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diff --git a/old/jj12b10.txt b/old/jj12b10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e6d982e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jj12b10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2964 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 12 +#12 in our series by Jean Jacques Rousseau + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!!!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. + +Please do not remove this. + +This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. +Do not change or edit it without written permission. 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In the abyss of evil into +which I am plunged, I feel the blows reach me, without perceiving the +hand by which they are directed or the means it employs. Shame and +misfortune seem of themselves to fall upon me. When in the affliction of +my heart I suffer a groan to escape me, I have the appearance of a man +who complains without reason, and the authors of my ruin have the +inconceivable art of rendering the public unknown to itself, or without +its perceiving the effects of it, accomplice in their conspiracy. +Therefore, in my narrative of circumstances relative to myself, of the +treatment I have received, and all that has happened to me, I shall not +be able to indicate the hand by which the whole has been directed, nor +assign the causes, while I state the effect. The primitive causes are +all given in the preceding books; and everything in which I am +interested, and all the secret motives pointed out. But it is impossible +for me to explain, even by conjecture, that in which the different causes +are combined to operate the strange events of my life. If amongst my +readers one even of them should be generous enough to wish to examine the +mystery to the bottom, and discover the truth, let him carefully read +over a second time the three preceding books, afterwards at each fact he +shall find stated in the books which follow, let him gain such +information as is within his reach, and go back from intrigue to +intrigue, and from agent to agent, until he comes to the first mover of +all. I know where his researches will terminate; but in the meantime I +lose myself in the crooked and obscure subterraneous path through which +his steps must be directed. + +During my stay at Yverdon, I became acquainted with all the family of my +friend Roguin, and amongst others with his niece, Madam Boy de la Tour, +and her daughters, whose father, as I think I have already observed, +I formerly knew at Lyons. She was at Yverdon, upon a visit to her uncle +and his sister; her eldest daughter, about fifteen years of age, +delighted me by her fine understanding and excellent disposition. +I conceived the most tender friendship for the mother and the daughter. +The latter was destined by M. Rougin to the colonel, his nephew, a man +already verging towards the decline of life, and who showed me marks of +great esteem and affection; but although the heart of the uncle was set +upon this marriage, which was much wished for by the nephew also, and I +was greatly desirous to promote the satisfaction of both, the great +disproportion of age, and the extreme repugnancy of the young lady, made +me join with the mother in postponing the ceremony, and the affair was at +length broken off. The colonel has since married Mademoiselle Dillan, +his relation, beautiful, and amiable as my heart could wish, and who has +made him the happiest of husbands and fathers. However, M. Rougin has +not yet forgotten my opposition to his wishes. My consolation is in the +certainty of having discharged to him, and his family, the duty of the +most pure friendship, which does not always consist in being agreeable, +but in advising for the best. + +I did not remain long in doubt about the reception which awaited me at +Geneva, had I chosen to return to that city. My book was burned there, +and on the 18th of June, nine days after an order to arrest me had been +given at Paris, another to the same effect was determined upon by the +republic. So many incredible absurdities were stated in this second +decree, in which the ecclesiastical edict was formally violated, that I +refused to believe the first accounts I heard of it, and when these were +well confirmed, I trembled lest so manifest an infraction of every law, +beginning with that of common-sense, should create the greatest confusion +in the city. I was, however, relieved from my fears; everything remained +quiet. If there was any rumor amongst the populace, it was unfavorable +to me, and I was publicly treated by all the gossips and pedants like a +scholar threatened with a flogging for not having said his catechism. + +These two decrees were the signal for the cry of malediction, raised +against me with unexampled fury in every part of Europe. All the +gazettes, journals and pamphlets, rang the alarm-bell. The French +especially, that mild, generous, and polished people, who so much pique +themselves upon their attention and proper condescension to the +unfortunate, instantly forgetting their favorite virtues, signalized +themselves by the number and violence of the outrages with which, while +each seemed to strive who should afflict me most, they overwhelmed me. +I was impious, an atheist, a madman, a wild beast, a wolf. The +continuator of the Journal of Trevoux was guilty of a piece of +extravagance in attacking my pretended Lycanthropy, which was by no means +proof of his own. A stranger would have thought an author in Paris was +afraid of incurring the animadversion of the police, by publishing a work +of any kind without cramming into it some insult to me. I sought in vain +the cause of this unanimous animosity, and was almost tempted to believe +the world was gone mad. What! said I to myself, the editor of the +'Perpetual Peace', spread discord; the author of the 'Confession of the +Savoyard Vicar', impious; the writer of the 'New Eloisa', a wolf; the +author of 'Emilius', a madman! Gracious God! what then should I have +been had I published the 'Treatise de l'Esprit', or any similar work? +And yet, in the storm raised against the author of that book, the public, +far from joining the cry of his persecutors, revenged him of them by +eulogium. Let his book and mine, the receptions the two works met with, +and the treatment of the two authors in the different countries of +Europe, be compared; and for the difference let causes satisfactory to, +a man of sense be found, and I will ask no more. + +I found the residence of Yverdon so agreeable that I resolved to yield to +the solicitations of M. Roguin and his family, who, were desirous of +keeping me there. M. de Moiry de Gingins, bailiff of that city, +encouraged me by his goodness to remain within his jurisdiction. The +colonel pressed me so much to accept for my habitation a little pavilion +he had in his house between the court and the garden, that I complied +with his request, and he immediately furnished it with everything +necessary for my little household establishment. + +The banneret Roguin, one of the persons who showed me the most assiduous +attention, did not leave me for an instant during the whole day. I was +much flattered by his civilities, but they sometimes importuned me. The +day on which I was to take possession of my new habitation was already +fixed, and I had written to Theresa to come to me, when suddenly a storm +was raised against me in Berne, which was attributed to the devotees, but +I have never been able to learn the cause of it. The senate, excited +against me, without my knowing by whom, did not seem disposed to suffer +me to remain undisturbed in my retreat. The moment the bailiff was +informed of the new fermentation, he wrote in my favor to several of the +members of the government, reproaching them with their blind intolerance, +and telling them it was shameful to refuse to a man of merit, under +oppression, the asylum which such a numerous banditti found in their +states. Sensible people were of opinion the warmth of his reproaches had +rather embittered than softened the minds of the magistrates. However +this may be, neither his influence nor eloquence could ward off the blow. +Having received an intimation of the order he was to signify to me, he +gave me a previous communication of it; and that I might wait its +arrival, I resolved to set off the next day. The difficulty was to know +where to go, finding myself shut out from Geneva and all France, and +foreseeing that in the affair each state would be anxious to imitate its +neighbor. + +Madam Boy de la Tour proposed to me to go and reside in an uninhabited +but completely furnished house, which belonged to her son in the village +of Motiers, in the Val de Travers, in the county of Neuchatel. I had +only a mountain to cross to arrive at it. The offer came the more +opportunely, as in the states of the King of Prussia I should naturally +be sheltered from all persecution, at least religion could not serve as a +pretext for it. But a secret difficulty: improper for me at that moment +to divulge, had in it that which was very sufficient to make me hesitate. +The innnate love of justice, to which my heart was constantly subject, +added to my secret inclination to France, had inspired me with an +aversion to the King of Prussia, who by his maxims and conduct, seemed to +tread under foot all respect for natural law and every duty of humanity. +Amongst the framed engravings, with which I had decorated my alcove at +Montmorency, was a portrait of this prince, and under it a distich, the +last line of which was as follows: + + Il pense en philosophe, et se conduit en roi. + + [He thinks like a philosopher, and acts like a king.] + + +This verse, which from any other pen would have been a fine eulogium, +from mine had an unequivocal meaning, and too clearly explained the verse +by which it was preceded. The distich had been, read by everybody who +came to see me, and my visitors were numerous. The Chevalier de Lorenzy +had even written it down. to give it to D'Alembert, and I had no doubt +but D' Alembert had taken care to make my court with it to the prince. +I had also aggravated this first fault by a passage in 'Emilius', where +under the name of Adrastus, king of the Daunians, it was clearly seen +whom I had in view, and the remark had not escaped critics, because Madam +de Boufflers had several times mentioned the subject to me. I was, +therefore, certain of being inscribed in red ink in the registers of the +King of Prussia, and besides, supposing his majesty to have the +principles I had dared to attribute to him, he, for that reason, could +not but be displeased with my writings and their author; for everybody +knows the worthless part of mankind, and tyrants have never failed to +conceive the most mortal hatred against me, solely on reading my works, +without being acquainted with my person. + +However, I had presumption enough to depend upon his mercy, and was far +from thinking I ran much risk. I knew none but weak men were slaves to +the base passions, and that these had but little power over strong minds, +such as I had always thought his to be. According to his art of +reigning, I thought he could not but show himself magnanimous on this +occasion, and that being so in fact was not above his character. I +thought a mean and easy vengeance would not for a moment counterbalance +his love of glory, and putting myself in his place, his taking advantage +of circumstances to overwhelm with the weight of his generosity a man who +had dared to think ill of him, did not appear to me impossible. +I therefore went to settle at Motiers, with a confidence of which I +imagined he would feel all the value, and said to myself: When Jean +Jacques rises to the elevation of Coriolanus, will Frederick sink below +the General of the Volsci? + +Colonel Roguin insisted on crossing the mountain with me, and installing +me at Moiters. A sister-in-law to Madam Boy de la Tour, named Madam +Girardier, to whom the house in which I was going to live was very +convenient, did not see me arrive there with pleasure; however, she with +a good grace put me in possession of my lodgings, and I eat with her +until Theresa came, and my little establishment was formed. + +Perceiving at my departure from Montmorency I should in future be a +fugitive upon the earth, I hesitated about permitting her to come to me +and partake of the wandering life to which I saw myself condemned. I +felt the nature of our relation to each other was about to change, and +that what until then had on my part been favor and friendship, would in +future become so on hers. If her attachment was proof against my +misfortunes, to this I knew she must become a victim, and that her grief +would add to my pain. Should my disgrace weaken her affections, she +would make me consider her constancy as a sacrifice, and instead of +feeling the pleasure I had in dividing with her my last morsel of bread, +she would see nothing but her own merit in following me wherever I was +driven by fate. + +I must say everything; I have never concealed the vices either of my poor +mamma or myself; I cannot be more favorable to Theresa, and whatever +pleasure I may have in doing honor to a person who is dear to me, I will +not disguise the truth, although it may discover in her an error, if an +involuntary change of the affections of the heart be one. I had long +perceived hers to grow cooler towards me, and that she was no longer for +me what she had been in our younger days. Of this I was the more +sensible, as for her I was what I had always been. I fell into the same +inconvenience as that of which I had felt the effect with mamma, and this +effect was the same now I was with Theresa. Let us not seek for +perfection, which nature never produces; it would be the same thing with +any other woman. The manner in which I had disposed of my children, +however reasonable it had appeared to me, had not always left my heart at +ease. While writing my 'Treatise on Education', I felt I had neglected +duties with which it was not possible to dispense. Remorse at length +became so strong that it almost forced from me a public confession of my +fault at the beginning of my 'Emilius', and the passage is so clear, that +it is astonishing any person should, after reading it, have had the +courage to reproach me with my error. My situation was however still the +same, or something worse, by the animosity of my enemies, who sought to +find me in a fault. I feared a relapse, and unwilling to run the risk, +I preferred abstinence to exposing Theresa to a similar mortification. +I had besides remarked that a connection with women was prejudicial to my +health; this double reason made me form resolutions to which I had but +sometimes badly kept, but for the last three or four years I had more +constantly adhered to them. It was in this interval I had remarked +Theresa's coolness; she had the same attachment to me from duty, but not +the least from love. Our intercourse naturally became less agreeable, +and I imagined that, certain of the continuation of my cares wherever she +might be, she would choose to stay at Paris rather than to wander with +me. Yet she had given such signs of grief at our parting, had required +of me such positive promises that we should meet again, and, since my +departure, had expressed to the Prince de Conti and M. de Luxembourg so +strong a desire of it, that, far from having the courage to speak to her +of separation, I scarcely had enough to think of it myself; and after +having felt in my heart how impossible it was for me to do without her,. +all I thought of afterwards was to recall her to me as soon as possible. +I wrote to her to this effect, and she came. It was scarcely two months +since I had quitted her; but it was our first separation after a union of +so many years. We had both of us felt it most cruelly. What emotion in +our first embrace! O how delightful are the tears of tenderness and joy! +How does my heart drink them up! Why have I not had reason to shed them +more frequently? + +On my arrival at Motiers I had written to Lord Keith, marshal of Scotland +and governor of Neuchatel, informing him of my retreat into the states of +his Prussian majesty, and requesting of him his protection. He answered +me with his well-known generosity, and in the manner I had expected from +him. He invited me to his house. I went with M. Martinet, lord of the +manor of Val de Travers, who was in great favor with his excellency. +The venerable appearance of this illustrious and virtuous Scotchman, +powerfully affected my heart, and from that instant began between him and +me the strong attachment, which on my part still remains the same, and +would be so on his, had not the traitors, who have deprived me of all the +consolation of life, taken advantage of my absence to deceive his old age +and depreciate me in his esteem. + +George Keith, hereditary marshal of Scotland, and brother to the famous +General Keith, who lived gloriously and died in the bed of honor, had +quitted his country at a very early age, and was proscribed on account of +his attachment to the house of Stuart. With that house, however, he soon +became disgusted with the unjust and tyrannical spirit he remarked in the +ruling character of the Stuart family. He lived a long time in Spain, +the climate of which pleased him exceedingly, and at length attached +himself, as his brother had done, to the service of the King of Prussia, +who knew men and gave them the reception they merited. His majesty +received a great return for this reception, in the services rendered him +by Marshal Keith, and by what was infinitely more precious, the sincere +friendship of his lordship. The great mind of this worthy man, haughty +and republican, could stoop to no other yoke than that of friendship, but +to this it was so obedient, that with very different maxims he saw +nothing but Frederic the moment he became attached to him. The king +charged the marshal with affairs of importance, sent him to Paris, to +Spain, and at length, seeing he was already advanced in years, let him +retire with the government of Neuchatel, and the delightful employment of +passing there the remainder of his life in rendering the inhabitants +happy. + +The people of Neuchatel, whose manners are trivial, know not how to +distinguish solid merit, and suppose wit to consist in long discourses. +When they saw a sedate man of simple manners appear amongst them, they +mistook his simplicity for haughtiness, his candor for rusticity, his +laconism for stupidity, and rejected his benevolent cares, because, +wishing to be useful, and not being a sycophant, he knew not how to +flatter people he did not esteem. In the ridiculous affair of the +minister Petitpierre, who was displaced by his colleagues, for having +been unwilling they should be eternally damned, my lord, opposing the +usurpations of the ministers, saw the whole country of which he took the +part, rise up against him, and when I arrived there the stupid murmur had +not entirely subsided. He passed for a man influenced by the prejudices +with which he was inspired by others, and of all the imputations brought +against him it was the most devoid of truth. My first sentiment on +seeing this venerable old man, was that of tender commiseration, on +account of his extreme leanness of body, years having already left him +little else but skin and bone; but when I raised my eyes to his animated, +open, noble countenance, I felt a respect, mingled with confidence, which +absorbed every other sentiment. He answered the very short compliment I +made him when I first came into his presence by speaking of something +else, as if I had already been a week in his house. He did not bid us +sit down. The stupid chatelain, the lord of the manor, remained +standing. For my part I at first sight saw in the fine and piercing eye +of his lordship something so conciliating that, feeling myself entirely +at ease, I without ceremony, took my seat by his side upon the sofa. By +the familiarity of his manner I immediately perceived the liberty I took +gave him pleasure, and that he said to himself: This is not a +Neuchatelois. + +Singular effect of the similarity of characters! At an age when the +heart loses its natural warmth, that of this good old man grew warm by +his attachment to me to a degree which surprised everybody. He came to +see me at Motiers under the pretence of quail shooting, and stayed there +two days without touching a gun. We conceived such a friendship for each +other that we knew not how to live separate; the castle of Colombier, +where he passed the summer, was six leagues from Motiers; I went there at +least once a fortnight, and made a stay of twenty-four hours, and then +returned like a pilgrim with my heart full of affection for my host. The +emotion I had formerly experienced in my journeys from the Hermitage