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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/39119-0.txt b/39119-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..29cf884 --- /dev/null +++ b/39119-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5686 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 39119 *** + *SATIRES AND PROFANITIES* + + + _By_ + + *James Thomson* + + _With a Preface by G. W. Foote_ + + _London_ + + _1884_ + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PREFACE + THE DEVIL IN THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND + RELIGION IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS + THE STORY OF A FAMOUS OLD JEWISH FIRM + CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE UPPER CIRCLES + HEINE ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS EXILE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT WHALES + THE DAILY NEWS + JESUS: AS GOD; AS A MAN + THE ONE THING NEEDFUL + THE SWINBURNE CONTROVERSY + GREAT CHRIST IS DEAD + RESURRECTION AND ASCENSION OF JESUS + SOME MUSLIM LAWS AND BELIEFS + THE CHRISTIAN WORLD AND THE SECULARIST + THE ATHANASIAN CREED + OUR OBSTRUCTIONS + MR. KINGSLEY’S CONVERTITES + THE PRIMATE ON THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD + SPIRITISM IN THE POLICE COURT + A COMMISSION OF INQUIRY ON ROYALTY + Draft + A BIBLE LESSON ON MONARCHY + PRINCIPAL TULLOCH ON PERSONAL IMMORTALITY + THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH + + + + +PREFACE + + +Believing as I do that James Thomson is, since Shelley, the most +brilliant genius who has wielded a pen in the service of Freethought, I +take a natural pride and pleasure in rescuing the following articles +from burial in the great mausoleum of the periodical press. There will +doubtless be a diversity of opinion as to their value. One critic, for +instance, has called “The Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm” a witless +squib; but, on the other hand, the late Professor Clifford considered it +a piece of exquisite mordant satire worthy of Swift. Such differences +are inevitable from the very nature of the subject. Satire, more than +any other form of composition, rouses antipathy where it does not +command applause; and the greater the satire, the more intense are the +feelings it excites. + +But which side, it may be inquired, is likely to be the best judge? +Surely the friendly one. Sympathy is requisite to insight, as Carlyle +says; while hostility blinds us to a thousand virtues and beauties. I am +aware that many will take objection to the employment of satire at all, +whether good or bad, on religious topics; but this seems to me +preposterous, and I should readily answer it, if Thomson had not done so +himself in the most vigorous and triumphant manner. + +Nearly all the pieces in this volume appeared originally in the National +Reformer or the Secularist. I have attempted no arrangement of them, not +even a chronological one; the compositor has shuffled them at his own +sweet will. All I have done, besides collecting them and carefully +reading the proofs, is to indicate in each case the year of first +publication; and I think the reader will approve this plan as both +modest and sensible. + +I am much mistaken if this volume does not become a well-prized treasure +to many Freethinkers; that it will ever be valued by the general public +I dare not hope. Yet the number of its admirers will increase with the +growth of a healthy scepticism. It will not fall like a bombshell among +ordinary readers, who serenely ignore the most terrible mental +explosives, and render them comparatively innocuous by mere force of +neglect; but it will startle and stimulate some minds, and in time its +influence will extend to many more. + +What value Thomson placed on these pieces it is difficult to decide. +“Working off the talent,” he once remarked when I mentioned them. But +the fact remains that he allowed one or two of them to be reprinted as +pamphlets before any of his poems were collected in a volume. He +naturally cared more for his poems than for his prose. What poet ever +did the contrary? But even for these he cared little, except “The City +of Dreadful Night” and a few others, which expressed his profoundest +convictions. + +There were several articles in his “Essays and Phantasies” that proved +Thomson to be a born satirist as well as a born poet; notably “Proposals +for the Speedy Extinction of Evil and Misery,” a tremendous display of +sustained irony, to my mind unsurpassed even by Swift at his greatest, +and with a poetic grandeur quite beyond him. The contents of this volume +show marks of the same strong hand. There is never, perhaps, so +continuous an exertion of power; but there is more versatility, more +freedom, and often more abandon. I fancy, too, there is more rapidity +and suppleness, and I am sure there is more mirth. + +Thomson’s satire was always bitterest, or at any rate most trenchant, +when it dealt with Religion, which he considered a disease of the mind, +engendered by folly and fostered by ignorance and vanity. He saw that +spiritual superstition not only diverts men from Truth, but induces a +slavish stupidity of mind, and prepares the way for every form of +political and social injustice. He was an Atheist first and a Republican +afterwards. He derided the idea of making a true Republic of a +population besotted with religion, paralysed by creeds cringing to the +agents of their servitude, and clinging to the chains that enthral them. + +A few words only as to Thomson’s life. Outwardly it was singularly +uneventful, although inwardly it was intense and exciting. He was bom at +Port Glasgow, on the 23rd of November, 1834; and he died in London, on +the 1st of June 1882. His father was a merchant captain, and his mother +a zealous Irvingite. Left parentless in his infancy, he was educated at +the Caledonian Orphan Asylum. For some years he served as a schoolmaster +in the army, during which time he contracted an intimate friendship with +Mr. Bradlaugh, with whom he subsequently worked and lived in London. +Soon after leaving Mr. Bradlaugh he devoted himself to journalism, to +which he brought a well-practised pen; contributing to the _National +Reformer, the Secularist, the Liberal, Cope’s Tobacco Plant_, and other +periodicals. Shortly before his death he gained access to the _Weekly +Dispatch_ and the _Fortnightly Review_. His poems and essays were mostly +written before he tried to live by his pen. Four volumes of these have +been published by Reeves and Turner, under the generous editorship of +Mr. Bertram Dobell, who has prefixed a memoir to the last, entitled “A +Voice from the Nile and Other Poems.” Besides the five volumes of +Thomson’s writings now before the public, there are many essays and +articles and a few poems still uncollected, some of them of high value; +and many poems in manuscript, unknown to all but a few privileged +friends. Mr. Dobell hopes to publish them all in time. Thomson’s +poetical reputation is, however, already established. The best judges +give him the highest praise. My own judgment assigns him the next place +to Robert Browning. Of course it is no blasphemy to dispute my estimate; +but what prospect is there of reversing the common verdict of George +Eliot, George Meredith, Swinburne, and Rossetti? + +Mr. Dobell refers to the charm of Thomson’s manner in social +intercourse. His personal appearance told in his favor. He was of the +medium height, well-built, and active. He possessed that striking +characteristic sometimes found in mixed races—black hair and beard, and +grey-blue eyes. The eyes were fine and wonderfully expressive. They were +full of shifting light, soft grey in some moods and deep blue in others. +They contained depth within depth; and when he was moved by strong +passion they widened and flashed with magnetic power. When not suffering +from depression he was the life of the company. He was the most +brilliant talker I ever met, and at home in all societies; a fine +companion in a day’s walk, and a shining figure at the festive table or +in the social drawing-room. But you enjoyed his conversation most when +you sat with him alone, taking occasional draughts of our national +beverage, and constantly burning “the divine weed.” + +Thomson’s sympathy with radical and revolutionary causes is not much +noticed by Mr. Dobell, but it was very strong. He was secretary for some +time to the Polish Committee in London, and his glorious lines on “A +Polish Insurgent” which I for one can never read without tears, proves +that he might have written the noble songs that George Eliot hoped he +would compose. He sympathised with all self-sacrifice, all lofty +aspiration, and in particular with all suffering. This last emotion was +often betrayed by a look rather than expressed in words. I vividly +remember being with him once on a popular holiday at the Alexandra +Palace. We were seated on the grass, watching the shifting groups of +happy forms, and exchanging appreciative or satirical remarks. Suddenly +I observed my companion’s gaze fixed on a youth who limped by with a +pleasant smile on his face, but too obviously beyond hope of ever +sharing in the full enjoyment of life. Thomson’s eyes followed him until +he passed out of sight, and the next moment our eyes met. I shall never +forget the gentle sadness of that look, its beautiful sympathy that +transcended speech, and made all words poor. + +Thomson’s life was a long tragedy. He inherited from his father a fatal +curse, and in his youth he lost the beautiful girl to whom he was +engaged. She was the object of his passionate adoration, and allusions +to her often occur in his poems. Her image mingled with all the sombre +panoramas of Love and Death and Grief that passed before the eyes of his +imagination. Yet I do not agree with Mr. Dobell in regarding this +bereavement as the _cause_ of his life-long misery. She was, I hold, +merely the peg on which he hung his raiment of sorrow; without her, +another object might have served the same purpose. He carried within him +his proper curse, constitutional melancholia. From long and careful +observation I formed this conclusion, and it explains Thomson’s life and +philosophy. I would not dogmatise, however; for the profundities and +subtleties of the human heart baffle all calculation. Certitude is now +impossible. The seal of eternal silence is set on Thomson’s lips—“after +life’s fitful fever he sleeps well.” He is buried at Highgate, and his +darling lies, I suspect, in an unknown grave. Death has at last united +them, but their love survives in the glory of immortal song. + + + + +THE DEVIL IN THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND + + +(1876.) + +The Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has delivered judgment in +the case of Jenkins v. Cook. Many of the highest personages in the +realm, including the Archbishop of Canterbury and the great law-lords, +were present to give weight and solemnity to the decision, which was +read by the Lord Chancellor. It was reported at full length in the +_Times_ of the following day, Feb. 17, 1876, the length being two +columns of small print. + +I must try to indicate briefly the main facts of the case, before +hazarding any comments on it. Mr. Jenkins, of Christ Church, Clifton, +brought an action against his vicar, the Kev. Flavel S. Cook, for +refusing him the Sacrament of the Holy Communion. Mr. Cook justified the +refusal on the ground that Mr. Jenkins did not believe in the Devil, all +passages relating to the Devil and evil spirits having been excluded +from a bulky volume published by Mr. Jenkins, entitled “Selections from +the Old and New Testaments.” By the evidence of Mrs. Jenkins, who +attempted an amicable arrangement, it appears that Mr. Cook said to her: +“Let Mr. Jenkins write me a calm letter, and say he believes in the +Devil, and I will give him the Sacrament.” Whereupon Mr. Jenkins wrote +on July 20, 1874: “With regard to my book, ‘Selections from the Old and +New Testaments,’ the parts I have omitted, and which has enabled me +[meaning, doubtless, and the omission of which has enabled me] to use +the book morning and evening in my family are, in their present +generally received sense, quite incompatible with region or decency (in +my opinion). How such ideas have become connected with a book containing +everything that is necessary for a man to know, I really cannot say; I +can only sincerely regret it.” Mr. Cook replied in effect: “Then you +cannot be received at the Lord’s table in my church.” Mr. Jenkins, a +regular communicant, and admittedly a man of exemplary and devout life, +answered: “Thinking as you do, I do not see what other course you could +consistently have taken. I shall, nevertheless, come to the Lord’s table +as usual at ‘your’ church, which is also mine.” Accordingly he presented +himself, and was repelled, whereupon he brought an action against Mr. +Cook. + +The case was first tried in the Court of Arches, and the dean dismissed +the suit and condemned Mr. Jenkins in costs, saying, “I am of opinion +that the avowed and persistent denial of the existence and personality +of the Devil did, according to the law of the Church, as expressed in +her canons and rubrics, constitute the promoter [Mr. Jenkins] ‘an evil +liver,’ and ‘a depraver of the Book of Common Prayer and Administration +of the Sacraments,’ in such sense as to warrant the defendant in +refusing to administer the Holy Communion to him until he disavowed or +withdrew his avowal of the heretical opinion, and that the same +consideration applies to the absolute denial by the promoter of the +doctrine of the eternity of punishment, and, of course, still more to +the denial of all punishment for sin in a future state, which is the +legitimate consequence of his deliberate exclusion of the passages of +scripture referring to such punishment.” + +So far, so well; the Church of England was assured of the Devil and the +eternal punishment it has always held so dear. But Mr. Jenkins appealed +to the highest court, and this has reversed the decision of the lower, +admonished Mr. Cook for his conduct in the past, monished him to refrain +from the like offence in future, and condemned him in the costs of both +suits. Do you think, then, that the Church of England is authoritatively +deprived of her dear Devil and her beloved eternal punishment? Not at +all; the really important problem is evaded with consummate lawyerlike +wariness; the points in dispute are most shiftily shifted like slides of +a magic lantern; we have a new decision essentially unrelated to that +which it cancels; we have a judgment which concerns not the Devil—except +that he would chuckle over the too clever unwisdom which fancies it can +extinguish “burning questions” with legal wigs. + +Their most learned lordships in the first place observe that the learned +judge of the Court of Arches appears to have considered that the canon +and the rubric severally warrant the repulsion from the Lord’s table of +“an evil liver,” and “a depraver of the Book of Common Prayer,” whereas +the terms are “an open and notorious evil liver,” and “common and +notorious depravers.” This is a most pregnant distinction, teaching us +that an evil liver and a depraver of the said book, as long as he is not +notoriously such, is fully entitled to the Holy Communion, fully +entitled to the privilege of “eating and drinking damnation to himself?” +a privilege from which the notorious evil liver and depraver is +righteously debarred. + +Now, their most learned lordships find that there is absolutely no +evidence that the appellant was an evil liver, much less an open and +notorious evil liver. The Question follows, Was he a common and +notorious depraver of the Book of Common Prayer? It was contended that +the Selections, coupled with the letter of July 20, proved him to be +this. But the letter was not written spontaneously. He was invited by +the respondent, Mr. Cook, to write it. It was a friendly and private, as +well as a solicited, communication. Therefore, whatever be the +construction of the letter, and even if there be in it a depravation of +the Book of Common Prayer, still it would be impossible to hold that the +writing of such a letter in such circumstances could make the appellant +“a common and notorious depraver.” Whence it is clear that a man may +deprave the Book of Common Prayer as much as he pleases in private +conversation and letters, yet retain the precious privilege of “eating +and drinking damnation to himself” in the Holy Communion; he can only +forfeit this by common and notorious depravation of that blessed +book—for instance, by a depravation repeatedly published in a newspaper, +or persistently proclaimed by the town-crier. + +So far the law seems most clear, and the judgment quite incontestible. +But leaving the strait limits of the law, and looking at the facts in +evidence, there is one part of the judgment which to the common lay mind +is simply astonishing. Their most learned lordships “_desire to state in +the most emphatic manner that there is not before them any evidence that +the appellant entertains the doctrines attributed to him by the Dean of +Arches_;” wherefore their most learned and subtle lordships “do not mean +to decide that those doctrines are otherwise than inconsistent with the +formularies of the Church of England.” Nor, of course, do they mean to +decide that those doctrines _are_ inconsistent with, those formularies. +No, “This is not the subject for their lordships’ present +consideration.” Indeed, “If they were [had been] called upon to decide +that [whether] those opinions, or any of them, could be entertained or +expressed by a member of the Church, whether layman or clergyman, +consistently with the law and with his remaining in communion with the +Church, they would have looked upon this case with much greater anxiety +than they now feel in its decision.” + +Mr. Jenkins compiles and publishes a book of “Selections from the +Bible,” carefully excluding all passages relating to the Devil and evil +spirits. The book is bulky; and, in fact, though this is not expressly +stated, seems to contain pretty well all the Bible except such passages. +He further exhibits in the case a book of selections from the liturgy of +the Church of England, apparently compiled on the same principle of +exclusion.. Mr. Cook sends through Mrs. J. a message: “Let Mr. J. write +me a calm letter, and say he believes in the Devil, and I will give him +the Sacrament.” Mr. J. replies, as we have seen, that the parts he has +omitted are, in his opinion, quite incompatible with religion or +decency, _in their generally received sense_; such generally received +sense being evidently (to all of us save their most learned and subtle +lordships) that in which the Church of England receives them. Mr. C. +replies, “Then I must refuse you the Communion.” Mr. J. answers, +“Thinking as you do, I do not see what other course you could con-. +sistently have taken;” and resolves to test the question of legality. +With these facts staring them in the face, their most learned and most +subtle lordships can, with the utmost solemnity, and in the most +emphatic manner, declare that there is not any evidence before them that +Mr. Jenkins does not believe in the Devil in the common Church of +England sense! What the eyes of laymen, however purblind, cannot help +seeing clearly, their far-sighted lordships, putting on legal +spectacles, dim with the dust of many ages, manage not to discern at +all. + +The question cannot be left thus undecided. As matters stand, the poor +Church does not know whether, legally, it has a Devil or not. Its Devil, +its dear and precious old Devil, is in a state of suspended animation, +neither dead nor alive; a most inefficient and burdensome Devil. He must +either be restored to full health and vigor, or buried away decently for +ever; decently and solemnly, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in the +presence of all their lordships of the Judicial Committee of the Privy +Council, reading the appropriate Church service over his grave. That +would be touching and impressive!—“Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty +God (with the sanction and authority of the Judicial Committee of the +Privy Council) of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our +dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; +earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope +of the resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ.” At +present it appears that every clergyman and layman in the Church has the +legal right to sing as a solo in private, especially if solicited, +Beranger’s refrain, “_The Devil is dead! The Devil is dead!_” while it +is doubtful whether he is at liberty to chant it publicly and in +chorus—a state of things anomalous beyond even the normal anomalism of +all things in this our happy England. It is urgent that some one, lay or +cleric, should compel the decision which the suit of Mr. Jenkins has +failed to obtain. + +In considering the question whether disbelief in the Devil would +“deprave” the Prayer Book, we must refer to this book itself. It +contains three creeds—the Apostles’, the Nicene, and that called of +Athanasius. Of these the Nicene (the creed in the Communion Service, by +the way) mentions neither the Devil nor Hell; the Apostles’ and the +so-called Athanasian mention hell but not the Devil. In No. III. of the +Thirty-nine Articles hell is solidly established, but again there is no +mention of the Devil. It may be argued that hell implies the Devil, as a +fox-hole implies a fox; but his existence is not authoritatively +averred. Strangely enough, the only personage who, according to the +creeds and articles, has certainly been in hell, is Jesus Christ +himself: “He descended into hell; the third day he rose again from the +dead; he ascended into heaven.” What took _him_ to hell? The Prayer Book +does not inform us. But we learn from the Epistle called 1 Peter, chap. +iii., 19, 20, and chap. iv., 6: “By which also he went and preached unto +the spirits in prison, which sometime were disobedient, when once the +long-suffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was a +preparing, wherein few, that is eight souls, were saved by water.... For +this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they +might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God +in the spirit.” Whence it appears that the spirits in prison were not +the Devil and his angels, but the spirits of those who were drowned in +the Flood for disobedience; and it furthermore appears that these +spirits were saved by the preaching of Christ; so that in this famous +harrying of hell, he seems to have left it as empty as the mosstroopers +in their forays left farmsteads. It is true that No. VI. of the Articles +settles the canon of the Old and New Testaments, and that anyone daring +to exclude from belief anything in this canon might be convicted of +depraving the Prayer Book. But in that case all the best scholars and +divines of the Church are guilty of this dreadful sin; and not only +guilty, but openly, commonly and notoriously guilty: and therefore all +merit repulsion from the Lord’s table. Let the truly faithful clergy, +those who believe all without question or distinction, do their duty to +the Articles of religion of their Church (the Creeds, as I have pointed +out, are neutral), and they will shut out from their Communion nearly +all the intelligent piety and learning which lend it whatever dignity it +still retains. Granted the canon in its integrity, and the existence of +a personal Devil, and the doctrine of eternal punishment cannot be +fairly disputed. Without multiplying texts, I may refer to Revelation, +chap. xx., as decisive on these points. + +From these considerations it follows that if the Church of England is +bound by her own articles she will hold fast to the Devil and hell, and +deny the privilege of her Communion to any one who depraves the +Prayer-Book by common and notorious disbelief in them. And for my own +part, I do not see how the Church could get on at all without a Devil +and hell, especially in competition with the other Christian sects, +which make unlimited use of both. The Devil is in fact as essential to +the Christian schemes as a leader of the opposition to that great +political blessing, government by party. If he were to die, or be +deposed, it would be necessary to elect another to the vacant dignity. +You cannot put the leadership in commission as the unfortunate Liberals +were taunted with doing, in their demoralisation after their disasters +of the General Election and Mr. Gladstone’s sudden retirement. Just as +Mr. Disraeli lamented the withdrawal of Mr. Gladstone, complaining of +the embarrassment caused to the Government by having no responsible +leader opposed to it, so we can imagine dear God lamenting the absence +of a Devil, and declaring that the Christian scheme could not work well +without one. His utter loss would make the government of the world +retrograde from an admirably balanced constitutional monarchy to a mere +Oriental absolute despotism. You must choose some one to lead, if only +in name and for the time, as the Whigs chose Lord Hartington. But though +Lord Hartington is still tolerated by us English, a Lord Hartington of a +Devil, be it said with all respect to both his lordship and his +Devil-ship, would scarcely be tolerated by either the celestial or the +infernal benches. + +In Beranger’s authentic record, already alluded to, of “The Death of the +Devil”—which, however, relates only to the Church of Rome—we read how, +on learning the catastrophe:— + + “The conclave shook with mortal fear; + Power and cash−box, adieu! they said; + We have lost our father dear, + The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” + +But while they they were in this passion of grief and despair, St. +Ignatius offered to take the place of the dead Devil; and none could +doubt that he with his Jesuits for imps would prove a most efficient +substitute. Wherefore the Church threw off its sorrow and welcomed his +offer with most holy rapture:— + + “Noble fellow! cried all the court, + We bless thee for thy malice and hate. + And at once his Order, Rome’s support, + Saw its robe flutter Heaven’s gate. + From the angel’s tears of pity fell: + Poor man will have cause to rue, they said; + St. Ignatius inherits Hell. + The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” + +Thus matters continued well for the Church of Rome, and, in fact, became +even better than before. But if the Devil should die in the Church of +England, whom has she that could efficiently take his place? She has no +saints except the disciples and apostles of the New Testament, and these +have long since gone to glory. Would Mr. Gladstone undertake the office? +or Mr. Beresford Hope, with the _Saturday Review_ for his infernal +gazette? or the editor of the _Rock?_ or he of the _Church Times?_ or +the man who does religion for the _Daily Telegraph?_ Each of these +distinguished gentlemen might well eagerly accept the candidature or a +post so lofty: but I fear that none of them could be considered equal to +its functions. Perhaps Mr. Disraeli has the requisite genius, and +probably he would be very glad to exchange the Premiership of little +England for that of large hell: but unfortunately he has already +committed himself to the side of the angels, meaning by angels the +humdrum Tory angels of heaven—for, as Dr. Johnson said, the Devil was +the first Whig. On the whole, the Church of England had better keep +loyal to its ancient and venerable Devil, being too impoverished in +intellect and character to supply a worthy successor. + +I have ventured to compare the government of the world in the Christian +scheme, by a God and a Devil, with our own felicitous government by +party. There is, however, or rather there appears to be, a striking +difference between the two. In our government, when the Prime Minister +finds himself decidedly in a minority, he goes out of office, and the +Leader of the Opposition goes in; in the Government of the World the +Leader of the Opposition seems to have always had an immense majority +(and his majority in these days is probably larger than ever before, +seeing that sceptics and infidels have multiplied exceedingly), yet the +other side is supposed to retain permanent possession of office. I say +“supposed,” because the Bible itself suggests that this popular opinion +is a mistake, the Devil (if there be a Devil) being entitled by it the +prince of this world, which surely implies his accession to power. + +Although the Godhead or governing power of the world, according to the +Christian scheme, is usually spoken and written of as a trinity, it is, +in fact, quarterary or fourfold for Protestants, and quinary or fivefold +for Roman Catholics. The former have God the Father, God the Son, God +the Holy Ghost, and God the Devil; the latter supplement these with +Goddess the Virgin Mary. Both formally acknowledge the first three as +collectively and severally almighty, but Protestants implicitly +acknowledge the fourth, and Roman Catholics the fifth, as more almighty +still (these solecisms of dogma cannot be expressed without solecisms of +language). With the Roman Catholics I am not concerned here. With regard +to the Protestants, and those especially professing the Protestantism of +the Church of England, I may safely affirm that the Devil is not less +essential to their theology than is any person of the Trinity, or, in +fact, than are the three persons together. Indeed, the Father and the +Holy Ghost have been practically dispensed with, leaving Christ and +Satan to fight the battle out between themselves. + +As this is a gloriously scientific age, nobly enamored of the exact +sciences, I will endeavor to expound this sublime subject of the +divinity of the Church of England mathematically, even after the manner +of the divine Plato in Book VIII. of “The Republic,” treating of divine +and human generation; and in the “Timæus,” treating of the creation of +the universal soul. His demonstrations, indeed, are so divinely obscure +as to confound all the scholiasts; my demonstration, however, shall be +so translucent that even the most learned and subtle lords of the +Judicial Committee of the Privy Council, with their legal spectacles on, +shall not be able to help seeing through it. And whereas the figures, +which are shapes, are more intelligible to most people than the figures +which are numbers, let the exposition be geometrical. We will say, then, +that the Church of old conceived the divinity in the form of an +equilateral triangle, whereof the base was Christ as the whole system +was founded on belief in the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Father and the +Holy Ghost were the two sides, leaning each on the other; and the Devil +was the apex, as opposed to, and farthest from, our blessed Savior. But +in course of time the theologians (perhaps merely wanting some +occupation for their vigorous talents, perhaps deeming it undignified to +have two persons of the godhead supporting each other obliquely like a +couple of tipsy men, perhaps simply in order to make matters square) set +to work, and pushed up the two sides, so that each might stand firm and +perpendicular by itself. This process had two unforeseen results; it +expanded the apex, which was a very elastic point, so that it became the +crowning side of the square, and it so unhinged the sides that after a +brief upright existence they lost their balance, and were carried to +Limbo by the first wind of strange doctrine which blew that way; and the +Devil and Christ, or Christ and the Devil (arrange the precedence as you +please), were left alone confronting each other. These two are of course +equal and parallel, the main distinction between them being that Christ +is below, and the Devil above, or, in other words, that the Devil is +superior and Christ inferior (the Devil seems entitled to the +precedence). Thus matters have continued even to the present time, the +divinity showing itself, as we may say, without form and void; and we +are free to speculate on the momentous questions: Will the crown (which +is the Devil) fall into the base (which is Christ)? Will the base float +up into the crown? Will the two coalesce half way? Will they both, +unknit from their sides, be carried away to Limbo by some blast of +strange doctrine? One thing is certain, they cannot long remain as they +are. Rare Ben Jonson chanted the Trinity, or Equilateral Triangle; rare +Walt Whitman has chanted the Square Deific (with Satan for the fourth +side); no poet can care to chant the two straight lines which, in the +language of Euclid, and in the region of intelligence, cannot enclose a +space, but are as a magnified symbol of equal—to nothing. + +P. S.—It may be appropriately added that the books of Euclid are really +symbolic and prophetic expositions of most sublime and sacrosanct +mysteries, though in these days few persons seem aware of the fact. Thus +the very first definition, “A point is position without magnitude,” +exactly defines every point of difference between the theologians. So a +line, which is as the prolongation of a point, or length without +breadth, represents in one sense (for each symbol has manifold meanings) +the history of any theological system. An acute angle is, say, Professor +Clifford; an obtuse angle, Mr. Whalley; a right angle, the present +writer: _non angeli sed Angli_. The first proposition, “To erect an +equilateral triangle upon a given finite straight line,” indicates the +problem solved by Christianity, when it erected the Trinity on the basis +of the man we call Jesus. This pregnant subject should be worked out in +detail through the whole eight books. + + + + +RELIGION IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS + + +Top of Pike’s Peak, March 4th, 1873. + +Honored with your special commission, I at once hurried across to +Denver, and thence still westward until I found myself among the big +vertebrae of this longish backbone of America. I have wandered to and +fro among the new cities, the advanced camps of civilisation, always +carefully reticent as to my mission, always carefully inquiring into the +state of religion both in doctrine and practice. You were so hopeful +that high Freethought would be found revelling triumphant in these high +free regions, that I fear you will be acutely pained by this my true +report. Churches and chapels of all kinds abound—Episcopalian, Methodist +Episcopal (for the Methodists here have bishops), Presbyterian, Baptist, +Congregational, Roman Catholic, etc. Zeal inflaming my courage, three +and even four times have I ventured into a church, each time enduring +the whole service; and if I have not ventured oftener, certainly I had +more than sufficient cause to abstain. For as I suffered in my few +visits to churches in your England, so I suffered here; and such +sufferings are too dreadful to be frequently encountered, even by the +bravest of the brave. Whether my sensations in church are similar to +those of others, or are peculiar to myself, I cannot be sure; but I am +quite sure that they are excruciating. On first entering I may feel +calm, wakeful, sane, and not uncomfortable, except that here I rather +regret being shut in from the pure air and splendid sky, and in England +rather regret having come out through the raw, damp murk, and in both +regret that civilisation has not yet established smoking-pews; but the +Church is always behind the age. It is pleasant for awhile to note the +well-dressed people seated or entering; the men with unctuous hair and +somewhat wooden decorum; the women floating more at ease, suavely +conscious of their fine inward and outward adornments. It is pleasant to +keep a hopeful look-out for some one of more than common beauty or +grace, and to watch such a one if discovered. As the service begins, and +the old, old words and phrases come floating around me, I am lulled into +quaint dream-memories of childhood; the long unthought-of school-mates, +the surreptitious sweetstuff, the manifold tricks and smothered +laughter, by whose aid (together with total inattention to the service, +except to mark and learn the text) one managed to survive the ordeal. +The singing also is pleasant, and lulls me into vaguer dreams. +Gradually, as the service proceeds, I become more drowsy; my small +faculties are drugged into quiet slumber, they feel themselves off duty, +there is nothing for which they need keep awake. But, with the +commencement of the sermon, new and alarming symptoms arise within me, +growing ever worse and worse until the close. Pleasure departs with +tranquility, the irritation of revolt and passive helplessness is acute. +I cannot find relief in toffy, or in fun with my neighbors, as when I +was a happy child. The old stereotyped phrases, the immemorial +platitudes, the often-killed sophistries that never die, come buzzing +and droning about me like a sluggish swarm of wasps, whose slow +deliberate stinging is more hard to bear than the quick keen stinging of +anger. Then the wasps, penetrating through my ears, swarm inside me; +there is a horrid buzzing in my brain, a portentous humming in my +breast; my small faculties are speedily routed, and disperse in blind +anguish, the implacable wasps droning out and away after them, and I am +left void, void; with hollow skull, empty heart, and a mortal sinking of +stomach; my whole being is but a thin shell charged with vacuity and +desperate craving; I expect every instant to collapse or explode. It is +but too certain that if anyone should then come to lead me off to an +asylum for idiots, or a Young Men’s Christian Association, or any +similar institution, I could not utter a single rational word to save +myself. And though all my faculties have left me, I cannot attempt to +leave the church; decorum, rigid and frigid, freezes me to my seat; I +stare stonily in unimaginable torture, feebly wondering whether the +sermon will outlast my sanity, or my sanity outlast the sermon. When at +length released, I am so utterly demoralised that I can but smoke +furiously, pour much beer and cram much dinner into my hollowness, and +so with swinish dozing hope to feel better by tea-time. Now, though in +order to fulfil the great duties you entrust to me, I have cheerfully +dared the Atlantic, and spent long days and perilous nights in railroad +cars, and would of course (were it indeed necessary) face unappalled +mere physical death and destruction, I really could not go on risking, +with the certainty of ere long losing, my whole small stock of brains; +especially as the loss of these would probably rather hinder than +further the performance of the said duties. For suppose me reduced to +permanent idiocy by church-going, become a mere brazen hollowness with a +riotous tongue like Cowper’s church-going bell; is it not most likely +that I would then turn true believer, renouncing and denouncing your +noble commission, even as you would renounce and denounce your imbecile +commissioner? + +Finding that I could not pursue my inquiries in the churches and +chapels, I was much grieved and perplexed, until one of those thoughts +occurred to me which are always welcome and persuasive, because in exact +agreement with our own desires or necessities. I thought of what I had +remarked when visiting your England: how the churches and chapels and +lecture-halls, each sect thundering more or less terribly against all +the others, made one guess that the people were more disputatious than +pious; how one became convinced, in spite of his infidel reluctance, +that the people were indeed, as a rule, thoroughly and genuinely +religious, by mingling freely with them in their common daily and +nightly life. I asked myself, What really proved to me the pervading +Christianity of England? the sermons, the tracts, the clerical lectures, +the missionary meetings? the cathedrals and other theatres and +music-halls crowded with worshippers on Sunday, while the museums and +other public-houses were empty and shut? No, scarcely these things; but +the grand princeliness of the princes, the true nobleness of the nobles, +the lowliness of the bishops, the sanctity of the clergy, the honesty of +the merchants, the veracity of the shopkeepers, the sobriety and thrift +of the artisans, the independence and intelligence of the rustics; the +general faith and hope and love which brightened the sunless days, the +general temperance and chastity which made beautiful the sombre nights; +the almost universal abhorrence of the world, the flesh, and the Devil; +the almost universal devotion to heaven, the spirit, and God. + +I thereupon determined to study the religion out here, even as I had +studied it in England, in the ordinary public and private life of the +people; and you will doubtless be sorely afflicted to learn that I have +found everywhere much the same signs of genuine, practical Christianity +as are so common and patent in the old country. The ranchmen have sown +the good seed, and shall reap the harvest of heavenly felicity; the +stockmen will surely be corraled with the sheep, and not among the +goats, at the last day; not to gain the whole world would the +storekeepers lose their own souls; the pioneers have found the narrow +way which leadeth unto life; the fishermen are true disciples, the +trappers catch Satan in his own snares, the hunters are mighty before +the Lord; bright are the celestial prospects of the prospectors, ana the +miners are all stoping-out that hidden treasure which is richer than +silver and much fine gold. As compared with the English, these Western +men are perchance inferior in two important points of Christian +sentiment: they probably do not fear God, being little given to fear +anyone; they certainly do not honor the king, perhaps because they +unfortunately have none to honor. On the other hand, as I have been +assured by many persons from the States and the old country, they are +even superior to the English in one important point of Christian +conduct. Christ has promised that in discharging the damned to hell at +the day of judgment, he will fling at them this among other reproaches, +“I was a stranger, and ye took me not in,” and this particular rebuke +seems to have wrought a peculiarly deep impression in these men, perhaps +because they have much more to do with strangers than have people in old +settled countries, so much, indeed, that the word “stranger” is +continually in their mouths. The result is (as the said persons from +England and the States have often solemnly assured me) that any and +every stranger arriving in these regions is most thoroughly, most +beautifully, most religiously taken in. So that should any of these fine +fellows by evil hap be among the accursed multitude whom Christ thus +addresses, they will undoubtedly retort in their frank fashion of +speech: “Wall, boss, it may be right to give us hell on other counts, +but you say you was a stranger and we didn’t take you in. What we want +to know is, Did you ever come to our parts to trade in mines or stock or +sich? If you _didn’t_, how the Devil _could_ we take you in? if you +_did_, it’s a darned lie, and an insult to our understanding to say we +_didn’t_.” + +But though the practical life out here is so veritably Christian, you +still hope that at any rate the creeds and doctrines are considerably +heterodox. I am sincerely sorry to be obliged to destroy this hope. In +the ordinary talk of the men continually recur the same or almost the +same expressions and implications of orthodox belief, as are so common +in your England, and throughout Christendom. Why such formulas are +generally used by men only, I have often been puzzled to explain: it may +be that the women, who in all lands attend divine service much more than +do the men, find ample expression of their faith in the set times and +places of public worship and private prayer; while the men, less +methodical, and demanding liberal scope, give it robust utterance +whenever and wherever they choose. These formulas, as you must have +often remarked, are most weighty and energetic; they avouch and avow the +supreme personages and mysteries and dogmas of their religion; they are +usually but brief ejaculations, in strong contrast to those long prayers +of the Pharisees which Jesus laughed to scorn; and they are often so +superfluous as regards the mere worldly meaning of the sentences in +which they appear, that it is evident they have been interjected simply +to satisfy the pious ardor of the speaker, burning to proclaim in season +and out of season the cardinal principles of his faith. I say speaker, +and not writer, because writing, being comparatively cold and +deliberate, seldom flames out in these sharp swift flashes, that leap +from living lips touched with coals of fire from the altar.(1) + + 1. Is it not time that we wrote such words as this damn at full + length, as did Emily Brontë, the Titaness, whom Charlotte justly + indicates in this as in other respects; instead of putting only + initial and final letters, with a hypocritical fig-leaf dash in + the middle, drawing particular attention to what it affects to + conceal? These words are in all men’s mouths, and many of them + are emphatically the leading words of the Bible. + +I am aware that these fervid ejaculations are apt to be regarded by the +light-minded as trivial, by the cold-hearted as indecorous, by the +sanctimonious as even profane; but to the true philosopher, whether he +be religious or not, they are pregnant with grave significance. For do +not these irrepressible utterances burst forth from the very depths of +the profound heart of the people? Are they not just as spontaneous and +universal as is the belief in God itself? Are they not among the most +genuine and impassioned words of mankind? Have they not a primordial +vigor and vitality? Are they not supremely of that voice of the people +which has been well called the voice of God? Thus when your Englishman +instead of “Strange!” says “The Devil!” instead of “Wonderful!” cries +“Good Heavens!” instead of “How startling!” exclaims “O Christ!” he does +more than merely express his emotions, his surprise, his wonder, his +amaze; he hallows it to the assertion of his belief in Satan, in the +good kingdom of God, in Jesus; and, moreover, by the emotional gradation +ranks with perfect accuracy the Devil lowest in the scale, the heavens +higher, Christ the loftiest. When another shouts “God damn you!”(1) he +not only condemns the evil of the person addressed; he also takes +occasion to avow his own strong faith in God and God’s judgment of +sinners. Similarly “God bless you!” implies that there is a God, and +that from him all blessings flow. How vividly does the vulgar hyperbole +“Infernally hot,” prove the general belief in hell-fire! And the phrase +“God knows!” not merely declares that the subject is beyond human +knowledge, but also that an all-wise God exists. Here in the West, as +before stated, such brief expressions of faith, which are so much more +sincere than long formularies repeated by rote in church, are quite as +common as in your England. When one has sharply rebuked or punished +another, he says “I gave him hell.” And that this belief in future +punishment pervades all classes is proved by the fact that even a +profane editor speaks of it as a matter of course. For the thermometer +having been stolen from his sanctum, the said worthy editor announced +that the mean cuss who took it might as well bring or send it back (no +questions asked) for it could not be of any use to him in the place he +was going to, as it only registered up to 212 degrees. The old notion +that hell or Hades is located in the middle of the earth (which may have +a scientific solution in the Plutonic theory that we dwell on the crust +of a baked dumpling full of fusion and confusion) is obviously tallied +by the miner’s assertion that his vein was true-fissure, reaching from +the grass-roots down to hell. The frequent phrase “A God-damned liar,” +“A God-damned thief,” recognise God as the punisher of the wicked. I +have heard a man complain of an ungodly headache, implying first, the +existence of God, and secondly, the fact that the Godhead does not ache, +or in other words is perfect. Countless other phrases of this kind might +be alleged, a few of them astonishingly vigorous and racy, for new +countries breed lusty new forms of speech; but the few already given +suffice for my present purpose. One remarkable comparison, however, I +cannot pass over without a word: it is common to say of a man who has +too much self-esteem, He thinks himself a little tin Jesus on wheels. It +is clear that some profound suggestion, some sacrosanct mystery, must +underlie this bold locution; but what I have been hitherto unable to +find out. The connexion between Jesus and tin may seem obvious to such +as know anything of bishops and pluralists, pious bankers and traders. +But what about the wheels? Have they any relation to the opening chapter +of Ezekiel? It is much to be wished that Max Müller, and all other such +great scholars, who (as I am informed, for it’s not I that would presume +to study them myself) manage to extract whatever noble mythological +meanings they want, from unintelligible Oriental metaphors and broken +phrases many thousand years old, would give a few years of their +superfluous time to the interpretation of this holy riddle. Do not, +gentleman, do not by all that is mysterious, leave it to the scholars of +millenniums to come; proceed to probe and analyse and turn it inside out +at once, while it is still young and flourishing, while the genius who +invented it is still probably alive, if he deceased not in his boots, as +decease so many gallant pioneers. + +And here, before afflicting you further, O much-enduring editor, let me +soothe you a little by stating that some particles of heresy, some few +heretics, are to be found even here. I have learned that into a very +good and respectable bookstore in a city of these regions, certain +copies of Taylor’s “Diegesis” have penetrated, who can say how? and that +some of these have been sold. A living judge has been heard to declare +that he couldn’t believe at all in the Holy Ghost outfit. It has also +been told me of a man who must have held strange opinions as to the +offspring of God the Father, though certainly this man was not a +representative pioneer, being but a German miner, fresh from the States. +This Dutchman (all Germans here are Dutch, doubtless from _Deutsche_, +the special claims of the Hollanders being ignored) was asked solemnly +by a clergyman, “Who died to save sinners?” and answered “Gott.” “What,” +said the pained and pious pastor, “don’t you know that it was Jesus the +_Son_ of God?” “Ah,” returned placidly the Dutchman, “it vass one of te +boys, vass it? I always dought it vass te olt man himselben.” This good +German may have been misled by the mention of the sons of God early in +Genesis, yet it is strange that he knew not that Jesus is the only son +of God, and our savior. A story is moreover told of two persons, of whom +the one boasted rather too often that he was a self-made man, and the +other at length quietly remarked that he was quite glad to hear it, as +it cleared God from the responsibility of a darned mean bit of work. +Whence some have inferred the heresy that God is the creator of only a +part of the universe; but I frankly confess that in my own opinion the +reply was merely a playful sarcasm. + +The most decided heresy which has come under my own observation was +developed in the course of a chat between two miners in a lager-beer +saloon and billiard-hall; into the which, it need scarcely be remarked, +I was myself solely driven by the fierce determination to carry out my +inquiries thoroughly. Bill was smoking, Dick was chewing; and they stood +up together, at rather rapidly decreasing intervals, for drinks of such +“fine old Bourbon” rye whiskey as bears the honorable popular title of +rot-gut. The frequency with which the drinking of alcoholic liquors +leads to impassioned and elevated discussion of great problems in +politics, history, dog-breeding, horse-racing, moral philosophy, +religion, and kindred important subjects, seems to furnish a strong and +hitherto neglected argument against tee-totalism. There are countless +men who can only be stimulated to a lively and outspoken interest in +intellectual questions by a series of convivial glasses and meditative +whiffs. If such men really take any interest in such questions at other +times, it remains deplorably latent, not exercising its legitimate +influence on the public opinion of the world. Our two boys were +discussing theology; and having had many drinks, grappled with the +doctrine of the triune God. “Wall,” said Bill, “I can’t make out that +trinity consam, that three’s one and one’s three outfit.” Whereto Dick: +“Is that so? Then you wam’t rigged out for a philosopher, Bill. Look +here,” pulling forth his revolver, an action which caused a slight stir +in the saloon, till the other boys saw that he didn’t mean business; +“look here, I’ll soon fix it up for you. Here’s six chambers, but it’s +only one pistol, with one heft and one barrel; the heft for us to catch +hold of, the barrel to kill our enemy. Wall, God a’mighty’s jest made +hisself a three-shooter, while he remains one God; but the Devil, he’s +only a single-shot deringer: so God can have three fires at the Devil +for one the Devil can have at him. Now can’t you figure it out?” “Wall,” +said Bill, evidently staggered by the revolver, and feeling, if +possible, increased respect for that instrument on finding it could be +brought to bear toward settlement of even such a difficulty as the +present; “Wall, that pans out better than I thought it could: but to +come down to the bedrock, either God’s a poor mean shot or his piece +carries darned light; for I reckon the Devil makes better play with his +one chamber than God with his three.” “Maybe,” replied Dick, with calm +candor, strangely indifferent to the appalling prospects this theory +held out for our universe; “some of them pesky little things jest shoot +peas that rile the other fellow without much hurting him, and then, by +thunder, he lets daylight through you with one good ball. Besides, it’s +likely enough the Devil’s the best shot, for he’s been consarned in a +devilish heap of shooting more than God has; at any rate”—perchance +vaguely remembering to have heard of such things as “religious wars”—“of +late years, between here and ’Frisco. Wall, I guess I don’t run the +creation. Let’s liquor;” manifestly deriving much comfort from the +consciousness that he had no hand in conducting this world. Bill +acquiesced with a brief “Ja,” and they stood up for another drink. I am +bound to attest that, in spite or because of the drinks, they had argued +throughout with the utmost deliberation and gravity, with a dignified +demeanour which Bishops and D.Ds. might envy, and ought to emulate. + +Having thus comforted you with what little of heresy and infidelity I +have been able to gather, it is now my painful duty to advance another +class of proofs of the general religiousness here; a class of which you +have very few current specimens in England, unless it be among the Roman +Catholics. All comparative mythologists—indeed, all students of +history—are said to agree that the popular legends and myths of any race +at any time are of the utmost value, as showing what the race then +believed, and thus determining its moral and intellectual condition at +that period; this value being quite irrespective of the truth or untruth +to fact of the said legends. Hence in modern times collections of old +traditions and fairy tales have been excellently well received, whether +from the infantile literature of ancient peoples, as the Oriental and +Norse, or from the senile and anile lips of secluded members of tribes +whose nationality is fast dying out, as the Gaelic and Welsh. And truly +such collections commend themselves alike to the grave and the frivolous +for the scientific scholar finds in them rich materials for serious +study, and the mere novel-reader can flatter himself that he is studying +while simply enjoying strange stories become new by extreme old age. All +primitive peoples, who read and write little, have their most popular +beliefs fluidly embodied in oral legends and myths; and in this respect +the settlers of a new region, though they may come from the oldest +countries, resemble the primitive peoples. They are too busy with the +tough work of subduing the earth to give much time to writing or reading +anything beyond their local newspapers; they love to chat together when +not working, and chat, much more than writing, runs into stories. Thus +religious legends in great numbers circulate out here, all charged and +surcharged with faith in the mythology of the Bible. Of these it has +been my sad privilege to listen to not a few. As this letter is already +too long for your paper, though very brief for the importance of its +theme, I will subjoin but a couple of them, which I doubt not will be +quite enough to indicate what measureless superstition prevails in these +youngest territories of the free and enlightened Republic. + +It is told—on what authority no one asks, the legend being universally +accepted on its intrinsic merits, as Protestants would have us accept +the Bible, and Papists their copious hagiology—that St. Joseph, the +putative father of our Lord, fell into bad habits, slipping almost daily +out of Heaven into evil society, coming home very late at night and +always more or less intoxicated. It is suggested that he may have been +driven into these courses by unhappiness in his connubial and parental +relations, his wife and her child being ranked so much above himself by +the Christian world, and the latter being quite openly attributed to +another father. Peter, though very irascible, put up with his misconduct +for a long time, not liking to be harsh to one of the Royal Family; and +it is believed that God the Father sympathised with this poor old +Joseph, and protected him, being himself jealous of the vastly superior +popularity of Mary and Jesus. But at length, after catching a violent +cold through getting out of bed at a preposterous hour to let the +staggering Joseph in, Peter told him roundly that if he didn’t come home +sober and in good time, he must just stay out all night. Joseph, feeling +sick and having lost his pile, promised amendment, and for a time kept +his word. Then he relapsed; the heavenly life proved too slow for him, +the continual howling of “all the menagerie of the Apocalypse” shattered +his nerves, he was disgusted at his own insignificance, the memory of +the _liaison_ between his betrothed and the Holy Ghost filled him with +gall and wormwood, and perhaps he suspected that it was still kept up. +So, late one night or early one morning Peter was roused from sleep by +an irregular knocking and fumbling at the gate, as if some stupid dumb +animal were seeking admittance. “Who’s there?” growled Peter. “It’s +me—Joseph,” hiccoughed the unfortunate. “You’re drunk,” said Peter, +savagely. + +“You’re on the tear again; you’re having another bender.” “Yes,” +answered Joseph, meekly. “Wall,” said Peter, “you jest go back to where +you come from, and spend the night there; get.” “I can’t,” said Joseph. +“They’re all shut up; they’ve turned me out.” “Then sleep outside in the +open air; it’s wholesome, and will bring you round,” said Peter. After +much vain coaxing and supplicating, old Joe got quite mad, and roared +out, “If you don’t get up and let me in at once, by God I’ll take my son +out of the outfit and bust up the whole consarn!” Peter, terrified by +this threat, which, if carried out, would ruin his prospects in eternal +life by abolishing his office of celestial porter, caved in, getting up +and admitting Joseph, who ever since has had a latch-key that he may go +and come when he pleases. It is to be hoped that he will never when +tight let this latch-key be stolen by one of the little devils who are +always lurking about the haunts of dissipation he frequents; for in that +case the consequences might be awful, as can be readily imagined. + +Again it is told that a certain miner, a tough cuss, who could whip his +weight in wild cats and give points to a grizzle, seemed uncommonly +moody and low-spirited one morning, and on being questioned by his chum, +at length confessed that he was bothered by a very queer dream. “I +dreamt that I was dead,” he explained; “and a smart spry pretty little +angel took me up to heaven.” “Dreams go by contraries,” suggested the +chum, by way of comfort. “Let that slide,” answered the dreamer; “the +point isn’t there. Wall, St. Peter wasn’t at the gate, and the angel +critter led me on to pay my respects to the boss, and after travelling +considerable we found him as thus. God the Father, God the Son, God the +Holy Ghost and Peter, all as large as life, were playing a high-toned +game of poker, and there was four heavy piles on the table—gold, not +shinplasters, you bet. I was kinder glad to see that they played poker +up in heaven, so as to make life there not on-bearable; for it would be +but poor fun singing psalms all day; I was never much of a hand at +singing, more particularly when the songs is psalms. Wall, we waited, +not liking to disturb their game, and I watched the play. I soon found +that Jesus Christ was going through the rest, cheating worse than the +heathen Chinee at euchre; but of course I didn’t say nothing, not being +in the game. After a while Peter showed that he began to guess it too, +if he wasn’t quite sure; or p’r’aps he was skeared at up and telling +Christ to his face. At last, however, what does Christ do, after a bully +bluff which ran Pete almost to his bottom dollar, but up and show five +aces to Pete’s call; and ‘What’s that for high?’ says he, quite cool. +‘Now look you, Christ,’ shouts Pete, jumping up as mad as thunder, and +not caring a cent or a continental what he said to anybody; ‘look you, +Christ, that’s too thin; we don’t want any of your darned miracles +here!’ and with that he grabbed up his pile and all his stakes, and went +off in a mighty huff. Christ looked pretty mean, I tell you, and the +game was up. Now you see,” said the dreamer, sadly and thoughtfully, +“it’s a hard rock to drill and darned poor pay at that, if when you have +a quiet hand at poker up there, the bosses are allowed to cheat and a +man can’t use his deringer or put a head on ’em; I don’t know but I’d +rather go to the other place on those terms.” Not yet to be read in +books, as I have intimated, but circulating orally, and in versions that +vary with the various rhapsodists, such are the legends you may hear +when a ring is formed round the hotel-office stove at night, in shanties +and shebangs of ranchmen and miners, in the shingled offices of judge +and doctor, in railroad cars and steamboats, or when bumming around the +stores; whenever and wherever, in short, men are gathered with nothing +particular to do. The very _naïveté_ of such stories surely testifies to +the child-like sincerity of the faith they express and nourish. It is +the simple unbounded faith of the Middle Ages, such as we find in the +old European legends and poems and mysteries, such as your poetess Mrs. +Browning well marks in Chaucer. + +Many of the so-called liberal clergy complain of the gulf which yawns in +this age of materialistic science between religion and every-day life, +in this world and the things are treated as mere thin abstractions, they +say; and only the lower things are recognised as real. These pious +pioneers, in the freshness and wonderfulness of their new life, overleap +this gulf without an effort, realising heaven as thoroughly as earth. +How could the communion and the human nature of saints be better +exhibited than in St. Joseph falling into dissipation and St. Peter +playing poker? How could the manhood as well as the Godhead of Jesus +Christ be more familiarly brought home to us than by his taking a hand +at this game and then miraculously cheating When generations have passed +away, if not earlier, such next, heaven + + “the infantine Familiar clasp of things divine.” + +The higher legends as these will assuredly be gathered by earnest and +reverent students as quite invaluable historical relics. They must fill +the Christian soul with delight; they must harrow the heart of him who +hath said in his heart, There is no God. + +In conclusion, I must again express my deep regret at being forced by +the spirit of truth to give you so favorable an account of the state of +religion out here, both in creed and practice. I trust that you will +lose no time and spare no exertion in attacking and, if possible, +routing out the Christianity now entrenched in these great natural +fortresses. Be your war-cry that of the first pioneers, “Pike’s Peak or +bust”; and be not like unto him found teamless half-way across the +plains, with the confession on his waggon-tilt, “Busted, by thunder.” +For you can come right out here by railroad now. As for myself, I +climbed wearily and with mortal pantings unto the top of this great +mountain, thinking it one of the best coigns of vantage whence to +command a comprehensive view of the sphere of my inquiries, and also a +spot where one might write without being interrupted or overlooked by +loafers. Unfortunately I have not been able to discover any special +religious or irreligious phænomena; for, though the prospect is indeed +ample where not intercepted by clouds or mist, very few of the people +and still fewer of their characteristics can be made out distinctly even +with a good glass. How I am to get down and post this letter puzzles me. +The descent will be difficult, dangerous, perhaps deadly. Would that I +had not come up. After all there is some truth in the Gospel narrative +of the Temptation: for by studying the general course of ecclesiastical +promotion and the characters of the most eminent churchmen, I was long +since led to recognise that it is indeed Satan who sets people on +pinnacles of the temple; and I am now moreover thoroughly convinced that +it is the Devil and the Devil only that takes any one to the top of an +exceeding high mountain. + + + + +THE STORY OF A FAMOUS OLD JEWISH FIRM + + +(1866.) + +Many thousand years ago, when the Jews first started in business, the +chief of their merchants was a venerable and irascible old gentleman +named Jah. The Jews have always been excellent traders, keen to scent +wealth, subtle to track it, unweary to pursue it, strong to seize it, +tenacious to hold it; and the most keen, subtle, untiring, strong, +tenacious of them all, was this Jah. The patriarchs of his people paid +him full measure of the homage which Jews have always eagerly paid to +wealth and power, and all their most important transactions were carried +out through him. In those antique times people lived to a very great +age, and Jah is supposed to have lived so many thousands of years that +one may as well not try to count them. Perhaps it was not one Jah that +existed all this while, but the house of Jah: the family, both for pride +and profit, preserving through successive generations the name of its +founder. Certain books have been treasured by the Jews as containing +exact records of the dealings of this lordly merchant (or house) both +with the Jews themselves and with strangers. Many people in our times, +however, have ventured to doubt the accuracy of these records, arguing +that some of the transactions therein recorded it would have been +impossible to transact, that others must have totally ruined the richest +of merchants, that the accounts often contradict each other, and that +the system of book-keeping generally is quite unworthy of a dealer so +truthful and clear-headed as Jah is affirmed to have been. The records +are so ancient in themselves, and they treat of matters so much more +ancient still, that it is not easy to find other records of any sort +with which to check their accounts. Strangely enough the most recent +researches have impugned the accuracy of the most ancient of these +records; certain leaves of a volume called the “Great Stone Book,” +having been brought forward to contradict the very first folio of the +ledger in which the dealings of Jah have been posted up according to the +Jews. It may be that the first few folios, like the early pages of most +annals, are somewhat mythical; and the present humble compiler (who is +not deep in the affairs of the primaeval world, and who, like the late +lamented Captain Cuttle with his large volume, is utterly knocked up at +any time by four or five lines of the “Great Stone Book”) will prudently +not begin at the beginning, but skip it with great comfort and pleasure, +especially as many and learned men are now earnest students of this +beginning. We will, therefore, if you please, take for granted the facts +that at some time, in some manner, Jah created his wonderful business, +and that early in his career he met with a great misfortune, being +compelled, by the villainy of all those with whom he had dealings to +resort to a wholesale liquidation, which left him so poor, that for some +time he had not a house in the world, and his establishment was reduced +to four male and as many female servants. + +He must have pretty well recovered from this severe shock when he +entered into the famous covenant or contract with Abraham and his heirs, +by which he bound himself to deliver over to them at a certain, then +distant, period, the whole of the valuable landed property called +Canaan, on condition that they should appoint him the sole agent for the +management of their affairs. In pursuance of this contract, he conducted +that little business of the flocks and herds for Jacob against one +Laban; and afterwards, when the children of Abraham were grown very +numerous, he managed for them that other little affair, by which they +spoiled the Egyptians of jewels of silver and jewels of gold; and it is +even asserted that he fed and clothed the family for no less than forty +years in a country where the commissariat was a service of extreme +difficulty. + +At length the time came when he was to make over to them the Land of +Canaan, for this purpose evicting the several families then in +possession thereof. The whole of the covenanted estate he never did make +over to them, but the Jews freely admit that this was through their own +fault. They held this land as mortgaged to him, he pledging himself not +to foreclose while they dealt with him faithfully and fulfilled all the +conditions of the covenant. They were to pay him ten per cent, per annum +interest, with sundry other charges, to put all their affairs into his +hands, to have no dealings whatsoever with any rival merchants, etc., +etc. Under this covenant the Jews continued in possession of the fine +little property of Canaan for several hundred years, and they assert +that this same Jah lived and conducted his business throughout the whole +period. But, as I have ventured to suggest, the long existence of the +house of Jah may have been the sum total of the lives of a series of +individual Jahs. The Jews could not have distinguished the one from the +other; for it is a strange fact that Jah himself, they admit, was never +seen. Perhaps he did not affect close contact with Jews. Perhaps he +calculated that his power over them would be increased by mystery; this +is certain, that he kept himself wholly apart from them in his private +office, so that no one was admitted even on business. It is indeed +related that one Moses (the witness to the execution of the covenant) +caught a glimpse of him from behind, but this glimpse could scarcely +have sufficed for identification; and it is said, also, that at certain +periods the chief of the priesthood was admitted to consultation with +him; but although his voice was then heard, he did not appear in +person—only the shadow of him was seen, and everyone will allow that a +shadow is not the best means of identification. And in further support +of my humble suggestion it may be noted that in many and important +respects the later proceedings attributed to Jah differ extremely in +character from the earlier; and this difference cannot be explained as +the common difference between the youth and maturity and senility of one +and the same man, for we are expressly assured that Jah was without +change—by which we are not to understand that either through +thoughtlessness or parsimony he never had small cash in his pocket for +the minor occasions of life; but that he was stubborn in his will, +unalterable in his ideas, persistent in his projects and plans. + +The records of his dealings at home with the Jews, and abroad with the +Egyptians, the Assyrians, the Philistines, the Babylonians, the +Persians, the Edomites, and other nations, as kept by the Jews +themselves, are among the strangest accounts of a large general business +which have ever been put down in black on white. And in nothing are they +more strange than in the unsullied candor with which the Jews always +admit and proclaim that it was their fault, and by no means the fault of +Jah, whenever the joint business went badly, and narrate against +themselves the most astonishing series of frauds and falsehoods, showing +how they broke the covenant, and attempted to cheat the other party in +every imaginable way, and, in order to ruin his credit, conspired with +foreign adventurers of the worst character—such as MM. Baal, Ashtaroth, +and Moloch. Jah, who gave many proofs of a violent and jealous temper, +and who was wont to sell up other debtors in the most heartless way, +appears to have been very patient and lenient with these flagitious +Jews. Yet with all his kindness and long-suffering he was again and +again forced to put executions into their houses, and throw themselves +into prison; and at length, before our year One, having, as it would +seem, given up all hope of making them deal honestly with him, he had +put certain strict Romans in possession of the property to enforce his +mortgage and other rights. + +And now comes a sudden and wonderful change in the history of this +mysterious Jah. Whether it was the original Jah, who felt himself too +old to conduct the immense business alone, or whether it was some +successor of his, who had not the same self-reliance and imperious will, +one cannot venture to decide; but we all know that it was publicly +announced, and soon came to be extensively believed, that Jah had taken +unto himself two partners, and that the business was thenceforth to be +carried on by a firm, under the style of Father, Son, and Co. It is +commonly thought that history has more of certainty as it becomes more +recent; but unfortunately in the life of Jah, uncertainty grows ten +times more uncertain when we attain the period of this alleged +partnership, for the Jews deny it altogether; and of those who believe +in it not one is able to define its character, or even to state its +possibility in intelligible language. The Jews assert roundly that the +alleged partners are a couple of vile impostors, that Jah still conducts +his world-wide business alone, that he has good reasons (known only to +himself) for delaying the exposure of these pretenders; and that, +however sternly he has been dealing with the Jews for a long time past, +and however little they may seem to have improved so as to deserve +better treatment, he will yet be reconciled to them, and restore them to +possession of their old land, and exalt them above all their rivals and +enemies, and of his own free will and absolute pleasure burn and destroy +every bond of their indebtedness now in his hands. And in support of +these modest expectations they can produce a bundle of documents which +they assert to be his promissory notes, undoubtedly for very large +amounts; but which, being carefully examined, turn out to be all framed +on this model: “I, the above-mentioned A. B.” (an obscure or utterly +unknown Jew, supposed to have lived about three thousand years ago), +“hereby promise in the name of Jah, that the said Jah shall in some +future year unknown, pay unto the house of Israel the following amount, +that is to say, etc.” If we ask, Where is the power of attorney +authorising this dubious A. B. to promise this amount in the name of +Jah? the Jews retort: “If you believe in the partnership, you must +believe in such power, for you have accepted all the obligations of the +old house, and have never refused to discount its paper: if you believe +neither in Jah nor in the partnership, you are a wretch utterly without +faith, a commercial outlaw.” In addition, however, to these remarkable +promissory notes, the Jews rely upon the fact that Jah, in the midst of +his terrible anger, has still preserved some kindness for them. He +threatened many pains and penalties upon them for breach of the +covenant, and many of these threats he has carried out; but the most +cruel and horrific of all he has not had the heart to fulfil: they have +been oppressed and crushed, strangers have come into their landed +property, they have been scattered among all peoples, a proverb and a +by-word of scorn among the nations, their religion has been accursed, +their holy places are defiled, but the crowning woe has been spared them +(Deut. xxviii., 44); never yet has it come to pass that the stranger +should lend to them, and they should not lend to the stranger. There is +yet balm in Gilead, a rose of beauty in Sharon, and a cedar of majesty +on Lebanon; the Jew still lends to the stranger, and does not borrow +from him, except as he “borrowed” from the Egygtian—and the interest on +money lent is still capable, with judicious treatment, of surpassing the +noble standard of “shent per shent.” + +And even among the Gentiles there are some who believe that Jah is still +the sole head of the house, and that the pair who are commonly accounted +junior partners are in fact only superior servants, the one a sort of +manager, the other general superintendent and agent, though Jah may +allow them a liberal commission on the profits, as well as a fixed +salary. + +—But the commercial world of Europe, in general, professes to believe +that there is a _bona fide_ partnership, and that the three partners +have exactly equal authority and interest in the concern; that, in fact, +there is such thorough identity in every respect that the three may, and +ought to be, for all purposes of business, considered as one. The second +partner, they say, is really the son of Jah; though Jah, with that +eccentricity which has ever abundantly characterised his proceedings, +had this son brought up as a poor Jewish youth, apparently the child of +a carpenter called Joseph, and his wife Mary. Joseph has little or no +influence with the firm, and we scarcely hear of a transaction done +through him, but Mary has made the most profitable use of her old +_liaison_ with Jah, and the majority of those who do business with the +firm seek her good offices, and pay her very liberal commissions. Those +who do not think so highly of her influence, deal with the house chiefly +through the son, and thus it has come to pass that poor Jah is virtually +ousted from his own business. He and the third partner are little more +than sleeping partners, while his mistress and her son manage every +affair of importance. + +This state of things seems somewhat unfair to Jah; yet one must own that +there are good reasons for it. Jah was a most haughty and humorous +gentleman, extremely difficult to deal with, liable to sudden fits of +rage, wherein he maltreated friends and foes alike, implacable when once +offended, a desperately sharp shaver in the bargain, a terrible fellow +for going to law. The son was a much more kindly personage, very affable +and pleasant in conversation, willing and eager to do a favor to any +one, liberal in promises even beyond his powers of performance, fond of +strangers, and good to the poor; and his mother, with or without reason, +is credited with a similar character. Moreover, Jah always kept himself +invisible, while the son and mother were possibly seen, during some +years, by a large number of persons; and among those who have never seen +them their portraits are almost as popular as photographs of the Prince +and Princess of Wales. + +With the real or pretended establishment of the Firm, a great change +took place in the business of Jah. This business had been chiefly with +the Jews, and even when it extended to foreign transactions, these were +all subordinate to the Jewish trade. But the Firm lost no time in +proclaiming that it would deal with the whole world on equal terms: no +wonder the Jews abhor the alleged partners! And the nature of the +contracts, the principal articles of trade, the mode of keeping the +accounts, the commission and interest charged and allowed, the salaries +of the agents and clerks, the advantages offered to clients, were all +changed too. The head establishment was removed from Jerusalem to Rome, +and branch establishments were gradually opened in nearly all the towns +and villages of Europe, besides many in Asia and Africa, and afterwards +in America and Australia. It is worth noting that in Asia and Africa +(although the firm arose in the former) the business has never been +carried on very successfully; Messrs. Brahma, Vishnu, Seeva, and Co., +the great houses of Buddha and Mumbo Jumbo, various Parsee firms, and +other opposition houses, having among them almost monopolised the trade. + +The novel, distinctive, and most useful article which the Firm engaged +to supply was a bread called _par excellence_ the Bread of Life. The +Prospectus (which was first drafted, apparently in perfect good faith, +by the Son; but which has since been so altered and expanded by +successive agents that we cannot learn what the original, no longer +extant, exactly stated) sets forth that the House of Jah, Son and Co. +has sole possession of the districts yielding the corn whereof this +bread is made, the sole patents of the mills for grinding and ovens for +baking, and that it alone has the secret of the proper process for +kneading. The Firm admits that many other houses have pretended to +supply this invaluable bread, but accuses them all of imposture or +poisonous adulteration. For itself, it commands the genuine supply in +such quantities that it can under take to feed the whole world, and at +so cheap a rate that the poorest will be able to purchase as much as he +needs; and, moreover, as the firm differs essentially from all other +firms in having no object in view save the benefit of its customers, the +partners being already so rich that no profits could add to their +wealth, it will supply the bread for mere love to those who have not +money! + +This fair and beautiful prospectus, you will easily believe, brought +vast multitudes eager to deal with the firm, and especially large +multitudes of the poor, ravished with the announcement that love should +be henceforth current coin of the realm; and the business spread +amazingly. But at the very outset a sad mischance occurred. The Son, by +far the best of the partners, was suddenly seized and murdered and +buried by certain agents of the old Jewish business (furious at the +prospect of losing all their rich trade), with the connivance of the +Roman installed as inspector. At least, these wretches thought they had +murdered the poor man, and it is admitted on every side that they buried +him: but the dependants of the Firm have a strange story that he was not +really killed, but arose out of his tomb after lying there for three +days, and slipped away to keep company with his father, the invisible +Jah, in his exceedingly private office; and they assert that he is still +alive along with Jah, mollifying the old man when he gets into one of +his furious passions, pleading for insolvent debtors, and in all things +by act and counsel doing good for all the clients of the house. They, +moreover, assert that the third partner, who as the consoling substitute +for the absent Son is commonly called the Comforter, and who is very +energetic, though mysteriously invisible in his operations, superintends +all the details of the business in every one of the establishments. But +this third partner is so difficult to catch, that, as stated before, the +majority of the customers deal with the venerable mother, as the most +accessible and humane personage belonging to the house. + +Despite the death or disappearance of the Son, the firm prospered for a +considerable time. After severe competition, in which neither side +showed itself very scrupulous, the great firm of Jupiter and Co., the +old Greek house, which had been strengthened by the amalgamation of the +wealthiest Roman firms, was utterly beaten from the field, sold up and +extinguished. In the sale of the effects many of the properties in most +demand were bought in by the new firm, which also took many of the +clerks and agents into its employment, and it is even said adopted in +several important respects the mode of carrying on business and the +system of book-keeping. But while the firm was thus conquering its most +formidable competitor, innumerable dissensions were arising between its +own branch establishments; every one accusing every other of dealing on +principles quite hostile to the regulations instituted by the head of +the house, of falsifying the accounts, and of selling an article which +was anything but the genuine unadulterated bread. There were also +interminable quarrels among them as to relative rank and importance. + +And whether the wheat, as delivered to the various establishments, was +or was not the genuine article which the firm had contracted to supply, +it was soon discovered that it issued from the licensed shops +adulterated in the most audacious manner. And, although the prospectus +had stated most positively that the bread should be delivered to the +poor customers of the firm without money and without price (and such +seems really to have been the good Son’s intention), it was found, in +fact, that the loaves, when they reached the consumer, were at least as +costly as ever loaves of any kind of bread had been. It mattered little +that the wheat was not reckoned in the price, when agents’, +commissioners’, messengers’ fees, bakers’ charges, and a hundred items, +made the price total so enormous. When, at length, the business was +flourishing all over Europe, it was the most bewildering confusion of +contradictions that, perhaps, was ever known in the commercial world. +For in all the establishments the agents professed and very solemnly +swore that they dealt on principles opposed and infinitely superior to +the old principles of trade; yet their proceedings (save that they +christened old things with new names) were identical with those which +had brought to shameful ruin the most villainous old firms. The +sub-managers, who were specially ordered to remain poor while in the +business, and for obedience were promised the most splendid pensions +when superannuated, all became rich as princes by their exactions from +the clients of the house; the agents, who were especially commanded to +keep the peace, were ever stirring up quarrels and fighting ferociously, +not only with opposition agents but with one another. The accounts, +which were to be regulated by the most honest and simple rules, were +complicated in a lawless system, which no man could understand, and +falsified to incredible amounts, to the loss of the customers, without +being to the gain of the firm. In brief, each establishment was like one +of those Chinese shops where the most beautiful and noble maxims of +justice and generosity are painted in gilt letters outside, while the +most unblushing fraud and extortion are practised inside. When poor +customers complained of these things, they were told that the system was +perfect, that the evils were all from the evil men who conducted the +business! but the good people did not further explain how the perfection +of the system could ever be realised, since it must always be worked by +imperfect men. Complainants thus mildly and vaguely answered were very +fortunate; others, in places where the firm was very powerful, were +answered by imprisonment or false accusations, or by being pelted and +even murdered by mobs. Many who thought the bread badly baked were +themselves thrust into the fire. + +Yet so intense is the need of poor men for some bread of life, so +willing are simple men to believe fair promises, that, in spite of the +monstrous injustice and falsehood and cruelty and licentiousness of the +managers and submanagers and agents of the firm, the business continued +to flourish, and all the wealth of Europe flowed into its coffers. And +generations passed ere some persons bethought them to think seriously of +the original Deed of Partnership and the fundamental principles of the +Firm. These documents, which had been carefully confined in certain old +dead languages which few of the customers could read, were translated +into vulgar tongues, which all could read or understand when read, and +everyone began studying them for himself. This thinking of essentials, +which is so rare a thought among mankind, has already produced +remarkable effects, ana promises to produce effects yet more remarkable +in a short time. + +Behold a few of the questions which this study of the first documents +has raised.—The Father, whom no one has seen, is there indeed such a +personage? The Son, whom certainly no one has seen for eighteen hundred +years, did he really come to life again after being brutally murdered? +The junior partner, whom no one has ever seen, the Comforter, is he a +comforter made of the wool of a sheep that never was fleeced? The +business, as we see it, merely uses the names, and would be precisely +the same business if these names covered no personages. Do the managers +and submanagers really carry it on for their own profit, using these +high names to give dignity to their rascality, and to make poor people +believe that they have unbounded capital at their back? One is punished +for defamation of character if he denies the existence of the partners, +yet not the very chief of all the managers pretends to have seen any of +the three! + +And the vaunted Bread of Life, wherein does it differ from the old +corn-of-Ceres bread, from the baking of the wheat of Mother Hertha? +Chiefly in this, that it creates much more wind on the stomach. It is +not more wholesome, nor more nourishing, and certainly not more cheap: +and it does us little good to be told that it would be if the accredited +agents were honest and supplied it pure, when we are told, at the same +time, that we must get it through these agents. It is indeed affirmed +that, in an utterly unknown region beyond the Black Sea, the genuine +wheat may be seen growing by any one who discovers the place; but, as no +one who ever crossed the sea on a voyage of discovery ever returned, the +assertion rests on the bare word of people who have never seen the +corn-land any more than they have seen the partners of the firm; and +their word is bare indeed, for it has been stripped to shame in a +thousand affairs wherein it could be brought to the test. They tell us +also that we shall all in time cross the Black Sea, and if we have been +good customers shall dwell evermore in that delightful land, with +unlimited supplies of the bread gratis. This may be true, but how do +they know? It may be true that in the sea we shall all get drowned for +ever. + +These and similar doubts which, in many minds, have hardened into +positive disbelief, are beginning to affect seriously the trade of the +firm. But its interests are now so inextricably bound up with the +interests of thousands and millions of well-to-do and respectable +people, and on its solvency or apparent solvency depends that of so +large a number of esteemed merchants, that we may expect the most +desperate struggles to postpone its final bankruptcy. In the great Roman +establishment the manager has been supported for many years by +charitable contributions from every one whom he could persuade to give +or lend, and now he wants to borrow much more. The superintendent of the +shops in London is in these days begging for ten hundred thousand pounds +to assist the poor firm in its difficulties. + +It seems a good sum of money; but, bless you, it is but a drop in the +sea compared with what the business has already absorbed, and is still +absorbing. Scattered shops in the most distant countries have only been +sustained for many years by alms from customers here. The barbarians +won’t eat the bread, but the bakers sent out must have their salaries. A +million of pounds are being begged here; and people (who would prosecute +a mendicant of halfpence) will give it no doubt! Yet, O worthy manager +of the London Shops, one proved loaf of the real Bread would be +infinitely more valuable, and would infinitely more benefit your firm! +The villainy of the agents was monstrous, generation after generation, +the cost of that which was promised without money and without price was +ruinous for centuries; but not all the villainy and extortion multiplied +a hundredfold could drive away the poor hungry customers while they had +faith in the genuineness of the bread. It was the emptiness and the wind +on the stomach after much eating, which raised the fatal doubts as to +the _bona fides_ of the whole concern. The great English managers had +better ponder this; for at present they grope in the dark delusion that +more and better bakers salaried with alms, and new shops opened with +eleemosynary funds will bring customers to buy their bran cakes as +wheaten loaves. A very dark delusion, indeed! If the pure promised bread +cannot be supplied, no amount of money will keep the business going very +long. Consider what millions on millions of pounds have been subscribed +already, what royal revenues are pouring in still; all meant for +investment in wholesome and nourishing food, but nearly all realised in +hunger and emptiness, heartburn and flatulence. The old Roman shrewdly +calculated that the House of Olympus would prove miserably insolvent if +its affairs were wound up, if it tried honestly to pay back all the +deposits of its customers. As for this more modern firm, one suspects +that, in like case, it would prove so insolvent that it could not pay a +farthing in the pound. For Olympus was a house that dealt largely in +common worldly goods, and of these things really did give a considerable +quantity to its clients for their money; but the new firm professed to +sell things infinitely more valuable, and of these it cannot prove the +delivery of a single parcel during the eighteen hundred years it has +been receiving purchase-money unlimited. + +The humble compiler of this rapid and imperfect summary ought, perhaps, +to give his own opinion of the firm and the partners, although he +suffers under the disadvantage of caring very little for the business, +and thinks that far too much time is wasted by both the friends and the +enemies of the house in investigation of every line and figure in its +books. He believes that Jah, the grand Jewish dealer, was a succession +of several distinct personages; and will probably continue to believe +thus until he learns that there was but one Pharaoh King of Egypt, but +one Bourbon King of France, and that the House of Rothschild has always +been one and the same man. He believes that the Son was by no means the +child of the Father, that he was a much better character than the +Father, that he was really and truly murdered, that his prospectus and +business plans were very much more wise and honest and good than the +prospectus as we have it now, and the system as it has actually been +worked. He believes that the Comforter has really had a share in this as +in every other business not wholly bad in the world, that he has never +identified his interests with those of any firm, that specially he never +committed himself to a partnership of unlimited liability with the +Hebrew Jah, that he undoubtedly had extensive dealings with the Son, and +placed implicit confidence in him while a living man, and that he will +continue to deal profitably and bountifully with men long after the firm +has become bankrupt and extinct. He believes that the corn of the true +bread of life is sown and grown, reaped, ground, kneaded, baked and +eaten on this side of the Black Sea. He believes that no firm or company +whatever, with limited or unlimited liability, has the monopoly for the +purveyance of this bread, that no charters can confer such monopoly, +that the bread is only to be got pure by each individual for himself, +and that no two individuals of judgment really like it prepared in +exactly the same fashion, but that unfortunately (as his experience +compels him to believe) the bulk of mankind will always in the future no +less than in the past persist in endeavoring to procure it through great +chartered companies, finally, he believes that the worthy chief baker in +London with his million of money is extremely like the worthy Mrs. +Partington with her mop against the Atlantic. + + + + +CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE UPPER CIRCLES + + +(1866.) + +Poor dear God sat alone in his private chamber, moody, melancholy, +miserable, sulky, sullen, weary, dejected, supenally hipped. It was the +evening of Sunday, the 24th of December, 1865. Waters continually +dripping wear away the hardest stone; year falling after year will at +length overcome the strongest god: an oak-tree outlasts many generations +of men; a mountain or a river outlasts many celestial dynasties. A cold +like a thick fog in his head, rheum in his eyes, and rheumatism in his +limbs and shoulders, his back bent, his chin peaked, his poll bald, his +teeth decayed, his body all shivering, his brain all muddle, his heart +all black care; no wonder the old gentleman looked poorly as he cowered +there, dolefully sipping his Lachryma Christi. “I wish the other party +would lend me some of his fire,” he muttered, “for it is horribly frigid +up here.” The table was crowded and the floor littered with books and +documents, all most unreadable reading: missionary reports, +controversial divinity, bishops’ charges, religious periodicals, papal +allocutions and encyclical letters, minutes of Exeter Hall meetings, +ponderous blue books from the angelic bureaux—dreary as the humor of +_Punch_, silly as the critiques of the _Times_, idiotic as the poetry of +_All the Year Round_. When now and then he eyed them askance he +shuddered more shockingly, and looked at his desk with loathing despair. +For he had gone through a hard day’s work, with extra services +appropriate to the sacred season; and for the ten-thousandth time he had +been utterly knocked up and bewildered by the Athanasian Creed. + +While he sat thus, came a formal tap at the door, and his son entered, +looking sublimely good and respectable, pensive with a pensiveness on +which one grows comfortably fat. “Ah, my boy,” said the old gentleman, +“you seem to get on well enough in these sad times: come to ask my +blessing for your birthday _fête_?” “I fear that you are not well, my +dear father; do not give way to dejection, there was once a man— + +“O, dash your parables! keep them for your disciples; they are not too +amusing. Alack for the good old times!” “The wicked old times you mean, +my father; the times when we were poor, and scorned, and oppressed; the +times when heathenism and vain philosophy ruled everywhere in the world. +Now, all civilised realms are subject to us, and worship us.” “And +disobey us. You are very wise, much wiser than your old worn-out father; +yet perchance a truth or two comes to me in solitude, when it can’t +reach you through the press of your saints, and the noise of your +everlasting preaching and singing and glorification. You know how I +began life, the petty chief of a villainous tribe. But I was passionate +and ambitious, subtle and strong-willed, and, in spite of itself, I made +my tribe a nation; and I fought desperately against all the surrounding +chiefs, and with pith of arm and wile of brain I managed to keep my head +above water. But I lived all alone, a stern and solitary existence. None +other of the gods was so friendless as I; and it is hard to live alone +when memory is a sea of blood. I hated and despised the Greek Zeus and +his shameless court; yet I could not but envy him, for a joyous life the +rogue led. So I, like an old fool, must have my amour; and a pretty +intrigue I got into with the prim damsel Mary! Then a great thought +arose in me: men cannot be loyal to utter aliens; their gods must be +human on one side, divine on the other; my own people were always +deserting me to pay homage to bastard deities. I would adopt you as my +own son (between ourselves, I have never been sure of the paternity), +and admit you to a share in the government. Those infernal Jews killed +you, but the son of a God could not die; you came up hither to dwell +with me; I the old absolute king, you the modern tribune of the people. +Here you have been ever since; and I don’t mind telling you that you +were a much more loveable character below there as the man Jesus than +you have proved above here as the Lord Christ. As some one was needed on +earth to superintend the executive, we created the Comforter, prince +royal and plenipotentiary; and behold us a divine triumvirate! The new +blood was, I must own, beneficial. We lost Jerusalem, but we won Rome; +Jove, Neptune, Apollo, Bacchus, and the rest, were conquered and slain; +our leader of the opposition ejected Pluto and Pan. Only I did not +bargain that my mistress should more than succeed to Juno, who was, at +any rate, a lawful wife. You announced that our empire was peace; you +announced likewise that it was war; both have served us. Our power +extended, our glory rose; the chief of a miserable tribe has become +emperor of Europe. But our empire was to be the whole world; yet instead +of signs of more dominion, I see signs that what we have is falling to +pieces. From my youth up I have been a man of war; and now that I am old +and weary and wealthy, and want peace, peace flies from me. Have we not +shed enough blood? Have we not caused enough tears? Have we not kindled +enough fires? And in my empire what am I? Yourself and my mistress share +all the power between you; I am but a name at the head of our +proclamations. I have been a man of war, I am setting old and worn out, +evil days are at hand, and I have never enjoyed life; therefore is my +soul vexed within me. And my own subjects are as strangers. Your darling +saints I cannot bear. The whimpering, simpering, canting, chanting +blockheads! You were always happy in a pious miserableness, and you do +not foresee the end. Do you know that in spite of our vast possessions +we are as near bankruptcy as Spain or Austria? Do you know that our +innumerable armies are a Chinese rabble of cowards and traitors? Do you +know that our legitimacy (even if yours were certain) will soon avail us +as little as that of the Bourbons has availed them? Of these things you +are ignorant: you are so deafened with shouts and songs in your own +praise that you never catch a whisper of doom. I would not quail if I +had youth to cope with circumstance; none can say honestly that I ever +feared a foe; but I am so weak that often I could not walk without +leaning on you. Why did I draw out my life to this ignominious end? Why +did I not fall fighting like the enemies I overcame? Why the devil did +you get born at all, and then murdered by those rascally Jews, that I +who was a warrior should turn into a snivelling saint? The heroes of +Asgard have sunk into a deeper twilight than they foresaw; but their +sunset, fervent and crimson with blood and with wine, made splendid that +dawnless gloaming. The joyous Olympians have perished, but they all had +lived and loved. For me, I have subsisted and hated. What of time is +left to me I will spend in another fashion. Let us eat and drink, for +to-morrow we die.” And he swallowed hastily a bumper of the wine, which +threw him into convulsions of coughing. + +Serene and superior the son had let the old man run on. “Do not, I +entreat you, take to drink in your old age, dear father. You say that +our enemies lived and loved; but think how unworthy of divine rulers was +their mode of life, how immoral, how imprudent, how disreputable, how +savage, how lustful, how un-Chris-tian! What a bad example for poor +human souls!” “Human souls be blessed! Are they so much improved now?... +Would that at least I had conserved Jove’s barmaid; the prettiest, +pleasantest girl they say (we know you are a Joseph, though you always +had three or four women dangling about you); fair-ankled was the wench, +bright-limbed; she might be unto me even as was Abishag, the Shunammite, +unto my old friend David.” “Let us speak seriously, my father, of the +great celebration to-morrow.” “And suppose I _am_ speaking very +seriously, you solemn prig; not a drop of my blood is there in you.” + +Here came a hurried knocking at the door, and the angelic ministers of +state crawled in, with super-elaborate oriental cringings, to deliver +their daily reports. “Messages from Brahma, Ormuzd, etc., to +congratulate on the son’s birthday.” “The infidels! the mockers!” +muttered the son. “Good words,” said the father; “they belong to older +families than ours, my lad, and were once much more powerful. You are +always trying to win over the parvenus.” “A riot in the holy city. The +black angels organised to look after the souls of converted negroes +having a free fight with some of the white ones. My poor lambs!” sighed +the son. “Black sheep,” growled the father; “what is the row?” “They +have plumed themselves brighter than peacocks, and scream louder than +parrots; claim precedence over the angels of the mean whites; insist on +having some of their own hymns and tunes in the programme of to-morrow’s +concert.” “Lock’em all up, white and black, especially the black, till +Tuesday morning; they can fight it out then—it’s Boxing Day. Well have +quite enough noise to-morrow without ’em. Never understood the nigger +question, for my part: was a slave-holder myself, and cursed Ham as much +as pork.” “New saints grumbling about lack of civilised accommodation: +want underground railways, steamers for the crystal sea, telegraph wires +to every mansion, morning and evening newspapers, etc., etc,; have had a +public meeting with a Yankee saint in the chair, and resolved that +heaven is altogether behind the age.” “Confound it, my son, have I not +charged you again and again to get some saints of ability up here? For +years past every batch has been full of good-for-nothing noodles. Have +we no engineers, no editors at all.” “One or two engineers, we believe, +sire, but we can’t find a single editor.” “Give one of the _Record_ +fellows the measles, and an old _l’Univers_ hand the cholera, and bring +them up into glory at once, and we’ll have two daily papers. And while +you are about it, see whether you can discover three or four pious +engineers—not muffs, mind—and blow them up hither with their own +boilers, or in any other handy way. Haste, haste, post haste!” +“Deplorable catastrophe in the temple of the New Jerusalem: a large part +of the foundation given way, main wall fallen, several hundred workmen +bruised.” “Stop that fellow who just left; countermand the measles, the +cholera will be enough; we will only have one journal, and that must be +strictly official. If we have two, one will be opposition. Hush up the +accident. It is strange that Pandemonium was built so much better and +more quickly than our New Jerusalem!” “All our best architects and other +artists have deserted into Elysium, my lord; so fond of the company of +the old Greeks.” + +When these and many other sad reports had been heard, and the various +ministers and secretaries savagely dismissed, the father turned to the +son and said: “Did I not tell you of the evil state we are in?” “By hope +and faith and charity, and the sublime doctrine of self-renunciation, +all will yet come right, my father.” “Humph! let hope fill my treasury, +and faith finish the New Jerusalem, and charity give us peace and +quietness, and self-renunciation lead three-quarters of your new-fangled +saints out of heaven; and then I shall look to have a little comfort.” +“Will you settle to-morrow’s programme, sire? or shall I do my best to +spare you the trouble?” “You do your best to spare me the trouble of +reigning altogether, I think. What programme can there be but the old +rehearsal for the eternal life (I wish you may get it)? O, that horrible +slippery sea of glass, that bedevilled throne vomiting thunders and +lightning, those stupid senile elders in white nightgowns, those four +hideous beasts full of eyes, that impossible lamb with seven horns and +one eye to each horn! O, the terrific shoutings and harpings and +stifling incense! A pretty set-out for my time of life I And to think +that you hope some time or other to begin this sort of thing as a daily +amusement, and to carry it on for ever and ever! Not much appearance of +its beginning soon, thank goodness—that is to say,, thank badness. Why +can’t you have a play of Aristophanes, or Shakespeare, or Molière? Why +should I meddle with the programme? I had nothing to do with first +framing it. Besides, it is all in your honor, not in mine. You like +playing the part of the Lamb; I’m much more like an old wolf. You are +ravished when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks; as for me, +I am utterly sick of them. Behold what I will do; I must countenance the +affair, but I can do so without disturbing myself. I’ll not go +thundering and roaring in my state-carriage of the whirlwind; I’ll slip +there in a quiet cloud. You can’t do without my glory, but it really is +too heavy for my aged shoulders; you may lay it upon the throne; it will +look just as well. As for my speech, here it is all ready written out; +let Mercury, I mean Raphael or Uriel, read it; I can’t speak plainly +since I lost so many teeth. And now I consider the matter, what need is +there for my actual presence at all? Have me there in effigy; a noble +and handsome dummy can wear the glory with grace* Mind you have a +handsome one; I wish all the artists had not deserted us. Your pious +fellows make sad work of us, my son. But then their usual models are so +ugly; your saints have good reason to speak of their vile bodies. How is +it that all the pretty girls slip away to the other place, poor +darlings? By the bye, who are going on this occasion to represent the +twelve times twelve thousand of the tribes of Israel? Is the boy Mortara +dead yet? He will make one real Jew.” “We are converting them, sire.” +“Not the whole gross of thousands yet, I trust? Faugh! what a greasy +stench there would be—what a blazing of Jew jewelry! + +“Hand me the latest bluebook, with the reports.... + +“Ah, I see; great success! Power of the Lord Christ! (always you, of +course). Society flourishing. Eighty-two thousand pounds four shillings +and twopence three-farthings last year from Christians aroused to the +claims of the lost sheep of the House of Israel. (Very good.) Five +conversions!! Three others have already been persuaded to eat pork +sausages. (Better and better.) One, who drank most fervently of the +communion wine suffered himself to be treated to an oyster supper. +Another, being greatly moved, was heard to ejaculate, ‘O, Christ!’... +Hum, who are the five? Moses Isaacs: wasn’t he a Christian ten years ago +in Italy, and afterwards a Mahommedan in Salonica, and afterwards a Jew +in Marseilles? This Mussulman is your oyster-man, I presume? You will +soon get the one hundred and forty-four thousand at this rate, my son! +and cheap too!” + +He chuckled, and poured out another glass of Lachryma Christi; drank it, +made a wry face, and then began coughing furiously. “Poor drink this for +a god in his old age. Odin and Jupiter fared better. Though decent for a +human tipple, for a divinity it is but _ambrosie stygiale_, as my dear +old favorite chaplain would call it. I have his devotional works under +lock and key there in my desk. _Apropos_, where is he? Left us again for +a scurry through the more jovial regions? I have not seen him for a long +time.” “My father! really, the words he used, the life he led; so +corrupting for the young saints! We were forced to invite him to travel +a little for the benefit of his health. The court _must_ be kept pure, +you know.” “Send for him instantly, sir. He is out of favor because he +likes the old man and laughs at your saints, because he can’t cant and +loves to humbug the humbugs. Many a fit of the blues has he cured for +me, while you only make them bluer. Have him fetched at once. O, I know +you never liked him; you always thought him laughing at your sweet pale +face and woebegone airs, laughing ‘_en horrible sarcasm et sanglante +derision_’ (what a style the rogue has! what makes that of your favorite +parsons and holy ones so flaccid and flabby and hectic?) ‘Physician, +heal thyself!’ So, in plain words, you have banished him; the only jolly +soul left amongst us, my pearl and diamond and red ruby of Chaplains, +abstracter of the quintessence of pantagruelism! The words he used! I +musn’t speak freely myself now, and the old books I wrote are a great +deal too coarse for you Michael and Gabriel told me the other day that +they had just been severely lectured on the earnestness of life by one +of your new _protégés_; they had to kick him howling into limbo. A fine +set of solemn prigs we are getting!” “My father, the holiness of sorrow, +the infiniteness of suffering!” “Yes, yes, I know all about it. That +long-winded poet of yours (he does an ode for you to-morrow?) began to +sermonise me thereon. By Jupiter, he wanted to arouse me to a sense of +my inner being and responsibilities and so forth. I very soon packed him +off to the infant school where he teaches the alphabet and catechism to +the babies and sucklings. Have you sent for my jovial, joyous, jolly +Curé of Meudon?” “I have; but I deeply regret that your Majesty thinks +it fitting to be intimate with such a free-liver, such a glutton and +wine-bibber and mocker and buffoon.” “Bah! you patronised the publicans +and sinners yourself in your younger and better days. The strict ones +blamed you for going about eating and drinking so much. I hear that some +of your newest favorites object to the wine in your last supper, and are +going to insist on vinegar-and-water in future.” + +Whereupon entered a man of a noble and courtly presence, lively-eyed and +golden bearded, ruddy complexioned, clear-browed, thoughtful, yet +joyous, serene and unabashed. “Welcome, thrice welcome, my beloved +Alcofribas!” cried the old monarch; “very long is it since last I saw +you.” “I have been exiled since then, your Majesty.” “And I knew nothing +of it!” “And thought nothing of it or of me until you wanted me. No one +expects the King to have knowledge of what is passing under his eyes.” +“And how did you manage to exist in exile, my poor chaplain?” “Much +better than here at court, sire. If your Majesty wants a little +pleasure, I advise you to get banished yourself. Your parasites and +sycophants and courtiers are a most morose, miserable, ugly, detestable, +intolerable swarm of blind beetles and wasps; the devils are beyond +comparison better company.” “What! you have been mixing with traitors?” +“Oh, I spent a few years in Elysium, but didn’t this time go into the +lower circles. But while I sojourned as a country gentleman on the +heavenly borders, I met a few contrabandists. I need not tell you that +large, yea, enormous quantities of beatitude are smuggled out of your +dominions.” “But what is smuggled in?” “Sire, I am not an informer; I +never received anything out of the secret-service money. The poor angels +are glad to run a venture at odd times, to relieve the tedium of +everlasting Te Deum. By the bye, I saw _the_ Devil himself.” “The Devil +in my kingdom! What is Uriel about? he’ll have to be superannuated.” +“Bah! your Majesty knows very well that Satan comes in and returns as +and when he likes. The passport system never stops the really dangerous +fellows. When he honored me with a call he looked the demurest young +saint, and I laughed till I got the lockjaw at his earnest and spiritual +discourse. He would have taken yourself in, much more Uriel. You really +ought to get him on the list of court chaplains. He and I were always +good friends, so if anything happens.... It may be well for you if you +can disguise yourself as cleverly as he. A revolution is not quite +impossible, you know.” The Son threw up his hands in pious horror; the +old King, in one of his spasms of rage, hurled the blue-book at the +speaker’s head, which it missed, but knocked down and broke his favorite +crucifix. “Jewcy fiction _versus_ crucifixion, sire; _magna est veritas +et prevalebit!_ Thank Heaven, all that folly is _out*side my brains; it +is not the first book full of cant and lies and stupidity that has been +flung at me. Why did you not let me finish? The Devil is no fonder than +your sacred self of the new opinions; in spite of the proverb, he loves +and dotes upon holy water. If you cease to be head of the ministry, he +ceases to be head of the opposition; he wouldn’t mind a change, an +innings for him and an outings for you; but these latest radicals want +to crush both Whigs and Tories. He was on his way to confer with some of +your Privy Council, to organise joint action for the suppression of new +ideas. You had better be frank and friendly with him. Public opposition +and private amity are perfectly consistent and praiseworthy. He has done +you good service before now; and you and your Son have always been of +the greatest assistance to him.” “By the temptation of Job! I must see +to it. And now no more business. I am hipped, my Rabelais; we must have +a spree. The cestus of Venus, the lute of Apollo, we never could find; +but there was sweeter loot in the sack of Olympus, and our cellars are +not yet quite empty. We will have a *petit souper_ of ambrosia and +nectar.” “My father! my father! did you not sign the pledge to abstain +from these heathen stimulants?” “My beloved Son, with whom I am not at +all well pleased, go and swill water till you get the dropsy, and permit +me to do as I like. No wonder people think that I am failing when my +child and my mistress rule for me!” + +The Son went out, shaking his head, beating his breast, scrubbing his +eyes, wringing his hands, sobbing and murmuring piteously. “The poor old +God! my dear old father! Ah, how he is breaking! Alack, he will not last +long! Verily, his wits are leaving him! Many misfortunes and disasters +would be spared us were he to abdicate prudently at once. Or a regency +might do. But the evil speakers and slanderers would say that I am +ambitious. I must get the matter judiciously insinuated to the Privy +Council. Alack! alack!” + +“Let him go and try on his suit of lamb’s wool for to-morrow,” said the +old monarch. “I have got out of the rehearsal, my friend; I shall be +conspicuous by my absence; there will be a dummy in my stead.” “Rather +perilous innovation, my Lord; the people may think that the dummy does +just as well, that there is no need to support the original.” “Shut up, +shut up, O, my Curé; no more politics, confound our politics! It is +Sunday, so we must have none but chaplains here. You may fetch Friar +John and sweet Dean Swift and the amiable parson Sterne, and any other +godly and devout and spiritual ministers you can lay hold of; but don’t +bring more than a pleiad.” “With Swift for the lost one; he is cooling +his ‘sæva indignatio’ in the Devil’s kitchen-furnace just now, +comforting poor Addison, who hasn’t got quit for his death-bed brandy +yet.” “A night of devotion will we have, and of inextinguishable +laughter; and with the old liquor we will pour out the old libations. +Yea, Gargantuan shall be the feast; and this night, and to-morrow, and +all next week, and twelve days into the new year the hours shall reel +and roar with Pantagruelism. Quick, for the guests, and I will order the +banquet!” “With all my heart, sire, will I do this very thing. Parsons +and pastors, pious and devout, will I lead back, choice and most elect +souls worthy of the old drink delectable. And I will lock and double +bolt the door, and first warm the chamber by burning all these devilish +books; and will leave word with the angel on guard that we are not to be +called for three times seven days, when all these Christmas fooleries +and mummeries are long over. Amen. Selah. _Au revoir_. Tarry till I +come.” + + + + +A WORD ON BLASPHEMY. + +(1867.) + +This is one of our few and far-between outbursts of Rabelasian laughter, +irresistibly provoked by the aggressive absurdities of theology; and as +such I consider it thoroughly defensible. In all seriousness I affirm +that its mockery is far less “blasphemous” than the solemn outrage on +reason, the infernal damnation of all mankind who are sensible and sane +or who are even mad otherwise than the author, the cold-blooded +dissection of the infinite and eternal God as a superior surgeon may +dissect an inferior corpse, perpetrated by its prototype the so-called +Athanasian Creed. I do not see in what the statement that an old monkey +of the tribe once saw the tail of this great big monkey is more +irreverent than that other statement how Moses of the tribe of Levi once +saw the back parts of the Lord; whom the Church believes to be a Spirit +infinite, without parts, a sort of omnipresent æther or supersubtle gas. +Nor do I see that the monkey, who is at least a natural animal, is a +more outrageous symbol or emblem than the utterly unnatural Lamb as it +had been slain, with seven horns and seven eyes, encompassed by all “the +menagerie of the Apocalypse.” It would be easy to produce, I think, +mockeries far more insulting, buffooneries far more bitter and +malignant, lavished upon Paganism, Socinianism, Atheism, and many +another _ism_, in the works of the most saintly divines. The hierarchy +of Olympus is more venerable than the triune Lord of the New Jerusalem; +yet how is it treated in our most popular burlesques? I go to a theatre +and find a Christian audience, very tenderly sensitive as to their own +religious feelings rolling with laughter and thundering applause at the +representation of a ballet-girl Jupiter ascending in a car like a +monstrous coal-scuttle, with a deboshed mechanical eagle nodding its +head tipsily to the pit; a male Minerva, spectacles on nose, who takes +sly gulps from a gin bottle and dances a fish-fag carmagnole; a Bacchus +sprawling about drunken and brutish as Caliban; all uttering idiotic +puns and singing idiotic songs. And if other mythologies were equally +familiar, they would doubtless be maltreated with equal contempt. You +thus deliver over to your dismal comic writers, to your clowns and +merry-andrews and bayaderes, the gods of Homer and Æschylus, of +Herodotus, Pindar and Phidias, you the sanctimonious and reverent modern +Britons; and you cry out aghast against “atrocious blasphemy” touching a +Divinity, who was first the anthropomorphic clan-god of a petty Syrian +tribe, who grew afterwards into a vague Ormuzd with the devil for +Ahriman when this tribe had been captive in Babylonia, whom you have +filched from this tribe which you still detest and disdain, with whom +you have associated two colleagues declared by this tribe (which surely +ought to know best) utterly spurious, whom you worship with rites +borrowed from old pagans you decry, and discuss in divinity borrowed +from old philosophers and schoolmen you sneer at; who gave to his tribe +some millenniums back laws which you preserve in the filched book of +your idolatry, but which not one of you dare read to his wife and +children; whose son and colleague gave you laws which are certainly +readable enough, but which you are so far from obeying that you would +assuredly consign to Bedlam any one seeking to act upon them perfectly. + +But mockery of the Olympians hurts no one’s feelings, while mockery of +the Tri-unity hurts the feelings of nearly all who hear or see it? I +know that there are here and there a few pious and tender hearts, with +whom habitude has become nature; people who, having less intellectual +than cordial energy, more affection and reverence than curiosity and +self-reliance, pour their whole melted nature into whatever religious +moulds chance to be nearest, and harden to the exact shape and size of +the mould, so that any blow struck upon it jars and wounds them; and the +feelings of these I should be very loth to hurt. I care not for +propagandism in general, and in such cases above all propagandism is +certainly useless. Why seek to convert women to a struggling faith? Let +the women be always on the victorious side, let the men do the fighting +and endure the hardships. When their struggling faith has conquered such +triumph as it merits, they will find the women all at once in agreement +with them, converted not by ideas (for which women care not an +apple-dumpling) but by feminine love and loyalty to manhood. One must +always be very loth, I say, to wound the feelings of the pious and +tender hearts, of the beautiful feminine souls; and fortunately these +love to seclude themselves in tranquillity, avoiding debates and +controversies. Whose religious feelings, then, are likely to be wounded +by “atrocious blasphemies,” by “blasphemous indecencies”? The feelings +of “the gentle spirit of our meek Review,” the benign and holy +_Saturday!_ The feelings of tract distributors, scripture-readers, +polemical parsons, all those in general who violate every courtesy of +life to thrust their narrowminded dogmas upon others, and who preach +everlasting damnation against people too sensible to care for their +ranting! They outrage our reason, they vilify our human nature, they +blaspheme our world, they pollute our flesh, and they wind up by dooming +us to eternal torture because we differ from them: these trifles are, of +course, not supposed to hurt _our_ feelings. We endeavor to enthrone +human reason, to ennoble human nature, to restore the human body to its +pure dignity, to develop the beauty and glory of the world; and we wind +up, not by retorting upon them their fiendish curses, not even by +laughing at the idea of an almighty and all-good God, but by laughing at +their notions of an almighty and all-good God, who has a Hell ready for +the vast majority of us: this horrible laugh lacerates their pious +sensibilities, and we hear the venomous whine of “atrocious blasphemy.” +After condemning us to death they commit us for contempt of court, which +surely is an anomalous procedure! + +You can mock the Grecian mythology, you can burlesque Shakespeare, +without wounding any pious heart? No: Olympus is as sacred to many as +Mount Sion is to you; our own Shakespeare is as venerable and dear to us +as to you that bundle of dissimilar anonymous treatises which you have +made coherent by help of the bookbinder and called the Book of Books. +And mark this; the Grecian mythology is dead, is no longer aggressive in +its absurdities; the priestcraft and the foul rites have long since +perished, the beauty and the grace and the splendor remain. But your +composite theology is still alive, is insolently aggressive, its lust +for tyrannical dominion is unbounded; therefore we must attack it if we +would not be enslaved by it. The cross is a sublime symbol; I would no +more think of treating it with disrespect while it held itself aloft in +the serene heaven of poetry than of insulting the bow of Phoebus Apollo +or the thunderbolts of Zeus; but if coarse hands will insist on pulling +it down upon my back as a ponderous wooden reality, what can I do but +fling it off as a confounded burden not to be borne? + +And now let us consider for a moment the meaning of this word +“blasphemy,” which is the burden of the _S. R.’s_ slanderous song; not +the legal meaning, but the philosophic, the sense in which it would be +used by enlightened and fair controversialists. The most Christian _S. +R._ says to the Atheistic Iconoclast, You blaspheme. Whom? The Christian +God! And the _S, R._ does not appear to see that it is assuming the very +existence of God which is in dispute between itself and Iconoclast! For +the Atheist, God is a figment, nothing; in blaspheming God he therefore +blasphemes nothing. A man really blasphemes when he mocks, insults, +pollutes, vilifies that which he really believes to be holy and awful. +Thus a Christian who really believes in the Christian God (and there +_may_ be a hundred such Christians in England) can be guilty of +blasphemy against that God, whether that God really subsists or not; for +such a Christian in mocking or vilifying God would really be violating +the most sacred convictions of his own nature. Speaking philosophically, +an honest Atheist can no more blaspheme God than an honest Republican +can be disloyal to a King, than an unmarried man can be guilty of +conjugal infidelity. + + [This “Word on Blasphemy,” as I have ventured to call it, is + from a long article on the _Saturday Review_ and the _National + Reformer_, the rest of which was of merely temporary interest, + and that only to the readers of those two journals. The + “outburst of Rabelasian laughter” which so provoked the + _Saturday Review_, was a short satire on Christian theology and + priestcraft, entitled “The Fanatical Monkeys,” ascribed to + Charles Southwell, and just then published in the _National + Reformer_.—Editor.] + + + + +HEINE ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS EXILE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT WHALES + + +(From the “De l’Allemagne.”) (1867.) + +Neptune is still the monarch of the empire of the seas, and Pluto +(although metamorphosed into the Devil) has retained the throne of +Tartarus. They have both been more lucky than their brother Jupiter, who +had to suffer specially the vicissitudes of fortune. This third son of +Saturn, who after the fall of his sire assumed the sovereignty of the +heavens, reigned for a long series of years on the summit of Olympus, +surrounded by a jovial court of high and of most high gods and demigods, +as well as on high and of most high goddesses and nymphs—their celestial +ladies of the bedchamber and maids of honor, who all led a joyous life, +replete with ambrosia and nectar, despising the clowns attached to the +soil down here, and taking no thought of the morrow. Alas, when the +reign of the Cross, the empire of suffering, was proclaimed, the supreme +Chronide emigrated and disappeared amidst the tumult of the barbarian +tribes which invaded the Roman world. All traces of the ex-God were +lost, and I have questioned in vain old chronicles and old women; no one +has been able to furnish me with any information as to his destiny. I +have burrowed in many a library, where I made them bring me the most +magnificent _codex_ enriched with gold and jewels, veritable odalisques +in the harem of science; and as is the custom, I here render my public +thanks to the erudite eunuchs who, without too much grumbling and +sometimes even with affability, have given me access to these luminous +treasures confided to their care. I am now convinced that the middle +ages have not bequeathed to us any traditions concerning the fate of +Jupiter after the fall of Paganism. All that I have been able to +discover in connection with this subject is the history told me long ago +by my friend Niels Andersen. + +I have just mentioned Niels Andersen, and this good figure, at once so +droll and so lovable, emerges all riant in my memory. I must devote a +few lines to him here. For the rest, I like to indicate my authorities +and to show their good or bad qualities, in order that the reader may be +in a position to judge himself how far these authorities deserve to be +trusted. + +Niels Andersen, born at Drontheim, in Norway, was one of the most +skilful and intrepid whalers I have ever known. It is to him that I am +indebted for what knowledge I have of the whale fishery. He taught me +all the subtleties of the art; he made me acquainted with all the +stratagems and dodges which the intelligent animal employs to baffle +these subtle snares and make its escape. It was Niels Andersen who +taught me the management of the harpoon; he showed me how you should fix +the knee of the right leg against the gun-whale of the boat when +launching the harpoon, and how with the left leg you launch a vigorous +kick at the imbecile sailor who don’t pay out quickly enough the rope +attached to the harpoon. To him I owe all, and if I have not become a +famous whaler the fault rests neither with Niels Andersen nor with +myself, but with my evil star, which has never allowed me in the course +of my life to encounter any whale with which I might have engaged in +honorable combat. I have only encountered vulgar stockfish and miserable +herrings. Of what use is the best harpoon when you have to deal with a +herring? Now that my limbs are paralysed I must renounce for ever the +hope of pursuing whales. When at Ritzebuttel, near Cuxhaven, I made the +acquaintance of Niels Andersen. He was scarcely more nimble himself, for +off the coast of Senegal a young shark, which no doubt took his right +leg for a stick of barley sugar, had snapped it off with a snap of his +teeth. Since then poor Niels Andersen went limping upon an artificial +leg manufactured from one of the firs of his country, and which he +extolled as a masterpiece of Norwegian carpentry. His greatest pleasure +at this period was to perch himself on the top of a large empty barrel, +on the belly of which he drummed away with his wooden leg. I often +helped him to climb upon this barrel; but sometimes, when he wished to +get down again, I would not give him my help except on the condition +that he told me one of his curious traditions of the Arctic Sea. + +As Mahomet-Ebn-Mansour commences all his poems with a eulogy of the +horse, so Niels Andersen prefaced all his narratives with a panegyrical +enumeration of the qualities of the whale. He of course commenced with +such a panegyric the legend we give here. + +“The whale,” he said, “is not only the largest, but also the most +magnificent of animals; the two jets of water leaping from his nostrils, +placed at the top of his head, give him the appearance of a fountain, +and produce a magical effect, above all at night, in the moonshine. +Moreover, this beast is sympathetic. He has a good character and much +taste for conjugal life. It is a touching sight,” he added, “to see a +family of whales grouped around its venerable patriarch, and couched +upon an enormous mass of ice, basking in the sun. Sometimes the young +ones begin to frisk and romp, and at length all plunge into the sea to +play at hide-and-seek among the immense ice-blocks. The purity of +manners and the chastity of the whales should be attributed less to +moral principles than to the iciness of the water wherein they +continually sport. Nor can it, unhappily, be denied,” went on Niels +Anderson, “that they have not any pious sentiment, that they are totally +devoid of religion....” + +“I believe this is an error,” I cried, interrupting my friend. “I have +lately read the report of a Dutch missionary, wherein he describes the +magnificence of the creation, which, according to him, reveals itself +even in the polar regions at the hour of sunrise, and when the teams of +day, transfiguring the gigantic rocks of ice, make them resemble those +castles of diamonds we read of in fairy tales. All this beauty of the +creation, in the judgment of the good _dominie_, is a proof of the power +of God which influences every living creature, so that not only man, but +likewise a great brute of a fish, ravished by this spectacle, adores the +Creator and addresses to him its prayers. The _dominie_ assures us that +he has seen with his own eyes a whale which held itself erect against +the wall of a block of ice, and swayed the upper part of its body as men +do in prayer.” + +Niels Andersen admitted that he had himself seen whales which, propping +themselves against a cliff of ice, indulged in movements very similar to +those we remark in the oratories of the various religious sects, but he +maintained that devotion has nothing to do with this phænomenon. He +explained it on physiological grounds; he called my attention to the +fact that the whale, this Chimborazo of animals, has beneath its skin +strata of fat of a depth so prodigious that a single whale often +furnishes a hundred to a hundred and fifty barrels of tallow and oil. +These layers of fat are so thick that while the colossus sleeps, +stretched at its full length upon an icefield, hundreds of water rats +can come and settle in it. These _convives_ immensely larger and more +voracious than the rats of the mainland, lead joyous life under the skin +of the whale, where day and night they gorge themselves with the most +delicious fat without being obliged to quit their holes. These banquets +of vermin at length trouble their involuntary host and even cause him +excessive sufferings. Not having hands as we have, who, God be thanked, +can scratch ourselves when we feel an itching, the whale tries to +mitigate his pangs by placing himself against the protruding and sharp +angles of a rock of ice, and by there rasping his back with a real +fervor and with vigorous movements up and down, as we see the dogs +rasping their skin against a bed-post when the fleas bite them overmuch. +Now in these movements the good _dominie_ thought he saw the edifying +act of prayer, and he attributed to devotion the jerkings occasioned by +the orgies of the rats. Enormous as is the quantity of oil in the whale, +it has not the least religious sentiment. It is only among animals of +mediocre stature that we find any religion; the very great, the +creatures gigantic like the whale are not endowed with it. What can be +the reason? Is it that they cannot find a church sufficiently spacious +to afford them entrance into its pale? Nor have the whales any taste for +the prophets, and the one which swallowed Jonah was not able to digest +that great preacher; seized with nausea, it vomited him after three +days. Most certainly that proves the absence of all religious sentiment +in these monsters. The whale, therefore, would never choose an ice-block +for prayer-cushion, and sway itself in attitudes of devotion. It adores +as little the true God who resides above there in heaven, as the false +pagan god who dwells near the arctic pole, in the Isle of the Rabbits, +where the dear beast goes sometimes to pay him a visit. + +“What is this _Isle of Rabbits_?” I asked Niels Andersen. Drumming on +the barrel with his wooden leg, he answered, “It is exactly in this isle +that the events took place of which I am going to tell you. I am not +able to give you its precise geographical position. Since its first +discovery no one has been able to visit it again; the enormous mountains +of ice accumulated around it bar the approach. Once only has it been +visited, by the crew of a Russian whaler driven by-tempests into those +northern latitudes, and that was more than a hundred years ago. When +these sailors, reached it with their ship they found it deserted and +uncultivated. Sickly stalks of broom swayed sadly upon the quicksands; +here and there were scattered some dwarf shrubs and stunted firs +crouching on the sterile soil. Rabbits ran about everywhere in great +numbers; and this is the reason the sailors call the islet the _Isle of +Rabbits_. A cabin, the only one they discovered, announced the presence +of a human being. When the mariners had entered the hut they saw an old +man, arrived at the most extreme decrepitude and miserably muffled in +rabbit skins. He was seated upon a stone settle, and warmed his thin +hands and trembling knees at the grate where some brushwood was burning. +At his right hand stood a monstrously large bird, which seemed to be an +eagle; but the moulting of time had so cruelly stripped it that only the +great stiff main-plumes of its wings were left, so that the aspect of +this naked animal was at once ludicrous and horribly ugly. On the left +of the old man was couched upon the ground an aged bald-skinned she-got, +yet with a gentle look, and which, in spite of its great age, had the +dugs swollen with milk and the teats fresh and rosy. + +“Among the sailors who had landed on the Isle of Rabbits there were some +Greeks, and one of these, thinking that the man of the hut could not +understand his tongue, said to his comrades in Greek, ‘This queer old +fellow must be either a ghost or an evil spirit.’ At these words the old +man trembled and rose suddenly from his seat, and the sailors, to their +great astonishment, saw a lofty and imposing figure, which, with +imperious and even majestic dignity, held itself erect in spite of the +weight of years, so that the head reached the rafters of the roof. His +lineaments, though worn and ravaged, conserved traces of beauty; they +were noble and perfectly regular. Thin locks of silver hair fell upon +the forehead wrinkled by pride and by age; his eyes, though glazed and +lustreless, darted keen regards, and his finely-curved lips pronounced +in the Greek language, mingled with many archaisms, these words resonant +and harmonious:—‘You are mistaken, young man, I am neither a spectre nor +an evil spirit; I am an unfortunate who has seen better days. But +you—what are you.’ + +“At this demand the seamen acquainted their host with the accident which +had driven them out of their course, and they begged him to tell them +all about the isle. But the old man could give them but scant +information. He told them that from immemorial times he had dwelt in +this isle, of which the ramparts of ice offered him a sure refuge +against his implacable enemies, who had usurped his legitimate rights; +that his main subsistence was derived from the rabbits with which the +isle abounded; that every year, at the season when the floating +ice-blocks formed a compact mass, troops of savages in sledges visited +him, who, in exchange for his rabbit skins, gave him all sorts of +articles most necessary to life. The whales, he said, which now and then +approached his isle, were his favorite society. Nevertheless, he added +that he felt much pleasure at this moment in speaking his native +language, being Greek by birth. He begged his compatriots to inform him +as to the then state of Greece. He learnt with a malicious joy, badly +dissimulated, that the Cross once surmounting the towers of the Hellenic +cities had been shattered; he showed less satisfaction when they told +him that this Christian symbol had been replaced by the Crescent. The +most singular thing was that none of the seamen knew the names of the +towns concerning which he questioned them, and which, according to him, +had been flourishing cities in his time. On the other hand, the names by +which the seamen designated the towns and villages of modern Greece were +completely unknown to him; and the old man shook his head often, as if +quite overwhelmed, and the sailors looked at each other with wonder. +They saw well that he knew perfectly the localities of the country, even +to the minutest details; for he described clearly and exactly the gulfs, +the peninsulas, the capes, often even, the most insignificant hills and +isolated groups of rocks. His ignorance of the commonest typographical +names, therefore astonished them all the more. + +“The old man asked, with the most lively interest, and even with a +certain anxiety, about an ancient temple, which, he said, had been of +old the grandest in all Greece. None of his hearers recognised the +name,, which he pronounced with tender emotion. At last,, when he had +minutely described the place where this, monument stood, a young seaman +suddenly recognised the spot. ‘The village where I was born,’ he +exclaimed, ‘is situated precisely there. During my childhood I have long +watched there the pigs of my father. On this site there are, in fact, +the ruins of very ancient constructions, which must have been incredibly +magnificent. Here and there you see some columns still erect; they are +isolated or connected by fragments of roofing, whence hang tendrils of +honeysuckle and red bind-weeds. Other columns, some of them red marble, +lie fractured on the grass. The ivy has invaded their superb capitals, +formed of flowers and foliage delicately chiselled. Great slabs of +marble, squared fragments of wall and triangular pieces of roofing, are +scattered about, half-buried in the earth. I have often, continued the +young man, ‘passed hours at a time in examining the combats and the +games, the dances and the processions, the beautiful and ludicrous +figures which are sculptured there. Unfortunately these sculptures are +much injured by time, and are covered with moss and creepers. My father, +whom I once asked what these ruins were, told me that they were the +remnants of an ancient temple, of old inhabited by a Pagan God, who not +only indulged in the most gross debaucheries, but who was, moreover, +guilty of incest and other infamous vices; that in their blindness the +idolators had, nevertheless, immolated oxen, often by hundreds, at the +foot of his altar. My father assured me that we still saw the marble +basin wherein they had gathered the blood of the victims, and that it +was precisely the trough to which I frequently led my swine to drink the +rain-water, and in which I also preserved the refuse which my animals +devoured with so much appetite.’ + +“When the young sailor had thus spoken, the old man gave a deep sigh of +the most bitter anguish; he sank nerveless upon the stone seat, and +hiding his visage in his hands, wept like a child. The bird at his side +emitted terrible cries, spread its enormous wings, and menaced the +strangers with talons and beak. The she-goat moaned and licked the hands +of her master, whose sorrows she seemed trying to comfort by her humble +caresses. At this sight a strange trouble swelled in the hearts of the +seamen; they hastily quitted the hut, and did not feel at ease until +they could no more hear the sobbings of the old man, the croakings of +the hideous bird, and the bleatings of the goat. When they got on board +their vessel again they related their adventures. Among the crew there +chanced to be a scholar, who declared that it was an event of the +highest importance. Applying with a sagacious air his right forefinger +to his nose, he assured the seamen that the old man of the Isle of +Rabbits was beyond all doubt the ancient god Jupiter, son of Saturn and +Rhea, once sovereign lord of the gods; that the bird which they had seen +at his side was evidently the famous eagle which used to bear the +thunderbolts in its talons; and that, in all probability, the goat was +the old nurse Amalthea, which had of old suckled the god in the isle of +Crete, and which now continued to nourish him with its milk in the Isle +of Rabbits.” + +Such was the history of Niels Andersen, and it made my heart bleed. I +will not dissemble; already his revelations concerning the secret +sufferings of the whale had profoundly saddened me. Poor animal! against +this vile mob of rats, which house themselves in your body and gnaw you +incessantly, no remedy avails, and you carry them about with you to the +end of your days; rush as you will to the north and to the south, rasp +yourself against the ice-rocks of the two poles, you can never get rid +of these villainous rats? But pained as I had been by the outrage +wreaked upon the poor whales, my soul was infinitely more troubled by +the tragical fate of this old man who, according to the mythological +theory of the learned Russian, was the heretofore King of the gods, +Jupiter the _Chronide_. Yes, he, even he, was subject to the fatality of +Destiny, from which not the immortals themselves can escape; and the +spectacle of such calamities horrifies us, in filling us with pity and +indignation. Be Jupiter, be the sovereign lord of the world, the frown +of whose brows made tremble the universe! be chanted by Homer, and +sculptured by Phidias in gold and ivory; be adored by a hundred nations +during long centuries; be the lover of Semele, of Danae, of Europa, of +Alcmena, of Io, of Leda, of Calisto! and after all, nothing will remain +at the end but a decrepit old man, who to gain his miserable livelihood +has to turn dealer in rabbit skins, like any poor Savoyard. Such a +spectacle will no doubt give pleasure to the vile multitude, which +insults to-day that which it adored yesterday. Perhaps among these +worthy people are to be found some of the descendants of those unlucky +bulls which were of old immolated in hecatombs upon the altar of +Jupiter; let such rejoice in his fall, and mock him at their ease, in +revenge for the blood of their ancestors, victims of idolatry; as for +me, my soul is singularly moved, and I am seized with dolorous +commiseration at the view of this august misfortune. + + + + +THE DAILY NEWS + + +(1874.) + +:: “Ich hab’ mein Sach auf Nichts gestellt, + Juchhe! Drum ist’s so wohl mir in der Welt; Juchhe!”—Gôthe. + + “He got so subtle that to be Nothing was all his glory.” Shelley, + “Peter Bell the Third” + +It is now some time since the _Daily News_, which, perhaps with more +honor than profit, and not seldom at great risk of its life, had been +for many years a really leading Liberal journal, fighting gallantly +always in the van, often in forlorn hopes, took to heart a certain +very-obvious truth. It awoke fully to the fact that while a captain in +the forlorn hope or vanguard is constantly in great peril, and has but +few supporters, one with the main body is much less exposed and has many +more to help him. Weary and discouraged, it resolved to fall back from +the front and join the mass of the army, the myriads of the commonplace +and the timorous, the legions of the rich and respectable, the countless +hosts of the snobbery of Bumbledom. But in making this “strategic +movement,” it is well aware that honor equal to the danger is attached +to the forlorn hope and the vanguard, and it clung to the honor while +renouncing the danger, and continued to call itself a leading Liberal +journal when it had quite given up the lead—nay, continues thus to vaunt +itself still. This is how some malicious people explain the altered +position of the Daily News and its growing number of supporters, or, in +the language of periodicals, its increasing circulation. Now, say these +impatient and intemperate persons, a paper is free to serve Bumble (as +nearly all papers do), or to serve Progress, the enemy of Bumble; but it +has no right, while serving the one, to claim the merit of serving the +other. This _Daily News_, they go on, which still dares to call itself +Liberal, is now just as liberal as the jester’s Garrick, who used to set +out with generous intentions, and was scared back at the corner of the +street by the ghost of a ha’penny. In its case it is the ghost of a +penny, the ghost of the representative penny of all the pennies ready to +buy vapid twaddle, but not earnest thought. + +For my own part, however, I find the _Daily News_ still really liberal, +and, in fact, extremely liberal. It is liberal in long special telegrams +and interminable Jenkins letters about the most insignificant movements +and actions of royal personages. It is equally liberal in reticence, +slightly tempered by sneers, as to all advanced movements, all unpopular +principles and their champions. It is liberal in the space it gives to +all fashionable frivolities, sports and pastimes, to all the bagatelles +of life. If it has not a paragraph to spare for a Radical meeting, it +has always columns at the command of boat races, yacht races, horse +races, cricket and polo matches, and the like important events, as well +as other columns for the gossip of clubs and the babble of society. It +is liberal in hopefulness that wrong may be right, falsehood truth, evil +good. It is very liberal in soft phrases, and in “passages that lead to +nothing.” Nothing, indeed, is the great end of its endeavor; for what +alteration can be needed by a world in which the circulation of the +_Daily News_ is continually increasing? Unless, perchance, as the +circulation is already “world-wide,” the world will have to be extended +in order to accommodate it. But this concerns Father God or Mother +Nature, not mere mortals. All these liberalities I could amply +illustrate did space permit; as it is, I can give but an instance each +to the first two. The Prince of Wales being in France, amusing himself +like any other man who has money and leisure, “The Prince of Wales in +France—Special,” heads its placards in the largest letters. On the other +hand, I heard one of our three or four greatest writers, Garth +Wilkinson, declare at a public meeting that he had written several +letters to it on a subject then agitating the public mind, but that he +could as easily get a letter into the moon as into the _Daily News_. Yet +the subject was medical; and Garth Wilkinson is not only one of our +greatest writers and thinkers, but also an M.D. and F.R.S., who has +practised for I know not how much more than a quarter of a century. To +refuse his letters on that matter was like refusing to hear Carlyle on +Cromwell or Darwin on Natural Selection. Why, then, did the _Daily News_ +reject them? For the simply sufficient reason that they advocated the +unpopular side of the question. + +Yes, it is still liberal and beyond measure liberal in these and many +other respects. It has still great care of the people—to keep aloof from +them; it loves them more than ever—at a distance. It still belongs to +the Left—in the rear. It is still of the Mountain, only it has descended +to provision itself; as the sage rhyme runs, + + “The mountain sheep were sweeter, + But the valley sheep were fatter; + We therefore deemed it meeter + To carry off the latter.” + +It is still Radical, having a rooted love of ease and hatred of +disturbance. It is still revolutionary, but has resolved that henceforth +revolutions shall be made with rose-water, and omelettes without +breaking of.... + +While thus freely acknowledging that in many things the _Daily News_ is +now more liberal than ever it was, I must also record my admiration for +its strenuous endeavors to assume an air of aristocratic refinement and +repose. From its serene indifference to the troubles of vulgar humanity, +from the languid lisp and drawl of its voice, from its perpetual +allusions to the luxuries and enjoyments of the wealthy and noble, one +readily divines that its staff, like the staff of my Lord Chamberlain or +other court lackey, can move only in the highest circles; but whether +its members are admitted into these as gentlemen or as gentlemen’s +gentlemen, I must leave for those familiar with such circles to declare. +This is certain, that they flit about amidst a lordly festival in the +gay and careless fashion of men who have no thought save of enjoying +themselves; not like poor devils who have duties which, though better +paid, are as onerous and strictly subservient to the gathering as those +of the waiters or the footmen. It must surely be by a mere afterthought, +and purely for their own amusement, that they throw off a description of +the scene and an account of what occurred there. By the bye, it is +rumored that the staff has been thoroughly changed of late years. The +old members were able enough, but they were too coarse, too loud, too +violent, too opiniative, too much given to discussing important +questions as if they really cared for the same. Their manners especially +could not be endured One entered the Editor’s sanctum (which had then +just been refurnished under the supervision of the Count of Monte +Cristo) in his wet boots, although embroidered slippers were provided at +the foot of the stairs. Another exploded with a “Damned old idiot!” on +reading the charge of one of our Right Reverend Fathers in God. Another +was caught smoking a clay pipe over a pint of beer, although narghilés +and hookahs and the choicest cigarettes, with unlimited supplies of the +most costly wines and liqueurs, are always set out for the staff and +such visitors as are admitted to the inner offices. The _Daily News_ +wrote to my Lord Chief Justice demanding that this fellow should be sent +without trial to keep company with Arthur Orton, and for all I know the +Chief Justice humbly obeyed. Another was seen walking arm-in-arm with +the Editor of the _Times_, and was of course instantly dismissed, the +_Daily News_ writing to warn the man of the other journal. + +This, I am assured, is historical fact, to which the Editor of the +_Times_ will bear witness, if he be not ashamed to avow what may seem to +hurt his dignity. For these and the like offences the old members have +been all dismissed. + +It is said to be a peculiarity of the _Daily News_ that all the leading +articles are manufactured on the premises, if I may venture on a shop +phrase in such a connection. I have spoken of the luxury of the Editor’s +sanctum, which is a large and noble apartment. The leader-writers are +borne to the office in closed carriages, with double or triple windows +and india-rubber tires, lest some rude oath, or nasty smell, or even the +loud noise of the streets should shock them into hysterics, or at least +so unstring their nerves as to render writing impossible for the day. In +the sumptuous boudoir-sanctum, lounging, smoking, and sipping, they +receive on silver salvers telegrams from all parts of the rolling globe, +with innumerable communications and documents, written and printed; and +such of these as they are pleased to look at tin Epicurean gods: + + “For they lie beside their nectar, + and the bolts are hurled + Far below them in the valleys.” + +They lie a good deal beside their nectar; but their bolts are anything +but thunderbolts. Thunderbolts! The mere word would make these gasp and +shudder. They are not thunderbolts, they are not rockets, they are not +even squibs; they are bonbons and genuine _confetti_, not your +_confetti_ of the Carnival. + + “*There* they smile in secret, looking over wasted lands, + Blight and famine, plague and earthquake, roaring deeps and fiery sands, + Clanging fights and flaming towns, and sinking ships and praying hands. + + But they smile, they find a music centered in a doleful song + Steaming up, a lamentation and an ancient tale of wrong, + Like a tale of little meaning, tho the words are strong; + + Chanted from an ill−used race of men that cleave the soil, + Sow the seed and reap the harvest with enduring toil, + Storing yearly little dues of wheat, and wine and oil.” + +Naturally these lofty beings smile; for what have they to do with the +cares and woes, the hopes and fears of ordinary mortals? Besides, +battles and shipwrecks, disasters and convulsions, make the best of +copy; and the music centred in the doleful song is a hymn of triumph, +with the glorious refrain, “Our circulation is still increasing! Our +world-wide circulation continues to increase!” And surely the ill-used +race of men that till the soil should be appeased and amply satisfied by +the showers of bonbons and sweetmeats the _Daily News_ is always +flinging down. It has more important duties to attend to than fighting +the battles and righting the wrongs of an ignorant, passionate, +unreasonable, wretched rabble, considerably addicted to dirt, +drunkenness, and vice. For thirty hours at least in every twenty-four it +is in attendance on some Royalty or another, or at the sports and +entertainments of “Society, with a capital S.” It is said that the +“copy” of these superlative writers, who always wear kid gloves while +writing, is written with golden pens and tinted and perfumed ink, on +perfumed and tinted paper. It is moreover said that the journal itself +is soon to be printed on vellum, in the illuminated style, with +arabesque borders. It is also rumored that the _Court Journal_ and the +_Morning Post_, finding themselves quite outdone by the _Daily News_, +and their occupation gone, will shortly cease to appear. + +I must not omit to mention that I have been told on authority, which I +incline to consider good, that in the said gorgeous sanctum is +conspicuous a table of commandments, wrought in letters of fine gold, +which commandments are these: + +I. Thou shalt never be in earnest about anything, and shalt abhor +enthusiasm. + + II. Thou shalt not have a decided opinion on any subject. + +III. Thou shalt never write an unqualified sentence, or risk an +unmodified statement. + +IV. Thy style shall be always in the tone of a sweet murmur or soft +whisper; a lullaby of peace for drowsy-headed Bumbledom. + +V. Thou shalt write with an air of assured superiority to everybody, and +everything. + +VI. Thou shalt ever bear in mind that there is no joy but calm, and that +the supreme moral excellence is good taste, which may be quite +compatible with meanness, servility, and cowardice, but cannot be +compatible with the foolish fervor of zeal. + +VII. Thou shalt always mention and allude to as many persons, places, +and luxuries of high life as possible. + +VIII. Thou shalt drag into every article three or four literary +citations or allusions, whether relevant or irrelevant, in order to show +to the world thy culture. + +IX. Thou shalt carefully avoid mention of all ardent reformers and +unpopular thinkers, and their doings, save to lightly banter or coldly +rebuke them. + +X. Thou shalt treat with profound respect and tenderness all the powers +that be, and all popular opinions, social, political and religious, +however thou mayest contemn them in thy heart; for great Bumble is the +sole lord of large circulations, and only through his continued grace +can our circulation continue to increase. + +It is by assiduously conforming themselves to this most wise and holy +decalogue, that the members of the staff of the _Daily News_ have become +such rare flowers of sweetness and light; worthy of that serene +Professor of Haughty-culture, Matthew Arnold himself, ere he had +perpetrated “Literature and Dogma.” + +But while, in common with all the other worshippers of the _Daily News_, +I exult in its world-wide and ever-increasing circulation, I am haunted +by a horrible fear, which I cannot conceal, but will hint and whisper as +gently as possible. When a stone falls into a pond—but no, pond is +vulgar—when a stone falls into a still lake, the first small rings are +clearly defined, but the circlings as they enlarge grow fainter and +fainter, until at length they can no more be perceived. Now, as all the +world knows, our beloved and revered Daily News, in its ever-increasing +circulation, has hitherto followed precisely the same law; and my dread +is that it will continue to do so unto the utmost extremity, becoming +ever more and more faint and undefined as the circulation increases, +until it shall altogether vanish away. It is getting so refined that I +fear it will soon be fined away to nothing; so delicate and dainty, that +it is already unfit for this rough world, whose slightest shock may kill +it; so ethereal that its complete evaporation seems imminent; so +supernal that it must surely soon disappear, absorbed into the Empyrean. +May that good God, who we have been told “will think twice before +damning a person of quality,” think many, many times before condemning +our fashionable world to such an irreparable loss! + + + + +JESUS: AS GOD; AS A MAN + + +(1866.) + + “These hereditary enemies of the Truth... have even had the + heart to degrade this first preacher of the Mountain, the purest + hero of Liberty; for, unable to deny that he was earth’s + greatest man, they have made of him heaven’s smallest + god.”—Heine: Reisébilder. + +The doctrine of the divinity of Jesus, which, in whatever relation +regarded, is full of self-contradictions and absurdities, is, above all, +pernicious in its moral and spiritual results. Most myths have a certain +justification in their beauty, in their symbolism of high truth. This +one distorts the beauty, degrades the sublimity, stultifies the meaning +of the facts and the character wherein it has been founded, taking away +all true grandeur from Jesus, benumbing our love and reverence. + +Jesus, as a man, commands my heart’s best homage. His words, as reported +by the Evangelists, are ever-flowing fountains of spiritual +refreshments; and I feel that he was in himself even far more wise and +good than he appears in the gospel. What disciple could be expected to +report perfectly the words of a teacher so mystically sublime? The +disciple intends and endeavors to report faithfully; but when he hears +words which to him are without sense, because they express some truth +whose sphere is beyond the reach of his vision, he makes sense of them +by some slight change—slight as to the letter, immense as to the spirit; +for the sense is a truth or truism of his own lower sphere. And when the +reports are not put into writing until many years after the words were +first uttered, the changes will be important even as to the letter; for +a narrative from a man’s mouth always alters year after year as much as +the man himself alters, for he continues grafting his own sense (which +may be deplorable nonsense) upon words which have been spoken. When we +find sentences of the purest beauty and wisdom in the records of a man’s +conversation, we may safely proportion the whole philosophical character +of the speaker to such sentences. They mark the altitude at which his +spirit loved to dwell. We are but completing the circle from the +clearest fragment-arc left. Sentences of wisdom less exalted, or of +apparent unwisdom, have perhaps been degraded by the reporter, or have +been relative to circumstances which we cannot now learn thoroughly. + +Jesus as a man, whose words have been recorded by fallible men, is not +lowered in my esteem by such contradictions as I find between his +various speeches. Every proverb has its antagonist proverb, each being +true to a certain extent, or in certain relations. Could we conceive an +abstract intellect, we might conceive it dwelling continually in the +sphere of abstract and absolute truth; but no man, however wise, dwells +continually in this sphere. As a man living in the world, his intellect +no less than his body lives in the relative and the conditioned, and +naturally reflects the character of this sphere. The wise man finds +himself surrounded and obstructed by certain concrete errors, and he +attacks these errors with relative truths. Were the errors of another +sort, the truths commonly in his mouth would be of another sort too. +Many wise men of different ages and countries are pitted against each +other as if their doctrines were fundamentally antagonistic, while, in +truth, their doctrines are essentially in unison, and either would have +spoken or written much the same as the other had he lived in the same +circumstances. For a wise man only attacks the errors that are in his +way; things which he never meets he can scarcely think of as +obstructions. Hannibal, whose business it is to get into Italy from +Gaul, sets about blasting the Alps. Stephenson, whose business it is to +get from Manchester to Liverpool, sets about filling up Chat Moss. The +same man, who muffles himself in as many furs as he can get in +Greenland, will strip himself to a linen robe in Jamaica. Luther said +that the human mind is like a drunken peasant on horseback: he is +rolling off on the right, you push him up, he then rolls over on the +left. Exactly so; and because one sage, seeing him roll down to the +right, has pushed him up on the right, while another sage, seeing him +roll down to the left, has pushed him up on the left, are the two sages +to be accounted antagonists? Now as a wise man in the course of his +existence meets errors of many sorts, some of a quite opposite tendency +to others, and as he proves his wisdom by applying to each error its +relative or pertinent truth, the rule is almost rigidly exact: that the +wiser the man the more of apparent contradictions can be found in his +writings or conversation treating of actual life. + +But deity is beyond the sphere of the relative and conditioned. When +deity speaks and deity reports the speeches, all should be absolute +truth transparently self-consistent, else what advantage or gain have we +by the substitution of God for Man? Why bring in God to utter and record +what could have been as well uttered and recorded by man? + +Everything for which we love and venerate the man Jesus becomes a bitter +and absurd mockery when attributed to the Lord Christ. The full heart is +praising the man; you turn him into God, a ruinous salvo is added to the +praise. + +He went about doing good: if God, why did he not do all good at once? He +cured many sick: if God, why did he not give the whole world health? He +associated with publicans and sinners: if God, why did he make publicans +and sinners at all? He preached the kingdom of heaven: if God, why did +he not bring the kingdom with him and make all mankind fit for it? He +loved the poor, he taught the ignorant: if God, why did he let any +remain poor and ignorant? He rebuked the Pharisees and Sadducees: it +God, why did he not wholly purify them from formalism, hypocrisy, and +unbelief? He died for love of mankind: if God, why did he not restore +mankind to himself without dying? and what great thing was it to seem to +die for three days? He sent apostles to preach salvation to all men: if +God, why did he not reveal it at once to all men, and so reveal it that +doubt had been impossible? He lived an example of holiness to us all: if +God, how can our humanity imitate Deity? And finally, a question +trampling down every assertion in his favor: why did he ever let the +world get evil? + +One is ashamed of repeating these things for the ten-thousandth time, +but they will have to be repeated occasionally, so long as a vast +ecclesiastical system continues to rest on the foundations of the +absurdities they oppugn. And while one is grinding such chaff in the +theological mill, he may as well have a turn at the Atonement, which is, +in fact, the essence of the dogma of the Incarnation. No wonder this +poor Atonement has been attacked on all sides; it invites attack; one +may say that in every aspect it piteously implores us to attack it and +relieve it from the misery of its spectral existence. It is so full of +breaches that one does not know where to storm. + +I am content to note one aspect of this unfortunate mystery which, so +far as I am aware, has been seldom studied. The whole scheme of the +Atonement, as planned by God, is based upon a crime—a crime infinitely +atrocious, the crime of murder and deicide, is essential to its success: +if Judas had not betrayed, if the Jews had not insisted, if Pilate had +not surrendered, if all these turpitudes had not been secured, the +Atonement could not have been consummated. Need one say more? Sometimes, +when musing upon this doctrine, I have a vision of the God-man getting +old upon the earth, horribly anxious and wretched, because no one will +murder him. Judas has succeeded to a large property, and would not be +tempted to betray him by three hundred pieces of silver; the chief +priests and elders think him insane, and, therefore, as Orientals, hold +him in a certain reverence; Pilate is henpecked and superstitious, +accounts the wife’s dreams oracular, and will have nothing to do with +him; even Peter won’t deny him, although he has restored Peter’s +mother-in-law to life. The situation is desperate; he has again and +again prayed his Father to despatch a special murderer to despatch him, +yet none appears: shall he have to perish by old age or disease? may he +be compelled to commit suicide? must he go back to Heaven unsacrificed, +foiled for want of an assassin? + +Benjamin Disraeli attained the cynical sublime when he suggested a +monument of gratitude to Judas. In fact, Christendom ought to have +erected hundreds of years ago three grand monuments to the sub-trinity +of Christianity, to the three men without whose devoted assistance the +heavenly trinity would not have triumphed in the scheme of Salvation by +Atonement; Judas, Caiaphas and Pilate; and as these three men could not +have done what they did in furtherance of the glorious work without a +well-known inspiration, a fourth memorial—the grandest of all—should +have been erected to the Devil. But the world, even the religious world, +has always been ungrateful to its most generous benefactors. + +Is it not the worst of sacrilege, a foul profanation of our human +nature, which for us, at least, should be holy and awful, when the +heroic and saintly martyrdom of a true Man is thus falsified into the +self-schemed sham sacrifice, ineffectual, of a God? The people who +profess belief in this are shocked at the outrage offered to our +humanity by the Development Theory, while they themselves commit this +outrage more flagitious. Little matters whence we sprang; we are what we +are. But much matters to what we may attain. If the Development Theory +plants our feet in the slime, the Christian Theory bows our head to the +dust. It asserts that human nature could not possibly be so good as +Jesus, that human genius could not possibly write the books which tell +of him; it denies us our noblest prerogatives, and declares us bastards +when we claim a crown. It climbs to God by trampling on Man, it builds +Heaven in contempt of Earth, its soul is a phosphorescence from the +slain and rotting Body; its fervent faith vilifies us worse than the +coldest sneer of Mephistopheles. Yet the orthodox shudder and moan, +outraged in their pious sensibilities, when one dares to speak with +manly plainness of their doctrines, which commence by polluting our +common nature, continue by insulting our reason, and conclude by damning +the large majority of us! + + + + +THE ONE THING NEEDFUL + + +(1866.) + +When I survey with pious joy the present world of Christendom, finding +everywhere that the true believers love their neighbors as themselves +and are specially enamored of their enemies; that no one of them takes +thought for the morrow, what he shall eat or what he shall drink, or +wherewithal he or she shall be clothed; that all the pastors and flocks +endeavor to outstrip each other in laying not up for themselves +treasures upon earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves +break through and steal; and all are so intensely eager to quit this +earthly tabernacle and become freeholders of mansions in the skies; when +I find faith as universal as the air, and charity as common as cold +water; I sometimes wonder how it is that any misbelievers and +unbelievers are left, and feel astonished that the New Jerusalem has not +yet descended, and hope that the next morning’s _Times_ (rechristened +_The Eternities_) will announce the inauguration of the Millennium. + +What delayeth the end? Can there indeed be any general hindering sin or +imperfection among the pure saints, the holy, unselfish, aspiring, +devout, peaceful, loving men and women who make up the population of +every Christian land? Can any error infect the teachings of the +innumerable divines and theologians, who all agree together in every +particular, drawing all the same doctrines from the same texts of the +one unvaried Word of God? I would fain believe that no such sin or error +exists, not a single inky spot in the universal dazzling whiteness; but +then why have we to deplore the continued existence of heathens and +infidels? why is the New Jerusalem so long a-building? why is the +Millennium so long a-coming? why have we a mere Sardowa instead of +Armageddon? + +After long and painful thought, after the most serious and reverent +study, I think I have found the rock on which the ship of the Church has +been wrecked; and I hasten to communicate its extreme latitude and +interminable longitude, that all Christian voyagers may evade and +circumvent it from this time forward. + +The error which I point out, and the correction which I propose, have +been to a certain extent, in a vague manner, pointed out and proposed +before. A clergyman named Malthus, not in his clerical capacity, but +condescending to the menial study of mundane science, is usually +considered the first discoverer. But mundane science is conditioned, +limited, vague, its precepts are full of hesitation; while celestial +science is absolute, unlimited, clear as the noonday sun, and its +precepts are imperiously forthright. + +It seems to me that the one fatal error which has lurked in our +otherwise consummate Christianity, and which demands immediate +correction is this, that the propagation of children is reconcileable +with the propagation of the faith—an error which while it lasts adjourns +_sine die_ the day of judgment, and begins the Millennium with the Greek +Kalends. + +One need not quote the numerous texts throughout the New Testament (let +Matthew xix., 12, suffice) proving that Jesus and the epistolary +apostles accounted celibacy essential to the _highest_ Christian life. +One only of the disciples, so far as we know, was married; and he it was +who denied his master; and most of the more profound divines consider +that Peter was justly punished for marrying, when Christ cured his +mother-in-law of that fever which might else have carried her off. + +But many modest people may be content with a respectable Christian life +which is not of the very highest kind. They may think that as husbands +and wives they will make very decent middle-class saints in heaven, +after a comfortable existence on earth, leaving the nobler crowns of +holiness for more daring spirits. Humility is one of the fairest graces, +and we revere it; but there is a consideration, most momentous for the +kind Christian heart, which such good people must have overlooked—very +naturally, since it is very obvious. + +Jesus tells us that many are called but few are chosen; that few enter +the strait gate and travel the narrow way, while many take the broad way +that leadeth to destruction. In other words, the large majority of +mankind, the large majority of even those who have the gospel preached +to them must be damned. When a human soul is born into the world, the +odds are at least ten to one that the Devil will get it. Can any pious +member of the Church who has thought of this take the responsibility of +becoming a parent? I thoroughly believe not. I am convinced that we have +so many Christian parents only because this very conspicuous aspect of +the case has not caught their view. If the parents could have any +assurance that the piety of their offspring would be in proportion to +their own, they would be justified in wedding in holiness. But alas! we +all know that some of the most religious parents have had some of the +most wicked children. Dearly beloved brethren and sisters pause and +calculate that for every little saint you give to heaven, you beget and +bear at least nine sinners who will eventually go to hell. + +The remedy proposed is plain and simple as a gospel precept: let no +Christian have any child at all—a rule which, in the grandeur of its +absoluteness makes the poor timid and tentative Malthusianism very +ridiculous indeed. For this rule is drawn immediately from the New +Testament and cannot but be perfect as its source. + +Let us think of a few of the advantages which would flow from its +practice. The profane have sometimes sneered that Jesus and his +disciples manifestly thought that the world would come to an end, the +millennium be inaugurated, within a very few years from the public +ministry of Jesus. Luckily the profane are always ignorant or shallow, +or both. For, as the New Jerusalem is to come down while Christians are +alive, and as Christians in the highest sense or Christians without +offspring must have come to an end with the first generation, it is +plain that the belief which has been sneered at was thoroughly well +founded; and that it has been disappointed only because the vast +majority of Christians have not been Christians in the highest sense at +all, but in their ignorance have continued to propagate like so many +heathen proletarians. + +Now, supposing the very likely case that all Christians now living +reflect upon the truth herein expounded, and see that it is true, and, +therefore, always act upon it, it follows that, with the end of our now +young generation, the whole of Christendom will be translated into the +kingdom of heaven. Either the mere scum of non-Christians left upon the +earth will be wholly or in great part converted by an example so +splendid and attractive, and thus translate all Christendom in the +second edition in a couple of generations more; or else the world, being +without any Christianity, will, as a matter of course, be so utterly +vile and evil that the promised fire must destroy it at once, and so +bring in the New Heavens and New Earth. + +Roman Catholic Christians may indeed answer that, although the above +argument is irresistible to the Protestants, who have no mean in the +next life between Heaven and Hell, yet that it is not so formidable to +them, seeing that they believe in the ultimate salvation of nearly every +one born and reared in their communion, and only give a temporary +purgatory to the worst of their own sinners. And I admit that such reply +is very cogent. Yet, strangely enough, the Catholics, even more than the +Protestants, recognise and cultivate the supreme beatitude of celibacy; +their legions of unwedded priests, and monks, and nuns and saints are so +many legions of concessions to the truth of my main (arguement). + +I am aware that one of the most illustrious dignitaries of our own +National Church, the very reverend and reverent Dr. Swift, Dean of St. +Patrick’s, has advocated on various grounds, and with impressive force +of reasoning, the general eating of babies: and I anticipate that some +prudent Christians may, therefore, argue that it is better to get babies +and eat them than to have none at all, since the souls of the sweet +innocents would surely go to heaven, while their bodies would be very +nourishing on earth. Unfortunately, however, the doctrine of Original +Sin, as expounded and illustrated by many very thoughtful theologians, +and specially theologians of the most determined Protestant type, makes +it very doubtful whether the souls of infants are not damned. It will +surely be better, then, for good Protestants to have no infants at all: +Q. E. D. + + + + +THE SWINBURNE CONTROVERSY + + +(1866.) + +Not having read Mr. Swinburne’s “Poems and Ballads,” I have nothing to +say on the special case in which they are involved. A few of the adverse +critiques I have chanced to see, and these almost avail to convince one +that Mr. Swinburne is a true poet. The _Saturday Review_, shocked out of +the complacency of its stark peevishness, cried, “Pretty verses these to +read aloud to young ladies in the drawing-room!” As if there were any +great book in existence proper to read aloud to young ladies in +drawing-rooms! and as if young ladies in drawing-rooms were the fit and +proper judges of any great book! I should like to watch the smuggest and +most conceited of Saturday Reviewers attempting to read aloud to young +ladies in a drawingroom certain chapters in the Bible, certain scenes of +Shakespere, certain of the very best passages in Chaucer, Spenser, +Dryden, Pope, Swift, Fielding, Sterne, Smollett, Burns, Byron, Shelley. +When Mr. Swinburne answers that he writes for full-grown men and women, +the acute _Fun_ affirms that men have read his book and have condemned +it. As if our present brood of periodical critics were men! At home in +private life, some of them probably are; but in their critical capacity, +that is to say incapacity, how many of them have any virility? The +_Athenaeum_ squashes the detestable book by proclaiming that it contains +such and such things in the style of Alfred de Musset, George Sand, +Victor Hugo, Ovid, etc.; that is to say, in the style of some of the +best Latin and modern French writers! As for _Punch_, he makes a joke +worthy of his present lively condition (were it not for Mr. C. H. +Bennett, one would say that there was no blood at all left in Mr. Punch +when the great Leech dropped off), suggesting that the author should +take the appropriate name of Swine-born. But the mass of our present +critics are so far beneath contempt that we will waste no more time upon +them. + +I have just one remark to make, however, before saying a few words on +the general issue raised by this particular process. A large number of +highly respectable elderly personages in gowns, for the most part +belonging to the priesthood of our very dear National Church, and who by +themselves and by good Bumbledom in general are accounted the real +clerisy of England, have devoted all, or nearly all, the years of their +maturity to what is termed the classical instruction of ingenuous youth. +The ingenuous youth thus magnificently instructed comprise young men of +the highest rank, with the most money and leisure and the reddest blood +in the nation. Is it not rather ludicrous to see the said begowned +elderly personages all wringing their hands and smiting their breasts, +weeping and lamenting in sore astonishment and perplexity and terror, +when one of these young men dares to give sign that he has actually in +some degree _assimilated_ such classical instruction, instead of merely +gulping it down hastily and then vomiting it all crude at the +examinations? + +As to the general questions, I will start by avowing frankly my +conviction, that, in the present state of England, every thoughtful man +who loves literature should rejoice in the advent of any really able +book which outrages propriety and shocks Bumbledom, should rejoice in +its advent simply and exactly because it does outrage propriety and +shock Bumbledom, even if this book be nauseous to his own taste and bad +in his own judgment. For the condition of our literature in these days +is disgraceful to a nation of men: Bumble has drugged all its higher +powers, and only the rudest shocks can arouse them from their torpor. We +have still, indeed, by the inscrutable bounty of nature, three or four +great writers, the peers of the greatest in Europe; out they stand like +so many forest-trees, antique oaks of Old England, in a boundless flat +of kitchen-gardens—cabbage and lettuce, radishes and onions, and all the +many-leaved “pot-boilers,” fit only to be soddened and seethed in a pot, +and “to pot,” thank goodness, they all quickly go. + +Our literature should be the clear and faithful mirror of our whole +world of life, but at present there are vast realms of thought and +imagination and passion and action, of which it is not allowed to give +any reflex at all, or is allowed only to give a reflex so obscure and +distorted as to be worse than none. But, it may be objected, suppose +Satyrs come leering into your mirror and Bacchantes whirl before it? I +answer that the business of a mirror is clear reflection: if it does not +faithfully image the Satyr, how can it faithfully image Hyperion? And do +you dread that the Satyr will be preferred to Hyperion, when both stand +imaged in clear light before us? It is only when the windows are +curtained, when the mirror is a black gulph and its portraitures are +vague dark shadows, that the beautiful and the noble can pass +undistinguished from the hideous and the vile. + +If, indeed, the realities not reflected became unrealities, were +annihilated, then there would be some sense in veiling those portions of +the mirror in front of which certain features of our life are exposed. +And if that which sees not could not be seen, it would be very sensible +of the hunted ostrich to hide its head in the sand. But we all know that +in darkness what is filthy and vile grows ever filthier and viler, what +is pure and sweet sickens and decays. + +“We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we +have done those things which we ought not to have done; and there is no +health in us.” + +We have suppressed mention of all facts which Bumble would fain ignore, +and utterance of all opinions likely to disturb his sacred peace; we +have canted enough to nauseate the angels, and have continually lied for +God as for a man to pleasure him; so our popular books are fit for +emasculated imbeciles, the _Times_ is our leading journal, and the +_Daily Telegraph_ boasts the largest circulation in the world! And in +the meanwhile the police-reports are full of putrid flesh, all the +blue-books are crammed with statistical dry bones; flesh from the +carcases and bones from the skeletons in that mass of death and +corruption under our imperial whited sepulchre. + +I do not complain of the kitchen-garden literature; many of the +vegetables are very wholesome and savory in their season, very good for +eating to-day and forgetting to-morrow; I complain that in the interest +of kitchen-gardens the rearing of all grander and loftier vegetation, +the growth of secular forest-kings has become almost impossible in +England. The stupidest popular book would not be popular did it not find +a large number of people still more stupid than itself, to whom it is +really entertaining and instructive. These stupid people one does not +blame, one can only pity or envy them according to one’s mood. But what +shall one say of that large number of educated people who are not +stupid, who are familiar with continental literature; who yet, if an +English book appears advocating ideas such as they have been delighted +with in a French or German dress, feign astonishment and horror, and +join with all the poor little curs of Bumbledom in yelping and snarling +at it? These men who know well what they are doing are the accomplices +of Bumble who does not know what he is doing, who fondly fancies that he +is doing something very different, in starving on thin diet and +stupifying with narcotic drugs the intellect of our nation once so +robust and active; and assuredly if the process goes on much longer we +shall come to rank mentally as a third-rate Power in Europe. + +No intelligent man in England, without (which is a contradiction in +terms) his ideas are exactly coincident with the non-ideas of Bumble, or +without he is rich and independent, can afford to devote himself to +honest treatment of any great religious or social, moral or +philosophical question. If treated in a book, he must himself pay the +expense of publication; if treated in an article, not even by payment +could he get the portals of any popular periodical to open unto him. For +periodicals—newspapers, magazines, reviews—are the Fools’ Paradise of +the commonplace, the mediocre, the orthodox, the respectable. As the +strength of a chain must be measured by its weakest link, so the thought +of a periodical must be measured by the thought of its most imbecile +subscribers. A periodical to live must be a commercial success; the +faintest thrill of new ideas would affect its circulation by shocking +off some of its regular readers; it must suit its articles to the size +of its customers—a very little hat for a very little head, a very little +thought for a very little brain. Thus, though in thinking of their +criticisms I spoke so contemptuously of our critics, I do not doubt that +many of them are much wiser than their articles. The most honest of them +must live by their pen, so they do not attempt to tell the whole truth +though they will not tell a lie; many, however, undoubtedly are as apt +for the sin of commission as for the sin of omission. + +A noteworthy instance occurs to me as I write. An eminent English +author, in some respects even a great author, complained that in our +country no one since _Fielding_ had dared to attempt the full and +faithful portraiture of a man, and he set himself to the task in a work +published by instalments. As he entered upon certain phases of common +virile life, the circulation of the serial began to decrease. This +author was eminent, well-off, much more honest and wise and brave than +ninety-nine authors in a hundred: of course, having begun his work he +would honestly finish it, he would not only tell the truth and nothing +but the truth, he would also tell the whole truth?—he quietly left off +painting the features objected to, finished such as were agreeable to +the public, and said with a cynical scorn (flavored perhaps with some +bitterness of self-scorn), “_So you don’t want to see and hear the whole +truth? Very well!” This author was revered by the great and +noble-hearted Charlotte Brontë; this author was *Thackeray_, strong with +all the prestige of _Vanity Fair_; he could not think of continuing a +course injurious to his “circulation,” so “Pendennis” is not almost +worthy (as it might, else have been) to stand beside “Un Grande Homme de +Province à Paris” of Balzac. + +When such is Thackeray, what must be Gigadibs? + +If I write this rather strongly it is because I feel that I am writing +in the interest of strength and health and purity and freedom, at a time +when the mass of our literature is infected with servile weakness and +disease and that “obscenity, which is ever blasphemy against the divine +beauty in life.” For all obscene things batten on darkness, and light is +fatal to them. But for the Bumble who rules over us, the naked beauty is +obscene and the naked truth is blasphemous; he thinks that the Venus de +Medici came out of Holywell Street, and is inclined to believe that all +the fossil records of geology were forged by the Devil to throw +discredit upon the book of Genesis. One cannot without a keen pang of +shame and rage think of what we are when one remembers what we were, +when one recalls our old and glorious literature, in the wide world +unsurpassed; our literature noble and renowned, ever most glorious when +most manly and daring. + + + + +GREAT CHRIST IS DEAD + + +(1875.) + +We have all heard the wonderful story, recounted by Plutarch in his +treatise on the Cessation of the Oracles, how, in the reign of Tiberius +Cæsar, a ship sailing from Greece to Italy was becalmed for the night at +the islet-rock of Paxus in the Ionian Sea, between the Echinades and +Ithaca, when a loud and terrible voice from the land called Thamous the +pilot. And he having responded at the third appeal, “I am here; what +would you with me?” the voice, grown yet louder and more terrible, +commanded him to announce on arriving at Palodes that Pan the Great was +dead. Accordingly, when the vessel reached this place, whose site I +believe the learned have not yet fixed, Thamous stood on the prow and +lifting his voice shoreward cried, “Pan the Great is dead!”—whereon were +heard great moanings and lamentations, mysterious and multitudinous. Not +having Plutarch at hand, I have refreshed my memory from Rabelais, who +repeats this well-authenticated story by the mouth of Pantagruel, in the +twenty-eighth chapter of the fourth book of his inestimable work, +following soon on that tempest of all tempests wherein Friar John and +Panurge so variously distinguished themselves. The good Pantagruel goes +on to expound the story after his own manner, thinking that it referred +not to the heathen god Pan, but to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, +“ignominiously put to death by the envy and iniquity of the pontiffs, +doctors, presbyters, and monks of the Mosaic dispensation....” + +For with good right may he in the Greek tongue be called Pan, seeing +that he is our All; all we are, all we live, all we have, all we hope, +is him, in him, of him, by him. He is the good Pan, the great +Shepherd.... at whose death were moanings, sighs, trepidations and +lamentations in all the machine of the universe, heavens, earth, sea, +hells. With this my interpretation the time agrees. For that most good, +most great Pan, our only Savior, died at Jerusalem, reigning in Rome +Tiberius Caesar.—Pantagruel, these words said, rested in silence and +profound contemplation. A little while after we saw the tears rolling +from his eyes, large as ostrich eggs. I give myself to God if I lie in a +single word.” Notwithstanding the thrilling pathos of this close, and my +deep reverence for Rabelais, with whom no commentator in holy orders +known to me can be compared, except Dean Swift, I am inclined on this +point to follow the ordinary opinion that Pan the great god whose death +was thus miraculously announced was the Pan of the heathen Greeks. +Christ had died, but only _pro tem_; had descended into Hell, but with a +return ticket, and simply to harry that realm of Old Harry; in three +days he had risen from the dead, in forty more ascended into Heaven; his +reign had begun and the reign of the old gods was ended; the spirit was +exalted ana the flesh brought low, this world and life were contemned +for the life and world to come; Nature, the All, the great Pan, was +annulled, and the Supernatural Nothing throned supreme. The poets have +chanted this momentous revolution according to their religion, their +phantasy, or their mood. Milton in his Hymn on the Nativity shouts harsh +Puritanical scorn on the oracles stricken dumb, and the deities +overthrown. Shelley in a magnificent chorus of “Hellas,” “Worlds on +worlds are rolling ever,” contests not the justice of their doom, while +in the final chorus he predicts the same doom for their conqueror in his +turn, In our own day Mr. Swinburne in the “Hymn to Proserpine,” and +elsewhere, has bewailed the dead immortals, with nothing but aversion +and contempt for the pale Galilean, the “ghastly glories of saints, dead +limbs of gibbeted gods.” Leopardi an early poem “To Spring,” beautiful +but not of his deepest, regrets the banished divinities, and since the +halls of Olympus are void, appeals to Nature to restore to his spirit +its first fire, if she indeed lives. Schiller in his “Gods of Greece” +passionately laments them; and Mrs. Browning more passionately answers +him, crying, “God himself is the best Poet, and the Real is his song and +the Real we accept perforce in its fulness, but discern not how it can +derive from an unreal God. Novalis in his “Hymns to the Night” laments +with Schiller the unsouling of Nature, “bound in iron chains by arid +number and rigorous rule;” but goes on to celebrate the resurrection of +Humanity in Christ. Heine in his. “Gods of Greece,” after declaring in +his wild way that he has never loved the old deities, that to him the +Greek are repugnant, and the Romans thoroughly hateful, yet avows that +when he considers how dastardly and windy are the gods who overcame +them, the new reigning sorrowful gods, malignant in their sheep’s, +clothing of humility, he feels ready to fight for the former against +these. This change of the celestial dynasty is indeed a favorite theme +with him. Elsewhere he pictures the Olympians holding high revelry, with +nectar and ambrosia, with Apollonian music and inextinguishable +laughter, when suddenly a wretched Jew staggers in, his brow bleeding +from a crown of thorns, trailing on his shoulder a heavy cross, which he +heaves upon the banquet table; and forthwith the revel is no more, the +divine feast disappears, the everburning lights are quenched, the +triumphant gods and goddesses vanish terror-smitten, dethroned for ever +and ever. And again, in his incomparable “Gods in Exile,” he tells us +what became of these dispersed Olympians during the Dark Ages, in the +thick night of the noontide of Christianity; how they were transformed +from celestial to infernal by the monstrous superstition of that baleful +era; as we find the hoofs and horns of Pan transferred to the Devil +himself; as we find Venus in that legend of Tannhauser which has +fascinated so many poets, as well as great Wagner,— + + Vénus, ma belle déesse, + Vous êtes diablesse! + +More than eighteen hundred years have passed since the death of the +great god Pan was proclaimed; and now it is full time to proclaim the +death of the great god Christ. Eighteen hundred years make a fairly long +period even for a celestial dynasty; but this one in its perishing must +differ from all that have perished before it, seeing that no other can +succeed it; the throne shall remain void for ever, the royalty of the +Heavens be abolished. Fate, in the form of Science, has decreed the +extinction of the gods. Mary and her babe must join Venus and Love, Isis +and Horus; living with them only in the world of art. Jesus on his cross +must dwindle to a point, even in the realms of legend under Prometheus +on Caucasus. For ages already the Father has been as spectral as +Jupiter; for ages already the Holy Ghost has been but the shadow of a +shade. And the last, not least, member of the Divine Royal Family, Satan +the Prince of Darkness, Prince of this World, and Prince of the Powers +of the Air, is no more alive than Pluto, who also was born brother to +the Monarch of Heaven. The Hebrew dynasty of the gods is no more; it has +done much evil in its long sovranty, which we will try to forget now it +ceases to reign; it has done some little good, whose remembrance we will +cherish when it is sepulchred, Christ the Great is dead, but Pan the +Great lives again, as Mr. Maccall told us in some lines published in +this paper several years ago. Pan lives, not as a God, but as the All, +Nature, now that the oppression of the Supernatural is removed. I may be +told that Christianity is yet alive and flourishing, that its priesthood +and its churches hold possession of Europe and America and Australia. So +the priesthood and the shrines of the Olympians kept possession of the +Roman Empire centuries after the crucifixion of Jesus. When the spirit +of a faith has departed, that faith is dead, and its burial is only a +question of time. When the noblest hearts worship not at its altars, +when the most vigorous intellects abandon its creeds, the knell of its +doom has rung. At the risk of being thought bigoted or prejudiced, I +must avow that to my mind the decomposition of Christianity is so +offensively manifest and advanced, that, with the exception of a very +few persons whose transcendent genius could throw a glamor of glory over +any creed however crude and mean, and whom I recognise as far above my +judgment, I can no longer give my esteem to any educated man who has +investigated and still professes this, religion, without grave deduction +at the expense of his heart, his intellect, or his conscience, if not of +all three. Miraculous voices are not heard in these days; but everywhere +myriads of natural voices are continually announcing to us, and +enjoining us to announce to others, Great Christ is dead! + + + + +RESURRECTION AND ASCENSION OF JESUS + + +(1876.) + +In reviewing Mr. R. H. Hutton’s Essay on “Christian Evidences, Popular +and Critical,” I was obliged to follow his lead, joining issue on such +pleas as he put forward. Thus with regard to the resurrection of Jesus, +as Mr. Hutton adduced what he thought confirmatory evidence only from +the New Testament itself, I confined myself to showing or attempting to +show that such evidence is unsubstantial. But I could not consider this +argument adequate or conclusive, for there are large general +considerations of incomparably greater importance which it leaves out +altogether. It is as if a case ruled by broad principles of equity were +to be decided on the narrowest technical grounds. Therefore, while +confident that even on these grounds the case must go against the +Christian believer, I wish to add a few words on its wider relations, in +order that the decision may be established, not merely by the letter of +the law, but also by the spirit of justice. + +We leave thus the torturing of texts in the dim cells of the theological +Inquisition, a process by which almost any confession required can be +and has been wrung from the unfortunate victims, and emerge into the +open daylight of common-sense and reason. And here I venture to assert +that if the story of the resurrection and ascension were recorded of any +other than Jesus in any other sacred book than the Bible, Mr. Hutton and +all other intelligent Christians would not only disbelieve it, but would +not even condescend to investigate it, condemning it offhand as too +preposterous to be worthy of serious attention. Thus, what Christian has +ever deigned to examine critically the marvels affirmed in the Koran, +such as Mohammed’s visit to heaven; although the Koran can be traced far +more surely to the Prophet of Islam than can the Gospels to their +reputed authors, and this Prophet bears a far higher character for +truthfulness than do the early Christians? Nay, what Bibliolater has +ever seriously weighed the evidence for the miracles of his fellow +Christian the great St. Bernard; such as those which are minutely +related and solemnly attested by ten eye-witnesses, men well known and +of unimpeached veracity, and which are thus infinitely better attested +than any miracle in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation? + +Your enlightened Protestant simply shrugs his shoulders at all such +stories, and says with a superior smile: “Of course, mere imposture and +collusion, or superstition and delusion; no sensible man can afford to +waste his time in weighing that sort of stuff; we don’t think twice +before determining whether the impossible ever really occurred.” How, +then, can this enlightened Protestant receive without question the +miracles of the Jewish books while rejecting without question all +others? We have seen that it cannot be because of any superiority of +evidence for the former, since the evidence for the latter is in many +cases infinitely greater and better authenticated, and since he does not +attempt to weigh evidence before either accepting or rejecting, though +he may seek evidence and argument to confirm what he has already given +himself to believe. He accepts the Jewish miracles simply because they +have come down to him, through many generations of his forefathers, +invested with a glamor of sanctity, and he regards them with the eye of +faith which sees, and sees not, just what it wishes; he rejects miracles +not in the Bible because they come to him without any hallowed +associations, and he regards them with the eye of reason which beholds +the plain facts before it, and neither wishes nor is able to avoid +beholding them. + +It is worth noting that while our Christian advocates insist with all +their might, such as it is, upon the resurrection of Jesus, they +willingly pass over as lightly as possible, if they do not altogether +ignore, a similar miracle guaranteed by the very same authority. In +Matt, xxvii., 52, 53, it stands recorded among the marvels following the +death of Jesus: “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the +saints which slept arose, and came out of their graves after his +resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.” The +reader of Shakespeare will remember the prodigies anterior to the death +of Julius Cæsar when— + + “The sheeted dead + Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets.” + +This prodigal multiplicity and superfluity of resurrections seems to +have been not a little embarrassing to modern Christian champions, +though doubtless it did not in the least trouble the primitive +non-scientific believers, to whom nothing was more natural than the +unnatural, including the supernatural and the infranatural. An apologist +of our days who _must_ affirm the one resurrection, seeing that his +whole religion is based upon it, and who, though valiantly defying +science, seeks to conciliate historical possibility, finds his task +quite heavy enough in accounting for the facts that the risen Jesus “was +seen of above five hundred brethren at once,” and yet that no record of +his rising can be found beyond the limits of the New Testament. But the +difficulties of the poor apologist are enormously increased if he must +further contend that many bodies of the saints came out of their graves, +and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many, and still there is +no external evidence. We are surely at the utmost limits of the possible +in conceiving that Jesus could appear unto five hundred of the brethren +at once (there is no hint elsewhere that he had so many permanent +followers in his lifetime; in Acts i., 15, we find that there were about +one hundred and twenty gathered after the ascension), without the +priests and the Roman officials hearing of the apparition and +investigating it. But if many others rose from their graves and appeared +to many, it is absolutely impossible that anyone in Jerusalem could be +ignorant of the miracle; equally impossible that Pilate and his officers +did not investigate it, and equally impossible that finding it real he +did not report it with the evidence to Rome, for the Empire was a +thoroughly organised State, and the Romans were a thoroughly practical +and business-like people. Once in the imperial archives, the record of +the miracle would have spread everywhere; all subsequent historians +would have related it, all subsequent writers referred to it. So it is +no wonder that, recoiling from these manifold impossibilities, the +Christian advocates prefer to dwell on the one resurrection as if it +were unique, and avoid dwelling on the others that by the very same +testimony immediately followed it. It is very significant that neither +in the Acts nor in the Epistles is there any allusion to these +resurrections. When Peter and the others were preaching the resurrection +of Christ, why did they not adduce and produce some of these many, risen +saints, whose visible, tangible, living and speaking evidence would have +been irresistible? + +Just as the resurrection of Jesus could be accepted without misgiving by +the non-scientific early Christians, to whom miracles appeared among the +most frequent occurrences of life, so could the ascension. Their earth +was a plane, vaulted by the sky, lamped by the little sun and moon and +stars; above this vault was Heaven, where their God dwelt enthroned; +they knew nothing of the law of gravitation; their Christ, standing in +the flesh on the Mount of Olives, floated up through this vault to sit +enthroned beside his Father in the most natural supernatural manner. We +can conceive and sympathise with this simple faith; but it is hard to +conceive and sympathise with the blind faith, which seems wilfully +blind, of the modem educated Christians. It has been often remarked that +Copernicus and Kepler and Newton have destroyed all the old mythologies, +including of course the mythology of both the Old and New Testaments. +With the earth no longer the universe of mortal life, between a Heaven +above its domed firmament and a Hades like a vast dungeon beneath, but a +quite infinitesimal grain of sand involved by an infinitesimal drop of +dew, floating and revolving in an ocean of space boundless in heighth +and depth and breadth, amidst innumerable other spherules, most of which +visible are very much greater than itself, and at inconceivable +distances from it; with man no longer the lord of the creation, for +whose service all things were made, but an animalcule inexpressibly +small, living for a moment inexpressibly brief, with limitless time +before his beginning and limitless time beyond his end; the Christian +mythology and system, among others, because ineffably absurd. Where is +the Heaven for its God? where the Hell for its Devil? Where is above? +Where beneath? Whence came the winged angels, with their wrings which +would not enable them to fly? + +If Jesus had ascended and continued to ascend with the speed of light, +he might be ascending now and go 011 ascending for millions and millions +of years, and still not reach a heavenly region beyond the range of our +telescopes I And think of the scheme of the Atonement in the system of +the universe, as we are learning to know it now—try to conceive an +infinite and eternal God of this infinite and eternal Whole sacrificing +his only son for the salvation of us most insignificant insects on our +most insignificant earth! The immense conceptions of science dwarf these +petty conceptions of mythology to a littleness which reduces them +beneath consideration, which in our days reduces them even beneath +contempt. + +Naturally the churches have always hated and resisted science, and the +theologians have seldom dared to face its conclusions. They ignore the +immensities, and confine their vision to the pages of a single book, to +a history whose chronology counts not six thousand years. But, as I have +remarked, even this minute field they cannot hold against the sceptic, +who has made them abandon all the rest of the universe. Why did their +risen Lord only slink about among his own disciples, appearing to these +but at flying instants: why did he not, with his well-known features and +with the wounds of the nails and the spear in his body, confront the +chief priests and Pilate and the whole of Jerusalem, and compel them to +acknowledge and bear enduring witness to his resurrection? Why did he +not summon all the people from the highest to the lowest to the solemn +spectacle of his ascension, securing multitudinous and permanently +recorded evidence such as none of us could doubt? We might go on asking +Why? and Why? and Why? in this fashion on a hundred points, confident +that to not one of our questions could the Christian apologist give a +straightforward and satisfactory answer. As the scheme of the Atonement +is presented to us, God sacrificed his only son that all mankind might +be saved through belief in him; yet not merely neglected to secure +trustworthy evidence and certain record of this supreme fact and the +miracles attesting it, but adopted every means possible to make the +evidence untrustworthy, the record uncertain, the miracles and the +sacrifice incredible. + + + + +SOME MUSLIM LAWS AND BELIEFS + + +(1876.) + +The following notes are drawn from E. W. Lane’s charming and instructive +“Manners and Customs of the Modem Egyptians” (fifth and standard ed., +1860), a worthy companion to Sir Gardner Wilkinson’s book on the Ancient +Egyptians, and written about forty years since, before +steam-communication had materially changed that people. The muédoins, +whose summons to prayer is one of the few audible charms of the East to +a western, are generally chosen from the blind, in order that the harems +and terraces of houses may not be overlooked from the minarets. _Our_ +callers to prayer are generally blind also; but this is because few +clearsighted men will in these days accept the office. The imams or +priests and other religious officials are all paid from the funds of +their respective mosques, and not by any contributions exacted from the +people: a lesson to us with our State Church. The imâms have no +authority above other persons, and enjoy no respect save for reputed +learning and piety; they are not a distinct order of men set apart for +the ministry, but may resign or be displaced, losing with the office the +title of imâm; they chiefly obtain their living by other means than +service in the mosque (for which their salaries are as a rule only about +a shilling a month), many of them being tradesmen: here surely are +several good lessons for us. The mosques are open all day, and the great +mosque El-Azhar all night; the Muslims have great reverence for them, +yet in many of the larger ones persons lounge, chat, eat, sleep, spit, +sew, etc.: another lesson to us with our churches nearly always closed +and useless. The Muslim does not abstain from business on the Friday, +his Sabbath, except during the time of prayer, and for this he has the +authority of the Kur-ân: when will our bigoted Sabbatarians learn so +much liberal wisdom from him? The Prophet did not forbid women to attend +public prayers in the mosques, but pronounced it better for them to pray +in private; in Cairo they are not admitted to the public prayers, it +being thought that their presence would inspire a wrong sort of +devotion. The result is that few women in Egypt pray at all. If ours +were in like case, how many churches and chapels would attract large +congregations? The Egyptians, like the modern Arabs, are not a truthful +people, but there are some oaths which few would falsely take; such as +swearing three times by “God the Great,” or on a copy of the Kur-ân “By +what this contains of the word of God!”—I wonder whether the Christian +Englishmen are few who falsely swear by God and on the Bible. Mr. Lane +witnessed many instances of forbearance in persons of the middle and +lower classes when grossly insulted; and often heard an Egyptian say on +receiving a blow from an equal, “God bless thee,” “God requite thee +good,” “Beat me again”: how many of the Christians obey in like manner +one of the plainest precepts of Christ? In general a quarrel terminates +by one or both of them saying “Justice is against me”; often after this +they recite together the first chapter of the Kur-ân; and then, +sometimes, embrace and kiss one another. If a similar custom prevailed +here there would be little serious quarrelling; for the men would all +avoid disputes save with pretty girls and charming women, and would +always make it up very quickly with them. The Muslim believes that there +have been six great Prophets and Apostles—Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, +Jesus, Mohammed; each of whom received a revealed law or system of +religion and morality, each of the first five abrogated and superseded +by the next, though all were the same in essentials. Thus the Jews from +the time of Moses to that of Christ, and the Christians (if they did not +accept the corrupt and idolatrous doctrine of the divinity of Jesus) +from the time of Christianity to that of Mohammed, were true believers. +Of course the last is the greatest Prophet, and since his revelation the +Muslims only have been the faithful. The Pentateuch, Psalms and Gospels, +though of divine origin, have been so much altered as to contain very +little of the true Word of God; but the Kur-ân is supposed to have +suffered no essential change whatever. Jesus was born of a pure virgin +by the miraculous operation of God, without any father human or divine. +When he had fulfilled the object of his mission, he was taken up to God +from the Jews who sought to slay him, and another man, on whom God had +stamped the likeness of Jesus, was crucified in his stead. He will come +again upon earth, to establish the Muslim religion and perfect peace and +security, after having killed Anti-Christ, and to be a sign of the +approach of the last day. In all these doctrines the Muslims are +decidedly more consistent and liberal, as well as somewhat less +superstitious than the Christians, with their God-man and trinity in +unity, their damnation of Mohammed as a mere impostor and of his +religion, El Islam, as a vile fabrication of stolen materials. “The +Egyptians pay a superstitious reverence not to imaginary beings alone: +they extend it to certain individuals of their own species; and often to +those who are justly the least entitled to such respect. An _idiot_ or a +_fool_ is vulgarly regarded by them as a being whose mind is in heaven, +while his grosser part mingles among ordinary mortals; consequently, he +is considered an especial favorite of heaven. Whatever enormities a +reputed saint may commit (and there are many who are constantly +infringing precepts of their religion) such acts do not affect his fame +for sanctity: for they are considered as the results of the abstraction +of his mind from worldly things; his soul, or reasoning faculties, being +wholly absorbed in devotion, so that his passions are left without +control. Lunatics who are dangerous to society are kept in confinement; +but those who are harmless are generally regarded as saints. _Most of +the reputed saints of Egypt are either lunatics, or idiots, or +impostors._” wonder whether this applies at all, and if it does, to what +extent, to the countless saints of our Most Holy Catholic Church of +Christendom. In Egypt, as in other countries of the East, Muslims, +Christians, and Jews adopt each other’s superstitions, while they abhor +the leading doctrines of each other’s faith. “In sickness, the Muslim +sometimes employs Christian and Jewish priests to pray for him: the +Christians and Jews, in the same predicament, often call in Muslim +saints for the like purpose!” So much human nature is there in man, not +to speak of woman. The Muslims profoundly reverence the Kur-ân, yet will +quote it on the most trivial occasions in jest as well as on the most +important in earnest. They are generally fond of conversing on religion +among themselves; and the most prevalent mode of entertaining a party of +guests among the higher middle classes, in Cairo, is the recital of the +whole of the Kur-ân, which is chanted by special persons hired for the +purpose, or other religious exercises. This chanting of the Kur-ân takes +up about nine hours. When will our fashionable Bibliolaters issue +invitations for the treat of hearing poor curates or scripture readers +intone the whole of the Bible, or even so much of it at a time as might +be got through in nine hours? When, oh when? + +Ladies will learn with approval that it is thought improper, and even +disreputable, for a man to be single. Mr. Lane was a bachelor during his +first two visits to Egypt; and in the former of these, having to change +his residence, engaged another house. The lease was duly signed and some +money paid in advance, but the inhabitants of the neighborhood (who were +mostly descendants of the Prophet) would not have an unmarried man in +their midst. The agent said they would gladly admit him if he would but +purchase a female slave, thus redeeming himself from the opprobrium of +not possessing a wife of some sort. He managed to secure a house in a +less scrupulous quarter, but had to engage that no creature wearing a +hat should visit him. The Sheykh or chief of this quarter often urged +him to marry; Lane objected that he intended to live in Egypt only a +year or two longer. The Sheykh answered, with great moral force and +earnestness, that a handsome young widow a few doors off would be glad +to marry him, on the express understanding that he should divorce her on +going away; while of course he could do so earlier if she did not suit +him. Now this young widow, in spite of her religion and veil, had +several times contrived (the Sage saith that there is nothing a woman +cannot contrive, except to refrain from contriving) to let our Oriental +Englishman catch a glimpse of her very pretty face; and the miserable +bachelor was reduced to plead that she was the very last woman he would +like to marry _pro tempore_, for he felt sure that once wed he could +never make up his mind to part with her. Doubtless all our single men, +and especially our Christian young men, would much rather be deemed +disreputable and denied decent lodgings than establish their character +for virtue and respectability by buying female slaves, however cheap, or +marrying nice young widows divorcible at pleasure! + +As to polygamy, Mr. Lane remarks that it can only be defended as +preventing a greater immorality than it occasions; and that Mohammed, +like Moses, did not introduce but limited and regulated it. The ancient +Egyptians had but one wife each, though they might have slave +concubines. Polygamy, however, is rare, and rarer among the upper and +middle classes than the lower; “I believe that not more than one husband +in twenty has two wives.” The mere sentence, “I give myself up to thee,” +uttered by a female to a man who proposes to become her husband (even +without the presence of witnesses, if none can easily be procured) +renders her his legal wife if arrived at puberty. A man may divorce his +wife twice, and each time take her back without any ceremony, unless she +has paid for it by resigning the reserved third of the dowry, furniture, +etc.; but if he divorces her the third time, or puts her away by a +triple divorce conveyed in one sentence, he cannot receive her again +until she has been, married and divorced by another husband, who must +have consummated his marriage with her. To divorce her, he simply has to +say, “Thou art divorced,” or “I divorce thee”; but the woman cannot +separate herself from her husband against his will, unless it be for +some considerable fault on his side, such as cruel treatment or neglect. +The facility of divorce has depraving effects, upon both sexes. Many men +in the course of ten years have married twenty, thirty, or more wives; +and women not far advanced in age have been wives to a dozen or more +successively. “I have heard of men who have been in the habit of +marrying a new wife almost every month.” But such conduct is generally +regarded as very disgraceful; and few persons in the upper or middle +classes would give a daughter in marriage to a person who had divorced +many wives. + +The women deem it more incumbent to cover the upper and back part of the +head than the face; and more requisite to conceal the face than most +parts of the person. Many among the lower classes never conceal their +faces; women may often be seen with nothing but a narrow strip of rag +round the hips. The face-veils have the advantage of leaving the eyes +visible, which are generally the most beautiful of the features; fine +figures being more common than altogether handsome faces; though some +faces are of a beauty distinguished by such sweetness of expression that +they seem the perfection of female loveliness, “and impressed me at the +time with the idea that their equal could not be found in any other +country.” The women of Cairo are less strictly guarded than in most +Eastern lands; wives are proud of the restraint as showing that the +husbands value them highly, looking upon themselves as hidden treasures. +To such an absurd extent do Muslims carry their feeling of the +sacredness of women that entrance into the tombs of some women is +forbidden to men; and a man and woman are never buried in the same +vault, without a wall between them—as if their very corpses might get up +to mischief. For adultery on the part of the woman the Kur-ân prescribes +death by stoning, but drowning is generally substituted. Unless detected +by an officer of justice _four eye-witnesses are required_; failing +these, the accuser is to be scourged with eighty stripes. This +extraordinary law is traced to an accusation of adultery against the +Prophet’s favorite wife “Aïsheh,” who was thus absolved from punishment, +and subsequent revelations established her innocence. If we had a +similar law here we might close our Divorce Court. If a husband without +any witnesses accuses his wife of adultery, he must swear four times by +God that he speaks the truth, and the fifth time imprecate God’s curse +on himself if he is a liar; but the wife can counterbalance this by +swearing four times by God that he is a liar, and the fifth time +imprecating God’s wrath on herself if he speaks the truth. The +commentators and lawyers have agreed that in this dilemma the marriage +must be dissolved. When a peasant woman is found to have been unfaithful +to her husband, in general he or her brother throws her into the Nile, +with a stone tied to her neck; or cuts her to pieces and then throws +these into the river. In most instances a father or brother punishes in +the same manner an unmarried daughter or sister who has been guilty of +incontinence. These relatives are considered more disgraced than the +husband by the crime of the woman; and are often despised if they do not +thus punish her. Women in easy circumstances are put to bed for from +three to six days after childbirth; but poor women in the same case +seldom take to bed at all, and after a day or two resume their ordinary +occupations, if these do not require great exertion. + +The law of inheritance is remarkable in two respects; primogeniture is +not privileged, and in most cases the share of a female is half that of +a male in the same degree of relationship. A debtor is only kept +imprisoned for debt if he cannot prove himself insolvent; but if able, +he may be made work out what he owes. Apostacy from the faith is death +if not recanted on three warnings. Blasphemy against God or any of the +Great Prophets, whether repented or not, is instant death: on the ground +that apostacy or infidelity is but ignorance and misjudgment, while +blasphemy shows utter depravity. If Christians blaspheming Mohammed were +punished as are Muslims blaspheming Christians, what a number of our +enlightened clerical teachers would have died the death of malefactors! + +The Copts, or descendants of the ancient Egyptians, said to number about +150,000, are Christians, but scarcely a credit to that religion whose +votaries boast of its civilising and elevating character. The fact is +that in advanced countries the Christianity has been civilised by the +Secularism, not the Secularism by the Christianity; in countries where +the sciences and arts are stationary or retrograde, Christianity proves +that it has in itself no motive-power, and is generally even more +degraded than the other superstitions around it. Mr. Lane almost +despaired of learning anything about these Copts, until he had the good +fortune to become acquainted with a character of which he had doubted +the existence—a Copt of a liberal as well as an intelligent mind. They +hate the Greeks and all other Christians not of their own sect much +worse than they hate the Muslims themselves. The priests are supported +only by alms or by their own industry. Their language is a dead one. +They pray seven times a day, in the course of these reciting the whole +Book of Psalms, as well as chapters of the Bible, prayers, etc.: a fine +example to their lax co-religionists here. They have long and arduous +fasts. In spite or because of all this, they bear a very bad character +as sullen, avaricious, abominable dissemblers, cringing or domineering +according to circumstances. The one respectable Copt discovered by Lane +admitted that they are generally ignorant, faithless, worldly, sensual, +and drunken; he declared that the Patriarch was a tyrant and suborner of +false witnesses; that the monks and priests in Cairo are seen every +evening begging and asking the loan of money, which they never repay, at +the houses of their parishioners and other acquaintances, and procuring +brandy if possible wherever they call. So much for our esteemed +fellow-Christians in Egypt, descendants of what in heathen times was +long the foremost nation in the world. + +“Women are not to be excluded from paradise, according to the faith of +El Islam; though it has been asserted by many Christians, that the +Muslims believe women to have no soul. In several places in the Kur-ân, +Paradise is promised to all true believers.” They will be admitted by +God’s mercy on account of their faith, not of their good works; but +their felicity there will be proportioned to their good works. The very +meanest male in Paradise is promised eighty thousand beautiful youths as +servants, and seventy-two wives of the daughters of Paradise. These +celestial virgins we commonly call houris, but learned and accurate +Mr-Lane terms them hooreeyehs, vividly suggesting that the Muslim saints +burst into rapturous and prolonged hoorays on first perceiving them. He +may also have the wives he had here below, if he wants them; and +doubtless the good will desire the good. On behalf of the earthly fair +sex, I must emphatically protest against this part of the heavenly +arrangements. How do we know that the good husband will desire the good +wife, however good, when he has two-and-seventy maidens of Paradise all +to himself? The trust that he will, cannot be trusted; it is a +perfidious consolation to poor women. No wonder Muslim wives are +obsequious, when it depends on the will, pleasure or caprice of their +husbands whether they shall be re-married in the other world or not. +Mrs. Caudle herself would scarcely hazard a curtain lecture with this +atrocious alternative in prospect. Try to fancy being an old-maid or +grass-widow for ever and ever where all the men are very much married, +having six dozen wives each at the very lowest! Such a heaven to a good +woman were ten times crueller than hell. When the Muslim women have been +aroused to a sense of their rights, they will insist on being treated in +the next world on equal terms with the men: the meanest woman of the +faithful (supposing any woman can be mean) shall have her eighty +thousand beautiful servants, and her seventy-two husbands of the youths +of Paradise, resplendent, adoring, ever obedient. This settled first, it +will be a question for consideration between herself and her terrene +spouse whether they shall combine their several establishments, or agree +to be divorced by death. But I digress; women always lead us into +digressions, only these are usually much more interesting than the dusty +high-road along which it is our business to trudge. The meanest of +Muslims will further have a very large tent bejewelled with pearls, +jacinths and emeralds. He will be waited on by three hundred attendants +while he eats, and served in dishes of gold, whereof three hundred shall +be set before him at once, each containing a different kind of food, +“the last morsel of which will be as grateful as the first.” This +absence of satiety, this ever-fresh vigor, I believe, is to mark all his +enjoyments, however freely he may indulge in them. Though wine is +forbidden in this life, he may drink of it _ad libitum_ in the next, and +the wine of Paradise doth not inebriate. He shall have perpetual youth, +and as many children as he may desire. He shall be ravished with the +songs of the angel Israfeel, “whose heart-strings are a lute, and who +has the sweetest voice of all God’s creatures.” I really cannot go on; +my feelings are too much for me. I remember when young being taught to +sing (or rather to squall; for my voice could never have been mistaken +for that of the angel Isrâfeel, even by a frequenter of revival meetings +or music halls): + + “I thank the goodness and the grace (grays?) + Which on my birth have smiled, + And made me in these Christian days (dace?) + A happy English child.’* + +But now that I am a man, this same consideration fills me with bitterest +sorrow and anguish, so that I am ready to bellow: + + I curse the evil and disgrace + Which have my birth defiled, + Who would have been in other case + A happy Muslim child! + +Yea, when I contrast these glowing and glorious prospects held out to +the faithful by the Kur-ân, with the everlasting singing in white +night-gowns, amidst the howling of elders and composite beasts all over +eyes (what our Heine terms “all the menagerie of the Apocalypse”), in +adoration of a God like a jasper and sardine stone to look upon, and of +a Lamb with seven horns and seven eyes; then do I wring my hands and +beat my breast and tear my hair, sighing and sobbing, moaning and +groaning, weeping and lamenting most piteously—Alas! and alas! and alas! +why was I bom in a Christian land and reared for the Christian Heaven? +Would that I had been born among the Muslims and brought up in the faith +of El Islâm! So should I be now looking forward (for from such a +generous faith never, never would I have lapsed) unto a Paradise worthy +of the name; revelling in anticipations of four-score thousand servants, +uncloying courses of three hundred dishes, unlimited strong wine without +inebriation, six-dozen wives of the refulgent celestial virgins, aging +not themselves, aging not me; perpetual youth, unsating and unexhausting +raptures, for ever, and ever, and ever; and instead of having to sing my +own throat hoarse, I should have the angel Isrâfeel to sing for me. Ah, +dear God! Thou most Compassionate! Thou most Bountiful! Thou to whom all +things are possible! grant that I may even yet be converted from a +doleful Christian infidel into a blessed Muslim true believer! O God the +All-merciful, save me from the terrors and tortures of our Sankey and +Moody Christian heaven! O God the All-gracious, let me lie secure in the +arms of six-dozen hooreeyehs of Paradise of El Islam! Amen, and Amen. + + + + +THE CHRISTIAN WORLD AND THE SECULARIST + + +(1876.) + +The _Christian World_ of the 1st inst. has another note on the article +on “Some Muslim Laws and Beliefs.” As Mr. Foote responded to the first +note on behalf of the _Secularist_, I, as the author of the obnoxious +article, which was mainly mere compilation from the work of a Christian +scholar and gentleman, may say a few words on my own behalf in reply to +the second, which is as follows:— + +“A correspondent writes:—In your ‘Notes by the Way’ last week there is a +painful, though not unseasonable, quotation from a writer on ‘Muslim +Laws and Beliefs.’ This, as coming from a Secularist, is deplorable +enough. It is very much more so that the late Viscount Amberley, a son +of a veteran statesman, should in his ‘Analysis of Religious Belief,’ +which might indeed more justly be termed ‘A Panegyric of all Heathen +Beliefs, and a Travesty of that of the Christian,’ have given a like +description of the paradise of the Koran, and should have sneeringly +told us that the Christian Scriptures, in their pictures of the heavenly +life, ‘_strangely overlook this enjoyment_’ of ‘ever virgins’ never +growing old, who are to ‘supply the faithful with the pleasure of love’ +(vide Vol. II., p. 200). This is but a specimen of the disdainful and +derisive tone with which this writer, who at length leaves himself +stranded in a region of the dreariest Atheism, continually speaks of +that Book which what he terms ‘the illusions of our younger days’ might +have taught him o respect.” + +I do not doubt that the quotation was painful to the Christian +correspondent, since it is always painful to have our lifelong +prejudices shocked by those who have never shared them, or who have +attained freedom from their yoke. One might give not a few quotations +from any number of the _Christian World_ which would be very painful to +a pious Muslim. Nor do I doubt that the quotation was not unseasonable, +for quotations from the _Secularist_ must always be seasonable in an +influential Christian periodical, when they tend to expand the Christian +narrowness, and show that there is much to be said in favor of other +beliefs. And I admit that, like many other things coming from a +Secularist, it must have been deplorable enough to a Christian suckled +on the Bible, and assured in his unreflecting ignorance that it is the +one true word of the three-in-one true god. But the correspondent finds +it very much more deplorable that a son of a veteran statesman should +agree with the Secularist—as if the sons of veteran statesmen were +naturally expected to be sunk deeper than other persons in the +prevailing superstition. The correspondent who, we may presume, has +always been taught, and has never doubted, that all heathen beliefs are +wholly devilish, and that the Christian belief is wholly divine, thinks +that Viscount Amberley’s book is a panegyric of the former and a +travesty of the latter. If the unfortunate correspondent had the courage +and intelligence to enter upon a real analysis of religious belief, he +would soon discover that he and his co-religionists have been all along +travestying every form of what they call heathenism. With amusing +simplicity he is astonished that Lord Amberley gives a like description +of the paradise of the Kur-ân to that which I gave in the _Secularist_, +as if he could have been accurate in giving any other, when mine was +drawn from one of the most careful and accurate of writers, the Oriental +Englishman, unequalled in his knowledge of Arabic literature and life! +Why, in the very week following the attack on the _Secularist_, the +_Christian World’s_ twin sister, the _Literary World_ (perhaps incited +thereto by its study of our vilified paper), showed that it had been +reading or dipping into Lane, by an article on him under the queer title +of “A Man of One Book,” he being distinguished for three—“The Manners +and Customs of the Modem Egyptians,” the translation of the “Arabian +Nights,” with its peerless notes, and the monumental “Arabic Lexicon”; +and the said queerly-named article echoed the general praise of his +thoroughness and accuracy, and repeated the statement of those who knew +him, that he was a deeply pious man. I am not concerned with the defence +of Lord Amberley, and shall therefore not follow further the +correspondent’s remarks on his book, save to note that a man who says +that any such writer “leaves himself stranded in a region of the +dreariest Atheism,” proves himself by this one phrase utterly +incompetent to study that word or understand its subject matter; and, as +ignorant and incapable, had better confine himself to the Sunday-school, +the Young Men’s Christian Association, the religious tea-meeting, and +street-corner raving. + +It may be as well to say something on my own account, in addition to the +vigorous remarks of Mr. Foote, in reply to the first note of the +_Christian World_, and vindication of the passage it impugned. And +first, as to the Book of Revelation, which claims to be prophetic, and +stands in our Bible as the work of St. John the Divine. Luther, indeed, +who was not afraid to pass an independent judgment, said, “I look upon +the revelation as neither apostolic nor prophetic;” but it is received +as both by our English Protestants, and continually referred to by them +as the record of a genuine and authentic vision. But I assert, without +fear of contradiction, that if they had never known it, and some +missionary brought home an account of its marvels as belonging to the +faith of some Polynesian islanders, they would be filled with wonder and +compassion at the monstrous superstitions of those poor heathen +barbarians. Yes, Exeter Hall and the readers and writers of the +_Christian World_ itself, would assuredly invoke help to enlighten the +degraded idolaters who believed in a heaven whose God was to look upon +like a jasper and a sardine; in the midst of whose throne, and round +about whose throne, were four beasts—a lion, a calf, a man-faced +monster, an eagle—each with six wings, and full of eyes before and +behind and within; which beasts never rested day nor night from saying, +“Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty;” and which, moreover, worshipped a +lamb with seven horns and seven eyes—a figment more extravagant than the +many-headed and many-armed idols of India. And so with the other +enormities of the Apocalypse. Our civilised gentlemen of the _Christian +World_ can only believe that they believe these things, because hallowed +associations and unreflecting faith blind their judgment to the obvious +absurdity of the imagery and the conspicuous non-fulfilment of the +prophecy, which again and again claims to announce events then at hand, +to come quickly. + +In the next place I assert that the everlasting monotonous singing of +the praises of the lamb, the interminable senseless routine, is not a +whit more spiritual, while infinitely less alluring, than the +occupations of the Mohammedan Paradise. If it be answered that +enlightened Christians have nobler ideas of heaven, I reply that such +anticipations are not warranted by the New Testament, and that +magnanimous Muslims have also nobler anticipations of paradise, for +which there is warrant in the Kur-ân. And while on the subject of +spirituality, I may remark that the pure monotheism of the Muslim and +the Jew is immensely more spiritual, as well as more rational, than the +monotritheism of the Christian, which not only deifies a man, but +juggles with a so-called mystery that cannot be expressed in words +without self-contradiction, cannot be conceived in thought, and, by the +confession of its own apologists, defies reason. + +As to the “hysterical buffoonery,” I have yet to learn that there is +anything hysterical in a jolly burst of Rabelaisian laughter. And as to +the “poor hollow mockery,” I can assure the writer in the _Christian +World_ that the mockery was quite rich, sound and genuine in relation to +the Apocalypse of his idolised book and the popular Protestant Moody and +Sankey heaven. (By the bye, can anyone inform us whether Mr. Sankey is +really a Jew, and not a Christian Jew, as I have heard positively +asserted on Hebrew authority?) As to the “blasphemous irreverence” and +the “horrible and blasphemous invocation,” I deny the possibility of +blasphemy where there is no belief. A man may blaspheme that which he +accounts worthy of reverence, because in speaking evil of it he violates +his own convictions and holiest feelings. But if for me there is no God, +how can I blaspheme him? Speaking contemptuously of him, I but contemn +nothing. If the writer in the _Christian World_ were accused of +blasphemy for reviling Jupiter and Venus, Brahma and Vishnu, Baal and +Moloch, the Goddess of Reason and Mumbo Jumbo, he would reply, I cannot +blaspheme false gods, meaning simply gods in whom he has no faith. Just +so, + +I say that I cannot blaspheme the trinity-in-unity of the Christian, +which to me is non-existent, absurd, impossible. It would be well for +the writers and readers of the _Christian World_ to ponder these things. + + + + +THE ATHANASIAN CREED + + +(1865.) + +On Christmas day, as on all other chief holidays of the year, the +ministers and congregations of our National Church have had the noble +privilege and pleasure of standing up and reciting the creed commonly +called of St. Athanasius. The question of the authorship does not +concern us here, but a note of Gibbon (chapter 37) is so brief and +comprehensive that we may as well cite it:—“But the three following +truths, however strange they may seem, are _now_ universally +acknowledged. 1. St. Athanasius is not the author of the creed which is +so frequently read in our churches. 2. It does not appear to have +existed within a century after his death. 3. It was originally composed +in the Latin tongue, and consequently in the western provinces. +Gennadius, patriarch of Constantinople, was so much amazed by this +extraordinary composition, that he frankly pronounced it to be the work +of a drunken man.” (This Gennadius, by the bye, is the same whom Gibbon +mentions two or three times afterwards in the account of the siege and +conquest of Constantinople by the Turks, a.d. 1453). + +Whoever elaborated the Creed, and whether he did it drunk or sober, the +Church of England has made it thoroughly her own by adoption. + +Yet it must be admitted that many good churchmen, and perhaps even a few +churchwomen, have not loved this adopted child of their Holy Mother as +warmly as their duty commanded. The intelligently pious + +Tillotson wishes Mother Church well rid of the bantling; and poor George +the Third himself, with all his immense genius for orthodoxy, could not +take kindly to it. He was willing enough to repeat all its expressions +of theological faith—in fact, their perfect nonsense, their obstinate +irrationality, must have been exquisitely delightful to a brain such as +his; but he was not without a sort of vulgar manhood, even when +worshipping in the Chapel Royal, and so rather choked at its +denunciations—“for it do curse dreadful.” He could keep the faith whole +and undefiled by reason, yet did not like to assert that all who had +been and were and should in future be in this particular less happy than +himself, must without doubt perish everlastingly. + +On the other hand one of our most liberal Churchmen, Mr. Maurice, has +argued that this creed is essentially merciful, and that its retention +in the Book of Common Prayer is a real benefit. Mr. Maurice, however, as +we all know, interprets “perish everlastingly” into a meaning very +different from that which most members of the Church accept. And his +opinions lose considerably in weight from the fact that no man save +himself can infer any one of them from any other. For example, if you +are cheered up a bit by his notions as to “Eternal” and “Everlasting,” +you are soon depressed again by his pervading woefulness. Of all the +rulers we hear of—the ex-king of Naples, the king of Prussia, the +Elector of Hesse-Cassel, Abraham Lincoln, and the Pope included—the poor +God of Mr. Maurice is the most to be pitied: a God whose world is in so +deplorable a state that the good man who owns Him lives in a perpetual +fever of anxiety and misery in endeavoring to improve it for Him. + +What part of this creed shocks the pious who are shocked at all by it? +Simply the comprehensive damnation it deals out to unbelievers, +half-believers, and all except whole believers. For we do not hear that +the pious are shocked by the confession of theological or theoillogical +faith itself. Their reverence bows and kisses the rod, which we cool +outsiders might fairly have expected to be broken up and flung out of +doors in a fury of indignation. Their sinful human nature is shocked on +account of their fellow-men; their divine religious nature is not +shocked on account of their God: yet does not the creed use God as badly +as man? + +A chemist secures some air, and analyses it into its ultimate +constituents, and states with precise numerals the proportions of +oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid therein. Just so the author of this +creed secures the Divinity and analyses it into Father, Son, and Holy +Ghost, and just as precisely he reports the relations of these. A +mathematician makes you a problem of a certain number divided into three +parts in certain ratios to each other and to the sum, from which ratios +you are to deduce the sum and the parts. Just so the author of this +creed makes a riddle of his God, dividing him into three persons, from +whose inter-relations you are to deduce the Deity. An anatomist gets +hold of a dead body and dissects it exposing the structure and functions +of the brain, the lungs, the heart, etc. Just so the author of this +creed gets possession of the corpse of God (He died of starvation doing +slop-work for Abstraction and Company; and the dead body was purveyed by +the well-known resurrectionist Priestcraft), and cuts it open and +expounds the generation and functions of its three principal organs. But +the chemist does not tell us that oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid +are three gases and yet one gas, that each of them is and is not common +air, that they have each peculiar and yet wholly identical properties; +the mathematician does not tell us that each of the three parts of his +whole number is equal to the whole, and equal to each of the others, and +yet less than the whole and unequal to either of the others; the +anatomist does not tell us that brain and lungs and heart are each +distinct and yet all the same in substance, structure, and function, and +that each is in itself the whole body and at the same time is not: while +the author of this creed does tell us analogous contradictions of the +three members and the whole of his God. And the chemist, the +mathematician, and the anatomist do not damn us (except, perhaps, by way +of expletive at our stupidity) if we fail to understand and believe +their enunciations; but the author of this creed very seriously and +solemnly damns to everlasting perdition all who cannot put faith in his. +In other words, the chemist, the mathematician and the anatomist try to +be as reasonable and tolerant as human nature can hope to be; while the +author of this creed aims at and manages to reach an almost superhuman +unreason and intolerance. + +Giving him the full benefit of this difference, the fact remains that in +other respects he treats his subject just as they treat theirs. He, a +pious Christian, professing unbounded adoration and awe of his Divinity, +coolly analyses and makes riddles of and dissects this Divinity as if it +were a sample of air, a certain number, a dead body. This humble-minded +devotee, who knows so well that he is finite and that God is infinite, +and that the finite cannot conceive, much less comprehend, much less +express the infinite, yet expounds this Infinite with the most complete +and complacent knowledge, turns it inside out and upside down, tells us +all about it, cuts it up into three parts, and then glues it together +again with a glue that has the tenacity of atrocious wrongheadeduess +instead of the coherence of logic, puts his mark upon it, and says, +“This is the only genuine thing in the God line. If you are taken in by +any other, why, go and be damned;” and having done all this, finishes by +chanting “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy +Ghost!” And the pious are not shocked by what they should abhor as +horrible sacrilege and blasphemy; they are shocked only by the “Go, and +be damned,” which is the prologue and epilogue of the blasphemy. Were +the damnatory clauses omitted, it appears that even the most devout +worshippers could comfortably chant the “Glory be to the Father, and to +the Son, and to the Holy Ghost” immediately after they had been thus +degrading Father, Son, and Holy Ghost to the level and beneath the level +of their low human understanding. And these very people are horrified by +the lack of veneration in Atheists and infidels! What infidel ever dealt +with God more contemptuously and blasphemously than this creed has dealt +with him? Can it be expected that sane and sensible men, who have +out-grown the prejudices sucked in with their mothers’ milk, will be +reconverted to reverence a Deity whom his votaries dare to treat in this +fashion? + +Ere we conclude, it may be as well to anticipate a probable objection. +It may likely enough be urged that the author and reciters cf the creed +do not pretend to know the Deity so thoroughly as we have assumed, since +they avouch very early in the creed that the three persons of the +Godhead are one and all incomprehensible. If the word incomprehensible, +thus used, means (what it apparently meant in the author’s mind) +unlimited as to extension, just as the word eternal means unlimited as +to time, the objection is altogether wide of the mark.. But even if the +word incomprehensible be taken to mean (what it apparently means in the +minds of most people who use the creed) beyond the comprehension or +capacity of the human intellect, still the objection is without force. +For in the same sense a tuft of grass, a stone, anything and everything +in the world is beyond the capacity of the human intellect: the roots of +a tuft of grass strike as deeply into the incomprehensible as the +mysteries of the Deity. Relatively this creed tells us quite as much +about God as ever the profoundest botanist can tell us about the grass; +in fact, it tells relatively more, for it implies a knowledge of the +_Final Cause_ of the subsistence of God, which no future botanist can +tell or imply of the grass. + + + + +OUR OBSTRUCTIONS + + +(1877.) + +Walking along the Strand and Fleet Street and through the heart of the +City, noting the churches on the way—high St. Martin’s, St. +Mary-le-Strand, St. Clement Danes, the Cathedral, and the many still +left wedged in by offices in the narrowest and busiest streets, or lanes +of London—I am always reminded of the old wooden ships laid up “in +ordinary,” as one sees them at Plymouth and Portsmouth, and elsewhere. +The churches, like the ships, though not so surely, may have done good +service in their time; but their day is past, never to return. When we +reflect on the subject, however, we find manifold differences between +the state of the churches and that of the ships. These are dismantled, +unrigged and dismasted, passive white hulls ghostly on the waters, as it +were the phantoms of the old swift-winged and thunder-striking eagles of +battle. But the churches remain in all their pride, complete in +equipment from lowest vault to topmost spire, even those which are shut +silent all the week, without the least pretence of use, and in which on +Sunday the droning and drowsy worship of a meagre congregation “rattles +like a withered kernel in a large shell.” Again, the crews of the ships +were discharged as soon as these were put out of commission, while the +full crews of the churches, rectors, vicars, ushers, beadles, are kept +on at full pay, and saunter through the old exercises and parades as if +they were valiant effectives instead of dummies and shams. And this +death-in-life of the churches is more dreary and doleful than the naked +death of the ships. + +These churches officially and effetely represent what is called the +English Reformation, the most ignoble in Europe; which, as Macaulay +remarks, merely transferred the full cup from the hand of the Pope to +the hand of the King, spilling as little,as possible by the way. It is +true that the State Church thus established, in spite of its illogical +position, boasted great men in its early days, inspired by patriotism as +against Rome, with abounding faith for the mysteries, with firm belief +in the Bible, with full confidence in metaphysical divinity. But now +Rome is formidable no longer, the mysteries are seen to be not only +incomprehensible but self-contradictory, the Bible has been torn asunder +by criticism, metaphysical divinity has been proved baseless; all the +best thought of the age abandons the Church and disregards its dogmas; +it has great men no more, nor ever again will have. Its general +character is well hit off by Ruskin, himself a devoted Christian, in the +phrase “the smooth proprieties of lowland Protestantism.”’ It may be +worth while to quote a little more from him on this subject (“Modern +Painters,” part v., chap. 20, “The Mountain Glory”)—“But still the large +aspect of the matter is always, among Protestants, that formalism, +respectability, orthodoxy, caution and propriety, live by the slow +stream that encircles the lowland abbey or cathedral; and that +enthusiasm, poverty, vital faith and audacity of conduct, characterise +the pastor dwelling by the torrent side.” And again: “Among the fair +arable lands of England and Belgium extends an orthodox Protestantism or +Catholicism—prosperous, creditable and drowsy; but it is among the +purple moors of the highland border, the ravines of Mount Genévre, and +the crags of the Tyrol, that we shall find the simplest evangelical +faith and the purest Romanist practice.” In other words, in religion the +highlander is enthusiastic and superstitious, the low-lander lukewarm +and worldly. Thus our fat English Church still keeps to the text, “By +grace ye are saved;” but its grace now is chiefly of deportment. It +boasts that its clergy are gentlemen; and they may be, as a rule, in +society, though we unbelievers seldom find them so in controversy; and +it seems to be persuaded that we should continue to allow it several +million pounds a year to keep up this supply of gentlemen, when every +profession, every trade shows gentlemen quite as good, with the +advantages of more intellect, more experience of life, more courage and +more sincerity. + +There is indeed a section of the clergy full of zeal—to restore the +priesthood. How some of these gentlemen compound with their consciences +in taking English pay and position for doing Romish work, is a standing +puzzle to honest laymen untrained in casuistry. But as they do rank +themselves among the parsons of our State Church, their ecclesiastical +pretensions are even more ludicrous than they are outrageously arrogant. +For ever preaching up the authority and discipline of the Church, they +are the first to rebel against it when it does not suit their whims. +Thus Mr. Tooth, of Hatcham, not only defies an Act of Parliament, but +also defies his bishop, and has plenty of abettors in doing both. I read +in the _Daily News_: “Two of Mr. Tooth’s supporters, whose letters we +have published, insist that the Public Worship Regulation Act is not law +and is not binding on Churchmen, because it has never received the +sanction of Convocation”—the said Convocation having about as much +influence and authority in the country as a tavern discussion society. + +Again: “One writer talks of the Church having been declared to be free +from all civil jurisdiction in spiritual affairs by many successive +Sovereigns. We did not know that our Sovereigns had a right to make laws +by Royal declarations, [and] not merely for their own time, but for all +time. According to these principles of constitutional government we have +three rival law-making powers in England—the Parliament, with the +Sovereign for one; the Declaration of the Sovereign for another; and +Convocation for a third. Of these Parliament would seem to be the +weakest, for it cannot negative the proceedings of the other two; but +either of these two can declare invalid what it has done.” Can anything +be more absurd? Here is a State Church established by Parliament with +the sanction of the monarch, endowed with national endowments, liable to +be disestablished and disendowed by Parliament with the sanction of the +monarch; yet many of its ministers claim to be free from the authority +of the State and Parliament to which it owes its existence and +subsistence! If they really desire such freedom, they can easily obtain +it. They have but to sever their adulterous connexion with the State, +restoring to the nation the endowments they have so long misused, and +they will then be emancipated from all control, at liberty to teach what +doctrines and practise what ritual they please. But these +super-spiritual clergy keep a desperate clutch on the revenues. If +anything could be more absurd than the defiance of Parliament, it would +be the defiance of their ecclesiastical superiors by these champions of +absolute ecclesiastical subordination. His bishop inhibits Mr. Tooth, +Mr. Tooth coolly disregards the inhibition, and one who sympathises with +him calmly writes to the _Daily News_? “Considering how bishops have +been appointed since the Reformation, it is hard to see why Mr. Tooth +and your correspondents should even pretend to obey them.” This is +frightful, and may well make even the hardened sceptic shudder. What! a +genuine successor of the Apostles (else the English Church has no +genuine priesthood) chosen by the Holy Ghost itself (in obedience to the +recommendation of the King or Queen) against his own humble wish (for he +declared _Nolo Episcopari_); and English Churchmen need not even pretend +to obey him! Such is the subordination of those who maintain the extreme +authority of the Church! + +Jesus has told us that a house divided against itself cannot stand, and +the house of our State Church is divided against itself most savagely. +But as the factions, while opposed to each other in all else, thoroughly +agree in adhering to their endowments and privileges, and with this +object shore up and buttress the edifice whose fall would be otherwise +imminent, it behoves us to exert ourselves in bringing to the ground as +speedily as possible the unsure and dangerous building, and diverting +the immense funds misemployed in sustaining its uselessness to the real +edification of the people. For as materially the Church of St. Mary is +planted silent, void and death-like in the midst of the living currents +of the Strand, obstructing and breaking the broad stream into two narrow +arms, so intellectually and morally, in whatever channel our active life +may flow, we find a similar obstacle, and in all directions we meet one +cry—“The Church stops the way.” + +But when we have removed the obstacle, when we have blasted it as the +Americans recently blasted that other rock of Hell-gate, clearing the +entrance to New York’s noble harbor, we shall find another and a more +inveterate obstacle fronting us—a Book. A book seems but a slight thing +to bar the way; but multiplied by millions and millions, and desperately +defended as divine and infallible by legions of zealots, it constitutes +a far more formidable barricade than the stoutest church of stone. The +various sects of Nonconformists, who all join with us in attacking the +State Church, will all join the Churchmen to maintain against us their +common fetish, the Bible. Regarding this as a human production, there is +much of it which we highly esteem; but regarded as the word of God, it +works far more evil than good, and the evil is ever increasing while the +good decreases; for the revelations of science grow ever more clear, and +men must more and more strain their consciences and sophisticate their +intellects in order to believe that they believe in the super-human +character of the book which reason and science show to be so thoroughly +human. We are told by men whom we respect that, considered historically, +Christianity and the other great religions merit better treatment than +we are wont to accord them. Certainly they merit better treatment than +is accorded them by those who crudely brand them all alike, in all their +doctrines and legends and ritual, as the mere inventions of priestcraft +fostered by kingcraft and statecraft. But we are far from committing +ourselves to such an impeachment, not less monstrous than the most +monstrous superstition it assails. We freely recognise the naturalness +of these religions in the past, their genuine consonance with the +communities wherein they arose and prevailed; the sincerity and truth +and nobleness formulated, however erroneously, in many of their dogmas, +embodied, however imperfectly, in many of their myths; but we see that +their day is gone by; we cannot allow the past, which was the real +childhood and youth of mankind, to dominate the present, which is its +riper age; we discern that the errors of the dogmas and the fiction of +the myths are now so obvious and incontestable that to revere them as +faultless and authentic is a gross self-delusion. When we say—“The tree +is dead; cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground?” we do not imply that +it never bore good fruit. On the other hand, when we admit that it once +bore good fruit, we do not imply that it is not now dead and an +encumbrance to the ground. It is precisely because we do consider these +old faiths historically, because we fully recognise their early +efficiency and vigor, that we can thoroughly realise their decrepitude +and dissolution. And taking western Christianity in particular, both the +Roman embodied in Mary and the Protestant embodied in Jesus, we affirm +that it has no longer real life, but only the “ghastly affectation of +life.” Reason and science have disembowelled it, have removed its heart +and its brain. It is ready for the historical embalmer. Its great part +in the drama of human life is played out; it is still kept above ground, +its life still asserted, because large numbers would lose much by the +frank acknowledgement of its decease, and other large numbers who cannot +bring themselves to face the fact of its death, persist in hoping +against hope that the lifelessness is hut a swoon or a cataleptic fit, +from which it will yet awaken with renewed strength. We, however, dare +to see what we cannot help seeing, we venture to avow the fact which is +beyond fair dispute. Doubtless the living man did brave work in his +time; but shall we therefore bow down worshipping his mummy, and keep it +from its sepulchre, and continue to allot immense revenues to his army +of servitors who have now no service to render? No; the sooner we bury +the corpse and send the servitors about their business the better for us +and for them. + +Thus far I think all Secularists will go with me. But for many, perhaps +the majority of us, who are not only Secularists, but Republicans, there +is a third great obstacle, the Throne, which is now little else than a +costly sham. Yet, sham as it is, it is still strong to obstruct, being +encompassed and fortified by the power of the nobles, the power of the +clergy, the power of the wealthy, the degraded and degrading +snobbishness of the middle and lower middle classes. The artisans and +laborers generally, as we know, care nothing for it or are distinctly +hostile. We have had some great monarchs, though the greatest we ever +had was crown-less, and we can yield to monarchy in the past something +of such historical respect as we yield to Christianity. But who that is +not a very serf by nature can feel any genuine respect for monarchy as +we have it in these days? when the main duty of the King or Queen is to +countersign the decrees of Parliament; a duty which the Lord Chancellor +or the Speaker could perform just as well and with more promptitude. One +need not dwell on the character of the reigning house, which, brought +ignobly to the throne, has been consistently ignoble from the first +until the accession of her present Most Gracious Majesty. A much nobler +royal family would be just as superfluous now as the present we have +outgrown the need of a paternal or guardian king. Nor is the question of +principle really affected by the fact that this ignoble family, like +other species of the lower animals, is excessively prolific, and that +every prince or princess born of it, costs us several thousands a year. +We should not grudge the money for service rendered; the gravamen of our +impeachment is that no monarch now can render service of value. The +effective energy of our monarchy in these days is well symbolised in the +procedure at the opening of Parliament—royal carriages without royal +occupants; royal life-guards with no royal life to guard; a royal robe +spread on a vacant throne; the Lord Chancellor reading a royal speech +composed by responsible ministers. Her Majesty during fourteen long +years has been doing her best to teach us how well we can get on without +a monarch, and how stupid we are therefore to keep one at a great +expense. We may find something venerable in the throne when put aside +and conserved simply as a curious relic of the past; we find it merely +absurd while retained for useless use, a pretentious seat with no one to +sit in it. As Théophile says: “_Si rien nest plus beau que l’antique, +est plus laid que le suranné._” + + + + +MR. KINGSLEY’S CONVERTITES + + +(1865.) + +Readers can scarcely have forgotten the amusing “turn-up” between the +Rev. Mr. Kingsley and the Rev. Dr. Newman, in which the latter got the +former “into Chancery,” and punished him so pitilessly. While reading +the “Apologia pro Vitâ Sua,” one naturally reflected now and then upon +the opinions, as stated in the books, of Dr. Newman’s antagonist; and +the fight grew more and more comically exquisite as one gradually learnt +the thorough agreement at bottom of the two who were struggling so +fiercely at top. When I speak of Mr. Kingsley’s books, I mean his novels +and romances, all of which (except the one not yet completely published) +I have duly read and enjoyed. As for certain collections of sermons, a +dialogue for loose thinkers, a _jeu d’esprit_ on the Pentateuch, +together with various trifles by way of lectures on history and +philosophy, I confess that none of these have I ever even attempted to +peruse. To palliate this sin of omission I can only urge the high +probability that a man of Mr. Kingsley’s character must find much more +vigorous and ample expression in a free and easy novel than in any +didactic or argumentative treatise, with its wearisome requirements of +consecutiveness and cramping limitations of logic. I now ask the leaders +of the _National Reformer_ to accompany me in a general review of his +romances, because I think that such a review will develop two or three +facts seldom noticed in the critiques—whether friendly or adverse—that +abound upon his writings. Especially, I think that it will be found that +the popular phrases, “Muscular Christianity” and “Broad Church,” by no +means sufficiently characterise his religious tendency; and that, with +all the superficial unlikeness, almost amounting to perfect contrast +between him and Dr. Newman, the opponents as religious men are +fundamentally alike in this—that their respective creeds satisfy, or +appear to satisfy, in the same manner the same peculiarly intense want +in their several natures. + +In every one of Mr. Kingsley’s romances there is a chief personage, more +or less naturally good but decidedly godless at the beginning, +god-fearing and saintly at the end. Some of the romances have each two +or three of these convertites, the throes of whose regeneration are the +principal “motives” of the most striking scenes, and may be thus fairly +said to furnish the plot and passion of the book. My present object is +not aesthetic, and I therefore need not argue the question whether +narratives thus constructed can have any claim to rank as genuine works +of art. With the melancholy Jaques in “As You Like It,” I believe: + + Out of these Convertites + There is much matter to be heard and learned— + +so will stay “to see no pastime, I,” but run through the stories of +these conversions, touching only the most salient points. + +Alton Locke, when adolescent, is a very poor tailor, a poet whose verses +are far more vigorous than his character, a chartist, a sceptic. He +madly falls in love with a Dean’s daughter, and through the patronage of +the Dean himself, gets a volume of poems published. As the fiercest of +the rhymes have been soothed out of this volume by the decorous Dean, +Radical friends forward to young Locke a pair of plush-breeches—fitting +testimonial to the flunkeyism conspicuous in the omissions. He is +imprisoned for inciting a rustic mob to a Chartist outbreak, confounds +the prison chaplain by sporting the latest novelties in heresy direct +from Germany, shares when released in the delirium of the memorable +tenth of April, finds that the lady of his love is to be married to his +cousin, and consummates the long orgy of excitement with a desperate +fever. The Dean had directed his attention to the study of natural +history; hence the frenzy of the fever takes a zoological turn, and he +undergoes therein marvellous transmigrations through a series of +antediluvian monsters; awaking at last to sane consciousness (_sane +comparatively, he is never quite in his right senses, poor fellow_) to +find himself nursed by a young widow, the dean’s elder daughter, who +soothes him with ladings from Tennyson. She has very recently lost her +husband, who was merely a brilliant nobleman, and she herself a +Convertite; in a few days the modest Alton is hinting at a declaration +to her. She will not marry him, nor indeed any other man, but she sends +him out to South America on a special poetical mission. On the voyage +thither he dies, a believer, regenerate, leaving as legacy to his +friends and the world at large a war-song of the Church (ferociously) +Militant. What has converted him?