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diff --git a/40134.txt b/40134.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b5b6479..0000000 --- a/40134.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1193 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Moral Alphabet, by Hilaire Belloc, -Illustrated by Basil Blackwood - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - - - - -Title: A Moral Alphabet - - -Author: Hilaire Belloc - - - -Release Date: July 3, 2012 [eBook #40134] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MORAL ALPHABET*** - - -E-text prepared by Emmy, Charlene Taylor, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (http://archive.org) - - - -Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this - file which includes the original illustrations. - See 40134-h.htm or 40134-h.zip: - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/40134/40134-h/40134-h.htm) - or - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/40134/40134-h.zip) - - - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - http://archive.org/details/cu31924013585561 - - - - - -A MORAL ALPHABET. - - * * * * * - - BY THE SAME AUTHORS. - - - MORE BEASTS (FOR WORSE CHILDREN). - Demy 4to. 3s. 6d. - - - THE MODERN TRAVELLER. - Fcap. 4to. 3s. 6d. - - - EDWARD ARNOLD, LONDON. - - * * * * * - - -A MORAL ALPHABET - -by - -H. B. - -With Illustrations by - -B. B. - -Authors of "The Bad Child's Book of Beasts" -"More Beasts for Worse Children" -"The Modern Traveller" etc. - - - - - - - -London -Edward Arnold -37 Bedford Street -1899 - - - - _DEDICATION._ - - TO THE GENTLEMAN - ON PAGE 49. - - - -A - - stands for - - [Illustration] - - Archibald who told no lies, - And got this lovely volume for a prize. - - [Illustration] - - The Upper School had combed and oiled their hair, - And all the Parents of the Boys were there. - In words that ring like thunder through the Hall, - Draw tears from some and loud applause from all,-- - The Pedagogue, with Pardonable Joy, - Bestows the Gift upon the Radiant Boy:-- - - [Illustration] - - "Accept the Noblest Work produced as yet" - (Says he) "upon the English Alphabet; - "Next term I shall examine you, to find - "If you have read it thoroughly. So mind!" - And while the Boys and Parents cheered so loud, - That out of doors - - [Illustration] - - a large and anxious crowd - Had gathered and was blocking up the street, - The admirable child resumed his seat. - - - MORAL. - - Learn from this justly irritating Youth, - To brush your Hair and Teeth and tell the Truth. - - - -B stands for Bear. - - [Illustration] - - When Bears are seen - Approaching in the distance, - Make up your mind at once between - Retreat and Armed Resistance. - - [Illustration] - - A Gentleman remained to fight-- - With what result for him? - The Bear, with ill-concealed delight, - Devoured him, Limb by Limb. - - [Illustration] - - Another Person turned and ran; - He ran extremely hard: - The Bear was faster than the Man, - And beat him by a yard. - - - MORAL. - - Decisive action in the hour of need - Denotes the Hero, but does not succeed. - - - -C stands for Cobra; when the Cobra - - [Illustration] - - bites - An Indian Judge, the Judge spends restless nights. - - - MORAL. - - This creature, though disgusting and appalling, - Conveys no kind of Moral worth recalling. - - - -D - - The Dreadful - - [Illustration] - - Dinotherium he - Will have to do his best for D. - The early world observed with awe - His back, indented like a saw. - His look was gay, his voice was strong; - His tail was neither short nor long; - His trunk, or elongated nose, - Was not so large as some suppose; - His teeth, as all the world allows, - Were graminivorous, like a cow's. - He therefore should have wished to pass - Long peaceful nights upon the Grass, - But being mad the brute preferred - To roost in branches, like a bird.