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diff --git a/38653.txt b/38653.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ebfd1dc --- /dev/null +++ b/38653.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3532 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Such Things Are, by Mrs. Inchbald + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Such Things Are + A Play, in Five Acts + + +Author: Mrs. Inchbald + + + +Release Date: January 23, 2012 [eBook #38653] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUCH THINGS ARE*** + + +E-text prepared by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed Proofreading +Canada Team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) + + + +SUCH THINGS ARE; + +A Play, in Five Acts. + +As Performed at the +Theatre Royal, Covent Garden. + +by + +MRS. INCHBALD. + +Second Edition. + + + + + + + +London: +Printed for G. G. J. and J. ROBINSON, Pater-noster Row. +MDCCLXXXVIII. + + + + +ADVERTISEMENT. + + +The travels of an Englishman throughout Europe, and even in some parts +of Asia, to soften the sorrows of the Prisoner, excited in the mind of +the Author the subject of the following pages, which, formed into a +dramatic story, have produced from the Theatre a profit far exceeding +the usual pecuniary advantages arising from a successful Comedy. + +The uncertainty in what part of the East the hero of the present +piece was (at the time it was written) dispensing his benevolence, +caused the Writer, after many researches and objections, to fix the +scene on the island of Sumatra, where the English settlement, the +system of government, and every description of the manners of the +people, reconcile the incidents of the Play to the strictest degree +of probability. + + + + +PROLOGUE, + +Written by THOMAS VAUGHAN, Esq. + +Spoken by Mr. HOLMAN. + + + How say you, critic Gods[1], and you below[2]; + Are you all friends?--or here--and there--a foe? + Come to protect your _literary_ trade, + Which Mrs. _Scribble_ dares _again_ invade-- + But know you not--_in all_ the fair ones do, + 'Tis not to please themselves alone--but you. + Then who so churlish, or so cynic grown, + Would wish to change a _simper_ for a _frown_? + Or who so jealous of their own _dear_ quill, + Would point the paragraph her fame to kill? + Yet such there are, in this all-scribbling town, } + And men of letters too--of some renown, } + Who sicken at all merit but their own. } + But sure 'twere more for Wit's--for Honour's sake, + To make the Drama's _race_--_the give and take_. + [_Looking round the house._ + My hint I see's approv'd--so pray begin it, + And praise us--_roundly_ for the _good things_ in it, + Nor let severity our faults expose, + When godlike Homer's self was known to doze. + But of the piece--Methinks I hear you hint, + Some dozen lines or more should give the tint-- + "Tell how _Sir John_ with _Lady Betty_'s maid + Is caught intriguing at a masquerade; + Which Lady Betty, in a jealous fit, + Resents by flirting with _Sir Ben_--the cit. + Whose _three_-feet spouse, to modish follies bent, + Mistakes a _six_-feet Valet--for a Gent. + Whilst Miss, repugnant to her Guardian's plan, + Elopes in Breeches with her fav'rite man." + Such are the _hints_ we read in _Roscius'_ days, + By way of Prologue ushered in _their_ plays. + But _we_, like Ministers and cautious spies, + In _secret measures_ think--the merit lies. + Yet shall the Muse thus far unveil the plot-- + This play was _tragi-comically_ got, + Those sympathetic sorrows to impart + Which harmonize the feelings of the heart; + And may at least this humble merit boast, + A structure founded on fair _Fancy_'s coast. + With you it rests that judgement to proclaim, + Which _in the world_ must raise or sink it's fame. + Yet ere her judges sign their last report, + 'Tis you [_to the boxes_] must recommend her to the Court; + Whose smiles, like _Cynthia_, in a winter's night, + Will cheer our wand'rer with a gleam of light. + + 1. Galleries. + 2. Pit. + + + + +ACT I. + + +SCENE, _The Island of Sumatra, in East India_. + +CHARACTERS. + + + MEN. + + _Sultan_, Mr. Farren, + _Lord Flint_, Mr. Davies, + _Sir Luke Tremor_, Mr. Quick, + _Mr. Twineall_, Mr. Lewis, + _Mr. Haswell_, Mr. Pope, + _Elvirus_, Mr. Holman, + _Mr. Meanright_, Mr. Macready, + _Zedan_, Mr. Fearon, + _First Keeper_, Mr. Thompson, + _Second Keeper_, Mr. Cubitt, + _First Prisoner_, Mr. Helme, + _Second Prisoner_, Mr. Gardener. + _Guard_, Mr. Blurton, + _Messenger_, Mr. Ledger. + + WOMEN. + + _Lady Tremor_, Mrs. Mattocks, + _Aurelia_, Miss Wilkinson, + _Female Prisoner_, Mrs. Pope. + + _Time of Representation, Twelve Hours._ + + + + +SUCH THINGS ARE. + +A PLAY. + +IN FIVE ACTS. + + + + +ACT I. + + +SCENE I. _A Parlour at Sir_ Luke Tremor'_s_. + +_Enter Sir_ Luke, _followed by Lady_ Tremor. + + +_Sir Luke._ I tell you, Madam, you are two and thirty. + +_Lady Tremor._ I tell you, Sir, you are mistaken. + +_Sir Luke._ Why, did not you come over from England exactly sixteen +years ago? + +_Lady._ Not so long. + +_Sir Luke._ Have not we been married the tenth of next April sixteen +years? + +_Lady._ Not so long.-- + +_Sir Luke._ Did you not come over the year of the great Eclipse? +answer me that. + +_Lady._ I don't remember it. + +_Sir Luke._ But I do--and shall remember it as long as I live--the +first time I saw you, was in the garden of the Dutch Envoy; you were +looking through a glass at the sun--I immediately began to make love +to you, and the whole affair was settled while the eclipse +lasted--just one hour, eleven minutes, and three seconds. + +_Lady._ But what is all this to my age? + +_Sir Luke._ Because I know you were at that time near seventeen--and +without one qualification except your youth--and not being a Mullatto. + +_Lady._ Sir Luke, Sir Luke, this is not to be borne-- + +_Sir Luke._ Oh! yes--I forgot--you had two letters of recommendation, +from two great families in England. + +_Lady._ Letters of recommendation! + +_Sir Luke._ Yes; your character----that, you know, is all the fortune +we poor Englishmen, situated in India, expect with a wife who crosses +the sea at the hazard of her life, to make us happy. + +_Lady._ And what but our characters would you have us bring? Do you +suppose any lady ever came to India, who brought along with her, +friends, or fortune? + +_Sir Luke._ No, my dear--and what is worse--she seldom leaves them +behind, either. + +_Lady._ No matter, Sir Luke--but if I delivered to you a good +character---- + +_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear you did--and if you were to ask me for it +again, I can't say I could give it you. + +_Lady._ How uncivil! how unlike are your manners to the manners of my +Lord Flint. + +_Sir Luke._ Ay--you are never so happy as when you have an opportunity +of expressing your admiration of him--a disagreeable, nay, a very +dangerous man--one is never sure of one's self in his presence--he +carries every thing he hears to the ministers of our suspicious +Sultan--and I feel my head shake whenever I am in his company. + +_Lady._ How different does his Lordship appear to me--to me he is all +_politesse_. + +_Sir Luke._ _Politesse!_ how shou'd you understand what is real +_politesse_? You know your education was very much confined.-- + +_Lady._ And if it _was_ confined----I beg, Sir Luke, you will one +time or other cease these reflections--you know they are what I can't +bear! [_walks about in a passion._] pray, does not his Lordship +continually assure me, I might be taken for a Countess, were it not +for a certain little groveling toss I have caught with my head--and +a certain little confined hitch in my walk? both which I learnt of +_you_--learnt by looking so much at _you_.-- + +_Sir Luke._ And now if you don't take care, by looking so much at his +Lordship, you may catch some of his defects. + +_Lady._ I know of very few he has. + +_Sir Luke._ I know of many--besides those he assumes.-- + +_Lady._ Assumes!!---- + +_Sir Luke._ Yes; do you suppose he is as forgetful as he pretends to +be? no, no--but because he is a favourite with the Sultan, and all +our great men at court, he thinks it genteel or convenient to have +no memory--and yet I'll answer for it, he has one of the best in the +universe. + +_Lady._ I don't believe your charge. + +_Sir Luke._ Why, though he forgets his appointments with his +tradesmen, did you ever hear of his forgetting to go to court when a +place was to be disposed of? Did he ever make a blunder, and send a +bribe to a man out of power? Did he ever forget to kneel before the +Prince of this Island--or to look in his highness's presence like the +statue of Patient-resignation in humble expectation?-- + +_Lady._ Dear, Sir Luke---- + +_Sir Luke._ Sent from his own country in his very infancy, and brought +up in the different courts of petty, arbitrary Princes here in Asia; +he is the slave of every great man, and the tyrant of every poor +one.---- + +_Lady._ "Petty Princes!"--'tis well his highness our Sultan does not +hear you. + +_Sir Luke._ 'Tis well he does not--don't you repeat what I say--but +you know how all this fine country is harrassed and laid waste by a +set of Princes, Sultans, as they style themselves, and I know not +what--who are for ever calling out to each other "that's mine," and +"that's mine;"--and "you have no business here"--and "you have no +business there"--and "I have business every where;" [_Strutting_] +then "give _me_ this,"--and "give _me_ that;" and "take this, and +take that." [_makes signs of fighting._] + +_Lady._ A very elegant description truly. + +_Sir Luke._ Why, you know 'tis all matter of fact--and Lord Flint, +brought up from his youth amongst these people, has not one _trait_ of +an Englishman about him--he has imbibed all this country's cruelty, +and I dare say wou'd mind no more seeing me hung up by my thumbs--or +made to dance upon a red-hot gridiron---- + +_Lady._ That is one of the tortures I never heard of!--O! I shou'd +like to see that of all things! + +_Sir Luke._ Yes--by keeping this man's company, you'll soon be as +cruel as he is--he will teach you every vice--a consequential--grave +--dull--and yet with that degree of levity, that dares to pay his +addresses to a woman, even before her husband's face. + +_Lady._ Did not you say, this minute, his Lordship had not a _trait_ +of his own country about him?-- + +_Sir Luke._ Well, well--as you say, that last _is_ a _trait_ of his +own country. + + _Enter_ Servant _and_ Lord Flint. + + +_Serv._ Lord Flint.--[_Exit_ Servant. + +_Lady._ My Lord, I am extremely glad to see you--we were just +mentioning your name.-- + +_Lord._ Were you, indeed, Madam? You do me great honour. + +_Sir Luke._ No, my Lord--no great honour. + +_Lord._ Pardon me, Sir Luke. + +_Sir Luke._ But, I assure you, my Lord, what I said, did _myself_ a +great deal of honour. + +_Lady._ Yes, my Lord, and I'll acquaint your Lordship what it was. +[_going up to him._ + +_Sir Luke._ [_Pulling her aside_] Why, you wou'd not inform against me +sure! Do you know what would be the consequence? My head must answer +it. [_frightened._] + +_Lord._ Nay, Sir Luke, I insist upon knowing. + +_Sir Luke._ [_To her_] Hush--hush----no, my Lord, pray excuse +me--your Lordship perhaps may think what I said did not come from my +heart; and I assure you, upon my honour, it did. + +_Lady._ O, yes--that I am sure it did. + +_Lord._ I am extremely obliged to you. [_bowing._ + +_Sir Luke._ O, no, my Lord, not at all--not at all.--[_aside to +her._] I'll be extremely obliged to _you_, if you will hold your +tongue--Pray, my Lord, are you engaged out to dinner to-day? for her +Ladyship and I dine out. + +_Lady._ Yes, my Lord, and we should be happy to find your Lordship of +the party. + +_Lord._ "Engaged out to dinner"?--egad very likely--very likely--but +if I am--I have positively forgotten where. + +_Lady._ We are going to---- + +_Lord._ No--I think (now you put me in mind of it) I think I have +company to dine with me--I am either going out to dinner, or have +company to dine with me; but I really can't tell which--however, my +people know----but I can't call to mind.-- + +_Sir Luke._ Perhaps your Lordship _has_ dined; can you recollect that? + +_Lord._ No, no--I have not dined----what's o'clock? + +_Lady._ Perhaps, my Lord, you have not breakfasted. + +_Lord._ O, yes, I've breakfasted--I think so--but upon my word these +things are very hard to remember. + +_Sir Luke._ They are indeed, my Lord--and I wish all my family wou'd +entirely forget them. + +_Lord._ What did your Ladyship say was o'clock? + +_Lady._ Exactly twelve, my Lord. + +_Lord._ Bless me! I ought to have been some where else then--an +absolute engagement.--I have broke my word--a positive appointment. + +_Lady._ Shall I send a servant? + +_Lord._ No, no, no, no--by no means--it can't be helped now--and they +know my unfortunate failing--besides, I'll beg their pardon, and I +trust that will be ample satisfaction. + +_Lady._ You are very good, my Lord, not to leave us. + +_Lord._ I cou'd not think of leaving you so soon, Madam--the happiness +I enjoy here is _such_-- + +_Sir Luke._ And very likely were your Lordship to go away now, you +might never recollect to come again. + + _Enter_ Servant. + +_Serv._ A Gentleman, Sir, just come from on board an English vessel, +says, he has letters to present to you. + +_Sir Luke._ Shew him in--[_Exit_ Servant.] _He_ has brought his +character too, I suppose--and left it _behind_, too, I suppose. + + _Enter Mr._ Twineall, _in a fashionable undress_. + +_Twi._ Sir Luke, I have the honour of presenting to you, [_Gives +letters_] one from my Lord Cleland--one from Sir Thomas Shoestring +--one from Colonel Fril. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Aside_] Who in the name of wonder have my friends +recommended?