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diff --git a/40124-0.txt b/40124-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c98a7c --- /dev/null +++ b/40124-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8341 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40124 *** + +POETICAL INGENUITIES AND ECCENTRICITIES. + + + + +_Post 8vo, cloth limp, 2s. 6d. per volume._ + + THE MAYFAIR LIBRARY. + + THE NEW REPUBLIC. By W. H. MALLOCK. + + THE NEW PAUL AND VIRGINIA. By W. H. MALLOCK. + + THE TRUE HISTORY OF JOSHUA DAVIDSON. By E. LYNN LINTON. + + OLD STORIES RE-TOLD. By WALTER THORNBURY. + + PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. + + MORE PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. + + THOREAU: HIS LIFE AND AIMS. By H. A. PAGE. + + BY STREAM AND SEA. By WILLIAM SENIOR. + + JEUX D'ESPRIT. Collected and Edited by HENRY S. LEIGH. + + GASTRONOMY AS A FINE ART. By BRILLAT-SAVARIN. + + THE MUSES OF MAYFAIR. Edited by H. CHOLMONDELEY PENNEL. + + PUCK ON PEGASUS. By H. CHOLMONDELEY PENNEL. + + ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. FIRST SERIES. Containing--The Wicked + World, Pygmalion and Galatea, Charity, The Princess, The Palace of + Truth, Trial by Jury. + + ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. SECOND SERIES. Containing--Broken + Hearts, Engaged, Sweethearts, Dan'l Druce, Gretchen, Tom Cobb, The + Sorcerer, H.M.S. Pinafore, The Pirates of Penzance. + + CAROLS OF COCKAYNE. By HENRY S. LEIGH. + + LITERARY FRIVOLITIES, FANCIES, FOLLIES, AND FROLICS. By W. T. DOBSON. + + PENCIL AND PALETTE. By ROBERT KEMPT. + + THE BOOK OF CLERICAL ANECDOTES. By JACOB LARWOOD. + + THE SPEECHES OF CHARLES DICKENS. + + THE CUPBOARD PAPERS. By FIN-BEC. + + QUIPS AND QUIDDITIES. Selected by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. + + MELANCHOLY ANATOMISED: a Popular Abridgment of "Burton's Anatomy of + Melancholy." + + THE AGONY COLUMN OF "THE TIMES," FROM 1800 TO 1870. Edited by ALICE + CLAY. + + PASTIMES AND PLAYERS. By ROBERT MACGREGOR. + + CURIOSITIES OF CRITICISM. By HENRY J. JENNINGS. + + THE PHILOSOPHY OF HANDWRITING. By DON FELIX DE SALAMANCA. + + LATTER-DAY LYRICS. Edited by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. + + BALZAC'S COMÉDIE HUMAINE AND ITS AUTHOR. With Translations by H. H. + WALKER. + + LEAVES FROM A NATURALIST'S NOTE-BOOK. By ANDREW WILSON, F.R.S.E. + + THE AUTOCRAT OF THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. By OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES. + Illustrated by J. G. THOMSON. + +_Other Volumes are in preparation._ + +CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY, W. + + + + + POETICAL INGENUITIES + AND ECCENTRICITIES + + + SELECTED AND EDITED BY + WILLIAM T. DOBSON + AUTHOR OF "LITERARY FRIVOLITIES," ETC. + + + London + CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY + 1882 + [_All rights reserved_] + + + + +PREFACE. + + +The favourable reception of "Literary Frivolities" by the Press has led to +the preparation of this work as a Sequel, in which the only sin so far +charged against the "Frivolities"--that of omission--will be found fully +atoned for. + +Those curious in regard to the historical and literary accounts of several +of the various phases of composition exemplified in this work, will find +these fully enough noticed in "Literary Frivolities," in which none of the +examples were strictly original, and had been gathered from many outlying +corners of the world of literature. In the present work, however, will be +found a number of pieces which have not hitherto been "glorified in type," +and these have been furnished by various literary gentlemen, among whom +may be named Professor E. H. Palmer and J. Appleton Morgan, LL.D., of New +York. Assistance in "things both new and old" has also been given by +Charles G. Leland, Esq. (Hans Breitmann), W. Bence Jones, Esq., J. F. +Huntingdon, Esq. (Cambridge, U.S.); whilst particular thanks are due to +Mr. Lewis Carroll for a kindly and courteous permission to quote from his +works. + +With regard to a few of the extracts, the difficulty of finding their +authors has been a bar to requesting permission to use them; but in every +case endeavour has been made to acknowledge the source whence they are +derived. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + PAGE + + THE PARODY 9 + + CHAIN OR CONCATENATION VERSE 53 + + MACARONIC VERSE 59 + + LINGUISTIC VERSE 115 + + TECHNICAL VERSE 146 + + SINGLE-RHYMED VERSE 169 + + ANAGRAMS 188 + + THE ACROSTIC 198 + + ALLITERATIVE AND ALPHABETIC VERSE 204 + + NONSENSE VERSE 214 + + LIPOGRAMS 220 + + CENTONES OR MOSAICS 224 + + ECHO VERSES 229 + + WATCH-CASE VERSES 232 + + PROSE POEMS 238 + + MISCELLANEOUS 245 + + INDEX 252 + + + + +POETICAL INGENUITIES AND ECCENTRICITIES. + + + + +_THE PARODY._ + + +Parody is the name generally given to a humorous or burlesque imitation of +a serious poem or song, of which it so far preserves the style and words +of the original as that the latter may be easily recognised; it also may +be said to consist in the application of high-sounding poetry to familiar +objects, should be confined within narrow limits, and only adapted to +light and momentary occasions. Though by no means the highest kind of +literary composition, and generally used to ridicule the poets, still many +might think their reputation increased rather than diminished by the +involuntary applause of imitators and parodists, and have no objection +that their works afford the public double amusement--first in the +original, and afterwards in the travesty, though the parodist may not +always be intellectually up to the level of his prototype. Parodies are +best, however, when short and striking--when they produce mirth by the +happy imitation of some popular passage, or when they mix instruction with +amusement, by showing up some latent absurdity or developing the disguises +of bad taste. + +The invention of this humoristic style of composition has been attributed +to the Greeks, from whose language the name itself is derived (_para_, +beside; _ode_, a song); the first to use it being supposed to be Hegemon +of Thasos, who flourished during the Peloponnesian War; by others the +credit of the invention is given to Hipponax, who in his picture of a +glutton, parodies Homer's description of the feats of Achilles in fighting +with his hero in eating. This work begins as follows: + + "Sing, O celestial goddess, Eurymedon, foremost of gluttons, + Whose stomach devours like Charybdis, eater unmatched among mortals." + +The Battle of the Frogs and Mice (The "Batrachomyomachia"), also a happy +specimen of the parody is said to be a travesty of Homer's "Iliad," and +numerous examples will be found in the comedies of Aristophanes. Among the +Romans this form of literary composition made its appearance at the period +of the Decline, and all the power of Nero could not prevent Persius from +parodying his verses. The French among modern nations have been much given +to it, whilst in the English language there are many examples, one of the +earliest being the parodying of Milton by John Philips, one of the most +artificial poets of his age (1676-1708). He was an avowed imitator of +Milton, and certainly evinced considerable talent in his peculiar line. +Philips wrote in blank verse a poem on the victory of Blenheim, and +another on Cider, the latter in imitation of the Georgics. His best work, +however, is that from which there follows a quotation, a parody on +"Paradise Lost," considered by Steele to be the best burlesque poem +extant. + +THE SPLENDID SHILLING. + + "'Sing, heavenly muse! + Things unattempted yet, in prose or rhyme,' + A shilling, breeches, and chimeras dire. + + Happy the man, who, void of care and strife, + In silken or in leathern purse retains + A Splendid Shilling: he nor hears with pain + New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale; + But with his friends, when nightly mists arise, + To Juniper's _Magpie_, or _Town-hall_[1] repairs: + Where, mindful of the nymph, whose wanton eye + Transfixed his soul, and kindled amorous flames, + Chloe or Phillis, he each circling glass + Wishes her health, and joy, and equal love. + Meanwhile he smokes, and laughs at merry tale, + Or pun ambiguous, or conundrum quaint. + But I, whom griping penury surrounds, + And hunger, sure attendant upon want, + With scanty offals, and small acid tiff, + Wretched repast! my meagre corpse sustain: + Then solitary walk, or doze at home + In garret vile, and with a warming puff + Regale chilled fingers; or from tube as black + As winter chimney, or well-polished jet, + Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent: + Not blacker tube, nor of a shorter size, + Smokes Cambro-Briton (versed in pedigree, + Sprung from Cadwallader and Arthur, kings + Full famous in romantic tale) when he + O'er many a craggy hill and barren cliff, + Upon a cargo of famed Cestrian cheese, + High over-shadowing rides, with a design + To vend his wares, or at th' Avonian mart, + Or Maridunum, or the ancient town + Yclep'd Brechinia, or where Vaga's stream + Encircles Ariconium, fruitful soil! + Whence flows nectareous wines, that well may vie + With Massic, Setin, or renowned Falern. + Thus, while my joyless minutes tedious flow + With looks demur, and silent pace, a dun, + Horrible monster! hated by gods and men, + To my aërial citadel ascends: + With vocal heel thrice thundering at my gate; + With hideous accent thrice he calls; I know + The voice ill-boding, and the solemn sound. + What should I do? or whither turn? Amazed, + Confounded, to the dark recess I fly + Of wood-hole; straight my bristling hairs erect + Through sudden fear: a chilly sweat bedews + My shuddering limbs, and (wonderful to tell!) + My tongue forgets her faculty of speech; + So horrible he seems! His faded brow + Intrenched with many a frown, and conic beard, + And spreading band, admired by modern saints, + Disastrous acts forebode; in his right hand + Long scrolls of paper solemnly he waves, + With characters and figures dire inscribed, + Grievous to mortal eyes (ye gods, avert + Such plagues from righteous men!) Behind him stalks + Another monster, not unlike himself, + Sullen of aspect, by the vulgar called + A catchpoll, whose polluted hands the gods + With force incredible, and magic charms, + First have endued: if he his ample palm + Should haply on ill-fated shoulder lay + Of debtor, straight his body, to the touch + Obsequious (as whilom knights were wont), + To some enchanted castle is conveyed, + Where gates impregnable, and coercive chains + In durance strict detain him, till, in form + Of money, Pallas sets him free. + Beware, ye debtors! when ye walk, beware, + Be circumspect; oft with insidious ken + This caitiff eyes your steps aloof, and oft + Lies perdue in a nook or gloomy cave, + Prompt to enchant some inadvertent wretch + With his unhallowed touch. So (poets sing) + Grimalkin, to domestic vermin sworn + An everlasting foe, with watchful eye + Lies nightly brooding o'er a chinky gap, + Portending her fell claws, to thoughtless mice + Sure ruin. So her disembowelled web + Arachne, in a hall or kitchen, spreads + Obvious to vagrant flies: she secret stands + Within her woven cell; the humming prey, + Regardless of their fate, rush on the toils + Inextricable; nor will aught avail + Their arts, or arms, or shapes of lovely hue: + The wasp insidious, and the buzzing drone, + And butterfly, proud of expanded wings + Distinct with gold, entangled in her snares, + Useless resistance make: with eager strides + She towering flies to her expected spoils: + Then, with envenomed jaws, the vital blood + Drinks of reluctant foes, and to her cave + Their bulky carcasses triumphant drags."... + +Perhaps the best English examples of the true parody--the above being more +of an imitation--are to be found in the "Rejected Addresses" of the +brothers James and Horace Smith. This work owed its origin to the +reopening of Drury Lane Theatre in 1812, after its destruction by fire. +The managers, in the true spirit of tradesmen, issued an advertisement +calling for Addresses, one of which should be spoken on the opening night. +Forty-three were sent in for competition. Overwhelmed by the amount of +talent thus placed at their disposal, the managers summarily rejected the +whole, and placed themselves under the care of Lord Byron, whose +composition, after all, was thought by some to be, if not unworthy, at +least ill-suited for the occasion. Mr. Ward, the secretary of the Theatre, +having casually started the idea of publishing a series of "Rejected +Addresses," composed by the most popular authors of the day, the brothers +Smith eagerly adopted the suggestion, and in six weeks the volume was +published, and received by the public with enthusiastic delight. They were +principally humorous imitations of eminent authors, and Lord Jeffrey said +of them in the _Edinburgh Review_: "I take them indeed to be the very best +imitations (and often of difficult originals) that ever were made; and, +considering their great extent and variety, to indicate a talent to which +I do not know where to look for a parallel. Some few of them descend to +the level of parodies; but by far the greater part are of a much higher +description." The one which follows is in imitation of Crabbe, and was +written by James Smith, and Jeffrey thought it "the best piece in the +collection. It is an exquisite and masterly imitation, not only of the +peculiar style, but of the taste, temper, and manner of description of +that most original author." Crabbe himself said regarding it, that it "was +admirably done." + +THE THEATRE. + + "'Tis sweet to view, from half-past five to six, + Our long wax candles, with short cotton wicks, + Touched by the lamplighter's Promethean art, + Start into light, and make the lighter start; + To see red Phoebus through the gallery-pane + Tinge with his beam the beams of Drury Lane; + While gradual parties fill our widen'd pit, + And gape, and gaze, and wonder, ere they sit. + At first, while vacant seats give choice and ease, + Distant or near, they settle where they please; + But when the multitude contracts the span, + And seats are rare, they settle where they can. + Now the full benches to late-comers doom + No room for standing, miscalled _standing-room_. + Hark! the check-taker moody silence breaks, + And bawling 'Pit full!' gives the check he takes; + Yet onward still the gathering numbers cram, + Contending crowders shout the frequent damn, + And all is bustle, squeeze, row, jabbering, and jam. + + See to their desks Apollo's sons repair-- + Swift rides the rosin o'er the horse's hair! + In unison their various tones to tune, + Murmurs the hautboy, growls the hoarse bassoon; + In soft vibration sighs the whispering lute, + Tang goes the harpsichord, too-too the flute, + Brays the loud trumpet, squeaks the fiddle sharp, + Winds the French horn, and twangs the tingling harp; + Till, like great Jove, the leader, figuring in, + Attunes to order the chaotic din. + Now all seems hushed; but no, one fiddle will + Give, half ashamed, a tiny flourish still. + Foiled in his crash, the leader of the clan + Reproves with frowns the dilatory man: + Then on his candlestick thrice taps his bow, + Nods a new signal, and away they go. + Perchance, while pit and gallery cry 'Hats off!' + And awed Consumption checks his chided cough, + Some giggling daughter of the Queen of Love + Drops, reft of pin, her play-bill from above; + Like Icarus, while laughing galleries clap, + Soars, ducks, and dives in air the printed scrap; + But, wiser far than he, combustion fears, + And, as it flies, eludes the chandeliers; + Till, sinking gradual, with repeated twirl, + It settles, curling, on a fiddler's curl, + Who from his powdered pate the intruder strikes, + And, for mere malice, sticks it on the spikes. + Say, why these Babel strains from Babel tongues? + Who's that calls 'Silence!' with such leathern lungs! + He who, in quest of quiet, 'Silence!' hoots, + Is apt to make the hubbub he imputes. + What various swains our motley walls contain!-- + Fashion from Moorfields, honour from Chick Lane; + Bankers from Paper Buildings here resort, + Bankrupts from Golden Square and Riches Court; + From the Haymarket canting rogues in grain, + Gulls from the Poultry, sots from Water Lane; + The lottery-cormorant, the auction shark, + The full-price master, and the half-price clerk; + Boys who long linger at the gallery-door, + With pence twice five--they want but twopence more; + Till some Samaritan the twopence spares, + And sends them jumping up the gallery-stairs. + Critics we boast who ne'er their malice balk, + But talk their minds--we wish they'd mind their talk; + Big-worded bullies, who by quarrels live-- + Who give the lie, and tell the lie they give; + Jews from St. Mary Axe, for jobs so wary, + That for old clothes they'd even axe St. Mary; + And bucks with pockets empty as their pate, + Lax in their gaiters, laxer in their gait; + Who oft, when we our house lock up, carouse + With tippling tipstaves in a lock-up house. + Yet here, as elsewhere, Chance can joy bestow + Where scowling fortune seem'd to threaten woe. + John Richard William Alexander Dwyer + Was footman to Justinian Stubbs, Esquire; + But when John Dwyer listed in the Blues, + Emanuel Jennings polished Stubbs's shoes; + Emanuel Jennings brought his youngest boy + Up as a corn-cutter--a safe employ; + In Holywell Street, St. Pancras, he was bred + (At number twenty-seven, it is said), + Facing the pump, and near the Granby's head; + He would have bound him to some shop in town, + But with a premium he could not come down. + Pat was the urchin's name--a red-haired youth, + Fonder of purl and skittle-grounds than truth. + Silence, ye gods! to keep your tongues in awe, + The Muse shall tell an accident she saw. + Pat Jennings in the upper gallery sat, + But, leaning forward, Jennings lost his hat; + Down from the gallery the beaver flew, + And spurned the one to settle in the two. + How shall he act? Pay at the gallery-door + Two shillings for what cost, when new, but four? + Or till half-price, to save his shilling, wait, + And gain his hat again at half-past eight? + Now, while his fears anticipate a thief, + John Mullens whispered, 'Take my handkerchief.' + 'Thank you,' cries Pat; 'but one won't make a line.' + 'Take mine,' cried Wilson; and cried Stokes, 'Take mine.' + A motley cable soon Pat Jennings ties, + Where Spitalfields with real India vies. + Like Iris' bow down darts the painted clue, + Starred, striped, and spotted, yellow, red, and blue, + Old calico, torn silk, and muslin new. + George Green below, with palpitating hand, + Loops the last 'kerchief to the beaver's band-- + Upsoars the prize! The youth, with joy unfeigned, + Regained the felt, and felt what he regained; + While to the applauding galleries grateful Pat + Made a low bow, and touched the ransomed hat!" + +From the same work is taken this parody on a beautiful passage in +Southey's "Kehama:" + + "Midnight, yet not a nose + From Tower Hill to Piccadilly snored! + Midnight, yet not a nose + From Indra drew the essence of repose. + See with what crimson fury, + By Indra fann'd, the god of fire ascends the walls of Drury! + The tops of houses, blue with lead, + Bend beneath the landlord's tread; + Master and 'prentice, serving-man and lord, + Nailor and tailor, + Grazier and brazier, + Through streets and alleys poured, + All, all abroad to gaze, + And wonder at the blaze. + Thick calf, fat foot, and slim knee, + Mounted on roof and chimney; + The mighty roast, the mighty stew + To see, + As if the dismal view + Were but to them a mighty jubilee." + +The brothers Smith reproduced Byron in the familiar "Childe Harold" +stanza, both in style and thought: + + "For what is Hamlet, but a hare in March? + And what is Brutus but a croaking owl? + And what is Rolla? Cupid steeped in starch, + Orlando's helmet in Augustin's cowl. + Shakespeare, how true thine adage, 'fair is foul!' + To him whose soul is with fruition fraught, + The song of Braham is an Irish howl, + Thinking is but an idle waste of thought, + And nought is everything, and everything is nought." + +Moore, also, was imitated in the same way, as in these verses: + + "The apples that grew on the fruit-tree of knowledge + By women were plucked, and she still wears the prize, + To tempt us in theatre, senate, or college-- + I mean the love-apples that bloom in the eyes. + + There, too, is the lash which, all statutes controlling, + Still governs the slaves that are made by the fair; + For man is the pupil who, while her eye's rolling, + Is lifted to rapture or sunk in despair." + +From the parody on Sir Walter Scott, it is difficult to select, being all +good; calling from Scott himself the remark, "I must have done this +myself, though I forget on what occasion." + +A TALE OF DRURY LANE. + +BY W. S. + + "As Chaos which, by heavenly doom, + Had slept in everlasting gloom, + Started with terror and surprise, + When light first flashed upon her eyes: + So London's sons in nightcap woke, + In bedgown woke her dames, + For shouts were heard mid fire and smoke, + And twice ten hundred voices spoke, + 'The playhouse is in flames.' + And lo! where Catherine Street extends, + A fiery tail its lustre lends + To every window pane: + Blushes each spout in Martlet Court, + And Barbican, moth-eaten fort, + And Covent Garden kennels sport + A bright ensanguined drain; + Meux's new brewhouse shows the light, + Rowland Hill's chapel, and the height + Where patent shot they sell: + The Tennis Court, so fair and tall, + Partakes the ray, with Surgeons' Hall, + The ticket porters' house of call, + Old Bedlam, close by London Wall, + Wright's shrimp and oyster shop withal, + And Richardson's hotel. + Nor these alone, but far and wide, + Across the Thames's gleaming tide, + To distant fields the blaze was borne; + And daisy white and hoary thorn, + In borrowed lustre seemed to sham + The rose or red Sweet Wil-li-am. + To those who on the hills around + Beheld the flames from Drury's mound, + As from a lofty altar rise; + It seemed that nations did conspire, + To offer to the god of fire + Some vast stupendous sacrifice! + The summoned firemen woke at call, + And hied them to their stations all. + Starting from short and broken snooze, + Each sought his ponderous hobnailed shoes; + But first his worsted hosen plied, + Plush breeches next in crimson dyed, + His nether bulk embraced; + Then jacket thick of red or blue, + Whose massy shoulders gave to view + The badge of each respective crew, + In tin or copper traced. + The engines thundered through the street, + Fire-hook, pipe, bucket, all complete, + And torches glared and clattering feet + Along the pavement paced. + + * * * * * + + E'en Higginbottom now was posed, + For sadder scene was ne'er disclosed; + Without, within, in hideous show, + Devouring flames resistless glow, + And blazing rafters downward go, + And never halloo 'Heads below!' + Nor notice give at all: + The firemen, terrified, are slow + To bid the pumping torrent flow, + For fear the roof should fall. + Back, Robins, back! Crump, stand aloof! + Whitford, keep near the walls! + Huggins, regard your own behoof, + For, lo! the blazing rocking roof + Down, down in thunder falls! + An awful pause succeeds the stroke, + And o'er the ruins volumed smoke, + Rolling around its pitchy shroud, + Concealed them from the astonished crowd. + At length the mist awhile was cleared, + When lo! amid the wreck upreared + Gradual a moving head appeared, + And Eagle firemen knew + 'Twas Joseph Muggins, name revered, + The foreman of their crew. + Loud shouted all in signs of woe, + 'A Muggins to the rescue, ho!' + And poured the hissing tide: + Meanwhile the Muggins fought amain, + And strove and struggled all in vain, + For, rallying but to fall again, + He tottered, sunk, and died! + Did none attempt, before he fell, + To succour one they loved so well? + Yes, Higginbottom did aspire + (His fireman's soul was all on fire) + His brother chief to save; + But ah! his reckless generous ire + Served but to share his grave! + 'Mid blazing beams and scalding streams, + Through fire and smoke he dauntless broke, + Where Muggins broke before. + But sulphury stench and boiling drench + Destroying sight, o'erwhelmed him quite; + He sunk to rise no more. + Still o'er his head, while Fate he braved, + His whizzing water-pipe he waved; + 'Whitford and Mitford, ply your pumps; + You, Clutterbuck, come, stir your stumps; + Why are you in such doleful dumps? + A fireman, and afraid of bumps! + What are they feared on? fools,--'od rot 'em!' + Were the last words of Higginbottom!"... + +Canning and Frere, the two chief writers in the "Anti-Jacobin," had great +merit as writers of parody. There is hardly a better one to be found than +the following on Southey's verses regarding Henry Martin the Regicide, the +fun of which is readily apparent even to those who do not know the +original: + +INSCRIPTION + + (For the door of the cell in Newgate where Mrs. Brownrigg, the + Prentice-cide, was confined previous to her execution). + + "For one long term, or e'er her trial came, + Here Brownrigg lingered. Often have these cells + Echoed her blasphemies, as with shrill voice + She screamed for fresh Geneva. Not to her + Did the blithe fields of Tothill, or thy street, + St. Giles, its fair varieties expand, + Till at the last, in slow-drawn cart, she went + To execution. Dost thou ask her crime? + She whipped two female prentices to death, + And hid them in the coal-hole. For her mind + Shaped strictest plans of discipline. Sage schemes! + Such as Lycurgus taught, when at the shrine + Of the Orthyan goddess he bade flog + The little Spartans; such as erst chastised + Our Milton, when at college. For this act + Did Brownrigg swing. Harsh laws! But time shall come + When France shall reign, and laws be all repealed." + +The following felicitous parody on Wolfe's "Lines on the Burial of Sir +John Moore" is taken from Thomas Hood: + + "Not a laugh was heard, nor a joyous note, + As our friend to the bridal we hurried; + Not a wit discharged his farewell joke, + As the bachelor went to be married. + + We married him quickly to save his fright, + Our heads from the sad sight turning; + And we sighed as we stood by the lamp's dim light, + To think him not more discerning. + + To think that a bachelor free and bright, + And shy of the sex as we found him, + Should there at the altar, at dead of night, + Be caught in the snares that bound him. + + Few and short were the words we said, + Though of cake and wine partaking; + We escorted him home from the scene of dread, + While his knees were awfully shaking. + + Slowly and sadly we marched adown + From the top to the lowermost story; + And we have never heard from nor seen the poor man + Whom we left alone in his glory." + +Mr. Barham has also left us a parody on the same lines: + + "Not a sou had he got,--not a guinea, or note, + And he looked most confoundedly flurried, + As he bolted away without paying his shot, + And the landlady after him hurried. + + We saw him again at dead of night, + When home from the club returning; + We twigged the Doctor beneath the light + Of the gas lamp brilliantly burning. + + All bare, and exposed to the midnight dews, + Reclined in the gutter we found him, + And he looked like a gentleman taking a snooze, + With his Marshall cloak around him. + + 'The Doctor is as drunk as the d--l,' we said, + And we managed a shutter to borrow, + We raised him, and sighed at the thought that his head + Would confoundedly ache on the morrow. + + We bore him home and we put him to bed, + And we told his wife and daughter + To give him next morning a couple of red + Herrings with soda-water. + + Loudly they talked of his money that's gone, + And his lady began to upbraid him; + But little he reck'd, so they let him snore on + 'Neath the counterpane, just as we laid him. + + We tuck'd him in, and had hardly done, + When beneath the window calling + We heard the rough voice of a son of a gun + Of a watchman 'one o'clock' bawling. + + Slowly and sadly we all walk'd down + From his room on the uppermost story, + A rushlight we placed on the cold hearth-stone, + And we left him alone in his glory." + +In the examples which follow, the selection has been made on the principle +of giving only those of which the prototypes are well known and will be +easily recognised, and here is another of Hood's, written on a popular +ballad: + + "We met--'twas in a mob--and I thought he had done me-- + I felt--I could not feel--for no watch was upon me; + He ran--the night was cold--and his pace was unaltered, + I too longed much to pelt--but my small-boned legs faltered. + I wore my brand new boots--and unrivalled their brightness, + They fit me to a hair--how I hated their tightness! + I called, but no one came, and my stride had a tether, + Oh, _thou_ hast been the cause of this anguish, my leather! + And once again we met--and an old pal was near him, + He swore, a something low--but 'twas no use to fear him, + I seized upon his arm, he was mine and mine only, + And stept, as he deserved--to cells wretched and lonely: + And there he will be tried--but I shall ne'er receive her, + The watch that went too sure for an artful deceiver; + The world may think me gay--heart and feet ache together, + Oh, _thou_ hast been the cause of this anguish, my leather!" + +Here is another upon an old favourite song: + +THE BANDIT'S FATE. + + "He wore a brace of pistols the night when first we met, + His deep-lined brow was frowning beneath his wig of jet, + His footsteps had the moodiness, his voice the hollow tone, + Of a bandit chief, who feels remorse, and tears his hair alone-- + I saw him but at half-price, but methinks I see him now, + In the tableau of the last act, with the blood upon his brow. + + A private bandit's belt and boots, when next we met, he wore; + His salary, he told me, was lower than before; + And standing at the O. P. wing he strove, and not in vain, + To borrow half a sovereign, which he never paid again. + I saw it but a moment--and I wish I saw it now-- + As he buttoned up his pocket, with a condescending bow. + + And once again we met; but no bandit chief was there; + His rouge was off, and gone that head of once luxuriant hair: + He lodges in a two-pair back, and at the public near, + He cannot liquidate his 'chalk,' or wipe away his beer. + I saw him sad and seedy, yet methinks I see him now, + In the tableau of the last act, with the blood upon his brow." + +Goldsmith's "When lovely woman stoops to folly," has been thus parodied by +Shirley Brooks: + + "When lovely woman, lump of folly, + Would show the world her vainest trait,-- + Would treat herself as child her dolly, + And warn each man of sense away,-- + The surest method she'll discover + To prompt a wink in every eye, + Degrade a spouse, disgust a lover, + And spoil a scalp-skin, is--to dye!" + +Examples like these are numerous, and may be found in the "Bon Gaultier +Ballads" of Theodore Martin and Professor Aytoun; "The Ingoldsby Legends" +of Barham; and the works of Lewis Carroll. + +One of the "Bon Gaultier" travesties was on Macaulay, and was called "The +Laureate's Journey;" of which these two verses are part: + + "'He's dead, he's dead, the Laureate's dead!' Thus, thus the cry began, + And straightway every garret roof gave up its minstrel man; + From Grub Street, and from Houndsditch, and from Farringdon Within, + The poets all towards Whitehall poured in with eldritch din. + + Loud yelled they for Sir James the Graham: but sore afraid was he; + A hardy knight were he that might face such a minstrelsie. + 'Now by St. Giles of Netherby, my patron saint, I swear, + I'd rather by a thousand crowns Lord Palmerston were here!'" + +It is necessary, however, to confine our quotations within reasonable +limits, and a few from the modern writers must suffice. The next is by +Henry S. Leigh, one of the best living writers of burlesque verse. + +ONLY SEVEN.[2] + +(A PASTORAL STORY, AFTER WORDSWORTH.) + + "I marvelled why a simple child, + That lightly draws its breath, + Should utter groans so very wild, + And look as pale as death. + + Adopting a parental tone, + I asked her why she cried; + The damsel answered with a groan, + 'I've got a pain inside. + + I thought it would have sent me mad, + Last night about eleven.' + Said I, 'What is it makes you bad? + How many apples have you had?' + She answered, 'Only seven!' + + 'And are you sure you took no more, + My little maid,' quoth I. + 'Oh, please, sir, mother gave me four, + But they were in a pie.' + + 'If that's the case,' I stammered out, + 'Of course you've had eleven.' + The maiden answered with a pout, + 'I ain't had more nor seven!' + + I wondered hugely what she meant, + And said, 'I'm bad at riddles, + But I know where little girls are sent + For telling tarradiddles. + + Now if you don't reform,' said I, + 'You'll never go to heaven!' + But all in vain; each time I try, + The little idiot makes reply, + 'I ain't had more nor seven!' + + POSTSCRIPT. + + To borrow Wordsworth's name was wrong, + Or slightly misapplied; + And so I'd better call my song, + 'Lines from Ache-inside.'" + +Mr. Swinburne's alliterative style lays him particularly open to the +skilful parodist, and he has been well imitated by Mr. Mortimer Collins, +who, perhaps, is as well known as novelist as poet. The following example +is entitled + +"IF." + + "If life were never bitter, + And love were always sweet, + Then who would care to borrow + A moral from to-morrow? + If Thames would always glitter, + And joy would ne'er retreat, + If life were never bitter, + And love were always sweet. + + If care were not the waiter, + Behind a fellow's chair, + When easy-going sinners + Sit down to Richmond dinners, + And life's swift stream goes straighter-- + By Jove, it would be rare, + If care were not the waiter + Behind a fellow's chair. + + If wit were always radiant, + And wine were always iced, + And bores were kicked out straightway + Through a convenient gateway: + Then down the year's long gradient + 'Twere sad to be enticed, + If wit were always radiant; + And wine were always iced." + +The next instance, by the same author, is another good imitation of Mr. +Swinburne's style. It is a recipe for + +SALAD. + + "Oh, cool in the summer is salad, + And warm in the winter is love; + And a poet shall sing you a ballad + Delicious thereon and thereof. + A singer am I, if no sinner, + My muse has a marvellous wing, + And I willingly worship at dinner + The sirens of spring. + + Take endive--like love it is bitter, + Take beet--for like love it is red; + Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter + And cress from the rivulet's bed; + Anchovies, foam-born, like the lady + Whose beauty has maddened this bard; + And olives, from groves that are shady, + And eggs--boil 'em hard." + +The "Shootover Papers," by members of the Oxford University, contains this +parody, written upon the "Procuratores," a kind of university police: + + "Oh, vestment of velvet and virtue, + Oh, venomous victors of vice, + Who hurt men who never hurt you, + Oh, calm, cold, crueller than ice. + Why wilfully wage you this war, is + All pity purged out of your breast? + Oh, purse-prigging procuratores, + Oh, pitiless pest! + + We had smote and made redder than roses, + With juice not of fruit nor of bud, + The truculent townspeople's noses, + And bathed brutal butchers in blood; + And we all aglow in our glories, + Heard you not in the deafening din; + And ye came, oh ye procuratores, + And ran us all in!" + +In the same book a certain school of poets has been hit at in the +following lines: + + "Mingled, aye, with fragrant yearnings, + Throbbing in the mellow glow, + Glint the silvery spirit burnings, + Pearly blandishments of woe. + + Ay! for ever and for ever, + While the love-lorn censers sweep; + While the jasper winds dissever, + Amber-like, the crystal deep; + + Shall the soul's delicious slumber, + Sea-green vengeance of a kiss, + Reach despairing crags to number + Blue infinities of bliss." + +The "Diversions of the Echo Club," by Bayard Taylor, contains many +parodies, principally upon American poets, and gives this admirable +rendering of Edgar A. Poe's style: + +THE PROMISSORY NOTE. + + "In the lonesome latter years, + (Fatal years!) + To the dropping of my tears + Danced the mad and mystic spheres + In a rounded, reeling rune, + 'Neath the moon, + To the dripping and the dropping of my tears. + + Ah, my soul is swathed in gloom, + (Ulalume!) + In a dim Titanic tomb, + For my gaunt and gloomy soul + Ponders o'er the penal scroll, + O'er the parchment (not a rhyme), + Out of place,--out of time,-- + I am shredded, shorn, unshifty, + (Oh, the fifty!) + And the days have passed, the three, + Over me! + And the debit and the credit are as one to him and me! + + 'Twas the random runes I wrote + At the bottom of the note + (Wrote and freely + Gave to Greeley), + In the middle of the night, + In the mellow, moonless night, + When the stars were out of sight, + When my pulses like a knell, + (Israfel!) + Danced with dim and dying fays + O'er the ruins of my days, + O'er the dimeless, timeless days, + When the fifty, drawn at thirty, + Seeming thrifty, yet the dirty + Lucre of the market, was the most that I could raise! + + Fiends controlled it, + (Let him hold it!) + Devils held for me the inkstand and the pen; + Now the days of grace are o'er, + (Ah, Lenore!) + I am but as other men: + What is time, time, time, + To my rare and runic rhyme, + To my random, reeling rhyme, + By the sands along the shore, + Where the tempest whispers, 'Pay him!' and I answer, 'Nevermore!'"