of
+gratification. The clerk, who was also schoolmaster, proud of an
+opportunity to distinguish his talents, readily undertook the task; and
+repairing with his employer to the inn, in less than a quarter of an
+hour produced a morsel of eloquence so much to the satisfaction of
+Pipes, that he squeezed his hand by way of acknowledgment, and doubled
+his allowance of beer. This being discussed, our courier betook himself
+to the house of Mrs. Gauntlet with the haunch of venison and this
+succedaneous letter, and delivered his message to the mother, who
+received it with great respect, and many kind inquiries about the health
+and welfare of his master, attempting to tip the messenger a crown,
+which he absolutely refused to accept, in consequence of Mr. Pickle's
+repeated caution. While the old gentlewoman turned to a servant in order
+to give directions about the disposal of the present, Pipes looked upon
+this as a favourable occasion to transact his business with Emilia, and
+therefore shutting one eye, with a jerk of his thumb towards his left
+shoulder, and a most significant twist of his countenance he beckoned
+the young lady into another room as if he had been fraught with
+something of consequence, which he wanted to impart. She understood the
+hint, howsoever strangely communicated, and, by stepping to one side of
+the room gave him an opportunity of slipping the epistle into her hand,
+which he gently squeezed at the same time in token of regard: then
+throwing a side-glance at the mother, whose back was turned, clapped
+his finger on the side of his nose, thereby recommending secrecy and
+discretion.
+
+Emilia, conveying the letter into her bosom, could not help smiling at
+Tom's politeness and dexterity; but lest her mamma should detect him in
+the execution of his pantomime, she broke off this intercourse of signs,
+by asking aloud when he proposed to set out on his return to Winchester?
+When he answered, "To-morrow morning." Miss Gauntlet recommended him
+to the hospitality of her own footman, desiring him to make much of
+Mr. Pipes below, where he was kept to supper, and very cordially
+entertained. Our young heroine, impatient to read her lover's billet,
+which made her heart throb with rapturous expectation, retired to her
+chamber as soon as possible, with a view of perusing the contents, which
+were these:--
+
+    "Divine Empress Of My Soul,--If the refulgent flames of your
+    beauty had not evaporated the particles of my transported
+    brain, and scorched my intellects into a cinder of stolidity,
+    perhaps the resplendency of my passion might shine illustrious
+    through the sable curtain of my ink, and in sublimity transcend
+    the galaxy itself, though wafted on the pinions of a gray goose
+    quill! But, ah! celestial enchantress! the necromancy of thy
+    tyrannical charms hath fettered my faculties with adamantine
+    chains, which, unless thy compassion shall melt I must eternally
+    remain in the Tartarean gulf of dismal despair. Vouchsafe,
+    therefore, O thou brightest luminary of this terrestrial sphere!
+    to warm, as well as shine; and let the genial rays of thy
+    benevolence melt the icy emanations of thy disdain, which hath
+    frozen up the spirits of angelic pre-eminence.--Thy most
+    egregious admirer and superlative slave,
+                                     "Peregrine Pickle."
+
+
+Never was astonishment more perplexing than that of Emilia, when she
+read this curious composition, which she repeated verbatim three times
+before she would credit the evidence of her own senses. She began to
+fear in good earnest that love had produced a disorder in her lover's
+understanding; but after a thousand conjectures by which she attempted
+to account for this extraordinary fustian of style, she concluded that
+it was the effect of mere levity, calculated to ridicule the passion he
+had formerly professed. Irritated by this supposition, she resolved
+to balk his triumph with affected indifference, and in the mean time
+endeavoured to expel him from that place which he possessed within her
+heart. And indeed such a victory over her inclinations might have been
+obtained without great difficulty; for she enjoyed an easiness of temper
+that could accommodate itself to the emergencies of her fate; and her
+vivacity, by amusing her imagination, preserved herself from the keener
+sensations of sorrow. Thus determined and disposed, she did not send
+any sort of answer, or the least token of remembrance by Pipes, who
+was suffered to depart with a general compliment from the mother, and
+arrived at Winchester the next day.
+
+Peregrine's eyes sparkled when he saw his messenger come in, and he
+stretched out his hand in full confidence of receiving some particular
+mark of his Emilia's affection; but how was he confounded, when he found
+his hope so cruelly disappointed! In an instant his countenance fell.
+He stood for some time silent and abashed, then thrice repeated the
+interrogation of "What! not one word from Emilia?" and dubious of his
+courier's discretion, inquired minutely into all the particulars of his
+reception. He asked if he had seen the young lady, if she was in good
+health, if he had found an opportunity of delivering his letter, and how
+she looked, when he put it into her hand? Pipes answered, that he had
+never seen her in better health or better spirits; that he had managed
+matters so as not only to present the billet unperceived, but also to
+ask her commands in private before he took his leave, when she told him
+that the letter required no reply. This last circumstance he considered
+as a manifest mark of disrespect, and gnawed his lips with resentment.
+Upon further reflection, however, he supposed that she could not
+conveniently write by the messenger, and would undoubtedly favour him by
+the post. This consideration consoled him for the present, and he waited
+impatiently for the fruits of his hope; but after he had seen eight
+days elapse without reaping the satisfaction with which he had flattered
+himself, his temper forsook him, he raved against the whole sex, and was
+seized with a fit of sullen chagrin; but his pride in a little time came
+to his assistance, and rescued him from the horrors of the melancholy
+fiend. He resolved to retort her own neglect upon her ungrateful
+mistress; his countenance gradually resumed its former serenity; and
+though by this time he was pretty well cured of his foppery, he appeared
+again at public diversions with an air of gaiety and unconcern, that
+Emilia might have a chance of hearing how much, in all likelihood, he
+disregarded her disdain.
+
+There are never wanting certain officious persons, who take pleasure in
+promoting intelligence of this sort. His behaviour soon reached the ears
+of Miss Gauntlet, and confirmed her in the opinion she had conceived
+from his letter; so that she fortified herself in her former sentiments,
+and bore his indifference with great philosophy, Thus a correspondence,
+which had commenced with all the tenderness and sincerity of love,
+and every promise of duration, was interrupted in its infancy by a
+misunderstanding occasioned by the simplicity of Pipes, who never once
+reflected upon the consequences of his deceit.
+
+Though their mutual passion was by these means suppressed for the
+present, it was not altogether extinguished, but glowed in secret,
+though even to themselves unknown, until an occasion, which afterwards
+offered, blew up the latent flame, and love resumed his empire in
+their breasts. While they moved, as it were, without the sphere of each
+other's attraction, the commodore, hearing that Perry was in danger of
+involving himself in some pernicious engagement, resolved, by advice
+of Mr. Jolter and his friend the parish priest, to recall him from the
+place where he had contracted such imprudent connections, and send him
+to the university, where his education might be completed, and his fancy
+weaned from all puerile amusements.
+
+This plan had been proposed to his own father, who, as hath been already
+observed, stood always neuter in everything that concerned his eldest
+son; and as for Mrs. Pickle, she had never heard his name mentioned
+since his departure with any degree of temper or tranquility, except
+when her husband informed her that he was in a fair way of being ruined
+by this indiscreet amour. It was then she began to applaud her own
+foresight, which had discerned the mark of reprobation in that vicious
+boy, and launched out in comparison between him and Gammy, who, she
+observed, was a child of uncommon parts and solidity, and, with the
+blessing of God, would be a comfort to his parents, and an ornament to
+the family.
+
+Should I affirm that this favourite whom she commended so much, was in
+every respect the reverse of what she described; that he was a boy of
+mean capacity, and, though remarkably distorted in his body, much more
+crooked in his disposition; and that she had persuaded her husband to
+espouse her opinion, though it was contrary to common sense, as well as
+to his own perception;--I am afraid the reader will think I represent a
+monster that never existed in nature, and be apt to condemn the economy
+of my invention: nevertheless, there is nothing more true than every
+circumstance of what I have advanced; and I wish the picture, singular
+as it is, may not be thought to resemble more than one original.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+
+
+Peregrine is summoned to attend his Uncle--Is more and more hated by his
+own Mother--Appeals to his Father, whose Condescension is defeated by
+the Dominion of his Wife.
+
+
+But, waiving these reflections, let us return to Peregrine, who received
+a summons to attend his uncle, and in a few days arrived with Mr. Jolter
+and Pipes at the garrison, which he filled with joy and satisfaction.
+The alteration, which, during his absence, had happened in his person,
+was very favourable to his appearance, which, from that of a comely boy,
+was converted into that of a most engaging youth. He was already taller
+than a middle-sized man, his shape ascertained, his sinews well knit,
+his mien greatly improved, and his whole figure as elegant and graceful
+as if it had been cast in the same mould with the Apollo of Belvedere.
+
+Such an outside could not fail of prepossessing people in his favour.
+The commodore, notwithstanding the advantageous reports he had heard,
+found his expectation exceeded in the person of Peregrine, and signified
+his approbation in the most sanguine terms. Mrs. Trunnion was struck
+with his genteel address, and received him with uncommon marks of
+complacency and affection: he was caressed by all the people in the
+neighbourhood, who, while they admired his accomplishments, could
+not help pitying his infatuated mother, for being deprived of that
+unutterable delight which any other parent would have enjoyed in the
+contemplation of such an amiable son.
+
+Divers efforts were made by some well-disposed people to conquer, if
+possible, this monstrous prejudice; but their endeavours, instead of
+curing, served only to inflame the distemper, and she never could be
+prevailed upon to indulge him with the least mark of maternal regard. On
+the contrary, her original disgust degenerated into such inveteracy
+of hatred, that she left no stone unturned to alienate the commodore's
+affection for this her innocent child, and even practised the most
+malicious defamation to accomplish her purpose. Every day, did she abuse
+her husband's ear with some forged instance of Peregrine's ingratitude
+to his uncle, well knowing that it would reach the commodore's knowledge
+at night.
+
+Accordingly Mr. Pickle used to tell him at the club, that his hopeful
+favourite had ridiculed him in such a company, and aspersed his spouse
+on another occasion; and thus retail the little scandalous issue of his
+own wife's invention. Luckily for Peregrine, the commodore paid no
+great regard to the authority of his informer, because he knew from what
+channel the intelligence flowed; besides, the youth had a staunch friend
+in Mr. Hatchway, who never failed to vindicate him when he was thus
+unjustly accused, and always found argument enough to confute the
+assertions of his enemies. But, though Trunnion had been dubious of
+the young gentleman's principles, and deaf to the remonstrances of the
+lieutenant, Perry was provided with a bulwark strong enough to defend
+him from all such assaults. This was no other than his aunt, whose
+regard for him was perceived to increase in the same proportion as his
+own mother's diminished; and, indeed, the augmentation of the one was,
+in all probability, owing to the decrease of the other; for the
+two ladies, with great civility, performed all the duties of good
+neighbourhood, and hated each other most piously in their hearts.
+
+Mrs. Pickle, having been disobliged at the splendour of her sister's
+new equipage, had, ever since that time, in the course of her visiting,
+endeavoured to make people merry with satirical jokes on the poor lady's
+infirmities; and Mrs. Trunnion seized the very first opportunity of
+making reprisals, by inveighing against her unnatural behaviour to her
+own child; so that Peregrine, as on the one hand he was abhorred, so
+on the other was he caressed, in consequence of this contention; and I
+firmly believe that the most effectual method of destroying his interest
+at the garrison, would have been the show of countenancing him at
+his father's house; but, whether this conjecture be reasonable or
+chimerical, certain it is the experiment was never tried, and therefore
+Mr. Peregrine ran no risk of being disgraced. The commodore, who
+assumed, and justly too, the whole merit of his education, was now as
+proud of the youth's improvements as if he had actually been his
+own offspring; and sometimes his affection rose to such a pitch of
+enthusiasm, that he verily believed him to be the issue of his own
+loins. Notwithstanding this favourable predicament in which our hero
+stood with his aunt and her husband, he could not help feeling the
+injury he suffered from the caprice of his mother; and though the gaiety
+of his disposition hindered him from afflicting himself with reflections
+of any gloomy cast, he did not fail to foresee, that if any sudden
+accident should deprive him of the commodore, he would in all likelihood
+find himself in a very disagreeable situation. Prompted by this
+consideration, he one evening accompanied his uncle to the club, and
+was introduced to his father, before that worthy gentleman had the least
+inkling of his arrival.
+
+Mr. Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as at this reencounter. His own
+disposition would not suffer him to do anything that might create
+the least disturbance, or interrupt his enjoyment; so strongly was he
+impressed with the terror of his wife, that he durst not yield to
+the tranquility of his temper: and, as I have already observed, his
+inclination was perfectly neutral. Thus distracted between different
+motives, when Perry was presented to him, he sat silent and absorbed,
+as if he did not or would not perceive the application; and when he was
+urged to declare himself by the youth, who pathetically begged to know
+how he had incurred his displeasure, he answered, in a peevish strain,
+"Why, good now, child, what would you have me to do? your mother can't
+abide you."--"If my mother is so unkind, I will not call it unnatural,"
+said Peregrine, the tears of indignation starting from his eyes, "as
+to banish me from her presence and affection, without the least cause
+assigned; I hope you will not be so unjust as to espouse her barbarous
+prejudice."
+
+Before Mr. Pickle had time to reply to his expostulation, for which
+he was not at all prepared, the commodore interposed, and enforced his
+favourite's remonstrance, by telling Mr. Gamaliel that he was ashamed to
+see any man drive in such a miserable manner under his wife's petticoat.
+"As for my own part," said he, raising his voice, and assuming a look of
+importance and command, "before I would suffer myself to be steered
+all weathers by any woman in Christendom, d'ye see, I'd raise such
+a hurricane about her ears, that--" Here he was interrupted by Mr.
+Hatchway, who thrusting his head towards the door, in the attitude of
+one that listens, cried, "Ahey, there's your spouse come to pay us a
+visit." Trunnion's features that instant adopted a new disposition; fear
+and confusion took possession of his countenance; his voice, from a tone
+of vociferation, sank into a whisper of, "Sure, you must be mistaken,
+Jack;" and, in great perplexity, he wiped off his sweat which had
+started on his forehead at this false alarm. The lieutenant, having thus
+punished him for the rodomontade he had uttered, told him, with an arch
+sneer, that he was deceived with the sound of the outward door creaking
+upon its hinges, which he mistook for Mrs. Trunnion's voice, and desired
+him to proceed with his admonitions to Mr. Pickle. It is not to be
+denied that this arrogance was a little unseasonable to the commodore,
+who was in all respects as effectually subdued to the dominion of his
+wife as the person whose submission he then ventured to condemn; with
+this difference of disposition--, Trunnion's subjection was like that of
+a bear, chequered with fits of surliness and rage; whereas Pickle
+bore the yoke like an ox, without repining. No wonder, then, that
+this indolence, this sluggishness, this stagnation of temper rendered
+Gamaliel incapable of withstanding the arguments and importunity of his
+friends, to which he at length surrendered. He acquiesced in the justice
+of their observations: and, taking his son by the hand, promised to
+favour him for the future with his love and fatherly protection.
+
+But this laudable resolution did not last. Mrs. Pickle, still dubious
+of his constancy, and jealous of his communication with the commodore,
+never failed to interrogate him every night about the conversation that
+happened at the club, and to regulate her exhortations according to the
+intelligence she received. He was no sooner, therefore, conveyed to bed
+(that academy in which all notable wives communicate their lectures),
+when her catechism began; and she in a moment perceived something
+reluctant and equivocal in her husband's answers. Aroused at this
+discovery, she employed her influence and skill with such success, that
+he disclosed every circumstance of what had happened; and after having
+sustained a most severe rebuke for his simplicity and indiscretion,
+humbled himself so far as to promise that he would next day annul the
+condescensions he had made, and for ever renounce the ungracious object
+of her disgust. This undertaking was punctually performed in a letter to
+the commodore, which she herself dictated in these words:--
+
+    "Sir--Whereas my good-nature being last night imposed upon, I
+    was persuaded to countenance and promise I know not what to
+    that vicious youth, whose parent I have the misfortune to be;
+    I desire you will take notice that I will revoke all such
+    countenance and promises, and shall never look upon that man
+    as my friend who will, in such a cause, solicit,--
+    Sir, yours, etc.
+                            "Gam. Pickle."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+
+
+Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Pickle--Peregrine resents the
+Injustice of his Mother, to whom he explains his Sentiments in a
+Letter-Is entered at the University of Oxford, where he signalizes
+himself as a Youth of an enterprising Genius.
+
+
+Unspeakable were the transports of rage to which Trunnion was incensed
+by this absurd renunciation: he tore the letter with his gums (teeth
+he had none), spit with furious grimaces, in token of the contempt
+he entertain the for the author, whom he not only damned as a lousy,
+scabby, nasty, scurvy, skulking lubberly noodle, but resolved to
+challenge to single combat with fire and sword; but, he was dissuaded
+from this violent measure, and appeased by the intervention and advice
+of the lieutenant and Mr. Jolter, who represented the message as the
+effect of the poor man's infirmity, for which he was rather an object
+of pity than of resentment, and turned the stream of his indignation
+against the wife, whom he reviled accordingly. Nor did Peregrine himself
+bear with patience this injurious declaration, the nature of which he no
+sooner understood from Hatchway than, equally shocked and exasperated,
+he retired to his apartment, and, in the first emotions of his ire,
+produced the following epistle, which was immediately conveyed to his
+mother,--
+
+    "Madam,--Had nature formed me a bugbear to the sight, and
+    inspired me with a soul as vicious as my body was detestable,
+    perhaps I might have enjoyed particular marks of your affection
+    and applause; seeing you have persecuted me with such unnatural
+    aversion, for no other visible reason than that of my differing
+    so widely in shape as well as disposition from that deformed
+    urchin who is the object of your tenderness and care. If these be
+    the terms on which alone I can obtain your favour, I pray God
+    you may never cease to hate,--Madam, your much-injured son,
+                           "Peregrine Pickle."
+
+
+This letter, which nothing, but his passion and inexperience could
+excuse, had such an effect upon his mother as may be easily conceived.
+She was enraged to a degree of frenzy against the writer; though, at the
+same time, she considered the whole as the production of Mrs. Trunnion's
+particular pique, and represented it to her husband as an insult that he
+was bound in honour to resent, by breaking off all correspondence with
+the commodore and his family. This was a bitter pill to Gamaliel, who,
+through a long course of years, was so habituated to Trunnion's company,
+that he could as easily have parted with a limb as have relinquished the
+club all at once. He therefore ventured to represent his own incapacity
+to follow her advice, and begged that he might, at least, be allowed to
+drop the connection gradually, protesting that he would do his endeavour
+to give her all manner of satisfaction.
+
+Meanwhile preparations were made for Peregrine's departure to the
+university, and in a few weeks he set out, in the seventeenth year
+of his age, accompanied by the same attendants who lived with him at
+Winchester. His uncle laid strong injunctions upon him to avoid the
+company of immodest women, to mind his learning, to let him hear of
+his welfare as often as he could find time to write, and settled
+his appointments at the rate of five hundred a year, including his
+governor's salary, which was one-fifth part of the sum. The heart of
+our young gentleman dilated at the prospect of the figure he should make
+with such a handsome annuity the management of which was left to his
+own discretion; and he amused his imagination with the most agreeable
+reveries during his journey to Oxford, which he performed in two days.
+Here, being introduced to the head of the college, to whom he had been
+recommended, accommodated with genteel apartments, entered as gentleman
+commoner in the books, and provided with a judicious tutor, instead of
+returning to the study of Greek and Latin, in which he thought himself
+already sufficiently instructed, he renewed his acquaintance with some
+of his old school-fellows, whom he found in the same situation, and was
+by them initiated in all the fashionable diversions of the place.
+
+It was not long before he made himself remarkable for his spirit and
+humour, which were so acceptable to the bucks of the university, that he
+was admitted as a member of their corporation, and in a very little time
+became the most conspicuous personage of the whole fraternity. Not that
+he valued himself upon his ability in smoking the greatest number
+of pipes, and drinking the largest quantity of ale: these were
+qualifications of too gross a nature to captivate his refined ambition.
+He piqued himself on his talent for raillery, his genius and taste,
+his personal accomplishments, and his success at intrigue. Nor were his
+excursions confined to the small villages in the neighbourhood, which
+are commonly visited once a week by the students for the sake of carnal
+recreation. He kept his own horses, traversed the whole country in
+parties of pleasure, attended all the races within fifty miles of
+Oxford, and made frequent jaunts to London, where he used to be
+incognito during the best part of many a term.
+
+The rules of the university were too severe to be observed by a youth
+of his vivacity; and therefore he became acquainted with the proctor
+betimes. But all the checks he received were insufficient to moderate
+his career; he frequented taverns and coffee-houses, committed midnight
+frolics in the streets, insulted all the sober and pacific class of
+his fellow-students: the tutors themselves were not sacred from his
+ridicule; he laughed at the magistrate, and neglected every particular
+of college discipline. In vain did they attempt to restrain his
+irregularities by the imposition of fines; he was liberal to profusion,
+and therefore paid without reluctance. Thrice did he scale the windows
+of a tradesman, with whose daughter he had an affair of gallantry; as
+often was he obliged to seek his safety by a precipitate leap; and one
+night would, in all probability, have fallen a sacrifice to an ambuscade
+that was laid by the father, had not his trusty squire Pipes interposed
+in his behalf, and manfully rescued him from the clubs of his enemies.
+
+In the midst of these excesses, Mr. Jolter, finding his admonitions
+neglected and his influence utterly destroyed, attempted to wean his
+pupil from his extravagant courses, by engaging his attention in some
+more laudable pursuit. With this view he introduced him into a club
+of politicians, who received him with great demonstrations of regard,
+accommodated themselves more than he could have expected to his jovial
+disposition, and while they revolved schemes for the reformation of the
+state, drank with such devotion to the accomplishment of their
+plans, that, before parting, the cares of their patriotism were quite
+overwhelmed.
+
+Peregrine, though he could not approve of their doctrine, resolved to
+attach himself for some time to their company, because he perceived
+ample subject for his ridicule in the characters of these wrong-headed
+enthusiasts. It was a constant practice with them, in their midnight
+consistories, to swallow such plentiful draughts of inspiration, that
+their mysteries commonly ended like those of the Bacchanalian orgia; and
+they were seldom capable of maintaining that solemnity of decorum which,
+by the nature of their functions, most of them were obliged to profess.
+Now, as Peregrine's satirical disposition was never more gratified than
+when he had an opportunity of exposing grave characters in ridiculous
+attitudes, he laid a mischievous snare for his new confederates, which
+took effect in this manner:--In one of their nocturnal deliberations,
+he promoted such a spirit of good fellowship by the agreeable sallies
+of his wit, which were purposely leveled against their political
+adversaries, that by ten o'clock they were all ready to join in the most
+extravagant proposal that could be made. They broke their glasses in
+consequence of his suggestion, drank healths out of their shoes, caps,
+and the bottoms of the candlesticks that stood before them, sometimes
+standing with one foot on a chair, and the knee bent on the edge of
+the table; and when they could no longer stand in that posture, setting
+their bare posteriors on the cold floor. They huzzaed, hallooed, danced,
+and sang, and, in short, were elevated to such a pitch of intoxication,
+that when Peregrine proposed that they should burn their periwigs, the
+hint was immediately approved, and they executed the frolic as one man.
+Their shoes and caps underwent the same fate by the same instigation,
+and in this trim he led them forth into the street, where they resolved
+to compel everybody they should find to subscribe to their political
+creed, and pronounce the Shibboleth of their party. In the achievement
+of this enterprise, they met with more opposition than they expected;
+they were encountered with arguments which they could not well
+withstand; the noses of some, and eyes of others, in a very little
+time bore the marks of obstinate disputation. Their conductor having at
+length engaged the whole body in a fray with another squadron which was
+pretty much in the same condition, he very fairly gave them the slip,
+and slyly retreated to his apartment, foreseeing that his companions
+would soon be favoured with the notice of their superiors: nor was he
+deceived in his prognostic; the proctor, going his round, chanced to
+fall in with this tumultuous uproar, and, interposing his authority,
+found means to quiet the disturbance. He took cognizance of their names,
+and dismissed the rioters to their respective chambers, not a little
+scandalized at the behaviour of some among them, whose business and
+duty it was to set far other examples for the youth under their care and
+direction.
+
+About midnight, Pipes, who had orders to attend at a distance, and keep
+an eye upon Jolter, brought home that unfortunate governor upon his
+back, Peregrine having beforehand secured his admittance into the
+college; and among other bruises, he was found to have received a couple
+of contusions on his face, which next morning appeared in a black circle
+that surrounded each eye.
+
+This was a mortifying circumstance to a man of his character and
+deportment, especially as he had received a message from the proctor,
+who desired to see him forthwith. With great humility and contrition
+he begged the advice of his pupil, who being used to amuse himself with
+painting, assured Mr. Jolter that he would cover those signs of disgrace
+with a slight coat of flesh-colour so dexterously, that it would be
+almost impossible to distinguish the artificial from the natural skin.
+The rueful governor, rather than expose such opprobrious tokens to the
+observation and censure of the magistrate, submitted to the expedient.
+Although his counsellor had overrated his own skill, he was persuaded to
+confide in the disguise, and actually attended the proctor, with such
+a staring addition to the natural ghastliness of his features, that
+his visage bore a very apt resemblance to some of those ferocious
+countenances that hang over the doors of certain taverns and ale-houses,
+under the denomination of the Saracen's head.
+
+Such a remarkable alteration of physiognomy could not escape the notice
+of the most undiscerning beholder, much less the penetrating eye of his
+severe judge, already whetted with what he had seen over-night. He was
+therefore upbraided with this ridiculous and shallow artifice, and,
+together with the companions of his debauch, underwent such a cutting
+reprimand for the scandalous irregularity of his conduct, that all of
+them remained crest-fallen, and were ashamed, for many weeks, to appear
+in the public execution of their duty.
+
+Peregrine was too vain of his finesse, to conceal the part he acted in
+this comedy, with the particulars of which he regaled his companions,
+and thereby entailed upon himself the hate and resentment of the
+community whose maxims and practices he had disclosed: for he was
+considered as a spy, who had intruded himself into their society, with a
+view of betraying it; or, at best, as an apostate and renegado from the
+faith and principles which he had professed.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+
+
+He is insulted by his Tutor, whom he lampoons--Makes a considerable
+Progress in Polite Literature; and, in an Excursion to Windsor, meets
+with Emilia by accident, and is very coldly received.
+
+
+Among those who suffered by his craft and infidelity was Mr. Jumble,
+his own tutor, who could not at all digest the mortifying affront he had
+received, and was resolved to be revenged on the insulting author. With
+this view he watched the conduct of Mr. Pickle with the utmost rancour
+of vigilance, and let slip no opportunity of treating him disrespect,
+which he knew the disposition of his pupil could less brook than any
+other severity it was in his power to exercise.
+
+Peregrine had been several mornings absent from chapel; and as Mr.
+Jumble never failed to question him in a very peremptory style about his
+non-attendance, he invented some very plausible excuses; but at length
+his ingenuity was exhausted: he received a very galling rebuke for his
+proffigacy of morals; and, that he might feel it the more sensibly, was
+ordered, by way of exercise, to compose a paraphrase in English verse
+upon these two lines in Virgil:--
+
+    Vane Ligur, frustraque animis elate superbis,
+    Nequicquam patrias tentasti lubricus artes.
+
+
+The imposition of this invidious theme had all the desired effect upon
+Peregrine, who not only considered it as a piece of unmannerly abuse
+leveled against his own conduct, but also a retrospective insult on
+the memory of his grandfather, who, as he had been informed, was in his
+lifetime more noted for his cunning than candour in trade.
+
+Exasperated at this instance of the pedant's audacity, he had well nigh,
+in his first transports, taken corporal satisfaction on the spot;
+but, foreseeing the troublesome consequences that would attend such
+a flagrant outrage against the laws of the university, he checked his
+indignation, and resolved to revenge the injury in a more cool and
+contemptuous manner. Thus determined, he set on foot an inquiry into
+the particulars of Jumble's parentage and education. He learnt that the
+father of this insolent tutor was a brick-layer, that his mother sold
+pies, and that the son, in different periods of his youth, had amused
+himself in both occupations, before he converted his views to the study
+of learning. Fraught with this intelligence, he composed the following
+ballad in doggerel rhymes; and next day, presented it as a gloss upon
+the text which the tutor had chosen:--
+
+    Come, listen, ye students of every degree;
+    I sing of a wit and a tutor perdie,
+    A statesman profound, a critic immense,
+    In short a mere jumble of learning and sense;
+    And yet of his talents though laudably vain,
+    His own family arts he could never attain.
+
+    His father, intending his fortune to build,
+    In his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield,
+    But the mortar of discipline never would stick,
+    For his skull was secured by a facing of brick;
+    And with all his endeavours of patience and pain,
+    The skill of his sire he could never attain.
+
+    His mother, a housewife neat, artful, and wise,
+    Renown'd for her delicate biscuit and pies,
+    soon alter'd his studies, by flattering his taste,
+    From the raising of walls to the rearing of paste!
+    But all her instructions were fruitless and vain;
+    The pie-making mystery he ne'er could attain.
+
+    Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen
+    A jumble of both their professions, I ween;
+    For, when his own genius he ventured to trust,
+    His pies seemed of brick, and his houses of crust.
+    Then good Mr. Tutor, pray be not so vain,
+    Since your family arts you could never attain.
+
+
+This impudent production was the most effectual vengeance he could
+have taken on his tutor, who had all the supercilious arrogance and
+ridiculous pride of a low-born pedant. Instead of overlooking this
+petulant piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain that
+became a person of his gravity and station, he no sooner cast his eye
+over the performance, than the blood rushed into his countenance, and
+immediately after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quivering lip,
+he told his pupil, that he was an impertinent jackanapes; and he would
+take care that he should be expelled from the university, for having
+presumed to write and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel.
+Peregrine answered, with great resolution, that when the provocation
+he had received should be known, he was persuaded that he should be
+acquitted by the opinion of all impartial people; and that he was ready
+to submit the whole to the decision of the master.
+
+This arbitration he proposed, because he knew the master and Jumble were
+at variance; and, for that reason, the tutor durst not venture to put
+the cause on such an issue. Nay, when this reference was mentioned,
+Jumble, who was naturally jealous, suspected that Peregrine had a
+promise of protection before he undertook to commit such an outrageous
+insult; and this notion had such an effect upon him, that he decided
+to devour his vexation, and wait for a more proper opportunity of
+gratifying his hate. Meanwhile, copies of the ballad were distributed
+among the students, who sang it under the very nose of Mr. Jumble, to
+the tune of "A Cobbler there was" etc.; and the triumph of our hero
+was complete. Neither was his whole time devoted to the riotous
+extravagancies of youth. He enjoyed many lucid intervals, during which
+he contracted a more intimate acquaintance with the classics, applied
+himself to the reading of history, improved his taste for painting and
+music, in which he made some progress; and, above all things, cultivated
+the study of natural philosophy. It was generally after a course of
+close attention to some of these arts and sciences, that his disposition
+broke out into those irregularities and wild sallies of a luxuriant
+imagination, for which he became so remarkable; and he was perhaps the
+only young man in Oxford who, at the same time, maintained an intimate
+and friendly intercourse with the most unthinking, as well as the most
+sedate students at the university.
+
+It is not to be supposed that a young man of Peregrine's vanity,
+inexperience, and profusion, could suit his expense to his allowance,
+liberal as it was--for he was not one of those fortunate people who are
+born economists, and knew not the art of withholding his purse when he
+saw his companion in difficulty. Thus naturally generous and expensive,
+he squandered away his money, and made a most splendid appearance upon
+the receipt of his quarterly appointment; but long before the third
+month was elapsed, his finances were consumed: and as he could not stoop
+to ask an extraordinary supply, was too proud to borrow, and too haughty
+to run in debt with tradesmen, he devoted those periods of poverty to
+the prosecution of his studies, and shone forth again at the revolution
+of quarter-day.
+
+In one of these eruptions he and some of his companions went to Windsor,
+in order to see the royal apartments in the castle, whither they
+repaired in the afternoon; and as Peregrine stood contemplating the
+picture of Hercules and Omphale, one of his fellow-students whispered in
+his car, "Zounds! Pickle, there are two fine girls!" He turned instantly
+about, and in one of them recognized his almost forgotten Emilia; her
+appearance acted upon his imagination like a spark of fire that falls
+among gun-powder; that passion which had lain dormant for the space of
+two years, flashed up in a moment, and he was seized with a trepidation.
+She perceived and partook of his emotion; for their souls, like unisons,
+vibrated with the same impulse. However, she called her pride and
+resentment to her aid, and found resolution enough to retire from such a
+dangerous scene.
+
+Alarmed at her retreat, he recollected all his assurance, and, impelled
+by love, which he could no longer resist, followed her into the next
+room, where, in the most disconcerted manner, he accosted her with "Your
+humble servant, Miss Gauntlet;" to which salutation she replied, with
+an affectation of indifference, that did not, however, conceal her
+agitation, "Your servant, sir;" and immediately extending her finger
+toward the picture of Duns Scotus, which is fixed over one of the doors,
+asked her companion, in a giggling tone, if she did not think he looked
+like a conjurer? Peregrine, nettled into spirits by this reception,
+answered for the other lady, "that it was an easy matter to be a
+conjurer in those times, when the simplicity of the age assisted his
+divination; but were he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead now,
+when such deceit and dissimulation prevail, they would not be able to
+earn their bread by the profession."--"O! Sir," said she, turning
+full upon him, "without doubt they would adopt new maxims; 'tis
+no disparagement in this enlightened age for one to alter one's
+opinion."--"No, sure, madam," replied the youth, with some
+precipitation, "provided the change be for the better."--"And should
+it happen otherwise," retorted the nymph, with a flirt of her
+fan, "inconstancy will never want countenance from the practice of
+mankind."-"True, madam," resumed our hero, fixing his eyes upon her;
+"examples of levity are every where to be met with."-"Oh Lord, sir,"
+cried Emilia, tossing her head, "you'll scarce ever find a fop without
+it."
+
+By this time his companion, seeing him engaged with one of the ladies,
+entered into conversation with the other; and, in order to favour his
+friend's gallantry, conducted her into the next apartment, on pretence
+of entertaining her with the sight of a remarkable piece of painting.
+
+Peregrine, laying hold on this opportunity of being alone with the
+object of his love, assumed a most seducing tenderness of look, and,
+heaving a profound sigh, asked if she had utterly discarded him from
+her remembrance. Reddening at this pathetic question, which recalled the
+memory of the imagined slight he had put upon her, she answered in great
+confusion, "Sir, I believe I once had the pleasure of seeing you at a
+ball in Winchester."--"Miss Emilia," said he, very gravely, "will you
+be so candid as to tell me what misbehaviour of mine you are pleased to
+punish, by restricting your remembrance to that single occasion?"--"Mr.
+Pickle," she replied, in the same tone, "it is neither my province
+nor inclination to judge your conduct; and therefore you misapply your
+question when you ask such an explanation of me"--"At least" resumed our
+lover, "give me the melancholy satisfaction to know for what offence
+of mine you refused to take least notice of that letter which I had the
+honour to write from Winchester by your own express permission."--"Your
+letter," said miss, with great vivacity, "neither required, nor, in my
+opinion, deserved an answer; and to be free with you, Mr. Pickle, it
+was but a shallow artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence you had
+deigned to solicit."
+
+Peregrine, confounded at this repartee, replied that howsoever he might
+have failed in point of elegance or discretion, he was sure he had not
+been deficient in expressions of respect and devotion for those charms
+which it was his pride to adore: "As for the verses," said he, "I own
+they were unworthy of the theme; but I flattered myself that they would
+have merited your acceptance, though not your approbation, and been
+considered not so much as the proof of my genius, as the genuine
+effusion of my love."--"Verses," cried Emilia with an air of
+astonishment, "what verses? I really don't understand you."
+
+The young gentleman was thunderstruck at this exclamation; to which,
+after a long pause, he answered: "I begin to suspect, and heartily wish
+it may appear, that we have misunderstood each other from the beginning.
+Pray, Miss Gauntlet, did you not find a copy of verses inclosed in that
+unfortunate letter?"--"Truly, sit," said the lady, "I am not so much of
+a connoisseur as to distinguish whether that facetious production, which
+you merrily style as an unfortunate letter, was composed in verse or
+prose; but methinks, the jest is a little too stale to be brought upon
+the carpet again." So saying, she tripped away to her companion, and
+left her lover in a most tumultuous suspense. He now perceived that her
+neglect of his addresses when he was at Winchester, must have been owing
+to some mystery which he could not comprehend; and she began to suspect
+and to hope that the letter which she received was spurious, though
+she could not conceive how that could possibly happen, as it had been
+delivered to her by the hands of his own servant.
+
+However, she resolved to leave the task of unravelling this affair to
+him, who, she knew, would infallibly exert himself for his own as well
+as her satisfaction. She was not deceived in her opinion: he went up
+to her again at the staircase, and, as they were improvided with a male
+attendant, insisted upon squiring the ladies to their lodgings. Emilia
+saw his drift, which was no other than to know where she lived; and
+though she approved of his contrivance, thought it was incumbent upon
+her, for the support of her own dignity, to decline the chivalry;
+she therefore thanked him for his polite offer, but would by no means
+consent to his giving himself such unnecessary trouble, especially as
+they had a very little way to walk. He was not repulsed by this refusal,
+the nature of which he perfectly understood; nor was she sorry to see
+him persevere in his determination: he therefore accompanied them
+in their return, and made divers efforts to speak with Emilia in
+particular; but she had a spice of the coquette in her disposition,
+and being determined to whet his impatience, artfully baffled all
+his endeavours, by keeping her companion continually engaged in the
+conversation, which turned upon the venerable appearance and imperial
+situation of the place. Thus tantalized, he lounged with them to the
+door of the house in which they lodged, when his mistress, perceiving,
+by the countenance of her comrade, that she was on the point of desiring
+him to walk in, checked her intention with a frown; then, turning to Mr.
+Pickle, dropped him a very formal curtsy, seized the other young lady by
+the arm, and saying, "Come, cousin Sophy," vanished in a moment.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+
+
+After sundry unsuccessful Efforts, he finds means to come to an
+Explanation with his Mistress; and a Reconciliation ensues.
+
+
+Peregrine, disconcerted at their sudden disappearance, stood for some
+minutes gaping in the street, before he could get the better of his
+surprise; and then deliberated with himself whether he should demand
+immediate admittance to his mistress, or choose some other method of
+application. Piqued at her abrupt behaviour, though pleased with her
+spirit, he set his invention to work, in order to contrive some means
+of seeing her: and in a fit of musing arrived at the inn, where he found
+his companions, whom he had left at the castle-gate. They had already
+made inquiry about the ladies; in consequence of which he learnt that
+Miss Sophy was daughter of a gentleman in town to which his mistress
+was related; that an intimate friendship subsisted between the two
+young ladies; that Emilia had lived almost a month with her cousin, and
+appeared at the last assembly, where she was universally admired: and
+that several young gentlemen of fortune had since that time teased her
+with addresses.
+
+Our hero's ambition was flattered, and his passion inflamed with this
+intelligence; and he swore within himself that he would not quit the
+spot until he should have obtained an undisputed victory over all his
+rivals.
+
+That same evening he composed a most eloquent epistle, in which he
+earnestly entreated that she would favour him with an opportunity of
+vindicating his conduct: but she would neither receive his billet, nor
+see his messenger. Balked in this effort, he inclosed it in a new cover
+directed by another hand, and ordered Pipes to ride next morning to
+London, on purpose to deliver it at the post-office; that coming by such
+conveyance she might have no suspicion of the author, and open it before
+she should be aware of the deceit.
+
+Three days he waited patiently for the effect of this stratagem, and,
+in the afternoon of the fourth, ventured to hazard a formal visit, in
+quality of an old acquaintance. But here too he failed in his attempt:
+she was indisposed, and could not see company. These obstacles
+served only to increase his eagerness: he still adhered to his former
+resolution; and his companions, understanding his determination, left
+him next day to his own inventions. Thus relinquished to his own ideas,
+he doubled his assiduity, and practised every method his imagination
+could suggest, in order to promote his plan.
+
+Pipes was stationed all day long within sight of her door, that he might
+be able to give his master an account of her motions; but she never
+went abroad except to visit in the neighbourhood, and was always housed
+before Peregrine could be apprised of her appearance. He went to church
+with a view of attracting her notice, and humbled his deportment before
+her; but she was so mischievously devout as to look at nothing but
+her book, so that he was not favoured with one glance of regard. He
+frequented the coffee-house, and attempted to contract an acquaintance
+with Miss Sophy's father, who, he hoped, would invite him to his house:
+but this expectation was also defeated. That prudent gentleman looked
+upon him as one of those forward fortune-hunters who go about the
+country seeking whom they may devour, and warily discouraged all his
+advances. Chagrined by so many unsuccessful endeavours, he began to
+despair of accomplishing his aim; and, as the last suggestion of his
+art, paid off his lodging, took horse at noon, and departed, in all
+appearance, for the place from whence he had come. He rode, but a few
+miles, and in the dusk of the evening returned unseen, alighted at
+another inn, ordered Pipes to stay within doors, and keeping himself
+incognito, employed another person as a sentinel upon Emilia.
+
+It was not long before he reaped the fruits of his ingenuity. Next day
+in the afternoon he was informed by his spy that the two young ladies
+were gone to walk in the park, whither he followed them on the instant,
+fully determined to come to an explanation with his mistress, even in
+presence of her friend, who might possibly be prevailed upon to interest
+herself in his behalf.
+
+When he saw them at such a distance that they could not return to
+town before he should have an opportunity of putting his resolution in
+practice, he mended his pace, and found means to appear before them
+so suddenly, that Emilia could not help expressing her surprise in a
+scream. Our lover, putting on a mien of humility and mortification,
+begged to know if her resentment was implacable; and asked why she had
+so cruelly refused to grant him the common privilege that every
+criminal enjoyed. "Dear Miss Sophy," said he, addressing himself to her
+companion, "give me leave to implore your intercession with your cousin.
+I am sure you have humanity enough to espouse my cause, did you but know
+the justice of it; and I flatter myself that by your kind interposition
+I may be able to rectify that fatal misunderstanding which hath made
+me wretched."--"Sir," said Sophy, "you appear like a gentleman, and
+I doubt not but your behaviour has been always suitable to your
+appearance; but you must excuse me from undertaking any such office
+in behalf of a person whom I have not the honour to know."--"Madam,"
+answered Peregrine, "I hope Miss Emy will justify my pretensions to that
+character, notwithstanding the mystery of her displeasure, which, upon
+my honour, I cannot for my soul explain."--"Lord! Mr. Pickle," said
+Emilia, who had by this time recollected herself, "I never questioned
+your gallantry and taste; but I am resolved that you shall never have
+cause to exercise your talents at my expense; so that you tease yourself
+and me to no purpose. Come, Sophy, let us walk home again."--"Good God!
+madam," cried the lover, with great emotion, "why will you distract me
+with such barbarous indifference? Stay, dear Emilia!--I conjure you on
+my knees to stay and hear me. By all that is sacred, I was not to blame.
+You must have been imposed upon by some villain who envied my good
+fortune, and took some treacherous method to ruin my love."
+
+Miss Sophy, who possessed a large stock of good nature, and to whom
+her cousin had communicated the cause of her reserve, seeing the young
+gentleman so much affected with that disdain which she knew to be
+feigned, laid hold on Emilia's sleeve, saying, with a smile, "Not quite
+so fast, Emily. I begin to perceive that this is a love-quarrel, and
+therefore there may be hopes of a reconciliation; for I suppose both
+parties are open to conviction."--"For my own part," cried Peregrine,
+with great eagerness, "I appeal to Miss Sophy's decision. But why do I
+say appeal? Though I am conscious of having committed no offence, I am
+ready to submit to any penance, let it be never so rigorous, that my
+fair enslaver herself shall impose, provided it will entitle me to
+her favour and forgiveness at last." Emily, well nigh overcome by this
+declaration, told him, that as she taxed him with no guilt, she expected
+no atonement, and pressed her companion to return to town. But Sophy,
+who was too indulgent to her friend's real inclination to comply with
+her request, observed that the gentleman seemed so reasonable in his
+concessions, that she began to think her cousin was in the wrong, and
+felt herself disposed to act as umpire in the dispute.
+
+Overjoyed at this condescension, Mr. Pickle thanked her in the most
+rapturous terms, and, in the transport of his expectation, kissed the
+hand of his kind mediatrix--a circumstance which had a remarkable effect
+on the countenance of Emilia, who did not seem to relish the warmth of
+his acknowledgment.
+
+After many supplications on one hand, and pressing remonstrances on the
+other, she yielded at length, and, turning to her lover while her face
+was overspread with blushes,--"Well, sir," said she, "supposing I were
+to put the difference on that issue, how could you excuse the ridiculous
+letter which you sent to me from Winchester?" This expostulation
+introduced a discussion of the whole affair, in which all the
+circumstances were canvassed; and Emilia still affirmed, with great
+heat, that the letter must have been calculated to affront her; for she
+could not suppose the author was so weak as to design it for any other
+purpose.
+
+Peregrine, who still retained in his memory the substance of this
+unlucky epistle, as well as the verses which were inclosed, could
+recollect no particular expression which could have justly given the
+least umbrage; and therefore, in the agonies of perplexity, begged
+that the whole might be submitted to the judgment of Miss Sophy, and
+faithfully promised to stand to her award. In short, this proposal was,
+with seeming reluctance, embraced by Emilia, and an appointment made to
+meet next day in the place, whither both parties were desired to come
+provided with their credentials, according to which definitive sentence
+would be pronounced.
+
+Our lover, having succeeded thus far, overwhelmed Sophy with
+acknowledgments on account of her generous mediation; and in the course
+of their walk, which Emilia was now in no hurry to conclude, whispered
+a great many tender protestations in the ear of his mistress, who
+nevertheless continued to act upon the reserve, until her doubts should
+be more fully resolved.
+
+Mr. Pickle, having found means to amuse them in the fields till the
+twilight, was obliged to wish them good even, after having obtained a
+solemn repetition of their promise to meet him at the appointed time
+and place, and then retreated to his apartment, where he spent the whole
+night in various conjectures on the subject of the letter, the Gordian
+knot of which he could by no means untie. One while he imagined that
+some wag had played a trick on his messenger, in consequence of
+which Emilia had received a supposititious letter; but, upon farther
+reflection, he could not conceive the practicability of any such deceit.
+Then he began to doubt the sincerity of his mistress, who perhaps had
+only made that a handle for discarding him, at the request of some
+favoured rival; but his own integrity forbade him to harbour this mean
+suspicion; and therefore he was again involved in the labyrinth of
+perplexity. Next day he waited on the rack of impatience for the hour of
+five in the afternoon, which no sooner struck than he ordered Pipes
+to attend him, in case there should be occasion for his evidence, and
+repaired to the place of rendezvous, where he had not tarried five
+minutes before the ladies appeared. Mutual compliments being passed, and
+the attendant stationed at a convenient distance, Peregrine persuaded
+them to sit down upon the grass, under the shade of a spreading oak,
+that they might be more at their ease; while he stretched himself at
+their feet, and desired that the paper on which his doom depended might
+be examined. It was accordingly put into the hand of his fair arbitress,
+who read it immediately with an audible voice. The first two words of
+it were no sooner pronounced, than he started, with great emotion, and
+raised himself upon his hand and knee, in which posture he listened
+to the rest of the sentence; then sprang upon his feet in the utmost
+astonishment, and, glowing with resentment at the same time, exclaimed,
+"Hell and the devil! what's all that? Sure you make a jest of me,
+madam!"--"Pray, sir," said Sophy, "give me the hearing for a few
+moments, and then urge what you shall think proper in your own defence."
+Having thus cautioned him, she proceeded; but before she had finished
+one-half of the performance, her gravity forsook her, and she was seized
+with a violent fit of laughter, in which neither of the lovers could
+help joining, notwithstanding the resentment which at that instant
+prevailed in the breasts of both. The judge, however, in a little
+time, resumed her solemnity, and having read the remaining part of this
+curious epistle, all three continued staring at each other alternately
+for the space of half a minute, and then broke forth at the same instant
+in another paroxysm of mirth. From this unanimous convulsion, one would
+have thought that both parties were extremely well pleased with a joke,
+yet this was by no means the case.
+
+Emilia imagined that, notwithstanding his affected surprise, her lover,
+in spite of himself, had received the laugh at her expense, and in so
+doing applauded his own unmannerly ridicule. This supposition could not
+fail of raising and reviving her indignation, while Peregrine highly
+resented the indignity, with which he supposed himself treated, in their
+attempting to make him the dupe of such a gross and ludicrous artifice.
+This being the situation of their thoughts, their mirth was succeeded by
+a mutual gloominess of aspect; and the judge, addressing herself to Mr.
+Pickle, asked if he had anything to offer why sentence should not be
+pronounced? "Madam," answered the culprit, "I am sorry to find myself
+so low in the opinion of your cousin as to be thought capable of being
+deceived by such shallow contrivance."--"Nay, sir," said Emilia, "the
+contrivance is your own; and I cannot help admiring your confidence in
+imputing it to me."--"Upon my honour, Miss Emily, resumed our hero, "you
+wrong my understanding, as well as my love, in accusing me of having
+written such a silly, impertinent performance. The very appearance and
+address of it is so unlike the letter which I did myself the honour
+to write, that I dare say my man, even at this distance of time, will
+remember the difference."
+
+So saying, he extended his voice, and beckoned to Pipes, who immediately
+drew near. His mistress seemed to object to the evidence, by observing
+that to be sure Mr. Pipes had his cue; when Peregrine, begging she would
+spare him the mortification of considering him in such a dishonourable
+light, desired his valet to examine the outside of the letter, and
+recollect if it was the same which he had delivered to Miss Gauntlet
+about two years ago. Pipes, having taken a superficial view of it,
+pulled up his breeches, saying, "Mayhap it is, but we have made so many
+trips, and been in so many creeks and corners since that time, that I
+can't pretend to be certain; for I neither keep journal nor log-book of
+our proceedings." Emilia commended him for his candour, at the same
+time darting a sarcastic look at his master, as if she thought he had
+tampered with his servant's integrity in vain; and Peregrine began to
+live and curse his fate for having subjected him to such mean suspicion,
+attesting heaven and earth in the most earnest manner, that far from
+having composed and conveyed that stupid production, he had never seen
+it before, nor been privy to the least circumstance of the plan.
+
+Pipes, now, for the first time, perceived the mischief which he had
+occasioned; and, moved with the transports of his master, for whom he
+had a most inviolable attachment, frankly declared he was ready to make
+oath that Mr. Pickle had no hand in the letter which he delivered. All
+three were amazed at this confession, the meaning of which they could
+not comprehend. Peregrine, after some pause, leaped upon Pipes, and
+seizing him by the throat, exclaimed, in an ecstasy of rage. "Rascal!
+tell me this instant what became of the letter I entrusted to your
+care." The patient valet, half-strangled as he was, squirted a
+collection of tobacco-juice out of one corner of his mouth, and with
+great deliberation replied, "Why, burnt it, you wouldn't have me to give
+the young woman a thing that shook all in the wind in tatters, would
+you?" The ladies interposed in behalf of the distressed squire, from
+whom, by dint of questions which he had neither art nor inclination to
+evade, they extorted an explanation of the whole affair.
+
+Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of intention appeared in the
+composition of his expedient, that even the remembrance of all the
+chagrin which it had produced, could not rouse their indignation, or
+enable the to resist a third eruption of laughter which they forthwith
+underwent. Pipes was dismissed, with many menacing injunctions to beware
+of such conduct for the future; Emilia stood with a confusion of joy and
+tenderness in her countenance; Peregrine's eyes kindled into rapture,
+and, when Miss Sophy pronounced the sentence of reconciliation, advanced
+to his mistress, saying, "Truth is mighty, and will prevail;" then
+clapping her in his arms, very impudently ravished a kiss, which she had
+not power to refuse. Nay, such was the impulse of his joy, that he took
+the same freedom with the lips of Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrix
+and guardian angel; and behaved with such extravagance of transport, as
+plainly evinced the fervour and sincerity of his love.
+
+I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protestations that were uttered
+on one side, or describe the bewitching glances of approbation with
+which they were received on the other, suffice it to say that the
+endearing intimacy of their former connection was instantly renewed, and
+Sophy, who congratulated them on the happy termination of their quarrel,
+favoured with their mutual confidence. In consequence of this happy
+pacification, they deliberated upon the means of seeing each other
+often; and as he could not, without some previous introduction, visit
+her openly at the house of her relation, they agreed to meet every
+afternoon in the park till the next assembly, at which he would solicit
+her as a partner, and she be unengaged, in expectation of his request.
+By this connection he would be entitled to visit her next day, and
+thus an avowed correspondence would of course commence. This plan was
+actually put in execution, and attended with a circumstance which had
+well-nigh produced some mischievous consequence, had not Peregrine's
+good fortune been superior to his discretion.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+
+
+He achieves an Adventure at the Assembly, and quarrels with his
+Governor.
+
+
+At the assembly, were no fewer than three gentlemen of fortune, who
+rivalled our lover in his passion for Emilia, and who had severally
+begged the honour of dancing with her upon this occasion. She had
+excused herself to each, on pretence of a slight indisposition that she
+foresaw would detain her from the ball, and desired they would provide
+themselves with other partners. Obliged to admit her excuse, they
+accordingly followed her advice; and after they had engaged themselves
+beyond the power of retracting, had the mortification of seeing her
+there unclaimed. They in their turn made up to her, and expressed their
+surprise and concern at finding her in the assembly unprovided, after
+she had declined their invitation; but she told them that her cold had
+forsaken her since she had the pleasure of seeing them, and that she
+would rely upon accident for a partner. Just as she pronounced these
+words to the last of the three, Peregrine advanced as an utter stranger,
+bowed with great respect, told her he understood she was unengaged, and
+would think himself highly honoured in being accepted as her partner for
+the night; and he had the good fortune to succeed in his application.
+
+As they were by far the handsomest and best-accomplished couple in the
+room, they could not fail of attracting the notice and admiration of the
+spectators, which inflamed the jealousy of his three competitors, who
+immediately entered into a conspiracy against this gaudy stranger, whom,
+as their rival, they resolved to affront in public. Pursuant to the plan
+which they projected for this purpose, the first country-dance was no
+sooner concluded, than one of them, with his partner, took place of
+Peregrine and his mistress, contrary to the regulation of the ball. Our
+lover, imputing his behaviour to inadvertency, informed the gentleman of
+his mistake, and civilly desired he would rectify his error. The other
+told him, in an imperious tone, that he wanted none of his advice, and
+bade him mind his own affairs. Peregrine answered, with some warmth, and
+insisted upon his right: a dispute commenced, high words, ensued, in the
+course of which, our impetuous youth hearing himself reviled with the
+appellation of scoundrel, pulled off his antagonist's periwig, and
+flung it in his face. The ladies immediately shrieked, the gentlemen
+interposed, Emilia was seized with a fit of trembling, and conducted
+to her seat by her youthful admirer, who begged pardon for having
+discomposed her, and vindicated what he had done, by representing the
+necessity he was under to resent the provocation he had received.
+
+Though she could not help owning the justice of his plea, she not the
+less concerned at the dangerous situation in which he had involved
+himself, and, in the utmost consternation and anxiety, insisted upon
+going directly home: he could not resist her importunities; and her
+cousin being determined to accompany her, he escorted to their lodgings,
+where he wished them good night, after having, in order to quiet their
+apprehensions, protested, that if his opponent was satisfied, he should
+never take any step towards the prosecution of the quarrel. Meanwhile
+the assembly-room became a of scene of tumult and uproar: the person who
+conceived himself injured, seeing Peregrine retire, struggled with his
+companions, in order to pursue and take satisfaction of our hero, whom
+he loaded with terms of abuse, and challenged to single combat. The
+director of the ball held a consultation with all the subscribers who
+were present; and it was determined, by a majority of votes, that the
+two gentlemen who had occasioned the disturbance should be desired to
+withdraw. This resolution being signified to one of the parties then
+present, he made some difficulty of complying, but was persuaded to
+submit by his two confederates, who accompanied him to the street-door,
+where he was met by Peregrine on his return to the assembly.
+
+This choleric gentleman, who was a country squire, no sooner saw his
+rival, than he began to brandish his cudgel in a menacing posture, when
+our adventurous youth, stepping back with one foot, laid his hand upon
+the hilt of his sword, which he drew half way out of the scabbard. This
+attitude, and the sight of the blade which glistened by moonlight in his
+face, checked, in some sort, the ardour of his assailant, who desired
+he would lay aside his toaster, and take a bout with him at equal arms.
+Peregrine, who was an expert cudgel-player, accepted the invitation:
+then, exchanging weapons with Pipes, who stood behind him, put himself
+in a posture of defence, and received the attack of his adversary, who
+struck at random, without either skill or economy. Pickle could have
+beaten the cudgel out of his hand at the first blow; but as in that
+case he would have been obliged in honour to give immediate quarter, he
+resolved to discipline his antagonist without endeavouring to disable
+him, until he should be heartily satisfied with the vengeance he had
+taken. With this view be returned the salute, and raised such a clatter
+about the squire's pate, that one who had heard without seeing the
+application, would have taken the sound for that of a salt-box, in the
+hand of a dexterous merry-andrew, belonging to one of the booths at
+Bartholomew-fair. Neither was this salutation confined to his head: his
+shoulders, arms, thighs, ankles, and ribs, were visited with amazing
+rapidity, while Tom Pipes sounded the charge through his fist.
+Peregrine, tired with his exercise, which had almost bereft his enemy of
+sensation, at last struck the decisive blow, in consequence of which the
+squire's weapon flew out of his grasp, and he allowed our hero to be
+the better man. Satisfied with this acknowledgment, the victor walked
+upstairs with such elevation of spirits and insolence of mien, that
+nobody chose to intimate the resolution, which had been taken in his
+absence; there, having amused himself for some time in beholding the
+country-dances, he retreated to his lodging, where he indulged himself
+all night in the contemplation of his own success.
+
+Next day in the forenoon he went to visit his partner; and the
+gentleman, at whose house she lived, having been informed of his family
+and condition, received him with great courtesy, as the acquaintance of
+his cousin Gauntlet, and invited him to dinner that same day. Emilia was
+remarkably well pleased, when she understood the issue of his adventure,
+which began to make some noise in town even though it deprived her of
+a wealthy admirer. The squire, having consulted an attorney about the
+nature of the dispute, in hopes of being able to prosecute Peregrine
+for an assault, found little encouragement to go to law: he therefore
+resolved to pocket the insult and injury he had undergone, and to
+discontinue his addresses to her who was the cause of both.
+
+Our lover being told by his mistress that she proposed to stay a
+fortnight longer in Windsor, he determined to enjoy her company all that
+time, and then to give her a convoy to the house of her mother, whom he
+longed to see. In consequence of this plan, he every day contrived some
+fresh party of pleasure for the ladies, to whom he had by this time free
+access; and entangled himself so much in the snares of love, that he
+seemed quite enchanted by Emilia's charms, which were now indeed almost
+irresistible. While he thus heedlessly roved in the flowery paths of
+pleasure, his governor at Oxford alarmed at the unusual duration of
+his absence, went to the young gentlemen who had accompanied him in his
+excursion, and very earnestly entreated them to tell him, what they
+knew concerning his pupil: they accordingly gave him an account of the
+reencounter that happened between Peregrine and Miss Emily Gauntlet in
+the castle, and mentioned circumstances sufficient to convince him that
+his charge was very dangerously engaged.
+
+Far from having an authority over Peregrine, Mr. Jolter durst not even
+disoblige him: therefore, instead of writing to the commodore, he took
+horse immediately, and that same night reached Windsor, where he found
+his stray sheep very much surprised at his unexpected arrival. The
+governor desiring to have some serious conversation with him, they
+shut themselves up in an apartment, when Jolter, with great solemnity,
+communicated the cause of his journey, which was no other than his
+concern for his pupil's welfare; and very gravely undertook to prove,
+by mathematical demonstration, that this intrigue, if further pursued,
+would tend to the young gentleman's ruin and disgrace. This singular
+proposition raised the curiosity of Peregrine, who promised to yield all
+manner of attention, and desired him to begin without further preamble.
+
+The governor, encouraged by this appearance of candour, expressed his
+satisfaction in finding him so open to conviction, and told him he would
+proceed upon geometrical principles; then, hemming thrice, observed that
+no mathematical inquiries could be carried on, except upon certain data,
+or concessions of truth that were self-evident; and therefore he must
+have his assent to a few axioms, which he was sure Mr. Pickle would see
+no reason to dispute. "In the first place, then," said he, "you will
+grant, I hope, that youth and discretion are with respect to each other
+as two parallel lines, which, though infinitely produced, remain still
+equidistant, and will never coincide: then you must allow that passion
+acts upon the human mind in a ratio compounded of the acuteness of
+sense, and constitutional heat; and, thirdly, you will not deny that
+the angle of remorse is equal to that of precipitation. These postulata
+being admitted," added he, taking pen, ink, and paper, and drawing a
+parallelogram, "let youth be represented by the right line, a b, and
+discretion by another right line, c d, parallel to the former. Complete
+the parallelogram, a b c d, and let the point of intersection, b,
+represent perdition. Let passion, represented under the letter c, have
+a motion in the direction c a. At the same time, let another motion
+be communicated to it, in the direction c d, it will proceed in the
+diagonal c b, and describe it in the same time that it would have
+described the side c a, by the first motion, or the side, c d, by the
+second. To understand the demonstration of this corollary, we must
+premise this obvious principle, that when a body is acted upon by a
+motion of power parallel to a right line given in position, this power,
+or motion, has no effect to cause the body to approach towards that
+line, or recede from it, but to move in a line parallel to a right line
+only; as appears from the second law of motion: therefore c a being
+parallel to d b--"
+
+His pupil having listened to him thus far, could contain himself no
+longer, but interrupted the investigation with a loud laugh, and
+told him that his postulata put him in mind of a certain learned and
+ingenious gentleman, who undertook to disprove the existence of natural
+evil, and asked no other datum on which to found his demonstration,
+but an acknowledgment that "everything that is, is right." "You may
+therefore," said he, in a peremptory tone, "spare yourself the trouble
+of torturing your invention; for, after all, I am pretty certain that
+I shall want capacity to comprehend the discussion of your lemma, and
+consequently be obliged to all the pangs of an ingenuous mind that I
+refuse my assent to your deduction."
+
+Mr. Jolter was disconcerted at this declaration, and so much offended
+at Peregrine's disrespect, that he could not help expressing his
+displeasure, by telling him flatly, that he was too violent and
+headstrong to be reclaimed by reason and gentle means; that he (the
+tutor) must be obliged, in the discharge of his duty and conscience, to
+inform the commodore of his pupil's imprudence; that if the laws of this
+realm were effectual, they would take cognizance of the gipsy who
+had led him astray; and observed, by way of contrast, that if such
+a preposterous intrigue had happened in France, she would have been
+clapped up in a convent two years ago. Our lover's eyes kindled with
+indignation, when he heard his mistress treated with such irreverence:
+he could scarce refrain from inflicting manual chastisement on the
+blasphemer, whom he reproached in his wrath as an arrogant pedant,
+without either delicacy or sense, and cautioned him against rising any
+such impertinent freedoms with his affairs for the future on pain of
+incurring more severe effects of his resentment.
+
+Mr. Jolter, who entertained very high notions of that veneration to
+which he thought himself entitled by his character and qualifications,
+had not borne, without repining, his want of influence and authority
+over his pupil, against whom he cherished a particular grudge ever since
+the adventure of the painted eye; and therefore, on this occasion, his
+politic forbearance had been overcome by the accumulated motives of his
+disgust. Indeed, he would have resigned his charge with disdain, had
+not he been encouraged to persevere, by the hopes of a good living which
+Trunnion had in his gift, or known how to dispose of himself for the
+present to better advantage.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+
+
+He receives a Letter from his Aunt, breaks with the Commodore, and
+disobliges the Lieutenant, who, nevertheless, undertakes his Cause.
+
+
+Meanwhile he quitted the youth in high dudgeon, and that same evening
+despatched a letter for Mrs. Trunnion, which was dictated by the
+first transports of his passion, and of course replete with severe
+animadversions on the misconduct of his pupil. In consequence of this
+complaint, it was not long before Peregrine received an epistle from his
+aunt, wherein she commemorated all the circumstances of the commodore's
+benevolence towards him, when he was helpless and forlorn, deserted and
+abandoned by his own parents; upbraided him for his misbehaviour, and
+neglect of his tutor's advice; and insisted upon his breaking off an
+intercourse with that girl who had seduced his youth, as he valued the
+continuance of her affection and her husband's regard.
+
+As our lover's own ideas of generosity were extremely refined, he was
+shocked at the indelicate insinuations of Mrs. Trunnion, and felt all
+the pangs of an ingenuous mind that labours under obligations to a
+person whom it contemns. Far from obeying her injunction, or humbling
+himself by a submissive answer to her reprehension, his resentment
+buoyed him up above every selfish consideration: he resolved to attach
+himself to Emilia, if possible, more than ever; and although he was
+tempted to punish the officiousness of Jolter, by recriminating upon
+his life and conversation, he generously withstood the impulse of his
+passion, because he knew that his governor had no other dependence than
+the good opinion of the commodore. He could not, however, digest in
+silence the severe expostulations of his aunt; to which he replied by
+the following letter, addressed to her husband:--
+
+    "Sir,--Though my temper could never stoop to offer nor, I
+    believe, your disposition deign to receive, that gross incense
+    which the illiberal only expect, and none but the base-minded
+    condescend to pay; my sentiments have always done justice to
+    your generosity, and my intention scrupulously adhered to the
+    dictates of my duty. Conscious of this integrity of heart, I
+    cannot but severely feel your lady's unkind (I will not call
+    it ungenerous) recapitulation of the favours I have received;
+    and, as I take it for granted that you knew and approved of her
+    letter, I must beg leave to assure you, that, far from being
+    swayed by menaces and reproach, I am determined to embrace the
+    most abject extremity of fortune, rather than submit to such
+    dishonourable compulsion. When I am treated in a more delicate
+    and respectful manner, I hope I shall behave as becomes,--Sir,
+    your obliged
+                                "P. Pickle."
+
+
+The commodore, who did not understand those nice distinctions of
+behaviour, and dreaded the consequence of Peregrine's amour, against
+which he was strangely prepossessed, seemed exasperated at the insolence
+and obstinacy of this adopted son; to whose epistle he wrote the
+following answer, which was transmitted by the hands of Hatchway, who
+had orders to bring the delinquent along with him to the garrison:--
+
+    "Hark ye, child,--You need not bring your fine speeches to bear
+    upon me: you only expend your ammunition to no purpose. Your
+    aunt told you nothing but truth; for it is always fair and
+    honest to be above-board, d'ye see. I am informed as how you
+    are in chase of a painted galley, which will decoy you upon the
+    flats of destruction, unless you keep a better look-out and a
+    surer reckoning than you have hitherto done; and I have sent
+    Jack Hatchway to see how the land lies, and warn you of your
+    danger: if so be as you will put about ship, and let him steer
+    you into this harbour, you shall meet with a safe berth and
+    friendly reception; but if you refuse to alter your course you
+    cannot expect any farther assistance from yours as you behave,
+                                   "Hawser Trunnion."
+
+
+Peregrine was equally piqued and disconcerted at the receipt of this
+letter, which was quite different from what he had expected; and
+declared in a resolute tone to the lieutenant, who brought it, that he
+might return as soon as he pleased, for he was determined to consult his
+own inclination, and remain for some time longer where he was.
+
+Hatchway endeavoured to persuade him, by all the arguments which his
+sagacity and friendship could supply, to show a little more deference
+for the old man, who was by this time rendered fretful and peevish by
+the gout, which now hindered him from enjoying himself as usual, who
+might, in his passion, take some step very much to the detriment of the
+young gentleman, whom he had hitherto considered as his own son. Among
+other remonstrances, Jack observed that mayhap Peregrine had got under
+Emilia's hatches, and did not choose to set her adrift; and that if that
+was the case, he himself would take charge of the vessel, and see her
+cargo safely delivered; for he had a respect for the young woman, and
+his needle pointed towards matrimony; and as, in all probability, she
+could not be much the worse for the wear, he would make shift to scud
+through life with her under an easy sail.
+
+Our lover was deaf to all his admonitions, and, having thanked him
+for this last instance of his complaisance, repeated his resolution of
+adhering to his first purpose. Hatchway, having profited so little by
+mild exhortations: assumed a more peremptory aspect, and plainly told
+him that he neither could nor would go home without him; so he had best
+make immediate preparation for the voyage.
+
+Peregrine made no other reply to this declaration than by a contemptuous
+smile, and rose from his seat in order to retire; upon which the
+lieutenant started up, and, posting himself by the door, protested,
+with some menacing gestures, that he would not suffer him to run a-head
+neither. The other, incensed at his presumption in attempting to detain
+him by force, tripped up his wooden leg, and laid him on his back in a
+moment; then walked deliberately towards the park, in order to indulge
+his reflection, which at that time teemed with disagreeable thoughts. He
+had not proceeded two hundred steps when he heard something blowing and
+stamping behind him; and, looking back, perceived the lieutenant at his
+heels, with rage and indignation in his countenance. This exasperated
+seaman, impatient of the affront he had received, and forgetting all the
+circumstances of their former intimacy, advanced with great eagerness
+to his old friend, saying, "Look ye, brother, you're a saucy boy, and if
+you was at sea, I would have your backside brought to the davit for your
+disobedience; but as we are on shore, you and I must crack a pistol at
+one another: here is a brace; you shall take which you please."
+
+Peregrine, upon recollection, was sorry for having been laid under the
+necessity of disobliging honest Jack, and very frankly asked his pardon
+for what he had done. But this condescension was misinterpreted by the
+other, who refused any other satisfaction but that which an officer
+ought to claim; and, with some irreverent expressions, asked if Perry
+was afraid of his bacon? The youth, inflamed at this unjust insinuation,
+darted a ferocious look at the challenger, told him he had paid but too
+much regard to his infirmities, and bid him walk forward to the park,
+where he would soon convince him of his error, if he thought his
+concession proceeded from fear.
+
+About this time, they were overtaken by Pipes, who, having heard the
+lieutenant's fall and seen him pocket his pistols, suspected there was
+a quarrel in the case, and followed him with a view of protecting
+his master. Peregrine, seeing him arrive, and guessing his intention,
+assumed an air of serenity; and pretending that he had left his
+handkerchief at the inn, ordered his man to go thither and fetch it to
+him in the park, where he would find them at his return. This command
+was twice repeated before Tom would take any other notice of the
+message, except by shaking his head; but being urged with many threats
+and curses to obedience, he gave them to understand that he knew their
+drift too well to trust them by themselves. "As for you, Lieutenant
+Hatchway," said he, "I have been your shipmate, and know you to be a
+sailor, that's enough; and as for master, I know him to be as good a man
+as ever stept betwixt stem and stern, whereby, if you have anything to
+say to him, I am your man, as the saying is. Here's my sapling, and I
+don't value your crackers of a rope's end." This oration, the longest
+that ever Pipes was known to make, he concluded with a flourish of his
+cudgel, and enforced with such determined refusals to leave them, that
+they found it impossible to bring the cause to mortal arbitrement at
+that time, and strolled about the park in profound silence; during
+which, Hatchway's indignation subsiding, he, all of a sudden, thrust out
+his hand as an advance to reconciliation, which being cordially shaken
+by Peregrine, a general pacification ensued; and was followed by a
+consultation about the means of extricating the youth from his present
+perplexity. Had his disposition been like that of most other young men,
+it would have been no difficult task to overcome his difficulties; but
+such was the obstinacy of his pride, that he deemed himself bound in
+honour to resent the letters he had received; and instead of submitting
+to the pleasure of the commodore, expected an acknowledgment from him,
+without which he would listen to no terms of accommodation. "Had I been
+his own son," said he, "I should have borne his reproof, and sued for
+forgiveness; but knowing myself to be on the footing of an orphan, who
+depends entirely upon his benevolence, I am jealous of everything that
+can be construed into disrespect, and insist upon being treated with the
+most punctual regard. I shall now make application to my father, who is
+obliged to provide for me by the ties of nature, as well as the laws
+of the land; and if he shall refuse to do me justice, I can never want
+employment while men are required for his Majesty's service."
+
+The lieutenant, alarmed at this intimation, begged he would take no new
+step until he should hear from him; and that very evening set out for
+the garrison, where he gave Trunnion an account of the miscarriage
+of his negotiation, told him how highly Peregrine was offended at the
+letter, communicated the young gentleman's sentiments and resolution,
+and finally assured him that unless he should think proper to ask pardon
+for the offence he had committed, he would, in all appearance, never
+more behold the face of his godson.
+
+The old commodore was utterly confounded at this piece of intelligence:
+he had expected all the humility of obedience and contrition from the
+young man; and, instead of that, received nothing but the most indignant
+opposition, and even found himself in the circumstances of an offender,
+obliged to make atonement, or forfeit all correspondence with his
+favourite. These insolent conditions at first threw him into an agony of
+wrath; and he vented execrations with such rapidity that he left himself
+no time to breathe, and had almost been suffocated with his choler.
+He inveighed bitterly against the ingratitude of Peregrine, whom he
+mentioned with many opprobrious epithets, and swore that he ought to be
+keelhauled for his presumption; but when he began to reflect more coolly
+upon the spirit of the young gentleman, which had already manifested
+itself on many occasions, and listened to the suggestions of Hatchway,
+whom he had always considered as an oracle in his way, his resentment
+abated, and he determined to take Perry into favour again; this
+placability being not a little facilitated by Jack's narrative of our
+hero's intrepid behaviour at the assembly, as well as the contest with
+him in the park. But still this plaguy amour occurred like a bugbear to
+his imagination; for he held it as an infallible maxim, that woman was
+an eternal source of misery to man. Indeed, this apophthegm he seldom
+repeated since his marriage, except in the company of a very few
+intimates, to whose secrecy and discretion he could trust. Finding
+Jack himself at a nonplus in the affair of Emilia, he consulted Mrs.
+Trunnion, who was equally surprised and offended when she understood
+that her letter did not produce the desired effect; and after having
+imputed the youth's obstinacy to his uncle's unseasonable indulgence,
+had recourse to the advice of the parson, who, still with an eye to his
+friend's advantage, counselled them to send the young gentleman on his
+travels, in the course of which he would, in all probability, forget
+the amusements of his greener years. The proposal was judicious, and
+immediately approved; when Trunnion, going into his closet, after divers
+efforts, produced the following billet, with which Jack departed for
+Windsor that same afternoon:--
+
+    "My good lad,--If I gave offence in my last letter I'm sorry
+    for't, d'ye see: I thought it was the likeliest way to bring
+    you up; but, in time to come, you shall have a larger swing
+    of cable. When you can spare time, I should be glad if you will
+    make a short trip and see your aunt, and him who is--Your
+    loving godfather and humble servant,
+                                   "Hawser Trunnion.
+
+    P.S. If you want money, you may draw upon me payable at sight."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+
+
+He becomes Melancholy and Despondent--Is favoured with the condescending
+Letter from his Uncle--Reconciles himself to his Governor, and sets out
+with Emilia and her Friend for Mrs. Gauntlet's House.
+
+
+Peregrine, fortified as he was with pride and indignation, did not fail
+to feel the smarting suggestions of his present situation: after having
+lived so long in an affluent and imperious manner, he could ill brook
+the thoughts of submitting to the mortifying exigencies of life. All the
+gaudy schemes of pomp and pleasure, which his luxuriant imagination had
+formed, began to dissolve; a train of melancholy ideas took possession
+of his thoughts; and the prospect of losing Emilia was not the least
+part of his affliction. Though he endeavoured to suppress the chagrin
+that preyed upon his heart, he could not conceal the disturbance of his
+mind from the penetration of that amiable young lady, who sympathized
+with him in her heart, though she could not give her tongue the liberty
+of asking the cause of his disorder; for, notwithstanding all the ardour
+of his addresses, he never could obtain from her the declaration of
+a mutual flame; because, though he had hitherto treated her with the
+utmost reverence of respect, he had never once mentioned the final
+aim of his passion. However honourable she supposed it to be, she had
+discernment enough to foresee that vanity or interest, co-operating with
+the levity of youth, might one day deprive her of her lover, and she was
+too proud to give him any handle of exulting at her expense. Although
+he was received by her with the most distinguished civility, and even
+an intimacy of friendship, all his solicitations could never extort
+from her an acknowledgment of love: on the contrary, being of a gay
+disposition, she sometimes coquetted with other admirers, that his
+attention thus whetted might never abate, and that he might see she had
+other resources in case he should flag in his affection.
+
+This being the prudential plan on which she acted, it cannot be supposed
+that she would condescend to inquire into the state of his thoughts when
+she saw him thus affected; but she, nevertheless, imposed that task
+on her cousin and confidant, who, as they walked together in the park
+observed that he seemed to be out of humour. When this is the case, such
+a question generally increases the disease; at least it had that effect
+upon Peregrine, who replied somewhat peevishly, "I assure you, madam,
+you never were more mistaken in your observations."--"I think so,
+too," said Emilia, "for I never saw Mr. Pickle in higher spirits." This
+ironical encomium completed his confusion: he affected to smile, but it
+was a smile of anguish, and in his heart he cursed the vivacity of both.
+He could not for his soul recollect himself so as to utter one connected
+sentence; and the suspicion that they observed every circumstance of
+his behaviour, threw such a damp on his spirits that he was quite
+overwhelmed with shame and resentment, when Sophy, casting her eyes
+towards the gate, said, "Yonder is your servant, Mr. Pickle, with
+another man who seems to have a wooden leg." Peregrine started at this
+intelligence, and immediately underwent sundry changes of complexion,
+knowing that his fate, in a great measure, depended upon the information
+he would receive from his friend.
+
+Hatchway, advancing to the company, after a brace of sea bows to the
+ladies, took the youth aside, and put the commodore's letter into
+his hand, which threw him into such an agitation that he could scarce
+pronounce, "Ladies, will you give me leave?" When, in consequence of
+their permission, he attempted to open the billet, he fumbled with such
+manifest disorder, that his mistress, who watched his motions, began to
+think that there was something very interesting in the message; and so
+much was she affected with his concern, that she was fain to turn her
+head another way, and wipe the tears from her lovely eyes.
+
+Meanwhile, Peregrine no sooner read the first sentence than his
+countenance, which before was overcast with a deep gloom, began to be
+lighted up, and every feature unbending by degrees, he recovered his
+serenity. Having perused the letter, his eyes sparkling with joy and
+gratitude, he hugged the lieutenant in his arms, and presented him to
+the ladies as one of his best friends. Jack met with a most gracious
+reception, and shook Emilia by the hand, telling her, with the familiar
+appellation of "old acquaintance" that he did not care how soon he was
+master of such another clean-going frigate as herself. The whole company
+partook of this favourable change that evidently appeared in our lover's
+recollection, and enlivened his conversation with such an uncommon flow
+of sprightliness and good humour, as even made an impression on the iron
+countenance of Pipes himself, who actually smiled with satisfaction as
+he walked behind them.
+
+The evening being pretty far advanced, they directed their course
+homeward; and while the valet attended Hatchway to the inn, Peregrine
+escorted the ladies to their lodgings, where he owned the justness of
+Sophy's remark in saying he was out of humour, and told them he had been
+extremely chagrined at a difference which had happened between him and
+his uncle, to whom, by the letter which they had seen him receive, he
+now found himself happily reconciled.
+
+Having received their congratulations, and declined staying to sup
+with them, on account of the longing desire he had to converse with his
+friend Jack, he took his leave, and repaired to the inn, where Hatchway
+informed him of everything that had happened in the garrison upon his
+presentations. Far from being disgusted, he was perfectly well pleased
+with the prospect of going abroad, which flattered his vanity and
+ambition, gratified his thirst after knowledge, and indulged that turn
+for observation, for which he had been remarkable from his most
+tender years. Neither did he believe a short absence would tend to the
+prejudice of his love, but, on the contrary, enhance the value of his
+heart, because he should return better accomplished, consequently, a
+more welcome offering to his mistress. Elevated with these sentiments,
+his heart dilated with joy; and the sluices of his natural benevolence
+being opened by this happy turn of his affairs, he sent his compliment
+to Mr. Jolter, to whom he had not spoken during a whole week, and
+desired he would favour Mr. Hatchway and him with his company at supper.
+
+The governor was not weak enough to decline this invitation; in
+consequence of which he forthwith appeared, and was cordially
+welcomed by the relenting pupil, who expressed his sorrow for the
+misunderstanding which had prevailed between them, and assured him that
+for the future he would avoid giving him any just cause of complaint.
+Jolter, who did not want affections, was melted by this acknowledgment,
+which he could not have expected; and earnestly protested, that his
+chief study had always been, and ever should be, to promote Mr. Pickle's
+interest and happiness.
+
+The best part of the night being spent in the circulation of a cheerful
+glass, the company broke up; and next morning Peregrine went out with
+a view of making his mistress acquainted with his uncle's intention
+of sending him out of the kingdom for his improvement, and of saying
+everything which he thought necessary for the interest of his love. He
+found her at breakfast with her cousin; and, as he was very full of
+the subject of his visit, had scarce fixed himself in his seat, when he
+brought it upon the carpet, by asking, with a smile, if the ladies had
+any commands for Paris? Emilia at this question began to stare, and her
+confidant desired to know who was going thither? He no sooner gave
+to understand that he himself intended in a short time to visit that
+capital, than his mistress with great precipitation wished him a good
+journey, and affected to talk with indifference the pleasures he would
+enjoy in France; but when he seriously assured Sophy, who asked if he
+was in earnest, and his uncle actually insisted upon his making a short
+tour, the tears gushed in poor Emilia's eyes, and she was at great pains
+to conceal her concern, by observing that the tea was so scalding hot,
+as to make her eyes water. This pretext was too thin to impose upon her
+lover, or even deceive the observation of her friend Sophy, who, after
+breakfast, took an opportunity of quitting the room.
+
+Thus left by themselves, Peregrine imparted to her what he had learnt
+of the commodore's intention, without, however, mentioning a syllable
+of his being offended at their correspondence; and accompanied his
+information with such fervent vows of eternal constancy and solemn
+promises of a speedy return, that Emily's heart, which had been invaded
+by a suspicion that this scheme of travelling was an effect of her
+lover's inconstancy, began to be more at ease; and she could not help
+signifying her approbation of his design.
+
+This affair being amicably compromised, he asked how soon she proposed
+to set out for her mother's house; and understanding that her departure
+was fixed for next day but one, and that her Cousin Sophy intended to
+accompany her in her father's chariot, he repeated his intention of
+attending her. In the mean time he dismissed the governor and the
+lieutenant to the garrison, with his compliments to his aunt and the
+commodore, and a faithful promise of his being with them in six days at
+farthest. These previous measures being taken, he, attended by Pipes,
+set out with the ladies; and they had also a convoy for twelve miles
+from Sophy's father, who, at parting, recommended them piously to
+the care of Peregrine, with whom by this time, he was perfectly well
+acquainted.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII.
+
+
+
+They meet with a dreadful Alarm on the Road--Arrive at their Journey's
+end--Peregrine is introduced to Emily's Brother--These two young
+Gentlemen misunderstand each other--Pickle departs for the Garrison.
+
+
+As they travelled at an easy rate, they had performed something more
+than one half of their journey, when they were benighted near an inn,
+at which they resolved to lodge; the accommodation was very good, they
+supped together with great mirth and enjoyment, and it was not till
+after he had been warned by the yawns of the ladies, that he conducted
+them to their apartment; where, wishing them good night, he retired to
+his own, and went to rest. The house was crowded with country-people who
+had been at a neighbouring fair, and now regaled themselves with ale and
+tobacco in the yard; so that their consideration, which at any time was
+but slender, being now overwhelmed by this debauch, they staggered into
+their respective kennels, and left a lighted candle sticking to one of
+the wooden pillars that supported the gallery. The flame in a little
+time laid hold on the wood, which was as dry as tinder; and the whole
+gallery was on fire, when Peregrine suddenly waked, and found himself
+almost suffocated. He sprang up in an instant, slipped on his breeches,
+and, throwing open the door of his chamber, saw the whole entry in a
+blaze.
+
+Heavens! what were the emotions of his soul, when he beheld the volumes
+of flame and smoke rolling towards the room where his dear Emilia lay!
+Regardless of his own danger, he darted himself through the thickest
+of the gloom, when knocking hard, and calling at the same time to the
+ladies, with the most anxious entreaty to be admitted, the door was
+opened by Emilia in her shift, who asked, with the utmost trepidation,
+what was the matter? He made no reply, but snatching her up in his arms,
+like another Aeneas, bore her through the flames to a place of safety;
+where leaving her before she could recollect herself, or pronounce one
+word, but "Alas; my Cousin Sophy!" he flew back to the rescue of that
+young lady, and found her already delivered by Pipes, who having been
+alarmed by the smell of fire, had got up, rushed immediately to the
+chamber where he knew these companions lodged, and Emily being saved by
+her lover brought off Miss Sophy with the loss of his own shock-head of
+hair, which was singed off in his retreat.
+
+By this time the whole inn was alarmed; every lodger, as well as
+servant, exerted himself, in order to stop the progress of this
+calamity: and there being a well-replenished horse-pond in the yard, in
+less than an hour the fire was totally extinguished, without having done
+any other damage than that of consuming about two yards of the wooden
+gallery.
+
+All this time our young gentleman closely attended his fair charge, each
+of whom had swooned with apprehension; but as their constitutions were
+good, and their spirits not easily dissipated, when upon reflection
+they found themselves and their company safe, and that the flames were
+happily quenched, the tumult of their fears subsided, they put on their
+clothes, recovered their good humour, and began to rally each other on
+the trim in which they had been secured. Sophy observed that now
+Mr. Pickle had an indisputable claim to her cousin's affection; and
+therefore she ought to lay aside all affected reserve for the future,
+and frankly avow the sentiments of her heart. Emily retorted the
+argument, putting her in mind, that by the same claim Mr. Pipes was
+entitled to the like return from her. Her friend admitted the force
+of the conclusion, provided she could not find means of satisfying his
+deliverer in another shape; and, turning, to the valet, who happened to
+be present, asked if his heart was not otherwise engaged. Tom, who did
+not conceive the meaning of the question, stood silent according to
+custom; and the interrogation being repeated, answered, with a grin,
+"Heart-whole as a biscuit, I'll assure you, mistress."--"What!" said
+Emilia, "have you never been in love, Thomas?"--"Yes, forsooth," replied
+the valet without hesitation, "sometimes of a morning."
+
+Peregrine could not help laughing, and his mistress looked a little
+disconcerted at this blunt repartee: while Sophy, slipping a purse
+into his hand, told him there was something to purchase a periwig. Tom,
+having consulted his master's eyes, refused the present, saying, "No,
+thank ye as much as if I did;" and though she insisted upon his putting
+it in his pocket, as a small testimony of her gratitude, he could not be
+prevailed upon to avail himself of her generosity; but following her to
+the other end of the room, thrust it into her sleeve without ceremony,
+exclaiming, "I'll be d--d to hell if I do." Peregrine, having checked
+him for his boorish behaviour, sent him out of the room, and begged that
+Miss Sophy would not endeavour to debauch the morals of his servant,
+who, rough and uncultivated as he was, had sense enough to perceive that
+he had no pretension to any such acknowledgment. But she argued, with
+great vehemence, that she should never be able to make acknowledgment
+adequate to the service he had done her, and that she should never
+be perfectly easy in her own mind until she found some opportunity of
+manifesting the sense she had of the obligation: "I do not pretend,"
+said she, "to reward Mr. Pipes; but I shall be absolutely unhappy,
+unless I am allowed to give him some token of my regard."
+
+Peregrine, thus earnestly solicited, desired, that since she was bent
+upon displaying her generosity, she would not bestow upon him any
+pecuniary gratification, but honour him with some trinket, as a mark of
+consideration; because he himself had such a particular value for the
+fellow, on account of his attachment and fidelity, that he should be
+sorry to see him treated on the footing of a common mercenary domestic.
+There was not one jewel in the possession of this grateful young lady,
+that she would not have gladly given as a recompense, or badge of
+distinction, to her rescuer; but his master pitched upon a seal ring of
+no great value that hung at her watch, and Pipes, being called in, had
+permission to accept that testimony of Miss Sophy's favour. Tom received
+it accordingly with sundry scrapes; and, having kissed it with great
+devotion, put it on his little finger, and strutted off, extremely proud
+of his acquisition.
+
+Emilia, with a most enchanting sweetness of aspect, told her lover that
+he had instructed her how to behave towards him; and taking a diamond
+ring from her finger, desired he would wear it for her sake. He received
+the pledge as became him, and presented another in exchange, which
+she at first refused, alleging that it would destroy the intent of her
+acknowledgment; but Peregrine assured her he had accepted her jewel, not
+as a proof of her gratitude, but as the mark of her love; and that if
+she refused a mutual token, he should look upon himself as the object of
+her disdain. Her eyes kindled, and her cheeks glowed with resentment
+at this impudent intimation, which she considered as an unseasonable
+insult, and the young gentleman, perceiving her emotion, stood corrected
+for his temerity, and asked pardon for the liberty of his remonstrance,
+which he hoped she would ascribe to the prevalence of that principle
+alone, which he had always taken pride in avowing.
+
+Sophy, seeing him disconcerted, interposed in his behalf, and chid her
+cousin for having practised such unnecessary affectation; upon which,
+Emilia, softened into compliance, held out her finger as a signal of
+her condescension. Peregrine put on the ring with great eagerness, and
+mumbled her soft white hand in an ecstasy which would not allow him to
+confine his embraces to that limb, but urged him to seize her by the
+waist, and snatch a delicious kiss from her love-pouting lips; nor
+would he leave her a butt to the ridicule of Sophy, on whose mouth he
+instantly committed a rape of the same nature: so that the two friends,
+countenanced by each other, reprehended him with such gentleness of
+rebuke, that he was almost tempted to repeat the offence.
+
+The morning being now lighted up, and the servants of the inn on foot,
+he ordered some chocolate for breakfast, and at the desire of the
+ladies, sent Pipes to see the horses fed, and the chariot prepared,
+while he went to the bar, and discharged the bill.
+
+These measures being taken, they set out about five o'clock, and having
+refreshed themselves and their cattle at another inn on the road,
+proceeded in the afternoon. Without meeting with any other accident,
+they safely arrived at the place of their destination, where Mrs.
+Gauntlet expressed her joy at seeing her old friend Mr. Pickle, whom,
+however, she kindly reproached for the long discontinuance of his
+regard. Without explaining the cause of that interruption, he protested
+that his love and esteem had never been discontinued, and that for the
+future he should omit no occasion of testifying how much he had her
+friendship at heart. She then made him acquainted with her son, who at
+that time was in the house, being excused from his duty by furlough.
+
+This young man, whose name was Godfrey, was about the age of twenty, of
+a middling size, vigorous make, remarkably well-shaped, and the scars
+of the small-pox, of which he bore a good number, added a peculiar
+manliness to the air of his countenance. His capacity was good, and his
+disposition naturally frank and easy; but he had been a soldier from
+his infancy, and his education was altogether in the military style.
+He looked upon taste and letters as mere pedantry, beneath the
+consideration of a gentleman, and every civil station of life as mean,
+when compared with the profession of arms. He had made great progress in
+the gymnastic sciences of dancing, fencing, and riding; played perfectly
+well on the German flute; and, above all things valued himself upon a
+scrupulous observance of all the points of honour.
+
+Had Peregrine and he considered themselves upon equal footing, in
+all probability they would have immediately entered into a league of
+intimacy and friendship: but this sufficient soldier looked upon his
+sister's admirer as a young student raw from the university, and utterly
+ignorant of mankind; while Squire Pickle beheld Godfrey in the light of
+a needy volunteer, greatly inferior to himself in fortune, as well as
+every other accomplishment. This mutual misunderstanding could not fail
+of animosities. The very next day after Peregrine's arrival, some sharp
+repartees passed between them in presence of the ladies, before whom
+each endeavoured to assert his own superiority. In these contests our
+hero never failed of obtaining the victory, because his genius was more
+acute, and his talents better cultivated, than those of his antagonist,
+who therefore took umbrage at his success, became jealous of his
+reputation, and began to treat him with marks of scorn and disrespect.
+
+His sister saw, and, dreading the consequence of his ferocity, not
+only took him to task in private for his impolite behaviour, but
+also entreated her lover to make allowances for the roughness of her
+brother's education. He kindly assured her, that whatever pains it might
+cost him to vanquish his own impetuous temper, he would, for her sake,
+endure all the mortifications to which her brother's arrogance might
+expose him; and, after having stayed with her two days, and enjoyed
+several private interviews, during which he acted the part of a most
+passionate lover, he took his leave of Mrs. Gauntlet overnight, and told
+the young ladies he would call early next morning to bid them farewell.
+He did not neglect this piece of duty, and found the two friends and
+breakfast already prepared in the parlour. All three being extremely
+affected with the thoughts of parting, a most pathetic silence for some
+time prevailed, till Peregrine put an end to it by lamenting his fate,
+in being obliged to exile himself so long from the dear object of his
+most interesting wish. He begged, with the most earnest supplications,
+that she would now, in consideration of the cruel absence he must
+suffer, give him the consolation which she had hitherto refused; namely,
+that of knowing he possessed a place within her heart. The confidante
+seconded his request, representing that it was now no time to disguise
+her sentiments, when her lover was about to leave the kingdom, and might
+be in danger of contracting other connections, unless he was confirmed
+in his constancy, by knowing how far he could depend upon her love; and,
+in short, she was plied with such irresistible importunities, that
+she answered in the utmost confusion, "Though I have avoided literal
+acknowledgments, methinks the circumstances of my behaviour might
+have convinced Mr. Pickle that I do not regard him as a common
+acquaintance."--"My charming Emily," cried the impatient lover, throwing
+himself at her feet, "why will you deal out my happiness in such scanty
+portions? Why will you thus mince the declaration which would overwhelm
+me with pleasure, and cheer my lonely reflection, while I sigh amid
+the solitude of separation?" His fair mistress, melted by this image,
+replied, with the tears gushing from her eyes, "I'm afraid I shall feel
+that separation more severely than you imagine." Transported at this
+flattering confession, he pressed her to his breast, and while her head
+reclined upon his neck, mingled his tears with hers in great abundance,
+breathing the most tender vows of eternal fidelity. The gentle heart
+of Sophy could not bear this scene unmoved: she wept with sympathy,
+and encouraged the lovers to resign themselves to the will of fate, and
+support their spirits with the hope of meeting again on happier terms.
+Finally, after mutual promises, exhortations, and endearments, Peregrine
+took his leave, his heart being so full that he could scarce pronounce
+the word Adieu! and, mounting his horse at the door, set out with Pipes
+for the garrison.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine is overtaken by Mr. Gauntlet, with whom he fights a Duel, and
+contracts an intimate Friendship--He arrives at the Garrison, and finds
+his Mother as implacable as ever--He is insulted by his Brother Gam,
+whose Preceptor he disciplines with a Horsewhip.
+
+
+In order to expel the melancholy images that took possession of his
+fancy, at parting from his mistress, he called in the flattering ideas
+of those pleasures he expected to enjoy in France; and before he had
+rode ten miles, his imagination was effectually amused. While he thus
+prosecuted his travels by anticipation, and indulged himself in all
+the insolence of hope, at the turning of a lane he was all of a sudden
+overtaken by Emilia's brother on horseback, who told him he was riding
+the same way, and should be glad of his company. This young gentleman,
+whether prompted by personal pique, or actuated with zeal for the honour
+of his family, had followed our hero, with the view of obliging him to
+explain the nature of his attachment to his sister.
+
+Peregrine returned his compliment with such disdainful civility as gave
+him room to believe that he suspected his errand; and therefore, without
+further preamble, he declared his business in these words: "Mr. Pickle,
+you have carried on a correspondence with my sister for some time, and
+I should be glad to know the nature of it." To this question our lover
+replied, "Sir, I should be glad to know what title you have to demand
+that satisfaction?"--"Sir," answered the other, "I demand it in the
+capacity of a brother, jealous of his own honour, as well as of his
+sister's reputation; and if your intentions are honourable, you will
+not refuse it."--"Sir," said Peregrine, "I am not at present disposed to
+appeal to your opinion for the rectitude of my intentions: and I think
+you assume a little too much importance, in pretending to judge my
+conduct."--"Sir," replied the soldier, "I pretend to judge the conduct
+of every man who interferes with my concerns, and even to chastise
+him, if I think he acts amiss."--"Chastise!" cried the youth, with
+indignation in his looks, "sure you dare not apply that term to
+me?"--"You are mistaken," said Godfrey; "I dare do anything that becomes
+the character of a gentleman."--"Gentleman, God wot!" replied the other,
+looking contemptuously at his equipage, which was none of the most
+superb, "a very pretty gentleman, truly!"
+
+The soldier's wrath was inflamed by this ironical repetition, the
+contempt of which his conscious poverty made him feel; and he called his
+antagonist presumptuous boy, insolent upstart, and with other epithets,
+which Perry retorted with great bitterness. A formal challenge having
+passed between them, they alighted at the first inn, and walked into
+the next field, in order to decide their quarrel by the sword. Having
+pitched upon the spot, helped to pull off each other's boots, and laid
+aside their coats and waistcoats, Mr. Gauntlet told his opponent, that
+he himself was looked upon in the army as an expert swordsman, and
+that if Mr. Pickle had not made that science his particular study, they
+should be upon a more equal footing in using pistols. Peregrine was too
+much incensed to thank him for his plain dealing, and too confident
+of his own skill to relish the other's proposal, which he accordingly
+rejected: then, drawing his sword, he observed, that were he to treat
+Mr. Gauntlet according to his deserts, he would order his man to punish
+his audacity with a horsewhip. Exasperated at this expression, which he
+considered as an indelible affront, he made no reply, but attacked his
+adversary with equal ferocity and address. The youth parried his
+first and second thrust, but received the third in the outside of his
+sword-arm. Though the wound was superficial, he was transported with
+rage at sight of his own blood, and returned the assault with such
+fury and precipitation, that Gauntlet, loath to take advantage of
+his unguarded heat, stood upon the defensive. In the second lounge,
+Peregrine's weapon entering a kind of network in the shell of Godfrey's
+sword, the blade snapped in two, and left him at the mercy of the
+soldier, who, far from making an insolent use of the victory he had
+gained, put up his Toledo with great deliberation, like a man who had
+been used to that kind of reencounters, and observed that such a blade
+as Peregrine's was not to be trusted with a man's life: then advising
+the owner to treat a gentleman in distress with more respect for the
+future, he slipped on his boots, and with sullen dignity of demeanour
+stalked back to the inn.
+
+Though Pickle was extremely mortified at his miscarriage in this
+adventure, he was also struck with the behaviour of his antagonist,
+which affected him the more, as he understood that Godfrey's fierte had
+proceeded from the jealous sensibility of a gentleman declined into the
+vale of misfortune. Gauntlet's valour and moderation induced him to
+put a favourable construction on all those circumstances of that young
+soldier's conduct, which before had given him disgust. Though in any
+other case he would have industriously avoided the least appearance of
+submission, he followed his conqueror to the inn with a view of thanking
+him for his generous forbearance, and of soliciting his friendship and
+correspondence.
+
+Godfrey had his foot in the stirrup to mount, when Peregrine, coming up
+to him, desired he would defer his departure for a quarter of an hour,
+and favour him with a little private conversation. The soldier, who
+mistook the meaning of the request, immediately quitted his horse, and
+followed Pickle into a chamber, where he expected to find a brace of
+pistols loaded on the table: but he was very agreeably deceived,
+when our hero, in the most respectful terms, acknowledged his noble
+deportment in the field, owned that till then he had misunderstood his
+character, and begged that he would honour him with his intimacy and
+correspondence.
+
+Gauntlet, who had seen undoubted proofs of Peregrine's courage, which
+had considerably raised him in his esteem, and had sense enough to
+perceive that this concession was not owing to any sordid or sinister
+motive, embraced his offer with demonstrations of infinite satisfaction.
+When he understood the terms on which Mr. Pickle was with his sister,
+he proffered his service in his turn, either as agent, mediator, or
+confidant: nay, to give this new friend a convincing proof of his
+sincerity, he disclosed to him a passion which he had for some time
+entertained for his cousin Miss Sophy, though he durst not reveal his
+sentiments to her father, lest he should be offended at his presumption,
+and withdraw his protection from the family.
+
+Peregrine's generous heart was wrung with anguish, when he understood
+that this young gentleman, who was the only son of a distinguished
+officer, had carried arms for the space of five years, without being
+able to obtain a subaltern's commission, though he always had behaved
+with remarkable regularity and spirit, and, acquired the friendship and
+esteem of all the officers under whom he had served. He would, at that
+time, with the utmost pleasure, have shared his finances with him; but
+as he would not run the risk of offending the young soldier's delicacy
+of honour by a premature exertion of his liberality, he resolved to
+insinuate himself into an intimacy with him, before he would venture to
+take such freedoms; and with that view pressed Mr. Gauntlet to accompany
+him to the garrison, where he did not doubt of having influence enough
+to make him a welcome guest. Godfrey thanked him very courteously for
+his invitation, which he said he could not immediately accept; but
+promised, if he would favour him with a letter, and fix the time at
+which he proposed to set out for France, he would endeavour to visit
+him at the commodore's habitation, and from thence give him a convoy to
+Dover. This new treaty being settled, and a dossil of lint, with a
+snip of plaster, applied to our adventurer's wound, he parted from the
+brother of his dear Emilia, to whom and his friend Sophy he sent his
+kindest wishes; and having lodged one night upon the road, arrived next
+day in the afternoon at the garrison, where he found all his friends in
+good health, and overjoyed at his return.
+
+The commodore, who was by this time turned of seventy, and altogether
+crippled by the gout, seldom went abroad; and as his conversation was
+not very entertaining, had but little company within doors; so that his
+spirits must have quite stagnated, had not they been kept in motion
+by the conversation of Hatchway, and received at different times a
+wholesome fillip from the discipline of his spouse, who, by the force of
+pride, religion, and Cognac, had erected a most terrible tyranny in the
+house. There was such a quick circulation of domestics in the family,
+that every suit of livery had been worn by figures of all dimensions.
+Trunnion himself had long before this time yielded to the torrent of her
+arbitrary sway, though not without divers obstinate efforts to maintain
+his liberty; and now, that he was disabled by his infirmities, when
+he used to bear his empress singing the loud Orthyan song among the
+servants below, he would often in whispers communicate to the lieutenant
+hints of what he would do if so be as how he was not deprived of the use
+of his precious limbs. Hatchway was the only person whom the temper of
+Mrs. Trunnion respected, either because she dreaded his ridicule, or
+looked upon his person with eyes of affection. This being the situation
+of things in the garrison, it is not to be doubted that the old
+gentleman highly enjoyed the presence of Peregrine, who found means to
+ingratiate himself so effectually with his aunt, that while he remained
+at home, she seemed to have exchanged the disposition of a tigress for
+that of a gentle kid; but he found his own mother as implacable, and his
+father as much henpecked, as ever.
+
+Gamaliel, who now very seldom enjoyed the conversation of his old friend
+the commodore, had some time ago entered into an amicable society,
+consisting of the barber, apothecary, attorney, and exciseman of the
+parish, among whom he used to spend the evening at Tunley's, and listen
+to their disputes upon philosophy and politics with great comfort and
+edification, while his sovereign lady domineered at home as usual,
+visited with pomp in the neighbourhood, and employed her chief care in
+the education of her darling son Gam, who was now in the fifteenth year
+of his age, and so remarkable for his perverse disposition, that, in
+spite of his mother's influence and authority, he was not only hated,
+but also despised, both at home and abroad. She had put him under the
+tuition of the curate, who lived in the family, and was obliged to
+attend him in all his exercises and excursions. This governor was a
+low-bred fellow, who had neither experience nor ingenuity, but possessed
+a large fund of adulation and servile complaisance, by which he had
+gained the good graces of Mrs. Pickle, and presided over all her
+deliberations in the same manner as his superior managed those of Mrs.
+Trunnion.
+
+He had one day rode out to take the air with his pupil, who, as I have
+already observed, was odious to the poor people, for having killed
+their dogs and broken their inclosures, and, on account of his hump,
+distinguished by the title of My Lord, when in a narrow lane they
+chanced to meet Peregrine on horseback. The young squire no sooner
+perceived his elder brother, for whom he had been instructed to
+entertain the most inveterate grudge, than he resolved to insult him en
+passant, and actually rode against him from gallop. Our hero, guessing
+his aim, fixed himself in his stirrups, and by a dexterous management
+of the reins avoided the shock in such a manner as that their legs only
+should encounter; by which means my lord was tilted out of his saddle,
+and in a twinkling laid sprawling in the dirt. The governor, enraged at
+the disgrace of his charge, advanced with great insolence and fury, and
+struck at Peregrine with his whip. Nothing could be more agreeable
+to our young gentleman than this assault, which furnished him with
+an opportunity of chastising an officious wretch, whose petulance and
+malice he had longed to punish. He therefore, spurring up his horse
+towards his antagonist, overthrew him in the middle of a hedge. Before
+he had time to recollect himself from the confusion of the fall, Pickle
+alighted in a trice, and exercised his horsewhip with such agility about
+the curate's face and ears, that he was fain to prostrate himself before
+his enraged conqueror, and implore his forbearance in the most abject
+terms. While Peregrine was thus employed, his brother Gam had made shift
+to rise and attack him in the rear; for which reason, when the tutor was
+quelled, the victor faced about, snatched the weapon out of his hand,
+and having broken it to pieces, remounted his horse and rode off,
+without deigning to honour him with any other notice.
+
+The condition in which they returned produced infinite clamour against
+the conqueror, who was represented as a ruffian who had lain in ambush
+to make away with his brother, in whose defence the curate was said to
+have received those cruel stripes that hindered him from appearing for
+three whole weeks in the performance of his duty at church. Complaints
+were made to the commodore, who, having inquired into the circumstances
+of the affair, approved of what his nephew had done, adding, with many
+oaths, that provided Peregrine had been out of the scrape, he wished
+Crook-back had broken his neck in the fall.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX.
+
+
+
+He projects a plan of Revenge, which is executed against the Curate.
+
+
+Our hero, exasperated at the villainy of the curate, in the treacherous
+misrepresentation he had made of this encounter, determined to rise upon
+him a method of revenge, which should be not only effectual but also
+unattended any bad consequence to himself. For this purpose he and
+Hatchway, to whom he imparted his plan, went to the ale-house one
+evening, and called for an empty room, knowing there was no other but
+that which they had chosen for the scene of action. This apartment was
+a sort of a parlour that fronted the kitchen, with a window towards the
+yard, where after they had sat some time, the lieutenant found means to
+amuse the landlord in discourse, while Peregrine, stepping out into
+the yard, by the talent of mimickry, which he possessed in a surprising
+degree, counterfeited a dialogue between the curate and Tunley's
+wife. This reaching the ears of the publican, for whose hearing it was
+calculated, inflamed his naturally jealous disposition to such a degree,
+that he could not conceal his emotion, but made a hundred efforts
+to quit the room; while the lieutenant, smoking his pipe with great
+gravity, as if he neither heard what passed nor took notice of the
+landlord's disorder, detained him on the spot by a succession of
+questions, which he could not refuse to answer, though he stood sweating
+with agony all the time, stretching his neck every instant towards the
+window through which the voices were conveyed, scratching his head, and
+exhibiting sundry other symptoms of impatience and agitation. At length
+the supposed conversation came to such a pitch of amorous complaisance,
+that the husband, quite frantic with his imaginary disgrace, rushed
+out of the door crying, "Coming, sir;" but as he was obliged to make a
+circuit round one-half of the house, Peregrine had got in by the window
+before Tunley arrived in the yard.
+
+According to the feigned intelligence he had received, he ran directly
+to the barn, in expectation of making some very extraordinary discovery;
+and having employed some minutes in rummaging the straw to no purpose,
+returned in a state of distraction to the kitchen, just as his wife
+chanced to enter at the other door. The circumstance of her appearance
+confirmed him in the opinion that the deed was done. As the disease of
+being henpecked was epidemic in the parish, he durst not express the
+least hint of his uneasiness to her, but resolved to take vengeance on
+the libidinous priest, who he imagined had corrupted the chastity of his
+spouse.
+
+The two confederates, in order to be certified that their scheme had
+taken effect, as well as to blow up the flame which they had kindled,
+called for Tunley, in whose countenance they could easily discern his
+confusion. Peregrine, desiring him to sit down and drink a glass with
+them, began to interrogate him about his family, and, among other
+things, asked him how long he had been married to that handsome wife.
+This question, which was put with an arch significance of look, alarmed
+the publican, who began to fear that Pickle had overheard his dishonour;
+and this suspicion was not at all removed when the lieutenant, with a
+sly regard, pronounced "Tunley warn't you noosed by the curate?" "Yes,
+is was," replied the landlord, with an eagerness and perplexity of
+tone, as if he thought the lieutenant knew that thereby hang a tale: and
+Hatchway supported the suspicion by "Nay, as for that matter, the curate
+may be a very sufficient man in his way." This transition from his wife
+to the curate convinced him that his shame was known to his guests; and,
+in the transport of his indignation, he pronounced with great emphasis,
+"A sufficient man! Odds heart! I believe they are all wolves in sheep's
+clothing. I wish to God I could see the day, master, when there shall
+not be a priest, an exciseman, or a custom-house officer in the kingdom.
+As for that fellow of a curate, if I do catch him--It don't signify
+talking--But, by the Lord!--Gentlemen, my service to you."
+
+The associates being satisfied, by these abrupt insinuations, that they
+had so far succeeded in their aim, waited with impatience two or three
+days in expectation of hearing that Tunley had fallen upon some method
+of being revenged for this imaginary wrong; but finding that either his
+invention was too shallow, or his inclination too languid, to gratify
+their desire of his own accord, they determined to bring the affair to
+such a crisis, that he should not be able to withstand the opportunity
+of executing his vengeance. With this view, they one evening hired a boy
+to run to Mr. Pickle's house, and tell the curate that Mrs. Tunley being
+taken suddenly ill, her husband desired he would come immediately and
+pray with her. They had taken possession of a room in the house and
+Hatchway engaging the landlord in conversation, Peregrine, in his return
+from the yard, observed, as if by accident, that the parson was gone
+into the kitchen, in order, as he supposed, to catechise Tunley's wife.
+
+The publican started at this intelligence, and, under pretence of
+serving another company in the next room, went out to the barn, where,
+arming himself with a flail, he repaired to a lane through which the
+curate was under a necessity of passing in his way home. There he lay
+in ambush with fell intent; and when the supposed author of his shame
+arrived, greeted him in the dark with such a salutation as forced him
+to stagger backward three paces at least. If the second application had
+taken effect, in all probability that spot would have been the
+boundary of the parson's mortal peregrination; but luckily for him, his
+antagonist was not expert in the management of his weapon, which, by a
+twist of the thong that connected the legs, instead of pitching upon the
+head of the astonished curate, descended in an oblique direction on
+his own pate, with such a swing that the skull actually rang like an
+apothecary's mortar, and ten thousand lights seemed to dance before his
+eyes. The curate recollecting himself during the respite he obtained
+from this accident, and believing his aggressor to be some thief who
+lurked in that place for prey, resolved to make a running fight, until
+he should arrive within cry of his habitation. With this design he
+raised up his cudgel for the defence of his head, and, betaking himself
+to his heels, began to roar for help with the lungs of a Stentor.
+Tunley, throwing away the flail, which he durst no longer trust with
+the execution of his revenge, pursued the fugitive with all the speed he
+could exert; and the other, either unnerved by fear or stumbling over
+a stone, was overtaken before he had run a hundred paces. He no sooner
+felt the wind of the publican's fist that whistled round his ears, than
+he fell flat upon the earth at full length, and the cudgel flew from his
+unclasping hand; when Tunley, springing like a tiger on his back, rained
+such a shower of blows upon his carcase, that he imagined himself
+under the discipline of ten pairs of fists at least; yet the imaginary
+cuckold, not satisfied with annoying the priest in this manner, laid
+hold of one of his ears with his teeth, and bit so unmercifully, that
+the curate was found almost entranced with pain by two labourers, at
+whose approach the assailant retreated unperceived.
+
+The lieutenant had posted himself at the window, in order to see the
+landlord at his first return: and no sooner perceived him enter the
+yard, than he called him into the apartment, impatient to learn the
+effects of their stratagem. Tunley obeyed the summons, and appeared
+before his guests in all the violence of rage, disorder, and fatigue:
+his nostrils were dilated more than one-half beyond their natural
+capacity, his eyes rolled, his teeth chattered, he snored in breathing
+as if he had been oppressed by the nightmare, and streams of sweat
+flowed down each side of his forehead.
+
+Peregrine, affecting to start at the approach of such an uncouth figure,
+asked if he had been with a spirit; upon which he answered, with great
+vehemence, "Spirit! No, no, master, I have had a roll and tumble with
+the flesh. A dog. I'll teach him to come a caterwauling about my doors."
+Guessing from this reply, that his aim was accomplished, and curious to
+know the particulars of the rencounter, "Well, then," said the youth,
+"I hope you have prevailed against the flesh, Tunley."--"Yes, yes,"
+answered the publican, "I have cooled his capissens, as the saying is:
+I have played such a tune about his ears, that I'll be bound he shan't
+long for music this month. A goatish, man-faced rascal! Why, he's a
+perfect parish bull, as I hope to live."
+
+Hatchway, observing that he seemed to have made a stout battle, desired
+he would sit down and recover wind; and after he had swallowed a brace
+of bumpers, his vanity prompted him to expatiate upon his own exploit in
+such a manner, that the confederates, without seeming to know the curate
+was his antagonist, became acquainted with every circumstance of the
+ambuscade.
+
+Tunley had scarce got the better of his agitation, when his wife,
+entering the room, told them, by way of news, that some waggish body
+had sent Mr. Sackbut the curate to pray with her. This name inflamed
+the husband's choler anew; and, forgetting all his complaisance for his
+spouse, he replied with a rancorous grin, "Add rabbit him! I doubt not
+but you found his admonitions deadly comfortable!" The landlady, looking
+at her vassal with a sovereign aspect, "What crotchets," said she, "have
+you got in your fool's head, I trow? I know no business you have to sit
+here like a gentleman with your arms akimbo, there's another company
+in the house to be served." The submissive husband took the hint, and
+without further expostulation sneaked out of the room.
+
+Next day it was reported that Mr. Sackbut had been waylaid and
+almost murdered by robbers, and an advertisement was pasted upon the
+church-door, offering a reward to any person that should discover the
+assassin; but he reaped no satisfaction from this expedient, and
+was confined to his chamber a whole fortnight, by the bruises he had
+received.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX.
+
+
+
+Mr. Sackbut and his Pupil conspire against Peregrine, who,
+being apprised of their Design by his Sister, takes measures for
+counterworking their Scheme, which is executed by mistake upon Mr.
+Gauntlet--this young Soldier meets with a cordial reception from the
+Commodore, who generously decoys him into his own interest.
+
+
+When he considered the circumstances of the ambuscade, he could not
+persuade himself that he had been assaulted by a common thief, because
+it was not to be supposed that a robber would have amused himself in
+pummeling rather than in rifling his prey; he therefore ascribed his
+misfortune to the secret enmity of some person who had a design upon his
+life; and, upon mature deliberation, fixed his suspicion upon Peregrine,
+who was the only man on earth from whom he thought he deserved such
+treatment. He communicated his conjecture to his pupil, who readily
+adopted his opinion, and advised him strenuously to revenge the wrong by
+a like contrivance, without seeking to make a narrower inquiry, lest his
+enemy should be thereby put upon his guard.
+
+This proposal being relished, they in concert revolved the means of
+retorting the ambush with interest, and actually laid such a villainous
+plan for attacking our hero in the dark, that, had it been executed
+according to their intention, the young gentleman's scheme of travelling
+would have been effectually marred. But their machinations were
+overheard by Miss Pickle, who was now in the seventeenth year of her
+age, and, in spite of the prejudice of education, entertained in secret
+a most sisterly affection for her brother Perry, though she had never
+spoken to him, and was deterred by the precepts, vigilance and menaces
+of her mother, from attempting any means of meeting him in private. She
+was not, however, insensible to his praise, which was loudly sounded
+forth in the neighbourhood; and never failed of going to church, and
+every other place, where she thought she might have an opportunity of
+seeing this amiable brother. With these sentiments it cannot be supposed
+that she would hear the conspiracy without emotion. She was shocked at
+the treacherous barbarity of Gam, and shuddered at the prospect of the
+danger to which Peregrine would be exposed from their malice. She durst
+not communicate this plot to her mother, because she was afraid that
+lady's unaccountable aversion for her first-born would hinder her
+from interposing in his behalf, and consequently render her a sort of
+accomplice in the guilt of his assassins. She therefore resolved to warn
+Peregrine of the conspiracy, on account of which she transmitted to
+him in an affectionate letter, by means of a young gentleman in that
+neighbourhood, who made his addresses to her at that time, and who, at
+her request, offered his service to our hero, in defeating the projects
+of his adversaries.
+
+Peregrine was startled when he read the particulars of their scheme,
+which was no other than an intention to sally upon him when he should
+be altogether unprovided against such an attack, cut off his ears, and
+otherwise mutilate him in such a manner that he should have no cause
+to be vain of his person for the future. Incensed as he was against
+the brutal disposition of his own father's son, he could not help
+being moved at the integrity and tenderness of his sister, of whose
+inclinations towards him he had been hitherto kept in ignorance. He
+thanked the gentleman for his honourable dealing, and expressed a desire
+of being better acquainted with his virtues; told him that now he was
+cautioned, he hoped there would be no necessity for giving him any
+further trouble, and wrote by him a letter of acknowledgment to his
+sister, for whom he expressed the utmost love and regard, beseeching
+her to favour him with an interview before his departure, that he might
+indulge his fraternal fondness, and be blessed with the company and
+countenance of one at least belonging to his own family. Having imparted
+this discovery to his friend Hatchway, they came to a resolution of
+countermining the plan of their enemies. As they did not choose to
+expose themselves to the insinuations of slander, which would have
+exerted itself at their expense, had they, even in defending themselves,
+employed any harsh means of retaliation, they invented a method of
+disappointing and disgracing their foes, and immediately set Pipes at
+work to forward the preparations. Miss Pickle having described the spot
+which the assassins had pitched upon for the scene of their vengeance,
+our triumvirate intended to have placed a sentinel among the corn, who
+should come and give them intelligence when the ambuscade was laid; and,
+in consequence of that information, they would steal softly towards the
+place, attended by three or four of the domestics, and draw a large
+net over the conspirators, who, being entangled in the toil, should be
+disarmed, fettered, heartily scourged, and suspended between two trees
+in the snare, as a spectacle to all passengers that should chance to
+travel that way.
+
+The plan being thus digested, and the commodore acquainted with the
+whole affair, the spy was sent upon duty, and everybody within-doors
+prepared to go forth upon the first notice. One whole evening did they
+spend in the most impatient expectation, but on the second the scout
+crept into the garrison, and assured them that he had perceived three
+men skulking behind the hedge, on the road that led to the public-house
+from which Peregrine and the lieutenant used every night to return about
+that hour. Upon this intelligence the confederates set out immediately
+with all their implements. Approaching the scene with as little noise as
+possible, they heard the sound of blows; and, though the night was
+dark, perceived a sort of tumultuous conflict on the very spot which the
+conspirators had possessed. Surprised at this occurrence, the meaning of
+which he could not comprehend, Peregrine ordered his myrmidons to
+halt and reconnoitre; and immediately his ears were saluted with an
+exclamation of "You shan't 'scape me, rascal." The voice being quite
+familiar to him, he at once divined the cause of that confusion which
+they had observed; and running up to the assistance of the exclaimer,
+found a fellow on his knees begging his life of Mr. Gauntlet, who stood
+over him with a naked hanger in his hand.
+
+Pickle instantly made himself known to his friend, who told him, that
+having left his horse at Tunley's, he was, in his way to the garrison,
+set upon by three ruffians, one of whom being the very individual person
+now in his power, had come behind him, and struck with a bludgeon at
+his head, which, however, he missed, and the instrument descended on his
+left shoulder; that, upon drawing his hanger, and laying about him
+in the dark, the other two fled, leaving their companion, whom he had
+disabled, in the lurch.
+
+Peregrine congratulated him on his safety, and having ordered Pipes to
+secure the prisoner, conducted Mr. Gauntlet to the garrison, where he
+met with a very hearty reception from the commodore, to whom he was
+introduced as his nephew's intimate friend; not but that, in all
+likelihood, he would have abated somewhat of his hospitality had he
+known that he was the brother of Perry's mistress; but her name the
+old gentleman had never thought of asking, when he inquired into the
+particulars of his godson's amour.
+
+The captive being examined, in presence of Trunnion and all his
+adherents, touching the ambuscade, owned that being in the service of
+Gam Pickle, he had been prevailed upon, by the solicitations of his
+master and the Curate, to accompany them in their expedition, and
+undertake the part which he had acted against the stranger, whom he
+and his employers mistook for Peregrine. In consideration of this frank
+acknowledgment, and a severe wound he had received in his right arm,
+they resolved to inflict no other punishment on this malefactor than to
+detain him all night in the garrison, and next morning carry him before
+a justice of the peace, to whom he repeated all he had said overnight,
+and with his own hand subscribed his confession, copies of which
+were handed about the neighbourhood, to the unspeakable confusion and
+disgrace of the curate and his promising pupil.
+
+Meanwhile Trunnion treated the young soldier with uncommon marks of
+respect, being prepossessed in his favour by this adventure, which he
+had so gallantly achieved, as well as by the encomiums that Peregrine
+bestowed upon his valour and generosity. He liked his countenance, which
+was bold and hardy, admired his Herculean limbs, and delighted in asking
+questions concerning the service he had seen. The day after his arrival,
+while the conversation turned on this last subject, the commodore,
+taking the pipe out of his month, "I'll tell ye what, brother," said he;
+"five-and-forty years ago, when I was third lieutenant of the Warwick
+man-of-war, there was a very stout young fellow on board, a subaltern
+officer of marines; his name was not unlike your own, d'ye see, being
+Guntlet, with a G. I remember he and I could not abide one another at
+first, because, d'ye see, I was a sailor and he a landsman; till we fell
+in with a Frenchman, whom we engaged for eight glasses, and at length
+boarded and took. I was the first man that stood on the enemy's deck,
+and should have come scurvily off, d'ye see, if Guntlet had not jumped
+to my assistance; but we soon cleared ship, and drove them to close
+quarters, so that they were obliged to strike; and from that day Guntlet
+and I were sworn brothers as long as he remained on board. He was
+exchanged into a marching regiment, and what became of him afterwards,
+Lord in heaven knows; but this I'll say of him, whether he be dead or
+alive, he feared no man that ever wore a head, and was, moreover, a very
+hearty messmate."
+
+The stranger's breast glowed at this eulogium, which was no sooner
+pronounced than he eagerly asked if the French ship was not the
+Diligence? The commodore replied, with a stare, "The very same, my
+lad."--"Then," said Gauntlet, "the person of whom you are pleased to
+make such honourable mention was my own father."--"The devil he was!"
+cried Trunnion, shaking him by the hand: "I am rejoiced to see a son of
+Ned Guntlet in my house."
+
+This discovery introduced a thousand questions, in the course of which
+the old gentleman learned the situation of his friend's family, and
+discharged innumerable execrations upon the ingratitude and injustice
+of the ministry, which had failed to provide for the son of such a
+brave soldier. Nor was his friendship confined to such ineffectual
+expressions; he that same evening signified to Peregrine a desire of
+doing something for his friend. This inclination was so much praised,
+encouraged, and promoted by his godson, and even supported by his
+councilor Hatchway, that our hero was empowered to present him with a
+sum of money sufficient to purchase a commission.
+
+Though nothing could be more agreeable to Pickle than this permission,
+he was afraid that Godfrey's scrupulous disposition would hinder him
+from subjecting himself to any such obligation; and therefore proposed
+that he should be decoyed into his own interest by a feigned story, in
+consequence of which he would be prevailed upon to accept of the money,
+as a debt which the commodore had contracted of his father at sea.
+Trunnion made wry faces at this expedient, the necessity of which he
+could not conceive, without calling in question the common sense of
+Gauntlet; as he took it for granted that such offers as those were not
+to be rejected on any consideration whatever. Besides, he could not
+digest an artifice, by which he himself must own that he had lived so
+many years without manifesting the least intention of doing justice to
+his creditor. All these objections, however, were removed by the zeal
+and rhetoric of Peregrine, who represented that it would be impossible
+to befriend him on any other terms; that his silence hitherto would
+be imputed to his want of information touching the circumstances and
+condition of his friend; and that his remembering and insisting upon
+discharging the obligation, after such an interval of time, when the
+whole affair was in oblivion, would be the greatest compliment he could
+pay to his own honour and integrity.
+
+Thus persuaded, he took an opportunity of Gauntlet's being alone with
+him to broach the affair, telling the young man that his father had
+advanced a sum of money for him, when they sailed together, on account
+of the mess, as well as to stop the mouth of a clamorous creditor at
+Portsmouth; and that the said sum, with interest, amounted to about four
+hundred pounds, which he would now, with great thankfulness, repay.
+
+Godfrey was amazed at this declaration, and, after a considerable pause,
+replied, that he had never heard his parents mention any such debt; that
+no memorandum or voucher of it was found among his father's papers;
+and that, in all probability, it must have been discharged long ago,
+although the commodore, in such a long course of time and hurry of
+occupation, might have forgotten the repayment: he therefore desired to
+be excused from accepting what in his own conscience he believed was
+not his due; and complemented the old gentleman upon his being so
+scrupulously just and honourable.
+
+The soldier's refusal, which was matter of astonishment to Trunnion,
+increased his inclination to assist him; and, on pretence of acquitting
+his own character, he urged his beneficence with such obstinacy, that
+Gauntlet, afraid of disobliging him, was in a manner compelled to
+receive a draft for the money; for which he subscribed an ample
+discharge, and immediately transmitted the order to his mother, whom
+at the same time he informed of the circumstances by which they had so
+unexpectedly gained this accession of fortune.
+
+Such a piece of news could not fail of being agreeable to Mrs. Gauntlet,
+who by the first post wrote a polite letter of acknowledgment to the
+commodore; another to her own son, importing that she had already sent
+the draft to a friend in London, with directions to deposit it in the
+hands of a certain banker, for the purchase of the first ensigncy to be
+sold; and she took the liberty of sending a third to Peregrine, couched
+in very affectionate terms, with a kind postscript, signed by Miss Sophy
+and his charming Emily.
+
+This affair being transacted to the satisfaction of all concerned,
+preparations were set on foot for the departure of our hero, on whom his
+uncle settled an annuity of eight hundred pounds, being little less than
+one half of his whole income. By this time, indeed, the old gentleman
+could easily afford to alienate such a part of his fortune, because he
+entertained little or no company, kept few servants, and was remarkably
+plain and frugal in his housekeeping. Mrs. Trunnion being now some
+years on the wrong side of fifty, her infirmities began to increase; and
+though her pride had suffered no diminution, her vanity was altogether
+subdued by her avarice.
+
+A Swiss valet-de-chambre, who had already made the tour of Europe, was
+hired for the care of Peregrine's own person. Pipes being ignorant of
+the French language, as well as otherwise unfit for the office of
+a fashionable attendant, it was resolved that he should remain in
+garrison; and his place was immediately supplied by a Parisian lacquey
+engaged at London for that purpose. Pipes did not seem to relish this
+disposition of things; and though he made no verbal objections to it,
+looked remarkably sour at his successor upon his first arrival; but this
+sullen fit seemed gradually to wear off; and long before his master's
+departure, he had recovered his natural tranquility and unconcern.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI.
+
+
+
+The two young Gentlemen display their talents for Gallantry, in the
+course of which they are involved in a ludicrous circumstance of
+Distress, and afterwards take Vengeance on the Author of their Mishap.
+
+
+Meanwhile our hero and his new friend, together with honest Jack
+Hatchway, made daily excursions into the country, visited the gentlemen
+in the neighbourhood, and frequently accompanied them to the chase;
+all three being exceedingly caressed on account of their talents, which
+could accommodate themselves with great facility to the tempers and
+turns of their entertainers. The lieutenant was a droll in his way,
+Peregrine possessed a great fund of sprightliness and good-humour, and
+Godfrey, among his other qualifications already recited, sang a most
+excellent song; so that the company of this triumvirate was courted
+in all parties, whether male or female: and if the hearts of our
+young gentlemen had not been pre-engaged, they would have met with
+opportunities in abundance of displaying their address in the art of
+love: not but that they gave loose to their gallantry without much
+interesting their affections, and amused themselves with little
+intrigues, which, in the opinion of a man of pleasure, do not affect his
+fidelity to the acknowledged sovereign of his soul.
+
+In the midst of these amusements, our hero received an intimation from
+his sister, that she should be overjoyed to meet him next day, at five
+o'clock in the afternoon, at the house of her nurse, who lived in a
+cottage hard by her father's habitation, she being debarred from all
+opportunity of seeing him in any other place by the severity of her
+mother, who suspected her inclination. He accordingly obeyed the
+summons, and went at the time appointed to the place of rendezvous,
+where he met this affectionate young lady, who when he entered the room,
+ran towards him with all the eagerness of transport, flung her arms
+about his neck, and shed a flood of tears in his bosom before she
+could utter one word, except a repetition of My dear, dear brother! He
+embraced her with all the piety of fraternal tenderness, wept over her
+in his turn, assured her that this was one of the happiest moments of
+his life, and kindly thanked her for having resisted the example, and
+disobeyed the injunctions, of his mother's unnatural aversion.
+
+He was ravished to find, by her conversation, that she possessed a
+great share of sensibility and prudent reflection; for she lamented the
+infatuation of her parents with the most filial regret, and expressed
+such abhorrence and concern at the villainous disposition of her younger
+brother as a humane sister may be supposed to have entertained. He made
+her acquainted with all the circumstances of his own fortune; and, as he
+supposed she spent her time very disagreeably at home, among characters
+which must be shockingly interesting, professed a desire of removing her
+into some other sphere, where she could live with more tranquility and
+satisfaction.
+
+She objected to this proposal as an expedient that would infallibly
+subject her to the implacable resentment of her mother, whose favour and
+affection she at present enjoyed but in a very inconsiderable degree;
+and they had canvassed divers schemes of corresponding for the future,
+when the voice of Mrs. Pickle was heard at the door. Miss Julia (that
+was the young lady's name), finding herself betrayed, was seized with
+a violent agitation of fear; and Peregrine scarce had time to encourage
+her with a promise of protection, before the door of the apartment being
+flung open, this irreconcilable parent rushed in, and, with a furious
+aspect, flew directly at her trembling daughter, when, the son
+interposing, received the first discharge of her fury.
+
+Her eyes gleamed with all the rage of indignation, which choked up her
+utterance, and seemed to convulse her whole frame: she twisted her left
+hand in his hair, and with the other buffeted him about the face till
+the blood gushed from his nostrils and mouth; while he defended his
+sister from the cruelty of Gam, who assaulted her from another quarter,
+seeing his brother engaged. This attack lasted several minutes with
+great violence, till at length Peregrine, finding himself in danger of
+being overpowered if he should remain any longer on the defensive, laid
+his brother on his back; then he disentangled his mother's hand from his
+own hair, and, having pushed her gently out of the room, bolted the door
+on the inside; finally, turning to Gam, he threw him out at the window,
+among a parcel of hogs that fed under it. By this time Julia was almost
+quite distracted with terror: she knew she had offended beyond all hope
+of forgiveness, and from that moment considered herself as an exile from
+her father's house: in vain did her brother strive to console her
+with fresh protestations of love and protection; she counted herself
+extremely miserable in being obliged to endure the eternal resentment
+of a parent with whom she had hitherto lived; and dreaded the censure of
+the world, which, from her mother's misrepresentation, she was sensible
+would condemn her unheard. That she might not, however, neglect any
+means in her power of averting this storm, she resolved to appease, if
+possible, her mother's wrath with humiliation, and even appeal to the
+influence of her father, weak as it was, before she would despair
+of being forgiven. But the good lady spared her this unnecessary
+application, by telling her, through the keyhole, that she must never
+expect to come within her father's door again; for, from that hour, she
+renounced her as unworthy of her affection and regard. Julia, weeping
+bitterly, endeavoured to soften the rigour of this sentence by the most
+submissive and reasonable remonstrances; but as, in her vindication, she
+of necessity espoused her elder brother's cause, her endeavours, instead
+of soothing, served only to exasperate her mother to a higher pitch of
+indignation, which discharged itself in invectives against Peregrine,
+whom she reviled with the epithets of a worthless, abandoned reprobate.
+
+The youth, hearing these unjust aspersions, trembled with resentment
+through every limb, assuring the upbraider that he considered her as an
+object of compassion; "for without all doubt," said he, "your diabolical
+rancour must be severely punished by the thorns of your own conscience,
+which this very instant taxes you with the malice and falsehood of your
+reproaches. As for my sister, I bless God that you have not been able
+to infect her with your unnatural prejudice, which, because she is too
+just, too virtuous, too humane to imbibe, you reject her as an alien to
+your blood, and turn her out unprovided into a barbarous world. But even
+there your vicious purpose shall be defeated: that same Providence, that
+screened me from the cruelty of your hate, shall extend its protection
+to her, until I shall find it convenient to assert by law that right of
+maintenance which Nature, it seems, hath bestowed upon us in vain. In
+the mean time, you will enjoy the satisfaction of paying an undivided
+attention to that darling son, whose amiable qualities have so long
+engaged and engrossed your love and esteem."
+
+This freedom of expostulation exalted his mother's ire to mere frenzy:
+she cursed him with the bitterest imprecations, and raved like a
+bedlamite at the door, which she attempted to burst open. Her efforts
+were seconded by her favourite son, who denounced vengeance against
+Peregrine, and made furious assaults against the lock, which resisted
+all their applications, until our hero espying his friends Gauntlet and
+Pipes stepping over a stile that stood about a furlong from the window,
+called them to his assistance: giving them to understand how he was
+besieged, he desired they would keep off his mother, that he might the
+more easily secure his sister Julia's retreat. The young soldier entered
+accordingly, and, posting, himself between Mrs. Pickle and the door,
+gave the signal to his friend, who, lifting up his sister in his arms,
+carried her safe without the clutches of this she-dragon, while Pipes,
+with his cudgel, kept young master at bay.
+
+The mother, being thus deprived of her prey, sprang upon Gauntlet like
+a lioness robbed of her whelps; and he must have suffered sorely in the
+flesh, had he not prevented her mischievous intent by seizing both her
+wrists, and so keeping her at due distance. In attempting to disengage
+herself from his grasp, she struggled with such exertion, and suffered
+such agony of passion at the same time, that she actually fell into
+a severe fit, during which she was put to bed, and the confederates
+retired without further molestation.
+
+In the mean time, Peregrine was not a little perplexed about the
+disposal of his sister, whom he had rescued. He could not endure the
+thoughts of saddling the commodore with a new expense; and he was afraid
+of undertaking the charge of Julia, without his benefactor's advice and
+direction: for the present, however, he carried her to the house of a
+gentleman in the neighbourhood, whose lady was her godmother, where she
+was received with great tenderness and condolence; and he purposed to
+inquire for some creditable house, where she might be genteelly boarded
+in his absence; resolving to maintain her from the savings of his own
+allowance, which he thought might very well bear such reduction. But
+this intention was frustrated by the publication of the whole affair,
+which was divulged next day, and soon reached the ears of Trunnion,
+who chid his godson for having concealed the adventure; and, with the
+approbation of his wife, ordered him to bring Julia forthwith to the
+garrison. The young gentleman, with tears of gratitude in his eyes,
+explained his design of maintaining her at his own expense, and
+earnestly begged that he might not be deprived of that satisfaction. But
+his uncle was deaf to all his entreaties, and insisted upon her living
+in the garrison, though for no other reason than that of being company
+to her aunt, who, he observed, was lost for want of conversation.
+
+Julia was accordingly brought home, and settled under the tuition of
+Mrs. Trunnion, who, whatever face she might put on the matter, could
+have dispensed with the society of her niece, though she was not without
+hope of gratifying her pique to Mrs. Pickle, by the intelligence she
+would receive from the daughter of that lady's economy and domestic
+behaviour. The mother herself seemed conscious of this advantage which
+her sister-in-law had now gained over her, being as much chagrined at
+the news of Julia's reception in the garrison, as if she had heard of
+her own husband's death. She even tortured her invention to propagate
+calumnies against the reputation of her own daughter, whom she slandered
+in all companies; she exclaimed against the commodore as an old
+ruffian, who spirited up rebellion among her children, and imputed the
+hospitality of his wife, in countenancing them, to nothing else but her
+inveterate enmity to their mother, whom they had disobliged. She now
+insisted, in the most peremptory terms, upon her husband's renouncing
+all commerce with the old lad of the castle and his adherents; and Mr.
+Gamaliel, having by this time contracted other friendships, readily
+submitted to her will; nay, even refused to communicate with the
+commodore one night, when they happened to meet by accident at the
+public-house.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII.
+
+
+
+The Commodore sends a Challenge to Gamaliel, and is imposed upon by a
+waggish invention of the Lieutenant, Peregrine, and Gauntlet.
+
+
+This affront Trunnion could by no means digest: he advised with the
+lieutenant upon the subject; and the result of their consultation was a
+defiance which the old commander sent to Pickle, demanding that he would
+meet him at such a place on horseback with a brace of pistols, and give
+satisfaction for the slight he had put upon him. Nothing could have
+afforded more pleasure to Jack than the acceptance of this challenge,
+which he delivered verbally to Mr. Gamaliel, who was called out from
+the club at Tunley's for that purpose. The nature of this message had an
+instantaneous effect upon the constitution of the pacific Pickle, whose
+bowels yearned with apprehension, and underwent such violent agitation
+on the spot, that one would have thought the operation proceeded from
+some severe joke of the apothecary which he had swallowed in his beer.
+
+The messenger, despairing of a satisfactory answer, left him in this
+woeful condition; and being loath to lose any opportunity of raising the
+laugh against the commodore, went immediately and communicated the whole
+affair to the young gentlemen, entreating them, for the love of God,
+to concert some means of bringing old Hannibal into the field. The
+two friends relished the proposal; and after some deliberation, it was
+resolved that Hatchway should tell Trunnion his invitation was accepted
+by Gamaliel, who would meet him at the place appointed, with his second,
+to-morrow in the twilight, because, if either should fall, the other
+would have the chance of escaping in the dark; that Godfrey should
+personate old Pickle's friend, and Peregrine represent his own father;
+while the lieutenant should take care in loading the pistols to keep out
+the shot, so that no damage might be done in the rencounter.
+
+These circumstances being adjusted, the lieutenant returned to his
+principal with a most thundering reply from his antagonist, whose
+courageous behaviour, though it could not intimidate, did not fail to
+astonish the commodore, who ascribed it to the spirit of his wife,
+which had inspired him. Trunnion that instant desired his counsellor to
+prepare his cartridge-box, and order the quietest horse in the stable to
+be kept ready saddled for the occasion; his eye seemed to lighten with
+alacrity and pleasure at the prospect of smelling gunpowder once more
+before his death; and when Jack advised him to make his will, in case of
+accident, he rejected his counsel with disdain, saying, "What! dost thou
+think that Hawser Trunnion, who has stood the fire of so many floating
+batteries, runs any risk from the lousy pops of a landman? Thou shalt
+see, thou shalt see, how I'll make him lower his topsails."
+
+Next day Peregrine and the soldier provided themselves with horses at
+the public-house, from whence, at the destined hour, they rode to the
+field of battle, each of them being muffed in a great coat, which, with
+the dimness of the light, effectually shielded them from the knowledge
+of the one-eyed commander, who, having taken horse, on pretence of
+enjoying the fresh air, soon appeared with Hatchway in his rear. When
+they came within sight of each other, the seconds advanced, in order to
+divide the ground, and regulate the measures of the combat; when it was
+determined by mutual consent, that two pistols should be discharged on
+each side, and that if neither should prove decisive, recourse must
+be had to the broad-swords, in order to ascertain the victory. These
+articles being settled, the opponents rode forward to their respective
+stations, when Peregrine, cocking his pistol, and presenting,
+counterfeited his father's voice, bidding Trunnion take care of his
+remaining eye.
+
+The commodore took his advice, being unwilling to hazard his daylight,
+and very deliberately opposed the patched side of his face to the muzzle
+of his antagonist's piece, desiring him to do his duty without farther
+jaw. The young man accordingly fired; and the distance being small,
+the wad of his pistol took place with a smart stroke on the forehead of
+Trunnion. Mistaking it for a ball, which he thought lodged in his brain,
+spurred up his steed in a state of desperation towards his antagonist,
+and holding his piece within two yards of his body, let it off, without
+any regard to the laws of battle. Surprised and enraged to see it had
+made no impression, he halloed, in a terrible tone, "O! d-ye, you have
+your netting stuffed, I see;" and advancing, he discharged his second
+pistol so near his godson's head, that had he not been defended by his
+great coat, the powder must have scorched his face. Having thus thrown
+away his fire, he remained at the mercy of Peregrine, who clapping the
+piece he had in reserve to his head, commanded him to beg his life,
+and ask pardon for his presumption. The commodore made no reply to this
+imperious injunction; but, dropping his pistol, and unsheathing his
+broad-sword in an instant, attacked our hero with such incredible
+agility, that if he had not made shift to ward off the stroke with his
+piece, the adventure, in all likelihood, would have turned out a very
+tragical joke.
+
+Peregrine finding it would be in vain for him to think of drawing his
+weapon, or of standing on the defensive against this furious aggressor,
+very fairly clapped spurs to his nag, and sought his safety in flight.
+Trunnion pursued him with infinite eagerness; and his steed being the
+better of the two, would have overtaken the fugitive to his peril, had
+he not been unfortunately encountered by the boughs of a tree, that
+happened to stand on his blind side, and incommoded him so much, that
+he was fain to quit his sword, and lay hold on the mane in order to
+maintain his seat. Perry perceiving his disaster, wheeled about, and now
+finding leisure to produce his weapon, returned upon his disarmed foe,
+brandishing his Ferrara, threatening to make him shorter by the head
+if he would not immediately crave quarter and yield. There was nothing
+farther from the intention of the old gentleman than such submission,
+which he flatly refused to pay, alleging that he had already compelled
+his enemy to clap on all sails, and that his own present misfortune was
+owing to accident; all one as if a ship should be attacked, after she
+had been obliged to heave her guns overboard in a storm.
+
+Before Peregrine had time to answer this remonstrance, the lieutenant
+interposed, and taking cognizance of the case, established a truce,
+until he and the other second should discuss and decide upon the merits
+of the case. They accordingly retired to a small distance; and after
+having conferred a few minutes, Hatchway returned and pronounced the
+commodore vanquished by the chance of war.
+
+Never was rage more than that which took possession of old Hannibal,
+when he heard the sentence: it was some time before he could utter
+aught, except the reproachful expression, "You lie!" which he repeated
+more than twenty times, in a sort of delirious insensibility. When he
+recovered the further use of speech, he abused the arbitrators with such
+bitter invectives, renouncing their sentence, and appealing to another
+trial, that the confederates began to repent of having carried the joke
+so far; and Peregrine, in order to appease his choler, owned himself
+overcome.
+
+This acknowledgment calmed the tumult of his wrath, though he could not
+for some days forgive the lieutenant; and the two young gentlemen rode
+back to Tunley's, while Hatchway, taking the commodore's horse by the
+bridle, reconducted him to his mansion, growling all the way to Jack for
+his unjust and unfriendly decree; though he could not help observing,
+as how he had made his words good, in making his adversary to strike his
+top-sails: "And yet," said he, "before God! I think the fellow's head is
+made of a wood-pack: for my shot rebounded from his face like a wad of
+spun-yarn from the walls of a ship. But if so be that son of a b-- of
+a tree hadn't come athwart my weather-bow, d'ye see, I'll be d--d if
+I hadn't snapt his main-yard in the slings, and mayhap let out his
+bulge-water into the bargain." He seemed particularly vain of this
+exploit, which dwelt upon his imagination, and was cherished as the
+child of his old age; for though he could not with decency rehearse
+it to the young men and his wife at supper, he gave hints of his own
+manhood, even at these years, and attested Hatchway as a voucher for his
+mettle; while the triumvirate, diverted by his vanity, enjoyed in secret
+the success of their imposition.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine takes leave of his Aunt and Sister--Sets out from the
+Garrison-Parts with his Uncle and Hatchway on the Road, and with his
+Governor arrives in safety at Dover.
+
+
+This, however, was the last effort of invention which they practised
+upon him; and everything being now prepared for the departure of his
+godson, that hopeful youth in two days took leave of all his friends in
+the neighbourhood. He was closeted two whole hours with his aunt, who
+enriched him with many pious advices, recapitulated all the benefits
+which, through her means, had been conferred upon him since his infancy,
+cautioned him against the temptations of lewd women, who bring many a
+man to a morsel of bread, laid strict injunctions upon him to live in
+the fear of the Lord and the true Protestant faith, to eschew quarrels
+and contention, to treat Mr. Jolter with reverence and regard, and above
+all things to abstain from the beastly sin of drunkenness, which
+exposes a man to the scorn and contempt of his fellow-creatures, and, by
+divesting him of reason and reflection, renders him fit for all manner
+of vice and debauchery. She recommended to him economy, and the care of
+his health, bade him remember the honour of his family, and in all the
+circumstances of his behaviour, assured him that he might always depend
+upon the friendship and generosity of the commodore. Finally, presenting
+him with her own picture set in gold, and a hundred guineas from her
+privy purse, she embraced him affectionately, and wished him all manner
+of happiness and prosperity.
+
+Being thus kindly dismissed by Mrs. Trunnion, he locked himself up with
+his sister Julia, whom he admonished to cultivate her aunt with the
+most complaisant and respectful attention, without stooping to any
+circumstance of submission that she should judge unworthy of her
+practice: he protested that his chief study should be to make her amends
+for the privilege she had forfeited by her affection for him; entreated
+her to enter into no engagement without his knowledge and approbation;
+put into her hand the purse, which he had received from his aunt, to
+defray her pocket expenses in his absence; and parted from her, not
+without tears, after she had for some minutes hung about his neck,
+kissing him, and weeping in the most pathetic silence.
+
+Having performed these duties of affection and consanguinity over-night,
+he went to bed, and was, by his own direction, called at four o'clock
+in the morning, when he found the post-chaise, coach, and riding-horses
+ready at the gate, his friends Gauntlet and Hatchway on foot, the
+commodore himself almost dressed, and every servant in the garrison
+assembled in he yard to wish him a good journey. Our hero shook each
+of these humble friends by the hand, tipping them at the same time
+with marks of his bounty; and was very much surprised when he could not
+perceive his old attendant Pipes among the number. When he expressed his
+wonder at this disrespectful omission of Tom, some of those present ran
+to his chamber, in order to give him a call; but his hammock and room
+were both deserted, and they soon returned with an account of his having
+eloped. Peregrine was disturbed at this information, believing that
+the fellow had taken some desperate course, in consequence of his being
+dismissed from his service, and began to wish that he had indulged his
+inclination, by retaining him still about his person. However, as
+there was now no other remedy, he recommended him strenuously to the
+particular favour and distinction of his uncle and Hatchway, in case he
+should appear again; and as he went out of the gate, was saluted with
+three cheers by all the domestics in the family.
+
+The commodore, Gauntlet, lieutenant, Peregrine, and Jolter went into the
+coach together, that they might enjoy each other's conversation as
+much as possible, resolving to breakfast at an inn upon the road, where
+Trunnion and Hatchway intended to bid our adventurer farewell; the
+Valet-de-chambre got into the post-chaise; the French lacquey rode one
+horse, and led another; one of the valets of the garrison mounted at the
+back of the coach; and thus the cavalcade set out on the road to Dover.
+
+As the commodore could not bear the fatigue of jolting, they travelled
+at an easy pace during the fist stage; so that the old gentleman had an
+opportunity of communicating his exhortations to his godson, with
+regard to his conduct abroad: he advised him, now that he was going
+into foreign parts, to be upon his guard against the fair weather of the
+French politesse, which was no more to be trusted than a whirlpool at
+sea. He observed that many young men had gone to Paris with good cargoes
+of sense, and returned with a great deal of canvas, and no ballast
+at all, whereby they became crank all the days of their lives, and
+sometimes carried their keels above water. He desired Mr. Jolter to keep
+his pupil out of the clutches of those sharking priests who lie in wait
+to make converts of all young strangers, and in a particular manner
+cautioned the youth against carnal conversation with the Parisian dames,
+who, he understood, were no better than gaudy fire-ships ready primed
+with death and destruction.
+
+Peregrine listened with great respect, thanking him for his kind
+admonitions, which he faithfully promised to observe. The halted and
+breakfasted at the end of the stage, where Jolter provided himself with
+a horse, and the commodore settled the method of corresponding with his
+nephew. The minute of parting being arrived, the old commander wrung his
+godson by the hand, saying, "I wish thee a prosperous voyage and good
+cheer, my lad: my timbers are now a little crazy, d'ye see; and God
+knows if I shall keep afloat till such time as I see thee again; but
+howsomever, hap what will, thou wilt find thyself in a condition to keep
+in the line with the rest of thy fellows." He then reminded Gauntlet
+of his promise to call at the garrison in his return from Dover, and
+imparted something in a whisper to the governor, while Jack Hatchway,
+unable to speak, pulled his hat over his eyes, and, squeezing Peregrine
+by the hand, gave him a pistol of curious workmanship, as a memorial
+of his friendship. Our youth, who was not unmoved on this occasion,
+received the pledge, which he acknowledged with the present of a
+tobacco-box bought for this purpose; and the two lads of the castle
+getting into the coach, were driven homewards, in a state of silent
+dejection.
+
+Godfrey and Peregrine seated themselves in the post-chaise; and Jolter,
+the valet-de-chambre, and lacquey, bestriding their beasts, they
+proceeded for the place of their destination, at which they arrived in
+safety that same night, and bespoke a passage in the packet-boat which
+was to sail next day.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV.
+
+
+
+He adjusts the Method of his Correspondence with Gauntlet; meets by
+accident with an Italian Charlatan, and a certain Apothecary, who proves
+to be a noted Character.
+
+
+There the two friends adjusted the articles of a future correspondence;
+and Peregrine, having written a letter to his mistress, wherein he
+renewed his former vows of eternal fidelity, it was intrusted to the
+care of her brother, while Mr. Jolter, at the desire of his pupil,
+provided an elegant supper, and some excellent Burgundy, that they might
+spend this eve of his departure with the greater enjoyment.
+
+Things being thus disposed, and a servant employed in laying the cloth,
+their ears were of a sudden invaded by a strange tumultuous noise in the
+next room, occasioned by the overthrow of tables, chairs, and glasses,
+with odd unintelligible exclamations in broken French, and a jargon of
+threats in the Welsh dialect. Our young gentlemen ran immediately into
+the apartment from whence this clamour seemed to proceed, and found a
+thin, meagre, swarthy figure, gasping, in all the agony of fear, under
+the hands of a squat, thick, hard-featured man, who collared him with
+great demonstrations of wrath, saying, "If you was as mighty a magician
+as Owen Glendower or the witch of Entor, look you, ay, ay, or as Paul
+Beor himself, I will meke pold, by the assistance of Got, and in his
+majesty's name, to seize and secure, and confine and confront you, until
+such time as you suffer and endure and undergo the pains and penalties
+of the law, for your diabolical practices. Shentlements," added he,
+turning to our adventurers, "I take you to witness, that I protest, and
+assert, and avow, that this person is as pig a necromancer as you would
+desire to behold; and I supplicate, and beseech, and entreat of you,
+that he may be prought pefore his petters, and compelled to give an
+account of his compact and commerce with the imps of darkness, look you;
+for, as I am a Christian soul, and hope for joyful resurrection, I have
+this plessed evening seen him perform such things as could not be done
+without the aid and instruction and connivance of the tevil."
+
+Gauntlet seemed to enter into the sentiments of this Welsh reformer,
+and actually laid hold on the delinquent's shoulder, crying, "D--n the
+rascal! I'll lay any wager that he's a Jesuit; for none of his order
+travel without a familiar." But Peregrine, who looked upon the affair
+in another point of view, interposed in behalf of the stranger, whom he
+freed from his aggressors, observing, that there was no occasion to use
+violence; and asked, in French, what he had done to incur the censure of
+the informer. The poor foreigner, more dead than alive, answered that
+he was an Italian charlatan, who had practised with some reputation
+in Padua, until he had the misfortune to attract the notice of the
+Inquisition, by exhibiting certain wonderful performances by his skill
+in natural knowledge, which that tribunal considered as the effects of
+sorcery, and persecuted him accordingly; so that he had been fain to
+make a precipitate retreat into France, where not finding his account
+in his talents, he was now arrived in England, with a view of practising
+his art in London; and that, in consequence of a specimen which he
+had given to a company below, the choleric gentleman had followed him
+up-stairs to his own apartment, and assaulted him in that inhospitable
+manner: he therefore earnestly begged that our hero would take him
+under his protection; and, if he entertained the least suspicion of his
+employing preternatural means in the operations of his art, he would
+freely communicate all the secrets in his possession.
+
+The youth dispelled his apprehension by assuring him that he was in no
+danger of suffering for his art in England, where, if ever he should be
+questioned by the zeal of superstitious individuals, he had nothing to
+do but appeal to the justice of the peace, who would immediately acquit
+him of the charge, and punish his accusers for their impertinence and
+indiscretion.
+
+He then told Gauntlet and the Welshman that the stranger had a good
+action against them for an assault, by virtue of an Act of Parliament,
+which makes it criminal for any person to accuse another of sorcery and
+witchcraft, these idle notions being now justly exploded by all sensible
+men. Mr. Jolter, who had by this time joined the company, could not
+help signifying his dissent from this opinion of his pupil, which he
+endeavoured to invalidate by the authority of Scripture, quotations from
+the Fathers, and the confession of many wretches who suffered death for
+having carried on correspondence with evil spirits together with
+the evidence of "Satan's Invisible World," and Moreton's "History of
+Witchcraft."
+
+The soldier corroborated these testimonies by facts that had happened
+within the sphere of his own knowledge, and in particular mentioned the
+case of an old woman of the parish in which he was born, who used to
+transform herself into the shapes of sundry animals, and was at last
+killed by small shot in the character of a hare. The Welshman, thus
+supported, expressed his surprise at hearing that the legislature had
+shown such tenderness for criminals of so dark a hue, and offered to
+prove, by undeniable instances, that there was not a mountain in
+Wales which had not been, in his memory, the scene of necromancy and
+witchcraft. "Wherefore," said he, "I am assuredly more than above
+astonished and confounded and concerned that the Parliament of Great
+Britain should, in their great wisdoms, and their prudence, and their
+penetration, give countenance and encouragement, look you, to the works
+of darkness and the empire of Pelzepup--ofer and apove the evidence of
+holy writ, and those writers who have been quoted by that aggurate and
+learned shentleman, we are informed, by profane history, of the pribbles
+and pranks of the old serpent, in the bortents and oragles of antiquity,
+as you will find in that most excellent historian Bolypius, and Titus
+Lifius; ay, and moreofer, in the Commentaries of Julius Caesar himself,
+who, as the ole world knows, was a most famous, and a most faliant, and
+a most wise, and a most prudent, and a most fortunate chieftain, and a
+most renowned orator; ay, and a most elegant writer to boot."
+
+Peregrine did not think proper to enter the lists of dispute with three
+such obstinate antagonists, but contented himself with saying that he
+believed it would be no difficult matter to impugn the arguments
+they had advanced; though he did not find himself at all disposed to
+undertake the task, which must of course break in upon the evening's
+entertainment. He therefore invited the Italian to supper, and asked
+the same favour of his accuser, who seemed to have something curious and
+characteristic in his manner and disposition, resolving to make himself
+an eye-witness of those surprising feats which had given offence to
+the choleric Briton. This scrupulous gentleman thanked our hero for
+his courtesy, but declined communicating with the stranger until his
+character should be further explained; upon which his inviter, after
+some conversation with the charlatan, assured him that he would himself
+undertake for the innocence of his art; and then he was prevailed upon
+to favour them with his company.
+
+In the course of the conversation, Peregrine learned that the Welshman
+was a surgeon of Canterbury, who had been called in to a consultation at
+Dover; and, understanding that his name was Morgan, took the liberty
+of asking if he was not the person so respectfully mentioned in the
+"Adventures of Roderick Random." Mr. Morgan assumed a look of gravity
+and importance at this interrogation, and, screwing up his mouth,
+answered, "Mr. Rantum, my good sir, I believe, upon my conscience and
+salfation, is my very goot frient and well-wisher; and he and I have
+been companions and messmates and fellow-sufferers, look you; but
+nevertheless, for all that, peradventure he hath not pehaved with so
+much complaisance and affability and respect as I might have expected
+from him; pecause he hath revealed and tivulged and buplished our
+private affairs, without my knowledge and privity and consent; but as
+Got is my Safiour, I think he had no evil intention in his pelly; and
+though there be certain persons, look you, who, as I am told, take
+upon them to laugh at his descriptions of my person, deportment, and
+conversation, I do affirm and maintain, and insist with my heart, and
+my plood, and my soul, that those persons are no petter than ignorant
+asses, and that they know not how to discern and distinguish and define
+true ridicule, or, as Aristotle calls it, the to Geloion, no more, look
+you, than a herd of mountain goats; for I will make pold to observe--and
+I hope this goot company will be of the same opinion--that there is
+nothing said of me in that performance which is unworthy of a Christian
+and a shentleman."
+
+Our young gentleman and his friends acquiesced in the justness of his
+observation. Peregrine particularly assured him that, from reading
+the book, he had conceived the utmost regard and veneration for his
+character, and that he thought himself extremely fortunate in having
+this opportunity of enjoying his conversation. Morgan, not a little
+proud of such advances from a person of Peregrine's appearance, returned
+the compliment with a profusion of civility, and, in the warmth of
+acknowledgment, expressed a desire of seeing him and his company at his
+house in Canterbury. "I will not pretend, or presume, kind sir," said
+he, "to entertain you according to your merits and deserts; but you
+shall be as welcome to my poor cottage, and my wife and family, as the
+prince of Wales himself; and it shall go hard if, one way or other, I
+do not find ways and means of making you confess that there is some goot
+fellowship in an ancient Priton; for though I am no petter than a simple
+apothecary, I have as goot plood circulating in my veins as any he in
+the county; and I can describe and delineate and demonstrate my pedigree
+to the satisfaction of the 'ole 'orld; and, moreofer, by Got's goot
+providence and assistance, I can afford to treat my friend with joint of
+good mutton and a pottle of excellent wine, and no tradesman can peard
+me with a bill."
+
+He was congratulated on his happy situation, and assured that our youth
+would visit him on his return from France, provided he should take
+Canterbury in his route. As Peregrine manifested an inclination of
+being acquainted with the state of his affairs, he very complaisantly
+satisfied his curiosity by giving him to know that his spouse had left
+off breeding, after having blessed him with two boys and a girl,
+who were still alive and well; that he lived in good esteem with
+his neighbors; and by his practice, which was considerably extended
+immediately after the publication of Roderick Random, had saved some
+thousand pounds. He had begun to think of retiring among his own
+relations in Glamorganshire, though his wife had made objection to this
+proposal, and opposed the execution of it with such obstinacy, that
+he had been at infinite pains in asserting his own prerogative by
+convincing her, both from reason and example, that he was king, and
+priest in his own family, and that she owed the most implicit submission
+to his will. He likewise informed the company that he had lately seen
+his friend Roderick, who had come from London on purpose to visit him,
+after having gained his lawsuit with Mr. Topeball, who was obliged to
+pay Narcissa's fortune; that Mr. Random, in all appearance, led a very
+happy life in the conversation of his father and bed-fellow, by whom he
+enjoyed a son and daughter; and that Morgan had received, in a present
+from him, a piece of very fine linen of his wife's own making, several
+kits of salmon, and two casks of pickled pork--the most delicate he
+had ever tasted; together with a barrel of excellent herrings for
+salmagundy, which he knew to be his favourite dish.
+
+This topic of conversation being discussed, the Italian was desired to
+exhibit a specimen of his art, and in a few minutes he conducted the
+company into the next room, where, to their great astonishment and
+affright, they beheld a thousand serpents winding along the ceiling.
+Morgan, struck with this phenomenon, which he had not seen before, began
+to utter exorcisms with great devotion, Mr. Jolter ran of the room,
+Gauntlet drew his hanger, and Peregrine himself was disconcerted. The
+operator, perceiving their confusion, desired them to retire, and,
+calling them back in an instant, there was not a viper to be seen. He
+raised their admiration by sundry other performances and the Welshman's
+former opinion and abhorrence of his character began to recur, when,
+in consideration of the civility with which he had been treated, this
+Italian imparted to them all the methods by which he had acted such
+wonders, that were no other than the effects of natural causes curiously
+combined; so that Morgan became a convert to his skill, asked pardon for
+the suspicion he had entertained, and invited the stranger to pass a
+few days with him at Canterbury. The scruples of Godfrey and Jolter were
+removed at the same time, and Peregrine testified his satisfaction by a
+handsome gratuity which he bestowed upon their entertainer.
+
+The evening being spent in this sociable manner, every man retired to
+his respective chamber, and next morning they breakfasted together,
+when Morgan declared he would stay till he should see our hero fairly
+embarked, that he might have the pleasure of Mr. Gauntlet's company to
+his own habitation: meanwhile, by the skipper's advice, the servants
+were ordered to carry a store of wine and provision on board, in case of
+accident; and, as the packet-boat could not sail before one o'clock, the
+company walked up hill to visit the castle, where they saw the sword
+of Julius Caesar, and Queen Elizabeth's pocket pistol; repeated
+Shakespeare's description, while they surveyed the chalky cliffs on each
+side, and cast their eyes towards the city of Calais, that was obscured
+by a thick cloud which did not much regale their eye-sight, because it
+seemed to portend foul weather.
+
+Having viewed everything remarkable in this place, they returned to
+the pier, where, after the compliments of parting, and an affectionate
+embrace between the two young gentlemen, Peregrine and his governor
+stepped aboard, the sails were hoisted, and they went to sea with a fair
+wind, while Godfrey, Morgan, and the conjurer walked back to the inn,
+from whence they set out for Canterbury before dinner.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV.
+
+
+
+He embarks for France--Is overtaken by a Storm--Is surprised with
+the Appearance of Pipes--Lands at Calais, and has an Affray with the
+Officers at the Custom-house.
+
+
+Scarce had the vessel proceeded two leagues on the passage, when, the
+wind shifting, blew directly in her teeth; so that they were obliged to
+haul upon a wind, and alter their course. The sea running pretty high
+at the same time, our hero, who was below in his cabin, began to be
+squeamish, and, in consequence of the skipper's advice, went upon deck
+for the comfort of his stomach; while the governor, experienced in these
+disasters, slipped into bed, where he lay at his ease, amusing himself
+with a treatise on the cycloid, with algebraical demonstrations, which
+never failed to engage his imagination in the most agreeable manner.
+
+In the mean time the wind increased to a very hard gale, the vessel
+pitched with great violence, the sea washed over the deck, the master
+was alarmed, the crew were confounded, the passengers were overwhelmed
+with sickness and fear, and universal distraction ensued. In the midst
+of this uproar, Peregrine holding fast by the taffrail, and looking
+ruefully ahead, the countenance of Pipes presented itself to his
+astonished view, rising, as it were, from the hold of the ship. At first
+he imagined it was a fear-formed shadow of his own brain; though he
+did not long remain in this error, but plainly perceived that it was no
+other than the real person of Thomas, who, jumping on the quarter-deck,
+took charge of the helm, and dictated to the sailors with as much
+authority as if he had been commander of the ship. The skipper
+looked upon him as an angel sent to his assistance; and the crew
+soon discovered him to be a thoroughbred seaman, notwithstanding his
+livery-frock; obeyed his orders with such alacrity, that, in a little
+time, the confusion vanished; and every necessary step was taken to
+weather the gale.
+
+Our young gentleman immediately conceived the meaning of Tom's
+appearance on board; and when the tumult was a little subsided, went up,
+and encouraged him to exert himself for the preservation of the ship,
+promising to take him again into his service, from which he should never
+be dismissed, except at his own desire. This assurance had a surprising
+effect upon Pipes, who, though he made no manner of reply, thrust the
+helm into the master's hands, saying, "Here, you old bumboat-woman, take
+hold of the tiller, and keep her thus, boy, thus;" and skipped about the
+vessel, trimming the sails, and managing the ropes with such agility and
+skill, that everybody on deck stood amazed at his dexterity.
+
+Mr. Jolter was far from being unconcerned at the uncommon motion of the
+vessel, the singing of the wind, and the uproar which he heard about
+him: he looked towards the cabin-door with the most fearful expectation,
+in hope of seeing some person who could give some account of the
+weather, and what was doing upon deck; but not a soul appeared, and he
+was too well acquainted with the disposition of his own bowels to make
+the least alteration in his attitude. When he had lain a good while in
+all the agony of suspense, the boy tumbled headlong into his apartment,
+with such noise, that he believed the mast had gone by the board; and
+starting upright in his bed, asked, with all the symptoms of horror,
+what was the cause of that disturbance? The boy, half-stunned by his
+fall, answered in a dolorous tone, "I'm come to put up the dead-lights."
+At the mention of dead-lights, the meaning of which he did not
+understand, the poor governor's heart died within him: he shivered with
+despair, his recollection forsaking him, he fell upon his knees in the
+bed, and, fixing his eyes upon the book which was in his hand, began to
+pronounce aloud with great fervour, "The time of a complete oscillation
+in the cycloid, is to the time in which a body would fall through
+the axis of the cycloid DV, as the circumference of a circle to its
+diameter."
+
+He would in all likelihood have proceeded with the demonstration of this
+proposition, had he not been seized with such a qualm as compelled
+him to drop the book, and accommodate himself to the emergency of his
+distemper: he therefore stretched himself at full length, and, putting
+up ejaculations to Heaven, began to prepare himself for his latter end,
+when all of a sudden the noise above was intermitted; and as he could
+not conceive the cause of this tremendous silence, he imagined that
+either the men were washed overboard, or that, despairing of safety,
+they had ceased to oppose the tempest. While he was harrowed by this
+miserable uncertainty, which, however, was not altogether unenlightened
+by some scattered rays of hope, the master entered the cabin: then he
+asked, with a voice half-extinguished by fear, how matters went upon
+deck; and the skipper, with a large bottle of brandy applied to his
+mouth, answered, in a hollow tone, "All's over now, master." Upon which,
+Mr. Jolter, giving himself over for lost, exclaimed, with the utmost
+horror, "Lord have mercy upon us! Christ have mercy upon us;" and
+repeated this supplication, as it were mechanically, until the master
+undeceived him by explaining the meaning of what he had said, and
+assuring him that the squall was over.
