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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book I.
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book I.
+
+Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+Release Date: December 6, 2004 [EBook #3901]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK I.
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+     Introduction--S.W. Orson
+     Book I.
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+Among the notable books of later times-we may say, without exaggeration,
+of all time--must be reckoned The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau.
+It deals with leading personages and transactions of a momentous epoch,
+when absolutism and feudalism were rallying for their last struggle
+against the modern spirit, chiefly represented by Voltaire, the
+Encyclopedists, and Rousseau himself--a struggle to which, after many
+fierce intestine quarrels and sanguinary wars throughout Europe and
+America, has succeeded the prevalence of those more tolerant and rational
+principles by which the statesmen of our own day are actuated.
+
+On these matters, however, it is not our province to enlarge; nor is it
+necessary to furnish any detailed account of our author's political,
+religious, and philosophic axioms and systems, his paradoxes and his
+errors in logic: these have been so long and so exhaustively disputed
+over by contending factions that little is left for even the most
+assiduous gleaner in the field.  The inquirer will find, in Mr. John
+Money's excellent work, the opinions of Rousseau reviewed succinctly and
+impartially.  The 'Contrat Social', the 'Lattres Ecrites de la Montagne',
+and other treatises that once aroused fierce controversy, may therefore
+be left in the repose to which they have long been consigned, so far as
+the mass of mankind is concerned, though they must always form part of
+the library of the politician and the historian.  One prefers to turn to
+the man Rousseau as he paints himself in the remarkable work before us.
+
+That the task which he undertook in offering to show himself--as Persius
+puts it--'Intus et in cute', to posterity, exceeded his powers, is a
+trite criticism; like all human enterprises, his purpose was only
+imperfectly fulfilled; but this circumstance in no way lessens the
+attractive qualities of his book, not only for the student of history or
+psychology, but for the intelligent man of the world.  Its startling
+frankness gives it a peculiar interest wanting in most other
+autobiographies.
+
+Many censors have elected to sit in judgment on the failings of this
+strangely constituted being, and some have pronounced upon him very
+severe sentences.  Let it be said once for all that his faults and
+mistakes were generally due to causes over which he had but little
+control, such as a defective education, a too acute sensitiveness, which
+engendered suspicion of his fellows, irresolution, an overstrained sense
+of honour and independence, and an obstinate refusal to take advice from
+those who really wished to befriend him; nor should it be forgotten that
+he was afflicted during the greater part of his life with an incurable
+disease.
+
+Lord Byron had a soul near akin to Rousseau's, whose writings naturally
+made a deep impression on the poet's mind, and probably had an influence
+on his conduct and modes of thought: In some stanzas of 'Childe Harold'
+this sympathy is expressed with truth and power; especially is the
+weakness of the Swiss philosopher's character summed up in the following
+admirable lines:
+
+         "Here the self-torturing sophist, wild Rousseau,
+          The apostle of affliction, he who threw
+          Enchantment over passion, and from woe
+          Wrung overwhelming eloquence, first drew
+          The breath which made him wretched; yet he knew
+          How to make madness beautiful, and cast
+          O'er erring deeds and thoughts a heavenly hue
+          Of words, like sunbeams, dazzling as they passed
+          The eyes, which o'er them shed tears feelingly and fast.
+
+         "His life was one long war with self-sought foes,
+          Or friends by him self-banished; for his mind
+          Had grown Suspicion's sanctuary, and chose,
+          For its own cruel sacrifice, the kind,
+          'Gainst whom he raged with fury strange and blind.
+          But he was frenzied,-wherefore, who may know?
+          Since cause might be which skill could never find;
+          But he was frenzied by disease or woe
+          To that worst pitch of all, which wears a reasoning show."
+
+One would rather, however, dwell on the brighter hues of the picture than
+on its shadows and blemishes; let us not, then, seek to "draw his
+frailties from their dread abode."  His greatest fault was his
+renunciation of a father's duty to his offspring; but this crime he
+expiated by a long and bitter repentance.  We cannot, perhaps, very
+readily excuse the way in which he has occasionally treated the memory of
+his mistress and benefactress.  That he loved Madame de Warens--his
+'Mamma'--deeply and sincerely is undeniable, notwithstanding which he now
+and then dwells on her improvidence and her feminine indiscretions with
+an unnecessary and unbecoming lack of delicacy that has an unpleasant
+effect on the reader, almost seeming to justify the remark of one of his
+most lenient critics--that, after all, Rousseau had the soul of a lackey.
+He possessed, however, many amiable and charming qualities, both as a man
+and a writer, which were evident to those amidst whom he lived, and will
+be equally so to the unprejudiced reader of the Confessions.  He had a
+profound sense of justice and a real desire for the improvement and
+advancement of the race.  Owing to these excellences he was beloved to
+the last even by persons whom he tried to repel, looking upon them as
+members of a band of conspirators, bent upon destroying his domestic
+peace and depriving him of the means of subsistence.
+
+Those of his writings that are most nearly allied in tone and spirit to
+the 'Confessions' are the 'Reveries d'un Promeneur Solitaire' and
+'La Nouvelle Heloise'.  His correspondence throws much light on his life
+and character, as do also parts of 'Emile'.  It is not easy in our day to
+realize the effect wrought upon the public mind by the advent of
+'La Nouvelle Heloise'.  Julie and Saint-Preux became names to conjure
+with; their ill-starred amours were everywhere sighed and wept over by
+the tender-hearted fair; indeed, in composing this work, Rousseau may be
+said to have done for Switzerland what the author of the Waverly Novels
+did for Scotland, turning its mountains, lakes and islands, formerly
+regarded with aversion, into a fairyland peopled with creatures whose
+joys and sorrows appealed irresistibly to every breast.  Shortly after
+its publication began to flow that stream of tourists and travellers
+which tends to make Switzerland not only more celebrated but more opulent
+every year.  It, is one of the few romances written in the epistolary
+form that do not oppress the reader with a sense of languor and
+unreality; for its creator poured into its pages a tide of passion
+unknown to his frigid and stilted predecessors, and dared to depict
+Nature as she really is, not as she was misrepresented by the modish
+authors and artists of the age.  Some persons seem shy of owning an
+acquaintance with this work; indeed, it has been made the butt of
+ridicule by the disciples of a decadent school.  Its faults and its
+beauties are on the surface; Rousseau's own estimate is freely expressed
+at the beginning of the eleventh book of the Confessions and elsewhere.
+It might be wished that the preface had been differently conceived and
+worded; for the assertion made therein that the book may prove dangerous
+has caused it to be inscribed on a sort of Index, and good folk who never
+read a line of it blush at its name.  Its "sensibility," too, is a little
+overdone, and has supplied the wits with opportunities for satire; for
+example, Canning, in his 'New Morality':
+
+              "Sweet Sensibility, who dwells enshrined
+               In the fine foldins of the feeling mind....
+               Sweet child of sickly Fancy!-her of yore
+               From her loved France Rousseau to exile bore;
+               And while 'midst lakes and mountains wild he ran,
+               Full of himself, and shunned the haunts of man,
+               Taught her o'er each lone vale and Alpine, steep
+               To lisp the story of his wrongs and weep."
+
+As might be imagined, Voltaire had slight sympathy with our social
+reformer's notions and ways of promulgating them, and accordingly took
+up his wonted weapons--sarcasm and ridicule--against poor Jean-Jacques.
+The quarrels of these two great men cannot be described in this place;
+but they constitute an important chapter in the literary and social
+history of the time.  In the work with which we are immediately
+concerned, the author seems to avoid frequent mention of Voltaire, even
+where we should most expect it.  However, the state of his mind when he
+penned this record of his life should be always remembered in relation to
+this as well as other occurrences.
+
+Rousseau had intended to bring his autobiography down to a later date,
+but obvious causes prevented this: hence it is believed that a summary of
+the chief events that marked his closing years will not be out of place
+here.
+
+On quitting the Ile de Saint-Pierre he travelled to Strasbourg, where he
+was warmly received, and thence to Paris, arriving in that city on
+December I6, 1765.  The Prince de Conti provided him with a lodging in
+the Hotel Saint-Simon, within the precincts of the Temple--a place of
+sanctuary for those under the ban of authority.  'Every one was eager to
+see the illustrious proscript, who complained of being made a daily show,
+"like Sancho Panza in his island of Barataria."  During his short stay in
+the capital there was circulated an ironical letter purporting to come
+from the Great Frederick, but really written by Horace Walpole.  This
+cruel, clumsy, and ill-timed joke angered Rousseau, who ascribed it to,
+Voltaire.  A few sentences may be quoted:
+
+     "My Dear Jean-Jacques,--You have renounced Geneva, your native
+     place.  You have caused your expulsion from Switzerland, a country
+     so extolled in your writings; France has issued a warrant against
+     you: so do you come to me.  My states offer you a peaceful retreat.
+     I wish you well, and will treat you well, if you will let me.  But,
+     if you persist in refusing my help, do not reckon upon my telling
+     any one that you did so.  If you are bent on tormenting your spirit
+     to find new misfortunes, choose whatever you like best.  I am a
+     king, and can procure them for you at your pleasure; and, what will
+     certainly never happen to you in respect of your enemies, I will
+     cease to persecute you as soon as you cease to take a pride in being
+     persecuted.  Your good friend,
+                                             "FREDERICK."
+
+
+Early in 1766 David Hume persuaded Rousseau to go with him to England,
+where the exile could find a secure shelter.  In London his appearance
+excited general attention.  Edmund Burke had an interview with him and
+held that inordinate vanity was the leading trait in his character.
+Mr. Davenport, to whom he was introduced by Hume, generously offered
+Rousseau a home at Wootton, in Staffordshire, near the, Peak Country; the
+latter, however, would only accept the offer on condition that he should
+pay a rent of L 30 a year.  He was accorded a pension of L 100 by George
+III., but declined to draw after the first annual payment.  The climate
+and scenery of Wootton being similar to those of his native country, he
+was at first delighted with his new abode, where he lived with Therese,
+and devoted his time to herborising and inditing the first six books of
+his Confessions.  Soon, however, his old hallucinations acquired
+strength, and Rousseau convinced himself that enemies were bent upon his
+capture, if not his death.  In June, 1766, he wrote a violent letter to
+Hume, calling him "one of the worst of men."  Literary Paris had combined
+with Hume and the English Government to surround him--as he supposed
+--with guards and spies; he revolved in his troubled mind all the reports
+and rumours he had heard for months and years; Walpole's forged letter
+rankled in his bosom; and in the spring of 1767 he fled; first to
+Spalding, in Lincolnshire, and subsequently to Calais, where he landed in
+May.
+
+On his arrival in France his restless and wandering disposition forced
+him continually to change his residence, and acquired for him the title
+of "Voyageur Perpetuel."  While at Trye, in Gisors, in 1767--8, he wrote
+the second part of the Confessions.  He had assumed the surname of Renou,
+and about this time he declared before two witnesses that Therese was his
+wife--a proceeding to which he attached the sanctity of marriage.  In
+1770 he took up his abode in Paris, where he lived continuously for seven
+years, in a street which now bears his name, and gained a living by
+copying music.  Bernardin de Saint-Pierre, the author of 'Paul and
+Virginia', who became acquainted with him in 1772, has left some
+interesting particulars of Rousseau's daily mode of life at this period.
+Monsieur de Girardin having offered him an asylum at Ermemonville in the
+spring of 1778, he and Therese went thither to reside, but for no long
+time.  On the 3d of July, in the same year, this perturbed spirit at last
+found rest, stricken by apoplexy.  A rumor that he had committed suicide
+was circulated, but the evidence of trustworthy witnesses, including a
+physician, effectually contradicts this accusation.  His remains, first
+interred in the Ile des Peupliers, were, after the Revolution, removed to
+the Pantheon.  In later times the Government of Geneva made some
+reparation for their harsh treatment of a famous citizen, and erected his
+statue, modelled by his compatriot, Pradier, on an island in the Rhone.
+
+              "See nations, slowly wise and meanly just,
+               To buried merit raise the tardy bust."
+
+November, 1896.
+                                             S. W. ORSON.
+
+
+
+
+
+                             THE CONFESSIONS
+
+                                    OF
+
+                              J. J. ROUSSEAU
+
+
+BOOK I.
+
+I have entered upon a performance which is without example, whose
+accomplishment will have no imitator.  I mean to present my
+fellow-mortals with a man in all the integrity of nature; and this man
+shall be myself.
+
+I know my heart, and have studied mankind; I am not made like any one I
+have been acquainted with, perhaps like no one in existence; if not
+better, I at least claim originality, and whether Nature did wisely in
+breaking the mould with which she formed me, can only be determined after
+having read this work.
+
+Whenever the last trumpet shall sound, I will present myself before the
+sovereign judge with this book in my hand, and loudly proclaim, thus have
+I acted; these were my thoughts; such was I.  With equal freedom and
+veracity have I related what was laudable or wicked, I have concealed no
+crimes, added no virtues; and if I have sometimes introduced superfluous
+ornament, it was merely to occupy a void occasioned by defect of memory:
+I may have supposed that certain, which I only knew to be probable, but
+have never asserted as truth, a conscious falsehood.  Such as I was, I
+have declared myself; sometimes vile and despicable, at others, virtuous,
+generous and sublime; even as thou hast read my inmost soul: Power
+eternal! assemble round thy throne an innumerable throng of my
+fellow-mortals, let them listen to my confessions, let them blush at my
+depravity, let them tremble at my sufferings; let each in his turn expose
+with equal sincerity the failings, the wanderings of his heart, and, if
+he dare, aver, I was better than that man.
+
+I was born at Geneva, in 1712, son of Isaac Rousseau and Susannah
+Bernard, citizens.  My father's share of a moderate competency, which was
+divided among fifteen children, being very trivial, his business of a
+watchmaker (in which he had the reputation of great ingenuity) was his
+only dependence.  My mother's circumstances were more affluent; she was
+daughter of a Mons. Bernard, minister, and possessed a considerable share
+of modesty and beauty; indeed, my father found some difficulty in
+obtaining her hand.
+
+The affection they entertained for each other was almost as early as
+their existence; at eight or nine years old they walked together every
+evening on the banks of the Treille, and before they were ten, could not
+support the idea of separation.  A natural sympathy of soul confined
+those sentiments of predilection which habit at first produced; born with
+minds susceptible of the most exquisite sensibility and tenderness, it
+was only necessary to encounter similar dispositions; that moment
+fortunately presented itself, and each surrendered a willing heart.
+
+The obstacles that opposed served only to give a decree of vivacity to
+their affection, and the young lover, not being able to obtain his
+mistress, was overwhelmed with sorrow and despair.  She advised him to
+travel--to forget her.  He consented--he travelled, but returned more
+passionate than ever, and had the happiness to find her equally constant,
+equally tender.  After this proof of mutual affection, what could they
+resolve?--to dedicate their future lives to love! the resolution was
+ratified with a vow, on which Heaven shed its benediction.
+
+Fortunately, my mother's brother, Gabriel Bernard, fell in love with one
+of my father's sisters; she had no objection to the match, but made the
+marriage of his sister with her brother an indispensable preliminary.
+Love soon removed every obstacle, and the two weddings were celebrated
+the same day: thus my uncle became the husband of my aunt, and their
+children were doubly cousins german.  Before a year was expired, both had
+the happiness to become fathers, but were soon after obliged to submit to
+a separation.
+
+My uncle Bernard, who was an engineer, went to serve in the empire and
+Hungary, under Prince Eugene, and distinguished himself both at the siege
+and battle of Belgrade.  My father, after the birth of my only brother,
+set off, on recommendation, for Constantinople, and was appointed
+watchmaker to the Seraglio.  During his absence, the beauty, wit, and
+accomplishments--
+
+     [They were too brilliant for her situation, the minister, her
+     father, having bestowed great pains on her education.  She was aught
+     drawing, singing, and to play on the theorbo; had learning, and
+     wrote very agreeable verses.  The following is an extempore piece
+     which she composed in the absence of her husband and brother, in a
+     conversation with some person relative to them, while walking with
+     her sister--in--law, and their two children:
+
+                    Ces deux messieurs, qui sont absens,
+                    Nous sont chers e bien des manieres;
+                    Ce sont nos amiss, nos amans,
+                    Ce sont nos maris et nos freres,
+                    Et les peres de ces enfans.
+
+                    These absent ones, who just claim
+                    Our hearts, by every tender name,
+                    To whom each wish extends
+                    Our husbands and our brothers are,
+                    The fathers of this blooming pair,
+                    Our lovers and our friends.]
+
+of my mother attracted a number of admirers, among whom Mons. de la
+Closure, Resident of France, was the most assiduous in his attentions.
+His passion must have been extremely violent, since after a period of
+thirty years I have seen him affected at the very mention of her name.
+My mother had a defence more powerful even than her virtue; she tenderly
+loved my father, and conjured him to return; his inclination seconding
+his request, he gave up every prospect of emolument, and hastened to
+Geneva.
+
+I was the unfortunate fruit of this return, being born ten months after,
+in a very weakly and infirm state; my birth cost my mother her life, and
+was the first of my misfortunes.  I am ignorant how my father supported
+her loss at that time, but I know he was ever after inconsolable.  In me
+he still thought he saw her he so tenderly lamented, but could never
+forget I had been the innocent cause of his misfortune, nor did he ever
+embrace me, but his sighs, the convulsive pressure of his arms, witnessed
+that a bitter regret mingled itself with his caresses, though, as may be
+supposed, they were not on this account less ardent.  When he said to me,
+"Jean Jacques, let us talk of your mother," my usual reply was, "Yes,
+father, but then, you know, we shall cry," and immediately the tears
+started from his eyes.  "Ah!" exclaimed he, with agitation, "Give me back
+my wife; at least console me for her loss; fill up, dear boy, the void
+she has left in my soul.  Could I love thee thus wert thou only my son?"
+Forty years after this loss he expired in the arms of his second wife,
+but the name of the first still vibrated on his lips, still was her image
+engraved on his heart.
+
+Such were the authors of my being: of all the gifts it had pleased Heaven
+to bestow on them, a feeling heart was the only one that descended to me;
+this had been the source of their felicity, it was the foundation of all
+my misfortunes.
+
+I came into the world with so few signs of life, that they entertained
+but little hope of preserving me, with the seeds of a disorder that has
+gathered strength with years, and from which I am now relieved at
+intervals, only to suffer a different, though more intolerable evil.
+I owed my preservation to one of my father's sisters, an amiable and
+virtuous girl, who took the most tender care of me; she is yet living,
+nursing, at the age of four--score, a husband younger than herself, but
+worn out with excessive drinking.  Dear aunt!  I freely forgive your
+having preserved my life, and only lament that it is not in my power to
+bestow on the decline of your days the tender solicitude and care you
+lavished on the first dawn of mine.  My nurse, Jaqueline, is likewise
+living: and in good health--the hands that opened my eyes to the light of
+this world may close them at my death.  We suffer before we think; it is
+the common lot of humanity.  I experienced more than my proportion of it.
+I have no knowledge of what passed prior to my fifth or sixth year; I
+recollect nothing of learning to read, I only remember what effect the
+first considerable exercise of it produced on my mind; and from that
+moment I date an uninterrupted knowledge of myself.
+
+Every night, after supper, we read some part of a small collection of
+romances which had been my mother's.  My father's design was only to
+improve me in reading, and he thought these entertaining works were
+calculated to give me a fondness for it; but we soon found ourselves so
+interested in the adventures they contained, that we alternately read
+whole nights together, and could not bear to give over until at the
+conclusion of a volume.  Sometimes, in a morning, on hearing the swallows
+at our window, my father, quite ashamed of this weakness, would cry,
+"Come, come, let us go to bed; I am more a child than thou art."
+
+I soon acquired, by this dangerous custom, not only an extreme facility
+in reading and comprehending, but, for my age, a too intimate
+acquaintance with the passions.  An infinity of sensations were familiar
+to me, without possessing any precise idea of the objects to which they
+related--I had conceived nothing--I had felt the whole.  This confused
+succession of emotions did not retard the future efforts of my reason,
+though they added an extravagant, romantic notion of human life, which
+experience and reflection have never been able to eradicate.
+
+My romance reading concluded with the summer of 1719, the following
+winter was differently employed.  My mother's library being quite
+exhausted, we had recourse to that part of her father's which had
+devolved to us; here we happily found some valuable books, which was by
+no means extraordinary, having been selected by a minister that truly
+deserved that title, in whom learning (which was the rage of the times)
+was but a secondary commendation, his taste and good sense being most
+conspicuous.  The history of the Church and Empire by Le Sueur,
+Bossuett's Discourses on Universal History, Plutarch's Lives, the history
+of Venice by Nani, Ovid's Metamorphoses, La Bruyere, Fontenelle's World,
+his Dialogues of the Dead, and a few volumes of Moliere, were soon ranged
+in my father's closet, where, during the hours he was employed in his
+business, I daily read them, with an avidity and taste uncommon, perhaps
+unprecedented at my age.
+
+Plutarch presently became my greatest favorite.  The satisfaction I
+derived from repeated readings I gave this author, extinguished my
+passion for romances, and I shortly preferred Agesilaus, Brutus, and
+Aristides, to Orondates, Artemenes, and Juba.  These interesting
+studies, seconded by the conversations they frequently occasioned with my
+father, produced that republican spirit and love of liberty, that haughty
+and invincible turn of mind, which rendered me impatient of restraint or
+servitude, and became the torment of my life, as I continually found
+myself in situations incompatible with these sentiments.  Incessantly
+occupied with Rome and Athens, conversing, if I may so express myself
+with their illustrious heroes; born the citizen of a republic, of a
+father whose ruling passion was a love of his country, I was fired with
+these examples; could fancy myself a Greek or Roman, and readily give
+into the character of the personage whose life I read; transported by the
+recital of any extraordinary instance of fortitude or intrepidity,
+animation flashed from my eyes, and gave my voice additional strength and
+energy.  One day, at table, while relating the fortitude of Scoevola,
+they were terrified at seeing me start from my seat and hold my hand over
+a hot chafing--dish, to represent more forcibly the action of that
+determined Roman.