to +Raubonne was certainly very different, but it was not more pleasing than +that with which I approached Columbier. + +What tears of tenderness have I shed when on the road to it, while +thinking of the paternal goodness, amiable virtues, and charming +philosophy of this respectable old man! I called him father, and he +called me son. These affectionate names give, in some measure, an idea +of the attachment by which we were united, but by no means that of the +want we felt of each other, nor of our continual desire to be together. +He would absolutely give me an apartment at the castle of Columbier, and +for a long time pressed me to take up my residence in that in which I +lodged during my visits. I at length told him I was more free and at my +ease in my own house, and that I had rather continue until the end of my +life to come and see him. He approved of my candor, and never afterwards +spoke to me on the subject. Oh, my good lord! Oh, my worthy father! +How is my heart still moved when I think of your goodness? Ah, barbarous +wretches! how deeply did they wound me when they deprived me of your +friendship? But no, great man, you are and ever will be the same for me, +who am still the same. You have been deceived, but you are not changed. +My lord marechal is not without faults; he is a man of wisdom, but he is +still a man. With the greatest penetration, the nicest discrimination, +and the most profound knowledge of men, he sometimes suffers himself to +be deceived, and never recovers his error. His temper is very singular +and foreign to his general turn of mind. He seems to forget the people +he sees every day, and thinks of them in a moment when they least expect +it; his attention seems ill-timed; his presents are dictated by caprice +and not by propriety. He gives or sends in an instant whatever comes +into his head, be the value of it ever so small. A young Genevese, +desirous of entering into the service of Prussia, made a personal +application to him; his lordship, instead of giving him a letter, gave +him a little bag of peas, which he desired him to carry to the king. On +receiving this singular recommendation his majesty gave a commission to +the bearer of it. These elevated geniuses have between themselves a +language which the vulgar will never understand. The whimsical manner of +my lord marechal, something like the caprice of a fine woman, rendered +him still more interesting to me. I was certain, and afterwards had +proofs, that it had not the least influence over his sentiments, nor did +it affect the cares prescribed by friendship on serious occasions, yet in +his manner of obliging there is the same singularity as in his manners in +general. Of this I will give one instance relative to a matter of no +great importance. The journey from Motiers to Colombier being too long +for me to perform in one day, I commonly divided it by setting off after +dinner and sleeping at Brot, which is half way. The landlord of the +house where I stopped, named Sandoz, having to solicit at Berlin a favor +of importance to him, begged I would request his excellency to ask it in +his behalf. "Most willingly," said I, and took him with me. I left him +in the antechamber, and mentioned the matter to his lordship, who +returned me no answer. After passing with him the whole morning, I saw +as I crossed the hall to go to dinner, poor Sandoz, who was fatigued to +death with waiting. Thinking the governor had forgotten what I had said +to him, I again spoke of the business before we sat down to table, but +still received no answer. I thought this manner of making me feel I was +importunate rather severe, and, pitying the poor man in waiting, held my +tongue. On my return the next day I was much surprised at the thanks he +returned me for the good dinner his excellency had given him after +receiving his paper. Three weeks afterwards his lordship sent him the +rescript he had solicited, dispatched by the minister, and signed by the +king, and this without having said a word either to myself or Sandoz +concerning the business, about which I thought he did not wish to give +himself the least concern. + +I could wish incessantly to speak of George Keith; from him proceeds my +recollection of the last happy moments I have enjoyed: the rest of my +life, since our separation, has been passed in affliction and grief of +heart. The remembrance of this is so melancholy and confused that it was +impossible for me to observe the least order in what I write, so that in +future I shall be under the necessity of stating facts without giving +them a regular arrangement. + +I was soon relieved from my inquietude arising from the uncertainty of my +asylum, by the answer from his majesty to the lord marshal, in whom, as +it will readily be believed, I had found an able advocate. The king not +only approved of what he had done, but desired him, for I must relate +everything, to give me twelve louis. The good old man, rather +embarrassed by the commission, and not knowing how to execute it +properly, endeavored to soften the insult by transforming the money into +provisions, and writing to me that he had received orders to furnish me +with wood and coal to begin my little establishment; he moreover added, +and perhaps from himself, that his majesty would willingly build me a +little house, such a one as I should choose to have, provided I would fix +upon the ground. I was extremely sensible of the kindness of the last +offer, which made me forget the weakness of the other. Without accepting +either, I considered Frederic as my benefactor and protector, and became +so sincerely attached to him, that from that moment I interested myself +as much in his glory as until then I had thought his successes unjust. +At the peace he made soon after, I expressed my joy by an illumination in +a very good taste: it was a string of garlands, with which I decorated +the house I inhabited, and in which, it is true, I had the vindictive +haughtiness to spend almost as much money as he had wished to give me. +The peace ratified, I thought as he was at the highest pinnacle of +military and political fame, he would think of acquiring that of another +nature, by reanimating his states, encouraging in them commerce and +agriculture, creating a new soil, covering it with a new people, +maintaining peace amongst his neighbors, and becoming the arbitrator, +after having been the terror, of Europe. He was in a situation to sheath +his sword without danger, certain that no sovereign would oblige him +again to draw it. Perceiving he did not disarm, I was afraid he would +profit but little by the advantages he had gained, and that he would be +great only by halves. I dared to write to him upon the subject, and with +a familiarity of a nature to please men of his character, conveying to +him the sacred voice of truth, which but few kings are worthy to hear. +The liberty I took was a secret between him and myself. I did not +communicate it even to the lord marshal, to whom I sent my letter to the +king sealed up. His lordship forwarded my dispatch without asking what +it contained. His majesty returned me no answer and the marshal going +soon after to Berlin, the king told him he had received from me a +scolding. By this I understood my letter had been ill received, and the +frankness of my zeal had been mistaken for the rusticity of a pedant. +In fact, this might possibly be the case; perhaps I did not say what was +necessary, nor in the manner proper to the occasion. All I can answer +for is the sentiment which induced me to take up the pen. + +Shortly after my establishment at Motiers, Travers having every possible +assurance that I should be suffered to remain there in peace, I took the +Armenian habit. This was not the first time I had thought of doing it. +I had formerly had the same intention, particularly at Montmorency, where +the frequent use of probes often obliging me to keep my chamber, made me +more clearly perceive the advantages of a long robe. The convenience of +an Armenian tailor, who frequently came to see a relation he had at +Montmorency, almost tempted me to determine on taking this new dress, +troubling myself but little about what the world would say of it. Yet, +before I concluded about the matter, I wished to take the opinion of +M. de Luxembourg, who immediately advised me to follow my inclination. +I therefore procured a little Armenian wardrobe, but on account of the +storm raised against me, I was induced to postpone making use of it until +I should enjoy tranquillity, and it was not until some months afterwards +that, forced by new attacks of my disorder, I thought I could properly, +and without the least risk, put on my new dress at Motiers, especially +after having consulted the pastor of the place, who told me I might wear +it even in the temple without indecency. I then adopted the waistcoat, +caffetan, fur bonnet, and girdle; and after having in this dress attended +divine service, I saw no impropriety in going in it to visit his +lordship. His excellency in seeing me clothed in this manner made me no +other compliment than that which consisted in saying "Salaam aliakum," +i.e., "Peace be with you;" the common Turkish salutation; after which +nothing more was said upon the subject, and I continued to wear my new +dress. + +Having quite abandoned literature, all I now thought of was leading a +quiet life, and one as agreeable as I could make it. When alone, I have +never felt weariness of mind, not even in complete inaction; my +imagination filling up every void, was sufficient to keep up my +attention. The inactive babbling of a private circle, where, seated +opposite to each other, they who speak move nothing but the tongue, is +the only thing I have ever been unable to support. When walking and +rambling about there is some satisfaction in conversation; the feet and +eyes do something; but to hear people with their arms across speak of the +weather, of the biting of flies, or what is still worse, compliment each +other, is to me an insupportable torment. That I might not live like a +savage, I took it into my head to learn to make laces. Like the women, +I carried my cushion with me, when I went to make visits, or sat down to +work at my door, and chatted with passers-by. This made me the better +support the emptiness of babbling, and enabled me to pass my time with my +female neighbors without weariness. Several of these were very amiable +and not devoid of wit. One in particular, Isabella d'Ivernois, daughter +of the attorney-general of Neuchatel, I found so estimable as to induce +me to enter with her into terms of particular friendship, from which she +derived some advantage by the useful advice I gave her, and the services +she received from me on occasions of importance, so that now a worthy and +virtuous mother of a family, she is perhaps indebted to me for her +reason, her husband, her life, and happiness. On my part, I received +from her gentle consolation, particularly during a melancholy winter, +through out the whole of which when my sufferings were most cruel, she +came to pass with Theresa and me long evenings, which she made very short +for us by her agreeable conversation, and our mutual openness of heart. +She called me papa, and I called her daughter, and these names, which we +still give to each other, will, I hope, continue to be as dear to her as +they are to me. That my laces might be of some utility, I gave them to +my young female friends at their marriages, upon condition of their +suckling their children; Isabella's eldest sister had one upon these +terms, and well deserved it by her observance of them; Isabella herself +also received another, which, by intention she as fully merited. She has +not been happy enough to be able to pursue her inclination. When I sent +the laces to the two sisters, I wrote each of them a letter; the first +has been shown about in the world; the second has not the same celebrity: +friendship proceeds with less noise. + +Amongst the connections I made in my neighborhood, of which I will not +enter into a detail, I must mention that with Colonel Pury, who had a +house upon the mountain, where he came to pass the summer. I was not +anxious to become acquainted with him, because I knew he was upon bad +terms at court, and with the lord marshal, whom he did not visit. Yet, +as he came to see me, and showed me much attention, I was under the +necessity of returning his visit; this was repeated, and we sometimes +dined with each other. At his house I became acquainted with M. du +Perou, and afterwards too intimately connected with him to pass his name +over in silence. + +M. du Perou was an American, son to a commandant of Surinam, whose +successor, M. le Chambrier, of Neuchatel, married his widow. Left a +widow a second time, she came with her son to live in the country of her +second husband. + +Du Perou, an only son, very rich, and tenderly beloved by his mother, had +been carefully brought up, and his education was not lost upon him. He +had acquired much knowledge, a taste for the arts, and piqued himself +upon his having cultivated his rational faculty: his Dutch appearance, +yellow complexion, and silent and close disposition, favored this +opinion. Although young, he was already deaf and gouty. This rendered +his motions deliberate and very grave, and although he was fond of +disputing, he in general spoke but little because his hearing was bad. +I was struck with his exterior, and said to myself, this is a thinker, a +man of wisdom, such a one as anybody would be happy to have for a friend. +He frequently addressed himself to me without paying the least +compliment, and this strengthened the favorable opinion I had already +formed of him. He said but little to me of myself or my books, and still +less of himself; he was not destitute of ideas, and what he said was +just. This justness and equality attracted my regard. He had neither +the elevation of mind, nor the discrimination of the lord marshal, but he +had all his simplicity: this was still representing him in something. I +did not become infatuated with him, but he acquired my attachment from +esteem; and by degrees this esteem led to friendship, and I totally +forgot the objection I made to the Baron Holbach: that he was too rich. + +For a long time I saw but little of Du Perou, because I did not go to +Neuchatel, and he came but once a year to the mountain of Colonel Pury. +Why did I not go to Neuchatel? This proceeded from a childishness upon +which I must not be silent. + +Although protected by the King of Prussia and the lord marshal, while I +avoided persecution in my asylum, I did not avoid the murmurs of the +public, of municipal magistrates and ministers. After what had happened +in France it became fashionable to insult me; these people would have +been afraid to seem to disapprove of what my persecutors had done by not +imitating them. The 'classe' of Neuchatel, that is, the ministers of +that city, gave the impulse, by endeavoring to move the council of state +against me. This attempt not having succeeded, the ministers addressed +themselves to the municipal magistrate, who immediately prohibited my +book, treating me on all occasions with but little civility, and saying, +that had I wished to reside in the city I should not have been suffered +to do it. They filled their Mercury with absurdities and the most stupid +hypocrisy, which, although, it makes every man of sense laugh, animated +the people against me. This, however, did not prevent them from setting +forth that I ought to be very grateful for their permitting me to live at +Motiers, where they had no authority; they would willingly have measured +me the air by the pint, provided I had paid for it a dear price. They +would have it that I was obliged to them for the protection the king +granted me in spite of the efforts they incessantly made to deprive me of +it. Finally, failing of success, after having done me all the injury +they could, and defamed me to the utmost of their power, they made a +merit of their impotence, by boasting of their goodness in suffering me +to stay in their country. I ought to have laughed at their vain efforts, +but I was foolish enough to be vexed at them, and had the weakness to be +unwilling to go to Neuchatel, to which I yielded for almost two years, +as if it was not doing too much honor to such wretches, to pay attention +to their proceedings, which, good or bad, could not be imputed to them, +because they never act but from a foreign impulse. Besides, minds +without sense or knowledge, whose objects of esteem are influence, power +and money, and far from imagining even that some respect is due to +talents, and that it is dishonorable to injure and insult them. + +A certain mayor of a village, who from sundry malversations had been +deprived of his office, said to the lieutenant of Val de Travers, the +husband of Isabella: "I am told this Rousseau has great wit,--bring him +to me that I may see whether he has or not." The disapprobation of such +a man ought certainly to have no effect upon those on whom it falls. + +After the treatment I had received at Paris, Geneva, Berne, and even at +Neuchatel, I expected no favor from the pastor of this place. I had, +however, been recommended to him by Madam Boy de la Tour, and he had +given me a good reception; but in that country where every new-comer is +indiscriminately flattered, civilities signify but little. Yet, after my +solemn union with the reformed church, and living in a Protestant +country, I could not, without failing in my engagements, as well as in +the duty of a citizen, neglect the public profession of the religion into +which I had entered; I therefore attended divine service. On the other +hand, had I gone to the holy table, I was afraid of exposing myself to a +refusal, and it was by no means probable, that after the tumult excited +at Geneva by the council, and at Neuchatel by the classe (the ministers), +he would, without difficulty administer to me the sacrament in his +church. The time of communion approaching, I wrote to M. de Montmollin, +the minister, to prove to him my desire of communicating, and declaring +myself heartily united to the Protestant church; I also told him, in +order to avoid disputing upon articles of faith, that I would not hearken +to any particular explanation of the point of doctrine. After taking +these steps I made myself easy, not doubting but M. de Montmollin would +refuse to admit me without the preliminary discussion to which I refused +to consent, and that in this manner everything would be at an end without +any fault of mine. I was deceived: when I least expected anything of the +kind, M. de Montmollin came to declare to me not only that he admitted me +to the communion under the condition which I had proposed, but that he +and the elders thought themselves much honored by my being one of their +flock. I never in my whole life felt greater surprise or received from +it more consolation. Living always alone and unconnected, appeared to me +a melancholy destiny, especially in adversity. In the midst of so many +proscriptions and persecutions, I found it extremely agreeable to be able +to say to myself: I am at least amongst my brethren; and I went to the +communion with an emotion of heart, and my eyes suffused with tears of +tenderness, which perhaps were the most agreeable preparation to Him to +whose table I was drawing near. + +Sometime afterwards his lordship sent me a letter from Madam de +Boufflers, which he had received, at least I presumed so, by means of +D'Alembert, who was acquainted with the marechal. In this letter, the +first this lady had written to me after my departure from Montmorency, +she rebuked me severely for having written to M. de Montmollin, and +especially for having communicated. I the less understood what she meant +by her reproof, as after my journey to Geneva, I had constantly declared +myself a Protestant, and had gone publicly to the Hotel de Hollande +without incurring the least censure from anybody. It appeared to me +diverting enough, that Madam de Boufflers should wish to direct my +conscience in matters of religion. However, as I had no doubt of the +purity of her intention, I was not offended by this singular sally, and I +answered her without anger, stating to her my reasons. + +Calumnies in print were still industriously circulated, and their benign +authors reproached the different powers with treating me too mildly. +For my part, I let them say and write what they pleased, without giving +myself the least concern about the matter. I was told there was a +censure from the Sorbonne, but this I could not believe. What could the +Sorbonne have to do in the matter? Did the doctors wish to know to a +certainty that I was not a Catholic? Everybody already knew I was not +one. Were they desirous of proving I was not a good Calvinist? Of what +consequence was this to them? It was taking upon