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diff --git a/38111.txt b/38111.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8296677 --- /dev/null +++ b/38111.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1542 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of English Society, by George Du Maurier + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: English Society + +Author: George Du Maurier + +Release Date: November 23, 2011 [EBook #38111] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ENGLISH SOCIETY *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Wirawan, Chris Curnow and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + + +[Illustration: George Du Maurier] + + + + + ENGLISH SOCIETY + + + SKETCHED BY + + GEORGE DU MAURIER + + + [Illustration: Logo] + + + NEW YORK + + HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS + + 1897 + + + Copyright, 1886, 1887, 1888, 1889, 1890, 1891, 1892, 1893, 1894, + 1895, and 1896, by HARPER & BROTHERS. + + _All rights reserved._ + + + + +GEORGE DU MAURIER + + +I was thinking, with a pang, just before I put my pen to the paper, that +the death of George du Maurier must be a fact of stale interest to the +reader already, and that it would be staler yet by the time my words +reached him. So swiftly does the revolving world carry our sorrow into +the sun, our mirth into the shade, that it is as if the speed of the +planet had caught something of the impatience of age, and it were +hurried round upon its axis with the quickened pulses of senility. But +perhaps this is a delusion of ours who dwell in the vicissitude of +events, and there are still spots on the earth's whirling surface, +lurking-places of quiet, where it seems not to move, and there is time +to remember and to regret; where it is no astonishing thing that a king +should be a whole month dead, and yet not forgotten. At any rate, it is +in the hope, if not quite the faith, of this that I venture some belated +lines concerning a man whom we have lost just when he seemed beginning +to reveal himself. + + +I. + +It was my good fortune to have the courage to write to Du Maurier when +_Trilby_ was only half printed, and to tell him how much I liked the +gay, sad story. In every way it was well that I did not wait for the +end, for the last third of it seemed to me so altogether forced in its +conclusions that I could not have offered my praises with a whole heart, +nor he accepted them with any, if the disgust with its preposterous +popularity, which he so frankly, so humorously expressed, had then begun +in him. But the liking which its readers felt had not yet become +loathsome to the author, and he wrote me back a charming note, promising +me the mystery, and enough of it, which I had hoped for, because of my +pleasure in the true-dreaming in _Peter Ibbetson_; and speaking briefly, +most modestly and fitly, of his commencing novelist at sixty, and his +relative misgivings and surprises. + +It was indeed one of the most extraordinary things in the history of +literature, and without a parallel, at least to my ignorance. He might +have commenced and failed; that would have been infinitely less amazing +than his most amazing success; but it was very amazing that he should +have commenced at all. It is useless to say that he had commenced long +before, and in the literary property of his work he had always been an +author. This theory will not justify itself to any critical judgment; +one might as well say, if some great novelist distinguished for his +sense of color took to painting, that he had always been an artist. The +wonder of Du Maurier's essay, the astounding spectacle of his success, +cannot be diminished by any such explanation of it. He commenced +novelist in _Peter Ibbetson_, and so far as literature was concerned he +succeeded in even greater fulness than he has succeeded since. He had +perfect reason to be surprised; he had attempted an experiment, and he +had performed a miracle. + +As for the nature, or the quality, of his miracle, that is another +question. I myself think that in all essentials it was fine. The result +was not less gold because there was some dross of the transmuted metals +hanging about the precious ingot, and the evidences of the process were +present, though the secret was as occult as ever. He won the heart, he +kindled the fancy, he bewitched the reason; and no one can say just how +he did it. His literary attitude was not altogether new; he perfected an +attitude recognizable first in Fielding, next in Sterne, then in Heine, +afterwards in Thackeray: the attitude which I once called confidential, +and shook three realms beyond seas, and their colonial dependencies +here, with the word. It is an attitude which I find swaggering in +Fielding, insincere in Sterne, mocking in Heine, and inartistic in +Thackeray; but Du Maurier made it lovable. His whole story was a +confidence; whatever