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diff --git a/40263-0.txt b/40263-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1c323d8 --- /dev/null +++ b/40263-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8434 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40263 *** + + FOLLY AS IT FLIES; + + _HIT AT_ + + BY + FANNY FERN. + + + NEW YORK: + G. W. CARLETON & CO. PUBLISHERS. + LONDON: S. LOW, SON & CO. + MDCCCLXVIII. + + + + + Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1868, by + + G. W. CARLETON & CO., + + in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, + for the Southern District of New York + + + LOVEJOY, SON & CO., + ELECTROTYPERS & STEREOTYPERS, + 15 Vandewater Street, N. Y. + + + + + To + + MY FRIEND + + Robert Bonner, + + EDITOR OF THE NEW YORK LEDGER. + + + _For fourteen years, the team of Bonner and Fern, has trotted + over the road at 2.40 pace, without a snap + of the harness, or a hitch of the + wheels.--Plenty of oats, and + a skilful rein, the + secret._ + + + + + PREFACE. + + + _Yours Truly_, + + FANNY FERN. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + PAGE + + DISCOURSE UPON HUSBANDS 11 + + GRANDMOTHER'S CHAT ABOUT CHILDREN 33 + + WOMEN AND THEIR DISCONTENTS 50 + + WOMEN AND SOME OF THEIR MISTAKES 68 + + NOTES UPON PREACHERS AND PREACHING 88 + + BRIDGET AS SHE WAS, AND BRIDGET AS SHE IS 103 + + A CHAPTER ON TOBACCO 118 + + GIVE THE CONVICTS A CHANCE 127 + + A GLANCE AT WASHINGTON 133 + + GLIMPSES OF CAMP LIFE 142 + + UNWRITTEN HISTORY OF THE WAR 151 + + MY SUMMERS IN NEW ENGLAND 163 + + BOSTON AND NEW YORK 182 + + SOME THINGS IN NEW YORK 188 + + WORKING GIRLS OF NEW YORK 219 + + WASHING THE BABY 230 + + CHILDREN HAVE THEIR RIGHTS 232 + + MOURNING 240 + + TO YOUNG GIRLS 244 + + A LITTLE TALK WITH THE OTHER SEX 253 + + A CHAPTER ON MEN 269 + + LITERARY PEOPLE 274 + + SOME VARIETIES OF WOMEN 280 + + MISTAKES ABOUT OUR CHILDREN 295 + + THOUGHTS OF SOME EVERY DAY TOPICS 312 + + A TRIP TO THE NORTHERN LAKES 328 + + + + +FOLLY AS IT FLIES. + + + + +_A DISCOURSE UPON HUSBANDS._ + + +I wish every husband would copy into his memorandum book this +sentence, from a recently published work: "_Women must be constituted +very differently from men. A word said, a line written, and we are +happy; omitted, our hearts ache as if for a great misfortune. Men +cannot feel it, or guess at it; if they did, the most careless of them +would be slow to wound us so._" + +The grave hides many a heart which has been stung to death, because +one who might, after all, have loved it after a certain careless +fashion, was deaf, dumb, and blind to the truth in the sentence we +have just quoted, or if not, was at least restive and impatient with +regard to it. Many men, marrying late in life, being accustomed only +to take care of _themselves_, and that in the most erratic, rambling, +exciting fashion, eating and drinking, sleeping and walking whenever +and wherever their fancy, or good cheer and amusement, questionable or +unquestionable, prompted; come at last, when they get tired of this, +with their selfish habits fixed as fate, to--matrimony. For a while it +is a novelty. Shortly, it is strange as irksome, this always being +obliged to consider the comfort and happiness of another. To have +something always hanging on the arm, which _used_ to swing free, or at +most, but twirl a cane. Then, they think their duty done if they +provide food and clothing, and refrain (possibly) from harsh words. +Ah--_is it_? Listen to that sigh as you close the door. Watch the +gradual fading of the eye, and paling of the cheek, not from age--she +should be yet young--but that gnawing pain at the heart, born of the +settled conviction that the great hungry craving of her soul, as far +as you are concerned, must go forever unsatisfied. God help such +wives, and keep them from attempting to slake their souls' thirst at +poisoned fountains. + +_Think_, you, her husband, how little a kind word, a smile, a caress +to _you_, how much to _her_. If you call these things "childish" and +"beneath your notice," then you should never have married. There are +men who should remain forever single. You are one. You have no right +to require of a woman her health, strength, time and devotion, to mock +her with this shadowy, unsatisfying return. A new bonnet, a dress, a +shawl, a watch, anything, everything but what a _true_ woman's heart +most craves--sympathy, appreciation, love. She may be rich in +everything else; but if she be poor in these, and is a _good_ woman, +she had better die. + +There are hard, unloving, cold monstrosities of women, (rare +exceptions,) who neither require love, nor know how to give it. We are +not speaking of these. That big-hearted, loving, noble men have +occasionally been thrown away upon such, does not disprove what we +have been saying. But even a man thus situated has greatly the +advantage of a woman in a similar position, because, over the needle a +woman may think herself into an Insane Asylum, while the active, +out-door turmoil of business life is at least a _sometime_ reprieve to +_him_. + +Do you ask me, "Are there no happy wives?" God be praised, yes, and +glorious, lovable husbands, too, who know how to treat a woman, and +would have her neither fool nor drudge. Almost every wife would be a +good and happy wife, _were she only loved enough_. Let husbands, +present and prospective, think of this. + + * * * * * + +"Now, I am a clerk, with eight hundred dollars salary, and yet my wife +expects me to dress her in first-class style. What would you advise me +to do--leave her?" + +These words I unintentionally overheard in a public conveyance. I went +home, pondering them over. "Leave her!" Were _you_ not to blame, sir, +in selecting a foolish, frivolous wife, and expecting her to confine +her desires, as a sensible woman ought, and would, within the limits +of your small salary? Have _you, yourself_, no "first-class" expenses, +in the way of rides, drinks and cigars, which it might be well for +you to consider while talking to her of retrenchment? Did it ever +occur to you, that under all that frivolity, which you admired in the +maid, but deplore and condemn in the wife, there may be, after all, +enough of the true woman, to appreciate and sympathize with a _kind, +loving_ statement of the case, in its parental as well as marital +relations? Did it ever occur to you, that if you require no more from +_her_, in the way of self-denial, than you are willing to endure +_yourself_--in short, if you were _just_ in this matter, as all +husbands are _not_--it might bring a pair of loving arms about your +neck, that would be a talisman amid future toil, and a pledge of +co-operation in it, that would give wings to effort? And should it not +be so immediately--should you encounter tears and frowns--would you +not do well to remember the hundreds of wives of drunken husbands, +who, through the length and breadth of the land, are thinking--_not_ +of "_leaving_" them, but how, day by day, they shall more patiently +bear their burden, toiling with their own feeble hands, in a woman's +restricted sphere of effort, to make up their deficiencies, closing +their ears resolutely to any recital of a husband's failings, nor +asking advice of aught save their own faithful, wifely hearts, "_what +course they shall pursue_?" + +And to all young men, whether "clerks" or otherwise, we would say, if +you marry a humming-bird, don't expect that marriage will instantly +convert it into an owl; and if you have caught it, and caged it, +without thought of consequences, don't, like a coward, shrink from +your self-assumed responsibility, and turn it loose in a dark wood, to +be devoured by the first vulture. + + * * * * * + +The other day I read in a paper, "Wanted--board for a young couple." +What a pity, I thought, that they should begin life in so unnatural +and artificial a manner! What a pity that in the sacredness of a home +of their own, they should not consecrate their life-long promise to +walk hand in hand, for joy or for sorrow! What a pity that the sweet +home-cares which sit so gracefully on the young wife and housekeeper, +should be waved aside for the stiff etiquette of a public table or +drawing-room! What a pity that the husband should not have a "_home_" +to return to when his day's toil is over, instead of a "room," as in +his lonely bachelor days! + + * * * * * + +"Oh, you little rascal" said a young father doubling up his fist at +his first baby, as it lay kicking its pink toes upon the bed; "oh, you +little rascal, precious little attention have I had from your mamma +since _you_ came to town. I don't know but I am very sorry you are +here." + +Now, this is a subject upon which I have thought a great deal, and +often wished I had wisdom to write about. It is a very nice point for +a young wife to settle rightly--the respective claims of the helpless +little baby, and those of the young husband, who has hitherto been the +sole recipient of her caresses and care. The cry of that little baby +is painful to him. He has not yet adjusted himself to the position of +a father. It is a nice little creature, of course; but why need _she_ +be so much in the nursery and so little in the parlor? Why can't she +delegate the washing, and dressing, and getting-to-sleep, to a nurse, +and go about with _him_, as she used before it came. It is very dull +to sit alone, waiting until all these processes have been gone +through; and, beside, it is plain to see that, when he does wait till +then, her vitality is so nearly exhausted that she has very little +left to entertain him, or to go abroad for entertainment; and if she +does the latter, she is so fearful that something may go wrong with +that experimental first baby in her absence, that her anxiety becomes +contagious, and _his_ pleasure is spoiled. + +Now, to begin with: it takes two years for a young married couple to +adjust themselves to their new position. "_His_ mother never fussed +that way over _her_ babies, and is not _he_ a living example of the +virtue of neglect?" Now "_her_ mother preferred to do just as _she_ is +doing, and thought any other course heartless and unnatural, at least +while the baby is so very little." Now stop a bit, my dears, or you +never will get beyond that milestone on your journey. You have got, +both of you, to drop your respective mothers, as far as quoting their +practice is concerned. Never mention them to one another, if you can +possibly keep your mouths shut on their superior virtues, when you +wish to settle any such question; because it will always remain true, +to the end of time, that a husband's relations, like the king, can do +no wrong, though they may be in the constant practice of doing that in +their own families, which they consider highly improper in yours. + +Now, do you and John--I suppose his name is John--two-thirds of the +men are named John, and the Johns are always great strapping +fellows--do you and John just paddle your own canoe, as they do. It is +yours, isn't it? Well, steer it, day by day, by the light you have, as +well as you know how. Mind that _you_ both pull together; shut down +outside interference, which is the cause of two-thirds of the +unhappiness of the newly married, and you will be certain to do well +enough, _at last_. + +When a clergyman comes to a new congregation, or a school-teacher to +an untried school--when a new business partner enters a firm--nobody +expects things to go right immediately, without a hitch or two, till +matters adjust themselves. It is only in the cases of newly converted +persons, or the newly married, that people insist upon human nature +becoming immediately, and instantaneously, sublimated and fit for +heaven. Now in both cases, as I take it, time must be given, as in the +other relations, for assimilation. + +This point being conceded,--and I am supposing, my dear reader, that +you are not quite a natural fool,--why should you or the young couple +consider the whole thing a failure, merely because this process +cannot be accomplished in a day and without a few mistakes, any more +than in the cases above cited? + +But we have left that little experimental first baby kicking too long +on the bed--it is time we return to him. Now, I am very sorry that +John said what he did to that young mother, even "in joke." _She_ knew +well enough that he meant two-thirds of it. She is not quite strong +yet either, for the baby is but three months old; and it is very true +that it does cry a great deal; and though _she_ don't mind it, John +does; and really, she can't leave it much with a nurse, while it is so +very little. And yet, it _is_ dull for John to sit alone in the parlor +while she is soothing it; and what _shall_ she do? That's just +it,--what _shall_ she do? She really gets in quite a nervous tremble, +when it is time for him to come home--what with hoping baby will be on +its good behavior, and fearing that it may not. Not that, for one +instant, she has ever been sorry that she was a mother--oh no, no! You +may burn her flesh with a red-hot iron, and you can never make her say +that. God forbid! + +Now, John, if your little wife loves her baby like that, is not it a +proof that you have chosen a wife wisely and well? and are you not +willing to face like a man--I _should_ say, like a woman,--the petty +disagreeables which are consequent upon the initiatory life of the +little creature in whose veins flows your own blood? Surely, you +cannot answer me no. When you married, you did not expect to live a +bachelor's life. If you did, then I have nothing more to say. I shall +pay that compliment to your manhood to suppose, that you did not so +deceive the young girl, who trusted her future in your hands, and that +you did not expect that _she alone_ was to practice the virtue of +self-abnegation. + +Well, then, be patient with the wife who is so well worthy of your +sympathy and co-operation, in this, her conscientious attempt to bring +up rightly the first baby. When the next comes, and I know you will +have a next, or your name isn't John, she will not be so anxious. She +will not think it will die, every time it has the stomach-ache. But at +present it is cruel in you to say those things which distress her, +even "in joke," because, as I tell you, she is trying faithfully to +settle these important questions, which take time for each of you to +decide, so that you may not wrong the other. _Help_ her do it. Soothe +her when she is nervous and weary. _Love_ that little baby, though at +present it does not even smile at you. If you can't love it, _make +believe love it_, till the little thing knows enough to know you. Do +it for _her_ sake, who has earned your tenderest cherishing as the +mother of your child. _Begin_ right. Know that whatsoever people may +say, _that Love and Duty are all there is of life_. Out of these two +grow all the pleasure and happiness mortals can find this side of the +grave. So, John, don't wear out your boots trudging round elsewhere to +find them, for it will be a miserable failure. + + * * * * * + +I think every woman will agree with me, that it is perfectly +astonishing the "muss" (to use a New Yorkism) which a male pair of +hands can make in your room in the short space of five minutes. You +have put everything in that dainty order, without which you could not, +for the life of you, accomplish any work. There is not a particle of +dust on anything, in sight, or out of sight--which last is quite as +important. All your little pet things are in the right location; +pictures plumb on the wall, work-box and ink-stand tidy and within +hail. Mr. Smith comes in. He wants "a bit of string." Mr. Smith is +always wanting a bit of string. Mr. Smith says kindly (good fellow) +"don't get up, dear, I'll find it." That's just what you are afraid of, +but it won't do to say so; so you sit still and perspire, while Mr. +Smith looks for his "bit of string." First, he throws open the door of +the wrong closet, and knocks down all your dresses, which he catches up +with irreverent haste, and hangs in a heap on the first peg. Then he +says (innocently,) "Oh--h--I went to the wrong closet, didn't I?" Then +he proceeds to the right closet, and finds the "bit of string." In +taking it down he catches it on the neck of a phial. Down it comes +smash--with the contents on the floor. Mr. Smith says "D--estruction!" +in which remark you fully coincide. Then Mr. Smith wants a pair of +scissors to cut his "bit of string;" so he goes to your work-box, which +he upsets, scattering needles, literally at "sixes and sevens," all +over the floor, mixed with bodkins, spools, tape, and torment only +knows what. He gathers them up at one fell swoop, and ladles them back +into the box, in a manner peculiarly and eminently masculine; and asks +if--the--hinge--of--the--lid--of--that--box--was--broken--before, or if +"_he_ did it." As if the rascal didn't know! But of course you tell the +old fib, that it had been loose for some time, and that it was no +manner of consequence; all the while devoutly hoping that this might be +the last mischance. Not a bit of it. "He thinks he will take a little +brandy to set him right." So he uncorks the bottle on the spotless +white toilet-cover of your bureau, spills the brandy all over it, +powders the sugar on the covers of a nice book, and lays the sticky +spoon on a nice lace collar that has just been "done up." Then he +uncorks your cologne-bottle to anoint his smoky whiskers, and sets down +the bottle, leaving the cork out. Then he takes up your gold bracelet +and tries it on his wrist, "to see if it will fit." The "_fit_" need I +say, is _not_ in the bracelet--the fastening of which he breaks. Then +he throws up the window, "to see what sort of a day it is;" and over +goes a vase of flowers, which you have been arranging with all the +skill you were mistress of, to display the perfection of each blossom. +He looks at the vase, and says, "Miserable thing! it was always +ricketty; I must buy you a better one, dear," which you devoutly hope +he will do, though a long acquaintance with that gentleman's habits +does not authorize you in it. Then Mr. Smith goes to the glass and +takes a solemn survey of his beard. Did you ever notice the difference +between a man's and a woman's way of looking in the glass? It is +wonderfully characteristic! Woman perks her head on one side saucily +and well pleased like a bird; man strides in a lordly, dignified way up +to it as if it were a very _petty_ thing for him to do, but meantime +he'd like to catch that glass saying that he is not a fine-looking +fellow! Well--Mr. Smith takes a solemn survey of his beard, which he +fancies "needs clipping," and takes your sharpest and best pair of +scissors, for the wiry operation; the stray under-brush meanwhile +falling wheresoever it best pleases the laws of gravitation to send it. +Then Mr. Smith, says, "Really, dear, this is such a pleasant room, one +hates to leave it, but--alas! business--business." + +"_Business!_" I should think so--business enough, to put that room to +rights, for the next three hours! + + * * * * * + +Did you ever hear an old maid talk about matrimony, or a girl who was +trembling on the brink of old-maidism, and feared to launch away? If +there is anything that effectually disgusts a married woman, it is +that. What can an old maid know about such things? As well might I +write an agricultural and horticultural description of a country by +looking on a map. What pitying compassion she has for married men, +every one of whom is victimized because he did not select _her_ to +make him "the happiest of men"--I believe that is the expression of a +lover when on his suppliant knees; if not, I stand ready to be +corrected--by anybody but an old maid. With what a languishing sigh +she marvels that Mrs. Jones could ever be so criminal, as to neglect +to sew on an ecstatic shirt-button for such a man as Jones; for whom +it would be glory enough to hold a shaving-box while he piled on the +soap-suds, which is her particular element. What a shame that Jones +cannot stifle his own baby, if he feels like it, by smoking in its +face, and leave his boots, and coat, and vest on the parlor floor, if +he takes a fancy to do it. + +Ah--had Jones but a different wife! (And here imagine a sigh which, +for depth and pro-_fun_-dity, none but a sentimental old maid on the +anxious-seat can heave.) What pleasure to black his boots for him of a +morning; to get up in the middle of the night, and cook a tenderloin +beefsteak; to prove her devotion by standing on the front doorstep, +with chattering teeth, in a cold northeaster, waiting for the dear +coat to come home; to hang up his dear hat for him, to put away his +dear cane, to take him up gently with the sugar-tongs, and lay him on +the sofa till tea was ready, and then feed him like a sweet little +bird, bless his shirt-buttons! + +How hot his toast should always be; how strong his tea and coffee; how +sweet his puddings; how mealy his potatoes; how punctually his clean +shirt should be taken out of his drawer for him to put on; how sweetly +his handkerchief should be cologn-ed with her own cologne, and his +cigar-case magnanimously placed by her own hands in his dear little +side-pocket, and how it should be the study of her life to find out +when he wanted to sneeze, and arrest a sunbeam for the purpose. + +Do you know what I wish? + +That all the die-away old maids, who go sighing through creation with +a rose-leaf to their noses, lecturing married women, and sniveling for +their little privileges, had but one neck, and that some muscular +coat-sleeve, equal to the occasion, would give them one satisfying +hug, and stop their nonsense. + + * * * * * + +I never witnessed an execution; but I saw a man the other day, married +he surely was, trying to select a lace collar from out a dainty cobweb +heap, sufficiently perplexing even to a practised female eye. The +clumsy way he poised the gauzy things on his forefinger, with his head +askew, trying to comprehend their respective merits! The long, weary +sigh he drew, as the shopman handed him new specimens. The look of +relief with which he heard _me_ inquire for lace collars, saying, as +plain as looks could say, "Ah! now, thank Heaven, I shall have a +woman's view of the subject!" The _disinterested_ manner in which, +with this view, he pushed a stool forward for me to sit down, to watch +upon which collar my eye fell complacently, all the while turning over +_his_ heap in the same idiotic way. Oh, it was funny! Of course, I +kept him on the anxious seat a little while, persistently holding my +tongue, the better to enjoy his dilemma. Didn't he fidget? + +At length, fearful he might rush out for strychnine, I spake. I +descanted upon shape, and texture, and pattern, and upon the +probability of their "doing up" well, to all of which my rueful knight +listened like a criminal who scents a reprieve. Then I made my +selection; then he chose two exactly like mine, before you could wink, +and with a sublime gratitude, refused to let the shopman consider the +bill that was fluttering in his gloved fingers, "till he had made +change for the lady." We understood each other, for there are cases in +which words are superfluous. No doubt his wife thought his taste in +collars was excellent. + + * * * * * + +Men have _one_ virtue; for instance: How delicious is their blunt, +honest frankness toward each other, in their every-day intercourse, +(politicians excepted,) in contrast with the polite little subterfuges, +which form the basis of women-friendships. When one man goes to make a +man-call on another, he talks when he pleases, and puts up his heels, +and _don't_ talk when he don't please. He is free to take a nap, or to +take a book; and his host is as free, when he has had enough of him, or +has any call away, to put on his hat and go out to attend to it: nor +does the caller feel himself aggrieved. Now a woman's nose, under +similar circumstances, would be up in the air a month, with the +"slight" her female friend had put upon her. The more a woman _don't_ +want her friend to stay, the more she is bound to urge her to do it; +and to ask her why she hadn't called before; and to wish that she might +never go away, and all that sort of thing. What she remarks to her +husband in private about it, afterward, is a thing you and I have +nothing to do with. When two men meet, after a long absence, ten to one +the first salutation is, "Old boy, how ugly you've grown." In the +female department we reverse this. "I never saw you look prettier," +being the preface to the aside--(what a fright she has become). +Then--("blest be the tie that binds")--mark one man meet another in the +street--light his cigar at that other's nose, and pass on--without +knowing the important fact, whether he lives in "a brown-stone front" +or not. How instructive the free-and-easy-and-audacious-manner in +which, after this ceremony, they go their several ways to their +tombstones, without a spoken word. See them in the streets, my sisters, +exchanging passing remarks on any object of momentary street-interest, +looking over one another's shoulders at each other's "extras," all the +same as if they had been introduced in an orthodox Grundy fashion. + +See them walk boldly up to a looking-glass, in a show window, and +honestly stare at their ridiculous solemn selves, whereas, you women, +pretend to be examining something else, when you are bent on a like +errand, intent on smoothing your ruffled feathers. + +The other day, in an omnibus, a man took a seat near the door, and not +willing to step across the ladies' dresses, "nudged" a man above him +to hand up his fare. Now the nudged creature was out of sorts--wanted +his dinner or something--and so sat like an image, without responding; +another nudge--with no better success--not a muscle of the nudged +man's face moved. At last, with a heightened color, the new-comer +handed it up himself; but he _didn't_ talk to his next elbow-neighbor +about "_some_ people being _so_ disagreeable," or call him a "nasty +thing;" or try to look him into eternal annihilation, for what was +really an ungracious action. He only rubbed his left ear a little, and +put his mind on something else, and he looked very well while he was +doing it, too. + +If one woman is visiting another at her house, and the latter goes up +stairs for anything, her female guest trots right after her, like a +little haunting dog. If she goes to the closet to get her gaiters, the +shadow follows; she must be present when they are laced on; and +discusses rights and lefts, and hosiery, etc. When her hostess goes to +the glass, to arrange her hair, or put on her bonnet, the shadow +follows, leaning both arms on the toilet-table to witness the +operation. Without this bandbox-freemason-confidence, you see at once +that female-friendship could not be that sacred intermingling of +congenial natures that it is. Your friend would weep, sirs, and ask +you "what she had done to be treated so." + +A mouse and a woman! I know one of the latter, who always gets upon a +table if she sees either coming. Lady Mary Wortley Montagu said a very +witty thing once. I am afraid that not even her discovery of +inoculation will cancel the sin of it. It was this: "The only comfort +I ever had in being a woman is, that I can never marry one." + +The moral of all this is, that women need reforming in their +intercourse with one another. There should be less kissing among them, +and more sincerity; less "palaver," and more reticence. But if you +think I am going to tell them this in person, you _must_ needs suppose +that I have already arranged my sublunary affairs in case of accident. +This not being the case, I decline the office, except so far as I can +fill it at a safe distance on paper. + + * * * * * + +But then again what poor creatures are men when sick. + +One might smile, were it not so pitiful, to see the impatience with +which strong, active men succumb to the necessity of lying a few weeks +on a bed of sickness. The petulance which they in vain try to smother, +at pills and potions, in place of their favorite dish, or drink, or +cigar. The many orders they give, and countermand, in the same breath, +to the wife and mother, who calmly accepts all this as part of her +woman lot, and who dare not, for the life of her, smile at the fuss +this caged lion is making, because his rations are cut off for a few +days. This "being sick patiently," is a lesson we think man has yet to +learn; but it is a good thing that they are sometimes laid on the +shelf awhile, that they may better appreciate the cheerful endurance +with which the feeble wife-mother bears the household cares all the +same--on the pillow where lies with her the newly-born. Pain and +weakness never interrupt her constant, careful forethought for her +family. Husbands are too apt to take these every-day heroisms as +matters of course. Therefore we say again, it is well sometimes that +their attention should be awakened to it, when the doctor has vetoed +for them awhile the office and the counting-room, and they are +childishly frantic at gruel and closed blinds. + + * * * * * + +A woman's education is generally considered to be finished when she is +married, whereas she has only arrived at A B C. If husbands took half +the thought for, or interest in, their wives' _minds_, that wives are +obliged to take for their husbands' _bodies_, women would be more +intelligent. A missing button or string is often the cause of a bitter +outcry; but what of the little woman who sits twiddling her thumbs in +the presence of her husband's intelligent visitors, because she has +not the slightest idea what they are all talking about, and because, +if she wouldn't mortify her husband, she must forever keep speechless? +The _intelligent_ husband, who, from fear of jeopardizing his +puddings or his coffee, rests contented with this state of things, is +guilty of an injustice toward that little woman, of which he ought to +be heartily ashamed. True, when he married her this difference did not +exist, or if it did, the glamour of youth and beauty, like a soft +mist-veil over a landscape, hid, or clothed with loveliness, even +defects. Because her youth and beauty have been uncomplainingly +transmitted to his many children, whose little mouths must be fed, and +little feet tended, _not_ always by a hireling, through the long day; +and whose little garments must be often planned and made, when she +would gladly rest, while they sleep: should he, who is free to read +and think, he who, coming in contact with strong, reflecting minds, +has left her far behind, _never_ turn a loving glance back, and with +his own strong hand and encouraging smile, beg her not to sit down +discouraged by the wayside--_she_, who "hath done what she could?" It +is a _shame_ for such a man to put on his soul's festival-dress for +everybody _but_ her who should be his soul's queen. It is a shame for +a man to be willing so to degrade the mother and teacher of his +children. It is a shame for him, while she sits sewing by his side, +never to raise her drooping self-respect, by addressing an intelligent +word to her about the book he is reading, or the subject upon which he +is thinking, as he sits looking into the fire. I marvel and wonder at +the God-like patience of these _upper housekeepers_, or I _should_, +had I not seen them dropping tears over the faces of their sleeping +children, to cool their hearts. + +I want to hear no nonsense about the mental "equality or inequality of +the sexes." I am sick of it; that is a question men always start when +women ask for _justice_, to dodge a fair answer. They may be equal or +unequal--that's not what I am talking about. Napoleon the Third gives +his dear French people diversions, fête days, and folly of all kinds, +if they will only let _him_ manage the politics. Our domestic +Napoleons, too many of them, give flattery, bonnets and bracelets to +women, and everything else _but_--justice; _that_ question is one for +_them_ to decide, and many a gravestone records how it is done. + +An intelligent man sometimes satisfies his conscience by saying of his +wife, Oh, she's a good little woman, but there is one chamber in my +soul through whose window she is not tall enough to peep. Get her but +a footstool to stand on, Mr. Selfishness, and see how quick she will +leap over that window sill! In short, _show but the disposition_ to +help her, and some manly, loving interest in her progress, instead of +striding on alone, as you do, in your seven league mental boots, +without a thought of her, and take my word for it, if you are thus +_just_ to her, and if she loves you, which last, by the way, all wives +would do, if husbands were truly _just_, and you will find that though +she has but average intellect, you will soon be astonished at the +progress of your pupil. + +I am not unaware that there are men whom the tailor makes, and women +who are manufactured by the dress-maker, and that they often marry +each other. Let such fulfill their august destiny--to dress. I know +that there are women much more intelligent than their husbands; let +such show their intelligence by appearing not to know it. Still, it +remains as I have said, that there exist the wives and mothers whose +cause I now plead, fulfilling each day, not hopelessly--God forbid! +but sometimes with a sad sinking of heart, the duties which no true +wife or mother will neglect, even under circumstances rendered so +disheartening by the husband and father, of whose praise, perhaps, the +world is full. Let the latter see to it, that while the momentous +question, "What _shall_ I get for dinner?" may never, though the +heavens should fall, evade her daily and earnest consideration, that +_he_ would sometimes, by his intelligent conversation, _when there is +no company_, recognize the existence of the _soul_ of this married +housekeeper. + + + + +_GRANDMOTHER'S CHAT ABOUT CHILDREN AND CHILDHOOD._ + + +"What can fascinate you in that ugly beast?" + +This question was addressed to me, while regarding intently a camel in +a collection of animals. "Ugly?" To me he was poetry itself. I was a +little girl again. I was kneeling down at my little chair at family +prayers. I didn't understand the prayers. "The Jews" were a sealed +book to me then. I didn't know why "a solemn awe" should fall upon me +either; or what _was_ a solemn awe, anyhow. For a long time, I know, +till I was quite a big girl, I thought it was one word--thus, +_solemnor_--owing to the rapid manner in which it was pronounced. +_Where_ the heathen were going to be "brought in," or what they were +coming for, I didn't understand; and as to "justification," and +"sanctification," and "election," it was no use trying. But the walls +of the pleasant room where family prayers were held, were papered with +"a Scripture paper." There were great feathery palm-trees. There were +stately females bearing pitchers on their heads. There were Isaac and +Rebecca at the well; and there were _camels_, humped, bearing heavy +burdens, with long flexile necks, resting under the curious, feathery +trees, with their turbaned attendants. I understood _that_. To be +sure, the blue was, as I now recollect it, sometimes on their noses as +well as on the sky; and the green was on their hair as well as on the +grass; but at the pinafore-age we are not hypercritical. To me it was +fairy-land; and often when "Amen" was said, I remained with my little +chin in my palms, staring at my beloved camels, unconscious of the +breakfast that was impending, for our morning prayers were said on an +empty stomach. + +I hear, now, the soft rustle of my mother's dress, as she rose after +the "Amen." I see the roguish face of my baby brother, whose perfect +beauty was long since hid under the coffin lid. I see the servants, +disappearing through the door that led down to the kitchen, whence +came the fragrant odor of coming coffee. I see my mother's flowering +plants in the window, guiltless of dust or insect, blossoming like her +virtues and goodness, perennially. I see black curly heads, and flaxen +curly heads, of all sizes, but _all_ "curly," ranged round the +breakfast table; the names of many of their owners are on marble slabs +in Mount Auburn now. + +So you understand why I "stood staring at that ugly beast," in the +collections of animals, and thinking of the changes, in all these long +years, that had passed so swiftly; for now I am fifty-four, if I am a +minute. And how wonderful it was, that after such a lapse of time, and +so thickly crowded with events, that this family-morning-prayer-hour +should come up with such astonishing vividness, at sight of that +camel. Oh! I shall always love a camel. He will never look "ugly" to +me. I am not sorry, nor ever have been, that I was brought up to +"family prayers," unintelligible though they _then_ were to me. + +I hunted up those "Jews" after I got bigger, and many other things, +too, the names of which got wedged crosswise in my childish memory, +and stuck there. They never did me any harm, that ever I found out. I +have sent up many a prayer, both in joy and sorrow, since then, but +not always "on my knees," which was considered essential in those +days. As to the "solemn awe," I don't understand it now any better +than when I was a child. I can't feel it, in praying, any more than I +should when running to some dear, tried friend, with a burdened heart, +to sob my grief away there, till I grew peaceful again. And all this +came of a Camel. + + * * * * * + +And _now_ I am a grandmother! and here come the holidays again. As I +look into the crowded toyshops, I think, how lucky for their owners +that children will always keep on being born, and that every one of +them will have a grandmother. Uncles, and aunts, and cousins, are all +very well, and fathers and mothers are not to be despised; but a +_grandmother_, at holiday time, is worth them all. She might have +given her own children crooked-necked squashes, and cucumbers, for +dolls; with old towels pinned on by way of dresses, and trusted to +their imaginations to supply all deficiencies. But this +grandchild--ah! that's quite another affair. Is there anything good +enough or costly enough for her? What if she smash her little china +tea-set the minute she gets it? What if she break her wax doll? What +if she maim and mutilate all the animals in her Noah's Ark? What if +she perforate her big India-rubber ball with the points of the +scissors? What if she tear the leaves from out her costly picture +books? They have made the little dear happy, five minutes, at least; +and grandmother has lived long enough to know that five minutes of +genuine happiness, in this world, is not to be despised. And that, +after all, is the secret of a grandmother's indulgence. It isn't a +weakness, as your puckery, sour people pretend. Grandmother has +_lived_. She knows what life amounts to. She knows it is nothing but +_broken toys_ from the cradle to the grave. She knows that happy, +chirping, radiant little creature before her, has all this experience +to go through; and so, ere it comes, she watches with jealous care +that nothing shall defraud her of one sunbeam of childhood. Childhood! +She strains her gaze far beyond that, away into misty womanhood. She +would fain live to stand between her and her first inevitable woman's +heartache. From under her feet she would extract every thorn, remove +every pebble. The winds that should blow upon her should be soft and +perfumed. Every drop of blood in her body, every pulse of her heart, +cries out, Oh! let her be happy. Alas! with all her knowledge, and +notwithstanding all her chastening, she forgets, and ever will forget, +when looking at that child, that the crown comes _after_ the cross. + +Broken Toys! As I picked them up under my feet this morning, where +they had been tossed by careless little fingers, I fell thinking--just +what I have told you. + + * * * * * + +I wish some philosopher would tell me at what age a child's +naughtiness _really_ begins. I am led to make this remark because I am +subject to the unceasing ridicule of certain persons, who shall be +nameless, who sarcastically advise me "to practice what I preach." As +if, to begin with, anybody ever did _that_, from Adam's time down. You +see before I punish, or cause to be punished, a little child, I want +to be sure that it hasn't got the stomach-ache; or is not cutting some +tooth; or has not, through the indiscretion, or carelessness or +ignorance of those intrusted with it, partaken of some indigestible +mess, to cause its "naughtiness," as it is called. Then--I want those +people who counsel me to such strict justice with a mere baby, to +reflect how many times a day, according to this rule, _they_ +themselves ought to be punished for impatient, cross words; +proceeding, it may be, from teeth, or stomach, or head, or nerves; but +just as detrimental as to the results as if they came from meditated, +adult naughtiness. + +Scruples of conscience, you see--that's it. However, yesterday I said: +Perhaps I _am_ a little soft in this matter; perhaps it _is_ time I +began. So I stiffened up to it. + +"Tittikins," said I to the cherub in question, "don't throw your hat +on the floor; bring it to me, dear." + +"I san't," replied Tittikins, who has not yet compassed the letter +_h_. "I san't,"--with the most trusting, bewitching little smile, as +if I were only getting up a new play for her amusement, and +immediately commenced singing to herself: + + "Baby bye, + Here's a fly-- + Let us watch him, + You and I;" + +adding, "Didn't I sing that pretty?" + +Now I ask you, was I to get up a fight with that dear little happy +thing, just to carry my point? I tell you my "government" on that +occasion was a miserable failure; I made up my mind, after deep +reflection, that if it was not quite patent that a child was really +malicious, it was best not to worry it with petty matters; I made up +my mind that I would concentrate my strength on the first _lie_ it +told, and be conveniently blind to lesser peccadilloes. This course is +just what I get abused for. But, I stood over a little coffin once, +with part of my name on the silver plate; and somehow it always comes +between me and this governing business. I think I know what you'll +reply to this; and in order that you may have full justification for +abusing me, I will own that the other day, when I said to Tittikins, +"Now, dear, if you put your hands inside your cup of milk again, I +must really punish you," that little three-year-older replied, in the +_chirp-est_ voice, "No, you won't! I know better." And one day, when I +_really_ shut my teeth together, and with a great throb of martyrdom, +spanked the back of that dear little hand, she fixed her great, soft, +brown, unwinking eyes on me, and said, "I'm brave--I don't mind it!" +You can see for yourself that this practical application of the story +of the Spartan boy and the fox, which I had told her the day before, +was rather unexpected. + +Tittikins has no idea of "the rule that won't work both ways." Not +long since, she wanted my pen and ink, which, for obvious reasons, I +declined giving. She acquiesced, apparently, and went on with her +play. Shortly after, I said, "Tittikins, bring me that newspaper, will +you?" "No," she replied, with Lilliputian dignity. "If you can't +please me, I can't please you." The other day she was making an +ear-splitting racket with some brass buttons, in a tin box, when I +said, "Can't you play with something else, dear, till I have done +writing?" "But I like this best," she replied. "It makes my head ache, +though," I said. "You poor dear, you," said Tittikins, patronizingly, +as she threw the obnoxious plaything down, and rushed across the room +to put her arms around my neck--"you _poor_ dear, you, of tourse I +won't do it, then." + +I have given it up; with shame and confusion of face, I own that child +_governs me_. I know her _heart_ is all right; I know there's not a +grain of _badness_ in her; I know she would die to-day, if she hadn't +those few flaws to keep her alive. In short, she's _my grandchild_. +Isn't that enough? + +But all this does not prevent my giving sensible advise to others. Now +I am perfectly well aware, that there comes a time in the life of +every little child, how beautiful, winning and pleasant soever it may +be, when it hoists with its tiny hand the rebel flag of defiance to +authority. You may walk round another way, and choose not to see it, +and fancy you will have no farther trouble. You may hug to your heart +all its sweet cunning ways, and say--after all, what does it matter? +it is but a child; it knows no better; it will outgrow all that; it is +best not to notice it; I can't bear to be harsh with it; it will be a +great deal of trouble to fight it out, should the child happen to be +persistent: it is a matter of no consequence; and such like +sophistries. I say you may try in this way to dodge a question that +has got some time or other to be met fair and square in the face; and +you may persuade yourself, all the while, that you are thus loving +your own ease, that you are loving your child; but both it and you, +will at some future day see the terrible mistake. + +"Oh, why did my father, or my mother, _let_ me do thus and so?" has +been the anguished cry of many a shame-stricken man and woman whose +parents reasoned after this manner. + +Now, the point at issue between the child and yourself may seem +trifling. It may be very early in its life that it is made. Perhaps +scarcely past the baby age, it may insist, when well and healthy, +upon being sung or rocked in the arms to sleep, and that by some one +particular person. Now, you are perfectly sure this is unnecessary, +and that it would be much better for the child, apart from the +inconvenience of the practice, to be laid quietly in its bed, with +only some trustful person to watch it. But you reason, it has always +been used to this, and I may have to hear it cry every night for a +week before I can teach it. Well--and what then? The child, to be good +for anything, must be taught some time or other that it cannot gain +its point by crying. Why not now? Of course it should not be placed in +bed till it is sufficiently weary; nor should it be frightened at +being left in a dark room alone, or left alone at all, while the trial +is being made. This attended to, if it cry--let it cry. It will be a +struggle of two or three nights and no more; perhaps not that; and the +moral lesson is learned; after that obedience comes easy. + +It is a mistake to suppose, you who are so greedy of a child's love, +that it is more attached to that person who indulges its every whim, +than to the one who can firmly pronounce the monosyllable no, when +necessary. The most brutal word I ever heard spoken, was from a grown +man to a widowed mother, who belonged to that soul-destroying class of +parents who "could never deny a child anything" and whose whole life +had been one slavish endeavor to gratify his every whim without regard +to her own preferences or inclination; and whenever you see such a +man, you may know he had just such a mother; or, having one wiser, +that her attempts at government had been neutralized by one of the +don't-cry-dear-and-you-shall-have-it fathers. It is so strange that +parents who crave to be so fondly remembered by their children in +after years, should be thus short-sighted. It is so strange, that when +they desire next to this, that everybody else should consider their +children supremely lovely and winning, that they should take so direct +a method to render them perfectly disagreeable. Strange that they +should never reflect that some poor wife, in the future, will rue the +day she ever married that selfish, domineering tyrant, now in embryo +in that little boy. Strange that the mother of that blue-eyed little +girl never thinks that the latter may curse her own daughter with that +same passionate temper, which never knew paternal restraint. Stranger +still, that parents launching these little voyagers on the wide ocean +of time, without chart, rudder, or compass, should, when in after days +they suffer total shipwreck, close the doors of their hearts, and +homes, in their shamed and sorrowful faces. + + * * * * * + +I think there is nothing on earth so lovely as the first waking of a +little child in the morning. The gleeful, chirping voice. The bright +eye. The lovely rose-tint of the cheek. The perfect happiness--the +perfect faith in all future to-morrows! + +We who have lain our heads on our pillows so often, with great sorrows +for company; who have tossed, and turned, and writhed, and counted +the lagging hours, and prayed even for the briefest respite in +forgetfulness; who have mercifully slept at last, and our dead have +come back to us, with their smiles and their love, strong enough to +cover any shortcomings of ours. We who have awoke in the morning, with +a sharp shuddering cry at the awful reality, and closed our eyes again +wearily upon the sweet morning light, and the song of birds, and the +scent of flowers, every one of which have given us pangs keener than +death; we who have risen, and with a dead, dull weight at the heart, +moved about mechanically like one walking in sleep, through the gray, +colorless treadmill routine of to-day, a wonder to ourselves;--ah! +with what infinite love and pity do we look upon the blithe waking of +the little child! As it leaps trustfully into our arms, with its +morning caress and its soft cheek to our face, how hard it is +sometimes to keep the eyes from overflowing with the pent-up pain of +the slow years. Oh, the sweet beguilement of that caress! The +trustful, lisping question, which shames us out of our tears, for that +which tears may never bring back. The unconscious bits of wisdom +stammeringly voiced, and left disjointed, and half expressed, in favor +of some childish quip or prank of the moment, which makes us doubt +whether we have most sage or most baby before us. The saucy little +challenge "to play!" + +_We_ play? We swallow a great sob and get obediently down on the +carpet to "build block-houses;" and when the little one laughs, as the +tall structure reels, and topples, and finally falls over, and +merrily stands there, showing the little white teeth, clapping hands, +and peeping into our faces, and says reproachfully, "What are you +thinking about? Why don't _you_ laugh?"--we thank God she has so long +a time before she finds out that grieving "_why_." We thank God that +deep and keen as the child is at one moment, she is so ridiculously +butter-fly-ish the next. + +And then, at its bidding, we set up the chairs and tables in the +baby-house, and locate the numerous families of dolls, in cradles and +beds, and in parlors; and answer the mimic questions about how "live +people" keep house; and play "doctor," and play "nurse," and "play +have them die," and see them twitched out of bed five minutes after +they have departed this life, to be dressed for a party. And in spite +of ourselves, we laugh at the absurd whimsicalities carried out with +such adult earnestness and gravity. + +And yet there are people in the world who don't see a child's mission +in a household; who look upon it as a doll to be dressed, or an animal +to be fed, or a nuisance to be kept out of sight as much as possible. +Heaven bless us, when no other voice or touch or presence can be +borne, a child is often the unconscious Saviour who whispers to the +troubled elements of the soul, "Peace, be still!" + + * * * * * + +Has it ever happened to you that life's contrasts were so sharply +presented, that you were smitten with shamed pain at being housed, +and clad, and fed, and comfortable, as if you had been guilty of a +great wrong, or injustice, that should be immediately wiped out. + +Soon after a deep fall of snow, when fleet horses were flying in all +directions to the tune of merry bells, and the sharp, crisp air was +like wine to the fur-robed riders, I saw a little creature, muffled to +the tip of her pretty nose by the careful hand of love, led down the +steps of a nice house, to a little gaily-painted sleigh, with +cushioned seat, and pretty bells, and soft, warm wrappings, to take +her first ride in the new present "Santa-Claus" had brought her. Three +grown persons were in waiting, to see that she was lifted gently in, +and tucked up, and her hands and feet comfortably bestowed, before +starting on this, her first sleigh-ride. Her bright eyes sparkled with +delight, her voice was merrier than the bells, and the bright rose of +her cheek told of warmth and happiness and plenty. Just three years +old: and as far as _she_ had ever known, _life was all just like +that_. Just at that minute came along another little creature, also +just three years old, and stood by the side of the gaily-painted +little sleigh, looking at its laughing little occupant. _Her_ face was +blue and pinched. A ragged handkerchief was tied over her tangled +brown hair. _Her_ thin cotton dress scarce covered the little purple +knees. _Her_ blue, small fingers held the inevitable beggar's basket, +and the shawl for which the cold wind was contending, left her little +breast and shoulders quite bare. And there she stood, and gazed at +her happier little sister. Merciful Heaven! the horrible contrast, the +terrible mystery of it! Only three years of her sad life gone! So +_much_ of this to endure! and so much still more dreadful that "three +years" could not _yet_ dream of. What had the one child more than the +other done, that each should stand--one with steady, one with +tottering feet--on either side of that dreadful gulf, eying one +another in that guileless, silent way, more terrible to witness than +pen of mine can ever tell? + +Well, the little painted sleigh slid away with its merry freight, and +"three years old" stood still and looked after it. She could not +comprehend, had she been told, the sad thoughts that sent down the +shower of pennies from the window above on her little beggar's basket. +But she looked up and said, timidly, "Thank you," with a shy, little +happy smile, as she scrambled them up out of the snow at her feet. +Poor, little baby!--for she was nothing more. And there are hundreds +just like her in New York. There's the pity of it. Your _men_ beggars +don't fret me, unless crippled. If a _woman_ can earn an honest living +in the face of so many society and custom-dragons, surely a _man_ +ought, or starve. But these babies--oh! it is dreadful. And the more +pitiful you are to them, the harder their lot is; since the more +_substantial_ pity they excite, the more profitable they become to the +callous wretches who live by it. + +And after all, these two little "three years old" may yet change +places. God knows. Often I meet, in my walks, a lady elegantly +apparelled--sometimes in her own carriage, sometimes walking--who +once stood shivering at area doors, like that little owner of the +beggar's basket--_now_ an honored and happy wife and mother. They +don't _all_ go down--down--as inexorable time grinds on. Still the +exceptions are so rare, unless they are snatched away by the +sheltering arms of death, or love, before pollution becomes indelible, +that they are easily counted. + +Back comes the gay little sleigh and the rosy "three years old!" Now +she is taken carefully into the house, and some warm milk prepared for +her, and slippers are warmed for her feet, and her face covered with +kisses; and playthings, which are legion, spread before her; and the +whole house is on its knees, listening to her prattle, and rejoicing +in her presence, that fills the house like the perfume of a sweet +flower, like the warm rays of the sun, like the song of a bird. And +the other? Read this from the daily paper: "Yesterday, a little +beggar-girl, three years old, was run over by the street-car, +at ---- street, while attempting to cross, and instantly killed." Better +so. One short pang, and all the suffering over. + + * * * * * + +Walking behind a father and his prattling child--a fairy little +girl--the other day, I heard a bit of human nature. "I mean to have a +tea-party," lisped the little thing; "a tea-party, papa." "Do you?" +said the father; "Well, whom shall you invite?" "I shan't ask anybody +who don't have tea at _their_ houses," replied the little woman. +"There's worldly wisdom," thought we, "in pantalettes. _So young and +so calculating!_" We smiled--who could help it?--at the little mite; +but we sighed, also. We would rather have heard those infantile lips +say: "I shall ask everybody who _don't_ have tea at their +houses,"--not as a mocking-bird or parrot would say it, as a lesson +taught, but because it was the out-gushing of a warm little unspoiled +heart. That child but echoed, probably, what she had listened to +unobserved, from mamma's lips, on the eve of some party or dinner. The +child who sits playing with its doll, be it remembered, oh mothers, is +not always deaf, dumb, and blind to what is passing around, though it +may seem so. The seed dropped carelessly then, may take root, and +develop into a tree, under whose withering influence your every +earthly hope shall perish. + + * * * * * + +Sometimes one thinks what a pity children should ever grow up. The +other day, passing through an entry of one of our public buildings, I +saw two little boys, of the ages of six and eight, with their arms +about each other's neck, exchanging kiss after kiss. It was such a +pretty sight, in that noisy den of business, that one could but stop +to look. The younger of the children, noticing this, looked up with +such a heaven of love in his face, and said, in explanation, "_he is +my brother_!" Pity they should ever grow up, thought we, as we passed +along. Pity that the world, with its clashing interests of business, +love, and politics, should ever come between them. Pity that they +should ever coldly exchange finger-tips, or, more wretched still, not +even exchange glances. Pity that one should sorrow, and grieve, and +hunger, and thirst, and yearn for sympathy, while the other should +sleep, and eat, and drink, unmindful of his fate. Pity that one with +meek-folded hands should pass into the land of silence, and no tear of +repentance and affection fall upon his marble face from the eyes of +his "brother." Such things have been. That is why we thought, pity +they should ever grow up!--"_Heaven lies so near us in our infancy._" + + + + +_WOMEN AND THEIR DISCONTENTS._ + + +A gentleman asked me the other day, "Why are the women of the present +day so discontented with their lot?" Now there was no denying the +fact, staring, as it does, from every page of "women's books," peeping +out under the flimsy veil of a jest in their conversation, or boldly +challenging your attention in some rasping sarcasm, according to the +taste or humor of the writer or speaker. "Men _can't_ be such devils +as these women seem to suppose," said a gentleman anxious for the +credit of his sex; "and women ought to be able to fulfill the duties +of wives and mothers without such constant complaint. Now my +grandmother"--Here I laid a finger on his lip. Do you know, said I, +that you have this very minute, to use a slang phrase--unladylike, +perhaps, but expressive--do you know that you have this very minute +"put your foot in it?" Do you know that if there is anything in the +world that makes a woman discontented and discouraged, it is to have +some piece of ossified female perfection, in the shape of a relative, +held up to her imitation by her husband--some woman, with chalk and +water in her veins, instead of blood, who is "good" merely because she +is _petrified_? Now, how would a man like his wife constantly to +remind him of the very superior manner in which her grandfather +conducted his business matters? how superior to his was his way of +book-keeping, and of managing his various clerks and subordinates? how +like clockwork he always arranged everything?--and suppose she says +this, too, at moments when her husband had done his very best to be +true to his duties. I wonder how long before he would exclaim, Oh! +bother your grandfather; he did business _his_ way, and I shall do my +business mine. + +Now you see how I have lost patience, as well as what I was going to +say, by the vision of your grandmother, sir. What I was going to +remark when you interrupted me, was this: that, in my opinion, the +root of all this discontent is the prevailing physical inability of +women to face the inevitable cares and duties of married life. Added +to this, the want of magnanimity and _un_wisdom that men show, in +lifting the eyebrow of indifference, or ill-disguised vexation, when +the very fragility they fell in love with, staggers and falls under +the burdens of life. Now were these husbands about to possess a horse, +they would consider first whether they wanted a farm-horse or a fancy +horse--a working animal or an ornamental one. Having chosen the +latter, they would be very careful to choose a carriage of _light +weight_ for it to draw, and not finding one sufficiently light, would +be very apt to have one manufactured on purpose, rather than run the +risk of overtasking the animal's powers. They would treat him +carefully, feed him well, see that he rested sufficiently when weary; +pat him, coax him, instead of lashing and goading him, when, for some +unknown reason, his steps seemed to falter. Now is a man's wife of +less consequence than his horse? Is it less necessary he should stop +to consider, before he marries her, _why_ he wants her? and having +settled that question, make his choice accordingly, after having also +considered what means are at his disposal to carry out his intentions +as to their mutual comfort? In old times, many men married only to get +their butter churned, their cheese made, their clothes mended, and +their meals prepared, their wives raising pigs and children in the +intervals. By this humanitarian process, all that was left of a wife +at thirty, was a horn-comb, inserted in six hairs, on the top of her +head, and a figure resembling the letter _C_. The men of the present +day seemed to have learned no better how to _husband_ their wives. +Their eye is caught by a pretty pink-and-white creature, who steps +about gracefully and gleefully in her father's comfortable, +well-appointed house. They never consider _has she good health_? _Will +she make a healthy Mother?