themselves a singular +care, and becoming the substitutes of our ministers. Before I saw this +publication I thought it was distributed in the name of the Sorbonne, by +way of mockery: and when I had read it I was convinced this was the case. +But when at length there was not a doubt of its authenticity, all I could +bring myself to believe was, that the learned doctors would have been +better placed in a madhouse than they were in the college. + +I was more affected by another publication, because it came from a man +for whom I always had an esteem, and whose constancy I admired, though I +pitied his blindness. I mean the mandatory letter against me by the +archbishop of Paris. I thought to return an answer to it was a duty I +owed myself. This I felt I could do without derogating from my dignity; +the case was something similar to that of the King of Poland. I had +always detested brutal disputes, after the manner of Voltaire. I never +combat but with dignity, and before I deign to defend myself I must be +certain that he by whom I am attacked will not dishonor my retort. I had +no doubt but this letter was fabricated by the Jesuits, and although they +were at that time in distress, I discovered in it their old principle of +crushing the wretched. I was therefore at liberty to follow my ancient +maxim, by honoring the titulary author, and refuting the work which I +think I did completely. + +I found my residence at Motiers very agreeable, and nothing was wanting +to determine me to end my days there, but a certainty of the means of +subsistence. Living is dear in that neighborhood, and all my old +projects had been overturned by the dissolution of my household +arrangements at Montmorency, the establishment of others, the sale or +squandering of my furniture, and the expenses incurred since my +departure. The little capital which remained to me daily diminished. +Two or three years were sufficient to consume the remainder without my +having the means of renewing it, except by again engaging in literary +pursuits: a pernicious profession which I had already abandoned. +Persuaded that everything which concerned me would change, and that the +public, recovered from its frenzy, would make my persecutors blush, all +my endeavors tended to prolong my resources until this happy revolution +should take place, after which I should more at my ease choose a resource +from amongst those which might offer themselves. To this effect I took +up my Dictionary of Music, which ten years' labor had so far advanced as +to leave nothing wanting to it but the last corrections. My books which +I had lately received, enabled me to finish this work; my papers sent me +by the same conveyance, furnished me with the means of beginning my +memoirs to which I was determined to give my whole attention. I began by +transcribing the letters into a book, by which my memory might be guided +in the order of fact and time. I had already selected those I intended +to keep for this purpose, and for ten years the series was not +interrupted. However, in preparing them for copying I found an +interruption at which I was surprised. This was for almost six months, +from October, 1756, to March following. I recollected having put into my +selection a number of letters from Diderot, De Leyre, Madam d' Epinay, +Madam de Chenonceaux, etc., which filled up the void and were missing. +What was become of them? Had any person laid their hands upon my papers +whilst they remained in the Hotel de Luxembourg? This was not +conceivable, and I had seen M. de Luxembourg take the key of the chamber +in which I had deposited them. Many letters from different ladies, and +all those from Diderot, were without date, on which account I had been +under the necessity of dating them from memory before they could be put +in order, and thinking I might have committed errors, I again looked them +over for the purpose of seeing whether or not I could find those which +ought to fill up the void. This experiment did not succeed. I perceived +the vacancy to be real, and that the letters had certainly been taken +away. By whom and for what purpose? This was what I could not +comprehend. These letters, written prior to my great quarrels, and at +the time of my first enthusiasm in the composition of 'Eloisa', could not +be interesting to any person. They contained nothing more than +cavillings by Diderot, jeerings from De Leyre, assurances of friendship +from M. de Chenonceaux, and even Madam d'Epinay, with whom I was then +upon the best of terms. To whom were these letters of consequence? To +what use were they to be put? It was not until seven years afterwards +that I suspected the nature of the theft. The deficiency being no longer +doubtful, I looked over my rough drafts to see whether or not it was the +only one. I found several, which on account of the badness of my memory, +made me suppose others in the multitude of my papers. Those I remarked +were that of the 'Morale Sensitive', and the extract of the adventures of +Lord Edward. The last, I confess, made me suspect Madam de Luxembourg. +La Roche, her valet de chambre, had sent me the papers, and I could think +of nobody but herself to whom this fragment could be of consequence; but +what concern could the other give her, any more than the rest of the +letters missing, with which, even with evil intentions, nothing to my +prejudice could be done, unless they were falsified? As for the +marechal, with whose friendship for me, and invariable integrity, I was +perfectly acquainted, I never could suspect him for a moment. The most +reasonable supposition, after long tormenting my mind in endeavoring to +discover the author of the theft, that which imputed it to D'Alembert, +who, having thrust himself into the company of Madam de Luxembourg, might +have found means to turn over these papers, and take from amongst them +such manuscripts and letters as he might have thought proper, either for +the purpose of endeavoring to embroil me with the writer of them, or to +appropriate those he should find useful to his own private purposes. I +imagined that, deceived by the title of Morale Sensitive, he might have +supposed it to be the plan of a real treatise upon materialism, with +which he would have armed himself against me in a manner easy to be +imagined. Certain that he would soon be undeceived by reading the sketch +and determined to quit all literary pursuits, these larcenies gave me but +little concern. They besides were not the first the same hand + + [I had found in his 'Elemens de Musique' (Elements of Music) + several things taken from what I had written for the 'Encyclopedie', + and which were given to him several years before the publication of + his elements. I know not what he may have had to do with a book + entitled 'Dictionaire des Beaux Arts' (Dictionary of the Fine Arts) + but I found in it articles transcribed word for word from mine, and + this long before the same articles were printed in the + Encyclopedie.] + +had committed upon me without having complained of these pilferings. In +a very little time I thought no more of the trick that had been played me +than if nothing had happened, and began to collect the materials I had +left for the purpose of undertaking my projected confessions. + +I had long thought the company of ministers, or at least the citizens and +burgesses of Geneva, would remonstrate against the infraction of the +edict in the decree made against me. Everything remained quiet, at least +to all exterior appearance; for discontent was general, and ready, on the +first opportunity, openly to manifest itself. My friends, or persons +calling themselves such, wrote letter after letter exhorting me to come +and put myself at their head, assuring me of public separation from the +council. The fear of the disturbance and troubles which might be caused +by my presence, prevented me from acquiescing with their desires, and, +faithful to the oath I had formerly made, never to take the least part in +any civil dissension in my country, I chose rather to let the offence +remain as it was, and banish myself forever from the country, than to +return to it by means which were violent and dangerous. It is true, +I expected the burgesses would make legal remonstrances against an +infraction in which their interests were deeply concerned; but no such +steps were taken. They who conducted the body of citizens sought less +the real redress of grievances than an opportunity to render themselves +necessary. They caballed but were silent, and suffered me to be +bespattered by the gossips and hypocrites set on to render me odious in +the eyes of the populace, and pass upon them their boistering for a zeal +in favor of religion. + +After having, during a whole year, vainly expected that some one would +remonstrate against an illegal proceeding, and seeing myself abandoned by +my fellow-citizens, I determined to renounce my ungrateful country in +which I never had lived, from which I had not received either inheritance +or services, and by which, in return for the honor I had endeavored to do +it, I saw myself so unworthily treated by unanimous consent, since they, +who should have spoken, had remained silent. I therefore wrote to the +first syndic for that year, to M. Favre, if I remember right, a letter in +which I solemnly gave up my freedom of the city of Geneva, carefully +observing in it, however, that decency and moderation, from which I have +never departed in the acts of haughtiness which, in my misfortunes, the +cruelty of my enemies have frequently forced upon me, + +This step opened the eyes of the citizens, who feeling they had neglected +their own interests by abandoning my defence, took my part when it was +too late. They had wrongs of their own which they joined to mine, and +made these the subject of several well-reasoned representations, which +they strengthened and extended, as the refusal of the council, supported +by the ministry of France, made them more clearly perceive the project +formed to impose on them a yoke. These altercations produced several +pamphlets which were undecisive, until that appeared entitled 'Lettres +ecrites de la Campagne', a work written in favor of the council, with +infinite art, and by which the remonstrating party, reduced to silence, +was crushed for a time. This production, a lasting monument of the rare +talents of its author, came from the Attorney-General Tronchin, a man of +wit and an enlightened understanding, well versed in the laws and +government of the republic. 'Siluit terra'. + +The remonstrators, recovered from their first overthrow, undertook to +give an answer, and in time produced one which brought them off tolerably +well. But they all looked to me, as the only person capable of combating +a like adversary with hope of success. I confess I was of their opinion, +and excited by my former fellow-citizens, who thought it was my duty to +aid them with my pen, as I had been the cause of their embarrassment, I +undertook to refute the 'Lettres ecrites de la Campagne', and parodied +the title of them by that of 'Lettres ecrites de la Montagne,' which I +gave to mine. I wrote this answer so secretly, that at a meeting I had +at Thonon, with the chiefs of the malcontents to talk of their affairs, +and where they showed me a sketch of their answer, I said not a word of +mine, which was quite ready, fearing obstacles might arise relative to +the impression of it, should the magistrate or my enemies hear of what I +had done. This work was, however known in France before the publication; +but government chose rather to let it appear, than to suffer me to guess +at the means by which my secret had been discovered. Concerning this I +will state what I know, which is but trifling: what I have conjectured +shall remain with myself. + +I received, at Motiers, almost as many visits as at the Hermitage and +Montmorency; but these, for the most part were a different kind. They +who had formerly come to see me were people who, having taste, talents, +and principles, something similar to mine, alleged them as the causes of +their visits, and introduced subjects on which I could converse. At +Motiers the case was different, especially with the visitors who came +from France. They were officers or other persons who had no taste for +literature, nor had many of them read my works, although, according to +their own accounts, they had travelled thirty, forty, sixty, and even a +hundred leagues to come and see me, and admire the illustrious man, the +very celebrated, the great man, etc. For from the time of my settling at +Motiers, I received the most impudent flattery, from which the esteem of +those with whom I associated had formerly sheltered me. As but few of my +new visitors deigned to tell me who or what they were, and as they had +neither read nor cast their eye over my works, nor had their researches +and mine been directed to the same objects, I knew not what to speak to +them upon: I waited for what they had to say, because it was for them to +know and tell me the purpose of their visit. It will naturally be +imagined this did not produce conversations very interesting to me, +although they, perhaps, were so to my visitors, according to the +information they might wish to acquire; for as I was without suspicion, +I answered without reserve, to every question they thought proper to ask +me, and they commonly went away as well informed as myself of the +particulars of my situation. + +I was, for example, visited in this manner by M. de Feins, equerry to the +queen, and captain of cavalry, who had the patience to pass several days +at Motiers, and to follow me on foot even to La Ferriere, leading his +horse by the bridle, without having with me any point of union, except +our acquaintance with Mademoiselle Fel, and that we both played at +'bilboquet'. [A kind of cup and ball.] + +Before this I had received another visit much more extraordinary. Two +men arrived on foot, each leading a mule loaded with his little baggage, +lodging at the inn, taking care of their mules and asking to see me. By +the equipage of these muleteers they were taken for smugglers, and the +news that smugglers were come to see me was instantly spread. Their +manner of addressing me sufficiently showed they were persons of another +description; but without being smugglers they might be adventurers, and +this doubt kept me for some time on my guard. They soon removed my +apprehensions. One was M. de Montauban, who had the title of Comte de la +Tour du Pin, gentleman to the dauphin; the other, M. Dastier de +Carpentras, an old officer who had his cross of St. Louis in his pocket, +because he could not display it. These gentlemen, both very amiable, +were men of sense, and their manner of travelling, so much to my own +taste, and but little like that of French gentlemen, in some measure +gained them my attachment, which an intercourse with them served to +improve. Our acquaintance did not end with the visit; it is still kept +up, and they have since been several times to see me, not on foot, that +was very well for the first time; but the more I have seen of these +gentlemen the less similarity have I found between their taste and mine; +I have not discovered their maxims to be such as I have ever observed, +that my writings are familiar to them, or that there is any real sympathy +between them and myself. What, therefore, did they want with me? Why +came they to see me with such an equipage? Why repeat their visit? Why +were they so desirous of having me for their host? I did not at that +time propose to myself these questions; but they have sometimes occurred +to me since. + +Won by their advances, my heart abandoned itself without reserve, +especially to M. Dastier, with whose open countenance I was more +particularly pleased. I even corresponded with him, and when I +determined to print the 'Letters from the Mountains', I thought of +addressing myself to him, to deceive those by whom my packet was waited +for upon the road to Holland. He had spoken to me a good deal, and +perhaps purposely, upon the liberty of the press at Avignon; he offered +me his services should I have anything to print there: I took advantage +of the offer and sent him successively by the post my first sheets. +After having kept these for some time, he sent them back to me, +"Because," said he, "no bookseller dared to sell them;" and I was obliged +to have recourse to Rey taking care to send my papers, one after the +other, and not to part with those which succeeded until I had advice of +the reception of those already sent. Before the work was published, +I found it had been seen in the office of the ministers, and D'Escherny, +of Neuchatel, spoke to me of the book, entitled 'Del' Homme de la +Monlagne', which D'Holbach had told him was by me. I assured him, and it +was true, that I never had written a book which bore that title. When +the letters appeared he became furious, and accused me of falsehood; +although I had told him truth. By this means I was certain my manuscript +had been read; as I could not doubt the fidelity of Rey, the most +rational conjecture seemed to be, that my packets had been opened at the +post-house. + +Another acquaintance I made much about the same time, but which was begun +by letters, was that with M. Laliand of Nimes, who wrote to me from +Paris, begging I would send him my profile; he said he was in want of it +for my bust in marble, which Le Moine was making for him to be placed in +his library. If this was a pretence invented to deceive me, it fully +succeeded. I imagined that a man who wished to have my bust in marble in +his library had his head full of my works, consequently of my principles, +and that he loved me because his mind was in unison with mine. It was +natural this idea should seduce me. I have since seen M. Laliand. I +found him very ready to render me many trifling services, and to concern +himself in my little affairs, but I have my doubts of his having, in the +few books he ever read, fallen upon any one of those I have written. I +do not know that he has a library, or that such a thing is of any use to +him; and for the bust he has a bad figure in plaster, by Le Moine, from +which has been engraved a hideous portrait that bears my name, as if it +bore to me some resemblance. + +The only Frenchman who seemed to come to see me, on account of my +sentiments, and his taste for my works, was a young officer of the +regiment of Limousin, named Seguier de St. Brisson. He made a figure in +Paris, where he still perhaps distinguishes himself by his pleasing +talents and wit. He came once to Montmorency, the winter which preceded +my catastrophe. I was pleased with his vivacity. He afterwards wrote to +me at Motiers, and whether he wished to flatter me, or that his head was +turned with Emilius, he informed me he was about to quit the service to +live independently, and had begun to learn the trade of a carpenter. He +had an elder brother, a captain in the same regiment, the favorite of the +mother, who, a devotee to excess, and directed by I know not what +hypocrite, did not treat the youngest son well, accusing him of +irreligion, and what was still worse, of the unpardonable crime of being +connected with me. These were the grievances, on account of which he was +determined to break with his mother, and adopt the manner of life of +which I have just spoken, all to play the part of the young Emilius. +Alarmed at his petulance, I immediately wrote to him, endeavoring to make +him change his resolution, and my exhortations were as strong as I could +make them. They had their effect. He returned to his duty, to his +mother, and took back the resignation he had given the colonel, who had +been prudent enough to make no use of it, that the young man might have +time to reflect upon what he had done. St. Brisson, cured of these +follies, was guilty of another less alarming, but, to me, not less +disagreeable than the rest: he became an author. He successively +published two or three pamphlets which announced a man not devoid of +talents, but I have not to reproach myself with having encouraged him by +my praises to continue to write. + +Some time afterwards he came to see me, and we made together a pilgrimage +to the island of St. Pierre. During this journey I found him different +from what I saw of him at Montmorency. He had, in his manner, something +affected, which at first did not much disgust me, although I have since +thought of it to his disadvantage. He once visited me at the hotel de +St. Simon, as I passed through Paris on my way to England. I learned +there what he had not told me, that he lived in the great world, and +often visited Madam de Luxembourg. Whilst I was at Trie, I never heard +from him, nor did he so much as make inquiry after me, by means of his +relation Mademoiselle Seguier, my neighbor. This lady never seemed +favorably disposed towards me. In a word, the infatuation of M. de St. +Brisson