illusion there was resided in that fact; you had to +grant it in the beginning, and he made you grant it gladly. A trick? +Yes; but none of your vulgar ones; a species of legerdemain, exquisite +as that of the Eastern juggler who plants his ladder on the ground, +climbs it, and pulls it up after him into the empty air. It wants +seriousness, it wants the last respect for the reader's intelligence, it +wants critical justification; it wants whatever is the very greatest +thing in the very greatest novelists; the thing that convinces in +Hawthorne, George Eliot, Tourguenief, Tolstoy. But short of this supreme +truth, it has every grace, every beauty, every charm. It touches, it +appeals, it consoles; and it flatters, too; if it turns the head, if it +intoxicates, well, it is better to own the fact that it leaves one in +not quite the condition for judging it. I made my tacit protest against +it after following Trilby, poor soul, to her apotheosis at the hands of +the world and the church; but I fell a prey to it again in the first +chapters of _The Martian_, and I expect to continue in that sweet +bondage to the end. + + +II. + +If I venture to say that sentimentality is the dominant of the Du +Maurier music, it is because his art has made sentimentality beautiful; +I had almost said real, and I am ready to say different from what it was +before. It is a very manly sentimentality; we need not be ashamed of +sharing it; one should rather be ashamed of disowning its emotions. It +is in its sweetness, as well as its manliness, that I find the chief +analogy between Du Maurier's literature and his art. In all the long +course of his dealing with the life of English society, I can think of +but two or three instances of ungentleness. The humor which shone upon +every rank, and every variety of character, never abashed the lowly, +never insulted women, never betrayed the trust which reposed in its +traditions of decency and generosity. If we think of any other +caricaturist's art, how bitter it is apt to be, how brutal, how base! +The cruelties that often pass for wit, even in the best of our own +society satires, never tempted him to their ignoble exploitation; and +as for the filthy drolleries of French wit, forever amusing itself with +one commandment, how far they all are from him! His pictures are full of +the dearest children, lovely young girls, honest young fellows; snobs +who are as compassionable as they are despicable, bores who have their +reason for being, hypocrites who are not beyond redemption. It is in his +tolerance, his final pity of all life, that Du Maurier takes his place +with the great talents; and it is in his sympathy for weakness, for the +abased and outcast, that he classes himself with the foremost novelists +of the age, not one of whom is recreant to the high office of teaching +by parable that we may not profitably despise one another. Not even +Svengali was beyond the pale of his mercy, and how well within it some +other sorts of sinners were, the grief of very respectable people +testified. + +I will own myself that I like heroes and heroines to be born in wedlock +when they conveniently can, and to keep true to it; but if an author +wishes to suppose them otherwise I cannot proscribe them except for +subsequent misbehavior in his hands. The trouble with Trilby was not +that she was what she was imagined, but that finally the world could not +imaginably act with regard to her as the author feigned. Such as she +are to be forgiven, when they sin no more; not exalted and bowed down +to by all manner of elect personages. But I fancy Du Maurier did not +mean her to be an example. She had to be done something with, and after +all she had suffered, it was not in the heart of poetic justice to deny +her a little moriturary triumph. + +Du Maurier was not a censor of morals, but of manners, which indeed are +or ought to be the flower of morals, but not their root, and his +deflections from the straight line in the destiny of his creations must +not be too seriously regarded. I take it that the very highest fiction +is that which treats itself as fact, and never once allows itself to be +otherwise. This is the kind that the reader may well hold to the +strictest accountability in all respects. But there is another kind +capable of expressing an engaging beauty, and bewitchingly portraying +many phases of life, which comes smiling to you or (in vulgar keeping) +nudging you, and asking you to a game of make-believe. I do not object +to that kind either, but I should not judge it on such high grounds as +the other. I think it reached its perfect effect in Du Maurier's hands, +and that this novelist, who wrote no fiction till nigh sixty, is the +greatest master in that sort who ever lived, and I do not forget either +Sterne or Thackeray when I say so. + + +III. + +When I first spoke, long ago, of the confidential attitude of Thackeray, +I said that now we