+
+Such a sudden transition from fear to joy occasioned a violent agitation
+both in his mind and body; and it was a full quarter of an hour, before
+he recovered the right use of his organs, By this time the weather
+cleared up, the wind began to blow again from the right corner, and the
+spires of Calais appeared at the distance of five leagues; so that the
+countenances of all on board were lighted up with joyous expectation and
+Peregrine, venturing to go down into the cabin, comforted his governor
+with an account of the happy turn of their affairs.
+
+Jolter, transported with the thought of a speedy landing, began to
+launch out in praise of that country for which they were bound. He
+observed, that France was the land of politeness and hospitality, which
+were conspicuous in the behaviour of all ranks and degrees, from the
+peer to the peasant; that a gentleman and a foreigner, far from being
+insulted and imposed upon by the lower class of people, as in England,
+was treated with the utmost reverence, candour, and respect; and their
+fields were fertile, their climate pure healthy, their farmers rich and
+industrious, the subjects in general the happiest of men. He would have
+prosecuted this favourite theme still farther, had not his pupil been
+obliged to run upon deck, in consequence of certain warnings he received
+from his stomach.
+
+The skipper seeing his condition, very honestly reminded him of the cold
+ham and fowls, with a basket of wine which he had ordered to be sent
+on board, and asked if he would have the cloth laid below. He could
+not have chosen a more seasonable opportunity of manifesting his own
+disinterestedness. Peregrine made wry faces at the mention of food,
+bidding him, for Heaven's sake, talk no more on that subject. He then
+descended into the cabin, and put the same question to Mr. Jolter, who,
+he knew, entertained the same abhorrence for his proposal; and meeting
+with the like reception from him, went between decks, and repeated his
+courteous proffer to the valet-de-chambre and lacquey, who lay sprawling
+in all the pangs of a double evacuation, and rejected his civility with
+the most horrible loathing. Thus baffled in all his kind endeavours,
+he ordered the boy to secure the provision in one of his own lockers,
+according to the custom of the ship.
+
+It being low water when they arrived on the French coast, the vessel
+could not enter the harbour, and they were obliged to bring to, and
+wait for a boat, which in less than half-an-hour came alongside from the
+shore. Mr. Jolter now came upon deck, and, snuffing up the French air
+with symptoms of infinite satisfaction, asked of the boatmen, with the
+friendly appellation of Mes enfants, what they demanded for transporting
+him and his pupil with their baggage to the pier. But how was he
+disconcerted, when those polite, candid, reasonable watermen demanded
+a louis d'or for that service! Peregrine, with a sarcastic sneer,
+observed, that he already began to perceive the justice of his encomiums
+on the French; and the disappointed governor could say nothing in his
+own vindication, but that they were debauched by their intercourse with
+the inhabitants of Dover. His pupil, however, was so much offended at
+their extortion, that he absolutely refused to employ them, even when
+they abated one half in their demand, and swore he would stay on
+board till the packet should be able to enter the harbour, rather than
+encourage such imposition.
+
+The master, who in all probability had some sort of fellow-feeling with
+the boatmen, in vain represented that he could not with safety lie-to
+or anchor upon a lee-shore: our hero, having consulted Pipes, answered,
+that he had hired his vessel to transport him to Calais, and that he
+would oblige him to perform what he had undertaken. The skipper, very
+much mortified at this peremptory reply, which was not over and above
+agreeable to Mr. Jolter, dismissed the boat, notwithstanding the
+solicitations and condescension of the watermen. Running a little
+farther in shore, they came to an anchor, and waited till there was
+water enough to float them over the bar. Then they stood into the
+harbour; and our gentleman, with his attendants and baggage, were
+landed on the pier by the sailors, whom he liberally rewarded for their
+trouble.
+
+He was immediately plied by a great number of porters, who, like so
+many hungry wolves, laid hold on his baggage, and began to carry it off
+piecemeal, without his order or direction. Incensed at this officious
+insolence, he commanded them to desist, with many oaths and opprobrious
+terms that his anger suggested; and perceiving, that one of them did
+not seem to pay any regard to what he said, but marched off with his
+burthen, he snatched a cudgel out of his lacquey's hand, and overtaking
+the fellow in a twinkling, brought him to the ground with one blow. He
+was instantly surrounded by the whole congregation of this canaille, who
+resented the injury which their brother had sustained, and would have
+taken immediate satisfaction on the aggressor, had not Pipes, seeing his
+master involved, brought the whole crew to his assistance, and exerted
+himself so manfully that the enemy were obliged to retreat with many
+marks of defeat, and menaces of interesting the commandant in their
+quarrel. Jolter, who knew and dreaded the power of the French governor,
+began to shake with apprehension, when he heard their repeated
+threats, but they durst not apply to this magistrate, who, upon a fair
+representation of the case, would have punished them severely for
+their rapacious and insolent behaviour. Peregrine, without further
+molestation, availed himself of his own attendants, who shouldered his
+baggage and followed him to the gate, where they were stopped by the
+sentinels until their names should be registered.
+
+Mr. Jolter, who had undergone this examination before, resolved to
+profit by his experience, and cunningly represented his pupil as a
+young English lord. This intimation, supported by the appearance of his
+equipage, was no sooner communicated to the officer, than he turned out
+the guard, and ordered his soldiers to rest upon their arms, while his
+lordship passed in great state to the Lion d'Argent, where he took up
+his lodging for the night, resolving to set out for Paris next morning
+in a post-chaise.
+
+The governor triumphed greatly in this piece of complaisance and respect
+with which they had been honoured, and resumed his beloved topic of
+discourse, in applauding the method and subordination of the French
+government, which was better calculated for maintaining order and
+protecting the people, than any constitution upon earth. Of their
+courteous attention to strangers, there needed no other proof than the
+compliment which had been paid to them, together with the governor's
+connivance at Peregrine's employing his own servants in carrying the
+baggage to the inn, contrary to the privilege of the inhabitants.
+
+While he expatiated with a remarkable degree of self-indulgence on
+this subject, the valet-de-chambre coming into the room interrupted his
+harangue by telling his master that their trunks and portmanteaus must
+be carried to the custom-house, in order to be searched, and sealed with
+lead, which must remain untouched until their arrival at Paris.
+
+Peregrine made no objection to this practice, which was in itself
+reasonable enough; but when he understood that the gate was besieged by
+another multitude of porters, who insisted upon their right of carrying
+the goods, and also of fixing their own price, he absolutely refused to
+comply with their demand. Nay, he chastised some of the most clamorous
+among them with his foot, and told them, that if their custom-house
+officers had a mind to examine his baggage, they might come to the inn
+for that purpose. The valet-de-chambre was abashed at this boldness of
+his master's behaviour, which the lacquey, shrugging up his shoulders,
+observed, was bien a l'Anglaise; while the governor represented it as an
+indignity to the whole nation, and endeavoured to persuade his pupil to
+comply with the custom of the place. But Peregrine's natural haughtiness
+of disposition hindered him from giving ear to Jolter's wholesome
+advice; and in less than half-an-hour they observed a file of musketeers
+marching up to the gate. At sight of this detachment the tutor trembled,
+the valet grew pale, and the lacquey crossed himself; but our hero,
+without exhibiting any other symptoms than those of indignation, met
+them on the threshold, and with a ferocious air demanded their business.
+The corporal who commanded the file answered, with great deliberation,
+that he had orders to convey his baggage to the custom-house; and seeing
+the trunks standing in the entry, placed his men between them and the
+owner, while the porters that followed took them up, and proceeded to
+the douane without opposition.
+
+Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the authority of this message; but
+in order to gall and specify his contempt for those who brought it, he
+called aloud to his valet, desiring him, in French, to accompany his
+things, and see that none of his linen and effects should be stolen by
+the searchers. The corporal, mortified at this satirical insinuation,
+darted a look of resentment at the author, as if he had been interested
+for the glory of his nation; and told him that he could perceive he was
+a stranger in France, or else he would have saved himself the trouble of
+such a needless precaution.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVI.
+
+
+
+He makes a fruitless Attempt in Gallantry--Departs for Boulogne, where
+he spends the evening with certain English Exiles.
+
+
+Having thus yielded to the hand of power, he inquired if there was any
+other English company in the house; when, understanding that a gentleman
+and lady lodged in the next apartment, and had bespoke a post-chaise for
+Paris, he ordered Pipes to ingratiate himself with their footman, and,
+if possible, learn their names and condition, while he and Mr. Jolter,
+attended by the lacquey, took a turn round the ramparts, and viewed the
+particulars of the fortification.
+
+Tom was so very successful in his inquiry, that when his master
+returned he was able to give him a very satisfactory account of his
+fellow-lodgers, in consequence of having treated his brother with a
+bottle of wine. The people in question were a gentleman and his lady
+lately arrived from England, in their way to Paris. The husband was
+a man of good fortune, who had been a libertine in his youth, and a
+professed declaimer against matrimony. He wanted neither sense nor
+experience, and piqued himself in particular upon his art of avoiding
+the snares of the female sex, in which he pretended to be deeply versed;
+but, notwithstanding all his caution and skill, he had lately fallen a
+sacrifice to the attractions of an oyster-wench, who had found means
+to decoy him into the bands of wedlock; and, in order to evade the
+compliments and congratulations of his friends and acquaintance, he had
+come so far on a tour to Paris, where he intended to initiate his spouse
+in the beau monde. In the mean time, he chose to live upon the reserve,
+because her natural talents had as yet received but little cultivation;
+and he had not the most implicit confidence in her virtue and
+discretion, which, it seems, had like to have yielded to the addresses
+of an officer at Canterbury, who had made shift to insinuate himself
+into her acquaintance and favour.
+
+Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by this information, he lounged
+about the yard, in hopes of seeing the dulcinea who had captivated the
+old bachelor; and at length observing her at a window, took the liberty
+of bowing to her with great respect. She returned the compliment with a
+curtsy, and appeared so decent in her dress and manner, that unless he
+had been previously informed of her former life and conversation, he
+never would have dreamt that her education was different from that
+of other ladies of fashion; so easy is it to acquire that external
+deportment on which people of condition value themselves so much. Not
+but that Mr. Pickle pretended to distinguish a certain vulgar audacity
+in her countenance, which in a lady of birth and fortune would have
+passed for an agreeable vivacity that enlivens the aspect, and gives
+poignancy to every feature; but as she possessed a pair of fine eyes,
+and a clear complexion overspread with a glow of health, which never
+fails of recommending the owner, he could not help gazing at her with
+desire, and forming the design of making a conquest of her heart.
+With this view, he sent his compliments to her husband whose name was
+Hornbeck, with an intimation that he proposed to set out the next day
+for Paris, and as he understood that he was resolved upon the same
+journey, he should be extremely glad of his company on the road, if he
+was not better engaged. Hornbeck, who in all probability did not choose
+to accommodate his wife with a squire of our hero's appearance, sent a
+civil answer to his message, professing infinite mortification at his
+being unable to embrace the favour of this kind offer, by reason of
+the indisposition of his wife, who, he was afraid, would not be in a
+condition for some days to bear the fatigue of travelling.
+
+This rebuff, which Peregrine ascribed to the husband's jealousy, stifled
+his project in embryo: he ordered his French servant to take a place
+for himself in the diligence, where all his luggage was stowed, except a
+small trunk, with some linen and other necessaries, that was fixed upon
+the post-chaise which they hired of the landlord; and early next morning
+he and Mr. Jolter departed from Calais, attended by his valet-de-chambre
+and Pipes on horseback. They proceeded without any accident as far
+as Boulogne, where they breakfasted, and visited old Father Graham, a
+Scottish gentleman of the governor's acquaintance, who had lived as a
+Capuchin in that place for the space of threescore years, and during
+that period conformed to all the austerities of the order with the most
+rigorous exactness, being equally remarkable for the frankness of his
+conversation, the humanity of his disposition, and the simplicity of his
+manners. From Boulogne they took their departure about noon; and as they
+proposed to sleep that night at Abbeville, commanded the postilion to
+drive with extra ordinary speed. Perhaps it was well for his cattle that
+the axletree gave way and the chaise of course overturned, before they
+had travelled one-third part of the stage.
+
+This accident compelled them to return to the place from whence they had
+set out; and as they could not procure another conveyance, they found
+themselves under the necessity of staying till their chaise could be
+refitted. Understanding that this operation would detain them a whole
+day, our young gentleman had recourse to his patience, and demanded
+to know what they could have for dinner; the garcon or waiter, thus
+questioned, vanished in a moment, and immediately they were surprised
+with the appearance of a strange figure, which, from the extravagance
+of its dress and gesticulation, Peregrine mistook for a madman of the
+growth of France. This phantom (which, by the bye, happened to be no
+other than the cook) was a tall, long-legged, meagre, swarthy fellow,
+that stooped very much; his cheek-bones were remarkably raised, his nose
+bent into the shape and size of a powder-horn, and the sockets of his
+eyes as raw round the edges as if the skin had been pared off. On his
+head he wore a handkerchief, which had once been white, and now served
+to cover the upper part of a black periwig, to which was attached a bag
+at least a foot square, with a solitaire and rose that stuck upon each
+side of his ear; so that he looked like a criminal on the pillory. His
+back was accommodated with a linen waistcoat, his hands adorned with
+long ruffles of the same piece, his middle was girded by an apron,
+tucked up, that it might not conceal his white silk stockings, rolled;
+and at his entrance he brandished a bloody weapon full three feet in
+length.
+
+Peregrine, when he first saw him approach in this menacing attitude, put
+himself upon his guard; but being informed of his quality, perused
+his bill of fare, and having bespoken three or four things for dinner,
+walked out with Mr. Jolter to view both towns, which they had not
+leisure to consider minutely before. In their return from the harbour
+they met with four or five gentlemen, all of whom seemed to look with an
+air of dejection, and perceiving our hero and his governor to be English
+by their dress, bowed with great respect as they passed. Pickle, who
+was naturally compassionate, felt an emotion of sympathy; and seeing a
+person, who by his habit he judged to be one of their servants, accosted
+him in English, and asked who the gentlemen were. The lacquey gave
+him to understand that they were his own countrymen, called from their
+native homes in consequence of their adherence to an unfortunate and
+ruined cause; and that they were gone to the sea-side, according to
+their daily practice, in order to indulge their longing eyes with a
+prospect of the white cliffs of Albion, which they must never more
+approach.
+
+Though our young gentleman differed widely from them in point of
+political principles, he was not one of those enthusiasts who look upon
+every schism from the established articles of faith as damnable,
+and exclude the sceptic from every benefit of humanity and Christian
+forgiveness: he could easily comprehend how a man of the most
+unblemished morals might, by the prejudice of education, or
+indispensable attachments, be engaged in such a blameworthy and
+pernicious undertaking; and thought that they had already suffered
+severely for their imprudence. He was affected with the account of their
+diurnal pilgrimage to the sea-side, which he considered as a pathetic
+proof of their affliction, and invested Mr. Jolter with the agreeable
+office of going to them with a compliment in his name, and begging the
+honour of drinking a glass with them in the evening. They accepted the
+proposal with great satisfaction and respectful acknowledgment, and
+in the afternoon waited upon the kind inviter, who treated them with
+coffee, and would have detained them to supper, but they entreated the
+favour of his company at the house which they frequented so earnestly,
+that he yielded to their solicitations, and, with his governor, was
+conducted by them to the place, where they had provided an elegant
+repast, and regaled them with some of the best claret in France.
+
+It was easy for them to perceive that their principal guest was no
+favourer of their state maxims, and therefore they industriously avoided
+every subject of conversation which could give the least offence: not
+but they lamented their own situation, which cut them off from all their
+dearest connections, and doomed them to perpetual banishment from their
+families and friends: but they did not, even by the most distant hint,
+impeach the justice of that sentence by which they were condemned;
+although one among them, who seemed to be about the age of thirty, wept
+bitterly over his misfortune, which had involved a beloved wife and
+three children in misery and distress; and, in the impatience of his
+grief, cursed his own fate with frantic imprecations. His companions,
+with a view of beguiling his sorrow, and manifesting their own
+hospitality at the same time, changed the topic of discourse, and
+circulated the bumpers with great assiduity; so that all their cares
+were overwhelmed and forgotten, several French drinking catches were
+sung, and mirth and good-fellowship prevailed.
+
+In the midst of this elevation, which commonly unlocks the most hidden
+sentiment, and dispels every consideration of caution and constraint,
+one of the entertainers, being more intoxicated than his fellows,
+proposed a toast, to which Peregrine, with some warmth, excepted as an
+unmannerly insult. The other maintained his proposition with indecent
+heat; and the dispute beginning to grow very serious, the company
+interposed, and gave judgment against their friend, who was so keenly
+reproached and rebuked for his impolite behaviour, that he retired in
+high dudgeon, threatening to relinquish their society, and branding them
+with the appellation apostates from the common cause. Mortified at the
+behaviour of their companion, those that remained were earnest in
+their apologies to their guests, whom they besought to forgive his
+intemperance, assuring them with great confidence that he would, upon
+the recovery of his reflection, wait upon them in person, and ask
+pardon for the umbrage he had given. Pickle was satisfied with their
+remonstrances, resumed his good humour, and the night being pretty far
+advanced resisted all their importunities with which he was entreated to
+see another bottle go round, and was escorted to his own lodgings more
+than half-seas over. Next morning, about eight o'clock, he was waked by
+his valet-de-chambre, who told him that two of the gentlemen with whom
+he had spent the evening were in the house, and desired the favour of
+being admitted into his chamber. He could not conceive the meaning of
+this extraordinary visit; and, ordering his man to show them enter into
+his apartment, beheld the person who had affronted him enter with the
+gentleman who had reprehended his rudeness.
+
+He who had given the offence, after having made an apology for
+disturbing Mr. Pickle, told him that his friend there present had been
+with him early that morning, and proposed the alternative of either
+fighting with him immediately, or coming to beg pardon for his
+unmannerly deportment over-night: that though he had courage enough to
+face any man in the field in a righteous cause, he was not so brutal as
+to disobey the dictates of his own duty and reflection, in consequence
+of which, and not out of any regard to the other's menaces, which he
+despised, he had now taken the liberty of interrupting his repose, that
+he might, as soon as possible, atone for the injury he had done him,
+which he protested was the effect of intoxication alone, and begged his
+forgiveness accordingly. Our hero accepted of this acknowledgment very
+graciously; thanked the other gentleman for the gallant part he had
+acted in his behalf; and perceiving that his companion was a little
+irritated at his officious interposition, effected a reconciliation, by
+convincing him that what he had done was for the honour of the company.
+He then kept them to his breakfast; expressed a desire of seeing their
+situation altered for the better; and the chaise being repaired, took
+his leave of his entertainers, who came to wish him a good journey, and
+with his attendants left Boulogne for the second time.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVII.
+
+
+
+Proceeds for the Capital--Takes up his Lodging at Bernay, where he is
+overtaken by Mr. Hornbeck, whose Head he longs to fortify.
+
+
+During this day's expedition, Mr. Jolter took an opportunity of
+imparting to his pupil the remarks he had made upon the industry of the
+French as an undeniable proof of which he bade him cast his eyes around,
+and observe with what care every spot of ground was cultivated, and from
+the fertility of that province, which is reckoned the poorest in France,
+conceive the wealth and affluence of the nation in general. Peregrine,
+amazed as well as disgusted at this infatuation, answered that what he
+ascribed to industry was the effect of mere wretchedness; the miserable
+peasants being obliged to plough up every inch of ground to satisfy
+their oppressive landlords, while they themselves and their cattle
+looked like so many images of famine; that their extreme poverty
+was evident from the face of the country, on which there was not one
+inclosure to be seen, or any other object, except scanty crops of barley
+and oats, which could never reward the toil of the husbandman; that
+their habitations were no better than paltry huts; that in twenty miles
+of extent not one gentleman's house appeared; that nothing was more
+abject and forlorn than the attire of their country people; that the
+equipage of their travelling chaises was infinitely inferior to that
+of a dung-cart in England; and that the postilion who then drove their
+carriage had neither stockings to his legs, nor a shirt to his back.
+
+The governor, finding his charge so intractable resolved to leave him
+in the midst of his own ignorance and prejudice, and reserve his
+observations for those who would pay more deference to his opinion: and
+indeed this resolution he had often made, and as often broken in the
+transports of his zeal, that frequently hurried him out of the plan of
+conduct which in his cooler moments he had laid down. They halted for
+refreshment at Montreuil, and about seven in the evening arrived at a
+village called Bernay, where, while they waited for fresh horses, they
+were informed by the landlord that the gates of Abbeville were shut
+every night punctually at eight o'clock, so that it would be impossible
+for them to get admittance. He said there was not another place
+of entertainment on the road where they could pass the night; and
+therefore, as a friend, he advised them to stay at his house, where they
+would find the best of accommodation, and proceed upon their journey
+betimes in the morning.
+
+Mr. Jolter, though he had travelled on that road before, could not
+recollect whether or not mine host spoke truth; but his remonstrance
+being very plausible, our hero determined to follow his advice, and
+being conducted into an apartment, asked what they could have for
+supper. The landlord mentioned everything that was eatable in the house;
+and the whole being engrossed for the use of him and his attendants,
+he amused himself, till such time as it should be dressed, in strolling
+about the house, which stands in a very rural situation. While he thus
+loitered away the time that hung heavy on his hands, another chaise
+arrived at the inn, and upon inquiry he found that the new-comers were
+Mr. Hornbeck and his lady. The landlord, conscious of his inability to
+entertain this second company, came and begged with great humiliation
+that Mr. Pickle would spare them some part of the victuals he had
+bespoken; but he refused to part with so much as the wing of a
+partridge, though at the same time he sent his compliments to the
+strangers, and giving them to understand how ill the house was provided
+for their reception, invited them to partake of his supper. Mr.
+Hornbeck, who was not deficient in point of politeness, and extremely
+well disposed for a relishing meal, which he had reason to expect from
+the savoury steam that issued from the kitchen, could not resist this
+second instance of our young gentleman's civility, which he acknowledged
+in a message, importing that he and his wife would do themselves the
+pleasure of profiting by his courteous offer. Peregrine's cheeks glowed
+when he found himself on the eve of being acquainted with Mrs. Hornbeck,
+of whose heart he had already made a conquest in imagination; and he
+forthwith set his invention at work, to contrive some means of defeating
+her husband's vigilance.
+
+When supper was ready, he in person gave notice to his guests, and,
+leading the lady into his apartment, seated her in an elbow-chair at the
+upper end of the table, squeezing her hand, and darting a most insidious
+glance at the same time. This abrupt behaviour he practised on the
+presumption that a lady of her breeding was not to be addressed with
+the tedious forms that must be observed in one's advances to a person
+of birth and genteel education. In all probability his calculation was
+just, for Mrs. Hornbeck gave no signs of discontent at this sort of
+treatment, but, on the contrary, seemed to consider it as a proof of
+the young gentleman's regard; and though she did not venture to open
+her mouth three times during the whole repast, she showed herself
+particularly well satisfied with her entertainer, by sundry sly and
+significant looks, while her husband's eyes were directed another way;
+and divers loud peals of laughter, signifying her approbation of the
+sallies which he uttered in the course of their conversation.
+
+Her spouse began to be very uneasy at the frank demeanour of his
+yoke-fellow, whom he endeavoured to check in her vivacity, by assuming
+a severity of aspect; but whether she obeyed the dictates of her own
+disposition, which, perhaps, was merry and unreserved, or wanted to
+punish Mr. Hornbeck for his jealousy of temper; certain it is, her
+gaiety increased to such a degree, that her husband was grievously
+alarmed and, incensed at her conduct, and resolved to make her sensible
+of his displeasure, by treading in secret upon her toes. He was,
+however, so disconcerted by his indignation, that he mistook his mark,
+and applied the sharp heel of his shoe to the side of Mr. Jolter's foot,
+comprehending his little toe that was studded with an angry corn, which
+he invaded with such a sudden jerk, that the governor, unable to endure
+the torture in silence started up, and, dancing on the floor, roared
+hideously with repeated bellowings, to the enjoyment of Peregrine and
+the lady, who laughed themselves almost into convulsions at the joke.
+Hornbeck, confounded at the mistake he had committed, begged pardon of
+the injured tutor with great contrition protesting that the blow he
+had so unfortunately received, was intended for an ugly cur, which he
+thought had posted himself under the table. It was lucky for him that
+there was actually a dog in the room, to justify this excuse, which
+Jolter admitted with the tears running over his cheeks, and the economy
+of the table was recomposed.
+
+As soon, however, as the strangers could with decency withdraw, this
+suspicious husband took his leave of the youth, on pretence of being
+fatigued with his journey, after having, by way of compliment, proposed
+that they should travel together next day; and Peregrine handed the
+lady to her chamber, where he wished her good night with another warm
+squeeze, which she returned. This favourable hint made his heart bound
+with a transport of joy: he lay in wait for an opportunity of declaring
+himself; and seeing the husband go down into the yard with a candle,
+glided softly into his apartment, where he found her almost undressed.
+Impelled by the impetuosity of his passion, which was still more
+inflamed by her present luscious appearance, and encouraged by
+the approbation she had already expressed, he ran towards her with
+eagerness, crying, "Zounds! madam, your charms are irresistible!" and
+without further ceremony would have clasped her in his arms, had she not
+begged him for the love of God to retire; for should Mr. Hornbeck return
+and find him there, she would be undone for ever. He was not so blinded
+by his passion, but that he saw the reasonableness of her fear; and as
+he could not pretend to crown his wishes at that interview, he avowed
+himself her lover, assured her that he would exhaust his whole invention
+in finding a proper opportunity for throwing himself at her feet; and in
+the mean time he ravished sundry small favours, which she in the hurry
+of her fright, could not withhold from his impudence of address. Having
+thus settled the preliminaries, he withdrew to his own chamber, and
+spent the whole night in contriving stratagems to elude the jealous
+caution of his fellow-traveller.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXVIII.
+
+
+
+They set out in company, breakfast at Abbeville, dine at Amiens and,
+about eleven o'clock, arrive at Chantilly where Peregrine executes a
+Plan which he had concerted upon Hornbeck.
+
+
+The whole company by agreement rose and departed before day, and
+breakfasted at Abbeville, where they became acquainted with the finesse
+of their Bernay landlord, who had imposed upon them, in affirming that
+they would not have been admitted after the gates were shut. From thence
+they proceeded to Amiens, where they dined, and were pestered by begging
+friars; and the roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at night before
+they reached Chantilly, where they found supper already dressed, in
+consequence of having despatched the valet-de-chambre before them on
+horseback.
+
+The constitution of Hornbeck being very much impaired by a life of
+irregularity, he found himself so fatigued with his day's journey, which
+amounted to upwards of a hundred miles, that when he sat down at table,
+he could scarce sit upright; and in less than three minutes began to
+nod in his chair. Peregrine, who had foreseen and provided for this
+occasion, advised him to exhilarate his spirits with a glass of wine;
+and the proposal being embraced, tipped his valet-de-chambre the wink,
+who, according to the instructions he had received, qualified the
+Burgundy with thirty drops of laudanum, which this unfortunate
+husband swallowed in one glass. The dose, cooperating with his former
+drowsiness, lulled him so fast to sleep, as it were instantaneously,
+that it was found necessary to convey him to his own chamber, where his
+footman undressed and put him to bed: nor was Jolter (naturally of a
+sluggish disposition) able to resist his propensity to sleep, without
+suffering divers dreadful yawns, which encouraged his pupil to
+administer the same dose to him, which had operated so successfully upon
+the other Argus. This cordial had not such gentle effect upon the rugged
+organs of Jolter as upon the more delicate nerves of Hornbeck; but
+discovered itself in certain involuntary startings, and convulsive
+motions in the muscles of his face; and when his nature at length
+yielded to the power of this medicine, he sounded the trumpet so loud
+through his nostrils, that our adventurer was afraid the noise would
+wake his other patient, and consequently the accomplishment of his aim.
+The governor was therefore committed to the care of Pipes, who lugged
+him into the next room, and having stripped off his clothes, tumbled him
+into his nest, while the two lovers remained at full liberty to indulge
+their mutual passion.
+
+Peregrine, in the impatience of his inclination, would have finished
+the fate of Hornbeck immediately; but his inamorata disapproved of his
+intention, and represented that their being together by themselves for
+any length of time would be observed by her servant, who was kept as a
+spy upon her actions; so that they had recourse to another scheme which
+was executed in this manner. He conducted her into her own apartment in
+presence of her footman, who lighted them thither, and wishing her good
+rest, returned to his own chamber, where he waited till everything was
+quiet in the house; then stealing softly to her door, which had been
+left open for his admission in the dark, he found the husband still
+secure in the embraces of sleep, and the lady in a loose gown, ready to
+seal his happiness. He conveyed her to his own chamber; but his guilty
+passion was not gratified.
+
+The opium which had been given to Jolter, together with the wine he had
+drunk, produced such a perturbation in his fancy, that he was visited
+with horrible dreams; and, among other miserable situations, imagined
+himself in danger of perishing in the flames, which he thought had taken
+hold on his apartment. This vision made such an impression upon his
+faculties, that he alarmed the whole house with repeated cries of "Fire!
+fire!" and even leaped out of his bed, though he still continued fast
+asleep. The lovers were very disagreeably disturbed by this dreadful
+exclamation; and Mrs. Hornbeck, running in great confusion to the door,
+had the mortification to see the footman, with a light in his hand,
+enter her husband's chamber, in order to give him notice of this
+accident. She knew that she would be instantly missed, and could easily
+divine the consequence, unless her invention could immediately trump up
+some plausible excuse for her absence.
+
+Women are naturally fruitful of expedients in cases of such emergency:
+she employed but a few seconds in recollection, and, rushing directly
+towards the apartment of the governor, who still continued to hallo in
+the same note, exclaimed, in a screaming tone, "Lord have mercy upon us!
+where! where!" By this time, all the servants were assembled in strange
+attire: Peregrine burst into Jolter's room, and seeing him stalking in
+his shirt, with his eyes shut, bestowed such a slap upon his back, as in
+a moment dissolved his dream, and restored him to the use of his senses.
+He was astonished and ashamed at being discovered in such an indecent
+attitude; and, taking refuge under the clothes, asked pardon of all
+present for the disturbance he had occasioned; soliciting, with great
+humility, the forgiveness of the lady, who, to a miracle, counterfeited
+the utmost agitation of terror and surprise. Meanwhile Hornbeck, being
+awaked by the repeated efforts of his man, no sooner understood that his
+wife was missing, than all the chimeras of jealousy taking possession of
+his imagination, he started up in a sort of frenzy, and, snatching his
+sword, flew straight to Peregrine's chamber; where, though he found not
+that which he looked for, he unluckily perceived an under-petticoat,
+which his wife had forgot in the hurry of her retreat. This discovery
+added fuel to the flame of his resentment. He seized the fatal proof of
+his dishonour, and, meeting his spouse in her return to bed, presented
+it to her view, with a most expressive countenance, "Madam, you have
+dropped your under-petticoat in the next room."
+
+Mrs. Hornbeck, who inherited from nature a most admirable presence of
+mind, looked earnestly at the object in question, and, with incredible
+serenity of countenance, affirmed that the petticoat must belong to the
+house, for she had none such in her possession. Peregrine, who walked
+behind her, hearing this asseveration, immediately interposed, and
+pulling Hornbeck by the sleeve into his chamber, "Gadszooks!" said he,
+"what business had you with that petticoat? Can't you let a young fellow
+enjoy a little amour with an innkeeper's daughter, without exposing his
+infirmities to your wife? Pshaw! that's so malicious, because you have
+quitted these adventures yourself, to spoil the sport of other people."
+
+The poor husband was so confounded at the effrontery of his wife, and
+this cavalier declaration of the young man, that his faith began to
+waver; he distrusted his own conscious diffidence of temper, which, that
+he might not expose, he expressed no doubts of Peregrine's veracity;
+but, asking pardon for the mistake he had committed, retired. He was not
+yet satisfied with the behaviour of his ingenious helpmate, but on the
+contrary determined to inquire more minutely into the circumstances of
+this adventure, which turned out so little to his satisfaction, that he
+ordered his servant to get everything ready for his departure by break
+of day; and when our adventurer rose next morning, he found that his
+fellow-travellers were gone above three hours, though they had agreed
+to stay all the forenoon, with a view of seeing the prince of Conde's
+palace, and to proceed all together for Paris in the afternoon.
+
+Peregrine was a little chagrined, when he understood that he was so
+suddenly deprived of this untasted morsel; and Jolter could not conceive
+the meaning of their abrupt and uncivil disappearance, which, after many
+profound conjectures, he accounted for, by supposing that Hornbeck
+was some sharper who had run away with an heiress, whom he found it
+necessary to conceal from the inquiry of her friends. The pupil, who
+was well assured of the true motive, allowed his governor to enjoy the
+triumph of his own penetration, and consoled himself with the hope of
+seeing his dulcinea again at some of the public places in Paris, which
+he proposed to frequent. Thus comforted, he visited the magnificent
+stables and palace of Chantilly, and immediately after dinner set out
+for Paris, where they arrived in the evening, and hired apartments at an
+hotel in the Faubourg St. Germaine, not far from the playhouse.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIX.
+
+
+
+He is involved in an Adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner by the City
+Guard--Becomes acquainted with a French Nobleman, who introduces him in
+the Beau Monde.
+
+
+They were no sooner settled in these lodgings, than our hero wrote to
+his uncle an account of their safe arrival, and sent another letter to
+his friend Gauntlet, with a very tender billet inclosed for his dear
+Emilia, to whom he repeated all his former vows of constancy and love.
+
+The next care that engrossed him was that of bespeaking several suits
+of clothes suitable to the French mode; and, in the mean time, he never
+appeared abroad, except in the English coffee-house, where he soon
+became acquainted with some of his own countrymen, who were at Paris on
+the same footing with himself. The third evening after his journey, he
+was engaged in a party of those young sparks, at the house of a noted
+traiteur, whose wife was remarkably handsome, and otherwise extremely
+well qualified for alluring customers to her house. To this lady our
+young gentleman was introduced as a stranger fresh from England; and
+he was charmed with her personal accomplishments, as well as with the
+freedom and gaiety of her conversation. Her frank deportment persuaded
+him that she was one of those kind creatures who granted favours to the
+best bidder: on this supposition he began to be so importunate in
+his addresses, that the fair bourgeoise was compelled to cry aloud
+in defence of her own virtue. Her husband ran immediately to her
+assistance, and finding her in a very alarming situation, flew upon her
+ravisher with such fury, that he was fain to quit his prey, and turn
+against the exasperated traiteur, whom he punished without mercy for
+his impudent intrusion. The lady, seeing her yoke-fellow treated with
+so little respect, espoused his cause, and, fixing her nails in his
+antagonist's face, sacrificed all one side of his nose. The noise of
+this encounter brought all the servants of the house to the rescue of
+their master; and Peregrine's company opposing them, a general battle
+ensued, in which the French were totally routed, the wife insulted, and
+the husband kicked downstairs.
+
+The publican, enraged at the indignity which had been offered to him and
+his family, went out into the street, and implored the protection of
+the guet, or city guard, which, having heard his complaint, fixed their
+bayonets and surrounded the door, to the number of twelve or fourteen.
+The young gentlemen, flushed with their success, and considering the
+soldiers as so many London watchmen whom they had often put to flight,
+drew their swords, and sallied out, with Peregrine at their head.
+Whether the guard respected them as foreigners, or inexperienced youths
+intoxicated with liquor, they opened to right and left, and gave them
+room to pass without opposition. This complaisance, which was the effect
+of compassion, being misinterpreted by the English leader, he, out of
+mere wantonness, attempted to trip up the heels of the soldier that
+stood next him, but failed in the execution, and received a blow on his
+breast with the butt-end of a fusil, that made him stagger several paces
+backward. Incensed at this audacious application, the whole company
+charged the detachment sword in hand and, after an obstinate engagement,
+in which divers wounds were given and received, every soul of them was
+taken, and conveyed to the main-guard. The commanding officer being made
+acquainted with the circumstances of the quarrel, in consideration
+of their youth and national ferocity, for which the French make large
+allowances, set them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked them
+for the irregularity and insolence of their conduct; so that all our
+hero acquired by his gallantry and courage, was a number of scandalous
+marks upon his visage that confined him a whole week to his chamber.
+It was impossible to conceal this disaster from Mr. Jolter, who, having
+obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail to remonstrate
+against the rashness of the adventure, which, he observed, must have
+been fatal to them, had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who,
+of all people under the sun, most rigorously observe the laws of
+hospitality.
+
+As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irish and English
+priests, and a set of low people who live by making themselves necessary
+to strangers, either in teaching the French language, or executing small
+commissions with which they are intrusted, he was not the most proper
+person in the world for regulating the taste of a young gentleman who
+travelled for improvement, in expectation of making a figure one day
+in his own country. Being conscious of his own incapacity, he contented
+himself with the office of a steward, and kept a faithful account of all
+the money that was disbursed in the course of their family expense: not
+but that he was acquainted with all the places which were visited by
+strangers on their first arrival at Paris; and he knew to a liard what
+was commonly given to the Swiss of each remarkable hotel; though, with
+respect to the curious painting and statuary that everywhere abounded in
+that metropolis, he was more ignorant than the domestic that attends for
+a livre a day.
+
+In short, Mr. Jolter could give a very good account of the stages on the
+road, and save the expense of Antonini's detail of the curiosities
+in Paris: he was a connoisseur in ordinaries, from twelve to
+five-and-thirty livres, knew all the rates of fiacre and remise, could
+dispute with a tailleur or a traiteur upon the articles of his bill,
+and scold the servants in tolerable French. But the laws, customs,
+and genius of the people, the characters of individuals, and scenes
+of polished life, were subjects which he had neither opportunities to
+observe, inclination to consider, nor discernment to distinguish. All
+his maxims were the suggestions of pedantry and prejudice; so that his
+perception was obscured, his judgment biased, his address awkward,
+and his conversation absurd and unentertaining: yet such as I have
+represented this tutor, are the greatest part of those animals who
+lead raw boys about the world, under the denomination of travelling
+governors. Peregrine, therefore, being perfectly well acquainted with
+the extent of Mr. Jolter's abilities, never dreamt of consulting him
+in the disposition of his conduct, but parcelled out his time to the
+dictates of his own reflection, and the information and direction of his
+companions, who had lived longer in France, and consequently were better
+acquainted with the pleasures of the place.
+
+As soon as he was in a condition to appear a la Francaise, he hired a
+genteel chariot by the month, made the tour of the Luxembourg gallery,
+Palais Royal, all the remarkable hotels, churches, and celebrated places
+in Paris; visited St. Cloud, Marli, Versailles, Trianon, St. Germaine,
+and Fountainebleau, enjoyed the opera, Italian and French comedy; and
+seldom failed of appearing in the public walks, in hopes of meeting with
+Mrs. Hornbeck, or some adventure suited to his romantic disposition.
+He never doubted that his person would attract the notice of some
+distinguished inamorata, and was vain enough to believe that few female
+hearts were able to resist the artillery of his accomplishments, should
+he once find an opportunity of planting it to advantage. He presented
+himself, however, at all the spectacles for many weeks, without reaping
+the fruits of his expectation; and began to entertain a very indifferent
+idea of the French discernment, which had overlooked him so long,
+when one day, in his way to the opera, his chariot was stopped by an
+embarrass in the street, occasioned by two peasants, who having driven
+their carts against each other, quarrelled, and went to loggerheads on
+the spot. Such a rencounter is so uncommon in France, that the people
+shut up their shops, and from their windows threw cold water upon the
+combatants, with a view of putting an end to the battle, which was
+maintained with great fury, and very little skill, until one of them
+receiving an accidental fall, the other took the advantage of this
+misfortune, and, fastening upon him, as he lay, began to thump the
+pavement with his head.
+
+Our hero's equipage being detained close by the field of this
+contention, Pipes could not bear to see the laws of boxing so
+scandalously transgressed, and, leaping from his station, pulled the
+offender from his antagonist, whom he raised up, and in the English
+language encouraged to a second essay, instructing him at the same time
+by clenching his fists according to art, and putting himself in a proper
+attitude. Thus confirmed, the enraged carman sprang upon his foe, and
+in all appearance would have effectually revenged the injury he had
+sustained, if he had not been prevented by the interposition of a
+lacquey belonging to a nobleman, whose coach was obliged to halt in
+consequence of the dispute. This footman, who was distinguished by
+a cane, descending from his post, without the least ceremony or
+expostulation, began to employ his weapon upon the head and shoulders
+of the peasant who had been patronized by Pipes; upon which, Thomas,
+resenting such ungenerous behaviour, bestowed such a stomacher upon
+the officious intermeddler, as discomposed the whole economy of his
+entrails, and obliged him to discharge the interjection Ah! with
+demonstrations of great anguish and amazement. The other two footmen
+who stood behind the coach, seeing their fellow-servant so insolently
+assaulted, flew to his assistance, and rallied a most disagreeable
+shower upon the head of his aggressor, who had no means of diversion or
+defence.
+
+Peregrine, though he did not approve of Tom's conduct, could not bear
+to see him so roughly handled, especially as he thought his own honour
+concerned in the fray; and therefore, quitting his machine, came to the
+rescue of his attendant, and charged his adversaries sword in hand.
+Two of them no sooner perceived this reinforcement, than they betook
+themselves to flight; and Pipes, having twisted the cane out of the
+hands of the third, belaboured him so unmercifully, that our hero
+thought proper to interpose his authority in his behalf. The common
+people stood aghast at this unprecedented boldness of Pickle, who
+understanding that the person whose servants he had disciplined was a
+general and prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and asked pardon
+for what he had done, imputing his own behaviour to his ignorance of
+the other's quality. The old nobleman accepted of his apology with great
+politeness, thanking him for the trouble he had taken to reform the
+manners of his domestics; and guessing from our youth's appearance that
+he was some stranger of condition, very courteously invited him into the
+coach, on the supposition that they were both going to the opera. Pickle
+gladly embraced this opportunity of becoming acquainted with a person
+of such rank, and, ordering his own chariot to follow, accompanied
+the count to his loge, where he conversed with him during the whole
+entertainment.
+
+He soon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient in spirit or sense,
+and seemed particularly pleased with his engaging manner and easy
+deportment, qualifications for which the English nation is by no means
+remarkable in France, and therefore the more conspicuous and agreeable
+in the character of our hero, whom the nobleman carried home that same
+evening, and introduced to his lady and several persons of fashion who
+supped at his house. Peregrine was quite captivated by their affable
+behaviour and the vivacity of their discourse; and, after having been
+honoured with particular marks of consideration, took his leave, fully
+determined to cultivate such a valuable acquaintance.
+
+His vanity suggested, that now the time was come when he should profit
+by his talents among the fair sex, on whom he resolved to employ his
+utmost art and address. With this view he assiduously engaged in all
+parties to which he had access by means of his noble friend, who let
+slip no opportunity of gratifying his ambition. He for some time shared
+in all his amusements, and was entertained in many of the best families
+of France; but he did not long enjoy that elevation of hope, which had
+flattered his imagination. He soon perceived that it would be impossible
+to maintain the honourable connections he had made, without engaging
+every day at quadrille, or, in other words, losing his money; for every
+person of rank, whether male or female, was a professed gamester, who
+knew and practised all the finesse of the art, of which he was entirely
+ignorant. Besides, he began to find himself a mere novice in French
+gallantry, which is supported by an amazing volubility of tongue, and
+obsequious and incredible attention to trifles, a surprising faculty
+of laughing out of pure complaisance, and a nothingness of conversation
+which he could never attain. In short, our hero, who among his own
+countrymen would have passed for a sprightly, entertaining fellow, was
+considered in the brilliant assemblies of France as a youth of a very
+phlegmatic disposition. No wonder, then, that his pride was mortified
+at his own want of importance, which he did not fail to ascribe to their
+defect in point of judgment and taste. He conceived a disgust at the
+mercenary conduct, as well as the shallow intellects, of the ladies; and
+after he had spent some months, and a round sum of money, in fruitless
+attendance and addresses, he fairly quitted the pursuit, and consoled
+himself with the conversation of a merry fille de joie, whose good
+graces he acquired by an allowance of twenty louis per month. That he
+might the more easily afford this expense, he dismissed his chariot and
+French lacquey at the same time.
+
+He then entered himself in a noted academy, in order to finish his
+exercises, and contracted an acquaintance with a few sensible people,
+whom he distinguished at the coffee-house and ordinary to which he
+resorted, and who contributed not a little to the improvement of his
+knowledge and taste; for, prejudice apart, it must be owned that France
+abounds with men of consummate honour, profound sagacity, and the most
+liberal education. From the conversation of such, he obtained a distinct
+idea of their government and constitution; and though he could not help
+admiring the excellent order and economy of their police, the result of
+all his inquiries was self-congratulation on his title to the privileges
+of a British subject. Indeed this invaluable birthright was rendered
+conspicuous by such flagrant occurrences, which fell every day almost
+under his observation, that nothing but the grossest prejudice could
+dispute its existence.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XL.
+
+
+
+Acquires a distinct Idea of the French Government--Quarrels with a
+Mousquetaire, whom he afterwards fights and vanquishes, after having
+punished him for interfering in his amorous Recreations.
+
+
+Among many other instances of the same nature, I believe it will not be
+amiss to exhibit a few specimens of their administration, which happened
+during his abode at Paris; that those who have not the opportunity
+of observing for themselves, or are in danger of being influenced by
+misrepresentation, may compare their own condition with that of their
+neighbours, and do justice to the constitution under which they live.
+
+A lady of distinguished character having been lampooned by some obscure
+scribbler, who could not be discovered, the ministry, in consequence
+of her complaint, ordered no fewer than five-and-twenty abbes to be
+apprehended and sent to the Bastille, on the maxim of Herod, when he
+commanded the innocents to be murdered, hoping that the principal object
+of his cruelty would not escape in the general calamity; and the
+friends of those unhappy prisoners durst not even complain of the unjust
+persecution, but shrugged up their shoulders, and in silence deplored
+their misfortune, uncertain whether or not they should ever set eyes on
+them again.
+
+About the same time a gentleman of family, who had been oppressed by a
+certain powerful duke that lived in the neighbourhood, found means to
+be introduced to the king, who, receiving his petition very graciously,
+asked in what regiment he served; and when the memorialist answered
+that he had not the honour of being in the service, returned the paper
+unopened, and refused to hear one circumstance of his complaint; so
+that, far from being redressed, he remained more than ever exposed to
+the tyranny of his oppressors; nay, so notorious is the discouragement
+of all those who presume to live independent of court favour and
+connections that one of the gentlemen, whose friendship Peregrine
+cultivated, frankly owned he was in possession of a most romantic place
+in one of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of a country life; and
+yet he durst not reside upon his own estate, lest, by slackening in his
+attendance upon the great, who honoured him with their protection, he
+should fall a prey to some rapacious intendant.
+
+As for the common people, they are so much inured to the scourge and
+insolence of power, that every shabby subaltern, every beggarly cadet of
+the noblesse, every low retainer to the court, insults and injures them
+with impunity. A certain ecuyer, or horsedealer, belonging to the king,
+being one day under the hands of a barber, who happened to cut the head
+of a pimple on his face, he started up, and drawing his sword, wounded
+him desperately in the shoulder. The poor tradesman, hurt as he was,
+made an effort to retire, and was followed by this barbarous assassin,
+who, not contented with the vengeance he had taken, plunged his sword a
+second time into his body, and killed him on the spot. Having performed
+this inhuman exploit, he dressed himself with great deliberation, and
+going to Versailles, immediately obtained a pardon for what he had done;
+triumphing in his brutality with such insolence, that the very next time
+he had occasion to be shaved he sat with his sword ready drawn, in order
+to repeat the murder, in case the barber should commit the same mistake.
+Yet so tamed are those poor people to subjection, that when Peregrine
+mentioned this assassination to his own trimmer, with expressions of
+horror and detestation, the infatuated wretch replied, that without
+all doubt it was a misfortune, but it proceeded from the gentleman's
+passion; and observed, by way of encomium on the government, that such
+vivacity is never punished in France.
+
+A few days after this outrage was committed, our youth, who was a
+professed enemy to all oppression, being in one of the first loges
+at the comedy, was eye-witness of an adventure which filled him with
+indignation: a tall, ferocious fellow, in the parterre, without the
+least provocation, but prompted by the mere wantonness of pride, took
+hold of the hat of a very decent young man who happened to stand before
+him, and twirled it round upon his head. The party thus offended turned
+to his aggressor, and civilly asked the reason of such treatment: but
+he received no answer; and when he looked the other way, the insult
+was repeated: upon which he expressed his resentment as became a man of
+spirit, and desired the offender to walk out with him. No sooner did
+he thus signify his intention, than his adversary, swelling with rage,
+cocked his hat fiercely in his face, and, fixing his hands in his sides,
+pronounced, with the most imperious tone, "Hark ye, Mr. Round Periwig,
+you must know that I am a mousquetaire." Scarce had this awful word
+escaped from his lips, when the blood forsook the lips of the poor
+challenger, who, with the most abject submission, begged pardon for
+his presumption, and with difficulty obtained it, on condition that he
+should immediately quit the place. Having thus exercised his authority,
+he turned to one of his companions, and, with an air of disdainful
+ridicule, told him he was like to have had an affair with a bourgeois;
+adding, by way of heightening the irony, "Egad! I believe he is a
+physician."
+
+Our hero was so much shocked and irritated at this licentious behaviour,
+that he could not suppress his resentment, which he manifested by saying
+to this Hector, "Sir, a physician may be a man of honour." To this
+remonstrance, which was delivered with a very significant countenance,
+the mousquetaire made no other reply, but that of echoing his assertion
+with a loud laugh, in which he was joined by his confederates.
+Peregrine, glowing with resentment, called him a fanfaron, and withdrew
+in expectation of being followed into the street. The other understood
+the hint; and a rencounter must have ensued had not the officer of the
+guard, who overheard what passed, prevented their meeting, by putting
+the mousquetaire immediately under arrest. Our young gentleman waited at
+the door of the parterre, until he was informed of this interposition,
+and then went home very much chagrined at his disappointment; for he was
+an utter stranger to fear and diffidence on those occasions, and had set
+his heart upon chastising the insolence of this bully, who had treated
+him with such disrespect.
+
+This adventure was not so private but that it reached the ears of Mr.
+Jolter by the canal of some English gentlemen who were present when it
+happened; and the governor, who entertained a most dreadful idea of
+the mousquetaires, being alarmed at a quarrel, the consequence of which
+might be fatal to his charge, waited on the British ambassador, and
+begged he would take Peregrine under his immediate protection. His
+excellency, having heard the circumstances of the dispute, sent one of
+his gentlemen to invite the youth to dinner; and after having assured
+him that he might depend upon his countenance and regard, represented
+the rashness and impetuosity of his conduct so much to his conviction,
+that he promised to act more circumspectly for the future, and drop all
+thoughts of the mousquetaire from that moment.
+
+A few days after he had taken this laudable resolution, Pipes, who had
+carried a billet to his mistress, informed him that he had perceived a
+laced hat lying upon a marble slab in her apartment; and that when
+she came out of her own chamber to receive the letter, she appeared in
+manifest disorder. From these hints of intelligence our young gentleman
+suspected, or rather made no doubt of, her infidelity; and being by this
+time well nigh cloyed with possession, was not sorry to find she had
+given him cause to renounce her correspondence. That he might therefore
+detect her in the very breach of duty, and at the same time punish the
+gallant who had the presumption to invade his territories, he concerted
+with himself a plan which was executed in this manner. During his next
+interview with his dulcinea, far from discovering the least sign of
+jealousy or discontent, he affected the appearance of extraordinary
+fondness, and, after having spent the afternoon with the show
+of uncommon satisfaction, told her he was engaged in a party for
+Fountainebleau, and would set out from Paris that same evening; so that
+he should not have the pleasure of seeing her again for some days.
+
+The lady, who was very well versed in the arts of her occupation,
+pretended to receive this piece of news with great affliction, and
+conjured him, with such marks of real tenderness, to return as soon as
+possible to her longing arms, that he went away almost convinced of her
+sincerity. Determined, however, to prosecute his scheme, he actually
+departed from Paris with two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance,
+who had hired a remise for a jaunt to Versailles; and having accompanied
+them as far as the village of Passe, he returned in the dusk of the
+evening on foot.
+
+He waited impatiently till midnight, and then, arming himself with a
+brace of pocket-pistols, and attended by trusty Tom with a cudgel in his
+hand, repaired to the lodgings of his suspected inamorata. Having given
+Pipes his cue, he knocked gently at the door, which was no sooner opened
+by the lacquey, than he bolted in, before the fellow could recollect
+himself from the confusion occasioned by his unexpected appearance; and,
+leaving Tom to guard the door, ordered the trembling valet to light
+him upstairs into his lady's apartment. The first object that presented
+itself to his view, when he entered the antechamber, was a sword upon
+the table, which he immediately seized, exclaiming, in a loud and
+menacing voice, that his mistress was false, and then in bed with
+another gallant, whom he would instantly put to death. This declaration,
+confirmed by many terrible oaths, he calculated for the hearing of his
+rival, who, understanding his sanguinary purpose, started up in great
+trepidation, and, naked as he was, dropped from the balcony into the
+street, while Peregrine thundered at the door for admittance, and,
+guessing his design, gave him an opportunity of making this precipitate
+retreat. Pipes, who stood sentinel at the door, observing the fugitive
+descend, attacked him with his cudgel; and sweating him from one end of
+the street to the other, at last committed him to the guet by whom he
+was conveyed to the officer on duty in a most disgraceful and deplorable
+condition.
+
+Meanwhile Peregrine, having burst open the chamber door, found the lady
+in the utmost dread and consternation, and the spoils of her favourite
+scattered about the room; but his resentment was doubly gratified, when
+he learned, upon inquiry, that the person who had been so disagreeably
+interrupted was no other than that individual mousquetaire with whom he
+had quarrelled at the comedy. He upbraided the nymph with her
+perfidy and ingratitude; and telling her that she must not expect the
+continuance of his regard, or the appointments which she had hitherto
+enjoyed from his bounty, went home to his own lodgings, overjoyed at the
+issue of the adventure.
+
+The soldier, exasperated at the disgrace he had undergone, as well as
+the outrageous insult of the English valet, whom he believed his master
+had tutored for that purpose, no sooner extricated himself from the
+opprobrious situation he had incurred, than, breathing vengeance
+against the author of the affront, he came to Peregrine's apartment, and
+demanded satisfaction upon the ramparts next morning before sunrise.
+Our hero assured him he would not fail to pay his respects to him at the
+time and place appointed; and foreseeing that he might be prevented from
+keeping this engagement by the officious care of his governor, who saw
+the mousquetaire come in, he told Mr. Jolter, that the Frenchman
+had visited him in consequence of an order he had received from his
+superiors, to make an apology for his rude behaviour to him in the
+playhouse, and that they had parted very good friends. This assurance,
+together with Pickle's tranquil and unconcerned behaviour through the
+day, quieted the terrors which had begun to take possession of his
+tutor's imagination; so that the youth had an opportunity of giving him
+the slip at night, when he betook himself to the lodgings of a friend,
+whom he engaged as his second, and with whom he immediately took the
+field, in order to avoid the search which Jolter, upon missing him,
+might set on foot.
+
+This was a necessary precaution; for as he did not appear at supper, and
+Pipes, who usually attended him in his excursions, could give no account
+of his motions, the governor was dreadfully alarmed at his absence, and
+ordered his man to run in quest of his master to all the places which
+he used to frequent, while he himself went to the commissaire, and,
+communicating his suspicions, was accommodated with a party of the
+horse-guards, who patrolled round all the environs of the city, with a
+view of preventing the rencounter. Pipes might have directed them to the
+lady, by whose information they could have learned the name and lodgings
+of the mousquetaire, and if he had been apprehended the duel would not
+have happened; but he did not choose to run the risk of disobliging his
+master by intermeddling in the affair, and was moreover very desirous
+that the Frenchman should be humbled; for he never doubted that
+Peregrine was more than a match for any two men in France. In this
+confidence, therefore, he sought his master with great diligence, not
+with a view of disappointing his intention, but in order to attend him
+to the battle, that he might stand by him, and see justice done.
+
+While this inquiry was carried on, our hero and his companion concealed
+themselves among some weeds, that grew on the edge of the parapet, a few
+yards from the spot where he had agreed to meet the mousquetaire;
+and scarce had the morning rendered objects distinguishable when they
+perceived their men advancing boldly to the place. Peregrine, seeing
+them approach sprang forward to the ground, that he might have the glory
+of anticipating his antagonist; and swords being drawn, all four were
+engaged in a twinkling. Pickle's eagerness had well nigh cost him
+his life; for, without minding his footing, he flew directly to his
+opposite, and, stumbling over a stone, was wounded on one side of his
+head before he could recover his attitude. Far from being dispirited at
+this check, it served only to animate him the more; being endowed with
+uncommon agility, he retrieved his posture in a moment; and having
+parried a second thrust, returned the lunge with such incredible speed,
+that the soldier had not time to resume his guard, but was immediately
+run through the bend of his right arm; and the sword dropping out of his
+hand, our hero's victory was complete.
+
+Having despatched his own business, and received the acknowledgment of
+his adversary who, with a look of infinite mortification, answered, that
+his was the fortune of the day, he ran to part the seconds, just as the
+weapon was twisted out of his companion's hand: upon which he took his
+place; and, in all likelihood, an obstinate dispute would have ensued,
+had they not been interrupted by the guard, at sight of whom the two
+Frenchmen scampered off. Our young gentleman and his friend allowed
+themselves to be taken prisoners by the detachment which had been sent
+out for that purpose, and were carried before the magistrate, who,
+having sharply reprimanded them for presuming to act in contempt of the
+laws, set them at liberty, in consideration of their being strangers;
+cautioning them, at the same time, to beware of such exploits for the
+future.
+
+When Peregrine returned to his own lodgings, Pipes, seeing the blood
+trickling down upon his master's neckcloth and solitaire, gave evident
+tokens of surprise and concern; not for the consequences of the wound,
+which he did no suppose dangerous, but for the glory of Old England,
+which he was afraid had suffered in the engagement; for he could not
+help saying, with an air of chagrin, as he followed the youth into his
+chamber, "I do suppose as how you gave that lubberly Frenchman as good
+as he brought."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLI.
+
+
+
+Mr. Jolter threatens to leave him on account of his Misconduct, which he
+promises to rectify; but his Resolution is defeated by the Impetuosity
+of his Passions--He meets accidentally with Mrs. Hornbeck, who elopes
+with him from her Husband, but is restored by the Interposition of the
+British Ambassador.
+
+
+Though Mr. Jolter was extremely well pleased at the safety of his pupil,
+he could not forgive him for the terror and anxiety he had undergone on
+his account; and roundly told him, that notwithstanding the inclination
+and attachment he had to his person, he would immediately depart for
+England, if ever he should hear of his being involved in such another
+adventure; for it could not be expected that he would sacrifice his own
+quiet, to an unrequited regard for one who seemed determined to keep him
+in continual uneasiness and apprehension.
+
+To this declaration Pickle made answer, that Mr. Jolter, by this time,
+ought to be convinced of the attention he had always paid to his ease
+and satisfaction; since he well knew that he had ever looked upon him in
+the light of a friend rather than as a counsellor or tutor; and desired
+his company in France with a view of promoting his interest, not for any
+emolument he could expect from his instruction. This being the case, he
+was at liberty to consult his own inclinations, with regard to going or
+staying; though he could not help owning himself obliged by the concern
+he expressed for his safety, and would endeavour, for his own sake, to
+avoid giving him any cause of disturbance in time to come.
+
+No man was more capable of moralizing upon Peregrine's misconduct than
+himself: his reflections were extremely just and sagacious, and attended
+with no other disadvantage but that of occurring too late. He projected
+a thousand salutary schemes of deportment, but, like other projectors,
+he never had interest enough with the ministry of his passions to bring
+any of them to bear. He had, in the heyday of his gallantry received a
+letter from his friend Gauntlet with a kind postscript from his charming
+Emilia; but it arrived at a very unseasonable juncture, when his
+imagination was engrossed by conquests that more agreeably flattered his
+ambition; so that he could not find leisure and inclination, from that
+day, to honour the correspondence which he himself had solicited. His
+vanity had, by the time, disapproved of the engagement he had contracted
+in the rawness and inexperience of youth; suggesting, that he was born
+to such an important figure in life, as ought to raise his ideas
+above the consideration of any such middling connections, and fix his
+attention upon objects of the most sublime attraction. These dictates
+of ridiculous pride had almost effaced the remembrance of his amiable
+mistress, or at least so far warped his morals and integrity, that he
+actually began to conceive hopes of her altogether unworthy of his own
+character and her deserts.
+
+Meanwhile, being destitute of a toy for the dalliance of his idle hours,
+he employed several spies, and almost every day made a tour of the
+public places in person, with a view of procuring intelligence of Mr.
+Hornbeck, with whose wife he longed to have another interview. In this
+course of expectation had he exercised himself a whole fortnight, when,
+chancing to be at the Hospital of the Invalids with a gentleman lately
+arrived from England, he no sooner entered the church than he perceived
+his lady, attended by her spouse, who at sight of our hero changed
+colour and looked another way, in order to discourage any communication
+between them. But the young man, who was not so easily repulsed,
+advanced with great assurance to his fellow-traveller, and taking him by
+the hand, expressed his satisfaction at this unexpected meeting; kindly
+upbraiding him for his precipitate retreat from Chantilly. Before
+Hornbeck could make any reply he went up to his wife, whom he
+complimented in the same manner; assuring her, with some significant
+glances, he ass extremely mortified that she had put it out of his power
+to pay his respects to her on his first arrival at Paris; and then,
+turning to her husband, who thought proper to keep close to him in this
+conference, begged to know where he could have the honour of waiting
+upon him; observing at the same time, that he himself lived a l'Academie
+de Palfrenier.
+
+Mr. Hornbeck, without making any apology for his elopement on the road,
+thanked Mr. Pickle for his complaisance in a very cool and disobliging
+manner; saying that as he intended to shift his lodgings in a day or
+two, he could not expect the pleasure of seeing him, until he should be
+settled, when he would call at the academy, and conduct him to his new
+habitation.
+
+Pickle, who was not unacquainted with the sentiments of this jealous
+gentleman, did not put much confidence in his promise, and therefore
+made divers efforts to enjoy a little private conversation with his
+wife; but he was baffled in all his attempts by the indefatigable
+vigilance of her keeper, and reaped no other immediate pleasure from
+this accidental meeting, than that of a kind squeeze while he handed her
+into the coach. However, as he had been witness to some instances of
+her invention, and was no stranger to the favourable disposition of
+her heart, he entertained some faint hopes of profiting by her
+understanding, and was not deceived in his expectation; for the very
+next forenoon, a Savoyard called at the academy, and put the following
+billet in his hand:--
+
+     "Coind Sur,--Heaving the playsure of meating with you at the
+     osspital of awilheads, I take this lubbertea of latin you
+     know, that I lotch at the hottail de May cong dangle rouy
+     Doghouseten, with two postis at the gait, naytheir of um very
+     hole, ware I shall be at the windore, if in kais you will be
+     so good as to pass that way at sicks a cloak in the heavening
+     when Mr. Hornbeck goes to the Calf hay de Contea. Prey for the
+     loaf of Geesus keep this from the nolegs of my hussban, ells he
+     will make me leed a hell upon urth.--Being all from, deer Sur,
+     your most umbell servan wile
+
+     "Deborah Hornbeck."
+
+Our young gentleman was ravished at the receipt of this elegant epistle,
+which was directed, A Monsr. Monsr. Pickhell, a la Gaddamme de Paul
+Freny, and did not fail to obey the summons at the hour of assignation;
+when the lady, true to her appointment, beckoned him up-stairs, and he
+had the good fortune to be admitted unseen.
+
+After the first transports of their mutual joy at meeting, she told him,
+that her husband had been very surly and cross ever since the adventure
+at Chantilly, which he had not yet digested; that he had laid severe
+injunctions upon her to avoid all commerce with Pickle, and even
+threatened to shut her up in a convent for life, if ever she should
+discover the least inclination to renew that acquaintance; that she had
+been cooped up in her chamber since her arrival at Paris, without being
+permitted to see the place, or indeed any company, except that of her
+landlady, whose language she did not understand; so that her spirit
+being broken, and her health impaired, he was prevailed upon some days
+ago to indulge her in a few airings, during which she had seen the
+gardens of the Luxembourg, the Tuileries, and Palais Royal, though at
+those times when there was no company in the walks; and that it was
+in one of those excursions she had the happiness of meeting with him.
+Finally, she gave him to understand, that rather than continue longer
+in such confinement with the man whom she could not love, she would
+instantly give him the slip, and put herself under the protection of her
+lover.
+
+Rash and unthinking as this declaration might be, the young
+gentleman was so much of a gallant, that he would not balk the
+lady's inclinations; and too infatuated by his passion to foresee the
+consequences of such a dangerous step: he therefore, without hesitation,
+embraced the proposal; and the coast being clear, they sallied out into
+the street, where Peregrine, calling a fiacre, ordered the coachman
+to drive them to a tavern; but knowing it would not be in his power to
+conceal her from the search of the lieutenant de police, if she should
+remain within the walls of Paris, he hired a remise, and carried her
+that same evening to Villejuif, about four leagues from town, where he
+stayed with her all night; and having boarded her on a genteel pension,
+and settled the economy of his future visits, returned next day to his
+own lodgings.
+
+While he thus enjoyed his success, her husband endured the tortures of
+the damned. When he returned from the coffee-house, and understood
+that his wife had eloped, without being perceived by any person in the
+family, he began to rave and foam with rage and jealousy; and, in the
+fury of distraction, accused the landlady of being an accomplice in her
+escape, threatening to complain of her to the commissaire. The woman
+could not conceive how Mrs. Hornbeck, who she knew was an utter stranger
+to the French language, and kept no sort of company, could elude the
+caution of her husband, and find any refuge in a place where she had
+no acquaintance, and began to suspect the lodger's emotion was no other
+than an affected passion to conceal his own practices upon his wife, who
+had perhaps fallen a sacrifice to his jealous disposition. She therefore
+spared him the trouble of putting his menaces into execution by going to
+the magistrate, without any further deliberation, and giving an account
+of what she knew concerning this mysterious affair, with certain
+insinuations against Hornbeck's character, which she represented as
+peevish and capricious to the last degree.
+
+While she thus anticipated the purpose of the plaintiff, her information
+was interrupted by the arrival of the party himself, who exhibited
+his complaint with such evident marks of perturbation, anger, and
+impatience, that the commissaire could easily perceive that he had
+no share in the disappearance of his wife, and directed him to the
+lieutenant de police, whose province it is to take cognizance of such
+occurrences. This gentleman, who presides over the city of Paris, having
+heard the particulars of Hornbeck's misfortune, asked if he suspected
+any individual person as the seducer of his yoke-fellow; and when he
+mentioned Peregrine as the object of his suspicion, granted a warrant
+and a detachment of soldiers, to search for and retrieve the fugitive.
+
+The husband conducted them immediately to the academy where our hero
+lodged; and having rummaged the whole place, to the astonishment of
+Mr. Jolter, without finding either his wife or the supposed ravisher,
+accompanied them to all the public-houses in the Faubourg, which having
+examined also without success, he returned to the magistrate in a state
+of despair, and obtained a promise of his making such an effectual
+inquiry, that in three days he should have an account of her, provided
+she was alive, and within the walls of Paris.
+
+Our adventurer, who had foreseen all this disturbance, was not at all
+surprised when his governor told him what had happened, and conjured
+him to restore the woman to the right owner, with many pathetic
+remonstrances touching the heinous sin of adultery, the distraction of
+the unfortunate husband, and the danger of incurring the resentment of
+an arbitrary government, which, upon application being made would
+not fail of espousing the cause of the injured. He denied, with great
+effrontery, that he had the least concern in the matter, pretended to
+resent the deportment of Hornbeck, whom he threatened to chastise for
+his scandalous suspicion, and expressed his displeasure at the credulity
+of Jolter, who seemed to doubt the veracity of his asseveration.
+
+Notwithstanding this confident behaviour, Jolter could not help
+entertaining doubts of his sincerity, and, visiting the disconsolate
+swain, begged he would, for the honour of his country, as well as
+for the sake of his own reputation, discontinue his addresses to the
+lieutenant de police, and apply to the British ambassador, who, by dint
+of friendly admonitions, would certainly prevail upon Mr. Pickle to do
+him all the justice in his power, if he was really the author of
+the injury he had sustained. The governor urged this advice with the
+appearance of so much sympathy and concern, promising to co-operate
+within his influence in his behalf, that Hornbeck embraced the proposal,
+communicated his purpose to the magistrate, who commended the resolution
+as the most decent and desirable expedient he could use, and then waited
+upon his excellency, who readily espoused his cause, and sending for the
+young gentleman that same evening, read him such a lecture in private,
+as extorted a confession of the whole affair. Not that he assailed him
+with sour and supercilious maxims, or severe rebuke; because he
+had penetration enough to discern that Peregrine's disposition was
+impregnable to all such attacks; but he first of all rallied him on his
+intriguing genius; then, in a humorous manner, described the distraction
+of the poor cuckold, who he owned was justly punished for the absurdity
+of his conduct; and lastly, upon the supposition that it would be no
+great effort in Pickle to part with such a conquest, especially after
+it had been for some time possessed, represented the necessity and
+expediency of restoring her, not only out of regard to his own character
+and that of his nation, but also with a view to his ease, which would in
+a little time be very much invaded by such an incumbrance, that in all
+probability would involve him in a thousand difficulties and disgusts.
+Besides, he assured him that he was already, by order of the lieutenant
+de police, surrounded with spies, who would watch all his motions, and
+immediately discover the retreat in which he had disposed his prize.
+These arguments, and the frank familiar manner in which they were
+delivered--but, above all, the last consideration--induced the young
+gentleman to disclose the whole of his proceedings to the ambassador;
+and he promised to be governed by his direction, provided the lady
+should not suffer for the step she had taken, but, be received by her
+husband with due reverence and respect. These stipulations being agreed
+to, he undertook to produce her in eight-and-forty hours; and, taking
+coach, immediately drove to the place of her residence, where he spent
+a whole day and night in convincing her of the impossibility of their
+enjoying each other in that manner; then, returning to Paris, he
+delivered her into the hands of the ambassador, who, having assured her
+that she might depend upon his friendship and protection, in case she
+should find herself aggrieved by the jealous temper of Mr. Hornbeck,
+restored her to her legitimate lord, whom he counselled to exempt her
+from that restraint which in all probability had been the cause of
+her elopement, and endeavour to conciliate her affection by tender and
+respectful usage.
+
+The husband behaved with great humility and compliance, protesting
+that his chief study should be to contrive parties for her pleasure and
+satisfaction. But no sooner did he regain possession of his stray sheep,
+than he locked her up more closely than ever; and after having revolved
+various schemes for her reformation, determined to board her in
+a convent, under the inspection of a prudent abbess, who should
+superintend her morals, and recall her to the paths of virtue which
+she had forsaken. With this view, he consulted an English priest of his
+acquaintance, who advised him to settle her in a monastery at Lisle,
+that she might be as far as possible from the machinations of her lover,
+and gave him a letter of recommendation to the superior of a certain
+convent in that place, for which Mr. Hornbeck set out in a few days with
+his troublesome charge.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine resolves to return to England--Is diverted with the odd
+Characters of two of his Countrymen, with whom he contracts an
+acquaintance in the Apartments of the Palais Royal.
+
+
+In the mean time our hero received a letter from his aunt, importing
+that the commodore was in a very declining way, and longed much to see
+him at the garrison; and at the same time he heard from his sister, who
+gave him to understand that the young gentleman, who had for some
+time made his addresses to her, was become very pressing in his
+solicitations; so that she wanted to know in what manner she should
+answer his repeated entreaties. Those two considerations determined the
+young gentleman to retain to his native country; a resolution that was
+far from being disagreeable to Jolter, who knew that the incumbent on a
+living which was in the gift of Trunnion was extremely old, and that
+it would be his interest to be upon the spot at the said incumbent's
+decease.
+
+Peregrine, who had resided about fifteen months in France, thought he
+was now sufficiently qualified for eclipsing most of his contemporaries
+in England, and therefore prepared for his departure with infinite
+alacrity; being moreover inflamed with the most ardent desire of
+revisiting his friends, and renewing his connections, particularly with
+Emilia, whose heart he by this time, thought he was able to reduce on
+his own terms.
+
+As he proposed to make the tour of Flanders and Holland in his return
+to England, he resolved to stay at Paris a week or two after his affairs
+were settled, in hope of finding some companion disposed for the same
+journey; and, in order to refresh his memory, made a second circuit
+round all the places in that capital, where any curious production of
+art is to be seen. In the course of this second examination he chanced
+to enter the Palais Royal, just as two gentlemen alighted from a fiacre
+at the gate; and all three being admitted at the same time, he soon
+perceived that the strangers were of his own country. One of them was a
+young man, in whose air and countenance appeared all the uncouth
+gravity and supercilious self-conceit of a physician piping-hot from his
+studies; while the other, to whom his companion spoke by the appellation
+of Mr. Pallet, displayed at first sight a strange composition of levity
+and assurance. Indeed, their characters, dress, and address, were
+strongly contrasted: the doctor wore a suit of black, and a huge
+tie-wig, neither suitable to his own age, nor the fashion of the country
+where he then lived; whereas the other, though seemingly turned of
+fifty, strutted in a gay summer dress of the Parisian cut, with a bag to
+his own grey hair, and a red feather in his hat, which he carried under
+his arm. As these figures seemed to promise something entertaining,
+Pickle entered into conversation with them immediately, and soon
+discovered that the old gentleman was a painter from London, who had
+stolen a fortnight from his occupation, in order to visit the remarkable
+paintings of France and Flanders; and that the doctor had taken the
+opportunity of accompanying him in his tour. Being extremely talkative,
+he not only communicated these particulars to our hero in a very few
+minutes after their meeting, but also took occasion to whisper in his
+ear that his fellow-traveller was a man of vast learning and, beyond
+all doubt, the greatest poet of the age. As for himself, he was under no
+necessity of making his own eulogium; for he soon gave such specimens of
+his taste and talents as left Pickle no room to doubt of his capacity.
+
+While they stood considering the pictures in one of the first
+apartments, which are by no means the most masterly compositions,
+the Swiss, who set up for a connoisseur, looking at a certain piece,
+pronounced the word with a note of admiration; upon which Mr. Pallet,
+who was not at all a critic in the French language, replied, with
+great vivacity, "Manufac, you mean, and a very indifferent piece of
+manufacture it is: pray, gentlemen, take notice; there is no keeping in
+those heads upon the background, and no relief in the principal figure:
+then you'll observe the shadings are harsh to the last degree; and, come
+a little closer this way--don't you perceive that the foreshortening of
+that arm is monstrous?--egad, sir! The is an absolute fracture in
+the limb. Doctor, you understand anatomy: don't you think that muscle
+evidently misplaced? Hark ye, Mr. what-d'ye-call-um (turning to the
+attendant), what is the name of the dauber who painted that miserable
+performance?" The Swiss, imagining that he was all this time expressing
+his satisfaction, sanctioned his supposed commendation by exclaiming
+sans prix. "Right," cried Pallet: "I could not recollect his name,
+though his manner is quite familiar to me. We have a few pieces
+in England, done by that same Sangpree; but there they are in no
+estimation; we have more taste among us than to relish the productions
+of such a miserable gout. A'n't he an ignorant coxcomb, doctor?" The
+physician, ashamed of his companion's blunder, thought it was necessary,
+for the honour of his wan character, to take notice of it before the
+stranger, and therefore answered his question by repeating this line
+from Horace:--
+
+Mutato nomine, de te fabula narratur.
+
+The painter, who was rather more ignorant of Latin than of French,
+taking it for granted that this quotation of his friend conveyed an
+assent to his opinion, "Very true," said he, "Potato domine date, this
+piece is not worth a single potato." Peregrine was astonished at this
+surprising perversion of the words and meaning of a Latin line, which,
+at first, he could not help thinking was a premeditated joke; but,
+upon second thoughts, he saw no reason to doubt that it was the
+extemporaneous effect of sheer pertness and ignorance, at which he
+broke out into an immoderate fit of laughter. Pallet, believing that the
+gentleman's mirth was occasioned by his arch animadversion upon the work
+of Sangpree, underwent the same emotion in a much louder strain, and
+endeavoured to heighten the jest by more observations of the same
+nature; while the doctor, confounded at his impudence and want of
+knowledge, reprimanded him in these words of Homer:--
+
+Siga, me tis allos Achaion touton akouse muthon.
+
+This rebuke, the reader will easily perceive, was not calculated for the
+meridian of his friend's intellects, but uttered with a view of raising
+his own character in the opinion of Mr. Pickle, who retorted this parade
+of learning in three verses from the same author, being part of the
+speech of Polydamas to Hector, importing that it is impossible for one
+man to excel in everything.
+
+The self-sufficient physician, who did not expect such a repartee from
+a youth of Peregrine's appearance, looked upon his reply as a fair
+challenge, and instantly rehearsed forty or fifty lines of the Iliad
+in a breath. Observing that the stranger made no effort to match this
+effusion, he interpreted his silence into submission; then, in order to
+ascertain his victory, insulted him with divers fragments of authors,
+whom his supposed competitor did not even know by name; while Mr. Pallet
+stared with admiration at the profound scholarship of his companion. Our
+young gentleman, far from repining at this superiority laughed within
+himself at the ridiculous ambition of the pedantic doctor. He rated him
+in his own mind as a mere index-hunter, who held the eel of science by
+the tail, and foresaw an infinite fund of diversion in his solemnity and
+pride, if properly extracted by means of his fellow-traveller's
+vanity and assurance. Prompted by these considerations, he resolved to
+cultivate their acquaintance, and, if possible, amuse himself at their
+expense in his journey through Flanders, understanding that they were
+determined upon the same route. In this view he treated them with
+extraordinary attention, and seemed to pay particular deference to the
+remarks of the painter, who, with great intrepidity, pronounced judgment
+upon every picture in the palace, or, in other words, exposed his own
+nakedness in every sentence that proceeded from his mouth.
+
+When they came to consider the Murder of the Innocents by Le Brun,
+the Swiss observed, that it was un beau morceau, and Mr. Pallet
+replied,--"Yes, yes, one may see with half an eye, that it can be
+the production of no other; for Bomorso's style both in colouring
+and drapery, is altogether peculiar: then his design is tame, and his
+expression antic and unnatural. Doctor, you have seen my judgment of
+Solomon; I think I may, without presumption--but, I don't choose to make
+comparisons; I leave that odious task to other people, and let my works
+speak for themselves. France, to be sure, is rich in the arts; but
+what is the reason? The king encourages men of genius with honour and
+rewards; whereas, in England, we are obliged to stand on our own feet,
+and combat the envy and malice of our brethren. Egad! I have a good mind
+to come and settle here in Paris. I should like to have an apartment in
+the Louvre, with a snug pension of so many thousand livres."
+
+In this manner did Pallet proceed with an eternal rotation of tongue,
+floundering from one mistake to another, until it was the turn of
+Poussin's Seven Sacraments to be examined. Here again, the Swiss, out
+of the abundance of his zeal, expressed his admiration, by saying these
+pieces were impayable; when the painter, turning to him, with an air of
+exultation, "Pardon me, friend, there you happen to be mistaken: these
+are none of Impayable's; but done by Nicholas Pouseen. I have seen
+prints of them in England, so that none of your tricks upon travellers,
+Mr. Swiss or Swash, or what's your name." He was much elated by this
+imaginary triumph of his understanding, which animated him to persevere
+in his curious observations upon all the other pieces of that celebrated
+collection; but perceiving that the doctor manifested no signs of
+pleasure and satisfaction, but rather beheld them with a silent air of
+disdain, he could not digest his indifference, and asked, with a waggish
+sneer, if ever he had seen such a number of masterpieces before? The
+physician, eyeing him with a look of compassion, mingled with contempt,
+observed that there was nothing there which deserved the attention
+of any person acquainted with the ideas of the ancients; and that
+the author of the finest piece now in being was unworthy to clean the
+brushes of one of those great masters who are celebrated by the Greek
+and Roman writers.
+
+"O lad! O lad!" exclaimed the painter, with a loud laugh, "you have
+fairly brought yourself into a dilemma at last, dear doctor; for it is
+well known that your ancient Greek and Roman artists knew nothing at
+all of the matter, in comparison with our modern masters; for this good
+reason, because they had but three or four colours, and knew not how to
+paint with oil: besides, which of all your old fusty Grecians would you
+put upon a footing with the divine Raphael, the most excellent Michael
+Angelo, Bona Roti, the graceful Guido, the bewitching Titian, and above
+all others, the sublime Rubens, the--." He would have proceeded with
+a long catalogue of names which he had got by heart for the purpose,
+without retaining the least idea of their several qualifications, had
+not he been interrupted by his friend, whose indignation being kindled
+by the irreverence with which he mentioned the Greeks, he called
+him blasphemer, Goth, Boeotian, and, in his turn, asked with great
+vehemence, which of those puny moderns could match with Panaenus of
+Athens, and his brother Phidias; Polycletus of Sicyon; Polygnotus, the
+Thracian; Parrhasius of Ephesus, surnamed Abrodiaitos, or the Beau; and
+Apelles, the prince of painters? He challenged him to show any portrait
+of these days that could vie with the Helen of Zeuxis, the Heraclean; or
+any composition equal to the Sacrifice of Iphigenia, by Timanthes,
+the Sicyonian; not to mention the Twelve Gods of Asclepiodorus, the
+Athenian, for which Mnason, tyrant of Elatea, gave him about three
+hundred pounds apiece; or Homer's Hell, by Nicias, who refused sixty
+talents, amounting to upwards of eleven thousand pounds, and generously
+made a present of it to his own country. He desired him to produce a
+collection equal to that in the temple of Delphos, mentioned in the
+"Ion" of Euripides; where Hercules and his companion Iolaus, are
+represented in the act of killing the Lernaean hydra with golden
+sickles, kruseais harpais, where Bellerophon appears on his winged
+steed, vanquishing the fire-breathing chimera, tan puripneousan; and the
+war of the giants is described. Here Jupiter stands wielding the red-hot
+thunderbolts, keraunon amphipuron; there Pallas, dreadful to the view,
+Gorgopon, brandishes her spear against the huge Euceladus; and Bacchus,
+with slender ivy rods, defeats and slays the ges teknon, or the mighty
+son of earth.
+
+The painter was astonished and confounded at this rhapsody of names and
+instances, which was uttered with surprising eagerness and rapidity,
+suspecting at first that the whole was the creation of his own brain;
+but when Pickle, with a view of flattering the doctor's self-conceit,
+espoused his side of the question, and confirmed the truth of everything
+he advanced, Mr. Pallet changed his opinion, and in emphatic silence
+adored the immensity of his friend's understanding. In short, Peregrine
+easily perceived that they were false enthusiasts, without the smallest
+pretensions to taste and sensibility; and pretended to be in raptures
+with they knew not what; the one thinking it was incumbent upon him
+to express transports on seeing the works of those who had been most
+eminent in their profession, whether they did or did not really raise
+his admiration; and the other as a scholar deeming it his duty to
+magnify the ancients above all competition, with an affected fervour,
+which the knowledge of their excellencies never inspired. Indeed, our
+young gentleman so successfully accommodated himself to the disposition
+of each, that long before their review was finished, he was become a
+particular favourite with both.
+
+From the Palais Royal he accompanied them to the cloisters of the
+Carthusian's, where they considered the History of St. Bruno, by Le
+Sueur, whose name being utterly unknown to the painter, he gave judgment
+against the whole composition, as pitiful and paltry; though, in the
+opinion of all good judges, it is a most masterly performance.
+
+Having satisfied their curiosity in this place, Peregrine asked them
+to favour him with their company at dinner; but whether out of caution
+against the insinuations of one whose character they did not know, or by
+reason of a prior engagement, they declined his invitation on pretence
+of having an appointment at a certain ordinary, though they expressed
+a desire of being further acquainted with him; and Mr. Pallet took the
+freedom of asking his name, which he not only declared, but promised,
+as they were strangers in Paris, to wait upon them next day in the
+forenoon, in order to conduct them to the Hotel de Toulouse, and the
+houses of several other noblemen, remarkable for painting or curious
+furniture. They thankfully embraced his proposal, and that same day made
+inquiry among the English gentlemen about the character of our hero,
+which they found so much to their satisfaction, that, upon their second
+meeting, they courted his good graces without reserve; and as they had
+heard of his intended departure, begged earnestly to have the honour of
+accompanying him through the Low Countries. He assured them that
+nothing could be more agreeable to him than the prospect of having such
+fellow-travellers; and they immediately appointed a day for setting out
+on that tour.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIII.
+
+
+
+He introduces his new Friends to Mr. Jolter, with whom the Doctor enters
+into a Dispute upon Government, which had well nigh terminated in open
+War.
+
+
+Meanwhile, he not only made them acquainted with everything worth seeing
+in town but attended them in their excursions to all the king's houses
+within a day's journey of Paris; and in the course of these parties,
+treated them with an elegant dinner at his own apartments, where a
+dispute arose between the doctor and Mr. Jolter, which had well nigh
+terminated in an irreconcilable animosity. These gentlemen, with an
+equal share of pride, pedantry, and saturnine disposition, were, by the
+accidents of education and company, diametrically opposite in
+political maxims; the one, as we have already observed, being a bigoted
+high-churchman, and the other a rank republican. It was an article of
+the governor's creed, that the people could not be happy, nor the earth
+yield its fruits in abundance, under a restricted clergy and limited
+government; whereas, in the doctor's opinion, it was an eternal truth,
+that no constitution was so perfect as the democracy, and that no
+country could flourish but under the administration of the mob.
+
+These considerations being premised, no wonder that they happened to
+disagree in the freedom of an unreserved conversation, especially as
+their entertainer took all opportunities of encouraging and inflaming
+the contention. The first source of their difference was an unlucky
+remark of the painter, who observed that the partridge, of which he was
+then eating, had the finest relish of any he had ever tasted. His friend
+owned that the birds were the best of the kind he had seen in France;
+but affirmed that they were neither so plump nor delicious as those that
+were caught in England. The governor, considering this observation as
+the effect of prejudice and inexperience, said, with a sarcastic smile,
+"I believe, sir, you are very well disposed to find everything here
+inferior to the productions of your own country."--"True, sir," answered
+the physician, with a certain solemnity of aspect, "and not without
+good reason, I hope."--"And pray," resumed the tutor, "why may not the
+partridges of France be as good as those of England?"--"For a very plain
+reason," replied the other; "because they are not so well fed. The
+iron hand of oppression is extended to all animals within the French
+dominions, even to the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air;
+kunessin oionoisi te pasi."--"Egad!" cried the painter, "that is a truth
+not to be controverted: for my own part, I am none of your tit-bits, one
+would think; but yet there is a freshness in the English complexion, a
+ginseekye, I think you call it, so inviting to a hungry Frenchman,
+that I have caught several in the very act of viewing me with an eye of
+extreme appetite, as I passed; and as for their curs, or rather their
+wolves, whenever I set eyes on one of 'em, Ah! your humble servant, Mr.
+son of a b--, I am upon my guard in an instant. The doctor can testify
+that their very horses, or more properly their live carrion, that drew
+our chaise, used to reach back their long necks and smell at us, as a
+couple of delicious morsels."
+
+This sally of Mr. Pallet, which was received with a general laugh of
+approbation, would in all probability, have stifled the dispute in
+embryo, had not Mr. Jolter, with a self-applauding simper, ironically
+complimented the strangers on their talking like true Englishmen. The
+doctor, affronted at the insinuation, told him with some warmth that he
+was mistaken in his conjecture, his affections and ideas being confined
+to no particular country; for he considered himself as a citizen of
+the world. He owned himself more attached to England than to any other
+kingdom, but this preference was the effect of reflection, and not of
+prejudice; the British constitution approached nearer than any other to
+that perfection of government, the democracy of Athens, he hoped one
+day to see revived; he mentioned the death of Charles the First, and the
+expulsion of his son, with raptures of applause; inveighed with great
+acrimony against the kingly name; and, in order to strengthen his
+opinion, repeated forty or fifty lines from one of the Philippics of
+Demosthenes.
+
+Jolter, hearing him speak so disrespectfully of the higher powers,
+glowed with indignation: he said his doctrines were detestable, and
+destructive of all right, order, and society; that monarchy was of
+divine institution, therefore indefeasible by any human power; and
+of consequence those events in the English history, which he had so
+liberally commended, were no other than flagrant instances of sacrilege,
+perfidy, and sedition; that the democracy of Athens was a most absurd
+constitution, productive of anarchy and mischief, which must always
+happen when the government of a nation depends upon the caprice of the
+ignorant, hair-brained vulgar; that it was in the power of the most
+profligate member of the commonwealth, provided he was endowed with
+eloquence, to ruin the most deserving, by a desperate exertion of his
+talents upon the populace, who had been often persuaded to act in the
+most ungrateful and imprudent manner against the greatest patriots that
+their country had produced; and, finally, he averred, that the liberal
+arts and sciences had never flourished so much in a republic as under
+the encouragement and protection of absolute power: witness the Augustan
+age, and the reign of Louis the Fourteenth: nor was it to be supposed
+that genius and merit could ever be so amply recompensed by the
+individuals or distracted councils of a commonwealth, as by the
+generosity and magnificence of one who had the whole treasury at his own
+command.
+
+Peregrine, who was pleased to find the contest grow warm, observed that
+there seemed to be a good deal of truth in what Mr. Jolter advanced;
+and the painter whose opinion began to waver, looked with a face
+of expectation at his friend, who, modelling his features into an
+expression of exulting disdain, asked of his antagonist, if he did not
+think that very power of rewarding merit enabled an absolute prince
+to indulge himself in the most arbitrary license over the lives and
+fortunes of his people? Before the governor had time to answer this
+question, Pallet broke forth into an exclamation of "By the Lord! that
+is certainly fact, egad! that was a home-thrust, doctor." When Mr.
+Jolter, chastising this shallow intruder with a contemptuous look,
+affirmed that, though supreme power furnished a good prince with the
+means of exerting his virtues, it would not support a tyrant in the
+exercise of cruelty and oppression; because in all nations the genius
+of the people must be consulted by their governors, and the burthen
+proportioned to the shoulders on which it is laid. "Else, what follows?"
+said the physician. "The consequence is plain," replied the governor,
+"insurrection, revolt, and his own destruction; for it is not to
+be supposed that the subjects of any nation would be so abject and
+pusillanimous as to neglect the means which heaven hath put in their
+power for their own preservation."--"Gadzooks, you're in the right, sir!"
+cried Pallet; "that, I grant you, must be confessed: doctor, I'm afraid
+we have got into the wrong box." This son of Paean, however, far from
+being of his friend's opinion, observed, with an air of triumph, that
+he would not only demonstrate the sophistry of the gentleman's last
+allegation by argument and facts, but even confute him with his own
+words. Jolter's eyes kindling at this presumptuous declaration, he told
+his antagonist, while his lip quivered with resentment, that if his
+arguments were no better than his breeding, he was sure he would make
+very few converts to his opinion; and the doctor, with all the insolence
+of triumph, advised him to beware of disputes for the future, until he
+should have made himself more master of his subject.
+
+Peregrine both wished and hoped to see the disputants proceed to
+arguments of more weight and conviction; and the painter, dreading the
+same issue, interposed with the usual exclamation of "For God's sake,
+gentlemen;" when the governor rose from table in great dudgeon, and left
+the room, muttering some ejaculation, of which the word coxcomb only
+could be distinctly heard. The physician, being thus left master of the
+field of battle, was complimented on his victory by Peregrine, and so
+elevated by his success, that he declaimed a full hour on the
+absurdity of Jolter's proposition, and the beauty of the democratic
+administration; canvassed the whole scheme of Plato's republic, with
+many quotations from that ideal author, touching the to kalon: from
+thence he made a transition to the moral sense of Shaftesbury, and
+concluded his harangue with the greatest part of that frothy writer's
+rhapsody, which he repeated with all the violence of enthusiastic
+agitation, to the unspeakable satisfaction of his entertainer, and
+the unutterable admiration of Pallet, who looked upon him as something
+supernatural and divine.
+
+So intoxicated was this vain young man with the ironical praises of
+Pickle, that he forthwith shook off all reserve; and having professed
+a friendship for our hero, whose taste and learning he did not fail to
+extol, intimated in plain terms, that he was the only person, in these
+latter ages, who possessed that genius, that portion of the divinity,
+or Ti Theion, which immortalized the Grecian poets: that as Pythagoras
+affirmed the spirit of Euphorbus had transmigrated into his body, he,
+the doctor, strangely possessed with the opinion that he himself was
+inspired by the soul of Pindar; because, making allowance for the
+difference of languages in which they wrote, there was a surprising
+affinity between his own works and those of that celebrated Theban; and
+as a confirmation of this truth, he immediately produced a sample of
+each, which, though in spirit and versification as different as the Odes
+of Horace and our present poet-laureat, Peregrine did not scruple to
+pronounce altogether congenial, notwithstanding the violence he by
+this sentence offered to his own conscience, and a certain alarm to
+his pride, that was weak enough to be disturbed by the physician's
+ridiculous vanity and presumption, which, not contented with displaying
+his importance in the world of taste and polite literature, manifested
+itself in arrogating certain material discoveries in the province of
+physic, which could not fail to advance him to the highest pinnacle of
+that profession, considering the recommendation of his other talents,
+together with a liberal fortune which he inherited from his father.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIV.
+
+
+
+The Doctor prepares an Entertainment in the Manner of the Ancients,
+which is attended with divers ridiculous Circumstances.
+
+
+In a word, our young gentleman, by his insinuating behaviour, acquired
+the full confidence of the doctor, who invited him to an entertainment,
+which he intended to prepare in the manner of the ancients. Pickle,
+struck with this idea, eagerly embraced the proposal, which he honoured
+with many encomiums, as a plan in all respects worthy of his genius and
+apprehension; and the day was appointed at some distance of time,
+that the treater might have leisure to compose certain pickles and
+confections which were not to be found among the culinary preparations
+of these degenerate days. With a view of rendering the physician's taste
+more conspicuous, and extracting from it the more diversion, Peregrine
+proposed that some foreigners should partake of the banquet; and the
+task being left to his care and discretion, he actually bespoke the
+company of a French marquis, an Italian count, and a German baron, whom
+he knew to be egregious coxcombs, and therefore more likely to enhance
+the joy of the entertainment.
+
+Accordingly, the hour being arrived, he conducted them to the hotel
+where the physician lodged, after having regaled their expectations with
+an elegant meal in the genuine old Roman taste; and they were received
+by Mr. Pallet, who did the honours of the house, while his friend
+superintended the cook below. By this communicative painter, the guests
+understood that the doctor had met with numerous difficulties in
+the execution of his design; that no fewer than five cooks had been
+dismissed, because they could not prevail upon their own consciences to
+obey his directions in things that were contrary to the present practice
+of their art; and that although he had at last engaged a person, by
+an extraordinary premium, to comply with his orders, the fellow was so
+astonished, mortified, and incensed at the commands he had received,
+that his hair stood on end, and he begged on his knees to be released
+from the agreement he had made; but finding that his employer insisted
+upon the performance of his contract, and threatened to introduce him
+to the commissaire if he should flinch from the bargain, he had, in the
+discharge of his office, wept, sang, cursed, and capered for two whole
+hours without intermission.
+
+While the company listened to this odd information, by which they were
+prepossessed with strange notions of the dinner, their ears were invaded
+by a voice that exclaimed in French, "For the love of God! dear sir! for
+the passion of Jesus Christ! spare me the mortification of the honey
+and oil!" Their ears still vibrated with the sound, when the doctor
+entering, was by Peregrine made acquainted with the strangers, to whom
+he, in the transports of his wrath, could not help complaining of the
+want of complaisance he had found in the Parisian vulgar, by which his
+plan had been almost entirely ruined and set aside. The French marquis,
+who thought the honour of his nation was concerned at this declaration,
+professed his sorrow for what had happened, so contrary to the
+established character of the people, and undertook to see the
+delinquents severely punished, provided he could be informed of their
+names or places of abode.
+
+The mutual compliments that passed on this occasion were scarce
+finished, when a servant, coming into the room, announced dinner; and
+the entertainer led the way into another apartment, where they found a
+long table, or rather two boards joined together, and furnished with a
+variety of dishes, the steams of which had such evident effect upon the
+nerves of the company, that the marquis made frightful grimaces, under
+pretence of taking snuff; the Italian's eyes watered; the German's
+visage underwent several distortions of features; our hero found means
+to exclude the odour from his sense of smelling, by breathing only
+through his mouth; and the poor painter, running into another room,
+plugged his nostrils with tobacco. The doctor himself, who was the only
+person present, whose organs were not discomposed, pointing to a couple
+of couches placed on each side of the table, told his guests that he was
+sorry he could not procure the exact triclinia of the ancients, which
+were somewhat different from these conveniences, and desired they would
+have the goodness to repose themselves without ceremony, each in his
+respective couchette, while he and his friend Mr. Pallet would place
+themselves upright at the ends, that they might have the pleasure of
+serving those that lay along. This disposition, of which the strangers
+had no previous idea, disconcerted and perplexed them in a most
+ridiculous manner; the marquis and baron stood bowing to each other,
+on pretence of disputing the lower seat, but in reality with a view of
+profiting by the example of one another, for neither of them understood
+the manner in which they were to loll; and Peregrine, who enjoyed their
+confusion, handed the count to the other side, where, with the most
+mischievous politeness, he insisted upon his taking possession of the
+upper place.
+
+In this disagreeable and ludicrous suspense, they continue acting a
+pantomime of gesticulations, until the doctor earnestly entreated them
+to waive all compliment and form, lest the dinner should be spoiled
+before the ceremonial could be adjusted. Thus conjured, Peregrine took
+the lower couch on the left-hand-side, laying himself gently down, with
+his face towards the table. The marquis, in imitation of this pattern
+(though he would have much rather fasted three days than run the risk of
+discomposing his dress by such an attitude), stretched himself upon the
+opposite place, reclining upon his elbow in a most painful and awkward
+situation, with his head raised above the end of the couch, that the
+economy of his hair might not suffer by the projection of his body. The
+Italian, being a thin limber creature, planted himself next to Pickle,
+without sustaining any misfortune but that of his stocking being torn
+by a ragged nail of the seat, as he raised his legs on a level with the
+rest of his limbs. But the baron, who was neither so wieldy nor supple
+in his joints as his companions, flounced himself down with such
+precipitation, that his feet, suddenly tilting up, came in furious
+contact with the head of the marquis, and demolished every curl in a
+twinkling, while his own skull, at the same instant, descended upon the
+side of his couch, with such violence, that his periwig was struck off,
+and the whole room filled with pulvilio.
+
+The drollery of distress that attended this disaster entirely vanquished
+the affected gravity of our young gentleman, who was obliged to
+suppress his laughter by cramming his handkerchief in his mouth; for the
+bare-headed German asked pardon with such ridiculous confusion, and
+the marquis admitted his apology with such rueful complaisance, as were
+sufficient to awake the mirth of a quietist.
+
+This misfortune being repaired as well as the circumstances of
+the occasion would permit, and every one settled according to the
+arrangement already described, the doctor graciously undertook to give
+some account of the dishes as they occurred, that the company might be
+directed in their choice: and with an air of infinite satisfaction thus
+began: "This here, gentlemen, is a boiled goose, served up in a sauce
+composed of pepper, lovage, coriander, mint, rue, anchovies; I wish
+for your sakes, gentlemen, it was one of the geese of Ferrara, so much
+celebrated among the ancients for the magnitude of their livers, one
+of which is said to have weighed upwards of two pounds; with this food,
+exquisite as it was, did the tyrant Heliogabalus regale his hounds. But
+I beg pardon, I had almost forgot the soup, which I hear is so necessary
+an article at all tables in France. At each end there are dishes of the
+salacacabia of the Romans; one is made of parsley, pennyroyal, cheese,
+pine-tops, honey, brine, eggs, cucumbers, onions, and hen livers; the
+other is much the same as the soup-maigre of this country. Then there
+is a loin of veal boiled with fennel and caraway-seed, on a pottage
+composed of pickle, oil, honey, and flour, and a curious hachis of the
+lights, liver, and blood of a hare, together with a dish of roasted
+pigeons. Monsieur le baron, shall I help you to a plate of this soup?"
+The German, who did not at all disapprove of the ingredients, assented
+to the proposal, and seemed to relish the composition; while the marquis
+being asked by the painter which of the silly-kickabys he chose, was,
+in consequence of his desire, accommodated with a portion of the
+soup-maigre; and the count, in lieu of spoon-meat, of which he said he
+was no great admirer, supplied himself with a pigeon, therein conforming
+to the choice of our young gentleman, whose example he determined to
+follow through the whole course of the entertainment.
+
+The Frenchman, having swallowed the first spoonful, made a full pause,
+his throat swelled as if an egg had stuck in his gullet, his eyes
+rolled, and his mouth underwent a series of involuntary contractions and
+dilatations. Pallet, who looked steadfastly at this connoisseur, with a
+view of consulting his taste, before he himself would venture upon the
+soup, began to be disturbed at these motions, and observed, with some
+concern, that the poor gentleman seemed to be going into a fit; when
+Peregrine assured him, that these were symptoms of ecstasy, and, for
+further confirmation, asked the marquis how he found the soup. It was
+with infinite difficulty that his complaisance could so far master
+his disgust as to enable him to answer, "Altogether excellent, upon my
+honour!" and the painter being certified of his approbation, lifted the
+spoon to his mouth without scruple, but far from justifying the eulogium
+of his taster, when this precious composition diffused itself upon his
+palate, he seemed to be deprived of all sense and motion, and sat like
+the leaden statue of some river god, with the liquor flowing out at both
+sides of his mouth.
+
+The doctor, alarmed at this indecent phenomenon, earnestly inquired into
+the cause of it; and when Pallet recovered his recollection, and swore
+that he would rather swallow porridge made of burning brimstone, than
+such an infernal mess as that which he had tasted, the physician, in
+his own vindication, assured the company, that, except the usual
+ingredients, he had mixed nothing in the soup but some sal ammoniac
+instead of the ancient nitrum, which could not now be procured;
+and appealed to the marquis, whether such a succedaneum was not an
+improvement on the whole. The unfortunate petit-maitre, driven to
+the extremity of his condescension, acknowledged it to be a masterly
+refinement; and deeming himself obliged, in point of honour, to evince
+his sentiments by his practice, forced a few more mouthfuls of this
+disagreeable potion down his throat, till his stomach was so much
+offended, that he was compelled to start up of a sudden; and, in the
+hurry of his elevation, overturned his plate into the bosom of the
+baron. The emergency of this occasion would not permit him to stay and
+make apologies for his abrupt behaviour; so that he flew into another
+apartment, where Pickle found him puking and crossing himself with great
+devotion; and a chair, at his desire, being brought to the door, he
+slipped into it more dead than alive, conjuring his friend Pickle to
+make his peace with the company, and in particular excuse him to the
+baron, on account of the violent fit of illness with which he had been
+seized. It was not without reason that he employed a mediator; for when
+our hero returned to the dining-room, the German got up, and was
+under the hands of his own lacquey, who wiped the grease from a rich
+embroidered waistcoat, while he, almost frantic with his misfortune,
+stamped upon the ground, and in High Dutch cursed the unlucky banquet,
+and the impertinent entertainer, who all this time, with great
+deliberation, consoled him for the disaster, by assuring him that the
+damage done might be repaired with some oil of turpentine and a hot
+iron. Peregrine, who could scarce refrain from laughing in his face,
+appeased his indignation by telling him how much the whole company, and
+especially, the marquis, was mortified at the accident; and the unhappy
+salacacabia being removed, the places were filled with two pies, one
+of dormice liquored with syrup of white poppies, which the doctor had
+substituted in the room of toasted poppy-seed, formerly eaten with
+honey, as a dessert; and the other composed of a hock of pork baked in
+honey.
+
+Pallet, hearing the first of these dishes described, lifted up his hands
+and eyes, and with signs of loathing and amazement, pronounced, "A
+pie made of dormice and syrup of poppies! Lord in heaven! what beastly
+fellows those Romans were!" His friend checked him for his irreverent
+exclamation with a severe look, and recommended the veal, of which he
+himself cheerfully ate, with such encomiums to the company, that the
+baron resolved to imitate his example, after having called for a bumper
+of Burgundy, which the physician, for his sake, wished to have been the
+true wine of Falernum. The painter, seeing nothing else upon the table
+which he would venture to touch, made a merit of necessity, and had
+recourse to the veal also; although he could not help saying that he
+would not give one slice of the roast beef of Old England for all the
+dainties of a Roman Emperor's table. But all the doctor's invitations
+and assurances could not prevail upon his guests to honour the hachis
+and the goose; and that course was succeeded by another, in which he
+told them were divers of those dishes, which among the ancients had
+obtained the appellation of politeles, or magnificent. "That which
+smokes in the middle," said he, "is a sow's stomach, filled with a
+composition of minced pork, hog's brains, eggs, pepper, cloves, garlic,
+aniseed, rue, ginger, oil, wine, and pickle. On the right-hand side are
+the teats and belly of a sow, just farrowed, fried with sweet wine, oil,
+flour, lovage, and pepper. On the left is a fricassee of snails, fed,
+or rather purged, with milk. At that end next Mr. Pallet are fritters
+of pompions, lovage, origanum, and oil; and here are a couple of pullets
+roasted and stuffed in the manner of Apicius."
+
+The painter, who had by wry faces testified his abhorrence of the
+sow's stomach, which he compared to a bagpipe, and the snails which had
+undergone purgation, he no sooner heard him mention the roasted pullets,
+than he eagerly solicited a wing of the fowl; upon which the doctor
+desired he would take the trouble of cutting them up, and accordingly
+sent them round, while Pallet tucked the table-cloth under his chin,
+and brandished his knife and fork with singular address: but scarce were
+they set down before him, when the tears ran down his cheeks; and he
+called aloud, in a manifest disorder, "Zounds! this is the essence of a
+whole bed of garlic!" That he might not, however, disappoint or disgrace
+the entertainer, he applied his instruments to one of the birds; and
+when he opened up the cavity, was assaulted by such an irruption of
+intolerable smells, that, without staying to disengage himself from the
+cloth, he sprang away, with an exclamation of "Lord Jesus!" and involved
+the whole table in havoc, ruin, and confusion.
+
+Before Pickle could accomplish his escape, he was sauced with the syrup
+of the dormouse pie, which went to pieces in the general wreck; and as
+for the Italian count, he was overwhelmed by the sow's stomach, which,
+bursting in the fall, discharged its contents upon his leg and thigh,
+and scalded him so miserably, that he shrieked with anguish, and grinned
+with a most ghastly and horrible aspect.
+
+The baron, who sat secure without the vortex of this tumult, was not at
+all displeased at seeing his companions involved in such a calamity as
+that which he had already shared; but the doctor was confounded with
+shame and vexation. After having prescribed an application of oil to
+the count's leg, he expressed his sorrow for the misadventure, which he
+openly ascribed to want of taste and prudence in the painter, who did
+not think proper to return, and make an apology in person; and protested
+that there was nothing in the fowls which could give offence to a
+sensible nose, the stuffing being a mixture of pepper, lovage, and
+assafoetida, and the sauce consisting of wine and herring-pickle, which
+he had used instead of the celebrated garum of the Romans; that famous
+pickle having been prepared sometimes of the scombri, which were a
+sort of tunny-fish, and sometimes of the silurus, or shad-fish: nay, he
+observed that there was a third kind, called garum haemation, made of
+the guts, gills, and blood of the thynnus.
+
+The physician, finding it would be impracticable to re-establish the
+order of the banquet, by presenting again the dishes which had been
+discomposed, ordered everything to be removed, a clean cloth to be laid,
+and the dessert to be brought in. Meanwhile, he regretted his incapacity
+to give them a specimen of the aliens, or fish meals of the ancients,
+such as the jus diabaton, the conger-eel, which, in Galen's opinion, is
+hard of digestion; the cornuta, or gurnard, described by Pliny in his
+Natural History, who says, the horns of many of them were a foot and
+a half in length, the mullet and lamprey, that were in the highest
+estimation of old, of which last Julius Caesar borrowed six thousand for
+one triumphal supper. He observed that the manner of dressing them was
+described by Horace, in the account he gives of the entertainment to
+which Maecenas was invited by the epicure Nasidienus:--
+
+Affertur squillas inter muraena natantes, etc.
+
+and told them that they were commonly eaten with the thus Syriacum,
+a certain anodyne and astringent seed, which qualified the purgative
+nature of the fish. This learned physician gave them to understand, that
+though this was reckoned a luxurious fish in the zenith of the Roman
+taste, it was by no means comparable, in point of expense, to some
+preparations in vogue about the time of that absurd voluptuary
+Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six hundred ostriches to be
+compounded in one illness.
+
+By this time the dessert appeared, and the company were not a little
+rejoiced to see plain olives in salt and water: butt what the master of
+the feast valued himself upon, was a sort of jelly, which he affirmed
+to be preferable to the hypotrimma of Hesychius, being a mixture of
+vinegar, pickle, and honey, boiled to proper consistence, and candied
+assafoetida, which he asserted, in contradiction to Aumelbergius and
+Lister, was no other than the laser Syriacum, so precious, as to be sold
+among the ancients to the weight of a silver penny. The gentlemen took
+his word for the excellency of this gum, but contented themselves with
+the olives, which gave such an agreeable relish to the wine, that they
+seemed very well disposed to console themselves for the disgraces they
+had endured; and Pickle, unwilling to lose the least circumstance of
+entertainment that could be enjoyed in their company, went in quest of
+the painter, who remained in his penitentials in another apartment, and
+could not be persuaded to re-enter the banqueting room, until Peregrine
+undertook to procure his pardon from those whom he had injured. Having
+assured him of this indulgence, our young gentleman led him in like a
+criminal, bowing on all hands with all air of humility and contrition;
+and particularly addressing himself to the count, to whom he swore in
+English, as God was his Saviour, he had no intent to affront man, woman,
+or child: but was fain to make the best of his way, that he might not
+give the honourable company cause of offence, by obeying the dictates of
+nature in their presence.
+
+When Pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian, Pallet was forgiven
+in very polite terms, and even received into favour by his friend the
+doctor, in consequence of our hero's intercession: so that all the
+guests forgot their chagrin, and paid their respects so piously to the
+bottle, that in a short time the Champagne produced very evident effects
+in the behaviour of all present.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLV.
+
+
+
+The Painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a Masquerade in
+Woman's Apparel---Is engaged in a troublesome Adventure, and, with his
+Companion, conveyed to the Bastille.
+
+
+The painter, at the request of Pickle, who had a design upon the count's
+sense of hearing, favoured the company with the song of Bumper Squire
+Jones, which yielded infinite satisfaction to the baron, but affected
+the delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner, that his features
+expressed astonishment and disquiet; and by his sudden and repeated
+journeys to the door, it plainly appeared, that he was in the same
+predicament with those who, as Shakespeare observes, "when the bagpipe
+sings in the nose, cannot contain their urine for affection."
+
+With a view, therefore, of vindicating music from such a barbarous
+taste. Mr. Pallet had no sooner performed his task, than the count
+honoured his friends with some favourite airs of his own country, which
+he warbled with infinite grace and expression, though he had not energy
+sufficient to engage the attention of the German, who fell fast asleep
+upon his couch, and snored so loud, as to interrupt, and totally annul,
+this ravishing entertainment; so that they were fain to have recourse
+again to the glass, which made such innovation upon the brain of the
+physician, that he sang divers odes of Anacreon to a tune of his own
+composing, and held forth upon the music and recitative of the ancients
+with great erudition; while Pallet, having found means to make the
+Italian acquainted with the nature of his profession, harangued upon
+painting with wonderful volubility, in a language which (it was well for
+his own credit) the stranger did not understand.
+
+At length the doctor was seized with such a qualm, that he begged
+Peregrine to lead him to his chamber; and the baron, being waked,
+retired with the count. Peregrine, being rendered frolicsome with
+the wine he had drunk, proposed that he and Pallet should go to a
+masquerade, which he recollected was to be given that night. The painter
+did not want curiosity and inclination to accompany him, but expressed
+his apprehension of losing him in the ball; an accident which could
+not fail to be very disagreeable, as he was an utter stranger to the
+language and the town. To obviate this objection, the landlady, who was
+of their council, advised him to appear in a woman's dress, which would
+lay his companion under the necessity of attending him with more care,
+as he could not with decency detach himself from the lady whom he
+should introduce; besides, such a connection would hinder the ladies of
+pleasure from accosting and employing their seducing arts upon a person
+already engaged.
+
+Our young gentleman foreseeing the abundance of diversion in the
+execution of this project, seconded the proposal with such importunity
+and address, that the painter allowed himself to be habited in a suit
+belonging to the landlady, who also procured for him a mask and domino,
+while Pickle provided himself with a Spanish dress. In this disguise,
+which they put on about eleven o'clock, did they, attended by Pipes,
+set out in a fiacre for the ball-room, into which Pickle led this
+supposititious female, to the astonishment of the whole company, who had
+never seen such an uncouth figure in the appearance of a woman.
+
+After they had taken a view of all the remarkable masks, and the painter
+had been treated with a of glass of liqueur, his mischievous companion
+gave him the slip; and, vanishing in an instant, returned with
+another mask and a domino over his habit, that he might enjoy Pallet's
+perplexity, and be at hand to protect him from insult. The poor painter,
+having lost his guide, was almost distracted with anxiety, and stalked
+about the room, in quest of him, with such huge strides and oddity of
+gesture, that he was followed by a whole multitude, who gazed at him as
+a preternatural phenomenon. This attendance increased his uneasiness
+to such a degree, that he could not help uttering a soliloquy aloud, in
+which he cursed his fate for having depended upon the promise of such a
+wag; and swore, that if once he was clear of this scrape, he would
+not bring himself into such a premunire again for the whole kingdom of
+France.
+
+Divers petit-maitres, understanding the mask was a foreigner, who in all
+probability could not speak French, made up to him in their turns, in
+order to display their wit and address, and teased him with several arch
+questions, to which he made no other reply than "No parly Francy. D--
+your chattering! Go about your business, can't ye." Among the masks
+was a nobleman, who began to be very free with the supposed lady, and
+attempted to plunge his hand into her bosom: hut the painter was too
+modest to suffer such indecent treatment; and when the gallant repeated
+his efforts in a manner still more indelicate, lent him such a box
+on the ear, as made the lights dance before him, and created such a
+suspicion of Pallet's sex, that the Frenchman swore he was either a male
+or a hermaphrodite, and insisted upon a scrutiny, for the sake of his
+own honour, with such obstinacy of resentment, that the nymph was in
+imminent danger, not only of being exposed, but also undergoing severe
+chastisement, for having made so free with the prince's ear; when
+Peregrine, who saw and overheard everything that passed, thought it was
+high time to interpose; and accordingly asserted his pretensions to the
+insulted lady, who was overjoyed at this proof of his protection.
+
+The affronted gallant persevered in demanding to know who she was, and
+our hero as strenuously refused to give him that satisfaction: so that
+high words ensued; and the prince threatening to punish his insolence,
+the young gentleman, who was not supposed to know his quality, pointed
+to the place where his own sword used to hang, and, snapping his fingers
+in his face, laid hold on the painter's arm, and led him to another
+part of the room, leaving his antagonist to the meditations of his own
+revenge.
+
+Pallet, having chid his conductor for his barbarous desertion, made him
+acquainted with the difficulty in which he had been involved; and flatly
+telling him he would not put it in his power to give him the slip again,
+held fast by his arm during the remaining part of the entertainment, to
+the no small diversion of the company, whose attention was altogether
+engrossed in the contemplation of such an awkward, ungainly, stalking
+apparition. At last Pickle, being tired of exhibiting this raree-show,
+complied with the repeated desires of his companion, and handed her
+into the coach; which he himself had no sooner entered, than they
+were surrounded by a file of musqueteers, commanded by an exempt,
+who, ordering the coach-door to be opened, took his place with great
+deliberation, while one of his detachment mounted the box, in order to
+direct the driver.
+
+Peregrine at once conceived the meaning of this arrest, and it was well
+for him that he had no weapon wherewith to stand upon his defence; for
+such was the impetuosity and rashness of his temper, that, had he been
+armed, he would have run all risks rather than surrender himself to any
+odds whatever; but Pallet, imagining that the officer was some gentleman
+who had mistaken their carriage for his own, desired his friend to
+undeceive the stranger; and when he was informed of the real state of
+their condition, his knees began to shake, his teeth to chatter, and he
+uttered a most doleful lamentation, importing his fear of being carried
+to some hideous dungeon of the Bastille, where he should spend the rest
+of his days in misery and horror, and never see the light of God's sun,
+nor the face of a friend; but perish in a foreign land, far removed from
+his family and connexions. Pickle d--d him for his pusillanimity; and
+the exempt hearing a lady bemoan herself so piteously, expressed his
+mortification at being the instrument of giving her such pain, and
+endeavoured to console them by representing the lenity of the French
+government, and the singular generosity of the prince, by whose order
+they were apprehended.
+
+Peregrine, whose discretion seemed to forsake him on all such occasions,
+exclaimed, with great bitterness, against the arbitrary administration
+of France, and inveighed, with many expressions of contempt, against
+the character of the offended prince, whose resentment, far from being
+noble, he mid, was pitiful, ungenerous, and unjust. To this remonstrance
+the officer made no reply, but shrugged up his shoulders in silent
+astonishment at the hardiesse of the prisoner; and the fiacre was just
+on the point of setting out, when they heard the noise of a scuffle at
+the back of the coach, and the voice of Tom Pipes pronouncing, "I'll
+be d--d if I do." This trusty attendant had been desired by one of the
+guards to descend from his station in the rear; but as he resolved to
+share his master's fate, he took no notice of their entreaties, until
+they were seconded by force; and that he endeavoured to repeal with his
+heel, which he applied with such energy to the jaws of the soldier, who
+first came in contact with him, that they emitted a crashing sound like
+a dried walnut between the grinders of a Templar in the pit. Exasperated
+at this outrage, the other saluted Tom's posteriors with his bayonet,
+which incommoded him so much that he could no longer keep his post, but,
+leaping upon the ground, gave his antagonist a chuck under the chin, and
+laid him upon his back, then skipping over him with infinite agility,
+absconded among the crowd of coaches, till he saw the guard mount before
+and behind upon his master's fiacre, which no sooner set forward,
+than he followed at a small distance, to reconnoitre the place where
+Peregrine should be confined. After having proceeded slowly through many
+windings and turnings to a part of Paris, in which Pipes was an utter
+stranger, the coach stopped at a great gate, with a wicket in the
+middle, which, being opened at the approach of the carriage, the
+prisoners were admitted; and, the guard returning with the fiacre, Tom
+determined to watch in that place all night, that, in the morning, he
+might make such observations as might be conducive to the enlargement of
+his master.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVI.
+
+
+
+By the Fidelity of Pipes, Jolter is informed of his Pupil's
+fate--Confers with the Physician--Applies to the Ambassador, who, with
+great difficulty, obtains the Discharge of the Prisoners on certain
+Conditions.
+
+
+This plan he executed, notwithstanding the pain of his wound, and the
+questions of the city-guard, both horse and foot, to which he could make
+no other answer than "Anglais, anglais;" and as soon as it was light,
+taking an accurate survey of the castle (for such it seemed to be)
+into which Peregrine and Pallet had been conveyed, together with its
+situation in respect to the river, he went home to the lodgings, and,
+waking Mr. Jolter, gave him an account of the adventure. The governor
+wrung his hands in the utmost grief and consternation when he heard
+this unfortunate piece of news: he did not doubt that his pupil
+was imprisoned in the Bastille for life; and, in the anguish of his
+apprehension, cursed the day on which he had undertaken to superintend
+the conduct of such an imprudent young man, who had, by reiterated
+insults, provoked the vengeance of such a mild, forbearing
+administration. That he might not, however, neglect any means in his
+power to extricate him from his present misfortune, he despatched Thomas
+to the doctor, with an account of his companion's fate, that they might
+join their interest in behalf of the captives; and the physician, being
+informed of what had happened, immediately dressed himself, and repaired
+to Jolter, whom he accosted in these words:--
+
+"Now, sir, I hope you are convinced of your error in asserting that
+oppression can never be the effect of arbitrary power. Such a calamity
+as this could never have happened under the Athenian democracy: nay,
+even when the tyrant Pisistratus got possession of that commonwealth,
+he durst not venture to rule with such absolute and unjust dominion. You
+shall see now that Mr. Pickle and my friend Pallet will fall a sacrifice
+to the tyranny of lawless power; and, in my opinion, we shall be
+accessory to the ruin of this poor enslaved people if we bestir
+ourselves in demanding or imploring the release of our unhappy
+countrymen; as we may thereby prevent the commission of a flagrant
+crime, which would fill up the vengeance of Heaven against the
+perpetrators, and perhaps be the means of restoring the whole nation to
+the unspeakable fruition of freedom. For my own part, I should rejoice
+to see the blood of my father spilt in such a glorious cause, provided
+such a victim would furnish me with the opportunity of dissolving the
+chains of slavery, and vindicating that liberty which is the birthright
+of man. Then would my name be immortalised among the patriot heroes of
+antiquity, and my memory, like that of Harmodius and Aristogiton, be
+honoured by statues erected at the public expense."
+
+This rhapsody, which was delivered with great emphasis and agitation,
+gave so much offence to Jolter, that, without saying one word, he
+retired in great wrath to his own chamber; and the republican returned
+to his lodging, in full hope of his prognostic being verified in the
+death and destruction of Peregrine and the painter, which must give rise
+to some renowned revolution, wherein he himself would act a principal
+part. But the governor whose imagination was not quite so warm and
+prolific, went directly to the ambassador, whom he informed of his
+pupil's situation, and besought to interpose with the French ministry,
+that he and the other British subject might obtain their liberty.
+
+His excellency asked, if Jolter could guess at the cause of his
+imprisonment, that he might be the better prepared to vindicate or
+excuse his conduct: but neither he nor Pipes could give the smallest
+hint of intelligence on that subject; though he furnished himself from
+Tom's own mouth with a circumstantial account of the manner in which
+his master had been arrested, as well as of his own behaviour, and the
+disaster he had received on that occasion. His lordship never doubted
+that Pickle had brought this calamity upon himself by some unlucky
+prank he had played at the masquerade; when he understood that the young
+gentleman had drunk freely in the afternoon, and been so whimsical as to
+go thither with a man in woman's apparel; and he that same day waited on
+the French minister, in full confidence of obtaining his discharge; but
+met with more difficulty than he expected, the court of France being
+extremely punctilious in everything that concerns a prince of the blood:
+the ambassador was therefore obliged to talk in very high terms; and,
+though the present circumstances of the French politics would not allow
+them to fall out with the British administration for trifles, all the
+favour he could procure was to promise that Pickle should L set at
+liberty, provided he would ask pardon of the prince to whom he had given
+offence.
+
+His excellency thought this was but a reasonable condescension,
+supposing Peregrine to have been in the wrong; and Jolter was admitted
+to him in order to communicate and reinforce his lordship's advice,
+which was, that he comply with the terms proposed. The governor, who
+did not enter this gloomy fortress without fear and trembling, found
+his pupil in a dismal apartment, void of all furniture but a stool and
+a truckle-bed. The moment he was admitted, he perceived the youth
+whistling with great unconcern, and working with his pencil at the bare
+wall, on which he had delineated a ludicrous figure labelled with the
+name of the nobleman, whom he had affronted, and an English mastiff with
+his leg lifted up, in the attitude of making water in his shoe. He
+had been even so presumptuous as to explain the device with satirical
+inscriptions in the French language, which, when Jolter perused, his
+hair stood on end with affright. The very turnkey was confounded and
+overawed by the boldness of his behaviour, which he had never seen
+matched by any inhabitant of that place; and actually joined his friend
+in persuading him to submit to the easy demand of the minister. But our
+hero, far from embracing the counsel of this advocate, handed him to the
+door with great ceremony, and dismissed him with a kick on the breeches;
+and, to all the supplications, and even tears of Jolter, made no other
+reply than that he would stoop to no condescension, because he had
+committed no crime, but would leave his case to the cognisance and
+exertion of the British court, whose duty it was to see justice done to
+its own subjects: he desired, however, that Pallet, who was confined
+in another place, might avail himself of his own disposition, which
+was sufficiently pliable; but when the governor desired to see his
+fellow-prisoner, the turnkey gave him to understand that he had received
+no orders relating to the lady, and therefore could not admit him into
+her apartment; though he was complaisant enough to tell him that she
+seemed very much mortified at her confinement, and at certain times
+behaved as if her brain was not a little disordered.
+
+Jolter, thus baffled in all his endeavours, quitted the Bastille with a
+heavy heart, and reported his fruitless negotiation to the ambassador,
+who could not help breaking forth into some acrimonious expressions
+against the obstinacy and insolence of the young man, who, he said,
+deserved to suffer for his folly. Nevertheless, he did not desist
+from his representations to the French ministry, which he found so
+unyielding, that he was obliged to threaten, in plain terms, to make it
+a national concern; and not only wrote to his court for instructions,
+but even advised the council to make reprisals, and send some French
+gentleman in London to the Tower.
+
+This intimation had an effect upon the ministry at Versailles, who,
+rather than run the risk of incensing a people whom it was neither
+their interest nor inclination to disoblige, consented to discharge the
+offenders, on condition that they should leave Paris in three days after
+their enlargement. This proposal was readily agreed to by Peregrine, who
+was now a little more tractable, and heartily tired of being cooped
+up in such an uncomfortable abode, for the space of three long days,
+without any sort of communication or entertainment but that which his
+own imagination suggested.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine makes himself Merry at the Expense of the Painter, who curses
+his Landlady, and breaks with the Doctor.
+
+
+As he could easily conceive the situation of his companion in adversity,
+he was unwilling to leave the place until he had reaped some diversion
+from his distress, and with that view repaired to the dungeon of the
+afflicted painter, to which he had by this time free access. When
+he entered, the first object that presented itself to his eye was so
+uncommonly ridiculous, that he could scarce preserve that gravity of
+countenance which he had affected in order to execute the joke he had
+planned. The forlorn Pallet sat upright in his bed in a deshabille that
+was altogether extraordinary. He had laid aside his monstrous hoop,
+together with his stays, gown, and petticoat, wrapped his lappets
+about his head by way of nightcap, and wore his domino as a loose
+morning-dress; his grizzled locks hung down about his lack-lustre
+eyes and tawny neck, in all the disorder of negligence; his gray beard
+bristled about half-an-inch through the remains of the paint with
+which his visage had been bedaubed, and every feature of his face was
+lengthened to the most ridiculous expression of grief and dismay.
+
+Seeing Peregrine come in, he started up in a sort of frantic ecstasy,
+and, running towards him with open arms, no sooner perceived the woeful
+appearance into which our hero had modelled his physiognomy, than he
+stopped short all of a sudden, and the joy which had begun to take
+possession of his heart was in a moment dispelled by the most rueful
+presages; so that he stood in a most ludicrous posture of dejection,
+like a malefactor at the Old Bailey, when sentence is about to be
+pronounced. Pickle, taking him by the hand, heaved a profound sigh; and
+after having protested that he was extremely mortified at being pitched
+upon as the messenger of bad news, told him, with an air of sympathy and
+infinite concern, that the French court, having discovered his sex, had
+resolved, in consideration of the outrageous indignity he offered
+in public to a prince of the blood, to detain him in the Bastille a
+prisoner for life; and that this sentence was a mitigation obtained by
+the importunities of the British ambassador, the punishment ordained by
+law being no other than breaking alive upon the wheel.
+
+These tidings aggravated the horrors of the painter to such a degree
+that he roared aloud, and skipped about the room in all the extravagance
+of distraction, taking God and man to witness, that he would rather
+suffer immediate death than endure one year's imprisonment in such a
+hideous place; and cursing the hour of his birth, and the moment on
+which he departed from his own country. "For my own part," said his
+tormentor, in a hypocritical tone, "I was obliged to swallow the bitter
+pill of making submission to the prince, who, as I had not presumed to
+strike him, received acknowledgments, in consequence of which I shall
+be this day set at liberty; and there is even one expedient left for the
+recovery of your freedom--it is, I own, a disagreeable remedy, but one
+had better undergo a little mortification than be for ever wretched.
+Besides, upon second thoughts, I begin to imagine that you will not for
+such a trifle sacrifice yourself to the unceasing horrors of a dungeon;
+especially as your condescension will in all probability be attended
+with advantages which you could not otherwise enjoy." Pallet,
+interrupting him with great eagerness, begged for the love of God that
+he would no longer keep him in the torture of suspense, but mention
+that same remedy, which he was resolved to follow, let it be ever so
+unpalatable.
+
+Peregrine, having thus played upon his passions of fear and hope,
+answered, "that as the offence was committed in the habit of a woman,
+which was a disguise unworthy of the other sex, the French court was of
+opinion that the delinquent should be reduced to the neuter gender; so
+that there was no alternative at his own option, by which he had it in
+his power to regain immediate freedom."--"What!" cried the painter, in
+despair, "become a singer? Gadzooks! and the devil and all that! I'll
+rather be still where I am, and let myself be devoured by vermin." Then
+thrusting out his throat--"Here is my windpipe," said he; "be so good,
+my dear friend, as to give it a slice or two: if you don't, I shall
+one of these days be found dangling in my garters. What an unfortunate
+rascal I am! What a blockhead, and a beast, and a fool, was I to trust
+myself among such a barbarous ruffian race! Lord forgive you, Mr.
+Pickle, for having been the immediate cause of my disaster. If you had
+stood by me from the beginning, according to your promise, I should not
+have been teased by that coxcomb who has brought me to this pass. And
+why did I put on this d--d unlucky dress? Lord curse that chattering
+Jezebel of a landlady, who advised such a preposterous disguise!--a
+disguise which has not only brought me to this pass, but also rendered
+me abominable to myself, and frightful to others; for when I this
+morning signified to the turnkey that I wanted to be shaved, he looked
+at my beard with astonishment, and, crossing himself, muttered his Pater
+Noster, believing me, I suppose, to be a witch, or something worse. And
+Heaven confound that loathsome banquet of the ancients, which provoked
+me to drink too freely, that I might wash away the taste of that
+accursed sillikicaby."
+
+Our young gentleman, having heard this lamentation to an end, excused
+himself for his conduct by representing that he could not possibly
+foresee the disagreeable consequences that attended it; and in the
+mean time strenuously counselled him to submit to the terms of his
+enlargement. He observed that he was now arrived at that time of life
+when the lusts of the flesh should be entirely mortified within him, and
+his greatest concern ought to be the of his soul, to which nothing could
+more effectually contribute than the amputation which was proposed; that
+his body, as well as his mind, would profit by the change; because he
+would have no dangerous appetite to gratify, and no carnal thoughts to
+divert him from the duties of his profession; and his voice, which was
+naturally sweet, would improve to such a degree, that he would captivate
+the ears of all the people of fashion and taste, and in a little time be
+celebrated under the appellation of the English Senesino.
+
+These arguments did not fail to make impression upon the painter, who
+nevertheless started two objections to his compliance; namely, the
+disgrace of the punishment, and the dread of his wife. Pickle undertook
+to obviate these difficulties, by assuring him that the sentence would
+be executed so privately as never to transpire: and that his wife could
+not be so unconscionable, after so many years of cohabitation, as to
+take exceptions to an expedient by which she would not only enjoy the
+conversation of her husband, but even the fruits of those talents which
+the knife would so remarkably refine.
+
+Pallet shook his hand at this last remonstrance, as if he thought it
+would not be altogether convincing to his spouse, but yielded to the
+proposal, provided her consent could be obtained. Just as he signified
+this condescension, the jailer entered, and addressing himself to the
+supposed lady, expressed his satisfaction in having the honour to tell
+her that she was no longer a prisoner. As the painter did not understand
+one word of what he said, Peregrine undertook the office of interpreter,
+and made his friend believe the jailer's speech was no other than an
+intimation that the ministry had sent a surgeon to execute what was
+proposed, and that the instruments and dressings were prepared in the
+next room. Alarmed and terrified at this sudden appointment, he flew
+to the other end of the room, and, snatching up an earthen chamber-pot,
+which was the only offensive weapon in the place, put himself in a
+posture of defence, and with many oaths threatened to try the temper
+of the barber's skull, if he should presume to set his nose within the
+apartment.
+
+The jailer, who little expected such a reception, concluded that
+the poor gentlewoman had actually lost her wits, and retreated with
+precipitation, leaving the door open as he went out; upon which Pickle,
+gathering up the particulars of his dress with great despatch, crammed
+them into Pallet's arms, and taking notice that now the coast was clear,
+exhorted him to follow his footsteps to the gate, where a hackney-coach
+stood for his reception. There being no time for hesitation, the painter
+took his advice; and, without quitting the utensil, which in his hurry
+he forgot to lay down, sallied out in the rear of our hero, with all the
+wildness of terror and impatience which may be reasonably supposed to
+take possession of a man who flies from perpetual imprisonment. Such was
+the tumult of his agitation, that his faculty of thinking was for the
+present utterly overwhelmed, and he saw no object but his conductor,
+whom he followed by a sort of instinctive impulse, without regarding the
+keepers and sentinels, who, as he passed with his clothes under one arm,
+and his chamber-pot brandished above his head, were confounded, and even
+dismayed, at the strange apparition.
+
+During the whole course of this irruption, he ceased nor to cry, with
+great vociferation, "Drive, coachman, drive, in the name of God!"
+and the carriage had proceeded the length of a whole street before he
+manifested the least sign of reflection, but stared like the Gorgon's
+head, with his mouth wide open, and each particular hair crawling
+and twining like an animated serpent. At length, however, he began to
+recover the use of his senses, and asked if Peregrine thought him
+now out of all danger of being retaken. This unrelenting wag, not yet
+satisfied with the affliction he imposed upon the sufferer, answered,
+with an air of doubt and concern, that he hoped they would not be
+overtaken, and prayed to God they might not be retarded by a stop
+of carriages. Pallet fervently joined in this supplication; and they
+advanced a few yards farther, when the noise of a coach at full speed
+behind them invaded their ears; and Pickle, having looked out of the
+window, withdrew his head in seeming confusion, and exclaimed, "Lord
+have mercy upon us! I wish that may not be a guard sent after us.
+Methinks I saw the muzzle of a fusil sticking out of the coach." The
+painter, hearing these tidings, that instant thrust himself half out
+at the window, with his helmet still in his hand, bellowing to the
+coachman, as loud as he could roar, "Drive, d-- ye, dive to the gates
+of Jericho and the ends of the earth! Drive, you ragamuffin, you
+rascallion, you hell-hound! Drive us to the pit Of hell, rather than we
+should be taken!"
+
+Such a phantom could not pass without attracting the curiosity of the
+people, who ran to their doors and windows, in order to behold this
+object of admiration. With the same view, that coach, which was supposed
+to be in pursuit of him, stopped just as the windows of each happened to
+be opposite; and Pallet, looking behind, and seeing three men standing
+upon the footboard armed with canes, which his fear converted into
+fusils, never doubted that his friend's suspicion was just, but, shaking
+his Jordan at the imaginary guard, swore he would sooner die than part
+with his precious ware. The owner of the coach, who was a nobleman of
+the first quality, mistook him for some unhappy woman deprived of her
+senses: and, ordering his coachman to proceed, convinced the fugitive,
+to his infinite joy, that this was no more than a false alarm. He was
+not, for all that, freed from anxiety and trepidation; but our young
+gentleman, fearing his brain would not bear a repetition of the
+same joke, permitted him to gain his own lodgings without further
+molestation.
+
+His landlady, meeting him on the stair, was so affected at his
+appearance, that she screamed aloud, and betook herself to flight; while
+he, cursing her with greet bitterness, rushed into the apartment to
+the doctor, who, instead of receiving him with cordial embraces, and
+congratulating him upon his deliverance, gave evident signs of umbrage
+and discontent; and even plainly told him, he hoped to have heard that
+he and Mr. Pickle had acted the glorious part of Cato; an event which
+would have laid the foundation of such noble struggles, as could not
+fail to end in happiness and freedom; and that he had already made
+some progress in an ode that would have immortalised their names, and
+inspired the flame of liberty in every honest breast. "There," said
+he, "I would have proved, that great talents, and high sentiments of
+liberty, do reciprocally produce and assist each other; and illustrated
+my assertions with such notes and quotations from the Greek writers, as
+would have opened the eyes of the most blind and unthinking, and touched
+the most callous and obdurate heart. 'O fool! to think the man, whose
+ample mind must grasp whatever yonder stars survey'--Pray, Mr. Pellet,
+what is your opinion of that image of the mind's grasping the whole
+universe? For my own part, I can't help thinking it the most happy
+conception that ever entered my imagination."
+
+The painter, who was not such a flaming enthusiast in the cause of
+liberty, could not brook the doctor's reflections, which he thought
+savoured a little too much of indifference and deficiency in point of
+private friendship; and therefore seized the present opportunity of
+mortifying his pride, by observing, that the image was, without all
+doubt, very grand and magnificent; but that he had been obliged for the
+idea to Mr. Bayes in "The Rehearsal," who values himself upon the same
+figure, conveyed in these words, "But all these clouds, when by the eye
+of reason grasp'd, etc." Upon any other occasion, the painter would
+have triumphed greatly upon this detection; but such was the flutter and
+confusion of his spirits, under the apprehension of being retaken, that,
+without further communication, he retreated to his own room, in order to
+resume his own dress, which he hoped would alter his appearance in such
+a manner as to baffle all search and examination; while the physician
+remained ashamed and abashed, to find himself convinced of bombast by
+a person of such contemptible talents. He was offended at this proof
+of his memory, and so much enraged at his presumption in exhibiting
+it, that he could never forgive his want of reverence, and took every
+opportunity of exposing his ignorance and folly in the sequel. Indeed,
+the ties of private affection were too weak to engage the heart of this
+republican, whose zeal for the community had entirely swallowed up
+his concern for individuals. He looked upon particular friendship as a
+passion unworthy of his ample soul, and was a professed admirer of L.
+Manlius, Junius Brutus, and those later patriots of the same name,
+who shut their ears against the cries of nature, and resisted all the
+dictates of gratitude and humanity.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLVIII.
+
+
+
+Pallet conceives a hearty Contempt for his Fellow-traveller, and
+attaches himself to Pickle, who, nevertheless, persecutes him with his
+mischievous Talent upon the Road to Flanders.
+
+
+In the mean time, his companion, having employed divers pailfuls of
+water in cleansing himself from the squalor of jail, submitted his face
+to the barber, tinged his eye-brows with a sable hue, and, being dressed
+in his own clothes, ventured to visit Peregrine, who was still under the
+hands of his valet-de-chambre, and who gave him to understand that his
+escape had been connived at, and that the condition of their deliverance
+was their departure from Paris in three days.
+
+The painter was transported with joy, when he learned that he ran
+no risk of being retaken, and, far from repining at the terms of his
+enlargement, would have willingly set out on his return to England that
+same afternoon; for the Bastille had made such an impression upon him,
+that he started at the sound of every coach, and turned pale at the
+sight of a French soldier. In the fulness of his heart, he complained of
+the doctor's indifference, and related what had passed at their meeting
+with evident marks of resentment and disrespect; which were not at all
+diminished, when Jolter informed him of the physician's behaviour
+when he sent for him, to confer about the means of abridging their
+confinement. Pickle himself was incensed at his want of bowels; and,
+perceiving how much he had sank in the opinion of his fellow-traveller,
+resolved to encourage these sentiments of disgust, and occasionally
+foment the division to a downright quarrel, which he foresaw would
+produce some diversion, and perhaps expose the poet's character in
+such a light, as would effectually punish him for his arrogance and
+barbarity. With this view, he leveled several satirical jokes at the
+doctor's pedantry and want of taste, which had appeared so conspicuous
+in the quotation he had got by heart, from ancient authors; in his
+affected disdain of the best pictures of the world, which, had he been
+endowed with the least share of discernment, he could not have beheld
+with such insensibility; and, lastly, in his ridiculous banquet, which
+none but an egregious coxcomb, devoid of all elegance and sense, would
+have prepared, or presented to rational beings. In a word, our young
+gentleman played the artillery of his wit against him with such success,
+that the painter seemed to wake from a dream, and went home with the
+most hearty contempt for the person he had formerly adored.
+
+Instead of using the privilege of a friend, to enter his apartment
+without ceremony, he sent in his servant with a message, importing,
+that he intended to set out from Paris the next day, in company with
+Mr. Pickle; and desiring to know whether or not he was, or would be,
+prepared for the journey. The doctor, struck with the manner as well
+as the matter of this intimation, went immediately to Pallet's room and
+demanded to know the cause of such a sudden determination without his
+privity or concurrence; and when he understood the necessity of their
+affairs, rather than travel by himself, he ordered his baggage to be
+packed up, and signified his readiness to conform to the emergency of
+the case; though he was not at all pleased with the cavalier behaviour
+of Pallet, to whom he threw out some hints on his own importance, and
+the immensity of his condescension in favouring him with such marks of
+regard. But by this time these insinuations had lost their effect upon
+the painter who told him, with an arch sneer, that he did not at all
+question his learning and abilities, and particularly his skill in
+cookery, which he should never forget while his palate retained its
+function; but nevertheless advised him, for the sake of the degenerate
+eaters of these days, to spare a little of his sal ammoniac in the next
+sillykicaby he should prepare; and abate somewhat of the devil's dung,
+which he had so plentifully crammed into the roasted fowls, unless he
+had a mind to convert his guests into patients, with a view of licking
+himself whole for the expense of the entertainment.
+
+The physician, nettled at these sarcasms, eyed him with a look of
+indignation and disdain; and, being, unwilling to express himself in
+English, lest, in the course of the altercation, Pallet should be so
+much irritated as to depart without him, he vented his anger in Greek.
+The painter, though by the sound he supposed this quotation to be Greek,
+complimented his friend upon his knowledge in the Welsh language, and
+found means to rally him quite out of temper; so that he retired to
+his own chamber in the utmost wrath and mortification, and left his
+antagonist exulting over the victory he had won.
+
+While these things passed between these originals, Peregrine waited
+upon the ambassador, whom he thanked for his kind interposition,
+acknowledging the indiscretion of his own conduct with such appearance
+of conviction and promises of reformation, that his excellency freely
+forgave him for all the trouble he had been put to on his account,
+fortified him with sensible advices and, assuring him of his continual
+favour and friendship, gave him at parting, letters of introduction to
+several persons of quality belonging to the British court.
+
+Thus distinguished, our young gentleman took leave of all his French
+acquaintance, and spent the evening with some of those who had enjoyed
+the greatest share of his intimacy and confidence; while Jolter
+superintended his domestic concerns, and with infinite joy bespoke a
+post-chaise and horse, in order to convey him from a place where
+he lived in continual apprehension of suffering by the dangerous
+disposition of his pupil. Everything being adjusted according to their
+plan, they and their fellow-travellers next day dined together, and
+about four in the afternoon took their departure in two chaises,
+escorted by the valet-de-chambre, Pipes, and the doctor's lacquey on
+horseback, well furnished with arms and ammunition, in case of being
+attacked by robbers on the road.
+
+It was about eleven o'clock at night when they arrived at Senlis, which
+was the place at which they proposed to lodge, and where they were
+obliged to knock up the people of the inn, before they could have
+their supper prepared. All the provision in the house was but barely
+sufficient to furnish one indifferent meal: however, the painter
+consoled himself for the quantity with the quality of the dishes, one of
+which was a fricassee of rabbit, a preparation that he valued above
+all the dainties that ever smoked upon the table of the sumptuous
+Heliogabalus.
+
+He had no sooner expressed himself to this effect, than our hero,
+who almost incessantly laying traps for diversion at his neighbour's
+expense, laid hold on the declaration; and, recollecting the story of
+Scipio and the muleteer in Gil Blas, resolved to perpetrate a joke upon
+the stomach of Pallet, which seemed well disposed to a hearty supper.
+He, accordingly, digested his plan; and the company being seated at
+table, affected to stare with peculiar eagerness at the painter, who had
+helped himself to a large portion of the fricassee, and began to swallow
+it with infinite relish. Pallet, notwithstanding the keenness of his
+appetite, could not help taking notice of Pickle's demeanour; and,
+making a short pause in the exercise of his grinders, "You are
+surprised," said he, "to see me make so much despatch; but I was
+extremely hungry, and this is one of the best fricassees I ever tasted:
+the French are very expert in these dishes, that I must allow; and, upon
+my conscience, I would never desire to eat a more delicate rabbit than
+this that lies upon my plate."
+
+Peregrine made no other reply to this encomium, than the repetition of
+the word rabbit, with a note of admiration, and such a significant shake
+of the head, as effectually alarmed the other, who instantly suspended
+the action of his jaws, and, with the morsel half chewed in his mouth,
+stared round him with a certain stolidity of apprehension, which
+is easier conceived than described; until his eyes encountered the
+countenance of Thomas Pipes, who, being instructed, and posted opposite
+to him for the occasion, exhibited an arch grin, that completed the
+painter's disorder. Afraid of swallowing his mouthful, and ashamed to
+dispose of it any other way, he sat some time in a most distressed state
+of suspense; and being questioned by Mr. Jolter touching his calamity,
+made a violent effort of the muscles of his gullet, which with
+difficulty performed their office; and then, with great confusion and
+concern, asked if Mr. Pickle suspected the rabbit's identity. The young
+gentleman, assuming a mysterious air, pretended ignorance of the matter,
+observing that he was apt to suspect all dishes of that kind, since he
+had been informed of the tricks which were commonly played at inns
+in France, Italy, and Spain; and recounted three passage in Gil Blas,
+which we have hinted it above, saying, he did not pretend to be a
+connoisseur in animals, but the legs of the creature which composed that
+diet which composed the fricassee, did not, in his opinion, resemble
+those of the rabbits he had usually seen. This observation had an
+evident effect upon the features of the painter, who, with certain signs
+of loathing and astonishment, exclaimed, "Lord Jesus!" and appealed to
+Pipes for the discovery of the truth by asking if he knew anything
+of the affair. Tom very gravely replied, "he did suppose the food
+was wholesome enough, for he had seen the skin and feet of a special
+ram-cat, new flayed, hanging upon the door of a small pantry adjoining
+to the kitchen."
+
+Before this sentence was uttered, Pallet's belly seemed to move in
+contact with his back-bone, his colour changed, no part but the whites
+of his eyes were to be seen, he dropped his lower jaw, and, fixing his
+hands in his sides, retched with such convulsive agonies, as amazed and
+disconcerted the whole company: and what augmented his disorder, was
+the tenacious retention of the stomach, which absolutely refused to part
+with its contents, notwithstanding all the energy of his abhorrence,
+which threw him into a cold sweat, and almost into a swoon.
+
+Pickle, alarmed at his condition, assured him it was a genuine rabbit,
+and that he had tutored Pipes to say otherwise for the joke's sake.
+But this confession he considered as a friendly artifice of Pickle's
+compassion, and therefore it had little effect upon his constitution. By
+the assistance, however, of a large bumper of brandy, his spirits were
+recruited, and his recollection so far recovered, that he was able to
+declare, with divers contortions of face, that the dish had a rankness
+of taste, which he had imparted partly to the nature of the French
+covey, and partly to the composition of their sauces; then he inveighed
+against the infamous practices of French publicans, attributing
+such imposition to their oppressive government, which kept them so
+necessitous, that they were tempted to exercise all manner of knavery
+upon their unwary guests.
+
+Jolter, who could not find in his heart to let slip any opportunity of
+speaking in favour of the French, told him, that he was a very great
+stranger to their police; else he would know, that if, upon information
+to the magistrate, it should appear that any traveller, native or
+foreigner, had been imposed upon or ill-treated by a publican, the
+offender would be immediately obliged to shut up his house; and, if his
+behaviour had been notorious, he himself would be sent to the galleys,
+without the least hesitation: "and as for the dish which has been made
+the occasion of your present disorder," said he, "I will take upon me
+to affirm it was prepared of a genuine rabbit, which was skinned in my
+presence; and, in confirmation of what I assert, though such fricassees
+are not the favourites of my taste, I will eat a part of this without
+scruple."
+
+So saying, he swallowed several mouthfuls of the questioned coney, and
+Pallet seemed to eye it again with inclination; nay, he even resumed his
+knife and fork; and being just on the point of applying them, was seized
+with another qualm of apprehension, that broke out in an exclamation of,
+"After all, Mr. Jolter, if it should be a real ram-cat? Lord have mercy
+upon me! here is one of the claws." With these words he presented the
+tip of a toe, of which Pipes had snipped off five or six from a duck
+that was roasted, and purposely scattered them in the fricassee: and
+the governor could not behold this testimonial without symptoms of
+uneasiness and remorse; so that he and the painter sat silenced and
+abashed, and made faces at each other, while the physician, who hated
+them both, exulted over their affliction, bidding them be of good cheer,
+and proceed with their meal; for he was ready to demonstrate, that
+the flesh of a cat was as nourishing and delicious as veal or mutton,
+provided they could prove that the said cat was not of the boar kind,
+and had fed chiefly on vegetable diet, or even confined its carnivorous
+appetite to rats and mice, which he affirmed to be dainties of exquisite
+taste and flavour. He said, it was a vulgar mistake to think that
+all flesh-devouring creatures were unfit to be eaten: witness the
+consumption of swine and ducks, animals that delight in carriage as
+well as fish, and prey upon each other, and feed on bait and carrion;
+together with the demand for bear, of which the best hams in the world
+are made. He then observed that the negroes on the coast of Guinea, who
+are healthy and vigorous people, prefer cats and dogs to all other
+fare; and mentioned from history several sieges, during which the
+inhabitants, who were blocked up, lived upon these animals, and had
+recourse even to human flesh, which, to his certain knowledge, was in
+all respects preferable to pork; for, in the course of his studies, he
+had, for the experiment's sake, eaten a steak cut from the buttock of a
+person who had been hanged.
+
+This dissertation, far from composing, increased the disquiet in
+the stomachs of the governor and painter, who, hearing the last
+illustration, turned their eyes upon the orator, at the same instant,
+with looks of horror and disgust; and the one muttering the term
+"cannibal," and the other pronouncing the word "abomination," they rose
+from table in a great hurry, and running towards another apartment,
+jostled with such violence in the passage, that both were overturned
+by the shock, which also contributed to the effect of their nausea that
+mutually defiled them as they lay.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XLIX.
+
+
+
+Nor is the Physician sacred from his Ridicule--They reach Arras, where
+our Adventurer engages in Play with two French Officers, who, next
+Morning, give the Landlord an interesting Proof of their Importance.
+
+
+The doctor remained sullen and dejected during the whole journey: not
+but that he attempted to recover his importance by haranguing upon the
+Roman highways, when Mr. Jolter desired the company to take notice of
+the fine pavement upon which they travelled from Paris into Flanders;
+but Pallet, who thought he had now gained the ascendency over the
+physician, exerted himself in maintaining the superiority he had
+acquired, by venting various sarcasms upon his self-conceit and
+affectation of learning, and even tittering puns and conundrums upon the
+remarks which the republican retailed. When he talked of the Flaminian
+Way, the painter questioned if it was a better pavement than the
+Fleminian Way on which they travelled: and the doctor having observed,
+that this road was made for the convenience of drawing the French
+artillery into Flanders, which was often the seat of war, his competitor
+in wit replied, with infinite vivacity, "There are more great guns than
+the French king knows of drawn along this causeway, doctor."
+
+Encouraged by the success of these efforts, which tickled the
+imagination of Jolter, and drew smiles (as he imagined) of approbation
+from our hero, he sported in many other equivoques of the same nature;
+and at dinner, told the physician, that he was like the root of the
+tongue, as being cursedly down in the mouth.
+
+By this time, such was the animosity subsisting between these quondam
+friends, that they never conversed together, except with a view
+of exposing each other to the ridicule or contempt of their
+fellow-travellers. The doctor was at great pains to point out the folly
+and ignorance of Pallet in private to Peregrine, who was often conjured
+in the same manner by the painter, to take notice of the physician's
+want of manners and taste. Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the truth
+of their mutual severity, which, indeed, was extremely just; and by
+malicious insinuations blew up their contention, with a view of bringing
+it to open hostility. But both seemed so averse to deeds of mortal
+purpose, that for a long time his arts were baffled, and he could
+not spirit them up to any pitch of resentment higher than scurrilous
+repartee.
+
+Before they reached Arras, the city gates were shut, so that they
+were obliged to take up their lodgings at an indifferent house in the
+suburbs, where they found a couple of French officers, who had also rode
+post from Paris so far on their way to Lisle. These gentlemen were about
+the age of thirty, and their deportment distinguished by such an air
+of insolence, as disgusted our hero, who, nevertheless, accosted them
+politely in the yard, and proposed that they should sup together. They
+thanked him for the honour of his invitation, which, however, they
+declined upon pretence of having ordered something for themselves;
+but promised to wait upon him and his company immediately after their
+repast.
+
+This they accordingly performed; and, after having drunk a few glasses
+of Burgundy, one of them asked, if the young gentleman would, for
+pastime, take a hand at quadrille. Peregrine easily divined the meaning
+of this proposal, which was made with no other view than that of
+fleecing him and his fellow-travellers; for he well knew to what shifts
+a subaltern in the French service is reduced, in order to maintain the
+appearance of a gentleman, and had reason to believe that most of them
+were sharpers from their youth: but, as he depended a good deal upon his
+own penetration and address, he gratified the stranger's desire; and a
+party was instantly formed of the painter, the physician, the proposer,
+and himself, the other officer having professed himself utterly ignorant
+of the game; in the course of the play, he took his station at the back
+of Pickle's chair, which was opposite to his friend, on pretence of
+amusing himself with seeing his manner of conducting the cards. The
+youth was not such a novice but that he perceived the design of this
+palpable piece of behaviour, which, notwithstanding, he overlooked for
+the present, with a view of flattering their hopes in the beginning,
+that they might be the more effectually punished by their disappointment
+in the end.
+
+The game was scarce begun, when, by the reflection of a glass, he
+discerned the officer at his back making signs to his companion, who,
+by preconcerted gestures, was perfectly informed of the contents of
+Peregrine's hand, and, of consequence, fortunate in the course of play.
+Thus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits of their dexterity, until
+their money amounted to some louis; when our young gentleman, thinking
+it high time to do himself justice, signified in very polite terms to
+the gentleman who stood behind him, that he could never play with ease
+and deliberation when he was overlooked by any bystander, and begged
+that he would have the goodness to be seated.
+
+As this was a remonstrance which the stranger could not, with my show
+of breeding, resist, he asked pardon, and retired to the chair of the
+physician, who frankly told him, that it was not the fashion of his
+country for one to submit his hand to the perusal of a spectator; and
+when, in consequence of this rebuff, he wanted to quarter himself upon
+the painter, he was refused by a wave of the hand, and shake of the
+head, with an exclamation of pardonnez moi; which was repeated with such
+emphasis, as discomposed this effrontery; and he found himself obliged
+to sit down in a state of mortification.
+
+The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded in her usual channel;
+and though the Frenchman, deprived of his ally, endeavoured to practise
+divers strokes of finesse, the rest of the company observed him with
+such vigilance and caution, as baffled all his attempts, and in a very
+little time he was compelled to part with his winning: but, having
+engaged in the match with an intention of taking all advantages,
+whether fair or unfair, that his superior skill should give him over the
+Englishman, the money was not refunded without a thousand disputes, in
+the course of which he essayed to intimidate his antagonist with high
+words, which were retorted by our hero with such interest as convinced
+him that he had mistaken his man, and persuaded him to make his retreat
+in quiet. Indeed, it was not without cause that they repined at the
+bad success of their enterprise; because, in all likelihood, they had
+nothing to depend upon for the present but their own industry, and knew
+not how to defray their expenses on the road, except by some acquisition
+of this kind.
+
+Next morning they rose at daybreak, and resolving to anticipate their
+fellow-lodgers, bespoke post-horses as soon as they could be admitted
+into the city; so that, when our company appeared, their beasts were
+ready in the yard, and they only waited to discuss the bill, which they
+had ordered to be made out. The landlord of the inn presented his carte
+with fear and trembling to one of those ferocious cavaliers, who no
+sooner cast his eye upon the sum total, than he discharged a volley of
+dreadful oaths, and asked if the king's officers were to be treated in
+that manner? The poor publican protested, with great humility, that he
+had the utmost respect for his majesty, and everything that belonged to
+him; and that, far from consulting his own interest, all that he desired
+was, to be barely indemnified for the expense of their lodging.
+
+This condescension seemed to have no other effect than that of
+encouraging their arrogance. They swore his extortion should be
+explained to the commandant of the town, who would, by making him a
+public example, teach other innkeepers how to behave towards men of
+honour; and threatened with such confidence of indignation, that the
+wretched landlord, dreading the consequence of their wrath, implored
+pardon in the most abject manner, begging, with many supplications, that
+he might have the pleasure of lodging them at his own charge. This was
+a favour which he with great difficulty obtained: they chid him severely
+for his imposition; exhorted him to have more regard for his own
+conscience, as well as to the convenience of his guests; and, cautioning
+him in particular touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of the army,
+mounted their horses, and rode off in great state, leaving him very
+thankful for having so successfully appeased the choler of two officers,
+who wanted either inclination or ability to pay their bill; for
+experience had taught him to be apprehensive of all such travellers, who
+commonly lay the landlord under contribution, by way of atonement
+for the extravagance of his demands, even after he has professed his
+willingness to entertain them on their own terms.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER L.
+
+
+
+Peregrine moralizes upon their Behaviour, which is condemned by the
+Doctor, and defended by the Governor--They arrive in safety at Lisle,
+dine at an Ordinary, visit the Citadel--The Physician quarrels with a
+North Briton, who is put in Arrest.
+
+
+These honourable adventurers being gone, Peregrine, who was present
+during the transaction, informed himself of the particulars from the
+mouth of the innkeeper himself, who took Heaven and the saints to
+witness, that he should have been a loser by their custom, even if
+the bill had been paid: because he was on his guard against their
+objections, and had charged every article at an under price: but such
+was the authority of officers in France, that he durst not dispute
+the least circumstance of their will; for, had the case come under the
+cognizance of the magistrate, he must, in course, have suffered by the
+maxims of their government, which never fail to abet the oppression
+of the army; and, besides, run the risk of incurring their future
+resentment, which would be sufficient to ruin him from top to bottom.
+
+Our hero boiled with indignation at this instance of injustice and
+arbitrary power; and, turning to his governor, asked, if this too was
+a proof of the happiness enjoyed by the French people. Jolter replied,
+that every human constitution must, in some things, be imperfect and
+owned, that in this kingdom, gentlemen were more countenanced than
+the vulgar, because it was to be presumed that their own sentiments
+of honour and superior qualifications would entitle them to this
+pre-eminence, which had also a retrospective view to the merit of their
+ancestors, in consideration of which they were at first ennobled; but he
+affirmed, that the innkeeper had misrepresented the magistracy, which,
+in France, never failed to punish flagrant outrages and abuse, without
+respect of persons.
+
+The painter approved of the wisdom of the French government, in bridling
+the insolence of the mob, by which, he assured them, he had often
+suffered in his own person; having been often bespattered by
+hackney-coachmen, jostled by draymen and porters, and reviled in the
+most opprobrious terms by the watermen of London, where he had once lost
+his bag and a considerable quantity of hair, which had been cut off
+by some rascal in his passage through Ludgate, during the Lord Mayor's
+procession. On the other hand, the doctor with great warmth alleged,
+that those officers ought to suffer death, or banishment at least, for
+having plundered the people in this manner, which was so impudent
+and barefaced, as plainly to prove they were certain of escaping
+with impunity, and that they were old offenders in the same degree of
+delinquency. He said, that the greatest man in Athens would have been
+condemned to perpetual exile, and seen his estate confiscated for public
+use, had he dared in such a licentious manner to violate the rights of
+a fellow-citizen; and as for the little affronts to which a man may
+be subject from the petulance of the multitude, he looked upon them as
+glorious indications of liberty, which ought not to be repressed, and
+would at any time rejoice to find himself overthrown in a kennel by the
+insolence of a son of freedom, even though the fall should cost him a
+limb; adding, by way of illustration, that the greatest pleasure he ever
+enjoyed was in seeing a dustman wilfully overturn a gentleman's coach,
+in which two ladies were bruised, even to the danger of their lives.
+Pallet, shocked at the extravagance of this declaration, "If that be the
+case," said he, "I wish you may see every bone in your body broke by the
+first carman you meet in the streets of London."
+
+This argument being discussed, and the reckoning discharged without any
+deduction, although the landlord, in stating the articles, had an eye
+to the loss he had sustained by his own countrymen, they departed
+from Arras, and arrived in safety at Lisle, about two o'clock in the
+afternoon.
+
+They had scarce taken possession of their lodgings, in a large hotel in
+the Grande Place, when the innkeeper gave them to understand, that
+he kept an ordinary below, which was frequented by several English
+gentlemen who resided in town, and that dinner was then set upon
+the table. Peregrine, who seized all opportunities of observing new
+characters, persuaded his company to dine in public; and they were
+accordingly conducted to the place, where they found a mixture of Scotch
+and Dutch officers, who had come from Holland to learn their exercises
+at the academy, and some gentlemen in the French service, who were upon
+garrison duty in the citadel. Among these last was a person about the
+age of fifty, of a remarkably genteel air and polite address, dignified
+with a Maltese cross, and distinguished by the particular veneration of
+all those who knew him. When he understood that Pickle and his friends
+were travellers, he accosted the youth in English, which he spoke
+tolerably well; and, as they were strangers, offered to attend them in
+the afternoon to all the places worth seeing in Lisle. Our hero thanked
+him for his excess of politeness, which, he said, was peculiar to the
+French nation; and, struck with his engaging appearance, industriously
+courted his conversation, in the course of which he learned that this
+chevalier was a man of good sense and great experience, that he was
+perfectly well acquainted with the greatest part of Europe, had lived
+some years in England, and was no stranger to the constitution and
+genius of that people.
+
+Having dined, and drunk to the healths of the English and French kings,
+two fiacres were called, in one of which the knight, with one of his
+companions, the governor, and Peregrine seated themselves, the other
+being occupied by the physician, Pallet, and two Scottish officers,
+who proposed to accompany them in their circuit. The first place they
+visited was the citadel, round the ramparts of which they walked,
+under the conduct of the knight, who explained with great accuracy the
+intention of every particular fortification belonging to that seemingly
+impregnable fortress; and, when they had satisfied their curiosity,
+took coach again, in order to view the arsenal, which stands in another
+quarter of the town; but, just as Pickle's carriage had crossed the
+promenade, he heard his own name bawled aloud by the painter; and,
+ordering the fiacre to stop, saw Pallet, with one half of his body
+thrust out at the window of the other coach, crying, with a terrified
+look, "Mr. Pickle, Mr. Pickle, the for the love of God halt, and prevent
+bloodshed, else here will be carnage and cutting of throats." Peregrine,
+surprised at this exclamation, immediately alighted, and, advancing to
+the other vehicle, found one of their military companions standing upon
+the ground, at the farther side of the coach, with his sword drawn, and
+fury in his countenance; and the physician, with a quivering lip, and
+haggard aspect, struggling with the other, who had interposed in the
+quarrel, and detained him in his place.
+
+Our young gentleman, upon inquiry, found that this animosity had sprung
+from a dispute that happened upon the ramparts, touching the strength of
+the fortification, which the doctor, according to custom, undervalued,
+because it was a modern work; saying, that by the help of the military
+engines used among the ancients, and a few thousands of pioneers, he
+would engage to take it in less than ten days after he should sit down
+before it. The North Briton, who was as great a pedant as the physician,
+having studied fortification, and made himself master of Caesar's
+Commentaries and Polybius, with the observations of Folard, affirmed,
+that all the methods of besieging practised by the ancients would be
+utterly ineffectual against such a plan as that of the citadel of Lisle;
+and began to compare the vineae, aggeres, arietes, scorpiones, and
+catapultae of the Romans, with the trenches, mines, batteries, and
+mortars used in the present art of war. The republican, finding himself
+attacked upon what he thought his strong side, summoned all his learning
+to his aid; and, describing the famous siege of Plateae, happened to
+misquote a passage of Thucydides, in which he was corrected by the
+other, who, having been educated for the church, was also a connoisseur
+in the Greek language. The doctor, incensed at being detected in such
+a blunder in the presence of Pallet, who, he knew, would promulgate his
+shame, told the officer, with great arrogance, that his objection was
+frivolous, and that he must not pretend to dispute on these matters
+with one who had considered them with the utmost accuracy and care. His
+antagonist, piqued at this supercilious insinuation, replied with
+great heat, that for aught he knew, the doctor might be a very expert
+apothecary, but that in the art of war, and knowledge of the Greek
+tongue, he was no other than an ignorant pretender.
+
+This asseveration produced an answer full of virulence, including a
+national reflection upon the soldier's country; and the contention rose
+to mutual abuse, when it was suppressed by the admonitions of the other
+two, who begged they would not expose themselves in a strange place,
+but behave themselves like fellow-subjects and friends. They accordingly
+ceased reviling each other, and the affair was seemingly forgot;
+but after they had resumed their places in the coach, the painter
+unfortunately asked the meaning of the word tortise, which he had
+heard them mention among the Roman implements of war. This question was
+answered by the physician, who described the nature of this expedient
+so little to the satisfaction of the officer, that he contradicted him
+flatly in the midst of his explanation; a circumstance which provoked
+the republican to such a degree, that, in the temerity of his passion,
+he uttered the epithet, "impertinent scoundrel;" which was no sooner
+pronounced than the Caledonian made manual application to his nose, and,
+leaping out of the coach, stood waiting for him on the plain; while he,
+the physician, made feeble efforts to join him, being easily retained
+by the other soldier; and Pallet, dreading the consequence in which he
+himself might be involved, bellowed aloud for prevention.
+
+Our hero endeavoured to quiet the commotion by representing to the Scot
+that he had already taken satisfaction for the injury he had received,
+and telling the doctor that he had deserved the chastisement which was
+inflicted upon him; but the officer, encouraged perhaps by the confusion
+of his antagonist, insisted upon his asking pardon for what he had said;
+and the doctor, believing himself under the protection of his friend
+Pickle, far from agreeing to such concession, breathed nothing but
+defiance and revenge; so that the chevalier, in order to prevent
+mischief, put the soldier under arrest, and sent him to his lodgings,
+under the care of the other French gentleman and his own companion; they
+being also accompanied by Mr. Jolter, who, having formerly seen all the
+curiosities of Lisle, willingly surrendered his place to the physician.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LI.
+
+
+
+Pickle engages with a Knight of Malta, in a Conversation upon the
+English Stage, which is followed by a Dissertation on the Theatres of
+the Ancients, by the Doctor.