+
+My brother, who was seven years older than myself, was brought up to my
+father's profession.  The extraordinary affection they lavished on me
+might be the reason he was too much neglected: this certainly was a fault
+which cannot be justified.  His education and morals suffered by this
+neglect, and he acquired the habits of a libertine before he arrived at
+an age to be really one.  My father tried what effect placing him with a
+master would produce, but he still persisted in the same ill conduct.
+Though I saw him so seldom that it could hardly be said we were
+acquainted.  I loved him tenderly, and believe he had as strong an
+affection for me as a youth of his dissipated turn of mind could be
+supposed capable of.  One day, I remember, when my father was correcting
+him severely, I threw myself between them, embracing my brother, whom I
+covered with my body, receiving the strokes designed for him; I persisted
+so obstinately in my protection, that either softened by my cries and
+tears, or fearing to hurt me most, his anger subsided, and he pardoned
+his fault.  In the end, my brother's conduct became so bad that he
+suddenly disappeared, and we learned some time after that he was in
+Germany, but he never wrote to us, and from that day we heard no news of
+him: thus I became an only son.
+
+If this poor lad was neglected, it was quite different with his brother,
+for the children of a king could not be treated with more attention and
+tenderness than were bestowed on my infancy, being the darling of the
+family; and what is rather uncommon, though treated as a beloved, never
+a spoiled child; was never permitted, while under paternal inspection,
+to play in the street with other children; never had any occasion to
+contradict or indulge those fantastical humors which are usually
+attributed to nature, but are in reality the effects of an injudicious
+education.  I had the faults common to my age, was talkative, a glutton,
+and sometimes a liar, made no scruple of stealing sweetmeats, fruits,
+or, indeed, any kind of eatables; but never took delight in mischievous
+waste, in accusing others, or tormenting harmless animals.  I recollect,
+indeed, that one day, while Madam Clot, a neighbor of ours, was gone to
+church, I made water in her kettle: the remembrance even now makes me
+smile, for Madame Clot (though, if you please, a good sort of creature)
+was one of the most tedious grumbling old women I ever knew.  Thus have I
+given a brief, but faithful, history of my childish transgressions.
+
+How could I become cruel or vicious, when I had before my eyes only
+examples of mildness, and was surrounded by some of the best people in
+the world?  My father, my aunt, my nurse, my relations, our friends, our
+neighbors, all I had any connection with, did not obey me, it is true,
+but loved me tenderly, and I returned their affection.  I found so little
+to excite my desires, and those I had were so seldom contradicted, that I
+was hardly sensible of possessing any, and can solemnly aver I was an
+absolute stranger to caprice until after I had experienced the authority
+of a master.
+
+Those hours that were not employed in reading or writing with my father,
+or walking with my governess, Jaqueline, I spent with my aunt; and
+whether seeing her embroider, or hearing her sing, whether sitting or
+standing by her side, I was ever happy.  Her tenderness and unaffected
+gayety, the charms of her figure and countenance have left such indelible
+impressions on my mind, that her manner, look, and attitude are still
+before my eyes; I recollect a thousand little caressing questions; could
+describe her clothes, her head-dress, nor have the two curls of fine
+black hair which hung on her temples, according to the mode of that time,
+escaped my memory.
+
+Though my taste, or rather passion, for music, did not show itself until
+a considerable time after, I am fully persuaded it is to her I am
+indebted for it.  She knew a great number of songs, which she sung with
+great sweetness and melody.  The serenity and cheerfulness which were
+conspicuous in this lovely girl, banished melancholy, and made all round
+her happy.
+
+The charms of her voice had such an effect on me, that not only several
+of her songs have ever since remained on my memory, but some I have not
+thought of from my infancy, as I grow old, return upon my mind with a
+charm altogether inexpressible.  Would any one believe that an old dotard
+like me, worn out with care and infirmity, should sometime surprise
+himself weeping like a child, and in a voice querulous, and broken by
+age, muttering out one of those airs which were the favorites of my
+infancy?  There is one song in particular, whose tune I perfectly
+recollect, but the words that compose the latter half of it constantly
+refuse every effort to recall them, though I have a confused idea of the
+rhymes.  The beginning, with what I have been able to recollect of the
+remainder, is as follows:
+
+                    Tircis, je n'ose
+                    Ecouter ton Chalumeau
+                    Sous l'Ormeau;
+                    Car on en cause
+                    Deja dans notre hameau.
+                    ----   ---- -------
+                    ------ --- un Berger
+                    s'engager
+                    sans danger,
+                    Et toujours l'epine est sons la rose.
+
+
+I have endeavored to account for the invincible charm my heart feels on
+the recollection of this fragment, but it is altogether inexplicable.
+I only know, that before I get to the end of it, I always find my voice
+interrupted by tenderness, and my eyes suffused with tears.  I have a
+hundred times formed the resolution of writing to Paris for the remainder
+of these words, if any one should chance to know them: but I am almost
+certain the pleasure I take in the recollection would be greatly
+diminished was I assured any one but my poor aunt Susan had sung them.
+
+Such were my affections on entering this life.  Thus began to form and
+demonstrate itself, a heart, at once haughty and tender, a character
+effeminate, yet invincible; which, fluctuating between weakness and
+courage, luxury and virtue, has ever set me in contradiction to myself;
+causing abstinence and enjoyment, pleasure and prudence, equally to shun
+me.
+
+This course of education was interrupted by an accident, whose
+consequences influenced the rest of my life.  My father had a quarrel
+with M. G----, who had a captain's commission in France, and was related
+to several of the Council.  This G----, who was an insolent, ungenerous
+man, happening to bleed at the nose, in order to be revenged, accused my
+father of having drawn his sword on him in the city, and in consequence
+of this charge they were about to conduct him to prison.  He insisted
+(according to the law of this republic) that the accuser should be
+confined at the same time; and not being able to obtain this, preferred a
+voluntary banishment for the remainder of his life, to giving up a point
+by which he must sacrifice his honor and liberty.
+
+I remained under the tuition of my uncle Bernard, who was at that time
+employed in the fortifications of Geneva.  He had lost his eldest
+daughter, but had a son about my own age, and we were sent together to
+Bossey, to board with the Minister Lambercier.  Here we were to learn
+Latin, with all the insignificant trash that has obtained the name of
+education.
+
+Two years spent in this village softened, in some degree, my Roman
+fierceness, and again reduced me to a state of childhood.  At Geneva,
+where nothing was exacted, I loved reading, which was, indeed, my
+principal amusement; but, at Bossey, where application was expected,
+I was fond of play as a relaxation.  The country was so new, so charming
+in my idea, that it seemed impossible to find satiety in its enjoyments,
+and I conceived a passion for rural life, which time has not been able to
+extinguish; nor have I ever ceased to regret the pure and tranquil
+pleasures I enjoyed at this place in my childhood; the remembrance having
+followed me through every age, even to that in which I am hastening again
+towards it.
+
+M. Lambercier was a worthy, sensible man, who, without neglecting our
+instruction, never made our acquisitions burthensome, or tasks tedious.
+What convinces me of the rectitude of his method is, that notwithstanding
+my extreme aversion to restraint, the recollection of my studies is never
+attended with disgust; and, if my improvement was trivial, it was
+obtained with ease, and has never escaped memory.
+
+The simplicity of this rural life was of infinite advantage in opening my
+heart to the reception of true friendship.  The sentiments I had hitherto
+formed on this subject were extremely elevated, but altogether imaginary.
+The habit of living in this peaceful manner soon united me tenderly to my
+cousin Bernard; my affection was more ardent than that I had felt for my
+brother, nor has time ever been able to efface it.  He was a tall, lank,
+weakly boy, with a mind as mild as his body was feeble, and who did not
+wrong the good opinion they were disposed to entertain for the son of my
+guardian.  Our studies, amusements, and tasks, were the same; we were
+alone; each wanted a playmate; to separate would in some measure, have
+been to annihilate us.  Though we had not many opportunities of
+demonstrating our attachment to each other, it was certainly extreme; and
+so far from enduring the thought of separation, we could not even form an
+idea that we should ever be able to submit to it.  Each of a disposition
+to be won by kindness, and complaisant, when not soured by contradiction,
+we agreed in every particular.  If, by the favor of those who governed us
+he had the ascendant while in their presence, I was sure to acquire it
+when we were alone, and this preserved the equilibrium so necessary in
+friendship.  If he hesitated in repeating his task, I prompted him; when
+my exercises were finished, I helped to write his; and, in our
+amusements, my disposition being most active, ever had the lead.  In a
+word, our characters accorded so well, and the friendship that subsisted
+between us was so cordial, that during the five years we were at Bossey
+and Geneva we were inseparable: we often fought, it is true, but there
+never was any occasion to separate us.  No one of our quarrels lasted
+more than a quarter of an hour, and never in our lives did we make any
+complaint of each other.  It may be said, these remarks are frivolous;
+but, perhaps, a similiar example among children can hardly be produced.
+
+The manner in which I passed my time at Bossey was so agreeable to my
+disposition, that it only required a longer duration absolutely to have
+fixed my character, which would have had only peaceable, affectionate,
+benevolent sentiments for its basis.  I believe no individual of our kind
+ever possessed less natural vanity than myself.  At intervals, by an
+extraordinary effort, I arrived at sublime ideas, but presently sunk
+again into my original languor.  To be loved by every one who knew me was
+my most ardent wish.  I was naturally mild, my cousin was equally so, and
+those who had the care of us were of similiar dispositions.  Everything
+contributed to strengthen those propensities which nature had implanted
+in my breast, and during the two years I was neither the victim nor
+witness of any violent emotions.
+
+I knew nothing so delightful as to see every one content, not only with
+me, but all that concerned them.  When repeating our catechism at church,
+nothing could give me greater vexation, on being obliged to hesitate,
+than to see Miss Lambercier's countenance express disapprobation and
+uneasiness.  This alone was more afflicting to me than the shame of
+faltering before so many witnesses, which, notwithstanding, was
+sufficiently painful; for though not oversolicitous of praise, I was
+feelingly alive to shame; yet I can truly affirm, the dread of being
+reprimanded by Miss Lambercier alarmed me less than the thought of making
+her uneasy.
+
+Neither she nor her brother were deficient in a reasonable severity, but
+as this was scarce ever exerted without just cause, I was more afflicted
+at their disapprobation than the punishment.  Certainly the method of
+treating youth would be altered if the distant effects, this
+indiscriminate, and frequently indiscreet method produces, were more
+conspicuous.  I would willingly excuse myself from a further explanation,
+did not the lesson this example conveys (which points out an evil as
+frequent as it is pernicious) forbid my silence.
+
+As Miss Lambercier felt a mother's affection, she sometimes exerted a
+mother's authority, even to inflicting on us when we deserved it, the
+punishment of infants.  She had often threatened it, and this threat of a
+treatment entirely new, appeared to me extremely dreadful; but I found
+the reality much less terrible than the idea, and what is still more
+unaccountable, this punishment increased my affection for the person who
+had inflicted it.  All this affection, aided by my natural mildness, was
+scarcely sufficient to prevent my seeking, by fresh offences, a return of
+the same chastisement; for a degree of sensuality had mingled with the
+smart and shame, which left more desire than fear of a repetition.  I was
+well convinced the same discipline from her brother would have produced a
+quite contrary effect; but from a man of his disposition this was not
+probable, and if I abstained from meriting correction it was merely from
+a fear of offending Miss Lambercier, for benevolence, aided by the
+passions, has ever maintained an empire over me which has given law to my
+heart.
+
+This event, which, though desirable, I had not endeavored to accelerate,
+arrived without my fault; I should say, without my seeking; and I
+profited by it with a safe conscience; but this second, was also the last
+time, for Miss Lambercier, who doubtless had some reason to imagine this
+chastisement did not produce the desired effect, declared it was too
+fatiguing, and that she renounced it for the future.  Till now we had
+slept in her chamber, and during the winter, even in her bed; but two
+days after another room was prepared for us, and from that moment I had
+the honor (which I could very well have dispensed with) of being treated
+by her as a great boy.
+
+Who would believe this childish discipline, received at eight years old,
+from the hands of a woman of thirty, should influence my propensities,
+my desires, my passions, for the rest of my life, and that in quite a
+contrary sense from what might naturally have been expected?  The very
+incident that inflamed my senses, gave my desires such an extraordinary
+turn, that, confined to what I had already experienced, I sought no
+further, and, with blood boiling with sensuality, almost from my birth,
+preserved my purity beyond the age when the coldest constitutions lose
+their insensibility; long tormented, without knowing by what, I gazed on
+every handsome woman with delight; imagination incessantly brought their
+charms to my remembrance, only to transform them into so many Miss
+Lamberciers.
+
+If ever education was perfectly chaste, it was certainly that I received;
+my three aunts were not only of exemplary prudence, but maintained a
+degree of modest reserve which women have long since thought unnecessary.
+My father, it is true, loved pleasure, but his gallantry was rather of
+the last than the present century, and he never expressed his affection
+for any woman he regarded in terms a virgin could have blushed at;
+indeed, it was impossible more attention should be paid to that regard we
+owe the morals of children than was uniformly observed by every one I had
+any concern with.  An equal degree of reserve in this particular was
+observed at M. Lambercier's, where a good maid-servant was discharged for
+having once made use of an expression before us which was thought to
+contain some degree of indelicacy.  I had no precise idea of the ultimate
+effect of the passions, but the conception I had formed was extremely
+disgusting; I entertained a particular aversion for courtesans, nor could
+I look on a rake without a degree of disdain mingled with terror.
+
+These prejudices of education, proper in themselves to retard the first
+explosions of a combustible constitution, were strengthened, as I have
+already hinted, by the effect the first moments of sensuality produced in
+me, for notwithstanding the troublesome ebullition of my blood, I was
+satisfied with the species of voluptuousness I had already been
+acquainted with, and sought no further.
+
+Thus I passed the age of puberty, with a constitution extremely ardent,
+without knowing or even wishing for any other gratification of the
+passions than what Miss Lambercier had innocently given me an idea of;
+and when I became a man, that childish taste, instead of vanishing, only
+associated with the other.  This folly, joined to a natural timidity, has
+always prevented my being very enterprising with women, so that I have
+passed my days in languishing in silence for those I most admired,
+without daring to disclose my wishes.
+
+To fall at the feet of an imperious mistress, obey her mandates, or
+implore pardon, were for me the most exquisite enjoyments, and the more
+my blood was inflamed by the efforts of a lively imagination the more I
+acquired the appearance of a whining lover.
+
+It will be readily conceived that this mode of making love is not
+attended with a rapid progress or imminent danger to the virtue of its
+object; yet, though I have few favors to boast of, I have not been
+excluded from enjoyment, however imaginary.  Thus the senses, in
+concurrence with a mind equally timid and romantic, have preserved my
+moral chaste, and feelings uncorrupted, with precisely the same
+inclinations, which, seconded with a moderate portion of effrontery,
+might have plunged me into the most unwarrantable excesses.
+
+I have made the first, most difficult step, in the obscure and painful
+maze of my Confessions.  We never feel so great a degree of repugnance in
+divulging what is really criminal, as what is merely ridiculous.  I am
+now assured of my resolution, for after what I have dared disclose,
+nothing can have power to deter me.  The difficulty attending these
+acknowledgments will be readily conceived, when I declare, that during
+the whole of my life, though frequently laboring under the most violent
+agitation, being hurried away with the impetuosity of a passion which
+(when in company with those I loved) deprived me of the faculty of sight
+and hearing, I could never, in the course of the most unbounded
+familiarity, acquire sufficient resolution to declare my folly, and
+implore the only favor that remained to bestow.
+
+In thus investigating the first traces of my sensible existence, I find
+elements, which, though seemingly incompatible, have united to produce a
+simple and uniform effect; while others, apparently the same, have, by
+the concurrence of certain circumstances, formed such different
+combinations, that it would never be imagined they had any affinity; who
+would believe, for example, that one of the most vigorous springs of my
+soul was tempered in the identical source from whence luxury and ease
+mingled with my constitution and circulated in my veins?  Before I quit
+this subject, I will add a striking instance of the different effects
+they produced.
+
+One day, while I was studying in a chamber contiguous to the kitchen, the
+maid set some of Miss Lambercier's combs to dry by the fire, and on
+coming to fetch them some time after, was surprised to find the teeth of
+one of them broken off.  Who could be suspected of this mischief?  No one
+but myself had entered the room: I was questioned, but denied having any
+knowledge of it.  Mr. and Miss Lambercier consult, exhort, threaten, but
+all to no purpose; I obstinately persist in the denial; and, though this
+was the first time I had been detected in a confirmed falsehood,
+appearances were so strong that they overthrew all my protestations.
+This affair was thought serious; the mischief, the lie, the obstinacy,
+were considered equally deserving of punishment, which was not now to be
+administered by Miss Lambercier.  My uncle Bernard was written to; he
+arrived; and my poor cousin being charged with a crime no less serious,
+we were conducted to the same execution, which was inflicted with great
+severity.  If finding a remedy in the evil itself, they had sought ever
+to allay my depraved desires, they could not have chosen a shorter method
+to accomplish their designs, and, I can assure my readers, I was for a
+long time freed from the dominion of them.
+
+As this severity could not draw from me the expected acknowledgment,
+which obstinacy brought on several repetitions, and reduced me to a
+deplorable situation, yet I was immovable, and resolutely determined to
+suffer death rather than submit.  Force, at length, was obliged to yield
+to the diabolical infatuation of a child, for no better name was bestowed
+on my constancy, and I came out of this dreadful trial, torn, it is true,
+but triumphant.  Fifty years have expired since this adventure--the fear
+of punishment is no more.  Well, then, I aver, in the face of Heaven, I
+was absolutely innocent: and, so far from breaking, or even touching the
+comb, never came near the fire.  It will be asked, how did this mischief
+happen?  I can form no conception of it, I only know my own innocence.
+
+Let any one figure to himself a character whose leading traits were
+docility and timidity, but haughty, ardent, and invincible, in its
+passions; a child, hitherto governed by the voice of reason, treated with
+mildness, equity, and complaisance, who could not even support the idea
+of injustice, experiencing, for the first time, so violent an instance of
+it, inflicted by those he most loved and respected.  What perversion of
+ideas!  What confusion in the heart, the brain, in all my little being,
+intelligent and moral!--let any one, I say, if possible, imagine all
+this, for I am incapable of giving the least idea of what passed in my
+mind at that period.
+
+My reason was not sufficiently established to enable me to put myself in
+the place of others, and judge how much appearances condemned me, I only
+beheld the rigor of a dreadful chastisement, inflicted for a crime I had
+not committed; yet I can truly affirm, the smart I suffered, though
+violent, was inconsiderable compared to what I felt from indignation,
+rage, and despair.  My cousin, who was almost in similar circumstances,
+having been punished for an involuntary fault as guilty of a premediated
+crime, became furious by my example.  Both in the same bed, we embraced
+each other with convulsive transport; we were almost suffocated; and when
+our young hearts found sufficient relief to breathe out our indigination,
+we sat up in the bed, and with all our force, repeated a hundred times,
+Carnifex!  Carnifex!  Carnifex!  executioner, tormentor.
+
+Even while I write this I feel my pulse quicken, and should I live a
+hundred thousand years, the agitation of that moment would still be fresh
+in my memory.  The first instance of violence and oppression is so deeply
+engraved on my soul, that every relative idea renews my emotion: the
+sentiment of indignation, which in its origin had reference only to
+myself, has acquired such strength, and is at present so completely
+detached from personal motives, that my heart is as much inflamed at the
+sight or relation of any act of injustice (whatever may be the object, or
+wheresoever it may be perpetrated) as if I was the immediate sufferer.
+When I read the history of a merciless tyrant, or the dark and the subtle
+machination of a knavish designing priest, I could on the instant set off
+to stab the miscreants, though I was certain to perish in the attempt.
+
+I have frequently fatigued myself by running after and stoning a cock, a
+cow, a dog, or any animal I saw tormenting another, only because it was
+conscious of possessing superior strength.  This may be natural to me,
+and I am inclined to believe it is, though the lively impression of the
+first injustice I became the victim of was too long and too powerfully
+remembered not to have added considerable force to it.
+
+This occurrence terminated my infantine serenity; from that moment I
+ceased to enjoy a pure unadulterated happiness, and on a retrospection of
+the pleasure of my childhood, I yet feel they ended here.  We continue at
+Bossey some months after this event, but were like our first parents in
+the Garden of Eden after they had lost their innocence; in appearance our
+situation was the same, in effect it was totally different.
+
+Affection, respect; intimacy, confidence, no longer attached the pupils
+to their guides; we beheld them no longer as divinities, who could read
+the secrets of our hearts; we were less ashamed of committing faults,
+more afraid of being accused of them: we learned to dissemble, to rebel,
+to lie: all the vices common to our years began to corrupt our happy
+innocence, mingle with our sports, and embitter our amusements.  The
+country itself, losing those sweet and simple charms which captivate the
+heart, appeared a gloomy desert, or covered with a veil that concealed
+its beauties.  We cultivated our little gardens no more: our flowers were
+neglected.  We no longer scratched away the mould, and broke out into
+exclamations of delight, on discovering that the grain we had sown began
+to shoot.  We were disgusted with our situation; our preceptors were
+weary of us.  In a word, my uncle wrote for our return, and we left Mr.
+and Miss Lambercier without feeling any regret at the separation.