--[_reads while Lord_ Flint _and the Lady talk apart_] +No--as I live, he is a gentleman, and the son of a Lord--[_going to +Lady_ Tremor.] My dear, that is a gentleman, notwithstanding his +appearance--don't laugh--but let me introduce you to him. + +_Lady._ A gentleman! certainly--I did not look at him before--but now +I can perceive it. + +_Sir Luke._ Mr. Twineall, give me leave to introduce Lady Tremor to +you, and my Lord Flint--this, my Lord, is the Honourable Mr. Twineall +from England, who will do me the favour to remain in my house, till +he is settled to his mind in some post here. [_They bow._] I beg your +pardon, Sir, for the somewhat cool reception Lady Tremor and I gave +you at first--but I dare say her Ladyship was under the same mistake +as myself--and I must own I took you at first sight for something very +different from the person you prove to be--for really no English ships +have arrived in this harbour for these five years past, and the dress +of us English gentlemen is so much altered since that time-- + +_Twi._ But, I hope, Sir Luke, if it is, the alteration meets with your +approbation. + +_Lady._ O! to be sure--it is extremely elegant and becoming. + +_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear, I don't doubt but you think so; for I +remember you used to make your favourite monkey wear just such a +jacket, when he went out a visiting. + +_Twin._ Was he your favourite, Madam?--Sir, you are very obliging. +[_Bowing to Sir Luke._] + +_Sir Luke._ My Lord, if it were possible for your Lordship to call to +your _remembrance_ such a trifle-- + +_Lady._ Dear Sir Luke----[_Pulling him._ + +_Lord._ Egad, I believe I do call to my remembrance--[_Gravely +considering._]--Not, I assure you, Sir, that I perceive any great +resemblance--or, if it was so--I dare say it is merely in the +dress----which I must own strikes me as most ridiculous--very +ridiculous indeed.---- + +_Twi._ My Lord! + +_Lord._ I beg pardon, if I have said any thing that----Lady Tremor, +what did I say?----make my apology, if I have said any thing +improper--you know my unhappy failing. [_Goes up the stage._ + +_Lady._ [_to Twineall._] Sir, his Lordship has made a mistake in the +word "ridiculous," which I am sure he did not mean to say--but he is +apt to make use of one word for another--his Lordship has been so long +out of England, that he may be said in some measure to have forgotten +his native language. + + [_His Lordship all this time appears consequentially absent._ + +_Twi._ And you have perfectly explained, Madam--indeed I ought to +have been convinced, without your explanation, that if his Lordship +made use of the word _ridiculous_ (even intentionally) that the word +had now changed its former sense, and was become a mode to express +satisfaction--or his Lordship wou'd not have made use of it in the +very forcible manner he did, to a perfect stranger. + +_Sir Luke._ What, Mr. Twineall, have you new modes, new fashions for +_words_ too in England, as well as for dresses?--and are you equally +extravagant in their adoption? + +_Lady._ I never heard, Sir Luke, but that the fashion of words varied, +as well as the fashion of every thing else. + +_Twi._ But what is most extraordinary--we have now a fashion in +England, of speaking without any words at all. + +_Lady._ Pray, Sir, how is that? + +_Sir Luke._ Ay, do, Mr. Twineall, teach my wife, and I shall be very +much obliged to you--it will be a great accomplishment. Even you, my +Lord, ought to be attentive to this fashion. + +_Twi._ Why, Madam, for instance, when a gentleman is asked a question +which is either troublesome or improper to answer, you don't say you +_won't_ answer it, even though you speak to an inferior----but you +say----"really it appears to me e-e-e-e-e--[_mutters and shrugs_]--that +is--mo-mo-mo-mo-mo--[_mutters_]--if you see the thing--for my part +----te-te-te-te----and that's all I can tell about it at _present_." + +_Sir Luke._ And you have told nothing! + +_Twi._ Nothing upon earth. + +_Lady._ But mayn't one guess what you mean? + +_Twi._ O, yes--perfectly at liberty to guess. + +_Sir Luke._ Well, I'll be shot if I _could_ guess. + +_Twi._ And again--when an impertinent pedant asks you a question that +you know nothing about, and it may not be convenient to say so--you +answer _boldly_, "why really, Sir, my opinion _is_, that the Greek +poet--he-he-he-he--[_mutters_]--we-we-we-we--you see--if his idea +was--and if the Latin translator--mis-mis-mis-mis--[_shrugs_]----that +I shou'd think--in my humble opinion--but the Doctor _may_ know +better than I."---- + +_Sir Luke._ The Doctor must know very little else. + +_Twi._ Or in case of a duel, where one does not care to say who was +right, or who was wrong--you answer--"_This_, Sir, is the state of the +matter--Mr. F-- came first--te-te-te-te--on that--be-be-be-be--if the +other--in short--[_whispers_]--whis-whis-whis-whis"---- + +_Sir Luke._ What? + +_Twi._ "There, now you have it--there 'tis--but don't say a word about +it--or, if you do--don't say it come from me."-- + +_Lady._ Why, you have not told a word of the story! + +_Twi._ But that your auditor must not say to you--that's not the +fashion--he never tells you that--he may say--"You have not made +yourself _perfectly_ clear;"--or he may say--"He must have the matter +_more particularly_ pointed out somewhere else;"--but that is all the +auditor can say with good breeding. + +_Lady._ A very pretty method indeed to satisfy one's curiosity! + + _Enter_ Servant. + +_Serv._ Mr. Haswell. + +_Sir Luke._ This is a countryman of ours, Mr. Twineall, and a very +good man I assure you. + + _Enter_ Mr. Haswell. + +_Sir Luke._ Mr. Haswell, how do you do? + +[_Warmly._ + +_Has._ Sir Luke, I am glad to see you.----Lady Tremor, how do you do? +[_He bows to the rest._ + +_Lady._ O, Mr. Haswell, I am extremely glad you are come--here is a +young adventurer just arrived from England, who has been giving us +such a strange account of all that's going on there. [_Introducing +Twineall._ + +_Has._ Sir, you are welcome to India. [_Sir Luke whispers Haswell._ +Indeed!--_his_ son. + +_Lady._ Do, Mr. Haswell, talk to him--he can give you great +information. + +_Has._ I am glad of it--I shall then hear many things I am impatient +to become acquainted with. [_Goes up to Twineall._] Mr. Twineall, I +have the honour of knowing his Lordship, your father, extremely +well--he holds his seat in Parliament still, I presume? + +_Twi._ He does, Sir. + +_Has._ And your uncle, Sir Charles? + +_Twi._ Both, Sir--both in Parliament still. + +_Has._ Pray, Sir, has any act in behalf of the poor clergy taken place +yet? + +_Twi._ In behalf of the poor clergy, Sir?--I'll tell you--I'll tell +you, Sir.----As to that act--concerning--[_shrugs and mutters_] +--em-em-em-em--the Committee--em-em--ways and means--hee-hee--I +assure you, Sir--te-te-te--[_Sir Luke, Lady, and Lord Flint laugh._ + +My father and my uncle both think so, I assure you. + +_Has._ Think _how_, Sir? + +_Sir Luke._ Nay, that's not good breeding--you must ask no more +questions. + +_Has._ Why not? + +_Sir Luke._ Because--we-we-we-we--[_mimicks_]--he knows nothing about +it. + +_Has._ What, Sir--not know? + +_Twi._ Yes, Sir, perfectly acquainted with every thing that passes in +the house--but I assure you, that when they come to be reported---- +but, Sir Luke, now permit me, in my turn, to make a few inquiries +concerning the state of this country. + + [_Sir Luke starts, and fixes his eyes suspiciously on Lord Flint._ + +_Sir Luke._ Why, one does not like to speak much about the country one +lives in--but, Mr. Haswell, you have been visiting our encampments; +_you_ may tell us what is going on there. + +_Lady._ Pray, Mr. Haswell, is it true that the Sultan cut off the head +of one of his wives the other day because she said "I won't?" + +_Sir Luke._ Do, my dear, be silent. + +_Lady._ I won't. + +_Sir Luke._ O, that the Sultan had you instead of me! + +_Lady._ And with my head off, I suppose? + +_Sir Luke._ No, my dear; in that state, I shou'd have no objection to +you myself. + +_Lady._ [_Aside to Sir Luke._] Now, I'll frighten you ten times +more.--But, Mr. Haswell, I am told there are many persons suspected of +disaffection to the present Sultan, who have been lately, by his +orders, arrested, and sold to slavery, notwithstanding there was no +proof against them produced. + +_Has._ Proof!----in a State such as this, the charge is quite +sufficient. + +_Sir Luke._ [_In apparent agonies, wishing to turn the discourse._] +Well, my Lord, and how does your Lordship find yourself this +afternoon?--this morning, I mean--Bless my soul! why I begin to be +as forgetful as your Lordship. [_Smiling and fawning._ + +_Lady._ How I pity the poor creatures! + +_Sir Luke._ [_Aside to Lady._] Take care what you say before that tool +of state--look at him, and tremble for your head. + +_Lady._ Look at him, and tremble for _yours_--and so, Mr. Haswell, all +this is true?--and some people, of consequence too, I am told, dragged +from their homes, and sent to slavery merely on suspicion? + +_Has._ Yet, less do I pity those, than some, whom prisons and dungeons +crammed before, are yet prepared to receive. + +_Lord._ Mr. Haswell, such is the Sultan's pleasure. + +_Sir Luke._ Will your Lordship take a turn in the garden? it looks +from this door very pleasant;--does not it? + +_Lady._ But pray, Mr. Haswell, has not the Sultan sent for you to +attend at his palace this morning? + +_Has._ He has, Madam. + +_Lady._ There! I heard he had, but Sir Luke said not.--I am told he +thinks himself under the greatest obligations to you. + +_Has._ The report has flattered me--but if his highness _shou'd_ think +himself under obligations, I can readily point a way, by which he may +acquit himself of them. + +_Lady._ In the mean time, I am sure, you feel for those poor +sufferers. + +_Has._ [_With stifled emotion._] Sir Luke, good morning to you--I +call'd upon some trifling business, but I have out-staid my time, +and therefore I'll call again in a couple of hours--Lady Tremor, +good morning--my Lord--Mr. Twineall--[_Bows, and exit._ + +_Twi._ Sir Luke, your garden _does_ look so divinely beautiful-- + +_Sir Luke._ Come, my Lord, will you take a turn in it? Come Mr. +Twineall--come my dear--[_taking her hand._] I can't think what +business Mr. Haswell has to speak to me upon--for my part, I am +quite a plain man--and busy myself about no one's affairs, except +my own--but I dare say your Lordship has forgot all we have been +talking about. + +_Lord._ If you permit me, Sir Luke, I'll hand the Lady. + +_Sir Luke._ Certainly, my Lord, if you please--come, Mr. Twineall, and +I'll conduct you. [_Exeunt._ + +END OF THE FIRST ACT. + + + + +ACT II. + + +SCENE I. _An Apartment at Sir_ Luke Tremor'_s_. + +_Enter_ Twineall _and_ Meanright. + + +_Twi._ My dear friend, after so long a separation, how glad I am to +meet you!--but how devilish unlucky that you shou'd, on the very day +of my arrival, be going to set sail for another part of the world! yet +before you go, I must beg a favour of you--you know Sir Luke and his +family perfectly well, I dare say? + +_Mean._ I think so--I have been in his house near six years. + +_Twi._ The very person on earth I wanted!--Sir Luke has power here, +I suppose?--a word from him might do a man some service perhaps? +[_significantly._ + +_Mean._ Why, yes; I don't know a man that has more influence at a +certain place. + +_Twin._ And her Ladyship seems a very clever gentlewoman? + +_Mean._ Very. + +_Twi._ And I have a notion they think _me_ very clever. + +_Mean._ I dare say they do. + +_Twi._ Yes--but I mean _very_ clever. + +_Mean._ No doubt! + +_Twi._ But, my dear friend, you must help me to make them think better +of me still--and when _my_ fortune is made, I'll make _yours_--for +when I once become acquainted with people's dispositions, their little +weaknesses, foibles and faults, I can wind, twist, twine, and get into +the corner of every one's heart, and lie so snug, they can't know I'm +there, till they want to pull me out, and find 'tis impossible. + +_Mean._ Excellent talent! + +_Twi._ Is not it? and now, my dear friend, do you inform me of the +secret dispositions, and propensities of every one in this family, +and of all their connections.--What Lady values herself upon one +qualification, and what Lady upon another?--What Gentleman will like +to be told of his accomplishments? or what man would rather hear +of his wife's, or his daughter's?--or of his horses? or of his +dogs?--now, my dear Ned, acquaint me with all this--and within a +fortnight I will become the most necessary rascal----not a creature +shall know how to exist without me. + +_Mean._ Why such a man as you ought to have made your fortune in +England. + +_Twi._ No--my father, and my three uncles monopolized all the great +men themselves; and wou'd never introduce me where I was likely to +become their rival--This--this is the very spot for me to display +my genius--But then I must penetrate the people first--and you will +kindly save me that trouble.--Come, give me all their characters--all +their little propensities--all their whims--in short, all I am to +praise--and all I am to avoid praising,--in order to endear myself to +them. [_Takes out tablets._] Come--begin with Sir Luke. + +_Mean._ Sir Luke--values himself more upon personal bravery, than upon +any thing else. + +_Twi._ Thank you, my dear friend--thank you. [_Writes._] Was he ever +in the army? + +_Mean._ Oh yes--besieged a capital fortress, a few years ago--and +now, the very name of a battle or a great general tickles his vanity, +and he takes all the praises you can lavish upon the subject as +compliments to himself. + +_Twi._ Thank you--thank you a thousand times--[_Writes._] I'll mention +a battle very soon. + +_Mean._ Not directly. + +_Twi._ O, no--let me alone for time and place--go on, my friend--go +on--her Ladyship-- + +_Mean._ Descended from the ancient kings of Scotland. + +_Twi._ You don't say so! + +_Mean._ And though she is so nicely scrupulous as never to mention the +word genealogy, yet I have seen her agitation so great, when the +advantages of high birth have been extoll'd, she could scarcely +withhold her sentiments of triumph; which in order to disguise, she +has assumed a disdain for all "vain titles--empty sounds--and idle +pomp." + +_Twi._ Thank you--thank you--this is a most excellent _trait_ of the +Lady's--[_Writes._] "Pedigree of the kings of Scotland?" O, I have her +at once. + +_Mean._ Yet do it nicely--oblique touches, rather than open explanations. + +_Twi._ Let me alone for that. + +_Mean._ She has, I know, in her possession--but I dare say she wou'd +not show it you, nay, on the contrary, would even _affect_ to be +highly offended, if you were to mention it--and yet it certainly would +flatter her, to know you were acquainted with her having it. + +_Twi._ What--what--what is it? + +_Mean._ A large old-fashioned wig--which Malcolm the third or fourth, +her great ancestor, wore when he was crowned at Scone, in the year---- + +_Twi._ I'll mention it. + +_Mean._ Take care. + +_Twi._ O, let me alone for the _manner_. + +_Mean._ She'll pretend to be angry. + +_Twi._ That I am prepared for.