+
+
+The rest of the company proceeded to the arsenal, which having viewed,
+together with some remarkable churches, they, in their return, went to
+the comedy, and saw the Cid of Corneille tolerably well represented. In
+consequence of this entertainment, the discourse at supper turned upon
+dramatic performances; and all the objections of Monsieur Scudery to
+the piece they had seen acted, together with the decision of the French
+Academy, were canvassed and discussed. The knight was a man of letters
+and taste, and particularly well acquainted with the state of the
+English stage; so that when the painter boldly pronounced sentence
+against the French manner of acting, on the strength of having
+frequented a Covent Garden club of critics, and been often admitted, by
+virtue of an order, into the pit; a comparison immediately ensued,
+not between the authors, but the actors of both nations, to whom
+the chevalier and Peregrine were no strangers. Our hero, like a good
+Englishman, made no scruple of giving the preference to the performers
+of his own country, who, he alleged, obeyed the genuine impulses of
+nature, in exhibiting the passions of the human mind; and entered so
+warmly into the spirit of their several parts, that they often fancied
+themselves the very heroes they represented; whereas, the action of
+the Parisian players, even in their most interesting characters, was
+generally such an extravagance in voice and gesture, as is nowhere to
+be observed but on the stage. To illustrate this assertion, he availed
+himself of his talent, and mimicked the manner and voice of all the
+principal performers, male and female, belonging to the French comedy,
+to the admiration of the chevalier, who, having complimented him upon
+this surprising modulation, begged leave to dissent in some particulars
+from the opinion he had avowed.
+
+"That you have good actors in England," said he, "it would be unjust
+and absurd in me to deny; your theatre is adorned by one woman, whose
+sensibility and sweetness of voice is such as I have never observed on
+any other stage; she has besides, an elegance of person and expression
+of features, that wonderfully adapt her for the most engaging characters
+of your best plays; and I must freely own that I have been as highly
+delighted and as deeply affected by a Monimia and Belvidera at London,
+as ever I was by Cornelia and Cleopatra at Paris. Your favourite actor
+is a surprising genius. You can, moreover, boast of several comic actors
+who are perfect masters of buffoonery and grimace; though, to be free
+with you, I think in these qualifications you are excelled by the
+players of Amsterdam. Yet one of your graciosos I cannot admire, in all
+the characters he assumes. His utterance is a continual sing-song,
+like the chanting of vespers; and his action resembles that of heaving
+ballast into the hold of a ship. In his outward deportment he seems to
+have confounded the ideas of insolence and the dignity of mien; acts the
+crafty cool, designing Crookback, as a loud, shallow, blustering Hector;
+in the character of the mild patriot Brutus, loses all temper and
+decorum; nay, so ridiculous is the behaviour of him and Cassius at their
+interview, that, setting foot to foot, and grinning at each other,
+with the aspect of two cobblers engaged, they thrust their left sides
+together, with repeated shoots, that the hilts of their swords may clash
+for the entertainment of the audience; as if they were a couple of merry
+andrews, endeavouring to raise the laugh of the vulgar, on some scaffold
+of Bartholomew Fair. The despair of a great man, who falls a victim to
+the infernal practices of a subtle traitor who enjoyed his confidence,
+this English Aesopus represents, by beating his own forehead, and
+beating like a bull; and, indeed, in almost all his most interesting
+scenes, performs such strange shakings of the head, and other antic
+gesticulations, that when I first saw him act, I imagined the poor man
+laboured under the paralytical disorder, which is known by the name
+of St. Vitus's dance. In short, he seems to be a stranger to the more
+refined sensations of the soul, consequently his expression is of the
+vulgar kind, and he must often sink under the idea of the poet; so that
+he has recourse to such violence of affected agitation, as imposes upon
+the undiscerning spectator; but to the eye of taste, evinces him a mere
+player of that class whom your admired Shakespeare justly compares to
+Nature's journeyman tearing a passion to rags. Yet this man, in spite of
+all these absurdities, is an admirable Falstaff, exhibits the character
+of the eighth Henry to the life, is reasonably applauded in the Plain
+Dealer, excels in the part of Sir John Brute, and would be equal to many
+humorous situations in low comedy, which his pride will not allow him to
+undertake. I should not have been so severe upon this actor, had I not
+seen him extolled by his partisans with the most ridiculous and fulsome
+manifestations of praise, even in those very circumstances wherein (as I
+have observed) he chiefly failed."
+
+Peregrine, not a little piqued to hear the qualifications of such a
+celebrated actor in England treated with such freedom and disrespect,
+answered, with some asperity, that the chevalier was a true critic,
+more industrious in observing the blemishes than in acknowledging the
+excellence of those who fell under his examination.
+
+It was not to be supposed that one actor could shine equally in all
+characters; and though his observations were undoubtedly very judicious,
+he himself could not help wondering that some of them had always escaped
+his notice, though he had been an assiduous frequenter of the
+playhouse. "The player in question," said he, "has, in your own opinion,
+considerable share of merit in the characters of comic life; and as to
+the manners of the great personages in tragedy, and the operation of
+the grand passions of the soul, I apprehend they may be variously
+represented, according to the various complexion and cultivation of
+different men, A Spaniard, for example, though impelled by the same
+passion, will express it very differently from a Frenchman; and what
+is looked upon as graceful vivacity and address by the one, would be
+considered as impertinence and foppery by the other; nay, so opposite is
+your common deportment from that of some other nations, that one of
+our own countrymen, in the relation of his travels, observes, that the
+Persians even of this age, when they see any man perform unnecessary
+gestures, says he is either a fool or Frenchman. The standard of
+demeanour being thus unsettled, a Turk, a Moor, an Indian, or inhabitant
+of my country whose customs and dress are widely different from ours,
+may, in his sentiments, possess all the dignity of the human heart,
+and be inspired by the noblest passion that animates the soul, and yet
+excite the laughter rather than the respect of an European spectator.
+
+"When I first beheld your famous Parisian stage heroine in one of her
+principal parts, her attitudes seemed so violent, and she tossed
+her arms around with such extravagance, that she put me in mind of
+a windmill under the agitation of a hard gale; while her voice and
+features exhibited the lively representation of an English scold. The
+action of your favourite male performer was, in my opinion, equally
+unnatural: he appeared with the affected airs of a dancing-master; at
+the most pathetic junctures of his fate he lifted up his hands above his
+head, like a tumbler going to vault, and spoke as if his throat had
+been obstructed by a hair-brush: yet, when I compared their manners with
+those of the people before whom they performed, and made allowance
+for that exaggeration which obtains on all theatres, I was insensibly
+reconciled to their method of performance, and I could distinguish
+abundance of merit beneath that oddity of appearance."
+
+The chevalier, perceiving Peregrine a little irritated at what he had
+said, asked pardon for the liberty he had taken in censuring the English
+players; assuring him that he had an infinite veneration for the British
+learning, genius, and taste, which were so justly distinguished in
+the world of letters; and that, notwithstanding the severity of his
+criticism, he thought the theatre of London much better supplied with
+actors than that of Paris. The young gentleman thanked him for his
+polite condescension, at which Pallet excited, saying, with a shake of
+the head, "I believe so, too, Monsieur;" and the physician, impatient
+of the dispute in which he had borne no share, observed, with a
+supercilious air, that the modern stage was altogether beneath one who
+had an idea of ancient magnificence and execution; that plays ought to
+be exhibited at the expense of the state, as those of Sophocles were by
+the Athenians; and that proper judges should be appointed for receiving
+or rejecting all such performances as are offered to the public.
+
+He then described the theatre at Rome, which contained eighty thousand
+spectators; gave them a learned disquisition into the nature of the
+persona, or mask, worn by the Roman actors, which, he said, was a
+machine that covered the whole head, furnished on the inside with a
+brazen concavity, that, by reverberating, the sound, as it issued from
+the mouth, raised the voice, so as to render it audible to such an
+extended audience. He explained the difference between the saltator and
+declamator, one of whom acted, while the other rehearsed the part; and
+from thence took occasion to mention the perfection of their pantomimes,
+who were so amazingly distinct in the exercise of their art, that a
+certain prince of Pontus, being at the court of Nero, and seeing one of
+them represent a story, begged him of the emperor, in order to employ
+him as an interpreter among barbarous nations, whose language he did
+not understand. Nay, divers cynic philosophers, who had condemned this
+entertainment unseen, when they chanced to be eye-witnesses of their
+admirable dexterity, expressed their sorrow for having so long debarred
+themselves of such national enjoyment.
+
+He dissented, however, from the opinion of Peregrine, who, as a proof of
+their excellence, had advanced that some of the English actors fancied
+themselves the very thing they represented; and recounted a story from
+Lucian, of a certain celebrated pantomime, who, in, acting the part of
+Ajax in his frenzy, was transported into a real fit of delirium, during
+which he tore to pieces the clothes of that actor who stalked before
+him, beating the stage with iron shoes, in order to increase the noise;
+snatched an instrument from one of the musicians, and broke it over the
+head of him who represented Ulysses; and, running to the consular bench,
+mistook a couple of senators for the sheep which were to be slain. The
+audience applauded him to the skies: but so conscious was the mimic of
+his own extravagance when he recovered the use of his reason, that he
+actually fell sick with mortification; and being afterwards desired to
+re-act the piece, flatly refused to appear in any such character, saying
+that the shortest follies were the best, and that it was sufficient for
+him to have been a madman once in his life.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LII.
+
+
+
+An Adventure happens to Pipes, in consequence of which he is dismissed
+from Peregrine's Service--The whole Company set out for Ghent, in the
+Diligence--Our Hero is captivated by a Lady in that Carriage--Interests
+her spiritual Director in his behalf.
+
+
+The doctor being fairly engaged on the subject of the ancients, would
+have proceeded the Lord knows how far, without hesitation, had not he
+been interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Jolter, who, in great confusion,
+told them that Pipes, having affronted a soldier, was then surrounded
+in the street, and certainly would be put to death if some person of
+authority did not immediately interpose in his behalf.
+
+Peregrine no sooner learned the danger of his trusty squire, than,
+snatching up his sword, he ran down-stairs, and was followed by the
+chevalier, entreating him to leave the affair to his management. Within
+ten yards of the door they found Tom, with his back to a wall, defending
+himself with a mopstick against the assault of three or four soldiers,
+who, at sight of the Maltese cross, desisted from the attack, and were
+taken into custody by order of the knight. One of the aggressors, being
+an Irishman, begged to be heard with great importunity before he should
+be sent to the guard; and, by the mediation of Pickle, was accordingly
+brought into the hotel with his companions, all three bearing upon
+their heads and faces evident marks of their adversary's prowess and
+dexterity. The spokesman, being confronted with Pipes, informed the
+company that, having by accident met with Mr. Pipes, whom he considered
+as his countryman, though fortune had disposed of them in different
+services, he invited him to drink a glass of wine, and accordingly
+carried him to a cabaret, where he introduced him to his comrades;
+but in the course of the conversation, which turned upon the power and
+greatness of the kings of France and England, Mr. Pipes had been pleased
+to treat his most Christian Majesty with great disrespect; and when he,
+the entertainer, expostulated with him in a friendly manner about his
+impolite behaviour, observing, that he, being in the French service,
+would be under the necessity of resenting his abuse if he did not put a
+stop to it before the other gentlemen of the cloth should comprehend
+his meaning; he had set them all three at defiance, dishonoured him in
+particular with the opprobrious epithet of rebel to his native king and
+country, and even drunk, in broken French, to the perdition of Louis and
+all his adherents; that, compelled by this outrageous conduct, he, as
+the person who had recommended him to their society, had, in vindication
+of his own character, demanded of the delinquent, who, on pretence
+of fetching a sword, had gone to his lodging, from whence he all of a
+sudden sallied upon them with the mopstick, which he employed in the
+annoyance of them all without distinction, so that they were obliged to
+draw in their own defence.
+
+Pipes, being questioned by his master with regard to the truth of this
+account, owned that every circumstance was justly represented; saying,
+he did not value their cheese-toasters a pinch of oakum; and that if the
+gentleman had not shot in betwixt them, he would have trimmed them
+to such a tune, that they should not have had a whole yard to square.
+Peregrine reprimanded him sharply for his unmannerly behaviour, and
+insisted upon his asking pardon of those he had injured upon the spot:
+but no consideration was efficacious enough to produce such concession;
+to this command he was both deaf and dumb; and the repeated threats
+of his master had no more effect than if they had been addressed to a
+marble statue. At length, our hero, incensed at his obstinacy, started
+up, and would have chastised him with manual operation, had not he been
+prevented by the chevalier, who found means to moderate his indignation
+so far that he contented himself with dismissing the offender from his
+service; and after having obtained the discharge of the prisoners, gave
+them a louis to drink, by way of recompense for the disgrace and damage
+they had sustained.
+
+The knight, perceiving our young gentleman very much ruffled at
+this accident, and reflecting upon the extraordinary deportment and
+appearance of his valet, whose hair had by this time adopted a grizzled
+hue, imagined he was some favourite domestic, who had grown gray in the
+service of his master's family, and that, of consequence, he was uneasy
+at the sacrifice he had made. Swayed by this conjecture, he earnestly
+solicited in his behalf; but all he could obtain, was a promise of
+re-admitting him into favour on the terms already proposed, or at least
+on condition that he should make his acknowledgment to the chevalier,
+for his want of reverence and respect for the French monarch.
+
+Upon this condescension the culprit was called up-stairs, and made
+acquainted with the mitigation of his fate; upon which he said, he would
+down on his marrow-bones to his own master, but would be d--d before he
+would ask pardon of e'er a Frenchman in Christendom. Pickle, exasperated
+at this blunt declaration, ordered him out of his presence, and charged
+him never to appear before his face again; while the officer in vain
+employed all his influence and address to appease his resentment, and
+about midnight took his leave with marks of mortification at his want of
+success.
+
+Next day the company agreed to travel through Flanders in the diligence,
+by the advice of Peregrine, who was not without hope of meeting with
+some adventure or amusement in that carriage; and Jolter took care to
+secure places for them all; it being resolved that the valet-de-chambre
+and the doctor's man should attend the vehicle on horseback; and as for
+the forlorn Pipes, he was left to reap the fruits of his own
+stubborn disposition, notwithstanding the united efforts of the whole
+triumvirate, who endeavoured to procure his pardon.
+
+Every previous measure being thus taken, they set out from Lisle about
+six in the morning, and found themselves in the company of a female
+adventurer, a very handsome young lady, a Capuchin, and a Rotterdam
+Jew. Our young gentleman, being the first of this society that entered,
+surveyed the stranger with an attentive eye, and seated himself
+immediately behind the beautiful unknown, who at once attracted his
+attention. Pallet, seeing another lady unengaged, in imitation of his
+friend, took possession of her neighbourhood; the physician paired with
+the priest, and Jolter sat down by the Jew.
+
+The machine had not proceeded many furlongs, when Pickle, accosting the
+fair incognita, congratulated himself upon his happiness, in being the
+fellow-traveller of so charming a lady. She, without the least reserve
+or affectation, thanked him for his compliment; and replied, with a
+sprightly air, that now they were embarked in one common bottom, they
+must club their endeavours to make one another as happy as the nature
+of their situation would permit them to be. Encouraged by this frank
+intimation, and captivated by her fine black eyes and easy behaviour,
+he attached himself to her from that moment; and, in a little time, the
+conversation became so particular, that the Capuchin thought proper
+to interfere in the discourse in such a manner as gave the youth to
+understand that he was there on purpose to superintend her conduct. He
+was doubly rejoiced at this discovery, in consequence of which he hoped
+to profit in his addresses, not only by the young lady's restraint,
+that never fails to operate in behalf of the lover, but also by the
+corruptibility of her guardian, whom he did not doubt of rendering
+propitious to his cause. Flushed with these expectations, he behaved
+with uncommon complacency to the father, who was charmed with the
+affability of his carriage, and on the faith of his generosity abated of
+his vigilance so much, that our hero carried on his suit without further
+molestation; while the painter, in signs and loud bursts of laughter,
+conversed with his dulcinea, who was perfectly well versed in these
+simple expressions of satisfaction, and had already found means to make
+a dangerous invasion upon his heart.
+
+Nor were the governor and physician unemployed, while their friends
+interested themselves in this agreeable manner. Jolter no sooner
+perceived the Hollander was a Jew, than he entered into an investigation
+of the Hebrew tongue, in which he was a connoisseur; and the doctor at
+the same time attacked the mendicant on the ridiculous maxims of his
+order, together with the impositions of priestcraft in general, which,
+he observed, prevailed so much among those who profess the Roman
+Catholic religion.
+
+Thus coupled, each committee enjoyed their own conversation apart,
+without any danger of encroachment; and all were so intent upon their
+several topics, that they scarce allowed themselves a small interval
+in viewing the desolation of Menin, as they passed through that ruined
+frontier. About twelve o'clock they arrived at Courtray, where the
+horses are always changed, and the company halt an hour for refreshment.
+Here Peregrine handed his charmer into an apartment, where she was
+joined by the other lady; and on pretence of seeing some of the churches
+in town, put himself under the direction of the Capuchin, from whom he
+learned that the lady was wife to a French gentleman, to whom she had
+been married about a year, and that she was now on her journey to visit
+her mother, who lived in Brussels, and was at that time laboured under a
+lingering distemper, which, in all probability, would soon put a period
+to her life. He then launched out in praise of her daughter's virtue
+and conjugal affection; and, lastly, told him, that he was her
+father-confessor, and pitched upon to be her conductor through Flanders,
+by her husband, as well as his wife, placed the utmost confidence in his
+prudence and integrity.
+
+Pickle easily comprehended the meaning of this insinuation, and took
+the hint accordingly. He tickled the priest's vanity with extraordinary
+encomiums upon the disinterested principles of his order, which were
+detached from all worldly pursuits, and altogether devoted to the
+eternal salvation of mankind. He applauded their patience, humility, and
+learning, and lavished a world of praise upon their talent in preaching,
+which, he said, had more than once operated so powerfully upon him, that
+had he not been restrained by certain considerations which he could
+not possibly waive, he should have embraced their tenets, and begged
+admission into their fraternity: but, as the circumstances of his fate
+would not permit him to take such a salutary measure for the present,
+he entreated the good father to accept a small token of his love and
+respect, for the benefit of that convent to which he belonged. So
+saying he pulled out a purse of ten guineas, which the Capuchin
+observing, turned his head another way, and, lifting up his arm,
+displayed a pocket almost as high as his collar-bone, in which he
+deposited the money.
+
+This proof of affection for the order produced a sudden and surprising
+effect upon the friar. In the transport of his zeal he wrung this
+semi-convert's hand, showered a thousand benedictions upon his head, and
+exhorted him, with the tears flowing from his eyes, to perfect the great
+work which the finger of God had begun in his heart; and, as an instance
+of his concern for the welfare of his precious soul, the holy brother
+promised to recommend him strenuously to the pious admonitions of the
+young woman under his care, who was a perfect saint upon earth, and
+endowed with a peculiar gift of mollifying the hearts of obdurate
+sinners. "O father!" cried the hypocritical projector, who by this time
+perceived that his money was not thrown away, "if I could be favoured
+but for one half hour with the private instruction of that inspired
+devotee, my mind presages, that I should be a strayed sheep brought
+back into the fold, and that I should find easy entrance at the gates of
+heaven! There is something supernatural in her aspect: I gaze upon her
+with the most pious fervour, and my whole soul is agitated with tumults
+of hope and despair!"
+
+Having pronounced this rhapsody with transport half natural and half
+affected, the priest assured him, that these were the operations of the
+Spirit, which must not be repressed; and comforted him with the hope of
+enjoying the blessed interview which he desired, protesting, that, as
+far as his influence extended, his wish should be that very evening
+indulged. The gracious pupil thanked him for his benevolent concern,
+which he swore should not be squandered upon an ungrateful object; and
+the rest of the company interrupting the conversation, they returned in
+a body to the inn, where they dined all together, and the ladies were
+persuaded to be our hero's guests.
+
+As the subjects on which they had been engaged before dinner were not
+exhausted, each brace resumed their former theme when they were replaced
+in the diligence. The painter's mistress finished her conquest, by
+exerting her skill in the art of ogling, accompanied by frequent
+bewitching sighs and some tender French songs, that she sang with such
+pathetic expression, as quite melted the resolution of Pallet, and
+utterly subdued his affection. And he, to convince her of the importance
+of her victory, gave a specimen of his own talents, by entertaining her
+with that celebrated English ditty, the burden of which begins with,
+"The pigs they lie with their a--s bare."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LIII.
+
+
+
+He makes some Progress in her Affections--Is interrupted by a Dispute
+between Jolter and the Jew--Appeases the Wrath of the Capuchin, who
+procures for him an interview with his fair Enslaver, in which he finds
+himself deceived.
+
+
+Peregrine, meanwhile, employed all his insinuation and address in
+practising upon the heart of the Capuchin's fair charge. He had long ago
+declared his passion, not in the superficial manner of a French gallant,
+but with all the ardour of an enthusiast. He had languished, vowed,
+flattered, kissed her hand by stealth, and had no reason to complain
+of his reception. Though, by a man of a less sanguine disposition, her
+particular complaisance would have been deemed equivocal, and perhaps
+nothing more than the effects of French breeding and constitutional
+vivacity; he gave his own qualifications credit for the whole, and with
+these sentiments carried on the attack with such unabating vigour, that
+she was actually prevailed upon to accept a ring, which he presented
+as a token of his esteem; and everything proceeded in a most prosperous
+train, when they were disturbed by the governor Israelite, who, in
+the heat of disputation, raised their voices, and poured forth such
+effusions of gutturals, as set our lover's teeth on edge. As they spoke
+in a language unknown to every one in the carriage but themselves,
+and looked at each other with mutual animosity and rancour, Peregrine
+desired to know the cause of their contention; upon which Jolter
+exclaimed, in a furious tone, "This learned Levite, forsooth, has the
+impudence to tell me that I don't understand Hebrew; and affirms that
+the word Benoni signifies 'child of joy;' whereas, I can prove, and
+have already said enough to convince any reasonable man, that in the
+Septuagint it is rightly translated into 'son of my sorrow.'"
+
+Having thus explained himself to his pupil, he turned to the priest,
+with intention to appeal to his determination; but the Jew pulled him by
+the sleeve with great eagerness, saying, "For the love of God, be
+quiet: the Capuchin will discover who we are." Joker, offended at this
+conjunction, echoed, "Who we are!" with great emphasis; and repeating
+nos poma natamus, asked ironically, to which of the tribes the Jew
+thought he belonged? The Levite, affronted at his comparing him to a
+ball of horse-dung, replied, with a most significant grin, "To the tribe
+of Issachar." His antagonist, taking the advantage of his unwillingness
+to be known by the friar, and prompted by revenge for the freedom he
+had used, answered, in the French language, that the judgment of God
+was still manifest upon their whole race, not only in their being in the
+state of exiles from their native land, but also in the spite of their
+hearts and pravity of their dispositions, which demonstrate them to be
+the genuine offspring of those who crucified the Saviour of the world.
+
+His expectation was, however, defeated: the priest himself was too
+deeply engaged to attend to the debates of other people. The physician,
+in the pride and insolence of his learning, had undertaken to display
+the absurdity of the Christian faith; having already, as he thought,
+confuted the Capuchin, touching the points of belief in which the Roman
+Catholics differ from the rest of the world. But not cemented with the
+imagined victory he bed gained, he began to strike at the fundamentals
+of religion; and the father, with incredible forbearance, suffered him
+to make very free with the doctrine of the Trinity: but, when he leveled
+the shafts of his ridicule at the immaculate conception of the Blessed
+Virgin, the good man's patience forsook him, his eyes seemed to kindle
+with indignation, he trembled in every joint, and uttered, with a loud
+voice, "You are an abominable--I will not call thee heretic, for thou
+art worse, if possible, than a Jew; you deserve to be inclosed in
+a furnace seven times heated; and I have a good mind to lodge an
+information against you with the governor of Ghent, that you may be
+apprehended and punished as an impious blasphemer."
+
+This menace operated like a charm upon all present. The doctor was
+confounded, the governor dismayed, the Levite's teeth chattered, the
+painter astonished at the general confusion, the cause of which he could
+not comprehend, and Pickle himself, not a little alarmed, was obliged to
+use all his interest and assiduity in appeasing this son of the church,
+who, at length, in consideration of the friendship he professed for the
+young gentleman, consented to forgive what had passed, but absolutely
+refused to sit in contact with such a profane wretch, whom he looked
+upon as a fiend of darkness, sent by the enemy of mankind to poison the
+minds of weak people; so that, after having crossed himself and uttered
+certain exorcisms, he insisted upon the doctor's changing places with
+the Jew, who approached the offended ecclesiastic in an agony of fear.
+
+Matters being thus compromised, the conversation flowed in a more
+general channel; and without the intervention of any other accident
+or bone of contention, the carriage arrived at the city of Ghent about
+seven in the evening. Supper being bespoken for the whole company, our
+adventurer and his friends went out to take a superficial view of
+the place, leaving his new mistress to the pious exhortations of her
+confessor, whom, as we have already observed, he had secured in his
+interest. This zealous mediator spoke so warmly in his commendation,
+and interested her conscience so much in the affair, that she could
+not refuse her helping hand to the great work of his conversion, and
+promised to grant the interview he desired.
+
+This agreeable piece of intelligence, which the Capuchin communicated to
+Peregrine at his return, elevated his spirits to such a degree, that he
+shone at supper with uncommon brilliance, in a thousand sallies of wit
+and pleasantry, to the delight of all present, especially of his fair
+Fleming, who seemed quite captivated by his person and behaviour. The
+evening being thus spent to the satisfaction of all parties, the company
+broke up, and retired to their several apartments, where our lover, to
+his unspeakable mortification, learned that the two ladies were
+obliged to be in the same room, all the other chambers of the inn being
+pre-occupied. When he imparted this difficulty to the priest, that
+charitable father, who was very fruitful in expedients, assured him
+that his spiritual concerns should not be obstructed by such a slender
+impediment; and accordingly availed himself of his prerogative, by going
+into his daughter's chamber when she was almost undressed, and leading
+her into his own, on pretence of administering salutary food for her
+soul. Having brought the two votaries together, he prayed for success
+to the operations of grace, and left them to their mutual meditations,
+after having conjured them in the most solemn manner to let no impure
+sentiments or temptations of the flesh interfere with the hallowed
+design of their meeting.
+
+The reverend intercessor being gone, and the door fastened on the
+inside, the pseudo-convert, transported with his passion, threw himself
+at his Amanda's feet; and begging she would spare him the tedious form
+of addresses, which the nature of their interview would not permit him
+to observe, began, with all the impetuosity of love, to make the most
+of the occasion. But whether she was displeased by the intrepidity and
+assurance of his behaviour, thinking herself entitled to more courtship
+and respect; or was really better fortified with chastity than he or his
+procurer had supposed her to be; certain it is, she expressed resentment
+and surprise at his boldness and presumption, and upbraided him with
+having imposed upon the charity of the friar. The young gentleman was
+really as much astonished at this rebuff, as she pretended to be at his
+declaration, and earnestly entreated her to consider how precious
+the moments were, and for once sacrifice superfluous ceremony to the
+happiness of one who adored her with such a flame as could not fail to
+consume his vitals, if she would not deign to bless him with her favour.
+
+Notwithstanding all his tears, vows, and supplications, his personal
+accomplishments, and the tempting opportunity, all that he could obtain
+was an acknowledgment of his having made an impression upon her heart,
+which she hoped the dictates of her duty would enable her to erase. This
+confession he considered as a delicate consent; and, obeying the impulse
+of his love, snatched her up in his arms, with an intention of seizing
+that which she declined to give; when this French Lucretia, unable
+to defend her virtue any other way, screamed aloud; and the Capuchin,
+setting his shoulder to the door, forced it open, and entered in an
+affected ecstasy of amazement. He lifted up his hands and eyes, and
+pretended to be thunderstruck at the discovery he had made; then in
+broken exclamations, professed his horror at the wicked intention of our
+hero, who had covered such a damnable scheme with the mask of religion.
+
+In short, he performed his cue with such dexterity, that the lady,
+believing him to be in earnest, begged he would forgive the stranger on
+account of his youth and education, which had been tainted by the errors
+of heresy; and he was on these considerations content to accept the
+submission of our hero; who, far from renouncing his expectations,
+notwithstanding this mortifying repulse, confided so much in his
+own talents, and the confession which his mistress had made, that he
+resolved to make another effort, to which nothing could have prompted
+him but the utmost turbulence of unruly desire.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LIV.
+
+
+
+He makes another Effort to towards the Accomplishment of his Wish, which
+is postponed by a strange Accident.
+
+
+He directed his valet-de-chambre, who was a thorough-paced pimp,
+to kindle some straw in the yard, and then pass by the door of her
+apartment, crying with a loud voice that the house was on fire.
+This alarm brought both ladies out of their chamber in a moment, and
+Peregrine, taking the advantage of their running to the street door,
+entered the room, concealed himself under a large table that stood in an
+unobserved corner. The nymphs, as soon as they understood the cause
+of his Mercury's supposed affright, returned to their apartment, and,
+having said their prayers, undressed themselves, and went to bed.
+This scene, which fell under the observation of Pickle, did not at all
+contribute to the cooling of his concupiscence, but on the contrary
+inflamed him to such a degree, that he could scarce restrain his
+impatience, until, by her breathing deep, he concluded the fellow-lodger
+of his Amanda was asleep. This welcome note no sooner saluted his ears,
+than he crept to his charmer's bedside, and placing himself on his
+knees, gently laid hold on her white hand, and pressed it to his lips.
+She had just begun to close her eyes, and enjoy the agreeable oppression
+of slumber, when she was roused by this rape, at which she started,
+pronouncing, in a tone of surprise and dismay, "My God! who's that?"
+
+The lover, with the most insinuating humility, besought her to hear him;
+vowing that his intention, in approaching her thus, was not to violate
+the laws of decency, or that indelible esteem which she had engraved on
+his heart; but to manifest his sorrow and contrition for the umbrage he
+had given, to pour forth the overflowings of his soul, and tell her that
+he neither could nor would survive her displeasure. These and many
+more pathetic protestations, accompanied with sighs and tears and other
+expressions of grief, which our hero had at command, could not fail to
+melt the tender heart of the Fleming, already prepossessed in favour of
+his qualifications. She sympathized so much with his affliction, as
+to weep in her turn, when she represented the impossibility of her
+rewarding his passion; and he, seizing the moment, reinforced his
+solicitations with such irresistible transports, that her resolution
+gave way, she began to breathe quick, expressed her fear of being
+overheard by the other lady, with an ejaculation of "O heavens! I'm
+undone," suffered him, after a faint struggle, to make a lodgment upon
+the covered way of her bed. Her honour, however, was secured for the
+present, by a strange sort of knocking upon the wainscot, at the other
+end of the room, hard by the bed in which the female adventurer lay.
+
+Surprised at this circumstance, the lady begged him for heaven's sake
+to retreat, or her reputation would be ruined for ever; but when he
+represented to her, that her character would run a much greater risk
+if he should be detected in withdrawing, she consented, with great
+trepidation, to his stay, and they listened in silence to the sequel of
+the noise that alarmed them. This was no other than an expedient of the
+painter to awaken his dulcinea, with whom he had made an assignation,
+or at least interchanged such signals as he thought amounted to a firm
+appointment. His nymph, being disturbed in her first sleep, immediately
+understood the sound, and, true to the agreement, rose; and, unbolting
+the door, as softly as possible, gave him admittance; leaving it open
+for his more commodious retreat.
+
+While this happy gallant was employed in disengaging himself from
+the deshabille in which he had entered, the Capuchin, suspecting that
+Peregrine would make another attempt upon his charge, had crept silently
+to the apartment in order to reconnoitre, lest the adventure should be
+achieved without his knowledge; a circumstance that would deprive him
+of the profits he might expect from his privity and concurrence. Finding
+the door unlatched, his suspicion was confirmed, and he made no scruple
+of creeping into the chamber on all four; so that the painter, having
+stripped himself to the shirt, in groping about for his dulcinea's bed,
+chanced to lay his hand upon the shaven crown of the father's head,
+which, by a circular motion, the priest began to turn round in his
+grasp, like a ball in a socket, to the surprise and consternation of
+poor Pallet, who, neither having penetration to comprehend the case,
+nor resolution to withdraw his fingers from this strange object of his
+touch, stood sweating in the dark, and venting ejaculations with great
+devotion.
+
+The friar, tired with this exercise, and the painful posture in which he
+stooped, raised himself gradually upon his feet, heaving up at the same
+time the hand of the painter, whose terror and amazement increased to
+such a degree at this unaccountable elevation, that his faculties began
+to fail; and his palm, in the confusion of his fright, sliding over the
+priest's forehead, one of his fingers happened to slip into his mouth,
+and was immediately secured between the Capuchin's teeth with as firm a
+fixture as if it had been screwed in a blacksmith's vice.
+
+The painter was so much disordered by this sudden snap, which tortured
+him to the bone, that, forgetting all other considerations, he roared
+aloud, "Murder! a fire! a trap, a trap! help, Christians, for the love
+of God, help!" Our hero, confounded by these exclamation, which he
+knew would soon fill the room with spectators, and incensed at his own
+mortifying disappointment, was obliged to quit the untasted banquet,
+and, approaching the cause of his misfortune, just as his tormentor
+had thought proper to release his finger, discharged such a hearty
+slap between his shoulders, as brought him to the ground with hideous
+bellowing; then, retiring unperceived to his own chamber, was one of the
+first who returned with a light, on pretence of having been alarmed
+with his cries. The Capuchin had taken the same precaution, and followed
+Peregrine into the room, pronouncing benedicite, and crossing himself
+with many marks of astonishment. The physician and Jolter appearing
+at the same time, the unfortunate painter was found lying naked on the
+floor, in all the agony of horror and dismay, blowing upon his left
+hand, that hung dangling from the elbow. The circumstance of his being
+found in that apartment, and the attitude of his affliction, which was
+extremely ridiculous, provoked the doctor to a smile, and produced a
+small relaxation in the severity of the governor's countenance; while
+Pickle, testifying his surprise and concern, lifted him from the ground,
+and inquired into the cause of his present situation.
+
+Having, after some recollection, and fruitless endeavours to speak,
+recovered the use of his tongue, he told them that the house was
+certainly haunted by evil spirits, by which he had been conveyed, he
+knew not how, into that apartment, and afflicted with all the tortures
+of hell: that one of them had made itself sensible to his feeling, in
+the shape of a round ball of smooth flesh, which turned round under his
+hand, like an astronomer's globe; and then, rising up to a surprising
+height, was converted into a machine that laid hold on his finger, by a
+snap; and having pinned him to the spot, he continued for some moments
+in unspeakable agony. At last, he said, the engine seemed to melt away
+from his finger, and he received a sudden thwack upon his shoulders, as
+if discharged by the arm of a giant, which overthrew him in an instant
+upon the floor.
+
+The priest, hearing this strange account, pulled out of one of his
+pouches a piece of consecrated candle, which he lighted immediately, and
+muttered certain mysterious conjurations. Jolter, imagining that Pallet
+was drunk, shook his head, saying, he believed the spirit was nowhere
+but in his own brain. The physician for once condescended to be a wag,
+and, looking towards one of the beds, observed, that, in his opinion,
+the painter had been misled by the flesh, and not by the spirit. The
+fair Fleming lay in silent astonishment and affright; and her fellow
+in order to acquit herself of all suspicion, exclaimed with incredible
+volubility against the author of this uproar, who, she did not doubt,
+had concealed himself in the apartment with a view of perpetuating some
+wicked attempt upon her precious virtue, and was punished and prevented
+by the immediate interposition of heaven. At her desire, therefore, and
+at the earnest solicitation of the other lady, he was conducted to his
+own bed; and the chamber being evacuated, they locked their door, fully
+resolved to admit no more visitants for that night: while Peregrine,
+mad with seeing the delicious morsel snatched, as it were, from his very
+lip, stalked through the passage like a ghost, in hope of finding some
+opportunity of re-entering; till the day beginning to break, he was
+obliged to retire, cursing the idiotical conduct of the painter, which
+had so unluckily interfered with his delight.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LV.
+
+
+
+They depart from Ghent--Our Hero engages in a Political Dispute with his
+Mistress, whom he offends, and pacifies with Submission--He practises
+an Expedient to detain the Carriage at Alost, and confirms the Priest in
+his Interest.
+
+
+Next day, about one o'clock, after having seen everything remarkable in
+town, and been present at the execution of two youths, who were hanged
+for ravishing a w--, they took their departure from Ghent in the same
+carriage which had brought them thither; and the conversation turning
+upon the punishment they had seen inflicted, the Flemish beauty
+expressed great sympathy and compassion for the unhappy sufferers,
+who, as she had been informed, had fallen victims to the malice of the
+accuser. Her sentiments were espoused by all the company, except the
+French lady of pleasure, who, thinking the credit of the sisterhood
+concerned in the affair, bitterly inveighed against the profligacy of
+the age, and particularly the base and villainous attempts of man upon
+the chastity of the weaker sex; saying, with a look of indignation
+directed to the painter, that for her own part she should never be
+able to manifest the acknowledgment she owed to Providence, for having
+protected her last night from the wicked aims of unbridled lust. This
+observation introduced a series of jokes at the expense of Pallet, who
+hung his ears, and sat with a silent air of dejection, fearing that,
+through the malevolence of the physician, his adventure might reach the
+ears of his wife. Indeed, though we have made shift to explain the
+whole transaction to the reader, it was an inextricable mystery to every
+individual in the diligence, because the part which was acted by the
+Capuchin was known to himself alone, and even he was utterly ignorant
+of Pickle's being concerned in the affair; so that the greatest share
+of the painter's sufferings were supposed to be the exaggerations of his
+own extravagant imagination.
+
+In the midst of their discourse on this extraordinary subject, the
+driver told them that they were now on the very spot where a detachment
+of the allied army had been intercepted and cut off by the French: and,
+stopping the vehicle, entertained them with a local description of the
+battle of Melle. Upon this occasion, the Flemish lady, who, since her
+marriage, had become a keen partisan for the French, gave a minute
+detail of all the circumstances, as they had been represented to her by
+her husband's brother, who was in the action. This account, which sunk
+the number of the French to sixteen, and raised that of the allies to
+twenty thousand men, was so disagreeable to truth, as well as to the
+laudable partiality of Peregrine, that he ventured to contradict her
+assertions, and a fierce dispute commenced, that not only regarded the
+present question, but also comprehended all the battles in which the
+Duke of Marlborough had commanded against Louis the Fourteenth. In the
+course of these debates, she divested the great general of all the
+glory he had acquired, by affirming, that every victory he gained was
+purposely lost by the French in order to bring the schemes of Madame de
+Maintenon into discredit; and, as a particular instance, alledged, that
+while the citadel of Lisle was besieged, Louis said, in presence of the
+Dauphin, that if the allies should be obliged to raise the siege, he
+would immediately declare his marriage with that lady; upon which, the
+son sent private orders to Marshal Boufflers to surrender the place.
+
+This strange allegation was supported by the asseveration of the priest
+and the courtesan, and admitted as truth by the governor, who pretended
+to have heard it from good authority; while the doctor sat neutral, as
+one who thought it scandalous to know the history of such modern events.
+The Israelite, being a true Dutchman, himself under the banners of our
+hero, who, in attempting to demonstrate the absurdity and improbability
+of what they had advanced, raised such a hue and cry against himself,
+and, being insensibly heated in the altercation, irritated his Amanda
+to such a degree, that her charming eyes kindled with fury, and he
+saw great reason to think, that if he did not fall upon some method to
+deprecate her wrath, she would, in a twinkling, sacrifice all her esteem
+for him to her own zeal for the glory of the French nation. Moved by
+this apprehension, his ardour cooled by degrees, and he insensibly
+detached himself from the argument, leaving the whole care of supporting
+it to the Jew, who, finding himself deserted, was fain to yield at
+discretion; so that the French remained masters of the field, and their
+young heroine resumed her good humour.
+
+Our hero having prudently submitted to the superior intelligence of his
+fair enslaver, began to be harassed with the fears of losing her
+for ever; and set his invention at work, to contrive some means
+of indemnifying himself for his assiduities, presents, and the
+disappointment he had already undergone. On pretence of enjoying a free
+air, he mounted the box, and employed his elocution and generosity with
+such success, that the driver undertook to disable the diligence from
+proceeding beyond the town of Alost for that day; and, in consequence
+of his promise, gently overturned it when they were but a mile short of
+that baiting-place. He had taken his measures so discreetly, that this
+accident was attended with no other inconvenience than a fit of fear
+that took possession of the ladies, and the necessity to which they
+were reduced by the declaration of the coachman, who, upon examining
+the carriage, assured the company that the axle-tree had given way, and
+advised them to walk forward to the inn, while he would jog after them
+at a slow pace, and do his endeavour the damage should be immediately
+repaired.
+
+Peregrine pretended to be very much concerned at what had happened,
+and even cursed the driver for his inadvertency, expressing infinite
+impatience to be at Brussels, and wishing that this misfortune might
+not detain them another night upon the road; but when his understrapper,
+according to his instructions, came afterwards to the inn, and gave them
+to understand that the workman he had employed could not possibly refit
+the machine in less then six hours, the crafty youth affected to
+lose all temper, stormed at his emissary, whom he reviled in the most
+opprobrious terms, and threatened to cane for his misconduct. The fellow
+protested, with great humility, that their being overturned was owing to
+the failure of the axle-tree, and not to his want of care or dexterity
+in driving; though rather than be thought the cause of incommoding
+him, he would inquire for a post-chaise, in which he might depart for
+Brussels immediately. This expedient Pickle rejected, unless the whole
+company could be accommodated in the same manner; and he had been
+previously informed by the driver that the town could not furnish more
+than one vehicle of that sort. His governor, who was quite ignorant
+of his scheme, represented that one night would soon be passed, and
+exhorted him to bear this small disappointment with a good grace,
+especially as the house seemed to be well provided for their
+entertainment, and the company so much disposed to be sociable.
+
+The Capuchin, who had found his account in cultivating the acquaintance
+of the young stranger, was not ill-pleased at this event, which might,
+by protracting the term of their intercourse, yield him some opportunity
+of profiting still farther by his liberality: he therefore joined Mr.
+Jolter in his admonitions, congratulating himself upon the prospect
+of enjoying his conversation a little longer than he had expected.
+Our young gentleman received a compliment to the same purpose from
+the Hebrew, who had that day exercised his gallantry upon the French
+coquette, and was not without hope of reaping the fruit of his
+attention, his rival, the painter, being quite disgraced and dejected
+by the adventure of last night, As for the doctor, he was too much
+engrossed in the contemplation of his own importance, to interest
+himself in the affair or its consequences, further than by observing,
+that the European powers ought to establish public games, like those
+that were celebrated of old in Greece; in which case, every state would
+be supplied with such dexterous charioteers as would drive a machine, at
+full speed, within a hair's breadth of a precipice, without any danger
+of its being overturned.
+
+Peregrine could not help yielding to their remonstrances and united
+complaisance, for which he thanked them in very polite terms; and his
+passion seeming to subside, proposed that they should amuse themselves
+in walking round the ramparts. He hoped to enjoy some private
+conversation with his admired Fleming, who had the whole day behaved
+with remarkable reserve. The proposal being embraced, he, as usual,
+handed her into the street, and took all opportunities of promoting his
+suit; but they were attended so closely by her father-confessor, that
+he foresaw it would be impracticable to accomplish his aim without the
+connivance of that ecclesiastic. This he was obliged to purchase with
+another purse, which he offered, and was accepted, as a charitable
+atonement for his criminal behaviour during the interview which the
+friar had procured for the good of his soul. The benefaction was no
+sooner made, than the mendicant edged off by little and little, till
+he joined the rest of the company, leaving his generous patron at full
+liberty to prosecute his purpose.
+
+It is not to be doubted that our adventurer made a good use of this
+occasion: he practised a thousand flowers of rhetoric, and actually
+exhausted his whole address, in persuading her to have compassion upon
+his misery, and indulge him with another private audience, without which
+he should run distracted, and be guilty of extravagancies which, in
+the humanity of her disposition, she would weep to see. But, instead of
+complying with his request, she chid him severely for his presumption
+in persecuting her with his vicious addresses: she assured him, that
+although she had secured a chamber for herself in this place, because
+she had no ambition to be better acquainted with the other lady, he
+would be in the wrong to disturb her with another nocturnal visit, for
+she was determined to deny him admittance. The lover was comforted by
+this hint, which he understood in the true acceptation; and his passion
+being inflamed by the obstacles he had met with, his heart beat high
+with the prospect of possession. These raptures of expectation produced
+an inquietude, which disabled him from bearing that share of the
+conversation for which he used to be distinguished. His behaviour
+at supper was a vicissitude of startings and reveries. The Capuchin,
+imputing the disorder to a second repulse from his charge, began to
+be invaded with the apprehension of being obliged to refund, and in a
+whisper forbade our hero to despair.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LVI.
+
+
+
+The French Coquette entraps the Heart of the Jew, against whom Pallet
+enters into a Conspiracy, by which Peregrine is again disappointed, and
+the Hebrew's Incontinence exposed.
+
+
+Meanwhile the French siren, balked in her design upon her English
+cully, who was so easily disheartened, and hung his ears in manifest
+despondence, rather than rather than run the risk of making a voyage
+that should be altogether unprofitable, resolved to practise her charms
+upon the Dutch merchant. She had already made such innovation upon his
+heart, that he cultivated her with peculiar complacency, gazed upon her
+with a most libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect into a grin
+that was truly Israelitish. The painter saw and was offended at this
+correspondence, which he considered as an insult upon his misfortune,
+as well as an evident preference of his rival; and, conscious of his own
+timidity, swallowed an extraordinary glass, that his invention might be
+stimulated, and his resolution raised to the contrivance and execution
+of some scheme of revenge. The wine failed in the expected effect, and,
+without inspiring him with the plan, served only to quicken his
+desire of vengeance; so that he communicated his purpose to his friend
+Peregrine, and begged his assistance; but our young gentleman was too
+intent upon his own affair to mind the concerns of any other person; and
+he declining to be engaged in the project, Pallet had recourse to
+the genius of Pickle's valet-de-chambre, who readily embarked in the
+undertaking, and invented a plan, which was executed accordingly.
+
+The evening being pretty far advanced, and the company separated into
+their respective apartments, Pickle repaired, in all the impatience of
+youth and desire, to the chamber of his charmer, and, finding the door
+unbolted, entered in a transport of joy. By the light of the room,
+which shone through the window, he was conducted to her bed, which he
+approached in the utmost agitation; and perceiving her to all appearance
+asleep, essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss; but this method proved
+ineffectual, because she was determined to save herself the confusion of
+being an accomplice in his guilt. He repeated the application, murmured
+a most passionate salutation in her ear, and took such other gentle
+methods of signifying his presence, as persuaded him that she was
+resolved to sleep, in spite of all his endeavours. Flushed with this
+supposition, he locked the door, in order to prevent interruption; and,
+stealing himself under the clothes, set fortune at defiance, while he
+held the fair creature circled in his arms.
+
+Nevertheless, near as he seemed to be to the happy accomplishment of his
+desire, his hope was again frustrated with a fearful noise, which in a
+moment awaked his Amanda in a fright, and for the present engaged all
+his attention. His valet-de-chambre, whom Pallet had consulted as a
+confederate in his revenge against the lady of pleasure and her gallant,
+had hired of certain Bohemians, who chanced to lodge at the inn, a
+jackass adorned with bells, which, when everybody was retired to
+rest, and the Hebrew supposed to be bedded with his mistress, they led
+upstairs into a long thoroughfare, from which the chambers were detached
+on each side. The painter, perceiving the lady's door ajar, according
+to his expectation, mounted this animal, with intention to ride into the
+room, and disturb the lovers in the midst of their mutual endearments;
+but the ass, true to its kind, finding himself bestrid by an unknown
+rider, instead of advancing in obedience to his conductor, retreated
+backward to the other end of the passage, in spite of all the efforts of
+the painter, who spurred, and kicked, and pummeled to no purpose. It was
+the noise of this contention between Pallet and the ass which invaded
+the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, neither of whom could form the
+least rational conjecture about the cause of such strange disturbance,
+which increased as the animal approached their apartment. At length
+the bourrique's retrograde motion was obstructed by the door, which
+it forced open in a twinkling, with one kick, and entered with such
+complication of sound as terrified the lady almost into a fit, and threw
+her lover into the utmost perplexity and confusion.
+
+The painter, finding himself thus violently intruded into the
+bed-chamber of he knew not whom, and dreading the resentment of the
+possessor, who might discharge a pistol at him as a robber who had
+broken into his apartment, was overwhelmed with consternation, and
+redoubled his exertion to accomplish a speedy retreat, sweating all the
+time with fear, and putting up petition to Heaven for his safety;
+but his obstinate companion, regardless of his situation, instead of
+submitting to his conduct, began to turn round like a millstone, the
+united sound of his feet and bells producing a most surprising concert.
+The unfortunate rider, whirling about in this manner, would have quitted
+his seat, and left the beast to his own amusement, but the rotation was
+so rapid, that the terror of a severe fall hindered him from attempting
+to dismount; and, in the desperation of his heart, he seized one of his
+ears, which he pinched so unmercifully, that the creature set up his
+throat, and brayed aloud.
+
+This hideous exclamation was no sooner heard by the fair Fleming,
+already chilled with panic, and prepared with superstition, than,
+believing herself visited by the devil, who was permitted to punish her
+for her infidelity to the marriage-bed, she uttered a scream, and began
+to repeat her pater noster with a loud voice. Her lover, finding himself
+under the necessity of retiring, started up, and, stung with the most
+violent pangs of rage and disappointment, ran directly to the spot from
+whence this diabolical noise seemed to proceed. There encountering the
+ass he discharged such a volley of blows at him and his rider, that the
+creature carried him off at a round trot, and they roared in unison all
+the way. Having thus cleared the room of such disagreeable company,
+he went back to his mistress, and assuring her that this was only some
+foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave, with a promise of returning
+after the quiet of the inn should be re-established.
+
+In the mean time, the noise of the bourrique, the cries of the painter,
+and the lady's scream, had alarmed the whole house; and the ass, in the
+precipitation of his retreat, seeing people with lights before him, took
+shelter in the apartment for which he was at first designed, just as
+the Levite, aroused at the uproar, had quitted his dulcinea, and was
+attempting to recover his own chamber unperceived. Seeing himself
+opposed by such an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lantern-jawed
+figure, half naked, with a white nightcap upon his head which added to
+the natural paleness of his complexion,--the Jew was sorely troubled in
+mind and believing it to be an apparition of Balaam and his ass, flew
+backward with a nimble pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay,
+concealed. Mr. Jolter and the priest, who were the foremost of those
+who had been aroused by the noise, were not unmoved when they saw such a
+spectacle rushing into the chamber, whence the lady of pleasure began
+to shriek. The governor made a full halt, and the Capuchin discovered no
+inclination to proceed. They were, however, by the pressure of the crowd
+that followed them, thrust forward to the door, through which the
+vision entered; and there Jolter, with great ceremony, complimented his
+reverence with the pas, beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant was
+too courteous and humble to accept this pre-eminence, and a very earnest
+dispute ensued; during which, the ass, in the course of his circuit,
+showed himself and rider, and in a trice decided the contest; for,
+struck with this second glimpse, both at one instant sprang backward
+with such force, as overturned their next men, who communicated the
+impulse to those that stood behind them, and these again to others; so
+that the whole passage was strewed with a long file of people, that lay
+in a line, like the sequel and dependence of a pack of cards.
+
+In the midst of this havoc, our hero returned from his own room with
+an air of astonishment, asking the cause of this uproar. Receiving such
+hints of intelligence as Jolter's consternation would permit him to
+give, he snatched the candle out of his hand, and advanced into the
+haunted chamber without hesitation, being followed by all present, who
+broke forth into a long and loud peal of laughter, when they perceived
+the ludicrous source of their disquiet. The painter himself made an
+effort to join their mirth; but he had been so harrowed by fear, and
+smarted so much with the pain of the discipline he had received from
+Pickle, that he could not, with all his endeavours, vanquish the
+ruefulness of his countenance. His attempt served only to increase
+the awkwardness of his situation, which was not at all mended by the
+behaviour of the coquette, who, furious with her disappointment, slipped
+on a petticoat and bedgown, and springing upon him, like mother Hecuba,
+with her nails deprived all one side of his nose of the skin; and would
+not have left him an eye to see through, if some of the company had not
+rescued him from her unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage, as
+well as by her behaviour to him in the diligence, he publicly explained
+his intention in entering her chamber in this equipage; and missing the
+Hebrew among the spectators, assured them that he must have absconded
+somewhere in the apartment. In pursuance of this intimation, the room
+was immediately searched, and the mortified Levite pulled up by the
+heels from his lurking-place; so that Pallet had the good fortune, at
+last, to transfer the laugh from himself to his rival and the French
+inamorata, who accordingly underwent the ridicule of the whole audience.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LVII.
+
+
+
+Pallet endeavouring to unravel the Mystery of the Treatment he had
+received, falls out of the Frying-pan into the Fire.
+
+
+Nevertheless, Pallet was still confounded and chagrined by one
+consideration, which was no other than that of his having been so
+roughly handled in the chamber, belonging, as he found upon inquiry,
+to the handsome young lady who was under the Capuchin's direction. He
+recollected that the door was fast locked when his beast burst it open,
+and he had no reason to believe that any person followed him in his
+inruption: on the other hand, he could not imagine that such a gentle
+creature would either attempt to commit, or be able to execute, such
+a desperate assault as that which his body had sustained; and her
+demeanour was so modest and circumspect, that he durst not harbour the
+least suspicion of her virtue. These reflections bewildered him in the
+labyrinth of thought: he rummaged his whole imagination, endeavouring
+to account for what had happened. At length, he concluded, that either
+Peregrine, or the devil, or both must have been at the bottom of the
+whole affair, and determined, for the satisfaction of his curiosity,
+to watch our hero's motions, during the remaining part of the night, so
+narrowly, that his conduct, mysterious as it was, should not be able to
+elude his penetration.
+
+With these sentiments he retired to his own room, after the ass had been
+restored to the right owners, and the priest had visited and comforted
+his fair ward, who had been almost distracted with fear. Silence no
+sooner prevailed again, than he crawled darkling towards her door, and
+huddled himself up in an obscure corner, from whence he might observe
+the ingress or egress of any human creature. He had not long remained
+in this posture, when, fatigued with this adventure and that of the
+preceding night, his faculties were gradually overpowered with slumber;
+and, falling fast asleep, he began to snore like a whole congregation of
+Presbyterians. The Flemish beauty, hearing this discordant noise in the
+passage, began to be afraid of some new alarm, and very prudently bolted
+her door; so that when her lover wanted to repeat his visit he was not
+only surprised and incensed at this disagreeable serenade, the author of
+which he did not know; but when compelled by his passion, which was
+by this time wound to the highest pitch, he ventured to approach the
+entrance, he had the extreme mortification to find himself shut out. He
+durst not knock or signify his presence in any other manner, on account
+of the lady's reputation, which would have greatly suffered had the
+snorer been waked by his endeavours. Had he known that the person
+who thus thwarted his views was the painter, he would have taken some
+effectual step to remove him; but he could not conceive what should
+induce Pallet to take up his residence in that corner; nor could he use
+the assistance of a light, to distinguish him, because there was not a
+candle burning in the house.
+
+It is impossible to describe the rage and vexation of our hero, while he
+continued thus tantalized upon the brink of bliss, after his desire had
+been exasperated by the circumstances of his former disappointments. He
+ejaculated a thousand execrations against his own fortune, cursed all
+his fellow-travellers without exception, vowed revenge against the
+painter, who had twice confounded his most interesting scheme, and was
+tempted to execute immediate vengeance upon the unknown cause of his
+present miscarriage. In this agony of distraction did he sweat two
+whole hours in the passage, though not without some faint hope of being
+delivered from his tormentor, who, he imagined, upon waking, would
+undoubtedly shift his quarters, and leave the field free to his designs;
+but when he heard the cock repeat his salutation to the morn, which
+began to open on the rear of night, he could no longer restrain his
+indignation. Going to his own chamber, he filled a basin with cold
+water, and, standing at some distance, discharged it full in the face
+of the gaping snorer, who, over and above the surprise occasioned by the
+application, was almost suffocated by the liquor that entered his
+mouth, and ran down into his windpipe. While he gasped like a person
+half-drowned, without knowing the nature of his disaster, or remembering
+the situation in which he fell asleep, Peregrine retired to his own
+door, and, to his no small astonishment, from a long howl that invaded
+his ears, learned that the patient was no other than Pallet, who had
+now, for the third time, balked his good fortune.
+
+Enraged at the complicated trespasses of this unfortunate offender,
+he rushed from his apartment with a horsewhip, and, encountering the
+painter in his flight, overturned him in the passage. There he exercised
+the instrument of his wrath with great severity on pretence of mistaking
+him for some presumptuous cur, which had disturbed the repose of the
+inn: nay, when he called aloud for mercy in a supplicating tone, and his
+chastiser could no longer pretend to treat him as a quadruped, such was
+the virulence of the young gentleman's indignation, that he could
+not help declaring his satisfaction, by telling Pallet he had richly
+deserved the punishment he had undergone, for his madness, folly, and
+impertinence, in contriving and executing such idle schemes, as had no
+other tendency than that of plaguing his neighbours.
+
+Pallet protested, with great vehemence, that he was innocent as the
+child unborn of an intention to give umbrage to any person whatever,
+except the Israelite and his doxy, who he knew had incurred his
+displeasure. "But as God is my Saviour," said he, "I believe I am
+persecuted with witchcraft, and begin to think that d--d priest is
+an agent of the devil; for he has been but two nights in our company,
+during which I have not closed an eye; but, on the contrary, have been
+tormented by all the fiends of hell." Pickle peevishly replied, that his
+torments had been occasioned by his own foolish imagination; and asked
+how he came to howl in that corner. The painter, who did not think
+proper to own the truth, said, that he had been transported thither by
+some preternatural conveyance, and soused in water by an invisible hand.
+The youth, in hope of profiting by his absence, advised him to retire
+immediately to his bed, and by sleep strive to comfort his brain, which
+seemed to be not a little disordered by the want of that refreshment.
+Pallet himself began to be very much of the same way of thinking; and,
+in compliance with such wholesome counsel, betook himself to rest,
+muttering prayers all the way for the recovery of his own understanding.
+
+Pickle attended him to his chamber, and, locking him up, put the key in
+his own pocket, that he might not have it in his power to interrupt him
+again; but in his return he was met by Mr. Jolter and the doctor, who
+had been a second time alarmed by the painter's cries, and came to
+inquire about this new adventure. Half-frantic with such a series of
+disappointments, he cursed them in his heart for their unseasonable
+appearance. When they questioned him about Pallet, he told them he had
+found him stark staring mad, howling in a corner, and wet to the skin,
+and conducted him to his room, where he was now abed. The physician,
+hearing this circumstance, made a merit of his vanity; and, under
+pretence of concern for the patient's welfare, desired he might have an
+opportunity of examining the symptoms of his disorder, without loss of
+time; alleging that many diseases might have been stifled in the birth,
+which afterwards baffled all the endeavours of the medical art. The
+young gentleman accordingly delivered the key, and once more withdrew
+into his own chamber, with a view of seizing the first occasion that
+should present itself of renewing his application to his Amanda's
+door; while the doctor, in his way to Pellet's apartment, hinted to the
+governor his suspicion that the patient laboured under that dreadful
+symptom called the hydrophobia, which he observed had sometimes appeared
+in persons who were not previously bit by a mad dog. This conjecture
+he founded upon the howl he uttered when he was soused with water, and
+began to recollect certain circumstances of the painter's behaviour for
+some days past, which now he could plainly perceive had prognosticated
+some such calamity. He then ascribed the distemper to the violent
+frights he had lately undergone, affirming that the affair of the
+Bastille had made such a violent encroachment upon his understanding,
+that his manner of thinking and speaking was entirely altered. By a
+theory of his own invention, he explained the effects of fear upon a
+loose system of nerves, and demonstrated the modus in which the animal
+spirits operate upon the ideas and power of imagination.
+
+This disquisition, which was communicated at the painter's door, might
+have lasted till breakfast, had not Jolter reminded him of his own
+maxim, Venienti occurrite morbo; upon which he put the key to immediate
+use, and they walked softly towards the bed, where the patient lay
+extended at full length in the arms of sleep. The physician took
+notice of his breathing hard, and his mouth being open; and from
+these diagnostics declared, that the liquidum nervosum was intimately
+affected, and the saliva impregnated with the spiculated particles
+of the virus, howsoever contracted. This sentence was still farther
+confirmed by the state of his pulse, which, being full and slow,
+indicated an oppressed circulation, from a loss of elasticity in the
+propelling arteries. He proposed that he should immediately suffer a
+second aspersion of water, which would not only contribute to the cure,
+but also certify them, beyond all possibility of doubt, with regard to
+the state of the disease; for it would evidently appear, from the manner
+in which he would bear the application, whether or not his horror of
+water amounted to a confirmed hydrophobia. Mr. Jolter, in compliance
+with his proposal, began to empty a bottle of water, which he found
+in the room in a basin; when he was interrupted by the prescriber,
+who advised him to use the contents of the chamberpot, which, being
+impregnated with salt, would operate more effectually than pure element.
+Thus directed, the governor lifted up the vessel, which was replete with
+medicine, and with one turn of his hand, discharged the whole healing
+inundation upon the ill-omened patient, who, waking in the utmost
+distraction of horror, yelled most hideously, just at the time when
+Peregrine had brought his mistress to a parley, and entertained hopes of
+being admitted into her chamber.
+
+Terrified at this exclamation, she instantly broke off the treaty,
+beseeching him to retire from the door, that her honour might receive
+no injury from his being found in that place; and he had just enough
+of recollection left to see the necessity of obeying the order; in
+conformity to which he retreated well nigh deprived of his senses, and
+almost persuaded that so many unaccountable disappointments must have
+proceeded from some supernatural cause, of which the idiot Pallet was no
+more than the involuntary instrument.
+
+Meanwhile, the doctor having ascertained the malady of the patient,
+whose cries, interrupted by frequent sobs and sighs, he interpreted into
+the barking of a dog, and having no more salt-water at hand, resolved to
+renew the bath with such materials as chance would afford. He actually
+laid hold of the bottle and basin; but by this time the painter had
+recovered the use of his senses so well as to perceive his drift,
+and, starting up like a frantic bedlamite, ran directly to his sword,
+swearing, with many horrid imprecations, that he would murder them both
+immediately, if he should be hanged before dinner, They did not choose
+to wait the issue of his threat, but retired with such precipitation
+that the physician had almost dislocated his shoulder by running against
+one side of the entry. Jolter, having pulled the door after him and
+turned the key, betook himself to flight, roaring aloud for assistance.
+His colleague, seeing the door secured, valued himself upon his
+resolution, and exhorted him to return; declaring that, for his own
+part, he was more afraid of the madman's teeth than of his weapon, and
+admonishing the governor to re-enter and execute what they had left
+undone. "Go in," said he, "without fear or apprehension; and if any
+accident shall happen to you, either from his slaver or his sword,
+I will assist you with my advice, which from this station I can more
+coolly and distinctly administer, than I should be able to supply if my
+ideas were disturbed, or my attention engaged in any personal concern."
+Jolter, who could make no objection to the justness of the conclusion,
+frankly owned that he had no inclination to try the experiment;
+observing, that self-preservation was the first law of nature; that his
+connections with the unhappy lunatic were but slight; and that it could
+not be reasonably expected that he would run such risks for his service
+as were declined by one who had set out with him from England on the
+footing of a companion. This insinuation introduced a dispute upon
+the nature of benevolence, and the moral sense, which, the republican
+argued, existed independent of any private consideration, and could
+never be affected by any contingent circumstance of time and fortune;
+while the other, who abhorred his principles, asserted the duties and
+excellence of private friendship with infinite rancour of altercation.
+
+During the hottest of the argument, they were joined by the Capuchin,
+who being astonished to see them thus virulently engaged at the door,
+and to hear the painter bellowing within the chamber, conjured them, in
+the name of God, to tell him the cause of that confusion which had kept
+the whole house in continual alarm during the best part of the night,
+and seemed to be the immediate work of the devil and his angels. When
+the governor gave him to understand that Pallet was visited with an evil
+spirit, he muttered a prayer of St. Antonio de Padua, and undertook
+to cure the painter, provided he could be secured so as that he might,
+without danger to himself, burn part of a certain relic under his nose,
+which he assured them was equal to the miraculous power of Eleazar's
+ring. They expressed great curiosity to know what this treasure was; and
+the priest was prevailed upon to tell them in confidence, that it was
+a collection of the parings of the nails belonging to those two madmen,
+whom Jesus purged of the legion of devils that afterwards entered
+the swine. So saying, he pulled from one of his pockets a small box,
+containing about an ounce of the parings of a horse's hoof; at sight of
+which the governor could not help smiling, on account of the grossness
+of the imposition. The doctor asked, with a supercilious smile, whether
+those maniacs whom Jesus cured were of the sorrel complexion, or
+dapple-gray; for, from the texture of these parings, he could prove that
+the original owners were of the quadruped order, and even distinguish
+that their feet had been fortified with shoes of iron.
+
+The mendicant, who bore an inveterate grudge against this son of
+Esculapius ever since he had made so free with the Catholic religion,
+replied, with great bitterness, that he was a wretch with whom no
+Christian ought to communicate; that the vengeance of Heaven would one
+day overtake him, on account of his profanity; and that his heart was
+shod with a metal much harder than iron, which nothing but hell fire
+would be able to melt.
+
+It was now broad day, and all the servants of the inn were afoot.
+Peregrine, seeing it would be impossible to obtain any sort of
+indemnification for the time he had lost, and the perturbation of
+his spirits hindering him from enjoying repose, which was moreover
+obstructed by the noise of Pallet and his attendants, put on his clothes
+at once, and, in exceeding ill-humour, arrived at the spot where this
+triumvirate stood debating about the means of overpowering the furious
+painter, who still continued his song of oaths and execrations, and made
+sundry efforts to break open the door. Chagrined as our hero was, he
+could not help laughing when he heard how the patient had been treated;
+and his indignation changing into compassion, he called to him through
+the keyhole, desiring to know the reason of his distracted behaviour.
+Pallet no sooner recognized his voice than, lowering his own to a
+whimpering tone, "My dear friend!" said he, "I have at last detected the
+ruffians who have persecuted me so much. I caught them in the fact of
+suffocating me with cold water; and by the Lord, I will be revenged, or
+may I never live to finish my Cleopatra. For the love of God! open the
+door, and I will make that conceited pagan, that pretender to
+taste, that false devotee of the ancients, who poisons people with
+sillykicabies and devil's dung--I say, I will make him a monument of my
+wrath, and an example to all the cheats and impostors of the faculty;
+and as for that thick-headed insolent pedant, his confederate, who
+emptied my own jordan upon me while I slept, he had better have been in
+his beloved Paris, botching schemes for his friend the Pretender, than
+incur the effects of my resentment. Gadsbodikins! I won't leave him a
+windpipe for the hangman to stop, at the end of another rebellion."
+
+Pickle told him his conduct had been so extravagant as to confirm the
+whole company in the belief that he was actually deprived of his senses:
+on which supposition, Mr. Jolter and the doctor had acted the part
+of friends, in doing that which they thought most conducive to his
+recovery: so that their concern merited his thankful acknowledgment,
+instead of his frantic menaces: that, for his own part, he would be the
+first to condemn him, as one utterly bereft of his wits, and give orders
+for his being secured as a madman, unless he would immediately give a
+proof of his sanity by laying aside his sword, composing his spirits,
+and thanking his injured friends for their care of his person.
+
+This alternative quieted his transports in a moment: he was terrified at
+the apprehension of being treated like a bedlamite, being dubious of
+the state of his own brain; and, on the other hand, had conceived such
+a horror and antipathy for his tormentors, that, far from believing
+himself obliged by what they had done, he could not even think of them
+without the utmost rage and detestation. He, therefore, in the most
+tranquil voice he could assume, protested that he never was less out
+of his senses than at present, though he did not know how long he might
+retain them, if he should be considered in the light of a lunatic: that,
+in order to prove his being Compos mentis, he was willing to sacrifice
+the resentment he so justly harboured against those who, by their
+malice, had brought him to this pass; but, as he apprehended it would
+be the greatest sign of madness he could exhibit to thank them for
+the mischiefs they had brought upon him, he desired to be excused from
+making any such concession; and swore he would endure everything rather
+than be guilty of such mean absurdity.
+
+Peregrine held a consultation upon this reply, when the governor and
+physician strenuously argued against any capitulation with a maniac, and
+proposed that some method might be taken to seize, fetter, and convey
+him into a dark room, where he might be treated according to the rules
+of art; but the Capuchin, understanding the circumstances of the case,
+undertook to restore him to his former state, without having recourse to
+such violent measures. Pickle, who was a better judge of the affair
+than any person present, opened the door without further hesitation, and
+displayed the poor painter standing with a woeful countenance, shivering
+in his shirt, which was as wet as if he had been dragged through the
+Dender:--a spectacle which gave such offence to the chaste eyes of the
+Hebrew's mistress, who was by this time one of the spectators, that she
+turned her head another way, and withdrew to her own room, exclaiming
+against the indecent practices of men.
+
+Pallet, seeing the young gentleman enter, ran to him, and, taking him by
+the hands, called him his best friend, and said he had rescued him from
+those who had a design against his life. The priest would have produced
+his parings and applied them to his nose, but was hindered by Pickle,
+who advised the patient to shift himself, and put on his clothes. This
+being done with great order and deliberation, Mr. Jolter who, with the
+doctor, had kept a wary distance, in expectation of seeing some storage
+effects of his distraction, began to believe that he had been guilty of
+a mistake, and accused the physician of having misled him by his false
+diagnostic. The doctor still insisted upon his former declaration
+assuring him, that although Pallet enjoyed a short interval for the
+present, the delirium would soon recur, unless they would profit by this
+momentary calm, and order him to be blooded, blistered, and purged with
+all imaginable despatch.
+
+The governor, however, notwithstanding this caution, advanced to the
+injured party, and begged pardon for the share he had in giving him
+such disturbance. He declared, in the most solemn manner, that he had no
+other intention than that of contributing towards his welfare; and that
+his behaviour was the result of the physician's prescription, which he
+affirmed was absolutely necessary for the recovery of his health.
+
+The painter, who had very little gall in his disposition, was satisfied
+with this apology; but his resentment, which was before divided, now
+glowed with double fire against his first fellow-traveller, whom he
+looked upon as the author of all the mischances he had undergone,
+and marked out for his vengeance accordingly. Yet the doors of
+reconciliation were not shut against the doctor, who, with great
+justice, might have transferred this load of offence from himself
+to Peregrine, who was, without doubt, the source of the painter's
+misfortune: but, in that case, he must have owned himself mistaken in
+his medical capacity, and he did not think the friendship of Pallet
+important enough to be retrieved by such condescension; so that he
+resolved to neglect him entirely, and gradually forget the former
+correspondence he had maintained with a person whom he deemed so
+unworthy of his notice.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LVIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine, almost distracted with his Disappointment, conjures the
+fair Fleming to permit his Visits at Brussels--She withdraws from his
+Pursuit.
+
+
+Things being thus adjusted, and all the company dressed, they went to
+breakfast about five in the morning; and in less than an hour after were
+seated in the diligence, where a profound silence prevailed. Peregrine,
+who used to be the life of the society, was extremely pensive and
+melancholy on account of his mishap, the Israelite and his dulcinea
+dejected in consequence of their disgrace, the poet absorbed in lofty
+meditation, the painter in schemes of revenge; while Jolter, rocked by
+the motion of the carriage, made himself amends for the want of rest he
+had sustained; and the mendicant, with his fair charge, were infected
+by the cloudy aspect of our youth, in whose disappointment each of
+them, for different reasons, bore no inconsiderable share. This general
+languor and recess from all bodily exercise disposed them all to receive
+the gentle yoke of slumber; and in half-an-hour after they had embarked,
+there was not one of them awake, except our hero and his mistress,
+unless the Capuchin was pleased to counterfeit sleep, in order to
+indulge our young gentleman with an opportunity of enjoying some private
+conversation with his beauteous ward.
+
+Peregrine did not neglect the occasion; but, on the contrary, seized
+the first minute, and, in gentle murmurs, lamented his hard hap in
+being thus the sport of fortune. He assured her, and that with great
+sincerity, that all the cross accidents of his life had not cost him one
+half of the vexation and keenness of chagrin which he had suffered last
+night; and that now he was on the brink of parting from her, he should
+be overwhelmed with the blackest despair, if she would not extend her
+compassion so far as to give him an opportunity of sighing at her feet
+in Brussels, during the few days his affairs would permit him to spend
+in that city. This young lady, with an air of mortification, expressed
+her sorrow for being the innocent cause of his anxiety; said she hoped
+last night's adventure would be a salutary warning to both their souls;
+for she was persuaded, that her virtue was protected by the intervention
+of Heaven; that whatever impression it might have made upon him, she was
+enabled by it to adhere to that duty from which her passion had begun to
+swerve; and, beseeching him to forget her for his own peace, gave him to
+understand, that neither the plan she had laid down for her own conduct,
+nor the dictates of her honour, would allow her to receive his visits,
+or carry on any other correspondence with him, while she was restricted
+by the articles of her marriage-vow.
+
+This explanation produced such a violent effect upon her admirer, that
+he was for some minutes deprived of the faculty of speech; which he no
+sooner recovered, than he gave vent to the most unbridled transports of
+passion. He taxed her with barbarity and indifference; told her, that
+she had robbed him of his reason and internal peace; that he would
+follow her to the ends of the earth, and cease to live sooner than cease
+to love her; that he would sacrifice the innocent fool who had been the
+occasion of all this disquiet, and murder every man whom he considered
+as an obstruction to his views. In a word, his passions, which had
+continued so long in a state of the highest fermentation, together with
+the want of that repose which calms and quiets the perturbation of the
+spirits, had wrought him up to a pitch of real distraction. While he
+uttered these delirious expressions, the tears ran down his cheeks; and
+he underwent such agitation that the tender heart of the fair Fleming
+was affected with his condition: and, while her own face was bedewed
+with the streams of sympathy, she begged him, for Heaven's sake, to be
+composed; and promised, for his satisfaction, to abate somewhat of the
+rigour of her purpose. Consoled by this kind declaration, he recollected
+himself; and, taking out his pencil, gave her his address, when she had
+assured him, that he should hear from her in four-and-twenty hours, at
+farthest, after their separation.
+
+Thus soothed, he regained the empire of himself, and, by degrees,
+recovered his serenity. But this was not the case with his Amanda, who,
+from this sample of his disposition, dreaded the impetuosity of his
+youth, and was effectually deterred from entering into any engagements
+that might subject her peace and reputation to the rash effects of
+such a violent spirit. Though she was captivated by his person and
+accomplishments, she had reflection enough to foresee, that the longer
+she countenanced his passion, her own heart would be more and more
+irretrievably engaged, and the quiet of her life the more exposed to
+continual interruption. She therefore profited by these considerations,
+and a sense of religious honour, which helped her to withstand the
+suggestions of inclination; and resolved to amuse her lover with
+false hopes, until she should have it in her power to relinquish his
+conversation, without running any risk of suffering by the inconsiderate
+sallies of his love. It was with this view that she desired he would not
+insist upon attending her to her mother's house, when they arrived at
+Brussels; and he, cajoled by her artifice, took a formal leave of her,
+together with the other strangers, fixing his habitation at the inn to
+which he and his fellow-travellers had been directed, in the impatient
+expectation of receiving a kind summons from her within the limited
+time.
+
+Meanwhile, in order to divert his imagination, he went to see
+the stadthouse, park, and arsenal, took a superficial view of the
+booksellers' cabinet of curiosities, and spent the evening at the
+Italian opera, which was at that time exhibited for the entertainment
+of Prince Charles of Lorraine, then governor of the Low Countries. In
+short, the stated period was almost lapsed when Peregrine received a
+letter to this purport:--
+
+     "Sir,--If you knew what violence I do my own heart, in
+     declaring, that I have withdrawn myself for ever from your
+     addresses, you would surely applaud the sacrifice I make to
+     virtue, and strive to imitate this example of self-denial.
+     Yes, sir, Heaven hath lent me grace to struggle with my guilty
+     passion, and henceforth to avoid the dangerous sight of him,
+     who inspired it. I therefore conjure you, by the regard you
+     ought to have to the eternal welfare of us both, as well as by
+     the esteem and affection you profess, to war with your unruly
+     inclination, and desist from all attempts of frustrating the
+     laudable resolution I have made. Seek not to invade the peace
+     of one who loves you, to disturb the quiet of a family that
+     never did you wrong, and to alienate the thoughts of a weak
+     woman from a deserving man, who, by the most sacred claim,
+     ought to have the full possession of her heart."
+
+
+This billet, without either date or subscription, banished all remains
+of discretion from the mind of our hero, who ran instantly to the
+landlord in all the ecstasy of madness, and demanded to see the
+messenger who brought the letter on pain of putting his whole family to
+the sword. The innkeeper, terrified by his looks and menaces, fell upon
+his knees, protesting in the face of Heaven that he was utterly ignorant
+and innocent of anything that could give him offence, and that the
+billet was brought by a person whom he did not know, and who retired
+immediately, saying it required no answer. He then gave utterance to his
+fury in a thousand imprecations and invectives against the writer,
+whom he dishonoured with the appellations of a coquette, a jilt, an
+adventurer, who, by means of a pimping priest, had defrauded him of his
+money. He denounced vengeance against the mendicant, whom he swore he
+would destroy if ever he should set eyes on him again.
+
+The painter unluckily appearing during this paroxysm of rage, he seized
+him by the throat, saying he was ruined by his accursed folly; and in
+all likelihood poor Pallet would have been strangled had not Jolter
+interposed in his behalf, beseeching his pupil to have mercy upon the
+sufferer, and, with infinite anxiety, desiring to know the cause of
+this violent assault. He received no answer but a string of incoherent
+curses. When the painter, with unspeakable astonishment, took God to
+witness that he had done nothing to disoblige him, the governor began to
+think, in sad earnest, that Peregrine's vivacity had at length risen to
+the transports of actual madness, and was himself almost distracted with
+this supposition. That he might the better judge what remedy ought to
+be applied, he used his whole influence, and practised all his eloquence
+upon the youth, in order to learn the immediate cause of his delirium.
+He employed the most pathetic entreaties, and even shed tears in the
+course of his supplication; so that Pickle, the first violence of the
+hurricane being blown over, was ashamed of his own imprudence, and
+retired to his chamber in order to recollect his dissipated thoughts;
+there he shut himself up, and for the second time perusing the fatal
+epistle, began to waver in his opinion of the author's character and
+intention. He sometimes considered her as one of those nymphs, who,
+under the mask of innocence and simplicity, practise upon the hearts and
+purses of unwary and inexperienced youths: this was the suggestion of
+his wrath inflamed by disappointment; but when he reflected upon the
+circumstances of her behaviour, and recalled her particular charms to
+his imagination, the severity of his censure gave way and his heart
+declared in favour of her sincerity.
+
+Yet even this consideration aggravated the sense of his loss, and he was
+in danger of relapsing into his former distraction, when his passion was
+a little becalmed by the hope of seeing her again, either by accident
+or in the course of a diligent and minute inquiry, which he forthwith
+resolved to set on foot. He had reason to believe that her own heart
+would espouse his cause in spite of her virtue's determination; and did
+not despair of meeting with the Capuchin, whose good offices he knew he
+could at any time command. Comforted with these reflections, the tempest
+of his soul subsided. In less than two hours he joined his company with
+an air of composure, and asked the painter's forgiveness for the freedom
+he had taken, the cause of which he promised hereafter to explain.
+Pallet was glad of being reconciled on any terms to one whose
+countenance supported him in equilibrio with his antagonist the doctor;
+and Mr. Jolter was rejoiced beyond measure at his pupil's recovery.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LIX.
+
+
+
+Peregrine meets with Mrs. Hornbeck, and is consoled for his Loss--His
+Valet-de-chambre is embroiled with her Duenna, whom, however, he finds
+means to appease.
+
+
+Everything having thus resumed its natural channel, they dined together
+in great tranquility. In the afternoon, Peregrine, on pretence of
+staying at home to write letters, while his companions were at
+the coffee-house, ordered a coach to be called, and, with his
+valet-de-chambre, who was the only person acquainted with the present
+state of his thoughts, set out for the promenade, to which all the
+ladies of fashion resort in the evening during the summer season, in
+hopes of seeing his fugitive among the rest.
+
+Having made a circuit round the walk, and narrowly observed every female
+in the place, he perceived at some distance the livery of Hornbeck upon
+a lacquey that stood at the back of a coach; upon which he ordered his
+man to reconnoitre the said carriage, while he pulled up his glasses,
+that he might not be discovered before he should have received some
+intelligence by which he might conduct himself on this unexpected
+occasion, that already began to interfere with the purpose of his coming
+thither, though it could not dispute his attention with the idea of his
+charming unknown.
+
+His Mercury, having made his observations, reported that there was
+nobody in the coach but Mrs. Hornbeck and an elderly woman, who had all
+the air of a duenna; and that the servant was not the same footman who
+had attended them in France. Encouraged by this information, our hero
+ordered himself to be driven close up to that side of their convenience
+on which his old mistress sat, and accosted her with the usual
+salutation. This lady no sooner beheld her gallant than her cheeks
+reddened with a double glow, and she exclaimed, "Dear brother, I am
+overjoyed to see you! Pray come into our coach." He took the hint
+immediately, and, complying with her request, embraced this new sister
+with great affection.
+
+Perceiving that her attendant was very much surprised and alarmed at
+this unexpected meeting, she, in order to banish her suspicion, and at
+the same time give her lover his cue, told him that his brother (meaning
+her husband) was gone to the Spa for a few weeks, by the advice of
+physicians, on account of his ill state of health; and that, from his
+last letter, she had the pleasure to tell him he was in a fair way of
+doing well. The young gentleman expressed his satisfaction at this
+piece of news; observing, with an air of fraternal concern, that if
+his brother had not made too free with his constitution, his friends in
+England would have had no occasion to repine at his absence and want of
+health, by which he was banished from his own country and connections.
+He then asked, with an affectation of surprise, why she had not
+accompanied her spouse, and was given to understand that his tenderness
+of affection would not suffer him to expose her to the fatigues of the
+journey, which lay among rocks that were almost inaccessible.
+
+The duenna's doubts being eased by this preamble of conversation, he
+changed the subject to the pleasures of the place; and, among other
+such questions, inquired if she had as yet visited Versailles. This is
+a public-house, situated upon the canal, at the distance of about
+two miles from town, and accommodated with tolerable gardens, for the
+entertainment of company. When she replied in the negative, he proposed
+to accompany her thither immediately; but the governante, who had
+hitherto sat silent, objected to this proposal; telling them, in broken
+English, that as the lady was under her care, she could not answer to
+Mr. Hornbeck for allowing her to visit such a suspicious place. "As
+for that matter, madam," said the confident gallant, "give yourself no
+trouble; the consequences shall be at my peril; and I will undertake to
+insure you against my brother's resentment." So saying, he directed the
+coachman to the place, and ordered his own to follow, under the auspices
+of his valet-de-chambre; while the old gentlewoman, overruled by his
+assurance, quietly submitted to his authority.
+
+Being arrived at the place, he handed the ladies from the coach,
+and then, for the first time, observed that the duenna was lame, a
+circumstance of which he did not scruple to take the advantage; for
+they had scarce alighted, and drunk a glass of wine, when he advised his
+sister to enjoy a walk in the garden; and although the attendant made
+shift to keep them almost always in view, they enjoyed a detached
+conversation, in which Peregrine learned that the true cause of her
+being left behind at Brussels, whilst her husband proceeded to Spa, was
+his dread of the company and familiarities of that place, to which his
+jealousy durst not expose her; and that she had lived three weeks in a
+convent at Lisle, from which she was delivered by his own free motion,
+because indeed he could no longer exist without her company; and,
+lastly, our lover understood that her governante was a mere dragon,
+who had been recommended to him by a Spanish merchant, whose wife she
+attended to her dying day; but she very much questioned whether or not
+her fidelity was proof enough against money and strong waters. Peregrine
+assured her the experiment should be tried before parting; and they
+agreed to pass the night at Versailles, provided his endeavours should
+succeed.
+
+Having exercised themselves in this manner, until his duenna's spirits
+were pretty much exhausted, that she might be the be the better
+disposed to recruit them with a glass of liqueur, they returned to their
+apartment, and the cordial was recommended and received in a bumper; but
+as it did not produce such a visible alteration as the sanguine hopes
+of Pickle had made him expect, and the old gentlewoman observed that it
+began to be late, and that the gates would be shut in a little time, he
+filled up a parting glass, and pledged her in equal quantity. Her blood
+was too much chilled to be warmed even by this extraordinary dose, which
+made immediate innovation in the brain of our youth, who, in the gaiety
+of his imagination, overwhelmed this she-Argus with such profusion of
+gallantry, that she was more intoxicated with his expressions than with
+the spirits she had drunk. When in the course of toying he dropped a
+purse into her bosom, she seemed to forget how the night wore, and,
+with the approbation of her charge, assented to his proposal of having
+something for supper.
+
+This was a great point which our adventurer had gained; and yet he
+plainly perceived that the governante mistook his meaning, by giving
+herself credit for all the passion he had professed. As this error could
+be rectified by no other means than those of plying her with the bottle,
+until her distinguishing faculties should be overpowered, he promoted
+a quick circulation. She did him justice, without any manifest signs of
+inebriation, so long, that his own eyes began to reel in the sockets,
+and he found that before his scheme could be accomplished, he should
+be effectually unfitted for all the purposes of love. He therefore had
+recourse to his valet-de-chambre, who understood the hint as soon as it
+was given, and readily undertook to perform the part of which his master
+had played the prelude. This affair being settled to his satisfaction,
+and the night at odds with morning, he took an opportunity of imparting
+to the ear of this aged dulcinea a kind whisper, importing a promise of
+visiting her when his sister should be retired to her own chamber, and
+an earnest desire of leaving her door unlocked.
+
+This agreeable intimation being communicated, he conveyed a caution of
+the same nature to Mrs. Hornbeck, as he led her to her apartment; and
+darkness and silence no sooner prevailed in the house, than he and his
+trusted squire set out on their different voyages. Everything would have
+succeeded according to their wish, had not the valet-de-chambre suffered
+himself to fall asleep at the side of his inamorata, and, in the
+agitation of a violent dream, exclaimed in a voice so unlike that of her
+supposed adorer, that she distinguished the difference at once. Waking
+him with a pinch and a loud shriek, she threatened to prosecute him
+for a rape, and reviled him with all the epithets her rage and
+disappointment could suggest.
+
+The Frenchman, finding himself detected, behaved with great temper and
+address: he begged she would compose herself, on account of her own
+reputation, which was extremely dear to him; protesting that he had a
+most inviolable esteem for her person. His representations had weight
+with the duenna, who, upon recollection, comprehended the whole
+affair, and thought it would be her interest to bring matters to an
+accommodation. She therefore admitted the apologies of her bed-fellow,
+provided he would promise to atone by marriage for the injury she had
+sustained; and in this particular he set her heart at ease by repeated
+vows, which he uttered with surprising volubility, though without any
+intention to perform the least title of their contents.
+
+Peregrine, who had been alarmed by her exclamation, and ran to the
+door with a view of interposing according to the emergency of the case,
+overhearing the affair thus compromised, returned to his mistress, who
+was highly entertained with an account of what had passed, foreseeing
+that for the future she should be under no difficulty or restriction
+from the severity of her guard.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LX.
+
+
+
+Hornbeck is informed of his Wife's Adventure with Peregrine, for whom he
+prepares a Stratagem, which is rendered ineffectual by the Information
+of Pipes--The Husband is ducked for his Intention, and our Hero
+apprehended by the Patrol.
+
+
+There was another person, however, still ungained; and that was no other
+than her footman, whose secrecy our hero attempted to secure in the
+morning by a handsome present, which he received with many professions
+of gratitude and devotion to his service; yet this complaisance was
+nothing but a cloak used to disguise the design he harboured of making
+his master acquainted with the whole transaction. Indeed this lacquey
+had been hired, not only as a spy upon his mistress, but also as a check
+on the conduct of the governante, with promise of ample reward if ever
+he should discover any sinister or suspicious practices in the course of
+her behaviour. As for the footman whom they had brought from England,
+he was retained in attendance upon the person of his master, whose
+confidence he had lost by advising him to gentle methods of reclaiming
+his lady, when her irregularities had subjected her to his wrath.
+
+The Flemish valet, in consequence of the office he had undertaken, wrote
+to Hornbeck by the first post, giving an exact detail of the adventure
+at Versailles, with such a description of the pretended brother as left
+the husband no room to think he could be any other person than his first
+dishonourer; and exasperated him to such a degree, that he resolved
+to lay an ambush for this invader, and at once disqualify him from
+disturbing his repose, by maintaining further correspondence with his
+wife.
+
+Meanwhile the lovers enjoyed themselves without restraint, and
+Peregrine's plan of inquiry after his dear unknown was for the present
+postponed. His fellow-travellers were confounded at his mysterious
+motions, which filled the heart of Jolter with anxiety and terror.
+This careful conductor was fraught with such experience of his pupil's
+disposition, that he trembled with the apprehension of some sudden
+accident, and lived in continual alarm, like a man that walks under the
+wall of a nodding tower. Nor did he enjoy any alleviations of his fears,
+when, upon telling the young gentleman that the rest of the company were
+desirous of departing for Antwerp, he answered, they were at liberty to
+consult their own inclinations; but, for his own part, he was resolved
+to stay in Brussels a few days longer. By this declaration the governor
+was confirmed in the opinion of his having some intrigue upon the anvil.
+In the bitterness of his vexation, he took the liberty of signifying his
+suspicion, and reminding him of the dangerous dilemmas to which he had
+been reduced by his former precipitation.
+
+Peregrine took his caution in good part, and promised to behave
+with such circumspection as would screen him from any troublesome
+consequences for the future: but, nevertheless, behaved that same
+evening in such a manner as plainly showed that his prudence was nothing
+else than vain speculation. He had made an appointment to spend the
+night, as usual, with Mrs. Hornbeck; and about nine o'clock hastened to
+her lodgings, when he was accosted in the street by his old discarded
+friend Thomas Pipes, who, without any other preamble, told him, that for
+all he had turned him adrift, he did not choose to see him run full
+sail into his enemy's harbour, without giving him timely notice of the
+danger. "I'll tell you what," said he; "mayhap you think I want to curry
+favour, that I may be taken in tow again; if you do, you have made a
+mistake in your reckoning. I am old enough to be laid up, and have to
+keep my planks from the weather. But this here is the affair: I have
+known you since you were no higher than a marlinspike, and shouldn't
+care to see you deprived of your rigging at these years; whereby I
+am informed by Hornbeck's man, whom I this afternoon fell in with by
+chance, as how his master has got intelligence of your boarding his
+wife, and has steered privately into this port with a large complement
+of hands, in order, d'ye see, to secure you while you are under the
+hatches. Now, if so be as how you have a mind to give him a salt eel for
+his supper, here am I, without hope of fee or reward, ready to stand
+by you as long as my timbers will stick together: and if I expect any
+recompense, may I be bound to eat oakum and drink bilge-water for life."
+
+Startled at this information, Peregrine examined him upon the
+particulars of his discourse with the lacquey; and when he understood
+that Hornbeck's intelligence flowed from the canal of his Flemish
+footman, he believed every circumstance of Tom's report, thanked him for
+his warning, and, after having reprimanded him for his misbehaviour at
+Lisle, assured him that it should be his own fault if ever they should
+part again. He then deliberated with himself whether or not he should
+retort the purpose upon his adversary; but when he considered that
+Hornbeck was not the aggressor, and made that unhappy husband's case his
+own, he could not help quitting his intention of revenge; though, in his
+opinion, it ought to have been executed in a more honourable manner, and
+therefore he determined to chastise him for his want of spirit. Nothing
+surely can be more insolent and unjust than this determination, which
+induced him to punish a person for his want of courage to redress the
+injury which he himself had done to his reputation and peace; and yet
+this barbarity of decision is authorised by the opinion and practice of
+mankind.
+
+With these sentiments he returned to the inn, and, putting a pair of
+pistols in his pocket, ordered his valet-de-chambre and Pipes to follow
+him at a small distance, so as that they should be within call in
+case of necessity, and then posted himself within thirty yards of his
+dulcinea's door. There he had not been above half an hour, when he
+perceived four men take their station on the other side, with a view, as
+he guessed, to watch for his going in, that he might be taken unaware.
+But when they had tarried a considerable time in that corner, without
+reaping the fruits of their expectation, their leader, persuaded that
+the gallant had gained admittance by some secret means, approached the
+door with his followers, who, according to the instructions they had
+received, no sooner saw it opened, than they rushed in, leaving their
+employer in the street, where he thought his person would be least
+endangered. Our adventurer, seeing him all alone, advanced with speed,
+and clapping a pistol to his breast, commanded him to follow his
+footsteps without noise, on pain of immediate death.
+
+Terrified at this sudden apparition, Hornbeck obeyed in silence; and, in
+a few minutes, they arrived at the quay, where Pickle, halting, gave
+him to understand that he was no stranger to his villainous design; told
+him, that if he conceived himself injured by any circumstance of his
+conduct, he would now give him an opportunity of resenting the wrong in
+a manner becoming a man of honour. "You have a sword about you," said
+he; "or, if you don't choose to put the affair on that issue, here is a
+brace of pistols; take which you please." Such an address could not fail
+to disconcert a man of his character. After some hesitation, he, in a
+faltering accent, denied that his design was to mutilate Mr. Pickle, but
+that he thought himself entitled to the benefit of the law, by which he
+would have obtained a divorce, if he could have procured evidence of his
+wife's infidelity; and, with that view, he had employed people to
+take advantage of the information he had received. With regard to this
+alternative, he declined it entirely, because he could not see what
+satisfaction he should enjoy in being shot through the head, or run
+through the lungs, by a person who had already wronged him in an
+irreparable manner. Lastly, his fear made him propose that the affair
+should be left to the arbitration of two creditable men, altogether
+unconcerned in the dispute.
+
+To these remonstrances Peregrine replied, in the style of a hot-headed
+young man, conscious of his own unjustifiable behaviour, that every
+gentleman ought to be a judge of his own honour and therefore he would
+submit to the decision of no umpire whatsoever; that he would forgive
+his want of courage, which might be a natural infirmity, but his mean
+dissimulation he could not pardon. That, as he was certified of the
+rascally intent of his ambuscade by undoubted intelligence, he would
+treat him, not with a retaliation of his own treachery, but with such
+indignity as a scoundrel deserves to suffer, unless he would make one
+effort to maintain the character he assumed in life. So saying, he again
+presented his pistols, which being rejected as before, he called his two
+ministers, and ordered them to duck him in the canal.
+
+This command was pronounced and executed almost in the same breath, to
+the unspeakable terror and disorder of the poor shivering patient, who,
+having undergone the immersion, ran about like a drowned rat, squeaking
+for assistance and revenge. His cries were overheard by the patrol,
+who, chancing to pass that way, took him under their protection, and,
+in consequence of his complaint and information, went in pursuit of our
+adventurer and his attendants, who were soon overtaken and surrounded.
+Rash and inconsiderate as the young gentleman was, he did not pretend
+to stand upon the defensive against a file of musketeers, although Pipes
+had drawn his cutlass at their approach, but surrendered himself without
+opposition, and was conveyed to the main guard, where the commanding
+officer, engaged by his appearance and address, treated him with all
+imaginable respect. Hearing the particulars of his adventure, he assured
+him that the prince would consider the whole as a tour de jeunesse, and
+order him to be released without delay.
+
+Next morning, when this gentleman gave in his report, he made such a
+favourable representation of the prisoner, that our hero was on the
+point of being discharged, when Hornbeck preferred a complaint, accusing
+him of a purposed assassination, and praying that such punishment should
+be inflicted upon him as his highness should think adequate to the
+nature of the crime. The prince, perplexed with this petition, in
+consequence of which he foresaw that he must disoblige a British
+subject, sent for the plaintiff, of whom he had some knowledge, and, in
+person, exhorted him to drop the prosecution, which would only serve to
+propagate his own shame. But Hornbeck was too much incensed to listen to
+any proposal of that kind, and peremptorily demanded justice against
+the prisoner, whom he represented as an obscure adventurer, who had made
+repeated attempts upon his honour and his life. Prince Charles told him,
+that what he had advised was in the capacity of a friend; but, since he
+insisted upon his acting as a magistrate, the affair should be examined,
+and determined according to the dictates of justice and truth.
+
+The petitioner being dismissed with this promise, the defendant was, in
+his turn, brought before the judge, whose prepossession in his favour
+was in a great measure weakened by what his antagonist had said to the
+prejudice of his birth and reputation.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine is released--Jolter confounded at his mysterious Conduct--A
+Contest happens between the Poet and Painter, who are reconciled by the
+Mediation of their Fellow-Travellers.
+
+
+Our hero, understanding from some expressions which escaped the prince,
+that he was considered in the light of a sharper and assassin, begged
+that he might have the liberty of sending for some vouchers, that would
+probably vindicate his character from the malicious aspersions of his
+adversary. This permission being granted, he wrote a letter to
+his governor, desiring that he would bring to him the letters of
+recommendation which he had received from the British ambassador at
+Paris, and such other papers as he thought conducive to evince the
+importance of his situation.
+
+The billet was given in charge to one of the subaltern officers on
+duty, who carried it to the inn, and demanded to speak with Mr. Jolter.
+Pallet, who happened to be at the door when this messenger arrived,
+and heard him inquire for the tutor, ran directly to that gentleman's
+apartment, and in manifest disorder, told him that a huge fellow of
+a soldier, with a monstrous pair of whiskers, and fur cap as big as a
+bushel, was asking for him at the door. The poor governor began to shake
+at this intimation, though he was not conscious of having committed
+anything that could attract the attention of the state. When the officer
+appeared at his chamber door, his confusion increased to such a degree,
+that his perception seemed to vanish, and the subaltern repeated the
+purport of his errand three times, before he could comprehend his
+meaning, or venture to receive the letter which he presented. At length
+he summoned all his fortitude, and having perused the epistle, his
+terror sank into anxiety. His ingenuous fear immediately suggested, that
+Peregrine was confined in a dungeon, for some outrage he had committed.
+He ran with great agitation to a trunk, and, taking out a bundle of
+papers, followed his conductor, being attended by the painter, to whom
+he had hinted his apprehension.
+
+When they passed through the guard, which was under arms, the hearts of
+both died within them; and when they came into the presence, there was
+such an expression of awful horror on the countenance of Jolter, that
+the prince, observing his dismay, was pleased to encourage him with an
+assurance that he had nothing to fear. Thus comforted, he recollected
+himself so well as to understand his pupil, when he desired him to
+produce the ambassador's letters; some of which being open, were
+immediately read by his highness, who was personally acquainted with the
+writer, and knew several of the noblemen to whom they were addressed.
+These recommendations were so warm, and represented the young gentleman
+in such an advantageous light, that the prince, convinced of the
+injustice his character had suffered by the misrepresentation of
+Hornbeck, took our hero by the hand, asked pardon for the doubts he had
+entertained of his honour, declared him from that moment at liberty,
+ordered his domestics to be enlarged, and offered him his countenance
+and protection as long as he should remain in the Austrian Netherlands.
+At the same time, he cautioned him against indiscretion in the course
+of his gallantries; and took his word of honour, that he should drop
+all measures of resentment against the person of Hornbeck during his
+residence in that place.
+
+The delinquent, thus honourably acquitted, thanked the prince in the
+most respectful manner for his generosity and candour, and retired with
+his two friends, who were amazed and bewildered in their thoughts
+at what they had seen and heard, the whole adventure still remaining
+without the sphere of their comprehension, which was not at all
+enlarged by the unaccountable appearance of Pipes, who, with the
+valet-de-chambre, joined them at the castle gate. Had Jolter been a man
+of a luxuriant imagination, his brain would undoubtedly have suffered in
+the investigation of his pupil's mysterious conduct, which he strove in
+vain to unravel; but his intellects were too solid to be affected by the
+miscarriage of his invention; and, as Peregrine did not think proper
+to make him acquainted with the cause of his being apprehended, he
+contented himself with supposing that there was a lady in the case.
+
+The painter, whose imagination was of a more flimsy texture, formed a
+thousand chimerical conjectures, which he communicated to Pickle,
+in imperfect insinuations, hoping, by his answers and behaviour, to
+discover the truth: but the youth, in order to tantalise him, eluded all
+his inquiries, with such appearance of industry and art, as heightened
+his curiosity, while it disappointed his aim, and inflamed him to such
+a degree of impatience, that his wits began to be unsettled: then
+Peregrine was fain to recompose his brain, by telling him in confidence,
+that he had been arrested as a spy. This secret he found more
+intolerable than his former uncertainty. He ran from one apartment to
+another, like a goose in the agonies of egg-laying, with intention of
+disburdening this important load; but Jolter being engaged with the
+pupil, and all the people of the house ignorant of the only language
+he could speak, he was compelled, with infinite reluctance, to address
+himself to the doctor, who was at that time shut up in his own chamber.
+Having knocked at the door to no purpose, he peeped through the
+key-hole, and saw the physician sitting at a table, with a pen in one
+hand, and paper before him, his head reclined upon his other hand, and
+his eyes fixed upon the ceiling, as if he had been entranced. Pallet,
+concluding that he was under the power of some convulsion, endeavoured
+to force the door open, and the noise of his efforts recalled the doctor
+from his reverie.
+
+This poetical republican, being so disagreeably disturbed, started up
+in a passion, and, opening the door, no sooner perceived who had
+interrupted him, than he flung it in his face with great fury, and
+cursed him for his impertinent intrusion, which had deprived him of the
+most delightful vision that ever regaled the human fancy. He imagined,
+as he afterwards imparted to Peregrine, that, as he enjoyed himself in
+walking through the flowery plain that borders on Parnassus, he was met
+by a venerable sage, whom, by a certain divine vivacity that lightened
+from his eyes, he instantly knew to be the immortal Pindar. He was
+immediately struck with reverence and awe, and prostrated himself before
+the apparition, which, taking him by the hand, lifted him gently from
+the ground and, with words more sweet than the honey of the Hybla
+bees, told him, that, of all the moderns, he alone was visited by
+that celestial impulse by which he himself had been inspired, when he
+produced his most applauded odes. So saying, he led him up the sacred
+hill, persuaded him to drink a copious draught of the waters of the
+Hippocrene, and then presented him to the harmonious Nine, who crowned
+his temples with a laurel wreath.
+
+No wonder that he was enraged to find himself cut off from such sublime
+society. He raved in Greek against the invader, who was so big with
+his own purpose, that, unmindful of the disgrace he had sustained, and
+disregarding all the symptoms of the physician's displeasure, he applied
+his mouth to the door, in an eager tone. "I'll hold you any wager," said
+he, "that I guess the true cause of Mr. Pickle's imprisonment." To this
+challenge he received no reply, and therefore repeated it, adding, "I
+suppose you imagine he was taken up for fighting a duel, or affronting a
+nobleman, or lying with some man's wife, or some such matter: but, egad!
+you was never more mistaken in your life; and I'll lay my Cleopatra
+against your Homer's head, that in four-and-twenty hours you shan't
+light on the true reason."
+
+The favourite of the muses, exasperated at this vexatious perseverance
+of the painter, who he imagined had come to tease and insult him, "I
+would," said he, "sacrifice a cock to Esculapius, were I assured that
+any person had been taken up for extirpating such a troublesome Goth as
+you are from the face of the earth. As for your boasted Cleopatra, which
+you say was drawn from your own wife, I believe the copy has as much of
+the to kalon as the original: but, were it mine, it should be hung up
+in the Temple of Cloacina, as the picture of that goddess; for any
+other apartment would be disgraced by its appearance."--"Hark ye, sir,"
+replied Pallet, enraged in his turn at the contemptuous mention of his
+darling performance, "you may make as free with my wife as you think
+proper, but 'ware my works; those are the children of my fancy,
+conceived by the glowing imagination, and formed by the art of my own
+hands: and you yourself are a Goth, and a Turk, and a Tartar, and
+an impudent pretending jackanapes, to treat with such disrespect a
+production which, in the opinion of all the connoisseurs of the age,
+will, when finished, be a masterpiece in its kind, and do honour to
+human genius and skill. So I say again and again, and I care not
+though your friend Playtor heard me, that you have no more taste than a
+drayman's horse, and that those foolish notions of the ancients ought to
+be drubbed out of you with a pod cudgel, that you might learn to treat
+men of parts with more veneration. Perhaps you may not always be in the
+company of one who will halloo for assistance when you are on the brink
+of being chastised for your insolence, as I did, when you brought upon
+yourself the resentment of that Scot, who, by the Lord! would have paid
+you both scot and lot, as Falstaff says, if the French officer had not
+put him in arrest."
+
+The physician, to this declamation, which was conveyed through the
+key-hole, answered, that he (the painter) was a fellow so infinitely
+below his consideration, that his conscience upbraided him with no
+action of his life, except that of choosing such a wretch for his
+companion and fellow-traveller. That he had viewed his character through
+the medium of good-nature and compassion, which had prompted him to give
+Pallet an opportunity of acquiring some new ideas under his immediate
+instruction; but he had abused his goodness and condescension in such a
+flagrant manner, that he was now determined to discard him entirely
+from his acquaintance; and desired him, for the present, to take himself
+away, on pain of being kicked for his presumption.
+
+Pallet was too much incensed to be intimidated by this threat, which he
+retorted with great virulence, defying him to come forth, that it might
+appear which of them was best skilled in that pedestrian exercise, which
+he immediately began to practise against the door with such thundering
+application, as reached the ears of Pickle and his governor, who coming
+out into the passage, and seeing him thus employed, asked if he had
+forgot the chamber-pots of Alost, that he ventured to behave in such a
+manner as entitled him to a second prescription of the same nature.
+
+The doctor, understanding that there was company at hand, opened the
+door in a twinkling, and, springing upon his antagonist like a tiger, a
+fierce contention would have ensued, to the infinite satisfaction of
+our hero, had not Jolter, to the manifest peril of his own person,
+interposed, and partly by force, and partly by exhortations, put a stop
+to the engagement before it was fairly begun. After having demonstrated
+the indecency of such a vulgar rencontre, betwixt two fellow-citizens
+in a foreign land, he begged to know the cause of their dissension,
+and offered his good offices towards an accommodation. Peregrine also,
+seeing the fray was finished, expressed himself to the same purpose;
+and the painter, for obvious reasons, declining an explanation, his
+antagonist told the youth what a mortifying interruption he had suffered
+by the impertinent intrusion of Pallet, and gave him a detail of the
+particulars of his vision, as above recited. The arbiter owned the
+provocation was not to be endured; and decreed that the offender should
+make some atonement for his transgression. Upon which the painter
+observed, that, however he might have been disposed to make
+acknowledgments, if the physician had signified his displeasure like
+a gentleman, the complainant had now forfeited all claim to any such
+concessions, by the vulgar manner in which he had reviled him and his
+productions; observing, that, if he (the painter) had been inclined to
+retort his slanderous insinuations, the republican's own works would
+have afforded ample subject for his ridicule and censure.
+
+After divers disputes and representations, peace was at length
+concluded, on condition, that, for the future, the doctor should never
+mention Cleopatra, unless he could say something in her praise; and that
+Pallet, in consideration of his having been the first aggressor, should
+make a sketch of the physician's vision, to be engraved and prefixed to
+the next edition of his odes.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXII.
+
+
+
+The Travellers depart for Antwerp, at which place the Painter gives a
+loose to his Enthusiasm.
+
+
+Our adventurer, baffled in all his efforts to retrieve his lost
+Amanda, yielded at length to the remonstrances of his governor and
+fellow-travellers, who, out of pure complaisance to him, had exceeded
+their intended stay by six days at least; and a couple of post-chaises,
+with three riding-horses, being hired, they departed from Brussels in
+the morning, dined at Mechlin, and arrived about eight in the evening
+at the venerable city of Antwerp. During this day's journey Pallet was
+elevated to an uncommon flow of spirits, with the prospect of seeing the
+birthplace of Rubens, for whom he professed an enthusiastic admiration.
+He swore, that the pleasure he felt was equal to that of a Mussulman, on
+the last day of his pilgrimage to Mecca; and that he already considered
+himself a native of Antwerp, being so intimately acquainted with their
+so justly boasted citizen, from whom, at certain junctures, he could
+not help believing himself derived, because his own pencil adopted the
+manner of that great man with surprising facility, and his face wanted
+nothing but a pair of whiskers and a beard, to exhibit the express
+image of the Fleming's countenance. He told them he was so proud of this
+resemblance, that, in order to render it more striking, he had, at one
+time of his life, resolved to keep his face sacred from the razor;
+and in that purpose had persevered, notwithstanding the continual
+reprehensions of Mrs. Pallet, (who, being then with child), said, his
+aspect was so hideous, that she dreaded a miscarriage every hour, until
+she threatened in plain terms, to dispute the sanity of his intellects,
+and apply to the chancellor for a committee.
+
+The doctor, on this occasion, observed, that a man who is not proof
+against the solicitations of a woman, can never expect to make a great
+figure in life; that painters and poets ought to cultivate no wives but
+the Muses; or, if they are by the accidents of fortune encumbered with
+families, they should carefully guard against that pernicious weakness,
+falsely honoured with the appellation of natural affection, and pay no
+manner of regard to the impertinent customs of the world. "Granting that
+you had been for a short time deemed a lunatic," said he, "you
+might have acquitted yourself honourably of that imputation, by some
+performance that would have raised your character above all censure.
+Sophocles himself, that celebrated tragic poet, who, for the sweetness
+of his versification, was styled Melitta, or "the Bee," in his old age,
+suffered the same accusation from his own children, who, seeing him
+neglect his family affairs, and devote himself entirely to poetry,
+carried him before the magistrate, as a man whose intellects were so
+much impaired by the infirmities of age, that he was no longer fit to
+manage his domestic concerns; upon which the reverend bard produced his
+tragedy of Oidipus epi Kolono, as a work he had just finished; which
+being perused, instead of being declared unsound of understanding,
+he was dismissed with admiration and applause. I wish your beard and
+whiskers had been sanctioned by the like authority; though I am afraid
+you would have been in the predicament of those disciples of a certain
+philosopher, who drank decoctions of cummin seeds, that their faces
+might adopt the paleness of their master's complexion, hoping that, in
+being as wan, they would be as learned as their teacher." The painter,
+stung by this sarcasm, replied, "or like those virtuosi, who, by
+repeating Greek, eating sillikicaby, and pretending to see visions,
+think they equal the ancients in taste and genius." The physician
+retorted, Pallet rejoined, and the altercation continued until they
+entered the gates of Antwerp, when the admirer of Rubens broke forth
+into a rapturous exclamation, which put an end to the dispute and
+attracted the notice of the inhabitants, many of whom by shrugging up
+their shoulders and pointing to their foreheads, gave shrewd indications
+that they believed him a poor gentleman disordered in his brain.
+
+They had no sooner alighted at the inn, than this pseudo-enthusiast
+proposed to visit the great church, in which he had been informed some
+of his master's pieces were to be seen, and was remarkably chagrined,
+when he understood that he could not be admitted till next day. He rose
+next morning by day-break, and disturbed his fellow-travellers in such a
+noisy and clamorous manner, that Peregrine determined to punish him with
+some new infliction, and, while he put on his clothes, actually
+formed the plan of promoting a duel between him and the doctor, in the
+management of which, he promised himself store of entertainment, from
+the behaviour of both.
+
+Being provided with one of those domestics who are always in waiting
+to offer their services to strangers on their first arrival, they were
+conducted to the house of a gentleman who had an excellent collection
+of pictures; and though the greatest part of them were painted by his
+favourite artist, Pallet condemned them all by the lump, because Pickle
+had told him beforehand that there was not one performance of Rubens
+among the number.
+
+The next place they visited was what is called the Academy of Painting,
+furnished with a number of paltry pieces, in which our painter
+recognised the style of Peter Paul, with many expressions of admiration,
+on the same sort of previous intelligence.
+
+From this repository, they went to the great church; and being led
+to the tomb of Rubens, the whimsical painter fell upon his knees,
+and worshipped with such appearance of devotion, that the attendant,
+scandalized at his superstition, pulled him up, observing, with great
+warmth, that the person buried in that place was no saint, but as great
+a sinner as himself; and that, if he was spiritually disposed, there was
+a chapel of the Blessed Virgin, at the distance of three yards on the
+right hand, to which he might retire. He thought it was incumbent upon
+him to manifest some extraordinary inspiration, while he resided on the
+spot where Rubens was born; and, therefore, his whole behaviour was an
+affectation of rapture, expressed in distracted exclamations, convulsive
+starts, and uncouth gesticulations. In the midst of this frantic
+behaviour, he saw an old Capuchin, with a white beard, mount the pulpit,
+and hold forth to the congregation with such violence of emphasis and
+gesture, as captivated his fancy; and, bawling aloud, "Zounds! what
+an excellent Paul preaching at Athens!" he pulled a pencil and a small
+memorandum book from his pocket, and began to take a sketch of the
+orator, with great eagerness and agitation, saying "Egad! friend
+Raphael, we shall see whether you or I have got the best knack at
+trumping up an apostle." This appearance of disrespect gave offence to
+the audience, who began to murmur against this heretic libertine; when
+one of the priests belonging to the choir, in order to prevent any ill
+consequence from their displeasure, came and told him in the French
+language, that such liberties were not permitted in their religion, and
+advised him to lay aside his implements, lest the people should take
+umbrage at his design, and be provoked to punish him as a profane
+scoffer at their worship.
+
+The painter, seeing himself addressed by a friar, who, while he spoke,
+bowed with great complaisance, imagined that he was a begging brother
+come to supplicate his charity; and his attention being quite engrossed
+by the design he was making, he patted the priest's shaven crown with
+his hand, saying, Oter tems, oter tems, and then resumed his pencil with
+great earnestness. The ecclesiastic, perceiving that the stranger did
+not comprehend his meaning, pulled him by the sleeve, and explained
+himself in the Latin tongue: upon which Pallet, provoked at his
+intrusion, cursed him aloud for an impudent beggarly son of a w--, and,
+taking out a shilling, flung it upon the pavement, with manifest signs
+of indignation.
+
+Some of the common people, enraged to see their religion contemned, and
+their priests insulted at the very altar, rose from their seats, and,
+surrounding the astonished painter, one of the number snatched his book
+from his hand, and tore it into a thousand pieces. Frightened as he was,
+he could not help crying "Fire and fagots! all my favourite ideas are
+gone to wreck!" and was in danger of being very roughly handled by the
+crowd, had not Peregrine stepped in, and assured them, that he was a
+poor unhappy gentleman, who laboured under a transport of the brain.
+Those who understood the French language communicated this information
+to the rest, so that he escaped without any other chastisement than
+being obliged to retire. And as they could not see the famous Descent
+from the Cross till after the service was finished, they were conducted
+by their domestic to the house of a painter, where they found a
+beggar standing for his picture, and the artist actually employed in
+representing a huge louse that crawled upon his shoulder. Pallet was
+wonderfully pleased with this circumstance, which he said was altogether
+a new thought, and an excellent hint, of which he would make his
+advantage: and, in the course of his survey of this Fleming's
+performances, perceiving a piece in which two flies were engaged upon
+the carcass of a dog half devoured, he ran to his brother brush, and
+swore he was worthy of being a fellow-citizen of the immortal Rubens.
+He then lamented, with many expressions of grief and resentment, that
+he had lost his commonplace book, in which he had preserved a thousand
+conceptions of the same sort, formed by the accidental objects of
+his senses and imagination; and took an opportunity of telling his
+fellow-travellers, that in execution he had equalled, if not
+excelled, the two ancient painters who had vied with each other in the
+representation of a curtain and a bunch of grapes; for he had exhibited
+the image of a certain object so like to nature, that the bare sight of
+it set a whole hog-sty in an uproar.
+
+When he had examined and applauded all the productions of this minute
+artist, they returned to the great church, and were entertained with
+the view of that celebrated masterpiece of Rubens, in which he has
+introduced the portraits of himself and his whole family. The doors
+that conceal this capital performance were no sooner unfolded, than our
+enthusiast, debarred the use of speech, by a previous covenant with his
+friend Pickle, lifted up his hands and eyes, and putting himself in the
+attitude of Hamlet, when his father's ghost appears, adored in silent
+ecstasy and awe. He even made a merit of necessity; and, when they
+had withdrawn from the place, protested that his whole faculties were
+swallowed up in love and admiration. He now professed himself more than
+ever enamoured of the Flemish school, raved in extravagant encomiums,
+and proposed that the whole company should pay homage to the memory
+of the divine Rubens, by repairing forthwith to the house in which he
+lived, and prostrating themselves on the floor of his painting-room.
+
+As there was nothing remarkable in the tenement, which had been rebuilt
+more than once since the death of that great man, Peregrine excused
+himself from complying with the proposal, on pretence of being fatigued
+with the circuit they had already performed. Jolter declined it for the
+same reason; and the question being put to the doctor, he refused his
+company with an air of disdain. Pallet, piqued at his contemptuous
+manner, asked, "if he would not go and see the habitation of Pindoor,
+provided he was in the city where that poet lived?" and when the
+physician observed, that there was an infinite difference between the
+men, "That I'll allow," replied the painter, "for the devil a poet ever
+lived in Greece or Troy, that was worthy to clean the pencils of our
+beloved Rubens." The physician could not, with any degree of temper
+and forbearance, hear this outrageous blasphemy, for which, he said,
+Pallet's eyes ought to be picked out by owls; and the dispute arose,
+as usual, to such scurrilities of language, and indecency of behaviour,
+that passengers began to take notice of their animosity, and Peregrine
+was obliged to interpose for his own credit.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine artfully foments a Quarrel between Pallet and the Physician,
+who fight a Duel on the Ramparts.
+
+
+The painter betook himself to the house of the Flemish Raphael, and
+the rest of the company went back to their lodgings; where the young
+gentleman, taking the advantage of being alone with the physician,
+recapitulated all the affronts he had sustained from the painter's
+petulance, aggravating every circumstance of the disgrace, and advising
+him, in the capacity of a friend, to take care of his honour, which
+could not fail to suffer in the opinion of the world, if he allowed
+himself to be insulted with impunity, by one so much his inferior in
+every degree of consideration.
+
+The physician assured him, that Pallet had hitherto escaped
+chastisement, by being deemed an object unworthy his resentment, and
+in consideration of the wretch's family, for which his compassion was
+interested; but that repeated injuries would inflame the most benevolent
+disposition. And, though he could find no precedent of duelling among
+the Greeks and Romans, whom he considered as the patterns of demeanour,
+Pallet should no longer avail himself of his veneration for the
+ancients, but be punished for the very next offence he should commit.
+
+Having thus spirited up the doctor to a resolution from which he could
+not decently swerve, our adventurer acted the incendiary with the other
+party also; giving him to understand, that the physician treated his
+character with such contempt, and behaved to him with such insolence, as
+no gentleman ought to bear: that, for his own part, he was every day put
+out of countenance by their mutual animosity, which appeared in nothing
+but vulgar expressions, more becoming shoe-boys and oyster-women
+than men of honour and education; and therefore he should be obliged,
+contrary to his inclination, to break off all correspondence with them
+both, if they would not fall upon some method to retrieve the dignity of
+their characters.
+
+These representations would have had little effect upon the timidity of
+the painter, who was likewise too much of a Grecian to approve of single
+combat, in any other way than that of boxing, an exercise in which he
+was well skilled, had they not been accompanied with an insinuation,
+that his antagonist was no Hector, and that he might humble him into any
+concession, without running the least personal risk. Animated by this
+assurance, our second Rubens set the trumpet of defiance to his mouth,
+swore he valued not his life a rush, when his honour was concerned, and
+entreated Mr. Pickle to be the bearer of a challenge, which he would
+instantly commit to writing.
+
+The mischievous fomenter highly applauded this manifestation of courage,
+by which he was at liberty to cultivate his friendship and society,
+but declined the office of carrying the billet, that his tenderness of
+Pallet's reputation might not be misinterpreted into an officious desire
+of promoting quarrels. At the same time, he recommended Tom Pipes, not
+only as a very proper messenger on this occasion, but also as a trusty
+second in the field. The magnanimous painter took his advice, and,
+retiring to his chamber, penned a challenge in these terms:--
+
+     "Sir,--When I am heartily provoked, I fear not the devil
+     himself; much less--I will not call you a pedantic coxcomb,
+     nor an unmannerly fellow, because these are the hippethets of
+     the vulgar; but, remember, such as you are, I nyther love you
+     nor fear you; but, on the contrary, expect satisfaction for your
+     audacious behaviour to me on divers occasions; and will, this
+     evening, in the twilight, meet you on the ramparts with sword
+     and pistol, where the Lord have mercy on the soul of one of us,
+     for your body shall find no favour with your incensed defier
+     till death,
+                                      "Layman Pallet."
+
+This resolute defiance, after having been submitted to the perusal, and
+honoured with the approbation of our youth, was committed to the charge
+of Pipes, who, according to his orders, delivered it in the afternoon;
+and brought for answer, that the physician would attend him at the
+appointed time and place. The challenger was evidently discomposed at
+the unexpected news of this acceptance, and ran about the house in
+great disorder, in quest of Peregrine, to beg his further advice and
+assistance; but understanding that the youth was engaged in private with
+his adversary, he began to suspect some collusion, and cursed himself
+for his folly and precipitation. He even entertained some thoughts
+of retracting his invitation, and submitting to the triumph of his
+antagonist: but before he would stoop to this opprobrious condescension,
+he resolved to try another expedient, which might be the means of saving
+both his character and person. In this hope he visited Mr. Jolter, and
+very gravely desired he would be so good as to undertake the office
+of his second in a duel which he was to fight that evening with the
+physician.
+
+The governor, instead of answering his expectation, in expressing
+fear and concern, and breaking forth into exclamations of "Good God!
+gentlemen, what d'ye mean? You shall not murder one another while it is
+in my power to prevent your purpose. I will go directly to the governor
+of the place, who shall interpose his authority--I say--" instead
+of these and other friendly menaces of prevention, Jolter heard the
+proposal with the most phlegmatic tranquility, and excused himself from
+accepting the honour he intended for him, on account of his character
+and situation, which would not permit him to be concerned in any such
+rencontres. Indeed, this mortifying reception was owing to a previous
+hint from Peregrine, who, dreading some sort of interruption from his
+governor, had made him acquainted with his design, and assured him, that
+the affair should not be brought to any dangerous issue.
+
+Thus disappointed, the dejected challenger was overwhelmed with
+perplexity and dismay; and, in the terrors of death or mutilation,
+resolved to deprecate the wrath of his enemy, and conform to any
+submission he should propose, when he was accidentally encountered by
+our adventurer, who, with demonstrations of infinite satisfaction, told
+him in confidence, that the billet had thrown the doctor into an agony
+of consternation; that his acceptance of his challenge was a mere effort
+of despair, calculated to confound the ferocity of the sender, and
+dispose him to listen to terms of accommodation; that he had imparted
+the letter to him with fear and trembling, on pretence of engaging him
+as a second, but, in reality, with a view of obtaining his good offices
+in promoting a reconciliation; "but, perceiving the situation of his
+mind," added our hero, "I thought it would be more for your honour to
+baffle his expectation, and therefore I readily undertook the task of
+attending him to the field, in full assurance that he will there humble
+himself before you, even to prostration. In this security, you may go
+and prepare your arms, and bespeak the assistance of Pipes, who will
+squire you in the field, while I keep myself up, that our correspondence
+may not be suspected by the physician." Pallet's spirits, that were
+sunk to dejection, rose at this encouragement to all the insolence of
+triumph; he again declared his contempt of danger, and his pistols being
+loaded and accommodated with new flints, by his trusty armour-bearer, he
+waited, without flinching, for the hour of battle.
+
+On the first approach of twilight, somebody knocked at his door,
+and Pipes having opened it at his desire, he heard the voice of his
+antagonist pronounce, "Tell Mr. Pallet that I am going to the place
+of appointment." The painter was not a little surprised at this
+anticipation, which so ill agreed with the information he had received
+from Pickle; and his concern beginning to recur, he fortified himself
+with a large bumper of brandy, which, however, did not overcome the
+anxiety of his thoughts. Nevertheless, he set out on the expedition with
+his second, betwixt whom and himself the following dialogue passed, in
+their way to the ramparts.
+
+"Mr. Pipes," said the painter, with disordered accent, "methinks the
+doctor was in a pestilent hurry with that message of his."--"Ey, ey,"
+answered Tom, "I do suppose he longs to be foul of you."--"What,"
+replied the other, "d'ye think he thirsts after my blood?"--"To be sure
+a does," said Pipes, thrusting a large quid of tobacco in his check,
+with great deliberation. "If that be the case," cried Pallet, beginning
+to shake, "he is no better than a cannibal, and no Christian ought to
+fight him on equal footing." Tom observing his emotion, eyed him with a
+frown of indignation, saying, "You an't afraid, are you?"--"God forbid,"
+replied the challenger, stammering with fear; "what should I be afraid
+of? The worst he can do is to take my life, and then he'll be answerable
+both to God and man for the murder. Don't you think he will?"--"I think
+no such matter," answered the second; "if so be as how he puts a brace
+of bullets through your bows, and kills you fairly, it is no more murder
+than if I was to bring down a noddy from the main top-sail yard."
+
+By this time Pallet's teeth chattered with such violence, that he could
+scarce pronounce this reply: "Mr. Thomas, you seem to make very light
+of a man's life; but I trust in the Almighty. I shall not be so easily
+brought down. Sure many a man has fought a duel without losing his life.
+Do you imagine that I run such a hazard of falling by the hand of my
+adversary?"--"You may or you may not," said the unconcerned Pipes, "just
+as it happens. What then? Death is a debt that every man owes, according
+to the song; and if you set foot to foot, I think one of you must go
+to pot."--"Foot to foot!" exclaimed the terrified painter: "that's
+downright butchery; and I'll be d-- before I fight any man on earth in
+such a barbarous way. What! d'ye take me to be a savage beast?" This
+declaration he made while they ascended the ramparts.
+
+His attendant perceiving the physician and his second at the distance
+of a hundred paces before them, gave him notice of their appearance,
+and advised him to make ready, and behave like a man. Pallet in vain
+endeavoured to conceal his panic, which discovered itself in a universal
+trepidation of body, and the lamentable tone in which he answered this
+exhortation of Pipes, saying, "I do behave like a man; but you would
+have me act the part of a brute. Are they coming this way?" When Tom
+told him that they had faced about, and admonished him to advance,
+the nerves of his arm refused their office, he could not hold out his
+pistol, and instead of going forward, retreated with an insensibility
+of motion; till Pipes, placing himself in the rear, set his own back to
+that of his principal, and swore he should not budge an inch farther in
+that direction.
+
+While the valet thus tutored the painter, his master enjoyed the terrors
+of the physician, which were more ridiculous than those of Pallet,
+because he was more intent upon disguising them. His declaration to
+Pickle in the morning would not suffer him to start any objections when
+he received the challenge; and finding that the young gentleman made
+no offer of mediating the affair, but rather congratulated him on the
+occasion, when he communicated the painter's billet, all his efforts
+consisted in oblique hints, and general reflections upon the absurdity
+of duelling, which was first introduced among civilised nations by the
+barbarous Huns and Longobards. He likewise pretended to ridicule the use
+of firearms, which confounded all the distinctions of skill and address,
+and deprived a combatant of the opportunity of signalizing his personal
+prowess.
+
+Pickle assented to the justness of his observations; but, at the same
+time, represented the necessity of complying with the customs of this
+world, ridiculous as they were, on which a man's honour and reputation
+depend: so that, seeing no hopes of profiting by that artifice, the
+republican's agitation became more and more remarkable; and he proposed,
+in plain terms, that they should contend in armour, like the combatants
+of ancient days; for it was but reasonable that they should practise
+the manner of fighting, since they adopted the disposition of those iron
+times.
+
+Nothing could have afforded more diversion to our hero than the sight of
+two such duellists cased in iron; and he wished that he had promoted the
+quarrel in Brussels, where he could have hired the armour of Charles the
+Fifth, and the valiant Duke of Parma, for their accommodation; but as
+there was no possibility of furnishing them cap-a-pie at Antwerp, he
+persuaded him to conform to the modern use of the sword, and meet the
+painter on his own terms; and suspecting that his fear would supply him
+with other excuses for declining the combat, he comforted him with some
+distant insinuations, to the prejudice of his adversary's courage, which
+would, in all probability, evaporate before any mischief could happen.
+
+Notwithstanding this encouragement, he could not suppress the reluctance
+with which he went to the field, and cast many a wishful look over his
+left shoulder, to see whether or not his adversary was at his heels.
+When, by the advice of his second, he took possession of the ground, and
+turned about with his face to the enemy, it was not so dark, but that
+Peregrine could perceive the unusual paleness of his countenance, and
+the sweat standing in large drops upon his forehead; nay, there was a
+manifest disorder in his speech, when he regretted his want of the pila
+and parma, with which he would have made a rattling noise, to astonish
+his foe, in springing forward, and singing the hymn to battle, in the
+manner of the ancients.
+
+In the meantime, observing the hesitation of his antagonist, who, far
+from advancing, seemed to recoil, and even struggle with his second, he
+guessed the situation of the painter's thoughts, and, collecting all the
+manhood that he possessed, seized the opportunity of profiting by
+his enemy's consternation. Striking his sword and pistol together, he
+advanced in a sort of trot, raising a loud howl, in which he repeated,
+in lieu of the Spartan song, part of the strophe from one of Pindar's
+Pythia, beginning with ek theon gar makanoi pasai Broteais aretais,
+etc. This imitation of the Greeks had all the desired effect upon the
+painter, who seeing the physician running towards him like a fury, with
+a pistol in his right hand, which was extended, and hearing the dreadful
+yell he uttered, and the outlandish words he pronounced, was seized
+with a universal palsy of his limbs. He would have dropped down upon
+the ground, had not Pipes supported and encouraged him to stand upon his
+defence. The doctor, contrary to his expectation, finding that he had
+not flinched from the spot, though he had now performed one half of his
+career, put in practice his last effort, by firing his pistol, the noise
+of which no sooner reached the ears of the affrighted painter, than
+he recommended his soul to God, and roared for mercy with great
+vociferation.
+
+The republican, overjoyed at this exclamation, commanded him to yield,
+and surrender his arms, on pain of immediate death; upon which he threw
+away his pistols and sword, in spite of all the admonitions and even
+threats of his second, who left him to his fate, and went up to his
+master, stopping his nose with signs of loathing and abhorrence.
+
+The victor, having won the spolia opima, granted him his life, on
+condition that he would on his knees supplicate his pardon, acknowledge
+himself inferior to his conqueror in every virtue and qualification, and
+promise for the future to merit his favour by submission and respect.
+These insolent terms were readily embraced by the unfortunate
+challenger, who fairly owned, that he was not at all calculated for the
+purposes of war, and that henceforth he would contend with no weapon
+but his pencil. He begged with great humility, that Mr. Pickle would not
+think the worse of his morals for this defect of courage, which was a
+natural infirmity inherited from his father, and suspend his opinion of
+his talents, until he should have an opportunity of contemplating the
+charms of his Cleopatra, which would be finished in less than three
+months.
+
+Our hero observed, with an affected air of displeasure, that no man
+could be justly condemned for being subject to the impressions of fear,
+and therefore his cowardice might easily be forgiven: but there was
+something so presumptuous, dishonest, and disingenuous, in arrogating
+a quality to which he knew he had not the smallest pretension, that
+he could not forget his misbehaviour all at once, though he would
+condescend to communicate with him as formerly, in hopes of seeking
+a reformation in his conduct. Pallet protested, that there was no
+dissimulation in the case; for he was ignorant of his own weakness,
+until his resolution was put to the trial: he faithfully promised
+to demean himself, during the remaining part of the tour, with that
+conscious modesty and penitence which became a person in his condition;
+and, for the present, implored the assistance of Mr. Pipes, in
+disembarrassing him from the disagreeable consequence of his fear.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXIV.
+
+
+
+The Doctor exults in his Victory--They set out for Rotterdam, where they
+are entertained by two Dutch Gentlemen in a Yacht, which is overturned
+in the Maese, to the manifest hazard of the Painter's Life--They spend
+the Evening with their Entertainers, and next Day visit a Cabinet of
+Curiosities.
+
+
+Tom was accordingly ordered to administer to his occasions; and
+the conqueror, elated with his success, which he in a great measure
+attributed to his manner of attack, and the hymn which he howled, told
+Peregrine, that he was now convinced of the truth of what Pindar sung in
+these words, ossa de me pephileke Zeus atuzontai boan Pieridon aionta;
+for he had no sooner begun to repeat the mellifluent strains of that
+divine poet, than the wretch his antagonist was confounded, and his
+nerves unstrung.
+
+On their return to the inn, he expatiated on the prudence and
+tranquility of his own behaviour, and ascribed the consternation
+of Pallet to the remembrance of some crime that lay heavy upon his
+conscience; for, in his opinion, a man of virtue and common sense could
+not possibly be afraid of death, which is not only the peaceful harbour
+that receives him shattered on the tempestuous sea of life, but also the
+eternal seal of his fame and glory, which it is no longer in his power
+to forfeit and forego. He lamented his fate, in being doomed to live in
+such degenerate days, when war is become a mercenary trade; and ardently
+wished, that the day would come, when he should have such an opportunity
+of signalizing his courage in the cause of liberty, as that of Marathon,
+where a handful of Athenians, fighting for their freedom, defeated the
+whole strength of the Persian empire. "Would to heaven!" said he, "my
+muse were blessed with an occasion to emulate that glorious testimony on
+the trophy in Cyprus, erected by Cimon, for two great victories gained
+on the same day over the Persians by sea and land; in which it is very
+remarkable, that the greatness of the occasion has raised the manner of
+expression above the usual simplicity and modesty of all other ancient
+inscriptions." He then repeated it with all the pomp of declamation, and
+signified his hope, that the French would one day invade us with such an
+army as that which Xerxes led into Greece, that it might be in his power
+to devote himself, like Leonidas, to the freedom of his country.
+
+This memorable combat being thus determined, and everything that was
+remarkable in Antwerp surveyed, they sent their baggage down the Scheldt
+to Rotterdam, and set out for the same place in a post-waggon, which
+that same evening brought them in safety to the banks of the Maese. They
+put up at an English house of entertainment, remarkable for the modesty
+and moderation of the landlord; and next morning the doctor went in
+person to deliver letters of recommendation to two Dutch gentlemen from
+one of his acquaintance at Paris. Neither of them happened to be at home
+when he called; so that he left a message at their lodgings, with his
+address; and in the afternoon, they waited upon the company, and, after
+many hospitable professions, one of the two invited them to spend the
+evening at his house.
+
+Meanwhile they had provided a pleasure yacht, in which they proposed to
+treat them with an excursion upon the Maese. This being almost the only
+diversion that place affords, our young gentleman relished the proposal;
+and, notwithstanding the remonstrances of Mr. Jolter, who declined the
+voyage on account of the roughness of the weather, they went on board
+without hesitation, and found a collation prepared in the cabin. While
+they tacked to and fro in the river, under the impulse of a mackerel
+breeze, the physician expressed his satisfaction, and Pallet was
+ravished with the entertainment. But the wind increasing, to the
+unspeakable joy of the Dutchmen, who had now an opportunity of showing
+their dexterity in the management of the vessel, the guests found it
+inconvenient to stand upon deck, and impossible to sit below, on account
+of the clouds of tobacco smoke which rolled from the pipes of their
+entertainers, in such volumes as annoyed them even to the hazard of
+suffocation. This fumigation, together with the extraordinary motion
+of the ship, began to affect the head and stomach of the painter, who
+begged earnestly to be set on shore. But the Dutch gentlemen, who had no
+idea of his sufferings, insisted, with surprising obstinacy of regard,
+upon his staying until he should see an instance of the skill of the
+mariners; and, bringing him on deck, commanded the men to carry the
+vessel's lee gunwale under water. This nicety of navigation they
+instantly performed, to the admiration of Pickle, the discomposure of
+the doctor, and terror of Pallet, who blessed himself from the courtesy
+of a Dutchman, and prayed to Heaven for his deliverance.
+
+While the Hollanders enjoyed the reputation of this feat, and the
+distress of the painter, at the same time, the yacht was overtaken by
+a sudden squall, that overset her in a moment, and flung every man
+overboard into the Maese, before they could have the least warning of
+their fate, much less time to provide against the accident. Peregrine,
+who was an expert swimmer, reached the shore in safety; the physician,
+in the agonies of despair, laid fast hold on the trunk-breeches of one
+of the men, who dragged him to the other side; the entertainers
+landed at the bomb-keys, smoking their pipes all the way with great
+deliberation; and the poor painter must have gone to the bottom, had not
+he been encountered by the cable of a ship that lay at anchor near the
+scene of their disaster. Though his senses had forsaken him, his hands
+fastened by instinct on this providential occurrence, which he held with
+such a convulsive grasp, that, when a boat was sent out to bring him
+on shore, it was with the utmost difficulty that his fingers were
+disengaged. He was carried into a house, deprived of the use of speech,
+and bereft of all sensation; and, being suspended by the heels, a vast
+quantity of water ran out of his mouth. This evacuation being made, he
+began to utter dreadful groans, which gradually increased to a continued
+roar; and, after he had regained the use of his senses, he underwent
+a delirium that lasted several hours. As for the treaters, they never
+dreamed of expressing the least concern to Pickle or the physician
+for what had happened, because it was an accident so common as to pass
+without notice.
+
+Leaving the care of their vessel to the seamen, the company retired to
+their respective lodgings, in order to shift their clothes; and in the
+evening our travellers were conducted to the house of their new friend,
+who, with a view of making his invitation the more agreeable, had
+assembled, to the number of twenty or thirty Englishmen, of all ranks
+and degrees, from the merchant to the periwig-maker's prentice.
+
+In the midst of this congregation stood a chafing-dish with live coals,
+for the convenience of lighting their pipes, and every individual was
+accommodated with a spitting-box. There was not a mouth in the apartment
+unfurnished with a tube, so that they resembled a congregation of
+chimeras breathing fire and smoke; and our gentlemen were fain to
+imitate their example in their own defence. It is not to be supposed
+that the conversation was either very sprightly or polite; that the
+whole entertainment was of the Dutch cast--frowzy and phlegmatic;
+and our adventurer, as he returned to his lodging, tortured with the
+headache, and disgusted with every circumstance of his treatment, cursed
+the hour in which the doctor had saddled them with such troublesome
+companions.
+
+Next morning by eight o'clock, these polite Hollanders returned the
+visit, and, after breakfast, attended their English friends to the house
+of a person that possessed a very curious cabinet of curiosities,
+to which they had secured our company's admission. The owner of this
+collection was a cheesemonger, who received them in a woollen nightcap,
+with straps buttoned under his chin. As he understood no language but
+his own, he told them, by the canal of one of their conductors, that he
+did not make a practice of showing his curiosities; but understanding
+that they were Englishmen, and recommended to his friends, he was
+content to submit them to their perusal. So saying, he led them up a
+dark stair, into a small room, decorated with a few paltry figures in
+plaster of Paris, two or three miserable landscapes, the skins of an
+otter, seal, and some fishes stuffed; and in one corner stood a glass
+case, furnished with newts, frogs, lizards, and serpents, preserved in
+spirits; a human foetus, a calf with two heads, and about two dozen of
+butterflies pinned upon paper.
+
+The virtuoso having exhibited these particulars, eyed the strangers with
+a look soliciting admiration and applause; and as he could not perceive
+any symptom of either in their gestures or countenances, withdrew a
+curtain, and displayed a wainscot chest of drawers, in which, he
+gave them to understand, was something that would agreeably amuse the
+imagination. Our travellers, regaled with this notice, imagined that
+they would be entertained with the sight of some curious medals, or
+other productions of antiquity; but how were they disappointed, when
+they saw nothing but a variety of shells, disposed in whimsical figures,
+in each drawer! After he had detained them full two hours with a tedious
+commentary upon the shape, size, and colour of each department, he, with
+a supercilious simper, desired that the English gentlemen would frankly
+and candidly declare, whether his cabinet, or that of Mynheer Sloane,
+at London, was the most valuable. When this request was signified in
+English to the company, the painter instantly exclaimed, "By the Lard!
+they are not to be named of a day. And as for that matter, I would not
+give one corner of Saltero's coffee-house at Chelsea for all the trash
+he hath shown." Peregrine, unwilling to mortify any person who had done
+his endeavour to please him, observed, that what he had seen was very
+curious and entertaining; but that no private collection in Europe was
+equal to that of Sir Hans Sloane, which, exclusive of presents, had cost
+an hundred thousand pounds. The two conductors were confounded at this
+asseveration, which, being communicated to the cheesemonger, he shook
+his head with a significant grin; and, though he did not choose to
+express his incredulity in words, gave our hero to understand, that
+he did not much depend upon his veracity. From the house of this
+Dutch naturalist, they were draggled all round the city by the painful
+civility of their attendants, who did not quit them till the evening was
+well advanced, and then not till after they had promised to be with
+them before ten o'clock next day, in order to conduct them to a country
+house, situated in a pleasant village on the other side of the river.
+
+Pickle was already so much fatigued with their hospitality, that, for
+the first time of his life, he suffered a dejection of spirits; and
+resolved, at any rate, to avoid the threatened persecution of to-morrow.
+With this view, he ordered his servants to pack up some clothes and
+linen in a portmanteau; and in the morning embarked, with his governor,
+in the treckskuyt, for the Hague, whither he pretended to be called by
+some urgent occasion, leaving his fellow-travellers to make his apology
+to their friends, and assuring them, that he would not proceed for
+Amsterdam without their society. He arrived at the Hague in the
+forenoon, and dined at an ordinary frequented by officers and people of
+fashion; where being informed that the princess would see company in the
+evening, he dressed himself in a rich suit of the Parisian cut, and went
+to court, without any introduction. A person of his appearance could not
+fail to attract the notice of such a small circle. The prince himself,
+understanding he was an Englishman and a stranger, went up to him
+without ceremony, and, having welcomed him to the place, conversed with
+him for some minutes on the common topics of discourse.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXV.
+
+
+
+They proceed to the Hague; from whence they depart for Amsterdam, where
+they see a Dutch Tragedy--Visit the Music-house, in which Peregrine
+quarrels with the Captain of a Man-of-War--They pass through Haerlem, in
+their way to Leyden--Return to Rotterdam, where the Company separates,
+and our Hero, with his Attendants, arrive in safety at Harwich.
+
+
+Being joined by their fellow-travellers in the morning, they made a
+tour to all the remarkable places in this celebrated village: saw the
+foundry, the Stadthouse, the Spinhuys, Vauxhall, and Count Bentinck's
+gardens; and in the evening went to the French comedy, which was
+directed by a noted harlequin, who had found means to flatter the Dutch
+taste so effectually, that they extolled him as the greatest actor that
+ever appeared in the province of Holland. This famous company did not
+represent regular theatrical pieces, but only a sort of impromptus,
+in which this noted player always performed the greatest part of the
+entertainment. Among other sallies of wit that escaped him, there was
+one circumstance so remarkably adapted to the disposition and genius of
+his audience, that it were a pity to pass it over in silence. A windmill
+being exhibited on the scene, harlequin, after having surveyed it
+with curiosity and admiration, asks one of the millers the use of that
+machine; and being told that it was a windmill, observes, with some
+concern, that as there was not the least breath of wind, he could not
+have the pleasure of seeing it turn round. Urged by this consideration,
+he puts himself into the attitude of a person wrapt in profound
+meditation; and, having continued a few seconds in this posture, runs
+to the miller with great eagerness and joy, and, telling him that he
+had found an expedient to make his mill work; very fairly unbuttons his
+breeches. Then presenting his posteriors to the sails of the machine,
+certain explosions are immediately heard, and the arms of the mill
+begin to turn round, to the infinite satisfaction of the spectators, who
+approve the joke with loud peals of applause.
+
+Our travellers stayed a few days at the Hague, during which the young
+gentleman waited on the British ambassador, to whom he was recommended
+by his excellency at Paris, and lost about thirty guineas at billiards
+to a French adventurer, who decoyed him into the snare by keeping up his
+game. Then they departed in a post-waggon for Amsterdam, being provided
+with letters of introduction to an English merchant residing in that
+city, under whose auspices they visited everything worth seeing,
+and among other excursions, went to see a Dutch tragedy acted, an
+entertainment which, of all others, had the strangest effect upon the
+organs of our hero; the dress of their chief personages was so antic,
+their manner so awkwardly absurd, and their language so ridiculously
+unfit for conveying the sentiment of love and honour, that Peregrine's
+nerves were diuretically affected with the complicated absurdity, and
+he was compelled to withdraw twenty times before the catastrophe of the
+piece.
+
+The subject of this performance was the famous story of Scipio's
+continence and virtue, in restoring the fair captive to her lover.
+The young Roman hero was represented by a broadfaced Batavian, in a
+burgomaster's gown and a fur cap, sitting smoking his pipe at a table
+furnished with a can of beer, a drinking glass, and a plate of tobacco.
+The lady was such a person as Scipio might well be supposed to give
+away, without any great effort of generosity; and indeed the Celtiberian
+prince seemed to be of that opinion; for, upon receiving her from the
+hand of the victor, he discovered none of those transports of gratitude
+and joy which Livy describes in recounting this event. The Dutch Scipio,
+however, was complaisant enough in his way; for he desired her to sit at
+his right hand, by the appellation of Ya frow, and with his own fingers
+filling a clean pipe, presented it to Mynheer Allucio, the lover. The
+rest of the economy of the piece was in the same taste; which was so
+agreeable to the audience, that they seemed to have shaken off their
+natural phlegm, in order to applaud the performance.
+
+From the play our company adjourned to the house of their friend, where
+they spent the evening; and the conversation turning upon poetry, a
+Dutchman who was present, and understood the English language, having
+listened very attentively to the discourse, lifted up with both hands
+the greatest part of a Cheshire cheese that lay upon the table, saying,
+"I do know vat is boetre. Mine brotre be a great boet, and ave vrought
+a book as dick as all dat." Pickle, diverted with this method of
+estimating an author according to the quantity of his works, inquired
+about the subjects of this bard's writings; but of these his brother
+could give no account, or other information, but that there was little
+market for the commodity, which hung heavy upon his hands, and induced
+him to wish he had applied himself to another trade.
+
+The only remarkable scene in Amsterdam, which our company had not
+seen, was the Spuyl or music-houses, which, by the connivance of the
+magistrates, are maintained for the recreation of those who might
+attempt the chastity of creditable women, if they were not provided
+with such conveniences. To one of these night-houses did our travellers
+repair, under the conduct of the English merchant, and were introduced
+into such another place as the ever-memorable coffee-house of Moll King;
+with this difference, that the company here were not so riotous as the
+bucks of Covent Garden, but formed themselves into a circle, within
+which some of the number danced to the music of a scurvy organ and a few
+other instruments, that uttered tunes very suitable to the disposition
+of the hearers, while the whole apartment was shrouded with clouds of
+smoke impervious to the view. When our gentlemen entered, the floor was
+occupied by two females and their gallants, who, in the performance of
+their exercise, lifted their legs like so many oxen at plough and the
+pipe of one of those hoppers happening to be exhausted, in the midst of
+his saraband, he very deliberately drew forth his tobacco-box, filling
+and lighting it again, without any interruption to the dance.
+
+Peregrine being unchecked by the presence of his governor, who was too
+tender of his own reputation to attend them in this expedition, made up
+to a sprightly French girl who sat in seeming expectation of a customer,
+and prevailing upon her to be his partner, led her into the circle, and
+in his turn took the opportunity of dancing a minuet, to the admiration
+of all present. He intended to have exhibited another specimen of his
+ability in this art, when a captain of a Dutch man-of-war chancing to
+come in, and seeing a stranger engaged with the lady whom, it seems,
+he had bespoke for his bedfellow, he advanced without any ceremony, and
+seizing her by the arm, pulled her to the other side of the room. Our
+adventurer, who was not a man to put up with such a brutal affront,
+followed the ravisher with indignation in his eyes; and pushing him on
+one side, retook the subject of their contest, and led her back to the
+place from whence she had been dragged. The Dutchman, enraged at the
+youth's presumption, obeyed the first dictates of his choler, and lent
+his rival a hearty box on the ear; which was immediately repaid with
+interest, before our hero could recollect himself sufficiently to lay
+his hand upon his sword, and beckon the aggressor to the door.
+
+Notwithstanding the confusion and disorder which this affair produced
+in the room, and the endeavours of Pickle's company, who interposed,
+in order to prevent bloodshed, the antagonists reached the street; and
+Peregrine drawing, was surprised to see the captain advance against
+him with a long knife, which he preferred to the sword that hung by his
+side. The youth, confounded at this preposterous behaviour, desired him,
+in the French tongue, to lay aside that vulgar implement, and approach
+like a gentleman. But the Hollander, who neither understood the
+proposal, nor would have complied with this demand, had he been made
+acquainted with his meaning, rushed forward like a desperado, before his
+adversary could put himself on his guard; and if the young gentleman had
+not been endued with surprising agility, his nose would have fallen a
+sacrifice to the fury of the assailant. Finding himself in such imminent
+jeopardy, he leaped to one side, and the Dutchman passing him, in the
+force of his career, he with one nimble kick made such application to
+his enemy's heels, that he flew like lightning into the canal, where he
+had almost perished by pitching upon one of the posts with which it is
+faced.
+
+Peregrine having performed this exploit, did not stay for the captain's
+coming on shore, but retreated with all despatch, by the advice of his
+conductor; and next day embarked, with his companions, in the skuyt,
+for Haerlem, where they dined; and in the evening arrived at the ancient
+city of Leyden, where they met with some English students, who
+treated them with great hospitality. Not but that the harmony of the
+conversation was that same night interrupted by a dispute that arose
+between one of those young gentlemen and the physician, about the
+cold and hot methods of prescription in the gout and rheumatism; and
+proceeded to such a degree of mutual reviling, that Pickle, ashamed
+and incensed at his fellow-traveller's want of urbanity, espoused the
+other's cause, and openly rebuked him for his unmannerly petulance,
+which, he said, rendered him unfit for the purposes, and unworthy of the
+benefit, of society. This unexpected declaration overwhelmed the doctor
+with amazement and confusion; he was instantaneously deprived of his
+speech, and, during the remaining part of the party, sat in silent
+mortification. In all probability, he deliberated with himself, whether
+or not he should expostulate with the young gentleman on the freedom he
+had taken with his character in a company of strangers; but as he knew
+he had not a Pallet to deal with, he very prudently suppressed that
+suggestion, and, in secret, chewed the cud of resentment.
+
+After they had visited the physic-garden, the university, the anatomical
+hall, and every other thing that was recommended to their view, they
+returned to Rotterdam, and held a consultation upon the method of
+transporting themselves to England. The doctor, whose grudge against
+Peregrine was rather inflamed than allayed by our hero's indifference
+and neglect, had tampered with the simplicity of the painter, who was
+proud of his advances towards a perfect reconciliation, and now took the
+opportunity of parting with our adventurer, by declaring that he and
+his friend Mr. Pallet were resolved to take their passage in a trading
+sloop, after he had heard Peregrine object against that tedious,
+disagreeable, and uncertain method of conveyance. Pickle immediately saw
+his intention, and, without using the least argument to dissuade them
+from their design, or expressing the smallest degree of concern at their
+separation, very coolly wished them a prosperous voyage, and ordered his
+baggage to be sent to Helvoetsluys. There he himself, and his retinue,
+went on board of the packet next day, and, by the favour of a fair wind,
+in eighteen hours arrived at Harwich.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXVI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine delivers his Letters of Recommendation at London, and returns
+to the Garrison, to the unspeakable joy of the Commodore and his whole
+Family.
+
+
+Now that our hero found himself on English ground, his heart dilated
+with the proud recollection of his own improvement since he left his
+native soil. He began to recognise the interesting ideas of his tender
+years; he enjoyed, by anticipation, the pleasure of seeing his friends
+in the garrison, after an absence of eighteen months; and the image
+of his charming Emily, which other less worthy considerations had
+depressed, resumed the full possession of his breast. He remembered,
+with shame, that he had neglected the correspondence with her brother,
+which he himself had solicited, and in consequence of which he had
+received a letter from that young gentleman, while he lived at Paris. In
+spite of these conscientious reflections he was too self-sufficient to
+think he should find any difficulty in obtaining forgiveness for
+such sins of omission; and began to imagine that his passion would
+be prejudicial to the dignity of his situation, if it should not be
+gratified upon terms which formerly his imagination durst not conceive.
+
+Sorry I am, that the task I have undertaken, lays me under the necessity
+of divulging this degeneracy in the sentiment of our imperious youth,
+who was now in the heyday of his blood, flushed with the consciousness
+of his own qualifications, vain of his fortune, and elated on the
+wings of imaginary expectation. Though he was deeply enamoured of Miss
+Gauntlet, he was far from proposing her heart as the ultimate aim of
+his gallantry, which, he did not doubt, would triumph over the most
+illustrious females of the land, and at once regale his appetite and
+ambition.
+
+Meanwhile, being willing to make his appearance at the garrison equally
+surprising and agreeable, he cautioned Mr. Jolter against writing to the
+commodore, who had not heard of them since their departure from Paris,
+and hired a post-chaise and horses, for London. The governor, going out
+to give orders about the carriage, inadvertently left a paper book open
+upon the table; and his pupil, casting his eyes upon the page, chanced
+to read these words: "Sept. 15. Arrived in safety, by the blessing of
+God, in this unhappy kingdom of England. And thus concludes the journal
+of my last peregrination." Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by this
+extraordinary conclusion he turned to the beginning, and perused several
+sheets of a diary such as is commonly kept by that class of people known
+by the denomination of travelling governors, for the satisfaction of
+themselves and the parents or guardians of their pupils, and for the
+edification and entertainment of their friends.
+
+That the reader may have a clear idea of Mr. Jolter's performance, we
+shall transcribe the transactions of one day, as he had recorded them;
+and that abstract will be a sufficient specimen of the whole plan and
+execution of the work.
+
+"May 3. At eight o'clock, set out from Boulogne in a post-chaise: the
+morning hazy and cold. Fortified my stomach with a cordial. Recommended
+ditto to Mr. P. as an antidote against the fog. Mem. He refused it.
+The hither horse greased in the off-pastern of the hind leg. Arrived
+at Samers. Mem. This last was a post and a half, i.e. three leagues, or
+nine English miles. The day clears up. A fine champaign country, well
+stored with corn. The postillion says his prayers in passing by a wooden
+crucifix upon the road. Mem. The horses staled in a small brook that
+runs in a bottom, betwixt two hills. Arrived at Cormont. A common post.
+A dispute with my pupil, who is obstinate, and swayed by an unlucky
+prejudice. Proceed to Montreuil, where we dine on choice pigeons. A very
+moderate charge. No chamber-pot in the room, owing to the negligence of
+the maid. This is an ordinary post. Set out again for Nampont. Troubled
+with flatulences and indigestion. Mr. P. is sullen, and seems to mistake
+an eructation for the breaking of wind backwards. From Nampont depart
+for Bernay, at which place we arrive in the evening, and propose to
+stay all night. N.B. The two last a redouble posts, and our cattle
+very willing, though not strong. Sup on a delicate ragout and excellent
+partridges, in company with Mr. H. and his spouse. Mem. The said H.
+trod upon my corn by mistake. Discharge the bill, which is not very
+reasonable. Dispute with Mr. P. about giving money to the servant. He
+insists upon my giving a twenty-four sols piece, which is too much by
+two-thirds, in all conscience. N.B. She was a pert baggage, and did not
+deserve a liard."
+
+Our hero was so much disobliged with certain circumstances of this
+amusing and instructing journal, that, by way of punishing the author,
+he interlined these words betwixt two paragraphs, in a manner that
+exactly resembled the tutor's handwriting: "Mem. Had the pleasure of
+drinking myself into a sweet intoxication, by toasting our lawful king,
+and his royal family, among some worthy English fathers of the Society
+of Jesus."
+
+Having taken this revenge, he set out for London, where he waited upon
+those noblemen to whom he had letters of recommendation from Paris;
+and was not only graciously received, but even loaded with caresses and
+proffers of service, because they understood he was a young gentleman
+of fortune, who, far from standing in need of their countenance or
+assistance, would make a useful and creditable addition to the number
+of their adherents. He had the honour of dining at their tables, in
+consequence of pressing invitations, and of spending several evenings
+with the ladies, to whom he was particularly agreeable, on account of
+his person, address, and bleeding freely at play.
+
+Being thus initiated in the beau monde, he thought it was high time
+to pay his respects to his generous benefactor, the commodore; and,
+accordingly, departed one morning, with his train, for the garrison,
+at which he arrived in safety the same night. When he entered the gate,
+which was opened by a new servant that did not know him, he found his
+old friend, Hatchway, stalking in the yard, with a nightcap on his head,
+and a pipe in his mouth; and, advancing to him, took him by the hand
+before he had any intimation of his approach. The lieutenant, thus
+saluted by a stranger, stared at him in silent astonishment, till he
+recollected his features, which were no sooner known, than, dashing
+his pipe upon the pavement, he exclaimed, "Smite my cross-trees! th'art
+welcome to port;" and hugged him in his arms with great affection. He
+then, by a cordial squeeze, expressed his satisfaction at seeing his old
+shipmate, Tom, who, applying his whistle to his mouth, the whole castle
+echoed with his performance.
+
+The servants, hearing the well-known sound, poured out in a tumult of
+joy; and, understanding that their young master was returned, raised
+such a peal of acclamation, as astonished the commodore and his lady,
+and inspired Julia with such an interesting presage, that her heart
+began to throb with violence. Running out in the hurry and perturbation
+of her hope, she was so much overwhelmed at sight of her brother, that
+she actually fainted in his arms. But from this trance she soon awaked;
+and Peregrine, having testified his pleasure and affection, went
+upstairs, and presented himself before his godfather and aunt. Mrs.
+Trunnion rose and received him with a gracious embrace, blessing God for
+his happy return from a land of impiety and vice, in which she hoped his
+morals had not been corrupted, nor his principles of religion altered or
+impaired. The old gentleman being confined to his chair, was struck dumb
+with pleasure at his appearance; and, having made divers ineffectual
+efforts to get up, at length discharged a volley of curses against his
+own limbs, and held out his hand to his godson, who kissed it with great
+respect.
+
+After he had finished his apostrophe to the gout, which was the daily
+and hourly subject of his execrations, "Well, my lad," said he, "I
+care not how soon I go to the bottom, now I behold thee safe in harbour
+again; and yet I tell a d--d lie; I would I could keep afloat until I
+should see a lusty boy of thy begetting. Odds my timbers! I love thee
+so well, that I believe thou art the spawn of my own body; though I can
+give no account of thy being put upon the stocks." Then, turning his
+eyes upon Pipes, who by this time had penetrated into his apartment, and
+addressed him with the usual salutation of "What cheer?" "Ahey," cried
+he, "are you there, you herring-faced son of a sea-calf? What a slippery
+trick you played your old commander! But come, you dog, there's my fist;
+I forgive you, for the love you bear to my godson. Go, man your tackle,
+and hoist a cask of strong beer into the yard, knock out the bung, and
+put a pump in it, for the use of all my servants and neighbours; and,
+d'ye hear, let the patereroes be fired, and the garrison illuminated,
+as rejoicings for the safe arrival of your master. By the Lord! if I had
+the use of these d--d shambling shanks, I would dance a hornpipe with
+the best of you."
+
+The next object of his attention was Mr. Jolter, who was honoured with
+particular marks of distinction, and the repeated promise of enjoying
+the living in his gift, as an acknowledgment of the care and discretion
+with which he had superintended the education and morals of our hero.
+The governor was so affected by the generosity of his patron, that the
+tears ran down his cheeks, while he expressed his gratitude, and the
+infinite satisfaction he felt in contemplating the accomplishments of
+his pupil.
+
+Meanwhile, Pipes did not neglect the orders he had received. The beer
+was produced, the gates were thrown open for the admission of all
+comers, the whole house was lighted up, and the patereroes were
+discharged in repeated volleys. Such phenomena could not fail to attract
+the notice of the neighbourhood. The club at Tunley's were astonished
+at the report of the guns, which produced various conjectures among the
+members of that sagacious society. The landlord observed, that, in all
+likelihood, the commodore was visited by hobgoblins, and ordered the
+guns to be fired in token of distress, as he had acted twenty years
+before, when he was annoyed by the same grievance. The exciseman, with
+a waggish sneer, expressed his apprehension of Trunnion's death,
+in consequence of which the patereroes might be discharged with an
+equivocal intent, either as signals of his lady's sorrow or rejoicing.
+The attorney signified a suspicion of Hatchway's being married to Miss
+Pickle, and that the firing and illuminations were in honour of the
+nuptials; upon which Gamaliel discovered some faint signs of emotion,
+and, taking the pipe from his mouth, gave it as his opinion, that his
+sister was brought to bed.
+
+While they were thus bewildered in the maze of their own imaginations,
+a company of countrymen, who sat drinking in the kitchen, and whose legs
+were more ready than their invention, sallied out to know the meaning
+of these exhibitions. Understanding that there was a butt of strong beer
+abroach in the yard, to which they were invited by the servants, they
+saved themselves the trouble and expense of returning to spend the
+evening at the public-house, and listed themselves under the banner of
+Tom Pipes, who presided as director of this festival.
+
+The news of Peregrine's return being communicated to the parish, the
+parson, and three or four neighbouring gentlemen, who were well-wishers
+to our hero, immediately repaired to the garrison, in order to pay their
+compliments on this happy event, and were detained to supper. An elegant
+entertainment was prepared by the direction of Miss Julia, who was an
+excellent housewife; and the commodore was so invigorated with joy, that
+he seemed to have renewed his age. Among those who honoured the occasion
+with their presence, was Mr. Clover, the young gentleman that made his
+addresses to Peregrine's sister. His heart was so big with his passion,
+that, while the rest of the company were engrossed by their cups,
+he seized an opportunity of our hero's being detached from the
+conversation, and, in the impatience of his love, conjured him to
+consent to his happiness; protesting, that he would comply with any
+terms of settlement that a man of his fortune could embrace, in favour
+of a young lady who was absolute mistress of his affection.
+
+Our youth thanked him very politely for his favourable sentiments and
+honourable intention towards his sister, and told him, that at present
+he saw no reason to obstruct his desire; that he would consult Julia's
+own inclinations, and confer with him about the means of gratifying his
+wish; but, in the meantime, begged to be excused from discussing any
+point of such importance to them both. Reminding him of the jovial
+purpose on which they were happily met, he promoted such a quick
+circulation of the bottle, that their mirth grew noisy and obstreperous;
+they broke forth into repeated peals of laughter, without any previous
+incitement except that of claret. These explosions were succeeded by
+Bacchanalian songs, in which the old gentleman himself attempted to
+bear a share; the sedate governor snapped time with his fingers, and the
+parish priest assisted in the chorus with a most expressive nakedness
+of countenance. Before midnight they were almost all pinned to their
+chairs, as if they had been fixed by the power of enchantment; and, what
+rendered the confinement still more unfortunate, every servant in the
+house was in the same situation; so that they were fain to take their
+repose as they sat, and nodded at each other like a congregation of
+Anabaptists.
+
+Next day Peregrine communed with his sister on the subject of her match
+with Mr. Clover, who, she told him, had offered to settle a jointure of
+four hundred pounds, and take her to wife without any expectation of a
+dowry. She moreover gave him to understand, that, in his absence, she
+had received several messages from her mother, commanding her to return
+to her father's house; but that she had refused to obey these orders,
+by the advice and injunction of her aunt and the commodore, which were
+indeed seconded by her own inclination; because she had all the reason
+in the world to believe, that her mother only wanted an opportunity of
+treating her with severity and rancour. The resentment of that lady
+had been carried to such indecent lengths, that, seeing her daughter at
+church one day, she rose up, before the parson entered, and reviled her
+with great bitterness, in the face of the whole congregation.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXVII.
+
+
+
+Sees his Sister happily married--Visits Emilia, who receives him
+according to his Deserts.
+
+
+Her brother being of opinion, that Mr. Clover's proposal was not to
+be neglected, especially as Julia's heart was engaged in his favour,
+communicated the affair to his uncle, who, with the approbation of
+Mrs. Trunnion, declared himself well satisfied with the young man's
+addresses, and desired that they might be buckled with all expedition,
+without the knowledge or concurrence of her parents, to whom (on account
+of their unnatural barbarity) she was not bound to pay the least regard.
+Though our adventurer entertained the same sentiments of the matter,
+and the lover, dreading some obstruction, earnestly begged the immediate
+condescension of his mistress, she could not be prevailed upon to take
+such a material step, without having first solicited the permission of
+her father; resolved, nevertheless, to comply with the dictates of her
+own heart, should his objections be frivolous or unjust.
+
+Urged by this determination, her admirer waited upon Mr. Gamaliel at the
+public-house, and, with the appearance of great deference and respect,
+made him acquainted with his affection for his daughter, communicated
+the particulars of his fortune, with the terms of settlement he was
+ready to make; and in conclusion told him, that he would marry her
+without a portion. This last offer seemed to have some weight with the
+father, who received it with civility, and promised in a day or two to
+favour him with a final answer to his demand. He, accordingly, that same
+evening consulted his wife, who, being exasperated at the prospect of
+her daughter's independency, argued with the most virulent expostulation
+against the match, as an impudent scheme of her own planning, with a
+view of insulting her parents, towards whom she had already been guilty
+of the most vicious disobedience. In short, she used such remonstrances,
+as not only averted this weak husband's inclination from the proposal
+which he had relished before, but even instigated him to apply for a
+warrant to apprehend his daughter, on the supposition that she was about
+to bestow herself in marriage without his privity or consent.
+
+The justice of peace to whom this application was made, though he could
+not refuse the order, yet, being no stranger to the malevolence of the
+mother, which, together with Gamaliel's simplicity, was notorious in the
+county, he sent an intimation of what had happened to the garrison; upon
+which a couple of sentinels were placed on the gate, and at the pressing
+solicitation of the lover, as well as the desire of the commodore, her
+brother, and aunt, Julia was wedded without further delay, the ceremony
+being performed by Mr. Jolter, because the parish priest prudently
+declined any occasion of giving offence, and the curate was too much in
+the interest of their enemies to be employed in that office.
+
+This domestic concern being settled to the satisfaction of our hero, he
+escorted her next day to the house of her husband, who immediately wrote
+a letter to her father, declaring his reasons for having thus superseded
+his authority; and Mrs. Pickle's mortification was unspeakable.
+
+That the new-married couple might be guarded against all insult, our
+young gentleman and his friend Hatchway, with their adherents, lodged
+in Mr. Clover's house for some weeks; during which they visited their
+acquaintance in the neighbourhood, according to custom. When the
+tranquility of their family was perfectly established, and the contract
+of the marriage executed in the presence of the old commodore and his
+lady, who gave her niece five hundred pounds to purchase jewels and
+clothes, Mr. Peregrine could no longer restrain his impatience to see
+his dear Emily; and told his uncle, that next day he proposed to ride
+across the country, in order to visit his friend Gauntlet, whom he had
+not heard of for a long time.