+
+Near thirty years passed away from my leaving Bossey, without once
+recalling the place to my mind with any degree of satisfaction; but after
+having passed the prime of life, as I decline into old age (while more
+recent occurrences are wearing out apace) I feel these remembrances
+revive and imprint themselves on my heart, with a force and charm that
+every day acquires fresh strength; as if, feeling life fleet from me,
+I endeavored to catch it again by its commencement.  The most trifling
+incident of those happy days delight me, for no other reason than being
+of those days.  I recall every circumstance of time, place, and persons;
+I see the maid or footman busy in the chamber, a swallow entering the
+window, a fly settling on my hand while repeating my lessons.  I see the
+whole economy of the apartment; on the right hand Mr. Lambercier's
+closet, with a print representing all the popes, a barometer, a large
+almanac, the windows of the house (which stood in a hollow at the bottom
+of the garden) shaded by raspberry shrubs, whose shoots sometimes found
+entrance; I am sensible the reader has no occasion to know all this, but
+I feel a kind of necessity for relating it.  Why am I not permitted to
+recount all the little anecdotes of that thrice happy age, at the
+recollection of whose joys I ever tremble with delight?  Five or six
+particularly--let us compromise the matter--I will give up five, but
+then I must have one, and only one, provided I may draw it out to its
+utmost length, in order to prolong my satisfaction.
+
+If I only sought yours, I should choose that of Miss Lambercier's
+backside, which by an unlucky fall at the bottom of the meadow, was
+exposed to the view of the King of Sardinia, who happened to be passing
+by; but that of the walnut tree on the terrace is more amusing to me,
+since here I was an actor, whereas, in the abovementioned scene I was
+only a spectator; and I must confess I see nothing that should occasion
+risibility in an accident, which, however laughable in itself, alarmed me
+for a person I loved as a mother, or perhaps something more.
+
+Ye curious readers, whose expectations are already on the stretch for the
+noble history of the terrace, listen to the tragedy, and abstain from
+trembling, if you can, at the horrible catastrophe!
+
+At the outside of the courtyard door, on the left hand, was a terrace;
+here they often sat after dinner; but it was subject to one
+inconvenience, being too much exposed to the rays of the sun; to obviate
+this defect, Mr. Lambercier had a walnut tree set there, the planting of
+which was attended with great solemnity.  The two boarders were
+godfathers, and while the earth was replacing round the root, each held
+the tree with one hand, singing songs of triumph.  In order to water it
+with more effect, they formed a kind of luson around its foot: myself and
+cousin, who were every day ardent spectators of this watering, confirmed
+each other in the very natural idea that it was nobler to plant trees on
+the terrace than colors on a breach, and this glory we were resolved to
+procure without dividing it with any one.
+
+In pursuance of this resolution, we cut a slip off a willow, and planted
+it on the terrace, at about eight or ten feet distance from the august
+walnut tree.  We did not forget to make a hollow round it, but the
+difficulty was how to procure a supply of water, which was brought from a
+considerable distance, and we not permitted to fetch it: but water was
+absolutely necessary for our willow, and we made use of every stratagem
+to obtain it.
+
+For a few days everything succeeded so well that it began to bud, and
+throw out small leaves, which we hourly measured convinced (tho' now
+scarce a foot from the ground) it would soon afford us a refreshing
+shade.  This unfortunate willow, by engrossing our whole time, rendered
+us incapable of application to any other study, and the cause of our
+inattention not being known, we were kept closer than before.  The fatal
+moment approached when water must fail, and we were already afflicted
+with the idea that our tree must perish with drought.  At length
+necessity, the parent of industry, suggested an invention, by which we
+might save our tree from death, and ourselves from despair; it was to
+make a furrow underground, which would privately conduct a part of the
+water from the walnut tree to our willow.  This undertaking was executed
+with ardor, but did not immediately succeed--our descent was not
+skilfully planned--the water did not run, the earth falling in and
+stopping up the furrow; yet, though all went contrary, nothing
+discouraged us, 'omnia vincit labor improbus'.  We made the bason deeper,
+to give the water a more sensible descent; we cut the bottom of a box
+into narrow planks; increased the channel from the walnut tree to our
+willow and laying a row flat at the bottom, set two others inclining
+towards each other, so as to form a triangular channel; we formed a kind
+of grating with small sticks at the end next the walnut tree, to prevent
+the earth and stones from stopping it up, and having carefully covered
+our work with well--trodden earth, in a transport of hope and fear
+attended the hour of watering.  After an interval, which seemed an age of
+expectation, this hour arrived.  Mr. Lambercier, as usual, assisted at
+the operation; we contrived to get between him and our tree, towards
+which he fortunately turned his back.  They no sooner began to pour the
+first pail of water, than we perceived it running to the willow; this
+sight was too much for our prudence, and we involuntarily expressed our
+transport by a shout of joy.  The sudden exclamation made Mr. Lambercier
+turn about, though at that instant he was delighted to observe how
+greedily the earth, which surrounded the root of his walnut tree, imbibed
+the water.  Surprised at seeing two trenches partake of it, he shouted in
+his turn, examines, perceives the roguery, and, sending instantly for a
+pick axe, at one fatal blow makes two or three of our planks fly, crying
+out meantime with all his strength, an aqueduct! an aqueduct!  His
+strokes redoubled, every one of which made an impression on our hearts;
+in a moment the planks, the channel, the bason, even our favorite willow,
+all were ploughed up, nor was one word pronounced during this terrible
+transaction, except the above mentioned exclamation.  An aqueduct!
+repeated he, while destroying all our hopes, an aqueduct! an aqueduct!
+
+It maybe supposed this adventure had a still more melancholy end for the
+young architects; this, however, was not the case; the affair ended here.
+Mr. Lambercier never reproached us on this account, nor was his
+countenance clouded with a frown; we even heard him mention the
+circumstance to his sister with loud bursts of laughter.  The laugh of
+Mr. Lambercier might be heard to a considerable distance.  But what is
+still more surprising after the first transport of sorrow had subsided,
+we did not find ourselves violently afflicted; we planted a tree in
+another spot, and frequently recollected the catastrophe of the former,
+repeating with a significant emphasis, an aqueduct!  an aqueduct!
+Till then, at intervals, I had fits of ambition, and could fancy myself
+Brutus or Aristides, but this was the first visible effect of my vanity.
+To have constructed an aqueduct with our own hands, to have set a slip of
+willow in competition with a flourishing tree, appeared to me a supreme
+degree of glory!  I had a juster conception of it at ten than Caesar
+entertained at thirty.
+
+The idea of this walnut tree, with the little anecdotes it gave rise to,
+have so well continued, or returned to my memory, that the design which
+conveyed the most pleasing sensations, during my journey to Geneva, in
+the year 1754, was visiting Bossey, and reviewing the monuments of my
+infantine amusement, above all, the beloved walnut tree, whose age at
+that time must have been verging on a third of a century, but I was so
+beset with company that I could not find a moment to accomplish my
+design.  There is little appearance now of the occasion being renewed;
+but should I ever return to that charming spot, and find my favorite
+walnut tree still existing, I am convinced I should water it with my
+tears.
+
+On my return to Geneva, I passed two or three years at my uncle's,
+expecting the determination of my friends respecting my future
+establishment.  His own son being devoted to genius, was taught drawing,
+and instructed by his father in the elements of Euclid; I partook of
+these instructions, but was principally fond of drawing.  Meantime, they
+were irresolute, whether to make me a watchmaker, a lawyer, or a
+minister.  I should have preferred being a minister, as I thought it must
+be a charming thing to preach, but the trifling income which had been my
+mother's, and was to be divided between my brother and myself, was too
+inconsiderable to defray the expense attending the prosecution of my
+studies.  As my age did not render the choice very pressing, I remained
+with my uncle, passing my time with very little improvement, and paying
+pretty dear, though not unreasonably, for my board.
+
+My uncle, like my father, was a man of pleasure, but had not learned,
+like him, to abridge his amusements for the sake of instructing his
+family, consequently our education was neglected.  My aunt was a devotee,
+who loved singing psalms better than thinking of our improvement, so that
+we were left entirely to ourselves, which liberty we never abused.
+
+Ever inseparable, we were all the world to each other; and, feeling no
+inclination to frequent the company of a number of disorderly lads of our
+own age, we learned none of those habits of libertinism to which our idle
+life exposed us.  Perhaps I am wrong in charging myself and cousin with
+idleness at this time, for, in our lives, we were never less so; and what
+was extremely fortunate, so incessantly occupied with our amusements,
+that we found no temptation to spend any part of our time in the streets.
+We made cages, pipes, kites, drums, houses, ships, and bows; spoiled the
+tools of my good old grandfather by endeavoring to make watches in
+imitation of him; but our favorite amusement was wasting paper, in
+drawing, washing, coloring, etc.  There came an Italian mountebank to
+Geneva, called Gamber-Corta, who had an exhibition of puppets, that he
+made play a kind of comedy.  We went once to see them, but could not
+spare time to go again, being busily employed in making puppets of our
+own and inventing comedies, which we immediately set about making them
+perform, mimicking to the best of our abilities the uncouth voice of
+Punch; and, to complete the business, my good aunt and uncle Bernard had
+the patience to see and listen to our imitations; but my uncle, having
+one day read an elaborate discourse to his family, we instantly gave up
+our comedies, and began composing sermons.
+
+These details, I confess, are not very amusing, but they serve to
+demonstrate that the former part of our education was well directed,
+since being, at such an early age, the absolute masters of our time,
+we found no inclination to abuse it; and so little in want of other
+companions, that we constantly neglected every occasion of seeking them.
+When taking our walks together, we observed their diversions without
+feeling any inclination to partake of them.  Friendship so entirely
+occupied our hearts, that, pleased with each other's company the simplest
+pastimes were sufficient to delight us.
+
+We were soon remarked for being thus inseparable: and what rendered us
+more conspicuous, my cousin was very tall, myself extremely short, so
+that we exhibited a very whimsical contrast.  This meagre figure, small,
+sallow countenance, heavy air, and supine gait, excited the ridicule of
+the children, who, in the gibberish of the country, nicknamed him 'Barna
+Bredanna'; and we no sooner got out of doors than our ears were assailed
+with a repetition of "Barna Bredanna."  He bore this indignity with
+tolerable patience, but I was instantly for fighting.  This was what the
+young rogues aimed at.  I engaged accordingly, and was beat.  My poor
+cousin did all in his power to assist me, but he was weak, and a single
+stroke brought him to the ground.  I then became furious, and received
+several smart blows, some of which were aimed at 'Barna Bredanna'.  This
+quarrel so far increased the evil, that, to avoid their insults, we could
+only show ourselves in the streets while they were employed at school.
+
+I had already become a redresser of grievances; there only wanted a lady
+in the way to be a knight-errant in form.  This defect was soon supplied;
+I presently had two.  I frequently went to see my father at Nion, a small
+city in the Vaudois country, where he was now settled.  Being universally
+respected, the affection entertained for him extended to me: and, during
+my visits, the question seemed to be, who should show me most kindness.
+A Madame de Vulson, in particular, loaded me with caresses; and, to
+complete all, her daughter made me her gallant.  I need not explain what
+kind of gallant a boy of eleven must be to a girl of two and twenty; the
+artful hussies know how to set these puppets up in front, to conceal more
+serious engagements.  On my part I saw no inequality between myself and
+Miss Vulson, was flattered by the circumstance, and went into it with my
+whole heart, or rather my whole head, for this passion certainly reached
+no further, though it transported me almost to madness, and frequently
+produced scenes sufficient to make even a cynic expire with laughter.
+
+I have experienced two kinds of love, equally real, which have scarce any
+affinity, yet each differing materially from tender friendship.  My whole
+life has been divided between these affections, and I have frequently
+felt the power of both at the same instant.  For example, at the very
+time I so publically and tyrannically claimed Miss Vulson, that I could
+not suffer any other of my sex to approach her, I had short, but
+passionate, assignations with a Miss Goton, who thought proper to act the
+schoolmistress with me.  Our meetings, though absolutely childish,
+afforded me the height of happiness.  I felt the whole charm of mystery,
+and repaid Miss Vulson in kind, when she least expected it, the use she
+made of me in concealing her amours.  To my great mortification, this
+secret was soon discovered, and I presently lost my young schoolmistress.
+
+Miss Goton was, in fact, a singular personage.  She was not handsome,
+yet there was a certain something in her figure which could not easily
+be forgotten, and this for an old fool, I am too often convinced of.
+Her eyes, in particular, neither corresponded with her age, her height,
+nor her manner; she had a lofty imposing air, which agreed extremely well
+with the character she assumed, but the most extraordinary part of her
+composition was a mixture of forwardness and reserve difficult to be
+conceived; and while she took the greatest liberties with me, would never
+permit any to be taken with her in return, treating me precisely like a
+child.  This makes me suppose she had either ceased herself to be one,
+or was yet sufficiently so to behold us play the danger to which this
+folly exposed her.
+
+I was so absolutely in the power of both these mistresses, that when in
+the presence of either, I never thought of her who was absent; in other
+respects, the effects they produced on me bore no affinity.  I could have
+passed my whole life with Miss Vulson, without forming a wish to quit
+her; but then, my satisfaction was attended with a pleasing serenity;
+and, in numerous companies, I was particularly charmed with her.  The
+sprightly sallies of her wit, the arch glance of her eye, even jealousy
+itself, strengthened my attachment, and I triumphed in the preference she
+seemed to bestow on me, while addressed by more powerful rivals;
+applause, encouragement, and smiles, gave animation to my happiness.
+Surrounded by a throng of observers, I felt the whole force of love--I
+was passionate, transported; in a tete-a-tete, I should have been
+constrained, thoughtful, perhaps unhappy.  If Miss Vulson was ill, I
+suffered with her; would willingly have given up my own health to
+establish hers (and, observe I knew the want of it from experience); if
+absent, she employed my thoughts, I felt the want of her; when present,
+her caresses came with warmth and rapture to my heart, though my senses
+were unaffected.  The familiarities she bestowed on me I could not have
+supported the idea of her granting to another; I loved her with a
+brother's affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.
+
+With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
+should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
+favors on any but myself.  The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss Vulson
+was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy sensations; but at
+sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered--every sense was absorbed
+in ecstasy.  I believe it would have been impossible to have remained
+long with her; I must have been suffocated with the violence of my
+palpitations.  I equally dreaded giving either of them displeasure; with
+one I was more complaisant; with the other, more submissive.  I would not
+have offended Miss Vulson for the world; but if Miss Goton had commanded
+me to throw myself into the flames, I think I should have instantly
+obeyed her.  Happily, both for her and myself, our amours; or rather
+rendezvous, were not of long duration: and though my connection with Miss
+Vulson was less dangerous, after a continuance of some greater length,
+that likewise had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a love
+affair is good for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and can
+furnish out at least an exclamation.
+
+Though my correspondence with Miss Vulson was less animated, it was
+perhaps more endearing; we never separated without tears, and it can
+hardly be conceived what a void I felt in my heart.  I could neither
+think nor speak of anything but her.  These romantic sorrows were not
+affected, though I am inclined to believe they did not absolutely centre
+in her, for I am persuaded (though I did not perceive it at that time)
+being deprived of amusement bore a considerable share in them.
+
+To soften the rigor of absence, we agreed to correspond with each other,
+and the pathetic expressions these letters contained were sufficient to
+have split a rock.  In a word, I had the honor of her not being able to
+endure the pain of separation.  She came to see me at Geneva.
+
+My head was now completely turned; and during the two days she remained
+here, I was intoxicated with delight.  At her departure, I would have
+thrown myself into the water after her, and absolutely rent the air with
+my cries.  The week following she sent me sweetmeats, gloves, etc.  This
+certainly would have appeared extremely gallant, had I not been informed
+of her marriage at the same instant, and that the journey I had thought
+proper to give myself the honor of, was only to buy her wedding suit.
+
+My indignation may easily be conceived; I shall not attempt to describe
+it.  In this heroic fury, I swore never more to see the perfidious girl,
+supposing it the greatest punishment that could be inflicted on her.
+This, however, did not occasion her death, for twenty years after, while
+on a visit to my father, being on the lake, I asked who those ladies were
+in a boat not far from ours.  "What!"  said my father smiling, "does not
+your heart inform you?  It is your former flame, it is Madame Christin,
+or, if you please, Miss Vulson."  I started at the almost forgotten name,
+and instantly ordered the waterman to turn off, not judging it worth
+while to be perjured, however favorable the opportunity for revenge, in
+renewing a dispute of twenty years past, with a woman of forty.
+
+Thus, before my future destination was determined, did I fool away the
+most precious moments of my youth.  After deliberating a long time on the
+bent of my natural inclination, they resolved to dispose of me in a
+manner the most repugnant to them.  I was sent to Mr. Masseron, the City
+Register, to learn (according to the expression of my uncle Bernard) the
+thriving occupation of a scraper.  This nickname was inconceivably
+displeasing to me, and I promised myself but little satisfaction in the
+prospect of heaping up money by a mean employment.  The assiduity and
+subjection required, completed my disgust, and I never set foot in the
+office without feeling a kind of horror, which every day gained fresh
+strength.
+
+Mr. Masseron, who was not better pleased with my abilities than I was
+with the employment, treated me with disdain, incessantly upbraiding me
+with being a fool and blockhead, not forgetting to repeat, that my uncle
+had assured him I was a knowing one, though he could not find that I knew
+anything.  That he had promised to furnish him with a sprightly boy, but
+had, in truth, sent him an ass.  To conclude, I was turned out of the
+registry, with the additional ignominy of being pronounced a fool by all
+Mr. Masseron's clerks, and fit only to handle a file.
+
+My vocation thus determined, I was bound apprentice; not, however, to a
+watchmaker, but to an engraver, and I had been so completely humiliated
+by the contempt of the register, that I submitted without a murmur.  My
+master, whose name was M. Ducommon, was a young man of a very violent and
+boorish character, who contrived in a short time to tarnish all the
+amiable qualities of my childhood, to stupefy a disposition naturally
+sprightly, and reduce my feelings, as well as my condition, to an
+absolute state of servitude.  I forgot my Latin, history, and
+antiquities; I could hardly recollect whether such people as Romans ever
+existed.  When I visited my father, he no longer beheld his idol, nor
+could the ladies recognize the gallant Jean Jacques; nay, I was so well
+convinced that Mr. and Miss Lambercier would scarce receive me as their
+pupil, that I endeavored to avoid their company, and from that time have
+never seen them.  The vilest inclinations, the basest actions, succeeded
+my amiable amusements and even obliterated the very remembrance of them.
+I must have had, in spite of my good education, a great propensity to
+degenerate, else the declension could not have followed with such ease
+and rapidity, for never did so promising a Caesar so quickly become a
+Laradon.
+
+The art itself did not displease me.  I had a lively taste for drawing.
+There was nothing displeasing in the exercise of the graver; and as it
+required no very extraordinary abilities to attain perfection as a
+watchcase engraver, I hoped to arrive at it.  Perhaps I should have
+accomplished my design, if unreasonable restraint, added to the brutality
+of my master, had not rendered my business disgusting.  I wasted his
+time, and employed myself in engraving medals, which served me and my
+companions as a kind of insignia for a new invented order of chivalry,
+and though this differed very little from my usual employ, I considered
+it as a relaxation.  Unfortunately, my master caught me at this
+contraband labor, and a severe beating was the consequence.  He
+reproached me at the same time with attempting to make counterfeit money
+because our medals bore the arms of the Republic, though, I can truly
+aver, I had no conception of false money, and very little of the true,
+knowing better how to make a Roman As than one of our threepenny pieces.
+
+My master's tyranny rendered insupportable that labor I should otherwise
+have loved, and drove me to vices I naturally despised, such as
+falsehood, idleness, and theft.  Nothing ever gave me a clearer
+demonstration of the difference between filial dependence and abject
+slavery, than the remembrance of the change produced in me at that
+period.  Hitherto I had enjoyed a reasonable liberty; this I had suddenly
+lost.  I was enterprising at my father's, free at Mr. Lambercier's,
+discreet at my uncle's; but, with my master, I became fearful, and from
+that moment my mind was vitiated.  Accustomed to live on terms of perfect
+equality, to be witness of no pleasures I could not command, to see no
+dish I was not to partake of, or be sensible of a desire I might not
+express; to be able to bring every wish of my heart to my lips--what a
+transition!--at my master's I was scarce allowed to speak, was forced to
+quit the table without tasting what I most longed for, and the room when
+I had nothing particular to do there; was incessantly confined to my
+work, while the liberty my master and his journeymen enjoyed, served only
+to increase the weight of my subjection.  When disputes happened to
+arise, though conscious that I understood the subject better than any of
+them, I dared not offer my opinion; in a word, everything I saw became an
+object of desire, for no other reason than because I was not permitted to
+enjoy anything.  Farewell gayety, ease, those happy turns of expressions,
+which formerly even made my faults escape correction.  I recollect, with
+pleasure, a circumstance that happened at my father's, which even now
+makes me smile.  Being for some fault ordered to bed without my supper,
+as I was passing through the kitchen, with my poor morsel of bread in my
+hand, I saw the meat turning on the spit; my father and the rest were
+round the fire; I must bow to every one as I passed.  When I had gone
+through this ceremony, leering with a wistful eye at the roast meat,
+which looked so inviting, and smelt so savory, I could not abstain from
+making that a bow likewise, adding in a pitiful tone, good bye, roast
+meal!  This unpremeditated pleasantry put them in such good humor, that I
+was permitted to stay, and partake of it.  Perhaps the same thing might
+have produced a similar effect at my master's, but such a thought could
+never have occurred to me, or, if it had, I should not have had courage
+to express it.
+
+Thus I learned to covet, dissemble, lie, and, at length, to steal, a
+propensity I never felt the least idea of before, though since that time
+I have never been able entirely to divest myself of it.  Desire and
+inability united naturally led to this vice, which is the reason
+pilfering is so common among footmen and apprentices, though the latter,
+as they grow up, and find themselves in a situation where everything is
+at their command, lose this shameful propensity.  As I never experienced
+the advantage, I never enjoyed the benefit.