would not endure it. But I was wrong, if I meant that +more than the very small number who judge novels critically would be +impatient of it. No sooner were those fearful words printed than I began +to find, to my vast surprise, that the confidential attitude in +Thackeray was what most pleased the greatest number of his readers. This +gave me an ill opinion of their taste, but I could not deny the fact; +and the obstreperous triumph of _Trilby_, which was one long confidence, +has since contributed to render my defeat overwhelming. Du Maurier's use +of the method, as he perfected it, was so charming that I am not sure +but I began to be a little in love with it myself, though ordinarily +superior to its blandishments. It was all very well to have Thackeray +weep upon your neck over the fortunes of his characters, but if he had +just been telling you they were puppets, it was not so gratifying; and +as for poor Sterne, his sighs were so frankly insincere you could not +believe anything he said. But Du Maurier came with another eye for life, +with a faith of his own which you could share, and with a spirit which +endeared him from the first. He had prodigious novelties in store: +true-dreaming, hypnotism, and now (one does not know quite what yet) +intelligence from the neighborly little planet Mars. He had the gift of +persuading you that all his wonders were true, and his flattering +familiarity of manner heightened the effect of his wonders, like that of +the prestidigitator, who passes round in his audience, chatting +pleasantly, while he pours twenty different liquors out of one magical +bottle. + +I would not count his beautiful talent at less than its rare worth, and +if this figure belittles that, it does him wrong. Not before in our +literature has anything more distinct, more individual, made itself +felt. I have assumed to trace its descent, from this writer to that; but +it was only partly so descended; in what made it surprising and +captivating, it was heaven-descended. We shall be the lonelier and the +poorer hereafter for the silence which is to be where George du Maurier +might have been. + + W. D. HOWELLS. + + + + +ENGLISH SOCIETY + + +[Illustration: POST-PRANDIAL STUDIES + +FAIR HOSTESS (_passing the wine_).--"I hope you admire this decanter, +Admiral?" + +GALLANT ADMIRAL.--"Ah! it's not the vessel I am admiring...." + +FAIR HOSTESS.--"I suppose it's the _port_?" + +GALLANT ADMIRAL.--"Oh, no; it's the pilot."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HAMPERED WITH A CONSCIENCE + +TOMMY (_home from an afternoon party_).--"Mamma, darling, I've got a +great favor to ask of you.... _Please_ don't ask me _how I behaved_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FELINE AMENITIES + +OLD LADY (_to fashionable beauty, who has recently married the +General_).--"And so that white-haired old darling is your husband! What +a good-looking couple you must once have been!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TAKING THE CHANCES + +THE GENERAL.--"I've brought you a new book, Aunt Emily, by the new +French Academician. I'm told it's very good; but I've not read it +myself, so I'm not sure it's quite--a--quite correct, you know." + +AUNT EMILY.--"My dear boy, I'm ninety-six, and I'll _risk_ it!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TRIALS OF A PAINTER'S WIFE + +SIR BINKS (_who always piques himself on saying just the right +thing_).--"A--what I like so much about the milkmaid, dontcherknow, is +that your husband hasn't fallen into the usual mistake of painting a +lady dressed up in milkmaid's clothes! She's so unmistakably a milkmaid +and nothing else, dontcherknow!" + +THE PAINTER'S WIFE.--"I'm _so_ glad you think so.... He painted her from +_me_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LADIES OF FASHION AND THEIR DOCTORS + +(SCENE: The Waiting-Room of a Fashionable Physician.) + +FAIR PATIENT (_just ushered in_).--"What--_you_ here, Lizzie? Why, ain't +you _well_?" + +SECOND DITTO.--"Perfectly, thanks! But what's the matter with _you_, +dear?" + +FIRST DITTO.--"Oh, nothing whatever! I'm as right as possible, +dearest...!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "BONJOUR, SUZON!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: RIVAL SMALL AND EARLIES] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: MOTHER'S DARLINGS] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: DAYLIGHT WISDOM + +ELDER SISTER.--"Oh! he proposed after supper, did he--after dancing with +you all night--and you refused him? Quite right! My dear child, never +believe in _any_ proposal until the young man calls at eleven in the +morning and asks you to be his wife!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN UNAPPRECIATED COMPLIMENT + +"Good-night, Miss Maud!" + +"I'm _not_ Miss Maud." + +"Miss _Ethel_, I mean. Won't you shake hands with me? How ungrateful of +you! and just after I've been taking you for your lovely sister, +too."