[3] + +Bret Harte also has given a good imitation of Poe's style in "The +Willows," from which there follows an extract: + + "But Mary, uplifting her finger, + Said, 'Sadly this bar I mistrust,-- + I fear that this bar does not trust. + Oh, hasten--oh, let us not linger-- + Oh, fly--let us fly--ere we must!' + In terror she cried, letting sink her + Parasol till it trailed in the dust,-- + In agony sobbed, letting sink her + Parasol till it trailed in the dust,-- + Till it sorrowfully trailed in the dust. + + Then I pacified Mary and kissed her, + And tempted her into the room, + And conquered her scruples and gloom; + And we passed to the end of the vista, + But were stopped by the warning of doom,-- + By some words that were warning of doom. + And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister, + At the opposite end of the room?' + She sobbed as she answered, 'All liquors + Must be paid for ere leaving the room.'" + +Mr. Calverley is perhaps one of the best of the later parodists, and he +hits off Tennyson, Mrs. Browning, Coventry Patmore, and others most +inimitably. We give a couple of verses from one, a parody of his upon a +well-known lyric of Tennyson's, and few we think after perusing it would +be able to read "The Brook" without its murmur being associated with the +wandering tinker: + + "I loiter down by thorp and town; + For any job I'm willing; + Take here and there a dusty brown + And here and there a shilling. + + * * * * * + + Thus on he prattled, like a babbling brook, + Then I; 'The sun has slept behind the hill, + And my Aunt Vivian dines at half-past six.' + So in all love we parted: I to the Hall, + They to the village. It was noised next noon + That chickens had been missed at Syllabub Farm." + +Mr. Tennyson's "Home they brought her warrior dead," has likewise been +differently travestied by various writers. One of these by Mr. Sawyer is +given here: + + +THE RECOGNITION. + + "Home they brought her sailor son, + Grown a man across the sea, + Tall and broad and black of beard, + And hoarse of voice as man may be. + + Hand to shake and mouth to kiss, + Both he offered ere he spoke; + But she said, 'What man is this + Comes to play a sorry joke?' + + Then they praised him--call'd him 'smart,' + 'Tightest lad that ever stept;' + But her son she did not know, + And she neither smiled nor wept. + + Rose, a nurse of ninety years, + Set a pigeon-pie in sight; + She saw him eat--''Tis he! 'tis he!'-- + She knew him--by his appetite!" + +"The May-Queen" has also suffered in some verses called "The Biter Bit," +of which these are the last four lines: + + "You may lay me in my bed, mother--my head is throbbing sore; + And, mother, prithee let the sheets be duly aired before; + And if you'd do a kindness to your poor desponding child, + Draw me a pot of beer, mother--and, mother, draw it mild!" + +Mr. Calverley has imitated well also the old ballad style, as in this one, +of which we give the opening verses: + + "It was a railway passenger, + And he leapt out jauntilie. + 'Now up and bear, thou proud portèr, + My two chattels to me. + + * * * * * + + 'And fetch me eke a cabman bold, + That I may be his fare, his fare: + And he shall have a good shilling, + If by two of the clock he do me bring + To the terminus, Euston Square.' + + 'Now,--so to thee the Saints alway, + Good gentlemen, give luck,-- + As never a cab may I find this day, + For the cabmen wights have struck: + + And now, I wis, at the Red Post Inn, + Or else at the Dog and Duck, + Or at Unicorn Blue, or at Green Griffin, + The nut-brown ale and the fine old gin + Right pleasantlie they do suck.'"... + +The following imitation of the old ballad form is by Mr. Lewis Carroll, +who has written many capital versions of different poems: + +YE CARPETTE KNYGHTE. + + "I have a horse--a ryghte good horse-- + Ne doe I envie those + Who scoure ye plaine in headie course, + Tyll soddaine on theyre nose + They lyghte wyth unexpected force-- + It ys--a horse of clothes. + + I have a saddel--'Say'st thou soe? + Wyth styrruppes, knyghte, to boote?' + I sayde not that--I answere 'Noe'-- + Yt lacketh such, I woot-- + Yt ys a mutton-saddel, loe! + Parte of ye fleecie brute. + + I have a bytte--a right good bytte-- + As schall be seen in time. + Ye jawe of horse yt wyll not fytte-- + Yts use ys more sublyme. + Fayre Syr, how deemest thou of yt? + Yt ys--thys bytte of rhyme." + +In "Alice in Wonderland,"[4] by the same gentleman, there is this new +version of an old nursery ditty: + + "'Will you walk a little faster?' said a whiting to a snail, + 'There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. + See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! + They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance? + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? + + 'You can really have no notion how delightful it will be + When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea!' + But the snail replied, 'Too far, too far!' and gave a look askance, + Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. + Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance, + Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. + + 'What matters it how far we go?' his scaly friend replied; + 'There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. + The farther off from England the nearer is to France-- + Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance? + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? + Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?'" + +Mr. Carroll's adaptation of "You are old, Father William," is one of the +best of its class, and here are two verses: + + "'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, + 'And your hair has become very white; + And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- + Do you think, at your age, it is right?' + 'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, + 'I feared it might injure the brain; + But now I am perfectly sure I have none-- + Why, I do it again and again!' + + 'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak + For anything tougher than suet; + Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- + Pray, how do you manage to do it?' + 'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law, + And argued each case with my wife; + And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw + Has lasted the rest of my life.'"[5] + +Mr. H. Cholmondeley-Pennell in "Puck on Pegasus" gives some good examples, +such as that on the "Hiawatha" of Longfellow, the "Song of In-the-Water," +and also that on Southey's "How the Waters come down at Lodore," the +parody being called "How the Daughters come down at Dunoon," of which +these are the concluding lines: + + "Feathers a-flying all--bonnets untying all-- + Crinolines rapping and flapping and slapping all, + Balmorals dancing and glancing entrancing all,-- + Feats of activity-- + Nymphs on declivity-- + Sweethearts in ecstasies-- + Mothers in vextasies-- + Lady-loves whisking and frisking and clinging on, + True lovers puffing and blowing and springing on, + Flushing and blushing and wriggling and giggling on, + Teasing and pleasing and wheezing and squeezing on, + Everlastingly falling and bawling and sprawling on, + Flurrying and worrying and hurrying and skurrying on, + Tottering and staggering and lumbering and slithering on, + Any fine afternoon + About July or June-- + That's just how the Daughters + Come down at Dunoon!" + +"Twas ever thus," the well-known lines of Moore, has also been travestied +by Mr. H. C. Pennell: + + "Wus! ever wus! By freak of Puck's + My most exciting hopes are dashed; + I never wore my spotless ducks + But madly--wildly--they were splashed! + I never roved by Cynthia's beam, + To gaze upon the starry sky; + But some old stiff-backed beetle came, + And charged into my pensive eye: + + And oh! I never did the swell + In Regent Street, amongst the beaus, + But smuts the most prodigious fell, + And always settled on my nose!" + +Moore's lines have evidently been tempting to the parodists, for Mr. +Calverley and Mr. H. S. Leigh have also written versions: Mr. Leigh's +begins thus-- + + "I never reared a young gazelle + (Because, you see, I never tried), + But had it known and loved me well, + No doubt the creature would have died. + My sick and aged Uncle John + Has known me long and loves me well, + But still persists in living on-- + I would he were a young gazelle." + +Shakespeare's soliloquy in Hamlet has been frequently selected as a +subject for parody; the first we give being the work of Mr. F. C. Burnand +in "Happy Thoughts": + + "To sniggle or to dibble, that's the question! + Whether to bait a hook with worm or bumble, + Or to take up arms of any sea, some trouble + To fish, and then home send 'em. To fly--to whip-- + To moor and tie my boat up by the end + To any wooden post, or natural rock + We may be near to, on a Preservation + Devoutly to be fished. To fly--to whip-- + To whip! perchance two bream;--and there's the chub!" + +CREMATION. + + "To Urn, or not to Urn? That is the question: + Whether 'tis better in our frames to suffer + The shows and follies of outrageous custom, + Or to take fire against a sea of zealots, + And, by consuming, end them? To Urn--to keep-- + No more: and while we keep, to say we end + Contagion, and the thousand graveyard ills + That flesh is heir to--'tis a consume-ation + Devoutly to be wished! To burn--to keep-- + To keep! Perchance to lose--ay, there's the rub! + For in the course of things what duns may come, + Or who may shuffle off our Dresden urn, + Must give us pause. There's the respect + That makes inter-i-ment of so long use; + For who would have the pall and plumes of hire, + The tradesman's prize--a proud man's obsequies, + The chaffering for graves, the legal fee, + The cemetery beadle, and the rest, + When he himself might his few ashes make + With a mere furnace? Who would tombstones bear, + And lie beneath a lying epitaph, + But that the dread of simmering after death-- + That uncongenial furnace from whose burn + No incremate returns--weakens the will, + And makes us rather bear the graves we have + Than fly to ovens that we know not of?" + +The next, on the same subject, is from an American source, where it is +introduced by the remark: + +"I suppose they'll be wanting us to change our language as well as our +habits. Our years will have to be dated A.C., in the year of cremation; +and 'from creation to cremation' will serve instead of 'from the cradle to +the grave.' We may expect also some lovely elegies in the +future--something in the following style perhaps, for, of course, when +gravediggers are succeeded by pyre-lighters, the grave laments of yore +will be replaced by lighter melodies": + + "Above your mantel, in the new screen's shade, + Where smokes the coal in one dull, smouldering heap, + Each in his patent urn for ever laid, + The baked residue of our fathers sleep. + + The wheezy call of muffins in the morn, + The milkman tottering from his rushy sled, + The help's shrill clarion, or the fishman's horn, + No more shall rouse them from their lofty bed. + + For them no more the blazing fire-grate burns, + Or busy housewife fries her savoury soles, + Though children run to clasp their sires' red urns, + And roll them in a family game of bowls. + + Perhaps in this deserted pot is laid + Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire, + Hands that the rod paternal may have swayed, + Or waked to ecstasy the living liar." + +The well-known lady traveller, Mrs. Burton, in one of her volumes gives +the following amusing verses: + + "What is the black man saying, + Brother, the whole day long? + Methinks I hear him praying + Ever the self-same song-- + _Sa'b meri bakshish do_! + + Brother, they are not praying, + They are not doing so; + The only thing they're saying + Is _sa'b meri bakshish do_. + (Gi'e me a 'alfpenny do.)" + +To give specimens of all the kinds of parody were impossible, and we can +only refer to the prose parodies of Thackeray's "Novels by Eminent Hands," +and Bret Harte's "Condensed Novels."[6] Renderings of popular ballads in +this way are common enough in our comic periodicals, as _Punch_, _Fun_, +&c. Indeed, one appeared in _Punch_ a number of years ago, called +"Ozokerit," a travesty of Tennyson's "In Memoriam," which has been +considered one of the finest ever written. They are to be found, too, in +many of those Burlesques and Extravaganzas which are put upon the stage +now, and these the late Mr. Planchè had a delightful faculty of writing, +the happiness and ring of which have rarely been equalled. Take, for +instance, one verse of a parody in "Jason" on a well-known air in the +"Waterman:" + + "Now farewell my trim-built Argo, + Greece and Fleece and all, farewell, + Never more as supercargo + Shall poor Jason cut a swell." + +And here is the opening verse of another song by the same author: + + "When other lips and other eyes + Their tales of love shall tell, + Which means the usual sort of lies + You've heard from many a swell; + When, bored with what you feel is bosh, + You'd give the world to see + A friend whose love you know will wash, + Oh, then, remember me!" + +Another very popular song has been parodied in this way by Mr. Carroll: + + "Beautiful soup, so rich and green, + Waiting in a big tureen! + Who for such dainties would not stoop! + Soup of the evening, beautiful soup! + Soup of the evening, beautiful soup!" + +American papers put in circulation many little verses, such as this-- + + "The melancholy days have come, + The saddest of the year; + Too warm, alas! for whiskey punch, + Too cold for lager beer." + +And this, in reference to the Centennial Exhibition: + + "Breathes there a Yank, so mean, so small, + Who never says, 'Wall, now, by Gaul, + I reckon since old Adam's fall + There's never growed on this 'ere ball + A nation so all-fired tall + As we centennial Yankees." + +A number of periodicals nowadays make parody and other out-of-the-way +styles of literary composition a feature in their issues by way of +competition for prizes, and one of these is given here. The author signs +himself "Hermon," and the poem was selected by the editor of "Truth" +(November 25, 1880) for a prize in a competition of parodies upon +"Excelsior." It is called "That Thirty-four!" having reference, it is +perhaps hardly necessary to state, to the American puzzle of that name +which has proved so perplexing an affair to some people. + +THAT THIRTY-FOUR. + + "Chill August's storms were piping loud, + When through a gaping London crowd, + There passed a youth, who still was heard + To mutter the perplexing word, + 'That Thirty-four!' + + His eyes were wild; his brow above + Was crumpled like an old kid-glove; + And like some hoarse crow's grating note + That word still quivered in his throat, + 'That Thirty-four!' + + 'Oh, give it up!' his comrades said; + 'It only muddles your poor head; + It is not worth your finding out.' + He answered with a wailing shout, + 'That Thirty-four!' + + 'Art not content,' the maiden said, + 'To solve the "Fifteen"-one instead?' + He paused--his tearful eyes he dried-- + Gulped down a sob, then sadly sighed, + 'That Thirty-four!' + + At midnight, on their high resort, + The cats were startled at their sport + To hear, beneath one roof, a tone + Gasp out, betwixt a snore and groan, + 'That Thirty-four!'" + + + + +_CHAIN VERSE._ + + +This ingenious style of versification, where the last word or phrase in +each line is taken for the beginning of the next, is sometimes also called +"Concatenation" verse. The invention of this mode of composition is +claimed by M. Lasphrise, a French poet, who wrote the following: + + "Falloit-il que le ciel me rendit amoreux, + Amoreux, jouissant d'une beauté craintive, + Craintive à recevoir la douceur excessive, + Excessive au plaisir que rend l'amant heureux? + Heureux si nous avions quelques paisibles lieux, + Lieux où plus surement l'ami fidèle arrive, + Arrive sans soupçon de quelque ami attentive, + Attentive à vouloir nous surprendre tous deux." + +The poem which follows is from a manuscript furnished by an American +gentleman, who states that he has never seen it in print, and knows not +the author's name. The "rhythm somewhat resembles the ticking of a clock," +from whence the poem derives its name of + +THE MUSICAL CLOCK. + + "Wing the course of time with music, + Music of the grand old days-- + Days when hearts were brave and noble, + Noble in their simple ways. + Ways, however rough, yet earnest, + Earnest to promote the truth-- + Truth that teaches us a lesson, + Lesson worthy age and youth. + Youth and age alike may listen-- + Listen, meditate, improve-- + Improve in happiness and glory, + Glory that shall Heavenward move. + Move, as music moves, in pathos, + Pathos sweet, and power sublime, + Sublime to raise the spirit drooping, + Drooping with the toils of time. + Time reveals, amid its grandeur, + Grandeur purer, prouder still-- + Still revealing dreams of beauty, + Beauty that inspires the will-- + Will a constant sighing sorrow, + Sorrow full of tears restore, + Restore but for a moment, pleasure? + Pleasure dead can live no more. + No more, then, languish for the buried, + Buried calmly let it be. + Be the star of promise Heaven, + Heaven has sweeter joys for thee. + For thee perchance, though dark the seeming, + Seeming dark, may yet prove bright, + Bright through mortal cares, shall softly, + Softly dissipate the night. + Night shall not endure for ever,-- + Ever! no, the laws of Earth, + Earth inconstant, shall forbid it-- + Bid it change from gloom to mirth. + Mirth and grief, are light and shadow-- + Shadows light to us are dear. + Dear the scene becomes by contrast-- + Contrast there, in beauty here. + Here, through sun and tempest many, + Many shall thy being pass-- + Pass without a sigh of sorrow, + Sorrow wins not by alas! + Alas! we pardon in a maiden, + Maiden when her heart is young, + Young and timid, but in manhood, + Manhood should be sterner strung, + Strung as though his nerves were iron, + Iron tempered well to bend-- + Bend, mayhap, but yielding never, + Never, when despair would rend-- + Rend the pillars from the temple, + Temple in the human breast, + Breast that lonely grief has chosen, + Chosen for her place of rest-- + Rest unto thy spirit, only, + Only torment will she bring. + Bring, oh man! the lyre of gladness, + Gladness frights the harpy's wing!" + +The following two pieces are similar in style to some of our +seventeenth-century poets: + +AD MORTEM. + + "The longer life, the more offence; + The more offence, the greater pain; + The greater pain, the less defence; + The less defence, the greater gain-- + Wherefore, come death, and let me die! + + The shorter life, less care I find, + Less care I take, the sooner over; + The sooner o'er, the merrier mind; + The merrier mind, the better lover-- + Wherefore, come death, and let me die! + + Come, gentle death, the ebb of care; + The ebb of care, the flood of life; + The flood of life, I'm sooner there; + I'm sooner there--the end of strife-- + The end of strife, that thing wish I-- + Wherefore, come death, and let me die!" + +TRUTH. + + "Nerve thy soul with doctrines noble, + Noble in the walks of time, + Time that leads to an eternal + An eternal life sublime; + Life sublime in moral beauty, + Beauty that shall ever be; + Ever be to lure thee onward, + Onward to the fountain free-- + Free to every earnest seeker, + Seeker for the Fount of Youth-- + Youth exultant in its beauty, + Beauty of the living truth." + +The following hymn appears in the Irish Church Hymnal, and is by Mr. J. +Byrom: + + "My spirit longs for Thee + Within my troubled breast, + Though I unworthy be + Of so Divine a Guest. + + Of so Divine a Guest + Unworthy though I be, + Yet has my heart no rest, + Unless it come from Thee. + + Unless it come from Thee, + In vain I look around; + In all that I can see + No rest is to be found. + + No rest is to be found. + But in Thy blessèd love; + Oh, let my wish be crowned + And send it from above." + +Dr., as he was commonly called, Byrom, seems to have been an amiable and +excellent man, and his friends after his death in September 1763 collected +and published all the verses of his they could lay hands on, in 2 vols. +12mo, at Manchester in 1773. A more complete edition was issued in 1814. +Many of Byrom's poems evince talent, but a great part are only calculated +for private perusal: his "Diary" and "Remains" were published by the +Chetham Society (1854-57). Byrom was the inventor of a successful system +of shorthand. He was a decided Jacobite, and his mode of defending his +sentiments on this point are still remembered and quoted: + + "God bless the King! I mean the Faith's defender; + God bless--no harm in blessing--the Pretender! + But who Pretender is, or who the King, + God bless us all--that's quite another thing!" + + + + +_MACARONIC VERSE._ + + +Macaronic verse is properly a system of Latin inflections joined to words +of a modern vernacular, such as English, French, German, &c.; some +writers, however, choose to disregard the strictness of this definition, +and consider everything macaronic which is written with the aid of more +than one language or dialect. Dr. Geddes (born 1737; died 1802), +considered one of the greatest of English macaronic writers, says: "It is +the characteristic of a Macaronic poem to be written in Latin hexameters; +but so as to admit occasionally vernacular words, either in their native +form, or with a Latin inflection--other licenses, too, are allowed in the +measure of the lines, contrary to the strict rules of prosody." Broad +enough reservations these, of which Dr. Geddes in his own works was not +slow in availing himself, and as will be seen in the specimens given, his +example has been well followed, for the strict rule that an English +macaronic should consist of the vernacular made classical with Latin +terminations has been as much honoured in the breach as in the observance. +Another characteristic in macaronics is that these poems recognise no law +in orthography, etymology, syntax, or prosody. The examples which here +follow are confined exclusively to those which have their basis, so to +speak, in the English language, and, with the exception of a few of the +earlier ones, the majority of the selections in this volume have their +origin in our own times. + +"The earliest collection of English Christmas carols supposed to have been +published," says Hone's "Every Day Book," "is only known from the last +leaf of a volume printed by Wynkyn Worde in 1521. There are two carols +upon it: 'A Carol of Huntynge' is reprinted in the last edition of Juliana +Berners' 'Boke of St. Alban's;' the other, 'A carol of bringing in the +Bore's Head,' is in Dibdin's edition of 'Ames,' with a copy of the carol +as it is now sung in Queen's College, Oxford, every Christmas Day." Dr. +Bliss of Oxford printed a few copies of this for private circulation, +together with Anthony Wood's version of it. The version subjoined is from +a collection imprinted at London, "in the Poultry, by Richard Kele, +dwelling at the long shop vnder Saynt Myldrede's Chyrche," about 1546: + +A CAROL BRINGING IN THE BORE'S HEAD. + + "Caput apri defero + Reddens laudes Domino. + The bore's heed in hande bring I, + With garlands gay and rosemary, + I pray you all synge merelye + Qui estis in convivio. + + The bore's heed I understande + Is the thefte service in this lande, + Take wherever it be fande, + Servite cum cantico. + Be gladde lordes both more and lasse, + For this hath ordeyned our stewarde, + To cheere you all this Christmasse, + The bore's heed with mustarde. + Caput apri defero + Reddens laudes Domino." + +Another version of the last verse is: + + "Our steward hath provided this + In honour of the King of Bliss: + Which on this clay to be served is, + In Regimensi Atrio. + Caput apri defero + Reddens laudes Domino." + +Skelton, who was the poet-laureate about the end of the fifteenth century, +has in his "Boke of Colin Clout," and also in that of "Philip Sparrow," +much macaronic verse, as in "Colin Clout," when he is speaking of the +priests of those days, he says: + + "Of suche vagabundus + Speaking totus mundus, + How some syng let abundus, + At euerye ale stake + With welcome hake and make, + By the bread that God brake, + I am sory for your sake. + I speake not of the god wife + But of their apostles lyfe, + Cum ipsis vel illis + Qui manent in villis + Est uxor vel ancilla, + Welcome Jacke and Gilla, + My prety Petronylla, + An you wil be stilla + You shall haue your willa, + Of such pater noster pekes + All the world speakes," &c. + +In Harsnett's "Detection" are some curious lines, being a curse for "the +miller's eeles that were stolne": + + "All you that stolne the miller's eeles, + Laudate dominum de coelis, + And all they that have consented thereto, + Benedicamus domino." + +In "Literary Frivolities" there was a notice of and quotation from +Ruggles' _jeu d'esprit_ of "Ignoramus," and here follows a short scene +from this play, containing a humorous burlesque of the old Norman +Law-Latin, in which the elder brethren of the legal profession used to +plead, and in which the old Reporters come down to the Bar of to-day--if, +indeed, that venerable absurdity can be caricatured. It would be rather +difficult to burlesque a system that provided for a writ _de pipâ vini +carriandâ_--that is, "for negligently carrying a pipe of wine!" + +IGNORAMUS. + + ACTUS I.--SCENA III. + + ARGUMENTUM. + + IGNORAMUS, clericis suis vocatis DULMAN & PECUS, amorem suum erga + ROSABELLAM narrat, irredetque MUSÆUM quasi hominem academicum. + + _Intrant_ IGNORAMUS, DULMAN, PECUS, MUSÆUS. + + _Igno._ Phi, phi: tanta pressa, tantum croudum, ut fui pene trusus ad + mortem. Habebo actionem de intrusione contra omnes et singulos. Aha + Mounsieurs, voulez voz intruder par joint tenant? il est playne case, + il est point droite de le bien seance. O valde caleor: O chaud, chaud, + chaud: precor Deum non meltavi meum pingue. Phi, phi. In nomine Dei, + ubi sunt clerici mei jam? Dulman, Dulman. + + _Dul._ Hìc, Magister Ignoramus, vous avez Dulman. + + _Igno._ Meltor, Dulman, meltor. Rubba me cum towallio, rubba. Ubi est + Pecus? + + _Pec._ Hìc, Sir. + + _Igno._ Fac ventum, Pecus. Ita, sic, sic. Ubi est Fledwit? + + _Dul._ Non est inventus. + + _Igno._ Ponite nunc chlamydes vestras super me, ne capiam frigus. Sic, + sic. Ainsi, bien faict. Inter omnes poenas meas, valde lætor, et + gaudeo nunc, quod feci bonum aggreamentum, inter Anglos nostros: + aggreamentum, quasi aggregatio mentium. Super inde cras hoysabimus + vela, et retornabimus iterum erga Londinum: tempus est, nam huc + venimus Octabis Hillarii, et nunc fere est Quindena Pasche. + + _Dul._ Juro, magister, titillasti punctum legis hodie. + + _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! Puto titillabam. Si le nom del granteur, ou granté + soit rased, ou interlined en faict pol, le faict est grandement + suspicious. + + _Dul._ Et nient obstant, si faict pol, &c., &c. Oh illud etiam in + Covin. + + _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! + + _Pec._ At id, de un faict pendu en le smoak, nunquam audivi titillatum + melius. + + _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! Quid tu dicis, Musæe? + + _Mus._ Equidem ego parum intellexi. + + _Igno._ Tu es gallicrista, vocatus a coxcomb; nunquam faciam te + Legistam. + + _Dul._ Nunquam, nunquam; nam ille fuit Universitans. + + _Igno._ Sunt magni idiotæ, et clerici nihilorum, isti Universitantes: + miror quomodo spendisti tuum tempus inter eos. + + _Mus._ Ut plurimum versatus sum in Logicâ. + + _Igno._ Logica? Quæ villa, quod burgum est Logica? + + _Mus._ Est una artium liberalium. + + _Igno._ Liberalium? Sic putabam. In nomine Dei, stude artes parcas et + lucrosas: non est mundus pro artibus liberalibus jam. + + _Mus._ Deditus etiam fui amori Philosophiæ. + + _Igno._ Amori? Quid! Es pro bagaschiis et strumpetis? Si custodis + malam regulam, non es pro me, sursum reddam te in manus parentum + iterum. + + _Mus._ Dii faxint. + + _Igno._ Quota est clocka nunc? + + _Dul._ Est inter octo et nina. + + _Igno._ Inter octo et nina? Ite igitur ad mansorium nostrum cum baggis + et rotulis.