diff options
Diffstat (limited to '39315-h/39315-h.htm')
| -rw-r--r-- | 39315-h/39315-h.htm | 2205 |
1 files changed, 2205 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/39315-h/39315-h.htm b/39315-h/39315-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7c47a65 --- /dev/null +++ b/39315-h/39315-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2205 @@ + +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Punch, November 12, 1887.</title> +<style type="text/css"> +<!-- +body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} +p {text-align: justify;} +p.author {margin-top: -1em; margin-right: 5%; text-align: right;} +p.center {text-align: center;} +p.indent {text-indent: 1.5em;} +blockquote {text-align: justify;} +h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} +pre {font-size: 0.7em;} +hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} +html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} +hr.full {width: 100%;} +html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} +hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} +html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} +.note {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} +span.pagenum {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} +span.cursive {font-family: "Blackmoor LET", cursive;} +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps; font-weight: normal;} +.poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} +.poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} +.poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} +.poem p.i4 {margin-left: 3em;} +.figure {padding-right: 1em; padding-left: 1em; font-size: 0.8em; padding-bottom: 1em; margin: 0px; padding-top: 1em; text-align: center;} +.figcenter {padding-right: 1em; padding-left: 1em; font-size: 0.8em; padding-bottom: 1em; margin: 0px; padding-top: 1em; text-align: center;} +.figright {padding-right: 1em; padding-left: 1em; font-size: 0.8em; padding-bottom: 1em; margin: 0px; padding-top: 1em; text-align: center;} +.figleft {padding-right: 1em; padding-left: 1em; font-size: 0.8em; padding-bottom: 1em; margin: 0px; padding-top: 1em; text-align: center;} +.figure img {border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-style: none;} +.figcenter img {border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-style: none;} +.figright img {border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-style: none;} +.figleft img {border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-style: none;} +.figure p {margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em;} +.figcenter p {margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em;} +.figright p {margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em;} +.figleft p {margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em;} .figure p.in {margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em;} +.figcenter p.in {margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em;} +.figright p.in {margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em;} +.figleft p.in {margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em;} +.figcenter {margin: auto;} +.figright {float: right;} +.figleft {float: left;} +--> +.footnotes {border: dashed 1px; background-color: #CCCCCC;} +.footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} +.footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} +.fnanchor { + vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: + none; +} +div.tnote { + border-style: dotted; + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + padding: 1%; + font-style: normal; + font-size: 90%; + text-align: justify; +} +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 93, +Nov. 11, 1887, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license + + +Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 93, Nov. 11, 1887 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: March 31, 2012 [EBook #39315] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, +Ernest Schaal and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team +at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h1>PUNCH,<br /> +OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + +<h2>Vol. 93.</h2> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<h2>NOVEMBER 12, 1887.</h2> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page217" id="page217"></a>[pg 217]</span></p> + +<h2>THE LETTER-BAG OF TOBY, M.P.</h2> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">From a Home-sick Secretary.</span></p> + +<p class="author"><i>By Guildford, Saturday.</i></p> + +<img src="images/217a1.png" width="567" height="340" alt="" title="" /><br /> +<img src="images/217a2.png" width="329" height="352" alt="D" title="D" /> +<span style="display:none;">D</span><span class="smcap">ear Toby</span> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">I hope</span> you will forgive my not +being more precise as to my whereabouts. +The fact is if I can get +away from London for a day or two +without leaving my address, I am +only too glad to do so. I was at +the Cabinet Council on Thursday, +afterwards ran down here, <i>et j'y +reste</i>, at any rate over Sunday. I +am getting more and more tired of +London, and the office sardonically +called "Home." It has never +been a sweet resting-place, and +of late has grown absolutely +intolerable. I used once to have +Sunday to myself; but now, owing +to the new-born church-going fervour +of the Unemployed, Sunday is +the worst day of the week. So +when opportunity offers, as just +now, I cut the whole business and get me into the sweet seclusion of Surrey.</p> + +<p class="indent">I see by the papers that I am about to resign office, and retire into that private +life, upon which during the past twelve months I have looked back with +increasing affection. Perhaps the statement is true, and perhaps the Markiss +would say it is "not authentic." We shall see. In the mean time, at this +distance from Parliament Street, I get the advantage of perspective in regarding +the office of Home Secretary. Down here it seems odd enough that it should +be so much hankered after by men of various temperaments. <span class="smcap">H-nry J-m-s</span> +wanted it at the time <span class="smcap">H-rc-rt</span> secured it. It had a strange fascination for +<span class="smcap">L-we</span>, and I am disclosing no secret when I mention that my old friend and +patron, <span class="smcap">Gr-nd-lph</span>, fancies it would suit him down to the ground. I only wish +he would try it. If I were certain that he would come in, it might have some +effect in hastening my decision on the question of resignation. Of course +<span class="smcap">Gr-nd-lph</span> and I remain on terms of friendliest regard. I am indebted to him +for a sudden promotion exceeding the hopes of the most sanguine politician. +Still, I would like to see him at the Home Office, if only for a short six months. +He is serenely confident he could grapple with the situation. <span class="smcap">Johnny Russell</span> +was quite a nervous, modest person, compared with <span class="smcap">Gr-nd-lph</span>. I should really +like to see my old friend in my old chair.</p> + +<p class="indent">The post, of course, has its attractions. It is no small thing to be principal +Secretary of State, with a seat in the Cabinet, and an adequate salary. But, +to tell the truth, dear <span class="smcap">Toby</span>, the Home Secretary lives too near the People to +have an uninterruptedly pleasant time. He is too close to, and too frequently +under, the public eye. It is like working in a glass hive. A Foreign Secretary +labours in secret in the Samoan Islands, or some equally remote quarter, and +months elapse before the publication of the Blue Book places his labour under +the criticism of the public. The Secretary for the Colonies works under similar +conditions, whilst the First Lord of the Admiralty and the War Secretary, +except upon rare occasions, have only their respective Services to deal with.</p> + +<p class="indent">But the Home Secretary is, necessarily, always at home to impertinent +lookers-in, or idle callers who have not sufficient business of their own to attend +to. If anything goes wrong with the water or the gas, if a country Magistrate +makes a more than usually particular ass of himself, if a policeman arrests the +wrong woman in Regent Street, if there is a procession through the parks or +a meeting in Trafalgar Square, it's ever the Home Secretary that is wrathfully +turned to for explanation. When things go well with London or the Provinces, +you never hear the Home Secretary's name mentioned. The condition of +affairs may be due to his admirable administration, but +there is no recognition of his agency. On the other hand, +if the least thing connected with his department goes +wrong, he is held personally responsible, and the fiendish +newspapers fall upon him.</p> + +<p class="indent">That is my experience after a little more than twelve +months in office, and if I am a little wearied of it who +shall blame me? Why should I remain the butt of all +the captious critics throughout the country? I have no +hour, except these stolen ones, that I can call my own. +All the pleasures and recreations of private life are +swallowed up in official cares. Why should I longer +submit to be engulfed in this state of slavery? I am +not in the absolute prime of youth; but still, as we +Statesmen go, I am not old. For example, I have seen +but two summers more than that elderly young beau, +<span class="smcap">H-nry J-m-s</span>. Someone once said of me, that for my +recorded age, I had the youngest-looking body in the +House of Commons. That is a subtle distinction, the +value of which I cannot grasp. I know that I have been +a buck in my time, and if I only get my time to myself +once more, I may again become as ornamental as I am +now useful. I will think it over, and probably in the +course of the next few weeks you may hear what +resolution I have taken.</p> + +<p class="author">Yours faithfully, <span class="smcap">H-nry M-tth-ws</span>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>A BLACK AFFAIR AT HAYTI.</h2> + +<p class="indent">The Foreign Office, whether represented by Lord +<span class="smcap">Salisbury</span> or Lord <span class="smcap">Rosebery</span>,—two "berries," so that we +are to judge of the worth of our Foreign Office by its +berries, not by its fruits,—ought to be hauled over the +coals—the victim's name being suggestive of this process—by +the British Public. Mr. <span class="smcap">Coles</span> was innocent of +the charge brought against him, was convicted in the +face of evidence; and as there was no one to screen +<span class="smcap">Coles</span>, poor <span class="smcap">Coles—Coles</span> down again!—was shovelled +into a black hole, which was, <i>pro. tem.