—the plush breeches? the crash of the +tenth of April? the loss of his first lady love? the reading of the +“Lotus-eaters?” the delirious Fugue of Fossils? Some or all of these it +must be supposed; for weak though he was, he surely could not have been +seriously influenced by the comical caricatures of Socratic dialectics, +which the Dean sometimes played with him in lieu of chess or backgammon. + +Next comes Yeast, whose great Convertite is Lancelot Smith. He is +introduced to us as fresh from Cambridge, a stalwart gallant fellow of +great abilities, rather debauched, but discontented with his debauchery, +and utterly without fixed creed. An accident confines him long to the +house of the Squire whom he is visiting. During his convalescence he +becomes a lover of one of the Squire’s daughters—a young lady whose +vernacular name is Argemone, and who is herself rapidly growing a +perfect saint. He also becomes the friend of a gamekeeper who reads +Carlyle, writes poetry, and has experienced special religious +illumination. Lancelot then loses all his fortune by the failure of his +uncle’s bank, and loses his sweetheart by the sulphuretted-hydrogen +fever; turns street-porter for the nonce to earn a bit of bread, and +finally goes off one knows not whither; an excellent fervid Christian, +after playing through several bewildering pages a wild burlesque of the +Platonic dialogue with a personage so mysterious that I prefer not to +attempt a description of him. What has converted Lancelot? The loss of +his money and the death of his sweetheart seem to have been the main +influences. For although he was stunned with calamity, I will not deem +him so stupefied as to think that he was made a believer by the +unintelligible dialogue. + +Then follows Hypatia. And here I may remark that I am unable to concur +in what seems the general opinion—namely, that Mr. Kingsley intended his +heroine to represent the character of the Hypatia of history. Although +living in the same city at the same period, both lecturing on +philosophy, and both ultimately murdered by Christian mobs; it appears +to me that, as women, the two Hypatias differed so much from each other +that no one having heard them talk for five minutes could have the +slightest doubt as to which was which. History and Mr. Kingsley have +each composed an acrostic on this lovely name, and with the same _bouts +rimes_; but the body (and the spirit) of the one poem is extremely +unlike the body (and the spirit) of the other. Mr. Kingsley proffers us +an ancient cup and a flask, Greek-lettered “Wine of Cyprus”; we commence +to drink solemnly and devoutly, but—O most miserable mockery! it is +indubitable brandy and water. Well may he call this an old foe with a +new face! The Kingsley Hypatia is not altogether, but is very nearly a +Convertite; so nearly that he would certainly have made her altogether +one, had not the _bouts rime’s_ been too well known for alteration. Her +best pupil (of whom more anon) abandons her, she begins to love a +beautiful young Greek monk, and yet (that philosophy may have the help +of worldly power in its mortal duel with Christianity) consents to marry +the Prefect of Alexandria, whom she very justly despises. While +miserable with the consciousness of how low she is stooping to conquer, +she is fascinated or mesmerised by an old Jewish hag, and crouches in a +sort of fetish worship to what she thinks a statue of Apollo, said +statue being represented by the handsome monk. In the agony of shame +which follows her discovery of this cheat she performs a short parody of +the Socratic dialogue in concert with the pupil who had left her and who +has returned a Christian, and at last, when going to the lecture hall +(where murder shall prevent her from ever lecturing more) she confesses +to a certain longing for Christianity. Why? She was wretched, +humiliated, defeated, weary; she had staked all on the red, and had +lost—what more natural than a yearning to try the black? And this +character is published and generally received for the Hypatia of +history! + +But the great Convertite of this romance is the pupil already mentioned, +the renegade Jew, Raphael Ben Ezra. In the prime of life, wealthy, the +favorite comrade of the Prefect, superlatively gifted with that subtle +Hebrew clearness, which, swayed by a strong will and intense self-love, +can scarcely be distinguished from genius, we find him in the opening +chapters already as used up as the old King Solomon of Ecclesiastes, +having exhausted all excitements of wine, women, and philosophy, all +voluptuousness, physical and intellectual. Desperate with _ennui_, he +abandons Hypatia, casts away his wealth (how many Jews do the same!), +barters clothes with a beggar, and sets out to wander the world with an +amiable British bull-bitch (afterwards the happy mother of nine sweet +infants) for his sole guide, philosopher and friend. The chapter wherein +his Pyrrhonism disported itself “on the floor of the bottomless” seems +to have been, in great measure, borrowed from the talk of one Babbalanja +in Herman Melville’s “Mardi;” perhaps, however, both were borrowed +direct from Jean Paul’s gigantic grotesque, “Titan.” Becoming involved +in the meshes of the great war in Africa—that revolt of Heraclian +against Honorius which Gibbon treats with such contemptuous brevity in +his thirty-first chapter—he is nearly killed himself, saves an old +officer from death and soon falls in love with this officer’s daughter. +He reads about this time certain epistles, and infers therefrom that +Saul of Tarsus was one of the finest gentlemen that ever lived. Also, +while the guest of good Bishop Synesius, he hears Saint Augustine +preach, and engages with him in long discussions, fortunately +unreported. Returning to Alexandria, he almost converts Hypatia, sees +her murdered, sharpens his tongue on Cyril the primate, and leaves again +to marry his saintly sweetheart, and end his lire as quite a model +Christian. What has converted him? His love for the young Christian? the +gentlemanly character of Paul’s Epistles? the bull-bitch with her +ninefold litter, like Shakespere’s nightmare? the murder of Hypatia by +the Christians, who rent, and tore and shred her living body to +fragments? Or was it mere satiety and weariness of thinking—the +weariness which leads so many who thought freely when young to find a +resting-place in the bosom of the Church as they get old? + +In “Westward, Ho!” the great conversion is of Ayacanorah. But as this is +a conversion not merely religious but also moral, social and +intellectual, a conversion from barbarism to civilisation, it does not +come fairly into the class I am describing. Two incidents in the +romance, however, must not be passed over. The first occurs in the +Lotus-eating chapter. Will Para-combe tired, as well he may be, of +wandering about savage America in search of El Dorado, blindly refuses +to see that it is his chief end as man to continue wandering until El +Dorado is found and the captain has glutted his heart with vengeance on +the Spaniards; and Will gives such excellent reasons for staying in the +beautiful spot where he is, with the beautiful and affectionate native +woman whom he is willing and anxious to marry in the most legal mode +attainable, that Captain Amyas Leigh, who has been urging him onward +with true Kingsleyan diffidence and mildness, finds himself dumbfounded. +But valuable logical assistance is at hand. A jaguar like a bar of iron +plunges on poor Will, and he and his arguments are settled on the spot. +Amyas thanks God for this special interposition of providence in his +favor. And the man who wrote the adventure of Amyas can sneer at the +faith of a Catholic like Dr. Newman! The other incident is the +conversion of Amyas from his diabolical hatred of the Spaniards in +general, and of the Don with whom Rose had eloped in particular. A +lightning-flash strikes him blind, and he thereupon repents him of his +hatred and desire of revenge, and, moreover, has a vision of the Don +drowned with his sunken galleon, who assures him that his hatred was +without just cause. These are the true Kingsleyan dialectics; these, and +not those burlesques of what Plato wrote and Socrates spoke, and Mr. +Kingsley is no more able to conduct than I am to lead on the violin like +Herr Joachim, a great concerted composition of Beethoven. Let a jaguar +loose into your opponent’s syllogistic premises, blind him with a +lightning-flash that he may see the truth and have clear vision of the +right way. Yet Mr. Kingsley has undoubtedly read about a tower in Siloam +that fell, and what Joshua Bar-Joseph said of the people killed by this +accident. + +Lastly, we have “Two Years Ago,” whose great Convertite is Tom Thumal. +Tom is one of the jolliest of characters, true as steel, tough as oak, +quick and deft for all emergencies, a compact mass of common sense, and +courage, and energy, living in the most godless state, He is not a +heathen—he is more godless yet; for a heathen has something of wood or +stone which serves him for a deity. In the Saga of Saint Olaf (in that +great and glorious work “The Heims-kringla”) we read how this pious and +terrible king going to his last battle was asked by two brothers, who +were freebooters, for permission to fight in his ranks. But although +these and their followers were “tall” men, and the king was in sore need +of recruits, he would not accept their services unless they believed in +Christ. Whereupon they answered that they saw no special need of the +help of the “White Christ”; that they had been hitherto wont to believe +in themselves and their own luck, and with this belief had managed to +pull through very well, and thought they could do the same for the +future. Ultimately, these excellent fellows did consent to be baptised +and called Christians—not from any religious motive, alas! but only +because of a “shtrong wakeness” they had for taking part in a set +battle. Tom Thurnal has just as much, and as little, religion as these +had. After wandering all over the world in all sorts of capacities, he +comes back to be shipwrecked on the Cornish coast, and is the only one +on board saved. While he is being dragged up the beach senseless, his +belt of money—the fruit of a season at the Australian +diggings—disappears; and he resolves to settle in the village, in order +to discover it or the thief. Here he falls in love with the village +schoolmistress, a sweet mystical devotee, whom he rather suspects of +stealing his gold, and whom he defends from one ruffian in order to +grossly insult her himself. In the village Tom is doctor, and, when the +cholera comes, he is assisted in bringing the village through it by this +saintly schoolmistress, and a pious Major, and a fervid High Church +parson. At the breaking out of the Crimean War, Tom gets charged with a +secret mission to the East. Somewhere in Turkey, in Asia, an imbecile +Sheikh or Pasha whom he is endeavoring to serve, mistakes his manœuvres, +and keeps him in captivity for a year or two. From this imprisonment he +comes home crushed and abject, “afraid in passing a house that it would +fall and smother him,” etc., marries his sweetheart and ends a model +Christian. What has converted him? Simply, it appears, the year or two +of solitary confinement—which took all the pith and manhood out of him. +This last case, the work of Mr. Kingsley in the full maturity of his +powers, is the most flagrant of all. + +If I have not summed up these cases fairly, the novels and romances in +question are in everybody’s hands to convict me of the unfairness. I +have simply sketched the leading points as they remain in my memory, not +referring to the books again to pick out what would best serve my +purpose. It is not my fault if the personages, who looked so great and +grandiose in the flowing and ample draperies of romance, do not strip +well for anatomy. + +Now, what is common to all these cases of conversion? This: that the +characters become religious, not when healthy, but when diseased; the +religion in every case is exhibited as a drug for the sick, not as +wholesome food for the healthy. While you are sane, well and hearty, +doing your work in the world deftly, sound in mind, and wind, and limb, +and fairly prosperous, you have no need of this religion—you can get +through the world very well without it. But when your fortune is lost, +your sweetheart dead or married to another, your courage cowed, your +heart broken, your mind diseased, your self-respect humiliated, then you +long for and embrace Christianity (or whatever religion is dominant +around you): it is a soft pillow for the aching head, a tender couch for +the bruised body, a flattering nurse for the desolate invalid. I can +scarcely add that it is a medicine for the sickness, for its medicinal +virtues are hardly shown; but it is, at any rate, as we read of its +effects in these books, a narcotic and an anodyne for restlessness and +pain. It is a religion to die with, not to live with. All these things, +so soothing and beneficial to the invalid, are nauseous and noxious to +the healthy. + +A man could no more live vigorous life on such religion than he could +live vigorous life couched tenderly, pillowed softly, nursed +assiduously, and drugged with narcotics and anodyne all the days of his +life. + +Is the religious world willing to accept this view of religion? It would +seem so by the remarkable popularity of these books. This view may be +correct or incorrect, wise or foolish; at any rate, it is strangely at +variance with the view commonly ascribed to “Muscular Christians,” and +strangely identical with that which Dr. Newman explicitly avows in the +most eloquent pages of his “Apologia.” People generally consider +“Muscular Christianity” as a clever and cheerful improvement on the old +solemn ascetic Christianity, as a doctrine which fully recognises the +goodness of the common world and common worldly life, as a liberal +cultus which does not sacrifice body to soul any more than soul to body, +but is at once gymnastic and spiritualistic in its “exercises”; a vague +notion is abroad that, whereas the early religion of Christ and his +apostles was of sorrow and suffering, this, its latest development, is a +religion of happiness and health; in short, it is believed that +“Muscular Christianity” has added the Gospel(1) of the body and this +life to the primitive Gospel of the soul and the next life: and yet the +most popular and vigorous writer of this new school, after exhausting a +very fertile imagination in the suggestion of methods and modes by which +godless sinners may be converted to godliness, has absolutely found no +other process effectual than this of showering upon them misfortunes, +humiliations, afflictions, calamities (such as do not in real life fall +upon one human being in a thousand, and working results such as they +would not work in one real human being out of ten thousand); until +health and hope, self-respect and the capacity for sane joy are +altogether destroyed in them, the manhood and womanhood overwhelmed and +crushed out of them; after which he brings in these miserable wrecks and +relics of what were once men and women as all that he can contribute to +the extension of the Church, which ought to be the cheerful congregation +of wholesome men and women throughout the world, the richest flower and +ripest fruit of humanity. If the Church of the future is to be composed +of creatures like Mr. Kingsley’s Convertites, Westminster Abbey must be +turned into a Grand Chartreuse, and St. Paul’s into an Hospital for +Incurables, and the metropolitan Cathedral of England must be Bedlam. + + 1. The Gospel of the body and this life has been powerfully + preached in the most explicit terms on the Continent. In England + we have been too prudish to advocate it so clearly, although it + is, of course, essential to the most enlightened Positivism and + Secularism. That much-abused book the “Elements of Social + Science” preaches it with more thoroughness, knowledge and + ability than any other English work I have met with. I do not + pretend to be wise enough to judge this book, and so far as I + can judge it, I differ from it in many respects; but on the + broad question of the spirit in which it is written, I do not + fear to assert that no honest and intelligent man can find + pruriency and impurity in it, without he brings the pruriency + and impurity in his own heart and mind to the study of it. I can + understand ascetic Christians abhorring it, I can understand + timid Freethinkers being frightened by it because they are + timid; but I cannot understand men who claim to be bold and + honest Freethinkers avoiding it as an unholy thing merely + because of the subjects it treats, without reference to the mode + of treatment, and without sympathy for the admirable motives + which manifestly incited the author. He may well say with the + most brilliant and daring of all who have preached this Gospel + of the body in our age (this Gospel which is so sorely needed to + complement and modify the exclusive Gospel of the soul—this + Gospel which Plato preached along with the other, while Jesus + preached the other only), he may well say with Heine + + Doch die Castraten Klagten, + Aïs ich meine Stimm’ erhob; + Sie Klagten und sie sagten; + Ich sange veil zu grob. + + + + +THE PRIMATE ON THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD + + +(1876.) + +The Archbishop of Canterbury is making his second quadrennial visitation +to his diocese, and delivering an elaborate Charge to the clergy, in +seven instalments. Of these the first two are reported at considerable +length in the _Times_ of the 27th and 28th inst., a couple of columns of +small print being given to each. The _Times_ has moreover generously +vouchsafed a leading article of encouragement and approval on each; and +surely the State Church ought to be proud of such lofty patronage, and +Lambeth Palace ought to be very grateful to Printing House Square. The +_Daily News_ could only spare half a column for the first; and the +_Daily Telegraph_, whose exuberant Christianity, hot and strong as +boiling rancid oil, amazes the world on every great festival of the +Church, showed its estimate of the importance of our Primate’s manifesto +by allotting to it eight or nine lines of small print at the foot of a +column—a pickpocket in a police-court gets as much notice. + +Let us glance down the _Times_’ reports, pausing at anything worth a +note if not by its intrinsic value yet on account of the position of the +speaker:— + +“I wish to set before you some thoughts as to the particular duties, +which at this time devolve upon the Established Church as the National +Church of this country. In the days in which we live some even hesitate +to assign to us the position of a National Church. A National Church is +a national protest for God and for Christ, for goodness and for truth; +and if we of this National Church are not making this national protest, +no one else certainly makes one. No other body in this country can claim +that commanding influence over the thought of the age, which by God’s +blessing is assigned to us. No other religious body in the country has +either that connection with the State, or if that be thought a small +matter, that power of influencing the whole nation which, thank God, is +still reserved to us.” + +It will be noticed that the Archbishop in his definition of a National +Church has humbly copied the unorthodox Matthew Arnold, who in his +address to London clergymen at Sion College, (reviewed in the +_Secularist_ of April 8) declared with an exquisitely humorous gravity +that he regarded the Church of England as _a great national society for +the promotion of goodness!_ But the Archbishop is really too loose in +his imitation of this charitable definition bestowed by a man of +letters. He says: “A National Church is a national protest for God and +for Christ;” according to which, Mohammedanism, Brahmanism, and +Buddhism, as the national churches of several countries, are so many +national protests for God and Christ. We do not expect a mere Primate in +these days to write with the precision of an accomplished literary man, +but we do think that he ought to be somewhat less inaccurate than this. +However, it is to the last two sentences quoted that I would +particularly call attention. The Church of England has a commanding +influence over the thought of the age! It has the power of influencing +the whole nation! Here be truly astonishing announcements. The thought +of the age in our country is embodied in such persons as Spencer and +Darwin, Huxley and Tyndall, Carlyle and Browning, George Eliot and +George Meredith; and what a commanding influence the State Church has +over these! As for its influence over the whole nation, is it not the +fact that a large portion of the educated classes, and the great bulk 01 +the artisans, are either sceptical or indifferent, and that more than a +half of the shopkeepers are Nonconformists bent on Disestablishment and +Disendowment? The Archbishop has made a most unlucky start. + +Passing over some commonplace and common-sense remarks on the duties of +the clergy, we come to the following:— + +“This is an age in which there is a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout the nation. It is a time when, more than any other, +serious and earnest learning is required to meet the wants of those +among whom we live. Let us be thankful that the arrangements of +cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course, and cause their light to be seen throughout the land, guiding +the thought of those who are in need of guidance in this anxious age.” + +Admitting the truth of the opening sentences we may add that in every +age since the supremacy of the Church was first shaken by the invention +of printing, the recovery of the Greek and Latin classics, and the +revival of science, there has been a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout this nation and every other nation in Christendom, +and that age by age this seething has scalded more and more pitilessly +the dogmas, the Scriptures, and the authority of the Church, whose +Hebrew old clothes, as Carlyle fitly calls them, must soon be literally +boiled to rags. We may also freely admit that the arrangements of +Cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course; but we ask, how many of them really pursue it? How many of them +cause their light to shine throughout the land? How many guide the +thought of those who need guidance in this anxious age? Is it not as +notorious as it is disgraceful to the Church, that, with few exceptions, +the canons and other dignitaries make scarcely any contribution to the +thought, or scholarship, or science of the age, in return for the large +leisure and ample stipends with which they are endowed? These stalled +canons may ruminate much, even like stalled oxen, but what nourishment +do we get from the rumination of the former? Look through lists of +standard works, of really important works, published during the last +quarter of a century, and see how few of them, even in theology and +kindred departments, have come from the “learned leasure” of our rich +cathedrals. + +If there is one thing more closely connected than any other with true +religion, that thing is money. Always the most spiritual exhortations +and speculations end in very practical appeals to the pockets—of course +the pockets of the laity. We are reminded what Paul Louis Courier said +of the clergy in his day: “They have need of good examples and will find +them amongst us. But if we are stronger than they as to the commandments +of God, they in their turn have the advantage of us in respect to the +commandments of the Church, which they remember better than we, and of +which the principal is, I believe, to give all we have for heaven. ‘You +ask me,’ said that worthy preacher Barlette, ‘how to get to Paradise? +The bells of the convent tell you: Giving, giving, giving,’ The Latin of +the monk is charming: “Vos quœritis a me, fratres carissimi, quomodo +itur ad paradisupi? Hoc dicunt vobis campance monasterii, dando, dando, +dando” Very early in his discourse does our Primate ring this favorite +chime of all church bells, but with a noble disinterestedness, a +magnanimous depreciation:— + +“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money which of late years have +been poured into the treasury of the Established Church for the +re-edification of our buildings; we may think lightly even of the vast +sums which have been contributed by the members of our Church for the +instruction of our poorer brethren, thinking that, after all, it is not +the silver and the gold, but the precious doctrine of the Lord Jesus +Christ, and the purity and holiness which attend the true profession of +that doctrine on which we have to rest our claims. But still even the +outward signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be +despised.” + +“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money!” we, the archbishop +with £15,000 a year and a palace rent-free, and the members of the +Cathedral body of Canterbury each with our several hundreds a year and +our snug residences! Very lightly, no doubt! But “still even the outward +signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be despised.” +How unworldly, how humble, is our right reverend father in God; it is a +pity that his voice here has such a twang of Pecksniff and Uriah Heap. I +really believe that he is too much of a gentleman to speak in this tone +with his natural voice; it is that fatal falsetto of the pulpit. Well, +in sober truth, these Churchmen had better not despise the outward signs +of their influence, for there is an abundant lack of inward ones. And +discreetly do they boast of the re-edification of their buildings, for +edification or re-edification of their congregations, alas, there is +little or none whereof to boast. Having rang this preliminary diffident +chime of Dando dando, dando, the Archbishop revels in riotous peals to +the same words before concluding:— + +“Depend upon it a country that produces in a short time £30,000,000 [sic +in _Times; Daily News_, ‘three millions’] to restore the outward fabric +of our churches, will not fail to respond to any appeal when made for +the funds which may be wanted to assist those who otherwise cannot +provide themselves with a due education that they may be fitted for the +ministry. Another matter which I think presses upon us is this. Is it +not desirable something should be done to provide the means of passing +their last days in comfort, for those worn out in the service of Christ? +Here again I feel confident that an appeal to the wealthy of this +country would be answered at once if those who have the leisure—none +more fit than the dignitaries of our cathedral churches—were to take up +this question, and to our existing charities might well be added some +means of supplementing the resources and meeting the wants of the poorer +clergy. I visited yesterday the Clergy Orphan School. I was informed +that that school was perfectly full—more full than it had ever been +before—and still there were twice as many applicants for admission as +there were places to admit them to. Does not this show it is very +desirable we should all of us direct our efforts to see that the charity +of our fellow-Churchmen should be appealed to, to assist in the +education of the orphan children of our clergy, and not only the orphan +children?” + +Our fellow Christians, the laymen, having laid for us three million +golden eggs in a short time (the lavish geese!) will not fail to give us +more to educate young men for the ministry; and more yet to pension our +worn-out clergy; and more yet again to educate the children, orphan and +not orphan, of our clergy. We archbishop and bishops, dean and chapter, +are so poor, so poor, so very very poor, that we can do nothing at all +for any of these miserable clerical critters; the whole revenues of our +State Church are so insignificant that they are quite inadequate to +provide decently for its ministers! But we know well that our dear, +good, stupid, unedified lay brethren and sisters will give all the +out-door relief we have the impudence to ask; will educate our young and +pension our old; marching ever briskly heavenwards to that cheerfulest +church chime: Giving, giving, giving; Dando, dando, dando! Does not our +Archbishop rival or outrival that worthy preaching monk, Barlette? Here +I must pause, but shall have to return again to the Charge, which +threatens to be a heavy charge indeed to the purses of the richer and +more foolish members of our impoverished State Church. + + + + +SPIRITISM IN THE POLICE COURT + + +(1876.) + +We have just had a couple of professional “mediums” in the police +courts, and it is to be heartily hoped that all their colleagues of any +notoriety will soon be submitted to the same searching test, and duly +rewarded according to their merits. At Huddersfield the Rev. Francis +Ward Monck, formerly a minister at Bristol, was cleverly caught out by +Mr. Lodge, a woollen merchant and amateur conjurer, who at the close of +a private seance offered to do all the “Doctor” had done, and insisted +on seeing his “paraphernalia.” The Doctor protested with profuse +virtuous indignation, but his detecter was firm. At length this reverend +medium took refuge in his own bedroom and locked himself in, and while +the profane sceptics were besieging the door he managed to escape from +the window by the help of a sheet. In his sore haste he left behind him +some of the “paraphernalia,” whose existence he had so indignantly +denied, including “spirit hands” and prepared musical boxes. He took out +a warrant against Mr. Lodge for the recovery of these precious articles, +and was met by a counter-warrant issued by the chief constable under the +Vagrant Act, for using subtle craft means and devices to deceive and +impose on certain of her Majesty’s subjects; he being charged with thus +defrauding one person of £20, while Mr. Heppleston, a general dealer, in +whose house the exposure took place, had paid him £4 for two séances, +the prisoner assuring him that the manifestations were genuine, and were +produced by spiritual agency. The prisoner’s solicitor said that the +Vagrant Act did not apply to a gentleman in the position of Dr. Monck, +who kept his carriage and yacht at Bristol. We may admit that the +application of the Vagrant Act is an awkward and round-about mode of +dealing with such cases, and the sooner Parliament in its great wisdom +provides a more direct and effectual remedy, the better; nor could a +stronger argument for its provisions be adduced than the fact, if fact +it be, that this reverend medium by the illicit production of spirits +very much below proof, has been getting money enough to keep a carriage +and yacht. When the Huddersfield magistrates remanded him for a week at +the request of the chief constable, offering to accept bail, himself in +£250, and two sureties in £100 each, the bail was not forthcoming; and +the prisoner made a high-minded and pathetic appeal to the bench, +“asking them not to make him suffer the indignity of incarceration in +the police-cells; he said he had forsaken everything to follow this +calling, believing in his inmost soul that it was right.” So far as I +can see, a convicted burglar or manufacturer of counterfeit coin, might +with as good reason make just such an appeal; pleading pathetically that +he had forsaken everything to follow this calling, affirming nobly that +he believed in his inmost soul that it was right; while as to the jemmy +and the skeleton keys, or the moulds and the battery, which had been +seized in his possession, they were manifestly for purely scientific +experimental investigations—exactly as were the spirit-hands affixed to +wires and the musical boxes of the Rev. “Doctor” Monck. + +The London case of “Doctor” Slade, is too well known to require being +detailed here. As his fee was a sovereign, well-off people having much +time to kill with any excitement, and empty heads to fill with any +nonsense (much the same sort of silly people as those for whom some +West-end High Church is the half-way house to the Pro-Cathedral), must +have been his most numerous visitors. Thus Society with a capital S took +great interest in him, and our penny daily press, always ready to pander +to Society, and to the snobbery of its readers who are not in Society +but ever on their knees worshipping it—our penny daily press furnished +full reports of the proceedings. Mr. Flowers, the magistrate at Bow +Street Police Court gave a written judgment on the case, sentencing the +“Doctor” to three months’ imprisonment with hard labor in the House of +Correction; which sentence to the credit of our common sense, sadly +discredited by much that came out on the trial, was received with some +applause, and Mr. Lewis the prosecuting solicitor was cheered by a large +crowd on leaving the court. Of course, there being money to back the +“medium,” notice of appeal was given, and bail accepted—the defendant in +£200, and two sureties of £100 each. + +In the course of the defence there was read from the _Spiritualist_ an +account of a sitting with Slade by Mr. Serjeant Cox, who, as Mr. Flowers +observed, would, if an appeal were raised, be one of the judges of that +appeal. The said account, after relating various wonders, concludes +thus: “I offer no opinion on the causes of the phenomena, for I have +formed none. If they be genuine, it is impossible to exaggerate their +interest and importance. If they be an imposture it is equally important +that the trick should be exposed in the only way in which trickery can +be explained—by doing the same thing, and showing how it is done.” Now +this, at any rate, seems to show judicial fairness if not judicial +sagacity; and is beyond blame, as having been written before the learned +Serjeant (unless warned by the spirits) could have had any expectation +of being called upon to deliver a legal judgment on the matter. But +after Mr. Flowers had passed sentence, and the appeal had been raised, +this same Serjeant Cox, having become a prospective judge of the case, +opened the third session of the Psychological Society of Great Britain, +whereof he is president, and which, under such a president, will +doubtless do a vast deal for the science of psychology. According to the +report of the _Standard_ of Friday the 3rd inst., much of the address of +this admirable judge and philosophical president “was an indictment of +materialist scientists for their attitude towards psycho-logy, and on +this point he said the most important event of the year in relation to +psychology had been the recent prosecution. Of the true motive for that +proceeding there could be no doubt. The pretence of public interests was +transparent.” To a mere layman the words of this judicial Serjeant read +very much like a reckless libel. Perhaps only a lawyer can properly +appreciate them. “The object really sought was plain enough. It was not +to punish Dr. Slade, but to discredit through him all psychological +phenomena, the proof of whose existence was destruction to the doctrines +of materialism.... Whether Dr. Slade was or was not guilty, the trial +had had the unlooked-for effect [!] of directing the attention of the +whole public to the fact that phenomena were asserted to exist... which +swept away now and for ever _the dark and debasing doctrines of the +materialists_.” After which, according to the same report, a Mr. Dunlop, +with admirable gravity, whether sincere or ironical, expressed a high +opinion of the judicial mind of the president! and said that he felt +sure that if the appeal in the Slade case came before Mr. Serjeant Cox, +he would give as dispassionate a decision as if he had had no previous +knowledge of the circumstances!! For myself, as a mere unlearned layman, +I can only ask in astonishment, Is this Serjeant Cox, with his indecent +partizanship and wild personal imputations, fit to sit in judgment—I +will not say on this Slade business—but on any case at all which +requires impartiality and discretion? + +“The dark and debasing doctrines of the materialists”! Can anything be +darker and more debasing in a so-called civilised time and country than +this Spiritism has proved itself from the beginning until bow? I have +yet to learn that the whole of its world of spirits, now for many years +at the beck and call of countless mediums, professional and private, has +ever dictated or written a single great sentence, revealed a single +great truth—discovered a single important fact. Nothing but the +dreamiest drivel, or delirium, the most wretched and imbecile juggling +tricks, with all sorts of evasions, and deceptions and lies! Mr. Wallace +himself, one of the few good men it has got hold of by some weak place +in their minds, in his evidence for Slade said “that he attached no +importance to the subject-matter of a message, but only to its being +written intelligibly, the subject-matter seldom being of any value.” And +for seldom he might fairly have said never. The truth is the truth, +whether dark or bright, debasing or ennobling; but if we are called upon +to consider a theory in these aspects, what, I ask again, can be more +dark and debasing than this, that we live after death to rap and turn +tables, play villainous snatches on light musical instruments, write +badly-spelt balderdash, dictate ungrammatical imbecilities or lies, +grasp hands and jog knees—all for the profit of showmen and the +hysterical wonder of fools? Who would not prefer annihilation to such a +degraded and idiotic immortality? Shakespeare, Bacon, Byron, Shelley, +and countless others who on earth were splendid geniuses, have been +called from their spheres by knaves or dupes, for what?—to show +themselves reduced to the hideous state of Swift’s Struldbrugs. The only +famous character I have heard of, not intellectually degraded since +death, was Bucephalus (see _Secularist_, number 40), who told the +company that he still took great interest in literary pursuits, +particularly in connection with education; Bucephalus, whose name +doubtless suggested an ancient philosopher to the shrewd medium, having +been the war-horse of Alexander the Great! + +We are compelled to accuse the religion which has been so long dominant +among us, of fostering the state of mind which welcomes these miserable +marvels instead of rejecting them with scorn. The Bible with its Witch +of Endor, its recognition of witchcraft, its magicians, its angels +releasing the Apostles, its doctrines of the supernatural, its abounding +miracles, has saturated the people with superstitiousness, whose evil +effects Science can but slowly counteract. And of those who have ceased +to submit themselves to the Bible, the larger number are still infected +with its non-natural spirit; having renounced one set of irrational +marvels, they yearn more or less consciously for another to replace it. +In this connection, the point on which Mr. Flower’s judgment turned is +very significant, and its significance is increased by the approval of +our most Christian press: “_I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature._” This is exactly what Science demands. Carry out +honestly and thoroughly the application of this rule to the miracles of +the Bible, from the speaking serpent, to the birth, resurrection and +ascension of Jesus, and what sentence must be passed upon them? The Bow +Street Magistrate has given us a really excellent, concise, practical +maxim of rethought. When a Christian comes with his supernatural dogmas +and non-natural occurrences, one has but to answer on the judicial +authority of Mr. Flowers: “I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature.” + + + + +A COMMISSION OF INQUIRY ON ROYALTY + + +(1876.) + +The subjects for our solemn consideration are the seclusion of her Most +Gracious Majesty, and the complaints thereanent published in several +respectable journals. In order to investigate the matter thoroughly, we +constituted ourselves (the unknown number x) into a special Commission +of Inquiry. We are happy to state that the said Commission has concluded +its arduous labors, and now presents its report within a week of its +appointment; surely the most prompt and rapid of commissions. The cause +of this celerity we take to be the fact that the Commissioners were +unsalaried; we being unanimously of opinion that had we received good +pay for the inquiry throughout the period of our session, we could have +prolonged it with certain benefit, if not to the public yet to +ourselves, for a great number of years. If, therefore, you want a +Commission to do its work rapidly vote no money for it. And do not fear +that the most headlong haste in gathering evidence and composing the +report will diminish the value of such report; for when a Commission has +lasted for years or months it generally rises in a quite different state +of the subject matter from that in which it first sat, and the report +must be partly obsolete, partly a jumble of anachronisms. In brief, it +may be fairly affirmed as a general rule that no Commission of Inquiry +is of any value at all; the appointment of one being merely a dodge by +which people who don’t want to act on what they and everybody else see +quite well with their naked eyes, set a number of elderly gentlemen to +pore upon it with spectacles and magnifying glasses until dazed and +stupid with poring, in the hope that this process will last so long that +ere it is finished the public will have forgotten the matter altogether. +And now for the result of our inquiries on this subject, which is not +only immensely important, but is even sacred to our loyal hearts. + +A West-end tradesman complains bitterly that through the absence of the +Court from Buckingham Palace, and the diminished number and splendor of +royal pomps and entertainments, the “Season” is for him a very poor +season indeed. The Commissioners, find that the said tradesman (whose +knowledge seems-limited to a knowledge of his business, supposing he +knows that) is remarkably well off; and consider that West-end tradesmen +have no valid vested interest in Royalty and the Civil List, that at the +worst they do-a capital trade with the aristocracy and wealthy classes +(taking good care that the punctual and honest shall amply overpay their +losses by the unpunctual and dishonest); that if they are not satisfied +with the West-end, they had better try the East-end, and see how that +will suit them; and, in short, that this tradesman is not worth +listening to. + +Numerous fashionable and noble people (principally ladies) complain that +they have no Court to shine, in. The Commissioners think that they shine +a great deal too much already, and in the most wasteful manner, gathered +together by hundreds, light glittering on light; and that if they really +want to shine beneficially in a court there are very many very dark +courts in London where the light of their presence would be most +welcome. + +It is complained on behalf of their Royal Highnesses the Prince and +Princess of Wales that they have to perform many of the duties of +royalty without getting a share of the royal allowance. The +Commissioners think that if the necessary expenses of the heir to the +throne are really too heavy for his modest, income, and are increased by +the performance of royal duties, he had better send in yearly a bill to +his Mamma for expenses incurred on her account, and a duplicate of the +same to the Chancellor to the Exchequer; so that in every Budget the +amount of the Civil List shall be equitably divided between her Majesty +and her Majesty’s eldest son, doubtless to their common satisfaction. + +It is complained on behalf of various foreign royal or ruling personages +that while they in their homes treat generously the visiting members of +our royal family, they are treated very shabbily when visiting here. The +Commissioners think that Buckingham Palace, being seldom or never wanted +by the Queen, and very seldom wanted for the reception of the English +Court, should be at all times open for such royal or ruling visitors; +that a Lord Chamberlain, or other such noble domestic servant should be +detailed to attend on them, and see to their hospitable treatment in all +respects; and that to cover the expenditure on their account a fair +deduction should be made from her Majesty’s share of the Civil List, +which deduction, being equitable her Majesty would no doubt view with +extreme pleasure. + +It is complained on the part of her Majesty’s. Ministers, that when they +want the royal assent and signature to important Acts of Parliament, +they have to lose a day or two and undergo great fatigue (which is +peculiarly hard on men who are mostly aged, and all overworked) in +travelling to and from Osborne or Balmoral. The Commissioners think the +remedy plain and easy, as in the two preceding cases. Let a law be +passed assuming that absence, like silence, gives, consent; so that +whenever her Majesty is not in town, the Speaker of the Commons or the +Lord Chancellor, or other great officer of State, be empowered to seal +and sign in her name, and generally to perform any of her real and royal +duties, on the formal demand of the Ministry, who always (and not the +Queen) are responsible to Parliament and the country for all public +acts. + +A taxpayer complains that for fourteen years her Majesty has been +punctually drawing all moneys allotted to support the royal dignity, +while studiously abstaining from all, or nearly all, the hospitalities +and other expensive functions incident to the support of the said +dignity. The Commissioners consider that her Majesty is perchance +benefiting the country more (and may be well aware of the fact) by +taking her money for doing nothing than if she did something for it; +that if she didn’t take the said money, somebody else would (as for +instance, were she to abdicate, the Prince of Wales, become King, would +want and get at least as much); so that while our Government remains as +it is, the complaint of the said taxpayer is foolish. + +Another Taxpayer, who must be a most mean-minded fellow, a stranger to +all sacred sympathies and hallowed emotions, says: “If a washerwoman, +being stupified by the death of her husband, neglected her business for +more than a week or two, she would certainly lose her custom or +employment, and not all the sanctity of conjugal grief (about which +reverential journalists gush) would make people go on paying her for +doing nothing; and if this washerwoman had money enough of her own to +live on comfortably, people would call her shameless and miserly if she +asked for or accepted payment while doing nothing; and if this +washerwoman had a large family of boys and girls around her, and shut +herself up to brood upon her husband’s death for even three or four +months, people would reckon her mad with selfish misery. The +Commissioners (as soon as they recover from the stupefaction of horror +into which this blasphemy has thrown them) consider and reply that there +can be no proper comparison of a Queen and a washerwoman, and that +nobody would think of instituting one, except a brute, a Republican, an +Atheist, a Communist, a, fiend in human form; that anyhow if, as this +wretch says, a washerwoman would be paid for a week or two without +working, in consideration of her conjugal affliction, it is plain that a +Queen, who (it will be universally allowed) is at least a hundred +thousand times as good as a washerwoman, is therefore entitled to at +least a hundred thousand times the “week or two” of salary without +performance of duty—that is, to at least 1,923 or 3,846 years, whereas +this heartless and ribald reprobate himself only complains that our +beloved Sovereign has done nothing for her wage throughout “fourteen +years.” The Commissioners therefore eject this complainant with +ineffable scorn; and only wish they knew his name and address, that they +might denounce him for prosecution to the Attorney-General. + +A Malthusian (whatever kind of creature that may be) complains that her +Majesty has set an example of uncontrolled fecundity to the nation and +the royal family, which, besides being generally immoral, is likely, at +the modest estimate of £6,000 per annum per royal baby, to lead to the +utter ruin of the realm in a few generations. The Commissioners, after +profound and prolonged consideration, can only remark that they do not +understand the complaint any better than the name (which they do not +understand at all) of the “Malthusian;” that they have always been led +to believe that a large family is a great honor to a legitimately united +man and woman; and that, finally, they beg to refer the Malthusian to +the late Prince Consort. + +A devotedly loyal Royalist (who unfortunately does not give the name and +address of his curator) complains that her Majesty, by doing nothing +except receive her Civil List, is teaching the country that it can get +on quite as well without a monarch as with one, and might therefore just +as well, and indeed very much better, put the amount of the Civil List +into its own pocket and call itself a Republic. The Commissioners remark +that this person seems the most rational of the whole lot of +complainants (most rational, not for his loyalty, but most rational as +to the grounds of his complaint, from his own point of view; in +accordance with the dictum, “A madman reasons rightly from wrong +premises; a fool wrongly from right ones,”) and that his surmise is very +probably correct—namely, that her Majesty is really a Republican in +principle, but not liking (as is perfectly natural in her position) to +publicly profess and advocate opinions so opposed to the worldly +interests of all her friends and relatives, has been content to further +these opinions practically for fourteen years past by her conduct, +without saying a word on the subject. The Commissioners, however, find +one serious objection to this surmise in the fact that if her Majesty is +really a Republican at heart, she must wish to exclude the Prince of +Wales from the Throne; while it seems to them that the intimate +knowledge she must have of his wisdom and virtues (not to speak of her +motherly affection) cannot but make her feel that no greater blessing +could come to the nation after her death than his reigning over it. As +this is the only complaint which the Commissioners find at once +well-founded and not easy to remedy, they are happy to know that it is +confined to the very insignificant class of persons who are “devotedly +loyal Royalists.” + +The Commissioners thus feel themselves bound to report that all the +complaints they have heard against our beloved and gracious Sovereign +(except the one last cited, which is of no importance) are without +foundation, or frivolous, or easily remedied, and that our beloved and +gracious Sovereign (whom may Heaven long preserve!) could not do better +than she is now doing, in doing nothing. + +But in order to obviate such complaints, which do much harm, whether ill +or well founded, and which especially pain the delicate susceptibilities +of all respectable men and women, the Commissioners have thought it +their duty to draw up the following project of a Constitution, not to +come into force until the death of our present beloved and gracious +Sovereign (which may God, if so it please Him, long avert!), and to be +modified in its details according to the best wisdom of our national +House of Palaver. + + + + +Draft + + +Whereas it is treasonable to talk of dethroning a monarch, but there can +be no disloyalty in preventing a person not yet a monarch from becoming +one: + +And whereas it is considered by very many, and seems proved by the +experience of the last ---- years that the country can do quite well +without a monarch, and may therefore save the extra expense of monarchy: + +And whereas it is calculated that from the accession of George I. of +blessed memory until the decease of the most beloved of Queens, +Victoria, a period of upwards of a century and a half, the Royal Family +of the House of Guelph have received full and fair payment in every +respect for their generous and heroic conduct in coming to occupy the +throne and other high places of this kingdom, and in saving us from the +unconstitutional Stuarts: + +And whereas the said Stuarts may now be considered extinct, and thus no +longer dangerous to this realm: And whereas the said Royal Family of the +House of Guelph is so prolific that the nation cannot hope to support +all the members thereof for a long period to come in a royal manner: + +And whereas the Dukes of this realm are accounted liberal and courteous +gentlemen: + +And whereas the constitution of our country is so far Venetian that it +cannot but be improved in harmony and consistency by being made more +Venetian still: + +Be it enacted, etc., That the Throne now vacant through the +ever-to-be-deplored death of her late most gracious Majesty shall remain +vacant. That the mem-ers of what has been hitherto the Royal Family keep +all the property they have accumulated, the nation resuming from them +all grants of sinecures and other salaried appointments. That no member +of the said Family be eligible for any public appointment whatever for +at least one hundred years. That the Dukes in the order of their +seniority shall act as Doges (with whatever title be considered the +best) year and year about, under penalty of large fines in cases of +refusal, save when such refusal is supported by clear proof of poverty +(being revenue under a settled minimum), imbecility, brutality, or other +serious disqualification. That no members of a ducal family within a +certain degree of relationship to the head of the house be eligible for +any public appointment whatever; the head of the house being eligible +for the Dogeship only. That the duties of the Doge be simply to seal and +sign Acts of Parliament, proclamations, etc., when requested to do so by +the Ministry; and to exercise hospitality to royal or ruling and other +representatives of foreign countries, as well as to distinguished +natives. That a fair and even excessive allowance be made to the Doge +for the expenses of his year of office. That the royal palaces be +official residences of the Doge. That the Doge be free from all +political responsibility as from all political power; but be responsible +for performing liberally and courteously the duties of hospitality, so +that Buckingham Palace shall not contrast painfully with the Mansion +House. Etc., etc. + +God preserve the Doge! + +The Commission of Inquiry having thus triumphantly vindicated our +beloved and gracious Sovereign against the cruel aspersions of people in +general, and having moreover drafted a plan for obviating such +aspersions against any British King or Queen in future, ends its Report, +and dissolves itself, with humble thankfulness to God Almighty whose +grace alone has empowered it to conclude its arduous labors so speedily, +and with results so incalculably beneficial. + +P. S.—Since the above report was drawn up, that ardent English patriot +and loyalist, Benjamin Disraeli, being by the grace of God and the late +Earl of Derby Prime Minister of this realm, has proposed that Parliament +shall enable her Most Gracious Majesty to assume the additional title of +Empress of India, and Parliament has so far humbly assented. Being sore +pressed by many cantankerous persons to give valid reasons for this +change, he has given reasons many and weighty; such as the earnest +desire of the princes and people of India, which desire has been so +abundantly expressed that the expressions thereof cannot be produced +lest they should overwhelm Parliament and destroy the balance of the +world in general; then the imposing authority of “Whitaker’s Almanack,” +a dissenting minister and a school-girl aged twelve: and lastly the +necessity of such a title for scaring all the Russias from India. But I +believe that in deference to the well-known modesty of her Most Gracious +Majesty he has not produced the most cogent reason of all, which is that +for her wonderful and continual goodness during the past fourteen years +in abstaining from the active functions of royalty, thus not only doing +no mischief but preparing us for a Republic de jure by habituating us to +a Republic _de facto_, she merits a great reward; and that, as she has +already more money than she knows what to do with, this reward of royal +virtue can most fittingly be rendered by her grateful subjects promoting +her to the rank of Empress. And it should be noted that whereas the old +title of Queen has a certain strength and stability in the habitudes if +not in the affections of the people, the new fangled title of Empress +has no such support, so that in assuming it our beloved monarch is but +working consistently and resolutely toward the great end of her reign, +the speedy abolition of monarchy and establishment of a Republic. + + + + +A BIBLE LESSON ON MONARCHY + + +(1876.) + +The old theory of “The right divine of kings to govern wrong,” and the +much-quoted text, “Fear God and honor the king,” seem to have impressed +many good people with the notion that the Bible is in favor of monarchy. +But “king” in the text plainly has the general meaning of “ruler,” and +would be equally applicable to the President of a Republic. In Romans +xiii. 1—3, we read: “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. +For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of +God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of +God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For +rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil.” Without +stopping to discuss the bold assertion in the last sentence, we may +remark that the real teaching of this passage is that Christians ought +to be indifferent to politics, quietly accepting whatever government +they find in power; for if the powers that be are ordained of God, or in +other words, if might is right, all forms of government are equally +entitled to obedience so long as they actually exist. Of course +Christians are not now, and for the most part have not been for +centuries, really indifferent to politics, because for the most part +they now are and long have been Christians only in name; but it is easy +to understand from the New Testament itself why the first Christians +naturally were thus indifferent, and why Christianity has never afforded +any political inspiration. Nothing can be clearer to one who reads the +New Testament honestly and without prejudice than the fact that Christ +and his apostles believed that the end of the world was at hand. Thus in +Matt, xxiv., Jesus after foretelling the coming to judgment of the son +of man in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory, when the +angels shall gather the elect from the four winds, adds, v. 34, “Verily +I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be +fulfilled.” This is repeated in almost the same words in Mark xiii., and +Luke xxi., and a careful reading of the Epistles shows that their +writers were profoundly influenced by this prophecy. But with the world +coming to an end so soon, it would be as absurd to take any interest in +its politics as for a traveller stopping two or three days in an inn to +concern himself self with schemes for rebuilding it, when about to leave +for a far country where he intends settling for life. If therefore we +want any political guidance from the Holy Scriptures, we must go to the +Old Testament, not to the New. + +Now the first lesson on Monarchy, which we remember made us think even +in childhood, is the fable of the trees electing a king, told by Jotham, +the son of Gideon, in Judges ix. The trees in the process of this +election showed a judgment much superior to that which men usually show +in such a business. It is true that they did not select first the most +strong and stalwart of trees, the cedar or the oak, but they had the +good sense to choose the most sweet-natured and bountiful, the olive, +then the fig, then the vine. But the bountiful trees thus chosen had +good sense too, and would not forsake the fatness and the sweetness and +the wine which cheereth God and man, to rule over their fellow trees. +Then the poor trees, like a jilted girl who marries in spleen the first +scamp she comes across, asked the bramble to be their king; and that +barren good-for-nothing of course accepted eagerly the crown which the +noble and generous had refused, and called upon the trees to put their +trust in its scraggy shadow, “and if not, let fire come out of the +bramble, and devour the cedars of Lebanon.” Young as we were when this +fable first caught our attention, we mused a good deal over it, and even +then began to learn that those most eager for supremacy, the most +forward candidates in elections, are nearly always brambles, not olives +or fig-trees or vines; and that the first thought of a bramble, when +made ruler over its betters, is naturally to destroy with fire the +cedars of Lebanon. + +But God himself in the case of the Israelites has vouchsafed to us a +very clear judgment on the question of Monarchy. In the remarkable +constitution for that people which he gave to Moses, he did not include +a king, and Israel remained without a king for more years than it is +worth while endeavoring to count here. We read, 1 Samuel viii., how “All +the elders of Israel gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel +unto Hamah, and said unto him, Behold thou art old, and thy sons walk +not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the nations. +But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king to judge +us. And Samuel prayed unto the Lord. And the Lord said unto Samuel, +Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for +they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should +not reign over them. + +“... Now therefore hearken unto their voice: how-beit yet protest +solemnly unto them, and show them the manner of the king that shall +reign over them.” Some students of the Bible may have thought that God’s +severe condemnation of the Israelites for wanting a king arose chiefly +from wounded pride, from the fact that they had rejected him, and we +cannot affirm that this feeling did not inflame his anger, for he +himself has said that he is a jealous God; but the protest which he +orders Samuel to make, and the exposition of the common evils of +kingship, prove clearly that God did not (and therefore, of course, does +not) approve this form of government. And, indeed, it is plain that if +he had approved it, he would have given it to his chosen people at +first. For although divines have termed the form of government under +which the Jews lived before the kings a theocracy, God did not then rule +immediately, but always through the medium of a high-priest or judge, +and could have governed through the medium of a king had he thought it +well so to do. And he who reads the history of the Jews under the +Judges, as contained in the Book of Judges, and especially the +narratives in chapters xvii. to xxi. which illustrate the condition of +Jewish society in those days when “there was no king in Israel: every +man did that which was right in his own eyes,” will see that God must +have thought a Monarchy very vile and odious indeed when he was angry at +the request for it, and implied that it was actually worse than that +government by Judges alternated with bondage under neighboring tribes +which the theologians call a theocracy. Samuel warned the people of what +a king would do, and doubtless thought he was warning them of the worst, +but kings have far outstripped all that the prophet could foresee. The +king, he said, will take your sons to be his warriors and servants; and +will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and cooks, and bakers. +This was the truth, and nothing but the truth, but it was not the whole +truth; for the sons have been taken to be far worse than mere warriors +and servants, and the daughters for much viler purposes than cooking and +baking. Samuel goes on: “And he will take your fields, and your +vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to +his servants”—when he does not keep them for himself might have been +added. “And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, +and give to his officers, and to his servants.” Surely much more than a +tenth, O Samuel! We will not quote the remainder of this wise warning. +Like most wise warnings it was ineffectual; the foolish people insisted +on having a king, and in the following chapters we read how Saul the Son +of Kish, going forth to seek his father’s asses, found his own subjects. + +The condemnation of Monarchy by God, as we read it in this instance, is +so thorough and general that we feel bound to add a few words on an +exceptional case in which a king is highly extolled in the Scriptures, +without any actions being recorded of him, as in the instances of David +and Solomon, to nullify the praise. The king in question was +Melchizedek, King of Salem, and priest of the most high God, who met +Abram returning from the defeat of the four kings and blessed him, and +to whom Abram gave tithes of all, as we read in Genesis xiv. But this +short notice of Melchizedek in Genesis does not by any means suggest to +us the full wonderfulness of his character, though we naturally conclude +from it that he was indeed an important personage to whom Abram gave +tithes of all. The New Testament, however, comes to our aid, and for +once gives us a most valuable political lesson, though the inspired +writer was far from thinking of political instruction when he wrote the +passage. In Hebrews vi., 20, and vii., 1 to 3, we read: “Jesus, made an +High Priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec. For this +Melchisedec, King of Salem, priest of the most high God, who met Abraham +returning from the slaughter of the kings, and blessed him; to whom also +Abraham gave a tenth part of all; first being by interpretation King of +righteousness, and after that also King of Salem, which is King of +peace; without father, without mother, without descent, having neither +beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; +abideth a priest continually.” Now he to whom Jesus is compared, and who +is like the Son of God, is clearly the noblest of characters; and +therefore, as the history in the first book of Samuel teaches us that +Monarchy is generally to be avoided, these fine verses from the Epistle +to the Hebrews delineate for us the exceptional king whose reign is to +be desired. + +The delineation is quite masterly, for a few lines give us +characteristics which cannot be overlooked or mistaken. This model +monarch must be a priest of the most high God—a king of righteousness +and king of peace; without father, without mother, without descent, +having neither beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the +Son of God. Whenever and wherever such a gentleman is met with, we would +advise even the most zealous Republicans to put him forthwith upon the +throne. But in the absence of such a gentleman we can hardly do wrong if +we follow the good advice of Samuel dictated by God Almighty, and manage +without any Monarch. + + + + +PRINCIPAL TULLOCH ON PERSONAL IMMORTALITY + + +[two excerpts.] + +(1877.) + +Dr. Tulloch has the sense to perceive and the candor to acknowledge that +even to those who have not any faith in God or Immortality, death need +not be terrible, and often is not; that they may be resigned or +peaceful, and meet the inevitable with a calm front; that they may be +even glad to be done with the struggle of existence. Of course this is +no news to us who have stood at the bedside of dying Materialists and +Atheists, or are familiar with trustworthy well-authenticated accounts +of the last hours of such persons. Still it is encouraging to find a +distinguished and influential minister openly recognising the facts, +instead of distorting them with the old contemptible pious fictions, +again and again repeated after being again and again refuted. But Dr. +Tulloch considers that only the light of the higher life in Christ can +glorify death. It would have been well had he been more specific as to +this higher life and the glory it casts on death. If they are as +described at length in the only authoritative Christian Scripture on the +subject, the Book of Revelation, it seems to me that the life is +anything but high, and radiates anything but glory. However, tastes +differ, and man is a queer fellow; and there may actually exist many +people who would prefer to annihilation a sort of everlasting Moody and +Sankey meeting, and would even regard this as celestial beatitude. +Concerning such I will only say with Goethe, I hope I shan’t go to +heaven with that lot! Yet these are not quite the lowest of the low in +our civilised Christendom; or are there not many who look forward with +complacency and even enthusiasm to a life beyond death, wherein they +shall be largely employed in rapping tables, jogging arms and scrawling +illiterate nonsense? Dr. Tulloch, in quoting St. Paul, seems to forget +that he was writing of himself and his fellow Christians, to whom his +words were thoroughly applicable; not of mankind in general, to whom +they were not, and by the construction of the sentence could not be. “If +in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most +miserable;” we, the Christians. And why would they be of all men the +most miserable? Clearly because, in obedience to the injunctions of +their Master, they had cut themselves off from this world that they +might secure the next; had renounced wealth, honor, society, enjoyment, +all interest in art, science, literature, all political and national +aspirations, and had courted obloquy and persecution; so that if the +next life should turn out to be a mockery, a delusion and a snare, they +were of all men the most miserable, being the most miserably deluded. +Those poor simple early Christians (on the showing, true or false, of +the books all Christians revere as sacred and divine), having only Jesus +and his apostles to instruct them, had not reached that lofty mercantile +wisdom which made the late Mr. Binney one of the most popular preachers +in our pious and mercantile country, when he solved the problem of _How +to Make the Best of Both Worlds_. Of other-worldliness they indeed had +enough and to spare; but they lacked the large modern grasp which +combines and intermingles it with an equal measure of this worldliness. +“They didn’t know everything down in Judee;” and St. Paul, though fairly +intelligent and cultivated for his benighted time, was in a deplorable +need of some lessons from Weigh-house Chapel. + +When the worthy Principal says that men cannot find strength or comfort +in what has been called the Religion of Humanity, and that they crave a +personal life, is he aware that he has descended from the highlands of +morality and truth to the lowest lowlands of Paley and Binney +expediency? Is he aware that he is moreover begging the question, making +the monstrous assumption that men must get what they crave? I call this +the childish lollipop attraction of religion, so absurd as to be really +beneath the contempt of full-grown men and women. Just as young ones +would look forward to having the free range as long as they liked (which +they would interpret for ever and ever) of shops full of sweeties, so +those big babies, our dear simple Christian brethren, look forward to +their Lubberland of eternal bliss, in singing Glory! Glory! Glory! Their +claim to it is purely the infant’s, because they would like it. Their +mouths water, they lick their lips, they gurgle luxuriously with the +foretaste: “Oh, we shall be so ’ap-’ap-’appy! Canaan is a happy place; +we’ll go to the land of Canaan!” And usually these beatific adult babies +are creatures such as an intelligent man would be ashamed to bring into +the world, much more a God. You can’t endure an hour of their society +here, and they pester you to come and spend eternity with them! I am +really sorry to find Dr. Tulloch in such company. + +In conclusion, I ask the reader to note especially the preacher’s avowal +that his faith in personal immortality has no warrant from Nature, no +warrant from Science; nay, more, that the suggestions of scientific +analysis “mockingly sift the sources of life only to hint our +mortality.” There is indeed no temper of mockery in Science, but its +soberest deductions may well seem to mock with a terrible derision the +inordinate greed and self-conceit of men, who, because they profess an +unscientific and unnatural faith, have lost all sense of proportion +between their infinitesimal selves and the infinite Universe. + + + + +THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH + + +Its Real As Distinguished From Its Apparent Strength + +(1862.) + +In discussions with “Infidels,” Churchmen are very ready with the taunt, +“You are but a handful of’ fanatics. Nearly the whole intellect of the +nation is for us and against you.” In general the taunt is merely +parried by a “What matter, if _we_ are right?” whereas it should also be +retorted by a counter-thrust of denial. For, in truth, but a very small +part of the intellect of the nation—_i.e._, intellect in the only sense +in which it is of importance—_active_ intellect, is devoted to the +Establishment or even to the Establishment and the so-called Dissenters +combined. If they only are the true soldiers of the Church militant whom +she spiritually feeds and equips for the warfare of life, and who are +loyal to her with their whole heart and mind, how many legions must be +deducted from the armies gathered round her banners before we can fairly +estimate her actual power in the field! Should Jesus come to eliminate +his true followers from the multitudes of professing Christians, as +Gideon selected his, three hundred from the two and thirty thousand +Israelites, let us consider whom he would reject. + +_First_, all the cowards and hypocrites who simply cling to what appears +the dominant party, and who would therefore call themselves Atheists +were Atheism in the ascendant; a vile brood, the incumbrance and +disgrace of every cause they adopt; “hateful to God and to the enemies +of God”; of whom even to write is not pleasant. + +_Secondly_, the indifferent through lack of vitality; men of tepid heart +and inert brain, who are incapable of any strong sane affection. I use +the word _sane_ because these creatures have intense self-love, which in +its essence is insane; and because also they may be frenzied by the +drunkenness of fanaticism, in which state they can die as devotedly as +they can murder atrociously. The adhesion of these also I count no gain +to any cause. + +_Thirdly_, the indifferent through excess of vitality, including the +most eminent “practical” men, soldiers, sailors, lawyers, engineers, +statesmen. These, applying their whole energies to their several +professions, rarely trouble themselves with theological any more than +with other extraneous matters, but passively acquiesce in whatever creed +may be prevalent around them. Their real church is the world; their real +worship is labor; and they no more add to the strength of their nominal +church than did the _savants_ to that of Napoleon’s army in Egypt—those +_savants_ whom the wise Napoleon always ordered (with the donkeys) to +the centre whenever an attack was expected. To these must be added all +the men whom we call fine animals, who enjoy such a red-blooded life in +this world that they are not subject to bilious forebodings of another. +Some classes of the most famous men—the poets, philosophers, doctors, +physicists, mathematicians—are commanded by their very vocations to +think seriously on some of the great theological questions, and +therefore, whether ranged for or against the Church, count for +something. The reader must ask his memory whether their weight in the +balance has preponderated for orthodoxy or for heterodoxy. The statesmen +I have counted among the indifferent, because their support of religion, +in whatever form, has been almost universally no more than political. + +_Fourthly_, the supersubtle, including laymen and divines of first-rate +talent; who cannot help delighting in the exercise of their skill of +fence, and who instinctively feel that it is much harder to champion any +existing institution than to attack it, and naturally (like all +unconquerable knights-errant) prefer the most difficult _devoir_. Their +adhesion to the Church, therefore, though seeming to strengthen it, +really proclaims its weakness. Macaulay tells us how Halifax, the +Trimmer, always joined the losing side. + +_Fifthly_, the supremely reverential, including the very best of the +laymen and divines; men whose lofty reason is drowned in a yet deeper +faith, as mountain-peaks high as the highest in air are said to be +submerged in the abysses of the Atlantic. In many cases these might be +ranked in the preceding class; for it is a general rule that the more +reverence, the more subtlety. They see—how clearly!—the flaws and +imperfections of their Church, they even realise the danger of its total +fall; but they cannot tear themselves away from the venerable building +wherein all their forefathers worshipped, in whose consecrated precincts +all their forefathers were buried in hopes of a happy resurrection; +whose chants were the rapturous music and whose windows were the +heavenly glories of their pure childhood; whose prayers they repeated +night after night and morning after morning at their mother’s knee. Can +they leave this, with all its treasured holiness of antiquity for some +new bold glaring erection, wherein men certainly congregate ta talk +about God, but which might just as well be used as a warehouse or a +manufactory? No; rather than leave it they will believe, they will force +themselves to believe, that some miraculous renovation is at hand, or +that (as the structure was certainly raised by God) God will uphold it +in spite of the law of gravitation. These are the men who keep the +Church from falling into insignificance, but they are not essentially +hers. It is not she alone whom they could thus worship. Had they been +brought up idolators, idolatry must have retained almost the same +influence over spirits so reverentially humble, so loving and pure. + +And here it may be remarked that one can scarcely conceive a Church so +frail and gloomy and even vile, but that a fervent soul and a strong +intellect could fortify it with argument, adorn it with the gold and +jewels of imagination, illustrate its dark altars and vivify its dead +idols with the burning fire of spirituality, until it should be far more +noble and mighty and splendid than ever was aspired to by the majority +of men. But mark, such men as these of whom I speak do not derive their +religiousness from, but really bestow it upon the Church in which they +pray. She is subject and indebted to them, not they to her. She does not +nourish them, they nourish her. She is the statue, they are Pygmalion. +And they are indeed idolators, for they worship a creation of their own +souls. Perhaps Pygmalion himself fell down and adored his flushed and +breathing statue, thinking her, with artist-reverence, nothing less than +a transformation of Venus Urania. When one thinks of certain noble men +and women—as Maurice and Kingsley, Ruskin and the Browning—devoting +themselves in spite of themselves to an effete faith, one is sadly +reminded of poor Abishag the Shunammite wasting and withering her +healthful youth to cherish old worn-out David, “who knew her not,” who +could fill her with no new life, and who was, despite her cherishing, so +certainly near death. He had been a great king in his time, but now his +time was past, and as it was now the maiden’s spring-time, he should +have left her to live her proper life. + +But when all these are separated from the host, who are left to whom we +may point in answer to Emerson’s question, “In Christendom, where is the +Christian?” Strictly speaking there has never been but one Christian—the +man Christ Jesus. But I would give the title to those who thoroughly +believe the Bible after having investigated it to the best of their +power, who find its doctrines completely satisfy them, and who sincerely +endeavor to act up to those doctrines. How many of such are there? I +have known perhaps half a dozen. Has any reader known many more? Will +any one dare assert that they are more numerous in England than the +equally sincere Secularists or Atheists? I scarcely think any honest and +thoughtful person will. + +FINIS. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 39119 *** diff --git a/39119-h/39119-h.htm b/39119-h/39119-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9207e6c --- /dev/null +++ b/39119-h/39119-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,5869 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>Satires And Profanities | Project Gutenberg</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + +h1 {font-size: 300%; + margin-top: 0.6em; + margin-bottom: 0.6em; + letter-spacing: 0.12em; + word-spacing: 0.2em; + text-indent: 0em; + text-align: center;} + +.italics { font-style: italic } +.no-italics { font-style: normal } + +.bold { font-weight: bold } +.no-bold { font-weight: normal } + +.small-caps { } /* Epub needs italics */ +.gesperrt { } /* Epub needs italics */ +.antiqua { font-style: italic } /* what else can we do ? */ +.monospaced { font-family: monospace } + +.smaller { font-size: smaller } +.larger { font-size: larger } + +.xx-small { font-size: xx-small } +.x-small { font-size: x-small } +.small { font-size: small } +.medium { font-size: medium } +.large { font-size: large } +.x-large { font-size: x-large } +.xx-large { font-size: xx-large } + +.text-transform-uppercase { text-transform: uppercase } +.text-transform-lowercase { text-transform: lowercase } +.text-transform-none { text-transform: none } + +.red { color: red } +.green { color: green } +.blue { color: blue } +.yellow { color: yellow } +.white { color: white } +.gray { color: gray } +.black { color: black } + +/* ALIGN */ + +.left { text-align: left } +.center { text-align: center } +.right { text-align: right } +.justify { text-align: justify } + +/* LINE HEIGHT */ + +body { line-height: 1.5 } +p { margin: 0; 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padding-top: 10% } + div.cleardoublepage { page-break-before: right; padding-top: 10% } + + .vfill { margin-top: 20% } + h2.title { margin-top: 20% } +} + +.pageno { position: absolute; right: 95%; font: medium sans-serif; } +.pageno:after { color: gray; content: '[' attr(title) ']' } +.lineno { position: absolute; left: 95%; font: medium sans-serif; } +.lineno:after { color: gray; content: '[' attr(title) ']' } +.toc-pageref { float: right } +pre { font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.9em; white-space: pre-wrap } +</style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 39119 ***</div> + +<h1>SATIRES AND PROFANITIES</h1> + +<div class="center line-block noindent outermost"> +<div class="line"><cite class="italics">By</cite></div> +<div class="line"> </div> +<div class="line"><span class="bold x-large">James Thomson</span></div> +<div class="line"> </div> +<div class="line"><span class="small-caps">With a Preface by G. W. Foote</span></div> +<div class="line"> </div> +<div class="line"><span class="italics small">London</span></div> +<div class="line"> </div> +<div class="line"><span class="small-caps">1884</span></div> +</div> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="id1"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title">CONTENTS</h2> +<div class="container contents"> +<ul class="compact simple toc-list"> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#preface" id="id2">PREFACE</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-devil-in-the-church-of-england" id="id3">THE DEVIL IN THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#religion-in-the-rocky-mountains" id="id4">RELIGION IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-story-of-a-famous-old-jewish-firm" id="id5">THE STORY OF A FAMOUS OLD JEWISH FIRM</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#christmas-eve-in-the-upper-circles" id="id6">CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE UPPER CIRCLES</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#heine-on-an-illustrious-exile-with-something-about-whales" id="id7">HEINE ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS EXILE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT WHALES</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-daily-news" id="id8">THE DAILY NEWS</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#jesus-as-god-as-a-man" id="id9">JESUS: AS GOD; AS A MAN</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-one-thing-needful" id="id10">THE ONE THING NEEDFUL</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-swinburne-controversy" id="id11">THE SWINBURNE CONTROVERSY</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#great-christ-is-dead" id="id12">GREAT CHRIST IS DEAD</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#resurrection-and-ascension-of-jesus" id="id13">RESURRECTION AND ASCENSION OF JESUS</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#some-muslim-laws-and-beliefs" id="id14">SOME MUSLIM LAWS AND BELIEFS</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-christian-world-and-the-secularist" id="id15">THE CHRISTIAN WORLD AND THE SECULARIST</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-athanasian-creed" id="id16">THE ATHANASIAN CREED</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#our-obstructions" id="id17">OUR OBSTRUCTIONS</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#mr-kingsleys-convertites" id="id18">MR. KINGSLEY’S CONVERTITES</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-primate-on-the-church-and-the-world" id="id19">THE PRIMATE ON THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#spiritism-in-the-police-court" id="id20">SPIRITISM IN THE POLICE COURT</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#a-commission-of-inquiry-on-royalty" id="id21">A COMMISSION OF INQUIRY ON ROYALTY</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#draft" id="id22">Draft</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#a-bible-lesson-on-monarchy" id="id23">A BIBLE LESSON ON MONARCHY</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#principal-tulloch-on-personal-immortality" id="id24">PRINCIPAL TULLOCH ON PERSONAL IMMORTALITY</a></p> +</li> +<li class="level-2 toc-entry"><p class="first pfirst"><a class="reference internal" href="#the-established-church" id="id25">THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH</a></p> +</li> +</ul> +</div> +</div> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="preface"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id2">PREFACE</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">B</span><span class="dropspan">elieving</span> as I do that James Thomson is, since Shelley, the most +brilliant genius who has wielded a pen in the service of Freethought, +I take a natural pride and pleasure in rescuing the following articles +from burial in the great mausoleum of the periodical press. There will +doubtless be a diversity of opinion as to their value. One critic, +for instance, has called “The Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm” +a witless squib; but, on the other hand, the late Professor Clifford +considered it a piece of exquisite mordant satire worthy of Swift. Such +differences are inevitable from the very nature of the subject. Satire, +more than any other form of composition, rouses antipathy where it does +not command applause; and the greater the satire, the more intense are +the feelings it excites.</p> +<p class="pnext">But which side, it may be inquired, is likely to be the best judge? +Surely the friendly one. Sympathy is requisite to insight, as Carlyle +says; while hostility blinds us to a thousand virtues and beauties. I am +aware that many will take objection to the employment of satire at +all, whether good or bad, on religious topics; but this seems to me +preposterous, and I should readily answer it, if Thomson had not done so +himself in the most vigorous and triumphant manner.</p> +<p class="pnext">Nearly all the pieces in this volume appeared originally in the National +Reformer or the Secularist. I have attempted no arrangement of them, not +even a chronological one; the compositor has shuffled them at his own +sweet will. All I have done, besides collecting them and carefully +reading the proofs, is to indicate in each case the year of first +publication; and I think the reader will approve this plan as both +modest and sensible.</p> +<p class="pnext">I am much mistaken if this volume does not become a well-prized treasure +to many Freethinkers; that it will ever be valued by the general public +I dare not hope. Yet the number of its admirers will increase with the +growth of a healthy scepticism. It will not fall like a bombshell +among ordinary readers, who serenely ignore the most terrible mental +explosives, and render them comparatively innocuous by mere force of +neglect; but it will startle and stimulate some minds, and in time its +influence will extend to many more.</p> +<p class="pnext">What value Thomson placed on these pieces it is difficult to decide. +“Working off the talent,” he once remarked when I mentioned them. +But the fact remains that he allowed one or two of them to be reprinted +as pamphlets before any of his poems were collected in a volume. He +naturally cared more for his poems than for his prose. What poet ever +did the contrary? But even for these he cared little, except “The City +of Dreadful Night” and a few others, which expressed his profoundest +convictions.</p> +<p class="pnext">There were several articles in his “Essays and Phantasies” that +proved Thomson to be a born satirist as well as a born poet; notably +“Proposals for the Speedy Extinction of Evil and Misery,” a +tremendous display of sustained irony, to my mind unsurpassed even by +Swift at his greatest, and with a poetic grandeur quite beyond him. The +contents of this volume show marks of the same strong hand. There is +never, perhaps, so continuous an exertion of power; but there is more +versatility, more freedom, and often more abandon. I fancy, too, there +is more rapidity and suppleness, and I am sure there is more mirth.</p> +<p class="pnext">Thomson’s satire was always bitterest, or at any rate most trenchant, +when it dealt with Religion, which he considered a disease of the mind, +engendered by folly and fostered by ignorance and vanity. He saw that +spiritual superstition not only diverts men from Truth, but induces +a slavish stupidity of mind, and prepares the way for every form of +political and social injustice. He was an Atheist first and a Republican +afterwards. He derided the idea of making a true Republic of a +population besotted with religion, paralysed by creeds cringing to the +agents of their servitude, and clinging to the chains that enthral them.</p> +<p class="pnext">A few words only as to Thomson’s life. Outwardly it was singularly +uneventful, although inwardly it was intense and exciting. He was bom at +Port Glasgow, on the 23rd of November, 1834; and he died in London, on +the 1st of June 1882. His father was a merchant captain, and his mother +a zealous Irvingite. Left parentless in his infancy, he was educated at +the Caledonian Orphan Asylum. For some years he served as a schoolmaster +in the army, during which time he contracted an intimate friendship with +Mr. Bradlaugh, with whom he subsequently worked and lived in London. +Soon after leaving Mr. Bradlaugh he devoted himself to journalism, to +which he brought a well-practised pen; contributing to the <em class="italics">National +Reformer, the Secularist, the Liberal, Cope’s Tobacco Plant</em>, and other +periodicals. Shortly before his death he gained access to the <em class="italics">Weekly +Dispatch</em> and the <em class="italics">Fortnightly Review</em>. His poems and essays were mostly +written before he tried to live by his pen. Four volumes of these have +been published by Reeves and Turner, under the generous editorship of +Mr. Bertram Dobell, who has prefixed a memoir to the last, entitled +“A Voice from the Nile and Other Poems.” Besides the five volumes +of Thomson’s writings now before the public, there are many essays and +articles and a few poems still uncollected, some of them of high value; +and many poems in manuscript, unknown to all but a few privileged +friends. Mr. Dobell hopes to publish them all in time. Thomson’s +poetical reputation is, however, already established. The best judges +give him the highest praise. My own judgment assigns him the next place +to Robert Browning. Of course it is no blasphemy to dispute my estimate; +but what prospect is there of reversing the common verdict of George +Eliot, George Meredith, Swinburne, and Rossetti?</p> +<p class="pnext">Mr. Dobell refers to the charm of Thomson’s manner in social +intercourse. His personal appearance told in his favor. He was of +the medium height, well-built, and active. He possessed that striking +characteristic sometimes found in mixed races—black hair and beard, +and grey-blue eyes. The eyes were fine and wonderfully expressive. They +were full of shifting light, soft grey in some moods and deep blue in +others. They contained depth within depth; and when he was moved by +strong passion they widened and flashed with magnetic power. When not +suffering from depression he was the life of the company. He was the +most brilliant talker I ever met, and at home in all societies; a fine +companion in a day’s walk, and a shining figure at the festive table +or in the social drawing-room. But you enjoyed his conversation most +when you sat with him alone, taking occasional draughts of our national +beverage, and constantly burning “the divine weed.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Thomson’s sympathy with radical and revolutionary causes is not much +noticed by Mr. Dobell, but it was very strong. He was secretary for some +time to the Polish Committee in London, and his glorious lines on “A +Polish Insurgent” which I for one can never read without tears, proves +that he might have written the noble songs that George Eliot hoped +he would compose. He sympathised with all self-sacrifice, all lofty +aspiration, and in particular with all suffering. This last emotion +was often betrayed by a look rather than expressed in words. I vividly +remember being with him once on a popular holiday at the Alexandra +Palace. We were seated on the grass, watching the shifting groups of +happy forms, and exchanging appreciative or satirical remarks. Suddenly +I observed my companion’s gaze fixed on a youth who limped by with +a pleasant smile on his face, but too obviously beyond hope of ever +sharing in the full enjoyment of life. Thomson’s eyes followed him +until he passed out of sight, and the next moment our eyes met. I shall +never forget the gentle sadness of that look, its beautiful sympathy +that transcended speech, and made all words poor.</p> +<p class="pnext">Thomson’s life was a long tragedy. He inherited from his father a +fatal curse, and in his youth he lost the beautiful girl to whom he was +engaged. She was the object of his passionate adoration, and allusions +to her often occur in his poems. Her image mingled with all the sombre +panoramas of Love and Death and Grief that passed before the eyes of +his imagination. Yet I do not agree with Mr. Dobell in regarding this +bereavement as the <em class="italics">cause</em> of his life-long misery. She was, I hold, +merely the peg on which he hung his raiment of sorrow; without her, +another object might have served the same purpose. He carried within +him his proper curse, constitutional melancholia. From long and careful +observation I formed this conclusion, and it explains Thomson’s life +and philosophy. I would not dogmatise, however; for the profundities and +subtleties of the human heart baffle all calculation. Certitude is +now impossible. The seal of eternal silence is set on Thomson’s +lips—“after life’s fitful fever he sleeps well.” He is buried +at Highgate, and his darling lies, I suspect, in an unknown grave. +Death has at last united them, but their love survives in the glory of +immortal song.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-devil-in-the-church-of-england"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id3">THE DEVIL IN THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has delivered judgment +in the case of Jenkins v. Cook. Many of the highest personages in the +realm, including the Archbishop of Canterbury and the great law-lords, +were present to give weight and solemnity to the decision, which was +read by the Lord Chancellor. It was reported at full length in the +<em class="italics">Times</em> of the following day, Feb. 17, 1876, the length being two +columns of small print.</p> +<p class="pnext">I must try to indicate briefly the main facts of the case, before +hazarding any comments on it. Mr. Jenkins, of Christ Church, Clifton, +brought an action against his vicar, the Kev. Flavel S. Cook, for +refusing him the Sacrament of the Holy Communion. Mr. Cook justified the +refusal on the ground that Mr. Jenkins did not believe in the Devil, +all passages relating to the Devil and evil spirits having been excluded +from a bulky volume published by Mr. Jenkins, entitled “Selections +from the Old and New Testaments.” By the evidence of Mrs. Jenkins, who +attempted an amicable arrangement, it appears that Mr. Cook said to her: +“Let Mr. Jenkins write me a calm letter, and say he believes in the +Devil, and I will give him the Sacrament.” Whereupon Mr. Jenkins wrote +on July 20, 1874: “With regard to my book, ‘Selections from the Old +and New Testaments,’ the parts I have omitted, and which has enabled +me [meaning, doubtless, and the omission of which has enabled me] to +use the book morning and evening in my family are, in their present +generally received sense, quite incompatible with region or decency (in +my opinion). How such ideas have become connected with a book containing +everything that is necessary for a man to know, I really cannot say; I +can only sincerely regret it.” Mr. Cook replied in effect: “Then you +cannot be received at the Lord’s table in my church.” Mr. Jenkins, a +regular communicant, and admittedly a man of exemplary and devout life, +answered: “Thinking as you do, I do not see what other course you +could consistently have taken. I shall, nevertheless, come to the +Lord’s table as usual at ‘your’ church, which is also mine.” +Accordingly he presented himself, and was repelled, whereupon he brought +an action against Mr. Cook.</p> +<p class="pnext">The case was first tried in the Court of Arches, and the dean dismissed +the suit and condemned Mr. Jenkins in costs, saying, “I am of opinion +that the avowed and persistent denial of the existence and personality +of the Devil did, according to the law of the Church, as expressed in +her canons and rubrics, constitute the promoter [Mr. Jenkins] ‘an +evil liver,’ and ‘a depraver of the Book of Common Prayer and +Administration of the Sacraments,’ in such sense as to warrant the +defendant in refusing to administer the Holy Communion to him until he +disavowed or withdrew his avowal of the heretical opinion, and that the +same consideration applies to the absolute denial by the promoter of the +doctrine of the eternity of punishment, and, of course, still more to +the denial of all punishment for sin in a future state, which is the +legitimate consequence of his deliberate exclusion of the passages of +scripture referring to such punishment.”</p> +<p class="pnext">So far, so well; the Church of England was assured of the Devil and the +eternal punishment it has always held so dear. But Mr. Jenkins appealed +to the highest court, and this has reversed the decision of the lower, +admonished Mr. Cook for his conduct in the past, monished him to refrain +from the like offence in future, and condemned him in the costs of both +suits. Do you think, then, that the Church of England is authoritatively +deprived of her dear Devil and her beloved eternal punishment? Not at +all; the really important problem is evaded with consummate lawyerlike +wariness; the points in dispute are most shiftily shifted like slides +of a magic lantern; we have a new decision essentially unrelated to +that which it cancels; we have a judgment which concerns not the +Devil—except that he would chuckle over the too clever unwisdom which +fancies it can extinguish “burning questions” with legal wigs.</p> +<p class="pnext">Their most learned lordships in the first place observe that the learned +judge of the Court of Arches appears to have considered that the canon +and the rubric severally warrant the repulsion from the Lord’s +table of “an evil liver,” and “a depraver of the Book of Common +Prayer,” whereas the terms are “an open and notorious evil liver,” +and “common and notorious depravers.” This is a most pregnant +distinction, teaching us that an evil liver and a depraver of the said +book, as long as he is not notoriously such, is fully entitled to +the Holy Communion, fully entitled to the privilege of “eating and +drinking damnation to himself?” a privilege from which the notorious +evil liver and depraver is righteously debarred.</p> +<p class="pnext">Now, their most learned lordships find that there is absolutely no +evidence that the appellant was an evil liver, much less an open +and notorious evil liver. The Question follows, Was he a common and +notorious depraver of the Book of Common Prayer? It was contended that +the Selections, coupled with the letter of July 20, proved him to be +this. But the letter was not written spontaneously. He was invited by +the respondent, Mr. Cook, to write it. It was a friendly and private, +as well as a solicited, communication. Therefore, whatever be the +construction of the letter, and even if there be in it a depravation of +the Book of Common Prayer, still it would be impossible to hold that the +writing of such a letter in such circumstances could make the appellant +“a common and notorious depraver.” Whence it is clear that a man +may deprave the Book of Common Prayer as much as he pleases in private +conversation and letters, yet retain the precious privilege of “eating +and drinking damnation to himself” in the Holy Communion; he can +only forfeit this by common and notorious depravation of that blessed +book—for instance, by a depravation repeatedly published in a +newspaper, or persistently proclaimed by the town-crier.</p> +<p class="pnext">So far the law seems most clear, and the judgment quite incontestible. +But leaving the strait limits of the law, and looking at the facts in +evidence, there is one part of the judgment which to the common lay mind +is simply astonishing. Their most learned lordships “<em class="italics">desire to state +in the most emphatic manner that there is not before them any evidence +that the appellant entertains the doctrines attributed to him by the +Dean of Arches</em>;” wherefore their most learned and subtle lordships “do +not mean to decide that those doctrines are otherwise than inconsistent +with the formularies of the Church of England.” Nor, of course, do +they mean to decide that those doctrines <em class="italics">are</em> inconsistent with, those +formularies. No, “This is not the subject for their lordships’ +present consideration.” Indeed, “If they were [had been] called +upon to decide that [whether] those opinions, or any of them, could be +entertained or expressed by a member of the Church, whether layman or +clergyman, consistently with the law and with his remaining in communion +with the Church, they would have looked upon this case with much greater +anxiety than they now feel in its decision.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Mr. Jenkins compiles and publishes a book of “Selections from the +Bible,” carefully excluding all passages relating to the Devil and +evil spirits. The book is bulky; and, in fact, though this is not +expressly stated, seems to contain pretty well all the Bible except such +passages. He further exhibits in the case a book of selections from +the liturgy of the Church of England, apparently compiled on the same +principle of exclusion.. Mr. Cook sends through Mrs. J. a message: +“Let Mr. J. write me a calm letter, and say he believes in the Devil, +and I will give him the Sacrament.” Mr. J. replies, as we have seen, +that the parts he has omitted are, in his opinion, quite incompatible +with religion or decency, <em class="italics">in their generally received sense</em>; such +generally received sense being evidently (to all of us save their +most learned and subtle lordships) that in which the Church of +England receives them. Mr. C. replies, “Then I must refuse you the +Communion.” Mr. J. answers, “Thinking as you do, I do not see what +other course you could con-. sistently have taken;” and resolves to +test the question of legality. With these facts staring them in the +face, their most learned and most subtle lordships can, with the utmost +solemnity, and in the most emphatic manner, declare that there is not +any evidence before them that Mr. Jenkins does not believe in the Devil +in the common Church of England sense! What the eyes of laymen, however +purblind, cannot help seeing clearly, their far-sighted lordships, +putting on legal spectacles, dim with the dust of many ages, manage not +to discern at all.</p> +<p class="pnext">The question cannot be left thus undecided. As matters stand, the poor +Church does not know whether, legally, it has a Devil or not. Its Devil, +its dear and precious old Devil, is in a state of suspended animation, +neither dead nor alive; a most inefficient and burdensome Devil. He must +either be restored to full health and vigor, or buried away decently +for ever; decently and solemnly, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in the +presence of all their lordships of the Judicial Committee of the Privy +Council, reading the appropriate Church service over his grave. That +would be touching and impressive!—“Forasmuch as it hath pleased +Almighty God (with the sanction and authority of the Judicial Committee +of the Privy Council) of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul +of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to +the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and +certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus +Christ.” At present it appears that every clergyman and layman in the +Church has the legal right to sing as a solo in private, especially if +solicited, Beranger’s refrain, “<em class="italics">The Devil is dead! The Devil is +dead!</em>” while it is doubtful whether he is at liberty to chant it +publicly and in chorus—a state of things anomalous beyond even the +normal anomalism of all things in this our happy England. It is urgent +that some one, lay or cleric, should compel the decision which the suit +of Mr. Jenkins has failed to obtain.</p> +<p class="pnext">In considering the question whether disbelief in the Devil would +“deprave” the Prayer Book, we must refer to this book itself. It +contains three creeds—the Apostles’, the Nicene, and that called of +Athanasius. Of these the Nicene (the creed in the Communion Service, by +the way) mentions neither the Devil nor Hell; the Apostles’ and the +so-called Athanasian mention hell but not the Devil. In No. III. of the +Thirty-nine Articles hell is solidly established, but again there is no +mention of the Devil. It may be argued that hell implies the Devil, as +a fox-hole implies a fox; but his existence is not authoritatively +averred. Strangely enough, the only personage who, according to the +creeds and articles, has certainly been in hell, is Jesus Christ +himself: “He descended into hell; the third day he rose again from the +dead; he ascended into heaven.” What took <em class="italics">him</em> to hell? The Prayer +Book does not inform us. But we learn from the Epistle called 1 Peter, +chap. iii., 19, 20, and chap. iv., 6: “By which also he went and +preached unto the spirits in prison, which sometime were disobedient, +when once the long-suffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while +the ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is eight souls, were saved by +water.... For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are +dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live +according to God in the spirit.” Whence it appears that the spirits in +prison were not the Devil and his angels, but the spirits of those who +were drowned in the Flood for disobedience; and it furthermore appears +that these spirits were saved by the preaching of Christ; so that in +this famous harrying of hell, he seems to have left it as empty as the +mosstroopers in their forays left farmsteads. It is true that No. VI. of +the Articles settles the canon of the Old and New Testaments, and that +anyone daring to exclude from belief anything in this canon might be +convicted of depraving the Prayer Book. But in that case all the best +scholars and divines of the Church are guilty of this dreadful sin; +and not only guilty, but openly, commonly and notoriously guilty: and +therefore all merit repulsion from the Lord’s table. Let the truly +faithful clergy, those who believe all without question or distinction, +do their duty to the Articles of religion of their Church (the Creeds, +as I have pointed out, are neutral), and they will shut out from their +Communion nearly all the intelligent piety and learning which lend it +whatever dignity it still retains. Granted the canon in its integrity, +and the existence of a personal Devil, and the doctrine of eternal +punishment cannot be fairly disputed. Without multiplying texts, I may +refer to Revelation, chap. xx., as decisive on these points.</p> +<p class="pnext">From these considerations it follows that if the Church of England is +bound by her own articles she will hold fast to the Devil and hell, +and deny the privilege of her Communion to any one who depraves the +Prayer-Book by common and notorious disbelief in them. And for my own +part, I do not see how the Church could get on at all without a Devil +and hell, especially in competition with the other Christian sects, +which make unlimited use of both. The Devil is in fact as essential +to the Christian schemes as a leader of the opposition to that great +political blessing, government by party. If he were to die, or be +deposed, it would be necessary to elect another to the vacant dignity. +You cannot put the leadership in commission as the unfortunate Liberals +were taunted with doing, in their demoralisation after their disasters +of the General Election and Mr. Gladstone’s sudden retirement. Just +as Mr. Disraeli lamented the withdrawal of Mr. Gladstone, complaining +of the embarrassment caused to the Government by having no responsible +leader opposed to it, so we can imagine dear God lamenting the absence +of a Devil, and declaring that the Christian scheme could not work +well without one. His utter loss would make the government of the world +retrograde from an admirably balanced constitutional monarchy to a mere +Oriental absolute despotism. You must choose some one to lead, if only +in name and for the time, as the Whigs chose Lord Hartington. But though +Lord Hartington is still tolerated by us English, a Lord Hartington of +a Devil, be it said with all respect to both his lordship and his +Devil-ship, would scarcely be tolerated by either the celestial or the +infernal benches.</p> +<p class="pnext">In Beranger’s authentic record, already alluded to, of “The Death of +the Devil”—which, however, relates only to the Church of Rome—we +read how, on learning the catastrophe:—</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“The conclave shook with mortal fear; +Power and cash-box, adieu! they said; +We have lost our father dear, +The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">But while they they were in this passion of grief and despair, St. +Ignatius offered to take the place of the dead Devil; and none could +doubt that he with his Jesuits for imps would prove a most efficient +substitute. Wherefore the Church threw off its sorrow and welcomed his +offer with most holy rapture:—</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“Noble fellow! cried all the court, +We bless thee for thy malice and hate. +And at once his Order, Rome’s support, +Saw its robe flutter Heaven’s gate. +From the angel’s tears of pity fell: +Poor man will have cause to rue, they said; +St. Ignatius inherits Hell. +The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">Thus matters continued well for the Church of Rome, and, in fact, became +even better than before. But if the Devil should die in the Church of +England, whom has she that could efficiently take his place? She has no +saints except the disciples and apostles of the New Testament, and these +have long since gone to glory. Would Mr. Gladstone undertake the office? +or Mr. Beresford Hope, with the <em class="italics">Saturday Review</em> for his infernal +gazette? or the editor of the <em class="italics">Rock?</em> or he of the <em class="italics">Church Times?</em> +or the man who does religion for the <em class="italics">Daily Telegraph?</em> Each of these +distinguished gentlemen might well eagerly accept the candidature or a +post so lofty: but I fear that none of them could be considered equal +to its functions. Perhaps Mr. Disraeli has the requisite genius, and +probably he would be very glad to exchange the Premiership of little +England for that of large hell: but unfortunately he has already +committed himself to the side of the angels, meaning by angels the +humdrum Tory angels of heaven—for, as Dr. Johnson said, the Devil +was the first Whig. On the whole, the Church of England had better keep +loyal to its ancient and venerable Devil, being too impoverished in +intellect and character to supply a worthy successor.</p> +<p class="pnext">I have ventured to compare the government of the world in the Christian +scheme, by a God and a Devil, with our own felicitous government by +party. There is, however, or rather there appears to be, a striking +difference between the two. In our government, when the Prime Minister +finds himself decidedly in a minority, he goes out of office, and the +Leader of the Opposition goes in; in the Government of the World the +Leader of the Opposition seems to have always had an immense majority +(and his majority in these days is probably larger than ever before, +seeing that sceptics and infidels have multiplied exceedingly), yet the +other side is supposed to retain permanent possession of office. I say +“supposed,” because the Bible itself suggests that this popular +opinion is a mistake, the Devil (if there be a Devil) being entitled +by it the prince of this world, which surely implies his accession to +power.</p> +<p class="pnext">Although the Godhead or governing power of the world, according to the +Christian scheme, is usually spoken and written of as a trinity, it +is, in fact, quarterary or fourfold for Protestants, and quinary or +fivefold for Roman Catholics. The former have God the Father, God the +Son, God the Holy Ghost, and God the Devil; the latter supplement these +with Goddess the Virgin Mary. Both formally acknowledge the first three +as collectively and severally almighty, but Protestants implicitly +acknowledge the fourth, and Roman Catholics the fifth, as more almighty +still (these solecisms of dogma cannot be expressed without solecisms of +language). With the Roman Catholics I am not concerned here. With regard +to the Protestants, and those especially professing the Protestantism +of the Church of England, I may safely affirm that the Devil is not less +essential to their theology than is any person of the Trinity, or, in +fact, than are the three persons together. Indeed, the Father and the +Holy Ghost have been practically dispensed with, leaving Christ and +Satan to fight the battle out between themselves.</p> +<p class="pnext">As this is a gloriously scientific age, nobly enamored of the exact +sciences, I will endeavor to expound this sublime subject of the +divinity of the Church of England mathematically, even after the manner +of the divine Plato in Book VIII. of “The Republic,” treating of +divine and human generation; and in the “Timæus,” treating of +the creation of the universal soul. His demonstrations, indeed, are so +divinely obscure as to confound all the scholiasts; my demonstration, +however, shall be so translucent that even the most learned and subtle +lords of the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council, with their legal +spectacles on, shall not be able to help seeing through it. And whereas +the figures, which are shapes, are more intelligible to most people than +the figures which are numbers, let the exposition be geometrical. We +will say, then, that the Church of old conceived the divinity in the +form of an equilateral triangle, whereof the base was Christ as the +whole system was founded on belief in the Lord Jesus Christ, and the +Father and the Holy Ghost were the two sides, leaning each on the +other; and the Devil was the apex, as opposed to, and farthest from, our +blessed Savior. But in course of time the theologians (perhaps merely +wanting some occupation for their vigorous talents, perhaps deeming it +undignified to have two persons of the godhead supporting each other +obliquely like a couple of tipsy men, perhaps simply in order to make +matters square) set to work, and pushed up the two sides, so that each +might stand firm and perpendicular by itself. This process had two +unforeseen results; it expanded the apex, which was a very elastic +point, so that it became the crowning side of the square, and it so +unhinged the sides that after a brief upright existence they lost their +balance, and were carried to Limbo by the first wind of strange doctrine +which blew that way; and the Devil and Christ, or Christ and the Devil +(arrange the precedence as you please), were left alone confronting each +other. These two are of course equal and parallel, the main distinction +between them being that Christ is below, and the Devil above, or, in +other words, that the Devil is superior and Christ inferior (the Devil +seems entitled to the precedence). Thus matters have continued even to +the present time, the divinity showing itself, as we may say, without +form and void; and we are free to speculate on the momentous questions: +Will the crown (which is the Devil) fall into the base (which is +Christ)? Will the base float up into the crown? Will the two coalesce +half way? Will they both, unknit from their sides, be carried away to +Limbo by some blast of strange doctrine? One thing is certain, they +cannot long remain as they are. Rare Ben Jonson chanted the Trinity, or +Equilateral Triangle; rare Walt Whitman has chanted the Square Deific +(with Satan for the fourth side); no poet can care to chant the two +straight lines which, in the language of Euclid, and in the region of +intelligence, cannot enclose a space, but are as a magnified symbol of +equal—to nothing.</p> +<p class="pnext">P. S.—It may be appropriately added that the books of Euclid are +really symbolic and prophetic expositions of most sublime and sacrosanct +mysteries, though in these days few persons seem aware of the fact. Thus +the very first definition, “A point is position without magnitude,” +exactly defines every point of difference between the theologians. So +a line, which is as the prolongation of a point, or length without +breadth, represents in one sense (for each symbol has manifold meanings) +the history of any theological system. An acute angle is, say, Professor +Clifford; an obtuse angle, Mr. Whalley; a right angle, the present +writer: <em class="italics">non angeli sed Angli</em>. The first proposition, “To erect an +equilateral triangle upon a given finite straight line,” indicates the +problem solved by Christianity, when it erected the Trinity on the basis +of the man we call Jesus. This pregnant subject should be worked out in +detail through the whole eight books.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="religion-in-the-rocky-mountains"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id4">RELIGION IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">Top of Pike’s Peak, March 4th, 1873.</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">H</span><span class="dropspan">onored</span> with your special commission, I at once hurried across to +Denver, and thence still westward until I found myself among the big +vertebrae of this longish backbone of America. I have wandered to and +fro among the new cities, the advanced camps of civilisation, always +carefully reticent as to my mission, always carefully inquiring into +the state of religion both in doctrine and practice. You were so hopeful +that high Freethought would be found revelling triumphant in these high +free regions, that I fear you will be acutely pained by this my true +report. Churches and chapels of all kinds abound—Episcopalian, +Methodist Episcopal (for the Methodists here have bishops), +Presbyterian, Baptist, Congregational, Roman Catholic, etc. Zeal +inflaming my courage, three and even four times have I ventured into a +church, each time enduring the whole service; and if I have not ventured +oftener, certainly I had more than sufficient cause to abstain. For as +I suffered in my few visits to churches in your England, so I suffered +here; and such sufferings are too dreadful to be frequently encountered, +even by the bravest of the brave. Whether my sensations in church are +similar to those of others, or are peculiar to myself, I cannot be sure; +but I am quite sure that they are excruciating. On first entering I +may feel calm, wakeful, sane, and not uncomfortable, except that here I +rather regret being shut in from the pure air and splendid sky, and in +England rather regret having come out through the raw, damp murk, and in +both regret that civilisation has not yet established smoking-pews; but +the Church is always behind the age. It is pleasant for awhile to note +the well-dressed people seated or entering; the men with unctuous hair +and somewhat wooden decorum; the women floating more at ease, suavely +conscious of their fine inward and outward adornments. It is pleasant +to keep a hopeful look-out for some one of more than common beauty or +grace, and to watch such a one if discovered. As the service begins, and +the old, old words and phrases come floating around me, I am lulled into +quaint dream-memories of childhood; the long unthought-of school-mates, +the surreptitious sweetstuff, the manifold tricks and smothered +laughter, by whose aid (together with total inattention to the service, +except to mark and learn the text) one managed to survive the ordeal. +The singing also is pleasant, and lulls me into vaguer dreams. +Gradually, as the service proceeds, I become more drowsy; my small +faculties are drugged into quiet slumber, they feel themselves off +duty, there is nothing for which they need keep awake. But, with the +commencement of the sermon, new and alarming symptoms arise within me, +growing ever worse and worse until the close. Pleasure departs with +tranquility, the irritation of revolt and passive helplessness is acute. +I cannot find relief in toffy, or in fun with my neighbors, as when +I was a happy child. The old stereotyped phrases, the immemorial +platitudes, the often-killed sophistries that never die, come buzzing +and droning about me like a sluggish swarm of wasps, whose slow +deliberate stinging is more hard to bear than the quick keen stinging +of anger. Then the wasps, penetrating through my ears, swarm inside +me; there is a horrid buzzing in my brain, a portentous humming in my +breast; my small faculties are speedily routed, and disperse in blind +anguish, the implacable wasps droning out and away after them, and I am +left void, void; with hollow skull, empty heart, and a mortal sinking +of stomach; my whole being is but a thin shell charged with vacuity and +desperate craving; I expect every instant to collapse or explode. It +is but too certain that if anyone should then come to lead me off to +an asylum for idiots, or a Young Men’s Christian Association, or any +similar institution, I could not utter a single rational word to save +myself. And though all my faculties have left me, I cannot attempt to +leave the church; decorum, rigid and frigid, freezes me to my seat; +I stare stonily in unimaginable torture, feebly wondering whether the +sermon will outlast my sanity, or my sanity outlast the sermon. When +at length released, I am so utterly demoralised that I can but smoke +furiously, pour much beer and cram much dinner into my hollowness, and +so with swinish dozing hope to feel better by tea-time. Now, though in +order to fulfil the great duties you entrust to me, I have cheerfully +dared the Atlantic, and spent long days and perilous nights in railroad +cars, and would of course (were it indeed necessary) face unappalled +mere physical death and destruction, I really could not go on risking, +with the certainty of ere long losing, my whole small stock of brains; +especially as the loss of these would probably rather hinder than +further the performance of the said duties. For suppose me reduced to +permanent idiocy by church-going, become a mere brazen hollowness with a +riotous tongue like Cowper’s church-going bell; is it not most likely +that I would then turn true believer, renouncing and denouncing your +noble commission, even as you would renounce and denounce your imbecile +commissioner?</p> +<p class="pnext">Finding that I could not pursue my inquiries in the churches and +chapels, I was much grieved and perplexed, until one of those thoughts +occurred to me which are always welcome and persuasive, because in exact +agreement with our own desires or necessities. I thought of what I had +remarked when visiting your England: how the churches and chapels and +lecture-halls, each sect thundering more or less terribly against all +the others, made one guess that the people were more disputatious than +pious; how one became convinced, in spite of his infidel reluctance, +that the people were indeed, as a rule, thoroughly and genuinely +religious, by mingling freely with them in their common daily and +nightly life. I asked myself, What really proved to me the pervading +Christianity of England? the sermons, the tracts, the clerical +lectures, the missionary meetings? the cathedrals and other theatres and +music-halls crowded with worshippers on Sunday, while the museums and +other public-houses were empty and shut? No, scarcely these things; but +the grand princeliness of the princes, the true nobleness of the nobles, +the lowliness of the bishops, the sanctity of the clergy, the honesty of +the merchants, the veracity of the shopkeepers, the sobriety and thrift +of the artisans, the independence and intelligence of the rustics; the +general faith and hope and love which brightened the sunless days, the +general temperance and chastity which made beautiful the sombre nights; +the almost universal abhorrence of the world, the flesh, and the Devil; +the almost universal devotion to heaven, the spirit, and God.</p> +<p class="pnext">I thereupon determined to study the religion out here, even as I had +studied it in England, in the ordinary public and private life of the +people; and you will doubtless be sorely afflicted to learn that I have +found everywhere much the same signs of genuine, practical Christianity +as are so common and patent in the old country. The ranchmen have sown +the good seed, and shall reap the harvest of heavenly felicity; the +stockmen will surely be corraled with the sheep, and not among +the goats, at the last day; not to gain the whole world would the +storekeepers lose their own souls; the pioneers have found the narrow +way which leadeth unto life; the fishermen are true disciples, the +trappers catch Satan in his own snares, the hunters are mighty before +the Lord; bright are the celestial prospects of the prospectors, ana +the miners are all stoping-out that hidden treasure which is richer than +silver and much fine gold. As compared with the English, these Western +men are perchance inferior in two important points of Christian +sentiment: they probably do not fear God, being little given to fear +anyone; they certainly do not honor the king, perhaps because they +unfortunately have none to honor. On the other hand, as I have been +assured by many persons from the States and the old country, they +are even superior to the English in one important point of Christian +conduct. Christ has promised that in discharging the damned to hell at +the day of judgment, he will fling at them this among other reproaches, +“I was a stranger, and ye took me not in,” and this particular rebuke +seems to have wrought a peculiarly deep impression in these men, perhaps +because they have much more to do with strangers than have people in +old settled countries, so much, indeed, that the word “stranger” +is continually in their mouths. The result is (as the said persons from +England and the States have often solemnly assured me) that any and +every stranger arriving in these regions is most thoroughly, most +beautifully, most religiously taken in. So that should any of these fine +fellows by evil hap be among the accursed multitude whom Christ thus +addresses, they will undoubtedly retort in their frank fashion of +speech: “Wall, boss, it may be right to give us hell on other counts, +but you say you was a stranger and we didn’t take you in. What we want +to know is, Did you ever come to our parts to trade in mines or stock +or sich? If you <em class="italics">didn’t</em>, how the Devil <em class="italics">could</em> we take you in? if you +<em class="italics">did</em>, it’s a darned lie, and an insult to our understanding to say we +<em class="italics">didn’t</em>.”</p> +<p class="pnext">But though the practical life out here is so veritably Christian, you +still hope that at any rate the creeds and doctrines are considerably +heterodox. I am sincerely sorry to be obliged to destroy this hope. In +the ordinary talk of the men continually recur the same or almost the +same expressions and implications of orthodox belief, as are so common +in your England, and throughout Christendom. Why such formulas are +generally used by men only, I have often been puzzled to explain: it may +be that the women, who in all lands attend divine service much more than +do the men, find ample expression of their faith in the set times +and places of public worship and private prayer; while the men, less +methodical, and demanding liberal scope, give it robust utterance +whenever and wherever they choose. These formulas, as you must have +often remarked, are most weighty and energetic; they avouch and avow the +supreme personages and mysteries and dogmas of their religion; they are +usually but brief ejaculations, in strong contrast to those long prayers +of the Pharisees which Jesus laughed to scorn; and they are often so +superfluous as regards the mere worldly meaning of the sentences in +which they appear, that it is evident they have been interjected simply +to satisfy the pious ardor of the speaker, burning to proclaim in season +and out of season the cardinal principles of his faith. I say +speaker, and not writer, because writing, being comparatively cold and +deliberate, seldom flames out in these sharp swift flashes, that leap +from living lips touched with coals of fire from the altar.(1)</p> +<blockquote> +<div> +<p class="pfirst">1. Is it not time that we wrote such words as this damn at +full length, as did Emily Brontë, the Titaness, whom +Charlotte justly indicates in this as in other respects; +instead of putting only initial and final letters, with a +hypocritical fig-leaf dash in the middle, drawing particular +attention to what it affects to conceal? These words are in +all men’s mouths, and many of them are emphatically the +leading words of the Bible.</p> +</div> +</blockquote> +<p class="pfirst">I am aware that these fervid ejaculations are apt to be regarded by +the light-minded as trivial, by the cold-hearted as indecorous, by the +sanctimonious as even profane; but to the true philosopher, whether he +be religious or not, they are pregnant with grave significance. For do +not these irrepressible utterances burst forth from the very depths of +the profound heart of the people? Are they not just as spontaneous and +universal as is the belief in God itself? Are they not among the most +genuine and impassioned words of mankind? Have they not a primordial +vigor and vitality? Are they not supremely of that voice of the people +which has been well called the voice of God? Thus when your +Englishman instead of “Strange!” says “The Devil!” instead +of “Wonderful!” cries “Good Heavens!” instead of “How +startling!” exclaims “O Christ!” he does more than merely express +his emotions, his surprise, his wonder, his amaze; he hallows it to the +assertion of his belief in Satan, in the good kingdom of God, in Jesus; +and, moreover, by the emotional gradation ranks with perfect accuracy +the Devil lowest in the scale, the heavens higher, Christ the loftiest. +When another shouts “God damn you!”