--Quid id est? videam hoc instrumentum; mane petit, dum + calceo spectacula super nasum. O ho, ho, scio jam. Hæc indentura, + facta, &c., inter Rogerum Rattledoke de Caxton in comitatu Brecknocke, + &c. O ho, Richard Fen, John Den. O ho, Proud Buzzard, plaintiff, + adversus Peakegoose, defendant. O ho, vide hic est defalta literæ; + emenda, emenda; nam in nostra lege una comma evertit totum Placitum. + Ite jam, copiato tu hoc, tu hoc ingrossa, tu Universitans trussato + sumptoriam pro jorneâ. + + [_Exeunt Clerici._ + + IGNORAMUS _solus_. + + Hi, ho! Rosabella, hi ho! Ego nunc eo ad Veneris curiam letam, tentam + hic apud Torcol: Vicecomes ejus Cupido nunquam cessavit, donec invenit + me in balivâ suâ: Primum cum amabam Rosabellam nisi parvum, misit + parvum Cape, tum magnum Cape, et post, alias Capias et pluries Capias, + & Capias infinitas; & sic misit tot Capias, ut tandem capavit me ut + legatum ex omni sensu et ratione meâ. Ita sum sicut musca sine caput; + buzzo & turno circumcirca, et nescio quid facio. Cum scribo + instrumentum, si femina nominatur, scribo Rosabellam; pro Corpus cum + causâ, corpus cum caudâ; pro Noverint universi, Amaverint universi; + pro habere ad rectum, habere ad lectum; et sic vasto totum + instrumentum. Hei, ho! ho, hei, ho! + +The following song by O'Keefe, is a mixture of English, Latin, and +nonsense: + + "Amo, amas, + I love a lass, + As cedar tall and slender; + Sweet cowslip's grace + Is her nominative case, + And she's of the feminine gender. + + _Chorus._ + + Rorum, corum, sunt di-vorum, + Harum, scarum, divo; + Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hatband, + Hic, hoc, horum genitivo. + + Can I decline a nymph so divine? + Her voice like a flute is dulcis; + Her oculus bright, her manus white + And soft, when I tacto her pulse is. + _Chorus._ + + O how bella, my puella + I'll kiss in secula seculorum; + If I've luck, sir, she's my uxor, + O dies benedictorum." + _Chorus._ + +Of the many specimens written by the witty and versatile Dr. Maginn we +select this one + +THE SECOND EPODE OF HORACE. + + "Blest man, who far from busy hum, + Ut prisca gens mortalium, + Whistles his team afield with glee + Solutus omni fenore; + He lives in peace, from battles free, + Neq' horret irratúm mare; + And shuns the forum, and the gay + Potentiorum limina, + Therefore to vines of purple gloss + Atlas maritat populos. + Or pruning off the boughs unfit + Feliciores inserit; + Or, in a distant vale at ease + Prospectat errantes greges; + Or honey into jars conveys + Aut tondet infirmas oves. + When his head decked with apples sweet + Auctumnus agris extulit, + At plucking pears he's quite _au fait_ + Certant, et uvam purpuræ. + Some for Priapus, for thee some + Sylvare, tutor finium! + Beneath an oak 'tis sweet to be + Mod' in tenaci gramine: + The streamlet winds in flowing maze + Queruntur in silvis aves; + The fount in dulcet murmur plays + Somnos quod invitet leves. + But when winter comes, (and that + Imbres nivesque comparat,) + With dogs he forces oft to pass + Apros in obstantes plagas; + Or spreads his nets so thick and close + Turdis edacibus dolos; + Or hares, or cranes, from far away + Jucunda captat præmia: + The wooer, love's unhappy stir, + Hæc inter obliviscitur, + His wife can manage without loss + Domum et parvos liberos; + (Suppose her Sabine, or the dry + Pernicis uxor Appali,) + Who piles the sacred hearthstone high + Lassi sub adventúm viri, + And from his ewes, penned lest they stray, + Distenta siccet ubera; + And this year's wine disposed to get + Dapes inemtas apparet. + Oysters to me no joys supply, + Magisve rhombus, aut scari, + (If when the east winds boisterous be + Hiems ad hoc vertat mare;) + Your Turkey pout is not to us, + Non attagen Ionicus, + So sweet as what we pick at home + Oliva ramis arborum! + Or sorrel, which the meads supply, + Malvæ salubres corpori-- + Or lamb, slain at a festal show + Vel hædus ereptus lupo. + Feasting, 'tis sweet the creature's dumb, + Videre prop'rantes domum, + Or oxen with the ploughshare go, + Collo trahentes languido; + And all the slaves stretched out at ease, + Circum renidentes Lares! + Alphius the usurer, babbled thus, + Jam jam futurus rusticus, + Called in his cast on th' Ides--but he + Quærit Kalendis ponere!" + +There is a little bit by Barham ("Ingoldsby Legends") which is worthy of +insertion: + + "What Horace says is + Eheu fugaces + Anni labuntur, Postume! Postume! + Years glide away and are lost to me--lost to me! + Now when the folks in the dance sport their merry toes, + Taglionis and Ellslers, Duvernays and Ceritos, + Sighing, I murmured, 'O mihi pretæritos!'" + +The following bright _carmen Macaronicum_ appeared in an American +periodical in 1873: + +REX MIDAS. + + "Vivit a rex in Persia land, + A potens rex was he; + Suum imperium did extend + O'er terra and o'er sea. + + Rex Midas habuit multum gold, + Tamen he wanted plus; + 'Non satis est,' his constant cry-- + Ergo introit fuss. + + Silenus was inebrius,-- + Id est, was slightly tight, + As he went vagus through the urbs, + It was a tristis sight. + + Rex Midas equitavit past + On suum dromedary, + Vidit Silenus on his spree, + Sic lætus et sic merry. + + His costume was a wreath of leaves, + And those were multum battered; + Urchins had stoned him, and the ground + Cum lachrymis was scattered. + + Rex Midas picked hunc senem up, + And put him on his pony, + Et bore him ad castellum grand + Quod cost him multum money. + + Dedit Silenum mollem care: + Cum Bacchus found his ubi + Promisit Midas quod he asked. + Rex Midas fuit--booby. + + For aurum was his gaudium, + Rogavit he the favour + Ut quid he touched might turn to gold; + Ab this he'd nunquam never. + + Carpsit arose to try the charm, + Et in eodem minute + It mutat into flavum gold, + Ridet as spectat in it. + + His filia rushed to meet her sire, + He osculavit kindly; + She lente stiffened into gold-- + Vidit he'd acted blindly. + + Spectavit on her golden form, + And in his brachia caught her: + 'Heu me! sed tamen breakfast waits, + My daughter, oh! my daughter!' + + Venit ad suum dining-hall, + Et coffeam gustavit, + Liquatum gold his fauces burned,-- + Loud he vociferavit: + + 'Triste erat amittere + My solam filiam true, + Pejus to lose my pabulam. + Eheu! Eheu!! Eheu!!!' + + Big lachrymæ bedewed his cheeks-- + 'O potens Bacchus lazy, + Prende ab me the power you gave, + Futurum, ut I'll praise thee.' + + Benignus Bacchus audiens groans, + Misertus est our hero; + Dixit ut the Pactolian waves + Ab hoc would cleanse him--vero. + + Infelix rex was felix then, + Et cum hilarious grin, + Ruit unto the river's bank, + Et fortis plunged in. + + The nefas power was washed away; + Sed even at this hour + Pactolus' sands are tinged with gold, + Testes of Bacchus' power. + + A tristis sed a sapiens vir + Rex Midas fuit then; + Et gratus to good Bacchus said, + 'Non feram sic again.' + + Hæc fable docet, plain to see, + Quamquam the notion's old, + Hoc verum est, ut girls and grub + Much melior sunt than gold." + +The following well-known lines are from the "Comic Latin Grammar," a +remarkably clever and curious work, full of quaint illustrations: + + "Patres conscripti--took a boat and went to Philippi. + Trumpeter unus erat qui coatum scarlet habebat, + Stormum surgebat, et boatum overset--ebat, + Omnes drownerunt, quia swimaway non potuerunt, + Excipe John Periwig tied up to the tail of a dead pig." + +A TREATISE ON WINE. + + "The best tree, if ye take intent, + Inter ligna fructifera, + Is the vine tree by good argument, + Dulcia ferens pondera. + + Saint Luke saith in his Gospel, + Arbor fructu noscitur, + The vine beareth wine as I you tell, + Hinc aliis præponitur. + + The first that planted the vineyard + Manet in coelio gaudio, + His name was Noe, as I am learned + Genesis testimonio. + + God gave unto him knowledge and wit, + A quo procedunt omnia, + First of the grape wine for to get + Propter magna mysteria. + + The first miracle that Jesus did, + Erat in vino rubeo, + In Cana of Galilee it betide + Testante Evangelio. + + He changed water into wine + Aquæ rubescunt hydriæ, + And bade give it to Archetcline, + Ut gustet tunc primarie. + + Like as the rose exceedeth all flowers, + Inter cuncta florigera, + So doth wine all other liquors, + Dans multa salutifera. + + David, the prophet, saith that wine + Lætificat cor hominis, + It maketh men merry if it be fine, + Est ergo digni nominis. + + It nourisheth age if it be good, + Facit ut esset juvenis, + It gendereth in us gentle blood, + Nam venas purgat sanguinis. + + By all these causes, ye should think + Quæ sunt rationabiles, + That good wine should be the best of drink, + Inter potus potabiles. + + Wine drinkers all, with great honour, + Semper laudate Dominum, + The which sendeth the good liquor + Propter salutem hominum. + + Plenty to all that love good wine + Donet Deus larguis, + And bring them some when they go hence, + Ubi non sitient amplius." + --_Richard Hilles_ (1535). + +The two which follow are identical in theme, and show that the wags and +wits of about thirty years ago were busy poking their fun at what was then +their latest sensation, much as they do now. They both treat of the +Sea-serpent; the first being from an American source: + +THE SEA-SERPENT. + + "Sed tempus necessit, and this was all over, + Cum illi successit another gay rover, + Nam cum navigaret, in his own cutter + Portentum apparet, which made them all flutter. + + Est horridus anguis which they behold; + Haud dubio sanguis within them ran cold; + Trigenta pedes his head was upraised + Et corporis sedes in secret was placed. + + Sic serpens manebat, so says the same joker, + Et sese ferebat as stiff as a poker; + Tergum fricabat against the old lighthouse; + Et sese liberabat of scaly detritus. + + Tunc plumbo percussit, thinking he hath him, + At serpens exsiluit full thirty fathom; + Exsiluit mare with pain and affright, + Conatus abnare as fast as he might. + + Neque illi secuti--no, nothing so rash, + Terrore sunt multi, he'd make such a splash, + Sed nunc adierunt, the place to inspect, + Et squamus viderunt, the which they collect. + + Quicunque non credat aut doubtfully rails + Ad locum accedat, they'll show him the scales, + Quas, sola trophæa, they brought to the shore,-- + Et causa est ea they couldn't get more." + +THE DEATH OF THE SEA-SERPENT. + +BY PUBLIUS JONATHAN VIRGILIUS JEFFERSON SMITH. + + "Arma virumque cano, qui first in Monongahela + Tarnally squampushed the sarpent, mittens horrentia tella, + Musa, look sharp with your banjo! I guess to relate this event, I + Shall need all the aid you can give; so nunc aspirate canenti. + Mighty slick were the vessels progressing, jactata per æquora ventis, + But the brow of the skipper was sad, cum solicitudine mentis; + For whales had been scarce in those parts, and the skipper, so long as + he'd known her, + Ne'er had gathered less oil in a cruise to gladden the heart of her + owner. + 'Darn the whales,' cried the skipper at length, with a telescope forte + videbo + Aut pisces, aut terras. While speaking, just two or three points on the + lee bow, + He saw coming toward them as fast as though to a combat 'twould tempt + 'em, + A monstrum horrendum informe (qui lumen was shortly ademptum), + On the taffrail up jumps in a hurry, dux fortis, and seizing a trumpet, + Blows a blast that would waken the dead, mare turbat et æra rumpit-- + 'Tumble up, all you lubbers,' he cries, 'tumble up, for careering before + us + Is the real old sea-sarpent himself, cristis maculisque decorus.' + 'Consarn it,' cried one of the sailors, 'if e'er we provoke him he'll + kill us, + He'll certainly chaw up hos morsu, et longis, implexibus illos.' + Loud laughs the bold skipper, and quick premit alto corde dolorem; + (If he does feel like running, he knows it won't do to betray it before + 'em.) + 'O socii,' inquit. 'I'm sartin you're not the fellers to funk, or + Shrink from the durem certamen, whose fathers fit bravely at Bunker; + You, who have waged with the bears, and the buffalo, proelia dura, + Down to the freshets and licks of our own free enlightened Missourer; + You, who could whip your own weight, catulis sævis sine telo, + Get your eyes skinned in a twinkling, et ponite tela phæsello!' + Talia voce refert, curisque ingentibus æger, + Marshals his cute little band, now panting their foe to beleaguer. + Swiftly they lower the boats, and swiftly each man at the oar is, + Excipe Britanni timidi duo, virque coloris. + (Blackskin, you know, never feels how sweet 'tis pro patri mori; + Ovid had him in view when he said 'Nimium ne crede colori.') + Now swiftly they pull towards the monster, who seeing the cutter and gig + nigh, + Glares at them with terrible eyes, suffectis sanguine et igni, + And, never conceiving their chief will so quickly deal him a floorer, + Opens wide to receive them at once, his linguis vibrantibis ora; + But just as he's licking his lips, and gladly preparing to taste 'em, + Straight into his eyeball the skipper stridentem conjicit hastam. + Straight as he feels in his eyeball the lance, growing mightily sulky, + At 'em he comes in a rage, ora minax, lingua trusulca. + 'Starn all,' cry the sailors at once, for they think he has certainly + caught 'em, + Præsentemque viris intentant omnia mortem. + But the bold skipper exclaims, 'O terque quaterque beati! + Now with a will dare viam, when I want you, be only parati; + This hoss feels like raising his hair, and in spite of his scaly old + cortex, + Full soon you shall see that his corpse rapidus vorat æquore vortex.' + Hoc ait, and choosing a lance, 'With this one I think I shall hit it,' + He cries, and straight into his mouth, ad intima viscera millit, + Screeches the creature in pain, and writhes till the sea is commotum, + As if all its waves had been lashed in a tempest per Eurum et Notum. + Interea terrible shindy Neptunus sensit, et alto + Prospiciens sadly around, wiped his eye with the cuff of his paletôt; + And, mad at his favourite's fate, of oaths uttered one or two thousand, + Such as 'Corpo di Bacco! Mehercle! Sacre! Mille Tonnerres! Potztausend!' + But the skipper, who thought it was time to this terrible fight dare + finem, + With a scalping knife jumps on the neck of the snake secat et dextrâ + crinem, + And, hurling the scalp in the air, half mad with delight to possess it, + Shouts, 'Darn it--I've fixed up his flint, for in ventos vita recessit!'" + --_Punch._ + +ST. GEORGE ET HIS DRAGON. + + "Hæc fabulam's one of those stories, + Which the Italians say, 'ought to be true,' + Sed which modern wiseacres have scattered + Among les Illusions Perdus! + + St. George eques errans erat + Qui vibrat a seven-foot sword, + Und er würde eher be all up a tree, + Than be caught a-breaking his word. + + Assuetus au matin to ride out + Pour chercher quelquechose for to lick, + Cap à pie en harness--and to see him + Whack a rusticus pauvre was chic. + + Perequitat thousands of peasants, + Et mantled in armour complete-- + Cædat the whole huddle confestim + Et could make them ausgespielt. + + Si ce n'est que, sans doute, they were willing, + To get up and solemnly swear + That the very last Fraulein he'd seen was + La plus belle dans tout la terre. + + Ein Morgen he saw à le trottoir + Puella formosissima très + Implicans amplexus Draconæ, + So she couldn't get out of his way. + + The dragon--donc voilà le tableau! + Had eyes sanguine suffectis + Alæ comme les lutins in 'Paradise Lost,' + Et was, on the whole, insuavis. + + For Beauté miserable was there ever + Eques who would not do and die? + St. George his hastam projecit + Right into the dragon--his eye! + + Il coupe sa tête mit sein Schwert gut-- + Ses ailes, il coupe mit sein couteau + Il coupe sa queu mit his hache des arms, + Et la demoiselle let go. + + In genua procumbit the ladye, + Et dixit, 'You've saved my life-- + Pour toute ma vie I'm your'n,' said she, + 'I'm your regular little wife.' + + 'M'ami,' says he, 'I does these jobs + In jocum--get up from your knees, + Would you offer outright to requite a knight? + Mon garçon, _he_ takes the fees!'" + --_J. A. M._ + +THE POLKA. + + "Qui nunc dancere vult modo, + Wants to dance in the fashion, oh! + Discere debit ought to know, + Kickere floor cum heel and toe. + One, two, three + Come hop with me-- + Whirligig, twirligig, rapidee. + + Polkam, jungere, Virgo vis? + Will you join in the polka, miss? + Liberius, most willingly, + Sic agemus, then let us try. + Nunc vide, + Skip with me. + Whirlabout, roundabout, celere. + + Tum læva cito tum dextra, + First to the left, then t'other way; + Aspice retro in vultu, + You look at her, she looks at you. + Das palmam, + Change hands, ma'am, + Celere, run away, just in sham." + --_Gilbert Abbot A'Becket._ + +CLUBBIS NOSTER. + + "Sunt quidam jolly dogs, Saturday qui nocte frequentant, + Antiqui Stephanon, qui stat prope moenia Drury, + Where they called for saccos cum prog distendere bellies, + Indulgere jocis, nec non Baccho atque tobacco; + In mundo tales non fellows ante fuere + Magnanionam heroum celebrabe carmine laudeo, + Posthæ illustres ut vivant omne per ævum, + Altior en Stephano locus est, snug, cosy recessus, + Hic quarters fixere suos, conclave tenet hic, + Hic dapibus cumulata, hic mahogany mensa, + Pascuntur varies, roast beef cum pudding of Yorkshire, + Interdum, sometimes epulis quis nomen agrestes + Boiled leg of mutton and trimmings imposuere + Hic double X haurit, Barclay and Perkins ille. + Sic erimus drunki, Deel care! aras dat mendicinum + Nec desuit mixtis que sese polibus implent. + Quus 'offnoff' omnes consuescunt dicere waiters. + Postquam, exempta fames grubbo mappaque remota. + Pro cyathio clarmet, qui goes sermone vocantur. + Vulgari, of whiskey, rum, gin and brandy, sed ut sunt; + Coelicolumqui punch ('erroribus absque') liquore + Gaudent; et panci vino quod proebet Opporto, + Quod certi black-strap dicunt nicknomine Graii, + Haustibus his pipe, communis et adjiciuntur, + Shag, Reditus, Cubæ, Silvæ, Cheroots et Havanæ, + 'Festina viri,' bawls one, 'nunc ludito verbis,' + Alter 'Foemineum sexum' propinquat et 'Hurrah!' + Respondet pot house concessu plausibus omni. + Nunc similes, veteri versantur winky lepores + Omnibus exiguus nec. Jingoteste tumultus, + Exoritur quoniam summâ, nituntur opum vi + Rivales [Greek: halloi] top sawyers' [Greek: hemmenai hallôn], + Est genus injenui lusûs quod nomine Burking. + Notem est, vel Burko, qui claudere cuncta solebat + Ora olim, eloquio, pugili vel forsitan isto + Deaf un, vel Burko pueros qui Burxit ad illud, + Plausibus aut fictis joculatorem excipiendo, + Aut bothering aliquid referentem, constat amicum. + Hoc parvo excutitur multus conamine risus. + Nomina magnorum referebam nunc pauca viorum, + Marcus et Henricus Punchi duo lumina magna + (Whacks his Aristoteleam, Sophoclem, Brown wollopeth ille) + In clubbum adveniunt, Juvenalis et advenit acer + Qui veluti Paddywhack for love conlundit amicos; + Ingentesque animos non parvo in corpore versans + Tullius; et Matutini qui Sidus Heraldi est + Georgius; Albertus Magnus; vesterque poeta. + Præsidet his Nestor qui tempore vixit in annæ, + Credetur et vidisse Jophet, non youngster at ullos. + In chaff, audaci certamine, vinceret illum, + Ille jocus mollit dictis, et pectora mulcet, + Ni faciat tumblers, et goes, et pocula pewter, + Quippe Aliorum alii jactarent forsan in aures." + --_Punch._ + +LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. + + "You ask me to tell you the story + Of the terrible atra wood, + Of the Lupi diri, [Greek: mikro pai, + Kai] parvula Red Riding Hood. + + Patruus trux, he gave her + A deux larrons pravi; + Et dear little robins came and + Cut up cum the folii. + + And then he scandit Beanstalk, + And giant cædit tall + Et virgo grandis marri-ed + Et Rem is prodegit all! + + For, semble, une felis was left him-- + (Seulement, calamitas!) + Il emit chat zwei ocreæ + Et was Marquis de Carrabas! + + [Greek: Kai êen] de lady et Ursus + (You've heard this much, at least), + Et foemina on l'appèle Beauté, + And the Beast they called A Beast! + + Obdormivit, et amittit + Ses moutons and couldn't find 'em, + So she never did nothing whatever at all, + Et voila! cum caudis behind 'em! + + Comme des toutes les demoiselles charmantes + Illæ the only lass + Who could yank her foot nitide + Dans le pantoufle de glass! + + Et straw she nevit in auribus, + Et finally--child did win + De expiscere Arcanum name + Nami erat Rumplestiltzskin! + + [Greek: Trike oikade mikro pai]: + Ciel! c'est time you should! + Ad lectum to dream of the story + Of little Red Riding Hood!" + --_J. A. M._ + +"ICH BIN DEIN." + + "In tempus old a hero lived, + Qui loved puellas deux; + He ne pouvait pas quite to say + Which one amabat mieux. + + Dit-il lui-meme, un beau matin, + 'Non possum both avoir, + Sed si address Amanda Ann, + Then Kate and I have war. + + 'Amanda habet argent coin, + Sed Kate has aureas curls: + Et both sunt very [Greek: agatha], + Et quite formosa girls. + + Enfin, the youthful anthropos, + [Greek: Philoun] the duo maids, + Resolved proponere ad Kate + Devant cet evening's shades. + + Procedens then to Kate's domo, + Il trouve Amanda there; + [Greek: Kai] quite forgot his good resolves, + Both sunt so goodly fair. + + Sed, smiling on the new tapis, + Between puellas twain, + Coepit to tell his flame to Kate + Dans un poetique strain. + + Mais, glancing ever and anon + At fair Amanda's eyes, + Illæ non possunt dicere, + Pro which he meant his sighs. + + Each virgo heard the demi vow + With cheeks as rouge as wine, + And offering each a milk-white hand, + Both whispered, 'Ich bin dein!'" + +CONTENTI ABEAMUS. + + "Come, jocund friends, a bottle bring, + And push around the jorum; + We'll talk and laugh, and quaff and sing, + Nunc suavium amorum. + + While we are in a merry mood, + Come, sit down ad bibendum; + And if dull care should dare intrude, + We'll to the devil send him. + + A moping elf I can't endure + While I have ready rhino; + And all life's pleasures centre still + In venere ac vino. + + Be merry then, my friends, I pray, + And pass your time in joco, + For it is pleasant, as they say, + Desipere in loco. + + He that loves not a young lass, + Is sure an arrant stultus, + And he that will not take a glass + Deserves to be sepultus. + + Pleasure, music, love and wine, + Res valde sunt jocundæ, + And pretty maidens look divine, + Provided ut sunt mundæ. + + I hate a snarling, surly fool, + Qui latrat sicut canis, + Who mopes and ever eats by rule, + Drinks water and eats panis. + + Give me the man that's always free, + Qui finit molli more, + The cares of life, whate'er they be, + Whose motto still is 'Spero.' + + Death will turn us soon from hence, + Nigerrimas ad sedes; + And all our lands and all our pence + Ditabunt tunc heredes. + + Why should we then forbear to sport? + Dum vivamus, vivamus, + And when the Fates shall cut us down, + Contenti abeamus." + +DE LEGULEIO. + + "Jurisconsultus juvenis solus, + Sat scanning his tenuem docket-- + Volo, quoth he, some bonus Æolus + Inspiret fees to my pocket. + + He seized in manua sinistra ejus + A tome of Noy, or Fortescue; + Here's a case, said he, terrible tedious-- + Fortuna veni to my rescue! + + Lex scripta's nought but legal diluvium, + Defluxum streams of past ages, + And lawyers sit like ducks in a pluvium, + Under Law's reigning adages. + + Lex non scripta's good for consciences tender, + Persequi the light internal; + Sed homines sæpius homage render + Ad lucem that burns infernal. + + Effodi the said diluvium over, + As do all legal beginners, + Et crede vivere hence in clover, + That's sown by quarrelsome sinners. + + Some think the law esse hum scarabeum, + And lawyers a useless evil, + And Statute claim of tuum and meum + Is but a device of the devil; + + Sed pravi homines sunt so thick that, + Without restrictio legis, + Esset crime plusquam one could shake stick at, + By order diaboli regis. + + Et good men, rari gurgite vasto, + Are digni the law's assistance, + Defendere se, et aid them so as to + Keep nefas et vim at a distance. + + The lawyer's his client's rights' defender, + And bound laborare astute, + Videre that quæquæ res agenda + Dignitate et virtute. + + Sed ecce! a case exactly ad punctum-- + Id scribam, ante forget it, + Negotium illud nunc perfunctum, + Feliciter, I have met it. + + He thrust out dextræ digitos manus, + His pennam ad ink ille dedit; + Et scripsit,--but any homo sanus + Would be nonsuit ere he could read it." + --_A. B. Ely._ + +CHANSON WITHOUT MUSIC. + +BY THE PROFESSOR EMERITUS OF DEAD AND LIVING LANGUAGES. + + "You bid me sing--can I forget + The classic odes of days gone by-- + How belle Fifine and jeune Lisette + Exclaimed, 'Anacreon [Greek: gerôn ei]?' + 'Regardez donc,' those ladies said-- + 'You're getting bald and wrinkled too: + When Summer's roses are all shed, + Love's nullum ite, voyez vous!' + + In vain ce brave Anacreon's cry, + 'Of love alone my banjo sings' + ([Greek: Erôta mounon]). 'Etiam si,-- + Eh bien?' replied those saucy things-- + 'Go find a maid whose hair is grey, + And strike your lyre--we shan't complain; + But parce nobis, s'il vous plait,-- + Voila Adolphe! Voila Eugene!' + + Ah, jeune Lisette! ah, belle Fifine! + Anacreon's lesson all must learn: + [Greek: Ho kairos Oxus]; Spring is green, + But acer Hiems waits his turn! + I hear you whispering from the dust, + 'Tiens, mon cher, c'est toujours so,-- + The brightest blade grows dim with rust, + The fairest meadow white with snow!' + + You do not mean it? Not encore? + Another string of play-day rhymes? + You've heard me--nonne est?--before, + Multoties,--more than twenty times; + Non possum--vraiment--pas du tout, + I cannot, I am loath to shirk; + But who will listen if I do, + My memory makes such shocking work? + + [Greek: Gignôskô]. Scio. Yes, I'm told + Some ancients like my rusty lay, + As Grandpa Noah loved the old + Red-sandstone march of Jubal's day. + I used to carol like the birds, + But time my wits have quite unfixed, + Et quoad verba--for my words-- + Ciel!--Eheu!--Whe-ew! how they're mixed! + + Mehercle! [Greek: Zeu]. Diable! how + My thoughts were dressed when I was young. + But tempus fugit--see them now + Half clad in rags of every tongue! + [Greek: O Philoi], fratres, chers amis! + I dare not court the youthful muse, + For fear her sharp response should be-- + 'Papa Anacreon, please excuse!' + + Adieu! I've trod my annual track + How long!--let others count the miles-- + And peddled out my rhyming pack + To friends who always paid in smiles; + So laissez moi! some youthful wit + No doubt has wares he wants to show, + And I am asking 'let me sit' + Dum ille clamat "[Greek: Dos pou stô]." + --_Dr. Holmes, Atlantic Monthly, Nov. 1867._ + +During the late American Civil War, Slidell and Mason, two of the +Confederate Commissioners, were taken by an admiral of the U.S. navy from +a British ship, and this came near causing an issue between the two +countries. Seward was the American premier at the time. This is that +affair done up in a macaronic: + +SLIDELL AND MASON. + + "Slidell, qui est Rerum cantor + Publicarum, atque Lincoln. + Vir excelsior, mitigantur-- + A delightful thing to think on! + + Blatant plebs Americanum, + Quite impossible to bridle, + Nihil refert, navis cana + Bring back Mason atque Slidell. + + Scribat nunc amoene Russell; + Lætus lapis claudit fiscum, + Nunc finiter all this bustle-- + Slidell--Mason--Pax vobiscum!" + +A VALENTINE. + + "Geist und sinn mich beutzen über + Vous zu dire das ich sie liebé? + Das herz que vous so lightly spurn + To you und sie allein will turn + Unbarmherzig--pourquoir scorn + Mon coeur with love and anguish torn; + Croyez vous das my despair + Votre bonheur can swell or faire? + Schönheit kann nicht cruel sein + Mefris ist kein macht divine, + Then, oh then, it can't be thine. + Glaube das mine love is true, + Changeless, deep wie Himmel's blue-- + Que l'amour that now I swear, + Zue dir ewigkeit I'll bear + Glaube das de gentle rays, + Born and nourished in thy gaze, + Sur mon coeur will ever dwell + Comme à l'instant when they fell-- + Mechante! that you know full well." + +VERY FELIS-ITOUS. + + "Felis sedit by a hole, + Intente she, cum omni soul, + Predere rats. + Mice cucurrerunt trans the floor, + In numero duo tres or more, + Obliti cats. + + Felis saw them oculis, + 'I'll have them,' inquit she, 'I guess, + Dum ludunt.' + Tunc illa crepit toward the group, + 'Habeam,' dixit, 'good rat soup-- + Pingues sunt.' + + Mice continued all ludere, + Intenti they in ludum vere, + Gaudeuter. + Tunc rushed the felis into them, + Et tore them omnes limb from limb, + Violenter. + + MORAL. + + Mures omnes, nunc be shy, + Et aurem præbe mihi-- + Benigne: + Sic hoc satis--"verbum sat," + Avoid a whopping Thomas cat + Studiose." + --_Green Kendrick._ + +CE MEME VIEUX COON. + + "Ce meme vieux coon n'est pas quite mort, + Il n'est pas seulement napping: + Je pense, myself, unless j'ai tort + Cette chose est yet to happen. + + En dix huit forty-four, je sais, + Vous'll hear des curious noises; + He'll whet ces dents against some Clay, + Et scare des Loco--Bois-es! + + You know que quand il est awake, + Et quand il scratch ces clawses, + Les Locos dans leurs souliers shake, + Et, sheepish, hang leurs jaws-es. + + Ce meme vieux coon, je ne sais pas why, + Le mischief's come across him, + Il fait believe he's going to die, + Quand seulement playing possum. + + Mais wait till nous le want encore, + Nous'll stir him with une pole; + He'll bite as mauvais as before + Nous pulled him de son hole!" + --_Relic of Henry Clay Campaign of 1844._ + +MALUM OPUS. + + "Prope ripam fluvii solus + A senex silently sat; + Super capitem ecce his wig, + Et wig super, ecce his hat. + + Blew Zephyrus alte, acerbus, + Dum elderly gentleman sat; + Et a capite took up quite torve + Et in rivum projecit his hat. + + Tunc soft maledixit the old man, + Tunc stooped from the bank where he sat, + Et cum scipio poked in the water, + Conatus servare his hat. + + Blew Zephyrus alte, acerbus, + The moment it saw him at that; + Et whisked his novum scratch wig + In flumen, along with his hat. + + Ab imo pectore damnavit + In coeruleus eye dolor sat; + Tunc despairingly threw in his cane + Nare cum his wig and his hat. + + L'ENVOI. + + Contra bonos mores, don't swear, + It est wicked, you know (verbum sat), + Si this tale habet no other moral, + Mehercle! you're gratus to that!" + --_J. A. M._ + +CARMEN AD TERRY. + +(WRITTEN WHILE GENERAL TERRY, U.S.A., WITH HIS BLACK SOLDIERS, WAS IN +COMMAND AT RICHMOND, VIRGINIA, AFTER ITS EVACUATION BY THE CONFEDERATE +TROOPS.) + + "Terry, leave us, sumus weary: + Jam nos tædet te videre, + Si vis nos with joy implere, + Terry in hac terra tarry, + Diem nary. + + For thy domum long'st thou nonne? + Habes wife et filios bonny? + Socios Afros magis ton-y? + Haste thee, Terry, mili-terry, + Pedem ferre. + + Forte Thaddeus may desire thee, + Sumner, et id. om., admire thee, + Nuisance nobis, not to ire thee, + We can spare thee, magne Terry, + Freely, very. + + Hear the Prex's proclamation, + Nos fideles to the nation, + Gone est nunc thy place and station + Terry-sier momen-terry + Sine query. + + Yes, thy doom est scriptum--'Mene,' + Longer ne nos naso tene, + Thou hast dogged us, diu bene, + Loose us, terrible bull terry-er, + We'll be merrier. + + But the dulces Afros, vale, + Pompey, Scipio et Sally, + Seek some back New Haven alley, + Terry, quit this territory + Con amore. + + Sed verbum titi, abituro, + Pay thy rent-bills, et conjuro, + Tecum take thy precious bureau + Terry, Turner, blue-coat hom'nes + Abhinc omnes!" + --_Horace Milton._ + +LYDIA GREEN. + + "In Republican Jersey, + There nunquam was seen + Puella pulchrior, + Ac Lydia Green; + Fascinans quam bellis + Vel lilium, et id., + Et Jacobus Brown + Was 'ladles'[7] on Lyd. + + Ad Jacobum Brown + Semel Lydia, loquitur: + 'Si fidem violaris, + I'd lay down and die, sir.' + 'Si my Lydia dear + I should ever forget'-- + Tum respondit: 'I hope + To be roasted and ate.' + + Sed, though Jacob had sworn + Pro aris et focis, + He went off and left Lydia + Deserta, lachrymosis. + In lachrymis solvis + She sobbed and she sighed; + And at last, corde fracta, + Turned over and died. + + Tunc Jacobus Brown, + Se expedire pains + That gnawed his chords cordis, + Went out on the plains, + And quum he got there. + [Greek: Oi Barbaroi] met him, + Accenderunt ignem + Et roasted et ate him." + --_J. A. M._ + +AM RHEIN. + + "Oh the Rhine, the Rhine, the Rhine-- + Comme c'est beau! wie schön, che bello! + He who quaffs thy Lust and Wein, + Morbleu! is a lucky fellow. + + How I love thy rushing streams, + Groves and ash and birch and hazel, + From Schaffhausen's rainbow beams + Jusqu'à l'echo d'Oberwesel! + + Oh, que j'aime thy Brüchen, when + The crammed Dampfschiff gaily passes! + Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, + And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses! + + Oh! que j'aime the 'oui,' the 'bah!' + From the motley crowd that flow, + With the universal 'ja,' + And the Allgemeine 'so!'" + +"SERVE-UM-RIGHT." + + "'Eh! dancez-vous?' dixit Mein Herr. + 'Oui, oui!' the charming maid replied: + Vidit ille at once the snare, + Looked downas quick, et etiam sighed. + + Das Mädchen knew each bona art + Stat ludicrans superba sweet; + Simplex homo perdit his heart + Declares eros ad ejus feet. + + 'Mein Liebchen,' here exclaims de Herr, + 'Lux of mein life, ein rayum shed, + Dein oscula let amor share, + Si non, alas! meum be dead.' + + Ludit das girlus gaily then, + Cum scorna much upon her lip: + Quid stultuses sunt all you men, + Funus to give you omnes slip. + + Mein Herr uprose cum dignas now, + Et melius et wiser man, + Der nubis paina on his brow, + To his dark domus cito ran. + + Nunc omnes you qui eager hear + Meas tell of cette falsa maid, + Of fascinatus girl beware + Lest votre folly sic be paid." + +TO A FRIEND AT PARTING. + + "I often wished I had a friend, + Dem ich mich anvertraun Könnt, + A friend in whom I could confide, + Der mit mir theilte Freud und Leid; + Had I the riches of Girard-- + Ich theilte mit ihm Haus und Heerd: + For what is gold? 