+
+Good sentiments, ill-directed, frequently lead children into vice.
+Notwithstanding my continual wants and temptations, it was more than a
+year before I could resolve to take even eatables.  My first theft was
+occasioned by complaisance, but it was productive of others which had not
+so plausible an excuse.
+
+My master had a journeyman named Verrat, whose mother lived in the
+neighborhood, and had a garden at a considerable distance from the house,
+which produced excellent asparagus.  This Verrat, who had no great plenty
+of money, took it in his head to rob her of the most early production of
+her garden, and by the sale of it procure those indulgences he could not
+otherwise afford himself; but not being very nimble, he did not care to
+run the hazard of a surprise.  After some preliminary flattery, which I
+did not comprehend the meaning of, he proposed this expedition to me, as
+an idea which had that moment struck him.  At first I would not listen to
+the proposal; but he persisted in his solicitation, and as I could never
+resist the attacks of flattery, at length prevailed.  In pursuance of
+this virtuous resolution, I every morning repaired to the garden,
+gathered the best of the asparagus, and took it to the Holard where some
+good old women, who guessed how I came by it, wishing to diminish the
+price, made no secret of their suspicions; this produced the desired
+effect, for, being alarmed, I took whatever they offered, which being
+taken to Mr. Verrat, was presently metamorphosed into a breakfast, and
+divided with a companion of his; for, though I procured it, I never
+partook of their good cheer, being fully satisfied with an inconsiderable
+bribe.
+
+I executed my roguery with the greatest fidelity, seeking only to please
+my employer; and several days passed before it came into my head, to rob
+the robber, and tithe Mr. Verrat's harvest.  I never considered the
+hazard I run in these expeditions, not only of a torrent of abuse, but
+what I should have been still more sensible of, a hearty beating; for the
+miscreant, who received the whole benefit, would certainly have denied
+all knowledge of the fact, and I should only have received a double
+portion of punishment for daring to accuse him, since being only an
+apprentice, I stood no chance of being believed in opposition to a
+journeyman.  Thus, in every situation, powerful rogues know how to save
+themselves at the expense of the feeble.
+
+This practice taught me it was not so terrible to thieve as I had
+imagined: I took care to make this discovery turn to some account,
+helping myself to everything within my reach, that I conceived an
+inclination for.  I was not absolutely ill-fed at my master's, and
+temperance was only painful to me by comparing it with the luxury he
+enjoyed.  The custom of sending young people from table precisely when
+those things are served up which seem most tempting, is calculated to
+increase their longing, and induces them to steal what they conceive to
+be so delicious.  It may be supposed I was not backward in this
+particular: in general my knavery succeeded pretty well, though quite the
+reverse when I happened to be detected.
+
+I recollect an attempt to procure some apples, which was attended with
+circumstances that make me smile and shudder even at this instant.  The
+fruit was standing in the pantry, which by a lattice at a considerable
+height received light from the kitchen.  One day, being alone in the
+house, I climbed up to see these precious apples, which being out of my
+reach, made this pantry appear the garden of Hesperides.  I fetched the
+spit--tried if it would reach them--it was too short--I lengthened it
+with a small one which was used for game,--my master being very fond of
+hunting, darted at them several times without success; at length was more
+fortunate; being transported to find I was bringing up an apple, I drew
+it gently to the lattice--was going to seize it when (who can express my
+grief and astonishment!) I found it would not pass through--it was too
+large.  I tried every expedient to accomplish my design, sought
+supporters to keep the spits in the same position, a knife to divide the
+apple, and a lath to hold it with; at length, I so far succeeded as to
+effect the division, and made no doubt of drawing the pieces through; but
+it was scarcely separated, (compassionate reader, sympathize with my
+affliction) when both pieces fell into the pantry.
+
+Though I lost time by this experiment, I did not lose courage, but,
+dreading a surprise, I put off the attempt till next day, when I hoped to
+be more successful, and returned to my work as if nothing had happened,
+without once thinking of what the two obvious witnesses I had left in the
+pantry deposed against me.
+
+The next day (a fine opportunity offering) I renew the trial.  I fasten
+the spits together; get on the stool; take aim; am just going to dart at
+my prey--unfortunately the dragon did not sleep; the pantry door opens,
+my master makes his appearance, and, looking up, exclaims, "Bravo!"
+--The horror of that moment returns--the pen drops from my hand.
+
+A continual repetition of ill treatment rendered me callous; it seemed a
+kind of composition for my crimes, which authorized me to continue them,
+and, instead of looking back at the punishment, I looked forward to
+revenge.  Being beat like a slave, I judged I had a right to all the
+vices of one.  I was convinced that to rob and be punished were
+inseparable, and constituted, if I may so express myself, a kind of
+traffic, in which, if I perform my part of the bargain, my master would
+take care not to be deficient in his; that preliminary settled, I applied
+myself to thieving with great tranquility, and whenever this
+interrogatory occurred to my mind, "What will be the consequence?"  the
+reply was ready, "I know the worst, I shall be beat; no matter, I was
+made for it."
+
+I love good eating; am sensual, but not greedy; I have such a variety of
+inclinations to gratify, that this can never predominate; and unless my
+heart is unoccupied, which very rarely happens, I pay but little
+attention to my appetite; to purloining eatables, but extended this
+propensity to everything I wished to possess, and if I did not become a
+robber in form, it was only because money never tempted me.
+
+My master had a closet in the workshop, which he kept locked; this I
+contrived to open and shut as often as I pleased, and laid his best
+tools, fine drawings, impressions, in a word, everything he wished to
+keep from me, under contribution.
+
+These thefts were so far innocent, that they were always employed in his
+service, but I was transported at having the trifles in my possession,
+and imagined I stole the art with its productions.  Besides what I have
+mentioned, his boxes contained threads of gold and silver, a number of
+small jewels, valuable medals, and money; yet, though I seldom had five
+sous in my pocket, I do not recollect ever having cast a wishful look at
+them; on the contrary, I beheld these valuables rather with terror than
+with delight.
+
+I am convinced the dread of taking money was, in a great measure, the
+effect of education.  There was mingled with the idea of it the fear of
+infamy, a prison, punishment, and death: had I even felt the temptation,
+these objects would have made me tremble; whereas my failings appeared a
+species of waggery, and, in truth, they were little else; they could but
+occasion a good trimming, and this I was already prepared for.  A sheet
+of fine drawing paper was a greater temptation than money sufficient to
+have purchased a ream.  This unreasonable caprice is connected with one
+of the most striking singularities of my character, and has so far
+influenced my conduct, that it requires a particular explanation.
+
+My passions are extremely violent; while under their influence, nothing
+can equal my impetuosity; I am an absolute stranger to discretion,
+respect, fear, or decorum; rude, saucy, violent, and intrepid: no shame
+can stop, no danger intimidate me.  My mind is frequently so engrossed by
+a single object, that beyond it the whole world is not worth a thought;
+this is the enthusiasm of a moment, the next, perhaps, I am plunged in a
+state of annihilation.  Take me in my moments of tranquility, I am
+indolence and timidity itself; a word to speak, the least trifle to
+perform, appear an intolerable labor; everything alarms and terrifies me;
+the very buzzing of a fly will make me shudder; I am so subdued by fear
+and shame, that I would gladly shield myself from mortal view.
+
+When obliged to exert myself, I am ignorant what to do! when forced to
+speak, I am at a loss for words; and if any one looks at me, I am
+instantly out of countenance.  If animated with my subject, I express my
+thoughts with ease, but, in ordinary conversations, I can say nothing
+--absolutely nothing; and, being obliged to speak, renders them
+insupportable.
+
+I may add, that none of my predominant inclinations centre in those
+pleasures which are to be purchased: money empoisons my delight; I must
+have them unadulterated; I love those of the table, for instance, but
+cannot endure the restraints of good company, or the intemperance of
+taverns; I can enjoy them only with a friend, for alone it is equally
+impossible; my imagination is then so occupied with other things, that I
+find no pleasure in eating.  Women who are to be purchased have no charms
+for me; my beating heart cannot be satisfied without affection; it is the
+same with every other enjoyment, if not truly disinterested, they are
+absolutely insipid; in a word, I am fond of those things which are only
+estimable to minds formed for the peculiar enjoyment of them.
+
+I never thought money so desirable as it is usually imagined; if you
+would enjoy you must transform it; and this transformation is frequently
+attended with inconvenience; you must bargain, purchase, pay dear, be
+badly served, and often duped.  I buy an egg, am assured it is new-laid
+--I find it stale; fruit in its utmost perfection--'tis absolutely green.
+I love good wine, but where shall I get it?  Not at my wine merchant's
+--he will poison me to a certainty.  I wish to be universally respected;
+how shall I compass my design?  I must make friends, send messages, write
+letters, come, go, wait, and be frequently deceived.  Money is the
+perpetual source of uneasiness; I fear it more than I love good wine.
+
+A thousand times, both during and since my apprenticeship, have I gone
+out to purchase some nicety, I approach the pastry-cook's, perceive some
+women at the counter, and imagine they are laughing at me.  I pass a
+fruit shop, see some fine pears, their appearance tempts me; but then two
+or three young people are near, or a man I am acquainted with is standing
+at the door; I take all that pass for persons I have some knowledge of,
+and my near sight contributes to deceive me.  I am everywhere
+intimidated, restrained by some obstacle, and with money in my pocket
+return as I went, for want of resolution to purchase what I long for.
+
+I should enter into the most insipid details was I to relate the trouble,
+shame, repugnance, and inconvenience of all kinds which I have
+experienced in parting with my money, whether in my own person, or by the
+agency of others; as I proceed, the reader will get acquainted with my
+disposition, and perceive all this without my troubling him with the
+recital.
+
+This once comprehended, one of my apparent contradictions will be easily
+accounted for, and the most sordid avarice reconciled with the greatest
+contempt of money.  It is a movable which I consider of so little value,
+that, when destitute of it, I never wish to acquire any; and when I have
+a sum I keep it by me, for want of knowing how to dispose of it to my
+satisfaction; but let an agreeable and convenient opportunity present
+itself, and I empty my purse with the utmost freedom; not that I would
+have the reader imagine I am extravagant from a motive of ostentation,
+quite the reverse; it was ever in subservience to my pleasures, and,
+instead of glorying in expense, I endeavor to conceal it.  I so well
+perceive that money is not made to answer my purposes, that I am almost
+ashamed to have any, and, still more, to make use of it.
+
+Had I ever possessed a moderate independence, I am convinced I should
+have had no propensity to become avaricious.  I should have required no
+more, and cheerfully lived up to my income; but my precarious situation
+has constantly and necessarily kept me in fear.  I love liberty, and I
+loathe constraint, dependence, and all their kindred annoyances.  As long
+as my purse contains money it secures my independence, and exempts me
+from the trouble of seeking other money, a trouble of which I have always
+had a perfect horror; and the dread of seeing the end of my independence,
+makes me proportionately unwilling to part with my money.  The money that
+we possess is the instrument of liberty, that which we lack and strive to
+obtain is the instrument of slavery.  Thence it is that I hold fast to
+aught that I have, and yet covet nothing more.
+
+My disinterestedness, then, is in reality only idleness, the pleasure of
+possessing is not in my estimation worth the trouble of acquiring: and my
+dissipation is only another form of idleness; when we have an opportunity
+of disbursing pleasantly we should make the best possible use of it.
+
+I am less tempted by money than by other objects, because between the
+moment of possessing the money and that of using it to obtain the desired
+object there is always an interval, however short; whereas to possess the
+thing is to enjoy it.  I see a thing and it tempts me; but if I see not
+the thing itself but only the means of acquiring it, I am not tempted.
+Therefore it is that I have been a pilferer, and am so even now, in the
+way of mere trifles to which I take a fancy, and which I find it easier
+to take than to ask for; but I never in my life recollect having taken a
+farthing from any one, except about fifteen years ago, when I stole seven
+francs and ten sous.  The story is worth recounting, as it exhibits a
+concurrence of ignorance and stupidity I should scarcely credit, did it
+relate to any but myself.
+
+It was in Paris: I was walking with M. de Franceul at the Palais Royal;
+he pulled out his watch, he looked at it, and said to me, "Suppose we go
+to the opera?"--"With all my heart."  We go: he takes two box tickets,
+gives me one, and enters himself with the other; I follow, find the door
+crowded; and, looking in, see every one standing; judging, therefore,
+that M. de Franceul might suppose me concealed by the company, I go out,
+ask for my ticket, and, getting the money returned, leave the house,
+without considering, that by then I had reached the door every one would
+be seated, and M. de Franceul might readily perceive I was not there.
+
+As nothing could be more opposite to my natural inclination than this
+abominable meanness, I note it, to show there are moments of delirium
+when men ought not to be judged by their actions: this was not stealing
+the money, it was only stealing the use of it, and was the more infamous
+for wanting the excuse of a temptation.
+
+I should never end these accounts, was I to describe all the gradations
+through which I passed, during my apprenticeship, from the sublimity of a
+hero to the baseness of a villain.  Though I entered into most of the
+vices of my situation, I had no relish for its pleasures; the amusements
+of my companions were displeasing, and when too much restraint had made
+my business wearisome, I had nothing to amuse me.  This renewed my taste
+for reading which had long been neglected.  I thus committed a fresh
+offence, books made me neglect my work, and brought on additional
+punishment, while inclination, strengthened by constraint, became an
+unconquerable passion.  La Tribu, a well-known librarian, furnished me
+with all kinds; good or bad, I perused them with avidity, and without
+discrimination.
+
+It will be said; "at length, then, money became necessary"--true; but
+this happened at a time when a taste for study had deprived me both of
+resolution and activity; totally occupied by this new inclination, I only
+wished to read, I robbed no longer.  This is another of my peculiarities;
+a mere nothing frequently calls me off from what I appear the most
+attached to; I give in to the new idea; it becomes a passion, and
+immediately every former desire is forgotten.
+
+Reading was my new hobby; my heart beat with impatience to run over the
+new book I carried in my pocket; the first moment I was alone, I seized
+the opportunity to draw it out, and thought no longer of rummaging my
+master's closet.  I was even ashamed to think that I had been guilty of
+such meanness; and had my amusements been more expensive, I no longer
+felt an inclination to continue it.  La Tribu gave me credit, and when
+once I had the book in my possession, I thought no more of the trifle I
+was to pay for it; as money came it naturally passed to this woman; and
+when she chanced to be pressing, nothing was so conveniently at hand as
+my own effects; to steal in advance required foresight, and robbing to
+pay was no temptation.
+
+The frequent blows I received from my master, with my private and
+ill-chosen studies, rendered me reserved, unsociable, and almost
+deranged my reason.  Though my taste had not preserved me from silly
+unmeaning books, by good fortune I was a stranger to licentious or
+obscene ones; not that La Tribu (who was very accommodating) had any
+scruple of lending these, on the contrary, to enhance their worth she
+spoke of them with an air of mystery; this produced an effect she had
+not foreseen, for both shame and disgust made me constantly refuse them.
+Chance so well seconded my bashful disposition, that I was past the age
+of thirty before I saw any of those dangerous compositions.
+
+In less than a year I had exhausted La Tribu's scanty library, and was
+unhappy for want of further amusement.  My reading, though frequently
+bad, had worn off my childish follies, and brought back my heart to
+nobler sentiments than my condition had inspired; meantime disgusted with
+all within my reach, and thinking everything charming that was out of it,
+my present situation appeared extremely miserable.  My passions began to
+acquire strength, I felt their influence, without knowing whither they
+would conduct me.  I sometimes, indeed, thought of my former follies, but
+sought no further.
+
+At this time my imagination took a turn which helped to calm my
+increasing emotions; it was, to contemplate those situations in the books
+I had read, which produced the most striking effect on my mind; to
+recall, combine, and apply them to myself in such a manner, as to become
+one of the personages my recollection presented, and be continually in
+those fancied circumstances which were most agreeable to my inclinations;
+in a word, by contriving to place myself in these fictitious situations,
+the idea of my real one was in a great measure obliterated.
+
+This fondness for imaginary objects, and the facility with which I could
+gain possession of them, completed my disgust for everything around me,
+and fixed that inclination for solitude which has ever since been
+predominant.  We shall have more than once occasion to remark the effects
+of a disposition, misanthropic and melancholy in appearance, but which
+proceed, in fact, from a heart too affectionate, too ardent, which, for
+want of similar dispositions, is constrained to content itself with
+nonentities, and be satisfied with fiction.  It is sufficient, at
+present, to have traced the origin of a propensity which has modified my
+passions, set bounds to each, and by giving too much ardor to my wishes,
+has ever rendered me too indolent to obtain them.
+
+Thus I attained my sixteenth year, uneasy, discontented with myself and
+everything that surrounded me; displeased with my occupation; without
+enjoying the pleasures common to my age, weeping without a cause, sighing
+I knew not why, and fond of my chimerical ideas for want of more valuable
+realities.
+
+Every Sunday, after sermon-time, my companions came to fetch me out,
+wishing me to partake of their diversions.  I would willingly have been
+excused, but when once engaged in amusement, I was more animated and
+enterprising than any of them; it was equally difficult to engage or
+restrain me; indeed, this was ever a leading trait in my character.
+In our country walks I was ever foremost, and never thought of returning
+till reminded by some of my companions.  I was twice obliged to be from
+my master's the whole night, the city gates having been shut before I
+could reach them.  The reader may imagine what treatment this procured me
+the following mornings; but I was promised such a reception for the
+third, that I made a firm resolution never to expose myself to the danger
+of it.  Notwithstanding my determination, I repeated this dreaded
+transgression, my vigilance having been rendered useless by a cursed
+captain, named M. Minutoli, who, when on guard, always shut the gate he
+had charge of an hour before the usual time.  I was returning home with
+my two companions, and had got within half a league of the city, when I
+heard them beat the tattoo; I redouble my pace, I run with my utmost
+speed, I approach the bridge, see the soldiers already at their posts, I
+call out to them in a suffocated voice--it is too late; I am twenty paces
+from the guard, the first bridge is already drawn up, and I tremble to
+see those terrible horns advanced in the air which announce the fatal and
+inevitable destiny, which from this moment began to pursue me.
+
+I threw myself on the glacis in a transport of despair, while my
+companions, who only laughed at the accident, immediately determined what
+to do.  My resolution, though different from theirs, was equally sudden;
+on the spot, I swore never to return to my master's, and the next
+morning, when my companions entered the city, I bade them an eternal
+adieu, conjuring them at the same time to inform my cousin Bernard of my
+resolution, and the place where he might see me for the last time.
+
+From the commencement of my apprenticeship I had seldom seen him; at
+first, indeed, we saw each other on Sundays, but each acquiring different
+habits, our meetings were less frequent.  I am persuaded his mother
+contributed greatly towards this change; he was to consider himself as a
+person of consequence, I was a pitiful apprentice; notwithstanding our
+relationship, equality no longer subsisted between us, and it was
+degrading himself to frequent my company.  As he had a natural good heart
+his mother's lessons did not take an immediate effect, and for some time
+he continued to visit me.
+
+Having learned my resolution, he hastened to the spot I had appointed,
+not, however, to dissuade me from it, but to render my flight agreeable,
+by some trifling presents, as my own resources would not have carried me
+far.  He gave me among other things, a small sword, which I was very
+proud of, and took with me as far as Turin, where absolute want
+constrained me to dispose of it.  The more I reflect on his behavior at
+this critical moment, the more I am persuaded he followed the
+instructions of his mother, and perhaps his father likewise: for, had he
+been left to his own feelings, he would have endeavored to retain, or
+have been tempted to accompany me; on the contrary, he encouraged the
+design, and when he saw me resolutely determined to pursue it, without
+seeming much affected, left me to my fate.  We never saw or wrote to each
+other from that time; I cannot but regret this loss, for his heart was
+essentially good, and we seemed formed for a more lasting friendship.
+
+Before I abandon myself to the fatality of my destiny, let me contemplate
+for a moment the prospect that awaited me had I fallen into the hands of
+a better master.  Nothing could have been more agreeable to my
+disposition, or more likely to confer happiness, than the peaceful
+condition of a good artificer, in so respectable a line as engravers are
+considered at Geneva.  I could have obtained an easy subsistence, if not
+a fortune; this would have bounded my ambition; I should have had means
+to indulge in moderate pleasures, and should have continued in my natural
+sphere, without meeting with any temptation to go beyond it.  Having an
+imagination sufficiently fertile to embellish with its chimeras every
+situation, and powerful enough to transport me from one to another, it
+was immaterial in which I was fixed: that was best adapted to me, which,
+requiring the least care or exertion, left the mind most at liberty; and
+this happiness I should have enjoyed.  In my native country, in the bosom
+of my religion, family and friends, I should have passed a calm and
+peaceful life, in the uniformity of a pleasing occupation, and among
+connections dear to my heart.  I should have been a good Christian, a
+good citizen, a good friend, a good man.  I should have relished my
+condition, perhaps have been an honor to it, and after having passed a
+life of happy obscurity, surrounded by my family, I should have died at
+peace.  Soon it may be forgotten, but while remembered it would have been
+with tenderness and regret.
+
+Instead of this--what a picture am I about to draw!--Alas!  why should I
+anticipate the miseries I have endured?  The reader will have but too
+much of the melancholy subject.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau,
+Book I., by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 1
+#1 in our series by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
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+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 1
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+Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
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+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK I.
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+     Introduction--S.W. Orson
+     Book I.
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+Among the notable books of later times-we may say, without exaggeration,
+of all time--must be reckoned The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau.
+It deals with leading personages and transactions of a momentous epoch,
+when absolutism and feudalism were rallying for their last struggle
+against the modern spirit, chiefly represented by Voltaire, the
+Encyclopedists, and Rousseau himself--a struggle to which, after many
+fierce intestine quarrels and sanguinary wars throughout Europe and
+America, has succeeded the prevalence of those more tolerant and rational
+principles by which the statesmen of our own day are actuated.
