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diff --git a/38106.txt b/38106.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..58c0959 --- /dev/null +++ b/38106.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9276 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Ingersollia, by Robert G. Ingersoll + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Ingersollia + Gems of Thought from the Lectures, Speeches, and + Conversations of Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, Representative + of His Opinions and Beliefs + +Author: Robert G. Ingersoll + +Editor: Elmo + +Release Date: November 22, 2011 [EBook #38106] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK INGERSOLLIA *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +INGERSOLLIA + +By Robert G. Ingersoll + +GEMS OF THOUGHT FROM THE LECTURES, SPEECHES, AND CONVERSATIONS OF COL +ROBERT G. INGERSOLL, REPRESENTATIVE OF HIS OPINIONS AND BELIEFS + +Edited By Elmo + +1882. + + + + +INGERSOLLIA + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll occupies a unique position. He is to a large +extent the product of his own generation. A man of the times, for the +times. He has had no predecessor, he will have no successor. + +Such a man was impossible a hundred years ago; the probabilities are +that a century hence no such man will be needed. His work needs only +to be done once. One such "voice crying in the wilderness" is enough +to stir the sluggish streams of thought, and set the reeds of the river +trembling. It was said of Edward Irving, when he went to preach in that +great wilderness of London, that he was "not a reed to be shaken by the +wind, but a wind to shake the reeds." It would not be flattery in any +sense if similar words were spoken concerning the man who has uttered +the words of this book. + +Daring to stand alone, and speak all the thought that is in him, without +the miserable affectation of singularity, Colonel Ingersoll has reached +a point from which he wields an influence both deep and wide over +thoughtful minds. For the last few years he has been sowing strange +seeds, with unsparing hand, in many fields; and probably no one is +more surprised than he is himself to find how thoroughly the ground was +prepared for such a seed-sowing. + +Time is much too precious to discuss the mere methods of the sowing. No +doubt many who have listened to this later Gamaliel, have been startled +and shocked by his bold, and sometimes terrific utterances; but after +the shock--when the nerves have regained their equilibrium--has come +serious, calm-questioning thought. And whoever sets men to asking +earnest questions, whoever provokes men to sincere enquiry, whoever +helps men to think freely, does the Man and the State and the Age good +service. This good service Colonel Ingersoll has rendered. He has sent +the Preachers back to a more careful and diligent study of the Bible; +he has spoken after such a fashion that Students in many departments +of learning have been compelled to reconsider the foundations on which +their theories rest. Above all, he has awakened thousands of thoughtless +people to the luxury of thinking, and he has inspired many a timid +thinker to break all bonds and think freely and fearlessly for himself. + +In referring some time ago to the subject matter of Colonel Ingersoll's +teachings, Prof. David Swing, of Chicago, laid special emphasis on +the point, that the man speaking and the thing spoken were entirely +separable, and that no wise criticism of these words could proceed, +unless this fact was kept in view. This word of caution is as timely as +it is wise. We are too much prone to judge the music by the amount of +gilding on the organ-pipes; we are too apt to forget that gold is gold, +whether in the leathern pouch of a beggar or the silken purse of a king. +The doubts expressed, the truths uttered, the questions proposed by the +so-called Infidel, demand of us that for their own sakes we give them +generous, patient audience. The point of supreme importance is, not +whether Mr. Ingersoll is an authority on the grave questions with which +he is pleased to deal, but are these teachings truth? "There's the rub." +If we are wise we shall judge the teachings rather than the teacher. + +Affrighted orthodox Christians are perpetually warning their young +friends against Mr. Ingersoll. He is portrayed as a very terrible +personage, going up and down to work sad havoc amongst the unsuspecting +youth of the Time. Orthodoxy would prove itself wiser, it would be +bolder, and it would give some slight guarantee for honesty, if it left +the man alone, and addressed itself seriously to the grave questions at +issue. Colonel Ingersoll shares with Huxley, Darwin and Herbert Spencer +the high distinction of being criticized most vehemently by those who +have never heard his voice, and have never carefully read a page of his +published works; and as is always the case in such circumstances, the +most absurd and exaggerated statements of what Mr. Ingersoll _never_ +said have become current, and the speaker has been transformed into a +very Gorgon of horror! + +But this is nothing new, this is one of the many tolls that every man +must be willing to pay who marches on the grand highway of freedom. + +The pages of this book deserve a careful study, and if it be true that +"out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh," we may judge from +what sort of a heart-fountain these streams have flowed. + +One purpose steadily kept in view in the editing of these pages has been +to present in compact and reasonable space, a thoroughly representative +consensus of the opinions and beliefs of Mr. Ingersoll. Ha has been +known chiefly by his severe attacks on theological orthodoxy; but +there are a thousand other questions on which he has spoken wise and +impressive words. There are few things in heaven and earth that his +"philosophy" has not embraced, The quiet life of the farm; the romance +and sanctity of home; the charm of childhood; the profound secrets of +philosophy; the horrors of slavery; the dreadful scourge of war; the +patriotism and valor of the soldiers of the Republic; the high calling +of statesmanship, churches and priests; infidels and christians; gods +and devils; orthodox and hetrodox; heaven and hell;--these, and a +thousand other questions have been discussed with wit, and wisdom and +matchless eloquence. This volume might have been increased to twice +or thrice its present size, and then there would have been material to +spare. But in these busy days economy of time is of great importance. +This is a book for busy men in a very busy generation. + +It is matter of some little surprise that Mr. Ingersoll should have +yielded--without protest--to the conventional use of the term "Infidel." +The general sense in which the word is used is a gross misrepresentation +of its accurate meaning. "Infidel," is the last word that ought to be +applied to any man who is loyal to his mind; whether that mind summer +in the light of steadfast belief, or wander through the mazy fields +of doubt. "What is Infidelity?" There is no man more able, none more +suitable than Col. Robert Ingersoll to rise and explain. + +Mr. Ingersoll has been called the Apostle of Unbelief. But the title +is a misnomer. His mouth is full to the lips of positive statements of +strong conviction. His creed has a thousand articles. He is above all +things the Apostle of Freedom. Freedom for Nations, for Communities, for +Men. Freedom everywhere! Freedom always! the zeal with which he blows +the trumpet of Liberty, the enthusiasm with which he waves the banner of +Freedom, reminds one of Tennyson's fine words:-- + + Of old stood Freedom on the heights, + The thunders breaking at her feet, + Above her shook the starry lights; + She heard the torrents meet. + Then stepped she down thro' town and field + To mingle with the human race, + And part by part to men revealed + The fullness of her face-- + Her open eyes desire the truth, + The wisdom of a thousand years + Is in them. May perpetual youth + Keep dry their light from tears; + That her fair form may stand and shine: + Make bright our days and light our dreams, + Tuning to scorn with lips divine + The falsehood of extremes! + + + + +THE ROMANCE OF FARM LIFE + + + + +1. Ingersoll as a Farmer + +When I was a farmer they used to haul wheat two hundred miles in wagons +and sell it for thirty-five cents a bushel. They would bring home about +three hundred feet of lumber, two bunches of shingles, a barrel of salt, +and a cook-stove that never would draw and never did bake. + +In those blessed days the people lived on corn and bacon. Cooking was +an unknown art. Eating was a necessity, not a pleasure. It was hard work +for the cook to keep on good terms even with hunger. We had poor houses. +The rain held the roofs in perfect contempt, and the snow drifted +joyfully on the floors and beds. They had no barns. The horses were kept +in rail pens surrounded with straw. Long before spring the sides would +be eaten away and nothing but roofs would be left. Food is fuel. When +the cattle were exposed to all the blasts of winter, it took all +the corn and oats that could be stuffed into them to prevent actual +starvation. In those times farmers thought the best place for the +pig-pen was immediately in front of the house. There is nothing like +sociability. Women were supposed to know the art of making fires without +fuel. The wood-pile consisted, as a general thing, of one log, upon +which an axe or two had been worn out in vain. There was nothing +to kindle a fire with. Pickets were pulled from the garden fence, +clap-boards taken from the house, and every stray plank was seized upon +for kindling. Everything was done in the hardest way. Everything about +the farm was disagreeable. + + + + +2. The Happy Life of the Farm + +There is a quiet about the life of a farmer, and the hope of a +serene old age, that no other business or profession can promise. +A professional man is doomed some time to find that his powers are +wanting. He is doomed to see younger and stronger men pass him in the +race of life. He looks forward to an old age of intellectual mediocrity. +He will be last where once he was the first. But the farmer goes as it +were into partnership, with nature--he lives with trees and flowers--he +breathes the sweet air of the fields. There is no constant and frightful +strain upon his mind. His nights are filled with sleep and rest. He +watches his flocks and herds as they feed upon the green and sunny +slopes. He hears the pleasant rain falling upon the waving corn, and the +trees he planted in youth rustle above him as he plants others for the +children yet to be. + + + + +3. The Ambitious Farmer's Boy + +Nearly every farmer's boy took an oath that he would never cultivate +the soil. The moment they arrived at the age of twenty-one they left +the desolate and dreary farms and rushed to the towns and cities. They +wanted to be book-keepers, doctors, merchants, railroad men, insurance +agents, lawyers, even preachers, anything to avoid the drudgery of the +farm. Nearly every boy acquainted with the three R's--reading, writing +and arithmetic--imagined that he had altogether more education than +ought to be wasted in raising potatoes and corn. They made haste to get +into some other business. Those who stayed upon the farm envied those +who went away. + + + + +4. Never Be Afraid of Work! + +There are hundreds of graduates of Yale and Harvard and other colleges +who are agents of sewing machines, solicitors for insurance, clerks and +copyists, in short, performing a hundred varieties of menial service. +They seem willing to do anything that is not regarded as work--anything +that can be done in a town, in the house, in an office, but they avoid +farming as they would leprosy. Nearly every young man educated in this +way is simply ruined. + +Boys and girls should be educated to help themselves; they should be +taught that it is disgraceful to be seen idle, and dishonorable to be +useless. + + + + +5. Happiness the Object of Life + +Remember, I pray you, that you are in partnership with all labor--that +you should join hands with all the sons and daughters of toil, and that +all who work belong to the same noble family. + +Happiness should be the object of life, and if life on the farm can be +made really happy, the children will grow up in love with the meadows, +the streams, the woods and the old home. Around the farm will cling and +cluster the happy memories of the delight-ful years. + + + + +6. The Sunset of the Farmer's Life + +For my part, I envy the man who has lived on the same broad acres from +his boyhood, who cultivates the fields where in youth he played, and +lives where his father lived and died. I can imagine no sweeter way to +end one's life than in the quiet of the country, out of the mad race +for money, place and power--far from the demands of business--out of the +dusty highway where fools struggle and strive for the hoi ow praise of +other fools. Surrounded by these pleasant fields and faithful friends, +by those I have loved, I hope to end my days. + + + + +7. Farmers, Protect Yourselves! + +The farmers should vote only for such men as are able and willing to +guard and advance the interests of labor. We should know better than +to vote for men who will deliberately put a tariff of three dollars +a thousand upon Canada lumber, when every farmer in the States is a +purchaser of lumber. People who live upon the prairies ought to vote for +cheap lumber. We should protect ourselves. We ought to have intelligence +enough to know what we want and how to get it. The real laboring men of +this country can succeed if they are united. By laboring men, I do not +mean only the farmers. I mean all who contribute in some way to the +general welfare. + + + + +8. Roast the Beef, Not the Cook. + +Farmers should live like princes. Eat the best things you raise and sell +the rest. Have good things to cook and good things to cook with. Of all +people in our country, you should live the best. Throw your miserable +little stoves out of the window. Get ranges, and have them so built that +your wife need not burn her face off to get you a breakfast. Do not make +her cook in a kitchen hot as the orthodox perdition. The beef, not the +cook, should be roasted. It is just as easy to have things convenient +and right as to have them any other way. + + + + +9. Cultivated Farmers. + +There is no reason why farmers should not be the kindest and most +cultivated of men. There is nothing in plowing the fields to make men +cross, cruel and crabbed. To look upon the sunny slopes covered with +daisies does not tend to make men unjust. Whoever labors for the +happiness of those he loves, elevates himself, no matter whether he +works in the dreary shop or the perfumed field. + + + + +10. The Wages of Slovenly Farming. + +Nothing was kept in order. Nothing was preserved. The wagons stood +in the sun and rain, and the plows rusted in the fields. There was +no leisure, no feeling that the work was done. It was all labor and +weariness and vexation of spirit. The crops were destroyed by wandering +herds, or they were put in too late, or too early, or they were blown +down, or caught by the frost, or devoured by bugs, or stung by flies, +or eaten by worms, or carried away by birds, or dug up by gophers, or +washed away by floods, or dried up by the sun, or rotted in the stack, +or heated in the crib, or they all ran to vines, or tops, or straw, or +cobs. And when in spite of all these accidents that lie in wait between +the plow and reaper, they did succeed in raising a good crop and a high +price was offered, then the roads would be impassable. And when the +roads got good, then the prices went down. Everything worked together +for evil. + + + + +11. The Farmer's Happy Winter + +I can imagine no condition that carries with it such a promise of joy +as that of the farmer in early winter. He has his cellar filled--he had +made every preparation for the days of snow and storm--he looks forward +to three months of ease and rest; to three months of fireside content; +three months with wife and children; three months of long, delightful +evenings; three months of home; three months of solid comfort. + + + + +12. The Almighty Dollar + +Ainsworth R. Spofford--says Col. Ingersoll--gives the following facts +about interest: "One dollar loaned for one hundred years at six per +cent., with the interest collected annually and added to the principal, +will amount to three hundred and forty dollars. At eight per cent, it +amounts to two thousand two hundred and three dollars. At three per +cent, it amounts only to nineteen dollars and twenty-five cents. At ten +per cent, it is thirteen thousand eight hundred and nine dollars, or +about seven hundred times as much. At twelve per cent, it amounts +to eighty-four thousand and seventy-five dollars, or more than four +thousand times as much. At eighteen per cent, it amounts to fifteen +million one hundred and forty-five thousand and seven dollars. At +twenty-four per cent, it reaches the enormous sum of two billion, five +hundred and fifty-one million, seven hundred and ninety-five thousand, +four hundred and four dollars!" One dollar at compound interest, at +twenty-four per cent., for one hundred years, would produce a sum equal +to our national debt. + + + + +13. The Farmer in Debt + +Interest eats night and day, and the more it eats the hungrier it grows. +The farmer in debt, lying awake at night, can, if he listens, hear it +gnaw. If he owes nothing, he can hear his corn grow. Get out of debt, +as soon as you possibly can. You have supported idle avarice and lazy +economy long enough. + + + + +14. Own Your Own Home + +There can be no such thing in the highest sense as a home unless you own +it. There must be an incentive to plant trees, to beautify the grounds, +to preserve and improve. It elevates a man to own a home. It gives a +certain independence, a force of character that is obtained in no other +way. A man without a home feels like a passenger. There is in such a man +a little of the vagrant. Homes make patriots. He who has sat by his +own fireside with wife and children, will defend it. Few men have been +patriotic enough to shoulder a musket in defense of a boarding-house. +The prosperity and glory of our country depend upon the number of people +who are the owners of homes. + + + + +15. What to do with the Idlers + +Our country is filled with the idle and unemployed, and the great +question asking for an answer is: What shall be done with these men? +What shall these men do? To this there is but one answer: They must +cultivate the soil. Farming must be more attractive. Those who work +the land must have an honest pride in their business. They must educate +their children to cultivate the soil. + + + + +16. Farm-Life Lonely + +I say again, if you want more men and women on the farms, something must +be done to make farm-life pleasant. One great difficulty is that the +farm is lonely. People write about the pleasures of solitude, but they +are found only in books. He who lives long alone, becomes insane. + + + + +17. The Best Farming States + +The farmer in the Middle States has the best soil--the greatest return +for the least labor--more leisure--more time for enjoyment than any +other farmer in the world. His hard work ceases with autumn. He has the +long winters in which to become acquainted with his family--with his +neighbors--in which to read and keep abreast with the advanced thought +of his day. He has the time and means of self-culture. He has more time +than the mechanic, the merchant or the professional man. If the farmer +is not well informed it is his own fault. Books are cheap, and every +farmer can have enough to give him the outline of every science, and an +idea of all that has been accomplished by man. + + + + +18. The Laborers, the Kings and Queens + +The farmer has been elevated through science, and he should not forget +the debt he owes to the mechanic, to the inventor, to the thinker. He +should remember that all laborers belong to the same grand family--that +they are the real kings and queens, the only true nobility. + + + + +HOME AND CHILDREN + + + + +19. The Family the Only Heaven in this World + +Don't make that poor girl play ten years on a piano when she has no +ear for music, and when she has practiced until she can play "Bonaparte +Crossing the Alps," you can't tell after she has played it whether +Bonaparte ever got across or not. Men are oaks, women are vines, +children are flowers, and if there is any Heaven in this world it is +in the family. It is where the wife loves the husband, and the husband +loves the wife, and where the dimpled arms of children are about the +necks of both. + + + + +20. The Far-Seeing Eyes of Children. + +I want to tell you this, you cannot get the robe of hypocrisy on you so +thick that the sharp eye of childhood will not see through every veil. + + + + +21. Love and Freedom in a Cabin + +I would rather go to the forest far away and build me a little +cabin--build it myself and daub it with mud, and live there with my wife +aud family--and have a little path that led down to the spring, where +the water bubbled out day and night, like a little poem from the heart +of the earth; a little hut with some hollyhocks at the corner, with +their bannered bosoms open to the sun, and with the thrush in the air, +like a song of joy in the morning; I would rather live there and have +some lattice work across the window, so that the sunlight would fall +checkered on the baby in the cradle; I would rather live there and have +my soul erect and free, than to live in a palace of gold and wear the +crown of imperial power and know that my soul was slimy with hypocrisy. + + + + +22. The Turnpike Road of Happiness + +Whoever marries simply for himself will make a mistake; but whoever +loves a woman so well that he says, "I will make her happy," makes no +mistake; and so with the woman who says, "I will make him happy." There +is only one way to be happy, and that is to make somebody else so, and +you can't be happy cross-lots; you have got to go the regular turnpike +road. + + + + +23. Love Paying Ten Per Cent + +I tell you to-night there is on the average more love in the homes of +the poor than in the palaces of the rich; and the meanest hut with love +in it is fit for the gods, and a palace without love is a den only fit +for wild beasts. That's my doctrine! You can't be so poor but that you +can help somebody. Good nature is the cheapest commodity in the world; +and love is the only thing that will pay ten per cent, to borrower and +lender both. Don't tell me that you have got to be rich! We have all a +false standard of greatness in the United States. We think here that a +man to be great must be notorious; he must be extremely wealthy or his +name must be between the lips of rumor. It is all nonsense! It is not +necessary to be rich to be great, or to be powerful to be happy; and the +happy man is the successful man. Happiness is the legal-tender of the +soul. Joy is wealth. + + + + +24. A Word to the Cross-Grained + +A cross man I hate above all things. What right has he to murder the +sunshine of the day? What right has he to assassinate the joy of life? +When you go home you ought to feel the light there is in the house; +if it is in the night it will burst out of the doors and windows and +illuminate the darkness. It is just as well to go home a ray of sunshine +as an old, sour, cross curmudgeon, who thinks he is the head of the +family. Wise men think their mighty brains have been in a turmoil; they +have been thinking about who will be alderman from the Fifth ward; they +have been thinking about politics; great and mighty questions have been +engaging their minds; they have bought calico at eight cents or six, and +want to sell it for seven. Think of the intellectual strain that must +have been upon a man, and when he gets home everybody else in the house +must look out for his comfort. Head of the house, indeed! I don't like +him a bit! + + + + +25. Oh! Daughters and Wives be Beautiful + +I am a believer in fashion. It is the duty of every woman to make +herself as beautiful and attractive as she possibly can. "Handsome is +as handsome does," but she is much handsomer if well dressed. Every man +should look his very best. I am a believer in good clothes. The time +never ought to come in this country when you can tell a farmer's +daughter simply by the garments she wears. I say to every girl and +woman, no matter what the material of your dress may be, no matter how +cheap and coarse it is, cut it and make it in the fashion. I believe +in jewelry. Some people look upon it as barbaric, but in my judgment, +wearing jewelry is the first evidence the barbarian gives of a wish to +be civilized. To adorn ourselves seems to be a part of our nature, and +this desire, seems to be everywhere and in everything. I have sometimes +thought that the desire for beauty covers the earth with flowers. It +is this desire that paints the wings of moths, tints the chamber of the +shell, and gives the bird its plumage and its song. Oh! daughters and +wives if you would be loved, adorn yourselves--if you would be adorned, +be beautiful! + + + + +26. A Wholesome Word to the Stingy + +I despise a stingy man. I don't see how it is possible for a man to die +worth fifty millions of dollars or ten millions of dollars, in a city +full of want, when he meets almost every day the withered hand of +beggary and the white lips of famine. How a man can withstand all +that, and hold in the clutch of his greed twenty or thirty millions +of dollars, is past my comprehension. I do not see how he can do it. I +should not think he could do it any more than he could keep a pile of +lumber where hundreds and thousands of men were drowning in the sea. I +should not think he could do it. Do you know I have known men who would +trust their wives with their hearts and their honor, but not with their +pocketbook; not with a dollar. When I see a man of that kind I always +think he knows which of these articles is the most valuable. + + + + +27. The Boss of the Family + +If you are the grand emperor of the world, you had better be the grand +emperor of one loving and tender heart, and she the grand empress of +yours. The man who has really won the love of one good woman in this +world, I do not care if he dies a beggar, his life has been a success. +I tell you it is an infamous word and an infamous feeling--a man who is +"boss," who is going to govern in his family; and when he speaks let all +the rest of them be still; some mighty idea is about to be launched from +his mouth. Do you know I dislike this man? + + + + +28. Be Honor Bright! + +A good way to make children tell the truth is to tell it yourself. Keep +your word with your child the same as you would with your banker. Be +perfectly honor bright with your children, and they will be your friends +when you are old. + + + + +29. The Opera at the Table + +I like to hear children at the table telling what big things they have +seen during the day; I like to hear their merry voices mingling with the +clatter of knives and forks. I had rather hear that than any opera that +was ever put upon the stage. I hate this idea of authority. + + + + +30. A Child's laugh sweeter than Apollo's lyre + +I said, and I say again, no day can be so sacred but that the laugh of +a child will make the holiest day more sacred still. Strike with hand +of fire, oh, weird musician, thy harp, strung with Apollo's golden +hair; fill the vast cathedral aisles with symphonies sweet and dim, deft +toucher of the organ keys; blow, bugler, blow, until thy silver notes do +touch the skies, with moonlit waves, and charm the lovers wandering on +the vine-clad hills: but know, your sweetest strains are discords all, +compared with childhood's happy laugh, the laugh that fills the eyes +with light and every heart with joy; oh, rippling river of life, thou +art the blessed boundary-line between the beasts and man, and every +wayward wave of thine doth drown some fiend of care; oh, laughter, +divine daughter of joy, make dimples enough in the cheeks of the world +to catch and hold and glorify all the tears of grief. + + + + +31. Don't Wake the Children + +Let your children sleep. Do not drag them from their beds in the +darkness of night. Do not compel them to associate all that is tiresome, +irksome and dreadful with cultivating the soil. Treat your children with +infinite kindness--treat them as equals. There is no happiness in a home +not filled with love. When the husband hates his wife--where the wife +hates the husband; where the children hate their parents and each +other--there is a hell upon earth. + + + + +32. How to Deal with Children + +Some Christians act as though they thought when the Lord said, "Suffer +little children to come unto me," that he had a rawhide under his +mantle--they act as if they thought so. That is all wrong. I tell my +children this: Go where you may, commit what crime you may, fall to what +depths of degradation you may, I can never shut my arms, my heart or my +door to you. As long as I live you shall have one sincere friend; do not +be afraid to tell anything wrong you have done; ten to one if I have not +done the same thing. I am not perfection, and if it is necessary to sin +in order to have sympathy, I am glad I have committed sin enough to have +sympathy. The sterness of perfection I do not want. I am going to live +so that my children can come to my grave and truthfully say, "He who +sleeps here never gave us one moment of pain." Whether you call that +religion or infidelity, suit yourselves; that is the way I intend to do +it. + + + + +33. Give a Child a Chance + +Do not create a child to be a post set in an orthodox row; raise +investigators and thinkers, not disciples and followers; cultivate +reason, not faith; cultivate investigation, not superstition; and if +you have any doubt yourself about a thing being so, tell them about it; +don't tell them the world was made in six days--if you think six days +means six good whiles, tell them six good whiles. If you have any doubts +about anybody being in a furnace and not being burnt, or even getting +uncomfortably warm, tell them so--be honest about it. If you look upon +the jaw-bone of a donkey as not a good weapon, say so. Give a child a +chance. If you think a man never went to sea in a fish, tell them so, it +won't make them any worse. Be honest--that's all; don't cram their heads +with things that will take them years to unlearn; tell them facts--it +is just as easy. It is as easy to find out botany, and astronomy, and +geology, and history--it is as easy to find out all these things as to +cram their minds with things you know nothing about. + + + + +34. The Greatest Liars in Michigan + +I was over in Michigan the other day. There was a boy over there at +Grand Rapids about five or six years old, a nice, smart boy, as you will +see from the remark he made--what you might call a nineteenth century +boy. His father and mother had promised to take him out riding for about +three weeks, and they would slip off and go without him. Well, after +a while that got kind of played out with the little boy, and the day +before I was there they played the trick on him again. They went out and +got the carriage, and went away, and as they rode away from the front of +the house, he happened to be standing there with his nurse, and he +saw them. The whole thing flashed on him in a moment. He took in the +situation, and turned to his nurse and said, pointing to his father and +mother: "There go the two biggest liars in the State of Michigan!" When +you go home fill the house with joy, so that the light of it will stream +out the windows and doors, and illuminate even the darkness. It is just +as easy that way as any in the world. + + + + +35. Forgive the Children! + +When your child confesses to you that it has com mitted a fault, take +the child in your arms, and let it feel your heart beat against its +heart, and raise your children in the sunlight of love, and they will be +sunbeams to you along the pathway of life. Abolish the club and the whip +from the house, because, if the civilized use a whip, the ignorant and +the brutal will use a club, and they will use it because you use the +whip. + + + + +36. A Solemn Satire on Whipping Children + +If there is one of you here that ever expect to whip your child again, +let me ask you something. Have your photograph taken at the time, and +let it show your face red with vulgar anger, and the face of the little +one with eyes swimming in tears. If that little child should die I +cannot think of a sweeter way to spend an Autumn afternoon than to take +that photograph and go to the cemetery, where the maples are clad in +tender gold, and when little scarlet runners are coming, like poems of +regret, from the sad heart of the earth; and sit down upon that mound, +I look upon that photograph, and think of the flesh, made dust, that you +beat. Just think of it. I could not bear to die in the arms of a child +that I had whipped. I could not bear to feel upon my lips, when they +were withering beneath the touch of death, the kiss of one that I had +struck. + + + + +37. The Whips and Gods are Gone! + +Children are better treated than they used to be; the old whips and +gods are out of the schools, and they are governing children by love and +sense. The world is getting better; it is getting better in Maine. It +has got better in Maine, in Vermont. It is getting better in every State +of the North. + + + + +INDIVIDUALITY + + + + +38. Absolute Independence of the Individual + +What we want to-day is what our fathers wrote. They did not attain to +their ideal; we approach it nearer, but have not yet reached it. We +want, not only the independence of a state, not only the independence of +a nation, but something far more glorious--the absolute independence of +the individual. That is what we want. I want it so that I, one of the +children of Nature, can stand on an equality with the rest; that I can +say this is my air, my sunshine, my earth, and I have a right to live, +and hope, and aspire, and labor, and enjoy the fruit of that labor, as +much as any individual, or any nation on the face of the globe. + + + + +39. Saved by Disobedience + +I tell you there is something splendid in man that will not always mind. +Why, if we had done as the kings told us five hundred years ago, we +would all have been slaves. If we had done as the priests told us, we +would all have been idiots. If we had done as the doctors told us, we +would all have been dead. We have been saved by disobedience. We have +been saved by that splendid thing called independence, and I want to +see more of it, day after day, and I want to see children raised so they +will have it. That is my doctrine. + + + + +40. Intellectual Tyranny + +Nothing can be more infamous than intellectual tyranny. To put chains +upon the body is as nothing compared with putting shackles on the brain. +No god is entitled to the worship or the respect of man who does not +give, even to the meanest of his children, every right that he claims +for himself. + + + + +41. Say What You Think + +I do not believe that the tendency is to make men and women brave and +glorious when you tell them that there are certain ideas upon certain +subjects that they must never express; that they must go through life +with a pretense as a shield; that their neighbors will think much more +of them if they will only keep still; and that above all is a God who +despises one who honestly expresses what he believes. For my part, I +believe men will be nearer honest in business, in politics, grander in +art--in everything that is good and grand and beautiful, if they are +taught from the cradle to the coffin to tell their honest opinions. + + + + +42. I Want to Put Out the Fires of Hell + +Some people tell me that I take away the hope of immortality. I do not. +Leave heaven as it was! I want to put out the fires of hell. I want to +transfer the war from this earth to heaven. Some tell me Jehovah is God, +and another says Ali is God, and another that Brahma is God. I say, let +Jehovah, and Ali, and Brahma fight it out. Let them fight it out there, +and whoever is victor, to that God I will bow. + + + + +43. The Puritans + +When the Puritans first came they were narrow. They did not understand +what liberty meant--what religious liberty, what political liberty, was; +but they found out in a few years. There was one feeling among them that +rises to their eternal honor like a white shaft to the clouds--they were +in favor of universal education. Wherever they went they built school +houses, introduced books, and ideas of literature. They believed that +every man should know how to read and how to write, and should find out +all that his capacity allowed him to comprehend. That is the glory of +the Puritan fathers. + + + + +44. A Star in the Sky of Despair + +Every Christian, every philanthropist, every believer in human liberty, +should feel under obligation to Thomas Paine for the splendid service +rendered by him in the darkest days of the American Revolution. In the +midnight of Valley Forge, "The Crisis" was the first star that glittered +in the wide horizon of despair. Every good man should remember with +gratitude the brave words spoken by Thomas Paine in the French +Convention against the death of Louis. He said: "We will kill the king, +but not the man. We will destroy monarchy, not monarch." + + + + +45. Do not Shock the Heathen! + +You send missionaries to Turkey, and tell them that the Koran is a lie. +You shock them. You tell them that Mahomet was not a prophet. You shock +them. It is too bad to shock them. You go to India, and you tell them +that Vishnu was nothing, that Purana was nothing, that Buddha was +nobody, and your Brahma, he is nothing. Why do you shock these people? +You should not do that; you ought not to hurt their feelings. I tell you +no man on earth has a right to be shocked at the expression of an honest +opinion when it is kindly done, and I don't believe there is any God in +the universe who has put a curtain over the fact and made it a crime for +the honest hand