(1) he not only condemns the evil +of the person addressed; he also takes occasion to avow his own strong +faith in God and God’s judgment of sinners. Similarly “God bless +you!” implies that there is a God, and that from him all blessings +flow. How vividly does the vulgar hyperbole “Infernally hot,” prove +the general belief in hell-fire! And the phrase “God knows!” not +merely declares that the subject is beyond human knowledge, but also +that an all-wise God exists. Here in the West, as before stated, such +brief expressions of faith, which are so much more sincere than long +formularies repeated by rote in church, are quite as common as in your +England. When one has sharply rebuked or punished another, he says “I +gave him hell.” And that this belief in future punishment pervades all +classes is proved by the fact that even a profane editor speaks of it +as a matter of course. For the thermometer having been stolen from his +sanctum, the said worthy editor announced that the mean cuss who took +it might as well bring or send it back (no questions asked) for it +could not be of any use to him in the place he was going to, as it +only registered up to 212 degrees. The old notion that hell or Hades is +located in the middle of the earth (which may have a scientific solution +in the Plutonic theory that we dwell on the crust of a baked dumpling +full of fusion and confusion) is obviously tallied by the miner’s +assertion that his vein was true-fissure, reaching from the grass-roots +down to hell. The frequent phrase “A God-damned liar,” “A +God-damned thief,” recognise God as the punisher of the wicked. I +have heard a man complain of an ungodly headache, implying first, the +existence of God, and secondly, the fact that the Godhead does not ache, +or in other words is perfect. Countless other phrases of this kind +might be alleged, a few of them astonishingly vigorous and racy, for +new countries breed lusty new forms of speech; but the few already given +suffice for my present purpose. One remarkable comparison, however, I +cannot pass over without a word: it is common to say of a man who has +too much self-esteem, He thinks himself a little tin Jesus on wheels. +It is clear that some profound suggestion, some sacrosanct mystery, must +underlie this bold locution; but what I have been hitherto unable to +find out. The connexion between Jesus and tin may seem obvious to such +as know anything of bishops and pluralists, pious bankers and traders. +But what about the wheels? Have they any relation to the opening chapter +of Ezekiel? It is much to be wished that Max Müller, and all other +such great scholars, who (as I am informed, for it’s not I that +would presume to study them myself) manage to extract whatever noble +mythological meanings they want, from unintelligible Oriental metaphors +and broken phrases many thousand years old, would give a few years of +their superfluous time to the interpretation of this holy riddle. +Do not, gentleman, do not by all that is mysterious, leave it to the +scholars of millenniums to come; proceed to probe and analyse and turn +it inside out at once, while it is still young and flourishing, while +the genius who invented it is still probably alive, if he deceased not +in his boots, as decease so many gallant pioneers.</p> +<p class="pnext">And here, before afflicting you further, O much-enduring editor, let me +soothe you a little by stating that some particles of heresy, some few +heretics, are to be found even here. I have learned that into a very +good and respectable bookstore in a city of these regions, certain +copies of Taylor’s “Diegesis” have penetrated, who can say how? +and that some of these have been sold. A living judge has been heard to +declare that he couldn’t believe at all in the Holy Ghost outfit. It +has also been told me of a man who must have held strange opinions as +to the offspring of God the Father, though certainly this man was not a +representative pioneer, being but a German miner, fresh from the States. +This Dutchman (all Germans here are Dutch, doubtless from <em class="italics">Deutsche</em>, +the special claims of the Hollanders being ignored) was asked solemnly +by a clergyman, “Who died to save sinners?” and answered “Gott.” +“What,” said the pained and pious pastor, “don’t you know +that it was Jesus the <em class="italics">Son</em> of God?” “Ah,” returned placidly the +Dutchman, “it vass one of te boys, vass it? I always dought it vass +te olt man himselben.” This good German may have been misled by the +mention of the sons of God early in Genesis, yet it is strange that he +knew not that Jesus is the only son of God, and our savior. A story is +moreover told of two persons, of whom the one boasted rather too often +that he was a self-made man, and the other at length quietly remarked +that he was quite glad to hear it, as it cleared God from the +responsibility of a darned mean bit of work. Whence some have inferred +the heresy that God is the creator of only a part of the universe; but +I frankly confess that in my own opinion the reply was merely a playful +sarcasm.</p> +<p class="pnext">The most decided heresy which has come under my own observation was +developed in the course of a chat between two miners in a lager-beer +saloon and billiard-hall; into the which, it need scarcely be remarked, +I was myself solely driven by the fierce determination to carry out my +inquiries thoroughly. Bill was smoking, Dick was chewing; and they stood +up together, at rather rapidly decreasing intervals, for drinks of such +“fine old Bourbon” rye whiskey as bears the honorable popular title +of rot-gut. The frequency with which the drinking of alcoholic liquors +leads to impassioned and elevated discussion of great problems in +politics, history, dog-breeding, horse-racing, moral philosophy, +religion, and kindred important subjects, seems to furnish a strong and +hitherto neglected argument against tee-totalism. There are countless +men who can only be stimulated to a lively and outspoken interest in +intellectual questions by a series of convivial glasses and meditative +whiffs. If such men really take any interest in such questions at other +times, it remains deplorably latent, not exercising its legitimate +influence on the public opinion of the world. Our two boys were +discussing theology; and having had many drinks, grappled with the +doctrine of the triune God. “Wall,” said Bill, “I can’t make +out that trinity consam, that three’s one and one’s three outfit.” +Whereto Dick: “Is that so? Then you wam’t rigged out for a +philosopher, Bill. Look here,” pulling forth his revolver, an action +which caused a slight stir in the saloon, till the other boys saw that +he didn’t mean business; “look here, I’ll soon fix it up for you. +Here’s six chambers, but it’s only one pistol, with one heft and one +barrel; the heft for us to catch hold of, the barrel to kill our enemy. +Wall, God a’mighty’s jest made hisself a three-shooter, while he +remains one God; but the Devil, he’s only a single-shot deringer: so +God can have three fires at the Devil for one the Devil can have at +him. Now can’t you figure it out?” “Wall,” said Bill, evidently +staggered by the revolver, and feeling, if possible, increased respect +for that instrument on finding it could be brought to bear toward +settlement of even such a difficulty as the present; “Wall, that pans +out better than I thought it could: but to come down to the bedrock, +either God’s a poor mean shot or his piece carries darned light; for +I reckon the Devil makes better play with his one chamber than God with +his three.” “Maybe,” replied Dick, with calm candor, strangely +indifferent to the appalling prospects this theory held out for our +universe; “some of them pesky little things jest shoot peas that rile +the other fellow without much hurting him, and then, by thunder, he lets +daylight through you with one good ball. Besides, it’s likely enough +the Devil’s the best shot, for he’s been consarned in a devilish +heap of shooting more than God has; at any rate”—perchance vaguely +remembering to have heard of such things as “religious wars”—“of +late years, between here and ’Frisco. Wall, I guess I don’t run the +creation. Let’s liquor;” manifestly deriving much comfort from +the consciousness that he had no hand in conducting this world. Bill +acquiesced with a brief “Ja,” and they stood up for another drink. +I am bound to attest that, in spite or because of the drinks, they +had argued throughout with the utmost deliberation and gravity, with +a dignified demeanour which Bishops and D.Ds. might envy, and ought to +emulate.</p> +<p class="pnext">Having thus comforted you with what little of heresy and infidelity I +have been able to gather, it is now my painful duty to advance another +class of proofs of the general religiousness here; a class of which you +have very few current specimens in England, unless it be among the +Roman Catholics. All comparative mythologists—indeed, all students +of history—are said to agree that the popular legends and myths of any +race at any time are of the utmost value, as showing what the race then +believed, and thus determining its moral and intellectual condition at +that period; this value being quite irrespective of the truth or untruth +to fact of the said legends. Hence in modern times collections of old +traditions and fairy tales have been excellently well received, whether +from the infantile literature of ancient peoples, as the Oriental and +Norse, or from the senile and anile lips of secluded members of tribes +whose nationality is fast dying out, as the Gaelic and Welsh. And truly +such collections commend themselves alike to the grave and the frivolous +for the scientific scholar finds in them rich materials for serious +study, and the mere novel-reader can flatter himself that he is studying +while simply enjoying strange stories become new by extreme old age. All +primitive peoples, who read and write little, have their most popular +beliefs fluidly embodied in oral legends and myths; and in this respect +the settlers of a new region, though they may come from the oldest +countries, resemble the primitive peoples. They are too busy with the +tough work of subduing the earth to give much time to writing or reading +anything beyond their local newspapers; they love to chat together when +not working, and chat, much more than writing, runs into stories. Thus +religious legends in great numbers circulate out here, all charged and +surcharged with faith in the mythology of the Bible. Of these it has +been my sad privilege to listen to not a few. As this letter is already +too long for your paper, though very brief for the importance of its +theme, I will subjoin but a couple of them, which I doubt not will be +quite enough to indicate what measureless superstition prevails in these +youngest territories of the free and enlightened Republic.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is told—on what authority no one asks, the legend being universally +accepted on its intrinsic merits, as Protestants would have us accept +the Bible, and Papists their copious hagiology—that St. Joseph, the +putative father of our Lord, fell into bad habits, slipping almost daily +out of Heaven into evil society, coming home very late at night and +always more or less intoxicated. It is suggested that he may have been +driven into these courses by unhappiness in his connubial and parental +relations, his wife and her child being ranked so much above himself +by the Christian world, and the latter being quite openly attributed to +another father. Peter, though very irascible, put up with his misconduct +for a long time, not liking to be harsh to one of the Royal Family; and +it is believed that God the Father sympathised with this poor old +Joseph, and protected him, being himself jealous of the vastly superior +popularity of Mary and Jesus. But at length, after catching a violent +cold through getting out of bed at a preposterous hour to let the +staggering Joseph in, Peter told him roundly that if he didn’t come +home sober and in good time, he must just stay out all night. Joseph, +feeling sick and having lost his pile, promised amendment, and for a +time kept his word. Then he relapsed; the heavenly life proved too +slow for him, the continual howling of “all the menagerie of the +Apocalypse” shattered his nerves, he was disgusted at his own +insignificance, the memory of the <em class="italics">liaison</em> between his betrothed +and the Holy Ghost filled him with gall and wormwood, and perhaps he +suspected that it was still kept up. So, late one night or early +one morning Peter was roused from sleep by an irregular knocking +and fumbling at the gate, as if some stupid dumb animal were +seeking admittance. “Who’s there?” growled Peter. “It’s +me—Joseph,” hiccoughed the unfortunate. “You’re drunk,” said +Peter, savagely.</p> +<p class="pnext">“You’re on the tear again; you’re having another bender.” +“Yes,” answered Joseph, meekly. “Wall,” said Peter, “you jest +go back to where you come from, and spend the night there; get.” “I +can’t,” said Joseph. “They’re all shut up; they’ve turned me +out.” “Then sleep outside in the open air; it’s wholesome, +and will bring you round,” said Peter. After much vain coaxing and +supplicating, old Joe got quite mad, and roared out, “If you don’t +get up and let me in at once, by God I’ll take my son out of the +outfit and bust up the whole consarn!” Peter, terrified by this +threat, which, if carried out, would ruin his prospects in eternal life +by abolishing his office of celestial porter, caved in, getting up and +admitting Joseph, who ever since has had a latch-key that he may go and +come when he pleases. It is to be hoped that he will never when tight +let this latch-key be stolen by one of the little devils who are always +lurking about the haunts of dissipation he frequents; for in that case +the consequences might be awful, as can be readily imagined.</p> +<p class="pnext">Again it is told that a certain miner, a tough cuss, who could whip +his weight in wild cats and give points to a grizzle, seemed uncommonly +moody and low-spirited one morning, and on being questioned by his chum, +at length confessed that he was bothered by a very queer dream. “I +dreamt that I was dead,” he explained; “and a smart spry pretty +little angel took me up to heaven.” “Dreams go by contraries,” +suggested the chum, by way of comfort. “Let that slide,” answered +the dreamer; “the point isn’t there. Wall, St. Peter wasn’t at the +gate, and the angel critter led me on to pay my respects to the boss, +and after travelling considerable we found him as thus. God the Father, +God the Son, God the Holy Ghost and Peter, all as large as life, were +playing a high-toned game of poker, and there was four heavy piles on +the table—gold, not shinplasters, you bet. I was kinder glad to +see that they played poker up in heaven, so as to make life there not +on-bearable; for it would be but poor fun singing psalms all day; I was +never much of a hand at singing, more particularly when the songs is +psalms. Wall, we waited, not liking to disturb their game, and I watched +the play. I soon found that Jesus Christ was going through the rest, +cheating worse than the heathen Chinee at euchre; but of course I +didn’t say nothing, not being in the game. After a while Peter showed +that he began to guess it too, if he wasn’t quite sure; or p’r’aps +he was skeared at up and telling Christ to his face. At last, however, +what does Christ do, after a bully bluff which ran Pete almost to +his bottom dollar, but up and show five aces to Pete’s call; and +‘What’s that for high?’ says he, quite cool. ‘Now look you, +Christ,’ shouts Pete, jumping up as mad as thunder, and not caring +a cent or a continental what he said to anybody; ‘look you, Christ, +that’s too thin; we don’t want any of your darned miracles here!’ +and with that he grabbed up his pile and all his stakes, and went off in +a mighty huff. Christ looked pretty mean, I tell you, and the game was +up. Now you see,” said the dreamer, sadly and thoughtfully, “it’s +a hard rock to drill and darned poor pay at that, if when you have a +quiet hand at poker up there, the bosses are allowed to cheat and a +man can’t use his deringer or put a head on ’em; I don’t know but +I’d rather go to the other place on those terms.” Not yet to be read +in books, as I have intimated, but circulating orally, and in versions +that vary with the various rhapsodists, such are the legends you may +hear when a ring is formed round the hotel-office stove at night, in +shanties and shebangs of ranchmen and miners, in the shingled offices +of judge and doctor, in railroad cars and steamboats, or when bumming +around the stores; whenever and wherever, in short, men are gathered +with nothing particular to do. The very <em class="italics">naïveté</em> of such stories +surely testifies to the child-like sincerity of the faith they express +and nourish. It is the simple unbounded faith of the Middle Ages, such +as we find in the old European legends and poems and mysteries, such as +your poetess Mrs. Browning well marks in Chaucer.</p> +<p class="pnext">Many of the so-called liberal clergy complain of the gulf which yawns in +this age of materialistic science between religion and every-day life, +in this world and the things are treated as mere thin abstractions, +they say; and only the lower things are recognised as real. These pious +pioneers, in the freshness and wonderfulness of their new life, overleap +this gulf without an effort, realising heaven as thoroughly as earth. +How could the communion and the human nature of saints be better +exhibited than in St. Joseph falling into dissipation and St. Peter +playing poker? How could the manhood as well as the Godhead of Jesus +Christ be more familiarly brought home to us than by his taking a hand +at this game and then miraculously cheating When generations have passed +away, if not earlier, such next, heaven</p> +<blockquote> +<div> +<p class="pfirst">“the infantine Familiar clasp of things divine.”</p> +</div> +</blockquote> +<p class="pfirst">The higher legends as these will assuredly be gathered by earnest and +reverent students as quite invaluable historical relics. They must fill +the Christian soul with delight; they must harrow the heart of him who +hath said in his heart, There is no God.</p> +<p class="pnext">In conclusion, I must again express my deep regret at being forced by +the spirit of truth to give you so favorable an account of the state +of religion out here, both in creed and practice. I trust that you +will lose no time and spare no exertion in attacking and, if possible, +routing out the Christianity now entrenched in these great natural +fortresses. Be your war-cry that of the first pioneers, “Pike’s Peak +or bust”; and be not like unto him found teamless half-way across +the plains, with the confession on his waggon-tilt, “Busted, by +thunder.” For you can come right out here by railroad now. As for +myself, I climbed wearily and with mortal pantings unto the top of this +great mountain, thinking it one of the best coigns of vantage whence to +command a comprehensive view of the sphere of my inquiries, and also a +spot where one might write without being interrupted or overlooked by +loafers. Unfortunately I have not been able to discover any special +religious or irreligious phænomena; for, though the prospect is indeed +ample where not intercepted by clouds or mist, very few of the people +and still fewer of their characteristics can be made out distinctly even +with a good glass. How I am to get down and post this letter puzzles me. +The descent will be difficult, dangerous, perhaps deadly. Would that I +had not come up. After all there is some truth in the Gospel narrative +of the Temptation: for by studying the general course of ecclesiastical +promotion and the characters of the most eminent churchmen, I was +long since led to recognise that it is indeed Satan who sets people on +pinnacles of the temple; and I am now moreover thoroughly convinced that +it is the Devil and the Devil only that takes any one to the top of an +exceeding high mountain.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-story-of-a-famous-old-jewish-firm"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id5">THE STORY OF A FAMOUS OLD JEWISH FIRM</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1866.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">M</span><span class="dropspan">any</span> thousand years ago, when the Jews first started in business, the +chief of their merchants was a venerable and irascible old gentleman +named Jah. The Jews have always been excellent traders, keen to scent +wealth, subtle to track it, unweary to pursue it, strong to seize it, +tenacious to hold it; and the most keen, subtle, untiring, strong, +tenacious of them all, was this Jah. The patriarchs of his people paid +him full measure of the homage which Jews have always eagerly paid to +wealth and power, and all their most important transactions were carried +out through him. In those antique times people lived to a very great +age, and Jah is supposed to have lived so many thousands of years that +one may as well not try to count them. Perhaps it was not one Jah that +existed all this while, but the house of Jah: the family, both for pride +and profit, preserving through successive generations the name of its +founder. Certain books have been treasured by the Jews as containing +exact records of the dealings of this lordly merchant (or house) both +with the Jews themselves and with strangers. Many people in our times, +however, have ventured to doubt the accuracy of these records, arguing +that some of the transactions therein recorded it would have been +impossible to transact, that others must have totally ruined the richest +of merchants, that the accounts often contradict each other, and that +the system of book-keeping generally is quite unworthy of a dealer so +truthful and clear-headed as Jah is affirmed to have been. The records +are so ancient in themselves, and they treat of matters so much more +ancient still, that it is not easy to find other records of any sort +with which to check their accounts. Strangely enough the most recent +researches have impugned the accuracy of the most ancient of these +records; certain leaves of a volume called the “Great Stone Book,” +having been brought forward to contradict the very first folio of the +ledger in which the dealings of Jah have been posted up according to the +Jews. It may be that the first few folios, like the early pages of most +annals, are somewhat mythical; and the present humble compiler (who is +not deep in the affairs of the primaeval world, and who, like the late +lamented Captain Cuttle with his large volume, is utterly knocked up +at any time by four or five lines of the “Great Stone Book”) will +prudently not begin at the beginning, but skip it with great comfort and +pleasure, especially as many and learned men are now earnest students of +this beginning. We will, therefore, if you please, take for granted +the facts that at some time, in some manner, Jah created his wonderful +business, and that early in his career he met with a great misfortune, +being compelled, by the villainy of all those with whom he had dealings +to resort to a wholesale liquidation, which left him so poor, that for +some time he had not a house in the world, and his establishment was +reduced to four male and as many female servants.</p> +<p class="pnext">He must have pretty well recovered from this severe shock when he +entered into the famous covenant or contract with Abraham and his heirs, +by which he bound himself to deliver over to them at a certain, then +distant, period, the whole of the valuable landed property called +Canaan, on condition that they should appoint him the sole agent for the +management of their affairs. In pursuance of this contract, he conducted +that little business of the flocks and herds for Jacob against one +Laban; and afterwards, when the children of Abraham were grown very +numerous, he managed for them that other little affair, by which they +spoiled the Egyptians of jewels of silver and jewels of gold; and it is +even asserted that he fed and clothed the family for no less than forty +years in a country where the commissariat was a service of extreme +difficulty.</p> +<p class="pnext">At length the time came when he was to make over to them the Land +of Canaan, for this purpose evicting the several families then in +possession thereof. The whole of the covenanted estate he never did make +over to them, but the Jews freely admit that this was through their own +fault. They held this land as mortgaged to him, he pledging himself not +to foreclose while they dealt with him faithfully and fulfilled all the +conditions of the covenant. They were to pay him ten per cent, per annum +interest, with sundry other charges, to put all their affairs into his +hands, to have no dealings whatsoever with any rival merchants, etc., +etc. Under this covenant the Jews continued in possession of the fine +little property of Canaan for several hundred years, and they assert +that this same Jah lived and conducted his business throughout the whole +period. But, as I have ventured to suggest, the long existence of the +house of Jah may have been the sum total of the lives of a series of +individual Jahs. The Jews could not have distinguished the one from the +other; for it is a strange fact that Jah himself, they admit, was never +seen. Perhaps he did not affect close contact with Jews. Perhaps he +calculated that his power over them would be increased by mystery; this +is certain, that he kept himself wholly apart from them in his private +office, so that no one was admitted even on business. It is indeed +related that one Moses (the witness to the execution of the covenant) +caught a glimpse of him from behind, but this glimpse could scarcely +have sufficed for identification; and it is said, also, that at certain +periods the chief of the priesthood was admitted to consultation +with him; but although his voice was then heard, he did not appear in +person—only the shadow of him was seen, and everyone will allow that +a shadow is not the best means of identification. And in further support +of my humble suggestion it may be noted that in many and important +respects the later proceedings attributed to Jah differ extremely in +character from the earlier; and this difference cannot be explained as +the common difference between the youth and maturity and senility of +one and the same man, for we are expressly assured that Jah was +without change—by which we are not to understand that either through +thoughtlessness or parsimony he never had small cash in his pocket +for the minor occasions of life; but that he was stubborn in his will, +unalterable in his ideas, persistent in his projects and plans.</p> +<p class="pnext">The records of his dealings at home with the Jews, and abroad with +the Egyptians, the Assyrians, the Philistines, the Babylonians, +the Persians, the Edomites, and other nations, as kept by the Jews +themselves, are among the strangest accounts of a large general business +which have ever been put down in black on white. And in nothing are they +more strange than in the unsullied candor with which the Jews always +admit and proclaim that it was their fault, and by no means the fault +of Jah, whenever the joint business went badly, and narrate against +themselves the most astonishing series of frauds and falsehoods, showing +how they broke the covenant, and attempted to cheat the other party in +every imaginable way, and, in order to ruin his credit, conspired +with foreign adventurers of the worst character—such as MM. Baal, +Ashtaroth, and Moloch. Jah, who gave many proofs of a violent and +jealous temper, and who was wont to sell up other debtors in the most +heartless way, appears to have been very patient and lenient with these +flagitious Jews. Yet with all his kindness and long-suffering he was +again and again forced to put executions into their houses, and throw +themselves into prison; and at length, before our year One, having, as +it would seem, given up all hope of making them deal honestly with +him, he had put certain strict Romans in possession of the property to +enforce his mortgage and other rights.</p> +<p class="pnext">And now comes a sudden and wonderful change in the history of this +mysterious Jah. Whether it was the original Jah, who felt himself +too old to conduct the immense business alone, or whether it was some +successor of his, who had not the same self-reliance and imperious +will, one cannot venture to decide; but we all know that it was publicly +announced, and soon came to be extensively believed, that Jah had taken +unto himself two partners, and that the business was thenceforth to +be carried on by a firm, under the style of Father, Son, and Co. It is +commonly thought that history has more of certainty as it becomes more +recent; but unfortunately in the life of Jah, uncertainty grows +ten times more uncertain when we attain the period of this alleged +partnership, for the Jews deny it altogether; and of those who believe +in it not one is able to define its character, or even to state its +possibility in intelligible language. The Jews assert roundly that the +alleged partners are a couple of vile impostors, that Jah still conducts +his world-wide business alone, that he has good reasons (known only +to himself) for delaying the exposure of these pretenders; and that, +however sternly he has been dealing with the Jews for a long time past, +and however little they may seem to have improved so as to deserve +better treatment, he will yet be reconciled to them, and restore them to +possession of their old land, and exalt them above all their rivals and +enemies, and of his own free will and absolute pleasure burn and destroy +every bond of their indebtedness now in his hands. And in support of +these modest expectations they can produce a bundle of documents which +they assert to be his promissory notes, undoubtedly for very large +amounts; but which, being carefully examined, turn out to be all framed +on this model: “I, the above-mentioned A. B.” (an obscure or utterly +unknown Jew, supposed to have lived about three thousand years ago), +“hereby promise in the name of Jah, that the said Jah shall in some +future year unknown, pay unto the house of Israel the following amount, +that is to say, etc.” If we ask, Where is the power of attorney +authorising this dubious A. B. to promise this amount in the name of +Jah? the Jews retort: “If you believe in the partnership, you must +believe in such power, for you have accepted all the obligations of the +old house, and have never refused to discount its paper: if you believe +neither in Jah nor in the partnership, you are a wretch utterly without +faith, a commercial outlaw.” In addition, however, to these remarkable +promissory notes, the Jews rely upon the fact that Jah, in the midst +of his terrible anger, has still preserved some kindness for them. +He threatened many pains and penalties upon them for breach of the +covenant, and many of these threats he has carried out; but the most +cruel and horrific of all he has not had the heart to fulfil: they +have been oppressed and crushed, strangers have come into their landed +property, they have been scattered among all peoples, a proverb and a +by-word of scorn among the nations, their religion has been accursed, +their holy places are defiled, but the crowning woe has been spared them +(Deut. xxviii., 44); never yet has it come to pass that the stranger +should lend to them, and they should not lend to the stranger. There is +yet balm in Gilead, a rose of beauty in Sharon, and a cedar of majesty +on Lebanon; the Jew still lends to the stranger, and does not borrow +from him, except as he “borrowed” from the Egygtian—and the +interest on money lent is still capable, with judicious treatment, of +surpassing the noble standard of “shent per shent.”</p> +<p class="pnext">And even among the Gentiles there are some who believe that Jah is still +the sole head of the house, and that the pair who are commonly accounted +junior partners are in fact only superior servants, the one a sort of +manager, the other general superintendent and agent, though Jah may +allow them a liberal commission on the profits, as well as a fixed +salary.</p> +<p class="pnext">—But the commercial world of Europe, in general, professes to believe +that there is a <em class="italics">bona fide</em> partnership, and that the three partners +have exactly equal authority and interest in the concern; that, in fact, +there is such thorough identity in every respect that the three may, and +ought to be, for all purposes of business, considered as one. The second +partner, they say, is really the son of Jah; though Jah, with that +eccentricity which has ever abundantly characterised his proceedings, +had this son brought up as a poor Jewish youth, apparently the child of +a carpenter called Joseph, and his wife Mary. Joseph has little or no +influence with the firm, and we scarcely hear of a transaction done +through him, but Mary has made the most profitable use of her old +<em class="italics">liaison</em> with Jah, and the majority of those who do business with the +firm seek her good offices, and pay her very liberal commissions. Those +who do not think so highly of her influence, deal with the house chiefly +through the son, and thus it has come to pass that poor Jah is virtually +ousted from his own business. He and the third partner are little more +than sleeping partners, while his mistress and her son manage every +affair of importance.</p> +<p class="pnext">This state of things seems somewhat unfair to Jah; yet one must own +that there are good reasons for it. Jah was a most haughty and humorous +gentleman, extremely difficult to deal with, liable to sudden fits of +rage, wherein he maltreated friends and foes alike, implacable when once +offended, a desperately sharp shaver in the bargain, a terrible fellow +for going to law. The son was a much more kindly personage, very affable +and pleasant in conversation, willing and eager to do a favor to any +one, liberal in promises even beyond his powers of performance, fond of +strangers, and good to the poor; and his mother, with or without reason, +is credited with a similar character. Moreover, Jah always kept himself +invisible, while the son and mother were possibly seen, during some +years, by a large number of persons; and among those who have never seen +them their portraits are almost as popular as photographs of the Prince +and Princess of Wales.</p> +<p class="pnext">With the real or pretended establishment of the Firm, a great change +took place in the business of Jah. This business had been chiefly with +the Jews, and even when it extended to foreign transactions, these +were all subordinate to the Jewish trade. But the Firm lost no time in +proclaiming that it would deal with the whole world on equal terms: +no wonder the Jews abhor the alleged partners! And the nature of the +contracts, the principal articles of trade, the mode of keeping the +accounts, the commission and interest charged and allowed, the salaries +of the agents and clerks, the advantages offered to clients, were all +changed too. The head establishment was removed from Jerusalem to Rome, +and branch establishments were gradually opened in nearly all the towns +and villages of Europe, besides many in Asia and Africa, and afterwards +in America and Australia. It is worth noting that in Asia and Africa +(although the firm arose in the former) the business has never been +carried on very successfully; Messrs. Brahma, Vishnu, Seeva, and Co., +the great houses of Buddha and Mumbo Jumbo, various Parsee firms, and +other opposition houses, having among them almost monopolised the trade.</p> +<p class="pnext">The novel, distinctive, and most useful article which the Firm engaged +to supply was a bread called <em class="italics">par excellence</em> the Bread of Life. The +Prospectus (which was first drafted, apparently in perfect good +faith, by the Son; but which has since been so altered and expanded +by successive agents that we cannot learn what the original, no longer +extant, exactly stated) sets forth that the House of Jah, Son and Co. +has sole possession of the districts yielding the corn whereof this +bread is made, the sole patents of the mills for grinding and ovens +for baking, and that it alone has the secret of the proper process +for kneading. The Firm admits that many other houses have pretended +to supply this invaluable bread, but accuses them all of imposture or +poisonous adulteration. For itself, it commands the genuine supply in +such quantities that it can under take to feed the whole world, and at +so cheap a rate that the poorest will be able to purchase as much as +he needs; and, moreover, as the firm differs essentially from all other +firms in having no object in view save the benefit of its customers, +the partners being already so rich that no profits could add to their +wealth, it will supply the bread for mere love to those who have not +money!</p> +<p class="pnext">This fair and beautiful prospectus, you will easily believe, brought +vast multitudes eager to deal with the firm, and especially large +multitudes of the poor, ravished with the announcement that love +should be henceforth current coin of the realm; and the business spread +amazingly. But at the very outset a sad mischance occurred. The Son, +by far the best of the partners, was suddenly seized and murdered and +buried by certain agents of the old Jewish business (furious at the +prospect of losing all their rich trade), with the connivance of the +Roman installed as inspector. At least, these wretches thought they had +murdered the poor man, and it is admitted on every side that they buried +him: but the dependants of the Firm have a strange story that he was +not really killed, but arose out of his tomb after lying there for three +days, and slipped away to keep company with his father, the invisible +Jah, in his exceedingly private office; and they assert that he is still +alive along with Jah, mollifying the old man when he gets into one of +his furious passions, pleading for insolvent debtors, and in all things +by act and counsel doing good for all the clients of the house. They, +moreover, assert that the third partner, who as the consoling substitute +for the absent Son is commonly called the Comforter, and who is very +energetic, though mysteriously invisible in his operations, superintends +all the details of the business in every one of the establishments. But +this third partner is so difficult to catch, that, as stated before, the +majority of the customers deal with the venerable mother, as the most +accessible and humane personage belonging to the house.</p> +<p class="pnext">Despite the death or disappearance of the Son, the firm prospered for +a considerable time. After severe competition, in which neither side +showed itself very scrupulous, the great firm of Jupiter and Co., the +old Greek house, which had been strengthened by the amalgamation of the +wealthiest Roman firms, was utterly beaten from the field, sold up and +extinguished. In the sale of the effects many of the properties in +most demand were bought in by the new firm, which also took many of the +clerks and agents into its employment, and it is even said adopted in +several important respects the mode of carrying on business and the +system of book-keeping. But while the firm was thus conquering its most +formidable competitor, innumerable dissensions were arising between its +own branch establishments; every one accusing every other of dealing on +principles quite hostile to the regulations instituted by the head of +the house, of falsifying the accounts, and of selling an article which +was anything but the genuine unadulterated bread. There were also +interminable quarrels among them as to relative rank and importance.</p> +<p class="pnext">And whether the wheat, as delivered to the various establishments, was +or was not the genuine article which the firm had contracted to +supply, it was soon discovered that it issued from the licensed shops +adulterated in the most audacious manner. And, although the prospectus +had stated most positively that the bread should be delivered to the +poor customers of the firm without money and without price (and such +seems really to have been the good Son’s intention), it was found, in +fact, that the loaves, when they reached the consumer, were at least as +costly as ever loaves of any kind of bread had been. It mattered +little that the wheat was not reckoned in the price, when agents’, +commissioners’, messengers’ fees, bakers’ charges, and a hundred +items, made the price total so enormous. When, at length, the business +was flourishing all over Europe, it was the most bewildering confusion +of contradictions that, perhaps, was ever known in the commercial world. +For in all the establishments the agents professed and very solemnly +swore that they dealt on principles opposed and infinitely superior +to the old principles of trade; yet their proceedings (save that they +christened old things with new names) were identical with those +which had brought to shameful ruin the most villainous old firms. The +sub-managers, who were specially ordered to remain poor while in the +business, and for obedience were promised the most splendid pensions +when superannuated, all became rich as princes by their exactions from +the clients of the house; the agents, who were especially commanded to +keep the peace, were ever stirring up quarrels and fighting ferociously, +not only with opposition agents but with one another. The accounts, +which were to be regulated by the most honest and simple rules, were +complicated in a lawless system, which no man could understand, and +falsified to incredible amounts, to the loss of the customers, without +being to the gain of the firm. In brief, each establishment was like +one of those Chinese shops where the most beautiful and noble maxims of +justice and generosity are painted in gilt letters outside, while the +most unblushing fraud and extortion are practised inside. When poor +customers complained of these things, they were told that the system +was perfect, that the evils were all from the evil men who conducted the +business! but the good people did not further explain how the perfection +of the system could ever be realised, since it must always be worked by +imperfect men. Complainants thus mildly and vaguely answered were very +fortunate; others, in places where the firm was very powerful, were +answered by imprisonment or false accusations, or by being pelted and +even murdered by mobs. Many who thought the bread badly baked were +themselves thrust into the fire.</p> +<p class="pnext">Yet so intense is the need of poor men for some bread of life, so +willing are simple men to believe fair promises, that, in spite of the +monstrous injustice and falsehood and cruelty and licentiousness of the +managers and submanagers and agents of the firm, the business continued +to flourish, and all the wealth of Europe flowed into its coffers. And +generations passed ere some persons bethought them to think seriously of +the original Deed of Partnership and the fundamental principles of the +Firm. These documents, which had been carefully confined in certain old +dead languages which few of the customers could read, were translated +into vulgar tongues, which all could read or understand when read, and +everyone began studying them for himself. This thinking of essentials, +which is so rare a thought among mankind, has already produced +remarkable effects, ana promises to produce effects yet more remarkable +in a short time.</p> +<p class="pnext">Behold a few of the questions which this study of the first documents +has raised.—The Father, whom no one has seen, is there indeed such a +personage? The Son, whom certainly no one has seen for eighteen hundred +years, did he really come to life again after being brutally murdered? +The junior partner, whom no one has ever seen, the Comforter, is he +a comforter made of the wool of a sheep that never was fleeced? The +business, as we see it, merely uses the names, and would be precisely +the same business if these names covered no personages. Do the managers +and submanagers really carry it on for their own profit, using these +high names to give dignity to their rascality, and to make poor people +believe that they have unbounded capital at their back? One is punished +for defamation of character if he denies the existence of the partners, +yet not the very chief of all the managers pretends to have seen any of +the three!</p> +<p class="pnext">And the vaunted Bread of Life, wherein does it differ from the old +corn-of-Ceres bread, from the baking of the wheat of Mother Hertha? +Chiefly in this, that it creates much more wind on the stomach. It is +not more wholesome, nor more nourishing, and certainly not more cheap: +and it does us little good to be told that it would be if the accredited +agents were honest and supplied it pure, when we are told, at the same +time, that we must get it through these agents. It is indeed affirmed +that, in an utterly unknown region beyond the Black Sea, the genuine +wheat may be seen growing by any one who discovers the place; but, as no +one who ever crossed the sea on a voyage of discovery ever returned, +the assertion rests on the bare word of people who have never seen the +corn-land any more than they have seen the partners of the firm; and +their word is bare indeed, for it has been stripped to shame in a +thousand affairs wherein it could be brought to the test. They tell us +also that we shall all in time cross the Black Sea, and if we have +been good customers shall dwell evermore in that delightful land, with +unlimited supplies of the bread gratis. This may be true, but how do +they know? It may be true that in the sea we shall all get drowned for +ever.</p> +<p class="pnext">These and similar doubts which, in many minds, have hardened into +positive disbelief, are beginning to affect seriously the trade of +the firm. But its interests are now so inextricably bound up with +the interests of thousands and millions of well-to-do and respectable +people, and on its solvency or apparent solvency depends that of so +large a number of esteemed merchants, that we may expect the most +desperate struggles to postpone its final bankruptcy. In the great +Roman establishment the manager has been supported for many years by +charitable contributions from every one whom he could persuade to give +or lend, and now he wants to borrow much more. The superintendent of the +shops in London is in these days begging for ten hundred thousand pounds +to assist the poor firm in its difficulties.</p> +<p class="pnext">It seems a good sum of money; but, bless you, it is but a drop in the +sea compared with what the business has already absorbed, and is still +absorbing. Scattered shops in the most distant countries have only been +sustained for many years by alms from customers here. The barbarians +won’t eat the bread, but the bakers sent out must have their salaries. +A million of pounds are being begged here; and people (who would +prosecute a mendicant of halfpence) will give it no doubt! Yet, O worthy +manager of the London Shops, one proved loaf of the real Bread would be +infinitely more valuable, and would infinitely more benefit your firm! +The villainy of the agents was monstrous, generation after generation, +the cost of that which was promised without money and without price was +ruinous for centuries; but not all the villainy and extortion multiplied +a hundredfold could drive away the poor hungry customers while they had +faith in the genuineness of the bread. It was the emptiness and the wind +on the stomach after much eating, which raised the fatal doubts as to +the <em class="italics">bona fides</em> of the whole concern. The great English managers had +better ponder this; for at present they grope in the dark delusion that +more and better bakers salaried with alms, and new shops opened with +eleemosynary funds will bring customers to buy their bran cakes as +wheaten loaves. A very dark delusion, indeed! If the pure promised bread +cannot be supplied, no amount of money will keep the business going very +long. Consider what millions on millions of pounds have been subscribed +already, what royal revenues are pouring in still; all meant for +investment in wholesome and nourishing food, but nearly all realised in +hunger and emptiness, heartburn and flatulence. The old Roman shrewdly +calculated that the House of Olympus would prove miserably insolvent +if its affairs were wound up, if it tried honestly to pay back all the +deposits of its customers. As for this more modern firm, one suspects +that, in like case, it would prove so insolvent that it could not pay +a farthing in the pound. For Olympus was a house that dealt largely in +common worldly goods, and of these things really did give a considerable +quantity to its clients for their money; but the new firm professed to +sell things infinitely more valuable, and of these it cannot prove the +delivery of a single parcel during the eighteen hundred years it has +been receiving purchase-money unlimited.</p> +<p class="pnext">The humble compiler of this rapid and imperfect summary ought, perhaps, +to give his own opinion of the firm and the partners, although he +suffers under the disadvantage of caring very little for the business, +and thinks that far too much time is wasted by both the friends and the +enemies of the house in investigation of every line and figure in its +books. He believes that Jah, the grand Jewish dealer, was a succession +of several distinct personages; and will probably continue to believe +thus until he learns that there was but one Pharaoh King of Egypt, but +one Bourbon King of France, and that the House of Rothschild has always +been one and the same man. He believes that the Son was by no means +the child of the Father, that he was a much better character than the +Father, that he was really and truly murdered, that his prospectus and +business plans were very much more wise and honest and good than the +prospectus as we have it now, and the system as it has actually been +worked. He believes that the Comforter has really had a share in this as +in every other business not wholly bad in the world, that he has never +identified his interests with those of any firm, that specially he +never committed himself to a partnership of unlimited liability with the +Hebrew Jah, that he undoubtedly had extensive dealings with the Son, and +placed implicit confidence in him while a living man, and that he will +continue to deal profitably and bountifully with men long after the firm +has become bankrupt and extinct. He believes that the corn of the true +bread of life is sown and grown, reaped, ground, kneaded, baked and +eaten on this side of the Black Sea. He believes that no firm or company +whatever, with limited or unlimited liability, has the monopoly for the +purveyance of this bread, that no charters can confer such monopoly, +that the bread is only to be got pure by each individual for himself, +and that no two individuals of judgment really like it prepared in +exactly the same fashion, but that unfortunately (as his experience +compels him to believe) the bulk of mankind will always in the future no +less than in the past persist in endeavoring to procure it through great +chartered companies, finally, he believes that the worthy chief baker +in London with his million of money is extremely like the worthy Mrs. +Partington with her mop against the Atlantic.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="christmas-eve-in-the-upper-circles"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id6">CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE UPPER CIRCLES</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1866.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">P</span><span class="dropspan">oor</span> dear God sat alone in his private chamber, moody, melancholy, +miserable, sulky, sullen, weary, dejected, supenally hipped. It was +the evening of Sunday, the 24th of December, 1865. Waters continually +dripping wear away the hardest stone; year falling after year will at +length overcome the strongest god: an oak-tree outlasts many generations +of men; a mountain or a river outlasts many celestial dynasties. A cold +like a thick fog in his head, rheum in his eyes, and rheumatism in his +limbs and shoulders, his back bent, his chin peaked, his poll bald, his +teeth decayed, his body all shivering, his brain all muddle, his heart +all black care; no wonder the old gentleman looked poorly as he cowered +there, dolefully sipping his Lachryma Christi. “I wish the other party +would lend me some of his fire,” he muttered, “for it is horribly +frigid up here.” The table was crowded and the floor littered with +books and documents, all most unreadable reading: missionary reports, +controversial divinity, bishops’ charges, religious periodicals, papal +allocutions and encyclical letters, minutes of Exeter Hall meetings, +ponderous blue books from the angelic bureaux—dreary as the humor of +<em class="italics">Punch</em>, silly as the critiques of the <em class="italics">Times</em>, idiotic as the poetry +of <em class="italics">All the Year Round</em>. When now and then he eyed them askance he +shuddered more shockingly, and looked at his desk with loathing despair. +For he had gone through a hard day’s work, with extra services +appropriate to the sacred season; and for the ten-thousandth time he had +been utterly knocked up and bewildered by the Athanasian Creed.</p> +<p class="pnext">While he sat thus, came a formal tap at the door, and his son entered, +looking sublimely good and respectable, pensive with a pensiveness +on which one grows comfortably fat. “Ah, my boy,” said the old +gentleman, “you seem to get on well enough in these sad times: come to +ask my blessing for your birthday <em class="italics">fête</em>?” “I fear that you are +not well, my dear father; do not give way to dejection, there was once a +man—</p> +<p class="pnext">“O, dash your parables! keep them for your disciples; they are not too +amusing. Alack for the good old times!” “The wicked old times +you mean, my father; the times when we were poor, and scorned, +and oppressed; the times when heathenism and vain philosophy ruled +everywhere in the world. Now, all civilised realms are subject to us, +and worship us.” “And disobey us. You are very wise, much wiser than +your old worn-out father; yet perchance a truth or two comes to me in +solitude, when it can’t reach you through the press of your +saints, and the noise of your everlasting preaching and singing +and glorification. You know how I began life, the petty chief of +a villainous tribe. But I was passionate and ambitious, subtle and +strong-willed, and, in spite of itself, I made my tribe a nation; and I +fought desperately against all the surrounding chiefs, and with pith of +arm and wile of brain I managed to keep my head above water. But I lived +all alone, a stern and solitary existence. None other of the gods was +so friendless as I; and it is hard to live alone when memory is a sea of +blood. I hated and despised the Greek Zeus and his shameless court; yet +I could not but envy him, for a joyous life the rogue led. So I, like an +old fool, must have my amour; and a pretty intrigue I got into with the +prim damsel Mary! Then a great thought arose in me: men cannot be loyal +to utter aliens; their gods must be human on one side, divine on the +other; my own people were always deserting me to pay homage to bastard +deities. I would adopt you as my own son (between ourselves, I have +never been sure of the paternity), and admit you to a share in the +government. Those infernal Jews killed you, but the son of a God could +not die; you came up hither to dwell with me; I the old absolute king, +you the modern tribune of the people. Here you have been ever since; and +I don’t mind telling you that you were a much more loveable character +below there as the man Jesus than you have proved above here as the Lord +Christ. As some one was needed on earth to superintend the executive, we +created the Comforter, prince royal and plenipotentiary; and behold us +a divine triumvirate! The new blood was, I must own, beneficial. We +lost Jerusalem, but we won Rome; Jove, Neptune, Apollo, Bacchus, and +the rest, were conquered and slain; our leader of the opposition ejected +Pluto and Pan. Only I did not bargain that my mistress should more than +succeed to Juno, who was, at any rate, a lawful wife. You announced that +our empire was peace; you announced likewise that it was war; both have +served us. Our power extended, our glory rose; the chief of a miserable +tribe has become emperor of Europe. But our empire was to be the whole +world; yet instead of signs of more dominion, I see signs that what we +have is falling to pieces. From my youth up I have been a man of war; +and now that I am old and weary and wealthy, and want peace, peace flies +from me. Have we not shed enough blood? Have we not caused enough tears? +Have we not kindled enough fires? And in my empire what am I? Yourself +and my mistress share all the power between you; I am but a name at +the head of our proclamations. I have been a man of war, I am +setting old and worn out, evil days are at hand, and I have never +enjoyed life; therefore is my soul vexed within me. And my own subjects +are as strangers. Your darling saints I cannot bear. The whimpering, +simpering, canting, chanting blockheads! You were always happy in a +pious miserableness, and you do not foresee the end. Do you know that +in spite of our vast possessions we are as near bankruptcy as Spain or +Austria? Do you know that our innumerable armies are a Chinese rabble +of cowards and traitors? Do you know that our legitimacy (even if yours +were certain) will soon avail us as little as that of the Bourbons has +availed them? Of these things you are ignorant: you are so deafened with +shouts and songs in your own praise that you never catch a whisper of +doom. I would not quail if I had youth to cope with circumstance; none +can say honestly that I ever feared a foe; but I am so weak that often +I could not walk without leaning on you. Why did I draw out my life to +this ignominious end? Why did I not fall fighting like the enemies I +overcame? Why the devil did you get born at all, and then murdered +by those rascally Jews, that I who was a warrior should turn into a +snivelling saint? The heroes of Asgard have sunk into a deeper twilight +than they foresaw; but their sunset, fervent and crimson with blood and +with wine, made splendid that dawnless gloaming. The joyous Olympians +have perished, but they all had lived and loved. For me, I have +subsisted and hated. What of time is left to me I will spend in another +fashion. Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die.” And he swallowed +hastily a bumper of the wine, which threw him into convulsions of +coughing.</p> +<p class="pnext">Serene and superior the son had let the old man run on. “Do not, I +entreat you, take to drink in your old age, dear father. You say that +our enemies lived and loved; but think how unworthy of divine rulers was +their mode of life, how immoral, how imprudent, how disreputable, how +savage, how lustful, how un-Chris-tian! What a bad example for poor +human souls!” “Human souls be blessed! Are they so much improved +now?... Would that at least I had conserved Jove’s barmaid; the +prettiest, pleasantest girl they say (we know you are a Joseph, though +you always had three or four women dangling about you); fair-ankled was +the wench, bright-limbed; she might be unto me even as was Abishag, the +Shunammite, unto my old friend David.” “Let us speak seriously, my +father, of the great celebration to-morrow.” “And suppose I <em class="italics">am</em> +speaking very seriously, you solemn prig; not a drop of my blood is +there in you.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Here came a hurried knocking at the door, and the angelic ministers of +state crawled in, with super-elaborate oriental cringings, to deliver +their daily reports. “Messages from Brahma, Ormuzd, etc., to +congratulate on the son’s birthday.” “The infidels! the +mockers!” muttered the son. “Good words,” said the father; “they +belong to older families than ours, my lad, and were once much more +powerful. You are always trying to win over the parvenus.” “A riot +in the holy city. The black angels organised to look after the souls of +converted negroes having a free fight with some of the white ones. My +poor lambs!” sighed the son. “Black sheep,” growled the father; +“what is the row?” “They have plumed themselves brighter than +peacocks, and scream louder than parrots; claim precedence over the +angels of the mean whites; insist on having some of their own hymns and +tunes in the programme of to-morrow’s concert.” “Lock’em all up, +white and black, especially the black, till Tuesday morning; they can +fight it out then—it’s Boxing Day. Well have quite enough noise +to-morrow without ’em. Never understood the nigger question, for my +part: was a slave-holder myself, and cursed Ham as much as pork.” +“New saints grumbling about lack of civilised accommodation: want +underground railways, steamers for the crystal sea, telegraph wires to +every mansion, morning and evening newspapers, etc., etc,; have had +a public meeting with a Yankee saint in the chair, and resolved that +heaven is altogether behind the age.” “Confound it, my son, have I +not charged you again and again to get some saints of ability up here? +For years past every batch has been full of good-for-nothing noodles. +Have we no engineers, no editors at all.” “One or two engineers, we +believe, sire, but we can’t find a single editor.” “Give one +of the <em class="italics">Record</em> fellows the measles, and an old <em class="italics">l’Univers</em> hand the +cholera, and bring them up into glory at once, and we’ll have two +daily papers. And while you are about it, see whether you can discover +three or four pious engineers—not muffs, mind—and blow them up +hither with their own boilers, or in any other handy way. Haste, haste, +post haste!” “Deplorable catastrophe in the temple of the New +Jerusalem: a large part of the foundation given way, main wall fallen, +several hundred workmen bruised.” “Stop that fellow who just left; +countermand the measles, the cholera will be enough; we will only have +one journal, and that must be strictly official. If we have two, one +will be opposition. Hush up the accident. It is strange that Pandemonium +was built so much better and more quickly than our New Jerusalem!” +“All our best architects and other artists have deserted into Elysium, +my lord; so fond of the company of the old Greeks.”</p> +<p class="pnext">When these and many other sad reports had been heard, and the various +ministers and secretaries savagely dismissed, the father turned to the +son and said: “Did I not tell you of the evil state we are in?” +“By hope and faith and charity, and the sublime doctrine of +self-renunciation, all will yet come right, my father.” “Humph! let +hope fill my treasury, and faith finish the New Jerusalem, and charity +give us peace and quietness, and self-renunciation lead three-quarters +of your new-fangled saints out of heaven; and then I shall look to have +a little comfort.” “Will you settle to-morrow’s programme, sire? +or shall I do my best to spare you the trouble?” “You do your best +to spare me the trouble of reigning altogether, I think. What programme +can there be but the old rehearsal for the eternal life (I wish you may +get it)? O, that horrible slippery sea of glass, that bedevilled throne +vomiting thunders and lightning, those stupid senile elders in white +nightgowns, those four hideous beasts full of eyes, that impossible +lamb with seven horns and one eye to each horn! O, the terrific +shoutings and harpings and stifling incense! A pretty set-out for my +time of life I And to think that you hope some time or other to begin +this sort of thing as a daily amusement, and to carry it on for ever and +ever! Not much appearance of its beginning soon, thank goodness—that +is to say,, thank badness. Why can’t you have a play of Aristophanes, +or Shakespeare, or Molière? Why should I meddle with the programme? +I had nothing to do with first framing it. Besides, it is all in your +honor, not in mine. You like playing the part of the Lamb; I’m much +more like an old wolf. You are ravished when those beasts give glory and +honour and thanks; as for me, I am utterly sick of them. Behold what +I will do; I must countenance the affair, but I can do so without +disturbing myself. I’ll not go thundering and roaring in my +state-carriage of the whirlwind; I’ll slip there in a quiet cloud. +You can’t do without my glory, but it really is too heavy for my aged +shoulders; you may lay it upon the throne; it will look just as well. +As for my speech, here it is all ready written out; let Mercury, I mean +Raphael or Uriel, read it; I can’t speak plainly since I lost so many +teeth. And now I consider the matter, what need is there for my actual +presence at all? Have me there in effigy; a noble and handsome dummy can +wear the glory with grace* Mind you have a handsome one; I wish all the +artists had not deserted us. Your pious fellows make sad work of us, +my son. But then their usual models are so ugly; your saints have good +reason to speak of their vile bodies. How is it that all the pretty +girls slip away to the other place, poor darlings? By the bye, who are +going on this occasion to represent the twelve times twelve thousand of +the tribes of Israel? Is the boy Mortara dead yet? He will make one +real Jew.” “We are converting them, sire.” “Not the whole gross +of thousands yet, I trust? Faugh! what a greasy stench there would +be—what a blazing of Jew jewelry!</p> +<p class="pnext">“Hand me the latest bluebook, with the reports....</p> +<p class="pnext">“Ah, I see; great success! Power of the Lord Christ! (always you, of +course). Society flourishing. Eighty-two thousand pounds four shillings +and twopence three-farthings last year from Christians aroused to the +claims of the lost sheep of the House of Israel. (Very good.) Five +conversions!! Three others have already been persuaded to eat pork +sausages. (Better and better.) One, who drank most fervently of the +communion wine suffered himself to be treated to an oyster supper. +Another, being greatly moved, was heard to ejaculate, ‘O, +Christ!’... Hum, who are the five? Moses Isaacs: wasn’t he a +Christian ten years ago in Italy, and afterwards a Mahommedan in +Salonica, and afterwards a Jew in Marseilles? This Mussulman is your +oyster-man, I presume? You will soon get the one hundred and forty-four +thousand at this rate, my son! and cheap too!”</p> +<p class="pnext">He chuckled, and poured out another glass of Lachryma Christi; drank it, +made a wry face, and then began coughing furiously. “Poor drink this +for a god in his old age. Odin and Jupiter fared better. Though decent +for a human tipple, for a divinity it is but <em class="italics">ambrosie stygiale</em>, as my +dear old favorite chaplain would call it. I have his devotional works +under lock and key there in my desk. <em class="italics">Apropos</em>, where is he? Left us +again for a scurry through the more jovial regions? I have not seen him +for a long time.” “My father! really, the words he used, the life he +led; so corrupting for the young saints! We were forced to invite him to +travel a little for the benefit of his health. The court <em class="italics">must</em> be kept +pure, you know.” “Send for him instantly, sir. He is out of favor +because he likes the old man and laughs at your saints, because he +can’t cant and loves to humbug the humbugs. Many a fit of the blues +has he cured for me, while you only make them bluer. Have him fetched at +once. O, I know you never liked him; you always thought him laughing +at your sweet pale face and woebegone airs, laughing ‘<em class="italics">en horrible +sarcasm et sanglante derision</em>’ (what a style the rogue has! what +makes that of your favorite parsons and holy ones so flaccid and flabby +and hectic?) ‘Physician, heal thyself!’ So, in plain words, you have banished +him; the only jolly soul left amongst us, my pearl and diamond and red +ruby of Chaplains, abstracter of the quintessence of pantagruelism! The +words he used! I musn’t speak freely myself now, and the old books I +wrote are a great deal too coarse for you Michael and Gabriel told +me the other day that they had just been severely lectured on the +earnestness of life by one of your new <em class="italics">protégés</em>; they had to kick +him howling into limbo. A fine set of solemn prigs we are getting!” +“My father, the holiness of sorrow, the infiniteness of suffering!” +“Yes, yes, I know all about it. That long-winded poet of yours (he +does an ode for you to-morrow?) began to sermonise me thereon. By +Jupiter, he wanted to arouse me to a sense of my inner being and +responsibilities and so forth. I very soon packed him off to the infant +school where he teaches the alphabet and catechism to the babies +and sucklings. Have you sent for my jovial, joyous, jolly Curé of +Meudon?” “I have; but I deeply regret that your Majesty thinks +it fitting to be intimate with such a free-liver, such a glutton and +wine-bibber and mocker and buffoon.” “Bah! you patronised the +publicans and sinners yourself in your younger and better days. The +strict ones blamed you for going about eating and drinking so much. I +hear that some of your newest favorites object to the wine in your last +supper, and are going to insist on vinegar-and-water in future.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Whereupon entered a man of a noble and courtly presence, lively-eyed +and golden bearded, ruddy complexioned, clear-browed, thoughtful, yet +joyous, serene and unabashed. “Welcome, thrice welcome, my beloved +Alcofribas!” cried the old monarch; “very long is it since last I +saw you.” “I have been exiled since then, your Majesty.” “And I +knew nothing of it!” “And thought nothing of it or of me until you +wanted me. No one expects the King to have knowledge of what is passing +under his eyes.” “And how did you manage to exist in exile, my poor +chaplain?” “Much better than here at court, sire. If your Majesty +wants a little pleasure, I advise you to get banished yourself. Your +parasites and sycophants and courtiers are a most morose, miserable, +ugly, detestable, intolerable swarm of blind beetles and wasps; the +devils are beyond comparison better company.” “What! you have been +mixing with traitors?” “Oh, I spent a few years in Elysium, but +didn’t this time go into the lower circles. But while I sojourned as a +country gentleman on the heavenly borders, I met a few contrabandists. I +need not tell you that large, yea, enormous quantities of beatitude +are smuggled out of your dominions.” “But what is smuggled in?” +“Sire, I am not an informer; I never received anything out of the +secret-service money. The poor angels are glad to run a venture at odd +times, to relieve the tedium of everlasting Te Deum. By the bye, I saw +<em class="italics">the</em> Devil himself.” “The Devil in my kingdom! What is Uriel about? +he’ll have to be superannuated.” “Bah! your Majesty knows very +well that Satan comes in and returns as and when he likes. The passport +system never stops the really dangerous fellows. When he honored me with +a call he looked the demurest young saint, and I laughed till I got +the lockjaw at his earnest and spiritual discourse. He would have taken +yourself in, much more Uriel. You really ought to get him on the list +of court chaplains. He and I were always good friends, so if anything +happens.... It may be well for you if you can disguise yourself as +cleverly as he. A revolution is not quite impossible, you know.” The +Son threw up his hands in pious horror; the old King, in one of his +spasms of rage, hurled the blue-book at the speaker’s head, which +it missed, but knocked down and broke his favorite crucifix. “Jewcy +fiction <em class="italics">versus</em> crucifixion, sire; <em class="italics">magna est veritas et prevalebit!</em> +Thank Heaven, all that folly is <em class="italics">out*side my brains; it is not the first +book full of cant and lies and stupidity that has been flung at me. Why +did you not let me finish? The Devil is no fonder than your sacred self +of the new opinions; in spite of the proverb, he loves and dotes upon +holy water. If you cease to be head of the ministry, he ceases to be +head of the opposition; he wouldn’t mind a change, an innings for him +and an outings for you; but these latest radicals want to crush both +Whigs and Tories. He was on his way to confer with some of your Privy +Council, to organise joint action for the suppression of new ideas. You +had better be frank and friendly with him. Public opposition and private +amity are perfectly consistent and praiseworthy. He has done you +good service before now; and you and your Son have always been of the +greatest assistance to him.” “By the temptation of Job! I must see +to it. And now no more business. I am hipped, my Rabelais; we must have +a spree. The cestus of Venus, the lute of Apollo, we never could find; +but there was sweeter loot in the sack of Olympus, and our cellars +are not yet quite empty. We will have a *petit souper</em> of ambrosia +and nectar.” “My father! my father! did you not sign the pledge to +abstain from these heathen stimulants?” “My beloved Son, with whom I +am not at all well pleased, go and swill water till you get the dropsy, +and permit me to do as I like. No wonder people think that I am failing +when my child and my mistress rule for me!”</p> +<p class="pnext">The Son went out, shaking his head, beating his breast, scrubbing his +eyes, wringing his hands, sobbing and murmuring piteously. “The poor +old God! my dear old father! Ah, how he is breaking! Alack, he will +not last long! Verily, his wits are leaving him! Many misfortunes and +disasters would be spared us were he to abdicate prudently at once. Or a +regency might do. But the evil speakers and slanderers would say that I +am ambitious. I must get the matter judiciously insinuated to the Privy +Council. Alack! alack!”</p> +<p class="pnext">“Let him go and try on his suit of lamb’s wool for to-morrow,” +said the old monarch. “I have got out of the rehearsal, my friend; +I shall be conspicuous by my absence; there will be a dummy in my +stead.” “Rather perilous innovation, my Lord; the people may think +that the dummy does just as well, that there is no need to support +the original.” “Shut up, shut up, O, my Curé; no more politics, +confound our politics! It is Sunday, so we must have none but chaplains +here. You may fetch Friar John and sweet Dean Swift and the amiable +parson Sterne, and any other godly and devout and spiritual ministers +you can lay hold of; but don’t bring more than a pleiad.” “With +Swift for the lost one; he is cooling his ‘sæva indignatio’ in +the Devil’s kitchen-furnace just now, comforting poor Addison, +who hasn’t got quit for his death-bed brandy yet.” “A night of +devotion will we have, and of inextinguishable laughter; and with the +old liquor we will pour out the old libations. Yea, Gargantuan shall be +the feast; and this night, and to-morrow, and all next week, and twelve +days into the new year the hours shall reel and roar with Pantagruelism. +Quick, for the guests, and I will order the banquet!” “With all my +heart, sire, will I do this very thing. Parsons and pastors, pious and +devout, will I lead back, choice and most elect souls worthy of the old +drink delectable. And I will lock and double bolt the door, and first +warm the chamber by burning all these devilish books; and will leave +word with the angel on guard that we are not to be called for three +times seven days, when all these Christmas fooleries and mummeries are +long over. Amen. Selah. <em class="italics">Au revoir</em>. Tarry till I come.”</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +<p class="pfirst">A WORD ON BLASPHEMY.</p> +<p class="pnext">(1867.)</p> +<p class="pnext">This is one of our few and far-between outbursts of Rabelasian laughter, +irresistibly provoked by the aggressive absurdities of theology; and as +such I consider it thoroughly defensible. In all seriousness I affirm +that its mockery is far less “blasphemous” than the solemn outrage +on reason, the infernal damnation of all mankind who are sensible and +sane or who are even mad otherwise than the author, the cold-blooded +dissection of the infinite and eternal God as a superior surgeon may +dissect an inferior corpse, perpetrated by its prototype the so-called +Athanasian Creed. I do not see in what the statement that an old +monkey of the tribe once saw the tail of this great big monkey is more +irreverent than that other statement how Moses of the tribe of Levi once +saw the back parts of the Lord; whom the Church believes to be a Spirit +infinite, without parts, a sort of omnipresent æther or supersubtle +gas. Nor do I see that the monkey, who is at least a natural animal, is +a more outrageous symbol or emblem than the utterly unnatural Lamb as +it had been slain, with seven horns and seven eyes, encompassed by all +“the menagerie of the Apocalypse.” It would be easy to produce, I +think, mockeries far more insulting, buffooneries far more bitter +and malignant, lavished upon Paganism, Socinianism, Atheism, and many +another <em class="italics">ism</em>, in the works of the most saintly divines. The hierarchy +of Olympus is more venerable than the triune Lord of the New Jerusalem; +yet how is it treated in our most popular burlesques? I go to a theatre +and find a Christian audience, very tenderly sensitive as to their own +religious feelings rolling with laughter and thundering applause at +the representation of a ballet-girl Jupiter ascending in a car like a +monstrous coal-scuttle, with a deboshed mechanical eagle nodding its +head tipsily to the pit; a male Minerva, spectacles on nose, who takes +sly gulps from a gin bottle and dances a fish-fag carmagnole; a Bacchus +sprawling about drunken and brutish as Caliban; all uttering idiotic +puns and singing idiotic songs. And if other mythologies were equally +familiar, they would doubtless be maltreated with equal contempt. You +thus deliver over to your dismal comic writers, to your clowns and +merry-andrews and bayaderes, the gods of Homer and Æschylus, of +Herodotus, Pindar and Phidias, you the sanctimonious and reverent +modern Britons; and you cry out aghast against “atrocious blasphemy” +touching a Divinity, who was first the anthropomorphic clan-god of a +petty Syrian tribe, who grew afterwards into a vague Ormuzd with the +devil for Ahriman when this tribe had been captive in Babylonia, whom +you have filched from this tribe which you still detest and disdain, +with whom you have associated two colleagues declared by this tribe +(which surely ought to know best) utterly spurious, whom you worship +with rites borrowed from old pagans you decry, and discuss in divinity +borrowed from old philosophers and schoolmen you sneer at; who gave to +his tribe some millenniums back laws which you preserve in the filched +book of your idolatry, but which not one of you dare read to his wife +and children; whose son and colleague gave you laws which are certainly +readable enough, but which you are so far from obeying that you would +assuredly consign to Bedlam any one seeking to act upon them perfectly.</p> +<p class="pnext">But mockery of the Olympians hurts no one’s feelings, while mockery +of the Tri-unity hurts the feelings of nearly all who hear or see it? I +know that there are here and there a few pious and tender hearts, with +whom habitude has become nature; people who, having less intellectual +than cordial energy, more affection and reverence than curiosity and +self-reliance, pour their whole melted nature into whatever religious +moulds chance to be nearest, and harden to the exact shape and size of +the mould, so that any blow struck upon it jars and wounds them; and +the feelings of these I should be very loth to hurt. I care not for +propagandism in general, and in such cases above all propagandism is +certainly useless. Why seek to convert women to a struggling faith? Let +the women be always on the victorious side, let the men do the fighting +and endure the hardships. When their struggling faith has conquered such +triumph as it merits, they will find the women all at once in agreement +with them, converted not by ideas (for which women care not an +apple-dumpling) but by feminine love and loyalty to manhood. One must +always be very loth, I say, to wound the feelings of the pious and +tender hearts, of the beautiful feminine souls; and fortunately these +love to seclude themselves in tranquillity, avoiding debates and +controversies. Whose religious feelings, then, are likely to be wounded +by “atrocious blasphemies,” by “blasphemous indecencies”? The +feelings of “the gentle spirit of our meek Review,” the benign and +holy <em class="italics">Saturday!</em> The feelings of tract distributors, scripture-readers, +polemical parsons, all those in general who violate every courtesy of +life to thrust their narrowminded dogmas upon others, and who preach +everlasting damnation against people too sensible to care for their +ranting! They outrage our reason, they vilify our human nature, they +blaspheme our world, they pollute our flesh, and they wind up by dooming +us to eternal torture because we differ from them: these trifles are, +of course, not supposed to hurt <em class="italics">our</em> feelings. We endeavor to enthrone +human reason, to ennoble human nature, to restore the human body to its +pure dignity, to develop the beauty and glory of the world; and we +wind up, not by retorting upon them their fiendish curses, not even by +laughing at the idea of an almighty and all-good God, but by laughing at +their notions of an almighty and all-good God, who has a Hell ready +for the vast majority of us: this horrible laugh lacerates their +pious sensibilities, and we hear the venomous whine of “atrocious +blasphemy.” After condemning us to death they commit us for contempt +of court, which surely is an anomalous procedure!</p> +<p class="pnext">You can mock the Grecian mythology, you can burlesque Shakespeare, +without wounding any pious heart? No: Olympus is as sacred to many as +Mount Sion is to you; our own Shakespeare is as venerable and dear to us +as to you that bundle of dissimilar anonymous treatises which you have +made coherent by help of the bookbinder and called the Book of Books. +And mark this; the Grecian mythology is dead, is no longer aggressive +in its absurdities; the priestcraft and the foul rites have long since +perished, the beauty and the grace and the splendor remain. But your +composite theology is still alive, is insolently aggressive, its lust +for tyrannical dominion is unbounded; therefore we must attack it if we +would not be enslaved by it. The cross is a sublime symbol; I would no +more think of treating it with disrespect while it held itself aloft in +the serene heaven of poetry than of insulting the bow of Phoebus Apollo +or the thunderbolts of Zeus; but if coarse hands will insist on pulling +it down upon my back as a ponderous wooden reality, what can I do but +fling it off as a confounded burden not to be borne?</p> +<p class="pnext">And now let us consider for a moment the meaning of this word +“blasphemy,” which is the burden of the <em class="italics">S. R.’s</em> slanderous song; +not the legal meaning, but the philosophic, the sense in which it would +be used by enlightened and fair controversialists. The most Christian +<em class="italics">S. R.</em> says to the Atheistic Iconoclast, You blaspheme. Whom? The +Christian God! And the <em class="italics">S, R.</em> does not appear to see that it is +assuming the very existence of God which is in dispute between +itself and Iconoclast! For the Atheist, God is a figment, nothing; in +blaspheming God he therefore blasphemes nothing. A man really blasphemes +when he mocks, insults, pollutes, vilifies that which he really believes +to be holy and awful. Thus a Christian who really believes in the +Christian God (and there <em class="italics">may</em> be a hundred such Christians in England) +can be guilty of blasphemy against that God, whether that God really +subsists or not; for such a Christian in mocking or vilifying God would +really be violating the most sacred convictions of his own nature. +Speaking philosophically, an honest Atheist can no more blaspheme God +than an honest Republican can be disloyal to a King, than an unmarried +man can be guilty of conjugal infidelity.</p> +<blockquote> +<div> +<p class="pfirst">[This “Word on Blasphemy,” as I have ventured to call it, is +from a long article on the <em class="italics">Saturday Review</em> and the +<em class="italics">National Reformer</em>, the rest of which was of merely +temporary interest, and that only to the readers of those +two journals. The “outburst of Rabelasian laughter” which so +provoked the <em class="italics">Saturday Review</em>, was a short satire on +Christian theology and priestcraft, entitled “The Fanatical +Monkeys,” ascribed to Charles Southwell, and just then +published in the <em class="italics">National Reformer</em>.—Editor.]</p> +</div> +</blockquote> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="heine-on-an-illustrious-exile-with-something-about-whales"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id7">HEINE ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS EXILE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT WHALES</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(From the “De l’Allemagne.”) (1867.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">N</span><span class="dropspan">eptune</span> is still the monarch of the empire of the seas, and Pluto +(although metamorphosed into the Devil) has retained the throne of +Tartarus. They have both been more lucky than their brother Jupiter, who +had to suffer specially the vicissitudes of fortune. This third son of +Saturn, who after the fall of his sire assumed the sovereignty of the +heavens, reigned for a long series of years on the summit of Olympus, +surrounded by a jovial court of high and of most high gods and demigods, +as well as on high and of most high goddesses and nymphs—their +celestial ladies of the bedchamber and maids of honor, who all led a +joyous life, replete with ambrosia and nectar, despising the clowns +attached to the soil down here, and taking no thought of the morrow. +Alas, when the reign of the Cross, the empire of suffering, was +proclaimed, the supreme Chronide emigrated and disappeared amidst the +tumult of the barbarian tribes which invaded the Roman world. All traces +of the ex-God were lost, and I have questioned in vain old chronicles +and old women; no one has been able to furnish me with any information +as to his destiny. I have burrowed in many a library, where I made them +bring me the most magnificent <em class="italics">codex</em> enriched with gold and jewels, +veritable odalisques in the harem of science; and as is the custom, I +here render my public thanks to the erudite eunuchs who, without too +much grumbling and sometimes even with affability, have given me access +to these luminous treasures confided to their care. I am now convinced +that the middle ages have not bequeathed to us any traditions concerning +the fate of Jupiter after the fall of Paganism. All that I have been +able to discover in connection with this subject is the history told me +long ago by my friend Niels Andersen.</p> +<p class="pnext">I have just mentioned Niels Andersen, and this good figure, at once so +droll and so lovable, emerges all riant in my memory. I must devote a +few lines to him here. For the rest, I like to indicate my authorities +and to show their good or bad qualities, in order that the reader may be +in a position to judge himself how far these authorities deserve to be +trusted.</p> +<p class="pnext">Niels Andersen, born at Drontheim, in Norway, was one of the most +skilful and intrepid whalers I have ever known. It is to him that I am +indebted for what knowledge I have of the whale fishery. He taught +me all the subtleties of the art; he made me acquainted with all the +stratagems and dodges which the intelligent animal employs to baffle +these subtle snares and make its escape. It was Niels Andersen who +taught me the management of the harpoon; he showed me how you should +fix the knee of the right leg against the gun-whale of the boat when +launching the harpoon, and how with the left leg you launch a vigorous +kick at the imbecile sailor who don’t pay out quickly enough the rope +attached to the harpoon. To him I owe all, and if I have not become +a famous whaler the fault rests neither with Niels Andersen nor with +myself, but with my evil star, which has never allowed me in the course +of my life to encounter any whale with which I might have engaged in +honorable combat. I have only encountered vulgar stockfish and miserable +herrings. Of what use is the best harpoon when you have to deal with a +herring? Now that my limbs are paralysed I must renounce for ever the +hope of pursuing whales. When at Ritzebuttel, near Cuxhaven, I made the +acquaintance of Niels Andersen. He was scarcely more nimble himself, for +off the coast of Senegal a young shark, which no doubt took his right +leg for a stick of barley sugar, had snapped it off with a snap of his +teeth. Since then poor Niels Andersen went limping upon an artificial +leg manufactured from one of the firs of his country, and which he +extolled as a masterpiece of Norwegian carpentry. His greatest pleasure +at this period was to perch himself on the top of a large empty barrel, +on the belly of which he drummed away with his wooden leg. I often +helped him to climb upon this barrel; but sometimes, when he wished to +get down again, I would not give him my help except on the condition +that he told me one of his curious traditions of the Arctic Sea.</p> +<p class="pnext">As Mahomet-Ebn-Mansour commences all his poems with a eulogy of the +horse, so Niels Andersen prefaced all his narratives with a panegyrical +enumeration of the qualities of the whale. He of course commenced with +such a panegyric the legend we give here.</p> +<p class="pnext">“The whale,” he said, “is not only the largest, but also the most +magnificent of animals; the two jets of water leaping from his nostrils, +placed at the top of his head, give him the appearance of a fountain, +and produce a magical effect, above all at night, in the moonshine. +Moreover, this beast is sympathetic. He has a good character and much +taste for conjugal life. It is a touching sight,” he added, “to see +a family of whales grouped around its venerable patriarch, and couched +upon an enormous mass of ice, basking in the sun. Sometimes the young +ones begin to frisk and romp, and at length all plunge into the sea +to play at hide-and-seek among the immense ice-blocks. The purity of +manners and the chastity of the whales should be attributed less +to moral principles than to the iciness of the water wherein they +continually sport. Nor can it, unhappily, be denied,” went on Niels +Anderson, “that they have not any pious sentiment, that they are +totally devoid of religion....”</p> +<p class="pnext">“I believe this is an error,” I cried, interrupting my friend. “I +have lately read the report of a Dutch missionary, wherein he describes +the magnificence of the creation, which, according to him, reveals +itself even in the polar regions at the hour of sunrise, and when +the teams of day, transfiguring the gigantic rocks of ice, make them +resemble those castles of diamonds we read of in fairy tales. All this +beauty of the creation, in the judgment of the good <em class="italics">dominie</em>, is a +proof of the power of God which influences every living creature, so +that not only man, but likewise a great brute of a fish, ravished by +this spectacle, adores the Creator and addresses to him its prayers. The +<em class="italics">dominie</em> assures us that he has seen with his own eyes a whale which +held itself erect against the wall of a block of ice, and swayed the +upper part of its body as men do in prayer.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Niels Andersen admitted that he had himself seen whales which, propping +themselves against a cliff of ice, indulged in movements very similar to +those we remark in the oratories of the various religious sects, but +he maintained that devotion has nothing to do with this phænomenon. +He explained it on physiological grounds; he called my attention to the +fact that the whale, this Chimborazo of animals, has beneath its +skin strata of fat of a depth so prodigious that a single whale often +furnishes a hundred to a hundred and fifty barrels of tallow and +oil. These layers of fat are so thick that while the colossus sleeps, +stretched at its full length upon an icefield, hundreds of water rats +can come and settle in it. These <em class="italics">convives</em> immensely larger and more +voracious than the rats of the mainland, lead joyous life under the skin +of the whale, where day and night they gorge themselves with the most +delicious fat without being obliged to quit their holes. These banquets +of vermin at length trouble their involuntary host and even cause him +excessive sufferings. Not having hands as we have, who, God be thanked, +can scratch ourselves when we feel an itching, the whale tries to +mitigate his pangs by placing himself against the protruding and sharp +angles of a rock of ice, and by there rasping his back with a real +fervor and with vigorous movements up and down, as we see the dogs +rasping their skin against a bed-post when the fleas bite them overmuch. +Now in these movements the good <em class="italics">dominie</em> thought he saw the edifying +act of prayer, and he attributed to devotion the jerkings occasioned by +the orgies of the rats. Enormous as is the quantity of oil in the whale, +it has not the least religious sentiment. It is only among animals +of mediocre stature that we find any religion; the very great, the +creatures gigantic like the whale are not endowed with it. What can be +the reason? Is it that they cannot find a church sufficiently spacious +to afford them entrance into its pale? Nor have the whales any taste for +the prophets, and the one which swallowed Jonah was not able to digest +that great preacher; seized with nausea, it vomited him after three +days. Most certainly that proves the absence of all religious sentiment +in these monsters. The whale, therefore, would never choose an ice-block +for prayer-cushion, and sway itself in attitudes of devotion. It adores +as little the true God who resides above there in heaven, as the false +pagan god who dwells near the arctic pole, in the Isle of the Rabbits, +where the dear beast goes sometimes to pay him a visit.</p> +<p class="pnext">“What is this <em class="italics">Isle of Rabbits</em>?” I asked Niels Andersen. Drumming +on the barrel with his wooden leg, he answered, “It is exactly in this +isle that the events took place of which I am going to tell you. I am +not able to give you its precise geographical position. Since its first +discovery no one has been able to visit it again; the enormous mountains +of ice accumulated around it bar the approach. Once only has it been +visited, by the crew of a Russian whaler driven by-tempests into those +northern latitudes, and that was more than a hundred years ago. When +these sailors, reached it with their ship they found it deserted and +uncultivated. Sickly stalks of broom swayed sadly upon the quicksands; +here and there were scattered some dwarf shrubs and stunted firs +crouching on the sterile soil. Rabbits ran about everywhere in great +numbers; and this is the reason the sailors call the islet the <em class="italics">Isle of +Rabbits</em>. A cabin, the only one they discovered, announced the presence +of a human being. When the mariners had entered the hut they saw an old +man, arrived at the most extreme decrepitude and miserably muffled in +rabbit skins. He was seated upon a stone settle, and warmed his thin +hands and trembling knees at the grate where some brushwood was burning. +At his right hand stood a monstrously large bird, which seemed to be an +eagle; but the moulting of time had so cruelly stripped it that only the +great stiff main-plumes of its wings were left, so that the aspect of +this naked animal was at once ludicrous and horribly ugly. On the left +of the old man was couched upon the ground an aged bald-skinned she-got, +yet with a gentle look, and which, in spite of its great age, had the +dugs swollen with milk and the teats fresh and rosy.</p> +<p class="pnext">“Among the sailors who had landed on the Isle of Rabbits there were +some Greeks, and one of these, thinking that the man of the hut could +not understand his tongue, said to his comrades in Greek, ‘This queer +old fellow must be either a ghost or an evil spirit.’ At these words +the old man trembled and rose suddenly from his seat, and the sailors, +to their great astonishment, saw a lofty and imposing figure, which, +with imperious and even majestic dignity, held itself erect in spite of +the weight of years, so that the head reached the rafters of the roof. +His lineaments, though worn and ravaged, conserved traces of beauty; +they were noble and perfectly regular. Thin locks of silver hair fell +upon the forehead wrinkled by pride and by age; his eyes, though +glazed and lustreless, darted keen regards, and his finely-curved lips +pronounced in the Greek language, mingled with many archaisms, these +words resonant and harmonious:—‘You are mistaken, young man, I am +neither a spectre nor an evil spirit; I am an unfortunate who has seen +better days. But you—what are you.’</p> +<p class="pnext">“At this demand the seamen acquainted their host with the accident +which had driven them out of their course, and they begged him to tell +them all about the isle. But the old man could give them but scant +information. He told them that from immemorial times he had dwelt +in this isle, of which the ramparts of ice offered him a sure refuge +against his implacable enemies, who had usurped his legitimate rights; +that his main subsistence was derived from the rabbits with which +the isle abounded; that every year, at the season when the floating +ice-blocks formed a compact mass, troops of savages in sledges visited +him, who, in exchange for his rabbit skins, gave him all sorts of +articles most necessary to life. The whales, he said, which now and then +approached his isle, were his favorite society. Nevertheless, he +added that he felt much pleasure at this moment in speaking his native +language, being Greek by birth. He begged his compatriots to inform him +as to the then state of Greece. He learnt with a malicious joy, badly +dissimulated, that the Cross once surmounting the towers of the Hellenic +cities had been shattered; he showed less satisfaction when they told +him that this Christian symbol had been replaced by the Crescent. The +most singular thing was that none of the seamen knew the names of the +towns concerning which he questioned them, and which, according to him, +had been flourishing cities in his time. On the other hand, the names by +which the seamen designated the towns and villages of modern Greece were +completely unknown to him; and the old man shook his head often, as if +quite overwhelmed, and the sailors looked at each other with wonder. +They saw well that he knew perfectly the localities of the country, even +to the minutest details; for he described clearly and exactly the gulfs, +the peninsulas, the capes, often even, the most insignificant hills and +isolated groups of rocks. His ignorance of the commonest typographical +names, therefore astonished them all the more.</p> +<p class="pnext">“The old man asked, with the most lively interest, and even with a +certain anxiety, about an ancient temple, which, he said, had been +of old the grandest in all Greece. None of his hearers recognised the +name,, which he pronounced with tender emotion. At last,, when he had +minutely described the place where this, monument stood, a young seaman +suddenly recognised the spot. ‘The village where I was born,’ he +exclaimed, ‘is situated precisely there. During my childhood I have +long watched there the pigs of my father. On this site there are, in +fact, the ruins of very ancient constructions, which must have been +incredibly magnificent. Here and there you see some columns still erect; +they are isolated or connected by fragments of roofing, whence hang +tendrils of honeysuckle and red bind-weeds. Other columns, some of them +red marble, lie fractured on the grass. The ivy has invaded their superb +capitals, formed of flowers and foliage delicately chiselled. Great +slabs of marble, squared fragments of wall and triangular pieces of +roofing, are scattered about, half-buried in the earth. I have often, +continued the young man, ‘passed hours at a time in examining the +combats and the games, the dances and the processions, the beautiful +and ludicrous figures which are sculptured there. Unfortunately these +sculptures are much injured by time, and are covered with moss and +creepers. My father, whom I once asked what these ruins were, told me +that they were the remnants of an ancient temple, of old inhabited by a +Pagan God, who not only indulged in the most gross debaucheries, but who +was, moreover, guilty of incest and other infamous vices; that in their +blindness the idolators had, nevertheless, immolated oxen, often by +hundreds, at the foot of his altar. My father assured me that we still +saw the marble basin wherein they had gathered the blood of the victims, +and that it was precisely the trough to which I frequently led my swine +to drink the rain-water, and in which I also preserved the refuse which +my animals devoured with so much appetite.’</p> +<p class="pnext">“When the young sailor had thus spoken, the old man gave a deep sigh +of the most bitter anguish; he sank nerveless upon the stone seat, and +hiding his visage in his hands, wept like a child. The bird at his +side emitted terrible cries, spread its enormous wings, and menaced the +strangers with talons and beak. The she-goat moaned and licked the hands +of her master, whose sorrows she seemed trying to comfort by her humble +caresses. At this sight a strange trouble swelled in the hearts of the +seamen; they hastily quitted the hut, and did not feel at ease until +they could no more hear the sobbings of the old man, the croakings of +the hideous bird, and the bleatings of the goat. When they got on board +their vessel again they related their adventures. Among the crew there +chanced to be a scholar, who declared that it was an event of the +highest importance. Applying with a sagacious air his right forefinger +to his nose, he assured the seamen that the old man of the Isle of +Rabbits was beyond all doubt the ancient god Jupiter, son of Saturn and +Rhea, once sovereign lord of the gods; that the bird which they had +seen at his side was evidently the famous eagle which used to bear the +thunderbolts in its talons; and that, in all probability, the goat was +the old nurse Amalthea, which had of old suckled the god in the isle of +Crete, and which now continued to nourish him with its milk in the Isle +of Rabbits.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Such was the history of Niels Andersen, and it made my heart bleed. +I will not dissemble; already his revelations concerning the secret +sufferings of the whale had profoundly saddened me. Poor animal! against +this vile mob of rats, which house themselves in your body and gnaw you +incessantly, no remedy avails, and you carry them about with you to the +end of your days; rush as you will to the north and to the south, rasp +yourself against the ice-rocks of the two poles, you can never get +rid of these villainous rats? But pained as I had been by the outrage +wreaked upon the poor whales, my soul was infinitely more troubled by +the tragical fate of this old man who, according to the mythological +theory of the learned Russian, was the heretofore King of the gods, +Jupiter the <em class="italics">Chronide</em>. Yes, he, even he, was subject to the fatality +of Destiny, from which not the immortals themselves can escape; and the +spectacle of such calamities horrifies us, in filling us with pity and +indignation. Be Jupiter, be the sovereign lord of the world, the frown +of whose brows made tremble the universe! be chanted by Homer, and +sculptured by Phidias in gold and ivory; be adored by a hundred nations +during long centuries; be the lover of Semele, of Danae, of Europa, of +Alcmena, of Io, of Leda, of Calisto! and after all, nothing will remain +at the end but a decrepit old man, who to gain his miserable livelihood +has to turn dealer in rabbit skins, like any poor Savoyard. Such a +spectacle will no doubt give pleasure to the vile multitude, which +insults to-day that which it adored yesterday. Perhaps among these +worthy people are to be found some of the descendants of those unlucky +bulls which were of old immolated in hecatombs upon the altar of +Jupiter; let such rejoice in his fall, and mock him at their ease, in +revenge for the blood of their ancestors, victims of idolatry; as +for me, my soul is singularly moved, and I am seized with dolorous +commiseration at the view of this august misfortune.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-daily-news"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id8">THE DAILY NEWS</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1874.)</p> +<dl class="docutils"> +<dt>:: “Ich hab’ mein Sach auf Nichts gestellt,</dt> +<dd><p class="first pfirst">Juchhe! +Drum ist’s so wohl mir in der Welt; +Juchhe!”—Gôthe.</p> +<p class="last pnext">“He got so subtle that to be +Nothing was all his glory.” +Shelley, “Peter Bell the Third”</p> +</dd> +</dl> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">I</span><span class="dropspan">t</span> is now some time since the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>, which, perhaps with more +honor than profit, and not seldom at great risk of its life, had been +for many years a really leading Liberal journal, fighting gallantly +always in the van, often in forlorn hopes, took to heart a certain +very-obvious truth. It awoke fully to the fact that while a captain in +the forlorn hope or vanguard is constantly in great peril, and has but +few supporters, one with the main body is much less exposed and has many +more to help him. Weary and discouraged, it resolved to fall back from +the front and join the mass of the army, the myriads of the commonplace +and the timorous, the legions of the rich and respectable, the countless +hosts of the snobbery of Bumbledom. But in making this “strategic +movement,” it is well aware that honor equal to the danger is attached +to the forlorn hope and the vanguard, and it clung to the honor while +renouncing the danger, and continued to call itself a leading Liberal +journal when it had quite given up the lead—nay, continues thus +to vaunt itself still. This is how some malicious people explain the +altered position of the Daily News and its growing number of supporters, +or, in the language of periodicals, its increasing circulation. Now, say +these impatient and intemperate persons, a paper is free to serve Bumble +(as nearly all papers do), or to serve Progress, the enemy of Bumble; +but it has no right, while serving the one, to claim the merit of +serving the other. This <em class="italics">Daily News</em>, they go on, which still dares to +call itself Liberal, is now just as liberal as the jester’s Garrick, +who used to set out with generous intentions, and was scared back at the +corner of the street by the ghost of a ha’penny. In its case it is +the ghost of a penny, the ghost of the representative penny of all the +pennies ready to buy vapid twaddle, but not earnest thought.</p> +<p class="pnext">For my own part, however, I find the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> still really liberal, +and, in fact, extremely liberal. It is liberal in long special telegrams +and interminable Jenkins letters about the most insignificant movements +and actions of royal personages. It is equally liberal in reticence, +slightly tempered by sneers, as to all advanced movements, all unpopular +principles and their champions. It is liberal in the space it gives to +all fashionable frivolities, sports and pastimes, to all the bagatelles +of life. If it has not a paragraph to spare for a Radical meeting, it +has always columns at the command of boat races, yacht races, horse +races, cricket and polo matches, and the like important events, as well +as other columns for the gossip of clubs and the babble of society. It +is liberal in hopefulness that wrong may be right, falsehood truth, evil +good. It is very liberal in soft phrases, and in “passages that lead +to nothing.” Nothing, indeed, is the great end of its endeavor; for +what alteration can be needed by a world in which the circulation of +the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> is continually increasing? Unless, perchance, as +the circulation is already “world-wide,” the world will have to +be extended in order to accommodate it. But this concerns Father God or +Mother Nature, not mere mortals. All these liberalities I could amply +illustrate did space permit; as it is, I can give but an instance each +to the first two. The Prince of Wales being in France, amusing himself +like any other man who has money and leisure, “The Prince of Wales in +France—Special,” heads its placards in the largest letters. On the +other hand, I heard one of our three or four greatest writers, Garth +Wilkinson, declare at a public meeting that he had written several +letters to it on a subject then agitating the public mind, but that he +could as easily get a letter into the moon as into the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>. +Yet the subject was medical; and Garth Wilkinson is not only one of +our greatest writers and thinkers, but also an M.D. and F.R.S., who has +practised for I know not how much more than a quarter of a century. To +refuse his letters on that matter was like refusing to hear Carlyle on +Cromwell or Darwin on Natural Selection. Why, then, did the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> +reject them? For the simply sufficient reason that they advocated the +unpopular side of the question.</p> +<p class="pnext">Yes, it is still liberal and beyond measure liberal in these and many +other respects. It has still great care of the people—to keep aloof +from them; it loves them more than ever—at a distance. It still +belongs to the Left—in the rear. It is still of the Mountain, only it +has descended to provision itself; as the sage rhyme runs,</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“The mountain sheep were sweeter, +But the valley sheep were fatter; +We therefore deemed it meeter +To carry off the latter.” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">It is still Radical, having a rooted love of ease and hatred of +disturbance. It is still revolutionary, but has resolved that henceforth +revolutions shall be made with rose-water, and omelettes without +breaking of....</p> +<p class="pnext">While thus freely acknowledging that in many things the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> is +now more liberal than ever it was, I must also record my admiration for +its strenuous endeavors to assume an air of aristocratic refinement and +repose. From its serene indifference to the troubles of vulgar humanity, +from the languid lisp and drawl of its voice, from its perpetual +allusions to the luxuries and enjoyments of the wealthy and noble, one +readily divines that its staff, like the staff of my Lord Chamberlain +or other court lackey, can move only in the highest circles; but whether +its members are admitted into these as gentlemen or as gentlemen’s +gentlemen, I must leave for those familiar with such circles to declare. +This is certain, that they flit about amidst a lordly festival in the +gay and careless fashion of men who have no thought save of enjoying +themselves; not like poor devils who have duties which, though better +paid, are as onerous and strictly subservient to the gathering as those +of the waiters or the footmen. It must surely be by a mere afterthought, +and purely for their own amusement, that they throw off a description +of the scene and an account of what occurred there. By the bye, it is +rumored that the staff has been thoroughly changed of late years. The +old members were able enough, but they were too coarse, too loud, +too violent, too opiniative, too much given to discussing important +questions as if they really cared for the same. Their manners especially +could not be endured One entered the Editor’s sanctum (which had +then just been refurnished under the supervision of the Count of Monte +Cristo) in his wet boots, although embroidered slippers were provided at +the foot of the stairs. Another exploded with a “Damned old idiot!” +on reading the charge of one of our Right Reverend Fathers in God. +Another was caught smoking a clay pipe over a pint of beer, although +narghilés and hookahs and the choicest cigarettes, with unlimited +supplies of the most costly wines and liqueurs, are always set out for +the staff and such visitors as are admitted to the inner offices. The +<em class="italics">Daily News</em> wrote to my Lord Chief Justice demanding that this fellow +should be sent without trial to keep company with Arthur Orton, and for +all I know the Chief Justice humbly obeyed. Another was seen walking +arm-in-arm with the Editor of the <em class="italics">Times</em>, and was of course instantly +dismissed, the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> writing to warn the man of the other +journal.</p> +<p class="pnext">This, I am assured, is historical fact, to which the Editor of the +<em class="italics">Times</em> will bear witness, if he be not ashamed to avow what may seem to +hurt his dignity. For these and the like offences the old members have +been all dismissed.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is said to be a peculiarity of the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> that all the leading +articles are manufactured on the premises, if I may venture on a +shop phrase in such a connection. I have spoken of the luxury of +the Editor’s sanctum, which is a large and noble apartment. The +leader-writers are borne to the office in closed carriages, with double +or triple windows and india-rubber tires, lest some rude oath, or nasty +smell, or even the loud noise of the streets should shock them into +hysterics, or at least so unstring their nerves as to render writing +impossible for the day. In the sumptuous boudoir-sanctum, lounging, +smoking, and sipping, they receive on silver salvers telegrams from +all parts of the rolling globe, with innumerable communications and +documents, written and printed; and such of these as they are pleased to +look at tin Epicurean gods:</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“For they lie beside their nectar, +and the bolts are hurled +Far below them in the valleys.” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">They lie a good deal beside their nectar; but their bolts are anything +but thunderbolts. Thunderbolts! The mere word would make these gasp and +shudder. They are not thunderbolts, they are not rockets, they are +not even squibs; they are bonbons and genuine <em class="italics">confetti</em>, not your +<em class="italics">confetti</em> of the Carnival.</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“*There* they smile in secret, looking over wasted lands, +Blight and famine, plague and earthquake, roaring deeps and fiery sands, +Clanging fights and flaming towns, and sinking ships and praying hands. + +But they smile, they find a music centered in a doleful song +Steaming up, a lamentation and an ancient tale of wrong, +Like a tale of little meaning, tho the words are strong; + +Chanted from an ill-used race of men that cleave the soil, +Sow the seed and reap the harvest with enduring toil, +Storing yearly little dues of wheat, and wine and oil.” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">Naturally these lofty beings smile; for what have they to do with +the cares and woes, the hopes and fears of ordinary mortals? Besides, +battles and shipwrecks, disasters and convulsions, make the best of +copy; and the music centred in the doleful song is a hymn of triumph, +with the glorious refrain, “Our circulation is still increasing! Our +world-wide circulation continues to increase!” And surely the ill-used +race of men that till the soil should be appeased and amply satisfied +by the showers of bonbons and sweetmeats the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> is always +flinging down. It has more important duties to attend to than fighting +the battles and righting the wrongs of an ignorant, passionate, +unreasonable, wretched rabble, considerably addicted to dirt, +drunkenness, and vice. For thirty hours at least in every twenty-four +it is in attendance on some Royalty or another, or at the sports and +entertainments of “Society, with a capital S.” It is said that the +“copy” of these superlative writers, who always wear kid gloves +while writing, is written with golden pens and tinted and perfumed +ink, on perfumed and tinted paper. It is moreover said that the journal +itself is soon to be printed on vellum, in the illuminated style, with +arabesque borders. It is also rumored that the <em class="italics">Court Journal</em> and the +<em class="italics">Morning Post</em>, finding themselves quite outdone by the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>, +and their occupation gone, will shortly cease to appear.</p> +<p class="pnext">I must not omit to mention that I have been told on authority, which +I incline to consider good, that in the said gorgeous sanctum is +conspicuous a table of commandments, wrought in letters of fine gold, +which commandments are these:</p> +<p class="pnext">I. Thou shalt never be in earnest about anything, and shalt abhor +enthusiasm.</p> +<p class="pnext">II. Thou shalt not have a decided opinion on any subject.</p> +<p class="pnext">III. Thou shalt never write an unqualified sentence, or risk an +unmodified statement.</p> +<p class="pnext">IV. Thy style shall be always in the tone of a sweet murmur or soft +whisper; a lullaby of peace for drowsy-headed Bumbledom.</p> +<p class="pnext">V. Thou shalt write with an air of assured superiority to everybody, and +everything.</p> +<p class="pnext">VI. Thou shalt ever bear in mind that there is no joy but calm, and +that the supreme moral excellence is good taste, which may be quite +compatible with meanness, servility, and cowardice, but cannot be +compatible with the foolish fervor of zeal.</p> +<p class="pnext">VII. Thou shalt always mention and allude to as many persons, places, +and luxuries of high life as possible.</p> +<p class="pnext">VIII. Thou shalt drag into every article three or four literary +citations or allusions, whether relevant or irrelevant, in order to show +to the world thy culture.</p> +<p class="pnext">IX. Thou shalt carefully avoid mention of all ardent reformers and +unpopular thinkers, and their doings, save to lightly banter or coldly +rebuke them.</p> +<p class="pnext">X. Thou shalt treat with profound respect and tenderness all the powers +that be, and all popular opinions, social, political and religious, +however thou mayest contemn them in thy heart; for great Bumble is the +sole lord of large circulations, and only through his continued grace +can our circulation continue to increase.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is by assiduously conforming themselves to this most wise and holy +decalogue, that the members of the staff of the <em class="italics">Daily News</em> have +become such rare flowers of sweetness and light; worthy of that serene +Professor of Haughty-culture, Matthew Arnold himself, ere he had +perpetrated “Literature and Dogma.”</p> +<p class="pnext">But while, in common with all the other worshippers of the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>, +I exult in its world-wide and ever-increasing circulation, I am haunted +by a horrible fear, which I cannot conceal, but will hint and whisper +as gently as possible. When a stone falls into a pond—but no, pond is +vulgar—when a stone falls into a still lake, the first small rings +are clearly defined, but the circlings as they enlarge grow fainter and +fainter, until at length they can no more be perceived. Now, as all the +world knows, our beloved and revered Daily News, in its ever-increasing +circulation, has hitherto followed precisely the same law; and my dread +is that it will continue to do so unto the utmost extremity, becoming +ever more and more faint and undefined as the circulation increases, +until it shall altogether vanish away. It is getting so refined that I +fear it will soon be fined away to nothing; so delicate and dainty, that +it is already unfit for this rough world, whose slightest shock may +kill it; so ethereal that its complete evaporation seems imminent; so +supernal that it must surely soon disappear, absorbed into the Empyrean. +May that good God, who we have been told “will think twice before +damning a person of quality,” think many, many times before condemning +our fashionable world to such an irreparable loss!</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="jesus-as-god-as-a-man"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id9">JESUS: AS GOD; AS A MAN</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1866.)</p> +<blockquote> +<div> +<p class="pfirst">“These hereditary enemies of the Truth... have even had the +heart to degrade this first preacher of the Mountain, the +purest hero of Liberty; for, unable to deny that he was +earth’s greatest man, they have made of him heaven’s +smallest god.”—Heine: Reisébilder.</p> +</div> +</blockquote> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> doctrine of the divinity of Jesus, which, in whatever relation +regarded, is full of self-contradictions and absurdities, is, above all, +pernicious in its moral and spiritual results. Most myths have a certain +justification in their beauty, in their symbolism of high truth. This +one distorts the beauty, degrades the sublimity, stultifies the meaning +of the facts and the character wherein it has been founded, taking away +all true grandeur from Jesus, benumbing our love and reverence.</p> +<p class="pnext">Jesus, as a man, commands my heart’s best homage. His words, as +reported by the Evangelists, are ever-flowing fountains of spiritual +refreshments; and I feel that he was in himself even far more wise and +good than he appears in the gospel. What disciple could be expected +to report perfectly the words of a teacher so mystically sublime? The +disciple intends and endeavors to report faithfully; but when he hears +words which to him are without sense, because they express some truth +whose sphere is beyond the reach of his vision, he makes sense of them +by some slight change—slight as to the letter, immense as to the +spirit; for the sense is a truth or truism of his own lower sphere. And +when the reports are not put into writing until many years after the +words were first uttered, the changes will be important even as to the +letter; for a narrative from a man’s mouth always alters year after +year as much as the man himself alters, for he continues grafting his +own sense (which may be deplorable nonsense) upon words which have been +spoken. When we find sentences of the purest beauty and wisdom in the +records of a man’s conversation, we may safely proportion the whole +philosophical character of the speaker to such sentences. They mark the +altitude at which his spirit loved to dwell. We are but completing the +circle from the clearest fragment-arc left. Sentences of wisdom less +exalted, or of apparent unwisdom, have perhaps been degraded by the +reporter, or have been relative to circumstances which we cannot now +learn thoroughly.</p> +<p class="pnext">Jesus as a man, whose words have been recorded by fallible men, is +not lowered in my esteem by such contradictions as I find between his +various speeches. Every proverb has its antagonist proverb, each being +true to a certain extent, or in certain relations. Could we conceive +an abstract intellect, we might conceive it dwelling continually in the +sphere of abstract and absolute truth; but no man, however wise, dwells +continually in this sphere. As a man living in the world, his intellect +no less than his body lives in the relative and the conditioned, and +naturally reflects the character of this sphere. The wise man finds +himself surrounded and obstructed by certain concrete errors, and he +attacks these errors with relative truths. Were the errors of another +sort, the truths commonly in his mouth would be of another sort too. +Many wise men of different ages and countries are pitted against each +other as if their doctrines were fundamentally antagonistic, while, in +truth, their doctrines are essentially in unison, and either would have +spoken or written much the same as the other had he lived in the same +circumstances. For a wise man only attacks the errors that are in +his way; things which he never meets he can scarcely think of as +obstructions. Hannibal, whose business it is to get into Italy from +Gaul, sets about blasting the Alps. Stephenson, whose business it is to +get from Manchester to Liverpool, sets about filling up Chat Moss. +The same man, who muffles himself in as many furs as he can get in +Greenland, will strip himself to a linen robe in Jamaica. Luther said +that the human mind is like a drunken peasant on horseback: he is +rolling off on the right, you push him up, he then rolls over on the +left. Exactly so; and because one sage, seeing him roll down to the +right, has pushed him up on the right, while another sage, seeing him +roll down to the left, has pushed him up on the left, are the two sages +to be accounted antagonists? Now as a wise man in the course of his +existence meets errors of many sorts, some of a quite opposite tendency +to others, and as he proves his wisdom by applying to each error its +relative or pertinent truth, the rule is almost rigidly exact: that the +wiser the man the more of apparent contradictions can be found in his +writings or conversation treating of actual life.</p> +<p class="pnext">But deity is beyond the sphere of the relative and conditioned. When +deity speaks and deity reports the speeches, all should be absolute +truth transparently self-consistent, else what advantage or gain have we +by the substitution of God for Man? Why bring in God to utter and record +what could have been as well uttered and recorded by man?</p> +<p class="pnext">Everything for which we love and venerate the man Jesus becomes a bitter +and absurd mockery when attributed to the Lord Christ. The full heart is +praising the man; you turn him into God, a ruinous salvo is added to the +praise.</p> +<p class="pnext">He went about doing good: if God, why did he not do all good at once? He +cured many sick: if God, why did he not give the whole world health? He +associated with publicans and sinners: if God, why did he make publicans +and sinners at all? He preached the kingdom of heaven: if God, why did +he not bring the kingdom with him and make all mankind fit for it? +He loved the poor, he taught the ignorant: if God, why did he let any +remain poor and ignorant? He rebuked the Pharisees and Sadducees: it +God, why did he not wholly purify them from formalism, hypocrisy, and +unbelief? He died for love of mankind: if God, why did he not restore +mankind to himself without dying? and what great thing was it to seem to +die for three days? He sent apostles to preach salvation to all men: if +God, why did he not reveal it at once to all men, and so reveal it that +doubt had been impossible? He lived an example of holiness to us all: +if God, how can our humanity imitate Deity? And finally, a question +trampling down every assertion in his favor: why did he ever let the +world get evil?</p> +<p class="pnext">One is ashamed of repeating these things for the ten-thousandth time, +but they will have to be repeated occasionally, so long as a vast +ecclesiastical system continues to rest on the foundations of the +absurdities they oppugn. And while one is grinding such chaff in the +theological mill, he may as well have a turn at the Atonement, which +is, in fact, the essence of the dogma of the Incarnation. No wonder this +poor Atonement has been attacked on all sides; it invites attack; one +may say that in every aspect it piteously implores us to attack it and +relieve it from the misery of its spectral existence. It is so full of +breaches that one does not know where to storm.</p> +<p class="pnext">I am content to note one aspect of this unfortunate mystery which, so +far as I am aware, has been seldom studied. The whole scheme of the +Atonement, as planned by God, is based upon a crime—a crime infinitely +atrocious, the crime of murder and deicide, is essential to its success: +if Judas had not betrayed, if the Jews had not insisted, if Pilate +had not surrendered, if all these turpitudes had not been secured, the +Atonement could not have been consummated. Need one say more? Sometimes, +when musing upon this doctrine, I have a vision of the God-man getting +old upon the earth, horribly anxious and wretched, because no one will +murder him. Judas has succeeded to a large property, and would not +be tempted to betray him by three hundred pieces of silver; the chief +priests and elders think him insane, and, therefore, as Orientals, +hold him in a certain reverence; Pilate is henpecked and superstitious, +accounts the wife’s dreams oracular, and will have nothing to do +with him; even Peter won’t deny him, although he has restored Peter’s +mother-in-law to life. The situation is desperate; he has again and +again prayed his Father to despatch a special murderer to despatch him, +yet none appears: shall he have to perish by old age or disease? may he +be compelled to commit suicide? must he go back to Heaven unsacrificed, +foiled for want of an assassin?</p> +<p class="pnext">Benjamin Disraeli attained the cynical sublime when he suggested a +monument of gratitude to Judas. In fact, Christendom ought to have +erected hundreds of years ago three grand monuments to the sub-trinity +of Christianity, to the three men without whose devoted assistance the +heavenly trinity would not have triumphed in the scheme of Salvation by +Atonement; Judas, Caiaphas and Pilate; and as these three men could not +have done what they did in furtherance of the glorious work without a +well-known inspiration, a fourth memorial—the grandest of all—should +have been erected to the Devil. But the world, even the religious world, +has always been ungrateful to its most generous benefactors.</p> +<p class="pnext">Is it not the worst of sacrilege, a foul profanation of our human +nature, which for us, at least, should be holy and awful, when the +heroic and saintly martyrdom of a true Man is thus falsified into the +self-schemed sham sacrifice, ineffectual, of a God? The people who +profess belief in this are shocked at the outrage offered to our +humanity by the Development Theory, while they themselves commit this +outrage more flagitious. Little matters whence we sprang; we are what we +are. But much matters to what we may attain. If the Development Theory +plants our feet in the slime, the Christian Theory bows our head to +the dust. It asserts that human nature could not possibly be so good as +Jesus, that human genius could not possibly write the books which tell +of him; it denies us our noblest prerogatives, and declares us bastards +when we claim a crown. It climbs to God by trampling on Man, it builds +Heaven in contempt of Earth, its soul is a phosphorescence from the +slain and rotting Body; its fervent faith vilifies us worse than the +coldest sneer of Mephistopheles. Yet the orthodox shudder and moan, +outraged in their pious sensibilities, when one dares to speak with +manly plainness of their doctrines, which commence by polluting our +common nature, continue by insulting our reason, and conclude by damning +the large majority of us!</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-one-thing-needful"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id10">THE ONE THING NEEDFUL</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1866.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">W</span><span class="dropspan">hen</span> I survey with pious joy the present world of Christendom, finding +everywhere that the true believers love their neighbors as themselves +and are specially enamored of their enemies; that no one of them takes +thought for the morrow, what he shall eat or what he shall drink, or +wherewithal he or she shall be clothed; that all the pastors and +flocks endeavor to outstrip each other in laying not up for themselves +treasures upon earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves +break through and steal; and all are so intensely eager to quit this +earthly tabernacle and become freeholders of mansions in the skies; +when I find faith as universal as the air, and charity as common as +cold water; I sometimes wonder how it is that any misbelievers and +unbelievers are left, and feel astonished that the New Jerusalem has not +yet descended, and hope that the next morning’s <em class="italics">Times</em> (rechristened +<em class="italics">The Eternities</em>) will announce the inauguration of the Millennium.</p> +<p class="pnext">What delayeth the end? Can there indeed be any general hindering sin +or imperfection among the pure saints, the holy, unselfish, aspiring, +devout, peaceful, loving men and women who make up the population +of every Christian land? Can any error infect the teachings of the +innumerable divines and theologians, who all agree together in every +particular, drawing all the same doctrines from the same texts of the +one unvaried Word of God? I would fain believe that no such sin or error +exists, not a single inky spot in the universal dazzling whiteness; +but then why have we to deplore the continued existence of heathens +and infidels? why is the New Jerusalem so long a-building? why is the +Millennium so long a-coming? why have we a mere Sardowa instead of +Armageddon?</p> +<p class="pnext">After long and painful thought, after the most serious and reverent +study, I think I have found the rock on which the ship of the Church +has been wrecked; and I hasten to communicate its extreme latitude +and interminable longitude, that all Christian voyagers may evade and +circumvent it from this time forward.</p> +<p class="pnext">The error which I point out, and the correction which I propose, have +been to a certain extent, in a vague manner, pointed out and proposed +before. A clergyman named Malthus, not in his clerical capacity, +but condescending to the menial study of mundane science, is usually +considered the first discoverer. But mundane science is conditioned, +limited, vague, its precepts are full of hesitation; while celestial +science is absolute, unlimited, clear as the noonday sun, and its +precepts are imperiously forthright.