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- float: left; - margin-right: 1em } - -.align-right { clear: right; - float: right; - margin-left: 1em } - -.align-center { margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto } - -div.shrinkwrap { display: table; } - -/* SECTIONS */ - -body { margin: 5% 10% 5% 10% } - -/* compact list items containing just one p */ -li p.pfirst { margin-top: 0; margin-bottom: 0 } - -.first { margin-top: 0 !important; - text-indent: 0 !important } -.last { margin-bottom: 0 !important } - -span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 } -img.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.5em 0 0; max-width: 25% } -span.dropspan { font-variant: small-caps } - -.no-page-break { page-break-before: avoid !important } - -/* PAGINATION */ - -@media screen { - .coverpage, .frontispiece, .titlepage, .verso, .dedication, .plainpage - { margin: 10% 0; } - - div.clearpage, div.cleardoublepage - { margin: 10% 0; border: none; border-top: 1px solid gray; } - - .vfill { margin: 5% 10% } -} - -@media print { - div.clearpage { page-break-before: always; padding-top: 10% } - div.cleardoublepage { page-break-before: right; padding-top: 10% } - - .vfill { margin-top: 20% } - h2.title { margin-top: 20% } -} - -</style> -<title>LILIAN</title> -<meta name="PG.Rights" content="Public Domain" /> -<meta name="PG.Title" content="Lilian" /> -<meta name="PG.Producer" content="Al Haines" /> -<link rel="coverpage" href="images/img-cover.jpg" /> -<meta name="DC.Creator" content="Arnold Bennett" /> -<meta name="DC.Created" content="1922" /> -<meta name="PG.Id" content="40343" /> -<meta name="PG.Released" content="2012-07-26" /> -<meta name="DC.Language" content="en" /> -<meta name="DC.Title" content="Lilian" /> - -<link href="http://purl.org/dc/terms/" rel="schema.DCTERMS" /> -<link href="http://id.loc.gov/vocabulary/relators" rel="schema.MARCREL" /> -<meta content="Lilian" name="DCTERMS.title" /> -<meta content="lilian.rst" name="DCTERMS.source" /> -<meta content="en" scheme="DCTERMS.RFC4646" name="DCTERMS.language" /> -<meta content="2012-07-27T03:17:48.294622+00:00" scheme="DCTERMS.W3CDTF" name="DCTERMS.modified" /> -<meta content="Project Gutenberg" name="DCTERMS.publisher" /> -<meta content="Public Domain in the USA." name="DCTERMS.rights" /> -<link href="http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/40343" rel="DCTERMS.isFormatOf" /> -<meta content="Arnold Bennett" name="DCTERMS.creator" /> -<meta content="2012-07-26" scheme="DCTERMS.W3CDTF" name="DCTERMS.created" /> -<meta content="width=device-width" name="viewport" /> -<meta content="EpubMaker 0.3.19b4 by Marcello Perathoner <webmaster@gutenberg.org>" name="generator" /> -<style type="text/css"> -.pageno { position: absolute; right: 95%; font: medium sans-serif; text-indent: 0 } -.pageno:after { color: gray; content: '[' attr(title) ']' } -.lineno { position: absolute; left: 95%; font: medium sans-serif; text-indent: 0 } -.lineno:after { color: gray; content: '[' attr(title) ']' } -.toc-pageref { float: right } -pre { font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.9em; white-space: pre-wrap } -</style> -</head> -<body> -<div class="document" id="lilian"> -<h1 class="document-title level-1 pfirst title">LILIAN</h1> - -<!-- -*- encoding: utf-8 -*- --> -<div class="clearpage"> -</div> -<!-- -*- encoding: utf-8 -*- --> -<div class="align-None container language-en noindent pgheader" id="pg-header" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> -<p class="noindent pfirst">This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the <a class="reference internal" href="#project-gutenberg-license">Project Gutenberg License</a> -included with this eBook or online at -<a class="reference external" href="http://www.gutenberg.org/license">http://www.gutenberg.org/license</a>.</p> -<p class="noindent pnext"></p> -<div class="noindent vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<div class="align-None container noindent white-space-pre-line" id="pg-machine-header"> -<p class="noindent pfirst white-space-pre-line"><span class="white-space-pre-line">Title: Lilian<br /> -<br /> -Author: Arnold Bennett<br /> -<br /> -Release Date: July 26, 2012 [EBook #40343]<br /> -<br /> -Language: English<br /> -<br /> -Character set encoding: UTF-8</span></p> -</div> -<div class="noindent vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="noindent pfirst" id="pg-start-line">*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK <span>LILIAN</span> ***</p> -<div class="noindent vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="noindent pfirst" id="pg-produced-by"><span>Produced by Al Haines.</span></p> -<div class="noindent vspace" style="height: 1em"> -</div> -<p class="noindent pfirst"><span></span></p> -</div> -<div class="align-None container coverpage"> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 3em"> -</div> -<div class="align-center auto-scaled figure" style="width: 49%" id="figure-6"> -<span id="cover"></span><img class="align-center" style="display: block; width: 100%" alt=" " src="images/img-cover.jpg" /> -<div class="caption figure"> -Cover</div> -</div> -</div> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<div class="align-None center container titlepage white-space-pre-line"> -<p class="pfirst white-space-pre-line x-large">LILIAN</p> -<div class="vspace white-space-pre-line" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="medium pfirst white-space-pre-line">BY</p> -<p class="medium pnext white-space-pre-line">Arnold Bennett</p> -<div class="vspace white-space-pre-line" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="medium pfirst white-space-pre-line">CASSELL AND COMPANY, LTD<br /> -London, New York, Toronto and Melbourne</p> -<div class="vspace white-space-pre-line" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -</div> -<div class="align-None center container verso white-space-pre-line"> -<p class="center pfirst small white-space-pre-line"><em class="italics white-space-pre-line">First published, 1922</em></p> -<div class="vspace white-space-pre-line" style="height: 3em"> -</div> -<p class="center pfirst small white-space-pre-line"><em class="italics white-space-pre-line">Printed in Great Britain</em></p> -</div> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<div class="align-None center container dedication white-space-pre-line"> -<p class="medium pfirst white-space-pre-line">TO<br /> -BERTIE SULLIVAN<br /> -AND<br /> -AMARYLLIS<br /> -WITH AFFECTION AND GRATITUDE</p> -</div> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">CONTENTS.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center medium pfirst"><em class="italics">PART I</em></p> -<ol class="left medium upperroman simple white-space-pre-line"> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-girl-alone">The Girl Alone</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#early-years">Early Years</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#advice-to-the-young-beauty">Advice to the Young Beauty</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-clubman">The Clubman</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-devotee">The Devotee</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-telephone">The Telephone</a></p> -</li> -</ol> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center medium pfirst"><em class="italics">PART II</em></p> -<ol class="left medium upperroman simple white-space-pre-line"> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-suicide">The Suicide</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-malady">The Malady</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#shut">Shut</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-vizier">The Vizier</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-martyr">The Martyr</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-invitation">The Invitation</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-avowal">The Avowal</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#philosophy-of-the-grey-haired">Philosophy of the Grey-Haired</a></p> -</li> -</ol> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center medium pfirst"><em class="italics">PART III</em></p> -<ol class="left medium upperroman simple white-space-pre-line"> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#in-the-hotel">In the Hotel</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-big-yacht">The Big Yacht</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-casino">The Casino</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#chemin-de-fer">Chemin de fer</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#in-the-hills">In the Hills</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-benefactress">The Benefactress</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-doctor">The Doctor</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#marriage">Marriage</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-widow">The Widow</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-wreath">The Wreath</a></p> -</li> -</ol> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center medium pfirst"><em class="italics">PART IV</em></p> -<ol class="left medium upperroman simple white-space-pre-line"> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-return">The Return</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#miss-grig">Miss Grig</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-lieutenant">The Lieutenant</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#the-new-employer">The New Employer</a></p> -</li> -<li class="white-space-pre-line"><p class="first pfirst white-space-pre-line"><a class="reference internal white-space-pre-line" href="#layette">Layette</a></p> -</li> -</ol> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-girl-alone">PART I</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center pfirst x-large">LILIAN</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">I</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Girl Alone</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian, in dark blue office frock with an embroidered -red line round the neck and detachable black wristlets -that preserved the ends of the sleeves from dust and -friction, sat idle at her flat desk in what was called -"the small room" at Felix Grig's establishment in -Clifford Street, off Bond Street. There were three -desks, three typewriting machines and three -green-shaded lamps. Only Lilian's lamp was lighted, and -she sat alone, with darkness above her chestnut hair -and about her, and a circle of radiance below. She -was twenty-three. Through the drawn blind of the -window could just be discerned the backs of the -letters of words painted on the glass: "Felix Grig. -Typewriting Office. Open day and night." Seen -from the street the legend stood out black and clear -against the faintly glowing blind. It was 11 P.M.</p> -<p class="pnext">That a beautiful young girl, created for pleasure -and affection and expensive flattery, should be sitting -by herself at 11 P.M. in a gloomy office in Clifford -Street, in the centre of the luxurious, pleasure-mad, -love-mad West End of London seemed shocking and -contrary to nature, and Lilian certainly so regarded -it. She pictured the shut shops, and shops and yet -again shops, filled with elegance and costliness--robes, -hats, stockings, shoes, gloves, incredibly fine -lingerie, furs, jewels, perfumes--designed and -confected for the setting-off of just such young -attractiveness as hers. She pictured herself rifling those -deserted and silent shops by some magic means and -emerging safe, undetected, in batiste so rare that her -skin blushed through it, in a frock that was priceless -and yet nothing at all, and in warm marvellous sables -that no blast of wind or misfortune could ever -penetrate--and diamonds in her hair. She pictured -thousands of smart women, with imperious command over -rich, attendant males, who at that very moment were -moving quickly in automobiles from theatres towards -the dancing-clubs that clustered round Felix Grig's -typewriting office. At that very moment she herself -ought to have been dancing. Not in a smart club; -no! Only in the basement of a house where an -acquaintance of hers lodged; and only with clerks -and things like that; and only to a gramophone. But -still a dance, a respite from the immense ennui and -solitude called existence!</p> -<p class="pnext">She had been kept late at the office because of -Miss Grig's failure to arrive. Miss Grig, sister of -Felix, was the mainspring of the establishment, -which, except financially, belonged much more to her -than to Felix. Miss Grig energized it, organized it, -and disciplined it, in addition to loving it. Hers -had been the idea--not quite original, but none the -less very valuable as an advertisement--of remaining -open all night. Clever men would tell simpletons in -men's clubs about the typewriting office that was -never closed--example of the inexhaustible wonderfulness -of a great capital!--and would sometimes -with a wink and a single phrase endow the office -with a dubious and exciting reputation. Miss Grig -herself was the chief night-watcher. She exulted in -vigils. After attendance in the afternoon, if her -health was reasonably good, she would come on duty -again at 8 P.M. and go home by an early Tube train -on the following morning. One of the day staff -would remain until 8 P.M. in order to hand over to -her; as a recompense this girl would be let off at -4 P.M. instead of 6 P.M. the next day. Justice reigned; -and all the organization for dealing with rushes of -work was inspired by Miss Grig's own admirable -ideas of justice.</p> -<p class="pnext">On this night Lilian had been appointed to stay -till 8 o'clock. Eight o'clock--no Miss Grig. -Eight-thirty o'clock--no Miss Grig. Nine, -nine-thirty, ten o'clock--no Miss Grig. And now eleven -o'clock and no Miss Grig. It was unprecedented and -dreadfully disturbing. Lilian even foresaw a lonely, -horrible night in the office, with nothing but tea, -bread-and-butter, and the living gas-stove to comfort -her. Agonizing prospect! She had spent nights in -the office before, but never alone. She felt that she -simply could not support the ordeal; yet--such was -the moral, invisible empire of absent Miss Grig--she -dared not shut up the office and depart. The office -naturally had a telephone, but most absurdly there -was no telephone at the Grigs' house--Felix's fault!--and -so Lilian could only speculate upon the -explanation of Miss Grig's absence. She speculated -melodramatically.</p> -<p class="pnext">Then her lovely little ear, quickened by apprehension, -heard footsteps on the lower stairs. Heavy -footsteps, but rapid enough! She flew through the -ante-room to the outer door and fearfully opened it, -and gazed downwards to the electric light that, -somehow equivocally, invited wayfarers to pass through -the ever-open street door and climb the shadowy steps -to the second storey and behold there strange matters.</p> -<p class="pnext">A villainous old fellow was hurrying up the -echoing stairs. He wore a pea-jacket and a red cotton -muffler. A moment ago she had had no thought of -personal danger. Now, in an instant, she was petrified -with fright. Her face turned from rose to grey.... -Of course it was a hold-up! Post offices, and -box offices of theatres, and even banks had been held -up of late. Banks, Felix Grig had heard, were -taking precautions. Felix had suggested that he -too ought to take precautions--revolvers, alarm-bells, -etc.--but Miss Grig, not approving, had smiled her -wise, condescending smile, and nothing had been -done. Miss Grig (thought Lilian) had no imagination--that -was what was wrong with her!</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss!" growled hoarsely the oncoming bandit, -"give us a match, will ye?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Yes, they always began thus innocently, did -robbers. Lilian tried to speak and could not. She -could not even dash within and bang and bolt the -door. With certain crises she might possibly be -able to deal, but not with this sort of crisis. She -was as defenceless as a blossom. She thought -passionately that destiny had no right to put her in such -a terrible extremity, and that the whole world was to -blame. She felt as once women used to feel in the -sack of cities, faint with fear--and streaks of thrilled, -eager, voluptuous anticipation running through the -fear! She reflected that the matches were on the -mantelpiece over the gas-stove.</p> -<p class="pnext">The man stood on the landing. He had an odour. -He was tall; he would have made four of Lilian. -She knew that it was ridiculous to retreat into the -office and find the matches demanded; she knew -that the matches were only a pretext; she knew that -she ought to hit on some brilliant expedient for -outwitting the bandit and winning eternal glory in the -evening papers; but she retreated into the office to -find the matches. He followed heavily behind her. -He was within her room.... She could not have -turned to face him for ropes of great pearls.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Give us a box, miss. It's a windy night. Two -of me lamps is blown out, and I dropped me matches -into me tea-can--ha, ha!--and I ain't got no paper -to carry a light from me fire, and I ain't seen a bobby -for an hour. No, I hain't, though you wouldn't -believe me."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was suddenly blinded by the truth. The -roadway of Clifford Street and part of Bond Street was -in the midst of a process of deep excavation; it was -acutely "up," to the detriment of traffic and trade; -and this fellow was the night-watchman who sat in a -sentry-box by a burning brazier. She recognized -him....</p> -<p class="pnext">"Thank ye kindly, miss, and may God bless yer! -I knowed ye was open all night. Good night. Hope -I didn't frighten ye, miss." He laughed grimly, -roguishly and honestly.</p> -<p class="pnext">When he was gone Lilian laughed also, but -hysterically. She did not at all want to laugh, but -she laughed. Then she dropped into her chair and -wept with painful sobbing violence. And as, -regaining calm, she realized the horrors which might -have happened to her, the resentment in her heart -against destiny and against the whole world grew -intense and filled her heart to the exclusion of every -other feeling.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="early-years">II</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Early Years</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Miss Share, as she was addressed in the office, was -the only child of an art-master, and until she found -the West End she had lived all her life in a long -Putney "road," no house of which could truthfully -say that it was in any way better than or different from -its neighbours. This street realized the ideal of -equality before God. It had been Lilian's prison, -from which she was let out for regular daily exercise, -and she hated it as ardently as any captive ever hated -a prison. Lionel Share had had charge over the art -side of an enormous polytechnic in another suburb. -In youth he had won a national scholarship at South -Kensington, and the glory of the scholarship never -faded--not even when he was elected President of the -Association of Art Masters. He was destined by fate -to be a teacher of art, and appointed by heaven to -be a headmaster and to reach the highest height of -artistic pedagogy. He understood organization; the -handling of committees, of under-masters and of -pupils; the filling-up of forms; the engaging of -models; and he understood profoundly the craft of -pushing pupils successfully through examinations. -His name was a sweet odour in the nostrils of the -London County Council. He rehabilitated art and -artists in Putney, which admitted that it had had -quite a wrong notion of art and artists, having -hitherto regarded art as unmanly, and artists as queer, -loose, bankruptcy-bound fellows; whereas Mr. Share -paid his rent promptly, went to Margate for his long -holiday, wore a frock-coat, attended church, and had -been mentioned as a suitable candidate for the Putney -Borough Council. Until Mr. Share Putney had -never been able to explain to itself the respectability -of the National Gallery, which after all was full of -art done by artists. The phenomenon of Mr. Share -solved the enigma--the Old Masters must have been -like Lionel Share.</p> -<p class="pnext">At home Mr. Share was a fat man with a black -beard and moustache, who adored his daughter and -loved his wife. A strict monogamist, whose life -would bear the fullest investigation, he was, -nevertheless, what is euphemistically called "uxorious." He -returned home of a night--often late, on account -of evening classes--with ravishment. He knew that -his wife and daughter would be ready to receive him, -and they were. He kissed and fondled them. He -praised them to their faces, asserting that their like -could not be discovered among womankind, and he -repeated again and again that his little Lilian was -very beautiful. He ate and drank a good supper. -If he loved his wife he loved also eating and drinking. -Now and then he would arrive with half a bottle -of champagne sticking out of his overcoat pocket. -Not that he came within a thousand miles of -"drinking"! He did not. He would not even keep -champagne or any wine (except Australian burgundy) in -the house; but he would pop in at the wine merchant's -when the fancy took him.</p> -<p class="pnext">He seldom worried his dears with his professional -troubles. Only if organization and committees were -specially exasperating would he refer, and then but -casually, to the darker side of existence. As for art, -he never mentioned it, save to deride some example of -"Continental" or "advanced" or "depraved" or -"perverse" art (comprehensively described as -"futurist") which had regrettably got into the pages -of <em class="italics">The Studio</em>, the only magazine to which he -subscribed. Nor did he ever in his prime paint or sketch -for pleasure. But at the beginning of every year he -would set to work to do a small thing or two for the -Royal Academy, which small thing or two were often -accepted by the Royal Academy, though never, one -is sorry to say, sold. The Royal Academy soirée -was Lilian's sole outlet into the great world. She -could not, however, be as enthusiastic about it as -were her father and mother; for in the privacy of her -mind she held the women thereat to be a most dowdy -and frumpy lot.</p> -<p class="pnext">The girl loved her father and mother; she also -pitied her mother and hated her father. She pitied -her mother for being an utterly acquiescent slave with -no will of her own, and hated her father because he -had not her ambition to rise above the state of the -frumpy middle middle-class--and for other reasons. -The man had realized his own ambitions, and was a -merry soul sunk in contentment. The world held -nothing that he wanted and did not possess. He -looked up to the upper classes without envy or -jealousy, and read about them with ingenuous joy. -He had no instinct for any sort of elegance.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was intensely ambitious, yearning after -elegance. She saw illustrated advertisements of -furniture in <em class="italics">The Studio</em> and of attire in the daily -papers, and compared them with the smug ugliness -of the domestic interior and her plain frocks, and -was passionately sad. She read about the -emancipation of girls and about the "new girl," and -compared this winged creature with herself. Writers in -newspapers seemed to assume that all girls were new -girls, and Lilian knew the awful falsity of the -assumption. She rarely left Putney, unless it was to go by -motor-bus to Kew Gardens on a Saturday afternoon -with papa and mamma. She did not reach the West -End once in a thousand years, and when she did she -came back tragic. She would have contrived to reach -the West End oftener, but, though full of leisure, she -had no money for bus fares. Mr. Share never gave -her money except for a specific purpose; and she could -not complain, for her mother, an ageing woman, -never had a penny that she must not account for--not -a penny. Never!</p> -<p class="pnext">Mr. Share could not conceive what either of them -could want with loose money. He was not averse, -he admitted, from change and progress. With great -breadth of mind he admitted that change and progress -were inevitable. But his attitude towards these -phenomena resembled that of the young St. Augustine -towards another matter, who cried: "Give me -chastity, O Lord, but not yet!" In Mr. Share's -view his wife and daughter had no business in the -world; and indeed his finest pride was to maintain -them in complete ignorance of the world. Even -during the war he dissuaded Lilian from any war-work, -holding that she could most meetly help the Empire -to triumph by helping to solace her father in the -terrific troubles of keeping a large art school alive -under D.O.R.A. and the Conscription Act.</p> -<p class="pnext">Later, Mrs. Share was struck down by cancer on -the liver and died after six months' illness, which cost -Mr. Share a considerable amount of money--lavishly -squandered, cheerfully paid. Mr. Share was -heart-broken; he really grew quite old in a fortnight; and -his mute appeal to Lilian for moral succour and the -balm of filial tenderness was irresistible. Lilian had -lost a mother, but the main fact in the situation was -that Mr. Share had lost a peerless wife. Lilian -became housekeeper and the two settled down together. -Mr. Share adored his daughter more than ever, and -more visibly. Her freedom, always excessively -limited, was now retrenched. She was transfixed -eternally as the old man's prop. Her twenty-first -birthday passed, and not a word as to her future, -as to a marriage for her, or as to her individuality, -desires, hopes! She was papa's cherished darling.</p> -<p class="pnext">Then Mr. Share caught pneumonia, through devotion -to duty, and died in a few days; and at last -Lilian felt on her lovely cheek the winds of the world; -at last she was free. Of high paternal finance she -had never in her life heard one word. In the week -following the funeral she learnt that she would be -mistress of the furniture and a little over one hundred -pounds net. Mr. Share had illustrated the ancient -maxim that it is easier to make money than to keep -it. He had held shipping shares too long and had -sold a fully paid endowment insurance policy in the -vain endeavour to replace by adventurous investment -that which the sea had swallowed up. And Lilian -was helpless. She could do absolutely nothing that -was worth money. She could not begin to earn a -livelihood. As for relatives, there was only her -father's brother, a Board School teacher with a large -vulgar family and an income far too small to permit -of generosities. Lilian was first incredulous, then -horror-struck.</p> -<p class="pnext">Leaving the youth of the world to pick up art as -best it could without him, and fleeing to join his wife -in paradise, the loving, adoring father had in effect -abandoned a beautiful idolized daughter to the alternatives -of starvation or prostitution. He had shackled -her wrists behind her back and hobbled her feet -and bequeathed her to wolves. That was what -he had done, and what many and many such -fathers had done, and still do, to their idolized -daughters.</p> -<p class="pnext">Herein was the root of Lilian's awful burning -resentment against the whole world, and of her fierce -and terrible determination by fair means or foul to -make the world pay. Her soul was a horrid furnace, -and if by chance Lionel Share leaned out from the -gold bar of heaven and noticed it, the sight must -have turned his thoughts towards hell for a pleasant -change. She was saved from disaster, from martyrdom, -from ignominy, from the unnamable, by the -merest fluke. The nurse who tended Lionel Share's -last hours was named Grig. This nurse had cousins -in the typewriting business. She had also a very -kind heart, a practical mind, and a persuasive manner -with cousins.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="advice-to-the-young-beauty">III</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Advice to the Young Beauty</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">"Come, come now, now poor girl! You surely -aren't crying like this because you've been kept away -from your dance to-night?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian gave a great start, and an "Oh!" and, -searching hurriedly for a handkerchief inadequate to -the damming of torrents, dried up her tears at the -source, but could not immediately control the sobs -that continued to convulse her whole frame.</p> -<p class="pnext">"N-no! Mr. Grig," she whimpered feebly.</p> -<p class="pnext">Then she snatched at a sheet of paper and began -to insert it in the machine before her, as though about -to start some copying.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Grig is rather unwell," said Felix Grig. -"She insisted that I should come up, and so I -came." With that he tactfully left the room, -obeying the wise rule of conduct under which a -man conquers a woman's weeping by running away -from it.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian's face was red; it went still redder. She -was tremendously ashamed of being caught blubbering, -and by Mr. Grig! It would not have mattered -if one of the girls had surprised her, or even Miss -Grig. But Mr. Grig! Nor would it have mattered -so much if circumstances had made possible any -pretence, however absurd and false, that she was not in -fact crying. But she had been trapped beyond any -chance of a face-saving lie. She felt as though she -had committed a sexual impropriety and could never -look Mr. Grig in the eyes again. At the same time -she was profoundly relieved that somebody belonging -to the office, and especially a man, had arrived to -break her awful solitude....</p> -<p class="pnext">So Mr. Grig knew that she had a dance that night! -There was something piquant and discomposing in -that. Gertie Jackson must have chattered to Miss -Grig--they were as thick as thieves, those two, or, -at any rate, the good-natured Gertie flattered herself -that they were--and Miss Grig must have told Felix. -(Very discreetly the girls would refer among -themselves to Mr. Grig as "Felix.") Brother and sister -must have been talking about her and her miserable -little dance. Still, a dance was a dance, and the mere -word had a glorious sound. Nobody except herself -knew that her dance was in a basement.... So he -had not come to the office to relieve and reassure her -in her unforeseen night-watch, but merely to placate -his sister! And how casually, lightly, almost -quizzically, he had spoken! She was naught to him--a -girl typist, one among a floating population of girl -typists.</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig had no distinction--her ankles proved -that--but Felix was distinguished, in manner, in -voice, in everything he did. Felix was a swell, like -the easy <em class="italics">flâneurs</em> in Bond Street that she saw when -she happened to go out of the office during -work-hours. It was said that he had been married and -that his wife had divorced him. Lilian surmised -that if the truth were known the wife more than Felix -had been to blame.</p> -<p class="pnext">All these thoughts were mere foam on the great, -darkly heaving thought that Felix had horribly -misjudged her. Not his fault, of course; but he had -misjudged her. Crying for a lost dance, indeed! -She terribly wanted him to be made aware that she -was only crying because she had experienced an -ordeal to which she ought not to have been exposed -and to which no girl ought to have been exposed. -Miss Grig again! It was Miss Grig, not Felix, who -had sneered at hold-ups. There had been no hold-up, -but there might have been a hold-up, and, in any -case, she had passed through the worst sensations of -a hold-up. Scandalous!</p> -<p class="pnext">Anxious to be effective, she took up the typing -of a novel which had been sent in by one of their -principal customers, a literary agency, and tried to -tap as prosaically as if the hour were 11.30 -A.M. instead of 11.30 P.M. Bravado! She knew that she -would have to do the faulty sheet again; but she must -impress Felix. Then she heard Felix calling from -the principals' room:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Share. Miss <em class="italics">Share</em>!" A little impatient -as usual.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, Mr. Grig." She rushed to the mirror and -patted herself with the tiny sponge that under Miss -Grig's orders was supposed to be employed for -wetting postage stamps--but never was so employed save -in Miss Grig's presence.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shall tell him why I was crying," she said to -herself as she crossed the ante-room. "And I shall -tell him straight."</p> -<p class="pnext">He was seated on the corner of the table in the -principals' room, and rolling a cigarette. He had -lighted the gas-stove. A very slim man of medium -height and of no age, he might have been thirty-five -with prematurely grizzled hair, or fifty with hair -younger than the wrinkles round his grey eyes! Miss -Grig had said or implied that she was younger than -her brother, but the girls did not accept without -reserve all that Miss Grig might say or imply. He -had taken off his overcoat and now displayed a -dinner-jacket and an adorably soft shirt. Lilian had never -before seen him in evening-dress, for he did not come -to the office at night, and nobody expected him to -come to the office at night. He was wonderfully -attractive in evening-dress, which he carried with the -nonchalance of regular custom. So different from her -father, who put on ceremonial attire about three times -a year, and wore it with deplorable self-consciousness, -as though it were a suit of armour! Mr. Grig was -indeed a queer person to run a typewriting office. -Lilian was aware that he had been to Winchester and -Cambridge, and done all manner of unusual things -before he lit on typewriting.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Any work come in to-night, Miss Share?" he -demanded in the bland, kindly, careless, official tone -which he always employed to the girls--a tone -rendering the slightest familiarity impossible. "Anybody -called?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian knew that he was merely affecting an -interest in the business, acting the rôle of managing -proprietor. He had tired of the business long ago, -and graciously left all the real power to his sister, -who had no mind above typewriting.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Someone did come in just before you, Mr. Grig," -Lilian replied, seizing her chance, and in a -half-challenging tone she related the adventure with the -night-watchman. "It was that that upset me, -Mr. Grig. It might have been a burglar--I made sure -it <em class="italics">was</em>. And me all alone----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Quite! Quite!" he stopped her. "I can perfectly -imagine how you must have felt. You haven't -got over it yet, even. Sit down. Sit down." He -said no word of apology for his misjudgment of her, -but his tone apologized.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! I'm perfectly all right now, thank you."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please!" He slipped off the table and pulled -round Miss Grig's chair for her.</p> -<p class="pnext">She obediently sat down, liking to be agreeable -to him. He unlocked his own cupboard and brought -out a decanter and a liqueur glass. "Drink this."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please, what is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Brandy. Poison." He smiled.</p> -<p class="pnext">She smiled, sipped, and coughed as the spirit -burned her throat.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I can't drink any more," she appealed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's all right. That's all right."</p> -<p class="pnext">It was his humorous use of the word "poison" -that touched her. This sole word changed their -relations. Hitherto they had never for a moment -been other than employer and employed. Now they -were something else. She was deeply flattered, -assuaged, and also excited. Brought up to scorn -employment, the hardest task for her in her situation in -the Grig office had been to admit by her deportment -that there was a bar of class between her employer -and herself. The other girls addressed Mr. Grig as -"Sir"; but she--never! She always called him -"Mr. Grig," and nothing could have induced her to -say "Sir." Now, he was protecting her; he had -become the attendant male; his protection enveloped -her like a soft swansdown quilt, exquisite, delicious. -And it was night. The night created romance. -Romance suddenly filled the room like a magic -vapour, transforming him, herself, and the commonest -objects of the room into something ideal.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Several times I've wanted to speak to you about -a certain matter," said Mr. Grig quietly; and paused, -gazing at the smoke from his cigarette.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, yes?" Lilian murmured nervously, and -strove to accomplish the demeanour of a young -woman of the world. (She much regretted that she -had her wristlets on.) As he was not looking at her -she could look at his face. And she looked at it as -though she had never seen it before, or with -fresh-perceiving eyes. A very clever, rather tired face; -superior, even haughty, self-sure; fastidious, -dissatisfied, the face of one accustomed to choose -sardonically between two evils; impatient, bitter; -humorous, with hints of benevolence. She thought: -"Of course he's never spoken to me because of his -sister. Even <em class="italics">he</em> has to mind his p's and q's with her. -And he's one that hates a fuss. Now she isn't -here----"</p> -<p class="pnext">She could not conceive what might be the "certain -matter." She thrilled to learn it; but he would not be -hurried. No, he would take his own time, Mr. Grig -would. This was the most brilliant moment of her life.</p> -<p class="pnext">He said, looking straight at her and forcing her -to look straight at him:</p> -<p class="pnext">"You know you've no business in a place like this, -a girl like you. You're much too highly strung, for -one thing. You aren't like Miss Jackson, for -instance. You're simply wasting yourself here. Of -course you're terribly independent, but you do try to -please. I don't mean try to please merely in your -work. You try to <em class="italics">please</em>. It's an instinct with you. -Now in typing you'd never beat Miss Jackson. Miss -Jackson's only alive, really, when she's typing. She -types with her whole soul. You type well--I -hear--but that's only because you're clever all round. -You'd do anything well. You'd milk cows just as -well as you'd type. But your business is marriage, -and a good marriage! You're beautiful, and, as I -say, you have an instinct to please. That's the -important thing. You'd make a success of marriage -because of that and because you're adaptable and -quick at picking up. Most women when they're -married forget that their job is to adapt themselves -and to please. That's their <em class="italics">job</em>. They expect to be -kowtowed to and spoilt and humoured and to be free -to spend money without having to earn it, and to do -nothing in return except just exist--and perhaps -manage a household, pretty badly. They seem to forget -that there are two sides to a bargain. It's dashed -hard work, pleasing is, sometimes. I know that. -But it isn't so hard as earning money, believe me! -Now you wouldn't be like the majority of women. -You'd keep your share of the bargain, and handsomely. -If you don't marry, and marry fifty miles -above you, you'll be very silly. For you to stop here -is an outrage against common-sense. It's merely -monstrous. If I wasn't an old man I wouldn't tell -you this, naturally. Now you needn't blush. I -expect I'm not far off thirty years older than you--and -you're young enough to be wise in time."</p> -<p class="pnext">She was blushing tremendously, and in spite of -an effort of courage her gaze dropped from his. -At length his gaze shifted, on the pretext of -dropping cigarette-ash very carefully into an ash-tray.