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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:09:34 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:09:34 -0700 |
| commit | 843f876f6b185bb742a2190b455c3661acab01dc (patch) | |
| tree | d5856535c69d29baf3a9b6357669b251355df7cd /38111-h | |
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diff --git a/38111-h/38111-h.htm b/38111-h/38111-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..20edb25 --- /dev/null +++ b/38111-h/38111-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1726 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<!-- $Id: header.txt 236 2009-12-07 18:57:00Z vlsimpson $ --> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of English Society, by George Du Maurier. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + +h1,h2,h3,h4,h5 {text-align: center; clear: both;} +p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + +hr {width: 65%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; clear: both;} + +table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + +.center {text-align: center;} +.right {text-align: right; margin-right: 5%} +.gesperrt {letter-spacing: .3em;} +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} +.figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + +.tnotes {border: dashed 1px;} +.tnote {margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of English Society, by George Du Maurier + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: English Society + +Author: George Du Maurier + +Release Date: November 23, 2011 [EBook #38111] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ENGLISH SOCIETY *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Wirawan, Chris Curnow and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_cover.jpg" width="400" height="230" alt="Cover" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_002.jpg" width="400" height="593" alt="George Du Maurier" title="" /> +</div> + + + + +<h1><span class="gesperrt">ENGLISH SOCIETY</span></h1> + + +<h4>SKETCHED BY</h4> + +<h2>GEORGE DU MAURIER</h2> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 100px;"> +<img src="images/i_003.jpg" width="100" height="120" alt="Logo" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h4>NEW YORK<br /> + +HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS<br /> + +1897</h4> + + +<h5>Copyright, 1886, 1887, 1888, 1889, 1890, 1891, 1892, 1893, 1894, +1895, and 1896, by <span class="smcap">Harper & Brothers</span>.</h5> + +<h5><i>All rights reserved.</i></h5> + + + +<hr /> +<h2>GEORGE DU MAURIER</h2> + + +<p>I was thinking, with a pang, just before I put my pen to the paper, +that the death of George du Maurier must be a fact of stale interest to +the reader already, and that it would be staler yet by the time my words +reached him. So swiftly does the revolving world carry our sorrow into +the sun, our mirth into the shade, that it is as if the speed of the planet +had caught something of the impatience of age, and it were hurried round +upon its axis with the quickened pulses of senility. But perhaps this is +a delusion of ours who dwell in the vicissitude of events, and there are +still spots on the earth's whirling surface, lurking-places of quiet, where it +seems not to move, and there is time to remember and to regret; where +it is no astonishing thing that a king should be a whole month dead, and +yet not forgotten. At any rate, it is in the hope, if not quite the faith, of +this that I venture some belated lines concerning a man whom we have + lost just when he seemed beginning to reveal himself.</p> + + +<h3>I.</h3> + +<p>It was my good fortune to have the courage to write to Du Maurier +when <i>Trilby</i> was only half printed, and to tell him how much I liked +the gay, sad story. In every way it was well that I did not wait for the +end, for the last third of it seemed to me so altogether forced in its conclusions +that I could not have offered my praises with a whole heart, nor +he accepted them with any, if the disgust with its preposterous popularity, +which he so frankly, so humorously expressed, had then begun in him. +But the liking which its readers felt had not yet become loathsome to the +author, and he wrote me back a charming note, promising me the mystery, +and enough of it, which I had hoped for, because of my pleasure in +the true-dreaming in <i>Peter Ibbetson</i>; and speaking briefly, most modestly +and fitly, of his commencing novelist at sixty, and his relative misgivings +and surprises.</p> + +<p>It was indeed one of the most extraordinary things in the history of +literature, and without a parallel, at least to my ignorance. He might + have commenced and failed; that would have been infinitely less amazing +than his most amazing success; but it was very amazing that he should +have commenced at all. It is useless to say that he had commenced long +before, and in the literary property of his work he had always been an +author. This theory will not justify itself to any critical judgment; one +might as well say, if some great novelist distinguished for his sense of +color took to painting, that he had always been an artist. The wonder +of Du Maurier's essay, the astounding spectacle of his success, cannot be +diminished by any such explanation of it. He commenced novelist in +<i>Peter Ibbetson</i>, and so far as literature was concerned he succeeded in +even greater fulness than he has succeeded since. He had perfect reason +to be surprised; he had attempted an experiment, and he had performed +a miracle.</p> + +<p>As for the nature, or the quality, of his miracle, that is another question. +I myself think that in all essentials it was fine. The result was +not less gold because there was some dross of the transmuted metals hanging +about the precious ingot, and the evidences of the process were present, +though the secret was as occult as ever. He won the heart, he kindled +the fancy, he bewitched the reason; and no one can say just how he did + it. His literary attitude was not altogether new; he perfected an attitude +recognizable first in Fielding, next in Sterne, then in Heine, afterwards in +Thackeray: the attitude which I once called confidential, and shook three +realms beyond seas, and their colonial dependencies here, with the word. +It is an attitude which I find swaggering in Fielding, insincere in Sterne, +mocking in Heine, and inartistic in Thackeray; but Du Maurier made it +lovable. His whole story was a confidence; whatever illusion there was +resided in that fact; you had to grant it in the beginning, and he made +you grant it gladly. A trick? Yes; but none of your vulgar ones; a +species of legerdemain, exquisite as that of the Eastern juggler who plants +his ladder on the ground, climbs it, and pulls it up after him into the +empty air. It wants seriousness, it wants the last respect for the reader's +intelligence, it wants critical justification; it wants whatever is the very +greatest thing in the very greatest novelists; the thing that convinces in +Hawthorne, George Eliot, Tourguénief, Tolstoy. But short of this supreme +truth, it has every grace, every beauty, every charm. It touches, it +appeals, it consoles; and it flatters, too; if it turns the head, if it intoxicates, +well, it is better to own the fact that it leaves one in not quite the +condition for judging it. I made my tacit protest against it after following +Trilby, poor soul, to her apotheosis at the hands of the world and the +church; but I fell a prey to it again in the first chapters of <i>The Martian</i>, +and I expect to continue in that sweet bondage to the end.