+
+On these matters, however, it is not our province to enlarge; nor is it
+necessary to furnish any detailed account of our author's political,
+religious, and philosophic axioms and systems, his paradoxes and his
+errors in logic: these have been so long and so exhaustively disputed
+over by contending factions that little is left for even the most
+assiduous gleaner in the field.  The inquirer will find, in Mr. John
+Money's excellent work, the opinions of Rousseau reviewed succinctly and
+impartially.  The 'Contrat Social', the 'Lattres Ecrites de la Montagne',
+and other treatises that once aroused fierce controversy, may therefore
+be left in the repose to which they have long been consigned, so far as
+the mass of mankind is concerned, though they must always form part of
+the library of the politician and the historian.  One prefers to turn to
+the man Rousseau as he paints himself in the remarkable work before us.
+
+That the task which he undertook in offering to show himself--as Persius
+puts it--'Intus et in cute', to posterity, exceeded his powers, is a
+trite criticism; like all human enterprises, his purpose was only
+imperfectly fulfilled; but this circumstance in no way lessens the
+attractive qualities of his book, not only for the student of history or
+psychology, but for the intelligent man of the world.  Its startling
+frankness gives it a peculiar interest wanting in most other
+autobiographies.
+
+Many censors have elected to sit in judgment on the failings of this
+strangely constituted being, and some have pronounced upon him very
+severe sentences.  Let it be said once for all that his faults and
+mistakes were generally due to causes over which he had but little
+control, such as a defective education, a too acute sensitiveness, which
+engendered suspicion of his fellows, irresolution, an overstrained sense
+of honour and independence, and an obstinate refusal to take advice from
+those who really wished to befriend him; nor should it be forgotten that
+he was afflicted during the greater part of his life with an incurable
+disease.
+
+Lord Byron had a soul near akin to Rousseau's, whose writings naturally
+made a deep impression on the poet's mind, and probably had an influence
+on his conduct and modes of thought: In some stanzas of 'Childe Harold'
+this sympathy is expressed with truth and power; especially is the
+weakness of the Swiss philosopher's character summed up in the following
+admirable lines:
+
+         "Here the self-torturing sophist, wild Rousseau,
+          The apostle of affliction, he who threw
+          Enchantment over passion, and from woe
+          Wrung overwhelming eloquence, first drew
+          The breath which made him wretched; yet he knew
+          How to make madness beautiful, and cast
+          O'er erring deeds and thoughts a heavenly hue
+          Of words, like sunbeams, dazzling as they passed
+          The eyes, which o'er them shed tears feelingly and fast.
+
+         "His life was one long war with self-sought foes,
+          Or friends by him self-banished; for his mind
+          Had grown Suspicion's sanctuary, and chose,
+          For its own cruel sacrifice, the kind,
+          'Gainst whom he raged with fury strange and blind.
+          But he was frenzied,-wherefore, who may know?
+          Since cause might be which skill could never find;
+          But he was frenzied by disease or woe
+          To that worst pitch of all, which wears a reasoning show."
+
+One would rather, however, dwell on the brighter hues of the picture than
+on its shadows and blemishes; let us not, then, seek to "draw his
+frailties from their dread abode."  His greatest fault was his
+renunciation of a father's duty to his offspring; but this crime he
+expiated by a long and bitter repentance.  We cannot, perhaps, very
+readily excuse the way in which he has occasionally treated the memory of
+his mistress and benefactress.  That he loved Madame de Warens--his
+'Mamma'--deeply and sincerely is undeniable, notwithstanding which he now
+and then dwells on her improvidence and her feminine indiscretions with
+an unnecessary and unbecoming lack of delicacy that has an unpleasant
+effect on the reader, almost seeming to justify the remark of one of his
+most lenient critics--that, after all, Rousseau had the soul of a lackey.
+He possessed, however, many amiable and charming qualities, both as a man
+and a writer, which were evident to those amidst whom he lived, and will
+be equally so to the unprejudiced reader of the Confessions.  He had a
+profound sense of justice and a real desire for the improvement and
+advancement of the race.  Owing to these excellences he was beloved to
+the last even by persons whom he tried to repel, looking upon them as
+members of a band of conspirators, bent upon destroying his domestic
+peace and depriving him of the means of subsistence.
+
+Those of his writings that are most nearly allied in tone and spirit to
+the 'Confessions' are the 'Reveries d'un Promeneur Solitaire' and
+'La Nouvelle Heloise'.  His correspondence throws much light on his life
+and character, as do also parts of 'Emile'.  It is not easy in our day to
+realize the effect wrought upon the public mind by the advent of
+'La Nouvelle Heloise'.  Julie and Saint-Preux became names to conjure
+with; their ill-starred amours were everywhere sighed and wept over by
+the tender-hearted fair; indeed, in composing this work, Rousseau may be
+said to have done for Switzerland what the author of the Waverly Novels
+did for Scotland, turning its mountains, lakes and islands, formerly
+regarded with aversion, into a fairyland peopled with creatures whose
+joys and sorrows appealed irresistibly to every breast.  Shortly after
+its publication began to flow that stream of tourists and travellers
+which tends to make Switzerland not only more celebrated but more opulent
+every year.  It, is one of the few romances written in the epistolary
+form that do not oppress the reader with a sense of languor and
+unreality; for its creator poured into its pages a tide of passion
+unknown to his frigid and stilted predecessors, and dared to depict
+Nature as she really is, not as she was misrepresented by the modish
+authors and artists of the age.  Some persons seem shy of owning an
+acquaintance with this work; indeed, it has been made the butt of
+ridicule by the disciples of a decadent school.  Its faults and its
+beauties are on the surface; Rousseau's own estimate is freely expressed
+at the beginning of the eleventh book of the Confessions and elsewhere.
+It might be wished that the preface had been differently conceived and
+worded; for the assertion made therein that the book may prove dangerous
+has caused it to be inscribed on a sort of Index, and good folk who never
+read a line of it blush at its name.  Its "sensibility," too, is a little
+overdone, and has supplied the wits with opportunities for satire; for
+example, Canning, in his 'New Morality':
+
+              "Sweet Sensibility, who dwells enshrined
+               In the fine foldins of the feeling mind....
+               Sweet child of sickly Fancy!-her of yore
+               From her loved France Rousseau to exile bore;
+               And while 'midst lakes and mountains wild he ran,
+               Full of himself, and shunned the haunts of man,
+               Taught her o'er each lone vale and Alpine, steep
+               To lisp the story of his wrongs and weep."
+
+As might be imagined, Voltaire had slight sympathy with our social
+reformer's notions and ways of promulgating them, and accordingly took
+up his wonted weapons--sarcasm and ridicule--against poor Jean-Jacques.
+The quarrels of these two great men cannot be described in this place;
+but they constitute an important chapter in the literary and social
+history of the time.  In the work with which we are immediately
+concerned, the author seems to avoid frequent mention of Voltaire, even
+where we should most expect it.  However, the state of his mind when he
+penned this record of his life should be always remembered in relation to
+this as well as other occurrences.
+
+Rousseau had intended to bring his autobiography down to a later date,
+but obvious causes prevented this: hence it is believed that a summary of
+the chief events that marked his closing years will not be out of place
+here.
+
+On quitting the Ile de Saint-Pierre he travelled to Strasbourg, where he
+was warmly received, and thence to Paris, arriving in that city on
+December I6, 1765.  The Prince de Conti provided him with a lodging in
+the Hotel Saint-Simon, within the precincts of the Temple--a place of
+sanctuary for those under the ban of authority.  'Every one was eager to
+see the illustrious proscript, who complained of being made a daily show,
+"like Sancho Panza in his island of Barataria."  During his short stay in
+the capital there was circulated an ironical letter purporting to come
+from the Great Frederick, but really written by Horace Walpole.  This
+cruel, clumsy, and ill-timed joke angered Rousseau, who ascribed it to,
+Voltaire.  A few sentences may be quoted:
+
+     "My Dear Jean-Jacques,--You have renounced Geneva, your native
+     place.  You have caused your expulsion from Switzerland, a country
+     so extolled in your writings; France has issued a warrant against
+     you: so do you come to me.  My states offer you a peaceful retreat.
+     I wish you well, and will treat you well, if you will let me.  But,
+     if you persist in refusing my help, do not reckon upon my telling
+     any one that you did so.  If you are bent on tormenting your spirit
+     to find new misfortunes, choose whatever you like best.  I am a
+     king, and can procure them for you at your pleasure; and, what will
+     certainly never happen to you in respect of your enemies, I will
+     cease to persecute you as soon as you cease to take a pride in being
+     persecuted.  Your good friend,
+                                             "FREDERICK."
+
+
+Early in 1766 David Hume persuaded Rousseau to go with him to England,
+where the exile could find a secure shelter.  In London his appearance
+excited general attention.  Edmund Burke had an interview with him and
+held that inordinate vanity was the leading trait in his character.
+Mr. Davenport, to whom he was introduced by Hume, generously offered
+Rousseau a home at Wootton, in Staffordshire, near the, Peak Country; the
+latter, however, would only accept the offer on condition that he should
+pay a rent of L 30 a year.  He was accorded a pension of L 100 by George
+III., but declined to draw after the first annual payment.  The climate
+and scenery of Wootton being similar to those of his native country, he
+was at first delighted with his new abode, where he lived with Therese,
+and devoted his time to herborising and inditing the first six books of
+his Confessions.  Soon, however, his old hallucinations acquired
+strength, and Rousseau convinced himself that enemies were bent upon his
+capture, if not his death.  In June, 1766, he wrote a violent letter to
+Hume, calling him "one of the worst of men."  Literary Paris had combined
+with Hume and the English Government to surround him--as he supposed--
+with guards and spies; he revolved in his troubled mind all the reports
+and rumours he had heard for months and years; Walpole's forged letter
+rankled in his bosom; and in the spring of 1767 he fled; first to
+Spalding, in Lincolnshire, and subsequently to Calais, where he landed in
+May.
+
+On his arrival in France his restless and wandering disposition forced
+him continually to change his residence, and acquired for him the title
+of "Voyageur Perpetuel."  While at Trye, in Gisors, in 1767--8, he wrote
+the second part of the Confessions.  He had assumed the surname of Renou,
+and about this time he declared before two witnesses that Therese was his
+wife--a proceeding to which he attached the sanctity of marriage.  In
+1770 he took up his abode in Paris, where he lived continuously for seven
+years, in a street which now bears his name, and gained a living by
+copying music.  Bernardin de Saint-Pierre, the author of 'Paul and
+Virginia', who became acquainted with him in 1772, has left some
+interesting particulars of Rousseau's daily mode of life at this period.
+Monsieur de Girardin having offered him an asylum at Ermemonville in the
+spring of 1778, he and Therese went thither to reside, but for no long
+time.  On the 3d of July, in the same year, this perturbed spirit at last
+found rest, stricken by apoplexy.  A rumor that he had committed suicide
+was circulated, but the evidence of trustworthy witnesses, including a
+physician, effectually contradicts this accusation.  His remains, first
+interred in the Ile des Peupliers, were, after the Revolution, removed to
+the Pantheon.  In later times the Government of Geneva made some
+reparation for their harsh treatment of a famous citizen, and erected his
+statue, modelled by his compatriot, Pradier, on an island in the Rhone.
+
+              "See nations, slowly wise and meanly just,
+               To buried merit raise the tardy bust."
+
+November, 1896.
+                                             S. W. ORSON.
+
+
+
+
+
+                             THE CONFESSIONS
+
+                                    OF
+
+                              J. J. ROUSSEAU
+
+
+BOOK I.
+
+I have entered upon a performance which is without example, whose
+accomplishment will have no imitator.  I mean to present my fellow-
+mortals with a man in all the integrity of nature; and this man shall be
+myself.
+
+I know my heart, and have studied mankind; I am not made like any one I
+have been acquainted with, perhaps like no one in existence; if not
+better, I at least claim originality, and whether Nature did wisely in
+breaking the mould with which she formed me, can only be determined after
+having read this work.
+
+Whenever the last trumpet shall sound, I will present myself before the
+sovereign judge with this book in my hand, and loudly proclaim, thus have
+I acted; these were my thoughts; such was I.  With equal freedom and
+veracity have I related what was laudable or wicked, I have concealed no
+crimes, added no virtues; and if I have sometimes introduced superfluous
+ornament, it was merely to occupy a void occasioned by defect of memory:
+I may have supposed that certain, which I only knew to be probable, but
+have never asserted as truth, a conscious falsehood.  Such as I was, I
+have declared myself; sometimes vile and despicable, at others, virtuous,
+generous and sublime; even as thou hast read my inmost soul: Power
+eternal! assemble round thy throne an innumerable throng of my fellow-
+mortals, let them listen to my confessions, let them blush at my
+depravity, let them tremble at my sufferings; let each in his turn expose
+with equal sincerity the failings, the wanderings of his heart, and, if
+he dare, aver, I was better than that man.
+
+I was born at Geneva, in 1712, son of Isaac Rousseau and Susannah
+Bernard, citizens.  My father's share of a moderate competency, which was
+divided among fifteen children, being very trivial, his business of a
+watchmaker (in which he had the reputation of great ingenuity) was his
+only dependence.  My mother's circumstances were more affluent; she was
+daughter of a Mons. Bernard, minister, and possessed a considerable share
+of modesty and beauty; indeed, my father found some difficulty in
+obtaining her hand.
+
+The affection they entertained for each other was almost as early as
+their existence; at eight or nine years old they walked together every
+evening on the banks of the Treille, and before they were ten, could not
+support the idea of separation.  A natural sympathy of soul confined
+those sentiments of predilection which habit at first produced; born with
+minds susceptible of the most exquisite sensibility and tenderness, it
+was only necessary to encounter similar dispositions; that moment
+fortunately presented itself, and each surrendered a willing heart.
+
+The obstacles that opposed served only to give a decree of vivacity to
+their affection, and the young lover, not being able to obtain his
+mistress, was overwhelmed with sorrow and despair.  She advised him to
+travel--to forget her.  He consented--he travelled, but returned more
+passionate than ever, and had the happiness to find her equally constant,
+equally tender.  After this proof of mutual affection, what could they
+resolve?--to dedicate their future lives to love! the resolution was
+ratified with a vow, on which Heaven shed its benediction.
+
+Fortunately, my mother's brother, Gabriel Bernard, fell in love with one
+of my father's sisters; she had no objection to the match, but made the
+marriage of his sister with her brother an indispensable preliminary.
+Love soon removed every obstacle, and the two weddings were celebrated
+the same day: thus my uncle became the husband of my aunt, and their
+children were doubly cousins german.  Before a year was expired, both had
+the happiness to become fathers, but were soon after obliged to submit to
+a separation.
+
+My uncle Bernard, who was an engineer, went to serve in the empire and
+Hungary, under Prince Eugene, and distinguished himself both at the siege
+and battle of Belgrade.  My father, after the birth of my only brother,
+set off, on recommendation, for Constantinople, and was appointed
+watchmaker to the Seraglio.  During his absence, the beauty, wit, and
+accomplishments--
+
+     [They were too brilliant for her situation, the minister, her
+     father, having bestowed great pains on her education.  She was aught
+     drawing, singing, and to play on the theorbo; had learning, and
+     wrote very agreeable verses.  The following is an extempore piece
+     which she composed in the absence of her husband and brother, in a
+     conversation with some person relative to them, while walking with
+     her sister--in--law, and their two children:
+
+                    Ces deux messieurs, qui sont absens,
+                    Nous sont chers e bien des manieres;
+                    Ce sont nos amiss, nos amans,
+                    Ce sont nos maris et nos freres,
+                    Et les peres de ces enfans.
+
+                    These absent ones, who just claim
+                    Our hearts, by every tender name,
+                    To whom each wish extends
+                    Our husbands and our brothers are,
+                    The fathers of this blooming pair,
+                    Our lovers and our friends.]
+
+of my mother attracted a number of admirers, among whom Mons. de la
+Closure, Resident of France, was the most assiduous in his attentions.
+His passion must have been extremely violent, since after a period of
+thirty years I have seen him affected at the very mention of her name.
+My mother had a defence more powerful even than her virtue; she tenderly
+loved my father, and conjured him to return; his inclination seconding
+his request, he gave up every prospect of emolument, and hastened to
+Geneva.
+
+I was the unfortunate fruit of this return, being born ten months after,
+in a very weakly and infirm state; my birth cost my mother her life, and
+was the first of my misfortunes.  I am ignorant how my father supported
+her loss at that time, but I know he was ever after inconsolable.  In me
+he still thought he saw her he so tenderly lamented, but could never
+forget I had been the innocent cause of his misfortune, nor did he ever
+embrace me, but his sighs, the convulsive pressure of his arms, witnessed
+that a bitter regret mingled itself with his caresses, though, as may be
+supposed, they were not on this account less ardent.  When he said to me,
+"Jean Jacques, let us talk of your mother," my usual reply was, "Yes,
+father, but then, you know, we shall cry," and immediately the tears
+started from his eyes.  "Ah!" exclaimed he, with agitation, "Give me back
+my wife; at least console me for her loss; fill up, dear boy, the void
+she has left in my soul.  Could I love thee thus wert thou only my son?"
+Forty years after this loss he expired in the arms of his second wife,
+but the name of the first still vibrated on his lips, still was her image
+engraved on his heart.
+
+Such were the authors of my being: of all the gifts it had pleased Heaven
+to bestow on them, a feeling heart was the only one that descended to me;
+this had been the source of their felicity, it was the foundation of all
+my misfortunes.
+
+I came into the world with so few signs of life, that they entertained
+but little hope of preserving me, with the seeds of a disorder that has
+gathered strength with years, and from which I am now relieved at
+intervals, only to suffer a different, though more intolerable evil.
+I owed my preservation to one of my father's sisters, an amiable and
+virtuous girl, who took the most tender care of me; she is yet living,
+nursing, at the age of four--score, a husband younger than herself, but
+worn out with excessive drinking.  Dear aunt!  I freely forgive your
+having preserved my life, and only lament that it is not in my power to
+bestow on the decline of your days the tender solicitude and care you
+lavished on the first dawn of mine.  My nurse, Jaqueline, is likewise
+living: and in good health--the hands that opened my eyes to the light of
+this world may close them at my death.  We suffer before we think; it is
+the common lot of humanity.  I experienced more than my proportion of it.
+I have no knowledge of what passed prior to my fifth or sixth year; I
+recollect nothing of learning to read, I only remember what effect the
+first considerable exercise of it produced on my mind; and from that
+moment I date an uninterrupted knowledge of myself.
+
+Every night, after supper, we read some part of a small collection of
+romances which had been my mother's.  My father's design was only to
+improve me in reading, and he thought these entertaining works were
+calculated to give me a fondness for it; but we soon found ourselves so
+interested in the adventures they contained, that we alternately read
+whole nights together, and could not bear to give over until at the
+conclusion of a volume.  Sometimes, in a morning, on hearing the swallows
+at our window, my father, quite ashamed of this weakness, would cry,
+"Come, come, let us go to bed; I am more a child than thou art."
+
+I soon acquired, by this dangerous custom, not only an extreme facility
+in reading and comprehending, but, for my age, a too intimate
+acquaintance with the passions.  An infinity of sensations were familiar
+to me, without possessing any precise idea of the objects to which they
+related--I had conceived nothing--I had felt the whole.  This confused
+succession of emotions did not retard the future efforts of my reason,
+though they added an extravagant, romantic notion of human life, which
+experience and reflection have never been able to eradicate.
+
+My romance reading concluded with the summer of 1719, the following
+winter was differently employed.  My mother's library being quite
+exhausted, we had recourse to that part of her father's which had
+devolved to us; here we happily found some valuable books, which was by
+no means extraordinary, having been selected by a minister that truly
+deserved that title, in whom learning (which was the rage of the times)
+was but a secondary commendation, his taste and good sense being most
+conspicuous.  The history of the Church and Empire by Le Sueur,
+Bossuett's Discourses on Universal History, Plutarch's Lives, the history
+of Venice by Nani, Ovid's Metamorphoses, La Bruyere, Fontenelle's World,
+his Dialogues of the Dead, and a few volumes of Moliere, were soon ranged
+in my father's closet, where, during the hours he was employed in his
+business, I daily read them, with an avidity and taste uncommon, perhaps
+unprecedented at my age.
+
+Plutarch presently became my greatest favorite.  The satisfaction I
+derived from repeated readings I gave this author, extinguished my
+passion for romances, and I shortly preferred Agesilaus, Brutus, and
+Aristides, to Orondates, Artemenes, and Juba.  These interesting
+studies, seconded by the conversations they frequently occasioned with my
+father, produced that republican spirit and love of liberty, that haughty
+and invincible turn of mind, which rendered me impatient of restraint or
+servitude, and became the torment of my life, as I continually found
+myself in situations incompatible with these sentiments.  Incessantly
+occupied with Rome and Athens, conversing, if I may so express myself
+with their illustrious heroes; born the citizen of a republic, of a
+father whose ruling passion was a love of his country, I was fired with
+these examples; could fancy myself a Greek or Roman, and readily give
+into the character of the personage whose life I read; transported by the
+recital of any extraordinary instance of fortitude or intrepidity,
+animation flashed from my eyes, and gave my voice additional strength and
+energy.  One day, at table, while relating the fortitude of Scoevola,
+they were terrified at seeing me start from my seat and hold my hand over
+a hot chafing--dish, to represent more forcibly the action of that
+determined Roman.
+
+My brother, who was seven years older than myself, was brought up to my
+father's profession.  The extraordinary affection they lavished on me
+might be the reason he was too much neglected: this certainly was a fault
+which cannot be justified.  His education and morals suffered by this
+neglect, and he acquired the habits of a libertine before he arrived at
+an age to be really one.  My father tried what effect placing him with a
+master would produce, but he still persisted in the same ill conduct.