</p> +<p class="pnext">It seems to me that the one fatal error which has lurked in our +otherwise consummate Christianity, and which demands immediate +correction is this, that the propagation of children is reconcileable +with the propagation of the faith—an error which while it lasts +adjourns <em class="italics">sine die</em> the day of judgment, and begins the Millennium with +the Greek Kalends.</p> +<p class="pnext">One need not quote the numerous texts throughout the New Testament +(let Matthew xix., 12, suffice) proving that Jesus and the epistolary +apostles accounted celibacy essential to the <em class="italics">highest</em> Christian life. +One only of the disciples, so far as we know, was married; and he it was +who denied his master; and most of the more profound divines consider +that Peter was justly punished for marrying, when Christ cured his +mother-in-law of that fever which might else have carried her off.</p> +<p class="pnext">But many modest people may be content with a respectable Christian life +which is not of the very highest kind. They may think that as husbands +and wives they will make very decent middle-class saints in heaven, +after a comfortable existence on earth, leaving the nobler crowns of +holiness for more daring spirits. Humility is one of the fairest graces, +and we revere it; but there is a consideration, most momentous for the +kind Christian heart, which such good people must have overlooked—very +naturally, since it is very obvious.</p> +<p class="pnext">Jesus tells us that many are called but few are chosen; that few enter +the strait gate and travel the narrow way, while many take the broad +way that leadeth to destruction. In other words, the large majority of +mankind, the large majority of even those who have the gospel preached +to them must be damned. When a human soul is born into the world, the +odds are at least ten to one that the Devil will get it. Can any pious +member of the Church who has thought of this take the responsibility of +becoming a parent? I thoroughly believe not. I am convinced that we have +so many Christian parents only because this very conspicuous aspect +of the case has not caught their view. If the parents could have any +assurance that the piety of their offspring would be in proportion to +their own, they would be justified in wedding in holiness. But alas! we +all know that some of the most religious parents have had some of the +most wicked children. Dearly beloved brethren and sisters pause and +calculate that for every little saint you give to heaven, you beget and +bear at least nine sinners who will eventually go to hell.</p> +<p class="pnext">The remedy proposed is plain and simple as a gospel precept: let no +Christian have any child at all—a rule which, in the grandeur of +its absoluteness makes the poor timid and tentative Malthusianism very +ridiculous indeed. For this rule is drawn immediately from the New +Testament and cannot but be perfect as its source.</p> +<p class="pnext">Let us think of a few of the advantages which would flow from its +practice. The profane have sometimes sneered that Jesus and his +disciples manifestly thought that the world would come to an end, the +millennium be inaugurated, within a very few years from the public +ministry of Jesus. Luckily the profane are always ignorant or shallow, +or both. For, as the New Jerusalem is to come down while Christians +are alive, and as Christians in the highest sense or Christians without +offspring must have come to an end with the first generation, it is +plain that the belief which has been sneered at was thoroughly well +founded; and that it has been disappointed only because the vast +majority of Christians have not been Christians in the highest sense +at all, but in their ignorance have continued to propagate like so many +heathen proletarians.</p> +<p class="pnext">Now, supposing the very likely case that all Christians now living +reflect upon the truth herein expounded, and see that it is true, and, +therefore, always act upon it, it follows that, with the end of our now +young generation, the whole of Christendom will be translated into the +kingdom of heaven. Either the mere scum of non-Christians left upon +the earth will be wholly or in great part converted by an example so +splendid and attractive, and thus translate all Christendom in the +second edition in a couple of generations more; or else the world, being +without any Christianity, will, as a matter of course, be so utterly +vile and evil that the promised fire must destroy it at once, and so +bring in the New Heavens and New Earth.</p> +<p class="pnext">Roman Catholic Christians may indeed answer that, although the above +argument is irresistible to the Protestants, who have no mean in the +next life between Heaven and Hell, yet that it is not so formidable to +them, seeing that they believe in the ultimate salvation of nearly +every one born and reared in their communion, and only give a temporary +purgatory to the worst of their own sinners. And I admit that such reply +is very cogent. Yet, strangely enough, the Catholics, even more than the +Protestants, recognise and cultivate the supreme beatitude of celibacy; +their legions of unwedded priests, and monks, and nuns and saints are so +many legions of concessions to the truth of my main (arguement).</p> +<p class="pnext">I am aware that one of the most illustrious dignitaries of our own +National Church, the very reverend and reverent Dr. Swift, Dean of St. +Patrick’s, has advocated on various grounds, and with impressive force +of reasoning, the general eating of babies: and I anticipate that some +prudent Christians may, therefore, argue that it is better to get babies +and eat them than to have none at all, since the souls of the sweet +innocents would surely go to heaven, while their bodies would be very +nourishing on earth. Unfortunately, however, the doctrine of Original +Sin, as expounded and illustrated by many very thoughtful theologians, +and specially theologians of the most determined Protestant type, makes +it very doubtful whether the souls of infants are not damned. It will +surely be better, then, for good Protestants to have no infants at all: +Q. E. D.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-swinburne-controversy"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id11">THE SWINBURNE CONTROVERSY</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1866.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">N</span><span class="dropspan">ot</span> having read Mr. Swinburne’s “Poems and Ballads,” I have +nothing to say on the special case in which they are involved. A few of +the adverse critiques I have chanced to see, and these almost avail to +convince one that Mr. Swinburne is a true poet. The <em class="italics">Saturday Review</em>, +shocked out of the complacency of its stark peevishness, cried, +“Pretty verses these to read aloud to young ladies in the +drawing-room!” As if there were any great book in existence proper to +read aloud to young ladies in drawing-rooms! and as if young ladies in +drawing-rooms were the fit and proper judges of any great book! I should +like to watch the smuggest and most conceited of Saturday Reviewers +attempting to read aloud to young ladies in a drawingroom certain +chapters in the Bible, certain scenes of Shakespere, certain of the +very best passages in Chaucer, Spenser, Dryden, Pope, Swift, Fielding, +Sterne, Smollett, Burns, Byron, Shelley. When Mr. Swinburne answers that +he writes for full-grown men and women, the acute <em class="italics">Fun</em> affirms that +men have read his book and have condemned it. As if our present brood +of periodical critics were men! At home in private life, some of them +probably are; but in their critical capacity, that is to say incapacity, +how many of them have any virility? The <em class="italics">Athenaeum</em> squashes the +detestable book by proclaiming that it contains such and such things +in the style of Alfred de Musset, George Sand, Victor Hugo, Ovid, etc.; +that is to say, in the style of some of the best Latin and modern French +writers! As for <em class="italics">Punch</em>, he makes a joke worthy of his present lively +condition (were it not for Mr. C. H. Bennett, one would say that there +was no blood at all left in Mr. Punch when the great Leech dropped +off), suggesting that the author should take the appropriate name of +Swine-born. But the mass of our present critics are so far beneath +contempt that we will waste no more time upon them.</p> +<p class="pnext">I have just one remark to make, however, before saying a few words on +the general issue raised by this particular process. A large number +of highly respectable elderly personages in gowns, for the most part +belonging to the priesthood of our very dear National Church, and who +by themselves and by good Bumbledom in general are accounted the real +clerisy of England, have devoted all, or nearly all, the years of their +maturity to what is termed the classical instruction of ingenuous youth. +The ingenuous youth thus magnificently instructed comprise young men of +the highest rank, with the most money and leisure and the reddest blood +in the nation. Is it not rather ludicrous to see the said begowned +elderly personages all wringing their hands and smiting their breasts, +weeping and lamenting in sore astonishment and perplexity and terror, +when one of these young men dares to give sign that he has actually in +some degree <em class="italics">assimilated</em> such classical instruction, instead of +merely gulping it down hastily and then vomiting it all crude at the +examinations?</p> +<p class="pnext">As to the general questions, I will start by avowing frankly my +conviction, that, in the present state of England, every thoughtful man +who loves literature should rejoice in the advent of any really able +book which outrages propriety and shocks Bumbledom, should rejoice in +its advent simply and exactly because it does outrage propriety and +shock Bumbledom, even if this book be nauseous to his own taste and bad +in his own judgment. For the condition of our literature in these days +is disgraceful to a nation of men: Bumble has drugged all its higher +powers, and only the rudest shocks can arouse them from their torpor. We +have still, indeed, by the inscrutable bounty of nature, three or four +great writers, the peers of the greatest in Europe; out they stand like +so many forest-trees, antique oaks of Old England, in a boundless flat +of kitchen-gardens—cabbage and lettuce, radishes and onions, and all +the many-leaved “pot-boilers,” fit only to be soddened and seethed +in a pot, and “to pot,” thank goodness, they all quickly go.</p> +<p class="pnext">Our literature should be the clear and faithful mirror of our whole +world of life, but at present there are vast realms of thought and +imagination and passion and action, of which it is not allowed to give +any reflex at all, or is allowed only to give a reflex so obscure and +distorted as to be worse than none. But, it may be objected, suppose +Satyrs come leering into your mirror and Bacchantes whirl before it? I +answer that the business of a mirror is clear reflection: if it does not +faithfully image the Satyr, how can it faithfully image Hyperion? And do +you dread that the Satyr will be preferred to Hyperion, when both +stand imaged in clear light before us? It is only when the windows are +curtained, when the mirror is a black gulph and its portraitures +are vague dark shadows, that the beautiful and the noble can pass +undistinguished from the hideous and the vile.</p> +<p class="pnext">If, indeed, the realities not reflected became unrealities, were +annihilated, then there would be some sense in veiling those portions of +the mirror in front of which certain features of our life are exposed. +And if that which sees not could not be seen, it would be very sensible +of the hunted ostrich to hide its head in the sand. But we all know that +in darkness what is filthy and vile grows ever filthier and viler, what +is pure and sweet sickens and decays.</p> +<p class="pnext">“We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we +have done those things which we ought not to have done; and there is no +health in us.”</p> +<p class="pnext">We have suppressed mention of all facts which Bumble would fain ignore, +and utterance of all opinions likely to disturb his sacred peace; we +have canted enough to nauseate the angels, and have continually lied +for God as for a man to pleasure him; so our popular books are fit +for emasculated imbeciles, the <em class="italics">Times</em> is our leading journal, and the +<em class="italics">Daily Telegraph</em> boasts the largest circulation in the world! And +in the meanwhile the police-reports are full of putrid flesh, all +the blue-books are crammed with statistical dry bones; flesh from +the carcases and bones from the skeletons in that mass of death and +corruption under our imperial whited sepulchre.</p> +<p class="pnext">I do not complain of the kitchen-garden literature; many of the +vegetables are very wholesome and savory in their season, very good for +eating to-day and forgetting to-morrow; I complain that in the interest +of kitchen-gardens the rearing of all grander and loftier vegetation, +the growth of secular forest-kings has become almost impossible in +England. The stupidest popular book would not be popular did it not find +a large number of people still more stupid than itself, to whom it is +really entertaining and instructive. These stupid people one does not +blame, one can only pity or envy them according to one’s mood. But +what shall one say of that large number of educated people who are not +stupid, who are familiar with continental literature; who yet, if an +English book appears advocating ideas such as they have been delighted +with in a French or German dress, feign astonishment and horror, and +join with all the poor little curs of Bumbledom in yelping and snarling +at it? These men who know well what they are doing are the accomplices +of Bumble who does not know what he is doing, who fondly fancies that +he is doing something very different, in starving on thin diet and +stupifying with narcotic drugs the intellect of our nation once so +robust and active; and assuredly if the process goes on much longer we +shall come to rank mentally as a third-rate Power in Europe.</p> +<p class="pnext">No intelligent man in England, without (which is a contradiction in +terms) his ideas are exactly coincident with the non-ideas of Bumble, +or without he is rich and independent, can afford to devote himself +to honest treatment of any great religious or social, moral or +philosophical question. If treated in a book, he must himself pay the +expense of publication; if treated in an article, not even by payment +could he get the portals of any popular periodical to open unto him. For +periodicals—newspapers, magazines, reviews—are the Fools’ Paradise +of the commonplace, the mediocre, the orthodox, the respectable. As the +strength of a chain must be measured by its weakest link, so the thought +of a periodical must be measured by the thought of its most imbecile +subscribers. A periodical to live must be a commercial success; the +faintest thrill of new ideas would affect its circulation by shocking +off some of its regular readers; it must suit its articles to the size +of its customers—a very little hat for a very little head, a very +little thought for a very little brain. Thus, though in thinking of +their criticisms I spoke so contemptuously of our critics, I do not +doubt that many of them are much wiser than their articles. The most +honest of them must live by their pen, so they do not attempt to +tell the whole truth though they will not tell a lie; many, however, +undoubtedly are as apt for the sin of commission as for the sin of +omission.</p> +<p class="pnext">A noteworthy instance occurs to me as I write. An eminent English +author, in some respects even a great author, complained that in our +country no one since <em class="italics">Fielding</em> had dared to attempt the full and +faithful portraiture of a man, and he set himself to the task in a work +published by instalments. As he entered upon certain phases of common +virile life, the circulation of the serial began to decrease. This +author was eminent, well-off, much more honest and wise and brave than +ninety-nine authors in a hundred: of course, having begun his work he +would honestly finish it, he would not only tell the truth and nothing +but the truth, he would also tell the whole truth?—he quietly left off +painting the features objected to, finished such as were agreeable to +the public, and said with a cynical scorn (flavored perhaps with some +bitterness of self-scorn), “<em class="italics">So you don’t want to see and hear the +whole truth? Very well!” This author was revered by the great and +noble-hearted Charlotte Brontë; this author was *Thackeray</em>, strong +with all the prestige of <em class="italics">Vanity Fair</em>; he could not think of continuing +a course injurious to his “circulation,” so “Pendennis” is not +almost worthy (as it might, else have been) to stand beside “Un Grande +Homme de Province à Paris” of Balzac.</p> +<p class="pnext">When such is Thackeray, what must be Gigadibs?</p> +<p class="pnext">If I write this rather strongly it is because I feel that I am writing +in the interest of strength and health and purity and freedom, at a time +when the mass of our literature is infected with servile weakness and +disease and that “obscenity, which is ever blasphemy against the +divine beauty in life.” For all obscene things batten on darkness, and +light is fatal to them. But for the Bumble who rules over us, the naked +beauty is obscene and the naked truth is blasphemous; he thinks that the +Venus de Medici came out of Holywell Street, and is inclined to believe +that all the fossil records of geology were forged by the Devil to throw +discredit upon the book of Genesis. One cannot without a keen pang of +shame and rage think of what we are when one remembers what we were, +when one recalls our old and glorious literature, in the wide world +unsurpassed; our literature noble and renowned, ever most glorious when +most manly and daring.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="great-christ-is-dead"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id12">GREAT CHRIST IS DEAD</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1875.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">W</span><span class="dropspan">e</span> have all heard the wonderful story, recounted by Plutarch in his +treatise on the Cessation of the Oracles, how, in the reign of Tiberius +Cæsar, a ship sailing from Greece to Italy was becalmed for the night +at the islet-rock of Paxus in the Ionian Sea, between the Echinades and +Ithaca, when a loud and terrible voice from the land called Thamous the +pilot. And he having responded at the third appeal, “I am here; what +would you with me?” the voice, grown yet louder and more terrible, +commanded him to announce on arriving at Palodes that Pan the Great +was dead. Accordingly, when the vessel reached this place, whose site +I believe the learned have not yet fixed, Thamous stood on the prow +and lifting his voice shoreward cried, “Pan the Great is +dead!”—whereon were heard great moanings and lamentations, +mysterious and multitudinous. Not having Plutarch at hand, I have +refreshed my memory from Rabelais, who repeats this well-authenticated +story by the mouth of Pantagruel, in the twenty-eighth chapter of the +fourth book of his inestimable work, following soon on that tempest of +all tempests wherein Friar John and Panurge so variously distinguished +themselves. The good Pantagruel goes on to expound the story after his +own manner, thinking that it referred not to the heathen god Pan, but to +our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, “ignominiously put to death by the +envy and iniquity of the pontiffs, doctors, presbyters, and monks of the +Mosaic dispensation....”</p> +<p class="pnext">For with good right may he in the Greek tongue be called Pan, seeing +that he is our All; all we are, all we live, all we have, all we +hope, is him, in him, of him, by him. He is the good Pan, the great +Shepherd.... at whose death were moanings, sighs, trepidations and +lamentations in all the machine of the universe, heavens, earth, sea, +hells. With this my interpretation the time agrees. For that most good, +most great Pan, our only Savior, died at Jerusalem, reigning in Rome +Tiberius Caesar.—Pantagruel, these words said, rested in silence and +profound contemplation. A little while after we saw the tears rolling +from his eyes, large as ostrich eggs. I give myself to God if I lie in a +single word.” Notwithstanding the thrilling pathos of this close, and +my deep reverence for Rabelais, with whom no commentator in holy orders +known to me can be compared, except Dean Swift, I am inclined on this +point to follow the ordinary opinion that Pan the great god whose death +was thus miraculously announced was the Pan of the heathen Greeks. +Christ had died, but only <em class="italics">pro tem</em>; had descended into Hell, but with +a return ticket, and simply to harry that realm of Old Harry; in three +days he had risen from the dead, in forty more ascended into Heaven; his +reign had begun and the reign of the old gods was ended; the spirit was +exalted ana the flesh brought low, this world and life were contemned +for the life and world to come; Nature, the All, the great Pan, was +annulled, and the Supernatural Nothing throned supreme. The poets have +chanted this momentous revolution according to their religion, their +phantasy, or their mood. Milton in his Hymn on the Nativity shouts +harsh Puritanical scorn on the oracles stricken dumb, and the deities +overthrown. Shelley in a magnificent chorus of “Hellas,” “Worlds +on worlds are rolling ever,” contests not the justice of their doom, +while in the final chorus he predicts the same doom for their +conqueror in his turn, In our own day Mr. Swinburne in the “Hymn to +Proserpine,” and elsewhere, has bewailed the dead immortals, with +nothing but aversion and contempt for the pale Galilean, the “ghastly +glories of saints, dead limbs of gibbeted gods.” Leopardi an early +poem “To Spring,” beautiful but not of his deepest, regrets the +banished divinities, and since the halls of Olympus are void, appeals +to Nature to restore to his spirit its first fire, if she indeed lives. +Schiller in his “Gods of Greece” passionately laments them; and Mrs. +Browning more passionately answers him, crying, “God himself is the +best Poet, and the Real is his song and the Real we accept perforce +in its fulness, but discern not how it can derive from an unreal God. +Novalis in his “Hymns to the Night” laments with Schiller the +unsouling of Nature, “bound in iron chains by arid number and rigorous +rule;” but goes on to celebrate the resurrection of Humanity in +Christ. Heine in his. “Gods of Greece,” after declaring in his wild +way that he has never loved the old deities, that to him the Greek are +repugnant, and the Romans thoroughly hateful, yet avows that when he +considers how dastardly and windy are the gods who overcame them, the +new reigning sorrowful gods, malignant in their sheep’s, clothing of +humility, he feels ready to fight for the former against these. This +change of the celestial dynasty is indeed a favorite theme with him. +Elsewhere he pictures the Olympians holding high revelry, with nectar +and ambrosia, with Apollonian music and inextinguishable laughter, when +suddenly a wretched Jew staggers in, his brow bleeding from a crown of +thorns, trailing on his shoulder a heavy cross, which he heaves upon +the banquet table; and forthwith the revel is no more, the divine feast +disappears, the everburning lights are quenched, the triumphant gods and +goddesses vanish terror-smitten, dethroned for ever and ever. And again, +in his incomparable “Gods in Exile,” he tells us what became of +these dispersed Olympians during the Dark Ages, in the thick night of +the noontide of Christianity; how they were transformed from celestial +to infernal by the monstrous superstition of that baleful era; as we +find the hoofs and horns of Pan transferred to the Devil himself; as +we find Venus in that legend of Tannhauser which has fascinated so many +poets, as well as great Wagner,—</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +Vénus, ma belle déesse, +Vous êtes diablesse! +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">More than eighteen hundred years have passed since the death of the +great god Pan was proclaimed; and now it is full time to proclaim the +death of the great god Christ. Eighteen hundred years make a fairly long +period even for a celestial dynasty; but this one in its perishing must +differ from all that have perished before it, seeing that no other can +succeed it; the throne shall remain void for ever, the royalty of the +Heavens be abolished. Fate, in the form of Science, has decreed the +extinction of the gods. Mary and her babe must join Venus and Love, Isis +and Horus; living with them only in the world of art. Jesus on his cross +must dwindle to a point, even in the realms of legend under Prometheus +on Caucasus. For ages already the Father has been as spectral as +Jupiter; for ages already the Holy Ghost has been but the shadow of a +shade. And the last, not least, member of the Divine Royal Family, Satan +the Prince of Darkness, Prince of this World, and Prince of the Powers +of the Air, is no more alive than Pluto, who also was born brother to +the Monarch of Heaven. The Hebrew dynasty of the gods is no more; it has +done much evil in its long sovranty, which we will try to forget now it +ceases to reign; it has done some little good, whose remembrance we will +cherish when it is sepulchred, Christ the Great is dead, but Pan the +Great lives again, as Mr. Maccall told us in some lines published in +this paper several years ago. Pan lives, not as a God, but as the All, +Nature, now that the oppression of the Supernatural is removed. I may be +told that Christianity is yet alive and flourishing, that its priesthood +and its churches hold possession of Europe and America and Australia. So +the priesthood and the shrines of the Olympians kept possession of the +Roman Empire centuries after the crucifixion of Jesus. When the spirit +of a faith has departed, that faith is dead, and its burial is only a +question of time. When the noblest hearts worship not at its altars, +when the most vigorous intellects abandon its creeds, the knell of its +doom has rung. At the risk of being thought bigoted or prejudiced, +I must avow that to my mind the decomposition of Christianity is so +offensively manifest and advanced, that, with the exception of a very +few persons whose transcendent genius could throw a glamor of glory over +any creed however crude and mean, and whom I recognise as far above my +judgment, I can no longer give my esteem to any educated man who has +investigated and still professes this, religion, without grave deduction +at the expense of his heart, his intellect, or his conscience, if not of +all three. Miraculous voices are not heard in these days; but everywhere +myriads of natural voices are continually announcing to us, and +enjoining us to announce to others, Great Christ is dead!</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="resurrection-and-ascension-of-jesus"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id13">RESURRECTION AND ASCENSION OF JESUS</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">I</span><span class="dropspan">n</span> reviewing Mr. R. H. Hutton’s Essay on “Christian Evidences, +Popular and Critical,” I was obliged to follow his lead, joining issue +on such pleas as he put forward. Thus with regard to the resurrection of +Jesus, as Mr. Hutton adduced what he thought confirmatory evidence +only from the New Testament itself, I confined myself to showing or +attempting to show that such evidence is unsubstantial. But I could +not consider this argument adequate or conclusive, for there are large +general considerations of incomparably greater importance which it +leaves out altogether. It is as if a case ruled by broad principles of +equity were to be decided on the narrowest technical grounds. Therefore, +while confident that even on these grounds the case must go against the +Christian believer, I wish to add a few words on its wider relations, in +order that the decision may be established, not merely by the letter of +the law, but also by the spirit of justice.</p> +<p class="pnext">We leave thus the torturing of texts in the dim cells of the theological +Inquisition, a process by which almost any confession required can be +and has been wrung from the unfortunate victims, and emerge into the +open daylight of common-sense and reason. And here I venture to assert +that if the story of the resurrection and ascension were recorded of any +other than Jesus in any other sacred book than the Bible, Mr. Hutton and +all other intelligent Christians would not only disbelieve it, but would +not even condescend to investigate it, condemning it offhand as too +preposterous to be worthy of serious attention. Thus, what Christian has +ever deigned to examine critically the marvels affirmed in the Koran, +such as Mohammed’s visit to heaven; although the Koran can be traced +far more surely to the Prophet of Islam than can the Gospels to their +reputed authors, and this Prophet bears a far higher character for +truthfulness than do the early Christians? Nay, what Bibliolater has +ever seriously weighed the evidence for the miracles of his fellow +Christian the great St. Bernard; such as those which are minutely +related and solemnly attested by ten eye-witnesses, men well known and +of unimpeached veracity, and which are thus infinitely better attested +than any miracle in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation?</p> +<p class="pnext">Your enlightened Protestant simply shrugs his shoulders at all such +stories, and says with a superior smile: “Of course, mere imposture +and collusion, or superstition and delusion; no sensible man can afford +to waste his time in weighing that sort of stuff; we don’t think twice +before determining whether the impossible ever really occurred.” +How, then, can this enlightened Protestant receive without question +the miracles of the Jewish books while rejecting without question all +others? We have seen that it cannot be because of any superiority of +evidence for the former, since the evidence for the latter is in many +cases infinitely greater and better authenticated, and since he does not +attempt to weigh evidence before either accepting or rejecting, though +he may seek evidence and argument to confirm what he has already given +himself to believe. He accepts the Jewish miracles simply because they +have come down to him, through many generations of his forefathers, +invested with a glamor of sanctity, and he regards them with the eye of +faith which sees, and sees not, just what it wishes; he rejects +miracles not in the Bible because they come to him without any hallowed +associations, and he regards them with the eye of reason which beholds +the plain facts before it, and neither wishes nor is able to avoid +beholding them.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is worth noting that while our Christian advocates insist with +all their might, such as it is, upon the resurrection of Jesus, they +willingly pass over as lightly as possible, if they do not altogether +ignore, a similar miracle guaranteed by the very same authority. In +Matt, xxvii., 52, 53, it stands recorded among the marvels following the +death of Jesus: “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of +the saints which slept arose, and came out of their graves after his +resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.” +The reader of Shakespeare will remember the prodigies anterior to the +death of Julius Cæsar when—</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> + “The sheeted dead +Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets.” +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">This prodigal multiplicity and superfluity of resurrections seems to +have been not a little embarrassing to modern Christian champions, +though doubtless it did not in the least trouble the primitive +non-scientific believers, to whom nothing was more natural than the +unnatural, including the supernatural and the infranatural. An apologist +of our days who <em class="italics">must</em> affirm the one resurrection, seeing that his +whole religion is based upon it, and who, though valiantly defying +science, seeks to conciliate historical possibility, finds his task +quite heavy enough in accounting for the facts that the risen Jesus +“was seen of above five hundred brethren at once,” and yet that +no record of his rising can be found beyond the limits of the New +Testament. But the difficulties of the poor apologist are enormously +increased if he must further contend that many bodies of the saints +came out of their graves, and went into the holy city, and appeared +unto many, and still there is no external evidence. We are surely at the +utmost limits of the possible in conceiving that Jesus could appear unto +five hundred of the brethren at once (there is no hint elsewhere that he +had so many permanent followers in his lifetime; in Acts i., 15, we +find that there were about one hundred and twenty gathered after the +ascension), without the priests and the Roman officials hearing of the +apparition and investigating it. But if many others rose from their +graves and appeared to many, it is absolutely impossible that anyone +in Jerusalem could be ignorant of the miracle; equally impossible that +Pilate and his officers did not investigate it, and equally impossible +that finding it real he did not report it with the evidence to Rome, +for the Empire was a thoroughly organised State, and the Romans were +a thoroughly practical and business-like people. Once in the imperial +archives, the record of the miracle would have spread everywhere; all +subsequent historians would have related it, all subsequent writers +referred to it. So it is no wonder that, recoiling from these manifold +impossibilities, the Christian advocates prefer to dwell on the one +resurrection as if it were unique, and avoid dwelling on the others +that by the very same testimony immediately followed it. It is very +significant that neither in the Acts nor in the Epistles is there +any allusion to these resurrections. When Peter and the others were +preaching the resurrection of Christ, why did they not adduce and +produce some of these many, risen saints, whose visible, tangible, +living and speaking evidence would have been irresistible?</p> +<p class="pnext">Just as the resurrection of Jesus could be accepted without misgiving by +the non-scientific early Christians, to whom miracles appeared among the +most frequent occurrences of life, so could the ascension. Their earth +was a plane, vaulted by the sky, lamped by the little sun and moon and +stars; above this vault was Heaven, where their God dwelt enthroned; +they knew nothing of the law of gravitation; their Christ, standing in +the flesh on the Mount of Olives, floated up through this vault to sit +enthroned beside his Father in the most natural supernatural manner. We +can conceive and sympathise with this simple faith; but it is hard +to conceive and sympathise with the blind faith, which seems wilfully +blind, of the modem educated Christians. It has been often remarked that +Copernicus and Kepler and Newton have destroyed all the old mythologies, +including of course the mythology of both the Old and New Testaments. +With the earth no longer the universe of mortal life, between a Heaven +above its domed firmament and a Hades like a vast dungeon beneath, but +a quite infinitesimal grain of sand involved by an infinitesimal drop +of dew, floating and revolving in an ocean of space boundless in heighth +and depth and breadth, amidst innumerable other spherules, most of +which visible are very much greater than itself, and at inconceivable +distances from it; with man no longer the lord of the creation, for +whose service all things were made, but an animalcule inexpressibly +small, living for a moment inexpressibly brief, with limitless time +before his beginning and limitless time beyond his end; the Christian +mythology and system, among others, because ineffably absurd. Where is +the Heaven for its God? where the Hell for its Devil? Where is above? +Where beneath? Whence came the winged angels, with their wrings which +would not enable them to fly?</p> +<p class="pnext">If Jesus had ascended and continued to ascend with the speed of light, +he might be ascending now and go 011 ascending for millions and millions +of years, and still not reach a heavenly region beyond the range of our +telescopes I And think of the scheme of the Atonement in the system of +the universe, as we are learning to know it now—try to conceive an +infinite and eternal God of this infinite and eternal Whole sacrificing +his only son for the salvation of us most insignificant insects on our +most insignificant earth! The immense conceptions of science dwarf +these petty conceptions of mythology to a littleness which reduces +them beneath consideration, which in our days reduces them even beneath +contempt.</p> +<p class="pnext">Naturally the churches have always hated and resisted science, and the +theologians have seldom dared to face its conclusions. They ignore the +immensities, and confine their vision to the pages of a single book, to +a history whose chronology counts not six thousand years. But, as I have +remarked, even this minute field they cannot hold against the sceptic, +who has made them abandon all the rest of the universe. Why did their +risen Lord only slink about among his own disciples, appearing to these +but at flying instants: why did he not, with his well-known features +and with the wounds of the nails and the spear in his body, confront the +chief priests and Pilate and the whole of Jerusalem, and compel them to +acknowledge and bear enduring witness to his resurrection? Why did he +not summon all the people from the highest to the lowest to the solemn +spectacle of his ascension, securing multitudinous and permanently +recorded evidence such as none of us could doubt? We might go on asking +Why? and Why? and Why? in this fashion on a hundred points, confident +that to not one of our questions could the Christian apologist give a +straightforward and satisfactory answer. As the scheme of the Atonement +is presented to us, God sacrificed his only son that all mankind might +be saved through belief in him; yet not merely neglected to secure +trustworthy evidence and certain record of this supreme fact and the +miracles attesting it, but adopted every means possible to make the +evidence untrustworthy, the record uncertain, the miracles and the +sacrifice incredible.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="some-muslim-laws-and-beliefs"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id14">SOME MUSLIM LAWS AND BELIEFS</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> following notes are drawn from E. W. Lane’s charming and +instructive “Manners and Customs of the Modem Egyptians” (fifth and +standard ed., 1860), a worthy companion to Sir Gardner Wilkinson’s +book on the Ancient Egyptians, and written about forty years since, +before steam-communication had materially changed that people. The +muédoins, whose summons to prayer is one of the few audible charms of +the East to a western, are generally chosen from the blind, in order +that the harems and terraces of houses may not be overlooked from the +minarets. <em class="italics">Our</em> callers to prayer are generally blind also; but this is +because few clearsighted men will in these days accept the office. The +imams or priests and other religious officials are all paid from the +funds of their respective mosques, and not by any contributions exacted +from the people: a lesson to us with our State Church. The imâms have +no authority above other persons, and enjoy no respect save for reputed +learning and piety; they are not a distinct order of men set apart for +the ministry, but may resign or be displaced, losing with the office +the title of imâm; they chiefly obtain their living by other means than +service in the mosque (for which their salaries are as a rule only +about a shilling a month), many of them being tradesmen: here surely are +several good lessons for us. The mosques are open all day, and the great +mosque El-Azhar all night; the Muslims have great reverence for them, +yet in many of the larger ones persons lounge, chat, eat, sleep, spit, +sew, etc.: another lesson to us with our churches nearly always closed +and useless. The Muslim does not abstain from business on the Friday, +his Sabbath, except during the time of prayer, and for this he has the +authority of the Kur-ân: when will our bigoted Sabbatarians learn so +much liberal wisdom from him? The Prophet did not forbid women to attend +public prayers in the mosques, but pronounced it better for them to pray +in private; in Cairo they are not admitted to the public prayers, +it being thought that their presence would inspire a wrong sort of +devotion. The result is that few women in Egypt pray at all. If ours +were in like case, how many churches and chapels would attract large +congregations? The Egyptians, like the modern Arabs, are not a truthful +people, but there are some oaths which few would falsely take; such +as swearing three times by “God the Great,” or on a copy of the +Kur-ân “By what this contains of the word of God!”—I wonder +whether the Christian Englishmen are few who falsely swear by God and on +the Bible. Mr. Lane witnessed many instances of forbearance in persons +of the middle and lower classes when grossly insulted; and often heard +an Egyptian say on receiving a blow from an equal, “God bless thee,” +“God requite thee good,” “Beat me again”: how many of the +Christians obey in like manner one of the plainest precepts of Christ? +In general a quarrel terminates by one or both of them saying “Justice +is against me”; often after this they recite together the first +chapter of the Kur-ân; and then, sometimes, embrace and kiss one +another. If a similar custom prevailed here there would be little +serious quarrelling; for the men would all avoid disputes save with +pretty girls and charming women, and would always make it up very +quickly with them. The Muslim believes that there have been six great +Prophets and Apostles—Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Mohammed; +each of whom received a revealed law or system of religion and morality, +each of the first five abrogated and superseded by the next, though all +were the same in essentials. Thus the Jews from the time of Moses to +that of Christ, and the Christians (if they did not accept the corrupt +and idolatrous doctrine of the divinity of Jesus) from the time of +Christianity to that of Mohammed, were true believers. Of course the +last is the greatest Prophet, and since his revelation the Muslims only +have been the faithful. The Pentateuch, Psalms and Gospels, though of +divine origin, have been so much altered as to contain very little of +the true Word of God; but the Kur-ân is supposed to have suffered +no essential change whatever. Jesus was born of a pure virgin by the +miraculous operation of God, without any father human or divine. When he +had fulfilled the object of his mission, he was taken up to God from the +Jews who sought to slay him, and another man, on whom God had stamped +the likeness of Jesus, was crucified in his stead. He will come again +upon earth, to establish the Muslim religion and perfect peace and +security, after having killed Anti-Christ, and to be a sign of the +approach of the last day. In all these doctrines the Muslims are +decidedly more consistent and liberal, as well as somewhat less +superstitious than the Christians, with their God-man and trinity +in unity, their damnation of Mohammed as a mere impostor and of his +religion, El Islam, as a vile fabrication of stolen materials. “The +Egyptians pay a superstitious reverence not to imaginary beings alone: +they extend it to certain individuals of their own species; and often to +those who are justly the least entitled to such respect. An <em class="italics">idiot</em> or a +<em class="italics">fool</em> is vulgarly regarded by them as a being whose mind is in heaven, +while his grosser part mingles among ordinary mortals; consequently, +he is considered an especial favorite of heaven. Whatever enormities +a reputed saint may commit (and there are many who are constantly +infringing precepts of their religion) such acts do not affect his fame +for sanctity: for they are considered as the results of the abstraction +of his mind from worldly things; his soul, or reasoning faculties, +being wholly absorbed in devotion, so that his passions are left without +control. Lunatics who are dangerous to society are kept in confinement; +but those who are harmless are generally regarded as saints. <em class="italics">Most +of the reputed saints of Egypt are either lunatics, or idiots, or +impostors.</em>” wonder whether this applies at all, and if it does, to +what extent, to the countless saints of our Most Holy Catholic Church +of Christendom. In Egypt, as in other countries of the East, Muslims, +Christians, and Jews adopt each other’s superstitions, while they +abhor the leading doctrines of each other’s faith. “In sickness, the +Muslim sometimes employs Christian and Jewish priests to pray for him: +the Christians and Jews, in the same predicament, often call in Muslim +saints for the like purpose!” So much human nature is there in man, +not to speak of woman. The Muslims profoundly reverence the Kur-ân, yet +will quote it on the most trivial occasions in jest as well as on the +most important in earnest. They are generally fond of conversing on +religion among themselves; and the most prevalent mode of entertaining +a party of guests among the higher middle classes, in Cairo, is the +recital of the whole of the Kur-ân, which is chanted by special persons +hired for the purpose, or other religious exercises. This chanting +of the Kur-ân takes up about nine hours. When will our fashionable +Bibliolaters issue invitations for the treat of hearing poor curates or +scripture readers intone the whole of the Bible, or even so much of it +at a time as might be got through in nine hours? When, oh when?</p> +<p class="pnext">Ladies will learn with approval that it is thought improper, and even +disreputable, for a man to be single. Mr. Lane was a bachelor during his +first two visits to Egypt; and in the former of these, having to change +his residence, engaged another house. The lease was duly signed and some +money paid in advance, but the inhabitants of the neighborhood (who were +mostly descendants of the Prophet) would not have an unmarried man in +their midst. The agent said they would gladly admit him if he would but +purchase a female slave, thus redeeming himself from the opprobrium of +not possessing a wife of some sort. He managed to secure a house in a +less scrupulous quarter, but had to engage that no creature wearing a +hat should visit him. The Sheykh or chief of this quarter often urged +him to marry; Lane objected that he intended to live in Egypt only a +year or two longer. The Sheykh answered, with great moral force and +earnestness, that a handsome young widow a few doors off would be glad +to marry him, on the express understanding that he should divorce her on +going away; while of course he could do so earlier if she did not +suit him. Now this young widow, in spite of her religion and veil, had +several times contrived (the Sage saith that there is nothing a woman +cannot contrive, except to refrain from contriving) to let our Oriental +Englishman catch a glimpse of her very pretty face; and the miserable +bachelor was reduced to plead that she was the very last woman he would +like to marry <em class="italics">pro tempore</em>, for he felt sure that once wed he could +never make up his mind to part with her. Doubtless all our single men, +and especially our Christian young men, would much rather be deemed +disreputable and denied decent lodgings than establish their character +for virtue and respectability by buying female slaves, however cheap, or +marrying nice young widows divorcible at pleasure!</p> +<p class="pnext">As to polygamy, Mr. Lane remarks that it can only be defended as +preventing a greater immorality than it occasions; and that Mohammed, +like Moses, did not introduce but limited and regulated it. The +ancient Egyptians had but one wife each, though they might have slave +concubines. Polygamy, however, is rare, and rarer among the upper and +middle classes than the lower; “I believe that not more than one +husband in twenty has two wives.” The mere sentence, “I give myself +up to thee,” uttered by a female to a man who proposes to become her +husband (even without the presence of witnesses, if none can easily be +procured) renders her his legal wife if arrived at puberty. A man +may divorce his wife twice, and each time take her back without any +ceremony, unless she has paid for it by resigning the reserved third of +the dowry, furniture, etc.; but if he divorces her the third time, or +puts her away by a triple divorce conveyed in one sentence, he cannot +receive her again until she has been, married and divorced by another +husband, who must have consummated his marriage with her. To divorce +her, he simply has to say, “Thou art divorced,” or “I divorce +thee”; but the woman cannot separate herself from her husband against +his will, unless it be for some considerable fault on his side, such +as cruel treatment or neglect. The facility of divorce has depraving +effects, upon both sexes. Many men in the course of ten years have +married twenty, thirty, or more wives; and women not far advanced in age +have been wives to a dozen or more successively. “I have heard of men +who have been in the habit of marrying a new wife almost every month.” +But such conduct is generally regarded as very disgraceful; and few +persons in the upper or middle classes would give a daughter in marriage +to a person who had divorced many wives.</p> +<p class="pnext">The women deem it more incumbent to cover the upper and back part of +the head than the face; and more requisite to conceal the face than most +parts of the person. Many among the lower classes never conceal their +faces; women may often be seen with nothing but a narrow strip of rag +round the hips. The face-veils have the advantage of leaving the eyes +visible, which are generally the most beautiful of the features; fine +figures being more common than altogether handsome faces; though some +faces are of a beauty distinguished by such sweetness of expression that +they seem the perfection of female loveliness, “and impressed me at +the time with the idea that their equal could not be found in any other +country.” The women of Cairo are less strictly guarded than in most +Eastern lands; wives are proud of the restraint as showing that the +husbands value them highly, looking upon themselves as hidden treasures. +To such an absurd extent do Muslims carry their feeling of the +sacredness of women that entrance into the tombs of some women is +forbidden to men; and a man and woman are never buried in the same +vault, without a wall between them—as if their very corpses might +get up to mischief. For adultery on the part of the woman the Kur-ân +prescribes death by stoning, but drowning is generally substituted. +Unless detected by an officer of justice <em class="italics">four eye-witnesses are +required</em>; failing these, the accuser is to be scourged with eighty +stripes. This extraordinary law is traced to an accusation of adultery +against the Prophet’s favorite wife “Aïsheh,” who was thus +absolved from punishment, and subsequent revelations established her +innocence. If we had a similar law here we might close our Divorce +Court. If a husband without any witnesses accuses his wife of adultery, +he must swear four times by God that he speaks the truth, and the fifth +time imprecate God’s curse on himself if he is a liar; but the wife +can counterbalance this by swearing four times by God that he is a liar, +and the fifth time imprecating God’s wrath on herself if he speaks the +truth. The commentators and lawyers have agreed that in this dilemma the +marriage must be dissolved. When a peasant woman is found to have been +unfaithful to her husband, in general he or her brother throws her into +the Nile, with a stone tied to her neck; or cuts her to pieces and +then throws these into the river. In most instances a father or brother +punishes in the same manner an unmarried daughter or sister who has been +guilty of incontinence. These relatives are considered more disgraced +than the husband by the crime of the woman; and are often despised if +they do not thus punish her. Women in easy circumstances are put to bed +for from three to six days after childbirth; but poor women in the same +case seldom take to bed at all, and after a day or two resume their +ordinary occupations, if these do not require great exertion.</p> +<p class="pnext">The law of inheritance is remarkable in two respects; primogeniture is +not privileged, and in most cases the share of a female is half that +of a male in the same degree of relationship. A debtor is only kept +imprisoned for debt if he cannot prove himself insolvent; but if able, +he may be made work out what he owes. Apostacy from the faith is death +if not recanted on three warnings. Blasphemy against God or any of the +Great Prophets, whether repented or not, is instant death: on the ground +that apostacy or infidelity is but ignorance and misjudgment, while +blasphemy shows utter depravity. If Christians blaspheming Mohammed were +punished as are Muslims blaspheming Christians, what a number of our +enlightened clerical teachers would have died the death of malefactors!</p> +<p class="pnext">The Copts, or descendants of the ancient Egyptians, said to number about +150,000, are Christians, but scarcely a credit to that religion whose +votaries boast of its civilising and elevating character. The fact is +that in advanced countries the Christianity has been civilised by the +Secularism, not the Secularism by the Christianity; in countries where +the sciences and arts are stationary or retrograde, Christianity proves +that it has in itself no motive-power, and is generally even more +degraded than the other superstitions around it. Mr. Lane almost +despaired of learning anything about these Copts, until he had the good +fortune to become acquainted with a character of which he had doubted +the existence—a Copt of a liberal as well as an intelligent mind. +They hate the Greeks and all other Christians not of their own sect much +worse than they hate the Muslims themselves. The priests are supported +only by alms or by their own industry. Their language is a dead one. +They pray seven times a day, in the course of these reciting the whole +Book of Psalms, as well as chapters of the Bible, prayers, etc.: a fine +example to their lax co-religionists here. They have long and arduous +fasts. In spite or because of all this, they bear a very bad character +as sullen, avaricious, abominable dissemblers, cringing or domineering +according to circumstances. The one respectable Copt discovered by Lane +admitted that they are generally ignorant, faithless, worldly, sensual, +and drunken; he declared that the Patriarch was a tyrant and suborner +of false witnesses; that the monks and priests in Cairo are seen every +evening begging and asking the loan of money, which they never repay, at +the houses of their parishioners and other acquaintances, and procuring +brandy if possible wherever they call. So much for our esteemed +fellow-Christians in Egypt, descendants of what in heathen times was +long the foremost nation in the world.</p> +<p class="pnext">“Women are not to be excluded from paradise, according to the faith +of El Islam; though it has been asserted by many Christians, that the +Muslims believe women to have no soul. In several places in the Kur-ân, +Paradise is promised to all true believers.” They will be admitted by +God’s mercy on account of their faith, not of their good works; but +their felicity there will be proportioned to their good works. The very +meanest male in Paradise is promised eighty thousand beautiful youths +as servants, and seventy-two wives of the daughters of Paradise. These +celestial virgins we commonly call houris, but learned and accurate +Mr-Lane terms them hooreeyehs, vividly suggesting that the Muslim saints +burst into rapturous and prolonged hoorays on first perceiving them. +He may also have the wives he had here below, if he wants them; and +doubtless the good will desire the good. On behalf of the earthly fair +sex, I must emphatically protest against this part of the heavenly +arrangements. How do we know that the good husband will desire the good +wife, however good, when he has two-and-seventy maidens of Paradise +all to himself? The trust that he will, cannot be trusted; it is +a perfidious consolation to poor women. No wonder Muslim wives are +obsequious, when it depends on the will, pleasure or caprice of their +husbands whether they shall be re-married in the other world or not. +Mrs. Caudle herself would scarcely hazard a curtain lecture with this +atrocious alternative in prospect. Try to fancy being an old-maid or +grass-widow for ever and ever where all the men are very much married, +having six dozen wives each at the very lowest! Such a heaven to a good +woman were ten times crueller than hell. When the Muslim women have been +aroused to a sense of their rights, they will insist on being treated +in the next world on equal terms with the men: the meanest woman of +the faithful (supposing any woman can be mean) shall have her eighty +thousand beautiful servants, and her seventy-two husbands of the youths +of Paradise, resplendent, adoring, ever obedient. This settled first, +it will be a question for consideration between herself and her terrene +spouse whether they shall combine their several establishments, or +agree to be divorced by death. But I digress; women always lead us into +digressions, only these are usually much more interesting than the +dusty high-road along which it is our business to trudge. The meanest +of Muslims will further have a very large tent bejewelled with pearls, +jacinths and emeralds. He will be waited on by three hundred attendants +while he eats, and served in dishes of gold, whereof three hundred shall +be set before him at once, each containing a different kind of food, +“the last morsel of which will be as grateful as the first.” This +absence of satiety, this ever-fresh vigor, I believe, is to mark all +his enjoyments, however freely he may indulge in them. Though wine is +forbidden in this life, he may drink of it <em class="italics">ad libitum</em> in the next, and +the wine of Paradise doth not inebriate. He shall have perpetual youth, +and as many children as he may desire. He shall be ravished with the +songs of the angel Israfeel, “whose heart-strings are a lute, and who +has the sweetest voice of all God’s creatures.” I really cannot go +on; my feelings are too much for me. I remember when young being +taught to sing (or rather to squall; for my voice could never have +been mistaken for that of the angel Isrâfeel, even by a frequenter of +revival meetings or music halls):</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +“I thank the goodness and the grace (grays?) + Which on my birth have smiled, +And made me in these Christian days (dace?) + A happy English child.’* +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">But now that I am a man, this same consideration fills me with bitterest +sorrow and anguish, so that I am ready to bellow:</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +I curse the evil and disgrace + Which have my birth defiled, +Who would have been in other case + A happy Muslim child! +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">Yea, when I contrast these glowing and glorious prospects held out +to the faithful by the Kur-ân, with the everlasting singing in white +night-gowns, amidst the howling of elders and composite beasts all over +eyes (what our Heine terms “all the menagerie of the Apocalypse”), +in adoration of a God like a jasper and sardine stone to look upon, and +of a Lamb with seven horns and seven eyes; then do I wring my hands +and beat my breast and tear my hair, sighing and sobbing, moaning and +groaning, weeping and lamenting most piteously—Alas! and alas! and +alas! why was I bom in a Christian land and reared for the Christian +Heaven? Would that I had been born among the Muslims and brought up in +the faith of El Islâm! So should I be now looking forward (for from +such a generous faith never, never would I have lapsed) unto a Paradise +worthy of the name; revelling in anticipations of four-score thousand +servants, uncloying courses of three hundred dishes, unlimited strong +wine without inebriation, six-dozen wives of the refulgent celestial +virgins, aging not themselves, aging not me; perpetual youth, unsating +and unexhausting raptures, for ever, and ever, and ever; and instead of +having to sing my own throat hoarse, I should have the angel Isrâfeel +to sing for me. Ah, dear God! Thou most Compassionate! Thou most +Bountiful! Thou to whom all things are possible! grant that I may even +yet be converted from a doleful Christian infidel into a blessed Muslim +true believer! O God the All-merciful, save me from the terrors +and tortures of our Sankey and Moody Christian heaven! O God the +All-gracious, let me lie secure in the arms of six-dozen hooreeyehs of +Paradise of El Islam! Amen, and Amen.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-christian-world-and-the-secularist"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id15">THE CHRISTIAN WORLD AND THE SECULARIST</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> <em class="italics">Christian World</em> of the 1st inst. has another note on the article +on “Some Muslim Laws and Beliefs.” As Mr. Foote responded to the +first note on behalf of the <em class="italics">Secularist</em>, I, as the author of the +obnoxious article, which was mainly mere compilation from the work of a +Christian scholar and gentleman, may say a few words on my own behalf in +reply to the second, which is as follows:—</p> +<p class="pnext">“A correspondent writes:—In your ‘Notes by the Way’ last week +there is a painful, though not unseasonable, quotation from a writer +on ‘Muslim Laws and Beliefs.’ This, as coming from a Secularist, +is deplorable enough. It is very much more so that the late Viscount +Amberley, a son of a veteran statesman, should in his ‘Analysis of +Religious Belief,’ which might indeed more justly be termed ‘A +Panegyric of all Heathen Beliefs, and a Travesty of that of the +Christian,’ have given a like description of the paradise of the +Koran, and should have sneeringly told us that the Christian Scriptures, +in their pictures of the heavenly life, ‘<em class="italics">strangely overlook this +enjoyment</em>’ of ‘ever virgins’ never growing old, who are to +‘supply the faithful with the pleasure of love’ (vide Vol. II., p. +200). This is but a specimen of the disdainful and derisive tone with +which this writer, who at length leaves himself stranded in a region +of the dreariest Atheism, continually speaks of that Book which what he +terms ‘the illusions of our younger days’ might have taught him o +respect.”</p> +<p class="pnext">I do not doubt that the quotation was painful to the Christian +correspondent, since it is always painful to have our lifelong +prejudices shocked by those who have never shared them, or who have +attained freedom from their yoke. One might give not a few quotations +from any number of the <em class="italics">Christian World</em> which would be very painful to +a pious Muslim. Nor do I doubt that the quotation was not unseasonable, +for quotations from the <em class="italics">Secularist</em> must always be seasonable in an +influential Christian periodical, when they tend to expand the Christian +narrowness, and show that there is much to be said in favor of other +beliefs. And I admit that, like many other things coming from a +Secularist, it must have been deplorable enough to a Christian suckled +on the Bible, and assured in his unreflecting ignorance that it is the +one true word of the three-in-one true god. But the correspondent finds +it very much more deplorable that a son of a veteran statesman should +agree with the Secularist—as if the sons of veteran statesmen +were naturally expected to be sunk deeper than other persons in the +prevailing superstition. The correspondent who, we may presume, has +always been taught, and has never doubted, that all heathen beliefs are +wholly devilish, and that the Christian belief is wholly divine, thinks +that Viscount Amberley’s book is a panegyric of the former and a +travesty of the latter. If the unfortunate correspondent had the courage +and intelligence to enter upon a real analysis of religious belief, he +would soon discover that he and his co-religionists have been all +along travestying every form of what they call heathenism. With amusing +simplicity he is astonished that Lord Amberley gives a like description +of the paradise of the Kur-ân to that which I gave in the <em class="italics">Secularist</em>, +as if he could have been accurate in giving any other, when mine was +drawn from one of the most careful and accurate of writers, the Oriental +Englishman, unequalled in his knowledge of Arabic literature and life! +Why, in the very week following the attack on the <em class="italics">Secularist</em>, the +<em class="italics">Christian World’s</em> twin sister, the <em class="italics">Literary World</em> (perhaps incited +thereto by its study of our vilified paper), showed that it had been +reading or dipping into Lane, by an article on him under the queer title +of “A Man of One Book,” he being distinguished for three—“The +Manners and Customs of the Modem Egyptians,” the translation of +the “Arabian Nights,” with its peerless notes, and the monumental +“Arabic Lexicon”; and the said queerly-named article echoed the +general praise of his thoroughness and accuracy, and repeated the +statement of those who knew him, that he was a deeply pious man. I am +not concerned with the defence of Lord Amberley, and shall therefore not +follow further the correspondent’s remarks on his book, save to note +that a man who says that any such writer “leaves himself stranded in +a region of the dreariest Atheism,” proves himself by this one phrase +utterly incompetent to study that word or understand its subject matter; +and, as ignorant and incapable, had better confine himself to the +Sunday-school, the Young Men’s Christian Association, the religious +tea-meeting, and street-corner raving.</p> +<p class="pnext">It may be as well to say something on my own account, in addition to +the vigorous remarks of Mr. Foote, in reply to the first note of the +<em class="italics">Christian World</em>, and vindication of the passage it impugned. And +first, as to the Book of Revelation, which claims to be prophetic, and +stands in our Bible as the work of St. John the Divine. Luther, indeed, +who was not afraid to pass an independent judgment, said, “I look upon +the revelation as neither apostolic nor prophetic;” but it is received +as both by our English Protestants, and continually referred to by them +as the record of a genuine and authentic vision. But I assert, without +fear of contradiction, that if they had never known it, and some +missionary brought home an account of its marvels as belonging to the +faith of some Polynesian islanders, they would be filled with wonder +and compassion at the monstrous superstitions of those poor heathen +barbarians. Yes, Exeter Hall and the readers and writers of the +<em class="italics">Christian World</em> itself, would assuredly invoke help to enlighten the +degraded idolaters who believed in a heaven whose God was to look upon +like a jasper and a sardine; in the midst of whose throne, and round +about whose throne, were four beasts—a lion, a calf, a man-faced +monster, an eagle—each with six wings, and full of eyes before and +behind and within; which beasts never rested day nor night from +saying, “Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty;” and which, moreover, +worshipped a lamb with seven horns and seven eyes—a figment more +extravagant than the many-headed and many-armed idols of India. And so +with the other enormities of the Apocalypse. Our civilised gentlemen of +the <em class="italics">Christian World</em> can only believe that they believe these things, +because hallowed associations and unreflecting faith blind their +judgment to the obvious absurdity of the imagery and the conspicuous +non-fulfilment of the prophecy, which again and again claims to announce +events then at hand, to come quickly.</p> +<p class="pnext">In the next place I assert that the everlasting monotonous singing of +the praises of the lamb, the interminable senseless routine, is not +a whit more spiritual, while infinitely less alluring, than the +occupations of the Mohammedan Paradise. If it be answered that +enlightened Christians have nobler ideas of heaven, I reply that +such anticipations are not warranted by the New Testament, and that +magnanimous Muslims have also nobler anticipations of paradise, for +which there is warrant in the Kur-ân. And while on the subject of +spirituality, I may remark that the pure monotheism of the Muslim and +the Jew is immensely more spiritual, as well as more rational, than +the monotritheism of the Christian, which not only deifies a man, but +juggles with a so-called mystery that cannot be expressed in words +without self-contradiction, cannot be conceived in thought, and, by the +confession of its own apologists, defies reason.</p> +<p class="pnext">As to the “hysterical buffoonery,” I have yet to learn that there is +anything hysterical in a jolly burst of Rabelaisian laughter. And as to +the “poor hollow mockery,” I can assure the writer in the <em class="italics">Christian +World</em> that the mockery was quite rich, sound and genuine in relation +to the Apocalypse of his idolised book and the popular Protestant Moody +and Sankey heaven. (By the bye, can anyone inform us whether Mr. Sankey +is really a Jew, and not a Christian Jew, as I have heard positively +asserted on Hebrew authority?) As to the “blasphemous irreverence” +and the “horrible and blasphemous invocation,” I deny the +possibility of blasphemy where there is no belief. A man may blaspheme +that which he accounts worthy of reverence, because in speaking evil of +it he violates his own convictions and holiest feelings. But if for me +there is no God, how can I blaspheme him? Speaking contemptuously of +him, I but contemn nothing. If the writer in the <em class="italics">Christian World</em> were +accused of blasphemy for reviling Jupiter and Venus, Brahma and Vishnu, +Baal and Moloch, the Goddess of Reason and Mumbo Jumbo, he would reply, +I cannot blaspheme false gods, meaning simply gods in whom he has no +faith. Just so,</p> +<p class="pnext">I say that I cannot blaspheme the trinity-in-unity of the Christian, +which to me is non-existent, absurd, impossible. It would be well for +the writers and readers of the <em class="italics">Christian World</em> to ponder these things.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-athanasian-creed"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id16">THE ATHANASIAN CREED</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1865.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">O</span><span class="dropspan">n</span> Christmas day, as on all other chief holidays of the year, the +ministers and congregations of our National Church have had the noble +privilege and pleasure of standing up and reciting the creed commonly +called of St. Athanasius. The question of the authorship does not +concern us here, but a note of Gibbon (chapter 37) is so brief and +comprehensive that we may as well cite it:—“But the three +following truths, however strange they may seem, are <em class="italics">now</em> universally +acknowledged. 1. St. Athanasius is not the author of the creed which +is so frequently read in our churches. 2. It does not appear to have +existed within a century after his death. 3. It was originally composed +in the Latin tongue, and consequently in the western provinces. +Gennadius, patriarch of Constantinople, was so much amazed by this +extraordinary composition, that he frankly pronounced it to be the +work of a drunken man.” (This Gennadius, by the bye, is the same whom +Gibbon mentions two or three times afterwards in the account of the +siege and conquest of Constantinople by the Turks, a.d. 1453).</p> +<p class="pnext">Whoever elaborated the Creed, and whether he did it drunk or sober, the +Church of England has made it thoroughly her own by adoption.</p> +<p class="pnext">Yet it must be admitted that many good churchmen, and perhaps even a few +churchwomen, have not loved this adopted child of their Holy Mother as +warmly as their duty commanded. The intelligently pious</p> +<p class="pnext">Tillotson wishes Mother Church well rid of the bantling; and poor George +the Third himself, with all his immense genius for orthodoxy, could not +take kindly to it. He was willing enough to repeat all its expressions +of theological faith—in fact, their perfect nonsense, their obstinate +irrationality, must have been exquisitely delightful to a brain such +as his; but he was not without a sort of vulgar manhood, even +when worshipping in the Chapel Royal, and so rather choked at its +denunciations—“for it do curse dreadful.” He could keep the faith +whole and undefiled by reason, yet did not like to assert that all who +had been and were and should in future be in this particular less happy +than himself, must without doubt perish everlastingly.</p> +<p class="pnext">On the other hand one of our most liberal Churchmen, Mr. Maurice, has +argued that this creed is essentially merciful, and that its retention +in the Book of Common Prayer is a real benefit. Mr. Maurice, however, as +we all know, interprets “perish everlastingly” into a meaning very +different from that which most members of the Church accept. And his +opinions lose considerably in weight from the fact that no man save +himself can infer any one of them from any other. For example, if +you are cheered up a bit by his notions as to “Eternal” and +“Everlasting,” you are soon depressed again by his pervading +woefulness. Of all the rulers we hear of—the ex-king of Naples, the +king of Prussia, the Elector of Hesse-Cassel, Abraham Lincoln, and the +Pope included—the poor God of Mr. Maurice is the most to be pitied: a +God whose world is in so deplorable a state that the good man who owns +Him lives in a perpetual fever of anxiety and misery in endeavoring to +improve it for Him.</p> +<p class="pnext">What part of this creed shocks the pious who are shocked at all by +it? Simply the comprehensive damnation it deals out to unbelievers, +half-believers, and all except whole believers. For we do not hear that +the pious are shocked by the confession of theological or theoillogical +faith itself. Their reverence bows and kisses the rod, which we cool +outsiders might fairly have expected to be broken up and flung out of +doors in a fury of indignation. Their sinful human nature is shocked +on account of their fellow-men; their divine religious nature is not +shocked on account of their God: yet does not the creed use God as badly +as man?</p> +<p class="pnext">A chemist secures some air, and analyses it into its ultimate +constituents, and states with precise numerals the proportions of +oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid therein. Just so the author of this +creed secures the Divinity and analyses it into Father, Son, and Holy +Ghost, and just as precisely he reports the relations of these. A +mathematician makes you a problem of a certain number divided into three +parts in certain ratios to each other and to the sum, from which ratios +you are to deduce the sum and the parts. Just so the author of this +creed makes a riddle of his God, dividing him into three persons, from +whose inter-relations you are to deduce the Deity. An anatomist gets +hold of a dead body and dissects it exposing the structure and functions +of the brain, the lungs, the heart, etc. Just so the author of this +creed gets possession of the corpse of God (He died of starvation doing +slop-work for Abstraction and Company; and the dead body was purveyed +by the well-known resurrectionist Priestcraft), and cuts it open and +expounds the generation and functions of its three principal organs. But +the chemist does not tell us that oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid +are three gases and yet one gas, that each of them is and is not common +air, that they have each peculiar and yet wholly identical properties; +the mathematician does not tell us that each of the three parts of his +whole number is equal to the whole, and equal to each of the others, +and yet less than the whole and unequal to either of the others; the +anatomist does not tell us that brain and lungs and heart are each +distinct and yet all the same in substance, structure, and function, and +that each is in itself the whole body and at the same time is not: while +the author of this creed does tell us analogous contradictions of +the three members and the whole of his God. And the chemist, the +mathematician, and the anatomist do not damn us (except, perhaps, by +way of expletive at our stupidity) if we fail to understand and believe +their enunciations; but the author of this creed very seriously and +solemnly damns to everlasting perdition all who cannot put faith in his. +In other words, the chemist, the mathematician and the anatomist try to +be as reasonable and tolerant as human nature can hope to be; while the +author of this creed aims at and manages to reach an almost superhuman +unreason and intolerance.</p> +<p class="pnext">Giving him the full benefit of this difference, the fact remains that +in other respects he treats his subject just as they treat theirs. He, a +pious Christian, professing unbounded adoration and awe of his Divinity, +coolly analyses and makes riddles of and dissects this Divinity as if it +were a sample of air, a certain number, a dead body. This humble-minded +devotee, who knows so well that he is finite and that God is infinite, +and that the finite cannot conceive, much less comprehend, much less +express the infinite, yet expounds this Infinite with the most complete +and complacent knowledge, turns it inside out and upside down, tells us +all about it, cuts it up into three parts, and then glues it together +again with a glue that has the tenacity of atrocious wrongheadeduess +instead of the coherence of logic, puts his mark upon it, and says, +“This is the only genuine thing in the God line. If you are taken +in by any other, why, go and be damned;” and having done all this, +finishes by chanting “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to +the Holy Ghost!” And the pious are not shocked by what they should +abhor as horrible sacrilege and blasphemy; they are shocked only by +the “Go, and be damned,” which is the prologue and epilogue of the +blasphemy. Were the damnatory clauses omitted, it appears that even the +most devout worshippers could comfortably chant the “Glory be to the +Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost” immediately after they +had been thus degrading Father, Son, and Holy Ghost to the level and +beneath the level of their low human understanding. And these very +people are horrified by the lack of veneration in Atheists and infidels! +What infidel ever dealt with God more contemptuously and blasphemously +than this creed has dealt with him? Can it be expected that sane and +sensible men, who have out-grown the prejudices sucked in with their +mothers’ milk, will be reconverted to reverence a Deity whom his +votaries dare to treat in this fashion?</p> +<p class="pnext">Ere we conclude, it may be as well to anticipate a probable objection. +It may likely enough be urged that the author and reciters cf the creed +do not pretend to know the Deity so thoroughly as we have assumed, +since they avouch very early in the creed that the three persons of the +Godhead are one and all incomprehensible. If the word incomprehensible, +thus used, means (what it apparently meant in the author’s mind) +unlimited as to extension, just as the word eternal means unlimited as +to time, the objection is altogether wide of the mark.. But even if the +word incomprehensible be taken to mean (what it apparently means in +the minds of most people who use the creed) beyond the comprehension or +capacity of the human intellect, still the objection is without force. +For in the same sense a tuft of grass, a stone, anything and everything +in the world is beyond the capacity of the human intellect: the roots +of a tuft of grass strike as deeply into the incomprehensible as the +mysteries of the Deity. Relatively this creed tells us quite as much +about God as ever the profoundest botanist can tell us about the grass; +in fact, it tells relatively more, for it implies a knowledge of the +<em class="italics">Final Cause</em> of the subsistence of God, which no future botanist can +tell or imply of the grass.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="our-obstructions"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id17">OUR OBSTRUCTIONS</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1877.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">W</span><span class="dropspan">alking</span> along the Strand and Fleet Street and through the heart of +the City, noting the churches on the way—high St. Martin’s, St. +Mary-le-Strand, St. Clement Danes, the Cathedral, and the many still +left wedged in by offices in the narrowest and busiest streets, or lanes +of London—I am always reminded of the old wooden ships laid up “in +ordinary,” as one sees them at Plymouth and Portsmouth, and elsewhere. +The churches, like the ships, though not so surely, may have done good +service in their time; but their day is past, never to return. When we +reflect on the subject, however, we find manifold differences between +the state of the churches and that of the ships. These are dismantled, +unrigged and dismasted, passive white hulls ghostly on the waters, as it +were the phantoms of the old swift-winged and thunder-striking eagles +of battle. But the churches remain in all their pride, complete in +equipment from lowest vault to topmost spire, even those which are shut +silent all the week, without the least pretence of use, and in which +on Sunday the droning and drowsy worship of a meagre congregation +“rattles like a withered kernel in a large shell.” Again, the +crews of the ships were discharged as soon as these were put out of +commission, while the full crews of the churches, rectors, vicars, +ushers, beadles, are kept on at full pay, and saunter through the old +exercises and parades as if they were valiant effectives instead of +dummies and shams. And this death-in-life of the churches is more dreary +and doleful than the naked death of the ships.</p> +<p class="pnext">These churches officially and effetely represent what is called the +English Reformation, the most ignoble in Europe; which, as Macaulay +remarks, merely transferred the full cup from the hand of the Pope to +the hand of the King, spilling as little,as possible by the way. It is +true that the State Church thus established, in spite of its illogical +position, boasted great men in its early days, inspired by patriotism as +against Rome, with abounding faith for the mysteries, with firm belief +in the Bible, with full confidence in metaphysical divinity. But now +Rome is formidable no longer, the mysteries are seen to be not only +incomprehensible but self-contradictory, the Bible has been torn +asunder by criticism, metaphysical divinity has been proved baseless; +all the best thought of the age abandons the Church and disregards its +dogmas; it has great men no more, nor ever again will have. Its general +character is well hit off by Ruskin, himself a devoted Christian, in the +phrase “the smooth proprieties of lowland Protestantism.”’ It +may be worth while to quote a little more from him on this +subject (“Modern Painters,” part v., chap. 20, “The Mountain +Glory”)—“But still the large aspect of the matter is always, among +Protestants, that formalism, respectability, orthodoxy, caution and +propriety, live by the slow stream that encircles the lowland abbey or +cathedral; and that enthusiasm, poverty, vital faith and audacity of +conduct, characterise the pastor dwelling by the torrent side.” And +again: “Among the fair arable lands of England and Belgium extends +an orthodox Protestantism or Catholicism—prosperous, creditable and +drowsy; but it is among the purple moors of the highland border, the +ravines of Mount Genévre, and the crags of the Tyrol, that we shall +find the simplest evangelical faith and the purest Romanist practice.” +In other words, in religion the highlander is enthusiastic and +superstitious, the low-lander lukewarm and worldly. Thus our fat English +Church still keeps to the text, “By grace ye are saved;” but its +grace now is chiefly of deportment. It boasts that its clergy are +gentlemen; and they may be, as a rule, in society, though we unbelievers +seldom find them so in controversy; and it seems to be persuaded that +we should continue to allow it several million pounds a year to keep +up this supply of gentlemen, when every profession, every trade shows +gentlemen quite as good, with the advantages of more intellect, more +experience of life, more courage and more sincerity.</p> +<p class="pnext">There is indeed a section of the clergy full of zeal—to restore the +priesthood. How some of these gentlemen compound with their consciences +in taking English pay and position for doing Romish work, is a standing +puzzle to honest laymen untrained in casuistry. But as they do rank +themselves among the parsons of our State Church, their ecclesiastical +pretensions are even more ludicrous than they are outrageously arrogant. +For ever preaching up the authority and discipline of the Church, they +are the first to rebel against it when it does not suit their whims. +Thus Mr. Tooth, of Hatcham, not only defies an Act of Parliament, but +also defies his bishop, and has plenty of abettors in doing both. I read +in the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>: “Two of Mr. Tooth’s supporters, whose letters +we have published, insist that the Public Worship Regulation Act is not +law and is not binding on Churchmen, because it has never received the +sanction of Convocation”—the said Convocation having about as much +influence and authority in the country as a tavern discussion society.</p> +<p class="pnext">Again: “One writer talks of the Church having been declared to be +free from all civil jurisdiction in spiritual affairs by many successive +Sovereigns. We did not know that our Sovereigns had a right to make laws +by Royal declarations, [and] not merely for their own time, but for all +time. According to these principles of constitutional government we +have three rival law-making powers in England—the Parliament, with +the Sovereign for one; the Declaration of the Sovereign for another; +and Convocation for a third. Of these Parliament would seem to be the +weakest, for it cannot negative the proceedings of the other two; +but either of these two can declare invalid what it has done.” +Can anything be more absurd? Here is a State Church established by +Parliament with the sanction of the monarch, endowed with national +endowments, liable to be disestablished and disendowed by Parliament +with the sanction of the monarch; yet many of its ministers claim to be +free from the authority of the State and Parliament to which it owes its +existence and subsistence! If they really desire such freedom, they can +easily obtain it. They have but to sever their adulterous connexion +with the State, restoring to the nation the endowments they have so long +misused, and they will then be emancipated from all control, at liberty +to teach what doctrines and practise what ritual they please. But these +super-spiritual clergy keep a desperate clutch on the revenues. If +anything could be more absurd than the defiance of Parliament, it would +be the defiance of their ecclesiastical superiors by these champions of +absolute ecclesiastical subordination. His bishop inhibits Mr. Tooth, +Mr. Tooth coolly disregards the inhibition, and one who sympathises with +him calmly writes to the <em class="italics">Daily News</em>? “Considering how bishops have +been appointed since the Reformation, it is hard to see why Mr. Tooth +and your correspondents should even pretend to obey them.” This is +frightful, and may well make even the hardened sceptic shudder. What! +a genuine successor of the Apostles (else the English Church has no +genuine priesthood) chosen by the Holy Ghost itself (in obedience to the +recommendation of the King or Queen) against his own humble wish (for he +declared <em class="italics">Nolo Episcopari</em>); and English Churchmen need not even pretend +to obey him! Such is the subordination of those who maintain the extreme +authority of the Church!</p> +<p class="pnext">Jesus has told us that a house divided against itself cannot stand, and +the house of our State Church is divided against itself most savagely. +But as the factions, while opposed to each other in all else, thoroughly +agree in adhering to their endowments and privileges, and with this +object shore up and buttress the edifice whose fall would be otherwise +imminent, it behoves us to exert ourselves in bringing to the ground as +speedily as possible the unsure and dangerous building, and diverting +the immense funds misemployed in sustaining its uselessness to the real +edification of the people. For as materially the Church of St. Mary is +planted silent, void and death-like in the midst of the living currents +of the Strand, obstructing and breaking the broad stream into two narrow +arms, so intellectually and morally, in whatever channel our active life +may flow, we find a similar obstacle, and in all directions we meet one +cry—“The Church stops the way.”</p> +<p class="pnext">But when we have removed the obstacle, when we have blasted it as the +Americans recently blasted that other rock of Hell-gate, clearing the +entrance to New York’s noble harbor, we shall find another and a more +inveterate obstacle fronting us—a Book. A book seems but a slight +thing to bar the way; but multiplied by millions and millions, and +desperately defended as divine and infallible by legions of zealots, it +constitutes a far more formidable barricade than the stoutest church +of stone. The various sects of Nonconformists, who all join with us +in attacking the State Church, will all join the Churchmen to maintain +against us their common fetish, the Bible. Regarding this as a human +production, there is much of it which we highly esteem; but regarded as +the word of God, it works far more evil than good, and the evil is ever +increasing while the good decreases; for the revelations of science grow +ever more clear, and men must more and more strain their consciences and +sophisticate their intellects in order to believe that they believe in +the super-human character of the book which reason and science show +to be so thoroughly human. We are told by men whom we respect that, +considered historically, Christianity and the other great religions +merit better treatment than we are wont to accord them. Certainly they +merit better treatment than is accorded them by those who crudely brand +them all alike, in all their doctrines and legends and ritual, as the +mere inventions of priestcraft fostered by kingcraft and statecraft. But +we are far from committing ourselves to such an impeachment, not less +monstrous than the most monstrous superstition it assails. We freely +recognise the naturalness of these religions in the past, their genuine +consonance with the communities wherein they arose and prevailed; the +sincerity and truth and nobleness formulated, however erroneously, in +many of their dogmas, embodied, however imperfectly, in many of their +myths; but we see that their day is gone by; we cannot allow the past, +which was the real childhood and youth of mankind, to dominate the +present, which is its riper age; we discern that the errors of the +dogmas and the fiction of the myths are now so obvious and incontestable +that to revere them as faultless and authentic is a gross self-delusion. +When we say—“The tree is dead; cut it down, why cumbereth it the +ground?” we do not imply that it never bore good fruit. On the other +hand, when we admit that it once bore good fruit, we do not imply that +it is not now dead and an encumbrance to the ground. It is precisely +because we do consider these old faiths historically, because we fully +recognise their early efficiency and vigor, that we can thoroughly +realise their decrepitude and dissolution. And taking western +Christianity in particular, both the Roman embodied in Mary and the +Protestant embodied in Jesus, we affirm that it has no longer real life, +but only the “ghastly affectation of life.” Reason and science have +disembowelled it, have removed its heart and its brain. It is ready for +the historical embalmer. Its great part in the drama of human life is +played out; it is still kept above ground, its life still asserted, +because large numbers would lose much by the frank acknowledgement of +its decease, and other large numbers who cannot bring themselves to +face the fact of its death, persist in hoping against hope that the +lifelessness is hut a swoon or a cataleptic fit, from which it will yet +awaken with renewed strength. We, however, dare to see what we cannot +help seeing, we venture to avow the fact which is beyond fair dispute. +Doubtless the living man did brave work in his time; but shall +we therefore bow down worshipping his mummy, and keep it from its +sepulchre, and continue to allot immense revenues to his army of +servitors who have now no service to render? No; the sooner we bury the +corpse and send the servitors about their business the better for us and +for them.</p> +<p class="pnext">Thus far I think all Secularists will go with me. But for many, perhaps +the majority of us, who are not only Secularists, but Republicans, there +is a third great obstacle, the Throne, which is now little else than a +costly sham. Yet, sham as it is, it is still strong to obstruct, being +encompassed and fortified by the power of the nobles, the power of +the clergy, the power of the wealthy, the degraded and degrading +snobbishness of the middle and lower middle classes. The artisans and +laborers generally, as we know, care nothing for it or are distinctly +hostile. We have had some great monarchs, though the greatest we ever +had was crown-less, and we can yield to monarchy in the past something +of such historical respect as we yield to Christianity. But who that is +not a very serf by nature can feel any genuine respect for monarchy as +we have it in these days? when the main duty of the King or Queen is to +countersign the decrees of Parliament; a duty which the Lord Chancellor +or the Speaker could perform just as well and with more promptitude. One +need not dwell on the character of the reigning house, which, brought +ignobly to the throne, has been consistently ignoble from the first +until the accession of her present Most Gracious Majesty. A much nobler +royal family would be just as superfluous now as the present we have +outgrown the need of a paternal or guardian king. Nor is the question +of principle really affected by the fact that this ignoble family, like +other species of the lower animals, is excessively prolific, and that +every prince or princess born of it, costs us several thousands a year. +We should not grudge the money for service rendered; the gravamen of +our impeachment is that no monarch now can render service of value. The +effective energy of our monarchy in these days is well symbolised in the +procedure at the opening of Parliament—royal carriages without royal +occupants; royal life-guards with no royal life to guard; a royal robe +spread on a vacant throne; the Lord Chancellor reading a royal speech +composed by responsible ministers. Her Majesty during fourteen long +years has been doing her best to teach us how well we can get on without +a monarch, and how stupid we are therefore to keep one at a great +expense. We may find something venerable in the throne when put aside +and conserved simply as a curious relic of the past; we find it merely +absurd while retained for useless use, a pretentious seat with no one +to sit in it. As Théophile says: “<em class="italics">Si rien nest plus beau que +l’antique, est plus laid que le suranné.</em>”</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="mr-kingsleys-convertites"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id18">MR. KINGSLEY’S CONVERTITES</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1865.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">R</span><span class="dropspan">eaders</span> can scarcely have forgotten the amusing “turn-up” between +the Rev. Mr. Kingsley and the Rev. Dr. Newman, in which the latter got +the former “into Chancery,” and punished him so pitilessly. While +reading the “Apologia pro Vitâ Sua,” one naturally reflected now +and then upon the opinions, as stated in the books, of Dr. Newman’s +antagonist; and the fight grew more and more comically exquisite as one +gradually learnt the thorough agreement at bottom of the two who were +struggling so fiercely at top. When I speak of Mr. Kingsley’s books, +I mean his novels and romances, all of which (except the one not yet +completely published) I have duly read and enjoyed. As for certain +collections of sermons, a dialogue for loose thinkers, a <em class="italics">jeu +d’esprit</em> on the Pentateuch, together with various trifles by way of +lectures on history and philosophy, I confess that none of these have +I ever even attempted to peruse. To palliate this sin of omission I can +only urge the high probability that a man of Mr. Kingsley’s character +must find much more vigorous and ample expression in a free and easy +novel than in any didactic or argumentative treatise, with its wearisome +requirements of consecutiveness and cramping limitations of logic. I now +ask the leaders of the <em class="italics">National Reformer</em> to accompany me in a general +review of his romances, because I think that such a review will develop +two or three facts seldom noticed in the critiques—whether friendly +or adverse—that abound upon his writings. Especially, I think that it +will be found that the popular phrases, “Muscular Christianity” and +“Broad Church,” by no means sufficiently characterise his religious +tendency; and that, with all the superficial unlikeness, almost +amounting to perfect contrast between him and Dr. Newman, the opponents +as religious men are fundamentally alike in this—that their respective +creeds satisfy, or appear to satisfy, in the same manner the same +peculiarly intense want in their several natures.</p> +<p class="pnext">In every one of Mr. Kingsley’s romances there is a chief personage, +more or less naturally good but decidedly godless at the beginning, +god-fearing and saintly at the end. Some of the romances have each two +or three of these convertites, the throes of whose regeneration are the +principal “motives” of the most striking scenes, and may be thus +fairly said to furnish the plot and passion of the book. My present +object is not aesthetic, and I therefore need not argue the question +whether narratives thus constructed can have any claim to rank as +genuine works of art. With the melancholy Jaques in “As You Like +It,” I believe:</p> +<pre class="literal-block"> +Out of these Convertites +There is much matter to be heard and learned— +</pre> +<p class="pfirst">so will stay “to see no pastime, I,” but run through the stories of +these conversions, touching only the most salient points.</p> +<p class="pnext">Alton Locke, when adolescent, is a very poor tailor, a poet whose verses +are far more vigorous than his character, a chartist, a sceptic. He +madly falls in love with a Dean’s daughter, and through the patronage of +the Dean himself, gets a volume of poems published. As the fiercest of +the rhymes have been soothed out of this volume by the decorous +Dean, Radical friends forward to young Locke a pair of +plush-breeches—fitting testimonial to the flunkeyism conspicuous in +the omissions. He is imprisoned for inciting a rustic mob to a Chartist +outbreak, confounds the prison chaplain by sporting the latest novelties +in heresy direct from Germany, shares when released in the delirium of +the memorable tenth of April, finds that the lady of his love is to be +married to his cousin, and consummates the long orgy of excitement with +a desperate fever. The Dean had directed his attention to the study of +natural history; hence the frenzy of the fever takes a zoological turn, +and he undergoes therein marvellous transmigrations through a series +of antediluvian monsters; awaking at last to sane consciousness (<em class="italics">sane +comparatively, he is never quite in his right senses, poor fellow</em>) to +find himself nursed by a young widow, the dean’s elder daughter, who +soothes him with ladings from Tennyson. She has very recently lost +her husband, who was merely a brilliant nobleman, and she herself a +Convertite; in a few days the modest Alton is hinting at a declaration +to her. She will not marry him, nor indeed any other man, but she sends +him out to South America on a special poetical mission. On the voyage +thither he dies, a believer, regenerate, leaving as legacy to his +friends and the world at large a war-song of the Church (ferociously) +Militant. What has converted him?—the plush breeches? the crash of +the tenth of April? the loss of his first lady love? the reading of the +“Lotus-eaters?” the delirious Fugue of Fossils? Some or all of these +it must be supposed; for weak though he was, he surely could not +have been seriously influenced by the comical caricatures of Socratic +dialectics, which the Dean sometimes played with him in lieu of chess or +backgammon.</p> +<p class="pnext">Next comes Yeast, whose great Convertite is Lancelot Smith. He is +introduced to us as fresh from Cambridge, a stalwart gallant fellow of +great abilities, rather debauched, but discontented with his debauchery, +and utterly without fixed creed. An accident confines him long to the +house of the Squire whom he is visiting. During his convalescence he +becomes a lover of one of the Squire’s daughters—a young lady +whose vernacular name is Argemone, and who is herself rapidly growing +a perfect saint. He also becomes the friend of a gamekeeper who +reads Carlyle, writes poetry, and has experienced special religious +illumination. Lancelot then loses all his fortune by the failure of his +uncle’s bank, and loses his sweetheart by the sulphuretted-hydrogen +fever; turns street-porter for the nonce to earn a bit of bread, and +finally goes off one knows not whither; an excellent fervid Christian, +after playing through several bewildering pages a wild burlesque of the +Platonic dialogue with a personage so mysterious that I prefer not to +attempt a description of him. What has converted Lancelot? The loss of +his money and the death of his sweetheart seem to have been the main +influences. For although he was stunned with calamity, I will not +deem him so stupefied as to think that he was made a believer by the +unintelligible dialogue.</p> +<p class="pnext">Then follows Hypatia. And here I may remark that I am unable to concur +in what seems the general opinion—namely, that Mr. Kingsley intended +his heroine to represent the character of the Hypatia of history. +Although living in the same city at the same period, both lecturing on +philosophy, and both ultimately murdered by Christian mobs; it appears +to me that, as women, the two Hypatias differed so much from each other +that no one having heard them talk for five minutes could have the +slightest doubt as to which was which. History and Mr. Kingsley have +each composed an acrostic on this lovely name, and with the same <em class="italics">bouts +rimes</em>; but the body (and the spirit) of the one poem is extremely +unlike the body (and the spirit) of the other. Mr. Kingsley proffers +us an ancient cup and a flask, Greek-lettered “Wine of Cyprus”; we +commence to drink solemnly and devoutly, but—O most miserable mockery! +it is indubitable brandy and water. Well may he call this an old foe +with a new face! The Kingsley Hypatia is not altogether, but is very +nearly a Convertite; so nearly that he would certainly have made her +altogether one, had not the <em class="italics">bouts rime’s</em> been too well known for +alteration. Her best pupil (of whom more anon) abandons her, she begins +to love a beautiful young Greek monk, and yet (that philosophy may have +the help of worldly power in its mortal duel with Christianity) consents +to marry the Prefect of Alexandria, whom she very justly despises. While +miserable with the consciousness of how low she is stooping to conquer, +she is fascinated or mesmerised by an old Jewish hag, and crouches in +a sort of fetish worship to what she thinks a statue of Apollo, said +statue being represented by the handsome monk. In the agony of shame +which follows her discovery of this cheat she performs a short parody of +the Socratic dialogue in concert with the pupil who had left her and who +has returned a Christian, and at last, when going to the lecture hall +(where murder shall prevent her from ever lecturing more) she +confesses to a certain longing for Christianity. Why? She was wretched, +humiliated, defeated, weary; she had staked all on the red, and had +lost—what more natural than a yearning to try the black? And this +character is published and generally received for the Hypatia of +history!</p> +<p class="pnext">But the great Convertite of this romance is the pupil already mentioned, +the renegade Jew, Raphael Ben Ezra. In the prime of life, wealthy, the +favorite comrade of the Prefect, superlatively gifted with that subtle +Hebrew clearness, which, swayed by a strong will and intense self-love, +can scarcely be distinguished from genius, we find him in the opening +chapters already as used up as the old King Solomon of Ecclesiastes, +having exhausted all excitements of wine, women, and philosophy, all +voluptuousness, physical and intellectual. Desperate with <em class="italics">ennui</em>, he +abandons Hypatia, casts away his wealth (how many Jews do the same!), +barters clothes with a beggar, and sets out to wander the world with an +amiable British bull-bitch (afterwards the happy mother of nine sweet +infants) for his sole guide, philosopher and friend. The chapter wherein +his Pyrrhonism disported itself “on the floor of the bottomless” +seems to have been, in great measure, borrowed from the talk of one +Babbalanja in Herman Melville’s “Mardi;” perhaps, however, both +were borrowed direct from Jean Paul’s gigantic grotesque, “Titan.” +Becoming involved in the meshes of the great war in Africa—that revolt +of Heraclian against Honorius which Gibbon treats with such contemptuous +brevity in his thirty-first chapter—he is nearly killed himself, saves +an old officer from death and soon falls in love with this officer’s +daughter. He reads about this time certain epistles, and infers +therefrom that Saul of Tarsus was one of the finest gentlemen that ever +lived. Also, while the guest of good Bishop Synesius, he hears Saint +Augustine preach, and engages with him in long discussions, fortunately +unreported. Returning to Alexandria, he almost converts Hypatia, sees +her murdered, sharpens his tongue on Cyril the primate, and leaves +again to marry his saintly sweetheart, and end his lire as quite a model +Christian. What has converted him? His love for the young Christian? +the gentlemanly character of Paul’s Epistles? the bull-bitch with her +ninefold litter, like Shakespere’s nightmare? the murder of Hypatia +by the Christians, who rent, and tore and shred her living body to +fragments? Or was it mere satiety and weariness of thinking—the +weariness which leads so many who thought freely when young to find a +resting-place in the bosom of the Church as they get old?</p> +<p class="pnext">In “Westward, Ho!” the great conversion is of Ayacanorah. But as +this is a conversion not merely religious but also moral, social and +intellectual, a conversion from barbarism to civilisation, it does +not come fairly into the class I am describing. Two incidents in the +romance, however, must not be passed over. The first occurs in the +Lotus-eating chapter. Will Para-combe tired, as well he may be, of +wandering about savage America in search of El Dorado, blindly refuses +to see that it is his chief end as man to continue wandering until El +Dorado is found and the captain has glutted his heart with vengeance on +the Spaniards; and Will gives such excellent reasons for staying in the +beautiful spot where he is, with the beautiful and affectionate native +woman whom he is willing and anxious to marry in the most legal mode +attainable, that Captain Amyas Leigh, who has been urging him onward +with true Kingsleyan diffidence and mildness, finds himself dumbfounded. +But valuable logical assistance is at hand. A jaguar like a bar of iron +plunges on poor Will, and he and his arguments are settled on the spot. +Amyas thanks God for this special interposition of providence in his +favor. And the man who wrote the adventure of Amyas can sneer at +the faith of a Catholic like Dr. Newman! The other incident is the +conversion of Amyas from his diabolical hatred of the Spaniards in +general, and of the Don with whom Rose had eloped in particular. A +lightning-flash strikes him blind, and he thereupon repents him of his +hatred and desire of revenge, and, moreover, has a vision of the Don +drowned with his sunken galleon, who assures him that his hatred was +without just cause. These are the true Kingsleyan dialectics; these, +and not those burlesques of what Plato wrote and Socrates spoke, and Mr. +Kingsley is no more able to conduct than I am to lead on the violin like +Herr Joachim, a great concerted composition of Beethoven. Let a jaguar +loose into your opponent’s syllogistic premises, blind him with a +lightning-flash that he may see the truth and have clear vision of the +right way. Yet Mr. Kingsley has undoubtedly read about a tower in Siloam +that fell, and what Joshua Bar-Joseph said of the people killed by this +accident.</p> +<p class="pnext">Lastly, we have “Two Years Ago,” whose great Convertite is Tom +Thumal. Tom is one of the jolliest of characters, true as steel, tough +as oak, quick and deft for all emergencies, a compact mass of common +sense, and courage, and energy, living in the most godless state, He is +not a heathen—he is more godless yet; for a heathen has something of +wood or stone which serves him for a deity. In the Saga of Saint Olaf +(in that great and glorious work “The Heims-kringla”) we read how +this pious and terrible king going to his last battle was asked by two +brothers, who were freebooters, for permission to fight in his ranks. +But although these and their followers were “tall” men, and the king +was in sore need of recruits, he would not accept their services unless +they believed in Christ. Whereupon they answered that they saw no +special need of the help of the “White Christ”; that they had been +hitherto wont to believe in themselves and their own luck, and with this +belief had managed to pull through very well, and thought they could do +the same for the future. Ultimately, these excellent fellows did consent +to be baptised and called Christians—not from any religious motive, +alas! but only because of a “shtrong wakeness” they had for taking +part in a set battle. Tom Thurnal has just as much, and as little, +religion as these had. After wandering all over the world in all sorts +of capacities, he comes back to be shipwrecked on the Cornish coast, and +is the only one on board saved. While he is being dragged up the beach +senseless, his belt of money—the fruit of a season at the Australian +diggings—disappears; and he resolves to settle in the village, in +order to discover it or the thief. Here he falls in love with the +village schoolmistress, a sweet mystical devotee, whom he rather +suspects of stealing his gold, and whom he defends from one ruffian in +order to grossly insult her himself. In the village Tom is doctor, and, +when the cholera comes, he is assisted in bringing the village through +it by this saintly schoolmistress, and a pious Major, and a fervid High +Church parson. At the breaking out of the Crimean War, Tom gets charged +with a secret mission to the East. Somewhere in Turkey, in Asia, an +imbecile Sheikh or Pasha whom he is endeavoring to serve, mistakes his +manœuvres, and keeps him in captivity for a year or two. From this +imprisonment he comes home crushed and abject, “afraid in passing +a house that it would fall and smother him,” etc., marries his +sweetheart and ends a model Christian. What has converted him? Simply, +it appears, the year or two of solitary confinement—which took all the +pith and manhood out of him. This last case, the work of Mr. Kingsley in +the full maturity of his powers, is the most flagrant of all.</p> +<p class="pnext">If I have not summed up these cases fairly, the novels and romances in +question are in everybody’s hands to convict me of the unfairness. I +have simply sketched the leading points as they remain in my memory, +not referring to the books again to pick out what would best serve my +purpose. It is not my fault if the personages, who looked so great and +grandiose in the flowing and ample draperies of romance, do not strip +well for anatomy.</p> +<p class="pnext">Now, what is common to all these cases of conversion? This: that the +characters become religious, not when healthy, but when diseased; the +religion in every case is exhibited as a drug for the sick, not as +wholesome food for the healthy. While you are sane, well and hearty, +doing your work in the world deftly, sound in mind, and wind, and limb, +and fairly prosperous, you have no need of this religion—you can get +through the world very well without it. But when your fortune is lost, +your sweetheart dead or married to another, your courage cowed, your +heart broken, your mind diseased, your self-respect humiliated, then +you long for and embrace Christianity (or whatever religion is dominant +around you): it is a soft pillow for the aching head, a tender couch +for the bruised body, a flattering nurse for the desolate invalid. I can +scarcely add that it is a medicine for the sickness, for its medicinal +virtues are hardly shown; but it is, at any rate, as we read of its +effects in these books, a narcotic and an anodyne for restlessness and +pain. It is a religion to die with, not to live with. All these things, +so soothing and beneficial to the invalid, are nauseous and noxious to +the healthy.</p> +<p class="pnext">A man could no more live vigorous life on such religion than he +could live vigorous life couched tenderly, pillowed softly, nursed +assiduously, and drugged with narcotics and anodyne all the days of his +life.</p> +<p class="pnext">Is the religious world willing to accept this view of religion? It would +seem so by the remarkable popularity of these books. This view may be +correct or incorrect, wise or foolish; at any rate, it is strangely at +variance with the view commonly ascribed to “Muscular Christians,” +and strangely identical with that which Dr. Newman explicitly avows in +the most eloquent pages of his “Apologia.” People generally consider +“Muscular Christianity” as a clever and cheerful improvement on the +old solemn ascetic Christianity, as a doctrine which fully recognises +the goodness of the common world and common worldly life, as a liberal +cultus which does not sacrifice body to soul any more than soul to body, +but is at once gymnastic and spiritualistic in its “exercises”; a +vague notion is abroad that, whereas the early religion of Christ and +his apostles was of sorrow and suffering, this, its latest development, +is a religion of happiness and health; in short, it is believed that +“Muscular Christianity” has added the Gospel(1) of the body and this +life to the primitive Gospel of the soul and the next life: and yet the +most popular and vigorous writer of this new school, after exhausting a +very fertile imagination in the suggestion of methods and modes by which +godless sinners may be converted to godliness, has absolutely found no +other process effectual than this of showering upon them misfortunes, +humiliations, afflictions, calamities (such as do not in real life fall +upon one human being in a thousand, and working results such as they +would not work in one real human being out of ten thousand); until +health and hope, self-respect and the capacity for sane joy are +altogether destroyed in them, the manhood and womanhood overwhelmed and +crushed out of them; after which he brings in these miserable wrecks and +relics of what were once men and women as all that he can contribute to +the extension of the Church, which ought to be the cheerful congregation +of wholesome men and women throughout the world, the richest flower and +ripest fruit of humanity. If the Church of the future is to be composed +of creatures like Mr. Kingsley’s Convertites, Westminster Abbey must +be turned into a Grand Chartreuse, and St. Paul’s into an Hospital for +Incurables, and the metropolitan Cathedral of England must be Bedlam.</p> +<blockquote> +<div> +<p class="pfirst">1. The Gospel of the body and this life has been powerfully +preached in the most explicit terms on the Continent. In +England we have been too prudish to advocate it so clearly, +although it is, of course, essential to the most enlightened +Positivism and Secularism. That much-abused book the +“Elements of Social Science” preaches it with more +thoroughness, knowledge and ability than any other English +work I have met with. I do not pretend to be wise enough to +judge this book, and so far as I can judge it, I differ from +it in many respects; but on the broad question of the spirit +in which it is written, I do not fear to assert that no +honest and intelligent man can find pruriency and impurity +in it, without he brings the pruriency and impurity in his +own heart and mind to the study of it. I can understand +ascetic Christians abhorring it, I can understand timid +Freethinkers being frightened by it because they are timid; +but I cannot understand men who claim to be bold and honest +Freethinkers avoiding it as an unholy thing merely because +of the subjects it treats, without reference to the mode of +treatment, and without sympathy for the admirable motives +which manifestly incited the author. He may well say with +the most brilliant and daring of all who have preached this +Gospel of the body in our age (this Gospel which is so +sorely needed to complement and modify the exclusive Gospel +of the soul—this Gospel which Plato preached along with the +other, while Jesus preached the other only), he may well say +with Heine</p> +</div> +</blockquote> +<pre class="literal-block"> +Doch die Castraten Klagten, +Aïs ich meine Stimm’ erhob; +Sie Klagten und sie sagten; +Ich sange veil zu grob. +</pre> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-primate-on-the-church-and-the-world"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id19">THE PRIMATE ON THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> Archbishop of Canterbury is making his second quadrennial visitation +to his diocese, and delivering an elaborate Charge to the clergy, in +seven instalments. Of these the first two are reported at considerable +length in the <em class="italics">Times</em> of the 27th and 28th inst., a couple of columns +of small print being given to each. The <em class="italics">Times</em> has moreover generously +vouchsafed a leading article of encouragement and approval on each; and +surely the State Church ought to be proud of such lofty patronage, and +Lambeth Palace ought to be very grateful to Printing House Square. +The <em class="italics">Daily News</em> could only spare half a column for the first; and +the <em class="italics">Daily Telegraph</em>, whose exuberant Christianity, hot and strong +as boiling rancid oil, amazes the world on every great festival of +the Church, showed its estimate of the importance of our Primate’s +manifesto by allotting to it eight or nine lines of small print at the +foot of a column—a pickpocket in a police-court gets as much notice.</p> +<p class="pnext">Let us glance down the <em class="italics">Times</em>’ reports, pausing at anything worth a +note if not by its intrinsic value yet on account of the position of the +speaker:—</p> +<p class="pnext">“I wish to set before you some thoughts as to the particular duties, +which at this time devolve upon the Established Church as the National +Church of this country. In the days in which we live some even hesitate +to assign to us the position of a National Church. A National Church is +a national protest for God and for Christ, for goodness and for truth; +and if we of this National Church are not making this national protest, +no one else certainly makes one. No other body in this country can claim +that commanding influence over the thought of the age, which by God’s +blessing is assigned to us. No other religious body in the country has +either that connection with the State, or if that be thought a small +matter, that power of influencing the whole nation which, thank God, is +still reserved to us.”</p> +<p class="pnext">It will be noticed that the Archbishop in his definition of a National +Church has humbly copied the unorthodox Matthew Arnold, who in +his address to London clergymen at Sion College, (reviewed in the +<em class="italics">Secularist</em> of April 8) declared with an exquisitely humorous gravity +that he regarded the Church of England as <em class="italics">a great national society for +the promotion of goodness!</em> But the Archbishop is really too loose +in his imitation of this charitable definition bestowed by a man of +letters. He says: “A National Church is a national protest for God +and for Christ;” according to which, Mohammedanism, Brahmanism, and +Buddhism, as the national churches of several countries, are so many +national protests for God and Christ. We do not expect a mere Primate in +these days to write with the precision of an accomplished literary man, +but we do think that he ought to be somewhat less inaccurate than +this. However, it is to the last two sentences quoted that I would +particularly call attention. The Church of England has a commanding +influence over the thought of the age! It has the power of influencing +the whole nation! Here be truly astonishing announcements. The thought +of the age in our country is embodied in such persons as Spencer and +Darwin, Huxley and Tyndall, Carlyle and Browning, George Eliot and +George Meredith; and what a commanding influence the State Church has +over these! As for its influence over the whole nation, is it not the +fact that a large portion of the educated classes, and the great bulk 01 +the artisans, are either sceptical or indifferent, and that more than a +half of the shopkeepers are Nonconformists bent on Disestablishment and +Disendowment? The Archbishop has made a most unlucky start.</p> +<p class="pnext">Passing over some commonplace and common-sense remarks on the duties of +the clergy, we come to the following:—</p> +<p class="pnext">“This is an age in which there is a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout the nation. It is a time when, more than any other, +serious and earnest learning is required to meet the wants of those +among whom we live. Let us be thankful that the arrangements of +cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course, and cause their light to be seen throughout the land, guiding +the thought of those who are in need of guidance in this anxious age.”</p> +<p class="pnext">Admitting the truth of the opening sentences we may add that in every +age since the supremacy of the Church was first shaken by the invention +of printing, the recovery of the Greek and Latin classics, and the +revival of science, there has been a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout this nation and every other nation in Christendom, +and that age by age this seething has scalded more and more pitilessly +the dogmas, the Scriptures, and the authority of the Church, whose +Hebrew old clothes, as Carlyle fitly calls them, must soon be literally +boiled to rags. We may also freely admit that the arrangements of +Cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course; but we ask, how many of them really pursue it? How many of +them cause their light to shine throughout the land? How many guide the +thought of those who need guidance in this anxious age? Is it not as +notorious as it is disgraceful to the Church, that, with few exceptions, +the canons and other dignitaries make scarcely any contribution to the +thought, or scholarship, or science of the age, in return for the large +leisure and ample stipends with which they are endowed? These stalled +canons may ruminate much, even like stalled oxen, but what nourishment +do we get from the rumination of the former? Look through lists of +standard works, of really important works, published during the last +quarter of a century, and see how few of them, even in theology and +kindred departments, have come from the “learned leasure” of our +rich cathedrals.</p> +<p class="pnext">If there is one thing more closely connected than any other with true +religion, that thing is money. Always the most spiritual exhortations +and speculations end in very practical appeals to the pockets—of +course the pockets of the laity. We are reminded what Paul Louis Courier +said of the clergy in his day: “They have need of good examples and +will find them amongst us. But if we are stronger than they as to the +commandments of God, they in their turn have the advantage of us in +respect to the commandments of the Church, which they remember better +than we, and of which the principal is, I believe, to give all we have +for heaven. ‘You ask me,’ said that worthy preacher Barlette, ‘how +to get to Paradise? The bells of the convent tell you: Giving, giving, +giving,’ The Latin of the monk is charming: “Vos quœritis a me, +fratres carissimi, quomodo itur ad paradisupi? Hoc dicunt vobis campance +monasterii, dando, dando, dando” Very early in his discourse does our +Primate ring this favorite chime of all church bells, but with a noble +disinterestedness, a magnanimous depreciation:—</p> +<p class="pnext">“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money which of late years +have been poured into the treasury of the Established Church for the +re-edification of our buildings; we may think lightly even of the vast +sums which have been contributed by the members of our Church for the +instruction of our poorer brethren, thinking that, after all, it is not +the silver and the gold, but the precious doctrine of the Lord Jesus +Christ, and the purity and holiness which attend the true profession of +that doctrine on which we have to rest our claims. But still even the +outward signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be +despised.”</p> +<p class="pnext">“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money!” we, the archbishop +with £15,000 a year and a palace rent-free, and the members of the +Cathedral body of Canterbury each with our several hundreds a year +and our snug residences! Very lightly, no doubt! But “still even the +outward signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be +despised.” How unworldly, how humble, is our right reverend father in +God; it is a pity that his voice here has such a twang of Pecksniff and +Uriah Heap. I really believe that he is too much of a gentleman to speak +in this tone with his natural voice; it is that fatal falsetto of the +pulpit. Well, in sober truth, these Churchmen had better not despise +the outward signs of their influence, for there is an abundant lack of +inward ones. And discreetly do they boast of the re-edification of their +buildings, for edification or re-edification of their congregations, +alas, there is little or none whereof to boast. Having rang this +preliminary diffident chime of Dando dando, dando, the Archbishop revels +in riotous peals to the same words before concluding:—</p> +<p class="pnext">“Depend upon it a country that produces in a short time £30,000,000 +[sic in <em class="italics">Times; Daily News</em>, ‘three millions’] to restore the +outward fabric of our churches, will not fail to respond to any +appeal when made for the funds which may be wanted to assist those who +otherwise cannot provide themselves with a due education that they may +be fitted for the ministry. Another matter which I think presses upon +us is this. Is it not desirable something should be done to provide the +means of passing their last days in comfort, for those worn out in the +service of Christ? Here again I feel confident that an appeal to the +wealthy of this country would be answered at once if those who have +the leisure—none more fit than the dignitaries of our cathedral +churches—were to take up this question, and to our existing charities +might well be added some means of supplementing the resources and +meeting the wants of the poorer clergy. I visited yesterday the Clergy +Orphan School. I was informed that that school was perfectly full—more +full than it had ever been before—and still there were twice as many +applicants for admission as there were places to admit them to. Does not +this show it is very desirable we should all of us direct our efforts to +see that the charity of our fellow-Churchmen should be appealed to, to +assist in the education of the orphan children of our clergy, and not +only the orphan children?”</p> +<p class="pnext">Our fellow Christians, the laymen, having laid for us three million +golden eggs in a short time (the lavish geese!) will not fail to give us +more to educate young men for the ministry; and more yet to pension our +worn-out clergy; and more yet again to educate the children, orphan and +not orphan, of our clergy. We archbishop and bishops, dean and chapter, +are so poor, so poor, so very very poor, that we can do nothing at all +for any of these miserable clerical critters; the whole revenues of +our State Church are so insignificant that they are quite inadequate +to provide decently for its ministers! But we know well that our dear, +good, stupid, unedified lay brethren and sisters will give all the +out-door relief we have the impudence to ask; will educate our young and +pension our old; marching ever briskly heavenwards to that cheerfulest +church chime: Giving, giving, giving; Dando, dando, dando! Does not our +Archbishop rival or outrival that worthy preaching monk, Barlette? +Here I must pause, but shall have to return again to the Charge, which +threatens to be a heavy charge indeed to the purses of the richer and +more foolish members of our impoverished State Church.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="spiritism-in-the-police-court"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id20">SPIRITISM IN THE POLICE COURT</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">W</span><span class="dropspan">e</span> have just had a couple of professional “mediums” in the police +courts, and it is to be heartily hoped that all their colleagues of any +notoriety will soon be submitted to the same searching test, and duly +rewarded according to their merits. At Huddersfield the Rev. Francis +Ward Monck, formerly a minister at Bristol, was cleverly caught out by +Mr. Lodge, a woollen merchant and amateur conjurer, who at the close +of a private seance offered to do all the “Doctor” had done, and +insisted on seeing his “paraphernalia.” The Doctor protested with +profuse virtuous indignation, but his detecter was firm. At length this +reverend medium took refuge in his own bedroom and locked himself in, +and while the profane sceptics were besieging the door he managed to +escape from the window by the help of a sheet. In his sore haste he left +behind him some of the “paraphernalia,” whose existence he had so +indignantly denied, including “spirit hands” and prepared musical +boxes. He took out a warrant against Mr. Lodge for the recovery of these +precious articles, and was met by a counter-warrant issued by the +chief constable under the Vagrant Act, for using subtle craft means and +devices to deceive and impose on certain of her Majesty’s subjects; +he being charged with thus defrauding one person of £20, while Mr. +Heppleston, a general dealer, in whose house the exposure took place, +had paid him £4 for two séances, the prisoner assuring him that the +manifestations were genuine, and were produced by spiritual agency. +The prisoner’s solicitor said that the Vagrant Act did not apply to a +gentleman in the position of Dr. Monck, who kept his carriage and yacht +at Bristol. We may admit that the application of the Vagrant Act is an +awkward and round-about mode of dealing with such cases, and the sooner +Parliament in its great wisdom provides a more direct and effectual +remedy, the better; nor could a stronger argument for its provisions be +adduced than the fact, if fact it be, that this reverend medium by the +illicit production of spirits very much below proof, has been getting +money enough to keep a carriage and yacht. When the Huddersfield +magistrates remanded him for a week at the request of the chief +constable, offering to accept bail, himself in £250, and two sureties +in £100 each, the bail was not forthcoming; and the prisoner made a +high-minded and pathetic appeal to the bench, “asking them not to make +him suffer the indignity of incarceration in the police-cells; he said +he had forsaken everything to follow this calling, believing in his +inmost soul that it was right.” So far as I can see, a convicted +burglar or manufacturer of counterfeit coin, might with as good reason +make just such an appeal; pleading pathetically that he had forsaken +everything to follow this calling, affirming nobly that he believed +in his inmost soul that it was right; while as to the jemmy and the +skeleton keys, or the moulds and the battery, which had been seized in +his possession, they were manifestly for purely scientific experimental +investigations—exactly as were the spirit-hands affixed to wires and +the musical boxes of the Rev. “Doctor” Monck.