of investigation to endeavor to draw that curtain. + + + + +46. I will Settle with God Myself + +They say to me, "God will punish you forever, if you do these things." +Very well. I will settle with him. I had rather settle with him than +any one of his agents. I do not like them very well. In theology I am a +granger--I do not believe in middlemen. What little business I have with +Heaven I will attend to myself. + + + + +47. I Claim my Right to Guess + +I claim, standing under the flag of nature, under the blue and the +stars, that I am the peer of any other man, and have the right to think +and express my thoughts. I claim that in the presence of the Unknown, +and upon a subject that nobody knows anything about, and never did, I +have as good a right to _guess_ as anybody else. + + + + +48. The Brain a Castle + +Surely it is worth something to feel that there are no priests, no +popes, no parties, no governments, no kings, no gods, to whom your +intellect can be compelled to pay reluctant homage. Surely it is a joy +to know that all the cruel ingenuity of bigotry can devise no prison, +no dungeon, no cell in which for one instant to confine a thought; that +ideas cannot be dislocated by racks, nor crushed in iron boots, nor +burned with fire. Surely it is sublime to think that the brain is a +castle, and that within its curious bastions and winding halls the +soul, in spite of all words and all beings, is the supreme sovereign of +itself. + + + + +49. I am Something + +The universe is all there is, or was, or will be. It is both subject and +object; contemplator and contemplated; creator and created; destroyer +and destroyed; preserver and preserved; and hath within itself all +causes, modes, motions, and effects. In this there is hope. This is a +foundation and a star. The infinite embraces all there is. Without the +all, the infinite cannot be. I am something. Without me the universe +cannot exist. + + + + +50. Every Man a Bight to Think + +Now we have come to the conclusion that every man has a right to think. +Would God give a bird wings and make it a crime to fly? Would he give me +brains and make it a crime to think? Any God that would damn one of his +children for the expression of his honest thought wouldn't make a decent +thief. When I read a book and don't believe it, I ought to say so. I +will do so and take the consequence like a man. + + + + +51. Too Early to Write a Creed + +These are the excuses I have for my race, and taking everything into +consideration, I think we have done extremely well. Let us have more +liberty and free thought. Free thought will give us truth. It is too +early in the history of the world to write a creed. Our fathers were +intellectual slaves; our fathers were intellectual serfs. There never +has been a free generation on the globe. Every creed you have got bears +the mark of whip, and chain, and fagot. + +There has been no creed written by a free brain. Wait until we have had +two or three generations of liberty and it will then be time enough to +seize the swift horse of progress by the bridle and say--thus far and +no farther; and in the meantime let us be kind to each other; let us be +decent towards each other. We are all travelers on the great plain we +call life, and there is nobody quite sure what road to take--not just +dead sure, you know. There are lots of guide-boards on the plain and you +find thousands of people swearing to-day that their guide-board is the +only board that shows the right direction. I go and talk to them and +they say: "You go that way, or you will be damned." I go to another and +they say: "You go this way, or you will be damned." + + + + +52. Every Mind True to Itself + +In my judgment, every human being should take a road of his own. Every +mind should be true to itself--should think, investigate and conclude +for itself. This is a duty alike incumbent upon pauper and prince. + + + + +PROGRESS + + + + +53. The Torch of Progress. + +In every age some men carried the torch of progress and handed it +to some other, and it has been carried through all the dark ages of +barbarism, and had it not been for such men we would have been naked +and uncivilized to-night, with pictures of wild beasts tattooed on our +skins, dancing around some dried snake fetish. + + + + +54. Gold makes a Barren Landscape + +Only a few days ago I was where they wrench the precious metals from +the miserly clutch of the rocks. When I saw the mountains; treeless, +shrubless, flowerless, without even a spire of grass, it seemed to me +that gold had the same effect upon the country that holds it, as upon +the man who lives and labors only for it. It affects the land as it +does the man. It leaves the heart barren without a flower of +kindness--without a blossom of pity. + + + + +55. A Grand Achievement + +There is nothing grander than to rescue from the leprosy of slander the +reputation of a great and generous name. There is nothing nobler than to +benefit our benefactors. + + + + +56. The Divorce of Church and State + +The Constitution of the United States was the first decree entered in +the high court of a nation, forever divorcing Church and State. + + + + +57. Professors + +Instead of dismissing professors for finding something out, let us +rather discharge those who do not. Let each teacher understand that +investigation is not dangerous for him; that his bread is safe, no +matter how much truth he may discover, and that his salary will not be +reduced, simply because he finds that the ancient Jews did not know the +entire history of the world. + + + + +58. Developement + +I thought after all I had rather belong to a race of people that came +from skulless vertebrae in the dim Laurentian period, that wiggled +without knowing they were wiggling, that began to develope and came up +by a gradual developement until they struck this gentleman in the dugout +coming up slowly--up--up--up--until, for instance, they produced such a +man as Shakespeare--he who harvested all the fields of dramatic thought, +and after whom all others have been only gleaners of straw, he who found +the human intellect dwelling in a hut, touched it with the wand of his +genius and it became a palace--producing him and hundreds of others I +might mention--with the angels of progress leaning over the far horizon +beckoning this race of work and thought--I had rather belong to a race +commencing at the skulless vertebrae producing the gentleman in the +dugout and so on up, than to have descended from a perfect pair, upon +which the Lord has lost money from that day to this. I had rather belong +to a race that is going up than to one that is going down. I would +rather belong to one that commenced at the skulless vertebrae and +started for perfection, than to belong to one that started from +perfection and started for the skulless vertebrae. + + + + +59. Poet's Dream + +When every church becomes a school, every cathedral a university, every +clergyman a teacher, and all their hearers brave and honest +thinkers, then, and not until then, will the dream of poet, patriot, +philanthropist and philosopher, become a real and blessed truth. + + + + +60. The Temple of the Future + +We are laying the foundations of the grand temple of the future--not the +temple of all the gods, but of all the people--wherein, with appropriate +rites, will be celebrated the religion of Humanity. We are doing what +little we can to hasten the coming of the day when society shall cease +producing millionaires and mendicants--gorged indolence and famished +industry--truth in rags, and superstition robed and crowned. We are +looking for the time when the useful shall be the honorable; and when +Reason, throned upon the world's brain, shall be the King of Kings, and +God of Gods. + + + + +61. The final Goal + +We do not expect to accomplish everything in our day; but we want to +do what good we can, and to render all the service possible in the +holy cause of human progress. We know that doing away with gods and +supernatural persons and powers is not an end. It is a means to the end; +the real end being the happiness of man. + + + + +62. The Eighteenth Century + +At that time the seeds sown by the great Infidels were beginning to +bear fruit in France. The people were beginning to think. The Eighteenth +Century was crowning its gray hairs with the wreath of Progress. On +every hand Science was bearing testimony against the Church. Voltaire +had filled Europe with light; D'Holbach was giving to the _elite_ +of Paris the principles contained in his "System of Nature." The +Encyclopedists had attacked superstition with information for the +masses. The foundation of things began to be examined. A few had the +courage to keep their shoes on and let the bush burn. Miracles began to +get scarce. Everywhere the people began to inquire. America had set an +example to the world. The word Liberty was in the mouths of men, and +they began to wipe the dust from their knees. The dawn of a new day had +appeared. + + + + +POLITICAL QUESTIONS + + + + +63. Liberty--Fraternity--Equality! + +All who stand beneath our banner are free. Ours is the only flag that +has in reality written upon it: Liberty, Fraternity, Equality--the three +grandest words in all the languages of men. Liberty: Give to every man +the fruit of his own labor--the labor of his hand and of his brain. +Fraternity: Every man in the right is my brother. Equality: The rights +of all are equal. No race, no color, no previous condition, can change +the rights of men. The Declaration of Independence has at last been +carried out in letter and in spirit. To-day the black man looks upon his +child and says: The avenues of distinction are open to you--upon your +brow may fall the civic wreath. We are celebrating the courage and +wisdom of our fathers, and the glad shout of a free people, the anthem +of a grand nation, commencing at the Atlantic, is following the sun to +the Pacific, across a continent of happy homes. + + + + +64. Liberty! + +Is it nothing to free the mind? Is it nothing to civilize mankind? Is it +nothing to fill the world with light, with discovery, with science? +Is it nothing to dignify man and exalt the intellect? Is it nothing to +grope your way into the dreary prisons, the damp and dropping dungeons, +the dark and silent cells of superstition, where the souls of men +are chained to floors of stone? Is it nothing to conduct these souls +gradually into the blessed light of day,--to let them see again the +happy fields, the sweet, green earth, and hear the everlasting music of +the waves? Is it nothing to make men wipe the dust from their swollen +knees, the tears from their blanched and furrowed cheeks? Is it nothing +to relieve the heavens of an insatiate monster, and write upon the +eternal dome, glittering with stars, the grand word--Liberty? + + + + +65. Ingersoll Not a Politician + +I want it perfectly understood that I am not a politician. I believe in +liberty, and I want to see the time when every man, woman and child will +enjoy every human right. + + + + +66. Civilization + +Civilization is the child of free thought. The new world has drifted +away from the rotten wharf of superstition. The politics of this country +are being settled by the new ideas of individual liberty, and parties +and churches that cannot accept the new truths must perish. + + + + +67. Cornell University + +With the single exception of Cornell, there is not a college in the +United States where truth has ever been a welcome guest. The moment one +of the teachers denies the inspiration of the Bible, he is discharged. +If he discovers a fact inconsistent with that book, so much the worse +for the fact, and especially for the discoverer of the fact. He must not +corrupt the minds of his pupils with demonstrations. He must beware +of every truth that cannot, in some way, be made to harmonize with the +superstitions of the Jews. Science has nothing in common with religion. + + + + +68. Church and School Divorced + +Our country will never be filled with great institutions of learning +until there is an absolute divorce between church and school. As long +as the mutilated records of a barbarous people are placed by priest and +professor above the reason of mankind, we shall reap but little benefit +from church or school. + + + + +69. Laws That Want Repealing + +All laws defining and punishing blasphemy--making it a crime to give +your honest ideas about the Bible, or to laugh at the ignorance of +the ancient Jews, or to enjoy yourself on the Sabbath, or to give your +opinion of Jehovah, were passed by impudent bigots, and should be at +once repealed by honest men. + + + + +70. Government Secular + +Our government should be entirely and purely secular. The religious +views of a candidate should be kept entirely out of sight. He should not +be compelled to give his opinion as to the inspiration of the bible, +the propriety of infant baptism, or the immaculate conception. All these +things are private and personal. He should be allowed to settle such +things for himself. + + + + +71. 1876! (1776?) + +In 1876, our forefathers retired God from politics. They said all +power comes from the people. They kept God out of the Constitution, and +allowed each State to settle the question for itself. + + + + +72. Candidates Made Hypocrites + +Candidates are forced to pretend that they are Catholics with Protestant +proclivities, or Christians with liberal tendencies, or temperance men +who now and then take a glass of wine, or, that although not members of +any church their wives are, and that they subscribe liberally to +all. The result of all this is that we reward hypocrisy and elect men +entirely destitute of real principle; and this will never change until +the people become grand enough to allow each other to do their own +thinking. + + + + +73. The Church and the Throne + +So our fathers said: "We shall form a secular government, and under the +flag with which we are going to enrich the air, we will allow every man +to worship God as he thinks best." They said: "Religion is an individual +thing between each man and his Creator, and he can worship as he pleases +and as he desires." And why did they do this? The history of the world +warned them that the liberty of man was not safe in the clutch and grasp +of any church. They had read of and seen the thumbscrews, the racks and +the dungeons of the inquisition. They knew all about the hypocrisy of +the olden time. They knew that the church had stood side by side with +the throne; that the high priests were hypocrites, and that the kings +were robbers. They also knew that if they gave to any church power, it +would corrupt the best church in the world. And so they said that power +must not reside in a church, nor in a sect, but power must be wherever +humanity is--in the great body of the people. And the officers and +servants of the people must be responsible. And so I say again, as +I said in the commencement, this is the wisest, the profoundest, the +bravest political document that ever was written and signed by man. + + + + +74. The Old Idea + +What was the old idea? The old idea was that no political power came +from, nor in any manner belonged to, the people. The old idea was that +the political power came from the clouds; that the political power came +in some miraculous way from heaven; that it came down to kings, and +queens, and robbers. That was the old idea. The nobles lived upon the +labor of the people; the people had no rights; the nobles stole what +they had and divided with the kings, and the kings pretended to divide +what they stole with God Almighty. The source, then, of political power +was from above. The people were responsible to the nobles, the nobles to +the king, and the people had no political rights whatever, no more than +the wild beasts of the forest. The kings were responsible to God, not to +the people. The kings were responsible to the clouds, not to the toiling +millions they robbed and plundered. + + + + +75. Liberty for Politicians + +I would like also to liberate the politician. At present, the successful +office-seeker is a good deal like the centre of the earth; he weighs +nothing himself, but draws everything else to him. There are so many +societies, so many churches, so many isms, that it is almost impossible +for an independent man to succeed in a political career. + + + + +76. Tax all Church Property + +I am in favor of the taxation of all church property. If that property +belongs to God, he is able to pay the tax. If we exempt anything, let +us exempt the home of the widow and orphan. The church has to-day +$600,000,000 or $700,000,000 of property in this country. It must cost +$2,000,000 a week, that is to say $500 a minute to run these churches. +You give me this money and if I don't do more good with it than +four times as many churches I'll resign. Let them make the churches +attractive and they'll get more hearers. They will have less empty pews +if they have less empty heads in the pulpit. The time will come when the +preacher will become a teacher. + + + + +77. The Source of Power + +The Declaration of Independence announces the sublime truth, that all +power comes from the people. This was a denial, and the first denial of +a nation, of the infamous dogma that God confers the right upon one man +to govern others. It was the first grand assertion of the dignity of the +human race. It declared the governed to be the source of power, and in +fact denied the authority of any and all gods. + + + + +78. The Best Blood of the Old Word come to the New + +The kings of the old world endeavored to parcel out this land to their +favorites. But there were too many Indians. There was too much courage +required for them to take and keep it, and so men had to come here +who were dissatisfied with the old country--who were dissatisfied +with England, dissatisfied with France, with Germany, with Ireland and +Holland. The king's favorites stayed at home. Men came here for liberty, +and on account of certain principles they entertained and held dearer +than life. And they were willing to work, willing to fell the forests, +to fight the savages, willing to go through all the hardships, perils +and dangers of a new country, of a new land; and the consequences was +that our country was settled by brave and adventurous spirits, by men +who had opinions of their own, and were willing to live in the wild +forests for the sake of expressing those opinions, even if they +expressed them only to trees, rocks, and savage men. The best blood of +the old world came to the new. + + + + +79. No State Church + +Happily for us, there was no church strong enough to dictate to the +rest. Fortunately for us, the colonists not only, but the colonies +differed widely in their religious views. There were the Puritans who +hated the Episcopalians, and Episcopalians who hated the Catholics, +and the Catholics who hated both, while the Quakers held them all in +contempt. There they were of every sort, and color, and kind, and how +was it that they came together? They had a common aspiration. They +wanted to form a new nation. More than that, most of them cordially +hated Great Britain; and they pledged each other to forget these +religious prejudices, for a time at least, and agreed that there should +be only one religion until they got through, and that was the religion +of patriotism. They solemnly agreed that the new nation should not +belong to any particular church, but that it should secure the rights of +all. + + + + +80. The Enthusiasts of 1776 + +These grand men were enthusiasts; and the world has only been raised +by enthusiasts. In every country there have been a few who have given +a national aspiration to the people. The enthusiasts of 1776 were the +builders and framers of this great and splendid government; and they +were the men who saw, although others did not, the golden fringe of the +mantle of glory, that will finally cover this world. They knew, they +felt, they believed they would give a new constellation to the political +heavens--that they would make the Americans a grand people--grand as +the continent upon which they lived. + + + + +81. The Church Must Have no Sword + +Our fathers founded the first secular government that was ever founded +in this world. Recollect that. The first secular government; the first +government that said every church has exactly the same rights and no +more. In other words our fathers were the first men who had the sense, +had the genius, to know that no church should be allowed to have a +sword; that it should be allowed only to exert its moral influence. + + + + +82. We are All of Us Kings! I want the power where some one can use +it. As long as a man is responsible to the people there is no fear of +despotism. There's no reigning family in this country. We are all of +us Kings. We are the reigning family. And when any man talks about +despotism, you may be sure he wants to steal or be up to devilment. If +we have any sense, we have got to have localization of brain. If we have +any power, we must have centralization. We want centralization of the +right kind. The man we choose for our head wants the army in one hand, +the navy in the other; and to execute the supreme will of the supreme +people. + + + + +83. Honesty Tells! + +In the long run the nation that is honest, the people that are +industrious, will pass the people that are dishonest, the people that +are idle; no matter what grand ancestry they might have had. + + + + +84. Working for Others. + +To work for others is, in reality, the only way in which a man can work +for himself. Selfishness is ignorance. Speculators cannot make unless +somebody loses. In the realm of speculation, every success has at least +one victim. The harvest reaped by the farmer benefits all and injures +none. For him to succeed, it is not necessary that some one should fail. +The same is true of all producers--of all laborers. + + + + +85. State Sovereignty + +I despise the doctrine of State sovereignty. I believe in the rights +of the States, but not in the sovereignty of the States. States are +political conveniences. Rising above States as the Alps above valleys +are the rights of man. Rising above the rights of the government even in +this Nation are the sublime rights of the people. Governments are good +only so long as they protect human rights. But the rights of a man never +should be sacrificed upon the altar of the State or upon the altar of +the Nation. + + + + +86. The King of America + +I am not only in favor of free speech, but I am also in favor of an +absolutely honest ballot. There is one king in this country; there +is one emperor; there is one supreme czar; and that is the legally +expressed will of the majority of the people. The man who casts an +illegal vote, the man who refuses to count a legal vote, poisons the +fountain of power, poisons the spring of justice, and is a traitor to +the only king in this land. I have always said, and I say again, that +the more liberty there is given away the more you have. There is room in +this world for us all; there is room enough for all of our thoughts; +out upon the intellectual sea there is room for every sail, and in the +intellectual air there is space for every wing. A man that exercises a +right that he will not give to others is a barbarian. A State that does +not allow free speech is uncivilized, and is a disgrace to the American +Union. + + + + +87. Years Without Seeing a Dollar! + +I have been told that during the war we had plenty of money. I never saw +it. I lived years without seeing a dollar. I saw promises for dollars, +but not dollars. And the greenback, unless you have the gold behind it, +is no more a dollar than a bill of fare is a dinner. You cannot make +a paper dollar without taking a dollar's worth of paper. We must have +paper that represents money. I want it issued by the government, and I +want behind every one of these dollars either a gold or silver dollar, +so that every greenback under the flag can lift up its hand and swear, +"I know that my redeemer liveth." + + + + +88. The Wail of Dead Nations + +A government founded upon anything except liberty and justice cannot and +ought not to stand. All the wrecks on either side of the stream of time, +all the wrecks of the great cities, and all the nations that have passed +away--all are a warning that no nation founded upon injustice can stand. +From the sand-enshrouded Egypt, from the marble wilderness of Athens, +and from every fallen, crumbling stone of the once mighty Rome, comes +a wail, as it were, the cry that no nation founded upon injustice can +permanently stand. + + + + +89. What the Republican Party Did + +I am a Republican. I will tell you why: This is the only free government +in the world. The Republican party made it so. The Republican party took +the chains from 4,000,000 of people. The Republican party, with the wand +of progress, touched the auction-block and it became a school-house; The +Republican party put down the rebellion, saved the nation, kept the old +banner afloat in the air, and declared that slavery of every kind should +be exterpated from the face of the continent. + + + + +90. Doings of Democrats + +I am opposed to the Democratic party, and I will tell you why. Every +State that seceded from the United States was a Democratic State. Every +ordinance of secession that was drawn was drawn by a Democrat. Every man +that endeavored to tear the old flag from the heaven that it enriches +was a Democrat. Every man that tried to destroy the nation was a +Democrat. Every enemy this great republic has had for twenty years has +been a Democrat. Every man that shot Union soldiers was a Democrat. +Every man that starved Union soldiers and refused them in the extremity +of death, a crust, was a Democrat. Every man that loved slavery better +than liberty was a Democrat. The man that assassinated Abraham Lincoln +was a Democrat. Every man that sympathized with the assassin--every +man glad that the noblest President ever elected was assassinated, was a +Democrat. + + + + +91. Photograph of a Democrat. + +Every man that wanted the privilege of whipping another man to make him +work for him for nothing and pay him with lashes on his naked back, was +a Democrat. Every man that raised blood-hounds to pursue human beings +was a Democrat. Every man that clutched from shrieking, shuddering, +crouching mothers, babes from their breasts, and sold them into slavery, +was a Democrat. Every man that impaired the credit of the United States, +every man that swore we would never pay the bonds, every man that swore +we would never redeem the greenbacks, every maligner of his country's +credit, every calumniator of his country's honor, was a Democrat. Every +man that resisted the draft, every man that hid in the bushes and shot +at Union men simply because they were endeavoring to enforce the laws +of their country, was a Democrat. Every man that wept over the corpse of +slavery was a Democrat. + + + + +92. I am a Republican, I Tell You! + +The flag that will not protect its protectors is a dirty rag that +contaminates the air in which it waves. The government that will not +defend its defenders is a disgrace to the nations of the world. I am +a Republican because the Republican party says, "We will protect the +rights of American citizens at home, and if necessary we will march +an army into any State to protect the rights of the humblest American +citizen in that State." I am a Republican because that party allows +me to be free--allows me to do my own thinking in my own way. I am a +Republican because it is a party grand enough and splendid enough and +sublime enough to invite every human being in favor of liberty and +progress to fight shoulder to shoulder for the advancement of mankind. +It invites the Methodist; it invites the Catholic; it invites the +Presbyterian and every kind of sectarian; it invites the free-thinker; +it invites the infidel, provided he is in favor of giving to every other +human being every chance and every right that he claims for himself. I +am a Republican, I tell you. + + + + +93. Recollect! + +Recollect it! Every man that tried to spread smallpox and yellow fever +in the North, as the instrumentalities of civilized war, was a Democrat. +Soldiers, every scar you have got on your heroic bodies was given you +by a Democrat. Every scar, every arm that is lacking, every limb that +is gone, every scar is a souvenir of a Democrat. I want you to recollect +it. Every man that was the enemy of human liberty in this country was a +Democrat. Every man that wanted the fruit of all the heroism of all the +ages to turn to ashes upon the lips--every one was a Democrat. + + + + +94. Give Every Man a Chance + +Now, my friends, thousands of the Southern people, and thousands of the +Northern Democrats, are afraid that the negroes are going to pass them +in the race for life. And, Mr. Democrat, he will do it unless you attend +to your business. The simple fact that you are white cannot save you +always. You have got to be industrious, honest, to cultivate a justice. +If you don't the colored race will pass you, as sure as you live. I am +for giving every man a chance. Anybody that can pass me is welcome. + + + + +95. Who Shall Rule the Country? + +Shall the people that saved this country rule it? Shall the men who +saved the old flag hold it? Shall the men who saved the ship of state +sail it? or shall the rebels walk her quarter-deck, give the orders +and sink it? That is the question. Shall a solid South, a united South, +united by assassination and murder, a South solidified by the shot-gun; +shall a united South, with the aid of a divided North, shall they +control this great and splendid country? Well, then, the North must +wake up. We are right back where we were in 1861. This is simply a +prolongation of the war. This is the war of the idea, the other was the +war of the musket. The other was the war of cannon, this is the war of +thought, and we have got to beat them in this war of thought, recollect +that. The question is, Shall the men who endeavored to destroy this +country rule it? Shall the men that said, This is not a nation, have +charge of the nation? + + + + +96. The Declaration of Independence + +The Declaration of Independence is the grandest, the bravest, and +the profoundest political document that was ever signed by the +representatives of the people. It is the embodiment of physical and +moral courage and of political wisdom. I say physical courage, because +it was a declaration of war against the most powerful nation then on the +globe; a declaration of war by thirteen weak, unorganized colonies; a +declaration of war by a few people, without military stores, without +wealth, without strength, against the most powerful kingdom on the +earth; a declaration of war made when the British navy, at that day the +mistress of every sea, was hovering along the coast of America, looking +after defenseless towns and villages to ravage and destroy. It was made +when thousands of English soldiers were upon our soil, and when the +principal cities of America were in the substantial possession of +the enemy. And so, I say, all things considered, it was the bravest +political document ever signed by man. + + + + +97. The World Grows Brighter. + +I have a dream that this world is growing better and better every day +and every year; that there is more charity, more justice, more love +every day. I have a dream that prisons will not always curse the earth; +that the shadow of the gallows will not always fall on the land; that +the withered hand of want will not always be stretched out for charity; +that finally wisdom will sit in the legislature, justice in the courts, +charity will occupy all the pulpits, and that finally the world will be +controlled by liberty and love, by justice and charity. That is my +dream, and if it does not come true, it shall not be my fault. + + + + +98. The Column of July + +I stood, a little while ago, in the city of Paris, where stood the +Bastile, where now stands the column of July, surmounted by the figure +of Liberty. In its right hand is a broken chain, in its left hand a +hammer; upon its shining forehead a glittering star--and as I looked +upon it I said, such is the Republican party of my country. + + + + +99. A Nation of Rascals + +Samuel J. Tilden says we are a nation of thieves and rascals. If that is +so he ought to be President. But I denounce him as a calumniator of +my country; a maligner of this nation. It is not so. This country is +covered with asylums for the aged, the helpless, the insane, the orphan, +the wounded soldiers. Thieves and rascals don't build such things. +In the cities of the Atlantic coast this summer, they built floating +hospitals, great ships, and took the little children from the +sub-cellars and narrow, dirty streets of New York city, where the +Democratic party is the strongest--took these poor waifs and put them in +these great hospitals out at sea, and let the breezes of ocean kiss the +rose of health back to their pallid cheeks. Rascals and thieves do not +do so. When Chicago burned, railroads were blocked with the charity of +the American people. Thieves and rascals did not do so. + + + + +100. We are a Great People + +We are a great people. Three millions have increased to fifty--thirteen +states to thirty-eight. We have better homes, and more of the +conveniences of life than any other people upon the face of the globe. +The farmers of our country live better than did the kings and princes +two hundred years ago--and they have twice as much sense and heart. +Liberty and labor have given us all. Remember that all men have equal +rights. Remember that the man who acts best his part--who loves +his friends the best--is most willing to help others--truest to the +obligation--who has the best heart--the most feeling--the deepest +sympathies--and who freely gives to others the rights that he claims for +himself, is the best man. We have disfranchised the aristocrats of the +air, and have given one country to mankind. + + + + +101. Mule Equality + +Suppose there was a great horse-race here to-day, free to every horse +in the world, and to all the mules, and all the scrubs, and all the +donkeys. At the tap of the drum they come to the line, and the judges +say "it is a go." Let me ask you, what does the blooded horse, rushing +ahead, with nostrils distended, drinking in the breath of his own +swiftness, with his mane flying like a banner of victory, with his veins +standing out all over him, as if a net of life had been cast around +him--with his thin neck, his high withers, his tremulous flanks--what +does he care how many mules and donkeys run on the track? But the +Democratic scrub, with his chuckle-head and lop-ears, with his tail full +of cockle-burs, jumping high and short, and digging in the ground when +he feels the breath of the coming mule on his cockle-bur tail, he is +the chap that jumps the track and says, "I am down on mule equality." My +friends, the Republican party is the blooded horse in this race. + + + + +102. Room for Every Wing. + +There is room in the Republican air for every wing; there is room on +the Republican sea for every sail. Republicanism says to every man: "Let +your soul be like an eagle; fly out in the great dome of thought, and +question the stars for yourself." + + + + +103. The Republican Platform. + +I am a Republican because it is the only free party that ever existed. +It is a party that had a platform as broad as humanity, a platform as +broad as the human race, a party that says you shall have all the +fruit of the labor of your hands, a party that says you may think for +yourself; a party that says no chains for the hands, no fetters for the +soul. + + + + +104. Our Government the best on Earth + +We all want a good government. If we do not we should have none. We +all want to live in a land where the law is supreme. We desire to live +beneath a flag that will protect every citizen beneath its folds. We +desire to be citizens of a government so great and so grand that it will +command the respect of the civilized world. Most of us are convinced +that our government is the best upon this earth. + + + + +105. Will the Second Century of America be as good as the First? + +Standing here amid the sacred memories of the first, on the golden +threshold of the second, I ask, Will the second century be as good +as the first? I believe it will because we are growing more and more +humane; I believe there is more human kind-ness and a greater desire +to help one another in America, than in all the world besides. We +must progress. We are just at the commencement of invention. The steam +engine--the telegraph--these are but the toys with which science has +been amusing herself. There will be grander things. There will be higher +and wider culture. A grander standard of character, of literature and +art. We have now half as many millions of people as we have years. +We are getting more real solid sense. We are writing and reading more +books. We are struggling more and more to get at the philosophy of +life--trying more and more to answer the questions of the eternal +Sphinx. We are looking in every direction. We are investigating, +thinking, working! The second century will be grander than the first. + + + + +SCIENCE + + + + +106. The Glory of Science. + +Science found agriculture plowing with a stick--reaping with a +sickle--commerce at the mercy of the treacherous waves and the +inconstant winds--a world without books--without schools--man denying +the authority of reason, employing his ingenuity in the manufacture +of instruments of torture, in building inquisitions and cathedrals. +It found the land filled with malicious monks--with persecuting +Protestants, and the burners of men. The glory of science is, that it is +freeing the soul--breaking the mental manacles--getting the brain out +of bondage--giving courage to thought--filling the world with mercy, +justice, and joy. + + + + +107. The Tables Turned + +For the establishment of facts, the word of man is now considered +far better than the word of God. In the world of science, Jehovah was +superseded by Copernicus, Galileo, and Kepler. All that God told +Moses, admitting the entire account to be true, is dust and ashes +compared to the discoveries of Des Cartes, La Place, and Humboldt. In +matters of fact, the Bible has ceased to be regarded as a standard. +Science has succeeded in breaking the chains of theology. A few years +ago, science endeavored to show that it was not inconsistent with the +Bible. The tables have been turned, and now, religion is endeavoring to +prove that the Bible is not inconsistent with science. The standard has +been changed. + + + + +108. Science Better than a Creed + +It seems to me that a belief in the great truths of science are fully as +essential to salvation, as the creed of any church. We are taught that +a man may be perfectly acceptable to God even if he denies the rotundity +of the earth, the Copernican system, the three laws of Kepler, the +indestructibility of matter and the attraction of gravitation. And we +are also taught that a man may be right upon all these questions, and +yet, for failing to believe in the "scheme of salvation," be eternally +lost. + + + + +109. The Religion of Science + +Every assertion of individual independence has been a step toward +infidelity. Luther started toward Humboldt,--Wesley, toward John Stuart +Mill. To really reform the church is to destroy it. Every new religion +has a little less superstition than the old, so that the religion of +science is but a question of time. + + + + +110. Science not Sectarian + +The sciences are not sectarian. People do not persecute each other on +account of disagreements in mathematics. Families are not divided about +botany, and astronomy does not even tend to make a man hate his father +and mother. It is what people do not know, that they persecute each +other about. Science will bring, not a sword, but peace. + + + + +111. The Epitaph of all Religions + +Science has written over the high altar its mene, mene, tekel, +UPHARSIN--the old words, destined to be the epitaph of all religions? + + + + +112. The Real Priest + +When we abandon the doctrine that some infinite being created matter +and force, and enacted a code of laws for their government, the idea +of interference will be lost. The real priest will then be, not the +mouth-piece of some pretended deity, but the interpreter of nature. From +that moment the church ceases to exist. The tapers will die out upon the +dusty altar; the moths will eat the fading velvet of pulpit and pew; +the Bible will take its place with the Shastras, Puranas, Vedas, Eddas, +Sagas and Korans, and the fetters of a degrading faith will fall from +the minds of men. + + + + +113. Science is Power + +From a philosophical point of view, science is knowledge of the laws +of life; of the conditions of happiness; of the facts by which we are +surrounded, and the relations we sustain to men and things--by means +of which, man, so to speak, subjugates nature and bends the elemental +powers to his will, making blind force the servant of his brain. + + + + +114. Science Supreme + +The element of uncertainty will, in a great measure, be removed from the +domain of the future, and man, gathering courage from a succession of +victories over the obstructions of nature, will attain a serene grandeur +unknown to the disciples of any superstition. The plans of mankind will +no longer be interfered with by the finger of a supposed omnipotence, +and no one will believe that nations or individuals are protected or +destroyed by any deity whatever. Science, freed from the chains of pious +custom and evangelical prejudice, will, within her sphere, be supreme. +The mind will investigate without reverence, and publish its conclusions +without fear. Agassiz will no longer hesitate to declare the Mosaic +cosmogony utterly inconsistent with the demonstrated truths of geology, +and will cease pretending any reverence for the Jewish scriptures. The +moment science succeeds in rendering the church powerless for evil, the +real thinkers will be outspoken. The little flags of truce carried by +timid philosophers will disappear, and the cowardly parley will give +place to victory--lasting and universal. + + + + +115. Science Opening the Gates of Thought + +We are not endeavoring to chain the future, but to free the present. We +are not forging fetters for our children, but we are breaking those our +fathers made for us. We are the advocates of inquiry, of investigation +and thought. This of itself, is an admission that we are not perfectly +satisfied with all our conclusions. Philosophy has not the egotism of +faith. While superstition builds walls and creates obstructions, science +opens all the highways of thought. + + + + +116. Stars and Grains of Sand + +We do not say that we have discovered all; that our doctrines are the +all in all of truth. We know of no end to the development of man. We +cannot unravel the infinite complications of matter and force. The +history of one monad is as unknown as that of the universe; one drop of +water is as wonderful as all the seas; one leaf, as all the forests; and +one grain of sand, as all the stars. + + + + +117. The Trinity of Science + +Reason, Observation and Experience--the Holy Trinity of Science--have +taught us that happiness is the only good; that the time to be happy is +now, and the way to be happy is to make others so. This is enough for +us. In this belief we are content to live and die. If by any possibility +the existence of a power superior to, and independent of, nature shall +be demonstrated, there will then be time enough to kneel. Until then, +let us all stand nobly erect. + + + + +118. The Old and the New Old ideas perished in the retort of the +chemist, and useful truths took their places. One by one religious +conceptions have been placed in the crucible of science, and thus far, +nothing but dross has been found. A new world has been discovered by the +microscope; everywhere has been found the infinite; in every direction +man has investigated and explored, and nowhere, in earth or stars, +has been found the footstep of any being superior to or independent +of nature. Nowhere has been discovered the slightest evidence of any +interference from without. + + + + +119. The Triumphs of Science + +I do not know what inventions are in the brain of the future; I do not +know what garments of glory may be woven for the world in the loom of +years to be; we are just on the edge of the great ocean of discovery. I +do not know what is to be discovered; I do not know what science will do +for us. I do know that science did just take a handful of sand and make +the telescope, and with it read all the starry leaves of heaven; I know +that science took the thunderbolts from the hands of Jupiter, and now +the electric spark, freighted with thought and love, flashes under the +waves of the sea; I know that science stole a tear from the cheek of +unpaid labor, converted it into steam, and created a giant that turns +with tireless arms the countless wheels of toil; I know that science +broke the chains from human limbs and gave us instead the forces of +nature for our slaves; I know that we have made the attraction of +gravitation work for us; we have made the lightnings our messengers; we +have taken advantage of fire and flames and wind and sea; these slaves +have no backs to be whipped; they have no hearts to be lacerated; they +have no children to be stolen, no cradles to be violated. I know that +science has given us better houses; I know it has given us better +pictures and better books; I know it has given us better wives and +better husbands, and more beautiful children. I know it has enriched +a thousand-fold our life; and therefore I am in favor of perfect +intellectual liberty. + + + + +120. What Science Found! + +It found the world at the mercy of disease and famine; men trying to +read their fates in the stars, and to tell their fortunes by signs and +wonders; generals thinking to conquer their enemies by making the sign +of the cross, or by telling a rosary. It found all history full of petty +and ridiculous falsehood, and the Almighty was supposed to spend most +of his time turning sticks into snakes, drowning boys for swimming on +Sunday, and killing little children for the purpose of converting their +parents. It found the earth filled with slaves and tyrants, the people +in all countries downtrodden, half naked, half starved, without hope, +and without reason in the world. + + + + +121. Science the only Lever + +Such was the condition of man when the morning of science dawned upon +his brain, and before he had heard the sublime declaration that the +universe is governed by law. For the change that has taken place we are +indebted solely to science--the only lever capable of raising mankind. +Abject faith is barbarism; reason is civilization. To obey is slavish; +to act from a sense of obligation perceived by the reason, is noble. +Ignorance worships mystery; Reason explains it: the one grovels, the +other soars. + + + + +SLAVERY + + + + +122. The Colonel Short of Words!!! + +I have sometimes wished that there were words of pure hatred out of +which I might construct sentences like snakes, out of which I might +construct sentences with mouths fanged, that had forked tongues, out of +which I might construct sentences that writhed and and hissed; then I +could give my opinion of the rebels during the great struggle for the +preservation of this nation. + + + + +123. Slavery in the Name of Religion + +Just think of it! Our churches and best people, as they call themselves, +defending the institution of slavery. When I was a little boy I used +to see steamers go down the Mississippi river with hundreds of men and +women chained hand to hand, and even children, and men standing about +them with whips in their hands and pistols in their pockets in the name +of liberty, in the name of civilization and in the name of religion! I +used to hear them preach to these slaves in the South and the only text +they ever took was "Servants be obedient unto your masters." That was +the salutation of the most merciful God to a man whose back was bleeding +that was the salutation of the most merciful God to the slave-mother +bending over an empty cradle, to the woman from whose breast a child +had been stolen--"Servants be obedient unto your masters." That was +what they said to a man running for his life and for his liberty through +tangled swamps and listening to the baying of blood-hounds, and when +he listened for them the voice came from heaven:--"Servants be obedient +unto your masters." That is civilization. Think what slaves we have +been! Think how we have crouched and cringed before wealth even! How +they used to cringe in old times before a man who was rich--there are so +many of them gone into bankruptcy lately that we are losing a little of +our fear. + + + + +124. The Patrons of Slavery + +It is not possible for the human imagination to conceive of the horrors +of slavery. It has left no possible wrong uncommitted, no possible crime +un-perpetrated. It has been practiced and defended by all nations in +some form. It has been upheld by all religions. It has been defended +by nearly every pulpit. From the profits derived from the slave trade, +churches have been built, cathedrals reared and priests paid. Slavery +has been blessed by bishop, by cardinal and by pope. It has received the +sanction of statesmen, of kings, of queens. Monarchs have shared in the +profits. Clergymen have taken their part of the spoil, reciting passages +of scripture in its defense, and judges have taken their portion in the +name of equity and law. + + + + +125. A Colored Man in Congress + +The world has changed! I have had the supreme pleasure of seeing a +man--once a slave--sitting in the seat of his former master in the +Congress of the United States. When I saw that sight, my eyes were +filled with tears. I felt that we had carried out the Declaration of +Independence, that we had given reality to it, and breathed the breath +of life into every word. I felt that our flag would float over and +protect the colored man and his little children--standing straight in +the sun--just the same as though he were white and worth a million! + + + + +126. The Zig-zag Strip + +I have some excuses to offer for the race to which I belong. My first +excuse is that this is not a very good world to raise folks in anyway. +It is not very well adapted to raising magnificent people. There's only +a quarter of it land to start with. It is three times better for raising +fish than folks; and in that one-quarter of land there is not a tenth +part fit to raise people on. You can't raise people without a good +climate. You have got to have the right kind of climate, and you have +got to have certain elements in the soil or you can't raise good people. +Do you know that there is only a little zig-zag strip around the world +within which have been produced all men of genius? + + + + +127. Black People have Suffered Enough + +In my judgment the black people have suffered enough. They have been +slaves for two hundred years. They have been owned two hundred years, +and, more than all, they have been compelled to keep the company of +those who owned them. Think of being compelled to keep the society of +the man who is stealing from you. Think of being compelled to live with +a man that stole your child from the cradle before your very eyes. Think +of being compelled to live with a thief all your life, to spend your +days with a white loafer, and to be under his control. + + + + +128. The History of Civilization + +The history of civilization is the history of the slow and painful +enfranchisement of the human race. In the olden times the family was a +monarchy, the father being the monarch. The mother and children were the +veriest slaves. The will of the father was the supreme law. He had the +power of life and death. It took thousands of years to civilize this +father, thousands of years to make the condition of the wife and mother +and children even tolerable. A few families constituted a tribe; the +tribe had a chief; the chief was a tyrant; a few tribes formed a nation; +the nation was governed by a king, who was also a tyrant. A strong +nation robbed, plundered and took captive the weaker ones. + + + + +129. Does God Uphold Slavery? + +Is there, in the civilized world, to-day, a clergyman who believes +in the divinity of slavery? Does the Bible teach man to enslave his +brother? If it does, is it not blasphemous to say that it is inspired +of God? If you find the institution of slavery upheld in a book said +to have been written by God, what would you expect to find in a book +inspired by the devil? Would you expect to find that book in favor of +liberty? Modern Christians, ashamed of the God of the Old Testament, +endeavor now to show that slavery was neither commanded nor opposed by +Jehovah. + + + + +130. Solemn Defiance + +For my part, I never will, I never can, worship a God who upholds the +institution of slavery. Such a God I hate and defy. I neither want his +heaven, nor fear his hell. + + + + +THE WAR + + + + +131. The Soldiers of the Republic + +The soldiers of the Republic were not seekers after vulgar glory. They +were not animated by the hope of plunder or the love of conquest. They +fought to preserve the blessings of liberty and that their children +might have peace. They were the defenders of humanity, the destroyers +of prejudice, the breakers of chains, and in the name of the future they +slew the monster of their time. + + + + +132. Honor to the Brave! + +All honor, to the Brave! They blotted from the statute books laws that +had been passed by hypocrites at the instigation of robbers, and tore +with indignant hands from the Constitution that infamous clause that +made men the catchers of their fellow men. They made it possible for +judges to be just, for statesmen to be human, and for politicians to be +honest. They broke the shackles from the limbs of slaves, from the souls +of martyrs, and from the Northern brain. They kept our country on the +map of the world and our flag in heaven. + + + + +133. What Were We Fighting For? + +Seven long years of war--fighting for what? For the principle that +all men were created equal--a truth that nobody ever disputed except +a scoundrel; nobody in the entire history of this world. No man ever +denied that truth who was not a rascal, and at heart a thief; never, +never, and never will. What else were they fighting for? Simply that in +America every man should have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit +of happiness. Nobody ever denied that except a villain; never, never. +It has been denied by kings--they were thieves. It has been denied by +statesmen--they were liars. It has been denied by priests, by clergymen, +by cardinals, by bishops and by popes--they were hypocrites. What else +were they fighting for? For the idea that all political power is vested +in the great body of the people. They make all the money; do all the +work. They plow the land; cut down the forests; they produce everything +that is produced. Then who shall say what shall be done with what is +produced except the producer? + + + + +134. The Revolution Consummated + +The soldiers of the Republic finished what the soldiers of the +Revolution commenced. They relighted the torch that fell from their +august hands and filled the world again with light. + + + + +135. Fighting Done!--Work Begun! + +The soldiers went home to their waiting wives, to their glad children, +and to the girls they loved--they went back to the fields, the shops and +mines. They had not been demoralized. They had been ennobled. They were +as honest in peace as they had been brave in war. Mocking at poverty, +laughing at reverses, they made a friend of toil. They said: "We saved +the nation's life, and what is life without honor?" They worked and +wrought with all of labor's sons, that every pledge the nation gave +should be redeemed. And their great leader, having put a shining hand of +friendship--a girdle of clasped and happy hands--around the globe, comes +home and finds that every promise made in war has now the ring and gleam +of gold. + + + + +136. Manhood worth more than Gold + +We say in this country manhood is worth more than gold. We say in this +country that without liberty the Nation is not worth preserving. I +appeal to every laboring man, and I ask him, "Is there another country +on this globe where you can have your equal rights with others?" Now, +then, in every country, no matter how good it is, and no matter how bad +it is--in every country there is something worth preserving, and there +is something that ought to be destroyed. Now recollect that every voter +is in his own right a king; every voter in this country wears a crown; +every voter in this country has in his hands the scepter of authority; +and every voter, poor and rich, wears the purple of authority alike. +Recollect it; and the man that will sell his vote is the man that +abdicates the American throne. + + + + +137. Grander than Greek or Roman. + +Grander than the Greek, nobler than the Roman, the soldiers of the +republic, with patriotism as taintless as the air, battled for the +rights of others; for the nobility of labor; fought that mothers might +own their babes; that arrogant idleness should not scar the back of +patient toil, and that our country should not be a many-headed monster +made of warring States, but a Nation, sovereign, great and free. Blood +was water; money, leaves, and life was common air until one flag floated +over a republic without a master and without a slave. + + + + +138. Let us Drink to the Living and the Dead + +The soldiers of the Union saved the South as well as the North. They +made us a Nation. Their victory made us free and rendered tyranny in +every other land as insecure as snow upon volcano lips. And now let us +drink to the volunteers, to those who sleep in unknown, sunken graves, +whose names are only in the hearts of those they loved and left--of +those who only hear in happy dreams the footsteps of return. Let us +drink to those who died where lipless famine mocked at want--to all the +maimed whose scars give modesty a tongue, to all who dared and gave to +chance the care and keeping of their lives--to all the living and all +the dead--to Sherman, to Sheridan and to Grant, the foremost soldiers of +the world; and last, to Lincoln, whose loving life, like a bow of peace, +spans and arches all the clouds of war. + + + + +139. Will the Wounds of the War be Healed? + +There is still another question: "Will all the wounds of the war be +healed?" I answer, Yes. The Southern people must submit, not to the +dictation of the North, but to the nation's will and to the verdict of +mankind. They were wrong, and the time will come when they will say +that they have been vanquished by the right. Freedom conquered them, and +freedom will cultivate their fields, educate their children, weave for +them the robes of wealth, execute their laws, and fill their land with +happy homes. + + + + +140. Saviours of the Nation + +They rolled the stone from the sepulchre of progress, and found therein +two angels clad in shining garments--nationality and liberty. The +soldiers were the Saviours of the Nation. They were the liberators of +men. In writing the proclamation of emancipation, Lincoln, greatest +of our mighty dead, whose memory is as gentle as the summer air,--when +reapers sing 'mid gathered sheaves,--copied with the pen what Grant and +his brave comrades wrote with swords. + + + + +141. General Grant + +When the savagery of the lash, the barbarism of the chain, and the +insanity of secession confronted the civilization of our century, the +question, "Will the great republic defend itself?" trembled on the +lips of every lover of mankind. The North, filled with intelligence and +wealth, products of liberty, marshalled her hosts and asked only for +a leader. From civil life a man, silent, thoughtful, poised, and calm; +stepped forth, and with the lips of victory voiced the nation's first +and last demand: "Unconditional and immediate surrender." From that +moment the end was known. That utterance was the real declaration of +real war and in accordance with the dramatic unities of mighty +events, the great soldier who made it, received the final sword of the +rebellion. The soldiers of the republic were not seekers after vulgar +glory; they were not animated by the hope of plunder or the love of +conquest. They fought to preserve the homestead of liberty. + + + + +MONEY THAT IS MONEY + + + + +142. Paper is not Money + +Some people tell me that the government can impress its sovereignty on +a piece of paper, and that is money. Well, if it is, what's the use of +wasting it making one dollar bills? It takes no more ink and no more +paper--why not make $1000 bills? Why not make $100,000,000 and all be +billionaires? If the government can make money, what on earth does it +collect taxes for you and me for? Why don't it make what money it wants, +take the taxes out, and give the balance to us? Mr. Greenbacker, suppose +the government issued $1,000,000,000 to-morrow, how would you get any of +it? + + + + +143. The Debt will be paid + +It will be paid. The holders of the debt have got a mortgage on a +continent. They have a mortgage on the honor of the Republican party, +and it is on record. Every blade of grass that grows upon this continent +is a guarantee that the debt will be paid; every field of bannered corn +in the great, glorious West is a guarantee that the debt will be paid; +all the coal put away in the ground, millions of years ago by the old +miser, the sun; is a guarantee that every dollar of that debt will be +paid; all the cattle on the prairies, pastures and plains, every one of +them is a guarantee that this debt will be paid; every pine standing +in the sombre forests of the North, waiting for the woodman's axe, is +a guarantee that this debt will be paid; all the gold and silver hid in +the Sierra Nevadas, waiting for the miner's pick, is a guarantee that +the debt will be paid; every locomotive, with its muscles of iron and +breath of flame, and all the boys and girls bending over their books at +school, every dimpled child in the cradle, every good man and every good +woman, and every man that votes the Republican ticket, is a guarantee +that the debt will be paid. + + + + +144. 1873 to 1879! + +No man can imagine, all the languages of the world cannot express, what +the people of the United States suffered from 1873 to 1879. Men who +considered themselves millionaires found that they were beggars; men +living in palaces, supposing they had enough to give sunshine to the +winter of their age, supposing they had enough to have all they loved +in affluence and comfort, suddenly found that they were mendicants with +bonds, stocks, mortgages, all turned to ashes in their aged, trembling +hands. + +The chimneys grew cold, the fires in furnaces went out, the poor +families were turned adrift, and the highways of the United States were +crowded with tramps. Into the home of the poor crept the serpent of +temptation, and whispered in the ear of poverty the terrible word +"repudiation." + + + + +145. A Voter because a Man + +A man does not vote in this country simply because he is rich; he does +not vote in this country simply because he has an education; he does +not vote simply because he has talent or genius; we say that he votes +because he is a man, and that he has his manhood to support; and we +admit in this country that nothing can be more valuable to any human +being than his manhood, and for that reason we put poverty on an +equality with wealth. + + + + +146. Keep the Flag in Heaven! + +If you are a German, recollect that this country is kinder to you than +your own fatherland,--no matter what country you came from, remember +that this country is an asylum, and vote as in your conscience you +believe you ought to vote to keep this flag in heaven. I beg every +American to stand with that part of the country that believes in law, in +freedom of speech, in an honest vote, in civilization, in progress, in +human liberty, and in universal justice. + + + + +147. Prosperity and Resumption hand in hand + +The Republicans of the United States demand a man who knows that +prosperity and resumption, when they come, must come together; that when +they come they will come hand in hand through the golden harvest fields; +hand in hand by the whirling spindles and the turning wheels; hand in +hand past the open furnace doors; hand in hand by the chimneys filled +with eager fire, greeted and grasped by the countless sons of toil. +This money has to be dug out of the earth. You cannot make it by passing +resolutions in a political convention. + + + + +148. Every Poor Man should Stand by the Government + +It is the only Nation where the man clothed in a rag stands upon an +equality with the one wearing purple. It is the only country in the +world where, politically, the hut is upon an equality with the palace. +For that reason, every poor man should stand by the government, and +every poor man who does not is a traitor to the best interests of his +children; every poor man who does not is willing his children should +bear the badge of political inferiority; and the only way to make this +government a complete and perfect success is for the poorest man to +think as much of his manhood as the millionaire does of his wealth. + + + + +149. We Will Settle Pair! + +I want to tell you that you cannot conceive of what the American people +suffered as they staggered over the desert of bankruptcy from 1873 to +1879. + +We are too near now to know how grand we were. The poor mechanic said +"No;" the ruined manufacturer said "No;" the once millionaire said "No, +we will settle fair; we will agree to pay whether we ever pay or +not, and we will never soil the American name with the infamous word, +'repudiation.'" Are you not glad? What is the talk? Are you not glad +that our flag is covered all over with financial honors? The stars shine +and gleam now because they represent an honest nation. + + + + +150. A Government with a Long Arm + +I believe in a Government with an arm long enough to reach the collar +of any rascal beneath its flag. I want it with an arm long enough and +a sword sharp enough to strike down tyranny wherever it may raise its +snaky head. I want a nation that can hear the faintest cries of its +humblest citizen. I want a nation that will protect a freedman standing +in the sun by his little cabin, just as quick as it would protect +Vanderbilt in a palace of marble and gold. + + + + +151. No Repudiation + +Then it was, that the serpent of temptation whispered in the ear of want +that dreadful word "Repudiation." An effort was made to repudiate. They +appealed to want, to misery, to threatened financial ruin, to the bare +hearthstones, to the army of beggars, We had grandeur enough to say: +"No; we'll settle fair if we don't pay a cent!" And we'll pay-it. 'Twas +grandeur! Is there a Democrat now who wishes we had taken the advice of +Bayard to scale the bonds? Is there an American, a Democrat here, who +is not glad we escaped the stench and shame of repudiation, and did not +take Democratic advice? Is there a Greenbacker here who is not glad we +didn't do it? He may say he is, but he isn't. + + + + +152. The Great Crash! + +I think there is the greatest heroism in living for a thing! There's no +glory in digging potatoes. You don't wear a uniform when you're picking +up stones. You can't have a band of music when you dig potatoes! In, +1873 came the great crash. We staggered over the desert of bankruptcy. +No one can estimate the anguish of that time! Millionaires found +themselves paupers. Palaces were exchanged for hovels. The aged man, +who had spent his life in hard labor, and who thought he had accumulated +enough to support himself in his old age, and leave a little something +to his children and grandchildren, found they were all beggars. The +highways were filled with tramps. + + + + +153. Promises Don't Pay + +If I am fortunate enough to leave a dollar when I die, I want it to be +a good one; I don't wish to have it turn to ashes in the hands of +widowhood, or become a Democratic broken promise in the pocket of the +orphan; I want it money. I saw not long ago a piece of gold bearing the +stamp of the Roman Empire. That Empire is dust, and over it has been +thrown the mantle of oblivion, but that piece of gold is as good as +though Julius Caesar were still riding at the head of the Roman Legion. +I want money to that will outlive the Democratic party. They told +us--and they were honest about it--they said, "when we have plenty of +money we are prosperous." And I said: "When we are prosperous, then we +have credit, and, credit inflates the currency. Whenever a man buys a +pound of sugar and says, 'Charge it,' he inflates the currency; whenever +he gives his note, he inflates the currency; whenever his word takes the +place of money, he inflates the currency." The consequence is that when +we are prosperous, credit takes the place of money, and we have what +we call "plenty." But you can't increase prosperity simply by using +promises to pay. + + + + +154. Solid and Bright! + +I do not wish to trust the wealth of this nation with the demagogues of +the nation. I do not wish to trust the wealth of the country to every +blast of public opinion. I want money as solid as the earth on which we +tread, as bright as the stars that shine above us. + + + + +155. The South and the Tariff + +Where did this doctrine of a tariff for revenue only come from? From the +South. The South would like to stab the prosperity of the North. They +had rather trade with Old England than with New England. They had rather +trade with the people who were willing to help them in war than those +who conquered the rebellion. They knew what gave us our strength in +war. They knew all the brooks and creeks and rivers in New England were +putting down the rebellion. They knew that every wheel that turned, +every spindle that revolved, was a soldier in the army of human +progress. It won't do. They were so lured by the greed of office that +they were willing to trade upon the misfortune of a nation. It won't +do. I don't wish to belong to a party that succeeds only when my country +falls. I don't wish to belong to a party whose banner went up with +the banner of rebellion. I don't wish to belong to a party that was in +partnership with defeat and disaster. + + + + +156. I am for Protection + +And I will tell you why I am for protection, too. If we were all farmers +we would be stupid. If we were all shoemakers we would be stupid. If +we all followed one business, no matter what it was, we would become +stupid. Protection to American labor diversifies American industry, and +to have it diversified touches and developes every part of the human +brain. Protection protects integrity; it protects intelligence; and +protection raises sense; and by protection we have greater men and +better-looking women and healthier children. Free trade means that our +laborer is upon an equality with the poorest paid labor of this world. + + + + +157. The Old Woman of Tewksbury + +You Greenbackers are like the old woman in the Tewksbury, Mass., +Poor-House. She used to be well off, and didn't like her quarters. You +Greenbackers have left your father's house of many mansions and have fed +on shucks about long enough. The Supervisor came into the Poor-House one +day and asked the old lady how she liked it. She said she didn't like +the company, and asked him what he would advise her to do under similar +circumstances. "Oh, you'd better stay. You're prejudiced," said he. +"Do you think anybody is ever prejudiced in their sleep?" asked the +old lady. "I had a dream the other night. I dreamed I died and went to +Heaven. Lots of nice people were there. A nice man came to me and asked +me where I was from. Says I, 'From Tewksbury, Mass.' He looked in his +book and said, 'You can't stay here.' "I asked what he would advise me +to do under similar circumstances." 'Well,' he said, 'there's hell down +there, you might try that.' "Well, I went down there, and the men told +me my name wasn't on the book and I couldn't stay there. 'Well,' said I, +'What would you advise me to do under similar circumstances?' 'Said he, +'You'll have to go back to Tewksbury.' And when Green-backers remember +what they once were, you must feel now, when you were forced to join +the Democratic party, as bad as the old lady who had to go back to +Tewksbury. + + + + +158. American Muscle, Coined into Gold + +I believe in American labor, and I tell you why. The other day a man +told me that we had produced in the United States of America one million +tons of rails. How much are they worth? Sixty dollars a ton. In other +words, the million tons are worth $60,000,000. How much is a ton of iron +worth in the ground? Twenty-five cents. American labor takes 25 cents of +iron in the ground and adds to it $59.75. One million tons of rails, and +the raw material not worth $24,000. We build a ship in the United States +worth $500,000, and the value of the ore in the earth, of the trees in +the great forest, of all that enters into the composition of that ship +bringing $500,000 in gold is only $20,000; $480,000 by American labor, +American muscle, coined into gold; American brains made a legal-tender +the world around. + + + + +159. Inflation + +I don't blame the man who wanted inflation. I don't blame him for +praying for another period of inflation. "When it comes," said the man +who had a lot of shrunken property on his hands, "blame me, if I don't +unload, you may shoot me." It's a good deal like the game of poker! I +don't suppose any of you know anything about that game! Along towards +morning the fellow who is ahead always wants another deal. The fellow +that is behind says his wife's sick, and he must go home. You ought +to hear that fellow descant on domestic virtue! And the other fellow +accuses him of being a coward and wanting to jump the game. A man whose +dead wood is hung up on the shore in a dry time, wants the water to rise +once more and float it out into the middle of the stream. + + + + +160. Resources of Illinois. + +Let me tell you something about Illinois. We have fifty-six thousand +square miles of land--nearly thirty-six million acres. Upon these plains +we can raise enough to feed and clothe twenty million people. Beneath +these prairies were hidden, millions of ages ago, by that old miser, the +sun, thirty-six thousand square miles of coal. The aggregate thickness +of these veins is at least fifteen feet. Think of a column of coal one +mile square and one hundred miles high! All this came from the sun. What +a sunbeam such a column would be! Think of all this force, willed and +left to us by the dead morning of the world! Think of the fireside of +the future around which will sit the fathers, mothers and children of +the years to be! Think of the sweet and happy faces, the loving and +tender eyes that will glow and gleam in the sacred light of all these +flames! + + + + +161. Money! + +They say that money is a measure of value. 