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LE MONDE OU L'ON S'ENNUIE + +"I see a tent. I wonder what's going on inside? Let's go and see...." + +"What's the good of our going in there?" + +"What's the good of our stopping out here?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE TABLES TURNED + +TIRED DAUGHTERS.--"Don't you think we might _go_ now, mamma? It's three +o'clock." + +FESTIVE MAMMA.--"Oh, that's not so _very_ late, darlings.... Mayn't I +have _one_ more dance?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A SLEEPY HOLLOW IN THE OLD COUNTRY + +(The Common Room at St. Morpheus, Oxbridge.) + +FIRST TUTOR (_waking up, and languidly helping himself to his modest +glass of claret_).--"Ah! I like a little sleep after dinner.... It makes +one ready for one's wine!" + +SECOND TUTOR.--"Well, _I_ like a little sleep _before_ dinner best!" + +THE MASTER.--"Pooh! Talk to me of the after-breakfast sleep in +term-time! That's what _I_ enjoy!!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TAKING ONE TOO MUCH AT ONE'S WORD + +HOSTESS.--"Won't you play us something, Mr. Spinks?" + +MUSICAL AMATEUR (_who thinks a good deal of himself, in spite of his +modesty_).--"Oh, don't ask me--you are all such first-rate performers +here--and you play such good music, too." + +HOSTESS.--"Well, but we like a little _variety_, you know."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE ENGLISH TAKE THEIR PLEASURES SADLY] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A DAUGHTER OF HETH + +LIONEL.--"Oh, I _say_, Benjamin! how splendid your wife is looking! +_She_ pays for dressing, if you _like_!" + +BENJAMIN.--"_Does_ she, my boy? I only wish she _did_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A QUESTION OF AGE + +TEDDY.--"How old are you, Aunt Milly?" + +AUNT MILLY (_who owns to 35_).--"Oh, Teddy, almost a hundred!" + +TEDDY.--"Auntie, I can't believe you! I'd believe you if you'd said +fifty!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: BREAKFAST AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL + +"A southerly wind and a cloudy sky proclaim a hunting morning."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: BUSINESS + +SIR BEDIVERE DE VERE.--"Oh, I say. How you do chaff! You never take me +seriously!" + +AMERICAN BELLE.--"You never asked me!" (_No cards._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: DOMESTIC ECONOMY + +MATER.--"Papa, dear, do you know a halfpenny weekly paper called +_Flipbutts_?" + +PATER.--"Never heard of it in my life!" + +MATER.--"Well, it offers ninepence a column for answering questions, and +they _are_ so difficult, and we _do_ so want to make a little money! Do +leave off your novel and help us a little." (_Pater can only write two +novels a year, but gets L10,000 for each of them._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: WHAT INDUCED HIM TO MARRY HER? + +HE.--"Look! Here comes young Brummell Washington, with his bride. I +wonder what on earth induced him to marry her?" + +SHE.--"Oh, probably somebody bet him he wouldn't!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A CLAIM TO SOCIAL PRECEDENCE + +HOSTESS.--"You must give your arm to Miss Malecho, William, and put her +on your right, and make yourself as agreeable as you possibly can!" + +HOST.--"Why, she's a person of no consequence whatever!" + +HOSTESS.--"Oh, yes, she is! She's very ill-natured, and tells the most +horrid lies about people if they don't pay her the very greatest +attention!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN INTRODUCTION + +"Auntie, darling, this is my new friend, Georgie Jones. He _is_ nice. +And isn't it funny, my birthday is the ninth of January, and his is the +tenth, so you see we only just escaped being twins!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: BANJONALITIES + +(The Freemasonry of Art.) + +HE.--"I beg your pardon--but--er would you be so kind as to give me the +'G'?" + +SHE.--"Oh, certainly." (_Gives it._) + +HE.--"Thanks, awfully!" (_Bows and proceeds on his way._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TEUTONIC SATIRE + +HOSTESS.--"Oh, _pray_ don't leave off, Herr Rosencranz. That was a +lovely song you just began!" + +EMINENT BARYTONE.--"Yes, matame, bot it tit not harmonise viz de +cheneral gonferzation. It is in _B vlat_, and you and all your vrents +are talking in _G_. I haf a zong in _F_ and a zong in _A sharp_, bot I +haf no zong in _G_!" + +ACCOMPANIST.--"Ach! Berhaps, to opliche matame, I could dransbose de +aggombaniments--ja?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: REASONING FROM INDUCTION + +"Look, Geoffrey! That's Lady Emily Tomlinson. Isn't she pretty?" + +"Yes. And I s'pose that's _Lord_ Emily walking with her!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THOSE INFELICITOUS SPEECHES + +PROFESSOR BOREHAM.--"What! alone, Mrs. Highflyer? Your husband is not +ill, I trust!" + +MRS. HIGHFLYER (_innocently_).