_ nor the good sense to turn resolutely +away, and say, it would be cruelty in me to take her feeble prettiness +from that warmly lined nest, to a home in the performance of whose +duties she would inevitably break down. Nor do they say, when they +have made the irretrievable mistake of marrying her, and find this +weary, discouraged little woman crying over it, "Poor child, I ought +to have foreseen all this, but as I didn't, I must love and comfort +you all the more." Not a bit of it. The more they have been to blame, +the more they blame _her_, and point with exacting finger to that +horrid, stereotyped piece of perfection, "_my_ grandmother." Then they +prate to her about patience--"Job's patience." Now if there _is_ a +proverb that needs re-vamping, it is "_The patience of Job_." In the +first place, Job _wasn't_ patient. Like all the rest of his sex, from +that day to the present, he could be heroic only for a little while at +a time. He _began_ bravely; but ended, as most of them do under +annoyance, by cursing and swearing. Patient as Job! Did Job ever try, +when he was hungry, to eat shad with a frisky baby in his lap? Did Job +ever, after nursing one all night, and upon taking his seat at the +breakfast-table the morning after, pour out coffee for six people, and +second cups after that, before he had a chance to take a mouthful +himself? Pshaw! I've no patience with "Job's patience." It is of no +use to multiply instances; but there's not a faithful house-mother in +the land who does not out-distance him in the sight of men and angels, +every hour in the twenty-four. + +Think of the case of our farmers' wives. Now, just consider it a +little. Next to being a minister's wife, I think I should dread being +the wife of a farmer. Sometimes, indeed, the terms are synonymous. +Raising children and chickens, _ad infinitum_; making butter, cheese, +bread, and the national and omnipresent pie; cutting, making and +mending the clothes for a whole household, not to speak of doing +their washing and ironing; taking care of the pigs and the vegetable +garden; making winter-apple sauce by the barrel, and pickling myriads +of cucumbers; drying fruits and herbs; putting all the twins through +the measles, whooping-cough, mumps, scarlet-fever and chicken-pox; +besides keeping a perpetual river of hot grease on the kitchen table, +in which is to float potatoes, carrots, onions and turnips for the +ravenous maws of the "farm-hands." + +No wonder that the poor things look harassed, jaded and toil-worn, +long before they arrive at middle age. No wonder that a life so hard +and angular, should obliterate all the graces of femininity--when no +margin is left, year after year, for those little refinements which a +woman under any pressure of circumstances, naturally and rightly +desires, and lacking which, she is inevitably unhappy and coarsened. + +Now your farmer is a round, stalwart, comfortable animal. There is no +baby wailing at _his_ pantaloons while he ploughs or makes fences. +_He_ lies down under the nearest tree and rests, or sleeps, when he +can no longer work with profit. He comes in to his dinner with the +appetite of a hyena, and the digestion of a rhinoceros, and goes forth +again to the hayfield till called home to supper. _There_ is his wife, +and too often with the same frowsy head with which she rose in the +morning, darting hither and thither for whatever is wanted, or helping +the hungry, children or the farm-hands. After the supper is finished +come the dish-washing, and milking, and the thought for to-morrow's +breakfast; and then perhaps all night she sleeps with one eye open for +a baby or a sick child, and rises again to pursue the same unrelieved, +treadmill, wearing round, the next day. + +Now the uppermost idea in the minds of too many farmers is, _how to +get the greatest possible amount of work out of their wives_. A poorer +policy than this can scarcely be. They treat their cattle better. If +they are about to be presented with a fine calf or colt, they take +pains that the prospective mother is well cared for, both before and +after the event. The farmer who would not do this would be considered +extremely short-sighted. Their cattle are not allowed to be +overworked, or underfed, or abused in any way. Now, pray, is not a +farmer's wife as valuable an animal as a cow, or a horse, even looking +at the practical side of it? Is it not as important to have a sound, +healthy mother of children, as to have a healthy mare or cow? You may +say that no woman should marry a farmer, who does not _expect to +work_. I say, in reply, that woman was never intended to split or +carry wood, or to carry heavy pails or buckets of water. And yet how +many farmers can we count who ever think of the women of the house, in +regard to the distance or proximity of the wood or the water to the +kitchen? while too many grudge to these overworked women that +labor-saving apparatus in every department of their work, which would +prolong their lives years, to a family of growing children. Then, to +grudge such an industrious wife decent raiment, wherewith to make +herself and her children neat and comfortable, is a shame. To oblige +_such_ a woman to plead like a beggar for the dollar she has earned a +thousand times over _in any family but his own_, should make him +blush. Look at our farmers' wives all over the land, and see if, with +rare exceptions, their toil-worn, harassed faces do not indorse my +statement. Every mother should have time to _talk_ with her +children--to acquaint herself with their souls as well as their +bodies--to do something besides wash their faces and clothes. And how +are these hurried, weary women to find it? Of what avail is it to +those children who _come up_, but who are not _brought up_, that +another meadow, or another barn, is added to the family inheritance, +when the grass waves over the mother's tombstone before their +childhood and youth is past? or when they can remember her only as a +fretted, querulous, care-burdened, over-tasked creature, who was +always jostling them out of the way to catch up some burden which she +dare not drop, though she drop by the way herself. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, "the Day of Rest," so called, to many mothers of families, is +the most toilsome day of the whole week. Children, too young to go to +church, must of course be cared for at home; domestics on that day, of +all others, expect their liberty. The father of the family, also, in +many cases, thinks it hard if, after a week's labor, he too cannot +roam _without_ his family; never remembering that his wife, for the +same reason, needs rest equally with himself, instead of shouldering +on that day a double burden. Weary with family cares, she remembers +the good word of cheer to which she has in days gone by listened from +some clergyman, not too library-read to remember that he was _human_. +The good, sympathetic word that sent her home strengthened for another +week's duties. The good word, which men think they can do without; but +which women, with the petty be-littling every day annoyances of their +monotonous life, long for, as does a tired child to lay its head on +its mother's breast. A mother may feel thus and yet have no desire to +evade the responsible duties of her office. Indeed, had she not often +her oratory in her own heart, she would sink discouraged oftener than +she does, lacking the human sympathy which is often withheld by those +upon whom she has the nearest claim for it. To such a woman it is not +a mere form to "go to church;" it is not to her a fashion exchange; +she _really_ desires the spiritual help she seeks. _You_ may find +nothing in the words that come to her like the cool hand on the +fevered brow. The psalm which is discord to your ear, may soothe her, +like a mother's murmured lullaby. The prayer, which to you is an +offence, brings her face to face with One who is touched by our +infirmities. If an "undevout astronomer is mad," it seems to me that +an undevout woman is still more so. Our insane asylums are full of +women, who, leaning on some human heart for love and sympathy, and +meeting only misappreciation, have gone there, past the Cross, where +alone they could have laid down burdens too heavy to bear unshared. A +great book is unwritten on this theme. When men become less gross and +unspiritual than they now are, they will see the great wrong of which +they are guilty, in their impatience of women's keenest sufferings +because they "are only mental." + + * * * * * + +Ladies, many of you attempt too much. I am convinced that there are +times in everybody's experience when there is so much to be done, that +the only way to do it is to sit down and do nothing. This sounds +paradoxical, but it is not. For instance: the overtasked mother of a +family, in moderate circumstances, who must be brains, hands, stomach +and feet for a dozen little children, and their father, who counts +full another dozen. Do the best she may, plan the wisest she may, her +work accumulates fearfully on her hands. One day's labor laps over on +the next, till she cannot sleep at night for fear she shall oversleep +in the morning. And though she works hard all day, and gives herself +no relaxation, she cannot see any result at the close, save that she +"hath done what she could." Of course you say, let her be satisfied +with that, and not worry about it. That is only another proof how easy +it is for some people to bear the troubles of _other_ people. Suppose +her nervous system has been strained to the utmost, so that every +step is a weariness, and every fresh and unexpected demand sets her +"all of a tremble," as women express it, what is the use of reasoning +then about not working? The more she can't work, the more she will try +to, till she drops in her tracks, unless, catching sight of her +prospective coffin, she stops in time. Now there are self-sacrificing +mothers who need somebody to say to them, "Stop! you have just to make +your choice now, between death and life. You have expended all the +strength you have on hand--and must lay in a new stock before any more +work can be done by you. So don't go near your kitchen; if your cook +goes to sleep in the sink on washing-day, let her; if your chambermaid +spends the most of her time on ironing-day with the grocer-boy in the +area, don't _you_ know anything about it. Get right into bed, and lie +there, just as a man would do if he didn't feel one quarter as bad as +you do; and ring every bell in the house, every five minutes, for +everything you want, or think you want; and my word for it, the world +will keep on going round just the same, as if you were spinning a +spasmodic tee-totum, as hens do, long after their heads have been cut +off. Yes--just lie there till you get rested; and they all find out, +by picking up the burdens you have dropped, what a load you have been +uncomplainingly shouldering. Yes--just lie there; and tell them to +bring you something nice to eat and drink--yes, _drink_; and forbid, +under dreadful penalties, anybody asking you what the family are to +have for dinner. Let them eat what they like, so that they don't +trouble you, and season it to their tastes; and here's hoping it will +do them good." + +And now having located you comfortably under the quilt, out of harm's +way, let me tell you that if you think you are doing God service, or +anybody else, by using up a year's strength in a week, you have made a +sinful mistake. I don't care anything about that basket of unmended +stockings, or unmade pinafores, or any other nursery nightmare which +haunts the dreams of these "Martha" mothers. You have but one life to +live, that's plain; and when you are dead, all the king's men can't +make you stand on your feet again, that's plain. Well, then--don't be +dead. In the first place, go out a part of every day, rain or shine, +for the fresh air, and don't tell me you can't; at least not while you +can stop to embroider your children's clothes. As to "dressing to go +out," don't dress. If you are clean and whole, that's enough; have +boots with elastics at the side, instead of those long mile Balmorals +that take so long to "lace up,"--in short, _simplify your dressing_, +and then stop every wheel in the house if necessary in order to go +out, but go; fifteen minutes is better than nothing; if you can't get +out in the day-time, run out in the evening; and if your husband can't +see the necessity of it, perhaps he will on reflection after you have +gone out. The moral of all which is, that if nobody else will take +care of you, you must just take care of yourself. As to the +children--I might write a long book on this head, or those heads, +bless 'em! THEY can't help being born, poor things, though they often +get slapped for that, and nothing else, as far as I can see. It is a +pity you hadn't three instead of six, so that the care of them might +be a pleasure instead of a weariness; but "that's none of my +business," as people say after they have been unusually meddlesome and +impertinent. Still I repeat it, I wish you _had_ three instead of six, +and I don't care if you _do_ go and tell John. + + * * * * * + +Women can relieve their minds, now-a-days, in one way that was +formerly denied them: they can write! a woman who wrote, used to be +considered a sort of monster--At this day it is difficult to find one +who does not write, or has not written, or who has not, at least, a +strong desire to do so. Gridirons and darning-needles are getting +monotonous. A part of their time the women of to-day are content to +devote to their consideration when necessary; but you will rarely find +one--at least among women who _think_--who does not silently rebel +against allowing them a monopoly. + +What? you inquire, would you encourage, in the present overcrowded +state of the literary market, any more women scribblers? Stop a bit. +It does not follow that she should wish or seek to give to the world +what she has written. I look around and see innumerable women, to +whose barren, loveless life this would be improvement and solace, and +I say to them, write! Write, if it will make that life brighter, or +happier, or less monotonous. Write! it will be a safe outlet for +thoughts and feelings, that maybe the nearest friend you have, has +never dreamed had place in your heart and brain. You should have read +the letters I have received; you should have talked with the women I +have talked with; in short, you should have walked this earth with +your eyes open, instead of shut, as far as its women are concerned, to +indorse this advice. Nor do I qualify what I have said on account of +social position, or age, or even education. It is not _safe_ for the +women of 1868 to shut down so much that cries out for sympathy and +expression, because life is such a maelstrom of business or folly, or +both, that those to whom they have bound themselves, body and soul, +recognize only the needs of the former. _Let them write_ if they will. +One of these days, when that diary is found, when the hand that penned +it shall be dust, with what amazement and remorse will many a husband, +or father, exclaim, I never knew my wife, or my child, till this +moment; all these years she has sat by my hearth, and slumbered by my +side, and I have been a stranger to her. And you sit there, and you +read sentence after sentence, and recall the day, the month, the week, +when she moved calmly, and you thought happily, or, at least, +contentedly, about the house, all the while her heart was aching, when +a kind word from you, or even a touch of your hand upon her head, as +you passed out to business, or pleasure, would have cheered her, oh so +much! When had you sat down by her side after the day's work for both +was over, and talked with her just a few moments of something besides +the price of groceries, and the number of shoes Tommy had kicked out, +all of which, proper and necessary in their place, need not of +necessity form the stable of conversation between a married pair; had +you done this; had you recognized that she had a _soul_ as well as +yourself, how much sunshine you might have thrown over her colorless +life! + +"Perhaps, sir," you reply; "but I have left my wife far behind in the +region of thought. It would only distress her to do this!" How do you +know that? And if it were so, are you content to leave her--the mother +of your children--so far behind? _Ought_ you to do it? Should you not, +by raising the self-respect you have well nigh crushed by your +indifference and neglect, extend a manly hand to her help? _I_ think +so. The pink cheeks which first won you may have faded, but remember +that it was in your service, when you quietly accept the fact that +"you have left your wife far behind you in mental improvement." Oh! it +is pitiable this growing apart of man and wife, for lack of a little +generous consideration and magnanimity! It is pitiable to see a +husband without a thought that he might and should occasionally, have +given his wife a lift out of the petty, harrowing details of her +woman's life, turn from her, in company, to address his conversation +to some woman who, happier than she, has had time and opportunity for +mental culture. You do not see, sir--you will not see--you do not +desire to see, how her cheek flushes, and her eye moistens, and her +heart sinks like lead as you thus wound her self-respect. You think +her "cross and ill-natured," if when, the next morning, you converse +with her on the price of butter, she answers you listlessly and with a +total want of interest in the treadmill-subject. + +I say to such women: Write! Rescue a part of each week at least for +reading, and putting down on paper, for your own private benefit, your +thoughts and feelings. Not for the _world's_ eye, unless you choose, +but to lift yourselves out the dead-level of your lives; to keep off +inanition; to lessen the number who are yearly added to our lunatic +asylums from the ranks of misappreciated, unhappy womanhood, narrowed +by lives made up of details. Fight it! oppose it, for your own sakes +and your children's! Do not be _mentally_ annihilated by it. It is all +very well to sneer at this and raise the old cry of "a woman's sphere +being home"--which, by the way, you hear oftenest from men whose home +is only a place to feed and sleep in. You might as well say that a +man's sphere is his shop or his counting-room. How many of them, think +you, would be contented, year in and year out, to eat, drink, and +sleep as well as to transact business there, and _never desire_ or +_take_, at all costs, some let-up from its monotonous grind? How many +would like to forego the walk to and from the place of business? +forego the opportunities for conversation, which chance thus throws in +their way, with other men bent on the same or other errands? Have, +literally, _no_ variety in their lives? Oh, if you could be a woman +but one year and try it! A woman--but not necessarily a butterfly--not +necessarily a machine, which, once wound up by the marriage ceremony, +is expected to click on with undeviating monotony till Death stops the +hands. + + * * * * * + +I am often asked the question, "Do I believe that women should vote?" +Most assuredly. I am heart and soul with the women-speakers and +lecturers, and workers in public and private, who are trying to bring +this thing about. I have heard and read all the pros and cons on this +subject; and I have never yet heard, or read, any argument in its +_dis_favor, which is worth considering by whomsoever uttered, or +written. Everything must have a beginning, and no noble enterprise was +ever yet undertaken that did not find its objectors and assailants. +That is to be expected. These women-pioneers are prepared for this. It +is not pleasant, to be sure, to see those men in their audiences, who +should give them a hearty, manly support, making flippant, foolish, +shallow remarks on the subject; or thanking God that _their_ wives and +daughters are not "mixed up in it." Meantime their wives and daughters +may be "mixed up" in many things much less to their credit, and much +more to the detriment of their relations as mothers and wives. And +when I hear a woman making fun of this subject, or languidly declaring +that, for her part, she wouldn't give a fig to vote, and she is only +glad enough to be rid of the whole bothering thing, I feel only pity, +that in this glorious year of our Lord, 1869, she should still prefer +going back to the dark ages. I feel only pity, that, torpidly and +selfishly content with her ribbons and dresses, she may never see or +think of those other women, who may be lifted out of their wretched +condition, of low wages and starvation, by this very lever of power. + +As to the principal objection urged against voting, I think a woman +may vote and yet be a refined, and lady-like, and intelligent person, +and worthy of all respect from those who hold womanhood in the highest +estimation. I think she may go to the ballot-box without receiving +contamination, just as I believe that she may walk in the public +thoroughfares, and pass the most desperate characters, of both sexes, +without a spot on her spiritual raiment. Nay, more--I believe that +_through her_ the ballot-box is to become regenerated. Nor do I +believe that any man, educated or uneducated, unless under the +influence of liquor, would in any way make that errand a disagreeable +one to her. You tell me, but they _are_ under that influence more or +less on election day. Very well--the remedy for that is in closing the +liquor-shops till it is over. + +As to women "voting as their husbands tell them," I have my own +opinion, which I think results would prove to be correct. I think, for +instance, that no wife of a drunkard would vote that any drunkard +should hold office, howsoever her husband himself might vote, or tell +her to vote. Then, why is it any worse for a _woman_ "to vote as she +is bid," than for an ignorant _male_ voter to vote as he is bid. And +as to the "soil and stain on woman's purity," which timidity, and +conservatism, and selfishness insists shall follow the act, it might +be well, in answer, to draw aside the veil from many homes in New +York, _not_ in the vicinity of the Five Points either, where +long-suffering, uncomplaining wives and mothers, endure a defilement +and brutality on legal compulsion, to which this, at the worst +estimate ever made by its opponents, would be spotlessness itself. +No--no. Not one, or all of these reasons together, is the _true_ +reason for this opposition; and what is more, not one, or all of these +reasons together, will _eventually_ prevent women from having the +franchise. It is only a question of time; that's one comfort. + + + + +_WOMEN AND SOME OF THEIR MISTAKES._ + + +But, then, it is not altogether the fault of men, that women have so +poor a time in this world. + +If I had a boy, my chief aim would be to make him yield to his +sisters. Why? _Because_ so many boys have been taught a contrary +lesson; their selfishness every day growing stronger and stronger, +till the day when they marry some woman, who is expected to "fall into +line"--toes out, head erect, shoulders squared--at the word of +command, like their sisters. It is a very common thing to hear a +mother say to her daughters, you must do this, or that, or omit doing +this, or that, or some day you will cause the unhappiness of the man +you marry. When was a parent ever known to say this to a _boy_ about +his future wife? The idea, I have no doubt, would be considered quite +ludicrous. But I have yet to learn why it is not as necessary in one +case as in the other. Now, to oblige the girls of a family to be +punctual to their meals, on penalty of displeasure, and cold food, and +to save a warm breakfast for the _boy_, whenever he chooses to lie in +bed an hour or two later than the rest of the family, is making a +fatal mistake, so far as the boy is concerned, and educating a selfish +husband for some unfortunate girl who may be entrapped by him. _Then_ +this foolish mother will be the very first to lament to her circle of +sympathizing friends, that "_her_ John" should have married a woman +who is so exacting and unyielding. _Then_, these sisters will mourn +publicly that dear "John" should have made such a terrible matrimonial +blunder as to marry a woman who was not enamored of mending his +stockings every evening in the week, which he spent out doors, in any +kind of amusement that the whim of the hour suggested. _Then_--aunts, +and cousins, and uncles, of the hundredth degree, will join and swell +the chorus, till "dear John," if he has not sense enough to see the +discrepancy between their preaching and their practice, as exemplified +in their exactions towards their own husbands, will believe himself +entitled to honorable mention in "Fox's Book of Martyrs." + +The evil, I have said, _begins_ with the boy's home education. +"Sister" must mend his gloves and stockings, and alter his shirts, +whenever he wishes; but "brother" may altogether decline waiting upon +his sisters to evening visits, or amusements, in favor of other +ladies, or may, in any other way, show his utter selfishness and +disregard of their natural claims upon him. + +This is all wrong, and boys so brought up must of necessity resist, +when matrimony presents any other side of the question than that of +blind, unswerving obedience. + +Now, imagine this selfishness intensified a thousand fold by solitary +years of bachelorhood, and you have a creature to whom "The Happy +Family" would forever be a myth. + +Perhaps you think that I imagine selfishness to be peculiarly the vice +of the other sex. Not at all. There are women who are most +disgustingly selfish; wives and mothers unworthy both these titles; +but I shall find you ten selfish husbands to one selfish wife, and +therefore I call the attention of parents to this part of their sons' +education. If half the admonitions bestowed so lavishly upon girls +were addressed to their brothers, the family estate and the public +would be the gainers. + +There is one class of women that in my opinion need extinguishing. I +think I hear some male voice exclaim, _One_? I wish there were not a +great many! Sir! know that the foolishest woman who was ever born is +better than most men; but I am not treating of that branch of the +subject now. As I was about to remark, there is a class of sentimental +women who use up the whole dictionary in speaking of a pin, and +circumlocute about the alphabet in such a way, every time they open +their mincing lips, that nobody but themselves can know what they are +talking about, and truth to say, I should have been safe not to admit +even that exception. Their "_ske-iy_" must always be heavenly +"_ble-u_;" to touch household matters with so much as the end of a +taper finger would be "beneneath them," and that though Astor may have +considerable more money in the bank than themselves. To sweep, to +dust, to make a bed, to look into a kitchen-closet, to superintend a +dinner--was a woman made for that? they indignantly exclaim. Now, +while I as indignantly deny that she was born with a gridiron round +her neck, I repudiate the idea that any one of these duties is beneath +any woman, if it be necessary or best that she should perform them. I +could count you a dozen women on my fingers' ends, whom the reading +world has delighted to honor, who held no such flimsy, sickly, +hot-house views as these. Because a woman can appreciate a good book, +or even write one, or talk or think intelligently, is she not to be a +breezy, stirring, wide-awake, efficient, thorough, capable +housekeeper? Is she not to be a soulful wife and a loving, judicious +mother? Is she to disdain to comb a little tumbled head, or to wash a +pair of sticky little paws, or to mend a rent in a pinafore or little +pair of trousers? I tell you there's a false ring about women who talk +that way. No woman of true intellect ever felt such duties _beneath_ +her. She may like much better to read an interesting book, or write +out her own thoughts when she feels the inspiration, than to be _much_ +employed this way, but she will never, never disdain it, and she will +faithfully stand at her post if there can be no responsible +relief-guard. You will never find her sentimentally whining about +moonshine, while her neglected children are running loose in the +neighbors' houses, or through the streets. You may be sure she is the +wrong sort of woman who does this; she has neither head enough to +attain to that which she is counterfeiting, nor heart enough really to +care for the children she has so thoughtlessly launched upon the +troubled sea of life. I sincerely believe that there are few women +with a desire for intellectual improvement, who cannot secure it if +they will. To be honest, they find plenty of time to put no end of +embroidery on their children's clothes; plenty of time to keep up the +neck-and-neck race of fashion, though it may be in third-rate +imitations. They will sit up till midnight, but they will trim a dress +or bonnet in the latest style, if they cannot hire it done, when the +same energy would, if they felt inclined, furnish the _inside_ of +their heads much more profitably; for mark you, these women who are +above household cares will run their feet off to match a trimming, or +chase down a coveted color in a ribbon. _That_ isn't "belittling!" +_That_ isn't "trivial!" _That_ isn't "beneath them!" + +It is very funny how such women will fancy they are recommending +themselves by this kind of talk, to persons whose approbation they +sometimes seek. If they only knew what a sensible, rational person may +be thinking about while they are patiently but politely listening to +such befogged nonsense; how pity is dominant where they suppose +admiration to be the while; how the listener longs to break out and +say, My dear woman, _I_ have washed and ironed, and baked and brewed, +and swept and dusted, and washed children, and made bonnets, and cut +and made dresses, and mended old coats, and cleaned house, and made +carpets, and nailed them down, and cleaned windows, and washed dishes, +and tended the door-bell, and done every "menial" thing you can think +of, when it came to me to do, and I'm none the worse for it, though +perhaps you would not have complimented my "intellect," as you call +it, had you known it. Lord bless me! there's nothing like one's _own_ +hands and feet. Bells are very good institutions when one is sick, but +I never found that person who, when I had the use of my feet, could do +a thing as quick as myself, and as a general thing the more you pay +them the slower they move; and as I'm of the comet order, I quite +forget it is "_beneath me_" to do things, till I've done them. So you +see, after all, so far as I am concerned, it is no great credit to me, +although it _is_ very shocking to know that a woman who writes isn't +always dressed in sky blue, and employed in smelling a violet. + + * * * * * + +Then there is another subject to which I wish women would give a +little consideration; and that is the reason for the decline of the +good old-fashioned hospitality. I think the abolition of the good old +"tea" of our ancestors has a great deal to do with it, and the +prevalent and absurd idea that hospitality is not hospitality, unless +indorsed by a French cook, and a brown-stone front. Now, _dinner_ +takes the place of this meal. Dinner! which involves half a dozen +courses, with dessert and wines to match. That is an affair which +requires the close supervision of the wife and mother of the family, +even though she may have a cook well-skilled, and attendants +well-drilled. Now, as most American wives and mothers, have about as +much strain on their vitality from day to day as they can possibly, +with their fragile constitutions, endure, they naturally prefer as few +of these domestic upheavings as they can get along with, and retain +their social footing; nor for one do I blame them for this. The blame, +is in a system which subordinates everything lovely and desirable in +the way of hospitality, to the coarse pleasures of show and gluttony. +Who shall be the bold lady pioneer of reform in this matter? + +Certainly, ladies have a personal interest in abolishing this state of +things, when gentlemen's dinner-parties, including half a dozen +invitations, to the exclusion of every lady, except the hostess, are +becoming so common. Make your dinners more simple, fair dames, and +make your dress as simple as your dinners. Restore in this way the +power to invite your friends oftener, and let your and your husband's +invitations to dinner, include gentlemen _and their wives_. If the +latter are fools, they will not become less so by being excluded from +rational conversation. If they are _not_ fools, it is an outrage to +treat them as if they were. It would be useless, of course, to hint +that dinner had better be at midday. Fashion would turn up her nose at +the idea. And yet you know very well that _that_ is the natural and +most wholesome time to dine. As to gentlemen "not being able to leave +their business," to do this, I might suggest that they go to bed +earlier, to enable them to go earlier to that business in the morning. +I might also add, that gentlemen generally can find time to do +anything which they greatly desire to do. I might also add, that for +one child or young person who eats this heartiest meal of the day, and +goes directly to bed upon it without harm, thousands bring on an +indigestion, which makes life a curse instead of the blessing it ought +to be. + +Where do you ever hear now, the frank, hearty invitation, "Come in any +time and see us?" How is it possible, when a table preparation that +involves so much thought and expense, is considered the proper way to +honor a guest, and conversation and cordiality are secondary matters, +if not altogether ignored? Of what use is it to have a fine house, and +well-stocked wine-cellar, and drilled servants, when the passion for +show has reached such a pitch, that public saloons and suites of rooms +in vast hotels, must be hired, and a man leave his own house, be it +ever so fine, because he must have more room and more parade, than any +private house can by any possibility furnish, without pitching the +whole family into inextricable chaos and confusion for a month. + +This is all false and wrong, and demoralizing. It is death to social +life--death to the true happiness and well-being of the family, and in +my opinion, ladies are to blame for it, and ladies only can effect a +reform. + +Simplify your toilets--simplify your dinners, ladies. There are many +of you who have sufficient good sense to indorse this view of the +case; how many are there with sufficient courage to defy the tyranny +of omnipotent fashion and carry it out? + + * * * * * + +Now, let me tell you how it was in good old-fashioned New England +towns; when people enjoyed life five times as well as now. Then +husbands, wives, and children had not each a separate circle of +acquaintances, and their chief aim was not to regulate matters, with a +view to be in each other's society as little as possible. That fatal +death-blow to the purity, happiness, and love of home. + +_Then_ you went at dark to tea. I am speaking of the old-fashioned New +England parties. You and your husband, and your eldest boy or girl; +the latter being instructed not to pull over the cake to get the best +piece, or otherwise to misbehave themselves. There were assembled the +principal members of the church, and, above all, its pastor and +spouse, and deacons ditto. The married women had on their best caps +and collars, and the regulation black-silk-company-dress, which, in my +opinion, has never been improved upon by profane modern fingers. The +young girls wore a merino of bright hue, if it were winter, with a +little frill of lace about the shoulders; or a white cambric dress if +the mildness of the weather admitted. The men always in black, laity +or clergy, with flesh-colored gloves, of Nature's own making, +warranted to fit. + +All assembled, the buzz of talk was soon agreeably interrupted by the +entrance of a servant bearing a heavily-laden tray of cups and +saucers, filled with tea and coffee, cream and sugar. This tray was +rested on a table; and the host, rising, requested Rev. Mr. ---- to +ask a blessing. He did it, and the youngsters, eying the cake, wished +it had been shorter. So did the girl in charge of the tray. "Blessing" +at last over, the tea and coffee were distributed. The matrons +charging their initiatory fledglings "not to spill over," often wisely +pouring a spoonful of coffee or tea, from the cup into the saucer, to +prevent the former from any china-gymnastics unfavorable to the best +gown or carpet. The men turned their toes in till they met; spread +their red silk handkerchiefs over their bony knees, and on that risky, +improvised, graceful lap, placed the hot cup of tea, with an awful +sense of responsibility, which interfered with the half-finished +account of the last "revival." Then came a tray of thinly-sliced bread +and butter, delicate and tempting; rich cake, guiltless of hartshorn +or soda, with delicate sandwiches, and tiny tarts. + +This ceremony gone through, the young people crawled from the maternal +wing, and laughed and talked in corners, as freely and hilariously as +if they were not "children of damnation," destined to eternal torment +if they did not indorse the creed of their forefathers. Their elders, +with satisfied stomachs, and cheerful voices and faces, seemed to have +merged the awful "hell," too, for the time being; and nobody would +have supposed them capable of bringing children into the world, to be +scared through it with a claw-footed devil constantly at their backs. + +As the evening went on, the buzz and noise increased. The youngsters +giggled and pushed about, keeping jealous watch the while, for the +nine o'clock tray of goodies, which was to delight their eyes and +feast their palates. This tray contained the biggest oranges and +apples, the freshest cluster-raisins, and almonds, hickory nuts, +three-cornered nuts, filberts and grapes. After this came a tray of +preserved quinces, or plums, or peaches, with little pitchers of +_real_ cream. Then, to wind up, little cunning glasses filled with +lemonade, made of _lemons_. + +_Now_ the youngsters had plenty to do. So absorbed were they, cracking +nuts and jokes, that when the minister, seizing the back of a chair in +the middle of the room, said, "Let us pray," the difficulty of cutting +a laugh off short in the middle, and disposing of their plates, +presented itself in such an hysterical manner, that a pinch of the +ear, or a shake of the shoulders, had to be resorted to, to bring +things to a spiritual focus. After prayers came speedy cloakings, +shawlings, and kind farewells and greetings; and by _ten_, or shortly +after, the hour at which modern parties _begin_, visitors and visited +were all tucked comfortably between the sheets. + +_Now._ Nobody can give a party that does not involve the expenditure +of hundreds of dollars. Dinner, or evening party, it is all the same. +The hostess muddles her brain about "devilled fowl," "frozen +puddings," "meringue" things, of every shape--floral pyramids, for +which she has _my_ forgiveness, for fashion never had a more +pardonable sin than this. She must have dozens of hired silver, and +chairs, and hired waiters, and the mantua-maker must be driven wild +for dress trimmings, and the interior of the house must be thrown off +of the family track for days, before and after. And the good man of it +must have a dozen kinds of wines, and as many kinds of cigars; and +there must be more "courses," if it is a dinner, than you could count; +and you must sit tedious hours, while these are trotted on and trotted +off, by skilled skirmishers; and what with the necessity of all this +restaurant-business, and the stupidity that comes of over-feeding, one +might as well leave his brains at home when he goes into modern +"society." Not to speak of the host and hostess, whose attempts at +conversation are fettered, and spasmodic in consequence; for, have as +many servants as you may, mistakes _will_ happen, _crushing_ mistakes, +such as a dish located east instead of west, or wine wrongly placed, +or the wrong wine rightly placed, or a dish tardy, that should be +speedy; all of which momentous things, to the scholastic mind of the +host, or the intelligent brain of the hostess, being sufficient to +make them forget that "the chief end of man" was not to cultivate his +stomach. Now, if one must needs lure one's friends with a vulgar bill +of fare, like a hotel, in order to ensure their presence; if one must +think of the subject days beforehand, in one shape and another, and be +bored, and worried, and badgered with these material things; if +_bellies_, to speak politely, are to domineer over _brains_ this way, +then I say that "society," at such a price, isn't worth having. For +one, I had rather go back to the weak lemonade and strong prayers of +our forefathers. + + * * * * * + +Then, as to the dress of women. If there is one phrase more +universally misapplied than another, it is the phrase "well-dressed." +The first thing to be considered in this connection, is _fitness_. A +superb and costly silk, resting upon the questionable straw in the +bottom of an omnibus, excites only pity for the bad taste of the +luckless wearer. A pair of tight-fitting, light kid gloves, on female +fingers, on a day when the windows are crusted with frost, strikes us +as an uncalled-for martyrdom under the circumstances; also a pair of +high-heeled new boots, with polished soles, constantly threatening the +wearer with a humiliating downfall, and necessitating slow and careful +locomotion, on icy pavements, in company with a very pink nose. Bows +of ribbon, jewelled combs and head-pins at breakfast, either at a +hotel table or at home, do not convey to me an idea of _fitness_; +also, white or pink parasols for promenade or shopping excursions, +whether the remainder of the dress is in keeping or not, and more +often it is the latter. A rich velvet outer garment over a common +dress; a handsome set of furs with a soiled bonnet; diamond earrings +with shabby gloves; gold watch and trinkets, and a silk dress +ornamented with grease pots; sloppy, muddy pavements and pink silk +hose--all these strike the beholder as incongruous. + +There are women who are slow to understand these things. The season, +the atmosphere and the hour of the day have no bearing at all upon +their decisions as to costume. A woman with restricted means, and +unable to indulge in changes of apparel, instead of selecting fabrics +or trimmings which will not invite attention to this fact, will often +select such a stunning, glaring outfit, that the truth she would +conceal, is patent to every beholder; an inexpensive dress, provided +it be whole, clean, well-fitting and harmonious in its accessories, +conveys the idea of being "well-dressed" quite as emphatically as a +toilette five times more costly. But what is the use of talking? One +woman shall go into her room, and, without study or thought, +instinctively harmonize her whole attire, so that the most fastidious +critic shall find no fault with her selection. Another shall put on +the same things, and then neutralize the whole by some flaring, +incongruous, idiotic "last touch" which she imagines her crowning +success. She can't do it! and, what is worse, she can't be persuaded +that she can't do it. + +After all, what does it matter? growls some believer in "Watts on the +Mind;" what does it matter what a woman _wears_? It is a free country. +So it is; and yet I am glad the trees and the grass in it are green, +not red. I am glad that the beautiful snow is not black. I am glad +that every flower is not yellow, and that the sky is not a pea-green. +Woman is by nature a neat and tidy creature; grace and beauty she +strives for, be it ever so dimly. All that intelligently helps to +this, I affirm to be a means of grace. It would not be amiss to +inquire how much moral pollution and loss of self-respect among the +women in our tenement houses is consequent upon their inability, amid +such miserable surroundings, to appear in anything but their unwomanly +rags. If a woman has a husband who is indifferent whether her hair is +smoothed once a day or once a year, still let her, for her children's +sake, strive to look as attractive as she can. "My mother is not so +pretty as yours," said one child to another. The keen little eyes had +noted the rumpled hair, the untidy wrapper, the slipshod shoe, which +were considered good enough for the nursery, unless company was +expected. Sickness excepted, this is wrong and unnecessary. Nothing +that tends to make home bright is a matter of inconsequence, and this +least of all. How many young mothers, sitting in their nurseries, love +to recall the pleasant picture of _their_ mother in hers. The neat +dress--the shining hair, the beaming face. So let your children +remember you. Be not pretty and tidy, _only_ when company comes. + +Then there is the school question, which is never long out of my mind. +The papers are full of "school advertisements," of every kind, "_Which +is the best?_" ask the bewildered parents as they look over the +thousand-and-one Prospectus-es and read the formidable list of +"branches" taught in each, between the hours of nine and three, for +each day, Sundays excepted. They look at their little daughter. "It is +time, they say, that she learned something;" and that is true; but +they do not consider that is not yet time for her to learn +_everything_; and that in the attempt she will probably break down +before the experiment is half made. They do not consider, in their +anxiety, that she should be educated with the railroad speed so +unhappily prevalent; that to keep a growing child in school from nine +till three is simply torture; and to add to that lessons out of +school, an offence, which should come under the head of "Cruelty to +Animals," and punished accordingly by the city authorities; who, in +their zeal to decide upon the most humane manner in which to kill +calves and sheep, seem quite to overlook the slow process by which the +children of New York are daily murdered. That "everybody does so;" +that "all schools" keep these absurd hours; that "teachers want the +afternoons to themselves,"--seem to me puerile reasons, when I meet +each day, at three o'clock, the great army of children, bearing in +their bent shoulders, narrow chests and pale faces, the unmistakable +marks of this overstrain of the brain, at a critical age. And when I +see, in addition, the piles of books under their arms, effectually to +prevent the only alleviation of so grave a mistake, in the out-door +exercise that their cramped limbs, and tired brains so loudly call +for, after school hours, I have no words to express my sorrow and +disgust of our present school system. + +It is not teachers, but _parents_, who are to right this matter. The +former but echo the wishes of the latter. If parents think physical +education a matter of no consequence, why should teachers love those +children better than the parents themselves? If parents are so anxious +for the cramming process, which is filling our church-yards so fast, +why should teachers, who "must live," interfere? Now and then, one +more humane, less self-seeking, than the majority, will venture to +suggest that the pupil has already quite as much mental strain as is +safe for its tender years; but when the reply is in the form of a +request from the parent that "another branch will not make much +difference," what encouragement has the teacher to continue to oppose +such stupidity? Not long since, I heard of a mother who was boasting +to a friend of the smartness and precocity of her little daughter of +seven years, "who attended school from nine till three each day, and +studied most of the intervening time; and was so fond of her books +_that all night, in her sleep, she was saying over her geography +lessons and doing her sums in arithmetic_." Comment on such folly is +unnecessary. I throw out these few hints, hoping that one mother, at +least, may pause long enough to give so important a subject a +moment's thought. That she may ask, whether it would not be wise +occasionally to visit the school-room where her child spends so much +of its time; and examine the state of ventilation in the apartment, +and see if the desk, at which the child sits so long, is so contrived +that it might have been handed down from the days of the Inquisition, +as a model instrument of torture. I will venture to say, that her +husband takes far better care, and expends more pains-taking thought, +with his favorite horse, if he has one, than she ever has on the +physical well-being of her child. What _right_, I ask, has she to +bring children into the world, who is too indolent, or too +thoughtless, or too pleasure-loving to guide their steps safely, +happily, and above all, _healthily_ through it? + + * * * * * + +There is another topic on which I wish to speak to women. I hope to +live to see the time when they will consider it a _disgrace_ to be +sick. When women, and men too, with flat chests and stooping +shoulders, will creep round the back way, like other violators of +known laws. Those who _inherit_ sickly constitutions have my sincerest +pity. I only request one favor of them, that they cease perpetuating +themselves till they are physically on a sound basis. But a woman who +laces so tightly that she breathes only by a rare accident; who +vibrates constantly between the confectioner's shop and the dentist's +office; who has ball-robes and jewels in plenty, but who owns neither +an umbrella, nor a water-proof cloak, nor a pair of thick boots; who +lies in bed till noon, never exercises, and complains of "total want +of appetite," save for pastry and pickles, is simply a disgusting +nuisance. Sentiment is all very nice; but, were I a man, I would +beware of a woman who "couldn't eat." Why don't she take care of +herself? Why don't she take a nice little bit of beefsteak with her +breakfast, and a nice _walk_--not _ride_--after it? Why don't she stop +munching sweet stuff between meals? Why don't she go to bed at a +decent time, and lead a clean, healthy life? The doctors and +confectioners have ridden in their carriages long enough; let the +butchers and shoemakers take a turn at it. A man or woman who "can't +eat" is never sound on any question. It is waste breath to converse +with them. They take hold of everything by the wrong handle. Of course +it makes them very angry to whisper pityingly, "dyspepsia," when they +advance some distorted opinion; but I always do it. They are not going +to muddle my brain with their theories, because their internal works +are in a state of physical disorganization. Let them go into a Lunatic +Asylum and be properly treated till they can learn how they are put +together, and how to manage themselves sensibly. + +How I _rejoice_ in a man or woman with a chest; who can look the sun +in the eye, and step off as if they had not wooden legs. It is a rare +sight. If a woman now has an errand round the corner, she must have a +carriage to go there; and the men, more dead than alive, so lethargic +are they with constant smoking, creep into cars and omnibuses, and +curl up in a corner, dreading nothing so much as a little wholesome +exertion. The more "tired" they are, the more diligently they smoke, +like the women who drink perpetual _tea_ "to keep them up." + +Keep them up! Heavens! I am fifty-five, and I feel half the time as if +I were just made. To be sure I was born in Maine, where the timber and +the human race last; but I do not eat pastry, nor candy, nor +ice-cream. I do not drink tea! I walk, not ride. I own stout +boots--pretty ones, too! I have a water-proof cloak, and no diamonds. +I like a nice bit of beefsteak and a glass of ale, and anybody else +who wants it may eat pap. I go to bed at ten, and get up at six. I +dash out in the rain, because it feels good on my face. I don't care +for my clothes, but I _will_ be well; and after I am buried, I warn +you, don't let any fresh air or sunlight down on my coffin, if you +don't want me to get up. + + + + +_NOTES UPON PREACHERS AND PREACHING._ + + +I can imagine nothing more disheartening to a clergyman, than to go to +church, with an excellent sermon in his coat-pocket, and find an +audience of twenty-five people. I was one of twenty-five, the other +night, who can bear witness, that having turned out, in a pelting +rain, to evening service, the clergyman preached to us with as much +eloquence, good sense and zeal as if his audience numbered twenty-five +hundred. You may ask why shouldn't he? If he believes _one_ soul is +more value than all the world, why shouldn't he? Merely because there +is as much human nature in a clergyman as in anybody else. Merely +because he is, like other people, affected by outward influences; and +a row of empty seats might well have a depressing physical effect, +notwithstanding his "belief." + +When I go to church I want to carry something back with me wherewithal +to fight the devil through the week. I don't want the ancestry of +Jeroboam and Ezekiel, and Keranhappuck raked up and commented on; or +any other fossil dodge, to cover up the speaker's barrenness of head +or heart. I want something for _to-day_--for over-burdened men and +women in this year of our Lord 1869. Something _live_; something that +has some bearing on our daily work; something that recognizes the +seething elements about us, and their bearings on the questions of +conscience and duty we are all hourly called on to settle. I want a +minister who won't forever take refuge in "the Ark," for fear of +saying something that conservatism will hum! and ha! over. + +One day I heard this remark, coming out of church where that style of +sermon was preached: "Well--what has all that to do with _me_?" Now +that's just it. It expresses my idea better than a whole library +could. What has that to do with me? _Me_ individually--bothered, +perplexed, sore-hearted, weary _me_, hungry for soul-comfort. I think +this is the trouble; ministers live too much in their libraries. If +they would set fire to them, and study human nature more, the world +would be the gainer. They need to get out of the old time-crusted +groove. To stir round a bit, and see something besides Jeroboam; to +know the tragedies that are going on in the lives of their +parishioners, and find out the alleviations and the remedy. We have +got to live on earth a while before we "get to heaven." It might be as +well to consider that occasionally. It is quite as important to show +us how to live here as how to get there. + +I don't believe in a person's eyes being so fixed on heaven, that he +goes blundering over everybody's corns on the way there. If that's his +Christianity, the sooner he gets tripped up the better. _I_ saw "a +Christian" the other day. It was a workingman, who, noticing across +the street a little girl of seven years, trying to lift with her +little cold fingers a bundle, and poise it on her head, put down his +box of tools, went across the street and lifted it up for her, and +with a cheery "there now, my dear," went smiling on his way. + + * * * * * + +Oh, if clergymen would only study their fellow men more. If they would +less often try to unravel some double-twisted theological knot, which, +if pulled out straight, would never carry one drop of balm to a +suffering fellow-being, or teach him how to bear bravely and patiently +the trials, under which soul and body are ready to faint. If, looking +into some yearning face before them on a Sunday, they would preach +only to its wistful asking for spiritual help, in words easy to be +understood--in heart-tones not to be mistaken--how different would +Sundays seem, to many _women_, at least, whose heart-aches, and +unshared burdens, none but their Maker knows. "Heavy laden!" Let our +clergymen never forget that phrase in their abstruse examination of +text and context. Let them not forget that as Lazarus watched for the +falling crumbs from Dives' table, so some poor harassed soul before +them may be sitting with expectant ear, for the hopeful words, that +shall give courage to shoulder again the weary burden. I sometimes +wonder, were I a clergyman, _could_ I preach in this way to nodding +plumes, and flashing jewels, and rustling silks? Would not my very +soul be paralyzed within me, as theirs seems to be? And then I wish +that _nobody_ could own a velvet cushioned pew in church; that the +doors of all churches were open to every man and woman, in whatsoever +garb they might chance to wear in passing, and _not_ parcelled and +divided off for the reception of certain classes, and the exclusion +(for it amounts to that) of those who most need spiritual help and +teaching. You tell me that there are places provided for such people. +So there are cars for colored people to ride in. _My_ Christianity, if +I have any, builds up no such walls of separation. How often have I +seen a face loitering at a church threshold, listening to the swelling +notes of the organ, and longing to go in, were it not for the wide +social gulf between itself and those who assembled--I will not say +worshipped--there, and I know if that clergyman, inside that church, +spoke as his Master spake when on earth, that he would soon preach to +empty walls. They _want_ husks; they pay handsomely for husks, and +they get them, I say in my vexation, as the door swings on its hinges +in some poor creature's face, and he wanders forth to struggle unaided +as best he may with a poor man's temptations. Our Roman Catholic +brethren are wiser. Their creed is not my creed, save this part of it: +"That the rich and the poor meet here together, and the Lord is the +Maker of them all." I often go there to see it. I am glad when the +poor servant drops on her knees in the aisle, and makes the sign of +the cross, that nobody bids her rise, to make way for a silken robe +that may be waiting behind her. I am glad the mother of many little +children may drop in for a brief moment, before the altar, to +recognize her spiritual needs, and then pass out to the cares she may +not longer lose sight of. I do not believe as they do, but it gladdens +my heart all the same, that one man is as good as his neighbor at +least _there_--before God. I breathe freer at the thought. I can sit +in a corner and watch them pass in and out, and rejoice that every +one, how humble soever, _feels_ that he or she _is_ that church, just +as much as the richest foreigner from the cathedrals of the old world, +whom they may jostle in passing out. Said one poor girl to me--"I +don't care what happens to me, or how hard I work through the week, if +I can get away to my Sunday morning mass." She was a woman to be sure, +and women, high and low, have more spirituality than men. _They_ can't +do without their church--sometimes, I am sorry to say, not even with +it; for, as the same servant solemnly and truthfully remarked to me, +"Even then the devil is sometimes too strong for 'em!" + + * * * * * + +A fashionable church is more distasteful to me because memory always +conjures up certain pleasant country Sundays of long ago. Ah! that walk +through the shady sweet-briar roads, full of perfume, and song, and +dew, to the village church, in whose ample shed were tied Dobbins of +every shape and color, switching the flies with their long tails, and +neighing friendly acquaintance with each other. Oh! the wide open +windows of the church, guiltless of painted apostles and dropsical +cherubs, where the breeze played through, bringing with it the sweet +odor of clover and honeysuckle and new-mown hay, and the drowsy hum of +happy insect life, and now and then a little bird, who sang his little +song _without pay_, and flitted out again. Oh! the good old snow-haired +patriarchs--who _didn't_ dye their hair or whiskers--leaning on their +sticks, followed by chubby little grandchildren, whose cheeks rivalled +the reddest apples in their orchards. Then the farmers' wives, with +belts they could breathe under, with ample chests and sunny glances of +content at Susan, and Nancy, and Tommy, in their best Sunday clothes. +Then the good old-fashioned singing, with which nobody found fault, +though a crack-voiced old deacon did join in, because he was too happy +to keep silent about "Jordan." Then the hand-shaking after service, and +the hearty good-will to "the minister and his folks." Then the +adjournment to the grove near by, to pass the intermission till the +afternoon service, and the selection of the sweetest and shadiest spot +to unpack the lunch baskets. The shifting light through the branches, +upon the pretty heads of the country girls, with their fresh cheeks and +shining hair and blue ribbons. And after doughnuts and cheese and +apple-pie, were shared and eaten, the ramble after wild-flowers round +the roots of the mossy old trees, or the selection of the prettiest +oak leaves to make wreaths for pretty heads, and the shy looks of +admiration of the rustic beaux as they were severally adjusted. Then +the little group under the trees, singing psalm tunes, as the matrons +wandered over to the grave-yard to read for the hundredth time the +little word "Anna," or "Joseph," or "Samuel," inscribed on some +headstone, from which they pulled away the intrusive grass or clover, +plucking a little leaf as they left, and hiding it in their ample, +motherly bosoms. + +All this came to me as I sat in that hot, stifled, painted-window, +fashionable church, listening to the dull monotone about the Hittites, +from which I reaped nothing but irritation; and I wished I was a +school-girl again, back in that lovely village in New Hampshire, where +Sundays were not opening days for millinery; where people went to +church because they _loved_ it, and not because it was "respectable" +to be seen there once a day; where heaven's light was not excluded for +any dim taper of man's lighting, and one could sing though he had not +performed during the week at the opera; and the doxology rang out as +only farmers' lungs can make it. I am glad I had this school-girl +experience of lovely, balmy, country Sundays, though it spoils me for +the formal, city Sunday. Every summer, when I go to the country, I +hunt up some old church like this, which all the winter I have longed +for. Though, truth to tell, what with city boarders who infest them, +with their perfume and point-lace, and rustling silks, my