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diff --git a/40124.txt b/40124.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 0774da4..0000000 --- a/40124.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,8732 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Poetical Ingenuities and Eccentricities, by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Poetical Ingenuities and Eccentricities - -Author: Various - -Release Date: July 1, 2012 [EBook #40124] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POETICAL INGENUITIES, ECCENTRICITIES *** - - - - -Produced by Bryan Ness and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - - - - -POETICAL INGENUITIES AND ECCENTRICITIES. - - - - -_Post 8vo, cloth limp, 2s. 6d. per volume._ - - THE MAYFAIR LIBRARY. - - THE NEW REPUBLIC. By W. H. MALLOCK. - - THE NEW PAUL AND VIRGINIA. By W. H. MALLOCK. - - THE TRUE HISTORY OF JOSHUA DAVIDSON. By E. LYNN LINTON. - - OLD STORIES RE-TOLD. By WALTER THORNBURY. - - PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. - - MORE PUNIANA. By the Hon. HUGH ROWLEY. - - THOREAU: HIS LIFE AND AIMS. By H. A. PAGE. - - BY STREAM AND SEA. By WILLIAM SENIOR. - - JEUX D'ESPRIT. Collected and Edited by HENRY S. LEIGH. - - GASTRONOMY AS A FINE ART. By BRILLAT-SAVARIN. - - THE MUSES OF MAYFAIR. Edited by H. CHOLMONDELEY PENNEL. - - PUCK ON PEGASUS. By H. CHOLMONDELEY PENNEL. - - ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. FIRST SERIES. Containing--The Wicked - World, Pygmalion and Galatea, Charity, The Princess, The Palace of - Truth, Trial by Jury. - - ORIGINAL PLAYS by W. S. GILBERT. SECOND SERIES. Containing--Broken - Hearts, Engaged, Sweethearts, Dan'l Druce, Gretchen, Tom Cobb, The - Sorcerer, H.M.S. Pinafore, The Pirates of Penzance. - - CAROLS OF COCKAYNE. By HENRY S. LEIGH. - - LITERARY FRIVOLITIES, FANCIES, FOLLIES, AND FROLICS. By W. T. DOBSON. - - PENCIL AND PALETTE. By ROBERT KEMPT. - - THE BOOK OF CLERICAL ANECDOTES. By JACOB LARWOOD. - - THE SPEECHES OF CHARLES DICKENS. - - THE CUPBOARD PAPERS. By FIN-BEC. - - QUIPS AND QUIDDITIES. Selected by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. - - MELANCHOLY ANATOMISED: a Popular Abridgment of "Burton's Anatomy of - Melancholy." - - THE AGONY COLUMN OF "THE TIMES," FROM 1800 TO 1870. Edited by ALICE - CLAY. - - PASTIMES AND PLAYERS. By ROBERT MACGREGOR. - - CURIOSITIES OF CRITICISM. By HENRY J. JENNINGS. - - THE PHILOSOPHY OF HANDWRITING. By DON FELIX DE SALAMANCA. - - LATTER-DAY LYRICS. Edited by W. DAVENPORT ADAMS. - - BALZAC'S COMEDIE HUMAINE AND ITS AUTHOR. With Translations by H. H. - WALKER. - - LEAVES FROM A NATURALIST'S NOTE-BOOK. By ANDREW WILSON, F.R.S.E. - - THE AUTOCRAT OF THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. By OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES. - Illustrated by J. G. THOMSON. - -_Other Volumes are in preparation._ - -CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY, W. - - - - - POETICAL INGENUITIES - AND ECCENTRICITIES - - - SELECTED AND EDITED BY - WILLIAM T. DOBSON - AUTHOR OF "LITERARY FRIVOLITIES," ETC. - - - London - CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY - 1882 - [_All rights reserved_] - - - - -PREFACE. - - -The favourable reception of "Literary Frivolities" by the Press has led to -the preparation of this work as a Sequel, in which the only sin so far -charged against the "Frivolities"--that of omission--will be found fully -atoned for. - -Those curious in regard to the historical and literary accounts of several -of the various phases of composition exemplified in this work, will find -these fully enough noticed in "Literary Frivolities," in which none of the -examples were strictly original, and had been gathered from many outlying -corners of the world of literature. In the present work, however, will be -found a number of pieces which have not hitherto been "glorified in type," -and these have been furnished by various literary gentlemen, among whom -may be named Professor E. H. Palmer and J. Appleton Morgan, LL.D., of New -York. Assistance in "things both new and old" has also been given by -Charles G. Leland, Esq. (Hans Breitmann), W. Bence Jones, Esq., J. F. -Huntingdon, Esq. (Cambridge, U.S.); whilst particular thanks are due to -Mr. Lewis Carroll for a kindly and courteous permission to quote from his -works. - -With regard to a few of the extracts, the difficulty of finding their -authors has been a bar to requesting permission to use them; but in every -case endeavour has been made to acknowledge the source whence they are -derived. - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - PAGE - - THE PARODY 9 - - CHAIN OR CONCATENATION VERSE 53 - - MACARONIC VERSE 59 - - LINGUISTIC VERSE 115 - - TECHNICAL VERSE 146 - - SINGLE-RHYMED VERSE 169 - - ANAGRAMS 188 - - THE ACROSTIC 198 - - ALLITERATIVE AND ALPHABETIC VERSE 204 - - NONSENSE VERSE 214 - - LIPOGRAMS 220 - - CENTONES OR MOSAICS 224 - - ECHO VERSES 229 - - WATCH-CASE VERSES 232 - - PROSE POEMS 238 - - MISCELLANEOUS 245 - - INDEX 252 - - - - -POETICAL INGENUITIES AND ECCENTRICITIES. - - - - -_THE PARODY._ - - -Parody is the name generally given to a humorous or burlesque imitation of -a serious poem or song, of which it so far preserves the style and words -of the original as that the latter may be easily recognised; it also may -be said to consist in the application of high-sounding poetry to familiar -objects, should be confined within narrow limits, and only adapted to -light and momentary occasions. Though by no means the highest kind of -literary composition, and generally used to ridicule the poets, still many -might think their reputation increased rather than diminished by the -involuntary applause of imitators and parodists, and have no objection -that their works afford the public double amusement--first in the -original, and afterwards in the travesty, though the parodist may not -always be intellectually up to the level of his prototype. Parodies are -best, however, when short and striking--when they produce mirth by the -happy imitation of some popular passage, or when they mix instruction with -amusement, by showing up some latent absurdity or developing the disguises -of bad taste. - -The invention of this humoristic style of composition has been attributed -to the Greeks, from whose language the name itself is derived (_para_, -beside; _ode_, a song); the first to use it being supposed to be Hegemon -of Thasos, who flourished during the Peloponnesian War; by others the -credit of the invention is given to Hipponax, who in his picture of a -glutton, parodies Homer's description of the feats of Achilles in fighting -with his hero in eating. This work begins as follows: - - "Sing, O celestial goddess, Eurymedon, foremost of gluttons, - Whose stomach devours like Charybdis, eater unmatched among mortals." - -The Battle of the Frogs and Mice (The "Batrachomyomachia"), also a happy -specimen of the parody is said to be a travesty of Homer's "Iliad," and -numerous examples will be found in the comedies of Aristophanes. Among the -Romans this form of literary composition made its appearance at the period -of the Decline, and all the power of Nero could not prevent Persius from -parodying his verses. The French among modern nations have been much given -to it, whilst in the English language there are many examples, one of the -earliest being the parodying of Milton by John Philips, one of the most -artificial poets of his age (1676-1708). He was an avowed imitator of -Milton, and certainly evinced considerable talent in his peculiar line. -Philips wrote in blank verse a poem on the victory of Blenheim, and -another on Cider, the latter in imitation of the Georgics. His best work, -however, is that from which there follows a quotation, a parody on -"Paradise Lost," considered by Steele to be the best burlesque poem -extant. - -THE SPLENDID SHILLING. - - "'Sing, heavenly muse! - Things unattempted yet, in prose or rhyme,' - A shilling, breeches, and chimeras dire. - - Happy the man, who, void of care and strife, - In silken or in leathern purse retains - A Splendid Shilling: he nor hears with pain - New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale; - But with his friends, when nightly mists arise, - To Juniper's _Magpie_, or _Town-hall_[1] repairs: - Where, mindful of the nymph, whose wanton eye - Transfixed his soul, and kindled amorous flames, - Chloe or Phillis, he each circling glass - Wishes her health, and joy, and equal love. - Meanwhile he smokes, and laughs at merry tale, - Or pun ambiguous, or conundrum quaint. - But I, whom griping penury surrounds, - And hunger, sure attendant upon want, - With scanty offals, and small acid tiff, - Wretched repast! my meagre corpse sustain: - Then solitary walk, or doze at home - In garret vile, and with a warming puff - Regale chilled fingers; or from tube as black - As winter chimney, or well-polished jet, - Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent: - Not blacker tube, nor of a shorter size, - Smokes Cambro-Briton (versed in pedigree, - Sprung from Cadwallader and Arthur, kings - Full famous in romantic tale) when he - O'er many a craggy hill and barren cliff, - Upon a cargo of famed Cestrian cheese, - High over-shadowing rides, with a design - To vend his wares, or at th' Avonian mart, - Or Maridunum, or the ancient town - Yclep'd Brechinia, or where Vaga's stream - Encircles Ariconium, fruitful soil! - Whence flows nectareous wines, that well may vie - With Massic, Setin, or renowned Falern. - Thus, while my joyless minutes tedious flow - With looks demur, and silent pace, a dun, - Horrible monster! hated by gods and men, - To my aerial citadel ascends: - With vocal heel thrice thundering at my gate; - With hideous accent thrice he calls; I know - The voice ill-boding, and the solemn sound. - What should I do? or whither turn? Amazed, - Confounded, to the dark recess I fly - Of wood-hole; straight my bristling hairs erect - Through sudden fear: a chilly sweat bedews - My shuddering limbs, and (wonderful to tell!) - My tongue forgets her faculty of speech; - So horrible he seems! His faded brow - Intrenched with many a frown, and conic beard, - And spreading band, admired by modern saints, - Disastrous acts forebode; in his right hand - Long scrolls of paper solemnly he waves, - With characters and figures dire inscribed, - Grievous to mortal eyes (ye gods, avert - Such plagues from righteous men!) Behind him stalks - Another monster, not unlike himself, - Sullen of aspect, by the vulgar called - A catchpoll, whose polluted hands the gods - With force incredible, and magic charms, - First have endued: if he his ample palm - Should haply on ill-fated shoulder lay - Of debtor, straight his body, to the touch - Obsequious (as whilom knights were wont), - To some enchanted castle is conveyed, - Where gates impregnable, and coercive chains - In durance strict detain him, till, in form - Of money, Pallas sets him free. - Beware, ye debtors! when ye walk, beware, - Be circumspect; oft with insidious ken - This caitiff eyes your steps aloof, and oft - Lies perdue in a nook or gloomy cave, - Prompt to enchant some inadvertent wretch - With his unhallowed touch. So (poets sing) - Grimalkin, to domestic vermin sworn - An everlasting foe, with watchful eye - Lies nightly brooding o'er a chinky gap, - Portending her fell claws, to thoughtless mice - Sure ruin. So her disembowelled web - Arachne, in a hall or kitchen, spreads - Obvious to vagrant flies: she secret stands - Within her woven cell; the humming prey, - Regardless of their fate, rush on the toils - Inextricable; nor will aught avail - Their arts, or arms, or shapes of lovely hue: - The wasp insidious, and the buzzing drone, - And butterfly, proud of expanded wings - Distinct with gold, entangled in her snares, - Useless resistance make: with eager strides - She towering flies to her expected spoils: - Then, with envenomed jaws, the vital blood - Drinks of reluctant foes, and to her cave - Their bulky carcasses triumphant drags."... - -Perhaps the best English examples of the true parody--the above being more -of an imitation--are to be found in the "Rejected Addresses" of the -brothers James and Horace Smith. This work owed its origin to the -reopening of Drury Lane Theatre in 1812, after its destruction by fire. -The managers, in the true spirit of tradesmen, issued an advertisement -calling for Addresses, one of which should be spoken on the opening night. -Forty-three were sent in for competition. Overwhelmed by the amount of -talent thus placed at their disposal, the managers summarily rejected the -whole, and placed themselves under the care of Lord Byron, whose -composition, after all, was thought by some to be, if not unworthy, at -least ill-suited for the occasion. Mr. Ward, the secretary of the Theatre, -having casually started the idea of publishing a series of "Rejected -Addresses," composed by the most popular authors of the day, the brothers -Smith eagerly adopted the suggestion, and in six weeks the volume was -published, and received by the public with enthusiastic delight. They were -principally humorous imitations of eminent authors, and Lord Jeffrey said -of them in the _Edinburgh Review_: "I take them indeed to be the very best -imitations (and often of difficult originals) that ever were made; and, -considering their great extent and variety, to indicate a talent to which -I do not know where to look for a parallel. Some few of them descend to -the level of parodies; but by far the greater part are of a much higher -description." The one which follows is in imitation of Crabbe, and was -written by James Smith, and Jeffrey thought it "the best piece in the -collection. It is an exquisite and masterly imitation, not only of the -peculiar style, but of the taste, temper, and manner of description of -that most original author." Crabbe himself said regarding it, that it "was -admirably done." - -THE THEATRE. - - "'Tis sweet to view, from half-past five to six, - Our long wax candles, with short cotton wicks, - Touched by the lamplighter's Promethean art, - Start into light, and make the lighter start; - To see red Phoebus through the gallery-pane - Tinge with his beam the beams of Drury Lane; - While gradual parties fill our widen'd pit, - And gape, and gaze, and wonder, ere they sit. - At first, while vacant seats give choice and ease, - Distant or near, they settle where they please; - But when the multitude contracts the span, - And seats are rare, they settle where they can. - Now the full benches to late-comers doom - No room for standing, miscalled _standing-room_. - Hark! the check-taker moody silence breaks, - And bawling 'Pit full!' gives the check he takes; - Yet onward still the gathering numbers cram, - Contending crowders shout the frequent damn, - And all is bustle, squeeze, row, jabbering, and jam. - - See to their desks Apollo's sons repair-- - Swift rides the rosin o'er the horse's hair! - In unison their various tones to tune, - Murmurs the hautboy, growls the hoarse bassoon; - In soft vibration sighs the whispering lute, - Tang goes the harpsichord, too-too the flute, - Brays the loud trumpet, squeaks the fiddle sharp, - Winds the French horn, and twangs the tingling harp; - Till, like great Jove, the leader, figuring in, - Attunes to order the chaotic din. - Now all seems hushed; but no, one fiddle will - Give, half ashamed, a tiny flourish still. - Foiled in his crash, the leader of the clan - Reproves with frowns the dilatory man: - Then on his candlestick thrice taps his bow, - Nods a new signal, and away they go. - Perchance, while pit and gallery cry 'Hats off!' - And awed Consumption checks his chided cough, - Some giggling daughter of the Queen of Love - Drops, reft of pin, her play-bill from above; - Like Icarus, while laughing galleries clap, - Soars, ducks, and dives in air the printed scrap; - But, wiser far than he, combustion fears, - And, as it flies, eludes the chandeliers; - Till, sinking gradual, with repeated twirl, - It settles, curling, on a fiddler's curl, - Who from his powdered pate the intruder strikes, - And, for mere malice, sticks it on the spikes. - Say, why these Babel strains from Babel tongues? - Who's that calls 'Silence!' with such leathern lungs! - He who, in quest of quiet, 'Silence!' hoots, - Is apt to make the hubbub he imputes. - What various swains our motley walls contain!-- - Fashion from Moorfields, honour from Chick Lane; - Bankers from Paper Buildings here resort, - Bankrupts from Golden Square and Riches Court; - From the Haymarket canting rogues in grain, - Gulls from the Poultry, sots from Water Lane; - The lottery-cormorant, the auction shark, - The full-price master, and the half-price clerk; - Boys who long linger at the gallery-door, - With pence twice five--they want but twopence more; - Till some Samaritan the twopence spares, - And sends them jumping up the gallery-stairs. - Critics we boast who ne'er their malice balk, - But talk their minds--we wish they'd mind their talk; - Big-worded bullies, who by quarrels live-- - Who give the lie, and tell the lie they give; - Jews from St. Mary Axe, for jobs so wary, - That for old clothes they'd even axe St. Mary; - And bucks with pockets empty as their pate, - Lax in their gaiters, laxer in their gait; - Who oft, when we our house lock up, carouse - With tippling tipstaves in a lock-up house. - Yet here, as elsewhere, Chance can joy bestow - Where scowling fortune seem'd to threaten woe. - John Richard William Alexander Dwyer - Was footman to Justinian Stubbs, Esquire; - But when John Dwyer listed in the Blues, - Emanuel Jennings polished Stubbs's shoes; - Emanuel Jennings brought his youngest boy - Up as a corn-cutter--a safe employ; - In Holywell Street, St. Pancras, he was bred - (At number twenty-seven, it is said), - Facing the pump, and near the Granby's head; - He would have bound him to some shop in town, - But with a premium he could not come down. - Pat was the urchin's name--a red-haired youth, - Fonder of purl and skittle-grounds than truth. - Silence, ye gods! to keep your tongues in awe, - The Muse shall tell an accident she saw. - Pat Jennings in the upper gallery sat, - But, leaning forward, Jennings lost his hat; - Down from the gallery the beaver flew, - And spurned the one to settle in the two. - How shall he act? Pay at the gallery-door - Two shillings for what cost, when new, but four? - Or till half-price, to save his shilling, wait, - And gain his hat again at half-past eight? - Now, while his fears anticipate a thief, - John Mullens whispered, 'Take my handkerchief.' - 'Thank you,' cries Pat; 'but one won't make a line.' - 'Take mine,' cried Wilson; and cried Stokes, 'Take mine.' - A motley cable soon Pat Jennings ties, - Where Spitalfields with real India vies. - Like Iris' bow down darts the painted clue, - Starred, striped, and spotted, yellow, red, and blue, - Old calico, torn silk, and muslin new. - George Green below, with palpitating hand, - Loops the last 'kerchief to the beaver's band-- - Upsoars the prize! The youth, with joy unfeigned, - Regained the felt, and felt what he regained; - While to the applauding galleries grateful Pat - Made a low bow, and touched the ransomed hat!" - -From the same work is taken this parody on a beautiful passage in -Southey's "Kehama:" - - "Midnight, yet not a nose - From Tower Hill to Piccadilly snored! - Midnight, yet not a nose - From Indra drew the essence of repose. - See with what crimson fury, - By Indra fann'd, the god of fire ascends the walls of Drury! - The tops of houses, blue with lead, - Bend beneath the landlord's tread; - Master and 'prentice, serving-man and lord, - Nailor and tailor, - Grazier and brazier, - Through streets and alleys poured, - All, all abroad to gaze, - And wonder at the blaze. - Thick calf, fat foot, and slim knee, - Mounted on roof and chimney; - The mighty roast, the mighty stew - To see, - As if the dismal view - Were but to them a mighty jubilee." - -The brothers Smith reproduced Byron in the familiar "Childe Harold" -stanza, both in style and thought: - - "For what is Hamlet, but a hare in March? - And what is Brutus but a croaking owl? - And what is Rolla? Cupid steeped in starch, - Orlando's helmet in Augustin's cowl. - Shakespeare, how true thine adage, 'fair is foul!' - To him whose soul is with fruition fraught, - The song of Braham is an Irish howl, - Thinking is but an idle waste of thought, - And nought is everything, and everything is nought." - -Moore, also, was imitated in the same way, as in these verses: - - "The apples that grew on the fruit-tree of knowledge - By women were plucked, and she still wears the prize, - To tempt us in theatre, senate, or college-- - I mean the love-apples that bloom in the eyes. - - There, too, is the lash which, all statutes controlling, - Still governs the slaves that are made by the fair; - For man is the pupil who, while her eye's rolling, - Is lifted to rapture or sunk in despair." - -From the parody on Sir Walter Scott, it is difficult to select, being all -good; calling from Scott himself the remark, "I must have done this -myself, though I forget on what occasion." - -A TALE OF DRURY LANE. - -BY W. S. - - "As Chaos which, by heavenly doom, - Had slept in everlasting gloom, - Started with terror and surprise, - When light first flashed upon her eyes: - So London's sons in nightcap woke, - In bedgown woke her dames, - For shouts were heard mid fire and smoke, - And twice ten hundred voices spoke, - 'The playhouse is in flames.' - And lo! where Catherine Street extends, - A fiery tail its lustre lends - To every window pane: - Blushes each spout in Martlet Court, - And Barbican, moth-eaten fort, - And Covent Garden kennels sport - A bright ensanguined drain; - Meux's new brewhouse shows the light, - Rowland Hill's chapel, and the height - Where patent shot they sell: - The Tennis Court, so fair and tall, - Partakes the ray, with Surgeons' Hall, - The ticket porters' house of call, - Old Bedlam, close by London Wall, - Wright's shrimp and oyster shop withal, - And Richardson's hotel. - Nor these alone, but far and wide, - Across the Thames's gleaming tide, - To distant fields the blaze was borne; - And daisy white and hoary thorn, - In borrowed lustre seemed to sham - The rose or red Sweet Wil-li-am. - To those who on the hills around - Beheld the flames from Drury's mound, - As from a lofty altar rise; - It seemed that nations did conspire, - To offer to the god of fire - Some vast stupendous sacrifice! - The summoned firemen woke at call, - And hied them to their stations all. - Starting from short and broken snooze, - Each sought his ponderous hobnailed shoes; - But first his worsted hosen plied, - Plush breeches next in crimson dyed, - His nether bulk embraced; - Then jacket thick of red or blue, - Whose massy shoulders gave to view - The badge of each respective crew, - In tin or copper traced. - The engines thundered through the street, - Fire-hook, pipe, bucket, all complete, - And torches glared and clattering feet - Along the pavement paced. - - * * * * * - - E'en Higginbottom now was posed, - For sadder scene was ne'er disclosed; - Without, within, in hideous show, - Devouring flames resistless glow, - And blazing rafters downward go, - And never halloo 'Heads below!' - Nor notice give at all: - The firemen, terrified, are slow - To bid the pumping torrent flow, - For fear the roof should fall. - Back, Robins, back! Crump, stand aloof! - Whitford, keep near the walls! - Huggins, regard your own behoof, - For, lo! the blazing rocking roof - Down, down in thunder falls! - An awful pause succeeds the stroke, - And o'er the ruins volumed smoke, - Rolling around its pitchy shroud, - Concealed them from the astonished crowd. - At length the mist awhile was cleared, - When lo! amid the wreck upreared - Gradual a moving head appeared, - And Eagle firemen knew - 'Twas Joseph Muggins, name revered, - The foreman of their crew. - Loud shouted all in signs of woe, - 'A Muggins to the rescue, ho!' - And poured the hissing tide: - Meanwhile the Muggins fought amain, - And strove and struggled all in vain, - For, rallying but to fall again, - He tottered, sunk, and died! - Did none attempt, before he fell, - To succour one they loved so well? - Yes, Higginbottom did aspire - (His fireman's soul was all on fire) - His brother chief to save; - But ah! his reckless generous ire - Served but to share his grave! - 'Mid blazing beams and scalding streams, - Through fire and smoke he dauntless broke, - Where Muggins broke before. - But sulphury stench and boiling drench - Destroying sight, o'erwhelmed him quite; - He sunk to rise no more. - Still o'er his head, while Fate he braved, - His whizzing water-pipe he waved; - 'Whitford and Mitford, ply your pumps; - You, Clutterbuck, come, stir your stumps; - Why are you in such doleful dumps? - A fireman, and afraid of bumps! - What are they feared on? fools,--'od rot 'em!' - Were the last words of Higginbottom!"... - -Canning and Frere, the two chief writers in the "Anti-Jacobin," had great -merit as writers of parody. There is hardly a better one to be found than -the following on Southey's verses regarding Henry Martin the Regicide, the -fun of which is readily apparent even to those who do not know the -original: - -INSCRIPTION - - (For the door of the cell in Newgate where Mrs. Brownrigg, the - Prentice-cide, was confined previous to her execution). - - "For one long term, or e'er her trial came, - Here Brownrigg lingered. Often have these cells - Echoed her blasphemies, as with shrill voice - She screamed for fresh Geneva. Not to her - Did the blithe fields of Tothill, or thy street, - St. Giles, its fair varieties expand, - Till at the last, in slow-drawn cart, she went - To execution. Dost thou ask her crime? - She whipped two female prentices to death, - And hid them in the coal-hole. For her mind - Shaped strictest plans of discipline. Sage schemes! - Such as Lycurgus taught, when at the shrine - Of the Orthyan goddess he bade flog - The little Spartans; such as erst chastised - Our Milton, when at college. For this act - Did Brownrigg swing. Harsh laws! But time shall come - When France shall reign, and laws be all repealed." - -The following felicitous parody on Wolfe's "Lines on the Burial of Sir -John Moore" is taken from Thomas Hood: - - "Not a laugh was heard, nor a joyous note, - As our friend to the bridal we hurried; - Not a wit discharged his farewell joke, - As the bachelor went to be married. - - We married him quickly to save his fright, - Our heads from the sad sight turning; - And we sighed as we stood by the lamp's dim light, - To think him not more discerning. - - To think that a bachelor free and bright, - And shy of the sex as we found him, - Should there at the altar, at dead of night, - Be caught in the snares that bound him. - - Few and short were the words we said, - Though of cake and wine partaking; - We escorted him home from the scene of dread, - While his knees were awfully shaking. - - Slowly and sadly we marched adown - From the top to the lowermost story; - And we have never heard from nor seen the poor man - Whom we left alone in his glory." - -Mr. Barham has also left us a parody on the same lines: - - "Not a sou had he got,--not a guinea, or note, - And he looked most confoundedly flurried, - As he bolted away without paying his shot, - And the landlady after him hurried. - - We saw him again at dead of night, - When home from the club returning; - We twigged the Doctor beneath the light - Of the gas lamp brilliantly burning. - - All bare, and exposed to the midnight dews, - Reclined in the gutter we found him, - And he looked like a gentleman taking a snooze, - With his Marshall cloak around him. - - 'The Doctor is as drunk as the d--l,' we said, - And we managed a shutter to borrow, - We raised him, and sighed at the thought that his head - Would confoundedly ache on the morrow. - - We bore him home and we put him to bed, - And we told his wife and daughter - To give him next morning a couple of red - Herrings with soda-water. - - Loudly they talked of his money that's gone, - And his lady began to upbraid him; - But little he reck'd, so they let him snore on - 'Neath the counterpane, just as we laid him. - - We tuck'd him in, and had hardly done, - When beneath the window calling - We heard the rough voice of a son of a gun - Of a watchman 'one o'clock' bawling. - - Slowly and sadly we all walk'd down - From his room on the uppermost story, - A rushlight we placed on the cold hearth-stone, - And we left him alone in his glory." - -In the examples which follow, the selection has been made on the principle -of giving only those of which the prototypes are well known and will be -easily recognised, and here is another of Hood's, written on a popular -ballad: - - "We met--'twas in a mob--and I thought he had done me-- - I felt--I could not feel--for no watch was upon me; - He ran--the night was cold--and his pace was unaltered, - I too longed much to pelt--but my small-boned legs faltered. - I wore my brand new boots--and unrivalled their brightness, - They fit me to a hair--how I hated their tightness! - I called, but no one came, and my stride had a tether, - Oh, _thou_ hast been the cause of this anguish, my leather! - And once again we met--and an old pal was near him, - He swore, a something low--but 'twas no use to fear him, - I seized upon his arm, he was mine and mine only, - And stept, as he deserved--to cells wretched and lonely: - And there he will be tried--but I shall ne'er receive her, - The watch that went too sure for an artful deceiver; - The world may think me gay--heart and feet ache together, - Oh, _thou_ hast been the cause of this anguish, my leather!" - -Here is another upon an old favourite song: - -THE BANDIT'S FATE. - - "He wore a brace of pistols the night when first we met, - His deep-lined brow was frowning beneath his wig of jet, - His footsteps had the moodiness, his voice the hollow tone, - Of a bandit chief, who feels remorse, and tears his hair alone-- - I saw him but at half-price, but methinks I see him now, - In the tableau of the last act, with the blood upon his brow. - - A private bandit's belt and boots, when next we met, he wore; - His salary, he told me, was lower than before; - And standing at the O. P. wing he strove, and not in vain, - To borrow half a sovereign, which he never paid again. - I saw it but a moment--and I wish I saw it now-- - As he buttoned up his pocket, with a condescending bow. - - And once again we met; but no bandit chief was there; - His rouge was off, and gone that head of once luxuriant hair: - He lodges in a two-pair back, and at the public near, - He cannot liquidate his 'chalk,' or wipe away his beer. - I saw him sad and seedy, yet methinks I see him now, - In the tableau of the last act, with the blood upon his brow." - -Goldsmith's "When lovely woman stoops to folly," has been thus parodied by -Shirley Brooks: - - "When lovely woman, lump of folly, - Would show the world her vainest trait,-- - Would treat herself as child her dolly, - And warn each man of sense away,-- - The surest method she'll discover - To prompt a wink in every eye, - Degrade a spouse, disgust a lover, - And spoil a scalp-skin, is--to dye!" - -Examples like these are numerous, and may be found in the "Bon Gaultier -Ballads" of Theodore Martin and Professor Aytoun; "The Ingoldsby Legends" -of Barham; and the works of Lewis Carroll. - -One of the "Bon Gaultier" travesties was on Macaulay, and was called "The -Laureate's Journey;" of which these two verses are part: - - "'He's dead, he's dead, the Laureate's dead!' Thus, thus the cry began, - And straightway every garret roof gave up its minstrel man; - From Grub Street, and from Houndsditch, and from Farringdon Within, - The poets all towards Whitehall poured in with eldritch din. - - Loud yelled they for Sir James the Graham: but sore afraid was he; - A hardy knight were he that might face such a minstrelsie. - 'Now by St. Giles of Netherby, my patron saint, I swear, - I'd rather by a thousand crowns Lord Palmerston were here!'" - -It is necessary, however, to confine our quotations within reasonable -limits, and a few from the modern writers must suffice. The next is by -Henry S. Leigh, one of the best living writers of burlesque verse. - -ONLY SEVEN.