ended suddenly, like the connection of M. de Feins: but this man +owed me nothing, and the former was under obligations to me, unless the +follies I prevented him from committing were nothing more than +affectation; which might very possibly be the case. + +I had visits from Geneva also. The Delucs, father and son, successively +chose me for their attendant in sickness. The father was taken ill on +the road, the son was already sick when he left Geneva; they both came to +my house. Ministers, relations, hypocrites, and persons of every +description came from Geneva and Switzerland, not like those from France, +to laugh at and admire me, but to rebuke and catechise me. The only +person amongst them, who gave me pleasure, was Moultou, who passed with +me three or four days, and whom I wished to remain much longer; the most +persevering of all, the most obstinate, and who conquered me by +importunity, was a M. d'Ivernois, a merchant at Geneva, a French refugee, +and related to the attorney-general of Neuchatel. This man came from +Geneva to Motiers twice a year, on purpose to see me, remained with me +several days together from morning to night, accompanied me in my walks, +brought me a thousand little presents, insinuated himself in spite of me +into my confidence, and intermeddled in all my affairs, notwithstanding +there was not between him and myself the least similarity of ideas, +inclination, sentiment, or knowledge. I do not believe he ever read a +book of any kind throughout, or that he knows upon what subject mine are +written. When I began to herbalize, he followed me in my botanical +rambles, without taste for that amusement, or having anything to say to +me or I to him. He had the patience to pass with me three days in a +public house at Goumoins, whence, by wearying him and making him feel how +much he wearied me, I was in hopes of driving him away. I could not, +however, shake his incredible perseverance, nor by any means discover the +motive of it. + +Amongst these connections, made and continued by force, I must not omit +the only one that was agreeable to me, and in which my heart was really +interested: this was that I had with a young Hungarian who came to live +at Neuchatel, and from that place to Motiers, a few months after I had +taken up my residence there. He was called by the people of the country +the Baron de Sauttern, by which name he had been recommended from Zurich. +He was tall, well made, had an agreeable countenance, and mild and social +qualities. He told everybody, and gave me also to understand that he +came to Neuchatel for no other purpose, than that of forming his youth to +virtue, by his intercourse with me. His physiognomy, manner, and +behavior, seemed well suited to his conversation, and I should have +thought I failed in one of the greatest duties had I turned my back upon +a young man in whom I perceived nothing but what was amiable, and who +sought my acquaintance from so respectable a motive. My heart knows not +how to connect itself by halves. He soon acquired my friendship, and all +my confidence, and we were presently inseparable. He accompanied me in +all my walks, and become fond of them. I took him to the marechal, who +received him with the utmost kindness. As he was yet unable to explain +himself in French, he spoke and wrote to me in Latin, I answered in +French, and this mingling of the two languages did not make our +conversations either less smooth or lively. He spoke of his family, his +affairs, his adventures, and of the court of Vienna, with the domestic +details of which he seemed well acquainted. In fine, during two years +which we passed in the greatest intimacy, I found in him a mildness of +character proof against everything, manners not only polite but elegant, +great neatness of person, an extreme decency in his conversation, in a +word, all the marks of a man born and educated a gentleman, and which +rendered him in my eyes too estimable not to make him dear to me. + +At the time we were upon the most intimate and friendly terms, +D' Ivernois wrote to me from Geneva, putting me upon my guard against the +young Hungarian who had taken up his residence in my neighborhood; +telling me he was a spy whom the minister of France had appointed to +watch my proceedings. This information was of a nature to alarm me the +more, as everybody advised me to guard against the machinations of +persons who were employed to keep an eye upon my actions, and to entice +me into France for the purpose of betraying me. To shut the mouths, once +for all, of these foolish advisers, I proposed to Sauttern, without +giving him the least intimation of the information I had received, +a journey on foot to Pontarlier, to which he consented. As soon as we +arrived there I put the letter from D'Ivernois into his hands, and after +giving him an ardent embrace, I said: "Sauttern has no need of a proof of +my confidence in him, but it is necessary I should prove to the public +that I know in whom to place it." This embrace was accompanied with a +pleasure which persecutors can neither feel themselves, nor take away +from the oppressed. + +I will never believe Sauttern was a spy, nor that he betrayed me: but I +was deceived by him. When I opened to him my heart without reserve, he +constantly kept his own shut, and abused me by lies. He invented I know +not what kind of story, to prove to me his presence was necessary in his +own country. I exhorted him to return to it as soon as possible. He +setoff, and when I thought he was in Hungary, I learned he was at +Strasbourgh. This was not the first time he had been there. He had +caused some disorder in a family in that city; and the husband knowing I +received him in my house, wrote to me. I used every effort to bring the +young woman back to the paths of virtue, and Sauttern to his duty. + +When I thought they were perfectly detached from each other, they renewed +their acquaintance, and the husband had the complaisance to receive the +young man at his house; from that moment I had nothing more to say. +I found the pretended baron had imposed upon me by a great number of +lies. His name was not Sauttern, but Sauttersheim. With respect to the +title of baron, given him in Switzerland, I could not reproach him with +the impropriety, because he had never taken it; but I have not a doubt of +his being a gentleman, and the marshal, who knew mankind, and had been in +Hungary, always considered and treated him as such. + +He had no sooner left my neighborhood, than the girl at the inn where he +eat, at Motiers, declared herself with child by him. She was so dirty a +creature, and Sauttern, generally esteemed in the country for his conduct +and purity of morals, piqued himself so much upon cleanliness, that +everybody was shocked at this impudent pretension. The most amiable +women of the country, who had vainly displayed to him their charms, were +furious: I myself was almost choked with indignation. I used every +effort to get the tongue of this impudent woman stopped, offering to pay +all expenses, and to give security for Sauttersheim. I wrote to him in +the fullest persuasion, not only that this pregnancy could not relate to +him, but that it was feigned, and the whole a machination of his enemies +and mine. I wished him to return and confound the strumpet, and those by +whom she was dictated to. The pusillanimity of his answer surprised me. +He wrote to the master of the parish to which the creature belonged, and +endeavored to stifle the matter. Perceiving this, I concerned myself no +more about it, but I was astonished that a man who could stoop so low +should have been sufficiently master of himself to deceive me by his +reserve in the closest familiarity. + +From Strasbourgh, Sauttersheim went to seek his fortune in Paris, and +found there nothing but misery. He wrote to me acknowledging his error. +My compassion was excited by the recollection of our former friendship, +and I sent him a sum of money. The year following, as I passed through +Paris, I saw him much in the same situation; but he was the intimate +friend of M. de Laliand, and I could not learn by what means he had +formed this acquaintance, or whether it was recent or of long standing. +Two years afterwards Sauttersheim returned to Strasbourgh, whence he +wrote to me and where he died. This, in a few words, is the history of +our connection, and what I know of his adventures; but while I mourn the +fate of the unhappy young man, I still, and ever shall, believe he was +the son of people of distinction, and the impropriety of his conduct was +the effect of the situations to which he was reduced. + +Such were the connections and acquaintance I acquired at Motiers. How +many of these would have been necessary to compensate the cruel losses I +suffered at the same time. + +The first of these was that of M. de Luxembourg, who, after having been +long tormented by the physicians, at length became their victim, by being +treated for the gout which they would not acknowledge him to have, as for +a disorder they thought they could cure. + +According to what La Roche, the confidential servant of Madam de +Luxembourg, wrote to me relative to what had happened, it is by this +cruel and memorable example that the miseries of greatness are to be +deplored. + +The loss of this good nobleman afflicted me the more, as he was the only +real friend I had in France, and the mildness of his character was such +as to make me quite forget his rank, and attach myself to him as his +equal. Our connection was not broken off on account of my having quitted +the kingdom; he continued to write to me as usual. + +I nevertheless thought I perceived that absence, or my misfortune, had +cooled his affection for me. It is difficult to a courtier to preserve +the same attachment to a person whom he knows to be in disgrace with +courts. I moreover suspected the great ascendancy Madam de Luxembourg +had over his mind, had been unfavorable to me, and that she had taken +advantage of our separation to injure me in his esteem. For her part, +notwithstanding a few affected marks of regard, which daily became less +frequent, she less concealed the change in her friendship. She wrote to +me four or five times into Switzerland, after which she never wrote to me +again, and nothing but my prejudice, confidence and blindness, could have +prevented my discovering in her something more than a coolness towards +me. + +Guy the bookseller, partner with Duchesne, who, after I had left +Montmorency, frequently went to the hotel de Luxembourg, wrote to me that +my name was in the will of the marechal. There was nothing in this +either incredible or extraordinary, on which account I had no doubt of +the truth of the information. I deliberated within myself whether or not +I should receive the legacy. Everything well considered, I determined to +accept it, whatever it might be, and to do that honor to the memory of an +honest man, who, in a rank in which friendship is seldom found, had had a +real one for me. I had not this duty to fulfill. I heard no more of the +legacy, whether it were true or false; and in truth I should have felt +some pain in offending against one of the great maxims of my system of +morality, in profiting by anything at the death of a person whom I had +once held dear. During the last illness of our friend Mussard, Leneips +proposed to me to take advantage of the grateful sense he expressed for +our cares, to insinuate to him dispositions in our favor. "Ah! my dear +Leneips," said I, "let us not pollute by interested ideas the sad but +sacred duties we discharge towards our dying friend. I hope my name will +never be found in the testament of any person, at least not in that of a +friend." It was about this time that my lord marshal spoke to me of his, +of what he intended to do in it for me, and that I made him the answer of +which I have spoken in the first part of my memoirs. + +My second loss, still more afflicting and irreparable, was that of the +best of women and mothers, who, already weighed down with years, and +overburthened with infirmities and misery, quitted this vale of tears for +the abode of the blessed, where the amiable remembrance of the good we +have done here below is the eternal reward of our benevolence. Go, +gentle and beneficent shade, to those of Fenelon, Berneg, Catinat, and +others, who in a more humble state have, like them, opened their hearts +to pure charity; go and taste of the fruit of your own benevolence, and +prepare for your son the place he hopes to fill by your side. Happy in +your misfortunes that Heaven, in putting to them a period, has spared you +the cruel spectacle of his! Fearing, lest I should fill her heart with +sorrow by the recital of my first disasters, I had not written to her +since my arrival in Switzerland; but I wrote to M. de Conzie, to inquire +after her situation, and it was from him I learned she had ceased to +alleviate the sufferings of the afflicted, and that her own were at an +end. I myself shall not suffer long; but if I thought I should not see +her again in the life to come, my feeble imagination would less delight +in the idea of the perfect happiness I there hope to enjoy. + +My third and last loss, for since that time I have not had a friend to +lose, was that of the lord marshal. He did not die but tired of serving +the ungratful, he left Neuchatel, and I have never seen him since. +He still lives, and will, I hope, survive me: he is alive, and thanks to +him all my attachments on earth are not destroyed. There is one man +still worthy of my friendship; for the real value of this consists more +in what we feel than in that which we inspire; but I have lost the +pleasure I enjoyed in his, and can rank him in the number of those only +whom I love, but with whom I am no longer connected. He went to England +to receive the pardon of the king, and acquired the possession of the +property which formerly had been confiscated. We did not separate +without an intention of again being united, the idea of which seemed to +give him as much pleasure as I received from it. He determined to reside +at Keith Hall, near Aberdeen, and I was to join him as soon as he was +settled there: but this project was too flattering to my hopes to give me +any of its success. He did not remain in Scotland. The affectionate +solicitations of the King of Prussia induced him to return to Berlin, +and the reason of my not going to him there will presently appear. + +Before this departure, foreseeing the storm which my enemies began to +raise against me, he of his own accord sent me letters of naturalization, +which seemed to be a certain means of preventing me from being driven +from the country. The community of the Convent of Val de Travers +followed the example of the governor, and gave me letters of Communion, +gratis, as they were the first. Thus, in every respect, become a +citizen, I was sheltered from legal expulsion, even by the prince; but it +has never been by legitimate means, that the man who, of all others, has +shown the greatest respect for the laws, has been persecuted. I do not +think I ought to enumerate, amongst the number of my losses at this time, +that of the Abbe Malby. Having lived sometime at the house of his +mother, I have been acquainted with the abbe, but not very intimately, +and I have reason to believe the nature of his sentiments with respect to +me changed after I acquired a greater celebrity than he already had. But +the first time I discovered his insincerity was immediately after the +publication of the 'Letters from the Mountain'. A letter attributed to +him, addressed to Madam Saladin, was handed about in Geneva, in which he +spoke of this work as the seditious clamors of a furious demagogue. + +The esteem I had for the Abbe Malby, and my great opinion of his +understanding, did not permit me to believe this extravagant letter was +written by him. I acted in this business with my usual candor. I sent +him a copy of the letter, informing him he was said to be the author of +it. He returned me no answer. This silence astonished me: but what was +my surprise when by a letter I received from Madam de Chenonceaux, +I learned the Abbe was really the author of that which was attributed to +him, and found himself greatly embarrassed by mine. For even supposing +for a moment that what he stated was true, how could he justify so public +an attack, wantonly made, without obligation or necessity, for the sole +purpose of overwhelming in the midst of his greatest misfortunes, a man +to whom he had shown himself a well-wisher, and who had not done anything +that could excite his enmity? In a short time afterwards the 'Dialogues +of Phocion', in which I perceived nothing but a compilation, without +shame or restraint, from my writings, made their appearance. + +In reading this book I perceived the author had not the least regard for +me, and that in future I must number him among my most bitter enemies. +I do not believe he has ever pardoned me for the Social Contract, far +superior to his abilities, or the Perpetual Peace; and I am, besides, of +opinion that the desire he expressed that I should make an extract from +the Abby de St. Pierre, proceeded from a supposition in him that I should +not acquit myself of it so well. + +The further I advance in my narrative, the less order I feel myself +capable of observing. The agitation of the rest of my life has deranged +in my ideas the succession of events. These are too numerous, confused, +and disagreeable to be recited in due order. The only strong impression +they have left upon my mind is that of the horrid mystery by which the +cause of them is concealed, and of the deplorable state to which they +have reduced me. My narrative will in future be irregular, and according +to the events which, without order, may occur to my recollection. +I remember about the time to which I refer, full of the idea of my +confessions, I very imprudently spoke of them to everybody, never +imagining it could be the wish or interest, much less within the power +of any person whatsoever, to throw an obstacle in the way of this +undertaking, and had I suspected it, even this would not have rendered +me more discreet, as from the nature of my disposition it is totally +impossible for me to conceal either my thoughts or feelings. The +knowledge of this enterprise was, as far as I can judge, the cause of the +storm that was raised to drive me from Switzerland, and deliver me into +the hands of those by whom I might be prevented from executing it. + +I had another project in contemplation which was not looked upon with a +more favorable eye by those who were afraid of the first: this was a +general edition of my works. I thought this edition of them necessary to +ascertain what books, amongst those to which my name was affixed, were +really written by me, and to furnish the public with the means of +distinguishing them from the writings falsely attributed to me by my +enemies, to bring me to dishonor and contempt. This was besides a simple +and an honorable means of insuring to myself a livelihood, and the only +one that remained to me. As I had renounced the profession of an author, +my memoirs not being of a nature to appear during my lifetime; as I no +longer gained a farthing in any manner whatsoever, and constantly lived +at a certain expense, I saw the end of my resources in that of the +produce of the last things I had written. This reason had induced me to +hasten the finishing of my Dictionary of Music, which still was +incomplete. I had received for it a hundred louis(guineas) and a life +annuity of three hundred livres; but a hundred louis could not last long +in the hands of a man who annually expended upwards of sixty, and three- +hundred livres (twelve guineas) a year was but a trifling sum to one upon +whom parasites and beggarly visitors lighted like a swarm of flies. + +A company of merchants from Neuchatel came to undertake the general +edition, and a printer or bookseller of the name of Reguillat, from +Lyons, thrust himself, I know not by what means, amongst them to direct +it. The agreement was made upon reasonable terms, and sufficient to +accomplish my object. I had in print and manuscript, matter for six +volumes in quarto. I moreover agreed to give my assistance in bringing +out the edition. The merchants were, on their part, to pay me a thousand +crowns (one hundred and twenty-five pounds) down, and to assign me an +annuity of sixteen hundred livres (sixty-six pounds) for life. + +The agreement was concluded but not signed, when the Letters from the +Mountain appeared. The terrible explosion caused by this infernal work, +and its abominable author, terrified the company, and the undertaking was +at an end. + +I would compare the effect of this last production to that of the Letter +on French Music, had not that letter, while it brought upon me hatred, +and exposed me to danger, acquired me respect and