</p> -<p class="pnext">He had, then, been thinking about her all those -months, differentiating her from the others, summing -her up! And how well he had summed her up, and -how well he had expressed himself--so romantically -(somehow) and yet with such obvious truth! (Of -course he had been having a dig at his own wife, who -had divorced him! You could see how embittered -he was on the subject of wives!) She wondered if he -had thought her beautiful for long. Fancy him -moving about the office and forming ideas about all of -them, and never a sign, never the slightest sign that -he could tell one of them from another! And he had -chosen that night to reveal his mind to her. She -was inexpressibly flattered. Because Mr. Grig was -clearly a connoisseur--she had always felt that. If -Mr. Grig considered her beautiful...!</p> -<p class="pnext">And in fact she had an established assurance of -beauty. She knew a good deal about herself. -Proudly she reflected, amid her blushes, upon the -image of her face and hair--the eyes that matched -her hair, the perfectly formed ears, the softness of -the chin and the firmness of the nose, the unchallengeable -complexion, the dazzling teeth. She was simple -enough to be somewhat apologetic about the largeness -of her mouth, unaware that a man of experience flees -from a small rosebud mouth as from the devil, and -that a large mouth is the certain sign of goodwill and -understanding in a woman. She was apologetic, too, -about the scragginess of her neck, and with better -reason. But the wrists and the ankles, the legs, the -shoulders, the swelling of the hips, the truly -astounding high, firm and abundant bosom! Beyond -criticism! And she walked beautifully, throwing back -her shoulders and so emphasizing the line of the waist -at the back. She walked with her legs and hips, and -the body swam forward above them. She had -observed the effect thousands of times in street mirrors. -The girls all admitted that she walked uniquely. -Then, further, she had a smile (rarely used) which -would intensify in the most extraordinary way the -beauty of her face, lighting it, electrifying the eyes, -radiating a charm that enraptured. She knew that -also. A superlative physical pride rose up out of the -subconscious into the conscious, and put her cheap -pretty clothes to shame. It occurred to her that -Mr. Grig had been talking very strangely, very unusually.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I don't suppose I shall ever marry," she said -plaintively. "How can I?" She meant, and -without doubt he understood: "How can I possibly meet -a man who is worth marrying?" She thought with -destructive disdain of every youth who had ever reacted -to her charm. The company at the dance she had -missed seemed contemptible. They were still -dancing. What a collection of tenth-rate fellows!</p> -<p class="pnext">She became gloomy, pessimistic, as she saw the -totality of her existence and its prospects. The home -at Putney had been a prison. She had escaped from -it, but only to enter another prison. She saw no -outlet. She was trapped on every side. She could -not break out of the infernal circle of poverty and of -the conventions. Not in ten years could she save -enough to keep her for a year. She had to watch -every penny. If she was mad enough to go to a -West End theatre she had to consider the difference -between a half-crown and a three-shilling pit. -Thousands of men and women negligently fling themselves -into expensive taxis, but a rise in bus fares or Tube -fares would seriously unbalance Lilian's budget. -She passed most of her spare time in using a needle -to set off her beauty, but what a farce was the -interminable study and labour! She could not possibly -aspire to even the best gloves; and as for the best -stockings, or the second best!--the price of such a -pair came to more than she could earn in a week. It -was all absurd, tragic, pitiful. She had common-sense -ample enough to see that her beauty was futile, -her ambitions baseless, and her prospects nil. If -she had been a vicious girl, she might have broken -through the dreadful ring into splendours which she -glimpsed and needed. But she was not vicious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Pooh!" exclaimed Mr. Grig impatiently. "You -could marry anybody you liked if you put your mind -to it."</p> -<p class="pnext">And he spoke so scornfully of her lack of faith, -so persuasively, so inspiringly, that she had an -amazing and beautiful vision of herself worshipped, -respected, alluring, seductive, arousing passion, -reciprocating passion, kind, benevolent, eternally young, -eternally lovely, eternally exercising for the balm and -solace of mankind and a man the functions for which -she was created and endowed--in a word, fulfilling -herself. And for the moment, in the ecstasy of -resolution to achieve the impossible, she was superb and -magnificent and the finest thing that a man could -ever hope to witness.</p> -<p class="pnext">And she thought desperately:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm twenty-three already. Time is rushing past -me. To-morrow I shall be old."</p> -<p class="pnext">After a silence Mr. Grig said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're very tired. There's no reason why you -shouldn't go home to bed."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Indeed I shan't go home, Mr. Grig," she answered -sharply, with grateful, eager devotion. "I -shall stay. Supposing some work came in! It's -not twelve o'clock yet."</p> -<p class="pnext">She surprised quite a youthful look on Mr. Grig's -face. Nearly thirty years older than herself? -Ridiculous! There was nothing at all in a difference -of years. Some men were never old. Back in the -clerks' room she got out her vanity bag and carefully -arranged her face. And as she looked in the glass -she thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"After to-night I shall never be quite the same -girl again.... Did he really call me in to ask me -about the work, or did he only do it because he wanted -to talk to me?"</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-clubman">IV</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Clubman</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian was confused by a momentary magnificent, -vague vision of a man framed in the doorway of the -small room. The door, drawn backwards from -without, hid the vision. Then there was a cough. She -realized with alarm that she had been asleep, or at -least dozing, over her machine. In the fifth of a -second she was wide awake and alert.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Who's there?" she called, steadying her voice -to a matter-of-fact and casual tone.</p> -<p class="pnext">The door was pushed open, and the man who had -been a vision entered.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I beg your pardon," said he. "I wasn't -sure whether it was the proper thing to come -in here. I looked into another room, and had -a glimpse of a gentleman who seemed to be rather -dormant."</p> -<p class="pnext">"This is the room to come to," said Lilian, with -a prim counterfeit of a smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"The office is open?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Certainly."</p> -<p class="pnext">As he advanced into the room the man took off -the glossy silk hat which he was wearing at the far -back of his head. He had an overcoat, but carried -it on his left arm. He was tall and broad--something, -indeed, in the nature of a giant--with a florid, -smooth face; aged perhaps thirty-three. He had a -way of pinching his lips together and pressing his -lower jaw against his high collar, thus making a -false double chin or so; the result was to produce an -effect of wise and tolerant good-humour, as of one -who knew humanity and who while prepared for -surprises was not going to judge us too harshly. He -was in full evening-dress, and his clothes were superb. -They glistened; they fitted without a crease. The -vast curve of the gleaming stiff shirt-front sloped -perfect in its contour; the white waistcoat was held -round the stupendous form by three topaz buttons; -from somewhere beneath the waistcoat a gold chain -emerged and vanished somewhere into the hinterland -of his person. The stout white kid gloves were -thickly ridged on the backs and fitted the broad -hands as well as the coat fitted the body--it was -inconceivable that they had not been made to measure -as everything else must have been made to measure. -The man would have been overdressed had he not -worn his marvellous and costly garments with -absolute naturalness and simplicity.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"He must be a man-about-town, a clubman, the -genuine article."</p> -<p class="pnext">She was impressed, secretly flustered, and very -anxious to meet him as an equal on his own ground -of fine manners. She divined that, having entered -the room once and fairly caught her asleep, he had -had the good taste to withdraw and cough and make a -new entry in order to spare her modesty; and she -was softly appreciative, while quite determined to -demonstrate by her demeanour that she had not been -asleep.</p> -<p class="pnext">She thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Gertie Jackson wouldn't have known where to -look, in my place."</p> -<p class="pnext">Still, despite her disdain of Gertie Jackson's -deportment, she felt herself to be terribly unproficient in -the social art.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is it anything urgent?" she asked.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, it is a bit urgent."</p> -<p class="pnext">He had a strong, full, pleasant voice.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Won't you sit down?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Thanks."</p> -<p class="pnext">He sat down, disposing his hat by the side of her -machine, and his overcoat on another chair, and -drawing off his gloves.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian waited like a cat to pounce upon the -slightest sign of familiarity and kill it; for she had -understood that men-about-town regarded girl typists -as their quarry and as nothing else. But there was -no least lapse from deferential propriety; the -clubman might have been in colloquy with his -sister's friend--and his sister listening in the -next room. He pulled a manuscript from his -breast-pocket, and, after a loving glance at it, offered -it to her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've only just written it," said he. "And I want -to take it round to the <em class="italics">Evening Standard</em> office myself -in the morning before 8.30. The editor's an acquaintance -of mine and I might get it into to-morrow -afternoon's paper. In fact, it must be to-morrow or -never--because of the financial debate in the House, you see. -Topical. I wonder whether you'd be good enough -to do it for me."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Let me see," said Lilian professionally. "About -fifteen hundred words, or hardly. Oh, yes! I will -do it myself."</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's very kind of you. Will you mind looking -at the writing? Do you think you'll be able to -make it out? I was at a bit of a jolly to-night, and -my hand's never too legible."</p> -<p class="pnext">Without glancing further at the manuscript, -Lilian answered:</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's our business to make out writing."</p> -<p class="pnext">Suddenly she gave him her full smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I suppose it is," he said, also smiling. "Now -shall I call for the copy about 8 o'clock?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm afraid the office won't be open at 8 o'clock," -said Lilian. "We close at 6.30 for an hour or two. -But what's the address? Is it anywhere near here?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"6a Jermyn Street. You'll see it all on the back -of the last page."</p> -<p class="pnext">"It could be delivered--dropped into your -letter-box--by 6.30 this morning, and you could take it out -of the box any time after that." The idea seemed -to have spontaneously presented itself to her. She -forbore to say that her intention was to deliver the -copy herself on her way home.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But this is most awfully obliging of you!" he -exclaimed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Not at all. You see, we specialize in urgent -things.... We charge double for night-work, I -ought to tell you--in fact, three shillings a thousand, -with a minimum."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course! Of course! I quite understand -that. Perhaps you'll put the bill in the envelope." He -drew forth a watch that looked like a gold -half-crown. "Two o'clock. And I can count on it being -in the letter-box at six-thirty."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Absolutely."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, all I say is, it's very wonderful."</p> -<p class="pnext">She smiled again: "It's just our business."</p> -<p class="pnext">He bowed gracefully in departing.</p> -<p class="pnext">As soon as he was gone she looked at the back of -the last page. "Lord Mackworth." Never having -heard of such a lord, she consulted the office <em class="italics">Who's -Who</em>. Yes, he was there. "Mackworth, Lord. -See Fermanagh, Earl of." She turned to the F -pages. He was the <em class="italics">e.s.</em> of the Earl of Fermanagh. -<em class="italics">E.s.</em> meant eldest son, she assumed. One day he -would be an earl. She was thrilled.</p> -<p class="pnext">Eagerly she read the manuscript before starting -to copy it. The subject was the fall in the exchange -value of the French franc. "Abstruse," she called it -to herself. Frightfully learned! Yet the article was -quite amusing to read. In one or two places it was -almost funny enough to make her laugh. And Lord -Mackworth illustrated his points by the prices of -commodities and pleasure at Monte Carlo. Evidently -he had just returned from Monte Carlo. What a -figure! He had everything--title, blood, wealth, -style, a splendid presence, perfect manners; he was -intellectual, he was clever, he was political, he wrote -for the Press. And withal he was a man of pleasure, -for he had been to Monte Carlo, and that very night -he had taken part in a "jolly"--whatever a jolly was!</p> -<p class="pnext">No! He was not married; it was impossible that -he should be married. But naturally he must keep -mistresses. They always kept mistresses. Though -what a man like him could see in that sort of girl -passed Lilian. "You could marry <em class="italics">anybody</em> you -liked if you put your mind to it," Mr. Grig had said. -Absurdly, horribly untrue! How, for instance, -could she set about to marry Lord Mackworth? She -was for ever imprisoned; she could not possibly, by -any device, break through the transparent, invisible, -adamantine walls that surrounded her. Beautiful, -was she? Gifts, had she? Well, she had sat -opposite this lord, close to him, in a room secure from -interruption, in the middle of the night. She had -been obliging. And he had not been sufficiently -interested to swerve by a hair's breadth from his -finished and nonchalant formal politeness. Her rôle -in relation to Lord Mackworth was to tap out his -clever article on the old Underwood and to deliver it -herself in the chilly darkness of the morning before -going exhausted to her miserable lodging! She, -lovely! She, burning with ambition! ... The visit -of the man of title and of parts was like an act of -God to teach her the realities of her situation and the -dangerous folly of dreams.</p> -<p class="pnext">She tiptoed out of the room to see if Mr. Grig -really was asleep as Lord Mackworth had suggested. -She hoped that he was unconscious and that the visit -was her secret. Either he was very soundly asleep -or the stir of the arrival and departure must have -awakened him. If he was awake she would pretend -that she wanted to inform him of the job just come -in, since he had previously enquired about the course -of business. If not, she would say nothing of the -affair--merely enter up the job in the night-book, -and wait for any inquiries that might be made before -opening her mouth.</p> -<p class="pnext">Through the door ajar Mr. Grig could be seen fast -asleep in his padded chair. His lower jaw had fallen, -revealing a mouth studded with precious metal. He -was generally spry, in his easy-going manner, and -often had quite a youthful air, but now there could be -no mistake about his age, which according to Lilian's -standard of age was advanced. To Lilian forty was -oldish, fifty quite old, and sixty venerable. What a -contrast between the fresh, brilliant, authentic youth -of Lord Mackworth and the imitation juvenility of -Mr. Grig even at his spryest! The souvenir of Lord -Mackworth's physical individuality made the sight of -Mr. Grig almost repellent. She was divided from -Mr. Grig by the greatest difference in the world, the -difference between one generation and another.</p> -<p class="pnext">She crept back, resolving to accomplish the finest -piece of typescript that had ever been done in the -office. Had she not brains to surpass Gertie Jackson -at anything if she chose to try? Just as she was -entering her own room the outer door of the office -opened. More urgent work! It was Lord Mackworth -again. She stood stock-still in the doorway, -her head thrown back and turned towards him, her -body nearly within the room. Agitated by a sudden -secret anticipation, by a pleasure utterly unhoped for, -she gave him a nervous, welcoming, enquiring smile, -a smile without reserve, and full of the confidence due -to one who had proved at once his reliability and his -attractiveness. She had a feeling towards him as -towards an old friend. She knew that her face was -betraying her joy, but she did not care, because she -trusted him; and, moreover, it would in any case -have been impossible for her to hide her joy.</p> -<p class="pnext">"There's just one thing," began Lord Mackworth -in a cautious whisper, though previously he had put -no restraint on his powerful voice, and paused.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Will you come in?" she invited him, also in a -whisper, and moved quickly from his line of sight. -He followed her, and having entered her room softly -shut the door, which at the previous interview had -remained half open.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Will you sit down?"</p> -<p class="pnext">They both sat down in their original positions. -Yes, they were like friends. More, they were like -conspirators. Why? What would the next moment -disclose? It seemed to her that the next moment -must unfold into an unpredictable, beautiful blossom -such as nobody had ever seen. She was intensely -excited. She desired ardently that he should ask her -to help him in some matter in which she alone could -help him. She was a touching, wistful spectacle. -All her defences had sunk away. He could not but -see that he had made a conquest, that the city of -loveliness had fallen into his hands.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It just occurred to me--please tell me if I'm -being indiscreet--that perhaps you wouldn't mind -doing me a little service. I may oversleep myself in -the morning, and I can't get at my man now. Would -you mind giving me a ring up on the 'phone about -six o'clock? You see, I have the telephone by my -bed, and it would be sure to wake me--especially if -you told the operator to keep on ringing. It's very -necessary I should run along to the newspaper office -and see the editor personally as soon as he gets there. -Otherwise I might be done in. Of course, I could sit -up for the rest of the night----" He laughed shortly.</p> -<p class="pnext">Nearly opposite the end of Clifford Street, in Bond -Street, was a hosier's shop with the royal arms over -the entrance and half a dozen pairs of rich blue-and-crimson -pyjamas--and nothing else--displayed in the -window against a chaste background of panelled -acacia wood. Lilian saw a phantasm of her client's -lordly chamber, with the bed and the telephone by the -bed, and the great form of the man himself recumbent -and moveless, gloriously and imperfectly covered in -a suit of the blue-and-crimson pyjamas. She heard -the telephone bell ring--ring--ring--ring--ring--ring, -pertinaciously. The figure did not stir. -Ring--ring--ring--ring! At last the figure stirred, -turned over, half sat up, seized the telephone, which, -pacified, ceased to ring, and the figure listened--to -her voice! It was her voice that was heard in the -chamber.... The most sharply masculine hallucination -that she had ever had, perhaps the only one. It -moved her to the point of fright. The whole house -might have rocked under her--rocked once, and then -resumed its firmness. She felt faint, terror-struck, -and excruciatingly, inexplicably happy. And she -was ashamed; she was shocked by the mystery of -herself. Flushing, she bent her face over the desk.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Perhaps I'd better sit up all night," Lord -Mackworth added apologetically.</p> -<p class="pnext">"What's your number?" she asked in a low -voice, not looking up.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Regent 1067."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Regent 1067," she repeated the number, even -writing it on her note pad.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're really awfully kind. I hesitated to -suggest it. I do hope you'll forgive me."</p> -<p class="pnext">She looked up quickly, and into his eyes.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shall be delighted to give you a ring," she said, -with sweet, smiling eagerness. "It's no trouble at all. -None at all, I assure you."</p> -<p class="pnext">She was the divine embodiment of the human and -specially feminine desire to please, to please -charmingly, to please completely, to please with the whole -force and beauty of her individuality. The poor boy -must get a few hours' sleep. A man needed sleep; -sleep was important to him. As for her, the woman's -task was to watch and work, and when the moment -came she would wake the man--the child--who was -incapable of waking himself.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, thanks ever so much." He rose.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I suppose you don't want a carbon of your article -as well?" she suggested.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's an idea," he agreed. "You never know. I -think I will have a carbon."</p> -<p class="pnext">As he was leaving he said abruptly: "Do you -know, I imagine I've seen you before--somewhere."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I don't think so." She did not quite like this -remark of his. It seemed to her to be a commonplace -device for prolonging the interview; it shook her -faith in his probity.</p> -<p class="pnext">But he insisted, nodding his head.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. In Bond Street. I remember you were -wearing an exceedingly pretty hat, with some yellow -flowers in it."</p> -<p class="pnext">She was dumbfounded, for she did possess a pretty -hat with yellow flowers in it. She had done him an -injustice. Fancy him noticing her, admiring, -remembering! It was incredible. She must have -made a considerable impression on him. She smiled -her repentance for having doubted his probity even -for a moment.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You must have a very good memory," she said, -in her gaze an exquisite admission of his rightness.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! I have!"</p> -<p class="pnext">They shook hands. In holding out her hand she -drew back her body. She had absurdly hoped that -he would offer to shake hands, not really expecting -him to do so. He departed with unimpeachable -correctness and composure. What nice discretion he -had shown in not referring earlier to the fact that her -face was not unknown to him! Most men would -have contrived to work it in at the very beginning -of the conversation. But he had actually gone away, -the first time, without mentioning it.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was left in such a state of exaltation that -she could not immediately start to work. She was -ecstatically inspired with a resolution, far transcending -all previous yearnings of a similar nature, to fulfil -herself, to be herself utterly, to bring her gifts to -fruition despite all obstacles and all impossibilities. -It was not that she desired to please Lord Mackworth -(though she passionately desired to please him), nor -to achieve luxury and costliness and elegance and a -highly refined way of life. These things, however -important and delectable, were merely the necessary -incidentals to the supreme end of exploiting her -beauty, charm and benevolence so that in old age she -would not have to say, "I might have been."</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-devotee">V</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Devotee</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">It was after she had made some tea and was taking -it, at her desk, without milk, but with a bun and a -half left over from the previous afternoon's orgy of -the small room clerks, that Lilian had the idea of a -mighty and scarcely conceivable transgression, crime, -depredation. None of the machines in the small -room was in quite first-rate order. The machines -were good, but they needed adjustment. Miss G.--the -clerks referred to her as Miss G., instead of Miss -Grig, when they were critical of her, which was -often--was almost certainly a just woman, but she was -mean, especially in the matter of wages; and she -would always postpone rather too long the summoning -of a mechanic to overhaul the typewriters. Such -delay was, of course, disadvantageous to the office, -but Miss G. was like that. Lilian, munching, -inserted two sheets and a new carbon into her machine, -and then pulled them out again with a swift swish. -Why should she not abstract Miss G.'s own machine -for the high purpose of typing Lord Mackworth's -brilliant article? It was nearly a new one.</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss G. was a first-rate typist. She typed all her -own letters, and regularly at night even did copying; -and she always had the star machine of the office. -The one objection to Lilian's nefarious scheme was -the fact that Miss G.'s machine ranked as the Ark of -the Covenant, and the rule forbidding the profane to -lay hands on it was absolute and awful. This rule -was a necessity in the office, where every machine -amounted to an individuality, and was loved or hated -and shamelessly intrigued for or against. Lilian -knew a little of Miss G.'s machine, for on Its purchase -she had had the honour of trying it and reinforcing -Miss G.'s favourable judgment upon it, her touch -being lighter than Gertie Jackson's, that amiable, -tedious hack, and similar to Miss G.'s touch.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian feared lest her own machine might give a -slip towards the end of a page, throw a line out of -the straight and spoil the whole page. Miss G.'s -machine was on the small desk beneath the window -in the principals' room. Having reflected, she -decided to sin. If Mr. Grig was awake she would tell -him squarely that her own machine was out of gear, -that all the clerks' machines were out of gear, and if -he still objected--and he might, for he ever feared -Miss G.--she would bewitch him. She would put his -own theory of her powers into practice upon himself.</p> -<p class="pnext">She would be quite unscrupulous; she would stop at -nothing. She went forth excited on her raid. He -was still asleep. He might waken; if he did, so much -the worse; she must risk it. She regarded him with -friendly condescension. She had work to do; she -had a sense of responsibility; and she was doing the -work. He, theoretically in charge of the office, slept, -probably after a day chiefly idle--the grey-haired, -charming, useless irresponsible. And were not all -men asleep rather absurd? She picked up the heavy -machine; one of its indiarubber shoes dropped off, -but she left that where it lay--there were plenty to -replace it in her room. Soundlessly she left the -sleeper. Triumphant, unscrupulous, reckless, she -did not care what might happen.</p> -<p class="pnext">At work on the article, exulting in the smooth -excellence of Miss G.'s machine, she felt strangely -happy. She liked Felix to be asleep; she liked the -obscure sensation of fatigue at the back of her brain; -she liked to be alone in the night, amid a resting or -roystering world; she liked the tension of concentrating -on the work, the effort after perfection. The very -machine itself, and the sounds of the machine, the -feel of the paper, the faint hiss of the gas-stove, were -all friendly and helpful. How different were her -sensations then from her sensations in the pother and -racket and friction of the daytime! She forgot that -she was beautiful and born to enchant. She was -oblivious of both the past and the future. A moral -exaltation, sweet and gentle, inspired, upheld and -exhilarated her.</p> -<p class="pnext">She heard the outer door open. The threatened -interruption annoyed her almost to exasperation. It -was essential that she should not be interrupted, for -she was like a poet in full flow of creation. Footsteps, -someone moving hesitatingly to and fro in the -anteroom! There was the word "Enquiries" painted in -black on the glass panel of the small room, thrown -into relief by the light within the room, and people -had not the sense to see it. The public was really -extraordinary. Even Lord Mackworth had not at -first noticed it. Well, let whoever it might be find -his way about unaided by her! She would not budge. -If urgent work had arrived she did not want it, could -not do it, and would not have it.</p> -<p class="pnext">Then she caught voices. The visitor had got into -the principals' room and wakened Mr. Grig. The -voices were less audible now, but a conversation -seemingly interminable was proceeding in the -principals' room. The suspense vexed her and interfered -with the fine execution of her task. She sighed, -tapped her foot, and made sounds of protest with her -tongue against her upper teeth. At length both -Mr. Grig and the visitor emerged into the ante-room, still -tirelessly gabbling. The visitor went, banging the -outer door. Mr. Grig came into her room with a -manuscript in his hand. Feigning absorption, she -did not look up.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Here's something wanted for eleven in the morning. -It's going to be called for. Proof of a witness's -evidence in a law case. Very urgent. It's pretty -long. You'd better get on to it at once. Then one -or two of them'll be able to finish it between nine -and eleven."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian accused him in her mind of merely -imitating his sister's methods of organization and -partition.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm afraid I can't put this aside, Mr. Grig," she -said gravely, uncompromisingly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"What is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's just come in."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I never heard anybody," Felix snapped.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian thought how queer and how unjust it was -that she should be prevented by her inferior station -from turning on him and bluntly informing him that -he had been asleep instead of managing the office.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's an article by Lord Mackworth for to-morrow's -<em class="italics">Evening Standard</em>, and it has to be at the -<em class="italics">Standard</em> office by half-past eight, and I've promised -to have it delivered at Jermyn Street by six-thirty."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But who's going to deliver it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I am, as I go home."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But this is urgent too. And, what's more, I've -definitely promised it," Mr. Grig protested, waving -his manuscript somewhat forlornly. "What length's -yours?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's not the length. It has to be done with the -greatest care."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, that's all very well, but----"</p> -<p class="pnext">His attitude of helplessness touched her. She -smiled in her serious manner.</p> -<p class="pnext">"If you'll leave it to me to see to, Mr. Grig," she -said soothingly, and yet a little superiorly, "I'll do -the best I can. I'll start it, anyhow. And I'll leave -an urgent note for Miss Jackson about it. After all, -in two hours they ought to be able to do almost -anything, and you know how reliable Miss Jackson is. -Miss Grig always relies on her."</p> -<p class="pnext">She held out her hand for the wretched manuscript. -Mr. Grig yielded it up, pretending unwillingness -and uneasiness, but in reality much relieved. A -quarter of an hour later he returned to her room in -overcoat and hat.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I think I may as well go home now," said he, -yawning enormously. "I'm a bit anxious about my -sister. Nothing else likely to come in, is there? -You'll be all right, I suppose."</p> -<p class="pnext">"<em class="italics">Me!</em>" she exclaimed kindly. "Of <em class="italics">course</em>, -Mr. Grig. I shall be perfectly all right."</p> -<p class="pnext">She wondered whether he really was anxious about -his sister. At any rate, he had not the stamina to -sit up through all the night in the office. But she, -Lilian, had. She was delighted to be alone again. -She finished Lord Mackworth's article, read it and -re-read it. Not a mistake. She bound it and stitched -it. She entered the item in the night-book. She -made out the bill. She typed the address on the -envelope. Then, before fastening the envelope, she -read through everything again. All these things she -did with the greatest deliberation and nicety.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the end she had ample time to make a start -on the other work, but she could not or would not -bring herself to the new task. She was content to -write a note for Gertie Jackson, shifting all the -responsibility on to Gertie. Gertie would have to fly -round and make the others fly round. And if the -work was late--what then? Lilian did not care. -Her conscience seemed to have exhausted itself. She -sat in a blissful trance. She recalled with -satisfaction that she had said nothing to Felix about Lord -Mackworth having called in person. She rose and -wandered about the rooms, savouring the silent -solitude. The telephone was in the principals' room. -How awkward that might have been if Felix had -stayed! But he had not stayed.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-telephone">VI</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Telephone</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">"Hello, hello! Who is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is that Regent 1067?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is that Lord Mackworth?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Speaking. Who is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Grig's Typewriting Office. I'm so sorry to wake -you up, but you asked us to. It's just past six -o'clock."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Thanks very much. Who is it speaking?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Grig's Typewriting Office."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. But <em class="italics">your</em> name? Miss--Miss----?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! I see. Share. Share. Lilian Share.... -Not Spare, S-<em class="italics">h</em>-a-r-e."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've got it. Share. I recognized your voice, -Miss Share. Well, it's most extraordinarily -good-natured of you. Most. I can't thank you enough. -Excuse me asking your name. I only wanted it so -that I could thank you personally. Article finished?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's all finished and ready to be delivered. It'll -be dropped into your letter-box in about a quarter of -an hour from now. You can rely on that."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Then do you keep messengers hanging about all -night for these jobs?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm going to deliver it myself; then I shall know -it is delivered."</p> -<p class="pnext">"D'you know, I half suspected all along you -meant to do that. You oughtn't really to put yourself -to so much trouble. I don't know how to thank -you. I don't, really!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's no trouble at all. It's on my way home."</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're just going home, then? You must be -very tired."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, no! I sleep in the daytime."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, I hope you'll have a good <em class="italics">day's</em> rest." A laugh.</p> -<p class="pnext">"And <em class="italics">I</em> hope now I've wakened you you won't -turn over and go to sleep again." Another laugh, -from the same end.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No fear! I'm up now."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I beg your pardon?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm up. Out of bed." A laugh from the -Clifford Street end.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Good-bye, then."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Good-bye. And thanks again. By the way, -you're putting the bill with it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, yes."</p> -<p class="pnext">"And the carbon?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. Good-bye."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Good-bye, Miss Share."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian hung up the receiver, smiling. And she -continued to smile as she left the room and went to -her own room and took her street things out of the -cupboard and put them on. Nothing could have been -more banal, more ordinary, and nothing more -exquisite and romantic than the telephone conversation. -The secret charm of it was inexplicable to her.... -She saw him standing in the blue-and-crimson -pyjamas by the bedside, a form distinguished and -powerful.... She revelled in his gratitude. How -nice of him to ask her name so that he might thank -her personally! He did not care to thank a nameless -employee. He wanted to thank <em class="italics">somebody</em>. And -now she was somebody to him.</p> -<p class="pnext">Perhaps she had not been well-advised to give -him her Christian name. The word, however, had -come out of itself. Moreover, she liked her Christian -name, and she liked nice people to know it. She -certainly ought not to have said "that" about his not -turning over and going to sleep again. No. There -was something "common" in it. But he had accepted -the freedom in the right spirit, had not taken -advantage of it.