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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/38525-0.txt b/38525-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6410af7 --- /dev/null +++ b/38525-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7877 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 38525 *** + +THE SYLPH + +BY + +GEORGIANA + +DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE + + + "Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear, + Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear! + Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd + By laws eternal to th'aërial kind: + Some in the fields of purest æther play, + And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day; + Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high, + Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky: + Our humbler province is to tend the Fair, + Not a less pleasing, _nor_ less glorious care." + + POPE's Rape of the Lock. + + + + +Table of Contents + + + VOLUME I VOLUME II + + LETTER I LETTER XXVII LETTER LIII + LETTER II LETTER XXVIII LETTER LIV + LETTER III LETTER XXIX LETTER LV + LETTER IV LETTER XXX LETTER LVI + LETTER V LETTER XXXI LETTER LVII + LETTER VI LETTER XXXII LETTER LVIII + LETTER VII LETTER XXXIII LETTER LIX + LETTER VIII LETTER XXXIV LETTER LX + LETTER IX LETTER XXXV LETTER LXI + LETTER X LETTER XXXVI + LETTER XI LETTER XXXVII + LETTER XII LETTER XXXVIII + LETTER XIII LETTER XXXIX + LETTER XIV LETTER XL + LETTER XV LETTER XLI + LETTER XVI LETTER XLII + LETTER XVII LETTER XLIII + LETTER XVIII LETTER XLIV + LETTER XIX LETTER XLV + LETTER XX LETTER XLVI + LETTER XX LETTER XLVII + LETTER XXII LETTER XLVIII + LETTER XXIII LETTER XLIX + LETTER XXIV LETTER L + LETTER XXV LETTER LI + LETTER XXVI LETTER LII + + + + +VOLUME I + + + + +LETTER I. + + +TO LORD BIDDULPH. + +It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have _nothing_, to +get _something_; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced. + +What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled! + +But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate--I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."--But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.--Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin. + +I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, _I am married_, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +_begin with the first_. + +I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G----. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my _conge_ and departed. +On my journey--as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement--I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a _sentimental traveller_ pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the _cloud-capt_ mountains one morning--a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend--from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +_our_ world.--I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +_like Patience on a monument_, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could--hoping better fortune by and bye. + +In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations. + +After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs. + +One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood." + +"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me. + +As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate. + +"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry." + +"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!" + +"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture." + +"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on _my_ +daughter." + +"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest." + +"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form." + +"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against _simple fornication_. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."--I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my _innocence of actual seduction_, and such stuff--) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present. + +When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly--It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that _bore_ +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the _arms_ of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids--yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate. + +I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +_for better, for worse;_ yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +_badinage_, and sometimes something more, with a married woman--I would +much rather that my wife, like Cæsar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class--and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."--And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive? + +However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a _je ne sçai quoi_, +a _tout ensemble_, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley. + +Shall I whisper you a secret--but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon--I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn--Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me--having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry--and then it is too late: the die is +cast. + +I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant--and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither--though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me, + +Your lordship's devoted, + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER II. + + +TO THE SAME. + +What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for _sin and +sea-coal_ in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine; + + "And days of peace do still succeed + To nights of calm repose." + +How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband! + + "And when I am weary of wandering all day, + To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come." + +I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;--besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,--and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father. + +One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.--In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,--and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity. + +It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.--I was extremely desirous of practising a few manÅ“uvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;--but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;--if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,--remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next." + +I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.--Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.--I am sick to death of the constant _routine_ of circumstances +here--_the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever_. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with. + +I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +_rib_.--She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive. + +Sylph is fixed on.--Our _suite_ will be a Welsh _fille de chambre_, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;--as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our _beaux d'esprits_ of the +motley tribe.--I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.--I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.--I was going to say +services,--but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's? + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER III. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.--I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;--they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced--and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.--I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.--And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure. + +As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.--This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.--I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;--and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;--but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come. + +I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!--Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the _etiquettes_ of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,--and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;--one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.--I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,--and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much. + +Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice. + +I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses. + +Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange. + +I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife--in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea. + +It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place. + +My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IV. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Dear JACK, + +I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word _animated +nature_. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms. + +Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me. + +I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +_devoirs_ of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women. + +Whom do you think he has introduced as _chaperons_ to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER V. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you. + +My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself! + +I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu! + +LOUISA GRENVILLE + + + + +LETTER VI. + + +To JAMES SPENCER, Esq. + +It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence. + +You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me. + +Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found. + +I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you. + +All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;--a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,--and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,--with that it grew, and with that only will expire. + + "My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began + The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man; + + My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age, + No other vows shall e'er my heart engage." + +Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.--Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;--she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.--Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me. + +Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her--I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same--the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door--oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours--at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family--and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me. + +You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say _small +satisfaction_? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen. + +I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour--a studied civility--an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous--frequent expressions of fearing to +offend--and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that _certainty_ she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish. + +I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your + +HENRY WOODLEY. + + + + +LETTER VII. + + +TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq. + +No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.--I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present. + +Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.--Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to _a man of fashion_. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is--without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life! + +The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;--he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play--attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the _ton_ in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.--Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,--and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.--She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!--but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.--For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.--Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,--and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude. + +I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.--When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful + +J. SPENCER. + + + + +LETTER VIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.--If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song. + +"What was our _shame_, is now our _pride_." + +I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.--I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,--it is _la cheveaux de la Regne_;--but the _colour +de puce_ is esteemed before it, and mixed with _d'Artois_, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the _Pont sang_ is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +_feuile mort_, or _la noysette_." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;--therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public. + +I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me--and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the _ton_." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,--and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace. + +Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +_au dernier gout_. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,--and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely _bore_ to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, _ah! quel +savage_! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air. + + * * * * * + +Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are _magnifique_, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?--Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.--I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.--"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the _tramontane_. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most _outré_ figure in the +_beau monde_. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a _fille de chambre_, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years. + +Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.--I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;--and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way. + +Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.--Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."--Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without--it positively is not +decent." + +"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair--how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your _nut-brown +maid!_" + +"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +_ma charmante!_" + +With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands--often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,--and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented _pomade de Venus._ At length the words, "_vous +êtes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"_ were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;--but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.--The _dresser of the actresses_ exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, _chignion, +toque, pomades_, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, _&c. &c. &c_. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D----, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +_dishabillé_? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's _ruelle_, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes." + +My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!--But it is +the _ton_; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam. + +Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu! + +IN CONTINUATION + +My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you." + +"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint." + +This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, _I have no cause of complaint_. + +Your's most sincerely, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IX. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My Dearest Child, + +The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia--prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles. + +Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may--it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age. + +You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to _your_ amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with _éclat_, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed--I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured--with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age--or even +then, without a bequest--would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security. + +In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years--though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation." + +Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind. + +Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover--but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning--then winged her flight to +heaven--leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men. + +I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility--of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me--as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste--at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts. + +I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her--wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice." + +Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight--as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted. + +In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me--none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it. + +When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little _billet_, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,--"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books--the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions. + +In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression--_the activity of my disposition_; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend. + +A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted--she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.--But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit--it is time to leave you." + +I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.--I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness--I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself." + +"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor." + +"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.--Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;--but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different--I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.--Now, I was poor and in prison:--then, I listened only to my +passions--now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;--my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.--I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.--Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?--How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.--I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.--These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open _this_ till he has +crossed the seas." + +There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +_that_ I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow: + +"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,--at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it." + +Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words: + +"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.--I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations. + +I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;--but how shall I bid you adieu!" + +The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land--and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.--I was too affected to utter a +word;--her soul had more heroic greatness.--"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England." + +I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;--but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable." + +"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?" + +"I do not think it," she answered;--"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own." + +We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart--_that_ alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.--It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women. + +For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.--However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter. + +Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.--Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.--I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.--A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.--He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;--they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;--there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?--My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account. + +A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.--Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.--Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.--Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone. + +In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.--"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me." + +"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I: + + "But when will spring visit the mouldering urn? + Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?" + +"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,--"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?" + +A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame. + +A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."--"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.--I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;--what was my agitation, when I read these words! + +"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!" + +The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria! + +"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,--Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.--Audible sobs +burst from her bosom--I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.--I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,--"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."--She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,--"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.--I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,--and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man." + +"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.--A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection." + +I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:--hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper--a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth. + +The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army. + +While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?" + +"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you--so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same--and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake." + +I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not--if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you--if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you." + +"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me." + +"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service." + +"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing--"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death." + +"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu! + +I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat. + +Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness. + +When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures--and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty. + +I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me. + +Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve. + +I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness. + +About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern. + +Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend." + +I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company. + +One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph: + +"_Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq._ + +_By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin._" + +This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity--especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition--which +accordingly we did. + +I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful. + +Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father--and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so--otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?" + +"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will." + +"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.--But what say the writings?" + +"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity." + +"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for." + +This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years. + +Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.--Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +_that_, + + --Seeks thee still in many a former scene; + Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes, + Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense + Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone, + Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd + In all her smiles, without forbidding pride." + +Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms! + +The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred. + +As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert. + +Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world! + +Thy tender and affectionate father, + +E. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER X. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done. + +The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply--to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find. + +The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home--telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind--as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the _ton_. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready--you know you are to be at the opera--" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, _The rest of the world does so_: that's +quite enough. + +But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;--in the rest, _he_ must be my guide. + +My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear. + +I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.--Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance. + +With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest _ton_, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory. + +Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,--"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?--They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends. + +By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.--Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.--She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;--the heart is not +consulted;--or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,--judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your _Cicisbeo_ to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public." + +"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me." + +"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment." + +"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer." + +"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.--I might some time hence want a +_confidante_, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion." + +I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,--and +that my sentiments would not alter." + +"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.--As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.--Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see--add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you--you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:--it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety." + +"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.--I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.--Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes. + +As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the _beau monde_, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet--for ever proposing this or the other +scheme--which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure--but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life. + +Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my _Cicisbeo_--that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair--handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him. + +Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices. + +That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)--you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord--what's his odious name?--why is he to be your _escorte_? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in! + +I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place, + + "Clowns as well can act the rake, + As those in higher sphere." + +Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in _our_ family would have given her some weight +in _your's_, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year. + +Would to heaven you were here!--I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;--but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation. + +I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, _I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible_. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it! + +Dearest Julia, adieu! + +Believe me your faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?--No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."--As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.--I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off. + +"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name." + +"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?" + +"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?" + +"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.--I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it." + +"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?" + +"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling--"to an +husband." + +"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?" + +"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,--Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?" + +"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?--This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance." + +I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose." + +I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company." + +The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood. + + * * * * * + +Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard. + +I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.--Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own _there_ I am +in some degree piqued. But, if _he_ is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,--an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do. + +As to the Å“conomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.--However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's. + +I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere. + +I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!--A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these _tendres_ from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. _Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder_, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;--fashion not +making it decent to appear together. + +These _etiquettes_, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to. + +"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!--It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.--Absence seems to increase my affection.--One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIII. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex--which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine. + +Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;--and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.--If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.--Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,--and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so." + +Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it. + +If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.--She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.--The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her _vis à vis_ that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the _ton_ to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.--I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions. + +Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.--"There is Sir William," said I.--"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here." + +"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.--The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages. + +A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here." + +"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken--though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.--Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him." + +"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men--and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?" + +"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her _Caro Sposo_ was seen with a favourite Sultana?" + +"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that--_tout la mode de +François_. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?" + +"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self." + +"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too." + +"I do when I can," I answered.--Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me." + +"Most chearfully," said she;--"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?" + +Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D--'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented. + +I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia--with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness--he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +_honour_ and _obey_ my husband, so will I strive to _love_ him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice--to say he was the first man I almost ever saw--and +to plead my youth and inexperience--oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part. + + "For man the lawless libertine may rove." + +But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful--and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it--I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance. + +"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P--, with his round +unthinking face--how assiduous he was to Miss W----, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +_rouge_ than almost any woman of quality--extolling her _forest of +hair_, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box--and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L----, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer--perhaps been burnt to +death--had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the _capitol_. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen--The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties." + +"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies." + +The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me. + +I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage--in short, nothing which +Monsieur _Corross_ could not remedy in a few hours. + +My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered. + +"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.--My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite _en +dishabille_, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed--"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed." + +"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"--cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."--"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh--but added, in a more +serious tone--"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will _be blind, insensible and blind_." + +"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know--that I +was at the opera--and with a lady too.--Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident--but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine." + +"I will in all my best obey you," said I.--"Then go to bed," said +he--"_To bed, my love, and I will follow thee_." + +You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.--Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.--Yes, Louisa--was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses--but for the softer sentiments of the soul--that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin--of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me--yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point. + +Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.--Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree--No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming--men swearing--altogether--I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.--No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits--you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm--and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth--and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door--and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found--or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us. + +As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying--I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!" + +"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses--you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found--ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them--or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room--and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely--I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?" + +"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour." + +"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look--He seemed to correct himself.--Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances. + +The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside. + +Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic--a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms--at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."--Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending--yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I _did_ experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger. + +I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence--"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening. + +Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one-- + + "Is every thing by starts, and nothing long." + +A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.--You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband--I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,--'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;--it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.--You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world--at least so it appears to me--is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?--Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in _the busy haunts of men_, +hazarded the privation of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever_. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!--But how much more should _you_ keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;--you respect his silence;--you pity his sufferings.--Reprobate +respect!--abjure pity!--they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen. + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XVI. + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;--yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,--remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson--why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.--Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;--I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,--a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;--all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.---- + +THE LETTER. + +"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself. + +My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works. + +I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.--It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;--nay, should possibly--enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel--such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance--unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.--But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;--to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;--to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;--to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity. + +I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aërial beings;--as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;--I have +hinted, I knew you well;--when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains. + +Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;--what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.--Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.--I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle. + +I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my _mind's eye_ I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;--press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced--nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's. + +I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;--and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart--the criterion, by which I would have you +judge--ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the _confidant_ of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit--The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays + +Your SYLPH." + +Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate--on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!--And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XIX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded--I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side. + +Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford--Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +_effronterie_ to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's _amours_. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man? + +Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have--but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents--when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of _Lucy +Gardener_, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree--yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but _femaleism_ prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down: + +"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours _tête à tête_ with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,--to be slighted thus by +you.--Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach + +LUCY GARDENER." + +The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious _morçeau_; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's _valet_, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the _billet,_ as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?--No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time--since this might in the end be destructive. + +The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas--and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation. + +About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,--which however in this licentious town can never take +place--may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards. + +If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation--the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray--even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;--it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage. + +To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts--their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards--which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play--and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune--and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her. + +The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D--, now +deserted her--in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time--as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole--or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them--and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband--and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation--since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her--and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for--he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect--and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt--"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost _sang-froid_--"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?--I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,--"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.--"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.--"Consider the +hours we have been _tête à tête_ together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.--Come, Madam, it grows late.--In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.--What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;--they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?--Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void--otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape." + +"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release--Do not then, do not with-hold my right." + +"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L. + +How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep--sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings--to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;--but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime--as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D--, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."--Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep--to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.--You may +suppose what followed.--In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it. + +To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles. + +Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it! + +Your faithful SYLPH." + +Lady STANLEY in Continuation + +Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other. + +Even my protector--he who has sworn before God and man;--but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial _tête à tête_, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties. + +Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy. + +"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.--"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."--"No, no, +you can be of no use to me--though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."--"I the cause!--for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement." + +"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to _her_ face, _a cursed infatuation_!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was--I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.--"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face--"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;--I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.--Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of." + +"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +_derangement_ of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."--During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.--With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,--in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."--"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."--"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."--"Reflect! Oh, that is so _outré_! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D--r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection." + +"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!" + +"Well said, my little _monitress_! why you are quite an _orator_ too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be _just_ at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. _Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away_, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy. + +The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,--never could experience that genuine sentimental passion, + + "Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone + To bless the dearer object of its soul." + +No, his passions are turbulent--the madness of the moment--eager to +please himself--regardless of the satisfaction of the object.--And yet I +thought he loved--I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:--he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was _my_ wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as _he_ is, or as _I_ am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."--While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,--"It is in vain--I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the _commerce-table_, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.--I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."--We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;--there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.--Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine _pigeon_ by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious _morçeau_ by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.--Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are _derangé_, as well as mine.--But, _courage, mi Lor_, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.--I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present. + +Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my _boring_ you with these trifles;--for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the _trifle_ that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +_soft deity, that_ is the _greatest_ trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all. + +I am your's most cordially, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XXIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the _polite_ world--_Black-legs_. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.--Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear--more dear +than ever--parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am _his_ wife,--and, what is more, _your_ sister. Would +you believe it? he--Sir William I mean--is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,--and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and _that_, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him. + +Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;--but he +has taught me sufficient of evil--thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind _Sylph_, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:--What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia. + + + + +LETTER XXIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner. + +TO THE SYLPH + +"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing _it_ more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand." + +I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken. + +And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;--my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,--not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +_per Cent_. Am I wrong in styling them _infernal_? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call _Witches_, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth. + +_These_ now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed. + +I go very little from home--In truth, I have no creature to go with.--I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because _fairest_, but _best_. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?--Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall _be delivered from +evil_? + +Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?--for too surely, _that_ was +appearance--_this_ reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while _we_ listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now--But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel--who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme. + +But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William _to +himself_; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel--yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.--Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately--Miss Finch, I should say--has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady--for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by _accident_--and always to have some _prior_ +engagement when they proposed meeting by _design_. + +Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.--But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. _She_ must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless. + + + + +LETTER XXV. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its _only_ reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.--And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while _they_ are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before--how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of _virtue_; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find _her_ "in her own form--how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself. + +Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man--than the Rosicrusian philosopher.--But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it--we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more _tremblingly +alive_ than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being--and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile--yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you. + +I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities. + +When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you! + +Your careful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXVI. + + +To THE SYLPH. + +It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults--for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you. + +Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion--or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour--and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits--and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven. + +I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but _none_ +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even _his_ irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment--and abide most chearfully +by your decision. + +Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides--nor ever casts one look behind. + + * * * * * + +The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +VOLUME II + + + + +LETTER XXVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of--my Sylph, my guardian angel! + +In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the _idea_ +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of _humanity_ he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The _design_ I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you. + + * * * * * + +I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning--she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day." + +"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female _tête-à -tête_." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one. + +As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him--I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly--"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure--let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry--but without any notion of its being an union for +life--only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals--oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible. + +"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these _modern_ husbands? I fear +me, I should become a _modern_ wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him." + +"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?" + +"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be." + +"Do I know the happy man?" + +"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too." + +"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?" + +"Lord Biddulph!--No, indeed!--not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though _he_ has a title, but not an English one." + +To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined--"So then, +I may wish the _Baron_ joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech. + +"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity." + +"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now--pray proceed." + +"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?" + +"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind." + +"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude--oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes--my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words--and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an _adroit_ fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself. + +"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my _vis-à -vis_.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?--What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be _just_ to yourself, and _generously indulgent_ +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time--we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon--I am too +serious--tho' my _tête-à -têtes_ with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that _I_ +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of _peeping behind the curtain_, and having the +whole _drama_ before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament--without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.' + +'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam--we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.' + +"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children. + +'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the _happy_ hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted _that_ neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what _fort_ can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like _Pamela Andrews_; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B--, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +_so_, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that _change_; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the _red-coats_. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as _I_ am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain: + +'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least _regard_. I fear, I have +forfeited _that_ of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and _hoped_ there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one--our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw--she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided. + +'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too _dishonourable_ a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.' + +"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one." + +We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave. + +Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. _I_ might then have been the envied _confidante_ of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that _I_, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen--Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought--I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so _improper_ an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts. + +Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + + + +LETTER XXVIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, _To Gratitude_, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S. + +Adieu! + +JULIA. + + + + +LETTER XXIX. + + +From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY. + +Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal! + +None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +_know_ and _see_ you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXX. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one _other_ is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that _repose_, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that _other_ too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had _he_ known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no _one_ to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me. + +I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +_it_, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My dearest Sister, + +It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in _no other_ can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that _he_ has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +_perfidy_ occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, _you_ could have no _hope_ to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of _disappointment_ and _despair_; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his _confidante_. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be _greater_ likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XXXII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that _vice_ need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation. + +I am ever your obliged, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +_confide_, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, _you_ had better be the _leader_ than the _led_; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is. + +I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see _you_; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXXIV. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else. + +That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly _outré_, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction? + +Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +_Tavistock-street_; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its _goût_; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was _tête-à -tête_ with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph." + +"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a _man_, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal _devoir_ to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me." + +"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?" + +"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified." + +"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman." + +"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor _cast one longing +lingering look behind?_" + +"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!" + +"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?" + +"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went." + +"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?" + +I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose." + +"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a _penchant_ for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?" + +I sighed--"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?" + +"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, _the heart of man is deceitful above all things_. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as _that_ may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long _tête-à -tête_ +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present--see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose--I did the same--he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me? + +The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a _tour_ of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph. + +"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure." + +"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence. + +He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff. + +I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation. + +"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own." + +By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:--she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?" + +"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please." + +"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me? + +Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more _welcome_ under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate. + +About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!" + +"I have had something more than _fatigue_ to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised." + +"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house." + +"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house." + +"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him. + +Sir William seemed extremely _chagrined_; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape. + +But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too--yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal--But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXVI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed. + +"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits." + +"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if _you_ would withhold the +murderous knife." + +"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast. + +Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXVII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +_éclat_? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care! + +Adieu! + + + + +LETTER XXXVIII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands--but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as _I_ am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone. + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIX. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning _his_ name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents--"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom." + +"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"--I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair. + +"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer. + + "Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore, + And image charms I must behold no more." + +I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!" + +"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him--for ever! + +I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XL. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the _Morning Post_. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that _Hydra_ of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.--But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like _Calista_ of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to _play_ and to _lose_ is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +_remonstrances_ I have made, and the _dissuasives_ I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly? + +It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +_agreeable_ meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes." + +"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three." + +"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play. + +There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack: + +Remember thy old friend, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me. + +The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D--'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my _chaperon_." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose." + +"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present." + +Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can." + +"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?" + +"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;--"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits." + +"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe." + +"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you." + +"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit." + +I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a _tendre_ for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows! + +Your's, most affectionately, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLII. + + +TO Lord BIDDULPH. + +For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again. + +You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair. + +Adieu! + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XLIII. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY. + +Sir, + +I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law. + +I remain, Sir, + +Your humble servant, + +GEORGE BRUDENEL. + + + + +LETTER XLIV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, _how hard is my fate_! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster. + +Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly--No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into." + +"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it." + +"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence." + +"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever." + +"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice. + +"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil." + +"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money." + +"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels." + +"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt--"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste." + +"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you." + +"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever." + +"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +_confidante_ of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent _my_ knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!" + +"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman." + +I obeyed, leaving my husband with this _gentleman_, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated! + + * * * * * + +That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLV. + + +TO Col. MONTAGUE. + +I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +_derangé_, and that he had practised an unsuccessful _manÅ“uvre_ on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve. + +In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me." + +"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young _Cub_ in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time." + +"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable." + +"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D-- the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves. + +When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure." + +"The remedy is worse than the disease." + +"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go. + +"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?" + +"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to." + +"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?" + +"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?" + +"Yes; my life." + +"What, at Tyburn?" + +"Dam--n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect--the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not _that_ suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?" + +"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned." + +"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir." + +You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it! + +"Gods! what a thought is there!" + +Adieu! + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVI. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)--Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage." + +"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman. + +"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William." + +"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting. + +"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you." + +I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!" + +"They won't hurt you; I want you here." + +"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them." + +I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune. + +Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him." + +"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?" + +"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you." + +"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it." + +"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will." + +"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up--"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your _insults_ with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?" + +"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money." + +"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house." + +"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service." + +"Would to heaven you had done so long--long before I had seen you!" + +"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!" + +"Power! alas! what power have I?" + +"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not--do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?" + +"By no means." + +"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable." + +"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house." + +"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery." + +"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony. + +"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him." + +"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation. + +"What would _you_ do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand. + +"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?" + +"You have the means in your power." + +"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more--much more than I can bear." + +"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?" + +"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!" + +"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment--I act but by his +consent." + +"By his consent!" + +"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a _forgery_, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart." + +Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!--"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand, + +WILLIAM STANLEY." + +Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life." + +"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!" + +"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband." + +"What, should I barter my soul to save _one_ so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!" + +"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William." + +Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence--for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition--eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate--my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William--that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless--Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you." + +"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny." + +"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers." + +"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare--I insist, Sir--leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon--"Forgive me!--Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!" + +"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly. + +"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful." + +"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?" + +"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns." + +"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?" + +"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought." + +"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines--but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever, + +MARIA FINCH." + +I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to--oh! what shall I call him?--the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus: + +"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife, + +JULIA STANLEY." + +Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort! + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLVII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Well, Jack, we are all _entrain_. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose--but I love +to have my adorables meet me--_almost_ half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours. + +I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder? + + * * * * * + +Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction. + +My mind is a hell--I cannot reflect--I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience. + + * * * * * + +In what a different style I began this letter--with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on _me_, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt. + +I am your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Dear Madam, + +A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship. + +We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her. + +Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble. + +Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant, + +MARIA FINCH. + + + + +LETTER XLIX. + + +From the SYLPH. + +The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over. + +In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence. + +There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, _to be good is to be happy;_ but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu! + +Ever your faithful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER L. + + +TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL. + +Woodley-vale. + +My dear Sir George, + +It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand--"Don't leave us--I will be more myself--Don't +leave us, my second father!--Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece. + +Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!--I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, _nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!_ + +I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too--indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being _her_ sister. And my +little _Finch_ is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you. + +Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that _time_ to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +_friend_ from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever!_ + +EDWARD STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LI. + + +To Miss FINCH. + +You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +_rencontre_ with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +_confidante_ of a _penchant_ for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife _unhackneyed in the ways +of the world_. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers. + +And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an _old fool_." + +He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, _I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray_? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may _my_ trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +_his!_ + +My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + * * * * * + +[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.--While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.] + + + + +LETTER LII. + +TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey, + +This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that _she_ has not been _one day_ out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant. + +I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals--well, time will shew--in the mean time, +adieu! + +Your's, most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter. + +At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne--"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his _devoir_ to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me--"Harry Woodley!" I repeated. + +"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +_my_ father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection--an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he _was_ the _first_, but _now_ is _second_ in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness. + +I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles." + + * * * * * + +He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last--he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world. + +Adieu! + +Your's most truly, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Melford-Abbey. + +Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the _confidante_ of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth. + +You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love--and _love_ of the purest, noblest kind. + +He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken--he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was--that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy--and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum? + +He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear? + +I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me--a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, _a burnt child dreads the fire._ These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us--his extreme tenderness--the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers! + +Adieu! I am dressed _en cavalier_, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a _tête-à -tête_ with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But _here_--he is in the way. + +Your's, + +L. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is--it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love--of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not--write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of _love_ has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more! + +I remember the ill-fated youth--ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear--was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme? + +Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering--indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit--have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me--he may of +_Destiny_; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of _her!_ + + * * * * * + +I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men? + +Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!--he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say--_see him_. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon--but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can. + +Adieu! + +Your's most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LVII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can _love_ +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!--for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!--she, who was once +all tenderness--all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, _and +felt for weakness which she never knew_-- + + "It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly; + Our _sex_, as well as I, may chide you for it, + Though I alone do feel the injury--" + +you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!--all its +anxieties!--Oh, Louisa! can you forget my _confidence_ in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, _my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power_. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my _inexorableness_, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me! + +How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a _stranger_! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of _your +favourite_ to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive? + +But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done. + +My good uncle is better.--You have wrung my heart--and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further _forbearance._ + +My resolution is fixed--no matter what that is--there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot--you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!--of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?--I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival. + +Adieu! + +Your's for ever, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +Stanley-park. + +Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me. + +You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.] + +I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words: + +"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings." + +I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"--But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, _Ton-hausen!_ I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent--"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?" + +"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner. + +"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?" + +"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence." + +"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural." + +"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!" + +"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?" + +"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion." + +"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +_confidant_ of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?" + +"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced." + +"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you." + +"No, you was not." + +"Not married, before I was seen by you?" + +"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you--loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?" + +"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!" + +"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here." + +"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?" + +"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father." + +"My father! Is my father here?" + +"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly. + +"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see." + +"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?" + +"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same." + +"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor _Ton-hausen_?" + +"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known." + +By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?" + +"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him." + +"Call me _your's_," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. _Your_ sister, and soon, I hope, _mine_, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, _grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength_. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer--not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution--nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). _He_ it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a _presentiment_, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our _passions_ before _reason_ could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +_That_ I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these _pious frauds_; and to reassure her she shall, if _the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things_, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley." + +"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future. + +I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe. + +Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow. + +Adieu! + +I am your's ever + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me. + +I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present. + +I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon. + +Pray how do you go on? Are you near your _accouchement_? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet. + +Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of _poetical justice_. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,--for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +_all's well that ends well_. As to your Proteus, with all his _aliases_, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom! + +What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. _Tell it not in Gath_. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +_beau monde._ + +Adieu! + +MARIA BRUDENEL. + + +FINIS. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 38525 *** diff --git a/38525-h/38525-h.htm b/38525-h/38525-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..86a61cc --- /dev/null +++ b/38525-h/38525-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7980 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<!-- $Id: header.txt 236 2009-12-07 18:57:00Z vlsimpson $ --> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Sylph, by Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +a:link {color: #800000; text-decoration: none; } +v:link {color: #800000; text-decoration: none; } + +.bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + +.bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + +.bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + +.br {border-right: solid 2px;} + +.bbox {border: solid 2px;} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.u {text-decoration: underline;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 38525 ***</div> + +<h1>THE SYLPH</h1> + +<h3>By</h3> + +<h2>GEORGIANA</h2> + +<h2>DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE</h2> + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">By laws eternal to th'aërial kind:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Some in the fields of purest æther play,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Our humbler province is to tend the Fair,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Not a less pleasing, <i>nor</i> less glorious care."</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">POPE's Rape of the Lock.</span><br /> +</p> + + + +<p><a href="#Table_of_Contents">Contents</a></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="VOLUME_I" id="VOLUME_I"></a>VOLUME I</h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_I" id="LETTER_I"></a>LETTER I.</h3> + + +<p>TO LORD BIDDULPH.</p> + +<p>It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have <i>nothing</i>, to +get <i>something</i>; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced.</p> + +<p>What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled!</p> + +<p>But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate—I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."—But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.—Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin.</p> + +<p>I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, <i>I am married</i>, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +<i>begin with the first</i>.</p> + +<p>I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G——. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my <i>conge</i> and departed. +On my journey—as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement—I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a <i>sentimental traveller</i> pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the <i>cloud-capt</i> mountains one morning—a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend—from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +<i>our</i> world.—I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +<i>like Patience on a monument</i>, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could—hoping better fortune by and bye.</p> + +<p>In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations.</p> + +<p>After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs.</p> + +<p>One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood."</p> + +<p>"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me.</p> + +<p>As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate.</p> + +<p>"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry."</p> + +<p>"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!"</p> + +<p>"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture."</p> + +<p>"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on <i>my</i> +daughter."</p> + +<p>"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest."</p> + +<p>"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form."</p> + +<p>"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against <i>simple fornication</i>. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."—I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my <i>innocence of actual seduction</i>, and such stuff—) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present.</p> + +<p>When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly—It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that <i>bore</i> +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the <i>arms</i> of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids—yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate.</p> + +<p>I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +<i>for better, for worse;</i> yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +<i>badinage</i>, and sometimes something more, with a married woman—I would +much rather that my wife, like Cæsar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class—and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."—And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive?</p> + +<p>However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a <i>je ne sçai quoi</i>, +a <i>tout ensemble</i>, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley.</p> + +<p>Shall I whisper you a secret—but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon—I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn—Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me—having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry—and then it is too late: the die is +cast.</p> + +<p>I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant—and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither—though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me,</p> + +<p>Your lordship's devoted,</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_II" id="LETTER_II"></a>LETTER II.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for <i>sin and +sea-coal</i> in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine;</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"And days of peace do still succeed</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To nights of calm repose."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband!</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"And when I am weary of wandering all day,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;—besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,—and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father.</p> + +<p>One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.—In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,—and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity.</p> + +<p>It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.—I was extremely desirous of practising a few manÅ“uvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;—but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;—if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,—remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next."</p> + +<p>I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.—Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.—I am sick to death of the constant <i>routine</i> of circumstances +here—<i>the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever</i>. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with.</p> + +<p>I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +<i>rib</i>.—She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive.</p> + +<p>Sylph is fixed on.—Our <i>suite</i> will be a Welsh <i>fille de chambre</i>, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;—as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our <i>beaux d'esprits</i> of the +motley tribe.—I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.—I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.—I was going to say +services,—but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's?</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_III" id="LETTER_III"></a>LETTER III.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.—I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;—they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced—and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.—I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.—And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure.</p> + +<p>As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.—This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.—I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;—and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;—but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come.</p> + +<p>I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!—Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the <i>etiquettes</i> of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,—and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;—one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.—I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,—and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much.</p> + +<p>Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice.</p> + +<p>I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses.</p> + +<p>Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange.</p> + +<p>I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife—in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea.</p> + +<p>It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place.</p> + +<p>My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_IV" id="LETTER_IV"></a>LETTER IV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Dear JACK,</p> + +<p>I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word <i>animated +nature</i>. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms.</p> + +<p>Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me.</p> + +<p>I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +<i>devoirs</i> of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women.</p> + +<p>Whom do you think he has introduced as <i>chaperons</i> to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_V" id="LETTER_V"></a>LETTER V.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you.</p> + +<p>My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself!</p> + +<p>I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu!</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VI" id="LETTER_VI"></a>LETTER VI.</h3> + + +<p>To JAMES SPENCER, Esq.</p> + +<p>It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence.</p> + +<p>You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me.</p> + +<p>Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found.</p> + +<p>I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you.</p> + +<p>All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;—a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,—and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,—with that it grew, and with that only will expire.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man;</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">No other vows shall e'er my heart engage."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.—Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;—she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.—Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me.</p> + +<p>Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her—I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same—the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door—oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours—at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family—and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me.</p> + +<p>You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say <i>small +satisfaction</i>? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen.</p> + +<p>I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour—a studied civility—an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous—frequent expressions of fearing to +offend—and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that <i>certainty</i> she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish.</p> + +<p>I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your</p> + +<p>HENRY WOODLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VII" id="LETTER_VII"></a>LETTER VII.</h3> + + +<p>TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq.</p> + +<p>No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.—I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present.</p> + +<p>Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.—Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to <i>a man of fashion</i>. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is—without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life!</p> + +<p>The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;—he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play—attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the <i>ton</i> in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.—Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,—and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.—She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!—but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.—For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.—Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,—and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude.</p> + +<p>I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.—When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful</p> + +<p>J. SPENCER.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VIII" id="LETTER_VIII"></a>LETTER VIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.—If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song.</p> + +<p> +"What was our <i>shame</i>, is now our <i>pride</i>."<br /> +</p> + +<p>I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.—I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,—it is <i>la cheveaux de la Regne</i>;—but the <i>colour +de puce</i> is esteemed before it, and mixed with <i>d'Artois</i>, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the <i>Pont sang</i> is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +<i>feuile mort</i>, or <i>la noysette</i>." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;—therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public.</p> + +<p>I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me—and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the <i>ton</i>." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,—and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace.</p> + +<p>Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +<i>au dernier gout</i>. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,—and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely <i>bore</i> to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, <i>ah! quel +savage</i>! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are <i>magnifique</i>, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?—Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.—I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.—"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the <i>tramontane</i>. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most <i>outré</i> figure in the +<i>beau monde</i>. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a <i>fille de chambre</i>, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years.</p> + +<p>Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.—I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;—and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way.</p> + +<p>Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.—Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."—Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without—it positively is not +decent."</p> + +<p>"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair—how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your <i>nut-brown +maid!</i>"</p> + +<p>"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +<i>ma charmante!</i>"</p> + +<p>With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands—often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,—and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented <i>pomade de Venus.</i> At length the words, "<i>vous +êtes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"</i> were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;—but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.—The <i>dresser of the actresses</i> exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, <i>chignion, +toque, pomades</i>, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, <i>&c. &c. &c</i>. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D——, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +<i>dishabillé</i>? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's <i>ruelle</i>, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes."</p> + +<p>My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!—But it is +the <i>ton</i>; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam.</p> + +<p>Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu!</p> + +<p>IN CONTINUATION</p> + +<p>My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you."</p> + +<p>"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint."</p> + +<p>This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, <i>I have no cause of complaint</i>.</p> + +<p>Your's most sincerely,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_IX" id="LETTER_IX"></a>LETTER IX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>My Dearest Child,</p> + +<p>The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia—prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles.</p> + +<p>Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may—it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age.</p> + +<p>You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to <i>your</i> amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with <i>éclat</i>, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed—I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured—with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age—or even +then, without a bequest—would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security.</p> + +<p>In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years—though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation."</p> + +<p>Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind.</p> + +<p>Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover—but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning—then winged her flight to +heaven—leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men.</p> + +<p>I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility—of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me—as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste—at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts.</p> + +<p>I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her—wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice."</p> + +<p>Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight—as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted.</p> + +<p>In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me—none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it.</p> + +<p>When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little <i>billet</i>, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,—"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books—the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions.</p> + +<p>In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression—<i>the activity of my disposition</i>; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend.</p> + +<p>A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted—she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.—But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit—it is time to leave you."</p> + +<p>I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.—I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness—I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself."</p> + +<p>"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor."</p> + +<p>"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.—Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;—but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different—I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.—Now, I was poor and in prison:—then, I listened only to my +passions—now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;—my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.—I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.—Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?—How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.—I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.—These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open <i>this</i> till he has +crossed the seas."</p> + +<p>There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +<i>that</i> I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow:</p> + +<p>"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,—at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it."</p> + +<p>Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words:</p> + +<p>"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.—I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations.</p> + +<p>I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;—but how shall I bid you adieu!"</p> + +<p>The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land—and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.—I was too affected to utter a +word;—her soul had more heroic greatness.—"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England."</p> + +<p>I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;—but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable."</p> + +<p>"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think it," she answered;—"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own."</p> + +<p>We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart—<i>that</i> alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.—It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women.</p> + +<p>For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.—However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter.</p> + +<p>Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.—Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.—I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.—A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.—He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;—they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;—there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?—My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account.</p> + +<p>A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.—Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.—Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.—Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone.</p> + +<p>In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.—"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me."</p> + +<p>"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"But when will spring visit the mouldering urn?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?"</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,—"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?"</p> + +<p>A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame.</p> + +<p>A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."—"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.—I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;—what was my agitation, when I read these words!</p> + +<p>"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!"</p> + +<p>The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria!</p> + +<p>"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,—Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.—Audible sobs +burst from her bosom—I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.—I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,—"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."—She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,—"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.—I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,—and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man."