--"Oh no; but he was afraid he might be, +if he came here!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SOCIAL PERSEVERANCE + +MRS. ONSLOW-PUSHINGTON.--"What a very singular woman Lady Masham _is_, +Professor! I have called on her every Wednesday this month, and the +footman (who knows me perfectly) always said she was out, though +Wednesday's her day at home, and there were lots of carriages at the +door! She never calls on me--never! And when I bow to her, as I always +do, she always looks another way, as she did just now. I must really +call again next Wednesday."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE LAST STRAW! + +"What's the matter, dearest? You look sad...." + +"Oh, everything's going wrong. The children are ill in bed, and nurse +has got the influenza, and my husband declares that ruin is staring us +in the face, and I've got an unbecoming frock, and altogether I'm +thoroughly depressed...." + + (_Breaks down._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: JUST IN TIME FOR A CUP OF TEA] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FELINE AMENITIES + +THE MISSES TIPTYLTE.--"Such fun! We're going to Mrs. Masham's fancy ball +as Cinderella's ugly sisters--with false noses, you know!" + +MISS AQUILA SHARPE.--"What a capital idea! But why false noses?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: NEIGHBORLY COMPLIMENTS + +"Tell me, Mrs. Jones, who's that young Adonis your married daughter is +looking up to so eagerly?" + +"Her _husband_, Mrs. Snarley!" + +"Dear me, you don't say so! I congratulate you.... Now I understand how +you come to have such good-looking grandchildren."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: GENTLE TERRORISM + +THE PROFESSOR.--"Will you give me a kiss, my dear?" + +EFFIE (_an habitually naughty girl_).--"Oh, mammie.... I'll be _good_, +I'll be _good_.... I promise!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN UNPLEASANT SOCIAL DUTY + +HOSTESS.--"Geoffrey, I want you to dance with that little girl!" + +GEOFFREY.--"Oh, well, if I must, I _must_...!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: STREET DIALECTICS + +BROWN (_who was all but run over_).--"Why didn't you call out _sooner_, +you stupid ass?" + +CABBY.--"I _did_, sir!" + +BROWN.--"Why didn't you call out _louder_, then?" + +CABBY.--"I _did_, sir!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: EQUAL TO THE OCCASION + +MRS. GUSHINGTON.--"Oh! oh! what a lovely, _lovely_ picture! So true, +so...." + +OUR ARTIST.--"Wait a bit, Mrs. Gushington--it's wrong side up.... Let me +put it right first...!" (_Does so._) + +MRS. GUSHINGTON (_unabashed_).--"Oh! oh! oh! Why, _that_ way it's even +more lovely still!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PRECEDENCE AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL DURING THE HOLIDAYS + +Grandpapa takes the bride in to dinner, and the rest follow anyhow.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HISTRIONIC EGOTISM + +OUR PET ACTOR (_just arrived_).--"By Jove--these good people all seem to +know me very well--nodding and smiling"--(_nods and smiles himself, +right and left_)--"uncommonly flattering, I'm sure--considering I've +never set foot in the town before!" + +OUR PET ARTIST (_his chum_).--"I'm afraid it's _me_ they're nodding and +smiling at, old man! I come every year, you know--and know every soul in +the place!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A STATELY STAIRCASE WINDS AROUND A LARGE HALL] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HOW REPUTATIONS OF DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS ARE SOMETIMES +MADE + +HERR SILBERMUND (the Great Pianist) TO MRS. TATTLER.--"Ach, Lady +Creichton has for _bainting_ der most remarrgaple chenius. Look at +_dis_! It is eqval to Felasquez!" + +M. LANGUEDOR (the Famous Painter) TO MISS GUSHINGTON.--"Ah! For ze +music, Miladi Cretonne has a talent kvite exceptionnel. Listen to _zat_! +It surpass Madame Schumann!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: EOTHEN + +COOK'S TOURIST (_female_).--"What's that jagged white line on the +horizon, I wonder?" + +COOK'S TOURIST (_male_).--"_Snow_, probably!" + +COOK'S TOURIST (_female_).--"Ah! that's much more likely! I heard the +captain saying it was _Greece_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE DANCING MAN OF THE PERIOD + +"Been dancin' at all?" + +"Dancin'? Not I! Catch me dancin' in a house where there ain't a +smokin'-room! I'm off, directly!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: UNCONSCIOUS CYNICISM + +SHE.--"It's such years since we met that perhaps you never heard of my +marriage?" + +HE.--"No, indeed! Is it--er--recent enough for congratulations?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: UNLUCKY SPEECHES + +SHE.--"What a disagreeable thing that insomnia must be! Very trying, I +think! Do _you_ ever suffer from it, Captain Spinks?" + +HE.