[2] - -(A PASTORAL STORY, AFTER WORDSWORTH.) - - "I marvelled why a simple child, - That lightly draws its breath, - Should utter groans so very wild, - And look as pale as death. - - Adopting a parental tone, - I asked her why she cried; - The damsel answered with a groan, - 'I've got a pain inside. - - I thought it would have sent me mad, - Last night about eleven.' - Said I, 'What is it makes you bad? - How many apples have you had?' - She answered, 'Only seven!' - - 'And are you sure you took no more, - My little maid,' quoth I. - 'Oh, please, sir, mother gave me four, - But they were in a pie.' - - 'If that's the case,' I stammered out, - 'Of course you've had eleven.' - The maiden answered with a pout, - 'I ain't had more nor seven!' - - I wondered hugely what she meant, - And said, 'I'm bad at riddles, - But I know where little girls are sent - For telling tarradiddles. - - Now if you don't reform,' said I, - 'You'll never go to heaven!' - But all in vain; each time I try, - The little idiot makes reply, - 'I ain't had more nor seven!' - - POSTSCRIPT. - - To borrow Wordsworth's name was wrong, - Or slightly misapplied; - And so I'd better call my song, - 'Lines from Ache-inside.'" - -Mr. Swinburne's alliterative style lays him particularly open to the -skilful parodist, and he has been well imitated by Mr. Mortimer Collins, -who, perhaps, is as well known as novelist as poet. The following example -is entitled - -"IF." - - "If life were never bitter, - And love were always sweet, - Then who would care to borrow - A moral from to-morrow? - If Thames would always glitter, - And joy would ne'er retreat, - If life were never bitter, - And love were always sweet. - - If care were not the waiter, - Behind a fellow's chair, - When easy-going sinners - Sit down to Richmond dinners, - And life's swift stream goes straighter-- - By Jove, it would be rare, - If care were not the waiter - Behind a fellow's chair. - - If wit were always radiant, - And wine were always iced, - And bores were kicked out straightway - Through a convenient gateway: - Then down the year's long gradient - 'Twere sad to be enticed, - If wit were always radiant; - And wine were always iced." - -The next instance, by the same author, is another good imitation of Mr. -Swinburne's style. It is a recipe for - -SALAD. - - "Oh, cool in the summer is salad, - And warm in the winter is love; - And a poet shall sing you a ballad - Delicious thereon and thereof. - A singer am I, if no sinner, - My muse has a marvellous wing, - And I willingly worship at dinner - The sirens of spring. - - Take endive--like love it is bitter, - Take beet--for like love it is red; - Crisp leaf of the lettuce shall glitter - And cress from the rivulet's bed; - Anchovies, foam-born, like the lady - Whose beauty has maddened this bard; - And olives, from groves that are shady, - And eggs--boil 'em hard." - -The "Shootover Papers," by members of the Oxford University, contains this -parody, written upon the "Procuratores," a kind of university police: - - "Oh, vestment of velvet and virtue, - Oh, venomous victors of vice, - Who hurt men who never hurt you, - Oh, calm, cold, crueller than ice. - Why wilfully wage you this war, is - All pity purged out of your breast? - Oh, purse-prigging procuratores, - Oh, pitiless pest! - - We had smote and made redder than roses, - With juice not of fruit nor of bud, - The truculent townspeople's noses, - And bathed brutal butchers in blood; - And we all aglow in our glories, - Heard you not in the deafening din; - And ye came, oh ye procuratores, - And ran us all in!" - -In the same book a certain school of poets has been hit at in the -following lines: - - "Mingled, aye, with fragrant yearnings, - Throbbing in the mellow glow, - Glint the silvery spirit burnings, - Pearly blandishments of woe. - - Ay! for ever and for ever, - While the love-lorn censers sweep; - While the jasper winds dissever, - Amber-like, the crystal deep; - - Shall the soul's delicious slumber, - Sea-green vengeance of a kiss, - Reach despairing crags to number - Blue infinities of bliss." - -The "Diversions of the Echo Club," by Bayard Taylor, contains many -parodies, principally upon American poets, and gives this admirable -rendering of Edgar A. Poe's style: - -THE PROMISSORY NOTE. - - "In the lonesome latter years, - (Fatal years!) - To the dropping of my tears - Danced the mad and mystic spheres - In a rounded, reeling rune, - 'Neath the moon, - To the dripping and the dropping of my tears. - - Ah, my soul is swathed in gloom, - (Ulalume!) - In a dim Titanic tomb, - For my gaunt and gloomy soul - Ponders o'er the penal scroll, - O'er the parchment (not a rhyme), - Out of place,--out of time,-- - I am shredded, shorn, unshifty, - (Oh, the fifty!) - And the days have passed, the three, - Over me! - And the debit and the credit are as one to him and me! - - 'Twas the random runes I wrote - At the bottom of the note - (Wrote and freely - Gave to Greeley), - In the middle of the night, - In the mellow, moonless night, - When the stars were out of sight, - When my pulses like a knell, - (Israfel!) - Danced with dim and dying fays - O'er the ruins of my days, - O'er the dimeless, timeless days, - When the fifty, drawn at thirty, - Seeming thrifty, yet the dirty - Lucre of the market, was the most that I could raise! - - Fiends controlled it, - (Let him hold it!) - Devils held for me the inkstand and the pen; - Now the days of grace are o'er, - (Ah, Lenore!) - I am but as other men: - What is time, time, time, - To my rare and runic rhyme, - To my random, reeling rhyme, - By the sands along the shore, - Where the tempest whispers, 'Pay him!' and I answer, 'Nevermore!'"[3] - -Bret Harte also has given a good imitation of Poe's style in "The -Willows," from which there follows an extract: - - "But Mary, uplifting her finger, - Said, 'Sadly this bar I mistrust,-- - I fear that this bar does not trust. - Oh, hasten--oh, let us not linger-- - Oh, fly--let us fly--ere we must!' - In terror she cried, letting sink her - Parasol till it trailed in the dust,-- - In agony sobbed, letting sink her - Parasol till it trailed in the dust,-- - Till it sorrowfully trailed in the dust. - - Then I pacified Mary and kissed her, - And tempted her into the room, - And conquered her scruples and gloom; - And we passed to the end of the vista, - But were stopped by the warning of doom,-- - By some words that were warning of doom. - And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister, - At the opposite end of the room?' - She sobbed as she answered, 'All liquors - Must be paid for ere leaving the room.'" - -Mr. Calverley is perhaps one of the best of the later parodists, and he -hits off Tennyson, Mrs. Browning, Coventry Patmore, and others most -inimitably. We give a couple of verses from one, a parody of his upon a -well-known lyric of Tennyson's, and few we think after perusing it would -be able to read "The Brook" without its murmur being associated with the -wandering tinker: - - "I loiter down by thorp and town; - For any job I'm willing; - Take here and there a dusty brown - And here and there a shilling. - - * * * * * - - Thus on he prattled, like a babbling brook, - Then I; 'The sun has slept behind the hill, - And my Aunt Vivian dines at half-past six.' - So in all love we parted: I to the Hall, - They to the village. It was noised next noon - That chickens had been missed at Syllabub Farm." - -Mr. Tennyson's "Home they brought her warrior dead," has likewise been -differently travestied by various writers. One of these by Mr. Sawyer is -given here: - - -THE RECOGNITION. - - "Home they brought her sailor son, - Grown a man across the sea, - Tall and broad and black of beard, - And hoarse of voice as man may be. - - Hand to shake and mouth to kiss, - Both he offered ere he spoke; - But she said, 'What man is this - Comes to play a sorry joke?' - - Then they praised him--call'd him 'smart,' - 'Tightest lad that ever stept;' - But her son she did not know, - And she neither smiled nor wept. - - Rose, a nurse of ninety years, - Set a pigeon-pie in sight; - She saw him eat--''Tis he! 'tis he!'-- - She knew him--by his appetite!" - -"The May-Queen" has also suffered in some verses called "The Biter Bit," -of which these are the last four lines: - - "You may lay me in my bed, mother--my head is throbbing sore; - And, mother, prithee let the sheets be duly aired before; - And if you'd do a kindness to your poor desponding child, - Draw me a pot of beer, mother--and, mother, draw it mild!" - -Mr. Calverley has imitated well also the old ballad style, as in this one, -of which we give the opening verses: - - "It was a railway passenger, - And he leapt out jauntilie. - 'Now up and bear, thou proud porter, - My two chattels to me. - - * * * * * - - 'And fetch me eke a cabman bold, - That I may be his fare, his fare: - And he shall have a good shilling, - If by two of the clock he do me bring - To the terminus, Euston Square.' - - 'Now,--so to thee the Saints alway, - Good gentlemen, give luck,-- - As never a cab may I find this day, - For the cabmen wights have struck: - - And now, I wis, at the Red Post Inn, - Or else at the Dog and Duck, - Or at Unicorn Blue, or at Green Griffin, - The nut-brown ale and the fine old gin - Right pleasantlie they do suck.'"... - -The following imitation of the old ballad form is by Mr. Lewis Carroll, -who has written many capital versions of different poems: - -YE CARPETTE KNYGHTE. - - "I have a horse--a ryghte good horse-- - Ne doe I envie those - Who scoure ye plaine in headie course, - Tyll soddaine on theyre nose - They lyghte wyth unexpected force-- - It ys--a horse of clothes. - - I have a saddel--'Say'st thou soe? - Wyth styrruppes, knyghte, to boote?' - I sayde not that--I answere 'Noe'-- - Yt lacketh such, I woot-- - Yt ys a mutton-saddel, loe! - Parte of ye fleecie brute. - - I have a bytte--a right good bytte-- - As schall be seen in time. - Ye jawe of horse yt wyll not fytte-- - Yts use ys more sublyme. - Fayre Syr, how deemest thou of yt? - Yt ys--thys bytte of rhyme." - -In "Alice in Wonderland,"[4] by the same gentleman, there is this new -version of an old nursery ditty: - - "'Will you walk a little faster?' said a whiting to a snail, - 'There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. - See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! - They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance? - Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? - Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? - - 'You can really have no notion how delightful it will be - When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea!' - But the snail replied, 'Too far, too far!' and gave a look askance, - Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. - Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance, - Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. - - 'What matters it how far we go?' his scaly friend replied; - 'There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. - The farther off from England the nearer is to France-- - Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance? - Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? - Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?'" - -Mr. Carroll's adaptation of "You are old, Father William," is one of the -best of its class, and here are two verses: - - "'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, - 'And your hair has become very white; - And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- - Do you think, at your age, it is right?' - 'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, - 'I feared it might injure the brain; - But now I am perfectly sure I have none-- - Why, I do it again and again!' - - 'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak - For anything tougher than suet; - Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- - Pray, how do you manage to do it?' - 'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law, - And argued each case with my wife; - And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw - Has lasted the rest of my life.'"[5] - -Mr. H. Cholmondeley-Pennell in "Puck on Pegasus" gives some good examples, -such as that on the "Hiawatha" of Longfellow, the "Song of In-the-Water," -and also that on Southey's "How the Waters come down at Lodore," the -parody being called "How the Daughters come down at Dunoon," of which -these are the concluding lines: - - "Feathers a-flying all--bonnets untying all-- - Crinolines rapping and flapping and slapping all, - Balmorals dancing and glancing entrancing all,-- - Feats of activity-- - Nymphs on declivity-- - Sweethearts in ecstasies-- - Mothers in vextasies-- - Lady-loves whisking and frisking and clinging on, - True lovers puffing and blowing and springing on, - Flushing and blushing and wriggling and giggling on, - Teasing and pleasing and wheezing and squeezing on, - Everlastingly falling and bawling and sprawling on, - Flurrying and worrying and hurrying and skurrying on, - Tottering and staggering and lumbering and slithering on, - Any fine afternoon - About July or June-- - That's just how the Daughters - Come down at Dunoon!" - -"Twas ever thus," the well-known lines of Moore, has also been travestied -by Mr. H. C. Pennell: - - "Wus! ever wus! By freak of Puck's - My most exciting hopes are dashed; - I never wore my spotless ducks - But madly--wildly--they were splashed! - I never roved by Cynthia's beam, - To gaze upon the starry sky; - But some old stiff-backed beetle came, - And charged into my pensive eye: - - And oh! I never did the swell - In Regent Street, amongst the beaus, - But smuts the most prodigious fell, - And always settled on my nose!" - -Moore's lines have evidently been tempting to the parodists, for Mr. -Calverley and Mr. H. S. Leigh have also written versions: Mr. Leigh's -begins thus-- - - "I never reared a young gazelle - (Because, you see, I never tried), - But had it known and loved me well, - No doubt the creature would have died. - My sick and aged Uncle John - Has known me long and loves me well, - But still persists in living on-- - I would he were a young gazelle." - -Shakespeare's soliloquy in Hamlet has been frequently selected as a -subject for parody; the first we give being the work of Mr. F. C. Burnand -in "Happy Thoughts": - - "To sniggle or to dibble, that's the question! - Whether to bait a hook with worm or bumble, - Or to take up arms of any sea, some trouble - To fish, and then home send 'em. To fly--to whip-- - To moor and tie my boat up by the end - To any wooden post, or natural rock - We may be near to, on a Preservation - Devoutly to be fished. To fly--to whip-- - To whip! perchance two bream;--and there's the chub!" - -CREMATION. - - "To Urn, or not to Urn? That is the question: - Whether 'tis better in our frames to suffer - The shows and follies of outrageous custom, - Or to take fire against a sea of zealots, - And, by consuming, end them? To Urn--to keep-- - No more: and while we keep, to say we end - Contagion, and the thousand graveyard ills - That flesh is heir to--'tis a consume-ation - Devoutly to be wished! To burn--to keep-- - To keep! Perchance to lose--ay, there's the rub! - For in the course of things what duns may come, - Or who may shuffle off our Dresden urn, - Must give us pause. There's the respect - That makes inter-i-ment of so long use; - For who would have the pall and plumes of hire, - The tradesman's prize--a proud man's obsequies, - The chaffering for graves, the legal fee, - The cemetery beadle, and the rest, - When he himself might his few ashes make - With a mere furnace? Who would tombstones bear, - And lie beneath a lying epitaph, - But that the dread of simmering after death-- - That uncongenial furnace from whose burn - No incremate returns--weakens the will, - And makes us rather bear the graves we have - Than fly to ovens that we know not of?" - -The next, on the same subject, is from an American source, where it is -introduced by the remark: - -"I suppose they'll be wanting us to change our language as well as our -habits. Our years will have to be dated A.C., in the year of cremation; -and 'from creation to cremation' will serve instead of 'from the cradle to -the grave.' We may expect also some lovely elegies in the -future--something in the following style perhaps, for, of course, when -gravediggers are succeeded by pyre-lighters, the grave laments of yore -will be replaced by lighter melodies": - - "Above your mantel, in the new screen's shade, - Where smokes the coal in one dull, smouldering heap, - Each in his patent urn for ever laid, - The baked residue of our fathers sleep. - - The wheezy call of muffins in the morn, - The milkman tottering from his rushy sled, - The help's shrill clarion, or the fishman's horn, - No more shall rouse them from their lofty bed. - - For them no more the blazing fire-grate burns, - Or busy housewife fries her savoury soles, - Though children run to clasp their sires' red urns, - And roll them in a family game of bowls. - - Perhaps in this deserted pot is laid - Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire, - Hands that the rod paternal may have swayed, - Or waked to ecstasy the living liar." - -The well-known lady traveller, Mrs. Burton, in one of her volumes gives -the following amusing verses: - - "What is the black man saying, - Brother, the whole day long? - Methinks I hear him praying - Ever the self-same song-- - _Sa'b meri bakshish do_! - - Brother, they are not praying, - They are not doing so; - The only thing they're saying - Is _sa'b meri bakshish do_. - (Gi'e me a 'alfpenny do.)" - -To give specimens of all the kinds of parody were impossible, and we can -only refer to the prose parodies of Thackeray's "Novels by Eminent Hands," -and Bret Harte's "Condensed Novels."[6] Renderings of popular ballads in -this way are common enough in our comic periodicals, as _Punch_, _Fun_, -&c. Indeed, one appeared in _Punch_ a number of years ago, called -"Ozokerit," a travesty of Tennyson's "In Memoriam," which has been -considered one of the finest ever written. They are to be found, too, in -many of those Burlesques and Extravaganzas which are put upon the stage -now, and these the late Mr. Planche had a delightful faculty of writing, -the happiness and ring of which have rarely been equalled. Take, for -instance, one verse of a parody in "Jason" on a well-known air in the -"Waterman:" - - "Now farewell my trim-built Argo, - Greece and Fleece and all, farewell, - Never more as supercargo - Shall poor Jason cut a swell." - -And here is the opening verse of another song by the same author: - - "When other lips and other eyes - Their tales of love shall tell, - Which means the usual sort of lies - You've heard from many a swell; - When, bored with what you feel is bosh, - You'd give the world to see - A friend whose love you know will wash, - Oh, then, remember me!" - -Another very popular song has been parodied in this way by Mr. Carroll: - - "Beautiful soup, so rich and green, - Waiting in a big tureen! - Who for such dainties would not stoop! - Soup of the evening, beautiful soup! - Soup of the evening, beautiful soup!" - -American papers put in circulation many little verses, such as this-- - - "The melancholy days have come, - The saddest of the year; - Too warm, alas! for whiskey punch, - Too cold for lager beer." - -And this, in reference to the Centennial Exhibition: - - "Breathes there a Yank, so mean, so small, - Who never says, 'Wall, now, by Gaul, - I reckon since old Adam's fall - There's never growed on this 'ere ball - A nation so all-fired tall - As we centennial Yankees." - -A number of periodicals nowadays make parody and other out-of-the-way -styles of literary composition a feature in their issues by way of -competition for prizes, and one of these is given here. The author signs -himself "Hermon," and the poem was selected by the editor of "Truth" -(November 25, 1880) for a prize in a competition of parodies upon -"Excelsior." It is called "That Thirty-four!" having reference, it is -perhaps hardly necessary to state, to the American puzzle of that name -which has proved so perplexing an affair to some people. - -THAT THIRTY-FOUR. - - "Chill August's storms were piping loud, - When through a gaping London crowd, - There passed a youth, who still was heard - To mutter the perplexing word, - 'That Thirty-four!' - - His eyes were wild; his brow above - Was crumpled like an old kid-glove; - And like some hoarse crow's grating note - That word still quivered in his throat, - 'That Thirty-four!' - - 'Oh, give it up!' his comrades said; - 'It only muddles your poor head; - It is not worth your finding out.' - He answered with a wailing shout, - 'That Thirty-four!' - - 'Art not content,' the maiden said, - 'To solve the "Fifteen"-one instead?' - He paused--his tearful eyes he dried-- - Gulped down a sob, then sadly sighed, - 'That Thirty-four!' - - At midnight, on their high resort, - The cats were startled at their sport - To hear, beneath one roof, a tone - Gasp out, betwixt a snore and groan, - 'That Thirty-four!'" - - - - -_CHAIN VERSE._ - - -This ingenious style of versification, where the last word or phrase in -each line is taken for the beginning of the next, is sometimes also called -"Concatenation" verse. The invention of this mode of composition is -claimed by M. Lasphrise, a French poet, who wrote the following: - - "Falloit-il que le ciel me rendit amoreux, - Amoreux, jouissant d'une beaute craintive, - Craintive a recevoir la douceur excessive, - Excessive au plaisir que rend l'amant heureux? - Heureux si nous avions quelques paisibles lieux, - Lieux ou plus surement l'ami fidele arrive, - Arrive sans soupcon de quelque ami attentive, - Attentive a vouloir nous surprendre tous deux." - -The poem which follows is from a manuscript furnished by an American -gentleman, who states that he has never seen it in print, and knows not -the author's name. The "rhythm somewhat resembles the ticking of a clock," -from whence the poem derives its name of - -THE MUSICAL CLOCK. - - "Wing the course of time with music, - Music of the grand old days-- - Days when hearts were brave and noble, - Noble in their simple ways. - Ways, however rough, yet earnest, - Earnest to promote the truth-- - Truth that teaches us a lesson, - Lesson worthy age and youth. - Youth and age alike may listen-- - Listen, meditate, improve-- - Improve in happiness and glory, - Glory that shall Heavenward move. - Move, as music moves, in pathos, - Pathos sweet, and power sublime, - Sublime to raise the spirit drooping, - Drooping with the toils of time. - Time reveals, amid its grandeur, - Grandeur purer, prouder still-- - Still revealing dreams of beauty, - Beauty that inspires the will-- - Will a constant sighing sorrow, - Sorrow full of tears restore, - Restore but for a moment, pleasure? - Pleasure dead can live no more. - No more, then, languish for the buried, - Buried calmly let it be. - Be the star of promise Heaven, - Heaven has sweeter joys for thee. - For thee perchance, though dark the seeming, - Seeming dark, may yet prove bright, - Bright through mortal cares, shall softly, - Softly dissipate the night. - Night shall not endure for ever,-- - Ever! no, the laws of Earth, - Earth inconstant, shall forbid it-- - Bid it change from gloom to mirth. - Mirth and grief, are light and shadow-- - Shadows light to us are dear. - Dear the scene becomes by contrast-- - Contrast there, in beauty here. - Here, through sun and tempest many, - Many shall thy being pass-- - Pass without a sigh of sorrow, - Sorrow wins not by alas! - Alas! we pardon in a maiden, - Maiden when her heart is young, - Young and timid, but in manhood, - Manhood should be sterner strung, - Strung as though his nerves were iron, - Iron tempered well to bend-- - Bend, mayhap, but yielding never, - Never, when despair would rend-- - Rend the pillars from the temple, - Temple in the human breast, - Breast that lonely grief has chosen, - Chosen for her place of rest-- - Rest unto thy spirit, only, - Only torment will she bring. - Bring, oh man! the lyre of gladness, - Gladness frights the harpy's wing!" - -The following two pieces are similar in style to some of our -seventeenth-century poets: - -AD MORTEM. - - "The longer life, the more offence; - The more offence, the greater pain; - The greater pain, the less defence; - The less defence, the greater gain-- - Wherefore, come death, and let me die! - - The shorter life, less care I find, - Less care I take, the sooner over; - The sooner o'er, the merrier mind; - The merrier mind, the better lover-- - Wherefore, come death, and let me die! - - Come, gentle death, the ebb of care; - The ebb of care, the flood of life; - The flood of life, I'm sooner there; - I'm sooner there--the end of strife-- - The end of strife, that thing wish I-- - Wherefore, come death, and let me die!" - -TRUTH. - - "Nerve thy soul with doctrines noble, - Noble in the walks of time, - Time that leads to an eternal - An eternal life sublime; - Life sublime in moral beauty, - Beauty that shall ever be; - Ever be to lure thee onward, - Onward to the fountain free-- - Free to every earnest seeker, - Seeker for the Fount of Youth-- - Youth exultant in its beauty, - Beauty of the living truth." - -The following hymn appears in the Irish Church Hymnal, and is by Mr. J. -Byrom: - - "My spirit longs for Thee - Within my troubled breast, - Though I unworthy be - Of so Divine a Guest. - - Of so Divine a Guest - Unworthy though I be, - Yet has my heart no rest, - Unless it come from Thee. - - Unless it come from Thee, - In vain I look around; - In all that I can see - No rest is to be found. - - No rest is to be found. - But in Thy blessed love; - Oh, let my wish be crowned - And send it from above." - -Dr., as he was commonly called, Byrom, seems to have been an amiable and -excellent man, and his friends after his death in September 1763 collected -and published all the verses of his they could lay hands on, in 2 vols. -12mo, at Manchester in 1773. A more complete edition was issued in 1814. -Many of Byrom's poems evince talent, but a great part are only calculated -for private perusal: his "Diary" and "Remains" were published by the -Chetham Society (1854-57). Byrom was the inventor of a successful system -of shorthand. He was a decided Jacobite, and his mode of defending his -sentiments on this point are still remembered and quoted: - - "God bless the King! I mean the Faith's defender; - God bless--no harm in blessing--the Pretender! - But who Pretender is, or who the King, - God bless us all--that's quite another thing!" - - - - -_MACARONIC VERSE._ - - -Macaronic verse is properly a system of Latin inflections joined to words -of a modern vernacular, such as English, French, German, &c.; some -writers, however, choose to disregard the strictness of this definition, -and consider everything macaronic which is written with the aid of more -than one language or dialect. Dr. Geddes (born 1737; died 1802), -considered one of the greatest of English macaronic writers, says: "It is -the characteristic of a Macaronic poem to be written in Latin hexameters; -but so as to admit occasionally vernacular words, either in their native -form, or with a Latin inflection--other licenses, too, are allowed in the -measure of the lines, contrary to the strict rules of prosody." Broad -enough reservations these, of which Dr. Geddes in his own works was not -slow in availing himself, and as will be seen in the specimens given, his -example has been well followed, for the strict rule that an English -macaronic should consist of the vernacular made classical with Latin -terminations has been as much honoured in the breach as in the observance. -Another characteristic in macaronics is that these poems recognise no law -in orthography, etymology, syntax, or prosody. The examples which here -follow are confined exclusively to those which have their basis, so to -speak, in the English language, and, with the exception of a few of the -earlier ones, the majority of the selections in this volume have their -origin in our own times. - -"The earliest collection of English Christmas carols supposed to have been -published," says Hone's "Every Day Book," "is only known from the last -leaf of a volume printed by Wynkyn Worde in 1521. There are two carols -upon it: 'A Carol of Huntynge' is reprinted in the last edition of Juliana -Berners' 'Boke of St. Alban's;' the other, 'A carol of bringing in the -Bore's Head,' is in Dibdin's edition of 'Ames,' with a copy of the carol -as it is now sung in Queen's College, Oxford, every Christmas Day." Dr. -Bliss of Oxford printed a few copies of this for private circulation, -together with Anthony Wood's version of it. The version subjoined is from -a collection imprinted at London, "in the Poultry, by Richard Kele, -dwelling at the long shop vnder Saynt Myldrede's Chyrche," about 1546: - -A CAROL BRINGING IN THE BORE'S HEAD. - - "Caput apri defero - Reddens laudes Domino. - The bore's heed in hande bring I, - With garlands gay and rosemary, - I pray you all synge merelye - Qui estis in convivio. - - The bore's heed I understande - Is the thefte service in this lande, - Take wherever it be fande, - Servite cum cantico. - Be gladde lordes both more and lasse, - For this hath ordeyned our stewarde, - To cheere you all this Christmasse, - The bore's heed with mustarde. - Caput apri defero - Reddens laudes Domino." - -Another version of the last verse is: - - "Our steward hath provided this - In honour of the King of Bliss: - Which on this clay to be served is, - In Regimensi Atrio. - Caput apri defero - Reddens laudes Domino." - -Skelton, who was the poet-laureate about the end of the fifteenth century, -has in his "Boke of Colin Clout," and also in that of "Philip Sparrow," -much macaronic verse, as in "Colin Clout," when he is speaking of the -priests of those days, he says: - - "Of suche vagabundus - Speaking totus mundus, - How some syng let abundus, - At euerye ale stake - With welcome hake and make, - By the bread that God brake, - I am sory for your sake. - I speake not of the god wife - But of their apostles lyfe, - Cum ipsis vel illis - Qui manent in villis - Est uxor vel ancilla, - Welcome Jacke and Gilla, - My prety Petronylla, - An you wil be stilla - You shall haue your willa, - Of such pater noster pekes - All the world speakes," &c. - -In Harsnett's "Detection" are some curious lines, being a curse for "the -miller's eeles that were stolne": - - "All you that stolne the miller's eeles, - Laudate dominum de coelis, - And all they that have consented thereto, - Benedicamus domino." - -In "Literary Frivolities" there was a notice of and quotation from -Ruggles' _jeu d'esprit_ of "Ignoramus," and here follows a short scene -from this play, containing a humorous burlesque of the old Norman -Law-Latin, in which the elder brethren of the legal profession used to -plead, and in which the old Reporters come down to the Bar of to-day--if, -indeed, that venerable absurdity can be caricatured. It would be rather -difficult to burlesque a system that provided for a writ _de pipa vini -carrianda_--that is, "for negligently carrying a pipe of wine!" - -IGNORAMUS. - - ACTUS I.--SCENA III. - - ARGUMENTUM. - - IGNORAMUS, clericis suis vocatis DULMAN & PECUS, amorem suum erga - ROSABELLAM narrat, irredetque MUSAEUM quasi hominem academicum. - - _Intrant_ IGNORAMUS, DULMAN, PECUS, MUSAEUS. - - _Igno._ Phi, phi: tanta pressa, tantum croudum, ut fui pene trusus ad - mortem. Habebo actionem de intrusione contra omnes et singulos. Aha - Mounsieurs, voulez voz intruder par joint tenant? il est playne case, - il est point droite de le bien seance. O valde caleor: O chaud, chaud, - chaud: precor Deum non meltavi meum pingue. Phi, phi. In nomine Dei, - ubi sunt clerici mei jam? Dulman, Dulman. - - _Dul._ Hic, Magister Ignoramus, vous avez Dulman. - - _Igno._ Meltor, Dulman, meltor. Rubba me cum towallio, rubba. Ubi est - Pecus? - - _Pec._ Hic, Sir. - - _Igno._ Fac ventum, Pecus. Ita, sic, sic. Ubi est Fledwit? - - _Dul._ Non est inventus. - - _Igno._ Ponite nunc chlamydes vestras super me, ne capiam frigus. Sic, - sic. Ainsi, bien faict. Inter omnes poenas meas, valde laetor, et - gaudeo nunc, quod feci bonum aggreamentum, inter Anglos nostros: - aggreamentum, quasi aggregatio mentium. Super inde cras hoysabimus - vela, et retornabimus iterum erga Londinum: tempus est, nam huc - venimus Octabis Hillarii, et nunc fere est Quindena Pasche. - - _Dul._ Juro, magister, titillasti punctum legis hodie. - - _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! Puto titillabam. Si le nom del granteur, ou grante - soit rased, ou interlined en faict pol, le faict est grandement - suspicious. - - _Dul._ Et nient obstant, si faict pol, &c., &c. Oh illud etiam in - Covin. - - _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! - - _Pec._ At id, de un faict pendu en le smoak, nunquam audivi titillatum - melius. - - _Igno._ Ha, ha, he! Quid tu dicis, Musaee? - - _Mus._ Equidem ego parum intellexi. - - _Igno._ Tu es gallicrista, vocatus a coxcomb; nunquam faciam te - Legistam. - - _Dul._ Nunquam, nunquam; nam ille fuit Universitans. - - _Igno._ Sunt magni idiotae, et clerici nihilorum, isti Universitantes: - miror quomodo spendisti tuum tempus inter eos. - - _Mus._ Ut plurimum versatus sum in Logica. - - _Igno._ Logica? Quae villa, quod burgum est Logica? - - _Mus._ Est una artium liberalium. - - _Igno._ Liberalium? Sic putabam. In nomine Dei, stude artes parcas et - lucrosas: non est mundus pro artibus liberalibus jam. - - _Mus._ Deditus etiam fui amori Philosophiae. - - _Igno._ Amori? Quid! Es pro bagaschiis et strumpetis? Si custodis - malam regulam, non es pro me, sursum reddam te in manus parentum - iterum. - - _Mus._ Dii faxint. - - _Igno._ Quota est clocka nunc? - - _Dul._ Est inter octo et nina. - - _Igno._ Inter octo et nina? Ite igitur ad mansorium nostrum cum baggis - et rotulis.