</p> + + +<h3>II.</h3> + +<p>If I venture to say that sentimentality is the dominant of the Du +Maurier music, it is because his art has made sentimentality beautiful; I +had almost said real, and I am ready to say different from what it was +before. It is a very manly sentimentality; we need not be ashamed of +sharing it; one should rather be ashamed of disowning its emotions. It +is in its sweetness, as well as its manliness, that I find the chief analogy +between Du Maurier's literature and his art. In all the long course of +his dealing with the life of English society, I can think of but two or +three instances of ungentleness. The humor which shone upon every rank, +and every variety of character, never abashed the lowly, never insulted +women, never betrayed the trust which reposed in its traditions of decency +and generosity. If we think of any other caricaturist's art, how bitter it +is apt to be, how brutal, how base! The cruelties that often pass for wit, +even in the best of our own society satires, never tempted him to their +ignoble exploitation; and as for the filthy drolleries of French wit, forever +amusing itself with one commandment, how far they all are from him! +His pictures are full of the dearest children, lovely young girls, honest +young fellows; snobs who are as compassionable as they are despicable, +bores who have their reason for being, hypocrites who are not beyond +redemption. It is in his tolerance, his final pity of all life, that Du +Maurier takes his place with the great talents; and it is in his sympathy +for weakness, for the abased and outcast, that he classes himself with the +foremost novelists of the age, not one of whom is recreant to the high +office of teaching by parable that we may not profitably despise one +another. Not even Svengali was beyond the pale of his mercy, and how +well within it some other sorts of sinners were, the grief of very respectable +people testified.</p> + +<p>I will own myself that I like heroes and heroines to be born in wedlock +when they conveniently can, and to keep true to it; but if an author +wishes to suppose them otherwise I cannot proscribe them except for subsequent +misbehavior in his hands. The trouble with Trilby was not that +she was what she was imagined, but that finally the world could not +imaginably act with regard to her as the author feigned. Such as she are +to be forgiven, when they sin no more; not exalted and bowed down to +by all manner of elect personages. But I fancy Du Maurier did not +mean her to be an example. She had to be done something with, and +after all she had suffered, it was not in the heart of poetic justice to deny +her a little moriturary triumph.</p> + +<p>Du Maurier was not a censor of morals, but of manners, which +indeed are or ought to be the flower of morals, but not their root, and his +deflections from the straight line in the destiny of his creations must not +be too seriously regarded. I take it that the very highest fiction is that +which treats itself as fact, and never once allows itself to be otherwise. +This is the kind that the reader may well hold to the strictest accountability +in all respects. But there is another kind capable of expressing an +engaging beauty, and bewitchingly portraying many phases of life, which +comes smiling to you or (in vulgar keeping) nudging you, and asking you +to a game of make-believe. I do not object to that kind either, but I +should not judge it on such high grounds as the other. I think it reached +its perfect effect in Du Maurier's hands, and that this novelist, who wrote +no fiction till nigh sixty, is the greatest master in that sort who ever lived, +and I do not forget either Sterne or Thackeray when I say so. </p> + + +<h3>III.</h3> + +<p>When I first spoke, long ago, of the confidential attitude of Thackeray, +I said that now we would not endure it. But I was wrong, if I +meant that more than the very small number who judge novels critically +would be impatient of it. No sooner were those fearful words printed +than I began to find, to my vast surprise, that the confidential attitude in +Thackeray was what most pleased the greatest number of his readers. +This gave me an ill opinion of their taste, but I could not deny the fact; +and the obstreperous triumph of <i>Trilby</i>, which was one long confidence, has +since contributed to render my defeat overwhelming. Du Maurier's use of +the method, as he perfected it, was so charming that I am not sure but I +began to be a little in love with it myself, though ordinarily superior to its +blandishments. It was all very well to have Thackeray weep upon your +neck over the fortunes of his characters, but if he had just been telling +you they were puppets, it was not so gratifying; and as for poor Sterne, +his sighs were so frankly insincere you could not believe anything he said. +But Du Maurier came with another eye for life, with a faith of his own +which you could share, and with a spirit which endeared him from the +first. He had prodigious novelties in store: true-dreaming, hypnotism, and +now (one does not know quite what yet) intelligence from the neighborly +little planet Mars. He had the gift of persuading you that all his +wonders were true, and his flattering familiarity of manner heightened the +effect of his wonders, like that of the prestidigitator, who passes round in +his audience, chatting pleasantly, while he pours twenty different liquors +out of one magical bottle.</p> + +<p>I would not count his beautiful talent at less than its rare worth, +and if this figure belittles that, it does him wrong. Not before in our +literature has anything more distinct, more individual, made itself felt. I +have assumed to trace its descent, from this writer to that; but it was +only partly so descended; in what made it surprising and captivating, it +was heaven-descended. We shall be the lonelier and the poorer hereafter +for the silence which is to be where George du Maurier might have been.</p> + +<p class="right"><span class="smcap">W. D. Howells.</span></p> + + + +<hr /><h2>ENGLISH SOCIETY</h2> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_019.jpg" width="600" height="393" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">POST-PRANDIAL STUDIES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Fair Hostess</span> (<i>passing the wine</i>).—"I hope you admire this decanter, Admiral?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Gallant Admiral.</span>—"Ah! it's not the vessel I am admiring...."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Fair Hostess.</span>—"I suppose it's the <i>port</i>?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Gallant Admiral.</span>—"Oh, no; it's the pilot." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_021.jpg" width="600" height="373" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">HAMPERED WITH A CONSCIENCE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Tommy</span> (<i>home from an afternoon party</i>).