'Tis but a passing metal, + Der Henker hol' für mich den ganzen Bettel. + Could I purchase the world to live in it alone, + Ich gäb', däfur nich eine noble Bohn'; + I thought one time in you I'd find that friend, + Und glaubte schon mein Sehnen hät ein End; + Alas! your friendship lasted but in sight, + Doch meine grenzet an die Ewigkeit." + +AD PROFESSOREM LINGUÆ GERMANICÆ. + + "Oh why now sprechen Sie Deutsch? + What pleasure say can Sie haben? + You cannot imagine how much + You bother unfortunate Knaben. + + Liebster Freund! give bessere work, + Nicht so hard, ein kurtzerer lesson, + Oh then we will nicht try to shirk + Und unser will geben Sie blessin'. + + Oh, ask us nicht now to decline + 'Meines Bruders grössere Häuser;' + 'Die Fasser' of 'alt rother Wein' + Can give us no possible joy, sir. + + Der Müller may tragen ein Rock + Eat schwartz Brod und dem Käsè, + Die Gans may be hängen on hoch, + But what can it matter to me, sir? + + Return zu Ihr own native tongue, + Leave Dutch und Sauer Kraut to the Dutchmen; + And seek not to teach to the young + The Sprache belonging to such men. + + Und now 'tis my solemn belief + That if you nicht grant this petition, + Sie must schreiben mein Vater ein Brief, + To say that ich hab' ein Condition.'" + --_Yale Courant._ + +POME OF A POSSUM. + + "The nox was lit by lux of Luna, + And 'twas nox most opportuna + To catch a possum or a coona; + For nix was scattered o'er this mundus, + A shallow nix, et non profundus. + On sic a nox with canis unus, + Two boys went out to hunt for coonus. + Unis canis, duo puer, + Nunquam braver, nunquam truer, + Quam hoc trio unquam fuit, + If there was I never knew it. + The corpus of this bonus canis, + Was full as long as octo span is, + But brevior legs had canis never + Quam had hic dog; et bonus clever + Some used to say, in stultum jocum, + Quod a field was too small locum + For sic a dog to make a turnus + Circum self from stem to sternus. + This bonus dog had one bad habit, + Amabat much to tree a rabbit-- + Amabat plus to chase a rattus, + Amabat bene tree a cattus. + But on this nixy moonlight night, + This old canis did just right. + Nunquam treed a starving rattus, + Nunquam chased a starving cattus, + But cucurrit on, intentus + On the track and on the scentus, + Till he treed a possum strongum, + In a hollow trunkum longum; + Loud he barked, in horrid bellum, + Seemed on terra venit pellum; + Quickly ran the duo puer, + Mors of possum to secure; + Quum venerit, one began + To chop away like quisque man; + Soon the axe went through the truncum, + Soon he hit it all kerchunkum; + Combat deepens; on ye braves! + Canis, pueri et staves; + As his powers non longuis tarry, + Possum potest non pugnare, + On the nix his corpus lieth, + Down to Hades spirit flieth, + Joyful pueri, canis bonus, + Think him dead as any stonus. + Now they seek their pater's domo, + Feeling proud as any homo, + Knowing, certe, they will blossom + Into heroes, when with possum + They arrive, narrabunt story, + Plenus blood et plenior glory. + Pompey, David, Samson, Cæsar, + Cyrus, Blackhawk, Shalmaneser! + Tell me where est now the gloria, + Where the honours of Victoria? + Quum ad domum narrent story, + Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory. + Pater praiseth, likewise mater, + Wonders greatly younger frater. + Possum leave they on the mundus, + Go themselves to sleep profundus, + Somniunt possums slain in battle, + Strong as ursæ, large as cattle. + + When nox gives way to lux of morning-- + Albam terram much adorning,-- + Up they jump to see the varmen, + Of the which this is the carmen. + Lo! possum est resurrectum! + Ecce pueri dejectum. + Ne relinquit track behind him, + Et the pueri never find him. + Cruel possum! bestia vilest, + How the pueros thou beguilest; + Pueri think non plus of Cæsar, + Go ad Orcum, Shalmaneser, + Take your laurels, cum the honour, + Since ista possum is a goner!" + +The following "Society Verses" of Mortimer Collins are given here by way +of introducing an imitation of them in macaronic verse: + +AD CHLOEN, M.A. + +(FRESH FROM HER CAMBRIDGE EXAMINATION.) + + "Lady, very fair are you, + And your eyes are very blue, + And your nose; + And your brow is like the snow; + And the various things you know + Goodness knows. + And the rose-flush on your cheek, + And your Algebra and Greek + Perfect are; + And that loving lustrous eye + Recognises in the sky + Every star. + You have pouting, piquant lips, + You can doubtless an eclipse + Calculate; + But for your cerulean hue, + I had certainly from you + Met my fate. + If by an arrangement dual + I were Adams mixed with Whewell, + The same day + I, as wooer, perhaps may come + To so sweet an Artium + Magistra." + +TO THE FAIR "COME-OUTER." + + "Lady! formosissima tu! + Cæruleis oculis have you, + Ditto nose! + Et vous n'avez pas une faute-- + And that you are going to vote, + Goodness knows! + + And the roseus on your cheek, + And your Algebra and Greek, + Are parfait! + And your jactus oculi + Knows each star that shines in the + Milky Way! + + You have pouting, piquant lips, + Sans doute vous pouvez an eclipse + Calculate! + Ne cærulum colorantur, + I should have in you, instanter, + Met my fate! + + Si, by some arrangement dual, + I at once were Kant and Whewell; + It would pay-- + Procus noti then to come + To so sweet an Artium + Magistra! + + Or, Jewel of Consistency, + Si possem clear-starch, cookere, + Votre learning + Might the leges proscribere-- + Do the pro patria mori, + I, the churning!" + +Here are a few juvenile specimens, the first being a little-known old +nursery ballad: + +THE FOUR BROTHERS. + + "I had four brothers over the sea, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine: + And each one sent a present to me; + Partum quartum, peredecentum, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine. + + The first sent a cherry without any stone; + Perrimerri dictum, Domine: + The second a chicken without any bone, + Partum quartum, peredecentum, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine. + + The third sent a blanket without any thread; + Perrimerri dictum, Domine: + The fourth sent a book that no man could read; + Partum quartum, peredecentum, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine. + + When the cherry's in the blossom, it has no stone; + Perrimerri dictum, Domine: + When the chicken's in the egg, it has no bone; + Partum quartum, peredecentum, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine. + + When the blanket's in the fleece, it has no thread; + Perrimerri dictum, Domine: + When the book's in the press, no man can it read; + Partum quartum, peredecentum, + Perrimerri dictum, Domine." + +LITTLE BO-PEEP. + + "Parvula Bo-peep + Amisit her sheep, + Et nescit where to find 'em; + Desere alone, + Et venient home, + Cum omnibus caudis behind 'em." + +JACK AND JILL. + + "Jack cum amico Jill, + Ascendit super montem; + Johannes cecedit down the hill, + Ex forte fregit frontem." + +THE TEETOTUM. + + "Fresh from his books, an arch but studious boy, + Twirl'd with resilient glee his mobile toy; + And while on single pivot foot it set, + Whisk'd round the board in whirring pirouette, + Shriek'd, as its figures flew too fast to note 'em, + _Te totum amo, amo te, Teetotum_." + +Schoolboys and college youths not unfrequently adorn their books with some +such macaronic as this: + + "Si quisquis furetur, + This little libellum, + Per Bacchum, per Jovem, + I'll kill him, I'll fell him; + In venturum illius + I'll stick my scalpellum, + And teach him to steal + My little libellum." + +Inscriptions and epitaphs are often the vehicles of quaint and curious +diction, and of these we give some instances: + +THE SIGN OF THE "GENTLE SHEPHERD OF SALISBURY PLAIN." + +(_On the road from Cape Town to Simon's Bay, Cape of Good Hope._) + + "Multum in parvo, pro bono publico; + Entertainment for man or beast all of a row. + Lekker host as much as you please; + Excellent beds without any fleas; + Nos patrum fugimus--now we are here, + Vivamus, let us live by selling beer + On donne à boire et á manger ici; + Come in and try it, whoever you be." + +IN THE VISITORS' BOOK AT NIAGARA FALLS. + + "Tres fratres stolidii, + Took a boat at Niagri; + Stormus arose et windus erat, + Magnum frothum surgebat, + Et boatum overturnebat, + Et omnes drowndiderunt + Quia swimmere non potuerunt!" + +IN THE VISITORS' BOOK OF MOUNT KEARSARGE HOUSE. + +(_Summit of Mount Kearsarge, North Conway, N.H._) + + "Sic itur ad astra, together; + But much as we aspire, + No purse of gold, this summer weather, + Could hire us to go higher!" + +The following epitaph is to be found in Northallerton Churchyard: + + "Hic jacet Walter Gun, + Sometime landlord of the _Sun_, + Sic transit gloria mundi! + He drank hard upon Friday, + That being an high day, + Took his bed and died upon Sunday!" + +There are no macaronic authors nowadays, though poems of this class are +still to be had in colleges and universities; but everything pertaining to +college life is ephemeral, coming in with Freshman and going out with +Senior. College students are the prolific fathers of a kind of punning +Latin composition, such as: + + "O _unum_ sculls. You _damnum_ sculls. _Sic transit_ drove a _tu pone + tandem temo ver_ from the north." + + "He is visiting his _ante_, Mrs. _Dido Etdux_, and intends stopping + here till _ortum_." + + "He _et super_ with us last evening, and is a terrible fellow. He + _lambda_ man almost to death the other evening, but he got his + match--the other man _cutis nos_ off for him and _noctem_ flat _urna_ + flounder." + + "Doctores! Ducum nex mundi nitu Panes; tritucum at ait. Expecto meta + fumen, and eta beta pi. Super attente one--Dux, hamor clam pati; sum + parates, homine, ices, jam, etc. Sideror hoc." + +In a similar dialect to this, Dean Swift and Dr. Sheridan used to +correspond. In this way: + + "Is his honor sic? Præ letus felis pulse." + +The Dean once wrote to the Doctor: + + "Mollis abuti, No lasso finis, + Has an acuti, Molli divinis." + +To which the Doctor responded: + + "I ritu a verse o na Molli o mi ne, + Asta lassa me pole, a lædis o fine; + I ne ver neu a niso ne at in mi ni is, + A manat a glans ora sito fer diis. + + De armo lis abuti, hos face an hos nos is + As fer a sal illi, as reddas aro sis, + Ac is o mi Molli is almi de lite, + Illo verbi de, an illo verbi nite." + +At this the Dean settles the whole affair by-- + + "Apud in is almi de si re, + Mimis tres I ne ver re qui re; + Alo' ver I findit a gestis, + His miseri ne ver at restis." + +Sydney Smith proposed as a motto for a well-known fish-sauce purveyor the +following line from Virgil (_Æn._ iv. I): + + "_Gravi jam_dudum _saucia_ curâ." + +When two students named Payne and Culpepper were expelled from college, a +classmate wrote: + + "_Poen_ia perire potest; _Culpa per_ennis est." + +And Dr. Johnson wrote the following epitaph on his cat: + + "_Mi-cat_ inter omnes." + + A gentleman at dinner helped his friend to a potato, saying--"I think + that is a good mealy one." "Thank you," was the reply, "it could not + be _melior_." + + Another gentleman while driving one day was asked by a lady if some + fowls they passed were ducks or geese. One of the latter at the moment + lifting up its voice, the gentleman said, "That's your _anser_!" + + "Well, Tom, are you sick again?" asked a student of his friend, and + was answered in English and in Latin, "_Sic sum_." + +Victor Hugo was once asked if he could write English poetry. +"Certainement," was the reply, and he sat down and wrote this verse: + + "Pour chasser le spleen + J'entrai dans un inn; + O, mais je bus le gin, + God save the queen!" + +In the "Innocents Abroad" of Mark Twain he gives a letter written by his +friend Mr. Blucher to a Parisian hotel-keeper, which was as follows: + + "'MONSIEUR LE LANDLORD: Sir--_Pourquoi_ don't you _mettez_ some + _savon_ in your bed-chambers? _Est-ce-que-vous pensez_ I will steal + it? _Le nuit passeé_ you charged me _pour deux chandelles_ when I only + had one; _hier vous avez_ charged me _avec glace_ when I had none at + all; _tout les jours_ you are coming some fresh game or other upon me, + _mais vous ne pouvez pas_ play this _savon_ dodge on me twice. _Savon_ + is a necessary _de la vie_ to anybody but a Frenchman, _et je l'aurai + hors de cette hotel_ or make trouble. You hear me.--_Allons._ + + BLUCHER.'" + +"I remonstrated," says Mr. Twain, "against the sending of this note, +because it was so mixed up that the landlord would never be able to make +head or tail of it; but Blucher said he guessed the old man could read the +French of it, and average the rest." + +Productions like the preceding, and like that with which we conclude are +continually finding their way into print, and are always readable, +curious, and fresh for an idle hour. + + POCAHONTAS AND CAPTAIN SMITH. + + (JAMESTOWN, A.D. 1607.) + + "Johannes Smithus, walking up a streetus, met two ingentes Ingins et + parvulus Ingin. Ingins non capti sunt ab Johanne, sed Johannes captus + est ab ingentibus Inginibus. Parvulus Ingin run off hollerin, et + terrifficatus est most to death. Big Ingin removit Johannem ad + tentem, ad campum, ad marshy placem, papoosem, pipe of peacem, + bogibus, squawque. Quum Johannes examinatus est ab Inginibus, they + condemnati sunt eum to be cracked on capitem ab clubbibus. Et a big + Ingin was going to strikaturus esse Smithum with a clubbe, quum + Pocahontas came trembling down, et hollerin, 'Don't ye duit, don't ye + duit!' Sic Johannes non periit, sed grew fat on corn bread et hominy." + + + + +_LINGUISTIC VERSE._ + + +One of the most curious efforts in the way of teaching a language was that +attempted by a work published originally in Paris, in 1862, entitled "O +Novo Guia em Portuguez e Inglez. Par Jose de Fonseca e Pedro Carolina," or +the New Guide to Conversation in Portuguese and English. Mr. G. C. Leland +writes us that Fonseca "manufactured" this work by procuring a book of +French dialogues, which he put word by word into English--(by the aid of +a dictionary)--"of which he knew not a word, and what is strangest, did +not learn a word, even while writing his _Guide_. That he really humbugged +his bookseller appears from this that he induced the poor victim to +publish a large English dictionary!" This book has been reprinted, as a +literary curiosity, and may be had at Quaritch's, 15 Piccadilly, London, +under the title of "A New Guide to the English," by Pedro Carolina; +Fonseca having taken his name out, and dating the book from +"Pekin,"--this being a mere joke. However, the original was a serious +work, and by way of introduction to a poem in the Fonseca English, kindly +given us by Professor E. H. Palmer, we give a few particulars of and +extracts from the work itself, and here is the Preface: + + "A choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms and despoiled + phrases, it was missing yet to studious portuguese and brazilian + Youth; and also to persons of other nations that wish to know the + portuguese language. We sought all we may do, to correct that want, + composing and divising the present little work in two parts. The first + includes a greatest vocabulary proper names by alphabetical order; and + the second forty-three Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of + the life. For that reason we did put, with a scrupulous exactness, a + great variety own expressions to english and portugues idioms; without + to attach us selves (as make some others) almost at a literal + translation; translation what only will be for to accustom the + portuguese pupils, or foreign, to speak very bad any of the mentioned + idioms. We were increasing this second edition with a phraseology, in + the first part, and some familiar letters, anecdotes, idiotisms, + proverbs, and to second a coin's index. + + "The _Works_ which we were confering for this labour, find use us for + nothing; but those what were publishing to Portugal, or out. They were + almost all composed for some foreign, or for some national little + acquainted in the spirit of both languages. It was resulting from that + corelessness to rest these _Works_ fill of imperfections and anomalies + of style; in spite of the infinite typographical faults which + sometimes invert the sense of the periods. It increase not to contain + any of those _Works_ the figured pronunciation of the english words, + nor the prosodical accent in the portugese: indispensable object whom + wish to speak the english and portuguese languages correctly. + + "We expect then who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, + and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptance + of the studious persons, and especially of the Youth, at which we + dedicate him particularly." + +The "greatest vocabulary proper names" is in three columns--the first +giving the Portuguese, the second the English words, and the third the +English pronunciation: + + Dô Múndo. Of the world. Ove thi Ueurlde. + Os astros. The stars. Thi esters. + Môça. Young girl. Yeun-gue guerle. + O relâmpago. The flash of lightning. Thi flax ove lait eningue. + +The vocabulary fills about fifty pages, and is followed by a series of +"familiar phrases," of which a few are here given: + + "Do which is that book? Do is so kind to tell me it. Let us go on ours + feet. Having take my leave, i was going. This trees make a beauty + shade. This wood is full of thief's. These apricots make me & to come + water in mouth. I have not stricken the clock. The storm is go over, + the sun begin to dissape it. I am stronger which him. That place is + too much gracious. That are the dishes whose you must be and to + abstain." + +Then come the dialogues, and one we give is supposed to take place at a +morning call, which commences first with the visitor and the servant: + + "'Is your master at home?'--'Yes, sir.' 'Is it up?'--'No, sir, he + sleep yet. I go make that he get up.' 'It come in one's? How is it you + are in bed yet?'--'Yesterday at evening I was to bed so late that i + may not rising me soon that morning.'" + +This is followed by a description of the dissipation which led to these +late hours--"singing, dancing, laughing, and playing"-- + + "'What game?'--'To the picket.' 'Who have prevailed upon?'--'I have + gained ten lewis.' 'Till at what o'clock its had play one?'--'Untill + two o'clock after midnight.'" + +But these conversations or dialogues, however amusing, are as nothing when +compared with the anecdotes which are given by Fonseca, of which we +transcribe a few: + + "John II., Portugal King, had taken his party immediately. He had in + her court castillians ambassadors coming for treat of the pease. As + they had keeped in leng the negotiation he did them two papers in one + from which he had wrote _peace_ and on the other _war_--telling them + 'Choice you!'" + + "Philip, King's Macedonia, being fall, and seeing the extension of her + body drawed upon the dust was cry--'Greats Gods! that we may have + little part in this Univers!'" + + "One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw + better than him. The party was accepted. 'I had gain over,' said the + one eyed; 'why i see you two eyes, and you not look me who one!'" + + "The most vertious of the pagans, Socrates, was accused from impiety, + and immolated to the fury of the envy and the fanaticism. When relates + one's him self that he has been condemned to death for the + Athenians--'And then told him, they are it for the nature,--But it is + an unjustly,' cried her woman 'would thy replied-him that might be + justify?'" + + "Cæsar seeing one day to Roma, some strangers, very riches, which bore + between her arms little dogs and little monkeies and who was + carressign them too tenderly was ask, with so many great deal reason, + whether the women of her country don't had some children?" + + "Two friends who from long they not were seen meet one's selves for + hazard. 'How do is there?' told one of the two. 'No very well, told + the other, and i am married from that I saw thee.' 'Good news.' 'Not + quit, because I had married with a bad woman.' 'So much worse.' 'Not + so much great deal worse; because her dower was from two thousand + lewis.' 'Well, that confort.' 'Not absolutely, why i had emplored this + sum for to buy some muttons which are all deads of the rot.' 'That is + indeed very sorry.' 'Not so sorry, because the selling of hers hide + have bring me above the price of the muttons.' 'So you are + indemnified.' 'Not quit, because my house where i was disposed my + money, finish to be consumed by the flames.' 'Oh, here is a great + misfortune!' 'Not so great nor i either, because my wife and my house + are burned together!'" + +The concluding portion of this Guide is devoted to "Idiotisms and +Proverbs," of some of which it is rather difficult to recognise the +original, as "To take time by the forelock," is rendered "It want to take +the occasion for the hairs!" Here are a few others: + + "The walls have hearsay." + + "Four eyes does see better than two." + + "There is not any ruler without a exception." + + "The mountain in work put out a mouse." + + "He is like the fish into the water." + + "To buy a cat in a pocket." + + "To come back at their muttons." + + "He is not so devil as he is black." + + "Keep the chestnut of the fire with the hand of the cat." + + "What come in to me for an ear yet out for another." + + "Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat." + + "These roses do button at the eyesight." + +Enough perhaps has been given about this amusing Guide, and we here +introduce Professor E. H. Palmer's verses: + +THE PARTERRE. + +A POETRY AS THE FONSECA. + + "I don't know any greatest treat + As sit him in a gay parterre, + And sniff one up the perfume sweet + Of every roses buttoning there. + + It only want my charming miss + Who make to blush the self red rose; + Oh! I have envy of to kiss + The end's tip of her splendid nose. + + Oh! I have envy of to be + What grass neath her pantoffle push, + And too much happy seemeth me + The margaret which her vestige crush. + + But I will meet her nose at nose, + And take occasion for the hairs, + And indicate her all my woes, + That she in fine agree my prayers. + + THE ENVOY. + + I don't know any greatest treat + As sit him in a gay parterre, + With Madame who is too more sweet + Than every roses buttoning there." + +Pidgin English is the name given to the dialect extensively used in the +seaport towns of China as a means of communication between the natives and +English and Americans, and is a very rude jargon in which English words +are very strangely distorted. It is very limited, the Chinese learning +Pidgin with only the acquirement of a few hundred words, the pronunciation +and grammar of which have been modified to suit those of their own +language. The word Pidgin itself is derived through a series of changes in +the word _Business_. Early traders made constant use of this word, and the +Chinaman contracted it first to _Busin_, and then through the change to +_Pishin_ it at length assumed the form of _Pidgin_, still retaining its +original meaning. This at once shows the difficulty which a Chinaman has +in mastering the pronunciation of English words, and as business or +commerce is the great bond of union between the Chinese and the foreign +residents, it is not to be wondered at that this word should give name to +the jargon formed in its service. The Chinese have great difficulty in +using the letter _r_, pronouncing it almost always like _l_, as _loom_ for +_room_, _cly_ for _cry_; and for the sake of euphony often add _ee_ or +_lo_ to the end of words. _Galaw_ or _galow_ is a word of no meaning, +being used as a kind of interjection; _chop, chop_, means quick, quick; +_maskee_, don't mind; _chop b'long_, of a kind; _topside galow_, +excelsior, or "hurrah for topside"; _chin chin_, good-bye; _welly culio_, +very curious; _Joss-pidgin-man_, priest. With these few hints the reader +may understand better the following version of "Excelsior," which +originally appeared in _Harpers' Magazine_ in 1869,--the moral, however, +belongs solely to the Chinese translator: + +TOPSIDE-GALOW. + + "That nightee teem he come chop chop + One young man walkee, no can stop; + Colo maskee, icee maskee; + He got flag; chop b'long we_ll_y cu_l_io, see-- + Topside-galow! + + He too muchee so_ll_y; one piecee eye + Looksee sharp--so fashion--alla same my: + He talkee largee, talkee st_l_ong, + Too muchee cu_l_io; alla same gong-- + Topside-galow! + + Inside any housee he can see light, + Any piecee _l_oom got fire all _l_ight; + He looksee plenty ice more high, + Inside he mouf he plenty c_l_y-- + Topside-galow! + + 'No can walkee!' olo man speakee he; + 'Bimeby _l_ain come, no can see; + Hab got water we_ll_y wide!' + Maskee, my must go topside-- + Topside-galow! + + 'Man-man,' one galo talkee he; + 'What for you go topside look-see?' + 'Nother teem,' he makee plenty c_l_y, + Maskee, alla teem walkee plenty high-- + Topside-galow! + + 'Take care that spilum t_l_ee, young man, + Take care that icee!' he no man-man, + That coolie chin-chin he 'Good-night;' + He talkee, 'My can go all _l_ight'-- + Topside-galow! + + Joss-pidgin-man chop chop begin, + Morning teem that Joss chin-chin, + No see any man, he plenty fear, + Cause some man talkee, he can hear-- + Topside-galow! + + Young man makee die; one largee dog see + Too muchee bobbe_l_y, findee hee. + Hand too muchee colo, inside can stop + Alla same piecee flag, got cu_l_io chop-- + Topside-galow! + + MORAL. + + You too muchee laugh! What for sing? + I think so you no savey t'hat ting! + Supposey you no b'long clever inside, + More betta _you_ go walk topside! + Topside-galow!" + +In connection with these linguistic curiosities we take the following from +an old number of _Harpers' Magazine_: "A practical parent objects to the +silliness of our nursery rhymes, for the reason that the doggerel is +rendered pernicious by the absence of a practical moral purpose, and as +introducing infants to the realities of life through an utterly erroneous +medium. They are taught to believe in a world peopled by Little Bo-peeps +and Goosey, Goosey Ganders, instead of a world of New York Central, Erie, +North-Western Preferred, &c. &c. It is proposed, therefore, to accommodate +the teaching of the nursery to the requirements of the age, to invest +children's rhymes with a moral purpose. Instead, for example, of the blind +wonderment as to the nature of astronomical bodies inculcated in that +feeble poem commencing 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star,' let the child be +indoctrinated into the recent investigations of science, thus: + + 'Wrinkles, wrinkles, solar star, + I obtain of what you are, + When unto the noonday sky + I the spectroscope apply; + For the spectrum renders clear + Gaps within your photosphere, + Also sodium in the bar + Which your rays yield, solar star.' + +"Then, again, there is the gastronomic career of Little Jack Homer, which +inculcates gluttony. It is practicable that this fictitious hero should +familiarise the child with the principles of the _Delectus_: + + 'Studious John Homer, + Of Latin no scorner, + In the second declension did spy + How nouns there are some + Which ending in _um_ + Do _not_ make their plural in _i_.' + +"The episode of Jack and Jill is valueless as an educational medium. But +it might be made to illustrate the arguments of a certain school of +political economists: + + 'Jack and Jill + Have studied Mill, + And all that sage has taught, too. + Now both promote + Jill's claim to vote, + As every good girl ought too.' + +"Even the pleasures of life have their duties, and the child needs to be +instructed in the polite relaxation of society. The unmeaning jingle of +'Hey diddle diddle,' might be invested with some utility of a social kind: + + 'I did an idyl on Joachim's fiddle, + At a classical soiree in June, + While jolly dogs laughed at themes from Spöhr, + And longed for a popular tune.' + +"And the importance of securing a good _parti_, of rejecting ineligible +candidates, and of modifying flirtations by a strict regard to the future, +might be impressed upon the female mind at an early age in the following +moral: + + 'Little Miss Muffit + Sat at a buffet + Eating a _bonbon sucre_; + A younger son spied her, + And edged up beside her, + But she properly frowned him away.'" + +The preceding is all very well, but there are others which have been +travestied and changed also--"Mary's little Lamb," for instance, will +never be allowed to rest in its true Saxon garb, but is being constantly +dressed in every tongue and dialect. But recently one has arisen bold +enough to doubt the story altogether, and throw discredit on the song. Mr. +Baring Gould, and iconoclasts like him, strive to show that William Tell +and other ancient heroes never did live, but we never expected to doubt +the existence of "Mary's little Lamb," yet a correspondent to a magazine +sent not long ago what he says is the "true story of Mary and her lamb," +hoping it will take the place of the garbled version hitherto received as +authentic: + + "Mary had a little lamb, + Whose fleece was white as snow, + And every place that Mary went, + The lamb it would _not_ go. + + So Mary took that little lamb, + And beat it for a spell; + The family had it fried next day, + And it went very well." + +We have still another way of it, in what may be termed an exaggerated +synonymic adherence to the central idea of the ballad: + + "Mary possessed a diminutive sheep, + Whose external covering was as devoid of colour as the aqueous fluid + which sometimes presents unsurmountable barriers on the Sierras. + And everywhere Mary peregrinated + This juvenile Southdown would be sure to get up and go right after her. + It followed her to the alphabet dispensary one day, + Which was contrary to the 243d subdivision of the 714th article of the + constitution of that academy of erudition; + It caused the adolescent disciples there assembled to titillate their + risibles and indulge in interludes of sportive hilarity," &c. &c. + +Linguistic renderings of many of these ancient songs may be found in the +works of the Rev. Francis Mahoney (Father Prout), Dr. Maginn, &c., as well +as in the "Arundines Cami" of the Rev. H. Drury. Of these here follow a +few: + +LITTLE BO-PEEP. + + "Petit Bo-peep + A perdu ses moutons + Et ne sait pas que les a pris, + O laisses les tranquilles + Ill viendront en ville + Et chacun sa que apres lui." + +BA, BA, BLACK SHEEP. + + "Ba, ba, mouton noir, + Avez vous de laine? + Oui Monsieur, non Monsieur, + Trois sacs pleine. + Un pour mon maitre, un pour ma dame, + Pas un pour le jeune enfant que pleure dan le chemin." + +Here is a song of Mahoney's, which is given complete: + + "Quam pulchra sunt ova + Cum alba et nova, + In stabulo scite leguntur; + Et a Margery bella, + Quæ festiva puella! + Pinguis lardi cum frustris coquuntur. + + Ut belles in prato, + Aprico et lato + Sub sole tam lacte renident; + Ova tosta in mensa + Mappa bene extensa, + Nittidissima lanse consident." + +Which, put into English, is: + + "Oh! 'tis eggs are a treat, + When so white and so sweet + From under the manger they're taken; + And by fair Margery + (Och! 'tis she's full of glee!) + They are fried with fat rashers of bacon. + + Just like daisies all spread, + O'er a broad sunny mead, + In the sunbeams so gaudily shining, + Are fried eggs, when displayed + On a dish, when we've laid + The cloth, and are thinking of dining!" + +The last of these we give is from the "Arundines Cami": + +TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR. + + "Mica, mica, parva Stella, + Miror, quænam sis tam bella! + Splendens eminus in illo + Alba velut gemma, coelo." + +This familiar nursery rhyme has also been "revised" by a committee of +eminent preceptors and scholars, with this result: + + "Shine with irregular, intermitted light, sparkle at intervals, + diminutive, luminous, heavenly body. + How I conjecture, with surprise, not unmixed with uncertainty, what you + are, + Located, apparently, at such a remote distance from, and at a height so + vastly superior to this earth, the planet we inhabit, + Similar in general appearance and refractory powers to the precious + primitive octahedron crystal of pure carbon, set in the aërial + region surrounding the earth." + +Dr. Lang, in his book on "Queensland," &c., is wroth against the colonists +for the system of nomenclature they have pursued, in so far as introducing +such names as Deptford, Codrington, Greenwich, and so on. Conceding that +there may be some confusion by the duplication in this way of names from +the old country, they are surely better than the jaw-breaking native names +which are strung together in the following lines: + + "I like the native names, as Parramatta, + And Illawarra and Wooloomooloo, + Tongabbee, Mittagong, and Coolingatta, + Euranania, Jackwa, Bulkomatta, + Nandowra, Tumbwumba, Woogaroo; + The Wollondilly and the Wingycarribbeo, + The Warragumby, Dalby, and Bungarribbe." + +The following _jeu d'esprit_, in which many of the absurd and +unpronounceable names of American towns and villages are happily hit off, +is from the _Orpheus C. Kerr_ (office-seeker) _Papers_, by R. H. Newell, a +work containing many of those humorous, semi-political effusions, which +were so common in the United States during the Civil War: + +THE AMERICAN TRAVELLER. + + "To Lake Aghmoogenegamook, + All in the State of Maine, + A man from Wittequergaugaum came + One evening in the rain. + + 'I am a traveller,' said he, + 'Just started on a tour, + And go to Nomjamskillicook + To-morrow morn at four.' + + He took a tavern-bed that night, + And with the morrow's sun, + By way of Sekledobskus went, + With carpet-bag and gun. + + A week passed on; and next we find + Our native tourist come + To that sequester'd village called + Genasagarnagum. + + From thence he went to Absequoit, + And there--quite tired of Maine-- + He sought the mountains of Vermont, + Upon a railroad train. + + Dog Hollow, in the Green Mount State, + Was his first stopping-place, + And then Skunk's Misery displayed + Its sweetness and its grace. + + By easy stages then he went + To visit Devil's Den; + And Scrabble Hollow, by the way, + Did come within his ken. + + Then _via_ Nine Holes and Goose Green, + He travelled through the State, + And to Virginia, finally, + Was guided by his fate. + + Within the Old Dominion's bounds, + He wandered up and down; + To-day at Buzzard Roost ensconced, + To-morrow at Hell Town. + + At Pole Cat, too, he spent a week, + Till friends from Bull Ring came, + And made him spend the day with them + In hunting forest game. + + Then, with his carpet-bag in hand, + To Dog Town next he went; + Though stopping at Free Negro Town, + Where half a day he spent. + + From thence, into Negationburg + His route of travel lay, + Which having gained, he left the State + And took a southward way. + + North Carolina's friendly soil + He trod at fall of night, + And, on a bed of softest down, + He slept at Hell's Delight. + + Morn found him on the road again, + To Lousy Level bound; + At Bull's Tail, and Lick Lizard too, + Good provender he found. + + The country all about Pinch Gut + So beautiful did seem, + That the beholder thought it like + A picture in a dream. + + But the plantations near Burnt Coat + Were even finer still, + And made the wond'ring tourist feel + A soft delicious thrill. + + At Tear Shirt, too, the scenery + Most charming did appear, + With Snatch It in the distance far, + And Purgatory near. + + But spite of all these pleasant scenes, + The tourist stoutly swore + That home is brightest after all, + And travel is a bore. + + So back he went to Maine, straightway + A little wife he took; + And now is making nutmegs at + Moosehicmagunticook." + +A RHYME FOR MUSICIANS. + + "Haendel, Bendel, Mendelssohn, + Brendel, Wendel, Jadasshon, + Muller, Hiller, Heller, Franz, + Blothow, Flotow, Burto, Gantz. + + Meyer, Geyer, Meyerbeer, + Heyer, Weyer, Beyer, Beer, + Lichner, Lachnar, Schachner, Dietz, + Hill, Will, Bruell, Grill Drill, Reiss, Reitz. + + Hansen, Jansen, Jensen, Kiehl, + Siade, Gade, Laade, Stiehl, + Naumann, Riemann, Diener, Wurst, + Niemann, Kiemann, Diener Wurst. + + Kochler, Dochler, Rubenstein, + Himmel, Hummel, Rosenkyn, + Lauer, Bauer, Kleincke, + Homberg, Plomberg, Reinecke." + --_E. Lemke._ + +SURNAMES. + +BY JAMES SMITH, ONE OF THE AUTHORS OF "REJECTED ADDRESSES." + + "Men once were surnamed for their shape or estate + (You all may from history learn it), + There was Louis the Bulky, and Henry the Great, + John Lackland, and Peter the Hermit. + But now, when the doorplates of misters and dames + Are read, each so constantly varies; + From the owner's trade, figure, and calling, surnames + Seem given by the rule of contraries. + + Mr. Wise is a dunce, Mr. King is a whig, + Mr. Coffin's uncommonly sprightly, + And huge Mr. Little broke down in a gig, + While driving fat Mrs. Golightly. + At Bath, where the feeble go more than the stout, + (A conduct well worthy of Nero,) + Over poor Mr. Lightfoot, confined with the gout, + Mr. Heavyside danced a bolero. + + Miss Joy, wretched maid, when she chose Mr. Love, + Found nothing but sorrow await her; + She now holds in wedlock, as true as a dove, + That fondest of mates, Mr. Hayter. + Mr. Oldcastle dwells in a modern-built hut; + Miss Sage is of madcaps the archest; + Of all the queer bachelors Cupid e'er cut, + Old Mr. Younghusband's the starchest. + + Mr. Child, in a passion, knock'd down Mr. Rock; + Mr. Stone like an aspen-leaf shivers; + Miss Pool used to dance, but she stands like a stock + Ever since she became Mrs. Rivers. + Mr. Swift hobbles onward, no mortal knows how, + He moves as though cords had entwined him; + Mr. Metcalf ran off upon meeting a cow, + With pale Mr. Turnbull behind him. + + Mr. Barker's as mute as a fish in the sea, + Mr. Miles never moves on a journey, + Mr. Gotobed sits up till half after three, + Mr. Makepeace was bred an attorney. + Mr. Gardener can't tell a flower from a root, + Mr. Wild with timidity draws back; + Mr. Ryder performs all his journeys on foot, + Mr. Foot all his journeys on horseback. + + Mr. Penny, whose father was rolling in wealth, + Consumed all the fortune his dad won; + Large Mr. Le Fever's the picture of health; + Mr. Goodenough is but a bad one. + Mr. Cruikshank stept into three thousand a year + By showing his leg to an heiress: + Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear + Surnames ever go by contraries." + +The next verses are somewhat similar, and are taken from an old number of +the _European Magazine_: + +COINCIDENCES AND CONTRARIETIES. + + "Tis curious to find, in this overgrown town, + While through its long streets we are dodging, + That many a man is in trade settled down, + Whose name don't agree with his lodging! + For instance, Jack Munday in Friday Street dwells, + Mr. Pitt in Fox Court is residing; + Mr. White in Black's Buildings green-grocery sells, + While East in West Square is abiding! + + Mr. Lamb in Red Lion Street perks up his head, + To Lamb's, Conduit Street, Lyon goes courting; + Mr. Boxer at Battle Bridge hires a bed, + While Moon is in Sun Street disporting. + Bill Brown up to Green Street to live now is gone, + In Stanhope mews Dennet keeps horses; + Doctor Low lives in High Street, Saint Mary-le-Bone, + In Brown Street one Johnny White's door sees. + + But still much more curious it is, when the streets + Accord with the names of their tenants; + And yet with such curious accordance one meets, + In taking a town-tour like Pennant's. + For instance, in Crown Street George King you may note, + To Booth, in Mayfair, you go shopping; + And Porter, of Brewer Street, goes in a boat + To Waters, of River Street, Wapping! + + Mr. Sparrow in Bird Street has feathered his nest, + Mr. Archer in Bow Street wooes Sally: + Mr. Windham in Air Street gets zephyr'd to rest, + Mr. Dancer resides in Ball