esteem. But after the +appearance of the last work, it was a matter of astonishment at Geneva +and Versailles that such a monster as the author of it should be suffered +to exist. The little council, excited by Resident de France, and +directed by the attorney-general, made a declaration against my work, +by which, in the most severe terms, it was declared to be unworthy of +being burned by the hands of the hangman, adding, with an address which +bordered upon the burlesque, there was no possibility of speaking of or +answering it without dishonor. I would here transcribe the curious. +piece of composition, but unfortunately I have it not by me. I ardently +wish some of my readers, animated by the zeal of truth and equity, would +read over the Letters from the Mountain: they will, I dare hope, feel the +stoical moderation which reigns throughout the whole, after all the cruel +outrages with which the author was loaded. But unable to answer the +abuse, because no part of it could be called by that name nor to the +reasons because these were unanswerable, my enemies pretended to appear +too much enraged to reply: and it is true, if they took the invincible +arguments it contains, for abuse, they must have felt themselves roughly +treated. + +The remonstrating party, far from complaining of the odious declaration, +acted according to the spirit of it, and instead of making a trophy of +the Letters from the Mountain, which they veiled to make them serve as a +shield, were pusillanimous enough not to do justice or honor to that +work, written to defend them, and at their own solicitation. They did +not either quote or mention the letters, although they tacitly drew from +them all their arguments, and by exactly following the advice with which +they conclude, made them the sole cause of their safety and triumph. +They had imposed on me this duty: I had fulfilled it, and unto the end +had served their cause and the country. I begged of them to abandon me, +and in their quarrels to think of nobody but themselves. They took me at +my word, and I concerned myself no more about their affairs, further than +constantly to exhort them to peace, not doubting, should they continue to +be obstinate, of their being crushed by France; this however did not +happen; I know the reason why it did not, but this is not the place to +explain what I mean. + +The effect produced at Neuchatel by the Letters from the Mountain was at +first very mild. I sent a copy of them to M. de Montmollin, who received +it favorably, and read it without making any objection. He was ill as +well as myself; as soon as he recovered he came in a friendly manner to +see me, and conversed on general subjects. A rumor was however begun; +the book was burned I know not where. From Geneva, Berne, and perhaps +from Versailles, the effervescence quickly passed to Neuchatel, and +especially to Val de Travers, where, before even the ministers had taken +any apparent Steps, an attempt was secretly made to stir up the people, +I ought, I dare assert, to have been beloved by the people of that +country in which I have lived, giving alms in abundance, not leaving +about me an indigent person without assistance, never refusing to do any +service in my power, and which was consistent with justice, making myself +perhaps too familiar with everybody, and avoiding, as far as it was +possible for me to do it, all distinction which might excite the least +jealousy. This, however, did not prevent the populace, secretly stirred +up against me, by I know not whom, from being by degrees irritated +against me, even to fury, nor from publicly insulting me, not only in the +country and upon the road, but in the street. Those to whom I had +rendered the greatest services became most irritated against me, and even +people who still continued to receive my benefactions, not daring to +appear, excited others, and seemed to wish thus to be revenged of me for +their humiliation, by the obligations they were under for the favors I +had conferred upon them. Montmollin seemed to pay no attention to what +was passing, and did not yet come forward. But as the time of communion +approached, he came to advise me not to present myself at the holy table, +assuring me, however, he was not my enemy, and that he would leave me +undisturbed. I found this compliment whimsical enough; it brought to my +recollection the letter from Madam de Boufflers, and I could not conceive +to whom it could be a matter of such importance whether I communicated or +not. Considering this condescension on my part as an act of cowardice, +and moreover, being unwilling to give to the people a new pretext under +which they might charge me with impiety, I refused the request of the +minister, and he went away dissatisfied, giving me to understand I should +repent of my obstinacy. + +He could not of his own authority forbid me the communion: that of the +Consistory, by which I had been admitted to it, was necessary, and as +long as there was no objection from that body I might present myself +without the fear of being refused. Montmollin procured from the Classe +(the ministers) a commission to summon me to the Consistory, there to +give an account of the articles of my faith, and to excommunicate me +should I refuse to comply. This excommunication could not be pronounced +without the aid of the Consistory also, and a majority of the voices. +But the peasants, who under the appellation of elders, composed this +assembly, presided over and governed by their minister, might naturally +be expected to adopt his opinion, especially in matters of the clergy, +which they still less understood than he did. I was therefore summoned, +and I resolved to appear. + +What a happy circumstance and triumph would this have been to me could I +have spoken, and had I, if I may so speak, had my pen in my mouth! With +what superiority, with what facility even, should I have overthrown this +poor minister in the midst of his six peasants! The thirst after power +having made the Protestant clergy forget all the principles of the +reformation, all I had to do to recall these to their recollection and to +reduce them to silence, was to make comments upon my first 'Letters from +the Mountain', upon which they had the folly to animadvert. + +My text was ready, and I had only to enlarge on it, and my adversary was +confounded. I should not have been weak enough to remain on the +defensive; it was easy to me to become an assailant without his even +perceiving it, or being able to shelter himself from my attack. The +contemptible priests of the Classe, equally careless and ignorant, had of +themselves placed me in the most favorable situation I could desire to +crush them at pleasure. But what of this? It was necessary I should +speak without hesitation, and find ideas, turn of expression, and words +at will, preserving a presence of mind, and keeping myself collected, +without once suffering even a momentary confusion. For what could I +hope, feeling as I did, my want of aptitude to express myself with ease? +I had been reduced to the most mortifying silence at Geneva, before an +assembly which was favorable to me, and previously resolved to approve of +everything I should say. Here, on the contrary, I had to do with a +cavalier who, substituting cunning to knowledge, would spread for me a +hundred snares before I could perceive one of them, and was resolutely +determined to catch me in an error let the consequence be what it would. +The more I examined the situation in which I stood, the greater danger I +perceived myself exposed to, and feeling the impossibility of +successfully withdrawing from it, I thought of another expedient. +I meditated a discourse which I intended to pronounce before the +Consistory, to exempt myself from the necessity of answering. The thing +was easy. I wrote the discourse and began to learn it by memory, with an +inconceivable ardor. Theresa laughed at hearing me mutter and +incessantly repeat the same phrases, while endeavoring to cram them into +my head. I hoped, at length, to remember what I had written: I knew the +chatelain as an officer attached to the service of the prince, would be +present at the Consistory, and that notwithstanding the manoeuvres and +bottles of Montmollin, most of the elders were well disposed towards me. +I had, moreover, in my favor, reason, truth, and justice, with the +protection of the king, the authority of the council of state, and the +good wishes of every real patriot, to whom the establishment of this +inquisition was threatening. In fine, everything contributed to +encourage me. + +On the eve of the day appointed, I had my discourse by rote, and recited +it without missing a word. I had it in my head all night: in the morning +I had forgotten it. I hesitated at every word, thought myself before the +assembly, became confused, stammered, and lost my presence of mind. In +fine, when the time to make my appearance was almost at hand, my courage +totally failed me. I remained at home and wrote to the Consistory, +hastily stating my reasons, and pleaded my disorder, which really, in the +state to which apprehension had reduced me, would scarcely have permitted +me to stay out the whole sitting. + +The minister, embarrassed by my letter, adjourned the Consistory. In the +interval, he of himself, and by his creatures, made a thousand efforts to +seduce the elders, who, following the dictates of their consciences, +rather than those they received from him, did not vote according to his +wishes, or those of the class. Whatever power his arguments drawn from +his cellar might have over this kind of people, he could not gain one of +them, more than the two or three who were already devoted to his will, +and who were called his 'ames damnees'.--[damned souls]-- The officer of +the prince, and the Colonel Pury, who, in this affair, acted with great +zeal, kept the rest to their duty, and when Montmollin wished to proceed +to excommunication, his Consistory, by a majority of voices, flatly +refused to authorize him to do it. Thus reduced to the last expedient, +that of stirring up the people against me, he, his colleagues, and other +persons, set about it openly, and were so successful, that not- +withstanding the strong and frequent rescripts of the king, and the +orders of the council of state, I was at length obliged to quit the +country, that I might not expose the officer of the king to be himself +assassinated while he protected me. + +The recollection of the whole of this affair is so confused, that it is +impossible for me to reduce to or connect the circumstances of it. +I remember a kind of negotiation had been entered into with the class, +in which Montmollin was the mediator. He feigned to believe it was +feared I should, by my writings, disturb the peace of the country, in +which case, the liberty I had of writing would be blamed. He had given +me to understand that if I consented to lay down my pen, what was past +would be forgotten. I had already entered into this engagement with +myself, and did not hesitate in doing it with the class, but +conditionally and solely in matters of religion. He found means to have +a duplicate of the agreement upon some change necessary to be made in it. +The condition having been rejected by the class; I demanded back the +writing, which was returned to me, but he kept the duplicate, pretending +it was lost. After this, the people, openly excited by the ministers, +laughed at the rescripts of the king, and the orders of the council of +state, and shook off all restraint. I was declaimed against from the +pulpit, called antichrist, and pursued in the country like a mad wolf. +My Armenian dress discovered me to the populace; of this I felt the cruel +inconvenience, but to quit it in such circumstances, appeared to me an +act of cowardice. I could not prevail upon myself to do it, and I +quietly walked through the country with my caffetan and fur bonnet in the +midst of the hootings of the dregs of the people, and sometimes through a +shower of stones. Several times as I passed before houses, I heard those +by whom they were inhabited call out: "Bring me my gun that I may fire at +him." As I did not on this account hasten my pace, my calmness increased +their fury, but they never went further than threats, at least with +respect to firearms. + +During the fermentation I received from two circumstances the most +sensible pleasure. The first was my having it in my power to prove my +gratitude by means of the lord marshal. The honest part of the +inhabitants of Neuchatel, full of indignation at the treatment I +received, and the manoeuvres of which I was the victim, held the +ministers in execration, clearly perceiving they were obedient to a +foreign impulse, and the vile agents of people, who, in making them act, +kept themselves concealed; they were moreover afraid my case would have +dangerous consequences, and be made a precedent for the purpose of +establishing a real inquisition. + +The magistrates, and especially M. Meuron, who had succeeded +M. d' Ivernois in the office of attorney-general, made every effort to +defend me. Colonel Pury, although a private individual, did more and +succeeded better. It was the colonel who found means to make Montmollin +submit in his Consistory, by keeping the elders to their duty. He had +credit, and employed it to stop the sedition; but he had nothing more +than the authority of the laws, and the aid of justice and reason, to +oppose to that of money and wine: the combat was unequal, and in this +point Montmollin was triumphant. However, thankful for his zeal and +cares, I wished to have it in my power to make him a return of good +offices, and in some measure discharge a part of the obligations I was +under to him. I knew he was very desirous of being named a counsellor of +state; but having displeased the court by his conduct in the affair of +the minister Petitpierre, he was in disgrace with the prince and +governor. I however undertook, at all risks, to write to the lord +marshal in his favor: I went so far as even to mention the employment of +which he was desirous, and my application was so well received that, +contrary to the expectations of his most ardent well wishers, it was +almost instantly conferred upon him by the king. In this manner fate, +which has constantly raised me to too great an elevation, or plunged me +into an abyss of adversity, continued to toss me from one extreme to +another, and whilst the populace covered me with mud I was able to make a +counsellor of state. + +The other pleasing circumstance was a visit I received from Madam de +Verdelin with her daughter, with whom she had been at the baths of +Bourbonne, whence they came to Motiers and stayed with me two or three +days. By her attention and cares, she at length conquered my long +repugnancy; and my heart, won by her endearing manner, made her a return +of all the friendship of which she had long given me proofs. This +journey made me extremely sensible of her kindness: my situation rendered +the consolations of friendship highly necessary to support me under my +sufferings. I was afraid she would be too much affected by the insults +I received from the populace, and could have wished to conceal them from +her that her feelings might not be hurt, but this was impossible; and +although her presence was some check upon the insolent populace in our +walks, she saw enough of their brutality to enable her to judge of what +passed when I was alone. During the short residence she made at Motiers, +I was still attacked in my habitation. One morning her chambermaid found +my window blocked up with stones, which had been thrown at it during the +night. A very heavy bench placed in the street by the side of the house, +and strongly fastened down, was taken up and reared against the door in +such a manner as, had it not been perceived from the window, to have +knocked down the first person who should have opened the door to go out. +Madam de Verdelin was acquainted with everything that passed; for, +besides what she herself was witness to, her confidential servant went +into many houses in the village, spoke to everybody, and was seen in +conversation with Montmollin. She did not, however, seem to pay the +least attention to that which happened to me, nor never mentioned +Montmollin nor any other person, and answered in a few words to what I +said to her of him. Persuaded that a residence in England would be more +agreeable to me than any other, she frequently spoke of Mr. Hume who was +then at Paris, of his friendship for me, and the desire he had of being +of service to me in his own country. It is time I should say something +of Hume. + +He had acquired a great reputation in France amongst the Encyclopedists +by his essays on commerce and politics, and in the last place by his +history of the House of Stuart, the only one of his writings of which I +had read a part, in the translation of the Abbe Prevot. For want of +being acquainted with his other works, I was persuaded, according to what +I heard of him, that Mr. Hume joined a very republican mind to the +English Paradoxes in favor of luxury. In this opinion I considered his +whole apology of Charles I. as a prodigy of impartiality, and I had as +great an idea of his virtue as of his genius. The desire of being +acquainted with this great man, and of obtaining his friendship, had +greatly strengthened the inclination I felt to go to England, induced by +the solicitations of Madam de Boufflers, the intimate friend of Hume. +After my arrival in Switzerland, I received from him, by means of this +lady, a letter extremely flattering; in which, to the highest encomiums +on my genius, he subjoined a pressing invitation to induce me to go to +England, and the offer of all his interest, and that of his friends, to +make my residence there agreeable. I found in the country to which I had +retired, the lord marshal, the countryman and friend of Hume, who +confirmed my good opinion of him, and from whom I learned a literary +anecdote, which did him great honor in the opinion of his lordship and +had the same effect in mine. Wallace, who had written against Hume upon +the subject of the population of the ancients, was absent whilst his work +was in the press. Hume took upon himself to examine the proofs, and to +do the needful to the edition. This manner of acting was according to my +way of thinking. I had sold at six sous (three pence) a piece, the +copies of a song written against myself. I was, therefore, strongly +prejudiced in favor of Hume, when Madam de Verdelin came and mentioned +the lively friendship he expressed for me, and his anxiety to do me the +honors of England; such was her expression. She pressed me a good deal +to take advantage of this zeal and to write to him. As I had not +naturally an inclination to England, and did not intend to go there until +the last extremity, I refused to write or make any promise; but I left +her at liberty to do whatever she should think necessary to keep Mr. Hume +favorably disposed towards me. When she went from Motiers, she left me +in the persuasion, by everything she had said to me of that illustrious +man, that he was my friend, and she herself still more his. + +After her departure, Montmollin carried on his manoeuvres with more +vigor, and the populace threw off all restraint. Yet I still continued +to walk quietly amidst the hootings of the vulgar; and a taste for +botany, which I had begun to contract with Doctor d'Ivernois, making my +rambling more amusing, I went through the country herbalising, without +being affected by the clamors of this scum of the earth, whose fury was +still augmented by my calmness. What affected me most was, seeing +families of my friends, + + [This fatality had begun with my residence at, Yverdon; the banneret + Roguin dying a year or two after my departure from that city, the + old papa Roguin had the candor to inform me with grief, as he said, + that in he papers of his relation, proofs had been found of his + having been concerned in the conspiracy to expel me from Yverdon and + the state of Berne. This clearly proved the conspiracy not to be, + as some people pretended to believe, an affair of hypocrisy since + the banneret, far from being a devotee, carried materialism and + incredulity to intolerance and fanaticism. Besides, nobody at + Yverdon had shown me more constant attention, nor had so prodigally + bestowed upon me praises and flattery as this banneret. He + faithfully followed the favorite plan of my persecutors.] + +or of persons who gave themselves that name, openly join the league of my +persecutors; such as the D'Ivernois, without excepting the father and +brother of my Isabel le Boy de la Tour, a relation to the friend in whose +house I lodged, and Madam Girardier, her sister-in-law. This Peter Boy +was such a brute; so stupid, and behaved so uncouthly, that, to prevent +my mind from being disturbed, I took the liberty to ridicule him; and +after the manner of the 'Petit Prophete', I wrote a pamphlet of a few +pages, entitled, 'la Vision de Pierre de la Montagne dit le Voyant, +--[The vision of Peter of the Mountain called the Seer.]