—"Mamma, darling, I've got a great favor to ask of you.... <i>Please</i> don't ask me <i>how I behaved</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_023.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">FELINE AMENITIES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Old Lady</span> (<i>to fashionable beauty, who has recently married the General</i>).—"And so that white-haired old darling is your husband! +What a good-looking couple you must once have been!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_025.jpg" width="600" height="365" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TAKING THE CHANCES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">The General.</span>—"I've brought you a new book, Aunt Emily, by the new French Academician. I'm told it's very good; but I've +not read it myself, so I'm not sure it's quite—a—quite correct, you know."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Aunt Emily.</span>—"My dear boy, I'm ninety-six, and I'll <i>risk</i> it!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_027.jpg" width="600" height="370" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TRIALS OF A PAINTER'S WIFE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Sir Binks</span> (<i>who always piques himself on saying just the right thing</i>).—"A—what I like so much about the milkmaid, dontcherknow, +is that your husband hasn't fallen into the usual mistake of painting a lady dressed up in milkmaid's clothes! She's so +unmistakably a milkmaid and nothing else, dontcherknow!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Painter's Wife.</span>—"I'm <i>so</i> glad you think so.... He painted her from <i>me</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_029.jpg" width="600" height="366" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">LADIES OF FASHION AND THEIR DOCTORS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>(<span class="smcap">Scene:</span> The Waiting-Room of a Fashionable Physician.)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Fair Patient</span> (<i>just ushered in</i>).—"What—<i>you</i> here, Lizzie? Why, ain't you <i>well</i>?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Second Ditto.</span>—"Perfectly, thanks! But what's the matter with <i>you</i>, dear?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">First Ditto.</span>—"Oh, nothing whatever! I'm as right as possible, dearest ...!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_031.jpg" width="600" height="405" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"BONJOUR, SUZON!"</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_033.jpg" width="600" height="414" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">RIVAL SMALL AND EARLIES</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_035.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">MOTHER'S DARLINGS</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_037.jpg" width="600" height="358" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DAYLIGHT WISDOM</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Elder Sister.</span>—"Oh! he proposed after supper, did he—after dancing with you all night—and you refused him? Quite right! +My dear child, never believe in <i>any</i> proposal until the young man calls at eleven in the morning and asks you to be his wife!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_039.jpg" width="600" height="399" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN UNAPPRECIATED COMPLIMENT</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Good-night, Miss Maud!"</p> + +<p>"I'm <i>not</i> Miss Maud."</p> + +<p>"Miss <i>Ethel</i>, I mean. Won't you shake hands with me? How ungrateful of you! and just after I've been taking you for your +lovely sister, too." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_041.jpg" width="600" height="362" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">LE MONDE OÙ L'ON S'ENNUIE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"I see a tent. I wonder what's going on inside? Let's go and see...."</p> + +<p>"What's the good of our going in there?"</p> + +<p>"What's the good of our stopping out here?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_043.jpg" width="600" height="373" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE TABLES TURNED</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Tired Daughters.</span>—"Don't you think we might <i>go</i> now, mamma? It's three o'clock."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Festive Mamma.</span>—"Oh, that's not so <i>very</i> late, darlings.... Mayn't I have <i>one</i> more dance?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_045.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A SLEEPY HOLLOW IN THE OLD COUNTRY<br /> +(The Common Room at St. Morpheus, Oxbridge.)</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">First Tutor</span> (<i>waking up, and languidly helping himself to his modest glass of claret</i>).—"Ah! I like a little sleep after dinner.... It +makes one ready for one's wine!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Second Tutor.</span>—"Well, <i>I</i> like a little sleep <i>before</i> dinner best!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Master.</span>—"Pooh! Talk to me of the after-breakfast sleep in term-time! That's what <i>I</i> enjoy!!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_047.jpg" width="600" height="386" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TAKING ONE TOO MUCH AT ONE'S WORD</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Won't you play us something, Mr. Spinks?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Musical Amateur</span> (<i>who thinks a good deal of himself, in spite of his modesty</i>).—"Oh, don't ask me—you are all such first-rate +performers here—and you play such good music, too."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Well, but we like a little <i>variety</i>, you know." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_049.jpg" width="600" height="422" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE ENGLISH TAKE THEIR PLEASURES SADLY</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_051.jpg" width="600" height="388" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A DAUGHTER OF HETH</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Lionel.</span>—"Oh, I <i>say</i>, Benjamin! how splendid your wife is looking! <i>She</i> pays for dressing, if you <i>like</i>!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Benjamin.</span>—"<i>Does</i> she, my boy? I only wish she <i>did</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_053.jpg" width="600" height="386" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A QUESTION OF AGE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Teddy.</span>—"How old are you, Aunt Milly?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Aunt Milly</span> (<i>who owns to 35</i>).—"Oh, Teddy, almost a hundred!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Teddy.</span>—"Auntie, I can't believe you! I'd believe you if you'd said fifty!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_055.jpg" width="600" height="426" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">BREAKFAST AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"A southerly wind and a cloudy sky proclaim a hunting morning." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_057.jpg" width="600" height="375" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">BUSINESS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Sir Bedivere de Vere.</span>—"Oh, I say. How you do chaff! You never take me seriously!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">American Belle.</span>—"You never asked me!" (<i>No cards.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_059.jpg" width="600" height="363" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DOMESTIC ECONOMY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mater.</span>—"Papa, dear, do you know a halfpenny weekly paper called <i>Flipbutts</i>?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Pater.</span>—"Never heard of it in my life!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mater.</span>—"Well, it offers ninepence a column for answering questions, and they <i>are</i> so difficult, and we <i>do</i> so want to make a little +money! Do leave off your novel and help us a little." (<i>Pater can only write two novels a year, but gets £10,000 for each of them.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_061.jpg" width="600" height="374" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">WHAT INDUCED HIM TO MARRY HER?</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Look! Here comes young Brummell Washington, with his bride. I wonder what on earth induced him to marry her?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"Oh, probably somebody bet him he wouldn't!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_063.jpg" width="600" height="355" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A CLAIM TO SOCIAL PRECEDENCE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"You must give your arm to Miss Malecho, William, and put her on your right, and make yourself as agreeable as you +possibly can!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Host.</span>—"Why, she's a person of no consequence whatever!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Oh, yes, she is! She's very ill-natured, and tells the most horrid lies about people if they don't pay her the very +greatest attention!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_065.jpg" width="600" height="367" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN INTRODUCTION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Auntie, darling, this is my new friend, Georgie Jones. He <i>is</i> nice. And isn't it funny, my birthday is the ninth of January, +and his is the tenth, so you see we only just escaped being twins!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_067.jpg" width="400" height="596" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">BANJONALITIES<br /> +(The Freemasonry of Art.)</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"I beg your pardon—but—er +would you be so kind as to give +me the 'G'?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"Oh, certainly." (<i>Gives it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Thanks, awfully!" (<i>Bows +and proceeds on his way.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_069.jpg" width="600" height="357" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TEUTONIC SATIRE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Oh, <i>pray</i> don't leave off, Herr Rosencranz. That was a lovely song you just began!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Eminent Barytone.</span>—"Yes, matame, bot it tit not harmonise viz de cheneral gonferzation. It is in <i>B vlat</i>, and you and all your vrents +are talking in <i>G</i>. I haf a zong in <i>F</i> and a zong in <i>A sharp</i>, bot I haf no zong in <i>G</i>!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Accompanist.</span>—"Ach! Berhaps, to opliche matame, I could dransbose de aggombaniments—ja?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_071.jpg" width="600" height="361" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">REASONING FROM INDUCTION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Look, Geoffrey! That's Lady Emily Tomlinson. Isn't she pretty?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. And I s'pose that's <i>Lord</i> Emily walking with her!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_073.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THOSE INFELICITOUS SPEECHES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Professor Boreham.</span>—"What! alone, Mrs. Highflyer? Your husband is not ill, I trust!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Highflyer</span> (<i>innocently</i>).—"Oh no; but he was afraid he might be, if he came here!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_075.jpg" width="600" height="380" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SOCIAL PERSEVERANCE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Onslow-Pushington.</span>—"What a very singular woman Lady Masham <i>is</i>, Professor! I have called on her every +Wednesday this month, and the footman (who knows me perfectly) always said she was out, though Wednesday's her day at +home, and there were lots of carriages at the door! She never calls on me—never! And when I bow to her, as I always do, +she always looks another way, as she did just now. I must really call again next Wednesday." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_077.jpg" width="400" height="562" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE LAST STRAW!</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"What's the matter, dearest? You +look sad...."</p> + +<p>"Oh, everything's going wrong. The +children are ill in bed, and nurse +has got the influenza, and my husband +declares that ruin is staring +us in the face, and I've got an unbecoming +frock, and altogether I'm +thoroughly depressed...."</p> + +<p class="right">(<i>Breaks down.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_079.jpg" width="600" height="413" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">JUST IN TIME FOR A CUP OF TEA</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_081.jpg" width="600" height="369" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">FELINE AMENITIES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">The Misses Tiptylte.</span>—"Such fun! We're going to Mrs. Masham's fancy ball as Cinderella's ugly sisters—with false noses, you know!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Aquila Sharpe.</span>—"What a capital idea! But why false noses?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_083.jpg" width="600" height="372" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">NEIGHBORLY COMPLIMENTS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Tell me, Mrs. Jones, who's that young Adonis your married daughter is looking up to so eagerly?"</p> + +<p>"Her <i>husband</i>, Mrs. Snarley!"</p> + +<p>"Dear me, you don't say so! I congratulate you.... Now I understand how you come to have such good-looking grandchildren." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_085.jpg" width="600" height="362" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">GENTLE TERRORISM</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">The Professor.