country +church is getting more difficult every year to find. How it spoils it +all, when some grand city dame comes sailing in, with her astounding +millinery devices, to profane my simple country church and astonish +its simple worshippers! My dear madam, for _my_ sake, please this +summer "_say_ your prayers" on the piazza of the grand hotel, +afflicted by yourself and your seven mammoth travelling trunks. + + * * * * * + +I strayed into a strange church not long since, chose my seat, and sat +down. Sextons are polite; but they have a way of marching one up, +through a long aisle, under the very shadow of the pulpit, and under +the noses of an expectant congregation, when unfortunately I have a +fancy for a quiet, out of the way corner. The church was plain and +neat, and nicely dressed, with its shining bunches of holly, and its +stars, and its green wreathed-pillars. The temperature of the place +was pleasant, and the bright lights, and the sweet tones of the organ, +were all promotive of serenity and cheerfulness. The congregation +dropped in, in groups and families, and took their places. They were +not fashionable people; evidently they were workers on week-days. The +men and the women, and even the children, had that look, in spite of +their Sunday clothes. So much the more glad was I that they had such a +bright, cheerful church to come to. By and by the minister came in. +Now, thought I, God grant his sermon be cheerful too; for these are +people who lead no holiday lives, and all the more need a lift out of +it on Sunday. The burden of the first hymn he chose was "death's cold +arms;" read in a tone studiedly corresponding to its cheerful +sentiment. A wail from the organ preceded the singing, whose dolor +affected me like a toss-out into a snow-drift. Then the minister rose. +His first salutation was "My _dying_ friends." Then he proceeded to +inform them that the old year was dying. That there it lay, with its +great hands crossed over its mighty heart, and the sepulchre yawning +for its last pulsation. Then he reminded them that very likely many of +those present would be in that very condition before the close of the +new year. Then he told the young folks a frightful story about a dying +young man whose friends sent for him (the speaker.) A young man who +_hadn't_ joined the church. When he got there, he said, "reason had +deserted its throne;" which was his way of saying that the young man +was crazy, and his way of inferring that it was a judgment on him for +not "having joined the church." Then he said, that though they waited +and waited for his reason to come back, his soul fled away without, +and the inference was that _it fled to hell_. He didn't recognize any +charitable possibility that much _might_ have passed between that +young man's soul and its Maker, though _not_ expressed either to +friends or pastor, which might savor of _heaven_ instead of _hell_, +and that--although he had not joined the church;--not a clue was left +for the faintest hope for any of his friends that might happen to be +present, that this young man's soul was not eternally dammed. + +What right, indeed, _had_ the Almighty to know more of one of his +congregation than he himself? What right had He to pardon a fleeting +soul, with no shriving from its pastoral keeper? I say this in no +spirit of irreverence. But, oh! why _will_ clergymen persist in +_scaring_ people to heaven? Why darken lives heavily laden with toil, +discouragement, and care through the six days of the week, by adding +to its depressing weight on Sunday? Has "Come unto me ye heavy laden" +no place in their Bible? Is "God is Love" blotted from out its pages? +Is the human heart--especially the _youthful_ heart--untouchable by +any appeal save the cowardly one of fear? Would those young people, +when out of leading-strings, _continue_ to look upon life through the +charnel-house spectacles of this spiritual teacher? Would there come +no dreadful rebound to those young men and young women, from this +perpetual gloom? These were questions I there asked myself; wisely, or +unwisely, you shall be the judge. + +"Like as a father pitieth his children," I talismanically murmured to +myself, as I left the church, with the last dolorous hymn ringing in +my ear-- + + "When cold in death I lie." + + * * * * * + +How great the change in the temporal condition of the Minister of Old +and Modern Times. The half-fed, ill-paid, scantily-clothed, +over-worked, discouraged "minister" of the olden time is--where is he? +The "minister," before whose pen and paper came the troubled faces of +wife and children; who dreaded the knock of a parishioner, lest it +should involve the diminution of a "salary" which a common day-laborer +might well refuse for its pitiful inadequacy; the minister whose body +was expected to be so Siamesed to his soul, that the "heavenly manna" +would answer equally the demands of both. The minister who must plant +and hoe his own potatoes, but always in a black coat and white +neckcloth. The minister whose children must come up miniature saints, +while all their father's spare time was spent in driving his +parishioners' children safe to heaven. The minister who, when he was +disabled for farther service, was turned out like an old horse to +browse on thistles by the road-side;--_that_ minister, to the credit +of humanity be it said, is among the things that were. Instead--nobody +is astonished at, or finds fault with, paragraphs in the papers +announcing that the Rev. Rufus Rusk was presented by the board of +trustees, in the name of many friends of his congregation, with a +costly autograph album; upon every page of which was found a $10 +greenback, amounting in all to $1,000; and that afterward he was +invited to partake of an elegant collation. Or--that the Rev. Silas +Sands received from his church and congregation securities to the +amount of $10,000, as a testimonial of their esteem for his faithful +services for many years. Or, that the Rev. Henry Cook had a gift of a +commodious and pleasant residence from his church; or, that his +health seeming to require a voyage to Europe, the necessary funds were +promptly and cheerfully placed in his hands by his affectionate +people. + +The community do not faint away at these announcements, as far as I +can find out. They seem to have come to the unanimous conclusion that +the "minister," like other laborers, is "worthy of his hire." For one, +I could wish this knowledge had come sooner; for I bethink me, in my +day, of the good men and true, who have staggered to their graves +without a sympathizing word, or the slightest token of recognition for +services under which soul and body were fainting; and whose bitterest +death-pang was the thought that their children, too young to help +themselves, must, after all this serfdom, be the recipients of a +grudging charity. + +The presence of a clergyman is not now the signal for small children +to be seized with mortal terror; he no longer sits like a night-mare +on the panting chest of merriment. He is merry _himself_. The more +Christianity he has the more cheerful he is, and _ought to be_. He +talks upon other things than the ten commandments. He joins in +innocent games and amusements. If he has an opinion, he dares express +it, though it _may_ differ from that of some "prominent man." He can +fish and shoot, and drive and row, and take a milk punch, like other +free agents without damaging his clerical robe or his usefulness. He +can have beautiful things to make his home attractive, without being +accused of "worldliness." He can wear a nicely fitting coat, or boot, +or hat, without peril to anybody's salvation. He can give a good +dinner, or go to one. He can go to the circus. He can attend the +opera. He can own and drive a fast horse. His stomach consequently +does not, as of yore, cling to his miserable backbone; nor are his +cheeks cavernous; since he draws a free breath, and sneezes when he +see fit, like the laymen. Every day I thank God that the clergyman's +millennium has begun. That his wife looks no longer like a piece of +worn-out old fur, nor his children like spring chickens. That +congregations now feel a pride in their minister, and an honest shame +when he really needs anything which _they_ have, and _he_ has not. +That they no longer hurt his self-respect by their manner of +"_giving_" what he has _earned_ a thousand times over. In short, "the +minister" is no longer a cringing creature, creeping close to the +wall, lest he offend by the mere fact of his existence; but a +brisk-stepping, square-shouldered, broad-chested, round human being, +whom it is pleasant to look at and comforting to listen to, since his +theology is no longer as pinched as his larder. + + * * * * * + +As to "the minister's wife" of the olden time, where is _she_? The +ubiquitous "minister's wife," who must make and mend, and bake and +brew, and churn, and have children, and nurse and educate them, and +receive calls at all hours, with a sweet smile on her face, and thank +everybody for reminding her of what they consider her short-comings; +who must attend funerals, and weddings, and births, and social +prayer-meetings, and "neighborhood-meetings," and "maternal meetings;" +and contribute calico aprons for the Fejee Islanders, and sew flannel +nightcaps for the Choctaw infants, and cut and make her husband's +trousers; and call as often on Mrs. Deacon Smith, and stay as long to +the minute, as she did on Mrs. Deacon Jones; and who must call a +parish meeting to sit on her new bonnet, if so be that the old one was +pronounced by all the Grundys unfit for farther service. The +minister's wife, who was hunted through the weeks and months and +years, by a carping, stingy parish, till she looked like a worn-out +old piece of fur; behold her now! + +For one, _I_ like to see her pretty bonnet, _I_ like to see her +children shouting in the sunshine, all the same as if their "Pa" +wasn't a minister. I like her daughters to play on the piano, and her +boys to kick round independently and generally like the boys of other +men. I like to see them live in a comfortable house, hung with +pictures and filled with pretty things. I like their table to have +nice cups and saucers, and table-cloths and napkins, and good things +to eat on it. I am glad the minister's wife can stay at home when she +feels like it; and not be trotted out with the toothache of a wet day +to see if there is not danger of Squire Smith's baby sneezing because +the wind is east; under penalty of her husband's dismissal from his +pastoral charge. It does me good to see modern ministers' spouses +hold up their heads and face the daylight like other men's wives, +instead of creeping round on all fours, apologizing for their +existence, and inviting cuffs from people who, born without souls, +consequently can have no call for "a minister." + + + + +_BRIDGET AS SHE WAS, AND BRIDGET AS SHE IS._ + + +A square, solid form, innocent of corsets; a thick, dark +"stuff"-dress, raised high above ankles which are shaped for use; +stout leather shoes; hands red and gloveless; a bonnet of obsolete +shape and trimmings; a face round as the moon, from which the rich red +blood, made of potatoes and pure air, seems ready to burst; great, +honest eyes, always downcast when addressed by those whom the old +country styles "superiors." Such is Bridget when she first steps from +the deck of the good ship "Maria," at Castle Garden. + +Bridget goes to a "place." The pert house-maid titters when she +appears, square and wholesome, like a human cow. Bridget's ears catch +the word "greenhorn," and "she might as well be a grandmother as to be +only seventeen." Bridget looks furtively at the smart, though cheap +dress of the chambermaid, with its inevitable flimsy ruffled skirt and +tinsel buttons, and then at her despised "best dress," which she has +been wont to keep so tidy for Sundays and holidays. She looks at the +thin, paper-soled gaiters of the critical housemaid, and then at her +stout, dew-defying brogans. She looks at her own thick masses of hair, +fastened up with only one idea--to keep it out of the way--and then +at the housemaid's elaborate parlor-imitation of puff and braid and +curl. The view subdues her. She is for the first time ashamed of her +own thick natural tresses. She looks at her peony-red cheeks, and +contrasts them with the sickly but "genteel" pallor of the +housemaid's, and gradually it dawns upon her why they whispered +"greenhorn" when she stepped into the kitchen that first day. But the +housemaid, overpowering as she is to Bridget, suffers a total eclipse +when the lady of the house sweeps past, in full dress. Bridget +looks--marvels, adores, and vows to imitate. _That_ hair! _Those_ +jewels! _That_ long, trailing silk skirt and embroidered petticoat! +_Did_ anybody _ever_? _Could_ Bridget in any way herself reach such +perfection? She blushes to think that only last night in her +home-sickness she actually longed to milk once more the old red cow in +the cherished barn-yard. How ridiculous! She doubts whether that +sumptuous lady ever saw a cow. The idea that she--Bridget--had been +contented all her life to have only cows look at her! By the way--why +should that curly-headed grocer-boy talk so much to the housemaid, +when he brings parcels, and never to her? A light dawns on her dormant +brain. She will fix her hair the way to catch grocer-boys. She too +will have a ruffled skirt to drag through the gutter, though she may +never own any underclothes. She will have some brass ear-rings and +bracelets and things, and some paper-soled boots, with her very first +wages; and as to her bonnet, it is true, she can afford only one for +market and for "mass;" for rain and shine; for heat and for cold; but +by St. Patrick, it shall be a fourteen-dollar "dress-hat," anyhow, +though she may never own a pair of India-rubbers, or a flannel +petticoat, or a pocket-handkerchief, or an umbrella. Just as if this +wasn't a "free country?" Just as if that spiteful housemaid was going +to have all the grocer-boys to herself? Bridget will see about that! +Her eyes are a pretty blue; and as to her hair, it is at least her +own; yes, ma'am; no "rats" will be necessary for _her_; that will save +something. + +And so the brogans, and the dark "stuff"-dress, and the thick +stockings, and shawl, come to grief; and in two months' time flash is +written all over Bridget, from the crown of her showy hat to the tips +of her crucified toes, squeezed into narrow, paper-soled, fashionable, +high-heeled gaiters. And as to her "superiors," gracious goodness! +America is not Ireland, nor England either, I'd have you to know. You +had better just mention that word in Bridget's hearing now, and see +what will come of it! + + * * * * * + +Stealing is a rough, out-and-out word, generally most obnoxious to +those, who are in the daily and hourly practice of it. Now domestics +too often consider that everything that drops upon the carpet is their +personal property, from a common pin to a pair of diamond ear-rings. +"_I found it on the floor_," is considered by them sufficient excuse +when detected in any felonious appropriation. + +Now the laws of gravitation being fixed, this view of the case is +rather startling to mistresses; particularly as childish fingers will +pull at belts till buckles and clasps drop off; at chains till +trinkets are dissevered; at hair till ornamental combs or head pins +tumble out; at fingers till rings slip off on sofas or chairs. + +When dropped, "has Bridget seen them?" _No!_ though she may have swept +the room ten minutes after. _No!_--though you are sure of having them +on when you came into that room, and of not having them on when you +left. No!--Bridget confronts you sturdily--No! You bite your lips and +pocket the loss, with the pleasant recollection that the missing +article was a gift from some dear, perhaps dead friend. Once in a +while, to be sure, you may be fortunate enough, by making a sudden and +successful foray among her goods and chattels, to seize the lost +treasure; but as a general rule, you may as well turn your thoughts +upon some less irritating subject. According to Bridget's code, it is +not "stealing," constantly to use your thread, needles, spools, silk, +tape, thimble and scissors, unlimitedly, to make or mend her own +clothes. Is it not just so much saved from her pocket, toward the +purchase of a brass breast-pin, or a flashy dress-bonnet? +India-rubbers and umbrellas, too, being merely useful articles, she +cannot be expected to provide them for her own use; therefore yours, +one after another, travel off in new and unknown directions, until +you are quite weary of providing substitutes. Occasionally, your +spangled opera-fan spends an evening out, where you yourself never had +the felicity of an introduction; or--your gloves take a short journey, +and return as travellers are apt to do, in rather a soiled and +dilapidated condition. As to cologne and perfumes of all kinds, pomade +and hair-pins, they disappear like dew before the rising sun. "_Where +all the pins go_" is also no longer a mystery. Of course "real ladies" +never notice these little thefts; but accept them in the light of +Bridget's perquisites, only too thankful if she leaves to them the +private and unshared use of their head-brush and tooth-brush. To sum +up the whole thing, there would seem to be only two ways at present of +getting along with servants. One is to be deaf, dumb and blind to +everything that is out of the way; or else to live in a state of +perpetual warfare with their general shortcomings. A man's ultimatum +is, "just step into an Intelligence Office and get another." Alas! +what this "getting another" implies, with all its initiatory +vexations, is known only to the _mistress_ of the house. To make the +moon-struck _master_ of it comprehend that his wife cannot at once, +upon the entrance of a bran new Bridget, dismiss dull care, would take +more breath than most mothers of young and rising families are able to +spare. + + * * * * * + +Then again, if there is anything calculated to "rile" the mistress of +a family, it is this common rejoinder of domestics to any attempt to +regulate the household work. "When I lived with Mrs. Smith I did thus +and so." Will they _never_ be made to understand, be they English, +Irish, German, or Yankee, that Mrs. Smith's way of managing _her_ +family affairs can have no possible connection with Mrs. Jones's plans +for the same. That, on the contrary, Mrs. Jones does not care a +d----ime what hour of the day Mrs Smith breakfasts, dines, or sups; +what days she goes out, or stays in; or in what manner she has her +washing, clear-starching and cooking done. In short, that it is not +only totally irrelevant to the subject to mention her, but a nuisance +and an irritation. _Can_ Betty, or Sally, or Bridget ever comprehend +that, when they engaged to work for Mrs. Jones, they were not engaged +to work according to Mrs. Smith's programme, or their own, or that of +any mistress who has ever existed since Eve, who, blessed be her name, +lived on grapes and things that involved no servants. And can any +phrenologist inform us whether a kitchen-bump exists, which, if +patiently manipulated for a series of months, might in time convey the +idea, that while roast-beef, done to leather, may be palatable to Mrs. +Smith, rare beef may be equally palatable to Mrs. Jones? Also, if by +any elaborate and painstaking process of instruction, Sally, or +Bridget, or Betty might be taught, that the hours for meals in +different families may be allowed to vary, according to the different +tastes and occupations of each, and that without endangering the +Constitution of the United States. In short, that it is about time +that the kitchen-traditions, with which domestics usually swathe +themselves round, like so many mummies, were abolished; and every +family-tub be allowed quietly to repose on its own independent bottom. + +We often wonder how Mr. Jones or Mr. Smith would fancy it, should Tom +Tiddler, their clerk, answer their orders by informing them +gratuitously of the manner in which the firm of Jenkins & Co. +conducted their mercantile business; and how they would stand being +harrowed within an inch of their lives while busily taking an account +of stock, by any such irrelevant nonsense. + +Also: I would respectfully submit whether the petty, every-day +irritations over which Mr. Jones or Mr. Smith smoke themselves stupid, +or explode in naughty words, should not, in the case of Mrs. Jones and +Mrs. Smith, be allowed some other escape-valve than that of the +"Woman's Guide Book's"--_sweet smile_. + + * * * * * + +The other day, in running my eye over a daily paper, I read this +advertisement: "A _genteel_ girl wishes a situation as chambermaid." +Now if there is one word in the English language that I hate more than +another, it is the word _genteel_. No matter where, or how, or to +whom, or by whom it is applied, my very soul sickens at it. It is the +universal and never-failing indorser of every sham ever foisted upon +disgusted human nature. From the "genteel" cabbage-scented +boarding-house, where tobacco emasculated young men "feed," and +mindless, be-flounced, cheap jewel-ried married and unmarried women +smile sweetly on them, to the seventh-rate dry-goods store in some +obscure street, whose clerk sells only the most "genteel" goods at a +shilling per yard; to the "genteel" school-girl who, owning one greasy +silk dress, imagines that she understands her geography better in that +attire than in a quiet, clean, modest "de laine;" to the "genteel" +shop-girl who, pitiably destitute of comfortable underclothes, yet +always owns a "dress hat," and swings about the last showy fashion in +trimming, on some cheap fabric; to the "genteel" cook who goes to +market with her hair dressed as near as may be like her mistress, +fastening it up with a brassy imitation of her gold comb; to the +"genteel" seminary for young ladies, who ride to school in a carriage +with liveried servants, their papa having formerly been one himself. + +But a "genteel" chambermaid! Now, why should this patrician creature +seek such a prosaic, vulgar occupation? Could she be aware that +chambermaids must wield brooms, and dust-pans, and scrubbing-brushes, +and handle pokers, and shovel, and tongs, and ashes. That they may +even be asked to stand at the wash-tub, and be seen by the neighbors +in the disgraceful occupation of hanging out clothes. That they may +occasionally have to answer the door-bell in an apron, and usher +finely-dressed ladies into the parlor; or be asked to take a baby out +for an airing, and be stamped at once by the public as a person who +"works for a living." How can a "genteel" chambermaid calmly +contemplate such degradation, least of all perform such duties +faithfully and well? Would not any sensible lady, wishing a +chambermaid, see at once that the thing was impossible? Would she not +know that she might ring her bell till the wire gave out, before this +"genteel" young woman would think it expedient to answer it till she +was ready? And when she sent her up stairs to tidy her chamber, would +she not be sure that this "genteel" creature would probably spend the +time in trying on her mistress' last new opera-hat before the +toilet-glass? And if she sent her out on an errand, involving even a +moderately sized bundle, would not this "genteel" young woman probably +take a circuitous route through back streets to hide her ignominy? + +Heavens! what a relief it is to see people self-poised and satisfied +with their honest occupations, making no attempt to veneer them over +with a thin polish of gentility. Such I am happy to say there still +are, in humble circumstances, notwithstanding the bad example +constantly set them by the moneyed class in our country, who are +servilely and snobbishly bent on aping all the aristocratic +absurdities of the old country. "_Genteel!_" Faugh! even the +detestable expression-word "FUST-rate" is music to my ears after it. + + * * * * * + +After all, I am not sure that my sympathies are not enlisted much more +strongly on the side of servants than of their mistresses, who at any +moment can show them the door at their capricious will, without a +passport to any other place of shelter. Their lot is often at best a +hard one;--the best wages being a very inadequate equivalent for the +great gulf which, in many cases, separates the servant from her +employer as effectually, as if her woman's nature had no need of human +love and human sympathy; as if she did not often bear her secret +burden of sorrow with a heroism, which should cause a blush on the +cheek of her who sits with folded hands in the parlor, all neglectful +of woman's mission to her dependent sister. They who have listened +vainly for kind words know how much they may lighten toil. They who +have shut up in their aching hearts the grief which no friendly look +or tone has ever unlocked, know how it will fester and rankle. They +who have felt every ounce of their flesh taxed unrelentingly day by +day to the utmost, with no approving "well done" to lighten slumber +when the heavy yoke is nightly cast down, know what is servitude of +_soul_, as well as body. + +I could wish that mistresses oftener thought of this; oftener sat down +in the gloomy, underground kitchen or basement, and inquired after the +absent mother, or brother, or sister, in the old country; oftener +placed in the toil-hardened hand the book or paper, or pamphlet, to +shorten the tedious evening in the comfortless kitchen, while the +merry laugh in which the servant has no share, resounds from the +cheerful parlor above. + +I do not forget that there are bad servants, as that there are +unfeeling, inhuman mistresses who make them. I know that some are +wasteful and improvident; and I know, from experience, that there are +cases where the sympathy and kindness I speak of are repaid with +ingratitude; but these are exceptional cases; and think how much hard +usage from the world such an one must have received, ere all her sweet +and womanly feelings could be thus blunted. I must think that a humane +mistress generally makes a good servant. I know that some of the +servants of the present day dress ridiculously above their +station,--so does often the mistress; and why is a poor, unenlightened +girl more reproachable, for spending the wages of a month on a flimsy, +gaudy bonnet, or dress, than is her employer, for trailing a +seventy-five or one hundred dollar robe through ferryboats and +omnibuses, while her grocer and milliner dun in vain for their bills? + +Let the reform in this and other respects begin in the parlor. Our +mothers and grandmothers were not always changing servants. _They_ did +not disdain to lend a helping hand, when a press of work, or company, +made the burden of servitude too heavy. A headache in the kitchen, to +them, meant the same as a headache in the parlor, and, God be thanked, +a heart-ache too. The soul of a servant was of as much account as that +of her mistress; her creed was respected, and no elaborate dinner came +between her and the church-door. How can you expect such unfaltering, +unswerving devotion to your interests, when you so wholly ignore +theirs?--when you spur and goad them on like beasts of burden, and +with as little thought for their human wants and needs? No wonder if +you have poor service--eye-service. I would like to see you do better +in their place. Lift up the cloud, and let the sun shine through into +their underground homes, if it is not a mockery to use the word home. +We exact too much--we give too little,--too little sympathy--too +little kindness--too little encouragement. "Love thy neighbor as +thyself" would settle it all. You don't do it--I don't do it, though I +try to. Human laws may require only of the mistress that she pay her +servant's wages punctually; God's law requires much more--let +conscience be its interpreter;--then, and not till then, we shall have +good servants. + + * * * * * + +I suppose the most jealous fault-finders on this subject will concede +that mistresses themselves are not quite perfect; of course, they have +often real causes of irritation and vexation apart from the kitchen, +which, we are afraid, do not dispose them to look leniently upon any +additional trouble there. A "flare up" with Betty or Bridget, is apt +to be the last drop in the bucket, the last feather in the balance. +But, unfortunately, it is not taken into account that Betty and +Bridget, being human, may have their little world of hopes and joys, +fears and sorrows, quite disconnected with your gridiron, and +dustpan, and ash-barrel. They also have heads and backs to ache, and +hearts too, though this may not always be taken into the account, by +employers, who, satisfied with punctually paying the stipulated wages +when due, and getting as much as possible out of them as an +equivalent, consider their duty ended. Some day your dinner is over or +under cooked; that day Bridget received a letter from the "old +country" with a "black seal." She did not come to you with her +trouble; why should she? when she might have been a mere machine for +any sympathetic word or look that has ever passed from your woman's +heart or eyes to hers. All you know is that your dinner is overcooked, +and a sharp rebuke follows, and from the fulness of a tried spirit an +"impertinent" answer comes, and you show Bridget the door, preaching a +sermon on the neglectfulness and insolence of servants. Had you been +the mistress you should have been, Bridget would naturally have come +to you with her trouble, and you would willingly have excused at such +a time any little oversight in her duty to you, even though on that +day you "had company to dinner." Take another case. On some day in the +week, when the heaviest family labor falls due, your girl whose +province it is to accomplish it, rises with an aching head, or limbs, +as you sometimes do yourself, and as you do not, she rises from bed +all the same as if she were well. As you have no use for your lips in +the kitchen, save to give an order, and no eyes, save to look after +defects of economy or carefulness, you do not see her languid eyes, or +ask the cause of any apparent dilatoriness; you simply "hurry up" +things generally, and go up stairs. Now, suppose you had kindly asked +the girl if she felt quite well, and finding she did not, offered to +lift from her aching shoulders that day's burden; _suppose_ that? why, +ten to one, it would have done her more good than could any doctor who +ever took a degree, and the poor thing, under its inspiration, might +actually have staggered through the day's work, had you been so cruel +as to allow her. + +I wish mistresses would sometimes ask themselves how long, under the +depressing conditions and circumstances of servitude above alluded to, +_they_ could render faithful conscientious labor? Feeling that doing +well, there was no word of praise; and that doing ill, there was no +excuse or palliation; that falling sick or disabled, from over work or +natural causes, there was no sympathy, but only nervous anxiety for a +speedy substitute. + +Again. Many mistresses utterly object to "a beau" in the kitchen. Now +could anything be more unnatural and absurd than this? though, of +course, there should be limitations as to late hours. Marriage, with +many of these domestics, is the heaven of rest and independence to +which they look forward; and even if they are to work quite as hard +"for a living," as a poor man's wife, as they have for you, they may +possibly have, as wives--heaven help them--a little love to sweeten +it; and surely no wife or mother should shut her heart utterly to +this view of the case. As to the girl's "bettering herself," let her +take the chances, if she chooses, as you have. Possibly, some lady who +reads this may say, oh, all this talk about servants is nonsense. I've +often petted girls till I have spoiled them, and it is of no use. Very +true, madam, "petting" is of no use; but it _is_ of use to treat them +at all times kindly, and humanely, and above all things _justly_, as +we--women--in their places, should wish to be treated ourselves. It +_is_ of use to make a little sunshine in those gloomy kitchens, by a +kind good night, or good morning, or some such recognition of their +presence, other than a desire to be waited upon. It _is_ of use, when +they are sick or down-hearted, to turn _to_, not _from_ them. All this +can be done, and not "spoil" them. And how much better, even as far as +yourself is concerned, to feel that their service is that of love and +good-will, instead of mere "eye-service." A lady once asked a servant +for her references. There was more justice and less "impertinence," +than appears at the first blush, in her reply, "and where are _yours_, +ma'am?" + + + + +_A CHAPTER ON TOBACCO._ + + +I hate Tobacco. I _don't_ hate all its devotees. Oh, no. In its ranks +are men who would gladly die for their country if need be; and yet no +slave whom they would lay down a life to free, shall be more truly a +slave, than are these patriots to the tyrant Tobacco. + +Well--what then? manhood inquires, with his hat cocked defiantly, and +his arms a-kimbo. What then? Only this: we women so wish you hadn't so +disgusting and dirty a habit. Now reach out your hand, take a seat +beside me, and let me talk to you about it. + +In the first place, bear with a little egotism. I am not six feet +high; I belong to no Woman's Rights Convention, if that be a crime in +your eyes. I'm just a merry woman, four feet in stature, who would +much rather love than hate everything and everybody in this lovely +world, if I could; who had much rather have friends than enemies if I +could, without muzzling my thoughts, or my pen. + +If not--I am going to shut up my umbrella, and let the shower come. _I +hate tobacco._ I am a clean creature, and it smells bad. Smells is a +mild word; but I will use it, being a woman. I deny your right to +smell bad in my presence, or the presence of any of our clean +sisterhood. I deny your right to poison the air of our parlors, or our +bed-rooms, with your breath, or your tobacco-saturated clothing, even +though you _may_ be our husbands. Terrible creature! I think I hear +you say; I am glad you are not my wife. So am I. How would you like +it, had you arranged your parlor with dainty fingers, and were +rejoicing in the sweet-scented mignonette, and violets, and +heliotrope, in the pretty vase on your table--forgetting in your +happiness that Bridget and Biddy had vexed your soul the greater part +of the day--and in your nicely-cushioned chair, were resting your +spirit even more than your body, to have a man enter, with that +detestable bar-room odor, and spoil it all? Or worse: light a cigar or +pipe in your very presence, and puff away as if it were the heaven to +you which it appears to be to him. The "Guide to Women" would tell you +that you should "let him smoke, for fear he might do worse." Suppose +we try that boot on the other foot, and let women drink for the same +reason? Of course you see, to begin with, that I consider woman as +much an individual as her husband. With just as much right to an +opinion, a taste, a smell, or a preference of any kind, as himself; +and just as much right to express and maintain it, if she see fit. +Now, to my belief, drinking would brutify her physically and morally +no quicker than tobacco does him. Because a man is able to stand on +his two legs, it does not follow that his perceptions are clear; that +his temper is not irritable, or morose; that his vitality by long +abuse is _not_ nearly exhausted, and that, when he should be in the +prime and vigor of a glorious manhood. It does not follow that there +are not empty chairs around his table, and little graves in the +churchyard, for which he is responsible. It does not follow that a +sharp answer, a careless indifference, has not taken the place of +loving words and an earnest desire to contribute his share of sunlight +in his home. When I say that tobacco _brutifies_ its devotees, I know +what I am talking about. When a man carries his lighted pipe, or +cigar, into the bed-room of a sick child, to whom pure air is life or +death, we may infer that his selfishness in this regard has reached +its climax. Or when he continues to smoke in the presence of his wife, +knowing that sick headache is the sure result, we may draw the same +inference. Not to mention that your smoker always selects the +pleasantest window, or the best seat on a piazza, or the shadiest seat +under a tree, forcing the ladies of the family, or the circle, +wherever he is, to breathe this bad odor, or remove to some other +locality. Nor does the bland "_I trust this is not unpleasant to you_" +help the matter; while women, so much more magnanimous than men, +receive this reward for their "polite" evasion of the subject. + + * * * * * + +I go into a newspaper store to purchase a magazine; there stands a +gentleman (?) at my side with a lighted cigar in his mouth, coolly +looking over the papers at his leisure. If I beat a hasty retreat to +another establishment of the same kind, I find other gentlemen (?) +similarly employed. If I get into a street car, even if no one is +"smoking upon the platform," five out of ten of the male passengers +will have parted with their cigars only at the moment of entering, +poisoning still further the close car-atmosphere with this hated +effluvia. At places of evening amusement, concerts, lectures and the +like, the same thing occurs; indeed, they often repeat the horror by +renewing the tobacco-smoke in the intervals during the performance. If +I walk in the street, vile breaths are puffed in my face from pipes or +cigars by every second gentleman (?) who passes. I am getting sick of +"_gentlemen_;" it would be a relief if the great showman would +advertise us a _man_. If a "gentleman" comes in to make an evening +call, he deposits his cigar stump on your front steps just before +entering, and very likely lights another in your front entry before +departing. The man who brings you a parcel, often stands in the entry +smoking, while waiting further orders. The emissary of the butcher, or +grocer, perfumes your kitchen and area in the same manner. Your cook's +male "cousin" smokes when he makes his evening calls. In the railroad +car you are stifled with the remains of tobacco-smoke. In steamboats, +in hotels, it is the same, whensoever a male creature enters. If a +lady exerts herself to get up, or oversee, or engineer, a nice dinner +for some gentleman (?) friends of her husband's, they prove their +appreciation of her good dinner and her good company, by retiring to +another room than that the hostess is in, the moment they have eaten +to satiety, in order that they may smoke till it is time to leave her +very hospitable house. + +Said a prominent editor one day to me: "You are right, madam, the +moment a man becomes wedded to tobacco he becomes a--hog!" This is a +strong way of putting it, but the subject is _strong_ in every sense. +Physicians will tell you that men who would resent the imputation that +they were not good husbands and fathers, will selfishly poison the air +of a sick-room and distress the breathing of the invalid without +remorse. I repeat it, I am firmly of the opinion, that tobacco +brutifies equally with drink. The process may be slower, but it is +just as sure. A drunkard will sometimes own that drink hurts him; or +that he drinks too much; or would be better without it; a smoker +_never_. 'Tis true, he will admit that Tom Jones, or Sam Smith, smokes +too much; but not that _he_ ever did, or shall. In fact, he is sure +that in _his_ case tobacco is beneficial; "it soothes him when he is +irritable," which, thanks to tobacco, is so often, that the soothing +process is perpetual. A man said one day to his comrade in the street +cars, "Tom, I really think I should have given up smoking long since, +had not my wife constantly said it was so disagreeable." What better +proof could he have given of its brutalizing tendency? + +I know no place where "smoking not allowed," is not a dead letter, +except in church. Even there the cigar stump is often tossed away at +the church porch, and men sit impatiently fingering the vile weed +which is destined to console them, the minute the benediction shall +have been pronounced; now, when a gentleman (?) becomes so enslaved by +this bad habit, that neither the disgust of the female inmates of his +own house, or other houses, who suffer by it, fails to move him, even +though they may not, for the sake of peace, complain; and when the +terrible sight of this smoker's own little son, already going to and +from school with cigar and satchel in company, does not shame him; +when any society, how intelligent soever, is distasteful, nay, +_unbearable_ to him, where tobacco is not permitted, for one I would +not toss up a pin for the choice between that man and a drunkard. + + * * * * * + +People say: Whence all these matinées of all kinds, operatic and +other, that are springing up in our cities? I answer--Tobacco! "No +smoking allowed here"--if over the entrance of Paradise--and the men +would prefer their pipe with the accompaniment of the infernal +regions. A man can't very well talk with a pipe in his mouth. If a +pipe he prefers to all things else, from the time he returns to his +house at night till he goes to bed, his wife naturally wearies of +watching that smoke curl, though she may be an angel in his eyes in +every other respect. It is dull music, after the petty little +musquito-stinging household cares of the day, to which even the best +mothers and most capable housekeepers are subject, in a greater or +less degree. "When he lights that cigar every night I want to scream," +said a lovely woman to me. "I am _so_ tired of the house at night; I +want him to talk to me, or go out with me; I should take hold of my +cares and duties the next day with so much more heart if he did. I +love my home; I love my babies; I love my husband; but oh, he _don't_ +know how tired and nervous I often get by night, and that silence, and +that suffocating smoke, are so intolerable to me then." Why don't she +_say_ so? you ask. Why? because women are so hungry for a little love, +and find it so impossible to live without it, that they often endure +any amount of this kind of selfishness rather than hazard its loss for +a day. Now, _is_ this right? Is it what a wife is entitled to, after +trying all day to make home bright and happy for her husband? + +"And all this fuss about a little smoke," I hear Tom exclaim. + +Not exactly. _It is the injustice of men toward women_ for which it +stands the horrible, nauseating symbol. Suppose your wife, fancying +the smell of asafoetida, should keep an uncorked phial of it in her +parlor and bed-room? How long would _you_ stand it? Suppose she should +smoke _herself_ or "dip" in self-defence? Suppose that sweet breath +were to become nauseous? her curls unbearable in near proximity? +Suppose she grew slatternly in her habits in consequence, as all +smokers eventually do? Suppose her little baby's clothes were +saturated with tobacco? In short, that you were disgusted with its +presence or results every hour in the twenty-four, as you would be in +your wife's case. + +Now I ask, isn't it just as much a man's duty to be clean and +presentable and inviting to his wife, as it is hers toward him? Well, +replies Tom, men don't look at the subject in that way, and never +will, and now, what are you going to do about it? + +Me? nothing. The men will continue to put up their heels at night, and +smoke till bed-time, and think it a bore to go out, _i. e._ with their +wives, and the disgusted women, who really _want_ to be good wives, +and would, if their husbands were more just and manly, will go as they +have begun to do, to the next day's operatic matinée for relaxation; +and after the matinée, a cup of chocolate or an ice-cream tastes well; +and sometimes one meets an agreeable _male_ friend there, who does +_not_ prefer a solitary pipe or a cigar to a little bright and +enlivening conversation with this tired lady. + +Women have a right to protest against that which withdraws husbands, +fathers and brothers from their society as soon as they cross the +threshold of home, or else dooms them to inhale a nauseous atmosphere, +and watch the unsocial puff--puff--which is monotonous enough to drive +any woman crazy who already has had quite too much monotony during the +day, and finds little variety enough, in watching the curl from that +eternal pipe. I blame no woman whose only evening amusement is this, +after her children are put to sleep, for protesting, and roundly too, +against such unmitigated selfishness; I blame no woman, whose husband, +when he does occasionally drum up sufficient vitality to wait upon her +out, for requesting that the omnipresent pipe or cigar may for once be +dispensed with, as she takes his arm, on that memorable occasion. As I +said before, men become so utterly brutified by this disgusting habit, +that they lose all sense of politeness and cleanliness. It is quite +time they were reminded of it. + + + + +_GIVE THE CONVICTS A CHANCE._ + + +It seems to me that of all the charities in our great city, none is +more deserving of the attention of the benevolent, than that which +takes the little children of our poor, from the moral and physical +filth of their wretched surroundings, and places them in healthy, pure +homes in the country. No one, who has ever had heart and courage to +penetrate the terrible lanes, alleys and by-ways of poverty and crime +in New York, but asks himself with a shudder, as he looks at the +little ones there, what sort of men and women will these children be? +How far will He who counteth the fall of the sparrow, hold _them_ +responsible for the dreadful teachings of their infancy? Infancy? the +word is a mockery. They have none. To feign--to cheat--to steal--this +is their alphabet. As to the fathers and mothers, who fold their lazy +hands and sit down in these pestiferous places to await the "penny" +pittances their children may collect, or their little pilferings which +may be turned into "pennies," the sooner the doors of our jails and +penitentiaries close on _them_ the better. _Their_ case is hopeless; +since sin has reached its climax when it deliberately and +systematically debauches childhood. But the little ones? _They_ might +be saved. They _are_ being saved; that's a comfort to know. Daily they +are being collected, by good men who make it their chief occupation to +wash, feed, clothe and transplant these sickly shoots of poverty, into +the fair garden of the West. Many a farmer's family there has a rosy +face by its hearth, which you would never recognize to be the squalid +little creature, whose shivering palm was extended to you at midnight, +as you returned home from some place of amusement in the city. There +it is being taught useful and _happy_ labor. There is pure air--sweet +food, and enough of it. Good company and good books. _There_ are +Sundays. Blessed be Sundays! for injudiciously as they are sometimes +observed even by good people, be sure that sweet old hymn will go +singing through the future life of these children, like a golden +thread, gleaming out from the dark woof of care and trouble: + + "Nearer, my God, to Thee, + Nearer to Thee; + E'en though it be a cross + That raiseth me, + Still all my song shall be, + Nearer, my God, to Thee, + Nearer to Thee." + +No matter where they go, this hymn, and others like it, shall go with +them; cleansing and purifying, like a breath of sweet air, all the +dreadful remembrances of that foul home from which they were rescued. +Think what it were to change the life, temporal and eternal, of _one_ +such child! And God be praised, the number of the saved is Legion. +How like a dreadful dream to the girl, in a happy home of her own, +with her own innocent baby on its father's knee, will be the pit of +degradation, where, but for this charity, _she_ might have been lost. +She realizes it fully now, when she looks into her little baby's face, +and grows chill with fear as she kisses it. And her brother! the hale, +sturdy-honest, well-to-do farmer, who comes in of an evening to talk +about _his_ farm and _his_ crops, and _his_ barns full of plenty--can +that be Johnny? once with the hat guiltless of a brim, the coat with +one flap, the trousers with half a leg, and the mouth full of oaths +and obscenity! Can that be Johnny, who dodged policemen so adroitly, +and was on the high road to the gallows in short jackets? This is not +fiction. This is not imagination. The biographies of great men and +women will yet adorn your library shelves, whose childhood had such +rescuing as this. One gets the heart-ache at every step in New York, +if he has eyes or ears for aught save Mammon; and yet how like +sun-beams, now and then, across this darkness, comes some noble +charity, of whose existence you knew nothing, till some unpretentious +sign arrests the eye, in some street never before travelled by you in +your daily rounds--some "Asylum," or "Retreat," or "Home," or +Hospital, at whose gate Mercy stands with outstretched arms, nor asks +the poor unfortunate whom it shelters, its creed or its nationality, +but says only--Here is comfort and help. + +This much concerning _organized_ Charities. But of the noble women, +and men, too, who daily and quietly stretch out helping hands, giving +time and money, without other reward than the satisfaction such acts +bring to a kind heart--of them, surely there is One who will keep +record. + + * * * * * + +I see other signs of the millennium. In Massachusetts they have +Evening Lectures for the benefit of the convicts in the State Prison. +I shall never forget my tour through a State Prison, one bright summer +day. The hopeless faces of the men in the workshops. Their sullen +looks when by twos they marched in long procession across the yard, +under guard, to their dinner. I shall never forget the poor wretches +in the carding-room, breathing all day, and every day, the little +fuzzy, floating particles, which set me coughing painfully the moment +I entered the door; and when I asked the attendant if it did not +injure their lungs, the cool matter-of-fact manner in which he +answered, "Yes--they didn't live very long." I remember well the +horrid, contracted cells, against whose walls I know I should have +dashed out my brains, were I locked in long enough. And well too could +I understand what a horror Sunday must be, imprisoned there, _all_ +day, with only the interval of an hour of church; alone with torturing +memories; till they prayed for the light of Monday morning and +work--work!--ever so _hard_ work, so that it only brought contact and +companionship with their kind, speechless though it were. + +I remember, too, being told, on inquiry, that the convicts were +allowed books to read in their cells on Sunday; but on examination of +the cells, I found many so dark that even at midday the offer of +"books to read" would have been a mere mockery. I remember, too, the +emaciated, hollow-eyed sick men, lounging on benches in the yard, and, +when I pitied them, being told that they often "feigned sickness." +Heaven knows I should not have blamed them for feigning anything, when +humanity so slept that visitors were told _in their hearing_ of their +crimes, as they were severally pointed out, and their names and former +professions and places of residence given; here a doctor, there a +minister, who had fallen from grace. + +Surely, thought I, there _must_ come a time when a better way than +this shall be found to "_reform_" men. Surely it can never be done by +driving them mad with unrelieved severity like this. For I remembered +a letter I received from a convict, to whom some printed word of mine +had accidentally floated through his prison bars, and "helped him," so +he wrote me, "to bear up till the time for his release came, when he +hoped to be a better man." + +Had I never written but that one word, I am glad to have lived for +that man's sake. + +And now what a change! These poor creatures, instead of darkness and +solitude--with hate, and revenge, and despair maddening them--have +evening lectures for their profit and encouragement. Something to +_think_ about in the long hours of wakefulness and sickness; +something to look forward to when the day's unrewarded toil is done; +something to rout the demons that crouch in their cells and wait their +coming at night, till any other hell than this would seem heaven. Let +us hope that the example of good old Massachusetts in this and many +other praiseworthy regards may be widely imitated. + +Surely as God lives, there is a window in the soul of every debased +man and woman, at which Love and Mercy may knock and whisper, and be +heard. Nor can warden or overseer or chaplain ever be sure that from +those convict cells is not issuing the stifled cry--No man cares for +_my_ soul. + + + + +_A GLANCE AT WASHINGTON._ + + +I have no means of judging what Washington may look like in sunny +weather; sleet and rain having combined on my visit there, for a +"spell" of the most detestable weather ever encountered by a +traveller. The streets were a quaking jelly of mud, filled with a +motley procession of dirt-incrusted army-wagons, drawn by +wretched-looking horses, the original color of whose hide was known +only to their owners. Military men swarmed on the sidewalks, gossipped +on the steps of public buildings, filled hotel entries, parlors and +dining-rooms, and splashed through mud-puddles with a recklessness +born of camp-initiation. To escape from wet sidewalks into street-cars +was to wade to them literally ankle-deep in mud-jelly. To the +resolute, however, all things are possible; especially when millinery +and dry-goods are counted as naught; I went there to see what was to +be seen, and I saw it. + +The night before I visited the Capitol there came a heavy fall of +snow; the long avenues of trees leading to it looked very beautiful, +bending under their pure white burden, or tossing it lightly off, as +the wind swept by. Every garden seat had a round white cushion, every +statue a snow-crown. No art of man could have improved upon this +festal adorning of nature. The "prospect from the dome" we had to +take, by faith, more's the pity, the snow-king having drawn a veil +over it. Of course I stared about the Rotunda, like my betters. As I +have never "been abroad," I suppose I am not entitled to an opinion +upon the pictures I saw there; but it _did_ strike me that De Soto, +the discoverer of the Mississippi River, who travelled through the +wilderness for that purpose, thousands of miles, exposed to all +dangers and weathers; who lost cattle and men by fatigue and famine, +and was otherwise harassed to the verge of dissolution, could not, at +the moment, when success crowned his efforts, have been found in a +rich crimson jacket with slashed Spanish sleeves, and silk stockings +drawn over well-rounded calves, and an immaculate head of hair, +looking as if it had just emerged from a fashionable barber's shop. I +say it struck _me_ so, but then I'm "only a woman," and have never +been to Italy. It struck me also that their rags, and their dirt, and +their uncombed locks, and their jaded horses, would have looked quite +as picturesque, and had the added advantage of being true to nature. +It occurred to me also that some of the horses of the victorious +generals in the other pictures were very impossible animals, but that +may be owing to some defect in my early education. I could not help +thinking that our great-great-great-grand children might possibly wish +that we had left the _art-selection_ to themselves. It won't matter +much to us then, however. + +How patriotic I felt when I stood on the floor of the Senate! A minute +more, and I should have forgotten my bonnet, and made a speech myself. +It might not have been "in order," but I think it would have been +listened to while it lasted, though when my enthusiasm was over, I +should probably have collapsed into shamefaced consciousness, very +much as do the restored breathers of "the laughing gas." I never heard +a more eloquent or appropriate prayer than was offered at the opening +of the Senate, that day, by a clergyman, whose name I did not learn. +Years ago, and what clergyman would have dared utter such bold words +in such a place? There were no speeches made that morning; and there +was no need; the place itself was inspiration. My breath came quick as +I looked about me. + +As to the "White House," I have no doubt that the upholstery and +carpets are all right--also the chandeliers. For myself I coveted the +green-house and garden, and the fine piazza at the back of the house, +with its view of Arlington Heights and the white tents of the +encampment in the distance. The "East Room," with its Parisian carpet, +would have astonished the ghost of Mrs. John Adams, who used to dry +her clothes there, when it was in an unfinished state. How very +strange it looked to see sentinels on duty before the doors; one +realizes that there "is war," when in Washington and its surroundings, +where railroad gates and public buildings are guarded, and at every +few miles of road up starts a sentinel, and camps are so plentiful +that one ceases to regard them with a curious eye. + + * * * * * + +After walking through the Patent Office at Washington, I had several +reflections. First, a feeling of thankfulness that our innocent +ancestors died without knowing how uncomfortable they were,--minus +these modern improvements. Secondly, how many heads must have ached, +hatching out the ideas there practically perfected. Thirdly, did the +_real_ inventors themselves reap any reward, pecuniary or otherwise, +or, having died "making an effort," did some charlatan, with more +money than brains, filch their discovery and, attaching his name to +it, secure both fame and gold? + +Leaving these vexed questions unsettled, the place is of rare interest +even to the ordinary curiosity-hunter, destitute either of +philosophical or mechanical proclivities. Looking at General +Washington's relics, one cannot but be struck with the simple tastes +of that time. The plates, knives and chairs, which formed part of his +household furniture, would--apart from their associations--be sniffed +at in any fashionable mansion of the present day. And as to his +camp-chest and writing-desk, every mother's 1862-pet, whose budding +moustache is half demolished by parting kisses, is provided with a +better as he goes to "the war." And Washington's coat, waistcoat and +breeches are of a fabric so coarse, that our present officials would +decline wearing the like except under compulsion. The same may be said +of the coat worn by the immortal General Jackson; at the mention of +whose name I will forever remove my bonnet, for his unswerving loyalty +toward, and manly defence of, his zealously slandered wife. Alas for +some of the pluck and spirit that animated the sometime wearers of +those faded old military clothes. But it is too aggravating a theme; +though I _did_ linger over those military buttons, with divers little +thoughts which I should like to have whispered into the President's +ear, and which, if properly carried out, would no doubt save this +nation! + +As to the fifteen flashy silk robes presented by the Japanese +government to ours, I had no desire to get into them. A strange +soldier standing near while I was gazing, stepped up, and with camp +frankness said to me: "now I suppose, being a lady, you can form some +idea of the value of those things." "Oh, yes," said I, "they are like +the bonnets of to-day, expensive in proportion to their ugliness." +Penetrated by the wisdom of my reply, he answered feelingly, "_Just +so_,"--and touching his cap, passed on. Among General Washington's +relics I saw a cane presented to him by Franklin, and a chandelier +presented to Washington by some French magnate, so awkward, inferior +and crude, compared with the splendid affairs of the present day, that +one compassionately wishes, for the donor's sake, that his name were +withheld. I saw also, under glass, the original treaties of several +foreign nations, French and others, with our government. The +autographic signatures of great potentates, yellow with time, was +suggestive. The models of steam-engines, revolvers, torpedoes, +mowing-machines and excavators, were "too many for me;" I might have +looked wise over them, to be sure, like other folks, but had I stood +staring till the millennium I couldn't have comprehended them, so +where was the use of shamming? I just said, that's not in my line, and +inspected the different varieties of hoop-skirts; and though the +masculine mind may not recognize the fact, the perfection to which +those things have arrived by gradual stages is comforting to +contemplate. I say "comforting" advisedly; because if one _must_ drag +round so many yards of dry goods, a cage is better adapted to hang +them on than the human hips. It is my opinion that notwithstanding the +torrent of abuse to which the hoop is and has been subjected, it will +never be _dropped_--save at bed-time. + + * * * * * + +It is a melancholy affair to visit public institutions that have +sprung from the legacies of wealthy persons, so often do they fail to +carry out the philanthropic results so enthusiastically programmed by +the donors. This reflection seemed to me not out of place when leaving +the Smithsonian Institute in Washington. The building itself is fine, +and favorably located, and the grounds about it very attractive; but +dust-covered statues, cobwebs, and a general and indescribable air of +inefficiency in the interior, were painfully palpable, and stood as a +type of other posthumous charities which have come under my notice. In +fact, "_wills_" oftener turn out, "_wonts_" than one imagines, +codiciled and guarded as they may be by the best human ingenuity and +foresight. Snakes are not the only wriggling animals, and dead men are +happy in not being able to return to their old haunts. Some of the +pictured celebrities in the place would have leaped from their frames, +had they heard the irreverent bystanders, who here "doing" the lions, +asking who they were, and gaping at the guide-book recital of their +greatness and goodness, from some companion; or turning an indifferent +joke, in the middle of the narration, upon the cut of the pictured +coat, or hair, or