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diff --git a/40260-0.txt b/40260-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..95759c0 --- /dev/null +++ b/40260-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3961 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40260 *** + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustration. + See 40260-h.htm or 40260-h.zip: + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/40260/40260-h/40260-h.htm) + or + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/40260/40260-h.zip) + + + Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive. See + http://archive.org/details/cu31924027487747 + + + + + +[Illustration: Leo Tolstoy, 1910] + + +THE LAST DAYS OF TOLSTOY + +by + +VLADIMIR TCHERTKOFF + +Translated from the Russian by Nathalie A. Duddington + + + + + + + +1922 +London: William Heinemann + +Printed in Great Britain + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE +Introduction ix + +Public opinion demands that facts with regard to Tolstoy's going +away should be revealed--The conditions of Tolstoy's life were +a test of his consistency--Why is it necessary to publish the +circumstances of his going away?--The importance of Tolstoy's +example--Misrepresentation of the causes of his going away--The +moral duty of his friends to defend his memory--My task. + + +PART I + +WHY TOLSTOY DID NOT LEAVE HIS HOME 1 + +(Letter to H. Dosev) + +Dosev's mistake, common to many--Tolstoy's true motives--His +independence of the opinion of men--The limit of his yielding--In +order to go away he had to feel the necessity for doing so--It was +easier to go than to remain--Tolstoy's sufferings at Yasnaya Polyana +(from his intimate diary)--The mistake of passing censure upon his +life at Yasnaya--He fulfilled that which God required of him--His +love for his wife and his confidence in her--His self-sacrifice for +her sake--We must believe in his conscientiousness--The heroism of +his life in his family. + + +PART II + +WHY TOLSTOY WENT AWAY + +Chapter I.--The conditions of life at Yasnaya Polyana 18 + +Wealthy surroundings--False position in the eyes of men--Spiritual +break with his wife. + +Chapter II.--Change for the worse in his wife's attitude to him 26 + +Change for the worse in the conditions of life at Yasnaya with +regard to the management of the estate, to the relations with the +peasants, and in his wife's attitude to him--Tolstoy gives up +landed property--His readiness to go away and the causes of his +delay in making a final decision. + +Chapter III.--The history of the will 32 + +Tolstoy's attitude to property in general and to literary property +in particular--His differences with his wife on that score--Tolstoy's +firmness in renouncing the copyright of his works--His wife's +opposition--Short history of the drawing up of the will. + +Chapter IV.--Intervals of rest--in other people's houses 48 + +Mental and physical revival--Creative work. + +Chapter V.--The last period 52 + +Summer of 1910--Period of suffering that undermined his health. + +Chapter VI.--Mental agony 58 + +Tolstoy's disappointment at the impossibility of awakening his wife's +spiritual consciousness--Recognition that his further stay at Yasnaya +Polyana is unnecessary--The harm that his staying there did to Sofya +Andreyevna. + +Chapter VII.--The night of Tolstoy's going away 63 + +The last touch--Preparations and departure--Entries in the diary. + +Chapter VIII.--Tolstoy's relation to his wife 67 + +Letters to her in 1897 and after his departure--Reasons why he did +not wish to see her. + +Chapter IX.--The motives that decided his going away 78 + +The last straw--Mistaken judgments about Tolstoy's going away. + +Chapter X.--The significance of Tolstoy's going away and of the +whole spiritual achievement of his life 86 + +The one desire of his life, to do the will of God--The inevitability +of the end. + + +PART III + +TOLSTOY'S ATTITUDE TO HIS SUFFERINGS 94 + +The growth of his inner consciousness during the second period of his +life. Extracts from the diary for 1884--Differences with his wife--On +the border of despair--Feeling of solitude--Memory of his mother and +his longing for her (1906)--Striving after God. Extracts from diary +and letters from 1889-1910--Family trials--The cross of his life, till +the end--His words about Sofya Andreyevna and consciousness of his +guilt (from a conversation with, and the letters to Tchertkoff)--The +mystery of another's soul--Tolstoy's thoughts that give a general +meaning to his interpretation of suffering ("The Reading-Cycle," +"The Way of Life"). + +Appendix I 139 + +The inevitable one-sidedness of quotations made from Tolstoy's +writings for the purposes of the present narrative--His many-sided +personality--His power of controlling his sufferings and his natural +joy of life--The attainment of the true good. + +Appendix II 143 + +My personal attitude to Tolstoy's wife--The experience and +observation of thirty years--My task is not to censure anyone +but to vindicate truth. + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +So much misunderstanding, misrepresentation, partiality and personal +prejudice has accumulated in connection with the last years and days +of Leo Nikolaevitch Tolstoy's life, that before starting upon this +first detailed account of his "going away" I find myself compelled, +at the risk of wearying the reader's patience, to begin with a +somewhat lengthy introduction. + +Now that Tolstoy's wife[1] is dead, the chief obstacle to revealing +the true causes of his going away from Yasnaya Polyana is removed. +Like other friends of Leo Nikolaevitch, I have said nothing for ten +years. During this time many people, some of them particularly +deserving of confidence and respect, have asked me to publish all +that I know about this event. As an instance I will quote a letter +from Mrs. Mayo, a well-known English authoress and admirer of +Tolstoy.[2] + + "_Old Aberdeen, + Scotland, + Jan. 17, 1914._ + +"Dear Mr. Tchertkoff, + +"Some of us in Great Britain feel that the time has come when it is +highly desirable that we should hear the story of the tragedy which +beset the last years of Leo Tolstoy's life, from one who was in its +scene. + +"We can understand and respect your reticence up to this point. But +now so many rumours, derogatory to Tolstoy, and therefore likely to +diminish the weight of his teaching, are spreading over the world, +and seem to be the subject of a very active propaganda even in this +country. + +"Hitherto, however, we have heard little or nothing save from those +who were notoriously out of sympathy with his principles, and who did +not scruple to put obstacles in the way of the carrying out of his +last will. + +"Further, it has been unfortunate that the _Life of Tolstoy_ best +known in Britain is the work of one who, far from being a disciple, +is not even a neutral or impartial recorder, but is in flat +antagonism to Tolstoy's leading principle of non-resistance to evil +by violence. + +"Therefore we appeal to you, Tolstoy's personal friend and +fellow-worker, that you should let us hear the facts of the case as +you saw them. + +"Some of us feel that Tolstoy's own works explain enough. I remember +when I read the last page of the paper 'Living and Dying,' in his +_Three Days in the Village_, written only a few months before his +death, I realised that Tolstoy's spiritual anguish was being strained +almost beyond endurance. + +"Again, I repeat that we all deeply respect the reticence you have +hitherto maintained. But there is a time to speak and a time to keep +silent. History shows us again and again how impossible it is to +unearth the truth when eye-witnesses are gone. Thus are engendered +the most misleading and mischievous myths. + +"I trust that you will give this matter your deepest consideration, +and I remain, + + "Yours with much regard, + (Mrs.) "Isabella Fyvie Mayo." + +I have received many such requests, both spoken and written, from +many different people, some of whom were noted for their tact and +reserve, and whose opinion therefore carried special weight in this +delicate matter. Nevertheless I could not make up my mind. + +I feel that the time has come at last to speak openly of what I know. +I approach my task with no light heart, but with a full consciousness +of the moral responsibility which it involves. In doing so I have but +one wish: to say nothing that is superfluous or out of date, and to +keep back nothing which I feel it my duty to Leo Nikolaevitch and to +other people to reveal. + +In Leo Nikolaevitch Tolstoy's life two circumstances deserve special +notice. In the first place, the immediate external conditions in +which he was placed--that is, all he had to endure in his family life +and home surroundings--seemed to be specially designed as a severe +trial for him. If someone wanted to put to a practical test Leo +Nikolaevitch's sincerity, consistency and spiritual strength in +carrying out his conception of life, he could not have placed him +in conditions more suited for the purpose than those in which +Leo Nikolaevitch lived for the last thirty years of his life. +Secondly, it is remarkable that Leo Nikolaevitch bore this trial +irreproachably, though it was more severe than anyone unacquainted +with his intimate life could suppose. + +There was a time when all educated Russians imagined, in their +spiritual blindness, that Tolstoy's "easy" life in Yasnaya Polyana +was a fresh example of the inconsistency with which great thinkers +fail to apply to themselves the lofty truths they preach. Tolstoy's +enemies rejoiced, and regarded his supposed inconsistency as a proof +of his theory being inapplicable in practice. His friends found +extenuating circumstances for his guilt, and thought that we should +be grateful to Tolstoy for the spiritual food he had given us, and +not be too hard upon his human weaknesses. And yet during all this +time, with a firmness which nothing could shake, and sometimes at the +cost of incredible suffering, Leo Nikolaevitch was carrying on the +most heroic work of self-abnegation, consistency and self-restraint +of which man is capable. He realised in his actions and in all his +personal life that which he preached, and both in his life and his +death he exemplified the complete renunciation of all personal +desires and the whole-hearted service of God, in which he believed +the purpose and the meaning of human life to consist. + +I am well aware that this assertion may appear to be an exaggeration. +Some readers will be inclined to ascribe my words to the natural +enthusiasm of a "Tolstoyan" for his "teacher." Fortunately, however, +I have at my disposal a wealth of documentary material which +irrefutably confirms the truth of my words. I hope, in due time, to +publish this material as well as my own observations and facts known +to me with regard to Leo Nikolaevitch's family life as a whole. + +Written documents which I have in my keeping sufficiently reveal the +general character of the conditions in which Leo Nikolaevitch had to +live. But if there were only these data to go upon, one would have to +resign oneself to inevitable blanks and omissions. The readers would +have to treat these documents like learned investigators treat +their historical material--that is, to fill up the blanks with +their own surmises, to connect the disconnected, and to reconcile +contradictions in accordance with their personal predilections and +the degree of their inventiveness. Among the extensive material +relating to Tolstoy's life there already exist, and will no doubt +appear in the future, communications which more or less misrepresent +the facts and even contain downright falsehoods. To the malicious joy +of Tolstoy's enemies there has already accumulated a whole +literature which depicts his personality, his life, his "going away" +and his death in a totally perverted manner, and is full of shameless +slander. + +Under such circumstances, the future biographers of Tolstoy would +have--as is usually the case--to steer a middle course between all +the contradictory data in their possession. In doing so they will +not be able to avoid the misleading influence of the unreliable +documents--and this, indeed, is already noticeable in some of the +recent biographies. In view of this, it is particularly important +that some contemporary of Tolstoy who was particularly intimate with +him, enjoyed his full confidence and had a first-hand knowledge of +the true conditions of his home life, should leave a consecutive +exposition of all the relevant and well-authenticated facts. It is +desirable, too, that this person should not be one of Tolstoy's +relatives, and would therefore be free from all family prejudices and +predilections. + +Not in virtue of any personal merits, but only owing to certain +external circumstances, I satisfy these conditions, and cannot help +feeling that fate itself lays upon me the moral duty of undertaking +such a work. + +A detailed account is necessary not only for the sake of "historical +accuracy" in the biography of the great man; it is needed in the +interests of humanity in order to preserve in all its intact +wholeness the striking example of Tolstoy's life; for this life +incontestably proves the possibility of carrying out in practice the +lofty truths to which he gave verbal expression. + +It would be a mistake to agree with only such truths as are +proclaimed by men who perfectly realise in the practice of their own +lives that which they preach. It is part of our nature that a man may +be clearly conscious of truths so lofty that it is beyond his power +to put them into practice. They may be practised by his +contemporaries who have more strength than he has, or by future +generations who will have attained a higher degree of moral +perfection. But it is also part of our nature that the example of a +man who realises in his own conduct, in spite of any privations and +suffering, and even at the cost of his life, that which he preaches, +always arouses the enthusiastic sympathy of others, and becomes a +powerful help and encouragement to many who strive to follow the +ideals proclaimed by such a man. + +Even if in his personal life Tolstoy were inconsistent and failed to +live up to his own convictions, he would still deserve our profound +gratitude for the enormous, immeasurable impetus which, by his +intellectual work, he has given to the development of human +consciousness. But it has pleased destiny to create in the person of +Tolstoy not only a thinker of genius, but also a man of great moral +heroism. It is therefore very important to preserve the most exact +information about his personal life, especially about that side of it +which called for most self-sacrifice on his part and made him suffer +most in carrying out his principles in practice. Finally, I was led +to undertake the present work by my personal relation to Leo +Nikolaevitch. Our intimate friendship of many years' standing, my +ardent devotion and love for him in his lifetime, and now my devotion +to his memory, infinitely dear to me, my respect and reverence for +the Divine Principle which expressed itself in him with such power +and purity--all make me eager to do my utmost to preserve for men +in all its striking, untarnished brilliance the truth about the +greatness of his moral achievement. Since there are people to whom +this truth is unpleasant or damaging, and who seek to pervert or +conceal it in every way, making wild inventions about Leo +Nikolaevitch, or demanding that truth shall not be revealed, surely +it behoves his most intimate friends to champion his memory and +preserve his noble image from pollution or distortion. + +Now that Leo Nikolaevitch's widow, for whose sake we have refrained +from publishing the facts, is no longer alive, it is not only +permissible for us, his friends, to come forward in his defence but, +in view of all that has happened, it is our bounden duty to tell the +truth about his life and death, so as to counteract all the slanders +that have been set going by his enemies.[3] + +I have also heard another argument from persons who would have +preferred, for the sake of their vanity, that Tolstoy's family +tragedy should have remained secret. They said that Leo Nikolaevitch +himself never defended himself against those who slandered him. He +preferred to bear the censure of public opinion rather than reveal +the painful conditions of his life and allow others to be blamed +instead of himself. And therefore, they say, after his death his +friends ought to follow his example. + +It is impossible to agree with this. One may well understand that Leo +Nikolaevitch concealed his sufferings. He drew strength and derived +satisfaction from the consciousness that he was living not before +men, but before God. Far from standing in need of human approbation, +he thought that unjust condemnation on the part of men was good for +him in so far as it forcibly drove him to that road upon which one +has nothing but the voice of God in one's own soul for guidance. But +does this mean that we too must say nothing about Tolstoy's heroic +life and conceal his moral rectitude now, when he is not among us? + +We have not, cannot have, and ought not to have, the same motives +which in this respect influenced him. It is good for me, for my soul, +to be unjustly condemned owing to the fact that I do not want to +justify myself and am sparing the real culprit. But there is nothing +good in my being silent when another person is unjustly condemned or +slandered in my presence, while I have the means of proving his +innocence. Leo Nikolaevitch had grounds for not justifying himself +before men; but we have no grounds whatever for concealing that which +does justify him. In the present case we ought to be guided, not by +the thought of ourselves in his place if he were alive, but by the +immediate voice of our own heart and reason, which demands that we +should defend the friend whose memory is being reviled before our +eyes. + +These are the reasons that have led me to undertake the biographical +work of which the present narrative of Tolstoy's going away forms, so +to speak, only one separate chapter. + +All the events of cosmic life are so inextricably interwoven that, +were it possible to change in the past some one of them, even the +apparently most insignificant, it would be necessary to change at +the same time absolutely all the other concurrent and preceding +circumstances. Therefore in order to investigate fully the conditions +which have occasioned this or that event in a person's life, one +would have to consider the whole past history of mankind, both the +external and the internal or spiritual. And since it is impossible +even in thought to embrace all this infinite number of facts, it +must be admitted that it is utterly beyond our power to determine all +the causes that have produced this or that event in the life of a +particular individual. + +Thus in the story of Tolstoy's "going away" which occupies us now, no +investigation, however careful, can exhaust all the outer and inner +circumstances, receding into an endless past, that have brought about +the event in question. Besides, even in the domain of Tolstoy's +personal life which admits of inquiry, the direct and indirect causes +of his "going away" are so numerous and many-sided that it is beyond +the power of a single individual to make an exhaustive enumeration of +them. The colouring given in such cases to the circumstances under +investigation and the very drift of the inquiry depend so largely +upon the personal point of view and the mood of the writer, that, try +as he may to be impartial, his selection and treatment of causes will +inevitably be more or less one-sided. Therefore in order to bring to +light the causes of Tolstoy's "going away," it is extremely important +that the greatest possible number of his contemporaries should record +and preserve for future generations the facts known to them as well +as their thoughts and reminiscences; and it is desirable, too, that +this should be done particularly by those of them who had occasion to +stand nearest to Tolstoy's personal and family life. A true history +of Tolstoy's life must be preserved in the greatest possible fullness +for future generations. His contemporaries, and in the first place +his relatives, personal friends and co-workers, ought not to neglect +this important task laid upon them by fate itself. + +So far as I am concerned, I quite realise that the small beginning +which I venture to make with the present narrative is only a drop in +the sea of all the facts, observations and deductions which it would +be desirable to gather together before Tolstoy's contemporaries leave +the scene of this earthly life.[4] + +In composing the present book I have tried to distinguish as sharply +as possible between: (1) facts and circumstances which I knew for +certain, and therefore have stated them without any reservations; (2) +facts and circumstances of the certainty of which I personally am +convinced, though I do not consider myself entitled to affirm them +unconditionally, and state them with some reservations; (3) +circumstances surmised by me on the ground of certain data which I +quote herewith; and (4) my personal opinions, considerations and +reflections upon the facts quoted. + +Being compelled in the present narrative to be as brief as possible, +I am unable to substantiate all my assertions by documentary and +other evidence in my possession. I am therefore addressing myself +here only to such readers who can take my word for it that I give out +as facts only that which is known to me for certain, and do not +permit myself any embellishments or exaggeration. But in the other, +still unwritten, book to which I have referred, _Tolstoy's Moral +Achievement_, the subject of his family life as a whole will be +extensively treated and I shall quote my data in full. + +If I often permit myself to include in the narrative my personal +valuation of the events, this is certainly not because I want to +force my own opinions on the reader instead of barely stating the +facts and letting him draw his own conclusions. I quite recognise the +advantages of a so-called objective narrative, but it was not what in +the present case I had in view. As I have mentioned already, my +purpose in writing this book was to contradict the slanders against +Leo Nikolaevitch and the misinterpretations of his conduct. I do not +doubt that the majority of my readers will consider my selection of +facts and my interpretation of them one-sided. Let, then, other +investigators of the same subject interpret the facts each from his +own point of view. The more such narratives are published, the less +risk there will be of the reader receiving a one-sided impression, +and the more free he will be to draw his own conclusions. + +As to a detailed objective exposition of all the circumstances +connected with Tolstoy's "going away," I believe that, desirable as +it is, the time for it has not yet come, for the persons who possess +most information on the subject have not yet had time to publish the +numerous and varied details known to them. Let us hope that they will +not put off this task for so long that they will be dead before they +have fulfilled it. And if my present contribution will induce them +also to give out something of what they know, even if it were solely +with the object of contradicting me, I should be very glad of it, as +indeed of any corrections of my work that anyone might wish to make. +It is far better that the matter should be thoroughly thrashed out +between the eye-witnesses rather than--as often happens with the +lives of distinguished men--it should become, in future ages, the +subject of an extensive polemic literature which seldom succeeds in +getting at truth. It seems to me that only when there appear the +greatest possible number of additional communications on the same +subject shall we be able to work out, from all the accumulated +material, that really objective and trustworthy account of Tolstoy's +"going away" which is so necessary in order to give men a true idea +of the spiritual achievement of his life. + + V. Tchertkoff. + + _Moscow, Lefortovsky pereulok, 7. + January 1922._ + + +FOOTNOTES + +[1] Sofya Andreyevna Tolstoy, who died in November, 1919. In +Appendix II, at the end of the present volume, I explain what +attitude towards Sofya Andreyevna I adopt in the present narrative. + +[2] Isabella Fyvie Mayo. + +[3] In this connection I venture to quote here a small extract +from my article entitled "Should the truth about Tolstoy's going +away be told?" (published in the magazine _Tolstoy's Voice and +Unity_, N 3 (15)). + +"The conditions under which Leo Nikolaevitch Tolstoy left Yasnaya +Polyana and died on the journey at a railway station were, as +everyone knows, quite exceptional. And yet, though it happened ten +years ago, mankind does not to this day know the true causes of this +event. Both in Russia and abroad the actual reasons that drove a man +like Leo Tolstoy to leave his family are unknown, and so everyone +invented his own reasons and published all sorts of fictions. Some +have maintained that Tolstoy longed to be received once more into the +Orthodox Church and wanted to save his soul in a monastery. Some +insisted that as he grew old his intellect grew so weak that he did +not know what he was doing, and, instinctively feeling the approach +of death, went off without any definite purpose. Others observed with +satisfaction that at the end of his life, at any rate, Tolstoy +succeeded in overcoming his attachment to his family and his bondage +to wealthy surroundings, and in doing what in accordance with his +convictions he ought to have done long ago. Others, on the contrary, +regretted that he had not the strength to endure the trials of his +home life to the end, and that, revolted at the behaviour of his +family, he lost his spiritual balance and failed in his duty to his +relatives. There is no enumerating all the guesses and suppositions +that were spread by people who attempted during the last ten years to +solve the riddle of Tolstoy's 'going away,' or who intentionally +perverted the truth. Quite recently in his book on Tolstoy (which has +already been translated into foreign languages), Maxim Gorky, with +his usual amazing rashness in dealing with subjects which he does not +know or fails to understand, thought it fit, by the side of other +absurdities about Tolstoy, to inform the world that Leo Nikolaevitch +left Yasnaya Polyana 'with the despotic intention of increasing the +oppressive influence of his religious ideas' and 'compelling people +to accept them,' and that he, Maxim