+Though I saw him so seldom that it could hardly be said we were
+acquainted.  I loved him tenderly, and believe he had as strong an
+affection for me as a youth of his dissipated turn of mind could be
+supposed capable of.  One day, I remember, when my father was correcting
+him severely, I threw myself between them, embracing my brother, whom I
+covered with my body, receiving the strokes designed for him; I persisted
+so obstinately in my protection, that either softened by my cries and
+tears, or fearing to hurt me most, his anger subsided, and he pardoned
+his fault.  In the end, my brother's conduct became so bad that he
+suddenly disappeared, and we learned some time after that he was in
+Germany, but he never wrote to us, and from that day we heard no news of
+him: thus I became an only son.
+
+If this poor lad was neglected, it was quite different with his brother,
+for the children of a king could not be treated with more attention and
+tenderness than were bestowed on my infancy, being the darling of the
+family; and what is rather uncommon, though treated as a beloved, never
+a spoiled child; was never permitted, while under paternal inspection,
+to play in the street with other children; never had any occasion to
+contradict or indulge those fantastical humors which are usually
+attributed to nature, but are in reality the effects of an injudicious
+education.  I had the faults common to my age, was talkative, a glutton,
+and sometimes a liar, made no scruple of stealing sweetmeats, fruits,
+or, indeed, any kind of eatables; but never took delight in mischievous
+waste, in accusing others, or tormenting harmless animals.  I recollect,
+indeed, that one day, while Madam Clot, a neighbor of ours, was gone to
+church, I made water in her kettle: the remembrance even now makes me
+smile, for Madame Clot (though, if you please, a good sort of creature)
+was one of the most tedious grumbling old women I ever knew.  Thus have I
+given a brief, but faithful, history of my childish transgressions.
+
+How could I become cruel or vicious, when I had before my eyes only
+examples of mildness, and was surrounded by some of the best people in
+the world?  My father, my aunt, my nurse, my relations, our friends, our
+neighbors, all I had any connection with, did not obey me, it is true,
+but loved me tenderly, and I returned their affection.  I found so little
+to excite my desires, and those I had were so seldom contradicted, that I
+was hardly sensible of possessing any, and can solemnly aver I was an
+absolute stranger to caprice until after I had experienced the authority
+of a master.
+
+Those hours that were not employed in reading or writing with my father,
+or walking with my governess, Jaqueline, I spent with my aunt; and
+whether seeing her embroider, or hearing her sing, whether sitting or
+standing by her side, I was ever happy.  Her tenderness and unaffected
+gayety, the charms of her figure and countenance have left such indelible
+impressions on my mind, that her manner, look, and attitude are still
+before my eyes; I recollect a thousand little caressing questions; could
+describe her clothes, her head-dress, nor have the two curls of fine
+black hair which hung on her temples, according to the mode of that time,
+escaped my memory.
+
+Though my taste, or rather passion, for music, did not show itself until
+a considerable time after, I am fully persuaded it is to her I am
+indebted for it.  She knew a great number of songs, which she sung with
+great sweetness and melody.  The serenity and cheerfulness which were
+conspicuous in this lovely girl, banished melancholy, and made all round
+her happy.
+
+The charms of her voice had such an effect on me, that not only several
+of her songs have ever since remained on my memory, but some I have not
+thought of from my infancy, as I grow old, return upon my mind with a
+charm altogether inexpressible.  Would any one believe that an old dotard
+like me, worn out with care and infirmity, should sometime surprise
+himself weeping like a child, and in a voice querulous, and broken by
+age, muttering out one of those airs which were the favorites of my
+infancy?  There is one song in particular, whose tune I perfectly
+recollect, but the words that compose the latter half of it constantly
+refuse every effort to recall them, though I have a confused idea of the
+rhymes.  The beginning, with what I have been able to recollect of the
+remainder, is as follows:
+
+                    Tircis, je n'ose
+                    Ecouter ton Chalumeau
+                    Sous l'Ormeau;
+                    Car on en cause
+                    Deja dans notre hameau.
+                    ----   ---- -------
+                    ------ --- un Berger
+                    s'engager
+                    sans danger,
+                    Et toujours l'epine est sons la rose.
+
+
+I have endeavored to account for the invincible charm my heart feels on
+the recollection of this fragment, but it is altogether inexplicable.
+I only know, that before I get to the end of it, I always find my voice
+interrupted by tenderness, and my eyes suffused with tears.  I have a
+hundred times formed the resolution of writing to Paris for the remainder
+of these words, if any one should chance to know them: but I am almost
+certain the pleasure I take in the recollection would be greatly
+diminished was I assured any one but my poor aunt Susan had sung them.
+
+Such were my affections on entering this life.  Thus began to form and
+demonstrate itself, a heart, at once haughty and tender, a character
+effeminate, yet invincible; which, fluctuating between weakness and
+courage, luxury and virtue, has ever set me in contradiction to myself;
+causing abstinence and enjoyment, pleasure and prudence, equally to shun
+me.
+
+This course of education was interrupted by an accident, whose
+consequences influenced the rest of my life.  My father had a quarrel
+with M. G----, who had a captain's commission in France, and was related
+to several of the Council.  This G----, who was an insolent, ungenerous
+man, happening to bleed at the nose, in order to be revenged, accused my
+father of having drawn his sword on him in the city, and in consequence
+of this charge they were about to conduct him to prison.  He insisted
+(according to the law of this republic) that the accuser should be
+confined at the same time; and not being able to obtain this, preferred a
+voluntary banishment for the remainder of his life, to giving up a point
+by which he must sacrifice his honor and liberty.
+
+I remained under the tuition of my uncle Bernard, who was at that time
+employed in the fortifications of Geneva.  He had lost his eldest
+daughter, but had a son about my own age, and we were sent together to
+Bossey, to board with the Minister Lambercier.  Here we were to learn
+Latin, with all the insignificant trash that has obtained the name of
+education.
+
+Two years spent in this village softened, in some degree, my Roman
+fierceness, and again reduced me to a state of childhood.  At Geneva,
+where nothing was exacted, I loved reading, which was, indeed, my
+principal amusement; but, at Bossey, where application was expected,
+I was fond of play as a relaxation.  The country was so new, so charming
+in my idea, that it seemed impossible to find satiety in its enjoyments,
+and I conceived a passion for rural life, which time has not been able to
+extinguish; nor have I ever ceased to regret the pure and tranquil
+pleasures I enjoyed at this place in my childhood; the remembrance having
+followed me through every age, even to that in which I am hastening again
+towards it.
+
+M. Lambercier was a worthy, sensible man, who, without neglecting our
+instruction, never made our acquisitions burthensome, or tasks tedious.
+What convinces me of the rectitude of his method is, that notwithstanding
+my extreme aversion to restraint, the recollection of my studies is never
+attended with disgust; and, if my improvement was trivial, it was
+obtained with ease, and has never escaped memory.
+
+The simplicity of this rural life was of infinite advantage in opening my
+heart to the reception of true friendship.  The sentiments I had hitherto
+formed on this subject were extremely elevated, but altogether imaginary.
+The habit of living in this peaceful manner soon united me tenderly to my
+cousin Bernard; my affection was more ardent than that I had felt for my
+brother, nor has time ever been able to efface it.  He was a tall, lank,
+weakly boy, with a mind as mild as his body was feeble, and who did not
+wrong the good opinion they were disposed to entertain for the son of my
+guardian.  Our studies, amusements, and tasks, were the same; we were
+alone; each wanted a playmate; to separate would in some measure, have
+been to annihilate us.  Though we had not many opportunities of
+demonstrating our attachment to each other, it was certainly extreme; and
+so far from enduring the thought of separation, we could not even form an
+idea that we should ever be able to submit to it.  Each of a disposition
+to be won by kindness, and complaisant, when not soured by contradiction,
+we agreed in every particular.  If, by the favor of those who governed us
+he had the ascendant while in their presence, I was sure to acquire it
+when we were alone, and this preserved the equilibrium so necessary in
+friendship.  If he hesitated in repeating his task, I prompted him; when
+my exercises were finished, I helped to write his; and, in our
+amusements, my disposition being most active, ever had the lead.  In a
+word, our characters accorded so well, and the friendship that subsisted
+between us was so cordial, that during the five years we were at Bossey
+and Geneva we were inseparable: we often fought, it is true, but there
+never was any occasion to separate us.  No one of our quarrels lasted
+more than a quarter of an hour, and never in our lives did we make any
+complaint of each other.  It may be said, these remarks are frivolous;
+but, perhaps, a similiar example among children can hardly be produced.
+
+The manner in which I passed my time at Bossey was so agreeable to my
+disposition, that it only required a longer duration absolutely to have
+fixed my character, which would have had only peaceable, affectionate,
+benevolent sentiments for its basis.  I believe no individual of our kind
+ever possessed less natural vanity than myself.  At intervals, by an
+extraordinary effort, I arrived at sublime ideas, but presently sunk
+again into my original languor.  To be loved by every one who knew me was
+my most ardent wish.  I was naturally mild, my cousin was equally so, and
+those who had the care of us were of similiar dispositions.  Everything
+contributed to strengthen those propensities which nature had implanted
+in my breast, and during the two years I was neither the victim nor
+witness of any violent emotions.
+
+I knew nothing so delightful as to see every one content, not only with
+me, but all that concerned them.  When repeating our catechism at church,
+nothing could give me greater vexation, on being obliged to hesitate,
+than to see Miss Lambercier's countenance express disapprobation and
+uneasiness.  This alone was more afflicting to me than the shame of
+faltering before so many witnesses, which, notwithstanding, was
+sufficiently painful; for though not oversolicitous of praise, I was
+feelingly alive to shame; yet I can truly affirm, the dread of being
+reprimanded by Miss Lambercier alarmed me less than the thought of making
+her uneasy.
+
+Neither she nor her brother were deficient in a reasonable severity, but
+as this was scarce ever exerted without just cause, I was more afflicted
+at their disapprobation than the punishment.  Certainly the method of
+treating youth would be altered if the distant effects, this
+indiscriminate, and frequently indiscreet method produces, were more
+conspicuous.  I would willingly excuse myself from a further explanation,
+did not the lesson this example conveys (which points out an evil as
+frequent as it is pernicious) forbid my silence.
+
+As Miss Lambercier felt a mother's affection, she sometimes exerted a
+mother's authority, even to inflicting on us when we deserved it, the
+punishment of infants.  She had often threatened it, and this threat of a
+treatment entirely new, appeared to me extremely dreadful; but I found
+the reality much less terrible than the idea, and what is still more
+unaccountable, this punishment increased my affection for the person who
+had inflicted it.  All this affection, aided by my natural mildness, was
+scarcely sufficient to prevent my seeking, by fresh offences, a return of
+the same chastisement; for a degree of sensuality had mingled with the
+smart and shame, which left more desire than fear of a repetition.  I was
+well convinced the same discipline from her brother would have produced a
+quite contrary effect; but from a man of his disposition this was not
+probable, and if I abstained from meriting correction it was merely from
+a fear of offending Miss Lambercier, for benevolence, aided by the
+passions, has ever maintained an empire over me which has given law to my
+heart.
+
+This event, which, though desirable, I had not endeavored to accelerate,
+arrived without my fault; I should say, without my seeking; and I
+profited by it with a safe conscience; but this second, was also the last
+time, for Miss Lambercier, who doubtless had some reason to imagine this
+chastisement did not produce the desired effect, declared it was too
+fatiguing, and that she renounced it for the future.  Till now we had
+slept in her chamber, and during the winter, even in her bed; but two
+days after another room was prepared for us, and from that moment I had
+the honor (which I could very well have dispensed with) of being treated
+by her as a great boy.
+
+Who would believe this childish discipline, received at eight years old,
+from the hands of a woman of thirty, should influence my propensities,
+my desires, my passions, for the rest of my life, and that in quite a
+contrary sense from what might naturally have been expected?  The very
+incident that inflamed my senses, gave my desires such an extraordinary
+turn, that, confined to what I had already experienced, I sought no
+further, and, with blood boiling with sensuality, almost from my birth,
+preserved my purity beyond the age when the coldest constitutions lose
+their insensibility; long tormented, without knowing by what, I gazed on
+every handsome woman with delight; imagination incessantly brought their
+charms to my remembrance, only to transform them into so many Miss
+Lamberciers.
+
+If ever education was perfectly chaste, it was certainly that I received;
+my three aunts were not only of exemplary prudence, but maintained a
+degree of modest reserve which women have long since thought unnecessary.
+My father, it is true, loved pleasure, but his gallantry was rather of
+the last than the present century, and he never expressed his affection
+for any woman he regarded in terms a virgin could have blushed at;
+indeed, it was impossible more attention should be paid to that regard we
+owe the morals of children than was uniformly observed by every one I had
+any concern with.  An equal degree of reserve in this particular was
+observed at M. Lambercier's, where a good maid-servant was discharged for
+having once made use of an expression before us which was thought to
+contain some degree of indelicacy.  I had no precise idea of the ultimate
+effect of the passions, but the conception I had formed was extremely
+disgusting; I entertained a particular aversion for courtesans, nor could
+I look on a rake without a degree of disdain mingled with terror.
+
+These prejudices of education, proper in themselves to retard the first
+explosions of a combustible constitution, were strengthened, as I have
+already hinted, by the effect the first moments of sensuality produced in
+me, for notwithstanding the troublesome ebullition of my blood, I was
+satisfied with the species of voluptuousness I had already been
+acquainted with, and sought no further.
+
+Thus I passed the age of puberty, with a constitution extremely ardent,
+without knowing or even wishing for any other gratification of the
+passions than what Miss Lambercier had innocently given me an idea of;
+and when I became a man, that childish taste, instead of vanishing, only
+associated with the other.  This folly, joined to a natural timidity, has
+always prevented my being very enterprising with women, so that I have
+passed my days in languishing in silence for those I most admired,
+without daring to disclose my wishes.
+
+To fall at the feet of an imperious mistress, obey her mandates, or
+implore pardon, were for me the most exquisite enjoyments, and the more
+my blood was inflamed by the efforts of a lively imagination the more I
+acquired the appearance of a whining lover.
+
+It will be readily conceived that this mode of making love is not
+attended with a rapid progress or imminent danger to the virtue of its
+object; yet, though I have few favors to boast of, I have not been
+excluded from enjoyment, however imaginary.  Thus the senses, in
+concurrence with a mind equally timid and romantic, have preserved my
+moral chaste, and feelings uncorrupted, with precisely the same
+inclinations, which, seconded with a moderate portion of effrontery,
+might have plunged me into the most unwarrantable excesses.
+
+I have made the first, most difficult step, in the obscure and painful
+maze of my Confessions.  We never feel so great a degree of repugnance in
+divulging what is really criminal, as what is merely ridiculous.  I am
+now assured of my resolution, for after what I have dared disclose,
+nothing can have power to deter me.  The difficulty attending these
+acknowledgments will be readily conceived, when I declare, that during
+the whole of my life, though frequently laboring under the most violent
+agitation, being hurried away with the impetuosity of a passion which
+(when in company with those I loved) deprived me of the faculty of sight
+and hearing, I could never, in the course of the most unbounded
+familiarity, acquire sufficient resolution to declare my folly, and
+implore the only favor that remained to bestow.
+
+In thus investigating the first traces of my sensible existence, I find
+elements, which, though seemingly incompatible, have united to produce a
+simple and uniform effect; while others, apparently the same, have, by
+the concurrence of certain circumstances, formed such different
+combinations, that it would never be imagined they had any affinity; who
+would believe, for example, that one of the most vigorous springs of my
+soul was tempered in the identical source from whence luxury and ease
+mingled with my constitution and circulated in my veins?  Before I quit
+this subject, I will add a striking instance of the different effects
+they produced.
+
+One day, while I was studying in a chamber contiguous to the kitchen, the
+maid set some of Miss Lambercier's combs to dry by the fire, and on
+coming to fetch them some time after, was surprised to find the teeth of
+one of them broken off.  Who could be suspected of this mischief?  No one
+but myself had entered the room: I was questioned, but denied having any
+knowledge of it.  Mr. and Miss Lambercier consult, exhort, threaten, but
+all to no purpose; I obstinately persist in the denial; and, though this
+was the first time I had been detected in a confirmed falsehood,
+appearances were so strong that they overthrew all my protestations.
+This affair was thought serious; the mischief, the lie, the obstinacy,
+were considered equally deserving of punishment, which was not now to be
+administered by Miss Lambercier.  My uncle Bernard was written to; he
+arrived; and my poor cousin being charged with a crime no less serious,
+we were conducted to the same execution, which was inflicted with great
+severity.  If finding a remedy in the evil itself, they had sought ever
+to allay my depraved desires, they could not have chosen a shorter method
+to accomplish their designs, and, I can assure my readers, I was for a
+long time freed from the dominion of them.
+
+As this severity could not draw from me the expected acknowledgment,
+which obstinacy brought on several repetitions, and reduced me to a
+deplorable situation, yet I was immovable, and resolutely determined to
+suffer death rather than submit.  Force, at length, was obliged to yield
+to the diabolical infatuation of a child, for no better name was bestowed
+on my constancy, and I came out of this dreadful trial, torn, it is true,
+but triumphant.  Fifty years have expired since this adventure--the fear
+of punishment is no more.  Well, then, I aver, in the face of Heaven, I
+was absolutely innocent: and, so far from breaking, or even touching the
+comb, never came near the fire.  It will be asked, how did this mischief
+happen?  I can form no conception of it, I only know my own innocence.
+
+Let any one figure to himself a character whose leading traits were
+docility and timidity, but haughty, ardent, and invincible, in its
+passions; a child, hitherto governed by the voice of reason, treated with
+mildness, equity, and complaisance, who could not even support the idea
+of injustice, experiencing, for the first time, so violent an instance of
+it, inflicted by those he most loved and respected.  What perversion of
+ideas!  What confusion in the heart, the brain, in all my little being,
+intelligent and moral!--let any one, I say, if possible, imagine all
+this, for I am incapable of giving the least idea of what passed in my
+mind at that period.
+
+My reason was not sufficiently established to enable me to put myself in
+the place of others, and judge how much appearances condemned me, I only
+beheld the rigor of a dreadful chastisement, inflicted for a crime I had
+not committed; yet I can truly affirm, the smart I suffered, though
+violent, was inconsiderable compared to what I felt from indignation,
+rage, and despair.  My cousin, who was almost in similar circumstances,
+having been punished for an involuntary fault as guilty of a premediated
+crime, became furious by my example.  Both in the same bed, we embraced
+each other with convulsive transport; we were almost suffocated; and when
+our young hearts found sufficient relief to breathe out our indigination,
+we sat up in the bed, and with all our force, repeated a hundred times,
+Carnifex!  Carnifex!  Carnifex!  executioner, tormentor.
+
+Even while I write this I feel my pulse quicken, and should I live a
+hundred thousand years, the agitation of that moment would still be fresh
+in my memory.  The first instance of violence and oppression is so deeply
+engraved on my soul, that every relative idea renews my emotion: the
+sentiment of indignation, which in its origin had reference only to
+myself, has acquired such strength, and is at present so completely
+detached from personal motives, that my heart is as much inflamed at the
+sight or relation of any act of injustice (whatever may be the object, or
+wheresoever it may be perpetrated) as if I was the immediate sufferer.
+When I read the history of a merciless tyrant, or the dark and the subtle
+machination of a knavish designing priest, I could on the instant set off
+to stab the miscreants, though I was certain to perish in the attempt.
+
+I have frequently fatigued myself by running after and stoning a cock, a
+cow, a dog, or any animal I saw tormenting another, only because it was
+conscious of possessing superior strength.  This may be natural to me,
+and I am inclined to believe it is, though the lively impression of the
+first injustice I became the victim of was too long and too powerfully
+remembered not to have added considerable force to it.
+
+This occurrence terminated my infantine serenity; from that moment I
+ceased to enjoy a pure unadulterated happiness, and on a retrospection of
+the pleasure of my childhood, I yet feel they ended here.  We continue at
+Bossey some months after this event, but were like our first parents in
+the Garden of Eden after they had lost their innocence; in appearance our
+situation was the same, in effect it was totally different.
+
+Affection, respect; intimacy, confidence, no longer attached the pupils
+to their guides; we beheld them no longer as divinities, who could read
+the secrets of our hearts; we were less ashamed of committing faults,
+more afraid of being accused of them: we learned to dissemble, to rebel,
+to lie: all the vices common to our years began to corrupt our happy
+innocence, mingle with our sports, and embitter our amusements.  The
+country itself, losing those sweet and simple charms which captivate the
+heart, appeared a gloomy desert, or covered with a veil that concealed
+its beauties.  We cultivated our little gardens no more: our flowers were
+neglected.  We no longer scratched away the mould, and broke out into
+exclamations of delight, on discovering that the grain we had sown began
+to shoot.  We were disgusted with our situation; our preceptors were
+weary of us.  In a word, my uncle wrote for our return, and we left Mr.
+and Miss Lambercier without feeling any regret at the separation.
+
+Near thirty years passed away from my leaving Bossey, without once
+recalling the place to my mind with any degree of satisfaction; but after
+having passed the prime of life, as I decline into old age (while more
+recent occurrences are wearing out apace) I feel these remembrances
+revive and imprint themselves on my heart, with a force and charm that
+every day acquires fresh strength; as if, feeling life fleet from me,
+I endeavored to catch it again by its commencement.  The most trifling
+incident of those happy days delight me, for no other reason than being
+of those days.  I recall every circumstance of time, place, and persons;
+I see the maid or footman busy in the chamber, a swallow entering the
+window, a fly settling on my hand while repeating my lessons.  I see the
+whole economy of the apartment; on the right hand Mr. Lambercier's
+closet, with a print representing all the popes, a barometer, a large
+almanac, the windows of the house (which stood in a hollow at the bottom
+of the garden) shaded by raspberry shrubs, whose shoots sometimes found
+entrance; I am sensible the reader has no occasion to know all this, but
+I feel a kind of necessity for relating it.  Why am I not permitted to
+recount all the little anecdotes of that thrice happy age, at the
+recollection of whose joys I ever tremble with delight?  Five or six
+particularly--let us compromise the matter --I will give up five, but
+then I must have one, and only one, provided I may draw it out to its
+utmost length, in order to prolong my satisfaction.