</p> -<p class="pnext">She extinguished the gas-stove, restored the stolen -typewriter, loosed the catch of the outer door, banged -the door after her, and descended, holding the -foolscap envelope in her shabbily-gloved hand. The -forsaken solitude of the office was behind her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Outside, an icy mist floated over wet pavements -in the first dim, sinister unveiling of the London day! -Lilian wore a thick, broad, woollen scarf which -comforted her neck and bosom, and gave to beholders -the absurd illusion that she was snugly enveloped; -but the assaulting cold took her in the waist, and she -shivered. Her feet began to feel damp immediately. -There was the old watchman peeping out of his -sentry-box by his glowing brazier! He recognized -her quickly enough, and without a movement of the -gnarled face held up her matchbox as a sign of the -bond between them. How ridiculous to have classed -him with burglars! She threw her head back and -gave him a proud, bright and rather condescendingly -gracious smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">Along Clifford Street and all down Bond Street -the heaped dustbins stood on the kerb waiting for -the scavengers. In Piccadilly several Lyons' -horse-vans, painted in Oxford and Cambridge blues, trotted -sturdily eastwards; one of them was driven by a -woman, wrapped in a great macintosh and perched -high aloft with a boy beside her. Nothing else -moving in the thoroughfare! The Ritz Hotel, -formidable fortress of luxury, stood up arrogant like -a Florentine palace, hiding all its costly secrets from -the scorned mob. No. 6a Jermyn Street was just -round the corner from St. James's Street: a narrow -seven-storey building of flats, with a front-door as -impassive and meaningless as the face of a footman. -Lilian hesitated a moment and relinquished her packet -into the brass-bordered letter-slit. She heard it fall. -She turned away with a jerky gesture. She had not -walked ten yards when a frightful lassitude and -dejection attacked her with the suddenness of cholera. -Scarcely could she command her limbs to move. The -ineffable sadness, hopelessness, wretchedness, vanity -of existence washed over her and beat her down. -Only a very few could be glorious, and she was not -and never could be of the few. She was shut out -from brightness,--no better than a ragamuffin looking -into a candy window.</p> -<p class="pnext">She descended into the everlasting lamplit night -of the Tube at Dover Street, where there was no -dawn and no sunset. And all the employees, and all -the meek, preoccupied travellers seemed to be her -brothers and sisters in martyrdom. Her train was -nearly empty; but the eastbound trains--train after -train--were full of pathetic midgets urgently engaged -upon the problem of making both ends meet. After -Earl's Court the train ran up an incline into the -whitening day. She got out at the next station, -conveniently near to which she lodged.</p> -<p class="pnext">The house was one of the heavily porched erections -of the 'fifties and 'sixties, much fallen in -prestige. The dirty kitchenmaid was giving the -stone floor of the porch a lick and a promise, so that -fortunately the front door stood open. Lilian had -the tiny mean bedroom on the second floor over the -hall; in New York it would have been termed a -hall-bedroom. Nobody except the gawky, frowsy, -stupid, good-natured maid had seen her. She shut -her door and locked it. The room was colder even -than the street. She looked into the mirror, which -was so small that she had had to arrange a descending -series of nails for it in order that piece by piece she -might inspect the whole of herself. Her face was as -pale as a corpse. Undressing and piling half her -wardrobe on to the counterpane she slipped into the -narrow bed, ravenous for sleep and oblivion, and -drew the clothes right over her head. In an instant -she was in a paradise of divine dreams.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-suicide">PART II</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">I</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Suicide</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">The next morning Lilian left her lodging at the -customary hour of 8.15, to join one of the hundreds -of hastening, struggling, preoccupied processions of -workers that converged upon central London. She -had slept for ten hours without a break on the -previous day, risen hungry to a confused and far too -farinaceous tea, done some dressmaking by the -warmth of an oil-stove, and gone to bed again for -another enormous period of heavy slumber. She was -well refreshed; her complexion was restored to its -marvellous perfectness; and life seemed simpler, more -promising, and more agreeably exciting than usual.</p> -<p class="pnext">She had convinced herself that the Irish lord -would call at the office in person to pay his bill; the -mysterious and yet thoroughly understood code that -governs certain human relations would forbid him -either to post a cheque or to send his man with the -money. Her only fear was that he might already -have called. But even if he had already called, he -would call and call again, on one good pretext or -another, until ... Anyhow they would meet.... -And so on, according to the inconsequent logic of -day-dreams in the everlasting night of the Tube.</p> -<p class="pnext">The dreamer had a seat in the train--one of the -advantages of living near the terminus--but -strap-hangers of both sexes swayed in clusters over her, -and along the whole length of the car, and both the -platforms were too densely populated. She could not -read; nobody could read. As the train roared and -shook through Down Street station, she jumped up -to fight her way through straphangers towards the -platform, in readiness to descend at Dover Street. -On these early trains carrying serious people, if you -sat quiet until the train came to your station you -would assuredly be swept on to the next station. -These trains taught you to meet the future half-way.</p> -<p class="pnext">As it happened the train stopped about a hundred -yards short of Dover Street, and would not move on. -Seconds and minutes passed, and the stoppage became -undeniably a breakdown. The tunnels under the -earth from Dover Street back to Hammersmith were -full of stopped trains a few hundred yards apart, and -every train was full of serious people who positively -had to be at a certain place at a certain time. Lilian's -mood changed; the mood of the car changed, and of -the train and of all the trains. No one knew -anything; no one could do anything; the trains were each -a prison. The railway company by its officials -maintained a masterly silence as to the origin of the vast -inconvenience and calamity. Rumours were born by -spontaneous generation. A man within Lilian's -hearing, hitherto one of God's quite minor achievements, -was suddenly gifted with divination and announced -that the electricians at the power station in Lots Road -had gone on strike without notice and every electric -train in London had been paralysed. Half an hour -elapsed. The prisoners, made desperate by the -prospect of the fate which attended them, spoke of -revolution and homicide, well aware that they were just as -capable of these things as a flock of sheep. Then, -as inexplicably as it had stopped, the train started.</p> -<p class="pnext">Two minutes later Lilian, with some scores of -other girls, was running madly through Dover Street -in vain pursuit of time lost and vanished. Not a soul -had guessed the cause of the disaster, which, according -to the evening papers, was due to an old, unhappy -man who had wandered unobserved into the tunnel -from Dover Street station with the ambition to -discover for himself what the next world was like. This -ambition had been gratified.</p> -<p class="pnext">As Lilian, in a state of nervous exhaustion, flew -on tired wings up the office stairs she of course had -to compose herself into a semblance of bright, virginal -freshness for the day's work, conformably with the -employer's theory that until he reaches the office the -employee has done and suffered nothing whatever. -And Miss Grig was crossing the ante-room at the -moment of Lilian's entry.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're twenty-five minutes late, Miss Share," -said Miss Grig coldly. She looked very ill.</p> -<p class="pnext">"So sorry, Miss Grig," Lilian answered with -unprotesting humility, and offered no explanation.</p> -<p class="pnext">Useless to explain! Useless to assert innocence -and victimization! Excuses founded on the vagaries -of trains were unacceptable in that office, as in -thousands of offices. Employers refused to take the least -interest in trains or other means of conveyance. One -of the girls in the room called "the large room" had -once told Lilian that, living at Ilford, she would -leave home on foggy mornings at six o'clock in order -to be sure of a prompt arrival in Clifford Street at -nine o'clock, thus allowing three hours for little more -than a dozen miles. But only in the book of doomsday -was this detail entered to her credit. Miss Grig, -even if she had heard of it--which she had not--would -have dismissed it as of no importance. Yet -Miss Grig was a just woman.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Come into my room, Miss Share, will you, -please?" said Miss Grig.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian, apprehending she knew not what, thought -to herself bitterly that lateness for a delicious -shopping appointment or a heavenly appointment to lunch -at the Savoy or to motor up the river--affairs of -true importance--would have been laughed off as -negligible, whereas lateness at this filthy office was -equivalent to embezzlement. And she resolved anew, -and with the most terrible determination, to escape at -no matter what risks from the servitude and the -famine of sentiment in which she existed.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-malady">II</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Malady</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Miss Grig's Christian name was Isabel; it was -somehow secret, and never heard in the office; and Felix, -if he ever employed it, could only have done so in -the sacred privacy of the principals' room. Like her -brother, Miss Grig might have been almost any age, -but only the malice of a prisonful of women could -have seriously asserted her to be older than Felix. -Although by general consent an authentic virgin, she -had not the air of one. Rather full in figure, she was -neither desiccated nor stiff, and when she moved her -soft body took on flowing curves, so that clever and -experienced observers could not resist the inference, -almost certainly wrong, that in the historic past of -Isabel lay hidden some Sabine episode or sublime -folly of self-surrender. She had black hair, streaked -with grey, and marvellous troubled, smouldering -black eyes that seemed to yearn and appeal. And -yet in an occasional gesture and tone she would -become masculine.</p> -<p class="pnext">She went wrong in the matter of clothes, aspiring -after elegance and missing it through a fundamental -lack of distinction, and also through inability to -concentrate her effects. Her dresses consisted of ten -thousand details held together by no unity of -conception. Thin gold chains wandered, apparently -purposeless, over her rich form; they would -disappear like a railway in a cutting and then pop out -unexpectedly in another part of the lush rolling -countryside. The contours of her visible garments -gave the impression that the concealed system of -underskirts, cache-corsets, corsets, lingerie, hose and -suspenders was of the most complicated, innumerable -and unprecedented variety. And indeed she was one -of those women who, for the performance of the -morning and the evening rites, trebly secure -themselves by locks and bolts and blinds from the slightest -chance of a chance of the peril of the world's gaze.</p> -<p class="pnext">The purchase of the typewriting business by Felix -had changed Miss Grig's life from top to bottom. -It had transformed her from a relic festering in sloth -and frustration into the eager devotee of a sane and -unassailable cult. The business was her perversity, -her passion. It was her mystic husband, fecundating -her with vital juices, the spouse to whom she joyously -gave long nights of love. Apart from the business, -and possibly her brother, she had no real thoughts. -The concern as it existed in Lilian's time was her -creation. She would sacrifice anything to it, her own -health and life, even the lives and health of tender -girls. Yes, and she would sacrifice her conscience to -it. She would cheat for it. The charges for -typewriting were high--for she had established a tradition -of the highest-class work and rates to match--but this -did not prevent her from seizing any excuse to inflate -the bills. The staff said that her malpractices sufficed -every year to pay the rent. And she was never more -priestess-like, more lofty and grandiose, than when -falsifying an account.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian found her seated alone in fluent dignity at -the great desk.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, Miss Grig?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"May I enquire," asked Miss Grig in grave -accents not of reproach but of pain, "why you did -not put in an appearance yesterday, Miss Share?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, madam," Lilian answered with surprise -and gentle rebuttal, "I stayed here all the night before -and I was so tired I slept all day. I didn't wake up -until it would have been too late to come."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you knew I was unwell, and that I should -count on you upper girls to fill my place. Or you -should have known. What if you <em class="italics">were</em> tired? You -are young and strong; you could have stood it easily -enough, and there was much work to be done. In a -crisis we don't think about being tired. We just -keep on. And even if you did sleep all day, I -suppose it never occurred to you in the evening that -someone would be needed to take charge during last -night. The least you could have done would have -been to run up and see how things were. But no! -You didn't even do that! Shall I tell you who did -take charge last night? Miss Jackson. She'd been -on duty the whole day yesterday. She stayed all -night till six o'clock. And she was back again at -nine o'clock this morning--twenty-five minutes before -you. And when I told her to go back home, she -positively refused. She defied me. That's what I -call the true spirit, my dear Lilian."</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig ceased; only her lustrous reproachful -eyes continued the harangue. She had shown no -anger. She had appealed to Miss Share's best -instincts.</p> -<p class="pnext">The address "my dear Lilian" caused misgivings -in the employee's bosom. Lilian knew that it was -Felix and not Miss Grig who had admitted her to -employment, and that Miss Grig had been somewhat -opposed to the engagement. She also guessed that -Miss Grig objected to her good looks, and was always -watchful for an occasion to illustrate her theory that -a girl might be too good-looking. And the tone of -the words "my dear Lilian" had menace in its -appealing, sad sweetness. Miss Grig had been known -to deviate without warning into frightful inclemency, -and she always implacably got the last ounce out of -her girls.</p> -<p class="pnext">The culprit offered no defence. There was no -defence. Assuredly she ought to have run up on the -previous evening. Miss Grig had spoken truth--the -notion of running up had simply not occurred to the -preoccupied Lilian. Nevertheless, while saying -naught, she kept thinking resentfully: "Here I -worked over twenty hours on end and this is my -reward--a slating! This is my reward--a nice old -slating!" With fallen face and drooping lower lip -she moved to leave. She was ready to cry.</p> -<p class="pnext">"And there's something else, Miss Share. Now -please don't cry. When Mr. Grig came up the night -before last to tell you that I was unwell, you ought -not to have allowed him to stay. You know that he -can't stand night-work. Men are not like us -women----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"But how could I possibly----" Lilian interrupted, -quite forgetting the impulse to cry.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You should have seen that he left again at once. -It would have been quite easy--especially for a girl -like you. The result is that he's been a wreck ever -since. It seems he stayed till four o'clock and after. -I tried my best to stop him from coming at all; but -he would come.... Please, please, think over what -I've said. Thank you."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian felt all the soft, cruel, unopposable force of -Miss Grig's individuality. She vaguely and with -inimical deference comprehended the secret of Miss -Grig's success in business. Youth and beauty and -charm, qualities so well appreciated by Felix, so rich -in promise for Lilian, were absolutely powerless -against the armour of Miss Grig. To Miss Grig -Lilian was no better than a cross-eyed, flat-bosomed -spinster of thirty-nine. Not a bit better! Perhaps -worse! Miss Grig actually had the assurance to -preach to Lilian the nauseous and unnatural doctrine -that men are by right entitled to the protection and -self-sacrifice of women.</p> -<p class="pnext">Moreover, Miss Grig, without knowing it, had -convinced Lilian that her ideas concerning Lord -Mackworth were the hallucinations of an excessively -silly and despicable kind of brain. And even if Lord -Mackworth did playfully attempt to continue the -divertissement begun in the romantic night, Miss -Grig by the sureness of her perceptions and the bland -pitilessness of her tactics would undoubtedly counter -him once and for all. The two women, so acutely -contrasted in age, form and temperament, had this -in common--that they secretly and unwillingly -respected each other. But the younger was at present -no match at all for the elder.</p> -<p class="pnext">And yet Lilian was not cast down--neither by the -realization of her awful silliness and of her lack of -the sense of responsibility, nor by her powerlessness, -nor by the awaking from the dream of Lord Mackworth. -On the contrary, she was quite uplifted and -agreeably excited, and her brain was working on lines -of which Miss Grig had absolutely no notion -whatever. Miss Grig, obviously truthful, had said that -she had tried to prevent her brother from coming to -the office on the last night but one. Miss Grig had -been ready enough to let Lilian stay till morning -without a word. But Felix had told Lilian that he -had come to the office to warn her at his sister's urgent -request. Why had Felix lied?</p> -<p class="pnext">The answer clearly was that he had had a fancy to -chat with Lilian alone, without Lilian suspecting -his fancy. And in fact he had chatted with Lilian -alone, and to some purpose.... The answer was -that Felix was genuinely interested in Lilian. -Further, Miss Grig suspected this interest. If Gertie -Jackson had happened to be on duty that evening, -would Miss Grig have opposed her brother's coming? -She would not. Finally, Miss Grig herself had -confessed, perhaps unthinkingly, that Lilian was not -without influential attributes. The phrase -"especially for a girl like you" shone in the girl's mind.</p> -<p class="pnext">She went into the small room, which was at the -moment empty. The cover had not been removed -from her own machine, but the other two machines were -open, and Millicent's was ammunitioned with paper. -Lilian could hear Milly, who shared the small room -with herself and Gertie Jackson, dividing work and -giving instructions in an important, curt voice to the -mere rabble of girls in the large room. To Lilian's -practised sense there was throughout the office an -atmosphere of nervous disturbance and unease. -Mr. Grig being absent, she felt sure that before the end -of the day--probably just about tea-time--the -electrical fluid would concentrate itself in one spot and -then explode in a tense, violent, bitter and yet only -murmured scene between two of the girls in the large -room--unless, of course, she herself and Millicent -happened to get across one another.</p> -<p class="pnext">She took off her things and put them in the -clothes cupboard. Gertie's hat and jacket were -absent, which meant that Gertie was already out -somewhere on the firm's business. Millicent's -precious boa was present instead of her thick scarf, -which meant that Millicent was to meet at night the -insufferably pert young man from the new branch of -Lloyds Bank in Bond Street. The pert young man -would dine Millicent at the Popular Café in Piccadilly, -where for as little as five shillings two persons -might have a small table to themselves, the aphrodisiac -of music, and the ingenuous illusion of seeing -Life with a capital. Now Lilian never connected Life -with anything less than the Savoy, the Carlton, and -the Ritz. Lilian had been born with a sure instinct -in these high matters. She looked at the contents of -the clothes-cupboard and despised them, furiously--and -in particular Millicent's boa; anybody could see -what that was; it would not deceive even a bank -clerk. Not that Lilian possessed any article of attire -to surpass the boa in intrinsic worth! She did not. -But she felt no envy in regard to the boa, and indeed -never envied any girl the tenth-rate--no, nor the -second-rate! Her desire was for the best or nothing; -she could not compromise. The neighbouring -shop-windows had effectively educated her because she was -capable of self-education. Millicent and Gertie -actually preferred the inferior displays of Oxford Street. -She gazed in froward insolence at the workroom -full of stitching girls on the opposite side of the street. -They were toiling as though they had been toiling for -hours. Customers had not yet begun to be shown -into the elegant apartment on the floor below the -workrooms. Customers were probably still sipping -tea in bed with a maid to help them, and some of -them had certainly never been in a Tube in their lives. -Yet the workgirls, seen broadly across the street, were -on the average younger, prettier, daintier and more -graceful than the customers. Why then...? Etc.</p> -<p class="pnext">The upper floors of all the surrounding streets -were studded with such nests of heads bent over -needles. There were scores and scores of those -crowded rooms, excruciatingly feminine. "Modes -et Robes"--a charming vocation! You were always -seeing and touching lovely stuff, laces, feathers -and confections of stuffs. A far more attractive -occupation than typewriting, Lilian thought. -Sometimes she had dreamt of a change, but not -seriously. To work on other women's attire, knowing -that she could never rise to it herself, would have -broken her heart.</p> -<p class="pnext">Quickly she turned away from the window, still -uplifted--passionately determined that one day she -would enter the most renowned and exclusive arcana -in Hanover Square, and not as an employee either! -Then, on that day, would she please with the virtuosity -of a great pianist playing the piano, then would -she exert charm, then would she be angelic and -divine; and when she departed there should be a -murmur of conversation. She smiled her best in -anticipation; her fingers ran smoothingly over her -blouse.</p> -<p class="pnext">Gertie Jackson came in and transformed the -rehearsed smile into an expression of dissatisfaction -and hostility far from divine; the fingers dropped as -it were guiltily; and Lilian remembered all her -grievances and her tragedy. Gertie Jackson's bright, -pleasant, clear, drawn face showed some traces of -fatigue, but no sign at all of being a martyr to the -industrial system or to the despotism of individual -employers. She was a tall, well-made girl of -twenty-eight, and she held herself rather nicely. She was -kindly, cheerful and of an agreeable temper--as placid -as a bowl of milk. She loved her work, regarding it -as of real importance, and she seemed to be entirely -without ambition. Apparently she would be quite -happy to go on altruistically typing for ever and ever, -and to be cast into a typist's grave.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian's attitude towards her senior colleague was -in various respects critical. In the first place, the -poor thing did not realize that she was growing -old--already approaching the precipice of thirty! In -the second place, though possessed of a good figure -and face, she did nothing with these great gifts. She -had no desire to be agreeable; she was agreeable -unconsciously, as a bird sings; there was no merit in it. -She had no coquetry, and not the slightest inclination -for <em class="italics">chic</em>. Her clothes were "good," and bought in -Upper Street, Islington; her excellent boots gave her -away. She was not uninterested in men; but she did -not talk about them, she twittered about them. To -Lilian she had the soul of an infant. And she was -too pure, too ingenuous, too kind, too conscientious; -her nature lacked something fundamental, and Lilian -felt but could not describe what it was--save by -saying that she had no kick in either her body or her -soul. In the third place, there was that terrible -absence of ambition. Lilian could not understand -contentment, and Gertie's contentment exasperated -her. She admitted that Gertie was faultless, and yet -she tremendously despised the paragon, occasionally -going so far as to think of her as a cat.</p> -<p class="pnext">And now Gertie straightened herself, stuck her -chest out bravely, according to habit, and smiled a -most friendly greeting. Behind the smile lay -concealed no resentment against Lilian for having failed -to appear on the previous evening, and no moral -superiority as a first-class devotee of duty. What -lay behind it, and not wholly concealed, was a grave -sense of responsibility for the welfare of the business -in circumstances difficult and complex.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Have you seen Miss Grig?" she asked solemnly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," said Lilian, with a touch of careless -defiance; she supposed Gertie to be delicately -announcing that Miss G. had been lying in wait for her, -Lilian.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Doesn't she look simply frightfully ill?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"She does," admitted Lilian, who in her egotism -had quite forgotten her first impression that morning -of Miss G.'s face. "What is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Gertie mentioned the dreadful name of one of -those hidden though not shameful maladies which -afflict only women--but the majority of women. The -crude words sounded oddly on Gertie's prim lips. -Lilian was duly impressed; she was as if intimidated. -At intervals the rumour of a victim of that class of -diseases runs whisperingly through assemblages of -women, who on the entrance of a male hastily change -the subject of talk and become falsely bright. Yet -every male in the circle of acquaintances will catch -the rumour almost instantly, because some wife runs -to inform her husband, and the husband informs all -his friends.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Who told you?" Lilian demanded.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! I've known about it for a long time," said -Gertie without pride. "I told Milly just now, before -I went out. Everybody will know soon." Lilian -felt a pang of jealousy. "It means a terrible -operation," Gertie added.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But she oughtn't to be here!" Lilian exclaimed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No!" Gertie agreed with a surprising sternness -that somewhat altered Lilian's estimate of her. "No! -And she isn't <em class="italics">going</em> to be here, either! Not if I -know it! I shall see that she gets back home at -lunch-time. She's quarrelled already with Mr. Grig -this morning about her coming up."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Do you mean at home they quarrelled?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. He got so angry that he said if she came -he wouldn't. He was quite right to be angry, of -course. But she came all the same."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss G. must have told Gertie all that herself," -Lilian reflected. "She'd never be as confidential with -me. She'd never tell me anything!" And she had -a queer feeling of inferiority.</p> -<p class="pnext">"We must do all we can to help things," said -Gertie.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course!" agreed Lilian, suddenly softened, -overcome by a rush of sympathy and a strong impulse -to behave nobly, beautifully, forgivingly towards -Miss G.</p> -<p class="pnext">Nevertheless, though it was Gertie's attitude that -had helped to inspire her, she still rather disdained -the virtuous senior. Lilian appreciated profoundly--perhaps -without being able to put her feeling into -words--the heroic madness of Miss G. in defying -common sense and her brother for the sake of the -beloved business. But Gertie saw in Miss G.'s act -nothing but a piece of naughty and sick foolishness. -To Lilian Miss G. in her superficial yearning softness -became almost a terrible figure, a figure to be -regarded with awe, and to serve as an exemplar. But -in contemplating Miss G. Lilian uneasily realized her -own precariousness. Miss G. was old and plain (save -that her eyes had beauty), and yet was fulfilling her -great passion and was imposing herself on her -environment. Miss G. was <em class="italics">doing</em>. Lilian could only -<em class="italics">be</em>; she would always remain at the mercy of someone, -and the success which she desired could last probably -no longer than her youth and beauty. The -transience of the gifts upon which she must depend -frightened her--but at the same time intensified anew -her resolves. She had not a moment to lose. And -Gertie, standing there close to her, sweet and reliable -and good, in the dull cage, amid the daily -circumstances of their common slavery, would have -understood nothing of Lilian's obscure emotion.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="shut">III</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Shut</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">The two girls had not settled to work when the door -of the small room was pushed cautiously open and -Mr. Grig came in--as it were by stealth. Milly, -prolonging her sweet hour of authority in the large -room, had not yet returned to her mates. By a -glance and a gesture Mr. Grig prevented the girls -from any exclamation of surprise. Evidently he was -secreting himself from his sister, and he must have -entered the office without a sound. He looked older, -worn, worried, captious--as though he needed balm -and solace and treatment at once firm and infinitely -soft. Lilian, who a few minutes earlier had been -recalcitrant to Miss Grig's theory that women must -protect men, now felt a desire to protect Mr. Grig, -to save him exquisitely from anxieties unsuited to his -temperament.</p> -<p class="pnext">He shut the door, and in the intimacy of the room -faced the two girls, one so devoted, the other perhaps -equally devoted but whose devotion was outshone by -her brilliant beauty. For him both typists were very -young, but they were both women, familiar beings -whom the crisis had transformed from typists into -angels of succour; and he had ceased to be an -employer and become a man who demanded the aid of -women and knew how to rend their hearts.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is she in there?" he snapped, with a movement -of the head towards the principals' room.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," breathed Lilian.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," said Gertie. "Oh! Mr. Grig, she ought -never to have come out in her state!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, God damn it, of course she oughtn't!" -retorted Mr. Grig. His language, unprecedented in -that room, ought to have shocked the respectable -girls, but did not in the slightest degree. To judge -from their demeanour they might have been living -all their lives in an environment of blasphemous -profanity. "Didn't I do everything I could to keep her -at home?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! I know you did!" Gertie agreed -sympathetically. "She told me."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I made a hades of a row with her about it in the -hope of keeping her in the house. But it was no -use. I swore I wouldn't move until she returned. -But of course I've got to do something. Look here, -one of you must go to her and tell her I'm waiting -in a taxi downstairs to take her home, and that I -shall stick in it till she gives way, even if I'm there -all day. That ought to shift her. Tell her I've -arranged for the doctor to be at the house at a quarter -to eleven. You'd better go and do it, Miss Jackson. -She's more likely to listen to you."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, do, Gertie! You go," Lilian seconded the -instruction. Then: "What's the matter, Gertie? -What on earth's the matter?"</p> -<p class="pnext">The paragon had suddenly blanched and she -seemed to shiver: first sign of acute emotion that -Lilian had ever observed in the placid creature.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's nothing. I'm only---- It's really nothing."</p> -<p class="pnext">And Gertie, who had not taken off her street-things, -rose resolutely from her chair. She, who a -little earlier had seemed quite energetic and fairly fresh -after her night's work, now looked genuinely ill.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You go along," Mr. Grig urged her, ruthlessly -ignoring the symptoms which had startled Lilian. -"And mind how you do it, there's a good creature. -I'll get downstairs first." And he stepped out of the -room.</p> -<p class="pnext">The door opening showed tall, thin Millicent -returning to her own work. Mr. Grig pushed past her -on tiptoe. As soon as Gertie had disappeared on her -mission into the principals' room, Lilian told -Millicent, not without an air of superiority, as of an -Under-secretary of State to a common member of Parliament, -what was occurring. Millicent, who loved "incidents," -bit her lips in a kind of cruel pleasure. (She had a -long, straight, absolutely regular nose, and was born -to accomplish the domestic infelicity of some male -clerk.) She made an excuse to revisit the large room -in order to spread the thrilling news.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian stood just behind the still open door of the -small room. A long time elapsed. Then the door -of the principals' room opened, and Lilian, discreetly -peeping, saw the backs of Miss Grig and Gertie -Jackson. They seemed to be supporting each other in -their progress towards the outer door. She wondered -what the expressions on their faces might be; she -had no clue to the tenor of the scene which had -ended in Gertie's success, for neither of the pair spoke -a word. How had Gertie managed to beat the old -fanatic?</p> -<p class="pnext">After a little pause she went to the window and -opened it and looked out at the pavement below. -The taxi was there. Two foreshortened figures -emerged from the building. Mr. Grig emerged -from the taxi. Miss Grig was induced into the -vehicle, and to Lilian's astonishment Gertie followed -her. Mr. Grig entered last. As the taxi swerved -away, a little outcry of voices drew Lilian's attention -to the fact that both windows of the large room were -open and full of clusters of heads. The entire office, -thanks to that lath, Millicent, was disorganized. -Lilian whipped in her own head like lightning.</p> -<p class="pnext">At three o'clock she was summoned to the telephone. -Mr. Grig was speaking from a call-office.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Jackson's got influenza, the doctor says," -he announced grimly. "So she has to stay here. A -nice handful for me. You'd better carry on. I'll -try to come up later. Miss Grig said something -about some accounts--I don't know."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian, quite unable to check a feeling of intense, -excited happiness, replied with soothing, eager -sympathy and allegiance, and went with dignity into the -principals' room, now for the moment lawfully at her -mercy. The accounts of the establishment were -always done by Miss Grig, and there was evidence -on the desk that she had been obdurately at work on -bills when Gertie Jackson enticed her away. In the -evening Lilian, after a day's urgent toil at her -machine, was sitting in Miss Grig's chair in the -principals' room, at grips with the day-book, the -night-book, the ledger and some bill-forms. Although -experiencing some of the sensations of a traveller lost -in a forest (of which the trees were numerals), she was -saturated with bliss. She had dismissed the rest of -the staff at the usual hour, firmly refusing to let -anybody remain with her. Almost as a favour Millicent -had been permitted to purchase a night's food for her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Just as the clock of St. George's struck eight, it -occurred to her that to allow herself to be found by -Mr. Grig in the occupation of Miss Grig's place -might amount to a grave failure in tact; and -hastily--for he might arrive at any moment---she removed -all the essential paraphernalia to the small room. -She had heard nothing further from Mr. Grig, who, -moreover, had not definitely promised to come, but -she was positive that he would come. However late -the hour might be, he would come. She would hear -the outer door open; she would hear his steps; she -would see him; and he would see her, faithfully -labouring all alone for him, and eager to take a whole -night-watch for the second time in a week. For this -hour she had made a special toilette, with much -attention to her magnificent hair. She looked -spick-and-span and enchanting.</p> -<p class="pnext">Nor was she mistaken. Hardly had she arranged -matters in her own room when the outer door did -open, and she did hear his steps. The divine moment -had arrived. He appeared in the doorway of the -room. Rather to her regret he was not in evening -dress. (But how could he be?) Still, he had a -marvellous charm and his expression was less worried. -He was almost too good to be true. She greeted him -with a smile that combined sorrow and sympathy and -welcome, fidelity and womanly comprehension, the -expert assistant and the beautiful young Eve. She -was so discomposed by the happiness of realization -that at first she scarcely knew what either of them -was saying, and then she seemed to come to herself -and she caught Mr. Grig's voice clearly in the middle -of a sentence:'</p> -<p class="pnext">"... with a temperature of 104. The doctor said -it would be madness to send her to Islington. This -sort of influenza takes you like this, it appears. I -shall have it myself next.... What are you supposed -to be doing? Bills, eh?"</p> -<p class="pnext">He looked hard at her, and her eyes dropped -before his experienced masculine gaze. She liked -him to be wrinkled and grey, to be thirty years older -than herself, to be perhaps even depraved. She -liked to contrast her innocent freshness with his worn -maturity. She liked it that he had not shown the -slightest appreciation of her loyalty. He spoke only -vaguely of Miss Grig's condition; it was not a topic -meet for discussion between them, and with a few -murmured monosyllables she let it drop.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I do hope you aren't thinking of staying, Mr. Grig," -she said next. "I shall be perfectly all right -by myself, and the bills will occupy me till something -comes in."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm not going to stay. Neither are you," replied -Mr. Grig curtly. "We'll shut the place up."</p> -<p class="pnext">Her face fell.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"We'll shut up for to-night."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But we're supposed to be always open! -Supposing some work does come in! It always -does----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No doubt. But we're going to shut up the -place--at once." There was fatigue in his voice.</p> -<p class="pnext">Tears came into Lilian's eyes. She had expected -him, in answer to her appeal to him to depart, to -insist on staying with her. She had been waiting for -heaven to unfold. And now he had decided to break -the sacred tradition and close the office. She could -not master her tears.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Don't worry," he said in tones suddenly charged -with tenderness and sympathetic understanding. "It -can't be helped. I know just how you feel, and don't -you imagine I don't. You've been splendid. But I had -to promise Isabel I'd shut the office to-night. She's -in a very bad state, and I did it to soothe her. You -know she hates me to be here at nights--thinks I'm -not strong enough for it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's not her reason to-night," said Lilian to -herself. "I know her reason to-night well enough!"