--Quid id est? videam hoc instrumentum; mane petit, dum - calceo spectacula super nasum. O ho, ho, scio jam. Haec indentura, - facta, &c., inter Rogerum Rattledoke de Caxton in comitatu Brecknocke, - &c. O ho, Richard Fen, John Den. O ho, Proud Buzzard, plaintiff, - adversus Peakegoose, defendant. O ho, vide hic est defalta literae; - emenda, emenda; nam in nostra lege una comma evertit totum Placitum. - Ite jam, copiato tu hoc, tu hoc ingrossa, tu Universitans trussato - sumptoriam pro jornea. - - [_Exeunt Clerici._ - - IGNORAMUS _solus_. - - Hi, ho! Rosabella, hi ho! Ego nunc eo ad Veneris curiam letam, tentam - hic apud Torcol: Vicecomes ejus Cupido nunquam cessavit, donec invenit - me in baliva sua: Primum cum amabam Rosabellam nisi parvum, misit - parvum Cape, tum magnum Cape, et post, alias Capias et pluries Capias, - & Capias infinitas; & sic misit tot Capias, ut tandem capavit me ut - legatum ex omni sensu et ratione mea. Ita sum sicut musca sine caput; - buzzo & turno circumcirca, et nescio quid facio. Cum scribo - instrumentum, si femina nominatur, scribo Rosabellam; pro Corpus cum - causa, corpus cum cauda; pro Noverint universi, Amaverint universi; - pro habere ad rectum, habere ad lectum; et sic vasto totum - instrumentum. Hei, ho! ho, hei, ho! - -The following song by O'Keefe, is a mixture of English, Latin, and -nonsense: - - "Amo, amas, - I love a lass, - As cedar tall and slender; - Sweet cowslip's grace - Is her nominative case, - And she's of the feminine gender. - - _Chorus._ - - Rorum, corum, sunt di-vorum, - Harum, scarum, divo; - Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hatband, - Hic, hoc, horum genitivo. - - Can I decline a nymph so divine? - Her voice like a flute is dulcis; - Her oculus bright, her manus white - And soft, when I tacto her pulse is. - _Chorus._ - - O how bella, my puella - I'll kiss in secula seculorum; - If I've luck, sir, she's my uxor, - O dies benedictorum." - _Chorus._ - -Of the many specimens written by the witty and versatile Dr. Maginn we -select this one - -THE SECOND EPODE OF HORACE. - - "Blest man, who far from busy hum, - Ut prisca gens mortalium, - Whistles his team afield with glee - Solutus omni fenore; - He lives in peace, from battles free, - Neq' horret irratum mare; - And shuns the forum, and the gay - Potentiorum limina, - Therefore to vines of purple gloss - Atlas maritat populos. - Or pruning off the boughs unfit - Feliciores inserit; - Or, in a distant vale at ease - Prospectat errantes greges; - Or honey into jars conveys - Aut tondet infirmas oves. - When his head decked with apples sweet - Auctumnus agris extulit, - At plucking pears he's quite _au fait_ - Certant, et uvam purpurae. - Some for Priapus, for thee some - Sylvare, tutor finium! - Beneath an oak 'tis sweet to be - Mod' in tenaci gramine: - The streamlet winds in flowing maze - Queruntur in silvis aves; - The fount in dulcet murmur plays - Somnos quod invitet leves. - But when winter comes, (and that - Imbres nivesque comparat,) - With dogs he forces oft to pass - Apros in obstantes plagas; - Or spreads his nets so thick and close - Turdis edacibus dolos; - Or hares, or cranes, from far away - Jucunda captat praemia: - The wooer, love's unhappy stir, - Haec inter obliviscitur, - His wife can manage without loss - Domum et parvos liberos; - (Suppose her Sabine, or the dry - Pernicis uxor Appali,) - Who piles the sacred hearthstone high - Lassi sub adventum viri, - And from his ewes, penned lest they stray, - Distenta siccet ubera; - And this year's wine disposed to get - Dapes inemtas apparet. - Oysters to me no joys supply, - Magisve rhombus, aut scari, - (If when the east winds boisterous be - Hiems ad hoc vertat mare;) - Your Turkey pout is not to us, - Non attagen Ionicus, - So sweet as what we pick at home - Oliva ramis arborum! - Or sorrel, which the meads supply, - Malvae salubres corpori-- - Or lamb, slain at a festal show - Vel haedus ereptus lupo. - Feasting, 'tis sweet the creature's dumb, - Videre prop'rantes domum, - Or oxen with the ploughshare go, - Collo trahentes languido; - And all the slaves stretched out at ease, - Circum renidentes Lares! - Alphius the usurer, babbled thus, - Jam jam futurus rusticus, - Called in his cast on th' Ides--but he - Quaerit Kalendis ponere!" - -There is a little bit by Barham ("Ingoldsby Legends") which is worthy of -insertion: - - "What Horace says is - Eheu fugaces - Anni labuntur, Postume! Postume! - Years glide away and are lost to me--lost to me! - Now when the folks in the dance sport their merry toes, - Taglionis and Ellslers, Duvernays and Ceritos, - Sighing, I murmured, 'O mihi pretaeritos!'" - -The following bright _carmen Macaronicum_ appeared in an American -periodical in 1873: - -REX MIDAS. - - "Vivit a rex in Persia land, - A potens rex was he; - Suum imperium did extend - O'er terra and o'er sea. - - Rex Midas habuit multum gold, - Tamen he wanted plus; - 'Non satis est,' his constant cry-- - Ergo introit fuss. - - Silenus was inebrius,-- - Id est, was slightly tight, - As he went vagus through the urbs, - It was a tristis sight. - - Rex Midas equitavit past - On suum dromedary, - Vidit Silenus on his spree, - Sic laetus et sic merry. - - His costume was a wreath of leaves, - And those were multum battered; - Urchins had stoned him, and the ground - Cum lachrymis was scattered. - - Rex Midas picked hunc senem up, - And put him on his pony, - Et bore him ad castellum grand - Quod cost him multum money. - - Dedit Silenum mollem care: - Cum Bacchus found his ubi - Promisit Midas quod he asked. - Rex Midas fuit--booby. - - For aurum was his gaudium, - Rogavit he the favour - Ut quid he touched might turn to gold; - Ab this he'd nunquam never. - - Carpsit arose to try the charm, - Et in eodem minute - It mutat into flavum gold, - Ridet as spectat in it. - - His filia rushed to meet her sire, - He osculavit kindly; - She lente stiffened into gold-- - Vidit he'd acted blindly. - - Spectavit on her golden form, - And in his brachia caught her: - 'Heu me! sed tamen breakfast waits, - My daughter, oh! my daughter!' - - Venit ad suum dining-hall, - Et coffeam gustavit, - Liquatum gold his fauces burned,-- - Loud he vociferavit: - - 'Triste erat amittere - My solam filiam true, - Pejus to lose my pabulam. - Eheu! Eheu!! Eheu!!!' - - Big lachrymae bedewed his cheeks-- - 'O potens Bacchus lazy, - Prende ab me the power you gave, - Futurum, ut I'll praise thee.' - - Benignus Bacchus audiens groans, - Misertus est our hero; - Dixit ut the Pactolian waves - Ab hoc would cleanse him--vero. - - Infelix rex was felix then, - Et cum hilarious grin, - Ruit unto the river's bank, - Et fortis plunged in. - - The nefas power was washed away; - Sed even at this hour - Pactolus' sands are tinged with gold, - Testes of Bacchus' power. - - A tristis sed a sapiens vir - Rex Midas fuit then; - Et gratus to good Bacchus said, - 'Non feram sic again.' - - Haec fable docet, plain to see, - Quamquam the notion's old, - Hoc verum est, ut girls and grub - Much melior sunt than gold." - -The following well-known lines are from the "Comic Latin Grammar," a -remarkably clever and curious work, full of quaint illustrations: - - "Patres conscripti--took a boat and went to Philippi. - Trumpeter unus erat qui coatum scarlet habebat, - Stormum surgebat, et boatum overset--ebat, - Omnes drownerunt, quia swimaway non potuerunt, - Excipe John Periwig tied up to the tail of a dead pig." - -A TREATISE ON WINE. - - "The best tree, if ye take intent, - Inter ligna fructifera, - Is the vine tree by good argument, - Dulcia ferens pondera. - - Saint Luke saith in his Gospel, - Arbor fructu noscitur, - The vine beareth wine as I you tell, - Hinc aliis praeponitur. - - The first that planted the vineyard - Manet in coelio gaudio, - His name was Noe, as I am learned - Genesis testimonio. - - God gave unto him knowledge and wit, - A quo procedunt omnia, - First of the grape wine for to get - Propter magna mysteria. - - The first miracle that Jesus did, - Erat in vino rubeo, - In Cana of Galilee it betide - Testante Evangelio. - - He changed water into wine - Aquae rubescunt hydriae, - And bade give it to Archetcline, - Ut gustet tunc primarie. - - Like as the rose exceedeth all flowers, - Inter cuncta florigera, - So doth wine all other liquors, - Dans multa salutifera. - - David, the prophet, saith that wine - Laetificat cor hominis, - It maketh men merry if it be fine, - Est ergo digni nominis. - - It nourisheth age if it be good, - Facit ut esset juvenis, - It gendereth in us gentle blood, - Nam venas purgat sanguinis. - - By all these causes, ye should think - Quae sunt rationabiles, - That good wine should be the best of drink, - Inter potus potabiles. - - Wine drinkers all, with great honour, - Semper laudate Dominum, - The which sendeth the good liquor - Propter salutem hominum. - - Plenty to all that love good wine - Donet Deus larguis, - And bring them some when they go hence, - Ubi non sitient amplius." - --_Richard Hilles_ (1535). - -The two which follow are identical in theme, and show that the wags and -wits of about thirty years ago were busy poking their fun at what was then -their latest sensation, much as they do now. They both treat of the -Sea-serpent; the first being from an American source: - -THE SEA-SERPENT. - - "Sed tempus necessit, and this was all over, - Cum illi successit another gay rover, - Nam cum navigaret, in his own cutter - Portentum apparet, which made them all flutter. - - Est horridus anguis which they behold; - Haud dubio sanguis within them ran cold; - Trigenta pedes his head was upraised - Et corporis sedes in secret was placed. - - Sic serpens manebat, so says the same joker, - Et sese ferebat as stiff as a poker; - Tergum fricabat against the old lighthouse; - Et sese liberabat of scaly detritus. - - Tunc plumbo percussit, thinking he hath him, - At serpens exsiluit full thirty fathom; - Exsiluit mare with pain and affright, - Conatus abnare as fast as he might. - - Neque illi secuti--no, nothing so rash, - Terrore sunt multi, he'd make such a splash, - Sed nunc adierunt, the place to inspect, - Et squamus viderunt, the which they collect. - - Quicunque non credat aut doubtfully rails - Ad locum accedat, they'll show him the scales, - Quas, sola trophaea, they brought to the shore,-- - Et causa est ea they couldn't get more." - -THE DEATH OF THE SEA-SERPENT. - -BY PUBLIUS JONATHAN VIRGILIUS JEFFERSON SMITH. - - "Arma virumque cano, qui first in Monongahela - Tarnally squampushed the sarpent, mittens horrentia tella, - Musa, look sharp with your banjo! I guess to relate this event, I - Shall need all the aid you can give; so nunc aspirate canenti. - Mighty slick were the vessels progressing, jactata per aequora ventis, - But the brow of the skipper was sad, cum solicitudine mentis; - For whales had been scarce in those parts, and the skipper, so long as - he'd known her, - Ne'er had gathered less oil in a cruise to gladden the heart of her - owner. - 'Darn the whales,' cried the skipper at length, with a telescope forte - videbo - Aut pisces, aut terras. While speaking, just two or three points on the - lee bow, - He saw coming toward them as fast as though to a combat 'twould tempt - 'em, - A monstrum horrendum informe (qui lumen was shortly ademptum), - On the taffrail up jumps in a hurry, dux fortis, and seizing a trumpet, - Blows a blast that would waken the dead, mare turbat et aera rumpit-- - 'Tumble up, all you lubbers,' he cries, 'tumble up, for careering before - us - Is the real old sea-sarpent himself, cristis maculisque decorus.' - 'Consarn it,' cried one of the sailors, 'if e'er we provoke him he'll - kill us, - He'll certainly chaw up hos morsu, et longis, implexibus illos.' - Loud laughs the bold skipper, and quick premit alto corde dolorem; - (If he does feel like running, he knows it won't do to betray it before - 'em.) - 'O socii,' inquit. 'I'm sartin you're not the fellers to funk, or - Shrink from the durem certamen, whose fathers fit bravely at Bunker; - You, who have waged with the bears, and the buffalo, proelia dura, - Down to the freshets and licks of our own free enlightened Missourer; - You, who could whip your own weight, catulis saevis sine telo, - Get your eyes skinned in a twinkling, et ponite tela phaesello!' - Talia voce refert, curisque ingentibus aeger, - Marshals his cute little band, now panting their foe to beleaguer. - Swiftly they lower the boats, and swiftly each man at the oar is, - Excipe Britanni timidi duo, virque coloris. - (Blackskin, you know, never feels how sweet 'tis pro patri mori; - Ovid had him in view when he said 'Nimium ne crede colori.') - Now swiftly they pull towards the monster, who seeing the cutter and gig - nigh, - Glares at them with terrible eyes, suffectis sanguine et igni, - And, never conceiving their chief will so quickly deal him a floorer, - Opens wide to receive them at once, his linguis vibrantibis ora; - But just as he's licking his lips, and gladly preparing to taste 'em, - Straight into his eyeball the skipper stridentem conjicit hastam. - Straight as he feels in his eyeball the lance, growing mightily sulky, - At 'em he comes in a rage, ora minax, lingua trusulca. - 'Starn all,' cry the sailors at once, for they think he has certainly - caught 'em, - Praesentemque viris intentant omnia mortem. - But the bold skipper exclaims, 'O terque quaterque beati! - Now with a will dare viam, when I want you, be only parati; - This hoss feels like raising his hair, and in spite of his scaly old - cortex, - Full soon you shall see that his corpse rapidus vorat aequore vortex.' - Hoc ait, and choosing a lance, 'With this one I think I shall hit it,' - He cries, and straight into his mouth, ad intima viscera millit, - Screeches the creature in pain, and writhes till the sea is commotum, - As if all its waves had been lashed in a tempest per Eurum et Notum. - Interea terrible shindy Neptunus sensit, et alto - Prospiciens sadly around, wiped his eye with the cuff of his paletot; - And, mad at his favourite's fate, of oaths uttered one or two thousand, - Such as 'Corpo di Bacco! Mehercle! Sacre! Mille Tonnerres! Potztausend!' - But the skipper, who thought it was time to this terrible fight dare - finem, - With a scalping knife jumps on the neck of the snake secat et dextra - crinem, - And, hurling the scalp in the air, half mad with delight to possess it, - Shouts, 'Darn it--I've fixed up his flint, for in ventos vita recessit!'" - --_Punch._ - -ST. GEORGE ET HIS DRAGON. - - "Haec fabulam's one of those stories, - Which the Italians say, 'ought to be true,' - Sed which modern wiseacres have scattered - Among les Illusions Perdus! - - St. George eques errans erat - Qui vibrat a seven-foot sword, - Und er wuerde eher be all up a tree, - Than be caught a-breaking his word. - - Assuetus au matin to ride out - Pour chercher quelquechose for to lick, - Cap a pie en harness--and to see him - Whack a rusticus pauvre was chic. - - Perequitat thousands of peasants, - Et mantled in armour complete-- - Caedat the whole huddle confestim - Et could make them ausgespielt. - - Si ce n'est que, sans doute, they were willing, - To get up and solemnly swear - That the very last Fraulein he'd seen was - La plus belle dans tout la terre. - - Ein Morgen he saw a le trottoir - Puella formosissima tres - Implicans amplexus Draconae, - So she couldn't get out of his way. - - The dragon--donc voila le tableau! - Had eyes sanguine suffectis - Alae comme les lutins in 'Paradise Lost,' - Et was, on the whole, insuavis. - - For Beaute miserable was there ever - Eques who would not do and die? - St. George his hastam projecit - Right into the dragon--his eye! - - Il coupe sa tete mit sein Schwert gut-- - Ses ailes, il coupe mit sein couteau - Il coupe sa queu mit his hache des arms, - Et la demoiselle let go. - - In genua procumbit the ladye, - Et dixit, 'You've saved my life-- - Pour toute ma vie I'm your'n,' said she, - 'I'm your regular little wife.' - - 'M'ami,' says he, 'I does these jobs - In jocum--get up from your knees, - Would you offer outright to requite a knight? - Mon garcon, _he_ takes the fees!'" - --_J. A. M._ - -THE POLKA. - - "Qui nunc dancere vult modo, - Wants to dance in the fashion, oh! - Discere debit ought to know, - Kickere floor cum heel and toe. - One, two, three - Come hop with me-- - Whirligig, twirligig, rapidee. - - Polkam, jungere, Virgo vis? - Will you join in the polka, miss? - Liberius, most willingly, - Sic agemus, then let us try. - Nunc vide, - Skip with me. - Whirlabout, roundabout, celere. - - Tum laeva cito tum dextra, - First to the left, then t'other way; - Aspice retro in vultu, - You look at her, she looks at you. - Das palmam, - Change hands, ma'am, - Celere, run away, just in sham." - --_Gilbert Abbot A'Becket._ - -CLUBBIS NOSTER. - - "Sunt quidam jolly dogs, Saturday qui nocte frequentant, - Antiqui Stephanon, qui stat prope moenia Drury, - Where they called for saccos cum prog distendere bellies, - Indulgere jocis, nec non Baccho atque tobacco; - In mundo tales non fellows ante fuere - Magnanionam heroum celebrabe carmine laudeo, - Posthae illustres ut vivant omne per aevum, - Altior en Stephano locus est, snug, cosy recessus, - Hic quarters fixere suos, conclave tenet hic, - Hic dapibus cumulata, hic mahogany mensa, - Pascuntur varies, roast beef cum pudding of Yorkshire, - Interdum, sometimes epulis quis nomen agrestes - Boiled leg of mutton and trimmings imposuere - Hic double X haurit, Barclay and Perkins ille. - Sic erimus drunki, Deel care! aras dat mendicinum - Nec desuit mixtis que sese polibus implent. - Quus 'offnoff' omnes consuescunt dicere waiters. - Postquam, exempta fames grubbo mappaque remota. - Pro cyathio clarmet, qui goes sermone vocantur. - Vulgari, of whiskey, rum, gin and brandy, sed ut sunt; - Coelicolumqui punch ('erroribus absque') liquore - Gaudent; et panci vino quod proebet Opporto, - Quod certi black-strap dicunt nicknomine Graii, - Haustibus his pipe, communis et adjiciuntur, - Shag, Reditus, Cubae, Silvae, Cheroots et Havanae, - 'Festina viri,' bawls one, 'nunc ludito verbis,' - Alter 'Foemineum sexum' propinquat et 'Hurrah!' - Respondet pot house concessu plausibus omni. - Nunc similes, veteri versantur winky lepores - Omnibus exiguus nec. Jingoteste tumultus, - Exoritur quoniam summa, nituntur opum vi - Rivales [Greek: halloi] top sawyers' [Greek: hemmenai hallon], - Est genus injenui lusus quod nomine Burking. - Notem est, vel Burko, qui claudere cuncta solebat - Ora olim, eloquio, pugili vel forsitan isto - Deaf un, vel Burko pueros qui Burxit ad illud, - Plausibus aut fictis joculatorem excipiendo, - Aut bothering aliquid referentem, constat amicum. - Hoc parvo excutitur multus conamine risus. - Nomina magnorum referebam nunc pauca viorum, - Marcus et Henricus Punchi duo lumina magna - (Whacks his Aristoteleam, Sophoclem, Brown wollopeth ille) - In clubbum adveniunt, Juvenalis et advenit acer - Qui veluti Paddywhack for love conlundit amicos; - Ingentesque animos non parvo in corpore versans - Tullius; et Matutini qui Sidus Heraldi est - Georgius; Albertus Magnus; vesterque poeta. - Praesidet his Nestor qui tempore vixit in annae, - Credetur et vidisse Jophet, non youngster at ullos. - In chaff, audaci certamine, vinceret illum, - Ille jocus mollit dictis, et pectora mulcet, - Ni faciat tumblers, et goes, et pocula pewter, - Quippe Aliorum alii jactarent forsan in aures." - --_Punch._ - -LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. - - "You ask me to tell you the story - Of the terrible atra wood, - Of the Lupi diri, [Greek: mikro pai, - Kai] parvula Red Riding Hood. - - Patruus trux, he gave her - A deux larrons pravi; - Et dear little robins came and - Cut up cum the folii. - - And then he scandit Beanstalk, - And giant caedit tall - Et virgo grandis marri-ed - Et Rem is prodegit all! - - For, semble, une felis was left him-- - (Seulement, calamitas!) - Il emit chat zwei ocreae - Et was Marquis de Carrabas! - - [Greek: Kai een] de lady et Ursus - (You've heard this much, at least), - Et foemina on l'appele Beaute, - And the Beast they called A Beast! - - Obdormivit, et amittit - Ses moutons and couldn't find 'em, - So she never did nothing whatever at all, - Et voila! cum caudis behind 'em! - - Comme des toutes les demoiselles charmantes - Illae the only lass - Who could yank her foot nitide - Dans le pantoufle de glass! - - Et straw she nevit in auribus, - Et finally--child did win - De expiscere Arcanum name - Nami erat Rumplestiltzskin! - - [Greek: Trike oikade mikro pai]: - Ciel! c'est time you should! - Ad lectum to dream of the story - Of little Red Riding Hood!" - --_J. A. M._ - -"ICH BIN DEIN." - - "In tempus old a hero lived, - Qui loved puellas deux; - He ne pouvait pas quite to say - Which one amabat mieux. - - Dit-il lui-meme, un beau matin, - 'Non possum both avoir, - Sed si address Amanda Ann, - Then Kate and I have war. - - 'Amanda habet argent coin, - Sed Kate has aureas curls: - Et both sunt very [Greek: agatha], - Et quite formosa girls. - - Enfin, the youthful anthropos, - [Greek: Philoun] the duo maids, - Resolved proponere ad Kate - Devant cet evening's shades. - - Procedens then to Kate's domo, - Il trouve Amanda there; - [Greek: Kai] quite forgot his good resolves, - Both sunt so goodly fair. - - Sed, smiling on the new tapis, - Between puellas twain, - Coepit to tell his flame to Kate - Dans un poetique strain. - - Mais, glancing ever and anon - At fair Amanda's eyes, - Illae non possunt dicere, - Pro which he meant his sighs. - - Each virgo heard the demi vow - With cheeks as rouge as wine, - And offering each a milk-white hand, - Both whispered, 'Ich bin dein!'" - -CONTENTI ABEAMUS. - - "Come, jocund friends, a bottle bring, - And push around the jorum; - We'll talk and laugh, and quaff and sing, - Nunc suavium amorum. - - While we are in a merry mood, - Come, sit down ad bibendum; - And if dull care should dare intrude, - We'll to the devil send him. - - A moping elf I can't endure - While I have ready rhino; - And all life's pleasures centre still - In venere ac vino. - - Be merry then, my friends, I pray, - And pass your time in joco, - For it is pleasant, as they say, - Desipere in loco. - - He that loves not a young lass, - Is sure an arrant stultus, - And he that will not take a glass - Deserves to be sepultus. - - Pleasure, music, love and wine, - Res valde sunt jocundae, - And pretty maidens look divine, - Provided ut sunt mundae. - - I hate a snarling, surly fool, - Qui latrat sicut canis, - Who mopes and ever eats by rule, - Drinks water and eats panis. - - Give me the man that's always free, - Qui finit molli more, - The cares of life, whate'er they be, - Whose motto still is 'Spero.' - - Death will turn us soon from hence, - Nigerrimas ad sedes; - And all our lands and all our pence - Ditabunt tunc heredes. - - Why should we then forbear to sport? - Dum vivamus, vivamus, - And when the Fates shall cut us down, - Contenti abeamus." - -DE LEGULEIO. - - "Jurisconsultus juvenis solus, - Sat scanning his tenuem docket-- - Volo, quoth he, some bonus AEolus - Inspiret fees to my pocket. - - He seized in manua sinistra ejus - A tome of Noy, or Fortescue; - Here's a case, said he, terrible tedious-- - Fortuna veni to my rescue! - - Lex scripta's nought but legal diluvium, - Defluxum streams of past ages, - And lawyers sit like ducks in a pluvium, - Under Law's reigning adages. - - Lex non scripta's good for consciences tender, - Persequi the light internal; - Sed homines saepius homage render - Ad lucem that burns infernal. - - Effodi the said diluvium over, - As do all legal beginners, - Et crede vivere hence in clover, - That's sown by quarrelsome sinners. - - Some think the law esse hum scarabeum, - And lawyers a useless evil, - And Statute claim of tuum and meum - Is but a device of the devil; - - Sed pravi homines sunt so thick that, - Without restrictio legis, - Esset crime plusquam one could shake stick at, - By order diaboli regis. - - Et good men, rari gurgite vasto, - Are digni the law's assistance, - Defendere se, et aid them so as to - Keep nefas et vim at a distance. - - The lawyer's his client's rights' defender, - And bound laborare astute, - Videre that quaequae res agenda - Dignitate et virtute. - - Sed ecce! a case exactly ad punctum-- - Id scribam, ante forget it, - Negotium illud nunc perfunctum, - Feliciter, I have met it. - - He thrust out dextrae digitos manus, - His pennam ad ink ille dedit; - Et scripsit,--but any homo sanus - Would be nonsuit ere he could read it." - --_A. B. Ely._ - -CHANSON WITHOUT MUSIC. - -BY THE PROFESSOR EMERITUS OF DEAD AND LIVING LANGUAGES. - - "You bid me sing--can I forget - The classic odes of days gone by-- - How belle Fifine and jeune Lisette - Exclaimed, 'Anacreon [Greek: geron ei]?' - 'Regardez donc,' those ladies said-- - 'You're getting bald and wrinkled too: - When Summer's roses are all shed, - Love's nullum ite, voyez vous!' - - In vain ce brave Anacreon's cry, - 'Of love alone my banjo sings' - ([Greek: Erota mounon]). 'Etiam si,-- - Eh bien?' replied those saucy things-- - 'Go find a maid whose hair is grey, - And strike your lyre--we shan't complain; - But parce nobis, s'il vous plait,-- - Voila Adolphe! Voila Eugene!' - - Ah, jeune Lisette! ah, belle Fifine! - Anacreon's lesson all must learn: - [Greek: Ho kairos Oxus]; Spring is green, - But acer Hiems waits his turn! - I hear you whispering from the dust, - 'Tiens, mon cher, c'est toujours so,-- - The brightest blade grows dim with rust, - The fairest meadow white with snow!' - - You do not mean it? Not encore? - Another string of play-day rhymes? - You've heard me--nonne est?--before, - Multoties,--more than twenty times; - Non possum--vraiment--pas du tout, - I cannot, I am loath to shirk; - But who will listen if I do, - My memory makes such shocking work? - - [Greek: Gignosko]. Scio. Yes, I'm told - Some ancients like my rusty lay, - As Grandpa Noah loved the old - Red-sandstone march of Jubal's day. - I used to carol like the birds, - But time my wits have quite unfixed, - Et quoad verba--for my words-- - Ciel!--Eheu!--Whe-ew! how they're mixed! - - Mehercle! [Greek: Zeu]. Diable! how - My thoughts were dressed when I was young. - But tempus fugit--see them now - Half clad in rags of every tongue! - [Greek: O Philoi], fratres, chers amis! - I dare not court the youthful muse, - For fear her sharp response should be-- - 'Papa Anacreon, please excuse!' - - Adieu! I've trod my annual track - How long!--let others count the miles-- - And peddled out my rhyming pack - To friends who always paid in smiles; - So laissez moi! some youthful wit - No doubt has wares he wants to show, - And I am asking 'let me sit' - Dum ille clamat "[Greek: Dos pou sto]." - --_Dr. Holmes, Atlantic Monthly, Nov. 1867._ - -During the late American Civil War, Slidell and Mason, two of the -Confederate Commissioners, were taken by an admiral of the U.S. navy from -a British ship, and this came near causing an issue between the two -countries. Seward was the American premier at the time. This is that -affair done up in a macaronic: - -SLIDELL AND MASON. - - "Slidell, qui est Rerum cantor - Publicarum, atque Lincoln. - Vir excelsior, mitigantur-- - A delightful thing to think on! - - Blatant plebs Americanum, - Quite impossible to bridle, - Nihil refert, navis cana - Bring back Mason atque Slidell. - - Scribat nunc amoene Russell; - Laetus lapis claudit fiscum, - Nunc finiter all this bustle-- - Slidell--Mason--Pax vobiscum!" - -A VALENTINE. - - "Geist und sinn mich beutzen ueber - Vous zu dire das ich sie liebe? - Das herz que vous so lightly spurn - To you und sie allein will turn - Unbarmherzig--pourquoir scorn - Mon coeur with love and anguish torn; - Croyez vous das my despair - Votre bonheur can swell or faire? - Schoenheit kann nicht cruel sein - Mefris ist kein macht divine, - Then, oh then, it can't be thine. - Glaube das mine love is true, - Changeless, deep wie Himmel's blue-- - Que l'amour that now I swear, - Zue dir ewigkeit I'll bear - Glaube das de gentle rays, - Born and nourished in thy gaze, - Sur mon coeur will ever dwell - Comme a l'instant when they fell-- - Mechante! that you know full well." - -VERY FELIS-ITOUS. - - "Felis sedit by a hole, - Intente she, cum omni soul, - Predere rats. - Mice cucurrerunt trans the floor, - In numero duo tres or more, - Obliti cats. - - Felis saw them oculis, - 'I'll have them,' inquit she, 'I guess, - Dum ludunt.' - Tunc illa crepit toward the group, - 'Habeam,' dixit, 'good rat soup-- - Pingues sunt.' - - Mice continued all ludere, - Intenti they in ludum vere, - Gaudeuter. - Tunc rushed the felis into them, - Et tore them omnes limb from limb, - Violenter. - - MORAL. - - Mures omnes, nunc be shy, - Et aurem praebe mihi-- - Benigne: - Sic hoc satis--"verbum sat," - Avoid a whopping Thomas cat - Studiose." - --_Green Kendrick._ - -CE MEME VIEUX COON. - - "Ce meme vieux coon n'est pas quite mort, - Il n'est pas seulement napping: - Je pense, myself, unless j'ai tort - Cette chose est yet to happen. - - En dix huit forty-four, je sais, - Vous'll hear des curious noises; - He'll whet ces dents against some Clay, - Et scare des Loco--Bois-es! - - You know que quand il est awake, - Et quand il scratch ces clawses, - Les Locos dans leurs souliers shake, - Et, sheepish, hang leurs jaws-es. - - Ce meme vieux coon, je ne sais pas why, - Le mischief's come across him, - Il fait believe he's going to die, - Quand seulement playing possum. - - Mais wait till nous le want encore, - Nous'll stir him with une pole; - He'll bite as mauvais as before - Nous pulled him de son hole!" - --_Relic of Henry Clay Campaign of 1844._ - -MALUM OPUS. - - "Prope ripam fluvii solus - A senex silently sat; - Super capitem ecce his wig, - Et wig super, ecce his hat. - - Blew Zephyrus alte, acerbus, - Dum elderly gentleman sat; - Et a capite took up quite torve - Et in rivum projecit his hat. - - Tunc soft maledixit the old man, - Tunc stooped from the bank where he sat, - Et cum scipio poked in the water, - Conatus servare his hat. - - Blew Zephyrus alte, acerbus, - The moment it saw him at that; - Et whisked his novum scratch wig - In flumen, along with his hat. - - Ab imo pectore damnavit - In coeruleus eye dolor sat; - Tunc despairingly threw in his cane - Nare cum his wig and his hat. - - L'ENVOI. - - Contra bonos mores, don't swear, - It est wicked, you know (verbum sat), - Si this tale habet no other moral, - Mehercle! you're gratus to that!" - --_J. A. M._ - -CARMEN AD TERRY. - -(WRITTEN WHILE GENERAL TERRY, U.S.A., WITH HIS BLACK SOLDIERS, WAS IN -COMMAND AT RICHMOND, VIRGINIA, AFTER ITS EVACUATION BY THE CONFEDERATE -TROOPS.) - - "Terry, leave us, sumus weary: - Jam nos taedet te videre, - Si vis nos with joy implere, - Terry in hac terra tarry, - Diem nary. - - For thy domum long'st thou nonne? - Habes wife et filios bonny? - Socios Afros magis ton-y? - Haste thee, Terry, mili-terry, - Pedem ferre. - - Forte Thaddeus may desire thee, - Sumner, et id. om., admire thee, - Nuisance nobis, not to ire thee, - We can spare thee, magne Terry, - Freely, very. - - Hear the Prex's proclamation, - Nos fideles to the nation, - Gone est nunc thy place and station - Terry-sier momen-terry - Sine query. - - Yes, thy doom est scriptum--'Mene,' - Longer ne nos naso tene, - Thou hast dogged us, diu bene, - Loose us, terrible bull terry-er, - We'll be merrier. - - But the dulces Afros, vale, - Pompey, Scipio et Sally, - Seek some back New Haven alley, - Terry, quit this territory - Con amore. - - Sed verbum titi, abituro, - Pay thy rent-bills, et conjuro, - Tecum take thy precious bureau - Terry, Turner, blue-coat hom'nes - Abhinc omnes!" - --_Horace Milton._ - -LYDIA GREEN. - - "In Republican Jersey, - There nunquam was seen - Puella pulchrior, - Ac Lydia Green; - Fascinans quam bellis - Vel lilium, et id., - Et Jacobus Brown - Was 'ladles'[7] on Lyd. - - Ad Jacobum Brown - Semel Lydia, loquitur: - 'Si fidem violaris, - I'd lay down and die, sir.' - 'Si my Lydia dear - I should ever forget'-- - Tum respondit: 'I hope - To be roasted and ate.' - - Sed, though Jacob had sworn - Pro aris et focis, - He went off and left Lydia - Deserta, lachrymosis. - In lachrymis solvis - She sobbed and she sighed; - And at last, corde fracta, - Turned over and died. - - Tunc Jacobus Brown, - Se expedire pains - That gnawed his chords cordis, - Went out on the plains, - And quum he got there. - [Greek: Oi Barbaroi] met him, - Accenderunt ignem - Et roasted et ate him." - --_J. A. M._ - -AM RHEIN. - - "Oh the Rhine, the Rhine, the Rhine-- - Comme c'est beau! wie schoen, che bello! - He who quaffs thy Lust and Wein, - Morbleu! is a lucky fellow. - - How I love thy rushing streams, - Groves and ash and birch and hazel, - From Schaffhausen's rainbow beams - Jusqu'a l'echo d'Oberwesel! - - Oh, que j'aime thy Bruechen, when - The crammed Dampfschiff gaily passes! - Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, - And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses! - - Oh! que j'aime the 'oui,' the 'bah!' - From the motley crowd that flow, - With the universal 'ja,' - And the Allgemeine 'so!'" - -"SERVE-UM-RIGHT." - - "'Eh! dancez-vous?' dixit Mein Herr. - 'Oui, oui!' the charming maid replied: - Vidit ille at once the snare, - Looked downas quick, et etiam sighed. - - Das Maedchen knew each bona art - Stat ludicrans superba sweet; - Simplex homo perdit his heart - Declares eros ad ejus feet. - - 'Mein Liebchen,' here exclaims de Herr, - 'Lux of mein life, ein rayum shed, - Dein oscula let amor share, - Si non, alas! meum be dead.' - - Ludit das girlus gaily then, - Cum scorna much upon her lip: - Quid stultuses sunt all you men, - Funus to give you omnes slip. - - Mein Herr uprose cum dignas now, - Et melius et wiser man, - Der nubis paina on his brow, - To his dark domus cito ran. - - Nunc omnes you qui eager hear - Meas tell of cette falsa maid, - Of fascinatus girl beware - Lest votre folly sic be paid." - -TO A FRIEND AT PARTING. - - "I often wished I had a friend, - Dem ich mich anvertraun Koennt, - A friend in whom I could confide, - Der mit mir theilte Freud und Leid; - Had I the riches of Girard-- - Ich theilte mit ihm Haus und Heerd: - For what is gold? 