Alley. + Mr. Fisher on Finsbury fixes his views, + Mrs. Foote in Shoe Lane works at carding; + Mr. Hawke has a residence close to the Mews, + And Winter puts up at Spring Gardens! + + In Orange Street, Lemon vends porter and ale, + In Hart Street, Jack Deer keeps a stable; + In Hill Street located you'll find Mr. Dale, + In Blue Anchor Row, Mr. Cable. + In Knight-Rider Street, you've both Walker and Day, + In Castle Street, Champion and Spearman; + In Blackman Street, Lillywhite makes a display, + In Cheapside lives sweet Mrs. Dearman. + + In Paradise Row, Mr. Adam sells figs, + Eve, in Apple Tree Yard, rooms has taken; + Mr. Coltman, in Foley Street, fits you with wigs, + In Hog Lane you call upon Bacon. + Old Homer in Greek Street sells barrels and staves, + While Pope, in Cross Lane, is a baker; + In Liquorpond Street, Mr. Drinkwater shaves, + In Cow Lane lives A. Veal, undertaker." + +THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. + + "A pretty deer is dear to me, + A hare with downy hair; + I love a hart with all my heart, + But barely bear a bear. + 'Tis plain that no one takes a plane + To pare a pair of pears; + A rake, though, often takes a rake + To tear away the tares. + All rays raise thyme, time razes all; + And, through the whole, hole wears. + A writ, in writing 'right,' may write + It 'wright,' and still be wrong-- + For 'wright' and 'rite' are neither 'right,' + And don't to 'write' belong. + Beer often brings a bier to man, + Coughing a coffin brings; + And too much ale will make us ail, + As well as other things. + The person lies who says he lies + When he is but reclining; + And when consumptive folks decline, + They all decline declining. + A quail don't quail before a storm-- + A bough will bow before it; + We cannot rein the rain at all-- + No earthly powers reign o'er it; + The dyer dyes awhile, then dies; + To dye he's always trying, + Until upon his dying bed + He thinks no more of dyeing. + A son of Mars mars many a sun; + All deys must have their days, + And every knight should pray each night + To Him who weighs his ways. + 'Tis meet that man should mete out meat + To feed misfortune's son; + The fair should fare on love alone, + Else one cannot be won. + A lass, alas! is something false; + Of faults a maid is made; + Her waist is but a barren waste-- + Though stayed she is not staid. + The springs spring forth in spring, and shoots + Shoot forward one and all; + Though summer kills the flowers, it leaves + The leaves to fall in fall. + I would a story here commence, + But you might find it stale; + So let's suppose that we have reached + The tail end of our tale." + +SPELLING REFORM. + + "With tragic air the love-lorn heir + Once chased the chaste Louise; + She quickly guessed her guest was there + To please her with his pleas. + + Now at her side he kneeling sighed, + His sighs of woeful size; + 'Oh, hear me here, for lo, most low + I rise before your eyes. + + 'This soul is sole thine own, Louise-- + 'Twill never wean, I ween, + The love that I for aye shall feel, + Though mean may be its mien!' + + 'You know I cannot tell you no,' + The maid made answer true; + 'I love you aught, as sure I ought-- + To you 'tis due I do!' + + 'Since you are won, Oh fairest one, + The marriage rite is right-- + The chapel aisle I'll lead you up + This night,' exclaimed the knight." + --_Yonkers' Gazette, U.S._ + +OWED TO MY CREDITORS. + + "In vain I lament what is past, + And pity their woe-begone looks, + Though they grin at the credit they gave, + I know I am in their best books. + To my _tailor_ my _breaches_ of faith, + On my conscience now but lightly sit, + For such lengths in his _measures_ he's gone, + He has given me many a _fit_. + My bootmaker, finding at _last_ + That my _soul_ was too stubborn to suit, + _Waxed_ wroth when he found he had got + Anything but the _length of my foot_. + My hatmaker cunningly _felt_ + He'd seen many like me before, + So _brimful_ of insolence, vowed + On credit he'd crown me no more. + My baker was _crusty_ and _burnt_, + When he found himself quite _overdone_ + By a _fancy-bred_ chap like myself,-- + Ay, as _cross_ as a _Good Friday's bun_. + Next, my laundress, who washed pretty clean, + In behaviour was dirty and bad; + For into hot water she popped + All the shirts and the dickies I had. + Then my butcher, who'd little at _stake_, + Most surlily opened his _chops_, + And swore my affairs out of _joint_, + So on to my carcase he pops. + In my lodgings exceedingly high, + Though low in the rent to be sure, + Without warning my landlady seized, + Took my things and the key of the door. + Thus cruelly used by the world, + In the Bench I can smile at its hate; + For a time I must alter my _style_, + For I cannot get out of the _gate_." + +AN ORIGINAL LOVE STORY. + + "He struggled to kiss her. She struggled the same + To prevent him, so bold and undaunted; + But, as smitten by lightning, he heard her exclaim, + 'Avaunt, sir!' and off he avaunted. + + But when he returned, with the fiendishest laugh, + Showing clearly that he was affronted, + And threatened by main force to carry her off, + She cried 'Don't!' and the poor fellow donted. + + When he meekly approached, and sat down at her feet, + Praying aloud, as before he had ranted, + That she would forgive him and try to be sweet, + And said, 'Can't you!' the dear girl recanted. + + Then softly he whispered, 'How could you do so? + I certainly thought I was jilted; + But come thou with me, to the parson we'll go; + Say, wilt thou, my dear?' and she wilted." + +PREVALENT POETRY. + + "A wandering tribe, called the Siouxs, + Wear moccasins, having no shiouxs. + They are made of buckskin, + With the fleshy side in, + Embroidered with beads of bright hyiouxs. + + When out on the war-path, the Siouxs + March single file--never by tiouxs-- + And by 'blazing' the trees + Can return at their ease, + And their way through the forests ne'er liouxs. + + All new-fashioned boats he eschiouxs, + And uses the birch-bark caniouxs; + These are handy and light, + And, inverted at night, + Give shelter from storms and from dyiouxs. + + The principal food of the Siouxs + Is Indian maize, which they briouxs + And hominy make, + Or mix in a cake, + And eat it with fork, as they chiouxs." + --_Scribner's Magazine._ + +A TEMPERANCE SERMON. + + "If for a stomach ache you tache + Each time some whisky, it will break + You down and meak you sheak and quache, + And you will see a horrid snache. + + Much whisky doth your wits beguile, + Your breath defuile, yourself make vuile; + You lose your style, likewise your pyle, + If you erewhyle too often smuile. + + But should there be, like now, a drought, + When water and your strength give ought, + None will your good name then malign + If you confign your drink to wign." + --_H. C. Dodge._ + + "There was a young man in Bordeaux, + He said to himself--'Oh, heaux! + The girls have gone back on me seaux, + What to do I really don't kneaux.'" + + + + +_TECHNICAL VERSE._ + + +ANTICIPATORY DIRGE ON PROFESSOR BUCKLAND, THE GEOLOGIST. + +BY BISHOP SHUTTLEWORTH. + + "Mourn, Ammonites, mourn o'er his funeral urn, + Whose neck ye must grace no more; + Gneiss, Granite, and Slate!--he settled your date, + And his ye must now deplore. + Weep, Caverns, weep! with infiltering drip, + Your recesses he'll cease to explore; + For mineral veins or organic remains + No Stratum again will he bore. + + Oh! his wit shone like crystal!--his knowledge profound + From Gravel to Granite descended; + No Trap could deceive him, no Slip could confound, + Nor specimen, true or pretended. + He knew the birth-rock of each pebble so round, + And how far its tour had extended. + + His eloquence rolled like the Deluge retiring, + Which Mastodon carcases floated; + To a subject obscure he gave charms so inspiring + Young and old on Geology doated. + He stood forth like an Outlier; his hearers admiring + In pencil each anecdote noted. + + Where shall we our great professor inter, + That in peace may rest his bones? + If we hew him a rocky sepulchre, + He'll rise up and break the stones, + And examine each Stratum that lies around, + For he's quite in his element underground. + + If with mattock and spade his body we lay + In the common Alluvial soil; + He'll start up and snatch those tools away + Of his own geological toil; + In a Stratum so young the professor disdains + That embedded should be his Organic Remains. + + Then, exposed to the drip of some case-hard'ning spring, + His carcase let Stalactite cover; + And to Oxford the petrified sage let us bring, + When he is encrusted all over, + There, mid Mammoths and Crocodiles, high on a shelf, + Let him stand as a Monument raised to himself." + +When Professor Buckland's grave was being dug in Islip churchyard, in +August 1856, the men came unexpectedly upon the solid limestone rock, +which they were obliged to blast with gunpowder. The coincidence of this +fact with some of the verses in the above anticipatory dirge is somewhat +remarkable. + +The following is by Jacob F. Henrici, and appeared originally in +_Scribner' s Magazine_ for November 1879: + +A MICROSCOPIC SERENADE. + + "Oh come, my love, and seek with me + A realm by grosser eye unseen, + Where fairy forms will welcome thee, + And dainty creatures hail thee queen. + In silent pools the tube I'll ply, + Where green conferva-threads lie curled, + And proudly bring to thy bright eye + The trophies of the protist world. + + We'll rouse the stentor from his lair, + And gaze into the cyclops' eye; + In chara and nitella hair + The protoplasmic stream descry, + For ever weaving to and fro + With faint molecular melody; + And curious rotifers I'll show, + And graceful vorticellidæ. + + Where melicertæ ply their craft + We'll watch the playful water-bear, + And no envenomed hydra's shaft + Shall mar our peaceful pleasure there; + But while we whisper love's sweet tale + We'll trace, with sympathetic art, + Within the embryonic snail + The growing rudimental heart. + + Where rolls the volvox sphere of green, + And plastids move in Brownian dance-- + If, wandering 'mid that gentle scene, + Two fond amoebæ shall perchance + Be changed to one beneath our sight + By process of biocrasis, + We'll recognise, with rare delight, + A type of our prospective bliss. + + Oh dearer thou by far to me + In thy sweet maidenly estate + Than any seventy-fifth could be, + Of aperture however great! + Come, go with me, and we will stray + Through realm by grosser eye unseen, + Where protophytes shall homage pay, + And protozoa hail thee queen." + +The epitaph following was written by the learned and witty Dr. Charles +Smith, author of the histories of Cork and Waterford. It was read at a +meeting of the Dublin Medico-Philosophical Society on July 1, 1756, and is +a very curious specimen of the "terminology of chemistry:" + +"BOYLE GODFREY, CHYMIST AND DOCTOR OF MEDICINE. + +EPITAPHIUM CHEMICUM. + + Here lieth to digest, macerate, and amalgamate with clay, + In Balneo Arenæ, + Stratum super stratum, + The Residuum, Terra Damnata, and Caput Mortuum, + Of Boyle Godfrey, Chimist, + And M.D. + A man who in this earthly Laboratory + Pursued various processes to obtain + Arcanum Vitæ, + Or the secret to Live; + Also Aurum Vitæ, + Or the art of getting, rather than making, Gold. + Alchemist like, + All his labour and propition, + As Mercury in the fire, evaporated in fumo. + When he dissolved to his first principles, + He departed as poor + As the last drops of an alembic; + For riches are not poured + On the Adepts of this world. + Thus, + Not Solar in his purse, + Neither Lunar in his disposition, + Nor Jovial in his temperament; + Being of Saturnine habit, + Venereal conflicts had left him, + And Martial ones he disliked. + With nothing saline in his composition, + All Salts but two were his Nostrums. + The Attic he did not know, + And that of the Earth he thought not Essential; + But, perhaps, his had lost its savour. + Though fond of news, he carefully avoided + The fermentation, effervescence, + And decupilation of this life. + Full seventy years his exalted essence + Was hermetically sealed in its terrene matrass; + But the radical moisture being exhausted, + The Elixir Vitæ spent, + Inspissated and exsiccated to a cuticle, + He could not suspend longer in his vehicle, + But precipitated gradatim + Per companum + To his original dust. + May that light, brighter than Bolognian Phosphorus, + Preserve him from the Incineration and Concremation + Of the Athanor, Empyreuma, and Reverberatory + Furnace of the other world, + Depurate him, like Tartarus Regeneratus, + From the Foeces and Scoria of this; + Highly rectify and volatilize + His Etherial Spirit, + Bring it over the helm of the Retort of this Globe, + Place in a proper Recipient, + Or Crystalline Orb, + Among the elect of the Flowers of Benjamin, + Never to be saturated + Till the general Resuscitation, + Deflagration, and Calcination of all Things, + When all the reguline parts + Of his comminuted substance + Shall be again concentrated, + Revivified, alcoholized, + And imbibe its pristine Archeses; + Undergo a new transmutation, + Eternal fixation, + And combination of its former Aura; + Be coated over and decorated in robes more fair + Than the majestie of Bismuth, + More sparkling than Cinnabar, + Or Aurum Mosaicum. + And being found Proof Spirit, + Then to be exalted and sublimed together + Into the Concave Dome + Of the highest Aludel in Paradise." + +TO CLARA MORCHELLA DELICIOSA. + +(A MYCOLOGICAL SERENADE.) + +By Mr. A. Stephen Wilson, North Kinmundy, Aberdeenshire, and read at a +meeting of the Cryptogamic Society at Glasgow in 1880. + + "Oh, lovely Clara, hie with me + Where Cryptogams in beauty spore, + Corticiums creep on trunk and tree, + And fairy rings their curves restore; + Mycelia there pervade the ground, + And many a painted pileus rear, + Agarics rend their veils around + The ranal overture to hear. + + Where gay Pezizæ flaunt their hues, + A microscopic store we'll glean, + To sketch with camera the views + In which the ascus may be seen. + Beneath our millemetric gaze + Sporidia's length will stand revealed, + And eyes like thine will trace the maze + In each hymenium concealed. + + Æstivum tubers we shall dig, + Like Suidæ in Fagian shade, + And many a Sphæria-sheltering twig + Will in our vascula be laid. + For hard Sclerotia we shall peer, + In barks and brassicaceous leaves, + And trace their progress through the year, + Like Bobbies on the track of thieves. + + While sages deem Solanum sent + To succour Homo's hungry maw, + We'll prize it for development + Of swelling Peronospora. + We'll mount the Myxogastre's threads + To watch Plasmodium's vital flow, + While Capillitia lift their heads + Generic mysteries to show. + + I'll bring thee where the Chantarelles + Inspire a mycologic theme, + Where Phallus in the shadow smells, + And scarlet Amanita gleam; + And lead thee where M'Moorlan's rye + Is waving black with ergot spurs, + And many a Trichobasian dye + Gives worth to corn and prickly burs. + + And when the beetle calls us home, + We'll gather on our lingering way + The violaceous Inolome + And russet Alutacea, + The brown Boletus edulis + Our fishing baskets soon will fill-- + We'll dine on fungi fried in bliss, + Nor dread the peck of butcher's bill." + +TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL. + +(A GEOLOGICAL ADDRESS.) + + "'Speak, O man, less recent! Fragmentary fossil! + Primal pioneer of pliocene formation, + Hid in lowest drifts below the earliest stratum + Of volcanic tufa! + + 'Older than the beasts, the oldest Palæotherium; + Older than the trees, the oldest Cryptogami; + Older than the hills, those infantile eruptions + Of earth's epidermis! + + 'Eo--Mio--Plio--whatso'er the "cene" was + That those vacant sockets filled with awe and wonder,-- + Whether shores Devonian or Silurian beaches,-- + Tell us thy strange story! + + 'Or has the professor slightly antedated + By some thousand years thy advent on this planet, + Giving thee an air that's somewhat better fitted + For cold-blooded creatures? + + 'Wert thou true spectator of that mighty forest + When above thy head the stately Sigillaria + Reared its columned trunks in that remote and distant + Carboniferous epoch? + + 'Tell us of that scene,--the dim and watery woodland, + Songless, silent, hushed, with never bird or insect, + Veiled with spreading fronds and screened with tall club-mosses, + Lycopodiacea,-- + + 'When beside thee walked the solemn Plesiosaurus, + And around thee crept the festive Ichthyosaurus, + While from time to time above thee flew and circled + Cheerful Pterodactyls. + + 'Tell us of thy food,--those half-marine refections, + Crinoids on the shell and Brachiopods _au naturel_,-- + Cuttlefish to which the _pieuvre_ of Victor Hugo + Seems a periwinkle. + + 'Speak, thou awful vestige of the earth's creation,-- + Solitary fragment of remains organic! + Tell the wondrous secret of thy past existence,-- + Speak! thou oldest primate!' + + Even as I gazed, a thrill of the maxilla, + And a lateral movement of the condyloid process, + With post-pliocene sounds of healthy mastication, + Ground the teeth together. + + And, from that imperfect dental exhibition, + Stained with express juices of the weed Nicotian, + Came these hollow accents, blent with softer murmurs + Of expectoration: + + 'Which my name is Bowers, and my crust was busted + Falling down a shaft in Calaveras County, + But I'd take it kindly if you'd send the pieces + Home to old Missouri!'" + --_Bret Harte._ + +The following verses are from "Notes and Queries," and evidently refer to +a case of "breach of promise": + +KNOX WARD, KING-AT-ARMS, DISARMED AT LAW. + + "Ye fair injured nymphs, and ye beaus who deceive 'em, + Who with passion engage, and without reason leave 'em, + Draw near and attend how the Hero I sing + Was foiled by a Girl, though at Arms he was King. + + _Crest_, _mottoes_, _supporters_, and _bearings_ knew he, + And deeply was studied in old pedigree. + He would sit a whole evening, and, not without rapture, + Tell who begat who to the end of the Chapter. + + In forming his _tables_ nought grieved him so sorely + That the man died _Coelebs_, or else _sine prole_. + At last, having traced other families down, + He began to have thoughts of increasing his own. + + A Damsel he chose, not too slow of belief, + And fain would be deemed her admirer _in chief_. + He _blazoned_ his suit, and the sum of his tale + Was his _field_ and her _field_ joined _party per pale_. + + In different style, to tie faster the noose, + He next would attack her in soft _billet doux_. + His _argent_ and _sable_ were laid aside quite, + Plain _English_ he wrote, and in plain black and white. + + Against such _atchievements_ what beauty could fence? + Or who would have thought it was all but _pretence_?-- + His pain to relieve, and fulfil his desire, + The lady agreed to join hands with the squire. + + The squire, in a fret that the jest went so far, + Considered with speed how to put in a _bar_. + His words bound not him, since hers did not confine her: + And that is plain law, because Miss is a _minor_. + + Miss briskly replied that the law was too hard, + If she, who's a _minor_, may not be a _ward_. + In law then confiding, she took it upon her, + By justice to mend those foul breaches of honour. + + She handled him so that few would, I warrant, + Have been in his _coat_ on so _sleeveless_ an errant. + She made him give bond for stamped _argent_ and _or_, + And _sabled_ his shield with _gules_ blazoned before. + + Ye heralds produce, from the time of the Normans, + In all your Records such a _base_ non-performance; + Or if without instance the case is we touch on, + Let this be set down as a _blot_ in his _scutcheon_." + +LAMENT OF AN UNFORTUNATE DRUGGIST, + + A Member of the Pharmaceutical Society, whose matrimonial speculations + have been disappointed. + + "You that have charge of wedded love, take heed + To keep the vessel which contains it air-tight; + So that no oxygen may enter there! + Lest (like as in a keg of elder wine, + The which, when made, thy careless hand forgot + To bung securely down) full soon, alas! + Acetous fermentation supervene + And winter find thee wineless, and, instead + Of wine, afford thee nought but vinegar. + Thus hath it been with me: there was a time + When neither rosemary nor jessamine, + Cloves or verbena, maréchale, resedé, + Or e'en great Otto's self, were more delicious + Unto my nose, than Betsy to mine eyes; + And, in our days of courtship, I have thought + That my career through life, with her, would be + Bright as my own show-bottles; but, ah me! + It was a vision'd scene. From what she _was_ + To what she _is_, is as the pearliness + Of Creta Præp. compared with Antim. Nig. + There was a time she was all Almond-mixture + (A bland emulsion; I can recommend it + To him who hath a cold), but now, woe! woe! + She is a fierce and foaming combination + Of turpentine with vitriolic oil. + Oh! name not Sulphur, when you speak of her, + For she is Brimstone's very incarnation, + She is the Bitter-apple of my life, + The Scillæ oxymel of my existence, + That knows no sweets with her. + What shall I do?--where fly?--What Hellebore + Can ease the madness that distracts my brain! + What aromatic vinegar restore + The drooping memory of brighter days! + They bid me seek relief in Prussic acid; + They tell me Arsenic holds a mighty power + To put to flight each ill and care of life: + They mention Opium, too; they say its essence, + Called Battley's Sedative, can steep the soul + Chin-deep in blest imaginings; till grief + Changed by its chemic agency, becomes + One lump of blessed Saccharum;--these things + They tell to _me_--_me_, who for twelve long years + Have triturated drugs for a subsistence, + From seven i' th' morn until the midnight hour. + I have no faith in physic's agency + E'en when most 'genuine,' for I have seen + And analysed its nature, and I know + That Humbug is its Active Principle, + Its ultimate and Elemental Basis. + What then is left? No more to Fate I'll bend: + I will rush into chops! and Stout shall be--my end!!" + --_Punch_ (1844.) + +ODE TO "DAVIES' ANALYTICAL" + + "Charming chaos, glorious puddle, + Ethics opaque, book of bliss; + Through thy platitudes I waddle, + O thou subtle synthesis! + + To thy soft consideration, + Give I talents, give I time; + Though 'perpetual occultation' + Shuts me from thy balmy clime. + + As unto the sea-tossed trader, + Is the guiding Polar Star; + Thou'rt my 'zenith' and my 'nadir,' + Still 'so near and yet so far.' + + Sancho never loved his gravies + As I love thy sunny face; + Sheep-bound master-piece of Davies, + Benefactor of his race! + + Man nor god, not even 'ox-eyed + Juno,' could me from thee part; + My 'enthymeme,' my sweet 'protoxide,' + Thou'rt the 'zeugma' of my heart. + + When were built the rocks azoic, + Sat'st thou on the granite hill; + And with constancy heroic, + To _me_ thou art azoic still. + + My 'syzygy,' I'll ne'er leave thee, + Thou shalt ne'er from me escheat; + I will cherish thee, believe me, + Pythagorean obsolete. + + Bless me in the midnight watches, + Ever by my pillow keep + Ruler, chalk, and black-board scratches, + Lovely nightmare, while I sleep. + + Be 'co-ordinate' for ever, + For ever my 'abscissa' be; + The Fates can overwhelm me never, + Whilst _thou_ art in 'perigee.'" + +MAN AND THE ASCIDIAN. + +A MORALITY IN THE QUEEN ANNE MANNER. + + "The Ancestor remote of Man, + Says D--w--n, is th' Ascidian, + A scanty sort of water-beast + That, 90,000,000 years at least + Before Gorillas came to be, + Went swimming up and down the sea. + + Their ancestors the pious praise, + And like to imitate their ways + How, then, does our first parent live, + What lesson has his life to give? + + Th' Ascidian tadpole, young and gay, + Doth Life with one bright eye survey, + His consciousness has easy play. + He's sensitive to grief and pain, + Has tail, and spine, and bears a brain, + And everything that fits the state + Of creatures we call vertebrate. + But age comes on; with sudden shock + He sticks his head against a rock! + His tail drops off, his eye drops in, + His brain's absorbed into his skin; + He does not move, nor feel, nor know + The tidal water's ebb and flow, + But still abides, unstirred, alone, + A sucker sticking to a stone. + And we, his children, truly we + In youth are, like the Tadpole, free. + And where we would we blithely go, + Have brain and hearts, and feel and know. + Then Age comes on! To Habit we + Affix ourselves and are not free; + Th' Ascidian's rooted to a rock, + And we are bond-slaves of the clock; + Our rock is Medicine--Letters--Law, + From these our heads we cannot draw: + Our loves drop off, our hearts drop in, + And daily thicker grows our skin. + We scarcely live, we scarcely know + The wide world's moving ebb and flow, + The clanging currents ring and shock, + But we are rooted to the rock. + And thus at ending of his span, + Blind, deaf, and indolent, does Man + Revert to the Ascidian." + --_St. James's Gazette (July 1880)._ + +A GEOLOGICAL MADRIGAL. + + "I have found out a gift for my fair; + I know where the fossils abound, + Where the footprints of _Aves_ declare + The birds that once walked on the ground; + Oh, come, and--in technical speech-- + We'll walk this Devonian shore, + Or on some Silurian beach + We'll wander, my love, evermore. + + I will show thee the sinuous track + By the slow-moving Annelid made, + Or the Trilobite that, farther back, + In the old Potsdam sandstone was laid; + Thou shalt see in his Jurassic tomb, + The Plesiosaurus embalmed; + In his Oolitic prime and his bloom + Iguanodon safe and unharmed! + + You wished--I remember it well, + And I loved you the more for that wish-- + For a perfect cystedian shell + And a _whole_ holocephalic fish. + And oh, if Earth's strata contains + In its lowest Silurian drift, + Or palæozoic remains + The same--'tis your lover's free gift. + + Then come, love, and never say nay, + But calm all your maidenly fears; + We'll note, love, in one summer's day + The record of millions of years; + And though the Darwinian plan + Your sensitive feelings may shock, + We'll find the beginning of man-- + Our fossil ancestors, in rock!" + --_Bret Harte._ + +THE HUSBAND'S COMPLAINT. + +"Will she thy linen wash and hosen darn?"--GAY. + + "I'm utterly sick of this hateful alliance + Which the ladies have formed with impractical Science! + They put out their washing to learn hydrostatics, + And give themselves airs for the sake of pneumatics. + + They are knowing in muriate, and nitrate, and chlorine, + While the stains gather fast on the walls and the flooring-- + And the jellies and pickles fall woefully short, + With their chemical use of the still and retort. + + Our expenses increase (without drinking French wines), + For they keep no accounts, with their tangents and sines?-- + And to make both ends meet they give little assistance, + With their accurate sense of the squares of the distance. + + They can name every spot from Peru to El Arish, + Except just the bounds of their own native parish; + And they study the orbits of Venus and Saturn, + While their home is resigned to the thief and the slattern. + + Chronology keeps back the dinner two hours, + The smoke-jack stands still while they learn motive powers; + Flies and shells swallow up all our everyday gains, + And our acres are mortgaged for fossil remains. + + They cease to reflect with their talk of refraction-- + They drive us from home by electric attraction-- + And I'm sure, since they've bothered their heads with affinity + I'm repulsed every hour from my learned divinity. + + When the poor stupid husband is weary and starving, + Anatomy leads them to give up the carving; + And we drudges the shoulder of mutton must buy, + While they study the line of the _os humeri_. + + If we 'scape from our troubles to take a short nap, + We awake with a din about limestone and trap; + And the fire is extinguished past regeneration, + For the women were wrapt in the deep-coal formation. + + 'Tis an impious thing that the wives of the laymen + Should use Pagan words 'bout a pistil and stamen; + Let the heir break his head while they foster a Dahlia, + And the babe die of pap as they talk of mammalia. + + The first son becomes half a fool in reality, + While the mother is watching his large ideality; + And the girl roars unchecked, quite a moral abortion, + For we trust her benevolence, order, and caution. + + I sigh for the good times of sewing and spinning, + Ere this new tree of knowledge had set them a sinning; + The women are mad, and they'll build female colleges,-- + So here's to plain English!--a plague on their 'ologies!" + +HOMOEOPATHIC SOUP. + + "Take a robin's leg + (Mind! the drumstick merely), + Put it in a tub + Filled with water nearly; + Set it out of doors, + In a place that's shady, + Let it stand a week + (Three days if for a lady). + + Drop a spoonful of it + In a five-pail kettle, + Which may be made of tin + Or any baser metal; + Fill the kettle up, + Set it on a boiling, + Strain the liquor well, + To prevent its oiling; + + One atom add of salt, + For the thickening one rice kernel, + And use to light the fire + The Homoeopathic Journal. + Let the liquor boil + Half an hour or longer + (If 'tis for a man, + Of course you'll make it stronger). + + Should you now desire + That the soup be flavoury, + Stir it once around + With a stalk of Savory. + When the broth is made, + Nothing can excel it: + Then three times a day + Let the patient _smell_ it. + If he chance to die, + Say 'twas Nature did it; + If he chance to live, + Give the soup the credit." + +A BILLET-DOUX. + +BY A COUNTRY SCHOOLMASTER, CHIDDINGLY, SUSSEX. + + "Accept, dear Miss, this _article_ of mine, + (For what's _indefinite_, who can _define_?) + My _case_ is singular, my house is rural, + Wilt thou, indeed, consent to make it _plural_? + Something, I feel, pervades my system through, + I can't describe, yet _substantively_ true. + Thy form so _feminine_, thy mind reflective, + Where all's _possessive_ good, and nought _objective_, + I'm _positive_ none can _compare_ with thee + In wit and worth's _superlative_ degree. + _First person_, then, _indicative_ but prove, + Let thy soft _passive_ voice exclaim, 'I LOVE!' + _Active_, in cheerful _mood_, no longer _neuter_, + I'll leave my cares, both _present_, _past_, and _future_. + But ah! what torture must I undergo + Till I obtain that little 'Yes' or 'No!' + Spare me the _negative_--to save compunction, + Oh, let my _preposition_ meet _conjunction_. + What could excite such pleasing recollection, + At hearing thee pronounce this _interjection_, + 'I will be thine! thy joys and griefs to share, + Till Heaven shall please to _point_ a _period_ there'!" + --_Family Friend_ (1849). + +Cumulative verse--in which one newspaper gives a few lines, and other +papers follow it up--like that which follows, is very common in American +newspapers, which, however profound or dense, invariably have a corner for +this kind of thing. It has been said that the reason why no purely comic +paper, like _Punch_ or _Fun_, succeeds in the United States, is because +all their papers have a "funny" department. + +THE ARAB AND HIS DONKEY. + + An Arab came to the river side, + With a donkey bearing an obelisk; + But he would not try to ford the tide, + For he had too good an *. + --_Boston Globe._ + + So he camped all night by the river side, + And remained till the tide had ceased to swell, + For he knew should the donkey from life subside, + He never would find its ||. + --_Salem Sunbeam._ + + When the morning dawned, and the tide was out, + The pair crossed over 'neath Allah's protection; + And the Arab was happy, we have no doubt, + For he had the best donkey in all that §. + --_Somerville Journal._ + + You are wrong, they were drowned in crossing over, + Though the donkey was bravest of all his race; + He luxuriates now in horse-heaven clover, + And his master has gone to the Prophet's _em_[Symbol] + --_Elevated Railway Journal._ + + These assinine poets deserved to be "blowed," + Their rhymes being faulty and frothy and beery; + What really befell the ass and its load + Will ever remain a desolate ?. + --_Paper and Print._ + + Our Yankee friends, with all their ---- + For once, we guess, their mark have missed; + And with poetry _Paper and Print_ is rash + In damming its flow with its editor's [Symbol] + + In parable and moral leave a [Symbol] between, [_Space_] + For reflection, or your wits fall out of joint; + The "Arab," ye see, is a printing machine, + And the donkey is he who can't see the . + --_British and Colonial Printer._ + +An Ohio poet thus sings of the beginning of man: + +EVOLUTION. + + "O sing a song of phosphates, + Fibrine in a line, + Four and twenty follicles + In the van of time. + + When the phosphorescence + Evoluted brain, + Superstition ended, + Man began to reign." + + + + +_SINGLE-RHYMED VERSE._ + + +The following lines are from a book written by M. Halpine, under the +sobriquet of "Private Miles O'Reilly," during the Civil War in the United +States. They have some merit apart from their peculiar versification, and +the idea of comparing the "march past" of veteran troops in war time with +the parade of the old gladiators is a happy one. + +MORITURI TE SALUTANT. + + "'_Morituri te salutant!_' say the soldiers as they pass; + Not in uttered words they say it, but we feel it as they pass-- + 'We, who are about to perish, we salute thee as we pass!' + Nought of golden pomp and glitter mark the veterans as they pass-- + Travel-stained, but bronzed and sinewy, firmly, proudly, how they pass; + And we hear them, '_Morituri te salutant!_' as they pass. + On his pawing steed, the General marks the waves of men that pass, + And his eyes at times are misty, now are blazing, as they pass, + For his breast with pride is swelling, as the stalwart veterans pass, + Gallant chiefs their swords presenting, trail them proudly as they pass-- + Battle banners, torn and glorious, dip saluting as they pass; + Brazen clangours shake the welkin, as the manly squadrons pass. + Oh, our comrades! gone before us, in the last review to pass, + Never more to earthly chieftain dipping colours as you pass, + Heaven accord you gentle judgment when before the Throne you pass!" + +"About the year 1775 there was a performer named Cervetti in the orchestra +of Drury Lane Theatre, to whom, the gods had given the appropriate name of +Nosey, from his enormous staysail, that helped to carry him before the +wind. 