--"Oh, dear, no. I can sleep anywhere, at any time! Could go off +_this moment_, I assure you...!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FIN DE SIECLE + +"That's where poor Mrs. Wilkins used to live!" + +"Why '_poor_' Mrs. Wilkins?" + +"Well, her husband was killed in that horrid railway accident, don't you +remember?" + +"Oh, but that was _months_ ago!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A CUP OF TEA AND A QUIET CIGARETTE AFTER LUNCH] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PRECEDENCE IN VANITY FAIR + +The lady guests go in to dinner with the host and young Sir John and +young Sir James and the Hon. Dick Swiveller, while the hostess naturally +takes the arm of her nephew, Lord Goslin (_just from Eton_), so that, as +the party is just two ladies short, Dr. Jones, the great historian, and +Professor Brown, the famous philologist (_whose wives have not been +asked_), bring up the rear together. + +THE DOCTOR.--"Well, Professor, we may be of less _consequence_ than the +rest, but at all events we're the _oldest_ and the most renowned!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THINGS ONE COULD WISH TO HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE + +PUZZLED HOSTESS.--"I beg your pardon, Lord Bovril, but _will_ you tell +me whether I ought to take _your_ arm, or Prince Sulkytoff's, or the +Duke's?" + +LORD BOVRIL (Lord-Lieutenant of the County).--"Well--a--since you ask +me, I must tell you that--a--as her Majesty's representative, _I_ am +bound to claim the honor! But I hope you won't for a moment suppose that +I'm fool enough--a--to care _personally_ one rap about that sort of +thing!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: DANCING MEN] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ILL-CONSIDERED UTTERANCES + +WELL-PRESERVED ELDERLY COQUETTE.--"Ah! Admiral, _what_ a good time we +had there, junketing and dancing and flirting! It all seems like +yesterday! Do you remember the Carew girls, and your old flame Lucy +Masters, and that poor boy Jack Lushington, who was so desperately in +love with _me_?" + +THE ADMIRAL.--"Indeed I do, dear Lady Maria! And to think of their all +dying ... years ago!... _And of old age, too!_"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN EQUIVOCAL COMPLIMENT + +LADY PRATTLER (_a confirmed first-nighter, to actor-manager_).--"I +congratulate you on your success last night, Mr. McStamp!... How good +you were! It was all charmin'--so light, so bright, so well put on the +stage!... And oh! _such nice long entr'actes_, you know!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PROFESSIONAL BEAUTIES OF THE PAST + +HOUSEKEEPER (_showing visitors over historic mansion_).--"This is the +portrait of Queen Catherine of Medici--sister to the _Venus_ of that +name...."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE GONDOLETTE] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A FESTIVE PROCESSION + +Meet of the Four-in-Hand Club, Hyde Park, London.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE JOYS OF HOSPITALITY + +JENKINS.--"Good heavens! Why, there's that brute Tomkins! The skunk! I +wonder you can ask such a man to your house! I hope you haven't put him +near me at dinner, because I shall cut him dead." + +HOSTESS.--"Oh, it's all right. He told me all about you before you came +in." + +JENKINS.--"Did he? What did he say about _me_, the ruffian?" + +HOSTESS.--"Oh, nothing much--merely what you've just been saying about +_him_."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TOO KIND BY HALF + +HE.--"Oh, I've long given up dancing for my _own_ sake. I only dance now +with those unlucky girls that don't get partners. Who's that young lady +behind you?" + +SHE.--"My daughter." + +HE.--"Pray, introduce me!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN INFELICITOUS SPEECH + +"Why, you're looking better already, Sir Ronald!" + +"Yes, thanks to your delightful hospitality, I've had everything my +doctor ordered me: 'Fresh air, good food, agreeable society, and +cheerful conversation that involves no strain on the intellect!'"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: DISAPPOINTMENTS OF LION-HUNTING + +GUARDSMAN (_gazing at the motley throng_).--"Any great literary or +scientific celebrities here to-night, Lady Circe?" + +LADY CIRCE (_who has taken to hunting Lions_).--"No, Sir Charles. The +worst of celebrities in these democratic days is that they won't come +unless you ask their wives and families, too! So I ask the wives and +families, and the wives and families come in their thousands, if you +please, and the celebrities stay at home and go to bed."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TWO ON A TOWER + +JONES (_a rising young British architect_).--"Yes; it's a charming old +castle you've bought, Mrs. Prynne, and I heartily congratulate you on +being its possessor!" + +FAIR CALIFORNIA WIDOW (_just settled in the old country_).