'Tisn't so. A bushel doesn't +measure values. It measures diamonds as well as potatoes. If it measured +values, a bushel of potatoes would be worth as much as a bushel of +diamonds. A yard-stick doesn't measure values. They used to say, +"there's no use in having a gold yard-stick." That was right. You +don't buy the yard-stick. If money bore the same relation to trade as +a yard-stick or half-bushel, you would have the same money when you +got through trading as you had when you begun. A man don't sell +half-bushels. He sells corn. All we want is a little sense about these +things. We were in trouble. The thing was discussed. Some said there +wasn't enough money. That's so; I know what that means myself. They said +if we had more money we'd be more prosperous. The truth is, if we +were more prosperous we'd have more money. They said more money would +facilitate business. + + + + +162. Money by Work + +How do you get your money? By work. Where from? You have got to dig it +out of the ground. That is where it comes from. In old times there were +some men who thought they could get some way to turn the baser metals +into gold, and old gray-haired men, trembling, tottering on the verge of +the grave, were hunting for something to turn ordinary metals into gold; +they were searching for the fountain of eternal youth, but they did not +find it. No human ear has ever heard the silver gurgle of the spring of +immortal youth. + + + + +163. Meat Twice a Year + +I have been in countries where the laboring man had meat once a year; +sometimes twice--Christmas and Easter. And I have seen women carrying +upon their heads a burden that no man would like to carry, and at the +same time knitting busily with both hands. And those women lived without +meat; and when I thought of the American laborer I said to myself, +"After all, my country is the best in the world." And when I came back +to the sea and saw the old flag flying in the air, it seemed to me as +though the air from pure joy had burst into blossom. + + + + +164. America a Glorious Land + +Labor has more to eat and more to wear in the United States than in +any other land of this earth. I want America to produce everything +that Americans need. I want it so if the whole world should declare war +against us, so if we were surrounded by walls of cannon and bayonets and +swords, we could supply all human wants in and of ourselves. I want to +live to see the American woman dressed in American silk; the American +man in everything from hat to boots produced in America by the cunning +hand of the American toiler. + + + + +165. How to Spend a Dollar + +If you have only a dollar in the world and have got to spend it, spend +it like a man; spend it like a prince, like a king! If you have to spend +it, spend it as though it were a dried leaf, and you were the owner of +unbounded forests. + + + + +166. Honesty is Best always and Everywhere + +I am next in favor of honest money. I am in favor of gold and silver, +and paper with gold and silver behind it. I believe in silver, because +it is one of the greatest of American products, and I am in favor of +anything that will add to the value of American products. But I want a +silver dollar worth a gold dollar, even if you make it or have to make +it four feet in diameter. No government can afford to be a clipper of +coin. A great Republic cannot afford to stamp a lie upon silver or gold. +Honest money, an honest people, an honest Nation. When our money is only +worth 80 cents on the dollar, we feel 20 per cent, below par. When our +money is good we feel good. When our money is at par, that is where we +are. I am a profound believer in the doctrine that for nations as well +as men, honesty is the best, always, everywhere and forever. + + + + +167. A Fountain of Greenbacks + +There used to be mechanics that tried to make perpetual motion by +combinations of wheels, shifting weights, and rolling balls; but somehow +the machine would never quite run. A perpetual fountain of greenbacks, +of wealth without labor, is just as foolish as a fountain of eternal +youth. The idea that you can produce money without labor is just as +foolish as the idea of perpetual motion. They are old follies under new +names. + + + + +168. What the Greenback says! + +Shall we pay our debts? We had to borrow some money to pay for shot and +shell to shoot Democrats with. We found that we could get along with a +few less Democrats, but not with any less country, and so we borrowed +the money, and the question now is, will we pay it? And which party is +the most apt to pay it, the Republican party, that made the debt--the +party that swore it was constitutional, or the party that said it was +unconstitutional? Whenever a Democrat sees a greenback, the greenback +says to the Democrat, "I am one of the fellows that whipped you." +Whenever a Republican sees a greenback, the greenback says to him, "You +and I put down the rebellion and saved the country." + + + + +169. Honest Methods + +So many presidents of savings banks, even those belonging to the Young +Men's Christian Association, run off with the funds; so many railroad +and insurance companies are in the hands of receivers; there is so much +bankruptcy on every hand, that all capital is held in the nervous clutch +of fear. Slowly, but surely, we are coming back to honest methods in +business. Confidence will return, and then enterprise will unlock the +safe and money will again circulate as of yore; the dollars will leave +their hitting places, and every one will be seeking investment. + + + + +170. Silver demonetized by Fraud! + +For my part I do not ask any interference on the part of the government +except to undo the wrong it has done. I do not ask that money be made +out of nothing. I do not ask for the prosperity born of paper. But I do +ask for the remonetization of silver. Silver was demonetized by fraud. +It was an imposition upon every solvent man; a fraud upon every honest +debtor in the United States. It assassinated labor. It was done in the +interest of avarice and greed, and should be undone by honest men. + + + + +RELIGIOUS QUESTIONS + + + + +171. The Crime of Crimes! + +Redden your hands with human blood; blast by slander the fair fame +of the innocent; strangle the smiling child upon its mother's knees; +deceive, ruin and desert the beautiful girl who loves and trusts you, +and your case is not hopeless. For all this, and for all these you +may be forgiven. For all this, and for all these, that bankrupt court +established by the gospel, will give you a discharge; but deny the +existence of these divine ghosts, of these gods, and the sweet and +tearful face of Mercy becomes livid with eternal hate. Heaven's golden +gates are shut, and you, with an infinite curse ringing in your +ears, with the brand of infamy upon your brow, commence your endless +wanderings in the lurid gloom of hell--an immortal vagrant--an eternal +outcast--a deathless convict. + + + + +172. Faith--A Mixture of Insanity and Ignorance + +The doctrine that future happiness depends upon belief is monstrous. +It is the infamy of infamies. The notion that faith in Christ is to +be rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason, +observation, and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for +refutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity +and ignorance; called "faith." + + + + +173. What the Saints Could Cure! + +The church in the days of Voltaire contended that its servants were the +only legitimate physicians. The priests cured in the name of the church, +and in the name of God--by exorcism, relics, water, salt and oil. St. +Valentine cured epilepsy, St. Gervasius was good for rheumatism, St. +Michael de Sanatis for cancer, St. Judas for coughs, St. Ovidius +for deafness, St. Sebastian for poisonous bites. St. Apollonia for +toothache, St. Clara for rheum in the eye, St. Hubert for hydrophobia. +Devils were driven out with wax tapers, with incence (sp.), with holy +water, by pronouncing prayers. The church, as late as the middle of the +twelfth century, prohibited good Catholics from having anything to do +with physicians. + + + + +174. The Sleep of Persecutors + +All the persecutors sleep in peace, and the ashes of those who burned +their brothers in the name of Christ rest in consecrated ground. Whole +libraries could not contain even the names of the wretches who have +filled the world with violence and death in defense of book and creed, +and yet they all died the death of the righteous, and no priest or| +minister describes the agony and fear, the remorse and horror with which +their guilty souls were filled in the last moments of their lives. These +men had never doubted; they accepted the creed; they were not infidels; +they had not denied the divinity of Christ; they had been baptized; +they had partaken of the last supper; they had respected priests; they +admitted that the Holy Ghost had "proceeded;" and these things put +pillows beneath their dying heads and covered them with the drapery of +peace. + + + + +175. Crime Rampant and God Silent! + +There is no recorded instance where the uplifted hand of murder has been +paralyzed--no truthful account in all the literature of the world of the +innocent shielded by God. Thousands of crimes are being committed every +day--men are this moment lying in wait for their human prey; wives +are whipped and crushed, driven to insanity and death; little children +begging for mercy, lifting imploringly tear-filled eyes to the brutal +faces of fathers and mothers; sweet girls are deceived, lured, and +outraged; but God has no time to prevent these things--no time to defend +the good and to protect the pure. He is too busy numbering hairs and +watching sparrows. + + + + +176. How Criminals Die Serenely! + +All kinds of criminals, except infidels, meet death with reasonable +serenity. As a rule, there is nothing in the death of a pirate to cast +any discredit on his profession. The murderer upon the scaffold, with +a priest on either side, smilingly exhorts the multitude to meet him in +heaven. The man who has succeeded in making his home a hell meets death +without a quiver, provided he has never expressed any doubt as to the +divinity of Christ or the eternal "procession" of the holy ghost. The +king who has waged cruel and useless war, who has filled countries with +widows and fatherless children, with the maimed and diseased, and who +has succeeded in offering to the Moloch of ambition the best and bravest +of his subjects, dies like a saint. + + + + +177. The first Corpse and the first Cathedral + +Now and then, in the history of this world, a man of genius, of sense, +of intellectual honesty has appeared. These men have denounced the +superstitions of their day. They pitied the multitude. To see priests +devour the substance of the people filled them with indignation. These +men were honest enough to tell their thoughts. Then they were denounced, +condemned, executed. Some of them escaped the fury of the people who +loved their enemies, and died naturally in their beds. It would not be +for the church to admit that they died peacefully. That would show that +religion was not actually necessary in the last moment. Religion got +much of its power from the terror of death. Superstition is the child of +ignorance and fear. The first grave was the first cathedral. The first +corpse was the first priest. It would not do to have the common people +understand that a man could deny the Bible, refuse to look at the cross, +contend that Christ was only a man, and yet die as calmly as Calvin did +after he had murdered Servetus, or as King David, after advising one son +to kill another. + + + + +178. The Sixteenth Century + +In the sixteenth century every science was regarded as an outcast and an +enemy, and the church influenced the world, which was under its +power, to believe anything, and the ignorant mob was always too ready, +brutalized by the church, to hang, kill or crucify at their bidding. +Such was the result of a few centuries of Christianity. + + + + +179. An Orthodox Gentleman + +By Orthodox I mean a gentleman who is petrified in his mind, whooping +around intellectually, simply to save the funeral expenses of his soul. + + + + +180. A Bold Assertion + +The churches point to their decayed saints, and their crumbled Popes +and say, "Do you know more than all the ministers that ever lived?" +And without the slightest egotism or blush I say, yes, and the name of +Humboldt outweighs them all. The men who stand in the front rank, the +men who know most of the secrets of nature, the men who know most are +to-day the advanced infidels of this world. I have lived long enough to +see the brand of intellectual inferiority on every orthodox brain. + + + + +181. History a Bloody Farce! + +If we admit that some infinite being has controlled the destinies of +persons and peoples, history becomes a most cruel and bloody farce. +Age after age, the strong have trampled upon the weak; the crafty +and heartless have ensnared and enslaved the simple and innocent, +and nowhere, in all the annals of mankind, has any god succored the +oppressed. + + + + +182. Weak ones Suffering--Heaven deaf + +Most of the misery has been endured by the weak, the loving and the +innocent. Women have been treated like poisonous beasts, and little +children trampled upon as though they had been vermin. Numberless altars +have been reddened, even with the blood of babes; beautiful girls have +been given to slimy serpents; whole races of men doomed to centuries +of slavery, and everywhere there has been outrage beyond the power +of genius to express. During all these years the suffering have +supplicated; the withered lips of famine have prayed; the pale victims +have implored, and Heaven has been deaf and blind. + + + + +183. Heaven has no Ear, no Hand + +Man should cease to expect aid from on high. By this time he should know +that heaven has no ear to hear, and no hand to help. The present is the +necessary child of all the past. There has been no chance, and there can +be no interference. + + + + +184. Religion is Tyrannical + +Religion does not, and cannot, contemplate man as free. She accepts only +the homage of the prostrate, and scorns the offerings of those who stand +erect. She cannot tolerate the liberty of thought. The wide and sunny +fields belong not to her domain. The star-lit heights of genius and +individuality are above and beyond her appreciation and power. Her +subjects cringe at her feet, covered with the dust of obedience. + + + + +185. Religion and Facts + +What has religion to do with facts? Nothing. Is there any such thing +as Methodist mathematics, Presbyterian botany, Catholic astronomy or +Baptist biology? What has any form of superstition or religion to do +with a fact or with any science? Nothing but hinder, delay or embarass. +I want, then, to free the schools; and I want to free the politicians, +so that a man will not have to pretend he is a Methodist, or his wife +a Baptist, or his grandmother a Catholic; so that he can go through +a campaign, and when he gets through will find none of the dust of +hypocrisy on his knees. + + + + +186. Religion not the End of Life + +We deny that religion is the end or object of this life. When it is so +considered it becomes destructive of happiness--the real end of life. +It becomes a hydra-headed monster, reaching in terrible coils from the +heavens, and thrusting its thousand fangs into the bleeding, quivering +hearts of men. It devours their substance, builds palaces for God, (who +dwells not in temples made with hands,) and allows his children to +die in huts and hovels. It fills the earth with mourning, heaven with +hatred, the present with fear, and all the future with despair. + + + + +187. Creeds + +Just in proportion that the human race has advanced, the Church has lost +power. There is no exception to this rule. No nation ever materially +advanced that held strictly to the religion of its founders. No nation +ever gave itself wholly to the control of the Church without losing its +power, its honor, and existence. Every Church pretends to have found +the exact truth. This is the end of progress. Why pursue that which you +have? Why investigate when you know? Every creed is a rock in running +water; humanity sweeps by it. Every creed cries to the universe, "Halt!" +A creed is the ignorant Past bullying the enlightened Present. + + + + +188. The Worst Religion in the World + +The worst religion of the world was the Presbyterianism of Scotland as +it existed in the beginning of the eighteenth century. The kirk had all +the faults of the church of Rome, without a redeeming feature. The kirk +hated music, painting, statuary, and architecture. Anything touched with +humanity--with the dimples of joy--was detested and accursed. God was +to be feared, not loved. Life was a long battle with the devil. Every +desire was of Satan. Happiness was a snare, and human love was wicked, +weak, and vain. The Presbyterian priest of Scotland was as cruel, +bigoted, and heartless as the familiar of the inquisition. One case will +tell it all. In the beginning of this, the nineteenth century, a boy +seventeen years of age, Thomas Aikenhead, was indicted and tried +at Edinburgh for blasphemy. He had on several occasions, when cold, +jocularly wished himself in hell, that he might get warm. The poor, +frightened boy recanted--begged for mercy; but he was found guilty, +hanged, thrown in a hole at the foot of the scaffold; and his weeping +mother vainly begged that his bruised and bleeding body might be given +to her. + + + + +189. Religion Demanding Miracles + +The founder of a religion must be able to turn water into wine--cure +with a word the blind and lame, and raise with a simple touch the dead +to life. It was necessary for him to demonstrate to the satisfaction +of his barbarian disciple, that he was superior to nature. In times of +ignorance this was easy to do. The credulity of the savage was almost +boundless. To him the marvelous was the beautiful, the mysterious was +the sublime. Consequently, every religion has for its foundation a +miracle--that is to say, a violation of nature--that is to say, a +falsehood. + + + + +190. We Want One Fact + +We have heard talk enough. We have listened to all the drowsy, idealess, +vapid sermons that we wish to hear. We have read your Bible and the +works of your best minds. We have heard your prayers, your solemn groans +and your reverential amens. All these amount to less than nothing. We +want one fact. We beg at the doors of your churches for just one little +fact. We pass our hats along your pews and under your pulpits and +implore you for just one fact. We know all about your mouldy wonders and +your stale miracles. We want a this year's fact. We ask only one. Give +us one fact for charity. Your miracles are too ancient. + + + + +191. The Design Argument + +These religious people see nothing but designs everywhere, and personal, +intelligent interference in everything. They insist that the universe +has been created, and that the adaptation of means to ends is perfectly +apparent. They point us to the sunshine, to the flowers, to the April +rain, and to all there is of beauty and of use in the world. Did it ever +occur to them that a cancer is as beautiful in its development as is the +reddest rose? That what they are pleased to call the adaptation of +means to ends, is as apparent in the cancer as in the April rain? How +beautiful the process of digestion! By what ingenious methods the +blood is poisoned so that the cancer shall have food! By what wonderful +contrivances the entire system of man is made to pay tribute to this +divine and charming cancer! See by what admirable instrumentalities it +feeds itself from the surrounding quivering, dainty flesh! See how it +gradually but surely expands and grows! By what marvelous mechanism +it is supplied with long and slender roots that reach out to the most +secret nerves of pain for sustenance and life! What beautiful colors it +presents! + + + + +192. Down, Forever Down + +Down, forever down, with any religion that requires upon its ignorant +altar the sacrifice of the goddess Reason, that compels her to abdicate +forever the shining throne of the soul, strips from her form the +imperial purple, snatches from her hand the sceptre of thought and makes +her the bondwoman of a senseless faith! + + + + +193. The Back + +Upon this rack I have described, this victim was placed, and those +chains were attached to his ankles and then to his waist, and clergyman, +good men pious men! men that were shocked at the immorality of their +day! they talked about playing cards and the horrible crime of dancing! +Oh! how such things shocked them; men going to the theatres and seeing a +play written by the grandest genius the world ever has produced--how it +shocked their sublime and tender souls! but they commenced turning this +machine and they kept on turning until the ankles, knees, hips, elbows, +shoulders and wrists were all dislocated and the victim was red with the +sweat of agony, and they had standing by a physician to feel the pulse, +so that the last faint flutter of life would not leave his veins. Did +they wish to save his life? Yes. In mercy? No! simply that they might +have the pleasure of racking him once again. That is the spirit, and it +is a spirit born of the doctrine that there is upon the throne of the +universe a being who will eternally damn his children, and they said: +"If God is going to have the supreme happiness of burning them forever, +certainly he might not to begrudge to us the joy of burning them for an +hour or two." That was their doctrine, and when I read these things it +seems to me that I have suffered them myself. + + + + +194. An Awful Admission + +Just think of going to the day of judgment, if there is one, and +standing up before God and admitting without a blush that you had lived +and died a Scotch Presbyterian. I would expect the next sentence would +be, "Depart ye curged into everlasting fire." + + + + +CHURCHES AND PRIESTS + + + + +195. The Church Forbids Investigation + +The first doubt was the womb and cradle of progress, and from the first +doubt, man has continued to advance. Men began to investigate, and the +church began to oppose. The astronomer scanned the heavens, while the +church branded his grand forehead with the word, "Infidel;" and now, +not a glittering star in all the vast expanse bears a Christian name. +In spite of all religion, the geologist penetrated the earth, read her +history in books of stone, and found, hidden within her bosom souvenirs +of all the ages. + + + + +196. The Church Charges Falsely + +Notwithstanding the fact that infidels in all ages have battled for +the rights of man, and have at all times been the fearless advocates +of liberty and justice, we are constantly charged by the Church with +tearing down without building again. + + + + +197. The Church in the "Dark Ages" + +During that frightful period known as the "Dark Ages," Faith reigned, +with scarcely a rebellious subject. Her temples were "carpeted with +knees," and the wealth of nations adorned her countless shrines. The +great painters prostituted their genius to immortalize her vagaries, +while the poets enshrined them in song. At her bidding, man covered the +earth with blood. The scales of Justice were turned with her gold, and +for her use were invented all the cunning instruments of pain. She built +cathedrals for God, and dungeons for men. She peopled the clouds with +angels and the earth with slaves. + + + + +198. The Few Say, "Think!" + +For ages, a deadly conflict has been waged between a few brave men and +women of thought and genius upon the one side, and the great ignorant +religious mass on the other. This is the war between! science and faith. +The few have appealed to reason, to honor, to law, to freedom, to the +known, and to happiness here in this world. The many have appealed +to prejudice, to fear, to miracle, to slavery, to the unknown, and +to misery hereafter. The few have said, "Think!" The many have said, +"Believe!" + + + + +199. The Church and the Tree of Knowledge + +The gods dreaded education and knowledge then just as they do now. The +church still faithfully guards the dangerous tree of knowledge, and has +exerted in all ages her utmost power to keep mankind from eating the +fruit thereof. The priests have never ceased repeating the old falsehood +and the old threat: "Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, +lest ye die." + + + + +200. The Church Cries, "Believe!" + +The church wishes us to believe. Let the church, or one of its +intellectual saints, perform a miracle, and we will believe. We are told +that nature has a superior. Let this superior, for one single instant, +control nature and we will admit the truth of your assertions. + + + + +201. The Heretics Cried, "Halt!" + +A few infidels--a few heretics cried, "Halt!" to the great rabble of +ignorant devotion, and made it possible for the genius of the nineteenth +century to revolutionize the cruel creeds and superstitions of mankind. + + + + +202. The World not so Awful Flat + +According to the Christian system this world was the centre of +everything. The stars were made out of what little God happened to have +left when he got the world done. God lived up in the sky, and they said +this earth must rest upon something, and finally science passed its hand +clear under, and there was nothing. It was self-existent in infinite +space. Then the Church began to say they didn't say it was flat, not so +awful flat--it was kind of rounding. + +According to the ancient Christians God lived from all eternity, and +never worked but six days in His whole life, and then had the impudence +to tell us to be industrious. + + + + +203. From Whence Come Wars? + +Christian nations are the warlike nations of this world. Christians have +invented the most destructive weapons of war. Christianity gave us the +revolver, invented the rifle, made the bombshell; and Christian +nations here and there had above all other arts the art of war; and as +Christians they have no respect for the rights of barbarians or for the +rights of any nation or tribe that happens to differ with them. See what +it does in our society; we are divided off into little sects that used +to discuss these questions with fire and sword, with chain and faggot, +and that discuss, some of them, even to-day, with misrepresentation and +slander. Every day something happens to show me that the old spirit that +that was in the inquisition still slumbers in the breasts of men. + + + + +204. Another Day of Divine Work + +I heard of a man going to California over the plains, and there was a +clergyman on board, and he had a great deal to say, and finally he +fell in conversation with the forty-niner, and the latter said to the +clergyman, "Do you believe that God made this world in six days?" "Yes I +do." They were then going along the Humboldt. Says he, "Don't you think +he could put in another day to advantage right around here?" + + + + +205. The Donkey and the Lion + +Owing to the attitude of the churches for the last fifteen hundred +years, truth-telling has not been a very lucrative business. As a rule, +hypocrisy has worn the robes, and honesty the rags. That day is passing +away. You cannot now answer the argument of a man by pointing at +the holes in his coat. Thomas Paine attacked the Church when it was +powerful--when it had what is called honors to bestow--when it was +the keeper of the public conscience--when it was strong and cruel. The +Church waited till he was dead, and then attacked his reputation and his +clothes. Once upon a time a donkey kicked a lion, but the lion was dead. + + + + +206. The Orthodox Christian + +The highest type of the orthodox Christian does not forget; neither +does he learn. He neither advances nor recedes. He is a living fossil +embedded in that rock called faith. He makes no effort to better his +condition, because all his strength is exhausted in keeping other people +from improving theirs. The supreme desire of his heart is to force all +others to adopt his creed, and in order to accomplish this object he +denounces free-thinking as a crime, and this crime he calls heresy. When +he had power, heresy was the most terrible and formidable of words. It +meant confiscation, exile, imprisonment, torture, and death. + + + + +207. Alms-Dish and Sword + +I will not say the Church has been an unmitigated evil in all respects. +Its history is infamous and glorious. It has delighted in the production +of extremes. It has furnished murderers for its own martyrs. It has +sometimes fed the body, but has always starved the soul. It has been a +charitable highwayman--a profligate beggar--a generous pirate. It +has produced some angels and a multitude of devils. It has built more +prisons than asylums. It made a hundred orphans while it cared for one. +In one hand it has carried the alms-dish and in the other a sword. + + + + +208. The Church the Great Robber + +The Church has been, and still is, the great robber. She has rifled not +only the pockets but the brains of the world. She is the stone at the +sepulchre of liberty; the upas tree, in whose shade the intellect of man +has withered; the Gorgon beneath whose gaze the human heart has turned +to stone. Under her influence even the Protestant mother expects to be +happy in heaven, while her brave boy, who fell fighting for the rights +of man, shall writhe in hell. + + + + +209. The Church Impotent + +The Church, impotent and malicious, regrets, not the abuse, but the loss +of her power, and seeks to hold by falsehood what she gained by cruelty +and force, by fire and fear. Christianity cannot live in peace with any +other form of faith. + + + + +210. Toleration + +Let it be remembered that all churches have persecuted heretics to the +extent of their power. Toleration has increased only when and where the +power of the church has diminished. From Augustine until now the +spirit of the Christians has remained the same. There has been the same +intolerance, the same undying hatred of all who think for themselves, +and the same determination to crush out of the human brain all knowledge +inconsistent with an ignorant creed. + + + + +211. Shakespeare's Plays v. Sermons + +What would the church people think if the theatrical people should +attempt to suppress the churches? What harm would it do to have an opera +here tonight? It would elevate us more than to hear ten thousand sermons +on the worm that never dies. There is more practical wisdom in one of +the plays of Shakespeare than in all the sacred books ever written. What +wrong would there be to see one of those grand plays on Sunday? There +was a time when the church would not allow you to cook on Sunday. You +had to eat your victuals cold. There was a time they thought the more +miserable you feel the better God feels. + + + + +212. Why Should the Church be Merciful? + +Give any orthodox church the power, and to-day they would punish heresy +with whip, and chain, and fire. As long as a church deems a certain +belief essential to salvation, just so long it will kill and burn if it +has the power. Why should the Church pity a man whom her God hates? Why +should she show mercy to a kind and noble heretic whom her God will burn +in eternal fire? + + + + +213. The Church and the Infidel. + +Cathedrals and domes, and chimes and chants--temples frescoed and +groined and carved, and gilded with gold--altars and tapers, and +paintings of virgin and babe--censer and chalice--chasuble, paten +and alb--organs, and anthems and incense rising to the winged and +blest--maniple, amice and stole--crosses and crosiers, tiaras +and crowns--mitres and missals and masses--rosaries, relics and +robes--martyrs and saints, and windows stained as with the blood of +Christ--never, never for one moment awed the brave, proud spirit of the +Infidel. He knew that all the pomp and glitter had been purchased with +Liberty--that priceless jewel of the soul. In looking at the cathedral +he remembered the dungeon. The music of the organ was loud enough to +drown the clank of fetters. He could not forget that the taper had +lighted the fagot. He knew that the cross adorned the hilt of the sword, +and so where others worshiped, he wept and scorned. + + + + +214. Back to Chaos + +Suppose the Church could control the world today, we would go back to +chaos and old night philosophy would be branded as infamous; science +would again press its pale and thoughtful face against the prison bars, +and round the limbs of liberty would climb the bigot's flame. + + + + +215. Infinite Impudence of the Church + +Who can imagine the infinite impudence of a Church assuming to think for +the human race? Who can imagine the infinite impudence of a Church +that pretends to be the mouthpiece of God, and in his name threatens to +inflict eternal punishment upon those who honestly reject its claims and +scorn its pretensions? By what right does a man, or an organization +of men, or a god, claim to hold a brain in bondage? When a fact can be +demonstrated, force is unnecessary; when it cannot be demonstrated, an +appeal to force is infamous. In the presence of the unknown all have an +equal right to think. + + + + +216. Wanted!--A New Method + +The world is covered with forts to protect Christians from Christians, +and every sea is covered with iron monsters ready to blow Christian +brains into eternal froth. Millions upon millions are annually expended +in the effort to construct still more deadly and terrible engines of +death. Industry is crippled, honest toil is robbed, and even beggary is +taxed to defray the expenses of Christian warfare. There must be some +other way to reform this world. + + + + +217. The Kirk of Scotland + +The Church was ignorant, bloody, and relentless. In Scotland the "Kirk" +was at the summit of its power. It was a full sister of the Spanish +Inquisition. It waged war upon human nature. It was the enemy of +happiness, the hater of joy, and the despiser of religious liberty. It +taught parents to murder their children rather than to allow them to +propagate error. If the mother held opinions of which the infamous +"Kirk" disapproved, her children were taken from her arms, her babe from +her very bosom, and she was not allowed to see them, or to write them a +word. It would not allow shipwrecked sailors to be rescued from drowning +on Sunday. It sought to annihilate pleasure, to pollute the heart by +filling it with religious cruelty and gloom, and to change mankind into +a vast horde of pious, heartless fiends. One of the most famous Scotch +divines said: "The Kirk holds that religious toleration is not far from +blasphemy." + + + + +218. The Church Looks Back + +The Church is, and always has been, incapable of a forward movement. +Religion always looks back. The Church has already reduced Spain to a +guitar, Italy to a hand-organ, and Ireland to exile. + + + + +219. Diogenes + +The Church used painting, music and architecture, simply to degrade +mankind. But there are men that nothing can awe. There have been at all +times brave spirits that dared even the gods. Some proud head has always +been above the waves. In every age some Diogenes has sacrificed to all +the gods. True genius never cowers, and there is always some Samson +feeling for the pillars of authority. + + + + +220. The Church and War + +It does seem as though the most zealous Christian must at times +entertain some doubt as to the divine origin of his religion. For +eighteen hundred years the doctrine has been preached. For more than +a thousand years the Church had, to a great extent, the control of the +civilized world, and what has been the result? Are the Christian nations +patterns of charity and forbearance? On the contrary, their principal +business is to destroy each other. More than five millions of Christians +are trained, educated, and drilled to murder their fellow-christians. +Every nation is groaning under a vast debt incurred in carrying on war +against other Christians. + + + + +221. The Call to Preach + +An old deacon, wishing to get rid of an unpopular preacher, advised him +to give up the ministry and turn his attention to something else. The +preacher replied that he could not conscientiously desert the pulpit, as +he had had a "call" to the ministry. To which the deacon replied, "That +may be so, but it's very unfortunate for you, that when God called you +to preach, he forgot to call anybody to hear you." + + + + +222. Burning Servetus + +The maker of the Presbyterian creed caused the fugitive Servetus to be +arrested for blasphemy. He was tried. Calvin was his accuser. He was +convicted and condemned to death by fire. On the morning of the fatal +day, Calvin saw him, and Servetus, the victim, asked forgiveness of +Calvin, the murderer. Servetus was bound to the stake, and the faggots +were lighted. The wind carried the flames somewhat away from his body, +so that he slowly roasted for hours. Vainly he implored a speedy death. +At last the flames climbed round his form; through smoke and fire his +murderers saw a white, heroic face. And there they watched until a man +became a charred and shriveled mass. Liberty was banished from Geneva, +and nothing but Presbyterianism was left. + + + + +223. Freedom for the Clergy + +One of the first things I wish to do is to free the orthodox clergy. I +am a great friend of theirs, and in spite of all they may say against +me, I am going to do them a great and lasting service. Upon their necks +are visible the marks of the collar, and upon their backs those of the +lash. They are not allowed to read and think for themselves. They are +taught like parrots, and the best are those who repeat, with the fewest +mistakes, the sentences they have been taught. They sit like owls upon +some dead limb of the tree of knowledge, and hoot the same old hoots +that have been hooted for eighteen hundred years. + + + + +224. The Pulpit Weakening + +There was a time when a falsehood, fulminated from the pulpit, smote +like a sword; but, the supply having greatly exceeded the demand, +clerical misrepresentation has at last become almost an innocent +amusement. Remembering that only a few years ago men, women, and even +children, were imprisoned, tortured and burned, for having expressed +in an exceedingly mild and gentle way, the ideas entertained by me, I +congratulate myself that calumny is now the pulpit's last resort. + + + + +225. Origin of the Priesthood + +This was the origin of the priesthood. The priest pretended to stand +between the wrath of the gods and the helplessness of man. He was man's +attorney at the court of heaven. He carried to the invisible world a +flag of truce, a protest and a request. He came back with a command, +with authority and with power. Man fell upon his knees before his own +servant, and the priest, taking advantage of the awe inspired by his +supposed influence with the gods, made of his fellow-man a cringing +hypocrite and slave. + + + + +226. The Clergy on Heaven + +The clergy, however, balance all the real ills of this life with the +expected joys of the next. We are assured that all is perfection in +heaven--there the skies are cloudless--there all is serenity and peace. +Here empires may be overthrown; dynasties may be extinguished in blood; +millions of slaves may toil 'neath the fierce rays of the sun, and the +cruel strokes of the lash; yet all is happiness in heaven. Pestilences +may strew the earth with