--in which I +found means to be diverting enough on the miracles which then served as +the great pretext for my persecution. Du Peyrou had this scrap printed +at Geneva, but its success in the country was but moderate; the +Neuchatelois with all their wit, taste but weakly attic salt or +pleasantry when these are a little refined. + +In the midst of decrees and persecutions, the Genevese had distinguished +themselves by setting up a hue and cry with all their might; and my +friend Vernes amongst others, with an heroical generosity, chose that +moment precisely to publish against me letters in which he pretended to +prove I was not a Christian. These letters, written with an air of self- +sufficiency were not the better for it, although it was positively said +the celebrated Bonnet had given them some correction: for this man, +although a materialist, has an intolerant orthodoxy the moment I am in +question. There certainly was nothing in this work which could tempt me +to answer it; but having an opportunity of saying a few words upon it in +my 'Letters from the Mountain', I inserted in them a short note +sufficiently expressive of disdain to render Vernes furious. He filled +Geneva with his furious exclamations, and D'Ivernois wrote me word he had +quite lost his senses. Sometime afterwards appeared an anonymous sheet, +which instead of ink seemed to be written with water of Phelethon. In +this letter I was accused of having exposed my children in the streets, +of taking about with me a soldier's trull, of being worn out with +debaucheries,....., and other fine things of a like nature. It was not +difficult for me to discover the author. My first idea on reading this +libel, was to reduce to its real value everything the world calls fame +and reputation amongst men; seeing thus a man who was never in a brothel +in his life, and whose greatest defect was in being as timid and shy as a +virgin, treated as a frequenter of places of that description; and in +finding myself charged with being......, I, who not only never had the +least taint of such disorder, but, according to the faculty, was so +constructed as to make it almost impossible for me to contract it. +Everything well considered, I thought I could not better refute this +libel than by having it printed in the city in which I longest resided, +and with this intention I sent it to Duchesne to print it as it was with +an advertisement in which I named M. Vernes and a few short notes by way +of eclaircissement. Not satisfied with printing it only, I sent copies +to several persons, and amongst others one copy to the Prince Louis of +Wirtemberg, who had made me polite advances and with whom I was in +correspondence. The prince, Du Peyrou, and others, seemed to have their +doubts about the author of the libel, and blamed me for having named +Vernes upon so slight a foundation. Their remarks produced in me some +scruples, and I wrote to Duchesne to suppress the paper. Guy wrote to me +he had suppressed it: this may or may not be the case; I have been +deceived on so many occasions that there would be nothing extraordinary +in my being so on this, and from the time of which I speak, was so +enveloped in profound darkness that it was impossible for me to come at +any kind of truth. + +M. Vernes bore the imputation with a moderation more than astonishing in +a man who was supposed not to have deserved it, and after the fury with +which he was seized on former occasions. He wrote me two or three +letters in very guarded terms, with a view, as it appeared to me, +to endeavor by my answers to discover how far I was certain of his being +the author of the paper, and whether or not I had any proofs against him. +I wrote him two short answers, severe in the sense, but politely +expressed, and with which he was not displeased. To his third letter, +perceiving he wished to form with me a kind of correspondence, I returned +no answer, and he got D'Ivernois to speak to me. Madam Cramer wrote to +Du Peyrou, telling him she was certain the libel was not by Vernes. This +however, did not make me change my opinion. But as it was possible I +might be deceived, and as it is certain that if I were, I owed Vernes an +explicit reparation, I sent him word by D'Ivernois that I would make him +such a one as he should think proper, provided he would name to me the +real author of the libel, or at least prove that he himself was not so. +I went further: feeling that, after all, were he not culpable, I had no +right to call upon him for proofs of any kind, I stated in a memoir of +considerable length, the reasons whence I had inferred my conclusion, and +determined to submit them to the judgment of an arbitrator, against whom +Vernes could not except. But few people would guess the arbitrator of +whom I made choice. I declared at the end of the memoir, that if, after +having examined it, and made such inquiries as should seem necessary, the +council pronounced M. Vernes not to be the author of the libel, from that +moment I should be fully persuaded he was not, and would immediately go +and throw myself at his feet, and ask his pardon until I had obtained it. +I can say with the greatest truth that my ardent zeal for equity, the +uprightness and generosity of my heart, and my confidence in the love of +justice innate in every mind never appeared more fully and perceptible +than in this wise and interesting memoir, in which I took, without +hesitation, my most implacable enemies for arbitrators between a +calumniator and myself. I read to Du Peyrou what I had written: he +advised me to suppress it, and I did so. He wished me to wait for the +proofs Vernes promised, and I am still waiting for them: he thought it +best that I should in the meantime be silent, and I held my tongue, and +shall do so the rest of my life, censured as I am for having brought +against Vernes a heavy imputation, false and unsupportable by proof, +although I am still fully persuaded, nay, as convinced as I am of my +existence, that he is the author of the libel. My memoir is in the hands +of Du Peyrou. Should it ever be published my reasons will be found in +it, and the heart of Jean Jacques, with which my contemporaries would not +be acquainted, will I hope be known. + +I have now to proceed to my catastrophe at Motiers, and to my departure +from Val de Travers, after a residence of two years and a half, and an +eight months suffering with unshaken constancy of the most unworthy +treatment. It is impossible for me clearly to recollect the +circumstances of this disagreeable period, but a detail of them will be +found in a publication to that effect by Du Peyrou, of which I shall +hereafter have occasion to speak. + +After the departure of Madam de Verdelin the fermentation increased, and, +notwithstanding the reiterated rescripts of the king, the frequent orders +of the council of state, and the cares of the chatelain and magistrates +of the place, the people, seriously considering me as antichrist, and +perceiving all their clamors to be of no effect, seemed at length +determined to proceed to violence; stones were already thrown after me +in the roads, but I was however in general at too great a distance to +receive any harm from them. At last, in the night of the fair of +Motiers, which is in the beginning of September, I was attacked in my +habitation in such a manner as to endanger the lives of everybody in the +house. + +At midnight I heard a great noise in the gallery which ran along the back +part of the house. A shower of stones thrown against the window and the +door which opened to the gallery fell into it with so much noise and +violence, that my dog, which usually slept there, and had begun to bark, +ceased from fright, and ran into a corner gnawing and scratching the +planks to endeavor to make his escape. I immediately rose, and was +preparing to go from my chamber into the kitchen, when a stone thrown by +a vigorous arm crossed the latter, after having broken the window, forced +open the door of my chamber, and fell at my feet, so that had I been a +moment sooner upon the floor I should have had the stone against my +stomach. I judged the noise had been made to bring me to the door, and +the stone thrown to receive me as I went out. I ran into the kitchen, +where I found Theresa, who also had risen, and was tremblingly making her +way to me as fast as she could. We placed ourselves against the wall out +of the direction of the window to avoid the stones, and deliberate upon +what was best to be done; for going out to call assistance was the +certain means of getting ourselves knocked on the head. Fortunately the +maid-servant of an old man who lodged under me was waked by the noise, +and got up and ran to call the chatelain, whose house was next to mine. +He jumped from his bed, put on his robe de chambre, and instantly came to +me with the guard, which, on account of the fair, went the round that +night, and was just at hand. The chatelain was so alarmed at the sight +of the effects of what had happened that he turned pale and on seeing the +stones in the gallery, exclaimed, "Good God! here is a quarry!" On +examining below stairs, a door of a little court was found to have been +forced, and there was an appearance of an attempt having been made to get +into the house by the gallery. On inquiring the reason why the guard had +neither prevented nor perceived the disturbance, it came out that the +guards of Motiers had insisted upon doing duty that night, although it +was the turn of those of another village. + +The next day the chatelain sent his report to the council of state, which +two days afterwards sent an order to inquire into the affair, to promise +a reward and secrecy to those who should impeach such as were guilty, and +in the meantime to place, at the expense of the king, guards about my +house, and that of the chatelain, which joined to it. The day after the +disturbance, Colonel Pury, the Attorney-General Meuron, the Chatelain +Martinet, the Receiver Guyenet, the Treasurer d'Ivernois and his father, +in a word, every person of consequence in the country, came to see me, +and united their solicitations to persuade me to yield to the storm and +leave, at least for a time, a place in which I could no longer live in +safety nor with honor. I perceived that even the chatelain was +frightened at the fury of the people, and apprehending it might extend to +himself, would be glad to see me depart as soon as possible, that he +might no longer have the trouble of protecting me there, and be able to +quit the parish, which he did after my departure. I therefore yielded to +their solicitations, and this with but little pain, for the hatred of the +people so afflicted my heart that I was no longer able to support it. + +I had a choice of places to retire to. After Madam de Verdelin returned +to Paris, she had, in several letters, mentioned a Mr. Walpole, whom she +called my lord, who, having a strong desire to serve me, proposed to me +an asylum at one of his country houses, of the situation of which she +gave me the most agreeable description; entering, relative to lodging and +subsistence, into a detail which proved she and Lord Walpole had held +particular consultations upon the project. My lord marshal had always +advised me to go to England or Scotland, and in case of my determining +upon the latter, offered me there an asylum. But he offered me another +at Potsdam, near to his person, and which tempted me more than all the +rest. + +He had just communicated to me what the king had said to him about my +going there, which was a kind of invitation to me from that monarch, and +the Duchess of Saxe-Gotha depended so much upon my taking the journey +that she wrote to me desiring I should go to see her in my way to the +court of Prussia, and stay some time before I proceeded farther; but I +was so attached to Switzerland that I could not resolve to quit it so +long as it was possible for me to live there, and I seized this +opportunity to execute a project of which I had for several months +conceived the idea, and of which I have deferred speaking, that I might +not interrupt my narrative. + +This project consisted in going to reside in the island of St. Peter, +an estate belonging to the Hospital of Berne, in the middle of the lake +of Bienne. In a pedestrian pilgrimage I had made the preceding year with +Du Peyrou we had visited this isle, with which I was so much delighted +that I had since that time incessantly thought of the means of making it +my place of residence. The greatest obstacle to my wishes arose from the +property of the island being vested in the people of Berne, who three +years before had driven me from amongst them; and besides the +mortification of returning to live with people who had given me so +unfavorable a reception, I had reason to fear they would leave me no more +at peace in the island than they had done at Yverdon. I had consulted +the lord marshal upon the subject, who thinking as I did, that the people +of Berne would be glad to see me banished to the island, and to keep me +there as a hostage for the works I might be tempted to write, and sounded +their dispositions by means of M. Sturler, his old neighbor at Colombier. +M. Sturler addressed himself to the chiefs of the state, and, according +to their answer assured the marshal the Bernois, sorry for their past +behavior, wished to see me settled in the island of St. Peter, and to +leave me there at peace. As an additional precaution, before I +determined to reside there, I desired the Colonel Chaillet to make new +inquiries. He confirmed what I had already heard, and the receiver of +the island having obtained from his superiors permission to lodge me in +it, I thought I might without danger go to the house, with the tactic +consent of the sovereign and the proprietors; for I could not expect the +people of Berne would openly acknowledge the injustice they had done me, +and thus act contrary to the most inviolable maxim of all sovereigns. + +The island of St. Peter, called at Neuchatel the island of La Motte, in +the middle of the lake of Bienne, is half a league in, circumference; but +in this little space all the chief productions necessary to subsistence +are found. The island has fields, meadows, orchards, woods, and +vineyards, and all these, favored by variegated and mountainous +situations, form a distribution of the more agreeable, as the parts, not +being discovered all at once, are seen successively to advantage, and +make the island appear greater than it really is. A very elevated +terrace forms the western part of it, and commands Gleresse and +Neuverville. This terrace is planted with trees which form a long alley, +interrupted in the middle by a great saloon, in which, during the +vintage, the people from the neighboring shores assemble and divert +themselves. There is but one house in the whole island, but that is very +spacious and convenient, inhabited by the receiver, and situated in a +hollow by which it is sheltered from the winds. + +Five or six hundred paces to the south of the island of St. Peter is +another island, considerably less than the former, wild and uncultivated, +which appears to have been detached from the greater island by storms: +its gravelly soil produces nothing but willows and persicaria, but there +is in it a high hill well covered with greensward and very pleasant. The +form of the lake is an almost regular oval. The banks, less rich than +those of the lake of Geneva and Neuchatel, form a beautiful decoration, +especially towards the western part, which is well peopled, and edged +with vineyards at the foot, of a chain of mountains, something like those +of Cote-Rotie, but which produce not such excellent wine. The bailiwick +of St. John, Neuveville, Berne, and Bienne, lie in a line from the south +to the north, to the extremity of the lake, the whole interspersed with +very agreeable villages. + +Such was the asylum I had prepared for myself, and to which I was +determined to retire alter quitting Val de Travers. + + [It may perhaps be necessary to remark that I left there an enemy in + M. du Teneaux, mayor of Verrieres, not much esteemed in the country, + but who has a brother, said to be an honest man, in the office of M. + de St. Florentin. The mayor had been to see him sometime before my + adventure. Little remarks of this kind, though of no consequence, + in themselves, may lead to the discovery of many underhand + dealings.] + +This choice was so agreeable to my peaceful inclinations, and my solitary +and indolent disposition, that I consider it as one of the pleasing +reveries of which I became the most passionately fond. I thought I +should in that island be more separated from men, more sheltered from +their outrages, and sooner forgotten by mankind: in a word, more +abandoned to the delightful pleasures of the inaction of a contemplative +life. I could have wished to have been confined in it in such a manner +as to have had no intercourse with mortals, and I certainly took every +measure I could imagine to relieve me from the necessity of troubling my +head about them. + +The great question was that of subsistence, and by the dearness of +provisions, and the difficulty of carriage, this is expensive in the +island; the inhabitants are besides at the mercy of the receiver. This +difficulty was removed by an arrangement which Du Peyrou made with me in +becoming a substitute to the company which had undertaken and abandoned +my general edition. I gave him all the materials necessary, and made the +proper arrangement and distribution. To the engagement between us I +added that of giving him the memoirs of my life, and made him the general +depositary of all my papers, under the express condition of making no use +of them until after my death, having it at heart quietly to end my days +without doing anything which should again bring me back to the +recollection of the public. The life annuity he undertook to pay me was +sufficient to my subsistence. My lord marshal having recovered all his +property, had offered me twelve hundred livres (fifty pounds) a year, +half of which I accepted. He wished to send me the principal, and this I +refused on account of the difficulty of placing it. He then sent the +amount to Du Peyrou, in whose hands it remained, and who pays me the +annuity according to the terms agreed upon with his lordship. Adding +therefore to the result of my agreement with Du Peyrou, the annuity of +the marshal, two-thirds of which were reversible to Theresa after my +death, and the annuity of three hundred livres from Duchesne, I was +assured of a genteel subsistence for myself, and after me for Theresa, to +whom I left seven hundred livres (twenty-nine pounds) a year, from the +annuities paid me by Rey and the lord marshal; I had therefore no longer +to fear a want of bread. But it was ordained that honor should oblige me +to reject all these resources which fortune and my labors placed within +my reach, and that I should die as poor as I had lived. It will be seen +whether or not, without reducing myself to the last degree of infamy, I +could abide by the engagements which care has always taken to render +ignominious, by depriving me of every other resource to force me to +consent to my own dishonor. How was it possible anybody could doubt of +the choice I should make in such an alternative? Others have judged of +my heart by their own. + +My mind at ease relative to subsistence was without care upon every other +subject. Although I left in the world the field open to my enemies, +there remained in the noble enthusiasm by which my writings were +dictated, and in the constant uniformity of my principles, an evidence of +the uprightness of my heart which answered to that deducible from my +conduct in favor of my natural disposition. I had no need of any other +defense against my calumniators. They might under my name describe +another man, but it was impossible they should deceive such as were +unwilling to be imposed upon. I could have given them my whole life to +animadvert upon, with a certainty, notwithstanding all my faults and +weaknesses, and my want of aptitude to, support the lightest yoke, of +their finding me in every situation a just and good man, without +bitterness, hatred, or jealousy, ready to acknowledge my errors, and +still more prompt to forget the injuries I received from others; seeking +all my happiness in love, friendship, and affection and in everything +carrying my sincerity even to imprudence and the most incredible +disinterestedness. + +I therefore in some measure took leave of the age in which I lived and my +contemporaries, and bade adieu to the world, with an intention to confine +myself for the rest of my days to that