[A] - A creature heavier than a whale, - You see at once, could hardly fail - To suffer badly when he slid - And tumbled - - [Illustration] - - (as he always did). - His fossil, therefore, comes to light - All broken up: and serve him right. - - - MORAL. - - If you were born to walk the ground, - Remain there; do not fool around. - - - [A] - We have good reason to suppose - He did so, from his claw-like toes. - - - -E - - stands for - - [Illustration] - - Egg. - - - MORAL. - - The Moral of this verse - Is applicable to the Young. Be terse. - - - -F - - for a - - [Illustration] - - Family taking a walk - In Arcadia Terrace, no doubt: - The parents indulge in intelligent talk, - While the children they gambol about. - At a quarter-past six they return to their tea, - Of a kind that would hardly be tempting to me, - Though my appetite passes belief. - There is Jam, Ginger Beer, Buttered Toast, Marmalade, - With a Cold Leg of Mutton and Warm Lemonade, - And a large Pigeon Pie very skilfully made - To consist almost wholly of Beef. - - - MORAL. - - A Respectable Family taking the air - Is a subject on which I could dwell; - It contains all the morals that ever there were, - And it sets an example as well. - - - -G - - stands for Gnu, whose weapons of Defence - Are long, sharp, curling Horns, and Common-sense. - To these he adds a Name so short and strong, - - [Illustration] - - That even Hardy Boers pronounce it wrong. - How often on a bright Autumnal day - The Pious people of Pretoria say, - "Come, let us hunt the----" Then no more is heard - But Sounds of Strong Men struggling with a word. - Meanwhile, the distant Gnu with grateful eyes - Observes his opportunity, and flies. - - - MORAL. - - Child, if you have a rummy kind of name, - Remember to be thankful for the same. - - - -H was a - - [Illustration] - - Horseman who rode to the meet, - And talked of the Pads of the fox as his "feet"-- - An error which furnished subscribers with grounds - For refusing to make him a Master of Hounds. - He gave way thereupon to so fearful a rage, - That he sold up his Stable and went on the Stage, - And had all the success that a man could desire - In creating the Part of - - [Illustration] - - "The Old English Squire." - - - MORAL. - - In the Learned Professions, a person should know - The advantage of having two strings to his bow. - - - -I - the Poor Indian, justly called "The Poor," - - [Illustration] - - He has to eat his Dinner off the floor. - - - MORAL. - - The Moral these delightful lines afford - Is: "Living cheaply is its own reward." - - - -J - - stands for James, who thought it immaterial - To pay his taxes, Local or Imperial. - In vain the Mother wept, the Wife implored, - James only yawned as though a trifle bored. - - [Illustration] - - The Tax Collector called again, but he - Was met with Persiflage and Repartee. - When James was hauled before the learned Judge, - Who lectured him, he loudly whispered, "Fudge!" - The Judge was startled from his usual calm, - He - - [Illustration] - - struck the desk before him with his palm, - And roared in tones to make the boldest quail, - "_J stands for James_, IT ALSO STANDS FOR JAIL." - And therefore, on a dark and dreadful day, - Policemen came and took him all away. - - - MORAL. - - The fate of James is typical, and shows - How little mercy people can expect - Who will not pay their taxes; (saving those - To which they conscientiously object.) - - - -K - - for the Klondyke, a Country of Gold, - Where the winters are often excessively cold; - Where the lawn every morning is covered with rime, - And skating continues for years at a time. - Do you think that a Climate can conquer the grit - Of the Sons of the West? Not a bit! Not a bit! - When the weather looks nippy, the bold Pioneers - Put on two pairs of Stockings and cover their ears, - And roam through the drear Hyperborean dales - With a vast apparatus of Buckets and Pails; - - [Illustration] - - Or wander through wild Hyperborean glades - With Hoes, Hammers, Pickaxes, Matlocks and Spades. - There are some who give rise to exuberant mirth - By turning up nothing but bushels of earth, - While those who have little cause excellent fun - By attempting to pilfer from those who have none. - At times the reward they will get for their pains - Is to strike very tempting auriferous veins; - Or, a shaft being sunk for some miles in the ground, - Not infrequently nuggets of value are found. - They bring us the gold when their labours are ended, - And we--after thanking them prettily--spend it. - - - MORAL. - - Just you work for Humanity, never you mind - If Humanity seems to have left you behind. - - - -L - - was a Lady, Advancing in Age, - Who drove in her carriage and six, - With a Couple of Footmen a Coachman and Page, - Who were all of them regular bricks. - - [Illustration] - - If the Coach ran away, or was smashed