+
+The old gentleman, looking steadfastly in his face, "Ah! D--n your
+cunning!" said he, "I find the anchor holds fast! I did suppose as how
+you would have slipt your cable, and changed your berth; but, I see,
+when a young fellow is once brought up by a pretty wench, he may man his
+capstans and viol block, if he wool; but he'll as soon heave up the Pike
+of Teneriffe, as bring his anchor aweigh! Odds heartlikins! had I known
+the young woman was Ned Gauntlet's daughter, I shouldn't have thrown out
+signal for leaving off chase."
+
+Our adventurer was not a little surprised to hear the commodore talk
+in this style; and immediately conjectured that his friend Godfrey
+had informed him of the whole affair. Instead of listening to this
+approbation of his flame, with those transports of joy which he would
+have felt, had he retained his former sentiments, he was chagrined at
+Trunnion's declaration, and offended at the presumption of the young
+soldier, in presuming to disclose the secret with which he had entrusted
+him. Reddening with these reflections, he assured the commodore that he
+never had serious thoughts of matrimony; so that if any person had told
+him he was under any engagement of that kind, he had abused his ear; for
+he protested that he would never contract such attachments without his
+knowledge and express permission.
+
+Trunnion commended him for his prudent resolution, and observed, that,
+though no person mentioned to him what promises had passed betwixt him
+and his sweetheart, it was very plain that he had made love to her, and
+therefore it was to be supposed that his intentions were honourable; for
+he could not believe he was such a rogue in his heart, as to endeavour
+to debauch the daughter of a brave officer, who had served his country
+with credit and reputation. Notwithstanding this remonstrance, which
+Pickle imputed to the commodore's ignorance of the world, he set out for
+the habitation of Mrs. Gauntlet, with the unjustifiable sentiments of a
+man of pleasure, who sacrifices every consideration to the desire of his
+ruling appetite; and, as Winchester lay in his way, resolved to visit
+some of his friends who lived in that place. It was in the house of one
+of these that he was informed of Emilia's being then in town with her
+mother; upon which he excused himself from staying to drink tea, and
+immediately repaired to their lodgings, according to the directions he
+had received.
+
+When he arrived at the door, instead of undergoing that perturbation of
+spirits, which a lover in his interesting situation might be supposed to
+feel, he suffered no emotion but that of vanity and pride, favoured with
+an opportunity of self-gratification, and entered his Emilia's apartment
+with the air of a conceited petit-maitre, rather than that of the
+respectful admirer, when he visits the object of his passion, after an
+absence of seventeen months.
+
+The young lady, having been very much disobliged at his mortifying
+neglect of her brother's letter, had summoned all her own pride and
+resolution to her aid; and, by means of a happy disposition, so far
+overcame her chagrin at his indifference, that she was able to behave in
+his presence with apparent tranquility and ease. She was even pleased
+to find he had, by accident, chosen a time for his visit when she was
+surrounded by two or three young gentlemen, who professed themselves her
+admirers. Our gallant was no sooner announced, than she collected all
+her coquetry, put on the gayest air she could assume, and contrived
+to giggle just as he appeared at the room door. The compliments of
+salutation being performed, she welcomed him to England in a careless
+manner, asked the news of Paris, and, before he could make any reply,
+desired one of the other gentlemen to proceed with the sequel of that
+comical adventure, in the relation of which he had been interrupted.
+
+Peregrine smiled within himself at this behaviour, which, without all
+doubt, he believed she had affected to punish him for his unkind silence
+while he was abroad, being fully persuaded that her heart was absolutely
+at his devotion. On this supposition, he practised his Parisian
+improvements on the art of conversation, and uttered a thousand
+prettinesses in the way of compliment, with such incredible rotation of
+tongue, that his rivals were struck dumb with astonishment, and Emilia
+fretted out of all temper, at seeing herself deprived of the prerogative
+of the sex. He persisted, however, in this surprising loquacity, until
+the rest of the company thought proper to withdraw, and then contracted
+his discourse into the focus of love, which now put on a very different
+appearance from that which it had formerly worn. Instead of awful
+veneration, which her presence used to inspire, that chastity of
+sentiment, and delicacy of expression, he now gazed upon her with the
+eyes of a libertine, he glowed with the impatience of desire, talked in
+a strain that barely kept within the bounds of decency, and attempted
+to snatch such favours, as she, in the tenderness of mutual
+acknowledgments, had once vouchsafed to bestow.
+
+Grieved and offended as she was, at this palpable alteration in his
+carriage, she disdained to remind him of his former deportment, and,
+with dissembled good-humour, rallied him on the progress he had made
+in gallantry and address. But, far from submitting to the liberties he
+would have taken, she kept her person sacred from his touch, and would
+not even suffer him to ravish a kiss of her fair hand; so that he
+reaped no other advantage from the exercise of his talents, during
+this interview, which lasted a whole hour, than that of knowing he had
+overrated his own importance, and that Emily's heart was not a garrison
+likely to surrender at discretion.
+
+At length his addresses were interrupted by the arrival of the mother,
+who had gone abroad to visit by herself; and the conversation becoming
+more general, he understood that Godfrey was at London, soliciting for a
+lieutenancy that had fallen vacant in the regiment to which he belonged;
+and that Miss Sophy was at home with her father.
+
+Though our adventurer had not met with all the success he expected by
+his first visit, he did not despair of reducing the fortress, believing
+that in time there would be a mutiny in his favour, and accordingly
+carried on the siege for several days, without profiting by his
+perseverance; till, at length, having attended the ladies to their
+own house in the country, he began to look upon this adventure as time
+misspent, and resolved to discontinue his attack, in hopes of meeting
+with a more favourable occasion; being, in the meantime, ambitious of
+displaying in a higher sphere, those qualifications which his vanity
+told him were at present misapplied.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXVIII.
+
+
+
+He attends his Uncle with great Affection during a Fit of Illness--Sets
+out again for London--Meets with his Friend Godfrey, who is prevailed
+upon to accompany him to Bath; on the Road to which Place they chance
+to Dine with a Person who entertains them with a curious Account of a
+certain Company of Adventurers.
+
+
+Thus determined, he took leave of Emilia and her mother, on pretence of
+going to London upon some urgent business, and returned to the garrison,
+leaving the good old lady very much concerned, and the daughter incensed
+at his behaviour, which was the more unexpected, because Godfrey had
+told them that the commodore approved of his nephew's passion.
+
+Our adventurer found his uncle so ill of the gout, which, for the first
+time, had taken possession of his stomach, that his life was in imminent
+danger, and the whole family in disorder. He therefore took the reins
+of government in his own hands, sent for all the physicians in the
+neighbourhood, and attended him in person with the most affectionate
+care, during the whole fit, which lasted a fortnight, and then retired
+before the strength of his constitution.
+
+When the old gentleman recovered his health, he was so penetrated with
+Peregrine's behaviour, that he actually would have made over to him his
+whole fortune, and depended upon him for his own subsistence, had not
+our youth opposed the execution of the deed with all his influence
+and might, and even persuaded him to make a will, in which his friend
+Hatchway, and all his other adherents, were liberally remembered,
+and his aunt provided for on her own terms. This material point being
+settled, he, with his uncle's permission, departed for London, after
+having seen the family affairs established under the direction and
+administration of Mr. Jolter and the lieutenant; for, by this time, Mrs.
+Trunnion was wholly occupied with her spiritual concern.
+
+On his first arrival at London, he sent a card to the lodgings of
+Gauntlet, in consequence of a direction from his mother; and that young
+gentleman waited on him next morning, though not with that alacrity of
+countenance and warmth of friendship which might have been expected
+from the intimacy of their former connection. Nor was Peregrine himself
+actuated by the same unreserved affection for the soldier which he had
+formerly entertained. Godfrey, over and above the offence he had taken
+at Pickle's omission in point of corresponding with him, had been
+informed, by a letter from his mother, of the youth's cavalier behaviour
+to Emilia, during his last residence at Winchester; and our young
+gentleman, as we have already observed, was disgusted at the supposed
+discovery which the soldier had made in his absence to the commodore.
+They, perceived their mutual umbrage at meeting, and received each other
+with that civility of reserve which commonly happens between two persons
+whose friendship is in the wane.
+
+Gauntlet at once divined the cause of the other's displeasure, and, in
+order to vindicate his own character, after the first compliments were
+passed, took the opportunity, on inquiring after the health of the
+commodore, to tell Peregrine, that, while he tarried at the garrison,
+on his return from Dover, the subject of the conversation, one night,
+happening to turn on our hero's passion, the old gentleman had expressed
+his concern about that affair; and, among other observations, said,
+he supposed the object of his love was some paltry hussy, whom he had
+picked up when he was a boy at school. Upon which, Mr. Hatchway assured
+him, that she was a young woman of as good a family as any in the
+county; and, after having prepossessed him in her favour, ventured,
+out of the zeal of his friendship, to tell who she was. Wherefore, the
+discovery was not to be imputed to any other cause; and he hoped Mr.
+Pickle would acquit him of all share in the transaction.
+
+Peregrine was very well pleased to be thus undeceived; his countenance
+immediately cleared up, the formality of his behaviour relaxed into
+his usual familiarity; he asked pardon for his unmannerly neglect of
+Godfrey's letter, which he protested, was not owing to any disregard,
+or abatement of friendship, but to a hurry of youthful engagements, in
+consequence of which he had procrastinated his answer from time to time,
+until he was ready to return in person.
+
+The young soldier was contented with this apology and, as Pickle's
+intention, with respect to his sister, was still dubious and undeclared,
+he did not think it was incumbent upon him, as yet, to express any
+resentment on that score; but was wise enough to foresee, that the
+renewal of his intimacy with our young gentleman might be the means of
+reviving that flame which had been dissipated by a variety of new
+ideas. With those sentiments, he laid aside all reserve, and their
+communication resumed its former channel. Peregrine made him acquainted
+with all the adventures in which he had been engaged since their
+parting; and he, with the same confidence, related the remarkable
+incidents of his own fate; among other things, giving him to understand,
+that, upon obtaining a commission in the army, the father of his dear
+Sophy, without once inquiring about the occasion of his promotion, had
+not only favoured him with his countenance in a much greater degree than
+heretofore, but also contributed his interest, and even promised the
+assistance of his purse, in procuring for him a lieutenancy, which he
+was then soliciting with all his power; whereas, if he had not been
+enabled, by a most accidental piece of good fortune, to lift himself
+into the sphere of an officer, he had all the reason in the world to
+believe that this gentleman, and all the rest of his wealthy relations,
+would have suffered him to languish in obscurity and distress; and by
+turning his misfortune into reproach, made it a plea for their want of
+generosity and friendship.
+
+Peregrine, understanding the situation of his friend's affairs, would
+have accommodated him upon the instant with a sum to accelerate the
+passage of his commission through the offices; but, being too well
+acquainted with his scrupulous disposition, to manifest his benevolence
+in that manner, he found means to introduce himself to one of the
+gentlemen of the War Office, who was so well satisfied with the
+arguments used in behalf of his friend, that Godfrey's business was
+transacted in a very few days, though he himself knew nothing of his
+interest being thus reinforced.
+
+By this time, the season at Bath was begun; and our hero, panting with
+the desire of distinguishing himself at that resort of the fashionable
+world, communicated his design of going thither to his friend Godfrey,
+whom he importuned to accompany him in the excursion; and leave of
+absence from his regiment being obtained by the influence of Peregrine's
+new quality friends, the two companions departed from London in a
+post-chaise, attended, as usual, by the valet-de-chambre and Pipes, who
+were become almost as necessary to our adventurer as any two of his own
+organs.
+
+At the inn, when they alighted for dinner, Godfrey perceived a person
+walking by himself in the yard, with a very pensive air, and, upon
+observing him more narrowly, recognised him to be a professed gamester,
+whom he had formerly known at Tunbridge. On the strength of this
+acquaintance, he accosted the peripatetic, who knew him immediately;
+and, in the fulness of his grief and vexation, told him, that he was
+now on his return from Bath, where he had been stripped by a company
+of sharpers, who resented that he should presume to trade upon his own
+bottom.
+
+Peregrine, who was extremely curious in his inquiries, imagining that
+he might learn some entertaining and useful anecdotes from this artist,
+invited him to dinner, and was accordingly fully informed of all the
+political systems at Bath. He understood that there was at London one
+great company of adventurers, who employed agents in all the different
+branches of imposition throughout the whole kingdom of England, allowing
+these ministers a certain proportion of the profits accruing from their
+industry and skill, and reserving the greatest share for the benefit of
+the common stock, which was chargeable with the expense of fitting
+out individuals in their various pursuits, as well as with the loss
+sustained in the course of their adventures. Some whose persons and
+qualifications are by the company judged adequate to the task, exert
+their talents in making love to ladies of fortune, being accommodated
+with money and accoutrements for that purpose, after having given their
+bonds payable to one or other of the directors, on the day of marriage,
+for certain sums, proportioned to the dowries they are to receive.
+Others versed in the doctrine of chances, and certain secret
+expediences, frequent all those places where games of hazard are
+allowed: and such as are masters in the arts of billiards, tennis,
+and bowls, are continually lying in wait, in all the scenes of
+these diversions, for the ignorant and unwary. A fourth class attend
+horse-races, being skilled in those mysterious practices by which the
+knowing ones are taken in. Nor is this community unfurnished with those
+who lay wanton wives and old rich widows under contribution, and extort
+money, by prostituting themselves to the embraces of their own sex,
+and then threatening their admirers with prosecution. But their most
+important returns are made by that body of their undertakers who
+exercise their understandings in the innumerable stratagems of the card
+table, at which no sharper can be too infamous to be received, and even
+caressed by persons of the highest rank and distinction. Among other
+articles of intelligence, our young gentleman learned, that those
+agents, by whom their guest was broke, and expelled from Bath, had
+constituted a bank against all sporters, and monopolized the advantage
+in all sorts of play. He then told Gauntlet, that, if he would put
+himself under his direction, he would return with them, and lay such a
+scheme as would infallibly ruin the whole society at billiards, as he
+knew that Godfrey excelled them all in his knowledge of that game.
+
+The soldier excused himself from engaging in any party of that kind, and
+after dinner the travellers parted; but, as the conversation between
+the two friends turned upon the information they had received, Peregrine
+projected a plan for punishing those villainous pests of society,
+who prey upon their fellow-creatures; and it was put in execution by
+Gauntlet in the following manner.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXIX.
+
+
+
+Godfrey executes a Scheme at Bath, by which a whole Company of Sharpers
+is ruined.
+
+
+On the evening after their arrival at Bath, Godfrey, who had kept
+himself up all day for that purpose, went in boots to the billiard
+table; and, two gentlemen being at play, began to bet with so little
+appearance of judgment, that one of the adventurers then present was
+inflamed with a desire of profiting by his inexperience; and, when the
+table was vacant, invited him to take a game for amusement. The soldier,
+assuming the air of a self-conceited dupe, answered, that he did not
+choose to throw away his time for nothing, but, if he pleased, would
+piddle for a crown a game. This declaration was very agreeable to
+the other, who wanted to be further confirmed in the opinion he
+had conceived of the stranger, before he would play for anything of
+consequence. The party being accepted, Gauntlet put off his coat,
+and, beginning with seeming eagerness, won the first game, because his
+antagonist kept up his play with a view of encouraging him to wager
+a greater sum. The soldier purposely bit at the hook, the stakes
+were doubled, and he was again victorious, by the permission of his
+competitor. He now began to yawn; and observing, that it was not worth
+his while to proceed in such a childish manner; the other swore, in
+an affected passion, that he would play him for twenty guineas. The
+proposal being embraced, through the connivance of Godfrey, the money
+was won by the sharper, who exerted his dexterity to the utmost, fearing
+that otherwise his adversary would decline continuing the game.
+
+Godfrey thus conquered, pretended to lose his temper, cursed his own
+ill-luck, swore that the table had a cast, and that the balls did not
+run true, changed his mast, and with great warmth, challenged his enemy
+to double the sum. The gamester, who feigned reluctance, complied with
+his desire; and having got the two first hazards, offered to lay one
+hundred guineas to fifty on the game. The odds were taken; and Godfrey
+having allowed himself to be overcome, began to rage with great
+violence, broke the mast to pieces, threw the balls out of the window,
+and, in the fury of his indignation, defied his antagonist to meet him
+tomorrow, when he should be refreshed from the fatigue of travelling.
+This was a very welcome invitation to the gamester, who, imagining that
+the soldier would turn out a most beneficial prize, assured him, that
+he would not fail to be there next forenoon, in order to give him his
+revenge.
+
+Gauntlet went home to his lodgings, fully certified of his own
+superiority, and took his measures with Peregrine, touching the
+prosecution of their scheme; while his opponent made a report of his
+success to the brethren of the gang, who resolved to be present at the
+decision of the match, with a view of taking advantage of the stranger's
+passionate disposition.
+
+Affairs being thus concerted on both sides, the players met, according
+to appointment, and the room was immediately filled with spectators,
+who either came thither by accident, curiosity, or design. The match
+was fixed for one hundred pounds a game, the principals chose their
+instruments, and laid aside their coats, and one of the knights of the
+order proffered to lay another hundred on the head of his associate.
+Godfrey took him upon the instant. A second worthy of the same class,
+seeing him so eager, challenged him to treble the sum; and his proposal
+met with the same reception, to the astonishment of the company, whose
+expectation was raised to a very interesting pitch. The game was begun,
+and the soldier having lost the first hazard, the odds were offered by
+the confederacy with great vociferation; but nobody would run such a
+risk in favour of a person who was utterly unknown. The sharper having
+gained the second also, the noise increased to a surprising clamour, not
+only of the gang, but likewise of almost all the spectators, who desired
+to lay two to one against the brother of Emilia.
+
+Peregrine, who was present, perceiving the cupidity of the association
+sufficiently inflamed, all of a sudden opened his mouth, and answered
+their bets, to the amount of twelve hundred pounds; which were
+immediately deposited, on both sides, in money and notes; so that this
+was, perhaps, the most important game that ever was played at billiards.
+Gauntlet seeing the agreement settled, struck his antagonist's ball
+into the pocket in a twinkling, though it was in one of those situations
+which are supposed to be against the striker. The betters were a little
+discomposed at this event, for which, however, they consoled themselves
+by imputing the success to accident; but when, at the very next
+stroke, he sprung it over the table, their countenances underwent an
+instantaneous distraction of feature, and they waited, in the most
+dreadful suspense, for the next hazard, which being likewise taken with
+infinite ease by the soldier, the blood forsook their cheeks, and the
+interjection "Zounds!" pronounced with a look of consternation, and in a
+tone of despair, proceeded from every mouth at the same instant of
+time. They were overwhelmed with horror and astonishment at seeing
+three hazards taken in as many strokes, from a person of their
+friend's dexterity; and shrewdly suspected, that the whole was a scheme
+preconcerted for their destruction. On this supposition, they changed
+the note, and attempted to hedge for their own indemnification, by
+proposing to lay the odds in favour of Gauntlet; but so much was the
+opinion of the company altered by that young gentleman's success,
+that no one would venture to espouse the cause of his competitor, who,
+chancing to improve his game by the addition of another lucky hit,
+diminished the concern, and revived the hopes of his adherents.
+
+But this gleam of fortune did not long continue. Godfrey collected
+his whole art and capacity, and, augmenting his score to number ten,
+indulged himself with a view of the whole fraternity. The visages of
+these professors had adopted different shades of complexion at every
+hazard he had taken: from their natural colour they had shifted into
+a sallow hue; from thence into pale; from pale into yellow, which
+degenerated into a mahogany tint; and now they saw seventeen hundred
+pounds of their stock depending upon a single stroke, they stood like so
+many swarthy Moors, jaundiced with terror and vexation. The fire which
+naturally glowed in the cheeks and nose of the player, seemed utterly
+extinct, and his carbuncles exhibited a livid appearance, as if a
+gangrene had already made some progress in his face; his hand began to
+shake, and his whole frame was seized with such trepidation, that he
+was fain to swallow a bumper of brandy, in order to re-establish the
+tranquility of his nerves. This expedient, however, did not produce
+the desired effect; for he aimed the ball at the lead with such
+discomposure, that it struck on the wrong side, and came off at an
+angle which directed it full in the middle hole. This fatal accident was
+attended with a universal groan, as if the whole universe had gone to
+wreck; and notwithstanding that tranquility for which adventurers are so
+remarkable, this loss made such an impression upon them all, that each
+in particular manifested his chagrin, by the most violent emotions. One
+turned up his eyes to heaven, and bit his nether lip; another gnawed
+his fingers, while he stalked across the room; a third blasphemed with
+horrid imprecations; and he who played the party sneaked off, grinding
+his teeth together, with a look that baffles all description, and as he
+crossed the threshold, exclaiming, "A d--d bite, by G--!"
+
+The victors, after having insulted them, by asking, if they were
+disposed for another chance, carried off their winning, with the
+appearance of great composure, though in their hearts they were
+transported with unspeakable joy; not so much on account of the booty
+they had gained, as in consideration of having so effectually destroyed
+such a nest of pernicious miscreants.
+
+Peregrine, believing that now he had found an opportunity of serving his
+friend, without giving offence to the delicacy of his honour, told him,
+upon their arrival at their lodgings, that fortune had at length enabled
+him to become in a manner independent, or at least make himself easy in
+his circumstances, by purchasing a company with the money he had won.
+So saying, he put his share of the success in Gauntlet's hand, as a sum
+that of right belonged to him, and promised to write in his behalf to
+a nobleman, who had interest enough to promote such a quick rise in the
+service.
+
+Godfrey thanked him for his obliging intention, but absolutely refused,
+with great loftiness of demeanour, to appropriate to his own use any
+part of the money which Pickle had gained, and seemed affronted at the
+other's entertaining a sentiment so unworthy of his character. He would
+not even accept, in the way of loan, such an addition to his own stock,
+as would amount to the price of a company of foot; but expressed great
+confidence in the future exertion of that talent which had been blessed
+with such a prosperous beginning. Our hero finding him thus obstinately
+deaf to the voice of his own interest, resolved to govern himself in
+his next endeavours of friendship, by his experience of this ticklish
+punctilio; and, in the meantime, gave a handsome benefaction to the
+hospital, out of these first fruits of the success in play, and reserved
+two hundred pounds for a set of diamond ear-rings and solitaire, which
+he intended for a present to Miss Emily.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXX.
+
+
+
+The two Friends eclipse all their Competitors in Gallantry, and practise
+a pleasant Project of Revenge upon the Physicians of the Place.
+
+
+The fame of their exploit against the sharpers was immediately diffused
+through all the companies at Bath; so that, when our adventurers
+appeared in public, they were pointed out by an hundred extended
+fingers, and considered as consummate artists in all the different
+species of finesse, which they would not fail to practise with the first
+opportunity. Nor was this opinion of their characters any obstacle to
+their reception into the fashionable parties in the place; but, on the
+contrary, such a recommendation, which, as I have already hinted, never
+fails to operate for the advantage of the possessor.
+
+This first adventure, therefore, served them as an introduction to
+the company at Bath, who were not a little surprised to find their
+expectations baffled by the conduct of the two companions; because,
+far from engaging deeply at play, they rather shunned all occasions of
+gaming, and directed their attention to gallantry, in which our hero
+shone unrivalled. His external qualifications, exclusive of any other
+merit, were strong enough to captivate the common run of the female sex;
+and these, reinforced with a sprightliness of conversation, and a
+most insinuating address, became irresistible, even by those who were
+fortified with pride, caution, or indifference. But, among all the
+nymphs of this gay place, he did not meet with one object that disputed
+the empire of his heart with Emilia, and therefore he divided his
+attachment according to the suggestions of vanity and whim; so that,
+before he had resided a fortnight at Bath, he had set all the ladies
+by the ears, and furnished all the hundred tongues of scandal with full
+employment. The splendour of his appearance excited the inquiries of
+envy, which, instead of discovering any circumstances to his prejudice,
+was cursed with the information of his being a young gentleman of a good
+family, and heir to an immense fortune.
+
+The countenance of some of his quality friends, who arrived at Bath,
+confirmed this piece of intelligence. Upon which his acquaintance
+was courted and cultivated with great assiduity; and he met with such
+advances from some of the fair sex, as rendered him extremely fortunate
+in his amours. Nor was his friend Godfrey a stranger to favours of the
+same kind; his accomplishments were exactly calculated for the meridian
+of female taste; and, with certain individuals of that sex, his muscular
+frame, and the robust connection of his limbs, were more attractive
+than the delicate proportions of his companion. He accordingly reigned
+paramount among those inamoratas who were turned of thirty, without
+being under the necessity of proceeding by tedious addresses, and was
+thought to have co-operated with the waters in removing the sterility of
+certain ladies, who had long undergone the reproach and disgust of their
+husbands; while Peregrine set up his throne among those who laboured
+under the disease of celibacy, from the pert miss of fifteen, who,
+with a fluttering heart, tosses her head, bridles up, and giggles
+involuntarily at sight of a handsome young man, to the staid maid of
+twenty-eight, who, with a demure aspect, moralizes on the vanity of
+beauty, the folly of youth, and simplicity of woman, and expatiates
+on friendship, benevolence, and good sense, in the style of a Platonic
+philosopher.
+
+In such a diversity of dispositions, his conquests were attended with
+all the heart-burnings, animosities, and turmoils of jealousy and spite.
+The younger class took all opportunities of mortifying their seniors
+in public, by treating them with that indignity which, contrary to the
+general privilege of age, is, by the consent and connivance of mankind,
+leveled against those who have the misfortune to come under the
+denomination of old maids; and these last retorted their hostilities
+in the private machinations of slander, supported by experience and
+subtilty of invention. Not one day passed in which some new story did
+not circulate, to the prejudice of one or other of those rivals.
+
+If our hero, in the long-room, chanced to quit one of the moralists,
+with whom he had been engaged in conversation, he was immediately
+accosted by a number of the opposite faction, who, with ironical smiles,
+upbraided him with cruelty to the poor lady he had left, exhorted him to
+have compassion on her sufferings; and, turning their eyes towards
+the object of their intercession, broke forth into a universal peal of
+laughter. On the other hand, when Peregrine, in consequence of having
+danced with one of the minors overnight, visited her in the morning,
+the Platonists immediately laid hold on the occasion, tasked their
+imaginations, associated ideas, and, with sage insinuations, retailed a
+thousand circumstances of the interview, which never had any foundation
+in truth. They observed, that, if girls are determined to behave with
+such indiscretion, they must lay their accounts with incurring the
+censure of the world; that she in question was old enough to act more
+circumspectly; and wondered that her mother would permit any young
+fellow to approach the chamber while her daughter was naked in bed.
+As for the servants peeping through the key-hole, to be sure it was an
+unlucky accident; but people ought to be upon their guard against
+such curiosity, and give their domestics no cause to employ their
+penetration. These and other such reflections were occasionally
+whispered as secrets among those who were known to be communicative; so
+that, in a few hours, it became the general topic of discourse; and,
+as it had been divulged under injunctions of secrecy, it was almost
+impossible to trace the scandal to its origin; because every person
+concerned must have promulgated her own breach of trust, in discovering
+her author of the report.
+
+Peregrine, instead of allaying, rather exasperated this contention,
+by an artful distribution of his attention among the competitors; well
+knowing, that, should his regard be converged into one point, he would
+soon forfeit the pleasure he enjoyed in seeing them at variance; for
+both parties would join against the common enemy, and his favourite
+would be persecuted by the whole coalition. He perceived, that, among
+the secret agents of scandal, none were so busy as the physicians, a
+class of animals who live in this place, like so many ravens hovering
+about a carcase, and even ply for employment, like scullers at
+Hungerford-stairs. The greatest part of them have correspondents
+in London, who make it their business to inquire into the history,
+character, and distemper of every one that repairs to Bath, for the
+benefit of the waters, and if they cannot procure interest to recommend
+their medical friends to these patients before they set out, they at
+least furnish them with a previous account of what they could collect,
+that their correspondents may use this intelligence for their own
+advantage. By these means, and the assistance of flattery and assurance,
+they often insinuate themselves into the acquaintance of strangers, and,
+by consulting their dispositions, become necessary and subservient to
+their prevailing passions. By their connection with apothecaries and
+nurses, they are informed of all the private occurrences in each family,
+and therefore enabled to gratify the rancour of malice, amuse the spleen
+of peevish indisposition, and entertain the eagerness of impertinent
+curiosity.
+
+In the course of these occupations, which frequently affected the
+reputation of our two adventurers, this whole body fell under the
+displeasure of our hero, who, after divers consultations with his
+friend, concerted a stratagem, which was practised upon the faculty
+in this manner. Among those who frequented the pump-room, was an old
+officer, whose temper, naturally impatient, was, by repeated attacks
+of the gout, which had almost deprived him of the use of his limbs,
+sublimated into a remarkable degree of virulence and perverseness. He
+imputed the inveteracy of his distemper to the malpractice of a surgeon
+who had administered to him, while he laboured under the consequences
+of an unfortunate amour; and this supposition had inspired him with an
+insurmountable antipathy to all the professors of the medical art, which
+was more and more confirmed by the information of a friend at London,
+who had told him, that it was the common practice among the physicians
+at Bath to dissuade their patients from drinking the water, that the
+cure, and in consequence their attendance, might be longer protracted.
+
+Thus prepossessed, he had come to Bath, and, conformable to a few
+general instructions he had received, used the waters without any
+farther direction, taking all occasions of manifesting his hatred and
+contempt of the sons of Esculapius, both by speech and gesticulations,
+and even by pursuing a regimen quite contrary to that which he knew they
+prescribed to others who seemed to be exactly in his condition. But he
+did not find his account in this method, how successful soever it may
+have been in other cases. His complaints, instead of vanishing, were
+every day more and more enraged: and at length he was confined to his
+bed, where he lay blaspheming from morn to night, and from night to
+morn, though still more determined than ever to adhere to his former
+maxims.
+
+In the midst of his torture, which was become the common joke of the
+town, being circulated through the industry of the physicians, who
+triumphed in his disaster, Peregrine, by means of Mr. Pipes, employed a
+country fellow, who had come to market, to run with great haste, early
+one morning, to the lodgings of all the doctors in town, and desire them
+to attend the colonel with all imaginable despatch. In consequence of
+this summons, the whole faculty put themselves in motion; and three
+of the foremost arriving at the same instant of time, far from
+complimenting one another with the door, each separately essayed to
+enter, and the whole triumvirate stuck in the passage. While they
+remained thus wedged together, they descried two of their brethren
+posting towards the same goal, with all the speed that God had enabled
+them to exert; upon which they came to a parley, and agreed to stand
+by one another. This covenant being made, they disentangled themselves,
+and, inquiring about the patient, were told by the servant that he had
+just fallen asleep.
+
+Having received this intelligence, they took possession of his
+ante-chamber, and shut the door, while the rest of the tribe posted
+themselves on the outside as they arrived; so that the whole passage was
+filled, from the top of the staircase to the street-door; and the people
+of the house, together with the colonel's servant, struck dumb with
+astonishment. The three leaders of this learned gang had no sooner made
+their lodgment good, than they began to consult about the patient's
+malady, which every one of them pretended to have considered with great
+care and assiduity. The first who gave his opinion, said, the distemper
+was an obstinate arthritis; the second affirmed, that it was no other
+than a confirmed pox; and the third swore, it was an inveterate scurvy.
+This diversity of opinions was supported by a variety of quotations
+from medical authors, ancient as well as modern; but these were not of
+sufficient authority, or, at least, not explicit enough to decide the
+dispute; for there are many schisms in medicine, as well as in religion,
+and each sect can quote the fathers in support of the tenets they
+profess. In short, the contention rose to such a pitch of clamour, as
+not only alarmed the brethren on the stair, but also awaked the patient
+from the first nap he had enjoyed in the space of ten whole days. Had
+it been simply waking, he would have been obliged to them for the noise
+that disturbed him; for, in that case, he would have been relieved from
+the tortures of hell fire, to which, in his dreams, he fancied himself
+exposed. But this dreadful vision had been the result of that impression
+which was made upon his brain by the intolerable anguish of his joints;
+so that, when he awaked, the pain, instead of being allayed, was
+rather aggravated by a great acuteness of sensation; and the confused
+vociferation in the next room invading his ears at the same time, he
+began to think his dream was realised, and, in the pangs of despair,
+applied himself to a bell that stood by his bedside, which he rung with
+great violence and perseverance.
+
+This alarm put an immediate stop to the disputation of the three
+doctors, who, upon this notice of his being awake, rushed into his
+chamber, without ceremony; and two of them seizing his arms, the third
+made the like application to one of his temples. Before the patient
+could recollect himself from the amazement which had laid hold on him
+at this unexpected irruption, the room was filled by the rest of the
+faculty, who followed the servant that entered in obedience to his
+master's call; and the bed was in a moment surrounded by these gaunt
+ministers of death. The colonel seeing himself beset with such an
+assemblage of solemn visages and figures, which he had always considered
+with the utmost detestation and abhorrence, was incensed to a most
+inexpressible degree of indignation; and so inspirited by his rage, that
+though his tongue denied its office, his other limbs performed their
+functions. He disengaged himself from the triumvirate, who had taken
+possession of his body, sprung out of bed with incredible agility, and,
+seizing one of his crutches, applied it so effectually to one of the
+three, just as he stooped to examine the patient's water, that his
+tie-periwig dropped into the pot, while he himself fell motionless on
+the floor.
+
+This significant explanation disconcerted the whole fraternity; every
+man turned his face, as if it were by instinct, towards the door;
+and the retreat of the community being obstructed by the efforts of
+individuals, confusion and tumultuous uproar ensued. For the colonel,
+far from limiting his prowess to the first exploit, handled his weapon
+with astonishing vigour and dexterity, without respect of persons; so
+that few or none of them had escaped without marks of his displeasure,
+when his spirits failed, and he sank down again quite exhausted on his
+bed. Favoured by this respite, the discomfited faculty collected their
+hats and wigs, which had fallen off in the fray; and perceiving the
+assailant too much enfeebled to renew the attack, set up their throats
+together, and loudly threatened to prosecute him severely for such an
+outrageous assault.
+
+By this time the landlord had interposed; and, inquiring into the
+cause of the disturbance, was informed of what had happened by the
+complainants, who, at the same time, giving him to understand that
+they had been severally summoned to attend the colonel that morning, he
+assured them that they had been imposed upon by some wag, for his lodger
+had never dreamed of consulting any one of their profession.
+
+Thunderstruck at this declaration, the general clamour instantaneously
+ceased; and each, in particular, at once comprehending the nature of
+the joke, they sneaked silently off with the loss they had sustained, in
+unutterable shame and mortification; while Peregrine and his friend, who
+took care to be passing that way by accident, made a full stop at
+sight of such an extraordinary efflux, and enjoyed the countenance and
+condition of every one as he appeared; nay, even made up to some of
+those who seemed most affected with their situation, and mischievously
+tormented them with questions, touching this unusual congregation; then,
+in consequence of the information they received from the landlord and
+the colonel's valet, subjected the sufferers to the ridicule of all the
+company in town. As it would have been impossible for the authors of
+this farce to keep themselves concealed from the indefatigable inquiries
+of the physicians, they made no secret of their having directed the
+whole: though they took care to own it in such an ambiguous manner, as
+afforded no handle of prosecution.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine humbles a noted Hector, and meets with a strange Character at
+the House of a certain Lady.
+
+
+Among those who never failed to reside at Bath during the season, was a
+certain person, who, from the most abject misery, had, by his industry
+and art at play, amassed about fifteen thousand pounds; and though his
+character was notorious, insinuated himself so far into the favour
+of what is called the best company, that very few private parties of
+pleasure took place in which he was not principally concerned. He was
+of a gigantic stature, a most intrepid countenance; and his disposition,
+naturally overbearing, had, in the course of his adventures and success,
+acquired a most intolerable degree of insolence and vanity. By the
+ferocity of his features, and audacity of his behaviour, he had obtained
+a reputation for the most undaunted courage, which had been confirmed by
+divers adventures, in which he had humbled the most assuming heroes of
+his own fraternity; so that he now reigned chief Hector of the place
+with unquestioned authority.
+
+With this son of fortune was Peregrine one evening engaged at play, and
+so successful, that he could not help informing his friend of his
+good luck. Godfrey, hearing the description of the loser, immediately
+recognized the person, whom he had known at Tunbridge; and, assuring
+Pickle that he was a sharper of the first water, cautioned him against
+any further connection with such a dangerous companion, who, he
+affirmed, had suffered him to win a small sum, that he might be
+encouraged to lose a much greater sum upon some other occasion.
+
+Our young gentleman treasured up this advice; and though he did not
+scruple to give the gamester an opportunity of retrieving his loss, when
+he next day demanded his revenge, he absolutely refused to proceed
+after he had refunded his winning. The other, who considered him as
+a hot-headed unthinking youth, endeavoured to inflame his pride to a
+continuance of the game, by treating his skill with scorn and contempt;
+and, among other sarcastic expressions, advised him to go to school
+again, before he pretended to engage with masters of the art. Our hero,
+incensed at his arrogance, replied with great warmth, that he knew
+himself sufficiently qualified for playing with men of honour, who deal
+upon the square, and hoped he should always deem it infamous either
+to learn or practise the tricks of a professed gamester. "Blood and
+thunder! meaning me, sir?" cried this artist, raising his voice, and
+curling his visage into a most intimidating frown. "Zounds! I'll cut the
+throat of any scoundrel who has the presumption to suppose that I don't
+play as honourably as e'er a nobleman in the kingdom: and I insist upon
+an explanation from you, sir; or, by hell and brimstone! I shall expect
+other sort of satisfaction." Peregrine (whose blood by this time boiled
+within him) answered without hesitation, "Far from thinking your demand
+unreasonable, I will immediately explain myself without reserve, and
+tell you, that, upon unquestionable authority, I believe you to be an
+impudent rascal and common cheat."
+
+The Hector was so amazed and confounded at the freedom of this
+declaration, which he thought no man on earth would venture to make in
+his presence, that, for some minutes, he could not recollect himself;
+but at length whispered a challenge in the ear of our hero, which was
+accordingly accepted. When they arrived next morning upon the field, the
+gamester, arming his countenance with all its terrors, advanced with a
+sword of a monstrous length, and, putting himself in a posture, called
+out aloud in a most terrific voice, "Draw, d--n ye, draw; I will this
+instant send you to your fathers." The youth was not slow in complying
+with his desire; his weapon was unsheathed in a moment, and he began
+the attack with such unexpected spirit and address, that his adversary,
+having made shift with great difficulty to parry the first pass,
+retreated a few paces, and demanded a parley, in which he endeavoured
+to persuade the young man, that to lay a man of his character under
+the necessity of chastising his insolence, was the most rash and
+inconsiderate step that he could possibly have taken; but that he had
+compassion upon his youth, and was willing to spare him if he would
+surrender his sword, and promise to ask pardon in public for the offence
+he had given. Pickle was so much exasperated at this unparalleled
+effrontery, that, without deigning to make the least reply, he flung
+his own hat in the proposer's face, and renewed the charge with such
+undaunted agility, that the gamester, finding himself in manifest
+hazard of his life, betook himself to his heels, and fled homewards
+with incredible speed, being closely pursued by Peregrine, who, having
+sheathed his sword, pelted him with stones as he ran, and compelled him
+to go, that same day, into banishment from Bath, where he had domineered
+so long.
+
+By this achievement, which was the subject of astonishment to all the
+company, who had looked upon the fugitive as a person of heroic
+courage, our adventurer's reputation was rendered formidable in all
+its circumstances; although he thereby disobliged a good many people of
+fashion, who had contracted an intimacy of friendship with the exile,
+and who resented his disgrace, as if it had been the misfortune of
+a worthy man. These generous patrons, however, bore a very small
+proportion to those who were pleased with the event of the duel;
+because, in the course of their residence at Bath, they had either been
+insulted or defrauded by the challenger. Nor was this instance of our
+hero's courage unacceptable to the ladies, few of whom could now resist
+the united force of such accomplishments. Indeed, neither he nor
+his friend Godfrey would have found much difficulty in picking up an
+agreeable companion for life; but Gauntlet's heart was pre-engaged
+to Sophy; and Pickle, exclusive of his attachment to Emily, which was
+stronger than he himself imagined, possessed such a share of ambition
+as could not be satisfied with the conquest of any female he beheld at
+Bath.
+
+His visits were, therefore, promiscuous, without any other view than
+that of amusement; and though his pride was flattered by the advances
+of the fair, whom he had captivated, he never harboured one thought of
+proceeding beyond the limits of common gallantry, and carefully avoided
+all particular explanations. But, what above all other enjoyments
+yielded him the most agreeable entertainment, was the secret history of
+characters, which he learned from a very extraordinary person, with whom
+he became acquainted in this manner.
+
+Being at the house of a certain lady on a visiting day, he was struck
+with the appearance of an old man, who no sooner entered the room than
+the mistress of the house very kindly desired one of the wits present to
+roast the old put. This petit-maitre, proud of the employment, went up
+to the senior, who had something extremely peculiar and significant
+in his countenance, and saluting him with divers fashionable congees,
+accosted him in these words: "Your servant, you old rascal. I hope to
+have the honour of seeing you hanged. I vow to Gad! you look extremely
+shocking, with these gummy eyes, lanthorn jaws, and toothless chaps.
+What! you squint at the ladies, you old rotten medlar? Yes, yes, we
+understand your ogling; but you must content yourself with a cook-maid,
+sink me! I see you want to sit. These withered shanks of yours tremble
+under their burden; but you must have a little patience, old Hirco!
+indeed you must. I intend to mortify you a little longer, curse me!"
+
+The company was so tickled with this address, which was delivered with
+much grimace and gesticulation, that they burst out into a loud fit
+of laughter, which they fathered upon a monkey that was chained in the
+room; and, when the peal was over, the wit renewed the attack in these
+words: "I suppose you are fool enough to think this mirth was occasioned
+by Pug. Ay, there he is; you had best survey him; he is of your own
+family; switch me. But the laugh was at your expense; and you ought
+to thank Heaven for making you so ridiculous." While he uttered these
+ingenious ejaculations, the old gentleman bowed alternately to him and
+the monkey, that seemed to grin and chatter in imitation of the beau,
+and, with an arch solemnity of visage, pronounced, "Gentlemen, as I have
+not the honour to understand your compliments, they will be much better
+bestowed on each other." So saying, he seated himself, and had the
+satisfaction to see the laugh returned upon the aggressor, who remained
+confounded and abashed, and in a few minutes left the room, muttering,
+as he retired, "The old fellow grows scurrilous, stap my breath!"
+
+While Peregrine wondered in silence at this extraordinary scene, the
+lady of the house perceiving his surprise, gave him to understand, that
+the ancient visitant was utterly bereft of the sense of hearing;
+that his name was Cadwallader Crabtree, his disposition altogether
+misanthropical; and that he was admitted into company on account
+of entertainment he afforded by his sarcastic observations, and the
+pleasant mistakes to which he was subject from his infirmity. Nor did
+our hero wait a long time for an illustration of this odd character.
+Every sentence he spoke was replete with gall; nor did his satire
+consist in general reflections, but a series of remarks, which had been
+made through the medium of a most whimsical peculiarity of opinion.
+
+Among those who were present at this assembly was a young officer, who
+having, by dint of interest, obtained a seat in the lower house, thought
+it incumbent upon him to talk of affairs of state; and accordingly
+regaled the company with an account of a secret expedition which the
+French were busied in preparing; assuring them that he had it from the
+mouth of the minister, to whom it had been transmitted by one of his
+agents abroad. In descanting upon the particulars of the armament,
+he observed that they had twenty ships of the line ready manned and
+victualled at Brest, which were destined for Toulon, where they would
+be joined by as many more; and from thence proceed to the execution of
+their scheme, which he imparted as a secret not fit to be divulged.
+
+This piece of intelligence being communicated to all the company except
+Mr. Crabtree, who suffered by his loss of hearing, that cynic was soon
+after accosted by a lady, who, by means of an artificial alphabet,
+formed by a certain conjunction and disposition of the fingers, asked if
+he had heard any extraordinary news of late. Cadwallader, with his usual
+complaisance, replied, that he supposed she took him for a courier or
+spy, by teasing him eternally with that question. He then expatiated
+upon the foolish curiosity of mankind, which, he said, must either
+proceed from idleness or want of ideas; and repeated almost verbatim
+the officer's information, a vague ridiculous report invented by some
+ignorant coxcomb, who wanted to give himself airs of importance, and
+believed only by those who were utterly unacquainted with the politics
+and strength of the French nation.
+
+In confirmation of what he had advanced, he endeavoured to demonstrate
+how impossible it must be for that people to fit out even the third part
+of such a navy, so soon after the losses they had sustained during
+the war; and confirmed his proof by asserting, that to his certain
+knowledge, the harbours of Brest and Toulon could not at that time
+produce a squadron of eight ships of the line. The member, who was
+an utter stranger to this misanthrope, hearing his own asseverations
+treated with such contempt, glowed with confusion and resentment,
+and, raising his voice, began to defend his own veracity, with great
+eagerness and trepidation, mingling with his arguments many blustering
+invectives, against the insolence and ill manners of his supposed
+contradictor, who sat with the most mortifying composure of countenance,
+till the officer's patience was quite exhausted, and then, to the
+manifest increase of his vexation, he was informed, that his antagonist
+was so deaf, that in all probability, the last trumpet would make no
+impression upon him, without a previous renovation of his organs.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXII.
+
+
+
+He cultivates an Acquaintance with the Misanthrope, who favours him with
+a short Sketch of his own History.
+
+
+Peregrine was extremely well pleased with this occasional rebuke, which
+occurred so seasonably, that he could scarce believe it accidental. He
+looked upon Cadwallader as the greatest curiosity he had ever known,
+and cultivated the old man's acquaintance with such insinuating address,
+that in less than a fortnight he obtained his confidence. As they one
+day walked into the fields together, the man-hater disclosed himself in
+these words:--"Though the term of our communication has been but short,
+you must have perceived, that I treat you with uncommon marks of regard;
+which, I assure you, is not owing to your personal accomplishments, nor
+the pains you take to oblige me; for the first I overlook, and the
+last I see through. But there is something in your disposition which
+indicates a rooted contempt for the world, and I understand you have
+made some successful efforts in exposing one part of it to the ridicule
+of the other. It is upon this assurance that I offer you my advice and
+assistance, in prosecuting other schemes of the same nature; and to
+convince you that such an alliance is not to be rejected, I will now
+give you a short sketch of my history, which will be published after my
+death, in forty-seven volumes of my own compiling.
+
+"I was born about forty miles from this place, of parents who, having
+a very old family name to support, bestowed their whole fortune on my
+elder brother; so that I inherited of my father little else than a large
+share of choler, to which I am indebted for a great many adventures that
+did not always end to my satisfaction. At the age of eighteen I was sent
+up to town, with a recommendation to a certain peer, who found means
+to amuse me with the promise of a commission for seven whole years; and
+'tis odds but I should have made my fortune by my perseverance, had not
+I been arrested, and thrown into the Marshalsea by my landlord, on whose
+credit I had subsisted three years, after my father had renounced me as
+an idle vagabond. There I remained six months, among those prisoners
+who have no other support than chance charity; and contracted a very
+valuable acquaintance, which was of great service to me in the future
+emergencies of my life.
+
+"I was no sooner discharged, in consequence of an act of parliament
+for the relief of insolvent debtors, than I went to the house of my
+creditor, whom I cudgelled without mercy; and, that I might leave
+nothing undone of those things which I ought to have done, my next stage
+was to Westminster Hall, where I waited until my patron came forth from
+the house, and saluted him with a blow that laid him senseless on the
+pavement. But my retreat was not so fortunate as I could have wished.
+The chairman and lacqueys in waiting having surrounded and disarmed me
+in a trice, I was committed to Newgate, and loaded with chains; and
+a very sagacious gentleman, who was afterwards hanged, having sat in
+judgment upon my case, pronounced me guilty of a capital crime, and
+foretold my condemnation at the Old Bailey. His prognostic, however, was
+disappointed; for nobody appearing to prosecute me at the next session,
+I was discharged by order of the court. It would be impossible for me
+to recount, in the compass of one day's conversation, all the particular
+exploits of which I bore considerable share. Suffice it to say, I have
+been, at different times, prisoner in all the jails within the bills of
+mortality. I have broken from every round-house on this side Temple-bar.
+No bailiff, in the days of my youth and desperation, durst execute a
+writ upon me without a dozen of followers; and the justices themselves
+trembled when I was brought before them.
+
+"I was once maimed by a carman, with whom I quarrelled, because he
+ridiculed my leek on St. David's day; my skull was fractured by a
+butcher's cleaver on the like occasion. I have been run through the body
+five times, and lost the tip of my left ear by a pistol bullet. In a
+rencontre of this kind, having left my antagonist for dead, I was wise
+enough to make my retreat into France; and a few days after my arrival
+at Paris, entering into conversation with some officers on the subject
+of politics, a dispute arose, in which I lost my temper, and spoke so
+irreverently of the Grand Monarque, that next morning I was sent to the
+Bastille, by virtue of a lettre de cachet. There I remained for
+some months, deprived of all intercourse with rational creatures;
+a circumstance for which I was not sorry, as I had the more time to
+project schemes of revenge against the tyrant who confined me, and the
+wretch who had betrayed my private conversation. But tired, at length,
+with these fruitless suggestions, I was fain to unbend the severity of
+my thoughts by a correspondence with some industrious spiders, who had
+hung my dungeon with their ingenious labours.
+
+"I considered their work with such attention that I soon became an adept
+in the mystery of weaving, and furnished myself with as many useful
+observations and reflections on that art, as will compose a very curious
+treatise, which I intend to bequeath to the Royal Society, for the
+benefit of our woollen manufacture; and this with a view to perpetuate
+my own name, rather than befriend my country; for, thank Heaven! I am
+weaned from all attachments of that kind, and look upon myself as one
+very little obliged to any society whatsoever. Although I presided
+with absolute power over this long-legged community, and distributed
+punishments and rewards to each, according to his deserts, I grew
+impatient of my situation; and my natural disposition one day
+prevailing, like a fire which had long been smothered, I wreaked the
+fury of my indignation upon my innocent subjects, and in a twinkling
+destroyed the whole race. While I was employed in this general massacre,
+the turnkey, who brought me food, opened the door, and perceiving my
+transport, shrugged up his shoulders, and leaving my allowance, went
+out, pronouncing, Le pauvre diable! la tete lui tourne. My passion no
+sooner subsided than I resolved to profit by this opinion of the jailor,
+and from that day counterfeited lunacy with such success, that in less
+than three months I was delivered from the Bastille, and sent to the
+galleys, in which they thought my bodily vigour might be of service,
+although the faculties of my mind were decayed. Before I was chained
+to the oar, I received three hundred stripes by way of welcome, that I
+might thereby be rendered more tractable, notwithstanding I used all the
+arguments in my power to persuade them I was only mad north-north-west,
+and, when the wind was southerly, knew a hawk from a handsaw.
+
+"In our second cruise we had the good fortune to be overtaken by
+a tempest, during which the slaves were unbound, that they might
+contribute the more to the preservation of the galley, and have a chance
+for their lives, in case of shipwreck. We were no sooner at liberty,
+than, making ourselves masters of the vessel, we robbed the officers,
+and ran her on shore among rocks on the coast of Portugal; from whence
+I hastened to Lisbon, with a view of obtaining my passage in some ship
+bound for England, where, by this time, I hoped my affair was forgotten.
+
+"But, before this scheme could be accomplished, my evil genius led me
+into company; and, being intoxicated, I began to broach doctrines on
+the subject of religion, at which some of the party were scandalized and
+incensed; and I was next day dragged out of bed by the officers of the
+Inquisition, and conveyed to a cell in the prison belonging to that
+tribunal.
+
+"At my first examination, my resentment was strong enough to support me
+under the torture, which I endured without flinching; but my resolution
+abated, and my zeal immediately cooled, when I understood from a
+fellow-prisoner, who groaned on the other side of the partition, that
+in a short time there would be an auto da fe; in consequence of which
+I should, in all probability, be doomed to the flames, if I would not
+renounce my heretical errors, and submit to such penance as the church
+should think fit to prescribe. This miserable wretch was convicted of
+Judaism, which he had privately practised by connivance for many years,
+until he had amassed a fortune sufficient to attract the regard of the
+church. To this he fell a sacrifice, and accordingly prepared himself
+for the stake; while I, not at all ambitious of the crown of martyrdom,
+resolved to temporize; so that, when I was brought to the question the
+second time, I made a solemn recantation. As I had no worldly fortune to
+obstruct my salvation, I was received into the bosom of the church, and,
+by way of penance, enjoined to walk barefoot to Rome in the habit of a
+pilgrim.
+
+"During my peregrination through Spain, I was detained as a spy, until
+I could procure credentials from the Inquisition at Lisbon; and behaved
+with such resolution and reserve, that, after being released, I
+was deemed a proper person to be employed in quality of a secret
+intelligencer at a certain court. This office I undertook without
+hesitation; and being furnished with money and bills of credit, crossed
+the Pyrenees, with intention to revenge myself upon the Spaniards for
+the severities I had undergone during my captivity.
+
+"Having therefore effectually disguised myself by a change of dress, and
+a large patch on one eye, I hired an equipage, and appeared at Bologna
+in quality of an itinerant physician; in which capacity I succeeded
+tolerably well, till my servants decamped in the night with my baggage,
+and left me in the condition of Adam. In short, I have travelled over
+the greatest part of Europe, as a beggar, pilgrim, priest, soldier,
+gamester, and quack; and felt the extremes of indigence and opulence,
+with the inclemency of weather in all its vicissitudes. I have learned
+that the characters of mankind are everywhere the same; that common
+sense and honesty bear an infinitely small proportion to folly and vice;
+and that life is at best a paltry province.
+
+"After having suffered innumerable hardships, dangers, and disgraces, I
+returned to London, where I lived some years in a garret, and picked up
+a subsistence, such as it was, by vending purges in the streets, from
+the back of a pied horse, in which situation I used to harangue the mob
+in broken English, under pretence of being an High German doctor.
+
+"At last an uncle died, by whom I inherited an estate of three hundred
+pounds per annum, though, in his lifetime, he would not have parted with
+a sixpence to save my soul and body from perdition.
+
+"I now appear in the world, not as a member of any community, or what
+is called a social creature, but merely as a spectator, who entertains
+himself with the grimaces of a jack-pudding, and banquets his spleen in
+beholding his enemies at loggerheads. That I may enjoy this disposition,
+abstracted from all interruption, danger, and participation, I feign
+myself deaf; an expedient by which I not only avoid all disputes and
+their consequences, but also become master of a thousand little secrets,
+which are every day whispered in my presence, without any suspicion of
+their being overheard. You saw how I handled that shallow politician at
+my Lady Plausible's the other day. The same method I practise upon the
+crazed Tory, the bigot Whig, the sour, supercilious pedant, the petulant
+critic, the blustering coward, the fawning fool, the pert imp, sly
+sharper, and every other species of knaves and fools, with which this
+kingdom abounds.
+
+"In consequence of my rank and character, I obtain free admission to
+the ladies, among whom I have acquired the appellation of the Scandalous
+Chronicle. As I am considered, while silent, in no other light than that
+of a footstool or elbow-chair, they divest their conversation of all
+restraint before me, and gratify my sense of hearing with strange
+things, which, if I could prevail upon myself to give the world that
+satisfaction, would compose a curious piece of secret history, and
+exhibit a quite different idea of characters from what is commonly
+entertained.
+
+"By this time, young gentleman, you may perceive that I have it in
+my power to be a valuable correspondent, and that it will be to your
+interest to deserve my confidence."
+
+Here the misanthrope left off speaking, desirous to know the sentiments
+of our hero, who embraced the proffered alliance in a transport of joy
+and surprise; and the treaty was no sooner concluded, than Mr. Crabtree
+began to perform articles, by imparting to him a thousand delicious
+secrets, from the possession of which he promised himself innumerable
+scenes of mirth and enjoyment. By means of this associate, whom he
+considered as the ring of Gyges, he foresaw, that he should be enabled
+to penetrate, not only into the chambers, but even to the inmost
+thoughts of the female sex. In order to ward off suspicion, they
+agreed to revile each other in public, and meet at a certain private
+rendezvous, to communicate their mutual discoveries, and concert their
+future operations.
+
+But, soon after this agreement, our adventurer was summoned to the
+garrison by an express from his friend Hatchway, representing that the
+commodore lay at the point of death; and, in less than an hour after
+the receipt of this melancholy piece of news, he set out post for his
+uncle's habitation, having previously taken leave of Crabtree,
+who promised to meet him in two months in London; and settled a
+correspondence with Gauntlet, who proposed to remain at Bath during the
+rest of the season.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine arrives at the Garrison, where he receives the last
+Admonitions of Commodore Trunnion, who next Day resigns his Breath, and
+is buried according to his own Directions--Some Gentlemen in the Country
+make a fruitless Attempt to accommodate Matters betwixt Mr. Gamaliel
+Pickle and his eldest Son.
+
+
+About four o'clock in the morning our hero arrived at the garrison,
+where he found his generous uncle in extremity, supported in bed by
+Julia on one side, and Lieutenant Hatchway on the other, while Mr.
+Jolter administered spiritual consolation to his soul; and between
+whiles comforted Mrs. Trunnion, who, with her maid, sat by the fire,
+weeping with great decorum; the physician having just taken his last
+fee, and retired, after pronouncing the fatal prognostic, in which he
+anxiously wished he might be mistaken.
+
+Though the commodore's speech was interrupted by a violent hiccup, he
+still retained the use of his senses; and, when Peregrine approached,
+stretched out his hand with manifest signs of satisfaction. The young
+gentleman, whose heart overflowed with gratitude and affection, could
+not behold such a spectacle unmoved. He endeavoured to conceal his
+tenderness, which, in the wildness of his youth, and the pride of his
+disposition, he considered as a derogation from his manhood; but, in
+spite of all his endeavours, the tears gushed from his eyes, while he
+kissed the old man's hand; and he was so utterly disconcerted by his
+grief, that, when he attempted to speak, his tongue denied its office;
+so that the commodore, perceiving his disorder, made a last effort of
+strength, and consoled him in these words:--"Swab the spray from your
+bowsprit, my good lad, and coil up your spirits. You must not let the
+toplifts of your heart give way, because you see me ready to go down at
+these years. Many a better man has foundered before he has made half
+my way; thof I trust, by the mercy of God, I shall be sure in port in a
+very few glasses, and fast moored in a most blessed riding; for my
+good friend Jolter hath overhauled the journal of my sins, and, by
+the observation he hath taken of the state of my soul, I hope I shall
+happily conclude my voyage, and be brought up in the latitude of heaven.
+Here has been a doctor that wanted to stow me chock full of physic; but,
+when a man's hour is come, what signifies his taking his departure with
+a 'pothecary's shop in his hold? Those fellows come alongside of dying
+men, like the messengers of the Admiralty with sailing orders; but
+I told him as how I could slip my cable without his direction or
+assistance, and so he hauled off in dudgeon. This cursed hiccup makes
+such a rippling in the current of my speech, that mayhap you don't
+understand what I say. Now, while the sucker of my wind-pump will go, I
+would willingly mention a few things, which I hope you will set down
+in the log-book of your remembrance, when I am stiff, d'ye see. There's
+your aunt sitting whimpering by the fire; I desire you will keep her
+tight, warm, and easy in her old age, she's an honest heart in her own
+way, and, thof she goes a little crank and humoursome, by being often
+overstowed with Nantz and religion, she has been a faithful shipmate to
+me, and I daresay she never turned in with another man since we first
+embarked in the same bottom. Jack Hatchway, you know the trim of her as
+well as e'er a man in England, and I believe she has a kindness for
+you; whereby, if you two will grapple in the way of matrimony, when I
+am gone, I do suppose that my godson, for love of me, will allow you to
+live in the garrison all the days of your life."
+
+Peregrine assured him, he would with pleasure comply with any request
+he should make in behalf of two persons whom he esteemed so much.
+The lieutenant, with a waggish sneer, which even the gravity of the
+situation could not prevent, thanked them both for their good-will,
+telling the commodore, he was obliged to him for his friendship, in
+seeking to promote him to the command of a vessel which he himself had
+worn out in the service; but that, notwithstanding, he should be content
+to take charge of her, though he could not help being shy of coming
+after such an able navigator.
+
+Trunnion, exhausted as he was, smiled at this sally, and, after some
+pause, resumed his admonitions in this manner:--"I need not talk of
+Pipes, because I know you'll do for him without any recommendation; the
+fellow has sailed with me in many a hard gale, and I'll warrant him as
+stout a seaman as ever set face to the weather. But I hope you'll take
+care of the rest of my crew, and not disrate them after I am dead,
+in favour of new followers. As for that young woman, Ned Gauntlet's
+daughter, I'm informed as how she's an excellent wench, and has a
+respect for you; whereby, if you run her on board in an unlawful way, I
+leave my curse upon you, and trust you will never prosper in the voyage
+of life. But I believe you are more of an honest man, than to behave
+so much like a pirate. I beg, of all love, you wool take care of your
+constitution, and beware of running foul of harlots, who are no better
+than so many mermaids, that sit upon rocks in the sea, and hang out a
+fair face for the destruction of passengers; thof I must say, for my own
+part, I never met with any of those sweet singers, and yet I have gone
+to sea for the space of thirty years. But howsomever, steer your course
+clear of all such brimstone b--s. Shun going to law, as you would shun
+the devil; and look upon all attorneys as devouring sharks, or ravenous
+fish of prey. As soon as the breath is out of my body, let minute guns
+be fired, till I am safe under ground. I would also be buried in the
+red jacket I had on when I boarded and took the Renummy. Let my pistols,
+cutlass, and pocket-compass be laid in the coffin along with me. Let
+me be carried to the grave by my own men, rigged in the black caps and
+white shirts which my barge's crew were wont to wear; and they must keep
+a good look out, that none of your pilfering rascallions may come and
+heave me up again, for the lucre of what they can get, until the carcase
+is belayed by a tombstone. As for the motto, or what you call it, I
+leave that to you and Mr. Jolter, who are scholars; but I do desire,
+that it may not be engraved in the Greek or Latin lingos, and much less
+in the French, which I abominate, but in plain English, that, when the
+angel comes to pipe all hands, at the great day, he may know that I am a
+British man, and speak to me in my mother tongue. And now I have no more
+to say, but God in heaven have mercy upon my soul, and send you all fair
+weather, wheresoever you are bound."
+
+So saying, he regarded every individual around him with a look of
+complacency, and closing his eye, composed himself to rest, while the
+whole audience, Pipes himself not excepted, were melted with sorrow; and
+Mrs. Trunnion consented to quit the room, that she might not be exposed
+to the unspeakable anguish of seeing him expire.
+
+His last moments, however, were not so near as they imagined. He began
+to doze, and enjoyed small intervals of ease, till next day in the
+afternoon; during which remissions, he was heard to pour forth many
+pious ejaculations, expressing his hope, that, for all the heavy cargo
+of his sins, he should be able to surmount the puttock-shrouds of
+despair, and get aloft to the cross-trees of God's good favour. At last
+his voice sunk so low as not to be distinguished; and, having lain about
+an hour, almost without any perceptible signs of life, he gave up the
+ghost with a groan which announced his decease.
+
+Julia was no sooner certified of this melancholy event, than she ran to
+her aunt's chamber, weeping aloud; and immediately a very decent concert
+was performed by the good widow and her attendants. Peregrine and
+Hatchway retired till the corpse should be laid out; and Pipes having
+surveyed the body, with a face of rueful attention,--"Well fare thy
+soul! old Hawser Trunnion," said he: "man and boy I have known thee
+these five-and-thirty years, and sure a truer heart never broke biscuit.
+Many a hard gale hast thou weathered; but now thy spells are all over,
+and thy hull fairly laid up. A better commander I'd never desire to
+serve; and who knows but I may help to set up thy standing rigging in
+another world?"
+
+All the servants of the house were affected with the loss of their old
+master; and the poor people in the neighbourhood assembled at the gate,
+and, by repeated howlings, expressed their sorrow for the death of their
+charitable benefactor. Peregrine, though he felt everything which
+love and gratitude could inspire on this occasion, was not so much
+overwhelmed with affliction as to be incapable of taking the management
+of the family into his own hands. He gave directions about the funeral
+with great discretion, after having paid the compliments of condolence
+to his aunt, whom he consoled with the assurance of his inviolable
+esteem and affection. He ordered a suit of mourning to be made for every
+person in the garrison, and invited all the neighbouring gentlemen to
+the burial, not even excepting his father and brother Gam, who did not,
+however, honour the ceremony with their presence; nor was his mother
+humane enough to visit her sister-in-law in her distress.
+
+In the method of interment, the commodore's injunctions were obeyed to a
+title; and at the same time our hero made a donation of fifty pounds to
+the poor of the parish, as a benefaction which his uncle had forgot
+to bequeath. Having performed these obsequies with the most pious
+punctuality, he examined the will, to which there was no addition since
+it had first been executed, adjusted the payment of all the legacies,
+and, being sole executor, took an account of the estate to which he
+had succeeded, which, after all deductions, amounted to thirty thousand
+pounds. The possession of such a fortune, of which he was absolute
+master, did not at all contribute to the humiliation of his spirit, but
+inspired him with new ideas of grandeur and magnificence, and elevated
+his hope to the highest pinnacle of expectation.
+
+His domestic affairs being settled, he was visited by almost all
+the gentlemen of the county, who came to pay their compliments of
+congratulation on his accession to the estate; and some of them offered
+their good offices towards a reconciliation betwixt his father and him,
+induced by the general detestation which was entertained for his brother
+Gam, who was by this time looked upon by his neighbours as a prodigy
+of insolence and malice. Our young squire thanked them for their kind
+proposal, which he accepted; and old Gamaliel, at their entreaties,
+seemed very well disposed to any accommodation: but as he would not
+venture to declare himself before he had consulted his wife, his
+favourable disposition was rendered altogether ineffectual, by the
+instigations of that implacable woman; and our hero resigned all
+expectation of being reunited to his father's house. His brother,
+as usual, took all opportunities of injuring his character, by false
+aspersions, and stories misrepresented, in order to prejudice his
+reputation; nor was his sister Julia suffered to enjoy her good fortune
+in peace. Had he undergone such persecution from an alien to his blood,
+the world would have heard of his revenge; but, notwithstanding
+his indignation, he was too much tinctured by the prejudices of
+consanguinity, to lift his arm in judgment against the son of his own
+parents; and this consideration abridged the term of his residence at
+the garrison, where he had proposed to stay for some months.
+
+
+
+VOLUME II.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXIV.
+
+
+
+The young Gentleman, having settled his domestic Affairs, arrives
+in London, and sets up a gay Equipage--He meets with Emilia, and is
+introduced to her Uncle.
+
+
+His aunt, at the earnest solicitations of Julia and her husband, took
+up her quarters at the house of that affectionate kinswoman, who made
+it her chief study to comfort and cherish the disconsolate widow; and
+Jolter, in expectation of the living, which was not yet vacant, remained
+in garrison, in quality of land-steward upon our hero's country estate.
+As for the lieutenant, our young gentleman communed with him in a
+serious manner, about the commodore's proposal of taking Mrs. Trunnion
+to wife; and Jack, being quite tired of the solitary situation of a
+bachelor, which nothing but the company of his old commander could have
+enabled him to support so long, far from discovering aversion from the
+match, observed with an arch smile, that it was not the first time
+he had commanded a vessel in the absence of Captain Trunnion; and
+therefore, if the widow was willing, he would cheerfully stand by her
+helm, and, as he hoped the duty would not be of long continuance, do his
+endeavour to steer her safe into port, where the commodore might come on
+board, and take charge of her again.
+
+In consequence of this declaration, it was determined that Mr. Hatchway
+should make his addresses to Mrs. Trunnion as soon as decency would
+permit her to receive them; and Mr. Clover and his wife promised to
+exert their influence on his behalf. Meanwhile, Jack was desired to live
+at the castle as usual, and assured, that it should be put wholly in his
+possession, as soon as he should be able to accomplish this matrimonial
+scheme.
+
+When Peregrine had settled all these points to his own satisfaction,
+he took leave of all his friends, and, repairing to the great city,
+purchased a new chariot and horses, put Pipes and another lacquey into
+rich liveries, took elegant lodgings in Pall Mall, and made a most
+remarkable appearance among the people of fashion.
+
+It was owing to this equipage, and the gaiety of his personal
+deportment, that common fame, which is always a common liar, represented
+him as a young gentleman who had just succeeded to an estate of five
+thousand pounds per annum, by the death of an uncle; that he was
+entitled to an equal fortune at the decease of his own father, exclusive
+of two considerable jointures, which would devolve upon him at the
+demise of his mother and aunt. This report, false and ridiculous as it
+was, he could not find in his heart to contradict. Not but that he was
+sorry to find himself so misrepresented; but his vanity would not allow
+him to take any step that might diminish his importance in the opinion
+of those who courted his acquaintance, on the supposition that his
+circumstances were actually as affluent as they were said to be. Nay, so
+much was he infatuated by this weakness, that he resolved to encourage
+the deception, by living up to the report; and accordingly engaged
+in the most expensive parties of pleasure, believing that, before his
+present finances should be exhausted, his fortune would be effectually
+made, by the personal accomplishments he should have occasion to display
+to the beau monde in the course of his extravagance. In a word, vanity
+and pride were the ruling foibles of our adventurer, who imagined
+himself sufficiently qualified to retrieve his fortune in various
+shapes, long before he could have any idea of want or difficulty. He
+thought he should have it in his power, at any time, to make a prize of
+a rich heiress, or opulent widow; his ambition had already aspired to
+the heart of a young handsome duchess dowager, to whose acquaintance
+he had found means to be introduced; or, should matrimony chance to be
+unsuitable to his inclinations, he never doubted, that, by the interest
+he might acquire among the nobility, he should be favoured with some
+lucrative post, that would amply recompense him for the liberality
+of his disposition. There are many young men who entertain the same
+expectations, with half the reason he had to be so presumptuous.
+
+In the midst of these chimerical calculations, his passion for Emilia
+did not subside; but, on the contrary, began to rage with such an
+inflammation of desire, that her idea interfered with every other
+reflection, and absolutely disabled him from prosecuting the other lofty
+schemes which his imagination had projected. He therefore laid down the
+honest resolution of visiting her in all the splendour of his situation,
+in order to practise upon her virtue with all his art and address, to
+the utmost extent of his affluence and fortune. Nay, so effectually
+had his guilty passion absorbed his principles of honour, conscience,
+humanity, and regard for the commodore's last words, that he was base
+enough to rejoice at the absence of his friend Godfrey, who, being then
+with his regiment in Ireland, could not dive into his purpose, or take
+measures for frustrating his vicious design.
+
+Fraught with these heroic sentiments, he determined to set out for
+Sussex in his chariot and six, attended by his valet-de-chambre and
+two footmen; and as he was now sensible that in his last essay he had
+mistaken his cue, he determined to change his battery, and sap the
+fortress, by the most submissive, soft, and insinuating behaviour.
+
+On the evening that preceded this proposed expedition, he went into one
+of the boxes at the playhouse, as usual, to show himself to the ladies;
+and reconnoitring the company through a glass (for no other reason but
+because it was fashionable to be purblind), perceived his mistress very
+plainly dressed, in one of the seats above the stage, talking to another
+young woman of a very homely appearance. Though his heart beat the
+alarm with the utmost impatience at sight of his Emilia, he was for some
+minutes deterred from obeying the impulse of his love, by the presence
+of some ladies of fashion, who, he feared, would think the worse of him,
+should they see him make his compliment in public to a person of her
+figure. Nor would the violence of his inclination have so far prevailed
+over his pride, as to lead him thither, had he not recollected, that his
+quality friends would look upon her as some handsome Abigail, with whom
+he had an affair of gallantry, and of consequence give him credit for
+the intrigue.
+
+Encouraged by this suggestion, he complied with the dictates of love,
+and flew to the place where his charmer sat. His air and dress were so
+remarkable, that it was almost impossible he should have escaped the
+eyes of a curious observer, especially as he had chosen a time for
+coming in, when his entrance could not fail to attract the notice of the
+spectators; I mean, when the whole house was hushed in attention to the
+performance on the stage. Emilia, therefore, perceived him at his first
+approach; she found herself discovered by the direction of his glass,
+and, guessing his intention by his abrupt retreat from the box, summoned
+all her fortitude to her aid, and prepared for his reception. He
+advanced to her with an air of eagerness and joy, tempered with modesty
+and respect, and expressed his satisfaction at seeing her, with a
+seeming reverence of regard. Though she was extremely well pleased at
+this unexpected behaviour, she suppressed the emotions of her heart, and
+answered his compliments with affected ease and unconcern, such as
+might denote the good humour of a person who meets by accident with an
+indifferent acquaintance. After having certified himself of her own good
+health, he very kindly inquired about her mother and Miss Sophy, gave
+her to understand that he had lately been favoured with a letter from
+Godfrey; that he had actually intended to set out next morning on a
+visit to Mrs. Gauntlet, which, now that he was so happy as to meet with
+her, he would postpone, until he should have the pleasure of attending
+her to the country. After having thanked him for his polite intention,
+she told him, that her mother was expected in town in a few days, and
+that she herself had come to London some weeks ago, to give attendance
+upon her aunt, who had been dangerously ill, but was now pretty well
+recovered.
+
+Although the conversation of course turned upon general topics, during
+the entertainment he took all opportunities of being particular with his
+eyes, through which he conveyed a thousand tender protestations. She
+saw and inwardly rejoiced at the humility of his looks; but, far from
+rewarding it with one approving glance, she industriously avoided this
+ocular intercourse, and rather coquetted with a young gentleman that
+ogled her from the opposite box. Peregrine's penetration easily detected
+her sentiments, and he was nettled at her dissimulation, which served to
+confirm him in his unwarrantable designs upon her person. He persisted
+in his assiduities with indefatigable perseverance; when the play was
+concluded, handed her and her companion into a hackney-coach, and with
+difficulty was permitted to escort them to the house of Emilia's uncle,
+to whom our hero was introduced by the young lady, as an intimate friend
+of her brother Godfrey.
+
+The old gentleman, who was no stranger to the nature of Peregrine's
+connection with his sister's family, prevailed upon him to stay
+supper, and seemed particularly well pleased with his conversation and
+deportment, which, by the help of his natural sagacity, he wonderfully
+adapted to the humour of his entertainer. After supper, when the ladies
+were withdrawn, and the citizen called for his pipe, our sly adventurer
+followed his example. Though he abhorred the plant, he smoked with
+an air of infinite satisfaction, and expatiated upon the virtues of
+tobacco, as if he had been deeply concerned in the Virginia trade. In
+the progress of the discourse, he consulted the merchant's disposition;
+and the national debt coming upon the carpet, held forth upon the
+funds like a professed broker. When the alderman complained of the
+restrictions and discouragements of trade, his guest inveighed against
+exorbitant duties, with the nature of which he seemed as well acquainted
+as any commissioner of the customs; so that the uncle was astonished at
+the extent of his knowledge, and expressed his surprise that a gay young
+gentleman like him should have found either leisure or inclination to
+consider subjects so foreign to the fashionable amusements of youth.
+
+Pickle laid hold on this opportunity to tell him, that he was descended
+from a race of merchants; and that, early in life, he had made it his
+business to instruct himself in the different branches of trade, which
+he not only studied as his family profession, but also as the source
+of all our national riches and power. He then launched out in praise of
+commerce, and the promoters thereof; and, by way of contrast, employed
+all his ridicule in drawing such ludicrous pictures of the manners and
+education of what is called high life, that the trader's sides were
+shaken by laughter, even to the danger of his life; and he looked upon
+our adventurer as a miracle of sobriety and good sense. Having thus
+ingratiated himself with the uncle, Peregrine took his leave, and next
+day, in the forenoon, visited the niece in his chariot, after she
+had been admonished by her kinsman to behave with circumspection, and
+cautioned against neglecting or discouraging the addresses of such a
+valuable admirer.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXV.
+
+
+
+He prosecutes his Design upon Emilia with great Art and Perseverance.
+
+
+Our adventurer, having by his hypocrisy obtained free access to his
+mistress, began the siege by professing the most sincere contrition
+for his former levity, and imploring her forgiveness with such earnest
+supplication, that, guarded as she was against his flattering arts, she
+began to believe his protestations, which were even accompanied with
+tears, and abated a good deal of that severity and distance she had
+proposed to maintain during this interview. She would not, however,
+favour him with the least acknowledgment of a mutual passion, because,
+in the midst of his vows of eternal constancy and truth, he did not
+mention one syllable of wedlock, though he was now entirely master of
+his own conduct, and this consideration created a doubt, which fortified
+her against all his attacks. Yet, what her discretion would have
+concealed, was discovered by her eyes, which, in spite of all her
+endeavours, breathed forth complacency and love; for her inclination
+was flattered by her own self-sufficiency, which imputed her admirer's
+silence in that particular to the hurry and perturbation of his spirits,
+and persuaded her that he could not possibly regard her with any other
+than honourable intentions.
+
+The insidious lover exulted in the tenderness of her looks, from which
+he presaged a complete victory; but, that he might not overshoot
+himself by his own precipitation, he would not run the risk of declaring
+himself, until her heart should be so far entangled within his snares,
+as that neither the suggestions of honour, prudence, nor pride, should
+be able to disengage it. Armed with this resolution, he restrained
+the impatience of his temper within the limits of the most delicate
+deportment. After having solicited and obtained permission to attend
+her to the next opera, he took her by the hand, and, pressing it to his
+lips, in the most respectful manner, went away, leaving her in a most
+whimsical state of suspense, chequered with an interesting vicissitude
+of hope and fear. On the appointed day, he appeared again about five
+o'clock in the afternoon, and found her native charms so much improved
+by the advantages of dress, that he was transported with admiration
+and delight; and, while he conducted her to the Haymarket, could scarce
+bridle the impetuosity of his passion, so as to observe the forbearing
+maxims he had adopted. When she entered the pit, he had abundance of
+food for the gratification of his vanity; for, in a moment, she eclipsed
+all the female part of the audience; each individual allowing in her own
+heart that the stranger was by far the handsomest woman there present,
+except herself.
+
+Here it was that our hero enjoyed a double triumph; he was vain of this
+opportunity to enhance his reputation for gallantry among the ladies of
+fashion who knew him, and proud of an occasion to display his quality
+acquaintance to Emilia, that she might entertain the greater idea of the
+conquest she had made, and pay the more deference to his importance in
+the sequel of his addresses. That he might profit as much as possible
+by this situation, he went up and accosted every person in the pit,
+with whom he ever had least communication, whispered and laughed with an
+affected air of familiarity, and even bowed at a distance to some of the
+nobility, on the slender foundation of having stood near them at court,
+or presented them with a pinch of rappee at White's chocolate-house.
+
+This ridiculous ostentation, though now practised with a view of
+promoting his design, was a weakness that, in some degree, infected
+the whole of his behaviour; for nothing gave him so much joy in
+conversation, as an opportunity of giving the company to understand how
+well he was with persons of distinguished rank and character. He would
+often, for example, observe, as it were occasionally, that the Duke of
+G-- was one of the best-natured men in the world, and illustrate this
+assertion by some instance of his affability, in which he himself was
+concerned. Then, by an abrupt transition, he would repeat some repartee
+of Lady T--, and mention a certain bon mot of the Earl of C--, which was
+uttered in his hearing.
+
+Abundance of young men in this manner make free with the names, though
+they have never had access to the persons of the nobility; but this was
+not the case with Peregrine, who, in consideration of his appearance and
+supposed fortune, together with the advantage of his introduction, was,
+by this time, freely admitted to the tables of the great.
+
+In his return with Emilia from the opera, though he still maintained
+the most scrupulous decorum in his behaviour, he plied her with the most
+passionate expressions of love, squeezed her hand with great fervency,
+protested that his whole soul was engrossed by her idea, and that he
+could not exist independent of her favour. Pleased as she was with his
+warm and pathetic addresses, together with the respectful manner of his
+making love, she yet had prudence and resolution sufficient to contain
+her tenderness, which was ready to run over; being fortified against
+his arts, by reflecting, that, if his aim was honourable, it was now his
+business to declare it. On this consideration, she refused to make any
+serious reply to his earnest expostulations, but affected to receive
+them as the undetermined effusions of gallantry and good breeding.
+
+This fictitious gaiety and good-humour, though it baffled his hope
+of extorting from her an acknowledgment of which he might have taken
+immediate advantage, nevertheless encouraged him to observe, as the
+chariot passed along the Strand, that the night was far advanced; that
+supper would certainly be over before they could reach her uncle's
+house; and to propose that he should wait upon her to some place, where
+they might be accommodated with a slight refreshment. She was offended
+at the freedom of this proposal, which, however, she treated as a joke,
+thanking him for his courteous offer, and assuring him, that when she
+should be disposed for a tavern treat, he alone would have the honour of
+bestowing it.
+
+Her kinsman being engaged with company abroad, and her aunt retired to
+rest, he had the good fortune to enjoy a tete-a-tete with her during
+a whole hour, which he employed with such consummate skill, that her
+caution was almost overcome. He not only assailed her with the artillery
+of sighs, vows, prayers, and tears, but even pawned his honour in behalf
+of his love. He swore, with many imprecations, that although her heart
+was surrendered to him at discretion, there was a principle within him,
+which would never allow him to injure such innocence and beauty; and the
+transports of his passion had, upon this occasion so far overshot his
+purpose, that if she had demanded an explanation while he was thus
+agitated, he would have engaged himself to her wish by such ties as
+he could not break with any regard to his reputation. But from such
+expostulation she was deterred, partly by pride, and partly by the
+dread of finding herself mistaken in such an interesting conjecture.
+She therefore enjoyed the present flattering appearance of her fate, was
+prevailed upon to accept the jewels which he purchased with part of his
+winning at Bath, and, with the most enchanting condescension, submitted
+to a warm embrace when he took his leave, after having obtained
+permission to visit her as often as his inclination and convenience
+would permit.
+
+In his return to his own lodgings, he was buoyed up with his success to
+an extravagance of hope, already congratulated himself upon his triumph
+over Emilia's virtue, and began to project future conquests among the
+most dignified characters of the female sex. But his attention was not
+at all dissipated by these vain reflections; he resolved to concentrate
+the whole exertion of his soul upon the execution of his present plan,
+desisted, in the meantime, from all other schemes of pleasure, interest,
+and ambition, and took lodgings in the city, for the more commodious
+accomplishment of his purpose. While our lover's imagination was thus
+agreeably regaled, his mistress did not enjoy her expectations without
+the intervention of doubts and anxiety. His silence, touching the
+final aim of his addresses, was a mystery on which she was afraid of
+exercising her sagacity; and her uncle tormented her with inquiries into
+the circumstances of Peregrine's professions and deportment. Rather than
+give this relation the least cause for suspicion, which must have cut
+off all intercourse betwixt her and her admirer, she said everything
+which she thought would satisfy his care and concern for her welfare;
+and, in consequence of such representation, she enjoyed, without
+reserve, the company of our adventurer, who prosecuted his plan with
+surprising eagerness and perseverance.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXVI.
+
+
+
+He prevails upon Emilia to accompany him to a Masquerade, makes a
+treacherous Attempt upon her Affection, and meets with a deserved
+Repulse.
+
+
+Scarce a night elapsed in which he did not conduct her to some public
+entertainment. When, by the dint of his insidious carriage, he thought
+himself in full possession of her confidence and affection, he lay in
+wait for an opportunity; and, hearing her observe in conversation, that
+she had never been at a masquerade, begged leave to attend her to the
+next ball; at the same time extending his invitation to the young lady
+in whose company he had found her at the play, she being present when
+this subject of discourse was introduced. He had flattered himself,
+that this gentlewoman would decline the proposal, as she was a person
+seemingly of a demure disposition, who had been born and bred in the
+city, where such diversions are looked upon as scenes of lewdness and
+debauchery. For once, however, he reckoned without his host; curiosity
+is as prevalent in the city as at the court end of the town. Emilia no
+sooner signified her assent to his proposal, than her friend, with an
+air of satisfaction, agreed to make one of the party; and he was obliged
+to thank her for that complaisance, which laid him under infinite
+mortification. He set his genius at work to invent some scheme for
+preventing her unseasonable intrusion. Had an opportunity offered, he
+would have acted as her physician, and administered a medicine that
+would have laid her under the necessity of staying at home. But his
+acquaintance with her being too slight to furnish him with the means of
+executing this expedient, he devised another, which was practised with
+all imaginable success. Understanding that her grandmother had left her
+a sum of money independent of her parents, he conveyed a letter to
+her mother, intimating, that her daughter, on pretence of going to the
+masquerade, intended to bestow herself in marriage to a certain person,
+and that in a few days she would be informed of the circumstances of
+the whole intrigue, provided she would keep this information secret,
+and contrive some excuse for detaining the young lady at home, without
+giving her cause to believe she was apprised of her intention. This
+billet, subscribed "Your well-wisher, and unknown humble servant,"
+had the desired effect upon the careful matron, who, on the ball day,
+feigned herself so extremely ill, that Miss could not with any decency
+quit her mamma's apartment; and therefore sent her apology to Emilia in
+the afternoon, immediately after the arrival of Peregrine, who pretended
+to be very much afflicted with the disappointment, while his heart
+throbbed with a transport of joy.
+
+About ten o'clock the lovers set out for the Haymarket, he being dressed
+in the habit of Pantaloon, and she in that of Columbine; and they had
+scarce entered the house when the music struck up, the curtain was
+withdrawn, and the whole scene displayed at once, to the admiration of
+Emilia, whose expectation was infinitely surpassed by this exhibition.
+Our gallant having conducted her through all the different apartments,
+and described the economy of the place, led her into the circle, and, in
+their turn, they danced several minuets; then going to the sideboard,
+he prevailed upon her to eat some sweetmeats and drink a glass of
+champagne. After a second review of the company, they engaged in country
+dances, at which exercise they continued until our adventurer concluded
+that his partner's blood was sufficiently warm for the prosecution of
+his design. On this supposition, which was built upon her declaring
+that she was thirsty and fatigued, he persuaded her to take a little
+refreshment and repose; and, for that purpose, handed her downstairs
+into the eating-room, where, having seated her on the floor, he
+presented her with a glass of wine and water; and, as she complained of
+being faint, enriched the draught with some drops of a certain elixir,
+which he recommended as a most excellent restorative, though it was no
+other than a stimulating tincture, which he had treacherously provided
+for the occasion. Having swallowed this potion, by which her spirits
+were manifestly exhilarated, she ate a slice of ham, with the wing of a
+cold pullet, and concluded the meal with a glass of burgundy, which
+she drank at the earnest entreaty of her admirer. These extraordinary
+cordials co-operating with the ferment of her blood, which was heated by
+violent motion, could not fail to affect the constitution of a delicate
+young creature, who was naturally sprightly and volatile. Her eyes began
+to sparkle with unusual fire and vivacity, a thousand brilliant sallies
+of wit escaped her, and every mask that accosted her underwent some
+smarting repartee.
+
+Peregrine, overjoyed at the success of his administration, proposed that
+they should resume their places at the country dances, with a view to
+promote and assist the efficacy of his elixir; and, when he thought her
+disposition was properly adapted for the theme, began to ply her with
+all the elocution of love. In order to elevate his own spirits to
+that pitch of resolution which his scheme required, he drank two whole
+bottles of burgundy, which inflamed his passion to such a degree, that
+he found himself capable of undertaking and perpetrating any scheme for
+the gratification of his desire.
+
+Emilia, warmed by so many concurring incentives, in favour of the man
+she loved, abated considerably of her wonted reserve, listened to his
+protestations with undissembled pleasure, and, in the confidence of her
+satisfaction, even owned him absolute master of her affections. Ravished
+with this confession, he now deemed himself on the brink of reaping the
+delicious fruits of his art and assiduity; and the morning being already
+pretty far advanced, assented with rapture to the first proposal she
+made of retiring to her lodgings. The blinds of the chariot being pulled
+up, he took advantage of the favourable situation of her thoughts;
+and, on pretence of being whimsical, in consequence of the wine he had
+swallowed, clasped her in his arms, and imprinted a thousand kisses
+on her pouting lips, a freedom which she pardoned as the privilege of
+intoxication. While he thus indulged himself with impunity, the carriage
+halted, and Pipes opening the door, his master handed her into the
+passage, before she perceived that it was not her uncle's house at which
+they had alighted.
+
+Alarmed at this discovery, she, with some confusion, desired to know his
+reason for conducting her to a strange place at these hours. But he made
+no reply, until he had led her into an apartment, when he gave her to
+understand, that, as her uncle's family must be disturbed by her going
+thither so late in the night, and the streets near Temple-bar were
+infested by a multitude of robbers and cut-throats, he had ordered his
+coachman to halt at this house, which was kept by a relation of his, a
+mighty good sort of a gentlewoman, who would be proud of an opportunity
+to accommodate a person for whom he was known to entertain such
+tenderness and esteem.
+
+Emilia had too much penetration to be imposed upon by this plausible
+pretext. In spite of her partiality for Peregrine, which had never been
+inflamed to such a pitch of complacency before, she comprehended his
+whole plan in a twinkling. Though her blood boiled with indignation, she
+thanked him with an affected air of serenity for his kind concern, and
+expressed her obligation to his cousin; but, at the same time, insisted
+upon going home, lest her absence should terrify her uncle and aunt,
+who, she knew, would not retire to rest till her return.
+
+He urged her, with a thousand remonstrances, to consult her own ease and
+safety, promising to send Pipes into the city, for the satisfaction of
+her relations. But, finding her obstinately deaf to his entreaties, he
+assured her, that he would, in a few minutes, comply with her request;
+and, in the meantime, begged she would fortify herself against the cold
+with a cordial, which he poured out in her presence, and which, now that
+her suspicion was aroused, she refused to taste, notwithstanding all
+his importunities. He then fell on his knees before her, and the tears
+gushing from his eyes, swore that his passion was wound up to such a
+pitch of impatience, that he could no longer live upon the unsubstantial
+food of expectation; and that, if she would not vouchsafe to crown his
+happiness, he would forthwith sacrifice himself to her disdain. Such an
+abrupt address, accompanied with all the symptoms of frantic agitation,
+could not fail to perplex and affright the gentle Emilia, who, after
+some recollection, replied with a resolute tone, that she could not
+see what reason he had to complain of her reserve, which she was not
+at liberty to lay entirely aside, until he should have avowed his
+intentions in form, and obtained the sanction of those whom it was
+her duty to obey. "Divine creature!" cried he, seizing her hand,
+and pressing it to his lips, "it is from you alone I hope for that
+condescension, which would overwhelm me with the transports of celestial
+bliss. The sentiments of parents are sordid, silly, and confined. I
+mean not then to subject my passion to such low restrictions as were
+calculated for the purposes of common life. My love is too delicate and
+refined to wear those vulgar fetters, which serve only to destroy the
+merit of voluntary affection, and to upbraid a man incessantly with the
+articles of compulsion, under which he lies. My dear angel! spare me the
+mortification of being compelled to love you, and reign sole empress
+of my heart and fortune. I will not affront you so much as to talk of
+settlements; my all is at your disposal. In this pocket-book are notes
+to the amount of two thousand pounds; do me the pleasure to accept of
+them; to-morrow I will lay ten thousand more in your lap. In a word, you
+shall be mistress of my whole estate, and I shall think myself happy in
+living dependent on your bounty!"
+
+Heavens! what were the emotions of the virtuous, the sensible, the
+delicate, the tender Emilia's heart, when she heard this insolent
+declaration from the mouth of a man whom she had honoured with her
+affection and esteem! It was not simply horror, grief, or indignation,
+that she felt, in consequence of this unworthy treatment, but the united
+pangs of all together, which produced a sort of hysteric laughter, while
+she told him that she could not help admiring his generosity.
+
+Deceived by this convulsion, and the ironical compliment that attended
+it, the lover thought he had already made great progress in his
+operations, and that it was now his business to storm the fort by a
+vigorous assault, that he might spare her the confusion of yielding
+without resistance. Possessed by this vain suggestion, he started up,
+and, folding her in his arms, began to obey the furious dictates of his
+unruly and ungenerous desire. With an air of cool determination, she
+demanded a parley; and when, upon her repeated request, he granted it,
+addressed herself to him in these words, while her eyes gleamed with all
+the dignity of the most awful resentment:--
+
+"Sir, I scorn to upbraid you with a repetition of your former vows
+and protestations, nor will I recapitulate the little arts you have
+practised to ensnare my heart; because, though by dint of the most
+perfidious dissimulation you have found means to deceive my opinion,
+your utmost efforts have never been able to lull the vigilance of my
+conduct, or to engage my affection beyond the power of discarding you
+without a tear, whenever my honour should demand such a sacrifice.
+Sir, you are unworthy of my concern or regret, and the sigh that now
+struggles from my breast is the result of sorrow, for my own want of
+discernment. As for your present attempt upon my chastity, I despise
+your power, as I detest your intention. Though, under the mask of the
+most delicate respect, you have decoyed me from the immediate protection
+of my friends, and contrived other impious stratagems to ruin my
+peace and reputation, I confide too much in my own innocence, and the
+authority of the law, to admit one thought of fear, much less to sink
+under the horror of this shocking situation, into which I have been
+seduced. Sir, your behaviour on this occasion is, in all respects, low
+and contemptible. For, ruffian as you are, you durst not harbour the
+thought of executing your execrable scheme, while you knew my brother
+was near enough to prevent or revenge the insult; so that you must not
+only be a treacherous villain, but also a most despicable coward."
+
+Having expressed herself in this manner, with a most majestic severity
+of aspect, she opened the door, and walking down-stairs with
+surprising resolution, committed herself to the care of a watchman, who
+accommodated her with a hackney-chair, in which she was safely conveyed
+to her uncle's house.
+
+Meanwhile, the lover was so confounded and overawed by these cutting
+reproaches, and her animated behaviour, that all his resolution forsook
+him, and he found himself not only incapable of obstructing her retreat,
+but even of uttering one syllable to deprecate her wrath, or extenuate
+the guilt of his own conduct. The nature of his disappointment, and the
+keen remorse that seized him, when he reflected upon the dishonourable
+footing on which his character stood with Emilia, raised such
+perturbation in his mind, that his silence was succeeded by a violent
+fit of distraction, during which he raved like a bedlamite, and acted
+a thousand extravagancies, which convinced the people of the house, a
+certain bagnio, that he had actually lost his wits. Pipes, with great
+concern, adopted the same opinion; and, being assisted by the waiters,
+hindered him, by main force, from running out and pursuing the fair
+fugitive, whom, in his delirium, he alternately cursed and commended
+with horrid imprecations and lavish applause. His faithful valet,
+having waited two whole hours, in hopes of seeing this gust of passion
+overblown, and perceiving that the paroxysm seemed rather to increase,
+very prudently sent for a physician of his master's acquaintance,
+who, having considered the circumstances and symptoms of the disorder,
+directed that he should be plentifully blooded, without loss of time,
+and prescribed a draught to compose the tumult of his spirits. These
+orders being punctually performed, he grew more calm and tractable,
+recovered his reflection so far as to be ashamed of the ecstasy he had
+undergone, and suffered himself quietly to be undressed and put to
+bed, where the fatigue occasioned by his exercise at the masquerade
+co-operated with the present dissipation of his spirits to lull him
+into a profound sleep, which greatly tended to the preservation of his
+intellects. Not that he found himself in a state of perfect tranquility
+when he waked about noon. The remembrance of what had passed overwhelmed
+him with mortification. Emilia's invectives still sounded in his ears.
+And, while he deeply resented her disdain, he could not help admiring
+her spirit, and his heart did homage to her charms.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXVII.
+
+
+
+He endeavours to Reconcile himself to his Mistress, and Expostulates
+with the Uncle, who forbids him the House.
+
+
+In this state of division, he went home to his own lodgings in a chair;
+and while he deliberated with himself whether he should relinquish
+the pursuit, and endeavour to banish her idea from his breast, or go
+immediately and humble himself before his exasperated mistress, and
+offer his hand as an atonement for his crime, his servant put in his
+hand a packet, which had been delivered by a ticket porter at the
+door. He no sooner perceived that the superscription was in Emilia's
+handwriting, than he guessed the nature of the contents; and, opening
+the seal with disordered eagerness, found the jewels he had given to her
+enclosed in a billet, couched in these words:--
+
+     "That I may have no cause to reproach myself with having
+     retained the least memorial of a wretch whom I equally
+     despise and abhor, I take this opportunity of restoring
+     these ineffectual instruments of his infamous design upon
+     the honour of
+
+     "Emilia."
+
+His chagrin was so much galled and inflamed at the bitterness of this
+contemptuous message, that he gnawed his fingers till the blood ran
+over his nails, and even wept with vexation. Sometimes he vowed revenge
+against her haughty virtue, and reviled himself for his precipitate
+declaration, before his scheme was brought to maturity; then he would
+consider her behaviour with reverence and regard, and bow before the
+irresistible power of her attractions. In short, his breast was torn by
+conflicting passions: love, shame, and remorse, contended with vanity,
+ambition, and revenge; and the superiority was still doubtful when
+headstrong desire interposed, and decided in favour of an attempt
+towards a reconciliation with the offended fair.
+
+Impelled by this motive, he set out in the afternoon for the house of
+her uncle, not without hopes of that tender enjoyment, which never fails
+to attend an accommodation betwixt two lovers of taste and sensibility.
+Though the consciousness of his trespass encumbered him with an air of
+awkward confusion, he was too confident of his own qualifications and
+address to despair of forgiveness; and, by that time he arrived at the
+citizen's gate, he had conned a very artful and pathetic harangue, which
+he proposed to utter in his own behalf, laying the blame of his conduct
+on the impetuosity of his passion, increased by the burgundy which he
+had too liberally drunk; but he did not meet with an opportunity to
+avail himself of this preparation. Emilia, suspecting that he would
+take some step of this kind to retrieve her favour, had gone abroad
+on pretence of visiting, after having signified to her kinsman her
+resolution to avoid the company of Peregrine, on account of some
+ambiguities which, she said, were last night remarkable in his demeanour
+at the masquerade. She chose to insinuate her suspicion in these hints,
+rather than give an explicit detail of the young man's dishonourable
+contrivance, which might have kindled the resentment of the family to
+some dangerous pitch of animosity and revenge.
+
+Our adventurer, finding himself baffled in his expectation of seeing
+her, inquired for the old gentleman, with whom he thought he had
+influence enough to make his apology good, in case he should find
+him prepossessed by the young lady's information. But here too he was
+disappointed, the uncle having gone to dine in the country, and his wife
+was indisposed; so that he had no pretext for staying in the house till
+the return of his charmer. Being, however, fruitful of expedients, he
+dismissed his chariot, and took possession of a room in a tavern, the
+windows of which fronted the merchant's gate; and there he proposed to
+watch until he should see her approach. This scheme he put in practice
+with indefatigable patience, though it was not attended with the
+expected success.
+
+Emilia, whose caution was equally vigilant and commendable, foreseeing
+that she might be exposed to the fertility of his invention, came home
+by a private passage, and entered by a postern, which was altogether
+unknown to her admirer; and her uncle did not arrive until it was so
+late that he could not, with any decency, demand a conference.
+
+Next morning, he did not fail to present himself at the door, and his
+mistress being denied by her own express direction, insisted upon
+seeing the master of the house, who received him with such coldness of
+civility, as plainly gave him to understand that he was acquainted with
+the displeasure of his niece. He, therefore, with an air of candour,
+told the citizen, he could easily perceive by his behaviour that he was
+the confidant of Miss Emily, of whom he was come to ask pardon for the
+offence he had given; and did not doubt, if he could be admitted to her
+presence, that he should be able to convince her that he had not erred
+intentionally, or at least propose such reparation as would effectually
+atone for his fault.
+
+To this remonstrance the merchant, without any ceremony or
+circumlocution, answered, that though he was ignorant of the nature of
+his offence, he was very certain, that it must have been something
+very flagrant that could irritate his niece to such a degree, against a
+person for whom she had formerly a most particular regard. He owned, she
+had declared her intention to renounce his acquaintance for ever, and,
+doubtless, she had good reason for so doing; neither would he undertake
+to promote an accommodation, unless he would give him full power to
+treat on the score of matrimony, which he supposed would be the only
+means of evincing his own sincerity, and obtaining Emilia's forgiveness.
+Peregrine's pride was kindled by this blunt declaration, which he could
+not help considering as the result of a scheme concerted betwixt the
+young lady and her uncle, in order to take advantage of his heat. He
+therefore replied, with manifest signs of disgust, that he did not
+apprehend there was any occasion for a mediator to reconcile the
+difference betwixt Emilia and him; and that all he desired was an
+opportunity of pleading in his own behalf. The citizen frankly told
+him, that, as his niece had expressed an earnest desire of avoiding his
+company, he would not put the least constraint upon her inclination;
+and, in the meantime, gave him to know, that he was particularly
+engaged. Our hero, glowing with indignation at this supercilious
+treatment, "I was in the wrong," said he, "to look for good manners so
+far on this side of Temple-bar; but you must give me leave to tell you,
+sir, that unless I am favoured with an interview with Miss Gauntlet,
+I shall conclude that you have actually laid a constraint upon her
+inclination, for some sinister purposes of your own."--"Sir," replied
+the old gentleman, "you are welcome to make what conclusions shall seem
+good unto your own imagination; but pray be so good as to allow me
+the privilege of being master in my own house." So saying, he very
+complaisantly showed him to the door; and our lover being diffident of
+his own temper, as well as afraid of being used with greater indignity,
+in a place where his personal prowess would only serve to heighten his
+disgrace, quitted the house in a transport of rage, which he could not
+wholly suppress, telling the landlord, that if his age did not protect
+him, he would have chastised him for his insolent behaviour.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXVIII.
+
+
+
+He projects a violent Scheme, in consequence of which he is involved in
+a most fatiguing Adventure, which greatly tends towards the Augmentation
+of his Chagrin.
+
+
+Thus debarred of personal communication with his mistress, he essayed
+to retrieve her good graces by the most submissive and pathetic letters,
+which he conveyed by divers artifices to her perusal; but, reaping no
+manner of benefit from these endeavours, his passion acquired a degree
+of impatience little inferior to downright frenzy; and he determined to
+run every risk of life, fortune, and reputation, rather than desist
+from his unjustifiable pursuit. Indeed, his resentment was now as deeply
+concerned as his love, and each of these passions equally turbulent and
+loud in demanding gratification. He kept sentinels continually in pay,
+to give him notice of her outgoings, in expectation of finding some
+opportunity to carry her off; but her circumspection entirely
+frustrated this design, for she suspected everything of that sort from a
+disposition like his, and regulated her motions accordingly.
+
+Baffled by her prudence and penetration, he altered his plan. On
+pretence of being called to his country house by some affair of
+importance, he departed from London, and, taking lodgings at a farmer's
+house that stood near the road through which she must have necessarily
+passed in her return to her mother, concealed himself from all
+intercourse, except with his valet-de-chambre and Pipes, who had orders
+to scour the country, and reconnoitre every horse, coach, or carriage,
+that should appear on that highway, with a view of intercepting his
+Emilia in her passage.
+
+He had waited in this ambuscade a whole week, when his valet gave him
+notice, that he and his fellow-scout had discovered a chaise-and-six,
+driving at full speed towards them; upon which they had flapped their
+hats over their eyes, so as they might not be known, in case they should
+be seen, and concealed themselves behind a hedge, from whence they could
+perceive in the carriage, as it passed, a young man plainly dressed,
+with a lady in a mask, of the exact size, shape, and air of Emilia;
+and that Pipes followed them at a distance, while he rode back to
+communicate this piece of intelligence.
+
+Peregrine would scarce allow him time to conclude his information. He
+ran down to the stable, where his horse was kept ready saddled for the
+purpose, and, never doubting that the lady in question was his mistress,
+attended by one of her uncle's clerks, mounted immediately, and rode
+full gallop after the chaise, which, when he had proceeded about two
+miles, he understood from Pipes, had put up at a neighbouring inn.
+Though his inclination prompted him to enter her apartment without
+further delay, he suffered himself to be dissuaded from taking such a
+precipitate step, by his privy counsellor, who observed, that it would
+be impracticable to execute his purpose of conveying her against her
+will from a public inn, that stood in the midst of a populous village,
+which would infallibly rise in her defence. He advised him therefore to
+be in wait for the chaise, in some remote and private part of the road,
+where they might accomplish their aim without difficulty or danger.
+In consequence of this admonition our adventurer ordered Pipes to
+reconnoitre the inn, that she might not escape another way, while he
+and the valet, in order to avoid being seen, took a circuit by an
+unfrequented path, and placed themselves in ambush, on a spot which they
+chose for the scene of their achievement. Here they tarried a full hour,
+without seeing the carriage, or hearing from their sentinel. So that
+the youth, unable to exert his patience one moment longer, left the
+foreigner in his station, and rode back to his faithful lacquey, who
+assured him, that the travellers had not yet hove up their anchor, or
+proceeded on their voyage.
+
+Notwithstanding this information, Pickle began to entertain such
+alarming suspicions, that he could not refrain from advancing to
+the gate, and inquire for the company which had lately arrived in a
+chaise-and-six. The innkeeper, who was not at all pleased with the
+behaviour of those passengers, did not think proper to observe the
+instructions he had received: on the contrary, he plainly told him, that
+the chaise did not halt, but only entered at one door, and went out at
+the other, with a view to deceive those who pursued it, as he guessed
+from the words of the gentleman, who had earnestly desired that his
+route might be concealed from any person who should inquire about their
+motions. "As for my own peart, measter," continued this charitable
+publican, "I believes as how they are no better than they should
+be, else they wouldn't be in such a deadly fear of being overtaken.
+Methinks, said I, when I saw them in such a woundy pother to be gone,
+oddsheartlikins! this must be some London 'prentice running away with
+his measter's daughter, as sure as I'm a living soul. But, be he who he
+will, sartain it is, a has nothing of the gentleman about en; for, thof
+a asked such a favour, a never once put hand in pocket, or said, 'Dog,
+will you drink?' Howsomever, that don't argufy in reverence of his being
+in a hurry; and a man may be sometimes a little too judgmatical in his
+conjectures." In all probability, this loquacious landlord would have
+served the travellers effectually, had Peregrine heard him to an end;
+but this impetuous youth, far from listening to the sequel of his
+observations, interrupted him in the beginning of his career, by asking
+eagerly which road they followed; and, having received the innkeeper's
+directions, clapped spurs to his horse, commanding Pipes to make the
+valet acquainted with the course, that they might attend him with all
+imaginable despatch.
+
+By the publican's account of their conduct, his former opinion was fully
+confirmed. He plied his steed to the height of his mettle; and so much
+was his imagination engrossed by the prospect of having Emilia in his
+power, that he did not perceive the road on which he travelled was quite
+different from that which led to the habitation of Mrs. Gauntlet. The
+valet-de-chambre was an utter stranger to that part of the country; and,
+as for Mr. Pipes, such considerations were altogether foreign to the
+economy of his reflection.
+
+Ten long miles had our hero rode, when his eyes were blessed with the
+sight of the chaise ascending an hill, at the distance of a good league;
+upon which he doubled his diligence in such a manner, that he gained
+upon the carriage every minute, and at length approached so near to
+it, that he could discern the lady and her conductor, with their heads
+thrust out at the windows, looking back, and speaking to the driver
+alternately, as if they earnestly besought him to augment the speed of
+his cattle.
+
+Being thus, as it were, in sight of port, while he crossed the road, his
+horse happened to plunge into a cart-rut with such violence, that he
+was thrown several yards over his head; and, the beast's shoulder being
+slipped by the fall, he found himself disabled from plucking the fruit,
+which was almost within his reach; for he had left his servants at a
+considerable distance behind him; and although they had been at his
+back, and supplied him with another horse, they were so indifferently
+mounted, that he could not reasonably expect to overtake the flyers, who
+profited so much by this disaster that the chaise vanished in a moment.
+
+It may be easily conceived how a young man of his disposition passed his
+time, in this tantalizing situation. He ejaculated with great fervency;
+but his prayers were not the effects of resignation. He ran back
+on foot, with incredible speed, in order to meet his valet, whom he
+unhorsed in a twinkling, and, taking his seat, began to exercise his
+whip and spurs, after having ordered the Swiss to follow him on the
+other gelding, and committed the lame hunter to the care of Pipes.
+
+Matters being adjusted in this manner, our adventurer prosecuted the
+race with all his might; and, having made some progress, was informed
+by a countryman, that the chaise had struck off into another road, and,
+according to his judgment, was by that time about three miles ahead;
+though, in all probability, the horses would not be able to hold out
+much longer, because they seemed to be quite spent when they passed
+his door. Encouraged by this intimation, Peregrine pushed on with great
+alacrity, though he could not regain sight of the desired object, till
+the clouds of night began to deepen, and even then he enjoyed nothing
+more than a transient glimpse; for the carriage was no sooner seen, than
+shrouded again from his view. These vexatious circumstances animated his
+endeavours, while they irritated his chagrin. In short, he continued his
+pursuit, till the night was far advanced, and himself so uncertain about
+the object of his care, that he entered a solitary inn, with a view of
+obtaining some intelligence, when, to his infinite joy, he perceived the
+chaise standing by itself, and the horses panting in the yard.
+
+In full confidence of his having arrived at last at the goal of all his
+wishes, he alighted instantaneously, and, running up to the coachman,
+with a pistol in his hand, commanded him, in an imperious tone, to
+conduct him to the lady's chamber, on pain of death. The driver,
+affrighted at this menacing address, protested, with great humility,
+that he did not know whither his fare had retired; for that he himself
+was paid and dismissed from the service, because he would not undertake
+to drive them all night across the country without stopping to refresh
+his horses. But he promised to go in quest of the waiter, who would
+show him to their apartment. He was accordingly detached on that errand,
+while our hero stood sentinel at the gate, till the arrival of his
+valet-de-chambre, who, joining him by accident, before the coachman
+returned, relieved him in his watch; and then the young gentleman,
+exasperated at his messenger's delay, rushed, with fury in his eyes,
+from room to room, denouncing vengeance upon the whole family; but he
+did not meet with one living soul, until he entered the garret, where he
+found the landlord and his wife in bed. This chicken-hearted couple, by
+the light of a rush candle that burned on the hearth, seeing a stranger
+burst into the chamber, in such a terrible attitude, were seized with
+consternation; and, exalting their voices, in a most lamentable strain,
+begged, for the passion of Christ, that he would spare their lives, and
+take all they had.
+
+Peregrine guessing, from this exclamation, and the circumstance of their
+being abed, that they mistook him for a robber, and were ignorant of
+that which he wanted to know, dispelled their terror, by making them
+acquainted with the cause of his visit, and desired the husband to get
+up with all possible despatch, in order to assist and attend him in his
+search.
+
+Thus reinforced, he rummaged every corner of the inn, and at last,
+finding the hostler in the stable, was by him informed, to his
+unspeakable mortification, that the gentleman and lady who arrived in
+the chaise, had immediately hired post-horses for a certain village
+at the distance of fifteen miles, and departed without halting for the
+least refreshment. Our adventurer, mad with his disappointment, mounted
+his horse in an instant, and, with his attendant, took the same road,
+with full determination to die, rather than desist from the prosecution
+of his design. He had, by this time, rode upwards of thirty miles, since
+three o'clock in the afternoon; so that the horses were almost quite
+jaded, and travelled this stage so slowly, that it was morning before
+they reached the place of their destination, where, far from finding the
+fugitives, he understood that no such persons as he described had passed
+that way, and that, in all likelihood, they had taken a quite contrary
+direction, while in order to mislead him in his pursuit, they had amused
+the hostler with a false route. This conjecture was strengthened by his
+perceiving, now for the first time, that he had deviated a considerable
+way from the road, through which they must have journeyed, in order to
+arrive at the place of her mother's residence; and these suggestions
+utterly deprived him of the small remains of recollection which he
+had hitherto retained. His eyes rolled about, witnessing rage and
+distraction; he foamed at the mouth, stamped upon the ground with
+great violence, uttered incoherent imprecations against himself and all
+mankind, and would have sallied forth again, he knew not whither, upon
+the same horse, which he had already almost killed with fatigue, had
+not his confidant found means to quiet the tumult of his thoughts,
+and recall his reflection, by representing the condition of the poor
+animals, and advising him to hire fresh horses, and ride post across
+the country, to the village in the neighbourhood of Mrs. Gauntlet's
+habitation, where they should infallibly intercept the daughter,
+provided they could get the start of her upon the road.
+
+Peregrine not only relished, but forthwith acted in conformity with
+this good counsel. His own horses were committed to the charge of the
+landlord, with directions for Pipes, in case he should come in quest of
+his master: and, a couple of stout geldings being prepared, he and
+his valet took the road again, steering their course according to the
+motions of the post-boy, who undertook to be their guide. They had
+almost finished the first stage, when they descried a post-chaise just
+halting at the inn where they proposed to change horses; upon which our
+adventurer, glowing with a most interesting presage, put his beast
+to the full speed, and approached near enough to distinguish, as the
+travellers quitted the carriage, that he had at last come up with the
+very individual persons whom he had pursued so long.
+
+Flushed with this discovery, he galloped into the yard so suddenly, that
+the lady and her conductor scarce had time to shut themselves up in a
+chamber, to which they retreated with great precipitation; so that
+the pursuer was now certain of having housed his prey. That he might,
+however, leave nothing to fortune, he placed himself upon the stair by
+which they had ascended to the apartment, and sent up his compliments to
+the young lady, desiring the favour of being admitted to her presence,
+otherwise he should be obliged to waive all ceremony, and take that
+liberty which she would not give. The servant, having conveyed his
+message through the keyhole, returned with an answer, importing that she
+would adhere to the resolution she had taken, and perish, rather than
+comply with his will. Our adventurer, without staying to make any
+rejoinder to this reply, ran upstairs, and, thundering at the door
+for entrance, was given to understand by the nymph's attendant, that
+a blunderbuss was ready primed for his reception, and that he would do
+well to spare him the necessity of shedding blood in defence of a person
+who had put herself under his protection. "All the laws of the land,"
+said he, "cannot now untie the knots by which we are bound together; and
+therefore I will guard her as my own property; so that you had better
+desist from your fruitless attempt, and thereby consult your own safety;
+for, by the God that made me! I will discharge my piece upon you, as
+soon as you set your nose within the door; and your blood be upon your
+own head."
+
+These menaces, from a citizen's clerk, would have been sufficient
+motives for Pickle to storm the breach, although they had not been
+reinforced by that declaration, which informed him of Emilia's having
+bestowed herself in marriage upon such a contemptible rival. This sole
+consideration added wings to his impetuosity, and he applied his foot to
+the door with such irresistible force, as burst it open in an instant,
+entering at the same time with a pistol ready cocked in his hand. His
+antagonist, instead of firing his blunderbuss, when he saw him
+approach, started back with evident signs of surprise and consternation,
+exclaiming, "Lord Jesus! Sir, you are not the man! and, without doubt,
+are under some mistake with regard to us." Before Peregrine had time
+to answer this salutation, the lady, hearing it, advanced to him, and,
+pulling off a mask, discovered a face which he had never seen before.
+The Gorgon's head, according to the fables of antiquity, never had
+a more instantaneous or petrifying effect, than that which this
+countenance produced upon the astonished youth. His eyes were fixed
+upon this unknown object, as if they had been attracted by the power of
+enchantment, his feet seemed riveted to the ground, and, after having
+stood motionless for the space of a few minutes, he dropped down in an
+apoplexy of disappointment and despair. The Swiss, who had followed him,
+seeing his master in this condition, lifted him up, and, laying him upon
+a bed in the next room, let him blood immediately, without hesitation,
+being always provided with a case of lancets, against all accidents on
+the road. To this foresight our hero, in all probability, was indebted
+for his life. By virtue of a very copious evacuation, he recovered
+the use of his senses; but the complication of fatigues and violent
+transports, which he had undergone, brewed up a dangerous fever in his
+blood; and, a physician being called from the next market-town, several
+days elapsed before he would answer for his life.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXIX.
+
+
+
+Peregrine sends a Message to Mrs. Gauntlet, who rejects his Proposal--He
+repairs to the Garrison.
+
+
+At length, however, his constitution overcame his disease, though not
+before it had in a great measure tamed the fury of his disposition,
+and brought him to a serious consideration of his conduct. In this
+humiliation of his spirits, he reflected with shame and remorse upon
+his treachery to the fair, the innocent Emilia; he remembered his former
+sentiments in her favour, as well as the injunctions of his dying uncle;
+he recollected his intimacy with her brother, against which he had so
+basely sinned; and, revolving all the circumstances of her conduct,
+found it so commendable, spirited, and noble, that he deemed her an
+object of sufficient dignity to merit his honourable addresses, even
+though his duty had not been concerned in this decision. But, obligated
+as he was to make reparation to a worthy family, which he had so grossly
+injured, he thought he could not manifest his reformation too soon; and,
+whenever he found himself able to hold a pen, wrote a letter to Mrs.
+Gauntlet, wherein he acknowledged, with many expressions of sorrow and
+contrition, that he had acted a part altogether unbecoming a man of
+honour, and should never enjoy the least tranquility of mind, until he
+should have merited her forgiveness. He protested, that, although his
+happiness entirely depended upon the determination of Emilia, he would
+even renounce all hope of being blessed with her favour, if she could
+point out any other method of making reparation to that amiable young
+lady, but by laying his heart and fortune at her feet, and submitting
+himself to her pleasure during the remaining part of his life. He
+conjured her, therefore, in the most pathetic manner, to pardon him,
+in consideration of his sincere repentance, and to use her maternal
+influence with her daughter, so as that he might be permitted to wait
+upon her with a wedding ring, as soon as his health would allow him to
+undertake the journey.
+
+This explanation being despatched by Pipes, who had, by this time, found
+his master, the young gentleman inquired about the couple whom he had
+so unfortunately pursued, and understood from his valet-de-chambre,
+who learned the story from their own mouths, that the lady was the only
+daughter of a rich Jew, and her attendant no other than his apprentice,
+who had converted her to Christianity, and married her at the same time;
+that this secret having taken air, the old Israelite had contrived
+a scheme to separate them for ever; and they being apprised of his
+intention, had found means to elope from his house, with a view of
+sheltering themselves in France, until the affair could be made up;
+that, seeing three men ride after them with such eagerness, they
+never doubted that the pursuers were her father, and some friends, or
+domestics, and on that supposition had fled with the utmost despatch and
+trepidation, until they had found themselves happily undeceived, at that
+very instant when they expected nothing but mischief and misfortune.
+Lastly, the Swiss gave him to understand, that, after having professed
+some concern for his deplorable situation, and enjoyed a slight
+refreshment, they had taken their departure for Dover, and, in all
+likelihood, were safely arrived at Paris.
+
+In four-and-twenty hours after Pipes was charged with his commission,
+he brought back an answer from the mother of Emilia, couched in these
+words:--
+
+     Sir,--I received the favour of yours, and am glad, for your
+     own sake, that you have attained a due sense and conviction
+     of your unkind and unchristian behaviour to poor Emy. I thank
+     God, none of my children were ever so insulted before. Give
+     me leave to tell you, sir, my daughter was no upstart, without
+     friends or education, but a young lady, as well bred, and
+     better born, than most private gentlewomen in the kingdom;
+     and therefore, though you had no esteem for her person, you
+     ought to have paid some regard to her family, which, no
+     disparagement to you, sir, is more honourable than your own.
+     As for your proposal, Miss Gauntlet will not hear of it,
+     being that she thinks her honour will not allow her to listen
+     to any terms of reconciliation; and she is not yet so
+     destitute as to embrace an offer to which she has the least
+     objection. In the meantime, she is so much indisposed, that
+     she cannot possibly see company; so I beg you will not take
+     the trouble of making a fruitless journey to this place.
+     Perhaps your future conduct may deserve her forgiveness,
+     and really, as I am concerned for your happiness, which you
+     assure me depends upon her condescension, I wish with all my
+     heart it may; and am, notwithstanding all that has happened,
+     your sincere well-wisher.             "Cecilia Gauntlet."
+
+From this epistle, and the information of his messenger, our hero
+learned, that his mistress had actually profited by his wild-goose
+chase, so as to make a safe retreat to her mother's house. Though sorry
+to hear of her indisposition, he was also piqued at her implacability,
+as well as at some stately paragraphs of the letter, in which, he
+thought, the good lady had consulted her own vanity, rather than
+her good sense. These motives of resentment helped him to bear his
+disappointment like a philosopher, especially as he had now quieted
+his conscience, in proffering to redress the injury he had done; and,
+moreover, found himself, with regard to his love, in a calm state of
+hope and resignation.
+
+A seasonable fit of illness is an excellent medicine for the turbulence
+of passion. Such a reformation had the fever produced on the economy of
+his thoughts, that he moralized like an apostle, and projected several
+prudential schemes for his future conduct. In the meantime, as soon
+as his health was sufficiently re-established, he took a trip to the
+garrison, in order to visit his friends; and learned from Hatchway's own
+mouth, that he had broke the ice of courtship to his aunt, and that his
+addresses were now fairly afloat; though, when he first declared himself
+to the widow, after she had been duly prepared for the occasion, by her
+niece and the rest of her friends, she had received his proposal with
+a becoming reserve, and piously wept at the remembrance of her husband,
+observing, that she should never meet with his fellow.
+
+Peregrine promoted the lieutenant's suit with all his influence, and
+all Mrs. Trunnion's objections to the match being surmounted, it was
+determined, that the day of marriage should be put off for three months,
+that her reputation might not suffer by a precipitate engagement. His
+next care was to give orders for erecting a plain marble monument to the
+memory of his uncle, on which the following inscription, composed by the
+bridegroom, actually appeared in golden letters:
+
+                     Here lies,
+             Foundered in a fathom and half,
+                     The shell
+                         Of
+                 HAWSER TRUNNION, Esq.
+            Formerly commander of a squadron
+               In his Majesty's service,
+          Who broached to, at five P.M. Oct. 10,
+      In the year of his age threescore and nineteen.
+
+            He kept his guns always loaded,
+             And his tackle ready mann'd,
+        And never showed his poop to the enemy,
+            Except when he took her in tow;
+    But, His shot being expended, His match burnt out,
+             And his upper works decayed,
+    He was sunk by Death's superior weight of metal.
+
+                     Nevertheless,
+       He will be weighed again at the Great Day,
+      His rigging refitted, And his timbers repaired;
+                And, with one broadside,
+          Make his adversary strike in his turn.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXX.
+
+
+
+He returns to London, and meets with Cadwallader, who entertains
+him with many curious Particulars--Crabtree sounds the Duchess, and
+undeceives Pickle, who, by an extraordinary Accident, becomes acquainted
+with another Lady of Quality.
+
+
+The young gentleman having performed these last offices in honour of
+his deceased benefactor, and presented Mr. Jolter to the long-expected
+living, which at this time happened to be vacant, returned to London,
+and resumed his former gaiety: not that he was able to shake Emilia from
+his thought, or even to remember her without violent emotions; for, as
+he recovered his vigour, his former impatience recurred, and therefore
+he resolved to plunge himself headlong into some intrigue, that might
+engage his passions and amuse his imagination.
+
+A man of his accomplishments could not fail to meet with a variety of
+subjects on which his gallantry would have been properly exercised; and
+this abundance distracted his choice, which at any time was apt to be
+influenced by caprice and whim. I have already observed, that he had
+lifted his view, through a matrimonial perspective, as high as a lady of
+the first quality and distinction: and now, that he was refused by Miss
+Gauntlet, and enjoyed a little respite from the agonies of that flame
+which her charms had kindled in his heart, he renewed his assiduities to
+her grace. Though he durst not yet risk an explanation, he enjoyed the
+pleasure of seeing himself so well received in quality of a particular
+acquaintance, that he flattered himself with the belief of his having
+made some progress in her heart; and was confirmed in this conceited
+notion by the assurances of her woman, whom, by liberal largesses, he
+retained in his interest, because she found means to persuade him
+that she was in the confidence of her lady. But, notwithstanding this
+encouragement, and the sanguine suggestions of his own vanity, he
+dreaded the thoughts of exposing himself to her ridicule and resentment
+by a premature declaration and determined to postpone his addresses,
+until he should be more certified of the probability of succeeding in
+his attempt.
+
+While he remained in this hesitation and suspense, he was one morning
+very agreeably surprised with the appearance of his friend Crabtree,
+who, by the permission of Pipes, to whom he was well known, entered his
+chamber before he was awake, and, by a violent shake of the shoulder,
+disengaged him from the arms of sleep. The first compliments having
+mutually passed, Cadwallader gave him to understand, that he had arrived
+in town overnight in the stage-coach from Bath, and entertained him with
+such a ludicrous account of his fellow-travellers, that Peregrine, for
+the first time since their parting, indulged himself in mirth, even to
+the hazard of suffocation.
+
+Crabtree, having rehearsed these adventures, in such a peculiarity of
+manner as added infinite ridicule to every circumstance, and repeated
+every scandalous report which had circulated at Bath, after Peregrine's
+departure, was informed by the youth, that he harboured a design upon
+the person of such a duchess, and in all appearance had no reason to
+complain of his reception; but that he would not venture to declare
+himself, until he should be more ascertained of her sentiments; and
+therefore he begged leave to depend upon the intelligence of his friend
+Cadwallader, who, he knew, was admitted to her parties.
+
+The misanthrope, before he would promise his assistance, asked if his
+prospect verged towards matrimony; and our adventurer, who guessed the
+meaning of his question, replying in the negative, he undertook the
+office of reconnoitring her inclination, protesting at the same time,
+that he would never concern himself in any scheme that did not tend
+to the disgrace and deception of all the sex. On these conditions he
+espoused the interest of our hero; and a plan was immediately concerted,
+in consequence of which they met by accident at her grace's table.
+Pickle having staid all the forepart of the evening, and sat out all the
+company, except the misanthrope and a certain widow lady who was said
+to be in the secrets of my lady duchess, went away on pretence of an
+indispensable engagement, that Crabtree might have a proper opportunity
+of making him the subject of conversation.
+
+Accordingly, he had scarce quitted the apartment, when this cynic,
+attending him to the door with a look of morose disdain, "Were I an
+absolute prince," said he, "and that fellow one of my subjects, I would
+order him to be clothed in sackcloth, and he should drive my asses
+to water, that his lofty spirit might be lowered to the level of his
+deserts. The pride of a peacock is downright self-denial, when compared
+with the vanity of that coxcomb, which was naturally arrogant, but is
+now rendered altogether intolerable, by the reputation he acquired at
+Bath, for kicking a bully, outwitting a club of raw sharpers, and divers
+other pranks, in the execution of which he was more lucky than wise.
+But nothing has contributed so much to the increase of his insolence and
+self-conceit, as the favour he found among the ladies; ay, the ladies,
+madam: I care not who knows it: the ladies, who, to their honour be it
+spoken, never fail to patronize foppery and folly, provided they solicit
+their encouragement. And yet this dog was not on the footing of those
+hermaphroditical animals, who may be reckoned among the number of
+waiting-women, who air your shifts, comb your lap-dogs, examine your
+noses with magnifying glasses, in order to squeeze out the worms, clean
+your tooth-brushes, sweeten your handkerchiefs, and soften waste
+paper for your occasions. This fellow Pickle was entertained for more
+important purposes; his turn of duty never came till all those lapwings
+were gone to roost; then he scaled windows, leaped over garden walls,
+and was let in by Mrs. Betty in the dark. Nay, the magistrates of Bath
+complimented him with the freedom of the corporation, merely because,
+through his means, the waters had gained extraordinary credit; for every
+female of a tolerable appearance, that went thither on account of her
+sterility, got the better of her complaint, during his residence at
+Bath. And now the fellow thinks no woman can withstand his addresses.
+He had not been here three minutes, when I could perceive, with half
+an eye, that he had marked out your grace for a conquest,--I mean in
+an honourable way; though the rascal has impudence enough to attempt
+anything."
+
+So saying, he fixed his eyes upon the duchess, who, while her face
+glowed with indignation, turning to her confidant, expressed herself in
+these words: "Upon my life! I believe there is actually some truth in
+what this old ruffian says; I have myself observed that young fellow
+eyeing me with a very particular stare."--"It is not to be at all
+wondered at," said her friend, "that a youth of his complexion should
+be sensible to the charms of your grace! but I dare say he would
+not presume to entertain any but the most honourable and respectful
+sentiments."--"Respectful sentiments!" cried my lady, with a look of
+ineffable disdain; "if I thought the fellow had assurance enough to
+think of me in any shape, I protest I would forbid him my house. Upon my
+honour, such instances of audacity should induce persons of quality to
+keep your small gentry at a greater distance; for they are very apt to
+grow impudent, upon the least countenance or encouragement."
+
+Cadwallader, satisfied with this declaration, changed the subject of
+discourse, and next day communicated his discovery to his friend Pickle,
+who upon this occasion felt the most stinging sensations of mortified
+pride, and resolved to quit his prospect with a good grace. Nor did the
+execution of this self-denying scheme cost him one moment's uneasiness;
+for his heart had never been interested in the pursuit, and his vanity
+triumphed in the thoughts of manifesting his indifference. Accordingly,
+the very next time he visited her grace, his behaviour was remarkably
+frank, sprightly and disengaged; and the subject of love being
+artfully introduced by the widow, who had been directed to sound his
+inclinations, he rallied the passion with great ease and severity and
+made no scruple of declaring himself heart-whole. Though the duchess
+had resented his supposed affection, she was now offended at his
+insensibility, and even signified her disgust, by observing, that
+perhaps his attention to his own qualifications screened him from the
+impression of all other objects.
+
+While he enjoyed this sarcasm, the meaning of which he could plainly
+discern, the company was joined by a certain virtuoso, who had gained
+free access to all the great families of the land, by his noble talent
+of gossiping and buffoonery. He was now in the seventy-fifth year of his
+age; his birth was so obscure, that he scarce knew his father's name;
+his education suitable to the dignity of his descent; his character
+publicly branded with homicide, profligacy, and breach of trust; yet
+this man, by the happy inheritance of impregnable effrontery, and a
+lucky prostitution of all principle in rendering himself subservient to
+the appetites of the great, had attained to an independency of fortune,
+as well as to such a particular share of favour among the quality, that,
+although he was well known to have pimped for three generations of the
+nobility, there was not a lady of fashion in the kingdom who scrupled to
+admit him to her toilette, or even to be squired by him in any place of
+public entertainment. Not but that this sage was occasionally useful to
+his fellow-creatures, by these connections with people of fortune; for
+he often undertook to solicit charity in behalf of distressed objects,
+with a view of embezzling one-half of the benefactions. It was an errand
+of this kind that now brought him to the house of her grace.
+
+After having sat a few minutes, he told the company that he would favour
+them with a very proper opportunity to extend their benevolence, for the
+relief of a poor gentlewoman, who was reduced to the most abject misery,
+by the death of her husband, and just delivered of a couple of fine
+boys: they, moreover, understood from his information, that this object
+was daughter of a good family, who had renounced her in consequence
+of her marrying an ensign without a fortune; and even obstructed
+his promotion with all their influence and power; a circumstance of
+barbarity which had made such an impression upon his mind, as disordered
+his brain, and drove him to despair, in a fit of which he had made away
+with himself, leaving his wife, then big with child, to all the horrors
+of indigence and grief.
+
+Various were the criticisms on this pathetic picture, which the old man
+drew with great expression. My lady duchess concluded that she must be
+a creature void of all feeling and reflection, who could survive such
+aggravated misery, therefore did not deserve to be relieved, except in
+the character of a common beggar; and was generous enough to offer a
+recommendation, by which she would be admitted into an infirmary,
+to which her grace was a subscriber; at the same time advising the
+solicitor to send the twins to the Foundling Hospital, where they could
+be carefully nursed and brought up, so as to become useful members to
+the commonwealth. Another lady, with all due deference to the opinion of
+the duchess, was free enough to blame the generosity of her grace, which
+would only serve to encourage children in disobedience to their parents,
+and might be the means not only of prolonging the distress of the
+wretched creature, but also of ruining the constitution of some young
+heir, perhaps the hope of a great family; for she did suppose that
+madam, when her month should be up, and her brats disposed of, would
+spread her attractions to the public, provided she could profit by her
+person, and, in the usual way, make a regular progress from St. James's
+to Drury Lane. She apprehended, for these reasons, that their compassion
+would be most effectually shown, in leaving her to perish in her present
+necessity; and that the old gentleman would be unpardonable, should
+he persist in his endeavours to relieve her. A third member of this
+tender-hearted society, after having asked if the young woman was
+handsome, and being answered in the negative, allowed that there was a
+great deal of reason in what had been said by the honourable person who
+had spoke last; nevertheless, she humbly conceived her sentence would
+admit of some mitigation. "Let the bantlings," said she, "be sent to the
+hospital, according to the advice of her grace, and a small collection
+be made for the present support of the mother; and, when her health
+is recovered, I will take her into my family, in quality of an upper
+servant, or medium between me and my woman; for, upon my life! I can't
+endure to chide or give directions to a creature, who is, in point of
+birth and education, but one degree above the vulgar."
+
+This proposal met with universal approbation. The duchess, to her
+immortal honour, began the contribution with a crown; so that the rest
+of the company were obliged to restrict their liberality to half the
+sum, that her grace might not be affronted. And the proposer, demanding
+the poor woman's name and place of abode, the old mediator could not
+help giving her ladyship a verbal direction, though he was extremely
+mortified, on more accounts than one, to find such an issue to his
+solicitation.
+
+Peregrine, who, "though humorous as winter, had a tear for pity, and
+a hand open as day for melting charity," was shocked at the nature and
+result of this ungenerous consultation. He contributed his half-crown,
+however, and, retiring from the company, betook himself to the lodgings
+of the forlorn lady in the straw, according to the direction he had
+heard. Upon inquiry, he understood that she was then visited by some
+charitable gentlewoman, who had sent for a nurse, and waited the return
+of the messenger; and he sent up his respects, desiring he might be
+permitted to see her, on pretence of having been intimate with her late
+husband.
+
+Though the poor woman had never heard of his name, she did not think
+proper to deny his request; and he was conducted to a paltry chamber
+in the third story, where he found this unhappy widow sitting upon a
+truckle-bed, and suckling one of her infants, with the most piteous
+expression of anguish in her features, which were naturally regular
+and sweet, while the other was fondled on the knee of a person, whose
+attention was so much engrossed by her little charge, that, for the
+present, she could mind nothing else; and it was not till after the
+first compliments passed betwixt the hapless mother and our adventurer,
+that he perceived the stranger's countenance, which inspired him with
+the highest esteem and admiration. He beheld all the graces of elegance
+and beauty, breathing sentiment and beneficence, and softened into the
+most enchanting tenderness of weeping sympathy. When he declared the
+cause of his visit, which was no other than the desire of befriending
+the distressed lady, to whom he presented a bank-note for twenty pounds,
+he was favoured with such a look of complacency by this amiable phantom,
+who might have been justly taken for an angel ministering to the
+necessities of mortals, that his whole soul was transported with love
+and veneration. Nor was this prepossession diminished by the information
+of the widow, who, after having manifested her gratitude in a flood of
+tears, told him, that the unknown object of his esteem was a person of
+honour, who having heard by accident of her deplorable situation, had
+immediately obeyed the dictates of her humanity, and come in person to
+relieve her distress; that she had not only generously supplied her with
+money for present sustenance, but also undertaken to provide a nurse for
+her babes, and even promised to favour her with protection, should
+she survive her present melancholy situation. To these articles of
+intelligence she added, that the name of her benefactress was the
+celebrated Lady --, to whose character the youth was no stranger, though
+he had never seen her person before. The killing edge of her charms was
+a little blunted by the accidents of time and fortune; but no man of
+taste and imagination, whose nerves were not quite chilled with the
+frost of age, could, even at that time, look upon her with impunity.
+And as Peregrine saw her attractions heightened by the tender office in
+which she was engaged, he was smitten with her beauty, and so ravished
+with her compassion, that he could not suppress his emotions, but
+applauded her benevolence with all the warmth of enthusiasm.
+
+Her ladyship received his compliments with great politeness and
+affability. And the occasion on which they met being equally interesting
+to both, an acquaintance commenced between them, and they concerted
+measures for the benefit of the widow and her two children, one of whom
+our hero bespoke for his own godson; for Pickle was not so obscure in
+the beau monde, but that his fame had reached the ears of this lady,
+who, therefore, did not discourage his advances towards her friendship
+and esteem. All the particulars relating to their charge being adjusted,
+he attended her ladyship to her own house; and, by her conversation,
+had the pleasure of finding her understanding suitable to her other
+accomplishments. Nor had she any reason to think that our hero's
+qualifications had been exaggerated by common report.
+
+One of their adopted children died before it was baptized; so that
+their care concentred in the other, for whom they stood sponsors.
+Understanding that the old agent was becoming troublesome in his visits
+to the mother, to whom he now began to administer such counsel as
+shocked the delicacy of her virtue, they removed her into another
+lodging, where she would not be exposed to his machinations. In less
+than a month, our hero learned from a nobleman of his acquaintance,
+that the hoary pander had actually engaged to procure for him this
+poor afflicted gentlewoman; and, being frustrated in his intention,
+substituted in her room a nymph from the purlieus of Covent Garden, that
+made his lordship smart severely for the favours she bestowed.
+
+Meanwhile, Peregrine cultivated his new acquaintance with all his art
+and assiduity, presuming, from the circumstances of her reputation and
+fate, as well as on the strength of his own merit, that, in time, he
+should be able to indulge that passion which had begun to glow within
+his breast. As her ladyship had undergone a vast variety of fortune
+and adventure, which he had heard indistinctly related, with numberless
+errors and misrepresentations, he was no sooner entitled, by the
+familiarity of communication, to ask such a favour, than he earnestly
+entreated her to entertain him with the particulars of her story; and,
+by dint of importunity, she was at length prevailed upon, in a select
+party, to gratify his curiosity, by the account given in the following
+chapter.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXI.
+
+
+
+The Memoirs of a Lady of Quality.
+
+
+"By the circumstances of the story which I am going to relate, you will
+be convinced of my candour, while you are informed of my indiscretion.
+You will be enabled, I hope, to perceive, that, howsoever my head may
+have erred, my heart hath always been uncorrupted, and that I have been
+unhappy, because I loved, and was a woman.
+
+"I believe I need not observe, that I was the only child of a man of
+good fortune, who indulged me in my infancy with all the tenderness of
+paternal affection; and, when I was six years old, sent me to a private
+school, where I stayed till my age was doubled, and became such a
+favourite, that I was, even in those early days, carried to all the
+places of public diversion, the court itself not excepted, an indulgence
+that flattered my love of pleasure, to which I was naturally addicted,
+and encouraged those ideas of vanity and ambition which spring up so
+early in the human mind.
+
+"I was lively and good-natured, my imagination apt to run riot, my heart
+liberal and disinterested, though I was so obstinately attached to my
+own opinions, that I could not well brook contradiction; and, in the
+whole of my disposition, resembled that of Henry V., as described by
+Shakespeare.
+
+"In my thirteenth year I went to Bath, where I was first introduced
+into the world as a woman, having been entitled to that privilege by my
+person, which was remarkably tall for my years; and there my fancy was
+quite captivated by the variety of diversions in which I was continually
+engaged. Not that the parties were altogether new to me, but because I
+now found myself considered as a person of consequence, and surrounded
+by a crowd of admirers, who courted my acquaintance, and fed my vanity
+with praise and adulation. In short, whether or not I deserved their
+encomiums, I leave the world to judge; but my person was commended, and
+my talent in dancing met with universal applause. No wonder, then,
+that everything appeared joyous to a young creature, who was so void
+of experience and dissimulation, that she believed everybody's heart as
+sincere as her own, and every object such as it appeared to be.
+
+"Among the swains who sighed, or pretended to sigh for me, were two
+that bore a pretty equal share of my favour (it was too superficial to
+deserve the name of love). One of these was a forward youth of sixteen,
+extremely handsome, lively, and impudent. He attended in quality of page
+upon the Princess Amelia, who spent that season at Bath. The other was a
+Scotch nobleman turned of thirty, who was graced with a red ribbon, and
+danced particularly well, two qualifications of great weight with a
+girl of my age, whose heart was not deeply interested in the cause.
+Nevertheless, the page prevailed over this formidable rival; though our
+amour went no farther than a little flirting, and ceased entirely when I
+left the place.
+
+"Next year, however, I revisited this agreeable scene, and passed my
+time in the same circle of amusements; in which, indeed, each season
+at Bath is exactly resembled by that which succeeds, allowing for the
+difference of company, which is continually varying. There I met with
+the same incense, and again had my favourite, who was a North Briton,
+and captain of foot, near forty years of age, and a little lame, an
+impediment which I did not discover, until it was pointed out by some
+of my companions, who rallied me upon my choice. He was always
+cheerful, and very amorous, had a good countenance, and an excellent
+understanding, possessed a great deal of art, and would have persuaded
+me to marry him, had I not been restrained by the authority of my
+father, whose consent was not to be obtained in favour of a man of his
+fortune.
+
+"At the same time, many proposals of marriage were made to my parents;
+but as they came from people whom I did not like, I rejected them all,
+being determined to refuse every man who did not make his addresses to
+myself in person, because I had no notion of marrying for anything
+but love. Among these formal proposers was a Scottish earl, whose
+pretensions were broke off by some difference about settlements; and
+the son of an English baron, with whom my father was in treaty, when
+he carried me to town, on a visit to a young lady with whom I had been
+intimate from my infancy. She was just delivered of her first son, for
+whom we stood sponsors; so that this occasion detained us a whole month,
+during which I went to a ball at court, on the Queen's birthday, and
+there, for the first time, felt what love and beauty were.
+
+"The second son of Duke H--, who had just returned from his travels, was
+dancing with the princess royal, when a young lady came and desired
+me to go and see a stranger, whom all the world admired. Upon which I
+followed her into the circle, and observed this object of admiration. He
+was dressed in a coat of white cloth, faced with blue satin, embroidered
+with silver, of the same piece with his waistcoat; his fine hair hung
+down his back in ringlets below his waist; his hat was laced with
+silver, and garnished with a white feather; but his person beggared
+description. He was tall and graceful, neither corpulent nor meagre, his
+limbs finely proportioned, his countenance open and majestic, his eyes
+full of sweetness and vivacity, his teeth regular, and his pouting lips
+of the complexion of the damask rose. In short, he was formed for
+love, and inspired it wherever he appeared; nor was he a niggard of his
+talents, but liberally returned it, at least, what passed for such; for
+he had a flow of gallantry, for which many ladies of this land can vouch
+from their own experience. But he exclaimed against marriage, because
+he had, as yet, met with no woman to whose charms he would surrender his
+liberty, though a princess of France, and lady of the same rank in --,
+were said to be, at that time, enamoured of his person.
+
+"I went home, totally engrossed by his idea, flattering myself that he
+had observed me with some attention; for I was young and new, and had
+the good fortune to attract the notice and approbation of the queen
+herself.
+
+"Next day, being at the opera, I was agreeably surprised with the
+appearance of this amiable stranger, who no sooner saw me enter, than
+he approached so near to the place where I sat, that I overheard what he
+said to his companions; and was so happy as to find myself the object
+of his discourse, which abounded with rapturous expressions of love and
+admiration. I could not listen to these transports without emotion; my
+colour changed, my heart throbbed with unusual violence, and my eyes
+betrayed my inclination in sundry favourable glances, which he seemed to
+interpret aright, though he could not then avail himself of his success,
+so far as to communicate his sentiments by speech, because we were
+strangers to each other.
+
+"I passed that night in the most anxious suspense, and several days
+elapsed before I saw him again. At length, however, being at court on
+a ball-night, and determined against dancing, I perceived him among the
+crowd, and, to my unspeakable joy, saw him advance, with my Lord P--,
+who introduced him to my acquaintance. He soon found means to alter my
+resolution, and I condescended to be his partner all the evening; during
+which he declared his passion in the most tender and persuasive terms
+that real love could dictate, or fruitful imagination invent.
+
+"I believed his protestations, because I wished them true, and was an
+unexperienced girl of fifteen. I complied with his earnest request of
+being permitted to visit me, and even invited him to breakfast next
+morning; so that you may imagine (I speak to those that feel) I did
+not, that night, enjoy much repose. Such was the hurry and flutter of my
+spirits, that I rose at six to receive him at ten. I dressed myself in
+a new pink satin gown, and my best laced night-clothes, and was so
+animated by the occasion that, if ever I deserved a compliment upon my
+looks, it was my due at this meeting. The wished-for moment came that
+brought my lover to my view. I was overwhelmed with joy, modesty, and
+fear of I knew not what. We sat down to breakfast, but did not eat. He
+renewed his addresses with irresistible eloquence, and pressed me to
+accept of his hand without further hesitation. But to such a precipitate
+step I objected, as a measure repugnant to my decency, as well as to
+that duty which I owed to my father, whom I tenderly loved.
+
+"Though I withstood this premature proposal, I did not attempt to
+disguise the situation of my thoughts; and thus commenced a tender
+correspondence, which was maintained by letters while I remained in the
+country, and carried on, when I was in town, by private interviews twice
+or thrice a week at the house of my milliner, where such endearments
+passed as refined and happy lovers know, and others can only guess.
+Truth and innocence prevailed on my side, while his heart was fraught
+with sincerity and love. Such frequent intercourse created an intimacy
+which I began to think dangerous, and therefore yielded to his repeated
+desire that we might be united for ever. Nay, I resolved to avoid him,
+until the day should be fixed, and very innocently, though not very
+wisely, told him my reason for this determination, which was no other
+than a consciousness of my incapacity to refuse him anything he should
+demand as a testimony of my love.
+
+"The time was accordingly appointed, at the distance of a few days,
+during which I intended to have implored my father's consent, though I
+had but faint hopes of obtaining it. But he was by some means or other
+apprised of our design, before I could prevail upon myself to make him
+acquainted with our purpose. I had danced with my lover at the ridotto
+on the preceding evening, and there perhaps our eyes betrayed us.
+Certain it is, several of Lord W--'s relations, who disapproved of the
+match, came up and rallied him on his passion; Lord S--k, in particular,
+used this remarkable expression, 'Nephew, as much love as you please,
+but no matrimony.'"
+
+"Next day, the priest being prepared, and the bridegroom waiting for me
+at the appointed place, in all the transports of impatient expectation,
+I was, without any previous warning, carried into the country by my
+father, who took no notice of the intelligence he had received, but
+decoyed me into the coach on pretence of taking the air; and, when we
+had proceeded as far as Turnham Green, gave me to understand, that he
+would dine in that place.
+
+"There was no remedy. I was obliged to bear my disappointment, though
+with an aching heart, and followed him up-stairs into an apartment,
+where he told me he was minutely informed of my matrimonial scheme. I
+did not attempt to disguise the truth, but assured him, while the tears
+gushed from my eyes, that my want of courage alone had hindered me from
+making him privy to my passion; though I owned, I should have married
+Lord W--, even though he had disapproved of my choice. I reminded him of
+the uneasy life I led at home, and frankly acknowledged, that I loved my
+admirer too well to live without him; though, if he would favour me with
+his consent, I would defer my intention, and punctually observe any day
+he would fix for our nuptials. Meanwhile I begged he would permit me to
+send a message to Lord W--, who was waiting in expectation of my coming,
+and might, without such notice, imagine I was playing the jilt. He
+granted this last request; in consequence of which I sent a letter to
+my lover, who, when he received it, had almost fainted away, believing I
+should be locked up in the country, and snatched for ever from his arms.
+Tortured with these apprehensions, he changed clothes immediately, and,
+taking horse, resolved to follow me whithersoever we should go.
+
+"After dinner, we proceeded as far as Brentford, where we lay, intending
+to be at my father's country house next night; and my admirer putting up
+at the same inn, practised every expedient his invention could suggest
+to procure an interview; but all his endeavours were unsuccessful,
+because I, who little dreamed of his being so near, had gone to bed upon
+our first arrival, overwhelmed with affliction and tears. In the morning
+I threw myself at my father's feet, and conjured him, by all the ties
+of paternal affection, to indulge me with an opportunity of seeing my
+admirer once more, before I should be conveyed from his wishes. The
+melancholy condition in which I preferred this supplication, melted the
+tender heart of my parent, who yielded to my supplications, and carried
+me back to town for that purpose.
+
+"Lord W--, who had watched our motions, and arrived at his own lodgings
+before we arrived at my father's house, obeyed my summons on the
+instant, and appeared before me like an angel. Our faculties were for
+some minutes suspended by a conflict of grief and joy. At length I
+recovered the use of speech, and gave him to understand, that I was
+come to town in order to take my leave of him, by the permission of my
+father, whom I had promised to attend into the country next day, before
+he would consent to my return; the chief cause and pretence of which
+was my earnest desire to convince him, that I was not to blame for the
+disappointment he had suffered, and that I should see him again in a
+month, when the nuptial knot should be tied in spite of all opposition.
+
+"My lover, who was better acquainted with the world, had wellnigh run
+distracted with this information. He swore he would not leave me, until
+I should promise to meet and marry him next day; or, if I refused to
+grant that request, he would immediately leave the kingdom, to which he
+would never more return; and, before his departure, sacrifice Lord H.
+B--, son to the Duke of S. A--, who was the only person upon earth who
+could have betrayed us to my father, because he alone was trusted with
+the secret of our intended marriage, and had actually undertaken to give
+me away; an office which he afterwards declined. Lord W-- also affirmed,
+that my father decoyed me into the country with a view of cooping me up,
+and sequestering me entirely from his view and correspondence.
+
+"In vain I pleaded my father's well-known tenderness, and used all the
+arguments I could recollect to divert him from his revenge upon Lord
+H--. He was deaf to all my representations, and nothing, I found, would
+prevail upon him to suppress his resentment, but a positive promise to
+comply with his former desire. I told him I would hazard everything to
+make him happy; but could not, with any regard to my duty, take such a
+step without the knowledge of my parent; or, if I were so inclined, it
+would be impracticable to elude his vigilance and suspicion. However,
+he employed such pathetic remonstrances, and retained such a powerful
+advocate within my own breast, that, before we parted, I assured him my
+whole power should be exerted for his satisfaction; and he signified his
+resolution of sitting up all night, in expectation of seeing me at his
+lodgings.
+
+"He had no sooner retired, than I went into the next room, and
+desired my father to fix a day for the marriage; in which case I would
+cheerfully wait upon him into the country; whereas, should he deny
+my request, on pretence of staying for the consent of my mother's
+relations, which was very uncertain, I would seize the first opportunity
+of marrying Lord W--, cost what it would. He consented to the match,
+but would not appoint a day for the ceremony, which he proposed to defer
+until all parties should be agreed; and such a favourable crisis, I
+feared, would never happen.
+
+"I therefore resolved within myself to gratify my lover's expectation,
+by eloping, if possible, that very night; though the execution of this
+plan was extremely difficult, because my father was upon the alarm,
+and my own maid, who was my bedfellow, altogether in his interest.
+Notwithstanding these considerations, I found means to engage one of
+the housemaids in my behalf, who bespoke a hackney-coach, to be kept in
+waiting all night; and to bed I went with my Abigail, whom, as I had not
+closed an eye, I waked about five in the morning, and sent to pack up
+some things for our intended journey.
+
+"While she was thus employed, I got up, and huddled on my clothes,
+standing upon my pillow, lest my father, who lay in the chamber below,
+should hear me afoot, and suspect my design. Having dressed myself with
+great despatch and disorder, I flounced downstairs, stalking as heavily
+as I could tread, that he might mistake me for one of the servants; and
+my confederate opening the door, I sallied out into the street, though
+I knew not which way to turn; and, to my unspeakable mortification,
+neither coach nor chair appeared.
+
+"Having travelled on foot a good way, in hope of finding a convenience,
+and being not only disappointed in that particular, but also bewildered
+in my peregrination, I began to be exceedingly alarmed with the
+apprehension of being met by some person who might know me; because in
+that case, my design would undoubtedly have been discovered, from every
+circumstance of my appearance at that time of day; for I had put on
+the very clothes which I had pulled off overnight, so that my dress was
+altogether odd and peculiar. My shoes were very fine, and over a large
+hoop I wore a pink satin quilted petticoat trimmed with silver, which
+was partly covered by a white dimity night-gown, a full quarter of
+a yard too short; my handkerchief and apron were hurried on without
+pinning; my nightcap could not contain my hair, which hung about my
+ears in great disorder; and my countenance denoted a mixture of hope and
+fear, joy and shame.
+
+"In this dilemma, I made my addresses to that honourable member of
+society, a shoe-black, whom I earnestly entreated to provide me with a
+coach or chair, promising to reward him liberally for his trouble, but
+he, having the misfortune to be lame, was unable to keep up with
+my pace; so that by his advice and direction, I went into the first
+public-house I found open, where I stayed some time, in the utmost
+consternation, among a crew of wretches whom I thought proper to bribe
+for their civility, not without the terror of being stripped. At length,
+however, my messenger returned with a chair, of which I took immediate
+possession; and fearing that, by this time, my family would be alarmed,
+and send directly to Lord W--'s lodgings, I ordered myself to be carried
+thither backwards, that so I might pass undiscovered.
+
+"This stratagem succeeded according to my wish; I ran upstairs, in a
+state of trepidation, to my faithful lover, who waited for me with the
+most impatient and fearful suspense. At sight of me his eyes lightened
+with transport: he caught me in his arms, as the richest present Heaven
+could bestow; gave me to understand that my father had already sent to
+his lodgings in quest of me; then applauding my love and resolution in
+the most rapturous terms, he ordered a hackney-coach to be called, and,
+that we might run no risk of separation, attended me to church, where we
+were lawfully joined in the sight of Heaven.
+
+"His fears were then all over, but mine recurred with double
+aggravation: I dreaded the sight of my father, and shared all the sorrow
+he suffered on account of my undutiful behaviour; for I loved him with
+such piety of affection, that I would have endured every other species
+of distress, rather than given him the least uneasiness; but love, where
+he reigns in full empire, is altogether irresistible, surmounts every
+difficulty, and swallows up all other considerations. This was the case
+with me; and now the irrevocable step was taken, my first care was to
+avoid his sight. With this view, I begged that Lord W-- would think
+of some remote place in the country, to which we might retire for the
+present, and he forthwith conducted me to a house on Blackheath, where
+we were very civilly received by a laughter-loving dame, who seemed
+to mistake me for one of her own sisterhood. I no sooner perceived her
+opinion, than I desired Lord W-- to undeceive her; upon which she was
+made acquainted with the nature of my situation, and showed us into a
+private room, where I called for pen and paper, and wrote an apology
+to my father, for having acted contrary to his will in so important a
+concern.
+
+"This task being performed, the bridegroom gave me to understand, that
+there was a necessity for our being bedded immediately, in order to
+render the marriage binding, lest my father should discover and part
+us before consummation. I pleaded hard for a respite till the evening,
+objecting to the indecency of going to bed before noon; but he found
+means to invalidate all my arguments, and to convince me that it was now
+my duty to obey. Rather than hazard the imputation of being obstinate
+and refractory on the first day of my probation, I suffered myself to be
+led into a chamber, which was darkened by my express stipulation, that
+my shame and confusion might be the better concealed, and yielded to the
+privilege of a dear husband, who loved me to adoration.
+
+"About five o'clock in the afternoon we were called to dinner, which we
+had ordered to be ready at four; but such a paltry care had been forgot
+amidst the transports of our mutual bliss. We got up, however, and when
+we came downstairs, I was ashamed to see the light of day, or meet the
+eyes of my beloved lord. I ate little, said less, was happy, though
+overwhelmed with confusion, underwent a thousand agitations, some of
+which were painful, but by far the greater part belonged to rapture and
+delight; we were imparadised in the gratification of our mutual wishes,
+and felt all that love can bestow, and sensibility enjoy.
+
+"In the twilight we returned to Lord W--'s lodgings in town, where I
+received a letter from my father, importing that he would never see me
+again. But there was one circumstance in his manner of writing, from
+which I conceived a happy presage of his future indulgence. He had
+begun with his usual appellation of 'Dear Fanny,' which, though it was
+expunged to make way for the word 'Madam,' encouraged me to hope that
+his paternal fondness was not yet extinguished.
+
+"At supper we were visited by Lord W--'s younger sister, who laughed
+at us for our inconsiderate match, though she owned she envied our
+happiness, and offered me the use of her clothes until I could retrieve
+my own. She was a woman of a great deal of humour, plain but genteel,
+civil, friendly, and perfectly well bred. She favoured us with her
+company till the night was pretty far advanced, and did not take her
+leave till we retired to our apartment.
+
+"As our lodgings were not spacious or magnificent, we resolved to see
+little company; but this resolution was frustrated by the numerous
+acquaintance of Lord W--, who let in half the town: so that I ran the
+gauntlet for a whole week among a set of wits, who always delight in
+teasing a young creature of any note, when she happens to make such
+a stolen match. Among those that visited us upon this occasion was my
+lord's younger brother, who was at that time in keeping with a rich
+heiress of masculine memory, and took that opportunity of making
+a parade with his equipage, which was indeed very magnificent, but
+altogether disregarded by us, whose happiness consisted in the opulence
+of mutual love.
+
+"This ceremony of receiving visits being performed, we went to wait on
+his mother, the duchess of H--, who, hearing I was an heiress, readily
+forgave her son for marrying without her knowledge and consent, and
+favoured us with a very cordial reception; insomuch, that for several
+months, we dined almost constantly at her table; and I must own, I
+always found her unaltered in her civility and affection, contrary
+to her general character, which was haughty and capricious. She was
+undoubtedly a woman of great spirit and understanding, but subject to
+an infirmity which very much impairs and disguises every other
+qualification.
+
+"In about three weeks after our marriage, I was so happy as to obtain
+the forgiveness of my father, to whose house we repaired, in order
+to pay our respects and submission. At sight of me he wept; nor did I
+behold his tears unmoved. My heart was overcharged with tenderness and
+sorrow, for having offended such an indulgent parent; so that I mingled
+my tears with his, while my dear husband, whose soul was of the softest
+and gentlest mould, melted with sympathy at the affecting scene. Being
+thus reconciled to my father, we attended him into the country, where
+we were received by my mother, who was a sensible good woman, though
+not susceptible to love, and therefore less apt to excuse a weakness
+to which she was an utter stranger. This was likewise the case with an
+uncle, from whom I had great expectations. He was a plain good-natured
+man, and treated us with great courtesy, though his notions, in point
+of love, were not exactly conformable to ours. Nevertheless, I was,
+and seemed to be so happy in my choice, that my family not only became
+satisfied with the match, but exceedingly fond of Lord W--.
+
+"After a short stay with them in the country, we returned to London, in
+order to be introduced at court, and then set out for the north, on a
+visit to my brother-in-law the duke of H--, who had, by a letter to Lord
+W--, invited us to his habitation. My father accordingly equipped us
+with horses and money; for our own finances were extremely slender,
+consisting only of a small pension, allowed by his grace, upon whom
+the brothers were entirely dependent, the father having died suddenly,
+before suitable provision could be made for his younger children.
+
+"When I took leave of my relations, bidding adieu to my paternal home,
+and found myself launching into a world of care and trouble, though the
+voyage on which I embarked was altogether voluntary, and my companion
+the person on whom I doted to distraction,--I could not help feeling
+some melancholy sensations, which, however, in a little time, gave way
+to a train of more agreeable ideas. I was visited in town by almost
+all the women of fashion, many of whom, I perceived, envied me the
+possession of a man who had made strange havoc among their hearts, and
+some of them knew the value of his favour. One in particular endeavoured
+to cultivate my friendship with singular marks of regard; but I thought
+proper to discourage her advances, by keeping within the bounds of bare
+civility; and, indeed, to none of them was I lavish of my complaisance;
+for I dedicated my whole time to the object of my affection, who
+engrossed my wishes to such a degree, that, although I was never
+jealous, because I had no reason to be so, I envied the happiness of
+every woman whom he chanced at any time to hand into a coach.
+
+"The duchess of --, who was newly married to the earl of P--, a
+particular friend of Lord W--'s, carried me to court, and presented
+me to the queen, who expressed her approbation of my person in very
+particular terms, and, observing the satisfaction that appeared in
+my countenance, with marks of admiration, desired her ladies to take
+notice, how little happiness depended upon wealth, since there was more
+joy in my face than in all her court besides.
+
+"Such a declaration could not fail to overwhelm me with blushes, which
+her Majesty seemed to behold with pleasure; for she frequently repeated
+the remark, and showed me to all the foreigners of distinction, with
+many gracious expressions of favour. She wished Lord W-- happiness
+instead of joy, and was pleased to promise, that she would provide for
+her pretty beggars. And poor enough we certainly were in every article
+but love. Nevertheless, we felt no necessities, but passed the summer
+in a variety of pleasures and parties; the greatest part of which were
+planned by Lord W--'s sister and another lady, who was at that time
+mistress to the prime minister. The first was a wit, but homely in
+person; the other a woman of great beauty and masculine understanding;
+and a particular friendship subsisted between them, though they were
+both lovers of power and admiration.
+
+"This lady, who sat at the helm, was extremely elegant, as well
+as expensive in her diversions, in many of which we bore a share,
+particularly in her parties upon the water, which were contrived in all
+the magnificence of taste. In the course of these amusements, a trifling
+circumstance occurred, which I shall relate as an instance of that
+jealous sensibility which characterised Lord W--'s disposition. A large
+company of ladies and gentlemen having agreed to dine at Vauxhall, and
+sup at Marble-hall, where we proposed to conclude the evening with a
+dance, one barge being insufficient to contain the whole company, we
+were divided by lots; in consequence of which, my husband and I were
+parted. This separation was equally mortifying to us both, who, though
+married, were still lovers; and my chagrin increased when I perceived
+that I was doomed to sit by Sir W. Y--, a man of professed gallantry;
+for, although Lord W-- had, before his marriage, made his addresses to
+every woman he saw, I knew very well he did not desire that any person
+should make love to his wife.
+
+"That I might not, therefore, give umbrage, by talking to this gallant,
+I conversed with a Scotch nobleman, who, according to common report, had
+formerly sighed among my admirers. By these means, in seeking to avoid
+one error, I unwittingly plunged myself into a greater, and disobliged
+Lord W-- so much, that he could not conceal his displeasure; nay, so
+deeply was he offended at my conduct, that, in the evening, when the
+ball began, he would scarce deign to take me by the hand in the course
+of dancing, and darted such unkind looks, as pierced me to the very
+soul. What augmented my concern, was my ignorance of the trespass I had
+committed. I was tortured with a thousand uneasy reflections; I began to
+fear that I had mistaken his temper, and given my heart to a man who was
+tired of possession; though I resolved to bear without complaining the
+misfortune I had entailed upon myself.
+
+"I seized the first opportunity of speaking to him, and thereby
+discovered the cause of his chagrin; but, as there was no time for
+expostulation, the misunderstanding continued on his side, with such
+evident marks of uneasiness, that every individual of the company made
+up to me, and inquired about the cause of his disorder; so that I was
+fain to amuse their concern, by saying, that he had been ill the day
+before, and dancing did not agree with his constitution. So much was he
+incensed by this unhappy circumstance of my conduct, which was void of
+all intention to offend him, that he determined to be revenged on me
+for my indiscretion, and at supper, chancing to sit between two very
+handsome ladies, one of whom is lately dead, and the other, at present,
+my neighbour in the country, he affected an air of gaiety, and openly
+coquetted with them both.
+
+"This was not the only punishment he inflicted on his innocent wife. In
+the course of our entertainment, we engaged in some simple diversion,
+in consequence of which the gentlemen were ordered to salute the ladies;
+when Lord W--, in performing this command, unkindly neglected me in my
+turn; I had occasion for all my discretion and pride, to conceal
+from the company the agonies I felt at this mark of indifference and
+disrespect. However, I obtained the victory over myself, and pretended
+to laugh at his husband-like behaviour, while the tears stood in my eyes
+and my heart swelled even to bursting.
+
+"We broke up about five, after having spent the most tedious evening I
+had ever known; and this offended lover went to bed in a state of sullen
+silence and disgust. Whatever desire I had to come to an explanation, I
+thought myself so much aggrieved by his unreasonable prejudice, that
+I could not prevail upon myself to demand a conference, till after his
+first nap, when my pride giving way to my tenderness, I clasped him in
+my arms, though he pretended to discourage these advances of my love. I
+asked how he could be so unjust as to take umbrage at my civility to
+a man whom he knew I had refused for his sake; I chid him for his
+barbarous endeavours to awake my jealousy, and used such irresistible
+arguments in my own vindication, that he was convinced of my innocence,
+scaled my acquittal with a kind embrace, and we mutually enjoyed the
+soft transports of a fond reconciliation.
+
+"Never was passion more eager, delicate, or unreserved, than that which
+glowed within our breasts. Far from being cloyed with the possession of
+each other, our raptures seemed to increase with the term of our union.
+When we were separated, though but for a few hours, by the necessary
+avocations of life, we were unhappy during that brief separation, and
+met again like lovers, who knew no joy but in one another's presence.
+How many delicious evenings did we spend together, in our little
+apartment, after we had ordered the candles to be taken away, that we
+might enjoy the agreeable reflection of the moon in a fine summer's
+evening! Such a mild and solemn scene naturally disposes the mind to
+peace and benevolence; but when improved with conversation of the man
+one loves, it fills the imagination with ideas of ineffable delight! For
+my own part, I can safely say, my heart was so wholly engrossed by my
+husband, that I never took pleasure in any diversion where he was not
+personally concerned; nor was I ever guilty of one thought repugnant to
+my duty and my love.
+
+"In the autumn, we set out for the north, and were met on the road by
+the duke and twenty gentlemen, who conducted us to H--n, where we lived
+in all imaginable splendour. His grace, at that time, maintained above
+a hundred servants, with a band of music, which always performed at
+dinner, kept open table, and was visited by a great deal of company. The
+economy of his house was superintended by his eldest sister, a beautiful
+young lady of an amiable temper, with whom I soon contracted an intimate
+friendship. She and the duke used to rally me upon my fondness for Lord
+W--, who was a sort of humourist, and apt to be in a pet, in which
+case he would leave the company and go to bed by seven o'clock in the
+evening. On these occasions, I always disappeared, giving up every
+consideration to that of pleasing my husband, notwithstanding the
+ridicule of his relations, who taxed me with having spoiled him with
+too much indulgence. But how could I express too much tenderness and
+condescension for a man, who doted upon me to such excess, that,
+when business obliged him to leave me, he always snatched the first
+opportunity to return, and often rode through darkness, storms, and
+tempests to my arms?
+
+"Having stayed about seven months in this place, I found myself in a
+fair way of being a mother, and that I might be near my own relations
+in such an interesting situation, I and my dear companion departed
+from H--n, not without great reluctance; for I was fond of the Scots in
+general, who treated me with great hospitality and respect; and to this
+day, they paid me the compliment of saying, I was one of the best wives
+in that country which is so justly celebrated for good women.