Gorky, does not approve of such +behaviour. + +"I owe it to my friend's memory to show how ill-grounded are the +accusations and the slanders with which men, misinformed as to the +circumstances of his life, or opposed to his theories, tried to +besmirch his name. I naturally want to do my utmost to reinstate in +all its beauty and purity the spiritual image of him to whom I am +indebted so much for his love and moral assistance." + +[4] In connection with the Tolstoy Museum in Moscow +(Pretchistenka 11) a circle has been formed with the object, partly, +of collecting and preserving such communications. Some of them may, +with the author's consent, be published in the _Viestnik_. + + + + +PART I + +WHY TOLSTOY DID NOT LEAVE HIS HOME + +(_From a letter to H. Dosev, October 19, 1910_[5]) + + +Dear Dosev, + +I feel that I must protest against what you say in your last letter +in connection with Leo Nikolaevitch. + +Among other things you say of him: "Nothing is worse than slavery. +And worse still is slavery to a spoilt child who has been spoilt by +oneself. But I know nothing worse in the world than being enslaved to +an irrational, self-willed woman who is convinced that her slave +husband will do whatever she chooses. Is not Sofya Andreyevna such +a woman, and is not Leo Nikolaevitch in slavery to her? His +submissiveness to Sofya Andreyevna I regard not as a virtue but as a +weakness. He makes concessions to her through fear of sinning against +love; but in doing this is he not sinning against the great love? +You know she keeps him away from his friends, from the peasants, +from humanity; she makes him live the revolting life of a wealthy +landowner. I do not reproach Leo Nikolaevitch, I do not condemn +him--I love and respect him too much. But I am sorry for him. I am +sorry for his whole life, and for his great teaching, which has not +passed in vain for himself and for those near him, but which will +pass in vain for the peasants and for humanity; for his external life +blurs all the significance and meaning of his words and thoughts in +men's eyes." + +You conclude with the words: "Do not be hurt by my words. I +repeat--this is the expression not of censure, but of the pain of a +man who loves him. And so if there is something I don't see rightly, +you and all the others and Leo Nikolaevitch must forgive me. The +greatest joy of my life is my love for him and for all of you, +friends of the spirit." + +Just because I believe in the sincerity of your love for Leo +Nikolaevitch, and know that he too loves you, just because of that I +feel irresistibly impelled to answer those words of yours, dear +friend. You really do not "see rightly," and are mistaken in assuming +slavishness and inconsistency in Leo Nikolaevitch. On the contrary, +he displays in his attitude to Sofya Andreyevna the greatest +freedom--freedom from anxiety about the opinion of men, and the +highest consistency--the determination to do, according to the +measure of his powers and understanding, not his own will but the +will of God. And for the sake of doing this will of God he is ready +to endure any personal sufferings of his own and any human censure +and disgrace. + +You are mistaken in supposing that Leo Nikolaevitch does whatever +Sofya Andreyevna wishes. On the contrary, there is a limit beyond +which he does not give way to her. He does not give way to her when +she demands from him what is distinctly against his conscience. And +it is just because he does not give way entirely, but adheres to this +limit in his concessions--it is just through that, that he has so +much to put up with from Sofya Andreyevna. + +During the last ten years of his life Leo Nikolaevitch has often +thought of leaving his wife, and has more than once been on the verge +of taking that step. It is still perfectly possible that he will take +it in the end if he becomes convinced that his remaining with his +wife is not attaining his object, but merely exciting her, and +encouraging her in her exactingness and tyranny. But to do this he +must clearly and unmistakably recognise in his conscience that he +_ought_ to leave her. That he has not hitherto left her is not at all +because it is more agreeable or more convenient to live in her house, +it is not at all through weakness of character or dread of disobeying +her; but, believe me, solely because he is not yet sufficiently +convinced that he _ought_ to go away, and does not feel that it is +God's will that he should go. For him personally it would be so much +more agreeable, peaceful and in every way convenient to go away, that +he is afraid of acting selfishly, of doing what is easier for +himself, and of refusing through cowardice to bear the trials laid +upon him. + +If he did leave Yasnaya Polyana at his advanced age, and with his +infirmities, he could not now live by manual labour. Nor could he go +staff in hand about the world and fall ill and die somewhere by the +high-road, or as a passing pilgrim in a peasant's hut. He could not +do it simply from affection for those who love him, for his daughters +and the friends who are near him in heart and spirit--however +attractive such an end might be for him himself, and however +theatrically splendid it might seem to the crowd which at present +censures him. He could not without being cruel refuse to settle in +some modest abode where, without the help of servants, they could do +his housework for him, surrounding him with the affection and care +necessary at his age, giving him the opportunity of associating +without hindrance with the working people whom he loves so much, and +from whom he is at present completely cut off. Why, such a free, +quiet life would be a real paradise for him in comparison with the +prison in which he has to live now! + +It will be asked why he does not accept for himself these happy +surroundings so easily within his reach, seeing that his wife has, +one would have thought, given him long ago sufficient ground for +leaving her house. Why does he not now, at least, in the decline of +his age, cast off the heavy burden which in the person of Sofya +Andreyevna he has been bearing on his shoulders for thirty years, +sometimes almost sinking under its weight? It is obvious that if he +does not do this it is not from weakness or cowardice, and it is not +from selfishness; but, on the contrary, from a feeling of duty, from +a manly determination to remain at his post to the very end, +sacrificing his preferences and his personal happiness for the sake +of doing what he considers to be the divine will. + +In July, 1908, Leo Nikolaevitch passed through one of those agonising +spiritual crises, provoked by Sofya Andreyevna, which with him +nearly always ended in serious illness. So it was on this occasion. +Immediately after it he fell ill, and for some time after it was +almost at death's door. I quote a few extracts from his diary in the +days just before his illness. + +"_July 2, 1908._--If I had heard of myself as an outsider--of a man +living in luxury, wringing all he can out of the peasants, locking +them up in prison, while preaching and professing Christianity and +giving away coppers, and for all his loathsome actions sheltering +himself behind his dear wife, I should not hesitate to call him a +blackguard! And that is just what I need that I may be set free from +the praises of men and live for my soul.... + +"_July 2, 1908._--Doubts have come into my mind whether I do right to +be silent, and even whether it would not be better for me to go away, +to disappear. I refrain from doing this principally because it would +be for _my own sake_, in order to escape from a life poisoned on +every side. I believe that the endurance of this life is needful for +me.... + +"_July 3, 1908._--It is still as agonising, life here in Yasnaya +Polyana is completely poisoned. Wherever I turn, it is shame and +suffering.... + +"_July 6, 1908._--Help me, O Lord! Again I long to go away, and I do +not make up my mind to; but do not give up the idea. The great point +is: whether I would be doing it for my own sake if I went away. That +I am not doing it for my own sake in staying I know.... + +"_July 9, 1908._--One thing grows more and more agonising; the +injustice of the senseless luxury in the midst of which I am living +with undeserved poverty and want all around. I feel worse and worse, +more and more wretched. I cannot forget, I cannot help seeing...." + +I remember on one of these days Leo Nikolaevitch returning from a +solitary walk in the woods with that expression of joyful +inspiration which so often illumined his face of late years, and +meeting me with the words: + +"I have been thinking a great deal and very deeply. And it has become +so clear to me that when one stands at the parting of the ways and +does not know how to act, one ought always to give the preference to +the decision which involves more self-sacrifice." + +From all this it is evident how deeply Leo Nikolaevitch feels his +position, how passionately he longs at times to throw off his yoke +and at the same time with what sincerity and self-sacrifice he is +seeking not his own comfort, but only one thing--the clear +understanding of how he ought to act before his conscience, before +his God, to whose service he had devoted his life not in word alone +but in deed also. + +After this how short-sighted, how unjust and cruel seem +utterances--especially on the lips of a loved and loving friend of +Leo Nikolaevitch's, as you are--such as that you look upon his +submission to Sofya Andreyevna not as a virtue but as a weakness. +We may suppose that in Leo Nikolaevitch's place we should act +differently, though it would be difficult for us to say whether in +so acting we should be doing better or worse than he. We cannot +understand all that is passing in his soul, and so we may be +perplexed by some of his actions. But I at least cannot help feeling +the greatest respect for the pure, self-sacrificing impulses by which +he is guided. I cannot help feeling complete confidence in him on +this question, for if anyone, sacrificing all his personal needs and +pleasures, and regardless of his suffering and privations, whatever +they may be, tries unswervingly to follow the dictates of his +conscience, he is doing all that can be expected of a human being, +and no one has the right to condemn, nor need anyone be anxious +about him. You see, for us, looking on Leo Nikolaevitch's life from +outside, it appears in reality as an external phenomenon which we can +consider according to our mood. In our moments of leisure we venture +to criticise Leo Nikolaevitch and his manner of life and to decide +on its value, as though it were far easier for us to grasp and +understand it, than it is for him. "Another man's trouble I can +handle easily, but my own is beyond my comprehension." We forget that +for us it is only a subject of criticism about which we may have +one opinion or another--a question concerning which we may on +occasion argue and bring forward the _pros_ and _cons_. But for +Leo Nikolaevitch it is a question of _conscience_, it is the very +business of his life, it is that into which he is putting all his +soul, all his understanding. What grounds have we for imagining that +we outsiders, who know ourselves to be greatly inferior to Leo +Nikolaevitch spiritually, are capable of understanding his life +better and deciding more conscientiously for him how he ought to act +than he can himself, though he is seeking guidance for his conduct +day and night before God? + +Let his enemies vent their malice over his seemingly humiliating +position; let narrow-minded and short-sighted "Tolstoyans," who have +neither spiritual penetration nor the delicate intuition of the +heart, condemn him or bestow their patronising pity on him; but we, +his real friends, who are of one spirit with him, who understand by +what he is living, and are struggling towards the same goal as he, +we, dear Dosev, ought to have more faith and trust in him. + +As you are aware, none of Leo Nikolaevitch's friends suffers more +from Leo Nikolaevitch's relations with Sofya Andreyevna than my wife +and I, for they deprive us of one of the greatest joys of our +life--of personal intercourse with him, the enjoyment of which was +the principal reason for our settling in this district.[6] But when I +am in a good frame of mind, all this which is painful and humiliating +vanishes before my trust in Leo Nikolaevitch, and my conviction, +which nothing will shake, that he desires nothing for himself, but is +striving for one thing only--that is, that at every given moment he +may be doing what God requires of him. + +Some members of his household who are devoted to Leo Nikolaevitch +are distressed that he should give in to the farce--to them +obvious--which Sofya Andreyevna so often plays before him in order to +attain her objects, at one time agitating him by feigned attacks of +despair and frenzy, at other times touching his heart by displays of +penitence, meekness and care for his welfare which are even more +insincere, or, if at times half sincere, are at least extremely +transitory. But it seems to me that if, through the wonderful purity +of his own heart, Leo Nikolaevitch is incapable of seeing Sofya +Andreyevna as she really is, and with touching trustfulness seizes +upon every justification for recognising in her the smallest signs of +an awakening conscience, then, though he may be mistaken in it, the +tender emotion and joy which he feels on such occasions are perfectly +legitimate, because they arise from his great love and readiness to +forgive everything. It is doubtful whether her success in pretending +is good for Sofya Andreyevna herself. But who knows, perhaps this +wonderful faith in her soul on the part of Leo Nikolaevitch, which +nothing can shake, his continual expectation, his premature, +eager anticipation of the spiritual awakening in her which he so +whole-heartedly desires, will in due time have its effect upon Sofya +Andreyevna. Perhaps such an attitude to her on the part of the man +whom she has so mercilessly tortured for so many years, and who +nevertheless is of all people the only one who has sincerely loved +her, and loved her to the end, will one day be reflected in her soul. +The memory of this in its due time, for instance, when she will +become conscious of the nearness of her own death, when all worldly +plans, aims and desires inevitably retreat into the background, is +the one thing that may be capable of awakening in that unhappy woman +the divine spark, the possibility of which we have no right to deny +in any human being. And if this is possible, is it surprising that +Leo Nikolaevitch, entirely given up to the service of the divine love +as he is, should untiringly attempt to melt with his love the heart +of the partner of his life whom he once drew to himself, with whom he +shared his past sinful life, and with whom he would also wish to save +his soul? + +And indeed as a rule, dear Dosev, I am deeply convinced that no one +of us can decide for another, nor determine in regard to another +man's behaviour what is his weakness and what is his virtue. "Before +his God," as it is written in the gospel, "every one of us shall +stand or fall." It is not for us human beings to meddle in the secret +region of another man's soul with our short-sighted criticisms, our +frivolous verdicts and our mistaken condolences. + +And however Leo Nikolaevitch may act in the future--whether he +remains to the end beside his wife, or whether at some time he finds +it necessary for her benefit to go away from her--I am convinced of +one thing: that in that matter he will really act only as his +conscience bids him, and therefore he will act rightly. + +Why, if Leo Nikolaevitch's wife were drowning and, plunging into the +water to save her, he perished himself, nobody would reproach him for +having sacrificed his friends and humanity for the sake of excessive +family attachments. It is even more impossible to reproach him for +devoting his life, sacrificing its joys and repose, and perhaps even +giving it up altogether, for the sake of saving his wife from the +ruin of her soul. + +It ought not to be forgotten also that at the same time Leo +Nikolaevitch always contrives in the most attentive and sensitive way +to respond to every real need, spiritual or material, of the whole +people and of all mankind, devoting his whole working time to intense +spiritual labour in the interests of the working masses, and of all +suffering mankind, whether the suffering be from external or internal +evil. + +As for your idea that for the simple people and for humanity "all his +life and great teaching will pass in vain, because his external life +blurs all the significance and meaning of his words and thoughts in +men's eyes," on this too, I assure you, you are profoundly mistaken. + +His words cannot pass in vain for humanity if only from the fact that +they do not express something of "his own" with which only those who +"follow him" can agree, but express the best that there is in the +heart of every man. And from that very fact what Tolstoy says in his +writings finds, apart from any relation to his own personal life, a +direct and loving response in the heart and consciousness of all men +whose conscience has not been blunted. And as time passes this +response will only become clearer and more distinct. + +When the true conditions of the domestic life of Leo Nikolaevitch +become generally known, the great heroism of his family life, +reproducing in deed what he expressed in words, will be added to the +direct persuasive force of his words in the eyes of humanity. + +"Going to the people," to prison, torture, the cross, the stake, the +scaffold--all these have been already. And however deserving of the +deepest respect are the men who face these for conscience' sake, yet +if it is a question of a living example, we, people of the present +day, needed an example of yet another kind. + +Men go willingly to the scaffold even from a desire to blow their +neighbour into the air. Men become cripples for life or are killed +for the sake of beating a record with a motor-car or an aeroplane. +All this is striking and sensational, but already no one is surprised +by it. But it is quite a different matter to spend several decades +with such a wife as Sofya Andreyevna without running away from her, +and still preserving in his heart pity and love for her, and this to +the accompaniment of the unceasing mockery of his enemies and +misunderstanding and censure from the majority of his friends--so +to live from day to day, from year to year, not seeing and not +foreseeing any escape but his own death; to endure, in doing so, all +that Leo Nikolaevitch has to endure, being periodically made ill by +it and almost dying, and not only to have not the smallest blame or +bitterness in his heart, but, on the contrary, to be always blaming +himself for lack of patience and love--this really is the highest +consistency on the part of Leo Nikolaevitch. This is a testimony of +the truthfulness of his theory of life than which nothing stronger +and more striking could be imagined. This is just the example that +humanity is in need of in our day, and this example Leo Nikolaevitch +is giving us in his life. + +When one looks at the matter from this point of view it becomes so +clear as to be obvious why Leo Nikolaevitch had to have just such a +wife as was vouchsafed to him. "For a great ship a great journey." He +who delivered the message of love in its absolutely unlimited sense +needed to have the possibility in his life of proving in action that +a love that nothing in the world could destroy was really attainable +for man. And in due time, when the truth about Leo Nikolaevitch's +life becomes common property, men will be infinitely grateful to him +for this joyous confirmation of the possibility of following in +practice the godly theory of life of which Tolstoy is the exponent in +his writings. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[5] Ten days before Leo Nikolaevitch went away from Yasnaya +Polyana this letter was written by me to Christo Dosev, the common +friend of Tolstoy and myself, who migrated to Russia from Bulgaria +and died in the year 1919. I quote my letter word for word to +preserve its direct character. I ought to mention that a few years +after Tolstoy's death Dosev told me that he recognised how mistaken +was the censure of Tolstoy to which he had given expression in the +letter which called forth this answer from me. + +[6] This letter was written at the time when, though living +only a few versts from Yasnaya Polyana, I was forcibly separated from +Leo Nikolaevitch. This separation, which lasted for about three +months, was due to the hostile attitude towards me of his wife, whose +excited condition he hoped to soothe by the promise not to see me. + + + + +PART II + +WHY TOLSTOY WENT AWAY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +LIFE AT YASNAYA POLYANA + + +A few days after the foregoing letter was written Leo Nikolaevitch +left Yasnaya Polyana. + +At first sight it may seem that if he did well in remaining so long +with his wife, he ought not to have abandoned her in the end; or, on +the contrary, if he was right in going away, it was a mistake not to +have done so sooner. + +That is how many do reason. Some--the majority--commend him for his +departure, considering that thereby he "atoned" for his supposed +weakness and inconsistency in the past. Others--a small +minority--commend him, on the contrary, for remaining so many years +with his wife, but consider his going away a proof of his +inconsistency.[7] + +It seems to me that in any case Leo Nikolaevitch's friends who were +able to estimate at its true value the self-sacrifice with which he +remained a voluntary prisoner in his wife's house for so many years +ought, more than anyone, to have that confidence in him of which he +was worthy. They might at least be confident that if, after all this, +he did decide to go away, he must have had good grounds for doing so; +especially since such an explanation is far more natural and credible +than the supposition that Leo Nikolaevitch, who had so successfully +endured this prolonged ordeal and had displayed such striking +stoicism and self-sacrifice, on the eve of his death suddenly, for +some reason, broke down and was false to his conscience. + +In regard to the question of whether he was to remain with his wife +or go away, Leo Nikolaevitch was guided not by any one impulse, but +by many, and often contradictory, impulses. + +On the side of not leaving his wife he had various considerations +which are touched on in my letter to Dosev. The chief of them was his +consciousness that in remaining he was fulfilling the demands of love +in regard to Sofya Andreyevna, and was trying to do her good, while +he was performing an act of self-sacrifice for the benefit of his own +soul. + +He had also, in the course of the last thirty years of his life, many +grounds for going away; and though, until the time was ripe, they +could not outweigh those that kept him with his family, yet in +themselves they were very weighty. + +On one side he was painfully conscious--and ever more painfully as +time went on--of all the injustice, all the sinfulness of the +surroundings of his home life, which were those of a rich landowner +in the midst of the poverty around him, and he never forgave himself +for his participation in those surroundings. Some months before his +death he wrote, as is well known, in the introduction to his novel, +_There are No Guilty in the World_: "The complicated conditions of +the past, my family and its demands, have not let me out of their +clutches"; and, at once, with the fear of self-justification +characteristic of him, hastened to add "or rather I had not the +ability nor strength to free myself from them." But recognising at +that time the hopelessness of his position, Leo Nikolaevitch found a +good side in the fact that it was so painful to him. "Being without +any desire for self-justification, or any fear of the liberated +peasants, and also without the peasants' envy and bitterness against +their oppressors, I am in the most favourable position for seeing the +truth and being able to tell it. Perhaps it was just for this that I +have been placed by fate in this strange position. I will try, as far +as I know how, to take advantage of it. This at least to some extent, +anyway, alleviates my condition." + +On the other hand, he was at times much distressed by the +consciousness of the false position in which he was placed before +men, and before the peasants especially, by the external conditions +of his life, which were so directly opposed to his convictions. He +was well aware that the majority of people condemned him for taking +part in that life. But he was resigned even to that, finding a +spiritual blessing in his humiliation before men. In his _Circle of +Reading_[8] he said: "What is called religious folly, _i.e._ conduct +which provokes censure and attack, is intelligible and desirable as +the sole proof of one's love for God and one's neighbour." "The +condemnation by man of your actions," he says in a private letter, +"if your actions are not due to selfish motives, but to doing the +will of God, is far from requiring you to justify them; on the +contrary, this condemnation is a benefit, in that it gives you +certain conviction that you do what you are doing not for the praise +of men, but for the sake of your soul, for God."[9] + +But above all Leo Nikolaevitch had to suffer directly from his wife's +antagonism and disagreement with regard to what was for him more +precious than anything. This hostility on the part of his wife often +reached the point of unconcealed hatred of him, making him at times +despair of the possibility of softening her heart at all. As years +went on the spiritual rift between them became complete. Leo +Nikolaevitch had periods of such doubt and depression of spirit that +he felt quite hopeless, and was ready to run away from home. One of +these periods I have referred to above, but even at the beginning of +the 'eighties Leo Nikolaevitch had moments when he could scarcely +restrain himself from going away. + +It was so, for instance, in the summer of the year 1884. In his diary +of that time we find such entries: "If only I could have confidence +in myself.... I cannot go on with this savage life. Even for them" +(the members of his family) "it would be a benefit. They will +reconsider things if they have anything like a heart.... I said +nothing, but I felt horribly depressed. I went away, and meant to go +away altogether, but her being with child made me turn back half way +to Tula.... It was horribly painful.... It was a mistake not to go +away. I think it will be bound to happen sooner or later."