'Nosey!' shouted from the galleries, was the signal, or word of +command, for the fiddlers to strike up. This man was originally an Italian +merchant of good repute; but failing in business, he came over to England, +and adopted music for a profession. He had a notable knack of loud +yawning, with which he sometimes unluckily filled up Garrick's expressive +pauses, to the infinite annoyance of Garrick and the laughter of the +audience. In the summer of 1777 he played at Vauxhall, at the age of +ninety-eight." Upon such another nose was the following lines written: + +THE ROMAN NOSE. + + "That Roman nose! that Roman nose! + Has robbed my bosom of repose; + For when in sleep my eyelids close, + It haunts me still, that Roman nose! + + Between two eyes as black as sloes + The bright and flaming ruby glows: + That Roman nose! that Roman nose! + And beats the blush of damask rose. + + I walk the streets, the alleys, rows; + I look at all the Jems and Joes; + And old and young, and friends and foes, + But cannot find a Roman nose! + + Then blessed be the day I chose + That nasal beauty of my beau's; + And when at last to Heaven I goes, + I hope to spy his Roman nose!" + --_Merrie England._ + +Mrs. Thrale, on her thirty-fifth birthday, remarked to Dr. Johnson, that +no one would send her verses now that she had attained that age, upon +which the Doctor, without the least hesitation, recited the following +lines: + +THIRTY-FIVE. + + "Oft in danger, yet alive, + We are come to thirty-five; + Long may better years arrive, + Better years than thirty-five. + Could philosophers contrive + Life to stop at thirty-five, + Time his hours should never drive + O'er the bounds of thirty-five. + High to soar, and deep to dive, + Nature gives at thirty-five; + Ladies, stock and tend your hive, + Trifle not at thirty-five; + For, howe'er we boast and strive, + Life declines from thirty-five; + He that ever hopes to thrive, + Must begin by thirty-five; + And all who wisely wish to wive, + Must look on Thrale at thirty-five." + +Moore, in his "Life of Sheridan," says that he (Sheridan) "had a sort of +hereditary fancy for difficult trifling in poetry; particularly to that +sort which consists in rhyming to the same word through a long string of +couplets, till every rhyme that the language supplies for it is +exhausted," a task which must have required great patience and +perseverance. Moore quotes some dozen lines entitled "To Anne," wherein a +lady is made to bewail the loss of her trunk, and she thus rhymes her +lamentations: + + "Have you heard, my dear Anne, how my spirits are sunk? + Have you heard of the cause? Oh, the loss of my trunk! + From exertion or firmness I've never yet slunk, + But my fortitude's gone with the loss of my trunk! + Stout Lucy, my maid, is a damsel of spunk, + Yet she weeps night and day for the loss of my trunk! + I'd better turn nun, and coquet with a monk, + For with whom can I flirt without aid from my trunk? + + * * * * * * * + + Accursed be the thief, the old rascally hunks, + Who rifles the fair, and lays hold on their trunks! + He who robs the king's stores of the least bit of junk, + Is hanged--while he's safe who has plundered my trunk! + There's a phrase among lawyers when _nunc_'s put for _tunc_; + But _nunc_ and _tunc_ both, must I grieve for my trunk! + Huge leaves of that great commentator, old Brunck, + Perhaps was the paper that lined my poor trunk!" &c. &c. + +From another of these trifles of Sheridan, Moore gives the following +extracts: + + "Muse, assist me to complain, + While I grieve for Lady Jane; + I ne'er was in so sad a vein, + Deserted now by Lady Jane. + + Lord Petre's house was built by Payne, + No mortal architect made Jane. + If hearts had windows, through the pane + Of mine, you'd see Lady Jane. + + At breakfast I could scarce refrain + From tears at missing Lady Jane; + Nine rolls I ate, in hope to gain + The roll that might have fallen to Jane." + +John Skelton, a poet of the fifteenth century, in great repute as a wit +and satirist, was inordinately fond of writing in lines of three or four +syllables, and also of iteration of rhyme. This perhaps was the cause of +his writing much that was mere doggerel, as this style scarcely admits of +the conveyance of serious sentiment. Occasionally, however, his miniature +lines are interesting, as in this address to Mrs. Margaret Hussey: + + "Merry Margaret, + As midsummer flower, + Gentle as falcon, + Or hawk of the tower, + With solace and gladness, + Much mirth and no madness, + All good and no badness, + So joyously, + So maidenly, + So womanly, + Her demeaning, + In everything + Far, far passing + That I can indite + Or suffice to write + Of merry Margaret, + As midsummer flower, + Gentle as falcon, + Or hawk of the tower." + +The following national pasquinade we find in Egerton Brydges' "Censura +Literaria Restituta," written in commemoration of the failure of Spain by +her Invincible Armada to invade Britain. The iteration of metre is all +that approaches in it to the style of Skelton, of whose verse it is an +imitation: + + "A Skeltonical salutation + Or condign gratulation, + At the just vexation + Of the Spanish nation, + That in a bravado + Spent many a crusado + In setting forth an Armado + England to invado. + Pro cujus memoria + Ye may well be soria, + Full small may be your gloria + When ye shall hear this storia, + Then will ye cry and roria, + We shall see her no moria. + O king of Spaine! + Is it not a paine + To thy hearte and braine, + And every vaine, + To see thy traine + For to sustaine + Withouten gaine, + The world's disdaine; + Which despise + As toies and lies, + With shoutes and cries, + Thy enterprise; + As fitter for pies + And butterflies + Then men so wise? + O waspish king! + Where's now thy sting. + The darts or sling, + Or strong bowstring, + That should us wring, + And under bring? + Who every way + Thee vexe and pay + And beare the sway + By night and day, + To thy dismay + In battle array, + And every fray? + O pufte with pride! + What foolish guide + Made thee provide + To over-ride + This land so wide, + From side to side; + And then untride, + Away to slide, + And not to abide; + But all in a ring + Away to fling?" + &c. &c. + +EPITAPH ON DR. WILLIAM MAGINN. + + "Here, early to bed, lies kind William Maginn, + Who with genius, wit, learning, life's trophies to win, + Had neither great lord, nor rich cit of his kin, + Nor discretion to set himself up as to tin; + So his portion soon spent, like the poor heir of Lynn, + He turned author, ere yet there was beard on his chin; + And whoever was out, or whoever was in, + For your Tories his fine Irish brains he would spin; + Who received prose and verse with a promising grin, + 'Go a-head, you queer fish, and more power to your fin!' + But to save from starvation stirr'd never a pin. + Light for long was his heart, tho' his breeches were thin, + Else his acting, for certain, was equal to Quin: + But at last he was beat, and sought help of the bin: + (All the same to the doctor, from claret to gin!) + Which led swiftly to gaol, with consumption therein. + It was much, when the bones rattled loose in the skin, + He got leave to die here, out of Babylon's din.[8] + Barring drink and the girls, I ne'er heard of a sin,-- + Many worse, better few, than bright, broken Maginn!" + +THE MUSICAL ASS. + + "The fable which I now present, + Occurred to me by accident: + And whether bad or excellent, + Is merely so by accident. + + A stupid ass this morning went + Into a field by accident: + And cropped his food, and was content, + Until he spied by accident + A flute, which some oblivious gent + Had left behind by accident; + When, sniffing it with eager scent, + He breathed on it by accident, + And made the hollow instrument + Emit a sound by accident. + 'Hurrah, hurrah!' exclaimed the brute, + 'How cleverly I play the flute!' + + A fool, in spite of nature's bent, + May shine for once,--by accident." + +The above is a translation from the "Fabulas Litterarias" of Tomaso de +Yriarte (1750-1790). Yriarte conceived the idea of making moral truths the +themes for fables in the style of Æsop, and these he composed in every +variety of verse which seemed at all suitable. Even when the leading idea +presents no remarkable incident, Yriarte's fables please by their +simplicity. + +BOXIANA. + + "I hate the very name of box; + It fills me full of fears; + It minds me of the woes I've felt + Since I was young in years. + + They sent me to a Yorkshire school, + Where I had many knocks; + For there my schoolmates box'd my ears, + Because I could not box. + + I packed my box; I picked the locks, + And ran away to sea; + And very soon I learnt to box + The compass merrily. + + I came ashore; I called a coach + And mounted on the box: + The coach upset against a post, + And gave me dreadful knocks. + + I soon got well; in love I fell, + And married Martha Box; + To please her will, at famed Box Hill + I took a country box. + + I had a pretty garden there, + All bordered round with box; + But ah! alas! there lived next door + A certain Captain Knox. + + He took my wife to see the play;-- + They had a private box: + I jealous grew, and from that day + I hated Captain Knox. + + I sold my house; I left my wife; + And went to Lawyer Fox, + Who tempted me to seek redress + All from a jury-box. + + I went to law, whose greedy maw + Soon emptied my strong box; + I lost my suit, and cash to boot, + All through that crafty Fox. + + The name of box I therefore dread, + I've had so many shocks; + They'll never end; for when I'm dead + They'll nail me in a box." + +THE RULING POWER. + + "Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! + Bright and yellow, hard and cold, + Molten, graven, hammered, and rolled; + Heavy to get, and light to hold; + Hoarded, bartered, bought and sold, + Stolen, borrowed, squandered, doled; + Spurned by the young, but hugged by the old, + To the very verge of the churchyard mould; + Price of many a crime untold; + Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! + Good or bad, a thousandfold!" + --_T. Hood._ + +NAHUM FAY ON THE LOSS OF HIS WIFE. + + "Just eighteen years ago this day, + Attired in all her best array-- + For she was airy, young, and gay, + And loved to make a grand display, + While I the charges would defray-- + My _Cara Sposa_ went astray; + By night eloping in a sleigh, + With one whose name begins with J, + Resolved with me she would not stay, + And be subjected to my sway; + Because I wish'd her to obey, + Without reluctance or delay, + And never interpose her nay, + Nor any secrets e'er betray. + But wives will sometimes have their way, + And cause, if possible, a fray; + Then who so obstinate as they? + She therefore left my house for aye, + Before my hairs had turned to gray, + Or I'd sustained the least decay, + Which caused at first some slight dismay: + For I considered it foul play. + Now where she's gone I cannot say, + For I've not seen her since the day + When Johnston took her in his sleigh, + To his seductive arts a prey, + And posted off to Canada. + Now when her conduct I survey, + And in the scale of justice weigh, + Who blames me, if I do inveigh + Against her to my dying day? + But live as long as live I may, + I've always purposed not to pay + (Contract whatever debts she may) + A shilling for her; but I pray + That when her body turns to clay, + If mourning friends should her convey + To yonder graveyard, they'll not lay + Her body near to Nahum Fay." + +THE RADENOVITCH. + +A SONG OF A NEW DANCE. + + "Are you anxious to bewitch? + You must learn the Radenovitch! + Would you gain of fame a niche? + You must dance the Radenovitch! + 'Mong the noble and the rich, + All the go's the Radenovitch! + It has got to such a pitch, + All must dance the Radenovitch! + If without a flaw or hitch + You can dance the Radenovitch, + Though you've risen from the ditch + (Yet have learned the Radenovitch), + You'll get on without a hitch, + Dancing of the Radenovitch. + If for glory you've an itch, + Learn to dance the Radenovitch; + And, though corns may burn and twitch, + While you foot the Radenovitch; + In your side though you've a stitch, + All along o' the Radenovitch, + You will gain an eminence which + You will owe the Radenovitch! + Therefore let the Maitre's switch + Teach your toes the Radenovitch!" + +FOOTMAN JOE. + + "Would you see a man that's slow? + Come and see our footman Joe: + Most unlike the bounding roe, + Or an arrow from a bow, + Or the flight direct of crow, + Is the pace of footman Joe; + Crabs that hobble to and fro, + In their motions copy Joe. + Snails, contemptuous as they go, + Look behind and laugh at Joe. + An acre any man may mow, + Ere across it crawleth Joe. + Trip on light fantastic toe, + Ye that tripping like, for Joe; + Measured steps of solemn woe + Better suit with solid Joe. + Danube, Severn, Trent, and Po, + Backward to their source will flow + Ere despatch be made by Joe. + Letters to a Plenipo + Send not by our footman Joe. + Would you Job's full merit know, + Ring the bell, and wait for Joe; + Whether it be king or no, + 'Tis just alike to lazy Joe. + Legal process none can show, + If your lawyer move like Joe. + Death, at last, our common foe, + Must trip up the heels of Joe; + And a stone shall tell--'Below, + Hardly changed, still sleepeth Joe. + Loud shall the final trumpet blow, + But the last corner will be Joe!'" + --_G. Hebert._ + +TO A LADY + +WHO ASKED FOR A POEM OF NINETY LINES. + + "Task a horse beyond his strength + And the horse will fail at length; + Whip a dog, the poor dog whines-- + Yet you ask for ninety lines. + + Though you give me ninety quills, + Built me ninety paper-mills, + Showed me ninety inky Rhines, + I could not write ninety lines. + + Ninety miles I'd walk for you, + Till my feet were black and blue; + Climb high hills, and dig deep mines, + But I can't write ninety lines. + + Though my thoughts were thick as showers, + Plentiful as summer flowers, + Clustering like Italian vines, + I could not write ninety lines. + + When you have drunk up the sea, + Floated ships in cups of tea, + Plucked the sun from where it shines, + Then I'll write you ninety lines. + + Even the bard who lives on rhyme, + Teaching silly words to chime, + Seldom sleeps, and never dines,-- + He could scarce write ninety lines. + + Well you know my love is such, + You could never ask too much; + Yet even love itself declines + Such a work as ninety lines. + + Though you frowned with ninety frowns, + Bribed me with twice ninety towns, + Offered me the starry signs, + I could not write ninety lines. + + Many a deed I've boldly done + Since my race of life begun; + But my spirit peaks and pines + When it thinks of ninety lines. + + Long I hope for thee and me + Will our lease of this world be; + But though hope our fate entwines, + Death will come ere ninety lines. + + Ninety songs the birds will sing, + Ninety beads the child will string; + But his life the poet tines, + If he aims at ninety lines. + + Ask me for a thousand pounds, + Ask me for my house and grounds; + Levy all my wealth in fines, + But don't ask for ninety lines. + + I have ate of every dish-- + Flesh of beast, and bird, and fish; + Briskets, fillets, knuckles, chines, + But eating won't make ninety lines. + + I have drunk of every cup, + Till I drank whole vineyards up; + German, French, and Spanish wines, + But drinking won't make ninety lines. + + Since, then, you have used me so, + To the Holy Land I'll go; + And at all the holy shrines + I shall pray for ninety lines. + + Ninety times a long farewell, + All my love I could not tell, + Though 'twas multiplied by nines, + Ninety times these ninety lines." + --_H. G. Bell._ + +We give the following curious old ballad a place here, not only on account +of the iteration of rhyme, but also as the original of the macaronic +verses on p. 95: + +THE WIG AND THE HAT. + + "The elderly gentleman's here, + With his cane, his wig, and his hat; + A good-humoured man all declare, + But then he's o'erloaded with fat. + + By the side of a murmuring stream + This elderly gentleman sat + On the top of his head was his wig, + And a-top of his wig was his hat. + + The wind it blew high and blew strong, + As this elderly gentleman sat, + And bore front his head in a trice + And plunged in the river his hat. + + The gentleman then took his cane, + Which lay on his lap as he sat, + And dropped in the river his wig + In attempting to get out his hat. + + Cool reflection at length came across, + While this elderly gentleman sat; + So he thought he would follow the stream, + And look for his fine wig and hat. + + His breast it grew cold with despair, + And full in his eye madness sat; + So he flung in the river his cane, + To swim with his wig and his hat. + + His head, being thicker than common, + O'er-balanced the rest of his fat, + And in plunged this son of a woman + To follow his wig, cane, and hat. + + A Newfoundland dog was at hand-- + No circumstance could be more pat-- + The old man he brought safe to land, + Then fetched out his wig, cane, and hat. + + The gentleman, dripping and cold, + Seem'd much like a half-drowned rat, + But praised his deliverer so bold, + Then adjusted his cane, wig, and hat. + + Now homeward the gentleman hied, + But neither could wear wig or hat; + The dog followed close at his side, + Fawn'd, waggled his tail, and all that. + + The gentleman, filled with delight, + The dog's master hastily sought; + Two guineas set all things to right, + For that sum his true friend he bought. + + From him the dog never would part, + But lived much caressed for some years; + Till levelled by Death's fatal dart, + When the gentleman shed many tears. + + Then buried poor Tray in the Green. + And placed o'er the grave a small stone, + Whereon a few lines may be seen, + Expressive of what he had done." + + + + +_ANAGRAMS._ + + +Anagrams are curious and frequently clever examples of formal literary +trifling. Camden, in his "Remains," gave to the world a treatise showing +that in his day anagrams were endowed with an undue and superstitious +importance, being regarded as nothing less than the occult and mysterious +finger of Fate, revealed in the names of men. + +"The only quintessence," says this old writer, "that hitherto the alchemy +of wit could draw out of names, is _anagrammatisme_ or _metagrammatisme_, +which is the dissolution of a name, truly written, into the letters as its +elements, and a new connection of it by artificial transposition, without +addition, subtraction, or change of any letter, into different words, +making some perfect sense applicable to the person named." Precise +anagrammatists adhere strictly to these rules, with the exception of +omitting or retaining the letter _h_ according to their convenience, +alleging that _h_ cannot claim the rights of a letter; others, again, +think it no injury sometimes to use _e_ for _æ_, _v_ for _w_, _s_ for _z_, +_c_ for _k_, and contrariwise, and several of the instances which follow +will be found variously imperfect. Camden calls the charming difficulty of +making an anagram, "the whetstone of patience to them that shall practise +it; for some have been seen to bite their pen, scratch their head, bend +their brows, bite their lips, beat the board, tear their paper, when the +names were fair for somewhat, and caught nothing therein,--yet, +notwithstanding the sour sort of critics, good anagrams yield a delightful +comfort and pleasant motion to honest minds." + +Camden places the origin of the anagram as far back as the time of Moses, +and conjectures that it may have had some share in the mystical +traditions, afterwards called the "Cabala," communicated by the Jewish +lawgiver. One part of the art of the cabalists lay in what they called +_themuru_--that is, changing--or finding the hidden and mystical meaning +in names, which they did by transposing and fantastically combining the +letters in those names. Thus of the letters of Noah's name in Hebrew they +made _Grace_, and of the Messiah's _He shall rejoice_. Whether the above +origin be theoretical or not, the anagram can be traced to the age of +Lycophron, a Greek writer, who flourished about 300 B.C. + +Among the moderns, the French have most cultivated the anagram. Camden +says: "They exceedingly admire the anagram, for the deep and far-fetched +antiquity and mystical meaning therein. In the reign of Francis the First +(when learning began to revive), they began to distil their wits therein." +There is a curious anecdote of an anagrammatist who presented a king of +France with the two following upon his name of Bourbon: + + Borbonius, Borbonius, + _Bonus orbi_; or _Orbus boni_; + +That is, "Bourbon good to the world;" or "Bourbon destitute of good;" +while on another celebrated Frenchman we have-- + + Voltaire, + _O alte vir_. + +Southey, in his "Doctor," says that "anagrams are not likely ever again to +hold so high a place among the prevalent pursuits of literature as they +did in the seventeenth century. But no person," he continues, "will ever +hit upon an apt one without feeling that degree of pleasure with which any +odd coincidence is remarked." In that century, indeed, the artifice +appears to have become the fashionable literary passion of the day--the +amusement of the learned and the wise, who sought + + "To purchase fame, + In keen iambics and mild anagram." + +While Andreas Rudiger was yet a student at college, and intending to +become a physician, he one day pulled the Latinised form of his name to +pieces, Andreas Rudigeras, and borrowing an _i_, transposed it into _Arare +Rus Dei Dignus_ ("Worthy to cultivate the land of God"). He fancied from +this that he had a divine call to become an ecclesiastic, and thereupon +gave up the study of medicine for theology. Soon after, Rudiger became +tutor in the family of the philosopher Thomasius, who one day told him +"that he would greatly benefit the journey of his life by turning it +towards physic." Rudiger confessed that his tastes lay rather in that +direction than to theology, but having looked upon the anagram of his name +as an indication of a divine call, he had not dared to turn away from +theology. "How simple you have been," replied Thomasius; "it is just that +very anagram which calls you towards medicine--'_Rus Dei_,' the land of +God (God's acre), what is that but the cemetery--and who labours so +bravely for the cemetery as a physician does?" Rudiger could not resist +this, returned to medicine, and became famous as a physician. + +An anagram on Monk, afterwards Duke of Albemarle on the restoration of +Charles II., forms also a chronogram, including the date of the event it +records-- + + Georgius Monke, Dux de Aumarle-- + _Ego Regem reduxi, anno sa_ MDCLVV. + +In this anagram the _c_ takes the place of the _k_. + +The old Puritan biographer, Cotton Mather, claims for John Wilson--the +subject of one of his lives--the kingship of anagrammatising. "Of all the +anagrammatisers," he says in the third book of his "Magnalia Christi +Americana," "that have been trying their fancies for the 2000 years that +have run out since the days of Lycophron, or the more than 5000 since the +days of our first father, I believe there never was a man that made so +many, or so nimbly, as our Mr. Wilson; who, together with his quick turns +upon the names of his friends, would ordinarily _fetch_, and rather than +_lose_, would even _force_, devout instructions out of his anagrams. As +one, upon hearing my father (Increase Mather) preach, Mr. Wilson +immediately gave him that anagram upon his name 'Crescentius Matherus,' +_Eu! Christus Merces Tua_ (Lo! Christ is thy reward). There would scarcely +occur the name of any remarkable person without an anagram raised +thereupon." + +This said John Wilson "forced instruction" out of his own name--first +rendering it into Latin, Johannes Wilsonus, he found this anagram in it, +"_In uno Jesu nos salvi_" (We are saved in one Jesus). This mode of +Latinising names was common enough among those who liked this literary +folly; thus we have Sir Robert Viner, or Robertus Vinerus, rendered "_Vir +Bonus et Rarus_" (a good and rare man). The disciples of Descartes made a +perfect anagram upon the Latinised name of their master, "Renatus +Cartesius," one which not only takes up every letter, but which also +expresses their opinion of that master's speciality--"_Tu scis res +naturæ_" (Thou knowest the things of nature). + +Pierre de St. Louis became a Carmelite monk on discovering that his name +yielded a direction to that effect: + + Ludovicus Bartelemi-- + _Carmelo se devolvit_. + +And, in the seventeenth century, André Pujom, finding that his name +spelled _Pendu à Riom_, fulfilled his destiny by cutting somebody's throat +in Auvergne, and was actually hung at Riom, the seat of justice in that +province. + +Occasionally when the anagram of a name did not make sense, there was +added a rhyme to bring out a meaning. Thus, in a sermon preached by Dr. +Edward Reynolds upon Peter Whalley, and entitled "Death's Advantage," +every letter of the name is to be found in the first line of this verse: + + "_They reap well_, + That Heaven obtain; + Who sow like thee, + Ne'er sow in vain." + +In this sermon Peter Whalley is also anagrammatised into _A Whyte +Perle_--this would not be a bad one, if orthography were of as little +consequence as many of the old triflers in this way used to account it. + +We read that when Alexander the Great was baffled before the walls of +Tyre, and was about to raise the siege, he had a dream wherein he saw a +satyr leaping about and trying to seize him. He consulted his sages, who +read in the word Satyrus (the Greek for satyr), "_Sa Tyrus_"--"Tyre is +thine!" Encouraged by this interpretation, Alexander made another assault +and carried the city. + +In a "New Help to Discourse" (London, 1684), there is one with a very +quaint exposition: + +TOAST--A SOTT. + + "A _toast_ is like _a sot_; or what is most + Comparative, _a sot_ is like a _toast_; + For when their substances in liquor sink, + Both properly are said to be in drink." + +It will be seen, however, that anagrams have chiefly been made upon proper +names, and a reversing of their letters may sometimes pay the owner a +compliment; as of the poet Waller: + + "His brows with laurel need not to be bound, + Since in his _name_ with _laurel_ he is crowned." + +George Thompson, the well-known anti-slavery advocate, was at one time +solicited to go into parliament for the more efficient serving of the +cause he had so much at heart. The question whether he would comply with +this request or not was submitted to his friends, and one of them gave the +following for answer: + + George Thompson, + _O go, the Negro's M.P._! + +This clever instance was given in "Notes and Queries" a short time ago: + + Thomas Carlyle, + _A calm holy rest_. + +The following are additional instances. + + Sir Francis Bacon, Lord Keeper-- + _Is born and elect for a rich speaker_. + +When, at the General Peace of 1814, Prussia absorbed a portion of Saxony, +the king issued a new coinage of rix dollars, with their German name, _Ein +Reichstahler_, impressed on them. The Saxons, by dividing the word, _Ein +Reich stahl er_, made a sentence of which the meaning is, "He stole a +kingdom!" + +A good one is-- + + Henry John Templeton, Viscount Palmerston, + _Only the Tiverton M.P. can help in our mess_. + +If we take from the words, _La Revolution Française_, the word _veto_, +known as the first prerogative of Louis XIV., the remaining letters will +form "_Un Corse la finira_"--_A Corsican shall end it_, and this may be +regarded as an extraordinary coincidence, if nothing more. Many anagrams +were made upon the name of Napoleon by superstitious persons, as-- + + Napoleon Bonaparte {_Bona rapta, leno, pone._ + {_No, appear not at Elba._ + + Louis Napoleon Bonaparte. + _Arouse, Albion, an open plot._ + +A very apt anagram is the one founded upon--Sir Edmundbury Godfrey, _I +find murdered by rogues_. + +EVIL. + + "If you transpose what ladies wear, _Veil._ + 'Twill plainly show what bad folks are; _Vile._ + Again if you transpose the same, + You'll see an ancient Hebrew name; _Levi._ + Change it again, and it will show + What all on earth desire to do; _Live._ + Transpose the letters yet once more, + What bad men do you'll then explore." _Evil._ + +The following are very apposite-- + + Sir Robert Peel, + _Terrible Poser_. + Christianity, + _It's in charity_. + Poorhouse, + _O sour hope_. + Soldiers, + _Lo! I dress_. + Notes and Queries, + _A question sender_. + Solemnity, + _Yes, Milton_. + Determination, + _I mean to rend it_. + Elegant, + _Neat leg_. + Matrimony, + _Into my arm_. + Misanthrope, + _Spare him not_. + Radical reform, + _Rare mad frolic_. + Melodrama, + _Made moral_. + Arthur Wellesley, + _Truly he'll see war_. + The Field Marshall the Duke, + _The Duke shall arm the field_. + Monarch, + _March on_. + Charades, + _Hard case_. + David Livingstone, + _Go (D. V.) and visit the Nile_. + Stones, + _Notes_. + + + + +_THE ACROSTIC._ + + +Acrostic is the Greek name given to a poem the first letters of the lines +in which taken together form a complete word or sentence, but most +frequently a name. The invention of this kind of composition cannot be +traced to any particular individual, but it is believed to have originated +on the decline of pure classic literature. The early French poets, from +the time of Francis I. to that of Louis XIV., practised it, but it was +carried to its greatest perfection by the Elizabethan poets. Sir John +Davies has no fewer than twenty-six poems entitled "Hymns to Astræa," +every one of which is an acrostic on the words, "Elizabetha Regina." +Traces of something akin are to be found in the poetry of the Jews,--for +example, the 119th Psalm,--and also in the Greek "Anthology." Here it may +be noted that in Greek the word _Adam_ is compounded of the initial +letters of the four cardinal points: + + Arktos = north, + Dusis = west, + Anatolê = east, + Mesembria = south; + +and that the Hebrew word, ADM forms the acrostic of A[dam], D[avid], +M[essiah]. + +It is hardly necessary to give many specimens of this kind of literary +composition in these days, since there are so many periodicals continually +giving acrostics and relative verses, and a very few instances may +suffice. The following old verses were originally written in a copy of +Parkhurst's poems presented by the author to Thomas Buttes, who himself +wrote this acrostic on his own name: + + "_T_he longer lyfe that man on earth enjoyes, + _H_is God so much the more hee dooth offende; + _O_ffending God, no doubt, mannes soule destroyes; + _M_annes soule destroyed, his torments have no ende; + _A_nd endles torments sinners must endure, + _S_ith synne Gods wrath agaynst us doth procure. + + _B_eware, therefore, O wretched sinfull Wight, + _U_se well thy toongue, doo well, think not amysse; + _T_o God praye thou to guyde thee by his spright, + _T_hat thou mayest treade the path of perfect blisse. + _E_mbrace thou Christe, by faythe and fervent love, + _S_o shalt thou reyne with hym in heaven above. + + Thomas Buttes + havying the first letter of everie lyne + begynnyng with a letter of his name." + +A SONG OF REJOYSING FOR THE PROSPEROUS REIGNE OF OUR MOST GRATIOUS +SOVERAIGNE LADY, QUEENE ELIZABETH. + + "G Geve laude unto the Lorde, + And prayse His holy name + O O let us all with one accorde + Now magnifie the same + D Due thanks unto Him yeeld + Who evermore hath beene + + S So strong defence buckler and shielde + To our most Royall Queene. + A And as for her this daie + Each where about us rounde + V Up to the skie right solemnelie + The bells doe make a sounde + E Even so let us rejoice + Before the Lord our King + + T To him let us now frame our voyce + With chearefull hearts to sing. + H Her Majesties intent + By thy good grace and will + E Ever O Lorde hath bene most bent + Thy lawe for to fulfil + + Q Quite Thou that loving minde + With love to her agayne + U Unto her as Thou hast beene kinde + O Lord so still remaine. + E Extende Thy mightie hand + Against her mortall foes + E Expresse and shewe that Thou wilt stand + With her against all those + N Nigh unto her abide + Upholde her scepter strong + E Eke graunt us with a joyfull guide + She may continue long. + Amen." + +The next is from Planché's "Songs and Poems:" + +TO BEATRICE. + + "_B_eauty to claim, amongst the fairest place, + _E_nchanting manner, unaffected grace, + _A_rch without malice, merry but still wise, + _T_ruth ever on her lips as in her eyes; + _R_eticent not from sullenness or pride, + _I_ntensity of feeling but to hide; + _C_an any doubt such being there may be? + _E_ach line I pen, points, matchless maid, to thee!" + +Mdlle. Rachel was the recipient of the most delicate compliment the +acrostic has ever been employed to convey. A diadem was presented to her, +so arranged that the initial of the name of each stone was also the +initial of one of her principal _rôles_, and in their order formed her +name-- + + _R_uby, _R_oxana, + _A_methyst, _A_menaide, + _C_ornelian, _C_amille, + _H_ematite, _H_ermione, + _E_merald, _E_milie, + _L_apis lazuli, _L_aodice. + +The following is an ingenious combination of acrostic and telestic +combined: + + "_U_nite and untie are the same--so say yo_u_ + _N_ot in wedlock, I ween, has the unity bee_n_ + _I_n the drama of marriage, each wandering gou_t_ + _T_o a new face would fly--all except you and _I_ + _E_ach seeking to alter the _spell_ in their scen_e_." + +Edgar A. Poe was the author of a complicated poem of this class, in which +the first letter in the lady's name is the first in the first line; the +second, second in the second line; the third, third in the third line, and +so on-- + +A VALENTINE. + +(_Frances Sargent Osgood._) + + "For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes, + Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda, + Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies + Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader. + Search narrowly the lines!