--"Thanks. And +now you must find me a _legend_ for it, Mr. Jones!" + +JONES.--"I'm afraid I can't manage _that_; but I could add a _story_, if +that will do as well!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AT THE ZOO + +TOMMY.--"Why don't they have little shut-up houses? Why do they have +open bars?" + +DOROTHY (_who knows everything_).--"Oh! that's for them to see the +people, of course!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: NATURE _VERSUS_ ART + +Just as Stodge is about to explain the recondite subtleties of his +picture to a select circle of deeply interested and delightfully +sympathetic women, his wife comes in with the _baby_, confound it!] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A NEW READING OF A FAMOUS PICTURE + +"Oh, look, grandpapa! Poor things ... they're burying the baby!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ANTE-POSTHUMOUS JEALOUSY + +"_Isn't_ Emily Firkinson a darling, Reginald?" + +"A--ahem--no doubt. I can't say much for her _singing_, you know!" + +"Ah! but she's so good and true--a perfect angel! I've known her all my +life. I want you to _promise_ me something, Reginald." + +"Certainly, my love!" + +"If I should die young, and you should ever marry again, promise, oh! +promise me that it shall be Emily Firkinson!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS + +HOSTESS (_to host, after dinner_).--"George, dear, how about asking +Signor Robsonio and Signora Smithorelli to sing? They'll be mortally +_offended_ if we _do_, and they'll be mortally _offended_ if we +_don't_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SOCIAL AGONIES + +MRS. BLOKER.--"Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you at breakfast, but I wanted +to make _sure_ of you. Mr. and Mrs. Dedleigh Boreham are stopping with +me for a few days, and I want you to come and dine to-morrow, or, if you +are engaged, Wednesday; or Thursday will do, or Friday or Saturday; or +_any_ day next week!" + +(_Mrs. Brown feebly tries to invent that they have some thoughts of +sailing to Honolulu this afternoon, and that they have just lost a +relative, but breaks down ignominiously._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TRUE BLUE + +"But doesn't hearing those brilliant speeches sometimes make you change +your mind?" + +"My _mind_? Oh, often! But my _vote_, _NEVER_!!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: NOUS AVONS CHANGE TOUT CELA + +THE OLD MARQUIS OF CARABAS.--"What, madam! There's your lovely but +penniless daughter positively dying to marry me; and here I am, willing +to settle L20,000 a year on her, and give her one of the oldest titles +in England, _and you refuse your consent_!!!! By George, madam, in _my_ +young days it wasn't the mothers who objected to men of my sort. It was +the _daughters themselves_!!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SPEECHES ONE HAS TO LIVE DOWN + +HOSTESS.--"So sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr. Green." + +VISITOR.--"Oh, don't mention it. The anticipation, you know, is always +so much brighter than the reality."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TOO CONSIDERATE + +MRS. BROWN.--"Oh, Mrs. Smith, _do_ have that sweet baby of yours brought +down to show my husband. He's never seen it." + +MR. BROWN.--"Oh, pray, don't trouble on _my_ account."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY + +GENIAL HOSTESS.--"What, going already, Professor?... And _must_ you take +your wife away with you?" + +THE PROFESSOR (_with grave politeness_).--"Indeed, madam, _I am sorry to +say I MUST_!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HAPPY THOUGHT] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FLUNKYANA + +(A Visit to the Portrait-Gallery of Brabazon Towers.) + +"Pardon me! But you have passed over that picture in the corner. An old +Dutch master, I think." + +"Oh, _that_! 'The Burgermaster' it's called By Rembrank, I b'lieve. It +ain't nothing much. Only a work of hart. _Not one of the family, you +know!_"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "OH, DON'T YOU REMEMBER SWEET ALICE, BEN BOLT?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A WINDOW STUDY + +THE MAIDEN.--"Good-morning, Mr. Jones! How do you like my hyacinths?" + +THE CURATE.--"Well, they prevent me from seeing _you_! I should prefer +_Lower_ cinths!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SO _ENGLISH_, YOU KNOW! + +The Miss Browns (_of "a good" Bayswater family_) playing "Buffalo Gals," +with variations, on two American banjoes and an American +parlor-grand.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SOCIAL TARRADIDDLES + +MRS. GUSHINGTON (_aside to her husband_).--"What a long, tiresome piece +of music that was! Who's it by, I wonder?" + +MR. GUSHINGTON.--"Beethoven, my love." + +MRS. GUSHINGTON (_to hostess_).