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<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40134 ***</div>
<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Moral Alphabet, by Hilaire Belloc,
Illustrated by Basil Blackwood</h1>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10">
<tr>
<td valign="top">
Note:
</td>
<td>
Images of the original pages are available through
Internet Archive. See
<a href="http://archive.org/details/cu31924013585561">
http://archive.org/details/cu31924013585561</a>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
<p> </p>
<hr class="full" />
<p> </p>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 449px;">
<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="449" height="600" alt="" />
</div>
<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p>
<h1>A MORAL ALPHABET.</h1>
<hr class="chap" />
<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p>
<div class='bbox'><div class='center'>
BY THE SAME AUTHORS.<br />
—————<br />
MORE BEASTS (<span class="smcap">for worse children</span>).<br />
Demy 4to. 3s. 6d.<br />
—————<br />THE MODERN TRAVELLER.<br />
Fcap. 4to. 3s. 6d.<br />
—————<br /><span class="smcap">Edward Arnold, London.</span><br />
</div></div>
<hr class="chap" /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p>
<h1>A<br />
MORAL ALPHABET</h1>
<div class='center'>
<span class='small'>BY</span><br />
H. B.<br />
<br />
<span class='small'><span class="smcap">With Illustrations by</span></span><br />
B. B.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='small'>Authors of "The Bad Child's Book of Beasts"</span><br />
<span class='small'>"More Beasts for Worse Children"</span><br />
<span class='small'>"The Modern Traveller" etc.</span><br />
<br />
<br /><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">London</span><br />
EDWARD ARNOLD<br />
<span class='small'>37 BEDFORD STREET</span><br />
<span class='small'>1899</span><br />
</div>
<hr class="chap" /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p>
<div class='center'>
<i>DEDICATION.</i><br />
——<br />
TO THE GENTLEMAN<br />
ON <a href="#Page_49">PAGE 49</a>.<br /></div>
<hr class="chap" /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p>
<div class='poem'><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>A</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 4em;">stands for</span><br />
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 388px;">
<img src="images/i_008.png" width="388" height="441" alt="Archibald holding top hat" />
</div><div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 8em;">Archibald who told no lies,</span><br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>And got this lovely volume for a prize.<br />
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_009.png" width="600" height="319" alt="row of men and boys" />
</div><div class='poem'>
The Upper School had combed and oiled their hair,<br />
And all the Parents of the Boys were there.<br />
In words that ring like thunder through the Hall,<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>Draw tears from some and loud applause from all,—<br />
The Pedagogue, with Pardonable Joy,<br />
Bestows the Gift upon the Radiant Boy:—<br />
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_010.png" width="600" height="493" alt="Teacher handing book to boy" />
</div><div class='poem'>
"Accept the Noblest Work produced as yet"<br />
(Says he) "upon the English Alphabet;<br />
"Next term I shall examine you, to find<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>"If you have read it thoroughly. So mind!"<br />
And while the Boys and Parents cheered so loud,<br />
That out of doors
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_011.png" width="600" height="407" alt="crowd" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span style="margin-left: 8.5em;">a large and anxious crowd</span><br />
Had gathered and was blocking up the street,<br />
The admirable child resumed his seat.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Learn from this justly irritating Youth,<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>To brush your Hair and Teeth and tell the Truth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>B</span> stands for Bear.