beard. It was an excellent comment upon the wearing, +toil and fret of ambition, which eats the heart out of life, and often +sets aside everything worth living for, to gain--_a name_. The +collection of animals there would be interesting doubtless to the +naturalist; but we often wonder who _but_ he, could take pleasure in +bottled snakes, sprawling, impaled bugs, and stuffed monkeys and +baboons. As to the latter, they are too painful a burlesque upon human +beings, to be regarded with complacency. Their horrible and fiendish +exaggeration of some faces, which all of us have, once or more, in our +lives met, is anything but agreeable. The collection of stuffed birds +in this place is exquisitely beautiful. One lingers _there_, oblivious +of wide-mouthed, hungry-looking bears, standing on their hind legs, or +grinning skulls of Indians, or other delightful monstrosities. These +brilliant birds, orange with black wings, or scarlet wings with black +bodies, or drab with bright little heads, or with the whole body of +the loveliest blue, were beautiful as the most brilliant hued +bouquet. So perfectly were they prepared and mounted, that one waited +expectant for a sweet trill, or an upward flight. There was also a +very curious and pretty exhibition of bird's eggs, of every size and +color, some of them "cuddled" comfortably in little nests. I would +have agreed to leave to the Institution the numerous and precious +volumes of "De Bow's Review" which graced it, for the liberty of +appropriating those bright birds and those pretty eggs. + +One feature in the place was quite novel. Specimens framed under glass +of the hair of some of the Presidents of the United States. Either +these gentlemen were not liberally endowed with this commodity, or +inveterate lion-hunters had taught them a niggardly caution on the +distribution of this article, in view of baldness or a future wig; for +under the names of some of them were only four or six hairs. Most of +them were white or grey; suggestive of rather equivalent repose, for +the craniums from whence they sprang. Of course, one's organ of +reverence would not admit in this case the possibility of the trick +adopted by "pestered" celebrities--attacked in the hair--viz: wickedly +substituting something else for the original coveted article. Of +course not! As to the soldiers and military men passing through +Washington, they must be pleased to know how comfortably they can be +"embalmed," should a chance shot render it necessary. Large signs to +this effect, conspicuously placed, and running the whole length of a +block, stare them remindingly in the face, at every turn. As to +Jackson's equestrian statue, fronting the President's house, I opine +that nobody _but_ General Jackson could have sat on a horse's back in +that rearing condition, without slipping backward over the tail. +However, one forgives everything to an admirer of General Jackson; and +the sculptor evidently had strong faith in his omnipotence, as well as +in the wonderful upward, danger-defying curve of his unique horse's +tail! + + + + +_GLIMPSES OF CAMP LIFE IN WAR TIME._ + + +A visit to the head-quarters of an executive General is a means of +grace. I recommend it to all ladies who, year after year, closing +their disgusted ears to what limpingly passes below stairs, accept its +dawdling results as inevitable. For my own part, my back is up. So +imbued am I with the moral beauty of military discipline, that unless +I can inaugurate its counterpart from garret to cellar, I shall return +in disgust to army-life. + +The idea struck me forcibly one morning before breakfast as I stepped +out into the bright sunshine, to behold a captain drilling his company +for the day. As each musket was presented for inspection, turned +quickly from one side to the other, and tossed lightly back into its +owner's waiting hands, I rushed back to tent and exclaimed: "General, +can you give any reason why we ladies shouldn't do with our pots, pans +and gridirons, each day, what your captain is doing yonder with the +muskets of his men; and with a 'guard-house' to back us up in case of +default or impertinence." "Why--_don't_ you ladies inspect your pots, +pans and gridirons?" inquired General Butler. "When our cooks are +_out_, never for our lives else," I replied. "Poor slaves!" was his +feeling reply. + +"Poor slaves!" I echoed, as I returned to my lovely "drill" and grew +more righteously mad each minute. As I stood there, my dears, I for +one resolved never again to be the pusillanimous wretch to say, "If +you please, Martha," or "will you please, Bridget, bring me this or +that." No--instead, I boldly propose: "Orderly! bring me that baby!" +and when Bridget comes in, with a well-feigned sorrow for the decease +of that stereotyped "friend" who is always waiting to be "waked," and +begs leave of absence, let us answer, _à la militaire_, "Yes--you can +go for awhile; but your 'friend' is not dead, neither are you going to +a wake. I want you to understand that I am not deceived." And when, +after repeated instructions, the roast-beef is still overdone, with +executive forefinger let us touch the bell, and in the _lowest_ but +firmest of tones remark, "Orderly! put the cook in the guard-house." + +But stay--women can never manage women that way. They are too cat-ty. +Let us have _men_-cooks, my dears, and science as well as civility +with our sauce. Yea--_men_-cooks, who will not "answer back;" +_men_-cooks who will not need to be an hour at the glass "prinking" +before they can look a tomato in the face; men-cooks, who, having once +done a thing "your way," can ever after reproduce it, and not, with +feminine caprice, or heedlessness, each time lessen the sugar and +double the salt, and vice-versa; _men_-cooks, whose "beaux" are not +always occupying the extra kitchen chair; _men_-cooks, who understand +the economy of space, and do not need a whole closet for every +tumbler, or a bureau-drawer for each towel. + +Oh! I have not been "to camp" for nothing. There are no carpets +_there_ to spot with grease. There are no pictures whose golden frames +are wiped with a wet dish-cloth. There are no velvet chairs, or +ottomans, upon which they can lay red-hot pokers or entry-mats. There +is no pet china they can electrify the parlor with smashing, to the +tune of hundreds of dollars. But instead, there are little tents +dotted about, furnished with brave men; and for pictures, long lines +of army wagons trailing their slow length along; and yonder, against +the burnished sunset sky, gallop the cavalry, with glittering arms; +and there are "squads" of secesh coming into the lines, with most +astounding hats and trowsers and no shoes, who hold up the _wrong +hand_ when they take the oath of allegiance, and make their "mark" in +the registry book instead of writing their names, and some of whose +"profession," when questioned, is--"to shoemake;" and there are +grotesque-looking contrabands; and rat-ty looking, useful mules; and +in the evening there are fire-fly lamps gleaming from the little +tents; and of a cool evening lovely, blazing camp-fires, round which +you can sit and talk with intelligent men till the small hours, about +other things than "bonnets;" and there's reveille, and--good heavens! +_why_ did I come back to New York, with its "peace-men" and its tame +monkeys. + + * * * * * + +While waiting at City Point for the "flag-of-truce boat," we sauntered +up from the wharf. There was an encampment not far from the river, and +the first thing that attracted my notice was a sutler's +establishment--in other words, a little shed with a counter, two men +behind it, and a little bit of everything displayed inside. "Now," +said I, "I will just bother that man asking him for something which I +am sure he has not for sale." "Do it," answered my companion; "I will +wager something he will have it." With triumph in my step, I +inquired--"Have you ladies' fans?" "Yes ma'am," was the reply; "here +is one, made in prison by a Union soldier." In my eagerness to secure +it, for it was a marvel of ingenuity, apart from the interest attached +to it, I forgot to collapse at my defeat--doubly defeated, too, alas! +"as it was not for sale." But there were books, and tobacco, and +combs, and suspenders, and pocket looking-glasses, and everything, +except "crying babies." A little farther on was a soda-fountain, then +a watch-maker, then an ice-cream shanty. Still I was not surprised; +for I lost my capability for a new sensation while staying in General +Butler's encampment. Strolling off, one lovely morning, in the woods, +for wild-flowers, I was overtaken by a shower of rain. Spying a little +shed at a distance under the trees, I made for it with all speed; and +found it full of bottles and a young man. The latter politely rose and +offered me the only stool in the establishment, and when I and my +hoop-skirt had entered, I regret to say that there was no room left, +save for the bottles above alluded to; and _their_ safety consisted in +my remaining quite stationary. "What is this place?" asked I, staring +about me. With a pitying smile the youth drew from a corner some fine +photographic views of "Dutch Gap," the site of General Butler's canal; +and then proposed my sitting for my picture. Had he produced a French +dress-maker from the trunk of one of the trees, I should not have been +more astonished. When the fickle Virginia sun again shone out, and I +had said the pretties, in the way of thanks, I resumed my walk; and +though on my way home I stopped to witness the fascinating operation +of felling trees, and to admire the vigorous strokes of the woodman's +axe, and listen to its far-off echoes through the woods, I still kept +on saying to myself--Well, I _never_! a photographic establishment in +these woods! + +While wandering round at the landing at City Point, waiting to take +passage for Annapolis, I saw at a distance some tents, exquisitely +trimmed with green boughs. "How very pretty!" I exclaimed; "I must go +up there and have a peep." "But it won't do to go nearer," suggested +my companion. "I must," said I; "I never saw anything half so pretty. +I must see them nearer." Gradually approaching, I saw that the floor +of the tent was ingeniously carpeted with small pine boughs. In the +middle of it was a round table covered with green in the same manner; +while in either corner stood a small rustic sofa, cushioned with +green leaves. No upholsterer could have improved the effect "How +_very_ pretty!" I again exclaimed, growing bolder as I saw it +temporarily unoccupied. As I said this, two officers made their +appearance from a tent near, and said--"Walk in, madam, and look at +it; it is not often that we see ladies at our encampment." So we +accepted the invitation, and then and there I penitently and publicly +dropped a theory I had hugged for years--viz., that a man, left to +himself, and deprived of the society of woman, would gradually +deteriorate to that degree, that he would not even comb his hair, or +wash his face, much less desire ornamentation in his home +surroundings. And now here was a bower, fit for the prettiest maiden +in all the land, made without any hope that a woman's eye might ever +approve it; made, too, though its owner might be ordered to pack up +his one shirt and march to battle the very next day; made for the +sheer love of seeing something home-like, and beautiful. I bade its +gallant proprietors good-bye, and went my ways, a humbler and a wiser +woman. + +While absent on this excursion I had several times the pleasure of +observing the fine soldierly appearance of our colored troops. When I +saw them form into line to salute the General as he passed, it gave me +a thrill of delight; because I knew that it was not a mere show +performance, on their part, toward one who has been so warmly, and +bravely, their friend and protector. + + * * * * * + +The farther a New Englander goes South, the gladder he is to return. +Blessed is it to pass the line, where doors will shut; where windows +will open; where blinds will fasten; where chairs will maintain their +usual uprightness; where wash-bowls are cleansed; where one towel for +half a dozen persons is not considered an extravagance, and where the +glass-panes in the windows are not so elaborately mended with putty +that a street view is impossible. In short, blessed is the Yankee +"faculty," as opposed to all this hanging-by-the-eyelids +thriftlessness. In Virginia the grass is too lazy to grow. Now and +then a half-dozen spears poke above-ground, and having done that, seem +to consider their mission accomplished; then comes a bare spot of +sand, until you come to the next five enterprising spears. However, +the North before long will teach Virginia grass what is expected of +grass. The James River appeared very lovely with its soft shadows that +beautiful afternoon I stood upon its banks; and incongruous enough +seemed the murderous-looking black Monitor resting upon its placid +bosom; and the screeching shells flying overhead, with the soft hues +of the rainbow against the blue sky. I said to myself--"Now, Fanny, +you too would have loved this beautiful country, had you been born +here instead of at the North; but, having ever been to the North and +seen what Southern eyes must see there, whether they admit it or not, +could you again have been contented and happy with your Southern +birthright and its accompanying curse? That is the question. _I think +not._" Everywhere now, in that region one is struck with the absence +of all the peaceful signs of domestic life. True, there are beautiful +trees and vines, and the same sweet wild-flowers in the odorous woods +skirting the roadside, that are to be found in New England. There are +houses, but the fences have been torn away; and from the skeleton +window-pane no fair faces look out. No chickens run about in the +yards; no little children swing upon gates; no young maidens stand in +the deserted gardens; but, instead, there are soldiers and sentinels; +and the negro huts belonging to these houses are empty, and on the +walls of the family mansions are rude charcoal drawings of ships, and +well-remembered faces, and _Northern_ homesteads; and there are verses +of poetry, and names, and dates, and arithmetical calculations; and +upon floor and stairway and threshold the omnipresent evidences of +that male-comforter and solace--Tobacco! As you ride miles along, +under the soft blue sky and through rows of majestic old trees, +missing the sight of human faces, suddenly, upon one of the tree +trunks, you are startled with this inscription, "Embalming the dead +here," or "Coffins here," or you see in the distance the creeping +ambulance, or in a sudden turn of the road an "abatis," or some +fortification. One realizes in such scenes the meaning of the word +"war." Strange enough it seems, to come back from all that, to city +theatres and their mock woes. + +As to Annapolis--one feels, upon walking through it, as if +Herculaneum and Pompeii after all might be no fable. Going from its +one-horse hotel, to the model hotel of Philadelphia, was almost too +sudden a change even for my excellent constitution. The brass +door-knocker of antiquity, placed high up out of reach of human hands +save those of well qualified adults, exists in Annapolis in full +splendor. The windows, too, are all on the second and third stories; +and one must get up early in the morning if he would ascend their +front steps. I invaded their legislative halls, and got as far as two +huge piles of earthen spittoons, reaching high above my head, awaiting +the advent of their august legislative proprietors, at which point I +expressed myself perfectly satisfied with my exploration, nor waited +to be shown the room in which "General Washington publicly resigned +his commission." With my hand on my heart to the General, I must still +be permitted to say, that being born fatally wanting in the bump of +reverence, I could never lose my breath in any such place if I tried, +and that I am quite willing, after having been assured that certain +skeletons of the past are to be evoked in certain places, to let more +pious hands feel of their bones. + +The _present_ only, now seems to me real. In the streets of Annapolis +I could only feel that here General Butler landed the 8th +Massachusetts, and showed the New York Seventh the way to Washington. + + + + +_UNWRITTEN HISTORY OF THE WAR._ + + +What a four years we had of it! And now that our cheeks no longer grow +hot at the name of Bull Run, and peace and victory--terms which no +loyal heart ever wished to dissever--are ours; now that we have laid +down our muskets and stop to take breath, how strange it all seems! +Now that we can snap our fingers at those precious "neutral" friends; +now that we can smile complacently upon croakers this side of the +water, and enjoy the wry faces which suddenly converted patriots make, +swallowing their allegiance; now that we sleep peaceably nights, +without tossing up window-sashes and thrusting out night-capped heads, +regardless of the modest stars and a shivering bed-fellow, to hail +some lightning "Extra;" now that our pockets are no longer picked for +standing gaping on the streets spelling out bulletins; now that +six-foot cowards have done squabbling about the "draft" that is to +tear them from families for which they never half provided, and for +which they have suddenly conceived such an intense affection; now that +our noble soldiers look back upon their sufferings and privations as +some troubled dream, so happy are they in the love of proud wives and +glad children and friends; now that Libby--thank God!--holds only its +jailer, and kindred spirits, and on the prison ground of Andersonville +loyal philanthropy already talks of erecting an institution for the +benefit of our brave soldiers; now that Broadway has time to cool, +between regiments coming and regiments going; now that the rotten +thrones of the old country will have as much as they can do to prop up +their shaky foundations, without making mouths at the new cap-stone of +our glorious republic, phew! _now_ we can untie our bonnets and toss +them up in the air, without caring for their descent. For have not +dry-goods and groceries gone down? and can't we buy needles, threads +and pins without beads of perspiration standing on our faces at the +thought? are not pennies plenty? and won't we soon have the dear +little clean silver pieces back again, instead of greasy stamps? and +isn't there a prospect that when hanging is good for a man he will now +be sure to get it? and if I _am_ a woman, can't I fold my arms and +strut about a little, even though I didn't help fight? Come to think +of it, though, I _did_; I can show you a spoiled dress I got, touching +off a thirty-two pounder Parrot gun commissioned to throw shells into +Petersburg; and I never got a shoulder-strap for it either, like many +another fellow, and never grumbled about it, _un_-like many another, +but was satisfied with that spot on my dress, and none on my soldierly +honor, and when it was told me that "that lady had better leave the +field and go somewhere else," I went there. + +We've done so much grieving lately, that it is a relief to be silly; +so you'll excuse me; but deep down in my heart, I thank God that the +dear lost lives, from our President down, have not been in vain; that +the blood the monster slavery would have lapped up triumphantly has +only gone to strengthen the roots of the tree of Liberty. + +Ah! think if tyranny all over the world had flaunted more defiantly +for our _uncrowned_ struggle! If every despotic chain, the earth over, +were fresh riveted! Ah! then indeed we _might_ mourn. + +But now!--with tender compassion for the bereaved,--for in many a home +that bright flag will _always_ wear its mourning-border--to-day! +Joy--joy to it! I never see its dear folds waving in and out against +the clear blue sky, that my eyes do not fill; I want to fold it round +my shoulders, I want to wear it for a dress. I want to sleep under it +for a bed quilt--and I want to be wrapped in it when I die. + + * * * * * + +Bye and bye what a glorious history of our war may be written. Not +that the world will not teem with histories of it. But I speak not of +great generals and commanders, who, under the inspiration of +leadership, and with the magnetic eyes of the world upon them, shall +have achieved their several triumphs; but of those who have laid aside +the plough, and stepped from behind the anvil, and the printing press, +and the counter, and from out the shop, and with leaping pulses, and +without hope of reward, laid an honest heart and a strong right arm on +the altar of their country; some to languish in prison, with undressed +wounds, defying taunts and insults, hunger and thirst, their places of +sepulture even unknown, and their names remembered only at some +desolate hearthstone, by a weeping widow and orphans, and yet whose +last pulse-beat was "for their country." By many a cottage fireside +shall old men tell tales to wondering childhood, that shall bring +forth their own precious harvest; sometimes of those who, enclosed in +meshes too cunningly woven to sunder, wore hated badges over loyal +hearts, and with gnashing teeth and listening ear and straining +eyeballs, bided their time to strike! Men who planted, that the tyrant +might reap; whose wives and children went hungry and shelterless, that +he might be housed and fed. Nor shall woman be forgotten, who, with +quivering heart but smiling lip bade God-speed to him, than whom only +her country was dearer, and turned bravely back to her lonely home, to +fight the battle of life, with no other weapon than faith in Him who +feedeth the ravens. All these are the true heroes of this war; not +alone they who have memorials presented, and if they die, pompous +monuments erected, but the thousands of brave fellows who know, if +they fall, they will have mention only among the "list of the killed +and wounded." Who, untrammelled by precedents, shall write us _such_ a +history? + + * * * * * + +Let me tell you a story I heard the other day. + +He was home at last! It was for three years he he had enlisted. When +his term was nearly out, and just as his heart leaped at thought of +going home, he was taken prisoner. We all know what that word means in +connection with "Andersonville" and "Libby." No shelter from rain, or +sun, or night dew; stung by vermin; devoured by thirst and hunger. So +day after day dragged by, and fewer and fewer came thoughts of home; +for the light was fading out from the sufferer's eyes, and one only +thought, day and night, pursued him--food, food! At last came the +order for exchange, and John was taken with the rest, as he could bear +the removal--slowly--_home_! Oh, how joyful they all were as they +waited for his coming! How tenderly he should be cared for and nursed. +How soon his attenuated form should be clothed with flesh, and the old +sparkle of fire come back to his faded eyes. How they would love him +ten thousand times better than ever for all the dreadful suffering he +had undergone for his country's sake. And when he got better, how they +would have the neighbors come and listen to his stories about the war. +Oh, yes--they would soon make John well again. Nine--ten--eleven +o'clock--it was almost time for him to be there. Susy and Jenny were +quite wild with joy; and mother kept saying "Girls, now be quiet;" but +all the time she kept smoothing the cushions of the easy-chair by the +fire, and fidgetting about more than any of them. Then there was +_such_ a shout went up from Susy, who was looking down the road from +the end window. _He's_ coming! father's coming! and fast as her feet +could carry her through the door and down the road she flew; and Jenny +followed, and mother?--well, _she_ stood there, with beating heart and +brimming eyes of joy, on the threshold. But what makes the girls so +quiet as they reach the wagon where "father" is sitting? Why don't +father kiss and hug them, and he three long years away? He is _alive_, +thank God, else he couldn't be sitting there--why don't he kiss his +girls? He _don't_ kiss them: he don't speak to them; he don't even +know Susy and Jenny, as they stand there with white lips and young +faces frozen with terror. It _is_ father--but, look! he is only a +crazy skeleton. And when they came to him, he only stretched out his +long, bony fingers, and muttered, feebly--"Bread! bread! Oh, give me +some bread!" And when they brought him in, crowded round and kissed +him, and carried him to the warm fire, and, with streaming eyes of +pity, showed him the plentiful table, he only looked vacantly in their +faces and muttered, "Bread! bread! Oh, give me some bread!" And to +everybody who came into the door till the hour he died, which was very +soon, he said still, "Bread! bread!" and this was the last word they +ever heard from "father." + + * * * * * + +And yet they say we must forgive the leader of the rebellion who did +such things as these! Spirit of Seventy-six! Can I believe my ears? +What sort of mercy is this, that sets the viper of to-day free to +raise up a brood of hissing vipers for the future? What is this mercy +for one, and this injustice for the million? This mercy which hangs +little devils, and erects no gibbet for the arch-fiend himself? This +mercy which lets Jeff. Davis glide safely out of the country with his +money-bags, and claps the huge paw of the law upon some woman, for +giving so much aid and comfort to the enemy as she could carry in her +little apron-pocket? What! Forgive Jeff. Davis, with the fresh memory +of Forts Pillow and Wagner? What! because your son, or your husband, +are now smiling at you across your table, are you to ignore that poor +mother, who night after night paced up and down her chamber floor, +powerless to release her husband or boy, who, at Libby or +Andersonville, was surely, horribly dying with the slow pangs of +starvation! The poor mother, did I say? The thousands of mothers, +whose wrung hearts cry out that the land be not poisoned with the +breath of their children's assassinator. To whom the sight of the gay +flags of victory, and the sound of the sweet chiming bells of peace +are torture, while this great wrong goes unredressed. Who can see only +by day and night that dreadful dead-cart, with its unshrouded +skeleton-freight, and uppermost the dear face, rumbling from that +loathsome prison, to be shovelled, like carrion, underground. + +Tell me? Is it in nature or grace, either, for these parents to vote +that Jeff. Davis and his like be neither expatriated nor deprived of +the rights of citizenship? In the name of that "mercy" which would be +so burlesqued, let them not suffer this crowning injury. Let them not +be pained with this mock magnanimity which so "forgivingly" crosses +palms with this wrencher of other people's heartstrings. Let it not be +said thoughtlessly, "Oh, we are too happy to think of vengeance." Say +rather, "Let us not, in our joy, forget to be just." + +And let me, individually, have due notice, if it be in contemplation +to present these traitors, either with a costly service of silver +plate or an honorable seat in the United States Senate. + + * * * * * + +Overhead floats the dear old flag, thank God! but countless are the +homes where the music of "the holidays" has forever died out; where +sorrow will clasp its hands over an aching heart, or sit down by a +solitary hearth, with a pictured face it can scarce see for the tears +that are falling on it. There seems nothing left now. The country is +safe, the war has ended; that rifled heart is glad of that; but oh! +what shall make its terrible desolation on these festival days even +endurable? _That's_ the thought that can't be choked down even by +patriotism. It comes up all over the house, at every step. It meets +you in parlor, and chamber, and entry. It points where the coat and +hat used to hang; it whispers from the leaves of some chance book you +listlessly open, where are _his_ pencil-marks. Even the dish on the +table you loved to prepare for him is turned to poison. The sun seems +merciless in its brightness; the music and dancing in unrifled homes +is almost heartless. What can you _do_ with this spectre grief, that +has taken a chair by your fireside, and, change position as you may, +insists on keeping you torturing company? You may walk, but it is +there when you return. You may read, but you feel its stony eyes on +you the while; you may talk, but you keep listening for the answer you +will never hear. Oh, what shall you do with it? Face it! Move your +chair up as closely to it as you can. Say--I see you; I know you are +here, and I know too that you will never, _never_ leave me. I am so +weary trying to elude you. Let us sit down then together, and +recognize each other as inseparable. Between me and happiness _is_ +that gulf--I know it. I will no longer try to bridge it over with +cobwebs. It is there. As you say this, a little voice pipes +out--mother, when is Christmas? Ah!--you thought you could do it; but +_that_ question from that little mouth, of all others! Oh, how can +_you_ be thankful? + +Poor heart, look in that little sunny face, and be thankful for that. +Hasn't it a right to its share of life's sunshine, and are you not +God-appointed to make it? There's work for you to do--up-hill, weary +work, for quivering lips to frame a smile--I grant, but there's no +dodging it. That child will have to take up its own burthen by and +by, as you are now bearing yours; but for the present don't drop your +pall over its golden sunshine. Speak cheerily to it; smile lovingly on +it; help it to catch the floating motes that seem to it so bright and +shining. Let it have its youth with all its bright dreams, one after +the other, as you did. They may not all fade away; and if they should, +there's the blessed memory of which even you would not be rid, with +all the pain that comes with it. Now would you? + +So, little one--Christmas is coming! and coming for you. There's to be +turkey and pie, and you shall stuff your apron full. There's to be +blind-man's buff, and hunt the slipper, and puss in the corner, and +there shall be flowers strewn for _your_ feet, you little dear, though +we all wince at the thorns. + +But for our soldiers' homes where death has literally taken all; where +the barrel of meal and cruse of oil too has failed; let a glad country +on festival days, of all others, bear its widows and orphans in +grateful remembrance. + + * * * * * + +Speaking of "Unwritten History," reminds me of some curious written +chapters of it that I saw the other day. + +I begin now to think that an "All-Wise Providence" spent more time +finishing off human beings than was at all necessary. I arrived at +this sapient conclusion, the other evening, while looking at some +hundreds of specimens of the handwriting of our disabled soldiers. +Before this I had always supposed that hands and arms were necessary +preliminaries to chirography, and _right_ hands and above all arms. +And there I was, brought up all standing, with the legible, fair +proofs to the contrary before my very face. Positively there was one +specimen written with the soldier's _mouth_, both hands being useless. +It was enough to make an able-bodied man or woman blush to think of +cowering for one moment before the darkest cloud of fate. As a moral +lesson I would have had every boy and girl in the land, taken there to +see the power of the mind over the body. The potency of that one +little phrase, "I will try." The impotency of that cowardly plea, "I +can't." I wished, as I examined these interesting and characteristic +papers, with the signatures and photographs of the writers annexed, +that all our schools in order, should be taken there, to learn a +lesson that all their books might never teach so impressively. I +wished that every man in the nation, whose patriotism needed +quickening, (alas that there should be any!) might see that these men +who have fought for the peace we are now enjoying, who have languished +long months in wretched prisons for us, and through all have but just +escaped, maimed and disabled, to reach their homes, are yet +self-helpful and courageous, fearing nothing, hoping all things, since +they have helped save the nation. _Is_ it safe? That is a question I +shall not meddle with here. Meantime I, for one, feel proud as an +American loyal woman that this collection of manuscripts has been +made. I believe it to be purely an _American_ idea. I am not aware +that in any other country such a novelty exists. I think it as highly +creditable to the head and heart of the originator, as to the skill +and patience of our soldiers. I felt as though it should have, like a +great national picture, its appropriate framing and setting in the +most conspicuous spot in the Capitol. How often I think of these +"privates," as they are called, when grand "receptions" and "balls" +are in progress for some great "General" in our midst. All honor to +him; but meantime what of these brave maimed "privates?" + +_Therefore_ I was rejoiced when John Smith and Thomas Jones had +succeeded in "making their mark" on paper as well as in battle. I was +glad that they had placed it on record that an American soldier is +still wide awake and hopeful, though he may be so hacked and hewed to +pieces that not half his original proportions remain. I wanted to sing +"Hail Columbia," and "The Star Spangled Banner," and "John Brown," and +"Yankee Doodle," and more than all, I wanted those people who are +sticking pins through curious sprawling bugs, and paying fabulous sums +for shells, and taking their Bible oaths over some questionable +pictures "by the old masters," would just turn their attention to +something not only veritable and unique, but honorable and worthy as a +legacy to every American child that shall be born to the end of time, +or--the end of our Republic, which is one and the same thing. + + + + +_MY SUMMERS IN NEW ENGLAND._ + + +You should have lived there to understand the delight with which I +linger about an old farm-house, to see if the old familiar objects +were all there. The clump of tall, nodding hollyhocks, many-hued, and +gorgeous in the sunlight; the lovely, evanescent morning-glories, +always reminding me of the clear eyes and silken locks of childhood; +the big tree, the pride of the homestead, under which it nestles, elm, +locust, maple or willow, it matters not; the hen, with her busy brood; +the old dog, of any breed Providence wills, lying with his nose +between his paws, lazily winking at the sun; the row of shining +milk-pans turned up against the wooden fence; the creaking well-sweep; +the old tub under the eaves; the neatly arranged wood-pile; the +honest, homely sun-flowers at the back door, and the scarlet +bean-blossoms; oh, how I love them all! + +Let us go in; any excuse--a glass of water--will serve. They are not +ashamed to be caught working. + +Bless you, no! One person is as good as another in New England, and +better, too. Observe how stainless are the steps, threshold and entry; +see the little mats, laid wherever a heedless foot might possibly mar +their purity. How white are the curtains and table-covers, and the +napkins pinned upon the backs of the chairs; see how nicely that patch +has been placed over the stain upon the wall-paper; look at that book +shelf hung in the corner. Surely some hand not devoid of daintiness, +arranged those pretty touches of color, in the scarlet cord and +tassels that support it, and the pretty little blue vase upon its top +shelf. Then there are picture-frames made of pine cones, quite as +pretty as any Broadway dealer could show; and the chairs, with their +flowered-chintz coverings, and now you look to see some sweet maiden +trip in, with pure eyes, and soft, smooth hair, and her name shall be +Mary. Nor are you disappointed; and as you look at her, as the +softened light comes in through the vine-leaves at the window, you see +how it is that flowers of beauty are wreathed round the rugged trunk +of New England asceticism. You see how no home, without a foundation +of thrift, can be anything like a home to this New England girl. You +can see how, in her married far-off abode, when reverses come, she is +not the woman to fold her hands and sit down and cry about it. You see +how she can make bread one minute, and ten to one, write a poem the +next; how she can trim a bonnet or row a boat; how she can cut and +make her own and her children's dresses, and keep her kitchen in a +state of polish, to make the haunter of Intelligence Offices stare +with wonder. + +I adore it all! I know that wheresoever fortune, in its vagaries, +tosses a New Englander, male or female, that individual will always +come up like a cat, on its feet. Meantime, they can bear your gibes +at their time-honored dishes of "pork and beans," and "apple-dowdy," +and "fish-balls" and "brown-bread." You can no more see "anything in +them" with all your tasting, than you could imitate the moral courage +of their makers in finding out what a thing will cost before they +order it home; and you will always manifest the same astonishment that +you do now, that these same economical, careful New Englanders are +always ready with open hearts and purses, whenever a fire lays waste a +city, when stormy winds send shipwrecked families upon their coasts, +or when any great philanthropic object challenges their pity or +assistance. + +You can't understand it--how should you? You who think it "mean" and +"unlady-like" to inquire the price of a thing before you buy it, or to +decline buying it, not because you do not like it, but for the honest +and sensible reason that it is beyond your means. You can never solve +the problem how a just economy, and a generous liberality, can go hand +in hand, or how one legitimately follows the other and makes it +possible. + +Then perhaps you smile when you see what a prominent place has Watts' +Psalms and Hymns, and the Bible upon the table yonder. Oh, if you +could hear the Sunday night singing in that little "_keeping-room_!" + + "Sweet fields beyond the swelling flood, + Stand dressed in living green." + +_You_ remember that hymn? You who had its lullaby sung to you, +countless starry nights by your own mother; _you_, who repeated it to +her in broken accents when she was dying--"Watts' Psalms and Hymns" is +to you as sacred as her memory. And the Bible? _You_ don't think, more +than myself, that mankind have furnished us anything better, as yet, +in the way either of morality or literature. You know that it is not a +mere lesson-book to that soft-eyed girl with the brown hair. + +I pity a genuine New Englander, who migrates from a land in which +every inhabitant is born with a faculty of doing everything in the +best manner, and in the very "nick of time," and settles down among a +Penelope race, who weave their webs in the morning, only to find them +irretrievably unravelled every night. _Thriftless!_ You may think +there are worse qualities than this in a person's moral make-up. _I_ +believe it to be the foundation of sand upon which any permanently +useful superstructure is impossible. Thriftless! The gods remove _me_ +far from this aimless specimen of adult infancy, who crawls a mile on +all fours to pick up a straw; who, forgetting where he placed it the +moment after he gets it, makes a series of circuitous journeys in +search of it; who is constantly placing things on their tops that are +not self-supporting unless set upon their bottoms; and who, though +warned by repeated thumps and bumps, that there are better ways than +those he chooses to crawl in, still persists in scratching and +scarring himself, and driving you wild with wondering what mischief he +_can_ do next that he has not already done. _I_ say that a lunatic +asylum can be the only end of a New Englander who is forced into a +daily yoke-ship with your "thriftless" person. + +New England! bless it! _Isn't_ it thorough? Does their sewing ravel +out? Do their shoes rip at the first wearing? Don't their children's +"bought" clothes hang together, at least till you get them home? Isn't +a New England-buttonhole exhilarating to the moral eyesight? Don't +their blinds keep fastened? Don't their doors shut without bringing +them "to" with a bang like the explosion of a Parrot gun? Haven't the +women sense "into" them? Don't the men know what they know? Haven't +their children a backbone, moral and physical? and haven't they a +right to boast of the "hub?" And as to their kitchens, my very soul +yearns for those shining tin pans and pewter pots, and immaculate +dishcloths. I am homesick for an old-fashioned "dresser," with the +kitchen spoons laid in a row after every meal. I long for a peep into +the kitchen closet, where the tea isn't in the coffee-thing, and the +starch mixed with the pepper; where the rolling-pin hangs up, white +and suggestive of flaky pie-crust; where the clothes-pins are shrouded +in a clean bag till next Monday's wash; where the lids of the coffee +and tea-pot are left open, for those vessels to air, and no +yesterday's "grounds" are permitted to repose over night; where--but +what's the use? Gotham is Gotham--Erin always _will_ be Erin--and New +England, God be praised! will always be New England; for were there +not _that_ leaven to infuse thrift through the veins of the +country----Well, you perceive that I am a New-Englander. + + * * * * * + +While in Brattleboro I obtained permission to write in the quiet empty +school-house, during the summer vacation. I thought while seated there +of the probable fate and fortunes of their absent occupants. How many +Senators, how many Presidents, how many Artists, how many Sculptors, +how many Authors, how many men, and women, of note, might make their +starting-point from that very school-house. + +I should like to keep the statistics from this time had I leisure. You +must know that it is an article in my creed that a _New England +cradle_ is the safest and fittest to rock a baby in. In other words, +that a New England foundation is sounder and better than any other; +the superstructure may be laid elsewhere--I had almost said +anywhere--this being secured. + +With these views, from which I am quite willing you should dissent, +should it so please you, I look around on these vacant seats of our +future men and women, with intense interest. "The war is over," I hear +people say; _I_ say it has just begun. The smoke of battle having +cleared a little, he that hath eyes to see, shall note the dead who +are to be carried out of sight, the maimed who are to be tenderly +cared for, and the vultures who are to be driven, at all costs, from +feeding on that which is as dear to us as our heart's blood. This work +these children will have to do. Pinafores and blouses they will not +wear forever. Balls, kites and dolls are but for now. _Earnest_ men +and women they must be, being New England born. Earnest for the +_Right_, I plead, as I glance at the Teacher's Desk. I do not know +him, who wields a power for which I would not exchange a monarch's +throne--who must face in this world, and account for in the next, +these boys and girls, who look to him for guidance and help; but +whoever he may be, I trust that he holds his office, for sublimity and +honor, second to none. I trust he looks beyond _to-day_, when he gazes +into those clear, bright eyes, where his teachings are mirrored like +the branches and blossoms in the clear, still lake beneath. I trust he +sees in those boys something beyond a trousers-tearing, +bird's-nest-robbing crew, _out_ of whose craniums must be thumped fun, +and _into_ whose craniums must be bored grammar. I trust he sees in +those girls something besides machines for sewing on buttons, and +frying "flap-jacks," and making cheese. I trust he does not expect to +run all these children, like a pound of candles, into the same shaped +and sized mould. I trust he knows a properly developed head when he +sees it, and believes in individuality of character, whether male or +female. I am glad to hear that he does not see only dollars and cents +in the glorious vocation he has adopted. + +Schoolmaster! Why, Emperor, King, President, are nothing to it. There +is only one thing before it, and that is--"Mother." Let the world look +to it who are its schoolmasters. Let schoolmasters look to it that +they are God-appointed to their places. If a conscientious clergyman +need ask God's blessing on his Sunday message before delivering it to +his flock, so much the more need the schoolmaster take the shoes from +off his feet; because the place where he treads is holy ground. + +Meantime, I sat there in the empty school-house, and watched the birds +flit in and out through the open window, while the breath of the +clover and the smell of the new-mown hay came pleasantly enough to my +city-disgusted nose. So now, dear children all, whoever you may be, I +leave you my hearty and sincere benediction for the pleasant hour in +your school-house, when _you_ had "a vacation" and I had none. + + * * * * * + +Now let me tell you a little story about a Green Mountain Sculptor. +The town of Brattleboro', wrapped in its mantle of snow, looked very +lovely one crisp, cold winter night. There were no operas, no +theatres, no racketing or frolicking of any sort going on. The snow +and the stars had it all their own way. I said it was "quiet," and +yet, from the windows of one pretty little white house, lights were +gleaming; and now a young man, warmly muffled to the ears, crosses the +threshold, and is joined by two or three young companions, who +commence gathering the snow in heaps in front of the house, while he +shapes it with his benumbed fingers into the form of a pedestal; +occasionally stepping back and looking at it, or slapping his hands +together to produce circulation. Now upon the pedestal he commences +modeling a figure; while his companions continue patiently to supply +him with fresh heaps of the pure white snow, one holding a lantern +while he proceeds with his work. Noiselessly and industriously they +toil, no policeman disturbing them with curious inquiries or a +threatened "station house." Occasionally they glide into the house, +where warm flannels, and warm beverages, and a good fire, and +"mother's" encouraging smile, await them, to inspire the party with +new energy. It is near daylight, and still our snow-sculptor toils on, +hour after hour, till, fair and lovely, stands before him, on this +night of the New Year, the form of a Recording Angel, writing upon a +scroll. Now, the party, taking one long look, quietly retire, leaving +the figure conspicuously standing at the meeting of two roads. The +stars gradually fade out, and Brattleboro' begins to be astir. First +comes the earliest riser of all, poor "crazy Jim," who never seems to +weary of wandering to and fro on the earth, and up and down on it. Dim +in his confused brain lie tangled memories of childhood's "angels." He +stands and gazes, awe-struck and wondering, while his busy, chattering +tongue is for the time quite still. Now a farmer from the mountains +glides over the snow with his fleet horse and sleigh, with tinkling +bells, and reins up, and shares crazy Jim's amazement. As the morning +wears on, the news flies that there is "an angel" among them. +Schoolgirls and boys forget that it is "past nine," and stand +spell-bound by the side of their parents, whose wonder at the +marvellous beauty of the figure is only equalled by their curiosity as +to the fingers that so cunningly shaped it. Had Brattleboro', with its +other natural marvels, furnished also a genius? Was Vermont, rich in +so many other treasures, to "keep" a sculptor? Artists were not wont +to swarm in Brattleboro' in mid-winter, how long soever might be the +list of "arrivals" during the balmy days of summer. There was no name +of distinction now on the hotel books. Who _could_ it be? And what a +pity such a beautiful thing should perish, and fade away with the +first warm rays of the sun. Among the crowd who gathered to wonder and +admire came an editor. This editor was intelligent, and what is more, +sympathetic and appreciative. He wrote a glowing account of the +"snow-angel." The paper containing it met the eye of rich old Nicholas +Longworth, of Cincinnati. He immediately sent an order to the young +sculptor, who was then modestly enjoying his first triumph from the +windows of his father's little white house, to perpetuate it for him +in marble, not forgetting to send with the order a generous check in +advance. _This_ was substantial praise. _This_ looked like beginning +the world right. For once, Fortune, too often churlish to genius, +seemed about to take it at once into her ample lap. + +But our sculptor did not presume on this. He finished his beautiful +statue to the satisfaction of his patron, and with the proceeds went +to Italy, where he could more easily command the requisites of the +profession for which Nature had ordained him. One lovely creation +after another has succeeded the snow-angel, and are now cherished +household treasures in his native land and State. I am not a +Vermonter, unless strong love for its grand mountains and intelligent +people can make me one; still, though suffering under the disgrace of +not having been born in that glorious old State, I feel just as proud +of that young Green Mountain sculptor and his beautiful works, as if +its lovely valleys had cradled me. + +So, lest other States begin to wrangle by and by as to the honor of +producing him, I wish to place it on record that Larkin G. Mead was +born and reared in _Vermont_, and nowhere else. + + * * * * * + +While in Vermont, it seemed to me that every State in the Union should +consider it a _religious duty_ to gather, in some shape, form or +place, every relic of the war with which the people of that State were +in any way connected. The golden moment of action in this regard will +pass, _is_ passing, with each fleeting day. Life presses heavily on +most of us. The shuttlecock of the present is so busy and swift, that +its whirr may well distract us from aught else. But think! to our +children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren what these relics +would be. This coat, torn, blood-stained, bullet-riddled in so many +battles. This shoe, patched with improvised needle and thread in the +horrible prison pens of Andersonville and Libby. This--but time would +fall me to tell of the relics and memorials which every farm-house in +the country might yield, and which might so easily _now_ become a +nation's property and pride. I was particularly awake to this subject +because I lately saw, up here in Brattleboro', a private by the name +of Colt, with his right arm _now_ quite useless, who has in his +possession a fiddle manufactured by himself, while in camp, from a +maple stump, with no other tools than a jackknife, and a piece of +broken bottle, a gimlet and an old file, which he made into a chisel. + +It was in Virginia, on the Potomac, below Washington, that his +regiment was located. "Boys," said one of them, as they lounged in +their tents at nightfall, when it will not do to think too long or too +much of the dear faces they might never more see--"boys, if we had a +fiddle here we might have some music." "I could play on it," says one, +(what _can't_ a Yankee do?) "So can I," said another. "Well," said our +hero, "the only way for us to have a fiddle is to _make_ one." No +sooner said than begun, at least. A maple stump was found, and comrade +after comrade, when off duty, watched its transformation to a fiddle +with the intensest interest. Some laughed, some cheered; praise, blame +or indifference were all alike to our indomitable private, who was +bound to get music out of that maple stump. + +Still the fiddle grew. Still the chips flew. A good piece of wood was +desirable for what I shall designate as the _lid_;--the bottom and +sides being finished. Our private looked about. There was an old box +in camp, sent from prolific Vermont, with "goodies" for her valiant +boys. He seized upon the best part of it, and shaped it to its +purpose, polishing it smooth with the broken bit of glass. The pegs he +made from the horns of secesh cattle slaughtered by the rebels, when +they didn't dream our boys would rout them to take possession. The +strings for the fiddle-bow he made of hairs from the tail of the +General's horse. Just at this juncture in fiddle-progress, came a +pause. Where are the fiddle _strings_ to come from? Away there in +camp; even a Yankee might well stop, and scratch his head. Up comes an +officer, and gazes with dumb wonder on that improvised fiddle. When he +found his tongue, he offered our private to send to Washington by the +sutler for the desired strings. These were obtained, and straightway +fastened in their places. And now behold a pretty, delicate little +affair, in color resembling the satin wood-fans sent us from Fayal. +But did it have music in it? Most assuredly. There is the beauty of +it. The tone of our Yankee fiddle is irreproachable. + +Now I ask, is that fiddle to become the property and pride of Vermont, +and be handed down, as it should, to its future sons and daughters, +with the name of its enterprising maker? As I sat in that low-roofed +wooden house, listening to his simple story, and looking first at the +fiddle, and then at his twisted and useless arm, and then at a little +fat roly-poly of a dimpled baby on the carpet, I thought--well, I +said, Fanny, thank God that you were born a Yankee; and now go home +and tell the world the history of that fiddle. And I have done it. +Now, millions of relics, most interesting, like this, lie scattered +all over the land. _Let each State garner its own._ It is due to the +brave fellows who, modest as brave, will never do it themselves. It is +due to these "_Privates_" to whom no splendid residences in our cities +are presented, ready furnished and victualled. Let _them_ have the +reward of remembrance and appreciation, _at least from a grateful +posterity_. + + * * * * * + +After leafy, lovely Vermont, to come back to the dusty city! To lose +October! the golden month of all the year in the country, that one may +come to town, to see that a dusty house is put in shining order: +that's what I call a trial. Of course, I anticipate your provoking +rejoinder--"What if you had no house to put to rights?" And now, if +you have done interrupting me, I will proceed to say, that to decide +between poultry, beef, mutton or veal for dinner; to make the +disgusting tour of closets and cupboards that have enjoyed a long +summer vacation in company with mice; instead of strolling "down to +the river" and watching the little boats glide on its polished +surface, or gaze at the mist lazily rolling off the mountain; while +sweet odors of flowers, and the fresh smell of grass, make breathing +itself a luxury, for which you can find no words of thanks--this +change, I say boldly, is not to _my_ taste. Not to mention, of a hot +morning, when you innocently thought hot mornings were quite gone till +next season, sitting in Intelligence Offices trying to decipher the +countenances of various applicants for the care of your kitchen-range, +or dining-room, or bed-chamber, when your tantalizing thoughts were +far away on delicious roads, shaded so thickly with trees that in the +hottest noon scarce a sun-ray penetrated, while the cool water dripped +from mossy rocks, or rushed foaming over them, with a glad free joy +that set you wild with longing. To fight rabid _city_ mosquitoes all +night, after a blessed freedom from the wretches all summer; to listen +to the shrieks of infuriated cats, in the intervals, instead of the +whisper of the soft leaves almost within your bed-room window; to hear +the ceaseless click, click, of the tireless street cars, instead of +the solitary musical "peep, peep" of some little bird; to be woke in +the morning, when exhausted nature craves so madly that one little +restoring-nap before breakfast, by the whooping of infuriated +milk-men, and the thumping and ringing of bakers; in short, after +kicking your heels like a colt in a pasture all summer, to be suddenly +noosed, caught and harnessed to a relentless dray-cart which keeps on +going up hill, regardless of your disgusted puffing and panting and +attempts at halting; well--I trust now you understand what my emotions +are on returning to this Pandemonium of a city, after a breezy, +care-free, delicious summer sojourn in the mountains. + +What do I care for the "new style of bonnets," when I have found it so +much pleasanter to stroll out without any covering for the head? What +to me are "top-boots" with red and blue tassels and lacings, when any +old shoe served my turn if a lovely country tramp was in prospect? +What to me are new dresses? involving weary hunts for buttons, and +"bones," and hooks, and eyes, and cord, and tassels, and lace, and +bugles, and gimp, and facings, and linings, and last, but not least, a +"lasso" to catch a dress-maker? + +That's what I said to myself as I sat down on my dusty travelling +trunk, with my hair full of cinders, and both fingers stuffed in my +ears to keep out the questions that were pouring into them about what +was to be done with this and that and t'other thing; and if I wanted +the windows cleaned first or last; this paint or that paint scrubbed. +Good heavens! said I, what is woman that she should be thus tormented? + +That was the first onslaught, you see, and I am not naturally a +patient animal. But now that the wheels are greased and the household +machinery "whistles itself," it is a comfort to sit down again in my +own favorite little chair, which must really have been made for my +particular shoulders and back. It is a comfort to have a nail and a +closet and a shelf for everything, and see my worldly effects neatly +placed away from dust, each in its own niche, where I can find them on +the darkest night without the aid of a light. It is a comfort to have +many rooms, instead of two. It _is_ pleasant, after all, to feel that +you yourself have brought all this order out of chaos, although +man--ungrateful creature--gobbles up the results without any such +reflection. + +After all, I'm going to be proud of myself, since nobody else will +praise me; I'm proud of myself, I say, as I take a cake of glycerine +soap to remove the working traces from my hands and put my fingers in +writing order. And then, after all, this had to be done; and one's +life can't be all play, and I must be woman enough to take my share of +the disagreeables, instead of shirking them like a great coward; for +all that, I like a tree better than a broomstick; a fine sunset better +than a gridiron; also I prefer a flower-garden to a sewing-machine, if +the truth _must_ out. + + * * * * * + +But back again in town, how shall we adapt ourselves to its unnatural +ways? Every thing in the country, animate and inanimate, seems to +whisper, be serene, be kind, be happy. We grow tolerant there +unconsciously. We feel that in the city we are not only hard, but that +we by no means get the most out of life. We wonder if, after all, the +opera is better than the gushing melody which is ours for the +listening, whenever we will. We wonder if the silken sheen of the +Queen of Sheba fabrics, which our splendid store-windows display, +quite comes up to the autumnal splendor of the woods and mountains. +Our bones ache with the necessity of _spick-and-span-ness_ +trammelling every movement indoors and out. And if, as Goethe asserts, +"the unconscious are alone complete," what chance do city people stand +of ever being rounded out, mentally and morally, where everybody is on +the _qui vive_ lest his neighbor outshine him? Where the _must haves_ +multiply faster than rabbits, and grow so clamorous that we forget +there is a possibility of silencing their tyrant voices? It is so +long, too, since we have seen a drunkard, or a beggar, or a wretched +woman who dare not think of her sinless infancy, that these things +come to us with such an appalling newness, that we are shocked and +pained that we could ever have become accustomed to their presence, or +shall ever grow so again, by daily contact. + +We almost dread ourselves. Our life seems puerile, and ignoble, and +cruel. It seems dreadful to take all this wretchedness, and waste of +life, as a matter of course, and that with which we have nothing to +do. We can't get used to the worn faces, the hurried footsteps, the +jostling indifference, the dust, and grime, and shabbiness through +which we plunge at every turn. Visions of moss-dripping rocks, huge +and grand; sweet, grassy roads, full of birds, and darting squirrels; +plentiful orchards and barns; stout, round, rosy children, tumbling +therein. Cows, with their rich burdens, going slowly homeward. The +farmer, brown and happy, sitting with his happy wife, in the low +doorway, at eventide, with _peace_ written upon their faces. Oh, we +had much rather think of these, and close our eyes on all this +maelstrom-misery, and tinselled grandeur. We feel stifled. We throw up +the window, and wonder what can ail us? for unrest, unquiet, and +strife seem to be in the very atmosphere that we breathe. + +We want to get out of it, since the times are out of joint, and we +can't help _everything_, at least. We feel a cowardly desire to fly, +and simply enjoy ourselves; somewhere, anywhere, but in this Babel of +odds and ends; where everything is always beginning, and never is +finished; where mouths keep opening, faster than loaves of bread can +be baked; where churches are built so grand, that poor people can't +say a prayer in them; where rulers are elected by whiskey, instead of +wisdom; where, on the other side of the thin wall which frames your +home, the awful tragedies of life and death go on, without a thought +or care from you; where bitter tears fall, which you might, but +_don't_ assuage, because your neighbor, having enough of this world's +goods, is supposed to need nothing else. + +Oh, I dare say I shall ossify in time; but at present these thoughts +keep me quite miserable after the serene, heavenly peace, and plenty, +and content of the country. + + + + +_BOSTON AND NEW YORK.