+
+If I only sought yours, I should choose that of Miss Lambercier's
+backside, which by an unlucky fall at the bottom of the meadow, was
+exposed to the view of the King of Sardinia, who happened to be passing
+by; but that of the walnut tree on the terrace is more amusing to me,
+since here I was an actor, whereas, in the abovementioned scene I was
+only a spectator; and I must confess I see nothing that should occasion
+risibility in an accident, which, however laughable in itself, alarmed me
+for a person I loved as a mother, or perhaps something more.
+
+Ye curious readers, whose expectations are already on the stretch for the
+noble history of the terrace, listen to the tragedy, and abstain from
+trembling, if you can, at the horrible catastrophe!
+
+At the outside of the courtyard door, on the left hand, was a terrace;
+here they often sat after dinner; but it was subject to one
+inconvenience, being too much exposed to the rays of the sun; to obviate
+this defect, Mr. Lambercier had a walnut tree set there, the planting of
+which was attended with great solemnity.  The two boarders were
+godfathers, and while the earth was replacing round the root, each held
+the tree with one hand, singing songs of triumph.  In order to water it
+with more effect, they formed a kind of luson around its foot: myself and
+cousin, who were every day ardent spectators of this watering, confirmed
+each other in the very natural idea that it was nobler to plant trees on
+the terrace than colors on a breach, and this glory we were resolved to
+procure without dividing it with any one.
+
+In pursuance of this resolution, we cut a slip off a willow, and planted
+it on the terrace, at about eight or ten feet distance from the august
+walnut tree.  We did not forget to make a hollow round it, but the
+difficulty was how to procure a supply of water, which was brought from a
+considerable distance, and we not permitted to fetch it: but water was
+absolutely necessary for our willow, and we made use of every stratagem
+to obtain it.
+
+For a few days everything succeeded so well that it began to bud, and
+throw out small leaves, which we hourly measured convinced (tho' now
+scarce a foot from the ground) it would soon afford us a refreshing
+shade.  This unfortunate willow, by engrossing our whole time, rendered
+us incapable of application to any other study, and the cause of our
+inattention not being known, we were kept closer than before.  The fatal
+moment approached when water must fail, and we were already afflicted
+with the idea that our tree must perish with drought.  At length
+necessity, the parent of industry, suggested an invention, by which we
+might save our tree from death, and ourselves from despair; it was to
+make a furrow underground, which would privately conduct a part of the
+water from the walnut tree to our willow.  This undertaking was executed
+with ardor, but did not immediately succeed--our descent was not
+skilfully planned--the water did not run, the earth falling in and
+stopping up the furrow; yet, though all went contrary, nothing
+discouraged us, 'omnia vincit labor improbus'.  We made the bason deeper,
+to give the water a more sensible descent; we cut the bottom of a box
+into narrow planks; increased the channel from the walnut tree to our
+willow and laying a row flat at the bottom, set two others inclining
+towards each other, so as to form a triangular channel; we formed a kind
+of grating with small sticks at the end next the walnut tree, to prevent
+the earth and stones from stopping it up, and having carefully covered
+our work with well--trodden earth, in a transport of hope and fear
+attended the hour of watering.  After an interval, which seemed an age of
+expectation, this hour arrived.  Mr. Lambercier, as usual, assisted at
+the operation; we contrived to get between him and our tree, towards
+which he fortunately turned his back.  They no sooner began to pour the
+first pail of water, than we perceived it running to the willow; this
+sight was too much for our prudence, and we involuntarily expressed our
+transport by a shout of joy.  The sudden exclamation made Mr. Lambercier
+turn about, though at that instant he was delighted to observe how
+greedily the earth, which surrounded the root of his walnut tree, imbibed
+the water.  Surprised at seeing two trenches partake of it, he shouted in
+his turn, examines, perceives the roguery, and, sending instantly for a
+pick axe, at one fatal blow makes two or three of our planks fly, crying
+out meantime with all his strength, an aqueduct! an aqueduct!  His
+strokes redoubled, every one of which made an impression on our hearts;
+in a moment the planks, the channel, the bason, even our favorite willow,
+all were ploughed up, nor was one word pronounced during this terrible
+transaction, except the above mentioned exclamation.  An aqueduct!
+repeated he, while destroying all our hopes, an aqueduct! an aqueduct!
+
+It maybe supposed this adventure had a still more melancholy end for the
+young architects; this, however, was not the case; the affair ended here.
+Mr. Lambercier never reproached us on this account, nor was his
+countenance clouded with a frown; we even heard him mention the
+circumstance to his sister with loud bursts of laughter.  The laugh of
+Mr. Lambercier might be heard to a considerable distance.  But what is
+still more surprising after the first transport of sorrow had subsided,
+we did not find ourselves violently afflicted; we planted a tree in
+another spot, and frequently recollected the catastrophe of the former,
+repeating with a significant emphasis, an aqueduct!  an aqueduct!
+Till then, at intervals, I had fits of ambition, and could fancy myself
+Brutus or Aristides, but this was the first visible effect of my vanity.
+To have constructed an aqueduct with our own hands, to have set a slip of
+willow in competition with a flourishing tree, appeared to me a supreme
+degree of glory!  I had a juster conception of it at ten than Caesar
+entertained at thirty.
+
+The idea of this walnut tree, with the little anecdotes it gave rise to,
+have so well continued, or returned to my memory, that the design which
+conveyed the most pleasing sensations, during my journey to Geneva, in
+the year 1754, was visiting Bossey, and reviewing the monuments of my
+infantine amusement, above all, the beloved walnut tree, whose age at
+that time must have been verging on a third of a century, but I was so
+beset with company that I could not find a moment to accomplish my
+design.  There is little appearance now of the occasion being renewed;
+but should I ever return to that charming spot, and find my favorite
+walnut tree still existing, I am convinced I should water it with my
+tears.
+
+On my return to Geneva, I passed two or three years at my uncle's,
+expecting the determination of my friends respecting my future
+establishment.  His own son being devoted to genius, was taught drawing,
+and instructed by his father in the elements of Euclid; I partook of
+these instructions, but was principally fond of drawing.  Meantime, they
+were irresolute, whether to make me a watchmaker, a lawyer, or a
+minister.  I should have preferred being a minister, as I thought it must
+be a charming thing to preach, but the trifling income which had been my
+mother's, and was to be divided between my brother and myself, was too
+inconsiderable to defray the expense attending the prosecution of my
+studies.  As my age did not render the choice very pressing, I remained
+with my uncle, passing my time with very little improvement, and paying
+pretty dear, though not unreasonably, for my board.
+
+My uncle, like my father, was a man of pleasure, but had not learned,
+like him, to abridge his amusements for the sake of instructing his
+family, consequently our education was neglected.  My aunt was a devotee,
+who loved singing psalms better than thinking of our improvement, so that
+we were left entirely to ourselves, which liberty we never abused.
+
+Ever inseparable, we were all the world to each other; and, feeling no
+inclination to frequent the company of a number of disorderly lads of our
+own age, we learned none of those habits of libertinism to which our idle
+life exposed us.  Perhaps I am wrong in charging myself and cousin with
+idleness at this time, for, in our lives, we were never less so; and what
+was extremely fortunate, so incessantly occupied with our amusements,
+that we found no temptation to spend any part of our time in the streets.
+We made cages, pipes, kites, drums, houses, ships, and bows; spoiled the
+tools of my good old grandfather by endeavoring to make watches in
+imitation of him; but our favorite amusement was wasting paper, in
+drawing, washing, coloring, etc.  There came an Italian mountebank to
+Geneva, called Gamber-Corta, who had an exhibition of puppets, that he
+made play a kind of comedy.  We went once to see them, but could not
+spare time to go again, being busily employed in making puppets of our
+own and inventing comedies, which we immediately set about making them
+perform, mimicking to the best of our abilities the uncouth voice of
+Punch; and, to complete the business, my good aunt and uncle Bernard had
+the patience to see and listen to our imitations; but my uncle, having
+one day read an elaborate discourse to his family, we instantly gave up
+our comedies, and began composing sermons.
+
+These details, I confess, are not very amusing, but they serve to
+demonstrate that the former part of our education was well directed,
+since being, at such an early age, the absolute masters of our time,
+we found no inclination to abuse it; and so little in want of other
+companions, that we constantly neglected every occasion of seeking them.
+When taking our walks together, we observed their diversions without
+feeling any inclination to partake of them.  Friendship so entirely
+occupied our hearts, that, pleased with each other's company the simplest
+pastimes were sufficient to delight us.
+
+We were soon remarked for being thus inseparable: and what rendered us
+more conspicuous, my cousin was very tall, myself extremely short, so
+that we exhibited a very whimsical contrast.  This meagre figure, small,
+sallow countenance, heavy air, and supine gait, excited the ridicule of
+the children, who, in the gibberish of the country, nicknamed him 'Barna
+Bredanna'; and we no sooner got out of doors than our ears were assailed
+with a repetition of "Barna Bredanna."  He bore this indignity with
+tolerable patience, but I was instantly for fighting.  This was what the
+young rogues aimed at.  I engaged accordingly, and was beat.  My poor
+cousin did all in his power to assist me, but he was weak, and a single
+stroke brought him to the ground.  I then became furious, and received
+several smart blows, some of which were aimed at 'Barna Bredanna'.  This
+quarrel so far increased the evil, that, to avoid their insults, we could
+only show ourselves in the streets while they were employed at school.
+
+I had already become a redresser of grievances; there only wanted a lady
+in the way to be a knight-errant in form.  This defect was soon supplied;
+I presently had two.  I frequently went to see my father at Nion, a small
+city in the Vaudois country, where he was now settled.  Being universally
+respected, the affection entertained for him extended to me: and, during
+my visits, the question seemed to be, who should show me most kindness.
+A Madame de Vulson, in particular, loaded me with caresses; and, to
+complete all, her daughter made me her gallant.  I need not explain what
+kind of gallant a boy of eleven must be to a girl of two and twenty; the
+artful hussies know how to set these puppets up in front, to conceal more
+serious engagements.  On my part I saw no inequality between myself and
+Miss Vulson, was flattered by the circumstance, and went into it with my
+whole heart, or rather my whole head, for this passion certainly reached
+no further, though it transported me almost to madness, and frequently
+produced scenes sufficient to make even a cynic expire with laughter.
+
+I have experienced two kinds of love, equally real, which have scarce any
+affinity, yet each differing materially from tender friendship.  My whole
+life has been divided between these affections, and I have frequently
+felt the power of both at the same instant.  For example, at the very
+time I so publically and tyrannically claimed Miss Vulson, that I could
+not suffer any other of my sex to approach her, I had short, but
+passionate, assignations with a Miss Goton, who thought proper to act the
+schoolmistress with me.  Our meetings, though absolutely childish,
+afforded me the height of happiness.  I felt the whole charm of mystery,
+and repaid Miss Vulson in kind, when she least expected it, the use she
+made of me in concealing her amours.  To my great mortification, this
+secret was soon discovered, and I presently lost my young schoolmistress.
+
+Miss Goton was, in fact, a singular personage.  She was not handsome,
+yet there was a certain something in her figure which could not easily
+be forgotten, and this for an old fool, I am too often convinced of.
+Her eyes, in particular, neither corresponded with her age, her height,
+nor her manner; she had a lofty imposing air, which agreed extremely well
+with the character she assumed, but the most extraordinary part of her
+composition was a mixture of forwardness and reserve difficult to be
+conceived; and while she took the greatest liberties with me, would never
+permit any to be taken with her in return, treating me precisely like a
+child.  This makes me suppose she had either ceased herself to be one,
+or was yet sufficiently so to behold us play the danger to which this
+folly exposed her.
+
+I was so absolutely in the power of both these mistresses, that when in
+the presence of either, I never thought of her who was absent; in other
+respects, the effects they produced on me bore no affinity.  I could have
+passed my whole life with Miss Vulson, without forming a wish to quit
+her; but then, my satisfaction was attended with a pleasing serenity;
+and, in numerous companies, I was particularly charmed with her.  The
+sprightly sallies of her wit, the arch glance of her eye, even jealousy
+itself, strengthened my attachment, and I triumphed in the preference she
+seemed to bestow on me, while addressed by more powerful rivals;
+applause, encouragement, and smiles, gave animation to my happiness.
+Surrounded by a throng of observers, I felt the whole force of love--I
+was passionate, transported; in a tete-a-tete, I should have been
+constrained, thoughtful, perhaps unhappy.  If Miss Vulson was ill, I
+suffered with her; would willingly have given up my own health to
+establish hers (and, observe I knew the want of it from experience); if
+absent, she employed my thoughts, I felt the want of her; when present,
+her caresses came with warmth and rapture to my heart, though my senses
+were unaffected.  The familiarities she bestowed on me I could not have
+supported the idea of her granting to another; I loved her with a
+brother's affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.
+
+With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
+should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
+favors on any but myself.  The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss Vulson
+was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy sensations; but at
+sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered--every sense was absorbed
+in ecstasy.  I believe it would have been impossible to have remained
+long with her; I must have been suffocated with the violence of my
+palpitations.  I equally dreaded giving either of them displeasure; with
+one I was more complaisant; with the other, more submissive.  I would not
+have offended Miss Vulson for the world; but if Miss Goton had commanded
+me to throw myself into the flames, I think I should have instantly
+obeyed her.  Happily, both for her and myself, our amours; or rather
+rendezvous, were not of long duration: and though my connection with Miss
+Vulson was less dangerous, after a continuance of some greater length,
+that likewise had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a love
+affair is good for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and can
+furnish out at least an exclamation.
+
+Though my correspondence with Miss Vulson was less animated, it was
+perhaps more endearing; we never separated without tears, and it can
+hardly be conceived what a void I felt in my heart.  I could neither
+think nor speak of anything but her.  These romantic sorrows were not
+affected, though I am inclined to believe they did not absolutely centre
+in her, for I am persuaded (though I did not perceive it at that time)
+being deprived of amusement bore a considerable share in them.
+
+To soften the rigor of absence, we agreed to correspond with each other,
+and the pathetic expressions these letters contained were sufficient to
+have split a rock.  In a word, I had the honor of her not being able to
+endure the pain of separation.  She came to see me at Geneva.
+
+My head was now completely turned; and during the two days she remained
+here, I was intoxicated with delight.  At her departure, I would have
+thrown myself into the water after her, and absolutely rent the air with
+my cries.  The week following she sent me sweetmeats, gloves, etc.  This
+certainly would have appeared extremely gallant, had I not been informed
+of her marriage at the same instant, and that the journey I had thought
+proper to give myself the honor of, was only to buy her wedding suit.
+
+My indignation may easily be conceived; I shall not attempt to describe
+it.  In this heroic fury, I swore never more to see the perfidious girl,
+supposing it the greatest punishment that could be inflicted on her.
+This, however, did not occasion her death, for twenty years after, while
+on a visit to my father, being on the lake, I asked who those ladies were
+in a boat not far from ours.  "What!"  said my father smiling, "does not
+your heart inform you?  It is your former flame, it is Madame Christin,
+or, if you please, Miss Vulson."  I started at the almost forgotten name,
+and instantly ordered the waterman to turn off, not judging it worth
+while to be perjured, however favorable the opportunity for revenge, in
+renewing a dispute of twenty years past, with a woman of forty.
+
+Thus, before my future destination was determined, did I fool away the
+most precious moments of my youth.  After deliberating a long time on the
+bent of my natural inclination, they resolved to dispose of me in a
+manner the most repugnant to them.  I was sent to Mr. Masseron, the City
+Register, to learn (according to the expression of my uncle Bernard) the
+thriving occupation of a scraper.  This nickname was inconceivably
+displeasing to me, and I promised myself but little satisfaction in the
+prospect of heaping up money by a mean employment.  The assiduity and
+subjection required, completed my disgust, and I never set foot in the
+office without feeling a kind of horror, which every day gained fresh
+strength.
+
+Mr. Masseron, who was not better pleased with my abilities than I was
+with the employment, treated me with disdain, incessantly upbraiding me
+with being a fool and blockhead, not forgetting to repeat, that my uncle
+had assured him I was a knowing one, though he could not find that I knew
+anything.  That he had promised to furnish him with a sprightly boy, but
+had, in truth, sent him an ass.  To conclude, I was turned out of the
+registry, with the additional ignominy of being pronounced a fool by all
+Mr. Masseron's clerks, and fit only to handle a file.
+
+My vocation thus determined, I was bound apprentice; not, however, to a
+watchmaker, but to an engraver, and I had been so completely humiliated
+by the contempt of the register, that I submitted without a murmur.  My
+master, whose name was M. Ducommon, was a young man of a very violent and
+boorish character, who contrived in a short time to tarnish all the
+amiable qualities of my childhood, to stupefy a disposition naturally
+sprightly, and reduce my feelings, as well as my condition, to an
+absolute state of servitude.  I forgot my Latin, history, and
+antiquities; I could hardly recollect whether such people as Romans ever
+existed.  When I visited my father, he no longer beheld his idol, nor
+could the ladies recognize the gallant Jean Jacques; nay, I was so well
+convinced that Mr. and Miss Lambercier would scarce receive me as their
+pupil, that I endeavored to avoid their company, and from that time have
+never seen them.  The vilest inclinations, the basest actions, succeeded
+my amiable amusements and even obliterated the very remembrance of them.
+I must have had, in spite of my good education, a great propensity to
+degenerate, else the declension could not have followed with such ease
+and rapidity, for never did so promising a Caesar so quickly become a
+Laradon.
+
+The art itself did not displease me.  I had a lively taste for drawing.
+There was nothing displeasing in the exercise of the graver; and as it
+required no very extraordinary abilities to attain perfection as a
+watchcase engraver, I hoped to arrive at it.  Perhaps I should have
+accomplished my design, if unreasonable restraint, added to the brutality
+of my master, had not rendered my business disgusting.  I wasted his
+time, and employed myself in engraving medals, which served me and my
+companions as a kind of insignia for a new invented order of chivalry,
+and though this differed very little from my usual employ, I considered
+it as a relaxation.  Unfortunately, my master caught me at this
+contraband labor, and a severe beating was the consequence.  He
+reproached me at the same time with attempting to make counterfeit money
+because our medals bore the arms of the Republic, though, I can truly
+aver, I had no conception of false money, and very little of the true,
+knowing better how to make a Roman As than one of our threepenny pieces.
+
+My master's tyranny rendered insupportable that labor I should otherwise
+have loved, and drove me to vices I naturally despised, such as
+falsehood, idleness, and theft.  Nothing ever gave me a clearer
+demonstration of the difference between filial dependence and abject
+slavery, than the remembrance of the change produced in me at that
+period.  Hitherto I had enjoyed a reasonable liberty; this I had suddenly
+lost.  I was enterprising at my father's, free at Mr. Lambercier's,
+discreet at my uncle's; but, with my master, I became fearful, and from
+that moment my mind was vitiated.  Accustomed to live on terms of perfect
+equality, to be witness of no pleasures I could not command, to see no
+dish I was not to partake of, or be sensible of a desire I might not
+express; to be able to bring every wish of my heart to my lips--what a
+transition!--at my master's I was scarce allowed to speak, was forced to
+quit the table without tasting what I most longed for, and the room when
+I had nothing particular to do there; was incessantly confined to my
+work, while the liberty my master and his journeymen enjoyed, served only
+to increase the weight of my subjection.  When disputes happened to
+arise, though conscious that I understood the subject better than any of
+them, I dared not offer my opinion; in a word, everything I saw became an
+object of desire, for no other reason than because I was not permitted to
+enjoy anything.  Farewell gayety, ease, those happy turns of expressions,
+which formerly even made my faults escape correction.  I recollect, with
+pleasure, a circumstance that happened at my father's, which even now
+makes me smile.  Being for some fault ordered to bed without my supper,
+as I was passing through the kitchen, with my poor morsel of bread in my
+hand, I saw the meat turning on the spit; my father and the rest were
+round the fire; I must bow to every one as I passed.  When I had gone
+through this ceremony, leering with a wistful eye at the roast meat,
+which looked so inviting, and smelt so savory, I could not abstain from
+making that a bow likewise, adding in a pitiful tone, good bye, roast
+meal!  This unpremeditated pleasantry put them in such good humor, that I
+was permitted to stay, and partake of it.  Perhaps the same thing might
+have produced a similar effect at my master's, but such a thought could
+never have occurred to me, or, if it had, I should not have had courage
+to express it.
+
+Thus I learned to covet, dissemble, lie, and, at length, to steal, a
+propensity I never felt the least idea of before, though since that time
+I have never been able entirely to divest myself of it.  Desire and
+inability united naturally led to this vice, which is the reason
+pilfering is so common among footmen and apprentices, though the latter,
+as they grow up, and find themselves in a situation where everything is
+at their command, lose this shameful propensity.  As I never experienced
+the advantage, I never enjoyed the benefit.
+
+Good sentiments, ill-directed, frequently lead children into vice.
+Notwithstanding my continual wants and temptations, it was more than a
+year before I could resolve to take even eatables.  My first theft was
+occasioned by complaisance, but it was productive of others which had not
+so plausible an excuse.