--Pray who is my Lord Flint? + +_Mean._ A deep man--and a great favourite at court. + +_Twi._ Indeed!--how am I to please him? + +_Mean._ By insinuations against the _present_ Sultan. + +_Twi._ How! + +_Mean._ With all his pretended attachment, his heart---- + +_Twi._ Are you _sure_ of it? + +_Mean._ Sure:--he blinds Sir Luke, (who by the bye is no great +politician) but I know his Lordship--and if he thought he was sure of +his ground--(and he thinks he _shall_ be sure of it soon)--then-- + +_Twi._ I'll insinuate myself and join his party--but, in the mean +time, preserve good terms with Sir Luke, in case any thing shou'd fall +in my way there.--Who is Mr. Haswell? + +_Mean._ He pretends to be a man of principle and sentiment--flatter +him on that. + +_Twi._ The easiest thing in the world--no people like flattery +better than such as he.--They will bear even to hear their _vices_ +praised.--I will myself undertake to praise the vices of a man of +sentiment till he shall think them so many virtues.--You have +mentioned no Ladies, but the Lady of the house yet. + +_Mean._ There is no other Lady, except a pretty girl who came over +from England, about two years ago, for a husband, and not succeeding +in another part of the country, is now recommended to this house--and +has been here three or four months. + +_Twi._ Let me alone, to please her. + +_Mean._ Yes--I believe you are skilled. + +_Twi._ For the art of flattery, no one more. + +_Mean._ But damn it--it is not a liberal art. + +_Twi._ It is a great science, notwithstanding--and studied, at +present, by all the connoisseurs.--Zounds! I have staid a long time--I +can't attend to any more characters at present--Sir Luke and his Lady +will think me inattentive, if I don't join them--Shall I see you +again?--if not--I wish you a pleasant voyage--I'll make the most +of what you have told me--you'll hear I'm a great man--God bless +you!--good bye!--you'll hear I'm a great man. [_Exit._ + +_Mean._ And, if I am not mistaken, I shall hear you are turned out of +the house before to-morrow morning. O, Twineall! exactly the _reverse_ +of every character have you now before you--the greatest misfortune in +the life of Sir Luke has been, flying from his army in the midst of an +engagement, and a most humiliating degradation in consequence, which +makes him so feelingly alive on the subject of a battle, that nothing +but his want of courage can secure my friend Twineall's life for +venturing to name the subject--then Lord Flint, firmly _attached_ to +the _interest_ of the Sultan, will be all on fire, when he hears of +open disaffection--but most of all her Ladyship! whose father was +a grocer, and uncle, a noted advertising "Periwig-maker on a new +construction." She will run mad to hear of births, titles, and long +pedigrees.--Poor Twineall! little dost thou think what is prepared +for thee.--There is Mr. Haswell too--but to him have I sent you to be +reclaimed--to him,--who, free from faults, or even foibles, of his +own, has yet more potently the blessing given, of tenderness for ours. +[_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. _The inside of a Prison._ + +_Several Prisoners dispersed in different situations._ + +_Enter_ Keeper _and_ Haswell _with lights_. + + +_Keep._ This way, Sir--the prisons this way are more extensive +still--you seem to feel for these unthinking men--but they are a set +of unruly people, whom no severity can make such as they ought to be. + +_Has._ And wou'd not gentleness, or mercy, do you think, reclaim them? + +_Keep._ That I can't say--we never try those means in this part of the +world--that man yonder, suspected of disaffection, is sentenced to be +here for life, unless his friends can lay down a large sum by way of +penalty, which he finds they cannot do, and he is turned melancholy. + +_Has._ [_After a pause._] Who is that? [_To another._ + +_Keep._ He has been try'd for heading an insurrection, and acquitted. + +_Has._ What keeps him here? + +_Keep._ Fees due to the Court--a debt contracted while he proved his +innocence. + +_Has._ Lead on, my friend--let us go to some other part. [_Putting his +hand to his eyes._ + +_Keep._ In this ward, we are going to, are the prisoners, who by some +small reserve--some little secreted stock when they arrived--or by +the bounty of some friend who visit them----or suchlike fortunate +circumstance, are in a less dismal place. + +_Has._ Lead on. + +_Keep._ But stop--put on this cloak, for, before we arrive at the +place I mention, we must pass a damp vault, which to those who are not +used to it--[Haswell _puts on the cloak_]--or will you postpone your +visit? + +_Has._ No--go on. + +_Keep._ Alas! who wou'd suppose you had been used to see such +places!--you look concerned--vext to see the people suffer--I wonder +you shou'd come, when you seem to think so much about them. + +_Has._ Oh! that, that is the very reason. [_Exit, following the Keeper._ + + [Zedan, _a tawny Indian Prisoner, follows them, stealing + out, as if intent on something_.] + + _Two Prisoners walk slowly down the stage._ + +_1st Pris._ Who is this man? + +_2d Pris._ From Britain--I have seen him once before. + +_1st Pris._ He looks pale--he has no heart. + +_2d Pris._ I believe, a pretty large one. + + _Re-enter_ Zedan. + +_Zed._ Brother, a word with you. [_To the 1st Prisoner, the other +retires._] As the stranger and our keeper passed by the passage, a +noxious vapour put out the light, and as they groped along I purloined +_this_ from the stranger--[_Shews a pocket-book_] see it contains two +notes will pay our ransom. [_Shewing the notes._ + +_1st Pris._ A treasure--our certain ransom! + +_Zed._ Liberty! our wives, our children, and our friends, will these +papers purchase. + +_1st Pris._ What a bribe! our keeper may rejoice too. + +_Zed._ And then the pleasure it will be to hear the stranger fret, and +complain for his loss!--O, how my heart loves to see sorrow!--Misery +such as I have known, on men who spurn me--who treat me as if (in my +own Island) I had no friends that loved me--no servants that paid me +honour--no children that revered me--who forget I am a husband--a +father--nay, a _man_.-- + +_1st Pris._ Conceal your thoughts--conceal your treasure too--or the +Briton's complaint-- + +_Zed._ Will be in vain--our keeper will conclude the bribe must come +to him, at last--and therefore make no great search for it--here, +in the corner of my belt [_Puts up the pocket-book_] 'twill be +secure--Come this way, and let us indulge our pleasant prospect. +[_They retire, and the scene closes._ + + +SCENE III. _Another part of the Prison._ + +_A kind of sopha with an old man sleeping upon it_--Elvirus _sitting +attentively by him_. + +_Enter_ Keeper _and_ Haswell. + + +_Keep._ That young man, you see there, watching his aged father as he +sleeps, by the help of fees gains his admission--and he never quits +the place, except to go and purchase cordials for the old man, who, +(though healthy and strong when he first became a prisoner) is now +become ill and languid. + +_Has._ Are they from Europe? + +_Keep._ No--but descended from Europeans--see how the youth holds his +father's hand!--I have sometimes caught him bathing it with tears. + +_Has._ I'll speak to the young man. [_Going to him._ + +_Keep._ He will speak as soon as he sees me--he has sent a petition to +the Sultan about his father, and never fails to inquire if a reply is +come. [_They approach_--Elvirus _starts, and comes forward_] + +_Elv._ [_To_ Haswell] Sir, do you come from the Court? has the Sultan +received my humble supplication? Can you tell?--softly--let not my +father hear you speak. + +_Has._ I come but as a stranger, to see the prison. + +_Elv._ No answer yet, keeper? + +_Keep._ No--I told you it was in vain to write--they never read +petitions sent from prisons--their hearts are hardened to such +worn-out tales of sorrow. [Elvirus _turns towards his Father and +weeps_. + +_Has._ Pardon me, Sir--but what is the request you are thus denied? + +_Elv._ Behold my father! but three months has he been confined here; +and yet--unless he breathes a purer air--O, if _you_ have influence at +Court, Sir, pray represent what passes in this dreary prison--what +passes in my heart.----My supplication is to remain a prisoner +here, while my father, released, shall be permitted to retire to +humble life; and never more take arms in a cause the Sultan may +suspect--which engagement broken, _my life_ shall be the forfeit.--Or +if the Sultan wou'd allow me to serve him as a soldier-- + +_Has._ You would fight against the party your father fought for? + +_Elv._ [_Starting._] No--but in the forests--or on the desert +sands--amongst those slaves who are sent to battle with the wild +Indians--there I wou'd go--and earn the boon I ask----or in the +mines-- + +_Has._ Give me your name--I will, at least, present your suit--and, +perhaps-- + +_Elv._ Sir! do you think it is likely? Joyful hearing! + +_Has._ Nay, be not too hasty in your hopes--I cannot _answer_ for my +success. [_Repeats_] "Your father humbly implores to be released from +prison--and, in his stead, _you_ take his chains--or, for the Sultan's +service, fight as a slave, or dig in his mines?" + +_Elv._ Exactly, Sir--that is the petition--I thank you, Sir. + +_Keep._ You don't know, young man, what it _is_ to dig in mines--or +fight against foes, who make their prisoners die by unheard-of +tortures. + +_Elv._ _You_ do not know, Sir, what it _is_,--to see a parent suffer. + +_Has._ [_Writing_] Your name, Sir? + +_Elv._ Elvirus Casimir.-- + +_Has._ Your father's? + +_Elv._ The same--one who followed agriculture in the fields of +Symria--but, induced by the call of freedom-- + +_Has._ How? have a care. + +_Elv._ No--his son, by the call of nature, supplicates his freedom. + +_Keep._ The rebel, you find, breaks out. + +_Elv._ [_Aside to the Keeper._] Silence--silence! he forgives it--don't +remind him of it--don't undo my hopes. + +_Has._ I will serve you if I can. + +_Elv._ And I will merit it--indeed I will--you shall not complain of +me--I will be-- + +_Has._ Retire--I trust you. [Elvirus _bows lowly, and retires_.] + +_Keep._ Yonder cell contains a female prisoner. + +_Has._ A female prisoner! + +_Keep._ Without a friend or comforter, she has existed there these +many years--nearly fifteen. + +_Has._ Is it possible! + +_Keep._ Wou'd you wish to see her? + +_Has._ If it won't give her pain. + +_Keep._ At least, she'll not resent it--for she seldom complains, +except in moans to herself--[_Goes to the cell._] Lady, here is one +come to visit all the prisoners--please to appear before him. + +_Has._ I thank you--you speak with reverence and respect to her. + +_Keep._ She has been of some note, though now so totally unfriended--at +least, we _think_ she has, from her gentle manners; and our governor +is in the daily expectation of some liberal ransom for her, which +makes her imprisonment without a hope of release, till that day +arrives--[_Going to the cell_]--Lend me your hand--you are weak. [_He +leads her from the cell--she appears faint--and as if the light +affected her eyes_--Haswell _pulls off his hat, and, after a pause_-- + +_Has._ I fear you are not in health, Lady?---- + + [_She looks at him solemnly for some time._ + +_Keep._ Speak--Madam, speak. + +_Pris._ No--not very well. [_Faintingly._ + +_Has._ Where are your friends? When do you expect your ransom? + +_Pris._ [_Shaking her head._] Never. + +_Keep._ She persists to say so; thinking by that declaration, we shall +release her _without_ a ransom. + +_Has._ Is that your motive? + +_Pris._ I know no motive for a falsehood. + +_Has._ I was to blame--pardon me. + +_Keep._ Your answers are somewhat prouder than usual. + + [_He retires up the stage._ + +_Pris._ They are.--[_To_ Haswell] Forgive me--I am mild with all of +these--but from a countenance like yours--I could not bear reproach. + +_Has._ You flatter me. + +_Pris._ Alas! Sir, and what have I to hope from such a meaness?--You +do not come to ransom me. + +_Has._ Perhaps I do. + +_Pris._ Oh! do not say so--unless--unless--I am not to be deceived +--pardon in your turn this suspicion--but when I have so much to +hope for--when the sun, the air, fields, woods, and all that wonderous +world, wherein I have been so happy, is in prospect; forgive me, if +the vast hope makes me fear. + +_Has._ Unless your ransom is fixed at something beyond my power to +give, I _will_ release you. + +_Pris._ Release me! Benevolent! + +_Has._ How shall I mark you down in my petition? [_Takes out his +book._] what name? + +_Pris._ 'Tis almost blotted from my memory. [_Weeping._ + +_Keep._ It is of little note--a female prisoner, taken with the rebel +party, and in these cells confined for fifteen years. + +_Pris._ During which time I have demeaned myself with all humility to +my governors--neither have I distracted my fellow prisoners with a +complaint that might recall to their memory their own unhappy fate--I +have been obedient, patient; and cherished hope to chear me with vain +dreams, while despair possess'd my reason. + +_Has._ Retire--I will present the picture you have given. + +_Pris._ Succeed too--or, never let me see you more--[_She goes up the +stage._ + +_Has._ You never shall. + +_Pris._ [_Returns_] Or, if you shou'd miscarry in your views [for who +forms plans that do not sometimes fail?] I will not reproach you even +to _myself_----no--nor will I suffer _much_ from the disappointment +--merely that you may not have, what I suffer, to account for. +[_Exit to her cell._ + +_Has._ Excellent mind! + +_Keep._ In this cell--[_Going to another._ + +_Has._ No--take me away--I have enough to do--I dare not see more at +present.--[_Exeunt._ + + +SCENE IV. _The former Prison Scene._ + +_Enter_ Zedan. + + +_Zed._ They are coming--I'll stand here in his sight, that, shou'd he +miss what I have taken, he'll not suspect me, but suppose it is one +who has hid himself. + + _Enter_ Keeper _and_ Haswell. + +_Keep._ [_To_ Zedan] What makes you here?