</p> +<p class="pnext">The London case of “Doctor” Slade, is too well known to require +being detailed here. As his fee was a sovereign, well-off people having +much time to kill with any excitement, and empty heads to fill with +any nonsense (much the same sort of silly people as those for whom some +West-end High Church is the half-way house to the Pro-Cathedral), must +have been his most numerous visitors. Thus Society with a capital S took +great interest in him, and our penny daily press, always ready to pander +to Society, and to the snobbery of its readers who are not in Society +but ever on their knees worshipping it—our penny daily press furnished +full reports of the proceedings. Mr. Flowers, the magistrate at Bow +Street Police Court gave a written judgment on the case, sentencing +the “Doctor” to three months’ imprisonment with hard labor in the +House of Correction; which sentence to the credit of our common sense, +sadly discredited by much that came out on the trial, was received with +some applause, and Mr. Lewis the prosecuting solicitor was cheered by a +large crowd on leaving the court. Of course, there being money to back +the “medium,” notice of appeal was given, and bail accepted—the +defendant in £200, and two sureties of £100 each.</p> +<p class="pnext">In the course of the defence there was read from the <em class="italics">Spiritualist</em> an +account of a sitting with Slade by Mr. Serjeant Cox, who, as Mr. Flowers +observed, would, if an appeal were raised, be one of the judges of that +appeal. The said account, after relating various wonders, concludes +thus: “I offer no opinion on the causes of the phenomena, for I have +formed none. If they be genuine, it is impossible to exaggerate their +interest and importance. If they be an imposture it is equally important +that the trick should be exposed in the only way in which trickery can +be explained—by doing the same thing, and showing how it is done.” +Now this, at any rate, seems to show judicial fairness if not judicial +sagacity; and is beyond blame, as having been written before the learned +Serjeant (unless warned by the spirits) could have had any expectation +of being called upon to deliver a legal judgment on the matter. But +after Mr. Flowers had passed sentence, and the appeal had been raised, +this same Serjeant Cox, having become a prospective judge of the case, +opened the third session of the Psychological Society of Great Britain, +whereof he is president, and which, under such a president, will +doubtless do a vast deal for the science of psychology. According to the +report of the <em class="italics">Standard</em> of Friday the 3rd inst., much of the address of +this admirable judge and philosophical president “was an indictment +of materialist scientists for their attitude towards psycho-logy, and on +this point he said the most important event of the year in relation to +psychology had been the recent prosecution. Of the true motive for that +proceeding there could be no doubt. The pretence of public interests +was transparent.” To a mere layman the words of this judicial Serjeant +read very much like a reckless libel. Perhaps only a lawyer can properly +appreciate them. “The object really sought was plain enough. It was +not to punish Dr. Slade, but to discredit through him all psychological +phenomena, the proof of whose existence was destruction to the doctrines +of materialism.... Whether Dr. Slade was or was not guilty, the trial +had had the unlooked-for effect [!] of directing the attention of the +whole public to the fact that phenomena were asserted to exist... which +swept away now and for ever <em class="italics">the dark and debasing doctrines of the +materialists</em>.” After which, according to the same report, a Mr. +Dunlop, with admirable gravity, whether sincere or ironical, expressed +a high opinion of the judicial mind of the president! and said that he +felt sure that if the appeal in the Slade case came before Mr. Serjeant +Cox, he would give as dispassionate a decision as if he had had +no previous knowledge of the circumstances!! For myself, as a mere +unlearned layman, I can only ask in astonishment, Is this Serjeant Cox, +with his indecent partizanship and wild personal imputations, fit to sit +in judgment—I will not say on this Slade business—but on any case at +all which requires impartiality and discretion?</p> +<p class="pnext">“The dark and debasing doctrines of the materialists”! Can anything +be darker and more debasing in a so-called civilised time and country +than this Spiritism has proved itself from the beginning until bow? I +have yet to learn that the whole of its world of spirits, now for +many years at the beck and call of countless mediums, professional and +private, has ever dictated or written a single great sentence, revealed +a single great truth—discovered a single important fact. Nothing +but the dreamiest drivel, or delirium, the most wretched and imbecile +juggling tricks, with all sorts of evasions, and deceptions and lies! +Mr. Wallace himself, one of the few good men it has got hold of by some +weak place in their minds, in his evidence for Slade said “that he +attached no importance to the subject-matter of a message, but only to +its being written intelligibly, the subject-matter seldom being of any +value.” And for seldom he might fairly have said never. The truth is +the truth, whether dark or bright, debasing or ennobling; but if we are +called upon to consider a theory in these aspects, what, I ask again, +can be more dark and debasing than this, that we live after death to rap +and turn tables, play villainous snatches on light musical instruments, +write badly-spelt balderdash, dictate ungrammatical imbecilities or +lies, grasp hands and jog knees—all for the profit of showmen and the +hysterical wonder of fools? Who would not prefer annihilation to such +a degraded and idiotic immortality? Shakespeare, Bacon, Byron, Shelley, +and countless others who on earth were splendid geniuses, have been +called from their spheres by knaves or dupes, for what?—to show +themselves reduced to the hideous state of Swift’s Struldbrugs. The +only famous character I have heard of, not intellectually degraded +since death, was Bucephalus (see <em class="italics">Secularist</em>, number 40), who told +the company that he still took great interest in literary pursuits, +particularly in connection with education; Bucephalus, whose name +doubtless suggested an ancient philosopher to the shrewd medium, having +been the war-horse of Alexander the Great!</p> +<p class="pnext">We are compelled to accuse the religion which has been so long dominant +among us, of fostering the state of mind which welcomes these miserable +marvels instead of rejecting them with scorn. The Bible with its Witch +of Endor, its recognition of witchcraft, its magicians, its angels +releasing the Apostles, its doctrines of the supernatural, its abounding +miracles, has saturated the people with superstitiousness, whose evil +effects Science can but slowly counteract. And of those who have ceased +to submit themselves to the Bible, the larger number are still infected +with its non-natural spirit; having renounced one set of irrational +marvels, they yearn more or less consciously for another to replace it. +In this connection, the point on which Mr. Flower’s judgment turned is +very significant, and its significance is increased by the approval of +our most Christian press: “<em class="italics">I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature.</em>” This is exactly what Science demands. Carry out +honestly and thoroughly the application of this rule to the miracles +of the Bible, from the speaking serpent, to the birth, resurrection and +ascension of Jesus, and what sentence must be passed upon them? The Bow +Street Magistrate has given us a really excellent, concise, practical +maxim of rethought. When a Christian comes with his supernatural dogmas +and non-natural occurrences, one has but to answer on the judicial +authority of Mr. Flowers: “I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature.”</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="a-commission-of-inquiry-on-royalty"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id21">A COMMISSION OF INQUIRY ON ROYALTY</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> subjects for our solemn consideration are the seclusion of her Most +Gracious Majesty, and the complaints thereanent published in several +respectable journals. In order to investigate the matter thoroughly, we +constituted ourselves (the unknown number x) into a special Commission +of Inquiry. We are happy to state that the said Commission has concluded +its arduous labors, and now presents its report within a week of its +appointment; surely the most prompt and rapid of commissions. The cause +of this celerity we take to be the fact that the Commissioners were +unsalaried; we being unanimously of opinion that had we received good +pay for the inquiry throughout the period of our session, we could +have prolonged it with certain benefit, if not to the public yet to +ourselves, for a great number of years. If, therefore, you want a +Commission to do its work rapidly vote no money for it. And do not fear +that the most headlong haste in gathering evidence and composing the +report will diminish the value of such report; for when a Commission has +lasted for years or months it generally rises in a quite different state +of the subject matter from that in which it first sat, and the report +must be partly obsolete, partly a jumble of anachronisms. In brief, it +may be fairly affirmed as a general rule that no Commission of Inquiry +is of any value at all; the appointment of one being merely a dodge by +which people who don’t want to act on what they and everybody else see +quite well with their naked eyes, set a number of elderly gentlemen +to pore upon it with spectacles and magnifying glasses until dazed and +stupid with poring, in the hope that this process will last so long that +ere it is finished the public will have forgotten the matter altogether. +And now for the result of our inquiries on this subject, which is not +only immensely important, but is even sacred to our loyal hearts.</p> +<p class="pnext">A West-end tradesman complains bitterly that through the absence of the +Court from Buckingham Palace, and the diminished number and splendor of +royal pomps and entertainments, the “Season” is for him a very poor +season indeed. The Commissioners, find that the said tradesman (whose +knowledge seems-limited to a knowledge of his business, supposing he +knows that) is remarkably well off; and consider that West-end tradesmen +have no valid vested interest in Royalty and the Civil List, that at the +worst they do-a capital trade with the aristocracy and wealthy classes +(taking good care that the punctual and honest shall amply overpay their +losses by the unpunctual and dishonest); that if they are not satisfied +with the West-end, they had better try the East-end, and see how +that will suit them; and, in short, that this tradesman is not worth +listening to.</p> +<p class="pnext">Numerous fashionable and noble people (principally ladies) complain that +they have no Court to shine, in. The Commissioners think that they shine +a great deal too much already, and in the most wasteful manner, gathered +together by hundreds, light glittering on light; and that if they really +want to shine beneficially in a court there are very many very dark +courts in London where the light of their presence would be most +welcome.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is complained on behalf of their Royal Highnesses the Prince and +Princess of Wales that they have to perform many of the duties +of royalty without getting a share of the royal allowance. The +Commissioners think that if the necessary expenses of the heir to the +throne are really too heavy for his modest, income, and are increased by +the performance of royal duties, he had better send in yearly a bill to +his Mamma for expenses incurred on her account, and a duplicate of the +same to the Chancellor to the Exchequer; so that in every Budget the +amount of the Civil List shall be equitably divided between her Majesty +and her Majesty’s eldest son, doubtless to their common satisfaction.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is complained on behalf of various foreign royal or ruling personages +that while they in their homes treat generously the visiting members of +our royal family, they are treated very shabbily when visiting here. The +Commissioners think that Buckingham Palace, being seldom or never wanted +by the Queen, and very seldom wanted for the reception of the English +Court, should be at all times open for such royal or ruling visitors; +that a Lord Chamberlain, or other such noble domestic servant should be +detailed to attend on them, and see to their hospitable treatment in +all respects; and that to cover the expenditure on their account a fair +deduction should be made from her Majesty’s share of the Civil List, +which deduction, being equitable her Majesty would no doubt view with +extreme pleasure.</p> +<p class="pnext">It is complained on the part of her Majesty’s. Ministers, that +when they want the royal assent and signature to important Acts of +Parliament, they have to lose a day or two and undergo great fatigue +(which is peculiarly hard on men who are mostly aged, and all +overworked) in travelling to and from Osborne or Balmoral. The +Commissioners think the remedy plain and easy, as in the two preceding +cases. Let a law be passed assuming that absence, like silence, gives, +consent; so that whenever her Majesty is not in town, the Speaker of +the Commons or the Lord Chancellor, or other great officer of State, be +empowered to seal and sign in her name, and generally to perform any +of her real and royal duties, on the formal demand of the Ministry, who +always (and not the Queen) are responsible to Parliament and the country +for all public acts.</p> +<p class="pnext">A taxpayer complains that for fourteen years her Majesty has been +punctually drawing all moneys allotted to support the royal dignity, +while studiously abstaining from all, or nearly all, the hospitalities +and other expensive functions incident to the support of the said +dignity. The Commissioners consider that her Majesty is perchance +benefiting the country more (and may be well aware of the fact) by +taking her money for doing nothing than if she did something for it; +that if she didn’t take the said money, somebody else would (as for +instance, were she to abdicate, the Prince of Wales, become King, would +want and get at least as much); so that while our Government remains as +it is, the complaint of the said taxpayer is foolish.</p> +<p class="pnext">Another Taxpayer, who must be a most mean-minded fellow, a stranger to +all sacred sympathies and hallowed emotions, says: “If a washerwoman, +being stupified by the death of her husband, neglected her business +for more than a week or two, she would certainly lose her custom or +employment, and not all the sanctity of conjugal grief (about which +reverential journalists gush) would make people go on paying her for +doing nothing; and if this washerwoman had money enough of her own to +live on comfortably, people would call her shameless and miserly if +she asked for or accepted payment while doing nothing; and if this +washerwoman had a large family of boys and girls around her, and shut +herself up to brood upon her husband’s death for even three or +four months, people would reckon her mad with selfish misery. The +Commissioners (as soon as they recover from the stupefaction of horror +into which this blasphemy has thrown them) consider and reply that +there can be no proper comparison of a Queen and a washerwoman, and that +nobody would think of instituting one, except a brute, a Republican, an +Atheist, a Communist, a, fiend in human form; that anyhow if, as this +wretch says, a washerwoman would be paid for a week or two without +working, in consideration of her conjugal affliction, it is plain that +a Queen, who (it will be universally allowed) is at least a hundred +thousand times as good as a washerwoman, is therefore entitled to at +least a hundred thousand times the “week or two” of salary without +performance of duty—that is, to at least 1,923 or 3,846 years, whereas +this heartless and ribald reprobate himself only complains that our +beloved Sovereign has done nothing for her wage throughout “fourteen +years.” The Commissioners therefore eject this complainant with +ineffable scorn; and only wish they knew his name and address, that they +might denounce him for prosecution to the Attorney-General.</p> +<p class="pnext">A Malthusian (whatever kind of creature that may be) complains that her +Majesty has set an example of uncontrolled fecundity to the nation and +the royal family, which, besides being generally immoral, is likely, at +the modest estimate of £6,000 per annum per royal baby, to lead to the +utter ruin of the realm in a few generations. The Commissioners, after +profound and prolonged consideration, can only remark that they do not +understand the complaint any better than the name (which they do not +understand at all) of the “Malthusian;” that they have always been +led to believe that a large family is a great honor to a legitimately +united man and woman; and that, finally, they beg to refer the +Malthusian to the late Prince Consort.</p> +<p class="pnext">A devotedly loyal Royalist (who unfortunately does not give the name +and address of his curator) complains that her Majesty, by doing nothing +except receive her Civil List, is teaching the country that it can get +on quite as well without a monarch as with one, and might therefore just +as well, and indeed very much better, put the amount of the Civil List +into its own pocket and call itself a Republic. The Commissioners +remark that this person seems the most rational of the whole lot of +complainants (most rational, not for his loyalty, but most rational +as to the grounds of his complaint, from his own point of view; in +accordance with the dictum, “A madman reasons rightly from wrong +premises; a fool wrongly from right ones,”) and that his surmise is very +probably correct—namely, that her Majesty is really a Republican in +principle, but not liking (as is perfectly natural in her position) +to publicly profess and advocate opinions so opposed to the worldly +interests of all her friends and relatives, has been content to further +these opinions practically for fourteen years past by her conduct, +without saying a word on the subject. The Commissioners, however, find +one serious objection to this surmise in the fact that if her Majesty +is really a Republican at heart, she must wish to exclude the Prince +of Wales from the Throne; while it seems to them that the intimate +knowledge she must have of his wisdom and virtues (not to speak of her +motherly affection) cannot but make her feel that no greater blessing +could come to the nation after her death than his reigning over it. +As this is the only complaint which the Commissioners find at once +well-founded and not easy to remedy, they are happy to know that it is +confined to the very insignificant class of persons who are “devotedly +loyal Royalists.”</p> +<p class="pnext">The Commissioners thus feel themselves bound to report that all the +complaints they have heard against our beloved and gracious Sovereign +(except the one last cited, which is of no importance) are without +foundation, or frivolous, or easily remedied, and that our beloved and +gracious Sovereign (whom may Heaven long preserve!) could not do better +than she is now doing, in doing nothing.</p> +<p class="pnext">But in order to obviate such complaints, which do much harm, whether ill +or well founded, and which especially pain the delicate susceptibilities +of all respectable men and women, the Commissioners have thought it +their duty to draw up the following project of a Constitution, not to +come into force until the death of our present beloved and gracious +Sovereign (which may God, if so it please Him, long avert!), and to be +modified in its details according to the best wisdom of our national +House of Palaver.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="draft"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id22">Draft</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">W</span><span class="dropspan">hereas</span> it is treasonable to talk of dethroning a monarch, but there can +be no disloyalty in preventing a person not yet a monarch from becoming +one:</p> +<p class="pnext">And whereas it is considered by very many, and seems proved by the +experience of the last ---- years that the country can do quite well +without a monarch, and may therefore save the extra expense of monarchy:</p> +<p class="pnext">And whereas it is calculated that from the accession of George I. +of blessed memory until the decease of the most beloved of Queens, +Victoria, a period of upwards of a century and a half, the Royal Family +of the House of Guelph have received full and fair payment in every +respect for their generous and heroic conduct in coming to occupy the +throne and other high places of this kingdom, and in saving us from the +unconstitutional Stuarts:</p> +<p class="pnext">And whereas the said Stuarts may now be considered extinct, and thus no +longer dangerous to this realm: And whereas the said Royal Family of the +House of Guelph is so prolific that the nation cannot hope to support +all the members thereof for a long period to come in a royal manner:</p> +<p class="pnext">And whereas the Dukes of this realm are accounted liberal and courteous +gentlemen:</p> +<p class="pnext">And whereas the constitution of our country is so far Venetian that it +cannot but be improved in harmony and consistency by being made more +Venetian still:</p> +<p class="pnext">Be it enacted, etc., That the Throne now vacant through the +ever-to-be-deplored death of her late most gracious Majesty shall +remain vacant. That the mem-ers of what has been hitherto the Royal +Family keep all the property they have accumulated, the nation resuming +from them all grants of sinecures and other salaried appointments. That +no member of the said Family be eligible for any public appointment +whatever for at least one hundred years. That the Dukes in the order of +their seniority shall act as Doges (with whatever title be considered +the best) year and year about, under penalty of large fines in cases of +refusal, save when such refusal is supported by clear proof of poverty +(being revenue under a settled minimum), imbecility, brutality, or other +serious disqualification. That no members of a ducal family within a +certain degree of relationship to the head of the house be eligible for +any public appointment whatever; the head of the house being eligible +for the Dogeship only. That the duties of the Doge be simply to seal and +sign Acts of Parliament, proclamations, etc., when requested to do so by +the Ministry; and to exercise hospitality to royal or ruling and other +representatives of foreign countries, as well as to distinguished +natives. That a fair and even excessive allowance be made to the Doge +for the expenses of his year of office. That the royal palaces be +official residences of the Doge. That the Doge be free from all +political responsibility as from all political power; but be responsible +for performing liberally and courteously the duties of hospitality, so +that Buckingham Palace shall not contrast painfully with the Mansion +House. Etc., etc.</p> +<p class="pnext">God preserve the Doge!</p> +<p class="pnext">The Commission of Inquiry having thus triumphantly vindicated our +beloved and gracious Sovereign against the cruel aspersions of people +in general, and having moreover drafted a plan for obviating such +aspersions against any British King or Queen in future, ends its Report, +and dissolves itself, with humble thankfulness to God Almighty whose +grace alone has empowered it to conclude its arduous labors so speedily, +and with results so incalculably beneficial.</p> +<p class="pnext">P. S.—Since the above report was drawn up, that ardent English patriot +and loyalist, Benjamin Disraeli, being by the grace of God and the late +Earl of Derby Prime Minister of this realm, has proposed that Parliament +shall enable her Most Gracious Majesty to assume the additional title of +Empress of India, and Parliament has so far humbly assented. Being sore +pressed by many cantankerous persons to give valid reasons for this +change, he has given reasons many and weighty; such as the earnest +desire of the princes and people of India, which desire has been so +abundantly expressed that the expressions thereof cannot be produced +lest they should overwhelm Parliament and destroy the balance of +the world in general; then the imposing authority of “Whitaker’s +Almanack,” a dissenting minister and a school-girl aged twelve: and +lastly the necessity of such a title for scaring all the Russias from +India. But I believe that in deference to the well-known modesty of her +Most Gracious Majesty he has not produced the most cogent reason of all, +which is that for her wonderful and continual goodness during the past +fourteen years in abstaining from the active functions of royalty, thus +not only doing no mischief but preparing us for a Republic de jure by +habituating us to a Republic <em class="italics">de facto</em>, she merits a great reward; and +that, as she has already more money than she knows what to do with, this +reward of royal virtue can most fittingly be rendered by her grateful +subjects promoting her to the rank of Empress. And it should be noted +that whereas the old title of Queen has a certain strength and stability +in the habitudes if not in the affections of the people, the new fangled +title of Empress has no such support, so that in assuming it our beloved +monarch is but working consistently and resolutely toward the great end +of her reign, the speedy abolition of monarchy and establishment of a +Republic.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="a-bible-lesson-on-monarchy"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id23">A BIBLE LESSON ON MONARCHY</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">(1876.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">T</span><span class="dropspan">he</span> old theory of “The right divine of kings to govern wrong,” and +the much-quoted text, “Fear God and honor the king,” seem to have +impressed many good people with the notion that the Bible is in favor of +monarchy. But “king” in the text plainly has the general meaning +of “ruler,” and would be equally applicable to the President of a +Republic. In Romans xiii. 1—3, we read: “Let every soul be subject +unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers +that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, +resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to +themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to +the evil.” Without stopping to discuss the bold assertion in the last +sentence, we may remark that the real teaching of this passage is +that Christians ought to be indifferent to politics, quietly accepting +whatever government they find in power; for if the powers that be are +ordained of God, or in other words, if might is right, all forms of +government are equally entitled to obedience so long as they actually +exist. Of course Christians are not now, and for the most part have not +been for centuries, really indifferent to politics, because for the most +part they now are and long have been Christians only in name; but it +is easy to understand from the New Testament itself why the first +Christians naturally were thus indifferent, and why Christianity has +never afforded any political inspiration. Nothing can be clearer to one +who reads the New Testament honestly and without prejudice than the fact +that Christ and his apostles believed that the end of the world was +at hand. Thus in Matt, xxiv., Jesus after foretelling the coming to +judgment of the son of man in the clouds of heaven with power and great +glory, when the angels shall gather the elect from the four winds, adds, +v. 34, “Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till +all these things be fulfilled.” This is repeated in almost the +same words in Mark xiii., and Luke xxi., and a careful reading of the +Epistles shows that their writers were profoundly influenced by this +prophecy. But with the world coming to an end so soon, it would be as +absurd to take any interest in its politics as for a traveller stopping +two or three days in an inn to concern himself self with schemes for +rebuilding it, when about to leave for a far country where he intends +settling for life. If therefore we want any political guidance from the +Holy Scriptures, we must go to the Old Testament, not to the New.</p> +<p class="pnext">Now the first lesson on Monarchy, which we remember made us think even +in childhood, is the fable of the trees electing a king, told by Jotham, +the son of Gideon, in Judges ix. The trees in the process of this +election showed a judgment much superior to that which men usually show +in such a business. It is true that they did not select first the most +strong and stalwart of trees, the cedar or the oak, but they had the +good sense to choose the most sweet-natured and bountiful, the olive, +then the fig, then the vine. But the bountiful trees thus chosen had +good sense too, and would not forsake the fatness and the sweetness and +the wine which cheereth God and man, to rule over their fellow trees. +Then the poor trees, like a jilted girl who marries in spleen the first +scamp she comes across, asked the bramble to be their king; and that +barren good-for-nothing of course accepted eagerly the crown which the +noble and generous had refused, and called upon the trees to put their +trust in its scraggy shadow, “and if not, let fire come out of the +bramble, and devour the cedars of Lebanon.” Young as we were when this +fable first caught our attention, we mused a good deal over it, and +even then began to learn that those most eager for supremacy, the most +forward candidates in elections, are nearly always brambles, not olives +or fig-trees or vines; and that the first thought of a bramble, when +made ruler over its betters, is naturally to destroy with fire the +cedars of Lebanon.</p> +<p class="pnext">But God himself in the case of the Israelites has vouchsafed to us +a very clear judgment on the question of Monarchy. In the remarkable +constitution for that people which he gave to Moses, he did not include +a king, and Israel remained without a king for more years than it is +worth while endeavoring to count here. We read, 1 Samuel viii., how +“All the elders of Israel gathered themselves together, and came to +Samuel unto Hamah, and said unto him, Behold thou art old, and thy +sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the +nations. But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king +to judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the Lord. And the Lord said unto +Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto +thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I +should not reign over them.</p> +<p class="pnext">“... Now therefore hearken unto their voice: how-beit yet protest +solemnly unto them, and show them the manner of the king that shall +reign over them.” Some students of the Bible may have thought that +God’s severe condemnation of the Israelites for wanting a king arose +chiefly from wounded pride, from the fact that they had rejected him, +and we cannot affirm that this feeling did not inflame his anger, for +he himself has said that he is a jealous God; but the protest which +he orders Samuel to make, and the exposition of the common evils of +kingship, prove clearly that God did not (and therefore, of course, +does not) approve this form of government. And, indeed, it is plain that +if he had approved it, he would have given it to his chosen people at +first. For although divines have termed the form of government under +which the Jews lived before the kings a theocracy, God did not then rule +immediately, but always through the medium of a high-priest or judge, +and could have governed through the medium of a king had he thought +it well so to do. And he who reads the history of the Jews under +the Judges, as contained in the Book of Judges, and especially the +narratives in chapters xvii. to xxi. which illustrate the condition of +Jewish society in those days when “there was no king in Israel: every +man did that which was right in his own eyes,” will see that God must +have thought a Monarchy very vile and odious indeed when he was angry +at the request for it, and implied that it was actually worse than that +government by Judges alternated with bondage under neighboring tribes +which the theologians call a theocracy. Samuel warned the people of what +a king would do, and doubtless thought he was warning them of the worst, +but kings have far outstripped all that the prophet could foresee. The +king, he said, will take your sons to be his warriors and servants; and +will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and cooks, and bakers. +This was the truth, and nothing but the truth, but it was not the whole +truth; for the sons have been taken to be far worse than mere warriors +and servants, and the daughters for much viler purposes than cooking +and baking. Samuel goes on: “And he will take your fields, and your +vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to +his servants”—when he does not keep them for himself might have +been added. “And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your +vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants.” Surely much +more than a tenth, O Samuel! We will not quote the remainder of this +wise warning. Like most wise warnings it was ineffectual; the foolish +people insisted on having a king, and in the following chapters we read +how Saul the Son of Kish, going forth to seek his father’s asses, +found his own subjects.</p> +<p class="pnext">The condemnation of Monarchy by God, as we read it in this instance, +is so thorough and general that we feel bound to add a few words on an +exceptional case in which a king is highly extolled in the Scriptures, +without any actions being recorded of him, as in the instances of +David and Solomon, to nullify the praise. The king in question was +Melchizedek, King of Salem, and priest of the most high God, who met +Abram returning from the defeat of the four kings and blessed him, and +to whom Abram gave tithes of all, as we read in Genesis xiv. But this +short notice of Melchizedek in Genesis does not by any means suggest to +us the full wonderfulness of his character, though we naturally conclude +from it that he was indeed an important personage to whom Abram gave +tithes of all. The New Testament, however, comes to our aid, and for +once gives us a most valuable political lesson, though the inspired +writer was far from thinking of political instruction when he wrote the +passage. In Hebrews vi., 20, and vii., 1 to 3, we read: “Jesus, +made an High Priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec. For this +Melchisedec, King of Salem, priest of the most high God, who met Abraham +returning from the slaughter of the kings, and blessed him; to whom also +Abraham gave a tenth part of all; first being by interpretation King +of righteousness, and after that also King of Salem, which is King of +peace; without father, without mother, without descent, having neither +beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; +abideth a priest continually.” Now he to whom Jesus is compared, and +who is like the Son of God, is clearly the noblest of characters; and +therefore, as the history in the first book of Samuel teaches us that +Monarchy is generally to be avoided, these fine verses from the Epistle +to the Hebrews delineate for us the exceptional king whose reign is to +be desired.</p> +<p class="pnext">The delineation is quite masterly, for a few lines give us +characteristics which cannot be overlooked or mistaken. This model +monarch must be a priest of the most high God—a king of righteousness +and king of peace; without father, without mother, without descent, +having neither beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the +Son of God. Whenever and wherever such a gentleman is met with, we would +advise even the most zealous Republicans to put him forthwith upon the +throne. But in the absence of such a gentleman we can hardly do wrong if +we follow the good advice of Samuel dictated by God Almighty, and manage +without any Monarch.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="principal-tulloch-on-personal-immortality"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id24">PRINCIPAL TULLOCH ON PERSONAL IMMORTALITY</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">[two excerpts.]</p> +<p class="pnext">(1877.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">D</span><span class="dropspan">r. Tulloch</span> has the sense to perceive and the candor to acknowledge that +even to those who have not any faith in God or Immortality, death +need not be terrible, and often is not; that they may be resigned or +peaceful, and meet the inevitable with a calm front; that they may be +even glad to be done with the struggle of existence. Of course this is +no news to us who have stood at the bedside of dying Materialists and +Atheists, or are familiar with trustworthy well-authenticated accounts +of the last hours of such persons. Still it is encouraging to find a +distinguished and influential minister openly recognising the facts, +instead of distorting them with the old contemptible pious fictions, +again and again repeated after being again and again refuted. But Dr. +Tulloch considers that only the light of the higher life in Christ can +glorify death. It would have been well had he been more specific as +to this higher life and the glory it casts on death. If they are as +described at length in the only authoritative Christian Scripture on +the subject, the Book of Revelation, it seems to me that the life is +anything but high, and radiates anything but glory. However, tastes +differ, and man is a queer fellow; and there may actually exist many +people who would prefer to annihilation a sort of everlasting Moody +and Sankey meeting, and would even regard this as celestial beatitude. +Concerning such I will only say with Goethe, I hope I shan’t go to +heaven with that lot! Yet these are not quite the lowest of the low in +our civilised Christendom; or are there not many who look forward with +complacency and even enthusiasm to a life beyond death, wherein they +shall be largely employed in rapping tables, jogging arms and scrawling +illiterate nonsense? Dr. Tulloch, in quoting St. Paul, seems to forget +that he was writing of himself and his fellow Christians, to whom his +words were thoroughly applicable; not of mankind in general, to whom +they were not, and by the construction of the sentence could not be. +“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the +most miserable;” we, the Christians. And why would they be of all men +the most miserable? Clearly because, in obedience to the injunctions +of their Master, they had cut themselves off from this world that they +might secure the next; had renounced wealth, honor, society, enjoyment, +all interest in art, science, literature, all political and national +aspirations, and had courted obloquy and persecution; so that if the +next life should turn out to be a mockery, a delusion and a snare, they +were of all men the most miserable, being the most miserably deluded. +Those poor simple early Christians (on the showing, true or false, of +the books all Christians revere as sacred and divine), having only Jesus +and his apostles to instruct them, had not reached that lofty mercantile +wisdom which made the late Mr. Binney one of the most popular preachers +in our pious and mercantile country, when he solved the problem of <em class="italics">How +to Make the Best of Both Worlds</em>. Of other-worldliness they indeed +had enough and to spare; but they lacked the large modern grasp which +combines and intermingles it with an equal measure of this worldliness. +“They didn’t know everything down in Judee;” and St. Paul, though +fairly intelligent and cultivated for his benighted time, was in a +deplorable need of some lessons from Weigh-house Chapel.</p> +<p class="pnext">When the worthy Principal says that men cannot find strength or comfort +in what has been called the Religion of Humanity, and that they crave a +personal life, is he aware that he has descended from the highlands +of morality and truth to the lowest lowlands of Paley and Binney +expediency? Is he aware that he is moreover begging the question, making +the monstrous assumption that men must get what they crave? I call this +the childish lollipop attraction of religion, so absurd as to be really +beneath the contempt of full-grown men and women. Just as young ones +would look forward to having the free range as long as they liked (which +they would interpret for ever and ever) of shops full of sweeties, so +those big babies, our dear simple Christian brethren, look forward to +their Lubberland of eternal bliss, in singing Glory! Glory! Glory! Their +claim to it is purely the infant’s, because they would like it. Their +mouths water, they lick their lips, they gurgle luxuriously with the +foretaste: “Oh, we shall be so ’ap-’ap-’appy! Canaan is a happy +place; we’ll go to the land of Canaan!” And usually these beatific +adult babies are creatures such as an intelligent man would be ashamed +to bring into the world, much more a God. You can’t endure an hour of +their society here, and they pester you to come and spend eternity with +them! I am really sorry to find Dr. Tulloch in such company.</p> +<p class="pnext">In conclusion, I ask the reader to note especially the preacher’s +avowal that his faith in personal immortality has no warrant from +Nature, no warrant from Science; nay, more, that the suggestions of +scientific analysis “mockingly sift the sources of life only to hint +our mortality.” There is indeed no temper of mockery in Science, but +its soberest deductions may well seem to mock with a terrible derision +the inordinate greed and self-conceit of men, who, because they profess +an unscientific and unnatural faith, have lost all sense of proportion +between their infinitesimal selves and the infinite Universe.</p> +<div class="clearpage"> +</div> +</div> +<div class="level-2 section" id="the-established-church"> +<h2 class="level-2 pfirst section-title title"><a class="toc-backref" href="#id25">THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH</a></h2> +<p class="pfirst">Its Real As Distinguished From Its Apparent Strength</p> +<p class="pnext">(1862.)</p> +<p class="pnext"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 3.00em">I</span><span class="dropspan">n</span> discussions with “Infidels,” Churchmen are very ready with +the taunt, “You are but a handful of’ fanatics. Nearly the whole +intellect of the nation is for us and against you.” In general the +taunt is merely parried by a “What matter, if <em class="italics">we</em> are right?” +whereas it should also be retorted by a counter-thrust of denial. For, +in truth, but a very small part of the intellect of the nation—<em class="italics">i.e.</em>, +intellect in the only sense in which it is of importance—<em class="italics">active</em> +intellect, is devoted to the Establishment or even to the Establishment +and the so-called Dissenters combined. If they only are the true +soldiers of the Church militant whom she spiritually feeds and equips +for the warfare of life, and who are loyal to her with their whole heart +and mind, how many legions must be deducted from the armies gathered +round her banners before we can fairly estimate her actual power in +the field! Should Jesus come to eliminate his true followers from the +multitudes of professing Christians, as Gideon selected his, three +hundred from the two and thirty thousand Israelites, let us consider +whom he would reject.</p> +<p class="pnext"><em class="italics">First</em>, all the cowards and hypocrites who simply cling to what appears +the dominant party, and who would therefore call themselves Atheists +were Atheism in the ascendant; a vile brood, the incumbrance and +disgrace of every cause they adopt; “hateful to God and to the enemies +of God”; of whom even to write is not pleasant.</p> +<p class="pnext"><em class="italics">Secondly</em>, the indifferent through lack of vitality; men of tepid heart +and inert brain, who are incapable of any strong sane affection. I use +the word <em class="italics">sane</em> because these creatures have intense self-love, which +in its essence is insane; and because also they may be frenzied by the +drunkenness of fanaticism, in which state they can die as devotedly as +they can murder atrociously. The adhesion of these also I count no gain +to any cause.</p> +<p class="pnext"><em class="italics">Thirdly</em>, the indifferent through excess of vitality, including the +most eminent “practical” men, soldiers, sailors, lawyers, engineers, +statesmen. These, applying their whole energies to their several +professions, rarely trouble themselves with theological any more than +with other extraneous matters, but passively acquiesce in whatever creed +may be prevalent around them. Their real church is the world; their real +worship is labor; and they no more add to the strength of their +nominal church than did the <em class="italics">savants</em> to that of Napoleon’s army in +Egypt—those <em class="italics">savants</em> whom the wise Napoleon always ordered (with the +donkeys) to the centre whenever an attack was expected. To these must +be added all the men whom we call fine animals, who enjoy such a +red-blooded life in this world that they are not subject to bilious +forebodings of another. Some classes of the most famous men—the poets, +philosophers, doctors, physicists, mathematicians—are commanded by +their very vocations to think seriously on some of the great theological +questions, and therefore, whether ranged for or against the Church, +count for something. The reader must ask his memory whether their weight +in the balance has preponderated for orthodoxy or for heterodoxy. The +statesmen I have counted among the indifferent, because their support +of religion, in whatever form, has been almost universally no more than +political.</p> +<p class="pnext"><em class="italics">Fourthly</em>, the supersubtle, including laymen and divines of first-rate +talent; who cannot help delighting in the exercise of their skill of +fence, and who instinctively feel that it is much harder to champion +any existing institution than to attack it, and naturally (like all +unconquerable knights-errant) prefer the most difficult <em class="italics">devoir</em>. Their +adhesion to the Church, therefore, though seeming to strengthen it, +really proclaims its weakness. Macaulay tells us how Halifax, the +Trimmer, always joined the losing side.</p> +<p class="pnext"><em class="italics">Fifthly</em>, the supremely reverential, including the very best of the +laymen and divines; men whose lofty reason is drowned in a yet deeper +faith, as mountain-peaks high as the highest in air are said to be +submerged in the abysses of the Atlantic. In many cases these might be +ranked in the preceding class; for it is a general rule that the more +reverence, the more subtlety. They see—how clearly!—the flaws and +imperfections of their Church, they even realise the danger of its total +fall; but they cannot tear themselves away from the venerable building +wherein all their forefathers worshipped, in whose consecrated precincts +all their forefathers were buried in hopes of a happy resurrection; +whose chants were the rapturous music and whose windows were the +heavenly glories of their pure childhood; whose prayers they repeated +night after night and morning after morning at their mother’s knee. +Can they leave this, with all its treasured holiness of antiquity for +some new bold glaring erection, wherein men certainly congregate ta +talk about God, but which might just as well be used as a warehouse or a +manufactory? No; rather than leave it they will believe, they will force +themselves to believe, that some miraculous renovation is at hand, or +that (as the structure was certainly raised by God) God will uphold +it in spite of the law of gravitation. These are the men who keep the +Church from falling into insignificance, but they are not essentially +hers. It is not she alone whom they could thus worship. Had they been +brought up idolators, idolatry must have retained almost the same +influence over spirits so reverentially humble, so loving and pure.</p> +<p class="pnext">And here it may be remarked that one can scarcely conceive a Church so +frail and gloomy and even vile, but that a fervent soul and a strong +intellect could fortify it with argument, adorn it with the gold and +jewels of imagination, illustrate its dark altars and vivify its dead +idols with the burning fire of spirituality, until it should be far more +noble and mighty and splendid than ever was aspired to by the majority +of men. But mark, such men as these of whom I speak do not derive their +religiousness from, but really bestow it upon the Church in which they +pray. She is subject and indebted to them, not they to her. She does not +nourish them, they nourish her. She is the statue, they are Pygmalion. +And they are indeed idolators, for they worship a creation of their own +souls. Perhaps Pygmalion himself fell down and adored his flushed and +breathing statue, thinking her, with artist-reverence, nothing less than +a transformation of Venus Urania. When one thinks of certain noble men +and women—as Maurice and Kingsley, Ruskin and the Browning—devoting +themselves in spite of themselves to an effete faith, one is sadly +reminded of poor Abishag the Shunammite wasting and withering her +healthful youth to cherish old worn-out David, “who knew her +not,” who could fill her with no new life, and who was, despite her +cherishing, so certainly near death. He had been a great king in his +time, but now his time was past, and as it was now the maiden’s +spring-time, he should have left her to live her proper life.</p> +<p class="pnext">But when all these are separated from the host, who are left to whom we +may point in answer to Emerson’s question, “In Christendom, where +is the Christian?” Strictly speaking there has never been but one +Christian—the man Christ Jesus. But I would give the title to those +who thoroughly believe the Bible after having investigated it to the +best of their power, who find its doctrines completely satisfy them, and +who sincerely endeavor to act up to those doctrines. How many of such +are there? I have known perhaps half a dozen. Has any reader known many +more? Will any one dare assert that they are more numerous in England +than the equally sincere Secularists or Atheists? I scarcely think any +honest and thoughtful person will.</p> +</div> +<p class="pnext">FINIS.</p> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 39119 ***</div> +</body> +</html> + diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e60f79e --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #39119 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/39119) diff --git a/old/39119-rst.rst b/old/39119-rst.rst new file mode 100644 index 0000000..816a4b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/39119-rst.rst @@ -0,0 +1,5825 @@ +.. -*- encoding: utf-8 -*- + +.. meta:: + :PG.Id: 39119 + :PG.Title: Satires And Profanities + :PG.Released: 2012-03-12 + :PG.Rights: Public Domain + :PG.Producer: David Widger + :DC.Creator: James Thomson + :DC.Creator: G. W. Foote + :DC.Title: Satires And Profanities + :DC.Language: en + :DC.Created: 1884 + + + +.. role:: smallit + :class: small italics + +.. role:: xlarge-bold + :class: x-large bold + +.. role:: small-caps + :class: small-caps + + + + + +======================= +SATIRES AND PROFANITIES +======================= + +.. pgheader:: + + +.. clearpage:: + +.. class:: center + + | :xlarge-bold:`SATIRES AND PROFANITIES` + | + | + | `By` + | + | :xlarge-bold:`James Thomson` + | + | :small-caps:`With a Preface by G. W. Foote` + | + | :smallit:`London` + | + | :small-caps:`1884` + + +.. clearpage:: + + + + +.. contents:: CONTENTS + :depth: 1 + :backlinks: entry + + + + + +.. clearpage:: + +PREFACE +======= + +.. dropcap:: B Believing + +Believing as I do that James Thomson is, since Shelley, the most +brilliant genius who has wielded a pen in the service of Freethought, +I take a natural pride and pleasure in rescuing the following articles +from burial in the great mausoleum of the periodical press. There will +doubtless be a diversity of opinion as to their value. One critic, +for instance, has called “The Story of a Famous Old Jewish Firm” +a witless squib; but, on the other hand, the late Professor Clifford +considered it a piece of exquisite mordant satire worthy of Swift. Such +differences are inevitable from the very nature of the subject. Satire, +more than any other form of composition, rouses antipathy where it does +not command applause; and the greater the satire, the more intense are +the feelings it excites. + +But which side, it may be inquired, is likely to be the best judge? +Surely the friendly one. Sympathy is requisite to insight, as Carlyle +says; while hostility blinds us to a thousand virtues and beauties. I am +aware that many will take objection to the employment of satire at +all, whether good or bad, on religious topics; but this seems to me +preposterous, and I should readily answer it, if Thomson had not done so +himself in the most vigorous and triumphant manner. + +Nearly all the pieces in this volume appeared originally in the National +Reformer or the Secularist. I have attempted no arrangement of them, not +even a chronological one; the compositor has shuffled them at his own +sweet will. All I have done, besides collecting them and carefully +reading the proofs, is to indicate in each case the year of first +publication; and I think the reader will approve this plan as both +modest and sensible. + +I am much mistaken if this volume does not become a well-prized treasure +to many Freethinkers; that it will ever be valued by the general public +I dare not hope. Yet the number of its admirers will increase with the +growth of a healthy scepticism. It will not fall like a bombshell +among ordinary readers, who serenely ignore the most terrible mental +explosives, and render them comparatively innocuous by mere force of +neglect; but it will startle and stimulate some minds, and in time its +influence will extend to many more. + +What value Thomson placed on these pieces it is difficult to decide. +“Working off the talent,” he once remarked when I mentioned them. +But the fact remains that he allowed one or two of them to be reprinted +as pamphlets before any of his poems were collected in a volume. He +naturally cared more for his poems than for his prose. What poet ever +did the contrary? But even for these he cared little, except “The City +of Dreadful Night” and a few others, which expressed his profoundest +convictions. + +There were several articles in his “Essays and Phantasies” that +proved Thomson to be a born satirist as well as a born poet; notably +“Proposals for the Speedy Extinction of Evil and Misery,” a +tremendous display of sustained irony, to my mind unsurpassed even by +Swift at his greatest, and with a poetic grandeur quite beyond him. The +contents of this volume show marks of the same strong hand. There is +never, perhaps, so continuous an exertion of power; but there is more +versatility, more freedom, and often more abandon. I fancy, too, there +is more rapidity and suppleness, and I am sure there is more mirth. + +Thomson’s satire was always bitterest, or at any rate most trenchant, +when it dealt with Religion, which he considered a disease of the mind, +engendered by folly and fostered by ignorance and vanity. He saw that +spiritual superstition not only diverts men from Truth, but induces +a slavish stupidity of mind, and prepares the way for every form of +political and social injustice. He was an Atheist first and a Republican +afterwards. He derided the idea of making a true Republic of a +population besotted with religion, paralysed by creeds cringing to the +agents of their servitude, and clinging to the chains that enthral them. + +A few words only as to Thomson’s life. Outwardly it was singularly +uneventful, although inwardly it was intense and exciting. He was bom at +Port Glasgow, on the 23rd of November, 1834; and he died in London, on +the 1st of June 1882. His father was a merchant captain, and his mother +a zealous Irvingite. Left parentless in his infancy, he was educated at +the Caledonian Orphan Asylum. For some years he served as a schoolmaster +in the army, during which time he contracted an intimate friendship with +Mr. Bradlaugh, with whom he subsequently worked and lived in London. +Soon after leaving Mr. Bradlaugh he devoted himself to journalism, to +which he brought a well-practised pen; contributing to the *National +Reformer, the Secularist, the Liberal, Cope’s Tobacco Plant*, and other +periodicals. Shortly before his death he gained access to the *Weekly +Dispatch* and the *Fortnightly Review*. His poems and essays were mostly +written before he tried to live by his pen. Four volumes of these have +been published by Reeves and Turner, under the generous editorship of +Mr. Bertram Dobell, who has prefixed a memoir to the last, entitled +“A Voice from the Nile and Other Poems.” Besides the five volumes +of Thomson’s writings now before the public, there are many essays and +articles and a few poems still uncollected, some of them of high value; +and many poems in manuscript, unknown to all but a few privileged +friends. Mr. Dobell hopes to publish them all in time. Thomson’s +poetical reputation is, however, already established. The best judges +give him the highest praise. My own judgment assigns him the next place +to Robert Browning. Of course it is no blasphemy to dispute my estimate; +but what prospect is there of reversing the common verdict of George +Eliot, George Meredith, Swinburne, and Rossetti? + +Mr. Dobell refers to the charm of Thomson’s manner in social +intercourse. His personal appearance told in his favor. He was of +the medium height, well-built, and active. He possessed that striking +characteristic sometimes found in mixed races—black hair and beard, +and grey-blue eyes. The eyes were fine and wonderfully expressive. They +were full of shifting light, soft grey in some moods and deep blue in +others. They contained depth within depth; and when he was moved by +strong passion they widened and flashed with magnetic power. When not +suffering from depression he was the life of the company. He was the +most brilliant talker I ever met, and at home in all societies; a fine +companion in a day’s walk, and a shining figure at the festive table +or in the social drawing-room. But you enjoyed his conversation most +when you sat with him alone, taking occasional draughts of our national +beverage, and constantly burning “the divine weed.” + +Thomson’s sympathy with radical and revolutionary causes is not much +noticed by Mr. Dobell, but it was very strong. He was secretary for some +time to the Polish Committee in London, and his glorious lines on “A +Polish Insurgent” which I for one can never read without tears, proves +that he might have written the noble songs that George Eliot hoped +he would compose. He sympathised with all self-sacrifice, all lofty +aspiration, and in particular with all suffering. This last emotion +was often betrayed by a look rather than expressed in words. I vividly +remember being with him once on a popular holiday at the Alexandra +Palace. We were seated on the grass, watching the shifting groups of +happy forms, and exchanging appreciative or satirical remarks. Suddenly +I observed my companion’s gaze fixed on a youth who limped by with +a pleasant smile on his face, but too obviously beyond hope of ever +sharing in the full enjoyment of life. Thomson’s eyes followed him +until he passed out of sight, and the next moment our eyes met. I shall +never forget the gentle sadness of that look, its beautiful sympathy +that transcended speech, and made all words poor. + +Thomson’s life was a long tragedy. He inherited from his father a +fatal curse, and in his youth he lost the beautiful girl to whom he was +engaged. She was the object of his passionate adoration, and allusions +to her often occur in his poems. Her image mingled with all the sombre +panoramas of Love and Death and Grief that passed before the eyes of +his imagination. Yet I do not agree with Mr. Dobell in regarding this +bereavement as the *cause* of his life-long misery. She was, I hold, +merely the peg on which he hung his raiment of sorrow; without her, +another object might have served the same purpose. He carried within +him his proper curse, constitutional melancholia. From long and careful +observation I formed this conclusion, and it explains Thomson’s life +and philosophy. I would not dogmatise, however; for the profundities and +subtleties of the human heart baffle all calculation. Certitude is +now impossible. The seal of eternal silence is set on Thomson’s +lips—“after life’s fitful fever he sleeps well.” He is buried +at Highgate, and his darling lies, I suspect, in an unknown grave. +Death has at last united them, but their love survives in the glory of +immortal song. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE DEVIL IN THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND +================================== +(1876.) + + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has delivered judgment +in the case of Jenkins v. Cook. Many of the highest personages in the +realm, including the Archbishop of Canterbury and the great law-lords, +were present to give weight and solemnity to the decision, which was +read by the Lord Chancellor. It was reported at full length in the +*Times* of the following day, Feb. 17, 1876, the length being two +columns of small print. + +I must try to indicate briefly the main facts of the case, before +hazarding any comments on it. Mr. Jenkins, of Christ Church, Clifton, +brought an action against his vicar, the Kev. Flavel S. Cook, for +refusing him the Sacrament of the Holy Communion. Mr. Cook justified the +refusal on the ground that Mr. Jenkins did not believe in the Devil, +all passages relating to the Devil and evil spirits having been excluded +from a bulky volume published by Mr. Jenkins, entitled “Selections +from the Old and New Testaments.” By the evidence of Mrs. Jenkins, who +attempted an amicable arrangement, it appears that Mr. Cook said to her: +“Let Mr. Jenkins write me a calm letter, and say he believes in the +Devil, and I will give him the Sacrament.” Whereupon Mr. Jenkins wrote +on July 20, 1874: “With regard to my book, ‘Selections from the Old +and New Testaments,’ the parts I have omitted, and which has enabled +me [meaning, doubtless, and the omission of which has enabled me] to +use the book morning and evening in my family are, in their present +generally received sense, quite incompatible with region or decency (in +my opinion). How such ideas have become connected with a book containing +everything that is necessary for a man to know, I really cannot say; I +can only sincerely regret it.” Mr. Cook replied in effect: “Then you +cannot be received at the Lord’s table in my church.” Mr. Jenkins, a +regular communicant, and admittedly a man of exemplary and devout life, +answered: “Thinking as you do, I do not see what other course you +could consistently have taken. I shall, nevertheless, come to the +Lord’s table as usual at ‘your’ church, which is also mine.” +Accordingly he presented himself, and was repelled, whereupon he brought +an action against Mr. Cook. + +The case was first tried in the Court of Arches, and the dean dismissed +the suit and condemned Mr. Jenkins in costs, saying, “I am of opinion +that the avowed and persistent denial of the existence and personality +of the Devil did, according to the law of the Church, as expressed in +her canons and rubrics, constitute the promoter [Mr. Jenkins] ‘an +evil liver,’ and ‘a depraver of the Book of Common Prayer and +Administration of the Sacraments,’ in such sense as to warrant the +defendant in refusing to administer the Holy Communion to him until he +disavowed or withdrew his avowal of the heretical opinion, and that the +same consideration applies to the absolute denial by the promoter of the +doctrine of the eternity of punishment, and, of course, still more to +the denial of all punishment for sin in a future state, which is the +legitimate consequence of his deliberate exclusion of the passages of +scripture referring to such punishment.” + +So far, so well; the Church of England was assured of the Devil and the +eternal punishment it has always held so dear. But Mr. Jenkins appealed +to the highest court, and this has reversed the decision of the lower, +admonished Mr. Cook for his conduct in the past, monished him to refrain +from the like offence in future, and condemned him in the costs of both +suits. Do you think, then, that the Church of England is authoritatively +deprived of her dear Devil and her beloved eternal punishment? Not at +all; the really important problem is evaded with consummate lawyerlike +wariness; the points in dispute are most shiftily shifted like slides +of a magic lantern; we have a new decision essentially unrelated to +that which it cancels; we have a judgment which concerns not the +Devil—except that he would chuckle over the too clever unwisdom which +fancies it can extinguish “burning questions” with legal wigs. + +Their most learned lordships in the first place observe that the learned +judge of the Court of Arches appears to have considered that the canon +and the rubric severally warrant the repulsion from the Lord’s +table of “an evil liver,” and “a depraver of the Book of Common +Prayer,” whereas the terms are “an open and notorious evil liver,” +and “common and notorious depravers.” This is a most pregnant +distinction, teaching us that an evil liver and a depraver of the said +book, as long as he is not notoriously such, is fully entitled to +the Holy Communion, fully entitled to the privilege of “eating and +drinking damnation to himself?” a privilege from which the notorious +evil liver and depraver is righteously debarred. + +Now, their most learned lordships find that there is absolutely no +evidence that the appellant was an evil liver, much less an open +and notorious evil liver. The Question follows, Was he a common and +notorious depraver of the Book of Common Prayer? It was contended that +the Selections, coupled with the letter of July 20, proved him to be +this. But the letter was not written spontaneously. He was invited by +the respondent, Mr. Cook, to write it. It was a friendly and private, +as well as a solicited, communication. Therefore, whatever be the +construction of the letter, and even if there be in it a depravation of +the Book of Common Prayer, still it would be impossible to hold that the +writing of such a letter in such circumstances could make the appellant +“a common and notorious depraver.” Whence it is clear that a man +may deprave the Book of Common Prayer as much as he pleases in private +conversation and letters, yet retain the precious privilege of “eating +and drinking damnation to himself” in the Holy Communion; he can +only forfeit this by common and notorious depravation of that blessed +book—for instance, by a depravation repeatedly published in a +newspaper, or persistently proclaimed by the town-crier. + +So far the law seems most clear, and the judgment quite incontestible. +But leaving the strait limits of the law, and looking at the facts in +evidence, there is one part of the judgment which to the common lay mind +is simply astonishing. Their most learned lordships “*desire to state +in the most emphatic manner that there is not before them any evidence +that the appellant entertains the doctrines attributed to him by the +Dean of Arches*;” wherefore their most learned and subtle lordships “do +not mean to decide that those doctrines are otherwise than inconsistent +with the formularies of the Church of England.” Nor, of course, do +they mean to decide that those doctrines *are* inconsistent with, those +formularies. No, “This is not the subject for their lordships’ +present consideration.” Indeed, “If they were [had been] called +upon to decide that [whether] those opinions, or any of them, could be +entertained or expressed by a member of the Church, whether layman or +clergyman, consistently with the law and with his remaining in communion +with the Church, they would have looked upon this case with much greater +anxiety than they now feel in its decision.” + +Mr. Jenkins compiles and publishes a book of “Selections from the +Bible,” carefully excluding all passages relating to the Devil and +evil spirits. The book is bulky; and, in fact, though this is not +expressly stated, seems to contain pretty well all the Bible except such +passages. He further exhibits in the case a book of selections from +the liturgy of the Church of England, apparently compiled on the same +principle of exclusion.. Mr. Cook sends through Mrs. J. a message: +“Let Mr. J. write me a calm letter, and say he believes in the Devil, +and I will give him the Sacrament.” Mr. J. replies, as we have seen, +that the parts he has omitted are, in his opinion, quite incompatible +with religion or decency, *in their generally received sense*; such +generally received sense being evidently (to all of us save their +most learned and subtle lordships) that in which the Church of +England receives them. Mr. C. replies, “Then I must refuse you the +Communion.” Mr. J. answers, “Thinking as you do, I do not see what +other course you could con-. sistently have taken;” and resolves to +test the question of legality. With these facts staring them in the +face, their most learned and most subtle lordships can, with the utmost +solemnity, and in the most emphatic manner, declare that there is not +any evidence before them that Mr. Jenkins does not believe in the Devil +in the common Church of England sense! What the eyes of laymen, however +purblind, cannot help seeing clearly, their far-sighted lordships, +putting on legal spectacles, dim with the dust of many ages, manage not +to discern at all. + +The question cannot be left thus undecided. As matters stand, the poor +Church does not know whether, legally, it has a Devil or not. Its Devil, +its dear and precious old Devil, is in a state of suspended animation, +neither dead nor alive; a most inefficient and burdensome Devil. He must +either be restored to full health and vigor, or buried away decently +for ever; decently and solemnly, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in the +presence of all their lordships of the Judicial Committee of the Privy +Council, reading the appropriate Church service over his grave. That +would be touching and impressive!—“Forasmuch as it hath pleased +Almighty God (with the sanction and authority of the Judicial Committee +of the Privy Council) of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul +of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to +the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and +certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus +Christ.” At present it appears that every clergyman and layman in the +Church has the legal right to sing as a solo in private, especially if +solicited, Beranger’s refrain, “*The Devil is dead! The Devil is +dead!*” while it is doubtful whether he is at liberty to chant it +publicly and in chorus—a state of things anomalous beyond even the +normal anomalism of all things in this our happy England. It is urgent +that some one, lay or cleric, should compel the decision which the suit +of Mr. Jenkins has failed to obtain. + +In considering the question whether disbelief in the Devil would +“deprave” the Prayer Book, we must refer to this book itself. It +contains three creeds—the Apostles’, the Nicene, and that called of +Athanasius. Of these the Nicene (the creed in the Communion Service, by +the way) mentions neither the Devil nor Hell; the Apostles’ and the +so-called Athanasian mention hell but not the Devil. In No. III. of the +Thirty-nine Articles hell is solidly established, but again there is no +mention of the Devil. It may be argued that hell implies the Devil, as +a fox-hole implies a fox; but his existence is not authoritatively +averred. Strangely enough, the only personage who, according to the +creeds and articles, has certainly been in hell, is Jesus Christ +himself: “He descended into hell; the third day he rose again from the +dead; he ascended into heaven.” What took *him* to hell? The Prayer +Book does not inform us. But we learn from the Epistle called 1 Peter, +chap. iii., 19, 20, and chap. iv., 6: “By which also he went and +preached unto the spirits in prison, which sometime were disobedient, +when once the long-suffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while +the ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is eight souls, were saved by +water.... For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are +dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live +according to God in the spirit.” Whence it appears that the spirits in +prison were not the Devil and his angels, but the spirits of those who +were drowned in the Flood for disobedience; and it furthermore appears +that these spirits were saved by the preaching of Christ; so that in +this famous harrying of hell, he seems to have left it as empty as the +mosstroopers in their forays left farmsteads. It is true that No. VI. of +the Articles settles the canon of the Old and New Testaments, and that +anyone daring to exclude from belief anything in this canon might be +convicted of depraving the Prayer Book. But in that case all the best +scholars and divines of the Church are guilty of this dreadful sin; +and not only guilty, but openly, commonly and notoriously guilty: and +therefore all merit repulsion from the Lord’s table. Let the truly +faithful clergy, those who believe all without question or distinction, +do their duty to the Articles of religion of their Church (the Creeds, +as I have pointed out, are neutral), and they will shut out from their +Communion nearly all the intelligent piety and learning which lend it +whatever dignity it still retains. Granted the canon in its integrity, +and the existence of a personal Devil, and the doctrine of eternal +punishment cannot be fairly disputed. Without multiplying texts, I may +refer to Revelation, chap. xx., as decisive on these points. + +From these considerations it follows that if the Church of England is +bound by her own articles she will hold fast to the Devil and hell, +and deny the privilege of her Communion to any one who depraves the +Prayer-Book by common and notorious disbelief in them. And for my own +part, I do not see how the Church could get on at all without a Devil +and hell, especially in competition with the other Christian sects, +which make unlimited use of both. The Devil is in fact as essential +to the Christian schemes as a leader of the opposition to that great +political blessing, government by party. If he were to die, or be +deposed, it would be necessary to elect another to the vacant dignity. +You cannot put the leadership in commission as the unfortunate Liberals +were taunted with doing, in their demoralisation after their disasters +of the General Election and Mr. Gladstone’s sudden retirement. Just +as Mr. Disraeli lamented the withdrawal of Mr. Gladstone, complaining +of the embarrassment caused to the Government by having no responsible +leader opposed to it, so we can imagine dear God lamenting the absence +of a Devil, and declaring that the Christian scheme could not work +well without one. His utter loss would make the government of the world +retrograde from an admirably balanced constitutional monarchy to a mere +Oriental absolute despotism. You must choose some one to lead, if only +in name and for the time, as the Whigs chose Lord Hartington. But though +Lord Hartington is still tolerated by us English, a Lord Hartington of +a Devil, be it said with all respect to both his lordship and his +Devil-ship, would scarcely be tolerated by either the celestial or the +infernal benches. + +In Beranger’s authentic record, already alluded to, of “The Death of +the Devil”—which, however, relates only to the Church of Rome—we +read how, on learning the catastrophe:— + +:: + + “The conclave shook with mortal fear; + Power and cash-box, adieu! they said; + We have lost our father dear, + The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” + +But while they they were in this passion of grief and despair, St. +Ignatius offered to take the place of the dead Devil; and none could +doubt that he with his Jesuits for imps would prove a most efficient +substitute. Wherefore the Church threw off its sorrow and welcomed his +offer with most holy rapture:— + +:: + + “Noble fellow! cried all the court, + We bless thee for thy malice and hate. + And at once his Order, Rome’s support, + Saw its robe flutter Heaven’s gate. + From the angel’s tears of pity fell: + Poor man will have cause to rue, they said; + St. Ignatius inherits Hell. + The Devil is dead! the Devil is dead!” + +Thus matters continued well for the Church of Rome, and, in fact, became +even better than before. But if the Devil should die in the Church of +England, whom has she that could efficiently take his place? She has no +saints except the disciples and apostles of the New Testament, and these +have long since gone to glory. Would Mr. Gladstone undertake the office? +or Mr. Beresford Hope, with the *Saturday Review* for his infernal +gazette? or the editor of the *Rock?* or he of the *Church Times?* +or the man who does religion for the *Daily Telegraph?* Each of these +distinguished gentlemen might well eagerly accept the candidature or a +post so lofty: but I fear that none of them could be considered equal +to its functions. Perhaps Mr. Disraeli has the requisite genius, and +probably he would be very glad to exchange the Premiership of little +England for that of large hell: but unfortunately he has already +committed himself to the side of the angels, meaning by angels the +humdrum Tory angels of heaven—for, as Dr. Johnson said, the Devil +was the first Whig. On the whole, the Church of England had better keep +loyal to its ancient and venerable Devil, being too impoverished in +intellect and character to supply a worthy successor. + +I have ventured to compare the government of the world in the Christian +scheme, by a God and a Devil, with our own felicitous government by +party. There is, however, or rather there appears to be, a striking +difference between the two. In our government, when the Prime Minister +finds himself decidedly in a minority, he goes out of office, and the +Leader of the Opposition goes in; in the Government of the World the +Leader of the Opposition seems to have always had an immense majority +(and his majority in these days is probably larger than ever before, +seeing that sceptics and infidels have multiplied exceedingly), yet the +other side is supposed to retain permanent possession of office. I say +“supposed,” because the Bible itself suggests that this popular +opinion is a mistake, the Devil (if there be a Devil) being entitled +by it the prince of this world, which surely implies his accession to +power. + +Although the Godhead or governing power of the world, according to the +Christian scheme, is usually spoken and written of as a trinity, it +is, in fact, quarterary or fourfold for Protestants, and quinary or +fivefold for Roman Catholics. The former have God the Father, God the +Son, God the Holy Ghost, and God the Devil; the latter supplement these +with Goddess the Virgin Mary. Both formally acknowledge the first three +as collectively and severally almighty, but Protestants implicitly +acknowledge the fourth, and Roman Catholics the fifth, as more almighty +still (these solecisms of dogma cannot be expressed without solecisms of +language). With the Roman Catholics I am not concerned here. With regard +to the Protestants, and those especially professing the Protestantism +of the Church of England, I may safely affirm that the Devil is not less +essential to their theology than is any person of the Trinity, or, in +fact, than are the three persons together. Indeed, the Father and the +Holy Ghost have been practically dispensed with, leaving Christ and +Satan to fight the battle out between themselves. + +As this is a gloriously scientific age, nobly enamored of the exact +sciences, I will endeavor to expound this sublime subject of the +divinity of the Church of England mathematically, even after the manner +of the divine Plato in Book VIII. of “The Republic,” treating of +divine and human generation; and in the “Timæus,” treating of +the creation of the universal soul. His demonstrations, indeed, are so +divinely obscure as to confound all the scholiasts; my demonstration, +however, shall be so translucent that even the most learned and subtle +lords of the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council, with their legal +spectacles on, shall not be able to help seeing through it. And whereas +the figures, which are shapes, are more intelligible to most people than +the figures which are numbers, let the exposition be geometrical. We +will say, then, that the Church of old conceived the divinity in the +form of an equilateral triangle, whereof the base was Christ as the +whole system was founded on belief in the Lord Jesus Christ, and the +Father and the Holy Ghost were the two sides, leaning each on the +other; and the Devil was the apex, as opposed to, and farthest from, our +blessed Savior. But in course of time the theologians (perhaps merely +wanting some occupation for their vigorous talents, perhaps deeming it +undignified to have two persons of the godhead supporting each other +obliquely like a couple of tipsy men, perhaps simply in order to make +matters square) set to work, and pushed up the two sides, so that each +might stand firm and perpendicular by itself. This process had two +unforeseen results; it expanded the apex, which was a very elastic +point, so that it became the crowning side of the square, and it so +unhinged the sides that after a brief upright existence they lost their +balance, and were carried to Limbo by the first wind of strange doctrine +which blew that way; and the Devil and Christ, or Christ and the Devil +(arrange the precedence as you please), were left alone confronting each +other. These two are of course equal and parallel, the main distinction +between them being that Christ is below, and the Devil above, or, in +other words, that the Devil is superior and Christ inferior (the Devil +seems entitled to the precedence). Thus matters have continued even to +the present time, the divinity showing itself, as we may say, without +form and void; and we are free to speculate on the momentous questions: +Will the crown (which is the Devil) fall into the base (which is +Christ)? Will the base float up into the crown? Will the two coalesce +half way? Will they both, unknit from their sides, be carried away to +Limbo by some blast of strange doctrine? One thing is certain, they +cannot long remain as they are. Rare Ben Jonson chanted the Trinity, or +Equilateral Triangle; rare Walt Whitman has chanted the Square Deific +(with Satan for the fourth side); no poet can care to chant the two +straight lines which, in the language of Euclid, and in the region of +intelligence, cannot enclose a space, but are as a magnified symbol of +equal—to nothing. + +P. S.—It may be appropriately added that the books of Euclid are +really symbolic and prophetic expositions of most sublime and sacrosanct +mysteries, though in these days few persons seem aware of the fact. Thus +the very first definition, “A point is position without magnitude,” +exactly defines every point of difference between the theologians. So +a line, which is as the prolongation of a point, or length without +breadth, represents in one sense (for each symbol has manifold meanings) +the history of any theological system. An acute angle is, say, Professor +Clifford; an obtuse angle, Mr. Whalley; a right angle, the present +writer: *non angeli sed Angli*. The first proposition, “To erect an +equilateral triangle upon a given finite straight line,” indicates the +problem solved by Christianity, when it erected the Trinity on the basis +of the man we call Jesus. This pregnant subject should be worked out in +detail through the whole eight books. + + +.. clearpage:: + + +RELIGION IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS +=============================== + +Top of Pike’s Peak, March 4th, 1873. + +.. dropcap:: H Honored + +Honored with your special commission, I at once hurried across to +Denver, and thence still westward until I found myself among the big +vertebrae of this longish backbone of America. I have wandered to and +fro among the new cities, the advanced camps of civilisation, always +carefully reticent as to my mission, always carefully inquiring into +the state of religion both in doctrine and practice. You were so hopeful +that high Freethought would be found revelling triumphant in these high +free regions, that I fear you will be acutely pained by this my true +report. Churches and chapels of all kinds abound—Episcopalian, +Methodist Episcopal (for the Methodists here have bishops), +Presbyterian, Baptist, Congregational, Roman Catholic, etc. Zeal +inflaming my courage, three and even four times have I ventured into a +church, each time enduring the whole service; and if I have not ventured +oftener, certainly I had more than sufficient cause to abstain. For as +I suffered in my few visits to churches in your England, so I suffered +here; and such sufferings are too dreadful to be frequently encountered, +even by the bravest of the brave. Whether my sensations in church are +similar to those of others, or are peculiar to myself, I cannot be sure; +but I am quite sure that they are excruciating. On first entering I +may feel calm, wakeful, sane, and not uncomfortable, except that here I +rather regret being shut in from the pure air and splendid sky, and in +England rather regret having come out through the raw, damp murk, and in +both regret that civilisation has not yet established smoking-pews; but +the Church is always behind the age. It is pleasant for awhile to note +the well-dressed people seated or entering; the men with unctuous hair +and somewhat wooden decorum; the women floating more at ease, suavely +conscious of their fine inward and outward adornments. It is pleasant +to keep a hopeful look-out for some one of more than common beauty or +grace, and to watch such a one if discovered. As the service begins, and +the old, old words and phrases come floating around me, I am lulled into +quaint dream-memories of childhood; the long unthought-of school-mates, +the surreptitious sweetstuff, the manifold tricks and smothered +laughter, by whose aid (together with total inattention to the service, +except to mark and learn the text) one managed to survive the ordeal. +The singing also is pleasant, and lulls me into vaguer dreams. +Gradually, as the service proceeds, I become more drowsy; my small +faculties are drugged into quiet slumber, they feel themselves off +duty, there is nothing for which they need keep awake. But, with the +commencement of the sermon, new and alarming symptoms arise within me, +growing ever worse and worse until the close. Pleasure departs with +tranquility, the irritation of revolt and passive helplessness is acute. +I cannot find relief in toffy, or in fun with my neighbors, as when +I was a happy child. The old stereotyped phrases, the immemorial +platitudes, the often-killed sophistries that never die, come buzzing +and droning about me like a sluggish swarm of wasps, whose slow +deliberate stinging is more hard to bear than the quick keen stinging +of anger. Then the wasps, penetrating through my ears, swarm inside +me; there is a horrid buzzing in my brain, a portentous humming in my +breast; my small faculties are speedily routed, and disperse in blind +anguish, the implacable wasps droning out and away after them, and I am +left void, void; with hollow skull, empty heart, and a mortal sinking +of stomach; my whole being is but a thin shell charged with vacuity and +desperate craving; I expect every instant to collapse or explode. It +is but too certain that if anyone should then come to lead me off to +an asylum for idiots, or a Young Men’s Christian Association, or any +similar institution, I could not utter a single rational word to save +myself. And though all my faculties have left me, I cannot attempt to +leave the church; decorum, rigid and frigid, freezes me to my seat; +I stare stonily in unimaginable torture, feebly wondering whether the +sermon will outlast my sanity, or my sanity outlast the sermon. When +at length released, I am so utterly demoralised that I can but smoke +furiously, pour much beer and cram much dinner into my hollowness, and +so with swinish dozing hope to feel better by tea-time. Now, though in +order to fulfil the great duties you entrust to me, I have cheerfully +dared the Atlantic, and spent long days and perilous nights in railroad +cars, and would of course (were it indeed necessary) face unappalled +mere physical death and destruction, I really could not go on risking, +with the certainty of ere long losing, my whole small stock of brains; +especially as the loss of these would probably rather hinder than +further the performance of the said duties. For suppose me reduced to +permanent idiocy by church-going, become a mere brazen hollowness with a +riotous tongue like Cowper’s church-going bell; is it not most likely +that I would then turn true believer, renouncing and denouncing your +noble commission, even as you would renounce and denounce your imbecile +commissioner? + +Finding that I could not pursue my inquiries in the churches and +chapels, I was much grieved and perplexed, until one of those thoughts +occurred to me which are always welcome and persuasive, because in exact +agreement with our own desires or necessities. I thought of what I had +remarked when visiting your England: how the churches and chapels and +lecture-halls, each sect thundering more or less terribly against all +the others, made one guess that the people were more disputatious than +pious; how one became convinced, in spite of his infidel reluctance, +that the people were indeed, as a rule, thoroughly and genuinely +religious, by mingling freely with them in their common daily and +nightly life. I asked myself, What really proved to me the pervading +Christianity of England? the sermons, the tracts, the clerical +lectures, the missionary meetings? the cathedrals and other theatres and +music-halls crowded with worshippers on Sunday, while the museums and +other public-houses were empty and shut? No, scarcely these things; but +the grand princeliness of the princes, the true nobleness of the nobles, +the lowliness of the bishops, the sanctity of the clergy, the honesty of +the merchants, the veracity of the shopkeepers, the sobriety and thrift +of the artisans, the independence and intelligence of the rustics; the +general faith and hope and love which brightened the sunless days, the +general temperance and chastity which made beautiful the sombre nights; +the almost universal abhorrence of the world, the flesh, and the Devil; +the almost universal devotion to heaven, the spirit, and God. + +I thereupon determined to study the religion out here, even as I had +studied it in England, in the ordinary public and private life of the +people; and you will doubtless be sorely afflicted to learn that I have +found everywhere much the same signs of genuine, practical Christianity +as are so common and patent in the old country. The ranchmen have sown +the good seed, and shall reap the harvest of heavenly felicity; the +stockmen will surely be corraled with the sheep, and not among +the goats, at the last day; not to gain the whole world would the +storekeepers lose their own souls; the pioneers have found the narrow +way which leadeth unto life; the fishermen are true disciples, the +trappers catch Satan in his own snares, the hunters are mighty before +the Lord; bright are the celestial prospects of the prospectors, ana +the miners are all stoping-out that hidden treasure which is richer than +silver and much fine gold. As compared with the English, these Western +men are perchance inferior in two important points of Christian +sentiment: they probably do not fear God, being little given to fear +anyone; they certainly do not honor the king, perhaps because they +unfortunately have none to honor. On the other hand, as I have been +assured by many persons from the States and the old country, they +are even superior to the English in one important point of Christian +conduct. Christ has promised that in discharging the damned to hell at +the day of judgment, he will fling at them this among other reproaches, +“I was a stranger, and ye took me not in,” and this particular rebuke +seems to have wrought a peculiarly deep impression in these men, perhaps +because they have much more to do with strangers than have people in +old settled countries, so much, indeed, that the word “stranger” +is continually in their mouths. The result is (as the said persons from +England and the States have often solemnly assured me) that any and +every stranger arriving in these regions is most thoroughly, most +beautifully, most religiously taken in. So that should any of these fine +fellows by evil hap be among the accursed multitude whom Christ thus +addresses, they will undoubtedly retort in their frank fashion of +speech: “Wall, boss, it may be right to give us hell on other counts, +but you say you was a stranger and we didn’t take you in. What we want +to know is, Did you ever come to our parts to trade in mines or stock +or sich? If you *didn’t*, how the Devil *could* we take you in? if you +*did*, it’s a darned lie, and an insult to our understanding to say we +*didn’t*.” + +But though the practical life out here is so veritably Christian, you +still hope that at any rate the creeds and doctrines are considerably +heterodox. I am sincerely sorry to be obliged to destroy this hope. In +the ordinary talk of the men continually recur the same or almost the +same expressions and implications of orthodox belief, as are so common +in your England, and throughout Christendom. Why such formulas are +generally used by men only, I have often been puzzled to explain: it may +be that the women, who in all lands attend divine service much more than +do the men, find ample expression of their faith in the set times +and places of public worship and private prayer; while the men, less +methodical, and demanding liberal scope, give it robust utterance +whenever and wherever they choose. These formulas, as you must have +often remarked, are most weighty and energetic; they avouch and avow the +supreme personages and mysteries and dogmas of their religion; they are +usually but brief ejaculations, in strong contrast to those long prayers +of the Pharisees which Jesus laughed to scorn; and they are often so +superfluous as regards the mere worldly meaning of the sentences in +which they appear, that it is evident they have been interjected simply +to satisfy the pious ardor of the speaker, burning to proclaim in season +and out of season the cardinal principles of his faith. I say +speaker, and not writer, because writing, being comparatively cold and +deliberate, seldom flames out in these sharp swift flashes, that leap +from living lips touched with coals of fire from the altar.(1) + + 1. Is it not time that we wrote such words as this damn at + full length, as did Emily Brontë, the Titaness, whom + Charlotte justly indicates in this as in other respects; + instead of putting only initial and final letters, with a + hypocritical fig-leaf dash in the middle, drawing particular + attention to what it affects to conceal? These words are in + all men’s mouths, and many of them are emphatically the + leading words of the Bible. + +I am aware that these fervid ejaculations are apt to be regarded by +the light-minded as trivial, by the cold-hearted as indecorous, by the +sanctimonious as even profane; but to the true philosopher, whether he +be religious or not, they are pregnant with grave significance. For do +not these irrepressible utterances burst forth from the very depths of +the profound heart of the people? Are they not just as spontaneous and +universal as is the belief in God itself? Are they not among the most +genuine and impassioned words of mankind? Have they not a primordial +vigor and vitality? Are they not supremely of that voice of the people +which has been well called the voice of God? Thus when your +Englishman instead of “Strange!” says “The Devil!” instead +of “Wonderful!” cries “Good Heavens!” instead of “How +startling!” exclaims “O Christ!” he does more than merely express +his emotions, his surprise, his wonder, his amaze; he hallows it to the +assertion of his belief in Satan, in the good kingdom of God, in Jesus; +and, moreover, by the emotional gradation ranks with perfect accuracy +the Devil lowest in the scale, the heavens higher, Christ the loftiest. +When another shouts “God damn you!”(1) he not only condemns the evil +of the person addressed; he also takes occasion to avow his own strong +faith in God and God’s judgment of sinners. Similarly “God bless +you!” implies that there is a God, and that from him all blessings +flow. How vividly does the vulgar hyperbole “Infernally hot,” prove +the general belief in hell-fire! And the phrase “God knows!” not +merely declares that the subject is beyond human knowledge, but also +that an all-wise God exists. Here in the West, as before stated, such +brief expressions of faith, which are so much more sincere than long +formularies repeated by rote in church, are quite as common as in your +England. When one has sharply rebuked or punished another, he says “I +gave him hell.” And that this belief in future punishment pervades all +classes is proved by the fact that even a profane editor speaks of it +as a matter of course. For the thermometer having been stolen from his +sanctum, the said worthy editor announced that the mean cuss who took +it might as well bring or send it back (no questions asked) for it +could not be of any use to him in the place he was going to, as it +only registered up to 212 degrees. The old notion that hell or Hades is +located in the middle of the earth (which may have a scientific solution +in the Plutonic theory that we dwell on the crust of a baked dumpling +full of fusion and confusion) is obviously tallied by the miner’s +assertion that his vein was true-fissure, reaching from the grass-roots +down to hell. The frequent phrase “A God-damned liar,” “A +God-damned thief,” recognise God as the punisher of the wicked. I +have heard a man complain of an ungodly headache, implying first, the +existence of God, and secondly, the fact that the Godhead does not ache, +or in other words is perfect. Countless other phrases of this kind +might be alleged, a few of them astonishingly vigorous and racy, for +new countries breed lusty new forms of speech; but the few already given +suffice for my present purpose. One remarkable comparison, however, I +cannot pass over without a word: it is common to say of a man who has +too much self-esteem, He thinks himself a little tin Jesus on wheels. +It is clear that some profound suggestion, some sacrosanct mystery, must +underlie this bold locution; but what I have been hitherto unable to +find out. The connexion between Jesus and tin may seem obvious to such +as know anything of bishops and pluralists, pious bankers and traders. +But what about the wheels? Have they any relation to the opening chapter +of Ezekiel? It is much to be wished that Max Müller, and all other +such great scholars, who (as I am informed, for it’s not I that +would presume to study them myself) manage to extract whatever noble +mythological meanings they want, from unintelligible Oriental metaphors +and broken phrases many thousand years old, would give a few years of +their superfluous time to the interpretation of this holy riddle. +Do not, gentleman, do not by all that is mysterious, leave it to the +scholars of millenniums to come; proceed to probe and analyse and turn +it inside out at once, while it is still young and flourishing, while +the genius who invented it is still probably alive, if he deceased not +in his boots, as decease so many gallant pioneers. + +And here, before afflicting you further, O much-enduring editor, let me +soothe you a little by stating that some particles of heresy, some few +heretics, are to be found even here. I have learned that into a very +good and respectable bookstore in a city of these regions, certain +copies of Taylor’s “Diegesis” have penetrated, who can say how? +and that some of these have been sold. A living judge has been heard to +declare that he couldn’t believe at all in the Holy Ghost outfit. It +has also been told me of a man who must have held strange opinions as +to the offspring of God the Father, though certainly this man was not a +representative pioneer, being but a German miner, fresh from the States. +This Dutchman (all Germans here are Dutch, doubtless from *Deutsche*, +the special claims of the Hollanders being ignored) was asked solemnly +by a clergyman, “Who died to save sinners?” and answered “Gott.” +“What,” said the pained and pious pastor, “don’t you know +that it was Jesus the *Son* of God?” “Ah,” returned placidly the +Dutchman, “it vass one of te boys, vass it? I always dought it vass +te olt man himselben.” This good German may have been misled by the +mention of the sons of God early in Genesis, yet it is strange that he +knew not that Jesus is the only son of God, and our savior. A story is +moreover told of two persons, of whom the one boasted rather too often +that he was a self-made man, and the other at length quietly remarked +that he was quite glad to hear it, as it cleared God from the +responsibility of a darned mean bit of work. Whence some have inferred +the heresy that God is the creator of only a part of the universe; but +I frankly confess that in my own opinion the reply was merely a playful +sarcasm. + +The most decided heresy which has come under my own observation was +developed in the course of a chat between two miners in a lager-beer +saloon and billiard-hall; into the which, it need scarcely be remarked, +I was myself solely driven by the fierce determination to carry out my +inquiries thoroughly. Bill was smoking, Dick was chewing; and they stood +up together, at rather rapidly decreasing intervals, for drinks of such +“fine old Bourbon” rye whiskey as bears the honorable popular title +of rot-gut. The frequency with which the drinking of alcoholic liquors +leads to impassioned and elevated discussion of great problems in +politics, history, dog-breeding, horse-racing, moral philosophy, +religion, and kindred important subjects, seems to furnish a strong and +hitherto neglected argument against tee-totalism. There are countless +men who can only be stimulated to a lively and outspoken interest in +intellectual questions by a series of convivial glasses and meditative +whiffs. If such men really take any interest in such questions at other +times, it remains deplorably latent, not exercising its legitimate +influence on the public opinion of the world. Our two boys were +discussing theology; and having had many drinks, grappled with the +doctrine of the triune God. “Wall,” said Bill, “I can’t make +out that trinity consam, that three’s one and one’s three outfit.” +Whereto Dick: “Is that so? Then you wam’t rigged out for a +philosopher, Bill. Look here,” pulling forth his revolver, an action +which caused a slight stir in the saloon, till the other boys saw that +he didn’t mean business; “look here, I’ll soon fix it up for you. +Here’s six chambers, but it’s only one pistol, with one heft and one +barrel; the heft for us to catch hold of, the barrel to kill our enemy. +Wall, God a’mighty’s jest made hisself a three-shooter, while he +remains one God; but the Devil, he’s only a single-shot deringer: so +God can have three fires at the Devil for one the Devil can have at +him. Now can’t you figure it out?” “Wall,” said Bill, evidently +staggered by the revolver, and feeling, if possible, increased respect +for that instrument on finding it could be brought to bear toward +settlement of even such a difficulty as the present; “Wall, that pans +out better than I thought it could: but to come down to the bedrock, +either God’s a poor mean shot or his piece carries darned light; for +I reckon the Devil makes better play with his one chamber than God with +his three.” “Maybe,” replied Dick, with calm candor, strangely +indifferent to the appalling prospects this theory held out for our +universe; “some of them pesky little things jest shoot peas that rile +the other fellow without much hurting him, and then, by thunder, he lets +daylight through you with one good ball. Besides, it’s likely enough +the Devil’s the best shot, for he’s been consarned in a devilish +heap of shooting more than God has; at any rate”—perchance vaguely +remembering to have heard of such things as “religious wars”—“of +late years, between here and ’Frisco. Wall, I guess I don’t run the +creation. Let’s liquor;” manifestly deriving much comfort from +the consciousness that he had no hand in conducting this world. Bill +acquiesced with a brief “Ja,” and they stood up for another drink. +I am bound to attest that, in spite or because of the drinks, they +had argued throughout with the utmost deliberation and gravity, with +a dignified demeanour which Bishops and D.Ds. might envy, and ought to +emulate. + +Having thus comforted you with what little of heresy and infidelity I +have been able to gather, it is now my painful duty to advance another +class of proofs of the general religiousness here; a class of which you +have very few current specimens in England, unless it be among the +Roman Catholics. All comparative mythologists—indeed, all students +of history—are said to agree that the popular legends and myths of any +race at any time are of the utmost value, as showing what the race then +believed, and thus determining its moral and intellectual condition at +that period; this value being quite irrespective of the truth or untruth +to fact of the said legends. Hence in modern times collections of old +traditions and fairy tales have been excellently well received, whether +from the infantile literature of ancient peoples, as the Oriental and +Norse, or from the senile and anile lips of secluded members of tribes +whose nationality is fast dying out, as the Gaelic and Welsh. And truly +such collections commend themselves alike to the grave and the frivolous +for the scientific scholar finds in them rich materials for serious +study, and the mere novel-reader can flatter himself that he is studying +while simply enjoying strange stories become new by extreme old age. All +primitive peoples, who read and write little, have their most popular +beliefs fluidly embodied in oral legends and myths; and in this respect +the settlers of a new region, though they may come from the oldest +countries, resemble the primitive peoples. They are too busy with the +tough work of subduing the earth to give much time to writing or reading +anything beyond their local newspapers; they love to chat together when +not working, and chat, much more than writing, runs into stories. Thus +religious legends in great numbers circulate out here, all charged and +surcharged with faith in the mythology of the Bible. Of these it has +been my sad privilege to listen to not a few. As this letter is already +too long for your paper, though very brief for the importance of its +theme, I will subjoin but a couple of them, which I doubt not will be +quite enough to indicate what measureless superstition prevails in these +youngest territories of the free and enlightened Republic. + +It is told—on what authority no one asks, the legend being universally +accepted on its intrinsic merits, as Protestants would have us accept +the Bible, and Papists their copious hagiology—that St. Joseph, the +putative father of our Lord, fell into bad habits, slipping almost daily +out of Heaven into evil society, coming home very late at night and +always more or less intoxicated. It is suggested that he may have been +driven into these courses by unhappiness in his connubial and parental +relations, his wife and her child being ranked so much above himself +by the Christian world, and the latter being quite openly attributed to +another father. Peter, though very irascible, put up with his misconduct +for a long time, not liking to be harsh to one of the Royal Family; and +it is believed that God the Father sympathised with this poor old +Joseph, and protected him, being himself jealous of the vastly superior +popularity of Mary and Jesus. But at length, after catching a violent +cold through getting out of bed at a preposterous hour to let the +staggering Joseph in, Peter told him roundly that if he didn’t come +home sober and in good time, he must just stay out all night. Joseph, +feeling sick and having lost his pile, promised amendment, and for a +time kept his word. Then he relapsed; the heavenly life proved too +slow for him, the continual howling of “all the menagerie of the +Apocalypse” shattered his nerves, he was disgusted at his own +insignificance, the memory of the *liaison* between his betrothed +and the Holy Ghost filled him with gall and wormwood, and perhaps he +suspected that it was still kept up. So, late one night or early +one morning Peter was roused from sleep by an irregular knocking +and fumbling at the gate, as if some stupid dumb animal were +seeking admittance. “Who’s there?” growled Peter. “It’s +me—Joseph,” hiccoughed the unfortunate. “You’re drunk,” said +Peter, savagely. + +“You’re on the tear again; you’re having another bender.” +“Yes,” answered Joseph, meekly. “Wall,” said Peter, “you jest +go back to where you come from, and spend the night there; get.” “I +can’t,” said Joseph. “They’re all shut up; they’ve turned me +out.” “Then sleep outside in the open air; it’s wholesome, +and will bring you round,” said Peter. After much vain coaxing and +supplicating, old Joe got quite mad, and roared out, “If you don’t +get up and let me in at once, by God I’ll take my son out of the +outfit and bust up the whole consarn!” Peter, terrified by this +threat, which, if carried out, would ruin his prospects in eternal life +by abolishing his office of celestial porter, caved in, getting up and +admitting Joseph, who ever since has had a latch-key that he may go and +come when he pleases. It is to be hoped that he will never when tight +let this latch-key be stolen by one of the little devils who are always +lurking about the haunts of dissipation he frequents; for in that case +the consequences might be awful, as can be readily imagined. + +Again it is told that a certain miner, a tough cuss, who could whip +his weight in wild cats and give points to a grizzle, seemed uncommonly +moody and low-spirited one morning, and on being questioned by his chum, +at length confessed that he was bothered by a very queer dream. “I +dreamt that I was dead,” he explained; “and a smart spry pretty +little angel took me up to heaven.” “Dreams go by contraries,” +suggested the chum, by way of comfort. “Let that slide,” answered +the dreamer; “the point isn’t there. Wall, St. Peter wasn’t at the +gate, and the angel critter led me on to pay my respects to the boss, +and after travelling considerable we found him as thus. God the Father, +God the Son, God the Holy Ghost and Peter, all as large as life, were +playing a high-toned game of poker, and there was four heavy piles on +the table—gold, not shinplasters, you bet. I was kinder glad to +see that they played poker up in heaven, so as to make life there not +on-bearable; for it would be but poor fun singing psalms all day; I was +never much of a hand at singing, more particularly when the songs is +psalms. Wall, we waited, not liking to disturb their game, and I watched +the play. I soon found that Jesus Christ was going through the rest, +cheating worse than the heathen Chinee at euchre; but of course I +didn’t say nothing, not being in the game. After a while Peter showed +that he began to guess it too, if he wasn’t quite sure; or p’r’aps +he was skeared at up and telling Christ to his face. At last, however, +what does Christ do, after a bully bluff which ran Pete almost to +his bottom dollar, but up and show five aces to Pete’s call; and +‘What’s that for high?’ says he, quite cool. ‘Now look you, +Christ,’ shouts Pete, jumping up as mad as thunder, and not caring +a cent or a continental what he said to anybody; ‘look you, Christ, +that’s too thin; we don’t want any of your darned miracles here!’ +and with that he grabbed up his pile and all his stakes, and went off in +a mighty huff. Christ looked pretty mean, I tell you, and the game was +up. Now you see,” said the dreamer, sadly and thoughtfully, “it’s +a hard rock to drill and darned poor pay at that, if when you have a +quiet hand at poker up there, the bosses are allowed to cheat and a +man can’t use his deringer or put a head on ’em; I don’t know but +I’d rather go to the other place on those terms.” Not yet to be read +in books, as I have intimated, but circulating orally, and in versions +that vary with the various rhapsodists, such are the legends you may +hear when a ring is formed round the hotel-office stove at night, in +shanties and shebangs of ranchmen and miners, in the shingled offices +of judge and doctor, in railroad cars and steamboats, or when bumming +around the stores; whenever and wherever, in short, men are gathered +with nothing particular to do. The very *naïveté* of such stories +surely testifies to the child-like sincerity of the faith they express +and nourish. It is the simple unbounded faith of the Middle Ages, such +as we find in the old European legends and poems and mysteries, such as +your poetess Mrs. Browning well marks in Chaucer. + +Many of the so-called liberal clergy complain of the gulf which yawns in +this age of materialistic science between religion and every-day life, +in this world and the things are treated as mere thin abstractions, +they say; and only the lower things are recognised as real. These pious +pioneers, in the freshness and wonderfulness of their new life, overleap +this gulf without an effort, realising heaven as thoroughly as earth. +How could the communion and the human nature of saints be better +exhibited than in St. Joseph falling into dissipation and St. Peter +playing poker? How could the manhood as well as the Godhead of Jesus +Christ be more familiarly brought home to us than by his taking a hand +at this game and then miraculously cheating When generations have passed +away, if not earlier, such next, heaven + + “the infantine Familiar clasp of things divine.” + +The higher legends as these will assuredly be gathered by earnest and +reverent students as quite invaluable historical relics. They must fill +the Christian soul with delight; they must harrow the heart of him who +hath said in his heart, There is no God. + +In conclusion, I must again express my deep regret at being forced by +the spirit of truth to give you so favorable an account of the state +of religion out here, both in creed and practice. I trust that you +will lose no time and spare no exertion in attacking and, if possible, +routing out the Christianity now entrenched in these great natural +fortresses. Be your war-cry that of the first pioneers, “Pike’s Peak +or bust”; and be not like unto him found teamless half-way across +the plains, with the confession on his waggon-tilt, “Busted, by +thunder.” For you can come right out here by railroad now. As for +myself, I climbed wearily and with mortal pantings unto the top of this +great mountain, thinking it one of the best coigns of vantage whence to +command a comprehensive view of the sphere of my inquiries, and also a +spot where one might write without being interrupted or overlooked by +loafers. Unfortunately I have not been able to discover any special +religious or irreligious phænomena; for, though the prospect is indeed +ample where not intercepted by clouds or mist, very few of the people +and still fewer of their characteristics can be made out distinctly even +with a good glass. How I am to get down and post this letter puzzles me. +The descent will be difficult, dangerous, perhaps deadly. Would that I +had not come up. After all there is some truth in the Gospel narrative +of the Temptation: for by studying the general course of ecclesiastical +promotion and the characters of the most eminent churchmen, I was +long since led to recognise that it is indeed Satan who sets people on +pinnacles of the temple; and I am now moreover thoroughly convinced that +it is the Devil and the Devil only that takes any one to the top of an +exceeding high mountain. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE STORY OF A FAMOUS OLD JEWISH FIRM +===================================== + +(1866.) + +.. dropcap:: M Many + +Many thousand years ago, when the Jews first started in business, the +chief of their merchants was a venerable and irascible old gentleman +named Jah. The Jews have always been excellent traders, keen to scent +wealth, subtle to track it, unweary to pursue it, strong to seize it, +tenacious to hold it; and the most keen, subtle, untiring, strong, +tenacious of them all, was this Jah. The patriarchs of his people paid +him full measure of the homage which Jews have always eagerly paid to +wealth and power, and all their most important transactions were carried +out through him. In those antique times people lived to a very great +age, and Jah is supposed to have lived so many thousands of years that +one may as well not try to count them. Perhaps it was not one Jah that +existed all this while, but the house of Jah: the family, both for pride +and profit, preserving through successive generations the name of its +founder. Certain books have been treasured by the Jews as containing +exact records of the dealings of this lordly merchant (or house) both +with the Jews themselves and with strangers. Many people in our times, +however, have ventured to doubt the accuracy of these records, arguing +that some of the transactions therein recorded it would have been +impossible to transact, that others must have totally ruined the richest +of merchants, that the accounts often contradict each other, and that +the system of book-keeping generally is quite unworthy of a dealer so +truthful and clear-headed as Jah is affirmed to have been. The records +are so ancient in themselves, and they treat of matters so much more +ancient still, that it is not easy to find other records of any sort +with which to check their accounts. Strangely enough the most recent +researches have impugned the accuracy of the most ancient of these +records; certain leaves of a volume called the “Great Stone Book,” +having been brought forward to contradict the very first folio of the +ledger in which the dealings of Jah have been posted up according to the +Jews. It may be that the first few folios, like the early pages of most +annals, are somewhat mythical; and the present humble compiler (who is +not deep in the affairs of the primaeval world, and who, like the late +lamented Captain Cuttle with his large volume, is utterly knocked up +at any time by four or five lines of the “Great Stone Book”) will +prudently not begin at the beginning, but skip it with great comfort and +pleasure, especially as many and learned men are now earnest students of +this beginning. We will, therefore, if you please, take for granted +the facts that at some time, in some manner, Jah created his wonderful +business, and that early in his career he met with a great misfortune, +being compelled, by the villainy of all those with whom he had dealings +to resort to a wholesale liquidation, which left him so poor, that for +some time he had not a house in the world, and his establishment was +reduced to four male and as many female servants. + +He must have pretty well recovered from this severe shock when he +entered into the famous covenant or contract with Abraham and his heirs, +by which he bound himself to deliver over to them at a certain, then +distant, period, the whole of the valuable landed property called +Canaan, on condition that they should appoint him the sole agent for the +management of their affairs. In pursuance of this contract, he conducted +that little business of the flocks and herds for Jacob against one +Laban; and afterwards, when the children of Abraham were grown very +numerous, he managed for them that other little affair, by which they +spoiled the Egyptians of jewels of silver and jewels of gold; and it is +even asserted that he fed and clothed the family for no less than forty +years in a country where the commissariat was a service of extreme +difficulty. + +At length the time came when he was to make over to them the Land +of Canaan, for this purpose evicting the several families then in +possession thereof. The whole of the covenanted estate he never did make +over to them, but the Jews freely admit that this was through their own +fault. They held this land as mortgaged to him, he pledging himself not +to foreclose while they dealt with him faithfully and fulfilled all the +conditions of the covenant. They were to pay him ten per cent, per annum +interest, with sundry other charges, to put all their affairs into his +hands, to have no dealings whatsoever with any rival merchants, etc., +etc. Under this covenant the Jews continued in possession of the fine +little property of Canaan for several hundred years, and they assert +that this same Jah lived and conducted his business throughout the whole +period. But, as I have ventured to suggest, the long existence of the +house of Jah may have been the sum total of the lives of a series of +individual Jahs. The Jews could not have distinguished the one from the +other; for it is a strange fact that Jah himself, they admit, was never +seen. Perhaps he did not affect close contact with Jews. Perhaps he +calculated that his power over them would be increased by mystery; this +is certain, that he kept himself wholly apart from them in his private +office, so that no one was admitted even on business. It is indeed +related that one Moses (the witness to the execution of the covenant) +caught a glimpse of him from behind, but this glimpse could scarcely +have sufficed for identification; and it is said, also, that at certain +periods the chief of the priesthood was admitted to consultation +with him; but although his voice was then heard, he did not appear in +person—only the shadow of him was seen, and everyone will allow that +a shadow is not the best means of identification. And in further support +of my humble suggestion it may be noted that in many and important +respects the later proceedings attributed to Jah differ extremely in +character from the earlier; and this difference cannot be explained as +the common difference between the youth and maturity and senility of +one and the same man, for we are expressly assured that Jah was +without change—by which we are not to understand that either through +thoughtlessness or parsimony he never had small cash in his pocket +for the minor occasions of life; but that he was stubborn in his will, +unalterable in his ideas, persistent in his projects and plans. + +The records of his dealings at home with the Jews, and abroad with +the Egyptians, the Assyrians, the Philistines, the Babylonians, +the Persians, the Edomites, and other nations, as kept by the Jews +themselves, are among the strangest accounts of a large general business +which have ever been put down in black on white. And in nothing are they +more strange than in the unsullied candor with which the Jews always +admit and proclaim that it was their fault, and by no means the fault +of Jah, whenever the joint business went badly, and narrate against +themselves the most astonishing series of frauds and falsehoods, showing +how they broke the covenant, and attempted to cheat the other party in +every imaginable way, and, in order to ruin his credit, conspired +with foreign adventurers of the worst character—such as MM. Baal, +Ashtaroth, and Moloch. Jah, who gave many proofs of a violent and +jealous temper, and who was wont to sell up other debtors in the most +heartless way, appears to have been very patient and lenient with these +flagitious Jews. Yet with all his kindness and long-suffering he was +again and again forced to put executions into their houses, and throw +themselves into prison; and at length, before our year One, having, as +it would seem, given up all hope of making them deal honestly with +him, he had put certain strict Romans in possession of the property to +enforce his mortgage and other rights. + +And now comes a sudden and wonderful change in the history of this +mysterious Jah. Whether it was the original Jah, who felt himself +too old to conduct the immense business alone, or whether it was some +successor of his, who had not the same self-reliance and imperious +will, one cannot venture to decide; but we all know that it was publicly +announced, and soon came to be extensively believed, that Jah had taken +unto himself two partners, and that the business was thenceforth to +be carried on by a firm, under the style of Father, Son, and Co. It is +commonly thought that history has more of certainty as it becomes more +recent; but unfortunately in the life of Jah, uncertainty grows +ten times more uncertain when we attain the period of this alleged +partnership, for the Jews deny it altogether; and of those who believe +in it not one is able to define its character, or even to state its +possibility in intelligible language. The Jews assert roundly that the +alleged partners are a couple of vile impostors, that Jah still conducts +his world-wide business alone, that he has good reasons (known only +to himself) for delaying the exposure of these pretenders; and that, +however sternly he has been dealing with the Jews for a long time past, +and however little they may seem to have improved so as to deserve +better treatment, he will yet be reconciled to them, and restore them to +possession of their old land, and exalt them above all their rivals and +enemies, and of his own free will and absolute pleasure burn and destroy +every bond of their indebtedness now in his hands. And in support of +these modest expectations they can produce a bundle of documents which +they assert to be his promissory notes, undoubtedly for very large +amounts; but which, being carefully examined, turn out to be all framed +on this model: “I, the above-mentioned A. B.” (an obscure or utterly +unknown Jew, supposed to have lived about three thousand years ago), +“hereby promise in the name of Jah, that the said Jah shall in some +future year unknown, pay unto the house of Israel the following amount, +that is to say, etc.” If we ask, Where is the power of attorney +authorising this dubious A. B. to promise this amount in the name of +Jah? the Jews retort: “If you believe in the partnership, you must +believe in such power, for you have accepted all the obligations of the +old house, and have never refused to discount its paper: if you believe +neither in Jah nor in the partnership, you are a wretch utterly without +faith, a commercial outlaw.” In addition, however, to these remarkable +promissory notes, the Jews rely upon the fact that Jah, in the midst +of his terrible anger, has still preserved some kindness for them. +He threatened many pains and penalties upon them for breach of the +covenant, and many of these threats he has carried out; but the most +cruel and horrific of all he has not had the heart to fulfil: they +have been oppressed and crushed, strangers have come into their landed +property, they have been scattered among all peoples, a proverb and a +by-word of scorn among the nations, their religion has been accursed, +their holy places are defiled, but the crowning woe has been spared them +(Deut. xxviii., 44); never yet has it come to pass that the stranger +should lend to them, and they should not lend to the stranger. There is +yet balm in Gilead, a rose of beauty in Sharon, and a cedar of majesty +on Lebanon; the Jew still lends to the stranger, and does not borrow +from him, except as he “borrowed” from the Egygtian—and the +interest on money lent is still capable, with judicious treatment, of +surpassing the noble standard of “shent per shent.” + +And even among the Gentiles there are some who believe that Jah is still +the sole head of the house, and that the pair who are commonly accounted +junior partners are in fact only superior servants, the one a sort of +manager, the other general superintendent and agent, though Jah may +allow them a liberal commission on the profits, as well as a fixed +salary. + +—But the commercial world of Europe, in general, professes to believe +that there is a *bona fide* partnership, and that the three partners +have exactly equal authority and interest in the concern; that, in fact, +there is such thorough identity in every respect that the three may, and +ought to be, for all purposes of business, considered as one. The second +partner, they say, is really the son of Jah; though Jah, with that +eccentricity which has ever abundantly characterised his proceedings, +had this son brought up as a poor Jewish youth, apparently the child of +a carpenter called Joseph, and his wife Mary. Joseph has little or no +influence with the firm, and we scarcely hear of a transaction done +through him, but Mary has made the most profitable use of her old +*liaison* with Jah, and the majority of those who do business with the +firm seek her good offices, and pay her very liberal commissions. Those +who do not think so highly of her influence, deal with the house chiefly +through the son, and thus it has come to pass that poor Jah is virtually +ousted from his own business. He and the third partner are little more +than sleeping partners, while his mistress and her son manage every +affair of importance. + +This state of things seems somewhat unfair to Jah; yet one must own +that there are good reasons for it. Jah was a most haughty and humorous +gentleman, extremely difficult to deal with, liable to sudden fits of +rage, wherein he maltreated friends and foes alike, implacable when once +offended, a desperately sharp shaver in the bargain, a terrible fellow +for going to law. The son was a much more kindly personage, very affable +and pleasant in conversation, willing and eager to do a favor to any +one, liberal in promises even beyond his powers of performance, fond of +strangers, and good to the poor; and his mother, with or without reason, +is credited with a similar character. Moreover, Jah always kept himself +invisible, while the son and mother were possibly seen, during some +years, by a large number of persons; and among those who have never seen +them their portraits are almost as popular as photographs of the Prince +and Princess of Wales. + +With the real or pretended establishment of the Firm, a great change +took place in the business of Jah. This business had been chiefly with +the Jews, and even when it extended to foreign transactions, these +were all subordinate to the Jewish trade. But the Firm lost no time in +proclaiming that it would deal with the whole world on equal terms: +no wonder the Jews abhor the alleged partners! And the nature of the +contracts, the principal articles of trade, the mode of keeping the +accounts, the commission and interest charged and allowed, the salaries +of the agents and clerks, the advantages offered to clients, were all +changed too. The head establishment was removed from Jerusalem to Rome, +and branch establishments were gradually opened in nearly all the towns +and villages of Europe, besides many in Asia and Africa, and afterwards +in America and Australia. It is worth noting that in Asia and Africa +(although the firm arose in the former) the business has never been +carried on very successfully; Messrs. Brahma, Vishnu, Seeva, and Co., +the great houses of Buddha and Mumbo Jumbo, various Parsee firms, and +other opposition houses, having among them almost monopolised the trade. + +The novel, distinctive, and most useful article which the Firm engaged +to supply was a bread called *par excellence* the Bread of Life. The +Prospectus (which was first drafted, apparently in perfect good +faith, by the Son; but which has since been so altered and expanded +by successive agents that we cannot learn what the original, no longer +extant, exactly stated) sets forth that the House of Jah, Son and Co. +has sole possession of the districts yielding the corn whereof this +bread is made, the sole patents of the mills for grinding and ovens +for baking, and that it alone has the secret of the proper process +for kneading. The Firm admits that many other houses have pretended +to supply this invaluable bread, but accuses them all of imposture or +poisonous adulteration. For itself, it commands the genuine supply in +such quantities that it can under take to feed the whole world, and at +so cheap a rate that the poorest will be able to purchase as much as +he needs; and, moreover, as the firm differs essentially from all other +firms in having no object in view save the benefit of its customers, +the partners being already so rich that no profits could add to their +wealth, it will supply the bread for mere love to those who have not +money! + +This fair and beautiful prospectus, you will easily believe, brought +vast multitudes eager to deal with the firm, and especially large +multitudes of the poor, ravished with the announcement that love +should be henceforth current coin of the realm; and the business spread +amazingly. But at the very outset a sad mischance occurred. The Son, +by far the best of the partners, was suddenly seized and murdered and +buried by certain agents of the old Jewish business (furious at the +prospect of losing all their rich trade), with the connivance of the +Roman installed as inspector. At least, these wretches thought they had +murdered the poor man, and it is admitted on every side that they buried +him: but the dependants of the Firm have a strange story that he was +not really killed, but arose out of his tomb after lying there for three +days, and slipped away to keep company with his father, the invisible +Jah, in his exceedingly private office; and they assert that he is still +alive along with Jah, mollifying the old man when he gets into one of +his furious passions, pleading for insolvent debtors, and in all things +by act and counsel doing good for all the clients of the house. They, +moreover, assert that the third partner, who as the consoling substitute +for the absent Son is commonly called the Comforter, and who is very +energetic, though mysteriously invisible in his operations, superintends +all the details of the business in every one of the establishments. But +this third partner is so difficult to catch, that, as stated before, the +majority of the customers deal with the venerable mother, as the most +accessible and humane personage belonging to the house. + +Despite the death or disappearance of the Son, the firm prospered for +a considerable time. After severe competition, in which neither side +showed itself very scrupulous, the great firm of Jupiter and Co., the +old Greek house, which had been strengthened by the amalgamation of the +wealthiest Roman firms, was utterly beaten from the field, sold up and +extinguished. In the sale of the effects many of the properties in +most demand were bought in by the new firm, which also took many of the +clerks and agents into its employment, and it is even said adopted in +several important respects the mode of carrying on business and the +system of book-keeping. But while the firm was thus conquering its most +formidable competitor, innumerable dissensions were arising between its +own branch establishments; every one accusing every other of dealing on +principles quite hostile to the regulations instituted by the head of +the house, of falsifying the accounts, and of selling an article which +was anything but the genuine unadulterated bread. There were also +interminable quarrels among them as to relative rank and importance. + +And whether the wheat, as delivered to the various establishments, was +or was not the genuine article which the firm had contracted to +supply, it was soon discovered that it issued from the licensed shops +adulterated in the most audacious manner. And, although the prospectus +had stated most positively that the bread should be delivered to the +poor customers of the firm without money and without price (and such +seems really to have been the good Son’s intention), it was found, in +fact, that the loaves, when they reached the consumer, were at least as +costly as ever loaves of any kind of bread had been. It mattered +little that the wheat was not reckoned in the price, when agents’, +commissioners’, messengers’ fees, bakers’ charges, and a hundred +items, made the price total so enormous. When, at length, the business +was flourishing all over Europe, it was the most bewildering confusion +of contradictions that, perhaps, was ever known in the commercial world. +For in all the establishments the agents professed and very solemnly +swore that they dealt on principles opposed and infinitely superior +to the old principles of trade; yet their proceedings (save that they +christened old things with new names) were identical with those +which had brought to shameful ruin the most villainous old firms. The +sub-managers, who were specially ordered to remain poor while in the +business, and for obedience were promised the most splendid pensions +when superannuated, all became rich as princes by their exactions from +the clients of the house; the agents, who were especially commanded to +keep the peace, were ever stirring up quarrels and fighting ferociously, +not only with opposition agents but with one another. The accounts, +which were to be regulated by the most honest and simple rules, were +complicated in a lawless system, which no man could understand, and +falsified to incredible amounts, to the loss of the customers, without +being to the gain of the firm. In brief, each establishment was like +one of those Chinese shops where the most beautiful and noble maxims of +justice and generosity are painted in gilt letters outside, while the +most unblushing fraud and extortion are practised inside. When poor +customers complained of these things, they were told that the system +was perfect, that the evils were all from the evil men who conducted the +business! but the good people did not further explain how the perfection +of the system could ever be realised, since it must always be worked by +imperfect men. Complainants thus mildly and vaguely answered were very +fortunate; others, in places where the firm was very powerful, were +answered by imprisonment or false accusations, or by being pelted and +even murdered by mobs. Many who thought the bread badly baked were +themselves thrust into the fire. + +Yet so intense is the need of poor men for some bread of life, so +willing are simple men to believe fair promises, that, in spite of the +monstrous injustice and falsehood and cruelty and licentiousness of the +managers and submanagers and agents of the firm, the business continued +to flourish, and all the wealth of Europe flowed into its coffers. And +generations passed ere some persons bethought them to think seriously of +the original Deed of Partnership and the fundamental principles of the +Firm. These documents, which had been carefully confined in certain old +dead languages which few of the customers could read, were translated +into vulgar tongues, which all could read or understand when read, and +everyone began studying them for himself. This thinking of essentials, +which is so rare a thought among mankind, has already produced +remarkable effects, ana promises to produce effects yet more remarkable +in a short time. + +Behold a few of the questions which this study of the first documents +has raised.