</p> -<p class="pnext">But she gave Mr. Grig a look grateful for his -exquisite compassion, which had raised him in her -sight to primacy among men.</p> -<p class="pnext">Obediently she let herself be dismissed first, -leaving him behind, but in the street she looked up at her -window. The words "Open day and night" on the -blind were no longer silhouetted against a light -within. The tradition was broken. On the way to -the Dover Street Tube she did not once glance behind -her to see if he was following.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-vizier">IV</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Vizier</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Late in the afternoon of the following day Mr. Grig -put his head inside the small room.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Just come here, Miss Share," he began, and then, -seeing that Millicent was not at her desk, he appeared -to decide that he might as well speak with Lilian -where she was.</p> -<p class="pnext">He had been away from the office most of the day, -and even during his presences had seemingly taken no -part in its conduct. Much work had been received, -some of it urgent, and Lilian, typing at her best -speed, had the air of stopping with reluctance to listen -to whatever the useless and wandering man might -have to say. He merely said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"We shall close to-night, like last night."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, but, Mr. Grig," Lilian protested--and there -was no sign of a tear this time--"we can't possibly -keep on closing. We had one complaint this morning -about being closed last night. I didn't tell you -because I didn't want to worry you."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Now listen to me," Mr. Grig protested in his -turn, petulantly. "Nothing worries me more than -the idea that people are keeping things from me in -order that I shan't be worried. My sister was always -doing that; she was incurable, but I'm not going to -have it from anyone else. If you hide things, why -are you silly enough to let out afterwards that you -were hiding them and why you were hiding them? -That's what I can't understand."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Sorry, Mr. Grig," Lilian apologized briefly and -with sham humility, humouring the male in such a -manner that he must know he was being humoured.</p> -<p class="pnext">His petulancy charmed her. It gave him youth, -and gave her age and wisdom. He had good excuse -for it--Miss Grig had been moved into a nursing -home preparatory to an operation, and Gertie was -stated to be very ill in his house--and she enjoyed -excusing him. It was implicit in every tone of his -voice that they were now definitely not on terms of -employer and employee.</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's all right! That's all right!" he said, -mollified by her discreet smile. "But close at six. -I'm off."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I really don't think we ought to close," she -insisted, with firmness in her voice followed by -persuasion in her features, and she brushed back her hair -with a gesture of girlishness that could not be -ineffective. He hesitated, frowning. She went on: -"If it gets about that we're closing night after night, -we're bound to lose a lot of customers. I can -perfectly well stay here."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes! And be no use at all to-morrow!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I should be here to-morrow just the same. If -other girls can do it, why can't I?" (A touch of -harshness in the question.) "Oh, Milly!" she -exclaimed, neglecting to call Milly Miss Merrislate, -according to the custom by which in talking to the -principals everybody referred to everybody else as -"Miss." "Oh, Milly!"--Millicent appeared behind -Mr. Grig at the door and he nervously made way for -her--"here's Mr. Grig wants to close again to-night! -I'm sure we really oughtn't to. I've told Mr. Grig -I'll stay--and be here to-morrow too. Don't you -agree we mustn't close?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Millicent was flattered by the frank appeal as an -equal from one whom she was already with annoyance -beginning to regard as a superior. From timidity in -Mr. Grig's presence she looked down her too straight -nose, but she nodded affirmatively her narrow head, -and as soon as she had recovered from the disturbing -novelty of deliberately opposing the policy of an -employer she said to Lilian:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'll stay with you if you like. There's plenty -to do, goodness knows!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"You are a dear!" Lilian exclaimed, just as if -they had been alone together in the room.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, well, have it as you like!" Mr. Grig rasped, -and left, defeated.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is he vexed?" Milly demanded after he had -gone.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course not! He's very pleased, really. But -he has to save his face."</p> -<p class="pnext">Milly gave Lilian a scarcely conscious glance of -admiration, as a woman better versed than herself in -the mysteries of men, and also as a woman of -unsuspected courage. And she behaved like an angel -through the whole industrious night--so much so that -Lilian was nearly ready to admit to an uncharitable -premature misjudgment of the girl.</p> -<p class="pnext">"And now what are you going to do about keeping -open?" inquired Mr. Grig, with bland, grim triumph -the next afternoon to the exhausted Lilian and the -exhausted Millicent. "I thought I'd let you have -your own way last night. But you can't see any -further than your noses, either of you. You're both -dead."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I can easily stay up another night," said Lilian -desperately, but Millicent said nothing.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No doubt!" Mr. Grig sneered. "You look as -if you could! And supposing you do, what about -to-morrow night? The whole office is upset, and, of -course, people must go and choose just this time to -choke us with work!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, anyhow, we can't close," Lilian stoutly -insisted.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No!" Mr. Grig unexpectedly agreed. "Miss -Merrislate, you know most about the large room. -You'd better pick two of 'em out of there, and tell -'em they must stay and do the best they can by -themselves. But that won't carry us through. <em class="italics">I</em> certainly -shan't sit up, and I won't have you two sitting up -every second night in turn. There's only one thing -to do. I must engage two new typists at once--that's -clear. We may as well face the situation. Where -do we get 'em from?"</p> -<p class="pnext">But neither Lilian nor Milly knew just how Miss -Grig was in the habit of finding recruits to the staff. -Each of them had been taken on through private -connexions. Gertie Jackson would probably have known -how to proceed, but Gertie was down with influenza.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'll tell you what I shall do," said Mr. Grig at -last. "I'll get an advertisement into to-morrow's -<em class="italics">Daily Chronicle</em>. That ought to do the trick. This -affair's got to be handled quickly. When the -applicants come you'd better deal with 'em, Miss -Share--in my room. I shan't be here to-morrow."</p> -<p class="pnext">He spoke scornfully, and would not listen to offers -of help in the matter of the advertisement. He would -see to it himself, and wanted no assistance, indeed -objected to assistance as being merely troublesome. -The next day was the day of Miss Grig's operation, -and the apprehension of it maddened this affectionate -and cantankerous brother. Millicent left the small -room to bestow upon two chosen members of the -rabble in the large room the inexpressible glory of -missing a night's sleep.</p> -<p class="pnext">On the following morning, when Lilian, refreshed, -arrived zealously at the office half an hour earlier than -usual, she found three aspirants waiting to apply for -the vacant posts. The advertisement had been drawn -up and printed; the newspaper had been distributed -and read, and the applicants, pitifully eager, had -already begun to arrive from the ends of London. -Sitting in Miss Grig's chair, Lilian nervously -interviewed and examined them. One of the three gave -her age as thirty-nine, and produced yellowed -testimonials. By ten o'clock twenty-three suitors had -come, and Lilian, frightened by her responsibilities, -had impulsively engaged a couple, who took off hats -and jackets and began to work at once. She had -asked Millicent to approve of the final choice, but -Millicent, intensely jealous and no longer comparable -to even the lowest rank of angel, curtly declined.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're in charge," Millicent said acidly. "Don't -you try to push it on to me, Miss Lilian Share."</p> -<p class="pnext">Aspirants continued to arrive. Lilian had the -clever idea of sticking a notice on the outer door: -"All situations filled. No typists required." But -aspirants continued to enter, and all of them averred -positively that they had not seen the notice on the -door. Lilian told a junior to paste four sheets of -typing paper together, and she inscribed the notice -on the big sheet in enormous characters. But -aspirants continued to enter, and all of them averred -positively that they had not seen the notice on the -door. It was dreadful, it was appalling, because -Lilian was saying to herself: "I may be like them -one day." Millicent, on the other hand, disdained -the entire procession, and seized the agreeable rôle -of dismissing applicants as fast as they came.</p> -<p class="pnext">In the evening Mr. Grig appeared. The operation -had been a success. Gertie Jackson was, if -anything, a little worse; but the doctor anticipated an -improvement. Mr. Grig showed not the least interest -in his business. Lilian took the night duty alone.</p> -<p class="pnext">Thenceforward the office settled gradually into its -new grooves, and, though there was much less -efficiency than under Miss Grig, there was little friction. -Everybody except Millicent regarded Lilian as the -grand vizier, and Millicent's demeanour towards -Lilian was by turns fantastically polite and -fantastically indifferent.</p> -<p class="pnext">A fortnight passed. The two patients were going -on well, and it was stated that there was a possibility -of them being sent together to Felixstowe for -convalescence. Mr. Grig's attendance grew more regular, -but he did little except keep the books and make out -the bills; in which matter he displayed a facility that -amazed Lilian, who really was not a bit arithmetical.</p> -<p class="pnext">One day, entering the large room after hours, -Lilian saw Millicent typing on a machine not her -own. As she passed she read the words: "My -darling Gertie. I simply can't tell you how glad I -was to get your lovely letter." And it flashed across -her that Millicent would relate all the office doings to -Gertie, who would relate them to Miss Grig. She -had a spasm of fear, divining that Millicent would -misrepresent her. In what phrases had Millicent told -that Lilian had sat in Miss Grig's chair and -interviewed applicants for situations! Was it not strange -that Gertie had not written to her, Lilian, nor she -even thought of writing to Gertie? Too late now for -her to write to Gertie! A few days later Mr. Grig -said to Lilian in the small room:'</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're very crowded here, aren't you?"</p> -<p class="pnext">The two new-comers had been put into the small -room, being of a superior sort and not fitted to join -the rabble.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, no!" said Lilian. "We're quite comfortable, thank you."</p> -<p class="pnext">"You don't seem to be very comfortable. It -occurs to me it would be better in every way if you -brought your machine into my room."</p> -<p class="pnext">An impulse, and an error of judgment, on Felix's -part! But he was always capricious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I should prefer to stay where I am," Lilian -answered, not smiling. What a letter Millicent would -have written in order to describe Lilian's promotion -to the principals' room!</p> -<p class="pnext">Often, having made a mistake, Felix would -persist in it from obstinacy.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! As you like!" he muttered huffily, instead -of recognizing by his tone that Lilian was right. But -the next moment he repeated, very softly and kindly: -"As you like! It's for you to decide." He had not -once shown the least appreciation of, or gratitude for, -Lilian's zeal. On the contrary, he had been in the -main querulous and censorious. But she did not -mind. She was richly rewarded by a single -benevolent inflection of that stirring voice. She seemed -to have forgotten that she was born for pleasure, -luxury, empire. Work fully satisfied her, but it was -work for him. The mere suggestion that she should -sit in his room filled her with deep joy.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-martyr">V</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Martyr</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Miss Grig came back to the office on a Thursday, -and somewhat mysteriously. Millicent, no doubt -from information received through Gertie Jackson, -had been hinting for several days that the return -would not be long delayed; but Mr. Grig had said not -one word about the matter until the Wednesday -evening, when he told Lilian, with apparent casualness, -as she was leaving for the night, that his sister might -be expected the next morning. As for Miss Jackson, -she would resume her duties only on the Monday, -having family affairs to transact at Islington. Miss -Jackson, it seemed, had developed into the trusted -companion and intimate--almost ally, if the term were -not presumptuous--of the soul and dynamo of the -business. Miss Grig and she had suffered together, -they had solaced and strengthened each other; and -Gertie, for all her natural humility, was henceforth to -play in the office a rôle superior to that of a senior -employee. She had already been endowed with -special privileges, and among these was the privilege -of putting the interests of Islington before the interests -of Clifford Street.</p> -<p class="pnext">The advent of Miss Grig, of course, considerably -agitated the office and in particular the small room, -two of whose occupants had never seen the principal -of whose capacity for sustained effort they had heard -such wonderful and frightening tales.</p> -<p class="pnext">At nine-thirty that Thursday morning it was -reported in both rooms that Miss Grig had re-entered -her fortress. Nobody had seen her, but ears had -heard her, and, moreover, it was mystically known -by certain signs, as, for example, the reversal of a -doormat which had been out of position for a week, -that a higher presence was immanent in the place and -that the presence could be none other than Miss Grig. -Everybody became an exemplar of assiduity, amiability, -and entire conscientiousness. Everybody prepared -a smile; and there was a universal wish for the -day to be over.</p> -<p class="pnext">Shortly after ten o'clock Miss Grig visited the -small room, shook hands with Lilian and Millicent, -and permitted the two new typists to be presented to -her. Millicent spoke first and was so effusive in -the expression of the delight induced in her by the -spectacle of Miss Grig and of her sympathy for the -past and hope for the future of Miss Grig's health, -that Lilian, who nevertheless did her best to be -winning, could not possibly compete with her. Miss -Grig had a purified and chastened air, as of one -detached by suffering from the grossness and folly -of the world, and existing henceforth in the world -solely from a cold, passionate sense of duty. Her -hair was greyer, her mild equable voice more soft, -and her burning eyes had a brighter and more -unearthly lustre. She said that she was perfectly -restored, let fall that Mr. Grig had gone away at her -request for a short, much-needed holiday, and then -passed smoothly on to the large room.</p> -<p class="pnext">After a while a little flapper of a beginner came -to tell Millicent that Miss Grig wanted her. Millicent, -who had had charge of the petty cash during the -interregnum, was absent for forty minutes. When -she returned, flushed but smiling, to her expectant -colleagues, she informed Lilian that Miss Grig -desired to see her at twelve o'clock.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I notice there's an account here under the name -of Lord Mackworth," Miss Grig began, having -allowed Lilian to stand for a few seconds before -looking up from the ledger and other books in which she -was apparently absorbed. She spoke with the utmost -gentleness, and fixed her oppressive deep eyes on -Lilian's.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, Miss Grig?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It hasn't been paid."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh!" Lilian against an intense volition began -to blush.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Didn't you know?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I didn't," said Lilian.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you've been having something to do with the -books during my absence."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I did a little at first," Lilian admitted. "Then -Mr. Grig saw to them."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Merrislate tells me that you had quite a lot -to do with them, and I see your handwriting in a -number of places here."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've had nothing to do with them for about three -weeks--I should think at least three weeks, and--and -of course I expected the bill would be paid by -this time."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you never asked?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No. It never occurred to me."</p> -<p class="pnext">This statement was inaccurate. Lilian had often -wondered whether Lord Mackworth had paid his bill, -but, from some obscurely caused self-consciousness, -she had not dared to make any inquiry. She felt -herself to be somehow "mixed up" with Lord Mackworth, -and had absurdly feared that if she mentioned -the name there might appear on the face or in the -voice of the detestable Milly some sinister innuendo.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Merrislate tells me that she didn't trouble -about the account as she supposed it was your affair."</p> -<p class="pnext">"My affair!" exclaimed Lilian impulsively. "It's -no more my affair than anybody else's." She -surmised in the situation some ingenious malevolence of -the flat-breasted mischief-maker.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you did the work?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. It came in while I was on duty that night, -and I did it at once. There was no one else to do it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Who brought it in?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Lord Mackworth."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Did you know him?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Certainly not. I didn't know him from Adam."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Never mind Adam, Miss Share," observed Miss -Grig genially. "Has Lord Mackworth been in since?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"If he has I've not seen him," Lilian answered -defiantly.</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig's geniality exasperated her because it -did not deceive her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm only asking for information," Miss Grig said -with a placatory smile. "I see the copies were -delivered at six-thirty in the morning. Who delivered -the job?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I did."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Where?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"At his address. I dropped it into the letter-box -on my way home after my night's work. I stayed -here because somebody had to stay, and I did the -best I could."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm quite sure of that," Miss Grig agreed. -"And, of course, you've been paid for all overtime--and -there's been quite a good deal. We all do the -best we can. At least, I hope so.... And you've -never seen Lord Mackworth since?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No."</p> -<p class="pnext">"And you simply dropped the envelope into the -letter-box?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Didn't see Lord Mackworth that morning?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Certainly not."</p> -<p class="pnext">By this time Lilian was convinced that Miss Grig's -intention was to provoke her to open resentment. -She guessed also that Milly must have deliberately -kept silence to her, Lilian, about the Mackworth -account in the hope of trouble on Miss Grig's return, -and that Milly had done everything she could that -morning to ensure trouble. The pot had been -simmering in secret for weeks; now it was boiling over. -She felt helpless and furious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You know," Miss Grig proceeded, "there's a rule -in this office that night-work must only be delivered -by hand by the day-staff the next day. If it's wanted -urgently before the day-staff arrives the customer must -fetch it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Excuse me, Miss Grig, I never heard of that rule."</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig smiled again: "Well, at any rate, it -was your business to have heard of it, my dear. -Everybody else knows about it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I told Mr. Grig I was going to deliver it myself, -and he didn't say anything."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please don't attempt to lay the blame on my -brother. He is far too good-natured." Miss Grig's -gaze burned into Lilian's face as, with an enigmatic -intonation, she uttered these words. "You did -wrong. And I suppose you've never heard either -of the rule that new customers must always pay on -or before delivery?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, I have. But I couldn't ask for the money -at half-past six in the morning, could I? And I -couldn't tell him how much it would be before I'd -typed it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, you could, my dear, and you ought to have -done. You could have estimated it and left a margin -for errors. That was the proper course. And if you -know anything about Lord Mackworth you must -know that his debts are notorious. I believe he's -one of the fastest young men about town, and it's -more than possible that that account's a bad debt."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But can't we send in the account again?" Lilian -weakly suggested; she was overthrown by the charge -of fast-living against Lord Mackworth, yet she had -always in her heart assumed that he was a fast liver.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've just telephoned to 6a St. James's Street, and -I needn't say that Lord Mackworth is no longer there, -and they don't know where he is. You see what -comes of disobeying rules."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian lifted her head: "Well, Miss Grig, the -bill isn't so very big, and if you'll please deduct it -from my wages on Saturday I hope that will be the -end of that."</p> -<p class="pnext">It was plain that the bewildered creature had but -an excessively imperfect notion of how to be an -employee. She had taken to the vocation too late in -life.</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig put her hand to the support of her -forehead, and paused.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I can tolerate many things," said she, with great -benignity, "but not insolence."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I didn't mean to be insolent."</p> -<p class="pnext">"You did. And I think you had better accept a -week's notice from Saturday. No. On second -thoughts, I'll pay your wages up to Saturday week -now and you can go at once." She smiled kindly. -"That will give you time to turn round."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! Very well, if it's like that!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig unlocked a drawer; and while she was -counting the money Lilian thought despairingly that -if Mr. Grig, or even if the nice Gertie, had been in -the office, the disaster could not have occurred.</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig shook hands with her and wished her well.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Where are you going to? It's not one o'clock -yet," asked Millicent in the small room as Lilian -silently unhooked her hat and jacket from the -clothes-cupboard.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Out."</p> -<p class="pnext">"What for?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"For Miss G., if you want to know."</p> -<p class="pnext">And she left. Except her clothes, not a thing in -the office belonged to her. She had no lien, no -attachment. The departure was as simple and complete -as leaving a Tube train. No word! No good-bye! -Merely a disappearance.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-invitation">VI</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Invitation</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">She walked a mile eastwards along Oxford Street -before entering a teashop, in order to avoid meeting -any of the girls, all of whom, except the very youngest -and the very stingiest, distributed themselves among -the neighbouring establishments for the absurdly -insufficient snack called lunch. Every place was full -just after one o'clock, and crammed at one-fifteen. -She asked for a whole meat pie instead of a half, for -she felt quite unusually hungry. A plot! That was -what it was! A plot against her, matured by Miss -G. in a few minutes out of Milly's innuendoes written -to Gertie and spoken to Miss G. herself. And the -reason of the plot was Miss G.'s spinsterish, passionate -fear of a friendship between Felix Grig and Lilian! -Lilian was ready to believe that Miss G. had -engineered the absence of both her brother and Gertie -so as to be free to work her will without the -possibility of complications. If Miss G. hated her, she -hated Miss G. with at least an equal fierceness--the -fierceness of an unarmed victim. The injustice of the -world staggered her. She thought that something -ought to be done about it. Even Lord Mackworth -was gravely to blame, for not having paid his bill. -Still, that detail had not much importance, because -Miss G., deprived of one pretext, would soon have -found another. After all that she, Lilian, had done -for the office, to be turned off at a moment's notice, -and without a character--for Miss G. would never -give a reference, and Lilian would never ask for a -reference! Never! Nor would she nor could she -approach Felix Grig; nor Gertie either. Perhaps -Felix Grig might communicate with her. He certainly -ought to do so. But then, he was very casual, -forgetful and unconsciously cruel.</p> -<p class="pnext">All the men and girls in the packed tea-shop had -work behind them and work in front of them. They -knew where they were; they had a function on the -earth. She, Lilian, had nothing, save a couple of -weeks' wages and perhaps a hundred pounds in the -Post Office Savings Bank. Resentment against her -father flickered up anew from its ashes in her -heart.</p> -<p class="pnext">How could she occupy herself after lunch? -Unthinkable for her to go to her lodging until the -customary hour, unless she could pretend to be ill; -and if she feigned illness the well-disposed slavey -would be after her and would see through the trick -at once, and it would be all over the house that -something had happened to Miss Share. The afternoon -was an enormous trackless expanse which had to be -somehow traversed by a weary and terribly discouraged -wayfarer. Her father had been in the habit of -conducting his family on ceremonial visits to the -public art galleries. She went to the Wallace Collection, -and saw how millionaires lived in the 'seventies, -and how the unchaste and lovely ladies were dressed -for whom entire populations were sacrificed in the -seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. Thence to a -cinema near the Marble Arch, and saw how virtue -infallibly wins after all.</p> -<p class="pnext">When, after travelling countless leagues of time -and ennui, she reached home she received a note from -Mr. Pladda inviting her to the Hammersmith Palais -de Danse for the following night. Mr. Pladda was -the star lodger in the house--a man of forty-five, -legally separated from his wife but of impeccable -respectability and decorum. His illusion was that he -could dance rather well. Mr. Pladda was evidently -coming on.</p> -<p class="pnext">The next morning, which was very fine, Lilian -spent in Hyde Park, marshalling her resources. -Beyond her trifling capital she had none. Especially -she had no real friends. She had unwisely cut loose -from her parents' acquaintances, and she could not -run after them now that she was in misfortune. Her -former colleagues? Out of the question! Gertie -might prove a friend, but Gertie must begin; Lilian -could not begin. Lord Mackworth? Silly idea! -She still thought of Lord Mackworth romantically. -He was an unattainable hero at about the same level -as before in her mind, for while his debts had lowered -him his advertised dissoluteness had mysteriously -raised him. (Yet in these hours and days Mr. Pladda -himself was not more absolutely respectable and -decorous, in mind and demeanour, than Lilian.) She -went to two cinemas in the afternoon, and, safe in -the darkness of the second one, cried silently.</p> -<p class="pnext">But with Mr. Pladda at the Palais de Danse she -was admirably cheerful, and Mr. Pladda was -exceedingly proud of his companion, who added refined -manners to startling beauty. She delicately praised -his dancing, whereupon he ordered lemon squashes -and tomato sandwiches. At the little table she told -him calmly that she was leaving her present situation -and taking another.</p> -<p class="pnext">Back in her room she laughed with horrid derision. -And as soon as she was in bed the clockwork mice -started to run round and round in her head. A plot! -A plot! What a burning shame! What a burning -shame! ... A few weeks earlier she had actually been -bestowing situations on pitiful applicants. Now she -herself had no situation and no prospect of any. She -had never had to apply for a situation. She had not -been educated to applying for situations. She could -not imagine herself ever applying for a situation. She -had not the least idea how to begin to try to get a -situation. She passed the greater part of Sunday in -bed, and in the evening went to church and felt -serious and good.</p> -<p class="pnext">On Monday morning she visited the Post Office -and filled up a withdrawal form for forty pounds. -She had had a notion of becoming a companion to -a rich lady, or private secretary to a member of -Parliament. She would advertise. Good clothes, worn as -she could wear them, would help her. (She could -not face another situation in an office. No, she -couldn't.) The notion of a simpleton, of course! -But she was still a simpleton. The notion, however, -was in reality only a pretext for obtaining some good -clothes. All her life she had desired more than -anything a smart dress. There was never a moment in -her life when she was less entitled to indulge herself; -but she felt desperate. She was taking to clothes as -some take to brandy. On the Wednesday she -received the money: a colossal, a marvellous sum. She -ran off with it and nervously entered a big shop in -Wigmore Street; the shop was a wise choice on her -part, for it combined smartness with a discreet and -characteristic Englishness. Impossible to have the -dangerous air of an adventuress in a frock bought at -that shop!</p> -<p class="pnext">The next few days were spent in exactly fitting -and adapting the purchases to her body. She had -expended the forty pounds and drawn out eight more. -Through the medium of the slavey she borrowed a -mirror, and fixed it at an angle with her own so that -she could see her back. She was so interested and -absorbed that she now and then neglected to feel -unhappy and persecuted. She neglected also to draw -up an advertisement, postponing that difficult matter -until the clothes should be finished. But the house -gathered that Miss Share had got her new situation. -One afternoon, early, returning home after a search -for white elastic in Hammersmith, she saw Mr. Grig -coming away from the house. She stood still, -transfixed; she flushed hotly, and descried a beneficent -and just God reigning in heaven. She knew she was -saved; and the revulsion in her was nearly overwhelming. -A miracle! And yet--not a miracle at all; for -Mr. Grig was bound by every consideration of honour -and decency to get into communication with her -sooner or later. Her doubts of his integrity had been -inexcusable.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've just left a note for you," he said, affecting -carelessness. "I brought it down myself because I -couldn't remember whether your number was 56 or -65, and I had to inquire. Moreover, it's urgent. I -want to talk to you. Will you dine with me to-night -at the Devonshire Restaurant, Jermyn Street? Eight -o'clock. I shan't be able to dress, so you could wear -a hat. Yes or no?..." He was gone again in a moment.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian literally ran upstairs to her room in order -to be alone with her ecstatic happiness. She hugged -it, kissed it, smothered it; then read the wonderful -note three times, and reviewed all her new clothes.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-avowal">VII</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Avowal</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">As Lilian armed herself for the field she discovered -that, after all her care, she had omitted to provide -several small details, the absence of each of which -seemed for a few moments in turn to be a disaster. -But on the whole she was well satisfied with the total -effectiveness. The slattern, who had been furtively -summoned, and who was made to wash her hands -before touching a hook-and-eye, expressed, in -whispers, an admiring amazement which enheartened -Lilian in spite of its uninformed quality. The girl, -as if bewitched, followed the vision down to the -front door.</p> -<p class="pnext">"If it rains you're ruined, miss," said the girl -anxiously, glancing up into the heavy darkness where -not a star was to be seen. "You ought for to have -an umbrella."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian shook her head.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It won't rain," she answered cheerfully.</p> -<p class="pnext">But as soon as she was fairly away from the house -she felt, or thought she felt, a drop of rain, and, -seeing a taxi, she impulsively hailed it, wishing to -heaven the next instant that she had not been so -audacious. For although twice with her father and -mother she had ridden in taxis on very great -occasions, she had never in her life actually taken one -by herself. Her voice failed and broke as she said -to the driver: "Devonshire Restaurant, Jermyn -Street"; but the driver was proficient in comprehension, -and the Devonshire Restaurant in Jermyn Street -seemed to be as familiar to him as Charing Cross -Station.</p> -<p class="pnext">In the taxi she collected herself. She thought she -was all right except for her lips. She knew that her -lips ought to have been slightly coloured, but she -thought she also knew what was the best lip-stick and -she had not been able to get it in Hammersmith. As -for her nails, she was glad that it had been impossible -for her to tint them. She must remember that she -was a typist, and though typists, and even discharged -typists, generally help their lips to be crimson on -state-nights, they do not usually tint their -nails--unless they have abandoned discretion.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was glad when justifying rain began to -fall. While she paid the driver at her destination, -a commissionaire held a vast umbrella over her fragile -splendour.</p> -<p class="pnext">Her legs literally shook as she entered the restaurant, -exactly as once they had shaken in an air-raid. -Within was a rich, tiny little waiting-room with a -view of the dining-room beyond. She hesitated -awkwardly, for owing to the taxi she was nearly a quarter -of an hour too early. A respectful attendant said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Are you expecting anyone, madam?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes."</p> -<p class="pnext">"What name, madam?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Mr. Grig."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh yes, madam. His table is booked."</p> -<p class="pnext">She had sat down. She could now inspect herself -in half a dozen large mirrors, and she almost ceased -to fear for her appearance. It was her deportment -and demeanour that now troubled her. In this matter -she was disturbingly aware that she had both to -unlearn and to learn. She looked through the glass -partition into the restaurant. It was small but -sumptuous; and empty of diners save for a couple of women -who were smoking and eating simultaneously. -People, chiefly in couples, kept arriving and passing -through the antechamber. She picked up a copy of -<em class="italics">What's On</em>, pretending to study it but studying the -arrivals. Then she felt a man come in and glimpsed -the attendant pointing to herself. Mr. Grig could not -entirely conceal his astonishment at the smartness of -her appearance. He had in fact not immediately -recognized her. His surprised pleasure and -appreciation gave her both pleasure and confidence.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm not late," he said, resuming rapidly his -rather quizzical matter-of-factness.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No. I was too early."</p> -<p class="pnext">The attendant took Mr. Grig's overcoat like a -sacred treasure; he was shown to be in a dark blue -suit; and they passed to the restaurant.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Anyway, he can't think I've bought these clothes -specially for this affair, because he only asked me this -afternoon."</p> -<p class="pnext">The table reserved was in a corner. Lilian had a -full view of the whole restaurant, while Mr. Grig -had a full view of nothing but Lilian. For a girl in -Lilian's situation he was an ideal host, for the reason -that he talked just as naturally--and in particular -curtly--as if they had been at the office together. -When a waiter shackled in silver approached with -the wine list, he asked:</p> -<p class="pnext">"What wine do you prefer?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Whatever you prefer," she replied, with a prompt -and delicious smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, no!" he protested. "That won't do at all. -If a woman's given the choice she ought to choose. -She must submit ideas, at any rate. Otherwise we -shall go wandering all through the wine list and -finally settle on something neither of us wants."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian had learnt a little about wines (she had -sipped often from the paternal glass), and also about -good plain cooking.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Burgundy," she said.