--still moping by yourself, +and lamenting for your family?--[_To_ Haswell] that man, the most +ferocious I ever met with--laments, sometimes even with tears, the +separation from his wife and children. + +_Has._ [_Going to him_] I am sorry for you, friend; [Zedan _looks +sullen and morose_.] I pity you. + +_Keep._ Yes--he had a pleasant hamlet on the neighbouring island--plenty +of fruits--clear springs--and wholesome roots--and now complains +bitterly of his repasts--sour rice, and muddy water. [_Exit Keeper._ + +_Has._ Poor man! bear your sorrows nobly--and as we are alone--no +miserable eye to grudge the favour--[_Looking round_] take this +trifle--[_Gives money_] it will at least make your meals better for a +few short weeks--till Heaven may please to favour you with a less +sharp remembrance of the happiness you have lost--Farewell. [_Going._] +[Zedan _catches hold of him, and taking the pocket-book from his belt, +puts it into_ Haswell'_s hand_.] + +_Has._ What's this? + +_Zed._ I meant to gain my liberty with it--but I will not vex you. + +_Has._ How came you by it? + +_Zed._ Stole it--and wou'd have stabb'd you too, had you been +alone--but I am glad I did not--Oh! I am glad I did not. + +_Has._ You like me then? + +_Zed._ [_Shakes his head and holds his heart._] 'Tis something that I +never felt before--it makes me like not only you, but all the world +besides--the love of my family was confined to them alone; but this +makes me feel I could love even my enemies. + +_Has._ Oh, nature! grateful! mild! gentle! and forgiving!--worst of +tyrants they who, by hard usage, drive you to be cruel! + + _Enter_ Keeper. + +_Keep._ The lights are ready, Sir, through the dark passage-- +[_To_ Zedan.] Go to your fellows. + +_Has._ [_To_ Zedan.] Farewell--we will meet again. + + [Zedan _exit on one side_, Haswell _and_ Keeper _exeunt on + the other_. + +END OF THE SECOND ACT. + + + + +ACT III. + + +SCENE I. _An Apartment at Sir_ Luke Tremor'_s_. + +_Enter Sir_ Luke _and_ Aurelia. + + +_Sir Luke._ Why, then Aurelia, (though I never mention'd it to my +Lady Tremor) my friend wrote me word, he had reason to suppose your +affections were improperly fixed upon a young gentleman in that +neighbourhood; and this was his reason for wishing you to leave that +place to come hither--and this continual dejection convinces me my +friend was not mistaken--answer me--can you say he was? + +_Aur._ Why, then, Sir Luke, candidly to confess-- + +_Sir Luke._ Nay, no tears--why in tears? for a husband? be comforted +--we'll get you one ere long, I warrant. + +_Aur._ Dear, Sir Luke, how can you imagine I am in tears because I +have not a husband, while you see Lady Tremor every day in tears for +the very opposite cause? + +_Sir Luke._ No matter--women like a husband through pride--and I have +known a woman marry from that very motive, even a man she has been +ashamed of. + +_Aur._ Why, then I dare say, poor Lady Tremor married from pride. + +_Sir Luke._ Yes;--and I'll let her know pride is painful. + +_Aur._ But, Sir, her Ladyship's philosophy-- + +_Sir Luke._ She has no philosophy. + + _Enter Lady_ Tremor _and_ Twineall. + +_Sir Luke._ Where is his Lordship? What have you done with him? + +_Lady._ He's speaking a word to Mr. Meanright about his passport +to England.--Did you mean me, Sir Luke, that had no philosophy? I +protest, I have a great deal. + +_Sir Luke._ When? where did you shew it? + +_Lady._ Why, when the servant at my Lady Grissel's threw a whole urn +of boiling water upon your legs, did I give any proofs of female +weakness? did I faint, scream, or even shed a tear? + +_Sir Luke._ No--no--very true--and while I lay sprawling on the +carpet, I could see you fanning and holding the smelling bottle to the +Lady of the house, begging her not to make herself uneasy, "for that +the accident was of no manner of consequence." + +_Aur._ Dear Sir, don't be angry;--I am sure her Ladyship spoke as she +thought. + +_Sir Luke._ I suppose she did, Miss. + +_Aur._ I mean--she thought the accident might be easily got the better +of--She thought you might be easily recovered. + +_Lady._ No, indeed, I did not--but I thought Sir Luke had frequently +charged me with the want of patience; and that moment, the very thing +in the world I cou'd have wished, happened--on purpose to give me an +opportunity to prove his accusation false. + +_Sir Luke._ Very well, Madam--but did not the whole company cry shame +on your behaviour? did not they say, it was not the conduct of a wife? + +_Lady._ Only our particular acquaintance cou'd say so--for the rest of +the company, I am sure, did not take me to be your wife--thank Heaven, +our appearances never betray that secret--do you think we look like +the same flesh and blood? + +_Sir Luke._ That day, in particular, we did not--for I remember you +had been no less than three hours at your toilet. + +_Aur._ And, indeed, Sir Luke, if you were to use milk of roses, and +several other little things of that kind, you can't think how much +more like a fine gentleman you wou'd look.--Such things as those make, +almost, all the difference there is between you and such a gentleman +as Mr. Twineall. + +_Twi._ No, pardon me, Madam--a face like _mine_ may use those +things--but in Sir Luke's, they wou'd entirely destroy that fine +martial appearance--[_Sir_ Luke _looks confounded_.] which women as +well as men admire--for, as valour is the first ornament of _our_ +sex---- + +_Lady._ What are you saying, Mr. Twineall? [_Aside._] I'll keep him on +this subject if I can. + +_Twi._ I was going to observe, Madam--that the reputation of a +General--which puts me in mind, Sir Luke, of an account I read of a +battle--[_He crosses over to Sir_ Luke, _who turns up the Stage in the +utmost confusion, and steals out of the room_.] + +_Lady._ Well, Sir--go on--go on--you were going to introduce-- + +_Twi._ A battle, Madam--but, Sir Luke is gone! + +_Lady._ Never mind that, Sir--he generally runs away on these +occasions. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Coming back._] What were you saying, Aurelia, about a +husband? + +_Lady._ She did not speak. + +_Sir Luke._ To be sure, Ladies in India do get husbands very quick. + +_Twi._ Not always--I am told, Sir Luke----Women of family, [_fixing +his eyes stedfastly on Lady_ Tremor.] indeed, may soon enter into the +matrimonial state--but the rich men in India, we are told in England, +are grown lately very particular with whom they marry, and there is +not a man of any repute that will now look upon a woman as a wife, +unless she is descended from a good family. [_Looking at Lady_ Tremor, +_who walks up the Stage and steals off, just as Sir_ Luke _had done +before_. + +_Sir Luke._ I am very sorry--very sorry to say, Mr. Twineall, that has +not been always the case. + +_Twi._ Then I am very sorry too, Sir Luke; for it is as much +impossible that a woman, who is not born of a good family, can be-- +[_Lady_ Tremor _returns_. + +_Sir Luke._ That is just what I say--they _cannot_ be-- + +_Lady._ Sir Luke, let me tell you-- + +_Sir Luke._ It does not signify _telling_, my dear,--you have _proved_ +it. + +_Lady._ [_To_ Twineall.] Sir, let me tell _you_-- + +_Twi._ O! O! my dear Madam, 'tis all in vain--there is no such +thing--it can't be--there is no pleading against conviction--a person +of low birth must, in every particular, be a terrible creature. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Going to her._] A terrible creature! a terrible +creature! + +_Lady._ Here comes my Lord Flint--I'll appeal to him. + + _Enter Lord_ Flint. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Going to him._] My Lord, I was saying, as proof that our +great Sultan, who now fills this throne, is no impostor, (as the rebel +party wou'd insinuate) no low-born man, but of the Royal Stock; his +conduct palpably evinces--for, had he not been nobly born, we shou'd +have beheld the Plebeian bursting forth upon all occasions [_Looking +at Lady_ Tremor] and then, Heaven help all those who had had any +dealings with him! + +_Lady._ Provoking! [_Goes up the stage._ + +_Lord._ Sir Luke, is there a doubt of the Emperor's birth and title? +he is the real Sultan, depend upon it--it surprises me to hear you +talk with the smallest uncertainty. + +_Twi._ O, Sir Luke, I wonder at it too, [_Aside to Lord_ Flint.] +and yet, damn me, my Lord, if I have not my doubts. [_Lord_ Flint +_starts_. + +_Sir Luke. I_, my Lord? far be it from me! I was only saying what +other people said; for my part _I_ never harboured a doubt of the +kind.--[_Aside._] My head begins to nod, only for that word--pray +Heaven, I may die with it on!--I shou'd not like to lose my head--nor +shou'd I like to die by a bullet--nor by a small sword--and a cannon +ball wou'd be as disagreeable, as any thing, I know--it is very +odd--but I never yet could make up my mind, in what manner I shou'd +like to go out of the world. [_During this speech._ Twineall _is +paying court to Lord_ Flint; _they come forward and Sir_ Luke +_retires_. + +_Lord._ Your temerity astonishes me! + +_Twi._ I must own, my Lord, I feel somewhat aukward in saying +it to your Lordship--but my own heart--my own conscience--my own +sentiments--they _are_ my own--and they are dear to me.--And so it +is--the Sultan does not appear to be [_With significance._] that great +man some people think him. + +_Lord._ Sir, you astonish me--pray what is your name? I have forgotten +it. + +_Twi._ Twineall, my Lord--the honourable Henry Twineall--your Lordship +does me great honour to ask--arrived this morning from England, as +your Lordship may remember--in the ship Mercury, my Lord--and all the +officers on board speaking with the highest admiration and warmest +terms of your Lordship's official character. + +_Lord._ Why, then, Mr. Twineall, I am very sorry-- + +_Twi._ And so am I, my Lord, that your sentiments and mine shou'd so +far disagree, as I _know_ they do.--I am not unacquainted with your +firm adherence to the Emperor--but I am unused to disguise my thoughts--I +cou'd not, if I wou'd--I have no little views--no sinister motives--no +plots--no intrigues--no schemes of preferment,--and I verily believe +that if a large scymitar was now directed at my head--or a large +pension directed to my pocket--(in the first case at least) I shou'd +speak my mind. + +_Lord._ [_Aside._] A dangerous young man this! and I may make +something of the discovery. + +_Twi._ [_Aside._] It tickles him to the soul, I find.--My Lord, now I +begin to be warm on the subject, I feel myself quite agitated--and, +from the intelligence which I have heard, even when I was in +England,--there is every reason to suppose----exm--exm--exm-- +[_Mutters._] + +_Lord._ What, Sir? what? + +_Twi._ You understand me. + +_Lord._ No, Sir--explain. + +_Twi._ Why, then, there is every reason to suppose--some people are +not what they shou'd be--pardon my thoughts, if they are wrong. + +_Lord._ I _do_ pardon your thoughts, with all my heart--but your +words, young man, must be answer'd for [_Aside._] Lady Tremor, good +morning. + +_Twi._ [_Aside._] He is going to ruminate on my sentiments, I dare +say. + +_Lady._ Shall we have your Lordship's company towards the evening? Mr. +Haswell will be here; if your Lordship has no objection? + +_Sir Luke._ How do you know Mr. Haswell will be here? + +_Lady._ Because he has just called, in his way to the Palace, and said +so--and he has been telling us some very interesting stories too. + +_Sir Luke._ Of his morning visits, I suppose--I heard Meanright say he +saw him very busy. + +_Lady._ Sir Luke and I dine out, my Lord; but we shall return early in +the evening. + +_Lord._ I will be here, without fail.--Sir Luke, a word with you if +you please--[_They come forward._] Mr. Twineall has taken some very +improper liberties with the Sultan's name, and I must insist on making +him answer for it. + +_Sir Luke._ My Lord, you are extremely welcome [_Trembling._] to do +whatever your Lordship pleases with any one belonging to me, or to my +house--but I hope your Lordship will pay some regard to the master of +it. + +_Lord._ O! great regard to the master--and to the mistress also.--But +for that gentleman---- + +_Sir Luke._ Do _what_ your Lordship pleases. + +_Lord._ I will--and I will make him-- + +_Sir Luke._ If your Lordship does not forget it. + +_Lord._ I shan't forget it, Sir Luke--I have a very good memory, when +I please. + +_Sir Luke._ I don't, in the least, doubt it, my Lord--I never did +doubt it. + +_Lord._ And I can be very severe too, Sir Luke, when I please. + +_Sir Luke._ I don't, in the least, doubt it, my Lord--I never did +doubt it. + +_Lord._ You may depend upon seeing me here in the evening--and then +you shall find I have not threatened more than I mean to perform--good +morning! + +_Sir Luke._ Good morning, my Lord--I don't in the least doubt it. +[_Exit Lord_ Flint. + +_Lady._ [_Coming forward with_ Twineall.] For Heaven's sake, Mr. +Twineall, what has birth to do with-- + +_Twi._ It has to do with _every thing_, Madam--even with beauty--and I +wish I may suffer death, if a woman, with all the mental and personal +accomplishments of the finest creature in Europe, wou'd to me be of +that value, [_Snapping his fingers._] if lowly born. + +_Sir Luke._ And I sincerely wish every man who visits me was of the +same opinion. + +_Aur._ For shame, Mr. Twineall! persons of mean birth ought not to be +despised for what it was not in their power to prevent--and if it is a +misfortune, you shou'd consider them only as objects of pity. + +_Twi._ And so I do pity them--and so I do--most sincerely--poor +creatures! [_Looking on Lady_ Tremor. + +_Sir Luke._ Aye, now he has mended it finely. + +_Lady._ Mr. Twineall, let me tell you-- + +_Sir Luke._ My dear--Lady Tremor--[_Taking her aside._] let him +alone--let him go on--there is something preparing for him he little +expects--so let the poor man say and do what he pleases, for the +present--it won't last long--for he has offended my Lord Flint, and, +I dare say his Lordship will be able, upon some account or another, to +get him imprisoned for life. + +_Lady._ Imprisoned! Why not take off his head at once? + +_Sir Luke._ Well, my dear--I am sure I have no objection--and I dare +say my Lord will have it done, to oblige you.