—The Father, whom no one has seen, is there indeed such a +personage? The Son, whom certainly no one has seen for eighteen hundred +years, did he really come to life again after being brutally murdered? +The junior partner, whom no one has ever seen, the Comforter, is he +a comforter made of the wool of a sheep that never was fleeced? The +business, as we see it, merely uses the names, and would be precisely +the same business if these names covered no personages. Do the managers +and submanagers really carry it on for their own profit, using these +high names to give dignity to their rascality, and to make poor people +believe that they have unbounded capital at their back? One is punished +for defamation of character if he denies the existence of the partners, +yet not the very chief of all the managers pretends to have seen any of +the three! + +And the vaunted Bread of Life, wherein does it differ from the old +corn-of-Ceres bread, from the baking of the wheat of Mother Hertha? +Chiefly in this, that it creates much more wind on the stomach. It is +not more wholesome, nor more nourishing, and certainly not more cheap: +and it does us little good to be told that it would be if the accredited +agents were honest and supplied it pure, when we are told, at the same +time, that we must get it through these agents. It is indeed affirmed +that, in an utterly unknown region beyond the Black Sea, the genuine +wheat may be seen growing by any one who discovers the place; but, as no +one who ever crossed the sea on a voyage of discovery ever returned, +the assertion rests on the bare word of people who have never seen the +corn-land any more than they have seen the partners of the firm; and +their word is bare indeed, for it has been stripped to shame in a +thousand affairs wherein it could be brought to the test. They tell us +also that we shall all in time cross the Black Sea, and if we have +been good customers shall dwell evermore in that delightful land, with +unlimited supplies of the bread gratis. This may be true, but how do +they know? It may be true that in the sea we shall all get drowned for +ever. + +These and similar doubts which, in many minds, have hardened into +positive disbelief, are beginning to affect seriously the trade of +the firm. But its interests are now so inextricably bound up with +the interests of thousands and millions of well-to-do and respectable +people, and on its solvency or apparent solvency depends that of so +large a number of esteemed merchants, that we may expect the most +desperate struggles to postpone its final bankruptcy. In the great +Roman establishment the manager has been supported for many years by +charitable contributions from every one whom he could persuade to give +or lend, and now he wants to borrow much more. The superintendent of the +shops in London is in these days begging for ten hundred thousand pounds +to assist the poor firm in its difficulties. + +It seems a good sum of money; but, bless you, it is but a drop in the +sea compared with what the business has already absorbed, and is still +absorbing. Scattered shops in the most distant countries have only been +sustained for many years by alms from customers here. The barbarians +won’t eat the bread, but the bakers sent out must have their salaries. +A million of pounds are being begged here; and people (who would +prosecute a mendicant of halfpence) will give it no doubt! Yet, O worthy +manager of the London Shops, one proved loaf of the real Bread would be +infinitely more valuable, and would infinitely more benefit your firm! +The villainy of the agents was monstrous, generation after generation, +the cost of that which was promised without money and without price was +ruinous for centuries; but not all the villainy and extortion multiplied +a hundredfold could drive away the poor hungry customers while they had +faith in the genuineness of the bread. It was the emptiness and the wind +on the stomach after much eating, which raised the fatal doubts as to +the *bona fides* of the whole concern. The great English managers had +better ponder this; for at present they grope in the dark delusion that +more and better bakers salaried with alms, and new shops opened with +eleemosynary funds will bring customers to buy their bran cakes as +wheaten loaves. A very dark delusion, indeed! If the pure promised bread +cannot be supplied, no amount of money will keep the business going very +long. Consider what millions on millions of pounds have been subscribed +already, what royal revenues are pouring in still; all meant for +investment in wholesome and nourishing food, but nearly all realised in +hunger and emptiness, heartburn and flatulence. The old Roman shrewdly +calculated that the House of Olympus would prove miserably insolvent +if its affairs were wound up, if it tried honestly to pay back all the +deposits of its customers. As for this more modern firm, one suspects +that, in like case, it would prove so insolvent that it could not pay +a farthing in the pound. For Olympus was a house that dealt largely in +common worldly goods, and of these things really did give a considerable +quantity to its clients for their money; but the new firm professed to +sell things infinitely more valuable, and of these it cannot prove the +delivery of a single parcel during the eighteen hundred years it has +been receiving purchase-money unlimited. + +The humble compiler of this rapid and imperfect summary ought, perhaps, +to give his own opinion of the firm and the partners, although he +suffers under the disadvantage of caring very little for the business, +and thinks that far too much time is wasted by both the friends and the +enemies of the house in investigation of every line and figure in its +books. He believes that Jah, the grand Jewish dealer, was a succession +of several distinct personages; and will probably continue to believe +thus until he learns that there was but one Pharaoh King of Egypt, but +one Bourbon King of France, and that the House of Rothschild has always +been one and the same man. He believes that the Son was by no means +the child of the Father, that he was a much better character than the +Father, that he was really and truly murdered, that his prospectus and +business plans were very much more wise and honest and good than the +prospectus as we have it now, and the system as it has actually been +worked. He believes that the Comforter has really had a share in this as +in every other business not wholly bad in the world, that he has never +identified his interests with those of any firm, that specially he +never committed himself to a partnership of unlimited liability with the +Hebrew Jah, that he undoubtedly had extensive dealings with the Son, and +placed implicit confidence in him while a living man, and that he will +continue to deal profitably and bountifully with men long after the firm +has become bankrupt and extinct. He believes that the corn of the true +bread of life is sown and grown, reaped, ground, kneaded, baked and +eaten on this side of the Black Sea. He believes that no firm or company +whatever, with limited or unlimited liability, has the monopoly for the +purveyance of this bread, that no charters can confer such monopoly, +that the bread is only to be got pure by each individual for himself, +and that no two individuals of judgment really like it prepared in +exactly the same fashion, but that unfortunately (as his experience +compels him to believe) the bulk of mankind will always in the future no +less than in the past persist in endeavoring to procure it through great +chartered companies, finally, he believes that the worthy chief baker +in London with his million of money is extremely like the worthy Mrs. +Partington with her mop against the Atlantic. + + +.. clearpage:: + +CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE UPPER CIRCLES +================================== + +(1866.) + +.. dropcap:: P Poor + +Poor dear God sat alone in his private chamber, moody, melancholy, +miserable, sulky, sullen, weary, dejected, supenally hipped. It was +the evening of Sunday, the 24th of December, 1865. Waters continually +dripping wear away the hardest stone; year falling after year will at +length overcome the strongest god: an oak-tree outlasts many generations +of men; a mountain or a river outlasts many celestial dynasties. A cold +like a thick fog in his head, rheum in his eyes, and rheumatism in his +limbs and shoulders, his back bent, his chin peaked, his poll bald, his +teeth decayed, his body all shivering, his brain all muddle, his heart +all black care; no wonder the old gentleman looked poorly as he cowered +there, dolefully sipping his Lachryma Christi. “I wish the other party +would lend me some of his fire,” he muttered, “for it is horribly +frigid up here.” The table was crowded and the floor littered with +books and documents, all most unreadable reading: missionary reports, +controversial divinity, bishops’ charges, religious periodicals, papal +allocutions and encyclical letters, minutes of Exeter Hall meetings, +ponderous blue books from the angelic bureaux—dreary as the humor of +*Punch*, silly as the critiques of the *Times*, idiotic as the poetry +of *All the Year Round*. When now and then he eyed them askance he +shuddered more shockingly, and looked at his desk with loathing despair. +For he had gone through a hard day’s work, with extra services +appropriate to the sacred season; and for the ten-thousandth time he had +been utterly knocked up and bewildered by the Athanasian Creed. + +While he sat thus, came a formal tap at the door, and his son entered, +looking sublimely good and respectable, pensive with a pensiveness +on which one grows comfortably fat. “Ah, my boy,” said the old +gentleman, “you seem to get on well enough in these sad times: come to +ask my blessing for your birthday *fête*?” “I fear that you are +not well, my dear father; do not give way to dejection, there was once a +man— + +“O, dash your parables! keep them for your disciples; they are not too +amusing. Alack for the good old times!” “The wicked old times +you mean, my father; the times when we were poor, and scorned, +and oppressed; the times when heathenism and vain philosophy ruled +everywhere in the world. Now, all civilised realms are subject to us, +and worship us.” “And disobey us. You are very wise, much wiser than +your old worn-out father; yet perchance a truth or two comes to me in +solitude, when it can’t reach you through the press of your +saints, and the noise of your everlasting preaching and singing +and glorification. You know how I began life, the petty chief of +a villainous tribe. But I was passionate and ambitious, subtle and +strong-willed, and, in spite of itself, I made my tribe a nation; and I +fought desperately against all the surrounding chiefs, and with pith of +arm and wile of brain I managed to keep my head above water. But I lived +all alone, a stern and solitary existence. None other of the gods was +so friendless as I; and it is hard to live alone when memory is a sea of +blood. I hated and despised the Greek Zeus and his shameless court; yet +I could not but envy him, for a joyous life the rogue led. So I, like an +old fool, must have my amour; and a pretty intrigue I got into with the +prim damsel Mary! Then a great thought arose in me: men cannot be loyal +to utter aliens; their gods must be human on one side, divine on the +other; my own people were always deserting me to pay homage to bastard +deities. I would adopt you as my own son (between ourselves, I have +never been sure of the paternity), and admit you to a share in the +government. Those infernal Jews killed you, but the son of a God could +not die; you came up hither to dwell with me; I the old absolute king, +you the modern tribune of the people. Here you have been ever since; and +I don’t mind telling you that you were a much more loveable character +below there as the man Jesus than you have proved above here as the Lord +Christ. As some one was needed on earth to superintend the executive, we +created the Comforter, prince royal and plenipotentiary; and behold us +a divine triumvirate! The new blood was, I must own, beneficial. We +lost Jerusalem, but we won Rome; Jove, Neptune, Apollo, Bacchus, and +the rest, were conquered and slain; our leader of the opposition ejected +Pluto and Pan. Only I did not bargain that my mistress should more than +succeed to Juno, who was, at any rate, a lawful wife. You announced that +our empire was peace; you announced likewise that it was war; both have +served us. Our power extended, our glory rose; the chief of a miserable +tribe has become emperor of Europe. But our empire was to be the whole +world; yet instead of signs of more dominion, I see signs that what we +have is falling to pieces. From my youth up I have been a man of war; +and now that I am old and weary and wealthy, and want peace, peace flies +from me. Have we not shed enough blood? Have we not caused enough tears? +Have we not kindled enough fires? And in my empire what am I? Yourself +and my mistress share all the power between you; I am but a name at +the head of our proclamations. I have been a man of war, I am +setting old and worn out, evil days are at hand, and I have never +enjoyed life; therefore is my soul vexed within me. And my own subjects +are as strangers. Your darling saints I cannot bear. The whimpering, +simpering, canting, chanting blockheads! You were always happy in a +pious miserableness, and you do not foresee the end. Do you know that +in spite of our vast possessions we are as near bankruptcy as Spain or +Austria? Do you know that our innumerable armies are a Chinese rabble +of cowards and traitors? Do you know that our legitimacy (even if yours +were certain) will soon avail us as little as that of the Bourbons has +availed them? Of these things you are ignorant: you are so deafened with +shouts and songs in your own praise that you never catch a whisper of +doom. I would not quail if I had youth to cope with circumstance; none +can say honestly that I ever feared a foe; but I am so weak that often +I could not walk without leaning on you. Why did I draw out my life to +this ignominious end? Why did I not fall fighting like the enemies I +overcame? Why the devil did you get born at all, and then murdered +by those rascally Jews, that I who was a warrior should turn into a +snivelling saint? The heroes of Asgard have sunk into a deeper twilight +than they foresaw; but their sunset, fervent and crimson with blood and +with wine, made splendid that dawnless gloaming. The joyous Olympians +have perished, but they all had lived and loved. For me, I have +subsisted and hated. What of time is left to me I will spend in another +fashion. Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die.” And he swallowed +hastily a bumper of the wine, which threw him into convulsions of +coughing. + +Serene and superior the son had let the old man run on. “Do not, I +entreat you, take to drink in your old age, dear father. You say that +our enemies lived and loved; but think how unworthy of divine rulers was +their mode of life, how immoral, how imprudent, how disreputable, how +savage, how lustful, how un-Chris-tian! What a bad example for poor +human souls!” “Human souls be blessed! Are they so much improved +now?... Would that at least I had conserved Jove’s barmaid; the +prettiest, pleasantest girl they say (we know you are a Joseph, though +you always had three or four women dangling about you); fair-ankled was +the wench, bright-limbed; she might be unto me even as was Abishag, the +Shunammite, unto my old friend David.” “Let us speak seriously, my +father, of the great celebration to-morrow.” “And suppose I *am* +speaking very seriously, you solemn prig; not a drop of my blood is +there in you.” + +Here came a hurried knocking at the door, and the angelic ministers of +state crawled in, with super-elaborate oriental cringings, to deliver +their daily reports. “Messages from Brahma, Ormuzd, etc., to +congratulate on the son’s birthday.” “The infidels! the +mockers!” muttered the son. “Good words,” said the father; “they +belong to older families than ours, my lad, and were once much more +powerful. You are always trying to win over the parvenus.” “A riot +in the holy city. The black angels organised to look after the souls of +converted negroes having a free fight with some of the white ones. My +poor lambs!” sighed the son. “Black sheep,” growled the father; +“what is the row?” “They have plumed themselves brighter than +peacocks, and scream louder than parrots; claim precedence over the +angels of the mean whites; insist on having some of their own hymns and +tunes in the programme of to-morrow’s concert.” “Lock’em all up, +white and black, especially the black, till Tuesday morning; they can +fight it out then—it’s Boxing Day. Well have quite enough noise +to-morrow without ’em. Never understood the nigger question, for my +part: was a slave-holder myself, and cursed Ham as much as pork.” +“New saints grumbling about lack of civilised accommodation: want +underground railways, steamers for the crystal sea, telegraph wires to +every mansion, morning and evening newspapers, etc., etc,; have had +a public meeting with a Yankee saint in the chair, and resolved that +heaven is altogether behind the age.” “Confound it, my son, have I +not charged you again and again to get some saints of ability up here? +For years past every batch has been full of good-for-nothing noodles. +Have we no engineers, no editors at all.” “One or two engineers, we +believe, sire, but we can’t find a single editor.” “Give one +of the *Record* fellows the measles, and an old *l’Univers* hand the +cholera, and bring them up into glory at once, and we’ll have two +daily papers. And while you are about it, see whether you can discover +three or four pious engineers—not muffs, mind—and blow them up +hither with their own boilers, or in any other handy way. Haste, haste, +post haste!” “Deplorable catastrophe in the temple of the New +Jerusalem: a large part of the foundation given way, main wall fallen, +several hundred workmen bruised.” “Stop that fellow who just left; +countermand the measles, the cholera will be enough; we will only have +one journal, and that must be strictly official. If we have two, one +will be opposition. Hush up the accident. It is strange that Pandemonium +was built so much better and more quickly than our New Jerusalem!” +“All our best architects and other artists have deserted into Elysium, +my lord; so fond of the company of the old Greeks.” + +When these and many other sad reports had been heard, and the various +ministers and secretaries savagely dismissed, the father turned to the +son and said: “Did I not tell you of the evil state we are in?” +“By hope and faith and charity, and the sublime doctrine of +self-renunciation, all will yet come right, my father.” “Humph! let +hope fill my treasury, and faith finish the New Jerusalem, and charity +give us peace and quietness, and self-renunciation lead three-quarters +of your new-fangled saints out of heaven; and then I shall look to have +a little comfort.” “Will you settle to-morrow’s programme, sire? +or shall I do my best to spare you the trouble?” “You do your best +to spare me the trouble of reigning altogether, I think. What programme +can there be but the old rehearsal for the eternal life (I wish you may +get it)? O, that horrible slippery sea of glass, that bedevilled throne +vomiting thunders and lightning, those stupid senile elders in white +nightgowns, those four hideous beasts full of eyes, that impossible +lamb with seven horns and one eye to each horn! O, the terrific +shoutings and harpings and stifling incense! A pretty set-out for my +time of life I And to think that you hope some time or other to begin +this sort of thing as a daily amusement, and to carry it on for ever and +ever! Not much appearance of its beginning soon, thank goodness—that +is to say,, thank badness. Why can’t you have a play of Aristophanes, +or Shakespeare, or Molière? Why should I meddle with the programme? +I had nothing to do with first framing it. Besides, it is all in your +honor, not in mine. You like playing the part of the Lamb; I’m much +more like an old wolf. You are ravished when those beasts give glory and +honour and thanks; as for me, I am utterly sick of them. Behold what +I will do; I must countenance the affair, but I can do so without +disturbing myself. I’ll not go thundering and roaring in my +state-carriage of the whirlwind; I’ll slip there in a quiet cloud. +You can’t do without my glory, but it really is too heavy for my aged +shoulders; you may lay it upon the throne; it will look just as well. +As for my speech, here it is all ready written out; let Mercury, I mean +Raphael or Uriel, read it; I can’t speak plainly since I lost so many +teeth. And now I consider the matter, what need is there for my actual +presence at all? Have me there in effigy; a noble and handsome dummy can +wear the glory with grace* Mind you have a handsome one; I wish all the +artists had not deserted us. Your pious fellows make sad work of us, +my son. But then their usual models are so ugly; your saints have good +reason to speak of their vile bodies. How is it that all the pretty +girls slip away to the other place, poor darlings? By the bye, who are +going on this occasion to represent the twelve times twelve thousand of +the tribes of Israel? Is the boy Mortara dead yet? He will make one +real Jew.” “We are converting them, sire.” “Not the whole gross +of thousands yet, I trust? Faugh! what a greasy stench there would +be—what a blazing of Jew jewelry! + +“Hand me the latest bluebook, with the reports.... + +“Ah, I see; great success! Power of the Lord Christ! (always you, of +course). Society flourishing. Eighty-two thousand pounds four shillings +and twopence three-farthings last year from Christians aroused to the +claims of the lost sheep of the House of Israel. (Very good.) Five +conversions!! Three others have already been persuaded to eat pork +sausages. (Better and better.) One, who drank most fervently of the +communion wine suffered himself to be treated to an oyster supper. +Another, being greatly moved, was heard to ejaculate, ‘O, +Christ!’... Hum, who are the five? Moses Isaacs: wasn’t he a +Christian ten years ago in Italy, and afterwards a Mahommedan in +Salonica, and afterwards a Jew in Marseilles? This Mussulman is your +oyster-man, I presume? You will soon get the one hundred and forty-four +thousand at this rate, my son! and cheap too!” + +He chuckled, and poured out another glass of Lachryma Christi; drank it, +made a wry face, and then began coughing furiously. “Poor drink this +for a god in his old age. Odin and Jupiter fared better. Though decent +for a human tipple, for a divinity it is but *ambrosie stygiale*, as my +dear old favorite chaplain would call it. I have his devotional works +under lock and key there in my desk. *Apropos*, where is he? Left us +again for a scurry through the more jovial regions? I have not seen him +for a long time.” “My father! really, the words he used, the life he +led; so corrupting for the young saints! We were forced to invite him to +travel a little for the benefit of his health. The court *must* be kept +pure, you know.” “Send for him instantly, sir. He is out of favor +because he likes the old man and laughs at your saints, because he +can’t cant and loves to humbug the humbugs. Many a fit of the blues +has he cured for me, while you only make them bluer. Have him fetched at +once. O, I know you never liked him; you always thought him laughing +at your sweet pale face and woebegone airs, laughing ‘*en horrible +sarcasm et sanglante derision*’ (what a style the rogue has! what +makes that of your favorite parsons and holy ones so flaccid and flabby +and hectic?) ‘Physician, heal thyself!’ So, in plain words, you have banished +him; the only jolly soul left amongst us, my pearl and diamond and red +ruby of Chaplains, abstracter of the quintessence of pantagruelism! The +words he used! I musn’t speak freely myself now, and the old books I +wrote are a great deal too coarse for you Michael and Gabriel told +me the other day that they had just been severely lectured on the +earnestness of life by one of your new *protégés*; they had to kick +him howling into limbo. A fine set of solemn prigs we are getting!” +“My father, the holiness of sorrow, the infiniteness of suffering!” +“Yes, yes, I know all about it. That long-winded poet of yours (he +does an ode for you to-morrow?) began to sermonise me thereon. By +Jupiter, he wanted to arouse me to a sense of my inner being and +responsibilities and so forth. I very soon packed him off to the infant +school where he teaches the alphabet and catechism to the babies +and sucklings. Have you sent for my jovial, joyous, jolly Curé of +Meudon?” “I have; but I deeply regret that your Majesty thinks +it fitting to be intimate with such a free-liver, such a glutton and +wine-bibber and mocker and buffoon.” “Bah! you patronised the +publicans and sinners yourself in your younger and better days. The +strict ones blamed you for going about eating and drinking so much. I +hear that some of your newest favorites object to the wine in your last +supper, and are going to insist on vinegar-and-water in future.” + +Whereupon entered a man of a noble and courtly presence, lively-eyed +and golden bearded, ruddy complexioned, clear-browed, thoughtful, yet +joyous, serene and unabashed. “Welcome, thrice welcome, my beloved +Alcofribas!” cried the old monarch; “very long is it since last I +saw you.” “I have been exiled since then, your Majesty.” “And I +knew nothing of it!” “And thought nothing of it or of me until you +wanted me. No one expects the King to have knowledge of what is passing +under his eyes.” “And how did you manage to exist in exile, my poor +chaplain?” “Much better than here at court, sire. If your Majesty +wants a little pleasure, I advise you to get banished yourself. Your +parasites and sycophants and courtiers are a most morose, miserable, +ugly, detestable, intolerable swarm of blind beetles and wasps; the +devils are beyond comparison better company.” “What! you have been +mixing with traitors?” “Oh, I spent a few years in Elysium, but +didn’t this time go into the lower circles. But while I sojourned as a +country gentleman on the heavenly borders, I met a few contrabandists. I +need not tell you that large, yea, enormous quantities of beatitude +are smuggled out of your dominions.” “But what is smuggled in?” +“Sire, I am not an informer; I never received anything out of the +secret-service money. The poor angels are glad to run a venture at odd +times, to relieve the tedium of everlasting Te Deum. By the bye, I saw +*the* Devil himself.” “The Devil in my kingdom! What is Uriel about? +he’ll have to be superannuated.” “Bah! your Majesty knows very +well that Satan comes in and returns as and when he likes. The passport +system never stops the really dangerous fellows. When he honored me with +a call he looked the demurest young saint, and I laughed till I got +the lockjaw at his earnest and spiritual discourse. He would have taken +yourself in, much more Uriel. You really ought to get him on the list +of court chaplains. He and I were always good friends, so if anything +happens.... It may be well for you if you can disguise yourself as +cleverly as he. A revolution is not quite impossible, you know.” The +Son threw up his hands in pious horror; the old King, in one of his +spasms of rage, hurled the blue-book at the speaker’s head, which +it missed, but knocked down and broke his favorite crucifix. “Jewcy +fiction *versus* crucifixion, sire; *magna est veritas et prevalebit!* +Thank Heaven, all that folly is *out*side my brains; it is not the first +book full of cant and lies and stupidity that has been flung at me. Why +did you not let me finish? The Devil is no fonder than your sacred self +of the new opinions; in spite of the proverb, he loves and dotes upon +holy water. If you cease to be head of the ministry, he ceases to be +head of the opposition; he wouldn’t mind a change, an innings for him +and an outings for you; but these latest radicals want to crush both +Whigs and Tories. He was on his way to confer with some of your Privy +Council, to organise joint action for the suppression of new ideas. You +had better be frank and friendly with him. Public opposition and private +amity are perfectly consistent and praiseworthy. He has done you +good service before now; and you and your Son have always been of the +greatest assistance to him.” “By the temptation of Job! I must see +to it. And now no more business. I am hipped, my Rabelais; we must have +a spree. The cestus of Venus, the lute of Apollo, we never could find; +but there was sweeter loot in the sack of Olympus, and our cellars +are not yet quite empty. We will have a *petit souper* of ambrosia +and nectar.” “My father! my father! did you not sign the pledge to +abstain from these heathen stimulants?” “My beloved Son, with whom I +am not at all well pleased, go and swill water till you get the dropsy, +and permit me to do as I like. No wonder people think that I am failing +when my child and my mistress rule for me!” + +The Son went out, shaking his head, beating his breast, scrubbing his +eyes, wringing his hands, sobbing and murmuring piteously. “The poor +old God! my dear old father! Ah, how he is breaking! Alack, he will +not last long! Verily, his wits are leaving him! Many misfortunes and +disasters would be spared us were he to abdicate prudently at once. Or a +regency might do. But the evil speakers and slanderers would say that I +am ambitious. I must get the matter judiciously insinuated to the Privy +Council. Alack! alack!” + +“Let him go and try on his suit of lamb’s wool for to-morrow,” +said the old monarch. “I have got out of the rehearsal, my friend; +I shall be conspicuous by my absence; there will be a dummy in my +stead.” “Rather perilous innovation, my Lord; the people may think +that the dummy does just as well, that there is no need to support +the original.” “Shut up, shut up, O, my Curé; no more politics, +confound our politics! It is Sunday, so we must have none but chaplains +here. You may fetch Friar John and sweet Dean Swift and the amiable +parson Sterne, and any other godly and devout and spiritual ministers +you can lay hold of; but don’t bring more than a pleiad.” “With +Swift for the lost one; he is cooling his ‘sæva indignatio’ in +the Devil’s kitchen-furnace just now, comforting poor Addison, +who hasn’t got quit for his death-bed brandy yet.” “A night of +devotion will we have, and of inextinguishable laughter; and with the +old liquor we will pour out the old libations. Yea, Gargantuan shall be +the feast; and this night, and to-morrow, and all next week, and twelve +days into the new year the hours shall reel and roar with Pantagruelism. +Quick, for the guests, and I will order the banquet!” “With all my +heart, sire, will I do this very thing. Parsons and pastors, pious and +devout, will I lead back, choice and most elect souls worthy of the old +drink delectable. And I will lock and double bolt the door, and first +warm the chamber by burning all these devilish books; and will leave +word with the angel on guard that we are not to be called for three +times seven days, when all these Christmas fooleries and mummeries are +long over. Amen. Selah. *Au revoir*. Tarry till I come.” + + +.. clearpage:: + +A WORD ON BLASPHEMY. + +(1867.) + +This is one of our few and far-between outbursts of Rabelasian laughter, +irresistibly provoked by the aggressive absurdities of theology; and as +such I consider it thoroughly defensible. In all seriousness I affirm +that its mockery is far less “blasphemous” than the solemn outrage +on reason, the infernal damnation of all mankind who are sensible and +sane or who are even mad otherwise than the author, the cold-blooded +dissection of the infinite and eternal God as a superior surgeon may +dissect an inferior corpse, perpetrated by its prototype the so-called +Athanasian Creed. I do not see in what the statement that an old +monkey of the tribe once saw the tail of this great big monkey is more +irreverent than that other statement how Moses of the tribe of Levi once +saw the back parts of the Lord; whom the Church believes to be a Spirit +infinite, without parts, a sort of omnipresent æther or supersubtle +gas. Nor do I see that the monkey, who is at least a natural animal, is +a more outrageous symbol or emblem than the utterly unnatural Lamb as +it had been slain, with seven horns and seven eyes, encompassed by all +“the menagerie of the Apocalypse.” It would be easy to produce, I +think, mockeries far more insulting, buffooneries far more bitter +and malignant, lavished upon Paganism, Socinianism, Atheism, and many +another *ism*, in the works of the most saintly divines. The hierarchy +of Olympus is more venerable than the triune Lord of the New Jerusalem; +yet how is it treated in our most popular burlesques? I go to a theatre +and find a Christian audience, very tenderly sensitive as to their own +religious feelings rolling with laughter and thundering applause at +the representation of a ballet-girl Jupiter ascending in a car like a +monstrous coal-scuttle, with a deboshed mechanical eagle nodding its +head tipsily to the pit; a male Minerva, spectacles on nose, who takes +sly gulps from a gin bottle and dances a fish-fag carmagnole; a Bacchus +sprawling about drunken and brutish as Caliban; all uttering idiotic +puns and singing idiotic songs. And if other mythologies were equally +familiar, they would doubtless be maltreated with equal contempt. You +thus deliver over to your dismal comic writers, to your clowns and +merry-andrews and bayaderes, the gods of Homer and Æschylus, of +Herodotus, Pindar and Phidias, you the sanctimonious and reverent +modern Britons; and you cry out aghast against “atrocious blasphemy” +touching a Divinity, who was first the anthropomorphic clan-god of a +petty Syrian tribe, who grew afterwards into a vague Ormuzd with the +devil for Ahriman when this tribe had been captive in Babylonia, whom +you have filched from this tribe which you still detest and disdain, +with whom you have associated two colleagues declared by this tribe +(which surely ought to know best) utterly spurious, whom you worship +with rites borrowed from old pagans you decry, and discuss in divinity +borrowed from old philosophers and schoolmen you sneer at; who gave to +his tribe some millenniums back laws which you preserve in the filched +book of your idolatry, but which not one of you dare read to his wife +and children; whose son and colleague gave you laws which are certainly +readable enough, but which you are so far from obeying that you would +assuredly consign to Bedlam any one seeking to act upon them perfectly. + +But mockery of the Olympians hurts no one’s feelings, while mockery +of the Tri-unity hurts the feelings of nearly all who hear or see it? I +know that there are here and there a few pious and tender hearts, with +whom habitude has become nature; people who, having less intellectual +than cordial energy, more affection and reverence than curiosity and +self-reliance, pour their whole melted nature into whatever religious +moulds chance to be nearest, and harden to the exact shape and size of +the mould, so that any blow struck upon it jars and wounds them; and +the feelings of these I should be very loth to hurt. I care not for +propagandism in general, and in such cases above all propagandism is +certainly useless. Why seek to convert women to a struggling faith? Let +the women be always on the victorious side, let the men do the fighting +and endure the hardships. When their struggling faith has conquered such +triumph as it merits, they will find the women all at once in agreement +with them, converted not by ideas (for which women care not an +apple-dumpling) but by feminine love and loyalty to manhood. One must +always be very loth, I say, to wound the feelings of the pious and +tender hearts, of the beautiful feminine souls; and fortunately these +love to seclude themselves in tranquillity, avoiding debates and +controversies. Whose religious feelings, then, are likely to be wounded +by “atrocious blasphemies,” by “blasphemous indecencies”? The +feelings of “the gentle spirit of our meek Review,” the benign and +holy *Saturday!* The feelings of tract distributors, scripture-readers, +polemical parsons, all those in general who violate every courtesy of +life to thrust their narrowminded dogmas upon others, and who preach +everlasting damnation against people too sensible to care for their +ranting! They outrage our reason, they vilify our human nature, they +blaspheme our world, they pollute our flesh, and they wind up by dooming +us to eternal torture because we differ from them: these trifles are, +of course, not supposed to hurt *our* feelings. We endeavor to enthrone +human reason, to ennoble human nature, to restore the human body to its +pure dignity, to develop the beauty and glory of the world; and we +wind up, not by retorting upon them their fiendish curses, not even by +laughing at the idea of an almighty and all-good God, but by laughing at +their notions of an almighty and all-good God, who has a Hell ready +for the vast majority of us: this horrible laugh lacerates their +pious sensibilities, and we hear the venomous whine of “atrocious +blasphemy.” After condemning us to death they commit us for contempt +of court, which surely is an anomalous procedure! + +You can mock the Grecian mythology, you can burlesque Shakespeare, +without wounding any pious heart? No: Olympus is as sacred to many as +Mount Sion is to you; our own Shakespeare is as venerable and dear to us +as to you that bundle of dissimilar anonymous treatises which you have +made coherent by help of the bookbinder and called the Book of Books. +And mark this; the Grecian mythology is dead, is no longer aggressive +in its absurdities; the priestcraft and the foul rites have long since +perished, the beauty and the grace and the splendor remain. But your +composite theology is still alive, is insolently aggressive, its lust +for tyrannical dominion is unbounded; therefore we must attack it if we +would not be enslaved by it. The cross is a sublime symbol; I would no +more think of treating it with disrespect while it held itself aloft in +the serene heaven of poetry than of insulting the bow of Phoebus Apollo +or the thunderbolts of Zeus; but if coarse hands will insist on pulling +it down upon my back as a ponderous wooden reality, what can I do but +fling it off as a confounded burden not to be borne? + +And now let us consider for a moment the meaning of this word +“blasphemy,” which is the burden of the *S. R.’s* slanderous song; +not the legal meaning, but the philosophic, the sense in which it would +be used by enlightened and fair controversialists. The most Christian +*S. R.* says to the Atheistic Iconoclast, You blaspheme. Whom? The +Christian God! And the *S, R.* does not appear to see that it is +assuming the very existence of God which is in dispute between +itself and Iconoclast! For the Atheist, God is a figment, nothing; in +blaspheming God he therefore blasphemes nothing. A man really blasphemes +when he mocks, insults, pollutes, vilifies that which he really believes +to be holy and awful. Thus a Christian who really believes in the +Christian God (and there *may* be a hundred such Christians in England) +can be guilty of blasphemy against that God, whether that God really +subsists or not; for such a Christian in mocking or vilifying God would +really be violating the most sacred convictions of his own nature. +Speaking philosophically, an honest Atheist can no more blaspheme God +than an honest Republican can be disloyal to a King, than an unmarried +man can be guilty of conjugal infidelity. + + [This “Word on Blasphemy,” as I have ventured to call it, is + from a long article on the *Saturday Review* and the + *National Reformer*, the rest of which was of merely + temporary interest, and that only to the readers of those + two journals. The “outburst of Rabelasian laughter” which so + provoked the *Saturday Review*, was a short satire on + Christian theology and priestcraft, entitled “The Fanatical + Monkeys,” ascribed to Charles Southwell, and just then + published in the *National Reformer*.—Editor.] + + +.. clearpage:: + +HEINE ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS EXILE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT WHALES +========================================================= + +(From the “De l’Allemagne.”) (1867.) + +.. dropcap:: N Neptune + +Neptune is still the monarch of the empire of the seas, and Pluto +(although metamorphosed into the Devil) has retained the throne of +Tartarus. They have both been more lucky than their brother Jupiter, who +had to suffer specially the vicissitudes of fortune. This third son of +Saturn, who after the fall of his sire assumed the sovereignty of the +heavens, reigned for a long series of years on the summit of Olympus, +surrounded by a jovial court of high and of most high gods and demigods, +as well as on high and of most high goddesses and nymphs—their +celestial ladies of the bedchamber and maids of honor, who all led a +joyous life, replete with ambrosia and nectar, despising the clowns +attached to the soil down here, and taking no thought of the morrow. +Alas, when the reign of the Cross, the empire of suffering, was +proclaimed, the supreme Chronide emigrated and disappeared amidst the +tumult of the barbarian tribes which invaded the Roman world. All traces +of the ex-God were lost, and I have questioned in vain old chronicles +and old women; no one has been able to furnish me with any information +as to his destiny. I have burrowed in many a library, where I made them +bring me the most magnificent *codex* enriched with gold and jewels, +veritable odalisques in the harem of science; and as is the custom, I +here render my public thanks to the erudite eunuchs who, without too +much grumbling and sometimes even with affability, have given me access +to these luminous treasures confided to their care. I am now convinced +that the middle ages have not bequeathed to us any traditions concerning +the fate of Jupiter after the fall of Paganism. All that I have been +able to discover in connection with this subject is the history told me +long ago by my friend Niels Andersen. + +I have just mentioned Niels Andersen, and this good figure, at once so +droll and so lovable, emerges all riant in my memory. I must devote a +few lines to him here. For the rest, I like to indicate my authorities +and to show their good or bad qualities, in order that the reader may be +in a position to judge himself how far these authorities deserve to be +trusted. + +Niels Andersen, born at Drontheim, in Norway, was one of the most +skilful and intrepid whalers I have ever known. It is to him that I am +indebted for what knowledge I have of the whale fishery. He taught +me all the subtleties of the art; he made me acquainted with all the +stratagems and dodges which the intelligent animal employs to baffle +these subtle snares and make its escape. It was Niels Andersen who +taught me the management of the harpoon; he showed me how you should +fix the knee of the right leg against the gun-whale of the boat when +launching the harpoon, and how with the left leg you launch a vigorous +kick at the imbecile sailor who don’t pay out quickly enough the rope +attached to the harpoon. To him I owe all, and if I have not become +a famous whaler the fault rests neither with Niels Andersen nor with +myself, but with my evil star, which has never allowed me in the course +of my life to encounter any whale with which I might have engaged in +honorable combat. I have only encountered vulgar stockfish and miserable +herrings. Of what use is the best harpoon when you have to deal with a +herring? Now that my limbs are paralysed I must renounce for ever the +hope of pursuing whales. When at Ritzebuttel, near Cuxhaven, I made the +acquaintance of Niels Andersen. He was scarcely more nimble himself, for +off the coast of Senegal a young shark, which no doubt took his right +leg for a stick of barley sugar, had snapped it off with a snap of his +teeth. Since then poor Niels Andersen went limping upon an artificial +leg manufactured from one of the firs of his country, and which he +extolled as a masterpiece of Norwegian carpentry. His greatest pleasure +at this period was to perch himself on the top of a large empty barrel, +on the belly of which he drummed away with his wooden leg. I often +helped him to climb upon this barrel; but sometimes, when he wished to +get down again, I would not give him my help except on the condition +that he told me one of his curious traditions of the Arctic Sea. + +As Mahomet-Ebn-Mansour commences all his poems with a eulogy of the +horse, so Niels Andersen prefaced all his narratives with a panegyrical +enumeration of the qualities of the whale. He of course commenced with +such a panegyric the legend we give here. + +“The whale,” he said, “is not only the largest, but also the most +magnificent of animals; the two jets of water leaping from his nostrils, +placed at the top of his head, give him the appearance of a fountain, +and produce a magical effect, above all at night, in the moonshine. +Moreover, this beast is sympathetic. He has a good character and much +taste for conjugal life. It is a touching sight,” he added, “to see +a family of whales grouped around its venerable patriarch, and couched +upon an enormous mass of ice, basking in the sun. Sometimes the young +ones begin to frisk and romp, and at length all plunge into the sea +to play at hide-and-seek among the immense ice-blocks. The purity of +manners and the chastity of the whales should be attributed less +to moral principles than to the iciness of the water wherein they +continually sport. Nor can it, unhappily, be denied,” went on Niels +Anderson, “that they have not any pious sentiment, that they are +totally devoid of religion....” + +“I believe this is an error,” I cried, interrupting my friend. “I +have lately read the report of a Dutch missionary, wherein he describes +the magnificence of the creation, which, according to him, reveals +itself even in the polar regions at the hour of sunrise, and when +the teams of day, transfiguring the gigantic rocks of ice, make them +resemble those castles of diamonds we read of in fairy tales. All this +beauty of the creation, in the judgment of the good *dominie*, is a +proof of the power of God which influences every living creature, so +that not only man, but likewise a great brute of a fish, ravished by +this spectacle, adores the Creator and addresses to him its prayers. The +*dominie* assures us that he has seen with his own eyes a whale which +held itself erect against the wall of a block of ice, and swayed the +upper part of its body as men do in prayer.” + +Niels Andersen admitted that he had himself seen whales which, propping +themselves against a cliff of ice, indulged in movements very similar to +those we remark in the oratories of the various religious sects, but +he maintained that devotion has nothing to do with this phænomenon. +He explained it on physiological grounds; he called my attention to the +fact that the whale, this Chimborazo of animals, has beneath its +skin strata of fat of a depth so prodigious that a single whale often +furnishes a hundred to a hundred and fifty barrels of tallow and +oil. These layers of fat are so thick that while the colossus sleeps, +stretched at its full length upon an icefield, hundreds of water rats +can come and settle in it. These *convives* immensely larger and more +voracious than the rats of the mainland, lead joyous life under the skin +of the whale, where day and night they gorge themselves with the most +delicious fat without being obliged to quit their holes. These banquets +of vermin at length trouble their involuntary host and even cause him +excessive sufferings. Not having hands as we have, who, God be thanked, +can scratch ourselves when we feel an itching, the whale tries to +mitigate his pangs by placing himself against the protruding and sharp +angles of a rock of ice, and by there rasping his back with a real +fervor and with vigorous movements up and down, as we see the dogs +rasping their skin against a bed-post when the fleas bite them overmuch. +Now in these movements the good *dominie* thought he saw the edifying +act of prayer, and he attributed to devotion the jerkings occasioned by +the orgies of the rats. Enormous as is the quantity of oil in the whale, +it has not the least religious sentiment. It is only among animals +of mediocre stature that we find any religion; the very great, the +creatures gigantic like the whale are not endowed with it. What can be +the reason? Is it that they cannot find a church sufficiently spacious +to afford them entrance into its pale? Nor have the whales any taste for +the prophets, and the one which swallowed Jonah was not able to digest +that great preacher; seized with nausea, it vomited him after three +days. Most certainly that proves the absence of all religious sentiment +in these monsters. The whale, therefore, would never choose an ice-block +for prayer-cushion, and sway itself in attitudes of devotion. It adores +as little the true God who resides above there in heaven, as the false +pagan god who dwells near the arctic pole, in the Isle of the Rabbits, +where the dear beast goes sometimes to pay him a visit. + +“What is this *Isle of Rabbits*?” I asked Niels Andersen. Drumming +on the barrel with his wooden leg, he answered, “It is exactly in this +isle that the events took place of which I am going to tell you. I am +not able to give you its precise geographical position. Since its first +discovery no one has been able to visit it again; the enormous mountains +of ice accumulated around it bar the approach. Once only has it been +visited, by the crew of a Russian whaler driven by-tempests into those +northern latitudes, and that was more than a hundred years ago. When +these sailors, reached it with their ship they found it deserted and +uncultivated. Sickly stalks of broom swayed sadly upon the quicksands; +here and there were scattered some dwarf shrubs and stunted firs +crouching on the sterile soil. Rabbits ran about everywhere in great +numbers; and this is the reason the sailors call the islet the *Isle of +Rabbits*. A cabin, the only one they discovered, announced the presence +of a human being. When the mariners had entered the hut they saw an old +man, arrived at the most extreme decrepitude and miserably muffled in +rabbit skins. He was seated upon a stone settle, and warmed his thin +hands and trembling knees at the grate where some brushwood was burning. +At his right hand stood a monstrously large bird, which seemed to be an +eagle; but the moulting of time had so cruelly stripped it that only the +great stiff main-plumes of its wings were left, so that the aspect of +this naked animal was at once ludicrous and horribly ugly. On the left +of the old man was couched upon the ground an aged bald-skinned she-got, +yet with a gentle look, and which, in spite of its great age, had the +dugs swollen with milk and the teats fresh and rosy. + +“Among the sailors who had landed on the Isle of Rabbits there were +some Greeks, and one of these, thinking that the man of the hut could +not understand his tongue, said to his comrades in Greek, ‘This queer +old fellow must be either a ghost or an evil spirit.’ At these words +the old man trembled and rose suddenly from his seat, and the sailors, +to their great astonishment, saw a lofty and imposing figure, which, +with imperious and even majestic dignity, held itself erect in spite of +the weight of years, so that the head reached the rafters of the roof. +His lineaments, though worn and ravaged, conserved traces of beauty; +they were noble and perfectly regular. Thin locks of silver hair fell +upon the forehead wrinkled by pride and by age; his eyes, though +glazed and lustreless, darted keen regards, and his finely-curved lips +pronounced in the Greek language, mingled with many archaisms, these +words resonant and harmonious:—‘You are mistaken, young man, I am +neither a spectre nor an evil spirit; I am an unfortunate who has seen +better days. But you—what are you.’ + +“At this demand the seamen acquainted their host with the accident +which had driven them out of their course, and they begged him to tell +them all about the isle. But the old man could give them but scant +information. He told them that from immemorial times he had dwelt +in this isle, of which the ramparts of ice offered him a sure refuge +against his implacable enemies, who had usurped his legitimate rights; +that his main subsistence was derived from the rabbits with which +the isle abounded; that every year, at the season when the floating +ice-blocks formed a compact mass, troops of savages in sledges visited +him, who, in exchange for his rabbit skins, gave him all sorts of +articles most necessary to life. The whales, he said, which now and then +approached his isle, were his favorite society. Nevertheless, he +added that he felt much pleasure at this moment in speaking his native +language, being Greek by birth. He begged his compatriots to inform him +as to the then state of Greece. He learnt with a malicious joy, badly +dissimulated, that the Cross once surmounting the towers of the Hellenic +cities had been shattered; he showed less satisfaction when they told +him that this Christian symbol had been replaced by the Crescent. The +most singular thing was that none of the seamen knew the names of the +towns concerning which he questioned them, and which, according to him, +had been flourishing cities in his time. On the other hand, the names by +which the seamen designated the towns and villages of modern Greece were +completely unknown to him; and the old man shook his head often, as if +quite overwhelmed, and the sailors looked at each other with wonder. +They saw well that he knew perfectly the localities of the country, even +to the minutest details; for he described clearly and exactly the gulfs, +the peninsulas, the capes, often even, the most insignificant hills and +isolated groups of rocks. His ignorance of the commonest typographical +names, therefore astonished them all the more. + +“The old man asked, with the most lively interest, and even with a +certain anxiety, about an ancient temple, which, he said, had been +of old the grandest in all Greece. None of his hearers recognised the +name,, which he pronounced with tender emotion. At last,, when he had +minutely described the place where this, monument stood, a young seaman +suddenly recognised the spot. ‘The village where I was born,’ he +exclaimed, ‘is situated precisely there. During my childhood I have +long watched there the pigs of my father. On this site there are, in +fact, the ruins of very ancient constructions, which must have been +incredibly magnificent. Here and there you see some columns still erect; +they are isolated or connected by fragments of roofing, whence hang +tendrils of honeysuckle and red bind-weeds. Other columns, some of them +red marble, lie fractured on the grass. The ivy has invaded their superb +capitals, formed of flowers and foliage delicately chiselled. Great +slabs of marble, squared fragments of wall and triangular pieces of +roofing, are scattered about, half-buried in the earth. I have often, +continued the young man, ‘passed hours at a time in examining the +combats and the games, the dances and the processions, the beautiful +and ludicrous figures which are sculptured there. Unfortunately these +sculptures are much injured by time, and are covered with moss and +creepers. My father, whom I once asked what these ruins were, told me +that they were the remnants of an ancient temple, of old inhabited by a +Pagan God, who not only indulged in the most gross debaucheries, but who +was, moreover, guilty of incest and other infamous vices; that in their +blindness the idolators had, nevertheless, immolated oxen, often by +hundreds, at the foot of his altar. My father assured me that we still +saw the marble basin wherein they had gathered the blood of the victims, +and that it was precisely the trough to which I frequently led my swine +to drink the rain-water, and in which I also preserved the refuse which +my animals devoured with so much appetite.’ + +“When the young sailor had thus spoken, the old man gave a deep sigh +of the most bitter anguish; he sank nerveless upon the stone seat, and +hiding his visage in his hands, wept like a child. The bird at his +side emitted terrible cries, spread its enormous wings, and menaced the +strangers with talons and beak. The she-goat moaned and licked the hands +of her master, whose sorrows she seemed trying to comfort by her humble +caresses. At this sight a strange trouble swelled in the hearts of the +seamen; they hastily quitted the hut, and did not feel at ease until +they could no more hear the sobbings of the old man, the croakings of +the hideous bird, and the bleatings of the goat. When they got on board +their vessel again they related their adventures. Among the crew there +chanced to be a scholar, who declared that it was an event of the +highest importance. Applying with a sagacious air his right forefinger +to his nose, he assured the seamen that the old man of the Isle of +Rabbits was beyond all doubt the ancient god Jupiter, son of Saturn and +Rhea, once sovereign lord of the gods; that the bird which they had +seen at his side was evidently the famous eagle which used to bear the +thunderbolts in its talons; and that, in all probability, the goat was +the old nurse Amalthea, which had of old suckled the god in the isle of +Crete, and which now continued to nourish him with its milk in the Isle +of Rabbits.” + +Such was the history of Niels Andersen, and it made my heart bleed. +I will not dissemble; already his revelations concerning the secret +sufferings of the whale had profoundly saddened me. Poor animal! against +this vile mob of rats, which house themselves in your body and gnaw you +incessantly, no remedy avails, and you carry them about with you to the +end of your days; rush as you will to the north and to the south, rasp +yourself against the ice-rocks of the two poles, you can never get +rid of these villainous rats? But pained as I had been by the outrage +wreaked upon the poor whales, my soul was infinitely more troubled by +the tragical fate of this old man who, according to the mythological +theory of the learned Russian, was the heretofore King of the gods, +Jupiter the *Chronide*. Yes, he, even he, was subject to the fatality +of Destiny, from which not the immortals themselves can escape; and the +spectacle of such calamities horrifies us, in filling us with pity and +indignation. Be Jupiter, be the sovereign lord of the world, the frown +of whose brows made tremble the universe! be chanted by Homer, and +sculptured by Phidias in gold and ivory; be adored by a hundred nations +during long centuries; be the lover of Semele, of Danae, of Europa, of +Alcmena, of Io, of Leda, of Calisto! and after all, nothing will remain +at the end but a decrepit old man, who to gain his miserable livelihood +has to turn dealer in rabbit skins, like any poor Savoyard. Such a +spectacle will no doubt give pleasure to the vile multitude, which +insults to-day that which it adored yesterday. Perhaps among these +worthy people are to be found some of the descendants of those unlucky +bulls which were of old immolated in hecatombs upon the altar of +Jupiter; let such rejoice in his fall, and mock him at their ease, in +revenge for the blood of their ancestors, victims of idolatry; as +for me, my soul is singularly moved, and I am seized with dolorous +commiseration at the view of this august misfortune. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE DAILY NEWS +============== + +(1874.) + +:: “Ich hab’ mein Sach auf Nichts gestellt, + Juchhe! + Drum ist’s so wohl mir in der Welt; + Juchhe!”—Gôthe. + + “He got so subtle that to be + Nothing was all his glory.” + Shelley, “Peter Bell the Third” + +.. dropcap:: I It + +It is now some time since the *Daily News*, which, perhaps with more +honor than profit, and not seldom at great risk of its life, had been +for many years a really leading Liberal journal, fighting gallantly +always in the van, often in forlorn hopes, took to heart a certain +very-obvious truth. It awoke fully to the fact that while a captain in +the forlorn hope or vanguard is constantly in great peril, and has but +few supporters, one with the main body is much less exposed and has many +more to help him. Weary and discouraged, it resolved to fall back from +the front and join the mass of the army, the myriads of the commonplace +and the timorous, the legions of the rich and respectable, the countless +hosts of the snobbery of Bumbledom. But in making this “strategic +movement,” it is well aware that honor equal to the danger is attached +to the forlorn hope and the vanguard, and it clung to the honor while +renouncing the danger, and continued to call itself a leading Liberal +journal when it had quite given up the lead—nay, continues thus +to vaunt itself still. This is how some malicious people explain the +altered position of the Daily News and its growing number of supporters, +or, in the language of periodicals, its increasing circulation. Now, say +these impatient and intemperate persons, a paper is free to serve Bumble +(as nearly all papers do), or to serve Progress, the enemy of Bumble; +but it has no right, while serving the one, to claim the merit of +serving the other. This *Daily News*, they go on, which still dares to +call itself Liberal, is now just as liberal as the jester’s Garrick, +who used to set out with generous intentions, and was scared back at the +corner of the street by the ghost of a ha’penny. In its case it is +the ghost of a penny, the ghost of the representative penny of all the +pennies ready to buy vapid twaddle, but not earnest thought. + +For my own part, however, I find the *Daily News* still really liberal, +and, in fact, extremely liberal. It is liberal in long special telegrams +and interminable Jenkins letters about the most insignificant movements +and actions of royal personages. It is equally liberal in reticence, +slightly tempered by sneers, as to all advanced movements, all unpopular +principles and their champions. It is liberal in the space it gives to +all fashionable frivolities, sports and pastimes, to all the bagatelles +of life. If it has not a paragraph to spare for a Radical meeting, it +has always columns at the command of boat races, yacht races, horse +races, cricket and polo matches, and the like important events, as well +as other columns for the gossip of clubs and the babble of society. It +is liberal in hopefulness that wrong may be right, falsehood truth, evil +good. It is very liberal in soft phrases, and in “passages that lead +to nothing.” Nothing, indeed, is the great end of its endeavor; for +what alteration can be needed by a world in which the circulation of +the *Daily News* is continually increasing? Unless, perchance, as +the circulation is already “world-wide,” the world will have to +be extended in order to accommodate it. But this concerns Father God or +Mother Nature, not mere mortals. All these liberalities I could amply +illustrate did space permit; as it is, I can give but an instance each +to the first two. The Prince of Wales being in France, amusing himself +like any other man who has money and leisure, “The Prince of Wales in +France—Special,” heads its placards in the largest letters. On the +other hand, I heard one of our three or four greatest writers, Garth +Wilkinson, declare at a public meeting that he had written several +letters to it on a subject then agitating the public mind, but that he +could as easily get a letter into the moon as into the *Daily News*. +Yet the subject was medical; and Garth Wilkinson is not only one of +our greatest writers and thinkers, but also an M.D. and F.R.S., who has +practised for I know not how much more than a quarter of a century. To +refuse his letters on that matter was like refusing to hear Carlyle on +Cromwell or Darwin on Natural Selection. Why, then, did the *Daily News* +reject them? For the simply sufficient reason that they advocated the +unpopular side of the question. + +Yes, it is still liberal and beyond measure liberal in these and many +other respects. It has still great care of the people—to keep aloof +from them; it loves them more than ever—at a distance. It still +belongs to the Left—in the rear. It is still of the Mountain, only it +has descended to provision itself; as the sage rhyme runs, + +:: + + “The mountain sheep were sweeter, + But the valley sheep were fatter; + We therefore deemed it meeter + To carry off the latter.” + +It is still Radical, having a rooted love of ease and hatred of +disturbance. It is still revolutionary, but has resolved that henceforth +revolutions shall be made with rose-water, and omelettes without +breaking of.... + +While thus freely acknowledging that in many things the *Daily News* is +now more liberal than ever it was, I must also record my admiration for +its strenuous endeavors to assume an air of aristocratic refinement and +repose. From its serene indifference to the troubles of vulgar humanity, +from the languid lisp and drawl of its voice, from its perpetual +allusions to the luxuries and enjoyments of the wealthy and noble, one +readily divines that its staff, like the staff of my Lord Chamberlain +or other court lackey, can move only in the highest circles; but whether +its members are admitted into these as gentlemen or as gentlemen’s +gentlemen, I must leave for those familiar with such circles to declare. +This is certain, that they flit about amidst a lordly festival in the +gay and careless fashion of men who have no thought save of enjoying +themselves; not like poor devils who have duties which, though better +paid, are as onerous and strictly subservient to the gathering as those +of the waiters or the footmen. It must surely be by a mere afterthought, +and purely for their own amusement, that they throw off a description +of the scene and an account of what occurred there. By the bye, it is +rumored that the staff has been thoroughly changed of late years. The +old members were able enough, but they were too coarse, too loud, +too violent, too opiniative, too much given to discussing important +questions as if they really cared for the same. Their manners especially +could not be endured One entered the Editor’s sanctum (which had +then just been refurnished under the supervision of the Count of Monte +Cristo) in his wet boots, although embroidered slippers were provided at +the foot of the stairs. Another exploded with a “Damned old idiot!” +on reading the charge of one of our Right Reverend Fathers in God. +Another was caught smoking a clay pipe over a pint of beer, although +narghilés and hookahs and the choicest cigarettes, with unlimited +supplies of the most costly wines and liqueurs, are always set out for +the staff and such visitors as are admitted to the inner offices. The +*Daily News* wrote to my Lord Chief Justice demanding that this fellow +should be sent without trial to keep company with Arthur Orton, and for +all I know the Chief Justice humbly obeyed. Another was seen walking +arm-in-arm with the Editor of the *Times*, and was of course instantly +dismissed, the *Daily News* writing to warn the man of the other +journal. + +This, I am assured, is historical fact, to which the Editor of the +*Times* will bear witness, if he be not ashamed to avow what may seem to +hurt his dignity. For these and the like offences the old members have +been all dismissed. + +It is said to be a peculiarity of the *Daily News* that all the leading +articles are manufactured on the premises, if I may venture on a +shop phrase in such a connection. I have spoken of the luxury of +the Editor’s sanctum, which is a large and noble apartment. The +leader-writers are borne to the office in closed carriages, with double +or triple windows and india-rubber tires, lest some rude oath, or nasty +smell, or even the loud noise of the streets should shock them into +hysterics, or at least so unstring their nerves as to render writing +impossible for the day. In the sumptuous boudoir-sanctum, lounging, +smoking, and sipping, they receive on silver salvers telegrams from +all parts of the rolling globe, with innumerable communications and +documents, written and printed; and such of these as they are pleased to +look at tin Epicurean gods:: + + “For they lie beside their nectar, + and the bolts are hurled + Far below them in the valleys.” + +They lie a good deal beside their nectar; but their bolts are anything +but thunderbolts. Thunderbolts! The mere word would make these gasp and +shudder. They are not thunderbolts, they are not rockets, they are +not even squibs; they are bonbons and genuine *confetti*, not your +*confetti* of the Carnival. + +:: + + “*There* they smile in secret, looking over wasted lands, + Blight and famine, plague and earthquake, roaring deeps and fiery sands, + Clanging fights and flaming towns, and sinking ships and praying hands. + + But they smile, they find a music centered in a doleful song + Steaming up, a lamentation and an ancient tale of wrong, + Like a tale of little meaning, tho the words are strong; + + Chanted from an ill-used race of men that cleave the soil, + Sow the seed and reap the harvest with enduring toil, + Storing yearly little dues of wheat, and wine and oil.” + +Naturally these lofty beings smile; for what have they to do with +the cares and woes, the hopes and fears of ordinary mortals? Besides, +battles and shipwrecks, disasters and convulsions, make the best of +copy; and the music centred in the doleful song is a hymn of triumph, +with the glorious refrain, “Our circulation is still increasing! Our +world-wide circulation continues to increase!” And surely the ill-used +race of men that till the soil should be appeased and amply satisfied +by the showers of bonbons and sweetmeats the *Daily News* is always +flinging down. It has more important duties to attend to than fighting +the battles and righting the wrongs of an ignorant, passionate, +unreasonable, wretched rabble, considerably addicted to dirt, +drunkenness, and vice. For thirty hours at least in every twenty-four +it is in attendance on some Royalty or another, or at the sports and +entertainments of “Society, with a capital S.” It is said that the +“copy” of these superlative writers, who always wear kid gloves +while writing, is written with golden pens and tinted and perfumed +ink, on perfumed and tinted paper. It is moreover said that the journal +itself is soon to be printed on vellum, in the illuminated style, with +arabesque borders. It is also rumored that the *Court Journal* and the +*Morning Post*, finding themselves quite outdone by the *Daily News*, +and their occupation gone, will shortly cease to appear. + +I must not omit to mention that I have been told on authority, which +I incline to consider good, that in the said gorgeous sanctum is +conspicuous a table of commandments, wrought in letters of fine gold, +which commandments are these: + +I. Thou shalt never be in earnest about anything, and shalt abhor +enthusiasm. + +II. Thou shalt not have a decided opinion on any subject. + +III. Thou shalt never write an unqualified sentence, or risk an +unmodified statement. + +IV. Thy style shall be always in the tone of a sweet murmur or soft +whisper; a lullaby of peace for drowsy-headed Bumbledom. + +V. Thou shalt write with an air of assured superiority to everybody, and +everything. + +VI. Thou shalt ever bear in mind that there is no joy but calm, and +that the supreme moral excellence is good taste, which may be quite +compatible with meanness, servility, and cowardice, but cannot be +compatible with the foolish fervor of zeal. + +VII. Thou shalt always mention and allude to as many persons, places, +and luxuries of high life as possible. + +VIII. Thou shalt drag into every article three or four literary +citations or allusions, whether relevant or irrelevant, in order to show +to the world thy culture. + +IX. Thou shalt carefully avoid mention of all ardent reformers and +unpopular thinkers, and their doings, save to lightly banter or coldly +rebuke them. + +X. Thou shalt treat with profound respect and tenderness all the powers +that be, and all popular opinions, social, political and religious, +however thou mayest contemn them in thy heart; for great Bumble is the +sole lord of large circulations, and only through his continued grace +can our circulation continue to increase. + +It is by assiduously conforming themselves to this most wise and holy +decalogue, that the members of the staff of the *Daily News* have +become such rare flowers of sweetness and light; worthy of that serene +Professor of Haughty-culture, Matthew Arnold himself, ere he had +perpetrated “Literature and Dogma.” + +But while, in common with all the other worshippers of the *Daily News*, +I exult in its world-wide and ever-increasing circulation, I am haunted +by a horrible fear, which I cannot conceal, but will hint and whisper +as gently as possible. When a stone falls into a pond—but no, pond is +vulgar—when a stone falls into a still lake, the first small rings +are clearly defined, but the circlings as they enlarge grow fainter and +fainter, until at length they can no more be perceived. Now, as all the +world knows, our beloved and revered Daily News, in its ever-increasing +circulation, has hitherto followed precisely the same law; and my dread +is that it will continue to do so unto the utmost extremity, becoming +ever more and more faint and undefined as the circulation increases, +until it shall altogether vanish away. It is getting so refined that I +fear it will soon be fined away to nothing; so delicate and dainty, that +it is already unfit for this rough world, whose slightest shock may +kill it; so ethereal that its complete evaporation seems imminent; so +supernal that it must surely soon disappear, absorbed into the Empyrean. +May that good God, who we have been told “will think twice before +damning a person of quality,” think many, many times before condemning +our fashionable world to such an irreparable loss! + + +.. clearpage:: + +JESUS: AS GOD; AS A MAN +======================= + +(1866.) + + “These hereditary enemies of the Truth... have even had the + heart to degrade this first preacher of the Mountain, the + purest hero of Liberty; for, unable to deny that he was + earth’s greatest man, they have made of him heaven’s + smallest god.”—Heine: Reisébilder. + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The doctrine of the divinity of Jesus, which, in whatever relation +regarded, is full of self-contradictions and absurdities, is, above all, +pernicious in its moral and spiritual results. Most myths have a certain +justification in their beauty, in their symbolism of high truth. This +one distorts the beauty, degrades the sublimity, stultifies the meaning +of the facts and the character wherein it has been founded, taking away +all true grandeur from Jesus, benumbing our love and reverence. + +Jesus, as a man, commands my heart’s best homage. His words, as +reported by the Evangelists, are ever-flowing fountains of spiritual +refreshments; and I feel that he was in himself even far more wise and +good than he appears in the gospel. What disciple could be expected +to report perfectly the words of a teacher so mystically sublime? The +disciple intends and endeavors to report faithfully; but when he hears +words which to him are without sense, because they express some truth +whose sphere is beyond the reach of his vision, he makes sense of them +by some slight change—slight as to the letter, immense as to the +spirit; for the sense is a truth or truism of his own lower sphere. And +when the reports are not put into writing until many years after the +words were first uttered, the changes will be important even as to the +letter; for a narrative from a man’s mouth always alters year after +year as much as the man himself alters, for he continues grafting his +own sense (which may be deplorable nonsense) upon words which have been +spoken. When we find sentences of the purest beauty and wisdom in the +records of a man’s conversation, we may safely proportion the whole +philosophical character of the speaker to such sentences. They mark the +altitude at which his spirit loved to dwell. We are but completing the +circle from the clearest fragment-arc left. Sentences of wisdom less +exalted, or of apparent unwisdom, have perhaps been degraded by the +reporter, or have been relative to circumstances which we cannot now +learn thoroughly. + +Jesus as a man, whose words have been recorded by fallible men, is +not lowered in my esteem by such contradictions as I find between his +various speeches. Every proverb has its antagonist proverb, each being +true to a certain extent, or in certain relations. Could we conceive +an abstract intellect, we might conceive it dwelling continually in the +sphere of abstract and absolute truth; but no man, however wise, dwells +continually in this sphere. As a man living in the world, his intellect +no less than his body lives in the relative and the conditioned, and +naturally reflects the character of this sphere. The wise man finds +himself surrounded and obstructed by certain concrete errors, and he +attacks these errors with relative truths. Were the errors of another +sort, the truths commonly in his mouth would be of another sort too. +Many wise men of different ages and countries are pitted against each +other as if their doctrines were fundamentally antagonistic, while, in +truth, their doctrines are essentially in unison, and either would have +spoken or written much the same as the other had he lived in the same +circumstances. For a wise man only attacks the errors that are in +his way; things which he never meets he can scarcely think of as +obstructions. Hannibal, whose business it is to get into Italy from +Gaul, sets about blasting the Alps. Stephenson, whose business it is to +get from Manchester to Liverpool, sets about filling up Chat Moss. +The same man, who muffles himself in as many furs as he can get in +Greenland, will strip himself to a linen robe in Jamaica. Luther said +that the human mind is like a drunken peasant on horseback: he is +rolling off on the right, you push him up, he then rolls over on the +left. Exactly so; and because one sage, seeing him roll down to the +right, has pushed him up on the right, while another sage, seeing him +roll down to the left, has pushed him up on the left, are the two sages +to be accounted antagonists? Now as a wise man in the course of his +existence meets errors of many sorts, some of a quite opposite tendency +to others, and as he proves his wisdom by applying to each error its +relative or pertinent truth, the rule is almost rigidly exact: that the +wiser the man the more of apparent contradictions can be found in his +writings or conversation treating of actual life. + +But deity is beyond the sphere of the relative and conditioned. When +deity speaks and deity reports the speeches, all should be absolute +truth transparently self-consistent, else what advantage or gain have we +by the substitution of God for Man? Why bring in God to utter and record +what could have been as well uttered and recorded by man? + +Everything for which we love and venerate the man Jesus becomes a bitter +and absurd mockery when attributed to the Lord Christ. The full heart is +praising the man; you turn him into God, a ruinous salvo is added to the +praise. + +He went about doing good: if God, why did he not do all good at once? He +cured many sick: if God, why did he not give the whole world health? He +associated with publicans and sinners: if God, why did he make publicans +and sinners at all? He preached the kingdom of heaven: if God, why did +he not bring the kingdom with him and make all mankind fit for it? +He loved the poor, he taught the ignorant: if God, why did he let any +remain poor and ignorant? He rebuked the Pharisees and Sadducees: it +God, why did he not wholly purify them from formalism, hypocrisy, and +unbelief? He died for love of mankind: if God, why did he not restore +mankind to himself without dying? and what great thing was it to seem to +die for three days? He sent apostles to preach salvation to all men: if +God, why did he not reveal it at once to all men, and so reveal it that +doubt had been impossible? He lived an example of holiness to us all: +if God, how can our humanity imitate Deity? And finally, a question +trampling down every assertion in his favor: why did he ever let the +world get evil? + +One is ashamed of repeating these things for the ten-thousandth time, +but they will have to be repeated occasionally, so long as a vast +ecclesiastical system continues to rest on the foundations of the +absurdities they oppugn. And while one is grinding such chaff in the +theological mill, he may as well have a turn at the Atonement, which +is, in fact, the essence of the dogma of the Incarnation. No wonder this +poor Atonement has been attacked on all sides; it invites attack; one +may say that in every aspect it piteously implores us to attack it and +relieve it from the misery of its spectral existence. It is so full of +breaches that one does not know where to storm. + +I am content to note one aspect of this unfortunate mystery which, so +far as I am aware, has been seldom studied. The whole scheme of the +Atonement, as planned by God, is based upon a crime—a crime infinitely +atrocious, the crime of murder and deicide, is essential to its success: +if Judas had not betrayed, if the Jews had not insisted, if Pilate +had not surrendered, if all these turpitudes had not been secured, the +Atonement could not have been consummated. Need one say more? Sometimes, +when musing upon this doctrine, I have a vision of the God-man getting +old upon the earth, horribly anxious and wretched, because no one will +murder him. Judas has succeeded to a large property, and would not +be tempted to betray him by three hundred pieces of silver; the chief +priests and elders think him insane, and, therefore, as Orientals, +hold him in a certain reverence; Pilate is henpecked and superstitious, +accounts the wife’s dreams oracular, and will have nothing to do +with him; even Peter won’t deny him, although he has restored Peter’s +mother-in-law to life. The situation is desperate; he has again and +again prayed his Father to despatch a special murderer to despatch him, +yet none appears: shall he have to perish by old age or disease? may he +be compelled to commit suicide? must he go back to Heaven unsacrificed, +foiled for want of an assassin? + +Benjamin Disraeli attained the cynical sublime when he suggested a +monument of gratitude to Judas. In fact, Christendom ought to have +erected hundreds of years ago three grand monuments to the sub-trinity +of Christianity, to the three men without whose devoted assistance the +heavenly trinity would not have triumphed in the scheme of Salvation by +Atonement; Judas, Caiaphas and Pilate; and as these three men could not +have done what they did in furtherance of the glorious work without a +well-known inspiration, a fourth memorial—the grandest of all—should +have been erected to the Devil. But the world, even the religious world, +has always been ungrateful to its most generous benefactors. + +Is it not the worst of sacrilege, a foul profanation of our human +nature, which for us, at least, should be holy and awful, when the +heroic and saintly martyrdom of a true Man is thus falsified into the +self-schemed sham sacrifice, ineffectual, of a God? The people who +profess belief in this are shocked at the outrage offered to our +humanity by the Development Theory, while they themselves commit this +outrage more flagitious. Little matters whence we sprang; we are what we +are. But much matters to what we may attain. If the Development Theory +plants our feet in the slime, the Christian Theory bows our head to +the dust. It asserts that human nature could not possibly be so good as +Jesus, that human genius could not possibly write the books which tell +of him; it denies us our noblest prerogatives, and declares us bastards +when we claim a crown. It climbs to God by trampling on Man, it builds +Heaven in contempt of Earth, its soul is a phosphorescence from the +slain and rotting Body; its fervent faith vilifies us worse than the +coldest sneer of Mephistopheles. Yet the orthodox shudder and moan, +outraged in their pious sensibilities, when one dares to speak with +manly plainness of their doctrines, which commence by polluting our +common nature, continue by insulting our reason, and conclude by damning +the large majority of us! + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE ONE THING NEEDFUL +===================== + +(1866.) + +.. dropcap:: W When + +When I survey with pious joy the present world of Christendom, finding +everywhere that the true believers love their neighbors as themselves +and are specially enamored of their enemies; that no one of them takes +thought for the morrow, what he shall eat or what he shall drink, or +wherewithal he or she shall be clothed; that all the pastors and +flocks endeavor to outstrip each other in laying not up for themselves +treasures upon earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves +break through and steal; and all are so intensely eager to quit this +earthly tabernacle and become freeholders of mansions in the skies; +when I find faith as universal as the air, and charity as common as +cold water; I sometimes wonder how it is that any misbelievers and +unbelievers are left, and feel astonished that the New Jerusalem has not +yet descended, and hope that the next morning’s *Times* (rechristened +*The Eternities*) will announce the inauguration of the Millennium. + +What delayeth the end? Can there indeed be any general hindering sin +or imperfection among the pure saints, the holy, unselfish, aspiring, +devout, peaceful, loving men and women who make up the population +of every Christian land? Can any error infect the teachings of the +innumerable divines and theologians, who all agree together in every +particular, drawing all the same doctrines from the same texts of the +one unvaried Word of God? I would fain believe that no such sin or error +exists, not a single inky spot in the universal dazzling whiteness; +but then why have we to deplore the continued existence of heathens +and infidels? why is the New Jerusalem so long a-building? why is the +Millennium so long a-coming? why have we a mere Sardowa instead of +Armageddon? + +After long and painful thought, after the most serious and reverent +study, I think I have found the rock on which the ship of the Church +has been wrecked; and I hasten to communicate its extreme latitude +and interminable longitude, that all Christian voyagers may evade and +circumvent it from this time forward. + +The error which I point out, and the correction which I propose, have +been to a certain extent, in a vague manner, pointed out and proposed +before. A clergyman named Malthus, not in his clerical capacity, +but condescending to the menial study of mundane science, is usually +considered the first discoverer. But mundane science is conditioned, +limited, vague, its precepts are full of hesitation; while celestial +science is absolute, unlimited, clear as the noonday sun, and its +precepts are imperiously forthright. + +It seems to me that the one fatal error which has lurked in our +otherwise consummate Christianity, and which demands immediate +correction is this, that the propagation of children is reconcileable +with the propagation of the faith—an error which while it lasts +adjourns *sine die* the day of judgment, and begins the Millennium with +the Greek Kalends. + +One need not quote the numerous texts throughout the New Testament +(let Matthew xix., 12, suffice) proving that Jesus and the epistolary +apostles accounted celibacy essential to the *highest* Christian life. +One only of the disciples, so far as we know, was married; and he it was +who denied his master; and most of the more profound divines consider +that Peter was justly punished for marrying, when Christ cured his +mother-in-law of that fever which might else have carried her off. + +But many modest people may be content with a respectable Christian life +which is not of the very highest kind. They may think that as husbands +and wives they will make very decent middle-class saints in heaven, +after a comfortable existence on earth, leaving the nobler crowns of +holiness for more daring spirits. Humility is one of the fairest graces, +and we revere it; but there is a consideration, most momentous for the +kind Christian heart, which such good people must have overlooked—very +naturally, since it is very obvious. + +Jesus tells us that many are called but few are chosen; that few enter +the strait gate and travel the narrow way, while many take the broad +way that leadeth to destruction. In other words, the large majority of +mankind, the large majority of even those who have the gospel preached +to them must be damned. When a human soul is born into the world, the +odds are at least ten to one that the Devil will get it. Can any pious +member of the Church who has thought of this take the responsibility of +becoming a parent? I thoroughly believe not. I am convinced that we have +so many Christian parents only because this very conspicuous aspect +of the case has not caught their view. If the parents could have any +assurance that the piety of their offspring would be in proportion to +their own, they would be justified in wedding in holiness. But alas! we +all know that some of the most religious parents have had some of the +most wicked children. Dearly beloved brethren and sisters pause and +calculate that for every little saint you give to heaven, you beget and +bear at least nine sinners who will eventually go to hell. + +The remedy proposed is plain and simple as a gospel precept: let no +Christian have any child at all—a rule which, in the grandeur of +its absoluteness makes the poor timid and tentative Malthusianism very +ridiculous indeed. For this rule is drawn immediately from the New +Testament and cannot but be perfect as its source. + +Let us think of a few of the advantages which would flow from its +practice. The profane have sometimes sneered that Jesus and his +disciples manifestly thought that the world would come to an end, the +millennium be inaugurated, within a very few years from the public +ministry of Jesus. Luckily the profane are always ignorant or shallow, +or both. For, as the New Jerusalem is to come down while Christians +are alive, and as Christians in the highest sense or Christians without +offspring must have come to an end with the first generation, it is +plain that the belief which has been sneered at was thoroughly well +founded; and that it has been disappointed only because the vast +majority of Christians have not been Christians in the highest sense +at all, but in their ignorance have continued to propagate like so many +heathen proletarians. + +Now, supposing the very likely case that all Christians now living +reflect upon the truth herein expounded, and see that it is true, and, +therefore, always act upon it, it follows that, with the end of our now +young generation, the whole of Christendom will be translated into the +kingdom of heaven. Either the mere scum of non-Christians left upon +the earth will be wholly or in great part converted by an example so +splendid and attractive, and thus translate all Christendom in the +second edition in a couple of generations more; or else the world, being +without any Christianity, will, as a matter of course, be so utterly +vile and evil that the promised fire must destroy it at once, and so +bring in the New Heavens and New Earth. + +Roman Catholic Christians may indeed answer that, although the above +argument is irresistible to the Protestants, who have no mean in the +next life between Heaven and Hell, yet that it is not so formidable to +them, seeing that they believe in the ultimate salvation of nearly +every one born and reared in their communion, and only give a temporary +purgatory to the worst of their own sinners. And I admit that such reply +is very cogent. Yet, strangely enough, the Catholics, even more than the +Protestants, recognise and cultivate the supreme beatitude of celibacy; +their legions of unwedded priests, and monks, and nuns and saints are so +many legions of concessions to the truth of my main (arguement). + +I am aware that one of the most illustrious dignitaries of our own +National Church, the very reverend and reverent Dr. Swift, Dean of St. +Patrick’s, has advocated on various grounds, and with impressive force +of reasoning, the general eating of babies: and I anticipate that some +prudent Christians may, therefore, argue that it is better to get babies +and eat them than to have none at all, since the souls of the sweet +innocents would surely go to heaven, while their bodies would be very +nourishing on earth. Unfortunately, however, the doctrine of Original +Sin, as expounded and illustrated by many very thoughtful theologians, +and specially theologians of the most determined Protestant type, makes +it very doubtful whether the souls of infants are not damned. It will +surely be better, then, for good Protestants to have no infants at all: +Q. E. D. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE SWINBURNE CONTROVERSY +========================= + +(1866.) + +.. dropcap:: N Not + +Not having read Mr. Swinburne’s “Poems and Ballads,” I have +nothing to say on the special case in which they are involved. A few of +the adverse critiques I have chanced to see, and these almost avail to +convince one that Mr. Swinburne is a true poet. The *Saturday Review*, +shocked out of the complacency of its stark peevishness, cried, +“Pretty verses these to read aloud to young ladies in the +drawing-room!” As if there were any great book in existence proper to +read aloud to young ladies in drawing-rooms! and as if young ladies in +drawing-rooms were the fit and proper judges of any great book! I should +like to watch the smuggest and most conceited of Saturday Reviewers +attempting to read aloud to young ladies in a drawingroom certain +chapters in the Bible, certain scenes of Shakespere, certain of the +very best passages in Chaucer, Spenser, Dryden, Pope, Swift, Fielding, +Sterne, Smollett, Burns, Byron, Shelley. When Mr. Swinburne answers that +he writes for full-grown men and women, the acute *Fun* affirms that +men have read his book and have condemned it. As if our present brood +of periodical critics were men! At home in private life, some of them +probably are; but in their critical capacity, that is to say incapacity, +how many of them have any virility? The *Athenaeum* squashes the +detestable book by proclaiming that it contains such and such things +in the style of Alfred de Musset, George Sand, Victor Hugo, Ovid, etc.; +that is to say, in the style of some of the best Latin and modern French +writers! As for *Punch*, he makes a joke worthy of his present lively +condition (were it not for Mr. C. H. Bennett, one would say that there +was no blood at all left in Mr. Punch when the great Leech dropped +off), suggesting that the author should take the appropriate name of +Swine-born. But the mass of our present critics are so far beneath +contempt that we will waste no more time upon them. + +I have just one remark to make, however, before saying a few words on +the general issue raised by this particular process. A large number +of highly respectable elderly personages in gowns, for the most part +belonging to the priesthood of our very dear National Church, and who +by themselves and by good Bumbledom in general are accounted the real +clerisy of England, have devoted all, or nearly all, the years of their +maturity to what is termed the classical instruction of ingenuous youth. +The ingenuous youth thus magnificently instructed comprise young men of +the highest rank, with the most money and leisure and the reddest blood +in the nation. Is it not rather ludicrous to see the said begowned +elderly personages all wringing their hands and smiting their breasts, +weeping and lamenting in sore astonishment and perplexity and terror, +when one of these young men dares to give sign that he has actually in +some degree *assimilated* such classical instruction, instead of +merely gulping it down hastily and then vomiting it all crude at the +examinations? + +As to the general questions, I will start by avowing frankly my +conviction, that, in the present state of England, every thoughtful man +who loves literature should rejoice in the advent of any really able +book which outrages propriety and shocks Bumbledom, should rejoice in +its advent simply and exactly because it does outrage propriety and +shock Bumbledom, even if this book be nauseous to his own taste and bad +in his own judgment. For the condition of our literature in these days +is disgraceful to a nation of men: Bumble has drugged all its higher +powers, and only the rudest shocks can arouse them from their torpor. We +have still, indeed, by the inscrutable bounty of nature, three or four +great writers, the peers of the greatest in Europe; out they stand like +so many forest-trees, antique oaks of Old England, in a boundless flat +of kitchen-gardens—cabbage and lettuce, radishes and onions, and all +the many-leaved “pot-boilers,” fit only to be soddened and seethed +in a pot, and “to pot,” thank goodness, they all quickly go. + +Our literature should be the clear and faithful mirror of our whole +world of life, but at present there are vast realms of thought and +imagination and passion and action, of which it is not allowed to give +any reflex at all, or is allowed only to give a reflex so obscure and +distorted as to be worse than none. But, it may be objected, suppose +Satyrs come leering into your mirror and Bacchantes whirl before it? I +answer that the business of a mirror is clear reflection: if it does not +faithfully image the Satyr, how can it faithfully image Hyperion? And do +you dread that the Satyr will be preferred to Hyperion, when both +stand imaged in clear light before us? It is only when the windows are +curtained, when the mirror is a black gulph and its portraitures +are vague dark shadows, that the beautiful and the noble can pass +undistinguished from the hideous and the vile. + +If, indeed, the realities not reflected became unrealities, were +annihilated, then there would be some sense in veiling those portions of +the mirror in front of which certain features of our life are exposed. +And if that which sees not could not be seen, it would be very sensible +of the hunted ostrich to hide its head in the sand. But we all know that +in darkness what is filthy and vile grows ever filthier and viler, what +is pure and sweet sickens and decays. + +“We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we +have done those things which we ought not to have done; and there is no +health in us.” + +We have suppressed mention of all facts which Bumble would fain ignore, +and utterance of all opinions likely to disturb his sacred peace; we +have canted enough to nauseate the angels, and have continually lied +for God as for a man to pleasure him; so our popular books are fit +for emasculated imbeciles, the *Times* is our leading journal, and the +*Daily Telegraph* boasts the largest circulation in the world! And +in the meanwhile the police-reports are full of putrid flesh, all +the blue-books are crammed with statistical dry bones; flesh from +the carcases and bones from the skeletons in that mass of death and +corruption under our imperial whited sepulchre. + +I do not complain of the kitchen-garden literature; many of the +vegetables are very wholesome and savory in their season, very good for +eating to-day and forgetting to-morrow; I complain that in the interest +of kitchen-gardens the rearing of all grander and loftier vegetation, +the growth of secular forest-kings has become almost impossible in +England. The stupidest popular book would not be popular did it not find +a large number of people still more stupid than itself, to whom it is +really entertaining and instructive. These stupid people one does not +blame, one can only pity or envy them according to one’s mood. But +what shall one say of that large number of educated people who are not +stupid, who are familiar with continental literature; who yet, if an +English book appears advocating ideas such as they have been delighted +with in a French or German dress, feign astonishment and horror, and +join with all the poor little curs of Bumbledom in yelping and snarling +at it? These men who know well what they are doing are the accomplices +of Bumble who does not know what he is doing, who fondly fancies that +he is doing something very different, in starving on thin diet and +stupifying with narcotic drugs the intellect of our nation once so +robust and active; and assuredly if the process goes on much longer we +shall come to rank mentally as a third-rate Power in Europe. + +No intelligent man in England, without (which is a contradiction in +terms) his ideas are exactly coincident with the non-ideas of Bumble, +or without he is rich and independent, can afford to devote himself +to honest treatment of any great religious or social, moral or +philosophical question. If treated in a book, he must himself pay the +expense of publication; if treated in an article, not even by payment +could he get the portals of any popular periodical to open unto him. For +periodicals—newspapers, magazines, reviews—are the Fools’ Paradise +of the commonplace, the mediocre, the orthodox, the respectable. As the +strength of a chain must be measured by its weakest link, so the thought +of a periodical must be measured by the thought of its most imbecile +subscribers. A periodical to live must be a commercial success; the +faintest thrill of new ideas would affect its circulation by shocking +off some of its regular readers; it must suit its articles to the size +of its customers—a very little hat for a very little head, a very +little thought for a very little brain. Thus, though in thinking of +their criticisms I spoke so contemptuously of our critics, I do not +doubt that many of them are much wiser than their articles. The most +honest of them must live by their pen, so they do not attempt to +tell the whole truth though they will not tell a lie; many, however, +undoubtedly are as apt for the sin of commission as for the sin of +omission. + +A noteworthy instance occurs to me as I write. An eminent English +author, in some respects even a great author, complained that in our +country no one since *Fielding* had dared to attempt the full and +faithful portraiture of a man, and he set himself to the task in a work +published by instalments. As he entered upon certain phases of common +virile life, the circulation of the serial began to decrease. This +author was eminent, well-off, much more honest and wise and brave than +ninety-nine authors in a hundred: of course, having begun his work he +would honestly finish it, he would not only tell the truth and nothing +but the truth, he would also tell the whole truth?—he quietly left off +painting the features objected to, finished such as were agreeable to +the public, and said with a cynical scorn (flavored perhaps with some +bitterness of self-scorn), “*So you don’t want to see and hear the +whole truth? Very well!” This author was revered by the great and +noble-hearted Charlotte Brontë; this author was *Thackeray*, strong +with all the prestige of *Vanity Fair*; he could not think of continuing +a course injurious to his “circulation,” so “Pendennis” is not +almost worthy (as it might, else have been) to stand beside “Un Grande +Homme de Province à Paris” of Balzac. + +When such is Thackeray, what must be Gigadibs? + +If I write this rather strongly it is because I feel that I am writing +in the interest of strength and health and purity and freedom, at a time +when the mass of our literature is infected with servile weakness and +disease and that “obscenity, which is ever blasphemy against the +divine beauty in life.” For all obscene things batten on darkness, and +light is fatal to them. But for the Bumble who rules over us, the naked +beauty is obscene and the naked truth is blasphemous; he thinks that the +Venus de Medici came out of Holywell Street, and is inclined to believe +that all the fossil records of geology were forged by the Devil to throw +discredit upon the book of Genesis. One cannot without a keen pang of +shame and rage think of what we are when one remembers what we were, +when one recalls our old and glorious literature, in the wide world +unsurpassed; our literature noble and renowned, ever most glorious when +most manly and daring. + + +.. clearpage:: + +GREAT CHRIST IS DEAD +==================== + +(1875.) + +.. dropcap:: W We + +We have all heard the wonderful story, recounted by Plutarch in his +treatise on the Cessation of the Oracles, how, in the reign of Tiberius +Cæsar, a ship sailing from Greece to Italy was becalmed for the night +at the islet-rock of Paxus in the Ionian Sea, between the Echinades and +Ithaca, when a loud and terrible voice from the land called Thamous the +pilot. And he having responded at the third appeal, “I am here; what +would you with me?” the voice, grown yet louder and more terrible, +commanded him to announce on arriving at Palodes that Pan the Great +was dead. Accordingly, when the vessel reached this place, whose site +I believe the learned have not yet fixed, Thamous stood on the prow +and lifting his voice shoreward cried, “Pan the Great is +dead!”—whereon were heard great moanings and lamentations, +mysterious and multitudinous. Not having Plutarch at hand, I have +refreshed my memory from Rabelais, who repeats this well-authenticated +story by the mouth of Pantagruel, in the twenty-eighth chapter of the +fourth book of his inestimable work, following soon on that tempest of +all tempests wherein Friar John and Panurge so variously distinguished +themselves. The good Pantagruel goes on to expound the story after his +own manner, thinking that it referred not to the heathen god Pan, but to +our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, “ignominiously put to death by the +envy and iniquity of the pontiffs, doctors, presbyters, and monks of the +Mosaic dispensation....” + +For with good right may he in the Greek tongue be called Pan, seeing +that he is our All; all we are, all we live, all we have, all we +hope, is him, in him, of him, by him. He is the good Pan, the great +Shepherd.... at whose death were moanings, sighs, trepidations and +lamentations in all the machine of the universe, heavens, earth, sea, +hells. With this my interpretation the time agrees. For that most good, +most great Pan, our only Savior, died at Jerusalem, reigning in Rome +Tiberius Caesar.—Pantagruel, these words said, rested in silence and +profound contemplation. A little while after we saw the tears rolling +from his eyes, large as ostrich eggs. I give myself to God if I lie in a +single word.” Notwithstanding the thrilling pathos of this close, and +my deep reverence for Rabelais, with whom no commentator in holy orders +known to me can be compared, except Dean Swift, I am inclined on this +point to follow the ordinary opinion that Pan the great god whose death +was thus miraculously announced was the Pan of the heathen Greeks. +Christ had died, but only *pro tem*; had descended into Hell, but with +a return ticket, and simply to harry that realm of Old Harry; in three +days he had risen from the dead, in forty more ascended into Heaven; his +reign had begun and the reign of the old gods was ended; the spirit was +exalted ana the flesh brought low, this world and life were contemned +for the life and world to come; Nature, the All, the great Pan, was +annulled, and the Supernatural Nothing throned supreme. The poets have +chanted this momentous revolution according to their religion, their +phantasy, or their mood. Milton in his Hymn on the Nativity shouts +harsh Puritanical scorn on the oracles stricken dumb, and the deities +overthrown. Shelley in a magnificent chorus of “Hellas,” “Worlds +on worlds are rolling ever,” contests not the justice of their doom, +while in the final chorus he predicts the same doom for their +conqueror in his turn, In our own day Mr. Swinburne in the “Hymn to +Proserpine,” and elsewhere, has bewailed the dead immortals, with +nothing but aversion and contempt for the pale Galilean, the “ghastly +glories of saints, dead limbs of gibbeted gods.” Leopardi an early +poem “To Spring,” beautiful but not of his deepest, regrets the +banished divinities, and since the halls of Olympus are void, appeals +to Nature to restore to his spirit its first fire, if she indeed lives. +Schiller in his “Gods of Greece” passionately laments them; and Mrs. +Browning more passionately answers him, crying, “God himself is the +best Poet, and the Real is his song and the Real we accept perforce +in its fulness, but discern not how it can derive from an unreal God. +Novalis in his “Hymns to the Night” laments with Schiller the +unsouling of Nature, “bound in iron chains by arid number and rigorous +rule;” but goes on to celebrate the resurrection of Humanity in +Christ. Heine in his. “Gods of Greece,” after declaring in his wild +way that he has never loved the old deities, that to him the Greek are +repugnant, and the Romans thoroughly hateful, yet avows that when he +considers how dastardly and windy are the gods who overcame them, the +new reigning sorrowful gods, malignant in their sheep’s, clothing of +humility, he feels ready to fight for the former against these. This +change of the celestial dynasty is indeed a favorite theme with him. +Elsewhere he pictures the Olympians holding high revelry, with nectar +and ambrosia, with Apollonian music and inextinguishable laughter, when +suddenly a wretched Jew staggers in, his brow bleeding from a crown of +thorns, trailing on his shoulder a heavy cross, which he heaves upon +the banquet table; and forthwith the revel is no more, the divine feast +disappears, the everburning lights are quenched, the triumphant gods and +goddesses vanish terror-smitten, dethroned for ever and ever. And again, +in his incomparable “Gods in Exile,” he tells us what became of +these dispersed Olympians during the Dark Ages, in the thick night of +the noontide of Christianity; how they were transformed from celestial +to infernal by the monstrous superstition of that baleful era; as we +find the hoofs and horns of Pan transferred to the Devil himself; as +we find Venus in that legend of Tannhauser which has fascinated so many +poets, as well as great Wagner,— + +:: + + Vénus, ma belle déesse, + Vous êtes diablesse! + +More than eighteen hundred years have passed since the death of the +great god Pan was proclaimed; and now it is full time to proclaim the +death of the great god Christ. Eighteen hundred years make a fairly long +period even for a celestial dynasty; but this one in its perishing must +differ from all that have perished before it, seeing that no other can +succeed it; the throne shall remain void for ever, the royalty of the +Heavens be abolished. Fate, in the form of Science, has decreed the +extinction of the gods. Mary and her babe must join Venus and Love, Isis +and Horus; living with them only in the world of art. Jesus on his cross +must dwindle to a point, even in the realms of legend under Prometheus +on Caucasus. For ages already the Father has been as spectral as +Jupiter; for ages already the Holy Ghost has been but the shadow of a +shade. And the last, not least, member of the Divine Royal Family, Satan +the Prince of Darkness, Prince of this World, and Prince of the Powers +of the Air, is no more alive than Pluto, who also was born brother to +the Monarch of Heaven. The Hebrew dynasty of the gods is no more; it has +done much evil in its long sovranty, which we will try to forget now it +ceases to reign; it has done some little good, whose remembrance we will +cherish when it is sepulchred, Christ the Great is dead, but Pan the +Great lives again, as Mr. Maccall told us in some lines published in +this paper several years ago. Pan lives, not as a God, but as the All, +Nature, now that the oppression of the Supernatural is removed. I may be +told that Christianity is yet alive and flourishing, that its priesthood +and its churches hold possession of Europe and America and Australia. So +the priesthood and the shrines of the Olympians kept possession of the +Roman Empire centuries after the crucifixion of Jesus. When the spirit +of a faith has departed, that faith is dead, and its burial is only a +question of time. When the noblest hearts worship not at its altars, +when the most vigorous intellects abandon its creeds, the knell of its +doom has rung. At the risk of being thought bigoted or prejudiced, +I must avow that to my mind the decomposition of Christianity is so +offensively manifest and advanced, that, with the exception of a very +few persons whose transcendent genius could throw a glamor of glory over +any creed however crude and mean, and whom I recognise as far above my +judgment, I can no longer give my esteem to any educated man who has +investigated and still professes this, religion, without grave deduction +at the expense of his heart, his intellect, or his conscience, if not of +all three. Miraculous voices are not heard in these days; but everywhere +myriads of natural voices are continually announcing to us, and +enjoining us to announce to others, Great Christ is dead! + + +.. clearpage:: + +RESURRECTION AND ASCENSION OF JESUS +=================================== + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: I In + +In reviewing Mr. R. H. Hutton’s Essay on “Christian Evidences, +Popular and Critical,” I was obliged to follow his lead, joining issue +on such pleas as he put forward. Thus with regard to the resurrection of +Jesus, as Mr. Hutton adduced what he thought confirmatory evidence +only from the New Testament itself, I confined myself to showing or +attempting to show that such evidence is unsubstantial. But I could +not consider this argument adequate or conclusive, for there are large +general considerations of incomparably greater importance which it +leaves out altogether. It is as if a case ruled by broad principles of +equity were to be decided on the narrowest technical grounds. Therefore, +while confident that even on these grounds the case must go against the +Christian believer, I wish to add a few words on its wider relations, in +order that the decision may be established, not merely by the letter of +the law, but also by the spirit of justice. + +We leave thus the torturing of texts in the dim cells of the theological +Inquisition, a process by which almost any confession required can be +and has been wrung from the unfortunate victims, and emerge into the +open daylight of common-sense and reason. And here I venture to assert +that if the story of the resurrection and ascension were recorded of any +other than Jesus in any other sacred book than the Bible, Mr. Hutton and +all other intelligent Christians would not only disbelieve it, but would +not even condescend to investigate it, condemning it offhand as too +preposterous to be worthy of serious attention. Thus, what Christian has +ever deigned to examine critically the marvels affirmed in the Koran, +such as Mohammed’s visit to heaven; although the Koran can be traced +far more surely to the Prophet of Islam than can the Gospels to their +reputed authors, and this Prophet bears a far higher character for +truthfulness than do the early Christians? Nay, what Bibliolater has +ever seriously weighed the evidence for the miracles of his fellow +Christian the great St. Bernard; such as those which are minutely +related and solemnly attested by ten eye-witnesses, men well known and +of unimpeached veracity, and which are thus infinitely better attested +than any miracle in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation? + +Your enlightened Protestant simply shrugs his shoulders at all such +stories, and says with a superior smile: “Of course, mere imposture +and collusion, or superstition and delusion; no sensible man can afford +to waste his time in weighing that sort of stuff; we don’t think twice +before determining whether the impossible ever really occurred.” +How, then, can this enlightened Protestant receive without question +the miracles of the Jewish books while rejecting without question all +others? We have seen that it cannot be because of any superiority of +evidence for the former, since the evidence for the latter is in many +cases infinitely greater and better authenticated, and since he does not +attempt to weigh evidence before either accepting or rejecting, though +he may seek evidence and argument to confirm what he has already given +himself to believe. He accepts the Jewish miracles simply because they +have come down to him, through many generations of his forefathers, +invested with a glamor of sanctity, and he regards them with the eye of +faith which sees, and sees not, just what it wishes; he rejects +miracles not in the Bible because they come to him without any hallowed +associations, and he regards them with the eye of reason which beholds +the plain facts before it, and neither wishes nor is able to avoid +beholding them. + +It is worth noting that while our Christian advocates insist with +all their might, such as it is, upon the resurrection of Jesus, they +willingly pass over as lightly as possible, if they do not altogether +ignore, a similar miracle guaranteed by the very same authority. In +Matt, xxvii., 52, 53, it stands recorded among the marvels following the +death of Jesus: “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of +the saints which slept arose, and came out of their graves after his +resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.” +The reader of Shakespeare will remember the prodigies anterior to the +death of Julius Cæsar when— + +:: + + “The sheeted dead + Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets.” + +This prodigal multiplicity and superfluity of resurrections seems to +have been not a little embarrassing to modern Christian champions, +though doubtless it did not in the least trouble the primitive +non-scientific believers, to whom nothing was more natural than the +unnatural, including the supernatural and the infranatural. An apologist +of our days who *must* affirm the one resurrection, seeing that his +whole religion is based upon it, and who, though valiantly defying +science, seeks to conciliate historical possibility, finds his task +quite heavy enough in accounting for the facts that the risen Jesus +“was seen of above five hundred brethren at once,” and yet that +no record of his rising can be found beyond the limits of the New +Testament. But the difficulties of the poor apologist are enormously +increased if he must further contend that many bodies of the saints +came out of their graves, and went into the holy city, and appeared +unto many, and still there is no external evidence. We are surely at the +utmost limits of the possible in conceiving that Jesus could appear unto +five hundred of the brethren at once (there is no hint elsewhere that he +had so many permanent followers in his lifetime; in Acts i., 15, we +find that there were about one hundred and twenty gathered after the +ascension), without the priests and the Roman officials hearing of the +apparition and investigating it. But if many others rose from their +graves and appeared to many, it is absolutely impossible that anyone +in Jerusalem could be ignorant of the miracle; equally impossible that +Pilate and his officers did not investigate it, and equally impossible +that finding it real he did not report it with the evidence to Rome, +for the Empire was a thoroughly organised State, and the Romans were +a thoroughly practical and business-like people. Once in the imperial +archives, the record of the miracle would have spread everywhere; all +subsequent historians would have related it, all subsequent writers +referred to it. So it is no wonder that, recoiling from these manifold +impossibilities, the Christian advocates prefer to dwell on the one +resurrection as if it were unique, and avoid dwelling on the others +that by the very same testimony immediately followed it. It is very +significant that neither in the Acts nor in the Epistles is there +any allusion to these resurrections. When Peter and the others were +preaching the resurrection of Christ, why did they not adduce and +produce some of these many, risen saints, whose visible, tangible, +living and speaking evidence would have been irresistible? + +Just as the resurrection of Jesus could be accepted without misgiving by +the non-scientific early Christians, to whom miracles appeared among the +most frequent occurrences of life, so could the ascension. Their earth +was a plane, vaulted by the sky, lamped by the little sun and moon and +stars; above this vault was Heaven, where their God dwelt enthroned; +they knew nothing of the law of gravitation; their Christ, standing in +the flesh on the Mount of Olives, floated up through this vault to sit +enthroned beside his Father in the most natural supernatural manner. We +can conceive and sympathise with this simple faith; but it is hard +to conceive and sympathise with the blind faith, which seems wilfully +blind, of the modem educated Christians. It has been often remarked that +Copernicus and Kepler and Newton have destroyed all the old mythologies, +including of course the mythology of both the Old and New Testaments. +With the earth no longer the universe of mortal life, between a Heaven +above its domed firmament and a Hades like a vast dungeon beneath, but +a quite infinitesimal grain of sand involved by an infinitesimal drop +of dew, floating and revolving in an ocean of space boundless in heighth +and depth and breadth, amidst innumerable other spherules, most of +which visible are very much greater than itself, and at inconceivable +distances from it; with man no longer the lord of the creation, for +whose service all things were made, but an animalcule inexpressibly +small, living for a moment inexpressibly brief, with limitless time +before his beginning and limitless time beyond his end; the Christian +mythology and system, among others, because ineffably absurd. Where is +the Heaven for its God? where the Hell for its Devil? Where is above? +Where beneath? Whence came the winged angels, with their wrings which +would not enable them to fly? + +If Jesus had ascended and continued to ascend with the speed of light, +he might be ascending now and go 011 ascending for millions and millions +of years, and still not reach a heavenly region beyond the range of our +telescopes I And think of the scheme of the Atonement in the system of +the universe, as we are learning to know it now—try to conceive an +infinite and eternal God of this infinite and eternal Whole sacrificing +his only son for the salvation of us most insignificant insects on our +most insignificant earth! The immense conceptions of science dwarf +these petty conceptions of mythology to a littleness which reduces +them beneath consideration, which in our days reduces them even beneath +contempt. + +Naturally the churches have always hated and resisted science, and the +theologians have seldom dared to face its conclusions. They ignore the +immensities, and confine their vision to the pages of a single book, to +a history whose chronology counts not six thousand years. But, as I have +remarked, even this minute field they cannot hold against the sceptic, +who has made them abandon all the rest of the universe. Why did their +risen Lord only slink about among his own disciples, appearing to these +but at flying instants: why did he not, with his well-known features +and with the wounds of the nails and the spear in his body, confront the +chief priests and Pilate and the whole of Jerusalem, and compel them to +acknowledge and bear enduring witness to his resurrection? Why did he +not summon all the people from the highest to the lowest to the solemn +spectacle of his ascension, securing multitudinous and permanently +recorded evidence such as none of us could doubt? We might go on asking +Why? and Why? and Why? in this fashion on a hundred points, confident +that to not one of our questions could the Christian apologist give a +straightforward and satisfactory answer. As the scheme of the Atonement +is presented to us, God sacrificed his only son that all mankind might +be saved through belief in him; yet not merely neglected to secure +trustworthy evidence and certain record of this supreme fact and the +miracles attesting it, but adopted every means possible to make the +evidence untrustworthy, the record uncertain, the miracles and the +sacrifice incredible. + + +.. clearpage:: + +SOME MUSLIM LAWS AND BELIEFS +============================ + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The following notes are drawn from E. W. Lane’s charming and +instructive “Manners and Customs of the Modem Egyptians” (fifth and +standard ed., 1860), a worthy companion to Sir Gardner Wilkinson’s +book on the Ancient Egyptians, and written about forty years since, +before steam-communication had materially changed that people. The +muédoins, whose summons to prayer is one of the few audible charms of +the East to a western, are generally chosen from the blind, in order +that the harems and terraces of houses may not be overlooked from the +minarets. *Our* callers to prayer are generally blind also; but this is +because few clearsighted men will in these days accept the office. The +imams or priests and other religious officials are all paid from the +funds of their respective mosques, and not by any contributions exacted +from the people: a lesson to us with our State Church. The imâms have +no authority above other persons, and enjoy no respect save for reputed +learning and piety; they are not a distinct order of men set apart for +the ministry, but may resign or be displaced, losing with the office +the title of imâm; they chiefly obtain their living by other means than +service in the mosque (for which their salaries are as a rule only +about a shilling a month), many of them being tradesmen: here surely are +several good lessons for us. The mosques are open all day, and the great +mosque El-Azhar all night; the Muslims have great reverence for them, +yet in many of the larger ones persons lounge, chat, eat, sleep, spit, +sew, etc.: another lesson to us with our churches nearly always closed +and useless. The Muslim does not abstain from business on the Friday, +his Sabbath, except during the time of prayer, and for this he has the +authority of the Kur-ân: when will our bigoted Sabbatarians learn so +much liberal wisdom from him? The Prophet did not forbid women to attend +public prayers in the mosques, but pronounced it better for them to pray +in private; in Cairo they are not admitted to the public prayers, +it being thought that their presence would inspire a wrong sort of +devotion. The result is that few women in Egypt pray at all. If ours +were in like case, how many churches and chapels would attract large +congregations? The Egyptians, like the modern Arabs, are not a truthful +people, but there are some oaths which few would falsely take; such +as swearing three times by “God the Great,” or on a copy of the +Kur-ân “By what this contains of the word of God!”—I wonder +whether the Christian Englishmen are few who falsely swear by God and on +the Bible. Mr. Lane witnessed many instances of forbearance in persons +of the middle and lower classes when grossly insulted; and often heard +an Egyptian say on receiving a blow from an equal, “God bless thee,” +“God requite thee good,” “Beat me again”: how many of the +Christians obey in like manner one of the plainest precepts of Christ? +In general a quarrel terminates by one or both of them saying “Justice +is against me”; often after this they recite together the first +chapter of the Kur-ân; and then, sometimes, embrace and kiss one +another. If a similar custom prevailed here there would be little +serious quarrelling; for the men would all avoid disputes save with +pretty girls and charming women, and would always make it up very +quickly with them. The Muslim believes that there have been six great +Prophets and Apostles—Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Mohammed; +each of whom received a revealed law or system of religion and morality, +each of the first five abrogated and superseded by the next, though all +were the same in essentials. Thus the Jews from the time of Moses to +that of Christ, and the Christians (if they did not accept the corrupt +and idolatrous doctrine of the divinity of Jesus) from the time of +Christianity to that of Mohammed, were true believers. Of course the +last is the greatest Prophet, and since his revelation the Muslims only +have been the faithful. The Pentateuch, Psalms and Gospels, though of +divine origin, have been so much altered as to contain very little of +the true Word of God; but the Kur-ân is supposed to have suffered +no essential change whatever. Jesus was born of a pure virgin by the +miraculous operation of God, without any father human or divine. When he +had fulfilled the object of his mission, he was taken up to God from the +Jews who sought to slay him, and another man, on whom God had stamped +the likeness of Jesus, was crucified in his stead. He will come again +upon earth, to establish the Muslim religion and perfect peace and +security, after having killed Anti-Christ, and to be a sign of the +approach of the last day. In all these doctrines the Muslims are +decidedly more consistent and liberal, as well as somewhat less +superstitious than the Christians, with their God-man and trinity +in unity, their damnation of Mohammed as a mere impostor and of his +religion, El Islam, as a vile fabrication of stolen materials. “The +Egyptians pay a superstitious reverence not to imaginary beings alone: +they extend it to certain individuals of their own species; and often to +those who are justly the least entitled to such respect. An *idiot* or a +*fool* is vulgarly regarded by them as a being whose mind is in heaven, +while his grosser part mingles among ordinary mortals; consequently, +he is considered an especial favorite of heaven. Whatever enormities +a reputed saint may commit (and there are many who are constantly +infringing precepts of their religion) such acts do not affect his fame +for sanctity: for they are considered as the results of the abstraction +of his mind from worldly things; his soul, or reasoning faculties, +being wholly absorbed in devotion, so that his passions are left without +control. Lunatics who are dangerous to society are kept in confinement; +but those who are harmless are generally regarded as saints. *Most +of the reputed saints of Egypt are either lunatics, or idiots, or +impostors.