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_012.png" width="600" height="768" alt="bear coming down mountain" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">When Bears are seen</span><br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>Approaching in the distance,<br />
Make up your mind at once between<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Retreat and Armed Resistance.</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 479px;">
<img src="images/i_013.png" width="479" height="600" alt="Bear confronting man" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
A Gentleman remained to fight—<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">With what result for him?</span><br />
The Bear, with ill-concealed delight,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Devoured him, Limb by Limb.</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_014.png" width="600" height="231" alt="Man running from bear" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
Another Person turned and ran;<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He ran extremely hard:</span><br />
The Bear was faster than the Man,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And beat him by a yard.</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Decisive action in the hour of need<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>Denotes the Hero, but does not succeed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>C</span> stands for Cobra; when the Cobra
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 564px;">
<img src="images/i_015.png" width="564" height="538" alt="cobra behind man who is wearing pajamas" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 17em;">bites</span><br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">An Indian Judge, the Judge spends restless nights.</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
This creature, though disgusting and appalling,<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>Conveys no kind of Moral worth recalling.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>D</span><br />
<br />
The Dreadful
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_017.png" width="600" height="316" alt="Large dinosaur like creature with an elephant nose" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 8em;">Dinotherium he</span><br />
Will have to do his best for D.<br />
The early world observed with awe<br />
His back, indented like a saw.<br />
His look was gay, his voice was strong;<br />
His tail was neither short nor long;<br />
His trunk, or elongated nose,<br />
Was not so large as some suppose;<br />
His teeth, as all the world allows,<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>Were graminivorous, like a cow's.<br />
He therefore should have wished to pass<br />
Long peaceful nights upon the Grass,<br />
But being mad the brute preferred<br />
To roost in branches, like a bird.<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a><br />
A creature heavier than a whale,<br />
You see at once, could hardly fail<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>To suffer badly when he slid<br />
And tumbled
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_019.png" width="600" height="484" alt="Dino in the sky" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 8em;">(as he always did).</span><br />
His fossil, therefore, comes to light<br />
All broken up: and serve him right.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
If you were born to walk the ground,<br />
Remain there; do not fool around.<br /><br />
</div>
<div class='fbox'>
<div class='poem'><div class="footnote"><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a>
<br />
We have good reason to suppose<br />
He did so, from his claw-like toes.</div><br />
</div></div><div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>E</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">stands for</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_020.png" width="600" height="241" alt="" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 17em;">Egg.</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The Moral of this verse</span><br />
Is applicable to the Young. Be terse.<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>F</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 5em;">for a</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_021.png" width="600" height="471" alt="family group" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Family taking a walk</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In Arcadia Terrace, no doubt:</span><br />
The parents indulge in intelligent talk,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">While the children they gambol about.</span><br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>
At a quarter-past six they return to their tea,<br />
Of a kind that would hardly be tempting to me,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Though my appetite passes belief.</span><br />
There is Jam, Ginger Beer, Buttered Toast, Marmalade,<br />
With a Cold Leg of Mutton and Warm Lemonade,<br />
And a large Pigeon Pie very skilfully made<br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">To consist almost wholly of Beef.</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
A Respectable Family taking the air<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is a subject on which I could dwell;</span><br />
It contains all the morals that ever there were,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And it sets an example as well.</span><br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>G</span><br />
<br />
stands for Gnu, whose weapons of Defence<br />
Are long, sharp, curling Horns, and Common-sense.<br />
To these he adds a Name so short and strong,
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 579px;">
<img src="images/i_023.png" width="579" height="354" alt="Looking at a gnu with an utlander in the distance" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
That even Hardy Boers pronounce it wrong.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>
How often on a bright Autumnal day<br />
The Pious people of Pretoria say,<br />
"Come, let us hunt the——" Then no more is heard<br />
But Sounds of Strong Men struggling with a word.<br />
Meanwhile, the distant Gnu with grateful eyes<br />
Observes his opportunity, and flies.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Child, if you have a rummy kind of name,<br />
Remember to be thankful for the same.<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>H</span> was a
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_025.png" width="600" height="583" alt="man on spotted horse" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Horseman who rode to the meet,</span><br />
And talked of the Pads of the fox as his "feet"—<br />
An error which furnished subscribers with grounds<br />
For refusing to make him a Master of Hounds.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>
He gave way thereupon to so fearful a rage,<br />
That he sold up his Stable and went on the Stage,<br />
And had all the success that a man could desire<br />
In creating the Part of
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_026.png" width="600" height="499" alt="man performing on stage" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 11.5em;">"The Old English Squire."</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
In the Learned Professions, a person should know<br />
The advantage of having two strings to his bow.<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>I</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">the Poor Indian, justly called "The Poor,"</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 495px;">
<img src="images/i_027.png" width="495" height="585" alt="man from India sitting on the floor" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
He has to eat his Dinner off the floor.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
The Moral these delightful lines afford<br />
Is: "Living cheaply is its own reward."<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br /><br />
<span class='capital'>J</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">stands for James, who thought it immaterial</span><br />
To pay his taxes, Local or Imperial.<br />
In vain the Mother wept, the Wife implored,<br />
James only yawned as though a trifle bored.