--THE DIFFERENCE._ + + +To live in Boston is to feel necessitated to wear your "Sunday +clothes" all through the week. To live in New York is to wear a loose +wrapper every day in the seven if you choose, without danger of being +sent to Coventry for so doing; not because Gotham admires your +wrapper, but because it has not time or inclination to overhaul so +minute a circumstance. In New York, you may wash your one pair of +stockings every night; or you may have seven changes of the same for +all New York will care about it. In Boston the pedigree of your +stockings, shawls, and bonnets is, by no contrivance of ingenuity, +hidden. In New York, good Christians can take a walk on Sunday, if it +_does not_ lead straight to the church door. In Boston, one perils his +salvation, and business standing, by taking a breath of air that has +not first blown round a pulpit. In Boston, a rich man or woman must, +in public places, keep within the talismanic circle marked out for +them, nor cross the line of demarkation at peril of non-recognition. +In New York a rich man or woman, by virtue of such position, feels at +liberty to take any loafer-ish jump over the customary fence that +inclination shall dictate. In Boston, the literary knee is not +literary, if it has not knelt before certain shrines. In New York, if +it is a _genuine_ knee, it may kneel or not kneel, so far as perilling +its safe foundation is concerned. In Boston, one who carries a parcel +is supposed not to be able to hire it sent. In New York one may carry +a double armful, without being suspected of living at the Five Points. +In Boston, people settle your claims to notice by inquiring if you +know Mr. This or visit Mrs. That. New York is more interested to know, +whether you are eligible by virtue of good manners, and general +jolliness, without reference to your tailor, hatter, or dressmaker. In +New York, if you choose only to board two servants instead of five, +and decline wasting your life in superintending their neglect of +upholstery, silver, and china, your intelligence, and irreproachable +grammar, are considered an equivalent. In Boston, under such +circumstances, the golden gate turns not on its hinges to let you into +the crystal city. + +In other words, well as I love old Boston--and I do love it--I must +own that it is a snob of the first water. It makes a vast difference +what my opinion is, of course; but for all that, when Boston stays all +its life in Boston, it becomes fossilized, mummy-ized, swathed round +and round, from neck to heel, so that growth and expansion are morally +impossible. + +Still, let Boston always be _born_ in Boston; but after it grows +vigorous, if it would stay vigorous, and not get the cramp of +self-conceit till it can't turn its "Boston neck," no matter how +loudly the wheel of progress is dashing past, let it migrate betimes +to New York; where it will get wholesomely thumped and bumped, and +its conservative corns pounced upon by the rushing crowd; who will +knock its respectable shiny hat over its eyes fifty times a day, all +the same as though it was not one of the "highly respectable +citizens," the state of whose kitchen-chimney is gravely reported to a +gaping universe, in their daily papers. + +I don't know what would become of New York had it not its Paradise in +the Central Park. I never go there without blessing its originator, +and wishing it might be baptized with a more suggestive and prettier +name. But never mind names. In its lovely October dress, with its +sparkling lake, and drooping willows, its white swans, its lovely +velvet greensward; the myriads of sweet children alighting here and +there, in their bits of gay dresses, like little humming birds or +orioles, with happy mothers and fathers who have left their cares and +frets in the city, and come there to be young again for too brief an +hour, with the little ones; all this is a picture to feast the eye and +gladden the heart. In one respect Central Park might borrow a hint +from Boston Common. There the little children are allowed to run upon +the grass at all times; not on certain days of the month or week as in +Central Park. Said a bright little child of six the other day, when +asked if it would like to go to Central Park: "No! (emphatically) +_no_! I don't want _to waste my time going_ where they won't let me +step on the grass." + +I sometimes wish that the policeman on duty there--so Argus-eyed to +arrest the tiny shoe, when temptation is too strong for childhood +which has always been cooped within city limits--would bestow some of +their notice upon the men-loafers who stretch themselves at full +length upon benches, occupying them to the exclusion of the children; +puffing vile tobacco, and making a spittoon of the path through which +ladies pass. It strikes me there might be an improvement on the +strain-at-a-gnat and swallow-a-camel system now in vogue there. + +To return to Boston, which I always like to do occasionally: that city +needs not our Central Park drives, with its lovely and easily +accessible environs. + +Here in New York one does not get to the environs until it is time to +come home; what with clogged streets and ferry-boats, and +Babel-hindrances too numerous to mention, such as scratched sides of +the pet carriage, and often-recurring "locked wheels," the fright of +prostrate horses, and the music of profanity, from the lips of hurried +and irate drivers of teams, and drays, in every direction. All this is +death to the repose one seeks in "a drive." Therefore we New Yorkers +love our quiet accessible Central Park. May its boundaries be +limitless as our tax bills! I couldn't say more. But my first +love--that dear old gem of a Boston Common! How happy were the +Saturday and Wednesday afternoons, when, under the blessed old school +system, before children were forced with grammar and geography, like +hot-house plants,--and we had short forenoon and _afternoon_ sessions, +with the exception of the above-mentioned holidays; how happy were the +afternoons I spent there, picking buttercups, and blowing off +thistledown, "to see if mothers wanted us at home;" which by the way, +was sure to be answered in the negative. And as to the Frog-Pond--what +was the Atlantic Ocean to that? On the Atlantic Ocean, they had +dreadful ship-wrecks; on the Boston Frog-Pond, we sent out our tiny +ventures, sure to find safe arrivals when we ran round the other side +of the Pond. And the big Tree--hooped all round like a modern +belle--with what big eyes of wonder we looked up into its branches, as +our elders told us wonderful stories of what it had seen in its long, +eventful life. And _now_ there are many big trees where _little_ ones +used to stand. Bless me! it shows how old I must be; just as it does +to go back there and meet in the street some radiant fresh young girl, +"the very image of her mother," with whom I used to play buttercups, +on Saturday afternoons. There are the same bright eyes, and lovely +hair, and smiling lips--bless me, how old I _really_ must be! and why +don't I walk with a stick? + +And then I laugh as I look up at Boston State-House and its +awe-inspiring dome of our childhood; and recall the "members of the +Legislature," crawling up and down stairs and galleries like great +black ants; and think of the terrific "_Inquisition_"-doings which we +used to be sure must be going on, inside those wonderful halls, and to +which Blue-Beard's locked apartment was nothing. Oh, it is all very +funny now, when I go there; and though I sit on a seat in the Common, +and try to conjure all the myriad hours, and days, and years, between +then and now, and try to feel like the second Methusaleh I am, I +declare to you I never can do it,--but, instead, catch myself trotting +off home under the trees, as briskly as a squirrel. I suppose, some +day, I shall be dead though, for all that. + + + + +_ABOUT SOME THINGS IN NEW YORK WHICH HAVE INTERESTED ME._ + + +The Battery was my first New York love. I shall never forget how +completely it took possession of me, or how magnetically it drew me +under the shade of its fine trees, to breathe the fresh sea-breeze, +and watch the graceful ships come and go, or lie calmly at anchor, +with every line so clearly defined against the bright sky. It was not +"the fashion," even then, to go there; so much the better. It is still +less the fashion now; but there I found myself, one bright Sunday not +long since, as I left the leafy loveliness of Trinity church, with its +sweet choral music still sounding in my ears. + +Alas! for my dear old Battery. The sea is still there, to be sure--no +"corporation" can meddle with that; and still the picturesque ships +come and go; but the blades of grass grow fewer and thinner, and the +dirty, dusty paths call aloud for a "vigilance committee." What a sin +and shame! I exclaimed, that this loveliest spot in New York should +present so forlorn an appearance. Is there not room enough in the +purses and affections of New Yorkers for the Central Park and the +Battery too? In good truth, when I reflect upon it, I am jealous of +this new aspirant for the public favor. What is a _horse_ to a ship? +sacrilege though it be to say so. What is the gaudy, over-dressed +equestrian "swell" of fine ladies and fine "Afghans" to the majestic +_swell of the sea_? What are the stylish equipages and liveries, to +the picturesque crowd of newly-arrived emigrants, with their funny +little, odd-looking babies, their square, sturdy forms and bronze +faces, chattering happy greetings in an unknown tongue, and gazing +about them bewildered, at the strange sights and sounds of a great new +city; or sauntering up to Trinity church, and in happy ignorance of +novel steeples and creeds, dropping on their catholic knees in its +aisles, in thankful, devout recognition of their safe arrival in a new +country. What is the pretty toy-lake, and the hearse-like "gondola," +and "the swans," and the posies, and the "bronze-eagle," and the +blue-coated policemen, who stand ready to handle rogues _with_ gloves, +and _white ones_ at that, to my dear old Battery, battered as it is. + +I call capricious, fickle New York to order, for thus forsaking the +old love for the new. I demand an instant settlement of any protracted +dispute there may be on hand, as to "whose business it is" to renovate +the Battery, before it quite runs to seed, like the City Hall Park. +Not that _I_ won't keep on going to the Battery, though they should +build a small-pox hospital on it; for it is not my way to forsake an +old friend because he is shabby; but I _should_ like to be a female +General Butler, for one month, and put this business through in his +chain-lightning executive fashion. + +It is a great plague to be a woman. I think I've said that before, but +it will bear repeating. Now the wharves are a great passion of mine; I +like to sit on a pile of boards there, with my boots dangling over the +water, and listen to the far-off "heave-ho" of the sailors in their +bright specks of red shirts, and see the vessels unload, with their +foreign fruits, and dream away a delicious hour, imagining the places +they came from; and I like to climb up the sides of ships, and poke +round generally, just where Mrs. Grundy would lay her irritating hand +on my arm and exclaim--"What _will_ people think of you?" + +I am getting sick of people. I am falling in love with things. They +hold their tongues and don't bother. + + * * * * * + +I like also to stroll forth in New York, just at dusk, and see the +crowds hurrying homeward. The merchant, glad to turn his back at last +on both profit and loss. The laboring man with his tools and his empty +dinner pail. The weary working-girl, upon whose pallid face the fresh +wind comes, like the soft caressing touch of her mother's fingers. The +matron, with her little boy by the hand, talking lovingly, as he skips +by her side. The young man, full of hope for the future, looking, with +his eagle eye, and fresh-tinted cheek, as if he could defy fate. The +young girl, rejoicing in her prettiness, for the power it gives her +to win love and friends. The little beggar children, counting their +pennies on some doorstep, to see how much supper they will buy. The +small boot-blacks, who stoop less, after all, than many men whose feet +they polish, singing as merrily as if they were sure of a fortune on +the morrow. The bright glancing lights in the shop windows, touching +up bits of scarlet, and yellow, and blue, and making common beads and +buttons gleam like treasures untold. The lumbering omnibuses, crawling +up and down, heavy with their human freight. The rapid whirl of gay +carriages, with their owners. The little bits of conversation one +catches in passing, showing the depth or shallowness of the speakers. +The tones of their voices, musical or otherwise. The step, awkward or +graceful, and the sway of the figure. The fading tints of the sky, and +the coming out of the stars, that find it hard to get noticed among so +many garish lights. The interior glimpses of homes, before caution +draws the curtains. Now--some picture on the wall. Now--a maiden +sitting at the piano. Now--a child, with its cunning little face +pressed close against the window. Now--a loving couple, too absorbed +in the old--old--but ever _new_ romance, to think that their clasped +hands may be noted by the passer by. Now--a woman for whom your heart +aches; walking slowly; glancing boldly; going anywhere, poor thing! +but--_home_. Now--oh! the contrast--a husband and wife, with locked +arms, talking cheerily of their little home matters. Now--a policeman +with folded arms, standing on the corner, past being astonished at +anything. Now a florist's tempting window, whence comes a delicious +odor of tube-roses, and heliotrope, and geranium. There is a huge, +fragrant pyramid for some gay feast. There is a snowy wreath and +cross, white as the still, dead, face, above which they are soon to be +laid. There is a snowy coronal for a bride. There is a gay, +bright-tinted bouquet for an actress. Lingering, you look, and muse, +and spell out life's alphabet, by help of these sweet flowers; and now +you are jostled away by a policeman, dragging a wretched, drunken +woman to the station-house. + +People talk of Niagara, and tell how impressive is its roar. What is +the roar of a dumb thing like that to the roar of a mighty city? +There, _souls_ go down, and alas! the shuttle of life flies so swiftly +that few stop to heed. + + * * * * * + +There are persons who can regard oppression and injustice without any +acceleration of the pulse. There are others who never witness it, how +frequent soever, without a desperate struggle against non-interference, +though prudence and policy may both whisper "it's none of your +business." I believe, as a general thing, that the shopkeepers of New +York who employ girls and women to tend in their stores, treat them +courteously; but now and then I have been witness to such brutal +language to them, in the presence of customers, for that which seemed +to me no offence, or at least a very trifling one, that I have longed +for a man's strong right arm, summarily to settle matters with the +oppressor. And when one has been the innocent cause of it, merely by +entering the store to make a purchase, the obligation to see the victim +safe through, seems almost imperative. The bad policy of such an +exhibition of unmanliness on the part of a shopkeeper would be, one +would think, sufficient to stifle the "damn you" to the blushing, +tearful girl, who is powerless to escape, or to clear herself from the +charge of misbehavior. When ladies "go shopping," in New York, they +generally expect to enjoy themselves; though Heaven knows, they must be +hard up for resources to fancy this mode of spending their time, when +it can be avoided. But, be that as it may, the most vapid can scarcely +fancy this sort of scene. + +The most disgusting part of such an exhibition is, when the +gentlemanly employer, having got through "damning" his embarrassed +victim, turns, with a sweet smile and dulcet voice, to yourself, and +inquires, "what else he can have the pleasure of showing you?" You are +tempted to reply, "Sir, I would like you to show me that you can +respect womanhood, although it may not be hedged about with fine +raiment, or be able to buy civil words with a full purse." But you +bite your tongue to keep it quiet, and you linger till this Nero has +strolled off, and then you say to the girl, "I am so sorry to have +been the innocent cause of this!" and you ask, "Does he often speak +this way to you?" and she says, quietly, as she rolls up the ribbons +or replaces the boxes on the shelves, "Never in any other!" It is +useless to ask her why she stays, because you know something about +women's wages and women's work in the crowded city; and you know that, +till she is sure of another place, it is folly for her to think of +leaving this. And you think many other things as you say Good-morning +to her as kindly as you know how; and you turn over this whole +"woman-question" as you run the risk of being knocked down and run +over in the crowded thoroughfare through which you pass; and the +jostle, and hurry, and rush about you, seem to make it more hopeless +as each eager face passes you, intent on its own plans, busy with its +own hopes and fears--staggering perhaps under a load either of the +soul or body, or both, as heavy as the poor shop-girl's, and you gasp +as if the air about had suddenly become too thick to breathe. And then +you reach your own door-step, and like a guilty creature, face your +dressmaker, having forgotten to "match that trimming;" and you wonder +if you were to sit down and write about this evil, if it would deter +even one employer from such brutality to the shop-girls in his employ; +not because of the brutality, perhaps, but because by such a +short-sighted policy, he might often drive away from his store, ladies +who would otherwise be profitable and steady customers. + + * * * * * + +There is an animal peculiar to New-York, who infests every nook and +corner of it, to everybody's disgust but his own. He is a boy in +years, but a man in vicious knowledge. Every woman who is unfortunate +enough to be in his presence is simply a _she_--nothing more. He may +be seen making a charmed circle of expectoration, about the seat he +occupies in a ferry-boat, ferry-house, or car, while she stands half +fainting with exhaustion, in hearing distance of his coarse, prurient +remarks to some other little beast like himself. Pea-nuts are the +staple food of this creature, the shells of which he snaps dexterously +at those about him, when other means of amusement give out. When a +public conveyance has reached its point of destination, this animal is +the first to make an insane rush for egress, treading down young +children, and tearing ladies' clothing in his triumphal march. +Sometimes he stops on the way to "bung out the eye" of an offending +youngster, in so tight a place for a combat that somebody's corpse +seems inevitable. Terrified ladies, who would fain give him elbow room +if they had it, faintly ejaculate "Oh!" as they squeeze themselves +into the smallest breathable space; nor does he desist, till his +adversary is punished for the crime of existing, without this brute's +permission; he then emerges into the open street, settling his greasy +jacket and indescribable hat, muttering oaths, and squaring off +occasionally, as he looks behind him, as though he wished somebody +else was "spiling for a licking." + +Often this animal may be found in the city parks; where the city +corporation generously furnishes about one seat to every hundred +children, and selecting the shadiest and most eligible, stretches +himself on it upon his stomach, while tired little children and their +female attendants, wander round in vain for a resting-place. Sometimes +sitting upon it, he will stretch out his leg so as to trip some +unwary, happy little child in passing; or perhaps he will suddenly +give a deafening shout in its ear, for the pleasure of hearing it cry; +or from a pocket well stuffed with pebbles will skillfully pelt its +clean clothes from a safe distance; and sometimes this animal, who +smokes at ten years like a man of forty, will address a passing lady +with such questions as these: + +"Oh, aint _you_ bully? Oh, give _her_ room enough to walk!--oh, yes!" +Or, "Who's _your_ beau, Sally?" which last cognomen seems with them to +constitute a safe guess. + +When not otherwise occupied, this young gentleman writes offensive +words on door-steps and fences with bits of chalk, which he keeps on +hand for this purpose. Or, if a servant has just nicely cleaned a +window, he chews gum into little balls wherewith to plaster it; or he +kicks over an ash-barrel in passing upon a nicely swept side-walk; or +he rings the door-bell violently, and makes a flying exit, having +ascertained previously the policeman's "beat" on that district; or he +climbs the box round a favorite tree, which has just begun by its +grateful shade to refresh your eye and reward your care, and, +stripping off the most promising bough for a switch, goes up street +picking off the leaves and scattering them as he goes; or he will +stand at the bottom of a high flight of steps, upon the top step of +which is a lady waiting for admittance, and scream, "Oh, my--aint +_you_ got bully boots on?" He also is expert at stealing newspapers +from door-steps, and vociferating bogus extras about shocking murders +and fires, and "lass of life;" and flowers out in full glory in a red +shirt, in a pit of a Bowery theatre of an evening. + +Sometimes he diverts himself throwing stones at the windows of passing +cars, and splintering the glass into the eyes of frightened ladies and +children, and suddenly disappearing as if the earth had opened and +swallowed him, as you wish some day it would. + +What this boy will be as a man, it is not difficult to tell. He counts +one at the ballot-box, remember that, when you deny cultivated, +intelligent, loyal _women_ a vote there. + + * * * * * + +If there is one sight more offensive to me in New York than another, +it is that of a servant in livery. Daily my republican soul is vexed +by the different varieties of this public nuisance. Sometimes he +appears to me in the sacerdotal garb--a long, petticoat-y suit of +solemn black, with stainless stiff white cravat. Then again he crosses +my path, bedizzened in blue, with yellow facings, and top-boots. Then +again he flames out like a poll-parrot, in green coat, and scarlet +waistcoat. Again, his white gloves, and broad hat-band, are the only +public advertisements of his servitude. Generally upon the hat of this +animal is mounted the "cockade," which his parvenu master imagines is +just the thing, but which in reality is in "the old country" only worn +by servants of _military_ men. Yesterday I saw a vehicle, in which was +seated a gentleman, driving a fine pair of horses, and behind him, on +a small seat, was his man-servant with his arms folded like a trussed +turkey, _and his back turned to his master_. This last fact seemed to +me a very funny one; but, I dare say, it is satisfactorily accounted +for in some book of heraldry, unfortunately not in my library. Now, it +is not for a moment to be supposed, that when but so lately the nation +was struggling for its "God-given rights," that the _men_ of America +are interested in these finikin-equine-millineries. Of course not. +They are to be pitied; they are undoubtedly the too compliant victims +of weak wives and silly daughters. For themselves, I have no doubt +they are sick at their manly hearts at these servile and +badly-executed imitations of old-country flunkeyism, and blush, with +an honest shame, at being obliged to parade this disgusting and +ill-timed exhibition, in the same streets where our maimed soldiers +are limping home, with our torn and blackened flag, which tells so +well its mute, eloquent story. + + * * * * * + +Let me speak of a pleasanter topic: my visit to the newsboys. One +Sunday evening I went to "The Newsboys' Lodging House, 128 Fulton +Street, New York." Few people who stop these little fellows in the +street to purchase a paper, ever glance at their faces, much less give +a thought to their belongings, associations or condition. Oh! had you +only been down there with me that evening, and looked into those +hundred and fifty intelligent, eager faces, numbered their respective +ages, inquired into their friendless past, given a thought to the +million temptations with which their _present_ is surrounded, spite of +all the well directed efforts of Christian philanthropy, and looked +forward into their possible future, your eyes would have filled, and +your heart beat quicker, as you have said to yourself, Oh, yes; +something _must_ be done to save these children. + +Children! for many of them are no more. Children! already battling +with life, though scarce past the nursery age. Imagine your own dear +boy, with the bright eyes and the broad, white forehead, whom you tuck +so comfortably in his little soft bed at night, with a prayer and a +kiss; whom you look at the last thing on retiring; for whom you gladly +toil; whom you hedge around with virtuous, wholesome influences from +the cradle; who does not yet know even the meaning of the word "evil;" +who jumps into your arms as soon as he wakes in the morning, with the +sweet certainty of a warm love-clasp; who has the nicest bit, at +breakfast, laid on his little plate; whose little stories and +questions always find eager and sympathizing ears; imagine this little +fellow of seven or eight, or ten years, getting out of his bed at one +or two o'clock in the morning, going out into the dark, chill, +lonesome street, half-clad, hungry, alone to some newspaper office, to +wait for the damp morning papers, as they are worked from the press, +and seizing his bundle, hurrying, barefoot and shivering, to some +newspaper stand or depot, at the farther part of the city. Imagine +_your_ little Charley doing that! Then, if that were all! If this +drain on the physical immaturity of childhood were the worst of it. +The devil laughs as he knows it is not. Big boys--_men_, +even--_cheat_; why not he? If he can pass off bad change--surely, who +has more need to make a sixpence, though it be not an honest one? What +care customers if he grow up a good or a bad man, so that the +newspaper comes in time to season their warm breakfast? Who will ever +care for him living, or mourn for him dead? What does it matter, +anyhow? + +That's the way this poor friendless child reasons. I understood it all +last night. All too that this noble philanthropy called "The Newsboys' +Lodging House" meant. And as I looked round on those boys, I felt +afraid when they were addressed, that the right thing might not be +said to so peculiar an audience. For children though they were, they +had seen life as men see it. Untutored, uneducated, in one sense, in +others they knew as much as any adult who should address them. +Sharpened by actual hard-fisted grappling with the world, let him be +careful who should speak to these grown-up children of seven, and ten, +and fourteen years. Thinking thus, I said, as their friend, Mr. C. L. +Brace, rose to speak--pray God, he may take all this into +consideration. Pray God, he may give them neither creeds nor theology; +but, instead, the wide open arms of the good, pitiful, loving +Saviour, whose home on earth was with the lowly and the friendless. +And he did! It was a human address. The God he told them of was not +out of their reach. It was every word pure gold. Bless him for it! He +had them all by the hand, and the heart too. I saw that. Promptly, +frankly, and with the confidence of children in the family, they +answered his questions as to their views on the chapter in the Bible +he read them. And if you smiled at some of their queer notions, the +tear was in your eye the next minute at the blessed thought that they +had friends who cared whether the immortal part of them slumbered or +woke; who recognized and fanned into a flame even the smallest +particle of mentality. Now and then among the crowd a head or face +would attract your eye, and you would be lost in wonder to see it +_there_! The head and face of what I call "_a mother's boy_." God +knows if its owner had one, or, if it had, if she cared for him! And +as they sang together of "The Friend that never grew weary," my heart +responded, aye--aye--why should I forget that? + +I hope you will go--and you and you--on some Sabbath evening, if you +come to New York. They love to feel that people take an interest in +them. It brightens and cheers their lives. It gives them self-respect +and motive for trying to do right; and don't forget to ask the +Superintendent, Mr. O Conner, to show you the nice little beds where +they sleep. _Do_ go; and if you can say a few words to them, or tell +them a bright short story, so much the better. They will know you +next time they sell you a newspaper; don't forget to shake hands with +them _then_. And take your little pet boy Charley down there. Show him +the little fellows who go into business in New York at seven and ten +years old, and have no father or mother at night to kiss them to +sleep. It will be a lesson better than any he will ever learn at +school. He will find out that all boys are not born to plum-cake and +sugar candy, and some of the best and smartest boys too. He will open +his eyes when you tell him that without plum-cake, or candy, or a +grandpa, or an aunt, or father or mother to care for them, some of the +newsboys who came from that very house, to-day own farms in the West, +that they earned selling newspapers, and have since come back for +other newsboys to go out there and help them work on it. Tell Charley +that. I think he will be ashamed to cry again because there was "not +sugar enough in his milk." + + * * * * * + +People who visit a great city, and explore it with a curious eye, +generally overlook the most remarkable things in it. They "do it up" +in Guide-Book fashion, going the stereotyped rounds of custom-ridden +predecessors. If _my_ chain were a little longer, I would write you a +book of travels that would at least have the merit of ignoring the +usual finger-posts that challenge travellers. I promise you I would +cross conservative lots, and climb over conservative fences, and leave +the rags and tatters of custom fluttering on them, behind me, as I +strode on to some unfrequented hunting-ground. + +That's the way I'd do. Never a "lord" or "lady," or a "palace," or a +"picture gallery," should figure in my note-book. "Old masters" and +young masters would be all the same to me. When my book was finished, +if nobody else wanted to read it, I'd sit down and read it myself. Of +course you know such a method pre-supposes a little capital to start +with, at the present price of paper; but really, I put it to you, +wouldn't that be the only honest and racy way to write a book? + +Don't be alarmed--there's no chance of my doing it. I dream of it, +though, sometimes--this deliciousness of "speaking right out in +meetin'" without fear of the bugbear of excommunication. And speaking +of "meetin,'" that's what I have been coming at. The "Fulton-street +daily prayer-meeting." It is one of the most wonderful sights in New +York. In the busiest hour of the day, in its busiest business street, +noisy with machinery of all kinds, even the earth under your feet +sending out puffs of steam at every other step, to remind you of its +underground labor, is a little plain room, with a reading-desk and a +few benches, with hymn-books scattered about. Take a seat, and watch +the worshippers as they collect. _Men_, with only a sprinkling of +bonnets here and there. Business men, evidently; some with good coats, +some with bad; porters, hand-cartmen, policemen, ministers; the young +man of eighteen or twenty, the portly man of forty, and the bent +form, whitening head, and faltering step of age. For _one_ hour they +want to ignore, and get out of, that maelstrom-whirl, into a spiritual +atmosphere. They feel that they have souls as well as bodies to care +for, and they don't want to forget it. How lonely soever yonder man, +in that great rough coat, may be, in this great, strange city, to +which he has just come, here is sympathy, here is companionship, here +are, in the best sense, "brethren." Never mind creeds; that is not +what they assemble to discuss. _But has that man a burden, a grief or +a sorrow, which is intensified tenfold_ by want of sympathy? Nobody +knows his name; nobody is curious to know. He has sent a little slip +of paper up to the desk, and he wants them all to pity and pray for +him. It may be the man on this seat, or that yonder--nobody knows. +Yes--"_pray_" for him. Perhaps you are smiling. You "don't believe in +prayer." Oh, wait till some strand of earthly hope is parting, before +you are quite sure of that. Was there ever an hour of peril or human +agony through which he or she who "did not believe in prayer," was +passing, that the lips did not involuntarily frame the short prayer, +"Oh, God?" + +Well, they "pray" for him. He feels stronger and better as he listens. +He has found friends, even here in this great whirling city, who are +sorry for him; of whose circle he can make one, whenever he chooses; +and to whom he can more fully introduce himself, if he cares to be +better known. + +_I say it is a good and a noble thing._ It warmed and gladdened my +heart to see it. And all the more, that at every step, on leaving, I +saw the "traps" of the Evil One, sprung for that man's return +footsteps. + +One of the pleasantest features of this "one-hour meeting" to me was +the hymns. I don't know or care whether they were "sung in tune." It +wasn't _hired_ singing, thank God! It came straight from orthodox +lungs, with a will and a spirit. Those old "come-to-Jesus" hymns! I +tell you I long for them sometimes with a homesick longing, like that +of the exiled Swiss for his favorite mountain song. You may pick up +the hymn-books containing them, and with your critical forefinger +point to "hell" and "an angry God," and all that. It makes no +difference to me. Don't I take pleasure in looking at your face, +though your nose isn't quite straight, and your eyes are not perfect, +and your shoulders are not shaped to my mind. I don't mind _that_, so +that there's a heart-tone in your voice, a love-look in your eye, when +I'm heart-sore--don't you see? + +Oh! I liked that meeting. I'm going again. It was so homely, and +hearty, and Christian. One man said, "_them_ souls." Do you think I +flounced out of the meeting for that? I liked it. One poor foreigner +couldn't pronounce straight, for the life of him. So much the better. +His stammering tongue will be all right some day. I haven't the least +idea who all those people were, singing and praying there; but I never +can tell you how I liked it. That "Come to Jesus" was sung with a +_heart-ring_ that I haven't stopped hearing, yet, though I have slept +on it once or twice. You may say "priestcraft!" "early education!" and +all that. There are husks with the wheat, I know; but for all that--I +tell you there is _wheat_! + + * * * * * + +With submission, to the authorities it seems to me that the Sunday +Schools of to-day are somewhat perverted from the original intention +of their founders. As I understand it, their object was to collect the +children of poor, ignorant parents for Biblical instruction. I look +out of my window, every Sunday morning, upon the spectacle of gaily +attired little ladies and gentlemen, leaving their brown-stone fronts +of handsome dwellings, and tripping lightly in dainty boots to the +vestries of well-to-do churches. As I watch them, I wonder why their +parents, educated, intelligent people, or at least with plenty of +leisure, should shift upon the shoulders of Sunday-school teachers so +responsible a duty? I say "duty," and it is a cold, hard word to use, +in connection with a dear little child whose early lessons on +religious subjects should be carefully and cautiously and judiciously +unfolded. I cannot understand, and I say this without meaning any +disrespect to the great army of well-meaning, good-hearted +Sunday-school teachers all over the land, how these parents can +reserve to themselves on Sunday morning only the dear pleasure of +decking their little persons in gay Sunday attire, and never +ask--never inquire--never think--what may be the answer given by a +Sunday-school teacher, to the far reaching childish question, which +may involve a lifetime of bewilderment, perplexity, and spiritual +unrest, to the little creature, each shining fold of whose garment has +been smoothed and patted into place by these "doting" parents; it may +be treasonable to say so, but it seems to me an unnatural proceeding. +Then again I think these children should not occupy the time and +attention of teachers, while the poor, who are always with us, are +totally uninstructed, far beyond all the humane attempts that have +been made, and are daily making, to accomplish this purpose. Surely no +teacher whose heart is in his or her work, would let the want of fine +clothes stand in the way of such effort. Now when I see the children +in a locality like the Five Points, or in the various mission schools +established for the benefit of children, I say--Now _that_ is "a +Sunday-school" after the plan of the founders. These children, who +have nothing inviting at their miserable homes on Sunday; whose weary +parents have no heart or strength or knowledge for these things; +gathered in here by kind men and women; to whom this weekly reunion is +perhaps the only bright spot in their whole little horizon; who sing +their little songs with real heart and feeling; who believe in their +teachers, because they know they have come down to inodorous, +disagreeable localities, and love them because their lives are not +cast in pleasant places; these teachers who, if the children have had +no dinner or breakfast, _give_ them dinner or breakfast--why--that I +call a practical Sunday School! It is a blessed thing; and no one can +listen to the hearty singing of these little uncared-for waifs of the +street, without a choking feeling in the throat, that, if voiced, +would be, God bless these teachers? If they were taught nothing but +those simple little songs, it were worth all the time, and money, and +self-sacrifice involved in the teaching. + +Those words ring in their ears during the week. They sing them on the +door-steps of the miserable dwellings they call home; there is a +"heaven" somewhere, they feel, where misery, and dirt, and degradation +are unknown. The passer-by listens--some discouraged man, perhaps, +whom the world has roughly used--some wretched woman who weeps, as she +listens; and this little bit of Gospel, so unobtrusive, so accidental, +so sweetly voiced, is like the seed the wind wafts to some far-off +rock--when you look again, there is the full-blown flower; no one knew +how it took root or whence it came, but, thank God, winds and storms +have no power to dislodge it. My heart warms to such Sunday-schools; +and, without any wish to disparage others, I cannot but think that, if +the parents who are in condition to instruct their own children, would +not delegate this duty, the hundreds of teachers by this means freed, +might gather in the stray lambs, whose souls and bodies no man cares +for. + + * * * * * + +The stranger in New York will not find that its population affect +Evening Lectures as much as in smaller cities, and in rural districts, +owing to the surfeit of all kinds of amusements there; but it is very +curious to study an expectant audience in New York. Some sit resignedly +upon their seats, comfortable or the reverse, as the case may be; +thinking of nothing, or thinking of something, just as it happens, in a +sort of amiable-chew-the-cud-stupor, oblivious of the slow-dragging +moments. Others pull out watches for frequent consultation, shuffle +feet, and take an affectionate and mournful and fond look at a furtive +cigar, which can be of no possible present use. Others, with an +enviable forethought, draw from the depths of coat-pockets the daily +papers, and studiously apply themselves to the contents, to the +manifest envy of that improvident class who are obliged to fall back +upon the unsatisfactory employment of twiddling their fidgety thumbs. +As for the _ladies_, bless 'em! they are never at a loss. Are there not +gloves to pull off, to show a diamond ring to advantage, and glistening +bracelets to settle, and the last finishing polish to put upon hair, +already groomed to the satin smoothness of a respectable hair-sofa? +This duty done, the first bonnet within range passes under the +inspection of an inexorable martinet, viz: "Did _she_ make it herself?" +or, "Is it the approved work of a milliner?" "Does her hair curl +naturally?" or, "Does she curl it?" "Is her collar _real_ lace?" or, +"Only imitation?" These professional detective-queries, so amusing to +the general female mind, while away the time edifyingly, especially +when there is a variety of heads within eye-range for minute +inspection. + + * * * * * + +"What can _she_ have to tell us that we did not know before?" I heard +some one say, as we took our seats in the Lecture-room to hear a +Female Lecturess. Have you always, thought I, heard new and original +remarks from the _male_ speakers, whose audiences yawned through +fifty-cents-worth of bombast, and platitudes, and repetition, in this +very place? And is it not worth while, sometimes, to look at a subject +from an intelligent _woman's_ stand-point? And granting she were +wanting in every requisite that you consider essential in a public +speaker, if she can draw an audience, why shouldn't she fill her +pocket? Is it less commendable than marrying somebody--anybody--for +the sake of being supported, and finding out too late, as many women +do, that it is the toughest possible way of getting a living? As I +view it, her life is not unpleasant. She takes long journeys _alone_, +it is true--and very likely so she would have to do, if she took any, +were she married. At least, she circulates about in the fresh air, +among fresh people, makes many acquaintances, and, let us hope, some +friends; instead of gnawing the bone of monotony all her colorless +life. And what if a hiss should meet her sensitive ear from some adder +in her audience? Does it sting more than would a brutal word at her +own fireside, whither she was lured by promises of love until death? + +If conservatism is shocked to hear a woman speak in public, let +conservatism stay away; but let it be consistent, and not forget to +frown on its own women, who elbow and push their way in a crowded +assembly, and with sharp tongue and hurrying feet "grab"--yes, that's +the word--the most eligible seat, or who push into public conveyances +already filled to over-flowing, and, with brazen impudence, wonder +aloud "if these are _gentlemen_," as they try to look them out of +their seats. There be many ways a woman can "unsex" herself, beside +lecturing in public. + +Not that I see, either, how they can get up and do it. Somebody would +have to put me on my defence; or somebody I loved dearly must be +starving, and need the fee I should get, before _I_ could muster the +requisite courage? but none the less do I honor those who can do it. +So many have acquitted themselves honorably in this field of labor, +that this subject needs neither defender nor apologist; but still, +much of the old spirit of opposition occasionally manifests itself, +even now, in spiteful comments from lip and pen, particularly with +regard to the more fortunate. + +_They_ can stand it!--with a good house over their independent heads, +secured and paid for by their own honest industry. They can stand +it!--with greenbacks and Treasury notes stowed away against a rainy +day. _They_ can stand it!--with any quantity of "admirers" who, not +having pluck or skill enough to earn their own living, would gladly +share what these enterprising women have accumulated. May a good +Providence multiply female lecturers, female sculptors, female artists +of every sort, female authors, female astronomers, female +book-keepers, female--anything that is honest, save female +_sempstresses_, with their pale faces, hollow eyes and empty pockets, +and a City Hospital or Almshouse in prospective. + + * * * * * + +Certainly these earnest women lecturers are in pleasant contrast to +many of the young men of the present day, to whom nothing is sacred, +to whom everything in life is levelled to the same plane of +indifference. Nothing is worth a struggle; nothing worth a sacrifice +to them. Evils, they say, must come; and, folding their hands idly, +they say--let them come. In _their_ moral garden, weeds have equal +chance with the flowers; and it is very easy to see which are in the +ascendant. To be in the blighting proximity of such a person is to +breathe the air of the bottomless pit. Every noble aspiration, every +humane and philanthropic feeling, shrivels in such an atmosphere. What +is it to them that the poor bondman points to his chains? What is it +to them that the world groans with wrong that they can and should at +least begin to redress. The mountain is steep, the top is hidden in +clouds, and they have no eye to discern that they are even now parting +that a glory may gild its summit. It is bad enough--humiliating +enough--to hear the aged express such chilling sentiments. One can +have a pitying patience with them; but when masculine youth and +vigor, born to the glorious inheritance of 1864, tricks itself out in +these old moth-eaten, time-worn garments, instead of buckling on sword +and helmet for God and the right, it is the saddest, most +disheartening sight that earth can show. + + * * * * * + +And speaking of young men, did you ever, when shopping in New York, +notice the different varieties of clerks one sees. There is your +zealous clerk, who thinks fuss is impressive. When you enter, he +places one hand on the counter and turns a somerset over to the other +side, with an astonishing agility equalled only at the circus; he +twitches down the desired piece of goods from the shelf and slaps it +down on the counter with a whirlwind velocity that would send your +bonnet through the door into the street were it not fastened firmly on +by the strings. You catch your breath and sneeze at the dust he has +raised, and trust that _this_ part of the performance is over. Not at +all; he repeats it with another elevation of the piece of goods in the +air, announcing the price per yard, just as its second flapping +descent makes said announcement inaudible. You sneeze again as the +dust fills your nostrils, and stoop to pick up your handkerchief which +he has sent flying to the floor. By this time, if you can recollect +what it is you came to buy, or how many yards of the same you desire, +you have more self-possession and patience than I. + +Then there is your stupid clerk, who thinks you mean blue when you say +green; who thinks flannel and ribbon are one and the same article; who +gives you short measure and short change if you buy, and impresses you +with the idea that he "don't come home till morning." Then there is +your impertinent clerk, who puts his face unnecessarily close to your +bonnet; who assures you that every article he sells is "chaste," if +you know what that means in such a connexion; who inquires, before you +have even glanced at the fabric, "how many yards _you said_ you would +require?" who leans forward on both elbows and stares you in the face +as if his very soul were exhaling. _He's_ a study! Then there's your +inattentive clerk, who makes you wait for an answer while he finishes +some discussion with a brother clerk, or details to him some grievance +he has suffered with the principal of the establishment, or narrates +to him some personal affair, apart from business; meanwhile tossing +for your inspection, as one would throw a bone to a troublesome dog, +any piece of goods that comes handiest, to occupy your mind till he +gets ready to attend you. Then there's your surly clerk, who acts as +though he were afflicted with a perpetual cold in his head, that +incapacitates him from giving any information you require, save by +piecemeal, and at long intervals, but who has yet a marvellous quick +ear to catch any conversation that may be going on between you and +your companion; who, if the latter ventures to remark to you +confidentially that she has seen the article under consideration at +less cost, at such or such a place, volunteers the civil remark "that +it must have been a beauty!" Then, there's your clerk with a high and +mighty presence. What! ask _him_ the price of a ribbon, or a yard of +silk? Shade of Daniel Webster forbid! The idea is sacrilege. You pass +to another counter as fast as possible, in search of some more +ordinary mortal, capable of understanding petty human wants. Then, +there's your dandy clerk. Isn't that cherry-colored neck-tie killing? +And the sleeve-buttons on those wristbands? And the way that hair is +brushed? And the seal-ring on that little finger? And the cut of that +coat, particularly about the shoulders, and the lovely fit of the +sleeves. Don't he consider himself an ornament to the shop? + +Last, not least, there's your sensible, self-respecting, gentlemanly +clerk--young or old, married or single, as the case may be--incapable +alike of officiousness or inattention; who gives you time silently to +look at that which you desire to see; who answers you civilly and +respectfully when you speak to him; who counts your change carefully +for you, and sends you off with the desire to make another purchase at +that shop the very first opportunity. + +As to the _female_ clerks, my pen is fettered there; as I always make +it a rule to stand by my own sex in any and every attempt to earn +their own livelihood innocently and honestly, no matter how many +blunders they make in doing it. Suffice it to say that there is quite +as much variety in their deportment as in that of the males. I think +if I were about to join them, I should be sadly puzzled whether to +choose a male or female shop-proprietor. When a man _is_ a brute, he +is _such_ a brute! And when one's bread and butter depends on him, +heaven help the dependent. Now, one could call a _woman_-proprietor a +"nasty thing," and then she'd say, "you are another," and there'd be +an end of it. But a man-brute would "know the law," as he calls it; +and swear that he'd "paid you your salary, and didn't owe you a cent;" +and scare you, if you were not up to such rascality, with what he +_could_ say if you made him any trouble. Or, if you were young and +pretty, you might have to choose between the endurance of his +condescending attentions or the loss of your place. That much I can +say on the subject. Also that I have seen some of the prettiest and +most lady-like women I ever saw, employed as clerks in New York; also +there are some so ill-mannered that they pretend not to hear what you +inquire for, and keep you standing till they have taken a minute +inventory of the dry-goods on your back. Then there are some who look +so utterly weary and homesick and heartsick, that you long to +say--"Poor thing! come cry it all out on my shoulder." + + * * * * * + +A MORNING AT STEWART'S. + +It is not often that I treat myself to a stroll into Stewart's great +shop. Mortal woman cannot behold such perfection _too_ often and +live. It is like a view of the vast ocean, so humiliating and +depressing by its immensity and sublimity that little atoms of +humanity are glad to creep away from it, to some locally-big elevation +of their own. Once in a while, when I feel strong enough to bear it, +when the day is very bright, and the atmosphere propitious, I put on a +bold face and plunge in with the throng. When I say "throng" I don't +wish to be understood as meaning anything like a mob. It is a very +curious circumstance that how objectionably soever "throngs" may +behave elsewhere, even that most disorderly of all throngs, a +_woman_-throng--yet at Stewart's so suggestive of order and system is +the place, that immediately on entering, they involuntarily "fall into +line," like proper little Sunday scholars in a procession, and never +shuffle or elbow the least bit. Perhaps they are astonished into good +behavior by the sight of those well-behaved statuesque clerks--I don't +know. Perhaps with the artistic manner in which yonder silky-inky +bearded Italian-looking, red-neck-tied gentleman, has arranged the +different shades of silk on yonder counter; so that, as the light +falls on it from the window, it looks like a splendid display of +folded tulips and roses. Perhaps it is the imposing well-to-do portly +individual who walks up and down between the rows of counters, +snapping his eyes about, as if to say--"Ladies, if this don't suit +you, what in heaven's name _will_?" Perhaps it is the eel-like manner +in which little "Cash" winds in and out, with his neatly-tied parcels, +and bank-bills and change. Perhaps it is the astounding sight of +yonder fur-cape, as displayed to advantage on one of those revolving +lay-figures. Perhaps it is the cloak room up-stairs, where the ladies +sigh as they tumble over heaps of beautiful garments, unable to choose +from such a superfluity. "How happy could I be with either, were the +other dear charmer away!" Perhaps 'tis the thought of the money that +must have been expended in this wonderful Juniper store, inside and +out, first and last, and "if _they_ only had it," how many diamonds, +and laces, and silks it would buy, _all at once_; instead of taking it +in disgraceful little installments from their stingy husbands, so that +they positively blush when Stewart's factotum inquires, "Any thing +more this morning, ma'am?" to be obliged to answer "No." I don't +pretend to comprehend the talismanic spell; but I know that at other +than Stewart's I see those very women, snub and brow-beat clerks, and +put on astounding airs generally, as women will when let out on a +shopping spree.--I see none of it there. Indeed, I sometimes think +that if the great Stewart himself were bodily to order them out, they +would neither mutter, nor peep mutinously; but turn about, like a +flock of sheep, and obediently leap over the threshold. The amount of +it is, Stewart is a sort of dry-goods "Rarey." Perhaps husbands wink +at the thing and give the little dears coppers to spend there on +purpose--I don't know. + + + + +_THE WORKING-GIRLS OF NEW YORK._ + + +Nowhere more than in New York does the contest between squalor and +splendor so sharply present itself. This is the first reflection of +the observing stranger who walks its streets. Particularly is this +noticeable with regard to its women. Jostling on the same pavement +with the dainty fashionist is the care-worn working-girl. Looking at +both these women, the question arises, which lives the more miserable +life--she whom the world styles "fortunate," whose husband belongs to +three clubs, and whose only meal with his family is an occasional +breakfast, from year's end to year's end; who is as much a stranger to +his own children as to the reader; whose young son of seventeen has +already a detective on his track employed by his father to ascertain +where and how he spends his nights and his father's money; swift +retribution for that father who finds food, raiment, shelter, +equipages for his household; but love, sympathy, companionship--never? +Or she--this other woman--with a heart quite as hungry and unappeased, +who also faces day by day the same appalling question: _Is this all +life has for me?_ + +A great book is yet unwritten about women. Michelet has aired his +wax-doll theories regarding them. The defender of "woman's rights" +has given us her views. Authors and authoresses of little, and big +repute, have expressed themselves on this subject, and none of them as +yet have begun to grasp it: men--because they lack spirituality, +rightly and justly to interpret women; women--because they dare not, +or will not, tell us that which most interests us to know. Who shall +write this bold, frank, truthful book remains to be seen. Meanwhile +woman's millennium is yet a great way off; and while it slowly +progresses, conservatism and indifference gaze through their +spectacles at the seething elements of to-day, and wonder "what ails +all our women?" + +Let me tell you what ails the working-girls. While yet your breakfast +is progressing, and your toilet unmade, comes forth through Chatham +Street and the Bowery, a long procession of them by twos and threes to +their daily labor. Their breakfast, so called, has been hastily +swallowed in a tenement house, where two of them share, in a small +room, the same miserable bed. Of its quality you may better judge, +when you know that each of these girls pays but three dollars a week +for board, to the working man and his wife where they lodge. + +The room they occupy is close and unventilated, with no accommodations +for personal cleanliness, and so near to the little Flinegans that +their Celtic night-cries are distinctly heard. They have risen +unrefreshed, as a matter of course, and their ill-cooked breakfast +does not mend the matter. They emerge from the doorway where their +passage is obstructed by "nanny goats" and ragged children rooting +together in the dirt, and pass out into the street. They shiver as the +sharp wind of early morning strikes their temples. There is no look of +youth on their faces; hard lines appear there. Their brows are knit; +their eyes are sunken; their dress is flimsy, and foolish, and tawdry; +always a hat, and feather or soiled artificial flower upon it; the +hair dressed with an abortive attempt at style; a soiled petticoat; a +greasy dress, a well-worn sacque or shawl, and a gilt breast-pin and +earrings. + +Now follow them to the large, black-looking building, where several +hundred of them are manufacturing hoop-skirts. If you are a woman you +have worn plenty; but you little thought what passed in the heads of +these girls as their busy fingers glazed the wire, or prepared the +spools for covering them, or secured the tapes which held them in +their places. _You_ could not stay five minutes in that room, where +the noise of the machinery used is so deafening, that only by the +motion of the lips could you comprehend a person speaking. + +Five minutes! Why, these young creatures bear it, from seven in the +morning till six in the evening; week after week, month after month, +with only half an hour at midday to eat their dinner of a slice of +bread and butter or an apple, which they usually eat in the building, +some of them having come a long distance. As I said, the roar of +machinery in that room is like the roar of Niagara. Observe them as +you enter. Not one lifts her head. They might as well be machines, +for any interest or curiosity they show, save always to know _what +o'clock it is_. Pitiful! pitiful, you almost sob to yourself, as you +look at these young girls. _Young?