by a Dray, - Or got into collisions and blocks, - The Page, with a courtesy rare for his years, - Would leap to the ground with inspiriting cheers, - While the Footman allayed her legitimate fears, - And the Coachman sat tight on his box. - At night as they met round an excellent meal, - They would take it in turn to observe: - "What a Lady indeed! . . . what a presence to Feel! . . ." - "What a Woman to worship and serve! . . ." - - [Illustration] - - But, perhaps, the most poignant of all their delights - Was to stand in a rapturous Dream - When she spoke to them kindly on Saturday Nights, - And said "They deserved her Esteem." - - - MORAL. - - Now observe the Reward of these dutiful lives: - At the end of their Loyal Career - They each had a Lodge at the end of the drives, - And she left them a Hundred a Year. - Remember from this to be properly vexed - When the newspaper editors say, - That "The type of society shown in the Text - "Is rapidly passing away." - - - -M - - was a Millionaire who sat at Table, - And ate like this-- - - [Illustration] - - as long as he was able; - At half-past twelve the waiters turned him out: - He lived impoverished and died of gout. - - - MORAL. - - Disgusting exhibition! Have a care - When, later on, you are a Millionaire, - To rise from table feeling you could still - Take something more, and not be really ill. - - - -N - - stands for Ned, Maria's younger brother, - - [Illustration] - - Who, walking one way, chose to gaze the other. - In Blandford Square--a crowded part of town-- - Two People on a tandem knocked him down; - Whereat - - [Illustration] - - a Motor Car, with warning shout, - Ran right on top and turned him inside out: - The damages that he obtained from these - Maintained him all his life in cultured ease. - - - MORAL. - - The law protects you. Go your gentle way: - The Other Man has always got to Pay. - - - -O - - stands for Oxford. Hail! salubrious seat - Of learning! Academical Retreat! - Home of my Middle Age! Malarial Spot - Which People call Medeeval (though it's not). - The marshes in the neighbourhood can vie - With Cambridge, but the town itself is dry, - And serves to make a kind of Fold or Pen - - [Illustration] - - Wherein to herd a lot of Learned Men. - Were I to write but half of what they know, - It would exhaust the space reserved for "O"; - And, as my book must not be over big, - I turn at once to "P," which stands for Pig. - - - MORAL. - - Be taught by this to speak with moderation - Of places where, with decent application, - One gets a good, sound, middle-class education. - - - -P - - stands for Pig, as I remarked before, - A second cousin to the Huge Wild Boar. - But Pigs are civilized, while Huge Wild Boars - - [Illustration] - - Live savagely, at random, out of doors, - And, in their coarse contempt for dainty foods, - Subsist on Truffles, which they find in woods. - Not so the cultivated Pig, who feels - The need of several courses at his meals, - But wrongly thinks it does not matter whether - He takes them one by one - - [Illustration] - - or all together. - Hence, Pigs devour, from lack of self-respect, - What Epicures would certainly reject. - - - MORAL. - - Learn from the Pig to take whatever Fate - Or Elder Persons heap upon your plate. - -Q - - for Quinine, which children take - - [Illustration] - - With Jam and little bits of cake. - - - MORAL. - - How idiotic! Can Quinine - Replace Cold Baths and Sound Hygiene? - - - -R - - the Reviewer, - - [Illustration] - - reviewing my book, - At which he had barely intended to look; - But the very first lines upon "A" were enough - To convince him the _Verses_ were excellent stuff. - So he wrote, without stopping, for several days - In terms of extreme, but well-merited Praise. - To quote but one Passage: "No Person" (says he), - "Will be really content without purchasing three, - "While a Parent will send for a dozen or more, - "And strew them about on the Nursery Floor. - "The Versification might call for some strictures - "Were it not for its singular wit; while the Pictures, - "Tho' the handling of line is a little defective, - "Make up amply in _verve_ what they lack in perspective." - - - MORAL. - - The habit of constantly telling the Truth - Will lend an additional lustre to Youth. - - - -S - - stands for Snail, who, though he be the least, - Is not an uninstructive Horned