[10] + +After 1884, as Leo Nikolaevitch's spiritual forces developed further +and gained strength, he did succeed to some extent in bearing +patiently the insults and suffering inflicted upon him, and learnt to +resign himself to the painfulness of his position, extracting gain +for his inner life from all that he endured. But how hard it still +was for him may be seen, for instance, from the confession that broke +from him in conversation with a friend of his, the peasant M. P. +Novikov, when the latter visited him on the 21st October, 1910: "I +have never concealed from you that in this house I am boiling as in +hell, and I have always dreamed of going away, and longed to go +somewhere into the forest to a keeper's hut, or to a village to some +lonely peasant's hut, where we could help one another. But God has +not given me the strength to break away from my family. My weakness +is perhaps a sin, but I could not for the sake of my personal +satisfaction make others suffer, even although they are members of my +family...." + +During this time everything that was painful in Leo Nikolaevitch's +relations with Sofya Andreyevna, and which had grown with the +decades, began to develop with increased rapidity. In this brief but +terribly concentrated period of his life much which his goodwill +towards her had prevented him from observing in Sofya Andreyevna +before began to be apparent to him. At first it was very difficult +for him to see his way in his complicated position and among all the +varied feelings and impulses which rose up in his soul. He had not +only to bear his old, long familiar cross, but also to deal with new, +quite unforeseen trials before he had time to see clearly what +attitude he ought to take up to them. + +These exceptionally complicated conditions must be kept in view in +order to follow Leo Nikolaevitch's spiritual experiences of that +period with any degree of accuracy. It was difficult for him to +understand his own state of mind, and he exercised the greatest +circumspection in order not to act prematurely nor precipitately. It +is all the more necessary for us to be extremely circumspect in +examining the various spiritual states which followed each other and +were interwoven in him at that time. It is impossible to approach the +very complicated workings of his soul with ready-made theories, or to +offer a rough-and-ready explanation of Leo Nikolaevitch's behaviour +on the lines of one's personal bias--whether domestic, religious, +social, or otherwise; and least of all can one be guided by +information or argument coming from his domestic circle, whose vanity +was so deeply wounded by his departure. In order really to understand +Tolstoy and his behaviour in this most important period of his life, +it is above all needful to free oneself from the slightest +partiality, narrowness and one-sidedness, to be ready to look the +truth in the face and as far as possible to weigh attentively all the +conditions and circumstances, not taken separately, but in +combination and in all their complex interaction. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[7] I have come across references to my letter to Dosev as +though it proved that, for all my devotion to Leo Nikolaevitch, I +considered that he ought not to have left his wife. But there is +nothing of the sort in my letter, the main drift of which is merely +that no one has the right to set himself up as a judge of Leo +Nikolaevitch in the matter. I indicated in detail how sound were the +reasons impelling him to remain in Yasnaya Polyana while he did +remain there; but at the same time, in the very same letter, though +it was written before Leo Nikolaevitch went away, I made several +allusions to the possibility that in the end he would think it +necessary to go. + +[8] _Circle of Reading_, May 17. + +[9] 1907. + +[10] June 17-24, 1884. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +CHANGE FOR THE WORSE IN HIS WIFE'S ATTITUDE TO HIM + + +And so in the last few months before Leo Nikolaevitch left Yasnaya +Polyana he was subjected in an intensified form to all the agonising +conditions which had for many years made him long to get away from +his family. What went on around him in Yasnaya Polyana, particularly +in the management of the estate, seemed to be purposely calculated +to wound, insult and revolt him more and more in his most sacred +feelings. In her relations with the peasants Sofya Andreyevna, far +from restraining herself through consideration for her husband, +behaved with peculiar injustice and harshness as though to spite +him.[11] + +At one time she would try to impress on the peasants that she was +acting with the consent and approval of Leo Nikolaevitch himself; at +another she would boast before him that his championship had no +influence on her arrangements. It is easy to imagine how unutterably +painful all this was for him. It is sufficient to recall how he +sobbed when he chanced to come across a policeman on horseback +dragging along a Yasnaya Polyana peasant caught in the Tolstoys' +forest, an old man whom Leo Nikolaevitch knew well and respected. +Fully realising that he would not in the least improve the position +of the peasants by going away, Leo Nikolaevitch went on regarding +such spectacles as a bitter trial laid upon him, and confining +himself to protesting warmly on every possible occasion. In the same +way, that is as a trial laid upon him, he continued to look upon the +false position in which he was placed in the eyes of the public by +his apparent acceptance of what was done in Yasnaya Polyana. On this +subject he not only continually received abusive letters which he +accepted as a useful exercise in humility, but also from time to time +persons wishing him well addressed him with censure and exhortation. +A letter written by Leo Nikolaevitch at the beginning of 1910 in +answer to an unknown student who had written to persuade him to leave +his privileged surroundings, is characteristic: + +"Your letter touched me," wrote Leo Nikolaevitch; "what you advise me +to do is my cherished dream! That I should be living at home with my +wife and daughter in horrible, shameful conditions of luxury in the +midst of the poverty around us tortures me unceasingly and ever more +and more; and not a day passes on which I do not think of carrying +out your advice." + +At the same time a third and most painful trial, consisting in his +wife's immediate attitude to him, was intensely accentuated. The +mournful recital of those spiritual agonies which shattered his +health, and which she systematically inflicted on him in the last +months of his life, will be set forth in its time and place. No one +can imagine what he had to endure and to suffer at that time. On one +occasion, calling in D. P. Makovitsky,[12] Leo Nikolaevitch said to +him: "Dushan Petrovitch, go to her" (Sofya Andreyevna) "and tell her +that if she desires my death she is going the right way to bring +it about."[13] In a touching letter of July 14, 1910, to Sofya +Andreyevna, Leo Nikolaevitch, after making her every concession he +considered possible, adds in conclusion: "If you will not accept +these conditions of a good and peaceful life, then I will go away.... +I will certainly go away, because it is impossible to go on living +like this." + +It will be readily understood that with such a position of affairs +Leo Nikolaevitch began to foresee more and more definitely the +possibility that in the end he would have to leave Yasnaya Polyana. + +In a moment of openness he said to his friend, the peasant Novikov: +"Yes, yes, believe me, I tell you frankly I shall not die in this +house. I have made up my mind to go to a strange place where I shall +not be known. And perhaps I may come straight to die in your hut.... +I want to prepare for death in peace, and here they think of me as +worth so many roubles. I shall go away, I shall certainly go away." + +Only a final decisive shock was needed. In his same letter to the +student he says about going away: "This can and ought only to be done +when it is essential, not for the supposed external objects, but for +the satisfaction of the inner need of the soul,--when to remain in +the old position becomes as morally impossible as it is physically +impossible not to cough when one cannot breathe.... And I am near to +that position, and every day I get nearer and nearer to it." + +But Leo Nikolaevitch still did not go away, and remaining continued +to be subjected on an increased scale to the tortures to which he had +been subjected since the 'eighties. And he remained still for the +same reasons as had restrained him for thirty years. He knew that he +would not alleviate the position of the peasants of the district by +going. From his painful position in the eyes of men he drew a +profitable lesson in humility. His wife's attitude to him assisted in +him the development of true love for those who hated his soul. And +therefore the more intense these trials became with the passage of +time, the more painfully they were reflected in his soul, the more +difficult it became for him to deal with them--the more insistent +from the spiritual point of view became the moral duty not to forsake +his post, but to endure to the end. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[11] At the beginning of the eighties of the last century, Leo +Nikolaevitch's feeling against property in general, and the +ownership of land in particular, began to take shape, though it was +only somewhat later that it was fully fixed and confirmed. He +renounced all property for himself personally in 1894, acting as +though in that respect he were dead, that is, leaving the possession +of his former property to those whom he regarded as his heirs, that +is, his family. After this Sofya Andreyevna began to manage the +estate of Yasnaya Polyana, while his children divided the land and +property between them. Later on Leo Nikolaevitch felt, he said, that +he had made a mistake in giving up the land to his "heirs" instead of +to the local peasants, and at the desire of his family confirming the +transfer by legal act. + +[12] An intimate friend who shared the views of Leo Nikolaevitch, +a doctor who lived in the Tolstoys' house from the year 1904. He +was of Slovak nationality, and in 1920 left Russia and returned to +Czechoslovakia, where he died in 1921. + +[13] From one of the diaries and letters of Tolstoy's friends and +household of the times. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE HISTORY OF THE WILL + + +In order to understand why Sofya Andreyevna's attitude to Leo +Nikolaevitch was so exasperated, and what impelled her to treat him +so cruelly, it is essential to have some conception why he found it +necessary about this time to make a will, leaving all his writings +free to the public. + +The story of Tolstoy's will is so complicated and full of details +that a separate circumstantial account of it is required. Here I will +only briefly state the most essential facts. + +At the beginning of the 'eighties, at the time when the spiritual +regeneration of Leo Nikolaevitch was taking place, though his new +attitude of completely disapproving of property was not yet fully +defined, he made over to his wife an authorisation for the +publication and sale of his collected works, the income from which +was the principal source of the material means by which his family +lived. Later on, when he came to realise that property of every kind +was wrong, he did not, in spite of all his efforts, succeed in +persuading Sofya Andreyevna to renounce this income voluntarily and +to give him back the authorisation he had given her. He did not feel +morally justified in forcibly depriving her of what she clung to so +passionately, and what against the will of Leo Nikolaevitch she +considered had been put at the disposal of the family for ever. This +trading in his works by his wife against his wish was, in his own +words, one of the most agonising sufferings of his life. All his new +works, however, those that had appeared after 1881 and those destined +to appear later, he thereupon freed from the monopoly of his family, +announcing in a letter to the newspapers, that all who wished could +reprint them without any fee. Sofya Andreyevna had, willy-nilly, to +submit to this decision on the part of the author. But every time +when, instead of articles of a religious and social character, which +did not in the literary market command the immense value enjoyed by +his artistic works, Leo Nikolaevitch undertook any work in artistic +form, Sofya Andreyevna was so much excited and so persistently +demanded that the publication of the new work should be handed over +to her for the benefit of the family, that it completely destroyed +the spiritual tranquillity which he needed for concentrated creative +work. + +Many times repeated, these family scenes led him to decide to print +no more works of art during his lifetime.[14] And this decision of +his is the real reason why, during the latter period of his life, he +gave so little to humanity in that sphere. + +In the end Sofya Andreyevna began quite openly to declare, even in +the presence of Leo Nikolaevitch, that after his death, according to +the advice of lawyers whom she had consulted, his renunciation of all +literary property in the works of the second period would lose its +validity, and that those works also would, like all the rest, become +the property of his family. Besides this she began to insist that +Leo Nikolaevitch should give her a fresh authorisation for the sale +of his writings of the first period for a long time in the future and +also give her the right to prosecute at law anyone who should +infringe the copyright. + +In his diary for 1909 Leo Nikolaevitch writes: "Last night I felt +wretched after talking to Sofya Andreyevna about publishing my works +and prosecuting. If she only knew and understood how she alone +poisons the last hours, days, months, of my life! I do not know how +to say it to her and have no hope that anything one could say would +produce the slightest effect upon her."[15] + +Becoming convinced that this greed of Sofya Andreyevna on behalf of +the family would only increase with years, and that she really was +capable of taking possession of all his works after his death and of +depriving other publishers of the possibility of printing them, Leo +Nikolaevitch felt himself morally bound to guard against such a +monopolisation of his writings. And he was so firmly convinced that +it was his duty before God and men to do this, that in spite of all +that he had to endure on account of it afterwards, he remained +unshaken upon this point right up to his death, which was brought +about by the spiritual sufferings which were inflicted upon him in +consequence of this.[16] + +After carefully thinking over all the circumstances of the case and +taking advice of persons conversant with the subject, Leo +Nikolaevitch came to the conclusion that if he really desired that +his writings should be freely accessible to everyone after his +death, he could not secure his object without making a formal will. +And therefore, with this end in view, he decided to have recourse to +that means. The editorship and first publication of all his +posthumous works he entrusted to me, with the understanding that +everything brought out by me should at once become public property. +And in order to make the fulfilment of this task secure in practice, +he made a formal will in favour of his younger daughter Alexandra +Lvovna, which would make it possible for her to safeguard my task +from any attempts to hinder it. The profit on the first issue of his +works after his death he assigned in the first place for the +redemption of the Yasnaya Polyana estate from the Tolstoy family in +order to hand it over to the peasants, and this was duly carried out +after his death. + +Of course the legal form of the will could not but be distasteful to +Leo Nikolaevitch. But this was to some extent counterbalanced in his +eyes by the fact that the object of the will was not prosecution of +anyone in the future, but, on the contrary, the prevention of the +possibility of legal proceedings being taken by persons who might put +in claims to inherit proprietary rights in the works of Leo +Nikolaevitch if there had been no such will. + +There was also another disagreeable side to this business for Leo +Nikolaevitch. To avoid in connection with the will any altercations +and dissensions, which would have been undesirable in themselves and +would have made the position of Alexandra Lvovna, as legal heiress of +his manuscripts, utterly impossible in the family, Leo Nikolaevitch +resolved not to tell anyone of his will. Though to keep the fact of +the existence of a will secret is a fairly usual thing to do in such +circumstances, it will be readily understood that it was against the +grain for Leo Nikolaevitch, and he resolved to act in this way solely +because he saw no other alternative.[17] + +Sofya Andreyevna's fears that Leo Nikolaevitch might make a will +depriving his family of the copyright of his works were the +underlying cause of her hostile attitude to him. It was on account of +this that she made such efforts, on the one hand to wring out of him +the complete transfer of all rights in his works to her, and on the +other hand by incessant watchfulness over him to eliminate all +possibility of his signing any business document without her +knowledge. And it was for this same reason that she was filled with +such hatred for me personally, assuming, though quite mistakenly, +that the initiative in Leo Nikolaevitch's renunciation of his +copyrights and the arrangements for carrying this out came from me. + +Leo Nikolaevitch was so firm in his resolution to leave his writings +for the free use of all, that with his own hand he wrote a will in +accordance with that idea, not once only but several times, owing to +the fact that the legal form of the documents he composed were never +sufficiently correct to secure the required authority for them. The +last time he made his will while Sofya Andreyevna was watching over +him most vigilantly, during a ride on horseback in the thickest part +of the forest, having previously invited three persons of the circle +of friends living with me at Telyatniki near Yasnaya Polyana to meet +him there and witness his signature. + +By making this will Leo Nikolaevitch secured that after his death his +writings became accessible to all, and not the property of his +family. This result in itself is of vast social importance, seeing +that it gave the working people--the poorest class of all +countries--access to Tolstoy's works in the cheapest form, since +it was open to any number of publishers to print them, and the +competition between them would bring down the price of the books. + +But apart from this purely practical gain for the vast masses of +mankind, the struggle between Leo Nikolaevitch and his wife for the +copyright of his works,--the struggle which cost him his life,--had +also a great significance from the ideal side. It displayed before +the eyes of mankind, present and future, an extremely important truth +in connection with the Christian doctrine of the non-resistance to +evil by force which Tolstoy so vividly set forth and lighted up in +his writings. Leo Nikolaevitch completely sacrificing himself showed +in practice that this principle does not lead, as many suppose, to +helplessly giving in to evil and allowing it to triumph unchecked. +Unyieldingly maintaining his rejection of copyright in the interests +of the working masses of mankind, he confirmed by his example, plain +to the whole world, what the less eminent "non-resistants" are +continually exemplifying in their life. He showed that people of +such a theory of life do not give in to evil, but are continually +struggling against it in the best and truest way, by refusing to +take part in it. He showed also that to yield to the demand of +others from meekness and love for them is only admissible up to the +limit beyond which they try to make one do what is against one's +conscience; and that when people's demands pass beyond those limits, +one ought not to yield to them in any way in spite of any sufferings +oneself or those one loves may have to bear. + +No insistence on the part of those nearest him, no sufferings of his +own on account of it, were able to compel him in this case to depart +from what he considered himself bound to do. Is it possible to find +a more convincing proof that Tolstoy recognised it as morally +necessary to resist evil in the most resolute way?--and it was just +in consequence of this resistance to evil that he had to sacrifice +both his peace and his life. + +In a letter to me of September 10, 1910, Leo Nikolaevitch writes of +his inner experience in a way which is highly significant. He says: +"Of late, not with my brains but with my sides, as the peasants say, +I have come to a clear understanding of the difference between the +resistance which is returning evil for evil and the resistance of +refusing to yield in the line of conduct which one recognises as +one's duty to one's conscience and God. I will try." + +At the same time by his attitude to the very idea of literary +property Tolstoy, by the exceptional sincerity and consistency of his +manner of action, has helped and still more will help his literary +brethren to see clearly in this "delicate" question, to shut their +eyes to which has now become impossible. As time passes a greater and +greater number of writers will undoubtedly be troubled by doubts as +to whether it is not as morally reprehensible to traffic in one's +words, in one's soul, as to traffic in one's body, and Tolstoy's +attitude will serve conscientious writers as a guiding star in +illuminating this question. + +One cannot but recognise Tolstoy's conspicuous services in all this. +And though he acted as he did without considering what bearing this +would have on the consciousness of men, merely striving not to +let himself be drawn into an action contrary to his conscience, +nevertheless this first renunciation of literary property on the part +of one of the greatest writers of the world undoubtedly has a vast +significance for humanity. + +If in my present brief account of Tolstoy's leaving home I have +had to dwell rather minutely upon the question of his will, it +is because all the threads of the complicated conditions and +circumstances which caused his departure meet about that central +question. It is true that some of those near to Leo Nikolaevitch have +tried to persuade themselves that Sofya Andreyevna's attitude to him, +which made it impossible for him to remain longer with her, was +chiefly provoked by property interests not connected with his will. +They ascribe her conduct to various causes and principally to her +neurotic condition and morbid, abnormal jealousy. Although putting +the matter in such a light is undoubtedly due to affectionate +goodwill to Sofya Andreyevna, I consider it my duty to protest +against such an interpretation most decisively in the interests of +truth, which here as everywhere is more important than anything. +We ought not to hide from ourselves that there are more than a +sufficient quantity of facts going to prove that Sofya Andreyevna in +this case acted first of all, and most of all, under the influence of +feelings and considerations immediately concerned with the material +prosperity of her numerous family, consisting, as she was continually +reminding people, of twenty-eight persons, counting children and +grandchildren. It is essential to keep this circumstance in view in +order to have a correct understanding of the attitude of Leo +Nikolaevitch to his will. + +True love for people dead and alive alike is not shown by concealing +their mistakes and failures from oneself and others, but in knowing +how, in spite of all the undesirable qualities which every one of us +has in sufficient quantity, to behave to one another with compassion +and tolerance, recognising that everyone is responsible for all. Then +we shall not try to pass by the weak spots without noticing them, or +to smear over the cracks on the outside, but shall, on the contrary, +display them in order that they may be corrected by the efforts of +all. + +The above-mentioned circumstances and motives of the testamentary +dispositions of Leo Nikolaevitch in regard to his writings must be +kept in mind if one is to have a true conception of his position in +the family at the period immediately preceding his "going away." An +acquaintance with those circumstances and impulses makes it possible +to understand the true character of the relations which have been +formed between Leo Nikolaevitch and her with whom he had been +connected for forty-eight long years and out of love and pity for +whom he was ready to sacrifice all but his conscience. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[14] This decision, which Leo Nikolaevitch reached alone +with his conscience, he tried to keep a secret from everyone, and +when, guessing from certain signs how it was, I told him on one +occasion, he was much puzzled to know how I could have discovered his +secret. To explain why this decision not to publish his artistic work +during his lifetime put a stop to Leo Nikolaevitch's work upon them, +it must be pointed out that it was his habit to make the chief +revision of his first rough sketches on the proofs sent him from the +printer's. Besides, if he had merely worked at them in manuscript he +would have been subjected to the same persistent persecution which so +distracted his peace and his concentration upon his work. (Sofya +Andreyevna told me that she had actually exacted a promise from him +not to give anyone but herself his manuscripts to copy.) + +[15] D. P. Makovitsky in his diary says the same thing: "In +1909 before the Stockholm Peace Congress, Sofya Andreyevna wanted to +prosecute I. I. Gorbunov for publishing _The Prisoner in the +Caucasus_, and sent Torba (a Court official, her helper in publishing +Tolstoy's works) to see a lawyer. The lawyer asked what authority +Sofya Andreyevna had for instituting proceedings. 'She has a deed of +trust for transacting all Leo Nikolaevitch's affairs.' 'This is not +enough, she must have a deed transferring the copyright to her.' +Sofya Andreyevna asked Leo Nikolaevitch for it, but he refused point +blank. Then Sofya Andreyevna had recourse to hysterics and did not +let Leo Nikolaevitch go to Stockholm. In the summer of that year +she started playing very cleverly the same game (this time against +Tchertkoff), pretending to be ill in order to force Leo Nikolaevitch +to give her the copyright. It was not Sofya Andreyevna who said the +other thing, but Misha and Andryusha. They blurted out about the +will."