_ Alas! it is only in years that +they are young. + + * * * * * + +"Only three dollars a week do they earn," said I to a brawny woman in +a tenement house near where some of them boarded. "Only three dollars +a week, and all of that goes for their board. How, then, do they +clothe themselves?" Hell has nothing more horrible than the cold, +sneering indifference of her reply: "_Ask the dry-goods men._" + +Perhaps you ask, why do not these girls go out to service? Surely it +were better to live in a clean, nice house, in a healthy atmosphere, +with respectable people, who might take other interest in them than to +wring out the last particle of their available bodily strength. It +were better surely to live in a house cheerful and bright, where merry +voices were sometimes heard, and clean, wholesome food was given them. +Why do they not? First, because, unhappily, they look down upon the +position of a servant, even from _their_ miserable stand-point. But +chiefly, and mainly, because when six o'clock in the evening comes +they are their own mistresses, without hinderance or questioning, till +another day of labor begins. They do not sit in an under-ground +kitchen, watching the bell-wire, and longing to see what is going on +out of doors. More's the pity, that the street is their only refuge +from the squalor and quarrelling and confusion of their tenement-house +home. More's the pity, that as yet there are no sufficiently decent, +cleanly boarding-houses, within their means, where their self-respect +would not inevitably wither and die. + +As it is, they stroll the streets; and who can blame them? _There_ are +gay lights, and fine shop-windows. It costs nothing to _wish_ they +could have all those fine things. They look longingly into the +theatres, through whose doors happier girls of their own age pass, +radiant and smiling, with their lovers. Glimpses of Paradise come +through those doors as they gaze. Back comes the old torturing +question: Must my young life _always_ be toil? _nothing_ but toil? +They stroll on. Music and bright lights from the underground "Concert +Saloons," where girls like themselves get fine dresses and good wages, +and flattering words and smiles beside. Alas! the future is far away; +the present only is tangible. Is it a wonder if they never go back to +the dark, cheerless tenement-house, or to the "manufactory" which sets +their poor, weary bodies aching, till they feel forsaken of God and +man? Talk of virtue! Live this life of toil, and starvation, and +friendlessness, and "unwomanly rags," and learn charity. Sometimes +they rush for escape into ill-sorted marriages, with coarse rough +fellows, and go back to the old tenement-house life again, with this +difference, that their toil does _not_ end at six o'clock, and that +from _this_ bargain there is no release but death. + +But there are other establishments than those factories where +working-girls are employed. There is "Madame ----, Modiste." Surely +the girls working there must fare better. Madame pays six thousand +dollars rent for the elegant mansion in that fashionable street, in +the basement or attic of which they work. Madame cuts and makes +dresses, but she takes in none of the materials for that purpose. Not +she. She coolly tells you that she will make you a very nice _plain_ +black silk dress, and find everything, for two hundred dollars. This +is modest, at a clear profit to herself of one hundred dollars on +every such dress, particularly as she buys all her material by the +wholesale, and pays her girls, at the highest rate of compensation, +not more than six dollars a week. At this rate of small wages and big +profits, you can well understand how she can afford not only to keep +up this splendid establishment, but another still more magnificent for +her own _private_ residence in quite as fashionable a neighborhood. +Another "modiste" who _did_ "take in material for dresses," +and--ladies also! was in the habit of telling the latter that +thirty-two yards of any material was required where sixteen would have +answered. The remaining yards were then in all cases thrown into a +rag-pen; from which, through contract with a man in her employ, she +furnished herself with all the crockery, china, glass, tin and iron +ware needed in her household. This same modiste employed twenty-five +girls at the starvation price of three dollars and a half a week. The +room in which they worked was about nine feet square, with only one +window in it, and whoso came early enough to secure a seat by that +window saved her eyesight by the process. Three sewing-machines +whirred constantly by day in this little room, which at night was used +as a sleeping apartment. As the twenty-five working-girls were ushered +in to their day's labor in the morning before that room was +ventilated, you would not wonder that by four in the afternoon dark +circles appeared under their eyes, and they stopped occasionally to +press their hands upon their aching temples. Not often, but +_sometimes_, when the pain and exhaustion became intolerable. + +One of the twenty-five was an orphan girl named Lizzy, only fifteen +years of age. Not even this daily martyrdom had quenched her abounding +spirits, in that room where never a smile was seen on another +face--where never a jest was ventured on, not even when Madame's back +was turned. Always Lizzie's hair was nicely smoothed, and though the +clean little creature went without her breakfast--for a deduction of +wages was the penalty of being late--yet had she always on a clean +dark calico dress, smoothed by her own deft little fingers. In that +dismal, smileless room she was the only sunbeam. But one day the +twenty-five were startled; their needles dropped from their fingers. +Lizzie was worn out at last! Her pretty face blanched, and with a low +baby cry she threw her arms over her face and sobbed: "Oh, I _cannot_ +bear this life--I cannot bear it any longer. George _must_ come and +take me away from this." That night she was privately married to +"George," who was an employee on the railroad. The next day while on +the train attending to his duties, he broke his arm, and neither of +the bridal pair having any money, George was taken to the hospital. +The little bride, with starvation before her, went back that day to +Madame, and concealing the fact of her marriage, begged humbly to be +taken back, apologizing for her conduct on the day before, on the plea +that she had such a violent pain in her temples that she knew not what +she said. As she was a handy little workwoman, her request was +granted, and she worked there for several weeks, during her honeymoon, +at the old rate of pay. The day George was pronounced well, she threw +down her work, clapped her little palms together, and announced to the +astonished twenty-five that they had a married woman among them, and +that she should not return the next morning. Being the middle of the +week, and not the end, she had to go without her wages for that week. +Romance was not part or parcel of Madame's establishment. Her law was +as the Medes and Persians, which changed not. Little Lizzie's future +was no more to her than her past had been--no more than that of +another young thing in that work-room, who begged a friend, each day, +to bring her ever so little ardent spirits, at the half hour allotted +to their miserable dinner, lest she should fail in strength to finish +the day's work, upon which so much depended. + +Oh! if the ladies who wore the gay robes manufactured in that room +knew the tragedy of those young lives, would they not be to them like +the penance robes of which we read, piercing, burning, torturing? + +There is still another class of girls, who tend in the large shops in +New York. Are they not better remunerated and lodged? We shall see. +The additional dollar or two added to their wages is offset by the +necessity of their being always nicely apparelled, and the necessity +of a better lodging-house, and consequently a higher price for board, +so that unless they are fortunate enough to have a parent's roof over +their heads, they will not, except in rare cases, where there is a +special gift as an accountant, or an artist-touch in the fingers, to +twist a ribbon or frill a lace, be able to save any more than the +class of which I have been speaking. They are allowed, however, by +their employers, to purchase any article in the store at first cost, +which is something in their favor. + +But, you say, is there no bright side to this dark picture? Are there +no cases in which these girls battle bravely with penury? I have one +in my mind now; a girl, I should say a lady; one of nature's ladies, +with a face as refined and delicate as that of any lady who bends over +these pages; who has been through this harrowing experience of the +working-girl, and after years of patience, virtuous toil, has no more +at this day than when she began, _i. e._, her wages day by day. Of the +wretched places she has called "home," I will not pain you by +speaking. Of the rough words she has borne, that she was powerless, +through her poverty, to resent. Of the long walks she has taken to +obtain wages due, and failed to secure them at last. Of the weary, +wakeful nights, and heart-breaking days, borne with a heroism and +trust in God, that was truly sublime. Of the little remittances from +time to time forwarded to old age and penury, in "the old country," +when she herself was in want of comfortable clothing; when she herself +had no shelter in case of sickness, save the hospital or the +almshouse. Surely, such virtue and integrity, will have more enduring +record than in these pages. + +Humanity has not slept on this subject, though it has as yet +accomplished little. A boarding-house has been established in New York +for working-girls, excellent in its way, but intended mainly for those +who "have seen better days," and not for the most needy class of which +I have spoken. A noble institution, however, called "The Working +Woman's Protective Union," has sprung up, for the benefit of this +latter class, their object being to find places _in the country_, for +such of these girls as will leave the overcrowded city, not as +servants, but as operatives on sewing-machines, and to other similar +revenues of employment. Their places are secured before they are sent. +The person who engages them pays their expenses on leaving, and the +consent of parents, or guardians, or friends, is always obtained +before they leave. A room is to be connected with this institution, +containing several sewing-machines, where gratuitous instruction will +be furnished to those who desire it. A lawyer of New York has +generously volunteered his services also, to collect the too tardy +wages of these girls, due from flinty-hearted employers. Many of the +girls who have applied here are under fifteen. At first, they utterly +refused to go into the country, which to them was only another name +for dullness; even preferring to wander up and down the streets of the +city, half-fed and half-clothed, in search of employment, than to +leave its dear kaleidoscope delights. But after a little, when letters +came from some who had gone, describing in glowing terms, their +pleasant homes; the wages that one could live and save money on; their +kind treatment; the good, wholesome food and fresh air; their hearty, +jolly country fun; and more than all, when it was announced that one +of their number had actually married an ex-governor, the matter took +another aspect. And, though all may not marry governors, and some may +not marry at all; it still remains, that _inducing them to go to the +country is striking a brave blow at the root of the evil_; for we all +know, that human strength and human virtue have their limits; and the +dreadful pressure of temptations and present ease, upon the +discouragement, poverty and friendlessness of the working-girls of New +York, must be gratifying to the devil. I do not hesitate to say, that +there is no institution of the present day, more worthy to be +sustained, or that more imperatively challenges the good works and +good wishes of the benevolent, than "The New York Working Woman's +Protective Union." May God speed it! + + + + +_WASHING THE BABY._ + + +You may think it a very simple thing to wash a baby. You may imagine +that one feels quite calm and composed, while this operation is being +faithfully and conscientiously performed. That shows how little you +know. When I tell you that there are four distinct, delicate chins, to +be dodgingly manipulated, between frantic little crying spells, and as +many little rolls of fat on the back of the neck, that have to be +searched out and bathed, with all the endearing baby-talk you can +command, the while, as a blind to your merciless intentions; when I +tell you that of all things, baby won't have her ears or nose meddled +with, and that she resents any infringement on her toes with shrill +outbreaks, and that it takes two people to open her chubby little +fists, when water seeks to penetrate her palms. When I tell you the +masterly strategy that has to be used to get one stiff, little, +rebellious arm out of a cambric sleeve, and the frantic kickings which +accompany any attempts to tie on her little red worsted-shoe; when I +tell you that she objects altogether to be turned over on her stomach, +in order to tie the strings of her frock, and that she is just as mad +when you lay her on her back; when I inform you that she can stiffen +herself out when she likes, so that you can't possibly make her sit +down, and at another time will curl herself up in a circle, so that +you can't possibly straighten her out; and when you enumerate the +garments that have to be got off, and got on, before this process is +finally concluded, and that it is to be done before a baking fire, +without regard to the state of the thermometer, or the agonized dew on +your brow; when I inform you that every now and then you must stop in +the process, to see that she is not choking, or strangling, or that +you have not dislocated any of her funny little legs, or arms, or +injured her bobbing little head, you can form some idea of the relief +when the last string is tied, and baby emerges from this, her daily +misery, into a state of rosy, diamond-eyed, scarlet-lipped, content; +looking sweet and fresh as a rosebud, and drowsing off in your arms +with quivering white eyelids and pretty unknown murmurings of the +little half-smiling lips, while the perfect little waxen hands lie +idly by her side. Ah me! how shall one keep from spoiling a baby? Ah! +how can one ever give brimming enough love-measure--to this--_the +motherless_. + + + + +_CHILDREN HAVE THEIR RIGHTS._ + + +There is not a day of my life in which I am not vexed at the injustice +done to children. A Sunday or two since, I went to church. In the pew +directly in front of me sat a fine little lad, about twelve years old, +unobtrusively taking notes of the sermon. By my side sat a +man--gentleman, I suppose, he called himself--his coat, pants, boots, +and linen were all right as far as I am any judge, and dress seems to +be the test now-a-days--who occupied himself in leaning over the front +of the pew, and reading what the boy was writing--evidently much to +the discomfiture of the latter. Now I would like to ask, why that +child's pencilled notes should not have been as safe from curious eyes +as if he had been an adult? and what right that grown-up man had, to +bother and annoy him, by impertinently peeping over his shoulder? and +of what use is it to preach good manners to children, while nobody +thinks it worth while to practice the same toward them? The other day +I was sitting in a car, and a nice, well-behaved boy of ten years took +his seat and paid his fare. Directly after, in came the conductor, and +without a word of comment, coolly took him by the shoulder and placed +him on his feet, and then motioned a lady to his vacant seat? Why not +_ask_ the child, at least? I have often been struck with the ready +civility of boys in this respect, in public conveyances--but that is +no reason why they should be imposed upon; the lady who took the seat +might possibly have thanked a _gentleman_ for yielding it to her, but +she evidently did not think that good manners required she should +thank the boy. Again--what right has a gentleman to take a blushing +little girl of twelve or thirteen and seat her on his knee, when he +happens to want her seat. I have seen timid, bashful girls, suffering +crucifixion at the smiles called forth by this free and easy act; and +sometimes actually turning away their faces to conceal tears of +mortification; for there are little female children unspoiled even by +the present bold system of childhood annihilation--little violets who +seek the shade, and do not care to be handled and pulled about by +every passer-by. Again--why will parents, or those who have the charge +of children, make hypocrites of them by saying, Go kiss such and such +a person? A kiss is a holy thing, or should be, and not to be lightly +bestowed. At any rate, it never should be compulsorily given. Children +have their likes and dislikes, and often much more rationally grounded +than those of grown people, though they may not be able to syllable +them. I never shall forget a snuffy old lady whom I used to be +obliged, when a child, to kiss. I am not at all sure that my +unconquerable aversion to every form of tobacco does not date from +these repulsive and compulsory kisses. With what a lingering horror I +approached her, and with what a shiver of disgust I retreated to scrub +my lips with my pinafore, and shake my locks, lest peradventure a +particle of snuff had lodged there. How I wondered what she would do +in Heaven without that snuff-box, for she was a "church member," and +my notions of Heaven could by no stretch of liberality admit such a +nuisance; and how I inwardly vowed that if I ever grew to be a woman, +and if I ever was married, and if I ever had a little girl, all of +which were dead certainties in my childish future, I would never make +her kiss a person unless she chose to do it, never--never--which +article of my pinafore creed I do here publicly indorse with my +matronly hand. + + * * * * * + +Again, what more abominable tyranny than to force a child to eat +turnip, or cabbage, or fat meat or anything else for which it has an +unconquerable and unexplainable disgust? I have seen children actually +shudder and turn pale at being obliged to swallow such things. Pray, +why should not their wishes in this respect be regarded as much as +those of their seniors? Not that a child should eat everything which +it craves indiscriminately, but it should never, in my opinion, be +forced to swallow what is unpalatable, except in the case of medicine, +about which parents tell such fibs--that it "tastes good," and all +that--when they should say honestly, "It is very bad indeed, but you +know you _must_ take it, and the sooner it is over the better; now be +brave and swallow it." I do protest too against forcing big boys to +wear long curls down their backs after they are well into jackets, for +the gratification of mamma's pride, who "can't bear to cut them off," +not even though her boy skulks out of sight of every "fellow" he meets +for fear of being called a "girl-boy;" or the practice making a boy of +that age wear an apron, which the "fellows" are quite as apt to twit +him about, or anything else which makes him look odd or ridiculous. +There is no computing the suffering of children in these respects. I +dare say many who read this will say, "But they should be taught not +to mind such things," etc.; that's all very well to say, but suppose +you try it yourself;--suppose you were compelled to walk into church +on Sunday with a collar that covered your cheeks, and your +great-grand-father's coat and vest on; to hear the suppressed titters, +and be an object of remark every time you stirred; and you a man who +hated notoriety, and felt like knocking everybody down who stared at +you? How would that suit? Nothing like bringing a case home to +yourself. Just sit down and recall your own childhood, and remember +the big lumps in your little throat that seemed like to choke you, and +the big tears of shame that came rolling down on your jacket, from +some such cause, and don't go through the world striding with your +grown-up boots on little children. They are not all angels, I know; +some of them are malicious, and ugly, and selfish and disagreeable; +and whose fault is it?--answer me that? Not one time in ten, the +child's. You may be sure of it. God made it right, but there were +bunglers who undertook a charge from which an angel might shrink. + + * * * * * + +And now I want to put in a plea for the children about story-reading. +At a certain age, children of both sexes delight in stories. It is as +natural, as it is for them to skip, run and jump, instead of walking +at the staid pace of their grandparents. Now some parents, very well +meaning ones too, think they do a wise thing when they deny this most +innocent craving, any legitimate outlet. They wish to cultivate, they +say, "a taste for solid reading." They might as well begin to feed a +new-born baby on meat, lest nursing should vitiate its desire for it. +The taste for meat will come when the child has teeth to chew it; so +will the taste for "solid reading" as the mind matures--_i. e._, if it +is not made to hate it, by having it forced violently upon its +attention during the story-loving period. That "there is a time for +all things," is truer of nothing more, than of this. Better far that +parents should admit it, and _wisely_ indulge it, than, by a too +severe repression, give occasion for _stealthy_ promiscuous reading. + + * * * * * + +How delicious in these days of hot-house-childhood it is to find a +little one who can relish puss in the corner. To find one who does +not at six years of age turn up its little nose at everything but +"round dances," and a supper of "pâté de foie gras" and champagne. +What a sorrowful sight are those blasé languid little things who are +incapable of a new sensation before they are out of short clothes--to +whom already there is no childhood left--who have turned their backs +on that path of flowers to which they can never return, through long +years of satiety and weariness. What shall compensate them for the +dear, fresh, innocent, simple delights, which to children, naturally +and simply brought up, are so attractive? We are all making grave +mistakes about children. Those who unfortunately live always in a +great city, are mostly the sufferers. Life there is such a maelstrom, +swallowing up every hour so much that is lovely and beautiful. +Fathers, and mothers, delegating so much of the care and oversight of +them to those, whose paid service yields neither sympathy nor +appreciation to the victims under their charge. Toy shops are +ransacked, and small fortunes expended, to supply this lamentable +deficiency; till the weary little one at six or seven has exhausted +the stock, and sighs for "something new;" like a flirt who has put her +slipper on a thousand hearts, or a man of the world, reduced by too +much money and leisure, and too little brains, to caress the head of +his cane, long, weary hours, staring out of his club window. I think +this is very pitiful, both for the child and the man. Indeed it is +children so brought up, who make such men, and women of a +corresponding type. Life seems fast losing its simplicity merely for +want of the brave courage to defy fashion's encroachments. "What will +they think?" is at the bottom of it. Who among us has pluck enough to +snap our fingers at that question, and face the formidable--"_Did you +ever?_" which treads upon the heels of independent thought and action, +even in a right and obviously sensible direction. Nor is it a question +of sex. I find as much of this spirit, or the want of it, in one sex +as in the other, and the children are the victims. + +Now children naturally hate fine clothes and the restrictions upon +freedom and enjoyment that they impose. Children naturally prefer live +animals, to the pink dogs, and blue sheep, and green cows, presented +in a wooden "Noah's Ark." Children naturally prefer a garden and a +shovel, to a stereotyped lounge, with a silent cross nurse, over city +pavements. Children should be put to bed by loving hands, and their +eyes closed with a kiss, as our cherished dead pass into the land of +silence. Children should leap into loving arms when they again open +their eyes with the baptism of the fresh morning light. + +Children should be kept in ignorance of nearly all that is now as +familiar to their ears as their own names. But, alas! we all know how +different things really are, and the result--is the children of +to-day--children, with rare and blessed exceptions, only in name. Oh! +the perpetual "nurse;" the perpetual nursery! The sad sight of the +spirit-weary little child checked in its most innocent and healthy +impulses; called "naughty," for being buoyant and merry, till +sullenness and defiant mischief are the result. Oh, mother in the +parlor, take off that silk dress which little feet may not climb upon, +and take a seat in your own nursery, and give that little one the +love, without which its whole sweet nature shall be turned into +bitterness. Oh, father, at the sound of whose footstep that child must +_always_ "hush up" or beat a hasty retreat to parts unknown--how much, +how _very_ much you lose, when never that little face grows brighter +that "papa has come home;" when, with your hands thrust into your +coat-pocket, you lounge along toward your door, and never invite with +your love that dear blessed little nose, to flatten itself against the +window-pane, watching for "my papa." + +_My_ papa! Good heavens! what is it to be Senator, Member of Congress, +President, _King_, to that? "_My_ papa!" Man! what can you be thinking +of, that the sweet, trustful, blessed ownership in those two little +words, fails to move every drop of your blood? And what can the wide +earth, with all its cheating promises, give you, in compensation for +that which your short-sighted folly throws away? Oh, _sometimes_, stop +and think of that. + + + + +_MOURNING._ + + +It is very strange how differently people are affected by a great +bereavement. One desires nothing so much as to flee as far as possible +from any scene, or association, which shall recall the lost. Every +relic he would banish forever from his presence. The spot where his +dead was laid he would never revisit, and, if possible, never +remember. When the anniversary of death occurs, no person should +allude to it in his presence; he would himself prefer to glide +obliviously over it. Another finds comfort and solace in the very +opposite course. He desires nothing so much as that the little +favorite home-surroundings of the dead should remain unchanged, as if +the owner were still living. He would sit down among them, and recall +by these silent mementoes every cherished look and tone; jealously +recording every detail and circumstance, lest memory should prove +unfaithful to her trust. Everything worn by the form now lifeless, +would he have often before his eyes, touching their folds with +caressing fingers. At the table and by the hearth, rising up and +sitting down, going out and coming in, would he evoke the dear +presence. He would pass through the streets where so often his dead +have passed with him. The place of that friend's sepulture, is to him +the place of all places where he would oftenest go. He plants there +his favorite flowers, and woos for them the balmiest air and warmest +sunshine. He reads over the name and date of birth and burial, each +time as if they were not already indelibly engraven on his memory; and +still, though months and years may have passed in this way, whenever +he catches himself saying, "It was about the time when our John," or +"our Mary, died," he will still shiver, as when the first time he had +occasion to couple death with that household name. + +Again: One person on the death of a friend, is punctiliously +solicitous that no etiquette of mourning habiliments should be +disregarded, to the remotest fraction of an inch as to quantity; and +that the quality and fashioning of the same should be according to the +strictest rules laid down by custom on such occasions; considering all +variation from it, although demanded by health or comfort, as a +disrespect to the dead. + +Another is scarcely conscious that he wears these outward tokens; or, +if so, knows little and cares less whether all the minutiæ of depth, +width and blackness is punctiliously followed. Attention to these +details seems to him a mockery, from which he turns impatiently away. +The whole world seems to him already draped in sable; what matters, +then, this intrusive pettiness? And that any one should measure the +depth of his loss by the width of a hem or a veil, or the fashion of a +hat, or the material of a garment, seems to him too monstrous an +absurdity for credence. And when he hears the common expression that +such a person is "in _half mourning_" it is so utterly repulsive to +him, that he almost feels that he should honor the dead more by a +total breach of the custom, than by its observance. + +In truth, it may be a question whether a genuine grief can exist in +the artificial atmosphere where these slavish mourning etiquettes are +cultivated. The devil himself probably knew this; and contrived this +ingenious way to turn the mass of mankind aside from sober reflection +at a time when the march of life stands still. + +When the bolt falls, which sooner or later strikes every man's house, +how philosophically lookers-on reason about it. How practically +unconscious are they, while gazing at the blood-besprinkled door-post +of a neighbor, that the advancing finger of Destiny is already pointed +at their own, as they plan for happy years to come the future of +husband, wife, child, brother and sister, as if _for them_ there was +immunity from dissolution and disruption. No acceleration of pulse, no +heart-quiver, when the funeral train passes by, or the sad face looks +out from its frame of sable; for no sweet bright face is missing from +_their_ little band. No pained ear listens at _their_ fireside for the +light footfall that will never come. No street is avoided in _their_ +daily walks, which agonizingly suggests a floating form once watched +and waited for there. Nor may the passing stranger, whose step and +voice stir the troubled fountain of your tears, know by what personal +magnetism he has evoked your dead, and chained you to linger, and +look, and feed your excited fancy, till the impulse to throw yourself +on that strange heart and weep, almost sweeps away cold propriety. + +_Ah! the difference, whether the hearse stands before one's own door, +or one's neighbor's._ And yet, how else could we all live on, playing +at jack-straws, as we do, day after day, while a momentous future +little by little unfolds itself? How else would one have courage to go +on planting what another hand than his shall surely reap; and what +pleasure would there be beneath the sun, if one sat crouching, and +listening for the step of the executioner, or clasping wild arms of +protection round the dear ones. Merciful indeed is it, that we can +travel on in to-day's sunshine, trusting to our Guide to shelter us, +when the storm shall gather and break over our heads. + + + + +_TO YOUNG GIRLS._ + + +I wonder how many girls tell their mothers everything? _Not_ those +"young ladies" who, going to and from school, smile, bow, and exchange +notes and cartes de visite with young men, who are perfect strangers +to them. I grant this may all be done thoughtlessly and innocently, +for "fun," and without any wrong intention; but surely--surely--such +young girls should be told that not in this spirit will it be +received; and that to hold themselves in so cheap estimation, is +certainly to invite insult, how disguised soever it may be in the form +of compliment and flattery. Imagine a knot of young men making fun of +you and your "picture;" speaking of you in a way that would make your +cheeks burn with shame, could you hear it. All this, most credulous +and romantic young ladies, they will do, although they gaze at your +fresh young face admiringly, and send or give you charming verses and +bouquets. No matter what "other girls do;" don't _you_ do it. No +matter how "ridiculous" it is that you have "never had an offer, +although you were fifteen last spring;" there is time enough, and to +spare, yet. Girls who, falling in love, insist on getting married when +they are babies, will find that studying after marriage is tedious +work. A premature, faded, vacant old age!--you surely cannot desire +_that_. When is your mind to be informed, or to grow, if you place it +in a hot-house, that only the flower of Love be forced into early +bloom, to the dwarfing of every other faculty? And even should such a +foolish school flirtation end in early marriage, how long, think you, +before your husband would weary of a wife who only knew enough to talk +about dress or dancing? How painful for you to be silent, through +ignorance, should you chance to have intelligent guests at your house. +How painful, when your only charm, youth and its prettiness, has +faded, to find your husband gradually losing sight of you, as his mind +expanded, and yours grew still narrower, with the inevitable cares, +that only the _brain_ of a sensible woman can keep from overwhelming +her. How painful, as time passes on, and your children grow up about +you, to hear them talk intelligently on subjects of which you scarcely +know the names. + +And this, remember, is taking the most _favorable_ view of the result +of school-girl flirtations. They _may_ end far more disastrously, as +many a foolish, wretched young girl could tell you. + +But let us not talk of this. Your yearning for some one to love you, +and you only, is natural and right; it is a great need of every +woman's heart. But there is a time for everything; and it is wisdom +before seeking this to wait. Your choice at fifteen would be very +different from your choice at twenty. A man who would quite suit you +then, would only disgust and weary you when you grew older. Till +school-days are over, therefore, you can well afford to let love rest. +Don't let the bloom and freshness of your heart be brushed off in +silly flirtations. Study all you can and keep your health. Render +yourself _truly_ intelligent. And, above all, tell your mother +everything. "Fun" in _your_ dictionary would sometimes be +_indiscretion_ in hers. It will do you no harm to look and see. Never +be ashamed to tell her, who should be your best friend and confidant, +all you think and feel. She was once a girl herself; she had _her_ +dreams, and can understand it. Not having been always as wise as she +is now, she can spare you many a pang of humiliation and regret if you +will profit by her advice. + +It is very sad that so many young girls will tell every person before +"mother," that which is most important she should know. It is very sad +that indifferent persons should know more about her own fair young +daughter than she herself. Don't you think so? You find it quite easy +to tell your mother that you want a new dress, or hat, or shawl; but +you would be quite ashamed to say--Mother, I wish I had a lover. Why +not? It is nothing at all to be ashamed of. It is a perfectly natural +wish; and your mother was given you to tell you just that, and a great +many other things, which would convince you, if you would listen to +her, that it was best for you not to hurry into life's cares and +responsibilities till your soul and body were fitted to carry you +patiently, and hopefully through them. + + * * * * * + +Another thing I want to speak to you about: It is very common, at the +present day, for young ladies to accept presents from gentlemen not +related to them, or likely to become so--in fact, mere acquaintances. +It was not so in _my_ day; and with no partiality for old customs, +merely because they _are_ old customs, _I_ confess an admiration for +that feminine delicacy which shrinks from accepting favors from chance +acquaintances of the day or hour. That all young men have not the true +feelings of gentlemen, our young ladies need not be told; nor, that +those most lavish with their presents, are often as little able to +afford it, as they are able to _refrain from boasting that these +presents have been accepted when among their young male companions_. +The cheek of many an innocent but unguarded young girl, would crimson +with mortification could she hear the remarks often made on this +subject among young men. _Don't do it, girls_; don't accept any +presents from a gentleman unless he is an accepted suitor, a relative, +or some old, well-known friend of the family, who has proved his claim +to be good for such a proof of your faith in him. This may be +"old-fashioned" advice, and yet--you may live to thank me for it. + + * * * * * + +There is one point, my dears, upon which I pine for information. Many +an anxious hour have I pondered on it. I never studied medicine, else +I might not now be in the dark. I find no precedent for it in young +people of past ages. It was not so with me, or any of my young female +companions, most of whom, by the way, were boys. I cannot conjecture +what sort of parents, the curiously-constituted young person to whom I +refer, must have had. What time she cut her first tooth, or whether +she cut it at all. Not to harass you with farther conjecture, I will +come at once to the point. I allude to "_the fair young creature of +some seventeen summers_," of whom we so often read. In mercy tell +me,--does she--like the bear--suck her claws in some dark retreat in +winter; or, having "no winter in her year," is her lamp of life +suddenly and mercilessly blown out, not to be rekindled till it comes +time for another of her "_summers_." I beg the philanthropist--I +entreat the humanitarian, to make some inquiry into the circumstances +of this abridged young creature, so long defrauded by unprincipled +story and novel writers, of her inalienable woman's rights to _winter_ +in our midst. + + * * * * * + +Do you ever go home pondering over chance conversation heard in the +street? "Don't you wish something would happen?" I heard a young girl +say, yawning to her companion, as I passed her. My dear, thought I, +rather bless Providence _when nothing happens_. However, she had many +years yet to see, before she could take that adult view of things; the +bread and butter period was beginning to get insipid, that was all; +that passed, she fancied all would be blue sky and roses beyond. What +"happens" to one's neighbor is too apt to be no concern of ours, 'tis +true; but one must walk with closed eyes through the streets of a +great city not to see constant "happenings." Yonder poor woman, +followed by a shouting crew of boys, and struggling in the grasp of a +policeman, her lips white with fear, what can have happened to _her_? +And so surely as that knot of crape flutters from yonder door, there +has "happened" in, over that threshold, a strange, unbidden guest, who +would take no denial. And there is a true woman, her eyes bent +earthward with unmerited shame, guiding home the staggering steps of +him on whom _she_ should have leaned. And farther on, a house-painter +sits swinging aloft, brush in hand, humming daily at his work; a +treacherous step, and he lies a mangled heap upon the pavement. Ah, +who has the courage to tell the busy little wife at home what has +"happened" to him? And yonder is a tearful mother kissing her soldier +lad; you and she both know what has and may "happen" there, and as you +look, your heart joins hers in that sorrowful blessing. And at yonder +pier they are busy over a "body." That is all they know of him whose +blue lips keep their own secret well. And peering through the bars of +that locked cart, jolting over the stones, are eyes that looked +innocently into the faces of fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, +before this "happened." And so, thinking of all these things as I +listened to that young girl, I said, Blessed is that day, when +_nothing_ "happens." + + * * * * * + +Often I get letters from young girls who are perfect strangers to me. +The other day, one wrote me saying, "Fanny, suppose you give us a +chapter on working all one's life, just for the sake of working; +working all the time, just to keep soul and body together; without one +friend; one sympathizing word;--honest hard work, I mean, and no +thanks." This was my reply to her: perhaps some of you may feel like +asking the same question, so you can consider it written also to you. + +Well, my dear child, there are thousands who are compelled to do this, +as there are thousands more who will do it, in time to come. This view +of the case may not make you more contented with your lot, but I think +our sufferings are sometimes intensified by imagining that nobody in +the world ever had to endure the _peculiar_ hardships which afflict +our individual selves. You must remember that to this initiatory +school of self-conquest the world owes many of its best and most +gifted children. To learn to wait, to be willing to endure, is indeed +the hardest of all earthly lessons. To wait athirst for sympathy; to +wait for the tardy lifting of the iron hand of toil, which seems +crushing out everything but the grinding care for daily bread _is_ +hard. I say _seems_ crushing, for often it is _only_ seeming. The seed +that _seems_ buried is only for a time hidden; some day when we least +expect it, it gives to our gladdened sight verdure, blossom and +fruitage. Persistent discontent is the rust of the soul. They have +half won the battle who can work while they wait. Having measured +one's capacities; having satisfied oneself that at present nothing +better can be achieved; it is wise to do cheerfully with our might +what our hands find to do, though with listening ear for the day of +future deliverance. And it will surely come to such, though not, +perhaps, just in the manner, or at the moment, their shortsightedness +had marked out. A bird that ceaselessly beats its delicate wings +against the bars of its cage must soon lie helpless. Better to nibble +and sing, keeping a bright eye for a chance opening of the door out +into the green fields and blue sky beyond. But this achieved, remember +that the sky will not always be blue, nor the wind gentle; then, when +the storm comes, comes again a struggle to get above the clouds, into +another atmosphere. + +Like the child who essays to walk--many a fall, many a bump, many a +disappointment in grasping far-off objects that seemed near, or +finding their shining but dimness when gained, must be ours; till, +like it, we come, gladly, at last, weary with effort, to rest +peacefully on the bosom of Love. So--when to Him who appointeth our +lot, we can say trustingly, "Do what seemeth good in Thy sight;"--so, +when the mad beating of our wings against the bars of a present +necessity shall cease, and the lesson of self-conquest shall be +achieved, then--is freedom and victory in sight! + + + + +_A LITTLE TALK WITH "THE OTHER SEX."_ + + +Tom Jones would like to be married. Tom does not quite relish the idea +of a connubial idiot; and yet, for many reasons unnecessary to state, +he does not desire a wife who knows much. He would like one who will +be always on tiptoe to await his coming, and yet be perfectly +satisfied, and good-humored, if after all her preparations, culinary +and otherwise, he may conclude at all times, or at any time, to prefer +other society to hers. He also desires his wife to be possessed of +principle enough for both, because in his own case, principle would +interfere with many of his little arrangements. He would like her +always to be very nicely dressed, although his own boots and coats are +innocent of a brush from year's end to year's end. He wishes her to +speak low, and not speak much; because he has a great deal to say +himself, and when he has roared it out, like the liberal, great Dr. +Johnson, "he wishes the subject ended!" Tom wishes his wife possessed +of military instincts, so that she may discipline her household; after +that is done, he wishes to turn the key on these military instincts, +lest they might be of use in some emergency necessary to her personal +happiness. Tom wants a wife who loves more than she reasons, because +he intends himself to pursue quite a contrary policy. Tom would like a +wife who adjusts everything with a smile; although he may use his +boots for other purposes than that of locomotion. She must have a +pretty face, an easy temper, and an intellect the size of which would +allow him to consider his own colossal. Any young lady very weak in +the head, and strong in the nerves, and quite destitute of any +disgusting little selfishnesses, may consider herself eligible, +provided she has money; none others need apply. + + * * * * * + +Since the world began, there probably never was a marriage of which +somebody did not "disapprove." That somebody, and everybody, including +relatives, have a perfect right to an opinion on such a subject, +nobody doubts. But how far you prove your greater love for "Tom," by +whispering round "confidentially" your foreordained determination not +to believe that "that woman" can ever make him happy, is a question. +Poor fellow! and _she_ of all people in the world; the very last woman +_you_ would have selected; which of course is sure to get to Tom's +wife's ears, and produce a fine foundation for belief in the reality +of your regard for him, and your good nature generally. + +Now as there were seldom, or never, two parties bound together in +_any_ relation of life, whether as business partners, pastor and +people, teacher and pupil, master and subordinate, mistress and maid, +who always moved along with perfect unanimity, it is hardly to be +expected that the marriage of "Tom" and his wife will effect a total +revolution for the better in human nature, any more than did your own +marriage. Perhaps even Tom and his wife, though loving each other very +much, may have a difference of opinion on some subject; but what is +that to you? They don't need your guardianship or supervision in the +matter. It is very curious that those persons who clamor most loudly +when "Tom" marries without their consent and approbation, are, ten to +one, those who have themselves married clandestinely, or otherwise +offended against the rigid rule which they would apply in his +particular case. + +Broad philanthropists! Tom can surely be happy in no way but theirs. +They love him so much better than "that woman" possibly can. Poor +"Tom!" He looked so poorly last time they saw him. _Her_ fault, of +course. They knew it would be just so. Didn't they say so from the +first? Poor Tom! such a sacrifice! It is unaccountable how he can like +her. For the matter of that, they never _will_ believe he does, (and +they might add, he shan't if we can help it.) And so, when they see +him, they inquire with a churchyard air, "Is he well?" "Is anything +the matter?" "Ah, you needn't tell us; _we_ know how it is; poor +Tom--we know you _try_ to bear up under it. Come and see _us_. We will +love you. You never will find _us_ changed." + +No. That's the worst of it! No hope of their changing. Bless their +souls! How lucky "Tom" has somebody to tell him what a "sacrifice he +has made," or he never would find it out! Well, it is astonishing that +such people don't see that this is the last way to convince any person +with common sense, that they are better qualified to be installed +guardians of "Tom's" happiness than "_that woman_." + + * * * * * + +It is very strange that men, as a general thing, should be proud of +that, of which they should be ashamed, and ashamed of that, which +ennobles them. Now, to my eye, a man never looks so grand, as when he +bends his ear patiently and lovingly, to the lisping of a little +child. I admire that man whom I see with a baby in his arms. I +delight, on Sunday, when the nurses are set free, to see the fathers +leading out their little ones in their best attire, and setting them +right end up, about fifty times a minute. It is as good a means of +grace as I am acquainted with. Now that a man should feel ashamed to +be seen doing this, or think it necessary to apologize, even +jocularly, when he meets a male friend, is to me one of the +unaccountable things. It seems to me every way such a lovely, and +good, and proper action in a father, that I can't help thinking that +he who would feel otherwise, is of so coarse and ignoble a nature, as +to be quite unworthy of respect. How many times I have turned to look +at the clumsy smoothing of a child's dress, or settling of its hat, +or bonnet, by the unpractised fingers of a proud father. And the +clumsier he was about it, the better I have loved him for the pains he +took. It is very beautiful to me, this self-abnegation, which creeps +so gradually over a young father. He is himself so unconscious that +he, who had for many years thought first and only of his own selfish +ease and wants, is forgetting himself entirely whenever that little +creature, with _his_ eyes and _its mother's lips_, reaches out coaxing +hands to go here or there, or to look at this or that pretty object. +Ah, what but this heavenly love, could bridge over the anxious days +and nights, of care and sickness, that these twain of one flesh are +called to bear? _My_ boy! _My_ girl! There it is! _Mine!_ Something to +live for--something to work for--_something to come home to_; and that +last is the summing up of the whole matter. "Now let us have a good +love," said a little three-year older, as she clasped her chubby arms +about her father's neck when he came in at night "Now let us have a +good love." Do you suppose that man walked with slow and laggard steps +from his store toward that bright face that had been peeping for an +hour from the nursery window to watch his coming? Do you suppose when +he got on all fours to "play elephant" with the child, that it even +crossed his mind that he had worked very hard all that day, or that he +was not at that minute "looking dignified?" Did he wish he had a +"club" where he could get away from home evenings, or was that "_good +love_" of the little creature on his back, with the laughing eyes and +the pearly teeth, and the warm clasp about his neck, which she was +squeezing to suffocation, sweeter and better than anything that this +world could give? + +_Something to come home to!_ That is what saves a man. Somebody there +to grieve if he is not true to himself. Somebody there to be sorry if +he is troubled or sick. Somebody there, with fingers like sunbeams, +gliding and brightening whatever they touch; and all for him. I look +at the business men of New York, at nightfall, coming swarming "up +town" from their stores and counting-rooms; and when I see them, as I +often do, stop and buy one of those tiny bouquets as they go, I smile +to myself; for although it is a little attention toward a wife, I know +how happy that rose with its two geranium leaves, and its sprig of +mignonette will make her. He thought of _her_ coming home! Foolish, do +you call it? Such folly makes all the difference between stepping off, +scarcely conscious of the cares a woman carries, or staggering wearily +along till she faints disheartened under their burthen. _Something to +go home to!_ That man felt it, and by ever so slight a token wished to +recognize it. God bless him, I say, and all like him, who do not take +home-comforts as stereotyped matters of course, and God bless the +family estate; I can't see that anything better has been devised by +the wiseacres who have experimented on the Almighty's plans. "There +comes _my_ father!" exclaims Johnny, bounding from out a group of +"fellows" with whom he was playing ball; and sliding his little soiled +fist in his, they go up the steps and into the house together; and +again God bless them! I say there's one man who is all right at least. +That boy has got him, safer than Fort Lafeyette. + + * * * * * + +If there is an experiment which is worse than any other for a young +married couple to make, we believe it to be that of trying to make a +home in a hotel. What possible chance has a young wife there to +acquire domestic habits? To do anything, in short, but dress half a +dozen times a day, and sit in the public parlor, or her own, to gossip +with idle women or bandy compliments with idle men. And how--I ask any +thinking person--can a young married woman be fitted for quiet +home-cares and duties, after a year or two of such idleness and +vacuity; Let no young husband expect any favorable result from such an +experiment. Better a house with only _one_ room, in a quiet place by +yourselves--than such a hollow, shallow life as this. Many a husband +has dated from it the loss of all quiet, home happiness; lucky for +him, if no more. _Go to housekeeping_; unambitiously if need be--as +the old folks did before you. But have a place sacred to +yourselves--have a place which your children in after years will love +to think of as home. Do it for their sakes if not for your own. No +sight is sadder than that of a weary little one--wandering up and +down the entries and halls of a large hotel, peeping into parlors, +offices and bar-rooms--listening to what childhood should never hear, +and with no alternative but the small, dreary nursery, whose +only-window prospect, nine times in ten, is a stack of brick chimneys +or a back-shed full of flapping clothes hung out to dry. A father +should hesitate long before he dooms a young child to such a "home" as +this. + + * * * * * + +As to women, men are apt to think, and fall into innumerable blunders +by so thinking, that because they know one woman they know all; when, +in fact, each woman is as much of a study as if he had never seen one +of the sex. Bulwer doubts whether man _ever_ thoroughly understood +woman. Truly, how should he? when woman does not understand herself; +nor can tell why she lives on patiently, hopefully, year after year, +with a brute, whose favorite pastime consists in attempts to break her +neck every time things go wrong with him, indoors or out. That the +better educated husband murders with sharp words instead of sharp +blows, makes it none the less murder. The only difference is in the +duration of the misery, one being as deadly as the other. Who cares to +understand how a woman with bruised heart and flesh can throw over +both the charitable mantle that, "he wasn't himself;" and beg off the +offender from merited punishment, public or private. Let us rather +seek to understand how man, who should be so strong, should fall so +immeasurably below his "weaker" self, in the difficult lesson of +self-control and forgiveness of injuries. + + * * * * * + +Some men profess to dislike coquetry; if so, why do they encourage it? +Why do they often leave a sensible, well-informed woman to play +"wall-flower," while they talk nonsense to some brainless doll, who +can only ogle, sigh and simper? It appears to us that men are to blame +for most of the faults of women. We always regret to hear a man who +has matrimonial views say of a girl, she don't know much, but she is +amiable, has a pretty face, and after all, if I need society, it is +easy enough to find it elsewhere. A man has no right to marry a woman +with intentions so widely diverse from those he professes to +entertain, when he vows to be a husband; he is responsibly blameworthy +for the consequences that result from such an act; besides, it is a +very mistaken notion some men seem to have, that a fool is easily +managed; there is no description of animal so difficult to govern; +what they lack in brains they are sure to make up in obstinacy, or a +low kind of cunning. Then a pretty face cannot last forever, and the +old age of a brainless beauty, we shudder to contemplate, even at a +distance. Women aim to be what men oftenest like to see them; you may, +therefore, easily gauge the masculine standard by the majority of +women one daily meets. Heaven pity the exceptions! they must find +_their_ mates in another world than this. + + * * * * * + +One of the meanest things a young man can do, and it is not at all of +uncommon occurrence, is to monopolize the time, and attention, of a +young girl for a year, or more, without any definite object, and to +the exclusion of other gentlemen, who, supposing him to have +matrimonial intentions, absent themselves from her society. This +selfish "dog-in-the-manger" way of proceeding should be +discountenanced and forbidden, by all parents and guardians. + +It prevents the reception of eligible offers of marriage, and fastens +upon the young lady, when the acquaintance is finally dissolved, the +unenviable and _unmerited_ appellation of "flirt." Young man, let all +your dealings with women, be frank, honest and noble. That many whose +education and position in life are culpably criminal on these points, +is no excuse for your short-comings. It adds a blacker dye to your +meanness, that woman is often wronged through her holiest feelings. +One rule is always safe: _Treat every woman you meet, as you would +wish another man to treat your innocent, confiding sister._ + + * * * * * + +After all, how any young fellow can have the face to walk into your +family, and deliberately ask for one of your daughters, astonishes +me. That it is done every day, does not lessen my amazement at the +sublime impudence of the thing. There you have been, sixteen, or +seventeen, or eighteen years of her life, combing her hair, and +washing her face for----_him_. It is lucky the thought never strikes +you while you are doing it, that this is to be the end of it all. What +if you _were_ married yourself? that is no reason why she should be +bewitched away into a separate establishment, just as you begin to +lean upon her, and be proud of her; or, at least, it stands to reason, +that after you have worried her through the measles, and chicken-pox, +and scarlet-fever, and whooping-cough, and had her properly baptized +and vaccinated, this young man might give you a short breathing-spell +before she goes. + +_He_ seems to be of a different opinion; _he_ not only insists upon +taking her, but upon taking her immediately. He talks well about +it--very well; you have no objection to him, not the least in the +world except that. When the world is full of girls, why couldn't he +have fixed his eye on the daughter of somebody else? There are some +parents who are glad to be rid of their daughters. Blue eyes are as +plenty as blueberries; why need it be this particular pair? Isn't she +happy enough as she is? Don't she have meat and bread and clothes +enough, to say nothing of love? What is the use of leaving a certainty +for an uncertainty, when that certainty is a mother, and you can never +have but one? You put all these questions to her, and she has the +sauciness to ask, if that is the way you reasoned, when her father +came for you. You disdain to answer, of course; it is a mean dodging +of the question. But she gets round you for all that, and so does he +too, though you try your best not to like him; and with a--"well, if I +must, I must," you just order her wedding-clothes, muttering to +yourself the while,--"dear--dear--what sort of a fist will that child +make at the head of a house? how will she ever know what to do in +this, that, or the other emergency"--she who is calling on "mother" +fifty times a day to settle every trifling question? What folly for +her to set up house for herself! How many mothers have had these +foreboding thoughts over a daughter's wedding-clothes; and yet that +daughter has met life, and its unexpected reverses, with a heroism and +courage as undaunted as if every girlish tear had not been kissed away +by lips, that alas! may be dust, when this baptism of womanhood comes +upon her. + + * * * * * + +In my opinion, the "coming" woman's Alpha and Omega will not be +matrimony. She will not of necessity sour into a pink-nosed old maid, +or throw herself at any rickety old shell of humanity, whose clothes +are as much out of repair as his morals. No, the future man will have +to "step lively;" this wife is not to be had for the whistling. He +will have a long canter round the pasture for her, and then she will +leap the fence and leave him limping on the ground. Thick-soled boots +and skating are coming in, and "nerves," novels and sentiment (by +consequence) are going out. The coming woman, as I see her, is not to +throw aside her needle; neither is she to sit embroidering worsted +dogs and cats, or singing doubtful love ditties, and rolling up her +eyes to "the chaste moon." + +Heaven forbid she should stamp round with a cigar in her mouth, +elbowing her neighbors, and puffing smoke in their faces; or stand on +the free-love platform, _public or private_--_call it by what specious +name you will_--wooing men who, low as they may have sunk in their own +self-respect, would die before they would introduce her to the +unsullied sister who shared their cradle. + +Heaven forbid the coming woman should not have warm blood in her +veins, quick to rush to her cheek, or tingle at her fingers' ends when +her heart is astir. No, the coming woman shall be no cold, angular, +flat-chested, narrow-shouldered, sharp-visaged Betsey, but she shall +be a bright-eyed, full-chested, broad-shouldered, large-souled, +intellectual being; able to walk, able to eat, able to fulfill her +maternal destiny, and able--if it so please God--to go to her grave +happy, self-poised and serene, though unwedded. + + * * * * * + +We often think of the solitariness and isolation of the young man--a +stranger in a crowded city; suddenly cut adrift, perhaps from loving +home influences--finding an inexorable necessity in his nature for +sympathy and companionship--returning at night, when his day's toil is +done, to his dreary, cell-like room, or, if he go out, solicited by +myriad treacherous voices to unlearn the holy lessons taught at his +mother's knee--solicited to show his "manliness" by drinking with +every acquaintance that chance or the devil may send. That youth must +needs be strongly intrenched in the _true_ idea of "manliness" not to +waver and turn aside from his own independent course of well-doing. +Alas! that to so many the fear of ridicule, or dread of "oddity," +should have power to draw a veil over the swift and sure downfall of +the drunkard or profligate. Alas! that the little word _No_ should be +so impossible of articulation--in a circle, too, whose sneering +condemnation of it were not worth a thought, no matter how brilliantly +the jest or the song may issue from lips foul with the sophistry of +"free-love;" than which _freedom_ nothing is more shackled with +disgust and pain; for try as we will, God's image, though marred, +shall never be wholly effaced: enough shall be left in every man's and +woman's soul to protest against such desecration, though it voice +itself, as it often does, in bitter denunciation of what the soul +knows to be its only true happiness. The holy stars make no record of +the gasping sigh, brief but intense, that their purity has evoked. +The little bird trills out its matins, and vespers, all unconscious +that their sweetness forces the unwelcome tear from some world-sated +eye. Bless God, these moments will and do come to the most +reckless--these swift heralds of our immortality--to be silenced never +in this world; if disregarded, to be mourned over forever in the next; +for the fiercest theologian's idea of "hell" can never, it seems to +me, go beyond the consciousness of god-like powers wasted and +debased--noble opportunities of benefiting our race defiling past the +memory in mournful procession, and the sorrowing soul nerveless, +powerless to bid them stay. + +To every young man entering the lists against the vices of a crowded +city, at such fearful odds, we would say: cultivate an acquaintance, +as soon as possible, with some family, or families, whose healthful +influence may be your talisman against evil associations, whose good +opinion may give an impetus to your self-respect, and whose cheerful +fireside may outshine the ignis-fatuus lights which dazzle but to +mislead. To those who see difficulties or impossibilities in this, we +would suggest the cultivation of a taste for reading, which surely may +be compassed in a city, even by a young person of slender means. Good +books are safe, pleasant and economical company. The time spent with +them is an investment which will not fail to yield a satisfying +interest for all future time. Let those who will--and their name, we +fear, is legion--wreck health and reputation, for the lack of courage +or desire to be true to their better feelings; let those who will, +cover their inclination to do evil with the transparent excuse "that +it is well to see life in all its phases." As well might a perfectly +healthy person _from mere curiosity_ breathe the tainted air of every +pest-house in the country. No thanks are due to his fool-hardy +temerity if he escape; "served him right!" would be the unanimous +verdict of common sense if he should not. + +To him who, eschewing such unwisdom, chooses to breathe a healthful, +moral atmosphere, it may be a reflection worth having, that he will +bring to his future home a constitution and principles as sound as +those he so properly requires in the wife of his choice and the mother +of his children; and I confess myself unable to see why this should be +more necessary in the case of one parent than in that of the other. +_Such men, and such only, have a call to be husbands._ + + + + +_A CHAPTER ON MEN._ + + +What constitutes a handsome man? Well--there must be enough of him; +or, failing in that, but, come to think of it, he _mustn't_ fail in +that, because there can be no beauty without health, or at least, +according to my way of thinking. In the second place, he must have a +beard; whiskers--as the gods please, but a beard I insist upon, else +one might as well look at a girl. Let his voice have a dash of +Niagara, with the music of a baby's laugh in it. Let his smile be like +the breaking forth of the sunshine on a spring morning. As to his +figure, it should be strong enough to contend with a man, and slight +enough to tremble in the presence of the woman he loves. Of course, if +he is a well made man, it follows that he must be graceful, on the +principle that perfect machinery always moves harmoniously; therefore +you and himself and the milk pitcher, are safe elbow neighbors at the +tea-table. _This_ style of handsome man would no more think of +carrying a cane, than he would use a parasol to keep the sun out of +his eyes. He can wear gloves, or warm his hands in his breast pockets, +as he pleases. He can even commit the suicidal-beauty-act of turning +his outside coat-collar up over his ears of a stormy day, with +perfect impunity;--_the tailor didn't make him_, and as to his hatter, +if he depended on this handsome man's patronage of the "latest spring +style," I fear he would die of hope deferred; and yet--by Apollo! what +a bow he makes, and what an expressive adieu he can wave with his +head! For all this he is not conceited--for he hath _brains_. + +But your conventional "handsome man," of the +barber's-window-wax-figure-head-pattern; with a pet lock in the middle +of his forehead, an apple-sized head, and a raspberry moustache with +six hairs in it; a pink spot in its cheek, and a little dot of a +"goatee" on its cunning little chin; with pretty blinking little studs +in its shirt bosom, and a neck-tie that looks as if he would faint +were it tumbled, I'd as lief look at a poodle. I always feel a desire +to nip it up with a pair of sugar-tongs, drop it gently into a bowl of +cream, and strew pink rose-leaves over its little remains. + +After all, when _soul_ magnetizes _soul_, the question of beauty is a +dead letter. _Whom one loves is always handsome_, the world's +arbitrary rules notwithstanding; therefore when you say "what _can_ +the handsome Mr. Smith see to admire in that stick of a Miss Jones?" +or, "what _can_ the pretty Miss T. see to like in that homely Mr. +Johns?" you simply talk nonsense--as you generally do, on such +subjects. Still the parson gets his fees, and the census goes on all +the same. + +I wonder why people decry a masculine blush: I don't know. I +immediately love the man who blushes. I am sure that he is +unhackneyed; that he has not a set of meaningless, cut and dried +compliments on hand, for every woman he meets; that he has not learned +to sniff at sacred things, or prate transcendentally about +"affinities" or any other corruption under a new-fangled name. I know +that his love will be worth a pure woman's having; that he will not be +ashamed of liking home, or his baby, or laughed out of staying in it +in preference to any other place. I know that when he stops at a +hotel, his _first_ business will not be to hold a private conference +with the cook, to tell him how he likes an omelette made. I know that +in his conversation he will not pride himself upon the small fopperies +of talk, in the way of pronunciation and newly coined words, to show +how well he is posted up in dictionary matters. I know that he will +not be closeted two thirds of his time with his tailor; or think it +fine to be continually quoting some dead-and-gone book, known only to +some resurrectionist of scarce authors. I know he will not sit in +grimstarched statuesqueness in a car, when a woman old enough to be +his mother, is standing wearily in front of him, swaying to and fro +with the motion of the vehicle. In short, I know that he is not a +petrifaction; that there's human nature in him, _and plenty of it_; +that he is not like an animal under an exhausted receiver, having +form only--in whom there is no spring, nor elasticity, nor breath of +life. + +A fool, hey? No, sir--not necessarily a fool neither. _The fool is he +who, not yet at life's meridian, has exhausted it and himself_; who +thinks every man "green" who has not taken his diploma in wickedness. +For whom existence is as weary as a thrice-told tale. Who has crowded +four-score years into twenty, or less; and has nothing left for it but +to sneer at the healthy, simple, pure, fresh joys which may never come +again to his vitiated palate. + +Very likely you have met him: this _blasé_ man, who, though yet at +life's meridian, has squeezed life as dry as an orange. Who has seen +everything, heard everything, ate everything, drank everything, +traveled everywhere, but into his own heart, to see its utter +selfishness. Who is willing, upon the whole, to tolerate his +fellow-creatures, provided they don't speak to him when he wants to be +silent, or annoy him by peculiarities of dress, manner and +conversation. Who remains immovably grave when everybody else laughs, +and smiles when everybody else looks grave; who lifts his eyebrows and +shrugs his shoulders dissentingly, when people who have not like him +"been abroad," applaud. Who talks knowingly and mystically of "art," +and thinks it fine to showerbath everybody's enthusiasm with +"to-l-e-r-a-b-l-e." Who goes to church occasionally, but owing to the +prevalence of badly-fitting coats and vests in the assembly, is unable +to attend to the service; who don't care much what a man's creed is, +provided he only takes it mild. He likes to see a woman plump and +well-made, but abhors the idea of her eating; likes to see her rosy, +but can't abide an india-rubber on her foot, even in the most +consumptive-breeding weather; thinks it would be well were she +domestic when he considers his tea and coffee, but don't believe in +aprons and calico. Thinks she should be religious, because it would be +a check-rein upon her tongue when his liver is out of order; and keep +her true to him when he leaves her with all her yearning affections, +to take care of herself. + +And so our _blasé_ man yawns away existence, everything outward and +inward tending only to the great central I, when life might be _so_ +glorious, _so_ bright, would he only recognize the existence of +others. For how much is that education valuable, the result of which +is only this? For how much that refinement which lifts a man so high +in the clouds, that no cry of humanity, be it ever so sharp and +piercing, can reach him? I turn away from his face, on which ennui and +selfishness have ploughed such furrows of discontent, to the laborer +in his red flannel shirt-sleeves, who, returning at sunset, +dinner-pail in hand, has well earned the right to clasp in his arms +the little child who runs to meet him. He may be illiterate, he may be +uneducated, but he is a _man_; and by that beautiful retributive law +of our being, by which the most useful and unselfish shall be the +healthiest, and happiest, he has his reward. + + + + +_LITERARY PEOPLE._ + + +The verdant have an idea, that literary people are always under the +influence of "the divine afflatus;" but, like the curious female who +gazed through the bars of the doomed man's cell to gloat over his +situation, and was told by her victim, that, although the gallows was +impending, "he couldn't cry all the time," they are doomed to +disappointment. + +When a literary person's exhaustive work is over, the last thing he +wishes to do is to _talk book_. The last person he wishes to meet is +another unfortunate, who also has been cudgelling his brains for +ideas. The person whom he wishes to see most, if, indeed, he desire to +see anybody, is one who will stir up his mentality least. The +laurel-wreath, which the verdant suppose he settles carefully and +becomingly on his head, before the looking-glass, ere he goes forth, +he would be glad to toss into the first ash-barrel; and, so far from +desiring to regulate his personal appearance, according to the +programme marked out by the sentimental, he feels only an insane +desire to be let severely alone, and "let _Natur_ caper," if, indeed, +she has not forgotten how. + +He wants--this wise man--to hear some merry little child sing: + + "Hickory, dickory, dock, + The mouse ran up the clock; + The clock struck one, + And down he ran: + Hickory, dickory, dock." + +Or he wants to lean over a fence and see the turnips grow. It rests +him to think that the fat, lazy pigs never think, but lie winking +their pink eyes forever at the sun. In short, as I told you, he wants +just the antipodes of himself. + +The sentimental will perceive, from this, the small chance they stand +for edification, or amusement, from "literary people" when off duty. +Blithe ladies will see, how very jolly it must be to marry a poet or +an author. But what shall we say of "the situation" when a literary +man and a literary woman are yoked? When the world abroad demands the +best of each, and nothing is left for home consumption? When, instead +of writing sonnets to each other, and looking at the chaste moon in +their leisure moments, as the sentimental have arranged it, they are +too used up to do anything but gape? When a change of programme would +not only be a blessing, but absolutely necessary, to stave off a +Coroner's Inquest? When the sight of a book to either, is like water +to a mad dog: particularly the sight of their own books, which +represent such an amount of headache, and bother, and sleepless +nights, to enable a critic to notice _only_ a printer's mistake in a +date, which is generally set down to the author's "want of knowledge +of his subject?" When they wonder, in the rasped state of their +nerves, what life is worth, if it is to be forever pitched up to that +key? When they can't open their mouths on any subject, without +perversely saying everything they _don't_ mean, and nothing that they +_do_? + +Ah! then is the time for them to catch sight of that athlete--the +day-laborer, in red flannel shirt-sleeves, whistling along home with +his tools. Do you hear? _Tools!_ Happy man! He won't have to +manufacture _his_ tools before he begins to-morrow's work. He can +pound away all day, and sing the while, and no organ-grinder has power +to drive him mad. + + * * * * * + +It is a difficult thing for literary people, as well as others, to +tell the truth sometimes. Now here is a letter containing an article +by which the writer hopes to make money; and of which my "candid +opinion is asked, as soon as convenient." + +Now in the first place, the article is most illegibly written; an +objection sufficient to condemn it at once, with a hurried editor--and +all editors are hurried--beside having always a bushel basket full of +MSS. already in hand to look over. In the second place, the spelling +is wofully at fault. In the third place, the punctuation is altogether +missing. In the fourth place, if all these things were amended, the +article itself is tame, common-place, and badly expressed. Now that +is my "candid opinion" of it. + +Still, I am not verdant enough to believe that the writer wished my +"candid opinion" were it so condemnatory as this; and should I give +it, there is great danger it would be misconstrued. The author, in his +wounded self-love, might say, that, being a writer myself, I was not +disposed to be impartial. Or he might go farther and say that I had +probably forgotten the time when _I_ commenced writing, and longed for +an appreciative or encouraging word myself. Now this would pain me +very much; it would also be very unjust; because when I began to write +I called that person my best and truest friend who dared tell me when +I was at fault in such matters. I have now in my remembrance a +stranger, who often wrote me, regarding my articles, as they appeared +from time to time; who criticised them unsparingly; finding fault in +the plainest Saxon when he could not approve or praise. I thanked him +then, I do so now; and was gratified at the singular interest he +manifested in one unknown to him. I have never seen him all these +years of my literary effort; but I know him to have been more truly my +friend than they who would flatter me into believing better of what +talent I may possess than it really merits. + +This is the way I felt about friendly though unfavorable criticism. +The question is, have _I_ sufficient courage to risk being +misunderstood, should _I_, in this instance, speak honestly and +plainly. Or shall I write a very polite, non-committal answer, +meaning anything, or nothing. Or shall I praise it unqualifiedly, and +recommend the writer to persevere in a vocation in which I am sure he +is certain to be doomed to disappointment; and all for the sake of +being thought a generous, genial, kindly, sympathetic sort of person. + +_Which shall I do?_ + +The writer would not like to descend from his pedestal, and hear that +he must begin at the foot of the ladder, and first of all, learn to +spell correctly, before he can write. And that after words, must come +thoughts; and that after thoughts, must come the felicitous expression +of thoughts. And that, after all that, he must then look about for a +market for the same. + +This, you see, is a tedious process to one who wants not only +immediate but _large_ pecuniary results, and evidently considers +himself entitled to them, notwithstanding his deference to your +"candid opinion." + +But what a pleasure, when the person appealed to, can conscientiously +say to a writer, that he has not _over_ but _under_-rated his gifts! +What a pleasure, if one's opinion can be of any value to him, to be +able to speak encouragingly of the present, and hopefully for the +future. And surely, he who has himself waded through this initiatory +"Slough of Despond," and, by one chance in a thousand, landed safely +on the other side, should be the last to beckon, or lure into it, +those whose careless steps, struggle they ever so blindly, may never +find sure or permanent foot-hold. + +"What did I do, after all, about _that letter_?" Well, if you insist +upon cornering me, it lies unanswered on my desk, this minute: a +staring monument of the moral cowardice of FANNY FERN. + + + + +_SOME VARIETIES OF WOMEN._ + + +Chief of all sublunary abominations is the slatternly woman. I blame +no man for longing to rush from a house, the mistress of which, +habitually, and from choice, pays him the poor compliment of pouring +out his coffee in curl-papers, or tumbled hair, or dingy, collarless +morning gown, and slip-shod feet. If there is a time when a pretty +woman looks prettier than at any hour in the twenty-four, it is in a +neat breakfast toilette, with her shining bands of hair, and nice +breakfast robe, (calico, if you like, provided it fit well, and the +color be well chosen); and if there is a time when a plain woman comes +the nearest to being handsome, it is in this same lovable, domestic +dress. + +I will maintain that the coffee and eggs taste better, and that the +husband goes more smilingly and hopefully to his day's task, after +helping such a wife to bread and butter. I could never comprehend the +female slattern--thank heaven there are few of them--or understand how +a woman, though she had no eye to please but her own, should not be +scrupulously neat in all the different strata of her apparel. + +I repeat it, I blame no man from rushing in disgust from a house whose +mistress is a slattern; who never pays her husband the compliment to +look decent in her person or in her house, unless company is expected; +who reserves her yawns and old dresses for her husband, and strikes an +attitude for his male friends; whose pretty carpets are defaced with +spots; whose chairs are half dusted; whose domestic dinners are +uneatable; whose table-cloth, castors, and salt-cellars are seldom +regenerated; and whose muslins look as if they had been dipped in +saffron. + +Not to speak of the _wastefulness_ of this crying fault: bonnets, +shawls and cloaks will not long retain their beauty if left on chairs +or tables over night, instead of being carefully put away; bracelets +and brooches are not improved by being trodden upon, or ribbons and +laces by being hastily wisped into a corner. To such an extreme do I +carry my horror of an untidy woman, that I would almost refuse to +believe in the virtue of such an one. Not that I admire the woman who +is always at her husband's heels with a brush and a dust-pan; who puts +him under the harrow if he does not place his boots under the scraper +before entering the parlor; who has fits if his coat is not hung up on +the left side of the door instead of the right; who when he has but +ten minutes to spare after breakfast to enjoy the morning paper, +drives him out of his comfortable corner by the fire, to brush up a +spoonful of ashes on the hearth; who is always "righting," as she +calls it, his own particular den, which I am convinced all husbands +must be allowed to enjoy, neck deep in confusion unmolested, if their +wives wish the roof to stay on. + +I once had the misfortune to live in the house with such a female, +whose husband roosted half his in-door time on the top of the table, +to keep clear of the mop. How her cap-strings flew through the doors; +what galvanized broomsticks she wielded; how remorselessly she +ferreted out closets, and disembowelled cupboards; how horribly she +scraped glass and paint; and how anxious she looked to begin again +when it was all done. How I slunk behind doors, and dodged behind +screens, and jumped out of windows, to get out of the vixen's way; and +how I sat swinging in the elm tree in the orchard at a safe distance +till the whirlwind was past. + +Heavens; how that india-rubber woman would go to baking after she had +done cleaning, and to ironing after she had done baking, and to sewing +after she had done both; how vindictively she twitched her needle +through, as if she wished it were some live thing, that she might make +it feel weariness and pain. How like whipped spaniels her children +looked; and what a reverence they had for washing and ironing days; +how remorselessly she scrubbed their noses up and down of a Sunday +morning, and shoved them into their "meetin clothes," turning the +pockets carefully inside out, to see that no stray bit of string, or +carnal marble, or fish-hook remained, to alleviate the torture of the +long-drawn seventeenthlies of the parson's impracticable discourse. + +Still this female gave her husband light bread to eat; his coffee and +tea were always strong and hot; he might have shaved himself by the +polish of the parlor table; his buttons were on his shirts, and his +stockings always mended; but the man--and he was human--might as well +have laid his night-cap beside a sewing-machine. And oh, the weary +details of roasting, baking and broiling to which he was compelled to +listen and approve between the pauses. The messes, which in any other +female hands but hers, would inevitably have stewed over or burnt up +or evaporated. The treasure he had in her, culinarily and pecuniarily, +though he didn't know it! + +What I want to know is this: + +Must a model housekeeper always have thin lips, thick ankles, a +bolster-figure, and a fist like an overgrown beet? Need she take hold +of her children as if total depravity were bristling out of every hair +of their heads? Need the unhappy cat always take its tail under its +arm and creep into the ash-hole whenever she looks at it? _Is_ a sweet +temper foreordained to be incompatible with sweet cupboards? Would it +be unchristian to strangle such women with their own garters? + +I pause for a reply. + + * * * * * + +I don't like to admit it, but there are two things a woman can't do. +First, she _can't sharpen a lead pencil_. Give her one and see. Mark +how jaggedly she hacks away every particle of wood from the lead, +leaving a spike of the latter, which breaks as soon as you try to use +it. You can almost forgive the male creature his compassionate +contempt, as chucking her under the chin, he twitches it from her +awkward little paw, and rounds, and tapers it off in the most +ravishing manner, for durable use. * * * * * * * + + +Last week a philanthropist (need I say a _male_ philanthropist) knowing +my weakness, presented me with a two-cent-sharp-pointed-lead-pencil. My +dreams that night were peaceful. I awoke like a strong-minded woman to +run a race. I sat down to my desk. I might have known it; "I never +loved a tree or flower," etc. Some fiend had "borrowed" it. Oh the +misery that may be contained in that word "borrowed." When you are in a +hurry; when the "devil" is waiting in the basement, stamping his feet +to get back to the printing-office; when you've nothing but a miserable +little "chunky"-old-worn-out-stub of an inch long lead pencil to make +your "stet"-s and "d"-s. Shade of Ben Franklin! _shall_ I, before I +"shuffle off this mortal coil"--though I don't know what _that_ +is,--ever own another two-cent sharp-pointed-lead-pencil? + +I have said that there are two things a woman can't do. I have +mentioned one. I wish to hear no argument on _that point_, because +when I once make up my mind "all the king's men" can't change it. +Well, then--Secondly: A woman can't do up a bundle. She takes a whole +newspaper to wrap up a paper of pins, and a coil of rope to tie it, +and then it comes unfastened. When I go shopping, which it is +sometimes my hard lot to do, I look with the fascinated gaze of a bird +in the neighborhood of a magnetic serpent, to watch clerks doing up +bundles. How the paper falls into just the right creases! how deftly +they turn it over, and tuck it under, and tie it up, and then throw it +down on the counter, as if they had done the most common-place thing +in the world, instead of a deed which might--and, faith, _does_--task +the ingenuity of "angels!" It is perfectly astonishing! It repays me +for all my botheration in matching this color and deciding on that, in +hearing them call a piece of tape "a _chaste_ article," and for +sitting on those revolving stools fastened down so near the counter, +that it takes a peculiarly constructed shopper to stay on one of them. + +Thirdly--I might allude to the fact that women cannot carry an +umbrella; or rather to the very peculiar manner in which they perform +that duty; but I won't. I scorn to turn traitor to a sex who, whatever +may be their faults,--are always loyal to each other.--So I shall not +say, as I might otherwise have said, that when they unfurl the +parachute alluded to, they put it right down over their noses,--take +the middle of the sidewalk, raking off men's hats and woman's bonnets, +as they go, and walking right into the breakfast of some unfortunate +wight, with that total disregard of the consequent _gasp_, which to be +understood must be _felt_, as the offender cocks up one corner of the +parachute, and looks defiantly at the victim who has had the +effrontery to come into the world and hazard the whalebone and handle +of _her_ "umberil!" No, I won't speak of anything of the kind; +besides, has not a celebrated writer remarked, that when dear "woman +is cross, it is only because she is _sick_?" Let us hope he is right. +We all know that is not the cause of a MAN'S crossness. _Give him his +favorite dish, and you may dine off him afterward--if you want to._ + +Amiable creatures are the majority of women--to each other; +charitable--above all things _charitable_! Always ready to acknowledge +each other's beauty, or grace, or talent. Never sneer down a sister +woman, or pay her a patronizing compliment with the finale of the +inevitable--"_but_." Never run the cool, impertinent eye of +calculation over her dress, noting the cost of each article, and +summing up the amount in a contemptuous toss, whether it amounts to +fifty cents or five hundred dollars, more likely when it is the +latter! Never say to a gentleman who praises a lady, what a pity she +squints! Never say of an authoress, oh yes--she has talent, but _I_ +prefer the domestic virtues; as if a combination of the two were +necessarily impossible, or as if the speaker had the personal +knowledge which qualified her to pronounce on that individual case. + +Well-bred, too, are women to sister woman.--Never discuss the color of +her hair, or the style of its arrangement, her smile, her gait, so +that she can hear every word of it. Never take it for granted that she +is making a dead-set at a man, to whom she is only replying--"Very +well, I thank you, sir." Never sit in church and stare her out of +countenance, while mentally taking her measure, or nudge some one to +look at her, while recapitulating within ear-shot all the contemptible +gossip which weak-minded, empty-headed women are so fond of retailing. + +Now just let a dear woman visit you. Don't you _know_ that her eyes +are peering into every corner and crevice of your house all the while +she is "_dear_"-ing and "_sweet_"-ing you? Don't you know that her +lynx eyes are on the carpet for possible spots, or mismatched roses? +Don't she touch her fingers to the furniture for stray particles of +dust? Don't she hold her tumblers up to the light, and examine +microscopically the quality of your table-cloths and napkins, and +improvise an errand into your kitchen to inspect your culinary +arrangements, to the infinite disgust of Bridget? Don't she follow you +like a spectre all over the house, till you are as nervous as a cat in +a cupboard? Don't she sit down opposite you for dreary hours, with +folded hands, and that horse-leech--"now-talk-to-me" air--which +quenches all your vitality--and sets you gaping, as inevitably as a +minister's "_seventeenthly_." + +Ah, the children! How could I forget the little children? _I clasp the +hand of universal woman on that_; Heaven knows I don't want to +misrepresent them. And after all, do I ever allow anybody to abuse +them but me? Never! + + * * * * * + +There are many kinds of women. Of course I adore them all; but there +is one who excites my unfeigned astonishment. I allude to the rabbit +woman. She has four chins and twelve babies. She has two dresses--a +loose calico wrapper for home wear, and a black silk for "meetin'." +She eats tremendously, and never goes out; she calls her husband "Pa." +She is quite content to roll leisurely from her rocking-chair in the +nursery to the dining-room table, and thence back again, year in and +year out. She knows nothing that is passing in the outside world, nor +cares. She never touches a book or a newspaper, not even when she is +rocking her baby to sleep, and might. She never troubles herself about +Pa, so long as he don't get in her way, or sit on the twelve babies. +She has a particular fondness for the child who cries the most, and +won't go to sleep without a stick of candy in each fist. She has a +voice like an auctioneer, and prefers cabbage to any vegetable extant. + +"Pa" is devoted to her, _i. e._, he calls her My dear, and as soon as +he enters the house, before hanging up his hat, kisses all the twelve +children immediately, whether dirty or clean, and inquires tenderly +after her health: keeps her stupid on a full diet, and flirts +desperately, at a safe distance, behind her back. + +Secondly, there is the _prim_ woman, with her mouth always in a +prepared state to whistle; who crosses over if she sees a man coming, +and tosses up the end of her shawl when she sits down, lest she should +crease it; who keeps her parasol in several layers of tissue-paper +when not on duty: puts her two shoes on the window-sill "to air" every +night, and suggests more indelicacy by constantly running away from +it, then she could ever find by the most zealous search. + +Thirdly, there is your butterfly woman, who, provided her wings are +gay and gauzy, is not particular where she alights. Who cannot exist +out of the sunbeams, and dreads a rainy day like an old gown. Who +values her male acquaintance according to their capabilities for +trotting her to balls, operas and parties, and giving her rings and +bouquets. Who spoils all the good looks she has, trying to make +herself "look better," and turns into a very ordinary caterpillar +after marriage. + +Fourthly, there is your library woman, steeped in folios; steeped in +languages, both living and dead; steeped in ologies, steeped in +politics; who walks round a baby as if it were a rattle-snake, and if +she was born with a heart, never has found it out. + +Fifthly, there is your female viper--your cat--your hyena. All claws, +nails and tongue. Wiry, bloodless, snappy, narrow, vindictive; +lapping up your life-blood with her slanders, and clawing out your +warm, palpitating heart. Out on her! + +Sixthly, there is your woman--pretty or plain, it matters not; +lady-like by nature; intelligent, but not pedantic; modest, yet not +prudish; strong-hearted, but not "strong-minded" (as that term is at +present perverted); no "scholar," and yet well read; no butterfly, and +yet bright and gay. Merry without noise, silent without stupidity, +religious without fanaticism, capable of an opinion, and yet able to +hold her tongue. If married, not of necessity sinking into a mere +machine; if unmarried, occupying herself with other things than +husband-hunting. Liking books, yet not despising needles and brooms; +genial, unaffected, good-natured; with an active brain, and a live +heart under lock and key. God bless her! wherever she is, for she +redeems all the rest. + + * * * * * + +Do you suppose that the woman ever lived who would _prefer_ single to +married life had she ever met with a man whom she could really love? I +have seen cold, intellectual women, _apparently_ self-poised and +self-sustained, gliding like the moon on their solitary path alone, +diffusing light, perhaps, but no warmth; to the superficial observer +looking as carelessly down upon joy as upon sorrow; but no power on +earth could persuade me, that beneath that smooth ice there smouldered +no volcano; no reasoning persuade me that those fingers would not +rather have been twisting a baby's soft curls, than turning the leaves +of musty folios; no negative shake of the head, or forced laugh, +prevent my eyes from following with sorrowful looks the woman who was +trying to make herself believe such a lie. Let her pile her books +shelf upon shelf, and scribble till her pen, ink, paper, thoughts, +eyes and candle give out;--and then let her turn round and face her +woman's heart if she dare! I defy her to stop long enough to listen +one half hour to its pleadings. I defy her to sit down in the still +moonlight and look on, while old memories in mournful procession +defile before her soul's mirror, without a smothered cry of anguish. I +defy her to listen to the brook's ripple, the whispered leaf-music, or +to look at the soft clouds, the quiet stars, the blossoming flowers, +the little pairing birds as they build their nests--and above all, +upon a mother with her babe's arms about her neck--without turning +soul-sick away. She is _not_ a woman if she can do otherwise. She is +not a woman if she can be satisfied with clasping her own arms over a +waist which belongs to nobody but herself. I declare her to be a +machine--a stick--and carved in straight instead of undulating lines; +she's an icicle--an ossification--a petrifaction--an abortion--a +monster--let her keep her stony eyes and cold fingers off me; she has +no place in this living, breathing, panting, loving world. Out upon +her for a walking mummy--leave her to her hieroglyphics, which are +beyond my understanding. + +Pshaw--there are no such women; they are only making the best of what +they can't help; they are eating their own hearts and make no sign +dying. They ought all to be wives and mothers. Cats, poodle-dogs, +parrots--plants, canaries and vestry meetings--are nothing to it. No +woman ever has the faintest glimpse into heaven till she has nursed +her own baby; in fact, I half doubt if she has earned a right to go +there till she has legitimately had one. + +Now were I an old maid--had no man endowed me with the names of wife +and mother, I would not go round the world whining about it, either in +prose or verse, any more than I would affect a stoicism, transparent +to every beholder; I would just adopt the first fat baby I could find, +though I had to work my fingers to the bone to keep its little mouth +filled. I _would_ have some motive to live--something to work +for--something, in flesh and blood, which I could call my own:--some +little live, warm thing to put my cheek against when my heart ached. +Unprotected!--"A little child" with its pure presence, should be my +protection. I _wouldn't_ dry up and blow off like a useless leaf, with +the warm, fragrant sunshine and blue sky about me, and my heart +beating against my breast like a trip-hammer. My little room +_shouldn't_ be cheerless and voiceless. I _wouldn't_ die till some +little voice had called me "mother," though my blood did not flow in +its rosy veins. I _would_ have something to make sunshine in my heart +and home; my nature shouldn't be like a tree growing close to a stone +wall, only one half of which had a chance to develop, only one half of +which caught the air and light and sunshine--no, I would tear myself +up by the roots, and turn round and replant myself. _Some_ bird should +come, make its home with me, and sing for me; else what use were my +sheltering leaves? Better the lightning should strike me, or the +woodman's axe cut me down. + + * * * * * + +Men who have any physical defect, are apt to imagine that it will +forever be a barrier between them and woman's love. There never was a +greater mistake than this, as has been proved again and again in +love's history. Not a hundred years since, nor a hundred miles +distant, we heard of a young girl who had become strongly attached to +a young man who was blind in one eye; _and for that very reason_! He +was sensitive about his infirmity to that degree, that he shrank from +general society, particularly that of ladies, whose presence seemed to +make him morbidly miserable; so much had he exaggerated what he was +quite unaware would call forth sympathy, instead of ridicule, from any +_true_ woman. The young girl, of whom we speak, knowing what we have +related about him, though personally a stranger to the young man, had +insensibly, through her pity, begun to love, and was then earnestly +seeking some way in which, without compromising her modesty, she could +encourage his notice of her. One thing you may always be sure of. No +woman is in love with a man whom she freely praises, and of whom she +oftenest speaks; but if there is one whom she _never_ names, if she +start and blush when others name him, if she can find no voice to +answer the most common-place question he addresses her, if she avoid +him, and will have none of him, if she pettishly find fault with him +when he is commended to her notice by others, look sharp, for that is +_the_ man. + + + + +_CONCERNING THE MISTAKES ABOUT OUR CHILDREN._ + + +I believe every one is of the opinion that children should be taught +civility; but there is one way that they are tortured, in the zealous +parental endeavor to teach them politeness, which seems to us +deserving of the severest reprehension. Some person comes to the +house, it may be a valued and worthy friend, who is unfortunately +repulsive in appearance and manners. Mamma tells Johnny to "go kiss" +the lady, or gentleman, as the case may be. Now Johnny, like other +human beings, has his personal preferences, and in a case like this +especially, prefers spontaneity. He may obey, it is true, but it is a +question when a simple recognition would have answered, whether an act +involving hypocrisy were not better omitted. I speak from experience, +remembering well the horror with which I looked forward, in my +childhood, to the periodical visits of a snuffy old person. I think my +uncompromising hatred of tobacco in every form, dates back to those +forced snuffy kisses, followed in many cases by actual nausea, and in +all by a vigorous facial ablution on my part, after the repulsive +ceremony. To this day, a colored silk handkerchief, of the antique +pattern most affected by snuff-takers, affects me as does the sight +of a red shawl, a belligerent rooster, or bull. + +That horrible colored silk handkerchief! preferred to a white one, for +a reason which makes one's flesh creep, and one's blood run cold, +fumbled ever and anon from the stifling depths of a huge pocket, and +flourished with its resurrectionized effluvia, under your disgusted +and averted nose. Excuse my speaking with feeling, dear reader, for +even in these later days have I sacrificed many a comfortable seat in +a public conveyance that those infatuated lovers of the weed in every +shape might have a wide berth for their noisome atmosphere. Now, to +force a little child, fresh and sweet, with a breath like a bunch of +spring violets, to contact with such impolite persons, for the sake of +"_politeness_" seems to me an act of tyranny worthy of Nero. + + * * * * * + +Some mothers seem unwilling to recognize a child's individuality. "She +is such a strange child--so different from other children," a mother +remarked in my hearing, with a sigh of discontent; as if all children +should be made after one model; as if one of the greatest charms of +life were not individuality; as if one of the dearest, and weariest, +and least improving, and most stagnating things in the world, were not +a family or neighborhood which was only a mutual echo and re-echo. + +"Different from other children!" Well--_let her be different_; you +can't help it if you would--you ought not if you could. It is not +your mission, or that of any parent, to crush out this or that +faculty, or bias, which is God-implanted for wise purposes. You are +only to modify and direct such by judicious counsel. A child who +thinks for itself, prefers waiting upon itself, and is naturally +self-sustained, is of course much more trouble than a heavy-headed +child, who "stays put" wherever and however you choose to "dump" him +down; but it is useless to ask which, with equally good training, will +be the most efficient worker in the great life-field. Suppose he +_does_ question your opinions occasionally, don't be in a hurry to +call it "impertinence;" don't be too lazy or too dignified to argue +the matter with him; thank God rather, that his faculties are wide +awake and active. Nor does it necessarily follow that such a child +must be contumacious or disobedient. Such a nature, however, should be +tenderly dealt with, Firm yet _gentle_ words--never injustice or harsh +usage. You may tell such a child to "hold its tongue" when it corners +you in an argument, often, without any intentional disrespect, but you +cannot prevent its thinking. It should not follow that a young person +must, as a matter of course, though they mostly do, adopt the parental +religious creed. Some parents I have known unwise enough to insist +upon this. A forced faith for the wear and tear of life's trials, is +but a broken reed to lean upon. On these subjects talk yourself; let +your child talk, and then let him, like yourself, be free to think and +choose, when this is done. + +Out of twenty violets in a garden, you shall not find any two alike, +but this does not displease you. One is a royal purple, another a +light lilac; one flecked with little bright golden spots, another +shaded off with different tints of the same violet color, with a +delicacy no artist could improve. You plant them, and let them all +grow and develop according to their nature, now and then plucking off +a dead leaf, now loosening the earth about the roots, or watering or +giving it shade or sunshine, as the case may be, but you don't try to +erase the delicate tints upon its leaves and substitute others which +you fancy are better. No human fingers could recreate what you would +mar--you know that; so you bend over it lovingly, and let it nod to +the breeze, and bend pliantly to the shower, or lift its sweet face, +when the sun shines out, and through all its various changes you do +not sigh for monotony. So, when I see a family of children, I like the +mother's blue eyes reproduced, and the father's black eyes. I like the +waving, sunny locks, and the light brown, and the raven; I like the +peach-blossom skin, and the gipsy olive, round the same hearthstone, +all rocked in the same cradle. Each is beautiful of its kind; the +variety pleases me. Just so I like diversity in regard to temperament +and mental faculties. Each have their merits; Heaven forbid they +should be rolled and swathed up like mental mummies, bolt upright, +rigid, and fearfully repeated; no collision of mind to strike out new +ideas, no progress, no improvement. Surely this is not the age for +that. + +A public toast recently given runs thus; "Our parents: the only +tenders who never misplaced a switch." + +Now you may laugh at that--so did I--but where could you find a +greater fib? Many a time and oft have parents laid the switch on their +children's backs, when they should have applied it to their own; many +a time has the lash which should have descended upon the back of the +favorite, fallen upon his much abused brother's. There is nothing in +creation which parents so often misplace as the switch; and it need +not of necessity be a birchen rod or a ferule; there are switches +which cut deeper than either, of which many a ruined man and woman can +tell you. + +I knew two children--one blundering, but honest, sincere, +self-reliant, speaking the plain truth on all occasions without +qualification, making his requests in few words, and smothering his +disappointment as best he might when refused. The other, wily, +diplomatic, Chesterfieldian, ever with a soft word on the tip of his +tongue, to pave the way for the much desired boon, which was never +refused, so winning, so courteous, so apparently respectful was the +seeker. Follow these two children. See the latter in the play-ground, +boasting to his young associates what he has got from the "old +gentleman" or the "old lady," boasting what he will yet get--boasting +that he knows how to do it; rehearsing to them the disgusting +pantomime of the caress, the respectful, deferential attitude which he +uses on such occasions. Follow the other to his little room at the +top of the house; see him sitting in gloomy silence, too proud to +weep, too proud to complain, brooding over the injustice done him--not +hating the fraternal owner of the "coat of many colors," no thanks to +those who gave them both birth, but looking into the far dim future +with that wistful longing which comes of unloved, precocious +childhood; sitting there--with his own hand turning the poisoned arrow +round and round in the festering wound, incapable of extracting it, +and yet knowing no balm to assuage its intolerable anguish. + +Follow out their two histories. See the Chesterfieldian favorite sent +to college; contracting long livery-stable, hotel, and tailors' bills, +with a perfect reliance upon his diplomatic abilities to "set it all +right with the old gentleman;" thanking him deceitfully for his +unparalleled generosity to a son so unworthy; alluding delicately to +his pride in him as a father, and trusting some day to make a proper +return for all his goodness, etc., etc. See the "stupid boy" who is +summarily set down to be wanting in cleverness, accepting in silence +this verdict, and the consequent disposal of his time in some +uncongenial, distasteful employment, till at last, wearied out by the +silent drop that descends mercilessly and unremittingly, hour by hour, +on his tortured soul, he rushes from the home which has been a home +only in name, and wanders forth, with the gnawing pain in his heart +for silent company. Merciful God! what is to keep him? His blood is +young and warm, his heart throbbing wildly in his breast for what +every human thing yearns for--sympathy--love! + +Years pass on. The college boy returns with more knowledge of horses, +wine and women, than of Greek, Latin and mathematics--returns to +receive the congratulations of partial friends that he has passed off +for pure gold the glittering brass of his showy superficiality. The +truant's name is never mentioned, or if so, with the hope, not that he +may be kept from evil, but "that he may not disgrace us." Meanwhile +the wanderer lies languishing on a bed of sickness in a foreign +country. Woman's heart is the same in all lands, when pity knocks at +it, else had he closed his eyes in exile. Pity he had not--pity he +returned to be asked, with cold tones and averted eyes, why he did not +stay there. Pity that he could not smother that unconquerable longing +which approaching death brings, to look our last upon our native land. +Pity that the errors born of neglected childhood, and forsaken youth, +should have been held up to him by the pharisaical hands which goaded +him into them, even at the tomb's portal. Pity that sinful man may not +be merciful as a holy, pitying God. + +I ask you, and you, and you, who have woven the "coat of many colors" +for some one of your household--you who, by your partiality and +short-sightedness, are fostering the rank weeds, and trampling under +foot the humble flowers--you who are bringing up children whose hearts +shall one day be colder to each other than the dead in their +graves--you upon whom shall be visited--alas! too late--every scalding +tear of agony and disappointment from out young eyes, which should +have beamed only with hope and gladness;--I ask every parent who is +doing this, if he or she is willing that his or her child shall grow +up by these means to lose his faith in man, and sadder still, in God? + + * * * * * + +I wonder is it foreordained that there shall be one child in every +family whom "nobody can do anything with?" Who tears around the +paternal pasture with its heels in the air, looking at rules, as a +colt does at fences, as good things to jump over. We all know that the +poor thing must be "broken in," and all its graceful curvetings +sobered down to a monotonous jog-trot; that it must be taught to bear +heavy burdens, and to toil up many a steep ascent at the touch of the +spur; but who that has climbed the weary height does not pass the +halter round the neck of the pretty creature with a half-sigh, that +its happy day of careless freedom should be soon ended? + +How it bounds away from you, making you almost glad that your attempt +was a failure; how lovingly your eye follows it, as it makes the swift +breathless circle, and stops at a safe distance to nod you defiance. +Something of all this every loving parent has felt, while trying to +reduce to order the child whom "nobody can do anything with." + +Geography, grammar and history seem to be put into one ear, only to +go out at the other. The multiplication table might as well be written +in Arabic, for any idea it conveys, or lodges, if conveyed, in the +poor thing's head. Temperate, torrid, and frigid zones may all be of a +temperature, for all she can remember, and her mother might have been +present at the creation of the world, or at the birth of the Author of +it, for aught she can chronologically be brought to see. + +But look! she is tired of play, and has taken up her pencil to draw; +she has had no instruction; but peep over her shoulder and follow her +pencil; there is the true artist touch in that little sketch, though +she does not know it--a freedom, a boldness which teaching may +regulate, never impart. Now she is tired of drawing, and takes up a +volume of poems, far beyond the comprehension, one would think, of a +child of her years, and though she often miscalls a word, and knows +little and cares less about commas and semi-colons, yet not the finest +touch of humor or pathos escapes her, and the poet would be lucky, +were he always sure of so appreciative a reader. She might tell you +that France was bounded south by the Gulf of Mexico, but you yourself +could not criticise Dickens or Thackeray with more discrimination. + +Down goes the book, and she is on the tips of her toes pirouetting. +She has never seen a dancing-school, nor need she; perfectly modeled +machinery cannot but move harmoniously; she does not know, as she +floats about, that she is an animated poem. Now she is tired of +dancing, and she throws herself into an old arm-chair, in an attitude +an artist might copy, and commences to sing; she is ignorant of +quavers, crotchets and semi-breves, of tenors, baritones and sopranos, +and yet you, who have heard them with rapturous encores, stop to +listen to her simple melody. + +Now she is down in the kitchen playing cook; she turns a beef-steak as +if she had been brought up in a restaurant, and washes dishes for fun, +as if it had been always sober earnest; singing, dancing and drawing +the cook's portrait at intervals, and all equally well done. + +Now send that child to any school in the land, where "Moral Science" +is hammered remorselessly and uselessly into curly heads, and she +would be pronounced an incorrigible dunce. Idiotically stupid +parrot-girls would ride over her shrinking, sensitive shame-facedness, +rough-shod. She would be kept after school, kept in during recess, and +have a discouraging list of bad recitation marks as long as Long +Island; get a crooked spine, grow ashamed of throwing snow-balls, have +a chronic headache, and an incurable disgust of teachers and schools, +as well she might. + +She is like a wild rose, creeping here, climbing there, blossoming +where you least expect it, on some rough stone wall or gnarled trunk, +at its own free, graceful will. You may dig it up and transplant it +into your formal garden if you like, but you would never know it more +for the luxuriant wild-rose, this "child whom nobody can do anything +with." + +Some who read this may ask, and properly, is such a child never to +know the restraint of rule? I would be the last to answer in the +negative, nor (and here it seems to me the great agony of outraged +childhood comes in) would I have parents or teachers stretch or dwarf +children of all sorts, sizes and capacities, on the same narrow +Procrustean bed of scholastic or parental rule. No farmer plants his +celery and potatoes in the same spot, and expects it to bear good +fruit. Some vegetables he shields from the rude touch, the rough wind, +the blazing sun; he knows that each requires different and appropriate +nurture, according to its capacities. Should they who have the care of +the immortal be less wise? + +"You have too much imagination, you should try to crush it out," was +said many years ago to the writer, in her school-days, by one who +should have known that "He who seeth the end from the beginning," +bestows _no_ faculty to be "crushed out;" that this very faculty it is +which has placed the writer, at this moment, beyond the necessity of +singing, like so many of her sex, the weary "Song of the Shirt." + + * * * * * + +One request I would make of every mother. Make your "nursery" +pleasant. Never mind about your "parlor," _but is your nursery a +cheerful place_? Is there anything there upon the wall for little eyes +to look at, and little minds to think about when they wake so early +in the morning; or as they lounge about when a stormy day keeps them +close prisoners? If not, see to it without delay. Don't say I "can't +afford it;" one shilling--two shillings will do it; if you can spare a +few shillings more, so much the better. You know the effect a bright, +cheerful apartment has upon yourself, even with all your mature +resources for thought and pleasure. Think then of the little children, +reaching out their young thoughts, like vine tendrils, for something +to twine about, something to lean on, something to grow to,--in fine, +something to think and talk about. A blank, white wall is not +suggestive or inspiriting. Give the little nursery prisoner something +bright to look at. Can that be called "a trifle" which makes home +attractive? We think not. Therefore we like flowering plants in +windows. There are some houses which make us feel as though we were on +friendly terms with the inmates, through these cheerful, mute tokens. +Mute! did I say? Have our past lives been so barren of incident that +the perfume of a flower never brought before us some bright face, or +loved form, which has made life for us blessed? You must have felt +it--and _you_ and _you_; I am sure of it. Just such a rose as that you +have "seen in her hair;" and you sit dreamily looking at it, as it +sways gracefully on the stem; and you wonder what the dear child, so +many hundred miles away, is thinking of now; and whether her +full-blossomed life has fulfilled its budding promise. And that +reminds you how the whirlpool of life's cares and duties has almost +engulfed these sweet memories; and resolutely turning your back upon +them all, you sit down and write a warm _heart-letter_, which comes to +her in her distant home, like a white-winged dove at the window of a +dreary winter day. And all this came of the little rose in your +window; the old love wakened in _your_ heart, and the gladness to +_hers_! + +Eloquent? If flowers are not eloquent, who or what is? Then, why are +so many withered leaves put away with bright tresses and pressed +passionately to lonely lips, whose quivering no eye sees save His "who +wounds but to heal?" Eloquent? Could mines of gold buy them? _This_ +was twined in her bridal veil; _that_ was laid upon her coffin-lid. No +fingers but yours may touch the shrivelled treasures. For _her_ sake +you have placed their blossoming counterparts in your window. You shut +your eyes when you go near them, that their perfume may seem her very +breath. + +Eloquent? Why does the old man stoop, and with trembling fingers pick +the daisy or violet, and place them in his button-hole? Don't question +him about it when strangers are by. It is the key to his whole +life--that little flower. + +"My mother liked primroses," the matron says to her little child; and +so they blossom in _her_ home as they did, many years ago, in the +sunny nursery-window of her childhood. Ah, these "mothers!" whose +"rights," guaranteed by the Great Law-giver, nor statute makers, nor +statute breakers can weaken or set aside. Long years after they are +dust, shall some little blossom they loved be placed in a bosom which +yearns unceasingly, over and above every other human love, for her who +gave it these warm pulsations. Blessed be these memorials of "the long +ago!" + + * * * * * + +There is a class of mothers, _easy_ mothers, who lose much time by not +_finding time_ for imperative duties. We wish it were possible to +persuade some of them, who are otherwise most excellent mothers--how +much trouble they would save themselves, by exercising a little +firmness toward their young children. Of course it takes more time to +contest a point with a child, than to yield it; and a busy mother not +reflecting that this is not for once, but for thousands of future +times, and to rid herself of importunity, says wearily--"yes--yes--you +may do it;" when all the while she knows it to be wrong and most +injurious to the child. Then there comes a time when she _must_ say +No! and the difficulty of enforcing it, at so late a period of +indulgence, none can tell but "easy" mothers of self-willed children. +For _your own sakes_, then, mothers, if you have not the future good +of your children at heart; for your own sakes--and to save yourselves +great trouble in the future, _learn to say No--and take time to +enforce it_. Let everything else go, if necessary, because this +contest must be fought out, successfully, with every separate child; +and remember once fought it is done with forever. When we see mothers, +day by day, worried--harassed, worn out by ceaseless teasings and +importunities, all for want of a little firmness at the outset, we +know not whether to be more sorry or angry. + +Again: some mothers are so busy about the temporal wants of their +children that they are wholly unacquainted with them spiritually. You +are very careful of your daughter's dress; you attend personally to +its purchase and fit. You go with her to see that her foot is nicely +gaitered; and you give your milliner special instructions as to the +make and becomingness of her bonnets; but do you ever ask yourself, +_what she is thinking about_? In other words, do you know anything at +all of her inner life? Many who are esteemed most excellent mothers, +are as ignorant on this all-important point as if they had never +looked upon their daughters' faces. They exact respectful obedience, +and if the young creature yields it, and has no need of a physician's +immediate services, they consider their duty done. Alas, what a fatal +mistake! These are the mothers, who, never having invited the +confidence of those young hearts, live to see it bestowed anywhere and +everywhere but in accordance with their wishes. _Is_ it, _can_ it be +enough to a mother worthy the name, to be satisfied that her +daughter's physical wants are cared for? What of that yearning, hungry +soul, that is casting about, here and there, for something to satisfy +its questionings? Oh, give a thought _sometimes_ to this. When she +sits there by the fire, or by the window, musing, sit down by her, and +_love_ her thoughts out of her. Cast that fatal "dignity" or +indifference to the winds, which has come between so many young +creatures and the heart to which they should lie nearest in these +important forming years. "Respect" is good in its place; but when it +freezes up your daughter's soul-utterances; when it sends her for +sympathy and companionship to chance guides, _what then_? A word, a +loving, kind word, at the right moment! No mind can over-estimate its +importance. Remember this, when you see the sad wrecks of womanhood +about you; and amid the sweeping waves of life's cares and life's +pleasures, what else soever you neglect, do not fail to know _what +that young daughter of yours is thinking about_. + + * * * * * + +How strong sometimes is weakness! When a very young child loses its +mother, before it has yet learned to syllable her name, we are +generally struck with pity at what we call its "helpless condition;" +and yet, after all, its apparent helplessness is at once its strength +and shield; for is not every kind heart about it immediately drawn +toward it in love and sympathy? Do not the touch of its soft hand, its +pretty flitting smile, the "cuddlesome" leaning of the little head, +the trustful innocence of its eyes, do more for it, than could all the +eloquence of Demosthenes? I was struck with the truth of this not long +since, upon going into a shop to make a purchase, where I found the +young girl who usually waited there, with a little babe in charge, +whose mother had just died. Looking about the shop, and remarking the +many calls upon her time and attention, as she moved quickly around +with this pretty little burden upon her arm, I said, this child must +be a great care for you. Yes, said she; but oh, _such a comfort, too_. +And so playing with the baby and talking the while, I learned that +before its mother died, it was taken in every night for her to kiss +it, before it was put to sleep. After the mother's funeral, as the +young girl was passing through that room with it, the little creature +_stretched out its hands toward the empty bed for the accustomed +kiss_? Tears stood in her eyes, as she again kissed the baby. I knew +_now_ how it was that the "_comfort_" outweighed the "_care_." No +voice from the spirit-land could so effectually and solemnly have +bound up her future with that orphan baby as that mute reaching out of +its loving arms to that empty bed. _Now_ had that young girl a _soul_ +for labor; a motive for living. _Now_ there was something to repay +toil. Something for her to love--something to love her. Every customer +who came in, was so much toward a subsistence for little Annie. Ah, +the difference between plodding on for cold duty's sake, and working +with one's heart in it! The little shop looked bright as heaven, that +cold November afternoon, and I went out of it, wondering what people +could mean when they spoke of "_infant helplessness_;" since all New +York might have failed to do for that little one, what it had +accomplished for itself by that one unconscious, touching little +action. + + + + +_THOUGHTS ON SOME EVERY DAY TOPICS._ + + +Women boarders are often called troublesome; but it must be remembered +that all a man wants of his room is to sleep and dress in, but it is a +woman's _home_; and alas! often all she has. She would not _be_ a +woman did she not desire to make it tidy and habitable. This--her +landlady contracts to do. The fruitless ringings for fresh-water, +towels, coal, lights and a clean carpet--and she is not allowed to go +down stairs after them herself--are not unknown to any woman who has +worn life out in boarding-houses. It is not, as I remarked, in the +nature of a woman to be comfortable in Babel; nor does its owner fancy +a cloud of dust, raised in the middle of the day, upon her nicely +smoothed hair, or clean collar, because the chambermaid has an +appointment with John, the waiter, in the entry, or because she enjoys +lolling out the front window on her elbows an hour in every room she +is "righting," instead of attending promptly to her business, and +getting through with it. + +Now, man is by nature an unclean animal. I doubt if he would ever wash +his face, were there no women about who would refuse to kiss him if he +didn't. Well--_he_ clears a hole in the middle of his room, and gets +ready for breakfast; which he swallows, and then bolts through the +front-door, (dining down town,) not to return again till evening. What +possible difference, then, does it make to him, whether his bed be +made, and his room swept at ten o'clock in the morning, or four in the +afternoon? _His_ home is in the restaurant, in the store, in the +street, anywhere and everywhere, that temptation and inclination may +lead him; four walls don't bound _his_ vision. He can afford to be +philosophical about brooms and dust-pans. + +But let Biddy take them into his _counting-room_. Let him stand round +on one leg while she--having moved his desk and displaced his ledgers +and papers, preparatory to a sweep--runs out into the street half an +hour, under pretence of getting a broom, to gossip with an +acquaintance. Let him, getting impatient, sit down in the midst of the +hub-bub, and drawing up his inkstand, commence writing. Let Biddie +re-enter, just as he gets under way, with a frisk of that wretched, +long-handled duster, which tosses on more dust than she ever takes +off. Let him rise again and make way for her, and then--let her bob +off again--after a little water, and stay another half hour,--and all +the while the merciless