Beast. - - [Illustration] - - His eyes are on his Horns, and when you shout - Or tickle them, the Horns go in and out. - Had Providence seen proper to endow - The furious Unicorn or sober Cow - With such a gift the one would never now - Appear so commonplace on Coats of Arms. - And what a fortune for our failing farms - If circus managers, with wealth untold, - Would take the Cows for half their weight in gold! - - - MORAL. - - Learn from the Snail to take reproof with patience, - And not put out your Horns on all occasions. - - - -T - - [Illustration] - - for the Genial Tourist, who resides - In Peckham, where he writes Italian Guides. - - - MORAL. - - Learn from this information not to cavil - At slight mistakes in books on foreign travel. - - - -U - - for the Upas Tree, - - [Illustration] - - that casts a blight - On those that pull their sisters' hair, and fight. - - [Illustration] - - But oh! the Good! They wander undismayed, - And (as the Subtle Artist has portrayed) - Dispend the golden hours at play beneath its shade.[B] - - - MORAL. - - Dear Reader, if you chance to catch a sight - Of Upas Trees, betake yourself to flight. - - [B] - A friend of mine, a Botanist, believes - That Good can even browse upon its leaves. - I doubt it.... - - - -V for - - [Illustration] - - the unobtrusive Volunteer, - Who fills the Armies of the World with fear. - - - MORAL. - - Seek with the Volunteer to put aside - The empty Pomp of Military Pride. - - - -W - - My little victim, let me trouble you - To fix your active mind on W. - - [Illustration] - - The WATERBEETLE here shall teach - A sermon far beyond your reach: - He flabbergasts the Human Race - By gliding on the water's face - With ease, celerity, and grace; - _But if he ever stopped to think - Of how he did it, he would sink._ - - - MORAL. - - Don't ask Questions! - - - -X - - [Illustration] - - No reasonable little Child expects - A Grown-up Man to make a rhyme on X. - - - MORAL. - - These verses teach a clever child to find - Excuse for doing all that he's inclined. - - - -Y - - [Illustration] - - stands for Youth (it would have stood for Yak, - But that I wrote about him two years back). - Youth is the pleasant springtime of our days, - As Dante so mellifluously says - (Who always speaks of Youth with proper praise). - You have not got to Youth, but when you do - You'll find what He and I have said is true. - - - MORAL. - - Youth's excellence should teach the Modern Wit - First to be Young, and then to boast of it. - - - -Z - - [Illustration] - - for this Zebu, who (like all Zebus)[C] - Is held divine by scrupulous Hindoos. - - [C] - Von Kettner writes it "_Ze_bu"; Wurst "Ze_bu_": - I split the difference and use the two. - - - MORAL. - - Idolatry, as you are well aware, - Is highly reprehensible. But there, - We needn't bother,--when we get to Z - Our interest in the Alphabet is dead. - - - - - ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS BOOKS - - _Published by Mr. EDWARD ARNOLD._ - - -REALLY AND TRULY! - -OR, THE CENTURY FOR BABES. - - Written by ERNEST AMES, and Illustrated by MRS. ERNEST AMES, - Authors of "An A B C for Baby Patriots." - Fully and brilliantly coloured. - Price 3s. 6d. - - -RUTHLESS RHYMES FOR HEARTLESS HOMES. - - The Verses by COLONEL D. STREAMER; - the Pictures by G---- H----. - Crown 4to. 3s. 6d. - - -TAILS WITH A TWIST. - - An Animal Picture-Book by E. T. REED, Author of "Pre-Historic - Peeps," &c. - With Verses by "A BELGIAN HARE." - Oblong demy 4to. 3s. 6d. - - -THE FRANK LOCKWOOD SKETCH-BOOK. - - Being a Selection of Sketches by the late SIR - FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P. - Third Edition. Oblong royal 4to. 10s. 6d. - - -MORE BEASTS (FOR WORSE CHILDREN). - - Verses by H. B. Pictures by B. B. - Demy 4to. 3s. 6d. - - -THE MODERN TRAVELLER. - - By H. B. and B. B. - Fcap. 4to. 3s. 6d. - - -A MORAL ALPHABET. - - By H. B. and B. B. - Fcap. 4to. 3s. 6d. - - -EDWARD ARNOLD, 37, BEDFORD STREET, LONDON. - - - - - * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber's note: - -Page 41, "o" changed to "to" (I to write) - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MORAL ALPHABET*** - - -******* This file should be named 40134.txt or 40134.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/0/1/3/40134 - - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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