</i>, a <span class="smcap">Coles</span> cellar. +After sixteen months of Haytian bonds, and being kept +in durance by Haytian Black Guards, the energy of the +British F. O. obtained for the unfortunate prisoner a free +pardon! But no further redress, except the offer of £500, +which <span class="smcap">Coles</span> couldn't be "cokes'd" into accepting. Now +this matter of Hayti and <span class="smcap">Coles</span> is a very black affair. +What is going to be done? Do we leave <span class="smcap">Coles</span> and +scuttle? Surely so gross a wrong perpetrated in Hayti +ought to have been put right in Hayti-seven.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">The most Litigious Person on Record.</span>—The man +who had all his invitations properly stamped at Somerset +House, and then brought an action against his hosts for +breach of agreement if a dinner happened to be put off.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>"MUMPSIMUS!"</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:50%;"> +<a href="images/217b.png"><img width="100%" src="images/217b.png" alt="" /></a> + +<p>Reminiscence of a celebrated and highly popular picture, +adapted to the painful circumstance announced last week by +<i>Truth</i>; namely, that the Chorister Boys at a certain Cathedral +have all got the Mumps.</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page218" id="page218"></a>[pg 218]</span></p> + +<h2>HIS FIRST APPEARANCE AT THE CAFÉ DES AMBASSADEURS.</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:80%;"> +<a href="images/218.png"><img width="100%" src="images/218.png" alt="" /></a><p class="center">OWEN MEREDITH, <i>ALIAS</i> LORD LYTTON, TRANSLATED INTO FRENCH.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Lord L-tt-n sings</i>:—</p> +</div> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p><i>Love's Metamorphoses</i> I sang of late,</p> +<p class="i2">"My Unglenaverilled Glenaveril"</p> +<p>Puzzled the Public's unpoetic pate.</p> +<p class="i2">Wit, like my sire's imaginary <i>Vril</i>,</p> +<p>Is thaumaturgic. I have served the State</p> +<p class="i2">In various ways with elegance and skill;</p> +<p>But <i>my</i> "last Metamorphosis," I opine,</p> +<p>Out of Glenaveril's wholly takes the shine.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>From "<span class="smcap">Owen Meredith</span>," of Servian song,</p> +<p class="i2">Translator (who said through the French?) to this!</p> +<p>The course, like my Serb falcon's flight, is long.</p> +<p class="i2">The proletariat possibly may hiss.</p> +<p>I scorn the anserine Gladstonian throng,</p> +<p class="i2">Whose mouthpiece is the <i>Gaily Dews</i>. I wis</p> +<p>That nickname shows a polish and a fire</p> +<p>Of wit well worthy my prodigious Sire.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>When I wrote <i>Aux Italiens</i> long ago</p> +<p class="i2">(And <i>Trovatore</i> rhymed with purgatory)</p> +<p>I little thought Paris one day should know</p> +<p class="i2">The bard in an Ambassador's full glory.</p> +<p>Ah! I shall miss the Oriental show</p> +<p class="i2">Of Ind—but that is scarce a pleasant story,</p> +<p>And, after all, I fancy that my <i>Charis</i></p> +<p>Had always, more or less, a touch of Paris.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>"<i>Lucile</i>," for instance! Well, I've wandered far</p> +<p class="i2">From my old <i>Wanderer</i> days; <i>tout mieux</i>, perchance.</p> +<p>Better to be a diplomatic star</p> +<p class="i2">Than a poetic shade. Beloved France,</p> +<p>To ape thy <i>jeunesse dorée</i> will not jar</p> +<p class="i2">Upon my spirit, which is all romance:</p> +<p>I love the blend of the sublime and finical,</p> +<p>Of chivalry, choice cookery, and the cynical.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p><span class="smcap">Chamberlain</span>—<i>did</i> I dub him once a scold,</p> +<p class="i2">A leaner, later <i>Casca</i>? I was wrong—</p> +<p>Is off to Canada, and <span class="smcap">Balbo</span> bold</p> +<p class="i2">(I called him bilious once, but 'twas in song)</p> +<p>Is with us now, I hope the league may hold.</p> +<p class="i2">Who now dubs <span class="smcap">Joseph</span>—though of course he's strong—</p> +<p>"The secret despot of a Cabinet,</p> +<p>That dare not disregard his faintest threat?"</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>Forgive the thought, <i>Cæcilius</i>! Whether <span class="smcap">Joe</span></p> +<p><i>Has</i> put his foot in it, and bowed still more</p> +<p>Your "large Olympian forehead," I don't know;</p> +<p class="i2">But I can see that it must be a bore</p> +<p>To have your diplomats run wild. I go</p> +<p class="i2">With other purpose to a nearer shore;</p> +<p>And soon I hope your confidence to win,</p> +<p>And prove no ass, though in the <span class="smcap">Lyons'</span> skin!</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">The "Wild West" finished up +rather tamely. Lord <span class="smcap">Lorne</span> and +others, with, we presume, the Honourable +<span class="smcap">Buffalo Bill Cody</span>, palavered +about an International Arbitration +Court. If the Hon. and Rev. <span class="smcap">Bill</span>—"Reverend" +because, as he tells us, +he once performed the part of a clergyman +and married a couple, pronouncing +a formula which, being a close +parody on the words of the solemn +rite, need not be repeated here, though +they evidently struck him as a bright +idea,—has anything to do with it, we +shall hear of the rules of this new +Court (not Earl's Court) being at +once codi-fied.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Restitution With Resignation.</span>—M. +<span class="smcap">Wilson</span> gave up 40,000 francs' +worth of postage. Will M. <span class="smcap">Grévy</span> +give up the post altogether?</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Another Motto for Augustus +Druriolanus.</span>—He does not say, +"Peace with Honour," but "Piece +with <span class="smcap">Merritt</span>."</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent">"<span class="smcap">The Rough Element</span>"—last +week, was—the Sea.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page219" id="page219"></a>[pg 219]</span></p> + +<h2><span class="cursive">Jenny Lind.</span></h2> + +<p class="indent"><i>Born at Stockholm, October 6, 1821. Married Herr Otto +Goldschmidt, February 5, 1852. Died, November 2, 1887.</i></p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="indent"> +"She never lost her interest in the two chief objects of her +life, music and charity."—<i>Times.</i></p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>Music and Charity! Of all things mortal,</p> +<p class="i2">What sweeteners of our lives may match these twain?</p> +<p>What draweth hearts nearer the heavenly portal</p> +<p class="i2">Than mercy's impulse, melody's moving strain?</p> +<p class="i4">Well chosen, singer sweet!</p> +<p>Great gifts, and the large love of giving meet,</p> +<p class="i2">Well harmonised in <span class="smcap">Jenny Lind's</span> career;</p> +<p>These made her life delight, these make her memory dear.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p><i>Punch</i>, of well-fitting phrases ready minter,</p> +<p class="i2">Christened his favourite forty years ago;</p> +<p>Hailed as "The Nightingale that Sings in Winter,"<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a></p> +<p class="i2">The Swedish songstress whom the voice of woe</p> +<p class="i4">Moved ever, as her own</p> +<p class="i2">Moved the applauding multitude; alone,</p> +<p>Amidst the stars of Opera's tuneful quire,</p> +<p>To succour ever prompt as potent to inspire!</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>"Dear <span class="smcap">Jenny Lind</span>!" So then his song addressed her</p> +<p class="i2">Who still is "<span class="smcap">Jenny Lind</span>," and still is dear.</p> +<p>Though Genius praised, and Fashion's crowd caressed her,</p> +<p class="i2">She sank not, like some stars, below her sphere</p> +<p class="i4">Into those darkening mists</p> +<p class="i2">Whose taint the true and tender heart resists.</p> +<p>Her nature fame was powerless to soil,</p> +<p>Whom splendour hardened not, and puffery could not spoil.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>How the crowd rushed and crushed, and cheered and clamoured,</p> +<p class="i2">Forty years syne, to hang upon her song!</p> +<p>Of <i>La Sonnambula's</i> heroine enamoured,</p> +<p class="i2">Thrilled by the flute-like trillings sweet as strong</p> +<p class="i4">Of their dear Nightingale.</p> +<p class="i2"><i>Amina</i>, <i>Lucia</i>, <i>Alice</i>, each they'd hail</p> +<p>With fervent plaudits, in whose flush and stir</p> +<p>Love of her silvery song was blent with love of her.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>And each well earned! The crowd would press and jostle</p> +<p class="i2">To hear their favourite warbler, from whose throat,</p> +<p>Clear as the lark, and mellow as the throstle,</p> +<p class="i2">The limpid melody would soar and float.</p> +<p class="i4">Now like a shattered lute,</p> +<p class="i2">The Nightingale who sang in winter's mute;</p> +<p>But long remembered that pure life shall be,</p> +<p>To Music dedicate and vowed to Charity.</p> +</div> +</div> + +<div class="footnotes"> +<div class="footnote"> +<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a> +<span class="label"><a href="#FNanchor_1_1">[A]</a></span> +See <i>Punch</i>, Vol. XVI., p. 15.</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:60%;"> +<a href="images/219.png"><img width="100%" src="images/219.png" alt="" /></a> +<h2>"THE LABOUR MARKET."</h2> + +<p class="indent"><i>First East Countryman.</i> "<span class="smcap">Shall yeaou Voote for the Dis'tablishment o' +th' Chu'ch?</span>"</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Second Ditto (firmly).</i> "No; thar I 'on't, Bo'! Work's scass enow as +<span class="smcap">'t is—but if we was to hev all them Parsons tu'nned out, an' goin' +'bout Ploughin', An' Hedgin', An' Mowin', An' Harvestin', we should be +wuss off than we are now!</span>"</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>"THE BEARING OF IT LIES IN THE APPLICATION."</h2> + +<p class="indent">"Spare no efforts to maintain the magnificent inheritance which +has descended from your forefathers," said Mr. <span class="smcap">Chamberlain</span>, when +bidding a temporary good-bye to Birmingham.</p> + +<p class="indent">Well, it is a magnificent inheritance, and most certainly it is our +duty, as well as our interest, to maintain it. But how? Magnificent +as it is, it has certain incumbrances; memories of wrongs unredressed, +actualities of mismanagement unremoved. To maintain <i>these</i> is not +to improve the inheritance, and enable us to hand it down better +worth maintaining by those who will inherit it from us. As stewards +of the splendid patrimony of empire, we must not only keep it +together, but properly—that is, justly and sagaciously—administer it, +which, indeed, is the only sure and safe way of maintaining it. The +accumulated mortgage of our ancestors' errors and misdeeds is, unfortunately, +but inevitably, a part of our "inheritance." To pay it +off may seem a burdensome duty, but a duty it is, in the resolute +doing, not the haughty ignoring or cowardly shirking, of which we +shall be at least as truly "maintaining our inheritance," as by stroke +of sword, or statute of coercion. <i>Verb. sap</i>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">We see a book advertised by Messrs. <span class="smcap">Kegan, Paul & Co.