clock ticking on, and the perspiration +standing on his forehead at this unnecessary waste of his time and +temper, and the work he _hasn't_ done, and let Biddy repeat this in +that counting-room, to that man, every morning in the year, (365 +mornings). How long do you suppose he would stand that? + +Well, that's just what women in boarding-houses have to put up with. +That's why they are troublesome. That's why they can't help it. That's +why landladies like men who live everywhere but in their rooms, and +who, provided their mattress is not put in their washbowl, and the +ends of their cigars are not broken by the landlady's little boy, give +her carte blanche as to dirt and other luxuries. + +On the other hand I acknowledge that a man-boarder eats four times as +much as a woman, and often keeps his landlady waiting weeks to have +her bill paid, if indeed he ever pays it. Then he tumbles up stairs at +midnight in an oblivious condition, thumping against all the doors as +he goes, frightening the single women into fits, and waking up hapless +babies, to drain the last drop of the milk of motherly kindness? Then +he brings his comrades home to dinner or to tea, and expects his poor +struggling landlady to omit all mention of the same when she makes out +her bill? Then, notwithstanding this, he sniffs at the eggs, cracks +stale jokes on the chickens; rails at the beef, looks daggers into the +coffee-cup, and holds his supercilious nose when the butter is too +near; and by many other gentlemanly tokens shows the poor widow, whose +husband once would not let the wind blow roughly on her, that he will +grind her and her children down to the last fraction, that he may +spend it on cigars and drinks, while the gray hairs gather thickly on +her temples, and she goes to sleep every night with a "God help me," +on her lips. + + * * * * * + +It is a self-evident fact, that all women are not ladies, in the best +sense of the word; _i. e._ by virtue of behavior, _not_ dress; no +doubt landladies as well as others have often discovered this. It is +very easy to tell "a lady" by the standard of behavior. Ten women +shall get into an omnibus, and though we never saw one of them before, +we shall select you the true lady. She does not titter when a +gentleman, handing up her fare, knocks off his hat, or pitches it awry +over his nose; nor does she receive her "change," after this +inconvenient act of gallantry, in grim silence. She wears no flowered +brocade there to be trodden under foot, nor ball-room jewelry, nor +rose-tinted gloves; but the lace frill round her face is scrupulously +fresh, and the strings under her chin have evidently been handled only +by dainty fingers. She makes no parade of a watch, if she wears one; +nor does she draw off her dark, neatly-fitting glove to display +ostentatious rings. Still we notice, nestling in the straw beneath us, +such a trig little boot, not paper-soled, but of an anti-consumption +thickness; the bonnet upon her head is plain, simply trimmed, for your +true lady never wears full-dress in an omnibus. She is quite as civil +to the _poorest_ as to the _richest_ person who sits beside her, and +equally regardful of their rights. If she attracts attention, it is by +the unconscious grace of her person and manner, not by the +ostentation of her dress. We are quite sorry when she pulls the strap +and disappears. We saw a lady do a very pretty thing the other +morning. Our omnibus was nearly full of ladies, going down town, when +quite an elderly man slowly mounted the steps, and clambered in, +taking a seat by the door. The lady next him, observing him take out +his fare, smilingly extended her hand to the venerable man, passed the +money up to the driver, and returned the change. It was a _little_ +thing, but, oh, how _lovely_! more particularly, as the old man's hat +was shabby, his coat seedy, and he had every mark of poverty about +him. That woman will make a good wife, said we, and we had half a mind +to ask her address, for the benefit of some young man; only that we +reflected that unless her virtues were backed by "a fortune," they +might possibly go a-begging. + + * * * * * + +The "term" lady has been so misused, that I like better the +old-fashioned term, _woman_. I sometimes think the influence of a good +woman greater than that of a good man. There are so many avenues to the +human heart left open to her gentle approach, which would be instantly +barred up at the sound of rougher footsteps. One may tell anything to a +good woman. In her presence pride sleeps or is disarmed. The old +child-feeling comes back upon the world-weary man, and he knows not why +he has reposed the unsought confidence which has so lightened his +heart. Why he goes forth again ashamed that one so feeble is so much +mightier. Why _he_ could doubt and despair where _she_ can trust and +wait. Why he could fly from the foe for whose approach she so +courageously tarries. Why he thinks of the dagger, or pistol, or +poisoned cup, while she, accepting the fierce blast of misfortune, +meekly bows her head till the whirlwind be overpast,--believing, +hoping, _knowing_ that God's bright smile of sunshine will break +through at last. + +The world-weary man looks on with wonder, reverencing yet not +comprehending. How _can_ he comprehend? He who stands in his pride, +with his panting soul uncovered, in the scorching Zahara of _Reason_, +and then complains that no dew falls, no showers descend, no buds, +blossoms, or fruit cheer him. How can he who faces with folded arms +and defiant attitude, comprehend the twining love-clasp and satisfied +heart-rest which come only of love? Thank God, woman is not too proud +to take what she so much needs. That she does not wait to comprehend +the Infinite before she can love. That she does not plant her foot, +and refuse to stir, till her guide tells her why he is leading her by +this path instead of that; and though every foot-print be marked with +her heart's blood, she does not relax her grasp or doubt his faith. + +Well may her glance, her touch, the rustle of her garments even, have +power to soothe and bless; well may the soft touch of such upon brows +knotted with the world's strife bring coolness and peace. Oh, woman, +be strong-minded as you will, if only you be pure and gentle-hearted. + + * * * * * + +While on the Woman Question I wish to say that my sympathies have +always been strongly enlisted for female teachers. Of all who go +fainting by the roadside of life, heart-sore and heart-weary, none are +more utterly so than the majority of our female teachers. A +male-teacher is, generally, able to overawe the misgoverned young +girls committed to his charge; or, if he is not, his tougher +organization precludes the possibility of that exquisite degree of +torture which _she_ endures from it. The female teacher must withdraw +to her room when the day's toil is over, quivering often with nervous +excitement, worn out, body and spirit, with the struggle for daily +bread, hungering more for sympathy and a kind word than for that; +taking to her dreams the rude superciliousness of pupils, spoiled to +her hand; the only answer possible to whom has been the burning blush +of degradation, the suppressed tear or sob. + +I shall be told that there are teachers who abuse their +trust--mercenary, ungrateful, impervious to any moral considerations. +Of course, in all professions there are those who are better out than +in it. Plenty who are trying to regulate delicate microscopic springs +with an iron crowbar. Teaching is not exempt from its bunglers and +charlatans; but, outside of this, there is the long, pale-cheeked +procession of female teachers, stretching out feeble hands from the +jostling crowd, trembling lest by some unintentional oversight of +theirs they lose the approbation of employers, and with it their means +of subsistence; bearing patiently the petty insults of willfulness, of +selfishness, of arrogance, all uncomplainingly, day by day, week by +week, month by month, as the slow years roll on; nor, is there any +help for this, as many young people are at present educated; when a +teacher, though often possessed of double the native refinement of the +taught, is considered by them merely as an upper servant, to be +quizzed, to be cheated, to be tormented, at every possible +opportunity; and with all her earnest and conscientious endeavors, to +be held responsible for the consequences of natural dullness and +premeditated sloth; and all for the grudging permission to keep soul +and body together. Many may think this an overdrawn picture. Would +that it were! + +Not long since, a young girl apologized to her private lady-teacher, +for the necessary postponement of several lessons, on account of +illness. With much feeling the teacher answered: "Do not mention it, I +beg. That is nothing. That is unavoidable. Meantime, you are always +respectful to me, always kind, always polite. _You never hurt my +feelings, mademoiselle._ Some of my pupils are so rude, so insolent; +it is very hard to teach such." Comment is unnecessary. _How_ "hard" +it must be for a gentle, refined and educated woman to endure these +things, my readers can judge. + +If any young girl should read this who has hitherto supposed that +money gave her the power to treat with disrespect such a person; that +money could remunerate her for the agony she made her endure, let her +remember that money sometimes takes to itself wings, and that there +may come a time when, seeking her daily bread, _she_ too may hunger +for the respectful appreciation she now so heedlessly withholds. + +We believe it is generally admitted that a woman of even average +acquirements can write a better letter than a man. We think there are +two good reasons for this. First, they are not above narrating the +_little_ things which bring up a person or a scene more vividly to the +mind than anything else. They write _naturally_, as they talk; while a +man takes his pen too often in the mood in which he would mount a +platform to address his "fellow-citizens," using big words, and +stiltified language. Hence a man's letters are for the most part stiff +and uninteresting. Commend us to a woman's letter when information +about home matters, or any other matters, is really needed. In making +these remarks, we do not forget a sentimental class of female +letter-writers; they are the exceptions, and any one who has patience, +may read their wordy, idea-less effusions. We cannot. Still every one +of us must remember, when absent, letters from some female member of +the family, which were worth more than all that the collected male +intellect of the household could furnish. You, and you, and you--have +them now we dare say, stained by time and perhaps tears, yet still +precious above rubies. + +There are sometimes women who develop a smart business capability +worthy of a man; but as a general thing there are few people who speak +approbatively of such a woman. No matter how isolated or destitute her +condition, the majority would consider it more "feminine," would she +unobtrusively gather up her thimble, and, retiring into some +out-of-the-way-place, gradually scoop out her coffin with it, than to +develop the smart turn for business which would lift her at once out +of her troubles; and which, in a man so situated, would be applauded +as exceedingly praiseworthy. The most curious part of it is, that they +who are loudest in their abhorrence of this "unfeminine" trait, are +they who are the most intolerant of dependent female relatives. +"Anywhere out of the world," would be their reply, if applied to by +the latter for a straw for the drowning. "Do something for yourself," +is their advice in general terms; but, above all, you are to "do it +quietly," unobtrusively; in other words, die as soon as you like on +sixpence a day, but don't trouble _us_! Of such cold-blooded comfort, +in sight of a new-made grave, might well be born "the _smart business +woman_." And, in truth, so it often is. Hands that never toiled +before, grow rough with labor; eyes that have been tearless for long, +happy years, drop agony over the slow lagging hours; feet that have +been tenderly led and cared for, stumble as best they may in the new, +rough path of self-denial. But out of this bitterness groweth +sweetness. _No crust so tough as the grudged bread of dependence._ +Blessed be the "smart business woman" who, in a self-sustained crisis +like this, after having through much tribulation reached the goal, is +able to look back on the weary track and see the sweet flower of faith +and trust in her kind still blooming. + + * * * * * + +A good honest soul once said that "all she wanted, when she got to +Heaven, was to put on a clean apron and sit still." After all, the +idea is more profound than funny. There are times in every +housekeeper's life when this would be the embodiment of Paradise. When +the head throbs with planning, contriving, and directing; when every +bone aches in the attempt to carry the programme into successful +execution; when, after having done one's best to draw to a focus all +the infinitesimal cob-web threads of careful management, some new +emergency is born of every last attempt, till every nerve and muscle +cries out, with the old woman, for Heaven and a clean apron! Of +course, after a period of carefree rest, this earth seems after all a +very nice place to stay in; but while the fit lasts, no victim of +unsuccessful love, or of sea-sickness, is more truly deserving of that +which neither ever get--_heartfelt pity_. It is well that is not the +prevailing feeling, else how could we all toil and moil, as we do, day +after day, for six feet of earth to engulf it all at last! It is well +that to painstaking mothers and delving fathers, earth seems so +_real_. Were it not so, the wheels of this world would stick fast, of +course. + +The men would hang themselves because there are three hundred and +sixty-five days in a year, and every morning of all these days, they +must button their shirt-wristbands. The women would think of nine +children and one at the breast, and every one to be worried through +the measles, scarlet fever, chicken-pox, and whooping-cough; while +Bridget and Betty would incontinently drown themselves at the +never-ending succession of breakfasts, dinners and suppers, to be +gobbled up by people constantly ringing the bell for "more." Heaven +and a clean apron! the idea is delicious. Let us hope the old woman +got it. + + * * * * * + +Speaking of Bridget and Betty, let me ask the women who read this one +question. How do you treat your household servants? "None of my +business." But it is yours; and for fear you should forget it, I take +the liberty to call your attention to it. Are they overworked? +underpaid? indifferently fed? Do you ever give them a holiday? Do you +ever lend them a book to read of a leisure evening? Do you ever give +them a leisure evening? Do you care for them when they are sick? Do +you remember that they, like yourself, have fathers, mothers, sisters, +brothers, toward whom a good word or kind action from you, might be +the pivot upon which their whole life should turn, for good or evil, +joy or sorrow? Perhaps some young girl among them, dependent and +oppressed, despondent and discouraged, to whose side you might step, +and to whose heart you might bring that delicious joy, _the sense of +protection_, for the want of which so many despairing feet turn astray +forever. + +None of my business? Make it yours, then: for a woman's heart beats in +your kitchen,--over your wash-tub,--over your ironing-table,--down in +your cellar,--up in your garret. A kind word is such a little thing to +you--so much to her. _Your_ cup is so full to overflowing,--_hers_ +often so empty, so tasteless. And kindness so wings the feet of Duty. +Think of it. + + * * * * * + +There is one thing that puzzles me about our women who live in the +country; as a general thing they might as well, it seems to us, be +without feet, for all the use they make of them, out of doors. We +cannot but think they make a mistake in tackling up old Dobbin to +convey them a mile, or a mile and a half, as the case may be, to the +village store, for any little articles of home consumption. Why not +array themselves in thick shoes fit for rough roads, and stir the +blood by a little healthful exercise? We do not believe, how active +soever their indoor occupations may be, that they can ever entirely +supersede this necessity for _out-door_ exercise. We have often +marvelled, when chance has thrown us among them for a few days, at +their slavish subserviency to horse-flesh on every trifling occasion. +They seem to regard the city visitor's preference for walking, as a +sort of lunacy, harmless perhaps, but pitiable. They see "no object," +in going over the threshold "just for a walk." Well--every one to +their taste--notwithstanding the currents of "fresh air" always to be +had by every one who lives _inside_ a country house, _we_ would not, +voluntarily, surrender the privilege of snuffing it _outside_, and +snuffing it _on foot_, too. This is our advice to both the _country_ +and the city wife. + + * * * * * + +Wife! There are no four letters in the language expressive of so much +that is holy and sweet. Wife! that is a word claimable only by one. A +man can have but one _wife_, in a Christian community! That is _her_ +proud, undisputed, indisputable, title. Let her hold on to it. + +The other day we overheard this exclamation. That _his_ wife! and a +long sigh, and ominous shake of the head followed it. The object of +this commiseration had "a genius" for a husband. Crowds of worshippers +had he--male and female, known and unknown, declared and silent. +According to them, he never opened his mouth without scattering +word-pearls. All were desirous to know him; some because they really +admired his talent; many because it made them of consequence to be his +friends. Presents of all kinds were laid at his feet and just enough +enemies had he to convince the most skeptical that he had made a +success in the world. + +And that was his wife! Good gracious! That little, plain, unpretending, +quiet body, with not even a "stylish" air to recommend her! It was +awful. _Why?_--didn't she love him? Oh, yes; how could she help it? Was +she not a good mother to his children? Oh, yes. Was she not a careful, +orderly housekeeper? Oh, yes. Was she not sensible and well-informed, +and able to take a creditable place as conversationalist at his table +and fireside? Oh, yes all of that; but _he_ should have had an elegant, +talented, brilliant wife. _No he shouldn't._ He has just the wife he +wants. A practical, common-sense woman, proud of her husband in her own +demonstrative way. Smiling quietly at the world's estimate of the +unostentatious virtues, which make his home a pattern of neatness, +order and comfort. Smiling quietly, as the conscious possessor of his +heart could afford to do, at the meddling short-sightedness which would +displace her "brilliant, talented woman," whom ten to one, even had she +good sense with her brilliancy he never would like half as well, +because God has endowed few men with magnanimity enough to rejoice in +those qualities which make a wife--like her husband--resourceful and +self-reliant. No--no, my friends, let them alone. What affair is it of +yours, if they themselves are content? Ah--but we won't believe they +_are_ content. We persist in pitying him. We could pick out twenty +splendid women with whom he would be better mated. Very like--my dear +madame;--and yourself, first of the twenty, no doubt! Pshaw! leave him +with his patient, quiet, unobtrusive, sensible, good, little, homely +wife. "A male genius"--my sentimental friend--likes a good +dinner--plenty of _kicking_ room--and a wife who, if she differs from +him in opinion, won't say so. + + + + +_A TRIP TO THE NORTHERN LAKES._ + + +I trust that it involves no disloyalty to Queen Victoria to dislike +Toronto; it is the last of her Majesty's dominions that I should +select for a residence. Its tumble-down, dilapidated aspect, its +almost total absence of adornment in architecture, or ornamentation in +shrubbery, was, I confess, very repelling to me. One excepts, of +course, what is called the "College Walk," leading to the fine new +University buildings and grounds, consisting of an entire mile of +handsome shade trees, but alas! a line-and-plummet, undeviating, +straight mile, innocent of the faintest suspicion of a curve. Still, +on the pleasant afternoon we walked there, we enjoyed it, as well as +the sight of the crowd, dressed in holiday attire, sauntering past us. +I saw no beauty in their faces, but a look of jolly health, which, to +my eye, was quite as pleasing. The young girls, perhaps, looked a +trifle too theatrical, in the little straw crowns of hats without +brim, a large ostrich feather being curled over the forehead, instead. +This head-dress, worn with quite ordinary dresses, seemed to me +incongruous, and not in good taste; but one forgives much to a sunny, +bright face, and this would be a very monotonous world, were all +individuality destroyed. It struck me that there was an immense +number of sixteen-year-old young girls in Toronto; perhaps their +mothers and aunts don't go out, or _they_ may be youthful mothers and +aunts--who knows? It struck me, too, that the Torontonians enjoyed +themselves; every face wearing a smiling, care-free expression, rare +to meet in larger places; so, if they like their pigs to run loose in +the street, who shall say them nay, provided they don't trip up the +Prince of Wales? + +It was funny to see the "beadle" standing in the cathedral porch on +Sunday morning, with his scarlet cloth collar and pompous air. If he +had the usual cocked hat belonging to his office, I didn't see it, but +he found us a good seat, and I trust we prayed for "the Queen and +Prince" after the minister, with as much zeal as any of her subjects. +The church service was indeed the best part of the performance, the +sermon being very harmless and rigidly respectable. Perhaps that was +the reason my thoughts wandered to a lad of twelve or thirteen near +by, who was starched up in a white cravat, and dressed like his +grandfather. There were some stylish equipages round the church door +as we came out, and many that were not stylish, but seemed comfortable +enough for all that. If I thought Toronto rather a "slow" place, the +fault may be in my quicksilver temperament, which sent me off by +railroad through the backwoods to Detroit, after one day's sojourn in +it. Ah! that I liked! Those grand old woods, those primeval trees, +towering and stately as "cedars of Lebanon;" those log-huts with the +bronzed mother standing in the door-way, and a group of rosy little +children about her; the woodman near by, resting on his axe at the +sound of the shrieking whistle, all unconscious how pretty a picture +he and his were making. And so on, for miles and miles, through that +bright day, we never wearied of gazing till the sun went down. When it +rose again it found us in Detroit, and quite as comfortably settled as +we could have been in the best hotel in New York. Breakfast, and then +a carriage to see the place. _Detroit will do._ There are flowers in +Detroit; there are pretty gardens and vine-festooned windows; they +make good coffee in Detroit, and grow peaches, or at any rate _sell_ +them--which answered my purpose just as well. Some of the streets and +buildings are very pretty. There are funny little market carts, +similar to those one sees in Quebec, driven about by women who sell +apples, beans and potatoes. There are plenty of stores there, and +civil salesmen. One need not cut his throat in Detroit, said I, as we +took a farewell glance from the deck of the propeller, on which we +were to glide up Lake St. Clair. It seems so strange that people will +go, year after year, through the tiresome monotony of watering-place +life; the same unvarying, uninteresting round of dressing and dancing, +when a tour of a week or more on our Northern Lakes would be so +soul-satisfying and healthful. It must be that many of them only need +reminding of its superior advantages, and the ease and comfort with +which so many hundred miles may be traversed, to undertake it. But to +enjoy it, it must be done on the right principle. If a woman, you are +not to dress up, and, striking an attitude in the ladies' saloon, take +out that everlasting crochet-work, with which so many women martyrize +themselves and their friends, to pass the time. You are to array +yourself in a rough-and-tumble-dress, with the plainest belongings; +then you are prepared to scramble up on the upper deck, to promenade +there and look about; or go into the wheel-house and ask questions of +the jolly, gallant captain; or go "down below" and see emigrant life, +among the steerage passengers; or, when the boat stops to take in coal +or freight, to jump out on the landing, and make your way, through +boxes and barrels, up into the town during the brief half-hour stay of +the boat. You are to do anything of this kind that a modest, +dignified, independent woman may always do, without regard to Mrs. +Grundy, or her numerous descendants on sea and shore. That's the way +to make the Northern Lake trip. + + * * * * * + +Eleven days without a newspaper! and yet we ate, and drank, and slept, +and grew fat, as our boat carried us farther and farther from all +knowledge of the "horrid disclosures," and "startling developments" of +fast Gotham. We were blissfully ignorant how many men choked, +poisoned, and were otherwise attentive to their wives, during those +bright days when we sat on deck, basking in the sun, with our +fascinated gaze fixed upon the bright foam-track, or upon the +sea-gulls, that, with untiring wing, followed us hundreds of miles, +now and then laving their snowy breasts in the blue waves; or, as we +gladly welcomed the smaller, friendly birds, that flew into the cabin +windows, and fluttered about the ceiling, as if glad to see new faces +in their trackless homes. We were ignorant--and contented to +be--during this tranquil period, of "mass-meetings," and "barbecues," +and "pugilistic encounters," and scrambles for office, the baptismal +name of which is "patriotism." Meanwhile the fresh wind blew on our +bronzed faces, and we glided past lovely green islands, on which +Autumn had hung out, here and there, her signal flag, warning +us--spite of the pleasant breeze--not to linger too long where the +fierce winds would soon come to lash the waves to more than old +Ocean's fury. Who could dream it, "with the blue above and the blue +below," and we so gently rocked and cradled? Who could believe +it--that heavenly evening, when we watched the sun sink beneath the +waves on one side of us, as the moon rose majestically out of them on +the other, while before us the beautiful island of "The Great Spirit," +was set like an emerald in the sapphire sea? Now and then an Indian in +his fragile canoe, with a blanket for a sail, gave us rough welcome in +passing. How could we realize on that balmy evening, that for eight +months in the year, he saw those green pines covered with snow, or +that he guided huge dogs to carry the mail, through paths accessible +only to Indian feet, or that spring and autumn were there almost +unknown, so rapidly did winter and summer, with their intense heat and +cold, succeed each other. Entranced and spell-bound we asked, Can it +_ever_ be dreary here? Hark! to that sound of music, as another boat, +homeward bound, plashes past us, with its living freight. One moment +and away! Heaven send them safety! And now picturesque little huts are +dotted in and out among the trees, along the line of shore, and the +solemn mysteries of life and death go on there too. And now, as if +every illuminated page in Nature's book were to be turned for us, +flashes up the Aurora! in long, quivering lines of light,--rose-color +and silver--till earth, sea and sky are ablaze with glory! Oh, let us +go home and gather together all who love us, (this boat would more +than hold them,) and let us _always_ live on these waters, said I; +such nice, quiet sleep in the cosy little state-rooms where one cannot +lose anything, because there is no room to lose it; and then the +pleasant surprise of the new landing-places with their Frenchy-Indian +names, and the strange but friendly faces on the pier; the mines too, +to explore in this rich country, often held by residents in the old +world; oh, you may be sure, even without Broadway, there would be no +lack of excitement on these Lakes, no more than there would be lack of +culture, refinement and intelligence among their residents; for it +must needs be men of mark who are the pioneers in these wildernesses; +men who will stand strong as do its rocks, when the waves of +discouragement dash against them, waiting the lull of winds and +storms, for the fore-ordained sunshine of prosperity. There are +_women_, too, here; not flounced and be-gemmed and useless, but +bright-eyed and fair-browed, for all that, and loving appreciatively +the wild, grand beauty of these lakes and woods, even when laggard +Winter holds them ice-bound. Nor need the traveller be surprised, on +stepping ashore, to find here a large, well-appointed hotel, with a +bill of fare no epicure need despise, especially when the far-famed +fish of these regions is set before him. + +The Indian, when asked to work, points significantly, and with +characteristic nonchalance, _to the lake_ for his answer! Spite of the +poets, I found no beauty among these people, save in the bright eyes +of one little child, who was playing outside the door of a wigwam, on +the shore of that lovely Sault River, so rich in its clustering +islands, so beautiful with its foaming rapids; miniaturing those of +Niagara. The Indians dart over and about these rapids in their +egg-shell boats with startling fearlessness. I am sorry to inform you, +by the way, that the "_nymph-like Indian maid_" wears a hoop! In this +vicinity--for one instant--I wished that I were a squaw; particularly +as she was a chief's widow, and was being rowed in a pretty canoe by +fourteen Indians, whose voices "kept tune as their oars kept time." A +nearer inspection of her opulent ladyship might have disinclined me to +the exchange, but at that distance, as her picturesque little canoe +safely coquetted with the foaming, sparkling rapids, her position +seemed enchanting. + +Homeward bound! and now we must leave all these beautiful scenes, and +say Farewell to the kind faces which greeted us so many happy "good +mornings" and "good nights." There are mementoes now before me: +mignonnette from the bright-eyed girl of "Marquette;" specimens of +"ore" from "the Doctor," of sterling value as himself; and +recollections of at least one member of the press, glad, like +ourselves, to escape from pen and ink. Ah! who has not hated to say +Farewell? + +"We must come again next summer," said we all--so said the Captain. + +Ah! the poor Captain. My eyes fill--my heart aches, as if I had known +him years, instead of those few bright, fairy days. Poor Captain Jack +Wilson, with his handsome, sunshiny face, cheery voice, and manly +ways! How little I thought there would be no "next summer" for him, +when he so kindly helped me up on the hurricane deck, and into the +cosy little pilot-house, to look about; who was always sending me word +to come "forward," or "aft," because he knew I so much enjoyed seeing +all beautiful things; who was all goodness, all kindness, and yet, in +a few hours after we left him, found a grave in that cruel surf! + +The _afternoon of the day_ we had said our _last_ "Good-bye" to him, +on the Chicago pier; we had taken a carriage to drive round the city, +and reined up at the "draw," for a boat to pass through. It was the +"_Lady Elgin_," going forth to meet her doom! We kissed our hands +gaily to her in the bright sunshine "for auld lang syne," and that +night, as we slept safely in our beds at the hotel, that brave heart, +with a wailing babe prest to it, had only that treacherous raft +between him and eternity. The poor captain! How can we give him up? As +_his_ strong arm sustained the helpless on that fearful night, may God +support his own gentle ones, or whom our hearts ache, in this their +direst need. + + * * * * * + +I never fancied going up and down stairs, nor did I like to see only +the _ankles_ of the Chicago people on a level with the carriage +windows, while riding through their streets. How any mortal gets about +those breakneck localities in the evening, with the present +insufficient means of illumination, (I except of course, the lighting +of the principal thoroughfare,) I am at a loss to conjecture. I advise +all young doctors to emigrate to Chicago; stumbling strangers at least +must yield them a rich harvest. Having lightened my conscience on this +point, I wish to add that I was delighted with Chicago; delighted with +the fine architectural taste displayed in the new buildings already +finished and in process of building. I very much admired one of the +churches in Michigan Avenue, composed of variegated stone. Some of the +private residences may safely challenge competition with any in New +York, on the score of magnificence. The principal stores are narrow, +but of an immense length, and full of choice goods; they only differ +from ours of the same class, in the fact that a little of everything +may be purchased in _each one_; instead of the usual "dry goods" +limitation. Religion and tobacco seem to be the staple products of +Chicago; the shops for the sale of the latter, having a wonderful +prominence and attractiveness, and as to churches, their name is +legion. The handsome mammoth hotel now being built, we only hoped +might be monopolized by the landlord who made _our_ stay so +comfortable. + +Notwithstanding a persistent rain, our ride through alternate woods +and prairies, from Chicago to Cleveland was quite delightful. The +luxuriance of vegetation was a constant source of pleasure to me. +There were giant trees, festooned with wild vines, and beautiful +spikes of purple and yellow flowers, tantalizing my itching fingers as +we shot past; the cars always stopping, of course, where nothing but +"Groceries" was to be seen, except in one instance, where "_Groceries +and Boarding_" made a pleasing variety. Quantities of prairie-hens +fluttered out of the long grass, as we passed, safe enough from any +gunpowder tendencies of mine, while wonderfully prolific families of +spotted pigs "took their time" to pay attention to our shrieking +whistle. _Abundance_, indeed, seemed to be written on everything, even +to the jetty coronal of hair on the head of a young, barefooted girl +of eighteen, who, alas! was smoking a long-nine in the doorway of her +log-hut. I dare say, though, that the poor thing did it in +self-defence, as I am convinced all women in this country will be +obliged to--sooner or later,--as men grow more and more selfish in +regard to the tobacco-nuisance, the _churches_ at present being the +only place where one is sure of escaping it, and I am expecting every +Sabbath to see the "curling incense" rise there. + +Political meetings had been held that day, all along our route, and +a great multitude of the unwashed, uncombed, and, for all I could +see, unshirted men, entered the cars at the various stopping-places, +shaking the rain from their manes like so many shaggy Newfoundlands; +"fust-rate fellows"--fearful at spitting and the quill-toothpick +exercise!--evidently unused to the curly specimen of female, +judging by the looks of blank astonishment with which they +regarded--open-mouthed--your humble servant. Of course, we did not +see a "rolling prairie" on this route; however, as we had just done +a little extra "rolling" on Lake Superior, perhaps it was as well +deferred till another summer. + +There is no person who has such rigid "go-to-meetin" ideas of +propriety, according to her own formula of expounding it, as your +countrywoman who seldom ventures beyond the smoke of her own chimney; +I had the misfortune to shock one irretrievably by transferring from +one of our scrambling way-station dinners an ear of corn, upon which +to regale at my leisure in the cars. If eyes turned inside out, in +holy horror could have moved me, then would that ear of corn never +been eaten; but alas! I was both hungry and independent, and Mrs. +Grundy could only turn her back and weep over one more unfortunate, +lost to all sense of decorum. A little salt however, with one's corn, +is not amiss; so I lived to chronicle it. + +It would, and did, keep on raining till we reached Cleveland, at ten +on Saturday evening. On the following Monday, unfortunately for +belated travellers, was to take place the inauguration of the Perry +monument, to which all the country for miles round were flocking, not +to mention any number of military companies and strangers from a +distance, bound on the same patriotic errand. Every hotel, and even +private residences, were crammed to the last possible extent; this, of +course, we did not know till our trunks were dumped on the wet +sidewalk, and the hackman had made his grinning exit. Ladies, wet, +hungry ladies, sat eying each other like vampires, (bless 'em!) in the +hotel parlors, while despairing cavaliers, brothers, lovers and +husbands, mopped their damp brows in the halls, after vain appeals to +demented landlords, who had turned billiard tables into couches, and +shutters into cots. These agonized fair ones, at each fresh +disappointment, could only ejaculate, faintly, "Good gracious, what's +to be done?" as they flattened their noses against the window-panes, +and took one more look into the muddy streets; and another train _yet_ +to arrive at that late hour, with four hundred more moist, hungry +wretches! Thanks, then, to the landlord, who immediately turned, for +us, his own private parlor into a bed-room, and surrounded us with +every possible comfort. + +The sun shone out brilliantly on Monday upon the beautiful city of +Cleveland, swarming with red coats, and rustics, and civilians, to see +the statue, of which they may well be proud, both on account of its +intrinsic merit, and because it is the work of a native artist. It +stands conspicuously in "Olive Park," its fine proportions in +beautiful relief against the dense foliage. We saw Cleveland in +holiday attire, it is true, but apart from that it impressed me most +agreeably, with its gigantic shade trees and pretty streets and +gardens. It is said that women surrender their hearts easily to a +military uniform. If so, it is because it stands to them as an +indorsement of the wearer's bravery and chivalry, qualities in men +which all women adore. I must confess, at any rate, to the pleasure of +looking on a large, well-filled hall of red-coats, at dinner, in our +hotel, the evening before we left. The "wait--a--a--h--s," to be sure, +seemed of the flying-artillery order, but even they seemed to take a +glorified pleasure in wearing out shoe-leather in such service! Truth +to tell, the inevitable suit of _solemn black_ worn by the universal +American masculine in this country, is getting monotonous. I noticed, +speaking of this, that every countryman who came to the show had +caught the infection, and had apparelled himself in the same +sacerdotal manner, although a suit of that color is not only uglier +and more expensive than any other, but looks infinitely worse when +dusty or worn. Who shall arise to deliver our American male population +from this funereal frenzy. + + * * * * * + +If our entrance to Cleveland just before the Perry celebration was +fraught with peril, our exit, on the day after, was a little more so. +The wise ones foreseeing the rush, anticipated it; the unwise, among +whom we were of course numbered, slept on it, and started on the +following morning, just as if nothing had happened. As a natural +consequence, when we reached the depot with our baggage there was +scarcely even standing-room, either in the long train of cars just +leaving, or in those preparing to do so. Now it is bad enough to get +up and put on your clothes inside out by gas-light. It is still worse +to eat, not because you have an appetite, but for fear you _shall_ +have, but after being "put through" this experience, and taking a last +shivering farewell of the warm bed, where you _should_ have "cuddled" +for hours, to crawl into a dark car, in a dismal depot, and tumble +over women who are already seated on portmanteaus on the car floor, +and find barely a place to stand, why it----_is_ trying? Not the +whispered consolation--"wait till the _light_ shines into the car, and +_you'll_ have a seat fast enough," (from a male friend, well versed in +railroad travel, from a masculine point of view) consoled me for the +weary five minutes I poised on one foot, at that early hour, with not +a hook to hang my basket or my hopes on. Good fortune came at the end +of that time, through annexation, in the shape of two more cars, into +one of which I was hurried, with a haste more necessary than decorous. +Ominous muttering of "half an hour behind time," met my ear, from male +mal-contents. Happy in the possession of a seat at last, and +thoroughly disgusted with such "hot haste" at daylight, I faintly +remarked that I should be content, did they not pull my seat from +under me, to sit there till doomsday. It is not the first time I've +made a rash remark: _nettle_-rash this turned out! But how was I--a +woman--to know that "half an hour behind time," meant "no right to the +road?" that it meant subservience to freight trains and every other +train, from seven o'clock that morning, to seven that blessed +evening?--that it meant, we were to sit weary hours and half-hours at +a time, in some Sahara of a country road, sucking our thumbs because +there was nothing else to suck; the previous overcrowded train having, +like locusts, devoured not "every green thing," alas! but every other +munchable edible? How did I know that, to crown the horror, the rain +would pour down in torrents at just those compulsory stopping times, +thus cutting us off even from the poor consolation of stretching our +limbs? How did I know, when I madly rejected transporting food from +the hotel, that a branch of "rum-cherries" from the hill-side, would +be my only bill of fare on that road? Ah, the babies on that train had +the best of it, on the dinner question! I borrowed one, and played +with it awhile, not with any cannibal ideas, though it was wonderfully +plump. A strange gentleman who had strayed off into the woods while we +were waiting, came in and graciously offered me "a posy for my baby;" +I glanced at the mother; her eye was on me! so I replied as I took +the posy, "It is not my baby, it is borrowed, sir;" which was a pity, +for it really was a miraculous bit of baby-flesh! + +Meantime, as there was no food for the body, and no prospect of any, +till evening, I tried to improve my mind by listening to the +conversation of two old farmers near, by which I learned how to choose +"a caow;" and how, even with the greatest caution, the buyer may be +awfully taken in on the milk question; also I learned "how to treat +_medder_ land," and "how to keep _them_ skippers from getting into +cheese;" after which, I heard the speaker's touching experience, in +escaping, after many year's captivity, from the thraldom of king +_Tobacco_--which came about in this wise: that "when his _woman_ did +him up a clean shirt, the bosom would allers be spiled after the first +mouthful;" also "that his neighbors' wimmen-folks, didn't like to have +their carpets spotted up, and were not overglad to see him come into +their houses, on that account; and so it came that he got disgusted +with himself, and _giv_ it up altogether"; and "it was _his_ opinion +that it was all nonsense for any feller to say he _couldn't_ break +off, when the fact was that he _wouldn't_." + +If I didn't pat the old farmer on the back, for the common sense of +that remark, it was not because I didn't fully indorse it; nor did I +fail to sympathize with his chagrin afterwards, when he remarked with +a sigh, as he looked out of the car window, "it is such a pity my farm +aint down this way. I might make my independent fortin now, selling +small notions; for instance, look at them flowers in that +_gardin_--it is astonishing how much money can be made now-a-days, +just selling _bokys_." Our farmer was very human, too, for, just then, +as we stopped for a minute, a young girl rushed up to the car-window +to say a hurried "how d'ye do," to an old man. "That's a very nice +gal, _only to get a shake of the paw_" said he, compassionately. Well, +we worried through that long day as best we might, the poor children +in the company half beside themselves with fatigue and hunger; and the +men talking loudly about "swindling railroad companies," and +threatening "to make a noise about it," when they reached their native +Frog-town. After stopping about dark at a miserable place to get a +miserable supper, we proceeded on the few remaining miles to +Pittsburg. The glowing red lights of the great smelting furnaces, +across the river, as we approached the city, looked very cheerful, +through the fog, and gave promise of the warm reception of which we +stood so greatly in need. Our troubles were over, as soon as we landed +at the principal hotel, where solid, substantial comfort as well as +luxury awaited us; in the shape of immense beds, with pillows whose +sides did not cling together for want of feathers, as is too often the +case in very pretentious hotels; in plenty of towels, in plenty of +bed-clothes, and in a lookout from the window on the "levee" and +across the river, upon the heights of Mount Washington, which we +sleepily remarked we should be sure to explore the next morning. +Fortified by a splendid night's rest, and a luxurious breakfast we +_did_ do it, spite of fog and threatening clouds. Up--up--up--till it +seemed as if, like aerial voyagers, we were leaving the world behind +us. But what a sight when we reached the summit! How like little +birds' nests looked the houses dangerously nested beneath those rocky, +perpendicular cliffs! Nor was "the solitary horseman" wanting, +"winding round the brow of the hill," for there were houses and farms, +and overhanging fruit-trees, and above all, a placard on a fence, with +the announcement that the hours for this school for the young were +from nine till twelve in the morning, and from two till four in the +afternoon. Thank heaven! said I, that there is _one place_ where +health is considered of some importance in education. Seeing a coal +mine near, my companion proposed we should penetrate a little way into +its dark depths. A lad with a donkey-cart had just preceded us, with a +small lamp fastened to his cap in front. He looked doubtfully at my +feet, and mentioned the bugbear word "dirt." I replied by gathering my +skirts in my hand, and following the donkey cart. Smutty enough we +found the reeking pit, as we inhaled the stifling, close atmosphere. +Its black sides seemed closing round me like a tomb, and when the last +ray of daylight from the entrance had quite disappeared, and only the +rumbling of the cart-wheels could be heard, like the roar of some wild +beast, and only the glimmer of the miner's lamp could be seen, like +the glare of its wild eyeball, all the woman came over me, and I +begged humbly "to be taken out!" With what satisfaction I emerged into +the daylight, and greeted the bright sun which just then shone out, +and plucked from the overhanging mouth of the dark pit, which +compassionate nature had draped fantastically with a wild vine, a +pretty blossom, which looked so strangely beautiful _there_, some of +my readers can imagine. With what zest I tried my limbs, scaled +precipices, and jumped from cliff to cliff, to make sure of, and +assert my vitality, both present and to come, in this breathing, +living, sunshiny, above-ground world of flowers and fruits and blue +sky, my astonished fellow traveller, who for the moment doubted my +sanity, will bear witness. + +And now, as to Pittsburgh itself, apart from its romantic bluffs and +their surroundings, and out of its principal hotel, which is decidedly +one of the best I ever entered, it is the dismalest, sootiest, +forlornest of cities that I ever stumbled into. Let me do justice to +the enormous peaches and very fine fruits found in its market-place. +Let me do justice to the independence of a female we saw wending her +way there, on horseback, with a basket on each side of the saddle, +beside another on her arm, not to mention a big cotton umbrella and a +horsewhip. We were to rise again, wretched fate! in the middle of that +night, to proceed to Philadelphia, on our way home. On reaching my +room, and glancing into my looking-glass, I perceived the necessity +for the unusual outlay of towels in our bed-room; for what with the +visit to the coal-pit, and general atmospheric sootiness of +Pittsburgh, my most intimate friends would scarcely have recognized +me through the black mask of my complexion. Let me, however, do +Pittsburgh this justice: it is a most picturesque and interesting +town, and well worth the intelligent, or even the curious, traveller's +visit. + + * * * * * + +Oh, the unutterable dreariness of an hotel parlor at two o'clock in +the morning, as you sleepily tumble down stairs at the call of the +inexorable "waitah" to take the midnight train of cars. How your +footsteps echo through the long, wide, empty halls, you thought so +pleasant the evening previous, with their bright lights and flitting +forms--tenanted now only by spectral rows of boots and shoes before +the doors of still happy sleepers, or by the outline form of the +swaggering Hercules who bears your trunk. Shiveringly you draw your +blanket-shawl about your shoulders, and sink down on the drawing-room +sofa, deferring till the last possible moment your egress into the +foggy, out-door air. Julius Cæsar Agrippa enters the drawing room, and +placing upon the cold silver salver a cold silver pitcher of +ice-water, politely offers you a glass. Good heavens! your hair stands +on end at the thought of it. "If it were hot coffee, now!" you faintly +mutter at him, from beneath the folds of your woollen shawl. His +repentant "Yes, ma'am, wish I had it for you," rouses you from the +contemplation of your own pitiable situation, to ask the poor wretch +(confidentially) if he has to stand there on one leg _every_ midnight, +in that way, contemplating cross travellers like yourself. Whereupon +he tells you, with a furtive glance over his shoulder, that "it is +every third night;" and just then you notice that a gentleman in the +hall, with a valise attached, has just slipped something into Julius +Cæsar's hand; and pretty soon you see another gentleman go and do +likewise, and so, gradually, it gets through your curls that it mayn't +be so bad after all, for this perquisited Julius Cæsar "to sit up +every third night:" and humiliated at having been caught the +forty-hundredth time throwing away your sympathy, you sheepishly obey +the summons to "come," and forthwith pitch into the "Black Maria" that +is waiting at the door to jolt your shivering bones to the depot. +Everybody in it looks sullen, and everybody's shoulders seem to be +buttoned on to their ears. Not even a grunt can be extorted from a +mother's son of them, by the roughest pavement. Silent, stoical +endurance is written on every Spartan! And so you are all emptied at +last, pell-mell into the cars, after kicking at offered peanuts and +cold, slimy oranges, and one by one, ties himself (you notice I use +the masculine gender) into double knots on his respective seat. + +Daylight creeps gradually on, after weary hours of twisting and +turning. Your strange male vis-á-vis has overslept himself, and you +have been, meanwhile, maliciously watching to enjoy his discomfited +waking from that awkward posture, knowing, as you well do, that vanity +has no sex. He starts, and takes a look at you; then he rubs his +eyes--combs out the pet lock of hair on his forehead with his +fingers, gives his disarranged moustache a scientific twist, +straightens out a wrinkle on his coat, turns down the collar, which +has all night harbored his nose, gets up and gently stamps his pants +down over his boots, settles his hat at the accustomed knowing angle, +draws on his gloves and looks at you, as if to say, Come now, you see +I am not such a bad looking fellow, after all! Of course you don't +notice the varlet; you are very busy just then with the "prospect." + +Between our midnight leave of Pittsburg and daylight, I was conscious, +as we darted through the fog, how much we were losing in the way of +scenery. Oh, those sublime Alleghany Mountains, and that lovely +Juniata winding round and through them. I have no words to express my +sense of their beauty, and my unalloyed delight. I trust the coroner's +inquest will be deferred on me till I drink that draught of pleasure +again. Of course, through the narrow limits of the car window, and +where one can only see one side of the way at a time, too, my +tantalization was next door to lunacy. In vain I twisted my neck, and +bobbed my bonnet, and, in child fashion grabbed at so much that I +nearly lost all. Not _all_! for enough is left to dream over with +closed eyes, when the dreary winter snows shall drive against the +windows. Had I not been strictly enjoined by _Mr._ Fern never to jump +a judgment, of a town, from a bird's-eye view out of a car window, I +should quarrel with Harrisburg, situated in that gem of a valley, for +resting so satisfied with nature's work, as to ignore any adornment +of art, as well as with some _other_ places near, and for the same +reason. Come to think of it, I _will_ assert my feminine right to +declare that it is a shabby little town, and a disgrace to those +kingly mountains, and Mr. Fern may like or dislike it. + +Profiting by our experience of a day's compulsory fast from Cleveland +to Pittsburg, we bargained with the head-waiter at the latter place, +to fit us out with a lunch-basket, thus rendering us independent of +the way-stations, where half the time is spent in fumbling out your +money, and the rest in making change, the whistle sounding just as you +get possession of your knife and fork. As hot tea and coffee are now +sold _on the platform_, quite independent of the general scrambling +feeding-room, if your luncheon-basket is furnished with a cup or mug +to put it in, you may of course snap your fingers at fate. Railroad +people and way station providers have jointly themselves to thank for +being outwitted by the well-provided "luncheon-basket;" the +convenience of which, especially where there are children in the +party, and about one waiter in the feeding hall to two dozen people, +and ten minutes to fight for food is plainly manifest; not to speak of +the economy as it regards temper and digestion. Let me do justice, +however, to _one_ obscure way-station, where a friend and myself were +the fortunate discoverers of a squirrel-pie, with which, alas! we had +all too brief an acquaintance. A certain "Oliver Twist" near us, +scenting the secret, called for "more;" whereupon the buxom young +woman in attendance replied, "that she was sorry, but the _squirl_-pie +was all _out_." It struck me that the word _in_ would have been more +significant, but I didn't mention it. + + * * * * * + +I don't think my worst enemy can say that I am often betrayed in +showing politeness to females. I trust I know my own sex too well, so +miserably to waste my time. Once, on my journey, I waived this well +known article in my creed, in favor of an unprotected one who was +seated next me at table. Every woman but herself, had one of the male +species to stand between her and the--"how not to do it"--landlord and +his satellites;--to have been more truthful I should have put this +last word in the singular number. There was nothing preposessing about +the woman; she was wiry and angular, and had a horrible trick of +snuffing; perhaps it was all these that made me insane enough to pity +her, as she sat there gazing into her empty plate, with a sort of dumb +despair. What goodness may be enshrined in that repulsive face and +form, I said to myself; how tenderly she may, in happier days, when +younger and more attractive, have been watched and cared for; and how +wretched to have only the _memory_ of such things in this solitary +place; so I just snatched some eggs that after unheard efforts to +obtain, Mr. Fern had fondly hoped to regale himself upon, and offered +them to her. Did that female thank me by a word, or even a glance? Ye +gods? Didn't she take those eggs as if she had laid them herself? +"Good enough for you Fanny," muttered I; "one would think you were old +enough by this time, to know better." I didn't say any wicked words; +it is not my way. Shortly after, the damsel who waited on us, and who +employed the intervals when dishes were preparing in running up stairs +to attend to her toilet:--First course being, no hoop, and +bread-and-butter. Second course, crinoline and poached eggs. Third +course, ear-rings and mutton-chop. Fourth course, ringlets and +apple-pie;--this girl, I say, sat before me, at my own private, +personal request, a plate of tea-biscuit. The unprotected female +looked at them--so did I. Presently she poked me in the ribs and +imperatively requested "_them_ biscuit." Shade of Lindley Murray! you +should have seen how civilly I informed her that they were destined +for my luncheon-basket, but that doubtless the damsel in waiting would +attend to any of _her_ orders for food, as she had to mine. You should +have seen the "unprotected female" at that moment. She was a panting, +panther-like, gasping monument of philanthropy ill-directed.--Peace to +her irate bones. + +The butter, cheese, and other dairy (I wonder if the type-setters will +print this _daily_) delicacies of Philadelphia, are no longer a matter +of marvel to me, after travelling through Pennsylvania, and viewing +its admirable farms, unencumbered by a weed or stone or thistle, and +as far as foliage and fruit gave evidence, by any noxious vegetable +insect; and enclosed by fences in perfect order and repair. Not an +unsightly object about barn, house or garden; the very genius of +thrift and neatness seemed pervading and presiding over all. It was +indeed a delight to see them, although I was not unaware of the years +of patient, careful tillage which had brought them to such a point of +perfection. True--there might have been more flowers and vines, about +their very neat dwellings, without endangering the Quaker's title to a +seat among the blessed in a future state; for I never _will_ believe +that if He who made this bright world, approved of universal drab, he +would have tinted the rose such a beautiful pink, or the morning-glory +such a heavenly blue, or the grass such a cool, eye-satisfying-green; +but for all that, were I queen of the country, the Quakers should +believe and wear what they pleased, as I would myself. + +We entered Philadelphia just at sunset, and rattled through Chestnut +Street just as it was looking its brightest and best with its +well-stocked shops, its belles and its beaux, and its bran-new +Continental, where we longed to stop, had we not given our word to +reach New York that night. I liked Philadelphia from the first moment +I put my foot there, some years ago. + +It always seemed so cosy, home-like,--and comfortable; one might, one +thinks, be so domestic and sensible there, while in New York it is +next to impossible to be sensible, with the very best intentions. So +I left Philadelphia with real regret, thinking of friends to whom I +would gladly have said, even a brief "how d'ye do." May I be allowed +to ask who invented the torturing style of cars from Philadelphia to +New York, with wooden panels where windows should be, and seats +divided off into spaces, narrow as a bigot's creed? It may be all very +well for spinsters and bachelors, but as I don't belong to either +class, and as I like a shoulder to sleep on when I have travelled +since the previous midnight, it was just simply infamous to shut me +off, and bar me up from it by that ridiculous partition; in vain I +bobbed my bonnet, and got a crick in my neck, trying to reach the +shoulder to which I was legally entitled without a permit from any +railroad company. In vain I doubled my travelling shawl and piled it +on that shoulder, and tried to annex my head to it that way; in vain I +rose in my might and looked viciously at the wooden pane which should +have been a window, and whimpered out, "Oh I'm _so_ tired!" in vain +Mr. Fern and I corkscrewed ourselves into all sorts of shapes, and +asked each other, with a grim attempt at jest, "if they called that an +accommodation train." Thank heaven, said I, if we _do_ live to reach +New York, a hot supper and a warm welcome awaits us! And now, seated +at ease in mine inn, I wish to wind up these articles with a whisper +to landlords generally: + +First:--Don't _always_ fasten the looking-glass in a lady's bed-room +in the very _darkest_ corner, or attach it to some lumbering piece of +furniture incapable of being moved, save by an earthquake. + +Secondly:--Give ladies four bed-pillows instead of two, until geese +yield more feathers. + +Thirdly:--Banish forever, with other tortures of the Inquisition, that +infernal "gong," (excuse the expression,) which has had so much to do +in filling our Lunatic Asylums. + + +THE END. + + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Notes: + +A few obvious misprints have been corrected, but in general the +original spelling has been retained (for example, "of tourse," +"beneneath," etc.). Inconsistent use of hyphens was also left +unchanged. + +Contents page: "MOURNING" p. 240; This was treated as a chapter in the +text, but was missing from the Contents Page. It has been added. Other +slight variations between the Contents list and Chapter headings were +left as in the original. + +P. 284, paragraph immediately before "Last week a philanthropist" +ended with in-line asterisks and an extra blank line--the only case in +this text, and not an apparent thought-break. I have included those +asterisks and blank line as in the original for the reader's +interpretation. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Folly as It Flies, by Fanny Fern + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40263 *** |