</span>—"Will you give me a kiss, my dear?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>an habitually naughty girl</i>).—"Oh, mammie.... I'll be <i>good</i>, I'll be <i>good</i>.... I promise!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_087.jpg" width="400" height="586" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN UNPLEASANT SOCIAL DUTY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Geoffrey, I want you to +dance with that little girl!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Geoffrey.</span>—"Oh, well, if I must, I +<i>must</i> ...!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_089.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">STREET DIALECTICS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Brown</span> (<i>who was all but run over</i>).—"Why didn't you call out <i>sooner</i>, you stupid ass?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cabby.</span>—"I <i>did</i>, sir!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Brown.</span>—"Why didn't you call out <i>louder</i>, then?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cabby.</span>—"I <i>did</i>, sir!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_091.jpg" width="600" height="367" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">EQUAL TO THE OCCASION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Gushington.</span>—"Oh! oh! what a lovely, <i>lovely</i> picture! So true, so...."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Our Artist.</span>—"Wait a bit, Mrs. Gushington—it's wrong side up.... Let me put it right first ...!" (<i>Does so.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Gushington</span> (<i>unabashed</i>).—"Oh! oh! oh! Why, <i>that</i> way it's even more lovely still!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_093.jpg" width="600" height="414" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">PRECEDENCE AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL DURING THE HOLIDAYS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>Grandpapa takes the bride in to dinner, and the rest follow anyhow. </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_095.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">HISTRIONIC EGOTISM</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Our Pet Actor</span> (<i>just arrived</i>).—"By Jove—these good people all seem to know me very well—nodding and smiling"—(<i>nods +and smiles himself, right and left</i>)—"uncommonly flattering, I'm sure—considering I've never set foot in the town before!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Our Pet Artist</span> (<i>his chum</i>).—"I'm afraid it's <i>me</i> they're nodding and smiling at, old man! I come every year, you know—and +know every soul in the place!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_097.jpg" width="400" height="555" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A STATELY STAIRCASE WINDS +AROUND A LARGE HALL</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_099.jpg" width="600" height="377" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">HOW REPUTATIONS OF DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS ARE SOMETIMES MADE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Herr Silbermund</span> (the Great Pianist) <span class="smcap">to Mrs. Tattler.</span>—"Ach, Lady Creichton has for <i>bainting</i> der most remârrgaple chênius. +Look at <i>dis</i>! It is eqval to Felasquez!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">M. Languedor</span> (the Famous Painter) <span class="smcap">to Miss Gushington.</span>—"Ah! For ze music, Miladi Crétonne has a talent kvite exceptionnel. +Listen to <i>zat</i>! It surpass Madame Schumann!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_101.jpg" width="400" height="592" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">EOTHEN</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Cook's Tourist</span> (<i>female</i>).—"What's +that jagged white line on the horizon, +I wonder?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cook's Tourist</span> (<i>male</i>).—"<i>Snow</i>, +probably!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cook's Tourist</span> (<i>female</i>).—"Ah! +that's much more likely! I heard +the captain saying it was <i>Greece</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;"> +<img src="images/i_103.jpg" width="371" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE DANCING MAN OF THE PERIOD</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Been dancin' at all?"</p> + +<p>"Dancin'? Not I! Catch me dancin' +in a house where there ain't a +smokin'-room! I'm off, directly!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_105.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">UNCONSCIOUS CYNICISM</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"It's such years since we met that perhaps you never heard of my marriage?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"No, indeed! Is it—er—recent enough for congratulations?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_107.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">UNLUCKY SPEECHES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"What a disagreeable thing that insomnia must be! Very trying, I think! Do <i>you</i> ever suffer from it, Captain Spinks?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Oh, dear, no. I can sleep anywhere, at any time! Could go off <i>this moment</i>, I assure you ...!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_109.jpg" width="400" height="587" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">FIN DE SIÈCLE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"That's where poor Mrs. Wilkins +used to live!"</p> + +<p>"Why '<i>poor</i>' Mrs. Wilkins?"</p> + +<p>"Well, her husband was killed in that +horrid railway accident, don't you +remember?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, but that was <i>months</i> ago!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_111.jpg" width="600" height="382" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A CUP OF TEA AND A QUIET CIGARETTE AFTER LUNCH</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_113.jpg" width="600" height="365" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">PRECEDENCE IN VANITY FAIR</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>The lady guests go in to dinner with the host and young Sir John and young Sir James and the Hon. Dick Swiveller, while the +hostess naturally takes the arm of her nephew, Lord Goslin (<i>just from Eton</i>), so that, as the party is just two ladies short, Dr. Jones, +the great historian, and Professor Brown, the famous philologist (<i>whose wives have not been asked</i>), bring up the rear together.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Doctor.</span>—"Well, Professor, we may be of less <i>consequence</i> than the rest, but at all events we're the <i>oldest</i> and the most renowned!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_115.jpg" width="600" height="377" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THINGS ONE COULD WISH TO HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Puzzled Hostess.