</span>, called +<i>Tertium Quid</i>. Ask an Eton Boy, about Christmas time, or when +he is going back to school, what is the translation of <i>Tertium Quid</i>, +and he will probably hold out his hand and reply, "The third +sovereign—but I'll take one to go on with, or to go off with." Well, +you can "owe him one" for that.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">What's in a Name?</span>—The person who ought to write a weird +Christmas story is, evidently, the Author of <i>Bootles' Baby, That +Imp!</i> &c., <span class="smcap">John Strange Winter</span>.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Motto for the New Lord Mayor.</span>—"<i>Aut Keyser aut nullus.</i>"</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>THE FISHERS.</h2> + +<p class="center">(<i>Some way after Kingsley.</i>)</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>The Fishers went sailing North, South, East, and West,</p> +<p class="i2">And they raised lots of rows ere the sun went down.</p> +<p>Each fancied the foreigners' waters the best,</p> +<p class="i2">And wished in those waters to let his nets down.</p> +<p>And Commissions must work and Statesmen must weep,</p> +<p>And weary with trying the peace for to keep,</p> +<p class="i2">Whilst the Public heart is groaning.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>The Smack-owners rush to Lord <span class="smcap">Salisbury's</span> side,</p> +<p class="i2">And genial <span class="smcap">Joseph's</span> to Canada gone;</p> +<p>And the end of this selfishness, temper, and pride,</p> +<p class="i2">Will be a great big all-round fight ere all's done,</p> +<p>Unless men will try their hot tempers to keep,</p> +<p>And establish some rule of fair-play on the deep,</p> +<p class="i2">For which honest hearts are all moaning.</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Political Sepulture.</span>—The Senior Member for Northampton +lately told his constituents that:—</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="indent"> +"The Conservatives were digging their own graves, and it was about the +only good and sensible thing they possibly could do."</p> +</blockquote> + +<p class="indent">But if they wanted an interment, the Home-Rulers could supply +them with a <span class="smcap">Sexton</span> ready and willing to save them that trouble.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent">"<span class="smcap">The Scarcity of Hares.</span>"—It is so stated. But it's only a +bald statement.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Letts' Diaries.</span>—There are two sorts of Letts: The Out-Letts for +1887, and the In-Letts for 1888. Letts get 'em.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page220" id="page220"></a>[pg 220]</span></p> + +<h2>SHOWS VIEWS.</h2> + +<p class="center"><i>By Victor Who-goes-Everywhere.</i></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;"> +<a href="images/220a.png"><img width="100%" src="images/220a.png" alt="" /></a> +</div> + +<p class="indent">Last week was remarkable for a number of <i>Matinées</i>. There were +two, each with a new Play, at the Vaudeville, in preparation +apparently for the disappearance of <i>Sophia</i>. The Author of one of the +pieces was, I fancy, Mr. <span class="smcap">Jones</span> +(the name fixed itself on my +memory), but I am not quite +so sure about the others. I +rather think the first play +was written in collaboration +possibly by Messrs. <span class="smcap">Brown</span> +and <span class="smcap">Robinson</span> to complete the +immortal <i>trio</i>. However, the +morning performance <i>par excellence</i>, +was the production +of a new and original poetical +drama in five Acts, called +<i>Nitrocris</i>, by <span class="smcap">Geo. Graves</span>, at +Drury Lane. This was really +a very interesting occasion, +as we were taken back to +<span class="smcap">B.C.</span> 1420, and I must admit +that I too was rather taken +aback when I found the +Early Egyptians talking of +the "Pharmacopœia," and +many other matters of a +yet more recent date. I supposed +this was local colouring, and when I saw the "Banquetting +Hall in the Palace," I felt sure that the Egyptian Court represented +belonged to the Nineteenth Century, and could be easily +discovered (either by season ticket or on payment of a shilling) in +Sydenham. The Author supplies a note in the official programme, +in which she informs the World that <span class="smcap">Amun-Mykera Nitocris</span> was +"handsome among women, and brave among men, and governed for +her husband with great splendour and much justice, though she is +rebuked by several of the ancient historians for her cruelty and +sensuality," and no doubt these facts have suggested the five long +Acts of the more or less poetical play. What story there is shows how +the adopted son of and apprentice to an Embalmer, after being left +to die in the Palace of <i>Nitocris</i> for refusing to join in an unpatriotic +toast, escapes, and twelve weeks later is lured back once more to the +Royal realms to reject the suddenly-kindled love of the Egyptian +Queen in favour of the affection of a Grecian orphan called <i>Soris</i>, +who happens to be staying on a visit with her swarthy Majesty. +Then <i>Soris</i> gets half-poisoned and entirely stabbed, and <i>Nitocris</i> and +the Embalmer's Apprentice repair to a "stretch of desert in the +neighbourhood of the Pyramids," to be drowned in an inundation +which is much talked about but never seen. As the Embalmer's +Apprentice, Mr. <span class="smcap">J. H. Barnes</span> fostered the impression that he was +either a very slow and dull pupil, or that the art of embalming had +taken him a middle-aged lifetime to thoroughly acquire. In the last +act he looked like a portly Friar of Orders Grey sadly in need of the +fast rising Nile. Mr. <span class="smcap">Robert Pateman</span> was good as a nigger +<i>Quasimodo</i>, who apparently had nothing in particular to do save to +murder Miss <span class="smcap">Alma Murray</span> when that popular young <i>tragédienne's</i> +sorrows became monotonous and required +curtailment in the interests of the audience. +Mr. <span class="smcap">Fernandez</span> too was useful as Chief of +the Magi, and Mr. <span class="smcap">Bernard Gould's</span> performance +would have been more pleasing +had he really died at the end of the Second +Act, instead of living to see the final fall of +the curtain. But this last was rather the +Author's than the actor's fault. Personally +I should have been better satisfied had every +one died at the end of the First Act, but I +confess I am a little exacting. On Wednesday, +after the "principals" had been +called and received more or less applause, there was a cry for the +Authoress, when to my surprise a lady in a semi-masculine costume +and seemingly in her "teens," made her way before the curtain. +This was young "<span class="smcap">Clo</span>,"—a most charming person to judge from her +personal appearance. There was a further "call" when a gentleman +of much maturer years was seen bowing. I do not know if he +was also a "<span class="smcap">Clo</span>,"—if so, he was unquestionably a much older +"<span class="smcap">Clo</span>"—in fact, quite an elderly "<span class="smcap">Clo</span>." Ages ago a wonderful piece +called <i>Nitocris</i> was played at Drury Lane for a few nights with +moderate success. In it was represented an inundation, that, if it +did not precisely resemble the waters of the rising Nile, at any rate +was a capital realisation of green-coloured muslin sprinkled with +spangles. I am afraid that young "<span class="smcap">Clo's</span>" poetical play will not +keep the stage much longer than its predecessor.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;"> +<a href="images/220b.png"><img width="100%" src="images/220b.png" alt="" /></a> <p>Full in Front.</p> +</div> + +<p class="indent">It was my good fortune to be present at the opening of the +Manchester Exhibition (which <i>Mr. Punch</i> very appropriately +christened the "Gem of the Jubilee,") and on Thursday last I again +paid it a visit with about sixty-five thousand other persons. In spite of +the hurricane of the preceding Monday, the building was in an +excellent condition, and the reproduction of the old part of the +ancient city had weathered the storm as if it had been intended to +remain for a thousand years instead of half-a-dozen months. I was +much struck with the extreme good-nature of a Lancashire crowd. +In the afternoon a severe shower of rain, which I fancy must have +come down from Town by the 10.10 Express from Euston (a train +which maintained the tradition of the L. & N. W. R. by +arriving to the minute) drove all the pleasure-seekers from the +grounds into the building, and for a moment there was an "ugly +block." Immediately the police and the other officials organised a +stream right and left, and when it was found that there were many +schools amongst the sight-seers, a cry of "Make way for the +children!" secured the safety of the little ones. The picture galleries +were as popular as ever, and I observed that the crowd generally +gathered in dense masses near the paintings with historical events as +their subjects. The arrival of the Princess of <span class="smcap">Wales</span> at Gravesend +was particularly favoured, and some regret was expressed that the +Benchers of the Middle Temple had required the return of the +portrait by <span class="smcap">Holl</span> of their Royal Treasurer. The splendid display +of the works of Mr. <span class="smcap">Watts</span> did not attract much attention, one lady +observing that it was "a pity that they had not been finished," and +their opposite neighbours by Mr. <span class="smcap">Burne-Jones</span>, were also a +little above the heads (in more senses than one) of the average +shilling public. But <span class="smcap">Landseer</span>, <span class="smcap">Millais</span>, <span class="smcap">Poynter</span> and <span class="smcap">Holman +Hunt</span> had thousands of earnest admirers, and there were always +enthusiastic groups in front of "<i>The Derby Day</i>" and "<i>Ramsgate +Sands</i>." It was delightful to walk through the galleries +devoted to this unique, this magnificent collection of purely +native Art, only saddened by the reflection that such an opportunity +would never offer itself again. The machinery, from another +point of view, was nearly as interesting. I have been present at +many Exhibitions, but have never seen anything to equal the display +of "works in operation." Both visitors and "hands" seemed to be +equally in earnest; the first to watch, and the second to work. Then +the music was excellent, as, indeed, it was obliged to be to satisfy +the requirements of Manchester connoisseurs, who are not to be put +off with second-rate bands. Lastly, the illuminated fountains were +absolutely fairy-like with their colours reflected from below the water- +line. +And this reminds me there was also something else fairy-like—the +<i>table d'hôte</i> dinner served in the Conservatory, which seemed +(with its many courses, of the daintiest proportions) to be exactly +suited to the wants of <i>Titania</i> and (if he took the hint printed on +the menu, and "requiring extra quantities of any of the dishes," +asked for more) of the robuster <i>Oberon</i>. The captious might certainly +have objected that the dessert would have been more satisfactory +had nut-crackers been supplied with the walnuts. I asked for a +pair, but was told by my waiter that he could get me none. No +doubt this little defect will be remedied when the contractor fulfils +his intention of catering next year at the Brussels Exhibition. But +this is a detail. For the rest, the Manchester celebration of the +Fiftieth Year of Her Majesty's reign has been worthy of the occasion; +and my second visit has fully confirmed the opinion (that was +expressed in May last) that the leading town of Lancashire has +produced the Gem of the Jubilee.