--(Sept. 14, 1910, Kotchety.) + +[16] A clear light is thrown upon what Leo Nikolaevitch had +to endure in this connection by a letter which a relation of his, the +lawyer I. V. Denisenko, wrote for my benefit when I was exiled from +the province of Tula in 1909, and being unable to be at Yasnaya +Polyana, did not know what was taking place there. I append a few +abstracts from the letter to complete the picture: + +"In the July of 1909, when I was at Yasnaya Polyana, Leo Nikolaevitch +Tolstoy was intending to go to the Peace Congress at Stockholm, and +Sofya Andreyevna was opposed to this. This provoked a regular series +of misunderstandings and Sofya Andreyevna fell ill, not wishing Leo +Nikolaevitch to go to the Congress. + +"It happened once that she called me into her bedroom, and showing me +a general authorisation for the management of their affairs given her +long ago by Leo Nikolaevitch, asked me whether she could upon this +authorisation sell to a third person the right of publishing his +work, and, what was still more important, institute proceedings +against Sergeyenko and some teacher in a military school for making +books of extracts and anthologies from the works of Leo Nikolaevitch +on the ground that these books of extracts would cause her, Sofya +Andreyevna, considerable material damage.... + +"I believe it was on the day after that that I was in the park +picking berries with my wife and children. My wife asked me to +go for something to the lodge. I went along an avenue, passing +between flower-beds, and there quite unexpectedly I came upon Leo +Nikolaevitch. I was struck by his appearance. He was bowed and he +looked worried and exhausted. His eyes were dim and he seemed weak as +I had never seen him before. He caught hurriedly at my arm on meeting +me, and said with tears in his eyes: 'Ivan Vassilyevitch, darling, +what is she doing to me? What is she doing to me? She is insisting on +having an authorisation for instituting proceedings. You know I can't +do that.... It would be against my principles.' + +"Then walking a few steps with me he said: 'I have a great favour to +ask of you, only let it be a secret between us. For the time don't +speak of it to anyone, not even to Sasha. Please make up a deed for +me by which I could announce publicly that I give all my works at +whatever date they may have been written freely for the benefit of +all.'" + +[17] There was even a moment when these two undesirable +conditions associated with the will, _i.e._ its legal form and the +secrecy accompanying it, caused Leo Nikolaevitch to feel doubts as +to the rectitude of his action. These doubts were aroused by a +conversation with one of his intimate friends, who came in from +outside and knew little of the circumstances of this complicated +affair. Leo Nikolaevitch, who was distinguished by an extreme degree +of touching sensitiveness to every criticism of his behaviour, +agreed with his friend that he had acted, as the latter asserted, +"inconsistently," and he told me of it, declaring, however, that he +should nevertheless not change the dispositions he had made. On my +side I was compelled to reply that in that case of course I should +refuse to be his future executor for carrying out his testamentary +dispositions, since only a conviction that I was accomplishing his +definite and conscious desire could give me the necessary moral +support for the performance of this difficult and responsible duty. +At the same time, in accordance with his request, I reminded him of +the circumstances and considerations which had induced him to have +recourse to a will. In answer I received from him the following +letter: + +"I write this on little scraps of paper because I am in the woods out +for a walk. Ever since yesterday evening I have been thinking about +your yesterday's letter. The two chief feelings which it aroused in +me were repulsion for the manifestations of coarse greed and +heartlessness which I either did not see or have seen and forgotten, +and distress and repentance that I should have hurt you by the letter +in which I expressed regret for what I had done. The deduction I have +made from the letter is that N. N. was wrong, and also that I was +wrong in agreeing with him, and that I fully approve your conduct, +but all the same am not satisfied with my own: I feel that it was +possible to act better, but I don't know how. Now I do not regret +what I have done, _i.e._ that I have made the will I did make, and I +can only be thankful to you for the interest you have taken in the +matter. + +"I shall tell Tanya about it to-day, and that will be very pleasant +to me. + + "Leo Tolstoy. + + "_Aug. 12, 1910._" + +In his private pocket diary on Aug. 11, 1910, Leo Nikolaevitch wrote +as follows: + +"A long letter from Tchertkoff describing all that has gone before. +Very sad. Painful to read and recall. He is perfectly right, and I +feel to blame in regard to him. N. N. was wrong. I will write to both +of them." + +Certain persons who, for one reason or another, do not sympathise +with the testamentary dispositions of Leo Nikolaevitch, and +especially those of them who took a personal share in the upsetting +of them, continue to this day to assert that Leo Nikolaevitch saw in +the end that he had made a mistake and regretted that he had made a +will. + +In confirmation of this they quote a few words written by Leo +Nikolaevitch in his pocket diary at the time of his doubts; but they +are carefully silent with regard to the later note in the same diary +which I have just quoted. + +In reality, of course, this incident of Leo Nikolaevitch's hesitation +can only serve to prove how consciously from every point of view he +weighed and considered all the circumstances of the case. If no +doubts had ever assailed him it would have been possible to admit the +supposition that it had never occurred to him to look at the question +from the other side, and that therefore his attitude to it was +one-sided. But now we know that he not only took a critical attitude +as to his action, but that at one time he even doubted if it were +right. If, even after such hesitation, he yet definitely confirmed +his desire that the will should remain in force, what can be a better +proof that this his final decision expresses his real and fully +conscious will?--Cf. _Diary_, Vol. I. ed. 1916; Appendix, p. 260, +"The Will," July 22, 1910. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +INTERVALS OF REST--IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES + + +The only intervals of freedom and rest which Leo Nikolaevitch could +enjoy from the indescribably painful conditions of life at Yasnaya +Polyana at that period were afforded him by the rare occasions when +he succeeded in getting away for a week or two to stay with some one +of his more intimate friends. Thus during the last year of his life +he stayed on two occasions with his daughter Tatyana Lvovna, in the +Mtsensk district, and with me (I was in exile from the Tula +province), the first time at Kryokshino in the Zvenigorodsky district +near Moscow, and afterwards at Meshtcherskoe in the Serpuhovsky +district. But he very rarely succeeded in arranging these visits, and +only did so with great trouble, since Sofya Andreyevna opposed them +in every way; and if, in spite of her opposition, he did make up his +mind to go away, it would sometimes happen that at the last minute +she would decide to go with him, which, of course, spoilt the chief +object of the excursion. + +I remember on both occasions when he came to us how extremely +shattered, worn out and ill Leo Nikolaevitch looked, and how +perceptibly before our eyes he improved physically and revived +spiritually. Even on the second or third day of a calm life, and in a +circle of friends of the same way of thinking, who guarded his +spiritual peace and fully respected his independence, he was +completely changed. It was as though some crushing, agonising burden +had fallen off him; his face was brighter in expression, his +movements became vigorous, in the morning he worked with +concentration for many hours on end at his writings, amazing us all +by the number of written pages which he afterwards gave us to copy +out. During his daily walks he went so rapidly and so far that it was +difficult for people much younger to keep up with him. With the +visitors of the most varied kind, of whom numbers were always +flocking to see him, and from whom no one in our house shut him off +as at home, he carried on lively conversations in his free time, in +that way coming into direct contact with the surrounding world. In +conversation with his friends no one interrupted him or contradicted +him at every turn, an annoyance to which he was continually subjected +at home, and therefore communion with those surrounding him here +afforded him joyous spiritual relief. Everything showed what vast +stores of energy were still preserved in him; it was clear that under +favourable conditions he might for many years to come lead an active +life to the joy and profit of humanity. + +His inner spiritual revival was shown very conspicuously in the fact +that every day he became more and more drawn to artistic creation. At +first he noted down characteristic meetings and conversations which +took place during his walks. And each time before he went away he +told me with confident eagerness that great, purely artistic works +were stirring within him and taking shape in his soul, and that he +hoped now to set to work upon them. But these plans were not destined +to be realised, since on his return to Yasnaya Polyana the painful +conditions which have been indicated already were renewed, and calm +creative work was inconsistent with them. + +Altogether the difference between his condition, both physical and +spiritual, when he arrived and when he left us was striking. I +remember how I met him in the garden at the end of his last stay with +us at Meshtcherskoe, where he had arrived almost in a state of +collapse. He walked quickly and he looked remarkably vigorous and +many years younger. With an air of lively surprise he greeted me with +the words: "I don't understand what it is in your diet, but whenever +I stay with you my digestion seems to become perfect." It is well +known that the best conditions for a man suffering from defective +digestion are simple, not elaborately prepared, food adapted to his +requirements, and above all an even, untroubled spiritual atmosphere +in all his home life. But Leo Nikolaevitch expected so little by way +of attention from others to his needs and tastes, he attached so +little significance for himself to the influence of external +surroundings, that it seemed as though it did not enter his head to +connect the state of his health with the conditions surrounding him. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE LAST PERIOD + + +The last and most painful period of Leo Nikolaevitch's life at +Yasnaya Polyana began in June 1910, when, on a visit at my summer +bungalow at Meshtcherskoe, in the province of Moscow, he was suddenly +summoned back to Yasnaya Polyana by a telegram from Sofya Andreyevna, +informing him of her sudden illness; as it afterwards turned out, a +sham one. + +On his return to Yasnaya Polyana, Sofya Andreyevna surrounded his +life with new restrictions, finally depriving him of even the limited +share of personal freedom which he had until that time enjoyed. She +gave up respecting his hours of literary work, for which she had once +shown consideration, and by continually bursting in upon him and +making scenes, she made it impossible for him to devote himself to +the literary work in which he recognised his service to men. His +daily walks had become his sole recreation and solace, and now she +began to hinder him from going where he wished to go, and from +taking with him those whom he wanted to take. She insisted that he +should completely give up seeing those of his most intimate friends +whose supposed influence on him she feared.[18] Even inside the house +she subjected all his actions and conversations to a control which +was never relaxed, not disdaining even the most indelicate methods, +as, for instance, eavesdropping, with her shoes off at doors, and +altogether watching day and night over every action he took. As has +already been mentioned, she was demanding from him such an +authorisation for the disposal of his works as would give her the +power to take legal proceedings in connection with them, and to +retain the copyright over a prolonged period in the future. +Apprehensive of what he might write in his diary, she tried to +prevent his giving the manuscript books of his diary to anyone +whatever, even to those whom he charged with work of one sort or +another in connection with them, or in whose keeping he desired them +to be preserved for the sake of greater security. She secretly stole +from his pockets those very private diaries which he kept and carried +about with him during the most painful periods of his life and +scrupulously preserved from every human eye. Not only did she fail to +conceal from him and others her distrust and--terrible to say--hatred +for him, but openly in the hearing of all gave utterance to these +feelings and often expressed them to him in so harsh a form that it +brought on heart attacks and even fainting fits in him. She was +jealous, or pretended to be jealous, of some of his most intimate +friends, bound to him by the closest spiritual unity. In this +connection also she openly expressed to those about her, and to +outsiders and to Leo Nikolaevitch himself, such incredibly revolting +suspicions as the tongue cannot bring itself to repeat, thereby +reducing Leo Nikolaevitch almost to complete collapse and driving +him to lock all the doors of his room. And with all this she did +everything she could to prevent his going away from Yasnaya Polyana, +even for the briefest visits which might have enabled him to have at +least some rest from the atmosphere of his home, and to gain fresh +strength to endure further tortures. + +All these requests and others similar to them Sofya Andreyevna did +not merely put in words before Leo Nikolaevitch, but if he refused, +tried by her whole behaviour to force him against his will to submit +to her.[19] For this purpose she resorted to simulated fits of +hysteria and madness, threatened to commit suicide, pretended that +she would swallow or had swallowed poison, ran half dressed out of +doors in the rain or snow or at night, making them search for her all +over the park, and running in to him at any time of the day or the +night, even when, utterly exhausted, he had dropped asleep, and +waking him up with the object of worrying the concessions she wanted +out of him. There is no recounting all the unutterably cruel means to +which she unhesitatingly resorted for the sake of forcibly compelling +him. And when the members of her family told her that she would kill +him by such conduct, she answered coldly that his soul had long been +dead for her and that she did not care for his body; and if she were +asked what she would do and how she would feel if he really did die +of her treatment, she would say, "I shall go at last to Italy; I have +never been there." + +Leo Nikolaevitch for his part, so long as he thought it right to +remain with his wife, tried with strikingly touching meekness to +gratify all her wishes and to comply with all her demands which did +not run counter to his conscience. When he considered them +unreasonable, at first he refused, but as she obstinately insisted +and resorted to her usual methods, in the end he often gave way in +those cases also; at one time regarding her as quite insane, and +being apprehensive that in a moment of frenzy she really might do +herself some mischief. + +He was only unhesitating in his resistance when his conscience told +him that he ought not to give way. Thus, in spite of all Sofya +Andreyevna's importunities and strategy, he made his will and did not +change it to the end; he did not give her the authority to take legal +proceedings; he did not hand over his diaries to her, but put them in +a place of safety (in the bank at Tula). But since what was most +necessary for her object was just that in which he found it +impossible to give way to her, it was precisely with these demands +that she persecuted him most. And so all his concessions, instead of +pacifying her, only encouraged her in more persistent importunities +and still more cruel means of oppression. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[18] The members of Tolstoy's household who were most +intimate with him--Alexandra Lvovna Tolstoy, D. P. Makovitsky and +Varvara Mihailovna Feokritova--were convinced that Sofya Andreyevna's +hatred of me was a sham. This is proved, for instance, by the +following extract from Makovitsky's diary: + +"While I was riding with Leo Nikolaevitch to-day, I was thinking of +Sofya Andreyevna's behaviour since June 24, and I came to the +conclusion that in reality she is not, and never has been, jealous of +Tchertkoff. She pretended to be jealous simply in order to separate +him from Leo Nikolaevitch, and prevent him from influencing Leo +Nikolaevitch; she thought it was due to Tchertkoff's influence that +Leo Nikolaevitch wanted to give away his works to the public.... + +"And how well she played the part and deceived L. N., Tchertkoff, +Tatyana Lvovna, and me (we were all convinced that she was jealous of +Tchertkoff). I spoke of this to-day, and Varvara Mihailovna and +Alexandra Lvovna answered that they had noticed the same thing long +ago (that is, that there was no jealousy), and had put it down in +their diaries" (October 13, 1910). + +[19] D. P. Makovitsky records the following incident: + +"The day before yesterday she made a scene again: fell at Leo +Nikolaevitch's feet and begged him to give her the keys of the safe +in the bank where his diaries or the will were kept. Leo Nikolaevitch +said that he could not do it and went out. As he passed under her +windows Sofya Andreyevna leaned out and cried, 'I have taken opium.' +Leo Nikolaevitch rushed upstairs to her, but she met him with the +words, 'That was not true, I did not take any.' This scene upset Leo +Nikolaevitch very much, and he said to Sofya Andreyevna, 'You are +doing all you can to make me leave home.' After this he had +palpitations and almost fainted. He had attempted to run up the +stairs, and during those moments of terror and agitation was living +through his wife's death" (July 19, 1910) + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +MENTAL AGONY + + +It will be readily understood that no health could hold out against +such torments lasting over several months at a stretch, no less +severe, it may be said, than the tortures of the Inquisition, and +exceeding them in their uninterrupted persistence and prolongation. +And indeed, returning to Yasnaya in a vigorous and excellent state of +health, Leo Nikolaevitch began visibly fading away before her eyes in +the nightmare period of the last months of his life: in the course of +a few weeks he looked so old and drawn, so weak and thin, so pale and +in every respect so physically run down as to be unrecognisable. In +the course of those months he had several attacks of faintness. By +the day of his departure he looked only the shadow of himself: his +heart, his nerves, all his forces were utterly undermined, and of +course, under such conditions, the slightest ailment was sure to +carry him off, as happened indeed with the first cold he chanced to +catch immediately after he went away. + +All Sofya Andreyevna's conduct during those last months of their life +together revealed to Leo Nikolaevitch much in her that he had never +noticed before. He was not only led to doubt of his cherished dream +of softening her heart by his all-forgiving love; he began even to +feel uncertain whether he were doing her harm or good by being near +her, and whether the doctors were not right who in her interests +advised them to live apart.[20] And in the end he became convinced +that his presence really was a direct incitement to evil for her, +calling out and accentuating all the worst sides of her character. +Speaking of his departure with that same Novikov a week before it +took place, Leo Nikolaevitch said: "For my own sake I have not done +this and could not do it, but now I see that it would be better for +my family, there would be less dispute among them on my account, +less sin." + +Another reason that had previously restrained him from going away lay +in the fact that he considered that the ordeal to which he was +continually exposed in his wife's company was profitable for his own +soul, and found in it a spiritual satisfaction. But in the end Sofya +Andreyevna, as she herself expressed it after his death, "overdid it" +in her behaviour with him, putting him in such a position that +instead of satisfaction he began to experience the sense of +awkwardness and shame which one feels in taking part in something +unbecoming, unseemly. Two days before he went away he wrote to me: "I +feel something _unbefitting, something shameful_ in my position." And +in the letter to Alexandra Lvovna the day after he went away he says: +"I do not feel _that shame, that awkwardness_, that lack of freedom +which I always used to feel at home." In his last letter to Sofya +Andreyevna from Shamardino he states even more definitely that to +return to her when she is in such a state of mind would be equivalent +to committing suicide, and he did not consider that he had a right to +do that. So by now he no longer believed that staying with Sofya +Andreyevna was profitable for his own soul, and recognised it as +undesirable. + +In the course of the later years his hesitation had increased with +every day, and at times he seemed to be on the very point of +flight.[21] He only stayed through not feeling as yet that +irresistible impulse which, as he so well recognised, was _essential_ +in order that he might take this momentous step, not through rational +considerations alone, but with all his soul, confidently and +inevitably. And so long as this impulse was lacking and he was +more or less weighing the _pros_ and _cons_ of his departure, the +consideration that for him personally to go away would be a relief, +and that there would be more self-sacrifice in remaining, retained +its force. Thus I have been told that two days before his departure, +when he informed his old friend, the old lady Marya Alexandrovna +Schmidt (who, by the way, later on fully understood and approved his +departure), that he thought of leaving Yasnaya Polyana, and she +thereupon exclaimed: "Leo Nikolaevitch darling, it will pass, it is a +moment's weakness," he hastened to reply: "Yes, yes, I know that it +is a weakness and I hope that it will pass." + +So that in spite of the fact that Leo Nikolaevitch had now become +aware of a new phase in Sofya Andreyevna's relations to him, which in +reality removed any reasonable purpose in his remaining at her side, +and justified his departure, since his presence was becoming bad for +her and unprofitable for him, nevertheless he still lingered on, +dreading to act prematurely, and as it were waiting for the last +decisive shock. + +And this shock was not long in coming with startling abruptness. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[20] At the advice of all his friends and members of his +household Leo Nikolaevitch went in September to stay with his +daughter Tatyana Lvovna Suhotin (at Kotchety) in order to have a rest +from family scenes. But Sofya Andreyevna would not leave him in peace +even there. This is what we read in Makovitsky's diary: + +"This is the third day that Sofya Andreyevna is perfectly frantic. +Leo Nikolaevitch sent me to her several times during the day; in the +morning she was in her room; she complained of headache and said that +she had taken no food for two days; in the afternoon she ran off into +the garden. + +"Sofya Andreyevna spent the whole day by herself in the park. Leo +Nikolaevitch sent me to find her. + +"'Oh, Dushan Petrovitch!' he said to me, 'it's worse than ever; +everything is going to the worst. Sofya Andreyevna insists that I +should go away with her. But I simply cannot do it, for her demands +go _crescendo_ and _crescendo_. I don't know what to do!'" (September +11, 1910, Kotchety.) + +[21] Thus in D. P. Makovitsky's diary we read: + +"Leo Nikolaevitch spoke to Alexandra Lvovna of how heavy their family +atmosphere was, and said that if it had not been for her he would +have gone away. He is on the alert. Yesterday morning he asked me +what were the morning trains to the south. He had said to Marya +Alexandrovna, and before that to us, that he has not been able to +work for the last four months and that Sofya Andreyevna keeps +running in to him, and always suspecting that some secrets are +being concealed from her, written documents and conversations" +(October 26, 1910). + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +THE NIGHT OF TOLSTOY'S GOING AWAY + + +It happened very simply. On the night of the 27th October, at a time +when it was supposed that Leo Nikolaevitch was asleep, as he lay in +bed he heard and saw through a crack in his door Sofya Andreyevna +steal softly into his study and search among the papers on his +writing-table. Then as she was going away, noticing the light in his +room, she went in and began with an anxious face inquiring how he +was. This cold hypocrisy on her part apparently destroyed the last +illusion of Leo Nikolaevitch. Only a few days before he had been +touched by the solicitude with which Sofya Andreyevna, coming into +his bedroom in the same way at night, had climbed on to a chair and +had set right the movable frame which had been insecurely fastened. +Now he remembered that he had heard a rustle the night before too, +and the real value of Sofya Andreyevna's care of him was suddenly +revealed to him. Chance had unmasked the awful, systematic comedy +which was being played from day to day around him, and in which he +had unconsciously to play the central part. + +In his diary he describes what he endured that night as follows:-- + +"I went to bed at half-past eleven, slept till three o'clock. Woke +again. As on previous nights, the opening of doors and footsteps. On +the previous nights I did not look towards my door; this time I +glanced towards it and saw through the crack a bright light in the +study and heard rustling. It was Sofya Andreyevna looking for +something, probably reading something. On the evening before she +begged and insisted that I should not lock the doors. Both her doors +were opened so that she could hear my slightest movement. Both by day +and by night all my movements and my words must be known to her and +be under her control. Again footsteps, a cautious opening of the door +and she goes out. I don't know why that aroused in me an +irrepressible repulsion and indignation. I tried to go to sleep. I +could not; I turned from side to side for about an hour, lighted a +candle and sat up. The door opens and Sofya Andreyevna walks in, +asking after my health and wondering at the light which she has seen +in my room. Repulsion and indignation grow. I am breathless; I count +my pulse seventy-seven. I cannot lie still, and suddenly take a final +resolution to go away. I write her a letter; I begin packing what is +most necessary, only to get away. I wake Dushan, then Sasha; they +help me to pack." + +As Alexandra Lvovna described, she and her companion Varvara +Mihailovna (the amanuensis) were awake that night. She kept fancying +that someone was walking about and talking overhead. She was afraid +that discussions were taking place between her father and mother. +They fell asleep towards morning, but soon heard a knock at the door. +Alexandra Lvovna went to the door and opened it. + +"Who is it?" she asked. + +"It is I, Leo Nikolaevitch.... I am going away at once ... for +good.... Come and help me pack." + +Alexandra Lvovna said afterwards that she would never forget his +figure in the doorway, in a blouse, with a candle in his hand and a +bright face resolute and beautiful. + +In haste to get away, Leo Nikolaevitch dreaded one thing only: that +Sofya Andreyevna might come upon him before he succeeded in getting +off, and the calm realisation of his unalterable decision might +thereby be troubled. + +"I tremble at the thought that she will hear, will come out--a scene, +hysterics, and no getting away in the future without a scene. By six +o'clock everything has been packed after a fashion. I go to the +stable to order the horses; Sasha and Varya finish the packing.... It +is night, pitch dark. I get off the path to the lodge, fall into the +bushes, get scratched, knock against trees, fall down, lose my cap, +cannot find it; with difficulty make my way out, go home, take a cap, +and with a lantern make my way to the stable and order the horses to +be harnessed. Sasha, Dushan, Varya come. I tremble, expecting +pursuit. But at last we get off. At Shtchekino we wait an hour, and +every minute I expect her to appear. But at last we are in the +railway carriage and set off. Alarm passes, and pity for her rises, +but no doubt as to whether I have done what I ought. Perhaps I am +mistaken in justifying myself but it seems to me that I have saved +myself not as Leo Nikolaevitch, but have saved what at times at least +to some small degree there is in me." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +TOLSTOY'S RELATION TO HIS WIFE + + +After his departure Leo Nikolaevitch never for a minute repented what +he had done, and never considered the idea of his return to Sofya +Andreyevna. When his daughter Alexandra Lvovna several days +afterwards asked him whether he could regret his action, he answered: +"Of course not. Can a man regret something when he _could not_ act +differently?" + +And why he could not act differently he told her openly in his letter +of the 29th October: "For me, with this spying, eavesdropping, +everlasting reproaches, disposing of me according to caprice, +everlasting control, pretence of hatred for the man who is nearest +and most necessary to me, with this obvious hatred for me and +affectation of love ... such a life is not merely unpleasant for me, +but utterly impossible. If anyone is to drown oneself it is not +she but I.... I desire one thing only, freedom from her, from +the falsity, hypocrisy and malice with which her whole being is +saturated.... All her behaviour to me not only shows a lack of love, +but seems to have been unmistakably aimed at killing me...." + +These words broke from Leo Nikolaevitch like the irrepressible shriek +from the tortured soul of a man who had for long years been +accustomed to hide in himself the deepest and most poignant of his +sufferings. And therefore after giving vent for once to his need to +speak out to his favourite daughter, he at once hastens to comment: +"You see, dear, how bad I am. I do not conceal myself from you."[22] + +This letter is important for us, Leo Nikolaevitch's friends, because +it raises a little corner of the curtain with which for the last ten +years of his life he scrupulously covered from the eye of man the +inner tortures he experienced. Were it not for this "human document" +it might have been supposed that, having attained the marvellous +height of spiritual illumination which distinguished the latter +period of his life, Leo Nikolaevitch was thereby saved from the +possibility of feeling insult and experiencing spiritual pain. Now +we know that if in his diary, in his correspondence and in +conversation with his friends he abstained for the most part from any +complaints of the bitterness of his position, preferring to note his +own mistakes and weaknesses, he did this not because he was at that +time free from the common human characteristic of feeling pain +inflicted upon him. We now see that to the very end of his days he +had not ceased to be for us ordinary people a comrade capable of +feeling the same mortifications and sufferings as we. For that reason +we ought to be grateful to fate which for one instant revealed before +us in that letter the deep spiritual wound which Leo Nikolaevitch +bore away with him when he left his wife. But at the same time it +would be quite a mistake to suppose that though he left Sofya +Andreyevna he retained any evil feeling towards her and was not +capable of forgiving her. On the contrary, almost at the same time as +the letter to his daughter which we have quoted, he wrote his wife a +touching, warm-hearted letter which leaves not the slightest doubt of +his real love for her. And on the following day he wrote to his two +elder children: "Please try and soothe your mother, for whom I have +the most sincere feeling of compassion and love." And he not only +pitied Sofya Andreyevna, but had so much real love for her that he +could with a pure heart forgive her, and himself beg her forgiveness. + +Altogether the last letters of Leo Nikolaevitch to his wife, which +have, by the way, been published by her,[23] strikingly reveal some +characteristic peculiarities in his relations with her during the +latest period of their life together. The most conspicuous +peculiarity is that in spite of the very painful crises Leo +Nikolaevitch had passed through in his family relations, the habitual +and extremely delicate consideration in his behaviour to Sofya +Andreyevna never left him for one minute. Consequently when telling +her the causes of his departure, he does not without necessity touch +upon those of his impulses which were disagreeable to her. Avoiding +them as far as possible, he accentuates those of his motives which +had a general character and did not wound her vanity. He only alludes +to the points in which she had been to blame towards him when it is +quite unavoidable, and touches on those questions as gently and +carefully as possible. + +I will quote those of his letters which directly concern his +departure, beginning with one written thirteen years before he +actually went away, at a time when he was intending to leave his +family but did not do so. He directed that this letter should be +given to his wife after his death, which was done. + + +I + + "_June 8, 1897._ + +"Dear Sonya, + +"For a long time past I have been worried by the inconsistency of my +life with my convictions. To make you change your life, your habits +in which I have trained you, I could not; go away from you hitherto I +could not either, thinking that I should deprive the children while +they were small of at least that little influence I might have on +them, and should be grieving you; nor can I any longer continue to +live as I have lived these sixteen years, at one time struggling and +irritating you, at another myself, succumbing to the temptations to +which I am accustomed, and by which I am surrounded; and I have +determined now to do what I have long wanted to do--go away: in the +first place, because for me with my advancing years this life becomes +more and more oppressive, and I long more and more for solitude; and +secondly, because my children are grown up, my influence is not now +needed in the house, and all of you have interests more vital to you +which will make you feel my absence less. + +"The chief thing is that just as the Hindus when close on sixty go +away into the forest, as every religious old man longs to devote the +last years of his life to God, and not to jests, to puns, to gossip +and to tennis, so I, entering on my seventieth year, long with my +whole soul for peace, for solitude, and if not for complete harmony, +at least not the glaring discord between one's life and one's +convictions, one's conscience. + +"If I were to do this openly there would be entreaties, upbraidings, +arguments, complaints; I should lose courage, perhaps, and not carry +out my decision although it ought to be carried out. And therefore +please forgive if my action hurts you, and in thy soul do thou, +Sonya, especially, let me go with a good will; do not look for me, +don't lament over me, or complain against me; do not blame me. + +"That I have gone away from you does not show that I was displeased +with you. I know that you literally could not see and feel as I do, +and therefore could not and cannot change your life and make +sacrifices for what you do not recognise. And therefore I do not +blame you, but, on the contrary, with love and gratitude remember +the thirty-five long years of our life, especially the first half +of the time, when with a motherly self-sacrifice, which is part +of your nature, you so vigorously and firmly bore that which you +considered your vocation. You have given me and the world what +you could give--you have given a great deal of motherly love and +self-sacrifice, and one cannot but value you for it. But in the later +period of our life--the last fifteen years--we have grown apart. I +cannot think that I am to blame, because I know that I have changed +neither for my own sake nor for other people's, but because I could +do nothing else. I cannot blame you either for not following me, but +I thank you and think of you, and always shall think of you, with +love for what you have given me. + + "Farewell, dear Sonya, + "Your loving + "LEO TOLSTOY." + +(Cf. _Letters to his Wife_, p. 524.) + + +II + + "_Yasnaya Polyana._ + "_October 28, 1910._ + +"My going away will grieve you. I am sorry for it, but do understand +and believe that I cannot act differently. My position in the house +is becoming, has become, unbearable. Apart from everything else, I +cannot any longer live in the conditions of luxury in which I have +been living, and I am doing what old men of my age commonly do--they +retire from worldly life to spend their last days in solitude and +quiet. Please understand this and do not come after me if you find +out where I am. Your coming in that way would only make your and my +position worse and would not alter my decision. + +"I thank you for these forty-eight years of faithful life with me, +and beg you to forgive me for anything in which I have been to blame +towards you, even as I with all my soul forgive you for anything in +which you may have been to blame towards me. I advise you to resign +yourself to the new position in which my departure places you, and +not to have any ill-feeling against me. + +"If you want to communicate with me, give everything to Sasha. She +will know where I am and will forward anything that is necessary; she +cannot tell you where I am, because I have made her promise not to +tell anyone." + +(_Letters to his Wife_, p. 590.) + + +III + + "_Shamordino._ + "_October 31, 1910._ + +"A meeting between us and still more my return is now utterly +impossible. For you it would be, as everyone declares, highly +injurious, and for me it would be awful, since now, in consequence of +your excitement, irritation and morbid condition, my position would, +if that is possible, be worse than ever. I advise you to resign +yourself to what has happened, to settle down in your new position, +and above all to attend to your health. To say nothing of loving, if +you don't absolutely hate me you ought to enter a little into my +position. And if you do that you not only will not blame me, but will +try to help me to find peace and the possibility of some sort of +human life, to help me by controlling yourself, and you will not wish +me to come back now. Your mood as at present, your desire to commit +suicide and efforts to do so, show more than anything your loss of +self-control, and make my return unthinkable at present. No one but +yourself can save all who are near you, me and above all yourself, +from sufferings such as we have endured in the past.[24] + +"Try to direct all your energies not to bringing about what you +desire--at present my return--but to bringing peace to your soul, and +you will get what you desire. + +"I have spent two days at Shamordino and Optina Pustyn, and am going +away. I will post this letter on the way. I do not say where I am +going, because I consider separation essential both for you and for +me. Do not think that I am going away because I do not love you: I +love and pity you with all my soul, but I cannot do otherwise than I +am doing. + +"Your letter I know was written sincerely, but you are not capable of +doing what you would wish to. And what matters is not the fulfilment +of any of my desires or demands, but only your balance, your calm, +reasonable attitude to life. And while that is lacking my life with +you is not thinkable. To return to you while you are in such a state +would be equivalent to committing suicide. And I do not consider that +I have a right to do that. Farewell, dear Sonya. God help you. Life +is no jesting matter, and we have no right to throw it away at our +own will, and it is unreasonable, too, to measure it by length of +time. Perhaps those months which we have left to live are more +important than all the years lived before, and we must live them +well." + + * * * * + +And from the touching interest which Leo Nikolaevitch displayed after +he went away in everything relating to Sofya Andreyevna, questioning +everyone about her with the greatest emotion and solicitude, it was +perfectly clear that, though he recognised before his conscience that +to live together with her any longer was impossible, yet in his soul +he was fully reconciled with her. + + +FOOTNOTES + +[22] I permit myself to quote this letter without asking +Alexandra Lvovna's permission to do so, because it has already, +without our previous knowledge, appeared in print in the historical +journal, _Facts and Days_ (Petrograd, 1920), and because it makes a +less one-sided impression in connection with the other contents of +the present book. + +[23] "Letters of Count L. N. Tolstoy to his wife, 1862-1910" +(Kushnerev & Co., 1915). + +[24] The words "sufferings such as we have endured in the +past" have been left out of Tolstoy's letters by Sofya Andreyevna +without any indication of an omission. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE MOTIVES THAT DECIDED HIS GOING AWAY + + +For us, the nearest friends of Leo Nikolaevitch, who watched step by +step what was taking place at Yasnaya Polyana during the last days of +his presence there, the reason why he could do nothing but go away +was easy to understand. But the reader who is not so closely +acquainted with all the circumstances may ask, Why exactly did Sofya +Andreyevna's behaviour on the last night have such an influence on +Leo Nikolaevitch? What did she do then that was new and not to be +expected from her previous behaviour? + +Of course Sofya Andreyevna's behaviour on that night only gave the +final impetus to Leo Nikolaevitch's going away. In reality the +question of leaving home had already been decided in his soul, and, +as it seems to me, he was, as it were, instinctively only awaiting +the inevitable final impulse for carrying out his intention. And the +key to the understanding of Leo Nikolaevitch's spiritual state at the +time is hidden in the words with which he concluded the note in his +diary concerning his departure: "I feel that I have saved myself, not +as Leo Nikolaevitch, but have saved what at times at least to some +small degree there is in me." These words are marvellous in their +touching humility on the lips of a man whose soul was filled to +overflowing and was the reflection of the highest principle, and at +the same time remarkable from the light which they throw on the +deeper motives of his departure. In these words one is conscious of +the dread--under the conditions beginning to exist about him--of +being deprived of the spiritual independence essential for the +preservation of the inviolability of his "holy of holies"--the dread +of being deprived of the possibility of resisting the ever-persisting +attacks from outside--which might very naturally come to pass, +considering Leo Nikolaevitch's extreme age and the gradual weakening +of his physical powers. + +It must not be forgotten also that by this time he had become +convinced of the complete uselessness, even undesirability, of his +remaining longer with Sofya Andreyevna, and that therefore the +various impulses to go away which he had before so scrupulously +repressed in his soul were now set free. The painful consciousness of +luxury and privilege in which his life was spent in the midst of the +poverty around him, the yearning for peace and solitude before death, +and many other causes began without hindrance to impel him in the +same direction. + +Thus the cup was already full and only the last drop was lacking. And +just at this time suddenly the new element in his wife's behaviour +which provided that last impulse to departure was revealed to Leo +Nikolaevitch. + +What was new to him was the sudden revelation of the atmosphere of +lying and hypocrisy in which he saw himself entangled. He +unexpectedly became the involuntary witness of how Sofya Andreyevna, +when she thought he was asleep, secretly stole up to his papers, and +of how, as soon as she found out that he was not asleep, she began +again at once as though nothing were the matter, expressing +solicitude for his health. His eyes were at once opened and he saw +what had long been well known to his intimate friends, but what the +remnant of confidence in and respect for his wife which were still +preserved in his soul, forbade him even to admit in his thoughts: +that is, that _she was acting a farce with him_. + +Together with this discovery everything was transformed for Leo +Nikolaevitch, and indeed that was inevitable. It was of little moment +that the incident which opened his eyes may seem in itself not to be +of much importance. For married people who have lived together fifty +years the first incident which reveals hypocrisy in one of them is +always of importance. This incident at once threw quite a new light +for Leo Nikolaevitch on all that had passed between him and Sofya +Andreyevna. Till that time he had supposed that he had to do with +sincere egoism and ill-will, with open wilfulness and innate +coarseness and with morbid abnormality. And meeting this with +unvarying mildness, patience and love, he recognised that he was +doing as he ought, and therefore felt an inner satisfaction. Now all +this was turned upside down. In the past the position had been clear; +before him was a definite evil which laid on him as definite a duty +to meet the evil with good. Now he had to do with a sort of tangle in +which there was so much falsity that it was impossible to make out +where reality ended and deception began; so that instead of his +former satisfaction Leo Nikolaevitch suddenly felt the ambiguous +position in which he found himself. So at least I explain to myself +the extreme emotion which Leo Nikolaevitch felt at his final decision +to go away. + +It is true that even before this he knew of Sofya Andreyevna's +insincere behaviour. A month before he went away he wrote of Sofya +Andreyevna in this diary: "I cannot get accustomed to regarding her +words as the ravings of delirium. All my trouble comes from that. It +is impossible to talk to her, because she does not recognise the +obligation of truth nor of logic, nor of her own words, nor of +conscience. It is awful. I am not speaking now of love for me, of +which there is no trace. She does not want my love for her either; +all she wants is that people should think that I love her, and that +is so awful." (_Diary, September 10, 1910._) Yet apparently Leo +Nikolaevitch still had no idea of the degree of insincerity and +deception of which Sofya Andreyevna was capable in her relations with +him personally. But on that night he was involuntarily brought face +to face with the manifestation of it, and he was the more revolted +because he had hitherto so scrupulously striven in his soul to +preserve some sort of trust in his wife. + +Finally, convinced that he was incapable of changing the spiritual +condition of Sofya Andreyevna, he saw now that his presence at her +side could only serve as a cause of offence for her, exciting the +worst side of her nature. And so the former obstacles to his +departure were removed from him, and his soul demanded release from +the unbefitting position in which he found himself. + +It is easy to understand that under such conditions the first serious +occasion was sufficient to impel him to carry out his long-cherished +intention, and he went away.[25] + + +FOOTNOTE + +[25] I have heard--it is true, from very few persons, and +those chiefly belonging to Leo Nikolaevitch's family--regret +expressed that he did not die peaceably at Yasnaya Polyana in the +midst of his family. The picture imagined by these people of the +death-bed of Leo Nikolaevitch in the home of his ancestors, +surrounded by all his family, and giving his blessing to his +grief-stricken wife, may perhaps be very touching. But such a scene +would in reality be impossible, since Sofya Andreyevna was in such a +condition of mind that, apart from a simulated exaggeration of +feeling and the basest preoccupation with the material heritage, +nothing more would have happened than on previous occasions when Leo +Nikolaevitch was taken with the attacks and fainting fits to which he +was liable, and it would have been painful for him. We ought, on the +contrary, to rejoice that circumstances gave Leo Nikolaevitch the +chance of spending the last days of his life and the last hours of +his consciousness in a quiet, genuine atmosphere, among intimate +friends who truly loved and understood him, and who strenuously +watched over his spiritual peace and did not pester him in those last +minutes with any worldly cares or material considerations. In this I +cannot but see an immense happiness and blessing for Leo +Nikolaevitch. + +Some people lay stress on the spiritual pain which Sofya Andreyevna +must have experienced when she learned that Leo Nikolaevitch had left +her. There is no doubt that this pain must have been very severe, +particularly at first. But one must not blame others for the +sufferings which are the work of the sufferer himself. If my own +negligence is the cause of a man slipping off the roof and falling on +my head I cannot blame him for the bruises he has caused me by his +fall. It is as unjust to blame Leo Nikolaevitch for the suffering +caused to Sofya Andreyevna by his departure, which was provoked by +herself. Moreover, sufferings which are the result of our own +mistakes are often beneficial. So in this instance, if Sofya +Andreyevna, toward the end of the life of Leo Nikolaevitch, ever +displayed the faintest gleams of consciousness of the great wrong she +had done him, it was only at the time of her heaviest suffering on +account of his leaving her. And therefore one may regret the causes +which called forth Leo Nikolaevitch's departure, but not that the +emotional shock given Sofya Andreyevna by it opened her eyes, if only +for a few instants, to the true significance of her behaviour to her +husband. + +If it should seem strange to anyone that Leo Nikolaevitch, even after +he had left home, so dreaded an interview with Sofya Andreyevna, that +is only because the mental condition in which, as Leo Nikolaevitch +well knew, she was at that time is too little known. When he left +Yasnaya Polyana Leo Nikolaevitch firmly and unhesitatingly decided to +cut himself off from his family, and therefore while he was still +hoping to live independently, he naturally avoided interviews with +Sofya Andreyevna, who would with all her energies, and without +scruple as to the means employed, have hindered his realising his +plan. When he was laid up at Astapavo and foresaw the possibility of +death being at hand, it was just as natural that he should have felt +the need of that spiritual tranquillity to which every dying man has +a right. And that Sofya Andreyevna's condition at that time really +was such that she could have brought nothing to his death-bed but +deception, vanity, material importunities, fuss and noise, that is +well known by all who have had the opportunity of watching at close +quarters her behaviour not only in all Leo Nikolaevitch's serious +illnesses in later years and during the last months of his life at +Yasnaya Polyana, but also during the first days after he had gone +away, and during her stay in his neighbourhood at Astapovo, and by +his bedside during the last unconscious moments, and during the first +hours after his death. Anyone who saw Sofya Andreyevna under all +these conditions cannot but acknowledge that Leo Nikolaevitch showed +great foresight in so persistently avoiding interviews with her while +she was in that condition. A personal interview between them at that +time could not only add nothing to what he had told her in his last +letters, which were permeated with forgiveness, pity and love, but, +judging from the mental condition in which Sofya Andreyevna still +was, it could only have evoked in her a renewal too painful for him +of the same insincerity, hypocrisy and importunities which had +provoked his departure. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +THE SIGNIFICANCE OF TOLSTOY'S GOING AWAY AND OF THE WHOLE SPIRITUAL +ACHIEVEMENT OF HIS LIFE + + +In an indirect way Leo Nikolaevitch's going away performed a great +service in a social sense by manifesting clearly that his living +beforehand for so long with his family was not due to the comforts of +a rich man's life, nor to his weakness and lack of will where his +wife was concerned. If circumstances had so fallen out that he had +not left his family up to the day of his death, the value of the +great example of his life would not, of course, have been one jot +less in reality. But it would have been hard for many to believe that +there was not a considerable share of egoism or weakness of character +in his living with his wife in the surroundings in which his family +lived. His departure from it revealed openly to contemporary and +future generations that his life in Yasnaya Polyana really was +surrounded by the most painful conditions. This event at once threw +the true light on all that he must have suffered before that in his +home surroundings, which many had been disposed to regard as peaceful +and agreeable for him. Now it had become evident to all that Leo +Nikolaevitch had remained with his family at Yasnaya Polyana for +nearly thirty years after the whole manner of life had become +distasteful and oppressive in the extreme for him,--and that he +remained not at all because he wanted to enjoy the comfort of a +wealthy landowner's life, nor because he was weak and wanting in will +where his wife was concerned. Now it is easy to understand that +during the whole of that time he was consciously sacrificing his +preferences and inclinations for the sake of doing what he regarded +as his duty to God and his family. And such an example of +self-sacrifice and consistency on the part of such a man as Tolstoy +doubtless has a conspicuous social value. + +Many of the most various opinions have been expressed as to whether +Tolstoy was right in leaving his family. To the friends of Leo +Nikolaevitch who respected his soul and recognise the freedom of +conscience and independence of human personality in all, the question +in regard to Leo Nikolaevitch's going away is not whether he was +right or wrong in taking that step. A man is really answerable not +to the conscience of another, but only to his own. It is enough for +us that it was not with a light heart that Leo Nikolaevitch came to +his final decision to leave his wife. Once more I repeat that since +he restrained himself for thirty years from going away, during the +whole of that period patiently bearing the most poignant spiritual +sufferings which often brought him to the verge of the grave,--and in +the end he did die indeed from not having gone away sooner,--then +surely we might do homage to the undoubted purity of his motives, and +recognise that he had the right to decide the question in the end not +in accordance with our views, but in accordance with his own +judgment. + +I at least for my part--carefully calling up before my imagination +all that I heard with my own ears from Leo Nikolaevitch himself, and +what I saw with my own eyes, amplifying this with what he wrote in +his diary and said in various writings and intimate letters, and +finally collating all this with contemporary communications, diaries +and notes of most intimate friends who were, just as I was, witnesses +of the great drama of the last months of his life--I do not see the +possibility even from the most critical standpoint of seeing the +slightest inconsistency in the fact that Leo Nikolaevitch remained so +long with his wife and then thought it necessary to leave her. In +this as in all else one can follow the inevitable, fully consistent +and independent reaction of his inner life to external circumstances +as they gradually opened out before him and suddenly took definite +shape towards the end. + +In all Leo Nikolaevitch's impulses and actions after the religious +revolution which took place in him in the 'eighties, the same +fundamental and guiding principle is all the time conspicuous; that +is, the perpetual effort which persisted to the day of his death, to +do not his own will nor the will of those surrounding him, but the +will of God as he interpreted it according to his best understanding. +What more can we expect of a man? + +If some or other of Leo Nikolaevitch's actions during the last months +of his life were not to the taste of some of his family, such, for +instance, as his depriving them of the inheritance of his literary +rights, his making a will without their knowledge and participation, +his leaving his manuscripts and diaries to other people, and lastly +his departing from amongst them; and if the material loss or their +wounded vanity leads them mistakenly to ascribe all this to the +supposed mental enfeeblement, the weakness of old age, and the fatal +influence on him of the circle of his "followers," at least there is +no necessity for people who are in no way personally affected to +follow the example of those of Leo Nikolaevitch's family who consider +themselves injured and repeat their unfair charges, which come in +reality to this, that Leo Nikolaevitch at the end of his life was in +his dotage and did a whole series of bad and stupid things. Some of +Leo Nikolaevitch's family wrongly imagined that since he had remained +with his family so long he had lost all freedom of choice, and ought +not to have moved from the spot until his death, like a thing laid on +a shelf which cannot move of its own initiative. Leo Nikolaevitch was +not only a living man, but a man of exceptionally strong and active +inner life, which was continually growing and developing and spurring +him on to new external manifestations which were often a surprise to +those who watched him. On all the important occasions of his life he +always acted without following any programme imposed on him from +outside, or being affected by any personal influence; he was +independently guided only by the prompting of his inner consciousness +and entirely free from pose or any striving after effect. But at the +same time he never drew back before the most extreme decisions when +it was a question of obeying the dictates of his conscience. And so +he had continually to do what was not foreseen or understood by +others, and often not approved even by the majority of those about +him. + +At one time people were enthusiastic over Tolstoy's creative genius, +and thought that he would do nothing all his life but write novels +for them. He brooded over the meaning of life, devoted himself to the +service of God, and began to point out to men how godlessly they +lived. Then they, struck by his inspired indictment of social life, +expected that he would abandon his family and go about the world +preaching like a prophet. But, manifesting love first of all to those +nearest to him, and despising the censure of men, he remained almost +thirty years with his wife and children under conditions most +distressing for himself, hoping to be at least some little help in +bringing them to a reasonable life. People became accustomed to the +thought that old Tolstoy, physically weakened and professing the +doctrine of non-resistance, would end his life at Yasnaya Polyana. +But becoming convinced that being by his wife's side had in the end +only become a stumbling-block to her and a restriction on his own +spiritual life, to the surprise of all he left Yasnaya Polyana, at +eighty-two, with shattered health, in order to live amidst poor +surroundings, near to the working people so dear to his heart. + +With Tolstoy everything was original and unexpected. The setting of +his end was bound to be the same. Under the circumstances in which he +was placed, and with the marvellously delicate sensitiveness and +responsiveness to impressions which distinguished his exceptional +nature, nothing else could or should have happened than just what did +happen. There happened just what was in harmony with the external +circumstances and the inner spiritual characteristics of Leo +Nikolaevitch Tolstoy and no other. Any other solution of his domestic +relations, any other surroundings of his death, even though in +harmony with a certain traditional pattern, would have been false and +artificial. Leo Nikolaevitch went away and died without affected +sentimentality and emotional phrases, without loud words and +eloquent gestures; he went away and died as he had lived, +truthfully, sincerely and simply; and a better, truthful, more +befitting end to his life could not be imagined, for just that end +was the natural and inevitable one. + +As time erases all the personal element which has hitherto played so +great a part in the criticisms of Leo Nikolaevitch, all the purity of +his impulses and deep wisdom of his decisions in the most complicated +and difficult circumstances which could fall to the lot of man will +stand out before the eyes of men in all their force. And then his +life, especially its second period, from his spiritual awakening to +his death, will serve as a bright and an increasing example of how we +ought and can, guided by the voice of God in our souls, combine in +our actions the greatest warmth of heart and gentleness toward those +who injure us with an unalterable firmness where fidelity to that +higher principle which one serves is concerned. + + _Telyatniki, + May 15th, 1913._ + _Moscow, 1920._ + + + + +PART III + +TOLSTOY'S ATTITUDE TO HIS SUFFERINGS + + +I think that to complete what has been said here about Tolstoy's +"going away" it would be desirable to look rather more attentively at +the growth of Leo Nikolaevitch's inner consciousness in the course of +the last decades of his life, and at that side of the development of +his spiritual life which is connected with his attitude to suffering, +in particular to his own sufferings arising from the conditions of +his family life which have been examined in the present book. + +Let us listen first of all to Leo Nikolaevitch's own words in regard +to the thoughts and feelings he had to pass through in this +connection. For this purpose we make use of his diary and private +letters. Much precious material on this subject is contained in his +diary for 1884, which he personally handed to me to take care of +immediately after it was finished, and from which I will make the +following extracts. This diary was kept by Leo Nikolaevitch just at +that time when the great drama of his family life, which in the end +brought him to the tomb, was taking shape. I venture to give +publicity to the lines quoted below, written by Leo Nikolaevitch in +the most difficult moments of his life, solely for the sake of +removing those misunderstandings and false deductions which, as I +have indicated before, have accumulated in such numbers since his +death around the question of his "going away." I hope that the reader +will understand my motives and will approach these private notes of +Leo Nikolaevitch with the same feeling of reverence with which I +reproduce them here. + +From the Diary of L. N. Tolstoy of 1884. + +_April 16._--It is very painful at home, painful that I cannot +sympathise with them. All their joys, examinations, successes in +society, music, furniture, shopping, I look upon all of it as a +misfortune and evil for them and cannot say that to them. I can and I +do say it, but my words do not take hold of anyone. It seems as +though they know not the meaning of my words, but that I have a bad +habit of saying them. At weak moments--this is one now--I wonder at +their heartlessness. How is it they do not see that, not to speak of +suffering, I have had no life at all for these three years? I am +given the part of a peevish old man and I cannot get out of it in +their eyes. If I take part in their life I am false to the truth, and +they will be the first to throw that in my face. If I look mournfully +now upon their madness, I am a peevish old man like all old men. + +_April 23._--Shameful, disgusting. Terrible depression. I am all +filled with weakness. I must as in a dream be on my guard so as not +to spoil in the dream that which is needed for real life. I am drawn +and drawn into the mire, and useless are my shudders. If only I am +not drawn in without a protest! There has been no spite, little +vanity, or none at all, but of weakness, mortal weakness, these days +are full. Longing for real death. There is no despair. But I would +like to live and not to be on guard on one's life. + +_April 24._--The same weakness and the same victorious mire sucking +one in, drawing one down. + +_April 26._--Must be happy in an unhappy life, must ... make this the +object of my life. And I can do it when I am strong in the spirit. + +_May 15._--I am miserable. I am an insignificant, useless creature, +and am absorbed in myself besides. The one good thing is that I want +to die. + +_May 16._--O Lord, save me from the hateful life which is crushing +and destroying me. The one good thing is, I long to die. Better to +die than live like this. + +_May 17._--I dreamed that my wife loved me. How light my heart was, +everything grew bright. Nothing like it in reality. And that is +destroying my life.... At home still the same general death. Only the +little children are alive. A wearisome conversation at tea again. All +one's life in terror. + +_May 26._--I am as in a dream ... when I know that a tiger is coming, +and in a minute.... + +_June 1._--Dullness, deadness of soul--that one could bear, but with +it insolence, self-confidence ... one must know how to bear that too, +if not with love, with pity. I am irritable, gloomy all day. I am +bad.... How to live here, how to break through pouring sand. I will +try. + +_June 2._--Conversation at tea with my wife. Angry again. Tried to +write, it wouldn't go.... How be a shining light when I am still +full of weakness which I have not the strength to overcome? + +_June 4._--Thought a great deal about my wife. I must love her and +not be angry with her, must make her love me; so I will do. + +_June 6._--After dinner misery ... in the evening revived a little. +Could not be loving as I would. I am very bad. + +_June 7._--I am trying to be bright and happy, but it is very, very +hard. Everything I do is wrong, and I suffer horribly from this +wrongness. It is as though I alone were not mad in the house of the +mad managed by the mad. + +_June 9._--Agonising struggle, and I do not control myself. I look +for the reasons--tobacco, incontinence, absence of imaginative work. +It is all nonsense. The only cause is the absence of a loved and +loving wife. It began from that time fourteen years ago when the cord +snapped and I realised my loneliness.[26] All that is not a reason. +I must find a wife in her. I ought, and I can and I will: Lord, help +me. + +_June 10._--It is awful that the luxury, the corruption of life in +which I live I have myself created, and I am myself corrupted and I +cannot reform it. I can say that I shall reform myself, but so +slowly. I cannot give up smoking, and I cannot find a way of treating +my wife so as not to hurt her feelings and not to give in to her. I +am seeking it, I am trying. + +_June 16._[27]--It was very painful, longed to go away at once. All +that is weakness. Not for men's sake but for God's. Do as one knows +best for oneself and not in order to prove something. But it is +awfully painful. Of course I am to blame if it hurts me. I struggle, +I put out the rising fire, but I feel that it has violently bent the +scales. And indeed what use am I to them, what use are all my +sufferings? And however hard (though they are easy) the conditions of +a vagrant's life, there can be nothing in it like this heartache! + +_June 23._--I am calmer, stronger in spirit. In the evening a cruel +conversation about the Samara revenues.[28] I am trying to act as +though in the presence of God, and I cannot avoid anger. This must +end. + +_July 6._--I was reading over the diary of those days when I was +seeking the cause of temptation. All nonsense--it is the absence of +hard physical labour.[29] I do not sufficiently prize the happiness +of freedom from temptation after work. That happiness is cheaply +bought at the price of fatigue and aching muscles. + +_July 5_ (isn't it the 8th?).--My wife is very serene and contented +and does not see the gulf between us. I try to do what I ought, but +what I ought I do not know. I must do as I ought every minute, and +everything will turn out as it should. + +_July 19._--She came in to me and began a hysterical scene--the +upshot of which is that nothing can be changed and she is unhappy and +wants to run away somewhere. I was sorry for her, but at the same +time I recognised that it was hopeless--to the day of my death she +will be a millstone round my neck and my children's. I suppose it +must be so. I must learn not to drown with a millstone round my neck. +But the children? It seems it must be, and it only hurts me because I +am short-sighted. I soothed her as though she were ill. + +_August 8._--I thought; we reproach God, we complain that we meet +with obstacles in fulfilling the teaching of Christ. Well, but what +if we were all free from families who disagree with us? We should +come together and live happily and joyfully. But the others? The +others would not know. We want to gather all the light together that +it may burn better, but God has scattered the fire among the logs. +They are being kindled while we fret that they are not burning. + +_August 12._--It is all right with my wife, but I am afraid and +straining every nerve. + +_August 14._--Peace and friendliness with my wife, but I am afraid +every minute. + +_August 20._--An outburst against me at dinner.... The sense of peace +and welfare had got hold of the family. Every one depressed ... +painful conversation in the house. Sonya, feeling that she was to +blame tried to justify herself by anger. I was sorry for her. + +_August 21._--In the morning began a conversation, hotly too but +well. I said what ought to be said.... I came home. Sonya was +reconciled. How glad I was. Certainly if she would take to being good +she would be very good. + +_September 3._--Something touches them somehow ... but I don't know +how. + +_September 7._--Went looking for mushrooms ... my wife did not follow +me but went off by herself not knowing where, only not after me--that +is all our life. + +_September 9._--It is pleasant being with my wife. Told her +unpleasant truths and she was not angry. + +_September 10._--Sonya tidied my room and then shouted disgustingly +at Vlass. I am training myself to abstain from indignation and to see +in it a moral bump which one must recognise as a fact and face its +existence in one's action. + +_September 15._--Went to look for mushrooms. Miserable. + +_September 17._--Talk in the morning. And sudden fury. Then she came +to me and nagged until I was beside myself. I said nothing and did +nothing, but I was very unhappy. She ran away in hysterics, I ran +after her, horribly worried. + + * * * * + +After this diary of 1884 no diaries so far as I know were left by Leo +Nikolaevitch for several years. Did he cease to keep his diary that +he might not increase his spiritual sufferings by recording them on +paper, preferring to continue his intense struggle with himself in +complete solitude before no one but his God? Did he keep a diary and +afterwards himself destroy it, not wishing to reveal to anyone the +sufferings to which he was subjected? Were the missing diaries lost +in some other way, if indeed they ever existed? To these questions +there is no answer, and it is hardly likely there will be. + +By Leo Nikolaevitch's notes in his later diaries kept from the year +1888, one thing is placed beyond doubt, that is, that his spiritual +sufferings and inward struggles in connection with his family +relations continued the whole of the rest of his life. And in this +struggle his higher consciousness became brighter and brighter, his +spiritual force grew and gained strength. As the years passed he +gained an amazing mastery of his personal desires and weaknesses. At +times, as indeed was inevitable, he recognised with peculiar pain his +complete loneliness in the midst of the people surrounding him. To +what degree he felt himself a stranger in his own family, how +completely he was deprived of that warm, genuine sympathy on the part +of his wife which is the most precious thing in married life, can to +some extent be judged by the notes in which, with irrepressible +grief, he recalls his mother. + +His attitude to her memory, as is well known, was always the most +reverent. In his _Recollections of Childhood_ he writes of her: "It +was necessary for her to love not herself, and one love followed +another. Such is the spiritual figure of my mother in my imagination; +she stood before me as such a lofty, pure, spiritual being that often +in the middle period of my life, when I was struggling with +temptations which almost overwhelmed me, I prayed to her soul, +entreating her to help me, and this prayer was always a help to me." + +Leo Nikolaevitch sometimes invoked the holy image of his mother in +his most difficult moments, even in his old age. In the beginning of +1900 he wrote on a scrap of paper, "Dull, miserable state the whole +day. Towards evening this mood passed into tenderness--a desire for +fondness, for love, longed as children do to press up to a loving, +pitying creature and to weep with emotion and to be comforted. But +what creature is there to whom I could come close like that? I go +over all the people I have loved; not one is suitable to whom I can +come close. If I could be little and snuggle up to my mother as I +imagine her to myself! Yes, yes, mother whom I called to when I could +not speak, yes, she, my highest imagination of pure love,--not cold, +divine love, but earthly, warm, motherly. It is to that that my +battered, weary soul is drawn. You, mother, you caress me. All this +is senseless, but it is all true." + +On apparently the next day, calmly analysing the attack of misery he +had passed through the day before, he wrote in his diary: "Yesterday +particularly oppressed condition. Everything unpleasant felt with +peculiar vividness. So I say to myself, but in reality I seek what is +unpleasant; I am receptive, absorbent to what is unpleasant. I could +not get rid of this feeling anyhow. I have tried everything--prayer +and the sense of my own badness--and nothing succeeds. Prayer, that +is, vividly picturing my position does not reach to the depths of my +consciousness; the recognition of my worthlessness, paltriness does +not help. It is not that one wants something, but is miserably +dissatisfied one does not know with what. It seems it is with life, +one longs to die. Towards evening this condition passed into a +feeling of forlornness and an overwhelming desire of fondling, of +love; I, an old man, longed to be a baby, to snuggle up to a loving +creature, to be petted, to complain and to be fondled and comforted. +But who is the being to whom I could snuggle up and on whose arms I +could weep and complain? There is no one living. Then what is this? +Still the same devil of egoism which in such a new, cunning form is +trying to deceive and overpower me. This last feeling has explained +to me the state of misery which preceded it. It is only the +weakening, the temporary disappearance of spiritual life and the +assertion of the claims of egoism which on awakening finds no food +for itself and is miserable. The only means to use against it is to +serve someone in the simplest way that comes first, to work for +someone."--(_Diary, March 11, 1906._) + +The complete absence in Leo Nikolaevitch of the slightest +sentimentality in regard to the spiritual sufferings which he had to +endure was apparently connected with his lofty conception of Christ +and the deep reverence he felt for his heroic life. In 1885 Leo +Nikolaevitch wrote: "Christ conquered the world and saved it not by +suffering for us, but by suffering with love and joy, _i.e._ by +conquering suffering, and he taught us thereby." + +And indeed to the very last days and hours of his life Leo +Nikolaevitch persistently and with striking success strove to train +himself to "conquer suffering." In confirmation of my words I quote a +series of further extracts from his diaries and letters. + +_June 15, 1889_ (from a diary).--"I am burdened by life, I forget +that if one has vital forces they can be used for the service of God, +and that there is no getting away, there is no emptiness, everywhere +there is contact, and in contact there is life." + +_July 18, 1889_ (from the letters).--"What do I want? To live with +God, according to His will, with Him. What is wanted for that? One +thing only is wanted: to preserve the talent given to me, my soul, +given to me not only to preserve but to make it grow. How make it +grow? I know for myself what is needed; to keep what is animal in me +in purity, what is human in humility, and what is divine in love. +What is wanted for preserving purity? Privations, privations of every +sort. Humility? humiliation. Love? the hostility of men. Where and +how am I to keep my purity without privations, my humility without +humiliation, and my love without hostility? 'And if you love those +that love you, that is not love, but love ye your enemies, love ye +those that hate you.' One sorrow approaches humiliation and +hostility, and these thoughts have revived me. Another sorrow is +privation, suffering--the very thing that is needed for the growth of +the soul. That is how one must look at it." + +_July 18, 1889_ (from the letters).--All our sorrows have one root, +and, strange as it sounds, they all not only can, but ought, to be a +blessing.... God grant that we may believe in the possibility of +it--that is one thing; and the other is that we may not return in +thought to our sorrow, in our imagination changing the conditions in +which our sorrow has occurred and correcting our actions. "If we had +done this or that this would not have happened." God preserve us +from this mistake, with its painful consequences. What has been is, +and what is was bound to have been, and all our vital force ought to +be directed to the present, to bearing our cross in the best way +possible. + +_December, 1889_ (from the letters).