+
+"Lord W-- having attended me to my father's house, was obliged to
+return to Scotland, to support his interest in being elected member of
+Parliament; so that he took his leave of me, with a full resolution of
+seeing me again before the time of my lying-in; and all the comfort
+I enjoyed in his absence, was the perusal of his letters, which I
+punctually received, together with those of his sister, who, from time
+to time, favoured me with assurances of his constancy and devotion.
+Indeed, these testimonials were necessary to one of my disposition; for
+I was none of those who could be contented with half a heart. I could
+not even spare one complacent look to any other woman, but expected
+the undivided homage of his love. Had I been disappointed in this
+expectation, I should, though a wife, have rebelled or died.
+
+"Meanwhile my parents treated me with great tenderness, intending that
+Lord W-- should be settled in a house of his own, and accommodated with
+my fortune, and his expectations from the queen were very sanguine, when
+I was taken ill, and delivered of a dead child, an event which affected
+me extremely. When I understood the extent of my misfortune, my heart
+throbbed with such violence, that my breast could scarce contain it;
+and my anxiety, being aggravated by the absence of my lord, produced a
+dangerous fever, of which he was no sooner apprised by letter, than he
+came post from Scotland; but, before his arrival, I was supposed to be
+in a fair way.
+
+"During this journey, he was tortured with all that terrible suspense
+which prevails in the minds of those who are in danger of losing that
+which is most dear to them; and, when he entered the house, was so much
+overwhelmed with apprehension, that he durst not inquire about the state
+of my health. As for my part, I never closed an eye from the time on
+which I expected his return; and, when I heard his voice, I threw open
+my curtains, and sat up in the bed to receive him, though at the hazard
+of my life. He ran towards me with all the eagerness of passion, and
+clasped me in his arms; he kneeled by the bedside, and kissed my hand
+a thousand times, and wept with transports of tenderness and joy.
+In short, this meeting was so pathetic as to overcome my enfeebled
+constitution, and we were parted by those who were wiser than ourselves,
+and saw that nothing was so proper for us as a little repose.
+
+"But how shall I relate the deplorable transition from envied happiness
+to excess of misery which I now sustained! My month was hardly up, when
+my dear husband was taken ill; perhaps the fatigue of body, as well as
+mind, which he had undergone on my account, occasioned a fatal ferment
+in his blood, and his health fell a sacrifice to his love. Physicians
+were called from London, but alas! they brought no hopes of his
+recovery. By their advice, he was removed to town, for the convenience
+of being punctually attended. Every moment was too precious to be thrown
+away; he was therefore immediately put into the coach, though the day
+was far spent; and I, though exceedingly weak, accompanied him in the
+journey, which was performed by the light of flambeaus, and rendered
+unspeakingly shocking by the dismal apprehension of losing him every
+moment.
+
+"At length, however, we arrived at our lodgings in Pall Mall, where I
+lay by him on the floor, and attended the issue of his distemper in all
+the agonies of horror and despair. In a little time his malady
+settled upon his brain, and, in his delirium, he uttered such dreadful
+exclamations, as were sufficient to pierce the most savage heart. What
+effect then must they have had on mine, which was fraught with every
+sentiment of the most melting affection! It was not a common grief that
+took possession of my soul; I felt all the aggravation of the most acute
+distress. I sometimes ran down the street in a fit of distraction: I
+sent for the doctors every minute: I wearied Heaven with my prayers;
+even now my heart aches at the remembrance of what I suffered, and I
+cannot, without trembling, proceed with the woeful story.
+
+"After having lain insensible some days, he recovered the use of speech,
+and called upon my name, which he had a thousand times repeated while he
+was bereft of reason. All hopes of his life were now relinquished, and
+I was led to his bedside to receive his last adieus, being directed to
+summon all my fortitude, and suppress my sorrow, that he might not be
+disturbed by my agitation. I collected all my resolution to support me
+in this affecting scene. I saw my dear lord in extremity. The beauties
+of his youth were all decayed; yet his eyes, though languid, retained
+unspeakable sweetness and expression. He felt his end approaching, put
+forth his hand, and, with a look full of complacency and benevolence,
+uttered such a tender tale--good Heaven! how had I deserved such
+accumulated affliction, the bare remembrance of which now melts me into
+tears? Human nature could not undergo my situation without suffering an
+ecstasy of grief. I clasped him in my arms, and kissed him a thousand
+times, with the most violent emotions of woe; but I was torn from his
+embrace, and in a little time he was ravished for ever from my view.
+
+"On that fatal morning, which put a period to his life, I saw the
+duchess of L-- approach my bed, and, from her appearance, concluded that
+he was no more; yet I begged she would not confirm the unhappy presage
+by announcing his death; and she accordingly preserved the most emphatic
+silence. I got up, and trod softly over his head, as if I had been
+afraid of interrupting his repose. Alas! he was no longer sensible of
+such disturbance. I was seized with a stupefaction of sorrow; I threw
+up the window and, looking around, thought the sun shone with the most
+dismal aspect; everything was solitary, cheerless, and replete with
+horror.
+
+"In this condition I was, by the direction of my friend, conveyed to
+her house, where my faculties were so overpowered by the load of anguish
+which oppressed me, that I know not what passed during the first days of
+my unhappy widowhood; this only I know, the kind duchess treated me with
+all imaginable care and compassion, and carried me to her country house,
+where I stayed some months; during which, she endeavoured to comfort
+me with all the amusements she could invent, and laid me under
+such obligations as shall never be erased from my remembrance. Yet,
+notwithstanding all her care and concern, I was, by my excess of grief,
+plunged into a languishing distemper, for which my physicians advised me
+to drink the Bath waters.
+
+"In compliance with this prescription, I went thither towards the end of
+summer, and found some benefit by adhering to their directions. Though
+I seldom went abroad, except when I visited my sister-in-law, who was
+there with the princess; and, upon these occasions, I never failed to
+attract the notice of the company, who were struck with the appearance
+of such a young creature in weeds. Nor was I free from the persecution
+of professed admirers; but, being dead to all joy, I was deaf to the
+voice of adulation.
+
+"About Christmas I repaired to my father's house, where my sorrows were
+revived by every object that recalled the idea of my dear lamented lord.
+But these melancholy reflections I was obliged to bear, because I had
+no other home or habitation, being left an unprovided widow, altogether
+dependent on the affection of my own family. During this winter, divers
+overtures were made to my father by people who demanded me in marriage;
+but my heart was not yet sufficiently weaned from my former passion to
+admit the thoughts of another master. Among those that presented their
+proposals was a certain young nobleman, who, upon the first news of Lord
+W--'s death, came post from Paris, in order to declare his passion. He
+made his first appearance in a hired chariot-and-six, accompanied by a
+big fat fellow, whom (as I afterwards learned) he had engaged to sound
+his praises, with a promise of a thousand pounds, in lieu of which he
+paid him forty. Whether it was with a view of screening himself from the
+cold, or of making a comfortable medium in case of being overturned, and
+falling under his weighty companion, I know not; but, certain it is, the
+carriage was stuffed with hay, in such a manner, that, when he arrived,
+the servants were at some pains in rummaging and removing it, before
+they could come at their master, or help him to alight. When he was
+lifted out of the chariot, he exhibited a very ludicrous figure to the
+view. He was a thin, meagre, shivering creature, of a low stature, with
+little black eyes, a long nose, sallow complexion, and pitted with
+the smallpox; dressed in a coat of light brown frieze, lined with
+pink-coloured shag, a monstrous solitaire and bag, and, if I remember
+right, a pair of huge jack-boots. In a word, his whole appearance was
+so little calculated for inspiring love, that I had, on the strength of
+seeing him once before at Oxford, set him down as the last man on earth
+whom I would choose to wed; and I will venture to affirm, that he was in
+every particular the reverse of my late husband.
+
+"As my father was not at home, he stayed but one evening, and left his
+errand with my mother, to whom he was as disagreeable as to myself; so
+that his proposal was absolutely rejected, and I heard no more of him
+during the space of three whole months, at the expiration of which I
+went to town, where this mortifying figure presented itself again, and
+renewed his suit, offering such advantageous terms of settlement, that
+my father began to relish the match, and warmly recommended it to my
+consideration.
+
+"Lord W--'s relations advised me to embrace the opportunity of making
+myself independent. All my acquaintance plied me with arguments to the
+same purpose. I was uneasy at home, and indifferent to all mankind. I
+weighed the motives with the objections, and with reluctance yielded to
+the importunity of my friends. In consequence of this determination,
+the little gentleman was permitted to visit me; and the manner of his
+address did not alter the opinion I had conceived of his character and
+understanding. I was even shocked at the prospect of marrying a man whom
+I could not love; and, in order to disburden my own conscience, took
+an opportunity of telling him, one evening, as we sat opposite to
+each other, that it was not in my power to command my affection, and
+therefore he could not expect the possession of my heart, Lord W--'s
+indulgence having spoiled me for a wife; nevertheless, I would endeavour
+to contract a friendship for him, which would entirely depend upon his
+own behaviour.
+
+"To this declaration he replied, to my great surprise, that he did
+not desire me to love him; my friendship was sufficient; and next
+day repeated this strange instance of moderation in a letter, which I
+communicated to my sister, who laughed heartily at the contents, and
+persuaded me, that since I could love no man, he was the properest
+person to be my husband.
+
+"Accordingly, the wedding clothes and equipage being prepared, the
+day--the fatal day--was fixed; on the morning of which I went to the
+house of my brother-in-law, duke H--, who loved me tenderly, and took my
+leave of the family, a family which I shall always remember with love,
+honour, and esteem. His grace received me in the most affectionate
+manner, saying at parting, 'Lady W--, if he does not use you well, I
+will take you back again.'"
+
+"The bridegroom and I met at Ox-- Chapel, where the ceremony was
+performed by the bishop of W--, in presence of his lordship's mother, my
+father, and another lady. The nuptial knot being tied, we set out for
+my father's house in the country, and proceeded full twenty miles on
+our journey before my lord opened his mouth, my thoughts having been all
+that time employed on something quite foreign to my present situation;
+for I was then but a giddy girl of eighteen. At length my father broke
+silence, and clapping his lordship on the shoulder, told him he was but
+a dull bridegroom; upon which my lord gave him to understand that he was
+out of spirits. This dejection continued all the day, notwithstanding
+the refreshment of a plentiful dinner which he ate upon the road; and
+in the evening we arrived at the place of our destination, where we were
+kindly received by my mother, though she had no liking to the match;
+and, after supper, we retired to our apartment.
+
+"It was here that I had occasion to perceive the most disagreeable
+contrast between my present helpmate and my former lord. Instead of
+flying to my arms with all the eagerness of love and rapture, this manly
+representative sat moping in a corner, like a criminal on execution day,
+and owned he was ashamed to bed with a woman whose hand he had scarce
+ever touched.
+
+"I could not help being affected with this pusillanimous behaviour. I
+remembered Lord W--, while I surveyed the object before me, and made
+such a comparison as filled me with horror and disgust: nay, to such a
+degree did my aversion to this phantom prevail, that I began to sweat
+with anguish at the thought of being subjected to his pleasure; and
+when, after a long hesitation, he ventured to approach me, I trembled
+as if I had been exposed to the embraces of a rattlesnake. Nor did the
+efforts of his love diminish this antipathy. His attempts were like
+the pawings of an imp, sent from hell to seize and torment some guilty
+wretch, such as are exhibited in some dramatic performance, which I have
+never seen acted without remembering my wedding-night. By such shadowy,
+unsubstantial, vexatious behaviour was I tantalized, and robbed of my
+repose; and early next morning I got up, with a most sovereign contempt
+for my bedfellow, who indulged himself in bed till eleven.
+
+"Having passed a few days in this place, I went home with him to his
+house at Twickenham, and soon after we were presented at court, when the
+queen was pleased to say to my lord's mother, she did not doubt that
+we should be a happy couple, for I had been a good wife to my former
+husband.
+
+"Whatever deficiencies I had to complain of in my new spouse, he was
+not wanting in point of liberality. I was presented with a very fine
+chariot, studded with silver nails, and such a profusion of jewels as
+furnished a joke to some of my acquaintance, who observed, that I
+was formerly queen of hearts, but now metamorphosed into the queen of
+diamonds. I now also had an opportunity, which I did not let slip, of
+paying Lord W--'s debts from my privy purse; and on that score received
+the thanks of his elder brother, who, though he had undertaken to
+discharge them, delayed the execution of his purpose longer than I
+thought they should remain unpaid. This uncommon splendour attracted the
+eyes and envy of my competitors, who were the more implacable in their
+resentments, because, notwithstanding my marriage, I was as much as
+ever followed by the men of gallantry and pleasure, among whom it is
+a constant maxim, that a woman never withholds her affections from her
+husband, without an intention to bestow them somewhere else. I never
+appeared without a train of admirers, and my house in the country was
+always crowded with gay young men of quality.
+
+"Among those who cultivated my good graces with the greatest skill and
+assiduity, were the Earl C-- and Mr. S---, brother to Lord F--. The
+former of whom, in the course of his addresses, treated me with an
+entertainment of surprising magnificence, disposed into a dinner,
+supper, and ball, to which I, at his desire, invited eleven ladies, whom
+he paired with the like number of his own sex; so that the whole company
+amounted to twenty-four. We were regaled with a most elegant dinner, in
+an apartment which was altogether superb, and served by gentlemen
+only, no livery servant being permitted to come within the door. In the
+afternoon we embarked in two splendid barges, being attended by a band
+of music in a third; and enjoyed a delightful evening upon the river
+till the twilight, when we returned and began the ball, which was
+conducted with such order and taste, that mirth and good-humour
+prevailed. No dissatisfaction appeared, except in the countenance of one
+old maid, since married to a son of the duke of --, who though she would
+not refuse to partake of such an agreeable entertainment, was displeased
+that I should have the honour of inviting her. O baleful Envy! thou
+self-tormenting fiend! how dost thou predominate in all assemblies, from
+the grand gala of a court, to the meeting of simple peasants at their
+harvest-home! Nor is the prevalence of this sordid passion to be
+wondered at, if we consider the weakness, pride, and vanity of our sex.
+The presence of one favourite man shall poison the enjoyment of a whole
+company, and produce the most rancorous enmity betwixt the closest
+friends.
+
+"I danced with the master of the ball, who employed all the artillery of
+his eloquence in making love; yet I did not listen to his addresses, for
+he was not to my taste, though he possessed an agreeable person, and a
+good acquired understanding; but he was utterly ignorant of that gentle
+prevailing art which I afterwards experienced in Mr. S---, and which was
+the only method he could have successfully practised in seducing a young
+woman like me, born with sentiments of honour, and trained up in the
+paths of religion and virtue. This young gentleman was indeed absolutely
+master of those insinuating qualifications which few women of passion
+and sensibility can resist; and had a person every way adapted for
+profiting by these insidious talents. He was well acquainted with the
+human heart, conscious of his own power and capacity, and exercised
+these endowments with unwearied perseverance. He was tall and thin, of a
+shape and size perfectly agreeable to my taste, with large blue eloquent
+eyes, good teeth, and a long head turned to gallantry. His behaviour was
+the standard of politeness, and all his advances were conducted with the
+most profound respect; which is the most effectual expedient a man can
+use against us, if he can find means to persuade us that it proceeds
+from the excess and delicacy of his passion. It is no other than
+a silent compliment, by which our accomplishments are continually
+flattered and pleases in proportion to the supposed understanding of
+him who pays it.
+
+"By these arts and advantages this consummate politician in love
+began by degrees to sap the foundation of my conjugal faith: he stole
+imperceptibly into my affection, and by dint of opportunity, which he
+well knew how to improve, triumphed at last over all his rivals.
+
+"Nor was he the only person that disputed my heart with Earl C--. That
+nobleman was also rivalled by Lord C. H--, a Scotchman, who had been an
+intimate and relation of my former husband. Him I would have preferred
+to most of his competitors, and actually coquetted with him for some
+time: but the amour was interrupted by his going to Ireland; upon which
+occasion, understanding that he was but indifferently provided with
+money, I made him a present of a gold snuff-box, in which was enclosed
+a bank-note; a trifling mark of my esteem, which he afterwards justified
+by the most grateful, friendly, and genteel behaviour; and as we
+corresponded by letters, I frankly told him, that Mr. S--- had stepped
+in, and won the palm from all the rest of my admirers.
+
+"This new favourite's mother and sister, who lived in the neighbourhood,
+were my constant companions; and, in consequence of this intimacy, he
+never let a day pass without paying his respects to me in person; nay,
+so ingenious was he in contriving the means of promoting his suit, that
+whether I rode or walked, went abroad or stayed at home, he was always
+of course one of the party; so that his design seemed to engross his
+whole vigilance and attention. Thus he studied my disposition, and
+established himself in my good opinion at the same time. He found my
+heart was susceptible of every tender impression, and saw that I was not
+free from the vanity of youth; he had already acquired my friendship
+and esteem, from which he knew there was a short and easy transition to
+love. By his penetration choosing proper seasons for the theme, he urged
+it with such pathetic vows and artful adulation, as well might captivate
+a young woman of my complexion and experience, and circumstanced as I
+was, with a husband whom I had such reason to despise.
+
+"Though he thus made an insensible progress in my heart, he did not find
+my virtue an easy conquest; and I myself was ignorant of the advantage
+he had gained with regard to my inclinations, until I was convinced of
+his success by an alarm of jealousy which I one day felt, at seeing him
+engaged in conversation with another lady. I forthwith recognized this
+symptom of love, with which I had been formerly acquainted, and trembled
+at the discovery of my own weakness. I underwent a strange agitation
+and mixture of contrary sensations. I was pleased with the passion,
+yet ashamed of avowing it even to my own mind. The rights of a husband,
+though mine was but a nominal one, occurred to my reflection, and
+virtue, modesty, and honour, forbade me to cherish the guilty flame.
+
+"When I encouraged these laudable scruples, and resolved to sacrifice
+my love to duty and reputation, my lord was almost every day employed
+in riding post to my father, with complaints of my conduct, which
+was hitherto irreproachable; though the greatest grievance which he
+pretended to have suffered was my refusing to comply with his desire,
+when he entreated me to lie, a whole hour every morning, with my neck
+uncovered, that, by gazing, he might quiet the perturbation of his
+spirits. From this request you may judge of the man, as well as of the
+regard I must entertain for his character and disposition.
+
+"During the whole summer I was besieged by my artful undoer, and in the
+autumn set out with my lord for Bath, where, by reason of the intimacy
+that subsisted between our families, we lived in the same house with
+my lover and his sister, who, with another agreeable young lady,
+accompanied us in this expedition. By this time Mr. S-- had extorted
+from me a confession of a mutual flame, though I assured him that
+it should never induce me to give up the valuable possession of an
+unspotted character, and a conscience void of offence. I offered him
+all the enjoyment he could reap from an unreserved intercourse of souls,
+abstracted from any sensual consideration. He eagerly embraced the
+platonic proposal, because he had sagacity enough to foresee the issue
+of such chimerical contracts, and knew me too well to think he could
+accomplish his purpose without seeming to acquiesce in my own terms, and
+cultivating my tenderness under the specious pretext.
+
+"In consequence of this agreement, we took all opportunities of seeing
+each other in private; and these interviews were spent in mutual
+protestations of disinterested love. This correspondence, though
+dangerous, was, on my side, equally innocent and endearing; and many
+happy hours we passed, before my sentiments were discovered. At length
+my lover was taken ill, and then my passion burst out beyond the
+power of concealment; my grief and anxiety became so conspicuous in my
+countenance, and my behaviour was so indiscreet, that everybody in the
+house perceived the situation of my thoughts, and blamed my conduct
+accordingly.
+
+"Certain it is, I was extremely imprudent, though intentionally
+innocent. I have lain whole nights by my lord, who teased and tormented
+me for that which neither I could give nor he could take, and ruminated
+on the fatal consequences of this unhappy flame, until I was worked into
+a fever of disquiet. I saw there was no safety but in flight, and often
+determined to banish myself for ever from the sight of this dangerous
+intruder. But my resolution always failed at the approach of day, and
+my desire of seeing him as constantly recurred. So far was I from
+persisting in such commendable determinations, that, on the eve of
+our departure from Bath, I felt the keenest pangs of sorrow at
+our approaching separation; and, as we could not enjoy our private
+interviews at my house in town, I promised to visit him at his own
+apartments, after he had sworn by all that's sacred, that he would
+take no sinister advantage of my condescension, by presuming upon the
+opportunities I should give.
+
+"He kept his word, for he saw I trusted to it with fear and trembling,
+and perceived that my apprehension was not affected, but the natural
+concern of a young creature, distracted between love and duty, whom, had
+he alarmed, he would never had seen within his doors again. Instead of
+pressing me with solicitations in favour of his passion, he was more
+than ever respectful and complaisant; so that I found myself disengaged
+of all restraint, conducted the conversation, shortened and repeated my
+visits at my own pleasure, till at last I became so accustomed to this
+communication, that his house was as familiar to me as my own.
+
+"Having in this manner secured himself in my confidence, he resumed the
+favourite topic of love, and, warming my imagination by gradual advances
+on the subject, my heart began to pant; when he saw me thus moved, he
+snatched the favourable occasion to practise all his eloquence and art.
+I could not resist his energy nor even fly from the temptation that
+assailed me, until he had obtained a promise that he should, at our
+next meeting, reap the fruits of his tedious expectation. Upon this
+condition, I was permitted to retire, and blessed heaven for my escape,
+fully determined to continue in the path of virtue I had hitherto trod,
+and stifle the criminal flame by which my peace and reputation were
+endangered. But his idea, which reigned in my heart without control,
+soon baffled all these prudent suggestions.
+
+"I saw him again; and he reminded me of my promise, which I endeavoured
+to evade with affected pleasantry, upon which he manifested the utmost
+displeasure and chagrin, shedding some crocodile tears, and upbraided
+me with levity and indifference. He observed, that he had solicited my
+favour for ten long months without intermission, and imagined I had held
+out so long on virtuous motives only; but now he could plainly perceive
+that his want of success had been owing to my want of affection, and
+that all my professions were insincere. In a word, he persuaded me
+that his remonstrances were just and reasonable. I could not see the
+affliction of a man I loved, when I knew it was in my power to remove
+it; and, rather than forfeit his opinion of my sincerity and love, I
+consented to his wish. My heart now flutters at the remembrance of the
+dear though fatal indiscretion; yet I reflect without remorse, and even
+remember it with pleasure.
+
+"If I could not avoid the censure of the world, I was resolved to bear
+it without repining; and sure the guilt, if there was any in my conduct,
+was but venial; for I considered myself as a person absolved of all
+matrimonial ties, by the insignificance of Lord ----, who, though a
+nominal husband, was in fact a mere nonentity. I therefore contracted
+a new engagement with my lover, to which I resolved to adhere with the
+most scrupulous fidelity, without the least intention of injuring my
+lord or his relations; for, had our mutual passion produced any visible
+effects, I would immediately have renounced and abandoned my husband for
+ever, that the fruit of my love for Mr. S-- might not have inherited,
+to the detriment of the right heir. This was my determination, which
+I thought just, if not prudent; and for which I have incurred the
+imputation of folly, in the opinion of this wise and honest generation,
+by whose example and advice I have, since that time, been a little
+reformed in point of prudentials, though I still retain a strong
+tendency to return to my primitive way of thinking.
+
+"When I quitted Mr. S--, after the sacrifice I had made, and returned to
+my own bed, it may, perhaps, be supposed that I slept but little. True:
+I was kept awake by the joyful impatience of revisiting my lover. Indeed
+I neglected no opportunity of flying to his arms. When Lord -- was in
+the country, we enjoyed each other's company without interruption;
+but when he resided in town, our correspondence was limited to stolen
+interviews, which were unspeakably delicious, as genuine love presided
+at the entertainment.
+
+"Such was my happiness in the course of this tender communication, that
+to this day I remember it with pleasure, though it has cost me dear in
+the sequel, and was at that time enjoyed at a considerable expense; for
+I devoted myself so entirely to my lover, who was desirous of engrossing
+my time and thoughts, that my acquaintance, which was very numerous,
+justly accused me of neglect, and of consequence cooled in their
+friendships; but I was 'all for love, or the world well lost;' and were
+the same opportunity to offer, I would act the same conduct over again.
+
+"Some there are who possibly may wonder how I could love twice with such
+violence of affection. But all such observers must be unacquainted with
+the human heart. Mine was naturally adapted for the tender passions, and
+had been so fortunate, so cherished in its first impressions, that it
+felt with joy the same sensations revive, when influenced by the same
+engaging qualifications. Certain it is, I loved the second time as well
+as the first, and better was impossible. I gave up my all for both:
+fortune and my father's favour for the one; reputation, friends, and
+fortune for the other. Yet, notwithstanding this intimate connection,
+I did not relinquish the world all at once; on the contrary, I still
+appeared at court, and attracted the notice and approbation of my royal
+patroness; I danced with the P-- of W--; a circumstance which so nearly
+affected Mr. S--, who was present, that, in order to manifest his
+resentment, he chose the ugliest woman in the ball for his partner; and
+I no sooner perceived his uneasiness, than I gave over, with a view of
+appeasing his displeasure.
+
+"Without repeating particular circumstances, let it suffice to say, our
+mutual passion was a perfect copy of that which had subsisted between
+me and my dear Lord W--. It was jealous, melting and delicate, and
+chequered with little accident, which serve to animate and maintain
+the flame, in its first ardency of rapture. When my lover was sick,
+I attended and nursed him with indefatigable tenderness and care; and
+during an indisposition, which I caught in the performance of this
+agreeable office, he discharged the obligation with all the warmth of
+sympathy and love.
+
+"It was, however, judged necessary by the physicians, that I should use
+the Bath waters for the recovery of my health; and I set out for that
+place, glad of a pretence to be absent from Lord ----, with whom I lived
+on very unhappy terms. He had, about nine months after our marriage,
+desired that we might sleep in separate beds, and gave a very whimsical
+reason for this proposal. He said, the immensity of his love deprived
+him of the power of gratification, and that some commerce with an
+object, to which his heart was not attached, might, by diminishing the
+transports of his spirits, recompose his nerves, and enable him to enjoy
+the fruits of his good fortune.
+
+"You may be sure I made no objection to this plan, which was immediately
+put into execution. He made his addresses to a nymph of Drury Lane,
+whose name, as he told me, was Mrs. Rock. She made shift to extract some
+money from her patient; but his infirmity was beyond the power of her
+art, though she made some mischief between us; and I communicated my
+suspicion to the duke of H--, who intended to have expostulated with her
+upon the subject; but she got intimation of his design, and saved him
+the trouble by a precipitate retreat.
+
+"After my return from Bath, where Mr. S-- and I had lived happily, until
+we were interrupted by the arrival of my husband, his lordship expressed
+an inclination to be my bedfellow again. In this particular I desired to
+be excused. I would not be the first to propose the separation, which,
+though usual in other countries, is contrary to the custom of England,
+being unwilling to furnish the least handle for censure, as my character
+was still unblemished; yet, when the proposal came from him, I thought
+myself entitled to refuse a reunion; to which I accordingly objected.
+
+"This opposition produced a quarrel, which rose to a state of perpetual
+animosity; so that we began to talk of parting. My lord relished the
+expedient, agreeing to add three hundred pounds a year to my pin-money,
+which, by the bye, was never paid; and I renounced all state and
+grandeur, to live in a small house that I hired at Carshalton, where I
+passed my time for two months, in the most agreeable retirement, with my
+dear lover. At length I was disturbed by the intrusion of my lord, who
+molested me with visits and solicitations to return, pretending that he
+had changed his mind, and insisting upon my compliance with his desire.
+
+"I exhausted my invention in endeavours to evade his request; but he
+persecuted me without ceasing. So that I was fain to capitulate, on
+condition that he should immediately set out for France; and that he
+should not presume to approach my bed till our arrival at Calais. We
+accordingly departed for that kingdom; and, far from infringing the
+least article of our treaty, his lordship did not insist upon his
+privilege before we reached the capital of France.
+
+"Meanwhile, I began to feel the effect of my passion in a very
+interesting manner, and communicated my discovery to the dear author of
+it, who would not leave me in such an affecting situation, but took the
+first opportunity of following us to France.
+
+"In our road to Paris, we stopped to visit Chantilly, a magnificent
+chateau belonging to the prince of Conde, and there met by accident with
+some English noblemen, to whom I was known. The prince and his
+sisters invited me very politely into the gallery where they sat. They
+complimented me on my person, and seemed to admire my dress, which was
+altogether new to them, being a blue English riding-habit, trimmed with
+gold, and a hat with a feather. They were particularly well pleased with
+my hair which hung down to my waist, and pressed me to stay a fortnight
+at their house; an invitation which I was very much mortified at
+being obliged to refuse, because my lord did not understand the French
+language. I was enchanted with the place and the company, the women
+being amiable, and the men polite; nor were they strangers to my name
+and story; for Mr. S-- calling at the same place a few days after, they
+rallied him on my account.
+
+"When we arrived at Paris, the first thing I did was to metamorphose
+myself into a Frenchwoman. I cut off my hair, hid a very good complexion
+of my own with rouge, reconciled myself to powder, which I had never
+used before, put on a robe with a large hoop, and went to the Tuileries,
+full of spirits and joy; for, at that time, everything conspired to make
+me happy. I had health, youth, and beauty, love, vanity, and affluence,
+and found myself surrounded with diversions which were gay, new, and
+agreeable. My appearance drew upon me the eyes of the whole company,
+who considered me a stranger, but not a foreigner, so completely was I
+equipped in the fashion of the French; and when they understood who I
+was, they applauded my person with the most lavish encomiums, according
+to their known politeness.
+
+"After having made a circuit round all the public places of
+entertainment in Paris, I was introduced into the company by an English
+family, residing in that city; and, among others, became acquainted with
+a French lady, whose charms were remarkably attractive. The duke of K--
+was her admirer; but she lived in reputation with her mother, and an
+agreeable sister, whose lover was the prince of C--, for almost every
+lady in France has her aimant.
+
+"With this charming woman, whose name was Madame de la T--, I often made
+parties of pleasure. The duke, Mr. S--, she, and I, used to meet in the
+Bois de Boulogne, which is a pleasant wood, at a small distance from
+Paris, whither the company repairs in the summer season for the benefit
+of the air; and, after having amused ourselves among the groves,
+embarked in his grace's equipage, which was extremely elegant, being a
+calash drawn by six fine long-tailed greys, adorned with ribbons, in the
+French taste; and thus we were conducted to a little enchanted, or at
+least enchanting, palace, possessed by the duke, at one end of the town.
+The lower apartment, appropriated to me, was furnished with yellow and
+silver, the bed surrounded with looking-glasses, and the door opened
+into the garden, laid out in a cradle walk, and intervening parterres of
+roses and other flowers. Above-stairs, my female companion lodged in
+a chamber furnished with chintz. We supped all together in the saloon,
+which, though small, was perfectly elegant. The company was always
+good-humoured, the conversation sprightly and joyous, and the scene,
+though often repeated, still delightful and entertaining.
+
+"At other times, Mr. S-- and I used to pass our evenings at the palace
+of the prince of C--, which his highness lent us for our accommodation.
+The apartments opened into the gardens of the Luxembourg, and were, in
+point of magnificence, suitable to the owner. Thither I used to repair
+in a flaming equipage, on pretence of visiting, and spent the best part
+of the night with him who was dearer to me than all the princes in the
+world.
+
+"While I was happily engaged in these ravishing parties, my little lord
+was employed in his efforts to recover his health by restoratives, and
+I know not what; for he still lamented the enfeebling effects of his
+passion, and complained that he loved me more like an angel than a
+woman, though he strove to govern his affections according to the
+doctrines of the Christian religion, as he regulated his life by the
+maxims of Charles the Twelfth of Sweden. The meaning of this declaration
+I could never learn; and, indeed, I have been often tempted to believe
+he had no meaning at all.
+
+"Be that as it will, I found my size visibly increasing, and my
+situation extremely uneasy, on account of the perpetual wrangling which
+prevailed between us, in consequence of his desiring to sleep with me
+again, after we had parted beds for the second time; and, that I might
+no longer be exposed to such disagreeable persecutions, I resolved to
+leave him, though at the hazard of my life.
+
+"Thus determined, I went to the British ambassador, in a hackney-coach;
+and, in order to disguise my youth, which might have prepossessed him
+against my judgment, muffled myself up in a black hood, which, as he
+said, instead of lending an air of gravity to my countenance, added a
+wildness to my looks, which was far from being disagreeable. He had
+been a gallant man in his youth, and even then, though well stricken
+in years, was not insensible to the power of beauty. This disposition,
+perhaps, rendered him more favourable to my cause, though he first
+advised me to return to my husband; but finding me obstinate, he
+undertook to serve me in my own way, and procured a protection from the
+French king, by virtue of which I could live at Paris unmolested by my
+lord. Nevertheless, he advised me, if I was determined to leave him, to
+make the best of my way to England and sue for a divorce. I relished his
+opinion, and concealed myself about three days in Paris, during which I
+borrowed some linen; for, as it was impossible to convey anything out
+of my own house without suspicion, I had neither clothes for my
+accommodation, nor a servant to wait on me.
+
+"In this solitary condition, I took the road to Flanders, after I had
+put my lord upon a wrong scent, by writing a letter to him, dated at
+Calais, and travelled through an unknown country, without any other
+attendant than the postillion, being subjected to this inconvenience by
+the laws of France, which are so severe in some particulars, that, if
+any person had been apprehended with me, he would have suffered death
+for going off with a man's wife; though any man might go to bed with
+that same woman, without fear of incurring any legal punishment.
+
+"I proceeded night and day without intermission, that I might the sooner
+reach Flanders, where I knew I should be safe; and as the nights were
+excessively cold, I was fain to wrap myself up in flannel, which
+I bought for the purpose, as I had no clothes to keep me warm, and
+travelled in an open chaise. While we passed through dreary woods, quite
+remote from the habitations of men, I was not without apprehension of
+being stripped and murdered by the postillion; and, in all probability,
+owed my safety to the indigence of my appearance, which might also
+protect me in two miserable places, where I was obliged to lie, before
+I got out of the territories of France; for, as I could not reach the
+great towns where I intended to lodge, I was under the necessity of
+putting up at little wretched hovels, where no provision was to be had,
+but sour brown bread, and sourer cheese; and everything seemed to denote
+the dens of despair and assassination.
+
+"I made shift, however, to subsist on this fare, uncomfortable as it
+was, confiding on the meanness of my equipage for the security of my
+person; and at length arriving at Brussels, fixed my quarters in the
+Hotel de Flandre (so well known to the English since), where I thought
+myself extremely happy in the accomplishment of my flight.
+
+"I had not been two full days in this place, when I was blessed with the
+sight of my lover, who followed me on the wings of love, in pursuance
+of the plan we had projected before my departure from Paris. Here
+we concerted measures for proceeding to England. I hired a tall fine
+Liegeoise for my maid, and setting out for Ostend, we embarked in a
+vessel, in which Mr. S-- had bespoke our passage. Our voyage was short
+and prosperous, and our time most agreeably spent in the company of my
+dear partner, who was a most engaging man in all respects, as I dare say
+my Lady C-- has since found him.
+
+"I assumed a fictitious name, took private lodgings in Poland-street,
+retained lawyers, and commenced a suit for separation against my lord.
+I communicated the reasons of my elopement to my father, who was shocked
+and surprised at my conduct, which he condemned with expressions of
+sorrow and resentment. But the step was taken; nor did I repent of what
+I had done, except on his account.
+
+"In the morning after my arrival at London, I waited upon the lord chief
+justice, to whom I complained of the usage I had received from my lord,
+whose temper was teasing, tiresome, and intolerably capricious. Indeed,
+his behaviour was a strange compound of madness and folly, seasoned
+with a small proportion of sense. No wonder then, that I, who am hot
+and hasty, should be wretched, under the persecution of such a perverse
+humourist, who used to terrify me, and scold at me the whole night
+without intermission, and shake my pillow from time to time, that
+I might not sleep, while he tormented me with his disagreeable
+expostulations. I have been often frightened almost out of my senses, at
+seeing him convulsed with the most unreasonable passion; and chagrined
+to the highest degree of disgust, to find, by repeated observation, his
+disposition so preposterous, that his satisfaction and displeasure never
+depended upon the cause he had to be satisfied or disobliged; but, on
+the contrary, when he had most reason to be pleased, he was always most
+discontented, and very often in good-humour when he had reason enough
+for vexation.
+
+"While I lived in Poland-street, I was engaged with lawyers, and so
+often visited by my father, that I could not dedicate my whole time as
+usual to my lover; nor was it convenient that he should be seen in my
+company: he therefore took a small house at Camberwell, whither I went
+as often as I had an opportunity; and maintained the correspondence with
+such eagerness and industry, that, although I was six months gone
+with child, I have often, by myself, set out for his habitation, in a
+hackney-coach, at eleven o'clock at night, and returned by six in the
+morning, that I might be in my own bed when my father came to see
+me; for I concealed my amour, as well as the effects of it, from his
+knowledge, and frequently took water from the bridge, that my motions
+might not be discovered. Nothing but the most passionate love could have
+supported my spirits under such vicissitudes of fatigue, or enabled my
+admirer to spend whole days by himself in such a solitary retirement.
+
+"By this time, my lord was arrived in England, and employed in
+discovering the place of my retreat; so that I lived in continual alarm,
+and provided myself with a speaking-trumpet, which stood by my bedside,
+to be used in calling for assistance, in case my pursuer should make an
+attack upon my lodgings.
+
+"This situation being extremely uncomfortable, I had no sooner begun my
+process against him, than I put myself entirely under the protection of
+Mr. S--, who conducted me to the house of a friend of his who lived in
+the country, where I was secure from the attempts of my husband. The
+world had now given me up, and I had renounced the world with the most
+perfect resignation. I weighed in my breast what I should lose in point
+of character, with what I suffered in my peace at home, and found,
+that my reputation was not to be preserved, except at the expense of
+my quiet, for his lordship was not disposed to make me easy, had I been
+ever so discreet. I therefore determined to give up a few ceremonial
+visits, and empty professions, for the more substantial enjoyments of
+life.
+
+"We passed our time very agreeably in various amusements with this
+friend of Mr. S--, until the term of my reckoning was almost expired,
+then returned to London, and took lodgings in Southampton-street, where
+I began to make the preparations for the approaching occasion. Here I
+proposed to live with the utmost circumspection. I disguised my name,
+saw nobody but my lawyer and lover, and never approached the window lest
+I should be discovered by accident. Notwithstanding these precautions,
+my French maid, whom I had sent for some of my clothes, was dogged in
+her return, and next morning my lord took my lodgings by storm. Had he
+given the assault in his person only, I make no doubt but he would have
+suffered a repulse from the opposition of the Liegeoise, who made all
+the resistance in her power; but was obliged to give way to superior
+numbers. I was at that time abed, and hearing an unusual noise below,
+rang my bell, in order to know the cause of such disturbance. I drew my
+curtain at the same time, and who should I see entering my chamber
+but his lordship, attended by a constable, and the footman who had
+discovered my retreat!
+
+"Such an unexpected visit could not fail to affect me with surprise
+and consternation. However, I summoned all my fortitude to my aid, and
+perceiving the fellows were about to open my window-shutters, desired
+their principal to order them down-stairs. He readily complied with my
+request, and sitting down by my bedside, told me with an air of triumph,
+that he had found me at last; and I frankly owned, that I was heartily
+sorry for his success. Instead of upbraiding me with my escape, he
+proceeded to entertain me with all the news in town, and gave me a
+minute detail of everything that happened to him since our parting;
+among other articles of intelligence, giving me to understand, that he
+had challenged Mr. S--, who refused to fight him, and was in disgrace
+with the prince of W-- on that account.
+
+"But here his lordship did not strictly adhere to the naked truth. He
+had indeed, before our departure from the country, gone to my lover, and
+insisted upon having satisfaction in Hyde Park, two days from the date
+of his demand, and at three o'clock in the afternoon; S--, believing
+him in earnest, accepted the invitation; though he observed, that these
+affairs could not be discussed too soon, and wished the time of meeting
+might be an earlier hour. But his lordship did not choose to alter the
+circumstances of his first proposal; and, when he went away, said he
+should expect him at the appointed place and time, if it did not rain.
+
+"His antagonist gave me an account of the conversation, when I assured
+him the whole business would end in smoke. Accordingly, my lord sent him
+a letter on Monday, desiring that the assignation might be deferred till
+Thursday, that he might have time to settle his affairs, and pay S--
+a hundred pounds, which he had formerly borrowed of him. When Thursday
+came, he was favoured with another epistle, importing that the
+challenger had changed his mind, and would seek satisfaction at law.
+Thus ended that heroic exploit, which his lordship now boasted of with
+such arrogant misrepresentation.
+
+"While he thus regaled me with these interesting particulars, I was
+contriving a scheme to frustrate the discovery he had made; so that I
+did not contradict his assertions, but told him, that, if he would go
+down-stairs, I would rise and come to breakfast. He consented to this
+proposal with great cheerfulness; and I own I was not a little surprised
+to find him, at this first interview, in as good a humour as if nothing
+had happened to interrupt the felicity of our matrimonial union.
+
+"It cost me some invention to conceal my condition from his notice,
+being now within a week of the expected crisis. But I knew I had to
+do with a man of no great penetration, and succeeded in my attempt
+accordingly. We breakfasted with great harmony, and I invited him to
+dinner, after having prevailed upon him to send away his myrmidons,
+whom, nevertheless, he ordered to return at eleven o'clock at night. We
+conversed together with great gaiety and mirth. When I rallied him for
+visiting me in such a dishabille, he stood on tiptoe to view himself in
+the glass; and, owning I was in the right, said he would go and dress
+himself before dinner. He accordingly went away, charging my maid to
+give him entrance at his return; and he was no sooner gone than I wrote
+to Mr. S--, giving him an account of what had happened. Then, without
+having determined on any certain plan, I huddled on my clothes, muffled
+myself up, and calling a chair, went to the next tavern, where I
+stayed no longer than was sufficient to change my vehicle; and, to the
+astonishment of the drawers, who could not conceive the meaning of
+my perturbation, proceeded to a shop in the neighbourhood, where I
+dismissed my second chair, and procured a hackney-coach, in which I
+repaired to the lodgings of my lawyer, whom I could trust. Having made
+him acquainted with the circumstances of my distress, and consulted him
+about a proper place of retreat, after some recollection, he directed me
+to a little house in a court, to which, by the assistance of my lover,
+my woman and clothes were safely conveyed that same evening.
+
+"My lord, however, came to dinner, according to invitation, and did not
+seem at all alarmed when my maid told him I was gone, but stepped to my
+lawyer to know if he thought I should return. Upon his answering in the
+affirmative, and advising his lordship to go back in the meantime, and
+eat the dinner I had provided, he very deliberately took his advice,
+made a very hearty meal, drank his bottle of wine, and, as I did not
+return according to his expectation, withdrew in order to consult his
+associates. This motion of his furnished my woman with an opportunity of
+making her retreat; and, when he returned at night, the coast was clear,
+and he found nobody in the house, but a porter, who had been left to
+take care of the furniture. He was so enraged at this disappointment,
+that he made a furious noise, which raised the whole neighbourhood,
+reinforced his crew with the authority of a justice of the peace,
+tarried in the street till three o'clock in the morning, discharged a
+lodging he had hired at a barber's shop opposite to the house from which
+I had escaped, and retired with the comfortable reflection of having
+done everything which a man could do to retrieve me.
+
+"The hurry of spirits and surprise I had undergone in effecting this
+retreat, produced such a disorder in my constitution, that I began
+to fear I should be delivered before I could be provided with the
+necessaries for the occasion. I signified my apprehension to Mr.
+S--, who, with infinite care and concern, endeavoured to find a more
+convenient place; and, after all his inquiries, was obliged to fix upon
+a paltry apartment in the city, though his tenderness was extremely
+shocked at the necessity of choosing it. However, there was no remedy,
+nor time to be lost, To this miserable habitation I was carried in a
+hackney-coach; and, though extremely ill, bore my fate with spirit and
+resignation, in testimony of my sincere and indelible attachment to
+my lover, for whose case and pleasure, I could have suffered every
+inconvenience, and even sacrificed my life.
+
+"Immediately after I had taken possession of my wretched apartment, I
+was constrained by my indisposition to go to bed, and send for necessary
+help; and in a few hours a living pledge of my love and indiscretion saw
+the light, though the terrors and fatigue I had undergone had affected
+this little innocent so severely, that it scarce discovered any
+visible signs of life. My grief at this misfortune was inexpressible. I
+forthwith despatched a message to the dear, the anxious father, who flew
+to my arms, and shared my sorrow, with all the gentleness of love
+and parental fondness; yet our fears were, for that time, happily
+disappointed by the recovery of our infant daughter, who was committed
+to the charge of a nurse in the neighbourhood; so that I could every day
+be satisfied in my inquiries about her health. Thus I continued a whole
+fortnight in a state of happiness and tranquility, being blessed with
+the conversation and tender offices of my admirer, whose love and
+attention I wholly engrossed. In a word, he gave up all business and
+amusement, and concentrated all his care and assiduity in ministering to
+my ease and satisfaction: and sure I had no cause to regret what I had
+suffered on his account.
+
+"But this my agreeable situation was one day disturbed by a most
+alarming accident, by which my life was drawn into imminent danger. The
+room under my bed-chamber took fire: I immediately smelt it, and saw the
+people about me in the utmost perplexity and consternation, though they
+would not own the true cause of their confusion, lest my health should
+suffer in the fright. Nevertheless, I was so calm in my inquiries, that
+they ventured to tell me my suspicion was but too just; upon which I
+gave such directions as I thought would secure me from catching cold,
+in case there should be a necessity for removing me; but the fire being
+happily extinguished, I escaped that ceremony, which might have cost me
+my life. Indeed, it was surprising that the agitation of my spirits did
+not produce some fatal effect upon my constitution; and I looked upon my
+deliverance as the protection of a particular providence.
+
+"Though I escaped the hazard of a sudden removal, I found it was high
+time to change my lodgings, because the neighbours rushing into the
+house, upon the alarm of fire, had discovered my situation, though they
+were ignorant of my name; and I did not think myself safe in being
+the subject of their conjectures. Mr. S--, therefore, procured another
+compartment, with better accommodation, to which I was carried as soon
+as my health would admit of my removal; and soon after my lord wrote
+to me by the hands of my lawyer, earnestly entreating me to drop my
+prosecution, and come home; but I would not comply with his request; and
+nothing was farther from my intention than the desire of receiving any
+favours at his hands.
+
+"Thus repulsed, he set on foot a most accurate search for my person; in
+the course of which he is said to have detected several ladies and young
+girls, who had reasons for keeping themselves concealed; and had like
+to have been very severely handled for his impertinent curiosity. Being
+unsuccessful in all his attempts, he entered into a treaty with one
+Sir R-- H--, a person of a very indifferent character, who undertook
+to furnish him with an infallible expedient to discover the place of my
+abode, if he would gratify him with a bond for a thousand pounds; which
+being executed accordingly, this worthy knight advertised me and my maid
+in the public papers, offering one hundred pounds as a reward to any
+person who should disclose the place of our retirement.
+
+"As soon as the paper fell into my hands, I was again involved in
+perplexity; and, being afraid of staying in town, resolved, with the
+concurrence of my lover, to accept of an invitation I had received from
+the duke of K--, who had by this time arrived in England, with that lady
+whom I have already mentioned as one of our parties at Paris. Having
+visited my little infant, I next day set out for the duke's country
+seat, which is a most elegant chateau, and stands in a charming
+situation. Mr. S--- followed in a few days. We met with a very cordial
+reception; his grace was civil and good-natured, lived nobly, and loved
+pleasure; Madame de la T-- was formed to please. There was always a
+great deal of company in the house; so that we passed our time agreeably
+in playing at billiards and cards, hunting, walking, reading, and
+conversation.
+
+"But my terms of happiness were generally of short duration. In the
+midst of this felicity I was overtaken by a most severe affliction, in
+the death of my dear hapless infant, who had engrossed a greater share
+of my tenderness than perhaps I even should have paid to the offspring
+of a legitimate contract; because the circumstance of her birth would
+have been an insurmountable misfortune to her through the whole course
+of her life, and rendered her absolutely dependent on my love and
+protection.
+
+"While I still lamented the untimely fate of this fair blossom, Lord
+-- came down, and demanded me as his wife; but the suit which I then
+maintained against him deprived him, for the present, of a husband's
+right; and therefore the duke would not deliver me into his hands.
+In six months he repeated his visit and demand; and an agreement was
+patched up, in consequence of which I consented to live in the same
+house with him, on condition that he should never desire to sleep with
+me, or take any other measure to disturb my peace; otherwise I should
+be at liberty to leave him again, and entitled to the provision of a
+separate maintenance. To these articles I assented, by the advice of my
+lawyers, with a view of obtaining the payment of my pin-money, which I
+had never received since our parting, but subsisted on the sale of my
+jewels, which were very considerable, and had been presented to me with
+full power of alienation. As to my lover, he had no fortune to support
+me; and for that reason I was scrupulously cautious of augmenting his
+expense.
+
+"We had now enjoyed each other's company for three years, during which
+our mutual passions had suffered no abatement, nor had my happiness been
+mixed with any considerable alloy, except that late stroke of providence
+which I have already mentioned, and the reflection of the sorrow that
+my conduct had entailed upon my dear father, whom I loved beyond
+expression, and whom nothing could have compelled me to disoblige but a
+more powerful flame, that prevailed over every other consideration. As I
+was now forced to break off this enchanting correspondence, it is not to
+be doubted that our parting cost us the most acute sensations of grief
+and disappointment. However, there was no remedy. I tore myself from
+his arms, took my leave of the family, after having acknowledged my
+obligations to the duke, and set out for the place of rendezvous, where
+I was met by my lord, attended by a steward whom he had lately engaged,
+and who was one chief cause of our future separations. My lord, having
+quitted his house in town, conducted me to his lodgings in Pall Mall,
+and insisted upon sleeping with me the first night; but I refused to
+gratify his desire, on the authority of our agreement.
+
+"This dispute produced a quarrel, in consequence of which I attempted to
+leave the house. He endeavouring to prevent my retreat, I fairly locked
+him in, ran down-stairs, and, calling a hackney-coach, made the best of
+my way into the city, to my father's lodgings, where I lay, the family
+being in town, though he himself was in the country. I wrote to him
+immediately; and, when he came to London, declared my intention of
+separating from my lord; in which, seeing me obstinate and determined,
+he at length acquiesced, and a formal separation accordingly ensued,
+which at that time I thought binding and immutable.
+
+"I was now sheltered under the wings of an indulgent father, who had
+taken me into favour again, on the supposition that my commerce with Mr.
+S-- was absolutely at an end. Nevertheless, though we had separated,
+in all appearance for ever, we had previously agreed to maintain our
+correspondence in private interviews, which should escape the notice of
+the world, with which I was again obliged to keep some measures.
+
+"Our parting at the duke of K--'s house in the country was attended with
+all the genuine marks of sincere and reciprocal affection, and I lived
+in the sweet hope of seeing him again, in all the transport of his
+former passion, when my lawyer, who received my letters, brought me a
+billet one night, just as I had gone to bed. Seeing the superscription
+of S--'s handwriting, I opened it with all the impatience of an absent
+lover; but how shall I describe the astonishment and consternation with
+which I was seized, when I perused the contents! Instead of the most
+tender vows and protestations, this fatal epistle began with, Madam,
+the best thing you can do is to return to your father, or some cold and
+killing expression to that effect.
+
+"Heaven and earth! what did I feel at this dire conjuncture! the light
+forsook my eyes, a cold sweat bedewed my limbs, and I was overwhelmed
+with such a torrent of sorrow and surprise, that everybody present
+believed I would have died under the violent agitation. They endeavoured
+to support my spirits with repeated draughts of strong liquor, which had
+no sensible effect upon my constitution, though for eight whole years
+I had drunk nothing stronger than water; and I must have infallibly
+perished in the first ecstasy of my grief, had it not made its way in
+a fit of tears and exclamation, in which I continued all night, to the
+amazement of the family, whom my condition had alarmed, and raised from
+their repose. My father was the only person who guessed the cause of
+my affliction; he said he was sure I had received some ill-usage in
+a letter or message from that rascal S--; so he termed him in the
+bitterness of passion.
+
+"At mention of that name, my agony redoubled to such a degree that
+all who were present wept at sight of my deplorable condition. My poor
+father shed a flood of tears, and conjured me to tell him the cause of
+my disquiet; upon which, rather than confess the truth, I amused his
+concern by pretending that my lover was ill. The whole family having
+stayed by me till I was a little more composed, left me to the care of
+my maid, who put me into bed about six in the morning, but I enjoyed no
+rest. I revolved every circumstance of my conduct, endeavouring to find
+out the cause of this fatal change in S--'s disposition; and as I could
+recollect nothing which could justly give offence, concluded that some
+malicious persons had abused his ears with stories to my prejudice.
+
+"With this conjecture I got up, and sent my lawyer to him with a letter,
+wherein I insisted upon seeing him, that I might have an opportunity of
+justifying myself in person; a task which would be easily performed,
+as I had never offended, but in loving too well. I waited with the most
+anxious impatience for the return of my messenger, who brought me an
+answer couched in the coldest terms of civility which indifference
+could dictate; acknowledging, however, that he had nothing to lay to my
+charge, but that it was for the good of us both that we should part. He
+ought to have reflected on that before, not after I had sacrificed my
+all for his love! I was well-nigh distracted by this confirmation of
+his inconstancy; and I wonder to this day how I retained the use of my
+reason under such circumstances of horror and despair! My grief laid
+aside all decorum and restraint; I told my father that S-- was dying,
+and that I would visit him with all expedition.
+
+"Startled at the proposal, this careful parent demonstrated the fatal
+consequence of such an unguarded step, reminded me of the difficulty
+with which he had prevailed upon my mother and uncle to forgive my
+former imprudence, observed that his intention was to carry me into the
+country next day, in order to effect a perfect reconciliation; but now
+I was on the brink of forfeiting all pretensions to their regard, by
+committing another fatal error, which could not possibly be retrieved;
+and that, for his part, whatever pangs it might cost him, he was
+resolved to banish me from his sight for ever.
+
+"While he uttered this declaration, the tears trickled down his cheeks,
+and he seemed overwhelmed with the keenest sorrow and mortification;
+so it may be easily conceived what were the impressions of my grief,
+reinforced with the affliction of a father whom I dearly loved, and the
+consciousness of being the cause of all his disquiet! I was struck dumb
+with remorse and woe; and, when I recovered the use of speech, I told
+him how sensible I was of his great goodness and humanity, and owned
+how little I deserved his favour and affection; that the sense of my own
+unworthiness was one cause of my present distraction; for such was the
+condition of my fate, that I must either see S-- or die. I said,
+though I could not expect his forgiveness, I was surely worthy of his
+compassion; that nothing but the most irresistible passion could have
+misled me at first from my duty, or tempted me to incur the least degree
+of his displeasure; that the same fatal influence still prevailed, and
+would, in all probability, continue to the grave, which was the only
+abode in which I hoped for peace.
+
+"While I expressed myself in this manner, my dear good father wept with
+the most tender sympathy, and, saying I might do as I pleased, for he
+had done with me, quitted the room, leaving me to the cruel sensations
+of my own heart, which almost burst with anguish, upbraiding me with a
+fault which I could not help committing. I immediately hired a
+chariot and six, and would have set out by myself, had not my father's
+affection, which all my errors could not efface, provided an attendant.
+He saw me quite delirious and desperate; and therefore engaged a
+relation of my own to accompany and take care of me in this rash
+expedition.
+
+"During this journey, which lasted two days, I felt no remission
+of grief and anxiety, but underwent the most intolerable sorrow and
+suspense. At last we arrived at a little house called the Hut, on
+Salisbury Plain, where, in the most frantic agitation, I wrote a letter
+to S--, describing the miserable condition to which I was reduced by
+his unkindness, and desiring to see him, with the most earnest
+solicitations. This billet I committed to the care of my attendant, and
+laid strong injunctions upon him to tell Mr. S--, my injuries were so
+great, and my despair so violent, that, if he did not favour me with a
+visit, I would go to him, though at his sister's house, where he then
+was.
+
+"He received my message with great coldness, and told my friend, that,
+if I would return to London without insisting upon the interview I
+demanded, he would, in a little time, follow me to town, and everything
+should be amicably adjusted; but when the messenger assured him, that
+I was too much transported with grief to hear of such a proposal, he
+consented to meet me in the middle of Salisbury Plain, that we might
+avoid all observation. And though I was little able to walk, I set
+out for the place of assignation, my companion following at a small
+distance.
+
+"When I saw him leading his horse down the hill, I collected all my
+fortitude, and advanced to him with all the speed I could exert; but
+when I made an effort to speak, my tongue denied its office, and so
+lively was the expression of unutterable sorrow in my countenance, that
+his heart, hard as it was, melted at the sight of my sufferings, which
+he well knew proceeded from the sincerity of my love. At length I
+recovered the use of speech enough to tell him, that I was come to take
+my leave; and, when I would have proceeded, my voice failed me again.
+But, after a considerable pause, I found means, with great difficulty,
+to let him know how sensible I was of my own incapacity to retrieve
+his lost affections; but that I was willing, if possible, to retain
+his esteem, of which could I be assured, I would endeavour to compose
+myself; that I was determined to leave the kingdom, because I could not
+bear the sight of those places where we had been so happy in our mutual
+love; and that, till my departure, I hoped he would visit me sometimes,
+that I might, by degrees, wean myself from his company; for I should not
+be able to survive the shock of being deprived of him all at once.
+
+"This address may seem very humble to an unconcerned observer; but love
+will tame the proudest disposition, as plainly appeared in my case; for
+I had naturally as much spirit, or more, than the generality of people
+have. Mr. S-- was so much confounded at the manner of my behaviour,
+that he scarce knew what answer to make; for, as he afterwards owned,
+he expected to hear himself upbraided; but he was not proof against my
+tenderness. After some hesitation, he said, he never meant to forsake
+me entirely, that his affection was still unimpaired, and that he would
+follow me directly to London. I imposed upon myself, and believed what
+he said, because I could not bear to think of parting with him for ever,
+and returned to town in a more tranquil state of mind than that in which
+I had left my father, though my heart was far from being at ease; my
+fears being ingenious enough to foresee, that I should never be able to
+overcome his indifference.
+
+"I took lodgings in Mount-street, and my maid having disposed of herself
+in marriage, hired another, who supplied her place very much to my
+satisfaction. She was a good girl, had a particular attachment to
+me, and for many years, during which she lived in my service, was
+indefatigably assiduous in contributing to my ease, or rather in
+alleviating my affliction. For, though S-- came up to town according to
+promise, and renewed a sort of correspondence with me for the space of
+five months, his complaisance would extend no farther; and he gave me
+to understand, that he had determined to go abroad with Mr. V--; whom he
+accordingly accompanied in his envoying to D--.
+
+"I understood the real cause of this expedition, which, notwithstanding
+his oaths and protestations of unabated love and regard, I construed
+into a palpable mark of dislike and disrespect; nor could the repeated
+assurances I received from him in letters mitigate the anguish and
+mortification that preyed upon my heart. I therefore gave up all hopes
+of recovering the happiness I had lost. I told him on the eve of his
+departure, that he might exercise his gallantry a great while, before he
+would meet with my fellow, in point of sincerity and love; for I would
+rather have been a servant in his house, with the privilege of seeing
+him, than the queen of England debarred of that pleasure.
+
+"When he took his leave, and went down-stairs, I shrunk at every step he
+made, as if a new wound had been inflicted upon me and when I heard the
+door shut behind him, my heart died within me. I had the satisfaction
+to hear afterwards, he lamented the loss of me prodigiously, and that he
+had never been so happy since. I sat down to write a letter, in which I
+forgave his indifference, because I knew the affections are altogether
+involuntary, and wished him all the happiness he deserved. I then walked
+up and down the room in the most restless anxiety, was put to bed by my
+maid, rose at six, mounted my horse and rode forty miles, in order to
+fatigue myself that I might next night enjoy some repose. This exercise
+I daily underwent for months together; and, when it did not answer my
+purpose, I used to walk round Hyde-park in the evening, when the place
+was quite solitary and unvisited by any other human creature.
+
+"In the course of this melancholy perambulation, I was one day accosted
+by a very great man, who, after the first salutation, asked whether or
+not my intercourse with S-- was at an end, and if I had any allowance
+from my husband. To the first of these questions I replied in the
+affirmative; and to the last answered, that my lord did not allow me a
+great deal; indeed, I might have truly said nothing at all; but I was
+too proud to own my indigence. He then expressed his wonder, how one
+like me, who had been used to splendour and affluence from my cradle,
+could make shift to live in my present narrow circumstances; and, when I
+told him that I could make a very good shift, so I had peace, he seemed
+to lament my situation, and very kindly invited me to sup with his wife
+at his house. I accepted the invitation, without any apprehension of
+the consequence; and, when I went to the place, was introduced into an
+apartment magnificently lighted up, I suppose, for my reception.
+
+"After I had stayed alone for some time in this mysterious situation,
+without seeing a living soul, my inviter appeared, and said, he hoped
+I would not take it amiss that he and I were to sup by ourselves, as he
+had something to say, which could not be so properly communicated before
+company or servants. I then, for the first time, perceived his drift,
+to my no small surprise and indignation; and, with evident marks of
+displeasure, told him, I was sure he had nothing to propose that would
+be agreeable to my inclination, and that I would immediately leave the
+house. Upon which he gave me to understand, that I could not possibly
+retire, because he had sent away my chair, and all his servants were
+disposed to obey his orders.
+
+"Incensed at this declaration, which I considered as an insult, I
+answered, with an air of resolution, it was very well; I despised his
+contrivance, and was afraid of nothing. Seeing me thus alarmed, he
+assured me I had no reason to be afraid; that he had loved me long, and
+could find no other opportunity of declaring his passion. He said the
+Q-- had told him that Lord -- had renewed his addresses to me; and,
+as he understood from my own mouth, my correspondence with S-- was
+absolutely broke off, he thought himself as well entitled as another to
+my regard. In conclusion, he told me that I might command his purse, and
+that he had power enough to bring me into the world again with eclat. To
+these advances I replied, that he was very much mistaken in his opinion
+of my character, if he imagined I was to be won by any temptations of
+fortune; and very frankly declared, that I would rather give myself to a
+footman, than sell myself to a prince.
+
+"Supper being served, we sat down together; but I would neither eat
+nor drink anything, except a little bread and water; for I was an odd
+whimsical girl, and it came into my head, that he might perhaps have
+mixed something in the victuals or wine, which would alter my way of
+thinking. In short, finding himself baffled in all his endeavours, he
+permitted me about twelve o'clock to depart in peace, and gave up his
+suit as a desperate cause.
+
+"This uncomfortable life did I lead for a whole twelvemonth, without
+feeling the least abatement of my melancholy. Finding myself worn to a
+skeleton, I resumed my former resolution of trying to profit by change
+of place, and actually went abroad, with no other attendant than my
+woman, and the utmost indifference for life. My intention was to have
+gone to the south of France, where I thought I could have subsisted on
+the little I had left, which amounted to five hundred pounds, until the
+issue of my law-suit, by which I hoped to obtain some provision from my
+lord; and, without all doubt, my expectation would have been answered,
+had I put this my plan in execution; but, being at Paris, from whence
+I proposed to set forward in a few days, I sent to M. K--, who had been
+formerly intimate with my father, and shown me many civilities during my
+first residence in France.
+
+"This gentleman favoured me with a visit, and, when I made him
+acquainted with my scheme, dissuaded me from it, as an uncomfortable
+determination. He advised me to stay at Paris, where, with good economy,
+I could live as cheap as in any other place, and enjoy the conversation
+and countenance of my friends, among which number he declared himself
+one of the most faithful. He assured me, that I should be always welcome
+to his table, and want for nothing. He promised to recommend me as a
+lodger to a friend of his, with whom I would live in a frugal and decent
+manner; and observed, that, as the woman was well known and esteemed by
+all the English company in Paris, it would be the most reputable step
+I could take, considering my youth and situation, to lodge with a
+creditable person, who could answer for my conduct. Thus persuaded, I
+very simply followed his advice; I say simply, because, notwithstanding
+his representations, I soon found my money melt away, without any
+prospect of a fresh supply. In lieu of this, however, I passed my time
+very agreeably in several English and some French families, where, in a
+little time, I became quite intimate, saw a great deal of company, and
+was treated with the utmost politeness and regard; yet, in the midst of
+these pleasures, many a melancholy sigh would rise at the remembrance of
+my beloved S--, whom, for several years, I could not recollect without
+emotion; but time, company, amusements, and change of place, in a great
+measure dissipated these ideas, and enabled me to bear my fate with
+patience and resignation.
+
+"On my last arrival at Paris, I was surrounded by a crowd of professed
+admirers, who sighed and flattered in the usual forms; but, besides
+that my heart was not in a condition to contract new engagements, I was
+prepossessed against them all, by supposing that they presumed upon
+the knowledge of my indiscretion with S--; and therefore rejected their
+addresses with detestation and disdain; for, as I have already observed,
+I was not to be won but by the appearance of esteem, and the most
+respectful carriage; and though, by a false step, I had, in my own
+opinion, forfeited my title to the one, I was resolved to discourage the
+advances of any man who seemed deficient in the other.
+
+"In this manner my lovers were one by one repulsed, almost as soon as
+they presented themselves, and I preserved the independence of my heart,
+until I became acquainted with a certain peer, whom I often saw at the
+house of Mrs. P--, an English lady then resident at Paris. This young
+nobleman professed himself deeply enamoured of me, in a style so
+different from that of my other admirers, that I heard his protestations
+without disgust; and, though my inclinations were still free, could not
+find in my heart to discountenance his addresses, which were preferred
+with the most engaging modesty, disinterestedness, and respect.
+
+"By these never-failing arts, he gradually conquered my indifference,
+and gained the preference in my esteem from Lord C-- and the prince of
+C--, who were at that time his rivals. But what contributed more than
+any consideration to his success was his declaring openly, that he would
+marry me without hesitation, as soon as I could obtain a divorce from
+my present husband, which, in all probability, might have been easily
+procured; for, before I left England, Lord -- had offered me five
+thousand pounds if I would consent to such a mutual release, that he
+might be at liberty to espouse one Miss W--, of Kent, to whom he then
+made love upon honourable terms; but I was fool enough to refuse his
+proposal, by the advice of S--. And whether or not his lordship, finding
+it impracticable to wed his new mistress, began to make love upon
+another footing, I know not; but, certain it is, the mother forbade
+him the house, a circumstance which he took so heinously ill, that
+he appealed to the world in a public advertisement, beginning with
+'Whereas, for some time, I have passionately loved Miss W--, and, upon
+my not complying with the mother's proposals, they have turned me out of
+doors, this is to justify,' etc.
+
+"This declaration, signed with his name, was actually printed in a
+number of detached advertisements, which he ordered to be distributed to
+the public; and afterwards, being convinced by some of his friends
+that he had done a very silly thing, he recalled them at half a guinea
+apiece. A copy of one of them was sent to me at Paris, and I believe my
+father has now one of the originals in his possession. After this wise
+vindication of his conduct, he made an attempt to carry off the lady
+from church by force of arms; but she was rescued by the neighbours,
+headed by her brother, who, being an attorney, had like to have made his
+lordship smart severely for this exploit.
+
+"Meanwhile my new admirer had made some progress in my heart; and, my
+finances being exhausted, I was reduced to the alternative of returning
+to Lord -- again, or accepting Earl B--'s love. When my affairs were
+brought to an issue, I made no hesitation in my choice, putting myself
+under the protection of a man of honour whom I esteemed, rather than
+suffer every sort of mortification from a person who was the object of
+my abhorrence and contempt. From a mistaken pride, I chose to live in
+Lord B--'s house, rather than be maintained at his expense in another
+place. We spent several months agreeably in balls and other diversions,
+visited Lord B--, who lived at the distance of a few leagues from Paris,
+and stayed some days at his house, where the entertainment was, in all
+respects, delightful, elegant, and refined. Their habitation was the
+rendezvous of the best company in France; and Lady B-- maintained
+the same superiority in her own sex, for which her lord is so justly
+distinguished among the men.
+
+"About Christmas we set out for England, accompanied by a little North
+Briton, who lived with Lord B-- as his companion, and did not at all
+approve of our correspondence; whether out of real friendship for his
+patron, or apprehension that in time I might supersede his own influence
+with my lord, I shall not pretend to determine. Be that as it will, the
+frost was so severe, that we were detained ten days at Calais before
+we could get out of the harbour; and, during that time, I reflected
+seriously on what my new lover proposed. As he was very young, and
+unacquainted with the world, I thought my story might have escaped him;
+and therefore determined to give him a faithful detail of the whole,
+that he might not have anything to reproach me with in the sequel;
+besides, I did not think it honest to engage him to do more for me
+than he might afterwards perhaps think I was worth. Accordingly, I
+communicated to him every particular of my life; and the narration,
+far from altering his sentiments, rather confirmed his good opinion, by
+exhibiting an undoubted proof of my frankness and sincerity. In short,
+he behaved with such generosity, as made an absolute conquest of my
+heart. But my love was of a different kind from that which had formerly
+reigned within my breast, being founded upon the warmest gratitude and
+esteem, exclusive of any other consideration, though his person was very
+agreeable, and his address engaging.
+
+"When we arrived in England, I went directly to his country seat, about
+twelve miles from London, where he soon joined me, and we lived some
+time in perfect retirement. His relations being greatly alarmed with the
+apprehension that Lord -- would bring an action against him, though he
+himself desired nothing more, and lived so easy under that expectation,
+that they soon laid aside their fears on his account.
+
+"We were visited by Mr. H. B--, a relation of my lord, and one Mr. R--,
+of the Guards, who, with the little Scotchman and my lover, made an
+agreeable set, among whom I enjoyed hunting, and all manner of country
+diversions. As to Mr. H. B--, if ever there was perfection in one
+man, it centred in him; or, at least, he, of all the men I ever knew,
+approached the nearest to that idea which I had conceived of a perfect
+character. He was both good and great, possessed an uncommon genius, and
+the best of hearts. Mr. R-- was a very sociable man, had a good person,
+and cultivated understanding; and my lord was excessively good-humoured;
+so that, with such companions, no place could be dull or insipid. For
+my own part, I conducted the family; and, as I endeavoured to please and
+make everybody happy, I had the good fortune to succeed. Mr. B-- told
+me, that before he saw me, he heard I was a fool; but finding, as he was
+pleased to say, that I had been egregiously misrepresented, he courted
+my friendship, and a correspondence commenced between us. Indeed, it was
+impossible for any person to know him, without entertaining the utmost
+esteem and veneration for his virtue.
+
+"After I had lived some time in this agreeable retreat, my husband began
+to make a bustle. He sent a message, demanding me from Lord B--; then
+came in person, with his nightcap in his pocket, intending to have
+stayed all night, had he been asked, and attended by a relation, whom
+he assured that I was very fond of him, and detained by force from his
+arms. Finding himself disappointed in his expectations, he commenced a
+law-suit against Lord B--, though not for a divorce, as we desired,
+but with a view to reclaim me as his lawful wife. His lawyers, however,
+attempted to prove criminal conversation, in hopes of extorting money
+from my lover. But their endeavours were altogether fruitless; for no
+servant of Lord B--'s or mine could with justice say we were ever seen
+to trespass against modesty and decorum; so that the plaintiff was
+nonsuited. While this cause was depending, all my lover's friends
+expressed fear and concern for the issue, while he himself behaved with
+the utmost resolution, and gave me such convincing proofs of a strong
+and steady affection, as augmented my gratitude, and riveted the ties of
+my love, which was unblemished, faithful, and sincere.
+
+"Soon after this event, I was seized with a violent fit of illness, in
+which I was visited by my father, and attended by two physicians, one of
+whom despaired of my life, and took his leave accordingly; but Dr.
+S--, who was the other, persisted in his attendance, and, in all human
+appearance, saved my life; a circumstance by which he acquired a great
+share of reputation. Yet, notwithstanding all his assistance, I was
+confined to my bed for ten weeks; during which Lord B--'s grief was
+immoderate, his care and generosity unlimited. While I lay in this
+extremity, Mr. S--, penetrated by my melancholy condition, which revived
+his tenderness, begged leave to be admitted to my presence; and Lord B--
+would have complied with his request, had I not been judged too weak to
+bear the shock of such an interview. My constitution, however, agreeably
+disappointed my fears; and the fever had no sooner left me, than I was
+removed to a hunting seat belonging to my lover, from whence, after I
+had recovered my strength, we went to B-- castle, where we kept open
+house. And, while we remained at this place, Lord B-- received a letter
+from Lord --, dated in November, challenging him to single combat in
+May, upon the frontiers of France and Flanders. This defiance was
+sent in consequence of what had passed between them long before my
+indisposition, at a meeting in a certain tavern, where they quarrelled,
+and in the fray, my lover threw his antagonist under the table. I
+counselled him to take no notice of this rhodomontade, which I knew was
+void of all intention of performance; and he was wise enough to follow
+my advice, resolved, however, should the message be repeated, to take
+the challenger at his word.
+
+"Having resided some time at this place, we returned to the other
+country house which he had left, where Lord B-- addicted himself so
+much to hunting, and other male diversions, that I began to think he
+neglected me, and apprised him of my suspicion, assuring him, at the
+same time, that I would leave him as soon as my opinion should be
+confirmed. This declaration had no effect upon his behaviour, which
+became so remarkably cold, that even Mr. R--, who lived with us,
+imagined that his affection was palpably diminished. When I went to
+town, I was usually attended by his cousin, or this gentleman, or both,
+but seldom favoured with his company; nay, when I repaired to Bath, for
+the re-establishment of my health, he permitted me to go alone; so that
+I was quite persuaded of his indifference; and yet I was mistaken in my
+opinion. But I had been spoiled by the behaviour of my first husband,
+and Mr. S--, who never quitted me for the sake of any amusement, and
+often resisted the calls of the most urgent business, rather than part
+from me, though but for a few hours. I thought every man who loved me
+truly would act in the same manner; and, whether I am right or wrong
+in my conjectures, I leave wiser casuists to judge. Certain it is,
+such sacrifice and devotion is the most pleasing proof of an admirer's
+passion; and, Voyez-moi plus souvent, et ne me donnez rien, is one of my
+favourite maxims. A man may give money, because he is profuse; he may
+be violently fond, because he is of a sanguine constitution. But, if he
+gives me his time, he gives me an unquestionable proof of my being in
+full possession of his heart.
+
+"My appearance at Bath, without the company of Lord B--, occasioned a
+general surprise, and encouraged the men to pester me with addresses,
+every new admirer endeavouring to advance his suit by demonstrating the
+unkind and disrespectful behaviour of his lordship. Indeed, this was
+the most effectual string they could touch. My pride and resentment were
+alarmed, I was weak enough to listen to one man, who had like to have
+insinuated himself into my inclinations. He was tall and large-boned,
+with white hair, inclining to what is called sandy, and had the
+reputation of being handsome, though I think he scarce deserved that
+epithet. He possessed a large fortune, loved mischief, and stuck
+at nothing for the accomplishment of his designs, one of his chief
+pleasures being that of setting any two lovers at variance. He employed
+his address upon me with great assiduity, and knew so well how to
+manage my resentment, that I was pleased with his manner, heard his vows
+without disgust, and, in a word, promised to deliberate with myself upon
+his proposals, and give him an account of my determination in writing.
+
+"Thus resolved, I went to Lord B--, in Wiltshire, whither I was followed
+by this pretender to my heart, who visited us on the footing of an
+acquaintance; but when I reflected on what I had done, I condemned my
+own conduct as indiscreet, though nothing decisive had passed between
+us, and began to hate him in proportion to the self-conviction I felt,
+perceiving that I had involved myself in a difficulty from which I
+should not be easily disengaged. For the present, however, I found means
+to postpone my declaration. He admitted my excuse, and I returned to
+London with Lord B--, who was again summoned to the field by his former
+challenger.
+
+"H--d--n, governor, counsellor, and steward to this little hero, came to
+Lord B-- with a verbal message, importing that his lordship had changed
+his mind about going to Flanders, but expected to meet him, on such
+a day and hour, in the burying-ground near Red Lion-square. Lord B--
+accepted the challenge, and gave me an account of what had passed; but
+he had been anticipated by the messenger, who had already tried to alarm
+my fears from the consideration of the consequence, that I might take
+some measures to prevent their meeting. I perceived his drift, and told
+him plainly, that Lord ---- had no intention to risk his person, though
+he endeavoured with all his might to persuade me, that his principal was
+desperate and determined. I knew my little husband too well to think
+he would bring matters to any dangerous issue, and was apprehensive of
+nothing but foul play, from the villainy of H--d--n, with which I was
+equally well acquainted. Indeed, I signified my doubts on that score to
+Mr. B--, who would have attended his kinsman to the field, had he not
+thought he might be liable to censure, if anything should happen to Lord
+B--, because he himself was heir at law: for that reason he judiciously
+declined being personally concerned; and we pitched upon the earl of
+A--, his lordship's uncle, who willingly undertook the office.
+
+"At the appointed time they went to the house of rendezvous, where they
+had not waited long when the challenger appeared, in a new pink satin
+waistcoat, which he had put on for the occasion, with his sword under
+his arm, and his steward by him, leaving, in a hackney-coach at some
+distance, a surgeon whom he had provided for the care of his person.
+Thus equipped he advanced to his antagonist, and desired him to choose
+his ground; upon which Lord B-- told him, that if he must fall, it was
+not material which grave he should tumble over.
+
+"Our little hero, finding him so jocose and determined, turned to
+Lord A--, and desired to speak with him, that he might disburden his
+conscience before they should begin the work of death. They accordingly
+went aside; and he gave him to understand, that his motive for fighting,
+was Lord B--'s detaining his wife from him by compulsion. The earl of
+A-- assured him, he was egregiously mistaken in his conjecture; that his
+nephew used no force or undue influence to keep me in his house; but it
+could not be expected that he would turn me out of doors.
+
+"This explanation was altogether satisfactory to Lord --, who said he
+was far from being so unreasonable as to expect Lord B-- would commit
+such a breach of hospitality; and all he desired was, that his wife
+should be left to her own inclinations. Upon these articles, peace was
+concluded, and they parted without bloodshed. At least these are the
+particulars of the story, as they were related by Lord A--, with whom
+I laughed heartily at the adventure, for I never doubted that the
+challenger would find some expedient to prevent the duel, though I
+wondered how he mustered up resolution enough to carry it so far.
+
+"That he might not, however, give us any more trouble, we resolved to
+go and enjoy ourselves in France, whither I went by myself, in hopes of
+being soon joined by my lover, who was obliged to stay some time longer
+in England, to settle his affairs. He was so much affected at our
+parting, though but for a few weeks, that he was almost distracted.
+And this affliction renewed my tenderness for him, because it was an
+undoubted proof of his love. I wrote to him every post from France; and,
+as I had no secrets, desired him to take care of all the letters that
+should come to his house, directed to me, after my departure from
+England.
+
+"This was an unfortunate office for him, in the execution of which he
+chanced to open a letter from Sir T-- A--, with whom, as I have already
+observed, I had some correspondence at Bath. I had according to my
+promise, given this gentleman a decisive answer, importing that I
+was determined to remain in my present situation; but as Lord B-- was
+ignorant of my sentiments in that particular, and perceived from the
+letter that something extraordinary had passed between us, and that
+I was earnestly solicited to leave him, he was seized with the utmost
+consternation and concern; and, having previously obtained the king's
+leave to go abroad, set out that very night for France, leaving his
+affairs in the greatest confusion.
+
+"Sir T-- A-- hearing I was gone, without understanding the cause of my
+departure, took the same route, and both arrived at Dover next day. They
+heard of each other's motions. Each bribed the master of a packet-boat
+to transport him with expedition; but that depending upon the wind, both
+reached Calais at the same time, though in different vessels. Sir
+T-- sent his valet-de-chambre post, with a letter, entreating me to
+accompany him into Italy, where he would make me mistress of his whole
+fortune, and to set out directly for that country, that he might not
+lose me by the arrival of Lord B--, promising to join me on the road,
+if I would consent to make him happy. I sent his messenger back with
+an answer, wherein I expressed surprise at his proposals, after having
+signified my resolution to him before I left England. He was scarce
+dismissed, when I received another letter from Lord B--, beseeching me
+to meet him at Clermont, upon the road from Calais; and conjuring me
+to avoid the sight of his rival, should he get the start of him in
+travelling. This, however, was not likely to be the case, as Lord B--
+rode post, and the other was, by his corpulence, obliged to travel in
+a chaise; yet, that I might not increase his anxiety, I left Paris
+immediately on the receipt of his message, and met him at the appointed
+place, where he received me with all the agitation of joy and fear,
+and asked if I had ever encouraged Sir T-- A-- in his addresses. I very
+candidly told him the whole transaction, at which he was incensed; but
+his indignation was soon appeased, when I professed my penitence, and
+assured him that I had totally rejected his rival. Not that I approved
+of my behaviour to Sir T--, who, I own, was ill-used in this affair; but
+surely it was more excusable to halt here, than proceed farther in my
+indiscretion.
+
+"My lover being satisfied with my declaration, we went together to
+Paris, being attended by the Scotchman, whom I have already mentioned,
+though I believe he was not over and above well pleased to see matters
+thus amicably compromised. The furious knight followed us to the
+capital; insisted on seeing me in person; told this North Briton, that
+I was actually engaged to him; wrote every hour, and railed at my
+perfidious conduct. I took no notice of these delirious transports,
+which were also disregarded by Lord B--, till, one night, he was
+exasperated by the insinuations of Mr. C--, who, I believe, inflamed
+his jealousy, by hinting a suspicion that I was really in love with his
+rival. What passed betwixt them I know not, but he sent for me from the
+opera, by a physician of Paris, who was a sort of go-between among us
+all, and who told me, that, if I did not come home in the instant, a
+duel would be fought on my account.
+
+"I was very much shocked at this information; but, by being used to
+alarms from the behaviour of Lord --, I had acquired a pretty good share
+of resolution, and with great composure entered the room where Lord B--
+was, with his companion, whom I immediately ordered to withdraw. I then
+gave his lordship to understand, that I was informed of what had passed,
+and thought myself so much injured by the person who had just quitted
+the apartment, that I would no longer live under the same roof with
+him. Lord B-- raved like a bedlamite, taxing me with want of candour and
+affection; but I easily justified my own integrity, and gave him such
+assurances of my love, that his jealousy subsided, and his spirits were
+recomposed. Nevertheless, I insisted upon his dismissing Mr. C--, on
+pain of my leaving the house, as I could not help thinking he had used
+his endeavours to prejudice me in the opinion of my lord. If his conduct
+was the result of friendship for his patron, he certainly acted the part
+of an honest and trusty adherent. But I could not easily forgive
+him, because, a few weeks before, he had, by my interest, obtained a
+considerable addition to his allowance; and even after the steps he had
+taken to disoblige me, I was not so much his enemy but that I prevailed
+upon Lord B-- to double his salary, that his leaving the family might
+be no detriment to his fortune. His lordship having complied with my
+demand, this gentleman, after having stayed three days in the house,
+to prepare for his departure, during which I would not suffer him to be
+admitted into my presence, made his retreat with a fine young girl, who
+was my companion; and I have never seen him since that time.
+
+"Sir T-- still continued furious, and would not take a denial, except
+from my own mouth, upon which, with the approbation of Lord B--, I
+indulged him with an interview. He entered the apartment with a stern
+countenance, and told me I had used him ill. I pleaded guilty to the
+charge, and begged his pardon accordingly. I attempted to reason the
+case with him, but he would hear no arguments except his own, and even
+tried to intimidate me with threats; which provoked me to such a degree,
+that I defied his vengeance. I told him, that I feared nothing but the
+report of my own conscience; that, though I had acted a simple part, he
+durst not say there was anything criminal in my conduct, and that, from
+his present frantic and unjust behaviour, I thought myself happy in
+having escaped him. He swore I was the most inflexible of all creatures;
+asked if nothing would move me; and when I answered, "Nothing," took his
+leave, and never after persecuted me with his addresses; though I have
+heard he was vain and false enough to boast of favours, which, upon
+my honour, he never received, as he himself, at one time, owned to Dr.
+Cantwell, at Paris.
+
+"While he underwent all this frenzy and distraction upon my account, he
+was loved with the same violence of passion by a certain Scotch lady of
+quality, who, when he followed me to France, pursued him thither with
+the same eagerness and expedition. Far from being jealous of me as a
+rival, she used to come to my house, implore my good offices with the
+object of her love, and, laying herself on the floor at full length
+before the fire, weep and cry like a person bereft of her senses. She
+bitterly complained that he had never obliged her but once; and
+begged, with the most earnest supplications, that I would give her an
+opportunity of seeing him at my house. But I thought proper to avoid her
+company, as soon as I perceived her intention.
+
+"We continued at Paris for some time, during which I contracted an
+acquaintance with the sister of Madame de la T--. She was the
+supposed mistress of the prince of C--, endowed with a great share of
+understanding, and loved pleasure to excess, though she maintained her
+reputation on a respectable footing, by living with her husband and
+mother. This lady, perceiving that I had inspired her lover with a
+passion, which gave me uneasiness on her account, actually practised all
+her eloquence and art in persuading me to listen to his love; for it
+was a maxim with her to please him at any rate. I was shocked at her
+indelicate complaisance, and rejected the proposal as repugnant to my
+present engagement, which I held as sacred as any nuptial tie, and much
+more binding than a forced or unnatural marriage.
+
+"Upon our return to England, we lived in great harmony and peace, and
+nothing was wanting to my happiness, but the one thing to me the most
+needful; I mean the enchanting tenderness and delightful enthusiasm of
+love. Lord B--'s heart, I believe, felt the soft impressions; and, for
+my own part, I loved him with the most faithful affection. It is not
+enough to say I wished him well; I had the most delicate, the most
+genuine esteem for his virtue; I had an intimate regard and anxiety for
+his interest; and felt for him as if he had been my own son. But still
+there was a vacancy in my heart; there was not that fervour, that
+transport, that ecstasy of passion which I had formerly known; my bosom
+was not filled with the little deity; I could not help recalling to my
+remembrance the fond, the ravishing moments I had passed with S--. Had
+I understood the conditions of life, those pleasures were happily
+exchanged for my present situation, because, if I was now deprived
+of those rapturous enjoyments, I was also exempted from the cares
+and anxiety that attended them; but I was generally extravagant in my
+notions of happiness, and therefore construed my present tranquility
+into an insipid languor and stagnation of life.
+
+"While I remained in this inactivity of sentiment, Lord --, having
+received a very considerable addition to his fortune, sent a message
+to me, promising, that if I would leave Lord B--, he would make me
+a present of a house and furniture, where I should live at my case,
+without being exposed to his visits, except when I should be disposed to
+receive them. This proposal he made in consequence of what I had always
+declared, namely, that if he had not reduced me to the necessity
+of putting myself under the protection of some person or other, by
+depriving me of any other means of subsistence, I should never have
+given the world the least cause to scandalize my reputation; and that I
+would withdraw myself from my present dependence, as soon as he should
+enable me to live by myself. I was therefore resolved to be as good as
+my word, and accepted his offer, on condition that I should be wholly
+at my own disposal, and that he should never enter my door but as a
+visitant or common friend.
+
+"These articles being ratified by his word and honour, the value
+of which I did not then know, a house was furnished according to my
+directions; and I signified my intention to Lord B--, who consented
+to my removal, with this proviso, that I should continue to see him. I
+wrote also to his relation, Mr. B--, who, in his answer, observed,
+that it was too late to advise, when I was actually determined. All my
+friends and acquaintance approved of the scheme, though it was one
+of the most unjustifiable steps I had ever taken, being a real act of
+ingratitude to my benefactor; which I soon did, and always shall regret
+and condemn. So little is the world qualified to judge of private
+affairs!
+
+"When the time of our parting drew near, Lord B-- became gloomy and
+discontented, and even entreated me to postpone my resolution; but I
+told him, that now everything was prepared for my reception, I could not
+retract without incurring the imputation of folly and extravagance.
+On the very day of my departure, Mr. B-- endeavoured, with all the
+arguments he could suggest, to dissuade me from my purpose; and I
+made use of the same answer which had satisfied his friend. Finding me
+determined on removing, he burst out into a flood of tears, exclaiming,
+"By God! if Lord B-- can bear it, I can't." I was thunderstruck at this
+expression; for though I had been told that Mr. B-- was in love with
+me, I gave no credit to the report, because he had never declared his
+passion, and this was the first hint of it that ever escaped him in
+my hearing. I was therefore so much amazed at the circumstance of this
+abrupt explanation, that I could make no answer; but having taken my
+leave, went away, ruminating on the unexpected declaration.
+
+"Lord B--, as I was informed, spoke not a word that whole night, and
+took my leaving him so much to heart, that two years elapsed before he
+got the better of his grief. This intelligence I afterwards received
+from his own mouth, and asked his forgiveness for my unkind retreat,
+though I shall never be able to obtain my own. As for Mr. B--, he was
+overwhelmed with sorrow, and made such efforts to suppress his concern,
+as had well nigh cost him his life. Dr. S-- was called to him in the
+middle of the night, and found him almost suffocated. He soon guessed
+the cause, when he understood that I had left the house. So that I
+myself was the only person concerned, who was utterly ignorant of his
+affection; for I solemnly declare he never gave me the least reason
+to suspect it while I lived with his relation, because he had too much
+honour to entertain a thought of supplanting his friend, and too good an
+opinion of me to believe he should have succeeded in the attempt. Though
+my love for Lord B-- was not so tender and interesting as the passion I
+had felt for S--, my fidelity was inviolable, and I never harboured the
+most distant thought of any other person, till after I had resolved
+to leave him, when, I own, I afforded some small encouragement to the
+addresses of a new admirer by telling him, that I should, in a little
+time, be my own mistress, though I was not now at my own disposal.
+
+"I enjoyed my new house as a little paradise. It was accommodated with
+all sorts of conveniences; everything was new, and therefore pleasing,
+and the whole absolutely at my command. I had the company of a relation,
+a very good woman, with whom I lived in the most amicable manner; was
+visited by the best people in town--I mean those of the male sex, the
+ladies having long ago forsaken me; I frequented all reputable places of
+public entertainment, and had a concert at home once a week; so that
+my days rolled on in happiness and quiet, till all my sweets were
+embittered by the vexatious behaviour of my husband, who began to
+importune me again to live with him; and by the increasing anxiety of
+Lord B--, who, though I still admitted his visits, plainly perceived
+that I wanted to relinquish his correspondence. This discovery raised
+such tempests of jealousy and despair within his breast, that he kept
+me in continual alarm. He sent messages to me every hour, signed his
+letters with his own blood, raved like a man in ecstasy of madness,
+railed at my ingratitude, and praised my conduct by turns. He offered
+to sacrifice everything for my love, to leave the kingdom forthwith, and
+live with me for ever in any part of the world where I should choose to
+reside.
+
+"These were generous and tempting proposals; but I was beset with
+counsellors who were not totally disinterested, and who dissuaded me
+from embracing the proffers of my lover, on pretence that Lord -- would
+be highly injured by my compliance. I listened to their advice, and
+hardened my heart against Lord B--'s sorrow and solicitations. My
+behaviour on this occasion is altogether unaccountable; this was the
+only time that ever I was a slave to admonition. The condition of Lord
+B-- would have melted any heart but mine, and yet mine was one of the
+most sensible. He employed his cousin as an advocate with me, till that
+gentleman actually refused the office, telling him candidly, that his
+own inclinations were too much engaged to permit him to perform the task
+with fidelity and truth. He accordingly resolved to avoid my presence,
+until my lord and I should come to some final determination, which was
+greatly retarded by the perseverance of his lordship, who would not
+resign his hopes, even when I pretended that another man had engaged my
+heart, but said, that in time my affection might return.
+
+"Our correspondence, however, gradually wore off; upon which Mr.
+B-- renewed his visits, and many agreeable and happy hours we passed
+together. Not that he, or any other person whom I now saw, succeeded to
+the privilege of a fortunate lover; I knew he loved me to madness; but
+I would not gratify his passion any other way than by the most profound
+esteem and veneration for his virtues, which were altogether amiable and
+sublime; and I would here draw his character minutely, but it would
+take up too much time to set forth his merit; the only, man living of
+my acquaintance who resembles him, is Lord F--, of whom I shall speak in
+the sequel.
+
+"About this time I underwent a very interesting change in the situation
+of my heart. I had sent a message to my old lover S--, desiring he would
+allow my picture, which was in his possession, to be copied; and he
+now transmitted it to me by my lawyer, whom he directed to ask, if I
+intended to be at the next masquerade. This curiosity had a strange
+effect upon my spirits; my heart fluttered at the question, and my
+imagination glowed with a thousand fond presages. I answered in the
+affirmative; and we met by accident at the ball. I could nut behold him
+without emotion: when he accosted me, his well-known voice made my heart
+vibrate, like a musical chord, when its unison is struck. All the ideas
+of our past love, which the lapse of time and absence had enfeebled and
+lulled to sleep, now awoke, and were reinspired by his appearance; so
+that his artful excuses were easily admitted: I forgave him all that
+I had suffered on his account, because he was the natural lord of my
+affection; and our former correspondence was renewed.
+
+"I thought myself in a new world of bliss in consequence of this
+reconciliation, the rapture of which continued unimpaired for the space
+of four months, during which time he was fonder of me, if possible, than
+before; repeated his promise of marriage, if we should ever have it in
+our power; assured me he had never been happy since he left me: that
+he believed no woman loved like me. And indeed, to have a notion of my
+passion for that man, you must first have loved as I did. But, through
+a strange caprice, I broke off the correspondence, out of apprehension
+that he would forsake me again. From his past conduct I dreaded what
+might happen; and the remembrance of what I had undergone by his
+inconstancy, filled my imagination with such horror, that I could not
+endure the shocking prospect, and prematurely plunged myself into the
+danger, rather than endure the terrors of expectation. I remembered
+that his former attachment began in the season of my prosperity, when
+my fortune was in the zenith, and my youth in its prime; and that he had
+forsaken me in the day of trouble when my life became embarrassed, and
+my circumstances were on the decline. I foresaw nothing but continual
+persecution from my husband, and feared, that, once the keener
+transports of our reconciliation should be over, his affection would
+sink under the severity of its trial. In consequence of this desertion,
+I received a letter from him, acknowledging that he was rightly served,
+but that my retreat gave him inexpressible concern.
+
+"Meanwhile Lord -- continued to act in the character of a fiend,
+tormenting me with his nauseous importunities. He prevailed upon the
+duke of L-- to employ his influence in persuading me to live with him;
+assuring his grace, that I had actually promised to give him that proof
+of my obedience, and that I would come home the sooner for being pressed
+to compliance by a person of his rank and character. Induced by these
+representations, the duke honoured me with a visit; and, in the course
+of his exhortations, I understood how he had been thus misinformed. Upon
+which I sent for Lord --, and, in his presence, convicted him of the
+falsehood, by communicating to his grace the articles of our last
+agreement, which he did not think proper to deny; and the duke, being
+undeceived, declared, that he would not have given me the trouble of
+vindicating myself, had he not been misled by the insincerity of my
+lord.
+
+"Baffled in this attempt, he engaged Mr. H-- V--, and afterwards my
+own father, in the same task; and though I still adhered to my first
+resolution, persisted with such obstinacy in his endeavours to make me
+unhappy, that I determined to leave the kingdom. Accordingly, after
+I had spent the evening with him at Ranelagh, I went away about two
+o'clock in the morning, leaving my companion, with directions to restore
+to my lord his house, furniture, plate, and everything he had given me
+since our last accommodation; so far was I, upon this occasion, or at
+any other time of my life, from embezzling any part of his fortune. My
+friend followed my instructions most punctually: and his lordship knows
+and will acknowledge the truth of this assertion.
+
+"Thus have I explained the true cause of my first expedition to
+Flanders, whither the world was good-natured enough to say, I followed
+Mr. B-- and the whole army, which happened to be sent abroad that
+summer. Before my departure, I likewise transmitted to Lord B-- the
+dressing plate, china, and a very considerable settlement, of which he
+had been generous enough to make me a present. This was an instance of
+my integrity, which I thought due to a man who had laid me under great
+obligations; and though I lived to be refused a small sum both by him
+and S--, I do not repent of my disinterested behaviour; all the revenge
+I harbour against the last of these lovers, is the desire of having it
+in my power to do him good.
+
+"I now found myself adrift in the world again, and very richly deserved
+the hardships of my condition, for my indiscretion in leaving Lord B--,
+and in trusting to the word of Lord -- without some further security;
+but I have dearly paid for my imprudence. The more I saw into the
+character of this man, whom destiny hath appointed my scourge, the more
+was I determined to avoid his fellowship and communication; for he and
+I are, in point of disposition, as opposite as any two principles in
+nature. In the first place, he is one of the most unsocial beings that
+ever existed; when I was pleased and happy, he was always out of temper;
+but if he could find means to overcast and cloud my mirth, though never
+so innocent, he then discovered signs of uncommon satisfaction and
+content, because, by this disagreeable temper, he banished all company
+from his house. He is extremely weak of understanding, though he
+possesses a good share of low cunning, which has so egregiously imposed
+upon some people, that they have actually believed him a good-natured
+easy creature, and blamed me because I did not manage him to better
+purpose; but, upon further acquaintance, they have always found him
+obstinate as a mule, and capricious as a monkey. Not that he is utterly
+void of all commendable qualities. He is punctual in paying his debts,
+liberal when in good humour, and would be well-bred, were he not subject
+to fits of absence, during which he is altogether unconversable; but he
+is proud, naturally suspicious, jealous, equally with and without cause,
+never made a friend, and is an utter stranger to the joys of intimacy;
+in short, he hangs like a damp upon society, and may be properly called
+Kill-joy, an epithet which he has justly acquired. He honoured me with
+constant professions of love; but his conduct is so opposite to my
+sentiments of that passion, as to have been the prime source of all my
+misfortunes and affliction; and I have often wished myself the object of
+his hate, in hopes of profiting by a change in his behaviour.
+
+"Indeed, he has not been able to make me more unhappy than I believe
+he is in his own mind; for he is literally a self-tormentor, who never
+enjoyed one gleam of satisfaction except at the expense of another's
+quiet; and yet with this, I had almost called it diabolical quality, he
+expects that I should cherish him with all the tenderness of affection.
+After he has been at pains to incur my aversion, he punishes my disgust,
+by contriving schemes to mortify and perplex me, which have often
+succeeded so effectually, as to endanger my life and constitution; for
+I have been fretted and frighted into sundry fits of illness, and then I
+own I have experienced his care and concern.
+
+"Over and above the oddities I have mentioned, he is so unsteady in his
+economy, that he is always new-modelling his affairs, and exhausting
+his fortune, by laying out ten pounds, in order to save a shilling. He
+inquires into the character of a servant, after he has lived two
+years in his family, and is so ridiculously stocked with vanity and
+self-conceit, that, notwithstanding my assurance before, and the whole
+series of my conduct since our marriage, which ought to have convinced
+him of my dislike, he is still persuaded, that, at bottom, I must admire
+and be enamoured of his agreeable person and accomplishments, and that
+I would not fail to manifest my love, were I not spirited against him
+by his own relations. Perhaps it might be their interest to foment the
+misunderstanding betwixt us; but really they give themselves no trouble
+about our affairs; and, so far as I know them, are a very good sort of
+people. On the whole, I think I may with justice pronounce my precious
+yoke-fellow a trifling, teasing, insufferable, inconsistent creature.
+
+"With the little money which remained of what I had received from
+his lordship for house-keeping, I transported myself to Flanders, and
+arrived in Ghent a few days after our troops were quartered in that
+city, which was so much crowded with these new visitants, that I
+should have found it impracticable to procure a lodging, had I not been
+accommodated by Lord B--, the duke of A--'s youngest brother, who very
+politely gave me up his own. Here I saw my friend Mr. B--, who
+was overjoyed at my arrival, though jealous of every man of his
+acquaintance; for he loved me with all the ardour of passion, and I
+regarded him with all the perfection of friendship, which, had he lived,
+in time might have produced love; though that was a fruit which it
+never brought forth. Notwithstanding his earnest solicitations to the
+contrary, I stayed but a week in Ghent, from whence I proceeded to
+Brussels, and fixed my abode in the Hotel de Flandre, among an agreeable
+set of gentlemen and ladies, with whom I spent my time very cheerfully.
+There was a sort of court in this city, frequented by all the officers
+who could obtain permission to go thither; and the place in general was
+gay and agreeable. I was introduced to the best families, and very
+happy in my acquaintance; for the ladies were polite, good-tempered, and
+obliging, and treated me with the utmost hospitality and respect. Among
+others, I contracted a friendship with Madame la comtesse de C-- and her
+two daughters, who were very amiable young ladies; and became intimate
+with the Princess C-- and Countess W--, lady of the bedchamber to the
+queen of Hungary, and a great favourite of the governor, Monsieur d'H--,
+in whose house she lived with his wife, who was also a lady of a very
+engaging disposition.
+
+"Soon after I had fixed my habitation in Brussels, the company at our
+hotel was increased by three officers, who professed themselves my
+admirers, and came from Ghent, with a view of soliciting my love. This
+triumvirate consisted of the Scotch earl of --, Lord R-M--, and another
+young officer. The first was a man of a very genteel figure and amorous
+complexion, danced well, and had a great deal of good-humour, with a
+mixture of vanity and self-conceit. The second had a good face, though
+a clumsy person, and a very sweet disposition, very much adapted for the
+sentimental passion of love. And the third, Mr. W-- by name, was tall,
+thin, and well-bred, with a great stock of good-nature and vivacity.
+These adventurers began their addresses in general acts of gallantry,
+that comprehended several of my female friends, with whom we used to
+engage in parties of pleasure, both in the city and the environs,
+which are extremely agreeable. When they thought they had taken the
+preliminary steps of securing themselves in my good opinion and esteem,
+they agreed to go on without further delay, and that Lord -- should make
+the first attack upon my heart.
+
+"He accordingly laid siege to me, with such warmth and assiduity, that I
+believe he deceived himself, and began to think he was actually in love;
+though, at bottom, he felt no impulse that deserved the sacred name.
+Though I discouraged him in the beginning, he persecuted me with his
+addresses; he always sat by me at dinner, and imparted a thousand
+trifles in continual whispers, which attracted the notice of the company
+so much, that I began to fear his behaviour would give rise to some
+report to my prejudice, and therefore avoided him with the utmost
+caution. Notwithstanding all my care, however, he found means one night,
+while my maid, who lay in my room, went downstairs, to get into my
+chamber after I was abed. Upon which, I started up, and told him, that,
+if he should approach me, I would alarm the house; for I never wanted
+courage and resolution. Perceiving my displeasure, he kneeled by the
+bedside, begged I would have pity on his sufferings, and swore I
+should have carte blanche to the utmost extent of his fortune. To these
+proposals I made no other reply, but that of protesting I would never
+speak to him again, if he did not quit my apartment that moment; upon
+which he thought proper to withdraw; and I never afterwards gave him
+an opportunity of speaking to me on the same subject. So that, in a
+few weeks, he separated himself from our society; though the ladies of
+Brussels considered him as my lover, because, of all the other officers,
+he was their greatest favourite.
+
+"His lordship being thus repulsed, Mr. W-- took the field, and assailed
+my heart in a very different manner. He said he knew not how to make
+love, but was a man of honour, and would keep the secret, and so forth.
+To this cavalier address I answered, that I was not angry as I otherwise
+should have been, at his blunt declaration, because I found by his own
+confession, he did not know what was due to the sex; and my unhappy
+situation in some shape excused him for a liberty which he would
+not have dreamed of taking, had not my misfortunes encouraged his
+presumption. But I would deal with him in his own way; and, far from
+assuming the prude, frankly assured him, that he was not at all to my
+taste, hoping he would consider my dislike as a sufficient reason to
+reject his love.
+
+"Lord R-- began to feel the symptoms of a genuine passion, which he
+carefully cherished in silence, being naturally diffident and bashful;
+but, by the very means he used to conceal it from my observation,
+I plainly discerned the situation of his heart, and was not at all
+displeased at the progress I had made in his inclinations. Meanwhile he
+cultivated my acquaintance with great assiduity and respect, attended me
+in all my excursions, and particularly in an expedition to Antwerp, with
+two other gentlemen, where, in downright gaiete de coeur, we sat for
+our pictures, which were drawn in one piece, one of the party being
+represented in the dress of a hussar, and another in that of a running
+footman. This incident I mention, because the performance, which is now
+in my possession, gave birth to a thousand groundless reports circulated
+in England at our expense.
+
+"It was immediately after this jaunt that Lord R-- began to disclose his
+passion; though he, at the same time, started such objections as seemed
+to extinguish his hopes, lamenting that, even if he should have the
+happiness to engage my affections, his fortune was too inconsiderable
+to support us against the efforts of Lord --, should he attempt to
+interrupt our felicity, and that he himself was obliged to follow the
+motions of the army. In short, he seemed to consider my felicity more
+than his own, and behaved with such delicacy, as gradually made an
+impression on my heart, so that, when we parted, we agreed to renew our
+correspondence in England.
+
+"In the midst of these agreeable amusements, which I enjoyed in almost
+all the different towns of Flanders, I happened to be at Ghent one day,
+sitting among a good deal of company, in one of their hotels, when a
+post-chaise stopped at the gate; upon which we went to the windows to
+satisfy our curiosity, when who should step out of the convenience, but
+my little insignificant lord! I no sooner announced him to the company,
+than all the gentlemen asked whether they should stay and protect me,
+or withdraw; and when I assured them that their protection was not
+necessary, one and all of them retired; though Lord R-- M-- went no
+farther than the parlour below, being determined to screen me against
+all violence and compulsion. I sent a message to my lord, desiring him
+to walk up into my apartment; but although his sole errand was to see
+and carry me off, he would not venture to accept of my invitation,
+till he had demanded me in form from the governor of the place. That
+gentleman, being altogether a stranger to his person and character,
+referred him to the commanding officer of the English troops, who was a
+man of honour, and, upon his lordship's application, pretended to doubt
+his identity; observing, that he had always heard Lord -- represented
+as a jolly, corpulent man. He gave him to understand, however, that even
+granting him to be the person, I was by no means subject to military
+law, unless he could prove that I had ever listed in his Majesty's
+service.
+
+"Thus disappointed in his endeavours, he returned to the inn, and,
+with much persuasion, trusted himself in my dining-room, after having
+stationed his attendants at the door, in case of accidents. When I asked
+what had procured me the honour of this visit, he told me, his business
+and intention were to carry me home. This declaration produced a
+conference, in which I argued the case with him; and matters were
+accommodated for the present, by my promising to be in England some time
+in September, on condition that he would permit me to live by myself, as
+before, and immediately order the arrears of my pin-money to be paid. He
+assented to everything I proposed, returned in peace to his own country,
+and the deficiencies of my allowance were made good; while I returned
+to Brussels, where I stayed until my departure for England, which I
+regulated in such a manner as was consistent with my engagement.
+
+"I took lodgings in Pall-mall, and, sending for my lord, convinced him
+of my punctuality, and put him in mind of his promise, when, to my utter
+astonishment and confusion, he owned, that his promise was no more than
+a decoy to bring me over, and that I must lay my account with living
+in his house like a dutiful and obedient wife. I heard him with the
+indignation such treatment deserved, upbraiding him with his perfidious
+dealing, which I told him would have determined me against cohabitation
+with him had I not been already resolved; and, being destitute of all
+resource, repaired to Bath, where I afterwards met with Mr. D-- and Mr.
+R--, two gentlemen who had been my fellow-passengers in the yacht from
+Flanders, and treated me with great friendship and politeness, without
+either talking or thinking of love.
+
+"With these gentlemen, who were as idle as myself, I went to the jubilee
+at Preston, which was no other than a great number of people assembled
+in a small town, extremely ill-accommodated, to partake of diversions
+that were bad imitations of plays, concerts, and masquerades. If the
+world should place to the account of my indiscretion my travelling in
+this manner with gentlemen to whom I had no particular attachment, let
+it also be considered, as an alleviation, that I always lived in terror
+of my lord, and consequently was often obliged to shift my quarters; so
+that, my finances being extremely slender, I stood the more in need of
+assistance and protection. I was, besides, young, inconsiderate, and so
+simple, as to suppose the figure of an ugly man would always secure
+me from censure on his account; neither did I ever dream of any man's
+addresses, until he made an actual declaration of his love.
+
+"Upon my return to Bath, I was again harassed by Lord --, who came
+thither accompanied by my father, whom I was very glad to see, though
+he importuned me to comply with my husband's desire, and for the future
+keep measures with the world. This remonstrance about living with
+my lord, which he constantly repeated, was the only instance of his
+unkindness which I ever felt. But all his admonitions were not of force
+sufficient to shake my resolution in that particular; though the debate
+continued so late, that I told his lordship, it was high time to
+retire, for I could not accommodate him with a bed. He then gave me to
+understand, that he would stay where he was; upon which my father took
+his leave, on pretence of looking out for a lodging for himself. The
+little gentleman being now left with me, began to discover some signs of
+apprehension in his looks; but, mustering up all his resolution, he
+went to the door, called up three of his servants, whom he placed as
+sentinels upon the stairs, and flounced into my elbow-chair, where he
+resigned himself to rest. Intending to go to bed, I thought it was but
+just and decent that I should screen myself from the intrusion of his
+footmen, and with that view bolted the door. Lord --, hearing himself
+locked in, started up in the utmost terror and consternation, kicked the
+door with his heel, and screamed aloud, as if he had been in the hands
+of an assassin. My father, who had not yet quitted the house, hearing
+these outcries, ran upstairs again, and, coming through my bedchamber
+into the dining-room where we were, found me almost suffocated with
+laughter, and his heroic son-in-law staring like one who had lost his
+wits, with his hair standing on end.
+
+"When my father asked the meaning of his exclamations, he told him, with
+all the symptoms of dismay, that I had locked him in, and he did not
+understand such usage. But I explained the whole mystery, by saying, I
+had bolted the door because I did not like the company of his servants,
+and could not imagine the cause of his panic, unless he thought I
+designed to ravish him; an insult than which nothing was farther from my
+intention. My father himself could scarce refrain from laughing at his
+ridiculous fear; but, seeing him in great confusion, took pity on his
+condition, and carried him off to his own lodgings, after I had given
+my word that I would not attempt to escape, but give him audience next
+morning. I accordingly kept my promise, and found means to persuade
+them to leave me at my own discretion. Next day I was rallied upon
+the stratagem I had contrived to frighten Lord --; and a thousand idle
+stories were told about this adventure, which happened literally as I
+have related it.
+
+"From Bath I betook myself to a small house near Lincoln, which I had
+hired of the d-- of A--, because a country life suited best with my
+income, which was no more than four hundred pounds a year, and that
+not well paid. I continued some months in this retirement, and saw
+no company, except Lord R-- M--, who lived in the neighbourhood, and
+visited me twice; till, finding myself indisposed, I was obliged to
+remove to London, and took lodgings in Maddox-street, where my garrison
+was taken by storm by my Lord -- and his steward, reinforced by Mr. L--
+V-- (who, as my lord told me, had a subsidy of five-and-twenty pounds
+before he would take the field) and a couple of hardy footmen. This
+formidable band rushed into my apartment, laid violent hands upon me,
+dragged me down-stairs without gloves or a cloak, and, thrusting me into
+a coach that stood at the door, conveyed me to my lord's lodgings in
+Gloucester-street. Upon this occasion, his lordship courageously drew
+his sword upon my woman, who attempted to defend me from his insults,
+and, in all probability, would have intimidated him from proceeding; for
+he looked pale and aghast, his knees knocked together, and he breathed
+thick and hard, with his nostrils dilated, as if he had seen a
+ghost; but he was encouraged by his mercenary associate, who, for the
+five-and-twenty pounds, stood by him in the day of trouble, and spirited
+him on to this gallant enterprise.
+
+"In consequence of this exploit, I was cooped up in a paltry apartment
+in Gloucester-street, where I was close beset by his lordship and his
+worthy steward Mr. H--, with a set of servants that were the creatures
+of this fellow, of whom my lord himself stood in awe, so that I could
+not help thinking myself in Newgate, among thieves and ruffians. To such
+a degree did my terror avail, that I actually believed I was in danger
+of being poisoned, and would not receive any sustenance, except from the
+hands of one harmless-looking fellow, a foreigner, who, was my lord's
+valet-de-chambre. I will not pretend to say my fears were just; but such
+was my opinion of H--, that I never doubted he would put me out of the
+way, if he thought my life interfered with his interest. On the second
+day of my imprisonment, I was visited by the duke of L--, a friend of
+my lord, who found me sitting upon a trunk, in a poor little diningroom
+filled with lumber, and lighted with two bits of tallow candle, which
+had been left overnight. He perceived in my face a mixture of rage,
+indignation, terror, and despair. He compassionated my sufferings,
+though he could not alleviate my distress any other way than by
+interceding with my tyrant to mitigate my oppression. Nevertheless, I
+remained eleven days in this uncomfortable situation: I was watched
+like a criminal all day, and one of the servants walked from one room to
+another all night, in the nature of a patrol; while my lord, who lay in
+the chamber above me, got out of bed and tripped to the window at the
+sound of every coach that chanced to pass through the street. H--, who
+was consummate in the arts of a sycophant, began to court my favour, by
+condoling my affliction, and assuring me, that the only method by which
+I could regain my liberty was a cheerful compliance with the humour of
+my lord. I was fully convinced of the truth of this observation; and,
+though my temper is altogether averse to dissimulation, attempted to
+affect an air of serenity and resignation. But this disguise, I found,
+would not answer my purpose; and therefore I had recourse to the
+assistance of my maid, who was permitted to attend me in my confinement.
+With her I frequently consulted about the means of accomplishing my
+escape. In consequence of our deliberations, she directed a coach and
+six to be ready at a certain part of the town, and to wait for me three
+days in the same place, in case I could not come before the expiration
+of that term.
+
+"This previous measure being taken according to my instructions, the
+next necessary step was to elude the vigilance of my guard: and in this
+manner did I effectuate my purpose. Being by this time indulged in the
+liberty of going out in the coach for the benefit of the air, attended
+by two footmen, who had orders to watch all my motions, I made use
+of this privilege one forenoon, when Lord -- expected some company to
+dinner, and bade the coachman drive to the lodgings of a man who wrote
+with his mouth, intending to give my spies the slip, on pretence of
+seeing this curiosity; but they were too alert in their duty to be thus
+outwitted, and followed me up-stairs into the very apartment.
+
+"Disappointed in this hope, I resolved another scheme, which was
+attended with success. I bought some olives at an oil-shop; and, telling
+the servants I would proceed to St. James's-gate, and take a turn in the
+park, broke one of the bottles by the way, complained of the misfortune
+when I was set down, and desired my coach might be cleaned before my
+return. While my attendants were employed in this office, I tripped
+across the Parade to the Horse Guards, and chanced to meet with an
+acquaintance in the park, who said, he saw by my countenance that I was
+upon some expedition. I owned his suspicion was just, but, as I had not
+time to relate particulars, I quickened my pace, and took possession of
+a hackney-coach, in which I proceeded to the vehicle I had appointed to
+be in waiting.
+
+"While I thus compassed my escape, there was nothing but perplexity and
+confusion at home; dinner was delayed till six o'clock; my lord ran half
+the town over in quest of his equipage, which at last returned, with
+an account of my elopement. My maid was brought to the question, and
+grievously threatened; but, like all the women I ever had, remained
+unshaken in her fidelity. In the meantime, I travelled night and day
+towards my retreat in Lincolnshire, of which his lordship had not,
+as yet, got the least intelligence; and as my coachman was but an
+inexperienced driver, I was obliged to make use of my own skill in that
+exercise, and direct his endeavours the whole way, without venturing to
+go to bed, or take the least repose, until I reached my own habitation.
+There I lived in peace and tranquility for the space of six weeks,
+when I was alarmed by one of my lord's myrmidons, who came into the
+neighbourhood, blustering and swearing that he would carry me off either
+dead or alive.
+
+"It is not to be supposed that I was perfectly easy when I was made
+acquainted with his purpose and declaration, as my whole family
+consisted of no more than a couple of women and one footman. However, I
+summoned up my courage, which had been often tried, and never forsook me
+in the day of danger; and sent him word, that, if ever he should presume
+to approach my house, I would order him to be shot without ceremony.
+The fellow did not choose to put me to the trial, and returned to town
+without his errand: but as the place of my abode was now discovered,
+I laid my account with having a visit from his employer; I therefore
+planted spies upon the road, with a promise of reward to him who should
+bring me the first intelligence of his lordship's approach.
+
+"Accordingly, I was one morning apprised of his coming, and, mounting
+horse immediately, with my woman and valet, away we rode, in defiance of
+winter. In two days I traversed the wilds of Lincolnshire and hundreds
+of Essex, crossed the river at Tilbury, breakfasted at Chatham, by
+the help of a guide and moonlight arrived at Dover the same evening,
+embarked for Calais, in which place I found myself next day at two
+o'clock in the afternoon; and being heartily tired with my journey,
+betook myself to rest. My maid, who was not able to travel with such
+expedition, followed me at an easier pace; and the footman was so
+astonished at my perseverance, that he could not help asking me upon
+the road, if ever I was weary in my life. Certain it is, my spirits
+and resolution have enabled me to undergo fatigues that are almost
+incredible. From Calais I went to Brussels, where I again set up my
+rest in private lodgings; was again perfectly well received by the
+fashionable people of that place; and, by the interest of my friends,
+obtained the queen of Hungary's protection against the persecution of
+my husband, while I should reside in the Austrian Netherlands. Thus
+secured, I lived uncensured, conversing with the English company, with
+which this city was crowded; but spent the most agreeable part of my
+time with the countess of Calemberg, in whose house I generally dined
+and supped. And I also contracted an intimacy with the princess of
+Chemay, who was a great favourite with Madame d'Harrach, the governor's
+lady.
+
+"I had not been long in this happy situation, when I was disturbed by
+the arrival of Lord --, who demanded me of the governor; but finding me
+sheltered from his power, he set out for Vienna; and, in consequence
+of his representations, strengthened with the duke of N--'s name, my
+protection was withdrawn. But, before this application, he had gone to
+the camp, and addressed himself to my Lord Stair, who was my particular
+friend and ally by my first marriage, desiring he would compel me to
+return to his house. His lordship told him, that I was in no shape
+subject to his command; but invited him to dinner, with a view of
+diverting himself and company at the expense of his guest. In the
+evening, he was plied with so many bumpers to my health, that he became
+intoxicated, and extremely obstreperous, insisted upon seeing Lord Stair
+after he was retired to rest, and quarrelled with Lord D--, who being
+a tall, large, raw-boned Scotchman, could have swallowed him at one
+mouthful; but he thought he might venture to challenge him, in hopes of
+being put under arrest by the general. Though he reckoned without his
+host; Lord Stair knew his disposition, and, in order to punish his
+presumption, winked at the affair. The challenger, finding himself
+mistaken in his conjecture, got up early in the morning, and went off
+post for Vienna. And Lord Stair desired a certain man of quality to make
+me a visit, and give me an account of his behaviour.
+
+"Being now deprived of my protection and pin-money, which my generous
+husband would no longer pay, I was reduced to great difficulty and
+distress. The duchess d'Aremberg, Lord G--, and many other persons of
+distinction, interceded in my behalf with his Majesty, who was then
+abroad; but he refused to interpose between man and wife. The countess
+of Calemberg wrote a letter to my father, in which she represented my
+uncomfortable situation, and undertook to answer for my conduct, in case
+he would allow me a small annuity, on which I could live independent
+of Lord --, who, by all accounts, was a wretch with whom I could never
+enjoy the least happiness or quiet, otherwise she would be the first
+to advise me to an accommodation. She gave him to understand, that her
+character was neither doubtful nor obscure; and that, if my conduct
+there had not been irreproachable, she should not have taken me under
+her protection. That, as I proposed to board in a convent, a small
+sum would answer my occasions; but, if that should be denied, I would
+actually go to service, or take some other desperate step, to avoid the
+man who was my bane and aversion.
+
+"To this kind remonstrance my father answered that his fortune would not
+allow him to assist me; he had now a young family; and that I ought,
+at all events, to return to my husband. By this time, such was the
+extremity of my circumstances, that I was forced to pawn my clothes, and
+every trifling trinket in my possession, and even to descend so far as
+to solicit Mr. S-- for a loan of fifty pounds, which he refused. Thus
+was I deserted in my distress by two persons, to whom, in the season
+of my affluence, my purse had been always open. Nothing so effectually
+subdues a spirit unused to supplicate, as want. Repulsed in this manner,
+I had recourse to Lord B--, who was also, it seems, unable to relieve my
+necessities. This mortification I deserved at his hands, though he had
+once put it in my power to be above all such paltry applications; and I
+should not have been compelled to the disagreeable task of troubling my
+friends, had not I voluntarily resigned what he formerly gave me. As to
+the other gentleman to whom I addressed myself on this occasion, I
+think he might have shown more regard to my situation, not only for
+the reasons already mentioned, but because he knew me too well to be
+ignorant of what I must have suffered in condescending to make such a
+request.
+
+"Several officers, who guessed my adversity, generously offered to
+supply me with money; but I could not bring myself to make use of their
+friendship, or even to own my distress, except to one person, of whom I
+borrowed a small sum. To crown my misfortunes, I was taken very ill,
+at a time when there was no other way of avoiding the clutches of my
+persecutor but by a precipitate flight. In this emergency, I applied
+to a worthy gentleman of Brussels, a very good friend of mine, but no
+lover. I say no lover, because every man is supposed to act in that
+capacity who befriends a young woman in distress. This generous Fleming
+set out with me in the night from Brussels, and conducted me to the
+frontier of France. Being very much indisposed both in mind and body
+when I was obliged to undertake this expedition, I should in all
+probability have sunk under the fatigue of travelling, had not my
+spirits been kept up by the conversation of my companion, who was a man
+of business and consequence, and undertook to manage my affairs in such
+a manner as would enable me to re-establish my residence in the place I
+had left. He was young and active, attended me with the utmost care and
+assiduity, and left nothing undone which he thought would contribute to
+my ease and satisfaction. I believe his friendship for me was a little
+tinctured with another passion; but he was married, and lived very well
+with his wife, who was also my friend; so that he knew I would never
+think of him in the light of a lover.
+
+"Upon our arrival at Valenciennes, he accommodated me with a little
+money, for a little was all I would take, and returned to his own city,
+after we had settled a correspondence by letters. I was detained a
+day or two in this place by my indisposition, which increased; but,
+nevertheless, proceeded to Paris, to make interest for a protection from
+the king of France, which that monarch graciously accorded me, in three
+days after my first application, and his minister sent orders to all the
+governors and intendants of the province towns, to protect me against
+the efforts of Lord ----, in whatever place I should choose to reside.
+
+"Having returned my thanks at Versailles for this favour, and tarried
+a few days at Paris, which was a place altogether unsuitable to the
+low ebb of my fortune, I repaired to Lisle, where I intended to fix my
+habitation; and there my disorder recurred with such violence, that I
+was obliged to send for a physician, who seemed to have been a disciple
+of Sangrado; for he scarce left a drop of blood in my body, and yet I
+found myself never a whit the better. Indeed, I was so much exhausted by
+these evacuations, and my constitution so much impaired by fatigue and
+perturbation of mind, that I had no other hope of recovering but that of
+reaching England, and putting myself under the direction of a physician
+on whose ability I could depend.
+
+"With this doubtful prospect, therefore, I determined to attempt a
+return to my native air, and actually departed from Lisle, in such a
+melancholy, enfeebled condition, that I had almost fainted when I was
+put into the coach. But before I resolved upon this journey, I was
+reduced to the utmost exigence of fortune, so that I could scarce afford
+to buy provisions, had it been in my power to eat, and should not have
+been able to defray my travelling expenses, had I not been generously
+befriended by Lord R-- H--, who, I am sure, would have done anything
+for my case and accommodation, though he has unjustly incurred the
+imputation of being parsimonious, and I had no reason to expect any such
+favour at his hands.
+
+"In this deplorable state of health I was conveyed to Calais, being all
+the way, as it were, in the arms of death, without having swallowed the
+least sustenance on the road. So much was my indisposition augmented by
+the fatigue of the journey, that I swooned when I was brought into the
+inn, and had almost expired before I could receive the least assistance
+or advice. However, my spirits were a little revived by some bread and
+wine, which I took at the persuasion of a French surgeon, who, chancing
+to pass by the door, was called up to my relief. Having sent my servant
+to Brussels, to take care of my clothes, I embarked in the packet-boat,
+and by the time we arrived at Dover was almost in extremity.
+
+"Here I found a return coach, in which I was carried to London, and was
+put to bed at the house we put up at, more dead than alive. The people
+of the inn sent for an apothecary, who administered some cordial that
+recalled me to life; and, when I recovered the use of speech, I told him
+who I was, and desired him to wait upon Dr. S--, and inform him of my
+situation. A young girl, who was niece to the landlord's wife, seeing
+me unattended, made a tender of her service to me, and I accepted the
+offer, as well as of a lodging in the apothecary's house, to which I was
+conveyed as soon as my strength would admit of my removal. There I was
+visited by my physician, who was shocked to find me in such a dangerous
+condition. However, having considered my case, he perceived that
+my indisposition proceeded from the calamities I had undergone, and
+encouraged me with the hope of a speedy cure, provided I could be kept
+easy and undisturbed. I was accordingly attended with all imaginable
+care; my lord's name being never mentioned in my hearing, because I
+considered him as the fatal source of all my misfortunes; and in a month
+I recovered my health, by the great skill and tenderness of my
+doctor, who now finding me strong enough to encounter fresh troubles,
+endeavoured to persuade me, that it would be my wisest step to return
+to my husband, whom at that time he had often occasion to see. But I
+rejected his proposal, commencing a new lawsuit for separation, and took
+a small house in St. James's-square.
+
+"About this time my woman returned from Brussels, but without my
+clothes, which were detained on account of the money I owed in that
+place; and, asking her dismission from my service, set up shop for
+herself. I had not lived many weeks in my new habitation, when my
+persecutor renewed his attempts to make himself master of my person;
+but I had learned from experience to redouble my vigilance, and he was
+frustrated in all his endeavours. I was again happy in the conversation
+of my former acquaintance, and visited by a great number of gentlemen,
+mostly persons of probity and sense, who cultivated my friendship,
+without any other motive of attachment. Not that I was unsolicited on
+the article of love. That was a theme on which I never wanted orators;
+and could I have prevailed upon myself to profit by the advances that
+were made, I might have managed my opportunities so as to have set
+fortune at defiance for the future. But I was none of these economists
+who can sacrifice their hearts to interested considerations.
+
+"One evening, while I was conversing with three or four of my friends,
+my lawyer came in, and told me he had something of consequence to
+impart; upon which all the gentlemen but one went away. Then he gave me
+to understand, that my suit would immediately come to trial; and, though
+he hoped the best, the issue was uncertain. That, if it should be given
+against me, the decision would inspire my lord with fresh spirits to
+disturb my peace, and, therefore, it would be convenient for me to
+retire, until the affair should be brought to a determination.
+
+"I was very much disconcerted at this intelligence; and the gentleman
+who stayed, perceiving my concern, asked what I intended to do, or if he
+could serve me in any shape, and desired to know whither I proposed to
+retreat. I affected to laugh, and answered, "To a garret, I believe." To
+this overstrained reasoning he replied, that if I should, his friendship
+and regard would find the way to my apartment; and I had no reason to
+doubt the sincerity of his declaration. We consulted about the measures
+I should take, and I determined to remove into the country, where I was
+soon favoured with a letter from him, wherein he expressed the infinite
+pleasure he had in being able to assure me that my suit had been
+successful, and that I might appear again with great safety.
+
+"Accordingly, I returned to town in his coach and six, which he had
+sent for my convenience, and the same evening went with him to the
+masquerade, where we passed the night very agreeably, his spirits, as
+well as mine, being elevated to a joyous pitch by the happy event of
+my process. This gentleman was a person of great honour, worth, and
+good-nature; he loved me extremely, but did not care that I should know
+the extent of his passion. On the contrary, he endeavoured to persuade
+me, he had laid it down as a maxim, that no woman should ever have power
+enough over his heart to give him the least pain or disquiet. In short,
+he had made a progress in my affection, and to his generosity was
+I indebted for my subsistence two whole years; during which, he was
+continually professing this philosophic indifference, while, at the same
+time, he was giving me daily assurances of his friendship and esteem,
+and treated me with incessant marks of the most passionate love; so
+that I concluded his intention was cold, though his temper was warm.
+Considering myself as an encumbrance upon his fortune, I redoubled my
+endeavours to obtain a separate maintenance from my lord, and removed
+from St. James's-square to lodgings at Kensington, where I had not
+long enjoyed myself in tranquility, before I was interrupted by a very
+unexpected visit.
+
+"While I was busy one day dressing in my dining-room, I found his
+lordship at my elbow before I was aware of his approach, although his
+coach was at the door, and the house already in the possession of his
+servants. He accosted me in the usual style, as if we had parted the
+night before; and I answered him with an appearance of the same careless
+familiarity, desiring him to sit down, while I retreated to my chamber,
+locked the door, and fairly went to bed; being perhaps the first woman
+who went thither for protection from the insults of a man. Here, then.
+I immured myself with my faithful Abigail. My lord finding me secured,
+knocked at the door, and through the keyhole begged to be admitted,
+assuring me that all he wanted was a conference. I desired to be
+excused, though I believed his assurance; but I had no inclination to
+converse with him, because I knew from experience the nature of his
+conversation, which was so disagreeable and tormenting, that I would
+have exchanged it at any time for a good beating, and thought myself
+a gainer by the bargain. However, he persisted in his importunities to
+such a degree, that I assented to his proposal, on condition that the
+duke of L-- should be present at the interview: and he immediately sent
+a message for his grace, while I, in peace, ate my breakfast, conveyed
+in a basket, which was hoisted up to the window of my bedchamber.
+
+"The duke was so kind as to come at my lord's request, and, before I
+would open the door, gave me his word, that I should be protected from
+all violence and compulsion. Thus assured, they were permitted to enter.
+My little gentleman, sitting down by my bedside, began to repeat the old
+hackneyed arguments he had formerly used, with a view of inducing me
+to live with him; and I, on my side, repeated my former objections, or
+pretended to listen to his representations, while my imagination was
+employed in contriving the means of effecting an escape, as the duke
+easily perceived by my countenance.
+
+"Finding all his remonstrances ineffectual, he quitted the chamber, and
+left his cause to the eloquence of his grace, who sat with me a whole
+half-hour, without exerting himself much in behalf of his client,
+because he knew I was altogether obstinate and determined on that score;
+but joked upon the behaviour of his lordship, who, though jealous of
+most people, had left him alone with me in my bedchamber, observing,
+that he must neither have great confidence in his virtue, or a very
+bad opinion of him otherwise. In short, I found means to defer the
+categorical answer till next day, and invited the duke and his lordship
+to dine with me to-morrow. My wise yoke-fellow seemed to doubt the
+sincerity of this invitation, and was very much disposed to keep
+possession of my house. But, by the persuasion of his grace, and the
+advice of H--, who was his chief counsellor and back, he was prevailed
+upon to take my word, and for the present left me.
+
+"They were no sooner retired, than I rose with great expedition, packed
+up my clothes, and took shelter in Essex for the first time. Next day,
+my lord and his noble friend came to dinner, according to appointment;
+and being informed of my escape by my woman, whom I left in the house,
+his lordship discovered some signs of discontent, and insisted upon
+seeing my papers; upon which my maid produced a parcel of bills which
+I owed to different people. Notwithstanding this disappointment, he sat
+down to what was provided for dinner, and with great deliberation ate up
+a leg of lamb, the best part of a fowl, and something else, which I do
+not now remember; and then very peaceably went away, giving my maid an
+opportunity of following me to the place of my retreat.
+
+"My intention was to have sought refuge, as formerly, in another
+country; but I was prevented from putting my design in execution by a
+fit of illness, during which I was visited by my physician and some of
+my own relations, particularly a distant cousin of mine, whom my lord
+had engaged in his interests, by promising to recompense her amply, if
+she could persuade me to comply with his desire. In this office she was
+assisted by the doctor, who was my friend, and a man of sense, for whom
+I have the most perfect esteem, though he and I have often differed
+in point of opinion. In a word, I was exposed to the incessant
+importunities of all my acquaintance, which, added to the desperate
+circumstances of my fortune, compelled me to embrace the terms that were
+offered, and I again returned to the domestic duties of a wife.
+
+"I was conducted to my lord's house by an old friend of mine, a
+gentleman turned of fifty, of admirable parts and understanding; he
+was a pleasing companion, cheerful and humane, and had acquired a great
+share of my esteem and respect. In a word, his advice had great weight
+in my deliberations, because it seemed to be the result of experience
+and disinterested friendship. Without all doubt, he had an unfeigned
+concern for my welfare; but, being an admirable politician, his scheme
+was to make my interest coincide with his own inclinations; for I had,
+unwittingly, made an innovation upon his heart; and as he thought I
+should hardly favour his passion while I was at liberty to converse with
+the rest of my admirers, he counselled me to surrender that freedom,
+well knowing that my lord would be easily persuaded to banish all his
+rivals from the house; in which case, he did not doubt of his being able
+to insinuate himself into my affections; because he laid it down as an
+eternal truth, that, if any two persons of different sexes were obliged
+to live together in a desert, where they would be excluded from all
+other human intercourse, they would naturally and inevitably contract an
+inclination for each other.
+
+"How just this hypothesis might be, I leave to the determination of the
+curious; though, if I may be allowed to judge from my own disposition,
+a couple so situated would be apt to imbibe mutual disgusts from the
+nature and necessity of their union, unless their association was at
+first the effect of reciprocal affection and esteem. Be this as it will,
+I honour the gentleman for his plan, which was ingeniously contrived,
+and artfully conducted; but I happened to have too much address for him
+in the sequel, cunning as he was, though at first I did not perceive his
+drift; and his lordship was much less likely to comprehend his meaning.
+
+"Immediately after this new accommodation, I was carried to a country
+house belonging to my lord, and was simple enough to venture myself,
+unattended by any servant on whose integrity I could depend, in the
+hands of his lordship, and H--, whose villainy I always dreaded;
+though, at this time, my apprehensions were considerably increased by
+recollecting, that it was not his interest to let me live in the house,
+lest his conduct should be inquired into; and by remembering that the
+very house to which we were going had been twice burnt down in a very
+short space of time, not without suspicion of his having been the
+incendiary, on account of some box of writings which was lost in the
+conflagration. True it is, this imputation was never made good; and,
+perhaps, he was altogether innocent of the charge, which nevertheless
+affected my spirits in such a manner, as rendered me the most miserable
+of all mortals. In this terror did I remain, till my consternation was
+awakened by the arrival of Mr. B--, a good-natured worthy man, whom my
+lord had invited to his house, and I thought would not see me ill-used.
+In a few weeks we were joined by Dr. S-- and his lady, who visited us
+according to their promise; and it was resolved that we should set out
+for Tunbridge, on a party of pleasure, and at our return examine H--'s
+accounts.
+
+"This last part of our scheme was not at all relished by our worthy
+steward, who therefore determined to overturn our whole plan, and
+succeeded accordingly. My lord, all of a sudden, declared himself
+against the jaunt we had projected, and insisted upon my staying at
+home, without assigning any reason for this peremptory behaviour; his
+countenance being cloudy, and, for the space of three days, he did not
+open his mouth. At last, he one night entered my bedchamber, to which
+he now had free access, with his sword under his arm, and, if I remember
+aright, it was ready drawn. I could not help taking notice of this
+alarming circumstance, which shocked me the more, as it happened
+immediately after a gloomy fit of discontent. However, I seemed to
+overlook the incident, and, dismissing my maid, went to bed; because I
+was ashamed to acknowledge, even to my own heart, any dread of a person
+whom I despised so much. However, the strength of my constitution was
+not equal to the fortitude of my mind. I was taken ill, and the servants
+were obliged to be called up; while my lord himself, terrified at my
+situation, ran upstairs to Mrs. S--, who was in bed, told her, with
+evident perturbation of spirits, that I was very much indisposed, and
+said, he believed I was frightened by his entering my chamber with his
+sword in hand.
+
+"This lady was so startled at his information, that she ran into my
+apartment half naked, and as she went down-stairs, asked what reason
+could induce him to have carried his sword with him. Upon which he gave
+her to understand, that his intention was to kill the bats. I believe
+and hope he had no other design than that of intimidating me; but when
+the affair happened, I was of a different opinion. Mrs. S--, having put
+on her clothes, sat up all night by my bedside, and was so good as to
+assure me that she would not leave me until I should be safely delivered
+from the apprehensions that surrounded me in this house, to which she
+and the doctor had been the principal cause of my coming; for my lord
+had haunted and importuned them incessantly on this subject, protesting
+that he loved me with the most inviolable affection; and all he desired
+was, that I would sit at his table, manage his family, and share his
+fortune. By these professions, uttered with an air of honesty and
+good-nature, he had imposed himself upon them for the best tempered
+creature upon earth; and they used all their influence with me to take
+him into favour. This has been the case with a great many people, who
+had but a superficial knowledge of his disposition; but, in the course
+of their acquaintance, they have never failed to discern and acknowledge
+their mistake.
+
+"The doctor, on his return from Tunbridge, to which place he had made a
+trip by himself, found me ill abed, and the whole family in confusion.
+Surprised and concerned at this disorder, he entered into expostulation
+with my lord, who owned, that the cause of his displeasure and disquiet
+was no other than jealousy. He had informed him, that I had been seen
+to walk out with Mr. Bal-- in a morning; and that our correspondence had
+been observed, with many additional circumstances, which were absolutely
+false and groundless. This imputation was no sooner understood, than it
+was resolved that the accuser should be examined in presence of us all.
+He accordingly appeared, exceedingly drunk, though it was morning, and
+repeated the articles of the charge, as an information he had received
+from a man who came from town to hang the bells, and was long ago
+returned to London.
+
+"This was an instance of his cunning and address, which did not forsake
+him even in his hours of intoxication. Had he fixed the calumny on any
+one of the servants, he would have been confronted and detected in his
+falsehood. Nevertheless, though he could not be legally convicted,
+it plainly appeared that he was the author of this defamation, which
+incensed Mr. Bal-- to such a degree, that he could scarce be withheld
+from punishing him on the spot, by manual chastisement. However, he
+was prevailed upon to abstain from such immediate vengeance, as a step
+unworthy of his character; and the affair was brought to this issue,
+that his lordship should either part with me or Mr. H--; for I was fully
+determined against living under the same roof with such an incendiary.
+
+"This alternative being proposed, my lord dismissed his steward, and we
+returned to town with the doctor and Mrs. S--; for I had imbibed such
+horror and aversion for this country seat, though one of the pleasantest
+in England, that I could not bear to live in it. We therefore removed to
+a house in Bond-street, where, according to the advice of my friends, I
+exerted my whole power and complaisance in endeavours to keep my husband
+in good-humour, but was so unsuccessful in my attempts, that, if ever he
+was worse tempered, more capricious, or intolerable, at one time than at
+another, this was the season in which his ill-humour predominated in the
+most rancorous degree. I was scarce ever permitted to stir abroad, saw
+nobody at home, but my old male friend, whom I have mentioned above; and
+the doctor, with his lady, from whose conversation, also, I was at last
+excluded.
+
+"Nevertheless, I contrived to steal a meeting now and then with my late
+benefactor, for whom I entertained a great share of affection, exclusive
+of that gratitude that was due to his generosity. It was not his fault
+that I compromised matters with my lord; for he was as free of his purse
+as I was unwilling to use it. It would, therefore, have been unfriendly,
+unkind, and ungrateful in me, now that I was in affluence, to avoid all
+intercourse with a man who had supported me in adversity. I think people
+cannot be too shy and scrupulous in receiving favours; but once they are
+conferred, they ought never to forget the obligation. And I was never
+more concerned at any incident of my life, than at hearing that this
+gentleman did not receive a letter, in which I acknowledged the last
+proof of his friendship and liberality which I had occasion to use,
+because I have since learned that he suspected me of neglect.
+
+"But to return to my situation in Bond-street. I bore it as well as I
+could for the space of three months, during which I lived in the midst
+of spies, who were employed to watch my conduct, and underwent every
+mortification that malice, power, and folly could inflict. Nay, so
+ridiculous, so unreasonable was my tyrant in his spleen, that he
+declared he would even be jealous of Heydigger, if there was no other
+man to incur his suspicion: he expected that I should spend my whole
+time with him tete-a-tete; when I sacrificed my enjoyment to these
+comfortable parties, he never failed to lay hold on some innocent
+expression of mine, which he made the foundation of a quarrel; and, when
+I strove to avoid these disagreeable misinterpretations by reading or
+writing, he incessantly teased and tormented me with the imputation of
+being peevish, sullen, and reserved.
+
+"Harassed by this insufferable behaviour, I communicated my case to
+Dr. S-- and his lady, intimating that I neither could nor would expose
+myself any longer to such usage. The doctor exhorted me to bear my fate
+with patience; and Mrs. S-- was silent on the subject; so that I still
+hesitated between staying and going, when the doctor, being one night at
+supper, happened to have some words with my lord, who was so violently
+transported with passion, that I was actually afraid of going to
+bed with him; and next morning, when he awakened, there was such an
+expression of frantic wildness in his countenance, that I imagined he
+was actually distracted.
+
+"This alarming circumstance confirmed me in my resolution of decamping;
+and I accordingly moved my quarters to a house in Sackville-street,
+where I had lodged when I was a widow. From thence I sent a message
+to the duke of L--, desiring he would make my lord acquainted with the
+place of my abode, my reasons for removing, and my intention to defend
+myself against all his attempts. The first night of this separation I
+went to bed by myself with as much pleasure as a man would feel in going
+to bed to his mistress whom he had long solicited in vain, so rejoiced
+was I to be delivered from my obnoxious bedfellow!
+
+"From these lodgings I soon moved to Brook-street, where I had not long
+enjoyed the sweets of my escape, when I was importuned to return, by a
+new steward whom my lord had engaged in the room of H--. This gentleman,
+who bore a very fair character, made such judicious representations, and
+behaved so candidly in the discharge of his function, that I agreed
+he should act as umpire in the difference betwixt us, and once more
+a reconciliation was effected, though his lordship began to be
+dissatisfied even before the execution of our agreement; in consequence
+of which he attended me to Bath, whither I went for the benefit of my
+health, which was not a little impaired.
+
+"This accommodation had a surprising effect upon my lover, who,
+notwithstanding his repeated declarations, that no woman should ever
+gain such an ascendancy over his heart as to be able to give him pain,
+suffered all the agonies of disappointed love, when he now found himself
+deprived of the opportunities of seeing me, and behaved very differently
+from what he had imagined he should. His words and actions were
+desperate: one of his expressions to me was, "It is like twisting my
+heart-strings, and tearing it out of my body." Indeed, I never should
+have acted this part had I foreseen what he would have suffered; but
+I protest I believed him, when he said otherwise, so much, that his
+declaration on that subject was the occasion of my giving him up; and it
+was now too late to retract.
+
+"In our expedition to Bath, I was accompanied by a very agreeable young
+lady, with whom I passed my time very happily, amid the diversions of
+the place, which screened me, in a good measure, from the vexatious
+society of my hopeful partner. From this place we repaired to his seat
+in the country, where we spent a few months, and thence returned again
+to our house in Bond-street. Here, while I was confined to my bed by
+illness, it was supposed my indisposition was no other than a private
+lying-in, though I was under the roof with my lord, and attended by his
+servants.
+
+"While the distemper continued, my lord, to do him justice, behaved with
+all imaginable tenderness and care; and his concern on these occasions I
+have already mentioned as a strange inconsistency in his disposition.
+If his actions were at all accountable, I should think he took pains to
+fret me into a fever first, in order to manifest his love and humanity
+afterwards. When I recovered my strength and spirits, I went abroad,
+saw company, and should have been easy, had he been contented; but as
+my satisfaction increased, his good-humour decayed, and he banished from
+his house, one by one, all the people whose conversation could have made
+my life agreeable.
+
+"I often expostulated with him on his malignant behaviour, protesting
+my desire of living peaceably with him, and begging he would not lay
+me under the necessity of changing my measures. He was deaf to all
+my remonstrances, though I warned him more than once of the event,
+persisted in his maxims of persecution; and, after repeated quarrels, I
+again left his house fully determined to suffer all sorts of extremity,
+rather than subject myself to the tyranny of his disposition.
+
+"This year was productive of one fatal event, which I felt with
+the utmost sensibility of sorrow, and I shall always remember with
+regret:--I mean the death of Mr. B--, with whom I had constantly
+maintained an intimate correspondence since the first commencement of
+our acquaintance. He was one of the most valuable men, and promised
+to be one of the brightest ornaments that this or any other age had
+produced. I enjoyed his friendship without reserve; and such was the
+confidence he reposed in my integrity, from long experience of my truth,
+that he often said he would believe my bare assertion, even though it
+should contradict the evidence of his own senses. These being the terms
+upon which we lived, it is not to be supposed that I bore the loss of
+him without repining. Indeed, my grief was unspeakable; and, though the
+edge of it be now smoothed by the lenient hand of time, I shall never
+cease to cherish his memory with the most tender remembrance.
+
+"During the last period of my living with my lord, I had agreed to the
+expediency of obtaining an act of parliament, which would enable him to
+pay his debts; on which occasion there was a necessity of cancelling a
+deed that subsisted between us, relating to a separate maintenance, to
+which, on certain provisions, I was entitled; and this was to be set
+aside, so far as it interfered with the above-mentioned scheme, while
+the rest of it should remain in force. When this affair was about to
+be transacted, my lord very generously insisted upon my concurrence in
+annulling the whole settlement; and, when I refused to comply with this
+demand, because this was the sole resource I had against his ill-usage,
+he would not proceed in the execution of his plan, though, by dropping
+it, he hurt nobody but himself; and he accused me of having receded from
+my word, after I had drawn him into considerable expense.
+
+"This imputation of breaking my word, which I defy the whole world to
+prove I ever did, incensed me the more, as I myself had proposed the
+scheme for his service, although I knew the accomplishment of it would
+endanger the validity of my own settlement; and my indignation was still
+more augmented by the behaviour of Mr. G--, who had always professed
+a regard for my interest, and upon my last accommodation with my lord,
+undertaken to effect a reconciliation between my father and me; but,
+when he was questioned about the particulars of this difference, and
+desired to declare whether his lordship or I was to blame, he declined
+the office of arbitrator, refused to be explicit upon the subject, and
+by certain shrewd hums and ha's, signified his disapprobation of my
+conduct. Yet this very man, when I imparted to him, in confidence, my
+intention of making another retreat, and frankly asked his opinion of
+my design, seemed to acquiesce in the justice of it in these remarkable
+words: 'Madam, if I thought or had hopes of my lord growing better, I
+would down on my knees to desire you to stay; but, as I have not, I say
+nothing.'
+
+"If he connived at my conduct in this particular, why should he
+disapprove of it when all I asked was but common justice? But he was
+a dependant; and therefore I excuse his phlegmatic, not to call it
+unfriendly, behaviour. Indeed, he could not be too cautious of giving
+offence to his lordship, who sometimes made him feel the effects of that
+wrath which other people had kindled; particularly in consequence of a
+small adventure which happened about this very period of time.
+
+"A very agreeable, sprightly, good-natured young man, a near relation of
+my lord, happening to be at our house one evening, when there was a fire
+in the neighbourhood, we agreed to go and sup at the tavern en famille;
+and, having spent the evening with great mirth and good-humour, this
+young gentleman, who was naturally facetious, in taking his leave,
+saluted us all round. My lord, who had before entertained some jealousy
+of his kinsman, was very much provoked by this trifling incident, but
+very prudently suppressed his displeasure till he returned to his own
+house, where his rage co-operating with the champagne he had drunk,
+inflamed him to such a degree of resolution, that he sprang upon the
+innocent G--, and collared him with great fury, though he was altogether
+unconcerned in the cause of his indignation.
+
+"This extravagant and frantic behaviour, added to other grievances under
+which I laboured, hastened my resolution of leaving him; and he, to this
+day, blames his relation as the immediate cause of my escape, whereas
+he ought to place it to the account of his own madness and indiscretion.
+When I retired to Park-street, he cautioned all my tradesmen, not even
+excepting my baker, against giving me credit, assuring them that he
+would not pay any debts I should contract; and the difficulties to which
+I was reduced, in consequence of this charitable declaration, together
+with the reflection of what I had suffered, and might undergo, from the
+caprice and barbarity of his disposition, affected my health so much,
+that I was again taken ill, and my life thought in danger.
+
+"My constitution, however, got the better of my distemper, and I was
+ordered into the country by my physicians, for the benefit of the air;
+so that I found myself under the necessity of keeping two houses, when
+I was little able to support one, and set up my chariot, because I could
+not defray the expense of a hackney-coach; for I had as much credit
+given me as I asked for, notwithstanding my lord's orders to the
+contrary.
+
+"Having recruited my spirits in the country, I returned to town, and
+was visited by my friends, who never forsook me in adversity, and in the
+summer removed to a house in Essex, where I lived a few months in great
+tranquility, unmolested by my tyrant, who sometimes gave me a whole
+year's respite. Here I used to ride and drive by turns, as my humour
+dictated, with horses which were lent me; and I had the company of my
+lover, and another gentleman, who was a very agreeable companion, and of
+singular service to me in the sequel.
+
+"At last, my lord having received intelligence of the place of my abode,
+and his tormenting humour recurring, he set out for my habitation, and
+in the morning appeared in his coach and six, attended by Mr. G--
+and another person, whom he had engaged for the purpose, with several
+domestics armed. I immediately shut up my doors at his approach, and
+refused him admittance, which he endeavoured to obtain by a succession
+of prayers and threats; but I was deaf to both, and resolved to hold out
+to the last. Seeing me determined, he began his attack, and his servants
+actually forced their way into the house; upon which I retreated
+up-stairs, and fortified myself in my apartment, which the assailants
+stormed with such fury, that the door began to give way, and I retired
+into another room.
+
+"Whilst I remained in this post, Mr. G-- demanded a parley, in which he
+begged I would favour my lord with an interview, otherwise he knew not
+what might be the consequence. To this remonstrance I replied, that I
+was not disposed to comply with his request; and though their
+design should be murder, I was not at all afraid of death. Upon this
+declaration they renewed their attacks, which they carried on with
+indifferent success till the afternoon, when my lord, as if he had been
+at play, sent a formal message to me, desiring that all hostilities
+should cease, till after both parties should have dined. At the same
+time, my own servants came for instructions; and I ordered them to let
+him have everything which he should call for, as far as the house would
+afford.
+
+"He did not fail to make use of this permission; but sitting down with
+his companions, ate up my dinner without hesitation, after he had paid
+me the compliment of desiring to know what he should send up to my
+apartment. Far from having any stomach to partake of his meal, I sat
+solitary upon my bed, in a state of melancholy expectation, having
+fastened the door of the outward room for my security, while I kept my
+chamber open for the convenience of air, the weather being excessively
+hot. His lordship, having indulged his appetite, resumed his attempt,
+and all of a sudden I heard a noise in the next room; upon which I
+started up, and perceiving that he had got into my ante-chamber, by the
+help of a bench that stood under the window, I flung to the door of my
+room, which I locked with great expedition, and opening another that
+communicated with the staircase, ran out of the house, through a crowd
+of more than a hundred people, whom this fray had gathered together.
+
+"Being universally beloved in the neighbourhood, and respected by my
+lord's servants, I passed among them untouched, and took refuge in
+a neighbouring cottage; while his lordship bawled and roared for
+assistance, being afraid to come out as he had gone in. Without waiting
+for his deliberations, I changed clothes with the poor woman who had
+given me shelter, and in her blue apron and straw hat sallied out into
+the fields, intending to seek protection in the house of a gentleman not
+far off, though I was utterly ignorant of the road that led me to it.
+However, it was my good fortune to meet with a farmer, who undertook to
+conduct me to the place; otherwise I should have missed my way, and
+in all probability lain in the fields; for by this time it was eight
+o'clock at night.
+
+"Under the direction of this guide, I traversed hedges and ditches; for
+I would not venture to travel in the highway, lest I should fall into
+the hands of my pursuer, and after I had actually tumbled into the mire,
+and walked six or seven long miles by the help of a good spirit, which
+never failed me on such occasions, I arrived at the place, and rung the
+bell at the garden gate for admittance. Seeing my figure, which was very
+uncouth, together with my draggled condition, they denied me entrance;
+but, when they understood who I was, immediately opened the door, and I
+was hospitably entertained, after having been the subject of mirth, on
+account of my dress and adventure.
+
+"Next day I returned and took possession of my house again, where I
+resumed my former amusements, which I enjoyed in quiet for the space
+of a whole month, waiting with resignation for the issue of my lawsuit;
+when, one afternoon, I was apprised of his lordship's approach by one
+of my spies, whom I always employed to reconnoitre the road; and so
+fortunate was I in the choice of these scouts, that I never was betrayed
+by one of them, though they were often bribed for that purpose. I
+no sooner received this intelligence, than I ordered my horse to be
+saddled, and, mounting, rode out of sight immediately, directing my
+course a different way from the London road. I had not long proceeded
+in this track, when my career was all of a sudden stopped by a five-bar
+gate, which, after some hesitation, I resolved to leap (my horse being
+an old hunter), if I should find myself pursued. However, with much
+difficulty I made a shift to open it, and arrived in safety at the house
+of my very good friend Mr. G--, who, being a justice of the peace, had
+promised me his protection, if it should be wanted.
+
+"Thus secured for the present, I sent out spies to bring information of
+his lordship's proceedings, and understood that he had taken possession
+of my house, turned my servants adrift, and made himself master of all
+my movables, clothes, and papers. As for the papers, they were of no
+consequence, but of clothes I had a good stock; and, when I had reason
+to believe that he did not intend to relinquish his conquest, I thought
+it was high time for me to remove to a greater distance from his
+quarters. Accordingly, two days after my escape, I set out at eleven
+o'clock at night, in a chariot and four, which I borrowed of my friend,
+attended by a footman, who was a stout fellow, and well armed, I
+myself being provided with a brace of good pistols, which I was fully
+determined to use against any person who should presume to lay violent
+hands upon me, except my lord, for whom a less mortal weapon would have
+sufficed, such as a bodkin or a tinder-box. Nothing could be farther
+from my intention than the desire of hurting any living creature, much
+less my husband: my design was only to defend myself from cruelty and
+oppression, which I knew, by fatal experience, would infallibly be my
+lot, should he get me into his power. And I thought I had as good a
+right to preserve my happiness, as that which every individual has
+to preserve his life, especially against a set of ruffians, who were
+engaged to rob me of it for a little dirty lucre.
+
+"In the midst of our journey, the footman came up, and told me I was
+dogged; upon which I looked out, and, seeing a man riding by the chariot
+side, presented one of my pistols out of my window, and preserved that
+posture of defence, until he thought proper to retreat, and rid me of
+the fears that attended his company. I arrived in town, and, changing
+my equipage, hired an open chaise, in which, though I was almost starved
+with cold, I travelled to Reading, which I reached by ten next morning;
+and from thence proceeded farther in the country, with a view of taking
+refuge with Mrs. C--, who was my particular friend. Here I should
+have found shelter, though my lord had been beforehand with me, and
+endeavoured to prepossess her against my conduct, had not the house
+been crowded with company, among whom I could not possibly have been
+concealed, especially from her brother, who was an intimate friend of my
+persecutor.
+
+"Things being thus situated, I enjoyed but a very short interview with
+her, in which her sorrow and perplexity on my account appeared with
+great expression in her countenance; and, though it was not in her power
+to afford me the relief I expected, she, in the most genteel manner,
+sent after me a small sum of money, thinking that, considering the hurry
+in which I left my house, I might have occasion for it on the road. I
+was, by this time, benumbed with cold, fatigued with travelling, and
+almost fretted to death by my disappointment. However, this was no time
+to indulge despondence; since nobody could or would assist me, I stood
+the more in need of my own resolution and presence of mind. After some
+deliberation, I steered my course back to London; and, being unwilling
+to return by the same road in which I came, as well as impatient to be
+at the end of my journey, I chose the Bagshot way, and ventured to cross
+the heath by moonlight.
+
+"Here I was attacked by a footpad armed with a broad-sword, who came
+up and demanded my money. My stock amounted to twelve guineas; and I
+foresaw that should I be stripped of the whole sum, I could not travel
+without discovering who I was, and consequently running the risk of
+being detected by my pursuer. On these considerations, I gave the fellow
+three guineas and some silver; with which he was so far from being
+satisfied, that he threatened to search me for more: but I ordered the
+coachman to proceed, and by good fortune escaped that ceremony, though
+I was under some apprehension of being overtaken with a pistol bullet in
+my flight, and therefore held down my head in the chaise, in imitation
+of some great men, who are said to have ducked in the same manner in
+the day of battle. My fears happened to be disappointed: I lay at an inn
+upon the road, and next day arrived in town, in the utmost difficulty
+and distress; for I knew not where to fix my habitation, and was
+destitute of all means of support. In this dilemma, I applied to my
+lawyer, who recommended me to the house of a tradesman in Westminster,
+where I lodged and boarded upon credit, with my faithful Abigail (whom I
+shall distinguish by the name of Mrs. S--), for the space of ten weeks,
+during which I saw nobody, and never once stirred abroad.
+
+"While I was thus harassed out of all enjoyment of life, and reduced
+to the utmost indigence, by the cruelty of my persecutor, who had even
+stripped me of my wearing apparel, I made a conquest of Lord D--,
+a nobleman who is now dead, and therefore I shall say little of his
+character, which is perfectly well known: this only will I observe,
+that, next to my own tyrant, he was the person of whom I had the
+greatest abhorrence. Nevertheless, when these two came in competition,
+I preferred the offers of this new lover, which were very considerable;
+and as an asylum was the chief thing I wanted, agreed to follow him
+to his country seat, whither I actually sent my clothes, which I had
+purchased upon credit.
+
+"However, upon mature deliberation, I changed my mind, and signified my
+resolution in a letter, desiring at the same time that my baggage might
+be sent back. In consequence of this message, I expected a visit from
+him, in all the rage of indignation and disappointment, and gave orders
+that he should not be admitted into my house yet, notwithstanding this
+precaution, he found means to procure entrance; and one of the first
+objects that I saw, next morning, in my bedchamber, was my lover, armed
+with a horsewhip, against which, from the knowledge of the man, I did
+not think myself altogether secure; though I was not much alarmed,
+because I believed myself superior to him in point of bravery, should
+the worst come to the worst. But, contrary to my expectation, and his
+usual behaviour to our sex, he accosted me very politely, and began to
+expostulate on the contents of my letter. I freely told him, that I had
+rashly assented to his proposal, for my own convenience only; that, when
+I reflected on what I had done, I thought it ungenerous in me to live
+with him upon these terms; and that, as I did not like him, and
+could not dissemble, such a correspondence could never tend to the
+satisfaction of either. He allowed the inference was just, though he
+was very much chagrined at my previous proceeding. He relinquished his
+claim, restored my clothes, and never afterwards upbraided me with my
+conduct in this affair; though he at one time owned, that he still loved
+me, and ever should, because I had used him ill; a declaration that
+strongly marks the peculiarity of his character. As for my own part, I
+own that my behaviour on this occasion is no other way excusable, than
+on account of the miserable perplexity of my circumstances, which were
+often so calamitous, that I wonder I have not been compelled to take
+such steps as would have rendered my conduct much more exceptionable
+than it really is.
+
+"At last all my hopes were blasted by the issue of my suit, which was
+determined in favour of my lord. Even then I refused to yield: on the
+contrary, coming out of retirement, I took lodgings in Suffolk-street,
+and set my tyrant at defiance. But, being unwilling to trust my doors
+to the care of other people, I hired a house in Conduit-street; and no
+sooner appeared in the world again, than I was surrounded by divers and
+sundry sorts of admirers. I believe I received the incense and addresses
+of all kinds under the sun, except that sort which was most to my
+liking, a man capable of contracting and inspiring a mutual attachment;
+but such a one is equally rare and inestimable; not but that I own
+myself greatly obliged to all those who cultivated my good graces,
+though they were very little beholden to me; for where I did not really
+love, I could never profess that passion; that sort of dissimulation is
+a slavery that no honest nature will undergo. Except one worthy young
+man whom I sometimes saw, they were a strange medley of insignificant
+beings: one was insipid, another ridiculously affected, a third void of
+all education, a fourth altogether inconsistent; and, in short, I found
+as many trifling characters among the men, as ever I observed in my own
+sex. Some of them I endeavoured to bring over to my maxims, while they
+attempted to make a proselyte of me; but, finding the task impracticable
+on both sides, we very wisely dropped each other.
+
+"At length, however, I was blessed with the acquaintance of one
+nobleman, who is, perhaps, the first character in England, in point
+of honour, integrity, wit, sense, and benevolence; when I have thus
+distinguished him, I need scarce mention Lord --. This great, this good
+man, possesses every accomplishment requisite to inspire admiration,
+love, and esteem. With infinitely more merit than almost ever fell to
+one man's share, he manifests such diffidence of his own qualifications,
+as cannot fail to prepossess every company in his favour. He seems to
+observe nothing, yet sees everything; his manner of telling a story,
+and making trifles elegant, is peculiar to himself; and, though he has
+a thousand oddities, they serve only to make him more agreeable. After
+what I have said, it may be supposed that I was enamoured of his person;
+but this was not the case; love is altogether capricious and fanciful;
+yet I admire, honour, and esteem him to the highest degree, and when I
+observe that his character resembled that of my dear departed friend Mr.
+B--; or rather, that Mr. B--, had he lived, would have resembled Lord
+--, I pay the highest compliment I can conceive both to the living and
+to the dead.
+
+"In this nobleman's friendship and conversation I thought myself happy;
+though I was, as usual, exposed to the indefatigable efforts of my lord,
+who, one day, while I was favoured with the company of this generous
+friend, appeared at my door in his coach, attended by another gentleman,
+who demanded entrance with an air of authority. A very honest
+footman, who had been long in my service, ran upstairs in the utmost
+consternation, and gave me an account of what had happened below. Upon
+which I told him he had nothing to answer for, and ordered him to keep
+the door fast shut against all opposition; though I was so much affected
+with this unexpected assault, that Lord -- said he was never more
+surprised and shocked in his life, than at the horror which appeared in
+my countenance, when I saw the coach stop at my door.
+
+"My little hero being refused admittance, went away, threatening to
+return speedily with a reinforcement; and during this interval, I
+provided myself with a soldier, whom I placed sentinel at the door,
+within side, to guard me from the danger of such assaults for the
+future. My lord, true to his promise, marched back with his auxiliaries,
+reinforced with a constable, and repeated his demand of being admitted;
+and my soldier opening the sash, in order to answer him, according to my
+directions, he no sooner perceived the red coat, than he was seized with
+such a panic, that he instantly fled with great precipitation; and, when
+he recounted the adventure, like Falstaff in the play, multiplied my
+guard into a whole file of musqueteers. He also made a shift to discover
+the gentleman who had been so kind as to lend me one of his company, and
+complained of him to the duke of N--, in hopes of seeing him broke for
+his misdemeanour; but in that expectation he was luckily disappointed.
+
+"Perceiving that in England I should never enjoy peace, but be
+continually subject to those alarms and disquiets which had already
+impaired my health and spirits, I resolved to repair again to France,
+my best refuge and sure retreat from the persecution of my tyrant. Yet,
+before I took this step, I endeavoured, by the advice of my friends, to
+conceal myself near Windsor; but was in a little time discovered by my
+lord, and hunted out of my lurking-place accordingly. I then removed
+to Chelsea, where I suffered inconceivable uneasiness and agitation
+of mind, from the nature of my situation, my tranquility being thus
+incessantly invaded by a man who could not be satisfied with me, and yet
+could not live without me. So that, though I was very much indisposed,
+I set out for France, by way of the Hague, as the war had shut up all
+other communication, having no other attendant but my woman S--, who,
+though she dreaded the sea, and was upon the brink of matrimony, would
+not quit me in such a calamitous condition, until I was joined by my
+footman and another maid, whom I ordered to follow me with the baggage.
+But, before my departure, I sent a message to Lord --, demanding my
+clothes, which he had seized in Essex; and, he refusing to deliver them,
+I was obliged to equip myself anew, upon credit.
+
+"I was supplied with money for my journey by my good friend L--; and,
+after a short and pleasant passage, arrived at the Hague, where I
+stayed two months, and parted with S--, on whom I settled an annuity
+of five-and-twenty pounds, payable out of the provision which I had or
+might obtain from my husband. The same allowance had I prevailed upon
+Lord B-- to grant to another maid, who attended me while I lived in his
+house.
+
+"I did not much relish the people in Holland, because they seemed
+entirely devoted to self-interest, without any taste for pleasure or
+politeness; a species of disposition that could not be very agreeable
+to me, who always despised money, had an unbounded benevolence of
+heart, and loved pleasure beyond every other consideration. When I
+say pleasure, I would not be understood to mean sensuality, which
+constitutes the supreme happiness of those only who are void of
+sentiment and imagination. Nevertheless, I received some civilities in
+this place, and, among the rest, the reputation of having for my lover
+the king of P--'s minister, who was young and airy, and visited me
+often; circumstances that were sufficient to lay me under the imputation
+of an amour, which I frequently incurred without having given the least
+cause of suspicion.
+
+"Having taken leave of my Dutch friends, I departed from the Hague, in
+company with an English woman, whom I had chosen for that purpose, and
+arrived at Antwerp with much difficulty and danger, the highway being
+infested with robbers. After having reposed myself a few days in this
+city, I hired a coach for myself, and set out with my companion for
+Brussels; but, before we reached Mechlin, our vehicle was attacked by
+two hussars, who, with their sabres drawn, obliged the coachman to
+drive into a wood near the road. I at first imagined that they wanted to
+examine our passports, but was soon too well convinced of their design;
+and, though very much shocked at the discovery, found resolution enough
+to suppress my concern, so that it should not aggravate the terrors
+of the young woman, who had almost died with apprehension. I even
+encouraged her to hope for the best; and, addressing myself to the
+robbers in French, begged, in the most suppliant manner, that they
+would spare our lives; upon which one of them, who was a little fellow,
+assured me, in the same language, that we had nothing to fear for our
+persons.
+
+"When we were conveyed in a state of dreadful suspense about
+three-quarters of a mile into the wood, the ruffians came into the
+coach, and, taking my keys, which I kept ready in my hand for them,
+opened three large trunks that contained my baggage, and emptying them
+of everything but my hoops and a few books, packed up their booty in a
+cloth; then robbed me of my money and jewels, even to my shoe-buckles
+and sleeve-buttons, took my footman's laced hat, and gave it, by way
+of gratification, to a peasant, who came from behind the bushes, and
+assisted them in packing.