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 484px;">
<img src="images/i_028.png" width="484" height="553" alt="one man talking to another" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
The Tax Collector called again, but he<br />
Was met with Persiflage and Repartee.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span>
When James was hauled before the learned Judge,<br />
Who lectured him, he loudly whispered, "Fudge!"<br />
The Judge was startled from his usual calm,<br />
He
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 581px;">
<img src="images/i_029.png" width="581" height="600" alt="James before a judge" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">struck the desk before him with his palm,</span><br />
And roared in tones to make the boldest quail,<br />
"<i>J stands for James</i>, <span class="smcap">it also stands for jail</span>."<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>And therefore, on a dark and dreadful day,<br />
Policemen came and took him all away.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
The fate of James is typical, and shows<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">How little mercy people can expect</span><br />
Who will not pay their taxes; (saving those<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To which they conscientiously object.)</span><br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>K</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">for the Klondyke, a Country of Gold,</span><br />
Where the winters are often excessively cold;<br />
Where the lawn every morning is covered with rime,<br />
And skating continues for years at a time.<br />
Do you think that a Climate can conquer the grit<br />
Of the Sons of the West? Not a bit! Not a bit!<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>
When the weather looks nippy, the bold Pioneers<br />
Put on two pairs of Stockings and cover their ears,<br />
And roam through the drear Hyperborean dales<br />
With a vast apparatus of Buckets and Pails;
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_032.png" width="600" height="317" alt="man with pickaxe with snow" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
Or wander through wild Hyperborean glades<br />
With Hoes, Hammers, Pickaxes, Matlocks and Spades.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>
There are some who give rise to exuberant mirth<br />
By turning up nothing but bushels of earth,<br />
While those who have little cause excellent fun<br />
By attempting to pilfer from those who have none.<br />
At times the reward they will get for their pains<br />
Is to strike very tempting auriferous veins;<br />
Or, a shaft being sunk for some miles in the ground,<br />
Not infrequently nuggets of value are found.<br />
They bring us the gold when their labours are ended,<br />
And we—after thanking them prettily—spend it.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Just you work for Humanity, never you mind<br />
If Humanity seems to have left you behind.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>L</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">was a Lady, Advancing in Age,</span><br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Who drove in her carriage and six,</span><br />
With a Couple of Footmen a Coachman and Page,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Who were all of them regular bricks.</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_034.png" width="600" height="387" alt="woman in coach surrounded by coachmen" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
If the Coach ran away, or was smashed by a Dray,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Or got into collisions and blocks,</span><br />
The Page, with a courtesy rare for his years,<br />
Would leap to the ground with inspiriting cheers,<br />
While the Footman allayed her legitimate fears,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And the Coachman sat tight on his box.</span><br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
At night as they met round an excellent meal,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">They would take it in turn to observe:</span><br />
"What a Lady indeed! . . . what a presence to Feel! . . ."<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"What a Woman to worship and serve! . . ."</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 552px;">
<img src="images/i_035.png" width="552" height="555" alt="woman with staff" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
But, perhaps, the most poignant of all their delights<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Was to stand in a rapturous Dream</span><br />
When she spoke to them kindly on Saturday Nights,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And said "They deserved her Esteem."</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Now observe the Reward of these dutiful lives:<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At the end of their Loyal Career</span><br />
They each had a Lodge at the end of the drives,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And she left them a Hundred a Year.</span><br />
Remember from this to be properly vexed<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When the newspaper editors say,</span><br />
That "The type of society shown in the Text<br />
<span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Is rapidly passing away."</span><br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>M</span><br />
was a Millionaire who sat at Table,<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And ate like this—</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_037.png" width="600" height="408" alt="man eating" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 12em;">as long as he was able;</span><br />
At half-past twelve the waiters turned him out:<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He lived impoverished and died of gout.</span>
</div>
<div class='center'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Disgusting exhibition! Have a care<br />
When, later on, you are a Millionaire,<br />