island; such was my resolution, +and it was there I hoped to execute the great project of the indolent +life to which I had until then consecrated the little activity with which +Heaven had endowed me. The island was to become to me that of Papimanie, +that happy country where the inhabitants sleep: + + Ou l'on fait plus, ou l'on fait nulle chose. + + [Where they do more: where they do nothing.] + +This more was everything for me, for I never much regretted sleep; +indolence is sufficient to my happiness, and provided I do nothing, I had +rather dream waking than asleep. Being past the age of romantic +projects, and having been more stunned than flattered by the trumpet of +fame, my only hope was that of living at ease, and constantly at leisure. +This is the life of the blessed in the world to come, and for the rest of +mine here below I made it my supreme happiness. + +They who reproach me with so many contradictions, will not fail here to +add another to the number. I have observed the indolence of great +companies made them unsupportable to me, and I am now seeking solitude +for the sole purpose of abandoning myself to inaction. This however is +my disposition; if there be in it a contradiction, it proceeds from +nature and not from me; but there is so little that it is precisely on +that account that I am always consistent. The indolence of company is +burdensome because it is forced. That of solitude is charming because it +is free, and depends upon the will. In company I suffer cruelly by +inaction, because this is of necessity. I must there remain nailed to my +chair, or stand upright like a picket, without stirring hand or foot, not +daring to run, jump, sing, exclaim, nor gesticulate when I please, not +allowed even to dream, suffering at the same time the fatigue of inaction +and all the torment of constraint; obliged to pay attention to every +foolish thing uttered, and to all the idle compliments paid, and +constantly to keep my mind upon the rack that I may not fail to introduce +in my turn my jest or my lie. And this is called idleness! It is the +labor of a galley slave. + +The indolence I love is not that of a lazy fellow who sits with his arms +across in total inaction, and thinks no more than he acts, but that of a +child which is incessantly in motion doing nothing, and that of a dotard +who wanders from his subject. I love to amuse myself with trifles, by +beginning a hundred things and never finishing one of them, by going or +coming as I take either into my head, by changing my project at every +instant, by following a fly through all its windings, in wishing to +overturn a rock to see what is under it, by undertaking with ardor the +work of ten years, and abandoning it without regret at the end of ten +minutes; finally, in musing from morning until night without order or +coherence, and in following in everything the caprice of a moment. + +Botany, such as I have always considered it, and of which after my own +manner I began to become passionately fond, was precisely an idle study, +proper to fill up the void of my leisure, without leaving room for the +delirium of imagination or the weariness of total inaction. Carelessly +wandering in the woods and the country, mechanically gathering here a +flower and there a branch; eating my morsel almost by chance, observing a +thousand and a thousand times the same things, and always with the same +interest, because I always forgot them, were to me the means of passing +an eternity without a weary moment. However elegant, admirable, and +variegated the structure of plants may be, it does not strike an ignorant +eye sufficiently to fix the attention. The constant analogy, with, at +the same time, the prodigious variety which reigns in their conformation, +gives pleasure to those only who have already some idea of the vegetable +system. Others at the sight of these treasures of nature feel nothing +more than a stupid and monotonous admiration. They see nothing in detail +because they know not for what to look, nor do they perceive the whole, +having no idea of the chain of connection and combinations which +overwhelms with its wonders the mind of the observer. I was arrived at +that happy point of knowledge, and my want of memory was such as +constantly to keep me there, that I knew little enough to make the whole +new to me, and yet everything that was necessary to make me sensible to +the beauties of all the parts. The different soils into which the +island, although little, was divided, offered a sufficient variety of +plants, for the study and amusement of my whole life. I was determined +not to leave a blade of grass without analyzing it, and I began already +to take measures for making, with an immense collection of observations, +the 'Flora Petrinsularis'. + +I sent for Theresa, who brought with her my books and effects. We +boarded with the receiver of the island. His wife had sisters at Nidau, +who by turns came to see her, and were company for Theresa. I here made +the experiment of the agreeable life which I could have wished to +continue to the end of my days, and the pleasure I found in it only +served to make me feel to a greater degree the bitterness of that by +which it was shortly to be succeeded. + +I have ever been passionately fond of water, and the sight of it throws +me into a delightful reverie, although frequently without a determinate +object. + +Immediately after I rose from my bed I never failed, if the weather was +fine, to run to the terrace to respire the fresh and salubrious air of +the morning, and glide my eye over the horizon of the lake, bounded by +banks and mountains, delightful to the view. I know no homage more +worthy of the divinity than the silent admiration excited by the +contemplation of his works, and which is not externally expressed. +I can easily comprehend the reason why the inhabitants of great cities, +who see nothing but walls, and streets, have but little faith; but not +whence it happens that people in the country, and especially such as live +in solitude, can possibly be without it. How comes it to pass that these +do not a hundred times a day elevate their minds in ecstasy to the Author +of the wonders which strike their senses. For my part, it is especially +at rising, wearied by a want of sleep, that long habit inclines me to +this elevation which imposes not the fatigue of thinking. But to this +effect my eyes must be struck with the ravishing beauties of nature. In +my chamber I pray less frequently, and not so fervently; but at the view +of a fine landscape I feel myself moved, but by what I am unable to tell. +I have somewhere read of a wise bishop who in a visit to his diocese +found an old woman whose only prayer consisted in the single interjection +"Oh!"--"Good mother," said he to her, "continue to pray in this manner; +your prayer is better than ours." This better prayer is mine also. + +After breakfast, I hastened, with a frown on my brow, to write a few +pitiful letters, longing ardently for the moment after which I should +have no more to write. I busied myself for a few minutes about my books +and papers, to unpack and arrange them, rather than to read what they +contained; and this arrangement, which to me became the work of Penelope, +gave me the pleasure of musing for a while. I then grew weary, and +quitted my books to spend the three or four hours which remained to me of +the morning in the study of botany, and especially of the system of +Linnaeus, of which I became so passionately fond, that, after having felt +how useless my attachment to it was, I yet could not entirely shake it +off. This great observer is, in my opinion, the only one who, with +Ludwig, has hitherto considered botany as a naturalist, and a +philosopher; but he has too much studied it in herbals and gardens, and +not sufficiently in nature herself. For my part, whose garden was always +the whole island, the moment I wanted to make or verify an observation, +I ran into the woods or meadows with my book under my arm, and there laid +myself upon the ground near the plant in question, to examine it at my +ease as it stood. This method was of great service to me in gaining a +knowledge of vegetables in their natural state, before they had been +cultivated and changed in their nature by the hands of men. Fagon, first +physician to Louis XIV., and who named and perfectly knew all the plants +in the royal garden, is said to have been so ignorant in the country as +not to know how to distinguish the same plants. I am precisely the +contrary. I know something of the work of nature, but nothing of that of +the gardener. + +I gave every afternoon totally up to my indolent and careless +disposition, and to following without regularity the impulse of the +moment. When the weather was calm, I frequently went immediately after +I rose from dinner, and alone got into the boat. The receiver had taught +me to row with one oar; I rowed out into the middle of the lake. The +moment I withdrew from the bank, I felt a secret joy which almost made me +leap, and of which it is impossible for me to tell or even comprehend the +cause, if it were not a secret congratulation on my being out of the +reach of the wicked. I afterwards rowed about the lake, sometimes +approaching the opposite bank, but never touching at it. I often let my +boat float at the mercy of the wind and water, abandoning myself to +reveries without object, and which were not the less agreeable for their +stupidity. I sometimes exclaimed, "O nature! O my mother! I am here +under thy guardianship alone; here is no deceitful and cunning mortal to +interfere between thee and me." In this manner I withdrew half a league +from land; I could have wished the lake had been the ocean. However, to +please my poor dog, who was not so fond as I was of such a long stay on +the water, I commonly followed one constant course; this was going to +land at the little island where I walked an hour or two, or laid myself +down on the grass on the summit of the hill, there to satiate myself with +the pleasure of admiring the lake and its environs, to examine and +dissect all the herbs within my reach, and, like another Robinson Crusoe, +built myself an imaginary place of residence in the island. I became +very much attached to this eminence. When I brought Theresa, with the +wife of the receiver and her sisters, to walk there, how proud was I to +be their pilot and guide! We took there rabbits to stock it. This was +another source of pleasure to Jean Jacques. These animals rendered the +island still more interesting to me. I afterwards went to it more +frequently, and with greater pleasure to observe the progress of the new +inhabitants. + +To these amusements I added one which recalled to my recollection the +delightful life I led at the Charmettes, and to which the season +particularly invited me. This was assisting in the rustic labors of +gathering of roots and fruits, of which Theresa and I made it a pleasure +to partake with the wife of the receiver and his family. I remember a +Bernois, one M. Kirkeberguer, coming to see me, found me perched upon a +tree with a sack fastened to my waist, and already so full of apples that +I could not stir from the branch on which I stood. I was not sorry to be +caught in this and similar situations. I hoped the people of Berne, +witnesses to the employment of my leisure, would no longer think of +disturbing my tranquillity but leave me at peace in my solitude. I +should have preferred being confined there by their desire: this would +have rendered the continuation of my repose more certain. + +This is another declaration upon which I am previously certain of the +incredulity of many of my readers, who obstinately continue to judge me +by themselves, although they cannot but have seen, in the course of my +life, a thousand internal affections which bore no resemblance to any of +theirs. But what is still more extraordinary is, that they refuse me +every sentiment, good or indifferent, which they have not, and are +constantly ready to attribute to me such bad ones as cannot enter into +the heart of man: in this case they find it easy to set me in opposition +to nature, and to make of me such a monster as cannot in reality exist. +Nothing absurd appears to them incredible, the moment it has a tendency +to blacken me, and nothing in the least extraordinary seems to them +possible, if it tends to do me honor. + +But, notwithstanding what they may think or say, I will still continue +faithfully to state what J. J. Rousseau was, did, and thought; without +explaining, or justifying, the singularity of his sentiments and ideas, +or endeavoring to discover whether or not others have thought as he did. +I became so delighted with the island of St. Peter, and my residence +there was so agreeable to me that, by concentrating all my desires within +it, I formed the wish that I might stay there to the end of my life. The +visits I had to return in the neighborhood, the journeys I should be +under the necessity of making to Neuchatel, Bienne, Yverdon, and Nidau, +already fatigued my imagination. A day passed out of the island, seemed +to me a loss of so much happiness, and to go beyond the bounds of the +lake was to go out of my element. Past experience had besides rendered +me apprehensive. The very satisfaction that I received from anything +whatever was sufficient to make me fear the loss of it, and the ardent +desire I had to end my days in that island, was inseparable from the +apprehension of being obliged to leave it. I had contracted a habit of +going in the evening to sit upon the sandy shore, especially when the +lake was agitated. I felt a singular pleasure in seeing the waves break +at my feet. I formed of them in my imagination the image of the tumult +of the world contrasted with the peace of my habitation; and this +pleasing idea sometimes softened me even to tears. The repose I enjoyed +with ecstasy was disturbed by nothing but the fear of being deprived of +it, and this inquietude was accompanied with some bitterness. I felt my +situation so precarious as not to dare to depend upon its continuance. +"Ah! how willingly," said I to myself, "would I renounce the liberty of +quitting this place, for which I have no desire, for the assurance of +always remaining in it. Instead of being permitted to stay here by +favor, why am I not detained by force! They who suffer me to remain may +in a moment drive me away, and can I hope my persecutors, seeing me +happy, will leave me here to continue to be so? Permitting me to live in +the island is but a trifling favor. I could wish to be condemned to do +it, and constrained to remain here that I may not be obliged to go +elsewhere." I cast an envious eye upon Micheli du Cret, who, quiet in +the castle of Arbourg, had only to determine to be happy to become so. +In fine, by abandoning myself to these reflections, and the alarming +apprehensions of new storms always ready to break over my head, I wished +for them with an incredible ardor, and that instead of suffering me to +reside in the island, the Bernois would give it me for a perpetual +prison; and I can assert that had it depended upon me to get myself +condemned to this, I would most joyfully have done it, preferring a +thousand times the necessity of passing my life there to the danger of +being driven to another place. + +This fear did not long remain on my mind. When I least expected what was +to happen, I received a letter from the bailiff of Nidau, within whose +jurisdiction the island of St. Peter was; by his letter he announced to +me from their excellencies an order to quit the island and their states. +I thought myself in a dream. Nothing could be less natural, reasonable, +or foreseen than such an order: for I considered my apprehensions as the +result of inquietude in a man whose imagination was disturbed by his +misfortunes, and not to proceed from a foresight which could have the +least foundation. The measures I had taken to insure myself the tacit +consent of the sovereign, the tranquillity with which I had been left to +make my establishment, the visits of several people from Berne, and that +of the bailiff himself, who had shown me such friendship and attention, +and the rigor of the season in which it was barbarous to expel a man who +was sickly and infirm, all these circumstances made me and many people +believe that there was some mistake in the order and that ill-disposed +people had purposely chosen the time of the vintage and the vacation of +the senate suddenly to do me an injury. + +Had I yielded to the first impulse of my indignation, I should +immediately have departed. But to what place was I to go? What was to +become of me at the beginning of the winter, without object, preparation, +guide or carriage? Not to leave my papers and effects at the mercy of +the first comer, time was necessary to make proper arrangements, and it +was not stated in the order whether or not this would be granted me. +The continuance of misfortune began to weigh down my courage. For the +first time in my life I felt my natural haughtiness stoop to the yoke of +necessity, and, notwithstanding the murmurs of my heart, I was obliged to +demean myself by asking for a delay. I applied to M. de Graffenried, who +had sent me the order, for an explanation of it. His letter, conceived +in the strongest terms of disapprobation of the step that had been taken, +assured me it was with the greatest regret he communicated to me the +nature of it, and the expressions of grief and esteem it contained seemed +so many gentle invitations to open to him my heart: I did so. I had no +doubt but my letter would open the eyes of my persecutors, and that if so +cruel an order was not revoked, at least a reasonable delay, perhaps the +whole winter, to make the necessary preparations for my retreat, and to +choose a place of abode, would be granted me. + +Whilst I waited for an answer, I reflected upon my situation, and +deliberated upon the steps I had to take. I perceived so many +difficulties on all sides, the vexation I had suffered had so strongly +affected me, and my health was then in such a bad state, that I was quite +overcome, and the effect of my discouragement was to deprive me of the +little resource which remained in my mind, by which I might, as well as +it was possible to do it, have withdrawn myself from my melancholy +situation. In whatever asylum I should take refuge, it appeared +impossible to avoid either of the two means made use of to expel me. +One of which was to stir up against me the populace by secret manoeuvres; +and the other to drive me away by open force, without giving a reason for +so doing. I could not, therefore, depend upon a safe retreat, unless I +went in search of it farther than my strength and the season seemed +likely to permit. These circumstances again bringing to my recollection +the ideas which had lately occurred to me, I wished my persecutors to +condemn me to perpetual imprisonment rather than oblige me incessantly to +wander upon the earth, by successively expelling me from the asylums of +which I should make choice: and to this effect I made them a proposal. +Two days after my first letter to M. de Graffenried, I wrote him a +second, desiring he would state what I had proposed to their +excellencies. The answer from Berne to both was an order, conceived in +the most formal and severe terms, to go out of the island, and leave +every territory, mediate and immediate of the republic, within the space +of twenty-four hours, and never to enter them again under the most +grievous penalties. + +This was a terrible moment. I have since that time felt greater anguish, +but never have I been more embarrassed. What afflicted me most was being +forced to abandon the project which had made me desirous to pass the +winter in the island. It is now time I should relate the fatal anecdote +which completed my disasters, and involved in my ruin an unfortunate +people, whose rising virtues already promised to equal those of Rome and +Sparta, I had spoken of the Corsicans in the 'Social Contract' as a new +people, the only nation in Europe not too worn out for legislation, +and had expressed the great hope there was of such a people, if it were +fortunate enough to have a wise legislator. My work was read by some of +the Corsicans, who were sensible of the honorable manner in which I had +spoken of them; and the necessity under which they found themselves of +endeavoring to establish their republic, made their chiefs think of +asking me for my ideas upon the subject. M. Buttafuoco, of one of the +first families in the country, and captain in France, in the Royal +Italians, wrote to me to that effect, and sent me several papers for +which I had asked to make myself acquainted with the history of the +nation and the state of the country. M. Paoli, also, wrote to me several +times, and although I felt such an undertaking to be superior to my +abilities; I thought I