--Egad, I must make +friends with her to keep mine safe. [_Aside._ + +_Lady._ Do you mean to take him out to dinner with us? + +_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear, if you approve of it--not else. + +_Lady._ You are grown extremely polite. + +_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear, his Lordship has taught me how to be +polite.--Mr. Twineall, Lady Tremor and I are going to prepare for our +visit, and I will send a servant to shew you to your apartment, in +order to dress, for you will favour us with your company, I hope? + +_Twi._ Certainly, Sir Luke, I shall do myself the honour. + +_Lady._ Come this way, Aurelia, I can't bear to look at him. +[_Exit with_ Aurelia. + +_Sir Luke._ Nor I to _think_ of him. [_Exit._ + +_Twi._ If I have not settled my business in this family, I am +mistaken--they seem to have but one mind about me.--Devilish clever +fellow, egad!--I am the man to send into the world--such a volatile, +good-looking scoundrel too! No one suspects me----to be sure I am +under some few obligations to my friend for letting me into the +different characters of the family--and yet I don't know whether I +am obliged to him or not--for if he had not made me acquainted with +them--I shou'd soon have had the skill to find them out myself.--No; +I will not think myself under any obligation to him--it is devilish +inconvenient for a gentleman to be under an obligation. [_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. _The Palace. The Sultan discovered with guards and officers +attending._ + +Haswell _is conducted in by an officer_. + + +_Sul._ Sir, you are summoned to receive our thanks, for the troops +restored to health by your kind prescriptions.--Ask a reward adequate +to your services. + +_Has._ Sultan--the reward I ask, is to preserve more of your people +still. + +_Sul._ How more? my subjects are in health--no contagion reigns +amongst them. + +_Has._ The prisoner is your subject--there misery--more contagious +than disease, preys on the lives of hundreds--sentenced but to +confinement, their doom is death.--Immured in damp and dreary vaults, +they daily perish--and who can tell but that amongst the many hapless +sufferers, there may be hearts, bent down with penitence to Heaven and +you, for every slight offence--there may be some amongst the wretched +multitude, even innocent victims.--Let me seek them out--let me save +them, and you. + +_Sul._ Amazement! retract your application--curb this weak pity; and +receive our thanks. + +_Has._ Curb my pity?--and what can I receive in recompence for that +soft bond, which links me to the wretched?--and while it sooths their +sorrow repays me more, than all the gifts or homage of an empire.----But +if repugnant to your plan of government--not in the name of pity--but +of justice. + +_Sul._ Justice!---- + +_Has._ The justice which forbids all but the worst of criminals to be +denied that wholesome air the very brute creation freely takes; at +least allow them _that_. + +_Sul._ Consider, Sir, for whom you plead--for men, (if not base +culprits) yet so misled, so depraved, they are offensive to our state, +and deserve none of its blessings. + +_Has._ If not upon the undeserving,--if not upon the hapless wanderer +from the paths of rectitude,--where shall the sun diffuse his light, +or the clouds distil their dew? Where shall spring breathe fragrance, +or autumn pour its plenty? + +_Sul._ Sir, your sentiments, but much more your character, excite my +curiosity. They tell me, in our camps, you visited each sick man's +bed,--administered yourself the healing draught,--encouraged our +savages with the hope of life, or pointed out their _better_ hope in +death.----The widow speaks your charities--the orphan lisps your +bounties--and the rough Indian melts in tears to bless you.----I wish +to ask _why_ you have done all this?--What is it prompts you thus to +befriend the wretched and forlorn? + +_Has._ In vain for me to explain--the time it wou'd take to tell you +why I act thus---- + +_Sul._ Send it in writing then. + +_Has._ Nay, if you will _read_, I'll send a book, in which is +_already_ written why I act thus. + +_Sul._ What book?--What is it called? + +_Has._ "The Christian Doctrine." [Haswell _bows here with the utmost +reverence_.] There you will find all I have done was but my duty. + +_Sul._ [_To the Guards._] Retire, and leave me alone with the +stranger. [_All retire except_ Haswell _and the_ Sultan. _They come +forward._] + +_Sul._ Your words recall reflections that distract me; nor can I bear +the pressure on my mind without confessing--I am a Christian. + +_Has._ A Christian!--What makes you thus assume the apostate? + +_Sul._ Misery, and despair. + +_Has._ What made you a Christian? + +_Sul._ My Arabella,--a lovely European, sent hither in her youth, by +her mercenary parents, to sell herself to the prince of all these +territories. But 'twas my happy lot, in humble life, to win her love, +snatch her from his expecting arms, and bear her far away--where, in +peaceful solitude we lived, till, in the heat of the rebellion against +the late Sultan, I was forced from my happy home to bear a part.--I +chose the imputed rebels side, and fought for the young aspirer.--An +arrow, in the midst of the engagement, pierced his heart; and his +officers, alarmed at the terror this stroke of fate might cause +amongst their troops, urged me (as I bore his likeness) to counterfeit +it farther, and shew myself to the soldiers as their king recovered. I +yielded to their suit, because it gave me ample power to avenge the +loss of my Arabella, who had been taken from her home by the merciless +foe, and barbarously murdered. + +_Has._ Murdered! + +_Sul._ I learnt so--and my fruitless search to find her since has +confirmed the intelligence.--Frantic for her loss, I joyfully embraced +a scheme which promised vengeance on the enemy--it prospered,--and I +revenged my wrongs and her's, with such unsparing justice on the foe, +that even the men who made me what I was, trembled to reveal their +imposition; and they find it still their interest to continue it. + +_Has._ Amazement! + +_Sul._ Nay, they fill my prisons every day with wretches, that +dare whisper I am not the real Sultan, but a stranger. The secret, +therefore, I myself safely relate in private: the danger is to him who +speaks it again; and, with this caution, I trust, it is safe with you. + +_Has._ It was, without that caution.--Now hear me.----Involved in +deeds, in cruelties, which your better thoughts revolt at, the meanest +wretch your camps or prisons hold, claims not half the compassion +_you_ have excited. Permit me, then, to be your comforter, as I have +been theirs. + +_Sul._ Impossible! + +_Has._ In the most fatal symptoms I have undertaken the body's cure. +The mind's disease, perhaps, I'm not less a stranger to--Oh! trust the +noble patient to my care. + +_Sul._ How will you begin? + +_Has._ Lead you to behold the wretched in their misery, and then +shew you yourself in their deliverer.----I have your promise for a +boon--'tis this.--Give me the liberty of six that I shall name, now +in confinement, and be yourself a witness of their enlargement.--See +joy lighted in the countenance where sorrow still has left its rough +remains.--Behold the tear of rapture chase away that of anguish--hear +the faultering voice, long used to lamentation, in broken accents, +utter thanks and blessings.--Behold this scene, and if you find the +medicine ineffectual, dishonour your physician. + +_Sul._ I will behold it. + +_Has._ Come, then, to the governor's house this very night--into that +council room so often perverted to the use of the torture; and there, +unknown to them as their king, you shall be witness to all the +grateful heart can dictate, and enjoy all that benevolence can taste. + +_Sul._ I will meet you there. + +_Has._ In the evening? + +_Sul._ At ten precisely.--Guards, conduct the stranger from the +palace. [_Exit Sultan._ + +_Has._ Thus far advanced, what changes may not be hoped for? [_Exit._ + +END OF THE THIRD ACT. + + + + +ACT IV. + + +SCENE I. _An Apartment at Sir_ Luke'_s_. + +_Enter_ Elvirus _and_ Aurelia. + + +_Elvirus._ Oh my Aurelia! since the time I first saw you--since you +left the pleasant spot, where I first beheld you; what distress, what +anguish have we known? + +_Aur._ Your family? + +_Elv._ Yes--and that caused the silence which I hope you have +lamented.--I could not wound you with the recital of our misfortunes +--and now, only with the sad idea that I shall never see you more, +I am come to take my leave. + +_Aur._ Is there a chance that we may never meet again? + +_Elv._ There is--and I hope it too--sincerely hope and request it--to +see you again, wou'd be again to behold my father pining in misery. + +_Aur._ Explain--[_A loud rapping at the door._] that is, Sir Luke, and +Lady Tremor--what shall I say, shou'd they come hither? they suspect I +correspond with some person in the country--who shall I say you are? +upon what business can I say you are come? + +_Elv._ To avoid all suspicion of my real situation, and to be sure to +gain admittance, I put on this habit, and told the servant, when I +inquired for you, I was just arrived from England--[_She starts._] +nay, it was but necessary I should conceal who I was in this +suspicious place, or I might plunge a whole family in the imputed +guilt of mine. + +_Aur._ Good Heaven! + +_Elv._ I feared, besides, there was no other means; no likelihood to +gain admission--and what, what wou'd I not have sacrificed, rather +than left you for ever without a last farewell? think on these weighty +causes, and pardon the deception. + +_Aur._ But if they should ask me-- + +_Elv._ Say, as I have done--my stay must be so short, it is impossible +they shou'd detect me--for I must be back-- + +_Aur._ Where? + +_Elv._ No matter where--I must be back before the evening--and would +almost wish never to see you more--I love you, Aurelia--O, how truly! +and yet there is a love more dear, more sacred still. + +_Aur._ You torture me with suspense--Sir Luke is coming this way--what +name shall I say, if he asks me? + +_Elv._ Glanmore--I announced that name to the servant. + +_Aur._ You tremble. + +_Elv._ The imposition hurts me--and I feel as if I dreaded a +detection, though 'tis scarce possible--Sorrows have made a coward of +me--even the servant, I thought, looked at me with suspicion--and I +was both confounded and enraged. + +_Aur._ Go into this apartment; I'll follow you--there we may be +safe--and do not hide the smallest circumstance which I may have to +apprehend. [Elvirus _exit at a door_. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Without._] Abominable! provoking! impertinent! not to be +borne! + +_Aur._ [_Listening._] Thank Heaven, Sir Luke is so perplexed with some +affairs of his own, he may not think of mine.--[_Exit to_ Elvirus. + + _Enter Sir_ Luke, _followed by Lady_ Tremor. + +_Sir Luke._ I am out of all patience--and all temper--did you ever +hear of such a compleat impertinent coxcomb? Talk, talk, talk, +continually! and referring to me on all occasions! "Such a man was a +brave General--another a great Admiral," and then he must tell a long +story about a siege, and ask me if it did not make my bosom glow! + +_Lady._ It had not that effect upon your face, for you were as white +as ashes. + +_Sir Luke._ Aye, you did not see yourself, while he was talking of +grandfathers and great grandfathers--if you had-- + +_Lady._ I was not white, I protest. + +_Sir Luke._ No--but you were as red as scarlet. + +_Lady._ And you ought to have resented the insult, if you saw me +affected by it--Oh! some men wou'd have given him such a dressing-- + +_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear, if your uncle the frisseur had been alive, +he wou'd have given him a dressing, I dare say. + +_Lady._ Sir Luke, none of your impertinence; you know I can't nor +won't bear it--neither will I wait for Lord Flint's resentment on Mr. +Twineall--No, I desire you will tell him to quit this roof +immediately. + +_Sir Luke._ No, my dear--no, no--you must excuse me--I can't think of +quarrelling with a gentleman in my own house. + +_Lady._ Was it your own house to day at dinner when he insulted us? +and would quarrel then? + +_Sir Luke._ No--that was a friend's house--and I make it a rule never +to quarrel in my own house--a friend's house--in a tavern--or in the +streets. + +_Lady._ Well, then, I would quarrel in my own house--a friend's +house--a tavern--or in the streets--if any one offended _me_. + +_Sir Luke._ O, my dear, I have no doubt of it--no doubt, in the least. + +_Lady._ But, at present, it shall be in my own house,--and I will tell +the gentleman to quit it immediately. + +_Sir Luke._ Very well, my dear--pray do. + +_Lady._ I suppose, however, I may tell him I have your authority to +bid him go? + +_Sir Luke._ Tell him I have no authority--none in the world over +you--but that you will do as you like. + +_Lady._ I can't tell him so--he won't believe it. + +_Sir Luke._ Why not? you often tell me so, and _make_ me believe it +too. + +_Lady._ Here the gentleman comes--go away for a moment. + +_Sir Luke._ With all my heart, my dear. [_Going in a hurry._ + +_Lady._ I'll give him a few hints, that he must either change his mode +of behaviour, or leave us. + +_Sir Luke._ That's right--but don't be too warm--or if he should be +very impertinent, or insolent--(I hear Aurelia's voice in the next +room) call _her_, and I dare say she'll come and take your part. +[_Exit Sir_ Luke. + + _Enter_ Twineall. + +_Twi._ I positively could pass a whole day upon that stair-case--those +reverend faces--I presume they are the portraits of some of your +Ladyship's illustrious ancestors. + +_Lady._ Sir! Mr. Twineall--give me leave to tell you--[_In a violent +passion._ + +_Twi._ The word illustrious, I find, displeases you--pardon me--I did +not mean to make use of so forcible an epithet--I know the delicacy of +sentiment, which cannot bear the reflection that a few centuries only +shou'd reduce from royalty, one, whose dignified deportment seems to +have been formed for that resplendent station. + +_Lady._ The man is certainly mad!