'Tis but a passing metal, - Der Henker hol' fuer mich den ganzen Bettel. - Could I purchase the world to live in it alone, - Ich gaeb', daefur nich eine noble Bohn'; - I thought one time in you I'd find that friend, - Und glaubte schon mein Sehnen haet ein End; - Alas! your friendship lasted but in sight, - Doch meine grenzet an die Ewigkeit." - -AD PROFESSOREM LINGUAE GERMANICAE. - - "Oh why now sprechen Sie Deutsch? - What pleasure say can Sie haben? - You cannot imagine how much - You bother unfortunate Knaben. - - Liebster Freund! give bessere work, - Nicht so hard, ein kurtzerer lesson, - Oh then we will nicht try to shirk - Und unser will geben Sie blessin'. - - Oh, ask us nicht now to decline - 'Meines Bruders groessere Haeuser;' - 'Die Fasser' of 'alt rother Wein' - Can give us no possible joy, sir. - - Der Mueller may tragen ein Rock - Eat schwartz Brod und dem Kaese, - Die Gans may be haengen on hoch, - But what can it matter to me, sir? - - Return zu Ihr own native tongue, - Leave Dutch und Sauer Kraut to the Dutchmen; - And seek not to teach to the young - The Sprache belonging to such men. - - Und now 'tis my solemn belief - That if you nicht grant this petition, - Sie must schreiben mein Vater ein Brief, - To say that ich hab' ein Condition.'" - --_Yale Courant._ - -POME OF A POSSUM. - - "The nox was lit by lux of Luna, - And 'twas nox most opportuna - To catch a possum or a coona; - For nix was scattered o'er this mundus, - A shallow nix, et non profundus. - On sic a nox with canis unus, - Two boys went out to hunt for coonus. - Unis canis, duo puer, - Nunquam braver, nunquam truer, - Quam hoc trio unquam fuit, - If there was I never knew it. - The corpus of this bonus canis, - Was full as long as octo span is, - But brevior legs had canis never - Quam had hic dog; et bonus clever - Some used to say, in stultum jocum, - Quod a field was too small locum - For sic a dog to make a turnus - Circum self from stem to sternus. - This bonus dog had one bad habit, - Amabat much to tree a rabbit-- - Amabat plus to chase a rattus, - Amabat bene tree a cattus. - But on this nixy moonlight night, - This old canis did just right. - Nunquam treed a starving rattus, - Nunquam chased a starving cattus, - But cucurrit on, intentus - On the track and on the scentus, - Till he treed a possum strongum, - In a hollow trunkum longum; - Loud he barked, in horrid bellum, - Seemed on terra venit pellum; - Quickly ran the duo puer, - Mors of possum to secure; - Quum venerit, one began - To chop away like quisque man; - Soon the axe went through the truncum, - Soon he hit it all kerchunkum; - Combat deepens; on ye braves! - Canis, pueri et staves; - As his powers non longuis tarry, - Possum potest non pugnare, - On the nix his corpus lieth, - Down to Hades spirit flieth, - Joyful pueri, canis bonus, - Think him dead as any stonus. - Now they seek their pater's domo, - Feeling proud as any homo, - Knowing, certe, they will blossom - Into heroes, when with possum - They arrive, narrabunt story, - Plenus blood et plenior glory. - Pompey, David, Samson, Caesar, - Cyrus, Blackhawk, Shalmaneser! - Tell me where est now the gloria, - Where the honours of Victoria? - Quum ad domum narrent story, - Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory. - Pater praiseth, likewise mater, - Wonders greatly younger frater. - Possum leave they on the mundus, - Go themselves to sleep profundus, - Somniunt possums slain in battle, - Strong as ursae, large as cattle. - - When nox gives way to lux of morning-- - Albam terram much adorning,-- - Up they jump to see the varmen, - Of the which this is the carmen. - Lo! possum est resurrectum! - Ecce pueri dejectum. - Ne relinquit track behind him, - Et the pueri never find him. - Cruel possum! bestia vilest, - How the pueros thou beguilest; - Pueri think non plus of Caesar, - Go ad Orcum, Shalmaneser, - Take your laurels, cum the honour, - Since ista possum is a goner!" - -The following "Society Verses" of Mortimer Collins are given here by way -of introducing an imitation of them in macaronic verse: - -AD CHLOEN, M.A. - -(FRESH FROM HER CAMBRIDGE EXAMINATION.) - - "Lady, very fair are you, - And your eyes are very blue, - And your nose; - And your brow is like the snow; - And the various things you know - Goodness knows. - And the rose-flush on your cheek, - And your Algebra and Greek - Perfect are; - And that loving lustrous eye - Recognises in the sky - Every star. - You have pouting, piquant lips, - You can doubtless an eclipse - Calculate; - But for your cerulean hue, - I had certainly from you - Met my fate. - If by an arrangement dual - I were Adams mixed with Whewell, - The same day - I, as wooer, perhaps may come - To so sweet an Artium - Magistra." - -TO THE FAIR "COME-OUTER." - - "Lady! formosissima tu! - Caeruleis oculis have you, - Ditto nose! - Et vous n'avez pas une faute-- - And that you are going to vote, - Goodness knows! - - And the roseus on your cheek, - And your Algebra and Greek, - Are parfait! - And your jactus oculi - Knows each star that shines in the - Milky Way! - - You have pouting, piquant lips, - Sans doute vous pouvez an eclipse - Calculate! - Ne caerulum colorantur, - I should have in you, instanter, - Met my fate! - - Si, by some arrangement dual, - I at once were Kant and Whewell; - It would pay-- - Procus noti then to come - To so sweet an Artium - Magistra! - - Or, Jewel of Consistency, - Si possem clear-starch, cookere, - Votre learning - Might the leges proscribere-- - Do the pro patria mori, - I, the churning!" - -Here are a few juvenile specimens, the first being a little-known old -nursery ballad: - -THE FOUR BROTHERS. - - "I had four brothers over the sea, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine: - And each one sent a present to me; - Partum quartum, peredecentum, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine. - - The first sent a cherry without any stone; - Perrimerri dictum, Domine: - The second a chicken without any bone, - Partum quartum, peredecentum, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine. - - The third sent a blanket without any thread; - Perrimerri dictum, Domine: - The fourth sent a book that no man could read; - Partum quartum, peredecentum, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine. - - When the cherry's in the blossom, it has no stone; - Perrimerri dictum, Domine: - When the chicken's in the egg, it has no bone; - Partum quartum, peredecentum, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine. - - When the blanket's in the fleece, it has no thread; - Perrimerri dictum, Domine: - When the book's in the press, no man can it read; - Partum quartum, peredecentum, - Perrimerri dictum, Domine." - -LITTLE BO-PEEP. - - "Parvula Bo-peep - Amisit her sheep, - Et nescit where to find 'em; - Desere alone, - Et venient home, - Cum omnibus caudis behind 'em." - -JACK AND JILL. - - "Jack cum amico Jill, - Ascendit super montem; - Johannes cecedit down the hill, - Ex forte fregit frontem." - -THE TEETOTUM. - - "Fresh from his books, an arch but studious boy, - Twirl'd with resilient glee his mobile toy; - And while on single pivot foot it set, - Whisk'd round the board in whirring pirouette, - Shriek'd, as its figures flew too fast to note 'em, - _Te totum amo, amo te, Teetotum_." - -Schoolboys and college youths not unfrequently adorn their books with some -such macaronic as this: - - "Si quisquis furetur, - This little libellum, - Per Bacchum, per Jovem, - I'll kill him, I'll fell him; - In venturum illius - I'll stick my scalpellum, - And teach him to steal - My little libellum." - -Inscriptions and epitaphs are often the vehicles of quaint and curious -diction, and of these we give some instances: - -THE SIGN OF THE "GENTLE SHEPHERD OF SALISBURY PLAIN." - -(_On the road from Cape Town to Simon's Bay, Cape of Good Hope._) - - "Multum in parvo, pro bono publico; - Entertainment for man or beast all of a row. - Lekker host as much as you please; - Excellent beds without any fleas; - Nos patrum fugimus--now we are here, - Vivamus, let us live by selling beer - On donne a boire et a manger ici; - Come in and try it, whoever you be." - -IN THE VISITORS' BOOK AT NIAGARA FALLS. - - "Tres fratres stolidii, - Took a boat at Niagri; - Stormus arose et windus erat, - Magnum frothum surgebat, - Et boatum overturnebat, - Et omnes drowndiderunt - Quia swimmere non potuerunt!" - -IN THE VISITORS' BOOK OF MOUNT KEARSARGE HOUSE. - -(_Summit of Mount Kearsarge, North Conway, N.H._) - - "Sic itur ad astra, together; - But much as we aspire, - No purse of gold, this summer weather, - Could hire us to go higher!" - -The following epitaph is to be found in Northallerton Churchyard: - - "Hic jacet Walter Gun, - Sometime landlord of the _Sun_, - Sic transit gloria mundi! - He drank hard upon Friday, - That being an high day, - Took his bed and died upon Sunday!" - -There are no macaronic authors nowadays, though poems of this class are -still to be had in colleges and universities; but everything pertaining to -college life is ephemeral, coming in with Freshman and going out with -Senior. College students are the prolific fathers of a kind of punning -Latin composition, such as: - - "O _unum_ sculls. You _damnum_ sculls. _Sic transit_ drove a _tu pone - tandem temo ver_ from the north." - - "He is visiting his _ante_, Mrs. _Dido Etdux_, and intends stopping - here till _ortum_." - - "He _et super_ with us last evening, and is a terrible fellow. He - _lambda_ man almost to death the other evening, but he got his - match--the other man _cutis nos_ off for him and _noctem_ flat _urna_ - flounder." - - "Doctores! Ducum nex mundi nitu Panes; tritucum at ait. Expecto meta - fumen, and eta beta pi. Super attente one--Dux, hamor clam pati; sum - parates, homine, ices, jam, etc. Sideror hoc." - -In a similar dialect to this, Dean Swift and Dr. Sheridan used to -correspond. In this way: - - "Is his honor sic? Prae letus felis pulse." - -The Dean once wrote to the Doctor: - - "Mollis abuti, No lasso finis, - Has an acuti, Molli divinis." - -To which the Doctor responded: - - "I ritu a verse o na Molli o mi ne, - Asta lassa me pole, a laedis o fine; - I ne ver neu a niso ne at in mi ni is, - A manat a glans ora sito fer diis. - - De armo lis abuti, hos face an hos nos is - As fer a sal illi, as reddas aro sis, - Ac is o mi Molli is almi de lite, - Illo verbi de, an illo verbi nite." - -At this the Dean settles the whole affair by-- - - "Apud in is almi de si re, - Mimis tres I ne ver re qui re; - Alo' ver I findit a gestis, - His miseri ne ver at restis." - -Sydney Smith proposed as a motto for a well-known fish-sauce purveyor the -following line from Virgil (_AEn._ iv. I): - - "_Gravi jam_dudum _saucia_ cura." - -When two students named Payne and Culpepper were expelled from college, a -classmate wrote: - - "_Poen_ia perire potest; _Culpa per_ennis est." - -And Dr. Johnson wrote the following epitaph on his cat: - - "_Mi-cat_ inter omnes." - - A gentleman at dinner helped his friend to a potato, saying--"I think - that is a good mealy one." "Thank you," was the reply, "it could not - be _melior_." - - Another gentleman while driving one day was asked by a lady if some - fowls they passed were ducks or geese. One of the latter at the moment - lifting up its voice, the gentleman said, "That's your _anser_!" - - "Well, Tom, are you sick again?" asked a student of his friend, and - was answered in English and in Latin, "_Sic sum_." - -Victor Hugo was once asked if he could write English poetry. -"Certainement," was the reply, and he sat down and wrote this verse: - - "Pour chasser le spleen - J'entrai dans un inn; - O, mais je bus le gin, - God save the queen!" - -In the "Innocents Abroad" of Mark Twain he gives a letter written by his -friend Mr. Blucher to a Parisian hotel-keeper, which was as follows: - - "'MONSIEUR LE LANDLORD: Sir--_Pourquoi_ don't you _mettez_ some - _savon_ in your bed-chambers? _Est-ce-que-vous pensez_ I will steal - it? _Le nuit passee_ you charged me _pour deux chandelles_ when I only - had one; _hier vous avez_ charged me _avec glace_ when I had none at - all; _tout les jours_ you are coming some fresh game or other upon me, - _mais vous ne pouvez pas_ play this _savon_ dodge on me twice. _Savon_ - is a necessary _de la vie_ to anybody but a Frenchman, _et je l'aurai - hors de cette hotel_ or make trouble. You hear me.--_Allons._ - - BLUCHER.'" - -"I remonstrated," says Mr. Twain, "against the sending of this note, -because it was so mixed up that the landlord would never be able to make -head or tail of it; but Blucher said he guessed the old man could read the -French of it, and average the rest." - -Productions like the preceding, and like that with which we conclude are -continually finding their way into print, and are always readable, -curious, and fresh for an idle hour. - - POCAHONTAS AND CAPTAIN SMITH. - - (JAMESTOWN, A.D. 1607.) - - "Johannes Smithus, walking up a streetus, met two ingentes Ingins et - parvulus Ingin. Ingins non capti sunt ab Johanne, sed Johannes captus - est ab ingentibus Inginibus. Parvulus Ingin run off hollerin, et - terrifficatus est most to death. Big Ingin removit Johannem ad - tentem, ad campum, ad marshy placem, papoosem, pipe of peacem, - bogibus, squawque. Quum Johannes examinatus est ab Inginibus, they - condemnati sunt eum to be cracked on capitem ab clubbibus. Et a big - Ingin was going to strikaturus esse Smithum with a clubbe, quum - Pocahontas came trembling down, et hollerin, 'Don't ye duit, don't ye - duit!' Sic Johannes non periit, sed grew fat on corn bread et hominy." - - - - -_LINGUISTIC VERSE._ - - -One of the most curious efforts in the way of teaching a language was that -attempted by a work published originally in Paris, in 1862, entitled "O -Novo Guia em Portuguez e Inglez. Par Jose de Fonseca e Pedro Carolina," or -the New Guide to Conversation in Portuguese and English. Mr. G. C. Leland -writes us that Fonseca "manufactured" this work by procuring a book of -French dialogues, which he put word by word into English--(by the aid of -a dictionary)--"of which he knew not a word, and what is strangest, did -not learn a word, even while writing his _Guide_. That he really humbugged -his bookseller appears from this that he induced the poor victim to -publish a large English dictionary!" This book has been reprinted, as a -literary curiosity, and may be had at Quaritch's, 15 Piccadilly, London, -under the title of "A New Guide to the English," by Pedro Carolina; -Fonseca having taken his name out, and dating the book from -"Pekin,"--this being a mere joke. However, the original was a serious -work, and by way of introduction to a poem in the Fonseca English, kindly -given us by Professor E. H. Palmer, we give a few particulars of and -extracts from the work itself, and here is the Preface: - - "A choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms and despoiled - phrases, it was missing yet to studious portuguese and brazilian - Youth; and also to persons of other nations that wish to know the - portuguese language. We sought all we may do, to correct that want, - composing and divising the present little work in two parts. The first - includes a greatest vocabulary proper names by alphabetical order; and - the second forty-three Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of - the life. For that reason we did put, with a scrupulous exactness, a - great variety own expressions to english and portugues idioms; without - to attach us selves (as make some others) almost at a literal - translation; translation what only will be for to accustom the - portuguese pupils, or foreign, to speak very bad any of the mentioned - idioms. We were increasing this second edition with a phraseology, in - the first part, and some familiar letters, anecdotes, idiotisms, - proverbs, and to second a coin's index. - - "The _Works_ which we were confering for this labour, find use us for - nothing; but those what were publishing to Portugal, or out. They were - almost all composed for some foreign, or for some national little - acquainted in the spirit of both languages. It was resulting from that - corelessness to rest these _Works_ fill of imperfections and anomalies - of style; in spite of the infinite typographical faults which - sometimes invert the sense of the periods. It increase not to contain - any of those _Works_ the figured pronunciation of the english words, - nor the prosodical accent in the portugese: indispensable object whom - wish to speak the english and portuguese languages correctly. - - "We expect then who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, - and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptance - of the studious persons, and especially of the Youth, at which we - dedicate him particularly." - -The "greatest vocabulary proper names" is in three columns--the first -giving the Portuguese, the second the English words, and the third the -English pronunciation: - - Do Mundo. Of the world. Ove thi Ueurlde. - Os astros. The stars. Thi esters. - Moca. Young girl. Yeun-gue guerle. - O relampago. The flash of lightning. Thi flax ove lait eningue. - -The vocabulary fills about fifty pages, and is followed by a series of -"familiar phrases," of which a few are here given: - - "Do which is that book? Do is so kind to tell me it. Let us go on ours - feet. Having take my leave, i was going. This trees make a beauty - shade. This wood is full of thief's. These apricots make me & to come - water in mouth. I have not stricken the clock. The storm is go over, - the sun begin to dissape it. I am stronger which him. That place is - too much gracious. That are the dishes whose you must be and to - abstain." - -Then come the dialogues, and one we give is supposed to take place at a -morning call, which commences first with the visitor and the servant: - - "'Is your master at home?'--'Yes, sir.' 'Is it up?'--'No, sir, he - sleep yet. I go make that he get up.' 'It come in one's? How is it you - are in bed yet?'--'Yesterday at evening I was to bed so late that i - may not rising me soon that morning.'" - -This is followed by a description of the dissipation which led to these -late hours--"singing, dancing, laughing, and playing"-- - - "'What game?'--'To the picket.' 'Who have prevailed upon?'--'I have - gained ten lewis.' 'Till at what o'clock its had play one?'--'Untill - two o'clock after midnight.'" - -But these conversations or dialogues, however amusing, are as nothing when -compared with the anecdotes which are given by Fonseca, of which we -transcribe a few: - - "John II., Portugal King, had taken his party immediately. He had in - her court castillians ambassadors coming for treat of the pease. As - they had keeped in leng the negotiation he did them two papers in one - from which he had wrote _peace_ and on the other _war_--telling them - 'Choice you!'" - - "Philip, King's Macedonia, being fall, and seeing the extension of her - body drawed upon the dust was cry--'Greats Gods! that we may have - little part in this Univers!'" - - "One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw - better than him. The party was accepted. 'I had gain over,' said the - one eyed; 'why i see you two eyes, and you not look me who one!'" - - "The most vertious of the pagans, Socrates, was accused from impiety, - and immolated to the fury of the envy and the fanaticism. When relates - one's him self that he has been condemned to death for the - Athenians--'And then told him, they are it for the nature,--But it is - an unjustly,' cried her woman 'would thy replied-him that might be - justify?'" - - "Caesar seeing one day to Roma, some strangers, very riches, which bore - between her arms little dogs and little monkeies and who was - carressign them too tenderly was ask, with so many great deal reason, - whether the women of her country don't had some children?" - - "Two friends who from long they not were seen meet one's selves for - hazard. 'How do is there?' told one of the two. 'No very well, told - the other, and i am married from that I saw thee.' 'Good news.' 'Not - quit, because I had married with a bad woman.' 'So much worse.' 'Not - so much great deal worse; because her dower was from two thousand - lewis.' 'Well, that confort.' 'Not absolutely, why i had emplored this - sum for to buy some muttons which are all deads of the rot.' 'That is - indeed very sorry.' 'Not so sorry, because the selling of hers hide - have bring me above the price of the muttons.' 'So you are - indemnified.' 'Not quit, because my house where i was disposed my - money, finish to be consumed by the flames.' 'Oh, here is a great - misfortune!' 'Not so great nor i either, because my wife and my house - are burned together!'" - -The concluding portion of this Guide is devoted to "Idiotisms and -Proverbs," of some of which it is rather difficult to recognise the -original, as "To take time by the forelock," is rendered "It want to take -the occasion for the hairs!" Here are a few others: - - "The walls have hearsay." - - "Four eyes does see better than two." - - "There is not any ruler without a exception." - - "The mountain in work put out a mouse." - - "He is like the fish into the water." - - "To buy a cat in a pocket." - - "To come back at their muttons." - - "He is not so devil as he is black." - - "Keep the chestnut of the fire with the hand of the cat." - - "What come in to me for an ear yet out for another." - - "Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat." - - "These roses do button at the eyesight." - -Enough perhaps has been given about this amusing Guide, and we here -introduce Professor E. H. Palmer's verses: - -THE PARTERRE. - -A POETRY AS THE FONSECA. - - "I don't know any greatest treat - As sit him in a gay parterre, - And sniff one up the perfume sweet - Of every roses buttoning there. - - It only want my charming miss - Who make to blush the self red rose; - Oh! I have envy of to kiss - The end's tip of her splendid nose. - - Oh! I have envy of to be - What grass neath her pantoffle push, - And too much happy seemeth me - The margaret which her vestige crush. - - But I will meet her nose at nose, - And take occasion for the hairs, - And indicate her all my woes, - That she in fine agree my prayers. - - THE ENVOY. - - I don't know any greatest treat - As sit him in a gay parterre, - With Madame who is too more sweet - Than every roses buttoning there." - -Pidgin English is the name given to the dialect extensively used in the -seaport towns of China as a means of communication between the natives and -English and Americans, and is a very rude jargon in which English words -are very strangely distorted. It is very limited, the Chinese learning -Pidgin with only the acquirement of a few hundred words, the pronunciation -and grammar of which have been modified to suit those of their own -language. The word Pidgin itself is derived through a series of changes in -the word _Business_. Early traders made constant use of this word, and the -Chinaman contracted it first to _Busin_, and then through the change to -_Pishin_ it at length assumed the form of _Pidgin_, still retaining its -original meaning. This at once shows the difficulty which a Chinaman has -in mastering the pronunciation of English words, and as business or -commerce is the great bond of union between the Chinese and the foreign -residents, it is not to be wondered at that this word should give name to -the jargon formed in its service. The Chinese have great difficulty in -using the letter _r_, pronouncing it almost always like _l_, as _loom_ for -_room_, _cly_ for _cry_; and for the sake of euphony often add _ee_ or -_lo_ to the end of words. _Galaw_ or _galow_ is a word of no meaning, -being used as a kind of interjection; _chop, chop_, means quick, quick; -_maskee_, don't mind; _chop b'long_, of a kind; _topside galow_, -excelsior, or "hurrah for topside"; _chin chin_, good-bye; _welly culio_, -very curious; _Joss-pidgin-man_, priest. With these few hints the reader -may understand better the following version of "Excelsior," which -originally appeared in _Harpers' Magazine_ in 1869,--the moral, however, -belongs solely to the Chinese translator: - -TOPSIDE-GALOW. - - "That nightee teem he come chop chop - One young man walkee, no can stop; - Colo maskee, icee maskee; - He got flag; chop b'long we_ll_y cu_l_io, see-- - Topside-galow! - - He too muchee so_ll_y; one piecee eye - Looksee sharp--so fashion--alla same my: - He talkee largee, talkee st_l_ong, - Too muchee cu_l_io; alla same gong-- - Topside-galow! - - Inside any housee he can see light, - Any piecee _l_oom got fire all _l_ight; - He looksee plenty ice more high, - Inside he mouf he plenty c_l_y-- - Topside-galow! - - 'No can walkee!' olo man speakee he; - 'Bimeby _l_ain come, no can see; - Hab got water we_ll_y wide!' - Maskee, my must go topside-- - Topside-galow! - - 'Man-man,' one galo talkee he; - 'What for you go topside look-see?' - 'Nother teem,' he makee plenty c_l_y, - Maskee, alla teem walkee plenty high-- - Topside-galow! - - 'Take care that spilum t_l_ee, young man, - Take care that icee!' he no man-man, - That coolie chin-chin he 'Good-night;' - He talkee, 'My can go all _l_ight'-- - Topside-galow! - - Joss-pidgin-man chop chop begin, - Morning teem that Joss chin-chin, - No see any man, he plenty fear, - Cause some man talkee, he can hear-- - Topside-galow! - - Young man makee die; one largee dog see - Too muchee bobbe_l_y, findee hee. - Hand too muchee colo, inside can stop - Alla same piecee flag, got cu_l_io chop-- - Topside-galow! - - MORAL. - - You too muchee laugh! What for sing? - I think so you no savey t'hat ting! - Supposey you no b'long clever inside, - More betta _you_ go walk topside! - Topside-galow!" - -In connection with these linguistic curiosities we take the following from -an old number of _Harpers' Magazine_: "A practical parent objects to the -silliness of our nursery rhymes, for the reason that the doggerel is -rendered pernicious by the absence of a practical moral purpose, and as -introducing infants to the realities of life through an utterly erroneous -medium. They are taught to believe in a world peopled by Little Bo-peeps -and Goosey, Goosey Ganders, instead of a world of New York Central, Erie, -North-Western Preferred, &c. &c. It is proposed, therefore, to accommodate -the teaching of the nursery to the requirements of the age, to invest -children's rhymes with a moral purpose. Instead, for example, of the blind -wonderment as to the nature of astronomical bodies inculcated in that -feeble poem commencing 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star,' let the child be -indoctrinated into the recent investigations of science, thus: - - 'Wrinkles, wrinkles, solar star, - I obtain of what you are, - When unto the noonday sky - I the spectroscope apply; - For the spectrum renders clear - Gaps within your photosphere, - Also sodium in the bar - Which your rays yield, solar star.' - -"Then, again, there is the gastronomic career of Little Jack Homer, which -inculcates gluttony. It is practicable that this fictitious hero should -familiarise the child with the principles of the _Delectus_: - - 'Studious John Homer, - Of Latin no scorner, - In the second declension did spy - How nouns there are some - Which ending in _um_ - Do _not_ make their plural in _i_.' - -"The episode of Jack and Jill is valueless as an educational medium. But -it might be made to illustrate the arguments of a certain school of -political economists: - - 'Jack and Jill - Have studied Mill, - And all that sage has taught, too. - Now both promote - Jill's claim to vote, - As every good girl ought too.' - -"Even the pleasures of life have their duties, and the child needs to be -instructed in the polite relaxation of society. The unmeaning jingle of -'Hey diddle diddle,' might be invested with some utility of a social kind: - - 'I did an idyl on Joachim's fiddle, - At a classical soiree in June, - While jolly dogs laughed at themes from Spoehr, - And longed for a popular tune.' - -"And the importance of securing a good _parti_, of rejecting ineligible -candidates, and of modifying flirtations by a strict regard to the future, -might be impressed upon the female mind at an early age in the following -moral: - - 'Little Miss Muffit - Sat at a buffet - Eating a _bonbon sucre_; - A younger son spied her, - And edged up beside her, - But she properly frowned him away.'" - -The preceding is all very well, but there are others which have been -travestied and changed also--"Mary's little Lamb," for instance, will -never be allowed to rest in its true Saxon garb, but is being constantly -dressed in every tongue and dialect. But recently one has arisen bold -enough to doubt the story altogether, and throw discredit on the song. Mr. -Baring Gould, and iconoclasts like him, strive to show that William Tell -and other ancient heroes never did live, but we never expected to doubt -the existence of "Mary's little Lamb," yet a correspondent to a magazine -sent not long ago what he says is the "true story of Mary and her lamb," -hoping it will take the place of the garbled version hitherto received as -authentic: - - "Mary had a little lamb, - Whose fleece was white as snow, - And every place that Mary went, - The lamb it would _not_ go. - - So Mary took that little lamb, - And beat it for a spell; - The family had it fried next day, - And it went very well." - -We have still another way of it, in what may be termed an exaggerated -synonymic adherence to the central idea of the ballad: - - "Mary possessed a diminutive sheep, - Whose external covering was as devoid of colour as the aqueous fluid - which sometimes presents unsurmountable barriers on the Sierras. - And everywhere Mary peregrinated - This juvenile Southdown would be sure to get up and go right after her. - It followed her to the alphabet dispensary one day, - Which was contrary to the 243d subdivision of the 714th article of the - constitution of that academy of erudition; - It caused the adolescent disciples there assembled to titillate their - risibles and indulge in interludes of sportive hilarity," &c. &c. - -Linguistic renderings of many of these ancient songs may be found in the -works of the Rev. Francis Mahoney (Father Prout), Dr. Maginn, &c., as well -as in the "Arundines Cami" of the Rev. H. Drury. Of these here follow a -few: - -LITTLE BO-PEEP. - - "Petit Bo-peep - A perdu ses moutons - Et ne sait pas que les a pris, - O laisses les tranquilles - Ill viendront en ville - Et chacun sa que apres lui." - -BA, BA, BLACK SHEEP. - - "Ba, ba, mouton noir, - Avez vous de laine? - Oui Monsieur, non Monsieur, - Trois sacs pleine. - Un pour mon maitre, un pour ma dame, - Pas un pour le jeune enfant que pleure dan le chemin." - -Here is a song of Mahoney's, which is given complete: - - "Quam pulchra sunt ova - Cum alba et nova, - In stabulo scite leguntur; - Et a Margery bella, - Quae festiva puella! - Pinguis lardi cum frustris coquuntur. - - Ut belles in prato, - Aprico et lato - Sub sole tam lacte renident; - Ova tosta in mensa - Mappa bene extensa, - Nittidissima lanse consident." - -Which, put into English, is: - - "Oh! 'tis eggs are a treat, - When so white and so sweet - From under the manger they're taken; - And by fair Margery - (Och! 'tis she's full of glee!) - They are fried with fat rashers of bacon. - - Just like daisies all spread, - O'er a broad sunny mead, - In the sunbeams so gaudily shining, - Are fried eggs, when displayed - On a dish, when we've laid - The cloth, and are thinking of dining!" - -The last of these we give is from the "Arundines Cami": - -TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR. - - "Mica, mica, parva Stella, - Miror, quaenam sis tam bella! - Splendens eminus in illo - Alba velut gemma, coelo." - -This familiar nursery rhyme has also been "revised" by a committee of -eminent preceptors and scholars, with this result: - - "Shine with irregular, intermitted light, sparkle at intervals, - diminutive, luminous, heavenly body. - How I conjecture, with surprise, not unmixed with uncertainty, what you - are, - Located, apparently, at such a remote distance from, and at a height so - vastly superior to this earth, the planet we inhabit, - Similar in general appearance and refractory powers to the precious - primitive octahedron crystal of pure carbon, set in the aerial - region surrounding the earth." - -Dr. Lang, in his book on "Queensland," &c., is wroth against the colonists -for the system of nomenclature they have pursued, in so far as introducing -such names as Deptford, Codrington, Greenwich, and so on. Conceding that -there may be some confusion by the duplication in this way of names from -the old country, they are surely better than the jaw-breaking native names -which are strung together in the following lines: - - "I like the native names, as Parramatta, - And Illawarra and Wooloomooloo, - Tongabbee, Mittagong, and Coolingatta, - Euranania, Jackwa, Bulkomatta, - Nandowra, Tumbwumba, Woogaroo; - The Wollondilly and the Wingycarribbeo, - The Warragumby, Dalby, and Bungarribbe." - -The following _jeu d'esprit_, in which many of the absurd and -unpronounceable names of American towns and villages are happily hit off, -is from the _Orpheus C. Kerr_ (office-seeker) _Papers_, by R. H. Newell, a -work containing many of those humorous, semi-political effusions, which -were so common in the United States during the Civil War: - -THE AMERICAN TRAVELLER. - - "To Lake Aghmoogenegamook, - All in the State of Maine, - A man from Wittequergaugaum came - One evening in the rain. - - 'I am a traveller,' said he, - 'Just started on a tour, - And go to Nomjamskillicook - To-morrow morn at four.' - - He took a tavern-bed that night, - And with the morrow's sun, - By way of Sekledobskus went, - With carpet-bag and gun. - - A week passed on; and next we find - Our native tourist come - To that sequester'd village called - Genasagarnagum. - - From thence he went to Absequoit, - And there--quite tired of Maine-- - He sought the mountains of Vermont, - Upon a railroad train. - - Dog Hollow, in the Green Mount State, - Was his first stopping-place, - And then Skunk's Misery displayed - Its sweetness and its grace. - - By easy stages then he went - To visit Devil's Den; - And Scrabble Hollow, by the way, - Did come within his ken. - - Then _via_ Nine Holes and Goose Green, - He travelled through the State, - And to Virginia, finally, - Was guided by his fate. - - Within the Old Dominion's bounds, - He wandered up and down; - To-day at Buzzard Roost ensconced, - To-morrow at Hell Town. - - At Pole Cat, too, he spent a week, - Till friends from Bull Ring came, - And made him spend the day with them - In hunting forest game. - - Then, with his carpet-bag in hand, - To Dog Town next he went; - Though stopping at Free Negro Town, - Where half a day he spent. - - From thence, into Negationburg - His route of travel lay, - Which having gained, he left the State - And took a southward way. - - North Carolina's friendly soil - He trod at fall of night, - And, on a bed of softest down, - He slept at Hell's Delight. - - Morn found him on the road again, - To Lousy Level bound; - At Bull's Tail, and Lick Lizard too, - Good provender he found. - - The country all about Pinch Gut - So beautiful did seem, - That the beholder thought it like - A picture in a dream. - - But the plantations near Burnt Coat - Were even finer still, - And made the wond'ring tourist feel - A soft delicious thrill. - - At Tear Shirt, too, the scenery - Most charming did appear, - With Snatch It in the distance far, - And Purgatory near. - - But spite of all these pleasant scenes, - The tourist stoutly swore - That home is brightest after all, - And travel is a bore. - - So back he went to Maine, straightway - A little wife he took; - And now is making nutmegs at - Moosehicmagunticook." - -A RHYME FOR MUSICIANS. - - "Haendel, Bendel, Mendelssohn, - Brendel, Wendel, Jadasshon, - Muller, Hiller, Heller, Franz, - Blothow, Flotow, Burto, Gantz. - - Meyer, Geyer, Meyerbeer, - Heyer, Weyer, Beyer, Beer, - Lichner, Lachnar, Schachner, Dietz, - Hill, Will, Bruell, Grill Drill, Reiss, Reitz. - - Hansen, Jansen, Jensen, Kiehl, - Siade, Gade, Laade, Stiehl, - Naumann, Riemann, Diener, Wurst, - Niemann, Kiemann, Diener Wurst. - - Kochler, Dochler, Rubenstein, - Himmel, Hummel, Rosenkyn, - Lauer, Bauer, Kleincke, - Homberg, Plomberg, Reinecke." - --_E. Lemke._ - -SURNAMES. - -BY JAMES SMITH, ONE OF THE AUTHORS OF "REJECTED ADDRESSES." - - "Men once were surnamed for their shape or estate - (You all may from history learn it), - There was Louis the Bulky, and Henry the Great, - John Lackland, and Peter the Hermit. - But now, when the doorplates of misters and dames - Are read, each so constantly varies; - From the owner's trade, figure, and calling, surnames - Seem given by the rule of contraries. - - Mr. Wise is a dunce, Mr. King is a whig, - Mr. Coffin's uncommonly sprightly, - And huge Mr. Little broke down in a gig, - While driving fat Mrs. Golightly. - At Bath, where the feeble go more than the stout, - (A conduct well worthy of Nero,) - Over poor Mr. Lightfoot, confined with the gout, - Mr. Heavyside danced a bolero. - - Miss Joy, wretched maid, when she chose Mr. Love, - Found nothing but sorrow await her; - She now holds in wedlock, as true as a dove, - That fondest of mates, Mr. Hayter. - Mr. Oldcastle dwells in a modern-built hut; - Miss Sage is of madcaps the archest; - Of all the queer bachelors Cupid e'er cut, - Old Mr. Younghusband's the starchest. - - Mr. Child, in a passion, knock'd down Mr. Rock; - Mr. Stone like an aspen-leaf shivers; - Miss Pool used to dance, but she stands like a stock - Ever since she became Mrs. Rivers. - Mr. Swift hobbles onward, no mortal knows how, - He moves as though cords had entwined him; - Mr. Metcalf ran off upon meeting a cow, - With pale Mr. Turnbull behind him. - - Mr. Barker's as mute as a fish in the sea, - Mr. Miles never moves on a journey, - Mr. Gotobed sits up till half after three, - Mr. Makepeace was bred an attorney. - Mr. Gardener can't tell a flower from a root, - Mr. Wild with timidity draws back; - Mr. Ryder performs all his journeys on foot, - Mr. Foot all his journeys on horseback. - - Mr. Penny, whose father was rolling in wealth, - Consumed all the fortune his dad won; - Large Mr. Le Fever's the picture of health; - Mr. Goodenough is but a bad one. - Mr. Cruikshank stept into three thousand a year - By showing his leg to an heiress: - Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear - Surnames ever go by contraries." - -The next verses are somewhat similar, and are taken from an old number of -the _European Magazine_: - -COINCIDENCES AND CONTRARIETIES. - - "Tis curious to find, in this overgrown town, - While through its long streets we are dodging, - That many a man is in trade settled down, - Whose name don't agree with his lodging! - For instance, Jack Munday in Friday Street dwells, - Mr. Pitt in Fox Court is residing; - Mr. White in Black's Buildings green-grocery sells, - While East in West Square is abiding! - - Mr. Lamb in Red Lion Street perks up his head, - To Lamb's, Conduit Street, Lyon goes courting; - Mr. Boxer at Battle Bridge hires a bed, - While Moon is in Sun Street disporting. - Bill Brown up to Green Street to live now is gone, - In Stanhope mews Dennet keeps horses; - Doctor Low lives in High Street, Saint Mary-le-Bone, - In Brown Street one Johnny White's door sees. - - But still much more curious it is, when the streets - Accord with the names of their tenants; - And yet with such curious accordance one meets, - In taking a town-tour like Pennant's. - For instance, in Crown Street George King you may note, - To Booth, in Mayfair, you go shopping; - And Porter, of Brewer Street, goes in a boat - To Waters, of River Street, Wapping! - - Mr. Sparrow in Bird Street has feathered his nest, - Mr. Archer in Bow Street wooes Sally: - Mr. Windham in Air