--The cross is given according to +the strength.... I believe that, and cannot but believe it, because I +know by experience that the harder my sufferings have been, if only I +have succeeded in taking them in a Christian spirit ... the fuller, +more vivid, more joyful and full of meaning life has become. It is so +often insincerely repeated that sufferings are good for us and are +sent by God, that we have ceased to believe it, and yet it is the +simplest, clearest and most indubitable truth. Suffering--what is +called suffering--is the condition of spiritual growth. Without +suffering growth is impossible, the widening of life is impossible. +For this reason sufferings also always accompany death. If a man had +no suffering he would be in a bad way; that is why they say among the +people that those whom God loves He visits by misfortunes. I +understand that a man may be sad and apprehensive when misfortunes +have not visited him for a long time. There is no movement, no growth +of life. Suffering is only suffering for the heathen, for the man +who has not the light of the truth, and for us in the measure in +which we have not the light; but sufferings cease to be such for the +Christian--they become birth-pangs, even as Christ promised to +deliver us from evil. And all this is not rhetoric, but is for me as +undoubtedly in accordance with reason and experience as that it is +now winter. + +1892-3 (from the letters).--Nothing, I imagine, sets a man free from +dependence on others and brings him near, or rather may bring him +near, to God so much as your position. One only leans upon Him when +men compel one to. God help you to bear your cross patiently, +submissively, so as to get from it all the good which external +suffering gives and can give. Or it will be mortifying that there has +been suffering, but struggling with it, indignant and despairing, you +did not get from it all that it is capable of giving. + +_May 17, 1893_ (from the letters).--I am forced to live without +personal, legitimate joys such as you have: labour, associations with +animals, nature; without association (not poisoned by their +corruption) with children; without the encouragement of public +opinion. What has happened to me is not exactly that the praise of +men has destroyed for me the attractiveness of their praise, but +their praise has been tainted, has become poisoned. I cannot now +desire the praise of men, fame among the crowd, because I have it and +know how double-faced it is; if there are some who praise, there are +others who revile; that praise of men which you have, the good +opinion of estimable men for a good life, at least consistent with +your convictions I cannot have. And on the top of all that this +praise of men--the way they write abroad and the opinion is current, +that I lead a modest, laborious life in poverty--that praise arraigns +me every second as a liar, a scoundrel living in luxury, making money +out of the sale of his books. If I think of the praise of men it is +like a thief who is every minute afraid that he will be caught, so +that I have not only to live without the stimulus of lawful joys, and +not only without the praise of men, but even with the perpetual +consciousness of the shamefulness of life; I have to live by that +which I consider men can and ought to live by; that is, by the +consciousness of fulfilling the will of Him who sent us. And I see +that I am still far from being ready for that, and am still only +learning, and life is teaching me. And I ought to rejoice, and I do +rejoice. + +_February 28, 1894_ (from the letters).--The longer I live and the +nearer I am to death, the more certain to me is the injustice of our +wealthy mode of life, and I cannot help suffering by it. + +_March 27, 1895_ (from a diary).--If there is suffering there has +been and is egoism. Love does not know suffering, because the loving +life is the divine life which can do all. Egoism is the limitation of +personality. + +_December 20, 1896_ (from a diary).--Everything just as painful. Help +me, O Father. Comfort me. Be strong in me, subdue me, drive out and +destroy the unclean flesh and all that I feel through it. It is +better now though. Particularly soothing is the problem--the trial of +meekness, of humiliation, of quite unexpected humiliation. In +fetters, in prison one may be proud of humiliation, but in this case +it is merely painful, unless one takes it as a trial sent from God. +Yes, I will learn to bear it calmly, joyfully and to love. + +_January 18, 1897_ (from a diary).--Depressing, disgusting. +Everything repels me in the life they are living around me. +Alternately I get free from misery and suffering and fall into it +again. Nothing shows so clearly how far I am from what I want to be. +If my life really were spent wholly in the service of God nothing +could trouble it. + +_April 4, 1907_ (from a diary).--I have not lost my calm though my +soul is agitated, but I am mastering it. O God! if one could but +remember that one is His messenger, that the divinity ought to shine +through one! But what is hard is that if one only remembers this, one +will not live, and yet one must live, live energetically and +remember. Help me O Father. I have prayed a great deal of late that +life might be better, for I am ashamed and cast down by the +consciousness of the unrighteousness of my life. + +_July 12, 1897_ (from the letters).--I understand your trouble and +sympathise with all my heart. It is your examination, try not to fail +in it. Remember that it is the one chance of applying your faith to +life. I always strengthen myself with that in difficult moments, and +sometimes with success. + +1897 (from the letters).--The doubts as to whether one makes +concessions for the sake of not destroying love or for the sake of +indulging in one's own weaknesses persist as ever, and the older I +get, the more strongly I feel this sin, and I humble myself, but I do +not submit, and I hope to rise up again. + +_March 10, 1899_ (from the letters).--It is very difficult and dreary +and lonely for me and I am afraid of unpleasantness--of people being +angry with me, and people are angry with me. + +_November 29, 1901_ (from a diary).--If you are suffering it is only +from your not seeing everything (the time has not yet come). What is +accomplished by those sufferings has not been revealed. + +_January 31, 1903_ (from the letters).--Sufferings are profitable +just because a man in ordinary worldly life forgets the unbreakable +bond which exists between all living creatures; the sufferings which +he endures and of which he has been the cause to other people remind +him of that bond. This bond is spiritual, seeing that the Son of God +is one in all men; physical sufferings drive a man involuntarily into +the spiritual sphere in which he feels in union with God and with the +world, and in which he ... bears the sufferings caused by others as +though caused by himself, and even joyfully takes upon himself the +burden of suffering, taking it from others. In that is the profit and +fruitfulness of suffering. + +_June 12, 1905_ (from a diary).--More and more I am pained by my +abundance and the want surrounding me. + +_May 29, 1906_ (from a diary).--I am very heavy-hearted with shame at +my life, and what to do I don't know: Lord, help me. + +_November 23, 1906_ (from a diary).--In a very good spiritual state +of love for all. Read the Epistle of St. John. Marvellous, only now I +understand it fully. To-day there was a great temptation which I did +not fully conquer. Abakumov overtook me with a petition and a +complaint at having been sentenced to prison on account of the oak +trees. It was very painful. He cannot understand that I, the husband, +cannot do as I like, and looks on me as an evil-doer and a Pharisee +hiding behind my wife. I had not the strength to bear it lovingly, +said that I could not go on living here. And that was wrong. +Altogether I am more and more abused on all hands; that's a good +thing, it drives me to God--if I could only remain there. Altogether +I am conscious of one of the greatest changes which has taken place +in me just now. I feel this from my serenity and joyfulness and the +good feeling (I dare not say love) for people. + +_June 7, 1907_ (from a diary).--My former ailment has passed, but a +new one seems to be beginning. To-day I was very, very sad. I am +ashamed to confess it, but I cannot call up joy. My soul is calm and +grave, but not joyful. My sadness is chiefly due to the darkness in +which people live so persistently. The exasperation of the peasants, +our senseless luxury. Experienced the joy of being alone with God ... +sorrowful, sorrowful. Lord, help me, burn up the old fleshly man in +me. Yes, the one consolation, the one salvation is to live in +eternity and not in time. + +_April 7, 1908_ (from the letters).--One thing I can say, that the +reasons which restrain me from changing my manner of life as you +advise me,--though not changing it, is a source of misery to me--the +reasons that hinder me have their origin in the same principles of +love, in the name of which the change is desirable both for you and +me. It is very probable that I do not know and am not capable, or +simply there are bad qualities in me which prevent me from doing what +you advise me. But what is to be done? With the utmost effort of my +mind and heart I cannot find the means, and I should only be thankful +to anyone who will point it out to me. I say this quite sincerely, +without any irony. + +_May 20, 1908_ (from a diary).--My life is good in that I bear all +the burden of a wealthy life which I detest--the sight of others +labouring for me, the begging for help, the censure, the envy, the +hatred,--and I do not enjoy its advantages, even that of loving what +is done for me and helping those who ask. + +_July 3, 1908_ (from a diary).--The day before yesterday I received a +letter full of upbraidings for my wealth and hypocrisy and +persecution of the peasants, and, to my shame, it hurt me. To-day I +have been sad and ashamed all day. Just now I went for a ride, and it +seemed so desirable, so joyful to go away like a beggar, thanking and +loving everyone. Yes, I am weak, I cannot perpetually live in my +spiritual self, and as soon as one does not live in it, everything +vexes one. One thing is good, that I am dissatisfied with myself and +ashamed, but I must not be proud of it. + +_July 9, 1908_ (from a diary).--I have passed through very painful +feelings; thank God that I have passed through them. An innumerable +multitude of people, and all this would be joyful if it were not all +poisoned by the consciousness of the senselessness, sinfulness, +nastiness, luxury, servants, and poverty and overstrained intensity +of labour around. Without ceasing I suffer misery from it, and I +alone. I cannot help wishing for death, though I hope as far as I +can to make use of what is left. + +_January 12, 1909_ (from a diary).--It grows more and more difficult. +I do not know how to thank God that, together with the growing +difficulty, the strength to endure it grows also. Together with the +burden there is also the strength, and there is incomparably more joy +from the consciousness of strength than pain from the burden. Yes, +for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. + +_May 6, 1907_ (from the letters).--It is hard for you. God help you +to bear your trial without reproaches to others and without +infringement of love for them. It is always a great help to me, when +anything is difficult, to think and to remember that it is the +material--and necessary, good material--upon which I am called to +work, and not before men but before God. + +_July 21, 1909_ (from a diary).--Last night Sonya has been weak and +irritable. I could not go to sleep till after two o'clock. I woke up +feeling weak, I was awakened. Sonya did not sleep all night. I went +to her. It was something insane. "Dushan poisoned her," etc. I am +tired and cannot stand it any more and feel quite ill. I feel I +cannot be loving and reasonable, absolutely cannot. At present I +want only to keep away and to take no part. There is nothing else I +can do, or else I have seriously thought of escaping. Now then, show +your Christianity. _C'est le moment ou jamais._ But I awfully want to +go away. I doubt if my presence here is of any use to anyone. Help +me, my God, teach me. There is only one thing I want--to do not my +will, but Thine. I write and ask myself: Is it true? Am I posing to +myself? Help me, help me, help me! + +_July 22, 1909_ (from a diary).--Yesterday I did not eat anything and +did not sleep. As usual I felt very wretched. I am wretched now, but +my heart is melted. Yes--to love those that do us evil, you say; will +try it. I try, but badly. I think more and more of going away and +making a settlement about property.... I don't know what I shall do. +Help, help, help! This "help" means that I am weak, bad. It is a good +thing that I am at any rate conscious of this.... + +_July 26, 1909_ (from a diary).--After dinner I spoke of Sweden; she +became terribly, hysterically irritated. She wanted to poison herself +with morphia. I tore it out of her hands and threw it under the +stairs. I struggled. But when I went to bed and thought it over +calmly I decided not to go. I went and told her. She is pitiful; I am +truly sorry for her. But how instructive it is! I did nothing except +inwardly work at myself. And as soon as I started on my own self, +everything was solved. I have been ill all day.... + +_August 28, 1909_ (from a diary).--Dreadfully, dreadfully miserable +and oppressed; depression partly produced by letter from Berlin, in +reference to Sofya Andreyevna's letter and the article in the +_Petersburg News_, saying that Tolstoy is a deceiver and a hypocrite. +To my shame I did not rejoice at being reviled, but was hurt, and the +whole evening was agonisingly depressed. Go away? More and more often +the question presents itself. + +_August 29, 1909_ (from a diary).--Painful feeling and desire (a bad +one?) to run away, and uncertainty what is my duty to God. In calm +moments, as now, I know that what is necessary above all is to do +nothing, to bear all, to remain in love. + +_September 4, 1909_ (from a diary).--The false judgment of men about +me, the necessity for remaining in this position--however hard it all +is, I begin at times to understand its beneficial effect on my soul. + +_November 15, 1909_ (from a diary).--The misery, almost despair, at +my idle life in senseless luxury, in the midst of men who are +overworked and deprived of the essentials, of the possibility of +satisfying their first needs, keeps growing more intense. It is +agonising to live like this, and I do not know how to help myself and +them. In weak moments I long to die. Help me, O Father, to do Thy +will up to the last minute. Meditation about myself which I am +learning, and to which I am giving myself up more and more of late, +has advanced me much, very much; but, as always, true progress in +goodness ... only reveals one's imperfection more and more. + +_January 8, 1910_ (from the letters).--I live wrongly in wealth, +though myself I have nothing, but with those who live in wealth. + +_January 8, 1910_ (from the letters).--If man grows weak he is weaker +than water. If he grows strong he is stronger than rock. What +strengthens me most in difficult moments is the sense that the very +thing that is worrying one is the material on which we are called to +work, and the material is the more precious the more difficult the +moments. + +_March 19, 1910_ (from the letters).--In bad moments think that what +is happening to you is the material on which you are called to work. +To me at any rate this thought and the feeling evoked by it is a +great help. + +_April 13, 1910_ (from a diary).--I woke at five and kept thinking +how to get out, what to do, and I don't know. I thought of +writing--and writing is loathsome while I remain in this life. Speak +to her? Go away? Change? By degrees ... it seems as though the last +is the only thing I shall and can do, and yet it is painful. Perhaps, +certainly, indeed that is good. Help me, Thou Who art in me, in +everything, and Who exists and Whom I implore and love. I am weeping +now as I love. + +_April 14, 1910_ (from the letters).--You ask whether I like the life +in which I find myself. No, I don't like it. I don't like it because +I am living with my own people in luxury while there are poverty and +want around me, and I cannot get away from the luxury, and I cannot +help the poverty and want. For this I do not like my life. I like it +in that it is in my power to act, and that I can act, and that I do +act in the measure of my strength in accordance with the teaching of +Christ, to love God and my neighbour. To love God means to love the +perfection of goodness and to approach it as far as one can. To love +one's neighbour is to love all people alike as one's brothers and +sisters. It is this, and this alone, that I am striving for, and +since, little by little, however poorly, I am approaching it I do not +grieve, but only rejoice. You ask me too, if I rejoice, at what do I +rejoice, and what joy do I expect? I rejoice that I can carry out to +the measure of my strength the task set me by my Master; to work for +the setting up of that Kingdom of God to which we are all striving. + +_June 4, 1910_ (from a diary).--I had a good ride; I came back and +found the Circassian who was taking Prokofy. I was horribly +distressed and thought of going away, and now at five in the morning +I don't look on that as impossible. + +_July 2, 1910_ (from the letters).--All will be well if we do not +grow weak.... Very painful, but the better for that. + +_July 16, 1910_ (from the letters).--I feel well ... a little weaker +than usual, but still well.... Why, really when I am calm I actually +feel that in all this there is more of good than bad, incomparably +more. It is absurd even to compare the little unpleasantnesses, +agitations, privations, and the sense of growing nearer to God. + +_July 20, 1910_ (from the letters).--I am grateful to you for having +helped and helping me to bear the trial that I have deserved and that +is needful for my soul.... And please do help us both not to grow +weak and not to do anything of which we shall repent. + +_July 29, 1910_ (from the letters).--We will each of us try to act as +we ought, and it will be all right. I am trying with all my might, +and I feel that that is the only thing that matters. + +_July 31, 1910_ (from the letters).--If only we do not ourselves +spoil things all will be as it ought to be--that is, well. + +_August 7, 1910_ (from the letters).--I am sorry for her, and she is +undoubtedly more to be pitied than I, so that it would be wrong of me +to increase her sufferings out of pity for myself. Though I am tired +I am really all right. Ever nearer and nearer comes the revelation of +the certainly blessed, fore-divined mystery, and getting near it +cannot but rejoice me. + +_August 9, 1910_ (from the letters).--The nearer one is to death, or +anyway the more vividly one thinks of it (and thinking of it is +thinking of one's own true life which is independent of death), the +more important the one needful work of life becomes, and the clearer +it is that for the securing of that non-infringement of love with +anyone, I must not undertake anything, but only _do nothing_. + +_August 14, 1910_, morning (from the letters).--I know that all this +present particularly morbid state may seem affected, intentionally +worked up (to some extent that is so), but the chief point is that it +is anyway illness, perfectly obvious illness, that deprives her of +will and self-control. If it is said that she is herself to blame for +this relaxation of her will, for giving in to her egoism, which began +long ago, the fault is of the past, of long ago. Now she is quite +irresponsible and one can feel for her nothing but pity, and it is +impossible, for me at any rate, utterly impossible, _contrecourir_ +(to run counter to) her, and so unmistakably increase her sufferings. +I do not believe that the complete vindication of my decision opposed +to her wishes would be good for her, and if I did believe it I still +could not do that. Apart from the fact that I think that I ought to +act in this way, the point is that I know from experience that when I +insist, I am miserable, and when I give way I am not only +light-hearted, I am even joyful.... I have been ill for the last few +days, but to-day I am much better. And I am particularly glad of it +to-day, because there is anyway fewer chances of one's saying or +doing wrong when one is physically well. + +_August 14, 1910_, evening (from the letters).--I agree that one +ought not to make promises to anyone, and especially to a person in +the state in which she is now, but I am bound now not by any promise, +but simply by pity, by compassion, which I have been feeling +particularly strongly to-day as I wrote to you. Her position is very +painful, no one can see it and not sympathise with it. + +_August 20, 1910_; Kotchety. (From the letters.)--Without +exaggeration I can say that I recognise that what has happened was +inevitable, and therefore profitable for my soul. I think so at any +rate in my better moments. + +_August 25, 1910_; Kotchety. (From the letters.)--Of myself I may say +that I am very well here, even my health, which was affected too by +agitation, is far better. I am trying to behave as justly and firmly +as possible in regard to Sofya Andreyevna, and it seems as though I +am more or less successful in my object of calming her.... I am often +terribly sorry for her. When one thinks what it must be for her +lying awake alone at nights, for she gets no sleep for the greater +part of the night, with a confused but painful consciousness that she +is not loved, but is burdensome to everyone except the children, one +cannot but pity her. + +_August 28, 1910_; Kotchety. (From the letters.)--Do not think that +it is easy for me to advise the manly, serene and even joyful +endurance of suffering because I do not myself experience it. Do not +think that, because all men are liable to sufferings which may be +regarded as objectless torments, or as trials, the mild and religious +endurance of which may, strange as it sounds, be transmuted to a +greater spiritual blessing. We are all liable to these trials, and +often to much harder ones than those which you are enduring. May God +who lives in you help you to be conscious of yourself. And when there +is that consciousness there is no suffering and there is no death. + +_August 30, 1910_; Kotchety. (From the letters.)--Sofya Andreyevna +went away from here yesterday, and took a very touching farewell of +me and Tanya and her husband, with evident sincerity begging +forgiveness of all with tears in her eyes. She is inexpressibly +pathetic. What will happen later I cannot imagine. "Do what you +ought before your conscience and God, and what will be will be," I +say to myself and try to act on it. + +_September 9, 1910_; Kotchety. (From the letters.)--She was very much +irritated, not irritated (_ce n'est pas le mot_, that is not the +right word), but _morbidly_ agitated. I underline that word. She is +unhappy and cannot control herself. I have only just been talking to +her. She came thinking I should go away with her, but I have refused +without fixing the date of my going away, and that greatly distressed +her. What I shall do later I don't know. I shall try to bear my cross +day by day. + +_September 16, 1910_ (from the letters).--I am still as before in a +middling condition physically, and spiritually I try to look upon my +painful or rather difficult relations with Sofya Andreyevna as a +trial which is good for me, and which it depends upon myself to turn +into a blessing, but I rarely succeed in this. One thing I can say: +not in my brain but with my sides, as the peasants say, I have come +to a clear understanding of the difference between resistance which +is returning evil for evil, and the resistance of not giving way in +those of one's actions which one recognises as one's duty to one's +conscience and to God. I will try. + +_September 18, 1910_ (from the letters).--I understand now from +experience that all that we call suffering is for our good. + +_October 6, 1910_ (from the letters).--She is ill and all the rest of +it, but it is impossible not to pity her and not to be indulgent to +her. + +_October 17, 1910_ (from the letters).--Yesterday was a very serious +day. Others will describe the physical details to you, but I want to +give you my own account from the inside. I pity and pity her, and +rejoice that at times I love her without effort. It was so last night +when she came in penitent and began seeing about warming my room, and +in spite of her exhaustion and weakness pushed the shutters and +screened the windows, taking pains and trouble about my ... bodily +comfort. What's to be done if there are people for whom, and I +believe only for a time, the reality of spiritual life is +unattainable. Yesterday evening I was almost on the point of going +away to Kotchety, but now I am glad I did not go. To-day I feel +physically weak, but serene in spirit. + +_October 26, 1910_ (from a diary).--It is very oppressive for me in +this house of lunatics. + +_October 26, 1910_ (from the letters).--The third thing is not so +much a thought as a feeling, and a bad feeling--the desire to change +my position. I feel something unbefitting, rather shameful, in my +position. Sometimes I look upon it as I ought, as a blessing but +sometimes I struggle against it and am revolted.... + +_October 27, 1910_ (from a diary).--It seems _bad_ but is really +good; the oppressiveness of our relations keeps increasing. + +_October 29, 1910_ (from the letters).--I am waiting to see what will +come of the family deliberation--I think, good. In any case, however, +my return to my former life has become still more difficult--almost +impossible, owing to the reproaches which will now be showered upon +me, and the still smaller share of kindness which will be shown me. I +cannot and will not enter into any sort of negotiations--what will be +will be--only to sin as little as possible.... I cannot boast of my +physical and spiritual condition, they are both weak and shattered. I +feel most of all sorry for her. If only that pity were quite free +from an admixture of _rancune_ (resentment), and that I cannot boast +of. + +_October 29, 1910_; Optin Monastery. (From a diary.)--I have been +much depressed all day and physically weak.... As I came here I was +thinking all the time on the road, of the way out of my and her +position, and could not think of any way out of it, but yet there +will be one whether one likes it or not; it will come, and not be +what one foresees. Yes, think only of how to avoid sin, and let come +what will come. That is not my affair. I have taken up ... the +_Circle of Reading_, and, just now, reading Number Twenty-eight was +struck by the direct answer to my position: trial is what I need, it +is beneficial for me. I am going to bed at once. Help me, O Lord. + +_November 3, 1910_; Station Astapovo. (From a diary; the last words +written by Leo Nikolaevitch in his diary.)