----Mr. Twineall-- + +_Twi._ Pardon me, Madam--I own I am an enthusiast on these +occasions--the dignity of blood-- + +_Lady._ You have too much, I am sure--do, have a little taken from +you. + +_Twi._ Gladly wou'd I lose every drop that fills these plebeian veins, +to be enobled by the smallest---- + +_Lady._ Pray, Sir, take up your abode in some other place. + +_Twi._ Madam! [_Surprised._ + +_Lady._ Your behaviour, Sir-- + +_Twi._ If my friend had not given me the hint, damn me if I shou'd not +think her down right angry. [_Aside._ + +_Lady._ I can scarce contain my rage at being so laugh'd at. [_Aside._ + +_Twi._ I'll mention the wig----this is the time--[_Aside._] Perhaps +you may resent it, Madam--but there is a favour-- + +_Lady._ A favour, Sir! is this a time to ask a favour? + +_Twi._ To an admirer of antiquity, as I am. + +_Lady._ Antiquity again! + +_Twi._ I beg pardon----but----a wig, Ma'am-- + +_Lady._ A what? [_Petrified._ + +_Twi._ A wig. [_Bowing._ + +_Lady._ Oh! oh! oh! [_Choaking._] this is not to be borne--this is too +much--ah! ah! [_Sitting down, and going into fits._] a direct, plain, +palpable, and unequivocal attack upon my family--without evasion or +palliative.--I can't bear it any longer.--Oh! oh!--[_Shrieking._ + +_Twi._ Bless my soul, what shall I do? what's the matter? + +_Sir Luke._ [_Without._] Maids! maids! go to your mistress--that +good-for-nothing fellow is doing her a mischief. + + _Enter_ Aurelia. + +_Aur._ Dear Madam, what is the matter? + + _Enter Sir_ Luke, _and stands close to the scenes_. + +_Lady._ Oh! oh! [_Crying._ + +_Sir Luke._ How do you do now, my dear? + +_Twi._ Upon my word, Sir Luke-- + +_Sir Luke._ O, Sir, no apology--it does not signify--never mind it--I +beg you won't put yourself to the trouble of an apology--it is of no +kind of consequence. + +_Lady._ What do you mean, Sir Luke? [_Recovered._ + +_Sir Luke._ To shew proper philosophy, my dear, under the affliction I +feel for your distress. + +_Lady._ [_To_ Aurelia.] Take Twineall out of the room. + +_Aur._ Mr. Twineall, her Ladyship begs you'll leave the room, till she +is a little recovered. + +_Twi._ Certainly. [_Bows respectfully to her Ladyship, and exit with_ +Aurelia. + +_Sir Luke._ I thought what you wou'd get by quarrelling--fits--and +tears. + +_Lady._ And you know, Sir Luke, if you had quarrelled, you wou'd have +been in the same situation. [_Rising from her seat._] But, Sir Luke, +my dear, Sir Luke, show yourself a man of courage but on this +occasion.-- + +_Sir Luke._ My dear, I wou'd do as much for you as I wou'd for my own +life--but damn me if I think I could fight to save that. + + _Enter Lord_ Flint. + +_Lord._ Lady Tremor, did the servant say you were very well, or very +ill? + +_Lady._ Oh, my Lord, that insolent coxcomb, the honourable Mr. +Twineall-- + +_Lord._ Oh, I am very glad you put me in mind of it--I dare say I +shou'd have forgot it else, notwithstanding I came on purpose. + +_Lady._ Forgot what? + +_Lord._ A little piece of paper here, [_Pulling out a parchment._] but +it will do a great deal--has he offended you? + +_Lady._ Beyond bearing. + +_Lord._ I am glad of it, because it gives double pleasure to my +vengeance--he is a disaffected person, Madam--boldly told me he +doubted the Sultan's right to the throne--I have informed against him, +and his punishment is at my option--I may have him imprisoned; shot; +sent to the gallies; or his head cut off--but which does your Ladyship +chuse?--Which ever you please is at your service. [_Bowing._ + +_Lady._ [_Rising and curtsying._] O, they are all alike to me; which +ever you please, my Lord. + +_Sir Luke._ What a deal of ceremony!--how cool they are about it. + +_Lord._ And why not cool, Sir; why not cool? + +_Sir Luke._ O, very true--I am sure it has froze me. + +_Lord._ I will go instantly, for fear it shou'd slip my memory, and +put this paper into the hands of proper officers--in the mean time, +Sir Luke, if you can talk with your visitor, Mr. Twineall, do--inquire +his opinion of the Sultan's rights--ask his thoughts, as if you were +commissioned by me--and, while he is revealing them to you, the +officers shall be in ambush, surprise him in the midst of his +sentiments, and bear him away to--[Twineall _looking in_. + +_Twi._ May I presume to inquire how your Ladyship does? + +_Lady._ O, yes--and pray walk in--I am quite recovered. + +_Lord._ Lady Tremor, I bid you good day for the present. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Following him to the door._] Your Lordship won't forget? + +_Lord._ No--depend upon it, I shall remember. + +_Sir Luke._ Yes--and make some other people remember too. [_Exit Lord_ +Flint. + +_Twi._ Is his Lordship gone? I am very sorry. + +_Sir Luke._ No--don't be uneasy, he'll soon be back. + + _Enter_ Haswell. + +_Sir Luke._ Mr. Haswell, I am glad to see you. + +_Has._ I told her Ladyship I would call in the evening, Sir Luke; and +so I have kept my word--I wanted too to speak with my Lord Flint, but +he was in such a hurry as he passed me, he wou'd hardly let me ask him +how he did.--I hope your Ladyship is well this afternoon. [_Bows to_ +Twineall--_Sir_ Luke _exit at the door to_ Aurelia _and_ Elvirus. + +_Twi._ Pardon me, Mr. Haswell, but I almost suspect you heard of her +Ladyship's indisposition, and therefore paid this visit; for I am not +to learn your care and attention to all under affliction. + +_Has._ [_Bows gravely._] Has your Ladyship been indisposed then? + +_Lady._ A little--but I am much better. + +_Twi._ Surely, of all virtues, charity is the first! it so protects +our neighbour! + +_Has._ Do not you think, Sir, _patience_ frequently protects him as +much? + +_Twi._ Dear Sir--pity for the poor miserable-- + +_Has._ Is oftener excited than the poor and miserable are aware of. +[_Looking significantly at him._ + +_Sir Luke._ [_From the room where_ Aurelia _and_ Elvirus _are_.] Nay, +Sir, I beg you will walk into this apartment--Aurelia, introduce the +gentleman to Lady Tremor. + +_Lady._ Who has she with her? + +_Has._ Aurelia!--O! I have not seen her I know not when--and besides +my acquaintance with her relations in England, there is a frank +simplicity about her that-- + + _Enter Sir_ Luke, Aurelia, _and_ Elvirus. + +_Sir Luke._ You shou'd have introduced the gentleman before--I assure +you, Sir, [_To_ Elvirus.] I did not know, nor shou'd I have known, if +I had not accidentally come into the room. [Haswell _starts, on seeing_ +Elvirus. + +_Sir Luke._ [_To Lady_ Tremor.] A relation of Aurelia's--a Mr. +Glanmore, my dear, just arrived from England; who call'd to pass a +few minutes with us, before he sets off to the part of India he is to +reside in. [Elvirus _and_ Aurelia _appear in the utmost embarrassment +and confusion_. + +_Lady._ I hope, Sir, your stay with us will not be so short as Sir +Luke has mentioned? + +_Elv._ Pardon me, Madam, it must--the caravan, with which I travel, +goes off this evening, and I must accompany it. + +_Has._ [_Aside._] I doubted before; but the voice confirms me. +[_Looking on_ Elvirus. + +_Lady._ Why, you only arrived this morning, did you, Mr. Glanmore? you +came passenger in the same ship, then, with Mr. Twineall? + +_Twi._ No, Madam--Sir, I am very sorry we had not the pleasure of your +company on board of us. [_To_ Elvirus. + +_Sir Luke._ You had;--Mr. Glanmore came over in the Mercury--did not +you tell me so, Sir? [Elvirus _bows_. + +_Twi._ Bless my soul, Sir! I beg your pardon--but surely that +cannot be--I got acquainted with every soul on board of us--every +creature--all their connections--and I can scarcely suppose you were +of the number. + +_Sir Luke._ [_Aside._] How impertinent he is to this gentleman too! O! +that I had but courage to knock him down. + +_Elv._ [_To_ Twineall.] Perhaps, Sir-- + +_Aur._ Yes, I dare say, that was the case. + +_Twi._ What was the case, Madam? + +_Sir Luke._ Wha--wha--wha--[_Mimicks._] that is not good breeding. + +_Has._ Why do you blush, Aurelia? + +_Aur._ Because [_Hesitating._] this gentleman----came over in the +same ship with Mr. Twineall. + +_Sir Luke._ And I can't say I wonder at your blushing. + +_Twi._ Why then positively, Sir, I thought I had known every +passenger----and surely-- + +_Lady._ Mr. Twineall, your behaviour puts me out of all patience--did +you not hear the gentleman say he came in the same vessel; and is not +that sufficient? + +_Twi._ Perfectly, Madam--perfectly--but I thought there might be some +mistake. + +_Elv._ And there is, Sir--you find you are mistaken. + +_Lady._ I thought so.---- + +_Has._ [_To_ Elvirus.] And you _did_ come in the same vessel? + +_Elv._ Sir, do _you_ doubt it? + +_Has._ Doubt it? + +_Elv._ Dare not doubt it.--[_Trembling and confused._ + +_Has._ Dare not? + +_Elv._ No, Sir, dare not. [_Violently._ + +_Aur._ Oh, heavens! + +_Sir Luke._ [_To_ Aurelia.] Come, my dear, you and I will get out of +the way. [_Retiring with her._ + +_Lady._ O, dear!--for heaven's sake!--Mr. Twineall, this is your +doing. + +_Twi._ Me, Madam!---- + +_Has._ I beg the company's pardon--but [_To_ Elvirus.] a single word +with you, Sir, if you please. + +_Lady._ Dear Mr. Haswell---- + +_Has._ Trust my prudence and forbearance, Madam--I will but speak a +word in private to this gentleman.--[Haswell _takes_ Elvirus _down to +the bottom of the stage; the rest retire_. + +_Has._ Are you, or are you not, an impostor? + +_Elv._ I am--I am--but do not you repeat my words--Do not _you_ say +it. [_Threatening._ + +_Has._ What am I to fear? + +_Elv._ Fear _me_--I cannot lie with fortitude; but I can----Beware of +me. + +_Has._ I _will_ beware of you, and so shall all my friends. + +_Elv._ Insolent, insulting man.--[_With the utmost contempt._ + +_Lady_ Tremor _and the rest come down_. + +_Lady._ Come, come, gentlemen, I hope you are now perfectly satisfied +about this little nonsense.--Let us change the subject.--Mr. Haswell, +have you been successful before the Sultan for any of those poor +prisoners you visited this morning? + +_Sir Luke._ Aye; Meanright told me he saw you coming from them with +your long cloak; and said he shou'd not have known you, if somebody +had not said it was you. + + [Elvirus _looks with surprise, confusion, and repentance_.] + +_Lady._ But what success with the Sultan? + +_Has._ He has granted me the pardon and freedom of any six I shall +present as objects of his mercy. + +_Lady._ I sincerely rejoice.--Then the youth and his father, whom you +felt so much for, I am sure, will be in the number of those who share +your clemency. + + [Haswell _makes no reply, and after a pause_]-- + +_Elv._ [_With the most supplicatory tone and manner._] Sir--Mr. +Haswell--O, heavens! + +_Sir Luke._ Come, Mr. Haswell, this young man seems sorry he has +offended you--forgive him. + +_Lady._ Aye, do, Mr. Haswell--are you sorry, Sir? + +_Elv._ O! wounded to the heart--and, without his pardon, see nothing +but despair. + +_Lady._ Good heavens! + +_Has._ Sir Luke, my Lord Flint told me he was coming back +directly--pray inform him I had business elsewhere, and cou'd wait no +longer. [_Exit._ + +_Elv._ O! I'm undone. + +_Lady._ Follow him, if you have any thing to say? + +_Elv._ I _dare_ not--I feel the terror of his just reproach. + +_Lady._ Did you know him in England? + +_Aur._ Dear Madam, will you suffer me to speak a few words----[_Aside +to Lady_ Tremor. + +_Sir Luke._ Aye; leave her and her relation together, and let us take +a turn in the garden with Mr. Twineall.--I'm afraid his Lordship will +be back before we have drawn him to say more on the subject, for which +he will be arrested. + +_Lady._ You are right. + +_Sir Luke._ Mr. Twineall, will you walk this way?--That young lady and +gentleman wish to have a little conversation. + +_Twi._ O, certainly, Sir Luke, by all means. [_Exeunt Sir_ Luke _and +Lady_. + +[_To_ Elvirus.] I am extremely sorry, Sir, you kept your bed during +the voyage: I shou'd else have been most prodigiously happy in such +good company. [_Exit._ + +_Aur._ Why are you thus agitated? It was wrong to be so impetuous--but +such regret as this---- + +_Elv._ Hear the secret I refused before--my father is a prisoner for +life. + +_Aur._ Oh, heavens! then Mr. Haswell was the only man---- + +_Elv._ And he had promised me--promised me, with benevolence, his +patronage--but the disguise he wore when I first saw him, led me to +mistake him now--made me expose my falsehood, my infamy, and treat his +honour'd person with abuse. + +_Aur._ Aye; let his virtues make you thus repent; but let them also +make you hope forgiveness. + +_Elv._ Nay, he is just, as well as compassionate--and for detected +falsehood---- + +_Aur._ You make me tremble. + +_Elv._ Yet he shall hear my story--I'll follow him, and obtain his +pity, if not his pardon. + +_Aur._ Nay, supplicate for that too--and you need not blush, or feel +yourself degraded, to _kneel_ to HIM, for he wou'd scorn the pride +that triumphs over the humbled. [_Exeunt._ + + +SCENE II. _The Garden._ + +_Enter Sir_ Luke, Twineall, _and Lady_ Tremor. + + +_Twi._ Why, really, Sir Luke, as my Lord has given you charge to sound +my principles, I must own they are just such as I delivered to him. + +_Sir Luke._ Well, Mr. Twineall, I only wish you to be a little more +clear--we will suppose the present Sultan no impostor--yet what +pretensions do you think the _other_ family---- + +_Twi._ That I'll make clear to you at once--or if my reasons are _not_ +very clear, they are at least very _positive_, and that you know is +the same thing.--This family--no--that family--the family that reigned +before this--this came after that--they came before. Now every one +agrees that this family was always--so and so--[_whispering._]--and +that the other was always--so and so--[_whispering._]--in short, every +body knows that one of them had always a very suspicious--you know +what---- + +_Sir Luke._ No, I don't. + +_Twi._ Pshaw--pshaw--every body conjectures what--and though it was +never said in so many words, yet it was always supposed--and though +there never has been any proof, yet there have been things much more +strong--and for that very reason, Sir William--(Sir Luke, I mean--I +beg your pardon)--for that very reason--(I can't think what made me +call you Sir William)--_for that very reason_--(Oh, I was thinking of +Sir William Tiffany)--for that very reason, say people what they +will--_that, that_ must be their opinion--but then where is the man +who will speak his thoughts freely as I have done? + + _Enter Guards, who had been listening at a distance during + this speech._ + +_Sir Luke._ [_Starting._] Bless my soul, gentlemen, you made my heart +jump to my very lips. + +_Guard._ [_To_ Twineall.] Sir, you are our prisoner, and must go with +us. + +_Twi._ Gentlemen, you are mistaken--I had all my clothes made in +England, and 'tis impossible the bill can have followed me already. + +_Guard._ Your charge, is something against the state. + +_Twi._ Against the state?