corpses of the loved; the survivors may bend +above them in agony--yet the placid bosom of heaven is unruffled. +Children may expire vainly asking for bread; babes may be devoured by +serpents, while the gods sit smiling in the clouds. + + + + +227. The Parson, the Crane and the Fish + +A devout clergyman sought every opportunity to impress upon the mind +of his son the fact, that God takes care of all his creatures; that the +falling sparrow attracts his attention, and that his loving-kindness is +over all his works. Happening, one day, to see a crane wading in quest +of food, the good man pointed out to his son the perfect adaptation of +the crane to get his living in that manner. "See," said he, "how his +legs are formed for wading! What a long slender bill he has! Observe how +nicely he folds his feet when putting them in or drawing them out of +the water! He does not cause the slightest ripple. He is thus enabled +to approach the fish without giving them any notice of his arrival. +My son," said he, "it is impossible to look at that bird without +recognizing the design, as well as the goodness of God, in thus +providing the means of subsistence." "Yes," replied the boy, "I think I +see the goodness of God, at least so far as the crane is concerned; but, +after all, father, don't you think the arrangement a little tough on the +fish?" + + + + +228. Banish Me from Eden--But! + +Give me the storm of tempest and action, rather than the dead calm of +ignorance and faith. Banish me from Eden when you will; but first let me +eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge! + + + + +229. The Pulpit's Cry of Fear + +From every pulpit comes the same cry, born of the same fear: "Lest +they eat and become as gods, knowing good and evil." For this reason, +religion hates science, faith detests reason, theology is the sworn +enemy of philosophy, and the church with its flaming sword still guards +the hated tree, and like its supposed founder, curses to the lowest +depths the brave thinkers who eat and become as gods. + + + + +230. Restive Clergymen + +Some of the clergy have the independence to break away, and the +intellect to maintain themselves as free men, but the most are compelled +to submit to the dictation of the orthodox, and the dead. They are +not employed to give their thoughts, but simply to repeat the ideas of +others. They are not expected to give even the doubts that may suggest +themselves, but are required to walk in the narrow, verdureless path +trodden by the ignorance of the past. The forests and fields on either +side are nothing to them. + + + + +231. The Parson Factory at Andover + +They have in Massachusetts, at a place called Andover, a kind of +minister-factory; and every professor in that factory takes an oath once +in every five years--that is as long as an oath will last--that not only +has he not during the last five years, but so help him God, he will not +during the next five years intellectually advance; and probably there is +no oath he could easier keep. Since the foundation of that institution +there has not been one case of perjury. They believe the same creed they +first taught when the foundation stone was laid, and now when they send +out a minister they brand him as hardware from Sheffield and Birmingham. +And every man who knows where he was educated knows his creed, knows +every argument of his creed, every book that he reads, and just what he +amounts to intellectually, and knows he will shrink and shrivel. + + + + +232. A Charge to Presbyteries + +Go on, presbyteries and synods, go on! Thrust the heretics out of the +Church--that is to say, throw away your brains,--put out your eyes. The +infidels will thank you. They are willing to adopt your exiles. Every +deserter from your camp is a recruit for the army of progress. Cling to +the ignorant dogmas of the past; read the 109th Psalm; gloat over the +slaughter of mothers and babes; thank God for total depravity; shower +your honors upon hypocrites, and silence every minister who is touched +with that heresy called genius. Be true to your history. Turn out the +astronomers, the geologists, the naturalists, the chemists, and all the +honest scientists. With a whip of scorpions, drive them all out. We want +them all. + + + + +THE BIBLE + + + + +233. Nature the True Bible + +The true Bible appeals to man in the name of demonstration. It has +nothing to conceal. It has no fear of being read, of being contradicted, +of being investigated and understood. It does not pretend to be holy, or +sacred; it simply claims to be true. It challenges the scrutiny of +all, and implores every reader to verify every line for himself. It is +incapable of being blasphemed. This book appeals to all the surroundings +of man. Each thing that exists testifies of its perfection. The earth, +with its heart of fire and crowns of snow; with its forests and plains, +its rocks and seas; with its every wave and cloud; with its every leaf +and bud and flower, confirms its every word, and the solemn stars, +shining in the infinite abysses, are the eternal witnesses of its truth. + + + + +234. Inspiration + +I will tell you what I mean by inspiration. I go and look at the sea, +and the sea says something to me; it makes an impression upon my mind. +That impression depends, first, upon my experience; secondly, upon +my intellectual capacity. Another looks upon the same sea. He has a +different brain, he has had a different experience, he has different +memories and different hopes. The sea may speak to him of joy and to me +of grief and sorrow. The sea cannot tell the same thing to two beings, +because no two human beings have had the same experience. So, when I +look upon a flower, or a star, or a painting, or a statue, the more I +know about sculpture the more that statue speaks to me. The more I have +had of human experience, the more I have read, the greater brain I have, +the more the star says to me. In other words, nature says to me all that +I am capable of understanding. + + + + +335. The 109th Psalm! + +Think of a God wicked and malicious enough to inspire this prayer in +the 109th Psalm. Think of one infamous enough to answer it. Had this +inspired psalm been found in some temple erected for the worship of +snakes, or in the possession of some cannibal king, written with blood +upon the dried skins of babes, there would have been a perfect harmony +between its surroundings and its sentiments. + + + + +236. I Don't Believe the Bible + +Now, I read the Bible, and I find that God so loved this world that he +made up his mind to damn the most of us. I have read this book, and what +shall I say of it? I believe it is generally better to be honest. Now, +I don't believe the Bible. Had I not better say so? They say that if you +do you will regret it when you come to die. If that be true, I know a +great many religious people who will have no cause to regret it--they +don't tell their honest convictions about the Bible. + + + + +237. The Bible the Real Persecutor + +The Bible was the real persecutor. The Bible burned heretics, built +dungeons, founded the Inquisition, and trampled upon all the liberties +of men. How long, O how long will mankind worship a book? How long will +they grovel in the dust before the ignorant legends of the barbaric +past? How long, O how long will they pursue phantoms in a darkness +deeper than death? + + + + +238. Immoralities of the Bible + +The believers in the Bible are loud in their denunciation of what they +are pleased to call the immoral literature of the world; and yet few +books have been published containing more moral filth than this inspired +word of God. These stories are not redeemed by a single flash of wit or +humor. They never rise above the dull details of stupid vice. For one, +I cannot afford to soil my pages with extracts from them; and all such +portions of the Scriptures I leave to be examined, written upon, and +explained by the clergy. Clergymen may know some way by which they can +extract honey from these flowers. Until these passages are expunged from +the Old Testament, it is not a fit book to be read by either old or +young. It contains pages that no minister in the United States would +read to his congregation for any reward whatever. There are chapters +that no gentleman would read in the presence of a lady. There are +chapters that no father would read to his child. There are narratives +utterly unfit to be told; and the time will come when mankind will +wonder that such a book was ever called inspired. + + + + +239. The Bible Stands in the Way + +But as long as the Bible is considered as the work of God, it will be +hard to make all men too good and pure to imitate it; and as long as it +is imitated there will be vile and filthy books. The literature of +our country will not be sweet and clean until the Bible ceases to be +regarded as the production of a god. + + + + +240. The Bible False + +In the days of Thomas Paine the Church believed and taught that every +word in the Bible was absolutely true. Since his day it has been proven +false in its cosmogony, false in its astronomy, false in its chronology, +false in its history, and so far as the Old Testament is concerned, +false in almost everything. There are but few, if any, scientific men +who apprehend that the Bible is literally true. Who on earth at this +day would pretend to settle any scientific question by a text from +the Bible? The old belief is confined to the ignorant and zealous. +The Church itself will before long be driven to occupy the position of +Thomas Paine. + + + + +241. The Man I Love + +I love any man who gave me, or helped to give me, the liberty I enjoy +to-night. I love every man who helped put our flag in heaven. I love +every man who has lifted his voice in all the ages for liberty, for a +chainless body, and a fetterless brain. I love every man who has given +to every other human being every right that he claimed for himself. I +love every man who thought more of principle than he did of position. I +love the men who have trampled crowns beneath their feet that they might +do something for mankind. + + + + +242. Whale, Jonah and All + +The best minds of the orthodox world, to-day, are endeavoring to prove +the existence of a personal Deity. All other questions occupy a minor +place. You are no longer asked to swallow the Bible whole, whale, +Jonah and all; you are simply required to believe in God, and pay your +pew-rent. There is not now an enlightened minister in the world who will +seriously contend that Samson's strength was in his hair, or that the +necromancers of Egypt could turn water into blood, and pieces of wood +into serpents. These follies have passed away. + + + + +243. Damned for Laughing at Samson + +For my part, I would infinitely prefer to know all the results of +scientific investigation, than to be inspired as Moses was. Supposing +the Bible to be true; why is it any worse or more wicked for free +thinkers to deny it, than for priests to deny the doctrine of Evolution, +or the dynamic theory of heat? Why should we be damned for laughing at +Samson and his foxes, while others, holding the Nebular Hypothesis in +utter contempt, go straight to heaven? + + + + +244. The Man, Not the Book, Inspired + +Now when I come to a book, for instance I read the writings of +Shakespeare--Shakespeare, the greatest human being who ever existed upon +this globe. What do I get out of him? All that I have sense enough to +understand. I get my little cup full. Let another read him who knows +nothing of the drama, who knows nothing of the impersonation of passion; +what does he get from him? Very little. In other words, every man gets +from a book, a flower, a star, or the sea, what he is able to get from +his intellectual development and experience. Do you then believe that +the Bible is a different book to every human being that receives it? I +do. Can God, then, through the Bible, make the same revelation to two +men? He cannot. Why? Because the man who reads is the man who inspires. +Inspiration is in the man and not in the book. + + + + +245. The Bible a Chain + +The real oppressor, enslaver and corrupter of the people is the Bible. +That book is the chain that binds, the dungeon that holds the clergy. +That book spreads the pall of superstition over the colleges and +schools. That book puts out the eyes of science, and makes honest +investigation a crime. That book unmans the politician and degrades the +people. That book fills the world with bigotry, hypocrisy and fear. + + + + +246. Absurd and Foolish Fables + +Volumes might be written upon the infinite absurdity of this most +incredible, wicked and foolish of all the fables contained in that +repository of the impossible, called the Bible. To me it is a matter +of amazement, that it ever was for a moment believed by any intelligent +human being. + + + + +247. The Bible the Work of Man + +Is it not infinitely more reasonable to say that this book is the work +of man, that it is filled with mingled truth and error, with mistakes +and facts, and reflects, too faithfully perhaps, the "very form and +pressure of its time?" If there are mistakes in the Bible, certainly +they were made by man. If there is anything contrary to nature, it +was written by man. If there is anything immoral, cruel, heartless +or infamous, it certainly was never written by a being worthy of the +adoration of mankind. + + + + +248. Something to Admire, not Laugh at + +It strikes me that God might write a book that would not necessarily +excite the laughter of his children. In fact, I think it would be +safe to say that a real God could produce a work that would excite the +admiration of mankind. + + + + +249. An Intellectual Deformity + +The man who now regards the Old Testament as, in any sense, a sacred or +inspired book, is, in my judgment, an intellectual and moral deformity. +There is in it so much that is cruel, ignorant, and ferocious, that it +is to me a matter of amazement that it was ever thought to be the work +of a most merciful Deity. + + + + +250. The Bible a Poor Product + +Admitting that the Bible is the Book of God, is that his only good job? +Will not a man be damned as quick for denying the equator as denying +the Bible? Will he not be damned as quick for denying geology as for +denying the scheme of salvation? When the Bible was first written it was +not believed. Had they known as much about science as we know now, that +Bible would not have been written. + + + + +251. The Bible the Battle Ground of Sects + +Every sect is a certificate that God has not plainly revealed his will +to man. To each reader the Bible conveys a different meaning. About the +meaning of this book, called a revelation, there have been ages of war, +and centuries of sword and flame. If written by an infinite God, he must +have known that these results must follow; and thus knowing, he must be +responsible for all. + + + + +252. The Bible Childish + +Paine thought the barbarities of the Old Testament inconsistent with +what he deemed the real character of God. He believed that murder, +massacre and indiscriminate slaughter had never been commanded by +the Deity. He regarded much of the Bible as childish, unimportant +and foolish. The scientific world entertains the same opinion. Paine +attacked the Bible precisely in the same spirit in which he had attacked +the pretensions of kings. He used the same weapons. All the pomp in the +world could not make him cower. His reason knew no "Holy of Holies," +except the abode of Truth. + + + + +253. Where Moses got the Pentateuch + +Nothing can be clearer than that Moses received from the Egyptians the +principal parts of his narrative, making such changes and additions as +were necessary to satisfy the peculiar superstitions of his own people. + + + + +254. God's Letter to His Children + +According to the theologians, God, the Father of us all, wrote a letter +to his children. The children have always differed somewhat as to the +meaning of this letter. In consequence of these honest differences, +these brothers began to cut out each other's hearts. In every land, +where this letter from God has been read, the children to whom and for +whom it was written have been filled with hatred and malice. They have +imprisoned and murdered each other, and the wives and children of each +other. In the name of God every possible crime has been committed, every +conceivable outrage has been perpetrated. Brave men, tender and loving +women, beautiful girls, and prattling babes have been exterminated in +the name of Jesus Christ. + + + + +255. Examination a Crime + +The Church has burned honesty and rewarded hypocrisy. And all this, +because it was commanded by a book--a book that men had been taught +implicitly to believe, long before they knew one word that was in it. +They had been taught that to doubt the truth of this book--to examine +it, even--was a crime of such enormity that it could not be forgiven, +either in this world or in the next. + + + + +256. Read the Bible--and Then! + +All that is necessary, as it seems to me, to convince any reasonable +person that the Bible is simply and purely of human invention--of +barbarian invention--is to read it. Read it as you would any other book; +think of it as you would any other; get the bandage of reverence from +your eyes; drive from your heart the phantom of fear; push from the +throne of your brain the cowled form of superstition--then read the Holy +Bible, and you will be amazed that you ever, for one moment, supposed a +being of infinite wisdom, goodness and purity, to be the author of such +ignorance and such atrocity. + + + + +257. An Infallible Book Makes Slaves + +Whether the Bible is false or true, is of no consequence in comparison +with the mental freedom of the race. Salvation through slavery is +worthless. Salvation from slavery is inestimable. As long as man +believes the Bible to be infallible, that book is his master. The +civilization of this century is not the child of faith, but of +unbelief--the result of free thought. + + + + +258. Can a Sane Man Believe in Inspiration? + +What man who ever thinks, can believe that blood can appease God? And +yet our entire system of religion is based on that belief. The Jews +pacified Jehovah with the blood of animals, and according to the +Christian system, the blood of Jesus softened the heart of God a little, +and rendered possible the salvation of a fortunate few. It is hard to +conceive how any sane man can read the Bible and still believe in the +doctrine of inspiration. + + + + +259. An Inspiration Test + +The Bible was originally written in the Hebrew language, and the Hebrew +language at that time had no vowels in writing. It was written entirely +with consonants, and without being divided into chapters and verses, and +there was no system of punctuation whatever. After you go home to-night +write an English sentence or two with only consonants close together, +and you will find that it will take twice as much inspiration to read it +as it did to write it. + + + + +260. The Real Bible + +The real Bible is not the work of inspired men, nor prophets, nor +evangelists, nor of Christs. The real Bible has not yet been written, +but is being written. Every man who finds a fact adds a word to this +great book. + + + + +261. The Bad Passages in the Bible not Inspired + +The bad passages in the Bible are not inspired. No God ever upheld +human slavery, polygamy or a war of extermination. No God ever ordered +a soldier to sheathe his sword in the breast of a mother. No God ever +ordered a warrior to butcher a smiling, prattling babe. No God ever +upheld tyranny. No God ever said, be subject to the powers that be. No +God ever endeavored to make man a slave and woman a beast of burden. +There are thousands of good passages in the Bible. Many of them are +true. + +There are in it wise laws, good customs, some lofty and splendid things. +And I do not care whether they are inspired or not, so they are true. +But what I do insist upon is that the bad is not inspired. + + + + +262. Too much Pictorial + +There is no hope for you. It is just as bad to deny hell as it is to +deny heaven. Prof. Swing says the Bible is a poem. Dr. Ryder says it +is a picture. The Garden of Eden is pictorial; a pictorial snake and +a pictorial woman, I suppose, and a pictorial man, and may be it was a +pictorial sin. And only a pictorial atonement! + + + + +263. One Plow worth a Million Sermons + +Man must learn to rely upon himself. Reading Bibles will not protect +him from the blasts of winter, but houses, fire and clothing will. To +prevent famine one plow is worth a million sermons, and even patent +medicines will cure more diseases than all the prayers uttered since the +beginning of the world. + + + + +INFIDELS + + + + +264. The Infidels of 1776 + +By the efforts of these infidels--Paine, Jefferson and Franklin--the +name of God was left out of the Constitution of the United States. They +knew that if an infinite being was put in, no room would be left for the +people. They knew that if any church was made the mistress of the state, +that mistress, like all others, would corrupt, weaken, and destroy. +Washington wished a church, established by law, in Virginia. He was +prevented by Thomas Jefferson. It was only a little while ago that +people were compelled to attend church by law in the Eastern States, +and taxes were raised for the support of churches the same as for the +construction of highways and bridges. The great principle enunciated +in the Constitution has silently repealed most of these laws. In the +presence of this great instrument the constitutions of the States grew +small and mean, and in a few years every law that puts a chain upon the +mind, except in Delaware, will be repealed, and for these our children +may thank the infidels of 1776. + + + + +265. The Legitimate Influence of Religion + +Religion should have the influence upon mankind that its goodness, that +its morality, its justice, its charity, its reason and its argument give +it, and no more. Religion should have the effect upon mankind that it +necessarily has, and no more. + + + + +266. Infidels the Flowers of the World + +The infidels have been the brave and thoughtful men; the flower of all +the world; the pioneers and heralds of the blessed day of liberty and +love; the generous spirits of the unworthy past; the seers and +prophets of our race; the great chivalric souls, proud victors on the +battle-fields of thought, the creditors of all the years to be. + + + + +267. The Noblest Sons of, Earth + +Who at the present day can imagine the courage, the devotion to +principle, the intellectual and moral grandeur it once required to be an +infidel, to brave the Church, her racks, her fagots, her dungeons, her +tongues of fire--to defy and scorn her heaven and her hell--her devil +and her God? They were the noblest sons of earth. They were the real +saviors of our race, the destroyers of superstition, and the creators +of Science. They were the real Titans who bared their grand foreheads to +all the thunderbolts of all the gods. + + + + +268. How Ingersoll became an Infidel + +I may say right here that the Christian idea that any God can make me +His friend by killing mine is about as great a mistake as could be made. +They seem to have the idea that just as soon as God kills all the people +that a person loves, he will then begin to love the Lord. What drew +my attention first to these questions was the doctrine of eternal +punishment. This was so abhorrent to my mind that I began to hate the +book in which it was taught. Then, in reading law, going back to find +the origin of laws, I found one had to go but a little way before the +legislator and priest united. This led me to study a good many of the +religions of the world. At first I was greatly astonished to find most +of them better than ours. I then studied our own system to the best of +my ability, and found that people were palming off upon children +and upon one another as the inspired words of God a book that upheld +slavery, polygamy, and almost every other crime. Whether I am right or +wrong, I became convinced that the Bible is not an inspired book, and +then the only question for me to settle was as to whether I should say +what I believed or not. This realty was not the question in my mind, +because, before even thinking of such a question, I expressed my belief, +and I simply claim that right, and expect to exercise it as long as I +live. I may be damned for it in the next world, but it is a great source +of pleasure to me in this. + + + + +269. Why Should Infidels Die in Fear? + +Why should it be taken for granted that the men who devoted their lives +to the liberation of their fellowmen should have been hissed at in +the hour of death by the snakes of conscience, while men who defended +slavery--practiced polygamy--justified the stealing of babes from the +breasts of mothers, and lashed the naked back of unpaid labor, are +supposed to have passed smilingly from earth to the embraces of the +angels? Why should we think that the brave thinkers, the investigators, +the honest men must have left the crumbling shore of time in dread and +fear, while the instigators of the massacre of St. Bartholomew, the +inventors and users of thumb screws, of iron boots and racks, the +burners and tearers of human flesh, the stealers, the whippers, and the +enslavers of men, the buyers and beaters of maidens, mothers, and babes, +the founders of the inquisition, the makers of chains, the builders of +dungeons, the calumniators of the living, the slanderers of the +dead, and even the murderers of Jesus Christ, all died in the odor of +sanctity, with white, forgiven hands folded upon the breasts of peace, +while the destroyers of prejudice, the breakers of fetters, the creators +of light, died surrounded by the fierce fiends of God? + + + + +270. Infidelity is Liberty + +Infidelity is liberty; all religion is slavery. In every creed man is +the slave of God--woman is the slave of man and the sweet children are +the slaves of all. We do not want creeds; we want knowledge--we want +happiness. + + + + +271. The World in Debt to Infidels + +What would the world be if infidels had never been? Let us be honest. +Did all the priests of Rome increase the mental wealth of man as much +as Bruno? Did all the priests of France do as great a work for the +civilization of the world as Diderot and Voltaire? Did all the ministers +of Scotland add as much to the sum of human knowledge as David Hume? +Have all the clergymen, monks, friars, ministers, priests, bishops, +cardinals, and popes, from the day of Pentecost to the last election, +done as much for human liberty as Thomas Paine? + + + + +272. Infidels the Pioneers of Progress + +The history of intellectual progress is written in the lives of +infidels. Political rights have been preserved by traitors--the liberty +of the mind by heretics. To attack the king was treason--to dispute the +priest was blasphemy. The sword and cross were allies. They defended +each other. The throne and the altar were twins--vultures from the same +egg. It was James I. who said: "No bishop, no king." He might have said: +"No cross, no crown." The king owned the bodies, and the priest the +souls, of men. One lived on taxes, the other on alms. One was a robber, +the other a beggar. These robbers and beggars controlled two worlds. +The king made laws, the priest made creeds. With bowed backs the people +received the burdens of the one, and, with wonder's open mouth, the +dogmas of the other. If any aspired to be free, they were slaughtered by +the king, and every priest was a Herod who slaughtered the children +of the brain. The king ruled by force, the priest by fear, and both by +both. The king said to the people: "God made you peasants, and He made +me king. He made rags and hovels for you, robes and palaces for me. Such +is the justice of God." And the priest said: "God made you ignorant and +vile. He made me holy and wise. If you do not obey me, God will punish +you here and torment you hereafter. Such is the mercy of God." + + + + +273. Infidels the Great Discoverers + +Infidels are the intellectual discoverers. They sail the unknown seas, +and in the realms of thought they touch the shores of other worlds. An +infidel is the finder of a new fact--one who in the mental sky has seen +another star. He is an intellectual capitalist, and for that reason +excites the envy of theological paupers. + + + + +274. The Altar of Reason + +Virtue is a subordination, of the passions to the intellect. It is to +act in accordance with your highest convictions. It does not consist in +believing, but in doing. This is the sublime truth that the Infidels in +all ages have uttered. They have handed the torch from one to the other +through all the years that have fled. Upon the altar of reason they have +kept the sacred fire, and through the long midnight of faith they fed +the divine flame. + + + + +GODS AND DEVILS + + + + +275. Every Nation has Created a God + +Each nation has created a God, and the God has always resembled his +creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved. Each God was +intensely patriotic, and detested all nations but his own. All these +gods demanded praise, flattery and worship. Most of them were pleased +with sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered +a divine perfume. All these gods have insisted on having a vast number +of priests, and the priests have always insisted upon being supported +by the people; and the principle business of these priests has been +to boast that their God could easily vanquish all the other gods put +together. + + + + +276. Gods with Back-Hair + +Man, having always been the physical superior of woman, accounts for +the fact that most of the high gods have been males. Had women been the +physical superior; the powers supposed to be the rulers of Nature would +have been woman, and instead of being represented in the apparel of man, +they would have luxuriated in trains, low-necked dresses, laces and +back-hair. + + + + +277. Creation the Decomposition of the Infinite + +Admitting that a god did create the universe, the question then arises, +of what did he create it? It certainly was not made of nothing. Nothing, +considered in the light of a raw material, is a most decided failure. It +follows, then, that the god must have made the universe out of himself, +he being the only existence. The universe is material, and if it was +made of god, the god must have been material. With this very thought in +his mind, Anaximander of Miletus, said: "Creation is the decomposition +of the infinite." + + + + +278. The Gods Are as the People Are + +No god was ever in advance of the nation that created him. The negroes +represented their deities with black skins and curly hair: The Mongolian +gave to his a yellow complexion and dark almond-shaped eyes. The Jews +were not allowed to paint theirs, or we should have seen Jehovah with +a full beard, an oval face, and an aquiline nose. Zeus was a perfect +Greek, and Jove looked as though a member of the Roman senate. The gods +of Egypt had the patient face and placid look of the loving people who +made them. The gods of northern countries were represented warmly clad +in robes of fur; those of the tropics were naked. The gods of India +were often mounted upon elephants; those of some islanders were great +swimmers, and the deities of the Arctic zone were passionately fond of +whale's blubber. + + + + +279. Gods Shouldn't Make Mistakes + +Generally the devotee has modeled them after himself, and has given them +hands, heads, feet, eyes, ears, and organs of speech. Each nation made +its gods and devils not only speak its language, but put in their mouths +the same mistakes in history, geography, astronomy, and in all matters +of fact, generally made by the people. + + + + +280. Miracles + +No one, in the world's whole history, ever attempted to substantiate a +truth by a miracle. Truth scorns the assistance of miracle. Nothing but +falsehood ever attested itself by signs and wonders. No miracle ever was +performed, and no sane man ever thought he had performed one, and until +one is performed, there can be no evidence of the existence of any power +superior to, and independent of nature. + + + + +281. Plenty of Gods on Hand + +Man has never been at a loss for gods. He has worshipped almost +everything, including the vilest and most disgusting beasts. He has +worshipped fire, earth, air, water, light, stars, and for hundreds, of +ages prostrated himself before enormous snakes. Savage tribes often make +gods of articles they get from civilized people. The Todas worship +a cowbell. The Kodas worship two silver plates, which they regard as +husband and wife, and another tribe manufactured a god out of a king of +hearts. + + + + +282. The Devil Difficulty + +In the olden times the existence of devils was universally admitted. The +people had no doubt upon that subject, and from such belief it followed +as a matter of course, that a person, in order to vanquish these devils, +had either to be a god, or to be assisted by one. All founders of +religions have established their claims to divine origin by controlling +evil spirits, and suspending the laws of nature. Casting out devils was +a certificate of divinity. A prophet, unable to cope with the powers of +darkness, was regarded with contempt. The utterance of the highest and +noblest sentiments, the most blameless and holy life, commanded but +little respect, unless accompanied by power to work miracles and command +spirits. + + + + +283. Was the Devil an Idiot? + +The Christians now claim that Jesus was God. If he was God, of course +the devil knew that fact, and yet, according to this account, the devil +took the omnipotent God and placed him upon a pinnacle of the temple, +and endeavored to induce him, to dash himself against the earth. Failing +in that, he took the creator, owner and governor of the universe up into +an exceeding high mountain, and offered him this world--this grain of +sand--if he, the God of all the worlds, would fall down and worship +him, a poor devil, without even a tax title to one foot of dirt! Is it +possible the devil was such an idiot? Should any great credit be given +to this deity for not being caught with such chaff? Think of it! The +devil--the prince of sharpers--the king of cunning--the master of +finesse, trying to bribe God with a grain of sand that belonged to God! + + + + +284. Industrious Deities + +Few nations have been so poor as to have but one god. Gods were made +so easily, and the raw material cost so little, that generally the god +market was fairly glutted, and heaven crammed with these phantoms. These +gods not only attended to the skies, but were supposed to interfere in +all the affairs of men. They presided over everybody and everything. +They attended to every department. All was supposed to be under their +immediate control. Nothing was too small--nothing too large; the falling +of sparrows and the motions of the planets were alike attended to by +these industrious and observing deities. + + + + +285. God in Idleness + +If a god created the universe, then, there must have been a time when he +commenced to create. Back of that time there must have been an eternity, +during which there had existed nothing--absolutely nothing--except this +supposed god. According to this theory, this god spent an eternity, so +to speak, in an infinite vacuum, and in perfect idleness. + + + + +286. Fancy a Devil Drowning a World + +One of these gods, according to the account, drowned an entire world, +with the exception of eight persons. The old, the young, the beautiful +and the helpless were remorselessly devoured by the shoreless sea. This, +the most fearful tragedy that the imagination of ignorant priests ever +conceived, was the act, not of a devil, but of a god, so-called, whom +men ignorantly worship unto this day. What a stain such an act would +leave upon the character of a devil! + + + + +287. Some Gods Very Particular About Little Things + +From their starry thrones they frequently came to the earth for the +purpose of imparting information to man. It is related of one that he +came amid thunderings and lightnings in order to tell the people that +they should not cook a kid in its mother's milk. Some left their shining +abodes to tell women that they should, or should not, have children, to +inform a priest how to cut and wear his apron, and to give directions as +to the proper manner of cleaning the intestines of a bird. + + + + +288 The Gods of To-day the Scorn of To-morrow + +Nations, like individuals, have their periods of youth, of manhood and +decay. Religions are the same. The same inexorable destiny awaits them +all. The gods created by the nations must perish with their creators. +They were created by men, and like men, they must pass away. The deities +of one age are the by-words of the next. + + + + +289. No Evidence of a God in Nature + +The best minds, even in the religious world, admit that in the material +nature there is no evidence of what they are pleased to call a god. +They find their evidence in the phenomena of intelligence, and very +innocently assert that intelligence is above, and in fact, opposed to +nature. They insist that man, at least, is a special creation; that +he has somewhere in his brain a divine spark, a little portion of the +"Great First Cause." They say that matter cannot produce thought; but +that thought can produce matter. They tell us that man has intelligence, +and therefore there must be an intelligence greater than his. Why not +say, God has intelligence, therefore there must be an intelligence +greater than his? So far as we know, there is no intelligence apart +from matter. We cannot conceive of thought, except as produced within a +brain. + + + + +290. Great Variety in Gods + +Gods have been manufactured after numberless models., and according to +the most grotesque fashions. Some have a thousand arms, some a hundred +heads, some are adorned with necklaces of living snakes, some are armed +with clubs, some with sword and shield, some with bucklers, and some +have wings as a cherub; some were invisible, some would show themselves +entire, and some would only show their backs; some were jealous, some +were foolish, some turned themselves into men, some into swans, some +into bulls, some into doves, and some into Holy-Ghosts, and made love +to the beautiful daughters of men: Some were married--all ought to have +been--and some were considered as old bachelors from all eternity. Some +had children, and the children were turned into gods and worshiped as +their fathers had been. Most of these gods were revengeful, savage, +lustful, and ignorant. As they generally depended upon their priests for +information, their ignorance can hardly excite our astonishment. + + + + +291. God Grows Smaller + +"But," says the religionist, "you cannot explain everything; and that +which you cannot explain, that which you do not comprehend, is my God." +We are explaining more every day. We are understanding more every day; +consequently your God is growing smaller every day. + + + + +292. Give the Devil His Due + +If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, +to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate +of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human +ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of +modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of +civilization. + + + + +293. Casting out Devils + +Even Christ, the supposed son of God, taught that persons were possessed +of evil spirits, and frequently, according to the account, gave proof of +his divine origin and mission by frightening droves of devils out of his +unfortunate countrymen. Casting out devils was his principal employment, +and the devils thus banished generally took occasion to acknowledge him +as the true Messiah; which was not only very kind of them, but quite +fortunate for him. + + + + +294. On the Horns of a Dilemma + +The history of religion is simply the story of man's efforts in all ages +to avoid one of two great powers, and to pacify the other. Both powers +have inspired little else than abject fear. The cold, calculating sneer +of the devil, and the frown of God, were equally terrible. In any event, +man's fate was to be arbitrarily fixed forever by an unknown power +superior to all law, and to all fact. + + + + +295. The Devil and the Swine + +How are you going to prove a miracle? How would you go to work to prove +that the devil entered into a drove of swine? Who saw it, and who would +know a devil if he did see him? + + + + +296. How can I assist God? + +Some tell me that it is the desire of God that I should worship Him? +What for? That I should sacrifice something to Him? What for? Is he in +want? Can I assist Him? If he is in want and I can assist Him and will +not, I would be an ingrate and an infamous wretch. But I am satisfied +that I cannot by any possibility assist the infinite. Whom can I assist? +My fellow men. I can help feed the hungry, clothe the naked, enlighten +ignorance. I can help at least, in some degree, toward covering this +world with a mantle of joy I may be wrong, but I do not believe that +there is any being in this universe who gives rain for praise, who gives +sunshine for prayer, or who blesses a man simply because he kneels. + + + + +297. Can God be Improved? + +If the infinite "Father" allows a majority of his children to live in +ignorance and wretchedness now, what evidence is there that he will ever +improve their condition? Will God have more power? Will he become more +merciful? Will his love for his poor creatures increase? Can the conduct +of infinite wisdom, power and love ever change? Is the infinite capable +of any improvement whatever? + + + + +298. That Dreadful Apple! + +According to the theologians, God prepared this globe expressly for the +habitation of his loved children, and yet he filled the forests with +ferocious beasts; placed serpents in every path; stuffed the world +with earthquakes, and adorned its surface with mountains of flame. +Notwithstanding all this, we are told that the world is perfect; that +it was created by a perfect being, and is therefore necessarily perfect. +The next moment, these same persons will tell us that the world was +cursed; covered with brambles, thistles and thorns, and that man was +doomed to disease and death, simply because our poor, dear mother ate an +apple contrary to the command of an arbitrary God. + + + + +299. The Devils better than the Gods + +Our ancestors not only had their God-factories, but they made devils +as well. These devils were generally disgraced and fallen gods. These +devils generally sympathized with man. In nearly all the theologies, +mythologies and religions, the devils have been much more humane and +merciful than the gods. No devil ever gave one of his generals an order +to kill children and to rip open the bodies of pregnant women. Such +barbarities were always ordered by the good gods! The pestilences were +sent by the most merciful gods! The frightful famine, during which the +dying child with pallid lips sucked the withered bosom of a dead +mother, was sent by the loving gods. No devil was ever charged with such +fiendish brutality. + + + + +300. Is it Possible? + +Is it possible that an infinite God created this world simply to be the +dwelling-place of slaves and serfs? simply for the purpose of raising +orthodox Christians? That he did a few miracles to astonish them; that +all the evils of life are simply his punishments, and that he is finally +going to turn heaven into a kind of religious museum filled with Baptist +barnacles, petrified Presbyterians and Methodist mummies? I want no +heaven for which I must give my reason; no happiness in exchange for +my liberty, and no immortality that demands the surrender of my +individuality. Better rot in the windowless tomb, to which there is no +door but the red mouth of the pallid worm, than wear the jeweled collar +even of a god. + + + + +301. It is Impossible! + +It is impossible to conceive of a more thoroughly despicable, hateful, +and arrogant being, than the Jewish god. He is without a redeeming +feature. In the mythology of the world he has no parallel. He, only, is +never touched by agony and tears. He delights only in blood and pain. +Human affections are naught to him. He cares neither for love nor music, +beauty nor joy. A false friend, an unjust judge, a braggart, hypocrite, +and tyrant. Compared with Jehovah, Pharaoh was a benefactor, and the +tyranny of Egypt was freedom to those who suffered the liberty of God. + + + + +HEAVEN AND HELL + + + + +302. Hope of a Future Life + +For my part I know nothing of any other state of existence, either +before or after this, and I have never become personally acquainted with +anybody who did. There may be another life, and if there is the best +way to prepare for it is by making somebody happy in this. God certainly +cannot afford to put a man in hell who has made a little heaven in this +world. I hope there is another life. I would like to see how things come +out in this world when I am dead. There are some people I should like to +see again, but if there is no other life I shall never know it. + + + + +303. I am Immortal + +So far as I am concerned I am immortal; that is to say, I can't +recollect when I did not exist, and there never will be a time when I +will remember that I do not exist. I would like to have several millions +of dollars, and I may say I have a lively hope that some day I may be +rich; but to tell you the truth I have very little evidence of it. Our +hope of immortality does not come from any religions, but nearly all +religions come from that hope. The Old Testament, instead of telling +us that we are immortal, tells us how we lost immortality. You will +recollect that if Adam and Eve could have gotten to the tree of life, +they would have eaten of its fruit and would have lived forever; but for +the purpose of preventing immortality God turned them out of the Garden +of Eden, and put certain angels with swords or sabres at the gate to +keep them from getting back. The Old Testament proves, if it proves +anything, which I do not think it does, that there is no life after +this; and the New Testament is not very specific on the subject. There +were a great many opportunities for the Savior and his apostles to +tell us about another world, but they didn't improve them to any great +extent; and the only evidence so far as I know about another life is, +first, that we have no evidence; and, secondly, that we are rather sorry +that we have not, and wish we had. That is about my position. + + + + +304. What if Death Does End All? + +And suppose, after all, that death does end all. Next to eternal joy, +next to being forever with those we love and those who have loved us, +next to that is to be wrapped in the dreamless drapery of eternal peace. +Next to eternal life is eternal death. Upon the shadowy shore of death +the sea of trouble casts no wave. Eyes that have been curtained by the +everlasting dark will never know again the touch of tears. Lips that +have been touched by the eternal silence will never utter another word +of grief. Hearts of dust do not break. The dead do not weep. And I had +rather think of those I have loved, and those I have lost, as having +returned to earth, as having become a part of the elemental wealth of +the the world. I would rather think of them as unconscious dust. I would +rather think of them as gurgling in the stream, floating in the cloud, +bursting into light upon the shores of worlds. I would rather think +of them thus than to have even a suspicion that their souls had been +clutched by an orthodox God. + + + + +305. The Old World Ignorant of Destiny + +Moses differed from most of the makers of sacred books by his failure +to say anything of a future life, by failing to promise heaven, and to +threaten hell. Upon the subject of a future state, there is not one +word in the Pentateuch. Probably at that early day God did not deem +it important to make a revelation as to the eternal destiny of man. +He seems to have thought that he could control the Jews, at least, by +rewards and punishments in this world, and so he kept the frightful +realities of eternal joy and torment a profound secret from the people +of his choice. He thought it far more important to tell the Jews their +origin than to enlighten them as to their destiny. + + + + +306. Where the Doctrine of Hell was born + +I honestly believe that the doctrine of hell was born in the glittering +eyes of snakes that run in frightful coils watching for their prey. I +believe it was born in the yelping and howling and growling and snarling +of wild beasts. I believe it was born in the grin of hyenas and in the +malicious clatter of depraved apes. I despise it, I defy it, and I hate +it; and when the great ship freighted with the world goes down in +the night of death, chaos and disaster, I will not be guilty of the +ineffable meanness of pushing from my breast my wife and children and +paddling off in some orthodox canoe. I will go down with those I love +and with those who love me. I will go down with the ship and with my +race. I will go where there is sympathy. I will go with those I love. +Nothing can make me believe that there is any being that is going to +burn and torment and damn his children forever. + + + + +307. The Grand Companionships of Hell + +Since hanging has got to be a means of grace, I would prefer hell. I had +a thousand times rather associate with the pagan philosophers than with +the inquisitors of the middle ages. I certainly should prefer the worst +man in Greek or Roman history to John Calvin, and I can imagine no man +in the world that I would not rather sit on the same bench with than the +puritan fathers and the founders of orthodox churches. I would trade off +my harp any minute for a seat in the other country. All the poets will +be in perdition, and the greatest thinkers, and, I should think, most +of the women whose society would tend to increase the happiness of +man, nearly all the painters, nearly all the sculptors, nearly all +the writers of plays, nearly all the great actors, most of the best +musicians, and nearly all the good fellows--the persons who know good +stories, who can sing songs, or who will loan a friend a dollar. +They will mostly all be in that country, and if I did not live there +permanently, I certainly would want it so I could spend my winter months +there. + + + + +308. Horror of Horrors! + +Let me put one case and I will be through with this branch of the +subject. A husband and wife love each other. The husband is a good +fellow and the wife a splendid woman. They live and love each other and +all at once he is taken sick, and they watch day after day and night +after night around his bedside until their property is wasted and +finally she has to go to work, and she works through eyes blinded with +tears, and the sentinel of love watches at the bedside of her prince, +and at the least breath or the least motion she is awake; and she +attends him night after night and day after day for years, and finally +he dies, and she has him in her arms and covers his wasted face with the +tears of agony and love. He is a believer and she is not. He dies, and +she buries him and puts flowers above his grave, and she goes there in +the twilight of evening and she takes her children, and tells her little +boys and girls through her tears how brave and how true and how tender +their father was, and finally she dies and goes to hell, because she was +not a believer; and he goes to the battlements of heaven and looks over +and sees the woman who loved him with all the wealth of her love, and +whose tears made his dead face holy and sacred, and he looks upon her +in the agonies of hell without having his happiness diminished in the +least. With all due respect to everybody I say, damn any such doctrine +as that. + + + + +309. The Drama of Damnation + +When you come to die, as you look back upon the record of your life, no +matter how many men you have wrecked and ruined, and no matter how many +women you have deceived and deserted--all that may be forgiven you; +but if you recollect that you have laughed at God's book you will see +through the shadows of death, the leering looks of fiends and the forked +tongues of devils. Let me show you how it will be. For instance, it +is the day of judgment. When the man is called up by the recording +secretary, or whoever does the cross-examining, he says to his soul: +"Where are you from?" "I am from the world." "Yes, sir. What kind of a +man were you?" "Well, I don't like to talk about myself." "But you have +to. What kind of a man were you?" "Well, I was a good fellow; I loved +my wife; I loved my children. My home was my heaven; my fireside was my +paradise, and to sit there and see the lights and shadows falling on the +faces of those I love, that to me was a perpetual joy. I never gave one +of them a solitary moment of pain. I don't owe a dollar in the world, +and I left enough to pay my funeral expenses and keep the wolf of want +from the door of the house I loved. That is the kind of a man I am." +"Did you belong to any church?" "I did not. They were too narrow for me. +They were always expecting to be happy simply because somebody else was +to be damned." "Well, did you believe that rib story?" "What rib story? +Do you mean that Adam and Eve business? No, I did not. To tell you the +God's truth, that was a little more than I could swallow." "To hell +with him! Next. Where are you from?" "I'm from the world, too." "Do +you belong to any church?" "Yes, sir, and to the Young Men's Christian +Association." "What is your business?" "Cashier in a bank." "Did you +ever run off with any of the money?" "I don't like to tell, sir." "Well, +but you have to." "Yes, sir; I did." + +"What kind of a bank did you have?" "A savings bank." "How much did you +run off with?" "One hundred thousand dollars." "Did you take anything +else along with you?" "Yes, sir." "What?" "I took my neighbor's wife." +"Did you have a wife and children of your own?" "Yes, sir." "And you +deserted them?" "Oh, yes; but such was my confidence in God that I +believed he would take care of them." "Have you heard of them since?" +"No, sir." "Did you believe that rib story?" "Ah, bless your soul, yes! +I believed all of it, sir; I often used to be sorry that there were +not harder stories yet in the Bible, so that I could show what my faith +could do." "You believed it, did you?" "Yes, with all my heart." "Give +him a harp." + + + + +310. Annihilation rather than be a God + +No God has a right to make a man he intends to drown. Eternal wisdom has +no right to make a poor investment, no right to engage in a speculation +that will not finally pay a dividend. No God has a right to make +a failure, and surely a man who is to be damned forever is not a +conspicuous success. Yet upon love's breast, the Church has placed that +asp; around the child of immortality the Church has coiled the worm that +never dies. For my part I want no heaven, if there is to be a hell. I +would rather be annihilated than be a god and know that one human soul +would have to suffer eternal agony. + + + + +311. "All that have Red Hair shall be Damned." + +I admit that most Christians are honest--always have admitted it. I +admit that most ministers are honest, and that they are doing the best +they can in their way for the good of mankind; but their doctrines are +hurtful; they do harm in the world; and I am going to do what I can +against their doctrines. They preach this infamy: "He that believes +shall be saved, and he that believeth not shall be damned." Every word +of that text has been an instrument of torture; every letter in that +text has been a sword thrust into the bleeding and quivering heart of +man; every letter has been a dungeon; every line has been a chain; and +that infamous sentence has covered this world with blood. I deny that +"whoso believes shall be saved, and he that believeth not shall be +damned." No man can control his belief; you might as well say, "All that +have red hair shall be damned." + + + + +312. The Conscience of a Hyena + +But, after all, what I really want to do is to destroy the idea of +eternal punishment. That doctrine subverts all ideas of justice. That +doctrine fills hell with honest men, and heaven with intellectual and +moral paupers. That doctrine allows people to sin on a credit. That +doctrine allows the basest to be eternally happy and the most honorable +to suffer eternal pain. I think of all doctrines it is the most +infinitely infamous, and would disgrace the lowest savage, and any man +who believes it, and has imagination enough to understand it, has the +heart of a serpent and the conscience of a hyena. + + + + +313. I Leave the Dead + +But for me I leave the dead where nature leaves them, and whatever +flower of hope springs up in my heart I will cherish. But I cannot +believe that there is any being in this universe who has created a +soul for eternal pain, and I would rather that every God would destroy +himself, I would rather that we all should go back to the eternal chaos, +to the black and starless night, than that just one soul should suffer +eternal agony. + + + + +314. Calvin in Hell! + +Swedenborg did one thing for which I feel almost grateful. He gave an +account of having met John Calvin in hell. Nothing connected with the +supernatural could be more natural than this. The only thing detracting +from the value of this report is, that if there is a hell, we know +without visiting the place that John Calvin must be there. + + + + +GOVERNING GREAT MEN + + + + +315. Jesus Christ + +And let me say here once for all, that for the man Christ I have +infinite respect. Let me say once for all that the place where man has +died for man is holy ground. Let me say once for all, to that great and +serene man I gladly pay--I _gladly_ pay the tribute of my admiration and +my tears. He was a reformer in his day. He was an infidel in his +time. He was regarded as a blasphemer, and his life was destroyed by +hypocrites who have in all ages done what they could to trample freedom +out of the human mind. Had I lived at that time I would have been his +friend. And should he come again he will not find a better friend than +I will be. That is for the man. For the theological creation I have +a different feeling. If he was in fact God, he knew there was no such +thing as death; he knew that what we call death was but the eternal +opening of the golden gates of everlasting joy. And it took no heroism +to face a death that was simply eternal life. + + + + +316. The Emperor Constantine. + +The Emperor Constantine, who lifted Christianity into power, murdered +his wife Fausta and his eldest son Crispus the same year that he +convened the council of Nice to decide whether Jesus Christ was a man or +the son of God. The council decided that Christ was substantial with +the Father. This was in the year 325. We are thus indebted to a wife +murderer for settling the vexed question of the divinity of the Savior. +Theodosius called a council at Constantinople in 381, and this council +decided that the Holy Ghost proceeded from the Father. Theodosius, +the younger, assembled another council at Ephesus to ascertain who the +Virgin Mary really was, and it was solemnly decided in the year 431 that +she was the mother of God. In 451 it was decided by a council held at +Chalcedon, called together by the Emperor Marcian, that Christ had two +natures--the human and divine. In 680, in another general council, held +at Constantinople, convened by order of Pognatius, it was also decided +that Christ had two wills, and in the year 1274 it was decided at the +council of Lyons that the Holy Ghost proceeded not only from the Father, +but from the Son as well. Had it not been for these councils we might +have been without a trinity even unto this day. When we take into +consideration the fact that a belief in the trinity is absolutely +essential to salvation, how unfortunate it was for the world that this +doctrine was not established until the year 1274. Think of the millions +that dropped into hell while these questions were being discussed. + + + + +317. Did Franklin and Jefferson Die in Fear? + +The church never has pretended that Jefferson or Franklin died in fear. +Franklin wrote no books against the fables of the ancient Jews. He +thought it useless to cast the pearls of thought before the swine of +ignorance and fear. Jefferson was a statesman. He was the father of a +great party. He gave his views in letters and to trusted friends. He +was a Virginian, author of the Declaration of Independence, founder of a +university, father of a political party, President of the United States, +a statesman and philosopher. He was too powerful for the churches of +his day. Paine was a foreigner, a citizen of the world. He had attacked +Washington and the Bible. He had done these things openly, and what +he had said could not be answered. His arguments were so good that his +character was bad. + + + + +318. Angels at Constantino's Dying Bed! + +The Emperor, stained with every crime, is supposed to have died like a +Christian. We hear nothing of fiends leering at him in the shadows of +death. He does not see the forms of his murdered wife and son covered +with the blood he shed. From his white and shriveled lips issued no +shrieks of terror. He does not cover his glazed eyes with thin and +trembling hands to shut out the visions of hell. His chamber is filled +with the rustle of wings waiting to bear his soul to the thrilling +realms of joy. Against the Emperor Constantine the church has hurled no +anathema. She has accepted the story of his vision in the clouds, and +his holy memory has been guarded by priest and pope. + + + + +319. Diderot + +Diderot was born in 1713. His parents were in what may be called the +humbler walks of life. Like Voltaire, he was educated by the Jesuits. He +had in him something of the vagabond, and was for several years almost a +beggar in Paris. He was endeavoring to live by his pen. In that day and +generation a man without a patron, endeavoring to live by literature, +was necessarily almost a beggar. He nearly starved--frequently going +for days without food. Afterward, when he had something himself, he was +generous as the air. No man ever was more willing to give, and no man +less willing to receive, than Diderot. His motto was, "Incredulity +is the first step toward philosophy." He had the vices of most +Christians--was nearly as immoral as the majority of priests. His vices +he shared in common--his virtues were his own--All who knew him united +in saying that he had the pity of a woman, the generosity of a prince, +the self-denial of an anchorite, the courage of Caesar, an insatiate +thirst foi knowledge, and the enthusiasm of a poet. He attacked with +every power of his mind the superstition of his day. He said what +he thought. The priests hated him. He was in favor of universal +education--the church despised it. He wished to put the knowledge of +the whole world within reach of the poorest. He wished to drive from +the gate of the Garden of Eden the cherubim of superstition, so that +the child of Adam might return to eat once more the fruit of the tree +of knowledge. Every Catholic was his enemy. His poor little desk was +ransacked by the police, searching for manuscripts in which something +might be found that would justify the imprisonment of such a dangerous +man. Whoever, in 1750, wished to increase the knowledge of mankind was +regarded as the enemy of social order. + + + + +320. Benedict Spinoza + +One of the greatest thinkers of the world was Benedict Spinoza--a Jew, +born at Amsterdam in 1638. He studied medicine, and afterward theology. +He asked the rabbis so many questions, and insisted to such a degree on +what he called reason, that his room was preferred to his company. +His Jewish brethren excommunicated him from the synagogue. Under the +terrible curse of their religion he was made an outcast from every +Jewish home. His own father could not give him shelter, and his mother, +after the curse had been pronounced, could not give him bread, could not +even speak to him, without becoming an outcast herself. All the cruelty +of Jehovah was in this curse. Spinoza was but twenty-four years old +when he found himself without friends and without kindred. He uttered +no complaint. He earned his bread with willing hands, and cheerfully +divided his poor crust with those below. He tried to solve the problem +of existence. To him the universe was one. The infinite embraced the +all. The all was God. According to him the universe did not commence to +be. It is; from eternity it was; and to eternity it will be. He insisted +that God is inside, not outside, of what we call substance. To him the +universe was God. + + + + +321. Thomas Paine + +Poverty was his mother--Necessity his master. He had more brains than +books; more sense than education; more courage than politeness; +more strength than polish. He had no veneration for old mistakes--no +admiration for ancient lies. He loved the truth for the truth's +sake, and for man's sake. He saw oppression on every hand; injustice +everywhere; hypocrisy at the altar, venality on the bench, tyranny on +the throne; and with a splendid courage he espoused the cause of the +weak against the strong--of the enslaved many against the titled few. + + + + +322. The Greatest of all Political Writers + +In my judgment, Thomas Paine was the best political writer that ever +lived. "What he wrote was pure nature, and his soul and his pen ever +went together." Ceremony, pageantry, and all the paraphernalia of +power, had no effect upon him. He examined into the why and wherefore of +things. He was perfectly radical in his mode of thought. Nothing short +of the bed-rock satisfied him. His enthusiasm for what he believed to +be right knew no bounds. During all the dark scenes of the Revolution, +never for one moment did he despair. Year after year his brave words +were ringing through the land, and by the bivouac fires the weary +soldiers read the inspiring words of "Common Sense," filled with ideas +sharper than their swords, and consecrated themselves anew to the cause +of Freedom. + + + + +323. The Writings of Paine + +The writings of Paine are gemmed with compact statements that carry +conviction to the dullest. Day and night he labored for America, until +there was a government of the people and for the people. At the close +of the Revolution no one stood higher than Thomas Paine. Had he been +willing to live a hypocrite, he would have been respectable, he at least +could have died surrounded by other hypocrites, and at his death there +would have been an imposing funeral, with miles of carriages, filled +with hypocrites, and above his hypocritical dust there would have been a +hypocritical monument covered with lies. + + + + +324. The Last Words of Paine. + +The truth is, he died as he had lived. Some ministers were impolite +enough to visit him against his will. Several of them he ordered +from his room. A couple of Catholic priests, in all the meekness of +hypocrisy, called that they might enjoy the agonies of a dying friend +of man. Thomas Paine, rising in his bed, the few embers of expiring life +blown into flame by the breath of indignation, had the goodness to curse +them both. His physician, who seems to have been a meddling fool, just +as the cold hand of death was touching the patriot's heart, whispered +in the dull ear of the dying man: "Do you believe, or do you wish to +believe, that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?" And the reply was: "I +have no wish to believe on that subject." These were the last remembered +words of Thomas Paine. He died as serenely as ever Christian passed +away. He died in the full possession of his mind, and on the very brink +and edge of death proclaimed the doctrines of his life. + + + + +325. Paine Believed in God + +Thomas Paine was a champion in both hemispheres of human liberty; one of +the founders and fathers of the Republic; one of the foremost men of his +age. He never wrote a word in favor of injustice. He was a despiser of +slavery. He abhorred tyranny in every form. He wast in the widest and +best sense, a friend of all his race. His head was as clear as his heart +was good, and he had the courage to speak his honest thought. He was +the first man to write these words: "The United States of America." He +proposed the present federal constitution. He furnished every thought +that now glitters in the Declaration of Independence. He believed in one +God and no more. He was a believer even in special providence, and he +hoped for immortality. + + + + +326. The Intellectual Hera + +Thomas Paine was one of the intellectual heroes--one of the men to whom +we are indebted. His name is associated forever with the Great Republic. +As long as free government exists he will be remembered, admired and +honored. He lived a long, laborious and useful life. The world is better +for his having lived. For the sake of truth he accepted hatred and +reproach for his portion. He ate the bitter bread of sorrow. His friends +were untrue to him because he was true to himself, and true to them. He +lost the respect of what is called society, but kept his own. His life +is what the world calls failure and what history calls success. If to +love your fellow-men more than self is goodness, Thomas Paine was good. +If to be in advance of your time--to be a pioneer in the direction of +right--is greatness. + +Thomas Paine was great. If to avow your principles and discharge your +duty in the presence of death is heroic, Thomas Paine was a hero. At the +age of seventy-three, death touched his tired heart. He died in the land +his genius defended--under the flag he gave to the skies. Slander cannot +touch him now--hatred cannot reach him more. He sleeps in the sanctuary +of the tomb, beneath the quiet of the stars. + + + + +327. Paine, Franklin, Jefferson + +In our country there were three infidels--Paine, Franklin and Jefferson. +The colonies were full of superstition, the Puritans with the spirit +of persecution. Laws savage, ignorant, and malignant had been passed in +every colony for the purpose of destroying intellectual liberty. +Mental freedom was absolutely unknown. The toleration acts of +Maryland tolerated only Christians--not infidels, not thinkers, not +investigators. The charity of Roger Williams was not extended to those +who denied the Bible, or suspected the divinity of Christ. It was not +based upon the rights of man, but upon the rights of believers, who +differed in non-essential points. + + + + +328. David Hume + +On the 26th of April, 1711, David Hume was born. David Hume was one of +the few Scotchmen of his day who were not owned by the church. He had +the manliness to examine historical and religious questions for himself, +and the courage to give his conclusions to the world. He was singularly +capable of governing himself. He was a philosopher, and lived a calm +and cheerful life, unstained by an unjust act, free from all excess, +and devoted in a reasonable degree to benefiting his fellow-men. After +examining the Bible he became convinced that it was not true. For +failing to suppress his real opinion, for failing to tell a deliberate +falsehood, he brought upon him the hatred of the church. + + + + +329. Voltaire + +Voltaire was the intellectual autocrat of his time. From his throne at +the foot of the Alps he pointed the finger of scorn at every hypocrite +in Europe. He left the quiver of ridicule without an arrow. He was the +pioneer of his century. He was the assassin of superstition. Through the +shadows of faith and fable, through the darkness of myth and miracle, +through the midnight of Christianity, through the blackness of bigotry, +past cathedral and dungeon, past rack and stake, past altar and throne, +he carried, with brave and chivalric hands, the torch of reason. + + + + +330. John Calvin + +Calvin was of a pallid, bloodless complexion, thin, sickly, irritable, +gloomy, impatient, egotistic, tyrannical, heartless, and infamous. He +was a strange compound of revengeful morality, malicious forgiveness, +ferocious charity, egotistic humility, and a kind of hellish justice. +In other words, he was as near like the God of the Old Testament as his +health permitted. + + + + +331. Calvin's Five Fetters + +This man forged five fetters for the brain. These fetters he called +points. That is to say, predestination, particular redemption, total +depravity, irresistible grace, and the perseverance of the saints. About +the neck of each follower he put a collar bristling with these five iron +points. The presence of all these points on the collar is still the test +of orthodoxy in the church he founded. This man, when in the flush of +youth, was elected to the office of preacher in Geneva. He at once, +in union with Farel, drew up a condensed statement of the Presbyterian +doctrine, and all the citizens of Geneva, on pain of banishment, were +compelled to take an oath that they believed this statement. Of this +proceeding Calvin very innocently remarked that it produced great +satisfaction. A man named Caroli had the audacity to dispute with +Calvin. For this outrage he was banished. + + + + +332. Humboldt + +Humboldt breathed the atmosphere of investigation. Old ideas were +abandoned; old creeds, hallowed by centuries, were thrown aside; thought +became courageous; the athlete, Reason, challenged to mortal combat the +monsters of superstition. + + + + +333. Humbolt's Travels + +Europe becoming too small for his genius, he visited the tropics. He +sailed along the gigantic Amazon--the mysterious Orinoco--traversed the +Pampas--climbed the Andes until he stood upon the crags of Chimborazo, +more than eighteen thousand feet above the level of the sea, and climbed +on until blood flowed from his eyes and lips. For nearly five years he +pursued his investigations in the new world, accompanied by the intrepid +Bonplandi. Nothing escaped his attention. He was the best intellectual +organ of these new revelations of science. He was calm, reflective and +eloquent; filled with a sense of the beautiful, and the love of truth. +His collections were immense, and valuable beyond calculation to every +science. He endured innumerable hardships, braved countless dangers in +unknown and savage lands, and exhausted his fortune for the advancement +of true learning. + + + + +334. Humboldt's Illustrious Companions + +Humboldt was the friend and companion of the greatest poets, historians, +philologists, artists, statesmen, critics, and logicians of his time. +He was the companion of Schiller, who believed that man would be +regenerated through the influence of the Beautiful of Goethe, the grand +patriarch of German literature; of Weiland, who has been called +the Voltaire of Germany; of Herder, who wrote the outlines of a +philosophical history of man; of Kotzebue, who lived in the world of +romance; of Schleiermacher, the pantheist; of Schlegel, who gave to +his countrymen the enchanted realm of Shakespeare; of the sublime Kant, +author of the first work published in Germany on Pure Reason; of Fichte, +the infinite idealist; of Schopenhauer, the European Buddhist who +followed the great Gautama to the painless and dreamless Nirwana, and +of hundreds of others, whose names are familiar to and honored by the +scientific world. + + + + +335. Humboldt the Apostle of Science + +Upon his return to Europe he was hailed as the second Columbus; as the +scientific discover of America; as the revealer of a new world; as the +great demonstrator of the sublime truth, that the universe is governed +by law. I have seen a picture of the old man, sitting upon a mountain +side--above him the eternal snow--below, the smiling valley of the +tropics, filled with vine and palm; his chin upon his breast, his +eyes deep, thoughtful and calm his forehead majestic--grander than the +mountain upon which he sat--crowned with the snow of his whitened hair, +he looked the intellectual autocrat of this world. Not satisfied with +his discoveries in America, he crossed the steppes of Asia, the wastes +of + +Siberia, the great Ural range adding to the knowledge of mankind at +every step. H is energy acknowledged no obstacle, his life knew no +leisure; every day was filled with labor and with thought. He was one +of the apostles of science, and