</p> -<p class="pnext">Without another word Mr. Grig turned to the -Burgundy page, and while he was selecting Lilian -took off her gloves and gazed timidly around. It was -the silver table-lamps, each glowing under a canopy -of orange, that impressed her more than anything -else. She saw shoulders, bosoms, pearls, white -shirt-fronts, black backs--the room was still filling--all -repeated in gilt mirrors. The manner of the -numerous waiters corresponded to her notion of court -chamberlains. This was the first high-class -restaurant she had ever seen, and despite her nervousness -she felt more at home in it, more exultingly happy -in it, than anywhere before in all her existence. She -passionately loved it, and her beauty seemed to -increase in radiance. She liked to think that it was -extremely costly. Compare it to the Palais de Danse, -Mr. Pladda, and the tomato sandwiches! Ah! It -was the genuine article at last! She took surreptitious -glances also at Mr. Grig's bent face; and the face was -so strange to her, though just the same as of old, that -she might have been seeing it for the first time. The -greatness, the enormity of the occasion, frightened -her. What were they doing there together? And -what in the future would they do together? Was he -really and seriously attracted by her? Was she in -love with him? Or was it all a curious and -dangerous deception? She had always understood that -when one was in love one knew definitely that one -was in love. Whereas she was sure of nothing -whatever. Nevertheless she was uplifted into a beatific, -irrational and reckless joy. Never had she felt as she -felt while Mr. Grig was selecting the Burgundy.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Now we'd better be getting to business," said -he, when the hors <em class="italics">d'oeuvre</em> had been removed and the -soup served. "I had a letter from my sister this -morning. She wrote--wait a minute!" He pulled -a letter from his pocket and read out: "'I'm sorry -to say I've been compelled to get rid of poor Lilian -Share. She's a nice enough girl in her way, but -when you're not here I'm in charge of this office, and -as she couldn't treat me with the respect due to me, -I had to decide at once what to do, and I did decide. -I treated her generously, and I hope she'll soon get -another place. She will, of course, because she can -be so very attractive <em class="italics">when she likes</em>'--underlined--'but -I fear she isn't likely to keep it unless she -changes her style of behaviour.'" He smacked the -letter together and returned it to his pocket. "There, -you see! I'm being remarkably frank with you. I -came up from Brighton on purpose to tell you, and -I'm going, back by the last train to-night. My sister -is quite unaware of this escapade. In fact, at the -moment I'm leading a double life. Now! I've -given you one version of this mighty incident. Give -me your version."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian, troubled, looked at her mother's engagement -ring on her finger--the sole jewel she carried--and -smiled with acute restraint at her plate.</p> -<p class="pnext">"<em class="italics">Have</em> you got another situation? I suppose -not," Mr. Grig went on.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No--not yet."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Have you tried for one?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Then what are you about?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! My father left me a little money--very -little, but I'm not starving."</p> -<p class="pnext">"So I should judge.... Well, tell me all about it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I didn't mean to be rude to her--really I didn't. -It was about a small bill of Lord Mackworth's."</p> -<p class="pnext">She related the episode in detail, repeating the -conversation with marvellous exactitude, but with too -many "she saids, she saids" and "I saids, I -saids." Mr. Grig laughed when she came to the offer to pay -the bill herself, and after a moment she gave a slight -responsive smile. She was very careful not to make -or even to imply the least charge against Miss Grig, -and she accomplished the duplicity with much skill.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I can promise you one thing," said Mr. Grig. -"The moment I get back I'll see that Milly is sacked. -I cannot stick that bag of bones."</p> -<p class="pnext">"<em class="italics">Please</em> don't!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"You don't want me to?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian shook her head slowly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"All right, then. I won't. Now I'll tell you the -whole business in a nutshell. My sister's a great -woman. She's perfectly mad, but she's a great -woman. Only where I'm concerned she's always -most monstrously unscrupulous. I'm her religion--always -was, but more than ever since I bought that -amusing business. She was dying of boredom. It -saved her. When I got myself divorced she was -absolutely delighted. She had me to herself again. -Her jealousy where I'm concerned is ferocious. She -can't help it, but it's ferocious. Tigresses aren't in -it with her. She was jealous of you, and she'd -determined to clear you out. I've perceived that for a -long time."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But why should she be jealous of me? I'm sure -I've never----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, she's damned clever, Isabel is, and she's -seen that I'm in love with you. Gone--far gone!"</p> -<p class="pnext">He spoke with strange detachment, as of another -person.</p> -<p class="pnext">The thud-thud of Lilian's heart appalled her. She -blushed down to her neck. Her hand shook. The -restaurant and all its inhabitants vanished in a cloud -and then slowly reappeared. Her confusion of mind -was terrible. She was shocked, outraged, by the -negligently brutal candour of the avowal; and at the -same time she was thinking: "I'd no idea that any -man was as marvellous as this man is, and I don't -think there can possibly be another man quite as -marvellous anywhere. And his being in love with -me is the most ravishing, lovely, tender--tender--tender -thing that ever happened to any girl. And, -of course, he is in love with me. He's not pretending. -<em class="italics">He</em> would never pretend...."</p> -<p class="pnext">She wanted to be unconscious for a little while. -She did not know it, but her beautiful face was -transfigured by the interplay of shyness, modesty, soft -resentment, gratitude, ecstasy and determination. -Her head was bowed and she could not raise it. -Neither could she utter a single word. She looked -divine, and thought she looked either silly or sulky. -Mr. Grig glanced aside. A glimpse of paradise had -dazzled the eternal youth in him. The waiter bore -away the soup-plates.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Perhaps that's enough about business for the -present," said Mr. Grig at length. "Let's talk about -something else. But before we start I must just tell -you you're the most stylish creature in this restaurant. -I was staggered when I came in and saw you. -Staggered!"</p> -<p class="pnext">She did raise her head.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why?" she asked with exquisite gentleness.</p> -<p class="pnext">Mr. Grig, overwhelmed, offered no response.</p> -<p class="pnext">As for her determination, it amounted to this: "I -will be as marvellous as he is. I will be more -marvellous. I will be queen, slave, everything. He doesn't -guess what is in store for him." She did not think -about the difference in their ages, nor about marriage; -nor did she even consider whether or not she was in -love with him. Chiefly, she was grateful. And what -she saw in front of her was a sublime vocation. Her -mood was ever so faintly tinged with regret because -they were not both in evening dress.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="philosophy-of-the-grey-haired">VIII</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Philosophy of the Grey-haired</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">The evening and all Lilian's emotions seemed to start -afresh. The look of the restaurant was changed. -The tables had been cleared of the grosser apparatus -of eating, and showed white cloths with only white -plates, fruit, small glasses, small cups, ash-trays. -Most of the waiters had vanished; the remainder stood -aside, moveless, inobtrusive, watchful. The diners -had abandoned themselves to intimacy or the sweet -coma of digestion. Some talked rather loudly, others -in a murmur. Women leaned back, or put their -elbows on the table, letting cigarette smoke float -upwards across their eyes. A few tables were already -deserted, and the purity of their emptiness seemed -bafflingly to demonstrate that events may happen and -leave behind absolutely no trace. Without -consulting Lilian Mr. Grig gave an order and two small -glasses were slowly filled to the brim with a green -liquid. Lilian recognized it for the very symbol of -delicate licence. She was afraid to sip, lest she -might be disillusioned concerning it, and also lest -the drinking of it might malignly hasten the -moment of departure of the last train for -Brighton.</p> -<p class="pnext">Mr. Grig was of those who murmured. His wrists -lay one over the other on the table and his face was -over the table; and it seemed strange, so low and -even was his speech, that Lilian could catch every -word, as she did. The people at the next table could -have heard nothing. All the animation and variety -were in his features, none in his tone. He had been -telling her about Brighton. He saw the town of -Brighton as a living, developing whole, discussing -it as a single organism, showing how its evolution -was still in active process, and making the small -group of men who were exploiting it and directing -it appear like creative giants and the mass of -inhabitants like midgets utterly unconscious of their own -manipulation. And in his account of the vast affair -there was no right and no wrong; there were merely -the dark aims and the resolution of the giants -determined to wax in power and to imprint themselves on -the municipality. Lilian had never heard such -revealing talk; she could not follow all of it, but she -was fascinated, wonderstruck; profoundly impressed -by the quality of the brain opposite to her and the -contemptibleness of her own ignorance of life; amazed -and enraptured that this brain could be interested in -herself. Mr. Grig related the story of the middle-aged -proprietor of one of the chief hotels who had -married a young wife.</p> -<p class="pnext">"He had broken up his family, and the family is -the real unit of society--and there was no need for it! -No need at all! But then, you see, he'd never had -time in his existence to understand that a middle-aged -man who has already had experience of marriage and -marries a girl young enough to be his daughter is -either a coward or a fool or without taste. He would -only do it because he's mad for her, and that's the -very reason for not doing it. When romance comes -in that way it wants the sauce of secrecy and -plotting--the double life, and so on. The feeling of -naughtiness--naughtiness is simply a marvellous feeling; -you must sometimes have guessed that, haven't -you?--perversity, doing society in the eye. It's a -continual excitement. Of course, it needs cleverness on -both sides. You haven't got to be clumsy over it. -The woman runs risks, but nothing to the risks she'd -run in marriage. And if the thing dies out in her, -and they haven't been clumsy, she's free as air to start -again. She's got her experience gratis, and there's -a mysterious flavour about her that's nearly the most -enticing flavour on earth. Naturally people will talk. -Let 'em. No harm in rumour. In fact, the more -rumour the better." He went on with no pause. -"You've not looked at me for about five hours. Look -at me now and tell me you're disgusted. Tell me -you're frightened."</p> -<p class="pnext">She lifted her eyes and gazed at him for a few -seconds, not smiling. Her skin tingled and crept. -Then she sipped the crême de menthe and at first it -tasted just like water.</p> -<p class="pnext">"A woman wants making. Only a man can make -a woman. She has to be formed. She can't do it -herself. A young man may be able to do it, but -he's like a teacher who swots up the night before -what he has to teach the next day. And he's a -fearful bungler, besides being cruel--unconsciously. -Whereas an older man, a much older man--he -knows! It's a unique chance for both of them. She -has so much to give, and she has so much to learn. -It's a fair bargain. Perhaps the woman has a little -the best of it. Because after all she loses nothing -that it isn't her business to lose--and the man -may--well, he may kill himself. And the chance for a -clever girl to be 'made' without any clumsiness! -What a chance! ... Well, I won't say <em class="italics">which</em> of 'em -has the best of it.... I'm speaking impartially. If -you live to be as old as Ninon de l'Enclos you'll -never meet a more honest man than I am."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian felt intoxicated, but not with the Burgundy -nor with the crême de menthe. Rather with sudden -fresh air. She thought: "Be careful! Be careful! -You aren't yourself. Something queer's come over -you." She was not happy. She was alarmed. Once -before she had been alarmed by herself, but this time -she was really alarmed. She was glad that she had -always despised boys of her own age. What did -Mr. Grig mean by saying that a man might kill -himself? She didn't know.... Yes, she knew.... -She saw clearly that a woman must be formed by a -man, and that until she was formed she would not be -worthy of herself. She longed ardently to be formed. -As she stood she was futile. She could exercise no -initiative, make use of no opportunities; and her best -wisdom was to remain negative--in order to avoid -mistakes. Something that looked like a woman but -wasn't one. She had the intelligence to realize how -insipid she was. Ambition surged through her anew -and with fresh power.</p> -<p class="pnext">Mr. Grig drove her home, and the taxi was a little -dark vibrating room in which they were alone -together, and safe from all scrutiny. She was -painfully constrained.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," said Mr. Grig, after an interminable -silence. "My sister was quite right."</p> -<p class="pnext">"What about?" Lilian asked in a child's voice.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm in love. What are you going to do about -it?" He turned his head impulsively towards her, -gazed at her in the dim twilight of the taxi, and then -kissed her. In spite of herself she yearned to give, -and the yearning thrilled her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please! Please!" she murmured in modest, -gentle, passive protest.</p> -<p class="pnext">Another pause.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shall write to you to-morrow," he said. "In -the meantime, believe me, you're entirely marvellous." He -was looking straight in front of him at the driver's -shaggy shoulders. That was all that occurred, except -the handshake.</p> -<p class="pnext">When she let herself into the house the servant -was just going upstairs to bed, after her usual -sixteen-hour day.</p> -<p class="pnext">"So you're back, miss."</p> -<p class="pnext">"No!" thought Lilian. "It's somebody else -that's come back. The girl you mean will never -come back."</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="in-the-hotel">PART III</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">I</p> -<p class="center large pnext">In the Hotel</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Felix came quietly through the communicating door -into Lilian's shuttered and close room. Between the -two bedrooms was a bathroom. All the bedrooms in -the hotel seemed to be designed on the same plan--too -high, too long, too narrow, with the head of the -bed behind the door and directly facing the window; -a wardrobe, a dressing-table, a washstand, a -writing-table, an easy chair (under the window), two cane -chairs, a night-table, and two electric lights so -devilishly arranged that they could not be persuaded -to burn simultaneously; a carpet overgrown with -huge, gorgeous flowers, and the walls overgrown with -huge, gorgeous flowers of another but equally mirific -plant. Outside the bedroom a bell rang at short -intervals--all the guests in the neighbourhood -performed, according to their idiosyncrasies, on the same -bell--and slippered feet of servants rushing to and fro -in the corridor shook the planks of Lilian's floor as -they passed.</p> -<p class="pnext">Amid the obscurity of the room Lilian's curved -form, lying heaped on its side, and rather like a -miniature mountain that sloped softly down towards -the head and towards the feet, could be vaguely -deciphered in the bed; and hillocks of attire, some -pale, others coloured, some fragile and diaphanous, -others resistant to the world's peering, lay dimly about -on chairs and even on the writing-table. The air, -exhausted by the night, had a faint and delicate -odour that excited, but did not offend, Felix's -nostrils.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is it time to get up?" Lilian murmured in the -voice of a sleepy child.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No."</p> -<p class="pnext">Her brain slowly came to life. Flitting in and out -of her happiness there were transient apprehensions--not -about the morality, but about the security, of her -situation. They disappeared, all except one, as soon -as she looked firmly at them, because she had the -most perfect confidence in Felix's good faith. The -unity of the pair had begun in London, under -conditions provided by Felix, who, however, did not -care for them, and who had decided that he would -take her away for a holiday in order that they might -both reflect upon and discuss at length the best -method of organizing a definite secret existence.</p> -<p class="pnext">It was during the preliminaries to the departure -that she had been specially struck by his -straightforwardness. He would have no wangling with -passports. She must travel as herself. She could think -of no acquaintance qualified to sign the application -for her passport. It was Felix's suggestion that she -should go to the Putney doctor who had attended her -father and mother. The pair had travelled separately -on the same <em class="italics">train de luxe</em>, for which, with Felix's -money, she bought her own ticket. The cost of the -ticket and the general expensiveness of the purchases -which Felix insisted on her making had somewhat -frightened her. He reassured her by preaching the -relativity of all things. "You must alter your -scale--it needs only an effort of the imagination," he had -said; and explained to her his financial status. She -learned that he had an independent income, and his -sister another though much smaller independent -income, and that the typewriting business was a -diversion, though a remunerative one; also that an -important cash bonus just received from an insurance policy -enabled him to be profuse without straining his -ordinary resources.</p> -<p class="pnext">She had trembled at the reception office of the -great hotel, but Felix, laughing at her fears, accomplished -all formalities for her quite openly, and indeed -the discreet incuriosity of the hotel officials fully -confirmed the soundness of his attitude. Ignoring the -description on the passport, he had told her to sign -as "Madame," and he threw out negligently that she -was his cousin. This was his sole guile. Before -going upstairs he had written out a telegram and -shown it to her. It was to his sister, to say that he -had arrived safely and sent his love. "She has to -be deceived," he murmured, "but she's got to be -treated decently. It was all I could do to keep her -from coming to see me off at Victoria!" He smiled. -Lilian was impressed. When Lilian found that -Felix's bedroom stood next to her bathroom her -anxieties were renewed. Felix laughed again, and -rang, for the door between the bathroom and his -bedroom was locked. In a few minutes a dark and -stoutish chambermaid entered with a pleasant, -indulgent, comprehending gravity, and unlocked the door. -"What is your name?" he asked. "Jacqueline, monsieur," -she replied, and cordially accepted a twenty-franc -note from him. It was all so simple, so natural, -so un-English, so enheartening. In two hours they -had settled down. All the embarrassing preludes to -the closest intimacy had been amply achieved in -London.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian stretched herself voluptuously, murmured -with a magnificent yawn, "Ah! How I have slept!" -and, slipping out of bed, padded unshod up the room -to Felix, who sat passive in the easy chair. She took -the bearings of his shape in the gloom, and dropped -lightly on to his knees.</p> -<p class="pnext">"What am I sitting on?" she exclaimed, startled.</p> -<p class="pnext">"My newspapers."</p> -<p class="pnext">Touched by the fact that he had been waiting to -read his beloved papers until she should be ready to -rise, she threw her arms passionately round his neck -and crushed her face into his. Daily it became -clearer to her that he adored her; and yet she could -scarcely believe it, because she felt so young--even -childish--and so crude and insipid. She determined -with a whole-souled resolve that renewed itself every -hour to stop at nothing to please him.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Do I make you happy?" she whispered -almost inarticulately, her lips being buried in his -cheek.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You do."</p> -<p class="pnext">After a moment she sprang up, seized her thin, -loose, buttonless dressing-gown, and having somehow -got into it, opened the window and violently pushed -back the shutters. Strong sunlight rushed blazing -into the room like an army into a city long besieged -and at last fallen. Millions of buoyant motes were -revealed, and all the minutest details of the chamber. -Lilian looked out. There were the shady gardens of -the hotel, the white promenade with strolling visitors -in pale costumes, the calm ultramarine Mediterranean, -the bandstand far to the right emitting inaudible -music, the yellow casino, beyond the casino the jetty -with its group of white yachts, and, distant on either -side, noble and jagged mountains, some of them -snow-capped. Incredible! She heard Felix moving -within the room, and turned her head.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Darling, what are you doing?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ringing for your coffee."</p> -<p class="pnext">"What time is it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Haven't the least."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But your watch?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Haven't got it on."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you're all dressed."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Haven't put my things in my pockets."</p> -<p class="pnext">She clasped his arm and led him silently through -the bathroom into his own bedroom, and up to -the night-table, the drawer of which she pulled -open. All his "things" were arranged carefully -therein.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! Men are funny!" she laughed.</p> -<p class="pnext">The number and the variety of the articles they -carried in their innumerable pockets!</p> -<p class="pnext">"<em class="italics">I</em> will put your things in your pockets," she said, -and began to do so.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Wrong!" he would protest from time to time; -but he would give no positive direction, and she had -to discover the proper pocket by experiment. It was -a most wonderful operation, and it deliciously -illustrated the exotic, incomprehensible, exquisite -curiousness of men. She was proud of having thought of -it, and proud of the pleasure in his face. As she -glanced at the watch her brow puckered.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shall be frightfully late!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It is impossible to be late where time does not -exist."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is that Jacqueline with my coffee?" she said, -listening, and ran back to her room, pulling him after -her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Yes, she admitted she was a perfect child, but she -could not help it. While she drank the coffee he -put on his eyeglasses and opened the newspapers, -one English, one French. She went into the -bathroom.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Felix! Felix!" she called presently from the -bathroom. "Bring me in that soft towel I've left on -the chair by the writing-table."</p> -<p class="pnext">Then she returned to the bedroom and did her -abundant glossy chestnut hair, and by innumerable -small stages dressed. He was reading his papers, but -she knew that he was also watching her, and she loved -him to watch her dress, from the first stage to the -last. She was too young to have anything to conceal, -and his pleasure, which he tried to mask, was so -obvious. He dropped <em class="italics">The Times</em> and turned to the -French paper.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Felix, do you know what?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"What?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm frightfully ashamed of not being able to -speak French. If I could only speak it a quarter as -well as you do."</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's nothing. I couldn't say two words -without a Frenchman knowing instantly that I wasn't -French."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But you can talk it so quickly. Couldn't I have -someone in here every morning to teach me for an -hour? People do. I could get up earlier."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Certainly not," Felix replied. "If you did you'd -have something to be late for. You'd bring time -into existence and spoil everything. Besides, -learning French is hard work. You wouldn't learn it by -instinct, as you learn clothes. And you aren't here -for hard work. Learn French by all means, but not -in this place. London's the place for hard work. -Exercise your sense of the fitness of things, my clever -girl."</p> -<p class="pnext">She did not fully understand this philosophy, but -she accepted it admiringly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"What dress would you like me to wear, -darling?" She was at the wardrobe.</p> -<p class="pnext">"That white one."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Then I shall have to change my stockings."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, the yellow one, then. It doesn't matter."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course it matters," she said with earnestness, -sitting down religiously, fanatically, to change her -stockings. "Don't you know that I don't want -anything in the world except to please you? I only -wanted to learn French so you shouldn't have to be -ashamed of me."</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-big-yacht">II</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Big Yacht</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">After lunching to music beneath a vast parasol in -the hotel garden, which looked like a tented field, -they were bowed away by servitors in black and white, -and bowed into the hotel by servitors in blue and -gold, and bowed along the central artery of the hotel -by apprentice-servitors in scarlet, and bowed out of -the hotel again on to the promenade by servitors in -blue and gold. It was half-past two; the glorious -sun was already slipping down; they had done -absolutely nothing, and yet they had not wasted a -moment; and on the faces of all the many-coloured -servitors there was the smiling assurance that they -had been admirably exerting themselves in full -correctness, and had not a moment to waste if they -honestly desired to pursue idleness as idleness ought -to be pursued. Indeed, the winter day was too short -for the truly conscientious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Your little fur?" exclaimed Felix, who was -wearing his overcoat; he stopped.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But, darling, I'm far too hot as it is!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"In an hour the day will be gone," said he, and -insisted on the treachery of the climate.</p> -<p class="pnext">He frequently insisted on the treachery of the -climate. If he happened to cough ever so slightly, -he would say that the entire Riviera was bad for the -throat and that a sore throat was the most dangerous -complaint known to man. Lilian indulgently thought -him fussy about her health and his own and the -awful menaces of the exquisite climate; but she did -not attribute his fussiness to his age; she regarded -him as merely happening to be a bit fussy on certain -matters. Nor did she regret the fussiness, for it gave -her new occasions to please him and (in her heart) to -condescend femininely towards him.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shan't need it----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please! I'll fetch it, and I'll carry it. No! -You stay there."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But do you know where it is, Felix?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I know where it is." His voice had become very -firm and somewhat tyrannic.</p> -<p class="pnext">She stood on the pavement, put up her orange -sunshade, and mused contentedly upon his prodigious -care for her--proof of his passionate attachment. -People were passing in both directions all the time on -the broad <em class="italics">digue</em> beyond the roadway. Some strolled -in complete possession of idleness; others hurried -after it, with tools such as tennis rackets to help them. -Nearly all, men and women, stared at her as they -passed, until at length she turned round and faced -the revolving door of the hotel.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! <em class="italics">Thank</em> you, dearest; you're spoiling me -horribly. Do let me take it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I will not. Of course I am spoiling you. That -is what you're here for. Your highest duty in life is -to be spoiled. Let's go on the Mole."</p> -<p class="pnext">They set off. A dark man, overdressed in striped -flannels, nearly stood still at the sight of Lilian, -gazing at her as though he had paid five francs for -the right to do so.</p> -<p class="pnext">"My goodness!" she muttered. "How they do stare here!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why grudge them harmless enjoyment," Felix -observed. "You're giving pleasure to every man -that looks at you, and envy to most of the women. -You're fulfilling a very valuable function in the world, -If anyone is justified in objecting, I am, and I don't -object. On the contrary, I'm as proud of the staring -as if I'd created you. There's nothing to beat you -on this coast, with your ingenuous English style of -beauty, and half the pretty women here would sell -their souls to look as innocent as you <em class="italics">look</em>, believe me!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian said nothing in reply. The fact was that -the man simply could not open his mouth without -giving her more to think about than she could -manage.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the quay they examined all the yachts, big and -little, that were moored, stern on, side by side. There -were three large steam yachts, and the largest of the -three, with two decks and a navigating deck, all -white and gold and mahogany and bunting and -flowers and fluttering awnings, overpoweringly -dominated the port. Felix stopped and stared at the -glinting enormity.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is that only a yacht?" Lilian cried. "Why! -It's bigger than the Channel steamer!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No!" said Felix, "but she's the fourth largest -yacht in the world. That's the celebrated <em class="italics">Qita</em>. -Crew of eighty odd. She came in last night for -stores, and she's leaving again to-night, going to -Naples. And here are the stores, you may depend." A -lorry loaded with cases of wine drove up.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But it's all like a fairy tale," said Lilian.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, it is. And so are you. You see, the point -is that she's just about the finest of her kind. And -so are you. She costs more than you to run, of -course. A machine like that can't be run on less than -a thousand pounds a week. Come along. Who's -staring now?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"A thousand pounds a <em class="italics">week</em>!" Lilian murmured, -aghast. Her imagination resembled that of a person -who, on reaching a summit which he has taken for -the top of the range, sees far higher peaks beyond. -And the conviction that those distant peaks were -unattainable saddened her for a moment. "It's -absolutely awful."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why awful? If you have the finest you must -pay for it. A thousand a week's nothing to that -fellow. Moreover, he's a British citizen, and he did -splendid service for his country in the war. Among -other things, he owns two of the best brands of -champagne. The War Office gave him a commission and -a car; and he travelled all over Europe selling his -own champagne at his own price to officers' messes. -After all, officers couldn't be expected to fight -without the drinks they're accustomed to, could they?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian obscurely divined irony. She often wished -that she could be ironical and amusing, as Felix was; -but she never could. She couldn't conceive how it -was done.</p> -<p class="pnext">They reached the Mole, which was quite deserted, -being off the map of correctness, and surveyed the -entire scene--ships, blue water, white hotels, casino, -villas, green wooded slopes all faint in the haze, and -rising sharply out of the haze the lofty line of snow. -In the immediate foreground, almost under their feet, -was a steel collier from the north. Along the whole -length of the ship carts were drawn up and cranes -were creaking, and grimy ragged men hurried sweating -to drop basketfuls of coal into the carts, and full -carts were always departing and empty carts always -coming. The activity seemed breathless, feverish and -without the possibility of end--so huge was the -steamer and so small were the pair-horse carts.</p> -<p class="pnext">Two yacht's officers passed in shiny blue with gilt -buttons and facings. Growled one:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, and how the hell do they expect me to keep -my ship clean with this thing between me and the -weather?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," agreed the other. "How in hell do they? -Why they don't make 'em unload somewhere else -beats me."</p> -<p class="pnext">Then Felix and Lilian turned seawards and -watched the everlasting patience of the fishers on the -rocks below.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Better put your fur on," said Felix suddenly.</p> -<p class="pnext">She put it on.</p> -<p class="pnext">Returning to the quay Lilian could not keep her -eyes off the superb yacht. But in a moment she bent -them suddenly and quickened her pace.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're feeling chilly," said Felix triumphantly. -"The sun's got behind the fort."</p> -<p class="pnext">On the lower deck of the yacht, under an awning -and amid easy chairs and cushions, she had seen a -tall man earnestly engaged in conversation with a -young and pretty girl. She thought the man was -Lord Mackworth. She felt sure it was Lord -Mackworth. She wanted to turn her head and make -certain, but she dared not lest he should see her. She -was blushing. There was nothing whatever in the -brief relations between Lord Mackworth and herself -to which the slightest exception could be taken by the -strictest moralist. Yet she was blushing. She blushed -because of the dreams she had once had concerning -him. Her old, forgotten thoughts, which nobody on -earth could ever have guessed, made her into a kind of -criminal. It was very strange. Perhaps also she -feared a little what Lord Mackworth might think of -her if he saw her in that place, in those clothes, with -a man much older than herself. How inexpressibly -fortunate that the yacht was leaving that night! -Instead of looking over her shoulder at Lord -Mackworth, she looked over her shoulder at Felix, to -reassure herself about her deep fondness for him and -about his reliability in even the greatest crises.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I love him," she reflected, "because he is so -marvellously clever and kind and dependable and -just, and because he worships me--I don't know why."</p> -<p class="pnext">But she was devoted to him because he had picked -her out of a batch and opened her eyes to the apple -on the tree and made her eat it, and because she had -worked and watched and suffered for him in the office, -and been cast out of the office for him, and because -of a funny enigmatic look in his wrinkled eyes. She -would have liked him just the same if he had been -cruel and undependable and had not worshipped her. -And she desired ardently to be still more and more -beautiful and luxurious for him, and more and more -to be stared at for him, and to render him still happier -and happier. She was magnificently ready to kill -him with bliss.</p> -<p class="pnext">After several hundred yards she turned round and -looked at the yacht. No figures were distinguishable -now on the deck. She thought captiously:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I wonder who that doll was and what they were -talking about with their heads so close together."</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-casino">III</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Casino</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian, in a <em class="italics">negligé</em>, was somnolently stretched out -in the easy chair in her room when Felix peeped in. -He looked at her enquiringly in silence for a moment, -and she gave him a hazy smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh!" he said. "Then you won't feel like going -into the Casino to-night after all?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Nothing to stop me," she replied, with a peculiar -intonation, light and yet anxious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Hurrah!" exclaimed Felix very gaily, almost -boyishly. "Then we'll go."</p> -<p class="pnext">The apprehension which now for two days had -been eating like a furtive cancer into her mind -suddenly grew and contaminated the whole of her -consciousness; she could not understand his levity, for -she had not concealed from him the sinister misgiving.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes!" she murmured with a sort of charming -and victimized protest. "That's all very well, -but----" And she stopped, and the smile expired from -her face.</p> -<p class="pnext">He shrugged his shoulders, gave a short, -affectionate, humouring laugh, and said with kind -superiority, utterly positive:</p> -<p class="pnext">"What have I told you? The thing's absolutely -imposs!"</p> -<p class="pnext">And just as suddenly she was quite reassured and -the apprehension vanished away. It could not exist -against his perfect certitude. She lit up a new smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Look here," he went on, "we'll dine in the -Casino if we can. Of course, every blessed table may -be booked, but I'll have a try."</p> -<p class="pnext">A quarter of an hour later, when she had begun -to dress, he returned with the exciting information -that, at precisely the right instant, somebody had -telephoned to countermand an inside table and he had -secured it.