Street gets zephyr'd to rest, - Mr. Dancer resides in Ball Alley. - Mr. Fisher on Finsbury fixes his views, - Mrs. Foote in Shoe Lane works at carding; - Mr. Hawke has a residence close to the Mews, - And Winter puts up at Spring Gardens! - - In Orange Street, Lemon vends porter and ale, - In Hart Street, Jack Deer keeps a stable; - In Hill Street located you'll find Mr. Dale, - In Blue Anchor Row, Mr. Cable. - In Knight-Rider Street, you've both Walker and Day, - In Castle Street, Champion and Spearman; - In Blackman Street, Lillywhite makes a display, - In Cheapside lives sweet Mrs. Dearman. - - In Paradise Row, Mr. Adam sells figs, - Eve, in Apple Tree Yard, rooms has taken; - Mr. Coltman, in Foley Street, fits you with wigs, - In Hog Lane you call upon Bacon. - Old Homer in Greek Street sells barrels and staves, - While Pope, in Cross Lane, is a baker; - In Liquorpond Street, Mr. Drinkwater shaves, - In Cow Lane lives A. Veal, undertaker." - -THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. - - "A pretty deer is dear to me, - A hare with downy hair; - I love a hart with all my heart, - But barely bear a bear. - 'Tis plain that no one takes a plane - To pare a pair of pears; - A rake, though, often takes a rake - To tear away the tares. - All rays raise thyme, time razes all; - And, through the whole, hole wears. - A writ, in writing 'right,' may write - It 'wright,' and still be wrong-- - For 'wright' and 'rite' are neither 'right,' - And don't to 'write' belong. - Beer often brings a bier to man, - Coughing a coffin brings; - And too much ale will make us ail, - As well as other things. - The person lies who says he lies - When he is but reclining; - And when consumptive folks decline, - They all decline declining. - A quail don't quail before a storm-- - A bough will bow before it; - We cannot rein the rain at all-- - No earthly powers reign o'er it; - The dyer dyes awhile, then dies; - To dye he's always trying, - Until upon his dying bed - He thinks no more of dyeing. - A son of Mars mars many a sun; - All deys must have their days, - And every knight should pray each night - To Him who weighs his ways. - 'Tis meet that man should mete out meat - To feed misfortune's son; - The fair should fare on love alone, - Else one cannot be won. - A lass, alas! is something false; - Of faults a maid is made; - Her waist is but a barren waste-- - Though stayed she is not staid. - The springs spring forth in spring, and shoots - Shoot forward one and all; - Though summer kills the flowers, it leaves - The leaves to fall in fall. - I would a story here commence, - But you might find it stale; - So let's suppose that we have reached - The tail end of our tale." - -SPELLING REFORM. - - "With tragic air the love-lorn heir - Once chased the chaste Louise; - She quickly guessed her guest was there - To please her with his pleas. - - Now at her side he kneeling sighed, - His sighs of woeful size; - 'Oh, hear me here, for lo, most low - I rise before your eyes. - - 'This soul is sole thine own, Louise-- - 'Twill never wean, I ween, - The love that I for aye shall feel, - Though mean may be its mien!' - - 'You know I cannot tell you no,' - The maid made answer true; - 'I love you aught, as sure I ought-- - To you 'tis due I do!' - - 'Since you are won, Oh fairest one, - The marriage rite is right-- - The chapel aisle I'll lead you up - This night,' exclaimed the knight." - --_Yonkers' Gazette, U.S._ - -OWED TO MY CREDITORS. - - "In vain I lament what is past, - And pity their woe-begone looks, - Though they grin at the credit they gave, - I know I am in their best books. - To my _tailor_ my _breaches_ of faith, - On my conscience now but lightly sit, - For such lengths in his _measures_ he's gone, - He has given me many a _fit_. - My bootmaker, finding at _last_ - That my _soul_ was too stubborn to suit, - _Waxed_ wroth when he found he had got - Anything but the _length of my foot_. - My hatmaker cunningly _felt_ - He'd seen many like me before, - So _brimful_ of insolence, vowed - On credit he'd crown me no more. - My baker was _crusty_ and _burnt_, - When he found himself quite _overdone_ - By a _fancy-bred_ chap like myself,-- - Ay, as _cross_ as a _Good Friday's bun_. - Next, my laundress, who washed pretty clean, - In behaviour was dirty and bad; - For into hot water she popped - All the shirts and the dickies I had. - Then my butcher, who'd little at _stake_, - Most surlily opened his _chops_, - And swore my affairs out of _joint_, - So on to my carcase he pops. - In my lodgings exceedingly high, - Though low in the rent to be sure, - Without warning my landlady seized, - Took my things and the key of the door. - Thus cruelly used by the world, - In the Bench I can smile at its hate; - For a time I must alter my _style_, - For I cannot get out of the _gate_." - -AN ORIGINAL LOVE STORY. - - "He struggled to kiss her. She struggled the same - To prevent him, so bold and undaunted; - But, as smitten by lightning, he heard her exclaim, - 'Avaunt, sir!' and off he avaunted. - - But when he returned, with the fiendishest laugh, - Showing clearly that he was affronted, - And threatened by main force to carry her off, - She cried 'Don't!' and the poor fellow donted. - - When he meekly approached, and sat down at her feet, - Praying aloud, as before he had ranted, - That she would forgive him and try to be sweet, - And said, 'Can't you!' the dear girl recanted. - - Then softly he whispered, 'How could you do so? - I certainly thought I was jilted; - But come thou with me, to the parson we'll go; - Say, wilt thou, my dear?' and she wilted." - -PREVALENT POETRY. - - "A wandering tribe, called the Siouxs, - Wear moccasins, having no shiouxs. - They are made of buckskin, - With the fleshy side in, - Embroidered with beads of bright hyiouxs. - - When out on the war-path, the Siouxs - March single file--never by tiouxs-- - And by 'blazing' the trees - Can return at their ease, - And their way through the forests ne'er liouxs. - - All new-fashioned boats he eschiouxs, - And uses the birch-bark caniouxs; - These are handy and light, - And, inverted at night, - Give shelter from storms and from dyiouxs. - - The principal food of the Siouxs - Is Indian maize, which they briouxs - And hominy make, - Or mix in a cake, - And eat it with fork, as they chiouxs." - --_Scribner's Magazine._ - -A TEMPERANCE SERMON. - - "If for a stomach ache you tache - Each time some whisky, it will break - You down and meak you sheak and quache, - And you will see a horrid snache. - - Much whisky doth your wits beguile, - Your breath defuile, yourself make vuile; - You lose your style, likewise your pyle, - If you erewhyle too often smuile. - - But should there be, like now, a drought, - When water and your strength give ought, - None will your good name then malign - If you confign your drink to wign." - --_H. C. Dodge._ - - "There was a young man in Bordeaux, - He said to himself--'Oh, heaux! - The girls have gone back on me seaux, - What to do I really don't kneaux.'" - - - - -_TECHNICAL VERSE._ - - -ANTICIPATORY DIRGE ON PROFESSOR BUCKLAND, THE GEOLOGIST. - -BY BISHOP SHUTTLEWORTH. - - "Mourn, Ammonites, mourn o'er his funeral urn, - Whose neck ye must grace no more; - Gneiss, Granite, and Slate!--he settled your date, - And his ye must now deplore. - Weep, Caverns, weep! with infiltering drip, - Your recesses he'll cease to explore; - For mineral veins or organic remains - No Stratum again will he bore. - - Oh! his wit shone like crystal!--his knowledge profound - From Gravel to Granite descended; - No Trap could deceive him, no Slip could confound, - Nor specimen, true or pretended. - He knew the birth-rock of each pebble so round, - And how far its tour had extended. - - His eloquence rolled like the Deluge retiring, - Which Mastodon carcases floated; - To a subject obscure he gave charms so inspiring - Young and old on Geology doated. - He stood forth like an Outlier; his hearers admiring - In pencil each anecdote noted. - - Where shall we our great professor inter, - That in peace may rest his bones? - If we hew him a rocky sepulchre, - He'll rise up and break the stones, - And examine each Stratum that lies around, - For he's quite in his element underground. - - If with mattock and spade his body we lay - In the common Alluvial soil; - He'll start up and snatch those tools away - Of his own geological toil; - In a Stratum so young the professor disdains - That embedded should be his Organic Remains. - - Then, exposed to the drip of some case-hard'ning spring, - His carcase let Stalactite cover; - And to Oxford the petrified sage let us bring, - When he is encrusted all over, - There, mid Mammoths and Crocodiles, high on a shelf, - Let him stand as a Monument raised to himself." - -When Professor Buckland's grave was being dug in Islip churchyard, in -August 1856, the men came unexpectedly upon the solid limestone rock, -which they were obliged to blast with gunpowder. The coincidence of this -fact with some of the verses in the above anticipatory dirge is somewhat -remarkable. - -The following is by Jacob F. Henrici, and appeared originally in -_Scribner' s Magazine_ for November 1879: - -A MICROSCOPIC SERENADE. - - "Oh come, my love, and seek with me - A realm by grosser eye unseen, - Where fairy forms will welcome thee, - And dainty creatures hail thee queen. - In silent pools the tube I'll ply, - Where green conferva-threads lie curled, - And proudly bring to thy bright eye - The trophies of the protist world. - - We'll rouse the stentor from his lair, - And gaze into the cyclops' eye; - In chara and nitella hair - The protoplasmic stream descry, - For ever weaving to and fro - With faint molecular melody; - And curious rotifers I'll show, - And graceful vorticellidae. - - Where melicertae ply their craft - We'll watch the playful water-bear, - And no envenomed hydra's shaft - Shall mar our peaceful pleasure there; - But while we whisper love's sweet tale - We'll trace, with sympathetic art, - Within the embryonic snail - The growing rudimental heart. - - Where rolls the volvox sphere of green, - And plastids move in Brownian dance-- - If, wandering 'mid that gentle scene, - Two fond amoebae shall perchance - Be changed to one beneath our sight - By process of biocrasis, - We'll recognise, with rare delight, - A type of our prospective bliss. - - Oh dearer thou by far to me - In thy sweet maidenly estate - Than any seventy-fifth could be, - Of aperture however great! - Come, go with me, and we will stray - Through realm by grosser eye unseen, - Where protophytes shall homage pay, - And protozoa hail thee queen." - -The epitaph following was written by the learned and witty Dr. Charles -Smith, author of the histories of Cork and Waterford. It was read at a -meeting of the Dublin Medico-Philosophical Society on July 1, 1756, and is -a very curious specimen of the "terminology of chemistry:" - -"BOYLE GODFREY, CHYMIST AND DOCTOR OF MEDICINE. - -EPITAPHIUM CHEMICUM. - - Here lieth to digest, macerate, and amalgamate with clay, - In Balneo Arenae, - Stratum super stratum, - The Residuum, Terra Damnata, and Caput Mortuum, - Of Boyle Godfrey, Chimist, - And M.D. - A man who in this earthly Laboratory - Pursued various processes to obtain - Arcanum Vitae, - Or the secret to Live; - Also Aurum Vitae, - Or the art of getting, rather than making, Gold. - Alchemist like, - All his labour and propition, - As Mercury in the fire, evaporated in fumo. - When he dissolved to his first principles, - He departed as poor - As the last drops of an alembic; - For riches are not poured - On the Adepts of this world. - Thus, - Not Solar in his purse, - Neither Lunar in his disposition, - Nor Jovial in his temperament; - Being of Saturnine habit, - Venereal conflicts had left him, - And Martial ones he disliked. - With nothing saline in his composition, - All Salts but two were his Nostrums. - The Attic he did not know, - And that of the Earth he thought not Essential; - But, perhaps, his had lost its savour. - Though fond of news, he carefully avoided - The fermentation, effervescence, - And decupilation of this life. - Full seventy years his exalted essence - Was hermetically sealed in its terrene matrass; - But the radical moisture being exhausted, - The Elixir Vitae spent, - Inspissated and exsiccated to a cuticle, - He could not suspend longer in his vehicle, - But precipitated gradatim - Per companum - To his original dust. - May that light, brighter than Bolognian Phosphorus, - Preserve him from the Incineration and Concremation - Of the Athanor, Empyreuma, and Reverberatory - Furnace of the other world, - Depurate him, like Tartarus Regeneratus, - From the Foeces and Scoria of this; - Highly rectify and volatilize - His Etherial Spirit, - Bring it over the helm of the Retort of this Globe, - Place in a proper Recipient, - Or Crystalline Orb, - Among the elect of the Flowers of Benjamin, - Never to be saturated - Till the general Resuscitation, - Deflagration, and Calcination of all Things, - When all the reguline parts - Of his comminuted substance - Shall be again concentrated, - Revivified, alcoholized, - And imbibe its pristine Archeses; - Undergo a new transmutation, - Eternal fixation, - And combination of its former Aura; - Be coated over and decorated in robes more fair - Than the majestie of Bismuth, - More sparkling than Cinnabar, - Or Aurum Mosaicum. - And being found Proof Spirit, - Then to be exalted and sublimed together - Into the Concave Dome - Of the highest Aludel in Paradise." - -TO CLARA MORCHELLA DELICIOSA. - -(A MYCOLOGICAL SERENADE.) - -By Mr. A. Stephen Wilson, North Kinmundy, Aberdeenshire, and read at a -meeting of the Cryptogamic Society at Glasgow in 1880. - - "Oh, lovely Clara, hie with me - Where Cryptogams in beauty spore, - Corticiums creep on trunk and tree, - And fairy rings their curves restore; - Mycelia there pervade the ground, - And many a painted pileus rear, - Agarics rend their veils around - The ranal overture to hear. - - Where gay Pezizae flaunt their hues, - A microscopic store we'll glean, - To sketch with camera the views - In which the ascus may be seen. - Beneath our millemetric gaze - Sporidia's length will stand revealed, - And eyes like thine will trace the maze - In each hymenium concealed. - - AEstivum tubers we shall dig, - Like Suidae in Fagian shade, - And many a Sphaeria-sheltering twig - Will in our vascula be laid. - For hard Sclerotia we shall peer, - In barks and brassicaceous leaves, - And trace their progress through the year, - Like Bobbies on the track of thieves. - - While sages deem Solanum sent - To succour Homo's hungry maw, - We'll prize it for development - Of swelling Peronospora. - We'll mount the Myxogastre's threads - To watch Plasmodium's vital flow, - While Capillitia lift their heads - Generic mysteries to show. - - I'll bring thee where the Chantarelles - Inspire a mycologic theme, - Where Phallus in the shadow smells, - And scarlet Amanita gleam; - And lead thee where M'Moorlan's rye - Is waving black with ergot spurs, - And many a Trichobasian dye - Gives worth to corn and prickly burs. - - And when the beetle calls us home, - We'll gather on our lingering way - The violaceous Inolome - And russet Alutacea, - The brown Boletus edulis - Our fishing baskets soon will fill-- - We'll dine on fungi fried in bliss, - Nor dread the peck of butcher's bill." - -TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL. - -(A GEOLOGICAL ADDRESS.) - - "'Speak, O man, less recent! Fragmentary fossil! - Primal pioneer of pliocene formation, - Hid in lowest drifts below the earliest stratum - Of volcanic tufa! - - 'Older than the beasts, the oldest Palaeotherium; - Older than the trees, the oldest Cryptogami; - Older than the hills, those infantile eruptions - Of earth's epidermis! - - 'Eo--Mio--Plio--whatso'er the "cene" was - That those vacant sockets filled with awe and wonder,-- - Whether shores Devonian or Silurian beaches,-- - Tell us thy strange story! - - 'Or has the professor slightly antedated - By some thousand years thy advent on this planet, - Giving thee an air that's somewhat better fitted - For cold-blooded creatures? - - 'Wert thou true spectator of that mighty forest - When above thy head the stately Sigillaria - Reared its columned trunks in that remote and distant - Carboniferous epoch? - - 'Tell us of that scene,--the dim and watery woodland, - Songless, silent, hushed, with never bird or insect, - Veiled with spreading fronds and screened with tall club-mosses, - Lycopodiacea,-- - - 'When beside thee walked the solemn Plesiosaurus, - And around thee crept the festive Ichthyosaurus, - While from time to time above thee flew and circled - Cheerful Pterodactyls. - - 'Tell us of thy food,--those half-marine refections, - Crinoids on the shell and Brachiopods _au naturel_,-- - Cuttlefish to which the _pieuvre_ of Victor Hugo - Seems a periwinkle. - - 'Speak, thou awful vestige of the earth's creation,-- - Solitary fragment of remains organic! - Tell the wondrous secret of thy past existence,-- - Speak! thou oldest primate!' - - Even as I gazed, a thrill of the maxilla, - And a lateral movement of the condyloid process, - With post-pliocene sounds of healthy mastication, - Ground the teeth together. - - And, from that imperfect dental exhibition, - Stained with express juices of the weed Nicotian, - Came these hollow accents, blent with softer murmurs - Of expectoration: - - 'Which my name is Bowers, and my crust was busted - Falling down a shaft in Calaveras County, - But I'd take it kindly if you'd send the pieces - Home to old Missouri!'" - --_Bret Harte._ - -The following verses are from "Notes and Queries," and evidently refer to -a case of "breach of promise": - -KNOX WARD, KING-AT-ARMS, DISARMED AT LAW. - - "Ye fair injured nymphs, and ye beaus who deceive 'em, - Who with passion engage, and without reason leave 'em, - Draw near and attend how the Hero I sing - Was foiled by a Girl, though at Arms he was King. - - _Crest_, _mottoes_, _supporters_, and _bearings_ knew he, - And deeply was studied in old pedigree. - He would sit a whole evening, and, not without rapture, - Tell who begat who to the end of the Chapter. - - In forming his _tables_ nought grieved him so sorely - That the man died _Coelebs_, or else _sine prole_. - At last, having traced other families down, - He began to have thoughts of increasing his own. - - A Damsel he chose, not too slow of belief, - And fain would be deemed her admirer _in chief_. - He _blazoned_ his suit, and the sum of his tale - Was his _field_ and her _field_ joined _party per pale_. - - In different style, to tie faster the noose, - He next would attack her in soft _billet doux_. - His _argent_ and _sable_ were laid aside quite, - Plain _English_ he wrote, and in plain black and white. - - Against such _atchievements_ what beauty could fence? - Or who would have thought it was all but _pretence_?-- - His pain to relieve, and fulfil his desire, - The lady agreed to join hands with the squire. - - The squire, in a fret that the jest went so far, - Considered with speed how to put in a _bar_. - His words bound not him, since hers did not confine her: - And that is plain law, because Miss is a _minor_. - - Miss briskly replied that the law was too hard, - If she, who's a _minor_, may not be a _ward_. - In law then confiding, she took it upon her, - By justice to mend those foul breaches of honour. - - She handled him so that few would, I warrant, - Have been in his _coat_ on so _sleeveless_ an errant. - She made him give bond for stamped _argent_ and _or_, - And _sabled_ his shield with _gules_ blazoned before. - - Ye heralds produce, from the time of the Normans, - In all your Records such a _base_ non-performance; - Or if without instance the case is we touch on, - Let this be set down as a _blot_ in his _scutcheon_." - -LAMENT OF AN UNFORTUNATE DRUGGIST, - - A Member of the Pharmaceutical Society, whose matrimonial speculations - have been disappointed. - - "You that have charge of wedded love, take heed - To keep the vessel which contains it air-tight; - So that no oxygen may enter there! - Lest (like as in a keg of elder wine, - The which, when made, thy careless hand forgot - To bung securely down) full soon, alas! - Acetous fermentation supervene - And winter find thee wineless, and, instead - Of wine, afford thee nought but vinegar. - Thus hath it been with me: there was a time - When neither rosemary nor jessamine, - Cloves or verbena, marechale, resede, - Or e'en great Otto's self, were more delicious - Unto my nose, than Betsy to mine eyes; - And, in our days of courtship, I have thought - That my career through life, with her, would be - Bright as my own show-bottles; but, ah me! - It was a vision'd scene. From what she _was_ - To what she _is_, is as the pearliness - Of Creta Praep. compared with Antim. Nig. - There was a time she was all Almond-mixture - (A bland emulsion; I can recommend it - To him who hath a cold), but now, woe! woe! - She is a fierce and foaming combination - Of turpentine with vitriolic oil. - Oh! name not Sulphur, when you speak of her, - For she is Brimstone's very incarnation, - She is the Bitter-apple of my life, - The Scillae oxymel of my existence, - That knows no sweets with her. - What shall I do?--where fly?--What Hellebore - Can ease the madness that distracts my brain! - What aromatic vinegar restore - The drooping memory of brighter days! - They bid me seek relief in Prussic acid; - They tell me Arsenic holds a mighty power - To put to flight each ill and care of life: - They mention Opium, too; they say its essence, - Called Battley's Sedative, can steep the soul - Chin-deep in blest imaginings; till grief - Changed by its chemic agency, becomes - One lump of blessed Saccharum;--these things - They tell to _me_--_me_, who for twelve long years - Have triturated drugs for a subsistence, - From seven i' th' morn until the midnight hour. - I have no faith in physic's agency - E'en when most 'genuine,' for I have seen - And analysed its nature, and I know - That Humbug is its Active Principle, - Its ultimate and Elemental Basis. - What then is left? No more to Fate I'll bend: - I will rush into chops! and Stout shall be--my end!!" - --_Punch_ (1844.) - -ODE TO "DAVIES' ANALYTICAL" - - "Charming chaos, glorious puddle, - Ethics opaque, book of bliss; - Through thy platitudes I waddle, - O thou subtle synthesis! - - To thy soft consideration, - Give I talents, give I time; - Though 'perpetual occultation' - Shuts me from thy balmy clime. - - As unto the sea-tossed trader, - Is the guiding Polar Star; - Thou'rt my 'zenith' and my 'nadir,' - Still 'so near and yet so far.' - - Sancho never loved his gravies - As I love thy sunny face; - Sheep-bound master-piece of Davies, - Benefactor of his race! - - Man nor god, not even 'ox-eyed - Juno,' could me from thee part; - My 'enthymeme,' my sweet 'protoxide,' - Thou'rt the 'zeugma' of my heart. - - When were built the rocks azoic, - Sat'st thou on the granite hill; - And with constancy heroic, - To _me_ thou art azoic still. - - My 'syzygy,' I'll ne'er leave thee, - Thou shalt ne'er from me escheat; - I will cherish thee, believe me, - Pythagorean obsolete. - - Bless me in the midnight watches, - Ever by my pillow keep - Ruler, chalk, and black-board scratches, - Lovely nightmare, while I sleep. - - Be 'co-ordinate' for ever, - For ever my 'abscissa' be; - The Fates can overwhelm me never, - Whilst _thou_ art in 'perigee.'" - -MAN AND THE ASCIDIAN. - -A MORALITY IN THE QUEEN ANNE MANNER. - - "The Ancestor remote of Man, - Says D--w--n, is th' Ascidian, - A scanty sort of water-beast - That, 90,000,000 years at least - Before Gorillas came to be, - Went swimming up and down the sea. - - Their ancestors the pious praise, - And like to imitate their ways - How, then, does our first parent live, - What lesson has his life to give? - - Th' Ascidian tadpole, young and gay, - Doth Life with one bright eye survey, - His consciousness has easy play. - He's sensitive to grief and pain, - Has tail, and spine, and bears a brain, - And everything that fits the state - Of creatures we call vertebrate. - But age comes on; with sudden shock - He sticks his head against a rock! - His tail drops off, his eye drops in, - His brain's absorbed into his skin; - He does not move, nor feel, nor know - The tidal water's ebb and flow, - But still abides, unstirred, alone, - A sucker sticking to a stone. - And we, his children, truly we - In youth are, like the Tadpole, free. - And where we would we blithely go, - Have brain and hearts, and feel and know. - Then Age comes on! To Habit we - Affix ourselves and are not free; - Th' Ascidian's rooted to a rock, - And we are bond-slaves of the clock; - Our rock is Medicine--Letters--Law, - From these our heads we cannot draw: - Our loves drop off, our hearts drop in, - And daily thicker grows our skin. - We scarcely live, we scarcely know - The wide world's moving ebb and flow, - The clanging currents ring and shock, - But we are rooted to the rock. - And thus at ending of his span, - Blind, deaf, and indolent, does Man - Revert to the Ascidian." - --_St. James's Gazette (July 1880)._ - -A GEOLOGICAL MADRIGAL. - - "I have found out a gift for my fair; - I know where the fossils abound, - Where the footprints of _Aves_ declare - The birds that once walked on the ground; - Oh, come, and--in technical speech-- - We'll walk this Devonian shore, - Or on some Silurian beach - We'll wander, my love, evermore. - - I will show thee the sinuous track - By the slow-moving Annelid made, - Or the Trilobite that, farther back, - In the old Potsdam sandstone was laid; - Thou shalt see in his Jurassic tomb, - The Plesiosaurus embalmed; - In his Oolitic prime and his bloom - Iguanodon safe and unharmed! - - You wished--I remember it well, - And I loved you the more for that wish-- - For a perfect cystedian shell - And a _whole_ holocephalic fish. - And oh, if Earth's strata contains - In its lowest Silurian drift, - Or palaeozoic remains - The same--'tis your lover's free gift. - - Then come, love, and never say nay, - But calm all your maidenly fears; - We'll note, love, in one summer's day - The record of millions of years; - And though the Darwinian plan - Your sensitive feelings may shock, - We'll find the beginning of man-- - Our fossil ancestors, in rock!" - --_Bret Harte._ - -THE HUSBAND'S COMPLAINT. - -"Will she thy linen wash and hosen darn?"--GAY. - - "I'm utterly sick of this hateful alliance - Which the ladies have formed with impractical Science! - They put out their washing to learn hydrostatics, - And give themselves airs for the sake of pneumatics. - - They are knowing in muriate, and nitrate, and chlorine, - While the stains gather fast on the walls and the flooring-- - And the jellies and pickles fall woefully short, - With their chemical use of the still and retort. - - Our expenses increase (without drinking French wines), - For they keep no accounts, with their tangents and sines?-- - And to make both ends meet they give little assistance, - With their accurate sense of the squares of the distance. - - They can name every spot from Peru to El Arish, - Except just the bounds of their own native parish; - And they study the orbits of Venus and Saturn, - While their home is resigned to the thief and the slattern. - - Chronology keeps back the dinner two hours, - The smoke-jack stands still while they learn motive powers; - Flies and shells swallow up all our everyday gains, - And our acres are mortgaged for fossil remains. - - They cease to reflect with their talk of refraction-- - They drive us from home by electric attraction-- - And I'm sure, since they've bothered their heads with affinity - I'm repulsed every hour from my learned divinity. - - When the poor stupid husband is weary and starving, - Anatomy leads them to give up the carving; - And we drudges the shoulder of mutton must buy, - While they study the line of the _os humeri_. - - If we 'scape from our troubles to take a short nap, - We awake with a din about limestone and trap; - And the fire is extinguished past regeneration, - For the women were wrapt in the deep-coal formation. - - 'Tis an impious thing that the wives of the laymen - Should use Pagan words 'bout a pistil and stamen; - Let the heir break his head while they foster a Dahlia, - And the babe die of pap as they talk of mammalia. - - The first son becomes half a fool in reality, - While the mother is watching his large ideality; - And the girl roars unchecked, quite a moral abortion, - For we trust her benevolence, order, and caution. - - I sigh for the good times of sewing and spinning, - Ere this new tree of knowledge had set them a sinning; - The women are mad, and they'll build female colleges,-- - So here's to plain English!--a plague on their 'ologies!" - -HOMOEOPATHIC SOUP. - - "Take a robin's leg - (Mind! the drumstick merely), - Put it in a tub - Filled with water nearly; - Set it out of doors, - In a place that's shady, - Let it stand a week - (Three days if for a lady). - - Drop a spoonful of it - In a five-pail kettle, - Which may be made of tin - Or any baser metal; - Fill the kettle up, - Set it on a boiling, - Strain the liquor well, - To prevent its oiling; - - One atom add of salt, - For the thickening one rice kernel, - And use to light the fire - The Homoeopathic Journal. - Let the liquor boil - Half an hour or longer - (If 'tis for a man, - Of course you'll make it stronger). - - Should you now desire - That the soup be flavoury, - Stir it once around - With a stalk of Savory. - When the broth is made, - Nothing can excel it: - Then three times a day - Let the patient _smell_ it. - If he chance to die, - Say 'twas Nature did it; - If he chance to live, - Give the soup the credit." - -A BILLET-DOUX. - -BY A COUNTRY SCHOOLMASTER, CHIDDINGLY, SUSSEX. - - "Accept, dear Miss, this _article_ of mine, - (For what's _indefinite_, who can _define_?) - My _case_ is singular, my house is rural, - Wilt thou, indeed, consent to make it _plural_? - Something, I feel, pervades my system through, - I can't describe, yet _substantively_ true. - Thy form so _feminine_, thy mind reflective, - Where all's _possessive_ good, and nought _objective_, - I'm _positive_ none can _compare_ with thee - In wit and worth's _superlative_ degree. - _First person_, then, _indicative_ but prove, - Let thy soft _passive_ voice exclaim, 'I LOVE!' - _Active_, in cheerful _mood_, no longer _neuter_, - I'll leave my cares, both _present_, _past_, and _future_. - But ah! what torture must I undergo - Till I obtain that little 'Yes' or 'No!' - Spare me the _negative_--to save compunction, - Oh, let my _preposition_ meet _conjunction_. - What could excite such pleasing recollection, - At hearing thee pronounce this _interjection_, - 'I will be thine! thy joys and griefs to share, - Till Heaven shall please to _point_ a _period_ there'!" - --_Family Friend_ (1849). - -Cumulative verse--in which one newspaper gives a few lines, and other -papers follow it up--like that which follows, is very common in American -newspapers, which, however profound or dense, invariably have a corner for -this kind of thing. It has been said that the reason why no purely comic -paper, like _Punch_ or _Fun_, succeeds in the United States, is because -all their papers have a "funny" department. - -THE ARAB AND HIS DONKEY. - - An Arab came to the river side, - With a donkey bearing an obelisk; - But he would not try to ford the tide, - For he had too good an *. - --_Boston Globe._ - - So he camped all night by the river side, - And remained till the tide had ceased to swell, - For he knew should the donkey from life subside, - He never would find its ||. - --_Salem Sunbeam._ - - When the morning dawned, and the tide was out, - The pair crossed over 'neath Allah's protection; - And the Arab was happy, we have no doubt, - For he had the best donkey in all that Sec.. - --_Somerville Journal._ - - You are wrong, they were drowned in crossing over, - Though the donkey was bravest of all his race; - He luxuriates now in horse-heaven clover, - And his master has gone to the Prophet's _em_[Symbol] - --_Elevated Railway Journal._ - - These assinine poets deserved to be "blowed," - Their rhymes being faulty and frothy and beery; - What really befell the ass and its load - Will ever remain a desolate ?. - --_Paper and Print._ - - Our Yankee friends, with all their ---- - For once, we guess, their mark have missed; - And with poetry _Paper and Print_ is rash - In damming its flow with its editor's [Symbol] - - In parable and moral leave a [Symbol] between, [_Space_] - For reflection, or your wits fall out of joint; - The "Arab," ye see, is a printing machine, - And the donkey is he who can't see the . - --_British and Colonial Printer._ - -An Ohio poet thus sings of the beginning of man: - -EVOLUTION. - - "O sing a song of phosphates, - Fibrine in a line, - Four and twenty follicles - In the van of time. - - When the phosphorescence - Evoluted brain, - Superstition ended, - Man began to reign." - - - - -_SINGLE-RHYMED VERSE._ - - -The following lines are from a book written by M. Halpine, under the -sobriquet of "Private Miles O'Reilly," during the Civil War in the United -States. They have some merit apart from their peculiar versification, and -the idea of comparing the "march past" of veteran troops in war time with -the parade of the old gladiators is a happy one. - -MORITURI TE SALUTANT. - - "'_Morituri te salutant!_' say the soldiers as they pass; - Not in uttered words they say it, but we feel it as they pass-- - 'We, who are about to perish, we salute thee as we pass!' - Nought of golden pomp and glitter mark the veterans as they pass-- - Travel-stained, but bronzed and sinewy, firmly, proudly, how they pass; - And we hear them, '_Morituri te salutant!_' as they pass. - On his pawing steed, the General marks the waves of men that pass, - And his eyes at times are misty, now are blazing, as they pass, - For his breast with pride is swelling, as the stalwart veterans pass, - Gallant chiefs their swords presenting, trail them proudly as they pass-- - Battle banners, torn and glorious, dip saluting as they pass; - Brazen clangours shake the welkin, as the manly squadrons pass. - Oh, our comrades! gone before us, in the last review to pass, - Never more to earthly chieftain dipping colours as you pass, - Heaven accord you gentle judgment when before the Throne you pass!" - -"About the year 1775 there was a performer named Cervetti in the orchestra -of Drury Lane Theatre, to whom, the gods had given the appropriate name of -Nosey, from his enormous staysail, that helped to carry him before the -wind. 