To rise from table feeling you could still<br />
Take something more, and not be really ill.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>N</span><br />
<br />
stands for Ned, Maria's younger brother,
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 482px;">
<img src="images/i_040.png" width="482" height="557" alt="Ned" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
Who, walking one way, chose to gaze the other.<br />
In Blandford Square—a crowded part of town—<br />
Two People on a tandem knocked him down;<br />
Whereat
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_041.png" width="600" height="446" alt="car on top of Ned" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;">a Motor Car, with warning shout,</span><br />
Ran right on top and turned him inside out:<br />
The damages that he obtained from these<br />
Maintained him all his life in cultured ease.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
The law protects you. Go your gentle way:<br />
The Other Man has always got to Pay.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>O</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">stands for Oxford. Hail! salubrious seat</span><br />
Of learning! Academical Retreat!<br />
Home of my Middle Age! Malarial Spot<br />
Which People call Medeeval (though it's not).<br />
The marshes in the neighbourhood can vie<br />
With Cambridge, but the town itself is dry,<br />
And serves to make a kind of Fold or Pen
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_043.png" width="600" height="430" alt="learned men in pen" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
Wherein to herd a lot of Learned Men.<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>Were I to write but half of what they know,<br />
It would exhaust the space reserved for "O";<br />
And, as my book must not be over big,<br />
I turn at once to "P," which stands for Pig.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Be taught by this to speak with moderation<br />
Of places where, with decent application,<br />
One gets a good, sound, middle-class education.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>P</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 3em;">stands for Pig, as I remarked before,</span><br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>
A second cousin to the Huge Wild Boar.<br />
But Pigs are civilized, while Huge Wild Boars
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_046.png" width="600" height="376" alt="wild pig and tame pig" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
Live savagely, at random, out of doors,<br />
And, in their coarse contempt for dainty foods,<br />
Subsist on Truffles, which they find in woods.<br />
Not so the cultivated Pig, who feels<br />
The need of several courses at his meals,<br />
But wrongly thinks it does not matter whether<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>
He takes them one by one
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_047.png" width="600" height="449" alt="man and pig in suit; pig is eating from a trough" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 13em;">or all together.</span><br />
Hence, Pigs devour, from lack of self-respect,<br />
What Epicures would certainly reject.
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px;">
<img src="images/i_048.png" width="550" height="416" alt="Child at table" />
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br /><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Learn from the Pig to take whatever Fate<br />
Or Elder Persons heap upon your plate.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>
<br />
<span class="capital">Q</span><br />
<br />
for Quinine, which children take
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 515px;">
<img src="images/i_050.png" width="515" height="553" alt="woman and maid bringing jam and cake" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
With Jam and little bits of cake.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
How idiotic! Can Quinine<br />
Replace Cold Baths and Sound Hygiene?<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>R</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2em;">the Reviewer,</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 318px;">
<img src="images/i_052.png" width="318" height="551" alt="Man reading alphabet book" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>
<span style="margin-left: 11em;">reviewing my book,</span><br />
At which he had barely intended to look;<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span>
But the very first lines upon "A" were enough<br />
To convince him the <i>Verses</i> were excellent stuff.<br />
So he wrote, without stopping, for several days<br />
In terms of extreme, but well-merited Praise.<br />
To quote but one Passage: "No Person" (says he),<br />
"Will be really content without purchasing three,<br />
"While a Parent will send for a dozen or more,<br />
"And strew them about on the Nursery Floor.<br />
"The Versification might call for some strictures<br />
"Were it not for its singular wit; while the Pictures,<br />
"Tho' the handling of line is a little defective,<br />
"Make up amply in <i>verve</i> what they lack in perspective."
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
The habit of constantly telling the Truth<br />
Will lend an additional lustre to Youth.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>S</span><br />
<br />
stands for Snail, who, though he be the least,<br />
Is not an uninstructive Hornèd Beast.<br />
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_054.png" width="600" height="422" alt="Child and snail" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span>
His eyes are on his Horns, and when you shout<br />
Or tickle them, the Horns go in and out.<br />
Had Providence seen proper to endow<br />
The furious Unicorn or sober Cow<br />
With such a gift the one would never now<br />
Appear so commonplace on Coats of Arms.<br />
And what a fortune for our failing farms<br />
If circus managers, with wealth untold,<br />
Would take the Cows for half their weight in gold!