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>JAW-HOLDING.</h2> + +<div class="figright" style="width:20%;"> +<a href="images/220c.png"><img width="100%" src="images/220c.png" alt="" /></a> <p>Hold your Jaw!</p> +</div> + +<p class="indent">At the dinner of the Nottingham Mechanics' Institution, the other +night, Mr. <span class="smcap">Phelps</span>, the American Minister, +advocated the establishment of a +Professorship of Silence in schools and +colleges. Good! There is too much +latitude given to jabberers and chatterers +in the present day. Politicians +do nothing but prate, and the talking +man nowadays has taken the place of +the working man. We might begin our +reform in the House of Commons. The +Sergeant-at-Arms might appoint a +beadle to bridle the tongues of the +everlasting talkers, and an official with +a large extinguisher should make them harmless after they had +bored the House for five minutes.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">To Several Correspondents.</span>—"Fox the Quaker." It is not +true that the birthday of this excellent man is celebrated in his +native place by an annual "meet." Fox was occasionally hunted, +but though a Quaker, it is not on record that he ever quaked. Our +Correspondents' mistake arises probably from Fox having been a +man of <i>pax</i>. But in this case his memory would be honoured by all +card-players.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page221" id="page221"></a>[pg 221]</span></p> + +<h2>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h2> + +<p class="indent">There is no better form of book, providing always the print be +clear and distinct, than the volume which is adapted practically in +price and size to the pocket. +One man's pocket is more capacious +than another's, as one +man's purse is longer than +another's, and the latter can +purchase a volume more expensively +got up than the small, +useful, charming travelling +companions that <i>Mr. Punch</i> +has at this moment actually in +view while others are in his +mind's eye, Horatio. <i>The +Handy-Volume Shakspeare</i> +(<span class="smcap">Bradbury, Agnew, & Co.</span>), +which in every way is the +model of a pocket-volume, the +model <i>par excellence</i>, is a +member of a family all in one +case, a perfect Christmas present. +But if one volume is +lost, the set is spoilt, and the +missing book cannot, in the +ordinary course of bookselling +nature, be replaced. Consequently only a very careful and methodical +person can venture upon travelling about with one of these +volumes as his pocket-companion. A little Shakespeare is a +dangerous thing. And this is why the small books belonging to +<i>Cassell's National Library,</i> price threepence apiece, ought to find +favour in the eyes of those who can read in a cab, in a coach, in a +train, or even walking. As to a man running and reading the +thing's almost impossible, and whoever saw a man on horseback +reading a book, except in an old print of <i>Doctor Syntax</i>? As the +snail carries his shell about with him, so every Englishman can +carry his own <i>Cassell</i>, and get rid of it too—which is more than the +snail can—and can lose it—and can replace it for the small sum of +threepence, or if secondhand (for being in limp covers they soon become +"secondhand" in appearance) for considerably less. With a volume +from this library carried always in the tail-pocket of his coat—the +very place to carry a short tale—no one need ever be idle, and every +spare moment, as long as he is wearing the coat, can be well occupied. +These bits of books are our modern <i>Curiosities of Literature</i>.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;"> +<a href="images/221a.png"><img width="100%" src="images/221a.png" alt="" /></a> <p>Handy Vols.</p> +</div> + +<p class="indent">Nor must we forget the <span class="smcap">Dickens</span> series of Messrs. <span class="smcap">Routledge</span>, who +have just brought out a dainty little edition of the <i>Cricket on the +Hearth</i>. This is a lasting work got up in a lasting manner. And +so whether the tale be long, or short, pointed or not, every man for a +small sum, in some instances a very small sum, can be his own talebearer: +only the tale isn't his, it is somebody else's, but his by +purchase.</p> + +<p class="indent">Among the handiest of handy books must be included the Pocket +Diaries for 1888, numbered, respectively, one, two, three,—of which +No. 3 is "A1,"—brought out by <span class="smcap">John Walker & Co.</span> of Farringdon +House, and admirably adapted to all walkers, who can now bring +them out for themselves every day in the new year. One novelty +there is in <span class="smcap">Walker & Co.'s</span> division of pages, and this is that two +are set apart for "Addresses"—not political ones, of course—and +two others for "Visits"—(such an idea could only have struck a +Walker who wanted an object for his walk)—these being subdivided +into columns headed "<i>Name</i>," "<i>Reception Day</i>," "<i>Visit Received</i>," +"<i>Visit Returned</i>," which in itself is quite a little manual, or +<i>Walker's Dictionary</i>, of politeness. To "Cash" is devoted a great +deal too much space; but, of course, if there is sufficient cash to fill +it, so much the better. If we might suggest a "rider" to <span class="smcap">Walker</span>, +it would be that, as many persons, who pay nothing else, are often +most assiduous in "paying their addresses" and in "paying visits," +an equal space might be given to business as represented by "Cash," +and to pleasure as represented by the two other items. The pencil +is a triumph of ingenuity, and the binding of No. 3 proves the truth +of the old adage, that there is nothing like leather, specially when +the leather is Russian.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Humility.</span>—The <i>Pall Mall Gazette</i>, in its account of the consecration +of Truro Cathedral, stated how—</p> + +<blockquote> +<p class="indent"> +"The Archbishop of <span class="smcap">Canterbury</span> and the Bishop of <span class="smcap">Truro</span> received the +Prince of <span class="smcap">Wales</span> at the Phillpotts porch, and conducted His Royal Highness +to a footstool placed for him in the choir. Every available inch of space was +crowded."</p> +</blockquote> + +<p class="indent">Poor Royal Highness! only a "footstool" to sit upon. He was +His Royal Lowness on this occasion. If, however, for "footstool" +we read "faldstool," His Royal Highness's apparently uncomfortable +position becomes intelligible.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>MORE REALISM.</h2> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mr. Punch</span>,</p> +</div> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width:20%;"> +<a href="images/221b.png"><img width="100%" src="images/221b.png" alt="" /></a> +</div> + +<p class="indent">Will you not help us to make a stand even now against the +encroachments of realism in the pronunciation of Latin? My evening +paper has been full of it lately. Why, +Sir, it is well known that the Britons +understood the Romans, and the Romans +the Britons, and if the Romans had said +their repetition in the absurd foreign +fashion that a few modern-side pedants +advocate, is it likely that the Britons +would have understood them, much less +that they would have had so much respect +for them as to admit their garrisons, +and their Mayors, and their Corporations, +and what not for four or five +hundred years? And if our early ancestors had spoken Latin in this +eminently unmanly un-English fashion, why should we naturally +and instinctively pronounce it in our own way now, as if there were +no natural piety linking the chapters of our rough island story +together?</p> + +<p class="indent">The Cambridge Augustan Johnnies (Dr. <span class="smcap">Sandys</span> at least, being a +Johnian, may excuse the term) set great store upon the fact that all +over the Continent the language is pronounced in the foreign manner. +Why, Sir, it is well known that the Norse tongue in Iceland, being +icerlated, has remained nearly unchanged since its introduction in +the ninth century. And England is an island; therefore the Latin +tongue, introduced by the Roman colonists, must have remained +unchanged also. For my own part, I own I have no patience with +this degradation of the hallowed traditions of our school-days to the +level of languages which can be got up in <i>Ollendorff</i> and fluently +pattered by couriers and waiters. "Wenny, weedy, weaky." Good +gracious! Is that the language of a conquering, masterful race? +The matter does not admit of serious argument.</p> + +<p class="author">Yours, wondering what next, <span class="smcap">One of the Old School</span>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">The Last of the Go-he-cans.</span>—The <i>Times</i> for November 1, in +giving a list of the Masters of Foxhounds, mentioned the Rev. E. M. +<span class="smcap">Reynolds</span> as "the only clergyman who can append M.F.H. to his +name." Of course this does not mean that no other clergyman +"can" do so, or the Clergy would indeed be an uneducated set, but +that the Rev. <span class="smcap">E. M. Reynolds</span> is the only successor of the Rev. <span class="smcap">Jack +Russell</span> who has the right to append M.F.H. to his name. How +often does his pack meet? Is it <i>Reynolds's Weekly</i>? If the +hounds are a trifle mixed, it may be known as <i>Reynolds's Miscellany</i>.