'Nosey!' shouted from the galleries, was the signal, or word of -command, for the fiddlers to strike up. This man was originally an Italian -merchant of good repute; but failing in business, he came over to England, -and adopted music for a profession. He had a notable knack of loud -yawning, with which he sometimes unluckily filled up Garrick's expressive -pauses, to the infinite annoyance of Garrick and the laughter of the -audience. In the summer of 1777 he played at Vauxhall, at the age of -ninety-eight." Upon such another nose was the following lines written: - -THE ROMAN NOSE. - - "That Roman nose! that Roman nose! - Has robbed my bosom of repose; - For when in sleep my eyelids close, - It haunts me still, that Roman nose! - - Between two eyes as black as sloes - The bright and flaming ruby glows: - That Roman nose! that Roman nose! - And beats the blush of damask rose. - - I walk the streets, the alleys, rows; - I look at all the Jems and Joes; - And old and young, and friends and foes, - But cannot find a Roman nose! - - Then blessed be the day I chose - That nasal beauty of my beau's; - And when at last to Heaven I goes, - I hope to spy his Roman nose!" - --_Merrie England._ - -Mrs. Thrale, on her thirty-fifth birthday, remarked to Dr. Johnson, that -no one would send her verses now that she had attained that age, upon -which the Doctor, without the least hesitation, recited the following -lines: - -THIRTY-FIVE. - - "Oft in danger, yet alive, - We are come to thirty-five; - Long may better years arrive, - Better years than thirty-five. - Could philosophers contrive - Life to stop at thirty-five, - Time his hours should never drive - O'er the bounds of thirty-five. - High to soar, and deep to dive, - Nature gives at thirty-five; - Ladies, stock and tend your hive, - Trifle not at thirty-five; - For, howe'er we boast and strive, - Life declines from thirty-five; - He that ever hopes to thrive, - Must begin by thirty-five; - And all who wisely wish to wive, - Must look on Thrale at thirty-five." - -Moore, in his "Life of Sheridan," says that he (Sheridan) "had a sort of -hereditary fancy for difficult trifling in poetry; particularly to that -sort which consists in rhyming to the same word through a long string of -couplets, till every rhyme that the language supplies for it is -exhausted," a task which must have required great patience and -perseverance. Moore quotes some dozen lines entitled "To Anne," wherein a -lady is made to bewail the loss of her trunk, and she thus rhymes her -lamentations: - - "Have you heard, my dear Anne, how my spirits are sunk? - Have you heard of the cause? Oh, the loss of my trunk! - From exertion or firmness I've never yet slunk, - But my fortitude's gone with the loss of my trunk! - Stout Lucy, my maid, is a damsel of spunk, - Yet she weeps night and day for the loss of my trunk! - I'd better turn nun, and coquet with a monk, - For with whom can I flirt without aid from my trunk? - - * * * * * * * - - Accursed be the thief, the old rascally hunks, - Who rifles the fair, and lays hold on their trunks! - He who robs the king's stores of the least bit of junk, - Is hanged--while he's safe who has plundered my trunk! - There's a phrase among lawyers when _nunc_'s put for _tunc_; - But _nunc_ and _tunc_ both, must I grieve for my trunk! - Huge leaves of that great commentator, old Brunck, - Perhaps was the paper that lined my poor trunk!" &c. &c. - -From another of these trifles of Sheridan, Moore gives the following -extracts: - - "Muse, assist me to complain, - While I grieve for Lady Jane; - I ne'er was in so sad a vein, - Deserted now by Lady Jane. - - Lord Petre's house was built by Payne, - No mortal architect made Jane. - If hearts had windows, through the pane - Of mine, you'd see Lady Jane. - - At breakfast I could scarce refrain - From tears at missing Lady Jane; - Nine rolls I ate, in hope to gain - The roll that might have fallen to Jane." - -John Skelton, a poet of the fifteenth century, in great repute as a wit -and satirist, was inordinately fond of writing in lines of three or four -syllables, and also of iteration of rhyme. This perhaps was the cause of -his writing much that was mere doggerel, as this style scarcely admits of -the conveyance of serious sentiment. Occasionally, however, his miniature -lines are interesting, as in this address to Mrs. Margaret Hussey: - - "Merry Margaret, - As midsummer flower, - Gentle as falcon, - Or hawk of the tower, - With solace and gladness, - Much mirth and no madness, - All good and no badness, - So joyously, - So maidenly, - So womanly, - Her demeaning, - In everything - Far, far passing - That I can indite - Or suffice to write - Of merry Margaret, - As midsummer flower, - Gentle as falcon, - Or hawk of the tower." - -The following national pasquinade we find in Egerton Brydges' "Censura -Literaria Restituta," written in commemoration of the failure of Spain by -her Invincible Armada to invade Britain. The iteration of metre is all -that approaches in it to the style of Skelton, of whose verse it is an -imitation: - - "A Skeltonical salutation - Or condign gratulation, - At the just vexation - Of the Spanish nation, - That in a bravado - Spent many a crusado - In setting forth an Armado - England to invado. - Pro cujus memoria - Ye may well be soria, - Full small may be your gloria - When ye shall hear this storia, - Then will ye cry and roria, - We shall see her no moria. - O king of Spaine! - Is it not a paine - To thy hearte and braine, - And every vaine, - To see thy traine - For to sustaine - Withouten gaine, - The world's disdaine; - Which despise - As toies and lies, - With shoutes and cries, - Thy enterprise; - As fitter for pies - And butterflies - Then men so wise? - O waspish king! - Where's now thy sting. - The darts or sling, - Or strong bowstring, - That should us wring, - And under bring? - Who every way - Thee vexe and pay - And beare the sway - By night and day, - To thy dismay - In battle array, - And every fray? - O pufte with pride! - What foolish guide - Made thee provide - To over-ride - This land so wide, - From side to side; - And then untride, - Away to slide, - And not to abide; - But all in a ring - Away to fling?" - &c. &c. - -EPITAPH ON DR. WILLIAM MAGINN. - - "Here, early to bed, lies kind William Maginn, - Who with genius, wit, learning, life's trophies to win, - Had neither great lord, nor rich cit of his kin, - Nor discretion to set himself up as to tin; - So his portion soon spent, like the poor heir of Lynn, - He turned author, ere yet there was beard on his chin; - And whoever was out, or whoever was in, - For your Tories his fine Irish brains he would spin; - Who received prose and verse with a promising grin, - 'Go a-head, you queer fish, and more power to your fin!' - But to save from starvation stirr'd never a pin. - Light for long was his heart, tho' his breeches were thin, - Else his acting, for certain, was equal to Quin: - But at last he was beat, and sought help of the bin: - (All the same to the doctor, from claret to gin!) - Which led swiftly to gaol, with consumption therein. - It was much, when the bones rattled loose in the skin, - He got leave to die here, out of Babylon's din.[8] - Barring drink and the girls, I ne'er heard of a sin,-- - Many worse, better few, than bright, broken Maginn!" - -THE MUSICAL ASS. - - "The fable which I now present, - Occurred to me by accident: - And whether bad or excellent, - Is merely so by accident. - - A stupid ass this morning went - Into a field by accident: - And cropped his food, and was content, - Until he spied by accident - A flute, which some oblivious gent - Had left behind by accident; - When, sniffing it with eager scent, - He breathed on it by accident, - And made the hollow instrument - Emit a sound by accident. - 'Hurrah, hurrah!' exclaimed the brute, - 'How cleverly I play the flute!' - - A fool, in spite of nature's bent, - May shine for once,--by accident." - -The above is a translation from the "Fabulas Litterarias" of Tomaso de -Yriarte (1750-1790). Yriarte conceived the idea of making moral truths the -themes for fables in the style of AEsop, and these he composed in every -variety of verse which seemed at all suitable. Even when the leading idea -presents no remarkable incident, Yriarte's fables please by their -simplicity. - -BOXIANA. - - "I hate the very name of box; - It fills me full of fears; - It minds me of the woes I've felt - Since I was young in years. - - They sent me to a Yorkshire school, - Where I had many knocks; - For there my schoolmates box'd my ears, - Because I could not box. - - I packed my box; I picked the locks, - And ran away to sea; - And very soon I learnt to box - The compass merrily. - - I came ashore; I called a coach - And mounted on the box: - The coach upset against a post, - And gave me dreadful knocks. - - I soon got well; in love I fell, - And married Martha Box; - To please her will, at famed Box Hill - I took a country box. - - I had a pretty garden there, - All bordered round with box; - But ah! alas! there lived next door - A certain Captain Knox. - - He took my wife to see the play;-- - They had a private box: - I jealous grew, and from that day - I hated Captain Knox. - - I sold my house; I left my wife; - And went to Lawyer Fox, - Who tempted me to seek redress - All from a jury-box. - - I went to law, whose greedy maw - Soon emptied my strong box; - I lost my suit, and cash to boot, - All through that crafty Fox. - - The name of box I therefore dread, - I've had so many shocks; - They'll never end; for when I'm dead - They'll nail me in a box." - -THE RULING POWER. - - "Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! - Bright and yellow, hard and cold, - Molten, graven, hammered, and rolled; - Heavy to get, and light to hold; - Hoarded, bartered, bought and sold, - Stolen, borrowed, squandered, doled; - Spurned by the young, but hugged by the old, - To the very verge of the churchyard mould; - Price of many a crime untold; - Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! - Good or bad, a thousandfold!" - --_T. Hood._ - -NAHUM FAY ON THE LOSS OF HIS WIFE. - - "Just eighteen years ago this day, - Attired in all her best array-- - For she was airy, young, and gay, - And loved to make a grand display, - While I the charges would defray-- - My _Cara Sposa_ went astray; - By night eloping in a sleigh, - With one whose name begins with J, - Resolved with me she would not stay, - And be subjected to my sway; - Because I wish'd her to obey, - Without reluctance or delay, - And never interpose her nay, - Nor any secrets e'er betray. - But wives will sometimes have their way, - And cause, if possible, a fray; - Then who so obstinate as they? - She therefore left my house for aye, - Before my hairs had turned to gray, - Or I'd sustained the least decay, - Which caused at first some slight dismay: - For I considered it foul play. - Now where she's gone I cannot say, - For I've not seen her since the day - When Johnston took her in his sleigh, - To his seductive arts a prey, - And posted off to Canada. - Now when her conduct I survey, - And in the scale of justice weigh, - Who blames me, if I do inveigh - Against her to my dying day? - But live as long as live I may, - I've always purposed not to pay - (Contract whatever debts she may) - A shilling for her; but I pray - That when her body turns to clay, - If mourning friends should her convey - To yonder graveyard, they'll not lay - Her body near to Nahum Fay." - -THE RADENOVITCH. - -A SONG OF A NEW DANCE. - - "Are you anxious to bewitch? - You must learn the Radenovitch! - Would you gain of fame a niche? - You must dance the Radenovitch! - 'Mong the noble and the rich, - All the go's the Radenovitch! - It has got to such a pitch, - All must dance the Radenovitch! - If without a flaw or hitch - You can dance the Radenovitch, - Though you've risen from the ditch - (Yet have learned the Radenovitch), - You'll get on without a hitch, - Dancing of the Radenovitch. - If for glory you've an itch, - Learn to dance the Radenovitch; - And, though corns may burn and twitch, - While you foot the Radenovitch; - In your side though you've a stitch, - All along o' the Radenovitch, - You will gain an eminence which - You will owe the Radenovitch! - Therefore let the Maitre's switch - Teach your toes the Radenovitch!" - -FOOTMAN JOE. - - "Would you see a man that's slow? - Come and see our footman Joe: - Most unlike the bounding roe, - Or an arrow from a bow, - Or the flight direct of crow, - Is the pace of footman Joe; - Crabs that hobble to and fro, - In their motions copy Joe. - Snails, contemptuous as they go, - Look behind and laugh at Joe. - An acre any man may mow, - Ere across it crawleth Joe. - Trip on light fantastic toe, - Ye that tripping like, for Joe; - Measured steps of solemn woe - Better suit with solid Joe. - Danube, Severn, Trent, and Po, - Backward to their source will flow - Ere despatch be made by Joe. - Letters to a Plenipo - Send not by our footman Joe. - Would you Job's full merit know, - Ring the bell, and wait for Joe; - Whether it be king or no, - 'Tis just alike to lazy Joe. - Legal process none can show, - If your lawyer move like Joe. - Death, at last, our common foe, - Must trip up the heels of Joe; - And a stone shall tell--'Below, - Hardly changed, still sleepeth Joe. - Loud shall the final trumpet blow, - But the last corner will be Joe!'" - --_G. Hebert._ - -TO A LADY - -WHO ASKED FOR A POEM OF NINETY LINES. - - "Task a horse beyond his strength - And the horse will fail at length; - Whip a dog, the poor dog whines-- - Yet you ask for ninety lines. - - Though you give me ninety quills, - Built me ninety paper-mills, - Showed me ninety inky Rhines, - I could not write ninety lines. - - Ninety miles I'd walk for you, - Till my feet were black and blue; - Climb high hills, and dig deep mines, - But I can't write ninety lines. - - Though my thoughts were thick as showers, - Plentiful as summer flowers, - Clustering like Italian vines, - I could not write ninety lines. - - When you have drunk up the sea, - Floated ships in cups of tea, - Plucked the sun from where it shines, - Then I'll write you ninety lines. - - Even the bard who lives on rhyme, - Teaching silly words to chime, - Seldom sleeps, and never dines,-- - He could scarce write ninety lines. - - Well you know my love is such, - You could never ask too much; - Yet even love itself declines - Such a work as ninety lines. - - Though you frowned with ninety frowns, - Bribed me with twice ninety towns, - Offered me the starry signs, - I could not write ninety lines. - - Many a deed I've boldly done - Since my race of life begun; - But my spirit peaks and pines - When it thinks of ninety lines. - - Long I hope for thee and me - Will our lease of this world be; - But though hope our fate entwines, - Death will come ere ninety lines. - - Ninety songs the birds will sing, - Ninety beads the child will string; - But his life the poet tines, - If he aims at ninety lines. - - Ask me for a thousand pounds, - Ask me for my house and grounds; - Levy all my wealth in fines, - But don't ask for ninety lines. - - I have ate of every dish-- - Flesh of beast, and bird, and fish; - Briskets, fillets, knuckles, chines, - But eating won't make ninety lines. - - I have drunk of every cup, - Till I drank whole vineyards up; - German, French, and Spanish wines, - But drinking won't make ninety lines. - - Since, then, you have used me so, - To the Holy Land I'll go; - And at all the holy shrines - I shall pray for ninety lines. - - Ninety times a long farewell, - All my love I could not tell, - Though 'twas multiplied by nines, - Ninety times these ninety lines." - --_H. G. Bell._ - -We give the following curious old ballad a place here, not only on account -of the iteration of rhyme, but also as the original of the macaronic -verses on p. 95: - -THE WIG AND THE HAT. - - "The elderly gentleman's here, - With his cane, his wig, and his hat; - A good-humoured man all declare, - But then he's o'erloaded with fat. - - By the side of a murmuring stream - This elderly gentleman sat - On the top of his head was his wig, - And a-top of his wig was his hat. - - The wind it blew high and blew strong, - As this elderly gentleman sat, - And bore front his head in a trice - And plunged in the river his hat. - - The gentleman then took his cane, - Which lay on his lap as he sat, - And dropped in the river his wig - In attempting to get out his hat. - - Cool reflection at length came across, - While this elderly gentleman sat; - So he thought he would follow the stream, - And look for his fine wig and hat. - - His breast it grew cold with despair, - And full in his eye madness sat; - So he flung in the river his cane, - To swim with his wig and his hat. - - His head, being thicker than common, - O'er-balanced the rest of his fat, - And in plunged this son of a woman - To follow his wig, cane, and hat. - - A Newfoundland dog was at hand-- - No circumstance could be more pat-- - The old man he brought safe to land, - Then fetched out his wig, cane, and hat. - - The gentleman, dripping and cold, - Seem'd much like a half-drowned rat, - But praised his deliverer so bold, - Then adjusted his cane, wig, and hat. - - Now homeward the gentleman hied, - But neither could wear wig or hat; - The dog followed close at his side, - Fawn'd, waggled his tail, and all that. - - The gentleman, filled with delight, - The dog's master hastily sought; - Two guineas set all things to right, - For that sum his true friend he bought. - - From him the dog never would part, - But lived much caressed for some years; - Till levelled by Death's fatal dart, - When the gentleman shed many tears. - - Then buried poor Tray in the Green. - And placed o'er the grave a small stone, - Whereon a few lines may be seen, - Expressive of what he had done." - - - - -_ANAGRAMS._ - - -Anagrams are curious and frequently clever examples of formal literary -trifling. Camden, in his "Remains," gave to the world a treatise showing -that in his day anagrams were endowed with an undue and superstitious -importance, being regarded as nothing less than the occult and mysterious -finger of Fate, revealed in the names of men. - -"The only quintessence," says this old writer, "that hitherto the alchemy -of wit could draw out of names, is _anagrammatisme_ or _metagrammatisme_, -which is the dissolution of a name, truly written, into the letters as its -elements, and a new connection of it by artificial transposition, without -addition, subtraction, or change of any letter, into different words, -making some perfect sense applicable to the person named." Precise -anagrammatists adhere strictly to these rules, with the exception of -omitting or retaining the letter _h_ according to their convenience, -alleging that _h_ cannot claim the rights of a letter; others, again, -think it no injury sometimes to use _e_ for _ae_, _v_ for _w_, _s_ for _z_, -_c_ for _k_, and contrariwise, and several of the instances which follow -will be found variously imperfect. Camden calls the charming difficulty of -making an anagram, "the whetstone of patience to them that shall practise -it; for some have been seen to bite their pen, scratch their head, bend -their brows, bite their lips, beat the board, tear their paper, when the -names were fair for somewhat, and caught nothing therein,--yet, -notwithstanding the sour sort of critics, good anagrams yield a delightful -comfort and pleasant motion to honest minds." - -Camden places the origin of the anagram as far back as the time of Moses, -and conjectures that it may have had some share in the mystical -traditions, afterwards called the "Cabala," communicated by the Jewish -lawgiver. One part of the art of the cabalists lay in what they called -_themuru_--that is, changing--or finding the hidden and mystical meaning -in names, which they did by transposing and fantastically combining the -letters in those names. Thus of the letters of Noah's name in Hebrew they -made _Grace_, and of the Messiah's _He shall rejoice_. Whether the above -origin be theoretical or not, the anagram can be traced to the age of -Lycophron, a Greek writer, who flourished about 300 B.C. - -Among the moderns, the French have most cultivated the anagram. Camden -says: "They exceedingly admire the anagram, for the deep and far-fetched -antiquity and mystical meaning therein. In the reign of Francis the First -(when learning began to revive), they began to distil their wits therein." -There is a curious anecdote of an anagrammatist who presented a king of -France with the two following upon his name of Bourbon: - - Borbonius, Borbonius, - _Bonus orbi_; or _Orbus boni_; - -That is, "Bourbon good to the world;" or "Bourbon destitute of good;" -while on another celebrated Frenchman we have-- - - Voltaire, - _O alte vir_. - -Southey, in his "Doctor," says that "anagrams are not likely ever again to -hold so high a place among the prevalent pursuits of literature as they -did in the seventeenth century. But no person," he continues, "will ever -hit upon an apt one without feeling that degree of pleasure with which any -odd coincidence is remarked." In that century, indeed, the artifice -appears to have become the fashionable literary passion of the day--the -amusement of the learned and the wise, who sought - - "To purchase fame, - In keen iambics and mild anagram." - -While Andreas Rudiger was yet a student at college, and intending to -become a physician, he one day pulled the Latinised form of his name to -pieces, Andreas Rudigeras, and borrowing an _i_, transposed it into _Arare -Rus Dei Dignus_ ("Worthy to cultivate the land of God"). He fancied from -this that he had a divine call to become an ecclesiastic, and thereupon -gave up the study of medicine for theology. Soon after, Rudiger became -tutor in the family of the philosopher Thomasius, who one day told him -"that he would greatly benefit the journey of his life by turning it -towards physic." Rudiger confessed that his tastes lay rather in that -direction than to theology, but having looked upon the anagram of his name -as an indication of a divine call, he had not dared to turn away from -theology. "How simple you have been," replied Thomasius; "it is just that -very anagram which calls you towards medicine--'_Rus Dei_,' the land of -God (God's acre), what is that but the cemetery--and who labours so -bravely for the cemetery as a physician does?" Rudiger could not resist -this, returned to medicine, and became famous as a physician. - -An anagram on Monk, afterwards Duke of Albemarle on the restoration of -Charles II., forms also a chronogram, including the date of the event it -records-- - - Georgius Monke, Dux de Aumarle-- - _Ego Regem reduxi, anno sa_ MDCLVV. - -In this anagram the _c_ takes the place of the _k_. - -The old Puritan biographer, Cotton Mather, claims for John Wilson--the -subject of one of his lives--the kingship of anagrammatising. "Of all the -anagrammatisers," he says in the third book of his "Magnalia Christi -Americana," "that have been trying their fancies for the 2000 years that -have run out since the days of Lycophron, or the more than 5000 since the -days of our first father, I believe there never was a man that made so -many, or so nimbly, as our Mr. Wilson; who, together with his quick turns -upon the names of his friends, would ordinarily _fetch_, and rather than -_lose_, would even _force_, devout instructions out of his anagrams. As -one, upon hearing my father (Increase Mather) preach, Mr. Wilson -immediately gave him that anagram upon his name 'Crescentius Matherus,' -_Eu! Christus Merces Tua_ (Lo! Christ is thy reward). There would scarcely -occur the name of any remarkable person without an anagram raised -thereupon." - -This said John Wilson "forced instruction" out of his own name--first -rendering it into Latin, Johannes Wilsonus, he found this anagram in it, -"_In uno Jesu nos salvi_" (We are saved in one Jesus). This mode of -Latinising names was common enough among those who liked this literary -folly; thus we have Sir Robert Viner, or Robertus Vinerus, rendered "_Vir -Bonus et Rarus_" (a good and rare man). The disciples of Descartes made a -perfect anagram upon the Latinised name of their master, "Renatus -Cartesius," one which not only takes up every letter, but which also -expresses their opinion of that master's speciality--"_Tu scis res -naturae_" (Thou knowest the things of nature). - -Pierre de St. Louis became a Carmelite monk on discovering that his name -yielded a direction to that effect: - - Ludovicus Bartelemi-- - _Carmelo se devolvit_. - -And, in the seventeenth century, Andre Pujom, finding that his name -spelled _Pendu a Riom_, fulfilled his destiny by cutting somebody's throat -in Auvergne, and was actually hung at Riom, the seat of justice in that -province. - -Occasionally when the anagram of a name did not make sense, there was -added a rhyme to bring out a meaning. Thus, in a sermon preached by Dr. -Edward Reynolds upon Peter Whalley, and entitled "Death's Advantage," -every letter of the name is to be found in the first line of this verse: - - "_They reap well_, - That Heaven obtain; - Who sow like thee, - Ne'er sow in vain." - -In this sermon Peter Whalley is also anagrammatised into _A Whyte -Perle_--this would not be a bad one, if orthography were of as little -consequence as many of the old triflers in this way used to account it. - -We read that when Alexander the Great was baffled before the walls of -Tyre, and was about to raise the siege, he had a dream wherein he saw a -satyr leaping about and trying to seize him. He consulted his sages, who -read in the word Satyrus (the Greek for satyr), "_Sa Tyrus_"--"Tyre is -thine!" Encouraged by this interpretation, Alexander made another assault -and carried the city. - -In a "New Help to Discourse" (London, 1684), there is one with a very -quaint exposition: - -TOAST--A SOTT. - - "A _toast_ is like _a sot_; or what is most - Comparative, _a sot_ is like a _toast_; - For when their substances in liquor sink, - Both properly are said to be in drink." - -It will be seen, however, that anagrams have chiefly been made upon proper -names, and a reversing of their letters may sometimes pay the owner a -compliment; as of the poet Waller: - - "His brows with laurel need not to be bound, - Since in his _name_ with _laurel_ he is crowned." - -George Thompson, the well-known anti-slavery advocate, was at one time -solicited to go into parliament for the more efficient serving of the -cause he had so much at heart. The question whether he would comply with -this request or not was submitted to his friends, and one of them gave the -following for answer: - - George Thompson, - _O go, the Negro's M.P._! - -This clever instance was given in "Notes and Queries" a short time ago: - - Thomas Carlyle, - _A calm holy rest_. - -The following are additional instances. - - Sir Francis Bacon, Lord Keeper-- - _Is born and elect for a rich speaker_. - -When, at the General Peace of 1814, Prussia absorbed a portion of Saxony, -the king issued a new coinage of rix dollars, with their German name, _Ein -Reichstahler_, impressed on them. The Saxons, by dividing the word, _Ein -Reich stahl er_, made a sentence of which the meaning is, "He stole a -kingdom!" - -A good one is-- - - Henry John Templeton, Viscount Palmerston, - _Only the Tiverton M.P. can help in our mess_. - -If we take from the words, _La Revolution Francaise_, the word _veto_, -known as the first prerogative of Louis XIV., the remaining letters will -form "_Un Corse la finira_"--_A Corsican shall end it_, and this may be -regarded as an extraordinary coincidence, if nothing more. Many anagrams -were made upon the name of Napoleon by superstitious persons, as-- - - Napoleon Bonaparte {_Bona rapta, leno, pone._ - {_No, appear not at Elba._ - - Louis Napoleon Bonaparte. - _Arouse, Albion, an open plot._ - -A very apt anagram is the one founded upon--Sir Edmundbury Godfrey, _I -find murdered by rogues_. - -EVIL. - - "If you transpose what ladies wear, _Veil._ - 'Twill plainly show what bad folks are; _Vile._ - Again if you transpose the same, - You'll see an ancient Hebrew name; _Levi._ - Change it again, and it will show - What all on earth desire to do; _Live._ - Transpose the letters yet once more, - What bad men do you'll then explore." _Evil._ - -The following are very apposite-- - - Sir Robert Peel, - _Terrible Poser_. - Christianity, - _It's in charity_. - Poorhouse, - _O sour hope_. - Soldiers, - _Lo! I dress_. - Notes and Queries, - _A question sender_. - Solemnity, - _Yes, Milton_. - Determination, - _I mean to rend it_. - Elegant, - _Neat leg_. - Matrimony, - _Into my arm_. - Misanthrope, - _Spare him not_. - Radical reform, - _Rare mad frolic_. - Melodrama, - _Made moral_. - Arthur Wellesley, - _Truly he'll see war_. - The Field Marshall the Duke, - _The Duke shall arm the field_. - Monarch, - _March on_. - Charades, - _Hard case_. - David Livingstone, - _Go (D. V.) and visit the Nile_. - Stones, - _Notes_. - - - - -_THE ACROSTIC._ - - -Acrostic is the Greek name given to a poem the first letters of the lines -in which taken together form a complete word or sentence, but most -frequently a name. The invention of this kind of composition cannot be -traced to any particular individual, but it is believed to have originated -on the decline of pure classic literature. The early French poets, from -the time of Francis I. to that of Louis XIV., practised it, but it was -carried to its greatest perfection by the Elizabethan poets. Sir John -Davies has no fewer than twenty-six poems entitled "Hymns to Astraea," -every one of which is an acrostic on the words, "Elizabetha Regina." -Traces of something akin are to be found in the poetry of the Jews,--for -example, the 119th Psalm,--and also in the Greek "Anthology." Here it may -be noted that in Greek the word _Adam_ is compounded of the initial -letters of the four cardinal points: - - Arktos = north, - Dusis = west, - Anatole = east, - Mesembria = south; - -and that the Hebrew word, ADM forms the acrostic of A[dam], D[avid], -M[essiah]. - -It is hardly necessary to give many specimens of this kind of literary -composition in these days, since there are so many periodicals continually -giving acrostics and relative verses, and a very few instances may -suffice. The following old verses were originally written in a copy of -Parkhurst's poems presented by the author to Thomas Buttes, who himself -wrote this acrostic on his own name: - - "_T_he longer lyfe that man on earth enjoyes, - _H_is God so much the more hee dooth offende; - _O_ffending God, no doubt, mannes soule destroyes; - _M_annes soule destroyed, his torments have no ende; - _A_nd endles torments sinners must endure, - _S_ith synne Gods wrath agaynst us doth procure. - - _B_eware, therefore, O wretched sinfull Wight, - _U_se well thy toongue, doo well, think not amysse; - _T_o God praye thou to guyde thee by his spright, - _T_hat thou mayest treade the path of perfect blisse. - _E_mbrace thou Christe, by faythe and fervent love, - _S_o shalt thou reyne with hym in heaven above. - - Thomas Buttes - havying the first letter of everie lyne - begynnyng with a letter of his name." - -A SONG OF REJOYSING FOR THE PROSPEROUS REIGNE OF OUR MOST GRATIOUS -SOVERAIGNE LADY, QUEENE ELIZABETH. - - "G Geve laude unto the Lorde, - And prayse His holy name - O O let us all with one accorde - Now magnifie the same - D Due thanks unto Him yeeld - Who evermore hath beene - - S So strong defence buckler and shielde - To our most Royall Queene. - A And as for her this daie - Each where about us rounde - V Up to the skie right solemnelie - The bells doe make a sounde - E Even so let us rejoice - Before the Lord our King - - T To him let us now frame our voyce - With chearefull hearts to sing. - H Her Majesties intent - By thy good grace and will - E Ever O Lorde hath bene most bent - Thy lawe for to fulfil - - Q Quite Thou that loving minde - With love to her agayne - U Unto her as Thou hast beene kinde - O Lord so still remaine. - E Extende Thy mightie hand - Against her mortall foes - E Expresse and shewe that Thou wilt stand - With her against all those - N Nigh unto her abide - Upholde her scepter strong - E Eke graunt us with a joyfull guide - She may continue long. - Amen." - -The next is from Planche's "Songs and Poems:" - -TO BEATRICE. - - "_B_eauty to claim, amongst the fairest place, - _E_nchanting manner, unaffected grace, - _A_rch without malice, merry but still wise, - _T_ruth ever on her lips as in her eyes; - _R_eticent not from sullenness or pride, - _I_ntensity of feeling but to hide; - _C_an any doubt such being there may be? - _E_ach line I pen, points, matchless maid, to thee!" - -Mdlle. Rachel was the recipient of the most delicate compliment the -acrostic has ever been employed to convey. A diadem was presented to her, -so arranged that the initial of the name of each stone was also the -initial of one of her principal _roles_, and in their order formed her -name-- - - _R_uby, _R_oxana, - _A_methyst, _A_menaide, - _C_ornelian, _C_amille, - _H_ematite, _H_ermione, - _E_merald, _E_milie, - _L_apis lazuli, _L_aodice. - -The following is an ingenious combination of acrostic and telestic -combined: - - "_U_nite and untie are the same--so say yo_u_ - _N_ot in wedlock, I ween, has the unity bee_n_ - _I_n the drama of marriage, each wandering gou_t_ - _T_o a new face would fly--all except you and _I_ - _E_ach seeking to alter the _spell_ in their scen_e_." - -Edgar A. Poe was the author of a complicated poem of this class, in which -the first letter in the lady's name is the first in the first line; the -second, second in the second line; the third, third in the third line, and -so on-- - -A VALENTINE. - -(_Frances Sargent Osgood._) - - "For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes, - Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda, - Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies - Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader. - Search narrowly the lines!