--You are mistaken--it cannot be me. + +_Guard._ No--there is no mistake.--[_Pulling out a paper._]--You are +here called Henry Twineall. + +_Twi._ But if they have left out _honourable_, it can't be me----I am +the Honourable Henry Twineall. + +_Sir Luke._ Aye, that you are to prove before your judges. + +_Guard._ Yes, Sir--and we are witnesses of the long speech you have +just now been making. + +_Twi._ And pray, gentlemen, did you know what I meant by it? + +_Guard._ Certainly. + +_Twi._ Why, then, upon my soul, it was more than I did--I wish I may +be sacrificed---- + +_Sir Luke._ Well, well, you are _going_ to be sacrificed--Don't be +impatient. + +_Twi._ But, gentlemen--Sir Luke! [_The Guards seize him._ + +_Lady._ Dear Mr. Twineall, I am afraid you will have occasion for the +dignity of all my ancestors to support you under this trial. + +_Sir Luke._ And have occasion for all my courage too. + +_Twi._ But, Sir--but, gentlemen---- + +_Sir Luke._ Oh! I wou'd not be in your coat, fashionable as it is, for +all the Sultan's dominions. + + [_Exit Sir_ Luke _and Lady_--Twineall, _and Guards--separately_. + +END OF THE FOURTH ACT. + + + + +ACT V. + + +SCENE I. _The Prison._ + +Haswell _and the female Prisoner discovered_. + + +_Haswell._ Rather remain in this loathsome prison!--refuse the +blessing offered you!--the blessing your pleased fancy formed so +precious you durst not even trust its reality! + +_Pris._ No--while my pleased _fancy_ only saw the prospect, I own it +was delightful; but now reason beholds it within my reach, the view +is changed--and what, in the gay dream of fond delirium, seemed a +blessing, in my waking hours of sad reflection would prove the most +severe of punishments. + +_Has._ Explain--what is the cause that makes you think thus? + +_Pris._ A cause that has alone for fourteen years made me resigned to +a fate like this.--When you first mentioned my release from this drear +place, my wild ideas included, with the light, all that had ever made +the light a blessing--'twas not the _sun_ I saw in my mad transport, +but a lost husband filled my roving fancy--'twas his idea that gave +the colours of the world their beauty, and made me fondly hope to +grasp its sweets. + +_Has._ A husband! + +_Pris._ But the world that I was wont to enjoy with him--to see again +without him--every well-known object would wound my mind with dear +remembrances for ever lost, and make my freedom torture. + +_Has._ But yet---- + +_Pris._ Oh! on my knees a thousand times I have thanked Heaven that +_he_ partook not of this dire abode--that he shared not with me my +hard usage!--a greater blessing I possess'd from that, than all his +loved society cou'd have given--but in a happy world, where smiling +nature pours her boundless gifts!--oh! there his loss wou'd be +unsufferable. + +_Has._ Do you lament him dead? + +_Pris._ Yes--or, like me, a prisoner--else he wou'd have sought me +out--have sought his Arabella!--[Haswell _starts_.]--Why do you start? + +_Has._ Are you a Christian?--an European? + +_Ara._ I am. + +_Has._ The name made me suppose it.--I am shocked that----the +Christian's sufferings--[_Trying to conceal his surprise._]--but were +you made a prisoner in the _present_ Sultan's reign? + +_Ara._ Yes, or I had been set free on his ascent to the throne; for he +gave pardon to all the enemies of the slain monarch: but I was taken +in a vessel, where I was hurried in the heat of the battle with a +party of the late Emperor's friends--and all the prisoners were by the +officers of the present Sultan sent to slavery, or confined, as I have +been, in hopes of ransom from their friends. + +_Has._ And did never intelligence or inquiry reach you from your +husband? + +_Ara._ Never. + +_Has._ Never? + +_Ara._ I once was informed of a large reward for the discovery of a +female Christian, and, with boundless hopes, asked an interview with +the messenger; but found, on inquiry, _I_ could not answer his +description, as he _secretly_ informed me it was the Sultan who made +the search for one _he himself_ had known and dearly loved. + +_Has._ Good Heaven!--[_Aside._]--You then conclude your husband dead? + +_Ara._ I do;--or, like me, by some mischance, taken with the other +party, and having no friend to plead his cause before the Emperor, +whom he served---- + +_Has._ _I_'ll plead it--should I ever chance to find him--but, ere we +can hope for other kindness, you must appear before the Sultan--thank +him for the favour which you now decline, and tell the cause why you +cannot accept it. + +_Ara._ Alas! almost worn out with sorrow--an object of affliction as I +am--in pity, excuse me--present my thanks--my humble gratitude--but +pardon my attendance. + +_Has._ Nay, you must go--it is necessary--I will accompany you to +him.--Retire a moment; but when I send, be ready. + +_Ara._ I shall obey. [_She bows obediently, and exit._ + + [_As_ Haswell _comes down_, Elvirus _places himself in + his path_--Haswell _stops, looks at him with an austere + earnestness, which_ Elvirus _observing, turns away his face_. + +_Elv._ Nay, reproach me--I can bear your anger, but do not let me meet +your eye--Oh! it is more awful, now I know who you are, than if you +had kingdoms to disperse, or could deal instant death.--[Haswell +_looks on him with a manly firmness, then walks on_, Elvirus +_following him_.]--I do not plead for my father now.--Since what has +passed, I only ask forgiveness. + +_Has._ Do you forgive yourself? + +_Elv._ I never will. + + _Enter_ Keeper. + +_Keep._ One of our prisoners, who, in his cell, makes the most pitious +moans, has sent to entreat that Mr. Haswell will not leave this place +till he has heard his complaints and supplications. + +_Has._ Bring me to him. [_Going._ + +_Elv._ Nay, leave me not thus--perhaps never to see you more!---- + +_Has._ You shall see me again--in the mean time, reflect on what you +merit. [_Exit with_ Keeper. + +_Elv._ And what is that?--Confusion!--and yet, he says, I am to +see him again--speak with him.--Oh! there's a blessing to the most +abandoned, a divine propensity (they know not why) to commune with the +virtuous! [_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. _The first Prison Scene._ + +_Enter second_ Keeper, Haswell _following_. + + +_Has._ Where is the poor unfortunate? + +_2d Keep._ Here, Sir. + +_Has._ Am I to behold greater misery still?--a still greater object of +compassion? + + [_Second_ Keeper _opens a door, and_ Twineall _enters a + prisoner, in one of the prison dresses_. + +_Has._ What have we here? + +_Twi._ Don't you know me, Mr. Haswell? + +_Has._ I beg your pardon, Sir--I beg your pardon--but is it?--is +it?---- + +_Twi._ Why, Mr. Haswell--if you don't know me, or won't know me, I +shall certainly lose my senses. + +_Has._ O, I know you--know you very well. + +_Twi._ What, notwithstanding the alteration in my dress?--there was a +hard thing! + +_Has._ O, I'll procure you that again--and, for all things else, I'm +sure you will have patience. + +_Twi._ O, no, I can't--upon my soul I can't.--I want a little lavender +water--My hair is in such a trim too!--No powder--no brushes---- + +_Has._ I will provide you with them all. + +_Twi._ But who will you provide to look at me, when I am dress'd? + +_Has._ I'll bring all your acquaintance. + +_Twi._ I had rather you wou'd take me to see them. + +_Has._ Pardon me. + +_Twi._ Dear Mr. Haswell!--Dear Sir!--Dear friend!--What shall I call +you?--Only say what title you like best, and I'll call you by it +directly--I always did love to please every body--and I am sure at +this time I stand more in need of a friend than ever I did in my life. + +_Has._ What has brought you here? + +_Twi._ Trying to get a place. + +_Has._ A place? + +_Twi._ Yes; and you see I have got one--and a poor place it is!--in +short, Sir, my crime is said to be an offence against the state; and +they tell me no friend on earth but you can get that remitted. + +_Has._ Upon my word, the pardons I have obtained are for so few +persons--and those already promised---- + +_Twi._ O, I know I am no favourite of yours--you think me an +impertinent, silly, troublesome fellow, and that my conduct in life +will be neither of use to my country nor of benefit to society. + +_Has._ You mistake me, Sir--I think such glaring imperfections as +yours will not be of so much disadvantage to society as those of a +less-faulty man.--In beholding your conduct, thousands shall turn from +the paths of folly, to which fashion, custom, nature, (or call it what +you will) impels them;--therefore, Mr. Twineall, if not pity for your +faults, yet a concern for the good effect they may have upon the world +(shou'd you be admitted there again) will urge me to solicit your +return to it. + +_Twi._ Sir, you have such powers of oratory--what a prodigious capital +quality!--and I doubt not but you are admired by the world equally for +that---- + + _Enter_ Messenger _to_ Haswell. + +_Mess._ Sir, the Sultan is arrived in the council chamber, and has +sent me. [_Whispers._ + +_Has._ I come.--Mr. Twineall, farewell for the present. [_Exit with_ +Messenger. + +_Twi._ Now, what was that whisper about?--Oh, heavens! perhaps my death +in agitation.--I have brought myself into a fine situation!--done +it by wheedling too! + +_2d Keep._ Come, your business with Mr. Haswell being ended, return to +your cell. [_Roughly._ + +_Twi._ Certainly, Sir--certainly!--O, yes!--How happy is this prison +in having such a keeper as you!--so mild, so gentle--there is +something about you,--I said, and I thought the moment I had the +_happiness_ of meeting you here,--Dear me!--what wou'd one give for +such a gentleman as him in England!--You wou'd be of infinite service +to some of our young bucks, Sir. + +_2d Keep._ Go to your cell--go to your cell. [_Roughly._ + +_Twi._ This world wou'd be nothing without elegant manners, and +elegant people in all stations of life.--[_Enter_ Messenger, _who +whispers second_ Keeper.]--Another whisper! [_Terrified._ + +_2d Keep._ No; come this way.--The judge is now sitting in the hall, +and you must come before him. + +_Twi._ Before the judge, Sir--O, dear Sir!--what, in this +deshabille?--in this coat?--Dear me!--but to be sure one must conform +to customs--to the custom of the country where one is.--[_He goes to +the door, and then stops._]--I beg your pardon, Sir--wou'd not you +chuse to go first? + +_2d Keep._ No. + +_Twi._ O! [_Exeunt._ + + +SCENE III. _The Council Chamber._ + +_Enter_ Sultan, Haswell, _and_ Guards. + + +_Has._ Sultan, I have out-run your bounty in my promises; and one +poor, unhappy female---- + +_Sul._ No--you named yourself the number to release, and it is +fixed--I'll not increase it. + +_Has._ A poor, miserable female---- + +_Sul._ Am I less miserable than she is?--And who shall release me from +my sorrows? + +_Has._ Then let me tell you, Sultan, she is above your power to +oblige, or to punish.--Ten years, nay more, confinement in a drear +cell has been no greater punishment to her, than had she lived in a +pleasant world without the man she loved. + +_Sul._ Hah! + +_Has._ And freedom offered she rejects with scorn, because he is not +included in the blessing. + +_Sul._ You talk of prodigies!--[_He makes a sign for the Guards to +retire, and they exit._]--and yet I once knew a heart equal to this +description. + +_Has._ Nay, will you see her?--Witness yourself the fact? + +_Sul._ Why do I tremble?--My busy fancy presents an image---- + +_Has._ Yes, tremble, indeed! [_Threatening._ + +_Sul._ Hah! have a care--what tortures are you preparing for me?--My +mind shrinks at the idea. + +_Has._ Your wife you will behold--whom you have kept in want, in +wretchedness, in a damp dungeon, for these fourteen years, because you +wou'd not listen to the voice of pity.----Dread her look--her +frown--not for herself alone, but for hundreds of her fellow +sufferers--and while your selfish fancy was searching, with wild +anxiety, for her _you_ loved, unpitying, you forgot others might love +like you. + +_Sul._ O! do not bring me to a trial which I have not courage to +support. + +_Has._ She attends without--I sent for her to thank you for the favour +she declines.--Nay, be composed--she knows _you_ not--cannot, thus +disguised as the Sultan. [_Exit_ Haswell. + +_Sul._ Oh! my Arabella! could I have thought that your approach wou'd +ever impress my mind with horror!--or that, instead of flying to your +arms with all the love I bear you, terror and dread shou'd fix me a +statue of remorse. + + _Enter_ Haswell, _leading_ Arabella. + +_Has._ Here kneel, and return your thanks. + +_Sul._ My Arabella! worn with grief and anguish! [_Aside._ + +_Ara._ [_Kneeling to the_ Sultan.] Sultan, the favour you wou'd +bestow, I own, and humbly thank you for. + +_Sul._ Gracious Heaven! [_In much agitation._ + +_Ara._ But as I am now accustomed to confinement, and the idea of all +the world can give, cannot inspire a wish that warms my heart to the +enjoyment--I supplicate permission to transfer the blessing you have +offered, to one of those who may have friends to welcome their return +from bondage, and so make freedom precious.--I have none to rejoice at +_my_ release--none to lament my destiny while a prisoner.--And were I +free, in this vast world (forlorn and friendless) 'tis but a prison +still. + +_Sul._ What have I done?--[_Throwing himself on a sopha with the +greatest emotion._ + +_Has._ Speak to him again.--He repents of the severity with which he +has caused his fellow creatures to be used.--Tell him _you_ forgive +him. + +_Ara._ [_Going to him._] Believe me, Emperor, I forgive all who have +ever wronged me--all who have ever caused my sufferings.--Pardon +_you_!--Alas! I have pardoned even those who tore me from my +husband!--Oh, Sultan! all the tortures you have made me suffer, +compared to such a pang as that--did I say I had forgiven it?--Oh! I +am afraid--afraid I have not yet. + +_Sul._ Forgive it now, then, for he is restored.--[_Taking off +his turban._]--Behold him in the Sultan, and once more seal his +pardon.