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent">Captain <span class="smcap">Stokes</span>, who peremptorily ordered Mr. <span class="smcap">O'Brien</span> off to +prison, seems to be the sort of a man that <span class="smcap">Charles Dickens</span> described +as a "Harbitrary Gent." Quite a despotic Turk. As the +Nationalists call the Castle Officials "Bashi-Bazouks," let them +allude to the gallant Captain and Magistrate as "<span class="smcap">Stokes Bey</span>."</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:30%;"> +<a href="images/221c.png"><img width="100%" src="images/221c.png" alt="" /></a> <p>International Punch.</p> +</div> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">International Arbitration.</span>—Should +difficulties +ever arrive at this +peaceable solution—(so +likely!—ahem!—but +always a Bright Dream)—then +there could not be a +name of better omen for a +representative of British +Interests than "<span class="smcap">Lyon +Playfair</span>."</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p class="indent">Trafalgar Square may +be "the finest site in the +world," but the Mob in +it isn't.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>A ROW IN THE GALLERY.</h2> + +<p class="indent">What does it all mean? "Pitch 'em +over!" cries Sir <span class="smcap">Coutts-Lindsay</span> of +his "salaried assistants," and perhaps +Sir <span class="smcap">Coutts</span> would like to pitch Messrs. +<span class="smcap">Comyns Carr</span> and <span class="smcap">C. E. Hallé</span> all +over, and make them come out uncommonly +black after the process. But +apparently the "salaried assistants" +have thrown over their munificent patron +of the Arts, and turned themselves out. +But this is "no new thing," for whenever +we have had the pleasure of meeting +Mr. <span class="smcap">Carr</span> or Mr. <span class="smcap">Hallé</span>, they have +always been uncommonly well turned +out, and not a speck on either of them. +Evidently the <span class="smcap">Carr</span> has been upset, and +<span class="smcap">Hallé</span> has walked off, showing himself +a "Hallé Sloper." The two "salaried +assistants" will not go to swell the +ranks of the "Unemployed," and, in +order to prevent the re-entrance of the +"salaried assistants," Sir <span class="smcap">Coutts</span> now +keeps guard at the Gallery door, armed +with a Pike.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Summary of the Endacott-Cass +Affair.</span>—A Miss-take.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page222" id="page222"></a>[pg 222]</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"> +<img width="100%" src="images/222.png" alt="" /> <h2>HAVING A GOOD TIME</h2> + +<p class="indent"><i>Mamma.</i> "<span class="smcap">It's very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to Supper?</span>"</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Fair Débutante (who has a fine healthy appetite).</i> "<span class="smcap">Oh yes, Mamma—several People!</span>"</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>ALL THE DIFFERENCE.</h2> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>No, no! A natural alarm, but needless!</p> +<p class="i2">'Tis true subversive dolts in these sad times</p> +<p>Do call on you to flourish and to feed less,</p> +<p class="i2">And hint that pomp and turtle soup are crimes.</p> +<p class="i2"> The sour fanatics!</p> +<p>Scribblers who'd set the world straight from their attics.</p> +<p>But they will never dare—the dastards, No!—</p> +<p class="i2"> To stop the Lord Mayor's Show.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>Your fright, my Lord, 's a pardonable error.</p> +<p class="i2">The Proclamation can't apply to you.</p> +<p>No one, I'm sure, can take you for a Terror,</p> +<p class="i2">Red, white, or any other tint or hue.</p> +<p class="i4">Are you "disorderly"?</p> +<p>No; you within legality's trim-kept border lie;</p> +<p>From touching you even almighty Law</p> +<p class="i4">Would shrink with utter awe.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>True you "perambulate the streets." What noddy</p> +<p class="i2">Objects? You do not "break into a run,"</p> +<p>And as to "terrorising" anybody,</p> +<p class="i2">No one could hint at that, except in fun.</p> +<p class="i4">"Hooting and yelling"</p> +<p>Are not your vocal habits. <span class="smcap">Warren's</span> belling</p> +<p>The Cat of Anarchy; he'll tell you that.</p> +<p class="i4">You are not quite that Cat.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>It's claws are showing, and they may want clipping,</p> +<p class="i2">And shindy in the streets is just a pest;</p> +<p>But Law, though lately once or twice found tripping,</p> +<p class="i2">Won't interfere with the calm Civic nest.</p> +<p class="i4"><span class="smcap">Matthews</span> seems heedless,</p> +<p>And "shoves his oar in" in a style most needless;</p> +<p>But even he would hardly raise his clutch</p> +<p class="i4">The sacred Ninth to touch.</p> +</div> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p>No, a good rule may have a good exception.</p> +<p class="i2">You're popular, pass on! Rowdies and raff</p> +<p>Need raps. Let him in civism adept, shun</p> +<p class="i2">The spouter's bawling, and the Bobby's staff.</p> +<p class="i4">Mad mobs in Town</p> +<p>Are a vile nuisance that must be put down;</p> +<p>But you're not a "Procession," don't you know,—</p> +<p class="i4"><i>You</i> are—a "Show"!</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>"CHARLES OUR FRIEND."</h2> + +<p class="indent">Bravo, Sir <span class="smcap">Charles Warren</span>! The +roughs may consider you a Rabid Warren, +but what does that matter to you, or to us, or +to any lover of order, peace, and quietness in +this vast Metropolis? You're not a weasel to +be caught napping, and your recent Proclamation +is admirable, if its provisions be only +justly and exactly carried out. Your arrangements +too—talking of provisions—for housing +the houseless, seem to be remarkably judicious. +<i>Mr. Punch</i> trusts that the Processions which +you mention, and "the wandering bands perambulating +the streets," which you are going +to consider as disorderly, will be taken to +include those disturbers of our Sunday Quiet, +calling themselves Members of the Salvation +Army, who, it is to be hoped, in every district +wherever their presence is not welcome to a +majority of the respectable residents, will be +summarily dispersed and their noise stopped. +On working days let perambulating bands +come out for air and exercise, only let them +take care that their "air" be always in tune. +That schools and clubs should have their +bands is an excellent thing. But there are +six days in the week for noise, and the Salvationists +can let us have our Sunday in +peace. <i>Mr. Punch</i> is all for freedom of +speech, and so he speaks out freely. He is +all for the liberty of the subject, but the +subject must remember that he is a subject, +and <i>Mr. Punch</i> takes the liberty to remind +him of it. At the meeting of real working +men of business to protest against these +meetings in Trafalgar Square, Mr. <span class="smcap">Frederick +Gordon</span> spoke up for his Metropole-itan interests +in Grand style. The <span class="smcap">Home Secretary</span>, +it is to be hoped, carefully pondered the +speeches of these practical gentlemen. Mr. +<span class="smcap">Attenborough</span>, too,—"O, my prophetic soul, +my uncle!"—gave distinct evidence of the +injury done to trade in and about Trafalgar +Square. The Rev. Mr. <span class="smcap">Kitto</span> moved a +resolution, and Mr. <span class="smcap">Biddulph</span> seconded it,</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i4">Saying ditto</p> +<p class="i4">To Mr. <span class="smcap">Kitto</span>.</p> +</div> +</div> + +<p class="indent">And <i>Mr. Punch</i> once more expresses his hope +that the first Act of next Session will be one +to regulate meetings and processions in and +about London, whereby orderly citizens may +enjoy their rights undisturbed. Trafalgar +Square and all our great thoroughfares should +be "proclaimed districts," as regards the +loafers, roughs, and rowdies whose object is +plunder, and whose end is—or, at least, should +be—punishment.</p> + +<p class="author"><span class="cursive">Punch.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page223" id="page223"></a>[pg 223]</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"> +<img width="100%" src="images/223.png" alt="" /> <h2>ALL THE DIFFERENCE.</h2> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Lord Mayor.</span> "EH!—WHAT!—PROCESSIONS!—WHY——"</p> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Sir C. Warren.</span> "OH, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, MY LORD,—YOU'RE NOT A 'PROCESSION'—YOU'RE A 'SHOW.' +<i>YOU</i> WON'T 'TERRORISE THE INHABITANTS'!!"</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page225" id="page225"></a>[pg 225]</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:40%;"> +<a href="images/225.png"><img width="100%" src="images/225.png" alt="" /></a> <h2>"NOBLESSE OBLIGE."</h2> + +<p class="indent"><i>Old Friend.</i> "<span class="smcap">Hullo, Dick! How are you? I wish you'd +come and Dine with me to-night. But now you're a Lord, I +suppose I mustn't call you Dick any longer, or even ask you +to Dinner?</span>"</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Noble Earl (who has just come into his Title).</i> "<span class="smcap">Lord be blowed! +Lend me a Fiver, and you may call me what you like—and +I'll Dine with you into the bargain!</span>"</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>SCARLETINA AT TRURO.</h2> + +<p class="indent">The æsthetic Archbishop <span class="smcap">Benson</span> has an eye for colour. At +Truro, the <i>Times</i> report says, "he wore his scarlet robe and train, +which, as he moved from place to place in the Cathedral"—very +restless of him, by the way—"was upborne by two little acolytes +clad in scarlet cassocks and dainty surplices of lawn, and wearing +tiny scarlet caps upon their heads." The Archbishop is the big +scarlet, and the tiny acolytes might be called the scarletini. And to +think that years ago this sudden outbreak of archiepiscopal brilliancy +would have been inveighed against as trifling with the "Scarlet +Lady." H.R.H. made an excellent speech on the occasion, and, with +the effect of colour still in his memory, he could not resist reminding +the æsthetic Dr. <span class="smcap">Benson</span> that "seven years and a half ago"—nothing +like being exact—"he (H.R.H.) was enabled to lay the foundation +stone of this Cathedral with Masonic honours." "Archbishop in +scarlet, forsooth! scarlet tiny acolytes!" (such was evidently the +rebuke conveyed in H.R.H.'s speech)—"you should just see Me as +Most Worshipful Grand Master, with my Wardens, Deacons, +Chaplains, and Tylers! Why, in comparison with that blaze of +splendour, you and your scarlet are nowhere. However, Ladies and +Gentlemen, I came here on this occasion, not 'to oblige <span class="smcap">Benson</span>,' +but to visit this ancient Duchy in my popular character of Duke of +<span class="smcap">Cornwall</span>. <i>Au revoir.