+
+My master had a journeyman named Verrat, whose mother lived in the
+neighborhood, and had a garden at a considerable distance from the house,
+which produced excellent asparagus.  This Verrat, who had no great plenty
+of money, took it in his head to rob her of the most early production of
+her garden, and by the sale of it procure those indulgences he could not
+otherwise afford himself; but not being very nimble, he did not care to
+run the hazard of a surprise.  After some preliminary flattery, which I
+did not comprehend the meaning of, he proposed this expedition to me, as
+an idea which had that moment struck him.  At first I would not listen to
+the proposal; but he persisted in his solicitation, and as I could never
+resist the attacks of flattery, at length prevailed.  In pursuance of
+this virtuous resolution, I every morning repaired to the garden,
+gathered the best of the asparagus, and took it to the Holard where some
+good old women, who guessed how I came by it, wishing to diminish the
+price, made no secret of their suspicions; this produced the desired
+effect, for, being alarmed, I took whatever they offered, which being
+taken to Mr. Verrat, was presently metamorphosed into a breakfast, and
+divided with a companion of his; for, though I procured it, I never
+partook of their good cheer, being fully satisfied with an inconsiderable
+bribe.
+
+I executed my roguery with the greatest fidelity, seeking only to please
+my employer; and several days passed before it came into my head, to rob
+the robber, and tithe Mr. Verrat's harvest.  I never considered the
+hazard I run in these expeditions, not only of a torrent of abuse, but
+what I should have been still more sensible of, a hearty beating; for the
+miscreant, who received the whole benefit, would certainly have denied
+all knowledge of the fact, and I should only have received a double
+portion of punishment for daring to accuse him, since being only an
+apprentice, I stood no chance of being believed in opposition to a
+journeyman.  Thus, in every situation, powerful rogues know how to save
+themselves at the expense of the feeble.
+
+This practice taught me it was not so terrible to thieve as I had
+imagined: I took care to make this discovery turn to some account,
+helping myself to everything within my reach, that I conceived an
+inclination for.  I was not absolutely ill-fed at my master's, and
+temperance was only painful to me by comparing it with the luxury he
+enjoyed.  The custom of sending young people from table precisely when
+those things are served up which seem most tempting, is calculated to
+increase their longing, and induces them to steal what they conceive to
+be so delicious.  It may be supposed I was not backward in this
+particular: in general my knavery succeeded pretty well, though quite the
+reverse when I happened to be detected.
+
+I recollect an attempt to procure some apples, which was attended with
+circumstances that make me smile and shudder even at this instant.  The
+fruit was standing in the pantry, which by a lattice at a considerable
+height received light from the kitchen.  One day, being alone in the
+house, I climbed up to see these precious apples, which being out of my
+reach, made this pantry appear the garden of Hesperides.  I fetched the
+spit--tried if it would reach them--it was too short--I lengthened it
+with a small one which was used for game,--my master being very fond of
+hunting, darted at them several times without success; at length was more
+fortunate; being transported to find I was bringing up an apple, I drew
+it gently to the lattice--was going to seize it when (who can express my
+grief and astonishment!) I found it would not pass through--it was too
+large.  I tried every expedient to accomplish my design, sought
+supporters to keep the spits in the same position, a knife to divide the
+apple, and a lath to hold it with; at length, I so far succeeded as to
+effect the division, and made no doubt of drawing the pieces through; but
+it was scarcely separated, (compassionate reader, sympathize with my
+affliction) when both pieces fell into the pantry.
+
+Though I lost time by this experiment, I did not lose courage, but,
+dreading a surprise, I put off the attempt till next day, when I hoped to
+be more successful, and returned to my work as if nothing had happened,
+without once thinking of what the two obvious witnesses I had left in the
+pantry deposed against me.
+
+The next day (a fine opportunity offering) I renew the trial.  I fasten
+the spits together; get on the stool; take aim; am just going to dart at
+my prey--unfortunately the dragon did not sleep; the pantry door opens,
+my master makes his appearance, and, looking up, exclaims, "Bravo!"--
+The horror of that moment returns--the pen drops from my hand.
+
+A continual repetition of ill treatment rendered me callous; it seemed a
+kind of composition for my crimes, which authorized me to continue them,
+and, instead of looking back at the punishment, I looked forward to
+revenge.  Being beat like a slave, I judged I had a right to all the
+vices of one.  I was convinced that to rob and be punished were
+inseparable, and constituted, if I may so express myself, a kind of
+traffic, in which, if I perform my part of the bargain, my master would
+take care not to be deficient in his; that preliminary settled, I applied
+myself to thieving with great tranquility, and whenever this
+interrogatory occurred to my mind, "What will be the consequence?"  the
+reply was ready, "I know the worst, I shall be beat; no matter, I was
+made for it."
+
+I love good eating; am sensual, but not greedy; I have such a variety of
+inclinations to gratify, that this can never predominate; and unless my
+heart is unoccupied, which very rarely happens, I pay but little
+attention to my appetite; to purloining eatables, but extended this
+propensity to everything I wished to possess, and if I did not become a
+robber in form, it was only because money never tempted me.
+
+My master had a closet in the workshop, which he kept locked; this I
+contrived to open and shut as often as I pleased, and laid his best
+tools, fine drawings, impressions, in a word, everything he wished to
+keep from me, under contribution.
+
+These thefts were so far innocent, that they were always employed in his
+service, but I was transported at having the trifles in my possession,
+and imagined I stole the art with its productions.  Besides what I have
+mentioned, his boxes contained threads of gold and silver, a number of
+small jewels, valuable medals, and money; yet, though I seldom had five
+sous in my pocket, I do not recollect ever having cast a wishful look at
+them; on the contrary, I beheld these valuables rather with terror than
+with delight.
+
+I am convinced the dread of taking money was, in a great measure, the
+effect of education.  There was mingled with the idea of it the fear of
+infamy, a prison, punishment, and death: had I even felt the temptation,
+these objects would have made me tremble; whereas my failings appeared a
+species of waggery, and, in truth, they were little else; they could but
+occasion a good trimming, and this I was already prepared for.  A sheet
+of fine drawing paper was a greater temptation than money sufficient to
+have purchased a ream.  This unreasonable caprice is connected with one
+of the most striking singularities of my character, and has so far
+influenced my conduct, that it requires a particular explanation.
+
+My passions are extremely violent; while under their influence, nothing
+can equal my impetuosity; I am an absolute stranger to discretion,
+respect, fear, or decorum; rude, saucy, violent, and intrepid: no shame
+can stop, no danger intimidate me.  My mind is frequently so engrossed by
+a single object, that beyond it the whole world is not worth a thought;
+this is the enthusiasm of a moment, the next, perhaps, I am plunged in a
+state of annihilation.  Take me in my moments of tranquility, I am
+indolence and timidity itself; a word to speak, the least trifle to
+perform, appear an intolerable labor; everything alarms and terrifies me;
+the very buzzing of a fly will make me shudder; I am so subdued by fear
+and shame, that I would gladly shield myself from mortal view.
+
+When obliged to exert myself, I am ignorant what to do! when forced to
+speak, I am at a loss for words; and if any one looks at me, I am
+instantly out of countenance.  If animated with my subject, I express my
+thoughts with ease, but, in ordinary conversations, I can say nothing--
+absolutely nothing; and, being obliged to speak, renders them
+insupportable.
+
+I may add, that none of my predominant inclinations centre in those
+pleasures which are to be purchased: money empoisons my delight; I must
+have them unadulterated; I love those of the table, for instance, but
+cannot endure the restraints of good company, or the intemperance of
+taverns; I can enjoy them only with a friend, for alone it is equally
+impossible; my imagination is then so occupied with other things, that I
+find no pleasure in eating.  Women who are to be purchased have no charms
+for me; my beating heart cannot be satisfied without affection; it is the
+same with every other enjoyment, if not truly disinterested, they are
+absolutely insipid; in a word, I am fond of those things which are only
+estimable to minds formed for the peculiar enjoyment of them.
+
+I never thought money so desirable as it is usually imagined; if you
+would enjoy you must transform it; and this transformation is frequently
+attended with inconvenience; you must bargain, purchase, pay dear, be
+badly served, and often duped.  I buy an egg, am assured it is new-laid--
+I find it stale; fruit in its utmost perfection--'tis absolutely green.
+I love good wine, but where shall I get it?  Not at my wine merchant's--
+he will poison me to a certainty.  I wish to be universally respected;
+how shall I compass my design?  I must make friends, send messages, write
+letters, come, go, wait, and be frequently deceived.  Money is the
+perpetual source of uneasiness; I fear it more than I love good wine.
+
+A thousand times, both during and since my apprenticeship, have I gone
+out to purchase some nicety, I approach the pastry-cook's, perceive some
+women at the counter, and imagine they are laughing at me.  I pass a
+fruit shop, see some fine pears, their appearance tempts me; but then two
+or three young people are near, or a man I am acquainted with is standing
+at the door; I take all that pass for persons I have some knowledge of,
+and my near sight contributes to deceive me.  I am everywhere
+intimidated, restrained by some obstacle, and with money in my pocket
+return as I went, for want of resolution to purchase what I long for.
+
+I should enter into the most insipid details was I to relate the trouble,
+shame, repugnance, and inconvenience of all kinds which I have
+experienced in parting with my money, whether in my own person, or by the
+agency of others; as I proceed, the reader will get acquainted with my
+disposition, and perceive all this without my troubling him with the
+recital.
+
+This once comprehended, one of my apparent contradictions will be easily
+accounted for, and the most sordid avarice reconciled with the greatest
+contempt of money.  It is a movable which I consider of so little value,
+that, when destitute of it, I never wish to acquire any; and when I have
+a sum I keep it by me, for want of knowing how to dispose of it to my
+satisfaction; but let an agreeable and convenient opportunity present
+itself, and I empty my purse with the utmost freedom; not that I would
+have the reader imagine I am extravagant from a motive of ostentation,
+quite the reverse; it was ever in subservience to my pleasures, and,
+instead of glorying in expense, I endeavor to conceal it.  I so well
+perceive that money is not made to answer my purposes, that I am almost
+ashamed to have any, and, still more, to make use of it.
+
+Had I ever possessed a moderate independence, I am convinced I should
+have had no propensity to become avaricious.  I should have required no
+more, and cheerfully lived up to my income; but my precarious situation
+has constantly and necessarily kept me in fear.  I love liberty, and I
+loathe constraint, dependence, and all their kindred annoyances.  As long
+as my purse contains money it secures my independence, and exempts me
+from the trouble of seeking other money, a trouble of which I have always
+had a perfect horror; and the dread of seeing the end of my independence,
+makes me proportionately unwilling to part with my money.  The money that
+we possess is the instrument of liberty, that which we lack and strive to
+obtain is the instrument of slavery.  Thence it is that I hold fast to
+aught that I have, and yet covet nothing more.
+
+My disinterestedness, then, is in reality only idleness, the pleasure of
+possessing is not in my estimation worth the trouble of acquiring: and my
+dissipation is only another form of idleness; when we have an opportunity
+of disbursing pleasantly we should make the best possible use of it.
+
+I am less tempted by money than by other objects, because between the
+moment of possessing the money and that of using it to obtain the desired
+object there is always an interval, however short; whereas to possess the
+thing is to enjoy it.  I see a thing and it tempts me; but if I see not
+the thing itself but only the means of acquiring it, I am not tempted.
+Therefore it is that I have been a pilferer, and am so even now, in the
+way of mere trifles to which I take a fancy, and which I find it easier
+to take than to ask for; but I never in my life recollect having taken a
+farthing from any one, except about fifteen years ago, when I stole seven
+francs and ten sous.  The story is worth recounting, as it exhibits a
+concurrence of ignorance and stupidity I should scarcely credit, did it
+relate to any but myself.
+
+It was in Paris: I was walking with M. de Franceul at the Palais Royal;
+he pulled out his watch, he looked at it, and said to me, "Suppose we go
+to the opera?"--"With all my heart."  We go: he takes two box tickets,
+gives me one, and enters himself with the other; I follow, find the door
+crowded; and, looking in, see every one standing; judging, therefore,
+that M. de Franceul might suppose me concealed by the company, I go out,
+ask for my ticket, and, getting the money returned, leave the house,
+without considering, that by then I had reached the door every one would
+be seated, and M. de Franceul might readily perceive I was not there.
+
+As nothing could be more opposite to my natural inclination than this
+abominable meanness, I note it, to show there are moments of delirium
+when men ought not to be judged by their actions: this was not stealing
+the money, it was only stealing the use of it, and was the more infamous
+for wanting the excuse of a temptation.
+
+I should never end these accounts, was I to describe all the gradations
+through which I passed, during my apprenticeship, from the sublimity of a
+hero to the baseness of a villain.  Though I entered into most of the
+vices of my situation, I had no relish for its pleasures; the amusements
+of my companions were displeasing, and when too much restraint had made
+my business wearisome, I had nothing to amuse me.  This renewed my taste
+for reading which had long been neglected.  I thus committed a fresh
+offence, books made me neglect my work, and brought on additional
+punishment, while inclination, strengthened by constraint, became an
+unconquerable passion.  La Tribu, a well-known librarian, furnished me
+with all kinds; good or bad, I perused them with avidity, and without
+discrimination.
+
+It will be said; "at length, then, money became necessary"--true; but
+this happened at a time when a taste for study had deprived me both of
+resolution and activity; totally occupied by this new inclination, I only
+wished to read, I robbed no longer.  This is another of my peculiarities;
+a mere nothing frequently calls me off from what I appear the most
+attached to; I give in to the new idea; it becomes a passion, and
+immediately every former desire is forgotten.
+
+Reading was my new hobby; my heart beat with impatience to run over the
+new book I carried in my pocket; the first moment I was alone, I seized
+the opportunity to draw it out, and thought no longer of rummaging my
+master's closet.  I was even ashamed to think that I had been guilty of
+such meanness; and had my amusements been more expensive, I no longer
+felt an inclination to continue it.  La Tribu gave me credit, and when
+once I had the book in my possession, I thought no more of the trifle I
+was to pay for it; as money came it naturally passed to this woman; and
+when she chanced to be pressing, nothing was so conveniently at hand as
+my own effects; to steal in advance required foresight, and robbing to
+pay was no temptation.
+
+The frequent blows I received from my master, with my private and ill-
+chosen studies, rendered me reserved, unsociable, and almost deranged my
+reason.  Though my taste had not preserved me from silly unmeaning books,
+by good fortune I was a stranger to licentious or obscene ones; not that
+La Tribu (who was very accommodating) had any scruple of lending these,
+on the contrary, to enhance their worth she spoke of them with an air of
+mystery; this produced an effect she had not foreseen, for both shame and
+disgust made me constantly refuse them.  Chance so well seconded my
+bashful disposition, that I was past the age of thirty before I saw any
+of those dangerous compositions.
+
+In less than a year I had exhausted La Tribu's scanty library, and was
+unhappy for want of further amusement.  My reading, though frequently
+bad, had worn off my childish follies, and brought back my heart to
+nobler sentiments than my condition had inspired; meantime disgusted with
+all within my reach, and thinking everything charming that was out of it,
+my present situation appeared extremely miserable.  My passions began to
+acquire strength, I felt their influence, without knowing whither they
+would conduct me.  I sometimes, indeed, thought of my former follies, but
+sought no further.
+
+At this time my imagination took a turn which helped to calm my
+increasing emotions; it was, to contemplate those situations in the books
+I had read, which produced the most striking effect on my mind; to
+recall, combine, and apply them to myself in such a manner, as to become
+one of the personages my recollection presented, and be continually in
+those fancied circumstances which were most agreeable to my inclinations;
+in a word, by contriving to place myself in these fictitious situations,
+the idea of my real one was in a great measure obliterated.
+
+This fondness for imaginary objects, and the facility with which I could
+gain possession of them, completed my disgust for everything around me,
+and fixed that inclination for solitude which has ever since been
+predominant.  We shall have more than once occasion to remark the effects
+of a disposition, misanthropic and melancholy in appearance, but which
+proceed, in fact, from a heart too affectionate, too ardent, which, for
+want of similar dispositions, is constrained to content itself with
+nonentities, and be satisfied with fiction.  It is sufficient, at
+present, to have traced the origin of a propensity which has modified my
+passions, set bounds to each, and by giving too much ardor to my wishes,
+has ever rendered me too indolent to obtain them.
+
+Thus I attained my sixteenth year, uneasy, discontented with myself and
+everything that surrounded me; displeased with my occupation; without
+enjoying the pleasures common to my age, weeping without a cause, sighing
+I knew not why, and fond of my chimerical ideas for want of more valuable
+realities.
+
+Every Sunday, after sermon-time, my companions came to fetch me out,
+wishing me to partake of their diversions.  I would willingly have been
+excused, but when once engaged in amusement, I was more animated and
+enterprising than any of them; it was equally difficult to engage or
+restrain me; indeed, this was ever a leading trait in my character.
+In our country walks I was ever foremost, and never thought of returning
+till reminded by some of my companions.  I was twice obliged to be from
+my master's the whole night, the city gates having been shut before I
+could reach them.  The reader may imagine what treatment this procured me
+the following mornings; but I was promised such a reception for the
+third, that I made a firm resolution never to expose myself to the danger
+of it.  Notwithstanding my determination, I repeated this dreaded
+transgression, my vigilance having been rendered useless by a cursed
+captain, named M. Minutoli, who, when on guard, always shut the gate he
+had charge of an hour before the usual time.  I was returning home with
+my two companions, and had got within half a league of the city, when I
+heard them beat the tattoo; I redouble my pace, I run with my utmost
+speed, I approach the bridge, see the soldiers already at their posts, I
+call out to them in a suffocated voice--it is too late; I am twenty paces
+from the guard, the first bridge is already drawn up, and I tremble to
+see those terrible horns advanced in the air which announce the fatal and
+inevitable destiny, which from this moment began to pursue me.
+
+I threw myself on the glacis in a transport of despair, while my
+companions, who only laughed at the accident, immediately determined what
+to do.  My resolution, though different from theirs, was equally sudden;
+on the spot, I swore never to return to my master's, and the next
+morning, when my companions entered the city, I bade them an eternal
+adieu, conjuring them at the same time to inform my cousin Bernard of my
+resolution, and the place where he might see me for the last time.
+
+From the commencement of my apprenticeship I had seldom seen him; at
+first, indeed, we saw each other on Sundays, but each acquiring different
+habits, our meetings were less frequent.  I am persuaded his mother
+contributed greatly towards this change; he was to consider himself as a
+person of consequence, I was a pitiful apprentice; notwithstanding our
+relationship, equality no longer subsisted between us, and it was
+degrading himself to frequent my company.  As he had a natural good heart
+his mother's lessons did not take an immediate effect, and for some time
+he continued to visit me.
+
+Having learned my resolution, he hastened to the spot I had appointed,
+not, however, to dissuade me from it, but to render my flight agreeable,
+by some trifling presents, as my own resources would not have carried me
+far.  He gave me among other things, a small sword, which I was very
+proud of, and took with me as far as Turin, where absolute want
+constrained me to dispose of it.  The more I reflect on his behavior at
+this critical moment, the more I am persuaded he followed the
+instructions of his mother, and perhaps his father likewise: for, had he
+been left to his own feelings, he would have endeavored to retain, or
+have been tempted to accompany me; on the contrary, he encouraged the
+design, and when he saw me resolutely determined to pursue it, without
+seeming much affected, left me to my fate.  We never saw or wrote to each
+other from that time; I cannot but regret this loss, for his heart was
+essentially good, and we seemed formed for a more lasting friendship.
+
+Before I abandon myself to the fatality of my destiny, let me contemplate
+for a moment the prospect that awaited me had I fallen into the hands of
+a better master.  Nothing could have been more agreeable to my
+disposition, or more likely to confer happiness, than the peaceful
+condition of a good artificer, in so respectable a line as engravers are
+considered at Geneva.  I could have obtained an easy subsistence, if not
+a fortune; this would have bounded my ambition; I should have had means
+to indulge in moderate pleasures, and should have continued in my natural
+sphere, without meeting with any temptation to go beyond it.  Having an
+imagination sufficiently fertile to embellish with its chimeras every
+situation, and powerful enough to transport me from one to another, it
+was immaterial in which I was fixed: that was best adapted to me, which,
+requiring the least care or exertion, left the mind most at liberty; and
+this happiness I should have enjoyed.  In my native country, in the bosom
+of my religion, family and friends, I should have passed a calm and
+peaceful life, in the uniformity of a pleasing occupation, and among
+connections dear to my heart.  I should have been a good Christian, a
+good citizen, a good friend, a good man.  I should have relished my
+condition, perhaps have been an honor to it, and after having passed a
+life of happy obscurity, surrounded by my family, I should have died at
+peace.  Soon it may be forgotten, but while remembered it would have been
+with tenderness and regret.
+
+Instead of this--what a picture am I about to draw!--Alas!  why should I
+anticipate the miseries I have endured?  The reader will have but too
+much of the melancholy subject.
+
+
+
+
+ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:
+
+A feeling heart the foundation of all my misfortunes
+Being beat like a slave, I judged I had a right to all vices
+Degree of sensuality had mingled with the smart and shame
+First instance of violence and oppression is so deeply engraved
+Hold fast to aught that I have, and yet covet nothing more
+Insignificant trash that has obtained the name of education
+Law that the accuser should be confined at the same time
+Less degree of repugnance in divulging what is really criminal
+Money that we possess is the instrument of liberty
+Money we lack and strive to obtain is the instrument of slavery
+Necessity, the parent of industry, suggested an invention
+Neither the victim nor witness of any violent emotions
+Passed my days in languishing in silence for those I most admire
+Rogues know how to save themselves at the expense of the feeble
+Seeking, by fresh offences, a return of the same chastisement
+Supposed that certain, which I only knew to be probable
+Taught me it was not so terrible to thieve as I had imagined
+We learned to dissemble, to rebel, to lie
+
+
+
+
+End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, v1
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
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