</p> -<p class="pnext">They arrived very late in the Casino restaurant, -yet more diners came after them than had come -before, so that ultimately it would have been difficult -to draw a straight line between dinner and supper. -The stars in the arched firmament of the vast and -lofty hall challenged the stars of heaven in number -and splendour, and seemed to win easily. Light fell -in glittering floods on the flowered tables and on the -shoulders of the women. In the centre of the floor was -an oblong parquet sacred to dancing. The band, in -which Englishmen and varied dagoes were mingled, -sat, clothed apparently in surplices, on a daïs in a -mighty alcove. The drummer and the banjoist each -procured an unnatural union of light and sound by -electric illumination of their instruments from within. -The leader wore a battered opera hat, and at the end -of a piece he would exclaim grimly and scornfully, -"So that's that!" or, "We are the goods!" or some -such phrase. Now and then the band overflowed -into song, and the wild chants of the Marquesas or -the Fiji Islands rang riotously through the correctness -of the restaurant, and Lilian caught fragments -of significant verse, such as:</p> -<blockquote> -<div> -<div class="line-block outermost"> -<div class="line">"The rich get rich,</div> -<div class="line">And the poor get children,</div> -<div class="line">Ain't we got fun?"</div> -</div> -</div> -</blockquote> -<p class="pfirst">showing that one touch of nature makes the Southern -archipelago the very sister and bride of Europe.</p> -<p class="pnext">The primary mission of the band was to induce a -general exultant gaiety; and the mission was -accomplished, nobody understood how. Lilian exulted in -the food, the wine, the glitter, the noise, the wise, -humorous face of Felix, and the glances which -assailed her on every hand. All care fell away from -her. She forgot the future, and the whole of her -vitality concentrated itself intensely in the moment. -Most of the conversation at neighbouring tables was -in English, and it was all about gambling, dancing, -golf, lawn-tennis, polo, cards, racing, trains de luxe, -clothes, hotels, prices, and women. Even in the -incomprehensible French gabble that reached her she -could distinguish words like "golf," and "bridge," -and "picnic."</p> -<p class="pnext">Then four elegant, waisted young men appeared -mysteriously from nowhere and approached certain -tables and bowed with an assured air, and instantly -four elegant young women rose up, without being -asked, and the professional couples began to display -to the amateurs the true art of the dance. Lilian -had never seen such dancing.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why are they all Spanish girls?" she innocently -asked, struck by the rich, dark skin of the women.</p> -<p class="pnext">"They're no more Spanish than you are," said -Felix. "You perceive that one there. She's at our -hotel, on our floor, and I've seen her as blonde as a -Norwegian. The dark olive is the result of strange -cosmetics, and a jolly fine result, too. Nothing finer -has been invented for a century. It's so perverse. -Don't you like it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I think it's lovely!" she agreed with enthusiasm, -also with a vague envy.</p> -<p class="pnext">Later, when the senoritas had left their partners -and resumed their interrupted meals, and the parquet -was empty again, she said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I do really think it's awful, all this! It's so -expensive, everything; and it's all for pleasure. The -whole town's for pleasure." In the background she -had a vision of her working life, with its discipline -and cast-iron hours and wristlets and fatigue and -privations and penury. The click of the typewriter, -the green-shaded lamps, the Tube, the cold bedroom, -the washing and sewing done in the cold bedroom! -The blue working frock with its pathetic red line of -clumsy embroidery!</p> -<p class="pnext">"What about Margate?" Felix demanded quietly.</p> -<p class="pnext">She was nonplussed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! But that's different!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It is. It's not half as good. You must remember -there's nothing new in all this. It's been going on in -the Mediterranean for thousands of years, and it's -likely to go on for thousands of years more. It's -what human nature is. What are you going to do -about it? Would you abolish luxury and pleasure? -Not you. Do you imagine that God created the -shores of the Mediterranean and this climate for -anything else but this? What frightens you is the -tremendous organization and concentration of the -affair. Nothing else. And let me tell you that this -town is the most interesting town on the coast just -now. The fellow that's got the new concession for -the casino is a bit of a genius. He's moulding the -place into something fresh. It used to be the -primmest place on earth. He discovered that the -English don't want to be prim any more; he showed -them to themselves. Do you suppose all these women -began to come here on their own? They're pawns in -his great game. He brought them; but no nice-minded -person asks how, nor whether they really pay -for their meals or their rooms, nor how they manage -to encourage big gambling in the baccarat rooms. -This fellow has put the wind up to the next town up -the coast: it used to be the most corrupt town in the -whole of Europe, that place used to be! And now -the rival genius there is introducing large families of -children and nurses there in the hope of persuading -the English that they prefer to be prim and domestic -after all. The fact is these two geniuses are gambling -against one another for far bigger stakes than any -of the baccarat maniacs. It's a battle for the -command of the coast. That's what it is. You don't -get the hang of it all at once; but you will in time. -Let's dance."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was startled by the invitation, for they had -not yet danced together. She remembered how, on -that night when he first talked to her about herself, -he had known that she was being deprived of an -evening's dancing. They stood up as the chicken -was being removed. She smiled at him with fresh -admiration. He had impregnated her with new ideas; -he had reassured her; he had justified her enjoyment; -he was amazing; he was mad about her, in his -restrained style; and now he would surprisingly dance -with her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Although they took the floor early in the dance, -when only two other couples had begun to dance, it -was impossible for her to be nervous within his arm. -Half the room gazed at her, for she had attracted -attention from the first. She knew that half the room -was gazing at her, and she liked it. She guessed -that half the room was saying: "Look at that fresh -young creature who's with that middle-aged -man--she must be really very young." And she liked it. -She liked to show herself with the man who was more -than old enough to be her father, worn by knowledge -and experience and the corrupting of the world; to -contrast her untried simplicity--the bloom of the -virginal scarcely gone from it--with his grey hairs -and his wrinkled, disillusioned, passive eyes. She -was happy in the thought that everybody knew that -she must have given herself to him, and that there -was something strange, sinister, and even odious in -her abandonment. He had used the word -"perverse." She did not wholly understand the word, but -it appealed to her, and for her it expressed her mood.</p> -<p class="pnext">She had noticed, in the room, how the women no -longer unquestionably young were more consciously -and carefully charming towards their men, receiving -adulation but rendering it back; whereas the -unquestionably young were more negligent and far more -egotistic. And so she behaved like one no longer -unquestionably young. She glanced up at her -partner with ravishing, ecstatic smiles; she publicly -adored him. And she was glad that her green and -gold frock with its long arm-holes was not of the -Wigmore Street cut, but quite other in origin and -spirit and in its effect upon the imagination.</p> -<p class="pnext">The dancing had by this time become general, but -the olive-tinted temptresses were still prominent in -the throng, and sometimes she touched them in the -curves of the dance. She knew where they beat her -and where she beat them. And it was vouchsafed -to her from the eyes of Felix that she was lovely and -marvellous. She felt intensely, inexpressibly happy, -and more than happy--triumphant. Her quiet, -obstinate resentment against the domestic policy of -her father died out, and she forgave him as she -danced. She thought with a secret sigh almost -painful in its relief:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Thank God I have fulfilled myself and succeeded -not too late!"</p> -<p class="pnext">She had premonitions of power, a foretaste of -dominion. Felix was hers. She could influence him. -She could re-make him. And for the thousandth -time she breathed to him in her soul: "I have made -you happy, but I will make you more happy--infinitely -more happy. You don't know yet what I am -capable of." He danced very correctly and quite -nicely,--rather stiff, of course, but with a certain -clever abandonment of his body to the rhythm. She -thought: "With what women did he learn to dance? -He must have danced a lot. Never will I ask! -Never!" The fox-trot ended.</p> -<p class="pnext">As they were crossing the floor to their table she -saw Lord Mackworth dining with a man older than -himself at a table near the windows. She sat down -to the sweet. He had caught sight of her and was -looking at her fixedly. She stared at him for a -moment with the casually interested stare of -non-recognition, perfectly executed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"The yacht hasn't left, then, after all," she -reflected, and to Felix: "Did that big yacht leave -to-night?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No," said Felix. "I heard they'd changed their -minds." Felix had the faculty of hearing everything.</p> -<p class="pnext">In spite of herself Lilian was disturbed.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="chemin-de-fer">IV</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Chemin de Fer</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">When Felix said that of course they must visit the -baccarat rooms she vaguely acquiesced. A mood of -the old apprehension had mysteriously succeeded her -exultation; she wanted to exorcise it and couldn't. -She would have tried to dance the gloom away, but -Felix did not suggest another dance; she understood -that he had danced once because it was proper for an -enlightened amateur of life to forgo no sensation, -and that he would not dance again unless asked. -She would not ask. He had given her a cigarette and -a liqueur; she had accepted a second liqueur and then -declined it, afraid of it and anxious for her reputation -in his eyes. There were formalities to accomplish at -the entrance to the baccarat rooms--forms to be filled -up and money to be paid.</p> -<p class="pnext">"They make a small charge for emptying your -pockets," said Felix. "They pretend to be rather -particular about their victims."</p> -<p class="pnext">The select rooms were crowded. Every table in -the blazing interior had round it a thick ring of sitters -and standers, and many people were walking to and -fro, disappointed or hopeful. By tiptoeing and -supporting herself on Felix's shoulder Lilian could just -see the green cloth of a table, like the floor of a pit -whose walls were bodies elegant in evening dress; it -was littered with white, rose, and green counters, -banknotes, cards, ash-trays, cigarette cases, and -vanity bags. More women were seated than men. -A single croupier dominated and ruled the game. -Cards and counters were thrown about from side to -side.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It seems frightfully exciting," murmured Lilian, -scarcely audible, into the ear of Felix.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It is," said Felix gruffly. "It's the real thing, -you know, gambling is. When people lose they lose -real money, and when they win, ditto. You can -genuinely ruin yourself here. There's no sham about -it. You may go out without even your fare home." He -offered these remarks separately, between -considerable pauses.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Is baccarat easy to learn?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Very. But not here--and this isn't baccarat. -This is <em class="italics">chemin de fer</em>--equally easy, though. I'll get -a pack of cards at the hotel and teach you. It's -<em class="italics">chemin de fer</em> at every table. I suppose that's why -they call the rooms 'baccarat'?"</p> -<p class="pnext">He was edging nearer the croupier. A stout, -middle-aged woman whose flesh seemed to be -insecurely and inadequately confined within frail silk -rose from her chair, gathering up bag and cigarette -case--all that remained to her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Sit down here and keep the chair for me," -Felix said sharply, and pushed Lilian into the seat.</p> -<p class="pnext">Everybody gazed at her, and her constraint showed -the conviction that everybody guessed she had never -sat at a gaming-table before. Felix had vanished, -and she was thrown with her arresting, innocent -beauty upon the envious and jealous world. He had -gone to exchange notes for counters, but she did not -know. After a moment that was an hour he returned -and took the seat.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You stand behind me and watch," said he. "And -when you get bored walk about and see things for -yourself, and when you need moral support again -come and put your hand on my chair. I'll stop -playing whenever you tell me." He spoke in a -muttering voice, but three or four persons around -could not fail to catch every word; this, however, -appeared not to trouble him.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was in a state of high excitation, but she -was also extremely confused, the game being a -complete enigma to her. The croupier was continually -raking cards to and fro and counters to and fro, -continually tearing tickets out of a book, ripping them -to pieces and throwing the pieces behind him, -continually dropping cards into a big hole, and continually -dropping counters into a little hole. An official -opposite the croupier, with pockets full of counters, -was continually, and with miraculous rapidity, -exchanging rose counters for green and white counters -for rose. The player next to Felix had a small table -behind him furnished with champagne and -sandwiches, which he consumed in hasty gulps and -mouthfuls, as one who feels the dread hour at hand -when no man may eat or drink. The players -ejaculated short incomprehensible words, and at brief -intervals Lilian seized a word that sounded like -"baunco." She heard Felix utter the word, saw him -turn up two cards, and then receive from the -croupier's rake a large assortment of green and rose -counters. He never looked at her to smile; she was -ignored, but she guessed that he must be winning. -Soon afterwards his piles of counters had strangely -diminished.</p> -<p class="pnext">The heat stifled her, and the odour of flesh and -tobacco and scent nauseated. She held no key to -the vast and splendid conundrum, unless by chance -her fundamental commonsense was right in its casual -suggestion that she was surrounded by lunatics. Yet -how could persons so well-dressed, so sure of -themselves, so restrained and stylish in manner, and -seemingly so wealthy, be lunatics? Impossible! -She grew profoundly and inexplicably sad.</p> -<p class="pnext">At length she walked away, aimless. Felix did -not notice her departure. She thought it almost -certain that Lord Mackworth would be somewhere in -the rooms; she desired above everything to avoid the -danger incident to meeting him face to face; but she -walked away. All the tables were the same as the -table at which she had left Felix--crowded, entranced, -self-concentrated and perfectly unintelligible; and at -every table the croupier was continually dropping -counters into a little hole, and tearing up tickets and -throwing the fragments behind him on to the crimson -carpet. The sole difference between the tables was -that some held more banknotes than others. The -heaps of blue thousand-franc notes piled about one -table caused Lilian to halt and gaze.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Some ready there!" said a very young man to -a fierce old woman.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ah! But you should have seen it in the days of -gold plaques before the war. You could call a -hundred-franc gold piece 'ready,' then, if you -like." The old woman sighed grimly.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian passed on under their combined stare. She -glimpsed herself in mirrors, as once she used to -glimpse herself in the shop windows of Bond Street, -and was satisfied with the vision. Her walk was as -remarkable as her beauty. Yes, she knew how to put -her feet on the ground and how to make her body -float smoothly and evenly above the moving limbs. -Her spirit rose as she began to suspect that no woman -in the rooms was getting more notice than herself. -Fancy Felix being absorbed in his gambling! She -had forgotten Lord Mackworth; she had decided that -he was not in the rooms; and then suddenly, sprung -from nothingness like a ghost, he stood in her path -between the wall and the end of a table. She was -disposed to retreat; besides, his attention was fixed -on the table and she might get by him unperceived. -But just as she approached he turned. Although -she might have ignored him, and in the circumstances -was indeed entitled to do so, she did not because she -could not. She blushed, only slightly, acknowledged -their acquaintance with a faint smile, then stopped, -but did not advance her hand to meet his.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ought I to have shaken hands?" she thought -anxiously. All her quickly acquired worldliness of -manner left her in an instant. She was the -typewriting girl again, wearing the wristlets. He had -all the physical splendour that she remembered, and -the style, and the benignant large-hearted tolerance -of an extensive sinner. As he looked at her he drew -back his chin and made several chins of it in just -the old way. He was enormous, superb, and perfect. -And if not a boy he had real youth; once more she -had to contrast his youth with Felix's specious -sprightliness. She fought on behalf of Felix in her -mind, and on points Felix won; but in her mind -Lord Mackworth had supporters which derided all -reasoning. And as she fronted him the old frightful -apprehension was powerfully revived, and it seemed -to be building a wall between her and the young -man, and she was intensely dejected beneath the -brightness of her demeanour.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Very hot here, isn't it?" she was saying. ("A -stupid typewriting girl remark," she reflected as it -slipped out.)</p> -<p class="pnext">"A great change since I was here last just before -the war," said Lord Mackworth gaily.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Warmer, do you mean?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No! Much more cheery now. Jollier!" He -waved a hand towards the company in general.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, <em class="italics">that</em>!" said Lilian, marshalling all her -forces in a determined effort to lose the typewriting -girl in the woman of the world. "You mean the -company." She shrugged her shoulders, borrowing some -of his tolerance, "Of course, you know they've been -brought here on purpose. It's all part of a great -battle for the command of the coast."</p> -<p class="pnext">The effort succeeded beyond her hopes. Lord -Mackworth was clearly impressed; he put questions -which Lilian answered out of the mouth of Felix. -Strange that this man should be he who had -inexcusably omitted to pay his trumpery bill at Clifford -Street, the man through whose unconscious agency -she had been unjustly cast into the street! However, -the past did not in the least affect her feeling for him. -What she most vividly recalled was that she had -striven to serve him and had served him. He made -no reference--doubtless from delicacy--to the night -of their meeting; nor did he betray even the very -smallest surprise at seeing her, the typewriting girl, -exquisitely and expensively dressed, in the finest -baccarat rooms on the Riviera. (Of course, she might -be married, or have inherited a fortune--he could -think as he chose.)</p> -<p class="pnext">They went on talking and then a pause came, and -Lord Mackworth said bluntly:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I saw you from the yacht this afternoon."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! What yacht?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"The <em class="italics">Qita</em>."</p> -<p class="pnext">"The big one? Is it yours?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh lord, no! She belongs to my friend -Macmusson--we dined together here to-night."</p> -<p class="pnext">"It must be terribly big. I suppose you have an -enormous party on board?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Not a bit. Only Macmusson and his three old -aunts, and his niece--adopted daughter. Nobody else."</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's the girl you were making love to," -Lilian's heart accused him. "She's going to be very -rich and she'll pay all your family debts. That's -what it is. But what difference does it make?" her -heart added, "You are you." And aloud: "I heard -the yacht was leaving to-night."</p> -<p class="pnext">"She was. But I persuaded old Macmusson to -stop another day."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Really!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"And do you know why?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Because I had some hope of meeting you here -to-night."</p> -<p class="pnext">She flushed again. She saw the ante-room at -Clifford Street at the moment when he came back to -ask her to wake him by telephone. He must have -been well aware, then, that he had made a conquest, -because in the ante-room she had not been able to -hide her soft emotion. From that moment he had -forgotten her; yet he could not have forgotten her. -Perhaps he had somehow been prevented from -meeting her in the meantime. Now at the mere second -sight of her he had stopped the great yacht on the -chance of talking to her! He had thrown over the -young rich girl at a single glimpse of Lilian as she -passed! It was astounding. But in fact she was not -astounded. She glanced up at him. His smooth, -handsome red face was alive with admiration. And -was she not really to be admired, even by the Lord -Mackworths? Was she not marvellous? Did not all -the company in the rooms regard her as marvellous? -She thrilled to the romance of the incredible event. -He was so young and big and strong and handsome; -he had such prestige in her eyes. She saw visions.</p> -<p class="pnext">But the frightful apprehension--no longer a wall, -rather a cloud--swallowed up the visions and froze -the thrill. Felix held her. A gust of ruthless -common sense inspired her to say primly:</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's always dangerous to give reasons for what -one's done." And, nodding, she left him. -Immediately afterwards she had to sit down.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="in-the-hills">V</p> -<p class="center large pnext">In the Hills</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">When she at length returned to Felix and, squeezing -through the outer rings of gladiators against chance, -touched him delicately on the shoulder, he faced her -with a bright youthful smile, and without any surprise--it -was plain to her that he had recognized her from -the light touch of her finger.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Do you want me to stop?"</p> -<p class="pnext">She nodded.</p> -<p class="pnext">He gathered his counters together and rose with -alacrity.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You came in the nick of time," he said. "But, -of course, you would! I've been playing wild and -I've made a thousand francs into rather more than -six thousand. It was the very moment to flee from -the wrath that was coming. Let's run, run, to the -change-desk before I change my mind and decide to -begin to lose. That's the only insurance--getting -rid of the counters, because when you've got rid of -'em you're too ashamed with yourself to get more."</p> -<p class="pnext">He was quite uplifted, so gaily preoccupied with -his achievement that he noticed nothing strange in -her mien. She was glad that he noticed nothing; -and yet also she was sorry; she would have liked him, -after a single glance at her, to have said in his curt, -quiet, assured manner: "What's wrong?"</p> -<p class="pnext">She kept thinking, but not of Felix: "He must be -very fickle and capricious. I'm certain he was -making love to <em class="italics">her</em>. He happens to see me and off he -runs after me! He can't be any good, with his debts -and things. I was right to give him the bird. But -he's terribly nice, and I don't care. I don't know -what on earth's the matter with me. I think I must -be a bit mad, and always was. If I wasn't, should I -be here?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Transiently she viewed herself as, for example, -Gertie Jackson would have viewed her. And then -she saw another and a worse self and viewed that -other self as Lilian the staid and constant friend of -Felix would naturally view such an abandoned girl. -She was afraid of and disgusted by the possibilities -discovered in the depths of her own mind.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the desk the dancing girl whom Felix had -indicated as inhabiting their hotel hurried up -passionately and forestalled them. She threw down two -green counters, as it were in anger.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Can I play with <em class="italics">that</em>!" she exclaimed in cockney -English.</p> -<p class="pnext">The changer handed her two hundred-franc notes, -which she crumpled in her hand.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I must find a hundred thousand francs from -somewhere!" she cried, departing. She was talking -to herself. As she moved away a stout, oldish man -with a thick lower lip, pearl studs in his shirt-front, -and a gleaming white waistcoat, joined her, and they -disappeared together.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian stared after her in amazement. Felix's -winnings suddenly seemed very insignificant. Still -when he received six fine fresh thousand-franc notes, -besides some small notes, in exchange for valueless -discs, and handed to her one of the fine fresh -notes--"That's for saving me from myself!"--she was -impressed anew. A palace of magic, the baccarat -rooms! The real thing, gambling!</p> -<p class="pnext">"What do you want to do now?" he asked. -"Dance? No? Well, I'll do anything you like, -anything, the most absurd thing. Is that talking?"</p> -<p class="pnext">They were moving somewhat aimlessly down the -grand staircase.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Felix, darling," she murmured, "let's go for a -motor run in the hills. There's a lovely moon. I -should so love it." She desired to be alone with -him precisely as she had been alone with him in the -taxi after their first dinner. She had a fancy for just -that and nothing else. She pictured them together in -the car, in the midst of gigantic nature and in the -brilliant night.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But it will be cold!" he protested.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It wasn't cold when we came in here--it was -quite warm--you said so," she replied softly. "But -just as you please. I don't mind." And into the -acquiescent charm of her voice she dropped one drop -of angelic resentment--one single drop; not because -he objected to gratifying her, but because she knew -he was merely fussing himself about his throat and -his health generally.</p> -<p class="pnext">"We'll go, by all means. It won't take long," -he yielded affectionately, without reserve.</p> -<p class="pnext">She pressed his arm. She had won. He began -to suspect that she was overwrought--perhaps by the -first sight of the spectacle of gambling on a great -scale--and he soothed her accordingly. Half a dozen -automobiles were waiting and willing to take them -into the hills.</p> -<p class="pnext">Before Lilian had regained full possession of -herself they were clear of the town, and continually -ascending, in long curves. The night was magnificent; -through the close-shut windows of the car could -be seen, not the moon, which was on high, but the -strong moonlight and sharp shadows, and the huge -austere contours of the hills; and here and there a -distant, steady domestic lamp. Lilian sat in her -corner and Felix in his, and a space separated them -because of the width of the car. She felt a peculiar -constraint and could not reach the mood she wanted.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Felix," she said, "you heard that girl say she -must have a hundred thousand francs, how will she -get it? How can she get it?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"She'll just disappear for a day or two, and then -she'll come back with it. I dare say she owes most -of it already to the casino."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But who will give it her?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ah! That's her secret. There's always -somebody in the background that these charmers have -made themselves indispensable to. When this -particular charmer tackles the particular man or men -that she's indispensable to, she'll have what she -needs out of them if they've got it to give. That's a -certainty. If a man has hypnotized himself into the -belief that a girl's body is paradise, he'll win -paradise and keep paradise. He'll steal, commit murder, -sell his wife and children, abandon his parents to -the workhouse; there's nothing he won't do. And -he'll do it even if she'll only let him kiss her feet. -Of course, all men aren't like that, but there are -quite a few of 'em, and these charmers always find -'em out. Trust them."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I couldn't see that there was anything very -extraordinary in her."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Neither could I. But perhaps we're blind to -what that fellow who's going to fork out the hundred -thousand francs sees. I dare say if I were to dance -with her I might have glimpses of his notion of her. -Anyhow, you bet she's a highly finished product; -she's got great gifts and great skill--must have--and -she knows exactly what she's about--and she -looks eighteen and isn't above twenty-five. You -must remember she's on the way to being a star in -the most powerful profession in the world. They've -made practically all the history there is, even in the -East, and they're still making it--making it this very -night."</p> -<p class="pnext">There was a considerable silence, and then Lilian -shot across the seat and leaned heavily against Felix -and clasped his neck.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Darling," she said, "I know I'm going to have -a baby!"</p> -<p class="pnext">They could just see each other. Felix paused -before replying.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Very well! Very well," he said calmly. "We -shall see who's right." Her thoughts concerning -Lord Mackworth now seemed utterly incredible to -her in their mad aberration.</p> -<p class="pnext">The next moment the car swerved unexpectedly -to the side of the mounting road and the engine -stopped; the chauffeur jumped down, opened the -bonnet, unstrapped one of the side lamps and peered -with it into the secrets under the bonnet. Felix, -loosing himself from Lilian, rapped sharply on the -front window, but got no response from the bent -chauffeur. Then impatiently he tried to let down -the window and could not. He lifted it, shook it, -rattled it, broke the fragile fastening of the strap. -Suddenly the window fell with a bang into its slit, -and there was a tinkling of smashed glass.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Damn it! I ought to have opened the door, -but I was afraid of too much cold."</p> -<p class="pnext">The icy air of the hills rushed like an assassin -into the interior of the car, Felix shivered, unlatched -the door and got out. The chauffeur proved to be -an Italian, with no more French than sufficed to -take orders and receive fares and tips. He could -give no intelligible explanation of the breakdown, -but he smiled optimistically. The car was -absolutely alone on the road, and the road was alone in -the vast implacable landscape. No light anywhere, -except the chilly, dazzling moon and the stars, and -the glitter of a far range of god-like peaks, whence -came the terrible wind. The scene and situation -intimidated. The inhuman and negligent grandeur -of nature was revealed. Felix returned into the car -and shut the door, but could not shut out the cold. -Lilian covered his chest with her warm bosom. -Gently he pushed her away.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No, no!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Let me, darling!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's no use. I shall suffer for this."</p> -<p class="pnext">After a few minutes the engine was throbbing -again, and they had begun the descent. But no -device could conjure away the ruthless night air. -Back at the hotel Felix took brandy and hot water, -accepted Lilian's hot water bag in addition to his -own, and was in bed and thickly enveloped in no -time at all. Lilian kissed him guiltily and left him. -He bade her good night kindly but absently, -engrossed in himself.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-benefactress">VI</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Benefactress</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">When Lilian was alone in her room she thought -anxiously:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Supposing he should want more brandy in the -night--there is none!"</p> -<p class="pnext">The travelling flask was now empty. (In the -emergency, hot water from the lavatory-basin tap -had been used to dilute the brandy. Felix having -said impatiently that any water would do so long -as it was hot--hang a few germs!) She had noticed -that he would always take a little brandy if he felt -unwell from whatever cause, and this habit caused -her no uneasiness, for from her father she had -acquired a firm belief in the restorative qualities of -brandy; even her mother would say how unwise it -was to "be without" brandy, and before starting -for the annual domestic holiday invariably attended -herself to the provision of it. The lack of brandy -settled upon Lilian's mind, intensifying somehow her -sense of guilt. She felt deeply the responsibilities -of the situation, which became graver and graver to -her--the more so as she had no real status to deal -with it.</p> -<p class="pnext">She wanted to ring the bell, but the bell was -within a few yards of Felix's door--he often -complained on this score--and to ring might be to wake -him. Cautiously she stepped into the corridor, -hoping to find Jacqueline in the service-room at the -end of the shabby little side corridor where the bell -and the room-indicator were. She knew the French -for brandy. The main corridor stretched away with -an effect of endlessness. In its whole length only -two electric lights had been left to burn. Solitude -and silence made it mysteriously solemn. A pair of -boots, or two pairs of boots--one large, one small and -dainty--here and there on a door-mat seemed -inexplicably to symbolize the forlornness of humanity -in the sight of the infinite. The beating of Lilian's -heart attracted her attention. Not without an effort -could she cross the magic and formidable corridor. -The door of the service-room was locked. No hope! -Even Jacqueline had a bed somewhere and was -asleep in it; and brandy was as unattainable as on a -coral island.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian felt the rough hair-lining of pleasure. The -idea of her insecurity frightened her. She perceived -that a life of toil, abstinence, deprivation and cold -virginity had its advantages. Of course, Felix was -not going to be ill; but if he were, and if her dreadful -fears about her own condition were realized--what -then? What would happen? Were the moral -maxims and strict practice of her parents after all -horribly true? The wages of sin, and all that sort -of thing ... She heard steps in the distance of -the corridor. She peeped. Somebody was approaching. -Had she time to cross and vanish into the -shelter of her room? She hesitated. The visitant -was a woman. It was the girl who in the baccarat -rooms had talked of a hundred thousand francs in a -cockney accent, the girl whom Felix had described -as probably a rising star in the most powerful of -professions. She too had a bed, and was seeking -it at last.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I expect there's no chance of getting hold of a -servant to-night," said Lilian meekly, as the girl -instinctively paused in passing.</p> -<p class="pnext">The girl, staring sharply out of her artificially -enlarged eyes, shrugged the shoulders of negation -at Lilian's simplicity.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Anything the matter?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I only wanted some brandy. My"--'husband' she -meant to say, but could not frame the majestic -word--"my friend's not very well. Chill. He's had -a very little brandy, and might need some more in -the night." She flushed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Come along of me. I'll let you have some." What -a harsh, rasping little voice!</p> -<p class="pnext">The benefactress's bedroom was in a state of rich -disorder that astounded Lilian. The girl turned on -every light in the chamber, banged the door, and -pushing some clothes off a chair told Lilian to sit -down. Drawers were open, cupboards were open, -the wardrobe was open. Attire, boxes, bottles, -parcels, candles, parasols, illustrated comic papers, -novels with shiny coloured covers were strewn everywhere; -and in a corner a terrific trunk stood upright. -The benefactress began ferreting in drawers, and -slamming them to one after another.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm afraid I'm putting you to a lot of trouble," -said Lilian. "You're very kind, I'm sure."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Not a bit of it. I never <em class="italics">can</em> find anything.... I -think us girls ought to stand by each other, that's -what I think. Not as we ever do!" Her voice -seemed to thicken, almost to break.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian felt as if the entire hotel had trembled under -her feet, but she gave no sign of shock; she desired -the brandy, if it was to be had. "Us girls"!</p> -<p class="pnext">"You <em class="italics">are</em> French, aren't you? I only ask because -you speak English so well."</p> -<p class="pnext">After a moment the girl replied, her head buried -in a drawer:</p> -<p class="pnext">"You bet I'm French. My mother sent me to a -convent in London so as I could learn English -properly. It was one of them boarding convents -where you're free to do what you like so long as you're -in by seven o'clock. They wanted a few French -girls for the chorus of a revue at the Pavilion. Soon -as I got in there I never went back to the convent, -and I've never seen ma since, either. I was in that -chorus for a year. Oh!" She produced an ingenious -and costly travelling spirit-case, and then -searched for the key of it.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I wish I could speak French half as well as you -speak English."