</i>"</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">Monsignor <span class="smcap">Persico</span>, <i>Truth</i> says, stayed with Archbishop <span class="smcap">Croke</span>, +and dined with the witty and popular Father <span class="smcap">James Healy</span>, P.P. +of Little Bray. Well, Monsignor <span class="smcap">Persico</span> must have heard a great +deal of croke-ing, but let us hope he has got some remedies for +healy-ing the wounds of the distressful country from <i>Mr. Punch's</i> +good friend, Father <span class="smcap">James</span>, of Little Bray, and precious little bray +about him.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>A MYSTERIOUS PAPER.</h2> + +<p class="indent">The near approach of Christmas, with its fireside stories, has +suggested the following list of questions for examination that may +be put to himself by any intending <i>raconteur</i>. As he may be sure +that if he can tackle them satisfactorily he will be able effectually +to enchain any family circle he may come across during the coming +festive season, he may be safely recommended to go at them in all +confidence:—</p> + +<p class="indent">1. What is a "spook"? Have you ever met one in society? +Define "telepathy." Can you send a "telepathigram"? If so, do +you think it would cost more than a halfpenny a word?</p> + +<p class="indent">2. Write a short biographical notice of Messrs. <span class="smcap">Myers and +Gurney</span>. State which of the two you would rather be, and give, if +you can, your reasons for your answer.</p> + +<p class="indent">3. Furnish a brief abstract, that must not exceed 300 pages, of +their joint work, <i>Phantasms of the Living</i>. What would be the +present price of the two volumes on <span class="smcap">Mudie's</span> Second-hand List?</p> + +<p class="indent">4. A certain Mr. <span class="smcap">Brown</span> knew a Captain <span class="smcap">Jones</span>, who knew a +Major <span class="smcap">Robinson</span>, who one night sitting at Mess at a hill-station in +the Central Provinces of India, thought he saw a figure on the +verandah and felt a sudden dig in the side as if somebody had +pushed him with his elbow. He had been mixing his wines rather +freely, but turning to his neighbour, he said, "I am almost sure +something has happened to my Uncle <span class="smcap">James</span>." He subsequently +wrote a dozen letters to England on the subject, but could never get +any answer; and to this day, though his Uncle <span class="smcap">James</span> is known to be +alive and quite well, the matter remains a mystery. To what class +of "inconsequent warnings" could you refer this experience?</p> + +<p class="indent">5. At Bansbury House, Buckinghamshire, a phantom omnibus full +inside and out of headless passengers, drives three times round the +central grass-plot on the eve of the day on which the heir orders a +new dress-coat. Account for this, if you can, and compare it with +the reported apparition of the famous luminous elephant said to be +visible to the Lairds of Glenhuish whenever the amount of their +butcher's-book reaches the sum of £20.</p> + +<p class="indent">6. Detail the circumstances that are said to explain the curious +conduct of the celebrated little old man in the bagwig and faded blue +velvet coat, that haunts the principal guest bedchamber at Tokenhouse +Manor. To what is he supposed to refer when after mournfully +shaking his head three times he says, "It's the mustard that +did it!" Examine this, and give some reasons to account for the fact +that he invariably disappears in the linen cupboard.</p> + +<p class="indent">7. Give the various popular versions of the secret which imparted +at Rheums Castle to (1) the heir, on his attaining his majority, (2) the +family butler, and (3) a select circle of intimate friends who may have +chanced to attend on the occasion regarding the matter as an excellent +joke, instantly turns their hair white, causes them to look thirty +years older, and makes them talk in whispers, and wear an expression +of melancholy terror for the rest of their lives.</p> + +<p class="indent">8. The hall of a well-known modern villa at Brixton is haunted +by the spectre of a coal-heaver, who carries his head under +his arm; and, whenever it is opened, he is visible on the mat, just +inside the front door. Tradesmen, therefore, calling with their +accounts, rush away, terror-stricken, without waiting for payment, +and visitors coming to five o'clock tea are carried off in violent +hysterics to the nearest chemist's. As the landlord cannot induce +any bailiffs to cross the threshold, the tenant who is, notwithstanding +their ghastly condition, quite cheerful on the premises, is several +quarters in arrear with his rent. State, under the circumstances, +what proceedings, if any, you would take to "lay" the ghost.</p> + +<p class="indent">9. It is well known that the celebrated gallery at Bingham Place, +Somersetshire, is haunted, after midnight, by the apparition of a +knight in full armour, who heralds his approach by the clanking of +chains and cannon-balls, and who, after flinging about the boots and +hot-water cans standing at the doors of the various guest-chambers, +tumbles head-over-heels down-stairs, shrieking the refrain of a +thirteenth century hunting-chorus, and having thoroughly awakened +everybody sleeping on the premises, finally disappears with a loud +unearthly wail, in the butler's pantry. State what you think would +be the probable result of waiting for the appearance of this spectre, +and then suddenly hitting it hard over the knees with a cricket-bat.</p> + +<p class="indent">10. Give the story of the well-known "haunted house" in Belgrave +Square. How would the unconscious tenant who had taken it +furnished be likely to account for the punctual appearance, at half-past +nine every evening, among his guests in the back drawing-room, +of the eyeless baronet, in a dressing-gown, dragging the two elderly +females by the hair of their heads about in a deadly struggle, and, +after continuing it for three-quarters of an hour, ultimately vanishing, +as if exhausted, apparently into the grand piano? Would you +advise him to take his guests into his confidence, and apologise for the +intrusion, or pretend to notice nothing unusual in the phenomenon, +and simply ignore it? Examine the situation, and conclude your +paper by dealing with it in the shape of a short essay on "the +position of the Ghost considered in relation to Society."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page226" id="page226"></a>[pg 226]</span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:60%;"> +<a href="images/226.png"><img width="100%" src="images/226.png" alt="" /></a> <h2>"LUXURY."</h2> + +<p class="indent">(<i>According to the latest Edition of "Knight Thoughts."</i>)</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Alderman (to his Guest, after a good dinner).</i> "<span class="smcap">'Elp y'shelf! Recollec' every Bo'le o' +Champagne we drink, provi'sh Employment for the Workin' Classhesh!!</span>"</p></div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>AT HAWARDEN.</h2> + +<blockquote> +<p class="indent"> +"Mr. <span class="smcap">Gladstone</span> gave Earl <span class="smcap">Spencer</span> and +Earl <span class="smcap">Granville</span> a specimen of his skill with +the axe yesterday. With Mr. <span class="smcap">Herbert Gladstone</span> +to assist him, the Right Honourable +gentleman, stripped to his waist, attacked a tree +in most vigorous fashion!"—<i>Times</i>, Nov. 4.</p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>Said <span class="smcap">Spencer</span> to <span class="smcap">Granville</span>,</p> +<p>"Like strokes on an anvil."</p> +<p>Said <span class="smcap">Granville</span> to <span class="smcap">Spencer</span>,</p> +<p>"He'll catch influenza."</p> +<p>Young <span class="smcap">Herbert</span>, brow mopping,</p> +<p>Cried, "Letter from Dopping!"</p> +<p>Growled <span class="smcap">Gladstone</span>, not stopping</p> +<p>In chopping, "Blow Dopping!"</p> +<p>And so went on lopping.</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">"<span class="smcap">Refusal to Pay a Levy in Ireland.</span>"—This +was what Mrs. <span class="smcap">Ram</span> saw as the +heading of a paragraph in an evening +paper. "Well," said the good lady, "if +they won't pay a <span class="smcap">Levy</span>, why not send a +<span class="smcap">Moses</span>, and see if <i>he</i> will get it."</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>The Plentiful Lac.</h2> + +<blockquote> +<p class="indent"> +[The Rajah of Kupurthala, emulating the +Nizam, has offered five lacs towards the defence +of the frontiers of India.]</p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>The Laureate, patriot of sense,</p> +<p class="i2">Writes with a pungent pen</p> +<p>Of "That eternal lack of pence</p> +<p class="i2">Which vexeth public men."</p> +<p>But India's public men, with pride,</p> +<p class="i2">In Princes such as these,</p> +<p>Will find their "lack of pence" supplied</p> +<p class="i2">By—a lac of rupees!</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>VOCES POPULI.</h2> + +<p class="indent"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>—<i>The Thames Embankment. Crowd discovered, waiting for +Lord Mayor's Show.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Female Pleasure-seeker (whose temper is apt to be a little uncertain +on these occasions, to her husband).</i> We ought to have started at +<i>least</i> an hour earlier—just look at the number of people here already! +You <i>would</i> dawdle—and it wasn't for want of speaking to, <i>I'm</i> sure!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Her Husband (mildly).</i> It certainly was <i>not</i>. Only, as the Show +can't possibly pass for two hours, at least——</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>She.</i> <i>Two hours!</i> Am I to stand about in this crowd all <i>that</i> time?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>He (with a feeble jocularity).</i> Unless you prefer to climb a tree.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>She.</i> Then, John, all I can say is, I wish I had stayed at home! +(<i>John murmurs a silent, but fervent assent.</i>)</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>A Practical Pleasure-seeker.</i> Now I tell you what we'll <i>do</i>, +<span class="smcap">Maria</span>—you take <span class="smcap">Weetie</span>, and keep close to me, and I'll look after +<span class="smcap">Duggie</span>, and we'll just stroll comfortably up and down till the very +last minute, and drop comfortably into front places, and there +we are!