+
+"This affair being despatched, they ordered us to return to the road by
+a different way from that in which we were carried into the wood; and
+mounting their horses, rode off with the plunder, though not before
+the little fellow, who was the least ferocious of the two, had come and
+shaken me by the hand, wishing us a good journey; a compliment which I
+heartily returned, being extremely well pleased with the retreat of two
+such companions, who had detained us a whole half-hour; during which,
+notwithstanding the assurance I had received, I was in continual
+apprehension of seeing their operation concluded with the murder of
+us all; for I supposed they were of that gang who had some time before
+murdered a French officer, and used a lady extremely ill, after having
+rifled her of all she had.
+
+"Having thus undergone pillage, and being reduced to the extremity
+of indigence in a foreign land, it is not to be supposed that my
+reflections were very comfortable; and yet, though I sustained the whole
+damage, I was the only person in the company who bore the accident with
+any resolution and presence of mind. My coachman and valet seemed quite
+petrified with fear; and it was not till I had repeated my directions
+that the former drove farther into the wood, and took the first turning
+to the right, in order to regain the road, according to the command of
+the robbers, which I did not choose to disobey.
+
+"This misfortune I suffered by the misinformation I received at Antwerp,
+where I would have provided myself with an escort, had not I been
+assured that there was not the least occasion to put myself to such
+extraordinary expense. And, indeed, the robbers took the only half-hour
+in which they could have had an opportunity of plundering us; for we no
+sooner returned into the highway, than we met with the French artillery
+coming from Brussels, which was a security to us during the rest of our
+journey. We were afterwards informed at a small village, that there was
+actually a large gang of deserters, who harboured in that wood, from
+which they made excursions in the neighbourhood, and kept the peasants
+in continual alarms.
+
+"Having proceeded a little way, we were stopped by the artillery
+crossing a bridge; and, as the train was very long, must have been
+detained till night, had not a soldier informed me, that, if I would
+take the trouble to come out of my coach, and apply to the commandant,
+he would order them to halt, and allow me to pass. I took the man's
+advice, and was by him conducted, with much difficulty, through the
+crowd, to some officers, who seemed scarce to deserve the name; for,
+when I signified my request, they neither rose up, nor desired me to sit
+down; but, lolling in their chairs, with one leg stretched out, asked,
+with an air of disrespectful raillery where I was going; and when I
+answered, "To Paris," desired to know what I would do there.
+
+"I, who am naturally civil where I am civilly used, and saucy enough
+where I think myself treated with disregard, was very much piqued at
+their insolent and unmannerly behaviour, and began to reply to the
+impertinent questions very abruptly; so that a very tart dialogue would
+have ensued, had not the conversation been interrupted by a tall, thin,
+genteel young French nobleman, an officer in the army, who, chancing
+to come in, asked with great politeness, what I would please to have. I
+then repeated my desire, and produced my passports, by which he learned
+who I was. He immediately gave orders that my coach should pass; and
+afterwards visited me at Paris, having obtained my permission, and
+taken my address at parting; while the others, understanding my name and
+quality, asked pardon for their impolite carriage, which they told
+me was owing to the representation of the soldier, who gave them to
+understand that I was a strolling actress.
+
+"I could not help laughing heartily at this mistake, which might have
+proceeded from the circumstances of my appearance, my footman having
+been obliged to change hats with the peasant, and myself being without
+buckles on my shoes and buttons on my riding-skirt, while my countenance
+still retained marks of the fear and confusion I had undergone. After
+all, perhaps the fellow was a droll, and wanted to entertain himself at
+my expense. The day was so far consumed in these adventures, that I was
+obliged to take up my lodgings at Mechlin, where I addressed myself to
+the intendant, giving him an account of the disaster I had met with, and
+desiring I might have credit at the inn, as our whole company could not
+raise the value of a sixpence. This gentleman, though a provincial, was
+polite in his way, and not only granted my request, but invited me to
+lodge at his own house. I accordingly gave him my company at supper, but
+did not choose to sleep at his quarters, because he appeared to be what
+the French call un vieux debauche.
+
+"Next day, he sent a trumpet to the general, with a detail of my
+misfortune, in hopes of retrieving what I had lost; but, notwithstanding
+all possible search, I was fain to put up with my damage, which, in
+linen, laces, clothes, and baubles, amounted to upwards of seven hundred
+pounds, a loss which never deprived me of one moment's rest; for, though
+I lodged at a miserable inn, and lay in a paltry bed, I slept as sound
+as if nothing extraordinary had happened, after I had written to London
+and Paris, directing that the payment of my bills of credit might
+be stopped. Indeed, I know of but two misfortunes in life capable of
+depressing my spirits, namely, the loss of health and friends; all
+others may be prevented or endured. The articles of that calamity which
+I chiefly regretted, were a picture of Lord W--, and some inimitable
+letters from Mr. B--.
+
+"From Mechlin I proceeded to Brussels, where, being known, I got credit
+for some necessaries, and borrowed twenty guineas to defray the expense
+of my journey to Paris. Having consulted with my friends about the
+safest method of travelling through Flanders, I was persuaded to take
+places in the public voiture; and accordingly departed, not without
+fears of finding one part of the country as much infested with robbers
+as another. Nor were these apprehensions assuaged by the conversation
+of my fellow-travellers, who, being of the lower sort of people, that
+delight in exaggerating dangers, entertained me all the way with an
+account of all the robberies and murders which had been committed on
+that road, with many additional circumstances of their own invention.
+After having been two days exposed to this comfortable conversation,
+among very disagreeable company, which is certainly one of the most
+disagreeable situations in life, I arrived at Lisle, where, thinking the
+dangerous part of the journey was now past, I hired a post-chaise, and
+in two days more reached Paris without any further molestation.
+
+"Upon my arrival in the capital, I was immediately visited by my old
+acquaintances, who, hearing my disaster, offered me their clothes, and
+insisted upon my wearing them, until I could be otherwise provided. They
+likewise engaged me in parties, with a view of amusing my imagination,
+that I might not grow melancholy in reflecting upon my loss; and desired
+me to repeat the particulars of my story forty times over, expressing
+great surprise at our not being murdered, or ravished at least. As for
+this last species of outrage, the fear of it never once entered my head,
+otherwise I should have been more shocked and alarmed than I really
+was. But it seems this was the chief circumstance of my companion's
+apprehension; and I cannot help observing, that a homely woman is always
+more apt to entertain those fears, than one whose person exposes her to
+much more imminent danger. However, I now learned, that the risk I
+ran was much greater than I imagined it to be, those ruffians being
+familiarized to rape as well as murder.
+
+"Soon after my appearance at Paris, I was favoured with the addresses
+of several French lovers; but I never had any taste for foreigners, or
+indeed for any amusement of that kind, except such as were likely to be
+lasting, and settled upon a more agreeable footing than that of common
+gallantry. When I deviated from this principle, my conduct was the
+effect of compulsion, and therefore I was never easy under it, having
+been reduced to the alternative of two evils, the least of which I was
+obliged to choose, as a man leaps into the sea, in order to escape from
+a ship that is on fire.
+
+"Though I rejected their love, I did not refuse their company and
+conversation; and, though my health was considerably impaired by the
+shock I received in my last adventure, which was considerably greater
+than I at first imagined, and affected my companion so much, that she
+did not recover her spirits till she returned to England, I say,
+though I was for some time a valetudinarian, I enjoyed myself in great
+tranquility for the space of ten months, during which I was visited
+by English, Scotch, and French, of all parties and persuasions; for
+pleasure is of no faction, and that was the chief object of my pursuit;
+neither was I so ambitious of being a politician, as to employ my time
+and thoughts upon subjects which I did not understand. I had admirers of
+all sides, and should have spent my time very much to my liking, had not
+I felt my funds sensibly diminish, without any prospect of their being
+repaired; for I had been obliged to lay out a great part of the sum
+allotted for my subsistence, in supplying my companion, my servant, and
+myself with necessaries, in lieu of those which we had lost.
+
+"Having before my eyes the uncomfortable prospect of wanting money in
+a strange place, I found myself under the necessity of returning to
+England, where I had more resources than I could possibly have among
+foreigners; and with that view wrote to Lord --'s agents, desiring that
+I might be enabled to discharge my obligations at Paris, by the payment
+of my pin-money. Thus a negotiation commenced, and his lordship promised
+to remit money for the clearance of my Paris debts, which amounted to
+four hundred pounds: but he would not advance one farthing more, though
+I gave him to understand, that, while he protracted the agreement, I
+must inevitably be adding to my encumbrances, and that I should be
+as effectually detained by a debt of twenty pounds, as if I owed a
+thousand. Notwithstanding all my representations, he would not part with
+one shilling over the net sum which I at first stipulated; so that
+all my measures were rendered abortive, and I found it altogether
+impracticable to execute those resolutions I had formed in his favour.
+
+"Thus did he for a mere trifle embarrass the woman for whom he professed
+the most unlimited love, and whose principles he pretended to hold in
+the utmost veneration. Indeed, his confidence in my integrity was not
+without foundation; for many wives, with one half of my provocation,
+would have ruined him to all intents and purposes; whereas,
+notwithstanding all the extraordinary expenses to which I had been
+exposed by his continual persecution, he never paid a shilling on my
+account except one thousand pounds, exclusive of the small allowance
+which was my due. In a word, so much time elapsed before my lord could
+prevail upon himself to advance the bare four hundred, that I was
+involved in fresh difficulties, from which I found it impossible to
+extricate myself; and though I had occasion to write a letter to my
+benefactor Lord --, in which I expressed my acknowledgment of past
+favours, I could not venture to solicit more, even when I was encouraged
+by a very obliging answer, wherein he declared, that the good qualities
+of my mind and heart would bind him to me in friendship for ever.
+
+"While I ruminated on my uncomfortable situation, which would neither
+permit me to return to England, nor to stay much longer where I was, a
+young Englishman of immense fortune took Paris in his way from Italy,
+accompanied by a most agreeable Scotchman of very good sense and great
+vivacity. It was my good or ill fortune to become acquainted with these
+gentlemen, who, having seen me at the opera, expressed a desire of being
+known to me, and accordingly favoured me with a visit one afternoon,
+when the brisk North Briton engrossed the whole conversation, while
+the other seemed fearful and diffident even to a degree of bashfulness,
+through which, however, I could discern a delicate sensibility and
+uncommon understanding. There was in his person, which was very
+agreeable, as well as in his behaviour, a certain naivete that was very
+pleasing; and, at this first interview, we relished each other's company
+so well, that a sort of intimacy immediately commenced, and was carried
+on in a succession of parties of pleasure, in the course of which I
+found him fraught with all the tenderness and sentiment that render
+the heart susceptible of the most refined love; a disposition that
+immediately made me partial to him, while it subjected his own heart to
+all the violent impressions of a passion, which I little imagined our
+correspondence would have produced.
+
+"Nevertheless, I was far from being displeased with my conquest, because
+his person and qualifications, as well as his manner of address, were
+very much to my liking, and recommended him in a particular manner to
+my affection. Indeed, he made greater progress in my heart than I myself
+suspected; for there was something congenial in our souls, which, from
+our first meeting, I believe, had attracted us, unknown to ourselves,
+under the notions of friendship and regard, and now disclosed itself in
+the most passionate love.
+
+"I listened to his addresses, and we were truly happy. His attachment
+was the quintessence of tenderness and sincerity, while his generosity
+knew no bounds. Not contented with having paid twelve hundred pounds on
+my account, in the space of one fortnight, he would have loaded me
+with present after present, had I not absolutely refused to accept
+such expensive marks of his munificence. I was even mortified at those
+instances of his liberality, which my situation compelled me to receive,
+lest, being but little acquainted with my disposition, he should suspect
+me of being interested in my love, and judge my conduct by the malicious
+reports of common fame, which, he afterwards owned, had at first
+obtained such credit with him, that he believed our mutual attachment
+would not be of long duration. But, in this particular, he was soon
+undeceived. His heart, though naturally adapted for the melting passion,
+had hitherto escaped untouched by all the ladies of Italy and France;
+and, therefore, the first impressions were the more deeply fixed. As he
+was unpractised in the ways of common gallantry and deceit, the striking
+simplicity in his character was the more likely to engage the heart of
+one who knew the perfidy of the world, and despised all the farce and
+bombast of fashionable profession, which I had always considered as the
+phrase of vanity and ostentation, rather than the genuine language
+of love. Besides, gratitude had a considerable share in augmenting my
+affection, which manifested itself in such a warm, cordial, artless
+manner, as increased his esteem, and riveted his attachment; for he
+could easily perceive, from the whole tenor of my conduct, that my
+breast was an utter stranger to craft and dissimulation; yet I was at
+first fearful of contracting any engagement with him, because, being
+younger than me, he might be more apt to change, and the world might be
+malicious enough to suppose I had practised upon his inexperience; but,
+conscious of my own integrity, I set slander at defiance, trusting to my
+own behaviour, and his natural probity, for the continuance of his love.
+Though we did not live together in the same house, the greatest part of
+our time was spent in each other's company; we dined and supped at the
+same table, frequented public places, went upon parties to the country,
+and never parted, but for a few hours in the night, which we passed in
+the utmost impatience to meet again.
+
+"In this agreeable manner did the days roll on, when my felicity was
+interrupted by a fit of jealousy with which I happened to be seized. I
+had contracted an acquaintance with a young married lady, who, though
+her personal attractions were but slender, was upon the whole an
+agreeable, cheerful, good-natured companion, with a little dash of
+the coquette in her composition. This woman being in very indigent
+circumstances, occasioned by some losses her husband had sustained, no
+sooner had an opportunity of seeing and conversing with my lover,
+than she formed the design of making a conquest of him. I should have
+forgiven her for this scheme, whatever pangs it might have cost me, had
+I believed it the effect of real passion; but I knew her too well to
+suppose her heart was susceptible of love, and accordingly resented it.
+In the execution of her plan, she neglected nothing which she thought
+capable of engaging his attention. She took all opportunities of sitting
+near him at table, ogled him in the most palpable manner, directed her
+whole discourse to him, trod upon his toes; nay, I believe, squeezed his
+hand. My blood boiled at her, though my pride, for some time, enabled
+me to conceal my uneasiness; till at length her behaviour became so
+arrogant and gross, that I could no longer suppress my indignation,
+and one day told my lover that I would immediately renounce his
+correspondence.
+
+"He was greatly alarmed at this unexpected declaration; and, when he
+understood the cause of it, assured me, that, for the future, he would
+never exchange one word with her. Satisfied with this mark of his
+sincerity and regard, I released him from his promise, which he
+could not possibly keep, while she and I lived upon any terms; and we
+continued to visit each other as usual, though she still persisted in
+her endeavours to rival me in his affection, and contracted an intimacy
+with his companion, who seemed to entertain a passion for her, that she
+might have the more frequent opportunities of being among us; for she
+had no objection against favouring the addresses of both. One evening,
+I remember, we set out in my coach for the opera; and, in the way,
+this inamorata was so busy with her feet, that I was incensed at her
+behaviour; and, when we arrived at the place, refused to alight; but,
+setting them down, declared my intention of returning home immediately.
+She was so much pleased with this intimation, that she could not conceal
+the joy she felt at the thoughts of conversing with him, uninterrupted
+by my presence; an opportunity with which I had never favoured her
+before. This open exultation increased my anger and anxiety. I went
+home; but, being still tortured with the reflection of having left them
+together, adjusted myself in the glass, though I was too angry to take
+notice of my own figure, and without further delay returned to the
+opera.
+
+"Having inquired for the box in which they sat, I took possession of one
+that fronted them, and, reconnoitring them, without being perceived, had
+the satisfaction of seeing him removed to as great a distance from her
+as the place would permit, and his head turned another way. Composed by
+this examination, I joined them without further scruple, when my young
+gentleman expressed great joy at my appearance, and told me he was
+determined to have left the entertainment, and come in quest of me, had
+I not returned at that instant.
+
+"In our way homewards, my rival repeated her usual hints, and with her
+large hoop almost overshadowed my lover from my view; upon which my
+jealousy and wrath recurred with such violence, that I pulled the string
+as a signal for the coachman to stop, with a view of getting out, and
+going home afoot; a step which would have afforded a new spectacle to
+the people of Paris. But I reflected in a moment upon the folly of such
+a resolution, and soon recollected myself, by calling my pride to my
+assistance. I determined, however, that she should act no more scenes of
+this kind in my presence, and that same night insisted upon my lover's
+dropping all intercourse and connection with this tormentor. He very
+cheerfully complied with my desire, and was even glad of an occasion to
+break off his acquaintance with a person about whom I had plagued him so
+much.
+
+"Thus was I freed from the persecution of one of those creatures,
+who, though of little consequence in themselves, are yet the pests of
+society, and find means to destroy that harmony which reigns between two
+lovers, by the intrusion of a loose appetite, void of all sensibility
+and discretion; having no feelings themselves, they cannot sympathize
+with those of other people; and do mischief out of mere wantonness.
+
+"My lover being obliged to go to England, had settled me in a genteel
+house in Paris, with a view of returning when his affairs should be
+adjusted; but, when the time of his departure approached, he began to
+be uneasy at the prospect of separation, and, in order to alleviate his
+anxiety, desired me to accompany him to Calais, where we stayed together
+three or four days, during which the dread of parting became more and
+more intense; so that we determined upon my following him into England
+at the first opportunity, where I should live altogether incog. that
+I might be concealed from the inquiries and attempts of my lord. Even
+after this resolution was fixed, we parted with all the agonies of
+lovers who despair of ever meeting again; and the wind blowing very high
+after he had embarked, increased my fears. But, by the return of the
+packet-boat I was blessed with the report of his being safe arrived in
+England, and had the satisfaction of perusing his letters by every post.
+
+"My admirer being thus detached from me, my thoughts were entirely
+employed in concerting some private method of conveying myself to him.
+As I would not trust myself in the common packet, for fear of being
+discovered, after having revolved divers schemes, I determined to
+transport myself in one of the Dutch fishing-boats, though I knew the
+passage would be hazardous; but, in a case of such interesting concern,
+I overlooked all danger and inconvenience. Before I put this resolution
+in practice, I was so fortunate as to hear of a small English vessel,
+that arrived in Calais with a prisoner of war, in which I embarked,
+with my companion and another lady, who lived with me for some time
+afterwards; and, when we came on board, discovered that the ship was no
+other than a light collier, and that her whole company amounted to no
+more than three men. Nevertheless, though the sea was so rough, and the
+weather so unpromising, that no other boat would venture to put to sea,
+we set sail, and, between two storms, in about three hours arrived in
+safety in Dover.
+
+"From hence my first companion went to her friends in the stage-coach,
+while the other lady and I hired an open post-chaise, though it snowed
+very hard, and, without any accident, performed our journey to London,
+where I met with my lover, who flew to my arms in all the transports
+of impatient joy; and, doubtless, I deserved his affection for the
+hardships, perils, and difficulties I had undergone to be with him;
+for I never scrupled to undertake anything practicable, in order to
+demonstrate the sincerity of what I professed. In consequence of our
+plan, I assumed a fictitious name, and never appeared in public, being
+fully satisfied and happy in the company and conversation of the man
+I loved; and, when he went into the country, contented myself with his
+correspondence, which he punctually maintained, in a series of letters,
+equally sensible, sincere, and affectionate.
+
+"Upon his return to town for the remainder of the season, he devoted
+the greatest part of his time to our mutual enjoyment; left me with
+reluctance, when he was called away by indispensable business, and the
+civility which was due to his acquaintance, and very seldom went to any
+place of public entertainment, because I could not accompany and share
+with him in the diversion; nay, so much did I engross his attention,
+that one evening, after he had been teased into an agreement of meeting
+some friends at a play, he went thither precisely at the appointed hour,
+and, as they did not arrive punctually at the very minute, he returned
+to me immediately, as much rejoiced at his escape as if he had met with
+some signal deliverance. Nor was his constancy inferior to the ardour
+of his love. We went once together to a ball in the Haymarket, where,
+in the midst of a thousand fine women, whose charms were enhanced by the
+peculiarity of the dresses they wore, he remained unshaken, unseduced,
+preserving his attachment for me in spite of all temptation.
+
+"In the summer, he provided me with a house in the neighbourhood of his
+own; but the accommodations being bad, and that country affording no
+other place fit for my residence, he brought me home to his own seat,
+and, by that step, raised such a universal clamour; though I saw no
+company, and led such a solitary life, that nothing but excessive love
+could have supported my spirits. Not but that he gave me as much of his
+time as he could possibly spare from the necessary duties of paying and
+receiving visits, together with the avocations of hunting, and other
+country amusements, which I could not partake. Formerly, indeed, I used
+to hunt and shoot, but I had left off both, so that I was now reduced to
+the alternative of reading and walking by myself; but love made up for
+all deficiencies to me, who think nothing else worth the living for. Had
+I been blessed with a partner for life, who could have loved sincerely,
+and inspired me with a mutual flame, I would have asked no more of fate.
+Interest and ambition have no share in my composition; love, which is
+pleasure, or pleasure, which is love, makes up the whole. A heart so
+disposed cannot be devoid of other good qualities; it must be subject
+to the impressions of humanity and benevolence, and enemy to nothing but
+itself. This you will give me leave to affirm, in justice to myself, as
+I have frankly owned my failings and misconduct.
+
+"Towards the end of summer, my heart was a little alarmed by a report
+that prevailed, of my lover's being actually engaged in a treaty of
+marriage; however, I gave little credit to this rumour till I was
+obliged to go to town about business, and there I heard the same
+information confidently affirmed. Though I still considered it as a
+vague surmise, I wrote to him an account of what I had heard; and,
+in his answer, which is still in my possession, he assured me, with
+repeated vows and protestations, that the report was altogether false.
+Satisfied with this declaration, I returned to his house; and, though
+the tale was incessantly thundered in my ears, still believed it void of
+all foundation, till my suspicion was awakened by a very inconsiderable
+circumstance.
+
+"One day, on his return from hunting, I perceived he had a very fine
+pair of Dresden ruffles on his shirt, which I could not suppose he would
+wear at such a rustic exercise; and, therefore, my fears took the alarm.
+When I questioned him about this particular of his dress, his colour
+changed; and though he attempted to elude my suspicion, by imputing
+it to a mistake of his servant, I could not rest satisfied with this
+account of the matter, but inquired into the truth with such eagerness
+and penetration, that he could not deny he had been to make a visit.
+By degrees, I even extorted from him a confession, that he had engaged
+himself further than he ought to have proceeded, without making me
+acquainted with his design, though he endeavoured to excuse his conduct,
+and pacify my displeasure, by saying, that the affair would not be
+brought to bear for a great while, and, perhaps, might never come to a
+determination but he was in great confusion, and, indeed, hardly knew
+what he said.
+
+"I would have quitted his house that moment, had not he beforehand
+obtained a promise that I would take no rash resolution of that kind,
+and put it out of my power to procure any method of conveyance by
+which I could make my retreat. I gave no vent to reproaches, but only
+upbraided him with his having permitted me to return, in ignorance, to
+the country, after I was once fairly gone; upon which he swore that he
+could not bear the thoughts of parting with me. This declaration was a
+mystery at that time, but I have been since so fully satisfied of his
+reasons for his conduct, that I heartily acquit him of all injustice
+to me. And, indeed, it is my sincere opinion, that, if ever young man
+deserved to be happy, he is certainly entitled to that privilege;
+and, if I may be allowed to judge, has a heart susceptible of the most
+refined enjoyment.
+
+"The violence of the grief and consternation which I suffered from this
+stroke having a little subsided, I deliberated with myself about the
+measures I should take, and determined to leave his house some day when
+he should be abroad. I was encouraged in this resolution by the advice
+of our Scotch friend, who came about this time from London, on a visit
+to his fellow-traveller. We thought such an abrupt departure would be
+less shocking than to stay and take a formal leave of my lover, whose
+heart was of such a delicate frame, that, after I told him I should one
+day withdraw myself in his absence, he never came home from the chase,
+or any other avocation, without trembling with apprehension that I had
+escaped.
+
+"After he had been some time accustomed to these fears by my previous
+intimation, I at length decamped in good earnest, though my heart
+ached upon the occasion, because I left him loving and beloved; for
+his affection was evident, notwithstanding the step he had taken by the
+advice and importunity of all his relations, who laid a disagreeable
+restraint upon his inclinations, while they consulted his interest in
+every other particular.
+
+"While I halted in the next great town, until I could be supplied
+with fresh horses, I was visited by a gentleman who had been formerly
+intimate with my lover; but a breach had happened in their friendship,
+and he now came to complain of the treatment he had received. Perceiving
+that I was not in a humour to listen to his story, he shifted the
+conversation to my own, and observed, that I had been extremely
+ill-used. I told him that I was of a different opinion; that it was not
+only just, but expedient, that a young man of Mr. --'s fortune should
+think of making some alliance to strengthen and support the interest of
+his family; and that I had nothing to accuse him of but his letting
+me remain so long in ignorance of his intention. He then gave me to
+understand, that I was still ignorant of a great part of the ill-usage I
+had received; affirming, that, while I lived in his house, he had amused
+himself with all the common women in that town, to some of whom this
+gentleman had personally introduced him.
+
+"At first, I could not believe this imputation; but he supported his
+assertion with so many convincing circumstances, that I could no longer
+doubt the truth of them; and I felt so much resentment, that my love
+vanished immediately into air. Instead of proceeding on my journey to
+London, I went back a considerable way, and sent a message desiring to
+see him in a little house, about midway between his own habitation and
+the town from whence I came. He obeyed my summons, and appeared at
+the place appointed, where I reproached him with great bitterness.
+He pleaded guilty to the charge, so far as acknowledging that he had
+corresponded with other women lately, in order to get the better of his
+affection for me, but the experiment had failed, and he found that he
+should be for ever miserable.
+
+"I did not look upon this candid confession as a sufficient atonement
+for his past dissimulation, and, in the sharpness of my revenge,
+demanded a settlement, which he peremptorily refused; so that for the
+present we held each other in the utmost contempt. Indeed, I afterwards
+despised myself for my condescension, which was owing to the advice
+of my companion, supported and inflamed by the spirit of resentment.
+Nevertheless, he begged that I would return to his house, or stay all
+night where I was; but I was deaf to his entreaties, and, after a great
+deal of ironical civility on my side, I took my leave, and went away;
+yet, before I set out, I looked back, and saw him on horseback, with
+such an air of simplicity and truth, as called up a profound sigh,
+notwithstanding all that had passed in our conversation.
+
+"Upon my arrival in London, I took lodgings in Leicester-fields, and
+answered a letter which I had some months before received from my lord,
+telling him that I would go home to him, without stipulating for any
+terms, to try what effect my confidence would have upon his generosity.
+He readily embraced the offer, and took a house in St. James's-street,
+where I proposed to comply with his humour in everything that was
+consistent with my own peace and tranquility.
+
+"Meanwhile, my lover passed his time very disagreeably in the country,
+with his friend, of whom, it seems, he had conceived some jealousy,
+which was increased by a letter I wrote to that gentleman, till he was
+made acquainted with the contents, which he read over forty times; and
+then his passion breaking out with more violence than ever, he not only
+expressed his feeling, in an epistle which I immediately received, but
+when he came to town suffered such agonies of despair as I had never
+seen before, except in Lord B--. It was then in my power to have taken
+ample revenge upon him, as well as upon my insolent rival, who had
+insisted upon my leaving his house in a very abrupt manner, though he
+absolutely refused to gratify her malice, for he was now disposed to
+do anything for my satisfaction. But I knew his worth, and had too much
+regard for his reputation to advise him to act inconsistent with his
+honour.
+
+"About this time, many tender feelings and sorrowful partings happened
+between us, till the marriage knot was tied, when he sent me a bank-note
+for a thousand pounds, by way of specimen, as he called it, of his
+friendship, and of what he would do for me, should I ever want his
+assistance. This mark of his generosity I received in a most tender
+billet, which I shall never part with, together with his picture set in
+diamonds.
+
+"I now employed my thoughts in keeping measures with my lord; we lay
+in the same apartment, and for the first four or five months I neither
+dined nor supped abroad above twice; and then he knew where I was, and
+approved of my company. But all this complacency and circumspection had
+no effect upon his temper, which remained as capricious and dissatisfied
+as ever. Nay, to such a provoking degree did this unhappy humour
+prevail, that one day, in the presence of his lawyer, he harangued upon
+my misconduct since our last reunion; and very freely affirmed, that
+every step I had taken was diametrically opposite to his will.
+
+"Conscious of the pains I had been at to please him, I was so incensed
+at these unjust invectives, that, starting up, I told him he was a
+little dirty fellow; and would have left the house immediately, had not
+his lawyer, and others, who were in the room, interposed, and by dint of
+argument and importunity diverted me from my purpose. By the bye, I have
+been informed by a person of rank, that my lord discovered exactly the
+same disposition in his father's lifetime, and only changed the subject
+of his complaint from the word father to that of wife. Indeed, he takes
+all opportunities of plaguing my dear parent, as he has just sagacity
+enough to know, that this is the most effectual way he can take to
+distress me.
+
+"After repeated trials, I have given up all hopes of making him happy,
+or of finding myself easy in my situation, and live with him at present
+to avoid a greater inconvenience. Not that his ill-nature is all the
+grievance of which I complain; exclusive of the personal disgust I
+entertain for him, his folly is of that species which disobliges rather
+than diverts, and his vanity and affectation altogether intolerable;
+for he actually believes himself, or at least would impose himself upon
+mankind, as a pattern of gallantry and taste; and, in point of business.
+a person of infinite sagacity and penetration. But the most ridiculous
+part of his character is his pretended talent for politics, in which he
+so deeply concerns himself, that he has dismissed many a good servant,
+because he suspected him of having wrong connections; a theme upon which
+he has often quarrelled with me, even almost to parting, accusing me
+with holding correspondence with the earls of B-- and C--, and Mr.
+H-- V--, though I never had the least acquaintance with any of these
+gentlemen, except the earl of C--, to whom I have not spoken these ten
+years past.
+
+"In short, I have often been at a loss to know, whether he was more mad
+and malicious in those fits of enthusiasm, wherein he seemed transported
+with zeal for the commonwealth, and tormented me with his admonitions
+out of all temper and patience. At length, however, I contrived an
+expedient which freed me from these troublesome expostulations, and
+silenced him effectually on the score of politics. This was no other
+than an open avowal of being connected with all those people whom I have
+named. Indeed, I knew him too well to believe there was anything solid
+in his intention or professions, even when he carried himself so far
+as to demand a private audience of the k--, in order to communicate a
+scheme for suppressing the rebellion; and that being denied, solicited
+the duke of D--'s interest, for permission to raise and head a regiment
+of Kentish smugglers. Nay, to such a pitch did his loyalty soar, that he
+purchased a firelock of particular mechanism, calculated for the safety
+of the bearer, in case he had been placed sentinel at his Majesty's
+door, and kept his horses ready caparisoned, with a view of attending
+his sovereign to the field. Notwithstanding all these pompous
+preparations, had he been put to the proof, he would have infallibly
+crept out of his engagements, through some sneaking evasion, his
+imagination being very fertile in such saving pretences. Yet he will
+talk sometimes so fervently, and even sensibly, on the subject, that a
+stranger would mistake him for a man of understanding, and determined
+zeal for the good of his country.
+
+"Since my last return to his house, that act of parliament passed, by
+which he was enabled to pay his debts, and, among the rest, a thousand
+pounds of my contracting, the only burden of that kind I ever entailed
+upon him, exclusive of my pin-money, which was never regularly paid; nor
+would he have been subject to this, had he not, by his persecution and
+pursuit, exposed me to an extraordinary expense. I have also had it
+in my power to reward some of my faithful Abigails; in particular,
+to relieve from extreme distress that maid to whom, as I have already
+observed, Lord B-- granted an annuity, which she had sold: so that she
+was reduced to the most abject poverty; and I found her in a dismal
+hole, with two infants perishing for want; a spectacle which drew tears
+from my eyes, and indeed could not but make deep impression upon a heart
+like mine, which the misery of my fellow-creatures never failed to melt.
+
+"Nor did I upon this occasion forget the attachment and fidelity of my
+other woman Mrs. S--, who, hearing I was robbed in my passage through
+Flanders, had generously relinquished the allowance I had settled upon
+her at parting. The exercise of such acts of humanity and benevolence,
+and the pleasure of seeing my dear and tender parent often, in
+some measure alleviate the chagrin to which I am subject from the
+disagreeable disposition of my lord, who, consistent with his former
+inconsistency, upon our last reconciliation, cheerfully agreed to a
+proposal I made of having concerts in the house, and even approved of
+the scheme with marks of particular satisfaction. But, before one half
+of the winter was expired, he found means to banish all the company,
+beginning with Lord R-- B--, who, as he walked up-stairs one evening,
+was stopped by a footman, who plainly told him he had orders to say to
+him in particular, that his lordship was not at home; yet the very next
+day, perceiving that nobleman and me walking together in the park, he
+joins us with an air of alacrity, as if no such thing had happened,
+and even behaved to Lord R-- with the most fawning complaisance.
+His deportment was equally absurd and impertinent to the rest of his
+friends, who forsook us gradually, being tired of maintaining any
+friendly communication with such a disagreeable composition of ignorance
+and arrogance. For my own part, I look upon him as utterly incorrigible;
+and, as fate has subjected me to his power, endeavour to make the
+bitter draught go down, by detaching myself as much as possible from the
+supposition that there is any such existence upon earth. Indeed, if I
+had not fatal experience to the contrary, I should be apt to believe
+that such a character is not to be found among the sons of men; because
+his conduct is altogether unaccountable by the known rules and maxims of
+life, and falls entirely under the poet's observation, when he says,
+
+"'Tis true, no meaning puzzles more than wit."
+
+Her ladyship having thus concluded her story, to the entertainment
+of the company, and the admiration of Peregrine, who expressed his
+astonishment at the variety of adventures she had undergone, which
+was such as he thought sufficient to destroy the most hardy and robust
+constitution, and therefore infinitely more than enough to overwhelm one
+of her delicate frame; one of the gentlemen present roundly taxed her
+with want of candour, in suppressing some circumstances of her life,
+which he thought essential in the consideration of her character.
+
+She reddened at this peremptory charge, which had an evident effect upon
+the countenances of the whole audience, when the accuser proceeded
+to explain his imputation, by observing, that, in the course of her
+narration, she had omitted to mention a thousand acts of uncommon
+charity, of which he himself knew her to be guilty; and that she had
+concealed a great many advantageous proposals of marriage, which she
+might have accepted before she was engaged.
+
+The company were agreeably undeceived by this explanation; which her
+ladyship acknowledged in very polite terms, as a compliment equally
+genteel and unexpected. And our hero, after having testified the sense
+he had of her complaisance and condescension, in regaling him with a
+mark of her confidence and esteem, took his leave, and went home in a
+state of confusion and perplexity; for, from the circumstances of the
+tale he had heard, he plainly perceived, that her ladyship's heart
+was too delicate to receive such incense as he, in the capacity of an
+admirer, could at present pay; because, though he had in some measure
+abridged the empire of Emilia in his own breast, it was not in his own
+power to restrain it so effectually, but that it would interfere with
+any other sovereign whom his thoughts should adopt; and unless Lady --
+could engross his whole love, time, and attention, he foresaw that it
+would be impossible for him to support the passion which he might have
+the good fortune to inspire. He was, moreover, deterred from declaring
+his love, by the fate of her former admirers, who seemed to have been
+wound up to a degree of enthusiasm, that looked more like the effect of
+enchantment, than the inspiration of human attractions; an ecstasy of
+passion which he durst not venture to undergo. He, therefore, resolved
+to combat with the impressions he had already received, and, if
+possible, cultivate her friendship without soliciting her affection.
+But, before he could fix upon this determination, he desired to know the
+footing on which he stood in her opinion; and, by the intelligence of
+Crabtree, obtained in the usual manner, understood that her sentiments
+of him were very favourable, though without the least tincture of love.
+He would have been transported with joy, had her thoughts of him been
+of a more tender texture; though his reason was better pleased with
+the information he received; in consequence of which he mustered up the
+ideas of his first passion, and set them in opposition to those of this
+new and dangerous attachment; by which means he kept the balance in
+equilibrio, and his bosom tolerably quiet.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXII.
+
+
+
+He persuades Cadwallader to assume the Character of a Magician, in
+which he acquires a great Share of Reputation, by his Responses to three
+Females of Distinction, who severally consult the Researches of his Art.
+
+
+His heart being thus, as it were, suspended between two objects that
+lessened the force of each other's attraction, he took this opportunity
+of enjoying some respite, and for the present detached his sentiments
+from both, resolving to indulge himself in the exercise of that
+practical satire which was so agreeable and peculiar in his disposition.
+In this laudable determination he was confirmed by the repeated
+suggestions of his friend Cadwallader, who taxed him with letting his
+talents rust in indolence, and stimulated his natural vivacity with a
+succession of fresh discoveries in the world of scandal.
+
+Peregrine was now seized with a strange whim, and when he communicated
+the conceit to Cadwallader, it in a moment acquired his approbation.
+This notion he imparted in a proposal to subject the town to their
+ridicule, by giving responses to the character of a professed conjurer,
+to be personated by the old misanthrope, whose aspect was extremely well
+calculated for the purpose. The plan was immediately adjusted in all its
+parts; an apartment hired in a house accommodated with a public stair,
+so that people might have free ingress and egress, without being exposed
+to observation; and, this tenement being furnished with the apparatus of
+a magician, such as globes, telescopes, a magic-lanthorn, a skeleton, a
+dried monkey together with the skins of an alligator, otter, and
+snake, the conjurer himself took possession of his castle, after having
+distributed printed advertisements containing the particulars of his
+undertaking.
+
+These bills soon operated according to the wish of the projectors. As
+the price of the oracle was fixed at half a guinea, the public naturally
+concluded that the author was no common fortune-teller; and, the very
+next day, Peregrine found some ladies of his quality acquaintance
+infected with the desire of making an experiment upon the skill of this
+new conjurer, who pretended to be just arrived from the Mogul's empire,
+where he had learned the art from a Brachman philosopher. Our young
+gentleman affected to talk of the pretensions of this sage with ridicule
+and contempt, and with seeming reluctance undertook to attend them to
+his apartment, observing, that it would be a very easy matter to detect
+the fellow's ignorance, and no more than common justice to chastise him
+for his presumption. Though he could easily perceive a great fund of
+credulity in the company, they affected to espouse his opinion, and,
+under the notion of a frolic, agreed that one particular lady should
+endeavour to baffle his art, by appearing before him in the dress of
+her woman, who should at the same time personate her mistress, and be
+treated as such by our adventurer, who promised to squire them to the
+place. These measures being concerted, and the appointment fixed for
+the next audience-day, Peregrine furnished his friend with the necessary
+information, and, when the hour of assignation arrived, conducted his
+charge to this oraculous seer.
+
+They were admitted by our hero's valet-de-chambre, whose visage, being
+naturally meagre and swarthy, was adorned with artificial whiskers; so
+that he became the Persian dress which he wore, and seemed a very proper
+master of the ceremonies to an Oriental necromancer. Having crossed his
+arms upon his breasts, with an inclination of the head, he stalked in
+solemn silence before them into the penetralia of the temple, where
+they found the conjurer sitting at a table, provided with pen, ink, and
+paper, divers books, mathematical instruments, and a long white wand
+lying across the whole. He was habited in a black gown and fur cap. His
+countenance, over and above a double proportion of philosophic gravity,
+which he had assumed for the occasion, was improved by a thick beard,
+white as snow, that reached to his middle, and upon each shoulder sat a
+prodigious large black cat which had been tutored for the purpose.
+
+Such a figure, which would have startled Peregrine himself, had not he
+been concerned in the mystery, could not fail to make an impression upon
+those whom he accompanied. The fictitious chambermaid, in spite of all
+her natural pertness and vivacity, changed colour when she entered
+the room, while the pretended lady, whose intellects were not quite so
+enlightened, began to tremble in every joint, and ejaculate petitions
+to Heaven for her safety. Their conductor, advancing to the table,
+presented his offering, and, pointing to the maid, told him, that lady
+desired to know what would be her destiny in point of marriage. The
+philosopher, without lifting up his eyes to view the person in whose
+behalf he was consulted, turned his ear to one of the sable familiars
+that purred upon his shoulder, and, taking up the pen, wrote upon a
+detached slip of paper these words, which Peregrine, at the desire
+of the ladies, repeated aloud: "Her destiny will, in a great measure,
+depend upon what happened to her about nine o'clock in the morning on
+the third day of last December."
+
+This sentence was no sooner pronounced, than the counterfeit lady
+screamed, and ran into the ante-chamber, exclaiming, "Christ have mercy
+upon us! Sure he is the devil incarnate!" Her mistress, who followed her
+with great consternation, insisted upon knowing the transaction to which
+the response alluded; and Mrs. Abigail, after some recollection, gave
+her to understand that she had an admirer, who, on that very hour and
+day mentioned by the cunning man, had addressed himself to her in
+a serious proposal of marriage. This explanation, however, was more
+ingenious than candid, for the admirer was no other than the identical
+Mr. Pickle himself, who was a mere dragon among the chambermaids, and,
+in his previous information communicated to his associate, had given
+an account of this assignation, with which he had been favoured by the
+damsel in question.
+
+Our hero seeing his company very much affected with the circumstance
+of the wizard's art, which had almost frightened both mistress and
+maid into hysteric fits, pretended to laugh them out of their fears, by
+observing, that there was nothing extraordinary in this instance of
+his knowledge, which might have been acquired by some of those secret
+emissaries whom such impostors are obliged to employ for intelligence,
+or imparted by the lover himself, who had, perhaps, come to consult
+him about the success of his amour. Encouraged by this observation, or
+rather prompted by an insatiable curiosity, which was proof against all
+sorts of apprehension, the disguised lady returned to the magician's own
+apartment, and, assuming the air of a pert chambermaid, "Mr. Conjurer,"
+said she, "now you have satisfied my mistress, will you be as good as
+to tell me if ever I shall be married?" The sage, without the least
+hesitation, favoured her with an answer, in the following words: "You
+cannot be married before you are a widow; and whether or not that will
+ever be the case, is a question which my art cannot resolve, because my
+foreknowledge exceeds not the term of thirty years."
+
+This reply, which at once cut her off from her pleasing prospect of
+seeing herself independent in the enjoyment of youth and fortune, in
+a moment clouded her aspect; all her good-humour was overcast, and she
+went away, without further inquiry, muttering in the rancour of her
+chagrin, that he was a silly impertinent fellow, and a mere quack in
+his profession. Notwithstanding the prejudice of this resentment, her
+conviction soon recurred; and when the report of his answers was made
+to those confederates by whom she had been deputed to make trial of
+his skill, they were universally persuaded that his art was altogether
+supernatural, though each affected to treat it with contempt, resolving
+in her own breast to have recourse to him in private.
+
+In the meantime, the maid, though laid under the most peremptory
+injunctions of secrecy, was so full of the circumstance which related to
+her own conduct, that she extolled his prescience, in whispers, to all
+acquaintances, assuring them, that he had told her all the particulars
+of her life; so that his fame was almost instantaneously conveyed,
+through a thousand different channels, to all parts of the town; and,
+the very next time he assumed the chair, his doors were besieged by
+curious people of all sects and denominations.
+
+Being an old practitioner in this art, Cadwallader knew it would be
+impossible for him to support his reputation in the promiscuous exercise
+of fortune-telling, because every person that should come to consult him
+would expect a sample of his skill relating to things past; and it could
+not be supposed that he was acquainted with the private concerns of
+every individual who might apply to him for that purpose. He, therefore,
+ordered his minister, whom he distinguished by the name of Hadgi Rourk,
+to signify to all those who demanded entrance, that his price was half a
+guinea; and that all such as were not disposed to gratify him with that
+consideration, would do well to leave the passage free for the rest.
+
+This declaration succeeded to his wish; for this congregation consisted
+chiefly of footmen, chambermaids, prentices, and the lower class of
+tradesmen, who could not afford to purchase prescience at such a price;
+so that, after fruitless offers of shillings and half-crowns, they
+dropped off one by one, and left the field open for customers of a
+higher rank.
+
+The first person of this species who appeared was dressed like the wife
+of a substantial tradesman; but this disguise could not screen her from
+the penetration of the conjurer, who at first sight knew her to be one
+of the ladies of whose coming he had been apprised by Peregrine, on the
+supposition that their curiosity was rather inflamed than allayed by
+the intelligence they had received from his first client. This lady
+approached the philosopher with that intrepidity of countenance so
+conspicuous in matrons of her dignified sphere, and, in a soft voice,
+asked with a simper, of what complexion her next child would be? The
+necromancer, who was perfectly well acquainted with her private history,
+forthwith delivered his response in the following question, written in
+the usual form: "How long has Pompey the black been dismissed from your
+ladyship's service?"
+
+Endued as she was with a great share of that fortitude which is
+distinguished by the appellation of effrontery, her face exhibited
+some signs of shame and confusion at the receipt of this oracular
+interrogation, by which she was convinced of his extraordinary
+intelligence; and, accosting him in a very serious tone, "Doctor," said
+she, "I perceive you are a person of great abilities in the art you
+profess; and therefore, without pretending to dissemble, I will own you
+have touched the true string of my apprehensions. I am persuaded I need
+not be more particular in my inquiries. Here is a purse of money; take
+it, and deliver me from a most alarming and uneasy suspense." So saying,
+she deposited her offering upon the table, and waited for his answer,
+with a face of fearful expectation, while he was employed in writing
+this sentence for her perusal: "Though I see into the womb of time,
+the prospect is not perfectly distinct: the seeds of future events lie
+mingled and confused. So that I am under the necessity of assisting my
+divination in some cases, by analogy and human intelligence; and cannot
+possibly satisfy your present doubts, unless you will condescend to make
+me privy to all those occurrences which you think might have interfered
+with the cause of your apprehension."
+
+The lady having read the declaration, affected a small emotion of
+shyness and repugnance, and, seating herself upon a settee, after having
+cautiously informed herself of the privacy of the apartment, gave such a
+detail of the succession of her lovers, as amazed, while it entertained,
+the necromancer, as well as his friend Pickle, who, from a closet
+in which he had concealed himself, overheard every syllable of her
+confession. Cadwallader listened to her story with a look of infinite
+importance and sagacity, and, after a short pause, told her, that he
+would not pretend to give a categorical answer, until he should have
+deliberated maturely upon the various circumstances of the affair; but,
+if she would take the trouble of honouring him with another visit on
+his next public day, he hoped he should be able to give her full
+satisfaction. Conscious of the importance of her doubts, she could
+not help commending his caution, and took her leave, with a promise of
+returning at the appointed time. Then the conjurer being joined by his
+associate, they gave a loose to their mirth, which having indulged, they
+began to concert measures for inflicting some disgraceful punishment on
+the shameless and insatiate termagant who had so impudently avowed her
+own prostitution.
+
+They were interrupted, however, in their conference, by the arrival of
+a new guest, who being announced by Hadgi, our hero retreated to his
+lurking-place, and Cadwallader resumed his mysterious appearance. This
+new client, though she hid her face in a mask, could not conceal herself
+from the knowledge of the conjurer, who, by her voice, recognised her
+to be an unmarried lady of his own acquaintance. She had, within a small
+compass of time, made herself remarkable for two adventures, which had
+not at all succeeded to her expectation. Being very much addicted to
+play, she had, at a certain rout, indulged that passion to such
+excess, as not only got the better of her justice, but also of her
+circumspection, so that she was unfortunately detected in her endeavours
+to appropriate to herself what was not lawfully her due. This small slip
+was attended with another indiscretion, which had likewise an unlucky
+effect upon her reputation. She had been favoured with the addresses of
+one of those hopeful heirs who swarm and swagger about town, under the
+denomination of bucks; and, in the confidence of his honour, consented
+to be one of a party that made an excursion as far as Windsor, thinking
+herself secured from scandal by the company of another young lady,
+who had also condescended to trust her person to the protection of her
+admirer. The two gallants, in the course of this expedition, were said
+to use the most perfidious means to intoxicate the passions of their
+mistresses by mixing drugs with their wine, which inflamed their
+constitutions to such a degree, that they fell an easy sacrifice to the
+appetites of their conductors, who, upon their return to town, were so
+base and inhuman as to boast among their companions of the exploit they
+had achieved. Thus the story was circulated, with a thousand additional
+circumstances to the prejudice of the sufferers, one of whom had thought
+proper to withdraw into the country, until the scandal raised at her
+expense should subside; while the other, who was not so easily put
+out of countenance, resolved to outface the report, as a treacherous
+aspersion, invented by her lover as an excuse for his own inconstancy;
+and actually appeared in public, as usual, till she found herself
+neglected by the greatest part of her acquaintance.
+
+In consequence of this disgrace, which she knew not whether to impute to
+the card affair, or to the last faux pas she had committed, she now came
+to consult the conjurer, and signified her errand, by asking whether
+the cause of her present disquiet was of the town or the country.
+Cadwallader at once perceiving her allusion, answered her question
+in these terms: "This honest world will forgive a young gamester for
+indiscretion at play, but a favour granted to a babbling coxcomb is
+an unpardonable offence." This response she received with equal
+astonishment and chagrin; and, fully convinced of the necromancer's
+omniscience, implored his advice, touching the retrieval of her
+reputation: upon which he counselled her to wed with the first
+opportunity. She seemed so well pleased with his admonition, that she
+gratified him with a double fee, and, dropping a low curtsey, retired.
+
+Our undertakers now thought it high time to silence the oracle for the
+day, and Hadgi was accordingly ordered to exclude all comers, while
+Peregrine and his friend renewed the deliberations which had been
+interrupted, and settled a plan of operations for the next occasion.
+Meanwhile it was resolved that Hadgi should not only exercise his
+own talents, but also employ inferior agents, in procuring general
+intelligence for the support of their scheme; that the expense of this
+ministry should be defrayed from the profits of their professions; and
+the remainder be distributed to poor families in distress.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine and his friend Cadwallader proceed in the Exercise of the
+Mystery of Fortune-telling, in the course of which they achieve various
+Adventures.
+
+
+These preliminaries being adjusted, our hero forthwith repaired to a
+card assembly, which was frequented by some of the most notable gossips
+in town, and, having artfully turned the conversation upon the subject
+of the fortune-teller, whose talents he pretended to ridicule, incensed
+their itch of knowing secrets to such a degree of impatience, that their
+curiosity became flagrant, and he took it for granted, that all or some
+of them would visit Albumazar on his very first visiting-day. While
+Peregrine was thus engaged, his associate made his appearance in another
+convocation of fashionable people, where he soon had the pleasure of
+hearing the conjurer brought upon the carpet by an elderly gentlewoman,
+remarkable for her inquisitive disposition, who, addressing herself
+to Cadwallader, asked, by the help of the finger-alphabet, if he knew
+anything of the magician that made such a noise in town. The misanthrope
+answered, as usual, in a surly tone: "By your question you must either
+take me for a pimp or an idiot. What, in the name of nonsense, should
+I know of such a rascal, unless I were to court his acquaintance with a
+view to feast my own spleen, in seeing him fool the whole nation out
+of their money? Though, I suppose, his chief profits arise from his
+practice, in quality of pander. All fortune-tellers are bawds, and, for
+that reason, are so much followed by people of fashion. This fellow,
+I warrant, has got sundry convenient apartments for the benefit of
+procreation; for it is not to be supposed that those who visit him on
+the pretence of consulting his supernatural art, can be such fools,
+such drivellers, as to believe that he can actually prognosticate future
+events."
+
+The company, according to his expectation, imputed his remarks to the
+rancour of his disposition, which could not bear to think that any
+person upon earth was wiser than himself; and his ears were regaled with
+a thousand instances of the conjurer's wonderful prescience, for which
+he was altogether indebted to fiction. Some of these specimens being
+communicated to him by way of appeal to his opinion, "They are,"
+said he, "mere phantoms of ignorance and credulity, swelled up in the
+repetition, like those unsubstantial bubbles which the boys blow up in
+soap-suds with a tobacco-pipe. And this will ever be the case in the
+propagation of all extraordinary intelligence. The imagination naturally
+magnifies every object that falls under its cognizance, especially
+those that concern the passions of fear and admiration; and when the
+occurrence comes to be rehearsed, the vanity of the relater exaggerates
+every circumstance in order to enhance the importance of the
+communication. Thus an incident, which is but barely uncommon, often
+gains such accession in its progress through the fancies and mouths
+of those who represent it, that the original fact cannot possibly be
+distinguished. This observation might be proved and illustrated by
+a thousand undeniable examples, out of which I shall only select one
+instance, for the entertainment and edification of the company." A very
+honest gentleman, remarkable for the gravity of his deportment, was one
+day in a certain coffee-house accosted by one of his particular friends,
+who, taking him by the hand, expressed uncommon satisfaction in seeing
+him abroad, and in good health, after the dangerous and portentous
+malady he had undergone. Surprised at this salutation, the gentleman
+replied, it was true he had been a little out of order overnight, but
+there was nothing at all extraordinary in his indisposition. "Jesu! not
+extraordinary!" cried the other, "when you vomited three black crows."
+This strange exclamation the grave gentleman at first mistook for
+raillery, though his friend was no joker; but, perceiving in him all the
+marks of sincerity and astonishment, he suddenly changed his opinion,
+and, after a short reverie, taking him aside, expressed himself in these
+words: "Sir, it is not unknown to you that I am at present engaged in a
+treaty of marriage, which would have been settled long ago, had it
+not been retarded by the repeated machinations of a certain person who
+professed himself my rival. Now I am fully persuaded that this affair of
+the three crows is a story of his invention, calculated to prejudice me
+in the opinion of the lady, who, to be sure, would not choose to marry a
+man who has a rookery in his bowels; and, therefore, I must insist upon
+knowing the author of this scandalous report, that I may be able to
+vindicate my character from the malicious aspersion." His friend, who
+thought the demand was very reasonable, told him, without hesitation,
+that he was made acquainted with the circumstances of his distemper by
+Mr. Such-a-one, their common acquaintance: upon which the person who
+conceived himself injured went immediately in quest of his supposed
+defamer, and having found him: "Pray, sir," said he, with a peremptory
+tone, "who told you that I vomited three black crows?"--"Three?"
+answered the gentleman, "I mentioned two only."--"Zounds! Sir," cried
+the other, incensed at his indifference, "you will find the two too
+many, if you refuse to discover the villainous source of such calumny."
+The gentleman, surprised at his heat, said he was sorry to find he had
+been the accidental instrument of giving him offence, but translated
+the blame, if any there was, from himself to a third person, to
+whose information he owed his knowledge of the report. The plaintiff,
+according to the direction he received, repaired to the house of the
+accused; and his indignation being inflamed at finding the story had
+already circulated among his acquaintance, he told him, with evident
+marks of displeasure, that he was come to pluck the same brace of crows
+which he said he had disgorged. The defendant, seeing him very much
+irritated, positively denied that he had mentioned a brace: "One
+indeed," said he, "I own I took notice of, upon the authority of your
+own physician, who gave me an account of it this morning."--"By the
+Lord!" cried the sufferer, in a rage, which he could no longer contain,
+"that rascal has been suborned by my rival to slander my character in
+this manner: but I'll be revenged, if there be either law or equity in
+England." He had scarce pronounced these words, when the doctor happened
+to enter the room: when his exasperated patient lifting up his cane,
+"Sirrah," said he, "if I live, I'll make that black crow the blackest
+circumstance of thy whole life and conversation." The physician,
+confounded at this address, assured him that he was utterly ignorant
+of his meaning, and, when the other gentleman explained it, absolutely
+denied the charge, affirming he had said no more than that he had
+vomited a quantity of something as black as a crow. The landlord of the
+house acknowledged that he might have been mistaken; and thus the whole
+mystery was explained.
+
+The company seeming to relish the story of the three black crows, which
+they considered as an impromptu of Cadwallader's own invention; but,
+granting it to be true, they unanimously declared that it could have no
+weight in invalidating the testimony of divers persons of honour, who
+had been witnesses of the magician's supernatural skill. On the next
+day of consultation, the necromancer being in the chair, and his friend
+behind the curtain, the outward door was scarce opened, when a female
+visitant flounced in, and discovered to the magician the features of one
+of those inquisitive ladies, whose curiosity, he knew, his confederate
+had aroused in the matter above described. She addressed herself to him
+with a familiar air, observing, that she had heard much of his great
+knowledge, and was come to be a witness of his art, which she desired
+him to display, in declaring what he knew to be her ruling passion.
+
+Cadwallader, who was no stranger to her disposition, assumed the pen
+without hesitation, and furnished her with an answer, importing, that
+the love of money predominated, and scandal possessed the next place
+in her heart. Far from being offended at his freedom, she commended
+his frankness with a smile; and, satisfied of his uncommon talents,
+expressed a desire of being better acquainted with his person; nay,
+she began to catechise him upon the private history of divers great
+families, in which he happened to be well versed: and he, in a
+mysterious manner, dropped such artful hints of his knowledge, that
+she was amazed at his capacity, and actually asked if his art was
+communicable. The conjurer replied in the affirmative; but, at the same
+time, gave her to understand, that it was attainable by those only who
+were pure and undefiled in point of chastity and honour, or such as, by
+a long course of penitence, had weaned themselves from all attachments
+to the flesh. She not only disapproved, but seemed to doubt the truth
+of this assertion; telling him, with a look of disdain, that his art
+was not worth having, if one could not use it for the benefit of
+one's pleasure; she had even penetration enough to take notice of
+an inconsistency in what he had advanced; and asked, why he himself
+exercised his knowledge for hire, if he was so much detached from all
+worldly concerns. "Come, come, doctor," added she, "you are in the right
+to be cautious against impertinent curiosity, but, perhaps, I may make
+it worth your while to be communicative."
+
+These overtures were interrupted by a rap at the door, signifying the
+approach of another client; upon which the lady inquired for his private
+passage, through which she might retire, without the risk of being seen.
+When she understood he was deficient in that convenience, she withdrew
+into an empty room adjoining to the audience-chamber, in order to
+conceal herself from the observation of the new-comer. This was no other
+than the inamorata, who came, by appointment, to receive the solution of
+her doubts; and the misanthrope, glad of an opportunity to expose her to
+the censure of such an indefatigable minister of fame as the person
+who he knew would listen from the next apartment, laid her under the
+necessity of refreshing his remembrance with a recapitulation of her
+former confession, which was almost finished, when she was alarmed by a
+noise at the door, occasioned by two gentlemen, who attempted to enter
+by force.
+
+Terrified at this uproar, which disconcerted the magician himself, she
+ran for shelter into the place which was preoccupied by the other lady,
+who, hearing this disturbance, had closed the window-shutters, that she
+might have the better chance of remaining unknown. Here they ensconced
+themselves in the utmost consternation, while the necromancer, after
+some recollection, ordered Hadgi to open the door, and admit the
+rioters, who, he hoped, would be over-awed by the authority of his
+appearance. The janitor had no sooner obeyed his instructions, than
+in rushed a young libertine, who had been for some time upon the town,
+together with his tutor, who was a worn-out debauchee, well known to
+the magician. They were both in that degree of intoxication necessary to
+prepare such dispositions for what they commonly call frolics, and the
+sober part of mankind feel to be extravagant outrages against the
+laws of their country, and the peace of their fellow-subjects. Having
+staggered up to the table, the senior, who undertook to be spokesman,
+saluted Cadwallader with, "How dost do, old Capricorn? Thou seem'st
+to be a most venerable pimp, and, I doubt not, hast abundance of
+discretion. Here is this young whoremaster, a true chip of the old
+venereal block his father, and myself, come for a comfortable cast
+of thy function. I don't mean that stale pretence of conjuring--d--
+futurity; let us live for the present, old Haly. Conjure me up a couple
+of hale wenches, and I warrant we shall get into the magic circle in a
+twinkling. What says Galileo? What says the Reverend Brahe? Here is a
+purse, you pimp. Hark, how it chinks! This is sweeter than the music of
+spheres."
+
+Our necromancer, perplexed at this rencontre, made no reply; but, taking
+up his wand, waved it around his head in a very mysterious motion, with
+a view of intimidating these forward visitants, who, far from being awed
+by this sort of evolution, became more and more obstreperous, and even
+threatened to pull him by the beard, if he would not immediately comply
+with their desire. Had he called his associate, or even Hadgi, to his
+aid, he knew he could have soon calmed their turbulence; but, being
+unwilling to run the risk of a discovery, or even of a riot, he
+bethought himself of chastising their insolence in another manner, that
+would be less hazardous, and rather more effectual. In consequence of
+this suggestion, he pointed his wand towards the door of the
+apartment in which the ladies had taken sanctuary; and the two rakes,
+understanding the hint, rushed in without hesitation.
+
+The females, finding their place of retreat taken by assault, ran about
+the room in great consternation, and were immediately taken prisoners
+by the assailants, who, pulling them towards the windows, opened the
+shutters at the same instant of time, when, strange to tell! one of the
+heroes discovered in the prize he had made, the very wife of his bosom;
+and his companion perceived that he had stumbled in the dark upon
+his own mother. Their mutual astonishment was unspeakable at this
+eclaircissement, which produced a universal silence for the space
+of several minutes. During this pause, the ladies having recollected
+themselves, an expostulation was begun by the elder of the two, who
+roundly took her son to task for his disorderly life, which laid her
+under the disagreeable necessity of watching his motions, and detecting
+him in such an infamous place.
+
+While the careful mother thus exercised her talent for reprehension,
+the hopeful young gentleman, with a hand in each fob, stood whistling
+an opera tune, without seeming to pay the most profound regard to his
+parent's reproof; and the other lady, in imitation of such a consummate
+pattern, began to open upon her husband, whom she bitterly reproached
+with his looseness and intemperance, demanding to know what he had to
+allege in alleviation of his present misconduct. The surprise occasioned
+by such an unexpected meeting, had already, in a great measure,
+destroyed the effects of the wine he had so plentifully drunk, and
+the first use he made of his recovered sobriety, was to revolve within
+himself the motives that could possibly induce his wife to give him
+the rendezvous in this manner. As he had good reason to believe she
+was utterly void of jealousy, he naturally placed this rencontre to the
+account of another passion; and his chagrin was not at all impaired by
+the effrontery with which she now presumed to reprimand him. He listened
+to her, therefore, with a grave, or rather grim, aspect; and to the
+question with which she concluded her rebuke, answered, with great
+composure, "All that I have to allege, madam, is, that the bawd has
+committed a mistake, in consequence of which we are both disappointed;
+and so, ladies, your humble servant." So saying, he retired, with
+manifest confusion in his looks; and, as he passed through the
+audience-chamber, eyeing the conjurer askance, pronounced the epithet
+of precious rascal, with great emphasis. Meanwhile, the junior, like
+a dutiful child, handed his mamma to her chair; and the other client,
+after having reviled the necromancer, because he could not foresee this
+event, went away in a state of mortification.
+
+The coast being clear, Peregrine came forth from his den, and
+congratulated his friend upon the peaceable issue of the adventure,
+which he had overheard; but, that he might not be exposed to such
+inconvenience for the future, they resolved, that a grate should be
+fixed in the middle of the outward door, through which the conjurer
+himself might reconnoitre all the visitants, before their admission; so
+that, to those whose appearance he might not like, Hadgi should, without
+opening, give notice, that his master was engaged. By this expedient
+too, they provided against those difficulties which Cadwallader must
+have encountered, in giving satisfaction to strangers, whom he did not
+know: for the original intention of the founders was to confine the
+practice of their art to people of fashion only, most of whom were
+personally known to the counterfeit magician and his coadjutors.
+
+Indeed these associates, Cadwallader in particular, notwithstanding his
+boasted insight into the characters of life, never imagined that his
+pretended skill would be consulted by any but the weaker-minded of
+the female sex, incited by that spirit of curiosity which he knew was
+implanted in their nature; but, in the course of his practice, he found
+himself cultivated in his preternatural capacity by people of all sexes,
+complexions, and degrees of reputation, and had occasion to observe,
+that, when the passions are concerned, howsoever cool, cautious, and
+deliberate the disposition may otherwise be, there is nothing so idle,
+frivolous, or absurd, to which they will not apply for encouragement
+and gratification. The last occurrence, according to the hopes and
+expectation of the confederates, was whispered about by the ladies
+concerned, in such a manner, that the whole affair was in a few days the
+universal topic of discourse, in which it was retailed with numberless
+embellishments, invented by the parties themselves, who had long
+indulged a pique at each other, and took this opportunity of enjoying
+their revenge.
+
+These incidents, while they regaled the spleen, at the same time
+augmented the renown of the conjurer, who was described on both sides as
+a very extraordinary person in his way; and the alteration in his door
+was no sooner performed, than he had occasion to avail himself of it,
+against the intrusion of a great many, with whom he would have found it
+very difficult to support the fame he had acquired.
+
+Among those who appeared at his grate, he perceived a certain clergyman,
+whom he had long known a humble attendant on the great, and with some
+the reputed minister of their pleasures. This Levite had disguised
+himself in a greatcoat, boots, and dress quite foreign to the habit
+worn by those of his function; and, being admitted, attempted to impose
+himself as a country squire upon the conjurer, who, calling him by his
+name, desired him to sit down. This reception corresponding with the
+report he had heard, touching our magician's art, the doctor said he
+would lay aside all dissimulation. After having professed an implicit
+belief, that his supernatural knowledge did not proceed from any
+communication with evil spirits, but was the immediate gift of Heaven,
+he declared the intention of his coming, was to inquire into the health
+of a good friend and brother of his, who possessed a certain living in
+the country, which he named; and, as he was old and infirm, to know what
+space of time was allotted to him in this frail state of mortality, that
+he might have the melancholy satisfaction of attending him in his last
+moments, and assisting him in his preparations for eternity.
+
+The conjurer, who at once perceived the purport of this question,
+after a solemn pause, during which he seemed absorbed in contemplation,
+delivered this response to his consulter: "Though I foresee some
+occurrences, I do not pretend to be omniscient. I know not to what age
+that clergyman's life will extend; but so far I can penetrate into
+the womb of time, as to discern, that the incumbent will survive his
+intended successor." This dreadful sentence in a moment banished the
+blood from the face of the appalled consulter, who, hearing his own doom
+pronounced, began to tremble in every joint; he lifted up his eyes in
+the agony of fear, and saying, "The will of God be done," withdrew in
+silent despondence, his teeth chattering with terror and dismay.
+
+This client was succeeded by an old man about the age of seventy-five,
+who, being resolved to purchase a lease, desired to be determined in the
+term of years by the necromancer's advice, observing, that, as he had
+no children of his own body, and had no regard for his heirs-at-law,
+the purchase would be made with a view to his own convenience only; and
+therefore, considering his age, he himself hesitated in the period of
+the lease, between thirty and three-score years.
+
+The conjurer, upon due deliberation, advised him to double the last
+specified term, because he distinguished in his features something
+portending extreme old age and second childhood, and he ought to provide
+for that state of incapacity, which other-wise would be attended with
+infinite misery and affliction. The superannuated wretch, thunderstruck
+with this prediction, held up his hands, and in the first transports
+of his apprehension, exclaimed, "Lord have mercy upon me! I have not
+wherewithal to purchase such a long lease, and I have long outlived all
+my friends; what then must become of me, sinner that I am, one hundred
+and twenty years hence!" Cadwallader, who enjoyed his terror,
+under pretence of alleviating his concern, told him that what he had
+prognosticated did not deprive him of the means which he and every
+person had in their power, to curtail a life of misfortune; and the old
+gentleman went away, seemingly comforted with the assurance, that
+it would always be in his power to employ an halter for his own
+deliverance.
+
+Soon after the retreat of this elder, the magician was visited by one
+of those worthies known among the Romans by the appellation of
+haeredipetae, who had amassed a large for-tune by a close attention
+to the immediate wants and weakness of raw, inexperienced heirs.
+This honourable usurer had sold an annuity upon the life of a young
+spendthrift, being thereto induced by the affirmation of his physician,
+who had assured him his patient's constitution was so rotten, that he
+could not live one year to an end. He had, nevertheless, made shift to
+weather eighteen months, and now seemed more vigorous and healthy
+than he had ever been known: for he was supposed to have nourished an
+hereditary pox from his cradle. Alarmed at this alteration, the seller
+came to consult Cadwallader, not only about the life of the annuitant,
+but also concerning the state of his health at the time of his
+purchasing the annuity, purposing to sue the physician for false
+intelligence, should the conjurer declare that the young man was
+sound when the doctor pronounced him diseased. But this was a piece of
+satisfaction he did not obtain from the misanthrope, who, in order
+to punish his sordid disposition, gave him to understand, that the
+physician had told him the truth, and nothing but the truth; and that
+the young gentleman was in a fair way of attaining a comfortable old
+age. "That is to say," cried the client, in the impatience of his
+mortification at this answer, "bating accidents; for, thank God, the
+annuitant does not lead the most regular life. Besides, I am credibly
+informed he is choleric and rash, so that he may be concerned in a duel.
+Then there are such things as riots in the street, in which a rake's
+skull may be casually cracked; he may be overturned in a coach, overset
+in the river, thrown from a vicious horse, overtaken with a cold,
+endangered by a surfeit; but what I place my chief confidence in, is an
+hearty pox, a distemper which hath been fatal to his whole family. Not
+but that the issue of all these things is uncertain, and expedients
+might be found which would more effectually answer the purpose. I know
+they have arts in India, by which a man can secure his own interest, in
+the salutation of a friendly shake by the hand; and I don't doubt that
+you, who have lived in that country, are master of the secret. To be
+sure, if you were inclined to communicate such a nostrum, there are
+abundance of people who would purchase it at a very high price."
+
+Cadwallader understood this insinuation, and was tempted to amuse him
+in such a manner as would tend to his disgrace and confusion; but,
+considering that the case was of too criminal a nature to be tampered
+with, he withstood his desire of punishing this rapacious cormorant any
+other way than by telling him he would not impart the secret for his
+whole for-tune ten times doubled; so that the usurer retired, very much
+dissatisfied with the issue of his consultation.
+
+The next person who presented himself at this altar of intelligence,
+was an author, who recommended himself to a gratis advice, by observing,
+that a prophet and poet were known by the same appellation among the
+ancients; and that, at this day, both the one and the other spoke by
+inspiration. The conjurer refused to own this affinity, which, he said,
+formerly subsisted, because both species of the vates were the children
+of fiction; but as he himself did not fall under that predicament, he
+begged leave to disown all connection with the family of the poets; and
+the poor author would have been dismissed without his errand, though he
+offered to leave an ode as security for the magician's fee, to be
+paid from the profits of his first third night, had not Cadwallader's
+curiosity prompted him to know the subject of this gentleman's inquiry.
+He therefore told him, that, in consideration of his genius, he would
+for once satisfy him without a fee; and desired him to specify the
+doubts in which he wished to be resolved.
+
+The son of Parnassus, glad of this condescension, for which he thanked
+the necromancer, gave him to understand, that he had some time before
+presented a play in manuscript to a certain great man, at the head of
+taste, who had not only read and approved the performance, but also
+undertaken to introduce and support it on the stage; that he, the
+author, was assured by this patron, that the play was already, in
+consequence of his recommendation, accepted by one of the managers, who
+had faithfully promised to bring it to light; but that, when he waited
+on this said manager, to know when he intended to put his production
+in rehearsal, the man declared he had never seen or heard of the piece.
+"Now, Mr. Conjurer," said he, "I want to know whether or not my play has
+been presented, and if I have any sort of chance of seeing it acted this
+winter."
+
+Cadwallader, who had, in his younger days, sported among the theatrical
+muses, began to lose his temper at this question, which recalled the
+remembrance of his own disappointments; and despatched the author
+with an abrupt answer, importing that the affairs of the stage were
+altogether without the sphere of his divination, being entirely
+regulated by the daemons of dissimulation, ignorance, and caprice.
+
+It would be an endless task to recount every individual response
+which our magician delivered in the course of his conjuration. He was
+consulted in all cases of law, physic, and trade, over and above the
+ordinary subjects of marriage and fornication; his advice and assistance
+were solicited by sharpers, who desired to possess an infallible method
+of cheating unperceived; by fortune-hunters, who wanted to make prize of
+widows and heiresses; by debauchees, who were disposed to be with other
+men's wives; by coxcombs, who longed for the death of their fathers;
+by wenches with child, who wished themselves rid of their burdens; by
+merchants, who had insured above value, and thirsted after the news of a
+wreck; by underwriters, who prayed for the gift of prescience, that they
+might venture money upon such ships only as should perform the voyage
+in safety; by Jews, who wanted to foresee the fluctuations of stock; by
+usurers, who advance money upon undecided causes; by clients, who
+were dubious of the honesty of their counsel. In short, all matters
+of uncertain issue were appealed to this tribunal; and, in point of
+calculation, De Moivre was utterly neglected.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXIV.
+
+
+
+The Conjurer and his Associate execute a Plan of Vengeance against
+certain Infidels who pretend to despise their Art; and Peregrine
+achieves an Adventure with a young Nobleman.
+
+
+By these means, the whole variety of characters undisguised passed, as
+it were, in review before the confederates, who, by divers ingenious
+contrivances, punished the most flagrant offenders with as much severity
+as the nature of their plan would allow. At length they projected a
+scheme for chastising a number of their own acquaintance, who had all
+along professed the utmost contempt for the talent of this conjurer,
+which they endeavoured to ridicule in all companies, where his
+surprising art was the subject of discourse; not that they had sense
+and discernment enough to perceive the absurdity of his pretensions,
+but affected a singularity of opinions, with a view of insulting the
+inferior understandings of those who were deceived by such an idle
+impostor.
+
+Peregrine, indeed, for obvious reasons, had always espoused their
+judgment in this case, and joined them in reviling the public character
+of his friend. But he knew how far the capacities of those virtuosi
+extended, and had frequently caught them in the fact of recounting their
+exploits against the conjurer, which were the productions of their own
+invention only. On these considerations, his wrath was kindled against
+them, and he accordingly concerted measures with his coadjutor, for
+overwhelming them with confusion and dismay.
+
+In the first place, a report was spread by his emissaries, that the
+magician had undertaken to entertain their view with the appearance of
+any person whom his customers should desire to see, whether dead, or at
+the distance of a thousand leagues. This extraordinary proposal chancing
+to be the subject of conversation in a place where most of those
+infidels were assembled, they talked of it in the usual style, and some
+of them swore the fellow ought to be pilloried for his presumption.
+
+Our hero, seizing this favourable opportunity, acquiesced in their
+remarks, and observed, with great vehemence, that it would be a
+meritorious action to put the rascal to the proof, and then toss him in
+a blanket for non-performance. They were wonderfully pleased with this
+suggestion, and forthwith determined to try the experiment; though, as
+they understood the apparition would be produced to one only at a time,
+they could not immediately agree in the choice of the person who should
+stand the first brunt of the magician's skill. While each of them
+severally excused himself from this preference on various pretences,
+Peregrine readily undertook the post, expressing great confidence of the
+conjurer's incapacity to give him the least cause of apprehension.
+
+This point being settled, they detached one of their number to Crabtree,
+in order to bespeak and adjust the hour and terms of the operation,
+which he insisted upon performing at his own apartment, where everything
+was prepared for the occasion. At the appointed time, they went thither
+in a body, to the number of seven, in full expectation of detecting the
+impostor; and were received with such gloomy formality, as seemed to
+have an effect upon the countenances of some among them; though they
+were encouraged by the vivacity of Pickle, who affected a double share
+of petulance, for the more effectual accomplishment of his purpose.
+
+Cadwallader made no reply to the interrogations they uttered, in the
+levity of their insolence, at the first entrance, but ordered Hadgi to
+conduct them through the next room, that they might see there was no
+previous apparatus to affright their deputy with objects foreign to his
+undertaking. They found nothing but a couple of wax tapers burning on a
+table that stood with a chair by it in the middle of the apartment,
+and returned to the audience-chamber, leaving Peregrine by himself,
+to encounter the phantom of that person whom they should, without his
+knowledge, desire the magician to conjure up to his view.
+
+All the doors being shut and the company seated, a profound silence
+ensued, together with a face of dreadful expectation, encouraged by
+the blue flame of the candles, which were tipped with sulphur for that
+purpose, and heightened by the dismal sound of a large bell, which Hadgi
+tolled in the ante-chamber. Cadwallader having thus practised upon their
+ignorance and fear, desired them to name the person to be produced.
+After some whispers among themselves, one of them took the pen, and,
+writing the name of Commodore Trunnion upon a slip of paper, put it into
+the hands of the magician, who rose from his seat, and, opening the
+door of his closet, displayed to their view a skull, with thigh bones
+crossed, upon a table covered with black cloth.
+
+This melancholy spectacle made a remarkable impression upon the
+imaginations of the company, already prepossessed by the previous
+ceremony; and they began to survey one another with looks of
+consternation, while Cadwallader, shutting himself in the closet,
+that was contiguous to the chamber in which his friend Peregrine was
+stationed, thrust the label with his uncle's name through a small chink
+in the partition according to agreement, muttering at the time a sort
+of gibberish, that increased the panic of his audience; then returning
+to his chair, the knell was tolled again, and Pickle called aloud, "D--n
+your mummery: why don't you despatch?"
+
+This was a signal to Crabtree, who thus certified of his having received
+the paper, stood up and waved his wand in the figure of an S. The motion
+being thrice performed, their ears were all of a sudden invaded by
+a terrible noise in the next room, accompanied with the voice of
+Peregrine, who exclaimed, in a tone of horror and amazement, "Guard me,
+Heaven! my Uncle Trunnion!" This ejaculation had such an effect upon the
+hearers, that two of them swooned with fear, a third fell upon his knees
+and prayed aloud, while the other three, in a transport of dismay and
+distraction, burst open the door, and rushed into the haunted chamber,
+where they found the table and chair overturned, and Peregrine extended,
+in all appearance without sense or motion, upon the floor.
+
+They immediately began to chafe his temples, and the first symptom of
+his recovery which they perceived was a hollow groan; after which he
+pronounced these words: "Merciful powers! if I live I saw the commodore
+with his black patch, in the very clothes he wore at my sister's
+wedding." This declaration completed their astonishment and terror; they
+observed a wildness in his looks, which he seemed to bend on something
+concealed from their view; and were infected by his appearance to such
+a pitch of superstition, that it would have been an easy matter to
+persuade them that the chair and table were apparitions of their
+forefathers. However, they conducted Peregrine into the council chamber,
+where the conjurer and Hadgi were employed in ministering to those who
+had fainted.
+
+The patients having retrieved the use of their faculties, Cadwallader,
+assuming a double portion of severity in his aspect, asked if they were
+not ashamed of their former incredulity; declaring, that he was ready
+to give them more convincing proofs of his art upon the spot, and would
+immediately recall three generations of their progenitors from the dead,
+if they were disposed to relish such company. Then turning to one of
+them, whose grandfather had been hanged, "Are you," said he, "ambitious
+of seeing the first remarkable personage of your family? Say the word
+and he shall appear."
+
+This youth, who had been the most insolent and obstreperous in the whole
+society, and was now depressed with the same proportion of fear, alarmed
+at the proposal, assured the magician he had no curiosity of that sort
+remaining; and that what he had already seen would, he hoped, have a
+good effect upon his future life and conversation. Every one of these
+heroes made an acknowledgment and profession of the same kind, some of
+which were attended with tears; and Hadgi having provided chairs for the
+whole company, they departed exceedingly crest-fallen. Two of the number
+actually sickened with the agitation they had undergone, while our
+hero and his associate made themselves merry with the success of their
+enterprise.
+
+But this scheme of fortune-telling did not engross his whole attention;
+he still continued to maintain his appearance in the beau monde; and, as
+his expense far exceeded his income, strove to contract intimacies with
+people of interest and power; he showed himself regularly at court, paid
+his respects to them in all places of public diversion, and frequently
+entered into their parties, either of pleasure or cards. In the
+course of this cultivation, he happened one evening, at a certain
+chocolate-house, to overlook a match of piquet, in which he perceived
+a couple of sharpers making a prey of a young nobleman, who had neither
+temper nor skill sufficient to cope with such antagonists.
+
+Our hero, being a professed enemy to all knights of industry, could
+not bear to see them cheat in public with such insolent audacity. Under
+pretence of communicating some business of importance, he begged the
+favour of speaking to the young gentleman in another corner of the
+room, and in a friendly manner cautioned him against his opponents. This
+hot-headed representative, far from thinking or owning himself obliged
+to Pickle for his good counsel, looked upon his advice as an insult upon
+his understanding; and replied, with an air of ferocious displeasure,
+that he knew how to take care of his own concerns, and would not suffer
+either him or them to bubble him out of a shilling.
+
+Peregrine, offended at the association, as well as at the ingratitude
+and folly of this conceited coxcomb, expressed his resentment, by
+telling him, that he expected at least an acknowledgment for his candid
+intention; but he found his intellects too much warped by his vanity
+to perceive his own want of capacity and experience. Inflamed by this
+reproof, the young nobleman challenged him to play for five hundred
+pounds, with many opprobrious, or at least contemptuous terms of
+defiance, which provoked our hero to accept the proposal. After the
+other had disengaged himself from the old rooks, who were extremely
+mortified at the interruption, the two young champions sat down, and
+fortune acting with uncommon impartiality, Pickle, by the superiority of
+his talents, in two hours won to the amount of as many thousand pounds,
+for which he was obliged to take his antagonist's note, the sharpers
+having previously secured his ready money.
+
+Frantic with his loss, the rash young man would have continued the game,
+and doubled stakes every time; so that Peregrine might have increased
+his acquisition to ten times the sum he had gained; but he thought he
+had already sufficiently chastised the presumption of the challenger,
+and was unwilling to empower fortune to ravish from him the fruits of
+his success; he therefore declined my lord's proposal, unless he would
+play for ready money; and his lordship having in vain tried his credit
+among the company, our adventurer withdrew, leaving him in an ecstasy of
+rage and disappointment.
+
+As the insolence of his behaviour had increased with his ill-luck, and
+he had given vent to divers expressions which Peregrine took amiss, our
+young gentleman resolved to augment his punishment, by teasing him with
+demands which could not, he knew, be immediately satisfied; and next day
+sent Pipes to his father's house with the note, which was drawn payable
+upon demand. The debtor, who had gone to bed half-distracted with his
+misfortune, finding himself waked with such a disagreeable dun, lost
+all patience, cursed Pickle, threatened his messenger, blasphemed with
+horrible execrations, and made such a noise as reached the ears of his
+father, who, ordering his son to be called into his presence, examined
+him about the cause of that uproar, which had disturbed the whole
+family. The young gentleman, after having essayed to amuse him with
+sundry equivocations, which served only to increase his suspicion and
+desire of knowing the truth, acknowledged that he had lost some money
+overnight at cards, to a gamester who had been so impertinent as to send
+a message, demanding it that morning, though he had told the fellow that
+it would not suit him to pay him immediately. The father, who was a
+man of honour, reproached him with great severity for his profligate
+behaviour in general, and this scandalous debt in particular, which he
+believed to be some trifle; then giving him a bank-note for five hundred
+pounds, commanded him to go and discharge it without loss of time. This
+well-principled heir took the money; but, instead of waiting upon
+his creditor, he forthwith repaired to the gaming-house, in hopes of
+retrieving his loss; and, before he rose from the table, saw his note
+mortgaged for seven-eighths of its value.
+
+Meanwhile, Pickle, incensed at the treatment which his servant had
+received, and informed of his lordship's second loss, which aggravated
+his resentment, determined to preserve no medium; and, taking out a
+writ the same day, put it immediately in execution upon the body of
+his debtor, just as he stepped into his chair at the door of White's
+chocolate-house. The prisoner, being naturally fierce and haughty,
+attempted to draw upon the bailiffs, who disarmed him in a twinkling;
+and this effort served only to heighten his disgrace; which was
+witnessed by a thousand people, most of whom laughed very heartily at
+the adventure of a lord's being arrested.
+
+Such a public transaction could not long escape the knowledge of his
+father, who that very day had the satisfaction to hear that his son was
+in a spunging-house. In consequence of this information, he sent
+his steward to learn the particulars of the arrest, and was equally
+offended, surprised, and concerned, when he understood the nature of the
+debt, which he imagined his son had already discharged. Unwilling to
+pay such a considerable sum for a spendthrift, whom he had but too much
+indulged, and who in less than one week might involve himself in such
+another difficulty, the old gentleman wrote a letter to Peregrine,
+representing what a hardship it would be upon him to forfeit such sums
+by the indiscretion of a son, whose engagements he was not bound to
+fulfil, and desiring some mitigation in his demand, as it was not a debt
+contracted for value received, but incurred without subjecting him to
+the least damage or inconvenience.
+
+Our adventurer no sooner received this letter, than he went in person
+to wait upon the author, to whom he, in a candid manner, related the
+particular circumstances of the match, together with the ingratitude and
+audacity of his son, which he owned had stimulated him to such measures
+as he otherwise would have scorned to take. The nobleman acknowledged
+that the revenge was hardly adequate to the provocation, and condemned
+the conduct of his son with such justice and integrity, as disarmed
+Peregrine of his resentment, and disposed him to give an undoubted
+proof of his own disinterestedness, which he immediately exhibited, by
+producing the note, and tearing it to pieces, after having assured his
+lordship that the writ should be withdrawn, and the prisoner discharged
+before night.
+
+The earl, who perfectly well understood the value of money, and was no
+stranger to the characters of mankind, stood amazed at the sacrifice,
+which Pickle protested was offered by his esteem for his lordship; and,
+after having complimented him upon his generosity, in a very uncommon
+strain of encomium, begged the favour of his acquaintance, and insisted
+upon his dining with him next day. The youth, proud of having met
+with such an opportunity to distinguish himself, in less than an hour
+performed every article of his promise; and in the morning was visited
+by the debtor, who came, by the express order of his father, to thank
+him for the obligation under which he was laid, and to ask pardon for
+the offence he had given.
+
+This condescension was very glorious for our hero, who graciously
+received his submission, and accompanied him to dinner, where he was
+caressed by the old earl with marks of particular affection and esteem.
+Nor was his gratitude confined to exterior civility; he offered him the
+use of his interest at court, which was very powerful, and repeated his
+desire of serving him so pressingly, that Peregrine thought he could not
+dispense with the opportunity of assisting his absent friend Godfrey, in
+whose behalf he begged the influence of his lordship.
+
+The earl, pleased with this request, which was another proof of the
+young gentleman's benevolence, said, he would not fail to pay the utmost
+regard to his recommendation; and in six weeks a captain's commission
+was actually signed for the brother of Emilia, who was very agreeably
+surprised at the intimation he received from the War Office, though
+he was utterly ignorant of the canal through which he obtained that
+promotion.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXV.
+
+
+
+Peregrine is celebrated as a Wit and Patron, and proceeds to entertain
+himself at the Expense of whom it did concern.
+
+
+In the meantime, Peregrine flourished in the gay scenes of life, and,
+as I have already observed, had divers opportunities of profiting in the
+way of marriage, had not his ambition been a little too inordinate, and
+his heart still biased by a passion, which all the levity of youth could
+not balance, nor all the pride of vanity overcome. Nor was our hero
+unmarked in the world of letters and taste; he had signalized himself in
+several poetical productions, by which he had acquired a good share of
+reputation: not that the pieces were such as ought to have done much
+honour to his genius; but any tolerable performance from a person of his
+figure and supposed fortune, will always be considered by the bulk of
+readers as an instance of astonishing capacity; though the very same
+production, ushered into the world with the name of an author in less
+affluent circumstances would be justly disregarded and despised; so
+much is the opinion of most people influenced and overawed by ridiculous
+considerations.
+
+Be this as it will, our young gentleman was no sooner distinguished
+as an author, than he was marked out as a patron by all the starving
+retainers to poetry; he was solemnised in odes, celebrated in epigrams,
+and fed with the milk of soft dedication. His vanity even relished this
+incense; and, though his reason could not help despising those that
+offered it, not one of them was sent away unowned by his munificence.
+He began to think himself, in good earnest, that superior genius which
+their flattery had described; he cultivated acquaintance with the wits
+of fashion, and even composed in secret a number of bon-mots, which
+he uttered in company as the impromptus of his imagination. In this
+practice, indeed, he imitated some of the most renowned geniuses of the
+age, who, if the truth were known, have laboured in secret, with the
+sweat of their brows, for many a repartee which they have vended as the
+immediate production of fancy and expression. He was so successful in
+this exercise of his talents, that his fame actually came in competition
+with that great man who had long sat at the helm of wit; and, in a
+dialogue that once happened between them, on the subject of a corkscrew,
+wherein the altercation was discharged, according to Bayes, slap for
+slap, dash for dash, our hero was judged to have the better of his
+lordship, by some of the minor satellites, that commonly surround and
+reflect the rays of such mighty luminaries.
+
+In a word, he dipped himself so far in these literary amusements, that
+he took the management of the pit into his direction, putting himself
+at the head of those critics who call themselves the town; and in that
+capacity chastised several players, who had been rendered insolent
+and refractory by unmerited success. As for the new productions of the
+stage, though generally unspirited and insipid, they always enjoyed the
+benefit of his influence and protection; because he never disliked the
+performance so much as he sympathized with the poor author, who stood
+behind the scenes in the most dreadful suspense, trembling, as it were,
+on the very brink of damnation. Yet, though he extended his generosity
+and compassion to the humble and needy, he never let slip one
+opportunity of mortifying villainy and arrogance. Had the executive
+power of the legislature been vested in him, he would have doubtless
+devised strange species of punishment for all offenders against humanity
+and decorum; but, restricted as he was, he employed his invention in
+subjecting them to the ridicule and contempt of their fellow-subjects.
+
+It was with this view he set on foot the scheme of conjuration, which
+was still happily carried on, and made use of the intelligence of his
+friend Cadwallader; though he sometimes converted this advantage to the
+purposes of gallantry, being, as the reader may have perceived, of a
+very amorous complexion. He not only acted the reformer, or rather the
+castigator, in the fashionable world, but also exercised his
+talents among the inferior class of people, who chanced to incur his
+displeasure. One mischievous plan that entered our hero's imagination
+was suggested by two advertisements published in the same paper, by
+persons who wanted to borrow certain sums of money, for which they
+promised to give undeniable security. Peregrine, from the style and
+manner of both, concluded they were written by attorneys, a species of
+people for whom he entertained his uncle's aversion. In order to amuse
+himself and some of his friends with their disappointment, he wrote
+a letter signed A. B. to each advertiser, according to the address
+specified in the newspaper, importing, that if he would come with his
+writings to a certain coffee-house near the Temple, precisely at six in
+the evening, he would find a person sitting in the right-hand box next
+to the window, who would be glad to treat with him about the subject of
+his advertisement; and, should his security be liked, would accommodate
+him with the sum which he wanted to raise. Before the hour of this
+double appointment, Pickle, with his friend Cadwallader, and a few more
+gentlemen, to whom he had thought proper to communicate the plan, went
+to the coffee-house, and seated themselves near the place that was
+destined for their meeting.
+
+The hope of getting money had such an evident effect upon their
+punctuality, that one of them arrived a considerable time before the
+hour; and having reconnoitred the room, took his station according to
+the direction he had received, fixing his eye upon a dock that stood
+before him, and asking of the barkeeper, if it was not too slow. He,
+had not remained in this posture many minutes, when he was joined by a
+strange figure that waddled into the room, with a bundle of papers in
+his bosom, and the sweat running over his nose. Seeing a man in the box
+to which he had been directed, he took it for granted that he was the
+lender; and as soon as he could recover his breath, which was almost
+exhausted by the despatch he had made, "Sir," said he, "I presume
+you are the gentleman I was to meet about that loan." Here he was
+interrupted by the other, who eagerly replied, "A. B., sir, I suppose."
+"The same," cried the last-comer: "I was afraid I should be too late;
+for I was detained beyond my expectation by a nobleman at the other end
+of the town, that wants to mortgage a small trifle of his estate, about
+a thousand a year; and my watch happens to be in the hands of the maker,
+having met with an accident a few nights ago, which set it asleep.
+But, howsomever, there is no time lost, and I hope this affair will be
+transacted to the satisfaction of us both. For my own part, I love to do
+good offices myself, and therefore I expect nothing but what is fair and
+honest of other people."
+
+His new friend was exceedingly comforted by this declaration, which he
+considered as a happy omen of his success; and the hope of fingering
+the cash operated visibly in his countenance, while he expressed his
+satisfaction at meeting with a person of such candour and humanity. "The
+pleasure," said he, "of dealing with an easy conscientious man is, in my
+opinion, superior to that of touching all the money upon earth; for what
+joy can be compared with what a generous mind feels in befriending its
+fellow-creatures? I was never so happy in my life, as at one time, in
+lending five hundred pounds to a worthy gentleman in distress, without
+insisting upon rigid security. Sir, one may easily distinguish an
+upright man by his countenance: for example now, I think I could
+take your word for ten thousand pounds." The other, with great joy,
+protested, that he was right in his conjecture, and returned the
+compliment a thousand-fold; by which means, the expectation of both was
+wound up to a very interesting pitch; and both, at the same instant,
+began to produce their papers, in the untying of which their hands shook
+with transports of eagerness and impatience; while their eyes were so
+intent upon their work, that they did not perceive the occupation of
+each other.
+
+At length, one of them, having got the start of the other, and unrolled
+several skins of musty parchment, directed his view to the employment of
+his friend; and, seeing him fumbling at his bundle, asked if that was
+a blank bond and conveyance which he had brought along with him. The
+other, without lifting up his eyes, or desisting from his endeavours to
+loose the knot, which by this time he had applied to his teeth, answered
+this question in the negative, observing that the papers in his hand
+were the security which he proposed to give for the money. This reply
+converted the looks of the inquirer into a stare of infinite solidity,
+accompanied with the word Anan! which he pronounced in a tone of fear
+and astonishment. The other, alarmed at this note, cast his eyes towards
+the supposed lender, and was in a moment infected by his aspect. All
+the exultation of hope that sparkled in their eyes was now succeeded by
+disappointment and dismay; and while they gazed ruefully at each other,
+their features were gradually elongated, like the transient curls of a
+Middle-row periwig.
+
+This emphatic silence was, however, broken by the last-comer, who, in
+a faltering accent, desired the other to recollect the contents of his
+letter. "Of your letter!" cried the first, putting into his hand the
+advertisement he had received from Pickle; which he had no sooner
+perused, than he produced his own for the satisfaction of the other
+party. So that another gloomy pause ensued, at the end of which, each
+uttered a profound sigh, or rather groan, and, rising up, sneaked off
+without further communication, he who seemed to be the most afflicted of
+the two, taking his departure, with an exclamation of "Humbugged, egad!"
+
+Such were the amusements of our hero, though they did not engross his
+whole time, some part of which was dedicated to nocturnal riots and
+revels, among a set of young noblemen, who had denounced war against
+temperance, economy, and common sense, and were indeed the devoted sons
+of tumult, waste, and prodigality. Not that Peregrine relished those
+scenes, which were a succession of absurd extravagance, devoid of all
+true spirit, taste, or enjoyment. But his vanity prompted him to mingle
+with those who are entitled the choice spirits of the age; and his
+disposition was so pliable, as to adapt itself easily to the measures of
+his company, where he had not influence enough to act in the capacity
+of a director. Their rendezvous was a certain tavern, which might be
+properly styled the temple of excess, where they left the choice of
+their fare to the discretion of the landlord, that they might save
+themselves the pains of exercising their own reason; and, in order to
+avoid the trouble of adjusting the bill, ordered the waiter to declare
+how much every individual must pay, without specifying the articles of
+the charge. This proportion generally amounted to two guineas per head
+for each dinner and supper; and frequently exceeded that sum; of which
+the landlord durst not abate, without running the risk of having his
+nose slit for his moderation.
+
+But this was puny expense compared with that which they often incurred,
+by the damage done to the furniture and servants, in the madness of
+their intoxication, as well as the loss they sustained at hazard, an
+amusement to which all of them had recourse in the progress of their
+debauches. This elegant diversion was introduced, encouraged, and
+promoted by a crew of rapacious sharpers, who had made themselves
+necessary companions to this hopeful generation, by the talents of
+pimping and buffoonery. Though they were universally known, even
+by those they preyed upon to have no other means of earning their
+livelihood, than the most infamous and fraudulent practices, they were
+caressed and courted by these infatuated dupes, when a man of honour,
+who would not join in their excesses, would have been treated with the
+utmost indignity and contempt.
+
+Though Peregrine, in his heart, detested those abandoned courses,
+and was a professed enemy to the whole society of gamesters, whom
+he considered, and always treated, as the foes of humankind, he was
+insensibly accustomed to licentious riot, and even led imperceptibly
+into play by those cormorants, who are no less dangerous in the art of
+cheating, than by their consummate skill in working up the passions of
+unwary youth. They are, for the most part, naturally cool, phlegmatic,
+and crafty, and, by a long habit of dissimulation, have gained an
+absolute dominion over the hasty passions of the heart; so that they
+engage with manifest advantage over the impatience and impetuosity of a
+warm undesigning temper, like that of our young gentleman, who, when he
+was heated with wine, misled by example, invited on one hand, and
+defied on the other, forgot all his maxims of caution and sobriety, and,
+plunging into the reigning folly of the place, had frequent occasions
+to moralize in the morning upon the loss of the preceding night. These
+penitential reflections were attended with many laudable resolutions of
+profiting by the experience which he had so dearly purchased; but he
+was one of those philosophers who always put off till another day the
+commencement of their reformation.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXVI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine receives a letter from Hatchway, in consequence of which he
+repairs to the Garrison, and performs the last Offices to his Aunt--He
+is visited by Mr. Gauntlet, who invites him to his Marriage.
+
+
+In this circle of amusements our hero's time was parcelled out, and
+few young gentlemen of the age enjoyed life with greater relish,
+notwithstanding those intervening checks of reason, which served only
+to whet his appetite for a repetition of the pleasures she so prudently
+condemned; when he received the following letter, by which he was
+determined to visit his estate in the country:
+
+     Cousin Pickle,--I hope you are in a better trim than your
+     aunt, who hath been fast moored to her bed these seven weeks,
+     by several feet of under-water lodging in her hold and
+     hollop, whereby I doubt her planks are rotted, so that she
+     cannot choose but fall to pieces in a short time. I have
+     done all in my power to keep her tight and easy, and free
+     from sudden squalls that might overstrain her. And here
+     have been the doctors, who have scuttled her lower deck, and
+     let out six gallons of water. For my own part, I wonder how
+     the devil it came there; for you know as how it was a liquor
+     she never took in. But as for those fellows the doctors, they
+     are like unskilful carpenters, that in mending one leak make
+     a couple; and so she fills again apace. But the worst sign of
+     all is this here, she won't let a drop of Nantz go between
+     the combings of her teeth, and has quite lost the rudder of
+     her understanding, whereby she yaws woundily in her speech
+     palavering about some foreign part called the New Geereusalem,
+     and wishing herself in a safe berth in the river Geordun.
+     The parson, I must say, strives to keep her steady, concerning
+     the navigation of her soul, and talks very sensibly of charity
+     and the poor, whereof she hath left a legacy of two hundred
+     pounds in her will. And here has been Mr. Gamaliel and your
+     brother my lord, demanding entrance at the gate, in order to
+     see her; but I would not suffer them to come aboard, and
+     pointed my patereroes, which made them sheer off. Your sister,
+     Mrs. Clover, keeps close watch upon her kinswoman, without
+     ever turning in, and a kind-hearted young woman it is. I
+     should be glad to see you at the garrison, if the wind of your
+     inclination sits that way; and mayhap it may be a comfort to
+     your aunt, to behold you alongside of her, when her anchor is
+     apeak. So no more at present, but rests your friend and humble
+     servant to command,                        "John Hatchway."
+
+Next morning, after the receipt of this epistle, Peregrine, in order to
+manifest his regard to his aunt, as well as his friendship for honest
+Jack, set out on horseback for their habitation, attended by Pipes, who
+longed to see his old messmate; but before he had reached the garrison,
+Mrs. Hatchway had given up the ghost, in the threescore and fifth year
+of her age. The widower seemed to bear his loss with resignation, and
+behaved very decently upon the occasion, though he did not undergo those
+dangerous transports of sorrow, which some tender-hearted husbands have
+felt at the departure of their wives. The lieutenant was naturally a
+philosopher, and so well disposed to acquiesce in the dispensations of
+Providence, that in this, as well as in every other emergency of his
+life, he firmly believed, that everything which happened was for the
+best.
+
+Peregrine's task, therefore, was not so great in comforting him, as in
+consoling his own sister, who, with great poignancy and sincerity
+of grief, lamented the death of the only relation with whom she had
+maintained any intimacy of correspondence; for her mother was as
+implacable as ever, in her enmity against her and Peregrine, and rather
+more determined in her rancour; that which was originally a sudden
+transport of indignation, being by this time settled into a confirmed
+inveteracy of hate. As for Gam, who was now dignified by the country
+people with the appellation of the young squire, he still acted in the
+capacity of minister to the caprice and vengeance of his mother,
+taking all opportunities of disturbing Julia's peace, slandering her
+reputation, and committing outrages against the tenants and domestics of
+her husband, who was a man of quiet and timorous disposition.
+
+But the chief amusement of young Pickle, in his later years, was
+the chase, in which he acquired some renown by his intrepidity and
+remarkable figure, which improved every day in deformity; insomuch,
+as to suggest a ludicrous scheme of revenge to a gentleman in the
+neighbourhood. Having been affronted by the insolence of Crookback,
+he clothed a large baboon that was in his possession, in a dress that
+resembled the hunting equipage of Gam; and ordering the animal to be set
+astride, and tied upon the back of his keenest hunter, turned them out
+one day after the hounds. The horse in a little time outstripping all
+the rest in the field, the rider was mistaken for Gam by the whole
+company, who saluted him as he passed with a halloo, observing, that
+the squire had his usual good luck, in being better mounted than his
+neighbours. Pickle afterwards appearing in his own person, created
+great astonishment in the spectators, one of whom asked if he had split
+himself in twain, and pointed out his representative, who was, by this
+time, almost up with the hounds. Upon which the identical Gam went in
+pursuit of the impostor. When he overtook him, he was so much enraged at
+the counterfeit, that he attacked the baboon whip in hand, and, in all
+probability, would have sacrificed him to his resentment, had not he
+been prevented by the other fox-hunters. They interposed, in order
+to make up the difference betwixt two brothers of the sport, and were
+equally surprised and diverted when they distinguished the quality of
+Crookback's antagonist, which they rescued from his rage, and reconveyed
+to its master.
+
+Peregrine, at the request of his friend Jack, took charge of his aunt's
+funeral, to which his parents were invited, though they did not think
+proper to appear, or pay the least regard to his solicitations, when
+he desired permission to wait upon them in person. Nevertheless, old
+Gamaliel, at the instigation of his wife, afterwards obtained an order
+from Doctors' Commons, obliging Hatchway to produce the will of his
+wife, on the supposition that she had bequeathed to him some part of the
+money, which, he knew, was at her own disposal. But from this step he
+reaped no other satisfaction than that of finding himself altogether
+neglected by the testatrix, who had left all her effects to her husband,
+except one thousand pounds, with her jewels, to Julia's daughter,
+the benefaction mentioned in the lieutenant's letter, and some
+inconsiderable legacies to her favourite domestics.
+
+A few days after the interment of this good lady, our hero was agreeably
+surprised with a visit from his friend Godfrey, who had come to England
+in consequence of that promotion which he owed to his interest, though
+the soldier himself placed it to the credit of a certain courtier who
+had formerly promised to befriend him, and now finding his advancement
+unowned, very modestly arrogated the merit of it to himself. He
+communicated his good-fortune to Pickle, who complimented him upon it as
+an event of which he had no precognition; and at the same time told
+him, that, in consequence of his preferment, his cousin at Windsor had
+consented to his being immediately united in the bands of wedlock with
+his lovely Sophy; that the wedding-day was already fixed; and that
+nothing would be wanting to his happiness, if Peregrine would honour the
+nuptials with his presence.
+
+Our hero accepted the invitation with great eagerness, when he learned
+that Emilia would be there in quality of bridesmaid; and now repeated
+what he had formerly written to his friend, namely, that he was not only
+willing, but extremely impatient to atone for his mad behaviour to that
+young lady, by laying himself and his whole fortune at her feet. Godfrey
+thanked him for his honourable intention, and promised to use his
+influence, and that of Sophy, in his behalf, though he seemed dubious
+of their success, on account of his sister's delicacy which could not
+pardon the least shadow of disrespect. He owned, indeed, he was not
+certain that she would appear in the same company with Pickle; but, as
+she made no stipulation on that score, he would interpret her silence
+in the most favourable manner, and keep her in ignorance of his design,
+until she should find it too late to retract with any decency. The hope
+of seeing and conversing with Emilia, and perhaps of being reconciled
+to her, after having suffered so much and so long from her displeasure,
+raised a tumult of ideas in his breast, and produced a strange
+inquietude of joy and perturbation. Gauntlet having stayed with him a
+few days, and signified the time appointed for his spousals, took his
+leave, in order to prepare for the occasion; while Peregrine, with his
+friend Hatchway, made a tour among his acquaintance in the country, with
+a view of sounding their inclinations touching a project which he had
+lately conceived, of offering himself as a candidate for a certain
+borough in the neighbourhood, at the ensuing election for members of
+parliament.
+
+This scheme, which was suggested to him by one of his quality patrons,
+would have succeeded according to his wish, had the election taken place
+immediately; but, before that happened, his interest was overbalanced
+by some small accidents that will be recorded in the sequel. In the
+meantime, he repaired to Windsor on the eve of his friend's marriage,
+and understood from Godfrey that it was with the utmost difficulty he
+and Sophy could prevail upon his sister to be present at the wedding.
+when she was informed that her lover was invited; and that her consent
+had not been obtained until they had promised, on the part of Peregrine,
+that he should not renew the old topic, nor even speak to her in the
+style of a former acquaintance.
+
+Our young gentleman was nettled at this preliminary, to which, however,
+he said he would adhere; and so well did he think himself fortified with
+pride and resentment, that he resolved to behave towards her with such
+indifference, as would, he hoped, mortify her vanity, and thereby
+punish her for the implacability of her disposition. Armed with these
+sentiments, he was next day introduced by Godfrey to the bride, who
+received him with her usual sweetness of temper and affability; and
+Emilia being present, he saluted her with a distant bow, which she
+acknowledged with a cold courtesy, and an aspect of ice. Though
+this deportment confirmed his displeasure, her beauty undermined his
+resolution; he thought her charms infinitely improved since their last
+parting, and a thousand fond images recurring to his imagination, he
+felt his whole soul dissolving into tenderness and love.
+
+In order to banish those dangerous ideas, he endeavoured to enter into a
+gay conversation with Sophy, on the subject of the approaching ceremony;
+but his tongue performed its office awkwardly, his eyes were attracted
+towards Emilia, as if they had been subject to the power of fascination;
+in spite of all his efforts, a deep sigh escaped from his bosom, and
+his whole appearance indicated anxiety and confusion. The bridegroom,
+perceiving his condition, abridged the visit, and having conducted his
+companion to his own lodgings, expressed his concern at having been the
+innocent occasion of his uneasiness, by exposing him to the sight of
+Emilia, which he perceived had given him pain. Peregrine, who had by
+this time recollected the dictates of his pride, assured him, that he
+was very much mistaken in the cause of his disorder, which was no other
+than a sudden qualm, to which he had been for some time subject; and to
+show him how philosophically he could bear the disdain of Emilia, which,
+with all deference to her conduct, he could not help thinking a little
+too severe, he desired, as the bridegroom had made preparation for a
+private ball in the evening, that he would provide him with an agreeable
+partner; in which case he would exhibit undoubted proofs of the
+tranquility of his heart. "I was in hopes," answered Godfrey, "of being
+able, with the assistance of Sophy, to make up matters between you and
+my sister, and for that reason kept her unengaged to any other gentleman
+for the night; but since she was so peevishly obstinate, I shall take
+care to accommodate you with a very handsome young lady, whose partner
+will not be sorry to exchange her for Emilia."
+
+The thoughts of having an opportunity to coquette with another woman,
+under the eye of this implacable mistress, supported his spirits during
+the ceremony, which put Gauntlet in possession of his heart's desire;
+and, by means of this cordial, he found himself so undisturbed at
+dinner, though he sat opposite to his fair enemy, that he was able
+to pass some occasional jokes upon the new-married couple, with some
+appearance of mirth and good-humour. Nor did Emily any otherwise seem
+affected by his presence, than by excepting him from the participation
+of those genial regards which she distributed to the rest of the
+company. This easiness of behaviour on her side reinforced his
+resolution, by giving him pretence to call her sensibility in question;
+for he could not conceive how any woman of acute feelings could sit
+unmoved in presence of a man with whom she had such recent and intimate
+connection; not considering that she had much more reason to condemn his
+affectation of unconcern, and that her external deportment might, like
+his own, be an effort of pride and resentment.
+
+This contest, in point of dissimulation, continued till night, when the
+company was paired for dancing, and Peregrine began the ball by walking
+a minuet with the bride; then he took out the young lady to whom he was
+recommended by Gauntlet, being very well pleased to see that her person
+was such as might have inspired even Emily herself with jealousy,
+though, at the same time, he perceived his mistress coupled with a gay
+young officer, whom, with all due deference to his own qualifications,
+he considered as no despicable rival. However, he himself first began
+hostilities, by becoming all of a sudden particular with his partner,
+whom he forthwith assailed with flattering compliments, that soon
+introduced the subject of love, upon which he expatiated with great
+art and elocution, using not only the faculty of speech, but also the
+language of the eyes, in which he was a perfect connoisseur.
+
+This behaviour soon manifested itself to the whole assembly, the
+greatest part of whom believed that he was in good earnest captivated
+by the charms of his partner; while Emilia, penetrating into his
+design, turned his own artillery upon himself, by seeming to listen with
+pleasure to the addresses of his rival, who was no novice in the art of
+making love. She even affected uncommon vivacity, and giggled aloud at
+every whisper which he conveyed into her ear, insomuch that she, in
+her turn, afforded speculation to the company, who imagined the young
+soldier had made a conquest of the bridegroom's sister. Pickle
+himself began to cherish the same opinion, which gradually invaded his
+good-humour, and at length filled his bosom with rage. He strove to
+suppress his indignation, and called every consideration of vanity
+and revenge to his aid. He endeavoured to wean his eyes from the fatal
+object that disturbed him, but they would not obey his direction and
+command. He wished himself deprived of all sensation, when he heard
+her laugh, and saw her smile upon the officer; and, in the course of
+country-dancing, when he was obliged to join hands with her, the touch
+thrilled through all his nerves, and kindled a flame within him which he
+could not contain. In a word, his endeavours to conceal the situation of
+his thoughts were so violent, that his constitution could not endure the
+shock; the sweat ran down his forehead in a stream, the colour vanished
+from his cheeks, his knees began to totter, and his eyesight to fail; so
+that he must have fallen at his full length upon the floor, had not he
+retired very abruptly into another room, where he threw himself upon a
+couch, and fainted.
+
+In this condition he was found by his friend, who, seeing him withdraw
+with such symptoms of disorder, followed him thither; and, when he
+recovered the use of his faculties, pressed him to make use of a bed in
+that house, rather than expose himself in the night air, by going home
+to his own lodgings; but not being able to prevail upon him to accept
+the offer, he wrapped him up in a cloak, and, conducting him to the
+inn where he lodged, helped him to undress and go to bed, where he was
+immediately seized with a violent fit of the ague. Godfrey behaved with
+great tenderness, and would have actually borne him company all night,
+notwithstanding the circumstances of his own situation, had not his
+friend insisted upon his returning to the company, and making his
+apology to his partner for his sudden departure. This was a step
+absolutely necessary towards maintaining the quiet of the assembly,
+which he found in great consternation, occasioned by his absence; for
+some of the ladies, seeing the bridegroom follow the stranger in his
+retreat, the meaning of which they did not comprehend, began to be
+afraid of a quarrel. Emilia, upon pretence of that supposition, was so
+much alarmed, that she could not stand, and was fain to have recourse to
+a smelling-bottle.
+
+The bride, who understood the whole mystery, was the only person that
+acted with deliberation and composure; she imputed Emilia's disorder to
+the right cause, which was no other than concern for the condition of
+her lover, and assured the ladies there was nothing extraordinary in Mr.
+Pickle's going off, he being subject to fainting fits, by which he was
+often overtaken without any previous notice. The arrival of Gauntlet
+confirmed the truth of this declaration. He made an apology to the
+company in the name of his friend, who, he told them, was suddenly
+taken ill; and they returned to their diversion of dancing, with this
+variation: Emilia was so disordered and fatigued, that she begged to
+be excused from continuing the exercise; and Peregrine's partner
+being disengaged, was paired with the young officer, for whom she
+was originally designed. Meanwhile, the bride withdrew into another
+apartment with her sister, and expostulated with her upon her cruelty
+to Mr. Pickle, assuring her, from Godfrey's information, that he had
+undergone a severe fit on her account, which, in all likelihood
+would have a dangerous effect upon his constitution. Though Emily was
+inflexible in her answers to the kind remonstrances of the gentle
+Sophy, her heart was melting with the impressions of pity and love; and,
+finding herself unable to perform the duty of her function, in putting
+the bride to bed, she retired to her own chamber, and in secret
+sympathized with the distemper of her lover.
+
+In the morning, as early as decency would permit him to leave the arms
+of his dear wife, Captain Gauntlet made a visit to Peregrine, who had
+passed a very tedious and uneasy night, having been subject to short
+intervals of delirium, during which Pipes had found it very difficult to
+keep him fast belayed. He owned indeed to Godfrey, that his imagination
+had been haunted by the ideas of Emilia and her officer, which tormented
+him to an unspeakable degree of anguish and distraction; and that
+he would rather suffer death than a repetition of such excruciating
+reflections. He was, however, comforted by his friend, who assured
+him, that his sister's inclinations would in time prevail over all the
+endeavours of resentment and pride, illustrating this asseveration by an
+account of the manner in which she was affected by the knowledge of
+his disorder, and advising him to implore the mediation of Sophy, in a
+letter which she should communicate to Emilia.
+
+This was an opportunity which our hero thought too favourable to be
+neglected: calling for paper, he sat up in his bed, and, in the first
+transports of his emotion, wrote the following petition to Godfrey's
+amiable wife:--
+
+     Dear Madam--The affliction of a contrite heart can never
+     appeal to your benevolence in vain, and, therefore, I
+     presume to approach you in this season of delight, with
+     the language of sorrow, requesting that you will espouse
+     the cause of an unhappy lover, who mourns with unutterable
+     anguish over his ruined hope, and intercede for my pardon
+     with that divine creature, whom, in the intemperance and
+     excess of passion, I have so mortally offended. Good Heaven!
+     is my guilt inexpiable? Am I excluded from all hope of
+     remission? Am I devoted to misery and despair? I have
+     offered all the atonement which the most perfect and sincere
+     penitence could suggest, and she rejects my humility and
+     repentance. If her resentment would pursue me to the grave,
+     let her signify her pleasure; and may I be branded with the
+     name of villain, and remembered with infamy and detestation
+     to all posterity, if I hesitate one moment in sacrificing a
+     life which is odious to Emilia. Ah! madam, while I thus pour
+     forth the effusions of my grief and distraction, I look
+     around the apartment in which I lie, and every well-known
+     object that salutes my view, recalls to my remembrance that
+     fond, that happy day, on which the fair, the good, the
+     tender-hearted Sophy became my advocate, though I was a
+     stranger to her acquaintance, and effected a transporting
+     reconciliation between me and that same enchanting beauty,
+     that is now so implacably incensed. If she is not satisfied
+     with the pangs of remorse and disappointment, the transports
+     of madness I have undergone, let her prescribe what further
+     penance she thinks I ought to endure, and when I decline her
+     sentence, let me be the object of her eternal disdain.
+
+     I commit myself, dear madam! dear Sophy! dear partner of my
+     Friend! to your kind interposition. I know you will manage
+     my cause, as a concern on which my happiness entirely
+     depends; and I hope everything from your compassion and
+     beneficence, while I fear everything from her rigour and
+     barbarity. Yes! I call it barbarity, a savageness of delicacy
+     altogether inconsistent with the tenderness of human nature;
+     and may the most abject contempt be my portion, if I live
+     under its scourge! But I begin to rave. I conjure you by your
+     own humanity and sweetness of disposition, I conjure you by
+     your love for the man whom Heaven hath decreed your protector,
+     to employ your influence with that angel of wrath, in behalf
+     of your obliged and obedient servant.             "P. PICKLE."
+
+This epistle was immediately transmitted by Godfrey to his wife, who
+perused it with marks of the most humane sympathy; and, carrying it
+into her sister's chamber, "Here is something," said she, presenting the
+paper, "which I must recommend to your serious attention." Emilia, who
+immediately guessed the meaning of this address, absolutely refused to
+look upon it, or even to hear it read, till her brother, entering her
+apartment, reprimanded her sharply for her obstinacy and pride, accused
+her of folly and dissimulation, and entered so warmly into the interests
+of his friend, that she thought him unkind in his remonstrances, and,
+bursting into a flood of tears, reproached him with partiality and
+want of affection. Godfrey, who entertained the most perfect love and
+veneration for his sister, asked pardon for having given offence, and,
+kissing the drops from her fair eyes, begged she would, for his sake,
+listen to the declaration of his friend.
+
+Thus solicited, she could not refuse to hear the letter, which, when he
+had repeated, she lamented her own fate in being the occasion of so much
+uneasiness, desired her brother to assure Mr. Pickle that she was not
+a voluntary enemy to his peace; on the contrary, she wished him all
+happiness, though she hoped he would not blame her for consulting her
+own, in avoiding any future explanation or connection with a person
+whose correspondence she found herself under a necessity to renounce. In
+vain did the new-married couple exhaust their eloquence in attempting
+to prove, that the reparation which our hero had offered was adequate to
+the injury she had sustained: that in reconciling herself to a penitent
+lover, who subscribed to her own terms of submission, her honour would
+be acquitted by the most scrupulous and severe judges of decorum;
+and that her inflexibility would be justly ascribed to the pride
+and insensibility of her heart. She turned a deaf ear to all their
+arguments, exhortations, and entreaties, and threatened to leave the
+house immediately, if they would not promise to drop that subject of
+discourse.
+
+Godfrey, very much chagrined at the bad success of his endeavours,
+returned to his friend, and made as favourable a report of the affair,
+as the nature of his conversation with Emilia would permit; but as he
+could not avoid mentioning her resolution in the close, Peregrine was
+obliged to drink again the bitter draught of disappointment, which put
+his passions into such a state of agitation, as produced a short ecstasy
+of despair, in which he acted a thousand extravagances. This paroxysm,
+however, soon subsided into a settled reserve of gloomy resentment,
+which he in secret indulged, detaching himself, as soon as possible,
+from the company of the soldier, on pretence of retiring to rest.
+
+While he lay ruminating upon the circumstances of his present situation,
+his friend Pipes, who knew the cause of his anxiety, and firmly believed
+that Emilia loved his master at her heart, howsoever she might attempt
+to disguise her sentiments; I say, Thomas was taken with a conceit
+which he thought would set everything to rights, and therefore put it in
+execution without further delay. Laying aside his hat, he ran directly
+to the house of Sophy's father, and, affecting an air of surprise and
+consternation, to which he had never before been subject, thundered at
+the door with such an alarming knock, as in a moment brought the whole
+family into the hall. When he was admitted, he began to gape, stare, and
+pant at the same time, and made no reply, when Godfrey asked what was
+the matter, till Mrs. Gauntlet expressed her apprehensions about his
+master. When Pickle's name was mentioned, he seemed to make an effort to
+speak, and, in a bellowing tone, pronounced, "Brought himself up, split
+my topsails!" So saying, he pointed to his own neck, and rose upon his
+tiptoes, by way of explaining the meaning of his words.
+
+Godfrey, without staying to ask another question, rushed out, and flew
+towards the inn, with the utmost horror and concern; while Sophy, who
+did not rightly understand the language of the messenger, addressing
+herself to him a second time, said, "I hope no accident has happened
+to Mr. Pickle?"--"No accident at all," replied Tom; "he has only hanged
+himself for love." These words had scarcely proceeded from his mouth,
+when Emilia, who stood listening at the parlour door, shrieked aloud,
+and dropped down senseless upon the floor; while her sister, who
+was almost equally shocked at the intelligence, had recourse to the
+assistance of her maid, by whom she was supported from falling. Pipes,
+hearing Emily's voice, congratulated himself upon the success of his
+stratagem. He sprung to her assistance, and, lifting her up into an easy
+chair, stood by her, until he saw her recover from her swoon, and heard
+her call upon his master's name, with all the frenzy of despairing love.
+Then he bent his course back to the inn, overjoyed at the opportunity of
+telling Peregrine what a confession he had extorted from his mistress,
+and extremely vain of this proof of his own sagacity.
+
+In the meantime Godfrey arriving at the house in which he supposed this
+fatal catastrophe had happened, ran upstairs to Peregrine's chamber,
+without staying to make any inquiry below; and, finding the door locked,
+burst it open with one stroke of his foot. But what was his amazement,
+when, upon entrance, our hero, starting up from the bed, saluted him
+with a boisterous exclamation of "Zounds! who's there?" He was struck
+dumb with astonishment, which also riveted him to the place where he
+stood, scarce crediting the testimony of his own senses, till Peregrine,
+with an air of discontent, which denoted him displeased with his
+intrusion, dispelled his apprehension by a second address, saying, "I
+see you consider me as a friend, by your using me without ceremony."
+The soldier, thus convinced of the falsehood of the information he had
+received, began to imagine, that Pickle had projected the plan which was
+executed by his servant; and looking upon it as a piece of unjustifiable
+finesse, which might be attended with very melancholy consequences to
+his sister or wife, he answered, in a supercilious tone, that Mr.
+Pickle must blame himself for the interruption of his repose, which was
+entirely owing to the sorry jest he had set on foot.
+
+Pickle, who was the child of passion, and more than half mad with
+impatience before this visit, hearing himself treated in such a cavalier
+manner, advanced close up to Godfrey's breast, and assuming a stern, or
+rather frantic countenance, "Hark ye, sir," said he, "you are mistaken
+if you think I jest; I am in downright earnest, I assure you." Gauntlet,
+who was not a man to be browbeaten, seeing himself thus bearded by a
+person of whose conduct he had, he thought, reason to complain, put on
+his military look of defiance, and, erecting his chest, replied with
+an exalted voice, "Mr. Pickle, whether you were in jest or earnest,
+you must give me leave to tell you, that the scheme was childish,
+unseasonable, and unkind, not to give it a harsher term."--"Death, sir!"
+cried our adventurer, "you trifle with my disquiet; if there is any
+meaning in your insinuation, explain yourself, and then I shall know
+what answer it will befit me to give."--"I came with very different
+sentiments," resumed the soldier, "but since you urge me to
+expostulation, and behave with such unprovoked loftiness of displeasure,
+I will, without circumlocution, tax you with having committed an outrage
+upon the peace of my family, in sending your fellow to alarm us with
+such an abrupt account of your having done violence upon yourself."
+Peregrine, confounded at this imputation, stood silent, with a most
+savage aspect of surprise, eager to know the circumstance to which
+his accuser alluded, and incensed to find it beyond the sphere of his
+comprehension.
+
+While these two irritated friends stood fronting each other with mutual
+indignation in their eyes and attitudes, they were joined by Pipes, who,
+without taking the least notice of the situation in which he found them,
+told his master, that he might up with the top-gallant masts of his
+heart, and out with his rejoicing pendants; for as to Miss Emily, he
+had clapped her helm aweather, the vessel wore, and now she was upon the
+other tack, standing right into the harbour of his good-will. Peregrine,
+who was not yet a connoisseur in the terms of his lacquey, commanded
+him, upon pain of his displeasure, to be more explicit in his
+intelligence; and by dint of divers questions, obtained a perfect
+knowledge of the scheme which he had put in execution for his service.
+This information perplexed him not a little; he would have chastised
+his servant upon the spot for his temerity, had he not plainly perceived
+that the fellow's intention was to promote his case and satisfaction;
+and, on the other hand, he knew not how to acquit himself of the
+suspicion which he saw Godfrey entertain of his being the projector of
+the plan, without condescending to an explanation, which his present
+disposition could not brook. After some pause, however, turning to Pipes
+with a severe frown, "Rascal!" said he, "this is the second time I have
+suffered in the opinion of that lady, by your ignorance and presumption;
+if ever you intermeddle in my affairs for the future, without express
+order and direction, by all that's sacred, I will put you to death
+without mercy! Away, and let my horse be saddled this instant."
+
+Pipes having withdrawn, in order to perform this piece of duty, our
+young gentleman, addressing himself again to the soldier, and laying
+his hand upon his breast, said, with a solemnity of regard, "Captain
+Gauntlet, upon my honour, I am altogether innocent of that shallow
+device which you impute to my invention; and I don't think you do
+justice either to my intellect or honour, in supposing me capable of
+such insolent absurdity. As for your sister, I have once in my life
+affronted her in the madness and impetuosity of desire; but I have made
+such acknowledgments, and offered such atonement, as few women of her
+sphere would have refused; and before God I am determined to endure
+every torment of disappointment and despair, rather than prostrate
+myself again to the cruelty of her unjustifiable pride." So saying, he
+stalked suddenly down-stairs, and took horse immediately, his spirits
+being supported by resentment, which prompted him to vow within himself,
+that he would seek consolation for the disdain of Emilia, in the
+possession of the first willing wench he should meet upon the road.
+
+While he set out for the garrison with these sentiments, Gauntlet, in a
+suspense between anger, shame, and concern, returned to the house of his
+father-in-law, where he found his sister still violently agitated
+from the news of Peregrine's death; the mystery of which he forthwith
+unravelled, recounting at the same time the particulars of the
+conversation which had happened at the inn, and describing the demeanour
+of Pickle with some expressions of asperity, which were neither
+agreeable to Emilia, nor approved by the gentle Sophy, who tenderly chid
+him, for allowing Peregrine to depart in terms of misunderstanding.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXVII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine sets out for the Garrison, and meets with a Nymph of the Road,
+whom he takes into Keeping, and metamorphoses into a fine Lady.
+
+
+In the meantime, our hero jogged along in a profound reverie, which
+was disturbed by a beggar-woman and her daughter, who solicited him
+for alms, as he passed them on the road. The girl was about the age
+of sixteen, and, notwithstanding the wretched equipage in which she
+appeared, exhibited to his view a set of agreeable features, enlivened
+with the complexion of health and cheerfulness. The resolution I have
+already mentioned was still warm in his imagination; and he looked upon
+this young mendicant as a very proper object for the performance of his
+vow. He, therefore, entered into a conference with the mother, and for
+a small sum of money purchased her property in the wench, who did not
+require much courtship and entreaty, before she consented to accompany
+him to any place that he should appoint for her habitation.
+
+This contract being settled to his satisfaction, he ordered Pipes to
+seat his acquisition behind him upon the crupper, and, alighting at the
+first public-house which they found upon the road, he wrote a letter to
+Hatchway, desiring him to receive this hedge inamorata, and direct her
+to be cleaned and clothed in a decent manner, with all expedition, so
+that she should be touchable upon his arrival, which, on that account,
+he would defer for the space of one day. This billet, together with
+the girl, he committed to the charge of Pipes, after having laid strong
+injunctions upon him to abstain from all attempts upon her chastity,
+and ordered him to make the best of his way to the garrison, while he
+himself crossed the country to a market town, where he proposed to spend
+the night.
+
+Tom, thus cautioned, proceeded with his charge, and, being naturally
+taciturn, opened not his lips, until he had performed the best half of
+his journey. But Thomas, notwithstanding his irony appearance, was in
+reality composed of flesh and blood. His desire being titillated by
+the contact of a buxom wench, whose right arm embraced his middle as he
+rode, his thoughts began to mutiny against his master, and he found
+it almost impossible to withstand the temptation of making love.
+Nevertheless, he wrestled with these rebellious suggestions with all
+the reason that Heaven had enabled him to exert; and that being totally
+overcome, his victorious passion suddenly broke out in this address:
+
+"'Sblood! I believe master thinks I have no more stuff in my body than
+a dried haddock, to turn me adrift in the dark with such a spanker. D'ye
+think he don't, my dear?" To this question his fellow-traveller replied,
+"Swanker anan!" And the lover resumed his suit, saying, "Oons! how you
+tickle my timber! Something shoots from your arm, through my stowage,
+to the very keelstone. Han't you got quicksilver in your
+hand?"--"Quicksilver!" said the lady, "d--n the silver that has crossed
+my hand this month; d'ye think, if I had silver, I shouldn't buy me a
+smock?"--"Adsooks! you baggage," cried the lover, "you shouldn't want
+a smock nor a petticoat neither, if you could have a kindness for a
+true-hearted sailor, as sound and strong as a nine-inch cable, that
+would keep all clear above board, and everything snug under the
+hatches."--"Curse your gum!" said the charmer, "what's your gay balls
+and your hatches to me?"--"Do but let us bring-to a little," answered
+the wooer, whose appetite was by this time whetted to a most ravenous
+degree, "and I'll teach you to box the compass, my dear. Ah! you
+strapper, what a jolly b-- you are!"--"B--!" exclaimed this modern
+dulcinea, incensed at the opprobrious term; "such a b-- as your mother,
+you dog! D-- you, I've a good mind to box your jaws instead of your
+comepiss. I'll let you know, as how I am meat for your master, you saucy
+blackguard. You are worse than a dog, you old flinty-faced, flea-bitten
+scrub. A dog wears his own coat, but you wear your master's."
+
+Such a torrent of disgraceful epithets from a person who had no clothes
+at all, converted the gallant's love into choler, and he threatened to
+dismount and seize her to a tree, when she should have a taste of
+his cat-o'-nine-tails athwart her quarters; but, instead of being
+intimidated by his menaces, she set him at defiance, and held forth with
+such a flow of eloquence, as would have entitled her to a considerable
+share of reputation, even among the nymphs of Billingsgate; for this
+young lady, over and above a natural genius for altercation, had her
+talents cultivated among the venerable society of weeders, podders, and
+hoppers, with whom she had associated from her tender years. No wonder,
+then, that she soon obtained a complete victory over Pipes, who, as the
+reader may have observed, was very little addicted to the exercise of
+speech. Indeed, he was utterly disconcerted by her volubility of tongue;
+and, being altogether unfurnished with answers to the distinct periods
+of her discourse, very wisely chose to save himself the expense of
+breath and argument, by giving her a full swing of cable, so that she
+might bring herself up; while he rode onwards, in silent composure,
+without taking any more notice of his fair fellow-traveller, than if she
+had been his master's cloak-bag.
+
+In spite of all the despatch he could make, it was late before he
+arrived at the garrison, where he delivered the letter and the lady to
+the lieutenant, who no sooner understood the intention of his friend,
+than he ordered all the tubs in the house to be carried into the hall,
+and filled with water. Tom having provided himself with swabs and
+brushes, divested the fair stranger of her variegated drapery, which
+was immediately committed to the flames, and performed upon her soft and
+sleek person the ceremony of scrubbing, as it is practised on board of
+the king's ships of war. Yet the nymph herself did not submit to this
+purification without repining. She cursed the director, who was upon the
+spot, with many abusive allusions to his wooden leg; and as for Pipes
+the operator, she employed her talons so effectually upon his face, that
+the blood ran over his nose in sundry streams; and next morning, when
+those rivulets were dry, his countenance resembled the rough bark of a
+plum-tree, plastered with gum. Nevertheless, he did his duty with great
+perseverance, cut off her hair close to the scalp, handled his brushes
+with dexterity, applied his swabs of different magnitude and texture, as
+the case required; and, lastly, rinsed the whole body with a dozen pails
+of cold water, discharged upon her head.
+
+These ablutions being executed, he dried her with towels, accommodated
+her with a clean shift, and, acting the part of a valet-de-chambre,
+clothed her from head to foot, in clean and decent apparel which had
+belonged to Mrs. Hatchway; by which means her appearance was altered
+so much for the better, that when Peregrine arrived next day, he could
+scarce believe his own eyes. He was, for that reason, extremely well
+pleased with his purchase, and now resolved to indulge a whim, which
+seized him at the very instant of his arrival.
+
+He had, as I believe the reader will readily allow, made considerable
+progress in the study of character, from the highest rank to the most
+humble station of life, and found it diversified in the same manner,
+through every degree of subordination and precedency: nay, he moreover
+observed, that the conversation of those who are dignified with the
+appellation of polite company, is neither more edifying nor entertaining
+than that which is met with among the lower classes of mankind; and that
+the only essential difference, in point of demeanour, is the form of an
+education, which the meanest capacity can acquire, without much study or
+application. Possessed of this notion, he determined to take the young
+mendicant under his own tutorage and instruction. In consequence of
+which, he hoped he should, in a few weeks, be able to produce her in
+company, as an accomplished young lady of uncommon wit, and an excellent
+understanding.
+
+This extravagant plan he forthwith began to execute with great eagerness
+and industry; and his endeavours succeeded even beyond his expectation.
+The obstacle, in surmounting of which he found the greatest difficulty,
+was an inveterate habit of swearing, which had been indulged from her
+infancy, and confirmed by the example of those among whom she had lived.
+However, she had the rudiments of good sense from nature, which taught
+her to listen to wholesome advice, and was so docile as to comprehend
+and retain the lessons which her governor recommended to her attention;
+insomuch, that he ventured, in a few days, to present her at table,
+among a set of country squires, to whom she was introduced as niece to
+the lieutenant. In that capacity she sat with becoming easiness of mien,
+for she was as void of the mauvaise honte as any duchess in the land;
+bowed very graciously to the compliments of the gentlemen; and though
+she said little or nothing, because she was previously cautioned on that
+score, she more than once gave way to laughter, and her mirth happened
+to be pretty well timed. In a word, she attracted the applause and
+admiration of the guests, who, after she was withdrawn, complimented Mr.
+Hatchway upon the beauty, breeding, and good-humour of his kinswoman.
+
+But what contributed more than any other circumstance to her speedy
+improvement, was some small insight into the primer, which she had
+acquired at a day-school, during the life of her father, who was a
+day-labourer in the country. Upon this foundation did Peregrine build
+a most elegant superstructure; he culled out choice sentences from
+Shakespeare, Otway, and Pope, and taught her to repeat them with an
+emphasis and theatrical cadence. He then instructed her in the names
+and epithets of the most celebrated players, which he directed her
+to pronounce occasionally, with an air of careless familiarity; and,
+perceiving that her voice was naturally clear, he enriched it with
+remnants of opera tunes, to be hummed during a pause in conversation,
+which is generally supplied with a circulation of a pinch of snuff.
+By means of this cultivation she became a wonderful proficient in the
+polite graces of the age; she, with great facility, comprehended the
+scheme of whist, though cribbage was her favourite game, with which she
+had amused herself in her vacant hours, from her first entrance into the
+profession of hopping; and brag soon grew familiar to her practice and
+conception.
+
+Thus prepared, she was exposed to the company of her own sex, being
+first of all visited by the parson's daughter, who could not avoid
+showing that civility to Mr. Hatchway's niece, after she had made her
+public appearance at church. Mrs. Clover, who had a great share of
+penetration, could not help entertaining some doubts about this same
+relation, whose name she had never heard the uncle mention, during the
+whole term of her residence at the garrison. But as the young lady was
+treated in that character, she would not refuse her acquaintance; and,
+after having seen her at the castle, actually invited Miss Hatchway to
+her house. In short, she made a progress through almost all the families
+in the neighbourhood; and by dint of her quotations, which, by the bye,
+were not always judiciously used, she passed for a sprightly young lady,
+of uncommon learning and taste.
+
+Peregrine having in this manner initiated her in the beau monde of the
+country, conducted her to London, where she was provided with private
+lodgings and a female attendant; and put her immediately under the
+tuition of his valet-de-chambre, who had orders to instruct her in
+dancing, and the French language. He attended her to plays and concerts
+three or four times a week; and when our hero thought her sufficiently
+accustomed to the sight of great company, he squired her in person to
+a public assembly, and danced with her among all the gay ladies of
+fashion; not but that there was still an evident air of rusticity and
+awkwardness in her demeanour, which was interpreted into an agreeable
+wildness of spirit, superior to the forms of common breeding. He
+afterwards found means to make her acquainted with some distinguished
+patterns of her own sex, by whom she was admitted into the most elegant
+parties, and continued to make good her pretensions to gentility, with
+great circumspection. But one evening, being at cards with a certain
+lady whom she detected in the very fact of unfair conveyance, she taxed
+her roundly with the fraud, and brought upon herself such a torrent of
+sarcastic reproof, as overbore all her maxims of caution, and burst
+open the floodgates of her own natural repartee, twanged off with the
+appellation of b-- and w--, which she repeated with great vehemence, in
+an attitude of manual defiance, to the terror of her antagonist, and
+the astonishment of all present; nay, to such an unguarded pitch was she
+provoked, that, starting up, she snapped her fingers, in testimony of
+disdain, and, as she quitted the room, applied her hand to that part
+which was the last of her that disappeared, inviting the company to kiss
+it by one of its coarsest denominations.
+
+Peregrine was a little disconcerted at this oversight in her behaviour,
+which, by the demon of intelligence, was in a moment conveyed to all the
+private companies in town; so that she was absolutely excluded from all
+polite communication, and Peregrine, for the present, disgraced among
+the modest part of his female acquaintance, many of whom not only
+forbade him their houses, on account of the impudent insult he had
+committed upon their honour, as well as understanding, in palming a
+common trull upon them, as a young lady of birth and education; but
+also aspersed his family, by affirming that she was actually his own
+cousin-german, whom he had precipitately raised from the most abject
+state of humility and contempt. In revenge for this calumny, our young
+gentleman explained the whole mystery of her promotion, together with
+the motives that induced him to bring her into the fashionable world;
+and repeated among his companions the extravagant encomiums which had
+been bestowed upon her by the most discerning matrons of the age.
+
+Meanwhile, the infanta herself being rebuked by her benefactor for this
+instance of misbehaviour, promised faithfully to keep a stricter
+guard for the future over her conduct, and applied herself with great
+assiduity to the studies, in which she was assisted by the Swiss, who
+gradually lost the freedom of his heart, while she was profiting by his
+instruction. In other words, she made a conquest of her preceptor, who
+yielding to the instigations of the flesh, chose a proper opportunity
+to declare his passion, which was powerfully recommended by his personal
+qualifications; and his intentions being honourable, she listened to his
+proposals of espousing her in private. In consequence of this agreement,
+they made an elopement together; and, being buckled at the Fleet,
+consummated their nuptials in private lodgings, by the Seven Dials,
+from which the husband next morning sent a letter to our hero begging
+forgiveness for the clandestine step he had taken, which he solemnly
+protested was not owing to any abatement in his inviolable regard
+for his master, whom he should always honour and esteem to his latest
+breath, but entirely to the irresistible charms of the young lady,
+to whom he was now so happy as to be joined in the silken bonds of
+marriage.
+
+Peregrine, though at first offended at his valet's presumption, was,
+upon second thoughts, reconciled to the event by which he was delivered
+from an encumbrance; for by this time he had performed his frolic,
+and began to be tired of his acquisition. He reflected upon the former
+fidelity of the Swiss, which had been manifested in a long course of
+service and attachment; and, thinking it would be cruelly severe to
+abandon him to poverty and distress for one venial trespass, he resolved
+to pardon what he had done, and enable him in some shape to provide for
+the family which he had entailed upon himself.
+
+With these sentiments, he sent a favourable answer to the delinquent,
+desiring to see him as soon as his passion should permit him to leave
+the arms of his spouse for an hour or two; and Hadgi, in obedience to
+this intimation, repaired immediately to the lodgings of his master,
+before whom he appeared with a most penitential aspect. Peregrine,
+though he could scarce help laughing at his rueful length of face,
+reprimanded him sharply, for his disrespect and ingratitude in taking
+that by stealth which he might have had for asking. The culprit assured
+him, that next to the vengeance of God, his master's displeasure
+was that which of all evils he dreaded to incur; but that love had
+distracted his brain in such a manner, as to banish every other
+consideration but that of gratifying his desire; and he owned, that he
+should not have been able to preserve his fidelity and duty to his own
+father, had they interfered with the interest of his passion. He then
+appealed to his master's own heart for the remission of his guilt,
+alluding to certain circumstances of our hero's conduct, which evinced
+the desperate effects of love. In short, he made such an apology as
+extorted a smile from his offended judge, who not only forgave his
+transgression, but also promised to put him in some fair way of earning
+a comfortable subsistence.
+
+The Swiss was so much affected with this instance of generosity, that he
+fell upon his knees, and kissed his hand, praying to heaven, with great
+fervour, to make him worthy of such goodness and condescension.
+His scheme, he said, was to open a coffee-house and tavern in some
+creditable part of the town, in hopes of being favoured with the
+custom of a numerous acquaintance he had made among upper servants and
+reputable tradesmen, not doubting that his wife would be an ornament to
+his bar, and a careful manager of his affairs. Peregrine approved of the
+plan, towards the execution of which he made him and his wife a present
+of five hundred pounds, together with a promise of erecting a weekly
+club among his friends, for the reputation and advantage of the house.
+
+Hadgi was so transported with his good fortune, that he ran to Pipes,
+who was in the room, and having hugged him with great cordiality,
+and made his obeisance to his master, hied him home to his bride, to
+communicate his happiness, cutting capers, and talking to himself all
+the way.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXVIII.
+
+
+
+He is visited by Pallet--Contracts an Intimacy with a Newmarket
+Nobleman, and is by the Knowing Ones taken in.
+
+
+This affair being settled, and our adventurer, for the present, free of
+all female connections, he returned to his former course of fast living
+among the bucks of the town, and performed innumerable exploits among
+whores, bullies, rooks, constables, and justices of the peace. In
+the midst of these occupations, he was one morning visited by his old
+fellow-traveller, Pallet, whose appearance gave him equal surprise
+and concern. Though the weather was severe, he was clothed in the
+thin summer dress which he had worn at Paris, and was now, not only
+threadbare, but, in some parts, actually patched; his stockings, by
+a repetition of that practice known among economists by the term of
+coaxing, hung like pudding-bags about his ankles; his shirt, though new
+washed, was of the saffron hue, and, in divers places, appeared through
+the crannies of his breeches; he had exchanged his own hair for a
+smoke-dried tie-periwig, which all the flour in his dredging-box had
+not been able to whiten; his eyes were sunk, his jaws lengthened beyond
+their usual extension; and he seemed twenty years older than he
+looked when he and our hero parted at Rotterdam. In spite of all these
+evidences of decay, he accosted him with a meagre affectation of content
+and good-humour, struggled piteously to appear gay and unconcerned,
+professed his joy at seeing him in England, excused himself for having
+delayed so long to come and present his respects; alleging that, since
+his return, he had been a mere slave to the satisfaction of some persons
+of quality and taste, who had insisted upon his finishing some pieces
+with the utmost expedition.
+
+Peregrine received him with that compassion and complaisance which was
+natural to his disposition; inquired about the health of Mrs. Pallet
+and his family, and asked if his friend, the doctor, was in town. The
+painter seemed to have resumed his resentment against that gentleman, of
+whom he spoke in contemptuous terms. "The doctor," said he, "is so much
+overshadowed with presumption and self-conceit, that his merit has no
+relief. It does not rise. There is no keeping in the picture, my dear
+sir. All the same as if I were to represent the moon under a cloud;
+there will be nothing but a deep mass of shade, with a little tiny speck
+of light in the middle, which would only serve to make, as it were, the
+darkness visible. You understand me. Had he taken my advice, it might
+have been better for him; but he is bigoted to his own opinion. You
+must know, Mr. Pickle, upon our return to England, I counselled him to
+compose a little smart, clever ode upon my Cleopatra. As Gad shall judge
+me, I thought it would have been of some service, in helping him out of
+obscurity; for you know, as Sir Richard observes,
+
+     "Soon will that die, which adds thy fame to mine;
+     Let me then live, join'd to a work of thine."
+
+"By the bye, there is a most picturesque contrast in these lines, of thy
+and me, living and dying, and thine and mine. Ah! a prize upon it! Dick,
+after all, was the man. Ecod! he rounded it off. But, to return to this
+unhappy young man, would you believe it, he tossed up his nose at my
+friendly proposal, and gabbled something in Greek, which is not worth
+repeating. The case was this, my dear sir, he was out of humour at the
+neglect of the world. He thought the poets of the age were jealous
+of his genius, and strove to crush it accordingly, while the rest
+of mankind wanted taste sufficient to discern it. For my own part, I
+profess myself one of these; and, as the clown in Billy Shakespeare says
+of the courtier's oath, had I sworn by the doctor's genius, that the
+pancakes were naught, they might have been for all that very good, yet
+shouldn't I have been forsworn. Let that be as it will, he retired from
+town in great dudgeon, and set up his rest near a hill in Derbyshire,
+with two tops, resembling Parnassus, and a well at the bottom, which he
+had christened Hyp-o'-the-Green. Egad! if he stays in that habitation,
+'tis my opinion he'll soon grow green with the hip indeed. He'll be glad
+of an opportunity to return to the fleshpots of Egypt, and pay his court
+to the slighted Queen Cleopatra. Ha! well remembered, by this light!
+you shall know, my good sir, that this same Egyptian princess has been
+courted by so many gallants of taste, that, as I hope to live, I found
+myself in some sort of dilemma, because in parting with her to one, I
+should have disobliged all his rivals. Now a man would not choose to
+give offence to his friends, at least I lay it down as a maxim to avoid
+the smallest appearance of ingratitude. Perhaps I may be in the wrong.
+But every man has his way. For this reason, I proposed to all the
+candidates, that a lottery or raffle should be set on foot, by which
+every individual would have an equal chance for her good graces, and
+the prize be left to the decision of fortune. The scheme was mightily
+relished, and the terms being such a trifle as half a guinea, the whole
+town crowded into my house, in order to subscribe. But there I was their
+humble servant. 'Gentlemen, you must have a little patience till my
+own particular friends are served.' Among that number, I do myself the
+honour to consider Mr. Pickle. Here is a copy of the proposals; and, if
+the list should be adorned with his name, I hope, notwithstanding his
+merited success among the young ladies, he will for once be shunned by
+that little vixen called Miss Fortune! he, he, he!"
+
+So saying, he bowed with a thousand apish congees, and presented his
+paper to Peregrine, who, seeing the number of subscribers was limited to
+one hundred, said he thought him too moderate in his expectations, as
+he did not doubt that his picture would be a cheap purchase at five
+hundred, instead of fifty pounds, at which the price was fixed. To this
+unexpected remark Pallet answered, that among the connoisseurs he would
+not pretend to appraise his picture; but that, in valuing his works, he
+was obliged to have an eye to the Gothic ignorance of the age in which
+he lived. Our adventurer saw at once into the nature of this raffle,
+which was no other than a begging shift to dispose of a paltry piece,
+that he could not otherwise have sold for twenty shillings. However, far
+from shocking the poor man in distress, by dropping the least hint
+of his conjecture, he desired to be favoured with six chances, if the
+circumstances of his plan would indulge him so far; and the painter,
+after some hesitation, condescended to comply with his request, out of
+pure friendship and veneration; though he observed, that, in so doing,
+he must exclude some of his most intimate companions. Having received
+the money he gave Pickle his address, desiring he would, with his
+convenience, visit the princess, who, he was sure, would display her
+most engaging attractions, in order to captivate his fancy; and took his
+leave extremely well pleased with the success of his application.
+
+Though Peregrine was tempted with the curiosity of seeing this portrait,
+which he imagined must contain some analogy to the ridiculous oddity of
+the painter, he would not expose himself to the disagreeable alternative
+of applauding the performance, contrary to the dictates of conscience
+and common sense, or of condemning it, to the unspeakable mortification
+of the miserable author; and therefore never dreamt of returning the
+painter's visit. Nor did he ever hear of the lottery's being drawn.
+About this time he was invited to spend a few weeks at the country seat
+of a certain nobleman, with whom he had contracted an acquaintance,
+in the course of his debauches, which we have already described. His
+lordship being remarkable for his skill and success in horse-racing, his
+house was continually filled with the connoisseurs and admirers of that
+sport, upon which the whole conversation turned, insomuch that Peregrine
+gradually imbibed some knowledge in horse-flesh, and the diversions of
+the course; for the whole occupation of the day, exclusive of eating and
+drinking, consisted in viewing, managing, and exercising his lordship's
+stud.
+
+Our hero looked upon these amusements with an eye of taste as well as
+curiosity; he contemplated the animal as a beautiful and elegant part of
+the creation, and relished the surprising exertion of its speed with
+a refined and classical delight. In a little time he became personally
+acquainted with every horse in the stable, and interested himself in the
+reputation of each; while he also gratified his appetite for knowledge,
+in observing the methods of preparing their bodies, and training them to
+the race. His lordship saw and encouraged his eagerness, from which he
+promised himself some advantage; he formed several private matches for
+his entertainment, and flattered his discernment, by permitting him to
+be successful in the first bets he made. Thus was he artfully decoyed
+into a spirit of keenness and adventure, and disposed to depend upon his
+own judgment, in opposition to that of people who had made horse-racing
+the sole study of their lives. He accompanied my lord to Newmarket, and,
+entering at once into the genius of the place, was marked as fair game,
+by all the knowing ones there assembled, many of whom found means
+to take him in, in spite of all the cautions and admonitions of his
+lordship, who wanted to reserve him for his own use.
+
+It is almost impossible for any man, let him be never so fearful or
+phlegmatic, to be an unconcerned spectator in this busy scene. The demon
+of play hovers in the air, like a pestilential vapour, tainting the
+minds of all present with infallible infection, which communicates
+from one person to another, like the circulation of a general panic.
+Peregrine was seized with this epidemic distemper to a violent degree;
+and, after having lost a few loose hundreds, in his progress through the
+various rookeries of the place, entered into partnership with his noble
+friend in a grand match, upon the issue of which he ventured no less
+than three thousand pounds. Indeed he would not have risked such a
+considerable sum, had not his own confidence been reinforced by the
+opinion and concurrence of his lordship, who hazarded an equal bet upon
+the same event. These two associates engaged themselves in the penalty
+of six thousand pounds, to run one chaise and four against another,
+three times round the course; and our adventurer had the satisfaction of
+seeing his antagonist distanced in the first and second heat; but, all
+of a sudden, one of the horses of his machine was knocked up, by which
+accident the victory was ravished almost from his very grasp, and he was
+obliged to endure the damage and the scorn.
+
+He was deeply affected with this misfortune, which he imputed to his
+own extravagance and temerity; but discovered no external signs of
+affliction, because his illustrious partner bore his loss with the most
+philosophic resignation, consoling himself, as well as Pickle, with the
+hope of making it up on some other occasion. Nevertheless, our young
+gentleman could not help admiring, and even envying his equanimity, not
+knowing that his lordship had managed matters so as to be a gainer by
+the misfortune; which to retrieve, Peregrine purchased several horses,
+at the recommendation of his friend; and, instead of returning to
+London, made a tour with him to all the celebrated races in England, at
+which, after several vicissitudes of fortune, he made shift, before the
+end of the season, to treble his loss.
+
+But his hopes seemed to increase with his ill-luck. In the beginning of
+winter he came to town, fully persuaded that fortune must necessarily
+change, and that next season he should reap the happy fruits of his
+experience. In this confidence, he seemed to drown all ideas of prudence
+and economy. His former expense was mere parsimony, compared with that
+which he now incurred. He subscribed to the opera, and half a dozen
+concerts at different parts of the town; was a benefactor to several
+hospitals; purchased a collection of valuable pictures; took a house,
+and furnished it in a most magnificent taste, laid in a large stock
+of French wines, and gave extravagant entertainments to his quality
+friends, who, in return, loaded him with compliments, and insisted upon
+his making use of their interest and goodwill.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER LXXXIX.
+
+
+
+He is taken into the Protection of a great Man--Sets up for a Member
+of Parliament--Is disappointed in his Expectation, and finds himself
+egregiously outwitted.
+
+
+Among these professed patrons, the greatest part of whom Peregrine
+saw through, there was one great personage, who seemed to support with
+dignity the sphere in which fortune had placed him. His behaviour to
+Pickle was not a series of grinning complaisance in a flat repetition of
+general expressions of friendship and regard. He demeaned himself with
+a seemingly honest reserve, in point of profession; his advances to
+Peregrine appeared to be the result of deliberation and experiment; he
+chid the young gentleman for his extravagance, with the authority of
+a parent, and the sincerity of a fast friend; and having, by gradual
+inquiries, made himself acquainted with the state of his private
+affairs, condemned his conduct with an air of candour and concern.
+He represented to him the folly and dangerous consequences of the
+profligate life in which he had plunged himself, counselled him
+with great warmth to sell off his race-horses, which would otherwise
+insensibly eat him up; to retrench all superfluous expense, which would
+only serve to expose him to the ridicule and ingratitude of those who
+were benefited by it; to lay out his money upon secure mortgages, at
+good interest; and carry into execution his former design of standing
+candidate for a borough, at the ensuing election for a new parliament;
+in which case this nobleman promised to assist him with his influence
+and advice; assuring him, that, if he could once procure a seat in the
+house, he might look upon his fortune as already made.
+
+Our adventurer perceiving the wisdom and sanity of this advice, for
+which he made his acknowledgments to his generous monitor, protested
+that he would adhere to it in every particular, and immediately set
+about a reformation. He accordingly took cognizance of his most minute
+affairs, and, after an exact scrutiny, gave his patron to understand,
+that, exclusive of his furniture, his fortune was reduced to fourteen
+thousand three hundred and thirty pounds, in Bank and South-sea
+annuities, over and above the garrison and its appendages, which he
+reckoned at sixty pounds a year. He therefore desired, that, as his
+lordship had been so kind as to favour him with his friendship and
+advice, he would extend his generosity still farther, by putting him in
+a way of making the most advantage of his money. My lord said, that,
+for his own part, he did not choose to meddle in money matters; that
+Mr. Pickle would find abundance of people ready to borrow it upon land
+security; but that he ought to be extremely cautious in a transaction of
+such consequence; promising, at the same time, to employ his own steward
+in seeking out a mortgager to whom it might be safely lent.
+
+This agent was accordingly set at work, and for a few days made a
+fruitless inquiry; so that the young gentleman was obliged to have
+recourse to his own intelligence, by which he got notice of several
+people of reputed credit, who offered him mortgages for the whole sum;
+but when he made a report of the particulars to his noble friend, his
+lordship started such doubts and objections relating to each, that he
+was deterred from entering into any engagements with the proposers;
+congratulating himself, in the meantime, on his good fortune, in being
+favoured with the advice and direction of such a sage counsellor.
+Nevertheless, he began to be impatient, after having unsuccessfully
+consulted all the money brokers and conveyancers about town, and
+resolved to try the expedient of a public advertisement. But he was
+persuaded by my lord to postpone that experiment, until every other
+method should have failed, because it would attract the attention of
+all the pettifoggers in London, who, though they might not be able to
+overreach, would infallibly harass and tease him out of all tranquility.
+
+It was on the back of this conversation that Peregrine, chancing to meet
+the steward near his lord's house, stopped him in the street, to give
+him an account of his bad luck; at which the other expressed some
+concern, and rubbing his chin with his hand, in a musing posture, told
+Pickle, there was a thought just come into his head, pointing out one
+way of doing his business effectually. The youth, upon this intimation,
+begged he would accompany him to the next coffee-house, in which having
+chosen a private situation, this grave manager gave him to understand,
+that a part of my lord's estate was mortgaged, in consequence of a debt
+contracted by his grandfather, for provision to the younger children of
+the family; and that the equity of redemption would be foreclosed in a
+few months, unless the burden could be discharged. "My lord," said he,
+"has always lived in a splendid manner, and, notwithstanding his ample
+fortune, together with the profits accruing from the posts he enjoys,
+he saves so little money, that, upon this occasion, I know he will
+be obliged to borrow ten thousand pounds to make up the sum that is
+requisite to redeem the mortgage. Now, certain I am, that, when his
+design comes to be known, he will be solicited on all hands by people
+desirous of lending money upon such undoubted security; and 'tis
+odds but he has already promised the preference to some particular
+acquaintance. However, as I know he has your interest very much at
+heart, I will, if you please, sound his lordship upon the subject, and
+in a day or two give you notice of my success."
+
+Peregrine, ravished with the prospect of settling this affair so much
+to his satisfaction, thanked the steward for his friendly hint and
+undertaking, which he assured him should be acknowledged by a more solid
+proof of his gratitude, provided the business could be brought to bear;
+and next day he was visited by this kind manager, with the happy news
+of his lordship's having consented to borrow ten thousand pounds of his
+stock upon mortgage, at the interest of five per cent. This information
+he received as an instance of the singular esteem of his noble patron;
+and the papers being immediately drawn and executed, the money was
+deposited in the hands of the mortgager, who, in the hearing of the
+lender, laid strong injunctions on his steward to pay the interest
+punctually at quarter-day.
+
+The best part of our hero's fortune being thus happily deposited, and
+the agent gratified with a present of fifty pieces, he began to put his
+retrenching scheme in execution; all his servants, Pipes excepted, were
+discharged, his chariot and running horses disposed of, his housekeeping
+broken up, and his furniture sold by auction: nay, the heat of his
+disposition was as remarkable in this as any other transaction in
+his life; for every step of his saving project was taken with such
+eagerness, and even precipitation, that most of his companions thought
+he was either ruined or mad. But he answered all their expostulations
+with a string of prudent apophthegms, such as, "The shortest follies
+are the best"; "Better to retrench upon conviction than compulsion";
+and divers other wise maxims, seemingly the result of experience and
+philosophic reflection. To such a degree of enthusiasm did his present
+economy prevail, that he was actually seized with the desire of
+amassing. And as he every day received proposals from those brokers whom
+he had employed, about the disposal of his cash, he at length ventured
+fifteen hundred pounds upon bottomry, being tempted by the excessive
+premium.
+
+But it must be observed, for the honour of our adventurer, that this
+reformation did not at all interfere with the good qualities of his
+heart. He was still as friendly and benevolent as ever, though his
+liberality was more subject to the restraint of reason; and he
+might have justly pleaded, in vindication of his generosity, that he
+retrenched the superfluities in his own way of living, in order to
+preserve the power of assisting his fellow-creatures in distress.
+Numberless were the objects to which he extended his charity in private.
+Indeed, he exerted this virtue in secret, not only on account of
+avoiding the charge of ostentation, but also because he was ashamed
+of being detected in such an awkward unfashionable practice, by the
+censorious observers of this humane generation. In this particular, he
+seemed to confound the ideas of virtue and vice; for he did good, as
+other people do evil, by stealth; and was so capricious in point of
+behaviour, that frequently, in public, he wagged his tongue in satirical
+animadversions upon that poverty which his hand had in private
+relieved. Yet, far from shunning the acquaintance, or discouraging the
+solicitation of those who, he thought, wanted his assistance, he
+was always accessible, open, and complaisant to them, even when the
+haughtiness of his temper kept his superiors at a distance; and often
+saved a modest man the anguish and confusion of declaring himself, by
+penetrating into his necessity, and anticipating his request, in a
+frank offer of his purse and friendship. Not that he practised this
+beneficence to all the needy of his acquaintance without distinction;
+there is always a set of idle profligate fellows, who, having squandered
+away their own fortunes, and conquered all sense of honour and shame,
+maintain themselves by borrowing from those who have not yet finished
+the same career, and want resolution to resist their importunate
+demands. To these he was always inflexible; though he could not
+absolutely detach himself from their company, because, by dint of
+effrontery, and such of their original connections as they have been
+able to retain, they find admission to all places of fashionable resort.
+
+Several unsuccessful attacks had been made upon his pocket by beggars of
+this class. One of the most artful of them, having one day joined him
+in the Mall, and made the usual observation on the weather, d--d all
+the fogs of London, and began a dissertation on the difference of air,
+preferring that of the country in which he was born to any climate under
+the sun. "Were you ever in Gloucestershire?" said he to Peregrine; who
+replying in the negative, he thus went on: "I have got a house there,
+where I should be glad to see you. Let us go down together during the
+Easter holidays; I can promise you good country fare and wholesome
+exercise; for I have everything within myself, and as good a pack of
+fox-hounds as any in the three kingdoms. I shan't pretend to expatiate
+upon the elegance of the house, which to be sure is an old building; and
+these, you know, are generally cold, and not very convenient. But, curse
+the house! the dirty acres about it are the thing; and d--d fine parcel
+they are to be sure. If my old grandmother was dead--she can't live
+another season, for she's turned of fourscore, and quite worn out: nay,
+as for that matter, I believe I have got a letter in my pocket, giving
+an account of her being despaired of by the doctors. Let me see--No, d--
+it! I left it at home, in the pocket of another coat."
+
+Pickle, who, from the beginning of this harangue, saw its tendency,
+seemed to yield the most serious attention to what he said: breaking in
+upon it, every now and then, with the interjections, hum! ha! the deuce!
+and several civil questions, from which the other conceived happy omens
+of success; till perceiving they had advanced as far as the passage into
+St. James's, the mischievous youth interrupted him all at once, saying,
+"I see you are for the end of the walk; this is my way." With these
+words he took leave of the saunterer, who would have delayed his
+retreat, by calling to him aloud, that he had not yet described the
+situation of his castle. But Peregrine, without stopping, answered
+in the same tone, "Another time will do as well"; and in a moment
+disappeared, leaving the projector very much mortified with his
+disappointment; for his intention was to close the description with a
+demand of twenty pieces, to be repaid out of the first remittance he
+should receive from his estate.
+
+It would have been well for our hero, had he always acted with the same
+circumspection. But he had his unguarded moments, in which he fell a
+prey to the unsuspecting integrity of his own heart. There was a
+person among the number of his acquaintances, whose conversation he
+particularly relished, because it was frank, agreeable, and fraught with
+many sensible observations upon the craft and treachery of mankind. This
+gentleman had made shift to discuss a very genteel fortune, though
+it was spent with taste and reputation, and now he was reduced to his
+shifts for the maintenance of his family, which consisted of a wife
+and child. Not that he was destitute of the necessaries of life, being
+comfortably supplied by the bounty of his friends; but this was a
+provision not at all suited to his inclination; and he had endeavoured,
+by divers unsuccessful schemes, to retrieve his former independency.
+
+Peregrine happened one evening to be sitting alone in a coffee-house,
+where he overheard a conversation between this schemer and another
+gentleman, touching an affair that engaged his attention. The stranger
+had been left trustee for fifteen hundred pounds bequeathed to the
+other's daughter by an aunt, and was strongly solicited to pay the money
+to the child's father, who assured him, he had then an opportunity to
+lay it out in such a manner as would greatly conduce to the advantage of
+his family. The trustee reminded him of the nature of his charge, which
+made him accountable for the money until the child should have attained
+the age of eighteen; but at the same time gave him to understand,
+that, if he could procure such security as would indemnify him from the
+consequences, he would forthwith pay the legacy into his hands. To this
+proposal the father replied that it was not to be supposed he would
+risk the fortune of his only child upon any idle scheme or precarious
+issue; and therefore he thought it reasonable, that he should have the
+use of it in the meantime; and that, as to security, he was loth to
+trouble any of his friends about an affair which might be compromised
+without their interposition; observing, that he would not look upon his
+condescension as a favour, if obtained by security, on which he could
+borrow the same sum from any usurer in town.
+
+After much importunity on one side, and evasion on the other, the
+moneyed gentleman told him, that, though he would not surrender the sum
+deposited in his hands for the use of his daughter, he would lend him
+what he should have occasion for in the meantime; and if, upon her being
+of age, he should be able to obtain her concurrence, the money should be
+placed to her account, provided he could find any person of credit, who
+would join with him in a bond, for the assurance of the lender. This
+proviso was an obstruction which the other would not have been able to
+surmount, without great difficulty, had not his cause been espoused by
+our hero, who thought it was a pity a man of honour and understanding
+should suffer in his principal concerns on such a paltry consideration.
+He therefore, presuming on his acquaintance, interposed in the
+conversation as a friend, who interested himself in the affair; and,
+being fully informed of the particulars, offered himself as a security
+for the lender. This gentleman being a stranger to Peregrine, was
+next day made acquainted with his funds; and, without further scruple,
+accommodated his friend with one thousand pounds, for which he took
+their bond payable in six months, though he protested that the money
+should never be demanded, until the infant should be of age, unless some
+accident should happen which he could not then foresee. Pickle
+believed this declaration sincere, because he could have no interest in
+dissembling; but what he chiefly depended upon, for his own security,
+was the integrity and confidence of the borrower, who assured him,
+that happen what would, he should be able to stand between him and all
+danger; the nature of his plan being such as would infallibly treble the
+sum in a very few months.
+
+In a little time after this transaction, writs being issued out for
+electing a new parliament, our adventurer, by the advice of his patron,
+went into the country, in order to canvass for a borough, and lined his
+pockets with a competent share of banknotes for the occasion. But in
+this project he unfortunately happened to interfere with the interest of
+a great family in the opposition, who, for a long series of years,
+had made members for that place; and were now so much offended at the
+intrusion of our young gentleman, that they threatened to spend ten
+thousand pounds in frustrating his design. This menace was no other than
+an incitement to Peregrine, who confided so much in his own influence
+and address, that he verily believed he should be able to baffle
+his grace, even in his own territories. By that victory he hoped to
+establish his reputation and interest with the minister, who, through
+the recommendation of his noble friend, countenanced his cause, and
+would have been very well pleased to see one of his great enemies suffer
+such a disgraceful overthrow, which would have, moreover, in a great
+measure, shaken his credit with his faction.
+
+Our hero, intoxicated with the ideas of pride and ambition, put all
+his talents to the test, in the execution of this project. He spared no
+expense in treating the electors; but, finding himself rivalled in this
+respect by his competitor, who was powerfully supported, he had recourse
+to those qualifications in which he thought himself superior. He made
+balls for the ladies, visited the matrons of the corporation, adapted
+himself to their various humours with surprising facility, drank with
+those who loved a cherishing cup in private, made love to the amorous,
+prayed with the religious, gossiped with those who delighted in scandal,
+and with great sagacity contrived agreeable presents to them all. This
+was the most effectual method of engaging such electors as were under
+the influence of their wives. As for the rest, he assailed them in
+their own way, setting whole hogsheads of beer and wine abroach, for the
+benefit of comers; and into those sordid hearts that liquor would not
+open, he found means to convey himself by the help of a golden key.
+
+While he thus exerted himself, his antagonist was not idle: his age and
+infirmities would not permit him to enter personally into their parties;
+but his stewards and adherents bestirred themselves with great industry
+and perseverance. The market for votes ran so high, that Pickle's ready
+money was exhausted before the day of election, and he was obliged to
+write to his patron an account of the dilemma to which he was reduced,
+entreating him to take such speedy measures as would enable him to
+finish the business which he had so happily begun. This nobleman
+communicated the circumstances of the case to the minister, and in a
+day or two our candidate found credit with the receiver-general of the
+county, who lent him twelve hundred pounds on his personal note,
+payable on demand. By means of this new supply he managed matters so
+successfully, that an evident majority of votes was secured in his
+interest, and nothing could have obstructed his election, had not the
+noble peer who set up his competitor, in order to avoid the shame and
+mortification of being foiled in his own borough, offered to compromise
+the affair with his honour, by giving up two members in another place,
+provided the opposition should cease in his own corporation. This
+proposal was greedily embraced. On the eve of the election, Peregrine
+received an intimation from his patron, desiring him to quit his
+pretensions, on pain of his and the minister's displeasure, and
+promising that he should be elected for another place.