--they hold a treasure - Divine--a talisman--an amulet - That must be worn _at heart_. Search well the measure-- - The words--the syllables! Do not forget - The trivialest point, or you may lose your labour! - And yet there is in this no Gordian knot - Which one might not undo without a sabre, - If one could merely comprehend the plot. - Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering - Eye's scintillating soul, there lie _perdus_ - Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing - Of poets by poets--as the name is a poet's, too, - Its letters, although naturally lying - Like the Knight Pinto--Mendez Ferdinando-- - Still form a synonym for Truth. Cease trying! - You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you _can_ do!" - - - - -_ALLITERATIVE AND ALPHABETIC VERSE._ - - -There are some clever lines which illustrate this style on the Bunker Hill -Monument celebration: - - "Americans arrayed and armed attend - Beside battalions bold, bright beauties blend, - Chiefs, clergy, citizens, conglomerate,-- - Detesting despots,--daring deeds debate; - Each eye emblazoned ensigns entertain,-- - Flourishing from far, fan freedom's flame. - Guards greeting guards grown gray,--guest greeting guest. - High-minded heroes hither homeward haste, - Ingenuous juniors join in jubilee, - Kith kenning kin, kind knowing kindred key. - Lo, lengthened lines lend Liberty liege love, - Mixed masses, marshalled, Monumentward move. - Note noble navies near--no novel notion - Oft our oppressors overawed old Ocean; - Presumptuous princes pristine patriots paled, - Queen's quarrel questing quotas, quondam quailed. - Rebellion roused, revolting ramparts rose. - Stout spirits, smiting servile soldiers, strove. - These thrilling themes, to thousands truly told, - Usurpers' unjust usages unfold. - Victorious vassals, vauntings vainly veiled, - Where, whilesince, Webster warlike Warren wailed. - 'Xcuse 'xpletives, 'xtra queer 'xpressed, - Yielding Yankee yeomen Zest." - -PRINCE CHARLES AFTER CULLODEN. - - "All ardent acts affright an age abased - By brutal broils, by braggart bravery braced. - Craft's cankered courage changed Culloden's cry; - 'Deal deep' deposed 'deal death'--'decoy'--'defy!' - Enough. Ere envy enters England's eyes, - Fancy's false future fades, for Fortune flies. - Gaunt, gloomy, guarded, grappling giant griefs, - Here hunted hard, his harassed heart he heaves; - In impious ire incessant ills invests, - Judging Jove's jealous judgments, jaundiced jests! - Kneel kirtled knight! keep keener kingcraft known, - Let larger lore life's levelling lesson's loan; - Marauders must meet malefactors' meeds. - No nation noisy nonconformists needs. - O, oracles of old! our orb ordain - Peace's possession--Plenty's palmy plain! - Quiet Quixotic quests; quell quarrelling; - Rebuke red riot's resonant rifle ring. - Slumber seems strangely sweet since silence smote - The threatening thunders throbbing through their throat. - Usurper! under uniform unwont - Vail valour's vaguest venture, vainest vaunt. - Well wot we which were wise. War's wildfire won - Ximenes, Xerxes, Xavier, Xenophon: - Yet you, ye yearning youth, your young years yield - Zuinglius' zealous zest--Zinzendorf Zion-zealed." - -AN ANIMAL ALPHABET. - - "Alligator, beetle, porcupine, whale, - Bobolink, panther, dragon-fly, snail, - Crocodile, monkey, buffalo, hare, - Dromedary, leopard, mud-turtle, bear, - Elephant, badger, pelican, ox, - Flying-fish, reindeer, anaconda, fox, - Guinea-pig, dolphin, antelope, goose, - Humming-bird, weasel, pickerel, moose, - Ibex, rhinoceros, owl, kangaroo, - Jackal, opossum, toad, cockatoo, - Kingfisher, peacock, anteater, bat, - Lizard, ichneumon, honey-bee, rat, - Mocking-bird, camel, grasshopper, mouse, - Nightingale, spider, cuttle-fish, grouse, - Ocelot, pheasant, wolverine, auk, - Periwininkle, ermine, katydid, hawk, - Quail, hippopotamus, armadillo, moth, - Rattlesnake, lion, woodpecker, sloth, - Salamander, goldfinch, angleworm, dog, - Tiger, flamingo, scorpion, frog, - Unicorn, ostrich, nautilus, mole, - Viper, gorilla, basilisk, sole, - Whippoorwill, beaver, centipede, fawn, - Xantho, canary, polliwog, swan, - Yellowhammer, eagle, hyena, lark, - Zebra, chameleon, butterfly, shark." - -Of affected alliteration as used by modern poets, there is a very good -imitation of Swinburne's style in Bayard Taylor's "Diversions of the Echo -Club,"[9] where Galahad chants "in rare and rhythmic redundancy, the -viciousness of virtue:" - -THE LAY OF MACARONI. - - "As a wave that steals when the winds are stormy - From creek to cove of the curving shore, - Buffeted, blown, and broken before me, - Scattered and spread to its sunlit core. - As a dove that dips in the dark of maples, - To sip the sweetness of shelter and shade, - I kneel in thy nimbus, O noon of Naples, - I bathe in thine beauty, by thee embayed. - - What is it ails me that I should sing of her? - The queen of the flashes and flames that were! - Yea, I have felt the shuddering sting of her, - The flower-sweet throat and the hands of her! - I have swayed and sung to the sound of her psalters, - I have danced her dances of dizzy delight, - I have hallowed mine hair to the horns of her altars, - Between the nightingale's song and the night! - - What is it, Queen, that now I should do for thee? - What is it now I should ask at thine hands? - Blow of the trumpets thine children once blew for thee - Break from thine feet and thine bosom the bands? - Nay, as sweet as the songs of Leone Leoni, - And gay as her garments of gem-sprinkled gold, - She gives me mellifluous, mild macaroni, - The choice of her children when cheeses are old! - - And over me hover, as if by the wings of it, - Frayed in the furnace by flame that is fleet, - The curious coils and the strenuous strings of it, - Dropping, diminishing down, as I eat; - Lo! and the beautiful Queen, as she brings of it, - Lifts me the links of the limitless chain, - Bidding mine mouth chant the splendidest things of it, - Out of the wealth of my wonderful brain! - - Behold! I have done it; my stomach is smitten - With sweets of the surfeit her hands have enrolled. - Italia, mine cheeks with thine kisses are bitten: - I am broken with beauty, stabbed, slaughtered, and sold! - No man of thy millions is more macaronied, - Save mighty Mazzini, than musical Me: - The souls of the Ages shall stand as astonied, - And faint in the flame I am fanning for thee!" - -The above reminds of the anecdote told of Mrs. Crawford, who is said to -have written one line of her "Kathleen Mavourneen," on purpose to confound -the Cockney warblers, who would sing it-- - - "The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill;" - -and again, in Moore's "Ballad Stanzas": - - "If there's peace to be found in the world, - A 'eart that was 'umble might 'ope for it 'ere!" - -Or-- - - "Ha helephant heasily heats hat his hease - Hunder humbrageous humbrella trees!" - -In the number of "Society" for April 23, 1881, there appeared several -excellent specimens of alliterative verse, in compliance with a -competition instituted by that paper for certain prizes--the selected -verses all begin with the letter _b_: - - "Bloom, beauteous blossoms, budding bowers beneath! - Behold, Boreas' bitter blast by brief - Bright beams becalmed; balmy breezes breathe, - Banishing blight, bring bliss beyond belief. - - Build, bonny birds! By bending birchen bough, - By bush, by beech, by buttressed branches bare, - By bluebell-brightened bramble-brake; bestow - Bespeckled broods; but bold bad boys beware! - - Babble, blithe brooklet! Barren borders breach, - Bathe broomy banks, bright buttercups bedew, - Briskly by bridge, by beetling bluff, by beach, - Beckoned by bravely bounding billows blue!" - --_Sir Patrick Fells._ - - "Brimming brooklets bubble, - Buoyant breezes blow, - Baby-billows breaking - Bashfully below. - - Blossom-burdened branches, - Briared banks betide, - Bright bewitching bluebells - Blooming bend beside. - - But beyond be breakers, - Bare blasts brooding black, - Bitterly bemoaning - Broken barks borne back." - --_A. M. Morgan._ - - "Beverage by bibbers blest, - Balmy beer--bewitching bane, - British brewings, boasted best, - Blunting Bacchus' brandied brain. - Bonny bumpers brimmed by beads, - Barley-born, bring blind relief, - Bubbling Bass-brewed Burton breed - Bland beguilement, bright but brief. - Bar-bought beer--bah! bitter brine-- - Barrel-broaching braves, beware! - Bid Bavaria, benign, - Better brews bold Britons bear." - --_W. H. Evans._ - -Mr. Swinburne, of whose style there has been given an imitation, is not -the only poet who is prone to alliteration--in fact, all poets are given -more or less to it, though not to the same extent. When used excessively -it is as disagreeable as any other excess, yet its occasional use -unquestionably adds to grace and style. - -Pope says on this point in the following lines, which are also -alliterative-- - - "'Tis not enough no harshness gives offence, - The sound must seem an echo to the sense. - Soft is the strain when zephyr gently blows, - And the smooth stream in smoother numbers flows; - But when loud surges lash the sounding shore, - The hoarse rough verse should like the torrent roar." - -We find this example in Tennyson: - - "The splendour falls on castle walls, - And snowy summits old in story; - The long light shakes across the lakes, - And the wild cataract leaps in glory. - Blow, bugle, blow, set the wild echoes flying; - Blow, bugle; answer, echoes, dying, dying, dying." - -Crabbe also used this ornament profusely, as: - - "Then 'cross the bounding brook they make their way - O'er its rough bridge, and there behold the bay; - The ocean smiling to the fervid sun, - The waves that faintly fall and slowly run, - The ships at distance, and the boats at hand, - And now they walk upon the seaside sand, - Counting the number, and what kind they be, - Ships softly sinking in the sleepy sea." - -Take also this from Shelley's "Ode to a Skylark:" - - "Teach me half the gladness - That my brain must know, - Such harmonious madness - From my lips would flow, - The world should listen then, as I am listening now. - - * * * * * - - Waking or asleep, - Thou of death must deem - Things more true and deep - Than we mortals dream, - Or how could thy notes flow in such a crystal stream?" - -In the numbers of "Truth" for November 1881, there appeared a variety of -excellent examples of alphabetic verses in the course of a competition, -and of these there follows one: - -A YACHT ALPHABET. - - "A was the Anchor which held fast our ship; - B was the Boatswain, with whistle to lip; - C was the Captain, who took the command; - D was the Doctor, with physic at hand; - E was the Euchre we played on the quiet; - F was the Fellow who kicked up a riot; - G was the Girl who was always so ill; - H was the Hammock from which I'd a spill - I was the Iceberg we passed on our way; - J was the Jersey I wore all the day; - K was the Keel, which was stuck on the shore; - L was the Lubber we all thought a bore; - M was the Mate, no one better I'd wish; - N was the Net in which I caught a fish; - O was the Oar which I broke--'twas so weak; - P was the Pennon which flew at our peak; - Q was the Quoit which was made out of rope; - R was the Rat which would eat all our soap; - S was the Sailor who got very tight; - T was the Tempest which came on one night; - U was the Uproar the night of the storm; - V was the Vessel we spoke in due form; - W's the Watch which the crew kept in turn; - X was Xantippe, whom each one did spurn; - Y was our Yacht, which flew through the foam; - Z was the Zany who wouldn't leave home." - - - - -_NONSENSE VERSE._ - - -The following lines have been kindly sent us by Professor E. H. Palmer, -who wrote them after a cruise on a friend's yacht, and are an abortive -attempt to get up a knowledge of nautical terms. - -THE SHIPWRECK. - - "Upon the poop the captain stands, - As starboard as may be; - And pipes on deck the topsail hands - To reef the top-sail-gallant strands - Across the briny sea. - - 'Ho! splice the anchor under-weigh!' - The captain loudly cried; - 'Ho! lubbers brave, belay! belay! - For we must luff for Falmouth Bay - Before to-morrow's tide.' - - The good ship was a racing yawl, - A spare-rigged schooner sloop, - Athwart the bows the taffrails all - In grummets gay appeared to fall, - To deck the mainsail poop. - - But ere they made the Foreland Light, - And Deal was left behind; - The wind it blew great gales that night, - And blew the doughty captain tight, - Full three sheets in the wind. - - And right across the tiller head - The horse it ran apace, - Whereon a traveller hitched and sped - Along the jib and vanished - To heave the trysail brace. - - What ship could live in such a sea! - What vessel bear the shock? - 'Ho! starboard port your helm-a-lee! - Ho! reef the maintop-gallant-tree, - With many a running block!' - - And right upon the Scilly Isles - The ship had run aground; - When lo! the stalwart Captain Giles - Mounts up upon the gaff and smiles, - And slews the compass round. - - 'Saved! saved!' with joy the sailors cry, - And scandalise the skiff; - As taut and hoisted high and dry - They see the ship unstoppered lie - Upon the sea-girt cliff. - - And since that day in Falmouth Bay, - As herring-fishers trawl, - The younkers hear the boatswains say - How Captain Giles that awful day - Preserved the sinking yawl." - -Mr. Charles G. Leland sends the following, with the remark that he thinks -the lines "the finest and daintiest nonsense" he ever read: - - "Thy heart is like some icy lake, - On whose cold brink I stand; - Oh, buckle on my spirit's skate, - And lead, thou living saint, the way - To where the ice is thin-- - That it may break beneath my feet - And let a lover in!" - -A short time ago in the new series of _Household Words_, a prize was -offered for the writing of Nonsense Verses of eight lines. Of the lines -sent in by the competitors we give three specimens: - - "How many strive to force a way - Where none can go save those who pay, - To verdant plains of soft delight - The homage of the silent night, - When countless stars from pole to pole - Around the earth unceasing roll - In roseate shadow's silvery hue, - Shine forth and gild the morning dew." - --_Arym._ - - "And must we really part for good, - But meet again here where we've stood? - No more delightful trysting-place, - We've watched sweet Nature's smiling face. - No more the landscape's lovely brow, - Exchange our mutual breathing vow. - Then should the twilight draw around - No loving interchange of sound." - --_Culver._ - - "Less for renown than innate love, - These to my wish must recreant prove; - Nor whilst an impulse here remain, - Can ever hope the soul to gain; - For memory scanning all the past, - Relaxes her firm bonds at last, - And gives to candour all the grace - The heart can in its temple trace." - --_Dum Spiro Spero._ - -The curious style of some versifiers has been well imitated in the -following - -BALLAD OF THE PERIOD. - - "An auld wife sat at her ivied door - (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); - A thing she had frequently done before; - And her knitting reposed on her aproned knees. - - The piper he piped on the hill-top high - (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); - Till the cow said, 'I die,' and the goose said, 'Why?' - And the dog said nothing but searched for fleas. - - The farmer's daughter hath soft brown hair - (_Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese_); - And I've met a ballad, I can't tell where, - Which mainly consisted of lines like these." - -W. S. Gilbert has some verses which are true nonsense, of which this is -one: - - "Sing for the garish eye, - When moonless brandlings cling! - Let the froddering crooner cry, - And the braddled sapster sing. - For never and never again, - Will the tottering beechlings play, - For bratticed wrackers are singing aloud, - And the throngers croon in May!" - -Mr. Lewis Carroll's "Hunting of the Snark"[10] is a very curious little -book, full of the most delicate fun and queer nonsense, with delightful -illustrations. It gives an account of how a Bellman, Boots, Barrister, -Broker, Billiard-marker, Banker, Beaver, Baker, and Butcher go a-hunting -after a mythical Beast called a "Snark." It is difficult to detach a -passage for quotation, but the following few lines will show how the -"Quest of the Snark" was purposed to be carried on: - - "To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care: - To pursue it with forks and hope; - To threaten its life with a railway share; - To charm it with smiles and soap! - - For the Snark's a peculiar creature, that won't - Be caught in a commonplace way; - Do all that you know, and try all that you don't: - Not a chance must be wasted to-day!" - -The verses which follow are from the "Comic Latin Grammar," and if they -are not nonsense they show at least how thin the partition line is between -true nonsense verse and many of those pieces which were wont to be known -by the name of Album Verses: - -LINES BY A FOND LOVER. - - "Lovely maid, with rapture swelling, - Should these pages meet thine eye, - Clouds of absence soft dispelling;-- - Vacant memory heaves a sigh. - - As the rose, with fragrance weeping, - Trembles to the tuneful wave, - So my heart shall twine unsleeping, - Till it canopies the grave. - - Though another's smile's requited, - Envious fate my doom should be; - Joy for ever disunited, - Think, ah! think, at times on me! - - Oft, amid the spicy gloaming, - Where the brakes their songs instil, - Fond affection silent roaming, - Loves to linger by the rill-- - - There, when echo's voice consoling, - Hears the nightingale complain, - Gentle sighs my lips controlling, - Bind my soul in beauty's chain. - - Oft in slumber's deep recesses, - I thy mirror'd image see; - Fancy mocks the vain caresses - I would lavish like a bee! - - But how vain is glittering sadness! - Hark, I hear distraction's knell! - Torture gilds my heart with madness! - Now for ever fare thee well!" - - - - -_LIPOGRAMS._ - - -The reading of Lope de Vega's five novels, in each of which a different -vowel is omitted, led to Lord Holland writing the following curious -production, in which no vowel is used but _e_: - -EVE'S LEGEND. - - "Men were never perfect; yet the three brethren Veres were ever - esteemed, respected, revered, even when the rest, whether the select - few, whether the mere herd, were left neglected. - - "The eldest's vessels seek the deep, stem the element, get pence; the - keen Peter when free, wedded Hester Green,--the slender, stern, - severe, erect Hester Green. The next, clever Ned, less dependent, - wedded sweet Ellen Heber. Stephen, ere he met the gentle Eve, never - felt tenderness: he kept kennels, bred steeds, rested where the deer - fed, went where green trees, where fresh breezes greeted sleep. There - he met the meek, the gentle Eve; she tended her sheep, she ever - neglected self; she never heeded pelf, yet she heeded the shepherds - even less. Nevertheless, her cheek reddened when she met Stephen; yet - decent reserve, meek respect, tempered her speech, even when she - showed tenderness. Stephen felt the sweet effect: he felt he erred - when he fled the sex, yet felt he defenceless when Eve seemed tender. - She, he reflects, never deserved neglect; she never vented spleen; he - esteems her gentleness, her endless deserts; he reverences her steps; - he greets her: - - "Tell me whence these meek, these gentle sheep,--whence the yet - meeker, the gentler shepherdess?" - - "'Well bred, we were eke better fed, ere we went where reckless men - seek fleeces. There we were fleeced. Need then rendered me - shepherdess, need renders me sempstress. See me tend the sheep, see me - sew the wretched shreds. Eve's need preserves the steers, preserves - the sheep; Eve's needle mends her dresses, hems her sheets; Eve feeds - the geese; Eve preserves the cheese.' - - "Her speech melted Stephen, yet he nevertheless esteems, reveres her. - He bent the knee where her feet pressed the green; he blessed, he - begged, he pressed her. - - "'Sweet, sweet Eve, let me wed thee; be led where Hester Green, where - Ellen Heber, where the brethren Vere dwell. Free cheer greets thee - there; Ellen's glees sweeten the refreshments; there severer Hester's - decent reserve checks heedless jests. Be led there, sweet Eve.' - - "'Never! we well remember the Seer. We went where he dwells--we - entered the cell--we begged the decree,-- - - "'Where, whenever, when, 'twere well - Eve be wedded? Eld Seer, tell! - - "'He rendered the decree; see here the sentence decreed!' Then she - presented Stephen the Seer's decree. The verses were these: - - "'_Ere the green be red, - Sweet Eve, be never wed; - Ere be green the red cheek, - Never wed thee, Eve meek._' - - "The terms perplexed Stephen, yet he jeered them. He resented the - senseless credence, 'Seers never err.' Then he repented, knelt, - wheedled, wept. Eve sees Stephen kneel, she relents, yet frets when - she remembers the Seer's decree. Her dress redeems her. These were the - events: - - "Her well-kempt tresses fell: sedges, reeds beckoned them. The reeds - fell, the edges met her cheeks; her cheeks bled. She presses the green - sedge where her cheek bleeds. Red then bedewed the green reed, the - green reed then speckled her red cheek. The red cheek seems green, - the green reed seems red. These were the terms the Eld Seer decreed - Stephen Vere. - - HERE ENDETH THE LEGEND." - -The following curious lines run in quite an opposite way to the preceding, -for each verse has been written so as to include every letter in the -alphabet but the vowel _e_: - -THE FATE OF NASSAN. - - "Bold Nassan quits his caravan, - A hazy mountain grot to scan; - Climbs jaggy rocks to spy his way, - Doth tax his sight, but far doth stray. - - Not work of man, nor sport of child, - Finds Nassan in that mazy wild; - Lax grows his joints, limbs toil in vain-- - Poor wight! why didst thou quit that plain - - Vainly for succour Nassan calls, - Know, Zillah, that thy Nassan falls; - But prowling wolf and fox may joy, - To quarry on thy Arab boy." - -Here follows a fugitive verse, written with _ease_ without _e's_: - - "A jovial swain may rack his brain, - And tax his fancy's might, - To quiz in vain, for 'tis most plain, - That what I say is right." - - - - -_CENTONES OR MOSAICS._ - - -Of this formerly favourite amusement of the learned we give several -examples, only noting here that the word "Cento" primarily signified a -cloak made of patches. - - 1. I only knew she came and went, - 2. Like troutlets in a pool; - 3. She was a phantom of delight, - 4. And I was like a fool. - - 5. One kiss, dear maid, I said, and sighed, - 6. Out of those lips unshorn, - 7. She shook her ringlets round her head - 8. And laughed in merry scorn. - - 9. Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, - 10. You heard them, O my heart; - 11. 'Tis twelve at night by the castle clock, - 12. Beloved, we must part. - - 13. "Come back, come back!" she cried in grief, - 14. My eyes are dim with tears-- - 15. How shall I live through all the days? - 16. All through a hundred years? - - 17. 'Twas in the prime of summer time, - 18. She blessed me with her hand; - 19. We strayed together, deeply blest, - 20. Into the dreaming land. - - 21. The laughing bridal roses blow, - 22. To dress her dark-brown hair; - 23. My heart is breaking with my woe, - 24. Most beautiful! most rare! - - 25. I clasped it on her sweet, cold hand, - 26. The precious golden link! - 27. I calmed her fears, and she was calm, - 28. "Drink, pretty creature, drink!" - - 29. And so I won my Genevieve, - 30. And walked in Paradise; - 31. The fairest thing that ever grew - 32. Atween me and the skies! - - 1. Powell; 2. Hood; 3. Wordsworth; 4. Eastman; 5. Coleridge; 6. - Longfellow; 7. Stoddard; 8. Tennyson; 9. Tennyson; 10. Alice Cary; 11. - Coleridge; 12. Alice Cary; 13. Campbell; 14. Bayard Taylor; 15. - Osgood; 16. T. S. Perry; 17. Hood; 18. Hoyt; 19. Edwards; 20. - Cornwall; 21. Patmore; 22. Bayard Taylor; 23. Tennyson; 24. Read; 25. - Browning; 26. Smith; 27. Coleridge; 28. Wordsworth; 29. Coleridge; 30. - Hervey; 31. Wordsworth; 32. Osgood. - -The next appeared a short time ago in one of the Edinburgh newspapers, -signed R. Fleming, and is a mosaic compilation from poems written to the -memory of Robert Burns: - - 1. Immortal bard, immortal Burns! - 2. Whose lines are mottoes of the heart; - 3. Affection loves and memory learns - 4. Thy songs "untaught by rules of art." - 5. For dear as life--as heaven--will be, - 6. As years on years successive roll; - 7. Fair types of thy rich harmony - 8. Who wrote to humanise the soul. - - 9. His lyre was sweet, majestic, grand, - 10. The pride and honour of the North; - 11. His song was of bold freedom's land, - 12. Brave Scotland, freedom's throne on earth. - - 13. Oft by the winding banks of Ayr; - 14. With sinewy arm he turned the soil; - 15. He painted Scotland's daughters fair, - 16. Through twilight shades of good and ill. - - 17. His native wild enchanting strains, - 18. Like dear memories round the hearth, - 19. Immortalise the poet's name, - 20. And few have won a greener wreath. - - 21. From John O'Groat's to 'cross the Tweed - 22. What heart hath ever matched his flame? - 23. Though rough and dark the path he trod, - 24. Long shall old Scotland keep his name. - - 25. Great master of our Doric rhyme, - 26. Though here thy course was but a span; - 27. The pealing rapturous notes sublime - 28. Binds man with fellow-man. - - 29. Peace to the dead--in Scotia's choir-- - 30. Yes, future bards shall pour the lay, - 31. Warmed with a "spark of nature's fire," - 32. While years insidious steal away. - - 1. Bennoch; 2. Campbell; 3. Imlach; 4. Gray; 5. Glen; 6. Paul; 7. - M'Laggan; 8. Tannahill; 9. Glen; 10. Allan; 11. Gilfillan; 12. Park; - 13. Wallace; 14. Roscoe; 15. Vedder; 16. Wordsworth; 17. Reid; 18. - Glass; 19. Paul; 20. Halleck; 21. Macindoe; 22. Ainslie; 23. Halleck; - 24. Kelly; 25. Gray; 26. Mercer; 27. Vedder; 28. Imlach; 29. - Montgomery; 30. Gray; 31. Rushton; 32. Gilfillan. - -The three following verses are very good: - - 1. When first I met thee, warm and young, - 2. My heart I gave thee with my hand; - 3. My name was then a magic spell, - 4. Casting a dim religious light. - - 5. But now, as we plod on our way, - 6. My heart no more with rapture swells; - 7. I would not, if I could, be gay, - 8. When earth is filled with cold farewells! - - 9. The heath this night must be my bed, - 10. Ye vales, ye streams, ye groves, adieu? - 11. Farewell for aye, e'en love is dead, - 12. Would I could add, remembrance too! - - 1. Moore; 2. Morris; 3. Norton; 4. Milton; 5. Percival; 6. M'Naughton; - 7. Rogers; 8. Patmore; 9. Scott; 10. Pope; 11. Procter; 12. Byron. - -The following is copied from "Fireside Amusements," published by the -Messrs. Chambers, every line being taken from a different poet: - - "On Linden when the sun was low, - A frog he would a-wooing go; - He sighed a sigh, and breathed a prayer, - None but the brave deserve the fair. - - A gentle knight was pricking o'er the plain, - Remote, unfriended, melancholy, slow; - Gums and pomatums shall his flight restrain, - Or who would suffer being here below. - - The younger of the sister arts - Was born on the open sea; - The rest were slain at Chevy Chase, - Under the greenwood tree. - - At morn the blackcock trims his jetty wings, - And says--remembrance saddening o'er each brow-- - Awake, my St. John! leave all meaner things! - Who would be free themselves must strike the blow! - - It was a friar of orders gray, - Still harping on my daughter: - Sister spirit, come away, - Across this stormy water. - - On the light fantastic toe, - Othello's occupation's gone; - Maid of Athens, ere I go, - Were the last words of Marmion. - - There was a sound of revelry by night - In Thebes' streets three thousand years ago; - And comely virgins came with garlands dight - To censure Fate, and pious Hope forgo. - - Oh! the young Lochinvar came out of the west, - An underbred fine-spoken fellow was he; - A back dropping in, an expansion of chest, - Far more than I once could foresee." - - - - -_ECHO VERSES._ - - -A GENTLE ECHO ON WOMAN. - -(IN THE DORIC MANNER.) - - _Shepherd._ Echo, I ween, will in the woods reply, - And quaintly answer questions: shall I try? - _Echo._ Try. - _Shep._ What must we do our passion to express? - _Echo._ Press. - _Shep._ How shall I please her, who ne'er loved before? - _Echo._ Before. - _Shep._ What most moves women when we them address? - _Echo._ A dress. - _Shep._ Say, what can keep her chaste whom I adore? - _Echo._ A door. - _Shep._ If music softens rocks, love tunes my lyre. - _Echo._ Liar. - _Shep._ Then teach me, Echo, how shall I come by her? - _Echo._ Buy her. - _Shep._ When bought, no question I shall be her dear? - _Echo._ Her dear. - _Shep._ But deer have horns: how must I keep her under? - _Echo._ Keep her under. - _Shep._ But what can glad me when she's laid on bier? - _Echo._ Beer. - _Shep._ What must I do when women will be kind? - _Echo._ Be kind. - _Shep._ What must I do when women will be cross? - _Echo._ Be cross. - _Shep._ Lord, what is she that can so turn and wind? - _Echo._ Wind. - _Shep._ If she be wind, what stills her when she blows? - _Echo._ Blows. - _Shep._ But if she bang again, still should I bang her? - _Echo._ Bang her. - _Shep._ Is there no way to moderate her anger? - _Echo._ Hang her. - _Shep._ Thanks, gentle Echo! right thy answers tell - What woman is and how to guard her well. - _Echo._ Guard her well. - -ECHO AND THE LOVER. - - _Lover._ Echo! mysterious nymph, declare - Of what you're made, and what you are. - _Echo._ Air. - _Lover._ 'Mid airy cliffs and places high; - Sweet Echo! listening love, you lie. - _Echo._ You lie. - _Lover._ Thou dost resuscitate dead sounds-- - Hark! how my voice revives, resounds! - _Echo._ Zounds! - _Lover._ I'll question thee before I go-- - Come, answer me more apropos! - _Echo._ Poh! Poh! - _Lover._ Tell me, fair nymph, if ere you saw - So sweet a girl as Phoebe Shaw? - _Echo._ Pshaw! - _Lover._ Say what will turn that frisking coney - Into the toils of matrimony? - _Echo._ Money! - _Lover._ Has Phoebe not a heavenly brow? - Is not her bosom white as snow? - _Echo._ Ass! no! - _Lover._ Her eyes! was ever such a pair? - Are the stars brighter than they are. - _Echo._ They are. - _Lover._ Echo, thou liest! but canst deceive me. - _Echo._ Leave me. - _Lover._ But come, thou saucy, pert romancer, - Who is as fair as Phoebe? Answer! - _Echo._ Ann, sir. - -The latest good verses of this class are attributed to an echo that haunts -the Sultan's palace at Constantinople. Abdul Hamid is supposed to question -it as to the intentions of the European powers and his own resources: - - "L'Angleterre? - Erre. - L'Autriche? - Triche. - La Prusse? - Russe. - Mes principautes? - Otees. - Mes cuirasses? - Assez. - Mes Pashas? - Achats. - Et Suleiman? - Ment." - --_The Athenaeum._ - - - - -_WATCH-CASE VERSES._ - - -When thick watches with removable cases were in fashion, and before the -introduction of the present compact form, the outer case of the -old-fashioned "turnip" was frequently the repository of verses and sundry -devices, generally placed there by the watchmaker. Others, again, -consisted of the maker's name and address, with some appropriate maxim, -and were printed on satin or worked with the needle, and occasionally so -devised as to appear in a circle without a break, as in the following: - - "Onward - perpetually moving - These faithful hands are proving - How soft the hours steal by; - This monitory pulse-like beating, - Is oftentimes methinks repeating, - 'Swift, swift, the hours do fly.' - Ready! be ready! perhaps before - These hands have made - One revolution more, - Life's spring is snapt,-- - You die!" - -A watch-paper described by a writer in "Notes and Queries" gave the -address of Bowen, 2 Tichborne Street, Piccadilly, on a pedestal surmounted -by an urn. On the other side of the label was a winged figure, holding in -one hand a watch at arm's length, and in the other a book. At her feet lay -a sickle and a serpent with his tail in his mouth--the emblems of Time and -Eternity. Round the circumference of the label were these lines-- - - "Little monitor, impart - Some instruction to the heart; - Show the busy and the gay - Life is wasting swift away. - Follies cannot long endure, - Life is short and death is sure. - Happy those who wisely learn - Truth from error to discern: - Truth, immortal as the soul, - And unshaken as the pole." - -The bottom of the case was lined with rose-coloured satin, on which was a -device in lace-paper--the central portion representing two hearts -transfixed by arrows, and surmounted by a dove holding a wreath in its -bill. A circular band enclosed the device, and bore the motto-- - - "Joined by friendship, - Crowned by love." - -The lines next given are by Mr. J. Byrom, common called Dr. Byrom, whom we -have previously referred to: - - "Could but our tempers move like this machine, - Not urged by passion, nor delayed by spleen; - But true to Nature's regulating power, - By virtuous acts distinguish every hour: - Then health and joy would follow, as they ought, - The laws of motion and the laws of thought: - On earth would pass the pleasant moments o'er - To rest in Heaven when Time shall be no more!" - -The last lines of this watch-paper have been occasionally varied to-- - - "Sweet health to pass the pleasant moments o'er - And everlasting joy when Time shall be no more." - -A watchmaker named Adams, who practised his craft many years ago in Church -Street, Hackney, was fond of putting scraps of poetry in the outer case of -watches sent him for repair. One of his effusions follow: - - "To-morrow! yes, to-morrow! you'll repent - A train of years in vice and folly spent. - To-morrow comes--no penitential sorrow - Appears therein, for still it is to-morrow; - At length to-morrow such a habit gains - That you'll forget the time that Heaven ordains; - And you'll believe that day too soon will be - When more to-morrows you're denied to see." - -Another old engraved specimen contained this verse: - - "Content thy selfe withe thyne estat, - And sende no poore wight from thy gate; - For why, this councell I thee give, - To learne to dye, and dye to lyve." - -The following lines by Pope, occurring in his Epistle to the Earl of -Oxford, have been used in this way: - - "Absent or dead - Still let a friend be - Dear. The Absent claims - a sigh, the dead a - tear. - May - Angels guard - The friend I - love." - -Milman's poems have furnished a verse for this purpose: - - "It matters little at what hour o' the day - The righteous fall asleep; death cannot come - To him untimely who is fit to die. - The less of this cold world, the more of heaven; - The briefer life, the earlier immortality." - -Various other examples of watch-case verses follow: - -THE WATCH'S MOMENTS. - - "See how the moments pass, - How swift they fly away! - In the instructive glass - Behold thy life's decay. - Oh! waste not then thy prime - In sin's pernicious road; - Redeem thy misspent time, - Acquaint thyself with God. - So when thy pulse shall cease - Its throbbing transient play, - The soul to realms of bliss - May wing its joyful way." - - "Deign, lady fair, this watch to wear, - To mark how moments fly; - For none a moment have to spare, - Who in a moment die." - -TO A LADY WITH THE PRESENT OF A WATCH. - - "With me while present, may thy lovely eyes, - Be never turned upon this golden toy; - Think every pleasing hour too swiftly flies, - And measure time by joy succeeding joy. - But when the cares that interrupt our bliss, - To me not always will thy sight allow, - Then oft with fond impatience look on this, - Then every minute count--as I do now." - - "Time is thou hast, employ the portion small; - Time past is gone, thou canst not it recall; - Time future is not, and may never be; - Time present is the only time for thee." - - "Watch against evil thoughts - Watch against idle words; - Watch against sinful ways; - Watch against wicked actions. - What I say unto you I say unto all, Watch." - -The following lines have a sand-glass engraved between the first four and -the last four lines: - - "Mark the rapid motion - Of this timepiece; hear it say, - Man, attend to thy salvation; - Time does quickly pass away. - Why, heedless of the warning - Which my tinkling sound doth give, - Do forget, vain frame adorning, - Man thou art not born to live?" - -On a sun-dial the following verse has been found engraved: - - "Once at a potent leader's voice it stayed; - Once it went back when a good monarch prayed; - Mortals! howe'er ye grieve, howe'er deplore, - The flying shadow shall return no more." - -This was found under an hour-glass in a grotto near water: - - "This babbling stream not uninstructive flows, - Nor idly loiters to its destined main; - Each flower it feeds that on its margin grows, - Now bids thee blush, whose days are spent in vain. - - Nor void of moral, though unheeded glides - Time's current, stealing on with silent haste; - For lo! each falling sand _his_ folly chides, - Who lets one precious moment run to waste." - - - - -_PROSE POEMS._ - - -Several pages of this kind appeared at the end of an early volume of -"Cornhill Magazine," of which this is the beginning: - -TO CORRESPONDENTS. - - "'Tis in the middle of the night; and as with weary hand we write, - 'Here endeth C. M. volume seven,' we turn our grateful eyes to heaven. - The fainting soul, oppressed long, expands and blossoms into song; but - why 'twere difficult to state, for here commenceth volume eight. - - "And ah! what mischiefs him environ who claps the editorial tiar on! - 'Tis but a paper thing, no doubt; but those who don it soon find out - the weight of lead--ah me, how weary!