</p> -<p class="pnext">"If I had half your face and your figure I'd give -all my English to anybody that cared to have it. Oh! -Damn the key! Excuse me. Here you are." She -offered the disengaged flask. "Now you go along -and take what you want, and bring me the flask back."</p> -<p class="pnext">She stood in front of Lilian, who rose. She was -as flat as Milly Merrislate, and neither tall nor -graceful. Every lineament of the pert face so heavily -masked in paint and powder, every gesture, the too -bright stockings, the gilded shoes, the impudent -coiffure, the huge and flashy rings, the square-dialled -wrist-watch--all were crudely symptomatic of an -ingrained and unalterable vulgarity. Lilian was -absolutely unable to understand how any man, however -coarse and cynical, could find any charm of any kind -in such a girl. But Lilian did not know that -intense vulgarity is in itself irresistible to certain -amateurs of women, and she was far too young -really to appreciate the sorcery of mere lithe youthfulness.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why! What is it?" Lilian exclaimed, as she -took the flask.</p> -<p class="pnext">Tears were ravaging the cheeks of the benefactress.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! Damn!" The benefactress stamped her -foot, and raised her thin, loose, bare shoulders. -"Gambling's it. I always lose here. It's all shemmy -here, and when you win at shemmy you take other -people's money, not the bank's, and that puts me off -like at the start. And you never win if you don't -feel as if you were going to. I was at Monte Carlo -last week, and you sh'd've seen me at roulette, -taking the casino money. I couldn't do wrong. But -I had to come back here, and there you are! Lost -it all and a lot more!" She was speaking through -her tears. "Cleaned out to-night! Naked! You -see, it's like this. Gambling gives you an emotion. -It's the only thing there is for that--I mean for me.... -Did you see that fat beast speak to me to-night -in the casino? Well, he said something to me and -offered me ten thousand francs, and I slapped his -face for him in the entrance-hall. He knew I was -stony. I was a fool. Why shouldn't I have done -what he wanted? What's it matter? But no! I'm -like that, and I slapped his face, and I'd do it again, -I would!! He's Scapini, you know, the biggest -shareholder in both the big hotels here. I tore it, -I did! And, would you believe, I'd no sooner got -in here afterwards than the manager told me I must -leave to-morrow morning. It was all over the place -as quick as that! I've only got to go to Paris to get -all the money I want. Yes. But I'd sell myself for -a year to be able to pay my bill straight off in the -morning and cheek 'em. It'll be near a thousand -francs, and I haven't got ten francs, besides having -the whole bally town against me." She laughed and -threw her head back. "Here! You go along. -Don't listen to me. It's not the first time, neither the -last. Go along now."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm very sorry," said Lilian. She simply could -not conceive that the girl, possibly no older than -herself, was standing alone and unaided against what -was to her the universe. How could these girls do it? -What was the quality in them that enabled them to -do it?</p> -<p class="pnext">She was in the intimidating, silent, mystery-hiding -corridor again. She listened at the door, -which she had left ajar, between the bathroom and -Felix's bedroom. No sound! In the solacing, -perfect tidiness of her room, she poured some of the -brandy into a glass, and then, taking her bag, -returned to the benefactress.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Here's your flask, thank you very much!" she -said. "And here's a thousand francs, if it's any use -to you." She produced the note which Felix had -given to her. The money was accepted, greedily.</p> -<p class="pnext">"If you're here in a week's time, in five days, -you'll have it back," said the benefactress, looking -at her wrist-watch. "No! It's too late to go and -play again now!" She giggled. "Tell me your -name. You can trust <em class="italics">me</em>. I don't believe you're -real, though! You couldn't be. There aren't such -girls--anyhow at your age." She stopped, and gave -a tremendous youthful sigh. "Ah!" she exclaimed, -"if only I was dead. I often dream of lying in my -grave--eternal peace, eternal peace! No emotions! -No men! Quite still! Stretched straight out! -Quiet for ever and ever! Eternal peace! D'you -know I've been like that all my life? My God!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian burst into tears, agonized. The original -benefactress flung herself at the other benefactress -with amazing violence, and they kissed, weeping.</p> -<p class="pnext">A quarter of an hour later the defier of Scapini -murmured:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I wish to heaven I could do something for <em class="italics">you</em>!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian answered:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I wish you'd tell me how you stain your skin -that lovely Spanish colour."</p> -<p class="pnext">And she immediately received, not merely the -instructions, but the complete materials necessary -for the operation.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-doctor">VII</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Doctor</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">When she awoke the next morning after a very few -hours' sleep, she did so suddenly, to a full consciousness -of her situation, and not little by little, passing -by gradual stages to realization, as was her wont. -She listened; no sound came through the two -half-open doors. The brandy had not been needed. -Perhaps he was asleep; perhaps he had had a good night -and was perfectly restored. She rose, unfastened the -window and very quietly pushed back the shutters. -It was raining. Just as she was, her hair loose and -the delicate and absurd rag of a nightdress all untied, -she surveyed herself sternly in the mirror. She was -well content with her beauty. Impossible to criticize -it! In every way she was far more beautiful than the -nameless woman whom she had befriended and who -had befriended her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Partly because she had been generous to her, she -felt sympathy for the girl. The phrase "us girls" -stung her still, but it was not ill meant; in fact, it was -a rather natural phrase, and no doubt already her -acquaintance must have perceived how wrong it was. -She admired the girl for her fierce defiance and -courage, and for the intense passion with which she -had desired the grave. "Stretched straight out! -Quiet for ever and ever!" Startling and outrageous -words, in that harsh young voice; but there was -something fine about them! ("I may say the same -one day soon," Lilian thought solemnly.) Moreover, -she understood better the power of the girl, whose -kiss and clasp had communicated to her a most -disconcerting physical thrill. Indeed, it seemed to her -that she was on the threshold of all sorts of new -comprehensions. Finally she had astonished the girl -by the grand loan; she had shone; she had pleased; -she had satisfied her instinct to give pleasure. She -thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"She may be stronger than I am, and cleverer; -but she is very silly and I am not. And I'm -not weak either, even if some people take me for weak."</p> -<p class="pnext">It was disturbing, though, how that phrase -pricked and pricked: "Us girls." Little flames shot -up from the ashes of her early and abandoned -religion. "The wages of sin--the wages of sin." Was -it true about the wages of sin? Was she to be -punished? The great, terrible fear of conception still -dominated her soul; and it grew hourly. At each -disappointing dawn the torture of it increased. She -saw the powders and preparations which the courtesan -had given her; she recalled the minute directions for -the use of them, and smiled painfully. How could -the prospective mother employ such devices? -Nevertheless, if she escaped, she would employ them as -soon as Felix was better. She knew that Felix would -delight in the perverse, provocative transformation, -and she yearned to gratify him afresh in a novel -manner. When the surprise came upon him he -would pretend that it was nothing; but he would be -delighted, he would revel in it.</p> -<p class="pnext">Putting on her peignoir she slipped noiselessly -into the other bedroom, and crept up to the bed. -Needless precaution; Felix was wide awake, staring -at the ceiling. Before speaking she tenderly kissed -him, and kept her face for a moment on his.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Better?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Had an awful night. Couldn't sleep a wink. I -won't get up just yet. Order me tea instead of -coffee. We'll go out after lunch, not before."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Do you think you ought to go out, dearest?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course I ought to go out," he snapped -peevishly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's raining."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, well, if it's raining I dare say I shan't want -to go out." He placed his hand nervously on his -right breast.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Does it hurt you?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Not at all. Can't I touch myself?"</p> -<p class="pnext">She kissed him again. Then he gazed at her with -love, as she moved over him to ring the bell.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You all right?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, splendid! I listened once or twice at the -door, but as I didn't hear anything I made sure you -were asleep."</p> -<p class="pnext">She kept silence about her awful, persistent fear, -knowing that any reference to it would only irritate -him. He was more than ever like a child--and a -captious child. She realized the attitude of his sister -towards him. Thank God he was better! If he had -fallen ill she would have condemned herself as a -criminal for life, for her insane, selfish suggestion -of an excursion to the hills at night. Not he, but -she, was the child.</p> -<p class="pnext">After his tea he did get up and dress; but he -would not descend to lunch; nor eat in the bedroom. -At three o'clock he said that when it rained on the -Riviera the climate was the most damnable on earth, -and that he preferred to be in bed. And to bed he -returned. Then Lilian noticed him fingering his -breast again.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Any pain there?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! Nothing. Nothing. Only a sort of sensation."</p> -<p class="pnext">Soon afterwards he gave a few very faint, short, -dry coughs--scarcely perceptible efforts to clear the -throat. And at the same Lilian went cold. She -knew that cough. She had helped to nurse her -father. It was the affrighting pneumonia cough. -Almost simultaneously it occurred to her that Felix -was trying to hide from her a difficulty in breathing. -She had not dreamed of anything so bad as -pneumonia, which for her was the direst of all -diseases. And she with a plan for dyeing her skin -to amuse and excite him! ... She had thought of -a severe chill at the worst.</p> -<p class="pnext">She hurried downstairs to see the concierge. The -lift was too slow in coming up for her; she had to -run down the flights of carpeted steps one after -another. The main question on her mind was: -"Ought I to telegraph to his sister?" If Miss Grig -arrived, what would, what could happen to -herself? The concierge--a dark, haughty, -long-moustached, somewhat consumptive subject--adored -Lilian for her beauty, and she had rewarded his -worship with exquisite smiles and tones.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Would you like the English doctor, madam?" said he.</p> -<p class="pnext">"<em class="italics">Is</em> there an English doctor here?" She was -immensely relieved. She would be able to talk to an -English doctor, whereas a French doctor with his -shrugs and science, and understanding nothing you -said....</p> -<p class="pnext">"Surely, madam! I will telephone at once, -madam. He shall be here in one quarter -hour. I know where he is. He is a very good doctor."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, thank you!" Concierges were marvellous persons.</p> -<p class="pnext">As soon as she had gone again the concierge made -all the pages tremble. It was the thwarted desire -to kneel at Lilian's feet and kiss her divine shoes -that caused him to terrorize the pages.</p> -<p class="pnext">As for telegraphing to Miss Grig, she decided -that obviously she could send no message till the -doctor had examined and reported. In regard to the -hotel authorities and servants she now had no shame. -She alone was responsible for Felix's welfare, and -she would be responsible, and they must all think -what they liked about her relations with him. She -did not care.</p> -<p class="pnext">The concierge was indeed marvellous, for in less -than twenty minutes there was a knock at Felix's -door. Lilian opened, saw a professional face with -hair half sandy, half grey, and, turning to Felix, -murmured:</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's the doctor, darling."</p> -<p class="pnext">Felix, to whom she had audaciously said not a -word about sending for a doctor, actually sat up, -furious.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm not going to see a doctor," he gasped. "I'm -not going to see any doctor."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Come in, doctor, please."</p> -<p class="pnext">The moment was dramatic. Felix of course was -beaten.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You'll find me in the next room, doctor," she -said, after a minute, and the doctor bowed. In -another ten minutes the doctor entered her bedroom.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's a mild attack of pneumonia," said he, standing -in front of her. "Very mild. I can see no cause -for anxiety. You'd better have a nurse for the night."</p> -<p class="pnext">"I would sooner sit up myself," Lilian answered. -"I've nursed pneumonia before."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Then have a nurse for the day," the doctor -suggested. "I can get an English one from the -Alexandra Hospital--a very good one. She might -come in at once and stay till ten o'clock, say." Then -he proceeded to the treatment, prescriptions, and so -on.... An English nurse!</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian felt extraordinarily grateful and reassured. -She knew where she was now. She was in England -again.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ought I to telegraph home?" she asked.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shouldn't if I were you," the doctor replied. -"Better to wait for a day or two. Telegrams are so -disturbing, aren't they?"</p> -<p class="pnext">His gentle manner was inexpressibly soothing. -It was so soothing that just as he was leaving she -kept him back with a gesture.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Doctor, before you go, I wish you would do -something for me." And she sat down, her face -positively burning and shed tears.</p> -<p class="pnext">In the night, as she sat with Felix, the patient's -condition unquestionably improved. He even grew -cheerful and laudatory.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're a great girl," he muttered weakly but -firmly. "I know I was most absurdly cross, but I'm -a rotten invalid."</p> -<p class="pnext">She looked at him steadily, and, her secret -resolve enfeebled by his surprising and ravishing -appreciation, she let forth, against the dictates of -discretion, the terrific fact which was overwhelming -her and causing every fibre in her to creep.</p> -<p class="pnext">"It's true what I told you."</p> -<p class="pnext">"What?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"You know----" (A pause.)</p> -<p class="pnext">"How do you know it's true?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"The doctor----"</p> -<p class="pnext">His reception of the tidings falsified every -expectation. He waited a moment, and then said -calmly:</p> -<p class="pnext">"That's all right. I'll see to that."</p> -<p class="pnext">She did not kiss him, but, sitting on the bed, put -her head beside his on the pillow. Seen close, his -eyelashes appeared as big as horsehairs and -transcendently masculine. She tasted the full, deep -savour of life then, moveless, in an awkward posture, -in the midst of the huge sleeping hotel. She had no -regrets, no past, only a future.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="marriage">VIII</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Marriage</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian went to bed in the morning, not only with -the assurance that Felix was in no danger, but with -his words echoing in her heart: "We shall get -married--here--the moment I'm fit." She was nursing -his body; he was nursing her mind. He had realized -at once, of course, that the situation was completely -altered, and that he had now one sole duty--his duty -towards her. And, moreover, he had cared for her -pride--had not used the least word or even inflection -to indicate that she was absolutely dependent on his -good nature. The very basis of his attitude towards -her was that he and she were indivisible in the -matter. She rose about two o'clock, and she had -scarcely got out of bed when the Irish nurse, Kate -O'Connor, tapped at her door, and having received -permission to enter, came in with a conspiratorial air.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I heard you stirring. He's going on splendidly," -said the glinting-eye Kate, clad from head to foot in -whitest white. "But he sent me out of the room after -we'd had our little talk with Dr. Samson, and the -doctor stayed some while afterwards. Then there -came another gentleman--French gentleman--and I -was sent out again. He told me not to say -anything to you, and I promised I wouldn't; but -naturally I must tell you."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian thanked her undisturbed, guessing that -Felix was at work upon the arrangements for the -marriage. In the night he had asked her: "Where -were you born? What parish?" And on her -inquiring why he wanted to know he had replied -casually: "Oh, it's nothing. Just curiosity." But -she had not been deceived. She understood him--how -he loved to plan and organize their doings by -himself, saying naught.</p> -<p class="pnext">The fact was that he had been asking the doctor -about local lawyers, and, having learned what he -desired, he had sent for the most suitable <em class="italics">avoué</em>, and -put into his hands all the business of the marriage of -two British subjects in a French town. Apparently, -as he had foreseen, the chief documents required -were the birth certificates of himself and Lilian, and -he had telegraphed for these to his own solicitor in -London.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian continued to receive no information -concerning the progress of the formalities, and she -sought for none. She lived in a state of contemplation. -Her anxieties, except the vague, wonderful, -and semi-mystical anxiety of far-off motherhood had -been dissipated. She was uplifted; she had a -magnificent sense of responsibility, which gave her a new -dignity, gravity and assurance. Kate O'Connor -called her "madam," and referred to her as "madam," -especially when speaking to Felix. The assumption -underlying the behaviour of everybody was that she -was Felix's wife. As for the French lawyer, she -never even saw him.</p> -<p class="pnext">Meanwhile Felix's recovery was unexpectedly -slow, and he went through several slight relapses. -Now and then his voice was suddenly become hoarse -and faint, and with the same suddenness it resumed -the normal. At length he grew cantankerous. The -two women were delighted, telling each other that -this crotchetiness was a certain sign of strength. -One day he got up and dressed fully and sat at the -window for half an hour, returning to bed -immediately afterwards. The same evening he convinced -Lilian that there was no more need for her to watch -through the night.</p> -<p class="pnext">The next morning when Lilian entered his room -the nurse was not there.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I've sent her off," Felix explained. "I much -prefer to have you with me than any nurse on -earth." He was dressed before ten-thirty. "Now put your -things on," said he.</p> -<p class="pnext">"What for? I don't want to go out."</p> -<p class="pnext">"We're going out together. Look what a fine -day it is! We're going to be married at eleven -o'clock, at the <em class="italics">mairie</em>. Now hurry up." His voice -hardened into a command.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But--but does Dr. Samson agree to you -going out?" she asked, quite over-taxed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Samson doesn't know, as it happens; but if he -did of course he'd agree."</p> -<p class="pnext">She might have refused to go. But could she -refuse to go and be married--she, the bearer of his -child? She perceived that he had been too clever -for her, had trapped her, in his determination to -regularize her situation at the earliest possible -moment. She forced a timid smile and covered him -up for the journey.</p> -<p class="pnext">The lift-boy smiled a welcome to him. The -concierge was the very symbol of attentive deference, -and in the carriage enveloped Lilian's feet with the -rug as though they had been two precious jewels--as -they were. The manager himself made a majestic -appearance, and shot out congratulations like stars -from a Roman candle. And the weather was -supremely gorgeous.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the <em class="italics">mairie</em> waited the <em class="italics">avoué</em> and his clerk, who -were to act as witnesses. The <em class="italics">avoué</em> and Felix -talked to dirty and splendid officials; Felix and -Lilian signed papers.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Now <em class="italics">you</em>'ve only got one thing to do," said -Felix. "When I nudge you, say, '<em class="italics">Oui, monsieur le -maire</em>.'"</p> -<p class="pnext">They were inducted into the sanctuary of celebration, -and Lilian saw a fat gentleman wearing the -French national flag for a waistband. It would have -been very comical had it not been so impressive. -The ceremony started, Lilian understanding not a -word. Felix nudged her. She murmured: "<em class="italics">Oui, -monsieur le maire</em>." ... The ceremony closed. -Immediately afterwards Felix handed her a sort of little -tract in a yellowish-brown cover.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You're married now, and if anybody says you -aren't, show 'em this."</p> -<p class="pnext">The <em class="italics">avoué</em> was tremendous with bows and smiles. -They drove back to the hotel. They were in the -bedroom. Lilian took Felix apprehensively by the -shoulders.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, darling. You're sure it hasn't done you any -harm?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"And that's not quite all. There's my will," -said he. "Ring the bell."</p> -<p class="pnext">He spoke to Jacqueline, who after a few minutes -brought in an English valet and an English lady's -maid. Felix was set upon having his will witnessed -by people with English addresses. He silently gave -Lilian the will to read. He had written it himself. -In three lines it bestowed upon her all that was his. -Not a syllable about his sister. Well, that was quite -right, because Miss Grig had means of her own. -Sitting in the easy chair, with a blotting-pad on his -knees, Felix signed the will. Then the valet and the -lady's maid signed, with much constraint and -flourish. Felix gave them fifty francs apiece, and -dismissed them.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Put that with your marriage certificate," he said -to Lilian, folding up the will and offering it to her. -"I think I'll get back to bed. Exhausting work, -being married!" He laughed shortly. "I'm going -to sleep," he said later, after he had eaten and drunk. -"You be off downstairs and have your lunch."</p> -<p class="pnext">But, of course, she could not go downstairs. She -dropped into her bed, staggered by the swift -evolution of her career. Staggered by it! Lo! She was -a typewriting girl wearing wristlets, poor, hopeless, -with no prospects. A little while, and lo! she was the -wife of a rich and brilliant adorer, and an honest man -in whom her trust was absolute. And she was -pregnant. Strange fear invaded her mind, the ancient -fear that too much happiness is a crime that destiny -will punish.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-widow">IX</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Widow</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">"Felix seriously ill; double pneumonia; we are -married.--Lilian Grig." Ten words, plus Isabel's -address and her own! She wrote the telegram after -several trials, in her bedroom, on half a sheet of the -hotel notepaper, Kate O'Connor standing by her side, -the next morning but one.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Give it me," said the white nurse. "I'll see to -it for you, Mrs. Grig, as I go home."</p> -<p class="pnext">She looked up at the nurse, and the nurse, eyes -no longer laughing, looked down at her. The nurse -knew everything, and, moreover, must have assisted -at scores of tragedies; yet Lilian regarded her as an -innocent who understood nothing essential in life. -Her comforting kiss was like the kiss of a very capable -child pretending to be grown up.</p> -<p class="pnext">Voices in the other bedroom! The doctor had -arrived and was talking to the second nurse. They -went in together. Felix lay a changed man, horribly -aged. He was a man who had suddenly learned that -in order to live it was necessary to breathe, and that -breathing may be an intensely difficult operation of -mechanics. His lined, wrinkled face was drawn with -the awful anxieties incident to breathing, and with -the acute pain in both lungs. The enemy was -growing in strength and Felix was losing strength, but -he could not surrender. He must continue to struggle, -despite the odds, and there was no referee to stop the -fight, either on the ground that it had developed into -an assassination or on any other ground. The -brutality had to proceed. And the sun streamed -through the window; and outside, from the -promenade where the idlers were strolling and the band -was playing, the window looked exactly the same as -all the other windows of the enormous hotel.</p> -<p class="pnext">After an examination, Dr. Samson injected -morphia. The result was almost instantaneous. The -victim, freed from the anxiety of the pain, could -devote the whole of his energy to breathing. He -sighed, and smiled as if he had entered paradise. He -gave a few short, faint coughs, like the cough of a -nervous veiled woman in church, and said in a hoarse, -feeble, whispering voice:</p> -<p class="pnext">"You must understand, doctor, it was all my fault. -I insisted, and what could she do?" The two nurses -modestly bent their gaze.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, yes," the doctor concurred.</p> -<p class="pnext">Felix had already made the same announcement -several times.</p> -<p class="pnext">"But I want everybody to know," he persisted.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, yes," said the doctor. "I shall give you -some oxygen this morning. It will be here in a -minute. That will do you a lot of good. You'll see."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian was the calmest person in the room. She -had decided that there was no hope, and had braced -herself and become matter-of-fact. She was full of -health, power, and magnificent youth, and the living -seed of Felix was within her. She quietly kissed -Felix on his damp cheek; no gold now glistened in -his half-empty mouth. She returned to her own -bedroom, and Dr. Samson followed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"He's much worse," she said firmly to the doctor.</p> -<p class="pnext">"He is not better," said the doctor. "But there -is always hope."</p> -<p class="pnext">She glanced sadly at the soft and mournful face -of the middle-aged doctor. Nurse Kate had told her -the story of the doctor, who was a widower and -solitary and possibly consumptive, and on account of -his lungs practised on the Riviera during the winter. -The vast tragedy of the world obsessed her; there -was no joy nor pleasure in the whole world, and the -ceaseless activities of gaiety that wearied the hotel -and the Casino and the town and the neighbouring -towns seemed to her monstrous, pathetic, and more -tragic even than Felix's bed.</p> -<p class="pnext">For five days she cabled daily to Miss Grig, and -got nothing in reply. Felix's strength consistently -waned. And neither morphia nor oxygen could help -him more than momentarily. Jacqueline, the nurses, -the doctor, treated Lilian as a holy madonna. They -all exclaimed at her marvellous stedfastness. The -manager of the hotel paid a decorous call of -inquiry--though it was apparent that he was already familiar -with every detail--and he, too, treated Lilian as a holy -madonna. Two days later, in the evening, just after -Nurse Kate had come on duty, Felix held out his -hand for his wife's hand, and, casting off his frightful -physical preoccupation, said in a normal voice:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Everything's in order. Don't be an idle woman, -my poor girl."</p> -<p class="pnext">She dropped on her knees, and throwing her arms -on his body, cried:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Darling, I've killed you!" (The thought that -she had brought about his death was her continual -companion.) But Felix, utterly absorbed again in the -ghastly effort to breathe, had no ears for the wild -outburst. In the night he died. He had written a -short note to his sister before the great relapse, and -since then had not even mentioned her.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-wreath">X</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Wreath</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Dr. Samson sat late with Lilian in her bedroom -the next night. It was the middle of the night. He -was taller than Felix, and not so old; his face was -more flat and milder, but there was something in his -expression and about the wrinkles round his eyes -that reminded her of Felix, and he had attached -himself to her to serve her; his mournful gaze -appealed to her. It was he who had made her -understand that death in a hotel devoted to gaiety was an -indiscretion, a lapse from good taste that must be -carefully hidden. He stood faithfully between her -and the world, the captive of her beauty, wanting -no reward but the satisfaction of having helped her.</p> -<p class="pnext">Not that much help was needed. The routine -of such episodes was apparently fixed. Things -moved of themselves. All requirements seemed to -be met automatically. There was even an English -cemetery in the region. Early on the morning after -the death a young woman in black had called to -present the card of a great Paris shop with a branch -in the town, and by the evening Lilian was dressed -in black. The layer-out had arrived earlier yet than -the dressmaker. Dr. Samson had interviewed -the manager of the hotel. An important part of the -routine was that the whole of the furniture of Felix's -room should be removed, and the room refurnished -at the cost of the representative of the dead. -Dr. Samson settled the price. Lilian decided to give -the old furniture to the Alexandra Hospital. The -doctor had volunteered to finance Lilian till she -should be back in London; but afterwards the -equivalent of nearly four hundred pounds in French -and English money was discovered in Felix's -dispatch-case, the inside of which Lilian had never seen. -The doctor had also sent off the telegram to the mute -Miss Grig: "Felix died in the night; am returning -London immediately," and got the railway ticket, -and accomplished the legal formalities preliminary -to the burial, and warned the English chaplain, and -ordered a gravestone in a suitable design and taken -Lilian's wishes as to the inscription thereon. -Nothing remained to be done but wait. Lilian was -quietly packing; the doctor sat watchful to assist. -They both heard a noise in the next room; and at -the noise Lilian was at last startled from her calm. -The moment, then, had come. Dr. Samson went -first. The room, which ought to have been in -darkness, was lighted, and not by electricity but by two -candles, one on either side of the bed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Who has done this?" Lilian murmured, and -gave a sob.</p> -<p class="pnext">The door into the corridor was locked; to keep it -locked had been part of the unalterable routine. -Therefore the candles could only have been brought -by somebody on the staff of the hotel. The next -instant Jacqueline entered, through the bathroom. -She was weeping.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Pardon me, madam. I couldn't go to bed. I -couldn't sleep. And I thought of the candles. It -was too much for me. I had to bring them. If I was -wrong, pardon me.... <em class="italics">They</em> will be here soon." She -threw herself down on her knees at the foot of -the bed. She had spoken in French. The doctor -interpreted.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Tell her I thank her very much," said Lilian, -"and ask her to go to bed. She'll have her work to -do to-morrow, poor thing!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Jacqueline rose. Lilian took her hand and -turned away.</p> -<p class="pnext">"And this came," Jacqueline added, pointing to -a package in tissue-paper that lay on a chair. "The -night porter has only just brought it up, and as I was -coming in with the candles...."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian removed the tissue-paper and saw a -magnificent wreath of lilies, far finer than anything in -her experience, a wreath for an imperial monarch. -In the middle was a white envelope. She opened the -envelope; it contained two French bank-notes for -five hundred francs each. No signature! Not a word!</p> -<p class="pnext">"She has got her money," thought Lilian. -"How?" And, placing the wreath on Felix's feet, -she burst into tears.</p> -<p class="pnext">Jacqueline had vanished. Suddenly Lilian began -to stride to and fro across the room. She was full of -youth and force. She was full of fury and resentment. -The moving muscles of her splendid, healthy -body could be discerned through her black dress. -She frightened the doctor.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Ah!" she cried, with a gesture towards the -wreath, "she is the only one that understands that -I don't <em class="italics">want</em> to be comforted! Nobody else has -understood. I expect she just heard that he was -dead, and she doesn't know that I killed him; but -she understood. <em class="italics">She</em> understood." The doctor, -quite mystified, seized her arm to soothe her, and -was astonished at her strength as she shook him off. -She was like a tigress. Nevertheless, she let herself -be persuaded to follow him into her own room. -There her eye caught the toilet preparations which -the courtesan had bestowed on her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"And she gave me these!" Lilian laughed, -hesitated, and added fiercely: "I will take them -back with me! I will never use them, but I will keep -them for ever and ever!" And she cast them into one -of the open trunks. Then she said calmly: "Of course -I know it was because of the window of the car being -broken, and it would have been all right if the engine -hadn't stopped. But it was my silly, silly idea to go -out for a drive at night.... I can't help it! I did -kill him! He'd have been alive now if I hadn't -behaved myself like a perfect child!"</p> -<p class="pnext">The doctor offered no remark. She resumed all -her old tranquillity, wiping her eyes carefully with -a fine, tiny handkerchief that Felix had given her. -The bearers arrived a quarter of an hour later--discreet, -furtive and sinister. The hotel slept in its -vastness. All gaiety was asleep. But even if some -devoted slave of dissipation had surprised them on -their way back, he could not have guessed that it -was a coffin they bore. The doctor, by using his -professional prestige, kept Lilian in her own room -till the bearers were nearly ready to depart with more -than they had brought. She went into the mortuary. -The coffin was disguised. Picking up the wreath, -which had been forgotten or intentionally left, she -placed it upon the coffin and beneath the disguise. -It lay there alone in its expensive grandeur. The -bearers withdrew with their burden, tiptoeing along -the dim, silent corridor lest revellers should be -disturbed from well-earned, refreshing sleep and open -their doors to see what was afoot in the night. The -cortège was lost to view round the corner at the end -of the corridor. The doctor remained a little while, -and he also prepared to go. The two nurses Lilian -would never see again.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You should go to bed now and try to sleep. I'll -call for you in good time to-morrow for the funeral."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian shook her head.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No, I'm going to pack his things now." She -stood at the door of his room, and watched the doctor -also disappear from view round the corner at the end -of the corridor.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-return">PART IV</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">I</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Return</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">It was early in July, on one of those long summer -evenings of which the melancholy twilight seems -determined never to end, that Lilian, from Victoria -Station, drove up to her late husband's house, now -her own. The events leading to the arrival, and -giving it a most poignant dramatic quality, had one -after another as they occurred impressed everybody -concerned as being very strange and sinister; but -seen in perspective they took on a rather ordinary -complexion.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the very moment of leaving the Riviera Lilian -had heard that Miss Grig, on her way to the South -to see Felix, had been detained in Paris by serious -ptomaine poisoning due to food eaten at home. Had -Miss Grig been able to get a berth in the through -Calais-Mediterranée express, she might well have -died in the train; but she had not been able to get a -berth, and had travelled by a service which necessitated -crossing Paris by taxi. She never did cross -Paris. Railway officials carried her to the Hôtel -Terminus, and medical aid was obtained just in -time. For several days she was lost, like a mislaid -and helpless parcel in the international post. As -soon as she could move again she returned home, -for Felix was by then dead and buried.