+
+No other disappointment in life could have given him such chagrin as
+he felt at the receipt of this tantalizing order, by which the cup of
+success was snatched from his lip, and all the vanity of his ambitious
+hope humbled in the dust. He cursed the whole chain of his court
+connections, inveighed with great animosity against the rascally scheme
+of politics to which he was sacrificed, and, in conclusion, swore he
+would not give up the fruits of his own address for the pleasure of any
+minister upon earth. This laudable resolution, however, was rendered
+ineffectual by his friend the receiver-general, who was bearer of
+the message, and, after having in vain endeavoured to persuade him
+to submission, fairly arrested him upon the spot for the money he had
+advanced; this expedient being performed by virtue of a writ which
+he had been advised to take out, in case the young man should prove
+refractory.
+
+The reader, who by this time must be pretty well acquainted with the
+disposition of our hero, may easily conceive how he relished this
+adventure. At first, all the faculties of his soul were swallowed up in
+astonishment and indignation; and some minutes elapsed before his nerves
+would obey the impulse of his rage, which manifested itself in such an
+application to the temples of the plaintiff, as laid him sprawling on
+the floor. This assault, which was committed in a tavern, whither he
+had been purposely decoyed, attracted the regard of the bailiff and his
+followers, who, to the number of four, rushed upon him at once, in
+order to overpower him; but his wrath inspired him with such additional
+strength and agility, that he disengaged himself from them in a trice,
+and, seizing a poker, which was the first weapon that presented itself
+to his hand, exercised it upon their skulls with incredible dexterity
+and execution. The officer himself, who had been the first that presumed
+to lay violent hands upon him, felt the first effects of his fury in a
+blow upon the jaws, in consequence of which he lost three of his teeth,
+and fell athwart the body of the receiver, with which he formed the
+figure of a St. Andrew's cross. One of his myrmidons, seeing the fate
+of his chief, would not venture to attack the victor in front, but,
+wheeling to one side, made an attempt upon him in flank, and was
+received obliquely by our hero's left hand and foot, so masterly
+disposed to the right side of his leg, and the left side of his neck,
+that he bolted head foremost into the chimney, where his chin was
+encountered by the grate, which in a moment seared him to the bone. The
+rest of the detachment did not think proper to maintain the dispute,
+but, evacuating the room with great expedition, locked the door on the
+outside, and bellowed aloud to the receiver's servants, beseeching them
+to come to the assistance of their master, who was in danger of his
+life.
+
+Meanwhile, this gentleman having recollected himself, demanded a parley;
+which having with difficulty obtained of our incensed candidate, in
+consequence of the most submissive application, he complained grievously
+of the young gentleman's intemperance and heat of disposition, and very
+calmly represented the danger of his rashness and indiscretion. He told
+him, that nothing could be more outrageous or idle, than the resistance
+he had made against the laws of his country, because he would find it
+impracticable to withstand the whole executive power of the country,
+which he could easily raise to apprehend and secure him; that, over and
+above the disgrace that would accrue to him from this imprudent conduct,
+he would knock his own interest on the head, by disobliging his friends
+in the administration, who were, to his knowledge, at present very well
+disposed to do him service; that, for his own part, what he had done
+was by the express order of his superiors, and not out of any desire of
+distressing him; and that, far from being his enemy, notwithstanding
+the shocking insult he had sustained, he was ready to withdraw the writ,
+provided he would listen to any reasonable terms of accommodation.
+
+Peregrine, who was not more prone to anger than open to conviction,
+being appeased by his condescension, moved by his arguments, and chid
+by his own reflection for what he had done in the precipitation of his
+wrath, began to give ear to his remonstrances; and the bailiffs being
+ordered to withdraw, they entered into a conference, the result of which
+was our adventurer's immediate departure for London; so that next day
+his competitor was unanimously chosen, because nobody appeared to oppose
+his election. The discontented Pickle, on his arrival in town, went
+directly to the house of his patron, to whom, in the anguish of his
+disappointment, he bitterly complained of the treatment he had received,
+by which, besides the disgrace of his overthrow, he was no less than two
+thousand pounds out of pocket, exclusive of the debt for which he
+stood engaged to the receiver. His lordship, who was prepared for this
+expostulation, on his knowledge of the young man's impetuous temper,
+answered all the articles of his charge with great deliberation, giving
+him to understand the motives that induced the minister to quit his
+interest in that borough; and soothing him with assurances that his
+loss would be amply rewarded by his honour, to whom he was next day
+introduced by this nobleman, in the warmest style of recommendation. The
+minister, who was a pattern of complaisance, received him with the
+most engaging affability; thanked him very kindly for his endeavours
+to support and strengthen the interest of the administration; and
+faithfully promised to lay hold on the first opportunity to express the
+sense he had of his zeal and attachment; desiring to see him often at
+his levee, that, in the multiplicity of business, he might not be in
+danger of forgetting his services and desert.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XC.
+
+
+
+Peregrine commences Minister's Dependant--Meets by Accident with Mrs.
+Gauntlet--And descends gradually in the Condition of Life.
+
+
+This reception, favourable as it was, did not please Peregrine, who had
+too much discernment to be cajoled with general promises, at a time
+when he thought himself entitled to the most particular assurance. He
+accordingly signified his disgust to his introductor, giving him
+to understand, that he had laid his account with being chosen
+representative of one of those boroughs for which he had been
+sacrificed. His lordship agreed to the reasonableness of his
+expectation, observing, however, that he could not suppose the minister
+would enter upon business with him on his first visit; and that it
+would be time enough at his next audience to communicate his demand.
+Notwithstanding this remonstrance, our hero continued to indulge his
+suspicion and chagrin, and even made a point of it with his patron, that
+his lordship should next day make application on his behalf, lest the
+two seats should be filled up, on pretence of his inclinations being
+unknown. Thus importuned, my lord went to his principal, and returned
+with an answer, importing that his honour was extremely sorry that Mr.
+Pickle had not signified his request before the boroughs in question
+were promised to two gentlemen whom he could not now disappoint, with
+any regard to his own credit or interest; but, as several persons who
+would be chosen were, to his certain knowledge, very aged and infirm, he
+did not doubt that there would be plenty of vacant seats in a very short
+time, and then, the young gentleman might depend upon his friendship.
+
+Peregrine was so much irritated at this intimation, that, in the first
+transports of his anger he forgot the respect he owed his friend, and
+in his presence inveighed against the minister, as a person devoid of
+gratitude and candour, protesting, that if ever an opportunity should
+offer itself, he would spend the whole remains of his fortune in
+opposing his measures. The nobleman having given him time to exhaust
+the impetuosity of his passion, rebuked him very calmly for his
+disrespectful expressions, which were equally injurious and indiscreet;
+assured him that this project of revenge, if ever put in execution,
+would redound to his own prejudice and confusion; and advised him to
+cultivate and improve, with patience and assiduity, the footing he had
+already obtained in the minister's good graces.
+
+Our hero, convinced of the truth, though not satisfied with the occasion
+of his admonitions, took his leave in a fit of sullen discontent, and
+began to ruminate upon the shattered posture of his affairs. All that
+now remained of the ample fortune he had inherited was the sum he had
+deposited in his lordship's hands, together with fifteen hundred pounds
+he had ventured on bottomry, and the garrison, which he had left for the
+use and accommodation of the lieutenant; and, on the per contra side
+of his account, he was debtor for the supply he had received from the
+receiver-general, and the money for which he was bound in behalf of his
+friend; so that he found himself, for the first time of his life, very
+much embarrassed in his circumstances. For, of the first half-year's
+interest of his ten thousand, which was punctually paid, he had but
+fourscore pounds in bank, without any prospect of a farther supply
+till the other term, which was at the distance of four long months. He
+seriously reflected upon the uncertainty of human affairs: the ship with
+his fifteen hundred pounds might be lost; the gentleman for whom he was
+security might miscarry in this, as well as in his former projects, and
+the minister might one day, through policy or displeasure, expose him to
+the mercy of his dependant, who was in possession of his notes.
+
+These suggestions did not at all contribute to the ease of our
+adventurer's mind, already ruffled by his disappointment. He cursed
+his own folly and extravagance, by which he was reduced to such an
+uncomfortable situation. He compared his own conduct with that of some
+young gentlemen of his acquaintance, who, while he was squandering
+away the best part of his inheritance, had improved their fortunes,
+strengthened their interest, and increased their reputation. He was
+abandoned by his gaiety and good-humour, his countenance gradually
+contracted itself into a representation of severity and care, he dropped
+all his amusements and the companions of his pleasure, and turned his
+whole attention to the minister, at whose levees he never failed to
+appear.
+
+While he thus laboured in the wheel of dependence, with all that
+mortification which a youth of his pride and sensibility may be supposed
+to feel from such a disagreeable necessity, he one day heard himself
+called by name, as he crossed the park; and, turning, perceived the wife
+of Captain Gauntlet, with another lady. He no sooner recognized the kind
+Sophy, than he accosted her with his wonted civility and friendship;
+but his former sprightly air was metamorphosed into such austerity, or
+rather dejection of feature, that she could scarce believe her own eyes,
+and, in her astonishment, "Is it possible," said she, "that the gay Mr.
+Pickle should be so much altered in such a short space of time!" He made
+no other reply to this exclamation, but by a languid smile; and asked
+how long she had been in town; observing, that he would have paid his
+compliments to her at her own lodgings, had he been favoured with
+the least intimation of her arrival. After having thanked him for his
+politeness, she told him, it was not owing to any abatement of her
+friendship and esteem for him, that she had omitted to give him that
+notice; but his abrupt departure from Windsor, and the manner in which
+he quitted Mr. Gauntlet, had given her just grounds to believe that they
+had incurred his displeasure; which suspicion was reinforced by his long
+silence and neglect from that period to the present time. She observed
+it was still farther confirmed, by his forbearing to inquire for Emilia
+and her brother: "judge, then," said she, "if I had any reason to
+believe that you would be pleased to hear that I was in town. However,
+I will not detain you at present, because you seem to be engaged about
+some particular business; but, if you will favour me with your company
+at breakfast to-morrow, I shall be much pleased, and honoured to boot,
+by the visit." So saying, she gave him a direction to her lodgings;
+and he took his leave, with a faithful promise of seeing her at the
+appointed time.
+
+He was very much affected with this advance of Sophy, which he
+considered as an instance of her uncommon sweetness of temper; he
+felt strange longings of returning friendship towards Godfrey; and the
+remembrance of Emilia melted his heart, already softened with grief and
+mortification. Next day he did not neglect his engagement, and had the
+pleasure of enjoying a long conversation with this sensible young lady,
+who gave him to understand that her husband was with his regiment; and
+presented to him a fine boy, the first-fruits of their love, whom they
+had christened by the name of Peregrine, in memory of the friendship
+which had subsisted between Godfrey and our youth.
+
+This proof of their regard, notwithstanding the interruption in their
+correspondence, made a deep impression upon the mind of our adventurer,
+who having made the warmest acknowledgments for this undeserved mark
+of respect, took the child in his arms, and almost devoured him with
+kisses, protesting before God, that he should always consider him with
+the tenderness of a parent. This was the highest compliment he could pay
+to the gentle Sophy, who again kindly chid him for his disdainful and
+precipitate retreat, immediately after her marriage; and expressed an
+earnest desire of seeing him and the captain reconciled. He assured her,
+nothing could give him greater satisfaction than such an event, to which
+he would contribute all that lay in his power, though he could not help
+looking upon himself as injured by Captain Gauntlet's behaviour,
+which denoted a suspicion of his honour, as well as contempt for his
+understanding. The lady undertook for the concession of her husband,
+who, she told him, had been extremely sorry for his own heat, after
+Mr. Pickle's departure, and would have followed him to the garrison, in
+order to solicit his forgiveness, had he not been restrained by certain
+punctilios, occasioned by some acrimonious expressions that dropped from
+Peregrine at the inn.
+
+After having cleared up this misunderstanding, she proceeded to give an
+account of Emilia, whose behaviour, at that juncture, plainly indicated
+a continuance of affection for her first lover; and desired, that
+he would give her full powers to bring that matter also to an
+accommodation: "For I am not more certain of my own existence," said
+she, "than that you are still in possession of my sister's heart." At
+this declaration, the tear started in his eye. But he shook his head,
+and declined her good offices, wishing that the young lady might be much
+more happy than ever he should be able to make her.
+
+Mrs. Gauntlet, confounded at these expressions, and moved by the
+desponding manner in which they were delivered, begged to know if
+any new obstacle was raised, by some late change in his sentiments or
+situation. And he, in order to avoid a painful explanation, told
+her, that he had long despaired of being able to vanquish Emilia's
+resentment, and for that reason quitted the pursuit, which he would
+never renew, howsoever his heart might suffer by that resolution; though
+he took Heaven to witness, that his love, esteem, and admiration of her,
+were not in the least impaired. But the true motive of his laying aside
+his design, was the consciousness of his decayed fortune, which, by
+adding to the sensibility of his pride, increased the horror of another
+repulse. She expressed her concern for this determination, both on his
+own account, and in behalf of Emilia, whose happiness, in her opinion,
+depended upon his constancy and affection; and she would have questioned
+him more minutely about the state of his affairs, had not he discouraged
+the inquiry, by seeking to introduce another subject of conversation.
+
+After mutual protestations of friendship and regard, he promised to
+visit her often, during her residence in town; and took his leave in a
+strange perplexity of mind, occasioned by the images of love, intruding
+upon the remonstrances of carking care. He had some time ago forsaken
+those extravagant companions with whom he had rioted in the heyday of
+his fortune, and begun to consort with a graver and more sober species
+of acquaintance. But he now found himself disabled from cultivating
+the society of these also, who were men of ample estates and liberal
+dispositions; in consequence of which, their parties were too expensive
+for the consumptive state of his finances; so that he was obliged to
+descend to another degree, and mingle with a set of old bachelors and
+younger brothers, who subsisted on slender annuities, or what is called
+a bare competency in the public funds. This association was composed of
+second-hand politicians and minor critics, who in the forenoon saunter
+in the Mall, or lounge at shows of pictures, appear in the drawing-room
+once or twice a week, dine at an ordinary, decide disputes in a
+coffee-house, with an air of superior intelligence, frequent the pit
+of the playhouse, and once in a month spend an evening with some noted
+actor, whose remarkable sayings they repeat for the entertainment of
+their ordinary friends.
+
+After all, he found something comfortable enough in the company of
+these gentlemen, who never interested his passions to any violence of
+transport, nor teased him with impertinent curiosity about his private
+affairs. For, though many of them had maintained a very long, close, and
+friendly correspondence with each other, they never dreamt of inquiring
+into particular concerns; and if one of the two who were most intimately
+connected, had been asked how the other made a shift to live, he would
+have answered with great truth, "Really, that is more than I know."
+Notwithstanding this phlegmatic indifference, which is of the true
+English production, they were all inoffensive, good-natured people, who
+loved a joke and a song, delighted in telling a merry story, and prided
+themselves in the art of catering, especially in the articles of fish,
+venison, and wild fowl.
+
+Our young gentleman was not received among them on the footing of a
+common member, who makes interest for his admission; he was courted as a
+person of superior genius and importance, and his compliance looked upon
+as an honour to their society. This their idea of his pre-eminence was
+supported by his conversation, which, while it was more liberal and
+learned than that to which they had been accustomed, was tinctured
+with an assuming air, so agreeably diffused, that, instead of producing
+aversion, it commanded respect. They not only appealed to him, in all
+doubts relating to foreign parts, to which one and all of them were
+strangers, but also consulted his knowledge in history and divinity,
+which were frequently the topics of their debates; and, in poetry of
+all kinds, he decided with such magisterial authority, as even
+weighed against the opinions of the players themselves. The variety of
+characters he had seen and observed, and the high spheres of life in
+which he had so lately moved, furnished him with a thousand entertaining
+anecdotes. When he became a little familiarized to his disappointments,
+so that his natural vivacity began to revive, he flashed among them in
+such a number of bright sallies, as struck them with admiration, and
+constituted himself a classic in wit; insomuch that they began to retail
+his remnants, and even invited some particular friends to come and hear
+him hold forth. One of the players, who had for many years strutted
+about the taverns in the neighbourhood of Covent Garden as the Grand
+Turk of wit and humour, began to find his admirers melt away; and a
+certain petulant physician, who had shone at almost all the port clubs
+in that end of the town, was actually obliged to import his talents into
+the city, where he was now happily taken root.
+
+Nor was this success to be wondered at, if we consider that, over and
+above his natural genius and education, our adventurer still had the
+opportunity of knowing everything which happened among the great, by
+means of his friend Cadwallader, with whom he still maintained his
+former intimacy, though it was now chequered with many occasional tiffs,
+owing to the sarcastic remonstrances of the misanthrope, who disapproved
+of those schemes which miscarried with Peregrine, and now took
+unseasonable methods of valuing himself upon his own foresight. Nay, he
+was between whiles like a raven, croaking presages of more ill-luck from
+the deceit of the minister, the dissimulation of his patron, the folly
+of the projector, for whom he was bound, the uncertainty of the seas,
+and the villainy of those with whom he had entrusted his cash, for
+Crabtree saw and considered everything through a perspective of spleen,
+that always reflected the worst side of human nature. For these reasons
+our young gentleman began to be disgusted, at certain intervals, with
+the character of this old man, whom he now thought a morose cynic, not
+so much incensed against the follies and vices of mankind, as delighted
+with the distress of his fellow-creatures. Thus he put the most
+unfavourable construction on the principles of his friend, because he
+found himself justly fallen under the lash of his animadversion. Thus
+self-accusation very often dissolves the closest friendship. A man,
+conscious of his own indiscretion, is implacably offended at the
+rectitude of his companion's conduct, which he considers as an insult
+upon his failings, never to be forgiven, even though he has not tasted
+the bitterness of reproof, which no sinner can commodiously digest. The
+friendship, therefore, subsisting between Crabtree and Pickle, had of
+late suffered several symptomatic shocks, that seemed to prognosticate
+a total dissolution; a great deal of smart dialogue had passed in their
+private conversations, and the senior began to repent of having placed
+his confidence in such an imprudent, headstrong ungovernable youth.
+
+It was in such paroxysms of displeasure that he prophesied misfortune
+to Peregrine, and even told him one morning, that he had dreamed of the
+shipwreck of the two East Indiamen, on board of which he had hazarded
+his money. But this was no other than a false vision; for in a few
+weeks, one of them arrived at her moorings in the river, and he received
+a thousand in lieu of eight hundred pounds which he had lent upon bond
+to one of the mates. At the same time he was informed, that the other
+ship, in which he was concerned, had, in all probability, lost her
+passage for the season, by being unable to weather the Cape. He was
+not at all concerned at that piece of news, knowing, that the longer he
+should be out of his money, he would have the more interest to receive;
+and, finding his present difficulties removed by this supply, his heart
+began to dilate, and his countenance to resume its former alacrity. This
+state of exultation, however, was soon interrupted by a small accident,
+which he could not foresee. He was visited one morning by the person
+who had lent his friend a thousand pounds on his security, and given
+to understand, that the borrower had absconded, in consequence of a
+disappointment, by which he had lost the whole sum and all hopes of
+retrieving it; so that our hero was now liable for the debt, which he
+besought him to discharge according to the bond, that he, the lender,
+might not suffer by his humanity. It may be easily conceived that
+Peregrine did not receive this intelligence in cold blood. He cursed his
+own imprudence in contracting such engagements with an adventurer, whom
+he did not sufficiently know. He exclaimed against the treachery of the
+projector; and having for some time indulged his resentment in threats
+and imprecations, inquired into the nature of the scheme which had
+miscarried.
+
+The lender, who had informed himself of the whole affair, gratified his
+curiosity in this particular, by telling him that the fugitive had been
+cajoled by a certain knight of the post, who undertook to manage the
+thousand pounds in such a manner as would, in a very little time, make
+him perfectly independent; and thus he delineated the plan: "One half
+of the sum," said he, "shall be laid out in jewels, which I will pawn to
+certain persons of credit and fortune, who lend money upon such pledges
+at an exorbitant interest. The other shall be kept for relieving
+them, so that they may be again deposited with a second set of those
+honourable usurers; and when they shall have been circulated in this
+manner through a variety of hands, we will extort money from each of the
+pawnbrokers, by threatening them with a public prosecution, for exacting
+illegal interest; and I know that they will bleed freely, rather than
+be exposed to the infamy attending such an accusation." The scheme was
+feasible, and though not very honourable, made such an impression upon
+the needy borrower, that he assented to the proposals; and, by our
+hero's credit, the money was raised. The jewels were accordingly
+purchased, pawned, relieved, and repledged by the agent, who undertook
+to manage the whole affair; and so judiciously was the project executed,
+that he could have easily proved each lender guilty of the charge.
+Having thus far successfully transacted the business, this faithful
+agent visited them severally on his own account, to give them
+intimation, that his employer intended to sue them on the statute of
+usury; upon which, every one for himself bribed the informer to withdraw
+his evidence, by which alone he could be convicted; and having received
+these gratifications, he had thought proper to retreat into France
+with the whole booty, including the original thousand that put them in
+motion. In consequence of this decampment, the borrower had withdrawn
+himself; so that the lender was obliged to have recourse to his
+security.
+
+This was a very mortifying account to our young gentleman, who, in
+vain, reminded the narrator of his promise, importing, that he would not
+demand the money, until he should be called to an account by his ward;
+and observed, that, long before that period, the fugitive might appear
+and discharge the debt. But the other was deaf to these remonstrances;
+alleging, that his promise was provisional, on the supposition that the
+borrower would deal candidly and fairly; that he had forfeited all title
+to his friendship and trust, by the scandalous scheme in which he had
+embarked; and that his treacherous flight from his security was no proof
+of his honesty and intended return; but, on the contrary, a warning, by
+which he, the lender, was taught to take care of himself. He therefore
+insisted upon his being indemnified immediately, on pain of letting the
+law take its course; and Peregrine was actually obliged to part with
+the whole sum he had so lately received. But this payment was not made
+without extreme reluctance, indignation, and denunciation of eternal war
+against the absconder, and the rigid creditor, betwixt whom he suspected
+some collusion.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCI.
+
+
+
+Cadwallader acts the part of a Comforter to his Friend; and in his turn
+is consoled by Peregrine, who begins to find himself a most egregious
+Dupe.
+
+
+This new misfortune, which he justly charged to the account of his own
+folly, recalled his chagrin; and though he endeavoured with all his
+might to conceal the affair from the knowledge of Cadwallader, that
+prying observer perceived his countenance overcast. The projector's
+sudden disappearance alarming his suspicion, he managed his inquiries
+with so much art, that in a few days he made himself acquainted with
+every particular of the transaction, and resolved to gratify his
+spleen at the expense of the impatient dupe. With this view, he took an
+opportunity to accost him with a very serious air, saying a friend of
+his had immediate occasion for a thousand pounds, and as Peregrine had
+the exact sum lying by him, he would take it as a great favour if he
+would part with it for a few months on undoubted security. Had Pickle
+known the true motive of this demand, he would in all likelihood have
+made a very disagreeable answer; but Crabtree had wrappped himself up so
+securely in the dissimulation of his features, that the youth could not
+possibly penetrate into his intention; and in the most galling suspense
+replied, that the money was otherwise engaged. The misanthrope, not
+contented with this irritation, assumed the prerogative of a friend, and
+questioned him so minutely about the disposal of the cash, that, after
+numberless evasions, which cost him a world of torture to invent, he
+could contain his vexation no longer, but exclaimed in a rage, "D-- your
+impertinence! 'tis gone to the devil, and that's enough!"--"Thereafter,
+as it may be," said this tormentor, with a most provoking indifference
+of aspect, "I should be glad to know upon what footing; for I suppose
+you have some expectation of advantage from that quarter."--"'Sdeath!
+sir," cried the impatient youth, "if I had any expectation from hell, I
+would make interest with you; for I believe, from my soul, you are one
+of its most favoured ministers upon earth." With these words, he flung
+out of the room, leaving Cadwallader very well satisfied with the
+chastisement he had bestowed.
+
+Peregrine having cooled himself with a solitary walk in the park,
+during which the violence of his choler gradually evaporated, and his
+reflection was called to a serious deliberation upon the posture of his
+affairs, he resolved to redouble his diligence and importunity with his
+patron and the minister, in order to obtain some sinecure, which would
+indemnify him for the damage he had sustained on their account. He
+accordingly went to his lordship and signified his demand, after having
+told him, that he had suffered several fresh losses, which rendered
+an immediate provision of that sort necessary to his credit and
+subsistence. His noble friend commended him for the regard he manifested
+for his own interest, which he considered as a proof of his being at
+last detached from the careless inadvertency of youth; he approved of
+his demand, which he assured him should be faithfully transmitted to the
+minister, and backed with all his influence; and encouraged his hope, by
+observing, that some profitable places were at that time vacant, and, so
+far as he knew, unengaged.
+
+This conversation helped to restore the tranquility of Pickle's breast,
+though he still harboured resentment against Cadwallader, on account of
+the last insult; and on the instant he formed a plan of revenge. He knew
+the misanthrope's remittances from his estate in the country had been of
+late very scanty, in consequence of repairs and bankruptcies among his
+tenants; so that, in spite of all his frugality, he had been but barely
+able to maintain his credit, and even that was engaged on the strength
+of his running rent. Being therefore intimately acquainted with the
+particulars of his fortune, he wrote a letter to Crabtree, subscribed
+with the name of his principal farmer's wife, importing that her husband
+being lately dead, and the greatest part of her cattle destroyed by the
+infectious distemper, she found herself utterly incapable of paying the
+rent which was due, or even of keeping the farm, unless he would, out
+of his great goodness, be pleased to give her some assistance, and allow
+her to sit free for a twelvemonth to come. This intimation he found
+means to convey by post from a market town adjoining to the farm,
+directed in the usual style to the cynic, who, seeing it stamped with
+the known marks, could not possibly suspect any imposition.
+
+Hackneyed as he was in the ways of life, and steeled with his boasted
+stoicism, this epistle threw him into such an agony of vexation, that
+a double proportion of souring was visible in his aspect, when he was
+visited by the author, who, having observed and followed the postman
+at a proper distance, introduced a conversation upon his own
+disappointments, in which, among other circumstances of his own
+ill-luck, he told him, that his patron's steward had desired to be
+excused from paying the last quarter of his interest precisely at the
+appointed term, for which reason he should be utterly void of cash, and
+therefore requested that Crabtree would accommodate him with an hundred
+pieces of his next remittance from the country.
+
+This demand galled and perplexed the old man to such a degree, that
+the muscles of his face assumed a contraction peculiarly virulent, and
+exhibited the character of Diogenes with a most lively expression; he
+knew that a confession of his true situation would furnish Pickle with
+an opportunity to make reprisals upon him, with intolerable triumph;
+and that, by a downright refusal to supply his wants, he would for ever
+forfeit his friendship and esteem, and might provoke him to take ample
+vengeance for his sordid behaviour, by exposing him, in his native
+colours, to the resentment of those whom he had so long deceived. These
+considerations kept him some time in a most rancorous state of suspense,
+which Peregrine affected to misinterpret, by bidding him freely declare
+his suspicion, if he did not think it safe to comply with his request,
+and he would make shift elsewhere.
+
+This seeming misconstruction increased the torture of the misanthrope,
+who, with the utmost irritation of feature, "Oons!" cried he, "what
+villainy have you noted in my conduct, that you treat me like a rascally
+usurer?" Peregrine very gravely replied, that the question needed no
+answer; "for," said he, "had I considered you as a usurer, I would have
+come with a security under my arm; but, all evasion apart, will you
+stead me? will you pleasure me? shall I have the money?"--"Would it were
+in your belly, with a barrel of gunpowder!" exclaimed the enraged cynic;
+"since I must be excruciated, read that plaguy paper! 'Sblood! why
+didn't nature clap a pair of long ears and a tail upon me, that I might
+be a real ass, and champ thistles on some common, independent of my
+fellow-creatures? Would I were a worm, that I might creep into the
+earth, and thatch my habitation with a single straw; or rather a wasp
+or a viper, that I might make the rascally world feel my resentment. But
+why do I talk of rascality? folly, folly, is the scourge of life! Give
+me a scoundrel, so he be a sensible one, and I will put him in my heart
+of hearts! but a fool is more mischievous than famine, pestilence, and
+war. The idiotical hag that writes, or causes to be writ, this same
+letter, has ruined her family, and broke her husband's heart, by
+ignorance and mismanagement; and she imputes her calamity to Providence
+with a vengeance; and so I am defrauded of three hundred pounds, the
+greatest part of which I owe to tradesmen, whom I have promised to pay
+this very quarter. Pox upon her! I would she were a horned beast, that
+the distemper might lay hold on her. The beldame has the impudence too,
+after she has brought me into this dilemma, to solicit my assistance
+to stock the farm anew! Before God, I have a good mind to send her a
+halter, and perhaps I might purchase another for myself, but that I
+would not furnish food for laughter to knaves and coxcombs."
+
+Peregrine having perused the billet, and listened to this ejaculation,
+replied with great composure, that he was ashamed to see a man of
+his years and pretensions to philosophy so ruffled by a trifle. "What
+signify all the boasted hardships you have overcome," said he, "and the
+shrewd observations you pretend to have made on human nature? Where is
+that stoical indifference you affirm you have attained, if such a paltry
+disappointment can disturb you in this manner? What is the loss of
+three hundred pounds, compared with the misfortunes which I myself have
+undergone within these two years? Yet you will take upon you to act the
+censor, and inveigh against the impatience and impetuosity of youth, as
+if you yourself had gained an absolute conquest over all the passions
+of the heart. You were so kind as to insult me another day in my
+affliction, by reproaching me with indiscretion and misconduct: suppose
+I were now to retort the imputation, and ask how a man of your profound
+sagacity could leave your fortune at the discretion of ignorant
+peasants? How could you be so blind as not to foresee the necessity of
+repairs, together with the danger of bankruptcy, murrain, or thin crop?
+Why did you not convert your land into ready money, and, as you have no
+connections in life, purchase an annuity, on which you might have lived
+at your ease, without any fear of the consequence? Can't you, from the
+whole budget of your philosophy, cull one apophthegm to console you for
+this trivial mischance?"
+
+"Rot your rapidity!" said the cynic, half-choked with gall; "if the
+cancer or the pox were in your throat, I should not be thus tormented
+with your tongue; and yet a magpie shall speak infinitely more to the
+purpose. Don't you know, Mr. Wiseacre, that my case does not fall within
+the province of philosophy? Had I been curtailed of all my members,
+racked by the gout and gravel, deprived of liberty, robbed of an only
+child, or visited with the death of a dear friend like you, philosophy
+might have contributed to my consolation; but will philosophy pay my
+debts, or free me from the burden of obligation to a set of fellows whom
+I despise?--speak-pronounce-demonstrate, or may Heaven close your mouth
+for ever!"
+
+"These are the comfortable fruits of your misanthropy," answered the
+youth; "your laudable scheme of detaching yourself from the bonds of
+society, and of moving in a superior sphere of your own. Had you not
+been so peculiarly sage, and intent upon laughing at mankind, you could
+never have been disconcerted by such a pitiful inconvenience; any friend
+would have accommodated you with the sum in question. But now the world
+may retort the laugh; for you stand upon such an agreeable footing with
+your acquaintance, that nothing could please them better than an account
+of your having given disappointment the slip, by the help of a noose
+properly applied. This I mention by way of hint, upon which I would have
+you chew the cud of reflection; and, should it come to that issue, I
+will use my whole interest with the coroner to bring in his verdict
+lunacy, that your carcase may have Christian burial."
+
+So saying, he withdrew, very well satisfied with the revenge he had
+taken, which operated so violently upon Crabtree, that, if it had
+not been for the sole consideration mentioned above, he would, in
+all probability, have had recourse to the remedy proposed. But his
+unwillingness to oblige and entertain his fellow-creatures hindered him
+from practising that expedient, till, by course of post, he was happily
+undeceived with regard to the situation of his affairs; and that
+information had such an effect upon him, that he not only forgave our
+hero for the stratagem, which he immediately ascribed to the right
+author, but also made him a tender of his purse; so that matters for the
+present were brought to an amicable accommodation.
+
+Meanwhile Peregrine never slacked in his attendance upon the great; he
+never omitted to appear upon every levee day, employed his industry and
+penetration in getting intelligence of posts that were unfilled, and
+every day recommended himself to the good offices of his patron, who
+seemed to espouse his interest with great cordiality; nevertheless, he
+was always too late in his application, or the place he demanded chanced
+to be out of the minister's gift. These intimations, though communicated
+in the most warm professions of friendship and regard, gave great
+umbrage to the young gentleman, who considered them as the evasions
+of an insincere courtier, and loudly complained of them as such to
+his lordship, signifying, at the same time, an intention to sell his
+mortgage for ready money, which he would expend to the last farthing in
+thwarting his honour, in the very first election he should patronize.
+His lordship never wanted a proper exhortation upon these occasions. He
+did not now endeavour to pacify him with assurances of the minister's
+favour, because he perceived that these medicines had, by repeated use,
+lost their effect upon our adventurer, whose menaces he now combated
+by representing that the minister's purse was heavier than that of
+Mr. Pickle; that, therefore, should he make a point of opposing his
+interest, the youth must infallibly fail in the contest; in which case
+he would find himself utterly destitute of the means of subsistence, and
+consequently precluded from all hope of provision.
+
+This was an observation, the truth of which our young gentleman could
+not pretend to doubt, though it did not at all tend to the vindication
+of his honour's conduct. Indeed, Pickle began to suspect the sincerity
+of his own patron, who, in his opinion, had trifled with his impatience,
+and even eluded, by sorry excuses, his desire of having another
+private audience of the first mover. His lordship also began to be less
+accessible than usual; and Peregrine had been obliged to dun the steward
+with repeated demands, before he could finger the last quarter of his
+interest. Alarmed by these considerations, he went and consulted the
+nobleman whom he had obliged in the affair of his son, and had the
+mortification to hear but a very indifferent character of the person in
+whom he had so long confided. This new adviser, who, though a courtier,
+was a rival of the other, gave our adventurer to understand, that he had
+been leaning upon a broken reed; that his professed patron was a man of
+shattered fortune and decayed interest, which extended no farther than
+a smile and a whisper; that, for his own part, he should have been proud
+of an opportunity to use his influence with the minister in behalf of
+Mr. Pickle. "But, since you have put yourself under the protection of
+another peer," said he, "whose connections interfere with mine, I cannot
+now espouse your cause, without incurring the imputation of seducing
+that nobleman's adherents; a charge which, of all others, I would most
+carefully avoid. However, I shall always be ready to assist you with my
+private advice, as a specimen of which, I now counsel you to insist upon
+having another interview with Sir Steady Steerwell himself, that you
+may in person explain your pretensions, without any risk of being
+misrepresented; and endeavour, if possible, to draw him into some
+particular promise, from which he cannot retract, with any regard to
+his reputation; for general profession is a necessary armour worn by all
+ministers in their own defence, against the importunity of those whom
+they will not befriend, and would not disoblige."
+
+This advice was so conformable to his own sentiments, that our
+adventurer seized the first opportunity to demand a hearing, and plainly
+told his patron, that, if he could not be indulged with that favour, he
+should look upon his lordship's influence to be very small, and his
+own hopes to be altogether desperate; in which case he was resolved to
+dispose of the mortgage, purchase an annuity, and live independent.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCII.
+
+
+
+He is indulged with a second Audience by the Minister, of whose
+Sincerity he is convinced--His Pride and Ambition revive, and again are
+mortified.
+
+
+If the young gentleman's money had been in other hands, perhaps the peer
+would have been at very little pains, either in gratifying his demand,
+or opposing his revenge; but he knew that the sale of the mortgage
+could not be effected without an inquiry, to which he did not wish to
+be exposed. He, therefore, employed all his interest in procuring the
+solicited audience. This being granted, Peregrine, with great warmth and
+elocution, expatiated upon the injury his fortune had suffered in the
+affair of the borough, for which he had stood candidate; he took notice
+of the disappointment he had sustained in the other election, reminded
+him of the promises with which he had been amused, and, in conclusion,
+desired to know what he had to expect from his favour. The minister
+having patiently heard him to an end, replied with a most gracious
+aspect, that he was very well informed of his merit and attachment, and
+very much disposed to convince him of the regard which he paid to
+both; that till of late he did not know the nature of his expectations,
+neither had he the power of creating posts for those whom he was
+inclined to serve; but if Mr. Pickle would chalk out any feasible method
+by which he could manifest his sentiments of friendship, he should not
+be backward in executing the plan.
+
+Peregrine, laying hold on this declaration, mentioned several places
+which he knew to be vacant. But the old evasion was still used; one of
+them was not in his department of business, another had been promised to
+the third son of a certain earl before the death of the last possessor,
+and a third was encumbered with a pension that ate up a good half of
+the appointments. In short, such obstructions were started to all his
+proposals as he could not possibly surmount, though he plainly perceived
+they were no other than specious pretexts to cover the mortifying side
+of a refusal. Exasperated, therefore, at this lack of sincerity and
+gratitude, "I can easily foresee," said he, "that such difficulties will
+never be wanting, when I have anything to ask; and for that reason
+will save myself the trouble of any further application." So saying, he
+withdrew in a very abrupt manner, breathing defiance and revenge. But
+his patron, who did not think proper to drive him to extremities, found
+means to persuade his honour to do something for the pacification of
+the young man's choler; and that same evening our adventurer received a
+message from his lordship, desiring to see him immediately.
+
+In consequence of this intimation, Pickle went to his house, and
+appeared before him with a very cloudy aspect, which signified to whom
+it might concern, that his temper was at present too much galled to
+endure reproof; and therefore the sagacious peer forbore taking him to
+task for his behaviour during the audience he had obtained; but gave him
+to understand, that the minister, in consideration of his services, had
+sent him a bank-note of three hundred pounds, with a promise of the like
+sum yearly, until he could be otherwise provided for. This declaration
+in some measure appeased the youth, who condescended to accept the
+present; and, next levee day, made his acknowledgment to the donor,
+who favoured him with a smile of infinite complacency, which entirely
+dissipated all the remains of his resentment; for, as he could not
+possibly divine the true cause of his being temporized with, he looked
+upon this condescension as an undoubted proof of Sir Steady's sincerity,
+and firmly believed that he would settle him in some place with the
+first opportunity, rather than continue to pay this pension out of his
+own pocket. In all probability, his prediction would have been verified,
+had not an unforeseen accident in a moment overwhelmed the barque of his
+interest at court.
+
+Meanwhile, this short gleam of good fortune recalled the ideas of pride
+and ambition which he had formerly cherished. His countenance was again
+lifted up, his good-humour retrieved, and his mien reexalted. Indeed, he
+began to be considered as a rising man by his fellow-dependents, who saw
+the particular notice with which he was favoured at the public levee;
+and some of them, for that reason, were at pains to court his good
+graces. He no longer shunned his former intimates, with whom a good
+part of his fortune had been spent, but made up to them in all places of
+public resort, with the same ease and familiarity as he had been used
+to express, and even re-embarked in some of their excesses, upon the
+strength of his sanguine expectation. Cadwallader and he renewed
+their consultations in the court of ridicule; and divers exploits were
+achieved, to the confusion of those who had "sailed into the north of
+their displeasure."
+
+But these enjoyments were soon interrupted by a misfortune equally fatal
+and unexpected. His noble patron was seized with an apoplectic fit, from
+which he was recovered by the physicians, that they might despatch him
+according to rule, and in two months after they were called, he went the
+way of all flesh. Peregrine was very much afflicted at this event, not
+only on account of his friendship for the deceased, to whom he thought
+himself under many and great obligations, but also because he feared
+that his own interest would suffer a severe shock, by the removal of
+this nobleman, whom he considered as its chief support. He put himself
+therefore in mourning, out of regard to the memory of his departed
+friend, and exhibited genuine marks of sorrow and concern, though he
+had in reality more cause to grieve than he as yet imagined. When
+quarter-day came about, he applied to the steward of his lordship's heir
+for the interest of his money, as usual; and the reader will readily
+own he had some reason to be surprised, when he was told he had no claim
+either to principal or interest. True it is, the manager talked very
+civilly as well as sensibly on the subject. "Your appearance, sir," said
+he to Pickle, "screens you from all suspicion of an intended fraud; but
+the mortgage upon those lands you mention was granted to another person
+many years before you pretend to have lent that sum; and I have, this
+very morning, paid one quarter's interest, as appears from this receipt,
+which you may peruse for your satisfaction."
+
+Peregrine was so thunderstruck at this information, which stripped him
+of his all, that he could not utter one word; a circumstance that did
+no great honour to his character in the opinion of the steward, who,
+in good earnest, began to entertain some doubts of his integrity. For,
+among the papers of the deceased, which he had examined, there was no
+writing, memorandum, or receipt relating to this encumbrance. After a
+long pause of stupefaction, Peregrine recollected himself so far as to
+observe, that either he was egregiously mistaken, or the predecessor of
+his lord the greatest villain upon earth. "But, Mr. Whatd'ycallum," said
+he, "you must give me leave to tell you, that your bare assertion in
+this affair will by no means induce me to put up quietly with the loss
+of ten thousand pounds."
+
+Having thus expressed himself, he retired from the house so discontented
+at this demur, that he scarce knew whether he moved upon his head or
+heels; and the park chancing to be in his way, he sauntered about,
+giving vent to a soliloquy in praise of his departed friend, the burden
+of which was a string of incoherent curses imprecated upon himself; till
+his transports by degrees giving way to his reflection, he deliberated
+seriously and sorrowfully upon his misfortune, and resolved to consult
+lawyers without loss of time. But, first of all, he proposed to make
+personal application to the heir, who, by a candid representation of
+the case, might be inclined to do him justice. In consequence of this
+determination, he next morning put his writings in his pocket, and went
+in a chair to the house of the young nobleman, to whom, being admitted
+by virtue of his appearance, and a small gratification to the porter, he
+explained the whole affair, corroborating his assertions with the papers
+which he produced, and describing the disgrace that would be entailed
+upon the memory of the deceased, should he be obliged to seek redress in
+a public court of justice.
+
+The executor, who was a person of good breeding, condoled him upon his
+loss with great good-nature, though he did not seem much surprised at
+his account of the matter; but wished, that, since the fraud must have
+been committed, the damage had fallen upon the first mortgager, who,
+he said, was a thievish usurer, grown rich by the distresses of his
+fellow-creatures. In answer to our hero's remonstrances, he observed,
+that he did not look upon himself as obliged to pay the least regard to
+the character of his predecessor, who had used him with great barbarity
+and injustice, not only in excluding him from his countenance and
+assistance, but also in prejudicing his inheritance as much as lay in
+his power; so that it could not be reasonably expected that he would
+pay ten thousand pounds of his debt, for which he had received no
+value. Peregrine, in spite of his chagrin, could not help owning within
+himself, that there was a good deal of reason in this refusal. After
+having given loose to his indignation in the most violent invectives
+against the defunct, he took his leave of the complaisant heir, and had
+immediate recourse to the advice of counsel, who assured him that he had
+an excellent plea, and was accordingly retained in the cause.
+
+All these measures were taken in the first vigour of his exertion,
+during which his spirits were so fluttered with the diversity of
+passions produced by his mischance, that he mistook for equanimity that
+which was no other than intoxication; and two whole days elapsed before
+he attained a due sense of his misfortune. Then, indeed, he underwent a
+woeful self-examination; every circumstance of the inquiry added fresh
+pangs to his reflection; and the result of the whole was a discovery,
+that his fortune was totally consumed, and himself reduced to a state
+of the most deplorable dependence. This suggestion alone might, in the
+anguish of his despondency, have driven him to some desperate course,
+had it not been in some measure qualified by the confidence of his
+lawyers, and the assurance of the minister, which, slender as the world
+hath generally found them, were the only bulwarks between misery and
+him.
+
+The mind is naturally pliable, and, provided it has the least hope to
+lean upon, adapts itself wonderfully to the emergencies of fortune,
+especially when the imagination is gay and luxuriant. This was the case
+with our adventurer; instead of indulging the melancholy ideas which
+his loss inspired, he had recourse to the flattering delusions of hope,
+soothing himself with unsubstantial plans of future greatness, and
+endeavouring to cover what was past with the veil of oblivion. After
+some hesitation, he resolved to make Crabtree acquainted with his
+misfortune, that once for all he might pass the ordeal of his satire,
+without subjecting himself to a long series of sarcastic hints and
+doubtful allusions, which he could not endure. He accordingly took the
+first opportunity of telling him that he was absolutely ruined by the
+perfidy of his patron, and desired that he would not aggravate his
+affliction by those cynical remarks which were peculiar to men of his
+misanthropical disposition. Cadwallader listened to this declaration
+with internal surprise, which, however, produced no alteration in his
+countenance; and, after some pause, observed, that our hero had no
+reason to look for any new observation from him upon this event, which
+he had long foreseen, and daily expected, and exhorted him, with an
+ironical sneer, to console himself with the promise of the minister, who
+would doubtless discharge the debts of his deceased bosom friend.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCIII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine commits himself to the Public, and is admitted Member of a
+College of Authors.
+
+
+The bitterness of this explanation being passed, our young gentleman
+began to revolve within himself schemes for making up the deficiencies
+of his yearly income, which was now so grievously reduced; and
+determined to profit, in some shape or other, by those talents which he
+owed to nature and education. He had, in his affluence, heard of several
+authors, who, without any pretensions to genius or human literature,
+earned a very genteel subsistence by undertaking work for booksellers,
+in which reputation was not at all concerned. One, for example,
+professed all manner of translation, at so much per sheet, and actually
+kept five or six amanuenses continually employed, like so many clerks in
+a counting-house, by which means he was enabled to live at his ease, and
+enjoy his friend and his bottle, ambitious of no other character than
+that of an honest man and a good neighbour. Another projected a variety
+of plans for new dictionaries, which were executed under his eye by
+day-labourers; and the province of a third was history and voyages,
+collected or abridged by understrappers of the same class.
+
+Mr. Pickle, in his comparisons, paid such deference to his own
+capacity, as banished all doubts of his being able to excel any of those
+undertakers in their different branches of profession, if ever he should
+be driven to that experiment; but his ambition prompted him to make his
+interest and glory coincide, by attempting some performance which
+should do him honour with the public, and at the same time establish
+his importance among the copy-purchasers in town. With this view, he
+worshipped the muse; and, conscious of the little regard which is in
+this age paid to every species of poetic composition, in which neither
+satire nor obscenity occurs, he produced an imitation of Juvenal,
+and lashed some conspicuous characters, with equal truth, spirit, and
+severity. Though his name did not appear in the title-page of this
+production, he managed matters so that the work was universally
+imputed to the true author, who was not altogether disappointed in his
+expectations of success; for the impression was immediately sold off,
+and the piece became the subject of conversation in all assemblies of
+taste.
+
+This happy exordium not only attracted the addresses of the booksellers,
+who made interest for his acquaintance, but also roused the notice of a
+society of authors, who styled themselves "The College," from which
+he was honoured with a deputation, offering to enroll him a member by
+unanimous consent. The person employed for this purpose being a bard
+who had formerly tasted of our hero's bounty, used all his eloquence to
+persuade him to comply with the advances of their fraternity, which
+he described in such a manner as inflamed the curiosity of Pickle, who
+dismissed the ambassador, with an acknowledgment of the great honour
+they conferred upon him, and a faithful promise of endeavouring to merit
+the continuance of their approbation.
+
+He was afterwards, by the same minister, instructed in the ceremonies of
+the college; and, in consequence of his information, composed an ode,
+to be publicly recited on the evening of his introduction. He understood
+that this constitution was no other than a body of authors, incorporated
+by mutual consent, for their joint advantage and satisfaction,
+opposed to another assembly of the same kind, their avowed enemies and
+detractors. No wonder, then, that they sought to strengthen themselves
+with such a valuable acquisition as our hero was likely to prove. The
+college consisted of authors only, and these of all degrees in point
+of reputation, from the fabricator of a song, set to music, and sung at
+Marylebone, to the dramatic bard who had appeared in buskins upon the
+stage: nay, one of the members had actually finished eight books of an
+epic poem, for the publication of which he was at that time soliciting
+subscriptions.
+
+It cannot be supposed that such a congregation of the sons of Apollo
+would sit a whole evening with order and decorum, unless they were under
+the check of some established authority; and this inconvenience having
+been foreseen, they had elected a president, vested with full power to
+silence any member or members that should attempt to disturb the harmony
+and subordination of the whole. The sage, who at this time possessed the
+chair, was a person in years, whose countenance was a lively portraiture
+of that rancorous discontent which follows repeated damnation. He had
+been extremely unfortunate in his theatrical productions, and was, to
+use the words of a profane wag, who assisted at the condemnation of his
+last play, by this time d--d beyond redemption. Nevertheless, he still
+tarried about the skirts of Parnassus, translating some of the classics,
+and writing miscellanies, and by dint of an invincible assurance,
+supercilious insolence, the most undaunted virulence of tongue, and some
+knowledge of life, he made shift to acquire and maintain the character
+of a man of learning and wit, in the opinion of people who had neither;
+that is, thirty-nine in forty of those with whom he associated himself.
+He was even looked upon in this light by some few of the college; though
+the major part of those who favoured his election, were such as dreaded
+his malice, respected his experience and seniority, or hated his
+competitor, who was the epic poet.
+
+The chief end of this society, as I have already hinted, was to assist
+and support each other in their productions, which they mutually
+recommended to sale, with all their art and influence, not only in
+private conversation, but also in occasional epigrams, criticisms, and
+advertisements, inserted in the public papers. This science, which is
+known by the vulgar appellation of puffing, they carried to such a pitch
+of finesse, that an author very often wrote an abusive answer to his own
+performance, in order to inflame the curiosity of the town, by which
+it had been overlooked. Notwithstanding this general unanimity in the
+college, a private animosity had long subsisted between the two rivals
+I have mentioned, on account of precedence, to which both laid claim,
+though, by a majority of votes, it had been decided in favour of the
+present chairman. The grudge indeed never proceeded to any degree of
+outrage or defiance, but manifested itself at every meeting, in attempts
+to eclipse each other in smart sayings and pregnant repartee; so that
+there was always a delicate mess of this kind of wit served up in the
+front of the evening, for the entertainment and example of the junior
+members, who never failed to divide upon this occasion, declaring
+themselves for one or other of the combatants, whom they encouraged by
+their looks, gestures, and applause, according to the circumstances of
+the dispute.
+
+This honourable consistory was held in the best room of an ale-house,
+which afforded wine, punch, or beer, suitable to the purse or
+inclination of every individual, who separately paid for his own choice;
+and here was our hero introduced in the midst of twenty strangers, who,
+by their looks and equipage, formed a very picturesque variety. He was
+received with a most gracious solemnity, and placed upon the right
+hand of the president, who, having commanded silence, recited aloud
+his introductory ode, which met with universal approbation. Then was
+tendered to him the customary oath, obliging him to consult the honour
+and advantage of the society as far as it should he in his power, in
+every station of life; and this being taken, his temples were bound with
+a wreath of laurel, which was kept sacred for such inauguration.
+
+When these rites were performed with all due ceremony, the new member
+cast his eyes around the place, and took a more accurate survey of his
+brethren; among whom he observed a strange collection of periwigs, with
+regard to the colour, fashions, and dimensions, which were such as
+he had never seen before. Those who sat on each side, nearest the
+president, were generally distinguished by venerable ties, the foretops
+of which exhibited a surprising diversity; some of them rose slanting
+backwards, like the glacis of a fortification; some were elevated in
+two distinct eminences, like the hills Helicon and Parnassus; and others
+were curled and reflected, as the horns of Jupiter Ammon. Next to these,
+the majors took place, many of which were mere succedanea, made by the
+application of an occasional rose to the tail of a lank bob; and in the
+lower form appeared masses of hair, which would admit of no description.
+
+Their clothes were tolerably well suited to the furniture of their
+heads, the apparel of the upper bench being decent and clean, while that
+of the second class was threadbare and soiled; and at the lower end
+of the room, he perceived divers efforts made to conceal their
+rent breeches and dirty linen; nay, he could distinguish by their
+countenances the different kinds of poetry in which they exercised the
+muse. He saw Tragedy conspicuous in a grave solemnity of regard; Satire
+louring in a frown of envy and discontent; Elegy whining in a funeral
+aspect; Pastoral dozing in a most insipid languor of face; Ode-writing
+delineated in a distracted stare; and Epigram squinting with a pert
+sneer. Perhaps our hero refined too much in his penetration, when he
+affirmed, that, over and above these discoveries, he could plainly
+perceive the state of every one's finances, and would have undertaken
+to have guessed each particular sum without varying three farthings from
+the truth. The conversation, instead of becoming general, began to fall
+into parties; and the epic poet had actually attracted the attention of
+a private committee, when the chairman interposed, calling aloud, "No
+cabals, no conspiracies, gentlemen." His rival, thinking it incumbent
+upon him to make some reply to this rebuke, answered, "We have no
+secrets; he that hath ears, let him hear." This was spoke as an
+intimation to the company, whose looks were instantly whetted with the
+expectation of their ordinary meal; but the president seemed to decline
+the contest; for, without putting on his fighting face, he calmly
+replied, that he had seen Mr. Metaphor tip the wink, and whisper to
+one of his confederates, and thence judged, that there was something
+mysterious on the carpet.
+
+The epic poet, believing his antagonist crest-fallen, resolved to take
+the advantage of his dejection, that he might enhance his own character
+in the opinion of the stranger; and, with that view, asked, with an air
+of exultation, if a man might not be allowed to have a convulsion in his
+eye, without being suspected of a conspiracy? The president, perceiving
+his drift, and piqued at his presumption, "To be sure," said he, "a
+man of a weak head may be very well supposed to have convulsions in his
+eyes." This repartee produced a laugh of triumph among the chairman's
+adherents; one of whom observed, that his rival had got a smart rap on
+the pate. "Yes," replied the bard, "in that respect Mr. Chairman has the
+advantage of me. Had my head been fortified with a horn-work, I should
+not have been so sensible of the stroke." This retort, which carried a
+severe allusion to the president's wife, lighted up the countenances of
+the aggressor's friends, which had begun to be a little obumbrated;
+and had a contrary effect upon the other faction, till their chief,
+collecting all his capacity, returned the salute, by observing, that
+there was no occasion for a horn-work, when the covered way was not
+worth defending.
+
+Such a reprisal upon Mr. Metaphor's yoke-fellow, who was by no means
+remarkable for her beauty, could not fail to operate upon the hearers;
+and as for the bard himself, he was evidently ruffled by the reflection;
+to which, however, he, without hesitation, replied, "Egad! 'tis my
+opinion, that, if your covered way was laid open, few people would
+venture to give the assault."--"Not unless their batteries were more
+effectual than the fire of your wit," said the president. "As for
+that matter," cried the other with precipitation, "they would have
+no occasion to batter in breach; they would find the angle of the la
+pucelle bastion demolished to their hands--he, he!"--"But I believe it
+would surpass your understanding," resumed the chairman, "to fill up
+the fosse."--"That, I own, is impracticable," replied the bard, "there I
+should meet with a hiatus maxime deflendus!"
+
+The president, exasperated at this insinuation, in presence of the new
+member, exclaimed, with indignation in his looks, "And yet, if a body
+of pioneers were set at work upon your skull, they would find rubbish
+enough to choke up all the common sewers in town." Here a groan was
+uttered by the admirers of the epic poet, who, taking a pinch of snuff
+with great composure, "When a man grows scurrilous," said he, "I take it
+for an undoubted proof of his overthrow."--"If that be the case," cried
+the other, "you yourself must be the vanquished party, for you were
+the first that was driven to personal abuse."--"I appeal," answered the
+bard, "to those who can distinguish. Gentlemen, your judgment."
+
+This reference produced a universal clamour, and the whole college was
+involved in confusion. Every man entered into dispute with his neighbour
+on the merits of this cause. The chairman interposed his authority in
+vain; the noise grew louder and louder; the disputants waxed warm;
+the epithets of blockhead, fool, and scoundrel, were bandied about.
+Peregrine enjoyed the uproar, and, leaping upon the table, sounded
+the charge to battle, which was immediately commenced in ten different
+duels. The lights were extinguished; the combatants thrashed one another
+without distinction; the mischievous Pickle distributed sundry random
+blows in the dark, and the people below, being alarmed with the sound
+of application, the overturning of chairs, and the outcries of those who
+were engaged, came up-stairs in a body with lights to reconnoitre, and,
+if possible, quell this hideous tumult.
+
+Objects were no sooner rendered visible, than the field of battle
+exhibited strange groups of the standing and the fallen. Each of Mr.
+Metaphor's eyes was surrounded with a circle of a livid hue; and the
+president's nose distilled a quantity of clotted blood. One of the
+tragic authors, finding himself assaulted in the dark, had, by way of a
+poniard, employed upon his adversary's throat a knife which lay upon the
+table, for the convenience of cutting cheese; but, by the blessing of
+God, the edge of it was not keen enough to enter the skin, which it had
+only scratched in divers places. A satirist had almost bit off the ear
+of a lyric bard. Shirts and neckcloths were torn to rags; and there was
+such a woeful wreck of periwigs on the floor, that no examination
+could adjust the property of the owners, the greatest part of whom were
+obliged to use handkerchiefs by way of nightcap.
+
+The fray, however, ceased at the approach of those who interposed; part
+of the combatants being tired of an exercise in which they had
+received nothing but hard blows; part of them being intimidated by the
+remonstrances of the landlord and his company, who threatened to call
+the watch; and a very few being ashamed of the scandalous dispute
+in which they were detected. But though the battle was ended, it was
+impossible, for that evening, to restore harmony and good order to the
+society, which broke up, after the president had pronounced a short and
+confused apology to our adventurer, for the indecent uproar which had
+unfortunately happened on the first night of his admission. Indeed,
+Peregrine deliberated with himself, whether or not his reputation would
+allow him to appear again among this venerable fraternity; but, as he
+knew some of them to be men of real genius, how ridiculous soever their
+carriage might be modified, and was of that laughing disposition, which
+is always seeking food for mirth, as Horace observes of Philippus:
+
+Risus undique quaerit;--
+
+he resolved to frequent the college, notwithstanding this accident,
+which happened at his inauguration; being thereto, moreover, induced by
+his desire of knowing the private history of the stage, with which he
+supposed some of the members perfectly well acquainted. He was also
+visited, before the next meeting, by his introductor, who assured him,
+that such a tumult had never happened since the first institution of the
+assembly, till that very night; and promised that, for the future, he
+should have no cause to be scandalized at their behaviour.
+
+Persuaded by these motives and assurances, he trusted himself once more
+in the midst of their community, and everything proceeded with great
+decorum; all dispute and altercation was avoided, and the college
+applied itself seriously to the purposes of its meeting, namely, to hear
+the grievances of individuals, and assist them with salutary advice.
+The first person that craved redress was a noisy North Briton, who
+complained, in a strange dialect, that he had, in the beginning of the
+season, presented a comedy to the manager of a certain theatre, who,
+after it had lain six weeks in his hands, returned it to the author,
+affirming there was neither sense nor English in the performance.
+
+The president, who, by the bye, had revised the piece, thinking his own
+reputation concerned, declared, in presence of the whole society,
+that, with regard to sense, he would not undertake to vindicate the
+production; but, in point of language, no fault could be justly laid to
+its charge. "The case, however, is very plain," said he; "the manager
+never gave himself the trouble to peruse the play, but formed a judgment
+of it from the conversation of the author, never dreaming that it had
+undergone the revisal of an English writer; be that as it will, you are
+infinitely obliged to him for having despatched you so soon, and I shall
+have the better opinion of him for it so long as I live; for I have
+known other guise authors than you, that is, in point of interest and
+fame, kept in continual attendance and dependence during the best part
+of their lives, and, after all, disappointed in the expectation of
+seeing their performances exhibited on the stage."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCIV.
+
+
+
+Further proceedings of the College.
+
+
+This affair was no sooner discussed, than another gentleman exhibited a
+complaint, signifying, that he had undertaken to translate into English
+a certain celebrated author, who had been cruelly mangled by former
+attempts; and that, soon as his design took air, the proprietors of
+those miserable translations had endeavoured to prejudice his work, by
+industrious insinuations, contrary to truth and fair dealing, importing,
+that he did not understand one word of the language which he pretended
+to translate. This being a case that nearly concerned the greatest part
+of the audience, it was taken into serious deliberation. Some observed,
+that it was not only a malicious effort against the plaintiff, but also
+a spiteful advertisement to the public, tending to promote an inquiry
+into the abilities of all other translators, few of whom, it was well
+known, were so qualified as to stand the test of such examination.
+Others said, that over and above this consideration, which ought to have
+its due weight with the college, there was a necessity for concerting
+measures to humble the presumption of booksellers, who had, from
+time immemorial, taken all opportunities to oppress and enslave their
+authors; not only by limiting men of genius to the wages of journeymen
+tailors, without even allowing them one Sabbath in the week, but also
+in taking such advantages of their necessities as were inconsistent with
+justice and humanity.
+
+"For example," said one of the members, "after I myself had acquired a
+little reputation with the town, I was caressed by one of those tyrants,
+who professed a friendship for me, and even supplied me with money,
+according to the exigencies of my situation; so that I looked upon
+him as the mirror of disinterested benevolence; and had he known my
+disposition, and treated me accordingly, I should have writ for him upon
+his own terms. After I had used his friendship in this manner for some
+time, I happened to have occasion for a small sum of money, and with
+great confidence made another application to my good friend; when all of
+a sudden he put a stop to his generosity, refused to accommodate me
+in the most abrupt and mortifying style; and though I was at that time
+pretty far advanced in a work for his benefit, which was a sufficient
+security for what I owed him, he roundly asked, how I proposed to pay
+the money which I had already borrowed? Thus was I used like a young w--
+just come upon the town, whom the b--d allows to run into her debt,
+that she may have it in her power to oppress her at pleasure; and if the
+sufferer complains, she is treated like the most ungrateful wretch
+upon earth; and that too with such appearance of reason, as may easily
+mislead an unconcerned spectator. 'You unthankful drab!' she will say,
+'didn't I take you into my house when you hadn't a shift to your back,
+a petticoat to your tail, nor a morsel of bread to put into your belly?
+Han't I clothed you from head to foot like a gentlewoman, supported you
+with board, lodging, and all necessaries, till your own extravagance
+hath brought you into distress; and now you have the impudence, you
+nasty, stinking, brimstone bungaway! to say you are hardly dealt with,
+when I demand no more than my own?' Thus the w-- and the author are
+equally oppressed, and even left without the melancholy privilege of
+complaining; so that they are fain to subscribe to such terms as their
+creditors shall please to impose."
+
+This illustration operated so powerfully upon the conviction and
+resentment of the whole college, that revenge was universally denounced
+against those who had aggrieved the plaintiff; and, after some debate,
+it was agreed, that he should make a new translation of some other
+saleable book, in opposition to a former version belonging to the
+delinquents, and print it in such a small size as would enable him
+to undersell their property; and that this new translation should
+be recommended and introduced into the world with the whole art and
+influence of the society.
+
+This affair being settled to the satisfaction of all present, an author
+of some character stood up, and craved the advice and assistance of his
+fellows, in punishing a certain nobleman of great pretensions to taste,
+who, in consequence of a production which this gentleman had ushered
+into the world with universal applause, not only desired, but even
+eagerly courted his acquaintance. "He invited me to his house," said he,
+"where I was overwhelmed with civility and professions of friendship.
+He insisted upon my treating him as an intimate, and calling upon him at
+all hours, without ceremony; he made me promise to breakfast with him
+at least three times a week. In short, I looked upon myself as very
+fortunate, in meeting with such advances from a man of his interest and
+reputation, who had it in his power to befriend me effectually in my
+passage through life; and, that I might not give him any cause to think
+I neglected his friendship, I went to his house in two days, with a view
+of drinking chocolate, according to appointment; but he had been so
+much fatigued with dancing at an assembly overnight, that his
+valet-de-chambre would not venture to wake him so early; and I left my
+compliments to his lordship, with a performance in manuscript, which he
+had expressed a most eager desire to peruse. I repeated my visit next
+morning, that his impatience to see me might not have some violent
+effect upon his constitution; and received a message from his minister,
+signifying, that he had been highly entertained with the manuscript I
+had left, a great part of which he had read, but was at present so busy
+in contriving a proper dress for a private masquerade, which would
+be given that same evening, that he could not have the pleasure of my
+company at breakfast. This was a feasible excuse, which I admitted
+accordingly, and in a day or two appeared again, when his lordship was
+particularly engaged. This might possibly be the case; and therefore I
+returned the fourth time, in hopes of finding him more at leisure;
+but he had gone out about half an hour before my arrival, and left my
+performance with his valet-de-chambre, who assured me, that his lord
+had perused it with infinite pleasure. Perhaps I might have retired very
+well satisfied with this declaration, had not I, in my passage through
+the hall, heard one of the footmen upon the top of the staircase,
+pronounce with an audible voice, 'Will your lordship please to be at
+home when he calls?' It is not to be supposed that I was pleased at this
+discovery, which I no sooner made, than, turning to my conductor, 'I
+find,' said I, 'his lordship is disposed to be abroad to more people
+than me this morning.' The fellow, though a valet-de-chambre, blushed at
+this observation; and I withdrew, not a little irritated at the peer's
+disingenuity, and fully resolved to spare him my visits for the future.
+It was not long after this occasion, that I happened to meet him in
+the park, and being naturally civil, I could not pass him without a
+salutation of the hat, which he returned in the most distant manner,
+though we were both solitary, and not a soul within view, and when that
+very performance, which he had applauded so warmly, was lately published
+by subscription, he did not bespeak so much as one copy. I have often
+reflected with wonder upon this inconsistency of his conduct. I never
+courted his patronage, nor indeed thought of his name, until he
+made interest for my acquaintance; and if he was disappointed in my
+conversation, why did he press me so much to further connection?"
+
+"The case is very clear," cried the chairman, interrupting him; "he is
+one of those connoisseurs who set up for taste, and value themselves
+upon knowing all men of genius, whom they would be thought to assist
+in their productions. I will lay an even bet with any man, that his
+lordship on the strength of that slender interview, together with the
+opportunity of having seen your performance in manuscript, has already
+hinted to every company in which he is conversant, that you solicited
+his assistance in retouching the piece, which you have now offered to
+the public, and that he was pleased to favour you with his advice,
+but found you obstinately bigoted to your own opinion, in some points
+relating to those very passages which have not met with the approbation
+of the town. As for his caresses, there was nothing at all extraordinary
+in his behaviour. By that time you have lived to my age, you will not
+be surprised to see a courtier's promise and performance of a different
+complexion; not but that I would willingly act as an auxiliary in your
+resentment."
+
+The opinion of the president was strengthened by the concurrence of all
+the members; and all other complaints and memorials being deferred till
+another sitting, the college proceeded to an exercise of wit, which was
+generally performed once every fortnight, with a view to promote the
+expectoration of genius. The subject was occasionally chosen by the
+chairman, who opened the game with some shrewd remark naturally arising
+from the conversation; and then the ball was tossed about, from one
+corner of the room to the other, according to the motions of the spirit.
+
+That the reader may have a just idea of this sport, and of the abilities
+of those who carried it on, I shall repeat the sallies of this evening,
+according to the order and succession in which they escaped. One of the
+members observing that Mr. Metaphor was absent, was told by the person
+who sat next to him, that the poet had foul weather at home, and could
+not stir abroad. "What!" said the president, interposing, with the
+signal upon his countenance, "is he wind-bound, in port?"--"Wine-bound,
+I suppose," cried another. "Hooped with wine! a strange metaphor!" said
+the third. "Not if he has got into a hogshead," answered the fourth.
+"The hogshead will sooner get into him," replied a fifth; "it must be a
+tun or an ocean."--"No wonder then, if he should be overwhelmed," said
+a sixth. "If he should," cried a seventh, "he will cast up when his gall
+breaks."--"That must be very soon," roared an eighth, "for it has been
+long ready to burst." "No, no," observed a ninth, "he'll stick fast
+at the bottom, take my word for it; he has a natural alacrity in
+sinking."--"And yet," remarked a tenth, "I have seen him in the
+clouds."--"Then was he cloudy, I suppose," cried the eleventh.
+"So dark," replied the other, "that his meaning could not be
+perceived."--"For all that," said the twelfth, "he is easily seen
+through."--"You talk," answered the thirteenth, "as if his head was made
+of glass."--"No, no," cried the fourteenth, "his head is made of more
+durable stuff; it will bend before it breaks."--"Yet I have seen it
+broken," resumed the president. "Did you perceive any wit come out
+at the whole?" said another. "His wit," replied the chairman, "is too
+subtle to be perceived."
+
+A third mouth was just open, when the exercise was suddenly interrupted
+by the dreadful cry of "Fire!" which issued from the kitchen, and
+involved the whole college in confusion. Every man endeavoured to be
+the first in making his exit, the door and passage were blocked up; each
+individual was pommelled by the person that happened to be behind him.
+This communication produced noise and exclamation; clouds of smoke
+rolled upwards into the apartment, and terror sat on every brow; when
+Peregrine, seeing no prospect of retreating by the door, opened one of
+the windows, and fairly leaped into the street, where he found a crowd
+of people assembled to contribute their assistance in extinguishing the
+flames. Several members of the college followed his example, and happily
+accomplished their escape. The chairman himself, being unwilling to use
+the same expedient, stood trembling on the brink of descent, dubious
+of his own agility, and dreading the consequence of such a leap, when
+a chair happening to pass, he laid hold on the opportunity, and by an
+exertion of his muscles, pitched upon the top of the carriage, which was
+immediately overturned in the kennel, to the grievous annoyance of the
+fare, which happened to be a certain effeminate beau, in full dress, on
+his way to a private assembly.
+
+This phantom hearing the noise overhead, and feeling the shock of being
+overthrown at the same time, thought that some whole tenement had fallen
+upon the chair, and, in the terror of being crushed to pieces, uttered
+a scream, which the populace supposed to proceed from the mouth of a
+woman; and therefore went to his assistance, while the chairmen, instead
+of ministering to his occasions, no sooner recollected themselves,
+than they ran in pursuit of their overthrower, who, being accustomed
+to escape from bailiffs, dived into a dark alley, and, vanishing in a
+trice, was not visible to any living soul, until he appeared next day on
+Tower-hill.
+
+The humane part of the mob, who bestirred themselves for the relief of
+the supposed lady, no sooner perceived their mistake in the appearance
+of the beau, who stared around him with horror and affright, than their
+compassion was changed into mirth, and they began to pass a great
+many unsavoury jokes upon his misfortune, which they now discovered no
+inclination to alleviate; and he found himself very uncomfortably
+beset, when Pickle, pitying his situation, interposed in his behalf, and
+prevailed upon the chairmen to carry him into the house of an apothecary
+in the neighbourhood, to whom his mischance proved a very advantageous
+accident; for the fright operated so violently upon his nerves, that he
+was seized with a delirium, and lay a whole fortnight deprived of his
+senses; during which period he was not neglected in point of medicines,
+food, and attendance, but royally regaled, as appeared by the contents
+of his landlord's bill.
+
+Our adventurer having seen this unfortunate beau safely housed, returned
+to the scene of the other calamity, which, as it was no other than a
+foul chimney, soon yielded to the endeavours of the family, and was
+happily overcome, without any other bad consequence than that of
+alarming the neighbours, disturbing the college, and disordering
+the brain of a beau. Eager to be acquainted with the particular
+constitutions of a society which seemed to open upon him by degrees,
+Mr. Pickle did not fail to appear at the next meeting, when several
+petitions were laid before the board, in behalf of those members who
+were confined in the prisons of the Fleet, Marshalsea, and King's Bench.
+As those unhappy authors expected nothing from their brethren but advice
+and good offices, which did not concern the purse, the memorials were
+considered with great care and humanity; and, upon this occasion,
+Peregrine had it in his power to manifest his importance to the
+community; for he happened to be acquainted with the creditor of one
+of the prisoners, and knew that gentleman's severity was owing to his
+resentment at the behaviour of the debtor, who had lampooned him in
+print, because he refused to comply with a fresh demand, after he had
+lent him money to the amount of a considerable sum. Our young gentleman,
+therefore, understanding that the author was penitent, and disposed to
+make a reasonable submission, promised to employ his influence with the
+creditor towards an accommodation; and in a few days actually obtained
+his release.
+
+The social duties being discharged, the conversation took a general
+turn, and several new productions were freely criticised; those
+especially which belonged to authors who were either unconnected with,
+or unknown to the college. Nor did the profession of stage-playing
+escape the cognizance of the assembly; a deputation of the most
+judicious members being sent weekly to each theatre, with a view of
+making remarks upon the performance of the actors. The censors for the
+preceding week were accordingly called upon to give in their report; and
+the play which they had reviewed was "the Revenge."
+
+"Mr. Q--," said the second censor, "take him all in all, is certainly
+the most complete and unblemished performer that ever appeared on our
+stage, notwithstanding the blind adoration which is paid to his rival.
+I went two nights ago, with an express design to criticise his action. I
+could find no room for censure, but infinite subject for admiration
+and applause. In Pierre he is great, in Othello excellent, but in Zanga
+beyond all imitation. Over and above the distinctness of pronunciation,
+the dignity of attitude, and expression of face, his gestures are so
+just and significant, that a man, though utterly bereft of the sense of
+hearing, might, by seeing him only, understand the meaning of every word
+he speaks! Sure nothing can be more exquisite than his manner of telling
+Isabella how Alonzo behaved, when he found the incendiary letter
+which he had dropped by the Moor's direction; and when, to crown his
+vengeance, he discovers himself to be the contriver of all the mischief
+that had happened, he manifests a perfect masterpiece of action, in
+pronouncing these four little monosyllables, 'Know, then, 'twas--I.'"
+
+Peregrine having eyed the critic some minutes, "I fancy," said he,
+"your praise must be ironical, because, in the very two situations you
+mention, I think I have seen that player outherod Herod, or, in other
+words, exceed all his other extravagances. The intention of the author
+is, that the Moor should communicate to his confidant a piece of
+information contained in a few lines, which, doubtless, ought to
+be repeated with an air of eagerness and satisfaction, not with the
+ridiculous grimace of a monkey, to which, methought, his action bore an
+intimate resemblance, in uttering this plain sentence:--
+
+     ----He took it up:
+     But scarce was it unfolded to his sight,
+     When he, as if an arrow pierc'd his eye,
+     Started, and trembling dropp'd it on the ground.
+
+"In pronouncing the first two words, this egregious actor stoops down,
+and seems to take up something from the stage, then proceeding to repeat
+what follows, mimics the manner of unfolding a letter; when he mentions
+the simile of an arrow piercing the eye, he darts his forefinger towards
+that organ, then recoils with great violence when the word 'started' is
+expressed; and when he comes to 'trembling dropp'd it on the ground,' he
+throws all his limbs into a tremulous motion, and shakes the imaginary
+paper from his hand. The latter part of the description is carried on
+with the same minute gesticulation, while he says:--
+
+     Pale and aghast awhile my victim stood,
+     Disguis'd a sigh or two, and puff'd them from him;
+     Then rubb'd his brow, and took it up again.
+
+The player's countenance assumes a wild stare, he sighs twice most
+piteously, as if he were on the point of suffocation, scrubs his
+forehead, and, bending his body, apes the action of snatching an object
+from the floor. Nor is this dexterity of dumb-show omitted, when he
+concludes his imitation in these three lines:--
+
+     At first he look'd as if he meant to read it;
+     But check'd by rising fears, he crushed it thus,
+     And thrust it, like an adder, in his bosom.
+
+"Here the judicious performer imitates the confusion and concern of
+Alonzo, seems to cast his eyes upon something, from which they are
+immediately withdrawn with horror and precipitation then shutting
+his fist with a violent squeeze, as if he intended to make immediate
+application to Isabella's nose, he rams it in his own bosom, with all
+the horror and agitation of a thief taken in the manner. Were the player
+debarred the use of speech, and obliged to act to the eyes only of the
+audience, this mimicry might be a necessary conveyance of his meaning;
+but when he is at liberty to signify his ideas by language, nothing can
+be more trivial, forced, unnatural, and antic, than this mummery. Not
+that I would exclude from the representation the graces of action,
+without which the choicest sentiments, clothed in the most exquisite
+expression, would appear unanimated and insipid; but these are as
+different from this ridiculous burlesque, as is the demeanour of a Tully
+in the rostrum, from the tricks of a Jack-pudding on a mountebank's
+stage. And, for the truth of what I allege, I appeal to the observation
+of any person who has considered the elegance of attitude and propriety
+of gesture, as they are universally acknowledged in the real characters
+of life. Indeed, I have known a Gascon, whose limbs were eloquent as
+his tongue: he never mentioned the word sleep without reclining his
+head upon his hand; when he had occasion to talk of a horse, he always
+started up and trotted across the room, except when he was so situated
+that he could not stir without incommoding the company, and in that case
+he contented himself with neighing aloud. If a dog happened to be the
+subject of his conversation, he wagged his tail, and grinned in a
+most significant manner; and one day he expressed his desire of going
+backwards with such natural imitation of his purpose, that everybody in
+the room firmly believed he had actually overshot himself, and fortified
+their nostrils accordingly. Yet no man ever looked upon this virtuoso to
+be the standard of propriety in point of speaking and deportment. For
+my own part, I confess the player in question would, by dint of these
+qualifications, make a very good figure in the character of Pantaloon's
+lacquey, in the entertainment of 'Perseus and Andromeda,' and perhaps
+might acquire some reputation, by turning 'the Revenge' into a
+pantomime; in which case, I would advise him to come upon the stage,
+provided with a handful of flour, in order to besmear his face when he
+pronounces 'pale and aghast,' etc.; and methinks he ought to illustrate
+the adder with a hideous hiss. But let us now come to the other
+situation, in which this modern Aesopus is supposed to distinguish
+himself so much--I mean that same eclaircissement comprehended in 'Know
+then, 'twas--I.' His manner, I own, may be altered since I was present
+at the representation of that performance; but certain I am, when I
+beheld him in that critical conjuncture, his behaviour appeared to me
+so uncouth, that I really imagined he was visited by some epileptic
+distemper; for he stood tottering and gasping for the space of two
+minutes, like a man suddenly struck with the palsy; and, after various
+distortions and side-shakings, as if he had got fleas in his doublet,
+heaved up from his lungs the letter I, like a huge anchor from foul
+ground."
+
+This criticism was acceptable to the majority of the college, who had
+no great veneration for the player in question; and his admirer, without
+making any reply, asked in a whisper, of the gentleman who sat next to
+him, if Pickle had not offered some production to the stage, and met
+with a repulse.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCV.
+
+
+
+The young Gentleman is introduced to a Virtuoso of the first Order, and
+commences Yelper.
+
+
+Hitherto Peregrine had professed himself an author, without reaping the
+fruits of that occupation, except the little fame he had acquired by
+his late satire; but now he thought it high time to weigh solid pudding
+against empty praise; and therefore engaged with some booksellers in
+a certain translation, which he obliged himself to perform for the
+consideration of two hundred pounds. The articles of agreement being
+drawn, he began his task with great eagerness, rose early in the morning
+to his work, at which he laboured all day long, went abroad with the
+bats in the evening, and appeared in the coffee-house, where he amused
+himself with the newspapers and conversation till nine o'clock; then he
+retired to his own apartment, and, after a slight repast, betook himself
+to rest, that he might be able to unroost with the cock. This sudden
+change from his former way of life agreed so ill with his disposition,
+that, for the first time, he was troubled with flatulencies and
+indigestion, which produced anxiety and dejection of spirits, and the
+nature of his situation began in some measure to discompose his brain; a
+discovery which he no sooner made, than he had recourse to the advice of
+a young physician, who was a member of the college of authors, at this
+time one of our hero's most intimate acquaintance.
+
+The son of Esculapius, having considered his case, imputed his disorder
+to the right cause, namely, want of exercise; dissuaded him from such
+close application to study, until he should be gradually familiarized
+to a sedentary life; advised him to enjoy his friend and his bottle in
+moderation, and wean himself from his former customs by degrees;
+and, above all things, to rise immediately after his first sleep, and
+exercise himself in a morning's walk. In order to render this last part
+of the prescription the more palatable, the doctor promised to attend
+him in these early excursions, and even to introduce him to a certain
+personage of note, who gave a sort of public breakfasting to the minor
+virtuosi of the age, and often employed his interest in behalf of those
+who properly cultivated his countenance and approbation.
+
+This proposal was extremely acceptable to our young gentleman, who,
+besides the advantage which might accrue to him from such a valuable
+connection, foresaw much entertainment and satisfaction in the discourse
+of so many learned guests. The occasions of his health and interest,
+moreover, coincided in another circumstance; the minister's levee being
+kept betimes in the morning, so that he could perform his walk, yield
+his attendance, and breakfast at this philosophical board, without
+encroaching a great deal upon his other avocations. Measures being thus
+preconcerted, the physician conducted our adventurer to the house of
+this celebrated sage, to whom he recommended him as a gentleman of
+genius and taste, who craved the honour of his acquaintance; but he
+had previously smoothed the way to his introduction, by representing
+Peregrine as a young fellow of great ambition, spirit, and address, who
+could not fail to make a figure in the world; that therefore he would be
+a creditable addition to the subordinates of such a patron, and by his
+qualifications, intrepidity, and warmth of temper, turn out a consummate
+herald of his fame. Upon these considerations, he met with a most
+engaging reception from the entertainer, who was a well-bred man, of
+some learning, generosity, and taste; but his foible was the desire of
+being thought the inimitable pattern of all three.
+
+It was with a view to acquire and support this character, that his
+house was open to all those who had any pretensions to literature;
+consequently he was surrounded by a strange variety of pretenders; but
+none were discouraged, because he knew that even the most insignificant
+might, in some shape, conduce to the propagation of his praise. A
+babbler, though he cannot run upon the scent, may spring the game, and,
+by his yelping, help to fill up the cry. No wonder, then, that a youth
+of Pickle's accomplishments was admitted and even invited into the pack.
+After having enjoyed a very short private audience in the closet, our
+young gentleman was shown into another room, where half a dozen of his
+fellow-adherents waited for the Maecenas, who in a few minutes appeared,
+with a most gracious aspect, received the compliments of the morning,
+and sat down to breakfast, in the midst of them, without any further
+ceremony.
+
+The conversation at first turned upon the weather, which was
+investigated in a very philosophical manner by one of the company, who
+seemed to have consulted all the barometers and thermometers that ever
+were invented, before he would venture to affirm that it was a chill
+morning. This subject being accurately discussed, the chief inquired
+about the news of the learned world; and his inclination was no sooner
+expressed than every guest opened his mouth, in order to ratify his
+curiosity. But he that first captivated his attention was a meagre,
+shrivelled antiquary, who looked like an animated mummy, which had been
+scorched among the sands of the desert. He told the patron, that he had,
+by accident, met with a medal, which, though it was defaced by time, he
+would venture to pronounce a genuine antique, from the ringing and taste
+of the metal, as well as from the colour and composition of the rust. So
+saying, he produced a piece of copper coin, so consumed and disguised
+by age, that scarce a vestige of the impression was to be perceived.
+Nevertheless, this connoisseur pretended to distinguish a face in
+profile, from which he concluded that the piece was of the Upper Empire,
+and on the reverse he endeavoured to point out the bulb of the spear,
+and part of the parazonium, which were the insignia of the Roman Virtus,
+together with the fragment of one fold of the multicium in which she was
+clothed. He likewise had discovered an angle of the letter N, and, at
+some distance, an entire I; from these circumstances conjecturing, and
+indeed concluding, that the medal was struck by Severus, in honour of
+the victory he obtained over his rival Niger, after he had forced the
+passes of Mount Taurus. This criticism seemed very satisfactory to
+the entertainer, who, having examined the coin by the help of his
+spectacles, plainly discerned the particulars which the owner had
+mentioned, and was pleased to term his account of the matter a very
+ingenious explanation.
+
+The curiosity was circulated through the hands of all present, and every
+virtuoso, in his turn, licked the copper, and rung it upon the hearth,
+declaring his assent to the judgment which had been pronounced. At
+length it fell under the inspection of our young gentleman, who, though
+no antiquarian, was very well acquainted with the current coin of his
+own country, and no sooner cast his eyes upon the valuable antique, than
+he affirmed, without hesitation, that it was no other than the ruins of
+an English farthing, and that same spear, parazonium, and multicium, the
+remains of the emblems and drapery with which the figure of Britannia
+is delineated on our copper money. This hardy asseveration seemed to
+disconcert the patron while it incensed the medallist, who, grinning
+like an enraged baboon, "What d'ye tell me of a brass farthing?" said
+he. "Did you ever know modern brass of such a relish? Do but taste it,
+young gentleman; and sure I am, if you have ever been conversant with
+subjects of this kind, you will find as wide a difference in the savour
+between this and an English farthing as can possibly be perceived
+betwixt an onion and a turnip. Besides, this medal has the true
+Corinthian ring; then the attitude is upright, whereas that of Britannia
+is reclining; and how is it possible to mistake a branch of palm for a
+parazonium?"
+
+All the rest of the company espoused the virtuoso's side of the
+question, because the reputation of each was concerned. The patron,
+finding himself in the same circumstance, assumed a solemnity of
+feature, dashed with a small mixture of displeasure, and told Peregrine,
+that as he had not made that branch of literature his particular
+study, he was not surprised to see him mistaken in his opinion. Pickle
+immediately understood the reproof, though he was shocked at the vanity
+or infatuation of his entertainer and fellow-guests; asked pardon for
+his presumption, which was accordingly excused, in consideration of his
+inexperience; and the English farthing was dignified with the title of a
+true antique.
+
+The next person that addressed himself to the chief was a gentleman of a
+very mathematical turn, who valued himself upon the improvements he had
+made in several domestic machines, and now presented the plan of a new
+contrivance for cutting cabbages, in such a manner as would secure the
+stock against the rotting rain, and enable it to produce a plenteous
+aftercrop of delicious sprouts. In this important machine he had united
+the whole mechanic powers, with such massy complication of iron and
+wood, that it could not have been moved without the assistance of
+a horse, and a road made for the convenience of the draught. These
+objections were so obvious, that they occurred at first sight to the
+inspector-general, who greatly commended the invention, which, he
+observed, might be applied to several other useful purposes, could it
+once be rendered a little more portable and commodious.
+
+The inventor, who had not foreseen these difficulties, was not prepared
+to surmount them; but he took the hint in good part, and promised to
+task his abilities anew, in altering the construction of his design. Not
+but that he underwent some severe irony from the rest of the virtuosi,
+who complimented him upon the momentous improvement he had made, by
+which a family might save a dish of greens in a quarter, for so trifling
+an expense as that of purchasing, working, and maintaining such a
+stupendous machine; but no man was ever more sarcastic in his remarks
+upon this piece of mechanism than the naturalist, who next appealed to
+the patron's approbation for a curious disposition he had made touching
+the procreation of muck-flies, in which he had laid down a curious
+method of collecting, preserving, and hatching the eggs of these
+insects, even in the winter, by certain modifications of artificial
+heat. The nature of this discovery was no sooner communicated, than
+Peregrine, unable to contain himself, was seized with a fit of laughter,
+which infected every person at the table, the landlord himself not
+excepted, who found it impossible to preserve his wonted gravity of
+face.
+
+Such unmannerly mirth did not fail to mortify the philosopher, who,
+after some pause, during which indignation and disdain were painted in
+his countenance, reprehended our young gentleman for his unphilosophical
+behaviour, and undertook to prove, that the subject of his inquiry
+was of infinite consequence to the progress and increase of natural
+knowledge. But he found no quarter from the vengeful engineer, who now
+retorted his ironical compliments, with great emphasis, upon this hotbed
+for the generation of vermin, and advised him to lay the whole process
+before the Royal Society, which would, doubtless, present him with a
+medal, and give him a place among their memoirs, as a distinguished
+promoter of the useful arts. "If," said he, "you had employed your
+studies in finding out some effectual method to destroy those insects
+which prejudice and annoy mankind, in all probability you must have
+been contented with the contemplation of the good you had done; but this
+curious expedient for multiplying maggots will surely entitle you to an
+honourable rank in the list of learned philosophers."--"I don't wonder,"
+replied the naturalist, "that you should be so much averse to the
+propagation of insects, because, in all likelihood, you are afraid that
+they will not leave you a cabbage to cut down with the same miraculous
+machine."--"Sir," answered the mechanic, with great bitterness of
+voice and aspect, "if the cabbage be as light-headed as some muck-worm
+philosophers, it will not be worth cutting down."--"I never dispute
+upon cabbage with the son of a cucumber," said the fly-breeder, alluding
+to the pedigree of his antagonist; who, impatient of the affront,
+started up with fury in his looks, exclaiming, "'Sdeath! meaning me,
+sir?"
+
+Here the patron, perceiving things drawing towards a rupture, interposed
+his authority, rebuking them for their intemperance and recommending
+to them amity and concord against the Goths and Vandals of the age, who
+took all opportunities of ridiculing and discouraging the adherents of
+knowledge and philosophy. After this exhortation, they had no pretence
+for carrying on the dispute, which was dropped in all appearance, though
+the mechanic still retained his resentment; and after breakfast, when
+the company broke up, accosted his adversary in the street, desiring to
+know how he durst be so insolent as to make that scurrilous reflection
+upon his family. The fly-fancier, thus questioned, accused the
+mathematician of having been the aggressor, in likening his head to
+a light cabbage; and here the altercation being renewed, the engineer
+proceeded to the illustration of his mechanics, tilting up his hand
+like a balance, thrusting it forward by way of lever, embracing the
+naturalist's nose like a wedge betwixt two of his fingers, and turning
+it round, with the momentum of a screw or peritrochium. Had they been
+obliged to decide the dispute with equal arms, the assailant would have
+had great advantage over the other, who was very much his inferior in
+muscular strength; but the philosopher being luckily provided with a
+cane, no sooner disengaged himself from this opprobrious application,
+than he handled his weapon with great dexterity about the head and
+shoulders of his antagonist, who, finding this shower of blows very
+disagreeable, was fain to betake himself to his heels for shelter, and
+was pursued by the angry victor, who chased him from one end of
+the street to the other, affording unspeakable satisfaction to the
+multitude, as well as to our hero and to his introductor, who were
+spectators of the whole scene.
+
+Thus was our adventurer initiated into the society of Yelpers, though
+he did not as yet fully understand the nature of his office, which was
+explained by the young physician, who chid him for his blunt behaviour
+in the case of the medal; and gave him to understand, that their
+patron's favour was neither to be gained nor preserved by any man that
+would pretend to convict him of a mistake. He therefore counselled him
+to respect this foible, and cultivate the old gentleman with all the
+zeal and veneration which a regard to his own character would permit him
+to say. This task was the easier to one of our young gentleman's pliant
+disposition, because the virtuoso's behaviour was absolutely free from
+that insolent self-conceit, which he could not bear without disgust. The
+senior was, on the contrary, mild and beneficent; and Pickle was rather
+pleased than shocked at his weakness; because it flattered his vanity
+with the supposition of his own superior sense. Cautioned in this
+manner, Peregrine profited so much by his insinuating qualifications,
+that, in a very little time, he was looked upon as one of the chief
+favourites of the patron, to whom he dedicated a small occasional poem;
+and everybody believed he would reap the fruits of his attachment among
+the first of the old gentleman's dependents.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCVI.
+
+
+
+Peregrine, finding himself neglected by Sir Steady Steerwell,
+expostulates with him in a Letter; in consequence of which he is forbid
+his House, loses his Pension, and incurs the charge of Lunacy.
+
+
+This prospect of success, together with his expectations from the
+minister, whom he did not neglect, helped to comfort him under the
+reverse of fortune which he had undergone, and the uncertainty of the
+lawsuit, which he still maintained for the recovery of his ten thousand
+pounds. The lawyers, indeed, continued to drain his pocket of money,
+while they filled his brain with unsubstantial hope; and he was actually
+obliged to borrow money from his bookseller, on the strength of the
+translation, in order to satisfy the demands of those ravenous harpies,
+rather than lay the misanthrope under any difficulties, or have recourse
+to his friend Hatchway, who lived at the garrison, entirely ignorant
+of his distress. This was not at all alleviated by the arrival of the
+Indiaman, in which he had ventured seven hundred pounds, as we have
+already observed; for he was given to understand, that the borrower was
+left dangerously ill at Bombay when the ship sailed, and that his chance
+for retrieving his money was extremely slender.
+
+So situated, it is not to be supposed that he led a life of tranquility,
+though he made a shift to struggle with the remonstrances of misfortune.
+Yet such a gush of affliction would sometimes rush upon his thought, as
+overwhelmed all the ideas of his hope, and sunk him to the very bottom
+of despondence. Every equipage that passed him in the street, every
+person of rank and fortune that occurred to his view, recalled the gay
+images of his former life, with such mortifying reflection as stabbed
+him to the very soul. He lived, therefore, incessantly exposed to all
+the pangs of envy and disquiet. When I say envy, I do not mean that
+sordid passion, in consequence of which a man repines at his neighbour's
+success, howsoever deserved: but that self-tormenting indignation which
+is inspired by the prosperity of folly, ignorance, and vice. Without the
+intervening gleams of enjoyment, which he felt in the conversation of a
+few friends, he could not have supported his existence; or, at least,
+he must have suffered some violent discomposure of the brain. But one
+is still finding some circumstance of alleviation, even in the worst of
+conjunctures, and Pickle was so ingenious in these researches, that he
+maintained a good battle with disappointment, till the revolution of the
+term at which he had received his pension of three hundred pounds.
+
+However, seeing the day elapse without touching his allowance,
+notwithstanding his significant method of presenting himself at the
+minister's levee, when the year was expired, he wrote a letter to Sir
+Steady, reminding him of his situation and promise, and giving him to
+understand, that his occasions were such as compelled him to demand
+his salary for the ensuing year. In the morning after this letter was
+conveyed, the author went to his honour's house, in expectation of being
+admitted by particular order; but was mistaken in his hope, the minister
+not being visible. He then made his appearance at the levee, in hopes
+of being closeted; but, though he took all opportunities of watching Sir
+Steady's eyes, he could not obtain one glance, and had the pleasure of
+seeing him retire, without being favoured with the least notice. These
+circumstances of wilful neglect were not over and above agreeable to our
+young hero, who, in the agonies of vexation and resentment, went
+home, and composed a most acrimonious remonstrance to his honour; in
+consequence of which he was not only deprived of all pretensions to a
+private audience, but expressly denied admittance on a public day, by
+Sir Steady's own order.
+
+This prohibition, which announced his total ruin, filled him with rage,
+horror, and despair. He insulted the porter who signified the minister's
+command, threatening to chastise him upon the spot for his presumption,
+and vented the most virulent imprecations upon his master, to the
+astonishment of those who chanced to enter during this conference.
+Having exhausted himself in these vain exclamations, he returned to his
+lodgings in a most frantic condition, biting his lips so that the blood
+ran from his mouth, dashing his head and fists against the sides of his
+chimney, and weeping with the most bitter expressions of woe. Pipes,
+whose perception had been just sufficient to let him see that there was
+some difference between the present and former situation of his master,
+overhearing his transports, essayed to enter his apartment, with a
+view of administering consolation; and, finding the door locked on the
+inside, desired admittance, protesting, that otherwise he would down
+with the bulkhead in the turning of a handspike. Peregrine ordered him
+to retire, on pain of his displeasure, and swore, that if he should
+offer to break open the door, he would instantly shoot him through
+the head. Tom, without paying the least regard to this injunction, set
+himself at work immediately. His master, exasperated at his want of
+reverence and respect, which in his present paroxysm appeared with the
+most provoking aggravation, flew into his closet, and snatching up
+one of his pistols already loaded, no sooner saw his valet enter the
+apartment, in consequence of having forced the lock, than he presented
+it full at his face, and drew the trigger. Happily the priming flashed
+in the pan, without communicating with the charge; so that his furious
+purpose did not take effect upon the countenance of honest Pipes, who,
+disregardful of the attempt, though he knew the contents of the piece,
+asked, without the least alteration of feature, if it must be foul
+weather through the whole voyage.
+
+Peregrine, mad as he was, repented of his mischievous intent against
+such a faithful adherent, in the very moment of execution; and had it
+proved fatal, according to the design, in all probability he would have
+applied another to his own head. There are certain considerations that
+strike upon the mind with irresistible force, even in the midst of
+its distraction; the momentary recollection of some particular scene,
+occasioned by the features of the devoted victim, hath often struck the
+dagger from the assassin's hand. By such an impulse was Pipes protected
+from any repeated effort of his master's rage; the friendly cause of his
+present disobedience flashed upon the conviction of Peregrine, when he
+beheld the rugged front of his valet, in which also stood disclosed
+his long and faithful service together with the recommendation of the
+deceased commodore. Though his wrath was immediately suppressed, and his
+heart torn with remorse for what he had done, his brows remained
+still contracted, and darting a most ferocious regard at the intruder,
+"Villain!" said he, "how dare you treat me with such disrespect?"
+
+"Why shouldn't I lend a hand for the preservation of the ship," answered
+the unruffled Pipes, "when there is more sail than ballast aboard, and
+the pilot quits the helm in despair? What signifies one or two broken
+voyages, so long as our timbers are strong, and our vessel in good trim?
+If she loses upon one tack, mayhap she may gain upon t'other; and I'll
+be d--d, if one day or other we don't fetch up our leeway. As for the
+matter of provision, you have started a pretty good stock of money into
+my hold, and you are welcome to hoist it up again when you wool."
+
+Here Tom was interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Crabtree, who seeing
+Peregrine with a pistol in his hand, and such wild disorder in his
+looks, his head, hands, and mouth besmeared with blood, and, moreover,
+smelling the gunpowder which had been burnt, actually believed he had
+either committed, or was bent upon murder, and accordingly retreated
+down-stairs with infinite despatch. All his speed could not convey him
+without the reach of Pipes, who, overtaking him in his passage, carried
+him back into his master's apartment, observing by the way, that
+this was no time to sheer off, when his consort stood in need of his
+assistance.
+
+There was something so ruefully severe in the countenance of
+Cadwallader, thus compelled, that, at any other time, our hero would
+have laughed at his concern; but at the present there was nothing
+risible in his disposition. He had, however, laid aside his pistol, and
+endeavoured, though in vain, to compose his internal disturbance; for
+he could not utter one syllable to the misanthrope, but stood staring
+at him in silence, with a most delirious aspect. This did not tend
+to dispel the dismay of his friend, who, after some recollection, "I
+wonder," said he, "that you have never killed your man before. Pray how
+may you have disposed of the body?" Pickle having recovered the
+faculty of speech, ordered his lacquey out of the room, and, in a most
+incoherent detail, made Crabtree acquainted with the perfidious conduct
+of the minister.
+
+The confidant was very glad to find his fears disappointed; for he had
+really concluded that some life was lost. Perceiving the youth too much
+agitated to be treated by him in his usual style, he owned that Sir
+Steady was a rascal, and encouraged Pickle with the hope of being one
+day able to make reprisals upon him; in the mean time offered him
+money for his immediate occasions, exhorted him to exert his own
+qualifications in rendering himself independent of such miscreants, and
+finally counselled him to represent his wrongs to the nobleman whom he
+had formerly obliged, with a view of interesting that peer in his behalf
+or at least of obtaining a satisfactory explanation from the minister,
+that he might take no premature measures of revenge.
+
+These admonitions were so much milder and more agreeable than our hero
+expected from the misanthrope, that they had a very favourable effect
+upon his transports, which gradually subsided, until he became so
+tractable as to promise that he would conform to his advice; in
+consequence of which, he next morning waited upon his lordship, who
+received him very politely, as usual, and with great patience heard his
+complaint, which, by the bye, he could not repeat without some hasty
+ebullitions of passionate resentment. This peer, after having gently
+disapproved of the letter of expostulation, which had produced such
+unfortunate effects, kindly undertook to recommend his case to the
+minister, and actually performed his promise that same day, when Sir
+Steady informed him, to his utter astonishment, that the poor young
+gentleman was disordered in his brain, so that he could not possibly be
+provided for in a place of importance, with any regard to the service;
+and it could not be expected that he (Sir Steady) would support his
+extravagance from his own private purse; that he had, indeed at the
+solicitation of a nobleman deceased, made him a present of three
+hundred pounds, in consideration of some loss that he pretended to have
+sustained in an election; but, since that time, had perceived in him
+such indisputable marks of lunacy, both by his distracted letters and
+personal behaviour, as obliged him to give order that he should not be
+admitted into the house. To corroborate this assertion, the minister
+actually called in the evidence of his own porter, and one of the
+gentlemen of his household, who had heard the execrations that escaped
+our youth, when he first found himself excluded. In short, the nobleman
+was convinced that Peregrine was certainly and bona fide mad as a March
+hare; and, by the help of this intimation, began to recollect some
+symptoms of distraction which appeared in his last visit; he remembered
+a certain incoherence in his speech, a violence of gesture and wildness
+of look, that now evidently denoted a disturbed understanding; and he
+determined, for his own credit and security, to disentangle himself from
+such a dangerous acquaintance.
+
+With this view, he, in imitation of Sir Steady, commanded his gate to be
+shut against our adventurer; so that, when he went to know the result of
+his lordship's conference with the minister, the door was flung in his
+face, and the janitor told him through an iron grate, that he needed not
+to give himself the trouble of calling again, for his lord desired to
+be excused from seeing him. He spoke not a word in answer to this
+declaration, which he immediately imputed to the ill offices of the
+minister, against whom he breathed defiance and revenge, in his way to
+the lodgings of Cadwallader; who, being made acquainted with the manner
+of his reception, begged he would desist from all schemes of vengeance,
+until he, Crabtree, should be able to unriddle the mystery of the whole,
+which he did not doubt of unveiling by means of his acquaintance with a
+family in which his lordship often spent the evening at whist.
+
+It was not long before he had the desired opportunity: the nobleman
+being under no injunctions or obligation to keep the affair secret,
+discovered the young gentleman's misfortune, by way of news, to the
+first company in which he happened to be; and Peregrine's name was not
+so obscure in the fashionable world, but that his disorder became the
+general topic of conversation for a day; so that his friend soon partook
+of the intelligence, and found means to learn the particulars of the
+minister's information, as above related. Nay, he was in danger of
+becoming a proselyte to Sir Steady's opinion, when he recalled and
+compared every circumstance which he knew of Pickle's impatience and
+impetuosity. Indeed, nothing more easily gains credit than an imputation
+of madness fixed upon any person whatsoever: for when the suspicion of
+the world is roused, and its observation once set at work, the wisest,
+the coolest man upon earth, will, by some particulars in his behaviour,
+convict himself of the charge: every singularity in his dress and manner
+(and such are observable in every person), that before passed unheeded,
+now rises up in judgment against him, with all the exaggeration of the
+observer's fancy; and the sagacious examiner perceives distraction in
+every glance of the eye, turn of the finger, and motion of the head.
+When he speaks, there is a strange peculiarity in his argument and
+expression; when he holds his tongue, his imagination teems with some
+extravagant reverie; his sobriety of demeanour is no other than a lucid
+interval, and his passion mere delirium.
+
+If people of the most sedate and insipid life and conversation are
+subject to such criticisms, no wonder that they should take place upon a
+youth of Peregrine's fiery disposition, which, on some occasions, would
+have actually justified any remarks of this kind, which his greatest
+enemies could make. He was accordingly represented as one of those
+enterprising bucks, who, after having spent their fortunes in riot and
+excess, are happily bereft of their understanding, and consequently
+insensible of the want and disgrace which they have entailed upon
+themselves, Cadwallader himself was so much affected with the report,
+that for some time he hesitated in his deliberations upon our hero,
+before he could prevail upon himself to communicate to him the
+information he had received, or to treat him in other respects as a
+man of sound intellects. At length, however, he ventured to make Pickle
+acquainted with the particulars he had learned, imparting them with such
+caution and circumlocution, as he thought necessary to prevent the young
+gentleman from transgressing all bounds of temper and moderation; but,
+for once, he was agreeably deceived in his prognostic. Incensed as our
+hero was at the conduct of the minister, he could not help laughing at
+the ridiculous aspersion, which he told his friend he would soon refute
+in a manner that should not be very agreeable to his calumniator,
+observing, that it was a common practice with the state pilot, thus to
+slander those people to whom he lay under obligations which he had no
+mind to discharge. "True it is," said Peregrine "he has succeeded more
+than once in contrivances of this kind, having actually reduced divers
+people of weak heads to such extremity of despair, as hath issued in
+downright distraction, whereby he was rid of their importunities, and
+his judgment confirmed at the same time. But I have now, thank Heaven,
+attained to such a pitch of philosophical resolution, as will support me
+against all his machinations; and I will forthwith exhibit the
+monster to the public, in his true lineaments of craft, perfidy, and
+ingratitude."
+
+This indeed was the plan with which Mr. Pickle had amused himself during
+the researches of Crabtree; and by this time it so effectually flattered
+his imagination, that he believed he should be able to bring his
+adversary, in spite of all his power, to his own terms of submission, by
+distinguishing himself in the list of those who, at that period, wrote
+against the administration. Nor was this scheme so extravagant as it
+may seem to be, had not he overlooked one material circumstance, which
+Cadwallader himself did not recollect, when he approved of this project.
+
+While he thus meditated vengeance, the fame of his disorder, in due
+course of circulation, reached the ears of that lady of quality whose
+memoirs have already appeared in these adventures. The correspondence
+with which she had honoured our hero had been long broke off for the
+reason already advanced, namely, his dread of being exposed to her
+infatuating charms. He had been candid enough to make her acquainted
+with the cause of exiling himself from her presence; and she admitted
+the prudence of self-restraint, although she would have very well
+satisfied with the continuance of his intimacy and conversation,
+which were not at all beneath the desire of any lady in the kingdom.
+Notwithstanding this interruption, she still retained a friendship and
+regard for his character, and felt all the affliction of a humane heart,
+at the news of his misfortunes and deplorable distemper. She had seen
+him courted and cultivated in the sunshine of his prosperity; but she
+knew, from sad experience, how all those insect-followers shrink away in
+the winter of distress. Her compassion represented him as a poor unhappy
+lunatic, destitute of all the necessaries of life, dragging about the
+ruins of human nature, and exhibiting the spectacle of blasted youth
+to the scorn and abhorrence of his fellow-creatures. Aching with these
+charitable considerations, she found means to learn in what part of the
+town he lodged and, laying aside all superfluous ceremony, went in a
+hackney-chair to his door, which was opened by the ever-faithful Pipes.
+
+Her ladyship immediately recollected the features of his trusty
+follower, whom she could not help loving in her heart for his attachment
+and fidelity, which after she had applauded with a most gracious
+commendation, she kindly inquired after the state of his master's
+health, and asked if he was in a condition to be seen. Tom, who could
+not suppose that the visit of a fine lady would be unacceptable to a
+youth of Peregrine's complexion, made no verbal reply to the question;
+but beckoning her ladyship with an arch significance of feature, at
+which she could not forbear smiling, walked softly up-stairs; and she,
+in obedience to the signal, followed her guide into the apartment of our
+hero, whom she found at a writing-table, in the very act of composing
+a eulogium upon his good friend Sir Steady. The nature of his work had
+animated his countenance with an uncommon degree of vivacity; and being
+dressed in a neat deshabille, his figure could not have appeared to more
+advantage in the eye of a person who despised the tinsel of unnecessary
+ornament. She was extremely well pleased to see her expectations so
+agreeably disappointed; for, instead of the squalid circumstances and
+wretched looks attending indigence and distraction, everything was
+decent and genteel; and the patient's aspect such as betokened internal
+satisfaction. Hearing the rustling of silk in his room, he lifted up
+his eyes from the paper, and, seeing her ladyship, was struck
+with astonishment and awe, as at the unexpected apparition of some
+supernatural being.
+
+Before he could recollect himself from his confusion, which called
+the blood into his cheeks, she told him that, on the strength of old
+acquaintance, she was come to visit him, though it was a long time since
+he had given her good reason to believe he had absolutely forgot that
+there was such a person as she in being. After having made the most warm
+acknowledgments for this unforeseen honour, he assured her ladyship that
+the subject of her reproach was not his fault, but rather his very
+great misfortune; and that, if it had been in his power to forget her so
+easily as she seemed to imagine, he should never have given her cause to
+tax him with want of duty and respect.
+
+Still dubious of his situation, she began to converse with him
+on different subjects; and he acquitted himself so well in every
+particular, that she no longer doubted his having been misrepresented by
+the malice of his enemies, and candidly told him the cause and intent
+of her coming. He was not deficient in expressions of gratitude for this
+instance of her generosity and friendship, which even drew tears from
+his eyes. As to the imputation of madness, he explained it so much to
+her ladyship's satisfaction, that she evidently perceived he had been
+barbarously dealt with, and that the charge was no other than a most
+villainous aspersion. Notwithstanding all his endeavours to conceal
+the true state of his finances, it was impossible for him to give this
+detail, without disclosing some of the difficulties under which he
+laboured; and, her ladyship's sagacity divining the rest, she not only
+made him a tender of assistance, but, presenting a bank-note for a
+considerable sum, insisted upon his acceptance of it as a trifling mark
+of her esteem, and a specimen of what she was inclined to do in his
+behalf. But this mark of her benevolence he would by no means receive;
+assuring her, that, though his affairs were at present a little
+perplexed, he had never felt the least circumstance of distress,
+and begging that she would not subject him to the burden of such an
+unnecessary obligation.
+
+Being obliged to put up with this refusal she protested she would never
+forgive him should she ever hear that he rejected her offer when he
+stood in need of her aid; or if, in any time to come, he should not
+apply to her friendship, if ever he should find himself incommoded in
+point of fortune. "An overdelicacy in this respect," said she, "I shall
+look upon as a disapprobation of my own conduct; because I myself have
+been obliged to have recourse to my friends in such emergencies." These
+generous remonstrances and marks of particular friendship could not
+fail to make a deep impression upon the heart of our hero, which still
+smarted from the former impulse of her charms; he not only felt all
+those transports which a man of honour and sensibility may be supposed
+to feel upon such an occasion, but the sentiments of a more tender
+passion awaking in his breast, he could not help expressing himself in
+terms adapted to the emotion of his soul; and, at length, plainly told
+her, that, were he disposed to be a beggar, he would ask something of
+infinitely more importance to his peace than the charitable assistance
+she had proffered. Her ladyship had too much penetration to mistake his
+meaning; but, as she did not choose to encourage his advances, pretended
+to interpret his intimation into a general compliment of gallantry, and,
+in a jocose manner, desired he would not give her any reason to believe
+his lucid interval was past. "In faith, my lady," said he, "I perceive
+the fit coming on; and I don't see why I may not use the privilege of
+my distemper, so far as to declare myself one of your most passionate
+admirers."--"If you do," replied her ladyship, "I shall not be fool
+enough to believe a madman, unless I were assured that your disorder
+proceeded from your love; and that this was the case, I suppose you will
+find it difficult to prove."--"Nay, madam," cried the youth, "I have in
+this drawer what will convince you of my having been mad on that strain;
+and, since you doubt my pretension, you must give me leave to produce
+my testimonials." So saying, he opened an escrutoire, and taking out a
+paper, presented her with the following song, which he had written
+in her praise, immediately after he was made acquainted with the
+particulars of her story:
+
+                       I.
+     While with fond rapture and amaze,
+     On thy transcendent charms I gaze,
+     My cautious soul essays in vain
+     Her peace and freedom to maintain;
+     yet let that blooming form divine,
+     Where grace and harmony combine;
+     Those eyes, like genial orbs that move,
+     Dispensing gladness, joy, and love;
+     in all their pomp assail my view,
+     Intent my bosom to subdue;
+     My breast, by wary maxims steel'd,
+     Not all those charms shall force to yield.
+
+                       II.
+     But, when invok'd to Beauty's aid,
+     I see the enlighten'd soul display'd,
+     That soul so sensibly sedate
+     Amid the storms of froward fate!
+     Thy genius active, strong, and clear,
+     Thy wit sublime, though not severe,
+     The social ardour, void of art,
+     That glows within thy candid heart;
+     My spirits, sense, and strength decay,
+     My resolution dies away,
+     And, every faculty oppress'd,
+     Almighty love invades my breast!
+
+Her ladyship having perused this production, "Were I inclined to
+be suspicious," said she, "I should believe that I had no share in
+producing this composition, which seems to have been inspired by a much
+more amiable object. However, I will take your word for your intention,
+and thank you for the unmerited compliment, though I have met with it
+in such an accidental manner. Nevertheless, I must be so free as to tell
+you, it is now high time for you to contract that unbounded spirit of
+gallantry, which you have indulged so long, into a sincere attachment
+for the fair Emilia, who, by all accounts, deserves the whole of your
+attention and regard." His nerves thrilled at mention of that name,
+which he never heard pronounced without agitation. Rather than undergo
+the consequence of a conversation upon this subject, he chose to drop
+the theme of love altogether, and industriously introduced some other
+topic of discourse.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCVII.
+
+
+
+He writes against the Minister, by whose Instigation he is arrested, and
+moves himself by habeas corpus into the Fleet.
+
+
+My lady having prolonged her stay beyond the period of a common visit,
+and repeated her protestations in the most frank and obliging manner,
+took her leave of our adventurer, who promised to pay his respects to
+her in a few days at her own house. Meanwhile, he resumed his task; and
+having finished a most severe remonstrance against Sir Steady, not
+only with regard to his private ingratitude, but also to his
+maladministration of public affairs, he sent it to the author of a
+weekly paper, who had been long a professed reformer in politics, and it
+appeared in a very few days, with a note of the publisher, desiring the
+favour of further correspondence with the author.
+
+The animadversions contained in this small essay were so spirited and
+judicious, and a great many new lights thrown upon the subject with such
+perspicuity, as attracted the notice of the public in an extraordinary
+manner, and helped to raise the character of the paper in which it was
+inserted. The minister was not the last who examined the performance,
+which, in spite of all his boasted temper, provoked him to such a
+degree, that he set his emissaries at work, and by dint of corruption,
+procured a sight of the manuscript in Peregrine's own handwriting, which
+he immediately recognised; but, for further confirmation of his opinion,
+he compared it with the two letters which he had received from our
+adventurer. Had he known the young gentleman's talents for declamation
+were so acute, perhaps he would never have given him cause to complain,
+but employed him in the vindication of his own measures; nay, he might
+still have treated him like some other authors whom he had brought over
+from the opposition, had not the keenness of this first assault
+incensed him to a desire of revenge. He, therefore, no sooner made
+this discovery, than he conveyed his directions to his dependent, the
+receiver-general, who was possessed of Pickle's notes. Next day, while
+our author stood within a circle of his acquaintance, at a certain
+coffee-house, holding forth with great eloquence upon the diseases of
+the state, he was accosted by a bailiff, who, entering the room with
+five or six followers, told him aloud that he had a writ against him for
+twelve hundred pounds, at the suit of Mr. Ravage Gleanum.
+
+The whole company were astonished at this address, which did not fail to
+discompose the defendant himself, who, as it were instinctively, in the
+midst of his confusion, saluted the officer across the head with
+his cane; in consequence of which application, he was surrounded and
+disarmed in an instant by the gang, who carried him off to the next
+tavern in the most opprobrious manner. Nor did one of the spectators
+interpose in his behalf, or visit him in his confinement with the
+least tender of advice or assistance; such is the zeal of coffee-house
+friendship. This stroke was the more severe upon our hero, as it was
+altogether unexpected; for he had utterly forgot the debt for which
+he was arrested. His present indignation was, however, chiefly kindled
+against the bailiff, who had done his office in such a disrespectful
+manner; and the first use he made of his recollection in the house to
+which they conducted him, was to chastise him for the insolence and
+indecency of his behaviour. This task he performed with his bare fists,
+every other weapon being previously conveyed out of his reach; and
+the delinquent underwent his discipline with surprising patience and
+resignation, asking pardon with great humility, and protesting before
+God, that he had never willingly and wittingly used any gentleman with
+ill manners, but had been commanded to arrest our adventurer according
+to the express direction of the creditor, on pain of forfeiting his
+place.
+
+By this declaration Peregrine was appeased, and, out of a delirium of
+passion, waked to all the horrors of reflection. All the glory of his
+youth was now eclipsed, all the blossoms of his hope were blasted,
+and he saw himself doomed to the miseries of a jail, without the least
+prospect of enlargement, except in the issue of his lawsuit, of which he
+had, for some time past, grown less and less confident every day. What
+would become of the unfortunate, if the constitution of the mind did
+not permit them to bring one passion into the field against another?
+passions that operate in the human breast, like poisons of a different
+nature, extinguishing each other's effect. Our hero's grief reigned in
+full despotism, until it was deposed by revenge, during the predominancy
+of which he considered everything which had happened as a circumstance
+conducive to its gratification. "If I must be prisoner for life," said
+he to himself, "if I must relinquish all my gay expectations, let me at
+least have the satisfaction of clanking my chains so as to interrupt
+the repose of my adversary; and let me search in my own breast for that
+peace and contentment, which I have not been able to find in all the
+scenes of my success. In being detached from the world, I shall be
+delivered from folly and ingratitude, as well as exempted from
+an expense, which I should have found it very difficult, if not
+impracticable, to support; I shall have little or no temptation
+to misspend my time, and more undisturbed opportunity to earn my
+subsistence, and prosecute revenge. After all, a jail is the best tub to
+which a cynic philosopher can retire."
+
+In consequence of these comfortable reflections, he sent a letter to Mr.
+Crabtree, with an account of his misfortune, signifying his resolution
+to move himself immediately into the Fleet, and desiring that he would
+send him some understanding attorney of his acquaintance, who would
+direct him into the steps necessary to be taken for that purpose. The
+misanthrope, upon the receipt of this intimation, sent in person to a
+lawyer, whom he accompanied to the spunging-house whither the prisoner
+had by this time retired. Peregrine was, under the auspices of his
+director, conducted to the judges' chamber, where he was left in the
+custody of a tipstaff; and, after having paid for a warrant of habeas
+corpus, by him conveyed to the Fleet, and delivered to the care of the
+warden.
+
+Here he was introduced to the lodge, in which he was obliged to
+expose himself a full half-hour to the eyes of all the turnkeys and
+door-keepers, who took an accurate survey of his person, that they might
+know him again at first sight; and then he was turned loose into the
+place called the master's side, having given a valuable consideration
+for that privilege. This is a large range of building, containing some
+hundreds of lodging-rooms for the convenience of the prisoners, who pay
+so much per week for that accommodation. In short, this community is
+like a city detached from all communication with the neighbouring parts,
+regulated by its own laws, and furnished with peculiar conveniences for
+the use of the inhabitants. There is a coffee-house for the resort of
+gentlemen, in which all sorts of liquors are kept, and a public kitchen,
+where any quantity of meat is sold at a very reasonable rate, or any
+kind of provision boiled and roasted gratis, for the poor prisoners.
+Nay, there are certain servants of the public, who are obliged to go to
+market, at the pleasure of individuals, without fee or reward from those
+who employ them. Nor are they cooped up, so as to be excluded from
+the benefit of fresh air, there being an open area, of a considerable
+extent, adjacent to the building, on which they may exercise themselves
+in walking, skittles, bowls, and a variety of other diversions,
+according to the inclination of each.
+
+Our adventurer being admitted a denizen of this community, found himself
+bewildered in the midst of strangers, who, by their appearance, did not
+at all prepossess him in their favour; and, after having strolled about
+the place with his friend Cadwallader, repaired to the coffee-house,
+in order to be further informed of the peculiar customs which it was
+necessary for him to know. There, while he endeavoured to pick up
+intelligence from the bar-keeper, he was accosted by a person in
+canonicals, who very civilly asked if he was a new-comer. Being answered
+in the affirmative, he gave him the salutation of welcome to the
+society, and, with great hospitality, undertook to initiate him in the
+constitutions of the brotherhood. This humane clergyman gave him to
+understand, that his first care ought to be that of securing a lodging;
+telling him there was a certain number of apartments in the prison let
+at the same price, though some were more commodious than others;
+and that when the better sort became vacant, by the removal of their
+possessors, those who succeeded in point of seniority had the privilege
+of occupying the empty tenements preferable to the rest of the
+inhabitants, howsoever respectable they might otherwise be. That, when
+the jail was very much crowded, there was but one chamber allotted for
+two lodgers; but this was not considered as any great hardship on the
+prisoners; because, in that case, there was always a sufficient number
+of males, who willingly admitted the females to a share in their
+apartments and beds. Not but the time had been, when this expedient
+would not answer the occasion; because, after a couple had been
+quartered in every room, there was a considerable residue still
+unprovided with lodging; so that, for the time being, the last-comers
+were obliged to take up their habitation in Mount Scoundrel, an
+apartment most miserably furnished, in which they lay promiscuously,
+amidst filth and vermin, until they could be better accommodated in due
+course of rotation.
+
+Peregrine, hearing the description of this place, began to be very
+impatient about his night's lodging; and the parson, perceiving his
+anxiety, conducted him, without loss of time, to the warden, who
+forthwith put him in possession of a paltry chamber, for which he agreed
+to pay half a crown a week. This point being settled, his director gave
+him an account of the different methods of eating, either singly, in a
+mess, or at an ordinary, and advised him to choose the last, as the most
+reputable, offering to introduce him next day to the best company in the
+Fleet, who always dined together in public.
+
+Pickle having thanked this gentleman for his civilities, and promised
+to be governed by his advice, invited him to pass the evening at his
+apartment; and, in the meantime, shut himself up with Crabtree, in order
+to deliberate upon the wreck of his affairs. Of all his ample fortune
+nothing now remained but his wardrobe, which was not very sumptuous,
+about thirty guineas in cash, and the garrison, which the misanthrope
+counselled him to convert into ready money for his present subsistence.
+This advice, however, he absolutely rejected, not only on account of his
+having already bestowed it upon Hatchway during the term of his natural
+life, but also with a view of retaining some memorial of the commodore's
+generosity. He proposed, therefore, to finish in this retreat the
+translation which he had undertaken, and earn his future subsistence by
+labour of the same kind. He desired Cadwallader to take charge of his
+movables, and send to him such linen and clothes as he should have
+occasion for in his confinement. But, among all his difficulties,
+nothing embarrassed him so much as his faithful Pipes, whom he could no
+longer entertain in his service. He knew Tom had made shift to pick up
+a competency in the course of his ministration; but that reflection,
+though it in some measure alleviated, could not wholly prevent the
+mortification he should suffer in parting with an affectionate adherent,
+who was by this time become as necessary to him as one of his own
+members, and who was so accustomed to live under his command and
+protection, that he did not believe the fellow could reconcile himself
+to any other way of life.
+
+Crabtree, in order to make him easy on that score, offered to adopt him
+in the room of his own valet, whom he would dismiss; though he observed,
+that Pipes had been quite spoiled in our hero's service. But Peregrine
+did not choose to lay his friend under that inconvenience, knowing that
+his present lacquey understood and complied with all the peculiarities
+of his humour, which Pipes would never be able to study or regard; he
+therefore determined to send him back to his shipmate Hatchway,
+with whom he had spent the fore part of his life. These points being
+adjusted, the two friends adjourned to the coffee-house, with a view of
+inquiring into the character of the clergyman to whose beneficence our
+adventurer was so much indebted. They learned he was a person who had
+incurred the displeasure of the bishop in whose diocese he was settled,
+and, being unequal in power to his antagonist, had been driven to the
+Fleet, in consequence of his obstinate opposition; though he still
+found means to enjoy a pretty considerable income, by certain irregular
+practices in the way of his function, which income was chiefly consumed
+in acts of humanity to his fellow-creatures in distress.
+
+His eulogium was scarce finished, when he entered the room, according to
+appointment with Peregrine, who ordering wine and something for supper
+to be carried to his apartment, the triumvirate went thither; and
+Cadwallader taking his leave for the night, the two fellow-prisoners
+passed the evening very sociably, our hero being entertained by his new
+companion with a private history of the place, some particulars of which
+were extremely curious. He told him, that the person who attended them
+at supper, bowing with the most abject servility, and worshipping them
+every time he opened his mouth, with the epithets of your lordship and
+your honour, had, a few years before, been actually a captain in
+the guards; who, after having run his career in the great world, had
+threaded every station in their community, from that of a buck of
+the first order, who swaggers about the Fleet in a laced coat, with a
+footman and w--, to the degree of a tapster, in which he was now
+happily settled. "If you will take the trouble of going into the cook's
+kitchen," said he, "you will perceive a beau metamorphosed into a
+turnspit; and there are some hewers of wood and drawers of water in
+this microcosm who have had forests and fishponds of their own. Yet,
+notwithstanding such a miserable reverse of fortune, they are neither
+objects of regard nor compassion, because their misfortunes are the
+fruits of the most vicious extravagance, and they are absolutely
+insensible of the misery which is their lot. Those of our
+fellow-sufferers, who have been reduced by undeserved losses, or the
+precipitation of inexperienced youth, never fail to meet with the most
+brotherly assistance, provided they behave with decorum, and a due
+sense of their unhappy circumstances. Nor are we destitute of power to
+chastise the licentious, who refuse to comply with the regulations
+of the place, and disturb the peace of the community with riot and
+disorder. Justice is here impartially administered by a court of equity,
+consisting of a select number of the most respectable inhabitants, who
+punish all offenders with equal judgment and resolution, after they have
+been fairly convicted of the crimes laid to their charge."
+
+The clergyman having thus explained the economy of the place, as well as
+the cause of his own confinement, began to discover signs of curiosity
+touching our hero's situation; and Pickle, thinking he could do no less
+for the satisfaction of a man who had treated him in such a hospitable
+manner, favoured him with a detail of the circumstances which produced
+his imprisonment; at the same time gratifying his resentment against
+the minister, which delighted in recapitulating the injuries he had
+received. The parson, who had been prepossessed in favour of our youth
+at first sight, understanding what a considerable part he had acted on
+the stage of life, felt his veneration increase; and, pleased with the
+opportunity of introducing a stranger of his consequence to the club,
+left him to his repose, or rather to ruminate on an event which he had
+not as yet seriously considered.
+
+I might here, in imitation of some celebrated writers, furnish out a
+page or two, with the reflections he made upon the instability of human
+affairs, the treachery of the world, and the temerity of youth; and
+endeavour to decoy the reader into a smile, by some quaint observation
+of my own, touching the sagacious moraliser: but, besides that I look
+upon this practice as an impertinent anticipation of the peruser's
+thoughts, I have too much matter of importance upon my hands, to give
+the reader the least reason to believe that I am driven to such paltry
+shifts, in order to eke out the volume. Suffice it then to say,
+our adventurer passed a very uneasy night, not only from the thorny
+suggestions of his mind, but likewise from the anguish of his body,
+which suffered from the hardness of his couch, as well as from the
+natural inhabitants thereof, that did not tamely suffer his intrusion.
+In the morning he was waked by Pipes, who brought upon his shoulder
+a portmanteau filled with necessaries, according to the direction of
+Cadwallader; and, tossing it down upon the floor, regaled himself with a
+quid, without the least manifestation of concern. After some pause, "You
+see, Pipes," said his master, "to what I have brought myself." "Ey, ey,"
+answered the valet, "once the vessel is ashore, what signifies talking?
+We must bear a hand to tow her off, if we can. If she won't budge for
+all the anchors and capstans aboard, after we have lightened her, by
+cutting away her masts, and heaving our guns and cargo overboard, why
+then, mayhap a brisk gale of wind, a tide, or current setting from
+shore, may float her again in the blast of a whistle. Here is two
+hundred and ten guineas by the tale in this here canvas bag; and upon
+this scrap of paper--no, avast--that's my discharge from the parish
+for Moll Trundle--ey, here it is--an order for thirty pounds upon the
+what-d'ye-call-'em in the city; and two tickets for twenty-five and
+eighteen, which I lent, d'ye see, to Sam Studding to buy a cargo of
+rum, when he hoisted the sign of the commodore at St. Catherine's." So
+saying, he spread his whole stock upon the table for the acceptance of
+Peregrine; who, being very much affected with this fresh instance of his
+attachment, expressed his satisfaction at seeing he had been such a good
+economist, and paid his wages up to that very day. He thanked him for
+his faithful services, and, observing that he himself was no longer in a
+condition to maintain a domestic, advised him to retire to the garrison,
+where he would be kindly received by his friend Hatchway, to whom he
+would recommend him in the strongest terms.
+
+Pipes looked blank at this unexpected intimation, to which he replied,
+that he wanted neither pay nor provision, but only to be employed as a
+tender; and that he would not steer his course for the garrison,
+unless his master would first take his lumber aboard. Pickle, however,
+peremptorily refused to touch a farthing of the money, which he
+commanded him to put up, and Pipes was so mortified at his refusal,
+that, twisting the notes together, he threw them into the fire without
+hesitation, crying, "D-- the money!" The canvas bag with its contents
+would have shared the same fate, had not Peregrine started up, and
+snatching the paper from the flames, ordered his valet to forbear, on
+pain of being banished for ever from his sight. He told him that, for
+the present, there was a necessity for his being dismissed, and he
+discharged him accordingly; but, if he would go and live quietly
+with the lieutenant, he promised, on the first favourable turn of his
+fortune, to take him again into his service. In the meantime he gave him
+to understand, that he neither wanted, nor would make use of his money,
+which he insisted upon his pocketing immediately, on pain of forfeiting
+all title to his favour.
+
+Pipes was very much chagrined at these injunctions, to which he made
+no reply; but, sweeping the money into his bag, stalked off in silence,
+with a look of grief and mortification, which his countenance had never
+exhibited before. Nor was the proud heart of Pickle unmoved upon the
+occasion; he could scarce suppress his sorrow in the presence of Pipes,
+and, soon as he was gone, it vented itself in tears.
+
+Having no great pleasure in conversing with his own thoughts, he dressed
+himself with all convenient despatch, being attended by one of the
+occasional valets of the place, who had formerly been a rich mercer in
+the city; and, this operation being performed, he went to breakfast
+at the coffee-house, where he happened to meet with his friend the
+clergyman and several persons of genteel appearance, to whom the doctor
+introduced him as a new messmate. By these gentlemen he was conducted to
+a place where they spent the forenoon in playing at fives, an exercise
+in which our hero took singular delight; and about one o'clock a court
+was held, for the trial of two delinquents, who had transgressed the
+laws of honesty and good order. The first who appeared at the bar was
+an attorney, accused of having picked a gentleman's pocket of his
+handkerchief. And the fact being proved by incontestable evidence, he
+received sentence. In consequence of which, he was immediately carried
+to the public pump, and subjected to a severe cascade of cold water.
+This cause being discussed, they proceeded to the trial of the other
+offender, who was a lieutenant of a man-of-war, indicted for a riot,
+which he had committed in company with a female, not yet taken, against
+the laws of the place, and the peace of his fellow-prisoners. The
+culprit had been very obstreperous, and absolutely refused to obey the
+summons, with many expressions of contempt and defiance against the
+authority of the court; upon which the constables were ordered to bring
+him to the bar, vi et armis; and he was accordingly brought before the
+judge, after having made a most desperate resistance with a hanger, by
+which one of the officers was dangerously wounded. This outrage was such
+an aggravation of his crime, that the court would not venture to decide
+upon it, but remitted him to the sentence of the warden; who, by virtue
+of his dictatorial power, ordered the rioter to be loaded with irons,
+and confined in the strong room, which is a dismal dungeon, situated
+upon the side of the ditch, infested with toads and vermin, surcharged
+with noisome damps, and impervious to the least ray of light.
+
+Justice being done upon these criminals, our adventurer and his company
+adjourned to the ordinary, which was kept at the coffee-house; and he
+found, upon inquiry, that his messmates consisted of one officer, two
+underwriters, three projectors, an alchemist, an attorney, a parson, a
+brace of poets, a baronet, and a knight of the Bath. The dinner,
+though not sumptuous, nor very elegantly served up, was nevertheless
+substantial, and pretty well dressed. The wine was tolerable, and all
+the guests as cheerful as if they had been utter strangers to calamity;
+so that our adventurer began to relish the company, and mix in the
+conversation, with that sprightliness and ease which were peculiar to
+his disposition. The repast being ended, the reckoning paid, and part
+of the gentlemen withdrawn to cards, or other avocations, those who
+remained, among whom Peregrine made one, agreed to spend the afternoon
+in conversation over a bowl of punch; and the liquor being produced,
+they passed the time very socially in various topics of discourse,
+including many curious anecdotes relating to their own affairs. No man
+scrupled to own the nature of the debt for which he was confined, unless
+it happened to be some piddling affair, but, on the contrary, boasted
+of the importance of the sum, as a circumstance that implied his
+having been a person of consequence in life; and he who made the most
+remarkable escapes from bailiffs, was looked upon as a man of superior
+genius and address.
+
+Among other extraordinary adventures of this kind, none was more
+romantic than the last elopement achieved by the officer; who told them
+he had been arrested for a debt of two hundred pounds, at a time when he
+could not command as many pence, and conveyed to the bailiff's house,
+in which he continued a whole fortnight, moving his lodgings higher and
+higher, from time to time, in proportion to the decay of his credit;
+until, from the parlour, he had made a regular ascent to the garret.
+There, while he ruminated on his next step, which would have been to the
+Marshalsea, and saw the night come on, attended with hunger and cold,
+the wind began to blow, and the tiles of the house rattled with the
+storm. His imagination was immediately struck with the idea of escaping
+unperceived, amidst the darkness and noise of the tempest, by creeping
+out of the window of his apartment, and making his way over the tops
+of the adjoining houses. Glowing with this prospect, he examined the
+passage, which, to his infinite mortification, he found grated with iron
+bars on the outside; but even this difficulty did not divert him from
+his purpose. Conscious of his own strength, he believed himself able to
+make a hole through the roof, which seemed to be slender and crazy; and,
+on this supposition, he barricaded the door with the whole furniture of
+the room; then setting himself to work with a poker, he in a few minutes
+effected a passage for his hand, with which he gradually stripped off
+the boards and tiling, so as to open a sallyport for his whole body,
+through which he fairly set himself free, groping his way towards the
+next tenement. Here, however, he met with an unlucky accident. His hat
+being blown off his head, chanced to fall into the court just as one
+of the bailiff's followers was knocking at the door; and this myrmidon,
+recognizing it, immediately gave the alarm to his chief, who,
+running up-stairs to the garret, forced open the door in a twinkling,
+notwithstanding the precautions which the prisoner had taken, and, with
+his attendant, pursued the fugitive through his own track. "After this
+chase had continued some time," said the officer, "to the imminent
+danger of all three, I found my progress suddenly stopped by a skylight,
+through which I perceived seven tailors sitting at work upon a board.
+Without the least hesitation, or previous notice, I plunged among them
+with my backside foremost. Before they could recollect themselves from
+the consternation occasioned by such a strange visit, I told them my
+situation, and gave them to understand that there was no time to be
+lost. One of the number, taking the hint, led me instantly down-stairs,
+and dismissed me at the street door; while the bailiff and his follower,
+arriving at the breach, were deterred from entering by the brethren of
+my deliverer, who, presenting their shears, like a range of chevaux de
+frise, commanded them to retire, on pain of immediate death. And the
+catchpole, rather than risk his carcase, consented to discharge the
+debt, comforting himself with the hope of making me prisoner again.
+There, however, he was disappointed. I kept snug, and laughed at his
+escape-warrant, until I was ordered abroad with the regiment, when I
+conveyed myself in a hearse to Gravesend, where I embarked for Flanders;
+but, being obliged to come over again on the recruiting service, I was
+nabbed on another score. And all the satisfaction my first captor has
+been able to obtain, is a writ of detainer, which, I believe, will fix
+me in this place, until the parliament, in its great goodness, shall
+think proper to discharge my debts by a new act of insolvency."
+
+Everybody owned, that the captain's success was equal to the hardiness
+of his enterprise, which was altogether in the style of a soldier; but
+one of the merchants observed, that he must have been a bailiff of small
+experience, who would trust a prisoner of that consequence in such an
+unguarded place. "If the captain," said he, "had fallen into the hands
+of such a cunning rascal as the fellow that arrested me, he would not
+have found it such an easy matter to escape; for the manner in which I
+was caught is perhaps the most extraordinary that ever was practised
+in these realms. You must know, gentlemen, I suffered such losses by
+insuring vessels during the war, that I was obliged to stop payment,
+though my expectations were such as encouraged me to manage one
+branch of business, without coming to an immediate composition with my
+creditors, and, in short, I received consignments from abroad as usual,
+that I might not be subject to the visits of those catchpoles, I never
+stirred abroad; but, turning my first floor into a warehouse, ordered
+all my goods to be hoisted up by a crane fixed to the upper story of my
+house. Divers were the stratagems practised by those ingenious ferrets,
+with a view of decoying me from the walls of my fortification. I
+received innumerable messages from people, who wanted to see me at
+certain taverns, upon particular business. I was summoned into the
+country, to see my own mother, who was said to be at the point of
+death. A gentlewoman, one night, was taken in labour on my threshold. At
+another time I was disturbed with the cry of murder in the street; and
+once I was alarmed by a false fire. But, being still upon my guard, I
+baffled all their attempts, and thought myself quite secure from their
+invention, when one of those bloodhounds, inspired, I believe, by the
+devil himself, contrived a snare by which I was at last entrapped. He
+made it his business to inquire into the particulars of my traffic; and,
+understanding that, among other things, there were several chests of
+Florence entered at the custom house on my behalf, he ordered himself
+to be enclosed in a box of the same dimensions, with air-holes in the
+bottom, for the benefit of breathing, and marked upon the cover; and,
+being conveyed to my door in a cart, among other goods, was, in his
+turn, hoisted up to my warehouse, where I stood with a hammer, in order
+to open the chests, that I might compare the contents with the invoice.
+You may guess my surprise and consternation, when, upon uncovering the
+box, I saw a bailiff rearing up his head, like Lazarus from the grave,
+and heard him declare that he had a writ against me for a thousand
+pounds. Indeed, I aimed the hammer at his head, but, in the hurry of my
+confusion, missed my mark; before I could repeat the blow, he started
+up with great agility, and executed his office in sight of several
+evidences whom he had assembled in the street for that purpose; so that
+I could not possibly disentangle myself from the toil without incurring
+an escape-warrant, from which I had no protection. But, had I known
+the contents of the chest, by all that's good! I would have ordered my
+porter to raise it up as high as the crane would permit, and then have
+cut the rope by accident."
+
+"That expedient," said the knight with the red ribbon, "would have
+discouraged him from such hazardous attempts for the future, and would
+have been an example in terrorem of all his brethren. The story puts me
+in mind of a deliverance achieved by Tom Hackabout, a very stout, honest
+fellow, an old acquaintance of mine, who had been so famous for
+maiming bailiffs, that another gentleman having been ill-used at a
+spunging-house, no sooner obtained his liberty, than, with a view of
+being revenged upon the landlord, he, for five shillings, bought one of
+Tom's notes, which sold at a very large discount, and, taking out a writ
+upon it, put it into the hands of the bailiff who had used him ill. The
+catchpole, after a diligent search, had an opportunity of executing the
+writ upon the defendant, who, without ceremony, broke one of his arms,
+fractured his skull, and belaboured him in such a manner, that he lay
+without sense or motion on the spot. By such exploits, this hero became
+so formidable, that no single bailiff would undertake to arrest him;
+so that he appeared in all public places untouched. At length, however,
+several officers of the Marshalsea court entered into a confederacy
+against him; and two of the number, attended by three desperate
+followers, ventured to arrest him one day in the Strand, near
+Hungerford-market. He found it impossible to make resistance, because
+the whole gang sprung upon him at once, like so many tigers, and
+pinioned his arms so fast, that he could not wag a finger. Perceiving
+himself fairly overpowered, he desired to be conducted forthwith to
+jail, and was stowed in a boat accordingly; by the time they had
+reached the middle of the river, he found means to overset the wherry
+by accident, and every man, disregarding the prisoner, consulted his own
+safety. As for Hackabout, to whom that element was quite familiar, he
+mounted astride upon the keel of the boat, which was uppermost, and
+exhorted the bailiffs to swim for their lives; protesting before God,
+that they had no other chance to be saved.
+
+"The watermen were immediately taken up by some of their own friends,
+who, far from yielding any assistance to the catchpoles, kept aloof, and
+exulted in their calamity. In short, two of the five went to the bottom,
+and never saw the light of God's sun, and the other three, with
+great difficulty, saved themselves by laying hold on the rudder of a
+dung-barge, to which they were carried by the stream, while Tom,
+with great deliberation, swam across to the Surrey shore. After this
+achievement, he was so much dreaded by the whole fraternity, that they
+shivered at the very mention of his name; and this character, which
+some people would think an advantage to a man in debt, was the greatest
+misfortune that could possibly happen to him; because no tradesman would
+give him credit for the least trifle, on the supposition that he could
+not indemnify himself in the common course of law."
+
+The parson did not approve of Mr. Hackabout's method of escaping,
+which he considered as a very unchristian attempt upon the lives of his
+fellow-subjects. "It is enough," said he, "that we elude the laws of our
+country, without murdering the officers of justice. For my own part, I
+can lay my hand upon my heart, and safely say, that I forgive from
+my soul the fellow by whom I was made a prisoner, although the
+circumstances of his behaviour were treacherous, wicked, and profane.
+You must know, Mr. Pickle, I was one day called into my chapel, in order
+to join a couple in the holy bands of matrimony; and, my affairs being
+at that time so situated, as to lay me under apprehensions of an arrest,
+I cautiously surveyed the man through a lattice which was made for that
+purpose, before I would venture to come within his reach. He was clothed
+in a seaman's jacket and trousers, and had such an air of simplicity in
+his countenance, as divested me of all suspicion. I therefore, without
+further scruple, trusted myself in his presence, began to exercise
+the duty of my function, and had actually performed one half of the
+ceremony, when the supposed woman, pulling out a paper from her bosom,
+exclaimed, with a masculine voice, 'Sir, you are my prisoner; I have got
+a writ against you for five hundred pounds.' I was thunderstruck at this
+declaration, not so much on account of my own misfortune, which, thank
+Heaven, I can bear with patience and resignation, as at the impiety of
+the wretch, first, in disguising such a worldly aim under the cloak of
+religion; and, secondly, in prostituting the service, when there was no
+occasion for so doing, his design having previously taken effect. Yet I
+forgive him, poor soul! because he knew not what he did; and I hope you,
+Sir Simple, will exert the same Christian virtue towards the man by whom
+you were likewise overreached."
+
+"Oh! d-- the rascal," cried the knight; "were I his judge, he should
+be condemned to flames everlasting. A villain! to disgrace me in such
+a manner, before almost all the fashionable company in town." Our hero
+expressing a curiosity to know the particulars of this adventure, the
+knight gratified his desire, by telling him, that one evening, while
+he was engaged in a party of cards, at a drum in the house of a certain
+lady of quality, he was given to understand by one of the servants, that
+a stranger, very richly dressed, was just arrived in a chair, preceded
+by five footmen with flambeaux, and that he refused to come upstairs,
+until he should be introduced by Sir Simple. "Upon this notice,"
+continued the knight, "I judged it was some of my quality friends; and,
+having obtained her ladyship's permission to bring him up, went down to
+the hall, and perceived a person, whom, to the best of my recollection,
+I had never seen before. However, his appearance was so magnificent,
+that I could not harbour the least suspicion of his true quality; and,
+seeing me advance, he saluted me with a very genteel bow, observing,
+that though he had not the honour of my acquaintance, he could not
+dispense with waiting upon me, even on that occasion, in consequence of
+a letter which he had received from a particular friend. So saying, he
+put a paper into my hand, intimating that he had got a writ against
+me for ten thousand pounds, and that it would be my interest to submit
+without resistance, for he was provided with a guard of twenty men,
+who surrounded the door in different disguises, determined to secure me
+against all opposition. Enraged at the scoundrel's finesse, and trusting
+to the assistance of the real footmen assembled in the hall, 'So you are
+a rascally bailiff,' said I, 'who have assumed the garb of a gentleman,
+in order to disturb her ladyship's company. Take this fellow, my lads,
+and roll him in the kennel. Here are ten guineas for your trouble.'
+These words were no sooner pronounced, than I was seized, lifted up,
+placed in a chair, and carried off in the twinkling of an eye; not but
+that the servants of the house, and some other footmen, made a motion
+towards my rescue, and alarmed all the company above. But the bailiff
+affirming with undaunted effrontery, that I was taken up upon an affair
+of state, and so many people appearing in his behalf, the countess would
+not suffer the supposed messenger to be insulted; and he carried me to
+the county jail without further let or molestation."
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCVIII.
+
+
+
+Pickle seems tolerably well reconciled to his Cage; and is by the
+Clergyman entertained with the Memoirs of a Noted Personage, whom he
+sees by accident in the Fleet.
+
+
+The knight had scarce finished his narrative, when our hero was told,
+that a gentleman in the coffee-room wanted to see him; and when he
+went thither, he found his friend Crabtree, who had transacted all his
+affairs, according to the determination of the preceding day; and now
+gave him an account of the remarks he overheard, on the subject of
+his misfortune; for the manner of the arrest was so public and
+extraordinary, that those who were present immediately propagated it
+among their acquaintance, and it was that same evening discoursed upon
+at several tea and card tables, with this variation from the truth, that
+the debt amounted to twelve thousand, instead of twelve hundred pounds.
+From which circumstance it was conjectured, that Peregrine was a bite
+from the beginning, who had found credit on account of his effrontery
+and appearance, and imposed himself upon the town as a young gentleman
+of fortune. They rejoiced, therefore, at his calamity, which they
+considered as a just punishment for his fraud and presumption, and began
+to review certain particulars of his conduct, that plainly demonstrated
+him to be a rank adventurer, long before he had arrived at this end of
+his career.
+
+Pickle, who now believed his glory was set for ever, received this
+intelligence with that disdain which enables a man to detach himself
+effectually from the world, and, with great tranquility, gave the
+misanthrope an entertaining detail of what he had seen and heard since
+their last parting. While they amused themselves in this manner over
+a dish of coffee they were joined by the parson, who congratulated our
+hero upon his bearing mischance with such philosophic quite, and began
+to regale the two friends with some curious circumstances relating to
+the private history of the several prisoners, as they happened to come
+in. At length a gentleman entered; at sight of whom the clergyman rose
+up, and saluted him with a most reverential bow, which was graciously
+returned by the stranger, who, with a young man that attended him,
+retired to the other end of the room. They were no sooner out of
+hearing, than the communicative priest desired his company to take
+particular notice of this person to whom he had paid his respects.
+"That man," said he, "is this day one of the most flagrant instances
+of neglected virtue which the world can produce. Over and above a cool
+discerning head, fraught with uncommon learning and experience, he
+is possessed of such fortitude and resolution, as no difficulties can
+discourage, and no danger impair; and so indefatigable in his humanity,
+that even now, while he is surrounded with such embarrassments as would
+distract the brain of an ordinary mortal, he has added considerably to
+his encumbrances, by taking under his protection that young gentleman,
+who, induced by his character, appealed to his benevolence for redress
+of the grievances under which he labours from the villainy of guardian."
+
+Peregrine's curiosity being excited by this encomium, asked the name of
+this generous patron, of which when he was informed, "I am no stranger,"
+said he, "to the fame of that gentleman, who has made a considerable
+noise in the world, on account of that great cause he undertook in
+defence of an unhappy orphan; and, since he is a person of such an
+amiable disposition, I am heartily sorry to find that his endeavours
+have not met with that successful issue which their good fortune in the
+beginning seemed to promise. Indeed, the circumstance of his espousing
+that cause was so uncommon and romantic and the depravity of the
+human heart so universal, that some people, unacquainted with his real
+character, imagined his views were altogether selfish; and some were not
+wanting, who affirmed he was a mere adventurer. Nevertheless, I must do
+him the justice to own, I have heard some of the most virulent of those
+who were concerned on the other side of the question, bear testimony
+in his favour, observing, that he was deceived into the expense of the
+whole, by the plausible story which at first engaged his compassion.
+Your description of his character confirms me in the same opinion,
+though I am quite ignorant of the affair; the particulars of which I
+should be glad to learn, as well as the genuine account of his own life,
+many circumstances of which are by his enemies, I believe, egregiously
+misrepresented."
+
+"Sir," answered the priest, "that is a piece of satisfaction which I am
+glad to find myself capable of giving you. I have had the pleasure of
+being acquainted with Mr. M-- from his youth, and everything which I
+shall relate concerning him, you may depend upon as a fact which hath
+fallen under my own cognizance, or been vouched upon the credit of
+undoubted evidence.
+
+"Mr. M--'s father was a minister of the established church of Scotland,
+descended from a very ancient clan, and his mother nearly related to a
+noble family in the northern part of that kingdom. While the son was
+boarded at a public school, where he made good progress in the Latin
+tongue, his father died, and he was left an orphan to the care of an
+uncle, who, finding him determined against any servile employment, kept
+him at school, that he might prepare himself for the university, with a
+view of being qualified for his father's profession.
+
+"Here his imagination was so heated by the warlike achievements he found
+recorded in the Latin authors, such as Caesar, Curtius, and Buchanan,
+that he was seized with an irresistible thirst of military glory, and
+desire of trying his fortune in the army. His Majesty's troops taking
+the field, in consequence of the rebellion which happened in the year
+seventeen hundred and fifteen, this young adventurer, thinking no life
+equal to that of a soldier, found means to furnish himself with a fusil
+and bayonet, and, leaving the school, repaired to the camp near Stirling
+with a view of signalizing himself in the field, though he was at that
+time but just turned of thirteen. He offered his service to several
+officers, in hope of being enlisted in their companies; but they would
+not receive him, because they rightly concluded, that he was some
+schoolboy broke loose, without the knowledge or consent of his
+relations. Notwithstanding this discouragement, he continued in camp,
+curiously prying into every part of the service; and such was the
+resolution conspicuous in him, even at such a tender age, that, after
+his small finances were exhausted, he persisted in his design; and,
+because he would not make his wants known, actually subsisted for
+several days on hips, haws, and sloes, and other spontaneous fruits,
+which he gathered in the woods and fields. Meanwhile, he never failed
+to be present, when any regiment or corps of men were drawn out to be
+exercised and reviewed, and accompanied them in all their evolutions,
+which he had learned to great perfection, by observing the companies
+which were quartered in the place where he was at school. This eagerness
+and perseverance attracted the notice of many officers, who, after
+having commended his spirit and zeal, pressed him to return to his
+parents, and even threatened to expel him from the camp, if he would not
+comply with their advice.
+
+"These remonstrances having no other effect than that of warning him to
+avoid his monitors, they thought proper to alter their behaviour towards
+him, took him into their protection, and even into their mess, and
+what, above all other marks of favour, pleased the young soldier most,
+permitted him to incorporate in the battalion, and take his turn of
+duty with the other men. In this happy situation he was discovered by a
+relation of his mother, who was a captain in the army, and who used all
+his authority and influence in persuading M-- to return to school; but,
+finding him deaf to his admonitions and threats, he took him under his
+own care, and, when the army marched to Dumblane, left him at Stirling
+with express injunctions to keep himself within the walls.
+
+"He temporized with his kinsman, fearing that, should he seem
+refractory, the captain would have ordered him to be shut up in the
+castle. Inflamed with the desire of seeing a battle, his relation no
+sooner marched off the ground, than he mixed in with another regiment,
+to which his former patrons belonged, and proceeded to the field,
+where he distinguished himself, even at that early time of life, by his
+gallantry, in helping to retrieve a pair of colours belonging to M--n's
+regiment; so that, after the affair, he was presented to the duke of
+Argyll, and recommended strongly to Brigadier Grant, who invited him
+into his regiment, and promised to provide for him with the first
+opportunity. But that gentleman in a little time lost his command upon
+the duke's disgrace, and the regiment was ordered for Ireland, being
+given to Colonel Nassau, whose favour the young volunteer acquired to
+such a degree, that he was recommended to the king for his ensigncy,
+which in all probability he would have obtained, had not the regiment
+been unluckily reduced.
+
+"In consequence of this reduction, which happened in the most severe
+season of the year, he was obliged to return to his own country, through
+infinite hardships, to which he was exposed from the narrowness of his
+circumstances. And continuing still enamoured of a military life, he
+entered into the regiment of Scots Greys, at that time commanded by
+the late Sir James Campbell, who, being acquainted with his family and
+character, encouraged him with a promise of speedy preferment. In this
+corps he remained three years, during which he had no opportunity of
+seeing actual service, except at the affair of Glensheel; and this
+life of insipid quiet must have hung heavy upon a youth of M--'s active
+disposition, had not he found exercise for the mind, in reading books
+of amusement, history, voyages, and geography, together with those that
+treated of the art of war, ancient and modern, for which he contracted
+such an eager appetite, that he used to spend sixteen hours a day in
+this employment. About that time he became acquainted with a gentleman
+of learning and taste, who observing his indefatigable application,
+and insatiable thirst after knowledge, took upon himself the charge of
+superintending his studies; and, by the direction of such an able guide,
+the young soldier converted his attention to a more solid and profitable
+course of reading. So inordinate was his desire of making speedy
+advances in the paths of learning, that within the compass of three
+months, he diligently perused the writings of Locke and Malebranche,
+and made himself master of the first six and of the eleventh and twelfth
+books of Euclid's Elements. He considered Puffendorf and Grotius with
+uncommon care, acquired a tolerable degree of knowledge in the French
+language, and his imagination was so captivated with the desire of
+learning, that, seeing no prospect of a war, or views of being provided
+for in the service, he quitted the army, and went through a regular
+course of university education. Having made such progress in his
+studies, he resolved to qualify himself for the church, and acquired
+such a stock of school divinity, under the instructions of a learned
+professor at Edinburgh, that he more than once mounted the rostrum
+in the public hall, and held forth with uncommon applause. But being
+discouraged from a prosecution of his plan, by the unreasonable
+austerity of some of the Scotch clergy, by whom the most indifferent
+and innocent words and actions were often misconstrued into levity and
+misconduct, he resolved to embrace the first favourable opportunity
+of going abroad, being inflamed with the desire of seeing foreign
+countries; and actually set out for Holland, where, for the space of
+two years, he studied the Roman law, with the law of nature and nations,
+under the famous professors Tolieu and Barbeyrac.
+
+"Having thus finished his school education, he set out for Paris, with
+a view to make himself perfect in the French language, and learn such
+useful exercises, as might be acquired with the wretched remnant of his
+slender estate, which was by that time reduced very low. In his journey
+through the Netherlands, he went to Namur, and paid his respects to
+Bishop Strickland and General Collier, by whom he was received with
+great civility, in consequence of letters of recommendation, with which
+he was provided from the Hague; and the old general assured him of his
+protection and interest for a pair of colours, if he was disposed to
+enter into the Dutch service. Though he was by that time pretty well
+cured of his military quixotism, he would not totally decline the
+generous proffer, for which he thanked him in the most grateful terms,
+telling the general that he would pay his duty to him on his return from
+France, and then, if he could determine upon re-engaging in the army,
+should think himself highly honoured in being under his command.
+
+"After a stay of two months in Flanders, he proceeded to Paris, and, far
+from taking up his habitation in the suburbs of St. Germain, according
+to the custom of English travellers, he hired a private lodging on the
+other side of the river, and associated chiefly with French officers,
+who, their youthful sallies being over, are allowed to be the politest
+gentlemen of that kingdom. In this scheme he found his account so much,
+that he could not but wonder at the folly of his countrymen, who lose
+the main scope of their going abroad, by spending their time and fortune
+idly with one another.
+
+"During his residence in Holland, he had made himself acquainted with
+the best authors in the French language, so that he was able to share
+in their conversation; a circumstance from which he found great benefit;
+for it not only improved him in his knowledge of that tongue, but also
+tended to the enlargement of his acquaintance, in the course of which he
+contracted intimacies in some families of good fashion, especially those
+of the long robe, which would have enabled him to pass his time very
+agreeably, had he been a little easier in point of fortune. But his
+finances, notwithstanding the most rigid economy, being in a few months
+reduced to a very low ebb, the prospect of indigence threw a damp upon
+all his pleasures, though he never suffered himself to be thereby in any
+degree dispirited; being in that respect of so happy a disposition, that
+conscious poverty or abundance made very slight impressions upon his
+mind. This consumption of his cash, however, involved him in some
+perplexity, and he deliberated with himself, whether he should return to
+General Collier, or repair to London, where he might possibly fall
+into some business not unbecoming a gentleman; though he was very much
+mortified to find himself incapable of gratifying an inordinate desire
+which possessed him of making the grand tour, or, at least, of visiting
+the southern parts of France.
+
+"While he thus hesitated between different suggestions, he was one
+morning visited by a gentleman who had sought and cultivated his
+friendship, and for whom he had done a good office, in supporting him
+with spirit against a brutal German, with whom he had an affair of
+honour. This gentleman came to propose a party for a fortnight, to
+Fontainebleau, where the court then was; and the proposal being declined
+by M-- with more than usual stiffness, his friend was very urgent to
+know the reason of his refusal, and at length, with some confusion,
+said, 'Perhaps your finances are low?' M-- replied, that he had
+wherewithal to defray the expense of his journey to London, where he
+could be furnished with a fresh supply; and this answer was no sooner
+made, than the other taking him by the hand, 'My dear friend,' said he,
+'I am not unacquainted with your affairs, and would have offered you my
+credit long ago, if I had thought it would be acceptable; even now, I do
+not pretend to give you money, but desire and insist upon it, that you
+will accept of the loan of these two pieces of paper, to be repaid when
+you marry a woman with a fortune of twenty thousand pounds, or obtain an
+employment of a thousand a year.' So saying, he presented him with two
+actions of above two thousand livres each.
+
+"M-- was astonished at this unexpected instance of generosity, in a
+stranger, and, with suitable acknowledgment, peremptorily refused to
+incur such an obligation; but at length he was, by dint of importunity
+and warm expostulation, prevailed upon to accept one of the actions, on
+condition that the gentleman would take his note for the sum; and this
+he absolutely rejected, until M-- promised to draw upon him for double
+the value or more, in case he should at any time want a further supply.
+This uncommon act of friendship and generosity, afterwards had an
+opportunity to repay tenfold, though he could not help regretting the
+occasion, on his friend's account. That worthy man having, by placing
+too much confidence in a villainous lawyer, and a chain of other
+misfortunes, involved himself and his amiable lady in a labyrinth of
+difficulties, which threatened the total ruin of his family, M-- felt
+the inexpressible satisfaction of delivering his benefactor from the
+snare.
+
+"Being thus reinforced by the generosity of his friend, M-- resolved to
+execute his former plan of seeing the south of France, together with the
+sea-ports of Spain, as far as Cadiz, from whence he proposed to take a
+passage for London by sea; and, with this view, sent forward his trunks
+by the diligence to Lyons, determined to ride post, in order to enjoy a
+better view of the country, and for the conveniency of stopping at those
+places where there was anything remarkable to be seen or inquired into.
+While he was employed in taking leave of his Parisian friends, who
+furnished him with abundant recommendation, a gentleman of his own
+country, who spoke little or no French, hearing of his intention,
+begged the favour of accompanying him in his expedition. With this new
+companion, therefore, he set out for Lyons, where he was perfectly well
+received by the intendant and some of the best families of the place, in
+consequence of his letters of recommendation; and, after a short stay
+in that city, proceeded down the Rhone to Avignon, in what is called the
+coche d'eau; then visiting the principal towns of Dauphiny, Languedoc,
+and Provence, he returned to the delightful city of Marseilles, where he
+and his fellow-traveller were so much captivated by the serenity of the
+air, the good-nature and hospitality of the sprightly inhabitants, that
+they never dreamed of changing their quarters during the whole winter
+and part of the spring: here he acquired the acquaintance of the Marquis
+d'Argens, attorney-general in the parliament of Aix, and of his eldest
+son, who now makes so great a figure in the literary world; and when the
+affair of Father Girard and Mademoiselle Cadiere began to make a noise,
+he accompanied these two gentlemen to Toulon, where the marquis was
+ordered to take a precognition of the facts.
+
+"On his return to Marseilles, he found a certain noble lord of great
+fortune, under the direction of a Swiss governor, who had accommodated
+him with two of his own relations, of the same country, by way of
+companions, together with five servants in his train. They being
+absolute strangers in the place, M--introduced them to the intendant,
+and several other good families, and had the good fortune to be so
+agreeable to his lordship, that he proposed and even pressed him to live
+with him in England as a friend and companion, and to take upon him the
+superintendence of his affairs, in which case he would settle upon him
+four hundred a year for life.
+
+"This proposal was too advantageous to be slighted by a person of no
+fortune, or fixed establishment: he therefore made no difficulty of
+closing with it; but, as his lordship's departure was fixed to a short
+day, and he urged him to accompany him to Paris, and from thence to
+England, M-- thought it would be improper and indecent to interfere with
+the office of his governor, who might take umbrage at his favour, and
+therefore excused himself from a compliance with his lordship's request,
+until his minority should be expired, as he was within a few months of
+being of age. However, he repeated his importunities so earnestly, and
+the governor joined in the request with such appearance of cordiality,
+that he was prevailed upon to comply with their joint desire; and in a
+few days set out with them for Paris, by the way of Lyons. But, before
+they had been three days in the city, M-- perceived a total change
+in the behaviour of the Swiss and his two relations, who, in all
+probability, became jealous of his influence with his lordship; and he
+no sooner made this discovery, than he resolved to withdraw himself from
+such a disagreeable participation of that young nobleman's favour. He,
+therefore, in spite of all his lordship's entreaties and remonstrances,
+quitted him for the present, alleging, as a pretext, that he had a
+longing desire to see Switzerland and the banks of the Rhine, and
+promising to meet him again in England.
+
+"This his intention being made known to the governor and his friends,
+their countenances immediately cleared up, their courtesy and
+complaisance returned, and they even furnished him with letters for
+Geneva, Lausanne, Bern, and Soleures; in consequence of which he met
+with unusual civilities at these places. Having made this tour with his
+Scotch friend, who came up to him before he left Lyons, and visited the
+most considerable towns on both sides of the Rhine, and the courts of
+the electors Palatine, Mentz, and Cologne, he arrived in Holland; and
+from thence, through the Netherlands, repaired to London, where he found
+my lord just returned from Paris.
+
+"His lordship received him with expressions of uncommon joy, would not
+suffer him to stir from him for several days, and introduced him to his
+relations. M-- accompanied his lordship from London to his country seat,
+where he was indeed treated with great friendship and confidence, and
+consulted in everything; but the noble peer never once made mention of
+the annuity which he had promised to settle upon him, nor did M--
+remind him of it, because he conceived it was his affair to fulfil his
+engagements of his own accord. M-- being tired of the manner of living
+at this place, made an excursion to Bath, where he stayed about a
+fortnight, to partake of the diversions, and, upon his return, found his
+lordship making dispositions for another journey to Paris.
+
+"Surprised at this sudden resolution, he endeavoured to dissuade
+him from it; but his remonstrances were rendered ineffectual by the
+insinuations of a foreigner who had come over with him, and filled his
+imagination with extravagant notions of pleasure, infinitely superior
+to any which he could enjoy while he was in the trammels and under the
+restraints of a governor. He, therefore, turned a deaf ear to all M--'s
+arguments, and entreated him to accompany him in the journey; but
+this gentleman, foreseeing that a young man, like my lord, of strong
+passions, and easy to be misled, would, in all probability, squander
+away great sums of money, in a way that would neither do credit to
+himself, or to those who were concerned with him, resisted all his
+solicitations, on pretence of having business of consequence at London;
+and afterwards had reason to be extremely well pleased with his own
+conduct in this particular.
+
+"Before he set out on this expedition, M--, in justice to himself,
+reminded him of the proposal which he had made to him at Marseilles,
+desiring to know if he had altered his design in that particular; in
+which case he would turn his thoughts some other way, as he would not
+in the least be thought to intrude or pin himself upon any man. My lord
+protested in the most solemn manner, that he still continued in his
+former resolution, and, again beseeching him to bear him company into
+France, promised that everything should be settled to his satisfaction
+upon their return to England. M--, however, still persisted in his
+refusal, for the above-mentioned reasons, and, though he never heard
+more of the annuity, he nevertheless continued to serve his lordship
+with his advice and good offices ever after; particularly in directing
+his choice to an alliance with a lady of eminent virtue, the daughter of
+a noble lord, more conspicuous for his shining parts than the splendour
+of his titles; a circumstance upon which he always reflected with
+particular satisfaction, as well on account of the extraordinary merit
+of the lady, as because it vested in her children a considerable part
+of that great estate, which of right belonged to her grandmother, and
+afterwards put him in a way to retrieve his estate from a heavy load of
+debt he had contracted. When my lord set out on his Paris expedition,
+the money M-- had received from his generous friend at Paris was almost
+reduced to the last guinea. He had not yet reaped the least benefit from
+his engagements with his lordship; and, disdaining to ask for a supply
+from him, he knew not how to subsist, with any degree of credit, till
+his return.
+
+"This uncomfortable prospect was the more disagreeable to him, as, at
+that time of life, he was much inclined to appear in the gay world, had
+contracted a taste for plays, operas, and other public diversions, and
+acquired an acquaintance with many people of good fashion, which could
+not be maintained without a considerable expense. In this emergency,
+he thought he could not employ his idle time more profitably than in
+translating, from foreign languages, such books as were then chiefly in
+vogue; and upon application to a friend, who was a man of letters, he
+was furnished with as much business of that kind as he could possibly
+manage, and wrote some pamphlets on the reigning controversies of that
+time, that had the good fortune to please. He was also concerned in a
+monthly journal of literature, and the work was carried on by the two
+friends jointly, though M-- did not at all appear in the partnership.
+By these means he not only spent his mornings in useful exercise but
+supplied himself with money for what the French call the menus plaisirs,
+during the whole summer. He frequented all the assemblies in and about
+London, and considerably enlarged his acquaintance among the fair sex.
+
+"He had, upon his first arrival in England, become acquainted with a
+lady at an assembly not far from London; and though, at that time, he
+had no thoughts of extending his views farther than the usual gallantry
+of the place, he met with such distinguishing marks of her regard in
+the sequel, and was so particularly encouraged by the advice of another
+lady, with whom he had been intimate in France, and who was now of
+their parties, that he could not help entertaining hopes of making an
+impression upon the heart of his agreeable partner, who was a young lady
+of an ample fortune and great expectations. He therefore cultivated her
+good graces with all the assiduity and address of which he was master,
+and succeeded so well in his endeavours, that, after a due course of
+attendance, and the death of an aunt, by which she received an accession
+of fortune to the amount of three and twenty thousand pounds, he
+ventured to declare his passion, and she not only heard him with
+patience and approbation, but also replied in terms adequate to his
+warmest wish.
+
+"Finding himself so favourably received, he pressed her to secure his
+happiness by marriage; but, to this proposal, she objected the recency
+of her kinswoman's death, which would have rendered such a step highly
+indecent, and the displeasure of her other relations, from whom she had
+still greater expectations, and who, at that time, importuned her to
+marry a cousin of her own, whom she could not like. However, that M--
+might have no cause to repine at her delay, she freely entered with
+him into an intimacy of correspondence; during which nothing could have
+added to their mutual felicity, which was the more poignant and refined,
+from the mysterious and romantic manner of their enjoying it; for,
+though he publicly visited her as an acquaintance, his behaviour on
+these occasions was always so distant, respectful, and reserved, that
+the rest of the company could not possibly suspect the nature of their
+reciprocal attachment; in consequence of which they used to have private
+interviews, unknown to every soul upon earth, except her maid, who was
+necessarily entrusted with the secret.