could not refuse to give my assistance to so great +and noble a work, the moment I should have acquired all the necessary +information. It was to this effect I answered both these gentlemen, and +the correspondence lasted until my departure. + +Precisely at the same time, I heard that France was sending troops to +Corsica, and that she had entered into a treaty with the Genoese. This +treaty and sending of troops gave me uneasiness, and, without imagining +I had any further relation with the business, I thought it impossible and +the attempt ridiculous, to labor at an undertaking which required such +undisturbed tranquillity as the political institution of a people in the +moment when perhaps they were upon the point of being subjugated. I did +not conceal my fears from M. Buttafuoco, who rather relieved me from them +by the assurance that, were there in the treaty things contrary to the +liberty of his country, a good citizen like himself would not remain as +he did in the service of France. In fact, his zeal for the legislation +of the Corsicans, and his connections with M. Paoli, could not leave a +doubt on my mind respecting him; and when I heard he made frequent +journeys to Versailles and Fontainebleau, and had conversations with M. +de Choiseul, all I concluded from the whole was, that with respect to the +real intentions of France he had assurances which he gave me to +understand, but concerning which he did not choose openly to explain +himself by letter. + +This removed a part of my apprehensions. Yet, as I could not comprehend +the meaning of the transportation of troops from France, nor reasonably +suppose they were sent to Corsica to protect the liberty of the +inhabitants, which they of themselves were very well able to defend +against the Genoese, I could neither make myself perfectly easy, nor +seriously undertake the plan of the proposed legislation, until I had +solid proofs that the whole was serious, and that the parties meant not +to trifle with me. I much wished for an interview with M. Buttafuoco, as +that was certainly the best means of coming at the explanation I wished. +Of this he gave me hopes, and I waited for it with the greatest +impatience. I know not whether he really intended me any interview or +not; but had this even been the case, my misfortunes would have prevented +me from profiting by it. + +The more I considered the proposed undertaking, and the further I +advanced in the examination of the papers I had in my hands, the greater +I found the necessity of studying, in the country, the people for whom +institutions were to be made, the soil they inhabited, and all the +relative circumstances by which it was necessary to appropriate to them +that institution. I daily perceived more clearly the impossibility of +acquiring at a distance all the information necessary to guide me. This +I wrote to M. Buttafuoco, and he felt as I did. Although I did not form +the precise resolution of going to Corsica. I considered a good deal of +the means necessary to make that voyage. I mentioned it to M. Dastier, +who having formerly served in the island under M. de Maillebois, was +necessarily acquainted with it. He used every effort to dissuade me from +this intention, and I confess the frightful description he gave me of the +Corsicans and their country, considerably abated the desire I had of +going to live amongst them. + +But when the persecutions of Motiers made me think of quitting +Switzerland, this desire was again strengthened by the hope of at length +finding amongst these islanders the repose refused me in every other +place. One thing only alarmed me, which was my unfitness for the active +life to which I was going to be condemned, and the aversion I had always +had to it. My disposition, proper for meditating at leisure and in +solitude, was not so for speaking and acting, and treating of affairs +with men. Nature, which had endowed me with the first talent, had +refused me the last. Yet I felt that, even without taking a direct and +active part in public affairs, I should as soon as I was in Corsica, +be under the necessity of yielding to the desires of the people, and of +frequently conferring with the chiefs. The object even of the voyage +required that, instead of seeking retirement, I should in the heart of +the country endeavor to gain the information of which I stood in need. +It was certain that I should no longer be master of my own time, and +that, in spite of myself, precipitated into the vortex in which I was not +born to move, I should there lead a life contrary to my inclination, +and never appear but to disadvantage. I foresaw that ill-supporting by +my presence the opinion my books might have given the Corsicans of my +capacity, I should lose my reputation amongst them, and, as much to their +prejudice as my own, be deprived of the confidence they had in me, +without which, however, I could not successfully produce the work they +expected from my pen. I am certain that, by thus going out of my sphere, +I should become useless to the inhabitants, and render myself unhappy. + +Tormented, beaten by storms from every quarter, and, for several years +past, fatigued by journeys and persecution, I strongly felt a want of the +repose of which my barbarous enemies wantonly deprived me: I sighed more +than ever after that delicious indolence, that soft tranquillity of body +and mind, which I had so much desired, and to which, now that I had +recovered from the chimeras of love and friendship, my heart limited its +supreme felicity. I viewed with terror the work I was about to +undertake; the tumultuous life into which I was to enter made me tremble, +and if the grandeur, beauty, and utility of the object animated my +courage, the impossibility of conquering so many difficulties entirely +deprived me of it. + +Twenty years of profound meditation in solitude would have been less +painful to me than an active life of six months in the midst of men and +public affairs, with a certainty of not succeeding in my undertaking. + +I thought of an expedient which seemed proper to obviate every +difficulty. Pursued by the underhand dealings of my secret persecutors +to every place in which I took refuge, and seeing no other except Corsica +where I could in my old days hope for the repose I had until then been +everywhere deprived of, I resolved to go there with the directions of M. +Buttafuoco as soon as this was possible, but to live there in +tranquillity; renouncing, in appearance, everything relative to +legislation, and, in some measure, to make my hosts a return for their +hospitality, to confine myself to writing in the country the history of +the Corsicans, with a reserve in my own mind of the intention of secretly +acquiring the necessary information to become more useful to them should +I see a probability of success. In this manner, by not entering into an +engagement, I hoped to be enabled better to meditate in secret and more +at my ease, a plan which might be useful to their purpose, and this +without much breaking in upon my dearly beloved solitude, or submitting +to a kind of life which I had ever found insupportable. + +But the journey was not, in my situation, a thing so easy to get over. +According to what M. Dastier had told me of Corsica, I could not expect +to find there the most simple conveniences of life, except such as I +should take with me; linen, clothes, plate, kitchen furniture, and books, +all were to be conveyed thither. To get there myself with my +gouvernante, I had the Alps to cross, and in a journey of two hundred +leagues to drag after me all my baggage; I had also to pass through the +states of several sovereigns, and according to the example set to all +Europe, I had, after what had befallen me, naturally to expect to find +obstacles in every quarter, and that each sovereign would think he did +himself honor by overwhelming me with some new insult, and violating in +my person all the rights of persons and humanity. The immense expense, +fatigue, and risk of such a journey made a previous consideration of +them, and weighing every difficulty, the first step necessary. The idea +of being alone, and, at my age, without resource, far removed from all my +acquaintance, and at the mercy of these semi-barbarous and ferocious +people, such as M. Dastier had described them to me, was sufficient to +make me deliberate before I resolved to expose myself to such dangers. +I ardently wished for the interview for which M. Buttafuoco had given me +reason to hope, and I waited the result of it to guide me in my +determination. + +Whilst I thus hesitated came on the persecutions of Motiers, which +obliged me to retire. I was not prepared for a long journey, especially +to Corsica. I expected to hear from Buttafuoco; I took refuge in the +island of St. Peter, whence I was driven at the beginning of winter, as I +have already stated. The Alps, covered with snow, then rendered my +emigration impracticable, especially with the promptitude required from +me. It is true, the extravagant severity of a like order rendered the +execution of it almost impossible; for, in the midst of that concentred +solitude, surrounded by water, and having but twenty-four hours after +receiving the order to prepare for my departure, and find a boat and +carriages to get out of the island and the territory, had I had wings, +I should scarcely have been able to pay obedience to it. This I wrote to +the bailiff of Nidau, in answer to his letter, and hastened to take my +departure from a country of iniquity. In this manner was I obliged to +abandon my favorite project, for which reason, not having in my +oppression been able to prevail upon my persecutors to dispose of me +otherwise, I determined, in consequence of the invitation of my lord +marshal, upon a journey to Berlin, leaving Theresa to pass the winter in +the island of St. Peter, with my books and effects, and depositing my +papers in the hands of M. du Peyrou. I used so much diligence that the +next morning I left the island and arrived at Bienne before noon. An +accident, which I cannot pass over in silence, had here well nigh put an +end to my journey. + +As soon as the news or my having received an order to quit my asylum was +circulated, I received a great number of visits from the neighborhood, +and especially from the Bernois, who came with the most detestable +falsehood to flatter and soothe me, protesting that my persecutors had +seized the moment of the vacation of the senate to obtain and send me the +order, which, said they, had excited the indignation of the two hundred. +Some of these comforters came from the city of Bienne, a little free +state within that of Berne, and amongst others a young man of the name of +Wildremet whose family was of the first rank, and had the greatest credit +in that city. Wildremet strongly solicited me in the name of his fellow- +citizens to choose my retreat amongst them, assuring me that they were +anxiously desirous of it, and that they would think it an honor and their +duty to make me forget the persecutions I had suffered; that with them I +had nothing to fear from the influence of the Bernois, that Bienne was a +free city, governed by its own laws, and that the citizens were +unanimously resolved not to hearken to any solicitation which should be +unfavorable to me. + +Wildremet perceiving all he could say to be ineffectual, brought to his +aid several other persons, as well from Bienne and the environs as from +Berne; even, and amongst others, the same Kirkeberguer, of whom I have +spoken, who, after my retreat to Switzerland had endeavored to obtain my +esteem, and by his talents and principles had interested me in his favor. +But I received much less expected and more weighty solicitations from M. +Barthes, secretary to the embassy from France, who came with Wildremet to +see me, exhorted me to accept his invitation, and surprised me by the +lively and tender concern he seemed to feel for my situation. I did not +know M. Barthes; however I perceived in what he said the warmth and zeal +of friendship, and that he had it at heart to persuade me to fix my +residence at Bienne. He made the most pompous eulogium of the city and +its inhabitants, with whom he showed himself so intimately connected as +to call them several times in my presence his patrons and fathers. + +This from Barthes bewildered me in my conjectures. I had always +suspected M. de Choisuel to be the secret author of all the persecutions +I suffered in Switzerland. The conduct of the resident of Geneva, +and that of the ambassador at Soleure but too much confirmed my +suspicion; I perceived the secret influence of France in everything that +happened to me at Berne, Geneva and Neuchatel, and I did not think I had +any powerful enemy in that kingdom, except the Duke de Choiseul. What +therefore could I think of the visit of Barthes and the tender concern he +showed for my welfare? My misfortunes had not yet destroyed the +confidence natural to my heart, and I had still to learn from experience +to discern snares under the appearance of friendship. I sought with +surprise the reason of the benevolence of M. Barthes; I was not weak +enough to believe he had acted from himself; there was in his manner +something ostentatious, an affectation even which declared a concealed +intention, and I was far from having found in any of these little +subaltern agents, that generous intrepidity which, when I was in a +similar employment, had often caused a fermentation in my heart. I had +formerly known something of the Chevalier Beauteville, at the castle of +Montmorency; he had shown me marks of esteem; since his appointment to +the embassy he had given me proofs of his not having entirely forgotten +me, accompanied with an invitation to go and see him at Soleure. Though +I did not accept this invitation, I was extremely sensible of his +civility, not having been accustomed to be treated with such kindness by +people in place. I presume M. de Beauteville, obliged to follow his +instructions in what related to the affairs of Geneva, yet pitying me +under my misfortunes, had by his private cares prepared for me the asylum +of Bienne, that I might live there in peace under his auspices. I was +properly sensible of his attention, but without wishing to profit by it +and quite determined upon the journey to Berlin, I sighed after the +moment in which I was to see my lord marshal, persuaded I should in +future find zeal repose and lasting happiness nowhere but near his +person. + +On my departure from the island, Kirkeberguer accompanied me to Bienne. +I found Wildremet and other Biennois, who, by the water side, waited my +getting out of the boat. We all dined together at the inn, and on my +arrival there my first care was to provide a chaise, being determined to +set off the next morning. Whilst we were at dinner these gentlemen +repeated their solicitations to prevail upon me to stay with them, and +this with such warmth and obliging protestations, that notwithstanding +all my resolutions, my heart, which has never been able to resist +friendly attentions, received an impression from theirs; the moment they +perceived I was shaken, they redoubled their efforts with so much effect +that I was at length overcome, and consented to remain at Bienne, at +least until the spring. + +Wildremet immediately set about providing me with a lodging, and boasted, +as of a fortunate discovery, of a dirty little chamber in the back of the +house, on the third story, looking into a courtyard, where I had for a +view the display of the stinking skins of a dresser of chamois leather. +My host was a man of a mean appearance, and a good deal of a rascal; the +next day after I went to his house I heard that he was a debauchee, a +gamester, and in bad credit in the neighborhood. He had neither wife, +children, nor servants, and shut up in my solitary chamber, I was in the +midst of one of the most agreeable countries in Europe, lodged in a +manner to make me die of melancholy in the course of a few days. What +affected me most was, that, notwithstanding what I had heard of the +anxious wish of the inhabitants to receive me amongst them, I had not +perceived, as I passed through the streets, anything polite towards me in +their manners, or obliging in their looks. I was, however, determined to +remain there; but I learned, saw, and felt, the day after, that there was +in the city a terrible fermentation, of which I was the cause. Several +persons hastened obligingly to inform me that on the next day I was to +receive an order conceived in the most severe terms, immediately to quit +the state, that is the city. I had nobody in whom I could confide; they +who had detained me were dispersed. Wildremet had disappeared; I heard +no more of Barthes, and it did not appear that his recommendation had +brought me into great favor with those whom he had styled his patrons and +fathers. One M. de Van Travers, a Bernois, who had an agreeable house +not far from the city, offered it to me for my asylum, hoping, as he +said, that I might there avoid being stoned. The advantage this offer +held out was not sufficiently flattering to tempt me to prolong my abode +with these hospitable people. + +Yet, having lost three days by the delay, I had greatly exceeded the +twenty-four hours the Bernois had given me to quit their states, and +knowing their severity, I was not without apprehensions as to the manner +in which they would suffer me to cross them, when the bailiff of Nidau +came opportunely and relieved me from my embarrassment. As he had highly +disapproved of the violent proceedings of their excellencies, he thought, +in his generosity, he owed me some public proof of his taking no part in +them, and had courage to leave his bailiwick to come and pay me a visit +at Bienne. He did me this favor the evening before my departure, and far +from being incognito he affected ceremony, coming in fiocchi in his coach +with his secretary, and brought me a passport in his own name that I +might cross the state of Berne at my ease, and without fear of +molestation. I was more flattered by the visit than by the passport, +and should have been as sensible of the merit of it, had it had for +object any other person whatsoever. Nothing makes a greater impression +on my heart than a well-timed act of courage in favor of the weak +unjustly oppressed. + +At length, after having with difficulty procured a chaise, I next morning +left this barbarous country, before the arrival of the deputation with +which I was to be honored, and even before I had seen Theresa, to whom I +had written to come to me, when I thought I should remain at Bienne, +and whom I had scarcely time to countermand by a short letter, informing +her of my new disaster. In the third part of my memoirs, if ever I be +able to write them, I shall state in what manner, thinking to set off for +Berlin, I really took my departure for England, and the means by which +the two ladies who wished to dispose of my person, after having by their +manoeuvres driven me from Switzerland, where I was not sufficiently in +their power, at last delivered me into the hands of their friend. + +I added what follows on reading my memoirs to M. and Madam, the Countess +of Egmont, the Prince Pignatelli, the Marchioness of Mesme, and the +Marquis of Juigne. + +I have written the truth: if any person has heard of things contrary to +those I have just stated, were they a thousand times proved, he has heard +calumny and falsehood; and if he refuses thoroughly to examine and +compare them with me whilst I am alive, he is not a friend either to +justice or truth. For my part, I openly, and without the least fear +declare, that whoever, even without having read my works, shall have +examined with his own eyes, my disposition, character, manners, +inclinations, pleasures, and habits, and pronounce me a dishonest man, +is himself one who deserves a gibbet. + +Thus I concluded, and every person was silent; Madam d'Egmont was the +only person who seemed affected; she visibly trembled, but soon recovered +herself, and was silent like the rest of the company. Such were the +fruits of my reading and declaration. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Bilboquet +I never much regretted sleep +In company I suffer cruelly by inaction +Indolence of company is burdensome because it is forced +More stunned than flattered by the trumpet of fame +Nothing absurd appears to them incredible +Obliged to pay attention to every foolish thing uttered +Only prayer consisted in the single interjection "Oh!" +Reproach me with so many contradictions +Substituting cunning to knowledge +Wish thus to be revenged of me for their humiliation + + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, v12 +by Jean Jacques Rousseau + diff --git a/old/jj12b10.zip b/old/jj12b10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9c83dcc --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jj12b10.zip |