*” wonder whether this applies at all, and if it does, to +what extent, to the countless saints of our Most Holy Catholic Church +of Christendom. In Egypt, as in other countries of the East, Muslims, +Christians, and Jews adopt each other’s superstitions, while they +abhor the leading doctrines of each other’s faith. “In sickness, the +Muslim sometimes employs Christian and Jewish priests to pray for him: +the Christians and Jews, in the same predicament, often call in Muslim +saints for the like purpose!” So much human nature is there in man, +not to speak of woman. The Muslims profoundly reverence the Kur-ân, yet +will quote it on the most trivial occasions in jest as well as on the +most important in earnest. They are generally fond of conversing on +religion among themselves; and the most prevalent mode of entertaining +a party of guests among the higher middle classes, in Cairo, is the +recital of the whole of the Kur-ân, which is chanted by special persons +hired for the purpose, or other religious exercises. This chanting +of the Kur-ân takes up about nine hours. When will our fashionable +Bibliolaters issue invitations for the treat of hearing poor curates or +scripture readers intone the whole of the Bible, or even so much of it +at a time as might be got through in nine hours? When, oh when? + +Ladies will learn with approval that it is thought improper, and even +disreputable, for a man to be single. Mr. Lane was a bachelor during his +first two visits to Egypt; and in the former of these, having to change +his residence, engaged another house. The lease was duly signed and some +money paid in advance, but the inhabitants of the neighborhood (who were +mostly descendants of the Prophet) would not have an unmarried man in +their midst. The agent said they would gladly admit him if he would but +purchase a female slave, thus redeeming himself from the opprobrium of +not possessing a wife of some sort. He managed to secure a house in a +less scrupulous quarter, but had to engage that no creature wearing a +hat should visit him. The Sheykh or chief of this quarter often urged +him to marry; Lane objected that he intended to live in Egypt only a +year or two longer. The Sheykh answered, with great moral force and +earnestness, that a handsome young widow a few doors off would be glad +to marry him, on the express understanding that he should divorce her on +going away; while of course he could do so earlier if she did not +suit him. Now this young widow, in spite of her religion and veil, had +several times contrived (the Sage saith that there is nothing a woman +cannot contrive, except to refrain from contriving) to let our Oriental +Englishman catch a glimpse of her very pretty face; and the miserable +bachelor was reduced to plead that she was the very last woman he would +like to marry *pro tempore*, for he felt sure that once wed he could +never make up his mind to part with her. Doubtless all our single men, +and especially our Christian young men, would much rather be deemed +disreputable and denied decent lodgings than establish their character +for virtue and respectability by buying female slaves, however cheap, or +marrying nice young widows divorcible at pleasure! + +As to polygamy, Mr. Lane remarks that it can only be defended as +preventing a greater immorality than it occasions; and that Mohammed, +like Moses, did not introduce but limited and regulated it. The +ancient Egyptians had but one wife each, though they might have slave +concubines. Polygamy, however, is rare, and rarer among the upper and +middle classes than the lower; “I believe that not more than one +husband in twenty has two wives.” The mere sentence, “I give myself +up to thee,” uttered by a female to a man who proposes to become her +husband (even without the presence of witnesses, if none can easily be +procured) renders her his legal wife if arrived at puberty. A man +may divorce his wife twice, and each time take her back without any +ceremony, unless she has paid for it by resigning the reserved third of +the dowry, furniture, etc.; but if he divorces her the third time, or +puts her away by a triple divorce conveyed in one sentence, he cannot +receive her again until she has been, married and divorced by another +husband, who must have consummated his marriage with her. To divorce +her, he simply has to say, “Thou art divorced,” or “I divorce +thee”; but the woman cannot separate herself from her husband against +his will, unless it be for some considerable fault on his side, such +as cruel treatment or neglect. The facility of divorce has depraving +effects, upon both sexes. Many men in the course of ten years have +married twenty, thirty, or more wives; and women not far advanced in age +have been wives to a dozen or more successively. “I have heard of men +who have been in the habit of marrying a new wife almost every month.” +But such conduct is generally regarded as very disgraceful; and few +persons in the upper or middle classes would give a daughter in marriage +to a person who had divorced many wives. + +The women deem it more incumbent to cover the upper and back part of +the head than the face; and more requisite to conceal the face than most +parts of the person. Many among the lower classes never conceal their +faces; women may often be seen with nothing but a narrow strip of rag +round the hips. The face-veils have the advantage of leaving the eyes +visible, which are generally the most beautiful of the features; fine +figures being more common than altogether handsome faces; though some +faces are of a beauty distinguished by such sweetness of expression that +they seem the perfection of female loveliness, “and impressed me at +the time with the idea that their equal could not be found in any other +country.” The women of Cairo are less strictly guarded than in most +Eastern lands; wives are proud of the restraint as showing that the +husbands value them highly, looking upon themselves as hidden treasures. +To such an absurd extent do Muslims carry their feeling of the +sacredness of women that entrance into the tombs of some women is +forbidden to men; and a man and woman are never buried in the same +vault, without a wall between them—as if their very corpses might +get up to mischief. For adultery on the part of the woman the Kur-ân +prescribes death by stoning, but drowning is generally substituted. +Unless detected by an officer of justice *four eye-witnesses are +required*; failing these, the accuser is to be scourged with eighty +stripes. This extraordinary law is traced to an accusation of adultery +against the Prophet’s favorite wife “Aïsheh,” who was thus +absolved from punishment, and subsequent revelations established her +innocence. If we had a similar law here we might close our Divorce +Court. If a husband without any witnesses accuses his wife of adultery, +he must swear four times by God that he speaks the truth, and the fifth +time imprecate God’s curse on himself if he is a liar; but the wife +can counterbalance this by swearing four times by God that he is a liar, +and the fifth time imprecating God’s wrath on herself if he speaks the +truth. The commentators and lawyers have agreed that in this dilemma the +marriage must be dissolved. When a peasant woman is found to have been +unfaithful to her husband, in general he or her brother throws her into +the Nile, with a stone tied to her neck; or cuts her to pieces and +then throws these into the river. In most instances a father or brother +punishes in the same manner an unmarried daughter or sister who has been +guilty of incontinence. These relatives are considered more disgraced +than the husband by the crime of the woman; and are often despised if +they do not thus punish her. Women in easy circumstances are put to bed +for from three to six days after childbirth; but poor women in the same +case seldom take to bed at all, and after a day or two resume their +ordinary occupations, if these do not require great exertion. + +The law of inheritance is remarkable in two respects; primogeniture is +not privileged, and in most cases the share of a female is half that +of a male in the same degree of relationship. A debtor is only kept +imprisoned for debt if he cannot prove himself insolvent; but if able, +he may be made work out what he owes. Apostacy from the faith is death +if not recanted on three warnings. Blasphemy against God or any of the +Great Prophets, whether repented or not, is instant death: on the ground +that apostacy or infidelity is but ignorance and misjudgment, while +blasphemy shows utter depravity. If Christians blaspheming Mohammed were +punished as are Muslims blaspheming Christians, what a number of our +enlightened clerical teachers would have died the death of malefactors! + +The Copts, or descendants of the ancient Egyptians, said to number about +150,000, are Christians, but scarcely a credit to that religion whose +votaries boast of its civilising and elevating character. The fact is +that in advanced countries the Christianity has been civilised by the +Secularism, not the Secularism by the Christianity; in countries where +the sciences and arts are stationary or retrograde, Christianity proves +that it has in itself no motive-power, and is generally even more +degraded than the other superstitions around it. Mr. Lane almost +despaired of learning anything about these Copts, until he had the good +fortune to become acquainted with a character of which he had doubted +the existence—a Copt of a liberal as well as an intelligent mind. +They hate the Greeks and all other Christians not of their own sect much +worse than they hate the Muslims themselves. The priests are supported +only by alms or by their own industry. Their language is a dead one. +They pray seven times a day, in the course of these reciting the whole +Book of Psalms, as well as chapters of the Bible, prayers, etc.: a fine +example to their lax co-religionists here. They have long and arduous +fasts. In spite or because of all this, they bear a very bad character +as sullen, avaricious, abominable dissemblers, cringing or domineering +according to circumstances. The one respectable Copt discovered by Lane +admitted that they are generally ignorant, faithless, worldly, sensual, +and drunken; he declared that the Patriarch was a tyrant and suborner +of false witnesses; that the monks and priests in Cairo are seen every +evening begging and asking the loan of money, which they never repay, at +the houses of their parishioners and other acquaintances, and procuring +brandy if possible wherever they call. So much for our esteemed +fellow-Christians in Egypt, descendants of what in heathen times was +long the foremost nation in the world. + +“Women are not to be excluded from paradise, according to the faith +of El Islam; though it has been asserted by many Christians, that the +Muslims believe women to have no soul. In several places in the Kur-ân, +Paradise is promised to all true believers.” They will be admitted by +God’s mercy on account of their faith, not of their good works; but +their felicity there will be proportioned to their good works. The very +meanest male in Paradise is promised eighty thousand beautiful youths +as servants, and seventy-two wives of the daughters of Paradise. These +celestial virgins we commonly call houris, but learned and accurate +Mr-Lane terms them hooreeyehs, vividly suggesting that the Muslim saints +burst into rapturous and prolonged hoorays on first perceiving them. +He may also have the wives he had here below, if he wants them; and +doubtless the good will desire the good. On behalf of the earthly fair +sex, I must emphatically protest against this part of the heavenly +arrangements. How do we know that the good husband will desire the good +wife, however good, when he has two-and-seventy maidens of Paradise +all to himself? The trust that he will, cannot be trusted; it is +a perfidious consolation to poor women. No wonder Muslim wives are +obsequious, when it depends on the will, pleasure or caprice of their +husbands whether they shall be re-married in the other world or not. +Mrs. Caudle herself would scarcely hazard a curtain lecture with this +atrocious alternative in prospect. Try to fancy being an old-maid or +grass-widow for ever and ever where all the men are very much married, +having six dozen wives each at the very lowest! Such a heaven to a good +woman were ten times crueller than hell. When the Muslim women have been +aroused to a sense of their rights, they will insist on being treated +in the next world on equal terms with the men: the meanest woman of +the faithful (supposing any woman can be mean) shall have her eighty +thousand beautiful servants, and her seventy-two husbands of the youths +of Paradise, resplendent, adoring, ever obedient. This settled first, +it will be a question for consideration between herself and her terrene +spouse whether they shall combine their several establishments, or +agree to be divorced by death. But I digress; women always lead us into +digressions, only these are usually much more interesting than the +dusty high-road along which it is our business to trudge. The meanest +of Muslims will further have a very large tent bejewelled with pearls, +jacinths and emeralds. He will be waited on by three hundred attendants +while he eats, and served in dishes of gold, whereof three hundred shall +be set before him at once, each containing a different kind of food, +“the last morsel of which will be as grateful as the first.” This +absence of satiety, this ever-fresh vigor, I believe, is to mark all +his enjoyments, however freely he may indulge in them. Though wine is +forbidden in this life, he may drink of it *ad libitum* in the next, and +the wine of Paradise doth not inebriate. He shall have perpetual youth, +and as many children as he may desire. He shall be ravished with the +songs of the angel Israfeel, “whose heart-strings are a lute, and who +has the sweetest voice of all God’s creatures.” I really cannot go +on; my feelings are too much for me. I remember when young being +taught to sing (or rather to squall; for my voice could never have +been mistaken for that of the angel Isrâfeel, even by a frequenter of +revival meetings or music halls):: + + “I thank the goodness and the grace (grays?) + Which on my birth have smiled, + And made me in these Christian days (dace?) + A happy English child.’* + +But now that I am a man, this same consideration fills me with bitterest +sorrow and anguish, so that I am ready to bellow:: + + I curse the evil and disgrace + Which have my birth defiled, + Who would have been in other case + A happy Muslim child! + +Yea, when I contrast these glowing and glorious prospects held out +to the faithful by the Kur-ân, with the everlasting singing in white +night-gowns, amidst the howling of elders and composite beasts all over +eyes (what our Heine terms “all the menagerie of the Apocalypse”), +in adoration of a God like a jasper and sardine stone to look upon, and +of a Lamb with seven horns and seven eyes; then do I wring my hands +and beat my breast and tear my hair, sighing and sobbing, moaning and +groaning, weeping and lamenting most piteously—Alas! and alas! and +alas! why was I bom in a Christian land and reared for the Christian +Heaven? Would that I had been born among the Muslims and brought up in +the faith of El Islâm! So should I be now looking forward (for from +such a generous faith never, never would I have lapsed) unto a Paradise +worthy of the name; revelling in anticipations of four-score thousand +servants, uncloying courses of three hundred dishes, unlimited strong +wine without inebriation, six-dozen wives of the refulgent celestial +virgins, aging not themselves, aging not me; perpetual youth, unsating +and unexhausting raptures, for ever, and ever, and ever; and instead of +having to sing my own throat hoarse, I should have the angel Isrâfeel +to sing for me. Ah, dear God! Thou most Compassionate! Thou most +Bountiful! Thou to whom all things are possible! grant that I may even +yet be converted from a doleful Christian infidel into a blessed Muslim +true believer! O God the All-merciful, save me from the terrors +and tortures of our Sankey and Moody Christian heaven! O God the +All-gracious, let me lie secure in the arms of six-dozen hooreeyehs of +Paradise of El Islam! Amen, and Amen. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE CHRISTIAN WORLD AND THE SECULARIST +====================================== + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The *Christian World* of the 1st inst. has another note on the article +on “Some Muslim Laws and Beliefs.” As Mr. Foote responded to the +first note on behalf of the *Secularist*, I, as the author of the +obnoxious article, which was mainly mere compilation from the work of a +Christian scholar and gentleman, may say a few words on my own behalf in +reply to the second, which is as follows:— + +“A correspondent writes:—In your ‘Notes by the Way’ last week +there is a painful, though not unseasonable, quotation from a writer +on ‘Muslim Laws and Beliefs.’ This, as coming from a Secularist, +is deplorable enough. It is very much more so that the late Viscount +Amberley, a son of a veteran statesman, should in his ‘Analysis of +Religious Belief,’ which might indeed more justly be termed ‘A +Panegyric of all Heathen Beliefs, and a Travesty of that of the +Christian,’ have given a like description of the paradise of the +Koran, and should have sneeringly told us that the Christian Scriptures, +in their pictures of the heavenly life, ‘*strangely overlook this +enjoyment*’ of ‘ever virgins’ never growing old, who are to +‘supply the faithful with the pleasure of love’ (vide Vol. II., p. +200). This is but a specimen of the disdainful and derisive tone with +which this writer, who at length leaves himself stranded in a region +of the dreariest Atheism, continually speaks of that Book which what he +terms ‘the illusions of our younger days’ might have taught him o +respect.” + +I do not doubt that the quotation was painful to the Christian +correspondent, since it is always painful to have our lifelong +prejudices shocked by those who have never shared them, or who have +attained freedom from their yoke. One might give not a few quotations +from any number of the *Christian World* which would be very painful to +a pious Muslim. Nor do I doubt that the quotation was not unseasonable, +for quotations from the *Secularist* must always be seasonable in an +influential Christian periodical, when they tend to expand the Christian +narrowness, and show that there is much to be said in favor of other +beliefs. And I admit that, like many other things coming from a +Secularist, it must have been deplorable enough to a Christian suckled +on the Bible, and assured in his unreflecting ignorance that it is the +one true word of the three-in-one true god. But the correspondent finds +it very much more deplorable that a son of a veteran statesman should +agree with the Secularist—as if the sons of veteran statesmen +were naturally expected to be sunk deeper than other persons in the +prevailing superstition. The correspondent who, we may presume, has +always been taught, and has never doubted, that all heathen beliefs are +wholly devilish, and that the Christian belief is wholly divine, thinks +that Viscount Amberley’s book is a panegyric of the former and a +travesty of the latter. If the unfortunate correspondent had the courage +and intelligence to enter upon a real analysis of religious belief, he +would soon discover that he and his co-religionists have been all +along travestying every form of what they call heathenism. With amusing +simplicity he is astonished that Lord Amberley gives a like description +of the paradise of the Kur-ân to that which I gave in the *Secularist*, +as if he could have been accurate in giving any other, when mine was +drawn from one of the most careful and accurate of writers, the Oriental +Englishman, unequalled in his knowledge of Arabic literature and life! +Why, in the very week following the attack on the *Secularist*, the +*Christian World’s* twin sister, the *Literary World* (perhaps incited +thereto by its study of our vilified paper), showed that it had been +reading or dipping into Lane, by an article on him under the queer title +of “A Man of One Book,” he being distinguished for three—“The +Manners and Customs of the Modem Egyptians,” the translation of +the “Arabian Nights,” with its peerless notes, and the monumental +“Arabic Lexicon”; and the said queerly-named article echoed the +general praise of his thoroughness and accuracy, and repeated the +statement of those who knew him, that he was a deeply pious man. I am +not concerned with the defence of Lord Amberley, and shall therefore not +follow further the correspondent’s remarks on his book, save to note +that a man who says that any such writer “leaves himself stranded in +a region of the dreariest Atheism,” proves himself by this one phrase +utterly incompetent to study that word or understand its subject matter; +and, as ignorant and incapable, had better confine himself to the +Sunday-school, the Young Men’s Christian Association, the religious +tea-meeting, and street-corner raving. + +It may be as well to say something on my own account, in addition to +the vigorous remarks of Mr. Foote, in reply to the first note of the +*Christian World*, and vindication of the passage it impugned. And +first, as to the Book of Revelation, which claims to be prophetic, and +stands in our Bible as the work of St. John the Divine. Luther, indeed, +who was not afraid to pass an independent judgment, said, “I look upon +the revelation as neither apostolic nor prophetic;” but it is received +as both by our English Protestants, and continually referred to by them +as the record of a genuine and authentic vision. But I assert, without +fear of contradiction, that if they had never known it, and some +missionary brought home an account of its marvels as belonging to the +faith of some Polynesian islanders, they would be filled with wonder +and compassion at the monstrous superstitions of those poor heathen +barbarians. Yes, Exeter Hall and the readers and writers of the +*Christian World* itself, would assuredly invoke help to enlighten the +degraded idolaters who believed in a heaven whose God was to look upon +like a jasper and a sardine; in the midst of whose throne, and round +about whose throne, were four beasts—a lion, a calf, a man-faced +monster, an eagle—each with six wings, and full of eyes before and +behind and within; which beasts never rested day nor night from +saying, “Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty;” and which, moreover, +worshipped a lamb with seven horns and seven eyes—a figment more +extravagant than the many-headed and many-armed idols of India. And so +with the other enormities of the Apocalypse. Our civilised gentlemen of +the *Christian World* can only believe that they believe these things, +because hallowed associations and unreflecting faith blind their +judgment to the obvious absurdity of the imagery and the conspicuous +non-fulfilment of the prophecy, which again and again claims to announce +events then at hand, to come quickly. + +In the next place I assert that the everlasting monotonous singing of +the praises of the lamb, the interminable senseless routine, is not +a whit more spiritual, while infinitely less alluring, than the +occupations of the Mohammedan Paradise. If it be answered that +enlightened Christians have nobler ideas of heaven, I reply that +such anticipations are not warranted by the New Testament, and that +magnanimous Muslims have also nobler anticipations of paradise, for +which there is warrant in the Kur-ân. And while on the subject of +spirituality, I may remark that the pure monotheism of the Muslim and +the Jew is immensely more spiritual, as well as more rational, than +the monotritheism of the Christian, which not only deifies a man, but +juggles with a so-called mystery that cannot be expressed in words +without self-contradiction, cannot be conceived in thought, and, by the +confession of its own apologists, defies reason. + +As to the “hysterical buffoonery,” I have yet to learn that there is +anything hysterical in a jolly burst of Rabelaisian laughter. And as to +the “poor hollow mockery,” I can assure the writer in the *Christian +World* that the mockery was quite rich, sound and genuine in relation +to the Apocalypse of his idolised book and the popular Protestant Moody +and Sankey heaven. (By the bye, can anyone inform us whether Mr. Sankey +is really a Jew, and not a Christian Jew, as I have heard positively +asserted on Hebrew authority?) As to the “blasphemous irreverence” +and the “horrible and blasphemous invocation,” I deny the +possibility of blasphemy where there is no belief. A man may blaspheme +that which he accounts worthy of reverence, because in speaking evil of +it he violates his own convictions and holiest feelings. But if for me +there is no God, how can I blaspheme him? Speaking contemptuously of +him, I but contemn nothing. If the writer in the *Christian World* were +accused of blasphemy for reviling Jupiter and Venus, Brahma and Vishnu, +Baal and Moloch, the Goddess of Reason and Mumbo Jumbo, he would reply, +I cannot blaspheme false gods, meaning simply gods in whom he has no +faith. Just so, + +I say that I cannot blaspheme the trinity-in-unity of the Christian, +which to me is non-existent, absurd, impossible. It would be well for +the writers and readers of the *Christian World* to ponder these things. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE ATHANASIAN CREED +==================== + +(1865.) + +.. dropcap:: O On + +On Christmas day, as on all other chief holidays of the year, the +ministers and congregations of our National Church have had the noble +privilege and pleasure of standing up and reciting the creed commonly +called of St. Athanasius. The question of the authorship does not +concern us here, but a note of Gibbon (chapter 37) is so brief and +comprehensive that we may as well cite it:—“But the three +following truths, however strange they may seem, are *now* universally +acknowledged. 1. St. Athanasius is not the author of the creed which +is so frequently read in our churches. 2. It does not appear to have +existed within a century after his death. 3. It was originally composed +in the Latin tongue, and consequently in the western provinces. +Gennadius, patriarch of Constantinople, was so much amazed by this +extraordinary composition, that he frankly pronounced it to be the +work of a drunken man.” (This Gennadius, by the bye, is the same whom +Gibbon mentions two or three times afterwards in the account of the +siege and conquest of Constantinople by the Turks, a.d. 1453). + +Whoever elaborated the Creed, and whether he did it drunk or sober, the +Church of England has made it thoroughly her own by adoption. + +Yet it must be admitted that many good churchmen, and perhaps even a few +churchwomen, have not loved this adopted child of their Holy Mother as +warmly as their duty commanded. The intelligently pious + +Tillotson wishes Mother Church well rid of the bantling; and poor George +the Third himself, with all his immense genius for orthodoxy, could not +take kindly to it. He was willing enough to repeat all its expressions +of theological faith—in fact, their perfect nonsense, their obstinate +irrationality, must have been exquisitely delightful to a brain such +as his; but he was not without a sort of vulgar manhood, even +when worshipping in the Chapel Royal, and so rather choked at its +denunciations—“for it do curse dreadful.” He could keep the faith +whole and undefiled by reason, yet did not like to assert that all who +had been and were and should in future be in this particular less happy +than himself, must without doubt perish everlastingly. + +On the other hand one of our most liberal Churchmen, Mr. Maurice, has +argued that this creed is essentially merciful, and that its retention +in the Book of Common Prayer is a real benefit. Mr. Maurice, however, as +we all know, interprets “perish everlastingly” into a meaning very +different from that which most members of the Church accept. And his +opinions lose considerably in weight from the fact that no man save +himself can infer any one of them from any other. For example, if +you are cheered up a bit by his notions as to “Eternal” and +“Everlasting,” you are soon depressed again by his pervading +woefulness. Of all the rulers we hear of—the ex-king of Naples, the +king of Prussia, the Elector of Hesse-Cassel, Abraham Lincoln, and the +Pope included—the poor God of Mr. Maurice is the most to be pitied: a +God whose world is in so deplorable a state that the good man who owns +Him lives in a perpetual fever of anxiety and misery in endeavoring to +improve it for Him. + +What part of this creed shocks the pious who are shocked at all by +it? Simply the comprehensive damnation it deals out to unbelievers, +half-believers, and all except whole believers. For we do not hear that +the pious are shocked by the confession of theological or theoillogical +faith itself. Their reverence bows and kisses the rod, which we cool +outsiders might fairly have expected to be broken up and flung out of +doors in a fury of indignation. Their sinful human nature is shocked +on account of their fellow-men; their divine religious nature is not +shocked on account of their God: yet does not the creed use God as badly +as man? + +A chemist secures some air, and analyses it into its ultimate +constituents, and states with precise numerals the proportions of +oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid therein. Just so the author of this +creed secures the Divinity and analyses it into Father, Son, and Holy +Ghost, and just as precisely he reports the relations of these. A +mathematician makes you a problem of a certain number divided into three +parts in certain ratios to each other and to the sum, from which ratios +you are to deduce the sum and the parts. Just so the author of this +creed makes a riddle of his God, dividing him into three persons, from +whose inter-relations you are to deduce the Deity. An anatomist gets +hold of a dead body and dissects it exposing the structure and functions +of the brain, the lungs, the heart, etc. Just so the author of this +creed gets possession of the corpse of God (He died of starvation doing +slop-work for Abstraction and Company; and the dead body was purveyed +by the well-known resurrectionist Priestcraft), and cuts it open and +expounds the generation and functions of its three principal organs. But +the chemist does not tell us that oxygen, nitrogen, and carbonic acid +are three gases and yet one gas, that each of them is and is not common +air, that they have each peculiar and yet wholly identical properties; +the mathematician does not tell us that each of the three parts of his +whole number is equal to the whole, and equal to each of the others, +and yet less than the whole and unequal to either of the others; the +anatomist does not tell us that brain and lungs and heart are each +distinct and yet all the same in substance, structure, and function, and +that each is in itself the whole body and at the same time is not: while +the author of this creed does tell us analogous contradictions of +the three members and the whole of his God. And the chemist, the +mathematician, and the anatomist do not damn us (except, perhaps, by +way of expletive at our stupidity) if we fail to understand and believe +their enunciations; but the author of this creed very seriously and +solemnly damns to everlasting perdition all who cannot put faith in his. +In other words, the chemist, the mathematician and the anatomist try to +be as reasonable and tolerant as human nature can hope to be; while the +author of this creed aims at and manages to reach an almost superhuman +unreason and intolerance. + +Giving him the full benefit of this difference, the fact remains that +in other respects he treats his subject just as they treat theirs. He, a +pious Christian, professing unbounded adoration and awe of his Divinity, +coolly analyses and makes riddles of and dissects this Divinity as if it +were a sample of air, a certain number, a dead body. This humble-minded +devotee, who knows so well that he is finite and that God is infinite, +and that the finite cannot conceive, much less comprehend, much less +express the infinite, yet expounds this Infinite with the most complete +and complacent knowledge, turns it inside out and upside down, tells us +all about it, cuts it up into three parts, and then glues it together +again with a glue that has the tenacity of atrocious wrongheadeduess +instead of the coherence of logic, puts his mark upon it, and says, +“This is the only genuine thing in the God line. If you are taken +in by any other, why, go and be damned;” and having done all this, +finishes by chanting “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to +the Holy Ghost!” And the pious are not shocked by what they should +abhor as horrible sacrilege and blasphemy; they are shocked only by +the “Go, and be damned,” which is the prologue and epilogue of the +blasphemy. Were the damnatory clauses omitted, it appears that even the +most devout worshippers could comfortably chant the “Glory be to the +Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost” immediately after they +had been thus degrading Father, Son, and Holy Ghost to the level and +beneath the level of their low human understanding. And these very +people are horrified by the lack of veneration in Atheists and infidels! +What infidel ever dealt with God more contemptuously and blasphemously +than this creed has dealt with him? Can it be expected that sane and +sensible men, who have out-grown the prejudices sucked in with their +mothers’ milk, will be reconverted to reverence a Deity whom his +votaries dare to treat in this fashion? + +Ere we conclude, it may be as well to anticipate a probable objection. +It may likely enough be urged that the author and reciters cf the creed +do not pretend to know the Deity so thoroughly as we have assumed, +since they avouch very early in the creed that the three persons of the +Godhead are one and all incomprehensible. If the word incomprehensible, +thus used, means (what it apparently meant in the author’s mind) +unlimited as to extension, just as the word eternal means unlimited as +to time, the objection is altogether wide of the mark.. But even if the +word incomprehensible be taken to mean (what it apparently means in +the minds of most people who use the creed) beyond the comprehension or +capacity of the human intellect, still the objection is without force. +For in the same sense a tuft of grass, a stone, anything and everything +in the world is beyond the capacity of the human intellect: the roots +of a tuft of grass strike as deeply into the incomprehensible as the +mysteries of the Deity. Relatively this creed tells us quite as much +about God as ever the profoundest botanist can tell us about the grass; +in fact, it tells relatively more, for it implies a knowledge of the +*Final Cause* of the subsistence of God, which no future botanist can +tell or imply of the grass. + + +.. clearpage:: + +OUR OBSTRUCTIONS +================ + +(1877.) + +.. dropcap:: W Walking + +Walking along the Strand and Fleet Street and through the heart of +the City, noting the churches on the way—high St. Martin’s, St. +Mary-le-Strand, St. Clement Danes, the Cathedral, and the many still +left wedged in by offices in the narrowest and busiest streets, or lanes +of London—I am always reminded of the old wooden ships laid up “in +ordinary,” as one sees them at Plymouth and Portsmouth, and elsewhere. +The churches, like the ships, though not so surely, may have done good +service in their time; but their day is past, never to return. When we +reflect on the subject, however, we find manifold differences between +the state of the churches and that of the ships. These are dismantled, +unrigged and dismasted, passive white hulls ghostly on the waters, as it +were the phantoms of the old swift-winged and thunder-striking eagles +of battle. But the churches remain in all their pride, complete in +equipment from lowest vault to topmost spire, even those which are shut +silent all the week, without the least pretence of use, and in which +on Sunday the droning and drowsy worship of a meagre congregation +“rattles like a withered kernel in a large shell.” Again, the +crews of the ships were discharged as soon as these were put out of +commission, while the full crews of the churches, rectors, vicars, +ushers, beadles, are kept on at full pay, and saunter through the old +exercises and parades as if they were valiant effectives instead of +dummies and shams. And this death-in-life of the churches is more dreary +and doleful than the naked death of the ships. + +These churches officially and effetely represent what is called the +English Reformation, the most ignoble in Europe; which, as Macaulay +remarks, merely transferred the full cup from the hand of the Pope to +the hand of the King, spilling as little,as possible by the way. It is +true that the State Church thus established, in spite of its illogical +position, boasted great men in its early days, inspired by patriotism as +against Rome, with abounding faith for the mysteries, with firm belief +in the Bible, with full confidence in metaphysical divinity. But now +Rome is formidable no longer, the mysteries are seen to be not only +incomprehensible but self-contradictory, the Bible has been torn +asunder by criticism, metaphysical divinity has been proved baseless; +all the best thought of the age abandons the Church and disregards its +dogmas; it has great men no more, nor ever again will have. Its general +character is well hit off by Ruskin, himself a devoted Christian, in the +phrase “the smooth proprieties of lowland Protestantism.”’ It +may be worth while to quote a little more from him on this +subject (“Modern Painters,” part v., chap. 20, “The Mountain +Glory”)—“But still the large aspect of the matter is always, among +Protestants, that formalism, respectability, orthodoxy, caution and +propriety, live by the slow stream that encircles the lowland abbey or +cathedral; and that enthusiasm, poverty, vital faith and audacity of +conduct, characterise the pastor dwelling by the torrent side.” And +again: “Among the fair arable lands of England and Belgium extends +an orthodox Protestantism or Catholicism—prosperous, creditable and +drowsy; but it is among the purple moors of the highland border, the +ravines of Mount Genévre, and the crags of the Tyrol, that we shall +find the simplest evangelical faith and the purest Romanist practice.” +In other words, in religion the highlander is enthusiastic and +superstitious, the low-lander lukewarm and worldly. Thus our fat English +Church still keeps to the text, “By grace ye are saved;” but its +grace now is chiefly of deportment. It boasts that its clergy are +gentlemen; and they may be, as a rule, in society, though we unbelievers +seldom find them so in controversy; and it seems to be persuaded that +we should continue to allow it several million pounds a year to keep +up this supply of gentlemen, when every profession, every trade shows +gentlemen quite as good, with the advantages of more intellect, more +experience of life, more courage and more sincerity. + +There is indeed a section of the clergy full of zeal—to restore the +priesthood. How some of these gentlemen compound with their consciences +in taking English pay and position for doing Romish work, is a standing +puzzle to honest laymen untrained in casuistry. But as they do rank +themselves among the parsons of our State Church, their ecclesiastical +pretensions are even more ludicrous than they are outrageously arrogant. +For ever preaching up the authority and discipline of the Church, they +are the first to rebel against it when it does not suit their whims. +Thus Mr. Tooth, of Hatcham, not only defies an Act of Parliament, but +also defies his bishop, and has plenty of abettors in doing both. I read +in the *Daily News*: “Two of Mr. Tooth’s supporters, whose letters +we have published, insist that the Public Worship Regulation Act is not +law and is not binding on Churchmen, because it has never received the +sanction of Convocation”—the said Convocation having about as much +influence and authority in the country as a tavern discussion society. + +Again: “One writer talks of the Church having been declared to be +free from all civil jurisdiction in spiritual affairs by many successive +Sovereigns. We did not know that our Sovereigns had a right to make laws +by Royal declarations, [and] not merely for their own time, but for all +time. According to these principles of constitutional government we +have three rival law-making powers in England—the Parliament, with +the Sovereign for one; the Declaration of the Sovereign for another; +and Convocation for a third. Of these Parliament would seem to be the +weakest, for it cannot negative the proceedings of the other two; +but either of these two can declare invalid what it has done.” +Can anything be more absurd? Here is a State Church established by +Parliament with the sanction of the monarch, endowed with national +endowments, liable to be disestablished and disendowed by Parliament +with the sanction of the monarch; yet many of its ministers claim to be +free from the authority of the State and Parliament to which it owes its +existence and subsistence! If they really desire such freedom, they can +easily obtain it. They have but to sever their adulterous connexion +with the State, restoring to the nation the endowments they have so long +misused, and they will then be emancipated from all control, at liberty +to teach what doctrines and practise what ritual they please. But these +super-spiritual clergy keep a desperate clutch on the revenues. If +anything could be more absurd than the defiance of Parliament, it would +be the defiance of their ecclesiastical superiors by these champions of +absolute ecclesiastical subordination. His bishop inhibits Mr. Tooth, +Mr. Tooth coolly disregards the inhibition, and one who sympathises with +him calmly writes to the *Daily News*? “Considering how bishops have +been appointed since the Reformation, it is hard to see why Mr. Tooth +and your correspondents should even pretend to obey them.” This is +frightful, and may well make even the hardened sceptic shudder. What! +a genuine successor of the Apostles (else the English Church has no +genuine priesthood) chosen by the Holy Ghost itself (in obedience to the +recommendation of the King or Queen) against his own humble wish (for he +declared *Nolo Episcopari*); and English Churchmen need not even pretend +to obey him! Such is the subordination of those who maintain the extreme +authority of the Church! + +Jesus has told us that a house divided against itself cannot stand, and +the house of our State Church is divided against itself most savagely. +But as the factions, while opposed to each other in all else, thoroughly +agree in adhering to their endowments and privileges, and with this +object shore up and buttress the edifice whose fall would be otherwise +imminent, it behoves us to exert ourselves in bringing to the ground as +speedily as possible the unsure and dangerous building, and diverting +the immense funds misemployed in sustaining its uselessness to the real +edification of the people. For as materially the Church of St. Mary is +planted silent, void and death-like in the midst of the living currents +of the Strand, obstructing and breaking the broad stream into two narrow +arms, so intellectually and morally, in whatever channel our active life +may flow, we find a similar obstacle, and in all directions we meet one +cry—“The Church stops the way.” + +But when we have removed the obstacle, when we have blasted it as the +Americans recently blasted that other rock of Hell-gate, clearing the +entrance to New York’s noble harbor, we shall find another and a more +inveterate obstacle fronting us—a Book. A book seems but a slight +thing to bar the way; but multiplied by millions and millions, and +desperately defended as divine and infallible by legions of zealots, it +constitutes a far more formidable barricade than the stoutest church +of stone. The various sects of Nonconformists, who all join with us +in attacking the State Church, will all join the Churchmen to maintain +against us their common fetish, the Bible. Regarding this as a human +production, there is much of it which we highly esteem; but regarded as +the word of God, it works far more evil than good, and the evil is ever +increasing while the good decreases; for the revelations of science grow +ever more clear, and men must more and more strain their consciences and +sophisticate their intellects in order to believe that they believe in +the super-human character of the book which reason and science show +to be so thoroughly human. We are told by men whom we respect that, +considered historically, Christianity and the other great religions +merit better treatment than we are wont to accord them. Certainly they +merit better treatment than is accorded them by those who crudely brand +them all alike, in all their doctrines and legends and ritual, as the +mere inventions of priestcraft fostered by kingcraft and statecraft. But +we are far from committing ourselves to such an impeachment, not less +monstrous than the most monstrous superstition it assails. We freely +recognise the naturalness of these religions in the past, their genuine +consonance with the communities wherein they arose and prevailed; the +sincerity and truth and nobleness formulated, however erroneously, in +many of their dogmas, embodied, however imperfectly, in many of their +myths; but we see that their day is gone by; we cannot allow the past, +which was the real childhood and youth of mankind, to dominate the +present, which is its riper age; we discern that the errors of the +dogmas and the fiction of the myths are now so obvious and incontestable +that to revere them as faultless and authentic is a gross self-delusion. +When we say—“The tree is dead; cut it down, why cumbereth it the +ground?” we do not imply that it never bore good fruit. On the other +hand, when we admit that it once bore good fruit, we do not imply that +it is not now dead and an encumbrance to the ground. It is precisely +because we do consider these old faiths historically, because we fully +recognise their early efficiency and vigor, that we can thoroughly +realise their decrepitude and dissolution. And taking western +Christianity in particular, both the Roman embodied in Mary and the +Protestant embodied in Jesus, we affirm that it has no longer real life, +but only the “ghastly affectation of life.” Reason and science have +disembowelled it, have removed its heart and its brain. It is ready for +the historical embalmer. Its great part in the drama of human life is +played out; it is still kept above ground, its life still asserted, +because large numbers would lose much by the frank acknowledgement of +its decease, and other large numbers who cannot bring themselves to +face the fact of its death, persist in hoping against hope that the +lifelessness is hut a swoon or a cataleptic fit, from which it will yet +awaken with renewed strength. We, however, dare to see what we cannot +help seeing, we venture to avow the fact which is beyond fair dispute. +Doubtless the living man did brave work in his time; but shall +we therefore bow down worshipping his mummy, and keep it from its +sepulchre, and continue to allot immense revenues to his army of +servitors who have now no service to render? No; the sooner we bury the +corpse and send the servitors about their business the better for us and +for them. + +Thus far I think all Secularists will go with me. But for many, perhaps +the majority of us, who are not only Secularists, but Republicans, there +is a third great obstacle, the Throne, which is now little else than a +costly sham. Yet, sham as it is, it is still strong to obstruct, being +encompassed and fortified by the power of the nobles, the power of +the clergy, the power of the wealthy, the degraded and degrading +snobbishness of the middle and lower middle classes. The artisans and +laborers generally, as we know, care nothing for it or are distinctly +hostile. We have had some great monarchs, though the greatest we ever +had was crown-less, and we can yield to monarchy in the past something +of such historical respect as we yield to Christianity. But who that is +not a very serf by nature can feel any genuine respect for monarchy as +we have it in these days? when the main duty of the King or Queen is to +countersign the decrees of Parliament; a duty which the Lord Chancellor +or the Speaker could perform just as well and with more promptitude. One +need not dwell on the character of the reigning house, which, brought +ignobly to the throne, has been consistently ignoble from the first +until the accession of her present Most Gracious Majesty. A much nobler +royal family would be just as superfluous now as the present we have +outgrown the need of a paternal or guardian king. Nor is the question +of principle really affected by the fact that this ignoble family, like +other species of the lower animals, is excessively prolific, and that +every prince or princess born of it, costs us several thousands a year. +We should not grudge the money for service rendered; the gravamen of +our impeachment is that no monarch now can render service of value. The +effective energy of our monarchy in these days is well symbolised in the +procedure at the opening of Parliament—royal carriages without royal +occupants; royal life-guards with no royal life to guard; a royal robe +spread on a vacant throne; the Lord Chancellor reading a royal speech +composed by responsible ministers. Her Majesty during fourteen long +years has been doing her best to teach us how well we can get on without +a monarch, and how stupid we are therefore to keep one at a great +expense. We may find something venerable in the throne when put aside +and conserved simply as a curious relic of the past; we find it merely +absurd while retained for useless use, a pretentious seat with no one +to sit in it. As Théophile says: “*Si rien nest plus beau que +l’antique, est plus laid que le suranné.*” + + +.. clearpage:: + +MR. KINGSLEY’S CONVERTITES +========================== + +(1865.) + +.. dropcap:: R Readers + +Readers can scarcely have forgotten the amusing “turn-up” between +the Rev. Mr. Kingsley and the Rev. Dr. Newman, in which the latter got +the former “into Chancery,” and punished him so pitilessly. While +reading the “Apologia pro Vitâ Sua,” one naturally reflected now +and then upon the opinions, as stated in the books, of Dr. Newman’s +antagonist; and the fight grew more and more comically exquisite as one +gradually learnt the thorough agreement at bottom of the two who were +struggling so fiercely at top. When I speak of Mr. Kingsley’s books, +I mean his novels and romances, all of which (except the one not yet +completely published) I have duly read and enjoyed. As for certain +collections of sermons, a dialogue for loose thinkers, a *jeu +d’esprit* on the Pentateuch, together with various trifles by way of +lectures on history and philosophy, I confess that none of these have +I ever even attempted to peruse. To palliate this sin of omission I can +only urge the high probability that a man of Mr. Kingsley’s character +must find much more vigorous and ample expression in a free and easy +novel than in any didactic or argumentative treatise, with its wearisome +requirements of consecutiveness and cramping limitations of logic. I now +ask the leaders of the *National Reformer* to accompany me in a general +review of his romances, because I think that such a review will develop +two or three facts seldom noticed in the critiques—whether friendly +or adverse—that abound upon his writings. Especially, I think that it +will be found that the popular phrases, “Muscular Christianity” and +“Broad Church,” by no means sufficiently characterise his religious +tendency; and that, with all the superficial unlikeness, almost +amounting to perfect contrast between him and Dr. Newman, the opponents +as religious men are fundamentally alike in this—that their respective +creeds satisfy, or appear to satisfy, in the same manner the same +peculiarly intense want in their several natures. + +In every one of Mr. Kingsley’s romances there is a chief personage, +more or less naturally good but decidedly godless at the beginning, +god-fearing and saintly at the end. Some of the romances have each two +or three of these convertites, the throes of whose regeneration are the +principal “motives” of the most striking scenes, and may be thus +fairly said to furnish the plot and passion of the book. My present +object is not aesthetic, and I therefore need not argue the question +whether narratives thus constructed can have any claim to rank as +genuine works of art. With the melancholy Jaques in “As You Like +It,” I believe:: + + Out of these Convertites + There is much matter to be heard and learned— + +so will stay “to see no pastime, I,” but run through the stories of +these conversions, touching only the most salient points. + +Alton Locke, when adolescent, is a very poor tailor, a poet whose verses +are far more vigorous than his character, a chartist, a sceptic. He +madly falls in love with a Dean’s daughter, and through the patronage of +the Dean himself, gets a volume of poems published. As the fiercest of +the rhymes have been soothed out of this volume by the decorous +Dean, Radical friends forward to young Locke a pair of +plush-breeches—fitting testimonial to the flunkeyism conspicuous in +the omissions. He is imprisoned for inciting a rustic mob to a Chartist +outbreak, confounds the prison chaplain by sporting the latest novelties +in heresy direct from Germany, shares when released in the delirium of +the memorable tenth of April, finds that the lady of his love is to be +married to his cousin, and consummates the long orgy of excitement with +a desperate fever. The Dean had directed his attention to the study of +natural history; hence the frenzy of the fever takes a zoological turn, +and he undergoes therein marvellous transmigrations through a series +of antediluvian monsters; awaking at last to sane consciousness (*sane +comparatively, he is never quite in his right senses, poor fellow*) to +find himself nursed by a young widow, the dean’s elder daughter, who +soothes him with ladings from Tennyson. She has very recently lost +her husband, who was merely a brilliant nobleman, and she herself a +Convertite; in a few days the modest Alton is hinting at a declaration +to her. She will not marry him, nor indeed any other man, but she sends +him out to South America on a special poetical mission. On the voyage +thither he dies, a believer, regenerate, leaving as legacy to his +friends and the world at large a war-song of the Church (ferociously) +Militant. What has converted him?—the plush breeches? the crash of +the tenth of April? the loss of his first lady love? the reading of the +“Lotus-eaters?” the delirious Fugue of Fossils? Some or all of these +it must be supposed; for weak though he was, he surely could not +have been seriously influenced by the comical caricatures of Socratic +dialectics, which the Dean sometimes played with him in lieu of chess or +backgammon. + +Next comes Yeast, whose great Convertite is Lancelot Smith. He is +introduced to us as fresh from Cambridge, a stalwart gallant fellow of +great abilities, rather debauched, but discontented with his debauchery, +and utterly without fixed creed. An accident confines him long to the +house of the Squire whom he is visiting. During his convalescence he +becomes a lover of one of the Squire’s daughters—a young lady +whose vernacular name is Argemone, and who is herself rapidly growing +a perfect saint. He also becomes the friend of a gamekeeper who +reads Carlyle, writes poetry, and has experienced special religious +illumination. Lancelot then loses all his fortune by the failure of his +uncle’s bank, and loses his sweetheart by the sulphuretted-hydrogen +fever; turns street-porter for the nonce to earn a bit of bread, and +finally goes off one knows not whither; an excellent fervid Christian, +after playing through several bewildering pages a wild burlesque of the +Platonic dialogue with a personage so mysterious that I prefer not to +attempt a description of him. What has converted Lancelot? The loss of +his money and the death of his sweetheart seem to have been the main +influences. For although he was stunned with calamity, I will not +deem him so stupefied as to think that he was made a believer by the +unintelligible dialogue. + +Then follows Hypatia. And here I may remark that I am unable to concur +in what seems the general opinion—namely, that Mr. Kingsley intended +his heroine to represent the character of the Hypatia of history. +Although living in the same city at the same period, both lecturing on +philosophy, and both ultimately murdered by Christian mobs; it appears +to me that, as women, the two Hypatias differed so much from each other +that no one having heard them talk for five minutes could have the +slightest doubt as to which was which. History and Mr. Kingsley have +each composed an acrostic on this lovely name, and with the same *bouts +rimes*; but the body (and the spirit) of the one poem is extremely +unlike the body (and the spirit) of the other. Mr. Kingsley proffers +us an ancient cup and a flask, Greek-lettered “Wine of Cyprus”; we +commence to drink solemnly and devoutly, but—O most miserable mockery! +it is indubitable brandy and water. Well may he call this an old foe +with a new face! The Kingsley Hypatia is not altogether, but is very +nearly a Convertite; so nearly that he would certainly have made her +altogether one, had not the *bouts rime’s* been too well known for +alteration. Her best pupil (of whom more anon) abandons her, she begins +to love a beautiful young Greek monk, and yet (that philosophy may have +the help of worldly power in its mortal duel with Christianity) consents +to marry the Prefect of Alexandria, whom she very justly despises. While +miserable with the consciousness of how low she is stooping to conquer, +she is fascinated or mesmerised by an old Jewish hag, and crouches in +a sort of fetish worship to what she thinks a statue of Apollo, said +statue being represented by the handsome monk. In the agony of shame +which follows her discovery of this cheat she performs a short parody of +the Socratic dialogue in concert with the pupil who had left her and who +has returned a Christian, and at last, when going to the lecture hall +(where murder shall prevent her from ever lecturing more) she +confesses to a certain longing for Christianity. Why? She was wretched, +humiliated, defeated, weary; she had staked all on the red, and had +lost—what more natural than a yearning to try the black? And this +character is published and generally received for the Hypatia of +history! + +But the great Convertite of this romance is the pupil already mentioned, +the renegade Jew, Raphael Ben Ezra. In the prime of life, wealthy, the +favorite comrade of the Prefect, superlatively gifted with that subtle +Hebrew clearness, which, swayed by a strong will and intense self-love, +can scarcely be distinguished from genius, we find him in the opening +chapters already as used up as the old King Solomon of Ecclesiastes, +having exhausted all excitements of wine, women, and philosophy, all +voluptuousness, physical and intellectual. Desperate with *ennui*, he +abandons Hypatia, casts away his wealth (how many Jews do the same!), +barters clothes with a beggar, and sets out to wander the world with an +amiable British bull-bitch (afterwards the happy mother of nine sweet +infants) for his sole guide, philosopher and friend. The chapter wherein +his Pyrrhonism disported itself “on the floor of the bottomless” +seems to have been, in great measure, borrowed from the talk of one +Babbalanja in Herman Melville’s “Mardi;” perhaps, however, both +were borrowed direct from Jean Paul’s gigantic grotesque, “Titan.” +Becoming involved in the meshes of the great war in Africa—that revolt +of Heraclian against Honorius which Gibbon treats with such contemptuous +brevity in his thirty-first chapter—he is nearly killed himself, saves +an old officer from death and soon falls in love with this officer’s +daughter. He reads about this time certain epistles, and infers +therefrom that Saul of Tarsus was one of the finest gentlemen that ever +lived. Also, while the guest of good Bishop Synesius, he hears Saint +Augustine preach, and engages with him in long discussions, fortunately +unreported. Returning to Alexandria, he almost converts Hypatia, sees +her murdered, sharpens his tongue on Cyril the primate, and leaves +again to marry his saintly sweetheart, and end his lire as quite a model +Christian. What has converted him? His love for the young Christian? +the gentlemanly character of Paul’s Epistles? the bull-bitch with her +ninefold litter, like Shakespere’s nightmare? the murder of Hypatia +by the Christians, who rent, and tore and shred her living body to +fragments? Or was it mere satiety and weariness of thinking—the +weariness which leads so many who thought freely when young to find a +resting-place in the bosom of the Church as they get old? + +In “Westward, Ho!” the great conversion is of Ayacanorah. But as +this is a conversion not merely religious but also moral, social and +intellectual, a conversion from barbarism to civilisation, it does +not come fairly into the class I am describing. Two incidents in the +romance, however, must not be passed over. The first occurs in the +Lotus-eating chapter. Will Para-combe tired, as well he may be, of +wandering about savage America in search of El Dorado, blindly refuses +to see that it is his chief end as man to continue wandering until El +Dorado is found and the captain has glutted his heart with vengeance on +the Spaniards; and Will gives such excellent reasons for staying in the +beautiful spot where he is, with the beautiful and affectionate native +woman whom he is willing and anxious to marry in the most legal mode +attainable, that Captain Amyas Leigh, who has been urging him onward +with true Kingsleyan diffidence and mildness, finds himself dumbfounded. +But valuable logical assistance is at hand. A jaguar like a bar of iron +plunges on poor Will, and he and his arguments are settled on the spot. +Amyas thanks God for this special interposition of providence in his +favor. And the man who wrote the adventure of Amyas can sneer at +the faith of a Catholic like Dr. Newman! The other incident is the +conversion of Amyas from his diabolical hatred of the Spaniards in +general, and of the Don with whom Rose had eloped in particular. A +lightning-flash strikes him blind, and he thereupon repents him of his +hatred and desire of revenge, and, moreover, has a vision of the Don +drowned with his sunken galleon, who assures him that his hatred was +without just cause. These are the true Kingsleyan dialectics; these, +and not those burlesques of what Plato wrote and Socrates spoke, and Mr. +Kingsley is no more able to conduct than I am to lead on the violin like +Herr Joachim, a great concerted composition of Beethoven. Let a jaguar +loose into your opponent’s syllogistic premises, blind him with a +lightning-flash that he may see the truth and have clear vision of the +right way. Yet Mr. Kingsley has undoubtedly read about a tower in Siloam +that fell, and what Joshua Bar-Joseph said of the people killed by this +accident. + +Lastly, we have “Two Years Ago,” whose great Convertite is Tom +Thumal. Tom is one of the jolliest of characters, true as steel, tough +as oak, quick and deft for all emergencies, a compact mass of common +sense, and courage, and energy, living in the most godless state, He is +not a heathen—he is more godless yet; for a heathen has something of +wood or stone which serves him for a deity. In the Saga of Saint Olaf +(in that great and glorious work “The Heims-kringla”) we read how +this pious and terrible king going to his last battle was asked by two +brothers, who were freebooters, for permission to fight in his ranks. +But although these and their followers were “tall” men, and the king +was in sore need of recruits, he would not accept their services unless +they believed in Christ. Whereupon they answered that they saw no +special need of the help of the “White Christ”; that they had been +hitherto wont to believe in themselves and their own luck, and with this +belief had managed to pull through very well, and thought they could do +the same for the future. Ultimately, these excellent fellows did consent +to be baptised and called Christians—not from any religious motive, +alas! but only because of a “shtrong wakeness” they had for taking +part in a set battle. Tom Thurnal has just as much, and as little, +religion as these had. After wandering all over the world in all sorts +of capacities, he comes back to be shipwrecked on the Cornish coast, and +is the only one on board saved. While he is being dragged up the beach +senseless, his belt of money—the fruit of a season at the Australian +diggings—disappears; and he resolves to settle in the village, in +order to discover it or the thief. Here he falls in love with the +village schoolmistress, a sweet mystical devotee, whom he rather +suspects of stealing his gold, and whom he defends from one ruffian in +order to grossly insult her himself. In the village Tom is doctor, and, +when the cholera comes, he is assisted in bringing the village through +it by this saintly schoolmistress, and a pious Major, and a fervid High +Church parson. At the breaking out of the Crimean War, Tom gets charged +with a secret mission to the East. Somewhere in Turkey, in Asia, an +imbecile Sheikh or Pasha whom he is endeavoring to serve, mistakes his +manœuvres, and keeps him in captivity for a year or two. From this +imprisonment he comes home crushed and abject, “afraid in passing +a house that it would fall and smother him,” etc., marries his +sweetheart and ends a model Christian. What has converted him? Simply, +it appears, the year or two of solitary confinement—which took all the +pith and manhood out of him. This last case, the work of Mr. Kingsley in +the full maturity of his powers, is the most flagrant of all. + +If I have not summed up these cases fairly, the novels and romances in +question are in everybody’s hands to convict me of the unfairness. I +have simply sketched the leading points as they remain in my memory, +not referring to the books again to pick out what would best serve my +purpose. It is not my fault if the personages, who looked so great and +grandiose in the flowing and ample draperies of romance, do not strip +well for anatomy. + +Now, what is common to all these cases of conversion? This: that the +characters become religious, not when healthy, but when diseased; the +religion in every case is exhibited as a drug for the sick, not as +wholesome food for the healthy. While you are sane, well and hearty, +doing your work in the world deftly, sound in mind, and wind, and limb, +and fairly prosperous, you have no need of this religion—you can get +through the world very well without it. But when your fortune is lost, +your sweetheart dead or married to another, your courage cowed, your +heart broken, your mind diseased, your self-respect humiliated, then +you long for and embrace Christianity (or whatever religion is dominant +around you): it is a soft pillow for the aching head, a tender couch +for the bruised body, a flattering nurse for the desolate invalid. I can +scarcely add that it is a medicine for the sickness, for its medicinal +virtues are hardly shown; but it is, at any rate, as we read of its +effects in these books, a narcotic and an anodyne for restlessness and +pain. It is a religion to die with, not to live with. All these things, +so soothing and beneficial to the invalid, are nauseous and noxious to +the healthy. + +A man could no more live vigorous life on such religion than he +could live vigorous life couched tenderly, pillowed softly, nursed +assiduously, and drugged with narcotics and anodyne all the days of his +life. + +Is the religious world willing to accept this view of religion? It would +seem so by the remarkable popularity of these books. This view may be +correct or incorrect, wise or foolish; at any rate, it is strangely at +variance with the view commonly ascribed to “Muscular Christians,” +and strangely identical with that which Dr. Newman explicitly avows in +the most eloquent pages of his “Apologia.” People generally consider +“Muscular Christianity” as a clever and cheerful improvement on the +old solemn ascetic Christianity, as a doctrine which fully recognises +the goodness of the common world and common worldly life, as a liberal +cultus which does not sacrifice body to soul any more than soul to body, +but is at once gymnastic and spiritualistic in its “exercises”; a +vague notion is abroad that, whereas the early religion of Christ and +his apostles was of sorrow and suffering, this, its latest development, +is a religion of happiness and health; in short, it is believed that +“Muscular Christianity” has added the Gospel(1) of the body and this +life to the primitive Gospel of the soul and the next life: and yet the +most popular and vigorous writer of this new school, after exhausting a +very fertile imagination in the suggestion of methods and modes by which +godless sinners may be converted to godliness, has absolutely found no +other process effectual than this of showering upon them misfortunes, +humiliations, afflictions, calamities (such as do not in real life fall +upon one human being in a thousand, and working results such as they +would not work in one real human being out of ten thousand); until +health and hope, self-respect and the capacity for sane joy are +altogether destroyed in them, the manhood and womanhood overwhelmed and +crushed out of them; after which he brings in these miserable wrecks and +relics of what were once men and women as all that he can contribute to +the extension of the Church, which ought to be the cheerful congregation +of wholesome men and women throughout the world, the richest flower and +ripest fruit of humanity. If the Church of the future is to be composed +of creatures like Mr. Kingsley’s Convertites, Westminster Abbey must +be turned into a Grand Chartreuse, and St. Paul’s into an Hospital for +Incurables, and the metropolitan Cathedral of England must be Bedlam. + + 1. The Gospel of the body and this life has been powerfully + preached in the most explicit terms on the Continent. In + England we have been too prudish to advocate it so clearly, + although it is, of course, essential to the most enlightened + Positivism and Secularism. That much-abused book the + “Elements of Social Science” preaches it with more + thoroughness, knowledge and ability than any other English + work I have met with. I do not pretend to be wise enough to + judge this book, and so far as I can judge it, I differ from + it in many respects; but on the broad question of the spirit + in which it is written, I do not fear to assert that no + honest and intelligent man can find pruriency and impurity + in it, without he brings the pruriency and impurity in his + own heart and mind to the study of it. I can understand + ascetic Christians abhorring it, I can understand timid + Freethinkers being frightened by it because they are timid; + but I cannot understand men who claim to be bold and honest + Freethinkers avoiding it as an unholy thing merely because + of the subjects it treats, without reference to the mode of + treatment, and without sympathy for the admirable motives + which manifestly incited the author. He may well say with + the most brilliant and daring of all who have preached this + Gospel of the body in our age (this Gospel which is so + sorely needed to complement and modify the exclusive Gospel + of the soul—this Gospel which Plato preached along with the + other, while Jesus preached the other only), he may well say + with Heine + +:: + + Doch die Castraten Klagten, + Aïs ich meine Stimm’ erhob; + Sie Klagten und sie sagten; + Ich sange veil zu grob. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE PRIMATE ON THE CHURCH AND THE WORLD +======================================= + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The Archbishop of Canterbury is making his second quadrennial visitation +to his diocese, and delivering an elaborate Charge to the clergy, in +seven instalments. Of these the first two are reported at considerable +length in the *Times* of the 27th and 28th inst., a couple of columns +of small print being given to each. The *Times* has moreover generously +vouchsafed a leading article of encouragement and approval on each; and +surely the State Church ought to be proud of such lofty patronage, and +Lambeth Palace ought to be very grateful to Printing House Square. +The *Daily News* could only spare half a column for the first; and +the *Daily Telegraph*, whose exuberant Christianity, hot and strong +as boiling rancid oil, amazes the world on every great festival of +the Church, showed its estimate of the importance of our Primate’s +manifesto by allotting to it eight or nine lines of small print at the +foot of a column—a pickpocket in a police-court gets as much notice. + +Let us glance down the *Times*’ reports, pausing at anything worth a +note if not by its intrinsic value yet on account of the position of the +speaker:— + +“I wish to set before you some thoughts as to the particular duties, +which at this time devolve upon the Established Church as the National +Church of this country. In the days in which we live some even hesitate +to assign to us the position of a National Church. A National Church is +a national protest for God and for Christ, for goodness and for truth; +and if we of this National Church are not making this national protest, +no one else certainly makes one. No other body in this country can claim +that commanding influence over the thought of the age, which by God’s +blessing is assigned to us. No other religious body in the country has +either that connection with the State, or if that be thought a small +matter, that power of influencing the whole nation which, thank God, is +still reserved to us.” + +It will be noticed that the Archbishop in his definition of a National +Church has humbly copied the unorthodox Matthew Arnold, who in +his address to London clergymen at Sion College, (reviewed in the +*Secularist* of April 8) declared with an exquisitely humorous gravity +that he regarded the Church of England as *a great national society for +the promotion of goodness!* But the Archbishop is really too loose +in his imitation of this charitable definition bestowed by a man of +letters. He says: “A National Church is a national protest for God +and for Christ;” according to which, Mohammedanism, Brahmanism, and +Buddhism, as the national churches of several countries, are so many +national protests for God and Christ. We do not expect a mere Primate in +these days to write with the precision of an accomplished literary man, +but we do think that he ought to be somewhat less inaccurate than +this. However, it is to the last two sentences quoted that I would +particularly call attention. The Church of England has a commanding +influence over the thought of the age! It has the power of influencing +the whole nation! Here be truly astonishing announcements. The thought +of the age in our country is embodied in such persons as Spencer and +Darwin, Huxley and Tyndall, Carlyle and Browning, George Eliot and +George Meredith; and what a commanding influence the State Church has +over these! As for its influence over the whole nation, is it not the +fact that a large portion of the educated classes, and the great bulk 01 +the artisans, are either sceptical or indifferent, and that more than a +half of the shopkeepers are Nonconformists bent on Disestablishment and +Disendowment? The Archbishop has made a most unlucky start. + +Passing over some commonplace and common-sense remarks on the duties of +the clergy, we come to the following:— + +“This is an age in which there is a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout the nation. It is a time when, more than any other, +serious and earnest learning is required to meet the wants of those +among whom we live. Let us be thankful that the arrangements of +cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course, and cause their light to be seen throughout the land, guiding +the thought of those who are in need of guidance in this anxious age.” + +Admitting the truth of the opening sentences we may add that in every +age since the supremacy of the Church was first shaken by the invention +of printing, the recovery of the Greek and Latin classics, and the +revival of science, there has been a great deal of uneasy thought +seething throughout this nation and every other nation in Christendom, +and that age by age this seething has scalded more and more pitilessly +the dogmas, the Scriptures, and the authority of the Church, whose +Hebrew old clothes, as Carlyle fitly calls them, must soon be literally +boiled to rags. We may also freely admit that the arrangements of +Cathedral bodies do provide quiet places where men may follow a studious +course; but we ask, how many of them really pursue it? How many of +them cause their light to shine throughout the land? How many guide the +thought of those who need guidance in this anxious age? Is it not as +notorious as it is disgraceful to the Church, that, with few exceptions, +the canons and other dignitaries make scarcely any contribution to the +thought, or scholarship, or science of the age, in return for the large +leisure and ample stipends with which they are endowed? These stalled +canons may ruminate much, even like stalled oxen, but what nourishment +do we get from the rumination of the former? Look through lists of +standard works, of really important works, published during the last +quarter of a century, and see how few of them, even in theology and +kindred departments, have come from the “learned leasure” of our +rich cathedrals. + +If there is one thing more closely connected than any other with true +religion, that thing is money. Always the most spiritual exhortations +and speculations end in very practical appeals to the pockets—of +course the pockets of the laity. We are reminded what Paul Louis Courier +said of the clergy in his day: “They have need of good examples and +will find them amongst us. But if we are stronger than they as to the +commandments of God, they in their turn have the advantage of us in +respect to the commandments of the Church, which they remember better +than we, and of which the principal is, I believe, to give all we have +for heaven. ‘You ask me,’ said that worthy preacher Barlette, ‘how +to get to Paradise? The bells of the convent tell you: Giving, giving, +giving,’ The Latin of the monk is charming: “Vos quœritis a me, +fratres carissimi, quomodo itur ad paradisupi? Hoc dicunt vobis campance +monasterii, dando, dando, dando” Very early in his discourse does our +Primate ring this favorite chime of all church bells, but with a noble +disinterestedness, a magnanimous depreciation:— + +“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money which of late years +have been poured into the treasury of the Established Church for the +re-edification of our buildings; we may think lightly even of the vast +sums which have been contributed by the members of our Church for the +instruction of our poorer brethren, thinking that, after all, it is not +the silver and the gold, but the precious doctrine of the Lord Jesus +Christ, and the purity and holiness which attend the true profession of +that doctrine on which we have to rest our claims. But still even the +outward signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be +despised.” + +“We may think lightly of the vast sums of money!” we, the archbishop +with £15,000 a year and a palace rent-free, and the members of the +Cathedral body of Canterbury each with our several hundreds a year +and our snug residences! Very lightly, no doubt! But “still even the +outward signs of the influence which God has given us are not to be +despised.” How unworldly, how humble, is our right reverend father in +God; it is a pity that his voice here has such a twang of Pecksniff and +Uriah Heap. I really believe that he is too much of a gentleman to speak +in this tone with his natural voice; it is that fatal falsetto of the +pulpit. Well, in sober truth, these Churchmen had better not despise +the outward signs of their influence, for there is an abundant lack of +inward ones. And discreetly do they boast of the re-edification of their +buildings, for edification or re-edification of their congregations, +alas, there is little or none whereof to boast. Having rang this +preliminary diffident chime of Dando dando, dando, the Archbishop revels +in riotous peals to the same words before concluding:— + +“Depend upon it a country that produces in a short time £30,000,000 +[sic in *Times; Daily News*, ‘three millions’] to restore the +outward fabric of our churches, will not fail to respond to any +appeal when made for the funds which may be wanted to assist those who +otherwise cannot provide themselves with a due education that they may +be fitted for the ministry. Another matter which I think presses upon +us is this. Is it not desirable something should be done to provide the +means of passing their last days in comfort, for those worn out in the +service of Christ? Here again I feel confident that an appeal to the +wealthy of this country would be answered at once if those who have +the leisure—none more fit than the dignitaries of our cathedral +churches—were to take up this question, and to our existing charities +might well be added some means of supplementing the resources and +meeting the wants of the poorer clergy. I visited yesterday the Clergy +Orphan School. I was informed that that school was perfectly full—more +full than it had ever been before—and still there were twice as many +applicants for admission as there were places to admit them to. Does not +this show it is very desirable we should all of us direct our efforts to +see that the charity of our fellow-Churchmen should be appealed to, to +assist in the education of the orphan children of our clergy, and not +only the orphan children?” + +Our fellow Christians, the laymen, having laid for us three million +golden eggs in a short time (the lavish geese!) will not fail to give us +more to educate young men for the ministry; and more yet to pension our +worn-out clergy; and more yet again to educate the children, orphan and +not orphan, of our clergy. We archbishop and bishops, dean and chapter, +are so poor, so poor, so very very poor, that we can do nothing at all +for any of these miserable clerical critters; the whole revenues of +our State Church are so insignificant that they are quite inadequate +to provide decently for its ministers! But we know well that our dear, +good, stupid, unedified lay brethren and sisters will give all the +out-door relief we have the impudence to ask; will educate our young and +pension our old; marching ever briskly heavenwards to that cheerfulest +church chime: Giving, giving, giving; Dando, dando, dando! Does not our +Archbishop rival or outrival that worthy preaching monk, Barlette? +Here I must pause, but shall have to return again to the Charge, which +threatens to be a heavy charge indeed to the purses of the richer and +more foolish members of our impoverished State Church. + + +.. clearpage:: + +SPIRITISM IN THE POLICE COURT +============================= + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: W We + +We have just had a couple of professional “mediums” in the police +courts, and it is to be heartily hoped that all their colleagues of any +notoriety will soon be submitted to the same searching test, and duly +rewarded according to their merits. At Huddersfield the Rev. Francis +Ward Monck, formerly a minister at Bristol, was cleverly caught out by +Mr. Lodge, a woollen merchant and amateur conjurer, who at the close +of a private seance offered to do all the “Doctor” had done, and +insisted on seeing his “paraphernalia.” The Doctor protested with +profuse virtuous indignation, but his detecter was firm. At length this +reverend medium took refuge in his own bedroom and locked himself in, +and while the profane sceptics were besieging the door he managed to +escape from the window by the help of a sheet. In his sore haste he left +behind him some of the “paraphernalia,” whose existence he had so +indignantly denied, including “spirit hands” and prepared musical +boxes. He took out a warrant against Mr. Lodge for the recovery of these +precious articles, and was met by a counter-warrant issued by the +chief constable under the Vagrant Act, for using subtle craft means and +devices to deceive and impose on certain of her Majesty’s subjects; +he being charged with thus defrauding one person of £20, while Mr. +Heppleston, a general dealer, in whose house the exposure took place, +had paid him £4 for two séances, the prisoner assuring him that the +manifestations were genuine, and were produced by spiritual agency. +The prisoner’s solicitor said that the Vagrant Act did not apply to a +gentleman in the position of Dr. Monck, who kept his carriage and yacht +at Bristol. We may admit that the application of the Vagrant Act is an +awkward and round-about mode of dealing with such cases, and the sooner +Parliament in its great wisdom provides a more direct and effectual +remedy, the better; nor could a stronger argument for its provisions be +adduced than the fact, if fact it be, that this reverend medium by the +illicit production of spirits very much below proof, has been getting +money enough to keep a carriage and yacht. When the Huddersfield +magistrates remanded him for a week at the request of the chief +constable, offering to accept bail, himself in £250, and two sureties +in £100 each, the bail was not forthcoming; and the prisoner made a +high-minded and pathetic appeal to the bench, “asking them not to make +him suffer the indignity of incarceration in the police-cells; he said +he had forsaken everything to follow this calling, believing in his +inmost soul that it was right.” So far as I can see, a convicted +burglar or manufacturer of counterfeit coin, might with as good reason +make just such an appeal; pleading pathetically that he had forsaken +everything to follow this calling, affirming nobly that he believed +in his inmost soul that it was right; while as to the jemmy and the +skeleton keys, or the moulds and the battery, which had been seized in +his possession, they were manifestly for purely scientific experimental +investigations—exactly as were the spirit-hands affixed to wires and +the musical boxes of the Rev. “Doctor” Monck. + +The London case of “Doctor” Slade, is too well known to require +being detailed here. As his fee was a sovereign, well-off people having +much time to kill with any excitement, and empty heads to fill with +any nonsense (much the same sort of silly people as those for whom some +West-end High Church is the half-way house to the Pro-Cathedral), must +have been his most numerous visitors. Thus Society with a capital S took +great interest in him, and our penny daily press, always ready to pander +to Society, and to the snobbery of its readers who are not in Society +but ever on their knees worshipping it—our penny daily press furnished +full reports of the proceedings. Mr. Flowers, the magistrate at Bow +Street Police Court gave a written judgment on the case, sentencing +the “Doctor” to three months’ imprisonment with hard labor in the +House of Correction; which sentence to the credit of our common sense, +sadly discredited by much that came out on the trial, was received with +some applause, and Mr. Lewis the prosecuting solicitor was cheered by a +large crowd on leaving the court. Of course, there being money to back +the “medium,” notice of appeal was given, and bail accepted—the +defendant in £200, and two sureties of £100 each. + +In the course of the defence there was read from the *Spiritualist* an +account of a sitting with Slade by Mr. Serjeant Cox, who, as Mr. Flowers +observed, would, if an appeal were raised, be one of the judges of that +appeal. The said account, after relating various wonders, concludes +thus: “I offer no opinion on the causes of the phenomena, for I have +formed none. If they be genuine, it is impossible to exaggerate their +interest and importance. If they be an imposture it is equally important +that the trick should be exposed in the only way in which trickery can +be explained—by doing the same thing, and showing how it is done.” +Now this, at any rate, seems to show judicial fairness if not judicial +sagacity; and is beyond blame, as having been written before the learned +Serjeant (unless warned by the spirits) could have had any expectation +of being called upon to deliver a legal judgment on the matter. But +after Mr. Flowers had passed sentence, and the appeal had been raised, +this same Serjeant Cox, having become a prospective judge of the case, +opened the third session of the Psychological Society of Great Britain, +whereof he is president, and which, under such a president, will +doubtless do a vast deal for the science of psychology. According to the +report of the *Standard* of Friday the 3rd inst., much of the address of +this admirable judge and philosophical president “was an indictment +of materialist scientists for their attitude towards psycho-logy, and on +this point he said the most important event of the year in relation to +psychology had been the recent prosecution. Of the true motive for that +proceeding there could be no doubt. The pretence of public interests +was transparent.” To a mere layman the words of this judicial Serjeant +read very much like a reckless libel. Perhaps only a lawyer can properly +appreciate them. “The object really sought was plain enough. It was +not to punish Dr. Slade, but to discredit through him all psychological +phenomena, the proof of whose existence was destruction to the doctrines +of materialism.... Whether Dr. Slade was or was not guilty, the trial +had had the unlooked-for effect [!] of directing the attention of the +whole public to the fact that phenomena were asserted to exist... which +swept away now and for ever *the dark and debasing doctrines of the +materialists*.” After which, according to the same report, a Mr. +Dunlop, with admirable gravity, whether sincere or ironical, expressed +a high opinion of the judicial mind of the president! and said that he +felt sure that if the appeal in the Slade case came before Mr. Serjeant +Cox, he would give as dispassionate a decision as if he had had +no previous knowledge of the circumstances!! For myself, as a mere +unlearned layman, I can only ask in astonishment, Is this Serjeant Cox, +with his indecent partizanship and wild personal imputations, fit to sit +in judgment—I will not say on this Slade business—but on any case at +all which requires impartiality and discretion? + +“The dark and debasing doctrines of the materialists”! Can anything +be darker and more debasing in a so-called civilised time and country +than this Spiritism has proved itself from the beginning until bow? I +have yet to learn that the whole of its world of spirits, now for +many years at the beck and call of countless mediums, professional and +private, has ever dictated or written a single great sentence, revealed +a single great truth—discovered a single important fact. Nothing +but the dreamiest drivel, or delirium, the most wretched and imbecile +juggling tricks, with all sorts of evasions, and deceptions and lies! +Mr. Wallace himself, one of the few good men it has got hold of by some +weak place in their minds, in his evidence for Slade said “that he +attached no importance to the subject-matter of a message, but only to +its being written intelligibly, the subject-matter seldom being of any +value.” And for seldom he might fairly have said never. The truth is +the truth, whether dark or bright, debasing or ennobling; but if we are +called upon to consider a theory in these aspects, what, I ask again, +can be more dark and debasing than this, that we live after death to rap +and turn tables, play villainous snatches on light musical instruments, +write badly-spelt balderdash, dictate ungrammatical imbecilities or +lies, grasp hands and jog knees—all for the profit of showmen and the +hysterical wonder of fools? Who would not prefer annihilation to such +a degraded and idiotic immortality? Shakespeare, Bacon, Byron, Shelley, +and countless others who on earth were splendid geniuses, have been +called from their spheres by knaves or dupes, for what?—to show +themselves reduced to the hideous state of Swift’s Struldbrugs. The +only famous character I have heard of, not intellectually degraded +since death, was Bucephalus (see *Secularist*, number 40), who told +the company that he still took great interest in literary pursuits, +particularly in connection with education; Bucephalus, whose name +doubtless suggested an ancient philosopher to the shrewd medium, having +been the war-horse of Alexander the Great! + +We are compelled to accuse the religion which has been so long dominant +among us, of fostering the state of mind which welcomes these miserable +marvels instead of rejecting them with scorn. The Bible with its Witch +of Endor, its recognition of witchcraft, its magicians, its angels +releasing the Apostles, its doctrines of the supernatural, its abounding +miracles, has saturated the people with superstitiousness, whose evil +effects Science can but slowly counteract. And of those who have ceased +to submit themselves to the Bible, the larger number are still infected +with its non-natural spirit; having renounced one set of irrational +marvels, they yearn more or less consciously for another to replace it. +In this connection, the point on which Mr. Flower’s judgment turned is +very significant, and its significance is increased by the approval of +our most Christian press: “*I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature.*” This is exactly what Science demands. Carry out +honestly and thoroughly the application of this rule to the miracles +of the Bible, from the speaking serpent, to the birth, resurrection and +ascension of Jesus, and what sentence must be passed upon them? The Bow +Street Magistrate has given us a really excellent, concise, practical +maxim of rethought. When a Christian comes with his supernatural dogmas +and non-natural occurrences, one has but to answer on the judicial +authority of Mr. Flowers: “I must decide according to the well-known +course of nature.” + + +.. clearpage:: + +A COMMISSION OF INQUIRY ON ROYALTY +================================== + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The subjects for our solemn consideration are the seclusion of her Most +Gracious Majesty, and the complaints thereanent published in several +respectable journals. In order to investigate the matter thoroughly, we +constituted ourselves (the unknown number x) into a special Commission +of Inquiry. We are happy to state that the said Commission has concluded +its arduous labors, and now presents its report within a week of its +appointment; surely the most prompt and rapid of commissions. The cause +of this celerity we take to be the fact that the Commissioners were +unsalaried; we being unanimously of opinion that had we received good +pay for the inquiry throughout the period of our session, we could +have prolonged it with certain benefit, if not to the public yet to +ourselves, for a great number of years. If, therefore, you want a +Commission to do its work rapidly vote no money for it. And do not fear +that the most headlong haste in gathering evidence and composing the +report will diminish the value of such report; for when a Commission has +lasted for years or months it generally rises in a quite different state +of the subject matter from that in which it first sat, and the report +must be partly obsolete, partly a jumble of anachronisms. In brief, it +may be fairly affirmed as a general rule that no Commission of Inquiry +is of any value at all; the appointment of one being merely a dodge by +which people who don’t want to act on what they and everybody else see +quite well with their naked eyes, set a number of elderly gentlemen +to pore upon it with spectacles and magnifying glasses until dazed and +stupid with poring, in the hope that this process will last so long that +ere it is finished the public will have forgotten the matter altogether. +And now for the result of our inquiries on this subject, which is not +only immensely important, but is even sacred to our loyal hearts. + +A West-end tradesman complains bitterly that through the absence of the +Court from Buckingham Palace, and the diminished number and splendor of +royal pomps and entertainments, the “Season” is for him a very poor +season indeed. The Commissioners, find that the said tradesman (whose +knowledge seems-limited to a knowledge of his business, supposing he +knows that) is remarkably well off; and consider that West-end tradesmen +have no valid vested interest in Royalty and the Civil List, that at the +worst they do-a capital trade with the aristocracy and wealthy classes +(taking good care that the punctual and honest shall amply overpay their +losses by the unpunctual and dishonest); that if they are not satisfied +with the West-end, they had better try the East-end, and see how +that will suit them; and, in short, that this tradesman is not worth +listening to. + +Numerous fashionable and noble people (principally ladies) complain that +they have no Court to shine, in. The Commissioners think that they shine +a great deal too much already, and in the most wasteful manner, gathered +together by hundreds, light glittering on light; and that if they really +want to shine beneficially in a court there are very many very dark +courts in London where the light of their presence would be most +welcome. + +It is complained on behalf of their Royal Highnesses the Prince and +Princess of Wales that they have to perform many of the duties +of royalty without getting a share of the royal allowance. The +Commissioners think that if the necessary expenses of the heir to the +throne are really too heavy for his modest, income, and are increased by +the performance of royal duties, he had better send in yearly a bill to +his Mamma for expenses incurred on her account, and a duplicate of the +same to the Chancellor to the Exchequer; so that in every Budget the +amount of the Civil List shall be equitably divided between her Majesty +and her Majesty’s eldest son, doubtless to their common satisfaction. + +It is complained on behalf of various foreign royal or ruling personages +that while they in their homes treat generously the visiting members of +our royal family, they are treated very shabbily when visiting here. The +Commissioners think that Buckingham Palace, being seldom or never wanted +by the Queen, and very seldom wanted for the reception of the English +Court, should be at all times open for such royal or ruling visitors; +that a Lord Chamberlain, or other such noble domestic servant should be +detailed to attend on them, and see to their hospitable treatment in +all respects; and that to cover the expenditure on their account a fair +deduction should be made from her Majesty’s share of the Civil List, +which deduction, being equitable her Majesty would no doubt view with +extreme pleasure. + +It is complained on the part of her Majesty’s. Ministers, that +when they want the royal assent and signature to important Acts of +Parliament, they have to lose a day or two and undergo great fatigue +(which is peculiarly hard on men who are mostly aged, and all +overworked) in travelling to and from Osborne or Balmoral. The +Commissioners think the remedy plain and easy, as in the two preceding +cases. Let a law be passed assuming that absence, like silence, gives, +consent; so that whenever her Majesty is not in town, the Speaker of +the Commons or the Lord Chancellor, or other great officer of State, be +empowered to seal and sign in her name, and generally to perform any +of her real and royal duties, on the formal demand of the Ministry, who +always (and not the Queen) are responsible to Parliament and the country +for all public acts. + +A taxpayer complains that for fourteen years her Majesty has been +punctually drawing all moneys allotted to support the royal dignity, +while studiously abstaining from all, or nearly all, the hospitalities +and other expensive functions incident to the support of the said +dignity. The Commissioners consider that her Majesty is perchance +benefiting the country more (and may be well aware of the fact) by +taking her money for doing nothing than if she did something for it; +that if she didn’t take the said money, somebody else would (as for +instance, were she to abdicate, the Prince of Wales, become King, would +want and get at least as much); so that while our Government remains as +it is, the complaint of the said taxpayer is foolish. + +Another Taxpayer, who must be a most mean-minded fellow, a stranger to +all sacred sympathies and hallowed emotions, says: “If a washerwoman, +being stupified by the death of her husband, neglected her business +for more than a week or two, she would certainly lose her custom or +employment, and not all the sanctity of conjugal grief (about which +reverential journalists gush) would make people go on paying her for +doing nothing; and if this washerwoman had money enough of her own to +live on comfortably, people would call her shameless and miserly if +she asked for or accepted payment while doing nothing; and if this +washerwoman had a large family of boys and girls around her, and shut +herself up to brood upon her husband’s death for even three or +four months, people would reckon her mad with selfish misery. The +Commissioners (as soon as they recover from the stupefaction of horror +into which this blasphemy has thrown them) consider and reply that +there can be no proper comparison of a Queen and a washerwoman, and that +nobody would think of instituting one, except a brute, a Republican, an +Atheist, a Communist, a, fiend in human form; that anyhow if, as this +wretch says, a washerwoman would be paid for a week or two without +working, in consideration of her conjugal affliction, it is plain that +a Queen, who (it will be universally allowed) is at least a hundred +thousand times as good as a washerwoman, is therefore entitled to at +least a hundred thousand times the “week or two” of salary without +performance of duty—that is, to at least 1,923 or 3,846 years, whereas +this heartless and ribald reprobate himself only complains that our +beloved Sovereign has done nothing for her wage throughout “fourteen +years.” The Commissioners therefore eject this complainant with +ineffable scorn; and only wish they knew his name and address, that they +might denounce him for prosecution to the Attorney-General. + +A Malthusian (whatever kind of creature that may be) complains that her +Majesty has set an example of uncontrolled fecundity to the nation and +the royal family, which, besides being generally immoral, is likely, at +the modest estimate of £6,000 per annum per royal baby, to lead to the +utter ruin of the realm in a few generations. The Commissioners, after +profound and prolonged consideration, can only remark that they do not +understand the complaint any better than the name (which they do not +understand at all) of the “Malthusian;” that they have always been +led to believe that a large family is a great honor to a legitimately +united man and woman; and that, finally, they beg to refer the +Malthusian to the late Prince Consort. + +A devotedly loyal Royalist (who unfortunately does not give the name +and address of his curator) complains that her Majesty, by doing nothing +except receive her Civil List, is teaching the country that it can get +on quite as well without a monarch as with one, and might therefore just +as well, and indeed very much better, put the amount of the Civil List +into its own pocket and call itself a Republic. The Commissioners +remark that this person seems the most rational of the whole lot of +complainants (most rational, not for his loyalty, but most rational +as to the grounds of his complaint, from his own point of view; in +accordance with the dictum, “A madman reasons rightly from wrong +premises; a fool wrongly from right ones,”) and that his surmise is very +probably correct—namely, that her Majesty is really a Republican in +principle, but not liking (as is perfectly natural in her position) +to publicly profess and advocate opinions so opposed to the worldly +interests of all her friends and relatives, has been content to further +these opinions practically for fourteen years past by her conduct, +without saying a word on the subject. The Commissioners, however, find +one serious objection to this surmise in the fact that if her Majesty +is really a Republican at heart, she must wish to exclude the Prince +of Wales from the Throne; while it seems to them that the intimate +knowledge she must have of his wisdom and virtues (not to speak of her +motherly affection) cannot but make her feel that no greater blessing +could come to the nation after her death than his reigning over it. +As this is the only complaint which the Commissioners find at once +well-founded and not easy to remedy, they are happy to know that it is +confined to the very insignificant class of persons who are “devotedly +loyal Royalists.” + +The Commissioners thus feel themselves bound to report that all the +complaints they have heard against our beloved and gracious Sovereign +(except the one last cited, which is of no importance) are without +foundation, or frivolous, or easily remedied, and that our beloved and +gracious Sovereign (whom may Heaven long preserve!) could not do better +than she is now doing, in doing nothing. + +But in order to obviate such complaints, which do much harm, whether ill +or well founded, and which especially pain the delicate susceptibilities +of all respectable men and women, the Commissioners have thought it +their duty to draw up the following project of a Constitution, not to +come into force until the death of our present beloved and gracious +Sovereign (which may God, if so it please Him, long avert!), and to be +modified in its details according to the best wisdom of our national +House of Palaver. + + +.. clearpage:: + +Draft +===== + +.. dropcap:: W Whereas + +Whereas it is treasonable to talk of dethroning a monarch, but there can +be no disloyalty in preventing a person not yet a monarch from becoming +one: + +And whereas it is considered by very many, and seems proved by the +experience of the last ---- years that the country can do quite well +without a monarch, and may therefore save the extra expense of monarchy: + +And whereas it is calculated that from the accession of George I. +of blessed memory until the decease of the most beloved of Queens, +Victoria, a period of upwards of a century and a half, the Royal Family +of the House of Guelph have received full and fair payment in every +respect for their generous and heroic conduct in coming to occupy the +throne and other high places of this kingdom, and in saving us from the +unconstitutional Stuarts: + +And whereas the said Stuarts may now be considered extinct, and thus no +longer dangerous to this realm: And whereas the said Royal Family of the +House of Guelph is so prolific that the nation cannot hope to support +all the members thereof for a long period to come in a royal manner: + +And whereas the Dukes of this realm are accounted liberal and courteous +gentlemen: + +And whereas the constitution of our country is so far Venetian that it +cannot but be improved in harmony and consistency by being made more +Venetian still: + +Be it enacted, etc., That the Throne now vacant through the +ever-to-be-deplored death of her late most gracious Majesty shall +remain vacant. That the mem-ers of what has been hitherto the Royal +Family keep all the property they have accumulated, the nation resuming +from them all grants of sinecures and other salaried appointments. That +no member of the said Family be eligible for any public appointment +whatever for at least one hundred years. That the Dukes in the order of +their seniority shall act as Doges (with whatever title be considered +the best) year and year about, under penalty of large fines in cases of +refusal, save when such refusal is supported by clear proof of poverty +(being revenue under a settled minimum), imbecility, brutality, or other +serious disqualification. That no members of a ducal family within a +certain degree of relationship to the head of the house be eligible for +any public appointment whatever; the head of the house being eligible +for the Dogeship only. That the duties of the Doge be simply to seal and +sign Acts of Parliament, proclamations, etc., when requested to do so by +the Ministry; and to exercise hospitality to royal or ruling and other +representatives of foreign countries, as well as to distinguished +natives. That a fair and even excessive allowance be made to the Doge +for the expenses of his year of office. That the royal palaces be +official residences of the Doge. That the Doge be free from all +political responsibility as from all political power; but be responsible +for performing liberally and courteously the duties of hospitality, so +that Buckingham Palace shall not contrast painfully with the Mansion +House. Etc., etc. + +God preserve the Doge! + +The Commission of Inquiry having thus triumphantly vindicated our +beloved and gracious Sovereign against the cruel aspersions of people +in general, and having moreover drafted a plan for obviating such +aspersions against any British King or Queen in future, ends its Report, +and dissolves itself, with humble thankfulness to God Almighty whose +grace alone has empowered it to conclude its arduous labors so speedily, +and with results so incalculably beneficial. + +P. S.—Since the above report was drawn up, that ardent English patriot +and loyalist, Benjamin Disraeli, being by the grace of God and the late +Earl of Derby Prime Minister of this realm, has proposed that Parliament +shall enable her Most Gracious Majesty to assume the additional title of +Empress of India, and Parliament has so far humbly assented. Being sore +pressed by many cantankerous persons to give valid reasons for this +change, he has given reasons many and weighty; such as the earnest +desire of the princes and people of India, which desire has been so +abundantly expressed that the expressions thereof cannot be produced +lest they should overwhelm Parliament and destroy the balance of +the world in general; then the imposing authority of “Whitaker’s +Almanack,” a dissenting minister and a school-girl aged twelve: and +lastly the necessity of such a title for scaring all the Russias from +India. But I believe that in deference to the well-known modesty of her +Most Gracious Majesty he has not produced the most cogent reason of all, +which is that for her wonderful and continual goodness during the past +fourteen years in abstaining from the active functions of royalty, thus +not only doing no mischief but preparing us for a Republic de jure by +habituating us to a Republic *de facto*, she merits a great reward; and +that, as she has already more money than she knows what to do with, this +reward of royal virtue can most fittingly be rendered by her grateful +subjects promoting her to the rank of Empress. And it should be noted +that whereas the old title of Queen has a certain strength and stability +in the habitudes if not in the affections of the people, the new fangled +title of Empress has no such support, so that in assuming it our beloved +monarch is but working consistently and resolutely toward the great end +of her reign, the speedy abolition of monarchy and establishment of a +Republic. + + +.. clearpage:: + +A BIBLE LESSON ON MONARCHY +========================== + +(1876.) + +.. dropcap:: T The + +The old theory of “The right divine of kings to govern wrong,” and +the much-quoted text, “Fear God and honor the king,” seem to have +impressed many good people with the notion that the Bible is in favor of +monarchy. But “king” in the text plainly has the general meaning +of “ruler,” and would be equally applicable to the President of a +Republic. In Romans xiii. 1—3, we read: “Let every soul be subject +unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers +that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, +resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to +themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to +the evil.” Without stopping to discuss the bold assertion in the last +sentence, we may remark that the real teaching of this passage is +that Christians ought to be indifferent to politics, quietly accepting +whatever government they find in power; for if the powers that be are +ordained of God, or in other words, if might is right, all forms of +government are equally entitled to obedience so long as they actually +exist. Of course Christians are not now, and for the most part have not +been for centuries, really indifferent to politics, because for the most +part they now are and long have been Christians only in name; but it +is easy to understand from the New Testament itself why the first +Christians naturally were thus indifferent, and why Christianity has +never afforded any political inspiration. Nothing can be clearer to one +who reads the New Testament honestly and without prejudice than the fact +that Christ and his apostles believed that the end of the world was +at hand. Thus in Matt, xxiv., Jesus after foretelling the coming to +judgment of the son of man in the clouds of heaven with power and great +glory, when the angels shall gather the elect from the four winds, adds, +v. 34, “Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till +all these things be fulfilled.” This is repeated in almost the +same words in Mark xiii., and Luke xxi., and a careful reading of the +Epistles shows that their writers were profoundly influenced by this +prophecy. But with the world coming to an end so soon, it would be as +absurd to take any interest in its politics as for a traveller stopping +two or three days in an inn to concern himself self with schemes for +rebuilding it, when about to leave for a far country where he intends +settling for life. If therefore we want any political guidance from the +Holy Scriptures, we must go to the Old Testament, not to the New. + +Now the first lesson on Monarchy, which we remember made us think even +in childhood, is the fable of the trees electing a king, told by Jotham, +the son of Gideon, in Judges ix. The trees in the process of this +election showed a judgment much superior to that which men usually show +in such a business. It is true that they did not select first the most +strong and stalwart of trees, the cedar or the oak, but they had the +good sense to choose the most sweet-natured and bountiful, the olive, +then the fig, then the vine. But the bountiful trees thus chosen had +good sense too, and would not forsake the fatness and the sweetness and +the wine which cheereth God and man, to rule over their fellow trees. +Then the poor trees, like a jilted girl who marries in spleen the first +scamp she comes across, asked the bramble to be their king; and that +barren good-for-nothing of course accepted eagerly the crown which the +noble and generous had refused, and called upon the trees to put their +trust in its scraggy shadow, “and if not, let fire come out of the +bramble, and devour the cedars of Lebanon.” Young as we were when this +fable first caught our attention, we mused a good deal over it, and +even then began to learn that those most eager for supremacy, the most +forward candidates in elections, are nearly always brambles, not olives +or fig-trees or vines; and that the first thought of a bramble, when +made ruler over its betters, is naturally to destroy with fire the +cedars of Lebanon. + +But God himself in the case of the Israelites has vouchsafed to us +a very clear judgment on the question of Monarchy. In the remarkable +constitution for that people which he gave to Moses, he did not include +a king, and Israel remained without a king for more years than it is +worth while endeavoring to count here. We read, 1 Samuel viii., how +“All the elders of Israel gathered themselves together, and came to +Samuel unto Hamah, and said unto him, Behold thou art old, and thy +sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the +nations. But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king +to judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the Lord. And the Lord said unto +Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto +thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I +should not reign over them. + +“... Now therefore hearken unto their voice: how-beit yet protest +solemnly unto them, and show them the manner of the king that shall +reign over them.” Some students of the Bible may have thought that +God’s severe condemnation of the Israelites for wanting a king arose +chiefly from wounded pride, from the fact that they had rejected him, +and we cannot affirm that this feeling did not inflame his anger, for +he himself has said that he is a jealous God; but the protest which +he orders Samuel to make, and the exposition of the common evils of +kingship, prove clearly that God did not (and therefore, of course, +does not) approve this form of government. And, indeed, it is plain that +if he had approved it, he would have given it to his chosen people at +first. For although divines have termed the form of government under +which the Jews lived before the kings a theocracy, God did not then rule +immediately, but always through the medium of a high-priest or judge, +and could have governed through the medium of a king had he thought +it well so to do. And he who reads the history of the Jews under +the Judges, as contained in the Book of Judges, and especially the +narratives in chapters xvii. to xxi. which illustrate the condition of +Jewish society in those days when “there was no king in Israel: every +man did that which was right in his own eyes,” will see that God must +have thought a Monarchy very vile and odious indeed when he was angry +at the request for it, and implied that it was actually worse than that +government by Judges alternated with bondage under neighboring tribes +which the theologians call a theocracy. Samuel warned the people of what +a king would do, and doubtless thought he was warning them of the worst, +but kings have far outstripped all that the prophet could foresee. The +king, he said, will take your sons to be his warriors and servants; and +will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and cooks, and bakers. +This was the truth, and nothing but the truth, but it was not the whole +truth; for the sons have been taken to be far worse than mere warriors +and servants, and the daughters for much viler purposes than cooking +and baking. Samuel goes on: “And he will take your fields, and your +vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to +his servants”—when he does not keep them for himself might have +been added. “And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your +vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants.” Surely much +more than a tenth, O Samuel! We will not quote the remainder of this +wise warning. Like most wise warnings it was ineffectual; the foolish +people insisted on having a king, and in the following chapters we read +how Saul the Son of Kish, going forth to seek his father’s asses, +found his own subjects. + +The condemnation of Monarchy by God, as we read it in this instance, +is so thorough and general that we feel bound to add a few words on an +exceptional case in which a king is highly extolled in the Scriptures, +without any actions being recorded of him, as in the instances of +David and Solomon, to nullify the praise. The king in question was +Melchizedek, King of Salem, and priest of the most high God, who met +Abram returning from the defeat of the four kings and blessed him, and +to whom Abram gave tithes of all, as we read in Genesis xiv. But this +short notice of Melchizedek in Genesis does not by any means suggest to +us the full wonderfulness of his character, though we naturally conclude +from it that he was indeed an important personage to whom Abram gave +tithes of all. The New Testament, however, comes to our aid, and for +once gives us a most valuable political lesson, though the inspired +writer was far from thinking of political instruction when he wrote the +passage. In Hebrews vi., 20, and vii., 1 to 3, we read: “Jesus, +made an High Priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec. For this +Melchisedec, King of Salem, priest of the most high God, who met Abraham +returning from the slaughter of the kings, and blessed him; to whom also +Abraham gave a tenth part of all; first being by interpretation King +of righteousness, and after that also King of Salem, which is King of +peace; without father, without mother, without descent, having neither +beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; +abideth a priest continually.” Now he to whom Jesus is compared, and +who is like the Son of God, is clearly the noblest of characters; and +therefore, as the history in the first book of Samuel teaches us that +Monarchy is generally to be avoided, these fine verses from the Epistle +to the Hebrews delineate for us the exceptional king whose reign is to +be desired. + +The delineation is quite masterly, for a few lines give us +characteristics which cannot be overlooked or mistaken. This model +monarch must be a priest of the most high God—a king of righteousness +and king of peace; without father, without mother, without descent, +having neither beginning of days nor end of life; but made like unto the +Son of God. Whenever and wherever such a gentleman is met with, we would +advise even the most zealous Republicans to put him forthwith upon the +throne. But in the absence of such a gentleman we can hardly do wrong if +we follow the good advice of Samuel dictated by God Almighty, and manage +without any Monarch. + + +.. clearpage:: + +PRINCIPAL TULLOCH ON PERSONAL IMMORTALITY +========================================= + +[two excerpts.] + +(1877.) + +.. dropcap:: D Dr. Tulloch + +Dr. Tulloch has the sense to perceive and the candor to acknowledge that +even to those who have not any faith in God or Immortality, death +need not be terrible, and often is not; that they may be resigned or +peaceful, and meet the inevitable with a calm front; that they may be +even glad to be done with the struggle of existence. Of course this is +no news to us who have stood at the bedside of dying Materialists and +Atheists, or are familiar with trustworthy well-authenticated accounts +of the last hours of such persons. Still it is encouraging to find a +distinguished and influential minister openly recognising the facts, +instead of distorting them with the old contemptible pious fictions, +again and again repeated after being again and again refuted. But Dr. +Tulloch considers that only the light of the higher life in Christ can +glorify death. It would have been well had he been more specific as +to this higher life and the glory it casts on death. If they are as +described at length in the only authoritative Christian Scripture on +the subject, the Book of Revelation, it seems to me that the life is +anything but high, and radiates anything but glory. However, tastes +differ, and man is a queer fellow; and there may actually exist many +people who would prefer to annihilation a sort of everlasting Moody +and Sankey meeting, and would even regard this as celestial beatitude. +Concerning such I will only say with Goethe, I hope I shan’t go to +heaven with that lot! Yet these are not quite the lowest of the low in +our civilised Christendom; or are there not many who look forward with +complacency and even enthusiasm to a life beyond death, wherein they +shall be largely employed in rapping tables, jogging arms and scrawling +illiterate nonsense? Dr. Tulloch, in quoting St. Paul, seems to forget +that he was writing of himself and his fellow Christians, to whom his +words were thoroughly applicable; not of mankind in general, to whom +they were not, and by the construction of the sentence could not be. +“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the +most miserable;” we, the Christians. And why would they be of all men +the most miserable? Clearly because, in obedience to the injunctions +of their Master, they had cut themselves off from this world that they +might secure the next; had renounced wealth, honor, society, enjoyment, +all interest in art, science, literature, all political and national +aspirations, and had courted obloquy and persecution; so that if the +next life should turn out to be a mockery, a delusion and a snare, they +were of all men the most miserable, being the most miserably deluded. +Those poor simple early Christians (on the showing, true or false, of +the books all Christians revere as sacred and divine), having only Jesus +and his apostles to instruct them, had not reached that lofty mercantile +wisdom which made the late Mr. Binney one of the most popular preachers +in our pious and mercantile country, when he solved the problem of *How +to Make the Best of Both Worlds*. Of other-worldliness they indeed +had enough and to spare; but they lacked the large modern grasp which +combines and intermingles it with an equal measure of this worldliness. +“They didn’t know everything down in Judee;” and St. Paul, though +fairly intelligent and cultivated for his benighted time, was in a +deplorable need of some lessons from Weigh-house Chapel. + +When the worthy Principal says that men cannot find strength or comfort +in what has been called the Religion of Humanity, and that they crave a +personal life, is he aware that he has descended from the highlands +of morality and truth to the lowest lowlands of Paley and Binney +expediency? Is he aware that he is moreover begging the question, making +the monstrous assumption that men must get what they crave? I call this +the childish lollipop attraction of religion, so absurd as to be really +beneath the contempt of full-grown men and women. Just as young ones +would look forward to having the free range as long as they liked (which +they would interpret for ever and ever) of shops full of sweeties, so +those big babies, our dear simple Christian brethren, look forward to +their Lubberland of eternal bliss, in singing Glory! Glory! Glory! Their +claim to it is purely the infant’s, because they would like it. Their +mouths water, they lick their lips, they gurgle luxuriously with the +foretaste: “Oh, we shall be so ’ap-’ap-’appy! Canaan is a happy +place; we’ll go to the land of Canaan!” And usually these beatific +adult babies are creatures such as an intelligent man would be ashamed +to bring into the world, much more a God. You can’t endure an hour of +their society here, and they pester you to come and spend eternity with +them! I am really sorry to find Dr. Tulloch in such company. + +In conclusion, I ask the reader to note especially the preacher’s +avowal that his faith in personal immortality has no warrant from +Nature, no warrant from Science; nay, more, that the suggestions of +scientific analysis “mockingly sift the sources of life only to hint +our mortality.” There is indeed no temper of mockery in Science, but +its soberest deductions may well seem to mock with a terrible derision +the inordinate greed and self-conceit of men, who, because they profess +an unscientific and unnatural faith, have lost all sense of proportion +between their infinitesimal selves and the infinite Universe. + + +.. clearpage:: + +THE ESTABLISHED CHURCH +====================== + +Its Real As Distinguished From Its Apparent Strength + +(1862.) + +.. dropcap:: I In + +In discussions with “Infidels,” Churchmen are very ready with +the taunt, “You are but a handful of’ fanatics. Nearly the whole +intellect of the nation is for us and against you.” In general the +taunt is merely parried by a “What matter, if *we* are right?” +whereas it should also be retorted by a counter-thrust of denial. For, +in truth, but a very small part of the intellect of the nation—*i.e.*, +intellect in the only sense in which it is of importance—*active* +intellect, is devoted to the Establishment or even to the Establishment +and the so-called Dissenters combined. If they only are the true +soldiers of the Church militant whom she spiritually feeds and equips +for the warfare of life, and who are loyal to her with their whole heart +and mind, how many legions must be deducted from the armies gathered +round her banners before we can fairly estimate her actual power in +the field! Should Jesus come to eliminate his true followers from the +multitudes of professing Christians, as Gideon selected his, three +hundred from the two and thirty thousand Israelites, let us consider +whom he would reject. + +*First*, all the cowards and hypocrites who simply cling to what appears +the dominant party, and who would therefore call themselves Atheists +were Atheism in the ascendant; a vile brood, the incumbrance and +disgrace of every cause they adopt; “hateful to God and to the enemies +of God”; of whom even to write is not pleasant. + +*Secondly*, the indifferent through lack of vitality; men of tepid heart +and inert brain, who are incapable of any strong sane affection. I use +the word *sane* because these creatures have intense self-love, which +in its essence is insane; and because also they may be frenzied by the +drunkenness of fanaticism, in which state they can die as devotedly as +they can murder atrociously. The adhesion of these also I count no gain +to any cause. + +*Thirdly*, the indifferent through excess of vitality, including the +most eminent “practical” men, soldiers, sailors, lawyers, engineers, +statesmen. These, applying their whole energies to their several +professions, rarely trouble themselves with theological any more than +with other extraneous matters, but passively acquiesce in whatever creed +may be prevalent around them. Their real church is the world; their real +worship is labor; and they no more add to the strength of their +nominal church than did the *savants* to that of Napoleon’s army in +Egypt—those *savants* whom the wise Napoleon always ordered (with the +donkeys) to the centre whenever an attack was expected. To these must +be added all the men whom we call fine animals, who enjoy such a +red-blooded life in this world that they are not subject to bilious +forebodings of another. Some classes of the most famous men—the poets, +philosophers, doctors, physicists, mathematicians—are commanded by +their very vocations to think seriously on some of the great theological +questions, and therefore, whether ranged for or against the Church, +count for something. The reader must ask his memory whether their weight +in the balance has preponderated for orthodoxy or for heterodoxy. The +statesmen I have counted among the indifferent, because their support +of religion, in whatever form, has been almost universally no more than +political. + +*Fourthly*, the supersubtle, including laymen and divines of first-rate +talent; who cannot help delighting in the exercise of their skill of +fence, and who instinctively feel that it is much harder to champion +any existing institution than to attack it, and naturally (like all +unconquerable knights-errant) prefer the most difficult *devoir*. Their +adhesion to the Church, therefore, though seeming to strengthen it, +really proclaims its weakness. Macaulay tells us how Halifax, the +Trimmer, always joined the losing side. + +*Fifthly*, the supremely reverential, including the very best of the +laymen and divines; men whose lofty reason is drowned in a yet deeper +faith, as mountain-peaks high as the highest in air are said to be +submerged in the abysses of the Atlantic. In many cases these might be +ranked in the preceding class; for it is a general rule that the more +reverence, the more subtlety. They see—how clearly!—the flaws and +imperfections of their Church, they even realise the danger of its total +fall; but they cannot tear themselves away from the venerable building +wherein all their forefathers worshipped, in whose consecrated precincts +all their forefathers were buried in hopes of a happy resurrection; +whose chants were the rapturous music and whose windows were the +heavenly glories of their pure childhood; whose prayers they repeated +night after night and morning after morning at their mother’s knee. +Can they leave this, with all its treasured holiness of antiquity for +some new bold glaring erection, wherein men certainly congregate ta +talk about God, but which might just as well be used as a warehouse or a +manufactory? No; rather than leave it they will believe, they will force +themselves to believe, that some miraculous renovation is at hand, or +that (as the structure was certainly raised by God) God will uphold +it in spite of the law of gravitation. These are the men who keep the +Church from falling into insignificance, but they are not essentially +hers. It is not she alone whom they could thus worship. Had they been +brought up idolators, idolatry must have retained almost the same +influence over spirits so reverentially humble, so loving and pure. + +And here it may be remarked that one can scarcely conceive a Church so +frail and gloomy and even vile, but that a fervent soul and a strong +intellect could fortify it with argument, adorn it with the gold and +jewels of imagination, illustrate its dark altars and vivify its dead +idols with the burning fire of spirituality, until it should be far more +noble and mighty and splendid than ever was aspired to by the majority +of men. But mark, such men as these of whom I speak do not derive their +religiousness from, but really bestow it upon the Church in which they +pray. She is subject and indebted to them, not they to her. She does not +nourish them, they nourish her. She is the statue, they are Pygmalion. +And they are indeed idolators, for they worship a creation of their own +souls. Perhaps Pygmalion himself fell down and adored his flushed and +breathing statue, thinking her, with artist-reverence, nothing less than +a transformation of Venus Urania. When one thinks of certain noble men +and women—as Maurice and Kingsley, Ruskin and the Browning—devoting +themselves in spite of themselves to an effete faith, one is sadly +reminded of poor Abishag the Shunammite wasting and withering her +healthful youth to cherish old worn-out David, “who knew her +not,” who could fill her with no new life, and who was, despite her +cherishing, so certainly near death. He had been a great king in his +time, but now his time was past, and as it was now the maiden’s +spring-time, he should have left her to live her proper life. + +But when all these are separated from the host, who are left to whom we +may point in answer to Emerson’s question, “In Christendom, where +is the Christian?” Strictly speaking there has never been but one +Christian—the man Christ Jesus. But I would give the title to those +who thoroughly believe the Bible after having investigated it to the +best of their power, who find its doctrines completely satisfy them, and +who sincerely endeavor to act up to those doctrines. How many of such +are there? I have known perhaps half a dozen. Has any reader known many +more? Will any one dare assert that they are more numerous in England +than the equally sincere Secularists or Atheists? I scarcely think any +honest and thoughtful person will. + + +FINIS. + + +.. clearpage:: + + + + + + + + +---------------------- + +.. pgfooter:: + |