+
+"In this manner they enjoyed the conversation of each other for above
+twelve months, without the least interruption; and though the stability
+of Mr. M--'s fortune depended entirely upon their marriage, yet as
+he perceived his mistress so averse to it, he never urged it with
+vehemence, nor was at all anxious on that score, being easily induced
+to defer a ceremony, which, as he then thought, could in no shape
+have added to their satisfaction, though he hath since altered his
+sentiments. Be that as it will, his indulgent mistress, in order to
+set his mind at ease in that particular, and in full confidence of his
+honour, insisted on his accepting a deed of gift of her whole fortune,
+in consideration of her intended marriage; and, after some difficulty,
+he was prevailed upon to receive this proof of her esteem, well knowing
+that it would still be in his power to return the obligation. Though she
+often entreated him to take upon himself the entire administration of
+her finances, and upon divers occasions pressed him to accept of large
+sums, he never once abused her generous disposition, or solicited her
+for money, except for some humane purpose, which she was always more
+ready to fulfil than he to propose.
+
+"In the course of this correspondence, he became acquainted with some
+of her female relations, and, among the rest, with a young lady, so
+eminently adorned with all the qualifications of mind and person, that,
+notwithstanding all his philosophy and caution, he could not behold and
+converse with her, without being deeply smitten with her charms. He did
+all in his power to discourage this dangerous invasion in the beginning,
+and to conceal the least symptom of it from her relation; he summoned
+all his reflection to his aid, and, thinking it would be base and
+dishonest to cherish any sentiment repugnant to the affection which he
+owed to a mistress who had placed such unlimited confidence in him, he
+attempted to stifle the infant flame, by avoiding the amiable inspirer
+of it. But the passion had taken too deep a root in his heart to be
+so easily extirpated; his absence from the dear object increased
+the impatience of his love: the intestine conflict between that and
+gratitude deprived him of his rest and appetite. He was, in a short
+time, emaciated by continual watching, anxiety, and want of nourishment,
+and so much altered from his usual cheerfulness, that his mistress,
+being surprised and alarmed at the change, which, from the symptoms, she
+judged was owing to some uneasiness of mind, took all imaginable
+pains to discover the cause. In all probability it did not escape her
+penetration; for she more than once asked if he was in love with her
+cousin; protesting that, far from being an obstacle to his happiness,
+she would, in that case, be an advocate for his passion. However,
+this declaration was never made without manifest signs of anxiety and
+uneasiness, which made such an impression upon the heart of M--, that he
+resolved to sacrifice his happiness, and even his life, rather than take
+any step which might be construed into an injury or insult to a person
+who had treated him with such generosity and goodness.
+
+"In consequence of this resolution, he formed another, which was to go
+abroad, under pretence of recovering his health, but in reality to avoid
+the temptation, as well as the suspicion of being inconstant; and in
+this design he was confirmed by his physician, who actually thought him
+in the first stage of a consumption, and therefore advised him to repair
+to the south of France. He communicated his design, with the doctor's
+opinion, to the lady, who agreed to it with much less difficulty than he
+found in conquering his own reluctance at parting with the dear object
+of his love. The consent of his generous mistress being obtained, he
+waited upon her with the instrument whereby she had made the conveyance
+of her fortune to him; and all his remonstrances being insufficient
+to persuade her to take it back, he cancelled it in her presence,
+and placed it in that state upon her toilet, while she was dressing;
+whereupon she shed a torrent of tears, saying, she now plainly perceived
+that he wanted to tear himself from her, and that his affections were
+settled upon another. He was sensibly affected by this proof of her
+concern, and endeavoured to calm the perturbation of her mind, by vowing
+eternal fidelity, and pressing her to accept of his hand in due form
+before his departure. By these means her transports were quieted for the
+present, and the marriage deferred for the same prudential reasons which
+had hitherto prevented it.
+
+"Matters being thus compromised, and the day fixed for his departure,
+she, together with her faithful maid, one morning visited him for the
+first time at his own lodgings; and, after breakfast, desiring to speak
+with him in private, he conducted her into another room, where assuming
+an unusual gravity of aspect, 'My dear M--,' said she, 'you are now
+going to leave me, and God alone knows if ever we shall meet again;
+therefore, if you really love me with that tenderness which you profess,
+you will accept of this mark of my friendship and unalterable affection;
+it will at least be a provision for your journey, and if an accident
+should befall me, before I have the happiness of receiving you again
+into my arms, I shall have the satisfaction of knowing that you are
+not altogether without resource.' So saying, she put an embroidered
+pocket-book into his hand. He expressed the high sense he had of her
+generosity and affection in the most pathetic terms, and begged leave
+to suspend his acceptance, until he should know the contents of her
+present, which was so extraordinary, that he absolutely refused to
+receive it. He was, however, by her repeated entreaties, in a manner
+compelled to receive about one-half, and she afterwards insisted upon
+his taking a reinforcement of a considerable sum for the expense of his
+journey.
+
+"Having stayed with her ten days beyond the time he had fixed for his
+departure, and settled the method of their correspondence, he took his
+leave, with a heart full of sorrow, anxiety, and distraction, produced
+from the different suggestions of his duty and love. He then set out for
+France, and, after a short stay at Paris, proceeded to Aix in Provence,
+and from thence to Marseilles, at which two places he continued for some
+months. But nothing he met with being able to dissipate those melancholy
+ideas which still preyed upon his imagination, and affected his spirits,
+he endeavoured to elude them with a succession of new objects; and, with
+that view, persuaded a counsellor of the parliament of Aix, a man of
+great worth, learning, and good-humour, to accompany him in making a
+tour of those parts of France which he had not yet seen. On their return
+from this excursion, they found at Aix an Italian abbe, a person of
+character, and great knowledge of men and books, who, having travelled
+all over Germany and France, was so far on his return to his own
+country.
+
+"M-- having, by means of his friend the counsellor, contracted an
+acquaintance with this gentleman, and, being desirous of seeing some
+parts of Italy, particularly the carnival at Venice, they set out
+together from Marseilles in a tartan for Genoa, coasting it all the
+way, and lying on shore every night. Having shown him what was most
+remarkable in this city, his friend the abbe was so obliging as to
+conduct him through Tuscany, and the most remarkable cities in Lombardy,
+to Venice, where M-- insisted upon defraying the expense of the whole
+tour, in consideration of the abbe's complaisance, which had been
+of infinite service to him in the course of this expedition. Having
+remained five weeks at Venice, he was preparing to set out for Rome,
+with some English gentlemen whom he had met by accident, when he was
+all of a sudden obliged to change his resolution by some disagreeable
+letters which he received from London. He had, from his first departure,
+corresponded with his generous, though inconstant mistress, with a
+religious exactness and punctuality; nor was she, for some time, less
+observant of the agreement they had made. Nevertheless, she, by degrees,
+became so negligent and cold in her expression, and so slack in her
+correspondence, that he could not help observing and upbraiding her with
+such indifference; and her endeavours to palliate it were supported by
+pretexts so frivolous, as to be easily seen through by a lover of very
+little discernment.
+
+"While he tortured himself with conjectures about the cause of this
+unexpected change, he received such intelligence from England, as, when
+joined with what he himself had perceived by her manner of writing,
+left him little or no room to doubt of her fickleness and inconstancy.
+Nevertheless, as he knew by experience that informations of that kind
+are not to be entirely relied upon, he resolved to be more certainly
+apprised: and, for that end, departed immediately for London, by the
+way of Tyrol, Bavaria, Alsace, and Paris. On his arrival in England, he
+learned, with infinite concern, that his intelligence had not been
+at all exaggerated; and his sorrow was inexpressible to find a person
+endowed with so many other noble and amiable qualities, seduced into
+an indiscretion, that of necessity ruined the whole plan which had been
+concerted between them for their mutual happiness. She made several
+attempts, by letters and interviews, to palliate her conduct, and soften
+him into a reconciliation; but his honour being concerned, he remained
+deaf to all her entreaties and proposals. Nevertheless, I have often
+heard him say, that he could not help loving her, and revering the
+memory of a person to whose generosity and goodness he owed his fortune,
+and one whose foibles were overbalanced by a thousand good qualities. He
+often insisted on making restitution; but far from complying with that
+proposal, she afterwards often endeavoured to lay him under yet greater
+obligations of the same kind, and importuned him with the warmest
+solicitations to renew their former correspondence, which he as often
+declined.
+
+"M-- took this instance of the inconstancy of the sex so much to
+heart, that he had almost resolved for the future to keep clear of all
+engagements for life, and returned to Paris, in order to dissipate his
+anxiety, where he hired an apartment in one of the academies, in the
+exercises whereof he took singular delight. During his residence at
+this place, he had the good fortune to ingratiate himself with a
+great general, a descendant of one of the most ancient and illustrious
+families in France; having attracted his notice by some remarks he had
+written on Folard's Polybius, which were accidentally shown to that
+great man by one of his aides-de-camp, who was a particular friend of
+M--. The favour he had thus acquired was strengthened by his assiduities
+and attention. Upon his return to London, he sent some of Handel's
+newest compositions to the prince, who was particularly fond of that
+gentleman's productions, together with Clark's edition of Caesar; and,
+in the spring of the same year, before the French army took the field,
+he was honoured with a most obliging letter from the prince, inviting
+him to come over, if he wanted to see the operations of the campaign,
+and desiring he would give himself no trouble about his equipage.
+
+"M-- having still some remains of a military disposition, and this to be
+a more favourable opportunity than any he should ever meet with again,
+readily embraced the offer, and sacrificed the soft delights of love,
+which at that time he enjoyed without control, to an eager, laborious,
+and dangerous curiosity. In that and the following campaign, during
+which he was present at the siege of Philipsburgh, and several other
+actions, he enlarged his acquaintance among the French officers,
+especially those of the graver sort, who had a taste for books and
+literature; and the friendship and interest of those gentlemen were
+afterwards of singular service to him, though in an affair altogether
+foreign from their profession. He had all along made diligent inquiry
+into the trade and manufactures of the countries through which he had
+occasion to travel, more particularly those of Holland, England, and
+France; and, as he was well acquainted with the revenue and farms of
+this last kingdom, he saw with concern the great disadvantages under
+which our tobacco trade, the most considerable branch of our commerce
+with that people, was carried on; what inconsiderable returns were made
+to the planters, out of the low price given by the French company; and
+how much it was in the power of that company to reduce it still lower.
+M-- had formed a scheme to remedy this evil, so far as it related to the
+national loss or gain, by not permitting the duty of one penny in
+the pound, old subsidy, to be drawn back, on tobacco, re-exported. He
+demonstrated to the ministry of that time, that so inconsiderable a duty
+could not in the least diminish the demand from abroad, which was the
+only circumstance to be apprehended, and that the yearly produce of that
+revenue would amount to one hundred and twenty thousand pounds, without
+one shilling additional expense to the public; but the ministry having
+the excise scheme then in contemplation, could think of no other till
+that should be tried; and that project having miscarried, he renewed his
+application, when they approved of his scheme in every particular, but
+discovered a surprising backwardness to carry it into execution.
+
+"His expectations in this quarter being disappointed, he, by the
+interposition of his friends, presented a plan to the French company, in
+which he set forth the advantages that would accrue to themselves from
+fixing the price, and securing that sort of tobacco which best suited
+the taste of the public and their manufacture; and finally proposed to
+furnish them with any quantity, at the price which they paid in the port
+of London.
+
+"After some dispute, they agreed to this proposal, and contracted
+with him for fifteen thousand hogsheads a year, for which they obliged
+themselves to pay ready money, on its arrival in any one or more
+convenient ports in the south or western coasts of Great Britain that he
+should please to fix upon for that purpose. M-- no sooner obtained this
+contract, than he immediately set out for America, in order to put it
+in execution; and, by way of companion, carried with him a little French
+abbe, a man of humour, wit, and learning, with whom he had been long
+acquainted, and for whom he had done many good offices.
+
+"On his arrival in Virginia, which opportunely happened at a time when
+all the gentlemen were assembled in the capital of that province, he
+published a memorial, representing the disadvantages under which their
+trade was carried on, the true method of redressing their own grievances
+in that respect, and proposing to contract with them for the yearly
+quantity of fifteen thousand hogsheads of such tobacco as was fit for
+the French market, at the price which he demonstrated to be considerably
+greater than that which they had formerly received. This remonstrance
+met with all the success and encouragement he could expect. The
+principal planters, seeing their own interest concerned, readily
+assented to the proposal, which, through their influence, was also
+relished by the rest; and the only difficulty that remained, related to
+the security for payment of the bills on the arrival of the tobacco in
+England, and to the time stipulated for the continuance of the contract.
+
+"In order to remove these objections, Mr. M-- returned to Europe, and
+found the French company of farmers disposed to agree to everything he
+desired for facilitating the execution of the contract, and perfectly
+well pleased with the sample which he had already sent; but his
+good friend the abbe, whom he had left behind him in America, by an
+unparalleled piece of treachery, found means to overturn the whole
+project. He secretly wrote a memorial to the company, importing, that he
+found, by experience, M-- could afford to furnish them at a much lower
+price than that which they had agreed to give; and that, by being in
+possession of the contract for five years, as was intended according to
+the proposal, he would have the company so much in his power, that they
+must afterwards submit to any price he should please to impose; and
+that, if they thought him worth of such a trust, he would undertake to
+furnish them at an easier rate, in conjunction with some of the leading
+men in Virginia and Maryland, with whom, he said, he had already
+concerted measures for that purpose.
+
+"The company were so much alarmed at these insinuations, that they
+declined complying with Mr. M--'s demands until the abbe's return; and,
+though they afterwards used all their endeavours to persuade him to be
+concerned with that little traitor in his undertaking, by which he
+might still have been a very considerable gainer, he resisted all their
+solicitations, and plainly told them, in the abbe's presence, that
+he would never prostitute his own principles so far, as to enter into
+engagements of any kind with a person of his character, much less in a
+scheme that had a manifest tendency to lower the market price of tobacco
+in England.
+
+"Thus ended a project the most extensive, simple, and easy, and, as
+appeared by the trial made, the best calculated to raise an immense
+fortune of any that was ever undertaken or planned by a private person;
+a project, in the execution of which M-- had the good of the public, and
+the glory of putting in a flourishing condition the valuable branch of
+our trade which gives employment to two great provinces and above two
+hundred sail of ships, much more at heart than his own private interest.
+It was reasonable to expect, that a man whose debts M-- had paid more
+than once, whom he had obliged in many other respects, and whom he had
+carried with him at a very considerable expense, on this expedition,
+merely with a view of bettering his fortune, would have acted with
+common honesty, if not with gratitude; but such was the depravity
+of this little monster's heart, that, on his deathbed, he left a
+considerable fortune to mere strangers, with whom he had little or no
+connection, without the least thought of refunding the money advanced
+for him by M--, in order to prevent his rotting in a jail.
+
+"When M-- had once obtained a command of money, he, by his knowledge
+in several branches of trade, as well as by the assistance of some
+intelligent friends at Paris and London, found means to employ it to
+very good purpose; and had he been a man of that selfish disposition,
+which too much prevails in the world, he might have been at this day
+master of a very ample fortune; but his ear was never deaf to the voice
+of distress, nor his beneficent heart shut against the calamities of his
+fellow-creatures. He was even ingenious in contriving the most
+delicate methods of relieving modest indigence, and, by his industrious
+benevolence, often anticipated the requests of misery.
+
+"I could relate a number of examples to illustrate my assertions, in
+some of which you would perceive the most disinterested generosity;
+but such a detail would trespass too much upon your time, and I do not
+pretend to dwell upon every minute circumstance of his conduct. Let it
+suffice to say, that, upon the declaration of war in Spain, he gave up
+all his commercial schemes, and called in his money from all quarters,
+with a view of sitting down, for the rest of his life, contented with
+what he had got, and restraining his liberalities to what he could spare
+from his yearly income. This was a very prudential resolution, could
+he have kept it; but, upon the breaking out of the war, he could not
+without concern see many gentlemen of merit, who had been recommended
+to him, disappointed of commissions, merely for want of money to satisfy
+the expectations of the commission-brokers of that time; and therefore
+launched out considerable sums for them on their bare notes, great part
+whereof was lost by the death of some in the unfortunate expedition
+to the West Indies. He at length, after many other actions of the like
+nature, from motives of pure humanity, love of justice, and abhorrence
+of oppression, embarked in a cause, every way the most important that
+ever came under the discussion of the courts of law in these kingdoms;
+whether it be considered in relation to the extraordinary nature of the
+case, or the immense property of no less than fifty thousand pounds a
+year, and three peerages that depended upon it.
+
+"In the year 1740, the brave admiral who at that time commanded his
+majesty's fleet in the West Indies, among the other transactions of his
+squadron transmitted to the duke of Newcastle, mentioned a young man,
+who, though in the capacity of a common sailor on board one of the ships
+under his command, laid claim to the estate and titles of the earl of
+A--. These pretensions were no sooner communicated in the public papers,
+than they became the subject of conversation in all companies; and the
+person whom they chiefly affected, being alarmed at the appearance of a
+competitor, though at such a distance, began to put himself in motion,
+and take all the precautions which he thought necessary to defeat
+the endeavour of the young upstart. Indeed, the early intelligence he
+received of Mr. A--'s making himself known in the West Indies, furnished
+him with numberless advantages over that unhappy young gentleman; for,
+being in possession of a splendid fortune, and lord of many manors in
+the neighbourhood of the very place where the claimant was born, he
+knew all the witnesses who could give the most material evidence of his
+legitimacy; and, if his probity did not restrain him, had, by his power
+and influence, sufficient opportunity and means of applying to the
+passions and interests of the witnesses, to silence many, and gain over
+others to his side; while his competitor, by an absence of fifteen
+or sixteen years from his native country, the want of education and
+friends, together with his present helpless situation, was rendered
+absolutely incapable of taking any step for his own advantage. And
+although his worthy uncle's conspicuous virtue, and religious regard for
+justice and truth, might possibly be an unconquerable restraint to his
+taking any undue advantages, yet the consciences of that huge army
+of emissaries he kept in pay were not altogether so very tender and
+scrupulous. This much, however, may be said, without derogation from,
+or impeachment of, the noble earl's nice virtue and honour, that he
+took care to compromise all differences with the other branches of the
+family, whose interests were, in this affair, connected with his own,
+by sharing the estate with them, and also retained most of the eminent
+counsel within the bar of both kingdoms against this formidable bastard,
+before any suit was instituted by him.
+
+"While he was thus entrenching himself against the attack of a poor
+forlorn youth, at the distance of fifteen hundred leagues, continually
+exposed to the dangers of the sea, the war, and an unhealthy climate,
+Mr. M--, in the common course of conversation, chanced to ask some
+questions relating to this romantic pretender, of one H--, who was at
+that time the present Lord A--'s chief agent. This man, when pressed,
+could not help owning that the late Lord A-- actually left a son, who
+had been spirited away into America soon after his father's death, but
+said he did not know whether this was the same person. This information
+could not fail to make an impression on the humanity of Mr. M--, who,
+being acquainted with the genius of the wicked party who had possessed
+themselves of this unhappy young man's estate and honours, expressed
+no small anxiety and apprehension lest they should take him off by some
+means or other; and, even then, seemed disposed to contribute
+towards the support of the friendless orphan, and to inquire more
+circumstantially into the nature of his claim. In the meantime his
+occasions called him to France, and during his absence Mr. A-- arrived
+in London in the month of October, 174l."
+
+Here the clergyman was interrupted by Peregrine, who said there was
+something so extraordinary, not to call it improbable, in the account he
+had heard of the young gentleman's being sent into exile, that he would
+look upon himself as infinitely obliged to the doctor, if he would
+favour him with a true representation of that transaction, as well as of
+the manner in which he arrived and was known at the Island of Jamaica.
+
+The parson, in compliance with our hero's request, taking up the story
+from the beginning, "Mr. A--," said he, "is the son of Arthur, late lord
+baron of A--, by his wife Mary S--, natural daughter to John, duke of
+B-- and N--, whom he publicly married on the 21st day of July, 1706,
+contrary to the inclination of his mother, and all his other relations,
+particularly of Arthur, late earl of A--, who bore an implacable enmity
+to the duke her father, and, for that reason, did all that lay in his
+power to traverse the marriage; but, finding his endeavours ineffectual,
+he was so much offended, that he would never be perfectly reconciled to
+Lord A--, though he was his presumptive heir. After their nuptials,
+they cohabited together in England for the space of two or three years,
+during which she miscarried more than once; and he being a man of
+levity, and an extravagant disposition, not only squandered away all
+that he had received of his wife's fortune, but also contracted many
+considerable debts, which obliged him to make a precipitate retreat into
+Ireland, leaving his lady behind him in the house with his mother and
+sister, who, having also been averse to the match, had always looked
+upon her with eyes of disgust.
+
+"It was not likely that harmony should long subsist in this family,
+especially as Lady A-- was a woman of a lofty spirit, who could not
+tamely bear insults and ill-usage from persons who, she had reason to
+believe, were her enemies at heart. Accordingly, a misunderstanding
+soon happened among them, which was fomented by the malice of one of her
+sisters-in-law. Divers scandalous reports of her misconduct, to which
+the empty pretensions of a vain wretched coxcomb, who was made use of
+as an infamous tool for that purpose, gave a colourable pretext,
+were trumped up, and transmitted, with many false and aggravating
+circumstances, to her husband in Ireland; who, being a giddy, unthinking
+man, was so much incensed at these insinuations, that, in the first
+transports of his passion, he sent to his mother a power of attorney,
+that she might sue for a divorce in his behalf. A libel was thereupon
+exhibited, containing many scandalous allegations, void of any real
+foundation in truth; but being unsupported by any manner of proof, it
+was at length dismissed with costs, after it had depended upwards of two
+years.
+
+"Lord A-- finding himself abused by the misrepresentations of his mother
+and sister, discovered an inclination to be reconciled to his lady. In
+consequence of which, she was sent over to Dublin by her father, to the
+care of a gentleman in that city; in whose house she was received by her
+husband with all the demonstrations of love and esteem. From thence he
+conducted her to his lodgings, and thence to his country house, where
+she had the misfortune to suffer a miscarriage, through fear and
+resentment of my lord's behaviour, which was often brutal and indecent.
+From the country they removed to Dublin, about the latter end of July,
+or beginning of August, 1714, where they had not long continued, when
+her ladyship was known to be again with child.
+
+"Lord A-- and his issue being next in remainder to the honours and
+estate of Arthur, earl of A--, was extremely solicitous to have a son;
+and, warned by the frequent miscarriages of his lady, resolved to curb
+the natural impatience and rusticity of his disposition, that she might
+not, as formerly, suffer by his outrageous conduct. He accordingly
+cherished her with uncommon tenderness and care; and her pregnancy being
+pretty far advanced, conducted her to his country seat, where she was
+delivered of Mr. A--, about the latter end of April, or beginning of
+May; for none of the witnesses have been able, at this distance, with
+absolute certainty to fix the precise time of his birth, and there
+was no register kept in the parish. As an additional misfortune, no
+gentleman of fashion lived in that parish; nor did those who lived at
+any considerable distance care to cultivate an acquaintance with a man
+of Lord A--'s strange conduct.
+
+"Be that as it will, the occasion was celebrated by his lordship's
+tenants and dependents upon the spot, and in the neighbouring town of
+New-R--, by bonfires, illuminations, and other rejoicings; which have
+made such an impression upon the minds of the people, that in the
+place where they happened, and the contiguous parishes, several hundred
+persons have already declared their knowledge and remembrance of this
+event, in spite of the great power of the claimant's adversary in
+that quarter, and the great pains and indirect methods taken by his
+numberless agents and emissaries, as well as by those who are interested
+with him in the event of the suit, to corrupt and suppress the evidence.
+
+"Lord A--, after the birth of his son, who was sent to nurse in the
+neighbourhood, according to the custom of the country, where people of
+the highest distinction put their children out to nurse into farmhouses
+and cabins, lived in harmony with his lady for the space of two years.
+But having, by his folly and extravagance, reduced himself to great
+difficulties, he demanded the remainder of her fortune from her father,
+the duke of B--, who absolutely refused to part with a shilling until a
+proper settlement should be made on his daughter, which, by that time,
+he had put out of his own power to make, by his folly and extravagance.
+
+"As her ladyship, by her endeavours to reform the economy of her house,
+had incurred the displeasure of some idle profligate fellows, who
+had fastened themselves upon her husband, and helped to consume his
+substance, they seized this opportunity of the duke's refusal; and, in
+order to be revenged upon the innocent lady, persuaded Lord A--, that
+the only means of extracting money from his grace, would be to turn her
+away, on pretence of infidelity to his bed, for which they hinted there
+was but too much foundation. At their suggestions, a most infamous
+plan was projected; in the execution of which, one P--, a poor, unbred,
+simple country booby, whom they had decoyed into a snare, lost one of
+his ears, and the injured lady retired that same day to New-R--, where
+she continued several years. She did not, however, leave the house,
+without struggling hard to carry her child along with her; but far from
+enjoying such indulgence, strict orders were given, that the boy should
+not, for the future, be brought within her sight. This base, inhuman
+treatment, instead of answering the end proposed, produced such a
+contrary effect, that the duke of B--, by a codicil to his will, in
+which he reflects upon Lord A--'s evil temper, directed his executors to
+pay to his daughter an annuity of one hundred pounds, while her lord and
+she should continue to live separate; and this allowance was to cease on
+Lord A--'s death.
+
+"While she remained in this solitary situation, the child was
+universally known and received as the legitimate son and heir of her
+lord, whose affection for the boy was so conspicuous, that, in the midst
+of his own necessities, he never failed to maintain him in the dress and
+equipage of a young nobleman. In the course of his infancy, his father
+having often changed his place of residence, the child was put under
+the instructions of a great many different schoolmasters, so that he was
+perfectly well known in a great many different parts of the kingdom; and
+his mother seized all opportunities, which were but rare, on account of
+his father's orders to the contrary, of seeing and giving him proofs
+of her maternal tenderness, until she set out for England, after having
+been long in a declining state of health, by a paralytical disorder;
+upon the consequence of which, such dependence was placed by her
+inconsiderate husband, who was by this time reduced to extreme poverty,
+that he actually married a woman whom he had long kept as a mistress.
+This creature no sooner understood that Lady A-- was departed from
+Ireland, than she openly avowed her marriage, and went about publicly
+with Lord A--, visiting his acquaintances in the character of his wife.
+
+"From this era may be dated the beginning of Mr. A--'s misfortune. This
+artful woman, who had formerly treated the child with an appearance of
+fondness, in order to ingratiate herself with the father, now looking
+upon herself as sufficiently established in the family, thought it was
+high time to alter her behaviour with regard to the unfortunate boy;
+and accordingly, for obvious reasons, employed a thousand artifices to
+alienate the heart of the weak father from his unhappy offspring.
+Yet, notwithstanding all her insinuations, nature still maintained her
+influence in his heart; and though she often found means to irritate
+him by artful and malicious accusations, his resentment never extended
+farther than fatherly correction. She would have found it impossible
+to accomplish his ruin, had not her efforts been reinforced by a new
+auxiliary, who was no other than his uncle, the present usurper of
+his title and estate; yet even this confederacy was overawed, in some
+measure, by the fear of alarming the unfortunate mother, until her
+distemper increased to a most deplorable degree of the dead palsy, and
+the death of her father had reduced her to a most forlorn and abject
+state of distress. Then they ventured upon the execution of their
+projects; and, though their aims were widely different, concurred in
+their endeavours to remove the hapless boy, as the common obstacle to
+both.
+
+"Lord A-- who, as I have already observed, was a man of weak intellects,
+and utterly void of any fixed principle of action, being by this time
+reduced to such a pitch of misery, that he was often obliged to pawn his
+wearing apparel in order to procure the common necessaries of life; and
+having no other fund remaining, with which he could relieve his present
+necessities, except a sale of the reversion of the A-- estate, to
+which the nonage of his son was an effectual bar, he was advised by
+his virtuous brother, and the rest of his counsellors, to surmount this
+difficulty, by secreting his son, and spreading a report of his death.
+This honest project he the more readily embraced, because he knew that
+no act of his could frustrate the child's succession. Accordingly, the
+boy was removed from the school at which he was then boarded, to the
+house of one K--, an agent and accomplice of the present earl of A--,
+where he was kept for several months closely confined; and, in the
+meantime, it was industriously reported that he was dead.
+
+"This previous measure being taken, Lord A-- published advertisements
+in the gazettes, offering reversions of the A-- estate to sale; and
+emissaries of various kinds were employed to inveigle such as were
+ignorant of the nature of the settlement of these estates, or strangers
+to the affairs of his family. Some people, imposed upon by the report of
+the child's death, were drawn in to purchase, thinking themselves safe
+in the concurrence of his lordship's brother, upon presumption that
+he was next in remainder to the succession; others, tempted by the
+smallness of the price, which rarely exceeded half a year's purchase, as
+appears by many deeds, though they doubted the truth of the boy's being
+dead, ran small risks, on the contingency of his dying before he should
+be of age, or in hopes of his being prevailed upon to confirm the grants
+of his father; and many more were treating with him on the same notions,
+when their transactions were suddenly interrupted, and the scheme
+of raising more money for the present, defeated by the unexpected
+appearance of the boy, who, being naturally sprightly and impatient of
+restraint, had found means to break from his confinement, and wandered
+up and down the streets of Dublin, avoiding his father's house, and
+choosing to encounter all sorts of distress, rather than subject himself
+again to the cruelty and malice of the woman who supplied his mother's
+place. Thus debarred his father's protection, and destitute of any fixed
+habitation, he herded with all the loose, idle, and disorderly youths in
+Dublin, skulking chiefly about the college, several members and students
+of which, taking pity on his misfortunes, supplied him at different
+times with clothes and money. In this unsettled and uncomfortable way
+of life did he remain, from the year 1725 to the latter end of November,
+1727; at which time his father died, so miserably poor, that he was
+actually buried at the public expense.
+
+"This unfortunate nobleman was no sooner dead, than his brother Richard,
+now earl of A--, taking advantage of the nonage and helpless situation
+of his nephew, seized upon all the papers of the defunct, and afterwards
+usurped the title of Lord A--, to the surprise of the servants,
+and others who were acquainted with the affairs of the family. This
+usurpation, bold as it was, produced no other effect than that of his
+being insulted by the populace as he went through the streets, and the
+refusal of the king-at-arms to enrol the certificate of his brother's
+having died without issue. The first of these inconveniences he bore
+without any sense of shame, though not without repining, conscious that
+it would gradually vanish with the novelty of his invasion; and as to
+the last, he conquered it by means well known and obvious.
+
+"Nor will it seem strange, that he should thus invade the rights of an
+orphan with impunity, if people will consider, that the late Lord
+A-- had not only squandered away his fortune with the most ridiculous
+extravagance, but also associated himself with low company, so that he
+was little known, and less regarded, by persons of any rank and figure
+in life; and his child, of consequence, debarred of the advantages
+which might have accrued from valuable connections. And though it was
+universally known, that Lady A-- had a son in Ireland, such was the
+obscurity in which the father had lived, during the last years of his
+life, that few of the nobility could be supposed to be acquainted with
+the particular circumstances of a transaction in which they had no
+concern, and which had happened at the distance of twelve years before
+the date of this usurpation. Moreover, as their first information was no
+other than common fame, the public clamour occasioned by the separation
+might inspire such as were strangers to the family affairs with a
+mistaken notion of the child's having been born about or after the time
+of that event. The hurry and bustle occasioned by the arrival of the
+lord-lieutenant about this period, the reports industriously propagated
+of the claimant's death, the obscurity and concealment in which the boy
+was obliged to live, in order to elude the wicked attempts of his uncle,
+might also contribute to his peaceable enjoyment of an empty title. And
+lastly, Lord Chancellor W--, whose immediate province it was to issue
+writs for parliament, was an utter stranger in Ireland, unacquainted
+with the descents of families, and consequently did not examine farther
+than the certificate enrolled in the books of the king-at-arms. Over and
+above these circumstances, which naturally account for the success of
+the imposture, it may be observed, that the hapless youth had not one
+relation alive, on the side of his father, whose interest it was not to
+forward or connive at his destruction; that his grandfather, the duke
+of B--, was dead; and that his mother was then in England, in a forlorn,
+destitute, dying condition, secreted from the world, and even from her
+own relations, by her woman Mary H--, who had a particular interest to
+secrete her, and altogether dependent upon a miserable and precarious
+allowance from the duchess of B--, to whose caprice she was moreover a
+most wretched slave.
+
+"Notwithstanding these concurring circumstances in favour of the
+usurper, he did not think himself secure while the orphan had any chance
+of finding a friend who would undertake his cause; and therefore laid
+a plan for his being kidnapped, and sent to America as a slave. His
+coadjutor in this inhuman scheme was a person who carried on the trade
+of transporting servants to our plantations, and was deeply interested
+on this occasion, having, for a mere trifle, purchased of the late
+Lord A--, the reversion of a considerable part of the A-- estate, which
+shameful bargain was confirmed by the brother, but could never take
+place, unless the boy could be effectually removed.
+
+"Everything being settled with this auxiliary, several ruffians were
+employed in search of the unhappy victim; and the first attempt that was
+made upon him, in which his uncle personally assisted, happening near
+one of the great markets of the city of Dublin, an honest butcher, with
+the assistance of his neighbours, rescued him by force from their cruel
+hands. This, however, was but a short respite; for, though warned by
+this adventure, the boy seldom crept out of his lurking-places, without
+the most cautious circumspection, he was, in March, 1727, discovered
+by the diligence of his persecutors, and forcibly dragged on board of
+a ship bound for Newcastle, on Delaware river in America, where he
+was sold as a slave, and kept to hard labour, much above his age
+or strength, for the space of thirteen years, during which he was
+transferred from one person to another.
+
+"While he remained in this servile situation, he often mentioned,
+to those in whom he thought such confidence might be placed, the
+circumstances of his birth and title, together with the manner of his
+being exiled from his native country, although, in this particular, he
+neglected a caution which he had received in his passage, importing that
+such a discovery would cost him his life. Meanwhile the usurper quietly
+enjoyed his right; and to those who questioned him about his brother's
+son, constantly replied, that the boy had been dead for several years.
+And Arthur, earl of A--, dying in April 1737, he, upon pretence of being
+next heir, succeeded to the honours and estate of that nobleman.
+
+"The term of the nephew's bondage, which had been lengthened out beyond
+the usual time, on account of his repeated attempts to escape, being
+expired in the year 1739, he hired himself as a common sailor in a
+trading vessel bound to Jamaica; and there, being entered on board of
+one of his majesty's ships under the command of Admiral Vernon, openly
+declared his parentage and pretensions. This extraordinary claim, which
+made a great noise in the fleet, reaching the ears of one Lieutenant
+S--, nearly related to the usurper's Irish wife, he believed the young
+gentleman to be an impostor; and, thinking it was incumbent on him to
+discover the cheat, he went on board the ship to which the claimant
+belonged, and, having heard the account which he gave of himself, was,
+notwithstanding his prepossessions, convinced of the truth of what
+he alleged. On his return to his own ship, he chanced to mention this
+extraordinary affair upon the quarter-deck, in the hearing of Mr. B--,
+one of the midshipmen, who had formerly been at school with Mr. A--.
+This young gentleman not only told the lieutenant, that he had been
+school-fellow with Lord A--'s son, but also declared that he should know
+him again, if not greatly altered, as he still retained a perfect idea
+of his countenance.
+
+"Upon this intimation, the lieutenant proposed that the experiment
+should be tried; and went with the midshipman on board the ship that
+the claimant was on, for that purpose. After all the sailors had been
+assembled upon deck, Mr. B--, casting his eyes around, immediately
+distinguished Mr. A-- in the crowd, and, laying his hand on his
+shoulder, 'This is the man,' said he; affirming, at the same time, that,
+while he continued at school with him, the claimant was reputed and
+respected as Lord A--'s son and heir, and maintained in all respects
+suitable to the dignity of his rank. Nay, he was, in like manner,
+recognised by several other persons in the fleet, who had known him in
+his infancy.
+
+"These things being reported to the admiral, he generously ordered him
+to be supplied with necessaries, and treated like a gentleman; and, in
+his next despatches, transmitted an account of the affair to the duke of
+Newcastle, among the other transactions of the fleet.
+
+"In September or October, 1741, Mr. A-- arrived in London; and the first
+person to whom he applied for advice and assistance was a man of the
+law, nearly related to the families of A-- and A--, and well acquainted
+with the particular affairs of each; who, far from treating him as a
+bastard and impostor, received him with civility and seeming kindness,
+asked him to eat, presented him with a piece of money, and, excusing
+himself from meddling in the affair, advised him to go to Ireland, as
+the most proper place for commencing a suit for the recovery of his
+right.
+
+"Before the young gentleman had an opportunity, or indeed any
+inclination, to comply with this advice, he was accidentally met in
+the street by that same H--, who, as I have mentioned, gave Mr. M-- the
+first insight into the affair. This man immediately knew the claimant,
+having been formerly an agent for his father, and afterwards a creature
+of his uncle's, with whom he was, not without reason, suspected to be
+concerned in kidnapping and transporting his nephew. Be that as it will,
+his connections with the usurper were now broken off by a quarrel, in
+consequence of which he had thrown up his agency; and he invited the
+hapless stranger to his house, with a view of making all possible
+advantage of such a guest.
+
+"There he had not long remained, when his treacherous landlord,
+tampering with his inexperience, effected a marriage between him and the
+daughter of one of his own friends, who lodged in his house at the same
+time. But afterwards, seeing no person of consequence willing to espouse
+his cause, he looked upon him as an encumbrance, and wanted to rid
+his hands of him accordingly. He remembered that Mr. M-- had expressed
+himself with all the humanity of apprehension in favour of the
+unfortunate young nobleman, before his arrival in England; and, being
+well acquainted with the generosity of his disposition, he no sooner
+understood that he was returned from France, than he waited upon him
+with an account of Mr. A--'s being safely arrived. Mr. M-- was sincerely
+rejoiced to find, that a person who had been so cruelly injured, and
+undergone so long and continued a scene of distress, was restored to
+a country where he was sure of obtaining justice, and where every good
+man, as he imagined, would make the cause his own. And being informed
+that the youth was in want of necessaries, he gave twenty guineas to H--
+for his use, and promised to do him all the service in his power;
+but had no intention to take upon himself the whole weight of such an
+important affair, or indeed to appear in the cause, until he should be
+fully and thoroughly satisfied that the claimant's pretensions were well
+founded.
+
+"In the meantime, H-- insinuating that the young gentleman was not
+safe in his present lodging from the machinations of his enemies, M--
+accommodated him with an apartment in his own house; where he was at
+great pains to remedy the defect in his education, by rendering him fit
+to appear as a gentleman in the world. Having received from him all the
+intelligence he could give relating to his own affair, he laid the case
+before counsel, and despatched a person to Ireland, to make further
+inquiries upon the same subject; who, in his first arrival in that
+kingdom, found the claimant's birth was as publicly known as any
+circumstance of that kind could possibly be, at so great a distance of
+time.
+
+"The usurper and his friends gave all the interruption in their power to
+any researches concerning that affair; and had recourse to every art
+and expedient that could be invented, to prevent its being brought to
+a legal discussion. Privilege, bills in chancery, orders of court
+surreptitiously and illegally obtained, and every other invention was
+made use of to bar and prevent a fair and honest trial by a jury. The
+usurper himself, and his agents, at the same time that they formed
+divers conspiracies against his life, in vain endeavoured to detach
+Mr. M-- from the orphan's cause, by innumerable artifices, insinuating,
+cajoling, and misrepresenting, with surprising dexterity and
+perseverance.
+
+"His protector, far from being satisfied with their reasons, was not
+only deaf to their remonstrances, but, believing him in danger from
+their repeated efforts, had him privately conveyed into the country;
+where an unhappy accident, which he hath ever since sincerely regretted,
+furnished his adversary with a colourable pretext to cut him off in the
+beginning of his career.
+
+"A man happening to lose his life by the accidental discharge of a piece
+that chanced to be in a young gentleman's hands, the account of this
+misfortune no sooner reached the ears of his uncle, than he expressed
+the most immoderate joy at having found so good a handle for destroying
+him, under colour of law. He immediately constituted himself prosecutor,
+set his emissaries at work to secure a coroner's inquest suited to his
+cruel purposes; set out for the place in person, to take care that the
+prisoner should not escape; insulted him in jail, in the most inhuman
+manner; employed a whole army of attorneys and agents, to spirit up and
+carry on a most virulent prosecution; practised all the unfair methods
+that could be invented, in order that the unhappy gentleman should be
+transported to Newgate, from the healthy prison to which he was at first
+committed; endeavoured to inveigle him into destructive confessions;
+and, not to mention other more infamous arts employed in the affair of
+evidence, attempted to surprise him upon his trial in the absence of
+his witnesses and counsel, contrary to a previous agreement with the
+prosecutor's own attorney. Nay, he even appeared in person upon the
+bench at the trial, in order to intimidate the evidence, and browbeat
+the unfortunate prisoner at the bar, and expended above a thousand
+pounds in that prosecution. In spite of all his wicked efforts, however,
+which were defeated by the spirit and indefatigable industry of Mr.
+M--, the young gentleman was honourably acquitted, to the evident
+satisfaction of all the impartial; the misfortune, that gave a handle
+for that unnatural prosecution, appearing to a demonstration to have
+been a mere accident.
+
+"In a few months, his protector, who had now openly espoused his cause,
+taking with him two gentlemen to witness his transactions, conducted him
+to his native country, with a view to be better informed of the strength
+of his pretensions, than he could be by the intelligence he had
+hitherto received, or by the claimant's own dark and almost obliterated
+remembrance of the facts which were essential to be known. Upon their
+arrival in Dublin, application was made to those persons whom Mr.
+A-- had named as his schoolmasters and companions, together with
+the servants and neighbours of his father. These, though examined
+separately, without having the least previous intimation of what the
+claimant had reported, agreed in their accounts with him, as well as
+with one another, and mentioned many other people as acquainted with the
+same facts, to whom Mr. M-- had recourse, and still met with the same
+unvaried information. By these means, he made such progress in his
+inquiries, that, in less than two months, no fewer than one hundred
+persons, from different quarters of the kingdom, either personally,
+or by letters, communicated their knowledge of the claimant, in
+declarations consonant with one another, as well as with the accounts
+he gave of himself. Several servants who had lived with his father, and
+been deceived with the story of his death, so industriously propagated
+by his uncle, no sooner heard of his being in Dublin, than they came
+from different parts of the country to see him; and though great pains
+were taken to deceive them, they, nevertheless, knew him at first
+sight; some of them fell upon their knees to thank for his preservation,
+embraced his legs, and shed tears of joy for his return.
+
+"Although the conduct of his adversary, particularly in the
+above-mentioned prosecution, together with the evidence that already
+appeared, were sufficient to convince all mankind of the truth of the
+claimant's pretensions, Mr. M--, in order to be further satisfied,
+resolved to see how he would be received upon the spot where he was
+born; justly concluding, that if he was really an impostor, the bastard
+of a kitchen-wench, produced in a country entirely possessed by his
+enemy and his allies, he must be looked upon in that place with the
+utmost detestation and contempt.
+
+"This his intention was no sooner known to the adverse party, than their
+agents and friends from all quarters repaired to that place with all
+possible despatch, and used all their influence with the people, in
+remonstrances, threats, and all the other arts they could devise, not
+only to discountenance the claimant upon his arrival, but even to spirit
+up a mob to insult him. Notwithstanding these precautions, and the
+servile awe and subjection in which tenants are kept by their landlords
+in that part of the country, as soon as it was known that Mr. A--
+approached the town, the inhabitants crowded out in great multitudes
+to receive and welcome him, and accompanied him into town, with
+acclamations, and other expressions of joy, insomuch that the agents
+of his adversary durst not show their faces. The sovereign of the
+corporation, who was a particular creature and favourite of the usurper,
+and whose all depended upon the issue of the cause, was so conscious of
+the stranger's right, and so much awed by the behaviour of the people,
+who knew that consciousness, that he did not think it safe even to
+preserve the appearance of neutrality upon this occasion, but actually
+held the stirrup while Mr. A-- dismounted from his horse.
+
+"This sense of conviction in the people manifested itself still more
+powerfully when he returned to the same place in the year 1744, about
+which time Lord A-- being informed of his resolution, determined again
+to be beforehand with him, and set out in person, with his agents
+and friends, some of whom were detached before him to prepare for his
+reception, and induced the people to meet him in a body, and accompany
+him to town, with such expressions of welcome as they had before
+bestowed on his nephew; but, in spite of all their art and interest,
+he was suffered to pass through the street in a mournful silence; and
+though several barrels of beer were produced to court the favour of the
+populace, they had no other effect than that of drawing their ridicule
+upon the donor, whereas, when Mr. A--, two days afterwards, appeared,
+all the inhabitants, with garlands, streamers, music, and other ensigns
+of joy, crowded out to meet him, and ushered him into town with such
+demonstrations of pleasure and goodwill, that the noble peer found it
+convenient to hide himself from the resentment of his own tenants, the
+effects of which he must have severely felt, had not he been screened
+by the timely remonstrances of Mr. M--, and the other gentlemen who
+accompanied his competitor.
+
+"Nor did his apprehension vanish with the transaction of this day; the
+town was again in uproar on the Sunday following, when it was known that
+Mr. A-- intended to come thither from Dunmain to church; they went
+out to meet him as before, and conducted him to the church door with
+acclamations, which terrified his uncle to such a degree, that he fled
+with precipitation in a boat, and soon after entirely quitted the place.
+
+"It would be almost an endless task to enumerate the particular steps
+that were taken by one side to promote, and by the other to delay, the
+trial. The young gentleman's adversaries finding that they could not, by
+all the subterfuges and arts they had used, evade it, repeated attempts
+were made to assassinate him and his protector; and every obstruction
+thrown in the way of his cause which craft could invent, villainy
+execute, and undue influence confirm. But all these difficulties were
+surmounted by the vigilance, constancy, courage, and sagacity of M--;
+and, at last, the affair was brought to a very solemn trial at bar,
+which being continued, by several adjournments, from the eleventh to the
+twenty-fifth day of November, a verdict was found for the claimant by a
+jury of gentlemen, which, in point of reputation and property, cannot
+be easily paralleled in the annals of that or any other country; a jury,
+that could by no means be suspected of prepossessions in favour of Mr.
+A--, to whose person they were absolute strangers; especially if we
+consider, that a gentleman in their neighbourhood, who was nephew to
+the foreman, and nearly related to some of the rest of their number,
+forfeited a considerable estate by their decision.
+
+"This verdict," said the parson, "gave the highest satisfaction to all
+impartial persons that were within reach of being duly informed of their
+proceedings, and of the different genius and conduct of the parties
+engaged in the contest, but more especially to such as were in court, as
+I was, at the trial, and had an opportunity of observing the characters
+and behaviour of the persons who appeared there to give evidence. To
+such it was very apparent, that all the witnesses produced there on the
+part of the uncle, were either his tenants, dependents, pot-companions,
+or persons some way or other interested in the issue of the suit, and
+remarkable for a low kind of cunning; that many of them were persons
+of profligate lives, who deserved no credit; that, independent of
+the levity of their characters, those of them who went under the
+denomination of colonels, Colonel L-- alone excepted, who had nothing to
+say, and was only brought there in order to give credit to that party,
+made so ridiculous a figure, and gave so absurd, contradictory, and
+inconsistent an evidence, as no court or jury could give the least
+degree of credit to. On the other hand, it was observed, that the
+nephew and Mr. M--, his chief manager, being absolute strangers in that
+country, and unacquainted with the characters of the persons they had to
+deal with, were obliged to lay before the court and jury such evidence
+as came to their hand, some of whom plainly appeared to have been
+put upon them by their adversaries with a design to hurt. It was also
+manifest, that the witnesses produced for Mr. A--, were such as could
+have no manner of connection with him, nor any dependence whatsoever
+upon him, to influence their evidence; for the far greatest part of them
+had never seen him from his infancy till the trial began; and many of
+them, though poor, and undignified with the title of colonels, were
+people of unblemished character, of great simplicity, and such as no man
+in his senses would pitch upon to support a bad cause. It is plain that
+the jury, whose well-known honour, impartiality, and penetration, must
+be revered by all who are acquainted with them, were not under the least
+difficulty about their verdict; for they were not enclosed above half
+an hour, when they returned with it. These gentlemen could not help
+observing the great inequality of the parties engaged, the great
+advantages that the uncle had in every other respect, except the
+truth and justice of his case, over the nephew, by means of his vast
+possessions, and of his power and influence all round the place of his
+birth; nor could the contrast between the different geniuses of the two
+parties escape their observation. They could not but see and conclude,
+that a person who had confessedly transported and sold his orphan nephew
+into slavery,--who, on his return, had carried on so unwarrantable and
+cruel a prosecution to take away his life under colour of law,--and who
+had also given such glaring proofs of his skill and dexterity in the
+management of witnesses for that cruel purpose,--was in like manner
+capable of exerting the same happy talent on this occasion, when his all
+was at stake; more especially, as he had so many others who were equally
+interested with himself, and whose abilities in that respect fell
+nothing short of his own, to second him in it. The gentlemen of the
+jury had also a near view of the manner in which the witnesses delivered
+their testimonies, and had from thence an opportunity of observing
+many circumstances, and distinguishing characteristics of truth and
+falsehood, from which a great deal could be gathered, that could not
+be adequately conveyed by any printed account, how exact soever;
+consequently, they must have been much better judges of the evidence on
+which they founded their verdict than any person who had not the same
+opportunity, can possibly be.
+
+"These, Mr. Pickle, were my reflections on what I had occasion to
+observe concerning that famous trial; and, on my return to England
+two years after, I could not help pitying the self-sufficiency of some
+people, who, at this distance, pretended to pass their judgment on that
+verdict with as great positiveness as if they had been in the secrets
+of the cause, or upon the jury who tried it; and that from no better
+authority than the declamations of Lord A--'s emissaries, and some
+falsified printed accounts, artfully cooked up on purpose to mislead and
+deceive.
+
+"But to return from this digression. Lord A--, the defendant in that
+cause, was so conscious of the strength and merits of his injured
+nephew's case, and that a verdict would go against him, that he ordered
+a writ of error to be made out before the trial was ended; and the
+verdict was no sooner given, than he immediately lodged it, though
+he well knew he had no manner of error to assign. This expedient was
+practised merely for vexation and delay, in order to keep Mr. A-- from
+the possession of the small estate he had recovered by the verdict,
+that, his slender funds being exhausted, he might be deprived of other
+means to prosecute his right; and by the most oppressive contrivances
+and scandalous chicanery, it has been kept up to this day, without his
+being able to assign the least shadow of any error.
+
+"Lord A-- was not the only antagonist that Mr. A-- had to deal with;
+all the different branches of the A-- family, who had been worrying one
+another at law ever since the death of the late earl of A--, about the
+partition of his great estate, were now firmly united in an association
+against this unfortunate gentleman; mutual deeds were executed among
+them, by which many great lordships and estates were given up by the
+uncle to persons who had no right to possess them, in order to engage
+them to side with him against his nephew, in withholding the unjust
+possession of the remainder.
+
+"These confederates having held several consultations against their
+common enemy, and finding that his cause gathered daily strength since
+the trial, by the accession of many witnesses of figure and reputation,
+who had not been heard of before, and that the only chance they had
+to prevent the speedy establishment of his right, and their own
+destruction, was by stripping Mr. M-- of the little money that yet
+remained, and by stopping all further resources whereby he might be
+enabled to proceed; they therefore came to a determined resolution to
+carry that hopeful scheme into execution; and, in pursuance thereof,
+they have left no expedient or stratagem, how extraordinary or
+scandalous soever, unpractised, to distress Mr. A-- and that
+gentleman. For that end, all the oppressive arts and dilatory expensive
+contrivances that the fertile invention of the lowest pettifoggers
+of the law could possibly devise, have with dexterity been played off
+against them, in fruitless quibbling, and malicious suits, entirely
+foreign to the merits of the cause. Not to mention numberless other acts
+of oppression, the most extraordinary and unprecedented proceeding, by
+means whereof this sham writ of error hath been kept on foot ever since
+November, 1743, is to me," said the doctor, "a most flagrant instance
+not only of the prevalency of power and money, when employed, as in the
+present case, against an unfortunate helpless man, disabled, as he is,
+of the means of ascertaining his right, but of the badness of a cause
+that hath recourse to so many iniquitous expedients to support it.
+
+"In a word, the whole conduct of Lord A-- and his party, from the
+beginning to this time, hath been such as sufficiently manifests that
+it could proceed from no other motives than a consciousness of Mr.
+A--'s right, and of their own illegal usurpations, and from a terror of
+trusting the merits of their case to a fair discussion by the laws
+of their country; and that the intention and main drift of all their
+proceedings plainly tends to stifle and smother the merits of the
+case from the knowledge of the world, by oppressive arts and ingenious
+delays, rather than trust it to the candid determination of an honest
+jury. What else could be the motives of kidnapping the claimant, and
+transporting him when an infant? of the various attempts made upon his
+life since his return? of the attempts to divest him of all assistance
+to ascertain his right, by endeavouring so solicitously to prevail on
+Mr. M-- to abandon him in the beginning? of retaining an army of counsel
+before any suit had been commenced? of the many sinister attempts to
+prevent the trial at bar? of the various arts made use of to terrify any
+one from appearing as witness for the claimant, and to seduce those who
+had appeared? of the shameless, unprecedented, low tricks now practised,
+to keep him out of the possession of that estate for which he had
+obtained the verdict, thereby to disable him from bringing his cause to
+a further hearing; and of the attempts made to buy up Mr. M--'s debts,
+and to spirit up suits against him? Is it not obvious from all these
+circumstances, as well as from the obstruction they have given to the
+attorney-general's proceeding to make a report to his majesty on the
+claimant's petition to the king for the peerage, which was referred
+by his majesty to that gentleman, so far back as 1743, that all their
+efforts are bent to that one point, of stifling, rather than suffering
+the merits of this cause to come to a fair and candid hearing; and that
+the sole consideration at present between them and this unfortunate man
+is not whether he is right or wrong, but whether he shall or shall not
+find money to bring this cause to a final determination?
+
+"Lord A-- and his confederates, not thinking themselves safe with all
+these expedients, while there was a possibility of their antagonist's
+obtaining any assistance from such as humanity, compassion, generosity,
+or a love of justice, might induce to lay open their purses to his
+assistance in ascertaining his right, have, by themselves and their
+numerous emissaries, employed all the arts of calumny, slander, and
+detraction against him, by traducing his cause, vilifying his person,
+and most basely and cruelly tearing his character to pieces, by a
+thousand misrepresentations, purposely invented and industriously
+propagated in all places of resort, which is a kind of cowardly
+assassination that there is no guarding against; yet, in spite of all
+these machinations, and the shameful indifference of mankind, who
+stand aloof unconcerned, and see this unhappy gentleman most inhumanly
+oppressed by the weight of lawless power and faction, M--, far from
+suffering himself to be dejected by the multiplying difficulties
+that crowd upon him, still exerts himself with amazing fortitude and
+assiduity, and will, I doubt not, bring the affair he began and
+carried on with so much spirit, while his finances lasted, to a happy
+conclusion.
+
+"It would exceed the bounds of my intention, and, perhaps, trespass too
+much upon your time, were I to enumerate the low artifices and shameful
+quibbles by which the usurper has found means to procrastinate the
+decision of the contest between him and his hapless nephew, or to give
+a detail of the damage and perplexity which Mr. M-- has sustained, and
+been involved in, by the treachery and ingratitude of some who listed
+themselves under him in the prosecution of this affair; and by the
+villainy of others, who, under various pretences of material discoveries
+they had to make, etc., had fastened themselves upon him, and continued
+to do all the mischief in their power, until the cloven foot was
+detected.
+
+"One instance, however, is so flagrantly flagitious, that I cannot
+resist the inclination I feel to relate it, as an example of the most
+infernal perfidy that perhaps ever entered the human heart. I have
+already mentioned the part which H--n acted in the beginning of M--'s
+connection with the unfortunate stranger, and hinted that the said H--
+lay under many obligations to that gentleman before Mr. A--'s arrival
+in England. He had been chief agent to Lord A--, and, as it afterwards
+appeared, received several payments of a secret pension which that
+lord enjoyed, for which he either could not or would not account.
+His lordship, therefore, in order to compel him to it, took out writs
+against him, and his house was continually surrounded with catchpoles
+for the space of two whole years.
+
+"Mr. M-- believing, from H--'s own account of the matter, that the poor
+man was greatly injured, and prosecuted on account of his attachment to
+the unhappy young gentleman, did him all the good offices in his power,
+and became security for him on several occasions; nay, such was his
+opinion of his integrity, that, after Mr. A-- was cleared of the
+prosecution carried on against him by his uncle, his person was
+entrusted to the care of this hypocrite, who desired that the young
+gentleman might lodge at his house for the convenience of air, M--'s own
+occasions calling him often into the country.
+
+"Having thus, by his consummate dissimulation, acquired such a valuable
+charge, he wrote a letter to one of Lord A--'s attorneys, offering to
+betray Mr. A--, provided his lordship would settle his account, and give
+him a discharge for eight hundred pounds of the pension which he had
+received and not accounted for. Mr. M--, informed of this treacherous
+proposal, immediately removed his lodger from his house into his own,
+without assigning his reasons for so doing, until he was obliged to
+declare it, in order to free himself from the importunities of H--, who
+earnestly solicited his return. This miscreant finding himself detected
+and disappointed in his villainous design, was so much enraged at his
+miscarriage, that, forgetting all the benefits he had received from M--
+for a series of years, he practised all the mischief that his malice
+could contrive against him; and at length entered into a confederacy
+with one G--, and several other abandoned wretches, who, as before said,
+under various pretences of being able to make material discoveries, and
+otherwise to serve the cause, had found means to be employed in some
+extra business relating to it, though their real intention was to betray
+the claimant.
+
+"These confederates, in conjunction with some other auxiliaries of
+infamous character, being informed that Mr. M-- was on the point of
+securing a considerable sum, to enable him to prosecute Mr. A--'s right,
+and to bring it to a happy conclusion, contrived a deep-laid scheme
+to disappoint him in it, and at once to ruin the cause. And, previous
+measures being taken for that wicked purpose, they imposed upon the
+young gentleman's inexperience and credulity by insinuations equally
+false, plausible, and malicious; to which they at length gained his
+belief, by the mention of some circumstances that gave what they alleged
+an air of probability, and even of truth. They swore that Mr. M-- had
+taken out an action against him for a very large sum of money; that they
+had actually seen the writ; that the intention of it was to throw him
+into prison for life, and ruin his cause, in consequence of an agreement
+made by him with Lord A--, and his other enemies, to retrieve the money
+that he had laid out in the cause.
+
+"This plausible tale was enforced with such an air of truth, candour,
+and earnest concern for his safety, and was strengthened by so many
+imprecations and corroborating circumstances of their invention, as
+would have staggered one of much greater experience and knowledge of
+mankind than Mr. A-- could be supposed at that time to possess. The
+notion of perpetual imprisonment, and the certain ruin they made him
+believe his cause was threatened with, worked upon his imagination to
+such a degree, that he suffered himself to be led like a lamb to the
+slaughter by this artful band of villains, who secreted him at the
+lodgings of one P--, an intimate of G--'s, for several days, under
+colour of his being hunted by bailiffs employed by Mr. M--, where he was
+not only obliged by them to change his name, but even his wife was not
+suffered to have access to him.
+
+"Their design was to have sold him, or drawn him into a ruinous
+compromise with his adversaries, for a valuable consideration to
+themselves. But as no ties are binding among such a knot of villains,
+the rest of the conspirators were jockeyed by G--, who, in order to
+monopolize the advantage to himself, hurried his prize into the country,
+and secreted him even from his confederates, in a place of concealment
+one hundred miles from London, under the same ridiculous pretence of
+M--'s having taken out a writ against him, and of bailiffs being in
+pursuit of him everywhere round London.
+
+"He was no sooner there, than G--, as a previous step to the other
+villainy he intended, tricked him out of a bond for six thousand pounds,
+under colour of his having a person ready to advance the like sum upon
+it, as an immediate fund for carrying on his cause; assuring him, at
+the same time, that he had a set of gentlemen ready, who were willing
+to advance twenty-five thousand pounds more for the same purpose, and to
+allow him five hundred pounds a year for his maintenance, till his cause
+should be made an end of, provided that Mr. M-- should have no further
+concern with him and his cause.
+
+"Mr. A--, having by this time received some intimations of the deceit
+that had been put upon him, made answer, that he should look upon
+himself as a very ungrateful monster indeed, if he deserted a person who
+had saved his life, and so generously ventured his own, together with
+his fortune, in his cause, until he should first be certain of the truth
+of what was alleged of him, and absolutely rejected the proposal. G--,
+who had no other view in making it, than to cover the secret villainy he
+meditated against him, and to facilitate the execution thereof, easily
+receded from it, when he found Mr. A-- so averse to it, and undertook
+nevertheless to raise the money, adding, that he might, if he pleased,
+return to Mr. M-- whenever it was secured. The whole drift of this
+pretended undertaking to raise the twenty-five thousand pounds, was only
+to lay a foundation for a dexterous contrivance to draw Mr. A-- unwarily
+into the execution of a deed, relinquishing all his right and title,
+under a notion of its being a deed to secure the repayment of that sum.
+
+"G-- having, as he imagined, so far paved the way for the execution of
+such a deed, enters into an agreement with an agent, employed for that
+purpose by Mr. A--'s adversaries, purporting that in consideration of
+the payment of a bond for six thousand pounds, which he, G--, had, as
+he pretended, laid out in Mr. A--'s cause, and of an annuity of seven
+hundred pounds a year, he was to procure for them from Mr. A-- a deed
+ready executed, relinquishing all right and title to the A-- estate and
+honours. Everything being prepared for the execution of this infernal
+scheme, unknown to Mr. A--, G-- then thought proper to send for him
+to town from his retirement, in order, as he pretended, to execute a
+security of twenty-five thousand pounds.
+
+"This intended victim to that villain's avarice no sooner arrived in
+town, full of hopes of money to carry on his cause, and of agreeably
+surprising his friend and protector Mr. M--, with so seasonable and
+unexpected a reinforcement, than an unforeseen difficulty arose,
+concerning the payment of G--'s six-thousand-pound bond. That money was
+to have been raised out of the estate of a lunatic, which could not be
+done without the leave of the Court of Chancery, to whom an account must
+have been given of the intended application of it. While preparations
+were making to rectify this omission, G-- immediately carried Mr. A--
+again into the country, lest he should happen to be undeceived by some
+means or other.
+
+"In the meantime, this wicked machination was providentially discovered
+by Mr. M--, before it could be carried into execution, by means of the
+jealousies that arose among the conspirators themselves; and was, at the
+same time, confirmed to him by a person whom the very agent for the A--
+party had entrusted with the secret. M-- no sooner detected it, than he
+communicated his discovery to one of Mr. A--'s counsel, a man of great
+worth, and immediately thereupon took proper measures to defeat it. He
+then found means to lay open to Mr. A-- himself the treacherous scheme
+that was laid for his destruction. He was highly sensible of it, and
+could never afterwards reflect on the snare that he had so unwarily been
+drawn into, and had so narrowly escaped, without a mixture of horror,
+shame, and gratitude to his deliverer.
+
+"The consummate assurance of the monsters who were engaged in this plot,
+after they had been detected, and upbraided with their treachery, is
+scarce to be paralleled; for they not only owned the fact of spiriting
+Mr. A-- away in the manner above mentioned, but justified their doing it
+as tending to his service. They also maintained, that they had actually
+secured the twenty-five thousand pounds for him, though they never could
+name any one person who was to have advanced the money. No man was more
+active in this scheme than H--, nor any man more solicitous to keep
+Mr. A-- up in the false impressions he had received, or in projecting
+methods to ruin his protector, than he.
+
+"Among many other expedients for that purpose, a most malicious attempt
+was made to lodge an information against him, for treasonable practices,
+with the secretary of state, notwithstanding the repeated proofs he had
+given of his loyalty; and, as a preparatory step to his accusation, a
+letter, which this traitor dictated, was copied by another person, and
+actually sent to the earl of C--, importing, that the person who copied
+the letter had an affair of consequence to communicate to his lordship,
+if he would appoint a time of receiving the information. But that
+person, upon full conviction of the villainy of the scheme, absolutely
+refused to proceed further in it; so that his malice once more proved
+abortive; and before he had time to execute any other contrivance of the
+same nature, he was imprisoned in this very jail for debt.
+
+"Here, finding his creditors inexorable, and himself destitute of all
+other resource, he made application to the very man whom he had injured
+in such an outrageous manner, set forth his deplorable case in the most
+pathetic terms, and entreated him, with the most abject humility, to
+use his influence in his behalf. The distress of this varlet immediately
+disarmed M-- of his resentment, and even excited his compassion. Without
+sending any answer to his remonstrances, he interceded for him with his
+creditors; and the person to whom he was chiefly indebted, refusing to
+release him without security, this unwearied benefactor joined with the
+prisoner in a bond for above two hundred and forty pounds, for which he
+obtained his release.
+
+"He was no sooner discharged, however, than he entered into fresh
+combinations with G-- and others, in order to thwart his deliverer in
+his schemes of raising money, and otherwise to distress and deprive him
+of liberty; for which purpose, no art or industry, perjury not excepted,
+hath been spared. And, what is still more extraordinary, this perfidious
+monster having found money to take up the bond, in consequence of which
+he regained his freedom, hath procured a writ against M--, upon that
+very obligation; and taken assignments to some other debts of that
+gentleman, with the same Christian intention. But hitherto he hath, by
+surprising sagacity and unshaken resolution, baffled all their infernal
+contrivances, and retorted some of their machinations on their own
+heads. At this time, when he is supposed by some, and represented by
+others, as under the circumstances of oblivion and despondence, he
+proceeds in his design with the utmost calmness and intrepidity,
+meditating schemes, and ripening measures, that will one day confound
+his enemies, and attract the notice and admiration of mankind."
+
+Peregrine, having thanked the priest for his obliging information,
+expressed his surprise at the scandalous inattention of the world to
+an affair of such importance; observing, that, by such inhuman neglect,
+this unfortunate young gentleman, Mr. A--, was absolutely deprived of
+all the benefit of society; the sole end of which is, to protect
+the rights, redress the grievances, and promote the happiness
+of individuals. As for the character of M--, he said, it was so
+romantically singular in all its circumstances, that, though other
+motives were wanting, curiosity alone would induce him to seek his
+acquaintance. But he did not at all wonder at the ungrateful returns
+which had been made to his generosity by H-- and many others, whom he
+had served in a manner that few, besides himself, would have done; for
+he had been long convinced of the truth conveyed in these lines of a
+celebrated Italian author:--
+
+Li beneficii che, per la loro grandezza, non ponno esser guiderdonati,
+con la scelerata moneta dell' ingratitudine sono pagati.
+
+"The story which you have related of that young gentleman," said he,
+"bears a very strong resemblance to the fate of a Spanish nobleman, as
+it was communicated to me by one of his own intimate friends at Paris.
+The Countess d'Alvarez died immediately after the birth of a son, and
+the husband surviving her but three years, the child was left sole heir
+to the honours and estate, under the guardianship of his uncle, who
+had a small fortune and a great many children. This inhuman relation,
+coveting the wealth of his infant ward, formed a design against the
+life of the helpless orphan, and trusted the execution of it to his
+valet-de-chambre, who was tempted to undertake the murder by the promise
+of a considerable reward. He accordingly stabbed the boy with a knife
+in three different places, on the right side of his neck; but, as he was
+not used to such barbarous attempts, his hand failed in the performance;
+and he was seized with such remorse, that, perceiving the wounds were
+not mortal, he carried the hapless victim to the house of a surgeon,
+by whose care they were healed; and, in the meantime, that he might not
+forfeit his recompense, found means to persuade his employer, that
+his orders were performed. A bundle being made up for the purpose, was
+publicly interred as the body of the child, who was said to have been
+suddenly carried off by a convulsion; and the uncle, without opposition,
+succeeded to his honours and estate. The boy being cured of his hurts,
+was, about the age of six, delivered, with a small sum of money, to a
+merchant just embarking for Turkey; who was given to understand, that he
+was the bastard of a man of quality and that for family reasons, it was
+necessary to conceal his birth.
+
+"While the unfortunate orphan remained in this deplorable state of
+bondage, all the children of the usurper died one after another; and he
+himself being taken dangerously ill, attributed all his afflictions to
+the just judgment of God, and communicated his anxiety on that subject
+to the valet-de-chambre, who had been employed in the murder of his
+nephew. That domestic, in order to quiet his master's conscience, and
+calm the perturbation of his spirits, confessed what he had done, and
+gave him hopes of still finding the boy by dint of industry and expense.
+The unhappy child being the only hope of the family of Alvarez, the
+uncle immediately ordered a minute inquiry to be set on foot; in
+consequence of which he was informed, that the orphan had been sold to a
+Turk, who had afterwards transferred him to an English merchant, by whom
+he was conveyed to London.
+
+"An express was immediately despatched to this capital, where he
+understood that the unhappy exile had, in consideration of his faithful
+services, been bound apprentice to a French barber-surgeon; and, after
+he had sufficiently qualified himself in that profession, been received
+into the family of the Count de Gallas, at that time the emperor's
+ambassador at the court of London. From the house of this nobleman he
+was traced into the service of Count d'Oberstorf, where he had married
+his lady's chambermaid, and then gone to settle as a surgeon in Bohemia.
+
+"In the course of these inquiries, several years elapsed: his uncle, who
+was very much attached to the house of Austria, lived at Barcelona when
+the father of this empress-queen resided in that city, and lent him a
+very considerable sum of money in the most pressing emergency of his
+affairs; and when that prince was on the point of returning to Germany,
+the old count, finding his end approaching, sent his father confessor
+to his majesty, with a circumstantial account of the barbarity he had
+practised against his nephew, for which he implored forgiveness, and
+begged he would give orders, that the orphan, when found, should inherit
+the dignities and fortune which he had unjustly usurped.
+
+"His majesty assured the old man, that he might make himself easy
+on that score, and ordered the confessor to follow him to Vienna,
+immediately after the count's death, in order to assist his endeavours
+in finding out the injured heir. The priest did not fail to yield
+obedience to this command. He informed himself of certain natural marks
+on the young count's body, which were known to the nurse and women who
+attended him in his infancy; and, with a gentleman whom the emperor
+ordered to accompany him, set out for Bohemia, where he soon found the
+object of his inquiry, in the capacity of major-domo to a nobleman
+of that country, he having quitted his profession of surgery for that
+office.
+
+"He was not a little surprised, when he found himself circumstantially
+catechised about the particulars of his life, by persons commissioned
+for that purpose by the emperor. He told them, that he was absolutely
+ignorant of his own birth, though he had been informed, during his
+residence in Turkey, that he was the bastard of a Spanish grandee,
+and gave them a minute detail of the pilgrimage he had undergone. This
+information agreeing with the intelligence which the priest had already
+received, and being corroborated by the marks upon his body, and the
+very scars of the wounds which had been inflicted upon him in his
+infancy, the confessor, without further hesitation, saluted him by
+the name of Count d'Alvarez, grandee of Spain, and explained the whole
+mystery of his fortune.
+
+"If he was agreeably amazed at this explanation, the case was otherwise
+with his wife, who thought herself in great danger of being abandoned
+by a husband of such high rank; but he immediately dispelled her
+apprehension, by assuring her, that, as she had shared in his adversity,
+she should also partake of his good fortune. He set out immediately for
+Vienna, to make his acknowledgments to the emperor, who favoured him
+with a very gracious reception, promised to use his influence, so that
+he might enjoy the honours and estate of his family; and in the meantime
+acknowledged himself his debtor for four hundred thousand florins, which
+he had borrowed from his uncle. He threw himself at the feet of his
+august protector, expressed the most grateful sense of his goodness, and
+begged he might be permitted to settle in some of his imperial majesty's
+dominions. This request was immediately granted; he was allowed to
+purchase land in any part of the hereditary dominions of the house of
+Austria, to the amount of the sum I have mentioned; and made choice of
+the country of Ratibor, in Silesia, where, in all probability, he still
+resides."
+
+Peregrine had scarce finished the narrative, when he perceived Mr. M--
+slip something into the hand of the young man with whom he had been
+conversing at the other end of the room, and rise up from the table
+in order to take his leave. He at once understood the meaning of this
+conveyance, and longed for an opportunity to be acquainted with such
+a rare instance of primitive benevolence; but the consciousness of his
+present situation hindered him from making any advance that might be
+construed into forwardness or presumption.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XCIX.
+
+
+
+He is surprised with the Appearance of Hatchway and Pipes, who take up
+their Habitation in his Neighbourhood, contrary to his Inclination and
+express Desire.
+
+
+Being now regularly initiated in the mysteries of the Fleet, and
+reconciled in some measure to the customs of the place, he began to bear
+the edge of reflection without wincing; and thinking it would be highly
+imprudent in him to defer any longer the purposes by which only he
+could enjoy any ease and satisfaction in his confinement, he resolved
+to resume his task of translating, and every week compose an occasional
+paper, by way of revenge upon the minister, against whom he had
+denounced eternal war. With this view, he locked himself up in his
+chamber, and went to work with great eagerness and application, when he
+was interrupted by a ticket porter, who, putting a letter in his hand,
+vanished in a moment, before he had time to peruse the contents.
+
+Our hero, opening the billet, was not a little surprised to find a
+bank-note for fifty pounds, enclosed in a blank sheet of paper; and,
+having exercised his memory and penetration on the subject of this
+unexpected windfall, had just concluded, that it could come from no
+other hand than the lady who had so kindly visited him a few days
+before, when his ears were suddenly invaded by the well-known sound of
+that whistle which always hung about the neck of Pipes, as a memorial of
+his former occupation. This tune being performed, he heard the noise
+of a wooden leg ascending the stair; upon which he opened his door, and
+beheld his friend Hatchway, with his old shipmate at his back.
+
+After a cordial shake of the hand, with the usual salutation of, "What
+cheer, cousin Pickle?" honest Jack seated himself without ceremony; and
+casting his eyes around the apartment, "Split my top-staysail," said he,
+with an arch sneer, "you have got into a snug berth, cousin. Here you
+may sit all weathers, without being turned out to take your watch, and
+no fear of the ship's dragging her anchor. You han't much room to spare,
+'tis true: an' I had known as how you stowed so close, Tom should have
+slung my own hammock for you, and then you mought have knocked down this
+great lubberly hurricane house. But, mayhap, you turn in double, and so
+you don't choose to trust yourself and your doxy to a clue and canvas."
+
+Pickle bore his jokes with great good-humour, rallied him in his turn
+about the dairy-maid at the garrison; inquiring about his friends in
+the country, asked if he had been to visit his niece, and, finally,
+expressed a desire of knowing the cause of his journey to London. The
+lieutenant satisfied his curiosity in all these particulars; and, in
+answer to the last question, observed that, from the information of
+Pipes, understanding he was land-locked, he had come from the country in
+order to tow him into the offing. "I know not how the wind sets," said
+he, "but if so be as three thousand pounds will bring you clear of the
+cape, say the word, and you shan't lie wind-bound another glass for want
+of the money."
+
+This was an offer which few people in our hero's situation would have
+altogether refused, especially as he had all the reason in the world to
+believe, that, far from being a vain unmeaning compliment, it was
+the genuine tribute of friendship, which the lieutenant would have
+willingly, ay, and with pleasure, paid. Nevertheless, Peregrine
+peremptorily refused his assistance, though not without expressing
+himself in terms of acknowledgment suitable to the occasion. He told
+him, it would be time enough to make use of his generosity, when he
+should find himself destitute of all other resource. Jack employed all
+his rhetoric, with a view of persuading him to take this opportunity
+to procure his own enlargement; and, finding his arguments ineffectual,
+insisted upon his accepting an immediate supply for his necessary
+occasions; swearing with great vehemence, that he would never return
+to the garrison, unless he would put him upon the footing of any other
+tenant, and receive his rent accordingly.
+
+Our young gentleman as positively swore, that he never would consider
+him in that light; remonstrating, that he had long ago settled the
+house upon him for life, as a pledge of his own esteem, as well as in
+conformity with the commodore's desire; and beseeching him to return
+to his usual avocations, protested that, if ever his situation should
+subject him to the necessity of borrowing from his friends, Mr. Hatchway
+should be the first man to whom he would apply himself for succour.
+To convince him that this was not the case at present, he produced the
+bank-note which he had received in the letter, together with his
+own ready money; and mentioned some other funds, which he invented
+extempore, in order to amuse the lieutenant's concern. In the close
+of this expostulation, he desired Pipes to conduct Mr. Hatchway to the
+coffee-house, where he might amuse himself with the newspaper for half
+an hour; during which he would put on his clothes, and bespeak something
+for dinner, that they might enjoy each other's company as long as his
+occasions would permit him to stay in that place.
+
+The two sailors were no sooner gone, than he took up the pen, and wrote
+the following letter, in which he enclosed the bank-note to his generous
+benefactress:
+
+     Madam,--Your humanity is not more ingenious than my
+     suspicion. In vain you attempt to impose upon me by an
+     act of generosity, which no person on earth but your
+     ladyship is capable of committing. Though your name was
+     not subscribed on the paper, your sentiments were fully
+     displayed in the contents, which I must beg leave to
+     restore, with the same sense of gratitude, and for the
+     same reasons I expressed when last I had the honour to
+     converse with you upon this subject. Though I am deprived
+     of my liberty by the villainy and ingratitude of mankind,
+     I am not yet destitute of the other conveniences of life;
+     and therefore beg to be excused for incurring an unnecessary
+     addition to that load of obligation you have already laid
+     upon, madam, your ladyship's most devoted, humble servant,
+                                     "Peregrine Pickle."
+
+Having dressed himself, and repaired to the place of appointment, he
+despatched this epistle by the hands of Pipes, who was ordered to leave
+it at her ladyship's house, without staying for an answer; and in the
+meantime gave directions for dinner, which he and his friend Hatchway
+ate very cheerfully in his own apartment, after he had entertained him
+with a sight of all the curiosities in the place. During their repast,
+Jack repeated his kind offers to our adventurer, who declined them with
+his former obstinacy, and begged he might be no more importuned on
+that subject; but if he insisted upon giving some fresh proofs of his
+friendship, he might have an opportunity of exhibiting it in taking
+Pipes under his care and protection; for nothing affected him so much as
+his inability to provide for such a faithful adherent.
+
+The lieutenant desired he would give himself no trouble upon that score;
+he being, of his own accord, perfectly well disposed to befriend his old
+shipmate, who should never want while he had a shilling to spare. But
+he began to drop some hints of an intention to fix his quarters in the
+Fleet, observing, that the air seemed to be very good in that place, and
+that he was tired of living in the country. What he said did not amount
+to a plain declaration, and therefore Peregrine did not answer it
+as such, though he perceived his drift; and took an opportunity of
+describing the inconveniences of the place, in such a manner as,
+he hoped, would deter him from putting such an extravagant plan in
+execution.
+
+This expedient, however, far from answering the end proposed, had a
+quite contrary effect, and furnished Hatchway with an argument against
+his own unwillingness to quit such a disagreeable place. In all
+probability, Jack would have been more explicit with regard to the
+scheme he had proposed, if the conversation had not been interrupted by
+the arrival of Cadwallader, who never failed in the performance of his
+diurnal visit. Hatchway, conjecturing that this stranger might have some
+private business with his friend, quitted the apartment, on pretence of
+taking a turn; and meeting Pipes at the door, desired his company to
+the Bare, by which name the open space is distinguished; where, during
+a course of perambulation, these two companions held a council upon
+Pickle, in consequence of which it was determined, since he obstinately
+persisted to refuse their assistance, that they should take lodgings
+in his neighbourhood, with a view of being at hand to minister unto his
+occasions, in spite of his false delicacy, according to the emergency of
+his affairs.
+
+This resolution being taken, they consulted the bar-keeper of the
+coffee-house about lodging, and she directed them to the warden; to whom
+the lieutenant, in his great wisdom, represented himself as a kinsman to
+Peregrine, who, rather than leave that young gentleman by himself to the
+unavoidable discomforts of a prison, was inclined to keep him company,
+till such time as his affairs could be put in order. This measure he
+the more anxiously desired to take, because the prisoner was sometimes
+subject to a disordered imagination, upon which occasion he stood in
+need of extraordinary attendance; and therefore he, the lieutenant,
+entreated the warden to accommodate him with a lodging for himself
+and his servant, for which he was ready to make any reasonable
+acknowledgment. The warden, who was a sensible and humane man, could
+not help applauding his resolution; and several rooms being at that time
+unoccupied, he put him immediately in possession of a couple, which were
+forthwith prepared for his reception.
+
+This affair being settled to his satisfaction, he despatched Pipes for
+his portmanteau; and, returning to the coffee-house, found Peregrine,
+with whom he spent the remaining part of the evening. Our hero, taking
+it for granted that he proposed to set out for the garrison next day,
+wrote a memorandum of some books which he had left in that habitation,
+and which he now desired Jack to send up to town by the waggon, directed
+for Mr. Crabtree. He cautioned him against giving the least hint of
+his misfortune in the neighbourhood, that it might remain, as long as
+possible, concealed from the knowledge of his sister, who, he knew,
+would afflict herself immoderately at the news, nor reach the ears of
+the rest of his family, who would exult and triumph over his distress.
+
+Hatchway listened to his injunctions with great attention, and promised
+to demean himself accordingly. Then the discourse shifted to an
+agreeable recapitulation of the merry scenes they had formerly acted
+together. And the evening being pretty far advanced, Peregrine, with
+seeming reluctance, told him that the gates of the Fleet would in a few
+minutes be shut for the night, and that there was an absolute necessity
+for his withdrawing to his lodging. Jack replied, that he could not
+think of parting with him so soon, after such a long separation; and
+that he was determined to stay with him an hour or two longer, if he
+should be obliged to take up his lodging in the streets. Pickle, rather
+than disoblige his guest, indulged him in his desire and resolved to
+give him a share of his own bed. A pair of chickens and asparagus were
+bespoke for supper, at which Pipes attended with an air of internal
+satisfaction; and the bottle was bandied about in a jovial manner till
+midnight, when the lieutenant rose up to take his leave, observing,
+that, being fatigued with riding, he was inclined to turn in. Pipes,
+upon this intimation, produced a lanthorn ready lighted; and Jack,
+shaking his entertainer by the hand, wished him good night, and promised
+to visit him again betimes in the morning.
+
+Peregrine, imagining that his behaviour proceeded from the wine, which
+he had plentifully drunk, told him, that, if he was disposed to sleep,
+his bed was ready prepared in the room, and ordered his attendant to
+undress his master; upon which Mr. Hatchway gave him to understand, that
+he had no occasion to incommode his friend, having already provided a
+lodging for himself, and the young gentleman demanding an explanation,
+he frankly owned what he had done, saying, "You gave me such a dismal
+account of the place, that I could not think of leaving you in it
+without company." Our young gentleman, who was naturally impatient
+of benefits, and foresaw that this uncommon instance of Hatchway's
+friendship would encroach upon the plan which he had formed for his own
+subsistence, by engrossing his time and attention, so as that he should
+not be able to prosecute his labours, closeted the lieutenant next day,
+and demonstrated to him the folly and ill consequences of the step he
+had taken. He observed, that the world in general would look upon it as
+the effect of mere madness; and, if his relations were so disposed, they
+might make it the foundation for a statute of lunacy against him; that
+his absence from the garrison must be a very great detriment to his
+private affairs; and, lastly, that his presence in the Fleet would be
+a very great hindrance to Pickle himself, whose hope of regaining his
+liberty altogether depended upon his being detached from all company and
+interruption.
+
+To these remonstrances Jack replied, that, as to the opinion of
+the world, it was no more to him than a rotten net-line; and if his
+relations had a mind to have his upper works condemned, he did not doubt
+but he should be able to stand the survey, without being declared unfit
+for service; that he had no affairs at the garrison, but such as
+would keep cold; and with regard to Pickle's being interrupted by his
+presence, he gave him his word, that he would never come alongside of
+him, except when he should give him the signal for holding discourse.
+In conclusion, he signified his resolution to stay where he was, at all
+events, without making himself accountable to any person, whatsoever.
+
+Peregrine seeing him determined, desisted from any further importunity;
+resolving, however, to tire him out of his plan by reserve and
+supercilious neglect; for he could not bear the thought of being so
+notoriously obliged by any person upon earth. With this view he quitted
+the lieutenant, upon some slight pretence; after having told him, that
+he could not have the pleasure of his company at dinner, because he was
+engaged with a particular club of his fellow-prisoners.
+
+Jack was a stranger to the punctilios of behaviour, and therefore did
+not take this declaration amiss; but had immediate recourse to the
+advice of his counsellor, Mr. Pipes, who proposed, that he should go to
+the coffee-house and kitchen, and give the people to understand that he
+would pay for all such liquor and provisions as Mr. Pickle should order
+to be sent to his lodging. This expedient was immediately practised; and
+as there was no credit in the place, Hatchway deposited a sum of money,
+by way of security, to the cook and the vintner, intimating, that
+there was a necessity for taking that method of befriending his cousin
+Peregrine, who was subject to strange whims, that rendered it impossible
+to serve him any other way.
+
+In consequence of these insinuations, it was that same day rumoured
+about the Fleet, that Mr. Pickle was an unhappy gentleman disordered in
+his understanding, and that the lieutenant was his near relation, who
+had subjected himself to the inconvenience of living in a jail, with
+the sole view of keeping a strict eye over his conduct. This report,
+however, did not reach the ears of our hero till the next day, when he
+sent one of the runners of the Fleet, who attended him, to bespeak and
+pay for a couple of pullets, and something else for dinner, to which
+he had already invited his friend Hatchway, in hope of being able to
+persuade him to retire into the country, after he had undergone a
+whole day's mortification in the place. The messenger returned with
+an assurance, that the dinner should be made ready according to his
+directions, and restored the money, observing, that his kinsman had paid
+for what was bespoke.
+
+Peregrine was equally surprised and disgusted at this information, and
+resolved to chide the lieutenant severely for his unseasonable treat,
+which he considered as a thing repugnant to his reputation. Meanwhile,
+he despatched his attendant for wine to the coffee-house, and finding
+his credit bolstered up in that place by the same means, was enraged at
+the presumption of Jack's friendship. He questioned the valet about
+it with such manifestation of displeasure, that the fellow, afraid of
+disobliging such a good master, frankly communicated the story which was
+circulated at his expense. The young gentleman was so much incensed at
+this piece of intelligence, that he wrote a bitter expostulation to the
+lieutenant, where he not only retracted his invitation, but declared
+that he would never converse with him while he should remain within the
+place.
+
+Having thus obeyed the dictates of his anger, he gave notice to the
+cook, that he should not have occasion for what was ordered. Repairing
+to the coffee-house, he told the landlord, that whereas he understood
+the stranger with the wooden leg had prepossessed him and others with
+ridiculous notions, tending to bring the sanity of his intellects in
+question, and, to confirm this imputation, had, under the pretence of
+consanguinity, undertaken to defray his expenses; he could not help, in
+justice to himself, declaring, that the same person was, in reality,
+the madman, who had given his keepers the slip; that, therefore, he, the
+landlord, would not find his account in complying with his orders, and
+encouraging him to frequent his house; and that, for his own part, he
+would never enter the door, or favour him with the least trifle of his
+custom, if ever he should for the future find himself anticipated in his
+payments by that unhappy lunatic.
+
+The vintner was confounded at this retorted charge; and, after
+much perplexity and deliberation, concluded, that both parties were
+distracted; the stranger in paying a man's debts against his will, and
+Pickle, in being offended at such forwardness of friendship.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER C.
+
+
+
+These Associates commit an Assault upon Crabtree, for which they
+are banished from the Fleet--Peregrine begins to feel the effects of
+Confinement.
+
+
+Our adventurer having dined at an ordinary, and in the afternoon retired
+to his own apartment, as usual, with his friend Cadwallader, Hatchway
+and his associate, after they had been obliged to discuss the provision
+for which they had paid, renewed their conference upon the old subject.
+Pipes giving his messmate to understand, that Peregrine's chief
+confidant was the old deaf bachelor, whom he had seen at his lodging the
+preceding day, Mr. Hatchway, in his great penetration, discovered,
+that the young gentleman's obstinacy proceeded from the advice of the
+misanthrope, whom, for that reason, it was their business to chastise.
+Pipes entered into this opinion the more willingly, as he had all along
+believed the senior to be a sort of wizard, or some cacodaemon, whom
+it was not very creditable to be acquainted with. Indeed, he had been
+inspired with this notion by the insinuations of Hadgi, who had formerly
+dropped some hints touching Crabtree's profound knowledge in the magic
+art; mentioning, in particular, his being possessed of the philosopher's
+stone; an assertion to which Tom had given implicit credit, until his
+master was sent to prison for debt, when he could no longer suppose
+Cadwallader lord of such a valuable secret, or else he would have
+certainly procured the enlargement of his most intimate friend.
+
+With these sentiments, he espoused the resentment of Hatchway. They
+determined to seize the supposed conjurer, with the first opportunity,
+on his return from his visit to Peregrine, and, without hesitation,
+exercise upon him the discipline of the pump. This plan they would have
+executed that same evening, had not the misanthrope luckily withdrawn
+himself, by accident, before it was dark, and even before they had
+intelligence of his retreat. But, next day, they kept themselves upon
+the watch till he appeared, and Pipes lifting his hat, as Crabtree
+passed, "O d-- ye, old Dunny," said he, "you and I must grapple by and
+by; and a'gad I shall lie so near your quarter, that your ear-ports will
+let in the sound, thof they are double caulked with oakum."
+
+The misanthrope's ears were not quite so fast closed, but that they
+received this intimation; which, though delivered in terms that he did
+not well understand, had such an effect upon his apprehension, that he
+signified his doubts to Peregrine, observing, that he did not much like
+the looks of that same ruffian with the wooden leg. Pickle assured him,
+he had nothing to fear from the two sailors, who could have no cause of
+resentment against him; or, if they had, would not venture to take
+any step, which they knew must block up all the avenues to that
+reconcilement, about which they were so anxious; and, moreover, give
+such offence to the governor of the place as would infallibly induce him
+to expel them both from his territories.
+
+Notwithstanding this assurance, the young gentleman was not so confident
+of the lieutenant's discretion, as to believe that Crabtree's fears were
+altogether without foundation; he forthwith conjectured that Jack had
+taken umbrage at an intimacy from which he found himself excluded, and
+imputed his disgrace to the insinuations of Cadwallader, whom, in all
+likelihood, he intended to punish for his supposed advice. He knew his
+friend could sustain no great damage from the lieutenant's resentment,
+in a place which he could immediately alarm with his cries, and
+therefore wished he might fall into the snare, because it would furnish
+him with a pretence of complaint; in consequence of which, the sailors
+would be obliged to shift their quarters, so as that he should be rid of
+their company, in which he at present could find no enjoyment.
+
+Everything happened as he had foreseen; the misanthrope, in his retreat
+from Peregrine's chamber, was assaulted by Hatchway and his associate,
+who seized him by the collar without ceremony, and began to drag him
+towards the pump, at which they would have certainly complimented him
+with a very disagreeable bath, had not he exalted his voice in such a
+manner, as in a moment brought a number of the inhabitants, and Pickle
+himself, to his aid. The assailants would have persisted in their
+design, had the opposition been such as they could have faced with any
+possibility of success; nor did they quit their prey, before a dozen, at
+least, had come to his rescue, and Peregrine with a menacing aspect and
+air of authority, commanded his old valet to withdraw. Then they thought
+proper to sheer off, and betake themselves to close quarters, while our
+hero accompanied the affrighted Cadwallader to the gate, and exhibited
+to the warden a formal complaint against the rioters, upon whom he
+retorted the charge of lunacy, which was supported by the evidence of
+twenty persons, who had been eye-witnesses of the outrage committed
+against the old gentleman. The governor, in consequence of this
+information, sent a message to Mr. Hatchway, warning him to move
+his lodging next day, on pain of being expelled. The lieutenant
+contumaciously refusing to comply with this intimation, was in the
+morning, while he amused himself in walking upon the Bare, suddenly
+surrounded by the constables of the court, who took him and his adherent
+prisoners, before they were aware, and delivered them into the hands of
+the turnkeys, by whom they were immediately dismissed, and their baggage
+conveyed to the side of the ditch.
+
+This expulsion was not performed without an obstinate opposition on the
+part of the delinquents, who, had they not been surprised, would have
+set the whole Fleet at defiance, and, in all probability, have acted
+divers tragedies, before they could have been overpowered. Things
+being circumstanced as they were, the lieutenant did not part with his
+conductor without tweaking his nose, by way of farewell; and Pipes,
+in imitation of such a laudable example, communicated a token of
+remembrance, in an application to the sole eye of his attendant, who,
+scorning to be outdone in this kind of courtesy, returned the compliment
+with such good-will, that Tom's organ performed the office of a
+multiplying-glass. These were mutual hints for stripping, and,
+accordingly, each was naked from the waist upwards in a trice. A ring
+of butchers from the market was immediately formed; a couple of the
+reverend flamens, who, in morning gowns, ply for marriages in that
+quarter of the town, constituted themselves seconds and umpires of the
+approaching contest, and the battle began without further preparation.
+The combatants were, in point of strength and agility, pretty equally
+matched; but the jailor had been regularly trained in the art of
+bruising: he had more than once signalized himself in public, by his
+prowess and skill in this exercise, and lost one eye upon the stage in
+the course of his exploits. This was a misfortune of which Pipes did not
+fail to take the advantage. He had already sustained several hard knocks
+upon his temples and jaws, and found it impracticable to smite his
+antagonist upon the victualling-office, so dexterously was it defended
+against assault. He then changed his battery, and being ambidexter,
+raised such a clatter upon the turnkey's blind side, that this hero,
+believing him left-handed, converted his attention that way, and opposed
+the unenlightened side of his face to the right hand of Pipes, which
+being thus unprovided against, slyly bestowed upon him a peg under the
+fifth rib, that in an instant laid him senseless on the pavement, at
+the feet of his conqueror. Pipes was congratulated upon his victory,
+not only by his friend Hatchway, but also by all the by-standers,
+particularly the priest who had espoused his cause, and now invited the
+strangers to his lodgings in a neighbouring alehouse, where they were
+entertained so much to their liking, that they determined to seek
+no other habitation while they should continue in town; and,
+notwithstanding the disgrace and discouragement they had met with, in
+their endeavours to serve our adventurer, they were still resolved to
+persevere in their good offices, or, in the vulgar phrase, to see him
+out.
+
+While they settled themselves in this manner, and acquired familiar
+connections round all the purlieus of the ditch, Peregrine found himself
+deprived of the company of Cadwallader, who signified, by letter, that
+he did not choose to hazard his person again in visiting him, while such
+assassins occupied the avenues through which he must pass; for he had
+been at pains to inquire into the motions of the seamen, and informed
+himself exactly of the harbour in which they were moored.
+
+Our hero had been so much accustomed to the conversation of Crabtree,
+which was altogether suitable to the singularity of his own disposition,
+that he could very ill afford to be debarred of it at this juncture,
+when almost every other source of enjoyment was stopped. He was,
+however, obliged to submit to the hardships of his situation; and as the
+characters of his fellow-prisoners did not at all improve upon him, he
+was compelled to seek for satisfaction within himself. Not but that he
+had an opportunity of conversing with some people who neither wanted
+sense, nor were deficient in point of principle; yet there appeared in
+the behaviour of them all, without exception, a certain want of decorum,
+a squalor of sentiment, a sort of jailish cast contracted in the course
+of confinement, which disgusted the delicacy of our hero's observation.
+He, therefore, detached himself from their parties as much as he could,
+without giving offence to those among whom he was obliged to live, and
+resumed his labours with incredible eagerness and perseverance, his
+spirits being supported by the success of some severe philippics, which
+he occasionally published against the author of his misfortune.
+
+Nor was his humanity unemployed in the vacations of his revenge. A man
+must be void of all sympathy and compassion, who can reside among so
+many miserable objects, without feeling an inclination to relieve their
+distress. Every day almost presented to his view such lamentable scenes
+as were most likely to attract his notice, and engage his benevolence.
+Reverses of fortune, attended with the most deplorable circumstances of
+domestic woe, were continually intruding upon his acquaintance; his ears
+were invaded with the cries of the hapless wife, who, from the enjoyment
+of affluence and pleasure, was forced to follow her husband to this
+abode of wretchedness and want; his eyes were every minute assailed
+with the naked and meagre appearances of hunger and cold; and his fancy
+teemed with a thousand aggravations of their misery.
+
+Thus situated, his purse was never shut while his heart remained open.
+Without reflecting upon the slenderness of his store, he exercised his
+charity to all the children of distress, and acquired a popularity,
+which, though pleasing, was far from being profitable. In short, his
+bounty kept no pace with his circumstances, and in a little time he was
+utterly exhausted. He had recourse to his bookseller, from whom, with
+great difficulty, he obtained a small reinforcement; and immediately
+relapsed into the same want of retention. He was conscious of his
+infirmity, and found it incurable: he foresaw that by his own industry
+he should never be able to defray the expense of these occasions; and
+this reflection sunk deep into his mind. The approbation of the public,
+which he had earned or might acquire like a cordial often repeated,
+began to lose its effect upon his imagination; his health suffered by
+his sedentary life and austere application, his eyesight failed, his
+appetite forsook him, his spirits decayed; so that he became melancholy,
+listless, and altogether incapable of prosecuting the only means he had
+left for his subsistence; and, what did not at all contribute to the
+alleviation of these particulars, he was given to understand by his
+lawyer, that he had lost his cause, and was condemned in costs. Even
+this was not the most mortifying piece of intelligence he received:
+he at the same time learned that his bookseller was bankrupt, and his
+friend Crabtree at the point of death.
+
+These were comfortable considerations to a youth of Peregrine's
+disposition, which was so capricious, that the more his misery
+increased, the more haughty and inflexible he became. Rather than be
+beholden to Hatchway, who still hovered about the gate, eager for an
+opportunity to assist him, he chose to undergo the want of almost every
+convenience of life, and actually pledged his wearing apparel to an
+Irish pawnbroker in the Fleet, for money to purchase those things,
+without which he must have absolutely perished. He was gradually
+irritated by his misfortunes into a rancorous resentment against mankind
+in general, and his heart so alienated from the enjoyments of life, that
+he did not care how soon he quitted his miserable existence. Though he
+had shocking examples of the vicissitudes of fortune continually before
+his eyes, he could never be reconciled to the idea of living like his
+fellow-sufferers, in the most abject degree of dependence. If he refused
+to accept of favours from his own allies and intimate friends, whom he
+had formerly obliged, it is not to be supposed that he would listen to
+proposals of that kind from any of his fellow-prisoners, with whom he
+had contracted acquaintance: he was even more cautious than ever of
+incurring obligations; he now shunned his former messmates, in order to
+avoid disagreeable tenders of friendship. Imagining that he perceived
+an inclination in the clergyman to learn the state of his finances, he
+discouraged and declined the explanation, and at length secluded himself
+from all society.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CI.
+
+
+
+He receives an unexpected Visit; and the Clouds of Misfortune begin to
+separate.
+
+
+While he pined in this forlorn condition, with an equal abhorrence of
+the world and himself, Captain Gauntlet arrived in town in order to
+employ his interest for promotion in the army; and in consequence of his
+wife's particular desire, made it his business to inquire for Peregrine,
+to whom he longed to be reconciled, even though at the expense of a
+slight submission. But he could hear no tidings of him, at the place to
+which he was directed; and, on the supposition that our hero had gone
+to reside in the country, applied himself to his own business,
+with intention to renew his inquiries, after that affair should be
+transacted. He communicated his demands to his supposed patron, who had
+assumed the merit of making him a captain, and been gratified with a
+valuable present on that consideration; and was cajoled with hopes of
+succeeding in his present aim by the same interest.
+
+Meanwhile, he became acquainted with one of the clerks belonging to
+the War Office, whose advice and assistance, he was told, would be a
+furtherance to his scheme. As he had occasion to discourse with this
+gentleman upon the circumstances of his expectation, he learned that the
+nobleman, upon whom he depended, was a person of no consequence in the
+state, and altogether incapable of assisting him in his advancement.
+At the same time, his counsellor expressed his surprise that Captain
+Gauntlet did not rather interest in his cause the noble peer to whose
+good offices he owed his last commission.
+
+This remark introduced an explanation, by which Godfrey discovered, to
+his infinite astonishment, the mistake in which he had continued so long
+with regard to his patron; though he could not divine the motive which
+induced a nobleman, with whom he had no acquaintance or connection,
+to interpose his influence in his behalf. Whatsoever that might be, he
+thought it was his duty to make his acknowledgment; and for that purpose
+went next morning to his house, where he was politely received, and
+given to understand that Mr. Pickle was the person to whose friendship
+he was indebted for his last promotion.
+
+Inexpressible were the transports of gratitude, affection, and remorse
+that took possession of the soul of Gauntlet, when this mystery was
+unfolded. "Good Heaven!" cried he, lifting up his hands, "have I lived
+so long in a state of animosity with my benefactor? I intended to have
+reconciled myself at any rate before I was sensible of this obligation,
+but now I shall not enjoy a moment's quiet until I have an opportunity
+of expressing to him my sense of his heroic friendship. I presume,
+from the nature of the favour conferred upon him in my behalf, that
+Mr. Pickle is well known to your lordship; and I should think myself
+extremely happy if you could inform me in what part of the country he is
+to be found; for the person with whom he lodged some time ago could give
+me no intelligence of his motions."
+
+The nobleman, touched with this instance of generous self-denial in
+Peregrine, as well as with the sensibility of his friend, lamented the
+unhappiness of our hero, while he gave Gauntlet to understand that he
+had been long disordered in his intellects, in consequence of having
+squandered away his fortune; and that his creditors had thrown him into
+the Fleet prison; but whether he still continued in that confinement, or
+was released from his misfortunes by death, his lordship did not know,
+because he had never inquired.
+
+Godfrey no sooner received this intimation, than, his blood boiling with
+grief and impatience, he craved pardon for his abrupt departure; then
+quitting his informer on the instant, re-embarked in his hackney-coach,
+and ordered himself to be conveyed directly to the Fleet. As the vehicle
+proceeded along one side of the market, he was surprised with the
+appearance of Hatchway and Pipes, who stood cheapening cauliflowers at a
+green-stall, their heads being cased in worsted nightcaps, half covered
+with their hats, and a short tobacco-pipe in the mouth of each. He was
+rejoiced at sight of the two seamen, which he took for a happy omen of
+finding his friend, and, ordering the coachman to stop the carriage,
+called to the lieutenant by his name. Jack replying with an hilloah,
+looking behind him, and recognizing the face of his old acquaintance,
+ran up to the coach with great eagerness. Shaking the captain heartily
+by the hand, "Odds heart!" said he, "I am glad thou hast fallen in with
+us; we shall now be able to find the trim of the vessel, and lay her
+about on t'other tack. For my own part, I have had many a consort in my
+time, that is, in the way of good fellowship, and I always made a
+shift to ware 'em at one time or another. But this headstrong toad will
+neither obey the helm nor the sheet; and for aught I know, will founder
+where a lies at anchor."
+
+Gauntlet, who conceived part of his meaning, alighted immediately; and
+being conducted to the sailor's lodging, was informed of everything
+that had passed between the lieutenant and Pickle. He, in his turn,
+communicated to Jack the discovery which he had made, with regard to his
+commission; at which the other gave no signs of surprise, but, taking
+the pipe from his mouth, "Why look ye, captain," said he, "that's not
+the only good turn you have owed him. That same money you received from
+the commodore as an old debt was all a sham, contrived by Pickle for
+your service; but a wool drive under his bare poles without sails and
+rigging, or a mess of provision on board, rather than take the same
+assistance from another man."
+
+Godfrey was not only amazed, but chagrined at the knowledge of this
+anecdote; which gave umbrage to his pride, while it stimulated his
+desire of doing something in return for the obligation. He inquired into
+the present circumstances of the prisoner; and understanding that he was
+indisposed, and but indifferently provided with the common necessaries
+of life, though still deaf to all offers of assistance, began to be
+extremely concerned at the account of this savage obstinacy and pride,
+which would, he feared, exclude him from the privilege of relieving him
+in his distress. However, he resolved to leave no expedient untried,
+that might have any tendency to surmount such destructive prejudice;
+and entering the jail, was directed to the apartment of the wretched
+prisoner. He knocked softly at the door, and, when it was opened,
+started back with horror and astonishment. The figure that presented
+itself to his view was the remains of his once happy friend; but
+so miserably altered and disguised, that his features were scarce
+cognisable. The florid, the sprightly, the gay, the elevated youth, was
+now metamorphosed into a wan, dejected, meagre, squalid spectre; the
+hollow-eyed representative of distemper, indigence, and despair. Yet his
+eyes retained a certain ferocity, which threw a dismal gleam athwart the
+cloudiness of his aspect, and he, in silence, viewed his old companion
+with a look betokening confusion and disdain. As for Gauntlet, he could
+not, without emotion, behold such a woeful reverse of fate, in a person
+for whom he entertained the noblest sentiments of friendship, gratitude,
+and esteem; his sorrow was at first too big for utterance, and he shed a
+flood of tears before he could pronounce one word.
+
+Peregrine, in spite of his misanthropy, could not help being affected
+with this uncommon testimony of regard; but he strove to stifle his
+sensations. His brows contracted themselves into a severe frown; his
+eyes kindled into the appearance of live coals. He waved with his hand
+in signal for Godfrey to be gone, and leave such a wretch as him to the
+miseries of his fate; and, finding nature too strong to be suppressed,
+uttered a deep groan, and wept aloud.
+
+The soldier, seeing him thus melted, unable to restrain the strong
+impulse of his affection, sprung towards, and clasping him in his arms,
+"My dearest friend, and best benefactor," said he, "I am come hither to
+humble myself for the offence I was so unhappy as to give at our
+last parting; to beg a reconciliation, to thank you for the case and
+affluence I have enjoyed through your means, and to rescue you, in spite
+of yourself, from this melancholy situation; of which, but an hour ago,
+I was utterly ignorant. Do not deny me the satisfaction of acquitting
+myself in point of duty and obligation. You must certainly have had some
+regard for a person in whose favour you have exerted yourself so much;
+and if any part of that esteem remains, you will not refuse him an
+opportunity of approving himself in some measure worthy of it. Let
+me not suffer the most mortifying of all repulses, that of slighted
+friendship; but kindly sacrifice your resentment and inflexibility to
+the request of one who is at all times ready to sacrifice his life for
+your honour and advantage. If you will not yield to my entreaties, have
+some regard to the wishes of my Sophy, who laid me under the strongest
+injunctions to solicit your forgiveness, even before she knew how much I
+was indebted to your generosity; or, if that consideration should be of
+no weight, I hope you will relax a little for the sake of poor Emilia,
+whose resentment hath been long subdued by her affection, and who now
+droops in secret at your neglect."
+
+Every word of this address, delivered in the most pathetic manner,
+made an impression upon the mind of Peregrine. He was affected with the
+submission of his friend, who, in reality, had given him no just
+cause to complain. He knew that no ordinary motive had swayed him to a
+condescension so extraordinary in a man of his punctilious temper. He
+considered it, therefore, as the genuine effect of eager gratitude and
+disinterested love, and his heart began to relent accordingly. When he
+heard himself conjured in the name of the gentle Sophy, his obstinacy
+was quite overcome; and when Emilia was recalled to his remembrance,
+his whole frame underwent a violent agitation. He took his friend by the
+hand, with a softened look; and, as soon as he recovered the faculty
+of speech, which had been overpowered in the conflict of passions that
+transported him, protested, that he retained no vestige of animosity,
+but considered him in the light of an affectionate comrade, the ties of
+whose friendship adversity could not unbind. He mentioned Sophy in the
+most respectful terms; spoke of Emilia with the most reverential awe,
+as the object of his inviolable love and veneration; but disclaimed
+all hope of ever more attracting her regard, and excused himself from
+profiting by Godfrey's kind intention; declaring, with a resolute
+air, that he had broken off all connection with mankind, and that he
+impatiently longed for the hour of his dissolution, which, if it should
+not soon arrive by the course of nature, he was resolved to hasten
+with his own hands, rather than be exposed to the contempt, and more
+intolerable pity, of a rascally world.
+
+Gauntlet argued against this frantic determination with all the
+vehemence of expostulating friendship; but his remonstrances did not
+produce the desired effect upon our desperate hero, who calmly refuted
+all his arguments, and asserted the rectitude of his design from the
+pretended maxims of reason and true philosophy. While this dispute was
+carried on with eagerness on one side, and deliberation on the other, a
+letter was brought to Peregrine, who threw it carelessly aside unopened,
+though the superscription was in a handwriting to which he was a
+stranger; and, in all probability, the contents would never have been
+perused, had not Gauntlet insisted upon his waiving all ceremony, and
+reading it forthwith. Thus solicited, Pickle unsealed the billet, which,
+to his no small surprise, contained the following intimation:--
+
+     Sir,--This comes to inform you, that, after many dangers
+     and disappointments, I am, by the blessing of God, safely
+     arrived in the Downs, on board of the Gomberoon Indiaman,
+     having made a tolerable voyage; by which I hope I shall be
+     enabled to repay, with interest, the seven hundred pounds
+     which I borrowed of you before my departure from England.
+     I take this opportunity of writing by our purser, who goes
+     express with despatches for the Company, that you may have
+     this satisfactory notice as soon as possible, relating to
+     one whom I suppose you have long given over as lost. I have
+     enclosed it in a letter to my broker, who, I hope, knows
+     your address, and will forward it accordingly. And I am,
+     with respect, Sir, your most humble servant,
+                                         "Benjamin Chintz."
+
+He had no sooner taken a cursory view of this agreeable epistle, than
+his countenance cleared up, and, reaching it to his friend, with a
+smile, "There," said he, "is a more convincing argument, on your side
+of the question, than all the casuists in the universe can advance."
+Gauntlet, wondering at this observation, took the paper, and, casting
+his eyes greedily upon the contents, congratulated him upon the receipt
+of it, with extravagant demonstrations of joy. "Not on account of the
+sum," said he, "which, upon my honour, I would with pleasure pay three
+times over for your convenience and satisfaction; but because it seems
+to have reconciled you to life, and disposed your mind for enjoying the
+comforts of society."
+
+The instantaneous effect which this unexpected smile of fortune produced
+in the appearance of our adventurer is altogether inconceivable; it
+plumped up his cheeks in a moment, unbended and enlightened every
+feature of his face; elevated his head, which had begun to sink as
+it were, between his shoulders; and from a squeaking dispirited tone,
+swelled up his voice to a clear manly accent. Godfrey, taking advantage
+of this favourable change, began to regale him with prospects of future
+success. He reminded him of his youth and qualifications, which were
+certainly designed for better days than those he had as yet seen;
+he pointed out various paths by which he might arrive at wealth and
+reputation; he importuned him to accept of a sum for his immediate
+occasions; and earnestly begged that he would allow him to discharge
+the debt for which he was confined, observing, that Sophy's fortune
+had enabled him to exhibit that proof of his gratitude, without any
+detriment to his affairs; and protesting that he should not believe
+himself in possession of Mr. Pickle's esteem, unless he was permitted to
+make some such return of good-will to the man, who had not only raised
+him from indigence and scorn, to competence and reputable rank, but also
+empowered him to obtain the possession of an excellent woman, who had
+filled up the measure of his felicity.
+
+Peregrine declared himself already overpaid for all his good offices,
+by the pleasure he enjoyed in employing them, and the happy effects they
+had produced in the mutual satisfaction of two persons so dear to his
+affection; and assured his friend, that one time or other he would set
+his conscience at ease, and remove the scruples of his honour, by having
+recourse to his assistance; but at present he could not make use of his
+friendship, without giving just cause of offence to honest Hatchway,
+who was prior to him in point of solicitation, and had manifested his
+attachment with surprising obstinacy and perseverance.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CII.
+
+
+
+Peregrine reconciles himself to the Lieutenant, and renews his
+Connection with Society--Divers Plans are projected in his behalf, and
+he has occasion to exhibit a remarkable Proof of Self-denial.
+
+
+The captain, with reluctance, yielded the preference in this particular
+to Jack, who was immediately invited to a conference, by a note
+subscribed with Pickle's own hand. He was found at the prison-gate
+waiting for Gauntlet, to know the issue of his negotiation. He no sooner
+received this summons, than he set all his sails, and made the best of
+his way to his friend's apartment; being admitted by the turnkey, in
+consequence of Peregrine's request, communicated by the messenger who,
+carried the billet. Pipes followed close in the wake of his shipmate;
+and, in a few minutes after the note had been despatched, Peregrine and
+Gauntlet heard the sound of the stump, ascending the wooden staircase
+with such velocity, that they at first mistook it for the application of
+drumsticks to the head of an empty barrel. This uncommon speed, however,
+was attended with a misfortune; he chanced to overlook a small defect in
+one of the steps, and his prop plunging into a hole, he fell backwards,
+to the imminent danger of his life. Tom was luckily at his back, and
+sustained him in his arms, so as that he escaped without any other
+damage than the loss of his wooden leg, which was snapped in the middle,
+by the weight of his body in falling; and such was his impatience, that
+he would not give himself the trouble to disengage the fractured member.
+Unbuckling the whole equipage in a trice, he left it sticking in the
+crevice, saying, a rotten cable was not worth heaving up, and, in
+this natural state of mutilation, hopped into the room with infinite
+expedition.
+
+Peregrine, taking him cordially by the hand, seated him upon one side of
+his bed; and, after having made an apology for that reserve of which he
+had so justly complained, asked if he could conveniently accommodate
+him with the loan of twenty guineas. The lieutenant, without opening
+his mouth, pulled out his purse; and Pipes, who overheard the demand,
+applying the whistle to his lips, performed a loud overture, in token of
+his joy. Matters being thus brought to an accommodation, our hero told
+the captain, that he should be glad of his company at dinner, with their
+common friend Hatchway, if he would in the meantime leave him to the
+ministry of Pipes; and the soldier went away for the present, in order
+to pay a short visit to his uncle, who at that time languished in a
+declining state of health, promising to return at the appointed hour.
+
+The lieutenant, having surveyed the dismal appearance of his friend,
+could not help being moved at the spectacle, and began to upbraid
+him with his obstinate pride, which, he swore, was no better than
+self-murder. But the young gentleman interrupted him in the course of
+his moralizing, by telling him he had reasons for his conduct, which,
+perhaps, he would impart in due season; but, at present, his design was
+to alter that plan of behaviour, and make himself some amends for the
+misery he had undergone. He accordingly sent Pipes to redeem his clothes
+from the pawnbroker's wardrobe, and bespeak something comfortable for
+dinner. When Godfrey came back, he was very agreeably surprised to see
+such a favourable alteration in his externals; for, by the assistance of
+his valet, he had purified himself from the dregs of his distress, and
+now appeared in a decent suit, with clean linen, while his face was
+disencumbered of the hair that overshadowed it, and his apartment
+prepared for the reception of company.
+
+They enjoyed their meal with great satisfaction, entertaining one
+another with a recapitulation of their former adventures at the
+garrison. In the afternoon, Gauntlet taking his leave, in order to write
+a letter to his sister, at the desire of his uncle who, finding his end
+approaching, wanted to see her without loss of time, Peregrine made his
+appearance on the Bare, and was complimented on his coming abroad again,
+not only by his old messmates, who had not seen him for many weeks, but
+by a number of those objects whom his liberality had fed, before his
+funds were exhausted. Hatchway was, by his interest with the warden,
+put in possession of his former quarters, and Pipes despatched to make
+inquiry about Crabtree at his former lodging, where he learned that
+the misanthrope, after a very severe fit of illness, was removed to
+Kensington Gravel-pits, for the convenience of breathing a purer air
+than that of London.
+
+In consequence of this information, Peregrine, who knew the narrowness
+of the old gentleman's fortune, next day desired his friend Gauntlet to
+take the trouble of visiting him, in his name, with a letter, in which
+he expressed great concern for his indisposition, gave him notice of the
+fortunate intelligence he had received from the Downs, and conjured
+him to make use of his purse, if he was in the least hampered in his
+circumstances. The captain took coach immediately, and set out for the
+place, according to the direction which Pipes had procured.
+
+Cadwallader, having seen him at Bath, knew him again at first sight;
+and, though reduced to a skeleton, believed himself in such a fair
+way of doing well, that he would have accompanied him to the Fleet
+immediately, had he not been restrained by his nurse, who was, by his
+physician, invested with full authority to dispute and oppose his will
+in everything that she should think prejudicial to his health; for he
+was considered, by those who had the care of him, as an old humourist,
+not a little distempered in his brain. He inquired particularly about
+the sailors, who, he said, had deterred him from carrying on his
+usual correspondence with Pickle, and been the immediate cause of his
+indisposition, by terrifying him into a fever. Understanding that the
+breach between Pickle and Hatchway was happily cemented, and that he was
+no longer in any danger from the lieutenant's resentment, he promised
+to be at the Fleet with the first convenient opportunity; and, in the
+meantime, wrote an answer to Peregrine's letter, importing, that he was
+obliged to him for his offer, but had not the least occasion for his
+assistance.
+
+In a few days, our adventurer recovered his vigour, complexion, and
+vivacity; he mingled again in the diversions and parties of the place;
+and he received, in a little time, the money he had lent upon bottomry,
+which, together with the interest, amounted to upwards of eleven hundred
+pounds. The possession of this sum, while it buoyed up his spirits,
+involved him in perplexity. Sometimes he thought it was incumbent
+on him, as a man of honour, to employ the greatest part of it in
+diminishing the debt for which he suffered; on the other hand, he
+considered that obligation effaced, by the treacherous behaviour of his
+creditor, who had injured him to ten times the value of the sum; and,
+in these sentiments, entertained thoughts of attempting his escape from
+prison, with a view of conveying himself, with the shipwreck of
+his fortune, to another country, in which he might use it to better
+advantage.
+
+Both suggestions were attended with such doubts and difficulties, that
+he hesitated between them, and for the present laid out a thousand
+pounds in stock, the interest of which, together with the fruits of his
+own industry, he hoped, would support him above want in his confinement,
+until something should occur that would point out the expediency of some
+other determination. Gauntlet still insisted upon having the honour of
+obtaining his liberty, at the expense of taking up his notes to Gleanum,
+and exhorted him to purchase a commission with part of the money which
+he had retrieved. The lieutenant affirmed, that it was his privilege
+to procure the release of his cousin Pickle, because he enjoyed a
+very handsome sum by his aunt, which of right belonged to the young
+gentleman, to whom he was, moreover, indebted for the use of his
+furniture, and for the very house that stood over his head; and that,
+although he had already made a will in his favour, he should never be
+satisfied, nor easy in his mind, so long as he remained deprived of his
+liberty, and wanted any of the conveniences of life.
+
+Cadwallader, who by this time assisted at their councils, and was best
+acquainted with the peculiarity and unbending disposition of the youth,
+proposed, that, seeing he was so averse to obligations, Mr. Hatchway
+should purchase of him the garrison with its appendages, which, at a
+moderate price, would sell for more money than would be sufficient to
+discharge his debts; that, if the servile subordination of the army
+did not suit his inclinations, he might, with his reversion, buy a
+comfortable annuity, and retire with him to the country, where he might
+live absolutely independent, and entertain himself, as usual, with the
+ridiculous characters of mankind.
+
+This plan was to Pickle less disagreeable than any other project which
+as yet had been suggested; and the lieutenant declared himself ready to
+execute his part of it without delay; but the soldier was mortified at
+the thoughts of seeing his assistance unnecessary, and eagerly objected
+to the retirement, as a scheme that would blast the fairest promises
+of fame and fortune, and bury his youth and talents in solitude and
+obscurity. This earnest opposition on the part of Gauntlet hindered
+our adventurer from forming any immediate resolution, which was also
+retarded by his unwillingness to part with the garrison upon any terms,
+because he looked upon it as a part of his inheritance, which he could
+not dispose of without committing an insult upon the memory of the
+deceased commodore.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CIII.
+
+
+
+He is engaged in a very extraordinary Correspondence, which is
+interrupted by a very unexpected Event.
+
+
+While this affair was in agitation, the captain told him in the course
+of conversation, that Emilia was arrived in town, and had inquired about
+Mr. Pickle with such an eagerness of concern, as seemed to proclaim that
+she was in some measure informed of his misfortune: he therefore
+desired to know if he might be allowed to make her acquainted with
+his situation, provided he should be again importuned by her on that
+subject, which he had at first industriously waived. This proof, or
+rather presumption, of her sympathizing regard, did not fail to operate
+powerfully upon the bosom of Peregrine, which was immediately filled
+with those tumults which love, ill-stifled, frequently excites. He
+observed, that his disgrace was such as could not be effectually
+concealed; therefore he saw no reason for depriving himself of Emilia's
+compassion, since he was for ever excluded from her affection; and
+desired Godfrey to present to his sister the lowly respects of a
+despairing lover.
+
+But, notwithstanding his declaration of despondence on this head, his
+imagination involuntarily teemed with more agreeable ideas. The proposal
+of Crabtree had taken root in his reflection, and he could not help
+forming plans of pastoral felicity in the arms of the lovely Emilia,
+remote from those pompous scenes which he now detested and despised.
+He amused his fancy with the prospect of being able to support her in a
+state of independency, by means of the slender annuity which it was
+in his power to purchase, together with the fruits of those endeavours
+which would profitably employ his vacant hours; and foresaw provision
+for his growing family in the friendship of the lieutenant, who had
+already constituted him his heir. He even parcelled out his hours among
+the necessary cares of the world, the pleasures of domestic bliss, and
+the enjoyments of a country life; and spent the night in ideal parties
+with his charming bride, sometimes walking by the sedgy bank of some
+transparent stream, sometimes pruning the luxuriant vine, and sometimes
+sitting in social converse with her in a shady grove of his own
+planting.
+
+These, however, were no more than the shadowy phantoms of imagination,
+which, he well knew, would never be realized: not that he believed such
+happiness unattainable by a person in his circumstances, but because he
+would not stoop to propose a scheme which might, in any shape, seem to
+interfere with the interest of Emilia, or subject himself to a repulse
+from that young lady, who had rejected his addresses in the zenith of
+his fortune.
+
+While he diverted himself with these agreeable reveries, an unexpected
+event intervened, in which she and her brother were deeply interested.
+The uncle was tapped for the dropsy, and died in a few days after the
+operation, having bequeathed, in his will, five thousand pounds to his
+nephew, and twice that sum to his niece, who had always enjoyed the
+greatest share of his favour.
+
+If our adventurer, before this occurrence, looked upon his love for
+Emilia as a passion which it was necessary, at any rate, to conquer or
+suppress, he now considered her accession of fortune as a circumstance
+which confirmed that necessity, and resolved to discourage every thought
+on that subject which should tend to the propagation of hope. One day,
+in the midst of a conversation calculated for the purpose, Godfrey put
+into his hand a letter directed to Mr. Pickle, in the handwriting of
+Emilia, which the youth no sooner recognized, than his cheeks were
+covered with a crimson dye, and he began to tremble with violent
+agitation; for he at once guessed the import of the billet, which he
+kissed with great reverence and devotion, and was not at all surprised
+when he read the following words:--
+
+     Sir,--I have performed a sufficient sacrifice to my
+     reputation, in retaining hitherto the appearance of that
+     resentment which I had long ago dismissed; and as the
+     late favourable change in my situation empowers me to
+     avow my genuine sentiments, without fear of censure, or
+     suspicion of mercenary design, I take this opportunity
+     to assure you, that, if I still maintain that place in
+     your heart which I was vain enough to think I once
+     possessed, I am willing to make the first advances to an
+     accommodation, and have actually furnished my brother
+     with full powers to conclude it in the name of your
+     appeased
+
+     "Emilia."
+
+Pickle, having kissed the subscription with great ardour, fell upon his
+knees, and lifting up his eyes, "Thank Heaven!" cried he, with an air
+of transport, "I have not been mistaken in my opinion of that generous
+maid. I believed her inspired with the most dignified and heroic
+sentiments, and now she gives me a convincing proof of her magnanimity.
+It is now my business to approve myself worthy of her regard. May Heaven
+inflict upon me the keenest arrows of its vengeance, if I do not, at
+this instant, contemplate the character of Emilia with the most perfect
+love and adoration; yet, amiable and enchanting as she is, I am, more
+than ever, determined to sacrifice the interest of my passion to my
+glory, though my life should fail in the contest; and even to refuse
+an offer, which, otherwise, the whole universe should not bribe me to
+forego."
+
+This declaration was not so unexpected as unwelcome to his friend
+Gauntlet, who represented that his glory was not at all interested in
+the affair; because he had already vindicated his generosity in
+repeated proffers to lay his whole fortune at Emilia's feet, when it
+was impossible that anything selfish could enter into the proposal;
+but that, in rejecting her present purpose, he would give the world
+an opportunity to say, that his pride was capricious, his obstinacy
+invincible; and his sister would have undeniable reason to believe,
+that either his passion for her was dissembled, or the ardour of it
+considerably abated.
+
+In answer to these remonstrances, Pickle observed, that he had long
+set the world at defiance; and, as to the opinion of Emilia, he did not
+doubt that she would applaud in her heart the resolution he had taken,
+and do justice to the purity of his intention. It was not an easy task
+to divert our hero from his designs at any time of life; but, since his
+confinement, his inflexibility was become almost insurmountable. The
+captain, therefore, after having discharged his conscience, in assuring
+him that his sister's happiness was at stake, that his mother had
+approved of the step she had taken, and that he himself should be
+extremely mortified at his refusal, forbore to press him with further
+argument, which served only to rivet him the more strongly in his own
+opinion, and undertook to deliver this answer to Emilia's letter:--
+
+     Madam,--That I revere the dignity of your virtue with the
+     utmost veneration, and love you infinitely more than life,
+     I am at all times ready to demonstrate; but the sacrifice
+     to honour it is now my turn to pay; and such is the rigour
+     of my destiny, that, in order to justify your generosity,
+     I must refuse to profit by your condescension. Madam, I am
+     doomed to be for ever wretched; and to sigh without ceasing
+     for the possession of that jewel, which, though now in my
+     offer, I dare not enjoy. I shall not pretend to express the
+     anguish that tears my heart, whilst I communicate this fatal
+     renunciation, but appeal to the delicacy of your own
+     sentiments, which can judge of my sufferings, and will,
+     doubtless, do justice to the self-denial of your forlorn
+                                         "P. Pickle."
+
+Emilia, who knew the nicety of our hero's pride, had foreseen the
+purport of this epistle before it came to her hands; she did not,
+therefore, despair of success, nor desist from the prosecution of her
+plan, which was no other than that of securing her own happiness, in
+espousing the man upon whom she had fixed her unalterable affection.
+Confident of his honour, and fully satisfied of the mutual passion with
+which they were inspired, she gradually decoyed him into a literary
+correspondence, wherein she attempted to refute the arguments on which
+he grounded his refusal; and, without doubt, the young gentleman was not
+a little pleased with the enjoyment of such delightful commerce, in the
+course of which he had, more than ever, an opportunity of admiring the
+poignancy of her wit, and the elegance of her understanding.
+
+The contemplation of such excellency, while it strengthened the chains
+with which she held him enslaved, added emulation to the other motives
+that induced him to maintain the dispute; and much subtlety of reasoning
+was expended upon both sides of this very particular question, without
+any prospect of conviction on either part, till, at last, she began to
+despair of making him a proselyte to her opinion by dint of argument;
+and resolved for the future to apply herself chiefly to the irresistible
+prepossessions of his love, which were not at all diminished or impaired
+by the essays of her pen. With this view she proposed a conference,
+pretending that it was impossible to convey all her reflections upon
+this subject in a series of short letters; and Godfrey undertook to bail
+him for the day. But, conscious of her power, he would not trust himself
+in her presence, though his heart throbbed with all the eagerness of
+desire to see her fair eyes disrobed of that resentment which they
+had worn so long, and to enjoy the ravishing sweets of a fond
+reconciliation.
+
+Nature could not have held out against such powerful attacks, had not
+the pride and caprice of his disposition been gratified to the full in
+the triumph of his resistance; he looked upon the contest as altogether
+original, and persevered with obstinacy, because he thought himself
+sure of favourable terms, whenever he should be disposed to
+capitulate. Perhaps he might have overshot himself in the course of his
+perseverance. A young lady of Emilia's fortune and attractions could
+not fail to find herself surrounded by temptations, which few women can
+resist. She might have misinterpreted the meaning of some paragraph or
+taken umbrage at an unguarded expression in one of Peregrine's letters.
+She might have been tired out by his obstinate peculiarity, or, at the
+long run, construed it into madness, slight, or indifference; or, rather
+than waste her prime in fruitless endeavours to subdue the pride of
+a headstrong humourist, she might have listened to the voice of some
+admirer, fraught with qualifications sufficient to engage her esteem and
+affection. But all these possibilities were providentially prevented by
+an accident attended with more important consequences than any we have
+hitherto recounted.
+
+Early one morning Pipes was disturbed by the arrival of a messenger, who
+had been sent express from the country by Mr. Clover, with a packet for
+the lieutenant, and arrived in town overnight; but as he was obliged to
+have recourse to the information of Jack's correspondent in the city,
+touching the place of his abode, before he demanded entrance at the
+Fleet the gate was shut; nor would the turnkeys admit him, although he
+told them that he was charged with a message of the utmost consequence;
+so that he was fain to tarry till daybreak, when he, at his earnest
+solicitation, was allowed to enter.
+
+Hatchway, opening the packet, found a letter enclosed for Peregrine,
+with an earnest request that he should forward it to the hands of that
+young gentleman with all possible despatch. Jack, who could not dive
+into the meaning of this extraordinary injunction, began to imagine
+that Mrs. Clover lay at the point of death, and wanted to take a last
+farewell of her brother; and this conceit worked so strongly upon his
+imagination, that, while he huddled on his clothes, and made the best of
+his way to the apartment of our hero, he could not help cursing, within
+himself, the folly of the husband in sending such disagreeable messages
+to a man of Peregrine's impatient temper, already soured by his own
+uneasy situation. This reflection would have induced him to suppress the
+letter, had not he been afraid to tamper with the ticklish disposition
+of his friend, to whom, while he delivered it, "As for my own part,"
+said he, "mayhap I may have as much natural affection as another, but
+when my spouse parted, I bore my misfortune like a British man, and a
+Christian. For why? He's no better than a fresh-water sailor, who knows
+not how to stem the current of mischance."
+
+Pickle being waked from a pleasant dream, in which the fair Emilia was
+principally concerned, and hearing this strange preamble, sat up in his
+bed, and unsealed the letter, in a state of mortification and disgust.
+But what were the emotions of his soul, when he read the following
+intimation:--
+
+     Dear Brother,--It hath pleased God to take your father
+     suddenly off by a fit of apoplexy; and as he has died
+     intestate, I give you this notice, that you may, with all
+     speed, come down and take possession of your right, in
+     despite of Master Gam and his mother, who, you may be sure,
+     do not sit easy under this unexpected dispensation of
+     Providence. I have, by virtue of being a justice of the
+     peace, taken such precautions as I thought necessary for
+     your advantage; and the funeral shall be deferred until
+     your pleasure be known. Your sister, though sincerely
+     afflicted by her father's fate, submits to the will of
+     Heaven with laudable resignation, and begs you will set
+     out for this place without delay; in which request she is
+     joined by, sir, your affectionate brother, and humble
+     servant,                         "Charles Clover."
+
+Peregrine at first looked upon this epistle as a mere illusion of the
+brain, and a continuation of the reverie in which he had been engaged.
+He read it ten times over, without being persuaded that he was actually
+awake. He rubbed his eyes, and shook his head, in order to shake off
+the drowsy vapours that surrounded him. He hemmed thrice with great
+vociferation, snapped his fingers, tweaked his nose, started up from his
+bed, and, opening the casement, took a survey of the well-known
+objects that appeared on each side of his habitation. Everything seemed
+congruous and connected, and he said within himself, "Sure this is the
+most distinct dream that ever sleep produced." Then he had recourse
+again to the paper, which he carefully perused, without finding any
+variation from his first notion of the contents.
+
+Hatchway, seeing all his extravagances of action, accompanied with a
+wild stare of distraction, began to believe that his head was at length
+fairly turned, and was really meditating means for securing his person,
+when Pickle, in a tone of surprise, exclaimed, "Good God! am I or am I
+not awake?"--"Why look ye, cousin Pickle," replied the lieutenant, "that
+is a question which the deep sea-line of my understanding is not long
+enough to sound; but howsomever, thof I can't trust to the observation
+I have taken, it shall go hard but I will fall upon a way to guess
+whereabouts we are." So saying, he lifted up a pitcher full of cold
+water, that stood behind the outward door, and discharged it in the face
+of Peregrine without ceremony or hesitation. This remedy produced the
+desired effect. Unpalatable as it was, the young gentleman no sooner
+recovered his breath, which was endangered by such a sudden application,
+than he thanked his friend Jack for the seasonable operation he had
+performed. Having no longer any just reason to doubt the reality of
+what appeared so convincingly to his senses, he shifted himself on the
+instant, not without hurry and trepidation; and, putting on his morning
+dress, sallied forth to the Bare, in order to deliberate with himself on
+the important intelligence he had received.
+
+Hatchway, not yet fully convinced of his sanity, and curious to know the
+purport of the letter, which had affected him in such an extraordinary
+manner, carefully attended his footsteps in this excursion, in hope
+of being favoured with his confidence, in the course of their
+perambulation. Our hero no sooner appeared at the street door, than he
+was saluted by the messenger, who having posted himself in the way for
+that purpose, "God bless your noble honour, Squire Pickle," cried he,
+"and give you joy of succeeding to your father's estate." These words
+had scarce proceeded from his mouth, when the lieutenant, hopping
+eagerly towards the countryman, squeezed his hand with great affection,
+and asked if the old gentleman had actually taken his departure. "Ay,
+Master Hatchway," replied the other, "in such a woundy haste, that he
+forgot to make a will."--"Body of me!" exclaimed the seaman; "these are
+the best tidings I have ever heard since I first went to sea. Here, my
+lad, take my purse, and stow thyself chuck full of the best liquor
+in the land." So saying, he tipped the peasant with ten pieces, and
+immediately the whole place echoed the sound of Tom's instrument.
+Peregrine, repairing to the walk, communicated the billet to his honest
+friend, who at his desire went forthwith to the lodgings of Captain
+Gauntlet, and returned in less than an hour with that gentleman, who, I
+need not say, was heartily rejoiced at the occasion.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CIV.
+
+
+
+Peregrine holds a Consultation with his Friends, in consequence of
+which he bids Adieu to the Fleet--He arrives at his Father's House, and
+asserts his Right of Inheritance.
+
+
+Nor did our hero keep the misanthrope in ignorance of this happy turn of
+fortune. Pipes was despatched to the senior, with a message requesting
+his immediate presence; and he accordingly appeared, in obedience to the
+summons, growling with discontent for having been deprived of several
+hours of his natural rest. His mouth was immediately stopped with the
+letter, at which he "smiled horribly a ghastly grin;" and, after a
+compliment of gratulation, they entered into close divan, about the
+measures to be taken in consequence of this event.
+
+There was no room for much debate. It was unanimously agreed that Pickle
+should set out with all possible despatch for the garrison, to which
+Gauntlet and Hatchway resolved to attend him. Pipes was accordingly
+ordered to prepare a couple of post-chaises, while Godfrey went to
+procure bail for his friend, and provide them with money for the expense
+of the expedition; but not before he was desired by Peregrine to
+conceal this piece of news from his sister, that our youth might have
+an opportunity to surprise her in a more interesting manner, after he
+should have settled his affairs.
+
+All these previous steps being taken, in less than an hour our hero took
+his leave of the Fleet, after he had left twenty guineas with the warden
+for the relief of the poor prisoners, a great number of whom conveyed
+him to the gate, pouring forth prayers for his long life and prosperity;
+and he took the road to the garrison, in the most elevated transports of
+joy, unallayed with the least mixture of grief at the death of a parent
+whose paternal tenderness he had never known. His breast was absolutely
+a stranger to that boasted storm, or instinct of affection, by which
+the charities are supposed to subsist.
+
+Of all the journeys he had ever made, this, sure, was the most
+delightful. He felt all the ecstasy that must naturally be produced in a
+young man of his imagination, from such a sudden transition in point of
+circumstance, he found himself delivered from confinement and disgrace,
+without being obliged to any person upon earth for his deliverance; he
+had it now in his power to retort the contempt of the world in a manner
+suited to his most sanguine wish; he was reconciled to his friend, and
+enabled to gratify his love, even upon his own terms; and saw himself
+in possession of a fortune more ample than his first inheritance, with
+a stock of experience that would steer him clear of all those quicksands
+among which he had been formerly wrecked.
+
+In the middle of their journey, while they halted at an inn for a short
+refreshment and change of horses, a postilion running up to Peregrine in
+the yard, fell at his feet, clasped his knees with great eagerness
+and agitation, and presented to him the individual face of his old
+valet-de-chambre. The youth perceiving him in such an abject garb and
+attitude, commanded him to rise and tell the cause of such a miserable
+reverse in his fortune. Upon which Hadgi gave him to understand, that he
+had been ruined by his wife, who, having robbed him of all his cash
+and valuable effects, had eloped from his house with one of his own
+customers, who appeared in the character of a French count, but was in
+reality no other than an Italian fiddler; that, in consequence of this
+retreat, he, the husband, was disabled from paying a considerable sum
+which he had set apart for his wine merchant, who being disappointed in
+his expectation, took out an execution against his effects; and the
+rest of his creditors following his example, hunted him out of house
+and home. So that, finding his person in danger at London, he had been
+obliged to escape into the country, skulking about from one village to
+another, till, being quite destitute of all support, he had undertaken
+his present office, to save himself from starving.
+
+Peregrine listened with compassion to his lamentable tale, which too
+well accounted for his not appearing in the Fleet, with offers of
+service to his master in distress; a circumstance that Pickle had all
+along imputed to his avarice and ingratitude. He assured him, that, as
+he had been the means of throwing in his way the temptation to which
+he fell a sacrifice, he would charge himself with the retrieval of his
+affairs. In the meantime, he made him taste of his bounty, and desired
+him to continue in his present employment until he should return from
+the garrison, when he would consider his situation, and do something for
+his immediate relief.
+
+Hadgi attempted to kiss his shoe, and wept, or affected to weep, with
+sensibility at this gracious reception; he even made a merit of his
+unwillingness to exercise his new occupation, and earnestly begged that
+he might be allowed to give immediate attendance upon his dear master,
+from whom he could not bear the thoughts of a second parting. His
+entreaties were reinforced by the intercession of his two friends, in
+consequence of which the Swiss was permitted to follow them at his own
+leisure, while they set forward after a slight repast, and reached the
+place of their destination before ten o'clock at night.
+
+Peregrine, instead of alighting at the garrison, rode straightway to
+his father's house; and no person appearing to receive him, not even a
+servant to take care of his chaise, he dismounted without assistance.
+Being followed by his two friends, he advanced into the hall, where
+perceiving a bell-rope, he made immediate application to it in such a
+manner as brought a couple of footmen into his presence. After having
+reprimanded them, with a stern look, for their neglect in point of
+attendance, he commanded them to show him into an apartment; and as they
+seemed unwilling to yield obedience to his orders, asked if they did not
+belong to the family?
+
+One of them, who took upon himself the office of spokesman, replied with
+a sullen air, that they had been in the service of old Mr. Pickle, and
+now that he was dead, thought themselves bound to obey nobody but their
+lady, and her son Mr. Gamaliel. This declaration had scarce proceeded
+from his mouth, when our hero gave them to understand, that since
+they were not disposed to own any other master, they must change
+their quarters immediately. He ordered them to decamp without further
+preparation; and, as they still continued restive, they were kicked
+out of doors by the captain and his friend Hatchway. Squire Gam, who
+overheard everything that passed, and was now more than ever inflamed
+with that rancour which he had sucked with his mother's milk, flew to
+the assistance of his adherents, with a pistol in each hand, bellowing
+"Thieves! Thieves!" with great vociferation, as if he had mistaken the
+business of the strangers, and actually believed himself in danger of
+being robbed. Under this pretence he discharged a piece at his brother,
+who luckily escaped the shot, closed with him in a moment, and, wresting
+the other pistol from his grip, turned him out into the courtyard, to
+the consolation of his two dependents.
+
+By this time, Pipes and the two postilions had taken possession of
+the stables, without being opposed by the coachman and his deputy, who
+quietly submitted to the authority of their new sovereign. But the noise
+of the pistol had alarmed Mrs. Pickle, who, running downstairs, with the
+most frantic appearance, attended by two maids and the curate, who still
+maintained his place of chaplain and ghostly director in the family,
+would have assaulted our hero with her nails, had not she been
+restrained by her attendants. Though they prevented her from using her
+hands, they could not hinder her from exercising her tongue, which she
+wagged against him with all the virulence of malice. She asked, if he
+were come to butcher his brother, to insult his father's corpse,
+and triumph in her affliction? She bestowed upon him the epithets of
+spendthrift, jail-bird, and unnatural ruffian; she begged pardon of God
+for having brought such a monster into the world; accused him of having
+brought his father's grey hairs with sorrow to the grave; and affirmed,
+that were he to touch the body, it would bleed at his approach.
+
+Without pretending to refute the articles of this ridiculous charge, he
+allowed her to ring out her alarm; and then calmly replied, that if she
+did not quietly retire to her chamber, and behave as became a person
+in her present situation, he should insist upon her removing to another
+lodging without delay; for he was determined to be master in his own
+family. The lady, who, in all probability, expected that he would
+endeavour to appease her with all the tenderness of filial submission,
+was so much exasperated at his cavalier behaviour, that her constitution
+could not support the transports of her spirits; and she was carried off
+by her women in a fit, while the officious clergyman was dismissed after
+his pupil, with all the circumstances of disgrace.
+
+Our hero having thus made his quarters good, took possession of the best
+apartment in the house, and sent notice of his arrival to Mr. Clover,
+who, with his wife, visited him in less than an hour, and was not a
+little surprised to find him so suddenly settled in his father's house.
+The meeting of Julia and her brother was extremely pathetic. She had
+always loved him with uncommon tenderness, and looked upon him as the
+ornament of her family; but she had heard of his extravagances with
+regret, and though she considered the stories that were circulated
+at his expense, as the malicious exaggerations of his mother and her
+darling son, her apprehension had been grievously alarmed by an account
+of his imprisonment and distress, which had been accidentally conveyed
+to that country by a gentleman from London, who had been formerly of his
+acquaintance; she could not, therefore, without the most tender emotions
+of joy, see him, as it were, restored to his rightful inheritance, and
+re-established in that station of life which she thought he could fill
+with dignity and importance.
+
+After their mutual expressions of affection, she retired to her
+mother's chamber, with a view to make a second offer of her service
+and attendance, which had been already rejected with scorn since her
+father's death; while Peregrine consulted his brother-in-law about the
+affairs of the family, so far as they had fallen within his cognizance
+and observation. Mr. Clover told him, that, though he was never favoured
+with the confidence of the defunct, he knew some of his intimates, who
+had been tampered with by Mrs. Pickle, and even engaged to second the
+remonstrances by which she had often endeavoured to persuade her husband
+to settle his affairs by a formal will; but that he had from time
+to time evaded their importunities with surprising excuses of
+procrastination, that plainly appeared to be the result of invention
+and design, far above the supposed pitch of his capacity; a circumstance
+from which Mr. Clover concluded, that the old gentleman imagined his
+life would not have been secure, had he once taken such a step as would
+have rendered it unnecessary to the independence of his second son.
+He moreover observed, that, in consequence of this information, he no
+sooner heard of Mr. Pickle's death, which happened at the club, than he
+went directly with a lawyer to his house, before any cabal or conspiracy
+could be formed against the rightful heir; and, in presence of witnesses
+provided for the purpose, sealed up all the papers of the deceased,
+after the widow had, in the first transports of her sorrow and vexation,
+fairly owned, that her husband had died intestate.
+
+Peregrine was extremely well satisfied with this intelligence, by which
+all his doubts were dispelled; and, having cheerfully supped with his
+friends on a cold collation, which his brother-in-law had brought in his
+chariot, they retired to rest, in different chambers, after Julia had
+met with another repulse from her capricious mother, whose overflowing
+rage had now subsided into the former channel of calm inveteracy. Next
+morning the house was supplied with some servants from the garrison, and
+preparations were made for the funeral of the deceased. Gam having taken
+lodgings in the neighbourhood, came with a chaise and cart to demand
+his mother, together with his own clothes, and her personal effects.
+Our hero, though he would not suffer him to enter the door, allowed
+his proposal to be communicated to the widow, who eagerly embraced the
+opportunity of removing, and was, with her own baggage, and that of
+her beloved son, conveyed to the place which he had prepared for her
+reception. Thither she was followed by her woman, who was desired by
+Peregrine to assure her mistress, that, until a regular provision could
+be settled upon her, she might command him, in point of money, or any
+other accommodation in his power.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CV.
+
+
+
+He performs the last Offices to his Father, and returns to London, upon
+a very interesting Design.
+
+
+Suits of mourning being provided for himself, his friends and adherents,
+and every other previous measure taken suitable to the occasion, his
+father was interred, in a private manner, in the parish church; and
+his papers being examined, in presence of many persons of honour and
+integrity, invited for that purpose, no will was found, or any other
+deed, in favour of the second son, though it appeared by the marriage
+settlement, that the widow was entitled to a jointure of five hundred
+pounds a year. The rest of his papers consisted of East India bonds,
+South Sea annuities, mortgages, notes, and assignments, to the amount
+of four score thousand seven hundred and sixty pounds, exclusive of
+the house, plate and furniture, horses, equipage, and cattle, with the
+garden and park adjacent, to a very considerable extent.
+
+This was a sum that even exceeded his expectation, and could not fail
+to entertain his fancy with the most agreeable ideas. He found himself
+immediately a man of vast consequence among his country neighbours, who
+visited him with compliments of congratulation, and treated him with
+such respect as would have effectually spoiled any young man of his
+disposition, who had not the same advantages of experience as he had
+already purchased at a very extravagant price. Thus shielded with
+caution, he bore his prosperity with surprising temperance; everybody
+was charmed with his affability and moderation. When he made a circuit
+round the gentlemen of the district, in order to repay the courtesy
+which he owed, he was caressed by them with uncommon assiduity, and
+advised to offer himself as a candidate for the county at the next
+election, which, they supposed, would soon happen, because the present
+member was in a declining state of health. Nor did his person and
+address escape unheeded by the ladies, many of whom did not scruple to
+spread their attractions before him, with a view of captivating such
+a valuable prize: nay, such an impression did this legacy make upon
+a certain peer, who resided in this part of the country, that he
+cultivated Pickle's acquaintance with great eagerness, and, without
+circumlocution, offered to him in marriage his only daughter, with a
+very considerable fortune.
+
+Our hero expressed himself upon this occasion as became a man of
+honour, sensibility, and politeness, and frankly gave his lordship to
+understand, that his heart was already engaged. He was pleased with the
+opportunity of making such a sacrifice of his passion for Emilia, which,
+by this time, inflamed his thoughts to such a degree of impatience, that
+he resolved to depart for London with all possible speed; and for
+that purpose industriously employed almost every hour of his time in
+regulating his domestic affairs. He paid off all his father's servants,
+and hired others, at the recommendation of his sister, who promised
+to superintend his household in his absence. He advanced the first
+half-yearly payment of his mother's jointure; and as for his brother
+Gam, he gave him divers opportunities of acknowledging his faults, so
+that he might have answered to his own conscience for taking any step in
+his favour; but that young gentleman was not yet sufficiently humbled
+by misfortune, and not only forbore to make any overtures of peace, but
+also took all occasions to slander the conduct and revile the person of
+our hero, being in this practice comforted and abetted by his righteous
+mamma.
+
+Everything being thus settled for the present, the triumvirate set out
+on their return to town in the same manner with that in which they had
+arrived in the country, except in this small variation, that Hatchway's
+chaise-companion was now the valet-de-chambre refitted, instead of
+Pipes, who, with another lacquey, attended them on horseback. When
+they had performed two-thirds of their way to London, they chanced to
+overtake a country squire, on his return from a visit to one of his
+neighbours, who had entertained him with such hospitality, that, as the
+lieutenant observed, he rolled himself almost gunwale to every motion
+of his horse, which was a fine hunter; and when the chaise passed him
+at full speed, he set up the sportsman's halloo, in a voice that sounded
+like a French horn, clapping spurs to Sorrel at the same time, in order
+to keep up with the pace of the machine.
+
+Peregrine, who was animated with an uncommon flow of spirits, ordered
+his postilion to proceed more softly; and entered into conversation with
+the stranger, touching the make and mettle of his horse, upon which he
+descanted with so much learning, that the squire was astonished at his
+knowledge. When they approached his habitation, he invited the young
+gentleman and his company to halt, and drink a bottle of his ale;
+and was so pressing in his solicitation, that they complied with his
+request. He accordingly conducted them through a spacious avenue, that
+extended as far as the highway, to the gate of a large chateau, of a
+most noble and venerable appearance, which induced them to alight and
+view the apartments, contrary to their first intention of drinking a
+glass of his October at the door.
+
+The rooms were every way suitable to the magnificence of the outside,
+and our hero imagined they had made a tour through the whole sweep, when
+the landlord gave him to understand that they had not yet seen the
+best apartment of the house, and immediately led them into a spacious
+dining-room, which Peregrine did not enter without giving manifest
+signs of uncommon astonishment. The panels all round were covered with
+portraits at full length, by Vandyke; and not one of them appeared
+without a ridiculous tie-periwig, in the style of those that usually
+hang over the shops of twopenny barbers. The straight boots in which
+the figures had been originally painted, and the other circumstances of
+attitude and drapery, so inconsistent with this monstrous furniture of
+the head, exhibited such a ludicrous appearance, that Pickle's wonder,
+in a little time, gave way to his mirth, and he was seized with a
+violent fit of laughter, which had well-nigh deprived him of his breath.
+
+The squire, half-pleased and half-offended at this expression of
+ridicule, "I know," said he, "what makes you laugh so woefully; you
+think it strange to zee my vorefathers booted and spurred, with huge
+three-tailed periwigs on their pates. The truth of the matter is this: I
+could not abide to zee the pictures of my vamily with a parcel of loose
+hair hanging about their eyes, like zo many colts; and zo I employed a
+painter vellow from Lundon to clap decent periwigs upon their skulls,
+at the rate of vive shillings a head, and offered him three shillings a
+piece to furnish each with a handsome pair of shoes and stockings: but
+the rascal, thinking I must have 'em done at any price after their heads
+were covered, haggled with me for four shillings a picture; and zo,
+rather than be imposed upon, I turned him off, and shall let 'em stand
+as they are, till zome more reasonable brother of the brush comes round
+the country."
+
+Pickle commended his resolution, though in his heart, he blessed himself
+from such a barbarous Goth; and, after they had despatched two or three
+bottles of his beer, they proceeded on their journey, and arrived in
+town about eleven at night.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER CVI.
+
+
+
+He enjoys an interview with Emilia, and makes himself ample Amends for
+all the Mortifications of his Life.
+
+
+Godfrey, who had taken leave of his sister, on pretence of making a
+short excursion with Peregrine, whose health required the enjoyment of
+fresh air, after his long confinement, sent a message to her, that
+same night, announcing his arrival, and giving her notice that he would
+breakfast with her next morning; when he and our hero, who had dressed
+himself for the purpose, taking a hackney-coach, repaired to her
+lodging, and were introduced into a parlour adjoining to that in which
+the tea-table was set. Here they had not waited many minutes when they
+heard the sound of feet coming downstairs; upon which our hero's heart
+began to beat the alarm. He concealed himself behind the screen, by the
+direction of his friend, whose ears being saluted with Sophy's voice
+from the next room, he flew into it with great ardour, and enjoyed upon
+her lips the sweet transports of a meeting so unexpected; for he had
+left her in her father's house at Windsor.
+
+Amidst these emotions, he had almost forgotten the situation of
+Peregrine; when Emilia, assuming her enchanting air: "Is not this," said
+she, "a most provoking scene to a young woman like me, who am doomed
+to wear the willow, by the strange caprice of my lover? Upon my word,
+brother, you have done me infinite prejudice, in promoting this jaunt
+with my obstinate correspondent; who, I suppose, is so ravished with
+this transient glimpse of liberty, that he will never be persuaded
+to incur unnecessary confinement for the future."--"My dear sister,"
+replied the captain tauntingly, "your own pride set him the example; so
+you must e'en stand to the consequence of his imitation."--"'Tis a hard
+case, however," answered the fair offender, "that I should suffer all
+my life, by one venial trespass. Heigh ho! who would imagine that
+a sprightly girl, such as I, with ten thousand pounds, should go a
+begging? I have a good mind to marry the next person that asks me the
+question, in order to be revenged upon this unyielding humourist. Did
+the dear fellow discover no inclination to see me, in all the term of
+his releasement? Well, if ever I can catch the fugitive again, he shall
+sing in his cage for life."
+
+It is impossible to convey to the reader a just idea of Peregrine's
+transports, while he overheard this declaration; which was no sooner
+pronounced, than, unable to resist the impetuosity of his passion,
+he sprung from his lurking-place, exclaiming, "Here I surrender!" and
+rushing into her presence, was so dazzled with her beauty, that his
+speech failed. He was fixed like a statue to the floor; and all his
+faculties were absorbed in admiration. Indeed, she was now in the full
+bloom of her charms, and it was nearly impossible to look upon her
+without emotion. What then must have been the ecstasy of our youth,
+whose passion was whetted with all the incitements which could stimulate
+the human heart! The ladies screamed with surprise at his appearance,
+and Emilia underwent such agitation as flushed every charm with
+irresistible energy: her cheeks glowed with a most delicate suffusion,
+and her bosom heaved with such bewitching undulation, that the cambric
+could not conceal or contain the snowy hemispheres, that rose like a
+vision of paradise to his view.
+
+While he was almost fainting with unutterable delight, she seemed to
+sink under the tumults of tenderness and confusion; when our hero,
+perceiving her condition, obeyed the impulse of his love, and circled
+the charmer in his arms, without suffering the least frown or symptom
+of displeasure. Not all the pleasures of his life had amounted to the
+ineffable joy of this embrace, in which he continued for some minutes
+totally entranced. He fastened upon her pouting lips with all the
+eagerness of rapture; and, while his brain seemed to whirl round with
+transport, exclaimed, in a delirium of bliss, "Heaven and earth! this is
+too much to bear."
+
+His imagination was accordingly relieved, and his attention in some
+measure divided, by the interposition of Sophy, who kindly chid him for
+his having overlooked his old friends. Thus accosted, he quitted his
+delicious armful, and, saluting Mrs. Gauntlet, asked pardon for his
+neglect; observing that such rudeness was excusable, considering the
+long and unhappy exile which he had suffered from the jewel of his
+soul. Then turning to Emilia, "I am come, madam," said he, "to claim
+the performance of your promise, which I can produce under your own
+fair hand. You may, therefore, lay aside all superfluous ceremony and
+shyness, and crown my happiness without further delay; for, upon my
+soul! my thoughts are wound up to the last pitch of expectation, and
+I shall certainly run distracted, if I am doomed to any term of
+probation."
+
+His mistress having by this time recollected herself, replied, with a
+most exhilarating smile, "I ought to punish you for your obstinacy
+with the mortification of a twelvemonth's trial; but it is dangerous to
+tamper with an admirer of your disposition, and therefore, I think, I
+must make sure of you while it is in my power."--"You are willing
+then to take me for better, for worse, in presence of heaven and these
+witnesses?" cried Peregrine kneeling, and applying her hand to his lips.
+At this interrogation, her features softened into an amazing expression
+of condescending love; and, while she darted a side glance that thrilled
+to his marrow, and heaved a sigh more soft than Zephyr's balmy wing, her
+answer was, "Why--ay--and heaven grant me patience to bear the humours
+of such a yoke-fellow."--"And may the same powers," replied the youth,
+"grant me life and opportunity to manifest the immensity of my
+love. Meanwhile, I have eighty thousand pounds, which shall be laid
+immediately in your lap."
+
+So saying, he sealed the contract upon her lips, and explained the
+mystery of his last words, which had begun to operate upon the wonder of
+the two sisters. Sophy was agreeably surprised with the account of his
+good fortune; nor was it, in all probability, unacceptable to the
+lovely Emilia; though, from this information, she took an opportunity
+to upbraid her admirer with the inflexibility of his pride, which,
+she scrupled not to say, would have baffled all the suggestions of his
+passion, had it not been gratified by this providential event.
+
+Matters being thus happily matured, the lover begged that immediate
+recourse might be had to the church, and his happiness ascertained
+before night. But the bride objected with great vehemence to such
+precipitation, being desirous of her mother's presence at the ceremony;
+and she was seconded in her opinion by her brother's wife. Peregrine,
+maddening with desire, assaulted her with the most earnest entreaties,
+representing, that, as her mother's consent was already obtained, there
+was surely no necessity for delay, that must infallibly make a dangerous
+impression upon his brain and constitution. He fell at her feet in
+all the agony of impatience; and swore his life and intellects would
+actually be in jeopardy by her refusal; and, when she attempted to argue
+him out of his demand, began to rage with such extravagance, that Sophy
+was frightened into conviction; and Godfrey enforcing the remonstrances
+of his friend, the amiable Emilia was teased into compliance.
+
+After breakfast the bridegroom and his companion set out for the Commons
+for a licence, having first agreed upon the house at which the ceremony
+should be performed, in the lodgings of the bride; and the permission
+being obtained, they found means to engage a clergyman, who undertook to
+attend them at their own time and place. Then a ring was purchased for
+the occasion; and they went in search of the lieutenant, with whom they
+dined at a tavern, and not only made him acquainted with the steps they
+had taken, but desired that he would stand godfather to the bride:
+an employment which Jack accepted with demonstrations of particular
+satisfaction; till chancing to look into the street, and seeing
+Cadwallader approach the door, in consequence of a message they had sent
+to him by Pipes, he declined the office in favour of the senior, who was
+accordingly ordained for that purpose, on the supposition that such
+a mark of regard might facilitate his concurrence with a match, which
+otherwise he would certainly oppose, as he was a professed enemy to
+wedlock, and, as yet, ignorant of Peregrine's intention.
+
+After having congratulated Pickle upon his succession, and shook his two
+friends by the hand, the misanthrope asked whose mare was dead, that he
+was summoned in such a plaguy hurry from his dinner, which he had been
+fain to gobble up like a cannibal? Our hero gave him to understand, that
+they had made an appointment to drink tea with two agreeable ladies,
+and were unwilling that he should lose the opportunity of enjoying an
+entertainment which he loved so much. Crabtree, shrivelling up his face
+like an autumn leaf at this intimation, cursed his complaisance, and
+swore they should keep their assignation without him; for he and lechery
+had shook bands many years ago.
+
+The bridegroom, however, likening him unto an old coachman who still
+delights in the smack of the whip, and dropping some flattering hints
+of his manhood, even at these years, he was gradually prevailed upon to
+accompany them to the place of rendezvous; where, being ushered into a
+dining-room, they had not waited three minutes, when they were joined by
+the parson, who had observed the hour with great punctuality.
+
+This gentleman no sooner entered the room, than Cadwallader, in a
+whisper to Gauntlet, asked if that was not the cock-b--d; and, before
+the captain could make any reply, "What an unconscionable w-- master the
+rogue is!" said he, "scarce discharged from confinement, and sweetened
+with a little fresh air, when he wenches with a pimp in canonicals in
+his pay." The door again opened, and Emilia broke in upon them,
+with such dignity of mien, and divinity of aspect, as inspired every
+spectator with astonishment and admiration. The lieutenant, who had not
+seen her since her charms were ripened into such perfection, expressed
+his wonder and approbation in an exclamation of "Add's zooks! what
+a glorious galley!" and the misanthrope's visage was instantly
+metamorphosed into the face of a mountain goat. He licked his lips
+instinctively, snuffed the air, and squinted with a most horrible
+obliquity of vision.
+
+The bride and her sister being seated, and Hatchway having renewed
+his acquaintance with the former, who recognized him with particular
+civility, Peregrine withdrew into another apartment with his friend
+Crabtree, to whom he imparted the design of his meeting; which the
+latter no sooner understood, than he attempted to retreat, without
+making any other reply than that of "Pshaw! rot your matrimony! can't
+you put your neck in the noose, without my being a witness of your
+folly?"
+
+The young gentleman, in order to vanquish this aversion, stepped to the
+door of the next room, and begged the favour of speaking with Emilia,
+to whom he introduced the testy old bachelor as one of his particular
+friends, who desired to have the honour of giving her away. The
+bewitching smile with which she received his salute, and granted his
+request, at once overcame the disapprobation of the misanthrope, who,
+with a relaxation in his countenance, which had never been perceived
+before that instant, thanked her in the most polite terms for such
+an agreeable mark of distinction. He accordingly led her to the
+dining-room, where the ceremony was performed without delay; and after
+the husband had asserted his prerogative on her lips, the whole company
+saluted her by the name of Mrs. Pickle.
+
+I shall leave the sensible reader to judge what passed at this juncture
+within the bosoms of the new-married couple: Peregrine's heart was fired
+with inexpressible ardour and impatience; while the transports of the
+bride were mingled with a dash of diffidence and apprehension. Gauntlet
+saw it would be too much for both to bear their present tantalizing
+situation till night, without some amusement to divert their thoughts;
+and therefore proposed to pass part of the evening at the public
+entertainments in Marylebone gardens, which were at that time frequented
+by the best company in town. The scheme was relished by the discreet
+Sophy, who saw the meaning of the proposal, and the bride submitted
+to the persuasion of her sister; so that, after tea, two coaches were
+called, and Peregrine was forcibly separated from his charmer during the
+conveyance.
+
+The new-married couple and their company having made shift to spend
+the evening, and supped on a slight collation in one of the boxes,
+Peregrine's patience was almost quite exhausted, and taking Godfrey
+aside, he imparted his intention to withdraw in private from the sea-wit
+of his friend Hatchway, who would otherwise retard his bliss with
+unseasonable impediments, which, at present, he could not possibly bear.
+Gauntlet, who sympathized with his impatience, undertook to intoxicate
+the lieutenant with bumpers to the joy of the bride, and, in the
+meantime, desired Sophy to retire with his sister, under the auspices of
+Cadwallader, who promised to squire them home.
+
+The ladies were accordingly conducted to the coach, and Jack proposed
+to the captain, that, for the sake of the joke, the bridegroom should
+be plied with liquor, in such a manner as would effectually disable him
+from enjoying the fruits of his good-fortune for one night at least.
+Gauntlet seemed to relish the scheme, and they prevailed upon Pickle to
+accompany them to a certain tavern, on pretence of drinking a farewell
+glass to a single life: there the bottle was circulated, till Hatchway's
+brain began to suffer innovation. As he had secured our hero's hat and
+sword, he felt no apprehension of an elopement, which, however, was
+effected; and the youth hastened on the wings of love to the arms of his
+enchanting bride. He found Crabtree in a parlour waiting for his return,
+and disposed to entertain him with a lecture upon temperance; to which
+he paid very little attention, but ringing for Emilia's maid, desired to
+know if her mistress was in bed. Being answered in the affirmative, he
+sent her up-stairs to announce his arrival, undressed himself to a loose
+gown and slippers, and, wishing the misanthrope good night, after having
+desired to see him next day, followed in person to the delicious
+scene, where he found her elegantly dished out, the fairest daughter of
+chastity and love.
+
+When he approached, she was overwhelmed with confusion, and hid her
+lovely face from his transporting view. Mrs. Gauntlet, seeing his eyes
+kindled at the occasion, kissed her charming sister, who, throwing her
+snowy arms about her neck, would have detained her in the room, had
+not Peregrine gently disengaged her confidante from her embrace,
+and conducted her trembling to the door; which having bolted and
+barricadoed, he profited by his good fortune, and his felicity was
+perfect.
+
+Next day he rose about noon, and found his three friends assembled, when
+he learned that Jack had fallen in his own snare, and been obliged to
+lie in the same tavern where he fell; a circumstance of which he was so
+much ashamed, that Peregrine and his wife escaped many jokes, which he
+would have certainly cracked, had he not lain under the imputation of
+this disgrace. In half an hour after he came down, Mrs. Pickle appeared
+with Sophy, blushing like Aurora or the goddess of health, and sending
+forth emanations of beauty unparalleled. She was complimented upon her
+change of situation by all present, and by none more warmly than by
+old Crabtree, who declared himself so well satisfied with his friend's
+fortune, as to be almost reconciled to that institution, against which
+he had declaimed during the best part of his life.
+
+An express was immediately despatched to Mrs. Gauntlet, with an account
+of her daughter's marriage: a town-house was hired, and a handsome
+equipage set up, in which the new-married pair appeared at all public
+places, to the astonishment of our adventurer's fair-weather friends,
+and the admiration of all the world: for, in point of figure, such
+another couple was not to be found in the whole United Kingdom. Envy
+despaired, and detraction was struck dumb, when our hero's new accession
+of fortune was consigned to the celebration of public fame: Emilia
+attracted the notice of all observers, from the pert Templar to
+the Sovereign himself, who was pleased to bestow encomiums upon the
+excellence of her beauty. Many persons of consequence, who had dropped
+the acquaintance of Peregrine in the beginning of his decline, now made
+open efforts to cultivate his friendship anew; but he discouraged all
+these advances with the most mortifying disdain; and one day when
+the nobleman, whom he had formerly obliged, came up to him in the
+drawing-room, with the salutation of "Your servant, Mr. Pickle," he eyed
+him with a look of ineffable contempt, saying, "I suppose your lordship
+is mistaken in your man," and turned his head another way in presence of
+the whole court.
+
+When he had made a circuit round all the places frequented by the
+beau-monde, to the utter confusion of those against whom his resentment
+was kindled; paid off his debts, and settled his money matters in town,
+Hatchway was dismissed to the country, in order to prepare for the
+reception of his fair Emilia. In a few days after his departure, the
+whole company, Cadwallader himself included, set out for his father's
+house, and, in their way, took up Mrs. Gauntlet, the mother, who was
+sincerely rejoiced to see our hero in the capacity of her son-in-law.
+From her habitation they proceeded homewards at an easy pace, and,
+amidst the acclamations of the whole parish, entered their own house,
+where Emilia was received in the most tender manner by Mr. Clover's
+wife, who had provided everything for her ease and accommodation; and,
+next day, surrendered unto her the management of her own household
+affairs.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle,
+Volume I, by Tobias Smollett
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