--[_She faints on_ Haswell.]--Nay, pronounce it quickly, or my +remorse for what you have undergone, will make my present tortures +greater than any my cruelties have ever yet inflicted. + +_Ara._ [_Recovering._] Is this the light you promised?--[_To_ +Haswell.]--Dear precious light!--Is this my freedom? to which I bind +myself a slave for ever.--[_Embracing the_ Sultan.]--Was I _your_ +captive?--Sweet captivity!--more precious than an age of liberty! + +_Sul._ Oh, my Arabella! through the amazing changes of my fate, (which +I will soon disclose) think not but I have searched for _thee_ with +unceasing care; but the blessing to behold you once again was left +for my kind monitor alone to bestow.----Oh, Haswell! had I, like you, +made others' miseries my concern, like you sought out the wretched, +how many days of sorrow had I spared myself as well as others--for I +long since had found my Arabella. + +_Ara._ Oh, Heaven! that weighest our sufferings with our joys, and +as our lives decline seest in the balance thy blessings far more +ponderous than thy judgements--be witness, I complain no more of +what I have endured, but find an ample recompence this moment. + +_Has._ I told you, Sir, how you might be happy. + +_Sul._ ----Take your reward--(to a heart like yours, more valuable +than treasure from my coffers)--this signet, with power to redress the +_wrongs_ of all who suffer. + +_Has._ Valuable indeed!---- + +_Ara._ [_To_ Haswell.] Oh, virtuous man!--to reward _thee_ are we made +happy--to give thy pitying bosom the joy to see us so, has Heaven +remitted its intended punishment of continued separation. + +_Sul._ Come, my beloved wife!--come to my palace--there, equally, my +dearest blessing, as when the cottage gave its fewer joys--and in him +[_To_ Haswell.] we not only find our present happiness, but dwell +securely on our future hopes--for here, I vow, before he leaves our +shores, I will adopt every measure he shall point out--and that period +of my life whereon he shall lay his censure, that will I fix apart +for penitence.--[_Exit_ Sultan _and_ Arabella.--Haswell _bows to +Heaven with thanks_. + + _Enter_ Keeper. + +_Keep._ An English prisoner, just now condemned to lose his head, one +Henry Twineall, humbly begs permission to speak a few short sentences, +his last dying words, to Mr. Haswell. + +_Has._ Condemned to lose his head?--Lead me to him. + +_Keep._ O, Sir, you need not hurry yourself--it is off by this time, I +dare say. + +_Has._ Off? + +_Keep._ Yes, Sir--we don't stand long about these things in this +country--I dare say it is off. + +_Has._ [_Impatiently._] Lead me to him instantly. + +_Guard._ O! 'tis of consequence, is it, Sir?--if that is the case---- +[_Exit_ Keeper, _followed by_ Haswell. + + +SCENE IV. _An arch-way at the top of the stage, through which several +Guards enter_--Twineall _in the middle, dressed for execution, with a +large book in his hand_. + + +_Twi._ One more verse, gentlemen, if you please. + +_Off._ The time is expired. + +_Twi._ One more, gentlemen, if you please. + +_Off._ The time is expired. + + _Enter_ Haswell. + +_Twi._ Oh! my dear Mr. Haswell! [_Bursting into tears._ + +_Has._ What, in tears at parting with me?--This is a compliment +indeed! + +_Twi._ I hope you take it as such--I am sure I mean it as such.--It +kills me to leave _you_--it breaks my heart;--and I once flattered +myself such a charitable, good, feeling, humane heart as you +possess---- + +_Has._ Hold! Hold!--This, Mr. Twineall, is the vice which has driven +you to the fatal precipice whereon you are--and in death will you not +relinquish it? + +_Twi._ What vice, Sir, do you mean? + +_Has._ Flattery!--a vice that renders you not only despicable, but +odious. + +_Twi._ But how has flattery been the cause? + +_Has._ Your English friend, before he left the island, told me what +information you had asked from him, and that he had given you the +direct _opposite_ of every person's character, as a just punishment +for your mean premeditation and designs. + +_Twi._ I never imagined that amiable friend had sense enough to impose +upon any body! + +_Has._ Yet I presume, he could not suppose fate wou'd have carried +their resentment to a length like this. + +_Twi._ Oh! cou'd fate be arrested in its course! + +_Has._ You wou'd reform your conduct? + +_Twi._ I wou'd--I wou'd never say another civil thing to any +body--never--never make myself agreeable again. + +_Has._ Release him--here is the Sultan's signet. [_They release him._ + +_Twi._ Oh! my dear Mr. Haswell! never was compassion!--never +benevolence!--never such a heart as yours!---- + +_Has._ Sieze him--he has broken his contract already. + +_Twi._ No, Sir--No, Sir--I protest you are an illnatured, surly, +crabbed fellow. I always thought so, upon my word, whatever I have +said. + +_Has._ And, I'll forgive _that_ meaning, sooner than the other--utter +any thing but flattery--Oh! never let the honest, plain, _blunt_ +English name, become a proverb for so base a vice.-- + +_Lady Tre._ [_Without._] Where is the poor creature? + + _Enter Lady_ Tremor. + +_Lady._ Oh! if his head is off, pray let me _look_ at it?---- + +_Twi._ No, Madam, it is on--and I am very happy to be able to tell you +so.---- + +_Lady._ Dear Heaven!--I expected to have seen it off!--but no +matter--as it is on--I am come that it may be kept on--and have +brought my Lord Flint, and Sir Luke, as witnesses. + + _Enter_ Lord, Aurelia, _and_ Sir Luke. + +_Has._ Well, Madam, and what have they to say? + +_Sir Luke._ Who are we to tell our story to?--There does not seem to +be any one fitting in judgement.-- + +_Has._ Tell it to me, Sir--I will report it. + +_Sir Luke._ Why then, Mr. Haswell, as Ghosts sometimes walk--and as +one's conscience is sometimes troublesome--I think Mr. Twineall has +done nothing to merit death, and the charge which his Lordship sent in +against him, we begin to think too severe--but, if there was any false +statement---- + +_Lord._ It was the fault of my not charging my memory--any error I +have been guilty of, must be laid to the fault of my total want of +memory. + +_Has._ And what do you hope from this confession? + +_Sir Luke._ To remit the prisoner's punishment of death to something +less, if the Sultan will please to annul the sentence. + +_Lord._ Yes--and grant ten or twelve years imprisonment--or the +Gallies for fourteen years--or---- + +_Sir Luke._ Ay, ay, something in that way. + +_Has._ For shame--for shame--Gentlemen!--the extreme rigour you shew +in punishing a dissension from your opinion, or a satire upon your +folly, proves to conviction, what reward you had bestowed upon the +_skilful_ flatterer. + +_Twi._ Gentlemen and Ladies, pray why wou'd you wish me requited with +such extreme severity, merely for my humble endeavours to make myself +agreeable?--Lady Tremor, upon my honour I was credibly informed, your +ancestors were Kings of Scotland. + +_Lady._ Impossible!--you might as well say that you heard Sir Luke had +distinguished himself at the battle of---- + +_Twi._ And, I _did_ hear so. + +_Lady._ And he _did_ distinguish himself; for he was the only one that +ran away. + +_Twi._ Cou'd it happen? + +_Lady._ Yes, Sir, it did happen. + +_Sir Luke._ And go _you_, Mr. Twineall, into a field of battle, and I +think it is very likely to happen again. + +_Lord._ If Mr. Haswell has obtained your pardon, Sir, it is all very +well--but let me advise you to keep your sentiments on politics to +yourself, for the future--as you value that pretty head of yours. + +_Twi._ I thank you, Sir--I do value it. + + _Enter_ Elvirus. + +_Has._ [_Going to him._] Aurelia, in this letter to me, has explained +your story with so much compassion, that, for her sake, I must pity it +too.--With freedom to your father, and yourself, the Sultan restores +his forfeited lands--and might I plead, Sir Luke, for your interest +with Aurelia's friends, this young man's filial love, shou'd be repaid +by conjugal affection. + +_Sir Luke._ As for that, Mr. Haswell, you have so much interest at court, +that your taking the young man under your protection----besides, as +Aurelia was sent hither merely to get a husband--I don't see---- + +_Aur._ True, Sir Luke--and I am afraid my father and mother will begin +to be uneasy that I have not got one yet--and I shou'd be very sorry +to disoblige them. + +_Elv._ No--say rather, sorry to make me wretched.--[_Taking her hand._ + + _Enter_ Zedan. + +_Has._ My Indian friend, have you received your freedom? + +_Zed._ Yes--and come to bid you farewell--which I wou'd _never_ do, +had I not a family in wretchedness till my return--for you shou'd be +my master, and I _wou'd_ be your slave.---- + +_Has._ I thank you--may you meet at home every comfort! + +_Zed._ May you--may you--what shall I say?--May you once in your life +be a prisoner--then released--to feel such joy, as I feel now!---- + +_Has._ I thank you for a wish, that tells me most emphatically, how +much you think I have served you. + +_Twi._ And, my dear Lord, I sincerely wish you may once in your life, +have your head chopped off--just to know what I shou'd have felt, in +that situation.---- + +_Zed._ [_Pointing to_ Haswell.] Are all his country-men as good as he? + +_Sir Luke._ No-no-no-no--not _all_--but the worst of them are good +enough to admire him. + +_Twi._ Pray Mr. Haswell, will you suffer all these encomiums? + +_Elv._ He _must_ suffer them--there are virtues, which praise cannot +taint--such are Mr. Haswell's--for they are the offspring of a mind, +superior even to the love of fame--neither can they, through malice, +suffer by applause, since they are too sacred to incite envy, and must +conciliate the respect, the love, and the admiration of all. + +FINIS. + + + + +EPILOGUE, + +Written by MILES-PETER ANDREWS, Esq. + +Spoken by Mrs. MATTOCKS. + + + Since all are sprung, they say, from Mother Earth, + Why stamp a merit or disgrace on birth? + Yet so it is, however we disguise it, + All boast their origin, or else despise it. + This pride or shame haunts ev'ry living soul + From Hyde-park Corner, down to Limehouse Hole: + Peers, taylors, poets, statesmen, undertakers, + Knights, squires, man-milliners, and peruke-makers. + _Sir Hugh Glengluthglin_, from the land of goats, + Tho' out at elbows, shews you all his coats; + And rightful heir to _twenty pounds_ per annum, + Boasts the rich blood that warm'd his great great grannam; + While wealthy Simon Soapsuds; just be knighted, + Struck with the sword of state, is grown dim sighted, + Forgets the neighbouring chins he used to lather, + And scarcely knows he ever had a father. + + Our Author, then, correct in every line, + From nature's characters hath pictur'd mine; + For many a lofty fair, who, friz'd and curl'd, + With crest of horse hair, tow'ring thro' the world, + To powder, paste, and pins, ungrateful grown, + Thinks the full periwig is all her own; + Proud of her conquering ringlets, onward goes, + Nor thanks the barber, from whose hands she rose. + + Thus doth false pride fantastic minds mislead, + And make our weaker sex seem weak indeed: + Suppose, to prove this truth, in mirthful strain, + We bring the _Dripping family_ again.-- + Papa, a tallow chandler by descent, + Had read "how _larning_ is most excellent:" + So Miss, returned from boarding school at Bow, + Waits to be finished by Mama and Co.-- + "_See, spouse, how spruce our Nan is grown, and tall_; + _I'll lay, she cuts a dash at Lord Mayor's ball_."-- + In bolts the maid--"_Ma'am! Miss's master's come_";-- + Away fly Ma' and Miss to dancing room-- + "_Walk in, Mounseer; come_, Nan, _draw up like me_."-- + "_Ma foi! Madame, Miss like you as two pea._"-- + Mounseer takes out his kit; the scene begins; + Miss trusses up; my lady Mother grins;-- + "_Ma'amselle, me teach a you de step to tread_; + _First turn you toe, den turn you littel head_; + _One, two, dree, sinka, risa, balance; bon_, + _Now entrechat, and now de cotillon_." + [Singing and dancing about. + "_Pardieu, Ma'amselle be one enchanting girl_; + _Me no surprise to see her ved an Earl_."-- + "_With all my heart," says Miss; "Mounseer, I'm ready_; + _I dream'd last night, Ma, I should be a Lady_." + + Thus do the _Drippings_, all important grown, + Expect to shine with lustre not their own; + New airs are got; fresh graces, and fresh washes, + New caps, new gauze, new feathers, and new sashes; + Till just complete for conquest at Guildhall, + Down comes an order to suspend the ball. + Miss Shrieks, Ma' scolds, Pa' seems to have lost his tether; + Caps, custards, coronets--all sink together-- + Papa resumes his jacket, dips away, + And Miss lives single, till next Lord Mayor's day. + + If such the _sorrow_, and if such the strife, + That break the comforts of domestic life, + Look to the hero, who this night appears, + Whose boundless excellence the World reveres; + Who, friend to nature, by no blood confin'd, + Is the glad relative of all mankind. + + + + + * * * * * * + + + + +Transcriber's note: + + +Contemporary spelling, hyphenation and punctuation (including +placement of apostrophes) have generally been retained even where +inconsistent. + +The following changes were made to the text: + + +In ACT 1, Scene 1, the misspelling "underderstand" was corrected in +the speech: + + _Sir Luke._ _Politesse!_ how shou'd you understand what is + real _politesse_? + + +In ACT 4, Scene 1, the misspelling "cant't" was corrected in the +speech: + + _Sir Luke._ And I can't say I wonder at your blushing. + + +In ACT 5, Scene 3, the misspelling "Lady Ter." was corrected in the +passage: + + _Lady Tre._ [_Without._] Where is the poor creature? + +Shortly afterwards, in a speech by Haswell, the spelling "Aureila's" +was regularised as follows: + + (...) might I plead, Sir Luke, for your interest with + Aurelia's friends (...) + +In the speech by Sir Luke that follows, "you" was changed to "your" in +the passage: + + _Sir Luke._ As for that, Mr. Haswell, you have so much + interest at court, that your taking the young man under your + protection---- + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUCH THINGS ARE*** + + +******* This file should be named 38653.txt or 38653.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/8/6/5/38653 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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