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Patriotic P.</i> What I like about occasions like this, is the spectacle +of a thoroughly good-humoured, well-behaved British crowd—you +don't see that on the <i>Continent</i>, y'know!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>More Patriotic P. (thoughtfully).</i> No, that's perfectly true; and +what I say is—we don't want all these police about. Trust more to +the general spirit of decency and order—let the people feel they <i>are</i> +trusted!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>A Socialist.</i> Ah, you're right. Did you year what one of the +Orators said in the Square the other afternoon? He told 'em +Sir <span class="smcap">Charles</span> would 'ave to be as wide awake as what he was 'imself, +to prevent a Unemployed Demonstration to-day. "Let him remember," +says he, "it's in our power to do that within arf a mile +of the Mansion House, which would make the 'ole civilised world +ring with 'orror," he says. And it's men like that as they're trying +to silence and intimerdate!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>The P. P.'s (edging away a little nervously, to one another).</i> Well, +I hope the Police are keeping a sharp look-out. I—I don't seem to +see so many about as usual, eh?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>A Speculator (with two tubs and a board) to Female P.</i> 'Ere you +are, lydy, hony two shellin' fur a fust-rate stand—you won't see no +better if you was to pay a suvring!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Female P.</i> You may say what you <i>like</i>, but I'm not going to +tramp about any longer, and if you're so mean as to grudge two +shillings—why, I can pay for myself!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Husb.</i> Oh, hang it—get up if you want to!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>The Practical P.</i> Well, <span class="smcap">Maria</span>, it's no use worrying <i>now</i>—we +must go and ask at the Police-Stations afterwards—it was a mistake +to bring them!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>The Patriotic P.</i> Of course one is <i>told</i> there's a good deal of +rough horse-play on these occasions, but anything more entirely——</p> + +<p class="indent">[<i>A "larrikin" comes up behind and "bashes" his hat in; a +string of playful youths seize each other by the waist and +rush in single file through crowd, upsetting everybody in +their way; both the</i> Patriotic Pleasure-seekers <i>go home by +the Underground, without waiting for the Procession</i>.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>The Female P. (on the stand).</i> <span class="smcap">John</span>, I'm sure this board isn't +safe. We should see ever so much better on one of those carts—they're +only asking sixpence, <span class="smcap">John</span>. You <i>are</i> the worst person to +come out with—you never give yourself the smallest trouble—I have +to do it all! <i>You</i> can stop here if you choose, <i>I'm</i> going to get into +one of those carts! [<i>She and</i> <span class="smcap">John</span> <i>descend, and mount upon a +coal-cart which is being driven slowly along the route</i>.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Later; Procession approaching, distant music.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Crowd (jumping up and down like "skip-jacks" to see better).</i> +'Ere they are, they're coming!</p> + +<p class="indent">[<i>The way is cleared by trotting mounted Constables.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Stout Lady.</i> Well, if I wanted to faint ever so, I couldn't now—where +are you, my dear?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Another Stout Lady (cheerfully).</i> I'm all right, Mrs. <span class="smcap">Porter</span>, +Mum. I've got tight 'old of this nice young Perliceman's belt—don't +you fret yourself about me!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Experienced Sightseer (catching hold of little</i> <span class="smcap">Duggie</span> <i>and placing +him in front, then pushing forward</i>). Make room for this little boy, +will you, please, I want him to see.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Crowd good-naturedly make way, affording unimpeded view of +procession to</i> <span class="smcap">Duggie</span>—<i>and the</i> Experienced Sightseer, <i>who +troubles himself no further</i>.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>A Superior Sightseer.</i> To think of the traffic of the first city in +the world being stopped for this contemptible tomfoolery!</p> + +<p class="indent">[<i>Fights hard for a front place.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Procession passing.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Impertinent Female (to gorgeous Coachman).</i> 'Ow you <i>'ave</i> altered!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Well-informed Person (pointing out City Marshal).</i> That's Sir +<span class="smcap">Charles</span>, that is!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Unemployed (smarting with sense of recent wrongs).</i> Yah, toirant!</p> + +<p class="indent">[<i>The C. M. beams with gratification.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page227" id="page227"></a>[pg 227]</span></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Open carriages pass, containing Aldermen in tall hats and fur-coats.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Critical Crowd.</i> Brush yer 'ats! There's a nose! Oh, ain't he +bin 'avin' a go at the sherry afore he started, neither! 'Ere comes +old "Sir <span class="smcap">Ben</span>"—that's 'im in the white pot 'at!</p> + +<p class="indent">[<i>They cheer</i> Sir <span class="smcap">Ben</span>—<i>without, however, any clear notion why</i>.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Allegorical Cars pass.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Crowd.</i> Don't they look chilly up there! 'Old on to your globe, +Sir! Don't ketch cold in them tights, Miss! They've run up agin +somethink, that lot 'ave. See where it's all bent in—eh?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Lord Mayor's Coach passes.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Crowd.</i> 'Ooray! That's 'im with the muff on. No, it ain't, yer +soft 'ed! It's 'im in the feathered 'at a-layin' back. Whoy don't +yer let 'im set on yer lap, Guv'nor? &c., &c.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>A block. Lady Mayoress's Coach stopping.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Crowd.</i> There's dresses! They must ha' cost a tidy penny!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Agitator.</i> Wrung out of the pockets of the poor working-man! <i>I'd</i> +dress 'em, I would! Why should sech as you and me keep the likes +o' them in laziness? If we 'ad our rights, it's <i>us</i> as 'ud be riding in +their places!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Artisan (after a glance at him).</i> Dunno as the Show'd be much the +prettier to look at for <i>that</i>, mate.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>After the Procession.</i></p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Practical Pleasure-seeker (who has been pushed into a back row, and +seen nothing but the banners, to</i> <span class="smcap">Duggie</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Weetie</span>, <i>miraculously +recovered</i>). Thank Heaven, they're found! Children, let this be a +lesson to you in future never to——What? Seen the Show beautifully, +have you? (<i>Boiling over.</i>) Oh, very well—wait till I get you +home!</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>The Female P.</i> Now, don't say another word, <span class="smcap">John</span>,—anyone but +an <i>idiot</i> would have <i>known</i> that that cart would be turned down a +back-street! If I hadn't <i>insisted</i> on getting out when I did, we +should have missed the Show altogether. Policeman, is the Show +ever coming? Shall we get a good view from here?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Policeman.</i> Capital view, Mum—if you don't mind waiting till +next November! [<i>Tableau. Curtain.</i></p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 53.</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"> +<img width="100%" src="images/227.png" alt="" /> <p class="center">THE FIRST MEET OF THE SEASON.</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<h2>The Ingratitude of Grandolph.</h2> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p>Many terrible things have our patriots seen;</p> +<p class="i2">They have seen their dear <span class="smcap">Dizzy</span> extending the suffrage,</p> +<p>And versatile <span class="smcap">Gladstone</span> a-wearing the Green,</p> +<p class="i2">And <span class="smcap">Harcourt</span> defending Home Rule and the rough-rage;</p> +<p>And Disintegration approaching our realm,</p> +<p class="i2">And Rads—so they fancy—inviting invaders;</p> +<p>But that which their souls must with woe most o'erwhelm</p> +<p class="i2">Is—Lord <span class="smcap">Randolph Churchill</span> a-chaffing Fair Traders!</p> +</div> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">"'<i>Jam' satis,</i>" as our Schoolmaster had just breath enough to +murmur when he escaped from out of the midst of a Socialist Meeting +in Trafalgar Square.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">Unfortunately, the great enemy of the Teetotal Temperance +Societies is—the British "Public."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page228" id="page228"></a>[pg 228]</span></p> + +<h2>MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF THE CITY OF LONDON.</h2> + +<p class="indent">(<i>A Contribution towards a Future History, by Macaulay Stiggins, C. C.</i>)</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width:30%;"> +<a href="images/228a.png"><img width="100%" src="images/228a.png" alt="" /></a> +</div> + +<p class="indent">The <span class="smcap">Lord Mayor</span> was the first Privy Councillor created, and has +remained so ever since that auspicious event. On the death of the +Monarch, he presides at the meeting that is immediately summoned, +and appoints the new Cabinet, generally from the members of the +late Government, +but on one memorable +occasion he +appointed all the +members of the +Court of Aldermen +who had passed the +Chair, and although +they were +afterwards induced +to resign, it was +noticed that during +their short administration +matters +went on much as +usual. This was +called the Cabinet +of Absolute Wisdom, +after Alderman +<span class="smcap">Wood</span>, the +Prime Minister, +who was the First Lord of the Treasury who ever left more +in it than he found there. His beautiful daughter, <span class="smcap">Maria</span>, was +the reigning Toast of those hard-drinking days, and gave her +well-known name to the magnificent City Barge that periodically +conveys the City Fathers, together with the City Mothers, on their +several important inspections of the Silver Thames, in the neighbourhood +of Richmond and Twickenham. The matters they have to discuss +on these occasions are of so weighty a nature that they are compelled +to have five or six horses to draw them. On one occasion, and one +only, they managed to get as far as Oxford, an account of which +celebrated voyage was written by the Lord Mayor's Chaplain of the +time, under the title of "Alderman <span class="smcap">Wenables</span>' Woyage to Hoxford," +a copy of which is still preserved in the Bodleian, among their most +cherished treasures, and can only be seen on special application, as +fabulous sums have been offered by the Court of Aldermen for its +destruction, it being the only copy that escaped when the whole +edition was ordered to be bought up and destroyed. This unique +volume is said to contain such astounding revelations as must be seen +to be believed, and would possibly not be believed even then.