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Learn from the Snail to take reproof with patience,<br />
And not put out your Horns on all occasions.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>T</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 285px;">
<img src="images/i_056.png" width="285" height="540" alt="man in safari hat carrying umbrella and guidebook" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
for the Genial Tourist, who resides<br />
In Peckham, where he writes Italian Guides.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Learn from this information not to cavil<br />
At slight mistakes in books on foreign travel.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>U</span><br />
<br />
<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">for the Upas Tree,</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 554px;">
<img src="images/i_058.png" width="554" height="600" alt="three unhappy men under upas tree" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>
<span style="margin-left: 11em;">that casts a blight</span><br />
On those that pull their sisters' hair, and fight.
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 601px;">
<img src="images/i_059.png" width="601" height="600" alt="three happy men under upas tree" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span>
But oh! the Good! They wander undismayed,<br />
And (as the Subtle Artist has portrayed)<br />
Dispend the golden hours at play beneath its shade.<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Dear Reader, if you chance to catch a sight<br />
Of Upas Trees, betake yourself to flight.<br /><br /><br />
</div>
<div class='fbox'>
<div class='poem'><div class="footnote"><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a><br />
A friend of mine, a Botanist, believes<br />
That Good can even browse upon its leaves.<br />
I doubt it. . . .</div></div></div><div class='poem'>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span><span class='capital'>V</span> for
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 287px;">
<img src="images/i_060.png" width="287" height="600" alt="soldier at guard station" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
<span style="margin-left: 4em;">the unobtrusive Volunteer,</span><br />
Who fills the Armies of the World with fear.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Seek with the Volunteer to put aside<br />
The empty Pomp of Military Pride.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>W</span><br />
<br />
My little victim, let me trouble you<br />
To fix your active mind on W.
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_062.png" width="600" height="337" alt="bug walking on water" />
</div>
<div class='poem'><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>
The <span class="smcap">waterbeetle</span> here shall teach<br />
A sermon far beyond your reach:<br />
He flabbergasts the Human Race<br />
By gliding on the water's face<br />
With ease, celerity, and grace;<br />
<i>But if he ever stopped to think<br />
Of how he did it, he would sink.</i>
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Don't ask Questions!<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>X</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 389px;">
<img src="images/i_063.png" width="389" height="555" alt="man standing" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
No reasonable little Child expects<br />
A Grown-up Man to make a rhyme on X.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
These verses teach a clever child to find<br />
Excuse for doing all that he's inclined.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>Y</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 447px;">
<img src="images/i_064.png" width="447" height="535" alt="man in top hat and monocle" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
stands for Youth (it would have stood for Yak,<br />
But that I wrote about him two years back).<br />
Youth is the pleasant springtime of our days,<br />
As Dante so mellifluously says<br />
(Who always speaks of Youth with proper praise).<br />
You have not got to Youth, but when you do<br />
You'll find what He and I have said is true.
</div>
<div class='center'><br /><br />
<span class="smcap">Moral.</span></div>
<div class='poem'>
Youth's excellence should teach the Modern Wit<br />
First to be Young, and then to boast of it.<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='capital'>Z</span>
</div>
<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
<img src="images/i_065.png" width="600" height="509" alt="two men in turbans and what looks like a brahma cow with a flowered wreath around its neck" />
</div>
<div class='poem'>
for this Zébu, who (like all Zebús)<a name="FNanchor_C_3" id="FNanchor_C_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_C_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a><br />
Is held divine by scrupulous Hindoos.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span><span class="smcap">Moral.</span><br />
Idolatry, as you are well aware,<br />
Is highly reprehensible. But there,<br />
We needn't bother,—when we get to Z<br />
Our interest in the Alphabet is dead.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class='fbox'><div class='poem'>
<div class="footnote"><a name="Footnote_C_3" id="Footnote_C_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_C_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a><br />
Von Kettner writes it "<i>Zé</i>bu"; Wurst "Ze<i>bu</i>":<br />
I split the difference and use the two.</div>
</div></div>
<hr class="chap" /><p>
<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span></p>
<div class='center'><span class='adtitle1'>ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS BOOKS</span><br />
<br />
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<br />
————<br />
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EDWARD ARNOLD, 37, <span class="smcap">Bedford Street, London</span>.<br />
</div>
<hr class="chap" />
<p> </p>
<div class='tnote'>
<div class='center'><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></div>
<p>The cover for this HTML edition of A Moral Alphabet was created
by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.</p>
<p>Page 41, "o" changed to "to" (I to write)</p></div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40134 ***</div>
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