--one little foolscap sheet may - carry. Pleasing, we hear, to gods and man was Mr. William Gladstone - when he calmed the paper duty fuss; but oh, 'twas very hard on Us. - Before he took the impost off, one gentleman was found enough (he - _was_ Herculean, but still!--) to bear the letters from Cornhill: two - men are needed now, and these are clearly going at the knees. Yet - happy hearts had we to-day if one in fifteen hundred, say, of all the - packets, white and blue, which we diurnally go through, yielded an - ounce of sterling brains, or ought but headache for our pains. Ah, - could the Correspondent see the Editor in his misery, no more - injurious ink he'd shed, but tears of sympathy instead. What is this - tale of straws and bricks? A hen with fifty thousand chicks clapt in - Sahara's sandy plain to peck the wilderness for grain--in that unhappy - fowl is seen the despot of a magazine. Only one difference we find; - but that is most important, mind. Instinct compels _her_ patient beak; - ours--in all modesty we speak--is kept by CONSCIENCE (sternly chaste) - pegging the literary waste. Our barns are stored, our garners--well, - the stock in them's considerable; yet when we're to the desert - brought, again comes back the welcome thought that somewhere in its - depths may hide one little seed, which, multiplied in our half-acre on - Cornhill, might all the land with gladness fill. Experience then no - more we heed; but, though we seldom find the seed, we read, and read, - and read, and read." &c. &c. - -This is also an instance of this hidden verse in the beginning of one of -Macaulay's letters to his sister Hannah: - - "MY DARLING,--Why am I such a fool as to write to a gipsy at - Liverpool, who fancies that none is so good as she if she sends one - letter for my three? A lazy chit, whose fingers tire in penning a page - in reply to a quire! There, miss, you read all the first sentence of - my epistle, and never knew that you were reading verse." - -When Mr. Coventry Patmore's "Angel in the House" was first published, the -"Athenaeum" furnished the following unique criticism: - - "The gentle reader we apprise, That this new Angel in the House - Contains a tale not very wise, About a person and a spouse. The - author, gentle as a lamb, Has managed his rhymes to fit, And haply - fancies he has writ Another 'In Memoriam.' How his intended gathered - flowers, And took her tea and after sung, Is told in style somewhat - like ours, For delectation of the young. But, reader, lest you say we - quiz The poet's record of his she, Some little pictures you shall see, - Not in our language but in his: - - 'While thus I grieved and kissed her glove, - My man brought in her note to say - Papa had bid her send his love, - And hoped I dine with them next day; - They had learned and practised Purcell's glee, - To sing it by to-morrow night: - The postscript was--her sisters and she - Inclosed some violets blue and white. - - * * * * * - - 'Restless and sick of long exile, - From those sweet friends I rode, to see - The church repairs, and after a while - Waylaying the Dean, was asked to tea. - They introduced the Cousin Fred - I'd heard of, Honor's favourite; grave, - Dark, handsome, bluff, but gently bred, - And with an air of the salt wave.' - - Fear not this saline Cousin Fred; He gives no tragic mischief birth; - There are no tears for you to shed, Unless they may be tears of mirth. - From ball to bed, from field to farm, The tale flows nicely purling - on; With much conceit there is no harm, In the love-legend here begun. - The rest will come another day, If public sympathy allows; And this - is all we have to say About the 'Angel in the House.'" - -THE PRINTER. - - "The printer-man had just set up a 'stickful' of brevier, filled with - italic, fractions, signs, and other things most queer; the type he - lifted from the stick, nor dreamt of coming woes, when lo! a wretched - wasp thought fit to sting him on the nose: the printer-man the type - let fall, as quick as quick could be, and gently murmured a naughty - word beginning with a D." - -MY LOVE. - - "I seen her out a-walking in her habit de la rue, and it ain't no use - a-talking, but she's pumpkins and a few. She glides along in glory - like a duck upon a lake, and I'd be all love and duty, if I only were - her drake!" - -THE SOLO. - - "He drew his breath with a gasping sob, with a quivering voice he - sang, but his voice leaked out and could not drown the accompanist's - clamorous bang. He lost his pitch on the middle A, he faltered on the - lower D, and foundered at length like a battered wreck adrift on the - wild high C." - -PONY LOST. - - _On Feb. 21st, 1822, this devil bade me adieu._ - - "Lost, stolen, or astray, not the least doubt but run away, a mare - pony that is all bay,--if I judge pretty nigh, it is about eleven - hands high; full tail and mane, a pretty head and frame; cut on both - shoulders by the collar, not being soft nor hollow; it is about five - years old, which may be easily told; for spirit and for speed, the - devil cannot her exceed." - -An excellent specimen of this kind of literary work is to be found in J. -Russell Lowell's "Fable for Critics," of which the title-page and preface -are written in this fashion, and there is here given an extract from the -latter: - - "Having scrawled at full gallop (as far as that goes) in a style that - is neither good verse nor bad prose, and being a person whom nobody - knows, some people will say I am rather more free with my readers than - it is becoming to be, that I seem to expect them to wait on my leisure - in following wherever I wander at pleasure,--that, in short, I take - more than a young author's lawful ease, and laugh in a queer way so - like Mephistopheles, that the public will doubt, as they grope through - my rhythm, if in truth I am making fun _at_ them or _with_ them. - - "So the excellent Public is hereby assured that the sale of my book is - already secured. For there is not a poet throughout the whole land, - but will purchase a copy or two out of hand, in the fond expectation - of being amused in it, by seeing his betters cut up and abused in it. - Now, I find, by a pretty exact calculation, there are something like - ten thousand bards in the nation, of that special variety whom the - Review and Magazine critics call _lofty_ and _true_, and about thirty - thousand (_this_ tribe is increasing) of the kinds who are termed - _full of promise_ and _pleasing_. The public will see by a glance at - this schedule, that they cannot expect me to be over-sedulous about - courting _them_, since it seems I have got enough fuel made sure of - for boiling my pot. - - "As for such of our poets as find not their names mentioned once in my - pages, with praises or blames, let them send in their cards, without - further delay, to my friend G. P. Putnam, Esquire, in Broadway, where - a list will be kept with the strictest regard to the day and the hour - of receiving the card. Then, taking them up as I chance to have time - (that is, if their names can be twisted in rhyme), I will honestly - give each his proper position, at the rate of one author to each new - edition. Thus, a premium is offered sufficiently high (as the - Magazines say when they tell their best lie) to induce bards to club - their resources and buy the balance of every edition, until they have - all of them fairly been run through the mill." &c. &c. - -That which is considered, however, one of the best of Prose Poems is the -following, which appeared originally in _Fraser's Magazine_, and will also -be found in Maclise and Maginn's "Gallery of Illustrious Literary -Characters,"[11] being part of the introductory portion of a notice of the -late Earl of Beaconsfield, then Mr. Disraeli, and known at the time as an -aspirant to literary and political fame: - - "O Reader dear! do pray look here, and you will spy the curly hair, - and forehead fair, and nose so high, and gleaming eye, of Benjamin - D'Is-ra-e-li, the wondrous boy who wrote _Alroy_ in rhyme and prose, - only to show how long ago victorious Judah's lion-banner rose. In an - earlier day he wrote _Vivian Grey_--a smart enough story, we must - say, until he took his hero abroad, and trundled him over the German - road; and taught him there not to drink beer, and swallow schnapps, - and pull maedschen's caps, and smoke the cigar and the meersham true, - in alehouse and lusthaus all Fatherland through, until all was blue, - but talk secondhand that which, at the first, was never many degrees - from the worst,--namely, German cant and High Dutch sentimentality, - maudlin metaphysics, and rubbishing reality. But those who would find - how Vivian wined with the Marchioness of Puddledock, and other great - grandees of the kind, and how he talked aesthetic, and waxed eloquent - and pathetic, and kissed his Italian puppies of the greyhound breed, - they have only to read--if the work be still alive--Vivian Grey, in - volumes five. - - "As for his tentative upon the _Representative_, which he and John - Murray got up in a very great hurry, we shall say nothing at all, - either great or small; and all the wars that thence ensued, and the - Moravian's deadly feud; nor much of that fine book, which is called - 'the Young Duke,' with his slippers of velvet blue, with clasps of - snowy-white hue, made out of the pearl's mother, or some equally fine - thing or other; and 'Fleming' (_Contarini_), which will cost ye but a - guinea; and 'Gallomania' (get through it, can you?) in which he made - war on (assisted by a whiskered baron--his name was Von Haber, whose - Germanical jabber, Master Ben, with ready pen, put into English smart - and jinglish), King Philippe and his court; and many other great works - of the same sort--why, we leave them to the reader to peruse; that is - to say, if he should choose. - - "He lately stood for Wycombe, but there Colonel Grey did lick him, he - being parcel Tory and parcel Radical--which is what in general mad we - call; and the latest affair of his we chanced to see, is 'What is he?' - a question which, by this time, we have somewhat answered in this our - pedestrian rhyme. As for the rest,--but writing rhyme is, after all, a - pest; and therefore"---- - - - - -_MISCELLANEOUS ODDS AND ENDS._ - - -Some years ago _Punch_ gave "revised versions" of a few of the old popular -songs, and, referring to the one we have chosen as a specimen, says that -"its simplicity, its truthfulness, and, above all, its high moral, have -recommended it to him for selection. It is well known to the million--of -whose singing, indeed, it forms a part. Perhaps it will be recognised; -perhaps not." - -A POLISHED POEM. - - _Air._--"If I had a donkey vot vouldn't go, - Do you think I'd wallop," &c. - - "Had I an ass averse to speed, - Deem'st thou I'd strike him? No, indeed! - Mark me, I'd try persuasion's art, - For cruelty offends my heart: - Had all resembled me, I ween, - Martin, thy law had needless been - Of speechless brutes from blows to screen - The poor head; - For had I an ass averse to speed - I ne'er would strike him, no, indeed! - I'd give him hay, and cry, 'Proceed,' - And 'Go on, Edward!' - - Why speak I thus? This very morn, - I saw that cruel William Burn, - Whilst crying 'Greens' upon his course, - Assail his ass with all his force; - He smote him o'er the head and thighs, - Till tears bedimmed the creature's eyes! - Oh! 'twas too much, my blood 'gan rise - And I exclaimed, - 'Had I an,' &c. - - Burn turn'd and cried, with scornful eye, - 'Perchance thou'rt one of Martin's fry, - And seek'st occasion base to take, - The vile informer's gain to make.' - Word of denial though I spoke, - Full on my brow his fury broke, - And thus, while I return'd the stroke, - I exclaimed, - 'Had I an,' &c. - - To us, infringing thus the peace, - Approach'd his guardians--the police; - And, like inevitable Fate, - Bore us to where stern Justice sate; - Her minister the tale I told; - And to support my word, made bold - To crave he would the ass behold: - 'For,' I declared, - 'Had I an,' &c. - - They called the creature into court - Where, sooth to say, he made some sport, - With ears erect, and parted jaws, - As though he strove to plead his cause: - I gained the palm of feelings kind; - The ass was righted; William fined. - For Justice, one with me in mind, - Exclaimed, by her Minister, - 'Had I an,' &c. - - Cried William to his judge, ''Tis hard - (Think not the fine that I regard), - But things have reached a goodly pass-- - One may not beat a stubborn ass!' - Nought spoke the judge, but closed his book; - So William thence the creature took, - Eyeing me--ah! with what a look, - As gently whispering in his ear, I said, - 'William, had I an,' &c." - -CUMULATIVE PARODYING. - - There was a young damsel; oh, bless her, - It cost very little to dress her; - She was sweet as a rose - In her everyday clothes, - But had no young man to caress her. - --_Meridien Recorder._ - - There was a young turkey; oh, bless her: - It cost very little to dress her; - Some dry bread and thyme, - About Thanksgiving time, - And they ate the last bit from the dresser. - --_American Punch._ - - A newspaper poet; oh, dang him! - And pelt him and club him and bang him! - He kept writing away, - Till the people one day - Rose up and proceeded to hang him. - --_Detroit Free Press._ - -BLANK VERSE IN RHYME. - -(A NOCTURNAL SKETCH.) - - "Even is come; and from the dark Park, hark - The signal of the setting sun--one gun! - And six is sounding from the chime, prime time - To go and see the Drury-lane Dane slain,-- - Or hear Othello's jealous doubt spout out,-- - Or Macbeth raving at that shade-made blade, - Denying to his frantic clutch much touch; - Or else to see Ducrow with wide stride ride - Four horses as no other man can span; - Or in the small Olympic pit, sit split - Laughing at Liston, while you quiz his phiz. - - Anon night comes, and with her wings brings things - Such as, with his poetic tongue, Young sung; - The gas up-blazes with its bright white light, - And paralytic watchmen prowl, howl, growl, - About the streets, and take up Pall Mall Sal, - Who hastening to her nightly jobs, robs fobs. - - Now thieves to enter for your cash, smash, crash, - Past drowsy Charley, in a deep sleep, creep, - But frightened by Policeman B 3, flee, - And while they're going whisper low, 'No go!' - Now puss, while folks are in their beds, treads leads, - And sleepers waking, grumble--'Drat that cat!' - Who in the gutter caterwauls, squalls, mauls - Some feline foe, and screams in shrill ill-will. - - Now Bulls of Bashan, of a prize-size, rise - In childish dreams, and with a roar gore poor - Georgey, or Charles, or Billy, willy-nilly; - But nursemaid in a nightmare rest, chest-pressed, - Dreameth of one of her old flames, James Games, - And that she hears--what faith is man's!--Ann's banns - And his, from Reverend Mr. Rice, twice, thrice; - White ribbons flourish, and a stout shout out, - That upward goes, shows Rose knows those bows' woes!" - --_Thomas Hood._ - -The following excellent specimen of mono-syllabic verse comes from an old -play in the Garrick Collection: - -SONG. - - "Let us sip, and let it slip, - And go which way it will a; - Let us trip, and let us skip, - And let us drink our fill a. - - Take the cup, and drink all up, - Give me the can to fill a; - Every sup, and every cup, - Hold here and my good will a. - - Gossip mine and gossip thine; - Now let us gossip still a; - Here is good wine, this ale is fine, - Now drink of which you will a. - - Round about, till all be out, - I pray you let us swill a; - This jolly grout is jolly and stout, - I pray you stout it still a. - - Let us laugh and let us quaff, - Good drinkers think none ill a; - Here is your bag, here is your staffe, - Be packing to the mill a." - -ELESSDE. - - "In a certain fair island, for commerce renown'd, - Whose fleets sailed in every sea, - A set of fanatics, men say, there was found, - Who set up an island and worship around, - And called it by name Elessde. - - Many heads had the monster, and tails not a few, - Of divers rare metals was he - And temples they built him right goodly to view, - Where oft they would meet, and, like idolists true, - Pay their vows to the great Elessde. - - Moreover, at times would their frenzy attain - ('Twas nought less) to so high a degree, - That his soul-blinded votaries did not complain, - But e'en laid down their lives his false favour to gain-- - So great was thy power, Elessde. - - As for morals, this somewhat unscrupulous race - Were lax enough, 'twixt you and me; - Men would poison their friends with professional grace, - And of the fell deed leave behind ne'er a trace, - For the sake of the fiend, Elessde. - - Then forgery flourished, and rampant and rife - Was each form of diablerie; - While the midnight assassin, with mallet and knife, - Would steal on his victim and rob him of life, - And all for thy love, Elessde. - - There were giants of crime on the earth in that day, - The like of which we may not see: - Although, peradventure, some sceptic will say - There be those even now who acknowledge the sway - Of the god of the world--_L s. d._" - -EARTH. - - "What is earth, Sexton?--A place to dig graves. - What is earth, Rich man?--A place to work slaves. - What is earth, Greybeard?--A place to grow old. - What is earth, Miser?--A place to dig gold. - What is earth, Schoolboy?--A place for my play. - What is earth, Maiden?--A place to be gay. - What is earth, Seamstress?--A place where I weep. - What is earth, Sluggard?--A good place to sleep. - What is earth, Soldier?--A place for a battle. - What is earth, Herdsman?--A place to raise cattle. - What is earth, Widow?--A place of true sorrow. - What is earth, Tradesman?--I'll tell you to-morrow. - What is earth, Sick man?--'Tis nothing to me. - What is earth, Sailor?--My home is the sea. - What is earth, Statesman?--A place to win fame. - What is earth, Author?--I'll write there my name. - What is earth, Monarch?--For my realm it is given. - What is earth, Christian?--The gateway of heaven." - - - - -INDEX. - - - Acrostics, 198 - - Ad Chloen, M.A., 105 - - Addresses, the Rejected, 15 - - Ad Mortem, 56 - - Ad Professorem Linguae Germanicae, 101 - - "Alice in Wonderland," verses from, 42, 43 - - Alliterative verses from "Society," 210 - - American Traveller, the, 132 - - Am Rhein, 99 - - Analytical, Ode to Davies', 159 - - Angel in the House, the, 239 - - Animal Alphabet, an, 206 - - Anticipatory Dirge, an, 146 - - Arab and his Donkey, the, 167 - - Arundines Cami, the, 129, 130 - - - Ba, ba, Black Sheep, 129 - - Ballad of the Period, a, 217 - - Ballads, the Bon Gualtier, 31 - - Bandit's Fate, the, 30 - - Barham, Mr., parody by, 28; - macaronic by, 70 - - Battle of Frogs and Mice, the, 10 - - Bayard Taylor, lines by, 36 - - Billet-Doux, a, 166 - - Biter Bit, the, 40 - - Blank Verse in Rhyme, 248 - - Boke of Colin Clout, 62 - - Bonaparte, anagram on, 196, 197 - - Bon Gaultier Ballads, the, 31 - - Bore's Head, Bringing in the, 61 - - Boxiana, 177 - - Boyle Godfrey, Epitaph on, 150 - - Breach of Promise, lines on a, 156 - - Bret Harte, verses by, 38, 154, 162 - - Brook, the, parody on, 39 - - Brooks, Shirley, lines by, 30 - - Brownrigg, Mrs., lines on, 26 - - Buckland, Professor, Dirge on, 146 - - Bunker Hill, alliterative lines on, 204 - - Burial of Sir John Moore, parodies on, 27, 28 - - Burnand, F. C., parody by, 46 - - Burns, mosaic poem on, 225 - - Burton, Mrs., parody by, 49 - - Buttes, Thomas, acrostic by, 199 - - Byrom, Mr., hymn by, 57; - lines by, 234 - - Byron, parody on style of, 21 - - - Calverly, Mr., 39, 41 - - Camden on Anagrams, 188 - - Canning and Frere, 26 - - Captain Smith and Pocahontas, 113 - - Carlyle, Thomas, anagram on, 196 - - Carmen ad Terry, 96 - - Carol, Christmas, 61 - - Carpette, Knyghte, ye, 42 - - Carroll, Lewis, parodies by, 42, 43, 50; - lines by, 218 - - Ce Meme Vieux Coon, 94 - - Centennial Exhibition, the, lines on, 51 - - Chain Verses, 53 - - Chanson without music, 89 - - Chinese English, 122 - - Clara Morchella Deliciosa, To, 152 - - Clock, the Musical, 54 - - Clubbis Noster, 81 - - Coincidences and Contrarieties, 138 - - Colin Clout, Boke of, 62 - - College macaronics, 110, 112 - - Collins, Mortimer, lines by, 33, 34, 105 - - Comic Latin Grammar, lines from, 73 - - Concatenation Verse, 53 - - Contenti Abeamus, 86 - - Correspondents, To, 238 - - Cotton Mather, 192 - - Crabbe, parody on, 16 - - Crawford, Mrs., 209 - - Cremation, 47, 48 - - Cumulative Parodying, 247 - - - Davies' Analytical, Ode to, 159 - - Dean Swift, 111 - - Death of the Sea-Serpent, 77 - - De Leguleo, 88 - - "Detection," Harsnett's, 62 - - Dirge on Professor Buckland, 146 - - Disraeli, Benjamin, 243 - - Diversions of the Echo Club, 36 - - Doctor, Southey's, 190 - - Druggist, Lament of an unfortunate, 157 - - Drury Lane, a tale of, 22 - - Drury Rev. H., 229 - - - Earth, 251 - - Echo Club, Diversions of the, 36 - - Echo and the Lover, 230 - - Echo on Woman, a Gentle, 229 - - Elessde, 250 - - Elizabeth, Queen, acrostic on, 200 - - English Language, the, 139 - - Epitaph, macaronic, 110 - - Epitaph on Dr. Maginn, 175 - - Epode of Horace, the Second, 67 - - Eve's Legend, 220 - - Evil, anagram on, 197 - - Evolution, 168 - - - Fable for Critics, the, 242 - - Fair "Come-Outer," the, 106 - - Fate of Nassan, the, 223 - - Felis-itous, Very, 93 - - Fireside Amusements, poem from, 227 - - Fonseca's Guide to English, 115 - - Footman Joe, 181 - - Four Brothers, the, 107 - - Friend at Parting, to a, 100 - - - Geddes, Dr., 59 - - Gentle Echo on Woman, 229 - - "Gentle Shepherd," the sign of the, 109 - - Geological Address, a, 154 - - Geological Madrigal, a, 162 - - Gilbert, W. S., lines by, 218 - - Goldsmith, parody on lines by, 30 - - Guide to English, a New, 115 - - - Harte, Bret, verses by, 38, 154, 162 - - Hegemon of Thasos, 10 - - Henry Martin the Regicide, 26 - - Hey diddle diddle, new version of, 127 - - Holland, Lord, 220 - - Holmes, Dr., macaronic by, 89 - - Homoeopathic Soup, 165 - - Hone's Every-Day Book, 60 - - Hood, Thomas, parody by, 27, 29; - verses by, 248 - - Horace, Second Epode of, 67 - - Household Words, lines from, 216 - - How the Daughters come down at Dunoon, 45 - - Hunting of the Snark, 218 - - Husband's Complaint, the, 164 - - Hussey, Mrs. Margaret, 174 - - Hymn, by Mr. Byrom, 57 - - - Ich bin Dein, 85 - - "If," by Mortimer Collins, 33 - - Ignoramus, Scene from play of, 63 - - Inscription on Mrs. Brownrigg's cell, 26 - - - Jack and Jill, 108; - new version of, 126 - - Jack Horner, new version of, 126 - - Jeffrey, Lord, 16 - - Johnson, Dr., 112, 171 - - - Kehama, parody on Southey's, 20 - - Knox Ward, 156 - - - Lady, To a, 182 - - Lament of an Unfortunate Druggist, 157 - - Lang, Dr., 131 - - Lasphrise, M., 53 - - Laureate's Journey, the, 31 - - Lay of Macaroni, the, 207 - - Leguleo, De, 88 - - Leigh, Henry S., 31, 46 - - Leland, Mr. Charles G., 115, 216. - - Lines by a Fond Lover, 219 - - Little Bo-peep, 108; - new rendering of, 129 - - Little Miss Muffit, new version of, 127 - - Little Red Riding Hood, 83 - - Love Story, an original, 143 - - Lowell, J. Russell, 242 - - Lydia Green, 97 - - - Macaulay, travesty on, 31; - a letter of, 239 - - Maginn, Dr., 67; - epitaph on, 175 - - Mahony, Rev. Francis, 129 - - Malum Opus, 95 - - Man and the Ascidian, 161 - - Mark Twain, 112 - - "Mary's Little Lamb," new versions of, 127, 128 - - Microscopic Serenade, 148 - - Milman, lines from, 235 - - Milton, Parody on, 11 - - Moments, the Watch's, 235 - - Monk, Duke of Albemarle, 192 - - Monosyllabic Song, 249 - - Moore, parodies on, 21, 22, 45, 46 - - Morituri te Salutant, 169 - - Mosaic poems, 224 - - Musical Ass, the, 176 - - Musical Clock, the, 54 - - Mycological Serenade, a, 152 - - My Love, 241 - - - Nahum Fay on the loss of his wife, 179 - - Native names, 132 - - New Versions of Nursery Rhymes, 125-128 - - Nursery Rhymes, new versions of, 125-127 - - - Ode to Davies' Analytical, 159 - - Ode to a Skylark, Shelley's, 212 - - O'Keefe, Song by, 66 - - Only Seven, 32 - - Original Love Story, 143 - - Orpheus C. Kerr Papers, the, 132 - - Owed to my Creditors, 142 - - - Palmer, Professor E. H., verses by, 121, 214 - - Palmerston, Lord, anagram on, 196 - - Parterre, the, 121 - - Patmore, Mr. Coventry, 239 - - Pennell, H. C., parody by, 44, 45 - - Philips, John, 11 - - Pidgin English, 122 - - Planche, Mr., songs by, 50; - acrostic by, 201 - - Pliocene Skull, to the, 154 - - Pocahontas and Captain Smith, 113 - - Poe, Edgar A., parodies on, 36, 38; - acrostic by, 202 - - Polished Poem, a, 245 - - Polka, the, 81 - - Pome of a Possum, 102 - - Pony Lost, 241 - - Pope, alliterative lines by, 211 - - Prevalent Poetry, 144 - - Prince Charles after Culloden, 205 - - Printer, the, 241 - - Procuratores, lines on the, 35 - - Promissory Note, the, 36 - - - Radenovitch, the, 180 - - Recipe for Salad, a, 34 - - Recognition, the, 40 - - Red Riding Hood, Little, 83 - - Rejected Addresses, the, 15 - - Rex Midas, 70 - - Rhyme for Musicians, a, 135 - - Rhymes, nursery, new versions of, 125-128 - - Robert Burns, mosaic poem on, 225 - - Roman Nose, the, 170 - - Rudiger, Andreas, 191 - - Ruggles' Ignoramus, 63 - - Ruling Power, the, 178 - - - St. George et his Dragon, 79 - - Salad, recipe for, 34 - - Scott, Sir Walter, parody on, 22 - - Sea-Serpent, the, 76 - - Serenade, microscopic, 148 - - Serenade, mycological, 152 - - Sermon, a Temperance, 145 - - "Serve-um-Right," 99 - - Sheridan, Dr., 111; - lines by, 172, 173 - - Shipwreck, the, 214 - - Shootover Papers, the, 35 - - Skelton, poet-laureate, 62, 174 - - Slidell and Mason, 92 - - Smith, Dr. Charles, epitaph by, 149 - - Smith, James and Horace, 15 - - Smith, Sydney, 111 - - Soliloquy in Hamlet, parodies on, 46, 47 - - Solo, the, 241 - - Song from Garrick Collection, 249 - - Southey's Kehama, parody on, 20 - - Spelling Reform, 141 - - Splendid Shilling, the, 11 - - Sun-dial, lines on a, 237 - - Surnames, 136 - - Swift, Dean, 111 - - - Tale of Drury Lane, a, 22 - - Taylor, Bayard, lines by, 36 - - Teetotum, the, 108 - - Temperance Sermon, a, 145 - - Tennyson, parodies on, 39, 40 - - That Thirty-four! 52 - - Theatre, the, 16 - - Thirty-Five, 171 - - Thompson, George, anagram on, 195 - - To a Friend at Parting, 100 - - To a Lady with a Watch, 236 - - Toast--a Sott, 195 - - Topside-Galow, 123 - - Treatise on Wine, a, 73 - - Truth, chain verse on, 57 - - "Truth," parody from, 51 - - Twinkle, twinkle, little star, new versions of, 125, 131 - - - Unfortunate Druggist, lament of an, 157 - - - Valentine, a, 92 - - Very Felis-itous, 93 - - Victor Hugo, lines by, 112 - - Viner, Sir Robert, 193 - - Visitors' Books, lines from, 109 - - - Watch-case verses, 232 - - "We met," &c., 29 - - Whalley, Peter, anagram on, 194 - - Wig and the Hat, the, 95, 183 - - Wilson, John, 193 - - Wine, a Treatise on, 73 - - Wordsworth, parody on, 32 - - - Yacht Alphabet, a, 213 - - "You are old, Father William," 43 - - Yriarte, Tomaso de, 177 - - -_Printed by Ballantyne, Hanson & Co. Edinburgh and London._ - - - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[1] Two well-known alehouses in Oxford, about 1700. - -[2] From the "Carols of Cockayne." - -[3] "'What do you mean by the reference to Greeley?' - -"'I thought everybody had heard that Greeley's only autograph of Poe was a -signature to a promissory note for fifty dollars. He offers to sell it for -half the money.'"--_Diversions of the Echo Club._ - -[4] Macmillan & Co., London. - -[5] See "Alice in Wonderland." - -[6] Reference may also be made here to a recent work, "The Heptalogia; or -the Seven against Sense," a book wholly devoted to parody, the merits of -which could not be shown by extracts, but requires to be read at length to -be properly estimated. - -[7] "Ladles"--_i.e._, very spooney. - -[8] Maginn died at Walton-on-Thames, 21st August 1842. He was one of the -gayest, brightest, and wittiest of those reckless litterateurs who half a -century ago worshipped with equal devotion at the shrines of Apollo and -Bacchus. - -[9] Chatto and Windus, London. - -[10] Macmillan & Co., London. - -[11] London: Chatto & Windus. - - - - -EXTRACTS FROM NOTICES OF - -"_LITERARY FRIVOLITIES, FANCIES, FOLLIES, AND FROLICS_." - -(Uniform with the present volume, post 8vo, cloth limp, 2s. 6d.) - - -"This is a new volume of the popular Mayfair Library, and it well deserves -its place. In such a book selection and arrangement are everything.... Mr. -Dobson really knows what to choose and what to reject; he has also a -feeling for good arrangement, and has made a most attractive volume.... -For an odd half-hour or for a long journey we could hardly imagine -anything better, and we trust the book may find the encouragement it so -well deserves."--_British Quarterly Review._ - -"'Literary Frivolities' is an absolutely delightful companion for an -unoccupied half-hour. It is a book which may with equal pleasure be read -all through or dipped into at any point, and the collection of literary -triflings it supplies is admirably ample."--_Gentleman's Magazine._ - -"This is a pleasant and amusing little volume. It contains a great deal of -curious information, and shows a very creditable amount of research.... We -may end as we began, by commending 'Literary Frivolities' as a capital -book of its sort."--_Athenaeum._ - -"This latest volume of the bright little 'Mayfair Library' is an -entertaining contribution to the literature of 'inert hours,' and will -sufficiently initiate its readers into all the mysteries of bouts-rimes, -palindromes, lipograms, centones and figurate poems."--_Notes and -Queries._ - -"A more delightful little work it has seldom been our lot to take in hand. -Mr. Dobson has made a study of all the eccentricities and frivolities -which have from time to time been perpetrated by writers in prose and -verse.... Mr. Dobson had gone into his work in a catholic spirit, and has -done it with great neatness and ability. It would be difficult to commend -the book too highly. It is a volume alike for holiday purposes, and for -other purposes more serious in connection with literature."--_Scotsman._ - -"Mr. Dobson has done his work well.... The book is very interesting and -entertaining, and has a still higher claim to our regard as a curious -chapter in the history of literature."--_Examiner._ - -"Not a few of the pages will raise a hearty laugh, and this fact alone -disposes us to regard the book with marked favour. A good index has not -been forgotten, and the volume in all ways reflects high credit on its -author."--_Brief._ - -"This is a queer collection of interesting nothings, a record of some of -the literary playthings wherewith men have sought at one time and another -to beguile the road towards the darkness. Here are quips and cranks, -strange forms of prose and verse; monstrosities of rhythms. It is all very -interesting, and shows a heavy amount of research on the part of the -compiler."--_Vanity Fair._ - -"Great fun is shown in almost every page of 'Literary Frivolities.'... The -'Mayfair Library' will do well if it gives us many books like Mr. -Dobson's."--_Graphic._ - -"It is quite certain that there have been thousands of not only -intelligent, but grave and learned persons who have taken pride as well as -pleasure in the accomplishment of such exploits, and that there are tens -of thousands who will be greatly entertained, if not roused to emulation, -by the pretty little volume consecrated to the commemoration and to -illustrative samples of those exploits.... It is provided with an index, a -very useful addition, and it is undoubtedly a bright, amusing, and not -altogether uninstructive publication."--_Illustrated London News._ - -"Mr. Dobson deserves credit for the pains he has taken."--_Spectator._ - -"A miscellaneous and highly amusing collection of literary -curiosities."--_Bookseller._ - -"An amusing volume.... An account of a great many of those curious puzzles -and tasks in which the literary mind delights."--_Teacher._ - -"A collection, a most exhaustive one, of the vagaries indulged in from -remote ages down to the present day by literary triflers."--_Whitehall -Review._ - -"A very entertaining little book.... Exceedingly interesting, and may be -heartily recommended."--_Nottingham Guardian._ - -"A capital little book.... A cheap and neat volume which no editor or -printer should be without."--_Printing Times and Lithograther._ - -"One of the most quaintly amusing books we have seen for a long -time."--_Edinburgh Evening Express._ - -"For a man or woman endowed with literary tastes, and who, for want of -regular work to do, sometimes longs for new methods of 'killing time,' -this collection of frivolities and oddities might prove a fruitful source -of amusement. Its author is a scholarly and well-read man; and in -preparing this book he must have put himself to an infinitude of -pains."--_Edinburgh Daily Review._ - -"The little volume is pleasantly and learnedly written."--_One and All._ - - -CHATTO AND WINDUS, PICCADILLY, W. - - - - -Transcriber's Notes: - -Passages in italics are indicated by _italics_. - -The original text contains a few letters with diacritical marks that are -not represented in this text version. - -The original text includes Greek characters. For this text version these -letters have been replaced with transliterations. - -The original text includes various symbols that are represented as -[Symbol] in this text version. - - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Poetical Ingenuities and Eccentricities, by Various - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POETICAL INGENUITIES, ECCENTRICITIES *** - -***** This file should be named 40124.txt or 40124.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/0/1/2/40124/ - -Produced by Bryan Ness and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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