--_Fais ce que doit +adv...._[30] And it is all for the best both for others and for me. + +The extracts from the diary and letters of Tolstoy that have been +quoted, though far from exhausting all the material, show +sufficiently clearly what Leo Nikolaevitch had to endure in +connection with his family and domestic conditions in the course of +the last thirty years of his life. In it of course all aspects of his +spiritual growth are not touched upon, the whole course of his inner +development during that period is not explained. But what is revealed +to us in these extracts is sufficient to excite the warmest sympathy +for Leo Nikolaevitch in his great and prolonged ordeal, and to +inspire the deepest respect for his touching ability to blame himself +for everything, and always to strive not towards what he desired but +towards his duty. At the same time there is here revealed to us in +its general features the path by which he came to the conviction that +if we suffer spiritually we are ourselves to blame. + +As is the case with everyone for whom the true meaning of life is +revealed, after Leo Nikolaevitch's inner awakening at the beginning +of the 'eighties, his spiritual consciousness could not, of course, +remain at the same point. And indeed from the fragments we have +quoted we see that up to the very last days of his life it was +growing and becoming more perfect, as he became more and more +penetrated with purity and strength. + +Becoming convinced that in spite of all his sufferings he could not +draw his wife to take part in his efforts, Leo Nikolaevitch began to +experience the most agonising distress, which, as we see from his +diary of 1884, sometimes became so acute that he hardly had the +strength to endure it. He even had moments almost of despair and as +it were revolt against his fate, especially when he learned from +experience that his wife was too far away from him spiritually to be +his companion in the reorganisation of their lives. It was at such a +moment that there broke from him that agonising cry of a tortured +heart, that she would for ever remain a millstone round his neck and +his children's. But at the same time he tried to accept these +sufferings with meekness and submission as a trial laid upon him, and +to behave with love and patience to her who evoked them. So about the +same time, on one of those exceptionally rare occasions when in +conversation with me he permitted himself to touch on his relations +with his wife, he spoke approximately as follows: + +"It is impossible to blame Sofya Andreyevna. It is not her fault that +she does not follow me. Why, what she clings to so obstinately now is +the very thing in which I trained her for many years. Apart from +that, in the early days of my awakening I was too irritable and +insisted on trying to convince her that I was right. In those days I +put my new conception of life before her in a form so repellent and +unacceptable to her that I quite put her off. And now I feel that +through my own fault she can never come to the truth by my way. That +door is closed for her. But, on the other hand, I notice with joy +that by ways peculiar to her alone, and quite incomprehensible to me, +she seems at times to be gradually moving in the same direction." + +About the same time Leo Nikolaevitch wrote to me: + +"'He who loves not his brother, he dwelleth in death.' I have +learned, but to my cost. I did not love, I had malice against my +neighbours, and I was dying and dead. I began to be afraid of death; +not afraid exactly, but bewildered before it. But love had but to +rise up and I rose up again. I had forgotten Christ's first precept, +'Be not wrathful.' So simple, so small and so immense! If there is +one man whom one does not love one is lost, one is dead. I have +learned that by experience."--(Letter, December 28, 1885.) + +At that period of his life Leo Nikolaevitch wrote in his diary the +reflection which has already appeared in print concerning the +chloroform of love, which expresses with remarkable vividness his +recognition of the way we ought to help men who have gone astray: "At +first I thought, Can one point out to people their mistakes, their +sins, their faults, without hurting them? We have chloroform and +cocaine for physical pain, but not for the soul. I thought this, and +at once it came into my head, it is untrue--there is such a spiritual +chloroform. They perform the operation of amputating a leg or an arm +with chloroform, but they perform the operation of reforming a man +painfully, stifling the reform with pain, exciting the worse +disease--vindictiveness. But there is a spiritual chloroform, and it +has long been known,--always the same--love. And that is not all: in +physical disease one may do good by an operation without chloroform, +but the soul is such a sensitive creature that an operation performed +upon it without the chloroform of love is never anything but +injurious. Patients always know it and ask for chloroform, and know +that it ought to be used.... The sick man is in pain and he screams, +hides the sore spot and says, 'You won't heal me, you won't heal me, +and I don't want to be healed, I would rather get worse if you cannot +heal me without pain....' And he is right ... you cannot drag a man +straight out when he is tangled in a net--you will hurt him. You must +disentangle the netting gently and firmly first. This delay, this +disentangling, is the chloroform of love.... This I almost understood +before, now I quite understand and begin to feel it...." + +(Tolstoy's diary, January 25, 1889. Cf. _Biography of L. N. Tolstoy_ +by P. I. Biryukov, Vol. III. chap. iii.) + +Striving to work out in himself a patient and loving attitude to the +erring, beginning with those who were nearest to him, Leo +Nikolaevitch from the earliest days of his domestic ordeal applied +all his spiritual forces to avoiding giving way to his spiritual +sufferings and throwing the blame for them either on people or on +external circumstances. And this consciousness was continually +strengthened and confirmed in him, helping him to bestow less and +less pity on himself and more and more pity on those at whose hands +he suffered. At first, as we have seen, such resignation to destiny +was attained only with the greatest spiritual effort; but gradually +he succeeded in conquering himself more and more by means of this +incessant struggle carried on for many years. Such, anyway, is, it +seems to me, the general deduction which may be drawn from his diary +and letters. This deduction is confirmed too by the immediate +impression which many of those to whose lot it fell to be in close +relations with Leo Nikolaevitch in his later years carried away from +personal intercourse with him. Even the expression of his face during +this last period often seemed lighted up with a peculiar spiritual +radiance. Such in its most general features is my conception of the +consistent growth of Leo Nikolaevitch's inner consciousness after his +spiritual awakening in so far as that growth is connected with his +domestic sufferings and going away from home. This conception has +been formed, on the one hand, on the basis of my personal intimacy +and my spiritual unity with Leo Nikolaevitch as well as my long, +intimate acquaintance with his family; and, on the other hand, on an +attentive study of all that Leo Nikolaevitch has at various times +expressed in his letters. + +But the secret of another man's soul is too great and too intricate +for anyone to be able to assert with confidence that he has fully +grasped it even on any one side. And therefore while expressing here +my personal opinion so far as it can have significance for anyone, I +feel great satisfaction in the fact that I have been able to a +considerable extent to incorporate Leo Nikolaevitch's own words in +this book. And thus it will be possible for the reader to draw his +own conclusions; at least from those notes of Leo Nikolaevitch's +which I have here brought into connection with my argument, and to +correct for himself anything in which it may seem to him that I am +mistaken. I should like to conclude with two more thoughts of Leo +Nikolaevitch's which show his comprehension of the spiritual +significance of suffering. + +"For a man living a spiritual life suffering is always an +encouragement to becoming more perfect and more enlightened, and +getting nearer to God. For such people suffering can always be +transformed into the business of life."--(_Circle of Reading._) + +"The cross that is laid upon us is that at which we ought to work. +Our whole life is this work. If the cross is illness, then bear it +well, with submission; if it is injury at the hands of men, know how +to return good for evil; if it is humiliation, be meek; if it is +death, accept it with gratitude."--(_The Way of Life._) + + +FOOTNOTES + +[26] To what precisely Leo Nikolaevitch ascribed his realisation +that in 1870 the "cord had snapped" in the relations between him +and his wife I am not in a position to state with certainty. I can +only say for the information of the reader that I heard from Leo +Nikolaevitch that their relations began to change for the worse +from the time when Sofya Andreyevna, contrary to his principles +and desire, refused to nurse her second daughter Marya Lvovna, +born 1870, and engaged a wet nurse for her who was taken away +from her own baby. + +[27] It may interest the reader to know that on +June 18 Sofya Andreyevna gave birth to her youngest daughter, +Alexandra.--_Translator's note._ + +[28] At that period Leo Nikolaevitch's attitude of disapproval +of property was beginning to take definite shape. In consequence +he did not wish to make use of the revenues from his estate in +Samara, considering it unjust to make the peasants work for him +and his family. Even the income which his family received from +the Yasnaya Polyana estate and from the sale by Sofya Andreyevna of +his works he considered as unjust, though he did not yet see clearly +how he ought to act in the matter, considering his duties to his +family. + +[29] Compare entry for June 7. + +[30] An unfinished French proverb; translated in full it means, +"Do what you ought and let come what may." + + + + +APPENDIX I + + +In view of the fact that Leo Nikolaevitch's diaries and letters have +not yet been published in their entirety, I think it essential to +make a note in connection with the character of the extracts which I +have made from them in this book. These passages have been selected +with the special object of illustrating Leo Nikolaevitch's attitude +to suffering in general and to his own sufferings in particular. +Owing to this, their context is inevitably one-sided and cannot give +a general idea of his prevailing spiritual mood during the last +thirty years of his life. That general mood, in spite of the +conditions which oppressed Leo Nikolaevitch externally, was doubtless +one of joy in life, in accordance with the characteristics of his +nature, and filled with inner satisfaction, as all those who were in +close communication with him for any length of time during that +period can testify. And in this fact, _i.e._ in his preserving those +characteristics in spite of all the trials to which he was subjected +throughout that whole period, I see one of the most remarkable +aspects of his heroic endurance. + +Indeed one has but for one moment to enter in spirit into his +position at that time to be truly amazed at what he succeeded in +attaining in his inner life. Love for freedom in general and for +personal independence was to an exceptional degree characteristic of +his powerful personality. The demands of creative work attracted him +to prolonged absences far from home in the midst of the most varied +natural scenery, and the most different strata of humanity. The +working of his mind after his spiritual awakening required the +closest association with working people. For the satisfaction of his +spiritual needs he required the possibility of receiving unhindered +in his house all and each of those with whom he would have liked to +hold intercourse, without any limitation or restriction, and +consequently to show hospitality, to seat at his table on occasions, +to put up for the night both the peasant of the district who had come +to pay him a visit, and the passing pilgrim weary from the road, and +the visitor who had come from afar seeking spiritual intercourse and +help.... And of all this so needful to Tolstoy as artist and thinker, +and above all as a man leading a spiritual life,--of all this he was +deprived, thanks to the egoism of his family and the class prejudices +ruling in his house, in which a woman's self-will was paramount. +Being completely indifferent to his spiritual needs and callous to +his sufferings, Sofya Andreyevna expected him in his old age, as in +the first period of their life, to be continually at her side in +spite of the spiritual change that had taken place in her husband, +and only rarely agreed to his being absent for short intervals, and +then with the greatest difficulty. Leo Nikolaevitch could not refuse +these demands of hers without destroying the very small share of +domestic peace without which his life in the home would have lost any +sort of meaning. And in spite of all the oppressiveness of these +domestic conditions, which defy description in words and, lasting as +they did over thirty years, for us ordinary people would have been +truly shattering, Leo Nikolaevitch, far from giving way to despair, +did not even complain of his fate. On the contrary, he blamed himself +for his sufferings, ascribing them to his own imperfection, and +making the utmost effort to perform his family duties as +irreproachably as possible. "I am all right, quite all right," he +often said and wrote to his friends. At times he even displayed a +childlike gaiety, and sometimes jested at the very circumstances +which caused him the most suffering. + +This remarkable circumstance I explain solely by the fact that Leo +Nikolaevitch firmly made it his aim to do nothing but the will of +God. This, and only this, he set before him as his fundamental task, +and for the sake of carrying it out he consciously denied himself the +satisfaction of his personal needs and any self-gratification during +the whole of that second long period of his married life. And denying +himself all the so-called joys of life, he incidentally attained true +spiritual joy and peace, true blessedness. + +The subject of Leo Nikolaevitch's inner life is, however, outside the +limits of our present investigation and I have referred to it only +that the reader might not receive a quite mistaken impression that +Leo Nikolaevitch was lacking in that courageous joy in life affecting +all around him, which, on the contrary, he possessed in the highest +degree.[31] + + +FOOTNOTE + +[31] As I am touching upon the general mood of Leo Nikolaevitch's +spiritual life, I foresee that the extracts I have made from his +diaries and letters will in many readers arouse a feeling of regret +that they have hitherto not had the opportunity of reading this +precious material in its entirety. And therefore I think it needful +to state that the principal obstacles to the continuation of the +series of issues of Tolstoy's diaries, begun several years ago, and +to the systematic publication of all his writings, are now happily +overcome, and the first complete edition of all Tolstoy's works is +at the present time being zealously prepared for the press. + + + + +APPENDIX II + + +The personality of Leo Nikolaevitch's wife, Sofya Andreyevna, is +connected in the closest way with the account I have given of his +leaving home. I have consequently been compelled to touch upon her +relations with her husband. While describing the agonising sufferings +to which Leo Nikolaevitch was subjected in his family circle, I have +to my regret been forced to state a great deal which appears as an +attack upon the character and behaviour of his wife. And therefore, +to prevent any misunderstandings on the part of readers with regard +to my personal relations with her, I wish to speak out openly upon +the subject. + +It would perhaps have been natural for me, as a friend of Leo +Nikolaevitch's, to feel bitterness and hostility towards the person +who had been for him such a heavy cross during the last thirty years +of his life. And it would be natural for the reader to suppose that +under the influence of such feelings I could not be free from +prejudice in regard to Sofya Andreyevna, and could not help, even +against my will, laying the colour on thick in describing her +deficiencies. There will no doubt be ill-wishers who will say that, +moved by resentment, I find a satisfaction in laying bare in an +exaggerated form the mistakes and failings of a person who caused me +much suffering. But in spite of the naturalness of such suppositions, +they would in the present case be mistaken. In reality my attitude to +Leo Nikolaevitch's wife is quite different. + +First of all, as in Leo Nikolaevitch's lifetime I never forgot, so +after the death of both of them I never can forget, that Sofya +Andreyevna was his wife, _i.e._ occupied quite an exceptional +position in regard to him, and for the first half of their life +together was the person nearest to him in the world. This +circumstance alone has inspired, and still inspires, a peculiar +strictness toward myself in my behaviour to her and circumspection in +my judgments of her. Moreover, having been a close witness of the +wonderfully loving solicitude with which Leo Nikolaevitch behaved to +his wife, never losing hope of the possibility of her spiritual +awakening, I could not on my side help being infected by this +attitude, at least so far as not to feel ill-will or prejudice +against her. + +Apart from that, I do not on principle acknowledge a man's right to +judge another. The character and behaviour of this or the other +person depends on so many external and internal circumstances for +which the person is not in the least responsible; and the most secret +region in our inner consciousness, in which we really are answerable +to our own conscience, is so entirely beyond the reach of any outside +eye that we have neither the power nor the right to judge any but +ourselves. In relation to anyone else we can judge only their +actions, laying completely aside, as not within our competence, the +question of the degree of their responsibility for committing them. +With this point of view every censure, irritation, or vexation with +anyone, to say nothing of wrath or revenge, appears merely as the +sign of our own imperfection, against which, when looked upon as +such, it is easier to struggle than when such feelings are regarded +as legitimate. + +In view of these two circumstances, though I have, willy-nilly, in +the present work to exhibit Sofya Andreyevna in an unfavourable +light, I have not done so from personal ill-will to her, nor in a +spirit of censure, but simply through the necessity of giving a +faithful picture of what Leo Nikolaevitch had to endure. + +I know that many will fail to understand my true motives and will +severely censure me. I resign myself to this in advance. But I +confess it grieves me, grieves me deeply, that by this present book I +shall be bound to cause pain to those members of Leo Nikolaevitch's +family who are still alive and who are nearest to him--his children. +An old friend of their father's, I have always been conscious of +being a friend of the family as well, and I naturally attach +particular value to good relations with them. If they feel bitter +against me, I beg them to believe that, whether mistakenly or not, I +have, in any case, sincerely felt myself morally bound to act in the +way I have acted, for reasons set forth in the Introduction. I beg +them also to consider that the present publication of the truth I +knew about their father's family life was, so to speak, forcibly +wrung from me by all the untruths on the subject which for many years +were persistently circulated all over the world, both in speaking and +writing, by their own mother and their two brothers, Ilya Lvovitch +and Leo Lvovitch. These two made it a kind of profession to give +public lectures on the subject. Quite recently I came across, in one +of the most popular foreign newspapers, the Paris _Figaro_, a series +of articles by Leo Lvovitch Tolstoy in which he strives to cover the +memory of his father with shame and ignominy, in contradistinction to +that of his mother, whose image he idealises till it becomes utterly +distorted. He is so careless with the facts that, under the influence +of his notorious envy and enmity for his father, he tells absolute +untruths about him and definitely slanders him, though perhaps +without meaning to do so. Such pernicious attacks upon Leo +Nikolaevitch made in the world's Press by some of his nearest +relatives give me reason to hope that his other relatives will not be +surprised when they find, as their father's champion upon the same +arena, one of his most intimate friends, who is able to speak more +freely concerning the relations between their parents than those who +are naturally constrained by the bonds of blood relationship. + +It goes without saying that Sofya Andreyevna, like everyone else, had +her virtues and her defects, but at the same time it will be readily +understood that if Leo Nikolaevitch was reduced to the necessity of +leaving her, it was not her good qualities which drove him to it. +And therefore, in describing the causes of his departure, I have +inevitably been forced to dwell upon the negative sides of her +character. + +In this brief narrative exclusively devoted to one definite event in +the life of Leo Nikolaevitch and the internal and external +circumstances connected with that event, I have not made it my aim to +draw a general and complete picture of the characters of Leo +Nikolaevitch and Sofya Andreyevna. The limited range of my special +task laid upon me the necessity of keeping strictly within the limits +of those of their characteristics and peculiarities which in one way +or another threw a direct light upon the incident described. There +could be no question of an all-round and to any extent exhaustive +account of the characters of those persons, apart from the fact that +such a task is far beyond my capacity. The most important and perhaps +the most difficult aspect of the task which actually lay before me +consisted in exhibiting in their full force the circumstances which +in the end compelled Leo Nikolaevitch to take his final step, with +perfect truthfulness, exaggerating nothing, of course, but at the +same time concealing nothing from false delicacy. This I have tried +to do as conscientiously, carefully and truthfully as I can. Though I +might from the natural perhaps, but in the present case misplaced, +sensibility have smoothed over the extremes of Sofya Andreyevna's +behaviour, and have softened the real character of her attitude to +Leo Nikolaevitch, yet in doing that I should have deprived the +motives of his departure of reasonable basis and inevitability, and +should have set forth Leo Nikolaevitch's impulses in a more or less +distorted form--and that, of course, was inadmissible. + +Even in the lifetime of Sofya Andreyevna Tolstoy I did at one time +entertain the idea of publishing the truth about Leo Nikolaevitch's +leaving home in her interests. I cherished the hope that from such a +truthful account she might derive some conception of how much Leo +Nikolaevitch suffered at her hands, how he struggled with himself, +how self-sacrificingly he returned her good for evil, how +persistently, in spite of everything, he believed in the divine spark +in her soul, and how he rejoiced and was touched at the slightest +gleam of that spark. And who knows, I said to myself, perhaps such a +presentation before her eyes of what really happened, in +contradistinction to the fantastic inventions with which she +screened the truth from herself--perhaps this truthful picture of +what Leo Nikolaevitch really did endure, might help her in time to +recognise the truth, to come to herself, and to become one in soul +with him who loved her so that he laid down his soul for her? + +But at the time I did not decide to do this, and now I do not regret +it. Apart from any external influences, there is no doubt that after +Leo Nikolaevitch's death there appeared at times a certain inner +softening in Sofya Andreyevna, though only of brief duration. So it +was, for instance, immediately after his death, when, in the presence +of several persons, she repeated in spiritual agonies that she had +been the cause of his death. And though a prolonged period followed +after it during which she displayed, at least in words, her former +indifference or even hostility to Leo Nikolaevitch, yet before her +own death, as those near her relate, she again expressed regret for +the wrong she had done him. And if outwardly she repented but little, +yet who can say what were her thoughts and reflections in her soul, +and especially what passed in her consciousness during those dying +hours and minutes when man, cut off from communication with those +around him, in complete solitude before his Maker, knows that he is +departing this life? + +And though as she left this world Sofya Andreyevna carried with her +the answer to this question, nevertheless we have no grounds for +denying the possibility that the cherished hope which Leo +Nikolaevitch never lost, that sooner or later she would be one with +him in spirit, was realised at last before her death. Let us, too, +look with a spirit of love and compassion upon the errors, the +defects and the spiritual limitations of the companion of Leo +Nikolaevitch's life. But at the same time let us boldly look the +truth in the face, in no way softening the magnitude of the +sufferings endured by Leo Nikolaevitch by concealing the true +attitude of his wife to him, or by depicting her behaviour in a +softened light. If we keep in mind the great divine love with which +he loved her soul, then in face of the naked truth we shall not +condemn, but shall sincerely compassionate, her whose destiny it was +to serve as the instrument of his severest trials. And we shall +understand that those trials which in the end exhausted Leo +Nikolaevitch's physical forces and brought about his death were +obviously needful to the manifestations in him of the fullness of +spiritual strength received from him by God. + + + + + Printed in Great Britain by + Richard Clay & Sons, Limited, + Bungay, Suffolk. + + + + + * * * * + + + + +Transcriber's note: + +Minor corrections were made to the original publication. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40260 *** |