</span>—"I beg your pardon, Lord Bovril, but <i>will</i> you tell me whether I ought to take <i>your</i> arm, or Prince +Sulkytoff's, or the Duke's?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Lord Bovril</span> (Lord-Lieutenant of the County).—"Well—a—since you ask me, I must tell you that—a—as her Majesty's +representative, <i>I</i> am bound to claim the honor! But I hope you won't for a moment suppose that I'm fool enough—a—to care +<i>personally</i> one rap about that sort of thing!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_117.jpg" width="400" height="574" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DANCING MEN</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_119.jpg" width="600" height="372" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">ILL-CONSIDERED UTTERANCES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Well-Preserved Elderly Coquette.</span>—"Ah! Admiral, <i>what</i> a good time we had there, junketing and dancing and flirting! +It all seems like yesterday! Do you remember the Carew girls, and your old flame Lucy Masters, and that poor boy Jack Lushington, +who was so desperately in love with <i>me</i>?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Admiral.</span>—"Indeed I do, dear Lady Maria! And to think of their all dying ... years ago!... <i>And of old age, too!</i>" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_121.jpg" width="400" height="555" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN EQUIVOCAL COMPLIMENT</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Lady Prattler</span> (<i>a confirmed first-nighter, +to actor-manager</i>).—"I congratulate +you on your success last +night, Mr. McStamp!... How +good you were! It was all charmin'—so +light, so bright, so well put on +the stage!... And oh! <i>such nice +long entr'actes</i>, you know!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_123.jpg" width="600" height="374" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">PROFESSIONAL BEAUTIES OF THE PAST</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Housekeeper</span> (<i>showing visitors over historic mansion</i>).—"This is the portrait of Queen Catherine of Medici—sister to the +<i>Venus</i> of that name...." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_125.jpg" width="600" height="439" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE GONDOLETTE</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_127.jpg" width="600" height="376" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A FESTIVE PROCESSION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>Meet of the Four-in-Hand Club, Hyde Park, London. </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_129.jpg" width="600" height="365" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE JOYS OF HOSPITALITY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Jenkins.</span>—"Good heavens! Why, there's that brute Tomkins! The skunk! I wonder you can ask such a man to your house! +I hope you haven't put him near me at dinner, because I shall cut him dead."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Oh, it's all right. He told me all about you before you came in."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenkins.</span>—"Did he? What did he say about <i>me</i>, the ruffian?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"Oh, nothing much—merely what you've just been saying about <i>him</i>." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_131.jpg" width="600" height="402" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TOO KIND BY HALF</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Oh, I've long given up dancing for my <i>own</i> sake. I only dance now with those unlucky girls that don't get partners. +Who's that young lady behind you?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"My daughter."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Pray, introduce me!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_133.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN INFELICITOUS SPEECH</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Why, you're looking better already, Sir Ronald!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, thanks to your delightful hospitality, I've had everything my doctor ordered me: 'Fresh air, good food, agreeable society, +and cheerful conversation that involves no strain on the intellect!'" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_135.jpg" width="600" height="372" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DISAPPOINTMENTS OF LION-HUNTING</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Guardsman</span> (<i>gazing at the motley throng</i>).—"Any great literary or scientific celebrities here to-night, Lady Circe?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Lady Circe</span> (<i>who has taken to hunting Lions</i>).—"No, Sir Charles. The worst of celebrities in these democratic days is that +they won't come unless you ask their wives and families, too! So I ask the wives and families, and the wives and families come +in their thousands, if you please, and the celebrities stay at home and go to bed." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_137.jpg" width="400" height="565" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TWO ON A TOWER</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Jones</span> (<i>a rising young British architect</i>).—"Yes; +it's a charming old +castle you've bought, Mrs. Prynne, +and I heartily congratulate you on +being its possessor!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Fair California Widow</span> (<i>just settled +in the old country</i>).—"Thanks. +And now you must find me a <i>legend</i> +for it, Mr. Jones!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jones.</span>—"I'm afraid I can't manage +<i>that</i>; but I could add a <i>story</i>, if +that will do as well!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_139.jpg" width="600" height="363" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AT THE ZOO</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Tommy.</span>—"Why don't they have little shut-up houses? Why do they have open bars?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> (<i>who knows everything</i>).—"Oh! that's for them to see the people, of course!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_141.jpg" width="600" height="412" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">NATURE VERSUS ART</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>Just as Stodge is about to explain the recondite subtleties of his picture to a select circle of deeply interested and delightfully +sympathetic women, his wife comes in with the <i>baby</i>, confound it! </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_143.jpg" width="600" height="360" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A NEW READING OF A FAMOUS PICTURE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Oh, look, grandpapa! Poor things ... they're burying the baby!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_145.jpg" width="600" height="351" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">ANTE-POSTHUMOUS JEALOUSY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"<i>Isn't</i> Emily Firkinson a darling, Reginald?"