he served his divine master with +a self-sacrificing zeal that knew no abatement; with an ardor that +constantly increased, and with a devotion unwavering and constant as the +polar star. + + + + +336. Ingersoll Muses by Napoleon's Tomb + +A little while ago I stood by the grave of the old Napoleon--a +magnificent tomb of gilt and gold, fit almost for a dead deity--and +gazed upon the sarcophagus of black Egyptian marble, where rest at last +the ashes of the restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and thought +about the career of the greatest soldier of the modern world. I saw him +walking upon the banks of the Seine, contemplating suicide--I saw him +at Toulon--I saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris--I saw +him at the head of the army of Italy--I saw him crossing the bridge of +Lodi with the tri-color in his hand--I saw him in Egypt in the shadows +of the pyramids--I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of +France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Marengo--at Ulm and +Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, where the infantry of the snow and the +cavalry of the wild blast scattered his legions like Winter's withered +leaves. I saw him at Leipsic in defeat and disaster--driven by a million +bayonets back upon Paris--clutched like a wild beast--banished to Elba. +I saw him escape and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw +him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where chance and fate combined +to wreck the fortunes of their former king. And I saw him at St. Helena, +with his hands crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn +sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made--of the tears that +had been shed for his glory, and of the only woman who ever loved him, +pushed from his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said I would +rather have been a French peasant, and worn wooden shoes. I would rather +have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes +growing purple in the kisses of the Autumn sun. I would rather have been +that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day +died out of the sky--with my children upon my knees and their arms about +me; I would rather have been that man and gone down to the tongueless +silence of the dreamless dust, than to have been that imperial +impersonation of force and murder known as Napoleon the Great. And so I +would, ten thousand times. + + + + +337. Eulogy on J. G. Blaine + +This is a grand year--a year filled with recollections of the +Revolution; filled with the proud and tender memories of the past; with +the sacred legends of liberty; a year in which the sons of freedom will +drink from the fountains of enthusiasm; a year in which the people call +for a man who has preserved in Congress what our soldiers won upon +the field; a year in which they call for the man who has torn from the +throat of treason the tongue of slander--for the man who has snatched +the mask of Democracy from the hideous face of rebellion; for this man +who, like an intellectual athlete, has stood in the arena of debate and +challenged all comers, and who is still a total stranger to defeat. Like +an armed warrior, like a plumed knight, James G. Blaine marched down the +halls of the American Congress and threw his shining lance full and +fair against the brazen foreheads of the defamers of his country and the +maligners of her honor. For the Republican party to desert this gallant +leader now is as though an army should desert their General upon the +field of battle. James G. Blaine is now and has been for years the +bearer of the sacred standard of the Republican party. + + + + +338. A Model Leader + +The Republicans of the United States want a man who knows that this +Government should protect every citizen, at home and abroad; who knows +that any Government that will not defend its defenders and protect its +protectors is a disgrace to the map of the world. They demand a man who +believes in the eternal separation and divorcement of church and school. +They demand a man whose political reputation is as spotless as a star; +but they do not demand that their candidate shall have a certificate of +moral character signed by a Confederate Congress. The man who has, in +full, heaped and rounded measure, all these splendid qualifications is +the present grand and gallant leader of the Republican party--James G. +Blaine. Our country, crowned with the vast and marvelous achievements +of its first century, asks for a man worthy of the past and prophetic +of her future; asks for a man who has the audacity of genius; asks for +a man who is the grandest combination of heart, conscience and brain +beneath her flag. Such a man is James G. Blaine. + + + + +339. Abraham Lincoln + +This world has not been fit to live in fifty years. There is no liberty +in it--very little. Why, it is only a few years ago that all the +Christian nations were engaged in the slave trade. It was not until 1808 +that England abolished the slave trade, and up to that time her priests +in her churches and her judges on her benches owned stock in slave +ships, and luxuriated on the profits of piracy and murder; and when a +man stood up and denounced it they mobbed him as though he had been a +common burglar or a horse thief. Think of it! It was not until the 28th +day of August, 1833, that England abolished slavery in her colonies; and +it was not until the 1st day of January, 1862, that Abraham Lincoln, by +direction of the entire North, wiped that infamy out of this country; +and I never speak of Abraham Lincoln but I want to say that he was, in +my judgment, in many respects the grandest man ever President of the +United States. I say that upon his tomb there ought to be this line--and +I know of no other man deserving it so well as he: "Here lies one who +having been clothed with almost absolute power never abused it except on +the side of mercy." + + + + +340. Swedenborg + +Swedenborg was a man of great intellect, of vast acquirements, and of +honest intentions; and I think it equally clear that upon one subject, +at least, his mind was touched, shattered and shaken. Misled by +analogies, imposed upon by the bishop, deceived by the woman, borne to +other worlds upon the wings of dreams, living in the twilight of reason +and the dawn of insanity, he regarded every fact as a patched and ragged +garment with a lining of the costliest silk, and insisted that the wrong +side, even of the silk, was far more beautiful than the right. + + + + +341. Jeremy Bentham + +The glory of Bentham is, that he gave the true basis of morals, and +furnished the statesmen with the star and compass of this sentence: "The +greatest happiness of the greatest number." + + + + +342. Charles Fourier + +Fourier sustained about the same relation to this world that Swedenborg +did to the other. There must be something wrong about the brain of one +who solemnly asserts that "the elephant, the ox and the diamond were +created by the Sun; the horse, the lily, and the ruby, by Saturn; the +cow, the jonquil and the topaz, by Jupiter; and the dog, the violet +and the opal stones by the earth itself." And yet, forgetting these +aberrations of the mind, this lunacy of a great and loving soul, for +one, that's in tender-est regard the memory of Charles Fourier, one of +the best and noblest of our race. + + + + +343. Auguste Comte + +There was in the brain of the great Frenchman--Auguste Comte--the dawn +of that happy day in which humanity will be the only religion, good the +only God, happiness the only object, restitution the only atonement, +mistake the only sin, and affection guided by intelligence, the only +savior of mankind. This dawn enriched his poverty, illuminated the +darkness of his life, peopled his loneliness with the happy millions yet +to be, and filled his eyes with proud and tender tears. When everything +connected with Napoleon, except his crimes, shall be forgotten, Auguste +Comte will be lovingly remembered as a benefactor of the human race. + + + + +344. Herbert Spencer + +Herbert Spencer relies upon evidence, upon demonstration, upon +experience; and occupies himself with one world at a time. He perceives +that there is a mental horizon that we cannot pierce, and that beyond +that is the unknown, possibly the unknowable. He endeavors to examine +only that which is capable of being examined, and considers the +theological method as not only useless, but hurtful. After all God is +but a guess, throned and established by arrogance and assertion. +Turning his attention to those things that have in some way affected +the condition of mankind, Spencer leaves the unknowable to priests and +believers. + + + + +345. Robert Collyer + +I have the honor of a slight acquaintance with Robert Collyer. I have +read with pleasure some of his exquisite productions. He has a brain +full of the dawn, the head of a philosopher, the imagination of a poet +and the sincere heart of a child. Had such men as Robert Collyer and +John Stuart Mill been present at the burning of Servetus, they would +have extinguished the flames with their tears. Had the presbytery of +Chicago been there, they would have quietly turned their backs, solemnly +divided their coat tails, and warmed themselves. + + + + +346. John Milton + +England was filled with Puritan gloom and Episcopal ceremony. All +religious conceptions were of the grossest nature. The ideas of crazy +fanatics and extravagant poets were taken as sober facts. Milton had +clothed Christianity in the soiled and faded finery of the gods--had +added to the story of Christ the fables of Mythology, He gave to the +Protestant Church the most outrageously material ideas of the Deity. +He turned all the angels into soldiers--made heaven a battlefield, put +Christ in uniform, and described God as a militia general. His works +were considered by the Protestants nearly as sacred as the Bible +itself, and the imagination of the people was thoroughly polluted by the +horrible imagery, the sublime absurdity of the blind Milton. + + + + +347. Ernst Haeckel + +Amongst the bravest, side by side with the greatest of the world in +Germany, the land of science--stands Ernst Haeckel, who may be said +not only to have demonstrated the theories of Darwin, but the monistic +conception of the world. He has endeavored--and I think with complete +success--to show that there is not, and never was, and never can be, +the creator of anything. Haeckel is one of the bitterest enemies of the +church, and is, therefore, one of the bravest friends of man. + + + + +348. Professor Swing, a Dove amongst Vultures + +Professor Swing was too good a man to stay in the Presbyterian Church. +He was a rose amongst thistles; he was a dove amongst vultures; and they +hunted him out, and I am glad he came out. I have the greatest respect +for Professor Swing, but I want him to tell whether the 109th Psalm is +inspired. + + + + +349. Queen Victoria and George Eliot + +Compare George Eliot with Queen Victoria. The Queen is clad in garments +given her by blind fortune and unreasoning chance, while George Eliot +wears robes of glory woven in the loom of her own genius. And so it is +the world over. The time is coming when men will be rated at their real +worth; when we shall care nothing for an officer if he does not fill his +place. + + + + +350. Bough on Rabbi Bien + +I will not answer Rabbi Bien, and I will tell you why. Because he has +taken himself outside of all the limits of a gentleman; because he has +taken upon himself to traduce American women in language the beastliest +I ever read; and any man who says that the American women are not just +as good women as any God can make, and pick his mind to-day, is an +unappreciative barbarian. I will let him alone because he denounced all +the men in this country, all the members of Congress, all the members +of the Senate, all the Judges on the bench, as thieves and robbers. I +pronounce him a vulgar falsifier, and let him alone. + + + + +351. General Garfield + +No man has been nominated for the office since I was born, by either +party, who had more brains and more heart than James A. Garfield. He +was a soldier, he is a statesman. In time of peace he preferred the +avocations of peace; when the bugle of war blew in his ears he withdrew +from his work and fought for the flag, and then he went back to the +avocation of peace. And I say to-day that a man who, in a time of +profound peace, makes up his mind that he would like to kill folks for +a living is no better, to say the least of it, than the man who loves +peace in the time of peace, and who, when his country is attacked, +rushes to the rescue of her flag. + + + + +352. "Wealthy in Integrity; In Brain a Millionaire." + +James A. Garfield is to-day a poor man, and you know that there is not +money enough in this magnificent street to buy the honor and manhood of +James A. Garfield. Money cannot make such a man, and I will swear to you +that money cannot buy him. James A. Garfield to-day wears the glorious +robe of honest poverty. He is a poor man; but I like to say it here in +Wall street; I like to say it surrounded by the millions of America; I +like to say it in the midst of banks, and bonds, and stocks; I love to +say it where gold is piled--that, although a poor man, he is rich in +honor, in integrity he is wealthy, and in brain he is a millionaire. + + + + +353. Garfield a Certificate of the Splendor of the American Constitution + +Garfield is a certificate of the splendor of our Government, that says +to every poor boy: "All the avenues of honor are open to you." I +know him and I like him. He is a scholar; he is a statesman; he was a +soldier; he is a patriot; and above all he is a magnificent man, and if +every man in New York knew him as well as I do, Garfield would not lose +a hundred votes in this city. + + + + +354. Dr. W. Hiram Thomas + +The best thing that has come from the other side is from Dr. Thomas. I +regard him as by far the grandest intellect in the Methodist Church. He +is intellectually a wide and tender man. I cannot conceive of an article +being written in a better spirit. He finds a little fault with me for +not being exactly fair. If there were more ministers like Dr. Thomas +the probability is I never should have laid myself liable to criticism. +There is some human nature in me, and I find it exceedingly difficult +to preserve at all times perfect serenity. I have the greatest possible +respect for Dr. Thomas, and must heartily thank him for his perfect +fairness. + + + + +MISCELLANEOUS + + + + +355. Heresy and Orthodoxy + +It has always been the man ahead that has been called the heretic. +Heresy is the last and best thought always! Heresy extends the +hospitality of the brain to a new idea; that is what the rotting says to +flax growing; that is what the dweller in the swamp says to the man on +the sun-lit hill; that is what the man in the darkness cries out to the +grand man upon whose forehead is shining the dawn of a grander day; that +is what the coffin says to the cradle. Orthodoxy is a kind of shroud, +and heresy is a banner--Orthodoxy is a fog and Heresy a star shining +forever upon the cradle of truth. I do not mean simply in religion, I +mean in everything and the idea I wish to impress upon you is that you +should keep your minds open to all the influences of nature, you should +keep your minds open to reason; hear what a man has to say, and do not +let the turtle-shell of bigotry grow above your brain. Give everybody a +chance and an opportunity; that is all. + + + + +356. The Aristocracy that will Survive. + +We used to worship the golden calf, and the worst you can say of us now, +is, we worship the gold of the calf, and even the calves are beginning +to see this distinction. We used to go down on our knees to every man +that held office, now he must fill it if he wishes any respect. We care +nothing for the rich, except what will they do with their money? Do they +benefit mankind? That is the question. You say this man holds an office. +How does he fill it?--that is the question. And there is rapidly growing +up in the world an aristocracy of heart and brain--the only aristocracy +that has a right to exist. + + + + +357. Truth will Bear the Test + +If a man has a diamond that has been examined by the lapidaries of the +world, and some ignorant stonecutter told him that it is nothing but +an ordinary rock, he laughs at him; but if it has not been examined +by lapidaries, and he is a little suspicious himself that it is not +genuine, it makes him mad. Any doctrine that will not bear investigation +is not a fit tenant for the mind of an honest man. Any man who is afraid +to have his doctrine investigated is not only a coward but a hypocrite. + + + + +358. Paring Nails + +Why should we in this age of the world be dominated by the dead? Why +should barbarian Jews who went down to death and dust three thousand +years ago, control the living world? Why should we care for the +superstition of men who began the sabbath by paring their nails, +"beginning at the fourth finger, then going to the second, then to the +fifth, then to the third, and ending with the thumb?" How pleasing to +God this must have been. + + + + +359. There may be a God + +There may be for aught I know, somewhere in the unknown shoreless vast, +some being whose dreams are constellations and within whose thought the +infinite exists. About this being, if such an one exists, I have nothing +to say. He has written no books, inspired no barbarians, required no +worship, and has prepared no hell in which to burn the honest seeker +after truth. + + + + +360. The People are Beginning to Think + +The people are beginning to think, to reason and to investigate. Slowly, +painfully, but surely, the gods are being driven from the earth. Only +upon rare occasions are they, even by the most religious, supposed to +interfere in the affairs of men. In most matters we are at last supposed +to be free. Since the invention of steamships and railways, so that the +products of all countries can be easily interchanged, the gods have quit +the business of producing famine. + + + + +361. Unchained Thought + +For the vagaries of the clouds the infidels propose to substitute the +realities of earth; for superstition, the splendid demonstrations and +achievements of science; and for theological tyranny, the chainless +liberty of thought. + + + + +362. Man the Victor of the Future + +If abuses are destroyed, man must destroy them. If slaves are freed, man +must free them. If new truths are discovered, man must discover them. +If the naked are clothed; if the hungry are fed; if justice is done; +if labor is rewarded; if superstition is driven from the mind; if the +defenseless are protected, and if the right finally triumphs, all must +be the work of man. The grand victories of the future must be won by +man, and by man alone. + + + + +363. The Sacred Sabbath + +Of all the superstitious of mankind, this insanity about the "sacred +Sabbath" is the most absurd. The idea of feeling it a duty to be solemn +and sad one-seventh of the time! To think that we can please an infinite +being by staying in some dark and sombre room, instead of walking in the +perfumed fields! Why should God hate to see a man happy? Why should it +excite his wrath to see a family in the woods, by some babbling stream, +talking, laughing and loving? Nature works on that "sacred" day. The +earth turns, the rivers run, the trees grow, buds burst into flower, and +birds fill the air with song. Why should we look sad, and think about +death, and hear about-hell? Why should that day be filled with gloom +instead of joy? + + + + +364. Make the Sabbath Merry + +Freethinkers should make the Sabbath a day of mirth and music; a day to +spend with wife and child--a day of games, and books, and dreams--a day +to put fresh flowers above our sleeping dead--a day of memory and hope, +of love and rest. + + + + +365. Away to the Hills and the Sea + +A poor mechanic, working all the week in dust and noise, needs a day of +rest and joy, a day to visit stream and wood--a day to live with wife +and child; a day in which to laugh at care, and gather hope and strength +for toils to come. And his weary wife needs a breath of sunny air, away +from street and wall, amid the hills or by the margin of the sea, where +she can sit and prattle with her babe, and fill with happy dreams the +long, glad day. + + + + +366. Melancholy Sundays + +When I was a little fellow most everybody thought that some days were +too sacred for the young ones to enjoy themselves in. That was the +general idea. Sunday used to commence Saturday night at sundown, under +the old text, "The evening and the morning were the first day." They +commenced then, I think, to get a good ready. When the sun went down +Saturday night, darkness ten thousand times deeper than ordinary night +fell upon that house. The boy that looked the sickest was regarded as +the most pious. You could not crack hickory nuts that night, and if you +were caught chewing gum it was another evidence of the total depravity +of the human heart. It was a very solemn evening. We would sometimes +sing, "Another day has passed." Everybody looked as though they had the +dyspesia--you know lots of people think they are pious, just because +they are bilious, as Mr. Hood says. It was a solemn night, and the next +morning the solemnity had increased. Then we went to church, and the +minister was in a pulpit about twenty feet high. If it was in the winter +there was no fire; it was not thought proper to be comfortable while you +were thanking the Lord. The minister commenced at firstly and ran up to +about twenty-fourthly, and then he divided it up again; and then he +made some concluding remarks, and then he said lastly, and when he said +lastly he was about half through. + + + + +367. Moses took Egyptian Law for his Model + +It has been contended for many years that the ten commandments are the +foundation of all ideas of justice and of law. Eminent jurists have +bowed to popular prejudice, and deformed their works by statements to +the effect that the Mosaic laws are the fountains from which sprang all +ideas of right and wrong. Nothing can be more stupidly false than such +assertions. Thousands of years before Moses was born, the Egyptians +had a code of laws. They had laws against blasphemy, murder, adultery, +larceny, perjury, laws for the collection of debts, and the enforcement +of contracts. + + + + +368. A False Standard of Success + +It is not necessary to be rich, nor powerful, nor great, to be a +success; and neither is it necessary to have your name between the +putrid lips of rumor to be great. We have had a false standard of +success. In the years when I was a little boy we read in our books that +no fellow was a success that did not make a fortune or get a big office, +and he generally was a man that slept about three hours a night. They +never put down in the books the gentlemen who succeeded in life and yet +slept all they wanted to. We have had a wrong standard. + + + + +369. Toilers and Idlers + +You can divide mankind into two classes: the laborers and the idlers, +the supporters and the supported, the honest and the dishonest. Every +man is dishonest who lives upon the unpaid labor of others, no matter +if he occupies a throne. All laborers should be brothers. The laborers +should have equal-rights before the world and before the law. And I want +every farmer to consider every man who labors either with hand or brain +as his brother. Until genius and labor formed a partnership there was +no such thing as prosperity among men. Every reaper and mower, every +agricultural implement, has elevated the work of the farmer, and his +vocation grows grander with every invention. In the olden time the +agriculturist was ignorant; he knew nothing of machinery, he was the +slave of superstition. + + + + +370. The Sad Wilderness History + +While reading the Pentateuch, I am filled with indignation, pity and +horror. Nothing can be sadder than the history of the starved and +frightened wretches who wandered over the desolate crags and sands of +wilderness and desert, the prey of famine, sword and plague. Ignorant +and superstitious to the last degree, governed by falsehood, plundered +by hypocrisy, they were the sport of priests, and the food of fear. God +was their greatest enemy, and death their only friend. + + + + +371. Law Much Older than Sinai + +Laws spring from the instinct of self-preservation. Industry objected +to supporting idleness, and laws were made against theft. Laws were made +against murder, because a very large majority of the people have always +objected to being murdered. All fundamental laws were born simply of the +instinct of self-defence. Long before the Jewish savages assembled at +the foot of Sinai, laws had been made and enforced, not only in Egypt +and India, but by every tribe that ever existed. + + + + +372. Who is the Blasphemer? + +There was no pity in inspired war. God raised the black flag, and +commanded his soldiers to kill even the smiling infant in its mother's +arms. Who is the blasphemer; the man who denies the existence of God, or +he who covers the robes of the infinite with innocent blood? + + + + +373. Standing Tip for God + +We are told in the Pentateuch that God, the father of us all, gave +thousands of maidens, after having killed their fathers, their mothers, +and their brothers, to satisfy the brutal lusts of savage men. If there +be a God, I pray him to write in his book, opposite my name, that I +denied this lie for him. + + + + +374. Matter and Force + +The statement in the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, I +cannot accept. It is contrary to my reason, and I cannot believe it. It +appears reasonable for me that force has existed from eternity. Force +cannot, as it appears to me, exist apart from matter. Force, in its +nature, is forever active, and without matter it could not act; and so +I think matter must have existed forever. To conceive of matter without +force, or of force without matter, or of a time when neither existed, +or of a being who existed for an eternity without either, and who out of +nothing created both, is to me utterly impossible. + + + + +375. Haeckel before Moses! + +It may be that I am led to these conclusions by "total depravity," or +that I lack the necessary humility of spirit to satisfactorily harmonize +Haeckel and Moses; or that I am carried away by pride, blinded by +reason, given over to hardness of heart that I might be damned, but I +never can believe that the earth was covered with leaves, and buds, and +flowers, and fruits, before the sun with glittering spear had driven +back the hosts of night. + + + + +376. How was it Done? + +We are told that God made man; and the question naturally arises, how +was this done? Was it by a process of "evolution," "development;" the +"transmission of acquired habits;" the "survival of the fittest," or was +the necessary amount of clay kneaded to the proper consistency, and then +by the hands of God moulded into form? Modern science tells that man has +been evolved, through countless epochs, from the lower forms; that he +is the result of almost an infinite number of actions, reactions, +experiences, states, forms, wants and adaptations. + + + + +377. General Joshua + +My own opinion is that General Joshua knew no more about the motions of +the earth than he did mercy and justice. If he had known that the earth +turned upon its axis at the rate of a thousand miles an hour, and swept +in its course about the sun at the rate of sixty-eight thousand miles +an hour, he would have doubled the hailstones, spoken of in the same +chapter, that the Lord cast down from heaven, and allowed the sun and +moon to rise and set in the usual way. + + + + +378. Early Rising is Barbaric! + +This getting up so early in the morning is a relic of barbarism. It has +made hundreds of thousands of young men curse business. There is no need +of getting up at three or four o'clock in the winter morning. The farmer +who persists in dragging his wife and children from their beds ought to +be visited by a missionary. It is time enough to rise after the sun has +set the example. For what purpose do you get up? To feed the cattle? Why +not feed them more the night before? It is a waste of life. In the old +times they used to get up about three o'clock in the morning, and go to +work long before the sun had risen with "healing upon his wings," and as +a just punishment they all had the ague; and they ought to have it now. + + + + +379. Sleep is Medicine! + +You should not rob your families of sleep. Sleep is the best medicine +in the world. There is no such thing as health, without plenty of sleep. +Sleep until you are thoroughly rented and restored. When you work, work; +and when you get through take a good, long and refreshing sleep. + + + + +380. Never Rise at Four O'Clock + +The man who cannot get a living upon Illinois soil without rising before +daylight ought to starve. Eight hours a day is enough for any farmer to +work except in harvest time. When you rise at four and work till dark +what is life worth? Of what use are all the improvements in farming? +Of what use is all the improved machinery unless it tends to give the +farmer a little more leisure? What is harvesting now, compared with what +it was in the old time? Think of the days of reaping, of cradling, of +raking and binding and mowing. Think of threshing with the flail and +winnowing with the wind. And now think of the reapers and mowers, the +binders and threshing machines, the plows and cultivators, upon which +the farmer rides protected from the sun. If, with all these advantages, +you cannot get a living without rising in the middle of the night, go +into some other business. + + + + +381. The Hermit is Mad + +A hermit is a mad man. Without friends and wife and child, there is +nothing left worth living for. The unsocial are the enemies of joy. They +are filled with egotism and envy, with vanity and hatred. People who +live much alone become narrow and suspicious. They are apt to be the +property of one idea. They begin to think there is no use in anything. +They look upon the happiness of others as a kind of folly. They hate +joyous folks, because, way down in their hearts, they envy them. + + + + +382. Duke Orang-Outang + +I think we came from the lower animals. I am not dead sure of it, but +think so. When I first read about it I didn't like it. My heart was +filled with sympathy for those people who leave nothing to be proud of +except ancestors. I thought how terrible this will be upon the nobility +of the old world. Think of their being forced to trace their ancestry +back to the Duke Orang-Outang or to the Princess Chimpanzee. After +thinking it all over I came to the conclusion that I liked that +doctrine. I became convinced in spite of myself. I read about +rudimentary bones and muscles. I was told that everybody had rudimentary +muscles extending from the ear into the cheek. I asked: "What are they?" +I was told: "They are the remains of muscles; they became rudimentary +from the lack of use." They went into bankruptcy. They are the muscles +with which your ancestors used to flap their ears. Well, at first I was +greatly astonished, and afterward I was more astonished to find they had +become rudimentary. + + + + +383. Self-Made Men + +It is often said of this or that man that he is a self-made man--that +he was born of the poorest and humblest parents, and that with every +obstacle to overcome he became great. This is a mistake. Poverty is +generally an advantage. Most of the intellectual giants of the world +have been nursed at the sad but loving breast of poverty. Most of those +who have climbed highest on the shining ladder of fame commenced at the +lowest round. They were reared in the straw thatched cottages of Europe; +in the log houses of America; in the factories of the great cities; in +the midst of toil; in the smoke and din of labor. + + + + +384. The One Window in the Ark + +A cubit is twenty-two inches; so that the ark was five hundred and fifty +feet long, ninety-one feet and eight inches wide, and fifty-five feet +high. The ark was divided into three stories, and had on top, one window +twenty-two inches square. Ventillation must have been one of Jehovah's +hobbies. Think of a ship larger than the Great Eastern with only one +window, and that but twenty-two inches square! + + + + +385. No Ante-Diluvian Camp-Meetings! + +It is a little curious that when God wished to reform the ante-diluvian +world he said nothing about hell; that he had no revivals, no +camp-meetings, no tracts, no out-pourings of the Holy Ghost, no +baptisms, no noon prayer meetings, and never mentioned the great +doctrine of salvation by faith. If the orthodox creeds of the world are +true, all those people went to hell without ever having heard that such +a place existed. If eternal torment is a fact, surely these miserable +wretches ought to have been warned. They were threatened only with water +when they were in fact doomed to eternal fire! + + + + +386. Hard Work in the Ark + +Eight persons did all the work. They attended to the wants of 175,000 +birds, 3,616 beasts, 1,300 reptiles, and 2,000,000 insects, saying +nothing of countless animalculae. + + + + +387. What did Moses know about the Sun? + +Can we believe that the inspired writer had any idea of the size of the +sun? Draw a circle five inches in diameter, and by its side thrust a pin +through the paper. The hole made by the pin will sustain about the same +relation to the circle that the earth does to the sun. Did he know that +the sun was eight hundred and sixty thousand miles in diameter; that it +was enveloped in an ocean of fire thousands of miles in depth, hotter +even than the Christian's hell? Did he know that the volume of the Earth +is less than one-millionth of that of the sun? Did he know of the one +hundred and four planets belonging to our solar system, all children of +the sun? Did he know of Jupiter eighty-five thousand miles in diameter, +hundreds of times as large as our earth, turning on his axis at the rate +of twenty-five thousand miles an hour accompanied by four moons making +the tour of his orbit once only in fifty years? + + + + +388. Something for Nothing + +It is impossible for me to conceive of something being created for +nothing. Nothing, regarded in the light of raw material, is a decided +failure. I cannot conceive of matter apart from force. Neither is it +possible to think of force disconnected with matter. You cannot imagine +matter going back to absolute nothing. Neither can you imagine nothing +being changed into something. You may be eternally damned if you do not +say that you can conceive these things, but you cannot conceive them. +Account but I cannot help it. In my judgment Moses was mistaken. + + + + +389. Polygamy + +Polygamy is just as pure in Utah as it could have been in the promised +land. Love and virtue are the same the whole world around, and justice +is the same in every star. All the languages of the world are not +sufficient to express the filth of polygamy. It makes of man a beast, +of woman a trembling slave. It destroys the fireside, makes virtue an +outcast, takes from human speech its sweetest words, and leaves the +heart a den, where crawl and hiss the slimy serpents of most loathsome +lust. Civilization rests upon the family. The good family is the unit +of good government. The virtues grow about the holy hearth of home--they +cluster, bloom, and shed their perfume round the fireside where the +one man loves the one woman. + +Lover--husband--wife--mother--father--child--home!