</p> + +<p class="indent">Before the newly-elected Lord Mayor is sworn in, he has to produce +a Certificate from a Wine Merchant, "residinge in ye Cittye," +and a Freeman of the Vintners' Company, that he has placed in the +capacious Cellar at the Mansion House, provided for that purpose, +ten Tuns, or one thousand dozen of good wine, for the year's consumption, +and whatever is left, <i>if any</i>, is distributed among the +Royal Hospitals, the quantity being carefully recorded by the learned +Recorder, which record is placed under the control of the equally +learned Comptroller, and remains for all time, as a witness to the +liberality or stinginess of the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor of +that particular year.</p> + +<p class="indent">The Sheriffs are the most ancient officers of the Corporation, having +been first elected in the reign of King <span class="smcap">Nebuchadnezzar</span>. A singular +custom still prevails, originating, it is said, in their association with +the grass-eating monarch. They are entitled, by virtue of their +office, to the first six bundles of sparrow-grass—as it was originally +spelt, and is still called by Members of the Corporation—that are +brought into Covent Garden Market: and his Grace the Duke of +<span class="smcap">Bedford</span> is always courteously invited to partake of it, at a sumptuous +banquet called "the Grass Festival." (<i>Vide Stow</i>, cap. 23 of +<span class="smcap">Bell's</span> ed.)</p> + +<p class="indent">The City Marshal was formerly a personage of great importance, +being in fact of the same rank as a Field Marshal, the only difference +being that one acted in the City and the other in the Field, whence +their names. The City Marshal was the City Champion, and always +rode into Guildhall, fully armed, on Lord Mayor's Day, at the commencement +of the Banquet, and, throwing down a glove, dared anyone +to mortal combat who disputed the rights of the Lord Mayor. +If no one accepted his challenge, he quaffed a flagon of sack to his +Lordship's health, and then cleverly and gracefully backed out of +the Hall. It is recorded that on one occasion his challenge was +accepted by a gallant Common Councilman who had been fulfilling +the important duties of Wine-taster, and who, when called upon to +name time and place for the deadly encounter, said, in the memorable +words of the great <span class="smcap">Alfred</span>, "Here and now!" which so +astonished the Champion that he pleaded sudden indisposition, and +withdrew. The custom has since been discontinued. The gallant +Common Councilman was made Deputy of the Ward of Port-soaken.</p> + +<p class="indent">In ancient times the <span class="smcap">Lord Mayor</span>, as every one knows, had a Fool +all to himself, and he was the only Fool permitted in the City. The +appointment was open to all by competitive examination. On the +occasion of a <span class="smcap">Lord Mayor</span> making a Fool of himself the office was +abolished by the Common Council from motives of economy. In +memory of this ancient privilege the <span class="smcap">Lord Mayor</span> once in the season +has a fool—a gooseberry fool—all to himself.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2>A NAPPY HOLIDAY.</h2> + +<div class="figright" style="width:15%;"> +<a href="images/228b.png"><img width="100%" src="images/228b.png" alt="" /></a> <p>Going Nap.</p> +</div> + +<p class="indent"><i>Any Time in August.</i>—Just been reading capital article in <i>Nineteenth +Century</i>, by Dr. <span class="smcap">James Muir Howie</span>, on the "Nerve Rest-Cure," +which says—"For those who cannot get a sufficient holiday, +the best substitute is an occasional day in +bed." Why not several days in bed? In +fact one's whole summer holiday? "Better +than climbing toilsome mountains," he remarks. +Quite so—and much better than +toilsome trip to Ramsgate with one's whole +family in tow. (Think of the Old Woman +who lived in a Shoe. <i>She</i> had all her +family in <i>toe</i>. Laugh feebly at my own +joke. Really my nerves must be <i>very</i> bad.) +Best feature of new holiday plan, however, +is its <i>cheapness</i>. Was quite at a loss how +to afford our annual trip till <span class="smcap">Howie</span> came +to rescue with his "(y)early to bed" cure. Announce to family +that I intend following Dr. <span class="smcap">Howie's</span> advice. Family seems too +stupefied to say anything.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Evening.</i>—Family has found its voice. Protests unanimously and +quite fiercely against new holiday plan. Wife "sure I can afford +trip to sea-side." If not, <i>where</i> does my money go to? Argument +forcible, but unpleasant.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>First Day.</i>—Holiday begins. Sleep till 11 <span class="smcap">A.M.</span> Scrumpshous! +Should have slept longer, but two hurdy-gurdies stop outside, playing +different airs. Not only murder the tunes, but "murder sleep" +as well. Listen for ten minutes—nerves terribly shaky. Oughtn't +to get out of bed, <span class="smcap">Howie</span> says, but must. See my eldest boy, <span class="smcap">Henry</span>, +giving Italian fiends money! What does this unwonted generosity +mean?</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Afternoon.</i>—Dinner in bed not a success. Everything underdone. +Tell wife. She says, "Cook and servants in bad tempers; thought +we were all going to Ramsgate, and they would have rest." Rest +means clandestine kitchen parties. Feel angry—bad for nerves, but +can't help it. Sleep impossible, as bed full of crumbs. Wonder +<span class="smcap">Howie</span> didn't think of this. Send <span class="smcap">Henry</span> for evening paper—perhaps +it will soothe me.</p> + +<p class="indent">It doesn't. He brings back one three days old. Says shopman +gave it him! Send him again, and shop closed for night. Nerves +actually <i>worse than ever</i>.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Second Day.</i>—Had disturbed night, owing to lack of my usual +exercise yesterday. Still must stick to <span class="smcap">Howie's</span> prescription. Terrific +row in house. Wife comes up after breakfast (in tears) to say +children, deprived of sea-side trip, are ungovernable; pretend to be +buffaloes and Cowboys <i>in drawing-room</i>! Already two valuable +vases wrecked. Hang the children! Hang Colonel CODY too! Still +even paying for new vases cheaper than Ramsgate lodgings. Read +morning paper. Just dropping off to sleep over somebody's important +speech on Ireland, when——</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Three</i> hurdy-gurdies outside! Rush to window, open it, and bid +men avaunt. They won't avaunt. Say "they've been ordered to +come every morning for a month by the young gent." This must be +<span class="smcap">Henry's</span> "Plan of Campaign." Send for him, and find he has +prudently gone out. Nothing for it but to stuff cotton-wool into +ears till men go. Cotton-wool in ears for a whole hour <i>shatters</i> nerves.</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Third Day.</i>—Much worse. Though I've given strict orders that +no letters or bills are to be sent up to my bed-room, find Tax-Collector's +little "Demand-Note" wrapped in fold of morning +paper! Annoyed. Perhaps, after all, <span class="smcap">Howie</span> wrong. Hullo! +what's that? Somebody on my window-sill! Burglars? No, +can't be. How bad all this is for my nerves. Spring up in time to +see <span class="smcap">Henry</span> disappearing down rope-ladder, which he and his brothers +have let down from roof. How horribly dangerous! Ring violently. +Hear heavy thud in garden. Talk of "Nerve Rest-Cure"—rest of +my nerves gone long ago, none left to be cured.</p> + +<p class="indent">Wife (in tears again—awfully bad for nerves this) says the thud +was not <span class="smcap">Henry</span> falling; boys have pulled down part of chimney, +which has smashed the front steps—that's all. She suggests that +perhaps, after all, this holiday plan in bed is not so good as——</p> + +<p class="indent"><i>Five hurdy-gurdies</i> to-day! Maddening! Hired by <span class="smcap">Henry</span>, +wife says. Send <i>him</i> to bed for whole day; we'll see how he likes +"Rest-Cure" for <i>his</i> nerves. Get up gloomily, dress, and go downstairs. +Pitch <i>Nineteenth Century</i> into waste-paper basket. Feel +nerves better after it. Decide on Ramsgate, as usual, and so ends +my holiday in bed—my "Sleepy Hollow" day!</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote> +<p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will +in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule +there will be no exception.</p> +</blockquote> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<div class="tnote"> + +<h2>Transcriber's Notes:</h2> + +<hr /> + +<p class="indent">Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_.</p> + +<p class="indent">Passages in bold were indicated by =equal signs=.</p> + +<p class="indent">Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS.</p> + +<p class="indent">Throughout the document, the œ ligature was replaced with "oe".</p> + +<p class="indent">Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of +the speakers. Those words were retained as-is.</p> + +<p class="indent">The illustrations have been moved so that they do not break up +paragraphs and so that they are next to the text they illustrate.</p> + +<p class="indent">Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected +unless otherwise noted.</p> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. +93, Nov. 11, 1887, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 39315-h.htm or 39315-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/9/3/1/39315/ + +Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Malcolm Farmer, +Ernest Schaal and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team +at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + +</pre> + +</body> |