--they hold a treasure + Divine--a talisman--an amulet + That must be worn _at heart_. Search well the measure-- + The words--the syllables! Do not forget + The trivialest point, or you may lose your labour! + And yet there is in this no Gordian knot + Which one might not undo without a sabre, + If one could merely comprehend the plot. + Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering + Eye's scintillating soul, there lie _perdus_ + Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing + Of poets by poets--as the name is a poet's, too, + Its letters, although naturally lying + Like the Knight Pinto--Mendez Ferdinando-- + Still form a synonym for Truth. Cease trying! + You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you _can_ do!" + + + + +_ALLITERATIVE AND ALPHABETIC VERSE._ + + +There are some clever lines which illustrate this style on the Bunker Hill +Monument celebration: + + "Americans arrayed and armed attend + Beside battalions bold, bright beauties blend, + Chiefs, clergy, citizens, conglomerate,-- + Detesting despots,--daring deeds debate; + Each eye emblazoned ensigns entertain,-- + Flourishing from far, fan freedom's flame. + Guards greeting guards grown gray,--guest greeting guest. + High-minded heroes hither homeward haste, + Ingenuous juniors join in jubilee, + Kith kenning kin, kind knowing kindred key. + Lo, lengthened lines lend Liberty liege love, + Mixed masses, marshalled, Monumentward move. + Note noble navies near--no novel notion + Oft our oppressors overawed old Ocean; + Presumptuous princes pristine patriots paled, + Queen's quarrel questing quotas, quondam quailed. + Rebellion roused, revolting ramparts rose. + Stout spirits, smiting servile soldiers, strove. + These thrilling themes, to thousands truly told, + Usurpers' unjust usages unfold. + Victorious vassals, vauntings vainly veiled, + Where, whilesince, Webster warlike Warren wailed. + 'Xcuse 'xpletives, 'xtra queer 'xpressed, + Yielding Yankee yeomen Zest." + +PRINCE CHARLES AFTER CULLODEN. + + "All ardent acts affright an age abased + By brutal broils, by braggart bravery braced. + Craft's cankered courage changed Culloden's cry; + 'Deal deep' deposed 'deal death'--'decoy'--'defy!' + Enough. Ere envy enters England's eyes, + Fancy's false future fades, for Fortune flies. + Gaunt, gloomy, guarded, grappling giant griefs, + Here hunted hard, his harassed heart he heaves; + In impious ire incessant ills invests, + Judging Jove's jealous judgments, jaundiced jests! + Kneel kirtled knight! keep keener kingcraft known, + Let larger lore life's levelling lesson's loan; + Marauders must meet malefactors' meeds. + No nation noisy nonconformists needs. + O, oracles of old! our orb ordain + Peace's possession--Plenty's palmy plain! + Quiet Quixotic quests; quell quarrelling; + Rebuke red riot's resonant rifle ring. + Slumber seems strangely sweet since silence smote + The threatening thunders throbbing through their throat. + Usurper! under uniform unwont + Vail valour's vaguest venture, vainest vaunt. + Well wot we which were wise. War's wildfire won + Ximenes, Xerxes, Xavier, Xenophon: + Yet you, ye yearning youth, your young years yield + Zuinglius' zealous zest--Zinzendorf Zion-zealed." + +AN ANIMAL ALPHABET. + + "Alligator, beetle, porcupine, whale, + Bobolink, panther, dragon-fly, snail, + Crocodile, monkey, buffalo, hare, + Dromedary, leopard, mud-turtle, bear, + Elephant, badger, pelican, ox, + Flying-fish, reindeer, anaconda, fox, + Guinea-pig, dolphin, antelope, goose, + Humming-bird, weasel, pickerel, moose, + Ibex, rhinoceros, owl, kangaroo, + Jackal, opossum, toad, cockatoo, + Kingfisher, peacock, anteater, bat, + Lizard, ichneumon, honey-bee, rat, + Mocking-bird, camel, grasshopper, mouse, + Nightingale, spider, cuttle-fish, grouse, + Ocelot, pheasant, wolverine, auk, + Periwininkle, ermine, katydid, hawk, + Quail, hippopotamus, armadillo, moth, + Rattlesnake, lion, woodpecker, sloth, + Salamander, goldfinch, angleworm, dog, + Tiger, flamingo, scorpion, frog, + Unicorn, ostrich, nautilus, mole, + Viper, gorilla, basilisk, sole, + Whippoorwill, beaver, centipede, fawn, + Xantho, canary, polliwog, swan, + Yellowhammer, eagle, hyena, lark, + Zebra, chameleon, butterfly, shark." + +Of affected alliteration as used by modern poets, there is a very good +imitation of Swinburne's style in Bayard Taylor's "Diversions of the Echo +Club,"[9] where Galahad chants "in rare and rhythmic redundancy, the +viciousness of virtue:" + +THE LAY OF MACARONI. + + "As a wave that steals when the winds are stormy + From creek to cove of the curving shore, + Buffeted, blown, and broken before me, + Scattered and spread to its sunlit core. + As a dove that dips in the dark of maples, + To sip the sweetness of shelter and shade, + I kneel in thy nimbus, O noon of Naples, + I bathe in thine beauty, by thee embayed. + + What is it ails me that I should sing of her? + The queen of the flashes and flames that were! + Yea, I have felt the shuddering sting of her, + The flower-sweet throat and the hands of her! + I have swayed and sung to the sound of her psalters, + I have danced her dances of dizzy delight, + I have hallowed mine hair to the horns of her altars, + Between the nightingale's song and the night! + + What is it, Queen, that now I should do for thee? + What is it now I should ask at thine hands? + Blow of the trumpets thine children once blew for thee + Break from thine feet and thine bosom the bands? + Nay, as sweet as the songs of Leone Leoni, + And gay as her garments of gem-sprinkled gold, + She gives me mellifluous, mild macaroni, + The choice of her children when cheeses are old! + + And over me hover, as if by the wings of it, + Frayed in the furnace by flame that is fleet, + The curious coils and the strenuous strings of it, + Dropping, diminishing down, as I eat; + Lo! and the beautiful Queen, as she brings of it, + Lifts me the links of the limitless chain, + Bidding mine mouth chant the splendidest things of it, + Out of the wealth of my wonderful brain! + + Behold! I have done it; my stomach is smitten + With sweets of the surfeit her hands have enrolled. + Italia, mine cheeks with thine kisses are bitten: + I am broken with beauty, stabbed, slaughtered, and sold! + No man of thy millions is more macaronied, + Save mighty Mazzini, than musical Me: + The souls of the Ages shall stand as astonied, + And faint in the flame I am fanning for thee!" + +The above reminds of the anecdote told of Mrs. Crawford, who is said to +have written one line of her "Kathleen Mavourneen," on purpose to confound +the Cockney warblers, who would sing it-- + + "The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill;" + +and again, in Moore's "Ballad Stanzas": + + "If there's peace to be found in the world, + A 'eart that was 'umble might 'ope for it 'ere!" + +Or-- + + "Ha helephant heasily heats hat his hease + Hunder humbrageous humbrella trees!" + +In the number of "Society" for April 23, 1881, there appeared several +excellent specimens of alliterative verse, in compliance with a +competition instituted by that paper for certain prizes--the selected +verses all begin with the letter _b_: + + "Bloom, beauteous blossoms, budding bowers beneath! + Behold, Boreas' bitter blast by brief + Bright beams becalmed; balmy breezes breathe, + Banishing blight, bring bliss beyond belief. + + Build, bonny birds! By bending birchen bough, + By bush, by beech, by buttressed branches bare, + By bluebell-brightened bramble-brake; bestow + Bespeckled broods; but bold bad boys beware! + + Babble, blithe brooklet! Barren borders breach, + Bathe broomy banks, bright buttercups bedew, + Briskly by bridge, by beetling bluff, by beach, + Beckoned by bravely bounding billows blue!" + --_Sir Patrick Fells._ + + "Brimming brooklets bubble, + Buoyant breezes blow, + Baby-billows breaking + Bashfully below. + + Blossom-burdened branches, + Briared banks betide, + Bright bewitching bluebells + Blooming bend beside. + + But beyond be breakers, + Bare blasts brooding black, + Bitterly bemoaning + Broken barks borne back." + --_A. M. Morgan._ + + "Beverage by bibbers blest, + Balmy beer--bewitching bane, + British brewings, boasted best, + Blunting Bacchus' brandied brain. + Bonny bumpers brimmed by beads, + Barley-born, bring blind relief, + Bubbling Bass-brewed Burton breed + Bland beguilement, bright but brief. + Bar-bought beer--bah! bitter brine-- + Barrel-broaching braves, beware! + Bid Bavaria, benign, + Better brews bold Britons bear." + --_W. H. Evans._ + +Mr. Swinburne, of whose style there has been given an imitation, is not +the only poet who is prone to alliteration--in fact, all poets are given +more or less to it, though not to the same extent. When used excessively +it is as disagreeable as any other excess, yet its occasional use +unquestionably adds to grace and style. + +Pope says on this point in the following lines, which are also +alliterative-- + + "'Tis not enough no harshness gives offence, + The sound must seem an echo to the sense. + Soft is the strain when zephyr gently blows, + And the smooth stream in smoother numbers flows; + But when loud surges lash the sounding shore, + The hoarse rough verse should like the torrent roar." + +We find this example in Tennyson: + + "The splendour falls on castle walls, + And snowy summits old in story; + The long light shakes across the lakes, + And the wild cataract leaps in glory. + Blow, bugle, blow, set the wild echoes flying; + Blow, bugle; answer, echoes, dying, dying, dying." + +Crabbe also used this ornament profusely, as: + + "Then 'cross the bounding brook they make their way + O'er its rough bridge, and there behold the bay; + The ocean smiling to the fervid sun, + The waves that faintly fall and slowly run, + The ships at distance, and the boats at hand, + And now they walk upon the seaside sand, + Counting the number, and what kind they be, + Ships softly sinking in the sleepy sea." + +Take also this from Shelley's "Ode to a Skylark:" + + "Teach me half the gladness + That my brain must know, + Such harmonious madness + From my lips would flow, + The world should listen then, as I am listening now. + + * * * * * + + Waking or asleep, + Thou of death must deem + Things more true and deep + Than we mortals dream, + Or how could thy notes flow in such a crystal stream?" + +In the numbers of "Truth" for November 1881, there appeared a variety of +excellent examples of alphabetic verses in the course of a competition, +and of these there follows one: + +A YACHT ALPHABET. + + "A was the Anchor which held fast our ship; + B was the Boatswain, with whistle to lip; + C was the Captain, who took the command; + D was the Doctor, with physic at hand; + E was the Euchre we played on the quiet; + F was the Fellow who kicked up a riot; + G was the Girl who was always so ill; + H was the Hammock from which I'd a spill + I was the Iceberg we passed on our way; + J was the Jersey I wore all the day; + K was the Keel, which was stuck on the shore; + L was the Lubber we all thought a bore; + M was the Mate, no one better I'd wish; + N was the Net in which I caught a fish; + O was the Oar which I broke--'twas so weak; + P was the Pennon which flew at our peak; + Q was the Quoit which was made out of rope; + R was the Rat which would eat all our soap; + S was the Sailor who got very tight; + T was the Tempest which came on one night; + U was the Uproar the night of the storm; + V was the Vessel we spoke in due form; + W's the Watch which the crew kept in turn; + X was Xantippe, whom each one did spurn; + Y was our Yacht, which flew through the foam; + Z was the Zany who wouldn't leave home." + + + + +_NONSENSE VERSE._ + + +The following lines have been kindly sent us by Professor E. H. Palmer, +who wrote them after a cruise on a friend's yacht, and are an abortive +attempt to get up a knowledge of nautical terms. + +THE SHIPWRECK. + + "Upon the poop the captain stands, + As starboard as may be; + And pipes on deck the topsail hands + To reef the top-sail-gallant strands + Across the briny sea. + + 'Ho! splice the anchor under-weigh!' + The captain loudly cried; + 'Ho! lubbers brave, belay! belay! + For we must luff for Falmouth Bay + Before to-morrow's tide.' + + The good ship was a racing yawl, + A spare-rigged schooner sloop, + Athwart the bows the taffrails all + In grummets gay appeared to fall, + To deck the mainsail poop. + + But ere they made the Foreland Light, + And Deal was left behind; + The wind it blew great gales that night, + And blew the doughty captain tight, + Full three sheets in the wind. + + And right across the tiller head + The horse it ran apace, + Whereon a traveller hitched and sped + Along the jib and vanishéd + To heave the trysail brace. + + What ship could live in such a sea! + What vessel bear the shock? + 'Ho! starboard port your helm-a-lee! + Ho! reef the maintop-gallant-tree, + With many a running block!' + + And right upon the Scilly Isles + The ship had run aground; + When lo! the stalwart Captain Giles + Mounts up upon the gaff and smiles, + And slews the compass round. + + 'Saved! saved!' with joy the sailors cry, + And scandalise the skiff; + As taut and hoisted high and dry + They see the ship unstoppered lie + Upon the sea-girt cliff. + + And since that day in Falmouth Bay, + As herring-fishers trawl, + The younkers hear the boatswains say + How Captain Giles that awful day + Preserved the sinking yawl." + +Mr. Charles G. Leland sends the following, with the remark that he thinks +the lines "the finest and daintiest nonsense" he ever read: + + "Thy heart is like some icy lake, + On whose cold brink I stand; + Oh, buckle on my spirit's skate, + And lead, thou living saint, the way + To where the ice is thin-- + That it may break beneath my feet + And let a lover in!" + +A short time ago in the new series of _Household Words_, a prize was +offered for the writing of Nonsense Verses of eight lines. Of the lines +sent in by the competitors we give three specimens: + + "How many strive to force a way + Where none can go save those who pay, + To verdant plains of soft delight + The homage of the silent night, + When countless stars from pole to pole + Around the earth unceasing roll + In roseate shadow's silvery hue, + Shine forth and gild the morning dew." + --_Arym._ + + "And must we really part for good, + But meet again here where we've stood? + No more delightful trysting-place, + We've watched sweet Nature's smiling face. + No more the landscape's lovely brow, + Exchange our mutual breathing vow. + Then should the twilight draw around + No loving interchange of sound." + --_Culver._ + + "Less for renown than innate love, + These to my wish must recreant prove; + Nor whilst an impulse here remain, + Can ever hope the soul to gain; + For memory scanning all the past, + Relaxes her firm bonds at last, + And gives to candour all the grace + The heart can in its temple trace." + --_Dum Spiro Spero._ + +The curious style of some versifiers has been well imitated in the +following + +BALLAD OF THE PERIOD. + + "An auld wife sat at her ivied door + (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); + A thing she had frequently done before; + And her knitting reposed on her aproned knees. + + The piper he piped on the hill-top high + (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); + Till the cow said, 'I die,' and the goose said, 'Why?' + And the dog said nothing but searched for fleas. + + The farmer's daughter hath soft brown hair + (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); + And I've met a ballad, I can't tell where, + Which mainly consisted of lines like these." + +W. S. Gilbert has some verses which are true nonsense, of which this is +one: + + "Sing for the garish eye, + When moonless brandlings cling! + Let the froddering crooner cry, + And the braddled sapster sing. + For never and never again, + Will the tottering beechlings play, + For bratticed wrackers are singing aloud, + And the throngers croon in May!" + +Mr. Lewis Carroll's "Hunting of the Snark"[10] is a very curious little +book, full of the most delicate fun and queer nonsense, with delightful +illustrations. It gives an account of how a Bellman, Boots, Barrister, +Broker, Billiard-marker, Banker, Beaver, Baker, and Butcher go a-hunting +after a mythical Beast called a "Snark." It is difficult to detach a +passage for quotation, but the following few lines will show how the +"Quest of the Snark" was purposed to be carried on: + + "To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care: + To pursue it with forks and hope; + To threaten its life with a railway share; + To charm it with smiles and soap! + + For the Snark's a peculiar creature, that won't + Be caught in a commonplace way; + Do all that you know, and try all that you don't: + Not a chance must be wasted to-day!" + +The verses which follow are from the "Comic Latin Grammar," and if they +are not nonsense they show at least how thin the partition line is between +true nonsense verse and many of those pieces which were wont to be known +by the name of Album Verses: + +LINES BY A FOND LOVER. + + "Lovely maid, with rapture swelling, + Should these pages meet thine eye, + Clouds of absence soft dispelling;-- + Vacant memory heaves a sigh. + + As the rose, with fragrance weeping, + Trembles to the tuneful wave, + So my heart shall twine unsleeping, + Till it canopies the grave. + + Though another's smile's requited, + Envious fate my doom should be; + Joy for ever disunited, + Think, ah! think, at times on me! + + Oft, amid the spicy gloaming, + Where the brakes their songs instil, + Fond affection silent roaming, + Loves to linger by the rill-- + + There, when echo's voice consoling, + Hears the nightingale complain, + Gentle sighs my lips controlling, + Bind my soul in beauty's chain. + + Oft in slumber's deep recesses, + I thy mirror'd image see; + Fancy mocks the vain caresses + I would lavish like a bee! + + But how vain is glittering sadness! + Hark, I hear distraction's knell! + Torture gilds my heart with madness! + Now for ever fare thee well!" + + + + +_LIPOGRAMS._ + + +The reading of Lope de Vega's five novels, in each of which a different +vowel is omitted, led to Lord Holland writing the following curious +production, in which no vowel is used but _e_: + +EVE'S LEGEND. + + "Men were never perfect; yet the three brethren Veres were ever + esteemed, respected, revered, even when the rest, whether the select + few, whether the mere herd, were left neglected. + + "The eldest's vessels seek the deep, stem the element, get pence; the + keen Peter when free, wedded Hester Green,--the slender, stern, + severe, erect Hester Green. The next, clever Ned, less dependent, + wedded sweet Ellen Heber. Stephen, ere he met the gentle Eve, never + felt tenderness: he kept kennels, bred steeds, rested where the deer + fed, went where green trees, where fresh breezes greeted sleep. There + he met the meek, the gentle Eve; she tended her sheep, she ever + neglected self; she never heeded pelf, yet she heeded the shepherds + even less. Nevertheless, her cheek reddened when she met Stephen; yet + decent reserve, meek respect, tempered her speech, even when she + showed tenderness. Stephen felt the sweet effect: he felt he erred + when he fled the sex, yet felt he defenceless when Eve seemed tender. + She, he reflects, never deserved neglect; she never vented spleen; he + esteems her gentleness, her endless deserts; he reverences her steps; + he greets her: + + "Tell me whence these meek, these gentle sheep,--whence the yet + meeker, the gentler shepherdess?" + + "'Well bred, we were eke better fed, ere we went where reckless men + seek fleeces. There we were fleeced. Need then rendered me + shepherdess, need renders me sempstress. See me tend the sheep, see me + sew the wretched shreds. Eve's need preserves the steers, preserves + the sheep; Eve's needle mends her dresses, hems her sheets; Eve feeds + the geese; Eve preserves the cheese.' + + "Her speech melted Stephen, yet he nevertheless esteems, reveres her. + He bent the knee where her feet pressed the green; he blessed, he + begged, he pressed her. + + "'Sweet, sweet Eve, let me wed thee; be led where Hester Green, where + Ellen Heber, where the brethren Vere dwell. Free cheer greets thee + there; Ellen's glees sweeten the refreshments; there severer Hester's + decent reserve checks heedless jests. Be led there, sweet Eve.' + + "'Never! we well remember the Seer. We went where he dwells--we + entered the cell--we begged the decree,-- + + "'Where, whenever, when, 'twere well + Eve be wedded? Eld Seer, tell! + + "'He rendered the decree; see here the sentence decreed!' Then she + presented Stephen the Seer's decree. The verses were these: + + "'_Ere the green be red, + Sweet Eve, be never wed; + Ere be green the red cheek, + Never wed thee, Eve meek._' + + "The terms perplexed Stephen, yet he jeered them. He resented the + senseless credence, 'Seers never err.' Then he repented, knelt, + wheedled, wept. Eve sees Stephen kneel, she relents, yet frets when + she remembers the Seer's decree. Her dress redeems her. These were the + events: + + "Her well-kempt tresses fell: sedges, reeds beckoned them. The reeds + fell, the edges met her cheeks; her cheeks bled. She presses the green + sedge where her cheek bleeds. Red then bedewed the green reed, the + green reed then speckled her red cheek. The red cheek seems green, + the green reed seems red. These were the terms the Eld Seer decreed + Stephen Vere. + + HERE ENDETH THE LEGEND." + +The following curious lines run in quite an opposite way to the preceding, +for each verse has been written so as to include every letter in the +alphabet but the vowel _e_: + +THE FATE OF NASSAN. + + "Bold Nassan quits his caravan, + A hazy mountain grot to scan; + Climbs jaggy rocks to spy his way, + Doth tax his sight, but far doth stray. + + Not work of man, nor sport of child, + Finds Nassan in that mazy wild; + Lax grows his joints, limbs toil in vain-- + Poor wight! why didst thou quit that plain + + Vainly for succour Nassan calls, + Know, Zillah, that thy Nassan falls; + But prowling wolf and fox may joy, + To quarry on thy Arab boy." + +Here follows a fugitive verse, written with _ease_ without _e's_: + + "A jovial swain may rack his brain, + And tax his fancy's might, + To quiz in vain, for 'tis most plain, + That what I say is right." + + + + +_CENTONES OR MOSAICS._ + + +Of this formerly favourite amusement of the learned we give several +examples, only noting here that the word "Cento" primarily signified a +cloak made of patches. + + 1. I only knew she came and went, + 2. Like troutlets in a pool; + 3. She was a phantom of delight, + 4. And I was like a fool. + + 5. One kiss, dear maid, I said, and sighed, + 6. Out of those lips unshorn, + 7. She shook her ringlets round her head + 8. And laughed in merry scorn. + + 9. Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, + 10. You heard them, O my heart; + 11. 'Tis twelve at night by the castle clock, + 12. Beloved, we must part. + + 13. "Come back, come back!" she cried in grief, + 14. My eyes are dim with tears-- + 15. How shall I live through all the days? + 16. All through a hundred years? + + 17. 'Twas in the prime of summer time, + 18. She blessed me with her hand; + 19. We strayed together, deeply blest, + 20. Into the dreaming land. + + 21. The laughing bridal roses blow, + 22. To dress her dark-brown hair; + 23. My heart is breaking with my woe, + 24. Most beautiful! most rare! + + 25. I clasped it on her sweet, cold hand, + 26. The precious golden link! + 27. I calmed her fears, and she was calm, + 28. "Drink, pretty creature, drink!" + + 29. And so I won my Genevieve, + 30. And walked in Paradise; + 31. The fairest thing that ever grew + 32. Atween me and the skies! + + 1. Powell; 2. Hood; 3. Wordsworth; 4. Eastman; 5. Coleridge; 6. + Longfellow; 7. Stoddard; 8. Tennyson; 9. Tennyson; 10. Alice Cary; 11. + Coleridge; 12. Alice Cary; 13. Campbell; 14. Bayard Taylor; 15. + Osgood; 16. T. S. Perry; 17. Hood; 18. Hoyt; 19. Edwards; 20. + Cornwall; 21. Patmore; 22. Bayard Taylor; 23. Tennyson; 24. Read; 25. + Browning; 26. Smith; 27. Coleridge; 28. Wordsworth; 29. Coleridge; 30. + Hervey; 31. Wordsworth; 32. Osgood. + +The next appeared a short time ago in one of the Edinburgh newspapers, +signed R. Fleming, and is a mosaic compilation from poems written to the +memory of Robert Burns: + + 1. Immortal bard, immortal Burns! + 2. Whose lines are mottoes of the heart; + 3. Affection loves and memory learns + 4. Thy songs "untaught by rules of art." + 5. For dear as life--as heaven--will be, + 6. As years on years successive roll; + 7. Fair types of thy rich harmony + 8. Who wrote to humanise the soul. + + 9. His lyre was sweet, majestic, grand, + 10. The pride and honour of the North; + 11. His song was of bold freedom's land, + 12. Brave Scotland, freedom's throne on earth. + + 13. Oft by the winding banks of Ayr; + 14. With sinewy arm he turned the soil; + 15. He painted Scotland's daughters fair, + 16. Through twilight shades of good and ill. + + 17. His native wild enchanting strains, + 18. Like dear memories round the hearth, + 19. Immortalise the poet's name, + 20. And few have won a greener wreath. + + 21. From John O'Groat's to 'cross the Tweed + 22. What heart hath ever matched his flame? + 23. Though rough and dark the path he trod, + 24. Long shall old Scotland keep his name. + + 25. Great master of our Doric rhyme, + 26. Though here thy course was but a span; + 27. The pealing rapturous notes sublime + 28. Binds man with fellow-man. + + 29. Peace to the dead--in Scotia's choir-- + 30. Yes, future bards shall pour the lay, + 31. Warmed with a "spark of nature's fire," + 32. While years insidious steal away. + + 1. Bennoch; 2. Campbell; 3. Imlach; 4. Gray; 5. Glen; 6. Paul; 7. + M'Laggan; 8. Tannahill; 9. Glen; 10. Allan; 11. Gilfillan; 12. Park; + 13. Wallace; 14. Roscoe; 15. Vedder; 16. Wordsworth; 17. Reid; 18. + Glass; 19. Paul; 20. Halleck; 21. Macindoe; 22. Ainslie; 23. Halleck; + 24. Kelly; 25. Gray; 26. Mercer; 27. Vedder; 28. Imlach; 29. + Montgomery; 30. Gray; 31. Rushton; 32. Gilfillan. + +The three following verses are very good: + + 1. When first I met thee, warm and young, + 2. My heart I gave thee with my hand; + 3. My name was then a magic spell, + 4. Casting a dim religious light. + + 5. But now, as we plod on our way, + 6. My heart no more with rapture swells; + 7. I would not, if I could, be gay, + 8. When earth is filled with cold farewells! + + 9. The heath this night must be my bed, + 10. Ye vales, ye streams, ye groves, adieu? + 11. Farewell for aye, e'en love is dead, + 12. Would I could add, remembrance too! + + 1. Moore; 2. Morris; 3. Norton; 4. Milton; 5. Percival; 6. M'Naughton; + 7. Rogers; 8. Patmore; 9. Scott; 10. Pope; 11. Procter; 12. Byron. + +The following is copied from "Fireside Amusements," published by the +Messrs. Chambers, every line being taken from a different poet: + + "On Linden when the sun was low, + A frog he would a-wooing go; + He sighed a sigh, and breathed a prayer, + None but the brave deserve the fair. + + A gentle knight was pricking o'er the plain, + Remote, unfriended, melancholy, slow; + Gums and pomatums shall his flight restrain, + Or who would suffer being here below. + + The younger of the sister arts + Was born on the open sea; + The rest were slain at Chevy Chase, + Under the greenwood tree. + + At morn the blackcock trims his jetty wings, + And says--remembrance saddening o'er each brow-- + Awake, my St. John! leave all meaner things! + Who would be free themselves must strike the blow! + + It was a friar of orders gray, + Still harping on my daughter: + Sister spirit, come away, + Across this stormy water. + + On the light fantastic toe, + Othello's occupation's gone; + Maid of Athens, ere I go, + Were the last words of Marmion. + + There was a sound of revelry by night + In Thebes' streets three thousand years ago; + And comely virgins came with garlands dight + To censure Fate, and pious Hope forgo. + + Oh! the young Lochinvar came out of the west, + An underbred fine-spoken fellow was he; + A back dropping in, an expansion of chest, + Far more than I once could foresee." + + + + +_ECHO VERSES._ + + +A GENTLE ECHO ON WOMAN. + +(IN THE DORIC MANNER.) + + _Shepherd._ Echo, I ween, will in the woods reply, + And quaintly answer questions: shall I try? + _Echo._ Try. + _Shep._ What must we do our passion to express? + _Echo._ Press. + _Shep._ How shall I please her, who ne'er loved before? + _Echo._ Before. + _Shep._ What most moves women when we them address? + _Echo._ A dress. + _Shep._ Say, what can keep her chaste whom I adore? + _Echo._ A door. + _Shep._ If music softens rocks, love tunes my lyre. + _Echo._ Liar. + _Shep._ Then teach me, Echo, how shall I come by her? + _Echo._ Buy her. + _Shep._ When bought, no question I shall be her dear? + _Echo._ Her dear. + _Shep._ But deer have horns: how must I keep her under? + _Echo._ Keep her under. + _Shep._ But what can glad me when she's laid on bier? + _Echo._ Beer. + _Shep._ What must I do when women will be kind? + _Echo._ Be kind. + _Shep._ What must I do when women will be cross? + _Echo._ Be cross. + _Shep._ Lord, what is she that can so turn and wind? + _Echo._ Wind. + _Shep._ If she be wind, what stills her when she blows? + _Echo._ Blows. + _Shep._ But if she bang again, still should I bang her? + _Echo._ Bang her. + _Shep._ Is there no way to moderate her anger? + _Echo._ Hang her. + _Shep._ Thanks, gentle Echo! right thy answers tell + What woman is and how to guard her well. + _Echo._ Guard her well. + +ECHO AND THE LOVER. + + _Lover._ Echo! mysterious nymph, declare + Of what you're made, and what you are. + _Echo._ Air. + _Lover._ 'Mid airy cliffs and places high; + Sweet Echo! listening love, you lie. + _Echo._ You lie. + _Lover._ Thou dost resuscitate dead sounds-- + Hark! how my voice revives, resounds! + _Echo._ Zounds! + _Lover._ I'll question thee before I go-- + Come, answer me more apropos! + _Echo._ Poh! Poh! + _Lover._ Tell me, fair nymph, if ere you saw + So sweet a girl as Phoebe Shaw? + _Echo._ Pshaw! + _Lover._ Say what will turn that frisking coney + Into the toils of matrimony? + _Echo._ Money! + _Lover._ Has Phoebe not a heavenly brow? + Is not her bosom white as snow? + _Echo._ Ass! no! + _Lover._ Her eyes! was ever such a pair? + Are the stars brighter than they are. + _Echo._ They are. + _Lover._ Echo, thou liest! but canst deceive me. + _Echo._ Leave me. + _Lover._ But come, thou saucy, pert romancer, + Who is as fair as Phoebe? Answer! + _Echo._ Ann, sir. + +The latest good verses of this class are attributed to an echo that haunts +the Sultan's palace at Constantinople. Abdul Hamid is supposed to question +it as to the intentions of the European powers and his own resources: + + "L'Angleterre? + Erre. + L'Autriche? + Triche. + La Prusse? + Russe. + Mes principautés? + Otées. + Mes cuirasses? + Assez. + Mes Pashas? + Achats. + Et Suleiman? + Ment." + --_The Athenæum._ + + + + +_WATCH-CASE VERSES._ + + +When thick watches with removable cases were in fashion, and before the +introduction of the present compact form, the outer case of the +old-fashioned "turnip" was frequently the repository of verses and sundry +devices, generally placed there by the watchmaker. Others, again, +consisted of the maker's name and address, with some appropriate maxim, +and were printed on satin or worked with the needle, and occasionally so +devised as to appear in a circle without a break, as in the following: + + "Onward + perpetually moving + These faithful hands are proving + How soft the hours steal by; + This monitory pulse-like beating, + Is oftentimes methinks repeating, + 'Swift, swift, the hours do fly.' + Ready! be ready! perhaps before + These hands have made + One revolution more, + Life's spring is snapt,-- + You die!" + +A watch-paper described by a writer in "Notes and Queries" gave the +address of Bowen, 2 Tichborne Street, Piccadilly, on a pedestal surmounted +by an urn. On the other side of the label was a winged figure, holding in +one hand a watch at arm's length, and in the other a book. At her feet lay +a sickle and a serpent with his tail in his mouth--the emblems of Time and +Eternity. Round the circumference of the label were these lines-- + + "Little monitor, impart + Some instruction to the heart; + Show the busy and the gay + Life is wasting swift away. + Follies cannot long endure, + Life is short and death is sure. + Happy those who wisely learn + Truth from error to discern: + Truth, immortal as the soul, + And unshaken as the pole." + +The bottom of the case was lined with rose-coloured satin, on which was a +device in lace-paper--the central portion representing two hearts +transfixed by arrows, and surmounted by a dove holding a wreath in its +bill. A circular band enclosed the device, and bore the motto-- + + "Joined by friendship, + Crowned by love." + +The lines next given are by Mr. J. Byrom, common called Dr. Byrom, whom we +have previously referred to: + + "Could but our tempers move like this machine, + Not urged by passion, nor delayed by spleen; + But true to Nature's regulating power, + By virtuous acts distinguish every hour: + Then health and joy would follow, as they ought, + The laws of motion and the laws of thought: + On earth would pass the pleasant moments o'er + To rest in Heaven when Time shall be no more!" + +The last lines of this watch-paper have been occasionally varied to-- + + "Sweet health to pass the pleasant moments o'er + And everlasting joy when Time shall be no more." + +A watchmaker named Adams, who practised his craft many years ago in Church +Street, Hackney, was fond of putting scraps of poetry in the outer case of +watches sent him for repair. One of his effusions follow: + + "To-morrow! yes, to-morrow! you'll repent + A train of years in vice and folly spent. + To-morrow comes--no penitential sorrow + Appears therein, for still it is to-morrow; + At length to-morrow such a habit gains + That you'll forget the time that Heaven ordains; + And you'll believe that day too soon will be + When more to-morrows you're denied to see." + +Another old engraved specimen contained this verse: + + "Content thy selfe withe thyne estat, + And sende no poore wight from thy gate; + For why, this councell I thee give, + To learne to dye, and dye to lyve." + +The following lines by Pope, occurring in his Epistle to the Earl of +Oxford, have been used in this way: + + "Absent or dead + Still let a friend be + Dear. The Absent claims + a sigh, the dead a + tear. + May + Angels guard + The friend I + love." + +Milman's poems have furnished a verse for this purpose: + + "It matters little at what hour o' the day + The righteous fall asleep; death cannot come + To him untimely who is fit to die. + The less of this cold world, the more of heaven; + The briefer life, the earlier immortality." + +Various other examples of watch-case verses follow: + +THE WATCH'S MOMENTS. + + "See how the moments pass, + How swift they fly away! + In the instructive glass + Behold thy life's decay. + Oh! waste not then thy prime + In sin's pernicious road; + Redeem thy misspent time, + Acquaint thyself with God. + So when thy pulse shall cease + Its throbbing transient play, + The soul to realms of bliss + May wing its joyful way." + + "Deign, lady fair, this watch to wear, + To mark how moments fly; + For none a moment have to spare, + Who in a moment die." + +TO A LADY WITH THE PRESENT OF A WATCH. + + "With me while present, may thy lovely eyes, + Be never turned upon this golden toy; + Think every pleasing hour too swiftly flies, + And measure time by joy succeeding joy. + But when the cares that interrupt our bliss, + To me not always will thy sight allow, + Then oft with fond impatience look on this, + Then every minute count--as I do now." + + "Time is thou hast, employ the portion small; + Time past is gone, thou canst not it recall; + Time future is not, and may never be; + Time present is the only time for thee." + + "Watch against evil thoughts + Watch against idle words; + Watch against sinful ways; + Watch against wicked actions. + What I say unto you I say unto all, Watch." + +The following lines have a sand-glass engraved between the first four and +the last four lines: + + "Mark the rapid motion + Of this timepiece; hear it say, + Man, attend to thy salvation; + Time does quickly pass away. + Why, heedless of the warning + Which my tinkling sound doth give, + Do forget, vain frame adorning, + Man thou art not born to live?" + +On a sun-dial the following verse has been found engraved: + + "Once at a potent leader's voice it stayed; + Once it went back when a good monarch prayed; + Mortals! howe'er ye grieve, howe'er deplore, + The flying shadow shall return no more." + +This was found under an hour-glass in a grotto near water: + + "This babbling stream not uninstructive flows, + Nor idly loiters to its destined main; + Each flower it feeds that on its margin grows, + Now bids thee blush, whose days are spent in vain. + + Nor void of moral, though unheeded glides + Time's current, stealing on with silent haste; + For lo! each falling sand _his_ folly chides, + Who lets one precious moment run to waste." + + + + +_PROSE POEMS._ + + +Several pages of this kind appeared at the end of an early volume of +"Cornhill Magazine," of which this is the beginning: + +TO CORRESPONDENTS. + + "'Tis in the middle of the night; and as with weary hand we write, + 'Here endeth C. M. volume seven,' we turn our grateful eyes to heaven. + The fainting soul, oppressèd long, expands and blossoms into song; but + why 'twere difficult to state, for here commenceth volume eight. + + "And ah! what mischiefs him environ who claps the editorial tiar on! + 'Tis but a paper thing, no doubt; but those who don it soon find out + the weight of lead--ah me, how weary!