</p> + +<p>"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.—A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection."</p> + +<p>I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:—hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper—a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth.</p> + +<p>The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army.</p> + +<p>While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?"</p> + +<p>"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you—so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same—and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake."</p> + +<p>I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not—if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you—if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you."</p> + +<p>"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me."</p> + +<p>"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service."</p> + +<p>"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing—"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death."</p> + +<p>"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu!</p> + +<p>I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat.</p> + +<p>Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness.</p> + +<p>When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures—and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty.</p> + +<p>I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me.</p> + +<p>Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve.</p> + +<p>I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness.</p> + +<p>About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern.</p> + +<p>Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend."</p> + +<p>I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company.</p> + +<p>One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph:</p> + +<p>"<i>Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq.</i></p> + +<p><i>By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin.</i>"</p> + +<p>This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity—especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition—which +accordingly we did.</p> + +<p>I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful.</p> + +<p>Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father—and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so—otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?"</p> + +<p>"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will."</p> + +<p>"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.—But what say the writings?"</p> + +<p>"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity."</p> + +<p>"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for."</p> + +<p>This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years.</p> + +<p>Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.—Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +<i>that</i>,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">—Seeks thee still in many a former scene;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In all her smiles, without forbidding pride."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms!</p> + +<p>The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred.</p> + +<p>As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world!</p> + +<p>Thy tender and affectionate father,</p> + +<p>E. GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_X" id="LETTER_X"></a>LETTER X.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done.</p> + +<p>The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply—to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find.</p> + +<p>The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home—telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind—as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the <i>ton</i>. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready—you know you are to be at the opera—" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, <i>The rest of the world does so</i>: that's +quite enough.</p> + +<p>But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;—in the rest, <i>he</i> must be my guide.</p> + +<p>My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear.</p> + +<p>I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.—Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance.</p> + +<p>With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest <i>ton</i>, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory.</p> + +<p>Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,—"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?—They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends.</p> + +<p>By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.—Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.—She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;—the heart is not +consulted;—or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,—judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your <i>Cicisbeo</i> to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public."</p> + +<p>"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me."</p> + +<p>"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment."</p> + +<p>"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer."</p> + +<p>"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.—I might some time hence want a +<i>confidante</i>, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion."</p> + +<p>I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,—and +that my sentiments would not alter."</p> + +<p>"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.—As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.—Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see—add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you—you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:—it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety."</p> + +<p>"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.—I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.—Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes.</p> + +<p>As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the <i>beau monde</i>, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet—for ever proposing this or the other +scheme—which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure—but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life.</p> + +<p>Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my <i>Cicisbeo</i>—that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair—handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him.</p> + +<p>Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XI" id="LETTER_XI"></a>LETTER XI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices.</p> + +<p>That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)—you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord—what's his odious name?—why is he to be your <i>escorte</i>? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in!</p> + +<p>I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Clowns as well can act the rake,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">As those in higher sphere."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in <i>our</i> family would have given her some weight +in <i>your's</i>, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year.</p> + +<p>Would to heaven you were here!—I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;—but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation.</p> + +<p>I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, <i>I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible</i>. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it!</p> + +<p>Dearest Julia, adieu!</p> + +<p>Believe me your faithful</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XII" id="LETTER_XII"></a>LETTER XII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?—No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."—As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.—I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off.</p> + +<p>"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name."</p> + +<p>"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?"</p> + +<p>"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?"</p> + +<p>"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.—I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it."</p> + +<p>"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?"</p> + +<p>"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling—"to an +husband."</p> + +<p>"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?"</p> + +<p>"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,—Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?"</p> + +<p>"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?—This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance."</p> + +<p>I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose."</p> + +<p>I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company."</p> + +<p>The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard.</p> + +<p>I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.—Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own <i>there</i> I am +in some degree piqued. But, if <i>he</i> is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,—an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do.</p> + +<p>As to the Å“conomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.—However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's.</p> + +<p>I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere.</p> + +<p>I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!—A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these <i>tendres</i> from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. <i>Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder</i>, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;—fashion not +making it decent to appear together.</p> + +<p>These <i>etiquettes</i>, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to.</p> + +<p>"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!—It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.—Absence seems to increase my affection.—One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIII" id="LETTER_XIII"></a>LETTER XIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex—which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine.</p> + +<p>Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;—and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.—If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.—Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,—and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so."</p> + +<p>Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it.</p> + +<p>If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.—She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.—The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her <i>vis à vis</i> that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the <i>ton</i> to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.—I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions.</p> + +<p>Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.—"There is Sir William," said I.—"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here."</p> + +<p>"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.—The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages.</p> + +<p>A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here."</p> + +<p>"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken—though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.—Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him."</p> + +<p>"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men—and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?"</p> + +<p>"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her <i>Caro Sposo</i> was seen with a favourite Sultana?"</p> + +<p>"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that—<i>tout la mode de +François</i>. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?"</p> + +<p>"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self."</p> + +<p>"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too."</p> + +<p>"I do when I can," I answered.—Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me."</p> + +<p>"Most chearfully," said she;—"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?"</p> + +<p>Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D—'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented.</p> + +<p>I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia—with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness—he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +<i>honour</i> and <i>obey</i> my husband, so will I strive to <i>love</i> him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice—to say he was the first man I almost ever saw—and +to plead my youth and inexperience—oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"For man the lawless libertine may rove."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful—and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it—I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance.</p> + +<p>"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P—, with his round +unthinking face—how assiduous he was to Miss W——, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +<i>rouge</i> than almost any woman of quality—extolling her <i>forest of +hair</i>, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box—and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L——, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer—perhaps been burnt to +death—had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the <i>capitol</i>. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen—The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties."</p> + +<p>"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies."</p> + +<p>The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me.</p> + +<p>I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage—in short, nothing which +Monsieur <i>Corross</i> could not remedy in a few hours.</p> + +<p>My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered.</p> + +<p>"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.—My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite <i>en +dishabille</i>, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed—"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed."</p> + +<p>"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"—cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."—"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh—but added, in a more +serious tone—"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will <i>be blind, insensible and blind</i>."</p> + +<p>"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know—that I +was at the opera—and with a lady too.—Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident—but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine."</p> + +<p>"I will in all my best obey you," said I.—"Then go to bed," said +he—"<i>To bed, my love, and I will follow thee</i>."</p> + +<p>You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.—Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.—Yes, Louisa—was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses—but for the softer sentiments of the soul—that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin—of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIV" id="LETTER_XIV"></a>LETTER XIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me—yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point.</p> + +<p>Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.—Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree—No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming—men swearing—altogether—I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.—No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits—you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm—and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth—and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door—and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found—or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us.</p> + +<p>As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying—I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!"</p> + +<p>"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses—you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found—ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them—or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room—and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely—I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour."</p> + +<p>"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look—He seemed to correct himself.—Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances.</p> + +<p>The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside.</p> + +<p>Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic—a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms—at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."—Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending—yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I <i>did</i> experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger.</p> + +<p>I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence—"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening.</p> + +<p>Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Is every thing by starts, and nothing long."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XV" id="LETTER_XV"></a>LETTER XV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.—You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband—I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,—'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;—it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.—You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world—at least so it appears to me—is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?—Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in <i>the busy haunts of men</i>, +hazarded the privation of <i>that peace which goodness bosoms ever</i>. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!—But how much more should <i>you</i> keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;—you respect his silence;—you pity his sufferings.—Reprobate +respect!—abjure pity!—they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen.</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVI" id="LETTER_XVI"></a>LETTER XVI.</h3> + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;—yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,—remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson—why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.—Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;—I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVII" id="LETTER_XVII"></a>LETTER XVII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,—a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;—all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.——</p> + +<p>THE LETTER.</p> + +<p>"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself.</p> + +<p>My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works.</p> + +<p>I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.—It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;—nay, should possibly—enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel—such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance—unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.—But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;—to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;—to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;—to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity.</p> + +<p>I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aërial beings;—as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;—I have +hinted, I knew you well;—when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains.</p> + +<p>Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;—what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.—Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.—I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle.</p> + +<p>I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my <i>mind's eye</i> I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;—press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced—nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's.</p> + +<p>I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;—and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart—the criterion, by which I would have you +judge—ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the <i>confidant</i> of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit—The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays</p> + +<p>Your SYLPH."</p> + +<p>Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate—on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVIII" id="LETTER_XVIII"></a>LETTER XVIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!—And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIX" id="LETTER_XIX"></a>LETTER XIX.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded—I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side.</p> + +<p>Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford—Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +<i>effronterie</i> to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's <i>amours</i>. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man?</p> + +<p>Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have—but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents—when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of <i>Lucy +Gardener</i>, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree—yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but <i>femaleism</i> prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down:</p> + +<p>"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours <i>tête à tête</i> with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,—to be slighted thus by +you.—Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach</p> + +<p>LUCY GARDENER."</p> + +<p>The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious <i>morçeau</i>; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's <i>valet</i>, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the <i>billet,</i> as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?—No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XX" id="LETTER_XX"></a>LETTER XX.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time—since this might in the end be destructive.</p> + +<p>The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas—and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation.</p> + +<p>About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript.</p> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,—which however in this licentious town can never take +place—may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards.</p> + +<p>If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation—the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray—even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;—it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage.</p> + +<p>To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts—their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards—which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play—and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune—and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her.</p> + +<p>The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D—, now +deserted her—in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time—as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole—or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them—and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband—and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation—since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her—and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for—he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect—and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt—"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost <i>sang-froid</i>—"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?—I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,—"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.—"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.—"Consider the +hours we have been <i>tête à tête</i> together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.—Come, Madam, it grows late.—In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.—What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;—they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?—Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void—otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape."</p> + +<p>"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release—Do not then, do not with-hold my right."</p> + +<p>"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L.</p> + +<p>How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep—sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings—to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;—but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime—as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D—, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."—Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep—to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.—You may +suppose what followed.—In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it.</p> + +<p>To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles.</p> + +<p>Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it!</p> + +<p>Your faithful SYLPH."</p> + +<p>Lady STANLEY in Continuation</p> + +<p>Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other.</p> + +<p>Even my protector—he who has sworn before God and man;—but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXI" id="LETTER_XXI"></a>LETTER XXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial <i>tête à tête</i>, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties.</p> + +<p>Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy.</p> + +<p>"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.—"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."—"No, no, +you can be of no use to me—though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."—"I the cause!—for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement."</p> + +<p>"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to <i>her</i> face, <i>a cursed infatuation</i>!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was—I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.—"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face—"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;—I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.—Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of."</p> + +<p>"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +<i>derangement</i> of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."—During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.—With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,—in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."—"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."—"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."—"Reflect! Oh, that is so <i>outré</i>! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D—r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection."</p> + +<p>"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!"</p> + +<p>"Well said, my little <i>monitress</i>! why you are quite an <i>orator</i> too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be <i>just</i> at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. <i>Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away</i>, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy.</p> + +<p>The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,—never could experience that genuine sentimental passion,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To bless the dearer object of its soul."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>No, his passions are turbulent—the madness of the moment—eager to +please himself—regardless of the satisfaction of the object.—And yet I +thought he loved—I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXII" id="LETTER_XXII"></a>LETTER XXII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:—he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was <i>my</i> wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as <i>he</i> is, or as <i>I</i> am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."—While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,—"It is in vain—I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the <i>commerce-table</i>, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.—I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."—We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;—there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.—Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine <i>pigeon</i> by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious <i>morçeau</i> by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.—Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are <i>derangé</i>, as well as mine.—But, <i>courage, mi Lor</i>, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.—I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present.</p> + +<p>Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my <i>boring</i> you with these trifles;—for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the <i>trifle</i> that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +<i>soft deity, that</i> is the <i>greatest</i> trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all.</p> + +<p>I am your's most cordially,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIII" id="LETTER_XXIII"></a>LETTER XXIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the <i>polite</i> world—<i>Black-legs</i>. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.—Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear—more dear +than ever—parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am <i>his</i> wife,—and, what is more, <i>your</i> sister. Would +you believe it? he—Sir William I mean—is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,—and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and <i>that</i>, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him.</p> + +<p>Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;—but he +has taught me sufficient of evil—thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind <i>Sylph</i>, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:—What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIV" id="LETTER_XXIV"></a>LETTER XXIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner.</p> + +<p>TO THE SYLPH</p> + +<p>"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing <i>it</i> more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand."</p> + +<p>I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken.</p> + +<p>And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;—my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,—not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +<i>per Cent</i>. Am I wrong in styling them <i>infernal</i>? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call <i>Witches</i>, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth.</p> + +<p><i>These</i> now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed.</p> + +<p>I go very little from home—In truth, I have no creature to go with.—I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because <i>fairest</i>, but <i>best</i>. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?—Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall <i>be delivered from +evil</i>?</p> + +<p>Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?—for too surely, <i>that</i> was +appearance—<i>this</i> reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while <i>we</i> listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now—But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel—who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme.</p> + +<p>But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William <i>to +himself</i>; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel—yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.—Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately—Miss Finch, I should say—has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady—for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by <i>accident</i>—and always to have some <i>prior</i> +engagement when they proposed meeting by <i>design</i>.</p> + +<p>Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.—But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. <i>She</i> must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXV" id="LETTER_XXV"></a>LETTER XXV.</h3> + + +<p>Enclosed in the foregoing.</p> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its <i>only</i> reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.—And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while <i>they</i> are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before—how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of <i>virtue</i>; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find <i>her</i> "in her own form—how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man—than the Rosicrusian philosopher.—But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it—we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more <i>tremblingly +alive</i> than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being—and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile—yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you.</p> + +<p>I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities.</p> + +<p>When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you!</p> + +<p>Your careful</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVI" id="LETTER_XXVI"></a>LETTER XXVI.</h3> + + +<p>To THE SYLPH.</p> + +<p>It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults—for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you.</p> + +<p>Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion—or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour—and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits—and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven.</p> + +<p>I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but <i>none</i> +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even <i>his</i> irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment—and abide most chearfully +by your decision.</p> + +<p>Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides—nor ever casts one look behind.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="VOLUME_II" id="VOLUME_II"></a>VOLUME II</h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVII" id="LETTER_XXVII"></a>LETTER XXVII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of—my Sylph, my guardian angel!</p> + +<p>In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the <i>idea</i> +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of <i>humanity</i> he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The <i>design</i> I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning—she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day."</p> + +<p>"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female <i>tête-à -tête</i>." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one.</p> + +<p>As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him—I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly—"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure—let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry—but without any notion of its being an union for +life—only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals—oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible.</p> + +<p>"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these <i>modern</i> husbands? I fear +me, I should become a <i>modern</i> wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him."</p> + +<p>"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?"</p> + +<p>"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be."</p> + +<p>"Do I know the happy man?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too."</p> + +<p>"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?"</p> + +<p>"Lord Biddulph!—No, indeed!—not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though <i>he</i> has a title, but not an English one."</p> + +<p>To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined—"So then, +I may wish the <i>Baron</i> joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech.</p> + +<p>"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity."</p> + +<p>"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now—pray proceed."</p> + +<p>"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?"</p> + +<p>"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind."</p> + +<p>"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude—oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes—my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words—and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an <i>adroit</i> fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself.</p> + +<p>"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my <i>vis-à -vis</i>.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?—What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be <i>just</i> to yourself, and <i>generously indulgent</i> +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time—we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon—I am too +serious—tho' my <i>tête-à -têtes</i> with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that <i>I</i> +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of <i>peeping behind the curtain</i>, and having the +whole <i>drama</i> before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament—without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.'</p> + +<p>'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam—we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.'</p> + +<p>"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children.</p> + +<p>'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the <i>happy</i> hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted <i>that</i> neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what <i>fort</i> can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like <i>Pamela Andrews</i>; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B—, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +<i>so</i>, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that <i>change</i>; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the <i>red-coats</i>. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as <i>I</i> am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain:</p> + +<p>'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least <i>regard</i>. I fear, I have +forfeited <i>that</i> of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and <i>hoped</i> there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one—our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw—she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided.</p> + +<p>'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too <i>dishonourable</i> a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.'</p> + +<p>"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one."</p> + +<p>We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave.</p> + +<p>Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. <i>I</i> might then have been the envied <i>confidante</i> of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that <i>I</i>, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen—Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought—I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so <i>improper</i> an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts.</p> + +<p>Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVIII" id="LETTER_XXVIII"></a>LETTER XXVIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, <i>To Gratitude</i>, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIX" id="LETTER_XXIX"></a>LETTER XXIX.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal!</p> + +<p>None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +<i>know</i> and <i>see</i> you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXX" id="LETTER_XXX"></a>LETTER XXX.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one <i>other</i> is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that <i>repose</i>, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that <i>other</i> too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had <i>he</i> known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no <i>one</i> to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me.</p> + +<p>I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +<i>it</i>, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXI" id="LETTER_XXXI"></a>LETTER XXXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>My dearest Sister,</p> + +<p>It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in <i>no other</i> can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that <i>he</i> has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +<i>perfidy</i> occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, <i>you</i> could have no <i>hope</i> to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of <i>disappointment</i> and <i>despair</i>; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his <i>confidante</i>. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be <i>greater</i> likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXII" id="LETTER_XXXII"></a>LETTER XXXII.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that <i>vice</i> need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation.</p> + +<p>I am ever your obliged,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIII" id="LETTER_XXXIII"></a>LETTER XXXIII.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +<i>confide</i>, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, <i>you</i> had better be the <i>leader</i> than the <i>led</i>; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is.</p> + +<p>I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see <i>you</i>; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIV" id="LETTER_XXXIV"></a>LETTER XXXIV.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXV" id="LETTER_XXXV"></a>LETTER XXXV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else.</p> + +<p>That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly <i>outré</i>, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction?</p> + +<p>Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +<i>Tavistock-street</i>; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its <i>goût</i>; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was <i>tête-à -tête</i> with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph."</p> + +<p>"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a <i>man</i>, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal <i>devoir</i> to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me."</p> + +<p>"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?"</p> + +<p>"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified."</p> + +<p>"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman."</p> + +<p>"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor <i>cast one longing +lingering look behind?</i>"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!"</p> + +<p>"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?"</p> + +<p>"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went."</p> + +<p>"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?"</p> + +<p>I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose."</p> + +<p>"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a <i>penchant</i> for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?"</p> + +<p>I sighed—"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?"</p> + +<p>"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, <i>the heart of man is deceitful above all things</i>. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as <i>that</i> may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long <i>tête-à -tête</i> +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present—see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose—I did the same—he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me?</p> + +<p>The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a <i>tour</i> of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph.</p> + +<p>"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure."</p> + +<p>"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence.</p> + +<p>He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff.</p> + +<p>I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation.</p> + +<p>"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own."</p> + +<p>By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:—she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?"</p> + +<p>"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please."</p> + +<p>"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me?</p> + +<p>Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more <i>welcome</i> under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate.</p> + +<p>About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!"</p> + +<p>"I have had something more than <i>fatigue</i> to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised."</p> + +<p>"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house."</p> + +<p>"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house."</p> + +<p>"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him.</p> + +<p>Sir William seemed extremely <i>chagrined</i>; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape.</p> + +<p>But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too—yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal—But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVI" id="LETTER_XXXVI"></a>LETTER XXXVI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed.</p> + +<p>"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits."</p> + +<p>"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if <i>you</i> would withhold the +murderous knife."</p> + +<p>"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast.</p> + +<p>Adieu! Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVII" id="LETTER_XXXVII"></a>LETTER XXXVII.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +<i>éclat</i>? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care!</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVIII" id="LETTER_XXXVIII"></a>LETTER XXXVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands—but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as <i>I</i> am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIX" id="LETTER_XXXIX"></a>LETTER XXXIX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning <i>his</i> name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents—"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom."</p> + +<p>"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"—I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair.</p> + +<p>"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And image charms I must behold no more."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!"</p> + +<p>"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him—for ever!</p> + +<p>I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XL" id="LETTER_XL"></a>LETTER XL.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the <i>Morning Post</i>. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that <i>Hydra</i> of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.—But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like <i>Calista</i> of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to <i>play</i> and to <i>lose</i> is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +<i>remonstrances</i> I have made, and the <i>dissuasives</i> I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly?</p> + +<p>It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +<i>agreeable</i> meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes."</p> + +<p>"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three."</p> + +<p>"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play.</p> + +<p>There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack:</p> + +<p>Remember thy old friend,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLI" id="LETTER_XLI"></a>LETTER XLI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me.</p> + +<p>The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D—'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my <i>chaperon</i>." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose."</p> + +<p>"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present."</p> + +<p>Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can."</p> + +<p>"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?"</p> + +<p>"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;—"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits."</p> + +<p>"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe."</p> + +<p>"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you."</p> + +<p>"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit."</p> + +<p>I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a <i>tendre</i> for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows!</p> + +<p>Your's, most affectionately,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLII" id="LETTER_XLII"></a>LETTER XLII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lord BIDDULPH.</p> + +<p>For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again.</p> + +<p>You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIII" id="LETTER_XLIII"></a>LETTER XLIII.</h3> + + +<p>Enclosed in the foregoing.</p> + +<p>TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Sir,</p> + +<p>I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law.</p> + +<p>I remain, Sir,</p> + +<p>Your humble servant,</p> + +<p>GEORGE BRUDENEL.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIV" id="LETTER_XLIV"></a>LETTER XLIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, <i>how hard is my fate</i>! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster.</p> + +<p>Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly—No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into."</p> + +<p>"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it."</p> + +<p>"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence."</p> + +<p>"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever."</p> + +<p>"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice.</p> + +<p>"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil."</p> + +<p>"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money."</p> + +<p>"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels."</p> + +<p>"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt—"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you."</p> + +<p>"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever."</p> + +<p>"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +<i>confidante</i> of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent <i>my</i> knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!"</p> + +<p>"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman."</p> + +<p>I obeyed, leaving my husband with this <i>gentleman</i>, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated!</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLV" id="LETTER_XLV"></a>LETTER XLV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Col. MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +<i>derangé</i>, and that he had practised an unsuccessful <i>manÅ“uvre</i> on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve.</p> + +<p>In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me."</p> + +<p>"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young <i>Cub</i> in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time."</p> + +<p>"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable."</p> + +<p>"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D— the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves.</p> + +<p>When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure."</p> + +<p>"The remedy is worse than the disease."</p> + +<p>"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go.</p> + +<p>"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?"</p> + +<p>"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to."</p> + +<p>"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?"</p> + +<p>"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; my life."</p> + +<p>"What, at Tyburn?"</p> + +<p>"Dam—n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect—the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not <i>that</i> suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned."</p> + +<p>"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir."</p> + +<p>You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it!</p> + +<p>"Gods! what a thought is there!"</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVI" id="LETTER_XLVI"></a>LETTER XLVI.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)—Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman.</p> + +<p>"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William."</p> + +<p>"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting.</p> + +<p>"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you."</p> + +<p>I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!"</p> + +<p>"They won't hurt you; I want you here."</p> + +<p>"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them."</p> + +<p>I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune.</p> + +<p>Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him."</p> + +<p>"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?"</p> + +<p>"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you."</p> + +<p>"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it."</p> + +<p>"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will."</p> + +<p>"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up—"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your <i>insults</i> with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?"</p> + +<p>"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money."</p> + +<p>"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house."</p> + +<p>"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service."</p> + +<p>"Would to heaven you had done so long—long before I had seen you!"</p> + +<p>"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!"</p> + +<p>"Power! alas! what power have I?"</p> + +<p>"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not—do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?"</p> + +<p>"By no means."</p> + +<p>"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable."</p> + +<p>"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house."</p> + +<p>"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery."</p> + +<p>"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony.</p> + +<p>"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him."</p> + +<p>"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation.</p> + +<p>"What would <i>you</i> do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand.</p> + +<p>"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?"</p> + +<p>"You have the means in your power."</p> + +<p>"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more—much more than I can bear."</p> + +<p>"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?"</p> + +<p>"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!"</p> + +<p>"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment—I act but by his +consent."</p> + +<p>"By his consent!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a <i>forgery</i>, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart."</p> + +<p>Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!—"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand,</p> + +<p>WILLIAM STANLEY."</p> + +<p>Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life."</p> + +<p>"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!"</p> + +<p>"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband."</p> + +<p>"What, should I barter my soul to save <i>one</i> so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William."</p> + +<p>Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence—for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition—eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate—my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William—that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless—Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you."</p> + +<p>"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny."</p> + +<p>"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers."</p> + +<p>"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare—I insist, Sir—leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon—"Forgive me!—Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!"</p> + +<p>"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly.</p> + +<p>"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful."</p> + +<p>"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?"</p> + +<p>"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns."</p> + +<p>"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?"</p> + +<p>"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought."</p> + +<p>"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines—but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever,</p> + +<p>MARIA FINCH."</p> + +<p>I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to—oh! what shall I call him?—the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus:</p> + +<p>"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY."</p> + +<p>Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort!</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVII" id="LETTER_XLVII"></a>LETTER XLVII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Well, Jack, we are all <i>entrain</i>. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose—but I love +to have my adorables meet me—<i>almost</i> half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours.</p> + +<p>I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder?</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction.</p> + +<p>My mind is a hell—I cannot reflect—I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In what a different style I began this letter—with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on <i>me</i>, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt.</p> + +<p>I am your's,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVIII" id="LETTER_XLVIII"></a>LETTER XLVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Dear Madam,</p> + +<p>A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship.</p> + +<p>We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her.</p> + +<p>Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble.</p> + +<p>Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant,</p> + +<p>MARIA FINCH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIX" id="LETTER_XLIX"></a>LETTER XLIX.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over.</p> + +<p>In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence.</p> + +<p>There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, <i>to be good is to be happy;</i> but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu!</p> + +<p>Ever your faithful</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_L" id="LETTER_L"></a>LETTER L.</h3> + + +<p>TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>Woodley-vale.</p> + +<p>My dear Sir George,</p> + +<p>It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand—"Don't leave us—I will be more myself—Don't +leave us, my second father!—Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece.</p> + +<p>Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!—I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, <i>nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!</i></p> + +<p>I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too—indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being <i>her</i> sister. And my +little <i>Finch</i> is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you.</p> + +<p>Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that <i>time</i> to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +<i>friend</i> from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of <i>that peace which goodness bosoms ever!</i></p> + +<p>EDWARD STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LI" id="LETTER_LI"></a>LETTER LI.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss FINCH.</p> + +<p>You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +<i>rencontre</i> with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +<i>confidante</i> of a <i>penchant</i> for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife <i>unhackneyed in the ways +of the world</i>. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers.</p> + +<p>And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an <i>old fool</i>."</p> + +<p>He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, <i>I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray</i>? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may <i>my</i> trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +<i>his!</i></p> + +<p>My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.—While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.]</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LII" id="LETTER_LII"></a>LETTER LII.</h3> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey,</p> + +<p>This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that <i>she</i> has not been <i>one day</i> out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant.</p> + +<p>I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals—well, time will shew—in the mean time, +adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's, most sincerely,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIII" id="LETTER_LIII"></a>LETTER LIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter.</p> + +<p>At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne—"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his <i>devoir</i> to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me—"Harry Woodley!" I repeated.</p> + +<p>"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +<i>my</i> father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection—an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he <i>was</i> the <i>first</i>, but <i>now</i> is <i>second</i> in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness.</p> + +<p>I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last—he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's most truly,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIV" id="LETTER_LIV"></a>LETTER LIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Melford-Abbey.</p> + +<p>Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the <i>confidante</i> of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth.</p> + +<p>You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love—and <i>love</i> of the purest, noblest kind.</p> + +<p>He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken—he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was—that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy—and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum?</p> + +<p>He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear?</p> + +<p>I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me—a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, <i>a burnt child dreads the fire.</i> These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us—his extreme tenderness—the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers!</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am dressed <i>en cavalier</i>, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a <i>tête-à -tête</i> with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But <i>here</i>—he is in the way.</p> + +<p>Your's,</p> + +<p>L. GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LV" id="LETTER_LV"></a>LETTER LV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is—it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love—of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not—write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of <i>love</i> has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more!</p> + +<p>I remember the ill-fated youth—ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear—was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme?</p> + +<p>Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering—indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit—have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me—he may of +<i>Destiny</i>; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of <i>her!</i></p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVI" id="LETTER_LVI"></a>LETTER LVI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men?</p> + +<p>Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!—he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say—<i>see him</i>. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon—but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's most sincerely,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVII" id="LETTER_LVII"></a>LETTER LVII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can <i>love</i> +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!—for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!—she, who was once +all tenderness—all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, <i>and +felt for weakness which she never knew</i>—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Our <i>sex</i>, as well as I, may chide you for it,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Though I alone do feel the injury—"</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!—all its +anxieties!—Oh, Louisa! can you forget my <i>confidence</i> in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, <i>my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power</i>. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my <i>inexorableness</i>, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me!</p> + +<p>How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a <i>stranger</i>! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of <i>your +favourite</i> to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive?</p> + +<p>But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done.</p> + +<p>My good uncle is better.—You have wrung my heart—and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further <i>forbearance.</i></p> + +<p>My resolution is fixed—no matter what that is—there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVIII" id="LETTER_LVIII"></a>LETTER LVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot—you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!—of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?—I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's for ever,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIX" id="LETTER_LIX"></a>LETTER LIX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me.</p> + +<p>You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.]</p> + +<p>I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words:</p> + +<p>"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings."</p> + +<p>I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"—But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, <i>Ton-hausen!</i> I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent—"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?"</p> + +<p>"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner.</p> + +<p>"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?"</p> + +<p>"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence."</p> + +<p>"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural."</p> + +<p>"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!"</p> + +<p>"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?"</p> + +<p>"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion."</p> + +<p>"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +<i>confidant</i> of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?"</p> + +<p>"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced."</p> + +<p>"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you."</p> + +<p>"No, you was not."</p> + +<p>"Not married, before I was seen by you?"</p> + +<p>"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you—loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?"</p> + +<p>"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!"</p> + +<p>"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here."</p> + +<p>"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?"</p> + +<p>"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father."</p> + +<p>"My father! Is my father here?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly.</p> + +<p>"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see."</p> + +<p>"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?"</p> + +<p>"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same."</p> + +<p>"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor <i>Ton-hausen</i>?"</p> + +<p>"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known."</p> + +<p>By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him."</p> + +<p>"Call me <i>your's</i>," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. <i>Your</i> sister, and soon, I hope, <i>mine</i>, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, <i>grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength</i>. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer—not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution—nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). <i>He</i> it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a <i>presentiment</i>, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our <i>passions</i> before <i>reason</i> could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +<i>That</i> I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these <i>pious frauds</i>; and to reassure her she shall, if <i>the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things</i>, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley."</p> + +<p>"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future.</p> + +<p>I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe.</p> + +<p>Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>I am your's ever</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LX" id="LETTER_LX"></a>LETTER LX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me.</p> + +<p>I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present.</p> + +<p>I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon.</p> + +<p>Pray how do you go on? Are you near your <i>accouchement</i>? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet.</p> + +<p>Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LXI" id="LETTER_LXI"></a>LETTER LXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of <i>poetical justice</i>. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,—for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +<i>all's well that ends well</i>. As to your Proteus, with all his <i>aliases</i>, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom!</p> + +<p>What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. <i>Tell it not in Gath</i>. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +<i>beau monde.</i></p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>MARIA BRUDENEL.</p> + + +<p class="caption">FINIS.</p> + +<h4><a name="Table_of_Contents" id="Table_of_Contents"></a>Table of Contents</h4> + +<div class="center" style="font-size: 0.8em"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align="left" width="33%">VOLUME I</td><td align="left" width="33%">VOLUME II</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_I">LETTER I</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVII">LETTER XXVII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIII">LETTER LIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_II">LETTER II</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVIII">LETTER XXVIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIV">LETTER LIV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_III">LETTER III</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIX">LETTER XXIX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LV">LETTER LV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_IV">LETTER IV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXX">LETTER XXX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVI">LETTER LVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_V">LETTER V</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXI">LETTER XXXI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVII">LETTER LVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VI">LETTER VI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXII">LETTER XXXII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVIII">LETTER LVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VII">LETTER VII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIII">LETTER XXXIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIX">LETTER LIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VIII">LETTER VIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIV">LETTER XXXIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LX">LETTER LX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_IX">LETTER IX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXV">LETTER XXXV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LXI">LETTER LXI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_X">LETTER X</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVI">LETTER XXXVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XI">LETTER XI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVII">LETTER XXXVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XII">LETTER XII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVIII">LETTER XXXVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIII">LETTER XIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIX">LETTER XXXIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIV">LETTER XIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XL">LETTER XL</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XV">LETTER XV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLI">LETTER XLI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVI">LETTER XVI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLII">LETTER XLII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVII">LETTER XVII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIII">LETTER XLIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVIII">LETTER XVIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIV">LETTER XLIV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIX">LETTER XIX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLV">LETTER XLV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XX">LETTER XX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVI">LETTER XLVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXI">LETTER XXI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVII">LETTER XLVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXII">LETTER XXII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVIII">LETTER XLVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIII">LETTER XXIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIX">LETTER XLIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIV">LETTER XXIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_L">LETTER L</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXV">LETTER XXV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LI">LETTER LI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVI">LETTER XXVI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LII">LETTER LII</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + + + + + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 38525 ***</div> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..023cd3b --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #38525 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/38525) diff --git a/old/38525-0.txt b/old/38525-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b88c52 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/38525-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8268 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Sylph, Volume I and II + +Author: Georgiana Cavendish + +Release Date: January 8, 2012 [EBook #38525] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + + + + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + + + + +THE SYLPH + +BY + +GEORGIANA + +DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE + + + "Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear, + Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear! + Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd + By laws eternal to th'aërial kind: + Some in the fields of purest æther play, + And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day; + Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high, + Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky: + Our humbler province is to tend the Fair, + Not a less pleasing, _nor_ less glorious care." + + POPE's Rape of the Lock. + + + + +Table of Contents + + + VOLUME I VOLUME II + + LETTER I LETTER XXVII LETTER LIII + LETTER II LETTER XXVIII LETTER LIV + LETTER III LETTER XXIX LETTER LV + LETTER IV LETTER XXX LETTER LVI + LETTER V LETTER XXXI LETTER LVII + LETTER VI LETTER XXXII LETTER LVIII + LETTER VII LETTER XXXIII LETTER LIX + LETTER VIII LETTER XXXIV LETTER LX + LETTER IX LETTER XXXV LETTER LXI + LETTER X LETTER XXXVI + LETTER XI LETTER XXXVII + LETTER XII LETTER XXXVIII + LETTER XIII LETTER XXXIX + LETTER XIV LETTER XL + LETTER XV LETTER XLI + LETTER XVI LETTER XLII + LETTER XVII LETTER XLIII + LETTER XVIII LETTER XLIV + LETTER XIX LETTER XLV + LETTER XX LETTER XLVI + LETTER XX LETTER XLVII + LETTER XXII LETTER XLVIII + LETTER XXIII LETTER XLIX + LETTER XXIV LETTER L + LETTER XXV LETTER LI + LETTER XXVI LETTER LII + + + + +VOLUME I + + + + +LETTER I. + + +TO LORD BIDDULPH. + +It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have _nothing_, to +get _something_; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced. + +What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled! + +But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate--I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."--But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.--Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin. + +I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, _I am married_, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +_begin with the first_. + +I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G----. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my _conge_ and departed. +On my journey--as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement--I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a _sentimental traveller_ pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the _cloud-capt_ mountains one morning--a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend--from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +_our_ world.--I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +_like Patience on a monument_, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could--hoping better fortune by and bye. + +In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations. + +After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs. + +One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood." + +"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me. + +As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate. + +"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry." + +"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!" + +"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture." + +"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on _my_ +daughter." + +"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest." + +"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form." + +"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against _simple fornication_. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."--I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my _innocence of actual seduction_, and such stuff--) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present. + +When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly--It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that _bore_ +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the _arms_ of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids--yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate. + +I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +_for better, for worse;_ yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +_badinage_, and sometimes something more, with a married woman--I would +much rather that my wife, like Cæsar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class--and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."--And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive? + +However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a _je ne sçai quoi_, +a _tout ensemble_, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley. + +Shall I whisper you a secret--but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon--I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn--Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me--having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry--and then it is too late: the die is +cast. + +I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant--and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither--though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me, + +Your lordship's devoted, + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER II. + + +TO THE SAME. + +What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for _sin and +sea-coal_ in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine; + + "And days of peace do still succeed + To nights of calm repose." + +How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband! + + "And when I am weary of wandering all day, + To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come." + +I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;--besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,--and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father. + +One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.--In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,--and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity. + +It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.--I was extremely desirous of practising a few manÅ“uvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;--but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;--if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,--remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next." + +I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.--Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.--I am sick to death of the constant _routine_ of circumstances +here--_the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever_. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with. + +I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +_rib_.--She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive. + +Sylph is fixed on.--Our _suite_ will be a Welsh _fille de chambre_, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;--as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our _beaux d'esprits_ of the +motley tribe.--I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.--I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.--I was going to say +services,--but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's? + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER III. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.--I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;--they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced--and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.--I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.--And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure. + +As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.--This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.--I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;--and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;--but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come. + +I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!--Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the _etiquettes_ of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,--and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;--one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.--I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,--and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much. + +Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice. + +I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses. + +Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange. + +I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife--in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea. + +It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place. + +My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IV. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Dear JACK, + +I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word _animated +nature_. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms. + +Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me. + +I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +_devoirs_ of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women. + +Whom do you think he has introduced as _chaperons_ to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER V. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you. + +My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself! + +I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu! + +LOUISA GRENVILLE + + + + +LETTER VI. + + +To JAMES SPENCER, Esq. + +It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence. + +You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me. + +Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found. + +I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you. + +All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;--a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,--and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,--with that it grew, and with that only will expire. + + "My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began + The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man; + + My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age, + No other vows shall e'er my heart engage." + +Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.--Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;--she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.--Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me. + +Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her--I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same--the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door--oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours--at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family--and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me. + +You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say _small +satisfaction_? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen. + +I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour--a studied civility--an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous--frequent expressions of fearing to +offend--and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that _certainty_ she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish. + +I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your + +HENRY WOODLEY. + + + + +LETTER VII. + + +TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq. + +No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.--I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present. + +Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.--Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to _a man of fashion_. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is--without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life! + +The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;--he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play--attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the _ton_ in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.--Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,--and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.--She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!--but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.--For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.--Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,--and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude. + +I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.--When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful + +J. SPENCER. + + + + +LETTER VIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.--If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song. + +"What was our _shame_, is now our _pride_." + +I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.--I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,--it is _la cheveaux de la Regne_;--but the _colour +de puce_ is esteemed before it, and mixed with _d'Artois_, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the _Pont sang_ is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +_feuile mort_, or _la noysette_." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;--therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public. + +I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me--and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the _ton_." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,--and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace. + +Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +_au dernier gout_. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,--and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely _bore_ to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, _ah! quel +savage_! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air. + + * * * * * + +Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are _magnifique_, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?--Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.--I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.--"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the _tramontane_. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most _outré_ figure in the +_beau monde_. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a _fille de chambre_, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years. + +Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.--I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;--and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way. + +Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.--Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."--Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without--it positively is not +decent." + +"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair--how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your _nut-brown +maid!_" + +"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +_ma charmante!_" + +With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands--often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,--and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented _pomade de Venus._ At length the words, "_vous +êtes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"_ were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;--but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.--The _dresser of the actresses_ exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, _chignion, +toque, pomades_, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, _&c. &c. &c_. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D----, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +_dishabillé_? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's _ruelle_, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes." + +My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!--But it is +the _ton_; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam. + +Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu! + +IN CONTINUATION + +My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you." + +"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint." + +This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, _I have no cause of complaint_. + +Your's most sincerely, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IX. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My Dearest Child, + +The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia--prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles. + +Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may--it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age. + +You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to _your_ amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with _éclat_, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed--I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured--with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age--or even +then, without a bequest--would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security. + +In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years--though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation." + +Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind. + +Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover--but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning--then winged her flight to +heaven--leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men. + +I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility--of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me--as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste--at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts. + +I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her--wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice." + +Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight--as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted. + +In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me--none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it. + +When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little _billet_, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,--"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books--the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions. + +In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression--_the activity of my disposition_; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend. + +A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted--she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.--But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit--it is time to leave you." + +I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.--I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness--I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself." + +"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor." + +"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.--Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;--but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different--I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.--Now, I was poor and in prison:--then, I listened only to my +passions--now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;--my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.--I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.--Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?--How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.--I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.--These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open _this_ till he has +crossed the seas." + +There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +_that_ I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow: + +"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,--at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it." + +Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words: + +"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.--I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations. + +I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;--but how shall I bid you adieu!" + +The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land--and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.--I was too affected to utter a +word;--her soul had more heroic greatness.--"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England." + +I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;--but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable." + +"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?" + +"I do not think it," she answered;--"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own." + +We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart--_that_ alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.--It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women. + +For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.--However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter. + +Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.--Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.--I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.--A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.--He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;--they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;--there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?--My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account. + +A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.--Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.--Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.--Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone. + +In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.--"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me." + +"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I: + + "But when will spring visit the mouldering urn? + Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?" + +"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,--"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?" + +A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame. + +A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."--"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.--I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;--what was my agitation, when I read these words! + +"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!" + +The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria! + +"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,--Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.--Audible sobs +burst from her bosom--I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.--I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,--"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."--She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,--"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.--I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,--and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man." + +"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.--A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection." + +I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:--hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper--a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth. + +The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army. + +While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?" + +"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you--so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same--and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake." + +I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not--if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you--if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you." + +"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me." + +"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service." + +"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing--"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death." + +"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu! + +I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat. + +Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness. + +When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures--and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty. + +I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me. + +Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve. + +I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness. + +About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern. + +Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend." + +I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company. + +One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph: + +"_Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq._ + +_By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin._" + +This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity--especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition--which +accordingly we did. + +I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful. + +Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father--and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so--otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?" + +"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will." + +"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.--But what say the writings?" + +"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity." + +"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for." + +This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years. + +Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.--Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +_that_, + + --Seeks thee still in many a former scene; + Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes, + Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense + Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone, + Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd + In all her smiles, without forbidding pride." + +Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms! + +The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred. + +As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert. + +Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world! + +Thy tender and affectionate father, + +E. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER X. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done. + +The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply--to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find. + +The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home--telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind--as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the _ton_. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready--you know you are to be at the opera--" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, _The rest of the world does so_: that's +quite enough. + +But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;--in the rest, _he_ must be my guide. + +My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear. + +I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.--Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance. + +With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest _ton_, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory. + +Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,--"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?--They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends. + +By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.--Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.--She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;--the heart is not +consulted;--or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,--judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your _Cicisbeo_ to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public." + +"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me." + +"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment." + +"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer." + +"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.--I might some time hence want a +_confidante_, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion." + +I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,--and +that my sentiments would not alter." + +"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.--As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.--Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see--add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you--you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:--it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety." + +"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.--I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.--Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes. + +As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the _beau monde_, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet--for ever proposing this or the other +scheme--which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure--but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life. + +Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my _Cicisbeo_--that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair--handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him. + +Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices. + +That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)--you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord--what's his odious name?--why is he to be your _escorte_? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in! + +I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place, + + "Clowns as well can act the rake, + As those in higher sphere." + +Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in _our_ family would have given her some weight +in _your's_, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year. + +Would to heaven you were here!--I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;--but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation. + +I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, _I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible_. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it! + +Dearest Julia, adieu! + +Believe me your faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?--No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."--As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.--I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off. + +"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name." + +"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?" + +"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?" + +"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.--I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it." + +"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?" + +"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling--"to an +husband." + +"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?" + +"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,--Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?" + +"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?--This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance." + +I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose." + +I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company." + +The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood. + + * * * * * + +Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard. + +I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.--Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own _there_ I am +in some degree piqued. But, if _he_ is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,--an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do. + +As to the Å“conomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.--However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's. + +I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere. + +I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!--A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these _tendres_ from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. _Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder_, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;--fashion not +making it decent to appear together. + +These _etiquettes_, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to. + +"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!--It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.--Absence seems to increase my affection.--One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIII. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex--which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine. + +Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;--and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.--If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.--Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,--and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so." + +Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it. + +If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.--She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.--The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her _vis à vis_ that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the _ton_ to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.--I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions. + +Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.--"There is Sir William," said I.--"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here." + +"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.--The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages. + +A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here." + +"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken--though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.--Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him." + +"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men--and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?" + +"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her _Caro Sposo_ was seen with a favourite Sultana?" + +"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that--_tout la mode de +François_. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?" + +"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self." + +"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too." + +"I do when I can," I answered.--Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me." + +"Most chearfully," said she;--"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?" + +Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D--'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented. + +I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia--with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness--he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +_honour_ and _obey_ my husband, so will I strive to _love_ him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice--to say he was the first man I almost ever saw--and +to plead my youth and inexperience--oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part. + + "For man the lawless libertine may rove." + +But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful--and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it--I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance. + +"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P--, with his round +unthinking face--how assiduous he was to Miss W----, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +_rouge_ than almost any woman of quality--extolling her _forest of +hair_, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box--and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L----, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer--perhaps been burnt to +death--had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the _capitol_. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen--The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties." + +"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies." + +The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me. + +I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage--in short, nothing which +Monsieur _Corross_ could not remedy in a few hours. + +My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered. + +"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.--My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite _en +dishabille_, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed--"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed." + +"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"--cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."