--"My _dear_ Mrs. Brown, what _heavenly_ +music! How in every _bar_ one feels the stamp of the greatest genius the +world has ever known!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: LOVE'S LABOR LOST + +"Oh, papa, we've all quite made up our minds _never to marry_, now we've +got this beautiful house and garden!" (_Papa has taken this beautiful +house and garden solely with the view of tempting eligible young men to +come and play lawn-tennis, etc., etc._)] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE MARCH OF PROGRESS + +SHE.--"After all, there's nothing better than the wing of a chicken! +_Is_ there, General?" + +HE.--"I never tasted the wing of a chicken. I only know the _legs_! When +I was _young_, you know, my _parents_ always ate the wings, and _now_, +my _children_ always do!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN INFELICITOUS QUESTION + +AESTHETIC YOUTH.--"I hope by degrees to have this room filled with +nothing but the most perfectly beautiful things...." + +SIMPLE-MINDED GUARDSMAN.--"And what are you going to do with _these_, +then?"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: I MUST HAVE THIS TOOTH OUT! + +"I must have this tooth out, it hurts so!" + +"Oh, _please_ don't, or _I_ shall have to wear it, as I do _all_ of your +left-off things!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: NEMESIS + +MRS. CONSTANTIA (_to old adorer, who has married for money_).--"And +these are your children, Ronald? Oh!... how like their mother!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: TOO LATE + +HE.--"What! You haven't got a dance left?" + +SHE.--"No. It's past two o'clock! Why didn't you come earlier?" + +HE.--"Well, a feller must _dine_, you know!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FEMININE PERVERSITY + +SHE-GOSSIP (_alluding to newly-wedded pair_).--"There go 'Beauty and the +Beast,' as they are called! She _would_ marry him. Her parents strongly +opposed the match, as you may imagine." + +HE-GOSSIP (_who flatters himself that he understands the sex_).--"By +George! The parental opposition must have been strong to make her marry +such a ruffian as that!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: CONSOLATION + +DE SNOOKKE.--"There goes Mrs. _Gatherum_! She never asks _me_ to her +parties! I suppose I am not _swell_ enough!" + +SYMPATHETIC LADY-FRIEND.--"Oh, it can't be _that_! One meets the most +rowdy people in London there."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: CAPTAIN LELONGBOW + +CAPTAIN LELONGBOW (_a fascinating but most inveterate romancer about his +own exploits_).--"Who's your favorite hero in _fiction_, Miss Vera?" + +MISS VERA.--"_You_ are!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AESTHETICS + +MRS. VAN TROMP.--"Oh, Sir Charles! Modern English male attire is _too_ +hideous. Just look round ... there are only two decently dressed men in +the room!" + +SIR CHARLES.--"Indeed! And which are _they_, may I ask?" + +MRS. VAN TROMP.--"Well, I don't know _who_ they are, exactly; but just +now one seems to be offering the other a cup of tea."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN ACCOMMODATION + +VOCALIST (_to fair Stranger_).--"A--I'm going to sing '_Fain would I +clasp thee closer, love_!' May I look at you while I am singing?" + +FAIR STRANGER.-"Oh, certainly! Or at my grandmother."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "SVENGALI!... SVENGALI!... SVENGALI!"] + + * * * * * + + + + +BOOKS WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED + +BY + +GEORGE DU MAURIER + + + { Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental $1 50 +PETER IBBETSON { Three-Quarter Calf 3 25 + { Three-Quarter Levant 4 25 + + { Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental 1 75 +TRILBY { Three-Quarter Calf 3 50 + { Three-Quarter Levant 4 50 + +THE MARTIAN (_Mr. Du Maurier's last work, now running as a serial in +"Harper's Magazine," began in the number for October, 1896_). + +TRILBY SOUVENIR. Photogravures in Portfolio 8vo 50 + +IN BOHEMIA WITH DU MAURIER. By Moscheles 8vo 2 50 + + +Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York + +_For sale by all booksellers, or will be mailed by the publishers on +receipt of price._ + + + + +Transcriber's Notes: + +Words surrounded by _ are italicized. + +Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +Pg 2, word "indefinitely" changed to "infinitely" (infinitely less +amazing). + +Caption for illustration A DAUGHTER OF HETH, name "BENJAMIM" changed to +"BENJAMIN." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of English Society, by George Du Maurier + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ENGLISH SOCIETY *** + +***** This file should be named 38111.txt or 38111.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/1/1/38111/ + +Produced by Judith Wirawan, Chris Curnow and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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