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian, on her part, did travel towards London -by the through Calais-Mediterranée express, alighting -at Calais extremely exhausted after twenty-eight hours -on the railway. A gale was raging in the Channel. -The steamer failed to enter Dover, a colossal harbour -constructed in defiance of common sense for the -inconvenience of seafarers, and put in at Folkestone. -This detail changed the course of Lilian's journey. -She was lifted ashore suffering acutely from sickness -and nervous shock caused by the storm. At Dover -she would assuredly not have remained more than a -day or two; but Folkestone is a health-resort, and, -installed in a big hotel on the Leas, she was tempted -to let week drift after week in languid and expectant -meditation. Felix's solicitor came down several times -from London to see her and take her instructions. -From him she had news of Miss Grig and of the -business; but she neither saw Miss Grig nor heard -from her; the silence between the two mourners was -absolute; and Lilian would not be the first to break -it; moreover, there was no official need for letters to -pass, each party being always well informed of the -situation through the medium of the lawyer. At the -close of the Riviera season Lilian had a flattering -surprise. Dr. Samson the faithful came to see -her in Folkestone. He was staying at another hotel. -He desired nothing, hoped for nothing, except to -exhibit his fidelity. She had in him someone upon -whom she could exercise her instinct to please, and -to whom she could talk about the unique qualities -of Felix. But also she had grown capricious and -uncertain in temper. Perceiving at once that her -little outbursts charmed and delighted him, she did -not check them, but rather bestowed them upon him -as favours; and the gloomy, fretful, transformed girl -in unbecoming black played with some spirit the -rôle of spoiled virgin from whom a suppliant adorer -anticipates one day complete surrender. It was -touching and at the same time comical.</p> -<p class="pnext">As spring glowed into summer two factors gradually -decided Lilian to proceed to London. Visitors -increased in Folkestone; the Leas were no longer a -desert, and she didn't care to be much remarked. -And further, Dr. Samson advised her to have her -child in London, and to settle there well in advance -of the ordeal. He suggested more than one house; -but Lilian would listen to no counsel on this matter. -She gave out sharply that she would have Felix's -child in Felix's house, which was her house--and -nowhere else. The ever-silent Miss Grig was still -there, but Lilian had no objection to her staying -there. She knew what was due to her husband's -sister. She sent for the solicitor and invited him -to make all the arrangements, and to report when -he had done so. In due course she journeyed to -London, deliberately missing train after train on the -day of departure. Dr. Samson accompanied her to -the doorstep of her house and Felix's, he paid the -taxi-driver, and then he shook hands and vanished. -She wished to present herself alone, and to this end -had postponed ringing the bell until all that -Dr. Samson could do was done.</p> -<p class="pnext">The facade of the house had been modernized, -not untastefully, and was different from nearly all -the other houses in Montpelier Square. The front -door was of a rich, deep blue. The curtains of the -windows had individuality. Lilian looked the façade -up and down and from side to side. She had not -even seen the house before; no, nor yet the Square. -Felix! It was all Felix. "Felix" was written right -across it. And it was hers--at any rate, the lease of -the house was hers! It belonged to none but -herself. She knew the fact, but could not imaginatively -grasp it, and the effort to grasp it made her feel faint -with emotion. She was frightened, she was proud, -she was ashamed, she was defiant, she was almost sick.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why did I insist on coming here like this?" -she thought. "No girl was ever in such a position -before!"</p> -<p class="pnext">The blue door opened, as it were the door of a -chamber of unguessed tortures. A flush spread -slowly over Lilian's face.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Now," she thought, "now I am in the middle of -it all, and can't go back."</p> -<p class="pnext">A parlourmaid stood in the doorway--tall, stiff, -prim, perfect--such a creature as would have refused -to recognize for fellow-creatures the cook-generals of -Putney. Her mature, hard face relaxed into the -minimum of a ceremonial smile.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh, good evening!" said Lilian awkwardly, no -better than a typewriting girl, and stepped into the -house.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Good evening'm," said the parlourmaid, and, as -she realized Lilian's condition the face relented still -further and its smile flickered into genuineness. -Though her eyes and mouth showed that she was -virtuous to the verge of insanity, she seemed to be -moved, in spite of herself, by the spectacle of languid -and soft and mourning Lilian.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Grig wished me to say that she is engaged -for the moment. She was expecting you earlier in -the day. And shall I show you the principal -bedroom? And if you have any orders.... -Yes'm,"--following Lilian's glance at her trunks piled in the -porch--"we've got a young man in as will see to -them."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian sat down on an old carved chair with a -wooden seat. How characteristic and horrid of Miss -Grig not to be ready to receive her! Not that she, -Lilian, the mistress of the house, needed a reception -from anyone! Certainly not! This notion braced -and fortified her. A young man did appear fussily -from the dark basement staircase, and pulled the -trunks one after another within the house. The front -door was then shut. The hall and upward staircase -were already gently lighted for the evening. Beautiful -silk shades over the two lamps! Not a very large -house, nor very luxurious! But the carpets, -furniture, and pictures had for Lilian just the peculiar -distinction which she had hoped for. They recalled -the illustrations of interiors in <em class="italics">The Studio</em> which -used to come every month to Putney; and they were -utterly different from the Putney furniture. Felix! -All Felix! No Miss Grig! Impossible that there -should be a trace of Miss Grig anywhere! This -interior had been Felix's habitation. In a sense it -was the history of Felix, his mind, his taste. She -would have to study it, to learn it.</p> -<p class="pnext">This interior was the first family interior she had -seen since Putney. She was entering it after a period -of awful lodging-houses and garish impersonal hotels. -It was touchingly beautiful to her. The baby should -be born in it, should grow up in it, should know it -as the home of memory.... Then it became a vision, -a hallucination, and the owning of it became an -illusion. How could she own it? Only yesterday -Miss Grig had thrown her out of Clifford Street with -ten days' wages for a weapon to fight the whole world -with. All that had happened since was untrue and -hadn't happened.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'll go upstairs," she said coldly to the parlour-maid. -She had to be cold in order to be dignified. -Milly Merrislate used to pose like that sometimes. -The resemblance annoyed her, but what could she -do in her weakness against the power of the situation? -She did as best she might.</p> -<p class="pnext">On the first floor the parlourmaid, switching lights -off and on, said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"This is the bathroom and so on."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes. That is Miss Grig's room," in a hushed voice.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian murmured no affirmative at the face of the -shut door; her eyes had a gleam of cruelty, and -involuntarily her hands clenched. The house began -to grow enormous, endless.</p> -<p class="pnext">"This is the principal bedroom." They went into -it. Curtains drawn. Two soft lights. A narrowish -bed. The dressing-table naked. A wonderful -easy-chair. Polished surfaces everywhere. Cunning, -mild tints--the whole mysteriously beautiful. Felix! -She sank into the easy-chair, drawing off her black -gloves. Another maid and the young man were -bumping the trunks up the stairs.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Will you have everything brought in here'm?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please." She asked that two of the trunks should -be pushed under the bed; they were Felix's. The -other maid and the young man departed.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Will you take anything'm?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No, thank you."</p> -<p class="pnext">The parlourmaid softened again.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Some tea and some nice bread-and-butter?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian gave a smile of appreciation, and thought:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I will make this girl fond of me."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Up here'm?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, please."</p> -<p class="pnext">She was alone. The room was full of secrets. -She opened a wardrobe, and started back; it held -Felix's suits. She gazed at herself in the mirror of -the naked dressing-table; tears were slipping down -her wasted white cheeks. Mechanically she pulled -at a drawer. Neckties, scores of them, neatly -arranged. Could one man have possessed so many -neckties? She picked up a necktie at random, striped -in violent colours. She did not know, and could -not have known, that the colours were those of a -famous school club. She was entirely ignorant of the -immense, the unparalleled prestige of club colours -in the organized life of the ruling classes. Mechanically -again, she put the necktie to her mouth, nibbled -at it, bit it passionately, voluptuously; the feel of the -woven stuff thrilled her; and that club necktie was -understood, comprehended, realized, as no club -necktie ever before in all the annals of the sacred -public-school tradition. Lilian sobbed like a child. The -parlourmaid entered with the tea and the nice -bread-and-butter, and saw the child munching the necktie, -and was shaken in the steely citadel of her virtue.</p> -<p class="pnext">"You'll feel better when you've drunk this'm," -said the parlourmaid lumpily, pouring out some tea. -"Hadn't you better sit down'm? ... It won't do for -you to tire yourself."</p> -<p class="pnext">God! The highly-trained girl so far forgot -herself as to spill a tear into the milk-jug!</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="miss-grig">II</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Miss Grig</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian, having fulfilled the prophecy of the parlour-maid -and felt better after drinking the tea, had just -released her shoulders from her dust cloak and -dropped her forlorn little hat on the carpet, when she -heard a firm, light tap.</p> -<p class="pnext">"May I come in?"</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig entered and shut the door carefully.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian tried to get up from the low easy chair.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Please! Please! Don't move. You must be -exhausted."</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig advanced and shook hands. Lilian -raised her eyes and lowered them. Miss Grig was -shockingly, incredibly aged. In eight months she -had become an old woman and a tragic woman. (The -lawyer had omitted to furnish Lilian with this -information.) But she was not less plump. Indeed, -owing to the triumph of her instinctive negligence in -attire over an artificial coquetry no longer stimulated -by the presence of a worshipped man, she seemed -stouter and looser than ever. She was dressed for the -street.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian, extremely perturbed, looked at the -dilapidation and thought: "I have done this." She also -thought: "This is the woman that turned me out of -my situation because she fancied Felix was after -me--not me after Felix. What a cruel shame it was!" -And thus, though she felt guilty, she felt far more -resentful than guilty. What annoyed her was that -she felt so young and callow in face of the old woman, -and that she was renewing the humiliating sensations -of their previous interview. She felt like the former -typist, and the wedding-ring on her finger had -somehow no force to charm away this feeling so -uncomfortable and illogical. She was not aware that her -own appearance, pathetic in its unshapely mingling -of the girl and the matron, was in turn impressively -shocking to Miss Grig.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I thought I ought just to say good-bye to you -before leaving," said Miss Grig in a calm, polite but -quavering voice.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Are you leaving?" Lilian exclaimed foolishly. -"I expected you to----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Felix left everything to you----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I had nothing at all to do with the will--I----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh no! I didn't suppose for a moment you had. -Felix would never consult anybody in such matters. -I'm not complaining. Felix was quite right. He -made you his wife and he left you everything. It -might have been different if I'd had no money of my -own. But, thank God, I'm independent! And I -prefer to have my own home." The tone was -unexceptionable, and yet Miss Grig managed to charge -with the most offensive significance the two phrases: -"<em class="italics">He made you his wife</em>" and "<em class="italics">Thank God</em> I'm -independent." It was as if she had said: "He raised -you up from being his kept woman to be his wife--he -made you honest--and he needn't have done!" -and, "If I'd been at the mercy of a chit like -you----!"</p> -<p class="pnext">But Lilian, while she fully noticed it, was -insensible to the offence. She was thinking as she sat -huddled beneath Miss Grig erect:</p> -<p class="pnext">"Who won? You didn't. I did. You thought -you'd finished me. But you hadn't."</p> -<p class="pnext">And added to this was the scarcely conscious -exultation of youth and energy confronting the end -of a career. The man for whom they had fought was -dead and long decayed, but they were still fighting. -It was terrible. Lilian's feelings were terrible; she -realized that they were terrible; but they were her -feelings. Worse, crueller than all, she reflected:</p> -<p class="pnext">"One day you will come and swallow your pride -and beg me humbly for a sight of his child!"</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig continued with wonderful dignity:</p> -<p class="pnext">"As I say, I thought it proper to stay till you -actually arrived, and formally hand over. Though -really there's nothing to be done. I hope you'll find -everything to your satisfaction. The servants will -stay, at any rate as long as you need them. Of -course, I told them beforehand how things are with -you. The household accounts I've given to Mr. Farjiac -to-day" (Mr. Farjiac was the solicitor). "And"--she -opened her Dorothy bag--"here are the keys. -Masters--that's the parlourmaid--will tell you which -is which."</p> -<p class="pnext">Instead of handing the keys to Lilian, she dropped -them by the necktie on the dressing-table, where they -made a disturbing noise in collision with the -glass-top--as if they had cracked the glass (but they had -not).</p> -<p class="pnext">"I think that's everything."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But about the business?" Lilian asked weakly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh yes, of course, I was forgetting. Mr. Farjiac -knows all about it. I've left Gertie Jackson in -charge. She's very capable and devoted. You -needn't go near the place unless you care to. I've -told her she should come and see you to-morrow."</p> -<p class="pnext">"But are you giving it up entirely?" Lilian, -who had heard not a word from the lawyer as to this -abandonment, was ready to cry.</p> -<p class="pnext">"How can I give up what doesn't belong to me?" -asked Miss Grig, with a revolting sweetness like the -taste of horseflesh. "The business is yours, and it -was never mine. I merely managed it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Won't you take it?" Lilian burst out, losing -self-control in the reaction of her natural benevolence -against the awful bitterness of the scene. "Take it -all for yourself. I would so like you to have it. I -know you love it."</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig's tone in reply recalled the young -widow to the dreadful proprieties of the interview.</p> -<p class="pnext">"No, thank you," said she coldly, with the -miraculous duplicity of wounded arrogance, "I'm -only too glad to be rid of the responsibility and the -hard work--at my age. I only did it all to please -Felix. So that now he's dead.... By the way, I -think I ought to let you know that my poor brother's -grave is sadly neglected. And the headstone has a -terribly foreign look. And it's all sunk in sideways, -because you didn't give the ground time to settle -before you had it fixed."</p> -<p class="pnext">Miss Grig's "By the way" information absolutely -effaced the effect on Lilian of the magnificent lie -which preceded it. She was staggered and she was -insulted and outraged. Had Miss Grig dared, -without warning her, to go down to the Riviera and -examine Felix's grave?</p> -<p class="pnext">"You've been there?" she demanded brokenly. -Miss Grig nodded.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I ventured," she said, with haughty deference, -"to give orders about it. I hope you don't -disapprove."</p> -<p class="pnext">"When did you go?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh! Not long since," said Miss Grig casually, -carelessly, victoriously. "I must leave you now. I -think I've had all my own things removed, and I -hope nothing that belongs to you. If there's -anything wrong, or anything I can do, will you write -to Mr. Farjiac?"</p> -<p class="pnext">She smiled gravely, steadily, and shook hands; -and carried off her grief, her frustration, her -ever-lasting tragedy, safe and intact and with pomp away -from the poor, pretty little chit whom destiny had -chosen to be the instrument of devastation.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian sat dulled. The keys of the house lay -beside the damp and creased club necktie. She heard -a taxi arrive and the door bang and the taxi depart. -A hot, dry, mournful wind of the summer night blew -the curtains with a swish suddenly inwards and made -Lilian shiver. Ah! What would she not have given -for an endless, tearful, sobbing talk with the only -other creature on earth who had worshipped Felix? -How she would have confessed, abased herself, -accused herself, excused herself, abandoned herself, -uncovered her inmost soul, at the signal of one soft -word from Isabel Grig! Hellish pride! Hellish -implacable rancour! Glutton of misery! The -woman had not even offered a syllable of goodwill -for the welfare of the coming baby! Nevertheless, -Lilian's heart was breaking for Isabel Grig. Who -could blame Isabel? Or who Lilian? The situation -inevitably arising from their characters and from -the character of the dead man had overpowered both -of them. Lilian thought of the neglected grave, and -of the courtesan's prayer, "Eternal peace! No -emotions! Stretched straight out. Quiet for ever -and ever! Eternal peace!" In the indulgence of -grief and depression she wanted to keep that thought. -But she could not. She was too young and too -strong, and the edges of the dangerous future were -iridescent.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-lieutenant">III</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The Lieutenant</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Lilian slept heavily and without moving, and when -the parlourmaid aroused her with more tea at nine -o'clock according to order, she drank half the first -cup before the process of waking was complete. Her -mind had been running jerkily:</p> -<p class="pnext">"So she actually went all that way to see his -grave. And I haven't seen the stone myself. Of -course Felix wrote to her when he was getting better, -and told her he was going to marry me. That's how -she must have first known I was out there with him. -He wrote on purpose to tell her. And she went all -that way to see my darling's grave, and never said -a word to me! It's her feeling for Felix makes her -so cruel, poor thing! Oh! But she's so hard, -<em class="italics">hard</em>! Well, I could never be hard like that--I don't -care what happened. And it won't make her any -happier."</p> -<p class="pnext">The parlourmaid returned with a parcel.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Oh yes, I know what that is," said Lilian. -"Just cut the string and put it down here, will you?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Jackson is waiting to see you'm. Will you -see her or shall I ask her to call to-night?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Miss Jackson!" Lilian exclaimed, agitated by -the swiftness of the sequence of events. "Has she -been waiting long?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"No'm. Only about twenty minutes."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why didn't you tell me before?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I thought you ought to have your tea quiet'm."</p> -<p class="pnext">"How nice of you!" said Lilian, with a weak, -acquiescent smile. "But do ask her to come in -here now. She won't mind me being in bed, -will she?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"I should hope not'm," said the parlourmaid, -pawing the ground.</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian pushed her lustreless hair out of her eyes. -The sun was shining on part of the tumbled bed. -Then Gertie Jackson came in. Absolutely -unchanged! The same neat, provincial, Islingtonian -toilette. The same serious, cheerful, ingenuous gaze. -The same unmarred complexion. The same upright -pose and throwing back of the shoulders in -unconscious rectitude and calm intention to front -courageously the difficulties of the day. The same -mingling of self-respect and deference. She bent -over the bed; Lilian held up her face like a child with -mute invitation, and Gertie kissed her. What a -fresh, honest, innocent, ignorant kiss on Lilian's hot, -wasted, experienced cheek!</p> -<p class="pnext">"You poor thing!" Gertrude murmured devotedly.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I'm seven months gone nearly," Lilian -murmured, as if in despair.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Well, it'll soon be over, then!" said Gertie -buoyantly, in a matter-of-fact tone.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, but shall I ever again be like I was?" -Lilian demanded gloomily.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course you will, dear. <em class="italics">And</em> prettier. They -almost always are, you know. I've often noticed it."</p> -<p class="pnext">"You dear!" cried Lilian, "and do you mean to -say you've got up earlier and come all the way down -from Islington here to see me before going to the -office? And me keeping you waiting!"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why! But of course I came. I'm responsible -to you, now poor Miss Grig's gone. I told her I -would be. And I can't tell you how glad I shall be -if I suit you and you find you can keep me on. It's -such a good situation."</p> -<p class="pnext">Lilian lifted her face again and kissed her--but -not the kiss of gratitude (though there was gratitude -in it), the kiss of recompense, of reward. It was -Lilian who, in allowing herself to be faithfully served, -was conferring the favour. Gertrude was the eternal -lieutenant, without ambition, without dreams, asking -only to serve with loyalty in security. In that -moment Lilian understood as never before the function -of these priceless Gertrudes whose first instinct -when they lost one master was to attach themselves -to another.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Look here!" said Lilian. "D'you know what -I want? I want you to come and live here till it's -over."</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course I will," Gertrude agreed, eagerly ready -to abandon her domestic habits and interior for as -long as she was required to do so, and to resume -them whenever it might suit Lilian's convenience. -And all because Lilian had been beautiful and -successful, and would be beautiful and successful once -more!</p> -<p class="pnext">"You must come to-night, will you?" Lilian -insisted, transformed in a moment into the spoilt and -exacting queen.</p> -<p class="pnext">Gertrude nodded, brightly beaming.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I do so want to talk to you," Lilian went on. -"I've had nobody to talk to for--I mean like you. -D'you know, Felix would have been alive now if it -hadn't been for me." She burst into tears, and -then, recovering, began an interminable detailed -recital of events on the Riviera, coupled with a -laudation of Felix. She revelled in it, and was shameless, -well aware that Gertrude would defend her against -herself. The relief which she felt was intense.</p> -<p class="pnext">At the end of half an hour, when the torrent had -slackened, Gertrude said:</p> -<p class="pnext">"I really think I'd better be going now. What -time would you like me to come to-night? I'm quite -free because I'm not taking night duty this week. It's -Milly's week." And as she was leaving she turned -back rather nervously to the bed. "D'you mind me -suggesting one thing? I wouldn't have you over-tire -yourself; but if you could just show yourself at -the office, I feel it would be such a good thing for -all of us. The girls would understand then who -the new employer is. Some of them are very -stupid, you know. If you could just show yourself--a -quarter of an hour. It's for your own sake, dear."</p> -<p class="pnext">"As I am? I mean--you know----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Why not?"</p> -<p class="pnext">"But would they----"</p> -<p class="pnext">"Of course not," blandly and firmly decided -Gertrude, who had been brought up in Islington, -where the enterprise of procreation proceeds on an -important scale and in a straightforward spirit. -Strange that in Gertrude's virginal mentality such -realism could coexist with such innocent -ingenuousness! But it was so.</p> -<p class="pnext">When Gertrude had left, Lilian opened the parcel. -It was from Dr. Samson and contained two books -recommended and promised by him about preparing -for motherhood, and motherhood, and cognate -matters. The mere titles of the chapters entranced her.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="the-new-employer">IV</p> -<p class="center large pnext">The New Employer</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">Appreciably less than a year had passed since she -went down those office stairs, thrust out by the -implacable jealousy of Miss Grig, and yet in that short -time the stairs had shrunk and become most painfully -dingy. The sight of them saddened her; she -wondered how it was that their squalor had not affected -her before. She felt acutely sorry for the girl named -Lilian Share who in the previous autumn used easily -to run up them from bottom to top, urged by the -consciousness of being late. Now she had to take -the second flight very slowly. The door opened as -she reached it, and Gertie Jackson emerged to usher -her in. A dozen pairs of ears had been listening for -her arrival. The doors of both the large and the -small rooms were ajar, and she had glimpses of -watching faces as she went with Gertrude into the -principal's room. She was intensely nervous and -self-conscious. Gertrude explained that Miss Grig -had installed her in the principal's room months ago, -and Lilian said that that was quite right, and Gertrude -said that she had hoped Lilian would approve.</p> -<p class="pnext">Tea was laid on one of the desks, a dainty tea, -such a tea as Lilian had never seen in the office, -with more pastry than even two girls could eat who -had had no lunch and expected no dinner; an -extravagant display. Then a flapper entered with the -tea-pot and the hot-water jug, and Lilian smiled at -her, and the flapper blushed and smiled and tossed -her winged pigtail. The flapper had a shabby air. -Lilian could swallow only one cake because Gertrude -was sitting where Felix had sat when he first told her -what she might do and ought to do with herself.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I am so glad you've come!" said Gertrude, in a -sort of rapture.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes," Lilian agreed with dignity. "I was -bound to come, of course."</p> -<p class="pnext">She felt wise and mature and tremendously aware -of her responsibilities; and she intended to remain -so. Nobody should be able to say of her that she -had lost her head or that she was silly or weak or in -any way unequal to her situation. Above all, Miss -Grig should be forced to continue to respect her.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I suppose I'd better just go and see them all -now," she suggested, after more tea.</p> -<p class="pnext">"They'd be delighted if you would," said Gertrude, -as if the thing had not already been arranged.</p> -<p class="pnext">Naturally Lilian honoured the small room first. -The three inhabitants of the small room--two of them -were unknown to her--sprang up, flattered, ruffled, -flustered, excited, at her entrance. There she stood, -the marvellous, the semi-legendary Lilian, who had -captured the aristocratic master, run off with him to -the Continent, married him, buried him, inherited -all his possessions, and was soon going to have a -baby. Her famous beauty was under eclipse, her -famous figure had grown monstrous beyond any -possible concealment; but she was still marvellous. -She was the most romantic figure that those girls had -ever seen; she was all picture-paper serials and -cinema films rolled together and come to life and -reality. Her prestige was terrific. She felt it and -knew it and acted on it. How pathetically common -the girls were, how slave-like! How cheap their -frocks! How very small the room (but evidently it -had been tidied for her visit)! She recognized one -of the old Underwoods by a dent in its frame, and -remembered the stain on one of the green lampshades, -and the peculiarities of the woodwork of the absurdly -small mirror. She was touched; she might have -wept a little, but her great pride--in her achievement, -in her position, in her condition, even in her -tragic sorrow--upheld her safely. Tenderly invited -to sit down, she sat down, and she put expert -questions, to the wonderment of practising typists, thus -proving that she was not proud. And then with -gracious adieux she proceeded to the large room -where, though her stay was (properly) more brief, -she created still more sensation. In the large room -she surprised one or two surreptitious exchanges of -glance betraying a too critical awareness on the part -of some that she had sinned against the code and -perhaps only saved herself by the skin of her teeth. -These unkind exhibitions did not trouble her in the -least. The demeanour of the more serious and -best-paid girls showed absolutely no <em class="italics">arrière pensée</em>, and -better than anybody else they knew what was what in -the real world. Gertrude Jackson, the honest soul of -purity, already adored her employer.</p> -<p class="pnext">As these two were returning to the principal's -room the entrance-door opened and Millicent Merrislate -burst breathlessly in.</p> -<p class="pnext">"How splendid!" exclaimed Gertrude.</p> -<p class="pnext">She had sent a special message to Milly, and -Milly for a sight of her new mistress had got up and -come to the office two hours earlier than her official -time. Lilian was amazed and very pleased. She -remembered that she had once spent at any rate one -night of toil in perfect friendliness with the queer, -flat, cattish Millicent; and now she insisted on Milly -helping them to eat cakes in the sacred room. The -scene was idyllic. A little later Lilian, having -arranged the details of Gertrude's temporary removal -to Montpelier Square, announced that she must go, -on account of some important shopping. Gertrude, -sternly watchful against undue fatigue for Lilian, -raised her eyebrows at the mention of shopping, but -Lilian reassured her. A taxi was fetched by the -flapper-of-all-work, and, noticing then for the first -time that the road repairs in the neighbourhood were -all finished, and every trace of them vanished, Lilian -gave the driver an address in Piccadilly. Several -girls were watching her departure from the windows; -her upward glance caught them in the act, and the -heads disappeared sharply within.</p> -<p class="pnext">"They are all working for <em class="italics">me</em>!" she thought with -complacency, and could scarcely believe the wonderful -thing.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst" id="layette">V</p> -<p class="center large pnext">Layette</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst">The pride of her reception in Clifford Street wafted -her easily up the somewhat austere stairs of the first -floor establishment in Piccadilly. She had long been -familiar with the face of the commissionaire, and the -brass signs, of this mysterious shop, but never till -the leading word attracted her eyes as she was driving -from Montpelier Square to Clifford Street had it -occurred to her what the word signified. The -deceiving staircase led to splendid rooms, indicating that -the renown of the establishment could not be spurious. -A bright and rosy young woman came smilingly -forward and gave Lilian a chair. One other customer, -a stout lady with her back to the world, was being -served in a distant corner. A marvellous calm -reigned, and the noise of Piccadilly seemed to beat -vainly against the high, curtained windows.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Layettes?" Lilian began questioningly, with a -strange exultation. The aspect of the interior had -revived her taste for luxury while giving it a new -direction.</p> -<p class="pnext">"Yes, madam."</p> -<p class="pnext">The esoteric conversation was engaged. Lilian -sat entranced by the fineness and the diminutiveness -and the disconcerting elegance of the display ranged -abroad for her on the glass counter. She was glad -that through culpable sloth she had done absolutely -nothing as yet with her own needle. It was the books -from Dr. Samson that had aroused her to the need -for action of some sort, for she had had no wise -woman to murmur in her eager ear the traditions -and the Spanish etiquette of centuries of civilized maternity.</p> -<p class="pnext">"I shall bring Gertie to see these to-morrow," she -thought. "It will please her frightfully to come, and -she'll stop me from being too extravagant. Only I -must arrange it so that her work won't be interfered -with. Perhaps at lunch time. Never do to upset -discipline right at the start!"</p> -<p class="pnext">And she asked to see still more stock. The -articles stimulated her memory and her imagination -into a kind of tranquil and yet rapturous contemplation -of the events, voluptuous, tender and tragic, -which had set her where she was. The thrill of -conception, the long patience of gestation, the coming -terror of labour mingled all together in her now -mystical mind. Her destiny had been changed, or -at least it was gravely diverted. Instead of glittering -in public as the lovely darling and blossom of -luxurious civilization, and in private rendering a man to -the highest possible degree happy--instead of this she -was secretly and obscurely building a monument, in -her body and also in her heart, to Felix--Felix whom -already she had raised to be the perfect man, Felix -who might have been alive then if she had not one -evening behaved like a child, or if his sense of his -duty towards her had not been so imperious. (Her -commonsense had at last cured her of regarding -herself as his murderess.) Whether she had loved him -to the height of which she was capable of passionate -love was doubtful. But she had profoundly admired -him; she had been passionately grateful to him for -his love of her; and, come what might when her -beauty was restored to its empire, no other man could -ever stand to her in the relation in which Felix had -stood. He had set his imprint upon her and created -her a woman. And so she was creating him a god.</p> -<p class="pnext">All these movements of her brooding mind originated -from the spectacle of the articles on the counter. -They did not prevent her from discussing layettes -with the bright, rosy, shop-girl. That innocent, -charming and unimaginative young creature fingered -the treasures with the casualness of use. For her -layettes were layettes, existing of and for themselves; -they connoted nothing.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center pfirst small">PRINTED IN ENGLAND BY CASSELL & COMPANY, LIMITED, LONDON, E.C.4.</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<div class="center transition"> -<p class="pfirst">――――</p> -</div> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 4em"> -</div> -<p class="center large pfirst">WORKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">NOVELS</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">A Man from the North<br /> -Helen With the High Hand<br /> -Anna of the Five Towns<br /> -The Card<br /> -Leonora<br /> -The Regent<br /> -A Great Man<br /> -The Lion's Share<br /> -Sacred and Profane Love<br /> -Clayhanger<br /> -Whom God Hath Joined<br /> -Hilda Lessways<br /> -Buried Alive<br /> -These Twain<br /> -The Old Wives' Tale<br /> -The Roll Call<br /> -The Glimpse<br /> -The Pretty Lady<br /> -The Price of Love<br /> -Mr. Prohack</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">FANTASIAS</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">The Ghost<br /> -Teresa of Watling Street<br /> -The Grand Babylon Hotel<br /> -The Loot of Cities<br /> -The Gates of Wrath<br /> -Hugo<br /> -The City of Pleasure</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">SHORT STORIES</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">Tales of the Five Towns<br /> -The Grim Smile of the Five Towns<br /> -The Matador of the Five Towns</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">BELLES-LETTRES</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">Journalism for Women<br /> -Liberty<br /> -Fame and Fiction<br /> -Over There: War Scenes<br /> -How to Become an Author<br /> -Books and Persons<br /> -The Truth About an Author<br /> -Married Life<br /> -Mental Efficiency<br /> -The Author's Craft<br /> -How to Live on Twenty-four Hours a Day<br /> -Self and Self-Management<br /> -The Human Machine<br /> -From the Log of the "Velsa"<br /> -Literary Taste<br /> -Our Women<br /> -Friendship and Happiness<br /> -Things That Have Interested Me<br /> -Those United States<br /> -Paris Nights</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">DRAMA</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">Polite Farces<br /> -The Great Adventure<br /> -Cupid and Commonsense<br /> -Judith<br /> -What the Public Wants<br /> -Sacred and Profane Love<br /> -The Honeymoon<br /> -The Love Match<br /> -The Title<br /> -Body and Soul<br /> -Milestones (in collaboration with Edward Knoblock)</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 2em"> -</div> -<p class="left medium pfirst">(In collaboration with Eden Phillpotts)</p> -<p class="left medium pnext white-space-pre-line">The Sinews of War: A Romance<br /> -The Statue: A Romance</p> -<div class="vspace" style="height: 6em"> -</div> -<!-- -*- encoding: utf-8 -*- --> -<div class="backmatter"> -</div> -<p class="pfirst" id="pg-end-line">*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK <span>LILIAN</span> ***</p> -<div class="cleardoublepage"> -</div> -<div class="language-en level-2 pgfooter section" id="a-word-from-project-gutenberg" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> -<span id="pg-footer"></span><h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title">A Word from Project Gutenberg</h2> -<p class="pfirst">We will update this book if we find any errors.</p> -<p class="pnext">This book can be found under: <a class="reference external" href="http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/40343"><span>http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/40343</span></a></p> -<p class="pnext">Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no one -owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and -you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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