--"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh--but added, in a more +serious tone--"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will _be blind, insensible and blind_." + +"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know--that I +was at the opera--and with a lady too.--Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident--but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine." + +"I will in all my best obey you," said I.--"Then go to bed," said +he--"_To bed, my love, and I will follow thee_." + +You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.--Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.--Yes, Louisa--was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses--but for the softer sentiments of the soul--that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin--of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me--yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point. + +Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.--Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree--No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming--men swearing--altogether--I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.--No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits--you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm--and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth--and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door--and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found--or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us. + +As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying--I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!" + +"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses--you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found--ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them--or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room--and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely--I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?" + +"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour." + +"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look--He seemed to correct himself.--Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances. + +The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside. + +Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic--a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms--at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."--Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending--yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I _did_ experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger. + +I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence--"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening. + +Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one-- + + "Is every thing by starts, and nothing long." + +A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.--You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband--I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,--'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;--it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.--You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world--at least so it appears to me--is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?--Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in _the busy haunts of men_, +hazarded the privation of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever_. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!--But how much more should _you_ keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;--you respect his silence;--you pity his sufferings.--Reprobate +respect!--abjure pity!--they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen. + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XVI. + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;--yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,--remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson--why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.--Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;--I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,--a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;--all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.---- + +THE LETTER. + +"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself. + +My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works. + +I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.--It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;--nay, should possibly--enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel--such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance--unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.--But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;--to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;--to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;--to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity. + +I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aërial beings;--as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;--I have +hinted, I knew you well;--when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains. + +Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;--what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.--Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.--I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle. + +I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my _mind's eye_ I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;--press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced--nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's. + +I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;--and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart--the criterion, by which I would have you +judge--ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the _confidant_ of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit--The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays + +Your SYLPH." + +Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate--on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!--And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XIX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded--I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side. + +Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford--Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +_effronterie_ to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's _amours_. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man? + +Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have--but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents--when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of _Lucy +Gardener_, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree--yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but _femaleism_ prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down: + +"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours _tête à tête_ with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,--to be slighted thus by +you.--Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach + +LUCY GARDENER." + +The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious _morçeau_; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's _valet_, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the _billet,_ as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?--No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time--since this might in the end be destructive. + +The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas--and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation. + +About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,--which however in this licentious town can never take +place--may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards. + +If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation--the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray--even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;--it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage. + +To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts--their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards--which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play--and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune--and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her. + +The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D--, now +deserted her--in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time--as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole--or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them--and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband--and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation--since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her--and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for--he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect--and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt--"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost _sang-froid_--"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?--I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,--"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.--"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.--"Consider the +hours we have been _tête à tête_ together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.--Come, Madam, it grows late.--In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.--What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;--they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?--Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void--otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape." + +"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release--Do not then, do not with-hold my right." + +"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L. + +How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep--sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings--to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;--but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime--as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D--, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."--Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep--to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.--You may +suppose what followed.--In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it. + +To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles. + +Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it! + +Your faithful SYLPH." + +Lady STANLEY in Continuation + +Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other. + +Even my protector--he who has sworn before God and man;--but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial _tête à tête_, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties. + +Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy. + +"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.--"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."--"No, no, +you can be of no use to me--though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."--"I the cause!--for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement." + +"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to _her_ face, _a cursed infatuation_!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was--I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.--"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face--"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;--I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.--Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of." + +"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +_derangement_ of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."--During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.--With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,--in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."--"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."--"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."--"Reflect! Oh, that is so _outré_! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D--r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection." + +"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!" + +"Well said, my little _monitress_! why you are quite an _orator_ too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be _just_ at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. _Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away_, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy. + +The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,--never could experience that genuine sentimental passion, + + "Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone + To bless the dearer object of its soul." + +No, his passions are turbulent--the madness of the moment--eager to +please himself--regardless of the satisfaction of the object.--And yet I +thought he loved--I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:--he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was _my_ wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as _he_ is, or as _I_ am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."--While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,--"It is in vain--I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the _commerce-table_, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.--I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."--We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;--there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.--Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine _pigeon_ by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious _morçeau_ by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.--Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are _derangé_, as well as mine.--But, _courage, mi Lor_, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.--I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present. + +Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my _boring_ you with these trifles;--for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the _trifle_ that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +_soft deity, that_ is the _greatest_ trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all. + +I am your's most cordially, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XXIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the _polite_ world--_Black-legs_. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.--Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear--more dear +than ever--parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am _his_ wife,--and, what is more, _your_ sister. Would +you believe it? he--Sir William I mean--is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,--and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and _that_, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him. + +Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;--but he +has taught me sufficient of evil--thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind _Sylph_, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:--What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia. + + + + +LETTER XXIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner. + +TO THE SYLPH + +"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing _it_ more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand." + +I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken. + +And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;--my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,--not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +_per Cent_. Am I wrong in styling them _infernal_? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call _Witches_, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth. + +_These_ now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed. + +I go very little from home--In truth, I have no creature to go with.--I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because _fairest_, but _best_. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?--Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall _be delivered from +evil_? + +Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?--for too surely, _that_ was +appearance--_this_ reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while _we_ listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now--But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel--who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme. + +But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William _to +himself_; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel--yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.--Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately--Miss Finch, I should say--has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady--for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by _accident_--and always to have some _prior_ +engagement when they proposed meeting by _design_. + +Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.--But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. _She_ must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless. + + + + +LETTER XXV. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its _only_ reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.--And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while _they_ are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before--how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of _virtue_; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find _her_ "in her own form--how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself. + +Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man--than the Rosicrusian philosopher.--But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it--we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more _tremblingly +alive_ than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being--and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile--yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you. + +I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities. + +When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you! + +Your careful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXVI. + + +To THE SYLPH. + +It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults--for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you. + +Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion--or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour--and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits--and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven. + +I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but _none_ +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even _his_ irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment--and abide most chearfully +by your decision. + +Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides--nor ever casts one look behind. + + * * * * * + +The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +VOLUME II + + + + +LETTER XXVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of--my Sylph, my guardian angel! + +In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the _idea_ +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of _humanity_ he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The _design_ I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you. + + * * * * * + +I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning--she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day." + +"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female _tête-à -tête_." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one. + +As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him--I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly--"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure--let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry--but without any notion of its being an union for +life--only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals--oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible. + +"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these _modern_ husbands? I fear +me, I should become a _modern_ wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him." + +"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?" + +"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be." + +"Do I know the happy man?" + +"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too." + +"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?" + +"Lord Biddulph!--No, indeed!--not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though _he_ has a title, but not an English one." + +To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined--"So then, +I may wish the _Baron_ joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech. + +"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity." + +"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now--pray proceed." + +"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?" + +"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind." + +"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude--oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes--my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words--and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an _adroit_ fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself. + +"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my _vis-à -vis_.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?--What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be _just_ to yourself, and _generously indulgent_ +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time--we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon--I am too +serious--tho' my _tête-à -têtes_ with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that _I_ +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of _peeping behind the curtain_, and having the +whole _drama_ before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament--without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.' + +'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam--we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.' + +"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children. + +'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the _happy_ hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted _that_ neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what _fort_ can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like _Pamela Andrews_; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B--, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +_so_, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that _change_; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the _red-coats_. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as _I_ am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain: + +'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least _regard_. I fear, I have +forfeited _that_ of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and _hoped_ there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one--our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw--she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided. + +'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too _dishonourable_ a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.' + +"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one." + +We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave. + +Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. _I_ might then have been the envied _confidante_ of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that _I_, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen--Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought--I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so _improper_ an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts. + +Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + + + +LETTER XXVIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, _To Gratitude_, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S. + +Adieu! + +JULIA. + + + + +LETTER XXIX. + + +From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY. + +Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal! + +None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +_know_ and _see_ you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXX. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one _other_ is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that _repose_, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that _other_ too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had _he_ known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no _one_ to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me. + +I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +_it_, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My dearest Sister, + +It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in _no other_ can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that _he_ has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +_perfidy_ occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, _you_ could have no _hope_ to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of _disappointment_ and _despair_; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his _confidante_. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be _greater_ likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XXXII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that _vice_ need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation. + +I am ever your obliged, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +_confide_, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, _you_ had better be the _leader_ than the _led_; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is. + +I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see _you_; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXXIV. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else. + +That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly _outré_, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction? + +Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +_Tavistock-street_; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its _goût_; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was _tête-à -tête_ with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph." + +"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a _man_, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal _devoir_ to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me." + +"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?" + +"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified." + +"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman." + +"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor _cast one longing +lingering look behind?_" + +"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!" + +"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?" + +"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went." + +"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?" + +I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose." + +"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a _penchant_ for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?" + +I sighed--"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?" + +"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, _the heart of man is deceitful above all things_. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as _that_ may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long _tête-à -tête_ +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present--see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose--I did the same--he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me? + +The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a _tour_ of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph. + +"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure." + +"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence. + +He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff. + +I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation. + +"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own." + +By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:--she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?" + +"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please." + +"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me? + +Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more _welcome_ under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate. + +About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!" + +"I have had something more than _fatigue_ to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised." + +"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house." + +"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house." + +"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him. + +Sir William seemed extremely _chagrined_; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape. + +But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too--yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal--But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXVI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed. + +"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits." + +"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if _you_ would withhold the +murderous knife." + +"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast. + +Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXVII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +_éclat_? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care! + +Adieu! + + + + +LETTER XXXVIII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands--but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as _I_ am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone. + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIX. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning _his_ name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents--"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom." + +"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"--I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair. + +"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer. + + "Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore, + And image charms I must behold no more." + +I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!" + +"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him--for ever! + +I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XL. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the _Morning Post_. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that _Hydra_ of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.--But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like _Calista_ of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to _play_ and to _lose_ is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +_remonstrances_ I have made, and the _dissuasives_ I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly? + +It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +_agreeable_ meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes." + +"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three." + +"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play. + +There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack: + +Remember thy old friend, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me. + +The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D--'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my _chaperon_." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose." + +"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present." + +Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can." + +"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?" + +"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;--"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits." + +"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe." + +"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you." + +"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit." + +I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a _tendre_ for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows! + +Your's, most affectionately, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLII. + + +TO Lord BIDDULPH. + +For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again. + +You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair. + +Adieu! + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XLIII. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY. + +Sir, + +I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law. + +I remain, Sir, + +Your humble servant, + +GEORGE BRUDENEL. + + + + +LETTER XLIV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, _how hard is my fate_! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster. + +Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly--No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into." + +"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it." + +"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence." + +"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever." + +"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice. + +"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil." + +"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money." + +"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels." + +"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt--"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste." + +"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you." + +"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever." + +"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +_confidante_ of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent _my_ knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!" + +"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman." + +I obeyed, leaving my husband with this _gentleman_, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated! + + * * * * * + +That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLV. + + +TO Col. MONTAGUE. + +I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +_derangé_, and that he had practised an unsuccessful _manÅ“uvre_ on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve. + +In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me." + +"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young _Cub_ in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time." + +"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable." + +"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D-- the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves. + +When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure." + +"The remedy is worse than the disease." + +"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go. + +"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?" + +"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to." + +"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?" + +"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?" + +"Yes; my life." + +"What, at Tyburn?" + +"Dam--n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect--the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not _that_ suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?" + +"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned." + +"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir." + +You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it! + +"Gods! what a thought is there!" + +Adieu! + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVI. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)--Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage." + +"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman. + +"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William." + +"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting. + +"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you." + +I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!" + +"They won't hurt you; I want you here." + +"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them." + +I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune. + +Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him." + +"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?" + +"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you." + +"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it." + +"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will." + +"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up--"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your _insults_ with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?" + +"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money." + +"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house." + +"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service." + +"Would to heaven you had done so long--long before I had seen you!" + +"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!" + +"Power! alas! what power have I?" + +"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not--do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?" + +"By no means." + +"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable." + +"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house." + +"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery." + +"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony. + +"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him." + +"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation. + +"What would _you_ do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand. + +"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?" + +"You have the means in your power." + +"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more--much more than I can bear." + +"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?" + +"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!" + +"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment--I act but by his +consent." + +"By his consent!" + +"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a _forgery_, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart." + +Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!--"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand, + +WILLIAM STANLEY." + +Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life." + +"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!" + +"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband." + +"What, should I barter my soul to save _one_ so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!" + +"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William." + +Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence--for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition--eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate--my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William--that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless--Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you." + +"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny." + +"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers." + +"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare--I insist, Sir--leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon--"Forgive me!--Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!" + +"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly. + +"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful." + +"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?" + +"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns." + +"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?" + +"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought." + +"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines--but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever, + +MARIA FINCH." + +I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to--oh! what shall I call him?--the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus: + +"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife, + +JULIA STANLEY." + +Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort! + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLVII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Well, Jack, we are all _entrain_. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose--but I love +to have my adorables meet me--_almost_ half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours. + +I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder? + + * * * * * + +Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction. + +My mind is a hell--I cannot reflect--I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience. + + * * * * * + +In what a different style I began this letter--with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on _me_, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt. + +I am your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Dear Madam, + +A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship. + +We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her. + +Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble. + +Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant, + +MARIA FINCH. + + + + +LETTER XLIX. + + +From the SYLPH. + +The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over. + +In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence. + +There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, _to be good is to be happy;_ but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu! + +Ever your faithful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER L. + + +TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL. + +Woodley-vale. + +My dear Sir George, + +It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand--"Don't leave us--I will be more myself--Don't +leave us, my second father!--Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece. + +Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!--I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, _nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!_ + +I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too--indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being _her_ sister. And my +little _Finch_ is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you. + +Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that _time_ to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +_friend_ from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever!_ + +EDWARD STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LI. + + +To Miss FINCH. + +You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +_rencontre_ with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +_confidante_ of a _penchant_ for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife _unhackneyed in the ways +of the world_. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers. + +And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an _old fool_." + +He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, _I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray_? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may _my_ trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +_his!_ + +My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + * * * * * + +[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.--While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.] + + + + +LETTER LII. + +TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey, + +This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that _she_ has not been _one day_ out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant. + +I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals--well, time will shew--in the mean time, +adieu! + +Your's, most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter. + +At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne--"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his _devoir_ to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me--"Harry Woodley!" I repeated. + +"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +_my_ father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection--an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he _was_ the _first_, but _now_ is _second_ in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness. + +I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles." + + * * * * * + +He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last--he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world. + +Adieu! + +Your's most truly, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Melford-Abbey. + +Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the _confidante_ of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth. + +You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love--and _love_ of the purest, noblest kind. + +He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken--he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was--that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy--and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum? + +He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear? + +I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me--a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, _a burnt child dreads the fire._ These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us--his extreme tenderness--the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers! + +Adieu! I am dressed _en cavalier_, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a _tête-à -tête_ with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But _here_--he is in the way. + +Your's, + +L. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is--it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love--of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not--write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of _love_ has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more! + +I remember the ill-fated youth--ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear--was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme? + +Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering--indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit--have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me--he may of +_Destiny_; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of _her!_ + + * * * * * + +I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men? + +Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!--he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say--_see him_. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon--but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can. + +Adieu! + +Your's most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LVII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can _love_ +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!--for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!--she, who was once +all tenderness--all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, _and +felt for weakness which she never knew_-- + + "It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly; + Our _sex_, as well as I, may chide you for it, + Though I alone do feel the injury--" + +you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!--all its +anxieties!--Oh, Louisa! can you forget my _confidence_ in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, _my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power_. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my _inexorableness_, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me! + +How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a _stranger_! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of _your +favourite_ to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive? + +But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done. + +My good uncle is better.--You have wrung my heart--and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further _forbearance._ + +My resolution is fixed--no matter what that is--there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot--you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!--of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?--I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival. + +Adieu! + +Your's for ever, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +Stanley-park. + +Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me. + +You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.] + +I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words: + +"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings." + +I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"--But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, _Ton-hausen!_ I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent--"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?" + +"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner. + +"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?" + +"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence." + +"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural." + +"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!" + +"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?" + +"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion." + +"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +_confidant_ of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?" + +"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced." + +"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you." + +"No, you was not." + +"Not married, before I was seen by you?" + +"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you--loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?" + +"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!" + +"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here." + +"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?" + +"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father." + +"My father! Is my father here?" + +"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly. + +"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see." + +"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?" + +"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same." + +"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor _Ton-hausen_?" + +"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known." + +By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?" + +"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him." + +"Call me _your's_," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. _Your_ sister, and soon, I hope, _mine_, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, _grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength_. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer--not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution--nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). _He_ it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a _presentiment_, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our _passions_ before _reason_ could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +_That_ I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these _pious frauds_; and to reassure her she shall, if _the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things_, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley." + +"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future. + +I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe. + +Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow. + +Adieu! + +I am your's ever + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me. + +I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present. + +I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon. + +Pray how do you go on? Are you near your _accouchement_? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet. + +Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of _poetical justice_. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,--for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +_all's well that ends well_. As to your Proteus, with all his _aliases_, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom! + +What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. _Tell it not in Gath_. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +_beau monde._ + +Adieu! + +MARIA BRUDENEL. + + +FINIS. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + +***** This file should be named 38525-0.txt or 38525-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/5/2/38525/ + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Sylph, Volume I and II + +Author: Georgiana Cavendish + +Release Date: January 8, 2012 [EBook #38525] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + + + + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + + + + +THE SYLPH + +BY + +GEORGIANA + +DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE + + + "Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear, + Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear! + Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd + By laws eternal to th'aërial kind: + Some in the fields of purest æther play, + And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day; + Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high, + Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky: + Our humbler province is to tend the Fair, + Not a less pleasing, _nor_ less glorious care." + + POPE's Rape of the Lock. + + + + +Table of Contents + + + VOLUME I VOLUME II + + LETTER I LETTER XXVII LETTER LIII + LETTER II LETTER XXVIII LETTER LIV + LETTER III LETTER XXIX LETTER LV + LETTER IV LETTER XXX LETTER LVI + LETTER V LETTER XXXI LETTER LVII + LETTER VI LETTER XXXII LETTER LVIII + LETTER VII LETTER XXXIII LETTER LIX + LETTER VIII LETTER XXXIV LETTER LX + LETTER IX LETTER XXXV LETTER LXI + LETTER X LETTER XXXVI + LETTER XI LETTER XXXVII + LETTER XII LETTER XXXVIII + LETTER XIII LETTER XXXIX + LETTER XIV LETTER XL + LETTER XV LETTER XLI + LETTER XVI LETTER XLII + LETTER XVII LETTER XLIII + LETTER XVIII LETTER XLIV + LETTER XIX LETTER XLV + LETTER XX LETTER XLVI + LETTER XX LETTER XLVII + LETTER XXII LETTER XLVIII + LETTER XXIII LETTER XLIX + LETTER XXIV LETTER L + LETTER XXV LETTER LI + LETTER XXVI LETTER LII + + + + +VOLUME I + + + + +LETTER I. + + +TO LORD BIDDULPH. + +It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have _nothing_, to +get _something_; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced. + +What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled! + +But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate--I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."--But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.--Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin. + +I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, _I am married_, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +_begin with the first_. + +I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G----. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my _conge_ and departed. +On my journey--as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement--I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a _sentimental traveller_ pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the _cloud-capt_ mountains one morning--a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend--from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +_our_ world.--I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +_like Patience on a monument_, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could--hoping better fortune by and bye. + +In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations. + +After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs. + +One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood." + +"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me. + +As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate. + +"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry." + +"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!" + +"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture." + +"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on _my_ +daughter." + +"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest." + +"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form." + +"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against _simple fornication_. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."--I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my _innocence of actual seduction_, and such stuff--) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present. + +When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly--It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that _bore_ +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the _arms_ of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids--yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate. + +I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +_for better, for worse;_ yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +_badinage_, and sometimes something more, with a married woman--I would +much rather that my wife, like Cæsar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class--and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."--And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive? + +However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a _je ne sçai quoi_, +a _tout ensemble_, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley. + +Shall I whisper you a secret--but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon--I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn--Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me--having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry--and then it is too late: the die is +cast. + +I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant--and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither--though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me, + +Your lordship's devoted, + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER II. + + +TO THE SAME. + +What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for _sin and +sea-coal_ in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine; + + "And days of peace do still succeed + To nights of calm repose." + +How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband! + + "And when I am weary of wandering all day, + To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come." + +I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;--besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,--and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father. + +One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.--In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,--and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity. + +It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.--I was extremely desirous of practising a few manoeuvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;--but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;--if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,--remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next." + +I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.--Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.--I am sick to death of the constant _routine_ of circumstances +here--_the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever_. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with. + +I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +_rib_.--She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive. + +Sylph is fixed on.--Our _suite_ will be a Welsh _fille de chambre_, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;--as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our _beaux d'esprits_ of the +motley tribe.--I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.--I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.--I was going to say +services,--but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's? + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER III. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.--I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;--they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced--and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.--I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.--And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure. + +As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.--This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.--I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;--and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;--but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come. + +I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!--Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the _etiquettes_ of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,--and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;--one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.--I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,--and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much. + +Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice. + +I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses. + +Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange. + +I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife--in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea. + +It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place. + +My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IV. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Dear JACK, + +I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word _animated +nature_. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms. + +Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me. + +I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +_devoirs_ of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women. + +Whom do you think he has introduced as _chaperons_ to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER V. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you. + +My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself! + +I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu! + +LOUISA GRENVILLE + + + + +LETTER VI. + + +To JAMES SPENCER, Esq. + +It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence. + +You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me. + +Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found. + +I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you. + +All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;--a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,--and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,--with that it grew, and with that only will expire. + + "My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began + The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man; + + My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age, + No other vows shall e'er my heart engage." + +Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.--Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;--she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.--Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me. + +Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her--I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same--the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door--oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours--at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family--and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me. + +You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say _small +satisfaction_? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen. + +I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour--a studied civility--an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous--frequent expressions of fearing to +offend--and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that _certainty_ she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish. + +I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your + +HENRY WOODLEY. + + + + +LETTER VII. + + +TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq. + +No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.--I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present. + +Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.--Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to _a man of fashion_. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is--without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life! + +The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;--he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play--attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the _ton_ in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.--Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,--and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.--She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!--but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.--For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.--Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,--and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude. + +I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.--When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful + +J. SPENCER. + + + + +LETTER VIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.--If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song. + +"What was our _shame_, is now our _pride_." + +I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.--I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,--it is _la cheveaux de la Regne_;--but the _colour +de puce_ is esteemed before it, and mixed with _d'Artois_, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the _Pont sang_ is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +_feuile mort_, or _la noysette_." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;--therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public. + +I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me--and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the _ton_." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,--and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace. + +Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +_au dernier gout_. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,--and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely _bore_ to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, _ah! quel +savage_! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air. + + * * * * * + +Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are _magnifique_, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?--Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.--I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.--"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the _tramontane_. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most _outré_ figure in the +_beau monde_. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a _fille de chambre_, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years. + +Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.--I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;--and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way. + +Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.--Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."--Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without--it positively is not +decent." + +"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair--how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your _nut-brown +maid!_" + +"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +_ma charmante!_" + +With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands--often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,--and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented _pomade de Venus._ At length the words, "_vous +êtes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"_ were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;--but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.--The _dresser of the actresses_ exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, _chignion, +toque, pomades_, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, _&c. &c. &c_. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D----, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +_dishabillé_? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's _ruelle_, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes." + +My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!--But it is +the _ton_; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam. + +Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu! + +IN CONTINUATION + +My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you." + +"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint." + +This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, _I have no cause of complaint_. + +Your's most sincerely, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IX. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My Dearest Child, + +The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia--prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles. + +Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may--it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age. + +You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to _your_ amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with _éclat_, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed--I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured--with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age--or even +then, without a bequest--would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security. + +In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years--though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation." + +Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind. + +Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover--but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning--then winged her flight to +heaven--leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men. + +I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility--of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me--as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste--at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts. + +I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her--wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice." + +Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight--as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted. + +In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me--none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it. + +When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little _billet_, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,--"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books--the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions. + +In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression--_the activity of my disposition_; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend. + +A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted--she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.--But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit--it is time to leave you." + +I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.--I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness--I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself." + +"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor." + +"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.--Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;--but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different--I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.--Now, I was poor and in prison:--then, I listened only to my +passions--now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;--my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.--I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.--Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?--How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.--I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.--These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open _this_ till he has +crossed the seas." + +There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +_that_ I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow: + +"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,--at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it." + +Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words: + +"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.--I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations. + +I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;--but how shall I bid you adieu!" + +The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land--and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.--I was too affected to utter a +word;--her soul had more heroic greatness.--"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England." + +I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;--but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable." + +"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?" + +"I do not think it," she answered;--"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own." + +We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart--_that_ alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.--It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women. + +For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.--However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter. + +Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.--Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.--I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.--A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.--He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;--they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;--there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?--My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account. + +A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.--Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.--Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.--Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone. + +In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.--"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me." + +"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I: + + "But when will spring visit the mouldering urn? + Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?" + +"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,--"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?" + +A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame. + +A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."--"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.--I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;--what was my agitation, when I read these words! + +"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!" + +The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria! + +"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,--Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.--Audible sobs +burst from her bosom--I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.--I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,--"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."--She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,--"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.--I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,--and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man." + +"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.--A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection." + +I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:--hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper--a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth. + +The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army. + +While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?" + +"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you--so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same--and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake." + +I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not--if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you--if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you." + +"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me." + +"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service." + +"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing--"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death." + +"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu! + +I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat. + +Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness. + +When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures--and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty. + +I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me. + +Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve. + +I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness. + +About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern. + +Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend." + +I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company. + +One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph: + +"_Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq._ + +_By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin._" + +This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity--especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition--which +accordingly we did. + +I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful. + +Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father--and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so--otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?" + +"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will." + +"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.--But what say the writings?" + +"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity." + +"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for." + +This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years. + +Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.--Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +_that_, + + --Seeks thee still in many a former scene; + Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes, + Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense + Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone, + Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd + In all her smiles, without forbidding pride." + +Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms! + +The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred. + +As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert. + +Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world! + +Thy tender and affectionate father, + +E. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER X. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done. + +The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply--to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find. + +The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home--telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind--as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the _ton_. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready--you know you are to be at the opera--" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, _The rest of the world does so_: that's +quite enough. + +But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;--in the rest, _he_ must be my guide. + +My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear. + +I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.--Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance. + +With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest _ton_, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory. + +Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,--"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?--They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends. + +By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.--Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.--She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;--the heart is not +consulted;--or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,--judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your _Cicisbeo_ to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public." + +"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me." + +"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment." + +"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer." + +"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.--I might some time hence want a +_confidante_, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion." + +I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,--and +that my sentiments would not alter." + +"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.--As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.--Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see--add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you--you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:--it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety." + +"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.--I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.--Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes. + +As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the _beau monde_, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet--for ever proposing this or the other +scheme--which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure--but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life. + +Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my _Cicisbeo_--that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair--handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him. + +Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices. + +That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)--you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord--what's his odious name?--why is he to be your _escorte_? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in! + +I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place, + + "Clowns as well can act the rake, + As those in higher sphere." + +Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in _our_ family would have given her some weight +in _your's_, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year. + +Would to heaven you were here!--I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;--but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation. + +I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, _I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible_. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it! + +Dearest Julia, adieu! + +Believe me your faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?--No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."--As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.--I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off. + +"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name." + +"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?" + +"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?" + +"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.--I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it." + +"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?" + +"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling--"to an +husband." + +"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?" + +"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,--Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?" + +"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?--This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance." + +I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose." + +I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company." + +The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood. + + * * * * * + +Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard. + +I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.--Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own _there_ I am +in some degree piqued. But, if _he_ is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,--an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do. + +As to the oeconomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.--However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's. + +I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere. + +I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!--A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these _tendres_ from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. _Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder_, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;--fashion not +making it decent to appear together. + +These _etiquettes_, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to. + +"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!--It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.--Absence seems to increase my affection.--One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIII. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex--which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine. + +Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;--and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.--If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.--Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,--and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so." + +Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it. + +If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.--She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.--The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her _vis à vis_ that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the _ton_ to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.--I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions. + +Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.--"There is Sir William," said I.--"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here." + +"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.--The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages. + +A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here." + +"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken--though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.--Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him." + +"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men--and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?" + +"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her _Caro Sposo_ was seen with a favourite Sultana?" + +"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that--_tout la mode de +François_. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?" + +"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self." + +"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too." + +"I do when I can," I answered.--Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me." + +"Most chearfully," said she;--"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?" + +Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D--'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented. + +I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia--with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness--he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +_honour_ and _obey_ my husband, so will I strive to _love_ him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice--to say he was the first man I almost ever saw--and +to plead my youth and inexperience--oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part. + + "For man the lawless libertine may rove." + +But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful--and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it--I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance. + +"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P--, with his round +unthinking face--how assiduous he was to Miss W----, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +_rouge_ than almost any woman of quality--extolling her _forest of +hair_, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box--and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L----, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer--perhaps been burnt to +death--had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the _capitol_. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen--The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties." + +"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies." + +The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me. + +I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage--in short, nothing which +Monsieur _Corross_ could not remedy in a few hours. + +My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered. + +"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.--My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite _en +dishabille_, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed--"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed." + +"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"--cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."--"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh--but added, in a more +serious tone--"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will _be blind, insensible and blind_." + +"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know--that I +was at the opera--and with a lady too.--Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident--but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine." + +"I will in all my best obey you," said I.--"Then go to bed," said +he--"_To bed, my love, and I will follow thee_." + +You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.--Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.--Yes, Louisa--was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses--but for the softer sentiments of the soul--that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin--of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me--yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point. + +Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.--Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree--No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming--men swearing--altogether--I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.--No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits--you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm--and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth--and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door--and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found--or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us. + +As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying--I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!" + +"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses--you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found--ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them--or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room--and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely--I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?" + +"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour." + +"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look--He seemed to correct himself.--Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances. + +The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside. + +Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic--a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms--at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."--Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending--yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I _did_ experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger. + +I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence--"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening. + +Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one-- + + "Is every thing by starts, and nothing long." + +A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.--You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband--I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,--'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;--it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.--You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world--at least so it appears to me--is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?--Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in _the busy haunts of men_, +hazarded the privation of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever_. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!--But how much more should _you_ keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;--you respect his silence;--you pity his sufferings.--Reprobate +respect!--abjure pity!--they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen. + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XVI. + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;--yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,--remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson--why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.--Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;--I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,--a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;--all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.---- + +THE LETTER. + +"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself. + +My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works. + +I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.--It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;--nay, should possibly--enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel--such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance--unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.--But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;--to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;--to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;--to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity. + +I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aërial beings;--as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;--I have +hinted, I knew you well;--when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains. + +Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;--what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.--Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.--I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle. + +I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my _mind's eye_ I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;--press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced--nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's. + +I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;--and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart--the criterion, by which I would have you +judge--ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the _confidant_ of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit--The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays + +Your SYLPH." + +Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate--on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!--And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XIX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded--I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side. + +Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford--Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +_effronterie_ to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's _amours_. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man? + +Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have--but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents--when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of _Lucy +Gardener_, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree--yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but _femaleism_ prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down: + +"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours _tête à tête_ with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,--to be slighted thus by +you.--Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach + +LUCY GARDENER." + +The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious _morçeau_; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's _valet_, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the _billet,_ as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?--No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time--since this might in the end be destructive. + +The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas--and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation. + +About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,--which however in this licentious town can never take +place--may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards. + +If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation--the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray--even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;--it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage. + +To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts--their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards--which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play--and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune--and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her. + +The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D--, now +deserted her--in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time--as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole--or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them--and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband--and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation--since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her--and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for--he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect--and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt--"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost _sang-froid_--"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?--I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,--"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.--"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.--"Consider the +hours we have been _tête à tête_ together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.--Come, Madam, it grows late.--In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.--What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;--they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?--Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void--otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape." + +"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release--Do not then, do not with-hold my right." + +"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L. + +How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep--sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings--to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;--but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime--as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D--, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."--Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep--to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.--You may +suppose what followed.--In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it. + +To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles. + +Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it! + +Your faithful SYLPH." + +Lady STANLEY in Continuation + +Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other. + +Even my protector--he who has sworn before God and man;--but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial _tête à tête_, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties. + +Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy. + +"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.--"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."--"No, no, +you can be of no use to me--though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."--"I the cause!--for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement." + +"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to _her_ face, _a cursed infatuation_!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was--I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.--"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face--"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;--I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.--Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of." + +"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +_derangement_ of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."--During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.--With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,--in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."--"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."--"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."--"Reflect! Oh, that is so _outré_! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D--r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection." + +"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!" + +"Well said, my little _monitress_! why you are quite an _orator_ too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be _just_ at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. _Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away_, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy. + +The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,--never could experience that genuine sentimental passion, + + "Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone + To bless the dearer object of its soul." + +No, his passions are turbulent--the madness of the moment--eager to +please himself--regardless of the satisfaction of the object.--And yet I +thought he loved--I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:--he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was _my_ wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as _he_ is, or as _I_ am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."--While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,--"It is in vain--I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the _commerce-table_, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.--I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."--We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;--there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.--Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine _pigeon_ by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious _morçeau_ by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.--Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are _derangé_, as well as mine.--But, _courage, mi Lor_, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.--I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present. + +Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my _boring_ you with these trifles;--for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the _trifle_ that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +_soft deity, that_ is the _greatest_ trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all. + +I am your's most cordially, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XXIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the _polite_ world--_Black-legs_. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.--Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear--more dear +than ever--parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am _his_ wife,--and, what is more, _your_ sister. Would +you believe it? he--Sir William I mean--is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,--and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and _that_, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him. + +Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;--but he +has taught me sufficient of evil--thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind _Sylph_, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:--What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia. + + + + +LETTER XXIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner. + +TO THE SYLPH + +"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing _it_ more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand." + +I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken. + +And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;--my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,--not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +_per Cent_. Am I wrong in styling them _infernal_? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call _Witches_, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth. + +_These_ now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed. + +I go very little from home--In truth, I have no creature to go with.--I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because _fairest_, but _best_. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?--Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall _be delivered from +evil_? + +Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?--for too surely, _that_ was +appearance--_this_ reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while _we_ listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now--But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel--who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme. + +But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William _to +himself_; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel--yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.--Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately--Miss Finch, I should say--has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady--for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by _accident_--and always to have some _prior_ +engagement when they proposed meeting by _design_. + +Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.--But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. _She_ must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless. + + + + +LETTER XXV. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its _only_ reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.--And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while _they_ are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before--how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of _virtue_; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find _her_ "in her own form--how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself. + +Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man--than the Rosicrusian philosopher.--But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it--we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more _tremblingly +alive_ than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being--and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile--yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you. + +I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities. + +When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you! + +Your careful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXVI. + + +To THE SYLPH. + +It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults--for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you. + +Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion--or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour--and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits--and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven. + +I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but _none_ +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even _his_ irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment--and abide most chearfully +by your decision. + +Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides--nor ever casts one look behind. + + * * * * * + +The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +VOLUME II + + + + +LETTER XXVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of--my Sylph, my guardian angel! + +In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the _idea_ +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of _humanity_ he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The _design_ I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you. + + * * * * * + +I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning--she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day." + +"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female _tête-à-tête_." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one. + +As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him--I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly--"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure--let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry--but without any notion of its being an union for +life--only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals--oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible. + +"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these _modern_ husbands? I fear +me, I should become a _modern_ wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him." + +"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?" + +"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be." + +"Do I know the happy man?" + +"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too." + +"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?" + +"Lord Biddulph!--No, indeed!--not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though _he_ has a title, but not an English one." + +To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined--"So then, +I may wish the _Baron_ joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech. + +"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity." + +"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now--pray proceed." + +"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?" + +"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind." + +"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude--oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes--my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words--and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an _adroit_ fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself. + +"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my _vis-à-vis_.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?--What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be _just_ to yourself, and _generously indulgent_ +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time--we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon--I am too +serious--tho' my _tête-à-têtes_ with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that _I_ +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of _peeping behind the curtain_, and having the +whole _drama_ before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament--without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.' + +'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam--we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.' + +"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children. + +'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the _happy_ hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted _that_ neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what _fort_ can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like _Pamela Andrews_; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B--, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +_so_, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that _change_; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the _red-coats_. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as _I_ am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain: + +'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least _regard_. I fear, I have +forfeited _that_ of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and _hoped_ there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one--our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw--she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided. + +'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too _dishonourable_ a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.' + +"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one." + +We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave. + +Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. _I_ might then have been the envied _confidante_ of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that _I_, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen--Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought--I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so _improper_ an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts. + +Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + + + +LETTER XXVIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, _To Gratitude_, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S. + +Adieu! + +JULIA. + + + + +LETTER XXIX. + + +From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY. + +Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal! + +None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +_know_ and _see_ you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXX. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one _other_ is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that _repose_, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that _other_ too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had _he_ known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no _one_ to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me. + +I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +_it_, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My dearest Sister, + +It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in _no other_ can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that _he_ has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +_perfidy_ occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, _you_ could have no _hope_ to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of _disappointment_ and _despair_; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his _confidante_. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be _greater_ likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XXXII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that _vice_ need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation. + +I am ever your obliged, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +_confide_, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, _you_ had better be the _leader_ than the _led_; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is. + +I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see _you_; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXXIV. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else. + +That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly _outré_, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction? + +Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +_Tavistock-street_; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its _goût_; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was _tête-à-tête_ with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph." + +"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a _man_, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal _devoir_ to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me." + +"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?" + +"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified." + +"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman." + +"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor _cast one longing +lingering look behind?_" + +"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!" + +"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?" + +"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went." + +"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?" + +I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose." + +"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a _penchant_ for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?" + +I sighed--"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?" + +"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, _the heart of man is deceitful above all things_. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as _that_ may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long _tête-à-tête_ +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present--see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose--I did the same--he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me? + +The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a _tour_ of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph. + +"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure." + +"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence. + +He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff. + +I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation. + +"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own." + +By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:--she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?" + +"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please." + +"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me? + +Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more _welcome_ under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate. + +About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!" + +"I have had something more than _fatigue_ to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised." + +"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house." + +"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house." + +"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him. + +Sir William seemed extremely _chagrined_; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape. + +But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too--yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal--But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXVI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed. + +"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits." + +"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if _you_ would withhold the +murderous knife." + +"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast. + +Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXVII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +_éclat_? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care! + +Adieu! + + + + +LETTER XXXVIII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands--but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as _I_ am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone. + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIX. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning _his_ name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents--"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom." + +"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"--I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair. + +"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer. + + "Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore, + And image charms I must behold no more." + +I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!" + +"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him--for ever! + +I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XL. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the _Morning Post_. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that _Hydra_ of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.--But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like _Calista_ of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to _play_ and to _lose_ is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +_remonstrances_ I have made, and the _dissuasives_ I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly? + +It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +_agreeable_ meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes." + +"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three." + +"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play. + +There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack: + +Remember thy old friend, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me. + +The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D--'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my _chaperon_." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose." + +"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present." + +Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can." + +"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?" + +"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;--"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits." + +"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe." + +"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you." + +"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit." + +I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a _tendre_ for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows! + +Your's, most affectionately, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLII. + + +TO Lord BIDDULPH. + +For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again. + +You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair. + +Adieu! + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XLIII. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY. + +Sir, + +I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law. + +I remain, Sir, + +Your humble servant, + +GEORGE BRUDENEL. + + + + +LETTER XLIV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, _how hard is my fate_! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster. + +Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly--No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into." + +"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it." + +"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence." + +"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever." + +"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice. + +"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil." + +"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money." + +"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels." + +"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt--"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste." + +"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you." + +"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever." + +"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +_confidante_ of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent _my_ knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!" + +"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman." + +I obeyed, leaving my husband with this _gentleman_, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated! + + * * * * * + +That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLV. + + +TO Col. MONTAGUE. + +I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +_derangé_, and that he had practised an unsuccessful _manoeuvre_ on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve. + +In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me." + +"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young _Cub_ in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time." + +"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable." + +"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D-- the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves. + +When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure." + +"The remedy is worse than the disease." + +"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go. + +"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?" + +"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to." + +"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?" + +"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?" + +"Yes; my life." + +"What, at Tyburn?" + +"Dam--n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect--the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not _that_ suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?" + +"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned." + +"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir." + +You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it! + +"Gods! what a thought is there!" + +Adieu! + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVI. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)--Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage." + +"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman. + +"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William." + +"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting. + +"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you." + +I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!" + +"They won't hurt you; I want you here." + +"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them." + +I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune. + +Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him." + +"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?" + +"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you." + +"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it." + +"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will." + +"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up--"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your _insults_ with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?" + +"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money." + +"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house." + +"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service." + +"Would to heaven you had done so long--long before I had seen you!" + +"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!" + +"Power! alas! what power have I?" + +"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not--do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?" + +"By no means." + +"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable." + +"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house." + +"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery." + +"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony. + +"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him." + +"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation. + +"What would _you_ do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand. + +"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?" + +"You have the means in your power." + +"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more--much more than I can bear." + +"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?" + +"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!" + +"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment--I act but by his +consent." + +"By his consent!" + +"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a _forgery_, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart." + +Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!--"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand, + +WILLIAM STANLEY." + +Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life." + +"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!" + +"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband." + +"What, should I barter my soul to save _one_ so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!" + +"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William." + +Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence--for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition--eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate--my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William--that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless--Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you." + +"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny." + +"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers." + +"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare--I insist, Sir--leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon--"Forgive me!--Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!" + +"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly. + +"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful." + +"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?" + +"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns." + +"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?" + +"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought." + +"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines--but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever, + +MARIA FINCH." + +I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to--oh! what shall I call him?--the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus: + +"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife, + +JULIA STANLEY." + +Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort! + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLVII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Well, Jack, we are all _entrain_. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose--but I love +to have my adorables meet me--_almost_ half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours. + +I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder? + + * * * * * + +Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction. + +My mind is a hell--I cannot reflect--I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience. + + * * * * * + +In what a different style I began this letter--with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on _me_, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt. + +I am your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Dear Madam, + +A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship. + +We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her. + +Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble. + +Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant, + +MARIA FINCH. + + + + +LETTER XLIX. + + +From the SYLPH. + +The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over. + +In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence. + +There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, _to be good is to be happy;_ but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu! + +Ever your faithful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER L. + + +TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL. + +Woodley-vale. + +My dear Sir George, + +It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand--"Don't leave us--I will be more myself--Don't +leave us, my second father!--Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece. + +Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!--I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, _nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!_ + +I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too--indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being _her_ sister. And my +little _Finch_ is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you. + +Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that _time_ to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +_friend_ from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever!_ + +EDWARD STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LI. + + +To Miss FINCH. + +You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +_rencontre_ with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +_confidante_ of a _penchant_ for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife _unhackneyed in the ways +of the world_. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers. + +And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an _old fool_." + +He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, _I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray_? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may _my_ trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +_his!_ + +My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + * * * * * + +[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.--While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.] + + + + +LETTER LII. + +TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey, + +This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that _she_ has not been _one day_ out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant. + +I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals--well, time will shew--in the mean time, +adieu! + +Your's, most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter. + +At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne--"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his _devoir_ to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me--"Harry Woodley!" I repeated. + +"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +_my_ father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection--an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he _was_ the _first_, but _now_ is _second_ in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness. + +I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles." + + * * * * * + +He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last--he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world. + +Adieu! + +Your's most truly, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Melford-Abbey. + +Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the _confidante_ of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth. + +You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love--and _love_ of the purest, noblest kind. + +He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken--he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was--that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy--and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum? + +He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear? + +I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me--a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, _a burnt child dreads the fire._ These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us--his extreme tenderness--the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers! + +Adieu! I am dressed _en cavalier_, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a _tête-à-tête_ with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But _here_--he is in the way. + +Your's, + +L. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is--it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love--of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not--write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of _love_ has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more! + +I remember the ill-fated youth--ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear--was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme? + +Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering--indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit--have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me--he may of +_Destiny_; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of _her!_ + + * * * * * + +I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men? + +Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!--he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say--_see him_. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon--but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can. + +Adieu! + +Your's most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LVII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can _love_ +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!--for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!--she, who was once +all tenderness--all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, _and +felt for weakness which she never knew_-- + + "It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly; + Our _sex_, as well as I, may chide you for it, + Though I alone do feel the injury--" + +you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!--all its +anxieties!--Oh, Louisa! can you forget my _confidence_ in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, _my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power_. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my _inexorableness_, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me! + +How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a _stranger_! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of _your +favourite_ to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive? + +But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done. + +My good uncle is better.--You have wrung my heart--and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further _forbearance._ + +My resolution is fixed--no matter what that is--there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot--you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!--of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?--I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival. + +Adieu! + +Your's for ever, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +Stanley-park. + +Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me. + +You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.] + +I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words: + +"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings." + +I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"--But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, _Ton-hausen!_ I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent--"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?" + +"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner. + +"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?" + +"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence." + +"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural." + +"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!" + +"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?" + +"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion." + +"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +_confidant_ of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?" + +"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced." + +"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you." + +"No, you was not." + +"Not married, before I was seen by you?" + +"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you--loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?" + +"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!" + +"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here." + +"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?" + +"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father." + +"My father! Is my father here?" + +"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly. + +"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see." + +"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?" + +"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same." + +"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor _Ton-hausen_?" + +"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known." + +By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?" + +"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him." + +"Call me _your's_," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. _Your_ sister, and soon, I hope, _mine_, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, _grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength_. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer--not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution--nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). _He_ it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a _presentiment_, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our _passions_ before _reason_ could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +_That_ I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these _pious frauds_; and to reassure her she shall, if _the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things_, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley." + +"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future. + +I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe. + +Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow. + +Adieu! + +I am your's ever + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me. + +I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present. + +I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon. + +Pray how do you go on? Are you near your _accouchement_? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet. + +Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of _poetical justice_. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,--for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +_all's well that ends well_. As to your Proteus, with all his _aliases_, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom! + +What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. _Tell it not in Gath_. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +_beau monde._ + +Adieu! + +MARIA BRUDENEL. + + +FINIS. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + +***** This file should be named 38525-8.txt or 38525-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/5/2/38525/ + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Sylph, Volume I and II + +Author: Georgiana Cavendish + +Release Date: January 8, 2012 [EBook #38525] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + + + + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<h1>THE SYLPH</h1> + +<h3>By</h3> + +<h2>GEORGIANA</h2> + +<h2>DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE</h2> + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">By laws eternal to th'aërial kind:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Some in the fields of purest æther play,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Our humbler province is to tend the Fair,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Not a less pleasing, <i>nor</i> less glorious care."</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">POPE's Rape of the Lock.</span><br /> +</p> + + + +<p><a href="#Table_of_Contents">Contents</a></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="VOLUME_I" id="VOLUME_I"></a>VOLUME I</h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_I" id="LETTER_I"></a>LETTER I.</h3> + + +<p>TO LORD BIDDULPH.</p> + +<p>It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have <i>nothing</i>, to +get <i>something</i>; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced.</p> + +<p>What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled!</p> + +<p>But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate—I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."—But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.—Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin.</p> + +<p>I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, <i>I am married</i>, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +<i>begin with the first</i>.</p> + +<p>I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G——. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my <i>conge</i> and departed. +On my journey—as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement—I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a <i>sentimental traveller</i> pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the <i>cloud-capt</i> mountains one morning—a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend—from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +<i>our</i> world.—I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +<i>like Patience on a monument</i>, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could—hoping better fortune by and bye.</p> + +<p>In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations.</p> + +<p>After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs.</p> + +<p>One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood."</p> + +<p>"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me.</p> + +<p>As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate.</p> + +<p>"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry."</p> + +<p>"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!"</p> + +<p>"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture."</p> + +<p>"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on <i>my</i> +daughter."</p> + +<p>"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest."</p> + +<p>"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form."</p> + +<p>"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against <i>simple fornication</i>. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."—I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my <i>innocence of actual seduction</i>, and such stuff—) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present.</p> + +<p>When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly—It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that <i>bore</i> +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the <i>arms</i> of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids—yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate.</p> + +<p>I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +<i>for better, for worse;</i> yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +<i>badinage</i>, and sometimes something more, with a married woman—I would +much rather that my wife, like Cæsar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class—and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."—And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive?</p> + +<p>However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a <i>je ne sçai quoi</i>, +a <i>tout ensemble</i>, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley.</p> + +<p>Shall I whisper you a secret—but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon—I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn—Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me—having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry—and then it is too late: the die is +cast.</p> + +<p>I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant—and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither—though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me,</p> + +<p>Your lordship's devoted,</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_II" id="LETTER_II"></a>LETTER II.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for <i>sin and +sea-coal</i> in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine;</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"And days of peace do still succeed</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To nights of calm repose."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband!</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"And when I am weary of wandering all day,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;—besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,—and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father.</p> + +<p>One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.—In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,—and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity.</p> + +<p>It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.—I was extremely desirous of practising a few manÅ“uvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;—but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;—if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,—remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next."</p> + +<p>I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.—Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.—I am sick to death of the constant <i>routine</i> of circumstances +here—<i>the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever</i>. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with.</p> + +<p>I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +<i>rib</i>.—She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive.</p> + +<p>Sylph is fixed on.—Our <i>suite</i> will be a Welsh <i>fille de chambre</i>, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;—as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our <i>beaux d'esprits</i> of the +motley tribe.—I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.—I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.—I was going to say +services,—but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's?</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_III" id="LETTER_III"></a>LETTER III.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.—I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;—they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced—and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.—I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.—And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure.</p> + +<p>As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.—This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.—I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;—and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;—but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come.</p> + +<p>I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!—Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the <i>etiquettes</i> of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,—and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;—one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.—I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,—and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much.</p> + +<p>Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice.</p> + +<p>I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses.</p> + +<p>Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange.</p> + +<p>I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife—in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea.</p> + +<p>It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place.</p> + +<p>My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_IV" id="LETTER_IV"></a>LETTER IV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Dear JACK,</p> + +<p>I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word <i>animated +nature</i>. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms.</p> + +<p>Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me.</p> + +<p>I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +<i>devoirs</i> of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women.</p> + +<p>Whom do you think he has introduced as <i>chaperons</i> to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_V" id="LETTER_V"></a>LETTER V.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you.</p> + +<p>My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself!</p> + +<p>I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu!</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VI" id="LETTER_VI"></a>LETTER VI.</h3> + + +<p>To JAMES SPENCER, Esq.</p> + +<p>It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence.</p> + +<p>You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me.</p> + +<p>Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found.</p> + +<p>I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you.</p> + +<p>All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;—a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,—and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,—with that it grew, and with that only will expire.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man;</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">No other vows shall e'er my heart engage."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.—Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;—she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.—Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me.</p> + +<p>Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her—I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same—the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door—oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours—at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family—and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me.</p> + +<p>You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say <i>small +satisfaction</i>? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen.</p> + +<p>I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour—a studied civility—an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous—frequent expressions of fearing to +offend—and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that <i>certainty</i> she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish.</p> + +<p>I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your</p> + +<p>HENRY WOODLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VII" id="LETTER_VII"></a>LETTER VII.</h3> + + +<p>TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq.</p> + +<p>No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.—I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present.</p> + +<p>Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.—Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to <i>a man of fashion</i>. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is—without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life!</p> + +<p>The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;—he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play—attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the <i>ton</i> in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.—Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,—and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.—She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!—but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.—For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.—Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,—and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude.</p> + +<p>I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.—When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful</p> + +<p>J. SPENCER.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_VIII" id="LETTER_VIII"></a>LETTER VIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.—If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song.</p> + +<p> +"What was our <i>shame</i>, is now our <i>pride</i>."<br /> +</p> + +<p>I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.—I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,—it is <i>la cheveaux de la Regne</i>;—but the <i>colour +de puce</i> is esteemed before it, and mixed with <i>d'Artois</i>, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the <i>Pont sang</i> is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +<i>feuile mort</i>, or <i>la noysette</i>." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;—therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public.</p> + +<p>I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me—and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the <i>ton</i>." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,—and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace.</p> + +<p>Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +<i>au dernier gout</i>. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,—and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely <i>bore</i> to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, <i>ah! quel +savage</i>! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are <i>magnifique</i>, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?—Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.—I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.—"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the <i>tramontane</i>. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most <i>outré</i> figure in the +<i>beau monde</i>. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a <i>fille de chambre</i>, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years.</p> + +<p>Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.—I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;—and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way.</p> + +<p>Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.—Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."—Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without—it positively is not +decent."</p> + +<p>"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair—how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your <i>nut-brown +maid!</i>"</p> + +<p>"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +<i>ma charmante!</i>"</p> + +<p>With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands—often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,—and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented <i>pomade de Venus.</i> At length the words, "<i>vous +êtes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"</i> were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;—but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.—The <i>dresser of the actresses</i> exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, <i>chignion, +toque, pomades</i>, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, <i>&c. &c. &c</i>. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D——, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +<i>dishabillé</i>? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's <i>ruelle</i>, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes."</p> + +<p>My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!—But it is +the <i>ton</i>; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam.</p> + +<p>Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu!</p> + +<p>IN CONTINUATION</p> + +<p>My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you."</p> + +<p>"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint."</p> + +<p>This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, <i>I have no cause of complaint</i>.</p> + +<p>Your's most sincerely,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_IX" id="LETTER_IX"></a>LETTER IX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>My Dearest Child,</p> + +<p>The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia—prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles.</p> + +<p>Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may—it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age.</p> + +<p>You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to <i>your</i> amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with <i>éclat</i>, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed—I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured—with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age—or even +then, without a bequest—would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security.</p> + +<p>In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years—though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation."</p> + +<p>Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind.</p> + +<p>Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover—but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning—then winged her flight to +heaven—leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men.</p> + +<p>I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility—of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me—as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste—at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts.</p> + +<p>I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her—wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice."</p> + +<p>Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight—as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted.</p> + +<p>In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me—none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it.</p> + +<p>When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little <i>billet</i>, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,—"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books—the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions.</p> + +<p>In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression—<i>the activity of my disposition</i>; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend.</p> + +<p>A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted—she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.—But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit—it is time to leave you."</p> + +<p>I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.—I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness—I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself."</p> + +<p>"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor."</p> + +<p>"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.—Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;—but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different—I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.—Now, I was poor and in prison:—then, I listened only to my +passions—now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;—my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.—I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.—Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?—How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.—I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.—These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open <i>this</i> till he has +crossed the seas."</p> + +<p>There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +<i>that</i> I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow:</p> + +<p>"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,—at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it."</p> + +<p>Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words:</p> + +<p>"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.—I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations.</p> + +<p>I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;—but how shall I bid you adieu!"</p> + +<p>The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land—and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.—I was too affected to utter a +word;—her soul had more heroic greatness.—"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England."</p> + +<p>I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;—but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable."</p> + +<p>"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think it," she answered;—"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own."</p> + +<p>We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart—<i>that</i> alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.—It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women.</p> + +<p>For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.—However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter.</p> + +<p>Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.—Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.—I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.—A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.—He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;—they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;—there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?—My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account.</p> + +<p>A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.—Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.—Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.—Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone.</p> + +<p>In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.—"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me."</p> + +<p>"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"But when will spring visit the mouldering urn?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?"</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,—"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?"</p> + +<p>A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame.</p> + +<p>A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."—"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.—I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;—what was my agitation, when I read these words!</p> + +<p>"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!"</p> + +<p>The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria!</p> + +<p>"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,—Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.—Audible sobs +burst from her bosom—I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.—I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,—"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."—She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,—"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.—I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,—and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man."</p> + +<p>"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.—A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection."</p> + +<p>I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:—hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper—a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth.</p> + +<p>The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army.</p> + +<p>While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?"</p> + +<p>"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you—so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same—and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake."</p> + +<p>I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not—if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you—if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you."</p> + +<p>"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me."</p> + +<p>"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service."</p> + +<p>"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing—"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death."</p> + +<p>"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu!</p> + +<p>I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat.</p> + +<p>Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness.</p> + +<p>When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures—and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty.</p> + +<p>I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me.</p> + +<p>Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve.</p> + +<p>I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness.</p> + +<p>About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern.</p> + +<p>Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend."</p> + +<p>I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company.</p> + +<p>One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph:</p> + +<p>"<i>Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq.</i></p> + +<p><i>By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin.</i>"</p> + +<p>This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity—especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition—which +accordingly we did.</p> + +<p>I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful.</p> + +<p>Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father—and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so—otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?"</p> + +<p>"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will."</p> + +<p>"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.—But what say the writings?"</p> + +<p>"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity."</p> + +<p>"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for."</p> + +<p>This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years.</p> + +<p>Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.—Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +<i>that</i>,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">—Seeks thee still in many a former scene;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In all her smiles, without forbidding pride."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms!</p> + +<p>The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred.</p> + +<p>As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert.</p> + +<p>Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world!</p> + +<p>Thy tender and affectionate father,</p> + +<p>E. GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_X" id="LETTER_X"></a>LETTER X.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done.</p> + +<p>The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply—to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find.</p> + +<p>The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home—telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind—as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the <i>ton</i>. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready—you know you are to be at the opera—" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, <i>The rest of the world does so</i>: that's +quite enough.</p> + +<p>But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;—in the rest, <i>he</i> must be my guide.</p> + +<p>My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear.</p> + +<p>I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.—Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance.</p> + +<p>With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest <i>ton</i>, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory.</p> + +<p>Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,—"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?—They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends.</p> + +<p>By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.—Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.—She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;—the heart is not +consulted;—or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,—judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your <i>Cicisbeo</i> to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public."</p> + +<p>"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me."</p> + +<p>"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment."</p> + +<p>"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer."</p> + +<p>"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.—I might some time hence want a +<i>confidante</i>, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion."</p> + +<p>I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,—and +that my sentiments would not alter."</p> + +<p>"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.—As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.—Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see—add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you—you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:—it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety."</p> + +<p>"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.—I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.—Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes.</p> + +<p>As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the <i>beau monde</i>, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet—for ever proposing this or the other +scheme—which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure—but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life.</p> + +<p>Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my <i>Cicisbeo</i>—that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair—handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him.</p> + +<p>Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XI" id="LETTER_XI"></a>LETTER XI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices.</p> + +<p>That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)—you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord—what's his odious name?—why is he to be your <i>escorte</i>? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in!</p> + +<p>I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Clowns as well can act the rake,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">As those in higher sphere."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in <i>our</i> family would have given her some weight +in <i>your's</i>, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year.</p> + +<p>Would to heaven you were here!—I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;—but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation.</p> + +<p>I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, <i>I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible</i>. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it!</p> + +<p>Dearest Julia, adieu!</p> + +<p>Believe me your faithful</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XII" id="LETTER_XII"></a>LETTER XII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?—No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."—As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.—I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off.</p> + +<p>"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name."</p> + +<p>"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?"</p> + +<p>"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?"</p> + +<p>"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.—I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it."</p> + +<p>"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?"</p> + +<p>"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling—"to an +husband."</p> + +<p>"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?"</p> + +<p>"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,—Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?"</p> + +<p>"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?—This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance."</p> + +<p>I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose."</p> + +<p>I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company."</p> + +<p>The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard.</p> + +<p>I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.—Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own <i>there</i> I am +in some degree piqued. But, if <i>he</i> is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,—an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do.</p> + +<p>As to the Å“conomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.—However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's.</p> + +<p>I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere.</p> + +<p>I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!—A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these <i>tendres</i> from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. <i>Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder</i>, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;—fashion not +making it decent to appear together.</p> + +<p>These <i>etiquettes</i>, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to.</p> + +<p>"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!—It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.—Absence seems to increase my affection.—One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIII" id="LETTER_XIII"></a>LETTER XIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex—which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine.</p> + +<p>Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;—and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.—If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.—Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,—and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so."</p> + +<p>Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it.</p> + +<p>If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.—She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.—The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her <i>vis à vis</i> that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the <i>ton</i> to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.—I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions.</p> + +<p>Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.—"There is Sir William," said I.—"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here."</p> + +<p>"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.—The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages.</p> + +<p>A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here."</p> + +<p>"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken—though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.—Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him."</p> + +<p>"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men—and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?"</p> + +<p>"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her <i>Caro Sposo</i> was seen with a favourite Sultana?"</p> + +<p>"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that—<i>tout la mode de +François</i>. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?"</p> + +<p>"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self."</p> + +<p>"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too."</p> + +<p>"I do when I can," I answered.—Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me."</p> + +<p>"Most chearfully," said she;—"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?"</p> + +<p>Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D—'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented.</p> + +<p>I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia—with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness—he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +<i>honour</i> and <i>obey</i> my husband, so will I strive to <i>love</i> him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice—to say he was the first man I almost ever saw—and +to plead my youth and inexperience—oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"For man the lawless libertine may rove."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful—and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it—I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance.</p> + +<p>"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P—, with his round +unthinking face—how assiduous he was to Miss W——, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +<i>rouge</i> than almost any woman of quality—extolling her <i>forest of +hair</i>, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box—and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L——, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer—perhaps been burnt to +death—had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the <i>capitol</i>. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen—The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties."</p> + +<p>"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies."</p> + +<p>The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me.</p> + +<p>I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage—in short, nothing which +Monsieur <i>Corross</i> could not remedy in a few hours.</p> + +<p>My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered.</p> + +<p>"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.—My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite <i>en +dishabille</i>, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed—"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed."</p> + +<p>"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"—cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."—"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh—but added, in a more +serious tone—"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will <i>be blind, insensible and blind</i>."</p> + +<p>"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know—that I +was at the opera—and with a lady too.—Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident—but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine."</p> + +<p>"I will in all my best obey you," said I.—"Then go to bed," said +he—"<i>To bed, my love, and I will follow thee</i>."</p> + +<p>You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.—Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.—Yes, Louisa—was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses—but for the softer sentiments of the soul—that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin—of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIV" id="LETTER_XIV"></a>LETTER XIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me—yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point.</p> + +<p>Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.—Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree—No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming—men swearing—altogether—I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.—No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits—you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm—and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth—and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door—and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found—or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us.</p> + +<p>As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying—I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!"</p> + +<p>"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses—you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found—ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them—or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room—and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely—I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour."</p> + +<p>"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look—He seemed to correct himself.—Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances.</p> + +<p>The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside.</p> + +<p>Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic—a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms—at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."—Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending—yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I <i>did</i> experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger.</p> + +<p>I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence—"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening.</p> + +<p>Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Is every thing by starts, and nothing long."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XV" id="LETTER_XV"></a>LETTER XV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.—You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband—I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,—'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;—it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.—You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world—at least so it appears to me—is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?—Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in <i>the busy haunts of men</i>, +hazarded the privation of <i>that peace which goodness bosoms ever</i>. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!—But how much more should <i>you</i> keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;—you respect his silence;—you pity his sufferings.—Reprobate +respect!—abjure pity!—they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen.</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVI" id="LETTER_XVI"></a>LETTER XVI.</h3> + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;—yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,—remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson—why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.—Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;—I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVII" id="LETTER_XVII"></a>LETTER XVII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,—a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;—all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.——</p> + +<p>THE LETTER.</p> + +<p>"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself.</p> + +<p>My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works.</p> + +<p>I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.—It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;—nay, should possibly—enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel—such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance—unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.—But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;—to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;—to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;—to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity.</p> + +<p>I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aërial beings;—as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;—I have +hinted, I knew you well;—when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains.</p> + +<p>Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;—what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.—Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.—I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle.</p> + +<p>I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my <i>mind's eye</i> I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;—press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced—nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's.</p> + +<p>I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;—and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart—the criterion, by which I would have you +judge—ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the <i>confidant</i> of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit—The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays</p> + +<p>Your SYLPH."</p> + +<p>Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate—on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XVIII" id="LETTER_XVIII"></a>LETTER XVIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!—And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XIX" id="LETTER_XIX"></a>LETTER XIX.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded—I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side.</p> + +<p>Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford—Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +<i>effronterie</i> to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's <i>amours</i>. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man?</p> + +<p>Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have—but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents—when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of <i>Lucy +Gardener</i>, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree—yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but <i>femaleism</i> prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down:</p> + +<p>"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours <i>tête à tête</i> with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,—to be slighted thus by +you.—Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach</p> + +<p>LUCY GARDENER."</p> + +<p>The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious <i>morçeau</i>; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's <i>valet</i>, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the <i>billet,</i> as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?—No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XX" id="LETTER_XX"></a>LETTER XX.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time—since this might in the end be destructive.</p> + +<p>The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas—and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation.</p> + +<p>About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript.</p> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,—which however in this licentious town can never take +place—may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards.</p> + +<p>If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation—the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray—even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;—it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage.</p> + +<p>To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts—their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards—which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play—and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune—and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her.</p> + +<p>The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D—, now +deserted her—in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time—as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole—or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them—and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband—and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation—since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her—and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for—he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect—and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt—"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost <i>sang-froid</i>—"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?—I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,—"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.—"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.—"Consider the +hours we have been <i>tête à tête</i> together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.—Come, Madam, it grows late.—In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.—What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;—they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?—Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void—otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape."</p> + +<p>"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release—Do not then, do not with-hold my right."</p> + +<p>"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L.</p> + +<p>How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep—sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings—to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;—but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime—as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D—, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."—Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep—to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.—You may +suppose what followed.—In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it.</p> + +<p>To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles.</p> + +<p>Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it!</p> + +<p>Your faithful SYLPH."</p> + +<p>Lady STANLEY in Continuation</p> + +<p>Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other.</p> + +<p>Even my protector—he who has sworn before God and man;—but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXI" id="LETTER_XXI"></a>LETTER XXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial <i>tête à tête</i>, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties.</p> + +<p>Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy.</p> + +<p>"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.—"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."—"No, no, +you can be of no use to me—though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."—"I the cause!—for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement."</p> + +<p>"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to <i>her</i> face, <i>a cursed infatuation</i>!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was—I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.—"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face—"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;—I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.—Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of."</p> + +<p>"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +<i>derangement</i> of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."—During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.—With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,—in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."—"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."—"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."—"Reflect! Oh, that is so <i>outré</i>! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D—r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection."</p> + +<p>"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!"</p> + +<p>"Well said, my little <i>monitress</i>! why you are quite an <i>orator</i> too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be <i>just</i> at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. <i>Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away</i>, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy.</p> + +<p>The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,—never could experience that genuine sentimental passion,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To bless the dearer object of its soul."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>No, his passions are turbulent—the madness of the moment—eager to +please himself—regardless of the satisfaction of the object.—And yet I +thought he loved—I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXII" id="LETTER_XXII"></a>LETTER XXII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:—he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was <i>my</i> wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as <i>he</i> is, or as <i>I</i> am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."—While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,—"It is in vain—I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the <i>commerce-table</i>, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.—I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."—We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;—there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.—Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine <i>pigeon</i> by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious <i>morçeau</i> by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.—Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are <i>derangé</i>, as well as mine.—But, <i>courage, mi Lor</i>, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.—I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present.</p> + +<p>Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my <i>boring</i> you with these trifles;—for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the <i>trifle</i> that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +<i>soft deity, that</i> is the <i>greatest</i> trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all.</p> + +<p>I am your's most cordially,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIII" id="LETTER_XXIII"></a>LETTER XXIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the <i>polite</i> world—<i>Black-legs</i>. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.—Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear—more dear +than ever—parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am <i>his</i> wife,—and, what is more, <i>your</i> sister. Would +you believe it? he—Sir William I mean—is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,—and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and <i>that</i>, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him.</p> + +<p>Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;—but he +has taught me sufficient of evil—thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind <i>Sylph</i>, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:—What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIV" id="LETTER_XXIV"></a>LETTER XXIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO THE SAME.</p> + +<p>I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner.</p> + +<p>TO THE SYLPH</p> + +<p>"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing <i>it</i> more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand."</p> + +<p>I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken.</p> + +<p>And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;—my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,—not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +<i>per Cent</i>. Am I wrong in styling them <i>infernal</i>? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call <i>Witches</i>, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth.</p> + +<p><i>These</i> now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed.</p> + +<p>I go very little from home—In truth, I have no creature to go with.—I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because <i>fairest</i>, but <i>best</i>. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?—Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall <i>be delivered from +evil</i>?</p> + +<p>Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?—for too surely, <i>that</i> was +appearance—<i>this</i> reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while <i>we</i> listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now—But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel—who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme.</p> + +<p>But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William <i>to +himself</i>; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel—yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.—Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately—Miss Finch, I should say—has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady—for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by <i>accident</i>—and always to have some <i>prior</i> +engagement when they proposed meeting by <i>design</i>.</p> + +<p>Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.—But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. <i>She</i> must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXV" id="LETTER_XXV"></a>LETTER XXV.</h3> + + +<p>Enclosed in the foregoing.</p> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its <i>only</i> reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.—And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while <i>they</i> are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before—how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of <i>virtue</i>; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find <i>her</i> "in her own form—how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man—than the Rosicrusian philosopher.—But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it—we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more <i>tremblingly +alive</i> than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being—and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile—yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you.</p> + +<p>I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities.</p> + +<p>When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you!</p> + +<p>Your careful</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVI" id="LETTER_XXVI"></a>LETTER XXVI.</h3> + + +<p>To THE SYLPH.</p> + +<p>It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults—for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you.</p> + +<p>Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion—or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour—and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits—and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven.</p> + +<p>I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but <i>none</i> +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even <i>his</i> irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment—and abide most chearfully +by your decision.</p> + +<p>Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides—nor ever casts one look behind.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="VOLUME_II" id="VOLUME_II"></a>VOLUME II</h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVII" id="LETTER_XXVII"></a>LETTER XXVII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of—my Sylph, my guardian angel!</p> + +<p>In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the <i>idea</i> +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of <i>humanity</i> he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The <i>design</i> I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning—she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day."</p> + +<p>"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female <i>tête-à -tête</i>." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one.</p> + +<p>As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him—I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly—"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure—let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry—but without any notion of its being an union for +life—only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals—oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible.</p> + +<p>"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these <i>modern</i> husbands? I fear +me, I should become a <i>modern</i> wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him."</p> + +<p>"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?"</p> + +<p>"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be."</p> + +<p>"Do I know the happy man?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too."</p> + +<p>"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?"</p> + +<p>"Lord Biddulph!—No, indeed!—not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though <i>he</i> has a title, but not an English one."</p> + +<p>To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined—"So then, +I may wish the <i>Baron</i> joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech.</p> + +<p>"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity."</p> + +<p>"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now—pray proceed."</p> + +<p>"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?"</p> + +<p>"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind."</p> + +<p>"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude—oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes—my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words—and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an <i>adroit</i> fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself.</p> + +<p>"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my <i>vis-à -vis</i>.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?—What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be <i>just</i> to yourself, and <i>generously indulgent</i> +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time—we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon—I am too +serious—tho' my <i>tête-à -têtes</i> with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that <i>I</i> +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of <i>peeping behind the curtain</i>, and having the +whole <i>drama</i> before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament—without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.'</p> + +<p>'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam—we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.'</p> + +<p>"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children.</p> + +<p>'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the <i>happy</i> hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted <i>that</i> neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what <i>fort</i> can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like <i>Pamela Andrews</i>; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B—, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +<i>so</i>, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that <i>change</i>; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the <i>red-coats</i>. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as <i>I</i> am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain:</p> + +<p>'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least <i>regard</i>. I fear, I have +forfeited <i>that</i> of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and <i>hoped</i> there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one—our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw—she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided.</p> + +<p>'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too <i>dishonourable</i> a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.'</p> + +<p>"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one."</p> + +<p>We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave.</p> + +<p>Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. <i>I</i> might then have been the envied <i>confidante</i> of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that <i>I</i>, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen—Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought—I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so <i>improper</i> an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts.</p> + +<p>Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXVIII" id="LETTER_XXVIII"></a>LETTER XXVIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, <i>To Gratitude</i>, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXIX" id="LETTER_XXIX"></a>LETTER XXIX.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal!</p> + +<p>None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +<i>know</i> and <i>see</i> you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXX" id="LETTER_XXX"></a>LETTER XXX.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one <i>other</i> is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that <i>repose</i>, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that <i>other</i> too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had <i>he</i> known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no <i>one</i> to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me.</p> + +<p>I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +<i>it</i>, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu.</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXI" id="LETTER_XXXI"></a>LETTER XXXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>My dearest Sister,</p> + +<p>It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in <i>no other</i> can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that <i>he</i> has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +<i>perfidy</i> occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, <i>you</i> could have no <i>hope</i> to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of <i>disappointment</i> and <i>despair</i>; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his <i>confidante</i>. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be <i>greater</i> likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXII" id="LETTER_XXXII"></a>LETTER XXXII.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that <i>vice</i> need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation.</p> + +<p>I am ever your obliged,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIII" id="LETTER_XXXIII"></a>LETTER XXXIII.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +<i>confide</i>, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, <i>you</i> had better be the <i>leader</i> than the <i>led</i>; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is.</p> + +<p>I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see <i>you</i>; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIV" id="LETTER_XXXIV"></a>LETTER XXXIV.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXV" id="LETTER_XXXV"></a>LETTER XXXV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else.</p> + +<p>That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly <i>outré</i>, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction?</p> + +<p>Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +<i>Tavistock-street</i>; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its <i>goût</i>; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was <i>tête-à -tête</i> with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph."</p> + +<p>"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a <i>man</i>, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal <i>devoir</i> to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me."</p> + +<p>"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?"</p> + +<p>"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified."</p> + +<p>"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman."</p> + +<p>"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor <i>cast one longing +lingering look behind?</i>"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!"</p> + +<p>"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?"</p> + +<p>"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went."</p> + +<p>"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?"</p> + +<p>I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose."</p> + +<p>"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a <i>penchant</i> for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?"</p> + +<p>I sighed—"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?"</p> + +<p>"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, <i>the heart of man is deceitful above all things</i>. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as <i>that</i> may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long <i>tête-à -tête</i> +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present—see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose—I did the same—he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me?</p> + +<p>The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a <i>tour</i> of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph.</p> + +<p>"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure."</p> + +<p>"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence.</p> + +<p>He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff.</p> + +<p>I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation.</p> + +<p>"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own."</p> + +<p>By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:—she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?"</p> + +<p>"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please."</p> + +<p>"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me?</p> + +<p>Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more <i>welcome</i> under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate.</p> + +<p>About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!"</p> + +<p>"I have had something more than <i>fatigue</i> to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised."</p> + +<p>"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house."</p> + +<p>"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house."</p> + +<p>"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him.</p> + +<p>Sir William seemed extremely <i>chagrined</i>; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape.</p> + +<p>But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too—yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal—But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVI" id="LETTER_XXXVI"></a>LETTER XXXVI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed.</p> + +<p>"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits."</p> + +<p>"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if <i>you</i> would withhold the +murderous knife."</p> + +<p>"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast.</p> + +<p>Adieu! Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVII" id="LETTER_XXXVII"></a>LETTER XXXVII.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +<i>éclat</i>? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care!</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXVIII" id="LETTER_XXXVIII"></a>LETTER XXXVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands—but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as <i>I</i> am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XXXIX" id="LETTER_XXXIX"></a>LETTER XXXIX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning <i>his</i> name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents—"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom."</p> + +<p>"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"—I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair.</p> + +<p>"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And image charms I must behold no more."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!"</p> + +<p>"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him—for ever!</p> + +<p>I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XL" id="LETTER_XL"></a>LETTER XL.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the <i>Morning Post</i>. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that <i>Hydra</i> of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.—But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like <i>Calista</i> of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to <i>play</i> and to <i>lose</i> is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +<i>remonstrances</i> I have made, and the <i>dissuasives</i> I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly?</p> + +<p>It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +<i>agreeable</i> meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes."</p> + +<p>"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three."</p> + +<p>"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play.</p> + +<p>There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack:</p> + +<p>Remember thy old friend,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLI" id="LETTER_XLI"></a>LETTER XLI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me.</p> + +<p>The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D—'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my <i>chaperon</i>." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose."</p> + +<p>"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present."</p> + +<p>Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can."</p> + +<p>"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?"</p> + +<p>"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;—"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits."</p> + +<p>"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe."</p> + +<p>"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you."</p> + +<p>"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit."</p> + +<p>I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a <i>tendre</i> for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows!</p> + +<p>Your's, most affectionately,</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLII" id="LETTER_XLII"></a>LETTER XLII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lord BIDDULPH.</p> + +<p>For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again.</p> + +<p>You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>W. STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIII" id="LETTER_XLIII"></a>LETTER XLIII.</h3> + + +<p>Enclosed in the foregoing.</p> + +<p>TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Sir,</p> + +<p>I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law.</p> + +<p>I remain, Sir,</p> + +<p>Your humble servant,</p> + +<p>GEORGE BRUDENEL.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIV" id="LETTER_XLIV"></a>LETTER XLIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, <i>how hard is my fate</i>! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster.</p> + +<p>Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly—No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into."</p> + +<p>"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it."</p> + +<p>"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence."</p> + +<p>"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever."</p> + +<p>"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice.</p> + +<p>"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil."</p> + +<p>"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money."</p> + +<p>"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels."</p> + +<p>"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt—"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you."</p> + +<p>"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever."</p> + +<p>"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +<i>confidante</i> of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent <i>my</i> knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!"</p> + +<p>"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman."</p> + +<p>I obeyed, leaving my husband with this <i>gentleman</i>, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated!</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLV" id="LETTER_XLV"></a>LETTER XLV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Col. MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +<i>derangé</i>, and that he had practised an unsuccessful <i>manÅ“uvre</i> on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve.</p> + +<p>In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me."</p> + +<p>"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young <i>Cub</i> in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time."</p> + +<p>"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable."</p> + +<p>"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D— the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves.</p> + +<p>When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure."</p> + +<p>"The remedy is worse than the disease."</p> + +<p>"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go.</p> + +<p>"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?"</p> + +<p>"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to."</p> + +<p>"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?"</p> + +<p>"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; my life."</p> + +<p>"What, at Tyburn?"</p> + +<p>"Dam—n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect—the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not <i>that</i> suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned."</p> + +<p>"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir."</p> + +<p>You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it!</p> + +<p>"Gods! what a thought is there!"</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVI" id="LETTER_XLVI"></a>LETTER XLVI.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)—Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman.</p> + +<p>"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William."</p> + +<p>"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting.</p> + +<p>"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you."</p> + +<p>I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!"</p> + +<p>"They won't hurt you; I want you here."</p> + +<p>"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them."</p> + +<p>I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune.</p> + +<p>Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him."</p> + +<p>"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?"</p> + +<p>"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you."</p> + +<p>"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it."</p> + +<p>"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will."</p> + +<p>"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up—"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your <i>insults</i> with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?"</p> + +<p>"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money."</p> + +<p>"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house."</p> + +<p>"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service."</p> + +<p>"Would to heaven you had done so long—long before I had seen you!"</p> + +<p>"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!"</p> + +<p>"Power! alas! what power have I?"</p> + +<p>"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not—do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?"</p> + +<p>"By no means."</p> + +<p>"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable."</p> + +<p>"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house."</p> + +<p>"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery."</p> + +<p>"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony.</p> + +<p>"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him."</p> + +<p>"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation.</p> + +<p>"What would <i>you</i> do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand.</p> + +<p>"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?"</p> + +<p>"You have the means in your power."</p> + +<p>"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more—much more than I can bear."</p> + +<p>"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?"</p> + +<p>"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!"</p> + +<p>"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment—I act but by his +consent."</p> + +<p>"By his consent!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a <i>forgery</i>, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart."</p> + +<p>Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!—"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand,</p> + +<p>WILLIAM STANLEY."</p> + +<p>Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life."</p> + +<p>"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!"</p> + +<p>"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband."</p> + +<p>"What, should I barter my soul to save <i>one</i> so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William."</p> + +<p>Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence—for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition—eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate—my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William—that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless—Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you."</p> + +<p>"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny."</p> + +<p>"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers."</p> + +<p>"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare—I insist, Sir—leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon—"Forgive me!—Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!"</p> + +<p>"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly.</p> + +<p>"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful."</p> + +<p>"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?"</p> + +<p>"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns."</p> + +<p>"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?"</p> + +<p>"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought."</p> + +<p>"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines—but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever,</p> + +<p>MARIA FINCH."</p> + +<p>I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to—oh! what shall I call him?—the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus:</p> + +<p>"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY."</p> + +<p>Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort!</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>J.S.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVII" id="LETTER_XLVII"></a>LETTER XLVII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Colonel MONTAGUE.</p> + +<p>Well, Jack, we are all <i>entrain</i>. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose—but I love +to have my adorables meet me—<i>almost</i> half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours.</p> + +<p>I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder?</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction.</p> + +<p>My mind is a hell—I cannot reflect—I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In what a different style I began this letter—with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on <i>me</i>, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt.</p> + +<p>I am your's,</p> + +<p>BIDDULPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLVIII" id="LETTER_XLVIII"></a>LETTER XLVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Dear Madam,</p> + +<p>A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship.</p> + +<p>We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her.</p> + +<p>Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble.</p> + +<p>Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant,</p> + +<p>MARIA FINCH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_XLIX" id="LETTER_XLIX"></a>LETTER XLIX.</h3> + + +<p>From the SYLPH.</p> + +<p>The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over.</p> + +<p>In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence.</p> + +<p>There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, <i>to be good is to be happy;</i> but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu!</p> + +<p>Ever your faithful</p> + +<p>SYLPH.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_L" id="LETTER_L"></a>LETTER L.</h3> + + +<p>TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>Woodley-vale.</p> + +<p>My dear Sir George,</p> + +<p>It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand—"Don't leave us—I will be more myself—Don't +leave us, my second father!—Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece.</p> + +<p>Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!—I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, <i>nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!</i></p> + +<p>I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too—indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being <i>her</i> sister. And my +little <i>Finch</i> is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you.</p> + +<p>Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that <i>time</i> to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +<i>friend</i> from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of <i>that peace which goodness bosoms ever!</i></p> + +<p>EDWARD STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LI" id="LETTER_LI"></a>LETTER LI.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss FINCH.</p> + +<p>You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +<i>rencontre</i> with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +<i>confidante</i> of a <i>penchant</i> for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife <i>unhackneyed in the ways +of the world</i>. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers.</p> + +<p>And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an <i>old fool</i>."</p> + +<p>He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, <i>I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray</i>? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may <i>my</i> trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +<i>his!</i></p> + +<p>My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.—While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.]</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LII" id="LETTER_LII"></a>LETTER LII.</h3> + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey,</p> + +<p>This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that <i>she</i> has not been <i>one day</i> out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant.</p> + +<p>I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals—well, time will shew—in the mean time, +adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's, most sincerely,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIII" id="LETTER_LIII"></a>LETTER LIII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter.</p> + +<p>At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne—"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his <i>devoir</i> to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me—"Harry Woodley!" I repeated.</p> + +<p>"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +<i>my</i> father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection—an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he <i>was</i> the <i>first</i>, but <i>now</i> is <i>second</i> in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness.</p> + +<p>I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last—he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's most truly,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIV" id="LETTER_LIV"></a>LETTER LIV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Melford-Abbey.</p> + +<p>Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the <i>confidante</i> of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth.</p> + +<p>You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love—and <i>love</i> of the purest, noblest kind.</p> + +<p>He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken—he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was—that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy—and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum?</p> + +<p>He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear?</p> + +<p>I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me—a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, <i>a burnt child dreads the fire.</i> These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us—his extreme tenderness—the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers!</p> + +<p>Adieu! I am dressed <i>en cavalier</i>, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a <i>tête-à -tête</i> with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But <i>here</i>—he is in the way.</p> + +<p>Your's,</p> + +<p>L. GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LV" id="LETTER_LV"></a>LETTER LV.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is—it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love—of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not—write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of <i>love</i> has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more!</p> + +<p>I remember the ill-fated youth—ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear—was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme?</p> + +<p>Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering—indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit—have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me—he may of +<i>Destiny</i>; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of <i>her!</i></p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVI" id="LETTER_LVI"></a>LETTER LVI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men?</p> + +<p>Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!—he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say—<i>see him</i>. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon—but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's most sincerely,</p> + +<p>LOUISA GRENVILLE.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVII" id="LETTER_LVII"></a>LETTER LVII.</h3> + + +<p>TO Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can <i>love</i> +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!—for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!—she, who was once +all tenderness—all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, <i>and +felt for weakness which she never knew</i>—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Our <i>sex</i>, as well as I, may chide you for it,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Though I alone do feel the injury—"</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!—all its +anxieties!—Oh, Louisa! can you forget my <i>confidence</i> in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, <i>my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power</i>. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my <i>inexorableness</i>, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me!</p> + +<p>How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a <i>stranger</i>! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of <i>your +favourite</i> to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive?</p> + +<p>But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done.</p> + +<p>My good uncle is better.—You have wrung my heart—and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further <i>forbearance.</i></p> + +<p>My resolution is fixed—no matter what that is—there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LVIII" id="LETTER_LVIII"></a>LETTER LVIII.</h3> + + +<p>To Miss GRENVILLE.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot—you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!—of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?—I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>Your's for ever,</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LIX" id="LETTER_LIX"></a>LETTER LIX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>Stanley-park.</p> + +<p>Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me.</p> + +<p>You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.]</p> + +<p>I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words:</p> + +<p>"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings."</p> + +<p>I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"—But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, <i>Ton-hausen!</i> I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent—"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?"</p> + +<p>"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner.</p> + +<p>"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?"</p> + +<p>"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence."</p> + +<p>"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural."</p> + +<p>"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!"</p> + +<p>"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?"</p> + +<p>"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion."</p> + +<p>"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +<i>confidant</i> of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?"</p> + +<p>"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced."</p> + +<p>"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you."</p> + +<p>"No, you was not."</p> + +<p>"Not married, before I was seen by you?"</p> + +<p>"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you—loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?"</p> + +<p>"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!"</p> + +<p>"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here."</p> + +<p>"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?"</p> + +<p>"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father."</p> + +<p>"My father! Is my father here?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly.</p> + +<p>"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see."</p> + +<p>"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?"</p> + +<p>"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same."</p> + +<p>"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor <i>Ton-hausen</i>?"</p> + +<p>"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known."</p> + +<p>By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?"</p> + +<p>"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him."</p> + +<p>"Call me <i>your's</i>," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. <i>Your</i> sister, and soon, I hope, <i>mine</i>, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, <i>grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength</i>. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer—not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution—nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). <i>He</i> it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a <i>presentiment</i>, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our <i>passions</i> before <i>reason</i> could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +<i>That</i> I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these <i>pious frauds</i>; and to reassure her she shall, if <i>the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things</i>, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley."</p> + +<p>"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future.</p> + +<p>I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe.</p> + +<p>Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>I am your's ever</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LX" id="LETTER_LX"></a>LETTER LX.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady BRUDENEL.</p> + +<p>You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me.</p> + +<p>I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present.</p> + +<p>I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon.</p> + +<p>Pray how do you go on? Are you near your <i>accouchement</i>? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet.</p> + +<p>Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes.</p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>JULIA STANLEY.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="LETTER_LXI" id="LETTER_LXI"></a>LETTER LXI.</h3> + + +<p>TO Lady STANLEY.</p> + +<p>Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of <i>poetical justice</i>. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,—for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +<i>all's well that ends well</i>. As to your Proteus, with all his <i>aliases</i>, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom!</p> + +<p>What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. <i>Tell it not in Gath</i>. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +<i>beau monde.</i></p> + +<p>Adieu!</p> + +<p>MARIA BRUDENEL.</p> + + +<p class="caption">FINIS.</p> + +<h4><a name="Table_of_Contents" id="Table_of_Contents"></a>Table of Contents</h4> + +<div class="center" style="font-size: 0.8em"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align="left" width="33%">VOLUME I</td><td align="left" width="33%">VOLUME II</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_I">LETTER I</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVII">LETTER XXVII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIII">LETTER LIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_II">LETTER II</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVIII">LETTER XXVIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIV">LETTER LIV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_III">LETTER III</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIX">LETTER XXIX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LV">LETTER LV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_IV">LETTER IV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXX">LETTER XXX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVI">LETTER LVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_V">LETTER V</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXI">LETTER XXXI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVII">LETTER LVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VI">LETTER VI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXII">LETTER XXXII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LVIII">LETTER LVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VII">LETTER VII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIII">LETTER XXXIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LIX">LETTER LIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_VIII">LETTER VIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIV">LETTER XXXIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LX">LETTER LX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_IX">LETTER IX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXV">LETTER XXXV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LXI">LETTER LXI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_X">LETTER X</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVI">LETTER XXXVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XI">LETTER XI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVII">LETTER XXXVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XII">LETTER XII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXVIII">LETTER XXXVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIII">LETTER XIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXXIX">LETTER XXXIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIV">LETTER XIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XL">LETTER XL</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XV">LETTER XV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLI">LETTER XLI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVI">LETTER XVI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLII">LETTER XLII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVII">LETTER XVII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIII">LETTER XLIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XVIII">LETTER XVIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIV">LETTER XLIV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XIX">LETTER XIX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLV">LETTER XLV</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XX">LETTER XX</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVI">LETTER XLVI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXI">LETTER XXI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVII">LETTER XLVII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXII">LETTER XXII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLVIII">LETTER XLVIII</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIII">LETTER XXIII</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XLIX">LETTER XLIX</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXIV">LETTER XXIV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_L">LETTER L</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXV">LETTER XXV</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LI">LETTER LI</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_XXVI">LETTER XXVI</a></td><td align="left"><a href="#LETTER_LII">LETTER LII</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + +***** This file should be named 38525-h.htm or 38525-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/5/2/38525/ + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Sylph, Volume I and II + +Author: Georgiana Cavendish + +Release Date: January 8, 2012 [EBook #38525] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + + + + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + + + + +THE SYLPH + +BY + +GEORGIANA + +DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE + + + "Ye Sylphs and Sylphids, to your chief give ear, + Fays, Fairies, Genii, Elves, and Demons, hear! + Ye know the spheres, and various tasks assign'd + By laws eternal to th'aerial kind: + Some in the fields of purest aether play, + And bask, and whiten, in the blaze of day; + Some guide the course of wand'ring orbs on high, + Or roll the planets thro' the boundless sky: + Our humbler province is to tend the Fair, + Not a less pleasing, _nor_ less glorious care." + + POPE's Rape of the Lock. + + + + +Table of Contents + + + VOLUME I VOLUME II + + LETTER I LETTER XXVII LETTER LIII + LETTER II LETTER XXVIII LETTER LIV + LETTER III LETTER XXIX LETTER LV + LETTER IV LETTER XXX LETTER LVI + LETTER V LETTER XXXI LETTER LVII + LETTER VI LETTER XXXII LETTER LVIII + LETTER VII LETTER XXXIII LETTER LIX + LETTER VIII LETTER XXXIV LETTER LX + LETTER IX LETTER XXXV LETTER LXI + LETTER X LETTER XXXVI + LETTER XI LETTER XXXVII + LETTER XII LETTER XXXVIII + LETTER XIII LETTER XXXIX + LETTER XIV LETTER XL + LETTER XV LETTER XLI + LETTER XVI LETTER XLII + LETTER XVII LETTER XLIII + LETTER XVIII LETTER XLIV + LETTER XIX LETTER XLV + LETTER XX LETTER XLVI + LETTER XX LETTER XLVII + LETTER XXII LETTER XLVIII + LETTER XXIII LETTER XLIX + LETTER XXIV LETTER L + LETTER XXV LETTER LI + LETTER XXVI LETTER LII + + + + +VOLUME I + + + + +LETTER I. + + +TO LORD BIDDULPH. + +It is a certain sign of a man's cause being bad, when he is obliged to +quote precedents in the follies of others, to excuse his own. You see I +give up my cause at once. I am convinced I have done a silly thing, and +yet I can produce thousands who daily do the same with, perhaps, not so +good a motive as myself. In short, not to puzzle you too much, which I +know is extremely irksome to a man who loves to have every thing as +clear as a proposition in Euclid; your friend (now don't laugh) is +married. "Married!" Aye, why not? don't every body marry? those who have +estates, to have heirs of their own; and those who have _nothing_, to +get _something_; so, according to my system, every body marries. Then +why that stare of astonishment? that look of unbelief? Yes, thou +infidel, I am married, and to such a woman! though, notwithstanding her +beauty and other accomplishments, I shall be half afraid to present her +in the world, she's such a rustic! one of your sylvan deities. But I was +mad for her. "So you have been for half the women in town." Very true, +my Lord, so I have, till I either gained them, or saw others whose image +obliterated theirs. You well know, love with me has ever been a laughing +God, "Rosy lips and cherub smiles," none of its black despairing looks +have I experienced. + +What will the world say? How will some exult that I am at last taken in! +What, the gay seducive Stanley shackled! + +But, I apprehend, your Lordship will wish to be informed how the +"smiling mischief" seized me. Well, you shall have the full and true +particulars of the matter how, the time when, and place where. I must, +however, look back. Perhaps I have been too precipitate--I might +possibly have gained the charming maid at a less expense than +"adamantine everlasting chains."--But the bare idea of losing her made +every former resolution of never being enslaved appear as nothing.--Her +looks "would warm the cool bosom of age," and tempt an Anchorite to sin. + +I could have informed you in a much better method, and have led you on +through a flowery path; but as all my elaborate sketches must have ended +in this disastrous truth, _I am married_, I thought it quite as well to +let you into that important secret at once. As I have divided my +discourse under three heads, I will, according to some able preachers, +_begin with the first_. + +I left you as you may remember (though perhaps the burgundy might have +washed away your powers of recollection) pretty early one morning at the +Thatched-house, to proceed as far as Wales to visit Lord G----. I did +not find so much sport as I expected in his Lordship's grounds; and +within doors, two old-fashioned maiden sisters did not promise such as +is suited to my taste, and therefore pretended letters from town, which +required my attendance, and in consequence made my _conge_ and departed. +On my journey--as I had no immediate business any where, save that which +has ever been my sole employ, amusement--I resolved to make little +deviations from the right road, and like a _sentimental traveller_ pick +up what I could find in my way conducive to the chief end of my life. I +stopped at a pleasant village some distance from Abergavenny, where I +rested some time, making little excursive progressions round the +country. Rambling over the _cloud-capt_ mountains one morning--a morning +big with the fate of moor-game and your friend--from the ridge of a +precipice I beheld, to me, the most delicious game in the hospitable +globe, a brace of females, unattended, and, by the stile of their dress, +though far removed from the vulgar, yet such as did not bespeak them of +_our_ world.--I drew out my glass to take a nearer ken, when such +beauties shot from one in particular, that fired my soul, and ran +thrilling through every vein. That instant they turned from me, and +seemed to be bending their foot-steps far away. Mad with the wish of a +nearer view, and fearful of losing sight of them, I hastily strove to +descend. My eyes still fixed on my lovely object, I paid no regard to my +situation, and, while my thoughts and every faculty were absorbed in +this pleasing idea, scrambled over rocks and precipices fearless of +consequences; which however might have concluded rather unfortunately, +and spoiled me for adventure; for, without the least warning, which is +often the case, a piece of earth gave way, and down my worship rolled to +the bottom. The height from whence I had fallen, and the rough +encounters I had met with, stunned me for some time, but when I came to +my recollection, I was charmed to see my beautiful girls running towards +me. They had seen my fall, and, from my lying still, concluded I was +killed; they expressed great joy on hearing me speak, and most +obligingly endeavored to assist me in rising, but their united efforts +were in vain; my leg was broken. This was a great shock to us all. In +the sweetest accents they condoled me on my misfortune, and offered +every assistance and consolation in their power. To a genius so +enterprizing as myself, any accident which furthered my wishes of making +an acquaintance with the object I had been pursuing, appeared trivial, +when the advantages presented themselves to my view. I sat therefore +_like Patience on a monument_, and bore my misfortune with a stoical +philosophy. I wanted much to discover who they were, as their +appearance was rather equivocal, and might have pronounced them +belonging to any station in life. Their dress was exactly the same: +white jackets and petticoats, with light green ribbands, &c. I asked +some questions, which I hoped would lead to the point I wished to be +informed in: their answers were polite, but not satisfactory; though I +cannot say they were wholly evasive, as they seemed artlessly innocent; +or, if at all reserved, it was the reserve which native modesty teaches. +One of them said, I was in great need of instant assistance; and she had +interest enough to procure some from an house not very distant from us: +on which, they were both going. I entreated the younger one to stay, as +I should be the most wretched of all mortals if left to myself. "We go," +said she, "in order to relieve that wretchedness." I fixed my eyes on +her with the most tender languor I could assume; and, sighing, told her, +"it was in her power alone to give me ease, since she was the cause of +my pain: her charms had dazzled my eyes, and occasioned that false step +which had brought me sooner than I expected at her feet." She smiled, +and answered, "then it was doubly incumbent on her to be as quick as +possible in procuring me every accommodation necessary." At that instant +they spied a herdsman, not far off. They called aloud, and talking with +him some little time, without saying a word further to me, tripped away +like two fairies. I asked the peasant who those lovely girls were. He +not answering, I repeated my question louder, thinking him deaf; but, +staring at me with a stupid astonishment, he jabbered out some barbarous +sounds, which I immediately discovered to be a Welsh language I knew no +more than the Hottentotts. I had flattered myself with being, by this +fellow's assistance, able to discover the real situation of these sweet +girls: indeed I hoped to have found them within my reach; for, though I +was at that moment as much in love as a man with a broken leg and +bruised body could be supposed, yet I had then not the least thoughts of +matrimony, I give you my honour. Thus disappointed in my views, I rested +as contented as I could--hoping better fortune by and bye. + +In a little time a person, who had the appearance of a gentleman, +approached, with three other servants, who carried a gate, on which was +laid a feather-bed. He addressed me with the utmost politeness, and +assisted to place me on this litter, and begged to have the honour of +attending me to his house. I returned his civilities with the same +politeness, and was carried to a very good-looking house on the side of +a wood, and placed on a bed in a room handsomely furnished. A surgeon +came a few hours after. The fracture was reduced; and as I was ordered +to be kept extremely quiet, every one left the room, except my kind +host, who sat silently by the bed-side. This was certainly genuine +hospitality, for I was wholly unknown, as you may suppose: however, my +figure, being that of a gentleman, and my distressed situation, were +sufficient recommendations. + +After lying some time in a silent state, I ventured to breathe out my +grateful acknowledgements; but Mr. Grenville stopped me short, nor would +suffer me to say one word that might tend to agitate my spirits. I told +him, I thought it absolutely necessary to inform him who I was, as the +event of my accident was uncertain. I therefore gave a concise account +of myself. He desired to know if I had any friend to whom I would wish +to communicate my situation. I begged him to send to the village I had +left that morning for my servant, as I should be glad of his attendance. +Being an adroit fellow, I judged he might be of service to me in +gaining some intelligence about the damsels in question: but I was very +near never wanting him again; for, a fever coming on, I was for some +days hovering over the grave. A good constitution at last got the +better, and I had nothing to combat but my broken limb, which was in a +fair way. I had a most excellent nurse, a house-keeper in the family. My +own servant likewise waited on me. Mr. Grenville spent a part of every +day with me; and his agreeable conversation, though rather too grave for +a fellow of my fire, afforded me great comfort during my confinement: +yet still something was wanting, till I could hear news of my charming +wood-nymphs. + +One morning I strove to make my old nurse talk, and endeavoured to draw +her out; she seemed a little shy. I asked her a number of questions +about my generous entertainer; she rung a peal in his praise. I then +asked if there were any pretty girls in the neighbourhood, as I was a +great admirer of beauty. She laughed, and told me not to let my thoughts +wander that way yet a while; I was yet too weak. "Not to talk of beauty, +my old girl," said I. "Aye, aye," she answered, "but you look as if +talking would not content you." I then told her, I had seen the +loveliest girl in the world among the Welsh mountains, not far from +hence, who I found was acquainted with this family, and I would reward +her handsomely if she could procure me an interview with her, when she +should judge I was able to talk of love in a proper style. I then +described the girls I had seen, and freely confessed the impression one +of them had made on me. "As sure as you are alive," said the old cat, +"it was my daughter you saw." "Your daughter!" I exclaimed, "is it +possible for your daughter to be such an angel?" "Good lack! why not? +What, because I am poor, and a servant, my daughter is not to be flesh +and blood." + +"By heaven! but she is," said I, "and such flesh and blood, that I would +give a thousand pounds to take her to town with me. What say you, +mother; will you let me see her?" "I cannot tell," said she, shaking her +head: "To be sure my girl is handsome, and might make her fortune in +town; for she's as virtuous as she's poor." "I promise you," said I, "if +she is not foolish enough to be too scrupulous about one, I will take +care to remove the other. But, when shall I see her?" "Lord! you must +not be in such a hurry: all in good time." With this assurance, and +these hopes, I was constrained to remain satisfied for some time: though +the old wench every now and then would flatter my passions by extolling +the charms of her daughter; and above all, commending her sweet +compliant disposition; a circumstance I thought in my favour, as it +would render my conquest less arduous. I occasionally asked her of the +family whom she served. She seemed rather reserved on this subject, +though copious enough on any other. She informed me, however, that Mr. +Grenville had two daughters; but no more to be compared with her's, than +she was; and that, as soon as I was able to quit my bed-chamber, they +would be introduced to me. + +As my strength increased, my talkative nurse grew more eloquent in the +praises of her child; and by those praises inflamed my passion to the +highest pitch. I thought every day an age till I again beheld her; +resolving to begin my attack as soon as possible, and indulging the +idea, that my task would, through the intervention of the mother, be +carried on with great facility. Thus I wiled away the time when I was +left to myself. Yet, notwithstanding I recovered most amazingly fast +considering my accident, I thought the confinement plaguy tedious, and +was heartily glad when my surgeon gave me permission to be conveyed +into a dressing-room. On the second day of my emigration from my +bed-chamber, Mr. Grenville informed me he would bring me acquainted with +the rest of his family. I assured him I should receive such an +indulgence as a mark of his unexampled politeness and humanity, and +should endeavor to be grateful for such favour. I now attained the +height of my wishes; and at the same time sustained a sensible and +mortifying disappointment: for, in the afternoon, Mr. Grenville entered +the room, and in either hand one of the lovely girls I had seen, and who +were the primary cause of my accident. I attained the summit of my +wishes in again beholding my charmer; but when she was introduced under +the character of daughter to my host, my fond hopes were instantly +crushed. How could I be such a villain as to attempt the seduction of +the daughter of a man to whom I was bound by so many ties? This +reflection damped the joy which flushed in my face when I first saw her. +I paid my compliments to the fair sisters with an embarrassment in my +air not usual to a man of the world; but which, however, was not +perceptible to my innocent companions. They talked over my adventure, +and congratulated my recovery with so much good-nature as endeared them +both to me, at the same time that I inwardly cursed the charms that +enslaved me. Upon the whole, I do not know whether pain or pleasure was +predominant through the course of the day; but I found I loved her more +and more every moment. Uncertain what my resolves or intentions were, I +took my leave of them, and returned to my room with matter for +reflection sufficient to keep me waking the best part of the night. My +old tabby did not administer a sleeping potion to me, by the +conversation I had with her afterwards on the subject in debate. + +"Well, Sir," she asked, "how do you like my master's daughters?" "Not so +well as I should your daughter, I can tell you. What the devil did you +mean by your cursed long harangues about her beauty, when you knew all +the while she was not attainable?" "Why not? she is disengaged; is of a +family and rank in life to do any man credit; and you are enamoured of +her." "True; but I have no inclination to marry." + +"And you cannot hope to succeed on any other terms, even if you could +form the plan of dishonouring the daughter of a man of some consequence +in the world, and one who has shewn you such kindness!" + +"Your sagacity happens to be right in your conjecture." + +"But you would have had no scruples of conscience in your design on _my_ +daughter." + +"Not much, I confess; money well applied would have silenced the world, +and I should have left it to her and your prudence to have done the +rest." + +"And do you suppose, Sir," said she, "that the honour of my daughter is +not as valuable to me, because I am placed so much below you, as that of +the daughter of the first man in the world? Had this been my child, and, +by the various artifices you might have put in practice, you had +triumphed over her virtue, do you suppose, I say, a little paltry dross +would have been a recompence? No, sir, know me better than to believe +any worldly advantages would have silenced my wrongs. My child, thank +heaven, is virtuous, and far removed from the danger of meeting with +such as I am sorry to find you are; one, who would basely rob the poor +of the only privilege they possess, that of being innocent, while you +cowardly shrink at the idea of attacking a woman, who, in the eye of a +venal world, has a sufficient fortune to varnish over the loss of +reputation. I confess I knew not the depravity of your heart, till the +other day, I by accident heard part of a conversation between you and +your servant; before that, I freely own, though I thought you not so +strict in your morals as I hoped, yet I flattered myself your principles +were not corrupted, but imputed the warmth of your expressions to youth, +and a life unclouded by misfortune. I further own, I was delighted with +the impression which my young lady had made on you. I fancied your +passion disinterested, because you knew not her situation in life; but +now I know you too well to suffer her to entertain a partiality for one +whose sentiments are unworthy a man of honour, and who can never esteem +virtue though in her loveliest form." + +"Upon my soul! mother," cried I, (affecting an air of gaiety in my +manner, which was foreign to my heart, for I was cursedly chagrined), +"you have really a fine talent for preaching; why what a delectable +sermon have you delivered against _simple fornication_. But come, come, +we must not be enemies. I assure you, with the utmost sincerity, I am +not the sad dog you think me. I honour and revere virtue even in you, +who, you must be sensible, are rather too advanced in life for a Venus, +though I doubt not in your youth you made many a Welsh heart dance +without a harp. Come, I see you are not so angry as you were. Have a +little compassion on a poor young fellow, who cannot, if he wishes it, +run away from your frowns. I am tied by the leg, you know, my old girl. +But to tell you the serious truth, the cause of the air of +dissatisfaction which I wore, was, my apprehension of not having merit +to gain the only woman that ever made any impression on my heart; and +likewise my fears of your not being my friend, from the ludicrous manner +in which I had before treated this affair."--I added some more +prevailing arguments, and solemnly attested heaven to witness my +innocence of actual seduction, though I had, I confessed with blushes, +indulged in a few fashionable pleasures, which, though they might be +stiled crimes among the Welsh-mountains, were nothing in our world. In +short, I omitted nothing (as you will suppose by the lyes I already told +of my _innocence of actual seduction_, and such stuff--) that I thought +conducive to the conciliating her good opinion, or at least a better +than she seemed to have at present. + +When I argued the matter over in my own mind, I knew not on what to +determine. Reflection never agreed with me: I hate it confoundedly--It +brings with it a consumed long string of past transactions, that _bore_ +me to death, and is worse than a fit of the hypochondriac. I endeavored +to lose my disagreeable companion in the _arms_ of sleep; but the devil +a bit: the idea of the raptures I should taste in those of my lovely +Julia's, drove the drowsy God from my eye-lids--yet my pleasurable +sensations were damped by the enormous purchase I must in all +probability pay for such a delightful privilege: after examining the +business every way, I concluded it as I do most things which require +mature deliberation, left it to work its way in the best manner it +could, and making chance, the first link in the chain of causes, ruler +of my fate. + +I now saw my Julia daily, and the encrease of passion was the +consequence of every interview. You have often told me I was a fellow of +no speculation or thought: I presume to say, that in the point in +question, though you may conceive me running hand over head to +destruction, I have shewn a great deal of fore-thought; and that the +step I have taken is an infallible proof of it. Charming as both you and +I think the lady Betty's and lady Bridget's, and faith have found them +too, I believe neither you nor I ever intended to take any one of them +_for better, for worse;_ yet we have never made any resolution against +entering into the pale of matrimony. Now though I like a little +_badinage_, and sometimes something more, with a married woman--I would +much rather that my wife, like Caesar's, should not be suspected: where +then is it so likely to meet with a woman of real virtue as in the lap +of innocence? The women of our world marry, that they may have the +greater privilege for leading dissipated lives. Knowing them so well as +I do, I could have no chance of happiness with one of their class--and +yet one must one time or other "settle soberly and raise a brood."--And +why not now, while every artery beats rapidly, and nature is alive? + +However, it does not signify bringing this argument, or that, to justify +my procedure; I could not act otherwise than I have done. I was mad, +absolutely dying for her. By heaven! I never saw so many beauties under +one form. There is not a limb or feature which I have not adored in as +many different women; here, they are all assembled with the greatest +harmony: and yet she wants the polish of the world: a _je ne scai quoi_, +a _tout ensemble_, which nothing but mixing with people of fashion can +give: but, as she is extremely docile, I have hopes that she will not +disgrace the name of Stanley. + +Shall I whisper you a secret--but publish it not in the streets of +Askalon--I could almost wish my whole life had passed in the same +innocent tranquil manner it has now for several weeks. No tumultuous +thoughts, which, as they are too often excited by licentious excess, +must be lost and drowned in wine. No cursed qualms of conscience, which +will appall the most hardy of us, when nature sickens after the fatigue +of a debauch. Here all is peaceful, because all is innocent: and yet +what voluptuary can figure a higher joy than I at present experience in +the possession of the most lovely of her sex, who thinks it her duty to +contribute to my pleasure, and whose every thought I can read in her +expressive countenance? Oh! that I may ever see her with the same eyes I +do at this moment! Why cannot I renounce a world, the ways of which I +have seen and despise from my soul? What attachments have I to it, +guilty ones excepted? Ought I to continue them, when I have sworn--Oh! +Christ! what is come to me now? can a virtuous connexion with the sex +work miracles? but you cannot inform me--having never made such: and who +the devil can, till they marry--and then it is too late: the die is +cast. + +I hope you will thank me for making you my confidant--and, what is more, +writing you so enormous a long letter. Most likely I shall enhance your +obligation by continuing my correspondence, as I do not know when I +shall quit, what appears to me, my earthly paradise. Whether you will +congratulate me from your heart I know not, because you may possibly +imagine, from some virtuous emanations which have burst forth in the +course of this epistle, that you shall lose your old companion. No, no, +not quite so bad neither--though I am plaguy squeamish at present, a +little town air will set all to rights again, and I shall no doubt fall +into my old track with redoubled alacrity from this recess. So don't +despair, my old friend: you will always find me, + +Your lordship's devoted, + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER II. + + +TO THE SAME. + +What a restless discontented animal is man! Even in Paradise unblest. Do +you know I am, though surrounded with felicity, languishing for _sin and +sea-coal_ in your regions. I shall be vapoured to death if I stay here +much longer. Here is nothing to exercise the bright genius with which I +am endued: all one calm sunshine; + + "And days of peace do still succeed + To nights of calm repose." + +How unfit to charm a soul like mine! I, who love every thing that the +moderns call pleasure. I must be amongst you, and that presently. My +Julia, I am certain, will make no resistance to my will. Faith! she is +the wife for me. Mild, passive, duteous, and innocent: I may lead my +life just as I please; and she, dear creature! will have no idea but +that I am a very good husband! + + "And when I am weary of wandering all day, + To thee, my delight, in the evening I, come." + +I did intend, when first I began my correspondence with your lordship, +to have informed you of the whole process of this affair; but, upon my +soul, you must excuse me. From being idle, I am become perfectly +indolent;--besides, it is unfashionable to talk so much of one's wife. I +shall only say, I endeavoured, by all those little attentions which are +so easily assumed by us, to gain her affections,--and at the same time, +to make sure work, declared myself in form to her father. + +One day, when I could hobble about, I took occasion to say to Mr. +Grenville, that I was meditating a return for his civilities, which was +no other than running away with his daughter Julia: that, in the whole +course of my life, I had never seen a woman whom I thought so capable of +making me happy; and that, were my proposals acceptable to him and her, +it would be my highest felicity to render her situation such. I saw the +old man was inwardly pleased.--In very polite terms he assured me, he +should have no objection to such an alliance, if Julia's heart made +none; that although, for very particular reasons, he had quarreled with +the world, he did not wish to seclude his children from partaking of its +pleasures. He owned, he thought Julia seemed to have an inclination to +see more of it than he had had an opportunity of shewing her; and that, +as he had for ever renounced it, there was no protector, after a father, +so proper as a husband. He then paid me some compliments, which perhaps, +had his acquaintance been of as long standing as yours and mine, he +might have thought rather above my desert: but he knows no more of me +than he has heard from me,--and the devil is in it, if a man won't speak +well of himself when he has an opportunity. + +It was some time before I could bring myself to the pious resolution of +marrying.--I was extremely desirous of practising a few manoeuvres +first, just to try the strength of the citadel;--but madam house-keeper +would have blown me up. "You are in love with my master's daughter," +said she, one day, to me; "if you make honourable proposals, I have not +a doubt but they will be accepted;--if I find you endeavouring to gain +her heart in a clandestine manner,--remember you are in my power. My +faithful services in this family have given me some influence, and I +will certainly use it for their advantage. The best and loveliest of her +sex shall not be left a prey to the artful insinuating practices of a +man too well versed in the science of deceit. Marry her; she will do you +honour in this world, and by her virtues ensure your happiness in the +next." + +I took the old matron's advice, as it so perfectly accorded with my own +wishes. The gentle Julia made no objection.--Vanity apart, I certainly +have some attractions; especially in the eyes of an innocent young +creature, who yet never saw a reasonable being besides her father; and +who had likewise a secret inclination to know a little how things go in +the world. I shall very soon gratify her wish, by taking her to +London.--I am sick to death of the constant _routine_ of circumstances +here--_the same to-day, to-morrow, and forever_. Your mere good kind of +people are really very insipid sort of folks; and as such totally +unsuited to my taste. I shall therefore leave them to their pious +meditations in a short time, and whirl my little Julia into the giddy +circle, where alone true joy is to be met with. + +I shall not invite her sister to accompany her; as I have an invincible +dislike to the idea of marrying a whole family. Besides, sisters +sometimes are more quick-sighted than wives: and I begin to think +(though from whence she has gained her knowledge I know not, I hope +honestly!) that Louisa is mistress of more penetration than my +_rib_.--She is more serious, consequently more observing and attentive. + +Sylph is fixed on.--Our _suite_ will be a Welsh _fille de chambre_, +yclep'd Winifred, and an old male domestick, who at present acts in +capacity of groom to me, and who I foresee will soon be the butt of my +whole house;--as he is chiefly composed of Welsh materials, I conclude +we shall have fine work with him among our _beaux d'esprits_ of the +motley tribe.--I shall leave Taffy to work his way as he can. Let every +one fight their own battles I say.--I hate to interfere in any kind of +business. I burn with impatience to greet you and the rest of your +confederates. Assure them of my best wishes.--I was going to say +services,--but alas! I am not my own master! I am married. After that, +may I venture to conclude myself your's? + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER III. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +How strange does it seem, my dearest Louisa, to address you at this +distance! What is it that has supported me through this long journey, +and given me strength to combat with all the softer feelings; to quit a +respectable parent and a beloved sister; to leave such dear and tender +relations, and accompany a man to whom four months since I was wholly a +stranger! I am a wretched reasoner at best.--I am therefore at a loss to +unravel this mystery. It is true, it became my duty to follow my +husband; but that a duty so newly entered into should supersede all +others is certainly strange. You will say, you wonder these thoughts did +not arise sooner;--they did, my dear; but the continual agitation of my +spirits since I married, prevented my paying any attention to them. +Perhaps, those who have been accustomed to the bustles of the world +would laugh at my talking of the agitation of spirits in the course of +an affair which was carried on with the most methodical exactness; but +then it is their being accustomed to bustles, which could insure their +composure on such an important occasion. I am young and +inexperienced--and what is worst of all, a perfect stranger to the +disposition of Sir William. He may be a very good sort of man; yet he +may have some faults, which are at present unknown to me.--I am +resolved, however, to be as indulgent to them as possible, should I +discover any.--And as for my own, I will strive to conceal them, under +an implicit obedience to his will and pleasure. + +As to giving you an account of this hurrying place, it is totally out of +my power. I made Sir William laugh very heartily several times at my +ignorance. We came into town at a place called Piccadilly, where there +was such a croud of carriages of all sorts, that I was perfectly +astonished, and absolutely frightened. I begged Sir William would order +the drivers to stop till they were gone by.--This intreaty threw him +almost into a convulsion of laughter at my simplicity; but I was still +more amazed, when he told me, they would continue driving with the same +vehemence all night. For my part, I could not hear my own voice for the +continual rattle of coaches, &c.--I still could not help thinking it +must be some particular rejoicing day, from the immense concourse of +people I saw rushing from all quarters;--and yet Sir William assured me +the town was very empty. "Mercy defend us!" cried Winifred, when I +informed her what her master had said, "what a place must it be when it +is full, for the people have not room to walk as it is!" I cautioned +Win, to discover her ignorance as little as possible;--but I doubt both +mistress and maid will be subjects of mirth for some time to come. + +I have not yet seen any thing, as there is a ceremony to be observed +among people of rank in this place. No married lady can appear in public +till she has been properly introduced to their majesties. Alas! what +will become of me upon an occasion so singular!--Sir William has been so +obliging as to bespeak the protection of a lady, who is perfect mistress +of the _etiquettes_ of courts. She will pay me a visit previous to my +introduction; and under her tuition, I am told, I have nothing to fear. +All my hopes are, that I may acquit myself so as to gain the approbation +of my husband. Husband! what a sound has that, when pronounced by a girl +barely seventeen,--and one whose knowledge of the world is merely +speculative;--one, who, born and bred in obscurity, is equally +unacquainted with men and manners.--I have often revolved in my mind +what could be the inducement of my father's total seclusion from the +world; for what little hints I (and you, whose penetration is deeper +than mine) could gather, have only served to convince us, he must have +been extremely ill treated by it, to have been constrained to make a vow +never again to enter into it,--and in my mind the very forming of a vow +looks as if he had loved it to excess, and therefore made his retreat +from it more solemn than a bare resolution, lest he might, from a change +of circumstances or sentiments, again be seduced by its attractions, and +by which he had suffered so much. + +Do you know, I have formed the wish of knowing some of those incidents +in his history which have governed his actions? will you, my dear +Louisa, hint this to him? He may, by such a communication, be very +serviceable to me, who am such a novice. + +I foresee I shall stand in need of instructors; otherwise I shall make +but an indifferent figure in the drama. Every thing, and every body, +makes an appearance so widely opposite to my former notions, that I find +myself every moment at a loss, and know not to whom to apply for +information. I am apprehensive I shall tire Sir William to death with my +interrogatories; besides, he gave me much such a hint as I gave Win, not +to betray my ignorance to every person I met with; and yet, without +asking questions, I shall never attain the knowledge of some things +which to me appear extremely singular. The ideas I possessed while among +the mountains seem intirely useless to me here. Nay, I begin to think, I +might as well have learnt nothing; and that the time and expence which +were bestowed on my education were all lost, since I even do not know +how to walk a minuet properly. Would you believe it? Sir William has +engaged a dancing-master to put me into a genteel and polite method of +acquitting myself with propriety on the important circumstance of moving +about a room gracefully. Shall I own I felt myself mortified when he +made the proposition? I could even have shed tears at the humiliating +figure I made in my own eyes; however, I had resolution to overcome such +an appearance of weakness, and turned it off with a smile, saying, "I +thought I had not stood in need of any accomplishments, since I had had +sufficient to gain his affections." I believe he saw I was hurt, and +therefore took some pains to re-assure me. He told me, "that though my +person was faultless, yet, from my seclusion from it, I wanted an air of +the world. He himself saw nothing but perfection in me; but he wished +those, who were not blinded by passion, should think me not only the +most beautiful, but likewise the most polished woman at court." Is there +not a little vanity in this, Louisa? But Sir William is, I find, a man +of the world; and it is my duty to comply with every thing he judges +proper, to make me what he chuses. + +Monsieur Fierville pays me great compliments. "Who is he?" you will ask. +Why my dancing-master, my dear. I am likewise to take some lessons on +the harpsichord, as Sir William finds great fault with my fingering, and +thinks I want taste in singing. I always looked on taste as genuine and +inherent to ourselves; but here, taste is to be acquired; and what is +infinitely more astonishing still, it is variable. So, though I may +dance and sing in taste now, a few months hence I may have another +method to learn, which will be the taste then. It is a fine time for +teachers, when scholars are never taught. We used to think, to be made +perfect mistress of any thing was sufficient; but in this world it is +very different; you have a fresh lesson to learn every winter. As a +proof, they had last winter one of the first singers in the world at the +opera-house; this winter they had one who surpassed her. This assertion +you and I should think nonsense, since, according to our ideas, nothing +can exceed perfection: the next who comes over will be superior to all +others that ever arrived. The reason is, every one has a different mode +of singing; a taste of their own, which by arbitrary custom is for that +cause to be the taste of the whole town. These things appear +incomprehensible to me; but I suppose use will reconcile me to them, as +it does others, by whom they must once have been thought strange. + +I think I can discover Sir William Stanley has great pride, that is, he +is a slave to fashion. He is ambitious of being a leading man. His +house, his equipage, and wife--in short, every thing which belongs to +him must be admired; and I can see, he is not a little flattered when +they meet with approbation, although from persons of whose taste and +knowledge of life he has not the most exalted idea. + +It would look very ungrateful in me, if I was to make any complaints +against my situation; and yet would it not be more so to my father and +you, if I was not to say, I was happier whilst with you? I certainly +was. I will do Sir William the justice to say, he contributed to make my +last two months residence very pleasant. He was the first lover I ever +had, at least the first that ever told me he loved. The distinction he +paid me certainly made some impression on my heart. Every female has a +little vanity; but I must enlarge my stock before I can have a proper +confidence in myself in this place. + +My singing-master has just been announced. He is a very great man in his +way, so I must not make him wait; besides, my letter is already a pretty +reasonable length. Adieu, my dearest sister! say every thing duteous +and affectionate for me to my father; and tell yourself that I am ever +your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IV. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Dear JACK, + +I was yesterday introduced to the loveliest woman in the universe; +Stanley's wife. Yes, that happy dog is still the favourite of Fortune. +How does he triumph over me on every occasion! If he had a soul of +worth, what a treasure would he possess in such an angel! but he will +soon grow tired even of her. What immense pains did he take to supplant +me in the affections of Lucy Gardner, though he has since sworn to you +and many others he proposed no other advantage to himself than rivaling +me, and conquering her prejudices in my favour. He thinks I have forgot +all this, because I did not call him to an account for his ungenerous +conduct, and because I still style him my friend; but let him have a +care; my revenge only slept till a proper opportunity called it forth. +As to retaliating, by endeavouring to obtain any of his mistresses, that +was too trivial a satisfaction for me, as he is too phlegmatic to be +hurt by such an attempt. I flatter myself, I shall find an opening by +and by, to convince him I have neither forgotten the injury, or am of a +temper to let slip an occasion of piercing his heart by a method +effectual and secure. Men, who delight to disturb the felicity of +others, are most tenacious of their own. And Stanley, who has allowed +himself such latitude of intrigue in other men's families, will very +sensibly feel any stain on his. But of this in future; let me return to +Lady Stanley. She is not a perfect beauty: which, if you are of my +taste, you will think rather an advantage than not; as there is +generally a formality in great regularity of features, and most times +an insipidity. In her there are neither. She is in one word _animated +nature_. Her height is proper, and excellently well proportioned; I +might say, exquisitely formed. Her figure is such, as at once creates +esteem, and gives birth to the tenderest desires. Stanley seemed to take +pleasure in my commendations. "I wanted you to see her, my Lord," said +he: "you are a man of taste. May I introduce Julia, without blushing +through apprehension of her disgracing me? You know my sentiments. I +must be applauded by the world; lovely as I yet think her, she would be +the object of my hate, and I should despise myself, if she is not +admired by the whole court; it is the only apology I can make to myself +for marrying at all." What a brute of a fellow it is! I suppose he must +be cuckolded by half the town, to be convinced his wife has charms. + +Lady Stanley is extremely observant of her husband at present, because +he is the only man who has paid her attention; but when she finds she is +the only woman who is distinguished by his indifference, which will soon +be the case, she will likewise see, and be grateful for, the assiduities +paid her by other men. One of the first of those I intend to be. I shall +not let you into the plan of operations at present; besides, it is +impossible, till I know more of my ground, to mark out any scheme. +Chance often performs that for us, which the most judicious reflection +cannot bring about; and I have the whole campaign before me. + +I think myself pretty well acquainted with the failings and weak parts +in Stanley; and you may assure yourself I shall avail myself of them. I +do not want penetration; and doubt not, from the free access which I +have gained in the family, but I shall soon be master of the ruling +passion of her ladyship. She is, as yet, a total stranger to the world; +her character is not yet established; she cannot know herself. She only +knows she is handsome; that secret, I presume, Nature has informed her +of. Her husband has confirmed it, and she liked him because she found in +him a coincidence of opinion. But all that rapturous nonsense will, and +must soon, have an end. As to the beauties of mind, he has no more idea +of them, than we have of a sixth sense; what he knows not, he cannot +admire. She will soon find herself neglected; but at the same time she +will find the loss of a husband's praises amply supplied by the +_devoirs_ of a hundred, all equal, and many superior to him. At first, +she may be uneasy; but repeated flattery will soon console her; and the +man who can touch her heart, needs fear nothing. Every thing else, as +Lord Chesterfield justly observes, will then follow of course. By which +assertion, whatever the world may think, he certainly pays a great +compliment to the fair sex. Men may be rendered vicious by a thousand +methods; but there is only one way to subdue women. + +Whom do you think he has introduced as _chaperons_ to his wife? Lady +Besford, and Lady Anne Parker. Do not you admire his choice? Oh! they +will be charming associates for her! But I have nothing to say against +it, as I think their counsels will further my schemes. Lady Besford +might not be so much amiss; but Lady Anne! think of her, with whom he is +belied if he has not had an affair. What madness! It is like him, +however. Let him then take the consequences of his folly; and such +clever fellows as you and I the advantage of them. Adieu, dear Jack! I +shall see you, I hope, as soon as you come to town. I shall want you in +a scheme I have in my head, but which I do not think proper to trust to +paper. Your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER V. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I have lost you, my Julia; and who shall supply your loss? How much am I +alone! and yet, if you are happy, I must and will be satisfied. I +should, however, be infinitely more so, if you had any companion to +guide your footsteps through the devious path of life: I wish you some +experienced director. Have you not yet made an acquaintance which may be +useful to you? Though you are prevented appearing in public, yet I think +it should have been Sir William's first care to provide you with some +agreeable sensible female friend one who may love you as well as your +Louisa, and may, by having lived in the world, have it more in her power +to be of service to you. + +My father misses you as much as I do: I will not repeat all he says, +lest you should think he repents of his complying with Sir William's +importunity. Write to us very often, and tell us you are happy; that +will be the only consolation we can receive in your absence. Oh, this +vow! It binds my father to this spot. Not that I wish to enter into the +world. I doubt faithlessness and insincerity are very prevalent there, +since they could find their way among our mountains. But let me not +overcloud your sunshine. I was, you know, always of a serious turn. May +no accident make you so, since your natural disposition is chearfulness +itself! + +I read your letter to my father; he seemed pleased at your wish of being +acquainted with the incidents of his life: he will enter on the task +very soon. There is nothing, he says, which can, from the nature of +things, be a guide to you in your passage through the world, any farther +than not placing too much confidence in the prospect of felicity, with +which you see yourself surrounded; but always to keep in mind, we are +but in a state of probation here, and consequently but for a short time: +that, as our happiness is liable to change, we ought not to prize the +possession so much as to render ourselves miserable when that change +comes; neither, when we are oppressed with the rod of affliction, should +we sink into despair, as we are certain our woe, like ourselves, is +mortal. Receive the blessing of our only parent, joined with the +affectionate love of a tender sister. Adieu! + +LOUISA GRENVILLE + + + + +LETTER VI. + + +To JAMES SPENCER, Esq. + +It is high time, my dear Spencer, to account to you for the whimsical +journey, as you called it, which your friend undertook so suddenly. I +meant not to keep that, or even my motives for it, a secret from you. +The esteem you have ever shewn me merited my most unlimited confidence. + +You said, you thought I must have some other view than merely to visit +the ruins of a paternal estate, lost to me by the extravagant folly of +my poor father. You said true; I had indeed some other view; but alas! +how blasted is that view! Long had my heart cherished the fondest +attachment for the loveliest and best of human beings, who inhabited the +mountains, which once my father owned. My fortune was too circumscribed +to disclose my flame; but I secretly indulged it, from the remote hope +of having it one day in my power to receive her hand without blushing at +my inferiority in point of wealth. These thoughts, these wishes, have +supported me through an absence of two years from my native land, and +all that made my native land dear to me. + +Her loved idea heightened every joy I received, and softened every care. +I knew I possessed her esteem; but I never, from the first of my +acquaintance, gave the least hint of what I felt for, or hoped from, +her. I should have thought myself base in the highest degree, to have +made an interest in her bosom, which I had nothing to support on my side +but the sanguine wishes of youth, that some turn of Fortune's wheel +might be in my favour. You know how amply, as well as unexpectedly, I am +now provided for by our dear Frederic's death. How severely have I felt +and mourned his loss! But he is happier than in any situation which our +friendship for him could have found. + +I could run any lengths in praising one so dear to me; but he was +equally so to you, and you are fully acquainted with my sentiments on +this head; besides, I have something more to the purpose at present to +communicate to you. + +All the satisfaction I ever expected from the acquisition of fortune +was, to share it with my love. Nothing but that hope and prospect could +have enabled me to sustain the death of my friend. In the bosom of my +Julia I fondly hoped to experience those calm delights which his loss +deprived me of for some time. Alas! that long-indulged hope is sunk in +despair! Oh! my Spencer! she's lost, lost to me for ever! Yet what right +had I to think she would not be seen, and, being seen, admired, loved, +and courted? But, from the singularity of her father's disposition, who +had vowed never to mix in the world;--a disappointment of the tenderest +kind which her elder sister had met with, and the almost monastic +seclusion from society in which she lived, joined to her extreme youth, +being but seventeen the day I left you in London: all these +circumstances, I say, concurred once to authorize my fond hopes,--and +these hopes have nursed my despair. Oh! I knew not how much I loved her, +till I saw her snatched from me for ever. A few months sooner, and I +might have pleaded some merit with the lovely maid from my long and +unremitted attachment. My passion was interwoven with my +existence,--with that it grew, and with that only will expire. + + "My dear-lov'd Julia! from my youth began + The tender flame, and ripen'd in the man; + + My dear-lov'd Julia! to my latest age, + No other vows shall e'er my heart engage." + +Full of the fond ideas which seemed a part of myself, I flew down to +Woodley-vale, to reap the long-expected harvest of my hopes.--Good God! +what was the fatal news I learnt on my arrival! Alas! she knew not of my +love and constancy;--she had a few weeks before given her hand, and no +doubt her heart, to Sir William Stanley, with whom an accident had +brought her acquainted. I will not enlarge upon what were my feelings on +this occasion.--Words would be too faint a vehicle to express the +anguish of my soul. You, who know the tenderness of my disposition, must +judge for me. + +Yesterday I saw the dear angel, from the inn from whence I am writing; +she and her happy husband stopped here for fresh horses. I had a full +view of her beauteous face. Ah! how much has two years improved each +charm in her lovely person! lovely and charming, but not for me. I kept +myself concealed from her--I could hardly support the sight of her at a +distance; my emotions were more violent than you can conceive. Her dress +became her the best in the world; a riding habit of stone-coloured +cloth, lined with rose-colour, and frogs of the same--the collar of her +shirt was open at the neck, and discovered her lovely ivory throat. Her +hair was in a little disorder, which, with her hat, served to contribute +to, and heighten, the almost irresistible charms of her features. There +was a pensiveness in her manner, which rendered her figure more +interesting and touching than usual. I thought I discovered the traces +of a tear on her cheek. She had just parted with her father and sister; +and, had she shewn less concern, I should not have been so satisfied +with her. I gazed till my eye-balls ached; but, when the chaise drove +from the door--oh! what then became of me! "She's gone! she's gone!" I +exclaimed aloud, wringing my hands, "and never knew how much I loved +her!" I was almost in a state of madness for some hours--at last, my +storm of grief and despair a little subsided, and I, by degrees, became +calm and more resigned to my ill fate. I took the resolution, which I +shall put in execution as soon as possible, to leave England. I will +retire to the remaining part of my Frederic's family--and, in their +friendship, seek to forget the pangs which an habitual tenderness has +brought upon me. + +You, who are at ease, may have it in your power to convey some small +satisfaction to my wounded breast. But why do I say _small +satisfaction_? To me it will be the highest to hear that my Julia is +happy. Do you then, my dear Spencer, enquire, among your acquaintance, +the character of this Sir William Stanley. His figure is genteel, nay, +rather handsome; yet he does not look the man I could wish for her. I +did not discover that look of tenderness, that soft impassioned glance, +which virtuous love excites; but you will not expect a favourable +picture from a rival's pen. + +I mentioned a disappointment which the sister of my Julia had sustained: +it was just before I left England. While on a visit at Abergavenny, she +became acquainted with a young gentleman of fortune, who, after taking +some pains to render himself agreeable, had the satisfaction of gaining +the affections of one of the most amiable girls in the world. She is all +that a woman can be, except being my Julia. Louisa was at that time +extremely attached to a lady in the same house with her, who was by no +means a favourite with her lover. They used frequently to have little +arguments concerning her. He would not allow her any merit. Louisa +fancied she saw her own image reflected in the bosom of her friend. She +is warm in her attachments. Her zeal for her friend at last awakened a +curiosity in her lover, to view her with more scrutiny. He had been +accustomed to pay an implicit obedience to Louisa's opinion; he fancied +he was still acquiescing only in that opinion when he began to discover +she was handsome, and to find some farther beauties which Louisa had not +painted in so favourable a light as he now saw them. In short, what at +first was only a compliment to his mistress, now seemed the due of the +other. He thought Louisa had hardly done her justice; and in seeking to +repair that fault, he injured the woman who doated on him. Love, which +in some cases is blind, is in others extremely quick-sighted. Louisa saw +a change in his behaviour--a studied civility--an apprehension of not +appearing sufficiently assiduous--frequent expressions of fearing to +offend--and all those mean arts and subterfuges which a man uses, who +wants to put in a woman's power to break with him, that he may basely +shelter himself behind, what he styles, her cruelty. Wounded to the soul +with the duplicity of his conduct, she, one day, insisted on knowing the +motives which induced him to act in so disingenuous a manner by her. At +first his answers were evasive; but she peremptorily urged an explicit +satisfaction. She told him, the most unfavourable certainty would be +happiness to what she now felt, and that _certainty_ she now called on +him in justice to grant her. He then began by palliating the fatal +inconstancy of his affections, by the encomiums which she had bestowed +on her friend; that his love for her had induced him to love those dear +to her; and some unhappy circumstances had arisen, which had bound him +to her friend, beyond his power or inclination to break through. This +disappointment, in so early a part of Louisa's life, has given a +tenderness to her whole frame, which is of advantage to most women, and +her in particular. She has, I question not, long since beheld this +unworthy wretch in the light he truly deserved; yet, no doubt, it was +not till she had suffered many pangs. The heart will not recover its +usual tone in a short time, that has long been racked with the agonies +of love; and even when we fancy ourselves quite recovered, there is an +aching void, which still reminds us of former anguish. + +I shall not be in town these ten days at least, as I find I can be +serviceable to a poor man in this neighbourhood, whom I believe to be an +object worthy attention. Write me, therefore, what intelligence you can +obtain; and scruple not to communicate the result of your inquiry to me +speedily. Her happiness is the wish next my heart. Oh! may it be as +exalted and as permanent as I wish it! I will not say any thing to you; +you well know how dear you are to the bosom of your + +HENRY WOODLEY. + + + + +LETTER VII. + + +TO HENRY WOODLEY, Esq. + +No, my dear Harry, I can never consent to your burying yourself abroad; +but I will not say all I could on that subject till we meet. I think, I +shall then be able to offer you some very powerful reasons, that you +will esteem sufficient to induce you to remain in your native land.--I +have a scheme in my head, but which I shall not communicate at present. + +Sir William Stanley is quite a man of fashion.--Do you know enough of +the world to understand all that title comprehends? If you do, you will +sincerely regret your Julia is married to _a man of fashion_. His +passions are the rule and guide of his actions. To what mischiefs is a +young creature exposed in this town, circumstanced as Lady Stanley +is--without a friend or relation with her to point out the artful and +designing wretch, who means to make a prey of her innocence and +inexperience of life! + +The most unsafe and critical situation for a woman, is to be young, +handsome, and married to a man of fashion; these are thought to be +lawful prey to the specious of our sex. As a man of fashion, Sir William +Stanley would blush to be found too attentive to his wife;--he will +leave her to seek what companions chance may throw in her way, while he +is associating with rakes of quality, and glorying in those scenes in +which to be discovered he should really blush. I am told he is fond of +deep play--attaches himself to women of bad character, and seeks to +establish an opinion, that he is quite the _ton_ in every thing. I +tremble for your Julia.--Her beauty, if she had no other merit, making +her fashionable, will induce some of those wretches, who are ever upon +the watch to ensnare the innocent, to practice their diabolical +artifices to poison her mind. She will soon see herself neglected by her +husband,--and that will be the signal for them to begin their +attack.--She is totally unhackneyed in the ways of men, and consequently +can form no idea of the extreme depravity of their hearts. May the +innate virtue of her mind be her guide and support!--but to escape with +honour and reputation will be a difficult task. I must see you, Harry. I +have something in my mind. I have seen more of the world than you +have.--For a whole year I was witness of the disorder of this great +town, and, with blushes I write, have too frequently joined in some of +its extravagances and follies; but, thank heaven! my eyes were opened +before my morals became corrupt, or my fortune and constitution +impaired.--Your virtue and my Frederic's confirmed me in the road I was +then desirous of pursuing,--and I am now convinced I shall never deviate +from the path of rectitude. + +I expect you in town with all the impatience of a friend zealous for +your happiness and advantage: but I wish not to interfere with any +charitable or virtuous employment.--When you have finished your affairs, +remember your faithful + +J. SPENCER. + + + + +LETTER VIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Surrounded with mantua-makers, milliners, and hair-dressers, I blush to +say I have hardly time to bestow on my dear Louisa. What a continual +bustle do I live in, without having literally any thing to do! All these +wonderful preparations are making for my appearance at court; and, in +consequence of that, my visiting all the places of public amusement. I +foresee my head will be turned with this whirl of folly, I am inclined +to call it, in contradiction to the opinion of mankind.--If the people I +am among are of any character at all, I may comprise it in few words: to +me they seem to be running about all the morning, and throwing away +time, in concerting measures to throw away more in the evening. Then, as +to dress, to give an idea of that, I must reverse the line of an old +song. + +"What was our _shame_, is now our _pride_." + +I have had a thousand patterns of silks brought me to make choice, and +such colours as yet never appeared in a rainbow. A very elegant man, one +of Sir William's friends I thought, was introduced to me the other +morning.--I was preparing to receive him as a visitor; when taking out +his pocket-book, he begged I would do him the honour to inspect some of +the most fashionable patterns, and of the newest taste. He gave me a +list of their names as he laid them on the cuff of his coat. This you +perhaps will think unnecessary; and that, as colours affect the visual +orb the same in different people, I might have been capable of +distinguishing blue from red, and so on; but the case is quite +otherwise; there are no such colours now. "This your ladyship will find +extremely becoming,--it is _la cheveaux de la Regne_;--but the _colour +de puce_ is esteemed before it, and mixed with _d'Artois_, forms the +most elegant assemblage in the world; the _Pont sang_ is immensely rich; +but to suit your ladyship's complexion, I would rather recommend the +_feuile mort_, or _la noysette_." Fifty others, equally unintelligible, +he ran off with the utmost facility. I thought, however, so important a +point should be determined by wiser heads than mine;--therefore +requested him to leave them with me, as I expelled some ladies on whose +taste I had great reliance. As I cannot be supposed from the nature of +things to judge for myself with any propriety, I shall leave the choice +of my cloaths to Lady Besford and Lady Anne Parker, two ladies who have +visited me, and are to be my protectors in public. + +I was extremely shocked, when I sent for a mantua-maker, to find a man +was to perform that office. I even refused a long time to admit him near +me--and thinking myself perfectly safe that I should have him on my +side, appealed to Sir William. He laughed at my ridiculous scruples, as +he called them, and farther told me, "custom justified every thing; +nothing was indecent or otherwise, but as it was the _ton_." I was +silent, but neither satisfied or pleased,--and submitted, I believe, +with but an ill grace. + +Lady Besford was so extremely polite to interest herself in every thing +concerning my making a fashionable appearance, and procured for me a +French frizeur of the last importation, who dressed hair to a miracle, +_au dernier gout_. I believe, Louisa, I must send you a dictionary of +polite phrases, or you will be much at a loss, notwithstanding you have +a pretty competent knowledge of the French tongue. I blush twenty times +a day at my own stupidity,--and then Sir William tells me, "it is so +immensely _bore_ to blush;" which makes me blush ten times more, because +I don't understand what he means by that expression, and I am afraid to +discover my ignorance; and he has not patience to explain every +ambiguous word he uses, but cries, shrugging up his shoulders, _ah! quel +savage_! and then composes his ruffled spirits by humming an Italian +air. + + * * * * * + +Well, but I must tell you what my dress was, in which I was presented. +My gown was a silver tissue, trimmed with silver net, and tied up with +roses, as large as life, I was going to say. Indeed it was very +beautiful, and so it ought, for it came to a most enormous sum. My +jewels are _magnifique_, and in immense quantities. Do you know, I could +not find out half their purposes, or what I should do with them; for +such things I never saw. What should poor Win and I have done by +ourselves?--Lady Besford talked of sending her woman to assist me in +dressing.--I told her I had a servant, to whom I had been accustomed for +a long time.--"Ah! for heaven's sake, my dear creature!" exclaimed my +husband, "don't mention the _tramontane_. She might do tolerably well +for the Welsh mountains, but she will cut a most _outre_ figure in the +_beau monde_. I beg you will accept of Lady Besford's polite offer, till +you can provide yourself with a _fille de chambre_, that knows on which +side her right hand hangs." Alas! poor Winifred Jones! Her mistress, I +doubt, has but few advantages over her. Lady Besford was lavish in the +encomiums of her woman, who had had the honour of being dresser to one +of the actresses many years. + +Yesterday morning the grand task of my decoration was to commence. Ah! +good Lord! I can hardly recollect particulars.--I am morally convinced +my father would have been looking for his Julia, had he seen me;--and +would have spent much time before he discovered me in the midst of +feathers, flowers, and a thousand gew-gaws beside, too many to +enumerate. I will, if I can, describe my head for your edification, as +it appeared to me when Monsieur permitted me to view myself in the +glass. I was absolutely ready to run from it with fright, like poor +Acteon when he had suffered the displeasure of Diana; and, like him, was +in danger of running my new-acquired ornaments against every thing in my +way. + +Monsieur alighted from his chariot about eleven o'clock, and was +immediately announced by Griffith, who, poor soul! stared as if he +thought him one of the finest men in the world. He was attended by a +servant, who brought in two very large caravan boxes, and a number of +other things. Monsieur then prepared to begin his operations.--Sir +William was at that time in my dressing-room. He begged, for God's sake! +"that Monsieur would be so kind as to exert his abilities, as every +thing depended on the just impression my figure made."--Monsieur bowed +and shrugged, just like an overgrown monkey. In a moment I was +overwhelmed with a cloud of powder. "What are you doing? I do not mean +to be powdered," I said. "Not powdered!" repeated Sir William; "why you +would not be so barbarous as to appear without--it positively is not +decent." + +"I thought," answered I, "you used to admire the colour of my hair--how +often have you praised its glossy hue! and called me your _nut-brown +maid!_" + +"Pho! pho!" said he, blushing, perhaps lest he should be suspected of +tenderness, as that is very vulgar, "I can bear to see a woman without +powder in summer; but now the case is otherwise. Monsieur knows what he +is about. Don't interrupt or dictate to him. I am going to dress. Adieu, +_ma charmante!_" + +With a determination of being passive, I sat down under his +hands--often, I confess, wondering what kind of being I should be in my +metamorphosis,--and rather impatient of the length of time, to say +nothing of the pain I felt under the pulling and frizing, and rubbing in +the exquisitely-scented _pomade de Venus._ At length the words, "_vous +etes finis, madame, au dernier gout,"_ were pronounced; and I rose with +precaution, lest I should discompose my new-built fabrick, and to give a +glance at myself in the glass;--but where, or in what language, shall I +ever find words to express my astonishment at the figure which presented +itself to my eyes! what with curls, flowers, ribbands, feathers, lace, +jewels, fruit, and ten thousand other things, my head was at least from +one side to the other full half an ell wide, and from the lowest curl +that lay on my shoulder, up to the top, I am sure I am within compass, +if I say three quarters of a yard high; besides six enormous large +feathers, black, white, and pink, that reminded me of the plumes which +nodded on the immense casque in the castle of Otranto. "Good God!" I +exclaimed, "I can never bear this." The man assured me I was dressed +quite in taste. "Let me be dressed as I will," I answered, "I must and +will be altered. I would not thus expose myself, for the universe." +Saying which, I began pulling down some of the prodigious and monstrous +fabrick.--The _dresser of the actresses_ exclaimed loudly, and the +frizeur remonstrated. However, I was inflexible: but, to stop the +volubility of the Frenchman's tongue, I inquired how much I was indebted +to him for making me a monster. A mere trifle! Half a guinea the +dressing, and for the feathers, pins, wool, false curls, _chignion, +toque, pomades_, flowers, wax-fruit, ribband, _&c. &c. &c_. he believes +about four guineas would be the difference. I was almost petrified with +astonishment. When I recovered the power of utterance, I told him, "I +thought at least he should have informed me what he was about before he +ran me to so much expense; three-fourths of the things were useless, as +I would not by any means appear in them." "It was the same to him," he +said, "they were now my property. He had run the risk of disobliging the +Duchess of D----, by giving me the preference of the finest bundles of +radishes that had yet come over; but this it was to degrade himself by +dressing commoners. Lady Besford had intreated this favour from him; but +he must say, he had never been so ill-treated since his arrival in this +kingdom." In short, he flew out of the room in a great rage, leaving me +in the utmost disorder. I begged Mrs. Freeman (so her ladyship's woman +is called) to assist me a little in undoing what the impertinent +Frenchman had taken such immense pains to effect. I had sacrificed half +a bushel of trumpery, when Lady Besford was ushered into my +dressing-room. "Lord bless me! my dear Lady Stanley, what still +_dishabille_? I thought you had been ready, and waiting for me." I +began, by way of apology, to inform her ladyship of Monsieur's +insolence. She looked serious, and said, "I am sorry you offended him; I +fear he will represent you at her grace's _ruelle_, and you will be the +jest of the whole court. Indeed, this is a sad affair. He is the first +man in his walk of life." "And if he was the last," I rejoined, "it +would be the better; however, I beg your ladyship's pardon for not being +ready. I shall not detain you many minutes." + +My dear Louisa, you will laugh when I tell you, that poor Winifred, who +was reduced to be my gentlewoman's gentlewoman, broke two laces in +endeavouring to draw my new French stays close. You know I am naturally +small at bottom. But now you might literally span me. You never saw such +a doll. Then, they are so intolerably wide across the breast, that my +arms are absolutely sore with them; and my sides so pinched!--But it is +the _ton_; and pride feels no pain. It is with these sentiments the +ladies of the present age heal their wounds; to be admired, is a +sufficient balsam. + +Sir William had met with the affronted Frenchman, and, like Lady +Besford, was full of apprehensions lest he should expose me; for my +part, I was glad to be from under his hands at any rate; and feared +nothing when he was gone; only still vexed at the strange figure I made. +My husband freely condemned my behaviour as extremely absurd; and, on my +saying I would have something to cover, or at least shade, my neck, for +that I thought it hardly decent to have that intirely bare, while one's +head was loaded with superfluities; he exclaimed to Lady Besford, +clapping his hands together, "Oh! God! this ridiculous girl will be an +eternal disgrace to me!" I thought this speech very cutting. I could not +restrain a tear from starting. "I hope not, Sir William," said I; "but, +lest I should, I will stay at home till I have properly learnt to submit +to insult and absurdity without emotion." My manner made him ashamed; he +took my hand, and, kissing it, begged my pardon, and added, "My dear +creature, I want you to be admired by the whole world; and, in +compliance with the taste of the world, we must submit to some things, +which, from their novelty, we may think absurd; but use will reconcile +them to you." Lady Besford encouraged me; and I was prevailed on to go, +though very much out of spirits. I must break off here, for the present. +This letter has been the work of some days already. Adieu! + +IN CONTINUATION + +My apprehensions increased each moment that brought us near St. James's: +but there was nothing for it; so I endeavoured all in my power to argue +myself into a serenity of mind, and succeeded beyond my hopes. The +amiable condescension of their Majesties, however, contributed more than +any thing to compose my spirits, or, what I believe to be nearer the +true state of the case, I was absorbed in respect for them, and totally +forgot myself. They were so obliging as to pay Sir William some +compliments; and the King said, if all my countrywomen were like me, he +should be afraid to trust his son thither. I observed Sir William with +the utmost attention; I saw his eyes were on me the whole time; but, my +Louisa, I cannot flatter myself so far as to say they were the looks of +love; they seemed to me rather the eyes of scrutiny, which were on the +watch, yet afraid they should see something unpleasing. I longed to be +at home, to know from him how I had acquitted myself. To my question, he +answered, by pressing me to his bosom, crying, "Like an angel, by +heaven! Upon my soul, Julia, I never was so charmed with you in my +life." "And upon my honour," I returned, "I could not discover the least +symptom of tenderness in your regards. I dreaded all the while that you +was thinking I should disgrace you." + +"You was never more mistaken. I never had more reason to be proud of any +part of my family. The circle rang with your praises. But you must not +expect tenderness in public, my love; if you meet with it in private, +you will have no cause of complaint." + +This will give you but a strange idea of the world I am in, Louisa. I do +not above half like it, and think a ramble, arm in arm with you upon our +native mountains, worth it all. However, my lot is drawn; and, perhaps, +as times and husbands go, _I have no cause of complaint_. + +Your's most sincerely, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER IX. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My Dearest Child, + +The task you set your father is a heavy one; but I chearfully comply +with any request of my Julia's. However, before I enter upon it, let me +say a little to you: Are you happy, my child? Do you find the world such +as you thought it while it was unknown to you? Do the pleasures you +enjoy present you with an equivalent for your renunciation of a fond +father, and tender sister? Is their affection amply repaid by the love +of your husband? All these, and a thousand other equally important +questions, I long to put to my beloved. I wish to know the true state of +your heart. I then should be able to judge whether I ought to mourn or +rejoice in this separation from you. Believe me, Julia, I am not so +selfish to wish you here, merely to augment my narrow circle of +felicity, if you can convince me you are happier where you are. But can +all the bustle, the confusion you describe, be productive of happiness +to a young girl, born and educated in the lap of peaceful retirement? +The novelty may strike your mind; and, for a while, you may think +yourself happy, because you are amused, and have not time to define what +your reflections are: but in the sober hour, when stillness reigns, and +the soul unbends itself from the fatigues of the day; what judgment then +does cool reason form? Are you satisfied? Are your slumbers peaceful and +calm? Do you never sigh after the shades of Woodley, and your rural +friends? Answer these questions fairly and candidly, my Julia--prove to +me you are happy, and your heart as good and innocent as ever; and I +shall descend to the silent tomb with peaceful smiles. + +Perhaps the resolution I formed of retiring from a world in which I had +met with disgust, was too hastily concluded on. Be that as it may--it +was sacred, and as such I have, and will, keep it. I lost my confidence +in mankind; and I could find no one whose virtues could redeem it. Many +years have elapsed since; and the manners and customs change so +frequently, that I should be a total stranger among the inhabitants of +this present age. + +You have heard me say I was married before I had the happiness of being +united to _your_ amiable mother. I shall begin my narrative from the +commencement of that union; only premising, that I was the son of the +younger branch of a noble family, whose name I bear. I inherited the +blood, but very little more, of my ancestors. However, a taste for +pleasure, and an indulgence of some of the then fashionable follies, +which in all ages and all times are too prevalent, conspired to make my +little fortune still more contracted. Thus situated, I became acquainted +with a young lady of large fortune. My figure and address won her heart; +her person was agreeable and although I might not be what the world +calls in love, I certainly was attached to her. Knowing the inferiority +of my fortune, I could not presume to offer her my hand, even after I +was convinced she wished I should; but some circumstances arising, which +brought us more intimately acquainted, at length conquered my scruples; +and, without consulting any other guide than our passions, we married. +My finances were now extremely straitened; for although my wife was +heiress of upwards of thirty thousand pounds, yet, till she came of age, +I could reap no advantage of it; and to that period she wanted near four +years. We were both fond of pleasure, and foolishly lived as if we were +in actual possession of double that income. I found myself deeply +involved; but the time drew near that was to set all to rights; and I +had prevailed on my wife to consent to a retrenchment. We had formed a +plan of retiring for some time in the country, to look after her estate; +and, by way of taking a polite leave of our friends (or rather +acquaintance; for, when they were put to the test, I found them +undeserving of that appellation); by way, I say, of quitting the town +with _eclat_, my wife proposed giving an elegant entertainment on her +birth-day, which was on the twenty-fourth of December. Christmas-day +fell that year upon a Monday: unwilling to protract this day of joy till +the Tuesday, my wife desired to anticipate her natal festival, and +accordingly Saturday was appointed. She had set her heart on dancing in +the evening, and was extremely mortified on finding an extreme pain in +her ancle, which she attributed to a strain. It was so violent during +dinner-time, that she was constrained to leave the table. A lady, who +retired with her, told her, the surest remedy for a strain, was to +plunge the leg in cold water, and would procure instant relief. +Impatient of the disappointment and anguish, she too fatally consented. +I knew nothing of what was doing in my wife's dressing-room, till my +attention was roused by repeated cries. Terribly alarmed--I flew +thither, and found her in the agonies of death. Good God! what was my +distraction at that moment! I then recollected what she had often told +me, of all her family being subject to the gout at a very early age. +Every medical assistance was procured--with all speed. The physician, +however, gave but small hopes, unless the disorder could be removed from +her head and stomach, which it had attacked with the greatest violence. +How was all our mirth in one sad moment overthrown! The day, which had +risen with smiles, now promised to set in tears. In the few lucid +intervals which my unhappy wife could be said to have, she instantly +prayed to live till she could secure her fortune to my life; which could +be done no other way than making her will; since, having had no +children, the estate, should she die before she came of age--or even +then, without a bequest--would devolve upon a cousin, with whose family +we had preserved no intimacy, owing to the illiberal reflections part of +them had cast on my wife, for marrying a man without an answerable +fortune. My being allied to a noble family was no recommendation to +those who had acquired their wealth by trade, and were possessed of the +most sordid principles. I would not listen to the persuasion of my +friends, who urged me to get writings executed, to which my wife might +set her hand: such measures appeared to me both selfish and cruel; or, +rather, my mind was too much absorbed in my present affliction, to pay +any attention to my future security. + +In her greatest agonies and most severe paroxysms, she knew and +acknowledged her obligations to me, for the unremitted kindness I had +shewn her during our union. "Oh! my God!" she would exclaim, "Oh! my +God! let me but live to reward him! I ask not length of years--though in +the bloom of life, I submit with chearful resignation to thy will. My +God! I ask not length of days; I only petition for a few short hours of +sense and recollection, that I may, by the disposition of my affairs, +remove all other distress from the bosom of my beloved husband, save +what he will feel on this separation." + +Dear soul! she prayed in vain. Nay, I doubt her apprehension and +terrors, lest she should die, encreased the agonies of her body and +mind. + +Unknown to me, a gentleman, by the request of my dying wife, drew up a +deed; the paper lay on the bed: she meant to sign it as soon as the +clock struck twelve. Till within a few minutes of that time, she +continued tolerably calm, and her head perfectly clear; she flattered +herself, and endeavoured to convince us, she would recover--but, alas! +this was only a little gleam of hope, to sink us deeper in despair. Her +pain returned with redoubled violence from this short recess; and her +senses never again resumed their seat. She suffered the most +excruciating agonies till two in the morning--then winged her flight to +heaven--leaving me the most forlorn and disconsolate of men. + +I continued in a state of stupefaction for several days, till my friends +rouzed me, by asking what course I meant to pursue. I had the whole +world before me, and saw myself, as it were, totally detached from any +part of it. My own relations I had disobliged, by marrying the daughter +of a tradesman. They were, no doubt, glad of an excuse, to rid +themselves of an indigent person, who might reflect dishonour on their +nobility--of them I had no hopes. I had as little probability of success +in my application to the friends of my late wife; yet I thought, in +justice, they should not refuse to make me some allowances for the +expenses our manner of living had brought on me--as they well knew they +were occasioned by my compliance with her taste--at least so far as to +discharge some of my debts. + +I waited on Mr. Maynard, the father of the lady who now possessed the +estate, to lay before him the situation of my affairs. He would hardly +hear me out with patience. He upbraided me with stealing an heiress; and +with meanly taking every method of obliging a dying woman to injure her +relations. In short, his behaviour was rude, unmanly, and indecent. I +scorned to hold converse with so sordid a wretch, and was leaving his +house with the utmost displeasure, when his daughter slipped out of the +room. She begged me, with many tears, not to impute "her father's +incivility to her--wished the time was come when she should be her own +mistress; but hoped she should be able to bring her father to some terms +of accommodation; and assured me, she would use all her influence with +him to induce him to do me justice." + +Her influence over the mind of such a man as her father had like to have +little weight--as it proved. She used all her eloquence in my favour, +which only served to instigate him against me. He sent a very rude and +abrupt message to me, to deliver up several articles of household +furniture, and other things, which had belonged to my wife; which, +however, I refused to do, unless I was honoured with the order of Miss +Maynard. Her father could not prevail on her to make the requisition; +and, enraged at my insolence, and her obstinacy, as he politely styled +our behaviour, he swore he would be revenged. In order to make his words +good, he went severally to each of the trades-people to whom I was +indebted, and, collecting the sums, prevailed on them to make over the +debts to him; thereby becoming the sole creditor; and how merciful I +should find him, I leave you to judge, from the motive by which he +acted. + +In a few days there was an execution in my house, and I was conveyed to +the King's-Bench. At first I took the resolution of continuing there +contentedly, till either my cruel creditor should relent, or that an act +of grace should take place. A prison, however, is dreadful to a free +mind; and I solicited those, who had, in the days of my prosperity, +professed a friendship for me: some few afforded me a temporary relief, +but dealt with a scanty hand; others disclaimed me--none would bail me, +or undertake my cause: many, who had contributed to my extravagance, now +condemned me for launching into expences beyond my income; and those, +who refused their assistance, thought they had a right to censure my +conduct. Thus did I find myself deserted and neglected by the whole +world; and was early taught, how little dependence we ought to place on +the goods of it. + +When I had been an inmate of the house of bondage some few weeks, I +received a note from Miss Maynard. She deplored, in the most pathetic +terms, "the steps her father had taken, which she had never discovered +till that morning; and intreated my acceptance of a trifle, to render my +confinement less intolerable; and if I could devise any methods, wherein +she could be serviceable, she should think herself most happy." There +was such a delicacy and nobleness of soul ran through the whole of this +little _billet_, as, at the same time that it shewed the writer in the +most amiable light, gave birth to the liveliest gratitude in my bosom. I +had, till this moment, considered her only as the daughter of Mr. +Maynard; as one, whose mind was informed by the same principles as his +own. I now beheld her in another view; I looked on her only in her +relation to my late wife, whose virtues she inherited with her fortune. +I felt a veneration for the generosity of a young girl, who, from the +narrow sentiments of her father, could not be mistress of any large sum; +and yet she had, in the politest manner (making it a favour done to +herself), obliged me to accept of a twenty-pound-note. I had a thousand +conflicts with myself, whether I should keep or return it; nothing but +my fear of giving her pain could have decided it. I recollected the +tears she shed the last time I saw her: on reading over her note again, +I discovered the paper blistered in several places; to all this, let me +add, her image seemed to stand confessed before me. Her person, which I +had hardly ever thought about, now was present to my imagination. It +lost nothing by never having been the subject of my attention before. I +sat ruminating on the picture I had been drawing in my mind, till, +becoming perfectly enthusiastic in my ideas, I started up, and, clasping +my hands together,--"Why," exclaimed I aloud, "why have I not twenty +thousand pounds to bestow on this adorable creature!" The sound of my +voice brought me to myself, and I instantly recollected I ought to make +some acknowledgment to my fair benefactress. I found the task a +difficult one. After writing and rejecting several, I at last was +resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less +studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After +saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her +society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this +world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate +man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own +discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few +books--the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their +strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have +done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I +might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to +engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than +basely to practice on her passions. + +In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what +would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my +dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king +in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of +my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over +that expression--_the activity of my disposition_; she drew in her +imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour +of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by +the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this +melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the +object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing +her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying +his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she +told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no +pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who +had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and +that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make +every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent, +injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He +reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by +me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take +care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such +a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate +any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to +exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he +paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to +all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard, +intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil +destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support +confinement, or any other ill; but that it was an aggravation to my +sufferings (which to sustain was very difficult) to find her zeal for +me had drawn on her the ill-usage of her father. I further requested, +she would never again mention me to him; and if possible, never think of +me if those thoughts were productive of the least disquiet to her. I +likewise mentioned my hearing an act of grace would soon release me from +my bonds; and then I was determined to offer myself a volunteer in the +service, where, perhaps, I might find a cannon-ball my best friend. + +A life, so different to what I had been used, brought on a disorder, +which the agitation of my spirits increased so much as to reduce me +almost to the gates of death. An old female servant of Miss Maynard's +paid me a visit, bringing me some little nutritive delicacies, which her +kind mistress thought would be serviceable to me. Shocked at the +deplorable spectacle I made, for I began to neglect my appearance; which +a man is too apt to do when not at peace with himself: shocked, I say, +she represented me in such a light to her lady, as filled her gentle +soul with the utmost terror for my safety. Guided alone by the +partiality she honoured me with, she formed the resolution of coming to +see me. She however gave me half an hour's notice of her intention. I +employed the intermediate time in putting myself into a condition of +receiving her with more decency. The little exertion I made had nearly +exhausted my remaining strength, and I was more dead than alive, when +the trembling, pale, and tottering guest made her approach in the house +of woe. We could neither of us speak for some time. The benevolence of +her heart had supported her during her journey thither; but now the +native modesty of her sex seemed to point out the impropriety of +visiting a man, unsolicited, in prison. Weak as I was, I saw the +necessity of encouraging the drooping spirits of my fair visitor. I +paid her my grateful acknowledgments for her inestimable goodness. She +begged me to be silent on that head, as it brought reflections she could +ill support. In obedience to her, I gave the conversation another turn; +but still I could not help reverting to the old subject. She then +stopped me, by asking, "what was there so extraordinary in her conduct? +and whether, in her situation, would not I have done as much for her?" +"Oh! yes!" I cried, with eagerness, "that I should, and ten times more." +I instantly felt the impropriety of my speech. "Then I have been +strangely deficient," said she, looking at me with a gentle smile. "I +ask a thousand pardons," said I, "for the abruptness of my expression. I +meant to evince my value for you, and my sense of what I thought you +deserved. You must excuse my method, I have been long unused to the +association of human beings, at least such as resemble you. You have +already conferred more favours than I could merit at your hands." Miss +Maynard seemed disconcerted--she looked grave. "It is a sign you think +so," said she, in a tone of voice that shewed she was piqued, "as you +have taken such pains to explain away an involuntary compliment.--But I +have already exceeded the bounds I prescribed to myself in this +visit--it is time to leave you." + +I felt abashed, and found myself incapable of saying any thing to clear +myself from the imputation of insensibility or ingratitude, without +betraying the tenderness which I really possessed for her, yet which I +thought, circumstanced as I was, would be ungenerous to the last degree +to discover, as it would be tacitly laying claim to her's. The common +rules of politeness, however, called on me to say something.--I +respectfully took her hand, which trembled as much as mine. "Dear Miss +Maynard," said I, "how shall I thank you for the pleasure your company +has conveyed to my bosom?" Even then thinking I had said too much, +especially as I by an involuntary impulse found my fingers compress +her's, I added, "I plainly see the impropriety of asking you to renew +your goodness--I must not be selfish, or urge you to take any step for +which you may hereafter condemn yourself." + +"I find, Sir," she replied, "your prudence is greater than mine. I need +never apprehend danger from such a monitor." + +"Don't mistake me," said I, with a sigh I could not repress. "I doubt I +have," returned she, "but I will endeavour to develop your character. +Perhaps, if I do not find myself quite perfect, I may run the risk of +taking another lesson, unless you should tell me it is imprudent." So +saying, she left me. There was rather an affectation of gaiety in her +last speech, which would have offended me, had I not seen it was only +put on to conceal her real feelings from a man, who seemed coldly +insensible of her invaluable perfections both of mind and body.--Yet how +was I to act? I loved her with the utmost purity, and yet fervour. My +heart chid me for throwing cold water on the tenderness of this amiable +girl;--but my reason told me, I should be a villain to strive to gain +her affections in such a situation as I was. Had I been lord of the +universe, I would have shared it with my Maria. You will ask, how I +could so easily forget the lowness of my fortune in my connexion with +her cousin? I answer, the case was widely different--I then made a +figure in life equal to my birth, though my circumstances were +contracted.--Now, I was poor and in prison:--then, I listened only to my +passions--now, reason and prudence had some sway with me. My love for my +late wife was the love of a boy;--my attachment to Maria the sentiments +of a man, and a man visited by, and a prey to, misfortune. On +reflection, I found I loved her to the greatest height. After passing a +sleepless night of anguish, I came to the resolution of exculpating +myself from the charge of insensibility, though at the expence of losing +sight of her I loved for ever. I wrote her a letter, wherein, I freely +confessed the danger I apprehended from the renewal of her visit.--I +opened my whole soul before her, but at the same time told her, "I laid +no claim to any more from her than compassion; shewed her the rack of +constraint I put on myself, to conceal the emotions of my heart, lest +the generosity of her's might involve her in a too strong partiality for +so abject a wretch. I hoped she would do me the justice to believe, that +as no man ever loved more, so no one on earth could have her interest +more at heart than myself, since to those sentiments I sacrificed every +thing dear to me." Good God! what tears did this letter cost me! I +sometimes condemned myself, and thought it false generosity.--Why should +I, said I to myself, why should I thus cast happiness away from two, who +seem formed to constitute all the world to each other?--How rigorous are +thy mandates, O Virtue! how severe thy decree! and oh! how much do I +feel in obeying thee! No sooner was the letter gone, than I repented the +step I had pursued.--I called myself ungrateful to the bounty of heaven; +who thus, as it were, had inspired the most lovely of women with an +inclination to relieve my distress; and had likewise put the means in +her hands.