</p> + +<p>"A—ahem—no doubt. I can't say much for her <i>singing</i>, you know!"</p> + +<p>"Ah! but she's so good and true—a perfect angel! I've known her all my life. I want you to <i>promise</i> me something, Reginald."</p> + +<p>"Certainly, my love!"</p> + +<p>"If I should die young, and you should ever marry again, promise, oh! promise me that it shall be Emily Firkinson!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_147.jpg" width="600" height="362" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess</span> (<i>to host, after dinner</i>).—"George, dear, how about asking Signor Robsonio and Signora Smithorelli to sing? They'll +be mortally <i>offended</i> if we <i>do</i>, and they'll be mortally <i>offended</i> if we <i>don't</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_149.jpg" width="600" height="378" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SOCIAL AGONIES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bloker.</span>—"Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you at breakfast, but I wanted to make <i>sure</i> of you. Mr. and Mrs. Dedleigh +Boreham are stopping with me for a few days, and I want you to come and dine to-morrow, or, if you are engaged, Wednesday; +or Thursday will do, or Friday or Saturday; or <i>any</i> day next week!"</p> + +<p>(<i>Mrs. Brown feebly tries to invent that they have some thoughts of sailing to Honolulu this afternoon, and that they have just +lost a relative, but breaks down ignominiously.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_151.jpg" width="400" height="568" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TRUE BLUE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"But doesn't hearing those brilliant +speeches sometimes make you +change your mind?"</p> + +<p>"My <i>mind</i>? Oh, often! But my +<i>vote</i>, <i>NEVER</i>!!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_153.jpg" width="600" height="386" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">NOUS AVONS CHANGÉ TOUT CELA</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">The Old Marquis of Carabas.</span>—"What, madam! There's your lovely but penniless daughter positively dying to marry +me; and here I am, willing to settle £20,000 a year on her, and give her one of the oldest titles in England, <i>and you refuse +your consent</i>!!!! By George, madam, in <i>my</i> young days it wasn't the mothers who objected to men of my sort. It was the +<i>daughters themselves</i>!!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_155.jpg" width="600" height="349" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SPEECHES ONE HAS TO LIVE DOWN</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Hostess.</span>—"So sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr. Green."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Visitor.</span>—"Oh, don't mention it. The anticipation, you know, is always so much brighter than the reality." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_157.jpg" width="600" height="375" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TOO CONSIDERATE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Brown.</span>—"Oh, Mrs. Smith, <i>do</i> have that sweet baby of yours brought down to show my husband. He's never seen it."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Brown.</span>—"Oh, pray, don't trouble on <i>my</i> account." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_159.jpg" width="600" height="410" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THINGS ONE WOULD HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Genial Hostess.</span>—"What, going already, Professor?... And <i>must</i> you take your wife away with you?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Professor</span> (<i>with grave politeness</i>).—"Indeed, madam, <i>I am sorry to say I MUST</i>!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_161.jpg" width="600" height="357" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">HAPPY THOUGHT</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_163.jpg" width="400" height="538" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">FLUNKYANA<br /> +(A Visit to the Portrait-Gallery of +Brabazon Towers.)</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Pardon me! But you have passed +over that picture in the corner. An +old Dutch master, I think."</p> + +<p>"Oh, <i>that</i>! 'The Burgermaster' it's +called By Rembrank, I b'lieve. It +ain't nothing much. Only a work +of hart. <i>Not one of the family, +you know!</i>" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_165.jpg" width="600" height="350" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"OH, DON'T YOU REMEMBER SWEET ALICE, BEN BOLT?"</span> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_167.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A WINDOW STUDY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">The Maiden.</span>—"Good-morning, Mr. Jones! How do you like my hyacinths?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Curate.</span>—"Well, they prevent me from seeing <i>you</i>! I should prefer <i>Lower</i> cinths!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_169.jpg" width="600" height="355" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SO ENGLISH, YOU KNOW!</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>The Miss Browns (<i>of "a good" Bayswater family</i>) playing "Buffalo Gals," with variations, on two American banjoes and an American +parlor-grand. </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_171.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">SOCIAL TARRADIDDLES</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Gushington</span> (<i>aside to her husband</i>).—"What a long, tiresome piece of music that was! Who's it by, I wonder?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Gushington.</span>—"Beethoven, my love."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Gushington</span> (<i>to hostess</i>).—"My <i>dear</i> Mrs. Brown, what <i>heavenly</i> music! How in every <i>bar</i> one feels the stamp of the greatest +genius the world has ever known!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_173.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">LOVE'S LABOR LOST</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"Oh, papa, we've all quite made up our minds <i>never to marry</i>, now we've got this beautiful house and garden!" +(<i>Papa has taken this beautiful house and garden solely with the view of tempting eligible young men to come and play lawn-tennis, etc., etc.</i>) </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_175.jpg" width="600" height="377" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE MARCH OF PROGRESS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"After all, there's nothing better than the wing of a chicken! <i>Is</i> there, General?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"I never tasted the wing of a chicken. I only know the <i>legs</i>! When I was <i>young</i>, you know, my <i>parents</i> always ate the +wings, and <i>now</i>, my <i>children</i> always do!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_177.jpg" width="600" height="368" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN INFELICITOUS QUESTION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Æsthetic Youth.