--one little foolscap sheet may + carry. Pleasing, we hear, to gods and man was Mr. William Gladstone + when he calmed the paper duty fuss; but oh, 'twas very hard on Us. + Before he took the impost off, one gentleman was found enough (he + _was_ Herculean, but still!--) to bear the letters from Cornhill: two + men are needed now, and these are clearly going at the knees. Yet + happy hearts had we to-day if one in fifteen hundred, say, of all the + packets, white and blue, which we diurnally go through, yielded an + ounce of sterling brains, or ought but headache for our pains. Ah, + could the Correspondent see the Editor in his misery, no more + injurious ink he'd shed, but tears of sympathy instead. What is this + tale of straws and bricks? A hen with fifty thousand chicks clapt in + Sahara's sandy plain to peck the wilderness for grain--in that unhappy + fowl is seen the despot of a magazine. Only one difference we find; + but that is most important, mind. Instinct compels _her_ patient beak; + ours--in all modesty we speak--is kept by CONSCIENCE (sternly chaste) + pegging the literary waste. Our barns are stored, our garners--well, + the stock in them's considerable; yet when we're to the desert + brought, again comes back the welcome thought that somewhere in its + depths may hide one little seed, which, multiplied in our half-acre on + Cornhill, might all the land with gladness fill. Experience then no + more we heed; but, though we seldom find the seed, we read, and read, + and read, and read." &c. &c. + +This is also an instance of this hidden verse in the beginning of one of +Macaulay's letters to his sister Hannah: + + "MY DARLING,--Why am I such a fool as to write to a gipsy at + Liverpool, who fancies that none is so good as she if she sends one + letter for my three? A lazy chit, whose fingers tire in penning a page + in reply to a quire! There, miss, you read all the first sentence of + my epistle, and never knew that you were reading verse." + +When Mr. Coventry Patmore's "Angel in the House" was first published, the +"Athenæum" furnished the following unique criticism: + + "The gentle reader we apprise, That this new Angel in the House + Contains a tale not very wise, About a person and a spouse. The + author, gentle as a lamb, Has managèd his rhymes to fit, And haply + fancies he has writ Another 'In Memoriam.' How his intended gathered + flowers, And took her tea and after sung, Is told in style somewhat + like ours, For delectation of the young. But, reader, lest you say we + quiz The poet's record of his she, Some little pictures you shall see, + Not in our language but in his: + + 'While thus I grieved and kissed her glove, + My man brought in her note to say + Papa had bid her send his love, + And hoped I dine with them next day; + They had learned and practised Purcell's glee, + To sing it by to-morrow night: + The postscript was--her sisters and she + Inclosed some violets blue and white. + + * * * * * + + 'Restless and sick of long exile, + From those sweet friends I rode, to see + The church repairs, and after a while + Waylaying the Dean, was asked to tea. + They introduced the Cousin Fred + I'd heard of, Honor's favourite; grave, + Dark, handsome, bluff, but gently bred, + And with an air of the salt wave.' + + Fear not this saline Cousin Fred; He gives no tragic mischief birth; + There are no tears for you to shed, Unless they may be tears of mirth. + From ball to bed, from field to farm, The tale flows nicely purling + on; With much conceit there is no harm, In the love-legend here begun. + The rest will come another day, If public sympathy allows; And this + is all we have to say About the 'Angel in the House.'" + +THE PRINTER. + + "The printer-man had just set up a 'stickful' of brevier, filled with + italic, fractions, signs, and other things most queer; the type he + lifted from the stick, nor dreamt of coming woes, when lo! a wretched + wasp thought fit to sting him on the nose: the printer-man the type + let fall, as quick as quick could be, and gently murmured a naughty + word beginning with a D." + +MY LOVE. + + "I seen her out a-walking in her habit de la rue, and it ain't no use + a-talking, but she's pumpkins and a few. She glides along in glory + like a duck upon a lake, and I'd be all love and duty, if I only were + her drake!" + +THE SOLO. + + "He drew his breath with a gasping sob, with a quivering voice he + sang, but his voice leaked out and could not drown the accompanist's + clamorous bang. He lost his pitch on the middle A, he faltered on the + lower D, and foundered at length like a battered wreck adrift on the + wild high C." + +PONY LOST. + + _On Feb. 21st, 1822, this devil bade me adieu._ + + "Lost, stolen, or astray, not the least doubt but run away, a mare + pony that is all bay,--if I judge pretty nigh, it is about eleven + hands high; full tail and mane, a pretty head and frame; cut on both + shoulders by the collar, not being soft nor hollow; it is about five + years old, which may be easily told; for spirit and for speed, the + devil cannot her exceed." + +An excellent specimen of this kind of literary work is to be found in J. +Russell Lowell's "Fable for Critics," of which the title-page and preface +are written in this fashion, and there is here given an extract from the +latter: + + "Having scrawled at full gallop (as far as that goes) in a style that + is neither good verse nor bad prose, and being a person whom nobody + knows, some people will say I am rather more free with my readers than + it is becoming to be, that I seem to expect them to wait on my leisure + in following wherever I wander at pleasure,--that, in short, I take + more than a young author's lawful ease, and laugh in a queer way so + like Mephistopheles, that the public will doubt, as they grope through + my rhythm, if in truth I am making fun _at_ them or _with_ them. + + "So the excellent Public is hereby assured that the sale of my book is + already secured. For there is not a poet throughout the whole land, + but will purchase a copy or two out of hand, in the fond expectation + of being amused in it, by seeing his betters cut up and abused in it. + Now, I find, by a pretty exact calculation, there are something like + ten thousand bards in the nation, of that special variety whom the + Review and Magazine critics call _lofty_ and _true_, and about thirty + thousand (_this_ tribe is increasing) of the kinds who are termed + _full of promise_ and _pleasing_. The public will see by a glance at + this schedule, that they cannot expect me to be over-sedulous about + courting _them_, since it seems I have got enough fuel made sure of + for boiling my pot. + + "As for such of our poets as find not their names mentioned once in my + pages, with praises or blames, let them send in their cards, without + further delay, to my friend G. P. Putnam, Esquire, in Broadway, where + a list will be kept with the strictest regard to the day and the hour + of receiving the card. Then, taking them up as I chance to have time + (that is, if their names can be twisted in rhyme), I will honestly + give each his proper position, at the rate of one author to each new + edition. Thus, a premium is offered sufficiently high (as the + Magazines say when they tell their best lie) to induce bards to club + their resources and buy the balance of every edition, until they have + all of them fairly been run through the mill." &c. &c. + +That which is considered, however, one of the best of Prose Poems is the +following, which appeared originally in _Fraser's Magazine_, and will also +be found in Maclise and Maginn's "Gallery of Illustrious Literary +Characters,"[11] being part of the introductory portion of a notice of the +late Earl of Beaconsfield, then Mr. Disraeli, and known at the time as an +aspirant to literary and political fame: + + "O Reader dear! do pray look here, and you will spy the curly hair, + and forehead fair, and nose so high, and gleaming eye, of Benjamin + D'Is-ra-e-li, the wondrous boy who wrote _Alroy_ in rhyme and prose, + only to show how long ago victorious Judah's lion-banner rose. In an + earlier day he wrote _Vivian Grey_--a smart enough story, we must + say, until he took his hero abroad, and trundled him over the German + road; and taught him there not to drink beer, and swallow schnapps, + and pull mädschen's caps, and smoke the cigar and the meersham true, + in alehouse and lusthaus all Fatherland through, until all was blue, + but talk secondhand that which, at the first, was never many degrees + from the worst,--namely, German cant and High Dutch sentimentality, + maudlin metaphysics, and rubbishing reality. But those who would find + how Vivian wined with the Marchioness of Puddledock, and other great + grandees of the kind, and how he talked æsthetic, and waxed eloquent + and pathetic, and kissed his Italian puppies of the greyhound breed, + they have only to read--if the work be still alive--Vivian Grey, in + volumes five. + + "As for his tentative upon the _Representative_, which he and John + Murray got up in a very great hurry, we shall say nothing at all, + either great or small; and all the wars that thence ensued, and the + Moravian's deadly feud; nor much of that fine book, which is called + 'the Young Duke,' with his slippers of velvet blue, with clasps of + snowy-white hue, made out of the pearl's mother, or some equally fine + thing or other; and 'Fleming' (_Contarini_), which will cost ye but a + guinea; and 'Gallomania' (get through it, can you?) in which he made + war on (assisted by a whiskered baron--his name was Von Haber, whose + Germanical jabber, Master Ben, with ready pen, put into English smart + and jinglish), King Philippe and his court; and many other great works + of the same sort--why, we leave them to the reader to peruse; that is + to say, if he should choose. + + "He lately stood for Wycombe, but there Colonel Grey did lick him, he + being parcel Tory and parcel Radical--which is what in general mad we + call; and the latest affair of his we chanced to see, is 'What is he?' + a question which, by this time, we have somewhat answered in this our + pedestrian rhyme. As for the rest,--but writing rhyme is, after all, a + pest; and therefore"---- + + + + +_MISCELLANEOUS ODDS AND ENDS._ + + +Some years ago _Punch_ gave "revised versions" of a few of the old popular +songs, and, referring to the one we have chosen as a specimen, says that +"its simplicity, its truthfulness, and, above all, its high moral, have +recommended it to him for selection. It is well known to the million--of +whose singing, indeed, it forms a part. Perhaps it will be recognised; +perhaps not." + +A POLISHED POEM. + + _Air._--"If I had a donkey vot vouldn't go, + Do you think I'd wallop," &c. + + "Had I an ass averse to speed, + Deem'st thou I'd strike him? No, indeed! + Mark me, I'd try persuasion's art, + For cruelty offends my heart: + Had all resembled me, I ween, + Martin, thy law had needless been + Of speechless brutes from blows to screen + The poor head; + For had I an ass averse to speed + I ne'er would strike him, no, indeed! + I'd give him hay, and cry, 'Proceed,' + And 'Go on, Edward!' + + Why speak I thus? This very morn, + I saw that cruel William Burn, + Whilst crying 'Greens' upon his course, + Assail his ass with all his force; + He smote him o'er the head and thighs, + Till tears bedimmed the creature's eyes! + Oh! 'twas too much, my blood 'gan rise + And I exclaimed, + 'Had I an,' &c. + + Burn turn'd and cried, with scornful eye, + 'Perchance thou'rt one of Martin's fry, + And seek'st occasion base to take, + The vile informer's gain to make.' + Word of denial though I spoke, + Full on my brow his fury broke, + And thus, while I return'd the stroke, + I exclaimed, + 'Had I an,' &c. + + To us, infringing thus the peace, + Approach'd his guardians--the police; + And, like inevitable Fate, + Bore us to where stern Justice sate; + Her minister the tale I told; + And to support my word, made bold + To crave he would the ass behold: + 'For,' I declared, + 'Had I an,' &c. + + They called the creature into court + Where, sooth to say, he made some sport, + With ears erect, and parted jaws, + As though he strove to plead his cause: + I gained the palm of feelings kind; + The ass was righted; William fined. + For Justice, one with me in mind, + Exclaimed, by her Minister, + 'Had I an,' &c. + + Cried William to his judge, ''Tis hard + (Think not the fine that I regard), + But things have reached a goodly pass-- + One may not beat a stubborn ass!' + Nought spoke the judge, but closed his book; + So William thence the creature took, + Eyeing me--ah! with what a look, + As gently whispering in his ear, I said, + 'William, had I an,' &c." + +CUMULATIVE PARODYING. + + There was a young damsel; oh, bless her, + It cost very little to dress her; + She was sweet as a rose + In her everyday clothes, + But had no young man to caress her. + --_Meridien Recorder._ + + There was a young turkey; oh, bless her: + It cost very little to dress her; + Some dry bread and thyme, + About Thanksgiving time, + And they ate the last bit from the dresser. + --_American Punch._ + + A newspaper poet; oh, dang him! + And pelt him and club him and bang him! + He kept writing away, + Till the people one day + Rose up and proceeded to hang him. + --_Detroit Free Press._ + +BLANK VERSE IN RHYME. + +(A NOCTURNAL SKETCH.) + + "Even is come; and from the dark Park, hark + The signal of the setting sun--one gun! + And six is sounding from the chime, prime time + To go and see the Drury-lane Dane slain,-- + Or hear Othello's jealous doubt spout out,-- + Or Macbeth raving at that shade-made blade, + Denying to his frantic clutch much touch; + Or else to see Ducrow with wide stride ride + Four horses as no other man can span; + Or in the small Olympic pit, sit split + Laughing at Liston, while you quiz his phiz. + + Anon night comes, and with her wings brings things + Such as, with his poetic tongue, Young sung; + The gas up-blazes with its bright white light, + And paralytic watchmen prowl, howl, growl, + About the streets, and take up Pall Mall Sal, + Who hastening to her nightly jobs, robs fobs. + + Now thieves to enter for your cash, smash, crash, + Past drowsy Charley, in a deep sleep, creep, + But frightened by Policeman B 3, flee, + And while they're going whisper low, 'No go!' + Now puss, while folks are in their beds, treads leads, + And sleepers waking, grumble--'Drat that cat!' + Who in the gutter caterwauls, squalls, mauls + Some feline foe, and screams in shrill ill-will. + + Now Bulls of Bashan, of a prize-size, rise + In childish dreams, and with a roar gore poor + Georgey, or Charles, or Billy, willy-nilly; + But nursemaid in a nightmare rest, chest-pressed, + Dreameth of one of her old flames, James Games, + And that she hears--what faith is man's!--Ann's banns + And his, from Reverend Mr. Rice, twice, thrice; + White ribbons flourish, and a stout shout out, + That upward goes, shows Rose knows those bows' woes!" + --_Thomas Hood._ + +The following excellent specimen of mono-syllabic verse comes from an old +play in the Garrick Collection: + +SONG. + + "Let us sip, and let it slip, + And go which way it will a; + Let us trip, and let us skip, + And let us drink our fill a. + + Take the cup, and drink all up, + Give me the can to fill a; + Every sup, and every cup, + Hold here and my good will a. + + Gossip mine and gossip thine; + Now let us gossip still a; + Here is good wine, this ale is fine, + Now drink of which you will a. + + Round about, till all be out, + I pray you let us swill a; + This jolly grout is jolly and stout, + I pray you stout it still a. + + Let us laugh and let us quaff, + Good drinkers think none ill a; + Here is your bag, here is your staffe, + Be packing to the mill a." + +ELESSDÉ. + + "In a certain fair island, for commerce renown'd, + Whose fleets sailed in every sea, + A set of fanatics, men say, there was found, + Who set up an island and worship around, + And called it by name Elessdé. + + Many heads had the monster, and tails not a few, + Of divers rare metals was he + And temples they built him right goodly to view, + Where oft they would meet, and, like idolists true, + Pay their vows to the great Elessdé. + + Moreover, at times would their frenzy attain + ('Twas nought less) to so high a degree, + That his soul-blinded votaries did not complain, + But e'en laid down their lives his false favour to gain-- + So great was thy power, Elessdé. + + As for morals, this somewhat unscrupulous race + Were lax enough, 'twixt you and me; + Men would poison their friends with professional grace, + And of the fell deed leave behind ne'er a trace, + For the sake of the fiend, Elessdé. + + Then forgery flourished, and rampant and rife + Was each form of diablerie; + While the midnight assassin, with mallet and knife, + Would steal on his victim and rob him of life, + And all for thy love, Elessdé. + + There were giants of crime on the earth in that day, + The like of which we may not see: + Although, peradventure, some sceptic will say + There be those even now who acknowledge the sway + Of the god of the world--_£ s. d._" + +EARTH. + + "What is earth, Sexton?--A place to dig graves. + What is earth, Rich man?--A place to work slaves. + What is earth, Greybeard?--A place to grow old. + What is earth, Miser?--A place to dig gold. + What is earth, Schoolboy?--A place for my play. + What is earth, Maiden?--A place to be gay. + What is earth, Seamstress?--A place where I weep. + What is earth, Sluggard?--A good place to sleep. + What is earth, Soldier?--A place for a battle. + What is earth, Herdsman?--A place to raise cattle. + What is earth, Widow?--A place of true sorrow. + What is earth, Tradesman?--I'll tell you to-morrow. + What is earth, Sick man?--'Tis nothing to me. + What is earth, Sailor?--My home is the sea. + What is earth, Statesman?--A place to win fame. + What is earth, Author?--I'll write there my name. + What is earth, Monarch?--For my realm it is given. + What is earth, Christian?--The gateway of heaven." + + + + +INDEX. + + + Acrostics, 198 + + Ad Chloen, M.A., 105 + + Addresses, the Rejected, 15 + + Ad Mortem, 56 + + Ad Professorem Linguæ Germanicæ, 101 + + "Alice in Wonderland," verses from, 42, 43 + + Alliterative verses from "Society," 210 + + American Traveller, the, 132 + + Am Rhein, 99 + + Analytical, Ode to Davies', 159 + + Angel in the House, the, 239 + + Animal Alphabet, an, 206 + + Anticipatory Dirge, an, 146 + + Arab and his Donkey, the, 167 + + Arundines Cami, the, 129, 130 + + + Ba, ba, Black Sheep, 129 + + Ballad of the Period, a, 217 + + Ballads, the Bon Gualtier, 31 + + Bandit's Fate, the, 30 + + Barham, Mr., parody by, 28; + macaronic by, 70 + + Battle of Frogs and Mice, the, 10 + + Bayard Taylor, lines by, 36 + + Billet-Doux, a, 166 + + Biter Bit, the, 40 + + Blank Verse in Rhyme, 248 + + Boke of Colin Clout, 62 + + Bonaparte, anagram on, 196, 197 + + Bon Gaultier Ballads, the, 31 + + Bore's Head, Bringing in the, 61 + + Boxiana, 177 + + Boyle Godfrey, Epitaph on, 150 + + Breach of Promise, lines on a, 156 + + Bret Harte, verses by, 38, 154, 162 + + Brook, the, parody on, 39 + + Brooks, Shirley, lines by, 30 + + Brownrigg, Mrs., lines on, 26 + + Buckland, Professor, Dirge on, 146 + + Bunker Hill, alliterative lines on, 204 + + Burial of Sir John Moore, parodies on, 27, 28 + + Burnand, F. C., parody by, 46 + + Burns, mosaic poem on, 225 + + Burton, Mrs., parody by, 49 + + Buttes, Thomas, acrostic by, 199 + + Byrom, Mr., hymn by, 57; + lines by, 234 + + Byron, parody on style of, 21 + + + Calverly, Mr., 39, 41 + + Camden on Anagrams, 188 + + Canning and Frere, 26 + + Captain Smith and Pocahontas, 113 + + Carlyle, Thomas, anagram on, 196 + + Carmen ad Terry, 96 + + Carol, Christmas, 61 + + Carpette, Knyghte, ye, 42 + + Carroll, Lewis, parodies by, 42, 43, 50; + lines by, 218 + + Ce Meme Vieux Coon, 94 + + Centennial Exhibition, the, lines on, 51 + + Chain Verses, 53 + + Chanson without music, 89 + + Chinese English, 122 + + Clara Morchella Deliciosa, To, 152 + + Clock, the Musical, 54 + + Clubbis Noster, 81 + + Coincidences and Contrarieties, 138 + + Colin Clout, Boke of, 62 + + College macaronics, 110, 112 + + Collins, Mortimer, lines by, 33, 34, 105 + + Comic Latin Grammar, lines from, 73 + + Concatenation Verse, 53 + + Contenti Abeamus, 86 + + Correspondents, To, 238 + + Cotton Mather, 192 + + Crabbe, parody on, 16 + + Crawford, Mrs., 209 + + Cremation, 47, 48 + + Cumulative Parodying, 247 + + + Davies' Analytical, Ode to, 159 + + Dean Swift, 111 + + Death of the Sea-Serpent, 77 + + De Leguleo, 88 + + "Detection," Harsnett's, 62 + + Dirge on Professor Buckland, 146 + + Disraeli, Benjamin, 243 + + Diversions of the Echo Club, 36 + + Doctor, Southey's, 190 + + Druggist, Lament of an unfortunate, 157 + + Drury Lane, a tale of, 22 + + Drury Rev. H., 229 + + + Earth, 251 + + Echo Club, Diversions of the, 36 + + Echo and the Lover, 230 + + Echo on Woman, a Gentle, 229 + + Elessdè, 250 + + Elizabeth, Queen, acrostic on, 200 + + English Language, the, 139 + + Epitaph, macaronic, 110 + + Epitaph on Dr. Maginn, 175 + + Epode of Horace, the Second, 67 + + Eve's Legend, 220 + + Evil, anagram on, 197 + + Evolution, 168 + + + Fable for Critics, the, 242 + + Fair "Come-Outer," the, 106 + + Fate of Nassan, the, 223 + + Felis-itous, Very, 93 + + Fireside Amusements, poem from, 227 + + Fonseca's Guide to English, 115 + + Footman Joe, 181 + + Four Brothers, the, 107 + + Friend at Parting, to a, 100 + + + Geddes, Dr., 59 + + Gentle Echo on Woman, 229 + + "Gentle Shepherd," the sign of the, 109 + + Geological Address, a, 154 + + Geological Madrigal, a, 162 + + Gilbert, W. S., lines by, 218 + + Goldsmith, parody on lines by, 30 + + Guide to English, a New, 115 + + + Harte, Bret, verses by, 38, 154, 162 + + Hegemon of Thasos, 10 + + Henry Martin the Regicide, 26 + + Hey diddle diddle, new version of, 127 + + Holland, Lord, 220 + + Holmes, Dr., macaronic by, 89 + + Homoeopathic Soup, 165 + + Hone's Every-Day Book, 60 + + Hood, Thomas, parody by, 27, 29; + verses by, 248 + + Horace, Second Epode of, 67 + + Household Words, lines from, 216 + + How the Daughters come down at Dunoon, 45 + + Hunting of the Snark, 218 + + Husband's Complaint, the, 164 + + Hussey, Mrs. Margaret, 174 + + Hymn, by Mr. Byrom, 57 + + + Ich bin Dein, 85 + + "If," by Mortimer Collins, 33 + + Ignoramus, Scene from play of, 63 + + Inscription on Mrs. Brownrigg's cell, 26 + + + Jack and Jill, 108; + new version of, 126 + + Jack Horner, new version of, 126 + + Jeffrey, Lord, 16 + + Johnson, Dr., 112, 171 + + + Kehama, parody on Southey's, 20 + + Knox Ward, 156 + + + Lady, To a, 182 + + Lament of an Unfortunate Druggist, 157 + + Lang, Dr., 131 + + Lasphrise, M., 53 + + Laureate's Journey, the, 31 + + Lay of Macaroni, the, 207 + + Leguleo, De, 88 + + Leigh, Henry S., 31, 46 + + Leland, Mr. Charles G., 115, 216. + + Lines by a Fond Lover, 219 + + Little Bo-peep, 108; + new rendering of, 129 + + Little Miss Muffit, new version of, 127 + + Little Red Riding Hood, 83 + + Love Story, an original, 143 + + Lowell, J. Russell, 242 + + Lydia Green, 97 + + + Macaulay, travesty on, 31; + a letter of, 239 + + Maginn, Dr., 67; + epitaph on, 175 + + Mahony, Rev. Francis, 129 + + Malum Opus, 95 + + Man and the Ascidian, 161 + + Mark Twain, 112 + + "Mary's Little Lamb," new versions of, 127, 128 + + Microscopic Serenade, 148 + + Milman, lines from, 235 + + Milton, Parody on, 11 + + Moments, the Watch's, 235 + + Monk, Duke of Albemarle, 192 + + Monosyllabic Song, 249 + + Moore, parodies on, 21, 22, 45, 46 + + Morituri te Salutant, 169 + + Mosaic poems, 224 + + Musical Ass, the, 176 + + Musical Clock, the, 54 + + Mycological Serenade, a, 152 + + My Love, 241 + + + Nahum Fay on the loss of his wife, 179 + + Native names, 132 + + New Versions of Nursery Rhymes, 125-128 + + Nursery Rhymes, new versions of, 125-127 + + + Ode to Davies' Analytical, 159 + + Ode to a Skylark, Shelley's, 212 + + O'Keefe, Song by, 66 + + Only Seven, 32 + + Original Love Story, 143 + + Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, the, 132 + + Owed to my Creditors, 142 + + + Palmer, Professor E. H., verses by, 121, 214 + + Palmerston, Lord, anagram on, 196 + + Parterre, the, 121 + + Patmore, Mr. Coventry, 239 + + Pennell, H. C., parody by, 44, 45 + + Philips, John, 11 + + Pidgin English, 122 + + Planché, Mr., songs by, 50; + acrostic by, 201 + + Pliocene Skull, to the, 154 + + Pocahontas and Captain Smith, 113 + + Poe, Edgar A., parodies on, 36, 38; + acrostic by, 202 + + Polished Poem, a, 245 + + Polka, the, 81 + + Pome of a Possum, 102 + + Pony Lost, 241 + + Pope, alliterative lines by, 211 + + Prevalent Poetry, 144 + + Prince Charles after Culloden, 205 + + Printer, the, 241 + + Procuratores, lines on the, 35 + + Promissory Note, the, 36 + + + Radenovitch, the, 180 + + Recipe for Salad, a, 34 + + Recognition, the, 40 + + Red Riding Hood, Little, 83 + + Rejected Addresses, the, 15 + + Rex Midas, 70 + + Rhyme for Musicians, a, 135 + + Rhymes, nursery, new versions of, 125-128 + + Robert Burns, mosaic poem on, 225 + + Roman Nose, the, 170 + + Rudiger, Andreas, 191 + + Ruggles' Ignoramus, 63 + + Ruling Power, the, 178 + + + St. George et his Dragon, 79 + + Salad, recipe for, 34 + + Scott, Sir Walter, parody on, 22 + + Sea-Serpent, the, 76 + + Serenade, microscopic, 148 + + Serenade, mycological, 152 + + Sermon, a Temperance, 145 + + "Serve-um-Right," 99 + + Sheridan, Dr., 111; + lines by, 172, 173 + + Shipwreck, the, 214 + + Shootover Papers, the, 35 + + Skelton, poet-laureate, 62, 174 + + Slidell and Mason, 92 + + Smith, Dr. Charles, epitaph by, 149 + + Smith, James and Horace, 15 + + Smith, Sydney, 111 + + Soliloquy in Hamlet, parodies on, 46, 47 + + Solo, the, 241 + + Song from Garrick Collection, 249 + + Southey's Kehama, parody on, 20 + + Spelling Reform, 141 + + Splendid Shilling, the, 11 + + Sun-dial, lines on a, 237 + + Surnames, 136 + + Swift, Dean, 111 + + + Tale of Drury Lane, a, 22 + + Taylor, Bayard, lines by, 36 + + Teetotum, the, 108 + + Temperance Sermon, a, 145 + + Tennyson, parodies on, 39, 40 + + That Thirty-four! 52 + + Theatre, the, 16 + + Thirty-Five, 171 + + Thompson, George, anagram on, 195 + + To a Friend at Parting, 100 + + To a Lady with a Watch, 236 + + Toast--a Sott, 195 + + Topside-Galow, 123 + + Treatise on Wine, a, 73 + + Truth, chain verse on, 57 + + "Truth," parody from, 51 + + Twinkle, twinkle, little star, new versions of, 125, 131 + + + Unfortunate Druggist, lament of an, 157 + + + Valentine, a, 92 + + Very Felis-itous, 93 + + Victor Hugo, lines by, 112 + + Viner, Sir Robert, 193 + + Visitors' Books, lines from, 109 + + + Watch-case verses, 232 + + "We met," &c., 29 + + Whalley, Peter, anagram on, 194 + + Wig and the Hat, the, 95, 183 + + Wilson, John, 193 + + Wine, a Treatise on, 73 + + Wordsworth, parody on, 32 + + + Yacht Alphabet, a, 213 + + "You are old, Father William," 43 + + Yriarte, Tomaso de, 177 + + +_Printed by Ballantyne, Hanson & Co. Edinburgh and London._ + + + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[1] Two well-known alehouses in Oxford, about 1700. + +[2] From the "Carols of Cockayne." + +[3] "'What do you mean by the reference to Greeley?' + +"'I thought everybody had heard that Greeley's only autograph of Poe was a +signature to a promissory note for fifty dollars. He offers to sell it for +half the money.'"--_Diversions of the Echo Club._ + +[4] Macmillan & Co., London. + +[5] See "Alice in Wonderland." + +[6] Reference may also be made here to a recent work, "The Heptalogia; or +the Seven against Sense," a book wholly devoted to parody, the merits of +which could not be shown by extracts, but requires to be read at length to +be properly estimated. + +[7] "Ladles"--_i.e._, very spooney. + +[8] Maginn died at Walton-on-Thames, 21st August 1842. He was one of the +gayest, brightest, and wittiest of those reckless litterateurs who half a +century ago worshipped with equal devotion at the shrines of Apollo and +Bacchus. + +[9] Chatto and Windus, London. + +[10] Macmillan & Co., London. + +[11] London: Chatto & Windus. + + + + +EXTRACTS FROM NOTICES OF + +"_LITERARY FRIVOLITIES, FANCIES, FOLLIES, AND FROLICS_." + +(Uniform with the present volume, post 8vo, cloth limp, 2s. 6d.) + + +"This is a new volume of the popular Mayfair Library, and it well deserves +its place. In such a book selection and arrangement are everything.... Mr. +Dobson really knows what to choose and what to reject; he has also a +feeling for good arrangement, and has made a most attractive volume.... +For an odd half-hour or for a long journey we could hardly imagine +anything better, and we trust the book may find the encouragement it so +well deserves."--_British Quarterly Review._ + +"'Literary Frivolities' is an absolutely delightful companion for an +unoccupied half-hour. It is a book which may with equal pleasure be read +all through or dipped into at any point, and the collection of literary +triflings it supplies is admirably ample."--_Gentleman's Magazine._ + +"This is a pleasant and amusing little volume. It contains a great deal of +curious information, and shows a very creditable amount of research.... We +may end as we began, by commending 'Literary Frivolities' as a capital +book of its sort."--_Athenæum._ + +"This latest volume of the bright little 'Mayfair Library' is an +entertaining contribution to the literature of 'inert hours,' and will +sufficiently initiate its readers into all the mysteries of bouts-rimés, +palindromes, lipograms, centones and figurate poems."--_Notes and +Queries._ + +"A more delightful little work it has seldom been our lot to take in hand. +Mr. Dobson has made a study of all the eccentricities and frivolities +which have from time to time been perpetrated by writers in prose and +verse.... Mr. Dobson had gone into his work in a catholic spirit, and has +done it with great neatness and ability. It would be difficult to commend +the book too highly. It is a volume alike for holiday purposes, and for +other purposes more serious in connection with literature."--_Scotsman._ + +"Mr. Dobson has done his work well.... The book is very interesting and +entertaining, and has a still higher claim to our regard as a curious +chapter in the history of literature."--_Examiner._ + +"Not a few of the pages will raise a hearty laugh, and this fact alone +disposes us to regard the book with marked favour. A good index has not +been forgotten, and the volume in all ways reflects high credit on its +author."--_Brief._ + +"This is a queer collection of interesting nothings, a record of some of +the literary playthings wherewith men have sought at one time and another +to beguile the road towards the darkness. Here are quips and cranks, +strange forms of prose and verse; monstrosities of rhythms. It is all very +interesting, and shows a heavy amount of research on the part of the +compiler."--_Vanity Fair._ + +"Great fun is shown in almost every page of 'Literary Frivolities.'... The +'Mayfair Library' will do well if it gives us many books like Mr. +Dobson's."--_Graphic._ + +"It is quite certain that there have been thousands of not only +intelligent, but grave and learned persons who have taken pride as well as +pleasure in the accomplishment of such exploits, and that there are tens +of thousands who will be greatly entertained, if not roused to emulation, +by the pretty little volume consecrated to the commemoration and to +illustrative samples of those exploits.... It is provided with an index, a +very useful addition, and it is undoubtedly a bright, amusing, and not +altogether uninstructive publication."--_Illustrated London News._ + +"Mr. Dobson deserves credit for the pains he has taken."--_Spectator._ + +"A miscellaneous and highly amusing collection of literary +curiosities."--_Bookseller._ + +"An amusing volume.... An account of a great many of those curious puzzles +and tasks in which the literary mind delights."--_Teacher._ + +"A collection, a most exhaustive one, of the vagaries indulged in from +remote ages down to the present day by literary triflers."--_Whitehall +Review._ + +"A very entertaining little book.... Exceedingly interesting, and may be +heartily recommended."--_Nottingham Guardian._ + +"A capital little book.... A cheap and neat volume which no editor or +printer should be without."--_Printing Times and Lithograther._ + +"One of the most quaintly amusing books we have seen for a long +time."--_Edinburgh Evening Express._ + +"For a man or woman endowed with literary tastes, and who, for want of +regular work to do, sometimes longs for new methods of 'killing time,' +this collection of frivolities and oddities might prove a fruitful source +of amusement. Its author is a scholarly and well-read man; and in +preparing this book he must have put himself to an infinitude of +pains."--_Edinburgh Daily Review._ + +"The little volume is pleasantly and learnedly written."--_One and All._ + + +CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY, W. + + + + +Transcriber's Notes: + +Passages in italics are indicated by _italics_. + +The original text contains a few letters with diacritical marks that are +not represented in this text version. + +The original text includes Greek characters. For this text version these +letters have been replaced with transliterations. + +The original text includes various symbols that are represented as +[Symbol] in this text version. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Poetical Ingenuities and Eccentricities, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 40124 *** |