--These cogitations contributed neither to establish my +health, or compose my spirits. I had no return to my letter; indeed I +had not urged one. Several days I passed in a state of mind which can be +only known to those who have experienced the same. At last a pacquet was +brought me. It contained an ensign's commission in a regiment going to +Germany; and a paper sealed up, on which was written, "It is the +request of M.M. that Mr. Grenville does not open _this_ till he has +crossed the seas." + +There was another paper folded in the form of a letter, but not sealed; +_that_ I hastily opened, and found it contained only a few words, and a +bank bill of an hundred pounds. The contents were as follow: + +"True love knows not the nice distinctions you have made,--at least, if +I may be allowed to judge from my own feelings, I think it does not. I +may, however, be mistaken, but the error is too pleasing to be +relinquished; and I would much rather indulge it, than listen at present +to the cold prudential arguments which a too refined and ill-placed +generosity points out. When you arrive at the place of your destination, +you may gain a farther knowledge of a heart, capable at the same time of +the tenderest partiality, and a firm resolution of conquering it." + +Every word of this billet was a dagger to my soul. I then ceased not to +accuse myself of ingratitude to the loveliest of women, as guilty of +false pride instead of generosity. If she placed her happiness in my +society, why should I deprive her of it? As she said my sentiments were +too refined, I asked myself, if it would not have been my supreme +delight to have raised her from the dregs of the people to share the +most exalted situation with me? Why should I then think less highly of +her attachment, of which I had received such proofs, than I was +convinced mine was capable of? For the future, I was determined to +sacrifice these nice punctilios, which were ever opposing my felicity, +and that of an amiable woman, who clearly and repeatedly told me, by her +looks, actions, and a thousand little nameless attentions I could not +mistake, that her whole happiness depended on me. I thought nothing +could convince her more thoroughly of my wish of being obliged to her, +than the acceptance of her bounty: I made no longer any hesitation about +it. That very day I was released from my long confinement by the +grace-act, to the utter mortification of my old prosecutor. I drove +immediately to some lodgings I had provided in the Strand; from whence I +instantly dispatched a billet-doux to Maria, in which I said these +words: + +"The first moment of liberty I devote to the lovely Maria, who has my +heart a slave. I am a convert to your assertion, that love makes not +distinctions. Otherwise, could I support the reflection, that all I am +worth in the world I owe to you? But to you the world owes all the +charms it has in my eyes. We will not, however, talk of debtor and +creditor, but permit me to make up in adoration what I want in wealth. +Fortune attends the brave.--I will therefore flatter myself with +returning loaden with the spoils of the enemy, and in such a situation, +that you may openly indulge the partiality which makes the happiness of +my life, without being put to the blush by sordid relations. + +I shall obey your mandates the more chearfully, as I think I am +perfectly acquainted with every perfection of your heart; judge then how +I must value it. Before I quit England, I shall petition for the honour +of kissing your hand;--but how shall I bid you adieu!" + +The time now drew nigh when I was to take leave of my native land--and +what was dearer to me, my Maria.--I was too affected to utter a +word;--her soul had more heroic greatness.--"Go," said she, "pursue the +paths of glory; have confidence in Providence, and never distrust me. I +have already experienced some hazards on your account; but perhaps my +father may be easier in his mind, when he is assured you have left +England." + +I pressed her to explain herself. She did so, by informing me, "her +father suspected her attachment, and, to prevent any ill consequence +arising, had proposed a gentleman to her for a husband, whom she had +rejected with firmness. No artifice, or ill usage," continued she, +"shall make any change in my resolution;--but I shall say no more, the +pacquet will more thoroughly convince you of what I am capable." + +"Good God!" said I, in an agony, "why should your tenderness be +incompatible with your duty?" + +"I do not think it," she answered;--"it is my duty to do justice; and I +do no more, by seeking to restore to you your own." + +We settled the mode of our future correspondence; and I tore myself from +the only one I loved on earth. When I joined the regiment, I availed +myself of the privilege given me to inspect the papers. Oh! how was my +love, esteem, and admiration, increased! The contents were written at a +time, when she thought me insensible, or at least too scrupulous. She +made a solemn vow never to marry; but as soon as she came of age, to +divide the estate with me, making over the remainder to any children I +might have; but the whole was couched in terms of such delicate +tenderness, as drew floods of tears from my eyes, and riveted my soul +more firmly to her. I instantly wrote to her, and concealed not a +thought or sentiment of my heart--_that_ alone dictated every line. In +the letter she returned, she sent me her picture in a locket, and on the +reverse a device with her hair; this was an inestimable present to +me.--It was my sole employ, while off duty, to gaze on the lovely +resemblance of the fairest of women. + +For some months our correspondence was uninterrupted.--However, six +weeks had now passed since I expected a letter. + +Love is industrious in tormenting itself. I formed ten thousand dreadful +images in my own mind, and sunk into despair from each. I wrote letter +after letter, but had still no return. I had no other correspondent in +England.--Distraction seized me. "She's dead!" cried I to myself, "she's +dead! I have nothing to do but to follow her." At last I wrote to a +gentleman who lived in the neighbourhood of Mr. Maynard, conjuring him, +in the most affecting terms, to inform me of what I yet dreaded to be +told.--I waited with a dying impatience till the mails arrived.--A +letter was brought me from this gentleman.--He said, Mr. Maynard's +family had left L. some time;--they proposed going abroad; but he +believed they had retired to some part of Essex;--there had a report +prevailed of Miss Maynard's being married; but if true, it was since +they had left L. This news was not very likely to clear or calm my +doubts. What could I think?--My reflections only served to awaken my +grief. I continued two years making every inquiry, but never received +the least satisfactory account. + +A prey to the most heartfelt affliction, life became insupportable to +me.--Was she married, I revolved in my mind all the hardships she must +have endured before she would be prevailed on to falsify her vows to me, +which were registered in heaven.--Had death ended her distress, I was +convinced it had been hastened by the severity of an unnatural +father.--Whichsoever way I turned my thoughts, the most excruciating +reflections presented themselves, and in each I saw her sufferings +alone. + +In this frame of mind, I rejoiced to hear we were soon to have a battle, +which would in all probability be decisive. I was now raised to the rank +of captain-lieutenant. A battalion of our regiment was appointed to a +most dangerous post. It was to gain a pass through a narrow defile, and +to convey some of our heavy artillery to cover a party of soldiers, who +were the flower of the troops, to endeavour to flank the enemy. I was +mortified to find I was not named for this service. I spoke of it to the +captain, who honoured me with his friendship.--"It was my care for you, +Grenville," said he, "which prevented your name being inrolled. I wish, +for the sakes of so many brave fellows, this manoeuvre could have been +avoided. It will be next to a miracle if we succeed; but success must be +won with the lives of many; the first squadron must look on themselves +as a sacrifice." "Permit me then," said I, "to head that squadron; I +will do my duty to support my charge; but if I fall, I shall bless the +blow which rids me of an existence intolerable to me." + +"You are a young man, Grenville," replied the captain, "you may +experience a change in life, which will repay you for the adversities +you at present complain of. I would have you courageous, and defy +dangers, but not madly rush on them; that is to be despairing, not +brave; and consequently displeasing to the Deity, who appoints us our +task, and rewards us according to our acquittal of our duty. The +severest winter is followed oftentimes by the most blooming spring:" "It +is true," said I: + + "But when will spring visit the mouldering urn? + Ah! when will it dawn on the gloom of the grave?" + +"Will you, however, allow me to offer an exchange with the commanding +officer?" My captain consented; and the lieutenant was very glad to +exchange his post, for one of equal honour, but greater security. I was +sitting in my tent the evening of the important day, ruminating on the +past events of my life; and then naturally fell into reflections of +what, in all probability, would be the consequence of the morrow's +attack. We looked on ourselves as devoted men; and though, I dare say, +not one in the whole corps was tired of his life, yet they all expressed +the utmost eagerness to be employed. Death was the ultimate wish of my +soul. "I shall, before to-morrow's sun goes down," said I, addressing +myself to the resemblance of my Maria; "I shall, most lovely of women, +be re-united to thee; or, if yet thy sufferings have not ended thy +precious life, I shall yet know where thou art, and be permitted, +perhaps, to hover over thee, to guide thy footsteps, and conduct thee to +those realms of light, whose joys will be incomplete without thee." With +these rhapsodies I was amusing my mind, when a serjeant entered, and +acquainted me, there was, without, a young man enquiring for me, who +said, he must be admitted, having letters of the greatest importance +from England. My heart beat high against my breast, my respiration grew +thick and difficult, and I could hardly articulate these words,--"For +God's sake, let me see him! Support me, Oh, God! what is it I am going +to hear?" + +A cold sweat bedewed my face, and an universal tremor possessed my whole +frame. + +A young gentleman, wrapped up in a Hussar cloak, made his appearance. +"Is this Lieutenant Grenville?" I bowed. "I am told, Sir," said I, in a +tremulous voice, "you have letters from England; relieve my doubts I +beseech you."--"Here, Sir, is one," said the youth, extending his hand, +which trembled exceedingly.--I hastily snatched it, ready to devour the +contents;--what was my agitation, when I read these words! + +"If, after a silence of two long years, your Maria is still dear to you, +you will rejoice to hear she still lives for you alone. If her presence +is wished for by you, you will rejoice on finding her at no great +distance from you. But, if you love with the tenderness she does, how +great, how extatic, will be your felicity, to raise your eyes, and fix +them on her's!" + +The paper dropped from my enervate hand, while I raised my eyes, and +beheld, Oh! my God! under the disguise of a young officer, my beloved, +my faithful, long-lost Maria! + +"Great God!" cried I, in a transport of joy, clasping my hands together, +"have then my prayers been heard! do I again behold her!" But my +situation recurring to my imagination; the dangers which I had +unnecessarily engaged myself in for the morrow; her disguise; the +unprotected state in which I should leave her, in a camp, where too much +licentiousness reigned; all these ideas took instant possession of my +mind, and damped the rising joy her loved presence had at first excited. +The agonizing pangs which seized me are past description. "Oh! my God!" +I exclaimed in the bitterness of soul, "why did we thus meet! +Better,--Oh! how much better would it have been, that my eyes had closed +in death, than, to see all they adored thus exposed to the horrid misery +and carnage of destructive war." The conflict became too powerful; and +in all the energy of woe I threw myself on the ground. Poor Maria flung +herself on a seat, and covered her face in her great coat.--Audible sobs +burst from her bosom--I saw the convulsive heavings, and the sight was +as daggers to me.--I crawled on my knees to her, and, bending over +her,--"Oh! my Maria!" said I, "these pangs I feel for you; speak to me, +my only love; if possible, ease my sufferings by thy heavenly welcome +voice."--She uttered not a word; I sought to find her hand; she pushed +me gently from her, then rising,--"Come, thou companion of my tedious +and painful travel, come, my faithful Hannah," said she, to one I had +not before taken notice of, who stood in the entrance of the tent, "let +us be gone, here we are unwelcome visitors. Is it thus," continued she, +lifting up her hands to heaven, "is it thus I am received? Adieu! +Grenville! My love has still pursued you with unremitting constancy: but +it shall be your torment no longer. I will no longer tax your compassion +for a fond wretch, who perhaps deserves the scorn she meets." She was +leaving the tent. I was immoveably rooted to the ground while she +spake.--I caught her by the coat. "Oh! leave me not, dearest of women, +leave me not! You know not the love and distress which tear this +wretched bosom by turns. Injure me not, by doubting the first,--and if +you knew the latter, you would find me an object intitled to your utmost +pity. Oh! that my heart was laid open to your view! then would you see +it had wasted with anguish on the supposition of your death. Yes, Maria, +I thought you dead. I had a too exalted idea of your worth to assign any +other cause; I never called you cruel, or doubted your faith. Your +memory lived in my fond breast, such as my tenderness painted you. But +you can think meanly of me, and put the most ungenerous construction on +the severest affliction that ever tore the heart of man." + +"Oh! my Grenville," said she, raising me, "how have I been ungenerous? +Is the renunciation of my country, relations, and even sex, a proof of +want of generosity? Will you never know, or, knowing, understand me? I +believe you have suffered, greatly suffered; your pallid countenance too +plainly evinces it; but we shall now, with the blessing of heaven, soon +see an end to them.--A few months will make me mistress of my fortune. +In the mean time, I will live with my faithful Hannah retired; only now +and then let me have the consolation of seeing you, and hearing from +your lips a confirmation that I have not forfeited your affection." + +I said all that my heart dictated, to reassure my lovely heroic Maria, +and calm her griefs. I made her take some refreshment; and, as the night +was now far spent, and we yet had much to say, we agreed to pass it in +the tent. My dear Maria began to make me a little detail of all that had +passed. She painted out the persecutions of her father in the liveliest +colours; the many artifices he used to weaken her attachment to me; the +feigning me inconstant; and, when he found her opinion of my faith too +firmly rooted, he procured a certificate of my death. As she was then +released from her engagement, he more strongly urged her to marry; but +she as resolutely refused. On his being one day more than commonly +urgent, she knelt down, and said, in the most solemn manner; "Thou +knowest, O God! had it pleased thee to have continued him I doated on in +this life, that I was bound, by the most powerful asseverations, to be +his, and only his:--hear me now, O God! while I swear still to be wedded +to his memory. In thy eye, I was his wife; I attest thee to witness, +that I will never be any other. In his grave shall all my tenderness be +buried, and with him shall it rise to heaven." Her father became +outrageous; and swore, if she would not give him a son, he would give +her a mother; and, in consequence married the housekeeper--a woman +sordid as himself, and whose principles and sentiments were as low as +her birth. + +The faithful Hannah had been discharged some time before, on finding out +she aided our correspondence. My letters had been for a long time +intercepted. Maria, one day, without the least notice, was taken out of +her chamber, and conveyed to a small house in the hundreds of Essex, to +some relations of her new mother's, in hopes, as she found, that grief, +and the unhealthiness of the place, might make an end of her before she +came of age. After a series of ill-usage and misfortunes, she at length +was so fortunate as to make her escape. She wrote to Hannah, who came +instantly to her; from her she learnt I was still living. She then +formed the resolution of coming over to Germany, dreading again falling +into the hands of her cruel parent. The plan was soon fixed on, and put +in execution. To avoid the dangers of travelling, they agreed to put on +men's cloaths; and Maria, to ensure her safety, dressed herself like an +English officer charged with dispatches to the British army. + +While she was proceeding in her narrative, I heard the drum beat to +arms. I started, and turned pale. Maria hastily demanded the cause of +this alteration! I informed her, "We were going to prepare for battle. +And what, oh! what is to become of you? Oh! Maria! the service I am +going on is hazardous to the last degree. I shall fall a sacrifice; but +what will become of you?" + +"Die with you," said she, firmly, rising, and drawing her sword. "When I +raise my arm," continued she, "who will know it is a woman's. Nature has +stamped me with that sex, but my soul shrinks not at danger. In what am +I different from the Romans, or even from some of the ancient Britons? +They could lose their lives for less cause than what I see before me. As +I am firmly resolved not to outlive you--so I am equally determined to +share your fate. You are certainly desirous my sex should remain +concealed. I wish the same--and, believe me, no womanish weakness on my +part shall betray it. Tell your commander, I am a volunteer under your +direction. And, assure yourself, you will find me possessed of +sufficient courage to bear any and every thing, for your sake." + +I forbore not to paint out the horrors of war in the most dreadful +colours. "I shudder at them," said she, "but am not intimidated." In +short, all my arguments were in vain. She vowed she would follow me: +"Either you love me, Grenville, or you love me not--if the first, you +cannot refuse me the privilege of dying with you--if the last sad fate +should be mine, the sooner I lose my life the better." While I was yet +using dissuasives, the Captain entered my tent. "Come, Grenville," said +he, "make preparations, my good lad. There will be hot work to-day for +us all. I would have chosen a less dangerous situation for you: but this +was your own desire. However, I hope heaven will spare you." + +"I could have almost wished I had not been so precipitate, as here is a +young volunteer who will accompany me." + +"So young, and so courageous!" said the captain, advancing towards my +Maria. "I am sure, by your looks, you have never seen service." + +"But I have gone through great dangers, Sir," she answered, +blushing--"and, with so brave an officer as Lieutenant Grenville, I +shall not be fearful of meeting even death." + +"Well said, my little hero," rejoined he, "only, that as a volunteer you +have a right to chuse your commander, I should be happy to have the +bringing you into the field myself. Let us, however, as this may be the +last time we meet on earth, drink one glass to our success. Grenville, +you can furnish us." We soon then bid each other a solemn adieu! + +I prevailed on Maria and poor Hannah (who was almost dead with her +fears) to lie down on my pallet-bed, if possible, to procure a little +rest. I retired to the outside of the tent, and, kneeling down, put up +the most fervent prayers to heaven that the heart of man could frame. I +then threw myself on some baggage, and slept with some composure till +the second drum beat. + +Hannah hung round her mistress; but such was her respect and deference, +that she opened not her lips. We began our march, my brave heroine close +at my side, with all the stillness possible. We gained a narrow part of +the wood, where we wanted to make good our pass; but here, either by the +treachery of our own people, or the vigilance of our enemy, our scheme +was intirely defeated. We marched on without opposition, and, flushed +with the appearance of success, we went boldly on, till, too far +advanced to make a retreat, we found ourselves surrounded by a party of +the enemy's troops. We did all in our power to recover our advantage, +and lost several men in our defence. Numbers, however, at last +prevailed; and those who were not left dead on the field were made +prisoners, among whom were my Maria and myself. I was wounded in the +side and in the right arm. She providentially escaped unhurt. We were +conveyed to the camp of the enemy, where I was received with the respect +that one brave man shews another. I was put into the hospital, where my +faithful Maria attended me with the utmost diligence and tenderness. + +When the event of this day's disaster was carried to the British camp, +it struck a damp on all. But poor Hannah, in a phrenzy of distress, ran +about, wringing her hands, proclaiming her sex, and that of the supposed +volunteer, and intreating the captain to use his interest to procure our +release. She gave him a brief detail of our adventures--and concluded by +extolling the character of her beloved mistress. The captain, who had +at that time a great regard for me, was touched at the distressful +story; and made a report to the commander in chief, who, after getting +the better of the enemy in an engagement, proposed an exchange of +prisoners, which being agreed to, and I being able to bear the removal, +we were once more at liberty. + +I was conveyed to a small town near our encampment, where my dear Maria +and old Hannah laid aside their great Hussar cloaks, which they would +never be prevailed on to put off, and resumed their petticoats. This +adventure caused much conversation in the camp; and all the officers +were desirous of beholding so martial a female. But, notwithstanding the +extraordinary step she had been induced to take, Miss Maynard possessed +all the valued delicacy of her sex in a very eminent degree; and +therefore kept very recluse, devoting herself entirely to her attendance +on me. + +Fearful that her reputation might suffer, now her sex was known, I urged +her to complete my happiness, by consenting to our marriage. She, at +first, made some difficulties, which I presently obviated; and the +chaplain of the regiment performed the ceremony, my Captain acting as +father, and, as he said, bestowing on me the greatest blessing a man +could deserve. + +I was now the happiest of all earthly creatures, nor did I feel the +least allay, but in sometimes, on returning from duty in the field, +finding my Maria uncommonly grave. On enquiry she used to attribute it +to my absence; and indeed her melancholy would wear off, and she would +resume all her wonted chearfulness. + +About three months after our marriage, my dear wife was seized with the +small-pox, which then raged in the town. I was almost distracted with my +apprehensions. Her life was in imminent danger. I delivered myself up +to the most gloomy presages. "How am I marked out for misfortune!" said +I, "am I destined to lose both my wives on the eve of their coming of +age?" Her disorder was attended with some of the most alarming symptoms. +At length, it pleased heaven to hear my prayers, and a favourable crisis +presented itself. With joy I made a sacrifice of her beauty, happy in +still possessing the mental perfections of this most excellent of women. +The fear of losing her had endeared her so much the more to me, that +every mark of her distemper, reminding me of my danger, served to render +her more valuable in my eyes. My caresses and tenderness were redoubled; +and the loss of charms, which could not make her more engaging to her +husband, gave my Maria no concern. + +Our fears, however, were again alarmed on Hannah's account. That good +and faithful domestic caught the infection. Her fears, and attention on +her beloved mistress, had injured her constitution before this baleful +distemper seized her. She fell a sacrifice to it. Maria wept over the +remains of one who had rendered herself worthy of the utmost +consideration. It was a long time before she could recover her spirits. +When the remembrance of her loss had a little worn off, we passed our +time very agreeably; and I, one day, remarking the smiles I always found +on my Maria's face, pressed to know the melancholy which had formerly +given me so much uneasiness. "I may now," said she, "resolve your +question, without any hazard; the cause is now entirely removed. You +know there was a time when I was thought handsome; I never wished to +appear so in any other eyes than your's; unfortunately, another thought +so, and took such measures to make me sensible of the impression my +beauty had made, as rendered me truly miserable. Since I am as dear to +you as ever, I am happy in having lost charms that were fated to inspire +an impious passion in one, who, but for me, might have still continued +your friend." + +I asked no more, I was convinced she meant the captain, who had sought +to do me some ill offices; but which I did not resent, as I purposed +quitting the army at the end of the campaign. By her desire, I took no +notice of his perfidy, only by avoiding every opportunity of being in +his company. + +One day, about a fortnight after Maria came of age, I was looking over +some English news-papers, which a brother officer had lent me to read, +in which I saw this extraordinary paragraph: + +"_Last week was interred the body of Miss Maria Maynard, daughter of +James Maynard, Esq; of L. in Bedfordshire, aged twenty years, ten +months, and a fortnight. Had she lived till she attained the full age of +twenty-one, she would have been possessed of an estate worth upwards +of forty thousand pounds, which now comes to her father, the +above-mentioned James Maynard, Esq._ + +_By a whimsical and remarkable desire of the deceased, a large quantity +of quick-lime was put into the coffin._" + +This piece of intelligence filled us with astonishment, as we could not +conceive what end it was likely to answer: but, on my looking up to +Maria, by way of gathering some light from her opinion, and seeing not +only the whole form of her face, but the intire cast of her countenance +changed; it immediately struck into my mind, that it would be a +difficult matter to prove her identity--especially as by the death of +Hannah we had lost our only witness. This may appear a very trivial +circumstance to most people; but, when we consider what kind of man we +had to deal with, it will wear a more serious aspect. It was plain he +would go very great lengths to secure the estate, since he had taken +such extraordinary measures to obtain it: he had likewise another +motive; for by this second marriage he had a son. It is well known that +the property of quick-lime, is to destroy the features in a very short +space; by which means, should we insist on the body's being taken up, no +doubt he had used the precaution of getting a supposititious one; and, +in all probability, the corrosive quality of the lime would have left it +very difficult to ascertain the likeness after such methods being used +to destroy it. We had certainly some reason for our apprehensions that +the father would disown his child, when it was so much his interest to +support his own assertion of her death, and when he had gone so far as +actually to make a sham-funeral; and, above all, when no one who had +been formerly acquainted with could possibly know her again, so totally +was she altered both in voice and features. However, the only step we +could take, was to set off for England with all expedition--which +accordingly we did. + +I wrote Mr. Maynard a letter, in which I inclosed one from his daughter. +He did not deign to return any answer. I then consulted some able +lawyers; they made not the least doubt of my recovering my wife's +fortune as soon as I proved her identity. That I could have told them; +but the difficulty arose how I should do it. None of the officers were +in England, who had seen her both before and after the small-pox, and +whose evidence might have been useful. + +Talking over the affair to an old gentleman, who had been acquainted +with my first wife's father--and who likewise knew Maria: "I have not a +doubt," said he, "but this lady is the daughter of old Maynard, because +you both tell me so--otherwise I could never have believed it. But I do +not well know what all this dispute is about: I always understood you +was to inherit your estate from your first wife. She lived till she came +of age; did she not?" + +"According to law," said I, "she certainly did; she died that very day; +but she could not make a will." + +"I am strangely misinformed," replied he, "if you had not a right to it +from that moment.--But what say the writings?" + +"Those I never saw," returned I. "As I married without the consent of my +wife's relations, I had no claim to demand the sight of them; and, as +she died before she could call them her's, I had no opportunity." + +"Then you have been wronged, take my word for it. I assert, that her +fortune was her's on the day of marriage, unconditionally. I advise you +to go to law with the old rogue (I beg your pardon, Madam, for calling +your father so); go to law with him for the recovery of your first +wife's estate; and let him thank heaven his daughter is so well provided +for." + +This was happy news for us. I changed my plan, and brought an action +against him for detaining my property. In short, after many hearings and +appeals, I had the satisfaction of casting him. But I became father to +your sister and yourself before the cause was determined. We were driven +to the utmost straits while it was in agitation. At last, however, right +prevailed; and I was put in possession of an estate I had unjustly been +kept out of many years. + +Now I thought myself perfectly happy. "Fortune," said I, "is at length +tired of persecuting me; and I have before me the most felicitous +prospect." Alas! how short-sighted is man! In the midst of my promised +scene of permanent delight, the most dreadful of misfortunes overtook +me. My loved Maria fell into the most violent disorder, after having +been delivered of a dead child.--Good God! what was my situation, to be +reduced to pray for the death of her who made up my whole scheme of +happiness! "Dear, dear Maria! thy image still lives in my remembrance; +_that_, + + --Seeks thee still in many a former scene; + Seeks thy fair form, thy lovely beaming eyes, + Thy pleasing converse, by gay lively sense + Inspir'd: whose moral wisdom mildly shone, + Without the toil of art; and virtue glow'd + In all her smiles, without forbidding pride." + +Oh! my Julia, such was thy mother! my heart has never tasted happiness +since her lamented death. Yet I cease not to thank heaven for the +blessings it has given me in thee and my Louisa. May I see you both +happy in a world that to me has lost its charms! + +The death of my Maria seemed to detach me from all society. I had met +with too many bad people in it to have any regard for it; and now the +only chain that held me was broken. I retired hither and, in my first +paroxysms of grief, vowed never to quit this recluse spot; where, for +the first years of your infancy, I brooded my misfortunes, till I became +habituated and enured to melancholy. I was always happy when either you +or your sister had an opportunity of seeing a little of the world. +Perhaps my vow was a rash one, but it is sacred. + +As your inclination was not of a retired turn, I consented to a +marriage, which, I hope, will be conducive to your felicity. Heaven +grant it may! Oh! most gracious Providence, let me not be so curst as +to see my children unhappy! I feel I could not support such an +afflicting stroke. But I will not anticipate an evil I continually pray +to heaven to avert. + +Adieu, my child! May you meet with no accident or misfortune to make you +out of love with the world! + +Thy tender and affectionate father, + +E. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER X. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I have just perused my father's long packet: I shall not however comment +upon it, till I have opened my whole mind to you in a more particular +manner than I yet have done. + +The first part of my father's letter has given me much concern, by +awakening some doubts, which I knew not subsisted in my bosom. He asks +such questions relative to my real state of happiness, as distress me to +answer. I have examined my most inward thoughts. Shall I tell you, my +Louisa, the examination does not satisfy me? I believe in this life, and +particularly in this town, we must not search too deeply--to be happy, +we must take both persons and things as we in general find them, without +scrutinizing too closely. The researches are not attended with that +pleasure we would wish to find. + +The mind may be amused, or, more properly speaking, employed, so as not +to give it leisure to think; and, I fancy, the people in this part of +the world esteem reflection an evil, and therefore keep continually +hurrying from place to place, to leave no room or time for it. For my +own part, I sometimes feel some little compunction of mind from the +dissipated life I lead; and wish I had been cast in a less tumultuous +scene. I even sometimes venture to propose to Sir William a scheme of +spending a little more time at home--telling him, it will be more for +our advantage with respect to our health, as the repeated hurries in +which we are engaged must, in future, be hurtful to us. He laughs at my +sober plan. "Nothing," he says, "is so serviceable to the body, as +unbending the mind--as to the rest, my notions are owing to the +prejudices of education; but that in time he hopes my rusticity will +yield to the _ton_. For God's sake," he continues, "make yourself +ready--you know you are to be at the opera--" or somewhere or other. So +away goes reflection; and we are whirled away in the stream of +dissipation, with the rest of the world. This seems a very sufficient +reason for every thing we do, _The rest of the world does so_: that's +quite enough. + +But does it convey to the heart that inward secret pleasure which +increases on reflection? Too sure it does not. However, it has been my +invariable plan, from which I have not nor do intend to recede, to be +governed in these matters by the will of my husband: he is some years +older than me, and has had great experience in life. It shall be my care +to preserve my health and morals;--in the rest, _he_ must be my guide. + +My mind is not at the same time quite at ease. I foresee I shall have +some things to communicate to you which I shall be unwilling should meet +my father's eye. Perhaps the world is altered since he resided in it; +and from the novelty to him, the present modes may not meet his +approbation. I would wish carefully to conceal every thing from him +which might give him pain, and which it is not in his power to remedy. +To you, my Louisa, I shall ever use the most unbounded confidence. I may +sometimes tell you I am dissatisfied; but when I do so, it will not be +so much out of a desire of complaint, as to induce you to give me your +advice. Ah! you would be ten times fitter to live in the world than I. +Your solidity and excellent judgment would point out the proper path, +and how far you might stray in it unhurt; while my vivacity impels me to +follow the gay multitude; and when I look back, I am astonished to +behold the progress I have made. But I will accustom myself to relate +every circumstance to you: though they may in themselves be trivial, +yet I know your affection to me will find them interesting. Your good +sense will point out to you what part of our correspondence will be fit +for my father's ear. + +I mentioned to you two ladies, to whose protection and countenance I had +been introduced by Sir William. I do not like either of them, and wish +it had suited him to have procured me intimates more adapted to my +sentiments. And now we are upon this subject, I must say, I should have +been better pleased with my husband, if he had proposed your coming to +town with me. He may have a high opinion of my integrity and discretion; +but he ought in my mind to have reflected how very young I was; and, he +scruples not frequently to say, how totally unlearned in polite +life.--Should I not then have had a real protector and friend? I do not +mention my early years by way of begging an excuse for any impropriety +of conduct; far from it: there is no age in which we do not know right +from wrong; nor is extreme youth an extenuation of guilt: but there is a +time of life which wants attention, and should not be left too much to +its own guidance. + +With the best propensities in the world, we may be led, either by the +force of example, or real want of judgment, too far in the flowery path +of pleasure. Every scene I engage in has the charm of novelty to +recommend it. I see all to whom I am introduced do the same; besides, I +am following the taste of Sir William; but I am (if I may be allowed to +say so) too artless. Perhaps what I think is his inclination, may be +only to make trial of my natural disposition. Though he may choose to +live in the highest _ton_, he may secretly wish his wife a more retired +turn. How then shall I act? I do every thing with a chearful +countenance; but that proceeds from my desire of pleasing him. I +accommodate myself to what I think his taste; but, owing to my ignorance +of mankind, I may be defeating my own purpose. I once slightly hinted as +much to Lady Besford. She burst out into a fit of laughter at my duteous +principles. I supposed I was wrong, by exciting her mirth: this is not +the method of reforming me from my errors; but thus I am in general +treated. It reminds me of a character in the Spectator, who, being very +beautiful, was kept in perfect ignorance of every thing, and who, when +she made any enquiry in order to gain knowledge, was always put by, +with, "You are too handsome to trouble yourself about such things." +This, according to the present fashion, may be polite; but I am sure it +is neither friendly nor satisfactory. + +Her ladyship, the other day, shewed me a very beautiful young woman, +Lady T. "She is going to be separated from her husband," said she. On my +expressing my surprize,--"Pshaw! there is nothing surprizing in those +things," she added: "it is customary in this world to break through +stone-walls to get together this year; and break a commandment the next +to get asunder. But with regard to her ladyship, I do not know that she +has been imprudent; the cause of their disagreement proceeds from a +propensity she has for gaming; and my lord is resolved not to be any +longer answerable for her debts, having more of that sort on his own +hands than he can well discharge." Thus she favours me with sketches of +the people of fashion. Alas! Louisa, are these people to make companions +of?--They may, for want of better, be acquaintance, but never can be +friends. + +By her account, there is not a happy couple that frequents St. +James's.--Happiness in her estimate is not an article in the married +state. "Are you not happy?" I asked one day. "Happy! why yes, probably +I am; but you do not suppose my happiness proceeds from my being +married, any further than that state allowing greater latitude and +freedom than the single. I enjoy title, rank, and liberty, by bearing +Lord Besford's name. We do not disagree, because we very seldom meet. He +pursues his pleasures one way, I seek mine another; and our dispositions +being very opposite, they are sure never to interfere with each other. I +am, I give you my word, a very unexceptionable wife, and can say, what +few women of quality would be able to do that spoke truth, that I never +indulged myself in the least liberty with other men, till I had secured +my lord a lawful heir." I felt all horror and astonishment.--She saw the +emotion she excited. "Come, don't be prudish," said she: "my conduct in +the eye of the world is irreproachable. My lord kept a mistress from the +first moment of his marriage. What law allows those privileges to a man, +and excludes a woman from enjoying the same? Marriage now is a necessary +kind of barter, and an alliance of families;--the heart is not +consulted;--or, if that should sometimes bring a pair +together,--judgment being left far behind, love seldom lasts long. In +former times, a poor foolish woman might languish out her life in sighs +and tears, for the infidelity of her husband. Thank heaven! they are now +wiser; but then they should be prudent. I extremely condemn those, who +are enslaved by their passions, and bring a public disgrace on their +families by suffering themselves to be detected; such are justly our +scorn and ridicule; and you may observe they are not taken notice of by +any body. There is a decency to be observed in our amours; and I shall +be very ready to offer you my advice, as you are young and +inexperienced. One thing let me tell you; never admit your _Cicisbeo_ to +an unlimited familiarity; they are first suspected. Never take notice +of your favourite before other people; there are a thousand ways to make +yourself amends in secret for that little, but necessary, sacrifice in +public." + +"Nothing," said I, "but the conviction that you are only bantering me, +should have induced me to listen to you so long; but be assured, madam, +such discourses are extremely disagreeable to me." + +"You are a child," said she, "in these matters; I am not therefore angry +or surprized; but, when you find all the world like myself, you will +cease your astonishment." + +"Would to heaven," cried I, "I had never come into such a depraved +world! How much better had it been to have continued in ignorance and +innocence in the peaceful retirement in which I was bred! However, I +hope, with the seeds of virtue which I imbibed in my infancy, I shall be +able to go through life with honour to my family, and integrity to +myself. I mean never to engage in any kind of amour, so shall never +stand in need of your ladyship's advice, which, I must say, I cannot +think Sir William would thank you for, or can have the least idea you +would offer." + +"She assured me, Sir William knew too much of the world to expect, or +even wish, his wife to be different from most women who composed it; but +that she had nothing further to say.--I might some time hence want a +_confidante_, and I should not be unfortunate if I met with no worse +than her, who had ever conducted herself with prudence and discretion." + +I then said, "I had married Sir William because I preferred him,--and +that my sentiments would not alter." + +"If you can answer for your future sentiments," replied Lady Besford, +"you have a greater knowledge, or at least a greater confidence, in +yourself than most people have.--As to your preference of Sir William, +I own I am inclined to laugh at your so prettily deceiving +yourself.--Pray how many men had you seen, and been addressed by, before +your acquaintance with Sir William? Very few, I fancy, that were likely +to make an impression on your heart, or that could be put into a +competition with him, without an affront from the comparison. So, +because you thought Sir William Stanley a handsome man, and genteeler in +his dress than the boors you had been accustomed to see--add to which +his being passionately enamoured of you--you directly conclude, you have +given him the preference to all other men, and that your heart is +devoted to him alone: you may think so; nay, I dare say, you do think +so; but, believe me, a time may come when you will think otherwise. You +may possibly likewise imagine, as Sir William was so much in love, that +you will be for ever possessed of his heart:--it is almost a pity to +overturn so pretty a system; but, take my word for it, Lady Stanley, Sir +William will soon teach you another lesson; he will soon convince you, +the matrimonial shackles are not binding enough to abridge him of the +fashionable enjoyments of life; and that, when he married, he did not +mean to seclude himself from those pleasures, which, as a man of the +world, he is intitled to partake of, because love was the principal +ingredient and main spring of your engagement. That love may not last +for ever. He is of a gay disposition, and his taste must be fed with +variety." + +"I cannot imagine," I rejoined, interrupting her ladyship, "I cannot +imagine what end it is to answer, that you seem desirous of planting +discord between my husband and me.--I do not suppose you have any views +on him; as, according to your principles, his being married would be no +obstacle to that view.--Whatever may be the failings of Sir William, as +his wife, it is my duty not to resent them, and my interest not to see +them. I shall not thank your ladyship for opening my eyes, or seeking to +develope my sentiments respecting the preference I have shewed him; any +more than he is obliged to you, for seeking to corrupt the morals of a +woman whom he has made the guardian of his honour. I hope to preserve +that and my own untainted, even in this nursery of vice and folly. I +fancy Sir William little thought what instructions you would give, when +he begged your protection. I am, however, indebted to you for putting me +on my guard; and, be assured, I shall be careful to act with all the +discretion and prudence you yourself would wish me." Some company coming +in, put an end to our conversation. I need not tell you, I shall be very +shy of her ladyship in future. Good God! are all the world, as she calls +the circle of her acquaintance, like herself? If so, how dreadful to be +cast in such a lot! But I will still hope, detraction is among the +catalogue of her failings, and that she views the world with jaundiced +eyes. + +As to the male acquaintance of Sir William, I cannot say they are higher +in my estimation than the other sex. Is it because I am young and +ignorant, that they, one and all, take the liberty of almost making love +to me? Lord Biddulph, in particular, I dislike; and yet he is Sir +William's most approved friend. Colonel Montague is another who is +eternally here. The only unexceptionable one is a foreign gentleman, +Baron Ton-hausen. There is a modest diffidence in his address, which +interests one much in his favour. I declare, the only blush I have seen +since I left Wales was on his cheek when he was introduced. I fancy he +is as little acquainted with the vicious manners of the court as myself, +as he seemed under some confusion on his first conversation. He is but +newly known to Sir William; but, being a man of rank, and politely +received in the _beau monde_, he is a welcome visitor at our house. But +though he comes often, he is not obtrusive like the rest. They will +never let me be at quiet--for ever proposing this or the other +scheme--which, as I observed before, I comply with, more out of +conformity to the will of Sir William, than to my own taste. Not that I +would have you suppose I do not like any of the public places I +frequent. I am charmed at the opera; and receive a very high, and, I +think, rational, delight at a good play. I am far from being an enemy to +pleasure--but then I would wish to have it under some degree, of +subordination; let it be the amusement, not the business of life. + +Lord Biddulph is what Lady Besford stiles, my _Cicisbeo_--that is, he +takes upon him the task of attending me to public places, calling my +chair--handing me refreshments, and such-like; but I assure you, I do +not approve of him in the least: and Lady Besford may be assured, I +shall, at least, follow her kind advice in this particular, not to admit +him to familiarities; though his Lordship seems ready enough to avail +himself of all opportunities of being infinitely more assiduous than I +wish him. + +Was this letter to meet the eye of my father, I doubt he would repent +his ready acquiescence to my marriage. He would not think the scenes, in +which I am involved, an equivalent for the calm joys I left in the +mountains. And was he to know that Sir William and I have not met these +three days but at meals, and then surrounded with company; he would not +think the tenderness of an husband a recompence for the loss of a +father's and sister's affection. I do not, however, do well to complain. +I have no just reasons, and it is a weakness to be uneasy without a +cause. Adieu then, my Louisa; be assured, my heart shall never know a +change, either in its virtuous principles, or in its tender love to +you. I might have been happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a +desert; but, in this vale of vice, it is impossible, unless one can +adapt one's sentiments to the style of those one is among. I will be +every thing I can, without forgetting to be what I ought, in order to +merit the affection you have ever shewed to your faithful + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Three days, my Julia, and never met but at meals! Good God! to what can +this strange behaviour be owing? You say, you tell me every +circumstance. Have you had any disagreement; and is this the method your +husband takes to shew his resentment? Ah! Julia, be not afraid of my +shewing your letters to my father; do you think I would precipitate him +with sorrow to the grave, or at least wound his reverend bosom with such +anguish? No, Julia, I will burst my heart in silence, but never tell my +grief. Alas! my sister, friend of my soul, why are we separated? The +loss of your loved society I would sacrifice, could I but hear you were +happy. But can you be so among such wretches? Yet be comforted, my +Julia; have confidence in the rectitude of your own actions and +thoughts; but, above all, petition heaven to support you in all trials. +Be assured, while you have the protection of the Almighty, these impious +vile wretches will not, cannot, prevail against you. Your virtue will +shine out more conspicuously, while surrounded with their vices. + +That horrid Lady Besford! I am sure you feel all the detestation you +ought for such a character. As you become acquainted with other people, +(and they cannot be all so bad)--you may take an opportunity of shaking +her off. Dear creature! how art thou beset! Surely, Sir William is very +thoughtless: with his experience, he ought to have known how improper +such a woman was for the protector of his wife. And why must this +Lord--what's his odious name?--why is he to be your _escorte_? Is it +not the husband's province to guard and defend his wife? What a world +are you cast in! + +I find poor Win has written to her aunt Bailey, and complains heavily of +her situation. She says, Griffith is still more discontented than +herself; since he is the jest of all the other servants. They both wish +themselves at home again. She likewise tells Mrs. Bailey, that she is +not fit to dress you according to the fashion, and gives a whimsical +account of the many different things you put on and pull off when you +are, what she calls, high-dressed. If she is of no use to you, I wish +you would send her back before her morals are corrupted. Consider, she +has not had the advantage of education, as you have had; and, being +without those resources within, may the more easily fall a prey to some +insidious betrayer; for, no doubt, in such a place, + + "Clowns as well can act the rake, + As those in higher sphere." + +Let her return, then, if she is willing, as innocent and artless as she +left us. Oh! that I could enlarge that wish! I should have been glad you +had had Mrs. Bailey with you; she might have been of some service to +you. Her long residence in _our_ family would have given her some weight +in _your's_, which I doubt is sadly managed by Win's account. The +servants are disorderly and negligent. Don't you think of going into the +country? Spring comes forward very fast; and next month is the fairest +of the year. + +Would to heaven you were here!--I long ardently for your company; and, +rather than forego it, would almost consent to share it with the +dissipated tribe you are obliged to associate with;--but that privilege +is not allowed me. I could not leave my father. Nay, I must further say +I should have too much pride to come unasked; and you know Sir William +never gave me an invitation. + +I shed tears over the latter part of your letter, where you say, _I +could be happy, superlatively so, with Sir William in a desert; but here +it is impossible_. Whatever he may think, he would be happy too; at +least he appeared so while with us. Oh! that he could have been +satisfied with our calm joys, which mend the heart, and left those false +delusive ones, which corrupt and vitiate it! + +Dearest Julia, adieu! + +Believe me your faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Louisa! my dearest girl! who do you think I have met with?--No other +than Lady Melford! I saw her this day in the drawing-room. I instantly +recognized her ladyship, and, catching her eye, made my obeisance to +her. She returned my salute, in a manner which seemed to say, "I don't +know you; but I wish to recollect you."--As often as I looked up, I +found I engaged her attention. When their majesties were withdrawn, I +was sitting in one of the windows with Lady Anne Parker, and some other +folks about me.--I then saw Lady Melford moving towards me. I rose, and +pressed her to take my place. "You are very obliging," said she: "I +will, if you please, accept part of it, as I wish informed who it is +that is so polite as to pay such civility to an old woman." Lady Anne, +finding we were entering on conversation, wished me a good day, and went +off. + +"I am perfectly well acquainted with your features," said her ladyship; +"but I cannot call to my memory what is your name." + +"Have you then quite forgot Julia Grenville, to whom you was so kind +while she was on a visit with your grandfather at L.?" + +"Julia Grenville! Aye, so it is; but, my dear, how came I to meet you in +the drawing-room at St. James's, whom I thought still an inmate of the +mountains? Has your father rescinded his resolution of spending his life +there? and where is your sister?" + +"My father," I replied, "is still in his favourite retreat; my sister +resides with him.--I have been in town some time, and am at present an +inhabitant of it." + +"To whose protection could your father confide you, my dear?" + +"To the best protector in the world, madam," I answered, smiling--"to an +husband." + +"A husband!" she repeated, quite astonished, "What, child, are you +married? And who, my dear, is this husband that your father could part +with you to?" + +"That gentleman in the blue and silver velvet, across the room,--Sir +William Stanley. Does your ladyship know him?" + +"By name and character only," she answered. "You are very young, my +dear, to be thus initiated in the world. Has Sir William any relations, +female ones I mean, who are fit companions for you?--This is a dangerous +place for young inexperienced girls to be left to their own guidance." + +I mentioned the ladies to whom I had been introduced. "I don't know +them," said Lady Melford; "no doubt they are women of character, as they +are the friends of your husband. I am, however, glad to see you, and +hope you are happily married. My meeting you here is owing to having +attended a lady who was introduced; I came to town from D. for that +purpose." + +I asked her ladyship, if she would permit me to wait on her while she +remained in town. She obligingly said, "she took it very kind in a young +person shewing such attention to her, and should always be glad of my +company." + +The counsel of Lady Melford may be of service to me. I am extremely +happy to have seen her. I remember with pleasure the month I passed at +L. I reproach myself for not writing to Jenny Melford. I doubt she +thinks me ungrateful, or that the busy scenes in which I am immersed +have obliterated all former fond remembrances. I will soon convince her, +that the gay insignificant crowd cannot wear away the impression which +her kindness stamped on my heart in early childhood. + + * * * * * + +Your letter is just brought to my hands. Yes, my dear Louisa, I have not +a doubt but that, while I deserve it, I shall be the immediate care of +heaven. Join your prayers to mine; and they will, when offered with +heart-felt sincerity, be heard. + +I have nothing to apprehend from Lady Besford.--Such kind of women can +never seduce me. She shews herself too openly; and the discovery of her +character gives me no other concern, than as it too evidently manifests +in my eyes the extreme carelessness of Sir William: I own _there_ I am +in some degree piqued. But, if _he_ is indifferent about my morals and +well-doing in life, it will more absolutely become my business to take +care of myself,--an arduous task for a young girl, surrounded with so +many incitements to quit the strait paths, and so many examples of those +that do. + +As to the oeconomy of my family, I fear it is but badly +managed.--However, I do not know how to interfere, as we have a +house-keeper, who is empowered to give all orders, &c. If Win is +desirous of returning, I shall not exert my voice to oppose her +inclinations, though I own I shall be very sorry to lose the only +domestic in my family in whom I can place the least confidence, or who +is attached to me from any other motive than interest. I will never, +notwithstanding my repugnance to her leaving me, offer any objections +which may influence her conduct; but I do not think with you her morals +will be in any danger, as she in general keeps either in my apartments, +or in the house-keeper's. + +I do not know how Griffith manages; I should be concerned that he should +be ill-used by the rest of the servants; his dialect, and to them +singular manners, may excite their boisterous mirth; and I know, though +he is a worthy creature, yet he has all the irascibility of his +countrymen; and therefore they may take a pleasure in thwarting and +teasing the poor Cambro-Briton; but of this I am not likely to be +informed, as being so wholly out of my sphere. + +I could hardly help smiling at that part of your letter, wherein you +say, you think the husband the proper person to attend his wife to +public places. How different are your ideas from those of the people of +this town, or at least to their practice!--A woman, who would not blush +at being convicted in a little affair of gallantry, would be ready to +sink with confusion, should she receive these _tendres_ from an husband +in public, which when offered by any other man is accepted with pleasure +and complacency. Sir William never goes with me to any of these +fashionable movements. It is true, we often meet, but very seldom join, +as we are in general in separate parties. _Whom God hath joined, let no +man put asunder_, is a part of the ceremony; but here it is the business +of every one to endeavour to put a man and wife asunder;--fashion not +making it decent to appear together. + +These _etiquettes_, though so absolutely necessary in polite life, are +by no means reconcilable to reason, or to my wishes. But my voice would +be too weak to be heard against the general cry; or, being heard, I +should be thought too insignificant to be attended to. + +"Conscience makes cowards of us all," some poet says; and your Julia +says, fashion makes fools of us all; but she only whispers this to the +dear bosom of her friend. Oh! my Louisa, that you were with me!--It is +with this wish I end all my letters; mentally so, if I do not openly +thus express myself.--Absence seems to increase my affection.--One +reason is, because I cannot find any one to supply me the loss I sustain +in you; out of the hundreds I visit, not one with whom I can form a +friendly attachment. My attachment to Sir William, which was strong +enough to tear me from your arms, is not sufficient to suppress the +gushing tear, or hush the rising sigh, when I sit and reflect on what I +once possessed, and what I so much want at this moment. Adieu, my dear +Louisa! continue your tender attention to the best of fathers, and love +me always. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIII. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I spent a whole morning with Lady Melford, more to my satisfaction than +any one I have passed since I left you. But this treat cannot be +repeated; her ladyship leaves town this day. She was so good as to say, +she was sorry her stay was so short, and wished to have had more time +with me. I can truly join with her. Her conversation was friendly and +parental. She cautioned me against falling into the levities of the +sex--which unhappily, she observed, were now become so prevalent; and +further told me, how cautious I ought to be of my female acquaintance, +since the reputation of a young woman rises and falls in proportion to +the merit of her associates. I judged she had Lady Besford in her mind. +I answered, I thought myself unhappy in not having you with me, and +likewise possessing so little penetration, that I could not discover who +were, or who were not, proper companions; that, relying on the +experience of Sir William, I had left the choice of them to him, +trusting he would not introduce those whose characters and morals were +reprehensible; but whether it proceeded from my ignorance, or from the +mode of the times, I could not admire the sentiments of either of the +ladies with whom I was more intimately connected, but wished to have the +opinion of one whose judgment was more matured than mine. + +Lady Melford replied, the circle of her acquaintance was rather +confined;--and that her short residences at a time in town left her an +incompetent judge: "but, my dear," she added, "the virtuous principles +instilled into you by your excellent father, joined to the innate +goodness of your heart, must guide you through the warfare of life. +Never for one moment listen to the seductive voice of folly, whether its +advocate be man or woman.--If a man is profuse in flattery, believe him +an insidious betrayer, who only watches a favourable moment to ruin your +peace of mind for ever. Suffer no one to lessen your husband in your +esteem: no one will attempt it, but from sinister views; disappoint all +such, either by grave remonstrances or lively sallies. Perhaps some will +officiously bring you informations of the supposed infidelity of your +husband, in hopes they may induce you to take a fashionable +revenge.--Labour to convince such, how you detest all informers; speak +of your confidence in him,--and that nothing shall persuade you but that +he acts as he ought. But, since the heart of man naturally loves +variety, and, from the depravity of the age, indulgences, which I call +criminal, are allowed to them, Sir William may not pay that strict +obedience to his part of the marriage contract as he ought; remember, my +dear, his conduct can never exculpate any breach in your's. Gentleness +and complacency on your part are the only weapons you should prove to +any little irregularity on his. By such behaviour, I doubt not, you will +be happy, as you will deserve to be so." + +Ah! my dear Louisa, what a loss shall I have in this venerable +monitress! I will treasure up her excellent advice, and hope to reap the +benefit of it. + +If I dislike Lady Besford, I think I have more reason to be displeased +with Lady Anne Parker.--She has more artifice, and is consequently a +more dangerous companion. She has more than once given hints of the +freedoms which Sir William allows in himself.--The other night at the +opera she pointed out one of the dancers, and assured me, "Sir William +was much envied for having subdued the virtue of that girl. That," +continued she, "was her _vis a vis_ that you admired this morning; she +lives in great taste; I suppose her allowance is superb." It is quite +the _ton_ to keep opera-girls, though, perhaps, the men who support them +never pay them a visit.--I therefore concluded this affair was one of +that sort. Such creatures can never deprive me of my husband's heart, +and I should be very weak to be uneasy about such connexions. + +Last night, however, a circumstance happened, which, I own, touched my +heart more sensibly. Lady Anne insisted on my accompanying her to the +opera. Sir William dined out; and, as our party was sudden, knew not of +my intention of being there. Towards the end of the opera, I observed my +husband in one of the upper-boxes, with a very elegant-looking woman, +dressed in the genteelest taste, to whom he appeared very +assiduous.--"There is Sir William," said I.--"Yes," said Lady Anne, "but +I dare say, he did not expect to see you here." + +"Possibly not," I answered. A little female curiosity urged me to ask, +if she knew who that lady was? She smiled, and answered, "she believed +she did." A very favourite air being then singing, I dropped the +conversation, though I could not help now and then stealing a look at my +husband. I was convinced he must see and know me, as my situation in the +house was very conspicuous; but I thought he seemed industriously to +avoid meeting my eyes.--The opera being ended, we adjourned to the +coffee-room; and, having missed Sir William a little time before, +naturally expected to see him there; as it is customary for all the +company to assemble there previous to their going to their carriages. + +A great number of people soon joined us. Baron Ton-hausen had just +handed me a glass of orgeat; and was chatting in an agreeable manner, +when Lord Biddulph came up. "Lady Stanley," said he, with an air of +surprize, "I thought I saw you this moment in Sir William's chariot. I +little expected the happiness of meeting you here." + +"You saw Sir William, my Lord, I believe," said Lady Anne; "but as to +the Lady, you are mistaken--though I should have supposed you might have +recognized your old friend Lucy Gardiner; they were together in one of +the boxes.--Sly wretch! he thought we did not see him." + +"Oh! you ladies have such penetrating eyes," replied his Lordship, "that +we poor men--and especially the married ones, ought to be careful how we +conduct ourselves. But, my dear Lady Stanley, how have you been +entertained? Was not Rauzzini exquisite?" + +"Can you ask how her Ladyship has been amused, when you have just +informed her, her _Caro Sposo_ was seen with a favourite Sultana?" + +"Pshaw!" said his Lordship, "there is nothing in that--_tout la mode de +Francois_. The conduct of an husband can not discompose a Lady of sense. +What says the lovely Lady Stanley?" + +"I answer," I replied very seriously, "Sir William has an undoubted +right to act as he pleases. I never have or ever intend to prescribe +rules to him; sufficient, I think, to conduct self." + +"Bravo!" cried Lord Biddulph, "spoke like a heroine: and I hope my dear +Lady Stanley will act as she pleases too." + +"I do when I can," I answered.--Then, turning to Lady Anne, "Not to +break in on your amusement," I continued, "will you give me leave to +wait on you to Brook-street? you know you have promised to sup with me." + +"Most chearfully," said she;--"but will you not ask the beaux to attend +us?" + +Lord Biddulph said, he was most unfortunately engaged to Lady D--'s +route. The Baron refused, as if he wished to be intreated. Lady Anne +would take no denial; and, when I assured him his company would give me +pleasure, he consented. + +I was handed to the coach by his Lordship, who took that opportunity of +condemning Sir William's want of taste; and lavishing the utmost +encomiums on your Julia--with whom they passed as nothing. If Sir +William is unfaithful, Lord Biddulph is not the man to reconcile me to +the sex. I feel his motives in too glaring colours. No, the soft +timidity of Ton-hausen, which, while it indicates the profoundest +respect, still betrays the utmost tenderness--he it is alone who could +restore the character of mankind, and raise it again in my estimation. +But what have I said? Dear Louisa, I blush at having discovered to you, +that I am, past all doubt, the object of the Baron's tender sentiments. +Ah! can I mistake those glances, which modest reserve and deference urge +him to correct? Yet fear me not. I am married. My vows are registered in +the book of heaven; and as, by their irreversible decree, I am bound to +_honour_ and _obey_ my husband, so will I strive to _love_ him, and him +alone; though I have long since ceased to be the object of his? Of what +consequence, however, is that? I am indissolubly united to him; he was +the man of my choice--to say he was the first man I almost ever saw--and +to plead my youth and inexperience--oh! what does that avail? Nor does +his neglect justify the least on my part. + + "For man the lawless libertine may rove." + +But this is a strange digression. The Baron accompanied us to supper. +During our repast, Lady Anne made a thousand sallies to divert us. My +mind, however, seemed that night infected by the demon of despair. I +could not be chearful--and yet, I am sure, I was not jealous of this +Lucy Gardiner. Melancholy was contagious: Ton-hausen caught it--I +observed him sometimes heave a suppressed sigh. Lady Anne was determined +to dissipate the gloom which inveloped us, and began drawing, with her +satirical pen, the characters of her acquaintance. + +"Baron," said she, "did you not observe Lord P--, with his round +unthinking face--how assiduous he was to Miss W----, complimenting her +on the brilliancy of her complexion, though he knows she wore more +_rouge_ than almost any woman of quality--extolling her _forest of +hair_, when most likely he saw it this morning brought in a +band-box--and celebrating the pearly whiteness of her teeth, when he was +present at their transplanting? But he is not a slave to propriety, or +even common sense. No, dear creature, he has a soul above it. But did +you not take notice of Lady L----, how she ogled Capt. F. when her booby +Lord turned his head aside? What a ridiculous fop is that! The most +glaring proofs will not convince him of his wife's infidelity. 'Captain +F.' said he to me yesterday at court; 'Captain F. I assure you, Lady +Anne, is a great favourite with me.' 'It is a family partiality,' said +I; 'Lady L. seems to have no aversion to him.' 'Ah, there you mistake, +fair Lady. I want my Lady to have the same affection for him I have. He +has done all he can to please her, and yet she does not seem satisfied +with him.' 'Unconscionable!' cried I, 'why then she is never to be +satisfied.' 'Why so I say; but it proceeds from the violence of her +attachment to me. Oh! Lady Anne, she is the most virtuous and +discreetest Lady. I should be the happiest man in the world, if she +would but shew a little more consideration to my friend.' I think it a +pity he does not know his happiness, as I have not the least doubt of F. +and her Ladyship having a pretty good understanding together." Thus was +the thoughtless creature running on unheeded by either of us, when her +harangue was interrupted by an alarming accident happening to me. I had +sat some time, leaning my head on my hand; though, God knows! paying +very little attention to Lady Anne's sketches, when some of the +superfluous ornaments of my head-dress, coming rather too near the +candle, caught fire, and the whole farrago of ribbands, lace, and +gew-gaws, were instantly in flames. I shrieked out in the utmost terror, +and should have been a very great sufferer--perhaps been burnt to +death--had not the Baron had the presence of mind to roll my head, +flames and all, up in my shawl, which fortunately hung on the back of my +chair; and, by such precaution, preserved the _capitol_. How ridiculous +are the fashions, which render us liable to such accidents! My fright, +however, proved more than the damage sustained. When the flames were +extinguished, I thought Lady Anne would have expired with mirth; owing +to the disastrous figure I made with my singed feathers, &c. The +whimsical distress of the heroine of the Election Ball presented itself +to her imagination; and the pale face of the affrighted Baron, during +the conflagration, heightened the picture. "Even such a man," she cried, +"so dead in look, so woe-be-gone! Excuse me, dear Ton-hausen--The danger +is over now. I must indulge my risible faculties." + +"I will most readily join with your Ladyship," answered the Baron, "as +my joy is in proportion to what were my apprehensions. But I must +condemn a fashion which is so injurious to the safety of the ladies." + +The accident, however, disconcerted me not a little, and made me quite +unfit for company. They saw the chagrin painted on my features, and soon +took leave of me. + +I retired to my dressing-room, and sent for Win, to inspect the almost +ruinated fabrick; but such is the construction now-a-days, that a head +might burn for an hour without damaging the genuine part of it. A lucky +circumstance! I sustained but little damage--in short, nothing which +Monsieur _Corross_ could not remedy in a few hours. + +My company staying late, and this event besides, retarded my retiring to +rest till near three in the morning. I had not left my dressing-room +when Sir William entered. + +"Good God! not gone to bed yet, Julia? I hope you did not sit up for me. +You know that is a piece of ceremony I would chuse to dispense with; as +it always carries a tacit reproach under an appearance of tender +solicitude." I fancied I saw in his countenance a consciousness that he +deserved reproach, and a determination to begin first to find fault. I +was vexed, and answered, "You might have waited for the reproach at +least, before you pre-judged my conduct. Nor can you have any +apprehensions that I should make such, having never taken that liberty. +Neither do you do me justice in supposing me capable of the meanness you +insinuate, on finding me up at this late hour. That circumstance is +owing to an accident, by which I might have been a great sufferer; and +which, though you so unkindly accuse me of being improperly prying and +curious, I will, if you permit me, relate to you, in order to justify +myself." He certainly expected I should ask some questions which would +be disagreeable to him; and therefore, finding me totally silent on that +head, his features became more relaxed; he enquired, with some +tenderness, what alarming accident I hinted at. I informed him of every +circumstance.--My account put him into good humour; and we laughed over +the droll scene very heartily. Observing, however, I was quite _en +dishabille_, "My dear girl," cried he, throwing his arm round me, "I +doubt you will catch cold, notwithstanding you so lately represented a +burning-mountain. Come," continued he, "will you go to bed?" While he +spoke, he pressed me to his bosom; and expressed in his voice and manner +more warmth of affection than he had discovered since I forsook the +mountains. He kissed me several times with rapture; and his eyes dwelt +on me with an ardor I have long been unused to behold. The adventure at +the opera returned to my imagination. These caresses, thought I, have +been bestowed on one, whose prostituted charms are more admired than +mine. I sighed--"Why do you sigh, Julia?" asked my husband. "I know +not," I answered. "I ought not to sigh in the very moment I am receiving +proofs of your affection. But I have not lately received such proofs, +and therefore perhaps I sighed." + +"You are a foolish girl, Julia, yet a good one too"--cried he, kissing +me again: "Foolish, to fancy I do not love you; and a good girl, not to +ask impertinent questions. That is, your tongue is silent, but you have +wicked eyes, Julia, that seek to look into my inmost thoughts."--"Then I +will shut them," said I, affecting to laugh--but added, in a more +serious tone--"I will see no further than you would wish me; to please +you, I will _be blind, insensible and blind_." + +"But, as you are not deaf, I will tell you what you well know--that I +was at the opera--and with a lady too.--Do not, however, be jealous, my +dear: the woman I was with was perfectly indifferent to me. I met her by +accident--but I had a mind to see what effect such a piece of flirtation +would have on you. I am not displeased with your behaviour; nor would I +have you so with mine." + +"I will in all my best obey you," said I.--"Then go to bed," said +he--"_To bed, my love, and I will follow thee_." + +You will not scruple to pronounce this a reasonable long letter, my dear +Louisa, for a modern fine lady.--Ah! shield me from that character! +Would to heaven Sir William was no more of the modern fine gentleman in +his heart! I could be happy with him.--Yes, Louisa--was I indeed the +object of his affections, not merely so of his passions, which, I fear, +I am, I could indeed be happy with him. My person still invites his +caresses--but for the softer sentiments of the soul--that ineffable +tenderness which depends not on the tincture of the skin--of that, alas! +he has no idea. A voluptuary in love, he professes not that delicacy +which refines all its joys. His is all passion; sentiment is left out of +the catalogue. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I hope, my dearest Louisa will not be too much alarmed at a whole +fortnight's silence. Ah! Louisa, the event which occasioned it may be +productive of very fatal consequences to me--yet I will not despair. No, +I will trust in a good God, and the virtuous education I have had. They +will arm me to subdue inclinations, irreversible fate has rendered +improper. But to the point. + +Two or three nights after I wrote my last, I went to the play.--Lady +Anne, Colonel Montague, and a Miss Finch, were the party. Unhappily, the +after-piece represented was one obtruded on the public by an author +obnoxious to some of them; and there were two parties formed, one to +condemn, the other to support. Wholly unacquainted with a thing of this +kind, I soon began to be alarmed at the clamour which rang from every +part of the house. The glass chandeliers first fell a victim to a +hot-headed wretch in the pit; and part of the shattered fragments was +thrown into my lap. My fears increased to the highest degree--No one +seemed to interest themselves about me. Colonel Montague being an +admirer of Miss Finch, his attention was paid to her. The ladies were +ordered out of the house. I was ready enough to obey the summons, and +was rushing out, when my passage was stopped by a concourse of people in +the lobby. The women screaming--men swearing--altogether--I thought I +should die with terror. "Oh! let me come out, let me come out!" I cried, +with uplifted hands.--No one regarded me. And I might have stood +screaming in concert with the rest till this time, had not the Baron +most seasonably come to my assistance. He broke through the croud with +incredible force, and flew to me. "Dearest Lady Stanley," cried he, +"recover your spirits--you are in no danger. I will guard you to your +carriage." Others were equally anxious about their company, and every +one striving to get out first increased the difficulty. Many ladies +fainted in the passages, which, being close, became almost suffocating. +Every moment our difficulties and my fears increased. I became almost +insensible. The Baron most kindly supported me with one arm--and with +the other strove to make way. The men even pushed with rudeness by me. +Ton-hausen expostulated and raved by turns: at length he drew his sword, +which terrified me to such a degree, that I was sinking to the +earth--and really gave myself up totally to despair. The efforts he made +at last gained us a passage to the great door--and, without waiting to +ask any questions, he put me into a coach that happened to be near: as +to my carriage, it was not to be found--or probably some others had used +the same freedom with that we had now with one unknown to us. + +As soon as we were seated, Ton-hausen expressed his joy in the strongest +terms, that we had so happily escaped any danger. I was so weak, that he +thought it necessary to support me in his arms; and though I had no +cause to complain of any freedom in his manner, yet the warmth of his +expression, joined to my foregoing fright, had such an effect on me, +that, though I did not wholly lose my senses, I thought I was dying--I +never fainted in my life before; to my ignorance, then, must be imputed +my fears and foolish behaviour in consequence. "Oh! carry me somewhere," +cried I, gasping; "do not let me die here! for God's sake, do not let me +die in the coach!" + +"My angel," said the Baron, "do not give way to such imaginary terrors. +I will let down the glasses--you will be better presently." But finding +my head, which I could no longer support, drop on his shoulder, and a +cold damp bedew my face, he gave a loose to his tenderness, which viewed +itself in his attention to my welfare. He pressed me almost frantic to +his bosom, called on me in the most endearing terms. He thought me +insensible. He knew not I could hear the effusions of his heart. Oh! +Louisa, he could have no idea how they sunk in mine. Among the rest, +these broken sentences were distinct, "Oh! my God! what will become of +me! Dearest, most loved of women, how is my heart distracted! And shall +I lose thee thus? Oh! how shall I support thy loss! Too late found--ever +beloved of my soul! Thy Henry will die with thee!" Picture to yourself, +my Louisa, what were my sensations at this time. I have no words to +express them--or, if I could, they would be unfit for me to express. The +sensations themselves ought not to have found a passage in my bosom. I +will drive them away, Louisa, I will not give them harbour. I no longer +knew what was become of me: I became dead to all appearance. The Baron, +in a state of distraction, called to the coachman, to stop any where, +where I could receive assistance. Fortunately we were near a chemist's. +Ton-hausen carried me in his arms to a back room--and, by the +application of drops, &c. I was restored to life. I found the Baron +kneeling at my feet, and supporting me. It was a long time before he +could make me sensible where I was. My situation in a strange place, and +the singularity of our appearance, affected me extremely--I burst into +tears, and entreated the Baron to get me a chair to convey me home. "A +chair! Lady Stanley; will not you then permit me to attend you home? +Would you place yourself under the protection of two strangers, rather +than allow me that honour?" + +"Ah! excuse me, Baron," I answered, "I hardly know what I said. Do as +you please, only let me go home." And yet, Louisa, I felt a dread on +going into the same carriage with him. I thought myself extremely absurd +and foolish; yet I could not get the better of my apprehensions. How +vain they were! Never could any man behave with more delicate attention, +or more void of that kind of behaviour which might have justified my +fears. His despair had prompted the discovery of his sentiments. He +thought me incapable of hearing the secret of his soul; and it was +absurd to a degree for me, by an unnecessary circumspection, to let him +see I had unhappily been a participater of his secret. There was, +however, an aukward consciousness in my conduct towards him, I could not +divest myself of. I wished to be at home. I even expressed my impatience +to be alone. He sighed, but made no remonstrances against my childish +behaviour, though his pensive manner made it obvious he saw and felt it. +Thank God! at last we got home. "It would be rude," said he, "after your +ladyship has so frequently expressed your wish to be alone, to obtrude +my company a moment longer than absolutely necessary; but, if you will +allow me to remain in your drawing-room till I hear you are a little +recovered, I shall esteem it a favour." + +"I have not a doubt of being much better," I returned, "when I have had +a little rest. I am extremely indebted to you for the care you have +taken. I must repay it, by desiring you to have some consideration for +yourself: rest will be salutary for both; and I hope to return you a +message in the morning, that I am not at all the worse for this +disagreeable adventure. Adieu, Baron, take my advice." He bowed, and +cast on me such a look--He seemed to correct himself.--Oh! that look! +what was not expressed in it! Away, away, all such remembrances. + +The consequences, however, were not to end here. I soon found other +circumstances which I had not thought on. In short my dear Louisa, I +must now discover to you a secret, which I had determined to keep some +time longer at least. Not even Sir William knew of it. I intended to +have surprized you all; but this vile play-house affair put an end to my +hopes, and very near to my life. For two days, my situation was very +critical. As soon as the danger was over, I recovered apace. The Baron +was at my door several times in the day, to enquire after me. And Win +said, who once saw him, that he betrayed more anxiety than any one +beside. + +Yesterday was the first of my seeing any company. The Baron's name was +the first announced. The sound threw me into a perturbation I laboured +to conceal. Sir William presented him to me. I received his compliment +with an aukward confusion. My embarrassment was imputed, by my husband, +to the simple bashfulness of a country rustic--a bashfulness he +generally renders more insupportable by the ridiculous light he chuses +to make me appear in, rather than encouraging in me a better opinion of +myself, which, sometimes, he does me the honour of saying, I ought to +entertain. The Baron had taken my hand in the most respectful manner. I +suffered him to lift it to his lips. "Is it thus," said Sir William, +"you thank your deliverer? Had I been in your place, Julia, I should +have received my champion with open arms--at least have allowed him a +salute. But the Baron is a modest young man. Come, I will set you the +example."--Saying which, he caught me in his arms, and kissed me. I was +extremely chagrined, and felt my cheeks glow, not only with shame, but +anger. "You are too violent, Sir William," said I very gravely. "You +have excessively disconcerted me." "I will allow," said he, "I might +have been too eager: now you shall experience the difference between the +extatic ardor of an adoring husband, and the cool complacency of a +friend. Nay, nay," continued he, seeing a dissenting look, "you must +reward the Baron, or I shall think you either very prudish, or angry +with me." Was there ever such inconsiderate behaviour? Ton-hausen seemed +fearful of offending--yet not willing to lose so fair an opportunity. +Oh! Louisa, as Sir William said, I _did_ experience a difference. But +Sir William is no adoring husband. The Baron's lips trembled as they +touched mine; and I felt an emotion, to which I was hitherto a stranger. + +I was doomed, however, to receive still more shocks. On the Baron's +saying he was happy to see me so well recovered after my fright, and +hoped I had found no disagreeable consequence--"No disagreeable +consequence!" repeated Sir William, with the most unfeeling air; "Is the +loss of a son and heir then nothing? It may be repaired," he continued, +laughing, "to be sure; but I am extremely disappointed." Are you not +enraged with your brother-in-law, Louisa? How indelicate! I really could +no longer support these mortifications, though I knew I should mortally +offend him; I could not help leaving the room in tears; nor would I +return to it, till summoned by the arrival of other company. I did not +recover my spirits the whole evening. + +Good God! how different do men appear sometimes from themselves! I often +am induced to ask myself, whether I really gave my hand to the man I now +see in my husband. Ah! how is he changed! I reflect for hours together +on the unaccountableness of his conduct. How he is carried away by the +giddy multitude. He is swayed by every passion, and the last is the +ruling one-- + + "Is every thing by starts, and nothing long." + +A time may come, when he may see his folly; I hope, before it be too +late to repair it. Why should such a man marry? Or why did fate lead him +to our innocent retreat? Oh! why did I foolishly mistake a rambling +disposition, and a transient liking, for a permanent attachment? But why +do I run on thus? Dear Louisa, you will think me far gone in a phrenzy. +But, believe me, I will ever deserve your tender affection. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Good heavens! what a variety of emotions has your last letter excited in +my breast! Surely, my Julia did not give it a second perusal! I can make +allowance for the expressions of gratitude which you (in a manner +lavish, not) bestow on the Baron. But oh! beware, my beloved sister, +that your gratitude becomes not too warm; that sentiment, so laudable +when properly placed, should it be an introduction to what my fears and +tenderness apprehend, would change to the most impious.--You already +perceive a visible difference between him and your husband--I assert, no +woman ought to make a comparison,--'tis dangerous, 'tis fatal. Sir +William was the man of your choice;--it is true you were young; but +still you ought to respect your choice as sacred.--You are still young; +and although you may have seen more of the world, I doubt your +sentiments are little mended by your experience. The knowledge of the +world--at least so it appears to me--is of no further use than to bring +one acquainted with vice, and to be less shocked at the idea of it. Is +this then a knowledge to which we should wish to attain?--Ah! believe +me, it had been better for you to have blushed unseen, and lost your +sweetness in the desart air, than to have, in _the busy haunts of men_, +hazarded the privation of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever_. Think +what I suffer; and, constrained to treasure up my anxious fears in my +own bosom, I have no one to whom I can vent my griefs: and indeed to +whom could I impart the terrors which fill my soul, when I reflect on +the dangers by which my sister, the darling of my affections, is +surrounded? Oh, Julia! you know how fatally I have experienced the +interest a beloved object has in the breast of a tender woman; how ought +we then to guard against the admission of a passion destructive to our +repose, even in its most innocent and harmless state, while we are +single!--But how much more should _you_ keep a strict watch over every +outlet of the heart, lest it should fall a prey to the insidious +enemy;--you respect his silence;--you pity his sufferings.--Reprobate +respect!--abjure pity!--they are both in your circumstances dangerous; +and a well-experienced writer has observed, more women have been ruined +by pity, than have fallen a sacrifice to appetite and passion. Pity is a +kindred virtue, and from the innocence and complacency of her +appearance, we suspect no ill; but dangers inexplicable lurk beneath the +tear that trembles in her eye; and, without even knowing that we do so, +we make a fatal transfer to our utter and inevitable disadvantage. From +having the power of bestowing compassion, we become objects of it from +others, though too frequently, instead of receiving it, we find +ourselves loaded with the censure of the world. We look into our own +bosoms for consolation: alas! it is flown with our innocence; and in its +room we feel the sharpest stings of self-reproof. My Julia, my tears +obliterate each mournful passage of my pen. + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XVI. + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enough, my dearest sister, enough have you suffered through your +unremitted tenderness to your Julia;--yet believe her, while she vows to +the dear bosom of friendship, no action of her's shall call a blush on +your cheek. Good God! what a wretch should I be, if I could abuse such +sisterly love! if, after such friendly admonitions, enforced with so +much moving eloquence, your Julia should degenerate from her birth, and +forget those lessons of virtue early inculcated by the best of fathers! +If, after all these, she should suffer herself to be immersed in the +vortex of folly and vice, what would she not deserve! Oh! rest assured, +my dearest dear Louisa, be satisfied, your sister cannot be so +vile,--remember the same blood flows through our veins; one parent stock +we sprang from; nurtured by one hand; listening at the same time to the +same voice of reason; learning the same pious lesson--why then these +apprehensions of my degeneracy? Trust me, Louisa, I will not deceive +you; and God grant I may never deceive myself! The wisest of men has +said, "the heart of man is deceitful above all things." I however will +strictly examine mine; I will search into it narrowly; at present the +search is not painful; I have nothing to reproach myself with; I have, I +hope, discharged my filial and fraternal duties; my matrimonial ones are +inviolate: I have studied the temper of Sir William, in hopes I should +discover a rule for my actions; but how can I form a system from one so +variable as he is? Would to heaven he was more uniform! or that he would +suffer himself to be guided by his own understanding, and not by the +whim or caprice of others so much inferior to himself! All this I have +repeated frequently to you, together with my wish to leave London, and +the objects with which I am daily surrounded.--Does such a wish look as +if I was improperly attached to the world, or any particular person in +it? You are too severe, my love, but when I reflect that your rigidity +proceeds from your unrivaled attachment, I kiss the rod of my +chastisement;--I long to fold my dear lecturer in my arms, and convince +her, that one, whose heart is filled with the affection that glows in +mine, can find no room for any sentiment incompatible with virtue, of +which she is the express image. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +If thy Julia falls, my beloved sister, how great will be her +condemnation! With such supports, and I hope I may add with an inward +rectitude of mind, I think she can never deviate from the right path. +You see, my Louisa, that not you alone are interested in my well-doing. +I have a secret, nay I may say, celestial friend and monitor,--a friend +it certainly is, though unknown;--all who give good counsel must be my +true and sincere friends. From whom I have received it, I know not; but +it shall be my study to merit the favour of this earthly or heavenly +conductor through the intricate mazes of life. I will no longer keep you +in ignorance of my meaning, but without delay will copy for you a letter +I received this morning; the original I have too much veneration for to +part with, even to you, who are dearer to me than almost all the world +beside.---- + +THE LETTER. + +"I cannot help anticipating the surprize your ladyship will be under, +from receiving a letter from an unknown hand; nor will the signature +contribute to develop the cloud behind which I chuse to conceal myself. + +My motives, I hope, will extenuate the boldness of my task; and I rely +likewise on the amiable qualities you so eminently possess, to pardon +the temerity of any one who shall presume to criticise the conduct of +one of the most lovely of God's works. + +I feel for you as a man, a friend, or, to sum up all, a guardian angel. +I see you on the brink of a steep precipice. I shudder at the danger +which you are not sensible of. You will wonder at my motive, and the +interest I take in your concerns.--It is from my knowledge of the +goodness of your heart: were you less amiable than you are, you would be +below my solicitude; I might be charmed with you as a woman, but I +should not venerate you;--nay, should possibly--enchanted as every one +must be with your personal attractions, join with those who seek to +seduce you to their own purposes. The sentiments I profess for you are +such as a tender father would feel--such as your own excellent father +cherishes; but they are accompanied by a warmth which can only be +equalled by their purity; such sentiments shall I ever experience while +you continue to deserve them, and every service in my power shall be +exerted in your favour. I have long wished for an opportunity of +expressing to you the tender care I take in your conduct through life. I +now so sensibly feel the necessity of apprizing you of the dangers which +surround you, that I wave all forms, and thus abruptly introduce myself +to your acquaintance--unknown, indeed, to you, but knowing you well, +reading your thoughts, and seeing the secret motives of all your +actions. Yes, Julia, I have watched you through life. Nay, start not, I +have never seen any action of your's but what had virtue for its +guide.--But to remain pure and uncontaminated in this vortex of vice, +requires the utmost strength and exertion of virtue. To avoid vice, it +is necessary to know its colour and complexion; and in this age, how +many various shapes it assumes! my task shall be to point them out to +you, to shew you the traps, the snares, and pitfalls, which the unwary +too frequently sink into;--to lead you by the hand through those +intricate paths beset with quicksands and numberless dangers;--to direct +your eyes to such objects as you may with safety contemplate, and induce +you to shut them for ever against such as may by their dire fascination +intice you to evil;--to conduct you to those endless joys hereafter, +which are to be the reward of the virtuous; and to have myself the +ineffable delight of partaking them with you, where no rival shall +interrupt my felicity. + +I am a Rosicrusian by principle; I need hardly tell you, they are a sect +of philosophers, who by a life of virtue and self-denial have obtained +an heavenly intercourse with aerial beings;--as my internal knowledge of +you (to use the expression) is in consequence of my connexion with the +Sylphiad tribe, I have assumed the title of my familiar counsellor. +This, however, is but as a preface to what I mean to say to you;--I have +hinted, I knew you well;--when I thus expressed myself, it should be +understood, I spoke in the person of the Sylph, which I shall +occasionally do, as it will be writing with more perspicuity in the +first instance; and, as he is employed by me, I may, without the +appearance of robbery, safely appropriate to myself the knowledge he +gains. + +Every human being has a guardian angel; my skill has discovered your's; +my power has made him obedient to my will; I have a right to avail +myself of the intelligences he gains; and by him I have learnt every +thing that has passed since your birth;--what your future fortune is to +be, even he cannot tell; his view is circumscribed to a small point of +time; he only can tell what will be the consequence of taking this or +that step, but your free-agency prevents his impelling you to act +otherwise than as you see fit. I move upon a more enlarged sphere; he +tells me what will happen; and as I see the remote, as well as +immediate consequence, I shall, from time to time, give you my +advice.--Advice, however, when asked, is seldom adhered to; but when +given voluntarily, the receiver has no obligation to follow it.--I shall +in a moment discover how this is received by you; and your deviation +from the rules I shall prescribe will be a hint for me to withdraw my +counsel where it is not acceptable. All that then will remain for me, +will be to deplore your too early initiation in a vicious world, where +to escape unhurt or uncontaminated is next to a miracle. + +I said, I should soon discover whether my advice would be taken in the +friendly part it is offered: I shall perceive it the next time I have +the happiness of beholding you, and I see you every day; I am never one +moment absent from you in idea, and in my _mind's eye_ I see you each +moment; only while I conceal myself from you, can I be of service to +you;--press not then to discover who I am; but be convinced--nay, I +shall take every opportunity to convince you, that I am the most sincere +and disinterested of your friends; I am a friend to your soul, my Julia, +and I flatter myself mine is congenial with your's. + +I told you, you were surrounded with dangers; the greatest perhaps comes +from the quarter least suspected; and for that very reason, because, +where no harm is expected, no guard is kept. Against such a man as Lord +Biddulph, a watchful centinel is planted at every avenue. I caution you +not against him; there you are secure; no temptation lies in that path, +no precipice lurks beneath those footsteps. You never can fall, unless +your heart takes part with the tempter; and I am morally certain a man +of Lord Biddulph's cast can never touch your's; and yet it is of him you +seem most apprehensive. Ask yourself, is it not because he has the +character of a man of intrigue? Do you not feel within your own breast a +repugnance to the assiduities he at all times takes pains to shew you? +Without doubt, Lord Biddulph has designs upon you;--and few men approach +you without. Oh! Julia, it is difficult for the most virtuous to behold +you daily, and suppress those feelings your charms excite. In a breast +inured to too frequent indulgence in vicious courses, your beauty will +be a consuming fire, but in a soul whose delight is moral rectitude, it +will be a cherishing flame, that animates, not destroys. But how few the +latter! And how are you to distinguish the insidious betrayer from the +open violator. To you they are equally culpable; but only one can be +fatal. Ask your own heart--the criterion, by which I would have you +judge--ask your own heart, which is intitled to your detestation most; +the man who boldly attacks you, and by his threats plainly tells you he +is a robber; or the one, who, under the semblance of imploring your +charity, deprives you of your most valued property? Will it admit of a +doubt? Make the application: examine yourself, and I conjure you examine +your acquaintance; but be cautious whom you trust. Never make any of +your male visitors the _confidant_ of any thing which passes between +yourself and husband. This can never be done without a manifest breach +of modest decorum. Have I not said enough for the present? Yet let me +add thus much, to secure to myself your confidence. I wish you to place +an unlimited one in me; continue to do so, while I continue to merit it; +and by this rule you shall judge of my merit--The moment you discover +that I urge you to any thing improper, or take advantage of my +self-assumed office, and insolently prescribe when I should only point +out, or that I should seem to degrade others in your eyes, and +particularly your husband, believe me to be an impostor, and treat me +as such; disregard my sinister counsel, and consign me to that scorn and +derision I shall so much deserve. But, while virtue inspires my pen, +afford me your attention; and may that God, whom I attest to prove my +truth, ever be indulgent to you, and for ever and ever protect you! So +prays + +Your SYLPH." + +Who can it be, my Louisa, who takes this friendly interest in my +welfare? It cannot be Lady Melford; the address bespeaks it to be a man; +but what man is the question; one too who sees me every day: it cannot +be the Baron, for he seems to say, Ton-hausen is a more dangerous person +than Lord Biddulph. But why do I perplex myself with guessing? Of what +consequence is it who is my friend, since I am convinced he is sincere. +Yes! thou friendly monitor, I will be directed by thee! I shall now act +with more confidence, as my Sylph tells me he will watch over and +apprize me of every danger. I hope his task will not be a difficult one; +for, though ignorant, I am not obstinate--on the contrary, even Sir +William, whom I do not suspect of flattery, allows me to be extremely +docile. I am, my beloved Louisa, most affectionately, your's, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XVIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Blessed, forever blessed, be the friendly monitor! Oh! my Julia, how +fortunate are you, thus to become the care of heaven, which has raised +you up a guide, with all the dispositions, but with more enlarged +abilities than thy poor Louisa!--And much did you stand in need of a +guide, my sister: be not displeased that I write thus. But why do I +deprecate your anger? you, who were ever so good, so tender, and +indulgent to the apprehensions of your friends. Yet, indeed, my dear, +you are reprehensible in many passages of your letters, particularly the +last. You say, you cannot suspect Sir William of flattery; would you +wish him to be a flatterer? Did you think him such, when he swore your +charms had kindled the brightest flames in his bosom? No, Julia, you +gave him credit then for all he said; but, allowing him to be changed, +are you quite the same? No; with all the tenderness of my affection, I +cannot but think you are altered since your departure from the vale of +innocent simplicity. It is the knowledge of the world which has deprived +you of those native charms, above all others. Why are you not resolute +with Sir William, to leave London? Our acquiescence in matters which are +hurtful both to our principles and constitution is a weakness. Obedience +to the will of those who seek to seduce us from the right road is no +longer a virtue; but a reprehensible participation of our leader's +faults. Be assured, your husband will listen to your persuasive +arguments. Exert all your eloquence: and, Heaven, I beseech thee, grant +success to the undertaking of the dearest of all creatures to, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XIX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Ah! my dear Louisa, you are single, and know not the trifling influence +a woman has over her husband in this part of the world. Had I the +eloquence of Demosthenes or Cicero, it would fail. Sir William is +wedded--I was going to say, to the pleasures of this bewitching place. I +corrected myself in the instant; for, was he wedded, most probably he +would be as tired of it as he is of his wife. If I was to be resolute in +my determination to leave London, I must go by myself and, +notwithstanding such a circumstance might accord with his wishes, I do +not chuse to begin the separation. All the determination I can make is, +to strive to act so as to deserve a better fate than has fallen to my +lot. And, beset as I am on all sides, I shall have some little merit in +so doing. But you, my love, ought not to blame me so severely as you do. +Indeed, Louisa, if you knew the slights I hourly receive from my +husband, and the conviction which I have of his infidelity, you would +not criticize my expressions so harshly. I could add many more things, +which would justify me in the eye of the world, were I less cautious +than I am; but his failings would not extenuate any on my side. + +Would you believe that any man, who wished to preserve the virtue of his +wife, would introduce her to the acquaintance and protection of a woman +with whom he had had an intrigue? What an opinion one must have in +future of such a man! I am indebted for this piece of intelligence to +Lord Biddulph. I am grateful for the information, though I despise the +motive which induced him. Yes, Louisa! Lady Anne Parker is even more +infamous than Lady Besford--Nay, Lord Biddulph offered to convince me +they still had their private assignations. My pride, I own it, was more +wounded than my love, from this discovery, as it served to confirm me in +my idea, that Sir William never had a proper regard for me; but that he +married me merely because he could obtain me on no other terms. Yet, +although I was sensibly pained with this news, I endeavoured to conceal +my emotions from the disagreeable prying eyes of my informer. I affected +to disbelieve his assertions, and ridiculed his ill-policy in striving +to found his merit on such base and detestable grounds. He had too much +_effronterie_ to be chagrined with my raillery. I therefore assumed a +more serious air; and plainly told him, no man would dare to endeavour +to convince a woman of the infidelity of her husband, but from the +basest and most injurious motives; and, as such, was intitled to my +utmost contempt; that, from my soul, I despised both the information and +informer, and should give him proofs of it, if ever he should again have +the confidence to repeat his private histories to the destruction of the +peace and harmony of families. To extenuate his fault, he poured forth a +most elaborate speech, abounding with flattery; and was proceeding to +convince me of his adoration; but I broke off the discourse, by assuring +him, "I saw through his scheme from the first; but the man, who sought +to steal my heart from my husband, must pursue a very different course +from that he had followed; as it was very unlikely I should withdraw my +affections from one unworthy object, to place them on another infinitely +worse." He attempted a justification, which I would not allow him +opportunity of going on with, as I left the room abruptly. However, his +Lordship opened my eyes, respecting the conduct of Lady Anne. I have +mentioned, in a former letter, that she used to give hints about my +husband. I am convinced it was her jealousy, which prompted her to give +me, from time to time, little anecdotes of Sir William's _amours_. But +ought I to pardon him for introducing me to such a woman? Oh! Louisa! am +I to blame, if I no longer respect such a man? + +Yesterday I had a most convincing proof, that there are a sort of +people, who have all the influence over the heart of a man which a +virtuous wife ought to have--but seldom has: by some accident, a hook of +Sir William's waistcoat caught hold of the trimming of my sleeve. He had +just received a message, and, being in a hurry to disengage himself, +lifted up the flap of the waistcoat eagerly, and snatched it away; by +which means, two or three papers dropped out of the pocket; he seemed +not to know it, but flew out of the room, leaving them on the ground. I +picked them up but, I take heaven to witness, without the least +intention or thought of seeing the contents--when one being open, and +seeing my name written in a female hand, and the signature of _Lucy +Gardener_, my curiosity was excited to the greatest degree--yet I had a +severe conflict first with myself; but _femaleism_ prevailed, and I +examined the contents, which were as follow, for I wrote them down: + +"Is it thus, Sir William, you repay my tenderness in your favour? Go, +thou basest of all wretches! am I to be made continually a sacrifice to +every new face that strikes thy inconstant heart? If I was contented to +share you with a wife, and calmly acquiesced, do not imagine I shall +rest in peace till you have given up Lady Anne. How have you sworn you +would see her no more! How have you falsified your oath! you spent +several hours _tete a tete_ with her yesterday. Deny it not. I could +tear myself to pieces when I reflect, that I left Biddulph, who adored +me, whose whole soul was devoted to me,--to be slighted thus by +you.--Oh! that Lady Stanley knew of your baseness! yet she is only your +wife. Her virtue may console her for the infidelity of her husband; but +I have sacrificed every thing, and how am I repaid! Either be mine +alone, or never again approach + +LUCY GARDENER." + +The other papers were of little consequence. I deliberated some time +what I should do with this precious _morceau_; at last I resolved to +burn it, and give the remainder, with as much composure as possible, to +Sir William's _valet_, to restore to his master. I fancied he would +hardly challenge me about the _billet,_ as he is the most careless man +in the universe. You will perceive there is another case for Lord +Biddulph seeking to depreciate my husband. He has private revenge to +gratify, for the loss of his mistress. Oh! what wretches are these men! +Is the whole world composed of such?--No! even in this valley of vice I +see some exceptions; some, who do honour to the species to which they +belong. But I must not whisper to myself their perfections; and it is +less dangerous for me to dwell upon the vices of the one than the +virtues of the other. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XX. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +To keep my mind constantly employed upon different objects, and prevent +my thoughts attaching themselves to improper ones, I have lately +attended the card-tables. From being an indifferent spectator of the +various fashionable games, I became an actor in them; and at length play +proved very agreeable. As I was an utter novice at games of skill, those +of chance presented themselves as the best. At first I risked only +trifles; but, by little and little, my party encroached upon the rules I +had laid down, and I could no longer avoid playing their stake. But I +have done with play for ever. It is no longer the innocent amusement I +thought it; and I must find out some other method of spending my +time--since this might in the end be destructive. + +The other night, at a party, we made up a set at bragg, which was my +favourite game. After various vicissitudes, I lost every shilling I had +in my pocket; and, being a broken-merchant, sat silently by the table. +Every body was profuse in the offers of accommodating me with cash; but +I refused to accept their contribution. Lord Biddulph, whom you know to +be justly my aversion, was very earnest; but I was equally peremptory. +However, some time after, I could not resist the entreaty of Baron +Ton-hausen, who, in the genteelest manner, intreated me to make use of +his purse for the evening; with great difficulty he prevailed on me to +borrow ten guineas--and was once more set up. Fortune now took a +favourable turn, and when the party broke up, I had repaid the Baron, +replaced my original stock, and brought off ninety-five guineas. +Flushed with success, and more attached than ever to the game; I invited +the set to meet the day after the next at my house. I even counted the +hours till the time arrived. Rest departed from my eye-lids, and I felt +all the eagerness of expectation. + +About twelve o'clock of the day my company were to meet, I received a +pacquet, which I instantly knew to be from my ever-watchful Sylph. I +will give you the transcript. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +"I should be unworthy the character I have assumed, if my pen was to lie +dormant while I am sensible of the unhappy predilection which your +ladyship has discovered for gaming. Play, under proper +restrictions,--which however in this licentious town can never take +place--may not be altogether prejudicial to the morals of those who +engage in it for trifling sums. Your Ladyship finds it not practicable +always to follow your own inclinations, even in that particular. The +triumphant joy which sparkled in your eyes when success crowned your +endeavours, plainly indicated you took no common satisfaction in the +game. You, being a party so deeply interested, could not discover the +same appearances of joy and triumph in the countenances of some of those +you played with; nor, had you made the observation, could you have +guessed the cause. It has been said, by those who will say any thing to +carry on an argument which cannot be supported by reason, that cards +prevent company falling upon topics of scandal; it is a scandal to human +nature, that it should want such a resource from so hateful and detested +a vice. But be it so. It can only be so while the sum played for is of +too trifling a concern to excite the anxiety which avaricious minds +experience; and every one is more or less avaricious who gives up his +time to cards. + +If your ladyship could search into the causes of the unhappiness which +prevails in too many families in this metropolis, you would find the +source to be gaming either on the one side or the other. Whatever +appears licentious or vicious in men, in your sex becomes so in a +tenfold degree. The passionate exclamation--the half-uttered +imprecation, and the gloomy pallidness of the losing gamester, ill +accords with the female delicacy. But the evil rests not here. When a +woman has been drawn-in to lose larger sums than her allowance can +defray--even if she can submit to let her trades-people suffer from her +extravagant folly;--it most commonly happens, that they part with their +honour to discharge the account; at least, they are always suspected. +Would not the consideration of being obnoxious to such suspicion be +sufficient to deter any woman of virtue from running the hazard? You +made a firm resolution of not borrowing from the purses of any of the +gentlemen who wished to serve you; you for some time kept that +resolution; but, remember, it lasted no longer than when one particular +person made the offer. Was it your wish to oblige him? or did the desire +of gaming operate in that instant more powerful than in any other? +Whatever was your motive, the party immediately began to form hopes of +you; hopes, which, being founded in your weakness, you may be certain +were not to your advantage. + +To make a more forcible impression on your mind, your Ladyship must +allow me to lay before you a piece of private history, in which a noble +family of this town was deeply involved. The circumstances are +indubitable facts--their names I shall conceal under fictitious ones. A +few years since, Lord and Lady D. were the happiest of pairs in each +other. Love had been the sole motive of their union; and love presided +over every hour of their lives. Their pleasures were mutual, and neither +knew an enjoyment, in which the other did not partake. By an unhappy +mischance, Lady D. had an attachment to cards--which yet, however, she +only looked on as the amusement of an idle hour. Her person was +beautiful, and as such made her an object of desire in the eyes of Lord +L. Her virtue and affection for her husband would have been sufficient +to have damped the hopes of a man less acquainted with the weakness of +human nature than Lord L. Had he paid her a more than ordinary +attention, he would have awakened her suspicions, and put her on her +guard; he therefore pursued another method. He availed himself of her +love of play--and would now and then, seemingly by accident, engage her +in a party at picquet, which was her favourite game. He contrived to +lose trifling sums, to increase her inclination for play. Too fatally he +succeeded. Her predilection gathered strength every day. After having +been very unsuccessful for some hours at picquet, Lord L. proposed a +change of the game; a proposal which Lady D. could not object to, as +having won so much of his money. He produced a pair of dice. Luck still +ran against him. A generous motive induced Lady D. to offer him his +revenge the next evening at her own house. In the morning preceding the +destined evening, her lord signified his dislike of gaming with dice; +and instanced some families to whom it had proved destructive. Elate, +however, with good fortune--and looking on herself engaged in honour to +give Lord L. a chance of recovering his losses, she listened not to the +hints of her husband, nor did they recur to her thoughts till too late +to be of any service to her. + +The time so ardently expected by Lord L. now arrived, the devoted time +which was to put the long-destined victim into the power of her +insidious betrayer. Fortune, which had hitherto favoured Lady D--, now +deserted her--in a short time, her adversary reimbursed himself, and won +considerably besides. Adversity only rendered her more desperate. She +hazarded still larger stakes; every throw, however, was against her; and +no otherwise could it be, since his dice were loaded, and which he had +the dexterity to change unobserved by her. He lent her money, only to +win it back from her; in short, in a few hours, she found herself +stripped of all the cash she had in possession, and two thousand five +hundred pounds in debt. The disapprobation which her husband had +expressed towards dice-playing, and her total inability to discharge +this vast demand without his knowledge, contributed to make her distress +very great. She freely informed Lord L. she must be his debtor for some +time--as she could not think of acquainting Lord D. with her imprudence. +He offered to accept of part of her jewels, till it should be convenient +to her to pay the whole--or, if she liked it better, to play it off. To +the first, she said, she could not consent, as her husband would miss +them--and to the last she would by no means agree, since she suffered +too much already in her own mind from the imprudent part she had acted, +by risking so much more than she ought to have done. He then, +approaching her, took her hand in his; and, assuming the utmost +tenderness in his air, proceeded to inform her, it was in her power +amply to repay the debt, without the knowledge of her husband--and +confer the highest obligations upon himself. She earnestly begged an +explanation--since there was nothing she would not submit to, rather +than incur the censure of so excellent a husband. Without further +preface, Lord L. threw himself on his knees before her--and said, "if +her heart could not suggest the restitution, which the most ardent of +lovers might expect and hope for--he must take the liberty of informing +her, that bestowing on him the delightful privilege of an husband was +the only means of securing her from the resentment of one." At first, +she seemed thunder-struck, and unable to articulate a sentence. When she +recovered the use of speech, she asked him what he had seen in her +conduct, to induce him to believe she would not submit to any ill +consequences which might arise from the just resentment of her husband, +rather than not shew her detestation of such an infamous proposal. +"Leave me," added she; "leave me," in perfect astonishment at such +insolence of behaviour. He immediately rose, with a very different +aspect--and holding a paper in his hand, to which she had signed her +name in acknowledgment of the debt--"Then, Madam," said he, with the +utmost _sang-froid_--"I shall, to-morrow morning, take the liberty of +waiting on Lord D. with this." "Stay, my Lord, is it possible you can be +so cruel and hard a creditor?--I consent to make over to you my annual +allowance, till the whole is discharged." "No, Madam," cried he, shaking +his head,--"I cannot consent to any such subterfuges, when you have it +in your power to pay this moment." "Would to heaven I had!" answered +she.--"Oh, that you have, most abundantly!" said he.--"Consider the +hours we have been _tete a tete_ together; few people will believe we +have spent all the time at play. Your reputation then will suffer; and, +believe me while I attest heaven to witness, either you must discharge +the debt by blessing me with the possession of your charms, or Lord D. +shall be made acquainted with every circumstance. Reflect," continued +he, "two thousand five hundred pounds is no small sum, either for your +husband to pay, or me to receive.--Come, Madam, it grows late.--In a +little time, you will not have it in your power to avail yourself of the +alternative. Your husband will soon return and then you may wish in vain +that you had yielded to my love, rather than have subjected yourself to +my resentment." She condescended to beg of him, on her knees, for a +longer time for consideration; but he was inexorable, and at last she +fatally consented to her own undoing. The next moment, the horror of her +situation, and the sacrifice she had made, rushed on her tortured +imagination. "Give me the fatal paper," cried she, wringing her hands in +the utmost agony, "give me that paper, for which I have parted with my +peace for ever, and leave me. Oh! never let me in future behold +you.--What do I say? Ah! rather let my eyes close in everlasting +darkness;--they are now unworthy to behold the face of Heaven!" "And do +you really imagine, Madam, (all-beautiful as you are) the lifeless +half-distracted body, you gave to my arms, a recompence for +five-and-twenty hundred pounds?--Have you agreed to your bargain? Is it +with tears, sighs, and reluctant struggles, you meet your husband's +caresses? Be mine as you are his, and the bond is void--otherwise, I am +not such a spendthrift as to throw away thousands for little less than a +rape." + +"Oh! thou most hateful and perfidious of all monsters! too dearly have I +earned my release--Do not then, do not with-hold my right." + +"Hush, Madam, hush," cried he with the most provoking coolness, "your +raving will but expose you to the ridicule of your domestics. You are at +present under too great an agitation of spirits to attend to the calm +dictates of reason. I will wait till your ladyship is in a more even +temper. When I receive your commands, I will attend them, and hope the +time will soon arrive when you will be better disposed to listen to a +tender lover who adores you, rather than to seek to irritate a man who +has you in his power." Saying which, he broke from her, leaving her in a +state of mind, of which you, Madam, I sincerely hope, will never be able +to form the slightest idea. With what a weight of woe she stole up into +her bed-chamber, unable to bear the eye of her domestic! How fallen in +her own esteem, and still bending under the penalty of her bond, as +neither prayers nor tears (and nothing else was she able to offer) could +obtain the release from the inexorable and cruel Lord L. + +How was her anguish increased, when she heard the sound of her Lord's +footstep! How did she pray for instant death! To prevent any +conversation, she feigned sleep--sleep, which now was banished from her +eye-lids. Guilt had driven the idea of rest from her bosom. The morning +brought no comfort on its wings--to her the light was painful. She still +continued in bed. She framed the resolution of writing to the destroyer +of her repose. She rose for that purpose; her letter was couched in +terms that would have pierced the bosom of the most obdurate savage. All +the favour she intreated was, to spare the best of husbands, and the +most amiable and beloved of men, the anguish of knowing how horrid a +return she had made, in one fatal moment, for the years of felicity she +had tasted with him: again offered her alimony, or even her jewels, to +obtain the return of her bond. She did not wish for life. Death was now +her only hope;--but she could not support the idea of her husband's +being acquainted with her infamy. What advantage could he (Lord L.) +propose to himself from the possession of her person, since tears, +sighs, and the same reluctance, would still accompany every repetition +of her crime--as her heart, guilty as it now was, and unworthy as she +had rendered herself of his love, was, and ever must be, her husband's +only. In short, she urged every thing likely to soften him in her +favour. But this fatal and circumstantial disclosure of her guilt and +misfortunes was destined to be conveyed by another messenger than she +designed. Lord D--, having that evening expected some one to call on +him, on his return enquired, "if any one had been there." He was +answered, "Only Lord L." "Did he stay?" "Yes, till after +eleven."--Without thinking of any particularity in this, he went up to +bed. He discovered his wife was not asleep--to pretend to be so, alarmed +him. He heard her frequently sigh; and, when she thought him sunk in +that peaceful slumber she had forfeited, her distress increased. His +anxiety, however, at length gave way to fatigue; but with the morning +his doubts and fears returned; yet, how far from guessing the true +cause! He saw a letter delivered to a servant with some caution, whom he +followed, and insisted on knowing for whom it was intended. The servant, +ignorant of the contents, and not at all suspicious he was doing an +improper thing, gave it up to his Lordship. Revenge lent him wings, and +he flew to the base destroyer of his conjugal happiness.--You may +suppose what followed.--In an hour Lord D. was brought home a lifeless +corpse. Distraction seized the unhappy wife; and the infamous cause of +this dreadful calamity fled his country. He was too hardened, however, +in guilt, to feel much remorse from this catastrophe, and made no +scruple of relating the circumstances of it. + +To you, Madam, I surely need make no comment. Nor do I need say any more +to deter you from so pernicious a practice as gaming. Suspect a Lord L. +in every one who would induce you to play; and remember they are the +worst seducers, and the most destructive enemies, who seek to gain your +heart by ruining your principles. + +Adieu, Madam! Your ever-watchful angel will still hover over you. And +may that God, who formed both you and me, enable me to give you good +counsel, and dispose your heart to follow it! + +Your faithful SYLPH." + +Lady STANLEY in Continuation + +Alas, my Louisa! what would become of your Julia without this +respectable monitor? Would to heaven I knew who he was! or, how I might +consult him upon some particular circumstances! I examine the features +of my guests in hopes to discover my secret friend; but my senses are +perplexed and bewildered in the fruitless search. It is certainly a +weakness; but, absolutely, my anxiety to obtain this knowledge has an +effect on my health and spirits; my thoughts and whole attention rest +solely on this subject. I call it a weakness, because I ought to remain +satisfied with the advantages which accrue to me from this +correspondence, without being inquisitively curious who it may be; yet I +wish to ask some questions. I am uneasy, and perhaps in some instances +my Sylph would solve my doubts; not that I think him endued with a +preternatural knowledge; yet I hardly know what to think neither. +However, I bless and praise the goodness of God, that has raised me up +a friend in a place where I may turn my eyes around and see myself +deprived of every other. + +Even my protector--he who has sworn before God and man;--but you, +Louisa, will reprehend my indiscreet expressions. In my own bosom, then, +shall the sad repository be. Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +As you have entertained an idea that Sir William could not be proof +against any occasional exertion of my eloquence, I will give you a +sketch of a matrimonial _tete a tete_, though it may tend to subvert +your opinion of both parties. + +Yesterday morning I was sitting in my dressing-room, when Sir William, +who had not been at home all night, entered it: He looked as if he had +not been in bed; his hair disordered; and, upon the whole, as forlorn a +figure as you ever beheld, I was going to say; but you can form very +little idea of these rakes of fashion after a night spent as they +usually spend it. To my inquiry after his health, he made a very slight +or rather peevish answer; and flung himself into a chair, with both +hands in his waistcoat pockets, and his eyes fixed on the fire, before +which he had placed himself. As he seemed in an ill-humour, and I was +unconscious of having given him cause, I was regardless of the +consequences, and pursued my employment, which was looking over and +settling some accounts relative to my own expences. He continued his +posture in the strictest silence for near a quarter of an hour; a +silence I did not feel within myself the least inclination to break +through: at last he burst forth into this pretty soliloquy. + +"Damn it; sure there never was a more unfortunate dog than I am! Every +thing goes against me. And then to be so situated too!" Unpromising as +the opening sounded, I thought it would be better to bear a part in the +conversation.--"If it is not impertinent, Sir William," said I, "may I +beg to know what occasions the distress you seem to express? or at +least inform me if it is in my power to be of service to you."--"No, no, +you can be of no use to me--though," continued he, "you are in part the +cause."--"I the cause!--for God's sake, how?" cried I, all astonishment. +"Why, if your father had not taken advantage of my cursed infatuation +for you, I should not have been distressed in pecuniary matters by +making so large a settlement." + +"A cursed infatuation! do you call it? Sure, that is a harsh expression! +Oh! how wretched would my poor father feel, could he imagine the +affection which he fancied his unhappy daughter had inspired you with, +would be stiled by yourself, and to _her_ face, _a cursed infatuation_!" +Think you, Louisa, I was not pained to the soul? Too sure I was--I could +not prevent tears from gushing forth. Sir William saw the effect his +cruel speech had on me; he started from his seat, and took my hand in +his. A little resentment, and a thousand other reasons, urged me to +withdraw it from his touch.--"Give me your hand, Julia," cried he, +drawing his chair close to mine, and looking at my averted face--"give +me your hand, my dear, and pardon the rashness of my expressions; I did +not mean to use such words;--I recall them, my love: it was ungenerous +and false in me to arraign your father's conduct. I would have doubled +and trebled the settlement, to have gained you; I would, by heavens! my +Julia.--Do not run from me in disgust; come, come, you shall forgive me +a thoughtless expression, uttered in haste, but seriously repented of." + +"You cannot deny your sentiments, Sir William; nor can I easily forget +them. What my settlement is, as I never wished to out-live you, so I +never wished to know how ample it was. Large I might suppose it to be, +from the conviction that you never pay any regard to consequences to +obtain your desires, let them be what they will. I was the whim of the +day; and if you have paid too dearly for the trifling gratification, I +am sorry for it; heartily sorry for it, indeed, Sir William. You found +me in the lap of innocence, and in the arms of an indulgent parent; +happy, peaceful, and serene; would to heaven you had left me there!" I +could not proceed; my tears prevented my utterance. "Pshaw!" cried Sir +William, clapping his fingers together, and throwing his elbow over the +chair, which turned his face nearer me, "how ridiculous this is! Why, +Julia, I am deceived in you; I did not think you had so much resentment +in your composition. You ought to make some allowance for the +_derangement_ of my affairs. My hands are tied by making a larger +settlement than my present fortune would admit; and I cannot raise money +on my estate, because I have no child, and it is entailed on my uncle, +who is the greatest curmudgeon alive. Reflect on all these obstacles to +my release from some present exigencies; and do not be so hard-hearted +and inexorable to the prayers and intreaties of your husband."--During +the latter part of this speech, he put his arm round my waist, and drew +me almost on his knees, striving by a thousand little caresses to make +me pardon and smile on him; but, Louisa, caresses, which I now know came +not from the heart, lose the usual effect on me; yet I would not be, as +he said, inexorable. I therefore told him, I would no longer think of +any thing he would wish me to forget.--With the utmost appearance of +tenderness he took my handkerchief, and dried my eyes; laying his cheek +close to mine, and pressing my hands with warmth,--in short, acting over +the same farce as (once) induced me to believe I had created the most +permanent flame in his bosom. I could not bear the reflection that he +should suffer from his former attachment to me; and I had hopes that my +generosity might rouze him from his lethargy, and save him from the ruin +which was likely to involve him. I told him, "I would with the greatest +chearfulness relinquish any part of my settlement, if by that means he +could be extricated from his present and future difficulties."--"Why, to +be sure, a part of it would set me to rights as to the present; but as +for the future, I cannot look into futurity, Julia."--"I wish you could, +Sir William, and reflect in time."--"Reflect! Oh, that is so _outre_! I +hate reflection. Reflection cost poor D--r his life the other day; he, +like me, could not bear reflection." + +"I tremble to hear you thus lightly speak of that horrid event. The more +so, as I too much fear the same fatal predilection has occasioned your +distress: but may the chearfulness with which I resign my future +dependence awaken in you a sense of your present situation, and secure +you from fresh difficulties!" + +"Well said, my little _monitress_! why you are quite an _orator_ too. +But you shall find I can follow your lead, and be _just_ at least, if +not so generous as yourself. I would not for the world accept the whole +of your jointure. I do not want it; and if I had as much as I could +raise on it, perhaps I might not be much richer for it. _Riches make to +themselves wings, and fly away_, Julia. There is a sentence for you. Did +you think your rattle-pated husband had ever read the book of books from +whence that sentence is drawn?" I really had little patience to hear him +run on in this ludicrous and trifling manner. What an argument of his +insensibility! To stop him, I told him, I thought we had better not lose +time, but have the writings prepared, which would enable me to do my +duty as an obedient wife, and enable him to pay his debts like a man of +honour and integrity; and then he need not fear his treasure flying +away, since it would be laid up where neither thieves could break +through, or rust destroy. + +The writings are preparing, to dispose of an estate which was settled on +me; it brings in at present five hundred a year; which I find is but a +quarter of my jointure. Ah! would to heaven he would take all, provided +it would make a change in his sentiments! But that I despair of, without +the interposition of a miracle. You never saw such an alteration as an +hour made on him. So alert and brisk! and apishly fond! I mean +affectedly so; for, Louisa, a man of Sir William's cast never could love +sincerely,--never could experience that genuine sentimental passion, + + "Which, selfish joy disdaining, seeks alone + To bless the dearer object of its soul." + +No, his passions are turbulent--the madness of the moment--eager to +please himself--regardless of the satisfaction of the object.--And yet I +thought he loved--I likewise thought I loved. Oh! Louisa! how was I +deceived! But I check my pen. Pardon me, and, if possible, excuse your +sister. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +What are we to make of this divine and destructive beauty? this Lady +Stanley? Did you not observe with what eager avidity she became a votary +to the gaming-table, and bragged away with the best of us? You must: you +was witness to the glow of animation that reigned despotic over every +lovely feature when she had got a pair-royal of braggers in her snowy +fingers. But I am confoundedly bit! She condescended to borrow of that +pattern of Germanic virtue, Baron Ton-hausen. Perhaps you will say, why +did not you endeavour to be the Little Premium? No, I thought I played a +better game: It was better to be the second lender; besides, I only +wanted to excite in her a passion for play; and, or I am much deceived, +never woman entered into it with more zeal. But what a turn to our +affairs! I am absolutely cast off the scent; totally ignorant of the +doubles she has made. I could hardly close my eyes, from the pleasing +expectations I had formed of gratifying the wishes of my heart in both +those interesting passions of love and revenge. Palpitating with hopes +and fears, I descended from my chariot at the appointed hour. The party +were assembled, and my devoted victim looked as beautiful as an angel of +light; her countenance wore a solemnity, which added to her charms by +giving an irresistible and persuasive softness to her features. I +scrutinized the lineaments of her lovely face; and, I assure you, she +lost nothing by the strict examination. Gods! what a transporting +creature she is! And what an insensible brute is Stanley! But I recall +my words, as to the last:--he was distractedly in love with her before +he had her; and perhaps, if she was _my_ wife, I should be as +indifferent about her as _he_ is, or as _I_ am about the numberless +women of all ranks and conditions with whom I have "trifled away the +dull hours."--While I was in contemplation anticipating future joys, I +was struck all of a heap, as the country-girls say, by hearing Lady +Stanley say,--"It is in vain--I have made a firm resolution never to +play again; my resolution is the result of my own reflections on the +uneasiness which those bits of painted paper have already given me. It +is altogether fruitless to urge me; for from the determination I have +made, I shall never recede. My former winnings are in the +sweepstake-pool at the _commerce-table_, which you will extremely oblige +me to sit down to; but for me, I play no more.--I shall have a pleasure +in seeing you play; but I own I feel myself too much discomposed with +ill fortune; and I am not unreasonable enough to be pleased with the +misfortunes of others. I have armed my mind against the shafts of +ridicule, that I see pointed at me; but, while I leave others the full +liberty of following their own schemes of diversion, I dare say, none +will refuse me the same privilege."--We all stared with astonishment; +but the devil a one offered to say a word, except against sitting down +to divide her property;--there we entered into a general protest; so we +set down, at least I can answer for myself, to an insipid game.--Lady +Stanley was marked down as a fine _pigeon_ by some of our ladies, and as +a delicious _morceau_ by the men. The gentle Baron seemed all aghast. I +fancy he is a little disappointed in his expectations too.--Perhaps he +has formed hopes that his soft sighs and respectful behaviour may have +touched the lovely Julia's heart. He felt himself flattered, no doubt, +at her giving him the preference in borrowing from his purse. Well then, +his hopes are _derange_, as well as mine.--But, _courage, mi Lor_, I +shall play another game now; and peradventure, as safe a one, if not +more so, than what I planned before.--I will not, however, anticipate a +pleasure (which needs no addition should I succeed) or add to my +mortification should I fail, by expatiating on it at present. + +Adieu! dear Montague! Excuse my _boring_ you with these trifles;--for to +a man in love, every thing is trifling except the _trifle_ that +possesses his heart; and to one who is not under the guidance of the +_soft deity, that_ is the _greatest_ trifle (to use a Hibernicism) of +all. + +I am your's most cordially, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XXIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Well, my dear Louisa, the important point I related the particulars of +in my last is quite settled, and Sir William has been able to satisfy +some rapacious creditors. Would to heaven I could tell you, the butcher, +baker, &c. were in the list! No, my sister; the creditors are a vile set +of gamblers, or, in the language of the _polite_ world--_Black-legs_. +Thus is the purpose of my heart entirely frustrated, and the laudably +industrious tradesman defrauded of his due. But how long will they +remain satisfied with being repeatedly put by with empty promises, which +are never kept? Good God! how is this to end? I give myself up to the +most gloomy reflections, and see no point of time when we shall be +extricated from the cruel dilemmas in which Sir William's imprudence has +involved us. I vainly fancied, I should gain some advantages, at least +raise myself in his opinion, from my generosity; but I find, on the +contrary, he only laughs at me for being such a simpleton, to suppose +the sale of five hundred a-year would set him to rights. It is plain, I +have got no credit by my condescension, for he has not spent one day at +home since; and his temper, when I do see him, seems more uncertain than +ever.--Oh! Louisa! and do all young women give up their families, their +hand, and virgin-affections, to be thus recompensed? But why do I let +fall these expressions? Alas! they fall with my tears; and I can no more +suppress the one than the other; I ought, however, and indeed do +endeavour against both. I seek to arm my soul to support the evils with +which I see myself surrounded. I beseech heaven to afford me strength, +for I too plainly see I am deprived of all other resources. I forget to +caution you, my dear sister, against acquainting my father, that I have +given up part of my jointure; and lest, when I am unburthening the +weight of my over-charged bosom to you, I should in future omit this +cautionary reserve, do you, my Louisa, keep those little passages a +secret within your own kind sympathizing breast; and add not to my +affliction, by planting such daggers in the heart of my dear--more dear +than ever--parent. You know I have pledged my honour to you, I will +never, by my own conduct, accumulate the distresses this fatal union has +brought on me. Though every vow on his part is broken through, yet I +will remember I am _his_ wife,--and, what is more, _your_ sister. Would +you believe it? he--Sir William I mean--is quite displeased that I have +given up cards, and very politely told me, I should be looked on as a +fool by all his acquaintance,--and himself not much better, for marrying +such an ignorant uninstructed rustic. To this tender and husband-like +speech, I returned no other answer, than that "my conscience should be +the rule and guide of my actions; and _that_, I was certain, would never +lead me to disgrace him." I left the room, as I found some difficulty in +stifling the resentment which rose at his indignant treatment. But I +shall grow callous in time; I have so far conquered my weakness, as +never to let a tear drop in his presence. Those indications of +self-sorrow have no effect on him, unless, indeed, he had any point to +gain by it; and then he would feign a tenderness foreign to his nature, +but which might induct the ignorant uninstructed fool to yield up every +thing to him. + +Perhaps he knows it not; but I might have instructors enough;--but he +has taught me sufficient of evil--thank God! to make me despise them +all. From my unhappy connexions with one, I learn to hate and detest the +whole race of rakes; I might add, of both sexes. I tremble to think what +I might have been, had I not been blessed with a virtuous education, and +had the best of patterns in my beloved sister. Thus I was early +initiated in virtue; and let me be grateful to my kind _Sylph_, whose +knowledge of human nature has enabled him to be so serviceable to me: he +is a sort of second conscience to me:--What would the Sylph say? I +whisper to myself. Would he approve? I flatter myself, that, +insignificant as I am, I am yet the care of heaven; and while I depend +on that merciful Providence and its vicegerents, I shall not fall into +those dreadful pits that are open on every side: but, to strengthen my +reliances, let me have the prayers of my dear Louisa; for every support +is necessary for her faithful Julia. + + + + +LETTER XXIV. + + +TO THE SAME. + +I have repeatedly mentioned to my Louisa, how earnestly I wished to have +more frequent communications with my Sylph. A thought struck me the +other day, of the practicability of effecting such a scheme. I knew I +was safe from detection, as no one on earth, yourself excepted, knew of +his agency in my affairs. I therefore addressed an advertisement to my +invisible friend, which I sent to the St. James's Chronicle, couched in +this concise manner. + +TO THE SYLPH + +"Grateful for the friendly admonition, the receiver of the Sylph's +favour is desirous of having the power of expressing _it_ more largely +than is possible through this channel. If still intitled to protection, +begs to be informed, how a private letter may reach his hand." + +I have not leisure nor inclination to make a long digression, or would +tell you, the St. James's is a news-paper which is the fashionable +vehicle of intelligence; and from the circumstance alone of its +admission into all families, and meeting all eyes, I chose it to convey +my wishes to the Sylph. The next evening I had the satisfaction of +finding those wishes answered; and the further pleasure (as you will see +by the enclosed copy) of being assured of his approbation of the step I +have taken. + +And now for a little of family-affairs. You know I have a certain +allowance, of what is called pin-money;--my quarter having been due for +some time, I thought I might as well have it in my own possession,--not +that I am poor, for I assure you, on the contrary, I have generally a +quarter in hand, though I am not in debt. I sent Win to Harris's the +steward, for my stipend. She returned, with his duty to me, acquainting +me, it was not in his power at present to honour my note, not having any +cash in hand. Surprized at his inability of furnishing a hundred and +fifty pounds, I desired to speak with him; when he gave me so melancholy +a detail of his master's circumstances, as makes me dread the +consequences. He is surrounded with Jew-brokers; for, in this Christian +land, Jews are the money-negotiators; and such wretches as you would +tremble to behold are admitted into the private recesses of the Great, +and caressed as their better-angels. These infernal agents procure them +money; for which they pay fifty, a hundred, and sometimes two hundred +_per Cent_. Am I wrong in styling them _infernal_? Do they not make the +silly people who trust in them pay very dear for the means of +accomplishing their own destruction? Like those miserable beings they +used to call _Witches_, who were said to sell their souls to the Devil +for everlasting, to have the power of doing temporary mischief upon +earth. + +_These_ now form the bosom-associates of my husband. Ah! wonder not the +image of thy sister is banished thence! rather rejoice with me, that he +pays that reverence to virtue and decency as to distinguish me from that +dreadful herd of which his chief companions are composed. + +I go very little from home--In truth, I have no creature to go with.--I +avoid Lord Biddulph, because I hate him; and (dare I whisper it to my +Louisa?) I estrange myself from the Baron, lest I should be too partial +to the numerous good qualities I cannot but see, and yet which it would +be dangerous to contemplate too often. Oh, Louisa! why are there not +many such men? His merit would not so forcibly strike me, if I could +find any one in the circle of my acquaintance who could come in +competition with him; for, be assured, it is not the tincture of the +skin which I admire; not because _fairest_, but _best_. But where shall +a married-woman find excuse to seek for, and admire, merit in any other +than her husband? I will banish this too, too amiable man from my +thoughts. As my Sylph says, such men (under the circumstances I am in) +are infinitely more dangerous than a Biddulph. Yet, can one fall by the +hand of virtue?--Alas! this is deceitful sophistry. If I give myself up +to temptation, how dare I flatter myself I shall _be delivered from +evil_? + +Could two men be more opposite than what Sir William appeared at +Woodley-vale, and what he now is?--for too surely, _that_ was +appearance--_this_ reality. Think of him then sitting in your library, +reading by turns with my dear father some instructive and amusing +author, while _we_ listened to their joint comments; what lively sallies +we discovered in him; and how we all united in approving the natural +flow of good spirits, chastened as we thought with the principles of +virtue! See him now--But my pen refuses to draw the pain-inspiring +portrait. Alas! it would but be a copy of what I have so repeatedly +traced in my frequent letters; a copy from which we should turn with +disgust, bordering on contempt. This we should do, were the character +unknown or indifferent to us. But how must that woman feel--who sees in +the picture the well-known features of a man, whom she is bound by her +vows to love, honour, and obey? Your tenderness, my sister, will teach +you to pity so unhappy a wretch. I will not, however, tax that +tenderness too much. I will not dwell on the melancholy theme. + +But I lose sight of my purpose, in thus contrasting Sir William _to +himself_; I meant to infer, from the total change which seems to have +taken place in him, that other men may be the same, could the same +opportunity of developing their characters present itself. Thus, though +the Baron wears this semblance of an angel--yet it may be assumed. What +will not men do to carry a favourite point? He saw the open and avowed +principles of libertinism in Lord Biddulph disgusted me from the first. +He, therefore, may conceal the same invidious intention under the +seducing form of every virtue. The simile of the robber and the beggar, +in the Sylph's first letter, occurs to my recollection. Yet, perhaps, I +am injuring the Baron by my suspicion. He may have had virtue enough to +suppress those feelings in my favour, which my situation should +certainly destroy in a virtuous breast.--Nay, I believe, I may make +myself wholly easy on that head. He has, for some time, paid great +attention to Miss Finch, who, I find, has totally broke with Colonel +Montague. Certainly, if we should pay any deference to appearance, she +will make a much better election by chusing Baron Ton-hausen, than the +Colonel. She has lately--Miss Finch, I should say--has lately spent more +time with me than any other lady--for my two first companions I have +taken an opportunity of civilly dropping. I took care to be from home +whenever they called by _accident_--and always to have some _prior_ +engagement when they proposed meeting by _design_. + +Miss Finch is by much the least reprehensible character I have met +with.--But, as Lady Besford once said, one can form no opinion of what a +woman is while she is single. _She_ must keep within the rules of +decorum. The single state is not a state of freedom. Only the married +ladies have that privilege. But, as far as one can judge, there is no +danger in the acquaintance of Miss Finch. I own, I like her, for having +refused Colonel Montague, and yet, (Oh! human nature!) on looking over +what I have written, I have expressed myself disrespectfully, on the +supposition that she saw Ton-hausen with the same eyes as a certain +foolish creature that shall be nameless. + + + + +LETTER XXV. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +The satisfaction of a benevolent heart will ever be its own recompense; +but not its _only_ reward, as you have sweetly assured me, by the +advertisement that blessed my eyes last night. I beheld, with pleasure, +that my admonitions have not lost their intended effect. I should have +been most cruelly disappointed, and have given up my knowledge of the +human heart as imperfect, had I found you incorrigible to my advice. But +I have heretofore told you, I was thoroughly acquainted with the +excellencies of your mind. Your renunciation of your favourite game, and +cards in general, give every reason to justify my sentiments of you. I +have formed the most exalted idea of you.--And you alone can destroy the +altar I have raised to your divinity. All the incense I dare hope to +receive from you, is a just and implicit observance of my dictates, +while _they_ are influenced by virtue, of which none but you can +properly judge, since to none but yourself they are addressed. Doubts, I +am convinced, may arise in your mind concerning this invisible agency. +As far as is necessary, I will satisfy those doubts. But to be for ever +concealed from your knowledge as to identity, your own good sense will +see too clearly the necessity of, to need any illustration from my pen. +If I admired you before--how much has that admiration encreased from the +chearful acquiescence you have paid to my injunctions! Go on, then, my +beloved charge! Pursue the road of _virtue_; and be assured, however +rugged the path, and tedious the way, you will, one day, arrive at the +goal, and find _her_ "in her own form--how lovely!" I had almost said, as +lovely as yourself. + +Perhaps, you will think this last expression too warm, and favouring +more of the man--than the Rosicrusian philosopher.--But be not alarmed. +By the most rigid observance of virtue it is we attain this superiority +over the rest of mankind; and only by this course can we maintain it--we +are not, however, divested of our sensibilities; nay, I believe, as they +have not been vitiated by contamination, they are more _tremblingly +alive_ than other mortals usually are. In the human character, I could +be of no use to you; in the Sylphiad, of the utmost. Look on me, then, +only in the light of a preternatural being--and if my sentiments should +sometimes flow in a more earthly stile--yet, take my word as a Sylph, +they shall never be such as shall corrupt your heart. To guard it from +the corruptions of mortals, is my sole view in the lectures I have +given, or shall from time to time give you. + +I saw and admired the laudable motive which induced you to give up part +of your settlement. Would to heaven, for your sake, it had been attended +with the happy consequences you flattered yourself with seeing. Alas! +all the produce of that is squandered after the rest. Beware how you are +prevailed on to resign any more; for, I question not, you will have +application made you very soon for the remainder, or at least part of +it: but take this advice of your true and disinterested friend. The time +may come, and from the unhappy propensities of Sir William, I must fear +it will not be long ere it does come, when both he and you may have no +other resource than what your jointure affords you. By this ill-placed +benevolence you will deprive yourself of the means of supporting him, +when all other means will have totally failed. Let this be your plea to +resist his importunities. + +When you shall be disposed to make me the repository of your +confidential thoughts, you may direct to A.B. at Anderton's +coffee-house. I rely on your prudence, to take no measures to discover +me. May you be as happy as you deserve, or, in one word, as I wish you! + +Your careful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXVI. + + +To THE SYLPH. + +It is happy for me, if my actions have stood so much in my favour, as to +make any return for the obligations, which I feel I want words to +express. Alas! what would have become of me without the friendly, the +paternal admonitions of my kind Sylph! Spare me not, tell me all my +faults--for, notwithstanding your partiality, I find them numerous. I +feel the necessity of having those admonitions often inforced; and am +apprehensive I shall grow troublesome to you. + +Will, then, my friend allow me to have recourse to him on any important +occasion--or what may appear so to me? Surely an implicit observance of +his precepts will be the least return I can make for his disinterested +interposition in my favour--and thus, as it were, stepping in between me +and ruin. Believe me, my heart overflows with a grateful sense of these +unmerited benefits--and feels the strongest resolution to persevere in +the paths of rectitude so kindly pointed out to me by the hand of +Heaven. + +I experience a sincere affliction, that the renunciation of part of my +future subsistence should not have had the desired effect; but _none_ +that I have parted with it. My husband is young, and blest with a most +excellent constitution, which even _his_ irregularities have not +injured. I am young likewise, but of a more delicate frame, which the +repeated hurries I have for many months past lived in (joined to a +variety of other causes, from anxieties and inquietude of mind) have not +a little impaired; so that I have not a remote idea of living to want +what I have already bestowed, or may hereafter resign, for the benefit +of my husband's creditors. Yet in this, as well as every thing else, I +will submit to your more enlightened judgment--and abide most chearfully +by your decision. + +Would to Heaven Sir William would listen to such an adviser! He yet +might retrieve his affairs. We yet might be happy. But, alas! he will +not suffer his reason to have any sway over his actions. He hurries on +to ruin with hasty strides--nor ever casts one look behind. + + * * * * * + +The perturbation these sad reflections create in my bosom will apologize +to my worthy guide for the abruptness of this conclusion, as well as the +incorrectness of the whole. May Heaven reward you! prays your ever +grateful, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +VOLUME II + + + + +LETTER XXVII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +I feel easier in my mind, my dearest Louisa, since I have established a +sort of correspondence with the Sylph. I can now, when any intricate +circumstance arises, which your distance may disable you from being +serviceable in, have an almost immediate assistance in, or at least the +concurrence of--my Sylph, my guardian angel! + +In a letter I received from him the other day, he told me, "a time might +come when he should lose his influence over me; however remote the +period, as there was a possibility of his living to see it, the _idea_ +filled his mind with sorrow. The only method his skill could divine, of +still possessing the privilege of superintending my concerns, would be +to have some pledge from me. He flattered himself I should not scruple +to indulge this only weakness of _humanity_ he discovered, since I might +rest assured he had it neither in his will or inclination to make an ill +use of my condescension." The rest of the letter contained advice as +usual. I only made this extract to tell you my determination on this +head. I think to send a little locket with my hair in it. The _design_ I +have formed in my own mind, and, when it is compleated, will describe it +to you. + + * * * * * + +I have seriously reflected on what I had written to you in my last +concerning Miss Finch and (let me not practice disingenuity to my +beloved sister) the Baron Ton-hausen. Miss Finch called on me yesterday +morning--she brought her work. "I am come," said she, "to spend some +hours with you." "I wish," returned I, "you would enlarge your plan, and +make it the whole day." + +"With all my heart," she replied, "if you are to be alone; for I wish to +have a good deal of chat with you; and hope we shall have no male +impertinents break-in upon our little female _tete-a-tete_." I knew Sir +William was out for the day, and gave orders I should not be at home to +any one. + +As soon as we were quite by ourselves, "Lord!" said she, "I was +monstrously flurried coming hither, for I met Montague in the Park, and +could hardly get clear of him--I was fearful he would follow me here." +As she first mentioned him, I thought it gave me a kind of right to ask +her some questions concerning that gentleman, and the occasion of her +rupture with him. She answered me very candidly--"To tell you the truth, +my dear Lady Stanley, it is but lately I had much idea that it was +necessary to love one's husband, in order to be happy in marriage." "You +astonish me," I cried. "Nay, but hear me. Reflect how we young women, +who are born in the air of the court, are bred. Our heads filled with +nothing but pleasure--let the means of procuring it be, almost, what you +will. We marry--but without any notion of its being an union for +life--only a few years; and then we make a second choice. But I have +lately thought otherwise; and in consequence of these my more serious +reflections, am convinced Colonel Montague and I might make a +fashionable couple, but never a happy one. I used to laugh at his +gaieties, and foolishly thought myself flattered by the attentions of a +man whom half my sex had found dangerous; but I never loved him; that I +am now more convinced of than ever: and as to reforming his morals--oh! +it would not be worth the pains, if the thing was possible. + +"Let the women be ever so exemplary, their conduct will have no +influence over these professed rakes; these rakes upon principle, as +that iniquitous Lord Chesterfield has taught our youth to be. Only look +at yourself, I do not mean to flatter you; what effect has your +mildness, your thousand and ten thousand good qualities, for I will not +pretend to enumerate them, had over the mind of your husband? None. On +my conscience, I believe it has only made him worse; because he knew he +never should be censured by such a pattern of meekness. And what chance +should such an one as I have with one of these _modern_ husbands? I fear +me, I should become a _modern_ wife. I think I am not vainglorious, when +I say I have not a bad heart, and am ambitious of emulating a good +example. On these considerations alone, I resolved to give the Colonel +his dismission. He pretended to be much hurt by my determination; but I +really believe the loss of my fortune is his greatest disappointment, as +I find he has two, if not more, mistresses to console him." + +"It would hardly be fair," said I, "after your candid declaration, to +call any part in question, or else I should be tempted to ask you, if +you had really no other motive for your rejection of the Colonel's +suit?" + +"You scrutinize pretty closely," returned Miss Finch, blushing; "but I +will make no concealments; I have a man in my eye, with whom, I think, +the longer the union lasted, the happier I, at least, should be." + +"Do I know the happy man?" + +"Indeed you do; and one of some consequence too." + +"It cannot be Lord Biddulph?" + +"Lord Biddulph!--No, indeed!--not Lord Biddulph, I assure your Ladyship; +though _he_ has a title, but not an English one." + +To you, my dear Louisa, I use no reserve. I felt a sickishness and chill +all over me; but recovering instantly, or rather, I fear, desirous of +appearing unaffected by what she said, I immediately rejoined--"So then, +I may wish the _Baron_ joy of his conquest." A faint smile, which barely +concealed my anguish, accompanied my speech. + +"Why should I be ashamed of saying I think the Baron the most amiable +man in the world? though it is but lately I have allowed his superior +merit the preference; indeed, I did not know so much of him as within +these few weeks I have had opportunity." + +"He is certainly very amiable," said I. "But don't you think it very +close?" (I felt ill.) "I believe I must open the window for a little +air. Pursue your panegyric, my dear Miss Finch. I was rather overcome by +the warmth of the day; I am better now--pray proceed." + +"Well then, it is not because he is handsome that I give him this +preference; for I do not know whether Montague has not a finer person. +observe, I make this a doubt, for I think those marks of the small-pox +give an additional expression to his features. What say you?" + +"I am no competent judge;" I answered, "but, in my opinion, those who do +most justice to Baron Ton-hausen, will forget, or overlook, the graces +of his person, in the contemplation of the more estimable, because more +permanent, beauties of his mind." + +"What an elegant panegyrist you are! in three words you have comprized +his eulogium, which I should have spent hours about, and not so +compleated at last. But the opportunity I hinted at having had of late, +of discovering more of the Baron's character, is this: I was one day +walking in the Park with some ladies; the Baron joined us; a +well-looking old man, but meanly dressed, met us; he fixed his eyes on +Ton-hausen; he started, then, clasping his hands together, exclaimed +with eagerness, 'It is, it must be he! O, Sir! O, thou best of men!' 'My +good friend,' said the Baron, while his face was crimsoned over, 'my +good friend, I am glad to see you in health; but be more moderate.' I +never before thought him handsome; but such a look of benevolence +accompanied his soft accents, that I fancied him something more than +mortal. 'Pardon my too lively expressions,' the old man answered, 'but +gratitude--oh for such benefits! you, Sir, may, and have a right to +command my lips; but my eyes--my eyes will bear testimony.' His voice +was now almost choaked with sobs, and the tears flowed plentifully. I +was extremely moved at this scene, and had likewise a little female +curiosity excited to develope this mystery. I saw the Baron wished to +conceal his own and the old man's emotions, so walked a little aside +with him. I took that opportunity of whispering my servant to find out, +if possible, where this man came from, and discover the state of this +adventure. The ladies and myself naturally were chatting on this +subject, when the Baron rejoined our party. 'Poor fellow', said he, 'he +is so full of gratitude for my having rendered a slight piece of service +to his family, and fancies he owes every blessing in life to me, for +having placed two or three of his children out in the world.' We were +unanimous in praising the generosity of the Baron, and were making some +hard reflections on the infrequency of such examples among the affluent, +when Montague came up; he begged to know on whom we were so severe; I +told him in three words--and pointed to the object of the Baron's +bounty. He looked a little chagrined, which I attributed to my +commendations of this late instance of worth, as, I believe, I expressed +myself with that generous warmth which a benevolent action excites in a +breast capable of feeling, and wishing to emulate, such patterns. After +my return home, my servant told me he had followed the old man to his +lodgings, which were in an obscure part of the town, where he saw him +received by a woman nearly his own age, a beautiful girl of eighteen, +and two little boys. James, who is really an _adroit_ fellow, farther +said, that, by way of introduction, he told them to whom he was servant; +that his lady was attached to their interest from something the Baron +had mentioned concerning them, and had, in earnest of her future +intentions, sent them a half-guinea. At the name of the Baron, the old +folks lifted up their hands and blessed him; the girl blushed, and cast +down her eyes; and, said James, 'I thought, my lady, she seemed to pray +for him with greater fervour than the rest.' 'He is the noblest of men!' +echoed the old pair. 'He is indeed!' sighed the young girl. 'My heart, +my lady, ran over at my eyes to see the thankfulness of these poor +people. They begged me to make their grateful acknowledgments to your +ladyship for your bounty, and hoped the worthy Baron would convince you +it was not thrown away on base or forgetful folks.' James was not +farther inquisitive about their affairs, judging, very properly, that I +should chuse to make some inquiries myself. + +"The next day I happened to meet the Baron at your house. I hinted to +him how much my curiosity had been excited by the adventure in the Park. +He made very light of it, saying, his services were only common ones; +but that the object having had a tolerable education, his expressions +were rather adapted to his own feelings than to the merit of the +benefit. 'Ah! Baron,' I cried, 'there is more in this affair than you +think proper to communicate. I shall not cease persecuting you till you +let me a little more into it. I feel myself interested, and you must +oblige me with a recital of the circumstances; for which purpose I will +set you down in my _vis-a-vis_.''Are you not aware, my dear Miss Finch, +of the pain you will put me to in resounding my own praise?--What can be +more perplexing to a modest man?' 'A truce with your modesty in this +instance,' I replied; 'be _just_ to yourself, and _generously indulgent_ +to me.' He bowed, and promised to gratify my desire. When we were +seated, 'I will now obey you, Madam,' said the Baron. 'A young fellow, +who was the lover of the daughter to the old man you saw yesterday, was +inveigled by some soldiers to inlist in Colonel Montague's regiment. The +present times are so critical, that the idea of a soldier's life is full +of terror in the breast of a tender female. Nancy Johnson was in a state +of distraction, which the consciousness of her being rather too severe +in a late dispute with her lover served to heighten, as she fancied +herself the cause of his resolution. Being a fine young man of six feet, +he was too eligible an object for the Colonel to wish to part from. +Great intercession, however, was made, but to no effect, for he was +ordered to join the regiment. You must conceive the distress of the +whole family; the poor girl broken-hearted; her parents hanging over her +in anguish, and, ardent to restore the peace of mind of their darling, +forming the determination of coming up to town to solicit his discharge +from the Colonel. By accident I became acquainted with their distressed +situation, and, from my intimacy with Montague, procured them the +blessing they sought for. I have provided him with a small place, and +made a trifling addition to her portion. They are shortly to be +married; and of course, I hope, happy. And now, madam,' he continued, 'I +have acquitted myself of my engagement to you.' I thanked him for his +recital, and said, 'I doubted not his pleasure was near as great as +theirs; for to a mind like his, a benevolent action must carry a great +reward with it.' 'Happiness and pleasure,' he answered, 'are both +comparative in some degree; and to feel them in their most exquisite +sense, must be after having been deprived of them for a long time--we +see ourselves possessed of them when hope had forsaken us. When the +happiness of man depends on relative objects, he will be frequently +liable to disappointment. I have found it so. I have seen every prop, on +which I had built my schemes of felicity, sink one after the other; no +other resource was then left, but to endeavor to form that happiness in +others, which fate had for ever prevented my enjoying; and when I +succeed, I feel a pleasure which for a moment prevents obtruding +thoughts from rankling in my bosom. But I ask your pardon--I am too +serious--tho' my _tete-a-tetes_ with the ladies are usually so.' I told +him, such reflections as his conversation gave rise to, excited more +heart-felt pleasure than the broadest mirth could e'er bestow; that _I_ +too was serious, and I hoped should be a better woman as long as I +lived, from the resolution I had formed of attending, for the future, to +the happiness of others more than I had done. Here our conversation +ended, for we arrived at his house. I went home full of the idea of the +Baron and his recital; which, tho' I gave him credit for, I did not +implicitly believe, at least as to circumstance, tho' I might to +substance. I was kept waking the whole night, in comparing the several +parts of the Baron's and James's accounts. In short, the more I +ruminated, the more I was convinced there was more in it than the Baron +had revealed; and Montague being an actor in the play, did not a little +contribute to my desire of _peeping behind the curtain_, and having the +whole _drama_ before me. Accordingly, as soon as I had breakfasted, I +ordered my carriage, and took James for my guide. When we came to the +end of the street, I got out, and away I tramped to Johnson's lodgings. +I made James go up first, and apprize them of my coming; and, out of the +goodness of his heart, in order to relieve their minds from the +perplexity which inferiority always excites, James told them, I was the +best lady in the world, and might, for charity, pass for the Baron's +sister. I heard this as I ascended the stair-case. But, when I entered, +I was really struck with the figure of the young girl. Divested of all +ornament--without the aid of dress, or any external advantage, I think I +never beheld a more beautiful object. I apologized for the abruptness of +my appearance amongst them, but added, I doubted not, as a friend of the +Baron's and an encourager of merit, I should not be unwelcome. I begged +them to go on with their several employments. They received me with that +kind of embarrassment which is usual with people circumstanced as they +are, who fancy themselves under obligations to the affluent for treating +them with common civility. That they might recover their spirits, I +addressed myself to the two little boys, and emptied my pockets to amuse +them. I told the good old pair what the Baron had related to me; but +fairly added I did not believe he had told me all the truth, which I +attributed to his delicacy. 'Oh!' said the young girl, 'with the best +and most noble of minds, the Baron possesses the greatest delicacy; but +I need not tell you so; you, Madam, I doubt not, are acquainted with his +excellencies; and may he, in you, receive his earthly reward for the +good he has done to us! Oh, Madam! he has saved me, both soul and body; +but for him, I had been the most undone of all creatures. Sure he was +our better angel, sent down to stand between us and destruction.' + +'Wonder not, madam,' said the father, 'at the lively expressions of my +child; gratitude is the best master of eloquence; she feels, Madam--we +all feel the force of the advantages we derive from that worthy man. +Good God! what had been our situation at this moment, had we not owed +our deliverance to the Baron!' 'I am not,' said I, 'entirely acquainted +with the whole of your story; the Baron, I am certain, concealed great +part; but I should be happy to hear the particulars.' + +"The old man assured me he had a pleasure in reciting a tale which +reflected so much honour on the Baron; 'and let me,' said he, 'in the +pride of my heart, let me add, no disgrace on me or mine; for, Madam, +poverty, in the eye of the right-judging, is no disgrace. Heaven is my +witness, I never repined at my lowly station, till by that I was +deprived of the means of rescuing my beloved family from their distress. +But what would riches have availed me, had the evil befallen me from +which that godlike man extricated us? Oh! Madam, the wealth of worlds +could not have conveyed one ray of comfort to my heart, if I could not +have looked all round my family, and said, tho' we are poor, we are +virtuous, my children. + +'It would be impertinent to trouble you, Madam, with a prolix account of +my parentage and family. I was once master of a little charity-school, +but by unavoidable misfortunes I lost it. My eldest daughter, who sits +there, was tenderly beloved by a young man in our village, whose virtues +would have reflected honour on the most elevated character. She did +ample justice to his merit. We looked forward to the _happy_ hour that +was to render our child so, and had formed a thousand little schemes of +rational delight, to enliven our evening of life; in one short moment +the sun of our joy was overcast, and promised to set in lasting night. +On a fatal day, my Nancy was seen by a gentleman in the army, who was +down on a visit to a neighbouring squire, my landlord; her figure +attracted his notice, and he followed her to our peaceful dwelling. Her +mother and I were absent with a sick relation, and her protector was out +at work with a farmer at some distance. He obtruded himself into our +house, and begged a draught of ale; my daughter, whose innocence +suspected no ill, freely gave him a mug, of which he just sipped; then, +putting it down, swore he would next taste the nectar of her lips. She +repelled his boldness with all her strength, which, however, would have +availed her but little, had not our next-door neighbour, seeing a +fine-looking man follow her in, harboured a suspicion that all was not +right, and took an opportunity of coming in to borrow something. Nancy +was happy to see her, and begged her to stay till our return, pretending +she could not procure her what she wanted till then. Finding himself +disappointed, Colonel Montague (I suppose, Madam, you know him), went +away, when Nancy informed our neighbour of his proceedings. She had +hardly recovered herself from her perturbation when we came home. I felt +myself exceedingly alarmed at her account; more particularly as I learnt +the Colonel was a man of intrigue, and proposed staying some time in the +country. I resolved never to leave my daughter at home by herself, or +suffer her to go out without her intended husband. But the vigilance of +a fond father was too easily eluded by the subtilties of an enterprising +man, who spared neither time nor money to compass his illaudable +schemes. By presents he corrupted _that_ neighbour, whose timely +interposition had preserved my child inviolate. From the friendship she +had expressed for us, we placed the utmost confidence in her, and, next +to ourselves, intrusted her with the future welfare of our daughter. +When the out-posts are corrupted, what _fort_ can remain unendangered? +It is, I believe, a received opinion, that more women are seduced from +the path of virtue by their own sex, than by ours. Whether it is, that +the unlimited faith they are apt to put in their own sex weakens the +barriers of virtue, and renders them less powerful against the attacks +of the men, or that, suspecting no sinister view, they throw off their +guard; it is certain that an artful and vicious woman is infinitely a +more to be dreaded companion, than the most abandoned libertine. This +false friend used from time to time to administer the poison of flattery +to the tender unsuspicious daughter of innocence. What female is free +from the seeds of vanity? And unfortunately, this bad woman was but too +well versed in this destructive art. She continually was introducing +instances of handsome girls who had made their fortunes merely from that +circumstance. That, to be sure, the young man, her sweetheart, had +merit; but what a pity a person like her's should be lost to the world! +That she believed the Colonel to be too much a man of honour to seduce a +young woman, though he might like to divert himself with them. What a +fine opportunity it would be to raise her family, like _Pamela Andrews_; +and accordingly placed in the hands of my child those pernicious +volumes. Ah! Madam, what wonder such artifices should prevail over the +ignorant mind of a young rustic! Alas! they sunk too deep. Nancy first +learnt to disrelish the honest, artless effusions of her first lover's +heart. His language was insipid after the luscious speeches, and ardent +but dishonourable warmth of Mr. B--, in the books before-mentioned. +Taught to despise simplicity, she was easily led to suffer the Colonel +to plead for pardon for his late boldness. My poor girl's head was now +completely turned, to see such an accomplished man kneeling at her feet +suing for forgiveness and using the most refined expressions; and +elevating her to a Goddess, that he may debase her to the lowest dregs +of human kind. Oh! Madam, what have not such wretches to answer for! The +Colonel's professions, however, at present, were all within the bounds +of honour. A man never scruples to make engagements which he never +purposes to fulfill, and which he takes care no one shall ever be able +to claim. He was very profuse of promises, judging it the most likely +method of triumphing over her virtue by appearing to respect it. Things +were proceeding thus; when, finding the Colonel's continued stay in our +neighbourhood, I became anxious to conclude my daughter's union, hoping, +that when he should see her married, he would entirely lay his schemes +aside; for, by his hovering about our village, I could not remain +satisfied, or prevent disagreeable apprehensions arising. My daughter +was too artless to frame any excuse to protract her wedding, and equally +_so_, not to discover, by her confusion, that her sentiments were +changed. My intended son-in-law saw too clearly that _change_; perhaps +he had heard more than I had. He made rather a too sharp observation on +the alteration in his mistress's features. Duty and respect kept her +silent to me, but to him she made an acrimonious reply. He had been that +day at market, and had taken a too free draught of ale. His spirits had +been elevated by my information, that I would that evening fix his +wedding-day. The damp on my daughter's brow had therefore a greater +effect on him. He could not brook her reply, and his answer to it was a +sarcastic reflection on those women who were undone by the _red-coats_. +This touched too nearly; and, after darting a look of the most ineffable +contempt on him, Nancy declared, whatever might be the consequence, she +would never give her hand to a man who had dared to treat her on the eve +of her marriage with such unexampled insolence; so saying, she left the +room. I was sorry matters had gone so far, and wished to reconcile the +pair, but both were too haughty to yield to the intercessions I made; +and he left us with a fixed resolution of making her repent, as he said. +As is too common in such cases, the public-house seemed the properest +asylum for the disappointed lover. He there met with a recruiting +serjeant of the Colonel's, who, we since find, was sent on purpose to +our village, to get Nancy's future husband out of the way. The bait +unhappily took, and before morning he was enlisted in the king's +service. His father and mother, half distracted, ran to our house, to +learn the cause of this rash action in their son. Nancy, whose virtuous +attachment to her former lover had only been lulled to sleep, now felt +it rouze with redoubled violence. She pictured to herself the dangers he +was now going to encounter, and accused herself with being the cause. +Judging of the influence she had over the Colonel, she flew into his +presence; she begged, she conjured him, to give the precipitate young +soldier his discharge. He told her, 'he could freely grant any thing to +her petition, but that it was too much his interest to remove the only +obstacle to his happiness out of the way, for him to be able to comply +with her request. However,' continued he, taking her hand, 'my Nancy has +it in her power to preserve the young man.' 'Oh!' cried she, 'how freely +would I exert that power!' 'Be mine this moment,' said he, 'and I will +promise on my honour to discharge him.' 'By that sacred word,' said +Nancy, 'I beg you, Sir, to reflect on the cruelty of your conduct to me! +what generous professions you have made voluntarily to me! how sincerely +have you promised me your friendship! and does all this end in a design +to render me the most criminal of beings?' 'My angel,' cried the +Colonel, throwing his arms round her waist, and pressing her hand to his +lips, 'give not so harsh a name to my intentions. No disgrace shall +befall you. You are a sensible girl; and I need not, I am sure, tell +you, that, circumstanced as _I_ am in life, it would be utterly +impossible to marry you. I adore you; you know it; do not then play the +sex upon me, and treat me with rigour, because I have candidly confessed +I cannot live without you. Consent to bestow on me the possession of +your charming person, and I will hide your lovely blushes in my fond +bosom; while you shall whisper to my enraptured ear, that I shall still +have the delightful privilege of an husband, and Will Parker shall bear +the name. This little delicious private treaty shall be known only to +ourselves. Speak, my angel, or rather let me read your willingness in +your lovely eyes.' 'If I have been silent, Sir,' said my poor girl, +'believe me, it is the horror which I feel at your proposal, which +struck me dumb. But, thus called upon, let me say, I bless Heaven, for +having allowed me to see your cloven-foot, while yet I can be out of its +reach. You may wound me to the soul, and (no longer able to conceal her +tears) you have most sorely wounded me through the side of William; but +I will never consent to enlarge him at the price of my honour. We are +poor people. He has not had the advantages of education as you have had; +but, lowly as his mind is, I am convinced he would first die, before I +should suffer for his sake. Permit me, Sir, to leave you, deeply +affected with the disappointments I have sustained; and more so, that +in part I have brought them on myself.' Luckily at this moment a servant +came in with a letter. 'You are now engaged, Sir,' she added, striving +to hide her distress from the man. 'Stay, young woman,' said the +Colonel, 'I have something more to say to you on this head.' 'I thank +you Sir,' said she, curtseying, 'but I will take the liberty of sending +my father to hear what further you may have to say on this subject.' He +endeavoured to detain her, but she took this opportunity of escaping. On +her return, she threw her arms round her mother's neck, unable to speak +for sobs. Good God! what were our feelings on seeing her distress! dying +to hear, yet dreading to enquire. My wife folded her speechless child to +her bosom, and in all the agony of despair besought her to explain this +mournful silence. Nancy slid from her mother's incircling arms, and sunk +upon her knees, hiding her face in her lap: at last she sobbed out, 'she +was undone for ever; her William would be hurried away, and the Colonel +was the basest of men.' These broken sentences served but to add to our +distraction. We urged a full account; but it was a long time before we +could learn the whole particulars. The poor girl now made a full recital +of all her folly, in having listened so long to the artful addresses of +Colonel Montague, and the no less artful persuasions of our perfidious +neighbour; and concluded, by imploring our forgiveness. It would have +been the height of cruelty, to have added to the already deeply wounded +Nancy. We assured her of our pardon, and spoke all the comfortable +things we could devise. She grew tolerably calm, and we talked +composedly of applying to some persons whom we hoped might assist us. +Just at this juncture, a confused noise made us run to the door, when we +beheld some soldiers marching, and dragging with them the unfortunate +William loaded with irons, and hand-cuffed. On my hastily demanding why +he was thus treated like a felon, the serjeant answered, he had been +detected in an attempt to desert; but that he would be tried to-morrow, +and might escape with five hundred lashes; but, if he did not mend his +manners for the future, he would be shot, as all such cowardly dogs +ought to be; and added, they were on the march the regiment. Figure to +yourself, Madam, what was now the situation of poor Nancy. Imagination +can hardly picture so distressed an object. A heavy stupor seemed to +take intire possession of all her faculties. Unless strongly urged, she +never opened her lips, and then only to breathe out the most +heart-piercing complaints. Towards the morning, she appeared inclinable +to doze; and her mother left her bed-side, and went to her own. When we +rose, my wife's first business was to go and see how her child fared; +but what was her grief and astonishment, to find the bed cold, and her +darling fled! A small scrap of paper, containing these few distracted +words, was all the information we could gain: + +'My dearest father and mother, make no inquiry after the most forlorn of +all wretches. I am undeserving of your least _regard_. I fear, I have +forfeited _that_ of Heaven. Yet pray for me: I am myself unable, as I +shall prove myself unworthy. I am in despair; what that despair may lead +to, I dare not tell: I dare hardly think. Farewell. May my brothers and +sisters repay you the tenderness which has been thrown away on A. +Johnson!' My wife's shrieks reached my affrighted ears; I flew to her, +and felt a thousand conflicting passions, while I read the dreadful +scroll. We ran about the yard and little field, every moment terrified +with the idea of seeing our beloved child's corpse; for what other +interpretation could we put on the alarming notice we had received, but +that to destroy herself was her intention? All our inquiry failed. I +then formed the resolution of going up to London, as I heard the +regiment was ordered to quarters near town, and _hoped_ there. After a +fruitless search of some days, our strength, and what little money we +had collected, nearly exhausted, it pleased the mercy of heaven to raise +us up a friend; one, who, like an angel, bestowed every comfort upon us; +in short, all comforts in one--our dear wanderer: restored her to us +pure and undefiled, and obtained us the felicity of looking forward to +better days. But I will pursue my long detail with some method, and +follow my poor distressed daughter thro' all the sad variety of woe she +was doomed to encounter. She told us, that, as soon as her mother had +left her room, she rose and dressed herself, wrote the little melancholy +note, then stole softly out of the house, resolving to follow the +regiment, and to preserve her lover by resigning herself to the base +wishes of the Colonel; that she had taken the gloomy resolution of +destroying herself, as soon as his discharge was signed, as she could +not support the idea of living in infamy. Without money, she followed +them, at a painful distance, on foot, and sustained herself from the +springs and a few berries; she arrived at the market-town where they +were to take up their quarters; and the first news that struck her ear +was, that a fine young fellow was just then receiving part of five +hundred lashes for desertion; her trembling limbs just bore her to the +dreadful scene; she saw the back of her William streaming with blood; +she heard his agonizing groans! she saw--she heard no more! She sunk +insensible on the ground. The compassion of the crowd around her, soon, +too soon, restored her to a sense of her distress. The object of it was, +at this moment, taken from the halberts, and was conveying away, to +have such applications to his lacerated back as should preserve his life +to a renewal of his torture. He was led by the spot where my child was +supported; he instantly knew her. 'Oh! Nancy,' he cried, 'what do I +see?' 'A wretch,' she exclaimed, 'but one who will do you justice. +Should my death have prevented this, freely would I have submitted to +the most painful. Yes, my William, I would have died to have released +you from those bonds, and the exquisite torture I have been witness to; +but the cruel Colonel is deaf to intreaty; nothing but my everlasting +ruin can preserve you. Yet you shall be preserved; and heaven will, I +hope, have that mercy on my poor soul, which, this basest of men will +not shew.' The wretches, who had the care of poor William, hurried him +away, nor would suffer him to speak. Nancy strove to run after them, but +fell a second time, through weakness and distress of mind. Heaven sent +amongst the spectators that best of men, the noble-minded Baron. Averse +to such scenes of cruel discipline, he came that way by accident; struck +with the appearance of my frantic daughter, he stopped to make some +inquiry. He stayed till the crowd had dispersed, and then addressed +himself to this forlorn victim of woe. Despair had rendered her wholly +unreserved; and she related, in few words, the unhappy resolution she +was obliged to take, to secure her lover from a repetition of his +sufferings. 'If I will devote myself to infamy to Colonel Montague,' +said she, 'my dear William will be released. Hard as the terms are, I +cannot refuse. See, see!' she screamed out, 'how the blood runs! Oh! +stop thy barbarous hand!' She raved, and then fell into a fit again. The +good Baron intreated some people, who were near, to take care of her. +They removed the distracted creature to a house in the town, where some +comfortable things were given her by an apothecary, which the care of +the Baron provided. + +'By his indefatigable industry, the Baron discovered the basest +collusion between the Colonel and serjeant; that, by the instigation of +the former, the latter had been tampering with the young recruit, about +procuring his discharge for a sum of money, which he being at that time +unable to advance, the serjeant was to connive at his escape, and +receive the stipulated reward by instalments. This infamous league was +contrived to have a plea for tormenting poor William, hoping, by that +means, to effect the ruin of Nancy. The whole of this black transaction +being unravelled, the Baron went to Colonel Montague, to whom he talked +in pretty severe terms. The Colonel, at first, was very warm, and wanted +much to decide the affair, as he said, in an honourable way. The Baron +replied, 'it was too _dishonourable_ a piece of business to be thus +decided; that he went on sure grounds; that he would prosecute the +serjeant for wilful and corrupt perjury; and how honourably it would +sound, that the Colonel of the regiment had conspired with such a fellow +to procure an innocent man so ignominious a punishment.' As this was not +an affair of common gallantry, the Colonel was fearful of the exposure +of it; therefore, to hush it up, signed the discharge, remitted the +remaining infliction of discipline, and gave a note of two hundred +pounds for the young people to begin the world with. The Baron +generously added the same sum. I had heard my daughter was near town; +the circumstances of her distress were aggravated in the accounts I had +received. Providence, in pity to my age and infirmities, at last brought +us together. I advertised her in the papers: and our guardian angel used +such means to discover my lodgings, as had the desired effect. My +children are now happy; they were married last week. Our generous +protector gave Nancy to her faithful William. We propose leaving this +place soon; and shall finish our days in praying for the happiness of +our benefactor.' + +"You will suppose," continued Miss Finch, "my dear Lady Stanley, how +much I was affected with this little narrative. I left the good folks +with my heart filled with resentment against Montague, and complacency +towards Ton-hausen. You will believe I did not hesitate long about the +dismission of the former; and my frequent conversations on this head +with the latter has made him a very favourable interest in my bosom. Not +that I have the vanity to think he possesses any predilection in my +favour; but, till I see a man I like as well as him, I will not receive +the addresses of any one." + +We joined in our commendation of the generous Baron. The manner in which +he disclaimed all praise, Miss Finch said, served only to render him +still more praise-worthy. He begged her to keep this little affair a +secret, and particularly from me. I asked Miss Finch, why he should make +that request? "I know not indeed," she answered, "except that, knowing I +was more intimate with you than any one beside, he might mention your +name by way of enforcing the restriction." Soon after this, Miss Finch +took leave. + +Oh, Louisa! dare I, even to your indulgent bosom, confide my secret +thoughts? How did I lament not being in the Park the day of this +adventure. _I_ might then have been the envied _confidante_ of the +amiable Ton-hausen. They have had frequent conversations in consequence. +The softness which the melancholy detail gave to Miss Finch's looks and +expressions, have deeply impressed the mind of the Baron. Should I have +shewn less sensibility? I have, indeed, rather sought to conceal the +tenderness of my soul. I have been constrained to do so. Miss Finch has +given her's full scope, and has riveted the chain which her beauty and +accomplishments first forged. But what am I doing? Oh! my sister, chide +me for thus giving loose to such expressions. How much am I to blame! +How infinitely more prudent is the Baron! He begged that _I_, of all +persons, should not know his generosity. Heavens! what an idea does that +give birth to! He has seen--Oh! Louisa, what will become of me, if he +should have discovered the struggles of my soul? If he should have +searched into the recesses of my heart, and developed the thin veil I +spread over the feelings I have laboured incessantly to overcome! He +then, perhaps, wished to conceal his excellencies from me, lest I should +be too partial to them. I ought then to copy his discretion. I will do +so; Yes, Louisa, I will drive his image from my bosom! I ought--I know +it would be my interest to wish him married to Miss Finch, or any one +that would make him happy. I am culpable in harbouring the remotest +desire of his preserving his attachment to me. He has had virtue enough. +to conquer so _improper_ an attachment; and, if improper in him, how +infinitely more so in me! But I will dwell no longer on this forbidden +subject; let me set bounds to my pen, as an earnest that I most truly +mean to do so to my thoughts. + +Think what an enormous packet I shall send you. Preserve your affection +for me, my dearest sister; and, trust to my asseverations, you shall +have no cause to blush for + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + + + +LETTER XXVIII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +This morning I dispatched to Anderton's Coffee-house the most elegant +locket in hair that you ever saw. May I be permitted to say thus much, +when the design was all my own? Yet, why not give myself praise when I +can? The locket is in the form and size of that bracelet I sent you; the +device, an altar, on which is inscribed these words, _To Gratitude_, an +elegant figure of a woman making an offering on her knees, and a winged +cherub bearing the incense to heaven. A narrow plait of hair, about the +breadth of penny ribbon, is fastened on each side the locket, near the +top, by three diamonds, and united with a bow of diamonds, by which it +may hang to a ribbon. I assure you, it is exceedingly pretty. I hope the +Sylph will approve of it. I forget to tell you, as the hair was taken +from my head by your dear hand before I married, I took the fancy of +putting the initials J. G. instead of J. S. It was a whim that seized +me, because the hair did never belong to J.S. + +Adieu! + +JULIA. + + + + +LETTER XXIX. + + +From the SYLPH to Lady STANLEY. + +Will my amiable charge be ever thus encreasing my veneration, my almost +adoration of her perfections? Yes, Julia; still pursue these methods, +and my whole life will be too confined a period to render you my +acknowledgments. Its best services have, and ever shall be, devoted to +your advantage. I have no other business, and, I am sure, no other +pleasure, in this world, than to watch over your interest; and, if I +should at any time be so fortunate as to have procured you the smallest +share of felicity, or saved you from the minutest inquietude, I shall +feel myself amply repaid; repaid! Where have I learnt so cold an +expression? from the earth-born sons of clay? I shall feel a bliss +beyond the sensation of a mortal! + +None but a mind delicate as your own can form an idea of the sentimental +joy I experienced on seeing the letters J.G. on the most elegant of +devices, an emblem of the lovely giver! There was a purity, a chasteness +of thought, in the design, which can only be conceived; all expression +would be faint; even my Julia can hardly define it. Wonder not at my +boundless partiality to you. You know not, you see not, yourself, as I +_know_ and _see_ you. I pierce through the recesses of your soul; each +fold expands itself to my eye; the struggles of your mind are open to my +view; I see how nobly your virtue towers over the involuntary tribute +you pay to concealed merit. But be not uneasy. Feel not humiliated, that +the secret of your mind is discovered to me. Heaven sees our thoughts, +and reads our hearts; we know it; but feel no restraint therefrom. +Consider me as Heaven's agent, and be not dismayed at the idea of +having a window in your breast, when only the sincerest, the most +disinterested of your friends, is allowed the privilege of looking +through it. Adieu! May the blest above (thy only superiors), guard you +from ill! So prays your + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXX. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Though encouraged by the commendations of my Sylph, I tremble when you +tell me the most retired secrets of my soul are open to your view. You +say you have seen its struggles. Oh! that you alone have seen them! +Could I be assured, that one _other_ is yet a stranger to those +struggles, I should feel no more humiliated (though that word is not +sufficiently strong to express my meaning), than I do in my confessions +to Heaven; because I am taught to believe, that our thoughts are +involuntary, and that we are not answerable for them, unless they tend +to excite us to evil actions. Mine, thank God! have done me no other +mischief, than robbing me of that _repose_, which, perhaps, had I been +blest with insensibility, might have been my portion. But a very large +share of insensibility must have been dealt out to me, to have guarded +me from my sense of merit in one person, and my feeling no affliction at +the want of it in another, that _other_ too, with whose fate mine is +unavoidably connected. I must do myself that justice to say, my heart +would have remained fixed with my hand, had my husband remained the +same. Had _he_ known no change, my affections would have centered in +him; that is, I should have passed through life a duteous and observant +partner of his cares and pleasures. When I married, I had never loved +any but my own relations; indeed I had seen no _one_ to love. The +language, and its emotions, were equally strangers to my ears or heart. +Sir William Stanley was the first man who used the one, and +consequently, in a bosom so young and inexperienced as mine, created the +other. He told me, he loved. I blushed, and felt confused; unhappily, I +construed these indications of self-love into an attachment for him. +Although this bore but a small relation to love, yet, in a breast where +virtue and a natural tenderness resided, it would have been sufficient +to have guarded my heart from receiving any other impression. He did so, +till repeated slights and irregularities on one hand, and on the other +all the virtues and graces that can adorn and beautify the mind, raised +a conflict in my bosom, that has destroyed my peace, and hurt my +constitution. I have a beloved sister, who deserves all the affection I +bear her; from her I have concealed nothing. She has read every secret +of my heart; for, when I wrote to her, reserve was banished from my pen. +This unfortunate predilection, which, believe me, I have from the first +combated with all my force, has given my Louisa, who has the tenderest +soul, the utmost uneasiness. I have very lately assured her, my resolves +to conquer this fatal attachment are fixed and permanent. I doubt (and +she thinks perhaps) I have too often indulged myself in dwelling upon +the dangerous subject in my frequent letters. I have given my word I +will mention him no more. Oh! my Sylph! how has he risen in my esteem +from a recent story I have heard of him! How hard is my fate (you can +read my thoughts, so that to endeavour to soften the expression would be +needless), that I am constrained to obey the man I can neither love nor +honour! and, alas! love the man, who is not, nor can be, any thing to +me. + +I have vowed to my sister, myself, and now to you, that, however hardly +treated, yet virtue and rectitude shall be my guide. I arrogate no great +merit to myself in still preserving myself untainted in this vortex of +folly and vice. No one falls all at once; and I have no temptation to do +so. The man I esteem above all others is superior to all others. His +manners refined, generous, virtuous, humane; oh! when shall I fill the +catalogue of his excellent qualities? He pays a deference to me, at +least used to do, because I was not tinctured with the licentious +fashion of the times; he would lose that esteem for me, were I to act +without decency and discretion; and I hope I know enough of my heart, to +say, I should no longer feel an attachment for him, did he countenance +vice. Alas! what is to be inferred from this, but that I shall carry +this fatal preference with me to the grave! Let me, however, descend to +_it_, without bringing disgrace on myself, sorrow on my beloved +relations, and repentance on my Sylph, for having thrown away his +counsels on an ingrate; and I will peacefully retire from a world for +whose pleasures I have very little taste. Adieu. + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +My dearest Sister, + +It is with infinite pleasure I receive your promise, of no longer +indulging your pen with a subject which has too much engaged your +thoughts of late; a pleasure, heightened by the assurance, that your +silence in future shall be an earnest of banishing an image from your +idea, which I cannot but own, from the picture you have drawn, is very +amiable, and, for that reason, very dangerous. I will, my Julia, emulate +your example; this shall be the last letter that treats on this +to-be-forbidden theme. Permit me, therefore, to make some comment on +your long letter. Sure never two people were more strongly contrasted +than the Baron and the Colonel. The one seems the kindly sun, cherishing +the tender herbage of the field; the other, the blasting mildew, +breathing its pestiferous venom over every beautiful plant and flower. +However, do you, my love, only regard them as virtue and vice +personified; look on them as patterns and examples; view them in no +other light; for in _no other_ can they be of any advantage to you. You +are extremely reprehensible (I hope, and believe, I shall never have +occasion to use such harsh language again) in your strictures on the +supposed change in the Baron's sentiments. You absolutely seem to +regret, if not express anger, that _he_ has had virtue sufficient to +resist the violence of an improper attachment. The efforts he has made, +and my partiality for you supposes them not to have been easily made, +ought to convince you, the conquest over ourselves is possible, though +oftentimes difficult. It is, I believe, (and I may say I am certain from +my own experience) a very mistaken notion, that we nourish our +afflictions, by keeping them to ourselves. I said, I know so +experimentally. While I indulged myself, and your tenderness induced you +to do the same, in lamenting in the most pathetic language the perfidy +of Mr. Montgomery and Emily Wingrove, I increased the wounds which that +_perfidy_ occasioned; but, when I took the resolution of never +mentioning their names, or ever suffering myself to dwell on former +scenes, burning every letter I had received from either; though these +efforts cost me floods of tears, and many sleepless nights, yet, in +time, my reflections lost much of their poignancy; and I chiefly +attribute it to my steady adherence to my laudable resolution. He +deserved not my tenderness, even if only because he was married to +another. This is the first time I have suffered my pen to write his name +since that determination; nor does he now ever mix with my thoughts +unless by chance, and then quite as an indifferent person. I have +recalled his idea for no other reason, than to convince you, that, +although painful, yet self-conquest is attainable. You will not think I +am endued with less sensibility than you are; and I had long been +authorized to indulge my attachment to this ingrate, and had long been +cruelly deceived into a belief, that his regard was equal to mine; +while, from the first, _you_ could have no _hope_ to lead you on by +flowery footsteps to the confines of _disappointment_ and _despair_; for +to those goals does that fallacious phantom too frequently lead. You +envy Miss Finch the distinction which accident induced the Baron to pay +her, by making her his _confidante_. Had you been on the spot, it is +possible you might have shared his confidence; but, believe me, I am +thankful to Heaven, that chance threw you not in his way; with your +natural tenderness, and your unhappy predilection, I tremble for what +might have been the consequence of frequent conversations, in which pity +and compassion bore so large a share, as perhaps might have superseded +every other consideration. I wish from my soul, and hope my Julia will +soon join my wish, that the Baron may be in earnest in his attention to +Miss Finch. I wish to have him married, that his engagements may +increase, and prevent your seeing him so often, as you now do, for +undoubtedly your difficulty will be greater; but consider, my dear +Julia, your triumph will be _greater_ likewise. It is sometimes harder +to turn one's eyes from a pleasing object than one's thoughts; yet there +is nothing which may not be achieved by resolution and perseverance; +both of which, I question not, my beloved will exert, if it be but to +lighten the oppressed mind of her faithful + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER XXXII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will my kind guardian candidly inform me if he thinks I may comply with +the desire of Sir William, in going next Thursday to the masquerade at +the Pantheon? Without your previous advice, I would not willingly +consent. Is it a diversion of which I may participate without danger? +Though I doubt there is hardly decency enough left in this part of the +world, that _vice_ need wear a mask; yet do not people give a greater +scope to their licentious inclinations while under that veil? However, +if you think I may venture with safety, I will indulge my husband, who +seems to have set his mind on my accompanying his party thither. Miss +Finch has promised to go if I go; and, as she has been often to those +motley meetings, assures me she will take care of me. Sir William does +not know of my application to that lady; but I did so, merely to gain +time to inform you, that I might have your sanction (or be justified by +your advising the contrary), either to accept or reject the invitation. + +I am ever your obliged, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +When the face is masked, the mind is uncovered. From the conduct and +language of those who frequent masquerades, we may judge of the +principles of their souls. A modest woman will blush in the dark; and a +man of honour would scorn to use expressions while behind a vizor, which +he would not openly avow in the face of day. A masquerade is then the +criterion, by which you should form your opinion of people; and, as I +believe I have before observed to my Julia, that female companions are +either the safest or most dangerous of any, you may make this trial, +whether Miss F. is, or is not, one in whom you may confide. When I say +_confide_, I would not be understood that you should place an unlimited +confidence in her; there is no occasion to lay our hearts bare to the +inspection of all our intimates; we should lessen the compliment we mean +to pay to our particular friends, by destroying that distinguishing +mark. But you want a female companion. Indeed, for your sake, I should +wish you one older than Miss F. and a married woman; yet, unless she was +very prudent, _you_ had better be the _leader_ than the _led_; +therefore, upon the whole, perhaps it is as well as it is. + +I shall never enough admire your amiable condescension, in asking (in a +manner) my permission to go to the Pantheon. And at the same time I feel +the delicacy of your situation, and the effect it must have on a woman +of your exquisite sensibility, to be constrained to appeal to another in +an article wherein her husband ought to be the properest guide. +Unhappily for you, Sir William will find so many engagements, that the +protection of his wife must be left either to her own discretion, or to +strangers. But your Sylph, my Julia, will never desert you. You request +my leave to go thither. I freely grant that, and even more than you +desire. I will meet my charge among the motley groupe. I do not demand a +description of your dress; for, oh! what disguise can conceal you from +him whose heart only vibrates in union with yours? I will not inform you +how I shall be habited that night, as I have not a doubt but that I +shall soon be discovered by you, though I shall be invisible to all +beside. Only you will see me; and I, of course, shall only see _you_; +you, who are all and every thing in this world to your faithful +attendant + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER XXXIV. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Will you ever thus be adding to my weight of obligation! Yes! my Sylph! +be still thus kind, thus indulgent; and be assured your benevolence +shall be repaid by my steady adherence to your virtuous counsel. Adieu! +Thursday is eagerly wished for by your's, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Enclosed my Louisa will find some letters which have passed between the +Sylph and your Julia. I have sent them, to inform you of my being +present at a masquerade, in compliance with the taste of Sir William, +who was very desirous of my exhibiting myself there. As he has of late +never intimated an inclination to have me in any of his parties till +this whim seized him, I thought it would not become me to refuse my +consent. You will find, however, I was not so dutiful a wife as to pay +an implicit obedience to his mandate, without taking the concurrence of +my guardian angel on the subject. My dear, you must be first +circumstanced as I am (which Heaven forbid!), before you can form an +idea of the satisfaction I felt on the assurances of my Sylph's being +present. No words can convey it to you. It seemed as if I was going to +enjoy the ultimate wish of my heart. As to my dress, I told Sir William +I would leave the choice of it to him, not doubting, in matters of +elegant taste, he would be far superior to me. I made him this +compliment, as I have been long convinced he has no other pleasure in +possessing me, than what is excited by the admiration which other people +bestow on me. Nay, he has said, unless he heard every body say his wife +was one of the handsomest women at court, he would never suffer her to +appear there, or any where else. + +That I might do credit to his taste, I was to be most superbly +brilliant; and Sir William desired to see my jewels. He objected to +their manner of being set, though they were quite new-done when he +married. But now these were detestable, horridly _outre_, and so +barbarously antique, that I could only appear as Rembrandt's Wife, or +some such relic of ancient history. As I had promised to be guided by +him, I acquiesced in what I thought a very unnecessary expense; but was +much laughed at, when I expressed my amazement at the jeweller's saying +the setting would come to about two hundred pounds. This is well worth +while for an evening's amusement, for they are now in such whimsical +forms, that they will be scarce fit for any other purpose. And oh! my +Louisa! do you not think I was cut to the soul when I had this painful +reflection to make, that many honest and industrious tradesmen are every +day dunning for their lawful demands, while we are thus throwing away +hundreds after hundreds, without affording the least heartfelt +satisfaction? + +Well, at last my dress was completed; but what character I assumed I +know not, unless I was the epitome of the folly of this world. I thought +myself only an agent to support all the frippery and finery of +_Tavistock-street_; but, however, I received many compliments on the +figure I made; and some people of the first fashion pronounced me to be +quite the thing. They say, one may believe the women when they praise +one of their own sex, and Miss Finch said, I had contrived to heighten +and improve every charm with which Nature had endowed me. Sir William +seemed to tread on air, to see and hear the commendations which were +lavished on me from all sides. To a man of his taste, I am no more than +any fashionable piece of furniture or new equipage; or, what will come +nearer our idea of things, a beautiful prospect, which a man fancies he +shall never be tired of beholding, and therefore builds himself an house +within view of it; by that time he is fixed, he hardly remembers what +was his motive, nor ever feels any pleasure but in pointing out its +various perfections to his guests; his vanity is awhile gratified, but +even that soon loses its _gout_; and he wonders how others can be +pleased with objects now grown familiar, and, consequently, indifferent +to him. But I am running quite out of the course. Suppose me now +dressed, and mingling with a fantastic groupe of all kinds of forms and +figures, striving to disengage my eyes from the throng, to single out my +Sylph. Our usual party was there; Miss Finch, Lady Barton, a distant +relation of her's, the Baron, Lord Biddulph, and some others; but it was +impossible to keep long together. Sometimes I found myself with one; +then they were gone, and I was _tete-a-tete_ with somebody else; for a +good while I observed a mask, who looked like a fortune-teller, followed +me about, particularly when the Baron and Miss Finch were with me. I +thought I must say something, so I asked him if he would tell me my +fortune. "Go into the next room," said he, in a whisper, "and you shall +see one more learned in the occult science than you think; but I shall +say no more while you are surrounded with so many observers." Nothing is +so easy as to get away from your company in a crowd: I slipped from +them, and went into a room which was nearly empty, and still followed by +the conjuror. I seated myself on a sopha, and just turned my head round, +when I perceived the most elegant creature that imagination can form +placed by me. I started, half-breathless with surprize. "Be not alarmed, +my Julia," said the phantom, (for such I at first thought it) "be not +alarmed at the appearance of your Sylph." He took my hand in his, and, +pressing it gently, speaking all the while in a soft kind of whisper, +"Does my amiable charge repent her condescension in teaching me to +believe she would be pleased to see her faithful adherent?" I begged him +to attribute my tremor to the hurry of spirits so new a scene excited, +and, in part, to the pleasure his presence afforded me. But, before I +proceed, I will describe his dress: his figure in itself seems the most +perfect I ever saw; the finest harmony of shape; a waistcoat and +breeches of silver tissue, exactly fitted to his body; buskins of the +same, fringed, &c.; a blue silk mantle depending from one shoulder, to +which it was secured by a diamond epaulette, falling in beautiful folds +upon the ground; this robe was starred all over with plated silver, +which had a most brilliant effect; on each shoulder was placed a +transparent wing of painted gauze, which looked like peacocks feathers; +a cap, suitable to the whole dress, which was certainly the most elegant +and best contrived that can be imagined. I gazed on him with the most +perfect admiration. Ah! how I longed to see his face, which the envious +mask concealed. His hair hung in sportive ringlets; and just carelessly +restrained from wandering too far by a white ribband. In more, the most +luxuriant fancy could hardly create a more captivating object. When my +astonishment a little subsided, I found utterance. "How is it possible I +should be so great a favourite of fortune as to interest you in my +welfare?" "We have each our task allotted us," he answered, "from the +beginning of the world, and it was my happy privilege to watch over your +destiny." "I speak to you as a man," said I, "but you answer only as a +Sylph." + +"Believe me," he replied, "it is the safest character I can assume. I +must divest myself of my feelings as a _man_, or I should be too much +enamoured to be serviceable to you: I shut my eyes to the beauties of +your person, which excites tumultuous raptures in the chastest bosom, +and only allow myself the free contemplation of your interior +perfections. There your virtue secures me, and renders my attachment as +pure as your own pure breast. I could not, however, resist this +opportunity of paying my personal _devoir_ to you, and yet I feel too +sensibly I shall be a sufferer from my indulgence; but I will never +forget that I am placed over you as your guardian-angel and protector, +and that my sole business on earth is to secure you from the wiles and +snares which are daily practised against youth and beauty. What does my +excellent pupil say? Does she still chearfully submit herself to my +guidance?" While he spoke this, he had again taken my hand, and pressed +it with rapture to his bosom, which, beating with violence, I own caused +no small emotion in mine. I gently withdrew my hand, and said, with as +composed a voice as I could command, "Yes, my Sylph, I do most readily +resign myself to your protection, and shall never feel a wish to put any +restriction on it, while I am enabled to judge of you from your own +criterion; while virtue presides over your lessons; while your +instructions are calculated to make me a good and respectable character, +I can form no wish to depart from them." He felt the delicacy of the +reproof, and, sighing, said, "Let me never depart from that sacred +character! Let me still remember I am your Sylph! But I believe I have +before said, a time may come when you will no longer stand in need of my +interposition. Shall I own to you, I sicken at the idea of my being +useless to you?" "The time can never arrive in which you will not be +serviceable to me, or, at least, when I shall not be inclined to ask and +follow your advice." "Amiable Julia! may I venture to ask you this +question? If fate should ever put it in your power to make a second +choice, would you consult your Sylph?" "Hear me," cried I, "while I give +you my hand on it, and attest heaven to witness my vow: that if I should +have the fate (which may that heaven avert!) to outlive Sir William, I +will abide by your decision; neither my hand nor affections shall be +disposed of without your concurrence. My obligations to you are +unbounded; my confidence in you shall likewise be the same; I can make +no other return than to resign myself solely to your guidance in that +and every other concern of moment to me." + +"Are you aware of what you have said, Lady Stanley?" + +"It is past recall," I answered; "and if the vow could return again into +my bosom, it should only be to issue thence more strongly ratified." + +"Oh!" cried he, clasping his hands together, "Oh! thou merciful Father, +make me but worthy of this amiable, and most excellent of all thy +creatures' confidence! None but the most accurst of villains could abuse +such goodness. The blameless purity and innocent simplicity of your +heart would make a convert of a libertine." "Alas!" said I, "that, I +fear, is impossible; but how infinitely happy should I be, if my utmost +efforts could work the least reformation in my husband! Could I but +prevail on him to quit this destructive place, and retire into the +peaceful country, I should esteem myself a fortunate woman." + +"And could you really quit these gay scenes, nor _cast one longing +lingering look behind?