</span>—"I hope by degrees to have this room filled with nothing but the most perfectly beautiful things...."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Simple-Minded Guardsman.</span>—"And what are you going to do with <i>these</i>, then?" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_179.jpg" width="600" height="357" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">I MUST HAVE THIS TOOTH OUT!</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p>"I must have this tooth out, it hurts so!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, <i>please</i> don't, or <i>I</i> shall have to wear it, as I do <i>all</i> of your left-off things!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_181.jpg" width="600" height="352" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">NEMESIS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Constantia</span> (<i>to old adorer, who has married for money</i>).—"And these are your children, Ronald? Oh!... how like their mother!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_183.jpg" width="600" height="386" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">TOO LATE</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"What! You haven't got a dance left?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">She.</span>—"No. It's past two o'clock! Why didn't you come earlier?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He.</span>—"Well, a feller must <i>dine</i>, you know!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_185.jpg" width="600" height="386" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">FEMININE PERVERSITY</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">She-Gossip</span> (<i>alluding to newly-wedded pair</i>).—"There go 'Beauty and the Beast,' as they are called! She <i>would</i> marry him. +Her parents strongly opposed the match, as you may imagine."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">He-Gossip</span> (<i>who flatters himself that he understands the sex</i>).—"By George! The parental opposition must have been strong +to make her marry such a ruffian as that!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_187.jpg" width="600" height="374" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">CONSOLATION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">De Snookke.</span>—"There goes Mrs. <i>Gatherum</i>! She never asks <i>me</i> to her parties! I suppose I am not <i>swell</i> enough!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Sympathetic Lady-Friend.</span>—"Oh, it can't be <i>that</i>! One meets the most rowdy people in London there." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i_189.jpg" width="400" height="568" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">CAPTAIN LELONGBOW</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Captain Lelongbow</span> (<i>a fascinating +but most inveterate romancer about +his own exploits</i>).—"Who's your +favorite hero in <i>fiction</i>, Miss Vera?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Vera.</span>—"<i>You</i> are!" </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_191.jpg" width="600" height="364" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">ÆSTHETICS</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Van Tromp.</span>—"Oh, Sir Charles! Modern English male attire is <i>too</i> hideous. Just look round ... there are only two decently +dressed men in the room!"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Sir Charles.</span>—"Indeed! And which are <i>they</i>, may I ask?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Van Tromp.</span>—"Well, I don't know <i>who</i> they are, exactly; but just now one seems to be offering the other a cup of tea."</p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_193.jpg" width="600" height="360" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">AN ACCOMMODATION</span> +</div> + +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Vocalist</span> (<i>to fair Stranger</i>).—"A—I'm going to sing '<i>Fain would I clasp thee closer, love</i>!' May I look at you while I am singing?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Fair Stranger.</span>-"Oh, certainly! Or at my grandmother." </p> +</blockquote><hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<img src="images/i_195.jpg" width="600" height="380" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"SVENGALI!... SVENGALI!... SVENGALI!"</span> +</div> + + + + + +<hr /> +<h3>BOOKS WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED</h3> + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<h2>GEORGE DU MAURIER</h2> + + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="80%" summary="Ads"> + +<tr><td align="left">PETER IBBETSON</td> +<td align="left"><span style='font-size:300%;font-weight:lighter;margin:0;line-height:1em;text-indent:0;'>{</span></td> +<td align="left">Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental<br />Three-Quarter Calf<br />Three-Quarter Levant</td> +<td align="right">$1 50<br />3 25<br />4 25</td></tr> + +<tr><td align="left">TRILBY</td> +<td align="left"><span style='font-size:300%;font-weight:lighter;margin:0;line-height:1em;text-indent:0;'>{</span></td> +<td align="left">Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental<br />Three-Quarter Calf<br />Three-Quarter Levant</td> +<td align="right">1 75<br />3 50<br />4 50</td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="4" align="left">THE MARTIAN (<i>Mr. Du Maurier's last work, now running as a serial in "Harper's Magazine," +began in the number for October, 1896</i>).</td></tr> + +<tr><td> </td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">TRILBY SOUVENIR. Photogravures in Portfolio</td> +<td align="center">8vo</td> +<td align="right">50</td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="left">IN BOHEMIA WITH DU MAURIER. By Moscheles</td> +<td align="center">8vo</td> +<td align="right">2 50</td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr style="width: 33%;" /> +<p class="center">Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York</p> + +<p class="center"><i>For sale by all booksellers, or will be mailed by the publishers on receipt of price.</i></p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 246px;"><br /> +<img src="images/i_back_cover.jpg" width="246" height="250" alt="Back Cover" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="tnotes"><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3> + +<div class="tnote"><p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired.</p></div> + +<div class="tnote"><p>In the Foreword, word "indefinitely" changed to "infinitely" (infinitely less amazing) +</p></div> + +<div class="tnote"><p>Caption for illustration A DAUGHTER OF HETH, name "BENJAMIM" changed to "BENJAMIN" +</p></div></div> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of English Society, by George Du Maurier + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ENGLISH SOCIETY *** + +***** This file should be named 38111-h.htm or 38111-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/1/1/38111/ + +Produced by Judith Wirawan, Chris Curnow and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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