_" + +"Yes," I replied with vivacity, "nor even cast a thought on +what I had left behind!" + +"Would no one be remembered with a tender regret? Would your Sylph be +entirely forgotten?" + +"My Sylph," I answered, "is possessed of the power of omnipresence; he +would still be with me, wherever I went." + +"And would no other ever be thought of? You blush, Lady Stanley; the +face is the needle which points to the polar-star, the heart; from that +information, may I not conclude, some one, whom you would leave behind, +would mix with your ideas in your retirement, and that, even in +solitude, you would not be alone?" + +I felt my cheeks glow while he spoke; but, as I was a mask, I did not +suppose the Sylph could discover the emotion his discourse caused. +"Since," said I in a faultering voice, "you are capable of reading my +heart, it is unnecessary to declare its sentiments to you; but it would +be my purpose, in retirement, to obliterate every idea which might +conduce to rob my mind of peace; I should endeavour to reform as well as +my husband; and if he would oblige me by such a compliance to my will, I +should think I could do no less than seek to amuse him, and should, +indeed, devote my whole time and study to that purpose." + +"You may think I probe too deep: but is not your desire of retirement +stronger, since you have conceived the idea of the Baron's entertaining +a _penchant_ for Miss Finch, than it has been heretofore?" + +I sighed--"Indeed you do probe very deep; and the pain you cause is +exquisite: but I know it is your friendly concern for me; and it proves +how needful it is to apply some remedy for the wound, the examination of +which is so acute. Instruct me, ought I to wish him married? Should I be +happier if he was so? And if he married Miss Finch, should I not be as +much exposed to danger as at present, for his amiable qualities are more +of the domestic kind?" + +"I hardly know how to answer to these interrogatories; nor am I a judge +of the heart and inclinations of the Baron; only thus much: if you have +ever had any cause to believe him impressed with your idea, I cannot +suppose it possible for Miss Finch, or any other woman, to obliterate +that idea. But, _the heart of man is deceitful above all things_. For +the sake of your interest, I wish Sir William would adopt your plan, +though I have my doubts that his affairs are not in the power of any +ceconomy to arrange; and this consideration urges me to enforce what I +have before advised, that you do not surrender up any farther part of +your jointure, as _that_ may, too soon, be your sole support; and I have +seen a recent proof of what mean subterfuges some men are necessitated +to fly to, in order to extricate themselves for a little time. But the +room fills; our conversation may be noticed; and, in this age of +dissipation and licentiousness, to escape censure we must not stray +within the limits of impropriety. Your having been so long _tete-a-tete_ +with any character will be observed. Adieu therefore for the +present--see, Miss Finch is approaching." I turned my eye towards the +door; the Sylph rose--I did the same--he pressed my hand on his quitting +it; I cast my eye round, but I saw him no more; how he escaped my view I +know not. Miss Finch by this time bustled through the crowd, and asked +me where I had been, and whether I had seen the Baron, whom she had +dispatched to seek after me? + +The Baron then coming up, rallied me for hiding myself from the party, +and losing a share of merriment which had been occasioned by two +whimsical masks making themselves very ridiculous to entertain the +company. I assured them I had not quitted that place after I missed them +in the great room; but, however, adding, that I had determined to wait +there till some of the party joined me, as I had not courage to venture +a _tour_ of the rooms by myself. To be sure all this account was not +strictly true; but I was obliged to make some excuse for my behaviour, +which otherwise might have caused some suspicion. They willingly +accompanied me through every room, but my eyes could no where fix on the +object they were in search of, and therefore returned from their survey +dissatisfied. I complained of fatigue, which was really true, for I had +no pleasure in the hurry and confusion of the multitude, and it grew +late. I shall frighten you, Louisa, by telling you the hour; but we did +not go till twelve at night. I soon met with Sir William, and on my +expressing an inclination to retire, to my great astonishment, instead +of censuring, he commended my resolution, and hasted to the door to +procure my carriage. When you proceed, my dear Louisa, you will wonder +at my being able to pursue, in so methodical a manner, this little +narrative; but I have taken some time to let my thoughts subside, that I +might not anticipate any circumstance of an event that may be productive +of very serious consequences. Well then, pleased as I was with Sir +William's ready compliance with my request of returning, suppose me +seated in my chair, and giving way to some hopes that he would yet see +his errors, and some method be pitched on to relieve all. He was ready +to hand me out of the chair, and led me up stairs into my dressing-room. +I had taken off my mask, as it was very warm; he still kept his on, and +talked in the same kind of voice he practised at the masquerade. He paid +me most profuse compliments on the beauty of my dress, and, throwing his +arms round my waist, congratulated himself on possessing such an angel, +at the same time kissing my face and bosom with such a strange kind of +eagerness as made me suppose he was intoxicated; and, under that idea, +being very desirous of disengaging myself from his arms, I struggled to +get away from him. He pressed me to go to bed; and, in short, his +behaviour was unaccountable: at last, on my persisting to intreat him to +let me go, he blew out one of the candles. I then used all my force, and +burst from him, and at that instant his mask gave way; and in the dress +of my husband, (Oh, Louisa! judge, if you can, of my terror) I beheld +that villain Lord Biddulph. + +"Curse on my folly!" cried he, "that I could not restrain my raptures +till I had you secure." + +"Thou most insolent of wretches!" said I, throwing the most contemptuous +looks at him, "how dared you assume the dress of my husband, to treat me +with such indignity?" While I spoke, I rang the bell with some violence. + +He attempted to make some apology for his indiscretion, urging the force +of his passion, the power of my charms, and such stuff. + +I stopped him short, by telling him, the only apology I should accept +would be his instantly quitting the house, and never insulting me again +with his presence. With a most malignant sneer on his countenance, he +said, "I might indeed have supposed my caresses were disagreeable, when +offered under the character of an husband; I had been more blest, at +least better received, had I worn the dress of the Baron. All men, Lady +Stanley, are not so blind as Sir William." I felt myself ready to expire +with confusion and anger at his base insinuation. + +"Your hint," said I, "is as void of truth as you are of honour; I +despise both equally; but would advise you to be cautious how you dare +traduce characters so opposite to your own." + +By this time a servant came in; and the hateful wretch walked off, +insolently wishing me a good repose, and humming an Italian air, though +it was visible what chagrin was painted on his face. Preston came into +the room, to assist me in undressing:--she is by no means a favourite of +mine; and, as I was extremely fatigued and unable to sit up, I did not +chuse to leave my door open till Sir William came home, nor did I care +to trust her with the key. I asked for Winifred. She told me, she had +been in bed some hours. "Let her be called then," said I. "Can't I do +what your ladyship wants?" + +"No; I chuse to have Win sit with me." "I will attend your ladyship, if +you please." + +"It would give me more pleasure if you would obey, than dispute my +orders." I was vexed to the soul, and spoke with a peevishness unusual +to me. She went out of the room, muttering to herself. I locked the +door, terrified lest that monster had concealed himself somewhere in the +house; nor would I open it till I heard Win speak. Poor girl! she got up +with all the chearfulness in the world, and sat by my bed-side till +morning, Sir William not returning the whole night. My fatigue, and the +perturbation of mind I laboured under, together with the total +deprivation of sleep, contributed to make me extremely ill. But how +shall I describe to you, my dear Louisa, the horror which the reflection +of this adventure excited in me? + +Though I had, by the mercy of heaven, escaped the danger, yet the +apprehension it left on my mind is not, to be told; and then the tacit +apprehension which the base wretch threw on my character, by daring to +say, he had been more _welcome_ under another appearance, struck so +forcibly on my heart, that I thought I should expire, from the fears of +his traducing my fame; for what might I not expect from such a +consummate villain, who had so recently proved to what enormous lengths +he could go to accomplish his purposes? The blessing of having +frustrated his evil design could hardly calm my terrors; I thought I +heard him each moment, and the agitation of my mind operated so +violently on my frame, that my bed actually shook under me. Win suffered +extremely from her fears of my being dangerously ill, and wanted to +have my leave to send for a physician; but I too well knew it was not in +the power of medicine to administer relief to my feelings; and, after +telling her I was much better, begged her not to quit my room at any +rate. + +About eleven I rose, so weak and dispirited, that I could hardly support +myself. Soon after, I heard Sir William's voice; I had scarce strength +left to speak to him; he looked pale and forlorn. I had had a conflict +within myself, whether I should relate the behaviour of Lord Biddulph to +my husband, lest the consequences should be fatal; but my spirits were +so totally exhausted, that I could not articulate a sentence without +tears. "What is the matter, Julia, with you," said he, taking my hand; +"you seem fatigued to death. What a poor rake you are!" + +"I have had something more than _fatigue_ to discompose me," answered I, +sobbing; "and I think I have some reproaches to make you, for not +attending me home as you promised." + +"Why Lord Biddulph promised to see you home. I saw him afterwards; and +he told me, he left you at your own house." + +"Lord Biddulph!" said I, with the most scornful air; "and did he tell +you likewise of the insolence of his behaviour? Perhaps he promised you +too, that he would insult me in my own house." + +"Hey-day, Julia! what's in the wind now? Lord Biddulph insult you! pray +let me into the whole of this affair?" I then related the particulars of +his impudent conduct, and what I conceived his design to be, together +with the repulse I had given him. + +Sir William seemed extremely _chagrined_; and said, he should talk in a +serious manner on the occasion to Lord Biddulph; and, if his answers +were not satisfactory, he should lie under the necessity of calling him +to account in the field. Terrified lest death should be the consequence +of a quarrel between this infamous Lord and my husband, I conjured Sir +William not to take any notice of the affair, any otherwise than to give +up his acquaintance; a circumstance much wished for by me, as I have +great reason to believe, Sir William's passion for play was excited by +his intimacy with him; and, perhaps, may have led him to all the +enormities he has too readily, and too rapidly, plunged himself into. He +made no scruple to assure me, that he should find no difficulty in +relinquishing the acquaintance; and joined with me, that a silent +contempt would be the most cutting reproof to a man of his cast. On my +part, I am resolved my doors shall never grant him access again; and, if +Sir William should entirely break with him (which, after this atrocious +behaviour, I think he must), I may be very happy that I have been the +instrument, since I have had such an escape. + +But still, Louisa, the innuendo of Lord Biddulph disturbs my peace. How +shall I quiet my apprehensions? Does he dare scrutinize my conduct, and +harbour suspicions of my predilection for a certain unfortunate? Base as +is his soul, he cannot entertain an idea of the purity of a virtuous +attachment! Ah! that speech of his has sunk deep in my memory; no time +will efface it. When I have been struggling too--yes, Louisa, when I +have been combating this fatal--But what am I doing? Why do I use these +interdicted expressions? I have done. Alas! what is become of my +boasting? If I cannot prescribe rules to a pen, which I can, in one +moment, throw into the fire; how shall I restrain the secret murmurings +of my mind, whose thoughts I can with difficulty silence, or even +control? Adieu! your's, more than her own, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XXXVI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Alas! Louisa, fresh difficulties arise every day; and every day I find +an exertion of my spirits more necessary, and myself less able to exert +them. Sir William told me this morning, that he had lost frequent sums +to Lord Biddulph (it wounds my soul to write his detested name); and +since it was prudent to give up the acquaintance, it became highly +incumbent on him to discharge these play-debts, for which purpose he +must have recourse to me, and apprehended he should find no difficulty, +as I had expressed my wish of his breaking immediately with his +lordship. This was only the prelude to a proposal of my resignation of +my marriage articles. My ready compliance with his former demands +emboldened him to be urgent with me on this occasion. At first, I made +some scruples, alledging the necessity there was of keeping something by +us for a future day, as I had too much reason to apprehend, that what I +could call my own would be all we should have to support us. This +remonstrance of mine, however just, threw Sir William into a rage; he +paced about the room like a madman; swore that his difficulties +proceeded from my damned prudery; and that I should extricate him, or +abide by the consequences. In short, Louisa, he appeared in a light +entirely new to me; I was almost petrified with terror, and absolutely +thought once he would beat me, for he came up to me with such fierce +looks, and seized me by the arm, which he actually bruised with his +grasp, and bade me, at my peril, refuse to surrender the writings to +him. After giving me a violent shake, he pushed me from him with such +force that I fell down, unable to support myself, from the trembling +with which my whole frame was possessed. + +"Don't think to practise any of the cursed arts of your sex upon me; +don't pretend to throw yourself into fits." + +"I scorn your imputation, Sir William," said I, half fainting and +breathless, "nor shall I make any resistance or opposition to your +leaving me a beggar. I have now reason to believe I shall not live to +want what you are determined to force from me, as these violent methods +will soon deprive me of my existence, even if _you_ would withhold the +murderous knife." + +"Come, none of your damned whining; let me have the papers; and let us +not think any more about it." He offered to raise me. "I want not your +assistance," said I. "Oh! you are sulky, are you; but I shall let you +know, Madam, these airs will not do with me." I had seated myself on a +chair, and leaned my elbow on a table, supporting my head with my hand; +he snatched my hand away from my face, while he was making the last +speech. "What the devil! am I to wait all day for the papers? Where are +the keys?" "Take them," said I, drawing them from my pocket; "do what +you will, provided you leave me to myself." "Damned sex!" cried he. +"Wives or mistresses, by Heaven! you are all alike." So saying, he went +out of the room, and, opening my bureau, possessed himself of the +parchment so much desired by him. I have not seen him since, and now it +is past eleven. What a fate is mine! However, I have no more to give up; +so he cannot storm at, or threaten me again, since I am now a beggar as +well as himself. I shall sit about an hour longer, and then I shall +fasten my door for the night; and I hope he will not insist on my +opening it for him. I make Win lie in a little bed in a closet within my +room. She is the only domestic I can place the least confidence in. She +sees my eyes red with weeping; she sheds tears, but asks no questions. +Farewell, my dearest Louisa: pity the sufferings of thy sister, who +feels every woe augmented by the grief she causes in your sympathizing +breast. + +Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXVII. + + +From the SYLPH. + +I find my admonitions have failed, and my Julia has relinquished all her +future dependence. Did you not promise an implicit obedience to my +advice? How comes it then, that your husband triumphs in having the +power of still visiting the gaming-tables, and betting with the utmost +_eclat_? Settlements, as the late Lord Hardwicke used to say, are the +foolishest bonds in nature, since there never yet was a woman who might +not be kissed or kicked out of it: which of those methods Sir William +has adopted, I know not; but it is plain it was a successful one. I pity +you, my Julia; I grieve for you; and much fear, now Sir William has lost +all restraint, he will lose the appearance of it likewise. What resource +will he pursue next? Be on your guard, my most amiable friend; my +foresight deceives me, or your danger is great. For when a man can once +lose his humanity, so far as to deprive his wife of the means of +subsisting herself, I much, very much fear he will so effectually lose +his honour likewise, as to make a property of her's. May I judge too +severely! May Sir William be an exception to my rule! And oh! may you, +the fairest work of Heaven, be equally its care! + +Adieu! + + + + +LETTER XXXVIII. + + +To the SYLPH. + +Alas! I look for comfort when I open my kind Sylph's letters; yet in +this before me you only point out the shoals and quicksands--but hold +not out your sustaining hand, to guide me through the devious path. I +have disobeyed your behest; but you know not how I have been urged, and +my pained soul cannot support the repetition. I will ever be implicit in +my obedience to you, as far as _I_ am concerned only; as to this +particular point, you would not have had me disobeyed my husband, I am +sure. Indeed I could do no other than I did. If he should make an ill +use of the sums raised, I am not answerable for it; but, if he had been +driven to any fatal exigence through my refusal, my wretchedness would +have been more exquisite than it now is, which I think would have +exceeded what I could have supported. Something is in agitation now; but +what I am totally a stranger to. I have just heard from one of my +servants, that Mr. Stanley, an uncle of Sir William's, is expected in +town. Would to Heaven he may have the will and power to extricate us! +but I hear he is of a most morose temper, and was never on good terms +with his nephew. The dangers you hint at, I hope, and pray without +ceasing to Heaven, to be delivered from. Oh! that Sir William would +permit me to return to my dear father and sister! in their kind embraces +I should lose the remembrance of the tempests I have undergone; like the +poor shipwrecked mariner, I should hail the friendly port, and never, +never trust the deceitful ocean more. But ah! how fruitless this wish! +Here I am doomed to stay, a wretch undone. + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XXXIX. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +The Baron called here this morning. Don't be angry with me, my dearest +Louisa, for mentioning _his_ name, this will indeed be the last time. +Never more will thy sister behold him. He is gone; yes, Louisa, I shall +never see him again. But will his looks, his sighs, and tears, be +forgotten? Oh! never, never! He came to bid me adieu, "Could I but leave +you happy," he cried in scarce articulate accents--"Was I but blest with +the remote hope of your having your merit rewarded in this world, I +should quit you with less regret and anguish. Oh! Lady Stanley! best of +women! I mean not to lay claim to your gratitude; far be such an idea +from my soul! but for your sake I leave the kingdom." + +"For mine!" I exclaimed, clasping my hands wildly together, hardly +knowing what I said or did, "What! leave me! Leave the kingdom for my +sake! Oh! my God! what advantage can accrue to me by losing"--I could +not proceed; my voice failed me, and I remained the petrified statue of +despair. + +"Lady Stanley," said he with an assumed calmness, "be composed, and hear +me. In an age like this, where the examples of vice are so many and so +prevalent, though a woman is chaste as the icicle that hangs on Diana's +temple, still she will be suspected; and, was the sun never to look upon +her, yet she would be tainted by the envenomed breath of slander. Lady +Anne Parker has dared in a public company to say, that the most virtuous +and lovely of her sex will speedily find consolation for the infidelity +of her husband, by making reprisals; her malevolence has farther induced +her to point her finger to one, who adores all the virtues with which +Heaven first endued woman in your form. A voluntary banishment on my +side may wipe off this transient eclipse of the fairest and most amiable +character in the world, and the beauties of it shine forth with greater +lustre, like the diamond, which can only be sullied by the breath, and +which evaporates in an instant, and beams with fresh brilliancy. I would +not wish you to look into my heart," added he with a softened voice, +"lest your compassion might affect you too much; yet you know not, you +never can know, what I have suffered, and must for ever suffer. + + "Condemn'd, alas! whole ages to deplore, + And image charms I must behold no more." + +I sat motionless during his speech; but, finding him silent, and, I +believe, from his emotions, unable to proceed, "Behold," cried I, "with +what a composed resignation I submit to my fate. I hoped I had been too +inconsiderable to have excited the tongue of slander, or fix its sting +in my bosom. But may you, my friend, regain your peace and happiness in +your native country!" + +"My native country!" exclaimed he, "What is my native country, what the +whole globe itself, to that spot which contains all? But I will say no +more. I dare not trust myself, I must not. Oh Julia! forgive me! Adieu, +for ever!" I had no voice to detain him; I suffered him to quit the +room, and my eyes lost sight of him--for ever! + +I remained with my eyes stupidly fixed on the door. Oh! Louisa, dare I +tell you? my soul seemed to follow him; and all my sufferings have been +trivial to this. To be esteemed by him, to be worthy his regard, and +read his approbation in his speaking eyes; this was my support, this +sustained me, nor suffered my feet to strike against a stone in this +disfigured path of destruction. He was my polar star. But he is gone, +and knows not how much I loved him. I knew it not myself; else how could +I promise never to speak, never to think of him again? But whence these +wild expressions? Oh! pardon the effusions of phrenetic fancy. I know +not what I have said. I am lost, lost! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XL. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Congratulate me, my dear Jack, on having beat the Baron out of the pit. +He is off, my boy! and now I may play a safer game; for, between +ourselves, I have as much inclination to sleep in a whole skin, as +somebody else you and I know of. I have really been more successful than +I could have flattered myself I should be; but the devil still stands my +friend, which is but grateful to be sure, as the devil is in it if one +good turn does not deserve another; and I have helped his sable divinity +to many a good job in my day. The summit of my wishes was to remove this +troublesome fellow; but he has taken himself clean out of the kingdom, +lest the fame of his Dulcinea should suffer in the _Morning Post_. He, +if any man could, would not scruple drubbing that _Hydra_ of scandal; +but then the stain would still remain where the blot had been made. I +think you will be glad that he is punished at any rate for his +impertinent interference in your late affair with the recruit's +sweetheart. These delicate minds are ever contriving their own misery; +and, from their exquisite sensibility, find out the method of refining +on torture. Thus, in a fit of heroics, he has banished himself from the +only woman he loves; and who in a short time, unless my ammunition +fails, or my mine springs, too soon he might have a chance of being +happy with, was he cast in mortal mould.--But I take it, he is one of +that sort which Madame Sevigne calls "a pumkin fried in snow," or +engendered between a Lapland sailor and a mermaid on the icy plains of +Greenland. Even the charms of Julia can but just warm him. He does not +burn like me. The consuming fire of Etna riots not in his veins, or he +would have lost all consideration, but that of the completion of his +whims. Mine have become ten times more eager from the resistance I have +met with. Fool that I was! not to be able to keep a rein over my +transports, till I had extinguished the lights! but to see her before +me, my pulse beating with tumultuous passion, and my villainous fancy +anticipating the tempting scene, all conspired to give such spirit to my +caresses, as ill suited with the character I assumed of an indifferent +husband. Like _Calista_ of old, she soon discovered the God under the +semblance of Diana. Heavens! how she fired up, and like the leopard, +appeared more beauteous when heightened by anger? But in vain, my pretty +trembler, in vain you struggle in the toils; thy price is paid, and thou +wilt soon be mine. Stanley has lost every thing to me but his property +in his wife's person; and though perhaps he may make a few wry faces, he +must digest that bitter pill. He has obliged her to give up all her +jointure, so she has now no dependance. What a fool he is! but he has +ever been so; the most palpable cheat passes on him; and though he is +morally certain, that to _play_ and to _lose_ is one and the same thing, +yet nothing can cure his cursed itch of gaming. Notwithstanding all the +_remonstrances_ I have made, and the _dissuasives_ I have daily used, he +is bent upon his own destruction; and, since that is plainly the case, +why may not I, and a few clever fellows like myself, take advantage of +his egregious folly? + +It was but yesterday I met him. "I am most consumedly in the flat key, +Biddulph," said he; "I know not what to do with myself. For God's sake! +let us have a little touch at billiards, picquet, or something, to drive +the devil melancholy out of my citadel (touching his bosom), for, by my +soul, I believe I shall make away with myself, if left to my own +_agreeable_ meditations." As usual, I advised him to reflect how much +luck had run against him, and begged him to be cautious; that I +positively had no pleasure in playing with one who never turned a game; +that I should look out for some one who understood billiards well enough +to be my conqueror. "What the devil!" cried he, "you think me a novice? +come, come, I will convince you, to your sorrow, I know something of the +game; I'll bet you five hundred, Biddulph, that I pocket your ball in +five minutes." + +"You can't beat me," said I, "and I will give you three." + +"I'll be damned if I accept three; no, no, let us play on the square." +So to it we went; and as usual it ended. The more he loses, the more +impetuous and eager he is to play. + +There will be a confounded bustle soon; his uncle, old Stanley, is +coming up to town. In disposing of his wife's jointure, part of which +was connected with an estate of Squaretoes, the affair has consequently +reached his ears, and he is all fury upon the occasion. I believe there +has been a little chicanery practised between Sir William and his +lawyer, which will prove but an ugly business. However, thanks to my +foresight in these matters, I am out of the scrape; but I can see the +Baronet is cursedly off the hooks, from the idea of its transpiring, and +had rather see the Devil than the Don. He has burnt his fingers, and +smarts till he roars again. Adieu! dear Jack: + +Remember thy old friend, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLI. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +My storm of grief is now a little appeased; and I think I ought to +apologize to my dearest Louisa, for making her so free a participator of +my phrenzy; yet I doubt not of your forgiveness on this, as well as many +occasions, reflecting with the liveliest gratitude on the extreme +tenderness you have ever shewn me. + +The morning after I had written that incoherent letter to you, Miss +Finch paid me a visit. She took no notice of the dejection of my +countenance, which I am convinced was but too visible; but, putting on a +chearful air, though I thought she too looked melancholy when she first +came in, "I am come to tell you, my dear Lady Stanley," said she, "that +you must go to Lady D--'s route this evening; you know you are engaged, +and I design you for my _chaperon_." "Excuse me, my dear," returned I, "I +cannot think of going thither, and was just going to send a card to that +purpose." + +"Lady Stanley," she replied, "you must go indeed. I have a very +particular reason for urging you to make your appearance there." "And I +have as particular a reason," said I, turning away my head to conceal a +tear that would unbidden start in my eye, "to prevent my going there or +any where else at present." + +Her eyes were moistened; when, taking my hand in her's, and looking up +in my face with the utmost friendliness, "My amiable Lady Stanley, it +grieves my soul, to think any of the licentious wretches in this town +should dare asperse such excellence as your's; but that infamous +creature, Lady Anne, said last night, in the coffee-room at the opera, +that she had heard Lady Stanley took to heart (was her expression) the +departure of Baron Ton-hausen; and that she and Miss Finch had +quarrelled about their gallant. Believe me, I could sooner have lost the +power of speech, than have communicated so disagreeable a piece of +intelligence to you, but that I think it highly incumbent on you, by +appearing with chearfulness in public with me, to frustrate the +malevolence of that spightful woman as much as we both can." + +"What have I done to that vile woman?" said I, giving a loose to my +tears; "In what have I injured her, that she should thus seek to blacken +my name?" + +"Dared to be virtuous, while she is infamous," answered Miss +Finch;--"but, however, my dear Lady Stanley, you perceive the necessity +of contradicting her assertion of our having quarrelled on any account; +and nothing can so effectually do it as our appearing together in good +spirits." + +"Mine," cried I, "are broken entirely. I have no wish to wear the +semblance of pleasure, while my heart is bowed down with woe." + +"But we must do disagreeable things sometimes to keep up appearances. +That vile woman, as you justly call her, would be happy to have it in +her power to spread her calumny; we may in part prevent it: besides, I +promised the Baron I would not let you sit moping at home, but draw you +out into company, at the same time giving you as much of mine as I +could, and as I found agreeable to you." + +"I beg you to be assured, my dear, that the company of no one can be +more so than your's. And, as I have no doubts of your sincere wish for +my welfare, I will readily submit myself to your discretion. But how +shall I be able to confront that infamous Lady Anne, who will most +probably be there?" "Never mind her; let conscious merit support you. +Reflect on your own worth, nor cast one thought on such a wretch. I will +dine with you; and in the evening we will prepare for this visit." + +I made no enquiry why the Baron recommended me so strongly to Miss +Finch. I thought such enquiry might lead us farther than was prudent; +besides, I knew Miss Finch had a _tendre_ for him, and therefore, +through the course of the day, I never mentioned his name. Miss Finch +was equally delicate as myself; our discourse then naturally fell on +indifferent subjects; and I found I grew towards the evening much more +composed than I had been for some time. The party was large; but, to +avoid conversation as much as possible, I sat down to a quadrille-table +with Miss Finch; and, encouraged by her looks and smiles, which I +believe the good girl forced into her countenance to give me spirits, I +got through the evening tolerably well. The next morning, I walked with +my friend into the Park. I never dine out, as I would wish always to be +at home at meal-times, lest Sir William should chuse to give me his +company, but that is very seldom the case; and as to the evenings, I +never see him, as he does not come home till three or four in the +morning, and often stays out the whole night. We have of course separate +apartments. Adieu, my beloved! Would to God I could fly into your arms, +and there forget my sorrows! + +Your's, most affectionately, + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLII. + + +TO Lord BIDDULPH. + +For Heaven's sake, my dear Lord, let me see you instantly; or on second +thoughts (though I am too much perplexed to be able to arrange them +properly) I will lay before you the accursed difficulties with which I +am surrounded, and then I shall beg the favour of you to go to Sir +George Brudenel, and see what you can do with him. Sure the devil owes +me some heavy grudge; every thing goes against me. Old Stanley has +rubbed through a damned fit of the gout. Oh! that I could kill him with +a wish! I then should be a free man again. + +You see I make no scruple of applying to you, relying firmly on your +professions of friendship; and assure yourself I shall be most happy in +subscribing to any terms that you may propose for your own security; for +fourteen thousand six hundred pounds I must have by Friday, if I pawn my +soul twenty times for the sum. If you don't assist me, I have but one +other method (you understand me), though I should be unwilling to be +driven to such a procedure. But I am (except my hopes in you) all +despair. + +Adieu! + +W. STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER XLIII. + + +Enclosed in the foregoing. + +TO Sir WILLIAM STANLEY. + +Sir, + +I am extremely concerned, and as equally surprized, to find by my +lawyer, that the Pemberton estate was not your's to dispose of. He tells +me it is, after the death of your wife, the sole property of your uncle; +Mr. Dawson (who is Mr. Stanley's lawyer) having clearly proved it to him +by the deeds, which he swears he is possessed of. How then, Sir William, +am I to reconcile this intelligence with the transactions between us? I +have paid into your hands the sum of fourteen thousand six hundred +pounds; and (I am sorry to write so harshly) have received a forged deed +of conveyance. Mr. Dawson has assured Stevens, my lawyer, that his +client never signed that conveyance. I should be very unwilling to bring +you, or any gentleman, into such a dilemma; but you may suppose I should +be as sorry to lose such a sum for nothing; nor, indeed, could I consent +to injure my heirs by such a negligence. I hope it will suit you to +replace the above sum in the hands of my banker, and I will not hesitate +to conceal the writings now in my possession; but the money must be paid +by Friday next. You will reflect on this maturely, as you must know in +what a predicament you at present stand, and what must be the +consequence of such an affair coming under the cognizance of the law. + +I remain, Sir, + +Your humble servant, + +GEORGE BRUDENEL. + + + + +LETTER XLIV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +I write to you, my dearest Louisa, under the greatest agitation of +spirits; and know no other method of quieting them, than communicating +my griefs to you. But alas! how can you remedy the evils of which I +complain? or how shall I describe them to you? How many times I have +repeated, _how hard is my fate_! Yes, Louisa! and I must still repeat +the same. In short, what have I to trust to? I see nothing before me but +the effects of deep despair. I tremble at every sound, and every +footstep seems to be the harbinger of some disaster. + +Sir William breakfasted with me this morning, the first time these three +weeks, I believe. A letter was brought him. He changed countenance on +the perusal of it; and, starting up, traversed the room in great +disorder. "Any ill news, Sir William?" I asked. He heeded me not, but +rang the bell with violence. "Get the chariot ready directly--No, give +me my hat and sword." Before they could be brought, he again changed his +mind. He would then write a note. He took the standish, folded some +paper, wrote, blotted, and tore many sheets, bit his lips, struck his +forehead, and acted a thousand extravagances. I could contain myself no +longer. "Whatever may be the consequence of your anger, Sir William," +said I, "I must insist on knowing what sudden turn of affairs has +occasioned this present distress. For Heaven's sake! do not refuse to +communicate your trouble. I cannot support the agony your agitation has +thrown me into." + +"And you would be less able to support it, were I to communicate it." + +"If you have any pity for me," cried I, rising, and going up to him, "I +conjure you by that pity to disclose the cause of your disorder. Were I +certain of being unable to bear the shock, yet I would meet it with +calmness, rather than be thus kept in the most dreadful suspence." + +"Suffice it then," cried he, throwing out his arm, "I am ruined for +ever." + +"Ruined!" I repeated with a faint voice. + +"Yes!" he answered, starting on his feet, and muttering curses between +his teeth. Then, after a fearful pause, "There is but one way, but one +way to escape this impending evil." + +"oh!" cried I, "may you fall on the right way! but, perhaps, things may +not be so bad as you apprehend; you know I have valuable jewels; let me +fetch them for you; the sale of them will produce a great deal of +money." + +"Jewels! O God! they are gone, you have no jewels." + +"Indeed, my dear Sir William," I replied, shocked to death at seeing the +deplorable way he was in; and fearing, from his saying they were gone, +that his head was hurt--"Indeed, my dear Sir William, I have them in my +own cabinet," and immediately fetched them to him. He snatched them out +of my hand, and, dashing them on the floor, "Why do you bring me these +damned baubles; your diamonds are gone; these are only paste." + +"What do you mean?" I cried, all astonishment, "I am sure they are such +as I received them from you." + +"I know it very well; but I sold them when you thought them new-set; and +now I am more pushed than ever." + +"They were your's, Sir William," said I, stifling my resentment, as I +thought he was now sufficiently punished, "you had therefore a right to +dispose of them whenever you chose; and, had you made me the +_confidante_ of your intention, I should not have opposed it; I am only +sorry you should have been so distressed as to have yielded to such a +necessity, for though my confidence in you, and my ignorance in jewels, +might prevent _my_ knowing them to be counterfeits, yet, no doubt, every +body who has seen me in them must have discovered their fallacy. How +contemptible then have you made us appear!" + +"oh! for God's sake, let me hear no more about them; let them all go to +the devil; I have things of more consequence to attend to." At this +moment a Mr. Brooksbank was announced. "By heaven," cried Sir William, +"we are all undone! Brooksbank! blown to the devil! Lady Stanley, you +may retire to your own room; I have some business of a private nature +with this gentleman." + +I obeyed, leaving my husband with this _gentleman_, whom I think the +worst-looking fellow I ever saw in my life, and retired to my own +apartment to give vent to the sorrow which flowed in on every side. "Oh! +good God!" I cried, bursting into floods of tears, "what a change +eighteen months has made! A princely fortune dissipated, and a man of +honour, at least one who appeared as such, reduced to the poor +subterfuge of stealing his wife's jewels, to pay gaming debts, and +support kept mistresses!" These were my sad and solitary reflections. +What a wretched hand has he made of it! and how deplorable is my +situation! Alas! to what resource can he next fly? What is to become of +us! I have no claim to any farther bounty from my own family: like the +prodigal son, I have received my portion; and although I have not been +the squanderer, yet it is all gone, and I may be reduced to feed on the +husks of acorns; at least, I am sure I eat bitter herbs. Surely, I am +visited with these calamities for the sins of my grandfather! May they +soon be expiated! + + * * * * * + +That wretch Lord Biddulph has been here, and, after some conversation, +he has taken Sir William out in his chariot. Thank heaven, I saw him +not; but Win brought me this intelligence. I would send for Miss Finch, +to afford me a little consolation; but she is confined at home by a +feverish complaint. I cannot think of going out while things are in this +state; so I literally seem a prisoner in my own house. Oh! that I had +never, never seen it! Adieu! Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLV. + + +TO Col. MONTAGUE. + +I acquainted you, some time since, of Stanley's affairs being quite +_derange_, and that he had practised an unsuccessful _manoeuvre_ on +Brudenel. A pretty piece of business he has made of it, and his worship +stands a fair chance of swinging for forgery, unless I contribute my +assistance to extricate him, by enabling him to replace the money. As to +raising any in the ordinary way, it is not in his power, as all his +estates are settled on old Stanley, he (Sir William) having no children; +and he is inexorable. There may be something to be said in the old +fellow's favour too; he has advanced thousand after thousand, till he is +tired out, for giving him money is really only throwing water into a +sieve. + +In consequence of a hasty letter written by the Baronet, begging me to +use all my interest with Brudenel, I thought it the better way to wait +on Stanley myself, and talk the affair over with him, and, as he had +promised to subscribe to any terms for my security, to make these terms +most pleasing to myself. Besides, I confess, I was unwilling to meet Sir +George about such a black piece of business, not chusing likewise to +subject myself to the censures of that puritanic mortal, for having +drawn Stanley into a love of play. I found Sir William under the +greatest disorder of spirits; Brooksbank was with him; that fellow +carries his conscience in his face; he is the portrait of villainy and +turpitude. "For God's sake! my lord," cried Sir William (this you know +being his usual exclamation), "what is to be done in this cursed +affair? All my hopes are fixed on the assistance you have promised me." + +"Why, faith, Sir William," I answered, "it is, as you say, a most cursed +unlucky affair. I think Brooksbank has not acted with his accustomed +caution. As to what assistance I can afford you, you may firmly rely on, +but I had a confounded tumble last night after you left us; by the bye, +you was out of luck in absenting yourself; there was a great deal done; +I lost upwards of seventeen thousand to the young _Cub_ in less than an +hour, and nine to the Count; so that I am a little out of elbows, which +happens very unfortunate at this critical time." + +"Then I am ruined for ever!" "No, no, not so bad neither, I dare say. +What say you to Lady Stanley's diamonds, they are valuable." + +"O Christ! they are gone long ago. I told her, I thought they wanted +new-setting, and supplied her with paste, which she knew nothing of till +this morning, that she offered them to me." (All this I knew very well, +for D-- the jeweller told me so, but I did not chuse to inform his +worship so much.) "You have a large quantity of plate." "All melted, my +lord, but one service, and that I have borrowed money on." "Well, I have +something more to offer; but, if you please, we will dismiss Mr. +Brooksbank. I dare say he has other business." He took the hint, and +left us to ourselves. + +When we were alone, I drew my chair close to him; he was leaning his +head on his hand, which rested on the table, in a most melancholy +posture. "Stanley," said I, "what I am now going to say is a matter +entirely between ourselves. You are no stranger to the passion I have +long entertained for your wife, and from your shewing no resentment for +what I termed a frolic on the night of the masquerade, I have reason to +believe, you will not be mortally offended at this my open avowal of my +attachment. Hear me (for he changed his position, and seemed going to +speak): I adore Lady Stanley, I have repeatedly assured her of the +violence of my flame, but have ever met with the utmost coldness on her +side; let me, however, have your permission, I will yet insure myself +success." "What, Biddulph! consent to my own dishonour! What do you take +me for?" "What do I take you for?" cried I, with a smile, in which I +infused a proper degree of contempt. "What will Sir George Brudenel take +you for, you mean." "Curses, everlasting curses, blast me for my damned +love of play! that has been my bane." "And I offer you your cure." + +"The remedy is worse than the disease." + +"Then submit to the disease, and sink under it. Sir William, your humble +servant," cried I, rising as if to go. + +"Biddulph, my dear Biddulph," cried he, catching my hand, and grasping +it with dying energy, "what are you about to do? You surely will not +leave me in this damned exigency? Think of my situation! I have parted +with every means of raising more money, and eternal infamy will be the +consequence of this last cursed subterfuge of mine transpiring. Oh, my +God! how sunk am I! And will you not hold out your friendly arm?" + +"I have already offered you proposals," I replied with an affected +coldness, "which you do not think proper to accede to." + +"Would you consign me to everlasting perdition?" + +"Will you make no sacrifice to extricate yourself?" + +"Yes; my life." + +"What, at Tyburn?" + +"Dam--n on the thought! oh! Biddulph, Biddulph, are there no other +means? Reflect--the honour of my injured wife!" "Will not _that_ suffer +by your undergoing an ignominious death?" + +"Ah! why do you thus stretch my heart-strings? Julia is virtuous, and +deserves a better fate than she has met with in me. What a wretch must +that man be, who will consign his wife to infamy! No; sunk, lost, and +ruined as I am, I cannot yield to such baseness; I should be doubly +damned." + +"You know your own conscience best, and how much it will bear; I did not +use to think you so scrupulous; what I offer is as much for your +advantage as my own; nay, faith, for your advantage solely, as I may +have a very good chance of succeeding with her bye and bye, when you can +reap no benefit from it. All I ask of you is, your permission to give +you an opportunity of suing for a divorce. Lay your damages as high as +you please, I will agree to any thing; and, as an earnest, will raise +this sum which distresses you so much; I am not tied down as you are; I +can mortgage any part of my estate. What do you say? Will you sign a +paper, making over all right and title to your wife in my favour? There +is no time to be lost, I can assure you. Your uncle Stanley's lawyer has +been with Brudenel; you know what hopes you have from that quarter; for +the sooner you are out of the way, the better for the next heir." + +You never saw a poor devil so distressed and agitated as Stanley was; he +shook like one under a fit of the tertian-ague. I used every argument I +could muster up, and conjured all the horrible ideas which were likely +to terrify a man of his cast; threatened, soothed, sneered: in short, I +at last gained my point, and he signed a commission for his own +cuckoldom; which that I may be able to achieve soon, dear Venus grant! I +took him with me to consult with our broker about raising the money. In +the evening I intend my visit to the lovely Julia. Oh! that I may be +endued with sufficient eloquence to soften her gentle heart, heart, and +tune it to the sweetest notes of love! But she is virtuous, as Stanley +says; that she is most truly: yet who knows how far resentment against +her brutal husband may induce her to go? If ever woman had provocation, +she certainly has. O that she may be inclined to revenge herself on him +for his baseness to her! and that I may be the happy instrument of +effecting it! + +"Gods! what a thought is there!" + +Adieu! + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVI. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh! my Louisa, what will now become of your wretched sister? Surely the +wide world contains not so forlorn a wretch, who has not been guilty of +any crime! But let me not keep you in suspence. In the afternoon of the +day I wrote last (I told you Miss Finch was ill)--Oh! good God! I know +not what I write. I thought I would go and see her for an hour or two. I +ordered the coach, and was just stepping into it, when an ill-looking +man (Lord bless me! I have seen none else lately) laid hold of my arm, +saying, "Madam, you must not go into that carriage." + +"What do you mean?" I asked with a voice of terror, thinking he was a +madman. + +"Nothing, my lady," he answered, "but an execution on Sir William." + +"An execution! Oh, heavens! what execution?" I was breathless, and just +fainting. + +"They are bailiffs, my lady," said one of our servants: "my master is +arrested for debt, and these men will seize every thing in the house; +but you need not be terrified, your ladyship is safe, they cannot touch +you." + +I ran back into the house with the utmost precipitation; all the +servants seemed in commotion. I saw Preston; she was running up-stairs +with a bundle in her hand. "Preston," said I, "what are you about?" "Oh! +the bailiffs, the bailiffs, my lady!" + +"They won't hurt you; I want you here." + +"I can't come, indeed, my lady till I have disposed of these things; I +must throw them out of the window, or the bailiffs will seize them." + +I could not get a servant near me but my faithful Win, who hung weeping +round me; as for myself, I was too much agitated to shed a tear, or +appear sensible of my misfortune. + +Two of these horrid men came into the room. I demanded what they wanted. +To see that none of the goods were carried out of the house, they +answered. I asked them, if they knew where Sir William Stanley was. "Oh! +he is safe enough," said one of them; "we can't touch him; he pleads +privilege, as being a member of parliament; we can only take care of his +furniture for him." + +"And am I not allowed the same privilege? If so, how have you dared to +detain me?" + +"Detain you! why I hope your ladyship will not say as how we have +offered to detain you? You may go where you please, provided you take +nothing away with you." + +"My lady was going out," said Win, sobbing, "and you would not suffer +it." + +"Not in that coach, mistress, to be sure; but don't go for to say we +stopped your lady. She may go when she will." + +"Will one of you order me a chair or hackney coach? I have no business +here." The last word melted me; and I sunk into a chair, giving way to a +copious flood of tears. At that instant almost the detestable Biddulph +entered the room. I started up--"Whence this intrusion, my lord?" I +asked with a haughty tone. "Are you come to join your _insults_ with the +misfortunes you have in great measure effected?" + +"I take heaven to witness," answered he, "how much I was shocked to find +an extent in your house; I had not the least idea of such a circumstance +happening. I, indeed, knew that Sir William was very much straitened for +money." + +"Accursed be those," interrupted I, "ever accursed be those whose +pernicious counsels and baleful examples have brought him into these +exigencies. I look on you, my lord, as one cruel cause of the ruin of +our house." + +"Rather, Lady Stanley, call me the prop of your sinking house. View, in +me, one who would die to render you service." + +"Would to heaven you had done so long--long before I had seen you!" + +"How unkind is that wish! I came, Madam, with the intention of being +serviceable to you. Do not then put such hard constructions on my words. +I wished to consult with you on the most efficacious means to be used +for Sir William's emolument. You know not what power you have!" + +"Power! alas! what power have I?" + +"The most unlimited," he replied, fixing his odious eyes on my face, +which I returned by a look of the utmost scorn. "O Lady Stanley," he +continued, "do not--do not, I intreat you, use me so hardly. Will you +allow me to speak to you alone?" + +"By no means." + +"For God's sake do! Your servant shall remain in the next room, within +your call. Let me beseech you to place some confidence in me. I have +that to relate concerning Sir William, which you would not chuse a +domestic should hear. Dearest Lady Stanley, be not inexorable." + +"You may go into that room, Win," said I, not deigning to answer this +importunate man. "My lord," addressing myself to him, "you can have +nothing to tell me to which I am a stranger; I know Sir William is +totally ruined. This is known to every servant in the house." + +"Believe me," said he, "the execution is the least part of the evil. +That event happens daily among the great people: but there is an affair +of another nature, the stain of which can never be wiped off. Sir +William, by his necessities, has been plunged into the utmost +difficulties, and, to extricate himself, has used some unlawful means; +in a word, he has committed a forgery." + +"Impossible!" cried I, clasping my hands together in agony. + +"It is too true; Sir George Brudenel has the forged deed now in his +hands, and nothing can save him from an ignominious death, but the +raising a large sum of money, which is quite out of his power. Indeed, I +might with some difficulty assist him." + +"And will you not step forth to save him?" I asked with precipitation. + +"What would _you_ do to save him?" he asked in his turn, attempting to +take my hand. + +"Can you ask me such a question? To save his life, what would I not do?" + +"You have the means in your power." + +"Oh! name them quickly, and ease my heart of this load of distraction! +It is more--much more than I can bear." + +"Oh my lovely angel!" cried the horrid wretch, "would you but shew some +tenderness to me! would you but listen to the most faithful, most +enamoured of men, much might be done. You would, by your sweet +condescension, bind me for ever to your interest, might I but flatter +myself I should share your affection. Would you but give me the +slightest mark of it, oh! how blest I should be! Say, my adorable +Julia, can I ever hope to touch your heart?" + +"Wretch!" cried I, "unhand me. How dare you have the insolence to +affront me again with the mention of your hateful passion? I believe all +you have uttered to be a base falsehood against Sir William. You have +taken an opportunity to insult his wife, at a time when you think him +too much engaged to seek vengeance; otherwise your coward soul would +shrink from the just resentment you ought to expect!" + +"I am no coward, Madam," he replied, "but in my fears of offending the +only woman on whom my soul doats, and the only one whose scorn would +wound me. I am not afraid of Sir William's resentment--I act but by his +consent." + +"By his consent!" + +"Yes, my dear creature, by his. Come, I know you to be a woman of sense; +you are acquainted with your husband's hand-writing, I presume. I have +not committed a _forgery_, I assure you. Look, Madam, on this paper; you +will see how much I need dread the just vengeance of an injured husband, +when I have his especial mandate to take possession as soon as I can +gain my lovely charmer's consent; and, oh! may just revenge inspire you +to reward my labours!" He held a paper towards me; I attempted to snatch +it out of his hand. "Not so, my sweet angel, I cannot part with it; but +you shall see the contents of it with all my heart." + +Oh! Louisa, do I live to tell you what were those contents!--"I resign +all right and title to my wife, Julia Stanley, to Lord Biddulph, on +condition that he pays into my hands the sum of fourteen thousand six +hundred pounds, which he enters into an engagement to perform. Witness +my hand, + +WILLIAM STANLEY." + +Grief, resentment, and amazement, struck me dumb. "What say you to this, +Lady Stanley? Should you not pique yourself on your fidelity to such a +good husband, who takes so much care of you? You see how much he prizes +his life." + +"Peace, monster! peace!" cried I. "You have taken a base, most base +advantage of the wretch you have undone!" + +"The fault is all your's; the cruelty with which you have treated me has +driven me to the only course left of obtaining you. You have it in your +power to save or condemn your husband." + +"What, should I barter my soul to save _one_ so profligate of his? But +there are other resources yet left, and we yet may triumph over thee, +thou cruel, worst of wretches!" + +"Perhaps you may think there are hopes from old Stanley; there can be +none, as he has caused this execution. It would half ruin your family to +raise this sum, as there are many more debts which they would be called +upon to pay. Why then will you put it out of my power to extricate him? +Let me have some influence over you! On my knees I intreat you to hear +me. I swear by the great God that made me, I will marry you as soon as a +divorce can be obtained. I have sworn the same to Sir William." + +Think, my dearest Louisa, what a situation this was for me! I was +constrained to rein-in my resentment, lest I should irritate this wretch +to some act of violence--for I had but too much reason to believe I was +wholly in his power. I had my senses sufficiently collected (for which I +owe my thanks to heaven) to make a clear retrospect of my forlorn +condition--eight or ten strange fellows in the house, who, from the +nature of their profession, must be hardened against every distress, +and, perhaps, ready to join with the hand of oppression in injuring the +unfortunate--my servants (in none of whom I could confide) most of them +employed in protecting, what they styled, their own property; and either +totally regardless of me, or, what I more feared, might unite with this +my chief enemy in my destruction. As to the forgery, though the bare +surmise threw me into agonies, I rather thought it a proof how far the +vile Biddulph would proceed to terrify me, than reality; but the fatal +paper signed by Sir William--that was too evident to be disputed. This +conflict of thought employed every faculty, and left me +speechless--Biddulph was still on his knees, "For heaven's sake," cried +he, "do not treat me with this scorn; make me not desperate! Ardent as +my passion is, I would not lose sight of my respect for you." + +"That you have already done," I answered, "in thus openly avowing a +passion, to me so highly disagreeable. Prove your respect, my lord, by +quitting so unbecoming a posture, and leave the most unfortunate of +women to her destiny." + +"Take care, take care, Madam," cried he, "how you drive me to despair; I +have long, long adored you. My perseverance, notwithstanding your +frowns, calls for some reward; and unless you assure me that in a future +day you will not be thus unkind, I shall not easily forego the +opportunity which now offers." + +"For mercy's sake!" exclaimed I, starting up, "what do you mean? Lord +Biddulph! How dare--I insist, Sir--leave me." I burst into tears, and, +throwing myself again in my chair, gave free vent to all the anguish of +my soul. He seemed moved. Again he knelt, and implored my +pardon--"Forgive me!--Oh! forgive me, thou sweet excellence! I will not +hereafter offend, if it is in nature to suppress the extreme violence of +my love. You know not how extensive your sway is over my soul! Indeed +you do not!" + +"On the condition of your leaving me directly, I will endeavour to +forgive and forget what has passed," I sobbed out, for my heart was too +full of grief to articulate clearly. + +"Urge me not to leave you, my angelic creature. Ah! seek not to drive +the man from your presence, who doats, doats on you to distraction. +Think what a villain your husband is; think into what accumulated +distress he has plunged you. Behold, in me, one who will extricate you +from all your difficulties; who will raise you to rank, title, and +honour; one whom you may make a convert. Oh! that I had met with you +before this cursed engagement, I should have been the most blest of men. +No vile passion would have interfered to sever my heart from my +beauteous wife; in her soft arms I should have found a balm for all the +disquietudes of the world, and learnt to despise all its empty delusive +joys in the solid bliss of being good and happy!" This fine harangue had +no weight with me, though I thought it convenient he should think I was +moved by it. "Alas! my Lord," said I, "it is now too late to indulge +these ideas. I am doomed to be wretched; and my wretchedness feels +increase, if I am the cause of making any earthly being so; yet, if you +have the tenderness for me you express, you must participate of my deep +affliction. Ask your own heart, if a breast, torn with anguish and +sorrow, as mine is, can at present admit a thought of any other +sentiment than the grief so melancholy a situation excites? In pity, +therefore, to the woman you profess to love, leave me for this time. I +said, I would forgive and forget; your compliance with my request may do +more; it certainly will make me grateful." + +"Dearest of all creatures," cried he, seizing my hand, and pressing it +with rapture to his bosom, "Dearest, best of women! what is there that I +could refuse you? Oh nothing, nothing; my soul is devoted to you. But +why leave you? Why may I not this moment reap the advantage of your +yielding heart?" + +"Away! away, my Lord," cried I, pushing him from me, "you promised to +restrain your passion; why then is it thus boundless? Intitle yourself +to my consideration, before you thus demand returns." + +"I make no demands. I have done. But I flattered myself I read your soft +wishes in your lovely eyes," [Detestable wretch! how my soul rose up +against him! but fear restrained my tongue.] "But tell me, my adorable +angel, if I tear myself from you now, when shall I be so happy as to +behold you again?" + +"To-morrow," I answered; "I shall be in more composed spirits to-morrow, +and then I will see you here; but do not expect too much. And now leave +me this moment, as I have said more than I ought." + +"I obey, dearest Julia," cried the insolent creature, "I obey." And, +blessed be Heaven! he left the room. I sprung to the door, and +double-locked it; then called Win into the room, who had heard the whole +of this conversation. The poor soul was as pale as ashes; her looks were +contagious; I caught the infection; and, forgetting the distance betwixt +us (but misery makes us all equal), I threw my arms round her, and shed +floods of tears into her faithful bosom. When my storms of grief had a +little subsided, or indeed when nature had exhausted her store, I became +more calm, and had it in my power to consider what steps I should take, +as you may believe I had nothing further from my intention than meeting +this vile man again. I soon came to the determination to send to Miss +Finch, as there was no one to whom I could apply for an asylum; I mean, +for the present, as I am convinced I shall find the properest and most +welcome in your's and my dear father's arms bye and bye. I rang the +bell; one of the horrid bailiffs came for my orders. I desired to have +Griffith called to me. I wrote a note to Miss Finch, telling her in a +few words the situation of my affairs, and that my dread was so great of +receiving further insult from Lord Biddulph, that I could not support +the idea of passing the night surrounded by such wretches, therefore +intreated her to send some one in whom she could confide, in her +carriage, to convey me to her for a little time, till I could hear from +my friends. In a quarter of an hour Griffith returned, with a billet +containing only three lines--but oh, how much comfort. "My dearest +creature, my heart bleeds for your distresses; there is no one so proper +as your true friend to convey you hither. I will be with you in an +instant; your's, for ever, + +MARIA FINCH." + +I made Win bundle up a few night-cloaths and trifles that we both might +want, and in a short time I found myself pressed to the bosom of my dear +Maria. She had risen from her bed, where she had lain two days, to fly +to my succour. Ah! how much am I indebted to her! By Miss Finch's +advice, I wrote a few words to--oh! what shall I call him?--the man, my +Louisa, who tore me from the fostering bosom of my beloved father, to +abandon me to the miseries and infamy of the world! I wrote thus: + +"Abandoned and forsaken by him to whom I alone ought to look up for +protection, I am (though, alas! unable) obliged to be the guardian of my +own honour. I have left your house; happy, happy had it been for me, +never to have entered it! I seek that asylum from strangers, I can no +longer meet with from my husband. I have suffered too much from my fatal +connexion with you, to feel disposed to consign myself to everlasting +infamy (notwithstanding I have your permission), to extricate you from a +trivial inconvenience. Remember, this is the first instance in which I +ever disobeyed your will. May you see your error, reform, and be happy! +So prays your much-injured, but still faithful wife, + +JULIA STANLEY." + +Miss Finch, with the goodness of an angel, took me home with her; nor +would she leave me a moment to myself. She has indulged me with +permission to write this account, to save me the trouble of repeating it +to her. And now, my Louisa, and you, my dear honoured father, will you +receive your poor wanderer? Will you heal her heart-rending sorrows, and +suffer her to seek for happiness, at least a restoration of ease, in +your tender bosoms? Will you hush her cares, and teach her to kiss the +hand which chastises her? Oh! how I long to pour forth my soul into the +breast from whence I expect to derive all my earthly comfort! + +Adieu! + +J.S. + + + + +LETTER XLVII. + + +TO Colonel MONTAGUE. + +Well, Jack, we are all _entrain_. I believe we shall do in time. But old +Squaretoes has stole a march on us, and took out an extent against his +nephew. Did you ever hear of so unnatural a dog? It is true he has done +a great deal for Sir William; and saw plainly, the more money he paid, +the more extravagant his nephew grew; but still it was a damned affair +too after all. I have been with my dear bewitching charmer. I have her +promise to admit me as a visitor tomorrow. I was a fool not to finish +the business to-night, as I could have bribed every one in the house to +assist me. Your bailiffs are proper fellows for the purpose--but I love +to have my adorables meet me--_almost_ half way. I shall, I hope gain +her at last; and my victory will be a reward for all my pains and +labours. + +I am interrupted. A messenger from Sir William. I must go instantly to +the Thatched-house tavern. What is in the wind now, I wonder? + + * * * * * + +Great God! Montague, what a sight have I been witness to! Stanley, the +ill-fated Stanley, has shot himself. The horror of the scene will never +be worn from my memory. I see his mangled corse staring ghastly upon me. +I tremble. Every nerve is affected. I cannot at present give you the +horrid particulars. I am more shocked than it is possible to conceive. +Would to Heaven I had had no connexion with him! Oh! could I have +foreseen this unhappy event! but it is too, too late. The undone +self-destroyed wretch is gone to answer for his crimes; and you and I +are left to deplore the part we have had in corrupting his morals, and +leading him on, step by step, to destruction. + +My mind is a hell--I cannot reflect--I feel all despair and +self-abasement. I now thank God, I have not the weight of Lady Stanley's +seduction on my already overburdened conscience. + + * * * * * + +In what a different style I began this letter--with a pulse beating with +anticipated evil, and my blood rioting in the idea of my fancied triumph +over the virtue of the best and most injured of women. On the summons, I +flew to the Thatched-house. The waiter begged me to go up stairs. "Here +has a most unfortunate accident happened, my Lord. Poor Sir William +Stanley has committed a rash action; I fear his life is in danger." I +thought he alluded to the affair of forgery, and in that persuasion made +answer, "It is an ugly affair, to be sure; but, as to his life, that +will be in no danger." "Oh! my Lord, I must not flatter you; the surgeon +declares he can live but a few hours." "Live! what do you say?" "He has +shot himself, my Lord." I hardly know how I got up stairs; but how great +was my horror at the scene which presented itself to my affrighted view! +Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley were supporting him. He was not +quite dead, but his last moments were on the close. Oh! the occurrences +of life will never for one instant obliterate from my recollection the +look which he gave me. He was speechless; but his eloquent silence +conveyed, in one glance of agony and despair, sentiments that sunk deep +on my wounded conscience. His eyes were turned on _me_, when the hand +of death sealed them forever. I had thrown myself on my knees by him, +and was pressing his hand. I did not utter a word, indeed I was +incapable of articulating a syllable. He had just sense remaining to +know me, and I thought strove to withdraw his hand from mine. I let it +go; and, seeing it fall almost lifeless, Mr. Stanley took it in his, as +well as he could; the expiring man grasped his uncle's hand, and sunk +into the shades of everlasting night. When we were convinced that all +was over with the unhappy creature, we left the room. Neither Sir +George, nor Mr. Stanley, seemed inclined to enter into conversation; and +my heart ran over plentifully at my eyes. I gave myself up to my +agonizing sorrow for some time. When I was a little recovered, I +enquired of the people of the house, how this fatal event happened. Tom +said, Sir William came there about seven o'clock, and went up stairs in +the room we usually played in; that he looked very dejected, but called +for coffee, and drank two dishes. He went from thence in an hour, and +returned again about ten. He walked about the room in great disorder. In +a short space, Sir George Brudenel and Mr. Stanley came and asked for +him. On carrying up their message, Sir William desired to be excused +seeing them for half an hour. Within that time, a note was brought him +from his own house by Griffith, Lady Stanley's servant*. [* The billet +which Lady Stanley wrote, previous to her quitting her husband's house.] +His countenance changed on the perusal of it. "This then decides it," he +exclaimed aloud. "I am now determined." He bade the waiter leave the +room, and bring him no more messages. In obedience to his commands, Tom +was going down stairs. Sir William shut the door after him hastily, and +locked it; and before Tom had got to the passage, he heard the report of +a pistol. Alarmed at the sound, and the previous disorder of Sir +William, he ran into the room where were Brudenel and Stanley, +entreating them for God's sake to go up, as he feared Sir William meant +to do some desperate act. They ran up with the utmost precipitation, and +Brudenel burst open the door. The self-devoted victim was in an arm +chair, hanging over on one side, his right cheek and ear torn almost +off, and speechless. He expressed great horror, and, they think, +contrition, in his looks; and once clasped his hands together, and +turned up his eyes to Heaven. He knew both the gentlemen. His uncle was +in the utmost agitation. "Oh! my dear Will," said he, "had you been less +precipitate, we might have remedied all these evils." Poor Stanley fixed +his eyes on him, and faintly shook his head. Sir George too pressed his +hand, saying, "My dear Stanley, you have been deceived, if you thought +me your enemy. God forgive those who have brought you to this distress!" +This (with the truest remorse of conscience I say it) bears hard on my +character. I did all in my power to prevent poor Stanley's meeting with +Sir George and his uncle, and laboured, with the utmost celerity, to +confirm him in the idea, that they were both inexorable, to further my +schemes on his wife. As I found my company was not acceptable to the +gentlemen, I returned home under the most violent dejection of spirits. +Would to Heaven you were here! Yet, what consolation could you afford +me? I rather fear you would add to the weight, instead of lightening it, +as you could not speak peace to my mind, which is inconceivably hurt. + +I am your's, + +BIDDULPH. + + + + +LETTER XLVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Dear Madam, + +A letter from Mr. Stanley* [* Mr. Stanley's letter is omitted.], which +accompanies this, will inform you of the fatal catastrophe of the +unfortunate Sir William Stanley. Do me the justice to believe I shall +with pleasure contribute all in my power to the ease and convenience of +Lady Stanley, for whom I have the tenderest friendship. + +We have concealed the whole of the shocking particulars of her husband's +fate from her ladyship, but her apprehensions lead her to surmize the +worst. She is at present too much indisposed, to undertake a journey +into Wales; but, as soon as she is able to travel, I shall do myself the +honour of conveying her to the arms of relations so deservedly dear to +her. + +Mr. Stanley is not a man who deals in professions; he therefore may have +been silent as to his intentions in favour of his niece, which I know to +be very noble. + +Lady Stanley tells me, she has done me the honour of mentioning my name +frequently in her correspondence with you. As a sister of so amiable a +woman, I feel myself attached to Miss Grenville, and beg leave to +subscribe myself her obliged humble servant, + +MARIA FINCH. + + + + +LETTER XLIX. + + +From the SYLPH. + +The vicissitudes which you, my Julia, have experienced in your short +life, must teach you how little dependence is to be placed in sublunary +enjoyments. By an inevitable stroke, you are again cast under the +protection of your first friends. If, in the vortex of folly where late +you resided, my counsels preserved you from falling into any of its +snares, the reflection of being so happy an instrument will shorten the +dreary path of life, and smooth the pillow of death. But my task, my +happy task, of superintending your footsteps is now over. + +In the peaceful vale of innocence, no guide is necessary; for there all +is virtuous, all beneficent, as yourself. You have passed many +distressing and trying scenes. But, however, never let despair take +place in your bosom. To hope to be happy in this world, may be +presumptuous; to despair of being so, is certainly impious; and, though +the sun may rise and see us unblest, and, setting, leave us in misery; +yet, on its return, it may behold us changed, and the face which +yesterday was clouded with tears may to-morrow brighten into smiles. +Ignorant as we are of the events of to-morrow, let us not arrogantly +suppose there will be no end to the trouble which now surrounds us; and, +by murmuring, arraign the hand of Providence. + +There may be, to us finite beings, many seeming contradictions of the +assertion, that, _to be good is to be happy;_ but an infinite Being +knows it to be true in the enlarged view of things, and therefore +implanted in our breasts the love of virtue. Our merit may not, indeed, +meet with the reward which we seem to claim in this life; but we are +morally ascertained of reaping a plentiful harvest in the next. +Persevere then, my amiable pupil, in the path you were formed to tread +in, and rest assured, though a slow, a lasting recompence will succeed. +May you meet with all the happiness you deserve in this world! and may +those most dear to you be the dispensers of it to you! Should any future +occasion of your life make it necessary to consult me, you know how a +letter will reach me; till then adieu! + +Ever your faithful + +SYLPH. + + + + +LETTER L. + + +TO Sir GEORGE BRUDENEL. + +Woodley-vale. + +My dear Sir George, + +It is with the utmost pleasure, I assure you of my niece having borne +her journey with less fatigue than we even could have hoped for. The +pleasing expectation of meeting with her beloved relations contributed +towards her support, and combated the afflictions she had tasted during +her separation from them and her native place. As we approached the last +stage, her conflict increased, and both Miss Finch and myself used every +method to re-compose her fluttered spirits; but, just as we were driving +into the inn-yard where we were to change horses for the last time, she +clasped her hands together, exclaiming, "Oh, my God! my father's +chaise!" and sunk back, very near fainting. I tried to laugh her out of +her extreme agitation. She had hardly power to get out of the coach; +and, hobbling as you know me to be with the gout, an extraordinary +exertion was necessary on my part to support her, tottering as she was, +into a parlour. I shall never be able to do justice to the scene which +presented itself. Miss Grenville flew to meet her trembling sister. The +mute expression of their features, the joy of meeting, the recollection +of past sorrows, oh! it is more than my pen can paint; it was more than +human nature could support; at least, it was with the utmost difficulty +it could be supported till the venerable father approached to welcome +his lovely daughter. She sunk on her knees before him, and looked like +a dying victim at the shrine of a much-loved saint. What agonies +possessed Mr. Grenville! He called for assistance; none of the party +were able, from their own emotions, to afford him any. At last the dear +creature recovered, and became tolerably calm; but this only lasted a +few minutes. She was seated between her father and sister; she gazed +fondly first on one, and then the other, and would attempt to speak; but +her full heart could not find vent at her lips; her eyes were rivers, +through which her sorrows flowed. I rose to retire for a little time, +being overcome by the affecting view. She saw my intentions, and, rising +likewise, took my hand--"Don't leave us--I will be more myself--Don't +leave us, my second father!--Oh! Sir," turning to Mr. Grenville, "help +me to repay this generous, best of men, a small part of what my grateful +heart tells me is his due." "I receive him, my Julia," cried her father, +"I receive him to my bosom as my brother." He embraced me, and Lady +Stanley threw an arm over each of our shoulders. Our spirits, after some +time, a little subsided, and we proceeded to this place. I was happy +this meeting was over, as I all along dreaded the delicate sensibility +of my niece. + +Oh! Sir George! how could my unhappy nephew be blind to such inestimable +qualities as Julia possesses? Blind!--I recall the word: he was not +blind to them; he could not, but he was misled by the cursed follies of +the world, and entangled by its snares, till he lost all relish for +whatever was lovely and virtuous. Ill-fated young man! how deplorable +was thy end! Oh! may the mercy of Heaven be extended towards thee! May +it forget its justice, _nor be extreme to mark what was done amiss!_ + +I find Julia was convinced he was hurried out of this life by his own +desperate act, but she forbears to enquire into what she says she +dreads to be informed of. She appears to me (who knew her not in her +happier days) like a beautiful plant that had been chilled with a +nipping frost, which congealed, but could not destroy, its loveliness; +the tenderness of her parent, like the sun, has chaced away the winter, +and she daily expands, and discovers fresh charms. Her sister +too--indeed we should see such women now and then, to reconcile us to +the trifling sex, who have laboured with the utmost celerity, and with +too much success, to bring an odium on that most beautiful part of the +creation. You say you are tired of the women of your world. Their +caprices, their follies, to soften the expression, has caused this +distaste in you. Come to Woodley-vale, and behold beauty ever attended +by (what should ever attend beauty) native innocence. The lovely widow +is out of the question. I am in love with her myself, that is, as much +as an old fellow of sixty-four ought to be with a young girl of +nineteen; but her charming sister, I must bring you acquainted with her; +yet, unless I was perfectly convinced, that you possess the best of +hearts, you should not even have a glance from her pretty blue eyes. +Indeed, I believe I shall turn monopolizer in my dotage, and keep them +all to myself. Julia is my child. Louisa has the merit with me +(exclusive of her own superlative one) of being _her_ sister. And my +little _Finch_ is a worthy girl; I adore her for her friendship to my +darling. Surely your heart must be impenetrable, if so much merit, and +so much beauty, does not assert their sway over you. + +Do you think that infamous fellow (I am sorry to express myself thus +while speaking of a peer of our realm) Lord Biddulph is sincere in his +reformation? Perhaps returning health may renew in him vices which are +become habitual from long practice. If he reflects at all, he has much, +very much, to answer for throughout this unhappy affair. Indeed, he did +not spare himself in his conversation with me. If he sees his errors in +time, he ought to be thankful to Heaven, for allowing that _time_ to +him, which, by his pernicious counsels, he prevented the man he called +_friend_ from availing himself of. Adieu! my dear Sir George. May you +never feel the want of _that peace which goodness bosoms ever!_ + +EDWARD STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LI. + + +To Miss FINCH. + +You are very sly, my dear Maria. Mr. Stanley assures me, you went to +Lady Barton's purposely to give her nephew, Sir George, the meeting. Is +it so? and am I in danger of losing my friend? Or is it only the +jocularity of my uncle on the occasion? Pray be communicative on this +affair. I am sure I need not urge you on that head, as you have never +used any reserve to me. A mind of such integrity as your's requires no +disguises. What little I saw of Sir George Brudenel shews him to be a +man worthy of my Maria. What an encomium I have paid him in one word! +But, joking apart (for I do not believe you entertained an idea of a +_rencontre_ with the young Baronet at Barton-house), Mr. Stanley says, +with the utmost seriousness, that his friend Brudenel made him the +_confidante_ of a _penchant_ for our sweet Maria, some time since, on +his inviting him down hither, to pick up a wife _unhackneyed in the ways +of the world_. However, don't be talked into a partiality for the swain, +for none of us here have a wish to become match-makers. + +And now I have done with the young man, permit me to add a word or two +concerning the old one; I mean Mr. Stanley. He has, in the tenderest and +most friendly manner, settled on me two thousand a year (the sum fixed +on another occasion) while I continue the widow of his unfortunate +nephew; and if hereafter I should be induced to enter into other +engagements, I am to have fifteen thousand pounds at my own disposal. +This, he says, justice prompts him to do; but adds, "I will not tell you +how far my affection would carry me, because the world would perhaps +call me an _old fool_." + +He leaves us next week, to make some preparation there for our reception +in a short time. I am to be mistress of his house; and he has made a +bargain with my father, that I shall spend half the year with him, +either at Stanley-Park or Pemberton-Lodge. You may believe all the +happiness of my future life is centered in the hope of contributing to +the comfort of my father, and this my second parent. My views are very +circumscribed; however, I am more calm than I expected to have been, +considering how much I have been tossed about in the stormy ocean. It is +no wonder that I am sometimes under the deepest dejection of spirits, +when I sit, as I often do, and reflect on past events. But I am +convinced I ought not to enquire too minutely into some fatal +circumstances. May the poor deluded victim meet with mercy! I draw a +veil over his frailties. Ah! what errors are they which death cannot +cancel? Who shall say, _I will walk upright, my foot shall not slide or +go astray_? Who knows how long he shall be upheld by the powerful hand +of God? The most presumptuous of us, if left to ourselves, may be guilty +of a lapse. Oh! may _my_ trespasses be forgiven, as I forgive and forget +_his!_ + +My dear Maria will excuse my proceeding; the last apostrophe will +convince you of the impossibility of my continuing to use my pen. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + * * * * * + +[The correspondence, for obvious reasons, is discontinued for some +months. During the interval it appears, that an union had taken place +between Sir George Brudenel and Miss Finch.--While Lady Stanley was on +her accustomed visit to her uncle, she receives the following letter +from Miss Grenville.] + + + + +LETTER LII. + +TO Lady STANLEY. Melford-abbey, + +This last week has been so much taken up, that I could not find one day +to tell my beloved Julia that _she_ has not been _one day_ out of my +thoughts, tho' you have heard from me but once since I obeyed the +summons of our friend Jenny Melford, to be witness of her renunciation +of that name. We are a large party here, and very brilliant. + +I think I never was accounted vain; but, I assure you, I am almost +induced to be so, from the attention of a very agreeable man, who is an +intimate acquaintance of Mr. Wynne's; a man of fortune, and, what will +have more weight with me, a man of strict principles. He has already +made himself some little interest in my heart, by some very benevolent +actions, which we have by accident discovered. I don't know what will +come of it, but, if he should be importunate, I doubt I should not have +power to refuse him. My father is prodigiously taken with him; yet men +are such deceitful mortals--well, time will shew--in the mean time, +adieu! + +Your's, most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIII. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +I cannot resist writing to you, in consequence of a piece of +intelligence I received this morning from Mr. Spencer, the hero of my +last letter. + +At breakfast Mr. Spencer said to Mr. Wynne--"You will have an addition +to your party tomorrow; I have just had a letter from my friend Harry +Woodley, informing me, that he will pay his _devoir_ to you and your +fair bride before his journey to London." The name instantly struck +me--"Harry Woodley!" I repeated. + +"Why do you know Harry Woodley?" asked Mr. Spencer. "I once knew a +gentleman of that name," I answered, "whose father owned that estate +_my_ father now possesses. I remember him a boy, when he was under the +tuition of Mr. Jones, a worthy clergyman in our neighbourhood." "The +very same," replied Mr. Spencer. "Harry is my most particular friend; I +have long known him, and as long loved him with the tenderest +affection--an affection," whispered he, "which reigned unrivalled till I +saw you; he _was_ the _first_, but _now_ is _second_ in my heart." I +blushed, but felt no anger at his boldness. + +I shall not finish my letter till I have seen my old acquaintance; I +wish for to-morrow; I expressed my impatience to Mr. Spencer. "I should +be uneasy at your earnestness," said he, "did I not know that curiosity +is incident to your sex; but I will let you into a secret: Harry's heart +is engaged, and has long been so; therefore, throw not away your fire +upon him, but preserve it, to cherish one who lives but in your +smiles." + + * * * * * + +He is arrived (Mr. Woodley, I mean); we are all charmed with him. I knew +him instantly; tho' the beautiful boy is now flushed with manliness. It +is five years since we saw him last--he did not meet us without the +utmost emotion, which we attributed to the recollection that we now +owned those lands which ought in right to have been his. He has, +however, by Mr. Spencer's account, been very successful in life, and is +master of a plentiful fortune. He seems to merit the favour of all the +world. + +Adieu! + +Your's most truly, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LIV. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Melford-Abbey. + +Mr. Spencer tells me, it is a proof I have great ascendancy over him, +since he has made me the _confidante_ of his friend Woodley's +attachment. And who do you think is the object of it? To whom has the +constant youth paid his vows in secret, and worn away a series of years +in hopeless, pining love? Ah! my Julia, who can inspire so tender, so +lasting, a flame as yourself? Yes! you are the saint before whose shrine +the faithful Woodley has bent his knee, and sworn eternal truth. + +You must remember the many instances of esteem we have repeatedly +received from him. To me it was friendship; to my sister it was +love--and _love_ of the purest, noblest kind. + +He left Woodley-vale, you recollect, about five years ago. He left all +he held dear; all the soft hope which cherished life, in the flattering +idea of raising himself, by some fortunate stroke, to such an eminence, +that he might boldly declare how much, how fondly, he adored his Julia. +In the first instance, he was not mistaken--he has acquired a noble +fortune. Plumed with hope and eager expectation, he flew to +Woodley-vale, and the first sound that met his ear was--that the object +of his tenderest wishes was, a few weeks before his arrival, married. My +Julia! will not your tender sympathizing heart feel, in some degree, the +cruel anxiety that must take place in the bosom which had been, during a +long journey, indulging itself in the fond hope of being happy--and just +at that point of time, and at that place, where the happiness was to +commence, to be dashed at once from the scene of bliss, with the account +of his beloved's being married to another? What then remained for the +ill-fated youth, but to fly from those scenes where he had sustained so +keen a disappointment; and, without calling one glance on the plains the +extravagance of his father had wrested from him, seek in the bosom of +his friends an asylum? + +He determined not to return till he was able to support the sight of +such interesting objects with composure. He proposed leaving England: he +travelled; but never one moment, in idea, wandered from the spot which +contained all his soul held dear. Some months since, he became +acquainted with the event which has once more left you free. His +delicacy would not allow him to appear before you till the year was near +expired. And now, if such unexampled constancy may plead for him, what +competitor need Harry Woodley fear? + +I told you my father was much pleased with Mr. Spencer, but he is more +than pleased with his old acquaintance. You cannot imagine how much he +interests himself in the hope that his invariable attachment to you may +meet its due reward, by making, as he says, a proper impression on your +heart. He will return with us to Woodley-vale. My father's partiality is +so great, that, I believe, should you be inclined to favour the faithful +Harry, he will be induced to make you the eldest, and settle Woodley on +you, that it may be transmitted to Harry's heirs; a step, which, I give +you my honour, I shall have no objection to. Besides, it will be proving +the sincerity of Mr. Spencer's attachment to me--a proof I should not be +averse to making; for, you know, _a burnt child dreads the fire._ These +young men take up all our attention; but I will not write a word more +till I have enquired after my dear old one. How does the worthy soul do? +I doubt you have not sung to him lately, as the gout has returned with +so much violence. You know, he said, your voice banished all pain. Pray +continue singing, or any thing which indicates returning chearfulness; a +blessing I so much wish you. I have had a letter from Lady Brudenel; she +calls on me for my promised visit, but I begin to suspect I shall have +engagements enough on my hands bye and bye. I doubt my father is tired +of us both, as he is planning a scheme to get rid of us at once. But +does not this seeming eagerness proceed from that motive which guides +all his actions towards us--his extreme tenderness--the apprehension of +leaving us unconnected, and the infirmities of life hastening with large +strides on himself? Oh! my Julia! he is the best of fathers! + +Adieu! I am dressed _en cavalier_, and just going to mount my horse, +accompanied by my two beaux. I wish you was here, as I own I should have +no objection to a _tete-a-tete_ with Spencer; nor would Harry with you. +But _here_--he is in the way. + +Your's, + +L. GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LV. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Alas! my dearest Louisa, is it to me your last letter was addressed? to +me, the sad victim of a fatal attachment? Torn as has been my heart by +the strange vicissitudes of life, am I an object fit to admit the bright +ray of joy? Unhappy Woodley, if thy destiny is to be decided by my +voice! It is--it must be ever against thee. Talk not to me, Louisa, of +love--of joy and happiness! Ever, ever, will they be strangers to my +care-worn breast. A little calm (oh! how deceitful!) had taken +possession of my mind, and seemed to chace away the dull melancholy +which habitual griefs had planted there. Ah! seek not to rob me of the +small share allotted me. Speak not--write not of Woodley; my future +peace depends upon it. The name of _love_ has awakened a thousand, +thousand pangs, which sorrow had hushed to rest; at least, I kept them +to myself. I look on the evils of my life as a punishment for having too +freely indulged myself in a most reprehensible attachment. Never has my +hand traced the fatal name! Never have I sighed it forth in the most +retired privacy! Never then, my Louisa, oh! never mention the +destructive passion to me more! + +I remember the ill-fated youth--ill-fated, indeed, if cursed with so +much constancy! The first predilection I felt in favour of one too +dear--was a faint similitude I thought I discovered between him and +Woodley. But if I entertained a partiality at first for him, because he +reminded me of a former companion, too soon he made such an interest in +my bosom, as left him superior there to all others. It is your fault, +Louisa, that I have adverted to this painful, this forbidden subject. +Why have you mentioned the pernicious theme? + +Why should my father be so earnest to have me again enter into the pale +of matrimony? If your prospects are flattering--indulge them, and be +happy. I have tasted of the fruit--have found it bitter to the palate, +and corroding to the heart. Urge me not then to run any more hazards; I +have suffered sufficiently. Do not, in pity to Mr. Woodley, encourage in +him a hope, that perseverance may subdue my resolves. Fate is not more +inexorable. I should despise myself if I was capable, for one moment, of +wishing to give pain to any mortal. He cannot complain of me--he may of +_Destiny_; and, oh! what complaints have I not to make of _her!_ + + * * * * * + +I have again perused your letter; I am not free, Louisa, even if my +heart was not devoted to the unfortunate exile. Have I not sworn to my +attendant Sylph? He, who preserved me in the day of trial? My vows are +registered in heaven! I will not recede from them! I believe he knows my +heart, with all its weaknesses. Oh! my Louisa, do not distress me more. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Where has my Julia learnt this inflexibility of mind? or what virtue so +rigid as to say, she is not free to enter into other engagements? Are +your affections to lie for ever buried in the grave of your unfortunate +husband? Heaven, who has given us renewable affections, will not condemn +us for making a transfer of them, when the continuance of that affection +can be of no farther advantage to the object. But your case is +different; you have attached yourself to a visionary idea! the man, +whose memory you cherish, perhaps, thinks no longer of you; or would he +not have sought you out before this? Are you to pass your life in +mourning his absence, and not endeavour to do justice to the fidelity of +one of the most amiable of men? + +Surely, my Julia, these sacrifices are not required of you! You condemn +my father for being so interested in the fate of his friend Woodley!--he +only requests you to see him. Why not see him as an acquaintance? You +cannot form the idea of my father's wishing to constrain you to accept +him! All he thinks of at present is, that you would not suffer +prejudices to blind your reason. Woodley seeks not to subdue you by +perseverance; only give him leave to try to please you; only allow him +to pay you a visit. Surely, if you are as fixed as fate, you cannot +apprehend the bare sight of him will overturn your resolves! You fear +more danger than there really is. Still we say--_see him_. My dearest +Julia did not use to be inexorable! My father allows he has now no power +over you, even if he could form the idea of using it. What then have you +to dread? Surely you have a negative voice! I am called upon--but will +end with the strain I began. See him, and then refuse him your esteem, +nay more, your tender affection, if you can. + +Adieu! + +Your's most sincerely, + +LOUISA GRENVILLE. + + + + +LETTER LVII. + + +TO Miss GRENVILLE. + +Oh, my Louisa! how is the style of your letters altered! Is this change +(not improvement) owing to your attachment to Mr. Spencer? Can _love_ +have wrought this difference? If it has, may it be a stranger to my +bosom!--for it has ceased to make my Louisa amiable!--she, who was once +all tenderness--all softness! who fondly soothed my distresses, _and +felt for weakness which she never knew_-- + + "It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly; + Our _sex_, as well as I, may chide you for it, + Though I alone do feel the injury--" + +you, to whom I have freely exposed all the failings of my wayward heart! +in whose bosom I have reposed all its tumultuous beatings!--all its +anxieties!--Oh, Louisa! can you forget my _confidence_ in you, which +would not permit me to conceal even my errors? Why do you then join with +men in scorning your friend? You say, _my father has now no power over +me, even if he could form the idea of using power_. Alas! you have all +too much power over me! you have the power of rendering me forever +miserable, either by your persuasions to consign myself to eternal +wretchedness; or by my _inexorableness_, as you call it, in flying in +the face of persons so dear to me! + +How cruel it is in you to arraign the conduct of one to whose character +you are a _stranger_! What has the man, who, unfortunately both for +himself and me, has been too much in my thoughts; what has he done, that +you should so decisively pronounce him to be inconstant, and forgetful +of those who seemed so dear to him? Why is the delicacy of _your +favourite_ to be so much commended for his forbearance till the year of +mourning was near expired? And what proof that another may not be +actuated by the same delicate motive? + +But I will have done with these painful interrogatories; they only help +to wound my bosom, even more than you have done. + +My good uncle is better.--You have wrung my heart--and, harsh and +unbecoming as it may seem in your eyes, I will not return to +Woodley-vale, till I am assured I shall not receive any more +persecutions on his account. Would he be content with my esteem, he may +easily entitle himself to it by his still further _forbearance._ + +My resolution is fixed--no matter what that is--there is no danger of +making any one a participator of my sorrows. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIII. + + +To Miss GRENVILLE. + +Stanley-park. + +Louisa! why was this scheme laid? I cannot compose my thoughts even to +ask you the most simple question! Can you judge of my astonishment? the +emotions with which I was seized? Oh! no, you cannot--you cannot, +because you was never sunk so low in the depths of affliction as I have +been; you never have experienced the extreme of joy and despair as I +have done. Oh! you know nothing of what I feel!--of what I cannot find +words to express! Why don't you come hither?--I doubt whether I shall +retain my senses till your arrival. + +Adieu! + +Your's for ever, + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LVIX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +Stanley-park. + +Yes! my dear Maria, you shall be made acquainted with the extraordinary +change in your friend! You had all the mournful particulars of my past +life before you. I was convinced of your worth, nor could refuse you my +confidence. But what is all this? I cannot spend my time, my precious +time, in prefacing the scenes which now surround me. + +You know how depressed my mind was with sorrow at the earnestness with +which my father and sister espoused the cause of Mr. Woodley. I was +ready to sink under the dejection their perseverance occasioned, +aggravated too by my tender, long-cherished attachment to the +unfortunate Baron. [This is the first time my pen has traced that word.] + +I was sitting yesterday morning in an alcove in the garden, ruminating +on the various scenes which I had experienced, and giving myself up to +the most melancholy presages, when I perceived a paper fall at my feet. +I apprehended it had dropped from my pocket in taking out my +handkerchief, which a trickling tear had just before demanded. I stooped +to pick it up; and, to my surprize, found it sealed, and addressed to +myself. I hastily broke it open, and my wonder increased when I read +these words: + +"I have been witness to the perturbation of your mind. How will you +atone to your Sylph, for not availing yourself of the privilege of +making application to him in an emergency? If you have lost your +confidence in him, he is the most wretched of beings. He flatters +himself he may be instrumental to your future felicity. If you are +inclined to be indebted to him for any share of it, you may have the +opportunity of seeing him in five minutes. Arm yourself with resolution, +most lovely, most adored of women; for he will appear under a semblance +not expected by you. You will see in him the most faithful and constant +of human beings." + +I was seized with such a trepidation, that I could hardly support +myself; but, summoning all the strength of mind I could assume, I said +aloud, though in a tremulous voice, "Let me view my amiable Sylph!"--But +oh! what became of me, when at my feet I beheld the most wished-for, the +most dreaded, _Ton-hausen!_ I clasped my hands together, and shrieked +with the most frantic air, falling back half insensible on the seat. +"Curse on my precipitance!" he cried, throwing his arms round me. "My +angel! my Julia! look on the most forlorn of his sex, unless you pity +me." "Pity you!" I exclaimed, with a faint accent--"Oh! from whence, and +how came you here?" + +"Did not my Julia expect me?" he asked, in the softest voice, and +sweetest manner. + +"I expect you! How should I? alas! what intimation could I have of your +arrival?" + +"From this," he replied, taking up the billet written by the Sylph. +"What do you mean? For Heaven's sake! rise, and unravel this mystery. My +brain will burst with the torture of suspence." + +"If the loveliest of women will pardon the stratagems I have practised +on her unsuspecting mind, I will rise, and rise the happiest of mortals. +Yes, my beloved Julia, I am that invisible guide, that has so often led +you through the wilds of life. I am that blissful being, whom you +supposed something supernatural." + +"It is impossible," I cried, interrupting him, "it cannot be!" + +"Will not my Julia recollect this poor pledge of her former confidence?" +drawing from a ribband a locket of hair I had once sent to the Sylph. +"Is this, to me inestimable, gift no longer acknowledged by you? this +dear part of yourself, whose enchantment gave to my wounded soul all the +nourishment she drew, which supported me when exiled from all that the +world had worth living for? Have you forgot the vows of lasting fidelity +with which the value of the present was enhanced? Oh! sure you have not. +And yet you are silent. May I not have one word, one look?" + +"Alas!" cried I, hiding my face from his glances; "what can I say? What +can I do? Oh! too well I remember all. The consciousness, that every +secret of my heart has been laid bare to your inspection, covers me with +the deepest confusion." + +"Bear witness for me," cried he, "that I never made an ill use of that +knowledge. Have I ever presumed upon it? Could you ever discover, by the +arrogance of Ton-hausen's conduct, that he had been the happy +_confidant_ of your retired sentiments? Believe me, Lady Stanley, that +man will ever admire you most, who knows most your worth; and oh!, who +knows it more, who adores it more than I?" + +"Still," said I, "I cannot compose my scattered senses. All appears a +dream; but, trust me, I doat on the illusion. I would not be undeceived, +if I am in an error. I would fain persuade myself, that but one man on +earth is acquainted with the softness, I will not call it weakness, of +my soul; and he the only man who could inspire that softness." "Oh! be +persuaded, most angelic of women," said he, pressing my hand to his +lips, "be persuaded of the truth of my assertion, that the Sylph and I +are one. You know how you were circumstanced." + +"Yes! I was married before I had the happiness of being seen by you." + +"No, you was not." + +"Not married, before I was seen by you?" + +"Most surely not. Years, years before that event, I knew, and, knowing, +loved you--loved you with all the fondness of man, while my age was that +of a boy. Has Julia quite forgot her juvenile companions? Is the time +worn from her memory, when Harry Woodley used to weave the fancied +garland for her?" + +"Protect me, Heaven!" cried I, "sure I am in the land of shadows!" + +"No," cried he, clasping me in his arms, and smiling at my apostrophe, +"you shall find substance and substantial joys too here." + +"Thou Proteus!" said I, withdrawing myself from his embrace, "what do +you mean by thus shifting characters, and each so potent?" + +"To gain my charming Nymph," he answered. "But why should we thus waste +our time? Let me lead you to your father." + +"My father! Is my father here?" + +"Yes, he brought me hither; perhaps, as Woodley, an unwelcome visitant. +But will you have the cruelty to reject him?" added he, looking slyly. + +"Don't presume too much," I returned with a smile. "You have convinced +me, you are capable of great artifice; but I shall insist on your +explaining your whole plan of operations, as an atonement for your +double, nay treble dealing, for I think you are three in one. But I am +impatient to behold my father, whom, the moment before I saw you, I was +accusing of cruelty, in seeking to urge me in the favour of one I was +determined never to see." + +"But now you have seen him (it was all your sister required of you, you +know), will you be inexorable to his vows?" + +"I am determined to be guided by my Sylph," cried I, "in this momentous +instance. That was my resolution, and still shall remain the same." + +"Suppose thy Sylph had recommended you to bestow your hand on Woodley? +What would have become of poor _Ton-hausen_?" + +"My confidence in the Sylph was established on the conviction of his +being my safest guide; as such, he would never have urged me to bestow +my hand where my heart was refractory; but, admitting the possibility of +the Sylph's pursuing such a measure, a negative voice would have been +allowed me; and no power, human or divine, should have constrained that +voice to breathe out a vow of fidelity to any other than him to whom the +secrets of my heart have been so long known." + +By this time we had nearly reached the house, from whence my father +sprung with the utmost alacrity to meet me. As he pressed me to his +venerable bosom, "Can my Julia refuse the request of her father, to +receive, as the best pledge of his affection, this valuable present? And +will she forgive the innocent trial we made of her fidelity to the most +amiable of men?" + +"Ah! I know not what to say," cried I; "here has been sad management +amongst you. But I shall soon forget the heart-aches I have experienced, +if they have removed from this gentleman any suspicions that I did not +regard him for himself alone. He has, I think, adopted the character of +Prior's Henry; and I hope he is convinced that the faithful Emma is not +a fiction of the poet's brain. I know not," I continued, "by what name +to call him." + +"Call me _your's_," cried he, "and that will be the highest title I +shall ever aspire to. But you shall know all, as indeed you have a right +to do. _Your_ sister, and soon, I hope, _mine_, related to you the +attachment which I had formed for you in my tenderest years, which, like +the incision on the infant bark, _grew with my growth, and strengthened +with my strength_. She likewise told you (but oh! how faint, how +inadequate to my feelings!) the extreme anguish that seized me when I +found you was married. Distraction surrounded me; I cannot give words to +my grief and despair. I fled from a place which had lost its only +attractive power. In the first paroxysm of affliction, I knew not what +resolutions I formed. I wrote to Spencer--not to give rest or ease to my +over-burdened heart; for that, alas! could receive no diminution--nor to +complain; for surely I could not complain of you; my form was not +imprinted on your mind, though your's had worn itself so deep a trace in +mine. Spencer opposed my resolution of returning to Germany, where I had +formed some connexions (only friendly ones, my Julia, but, as such, +infinitely tender). _He_ it was that urged me to take the name of +Ton-hausen, as that title belonged to an estate which devolved to me +from the death of one of the most valuable men in the world, who had +sunk into his grave, as the only asylum from a combination of woes. As +some years had elapsed, in which I had increased in bulk and stature, +joined to my having had the small-pox since I had been seen by you, he +thought it more than probable you would not recollect my person. I +hardly know what I proposed to myself, from closing with him in this +scheme, only that I take Heaven to witness, I never meant to injure you; +and I hope the whole tenor of my conduct has convinced you how sincere I +was in that profession. From the great irregularity of your late +husband's life, I had a _presentiment_, that you would at one time or +other be free from your engagements. I revered you as one, to whom I +hoped to be united; if not in this world, I might be a kindred-angel +with you in the next. Your virtuous soul could not find its congenial +friend in the riot and confusion in which you lived. I dared not trust +myself to offer to become your guide. I knew the extreme hazard I should +run; and that, with all the innocent intentions in the world, we might +both be undone by our _passions_ before _reason_ could come to our +assistance. I soon saw I had the happiness to be distinguished by you! +and that distinction, while it raised my admiration of you, excited in +me the desire of rendering myself still more worthy of your esteem; but +even that esteem I refused myself the dear privilege of soliciting for. +I acted with the utmost caution; and if, under the character of the +Sylph, I dived into the recesses of your soul, and drew from thence the +secret attachment you professed for the happy Baron, it was not so much +to gratify the vanity of my heart, as to put you on your guard, lest +some of the invidious wretches about you should propagate any reports to +your prejudice; and, dear as the sacrifice cost me, I tore myself from +your loved presence on a sarcasm which Lady Anne Parker threw out +concerning us. I withdrew some miles from London, and left Spencer there +to apprize me of any change in your circumstances. I gave you to +understand I had quitted the kingdom; but that was a severity I could +not impose upon myself: however, I constrained myself to take a +resolution of never again appearing in your presence till I should have +the liberty of indulging my passion without restraint. Nine parts of ten +in the world may condemn my procedure as altogether romantic. I believe +few will find it imitable; but I have nice feelings, and I could act no +other than I did. I could not, you see, bear to be the rival of myself. +_That_ I have proved under both the characters I assumed; but had I +found you had forgotten Ton-hausen, Woodley would have been deprived of +one of the most delicate pleasures a refined taste can experience. And +now all that remains is to intreat the forgiveness of my amiable Julia, +for these _pious frauds_; and to reassure her she shall, if _the heart +of man is not deceitful above all things_, never repent the confidence +she placed in her faithful Sylph, the affection she honoured the happy +Ton-hausen with, nor the esteem, notwithstanding his obstinate +perseverance, which she charitably bestowed on that unfortunate +knight-errant, Harry Woodley." + +"Heaven send I never may!" said I. But really I shall be half afraid to +venture the remainder of my life with such a variable being. However, my +father undertakes to answer for him in future. + +I assure you, my dear Maria, you are much indebted to me for this +recital, for I have borrowed the time out of the night, as the whole day +has been taken up in a manner you may more easily guess than I can +describe. + +Say every thing that is civil to Sir George on my part, as you are +conscious I have no time to bestow on any other men than those by whom I +am surrounded. I expect my sister and her swain tomorrow. + +Adieu! + +I am your's ever + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LX. + + +TO Lady BRUDENEL. + +You would hardly know your old acquaintance again, he is so totally +altered; you remember his pensive air, and gentle unassuming manner, +which seemed to bespeak the protection of every one. Instead of all +this, he is so alert, so brisk, and has such a saucy assurance in his +whole deportment, as really amazes; and, I freely own, delights me, as I +am happily convinced, that it is owing to myself that he is thus +different from what he was. Let him be what he will, he will ever be +dear to me. + +I wanted him to relate to me all the particulars of his friend +Frederick, the late Baron's, misfortunes. He says, the recital would +fill a volume, but that I shall peruse some papers on the subject some +time or other, when we are tired of being chearful, but that now we have +better employment; I therefore submit for the present. + +I admire my sister's choice very much; he is an agreeable man, and +extremely lively: much more so naturally, notwithstanding the airs some +folks give themselves, than my Proteus. Louisa too is quite alive; Mr. +Stanley has forgot the gout; and my father is ready to dance at the +wedding of his eldest daughter, which, I suppose, will take place soon. + +Pray how do you go on? Are you near your _accouchement_? or dare you +venture to travel as far as Stanley-park? for my uncle will not part +with any of us yet. + +Ah! I can write no longer; they threaten to snatch the pen from my hand; +that I may prevent such a solecism in politeness, I will conclude, by +assuring you of my tenderest wishes. + +Adieu! + +JULIA STANLEY. + + + + +LETTER LXI. + + +TO Lady STANLEY. + +Upon my word, a pretty kind of a romantic adventure you have made of it, +and the conclusion of the business just as it should be, and quite in +the line of _poetical justice_. Virtue triumphant, and Vice dragged at +her chariot-wheels,--for I heard yesterday, that Lord Biddulph was +selling off all his moveables, and had moved himself out of the kingdom. +Now my old friend Montague should be sent on board the Justitia, and +_all's well that ends well_. As to your Proteus, with all his _aliases_, +I think he must be quite a Machiavel in artifice. Heaven send he may +never change again! I should be half afraid of such a Will-of-the-wisp +lover. First this, then that, now the other, and always the same. But +bind him, bind him, Julia, in adamantine chains; make sure of him, while +he is yet in your power; and follow, with all convenient speed, the +dance your sister is going to lead off. Oh! she is in a mighty hurry! +Let me hear what she will say when she has been married ten months, as +poor I have been! and here must be kept prisoner with all the +dispositions in the world for freedom! + +What an acquisition your two husbands will be! I bespeak them both for +god-fathers; pray tell them so. Do you know, I wanted to persuade Sir +George to take a trip, just to see how you proceed in this affair; but, +I blush to tell you, he would not hear of any such thing, because he is +in expectation of a little impertinent visitor, and would not be from +home for the world. _Tell it not in Gath_. Thank heaven, the dissolute +tribe in London know nothing of it. But, I believe, none of our set will +be anxious about their sentiments. While we feel ourselves happy, we +shall think it no sacrifice to give up all the nonsense and hurry of the +_beau monde._ + +Adieu! + +MARIA BRUDENEL. + + +FINIS. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Sylph, Volume I and II, by Georgiana Cavendish + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SYLPH, VOLUME I AND II *** + +***** This file should be named 38525.txt or 38525.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/5/2/38525/ + +Produced by Dr. Clare Graham, Laura McDonald and Marc +D'Hooghe at http:www.girlebooks.com and +http://www.freeliterature.org (From images generously made +available by the Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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