--without these sacred +words the world is but a lair, and men and women merely beasts. + + + + +390. The Colonel in the Kitchen--How to Cook a Beefsteak + +There ought to be a law making it a crime, punishable by imprisonment, +to fry a beefsteak. Broil it; it is just as easy, and when broiled it +is delicious. Fried beefsteak is not fit for a wild beast. You can broil +even on a stove. Shut the front damper--open the back one, and then take +off a griddle. There will then be a draft down through this opening. Put +on your steak, using a wire broiler, and not a particle of smoke will +touch it, for the reason that the smoke goes down. If you try to broil +it with the front damper open the smoke will rise. For broiling, coal, +even soft coal, makes a better fire than wood. + + + + +391. Fresh Air + +Make your houses comfortable. Do not huddle together in a little room +around a red-hot stove, with every window fastened down. Do not live in +this poisoned atmosphere, and then, when one of your children dies, put +a piece in the papers commencing with, "Whereas, it has pleased divine +Providence to remove from our midst--." Have plenty of air, and plenty +of warmth. Comfort is health. Do not imagine anything is unhealthy +simply because it is pleasant. This is an old and foolish idea. + + + + +392. Cooking a Fine Art + +Cooking is one of the fine arts. Give your wives and daughters things to +cook, and things to cook with, and they will soon become most excellent +cooks. Good cooking is the basis of civilization. The man whose arteries +and veins are filled with rich blood made of good and well cooked food, +has pluck, courage, endurance and noble impulses. Remember that your +wife should have things to cook with. + + + + +393. Scathing Impeachment of Intemperance + +Intemperance cuts down youth in its vigor, manhood in its strength, and +age in its weakness. It breaks the father's heart, bereaves the doting +mother, extinguishes natural affections, erases conjugal loves, blots +out filial attachments, blights parental hope, and brings down mourning +age in sorrow to the grave. It produces weakness, not strength; +sickness, not health; death, not life. It makes wives widows; children +orphans; fathers fiends, and all of them paupers and beggars. It feeds +rheumatism, nurses gout, welcomes epidemics, invites cholera, imports +pestilence and embraces consumption. It covers the land with idleness, +misery and crime. It fills your jails, supplies your almshouses and +demands your asylums. It engenders controversies, fosters quarrels, and +cherishes riots. It crowds your penitentiaries and furnishes victims to +your scaffolds. It is the life blood of the gambler, the element of +the burglar, the prop of the highwayman and the support of the midnight +incendiary. It countenances the liar, respects the thief, esteems +the blasphemer. It violates obligations, reverences fraud, and honors +infamy. It defames benevolence, hates love, scorns virtue and slanders +innocence. It incites the father to butcher his helpless offspring, +helps the husband to massacre his wife, and the child to grind the +parricidal ax. It burns up men, consumes women, detests life, curses God, +and despises heaven. It suborns witnesses, nurses perjury, defiles +the jury box, and stains the judicial ermine. It degrades the citizen, +debases the legislator, dishonors statesmen, and disarms the patriot. It +brings shame, not honor; terror, not safety; despair, not hope; misery, +not happiness; and with the malevolence of a fiend, it calmly surveys +its frightful desolation, and unsatisfied with its havoc, it poisons +felicity, kills peace, ruins morals, blights confidence, slays +reputation, and wipes out national honors, then curses the world and +laughs at its ruin. + + + + +394. Liberty Defined + +The French convention gave the best definition of liberty I have ever +read: "The liberty of one citizen ceases only where the liberty of +another citizen commences." I know of no better definition. I ask you +to-day to make a declaration of individual independence. And if you are +independent, be just. Allow everybody else to make his declaration of +individual independence. Allow your wife, allow your husband, allow +your children to make theirs. It is a grand thing to be the owner of +yourself. It is a grand thing to protect the rights of others. It is a +sublime thing to be free and just. + + + + +395. Free, Honest Thought + +I am going to say what little I can to make the American people brave +enough and generous enough and kind enough to give everybody else the +rights they have themselves. Can there ever be any progress in this +world to amount to anything until we have liberty? The thoughts of a man +who is not free are not worth much--not much. A man who thinks with the +club of a creed above his head--a man who thinks casting his eye askance +at the flames of hell, is not apt to have very good thoughts. And for +my part, I would not care to have any status or social position even in +heaven if I had to admit that I never would have been there only I got +scared. When we are frightened we do not think very well. If you want to +get at the honest thoughts of a man he must free. If he is not free you +will not get his honest thought. + + + + +396. Ingersoll Prefers Shoemakers to Princes + +The other day there came shoemakers, potters, workers in wood and iron, +from Europe, and they were received in the city of New York as though +they had been princes. They had been sent by the great republic of +France to examine into the arts and manufactures of the great republic +of America. They looked a thousand times better to me than the Edward +Alberts and Albert Edwards--the royal vermin, that live on the body +politic. And I would think much more of our government if it would fete +and feast them, instead of wining and dining the imbeciles of a royal +line. + + + + +397. Sham Dignity + +I hate dignity. I never saw a dignified man that was not after all an +old idiot Dignity is a mask; a dignified man is afraid that you will +know he does not know everything. A man of sense and argument is always +willing to admit what he don't know--why?--because there is so much +that he does know; and that is the first step towards learning +anything--willingness to admit what you don't know, and when you don't +understand a thing, ask--no matter how small and silly it may look to +other people--ask, and after that you know. A man never is in a state of +mind that he can learn until he gets that dignified nonsense out of him. + + + + +398. A Good Time Coming! + +The time is coming when a man will be rated at his real worth, and that +by his brain and heart. We care nothing now about an officer unless he +fills his place. The time will come when no matter how much money a man +has he will not be respected unless he is using it for the benefit of +his fellow-men. It will soon be here. + + + + +399. Who is the True Nobleman? + +We are a great people. Three millions have increased to fifty--thirteen +States to thirty-eight. We have better homes, and more of the +conveniences of life than any other people upon the face of the globe. +The farmers of our country live better than did the kings and princes +two hundred years ago--and they have twice as much sense and heart. +Liberty and labor have given us all. Remember that all men have equal +rights. Remember that the man who acts best his part--who loves +his friends the best--is most willing to help others--truest to the +obligation--who has the best heart--the most feeling--the deepest +sympathies--and who freely gives to others the rights that he claims for +himself, is the true nobleman. We have disfranchised the aristocrats of +the air and have given one country to mankind. + + + + +400. Wanted!--More Manliness + +I had a thousand times rather have a farm and be independent, than to be +President of the United States, without independence, filled with +doubt and trembling, feeling of the popular pulse, resorting to art and +artifice, inquiring about the wind of opinion, and succeeding at last in +losing my self-respect without gaining the respect of others. Man needs +more manliness, more real independence. We must take care of +ourselves. This we can do by labor, and in this way we can preserve our +independence. We should try and choose that business or profession the +pursuit of which will give us the most happiness. Happiness is wealth. +We can be happy without being rich--without holding office--without +being famous. I am not sure that we can be happy with wealth, with +office, or with fame. + + + + +401. Education of Nature + +It has been a favorite idea with me that our forefathers were educated +by nature; that they grew grand as the continent upon which they landed; +that the great rivers--the wide plains--the splendid lakes--the lonely +forests--the sublime mountains--that all these things stole into and +became a part of their being, and they grew great as the country in +which they lived. They began to hate the narrow, contracted views of +Europe. They were educated by their surroundings. + + + + +402. The Worker Wearing the Purple + +I want to see a workingman have a good house, painted white, grass in +the front yard, carpets on the floor and pictures on the wall. I want to +see him a man feeling that he is a king by the divine right of living in +the Republic. And every man here is just a little bit a king, you know. +Every man here is a part of the sovereign power. Every man wears a +little of purple; every man has a little of crown and a little of +sceptre; and every man that will sell his vote for money or be ruled by +prejudice is unfit to be an American citizen. + + + + +403. Flowers + +Beautify your grounds with plants and flowers and vines. Have good +gardens. Remember that everything of beauty tends to the elevation of +man. Every little morning-glory whose purple bosom is thrilled with the +amorous kisses of the sun tends to put a blossom in your heart. Do not +judge of the value of everything by the market reports. Every flower +about a house certifies to the refinement of somebody. Every vine, +climbing and blossoming, tells of love and joy. + + + + +404. Be Happy--Here and Now! + +The grave is not a throne, and a corpse is not a king. The living have +a right to control this world. I think a good deal more of to day than +I do of yesterday, and I think more of to-morrow than I do of this day; +because it is nearly gone--that is the way I feel. The time to be happy +is now; the way to be happy is to make somebody else happy and the place +to be happy is here. + + + + +405. The School House a Fort + +Education is the most radical thing in the world. + +To teach the alphabet is to inaugurate a revolution. To build a school +house is to construct a fort. A library is an arsenal. + + + + +406. We are Getting Free + +We are getting free. We are thinking in every direction. We are +investigating with the microscope and the telescope. We are digging +into the earth and finding souvenirs of all the ages. We are finding out +something about the laws of health and disease. We are adding years to +the span of human life and we are making the world fit to live in. +That is what we are doing, and every man that has an honest thought and +expresses it helps, and every man that tries to keep honest thought from +being expressed is an obstruction and a hindrance. + + + + +407. The Solid Rock + +I have made up my mind that if there is a God He will be merciful to the +merciful. Upon that rock I stand. That He will forgive the forgiving; +upon that rock I stand. That every man should be true to himself, and +that there is no world, no star, in which honesty is a crime; and upon +that rock I stand. An honest man, a good, kind, sweet woman, or a happy +child, has nothing to fear, neither in this world nor the world to come; +and upon that rock I stand. + + + + +INGERSOLL'S FIVE GOSPELS + + + + +408. The Gospel of Cheerfulness + +I believe in the gospel of cheerfulness; the gospel of good nature; in +the gospel of good health. Let us pay some attention to our bodies; take +care of our bodies, and our souls will take care of themselves. Good +health! I believe the time will come when the public thought will be so +great and grand that it will be looked upon as infamous to perpetuate +disease. I believe the time will come when men will not fill the future +with consumption and with insanity. I believe the time will come when +with studying ourselves and understanding the laws of health, we will +say we are under obligations to put the flags of health in the cheeks of +our children. Even if I got to Heaven, and had a harp, I would hate to +look back upon my children and see them diseased, deformed, crazed, all +suffering the penalty of crimes that I had committed. + + + + +409. The Gospel of Liberty + +And I believe, too, in the gospel of liberty,---of giving to others what +we claim. And I believe there is room everywhere for thought, and +the more liberty you give away the more you will have. In liberty +extravagance is economy. Let us be just, let us be generous to each +other. + + + + +410. The Gospel of 'Good Living + +I believe in the gospel of good living. You cannot make any God happy by +fasting. Let us have good food, and let us have it well cooked; it is +a thousand times better to know how to cook it than it is to understand +any theology in the world. I believe in the gospel of good clothes. I +believe in the gospel of good houses; in the gospel of water and soap. + + + + +411. The Gospel of Intelligence + +I believe in the gospel of intelligence. That is the only lever capable +of raising mankind. I believe in the gospel of intelligence; in the +gospel of education. The school-house is my cathedral; the universe +is my Bible. Intelligence must rule triumphant. Humanity is the grand +religion. And no God can put a man into hell in another world who has +made a little heaven in this. God cannot make miserable a man who has +made somebody else happy. God can not hate anybody who is capable of +loving his neighbor. So I believe in this great gospel of generosity. +Ah, but they say it won't do. You must believe. I say no. My gospel +of health will prolong life; my gospel of intelligence, my gospel of +loving, my gospel of good-fellowship will cover the world with happy +homes. My doctrine will put carpets upon your floors, pictures upon your +walls. My doctrine will put books upon your shelves, ideas in your mind. +My doctrine will relieve the world of the abnormal monsters born of the +ignorance of superstition. My doctrine will give us health, wealth, and +happiness. That is what I want. That is what I believe in. + + + + +412. The Gospel of Justice + +I believe in the gospel of justice,--that we must reap what we sow. I do +not believe in forgiveness. If I rob Mr. Smith, and God forgive me, +how does that help Smith? If I by slander cover some poor girl with +the leprosy of some imputed crime, and she withers away like a blighted +flower, and afterwards I get forgiveness, how does that help her? If +there is another world, we have got to settle; no bankruptcy court +there. Pay down. Among the ancient Jews if you committed a crime you +had to kill a sheep; now they say, "Charge it. Put it on the slate." It +won't do. For every crime you commit you must answer to yourself and +to the one you injure. And if you have ever clothed another with +unhappiness as with a garment cf pain, you will never be quite as +happy as though you hadn't done that thing. No forgiveness, eternal, +inexorable, everlasting justice--that is what I believe in. + +And if it goes hard with me, I will stand it. And I will stick to my +logic, and I will bear it like a man. + + + + +GEMS FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL GASKET + + Latest Utterances of Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll, + in a Controversy with Judge Jere 8. Black, + on "The Christian Religion" + + + + +413. The Origin of the Controversy + +Several months ago, _The North American Review_ asked me to write an +article, saying that it would be published if some one would furnish a +reply. I wrote the article that appeared in the August number, and by +me it was entitled "Is All of the Bible Inspired?" Not until the +article was written did I know who was expected to answer. I make this +explanation for the purpose of dissipating the impression that Mr. Black +had been challenged by me. To have struck his shield with my lance might +have given birth to the impression that I was somewhat doubtful as to +the correctness of my position. I naturally expected an answer from some +professional theologian, and was surprised to find that a reply had been +written by a "policeman," who imagined that he had answered my arguments +by simply telling me that my statements were false. It is somewhat +unfortunate that in a discussion like this any one should resort to the +slightest personal detraction. The theme is great enough to engage the +highest faculties of the human mind, and in the investigation of such a +subject vituperation is singularly and vulgarly out of place. Arguments +cannot be answered with insults. It is unfortunate that the intellectual +arena should be entered by a "policeman," who has more confidence in +concussion than discussion. Kindness is strength. Good nature is often +mistaken for virtue, and good health sometimes passes for genius. +Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and +important question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm. +Intelligence is not the foundation of arrogance. Insolence is not logic. +Epithets are the arguments of malice. Candor is the courage of the soul. +Leaving the objectionable portion of Mr. Black's reply, feeling that so +grand a subject should not be blown and tainted with malicious words, I +proceed to answer as best I may the arguments he has urged. + + + + +414. What is Christianity? + +Of course it is still claimed that we are a Christian people, indebted +to something we call Christianity, for all the progress we have made. +There is still a vast difference of opinion as to what Christianity +really is, although many wavering sects have been discussing that +question, with fire and sword through centuries of creed and crime. +Every new sect has been denounced at its birth as illegitimate, as +something born out of orthodox wedlock, and that should have been +allowed to perish on the steps where it was found. + + + + +415. Summary of Evangelical Belief + +Among the evangelical churches there is a substantial agreement +upon what they consider the fundamental truths of the gospel. These +fundamental truths, as I understand them, are:--That there is a personal +God, the creator of the material universe; that he made man of the dust, +and woman from part of the man; that the man and woman were tempted by +the devil; that they were turned out of the garden of Eden; that, about +fifteen hundred years afterward, God's patience having been exhausted by +the wickedness of mankind, He drowned His children, with the exception +of eight persons; that afterward He selected from their descendants +Abraham, and through him the Jewish people; that He gave laws to these +people, and tried to govern them in all things; that He made known His +will in many ways; that He wrought a vast number of miracles; that +He inspired men to write the Bible; that, in the fullness of time, it +having been found impossible to reform mankind, this God came upon earth +as a child born of the Virgin Mary; that He lived in Palestine; that He +preached for about three years, going from place to place, occasionally +raising the dead, curing the blind and the halt; that He was +crucified--for the crime of blasphemy, as the Jews supposed, but, that +as a matter of fact, He was offered as a sacrifice for the sins of +all who might have faith in Him; that He was raised from the dead and +ascended into heaven, where He now is, making intercession for His +followers; that He will forgive the sins of all who believe on Him, +and that those who do not believe will be consigned to the dungeons of +eternal pain. These--(it may be with the addition of the sacraments of +Baptism and the Last Supper)--constitute what is generally known as the +Christian religion. + + + + +416. A Profound Change in the World of Thought + +A profound change has taken place in the world of thought. The pews are +trying to set themselves somewhat above the pulpit. The layman discusses +theology with the minister, and smiles. Christians excuse themselves +for belonging to the church by denying a part of the creed. The idea +is abroad that they who know the most of nature believe the least about +theology. The sciences are regarded as infidels, and facts as scoffers. +Thousands of most excellent people avoid churches, and, with few +exceptions, only those attend prayer meetings who wish to be alone. The +pulpit is losing because the people are rising. + + + + +417. The Believer in the Inspiration of the Bible has too Much to Believe + +But the believer in the inspiration of the Bible is compelled to declare +that there was a time when slavery was right--when men could buy and +women sell their babes. He is compelled to insist that there was a time +when polygamy was the highest form of virtue; when wars of extermination +were waged with the sword of mercy; when religious toleration was a +crime, and when death was the just penalty for having expressed an +honest thought. He must maintain that Jehovah is just as bad now as he +was four thousand years ago, or that he was just as good then as he is +now, but that human conditions have so changed that slavery, polygamy, +religious persecutions and wars of conquest are now perfectly devilish. +Once they were right--once they were commanded by God himself; now, they +are prohibited. There has been such a change in the conditions of man +that, at the present time, the devil is in favor of slavery, polygamy, +religious persecution and wars of conquest. That is to say, the devil +entertains the same opinion to-day that Jehovah held four thousand +years ago, but in the meantime Jehovah has remained exactly the +same--changeless and incapable of change. + + + + +418. A Frank Admission + +It is most cheerfully admitted that a vast number of people not only +believe these things, but hold them in exceeding reverence, and imagine +them to be of the utmost importance to mankind. They regard the Bible as +the only light that God has given for the guidance of His children; that +it is the one star in nature's sky--the foundation of all morality, of +all law, of all order, and of all individual and national progress. They +regard it as the only means we have for ascertaining the will of God, +the origin of man, and the destiny of the soul. In my opinion they were +mistaken. The mistake has hindered in countless ways the civilization of +man. + + + + +419. The Bible Should be Better than any other Book + +In all ages of which any record has been preserved, there have been +those who gave their ideas of justice, charity, liberty, love, and +law. Now, if the Bible is really the work of God, it should contain the +grandest and sublimest truths. It should, in all respects, excel the +works of man. Within that book should be found the best and loftiest +definitions of justice; the truest conceptions of human liberty; the +clearest outlines of duty; the tenderest, the highest, and the noblest +thoughts,--not that the human mind has produced, but that the human mind +is capable of receiving. Upon every page should be found the luminous +evidence of its divine origin. Unless it contains grander and more +wonderful things than man has written, we are not only justified in +saying, but we are compelled to say, that it was written by no being +superior to man. + + + + +420. A Serious Charge + +The Bible has been the fortress and the defense of nearly every crime. +No civilized country could re-enact its laws. And in many respects its +moral code is abhorrent to every good and tender man. It is admitted, +however, that many of its precepts are pure, that many of its laws are +wise and just, and that many of its statements are absolutely true. + + + + +421. If the Bible is Not Verbally Inspired, What Then? + +It may be said that it is unfair to call attention to certain bad things +in the Bible, while the good are not so much as mentioned. To this it +may be replied that a divine being would not put bad things in a book. +Certainly a being of infinite intelligence, power, and goodness could +never fall below the ideal of "depraved and barbarous" man. It will not +do, after we find that the Bible upholds what we now call crimes, to say +that it is not verbally inspired. If the words are not inspired, what +is? It may be said that the thoughts are inspired. But this would +include only the thoughts expressed without words. If the ideas are +inspired, they must be contained in and expressed only by inspired +words; that is to say, the arrangement of the words, with relation to +each other, must have been inspired. + + + + +422. A Hindu Example + +Suppose that we should now discover a Hindu book of equal antiquity with +the Old Testament, containing a defense of slavery, polygamy, wars of +extermination, and religious persecution, would we regard it as evidence +that the writers were inspired by an infinitely wise and merciful God? + + + + +423. A Test Fairly Applied + +Suppose we knew that after "inspired" men had finished the Bible, the +devil had got possession of it and wrote a few passages, what part of +the sacred Scriptures would Christians now pick out as being probably +his work? Which of the following passages would naturally be selected +as having been written by the devil--"Love thy neighbor as thyself," or +"Kill all the males among the little ones, and kill every woman; but all +the women children keep alive for yourselves?" + + + + +424. Suppose! + +It will hardly be claimed at this day, that the passages in the +Bible upholding slavery, polygamy, war, and religious persecution are +evidences of the inspiration of that book. Suppose that there had been +nothing in the Old Testament upholding these crimes would any modern +Christian suspect that it was not inspired on account of that omission? +Suppose that there had been nothing in the Old Testament but laws in +favor of these crimes, would any intelligent Christian now contend that +it was the work of the true God? + + + + +425. Proofs of Civilization + +We know that there was a time in the history of almost every nation when +slavery, polygamy, and wars of extermination were regarded as divine +institutions; when women were looked upon as beasts of burden, and when, +among some people, it was considered the duty of the husband to murder +the wife for differing with him on the subject of religion. Nations that +entertain these views to-day are regarded as savage, and, probably, with +the exception of the South Sea islanders, the Feejees, some citizens +of Delaware, and a few tribes in Central Africa, no human beings can be +found degraded enough to agree upon these subjects with the Jehovah of +the ancient Jews. The only evidence we have, or can have, that a +nation has ceased to be savage is the fact that it has abandoned these +doctrines. To every one, except the theologian, it is perfectly easy to +account for the mistakes, atrocities, and crimes of the past, by +saying that civilization is a slow and painful growth; that the moral +perceptions are cultivated through ages of tyranny, of want, of crime, +and of heroism; that it requires centuries for man to put out the eyes +of self and hold in lofty and in equal poise the scales of justice; +that conscience is born of suffering; that mercy is the child of the +imagination--of the power to put oneself in the sufferers place, and +that man advances only as he becomes acquainted with his surroundings, +with the mutual obligations of life, and learns to take advantage of the +forces of nature. + + + + +426. A Persian Gospel + +Do not misunderstand me. My position is that the cruel passages in +the Old Testament are not inspired; that slavery, polygamy, wars of +extermination, and religious persecution always have been, are, and +forever will be, abhorred and cursed by the honest, virtuous, and the +loving; that the innocent cannot justly suffer for the guilty, and that +vicarious vice and vicarious virtue are equally absurd; that eternal +punishment is eternal revenge; that only the natural can happen; that +miracles prove the dishonesty of the few and the credulity of the many; +and that, according to Matthew, Mark, and Luke, salvation does not +depend upon belief, nor the atonement, nor a "second birth," but that +these gospels are in exact harmony with the declaration of the great +Persian: "Taking the first footstep with the good thought, the second +with the good word, and the third with the good deed, I entered +paradise." The dogmas of the past no longer reach the level of the +highest thought, nor satisfy the hunger of the heart. While dusty +faiths, embalmed and sepulchered in ancient texts, remain the same, +the sympathies of men enlarge; the brain no longer kills its young; the +happy lips give liberty to honest thoughts; the mental firmament expands +and lifts; the broken clouds drift by; the hideous dreams, the foul, +misshapen children of the monstrous night, dissolve and fade. + + + + +427. Man the Author of all Books + +So far as we know, man is the author of all books. If a book had been +found on the earth by the first man, he might have regarded it as the +work of God; but as men were here a good while before any books were +found, and as man has produced a great many books, the probability is +that the Bible is no exception. + + + + +428. God and Brahma + +Can we believe that God ever said of any: "Let his children be +fatherless and his wife a widow; let his children be continually +vagabonds, and beg; let them seek their bread also out of their desolate +places; let the extortioner catch all that he hath and let the stranger +spoil his labor, let there be none to extend mercy unto him, neither let +there be any to favor his fatherless children." If he ever said these +words, surely he had never heard this line, this strain of music, from +the Hindu: "Sweet is the lute to those who have not heard the prattle of +their own children." Jehovah, "from the clouds and darkness of Sinai," +said to the Jews: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me.... Thou +shalt not bow down thyself to them nor serve them; for I, the Lord thy +God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon the +children, unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me." +Contrast this with the words put by the Hindu in the mouth of Brahma: +"I am the same to all mankind. They who honestly serve other gods, +involuntarily worship me. I am he who partaketh of all worship, and I +am the reward of all worshipers." Compare these passages. The first, a +dungeon where crawl the things begot of jealous slime; the other, great +as the domed firmament inlaid with suns. + + + + +429. Matthew, Mark, and Luke + +And I here take occasion to say, that with most of the teachings of the +gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke I most heartily agree. The miraculous +parts must, of course, be thrown aside. I admit that the necessity of +belief, the atonement, and the scheme of salvation are all set forth +in the Gospel of John,--a gospel, in my opinion, not written until long +after the others. + + + + +430. Christianity Takes no Step in Advance + +All the languages of the world have not words of horror enough to +paint the agonies of man when the church had power. Tiberius, Caligula, +Claudius, Nero, Domitian, and Commodus were not as cruel, false, +and base as many of the Christian Popes. Opposite the names of these +imperial criminals write John the XII., Leo the VIII., Boniface the VII., +Benedict the IX., Innocent the III., and Alexander the VI. Was it under +these pontiffs that the "church penetrated the moral darkness like a +new sun," and covered the globe with institutions of mercy? Rome was far +better when Pagan than when Catholic. It was better to allow gladiators +and criminals to fight than to burn honest men. The greatest of Romans +denounced the cruelties of the arena. Seneca condemned the combats even +of wild beasts. He was tender enough to say that "we should have a bond +of sympathy for all sentiment beings, knowing that only the depraved +and base take pleasure in the sight of blood and suffering." Aurelius +compelled the gladiators to fight with blunted swords. Roman lawyers +declared that all men are by nature free and equal. Woman, under Pagan +rule in Rome, become as free as man. Zeno, long before the birth of +Christ, taught that virtue alone establishes a difference between men. +We know that the Civil Law is the foundation of our codes. We know that +fragments of Greek and Roman art--a few manuscripts saved from Christian +destruction, some inventions and discoveries of the Moors--were the +seeds of modern civilization. Christianity, for a thousand years, +taught memory to forget and reason to believe. Not one step was taken in +advance. Over the manuscripts of philosophers and poets, priests, with +their ignorant tongues thrust out, devoutly scrawled the forgeries of +faith. + + + + +431. Christianity a Mixture of Good and Evil + +Mr. Black attributes to me the following expression: "Christianity is +pernicious in its moral effect, darkens the mind, narrows the soul, +arrests the progress of human society, and hinders civilization." I said +no such thing. Strange, that he is only able to answer what I did +not say. I endeavored to show that the passages in the Old Testament +upholding slavery, polygamy, wars of extermination, and religious +intolerance had filled the world with blood and crime. I admitted +that there are many wise and good things in the Old Testament. I also +insisted that the doctrine of the atonement--that is to say, of moral +bankruptcy--the idea that a certain belief is necessary to salvation, +and the frightful dogma of eternal pain, had narrowed the soul, had +darkened the mind, and had arrested the progress of human society. Like +other religions, Christianity is a mixture of good and evil. The church +has made more orphans than it has fed. It has never built asylums enough +to hold the insane of its own making. It has shed more blood than light. + + + + +432. Jehovah, Epictetus and Cicero + +If the Bible is really inspired, Jehovah commanded the Jewish people to +buy the children of the strangers that sojourned among them, and ordered +that the children thus bought should be an inheritance for the children +of the Jews, and that they should be bondmen and bondwomen forever. Yet +Epictetus, a man to whom no revelation was ever made, a man whose soul +followed only the light of nature, and who had never heard of the Jewish +God, was great enough to say: "Will you not remember that your servants +are by nature your brothers, the children of God? In saying that you +have bought them, you look down on the earth and into the pit, on the +wretched law of men long since dead,--but you see not the laws of the +Gods." We find that Jehovah, speaking to his chosen people, assured them +that their bondmen and bondmaids must be "of the heathen that were +round about them." "Of them," said Jehovah, "shall ye buy bondmen +and bondmaids." And yet Cicero, a pagan, Cicero, who had never been +enlightened by reading the Old Testament, had the moral grandeur to +declare: "They who say that we should love our fellow-citizens, but not +foreigners, destroy the universal brotherhood of mankind, with which +benevolence and justice would perish forever." + + + + +433. The Atonement + +In countless ways the Christian world has endeavored, for nearly two +thousand years, to explain the atonement, and every effort has ended in +an an mission that it cannot be understood, and a declaration that it +must be believed. Is it not immoral to teach that man can sin, that he +can harden his heart and pollute his soul, and that, by repenting +and believing something that he does not comprehend, he can avoid the +consequences of his crimes? Has the promise and hope of forgiveness ever +prevented the commission of a sin? Should men be taught that sin gives +happiness here; that they ought to bear the evils of a virtuous life in +this world for the sake of joy in the next; that they can repent between +the last sin and the last breath; that after repentance every stain +of the soul is washed away by the innocent blood of another; that the +serpent of regret will not hiss in the ear of memory; that the saved +will not even pity the victims of their own crimes; that the goodness +of another can be transferred to them; and that sins forgiven cease to +affect the unhappy wretches sinned against? + + + + +434. Sin as a Debt + +The Church says that the sinner is in debt to God, and that the +obligation is discharged by the Saviour. The best that can possibly be +said of such a transaction is, that the debt is transferred, not paid. +The truth is, that a sinner is in debt to the person he has injured. +If a man injures his neighbor, it is not enough for him to get the +forgiveness of God, but he must have the forgiveness of his neighbor. +If a man puts his hand in the fire and God forgives him, his hand will +smart exactly the same. You must, after all, reap what you sow. No god +can give you wheat when you sow tares, and no devil can give you tares +when you sow wheat. + + + + +435. The Logic of the Coffin + +As to the doctrine of the atonement, Mr. Black has nothing to offer +except the barren statement that it is believed by the wisest and the +best. A Mohammedan, speaking in Constantinople, will say the same of the +Koran. A Brahman, in a Hindu temple, will make the same remark, and so +will the American Indian, when he endeavors to enforce something upon +the young of his tribe. He will say: "The best, the greatest of our +tribe have believed in this." This is the argument of the cemetery, the +philosophy of epitaphs, the logic of the coffin. We are the greatest and +wisest and most virtuous of mankind? This statement, that it has been +believed by the best, is made in connection with an admission that it +cannot be fathomed by the wisest. It is not claimed that a thing is +necessarily false because it is not understood, but I do claim that +it is not necessarily true because it cannot be comprehended. I still +insist that "the plan of redemption," as usually preached, is absurd, +unjust, and immoral. + + + + +436. Judas Iscariot + +For nearly two thousand years Judas Iscariot has been execrated by +mankind; and yet, if the doctrine of the atonement is true, upon his +treachery hung the plan of salvation. Suppose Judas had known of this +plan--known that he was selected by Christ for that very purpose, that +Christ was depending on him. And suppose that he also knew that only +by betraying Christ could he save either himself or others; what ought +Judas to have done? Are you willing to rely upon an argument that +justifies the treachery of that wretch? + + + + +437. The Standard of Right + +According to Mr. Black, the man who does not believe in a supreme being +acknowledges no standard of right and wrong in this world, and therefore +can have no theory of rewards and punishments in the next. Is it +possible that only those who believe in the God who persecuted for +opinion's sake have any standard of right and wrong? Were the greatest +men of all antiquity without this standard? In the eyes of intelligent +men of Greece and Rome, were all deeds, whether good or evil, morally +alike? Is it necessary to believe in the existence of an infinite +intelligence before you can have any standard of right and wrong? Is it +possible that a being cannot be just or virtuous unless he believes in +some being infinitely superior to himself? If this doctrine be true, how +can God be just or virtuous? Does He believe in some being superior to +himself? + + + + +438. What is Conscience? + +What is conscience? If man were incapable of suffering, if man could not +feel pain, the word "conscience" never would have passed his lips. The +man who puts himself in the place of another, whose imagination has been +cultivated to the point of feeling the agonies suffered by another, is +the man of conscience. + + + + +439. No Right to Think! + +Mr. Black says, "We have neither jurisdiction or capacity to rejudge +the justice of God." In other words, we have no right to think upon +this subject, no right to examine the questions most vitally affecting +human-kind. We are simply to accept the ignorant statements of barbarian +dead. This question cannot be settled by saying that "it would be a +mere waste of time and space to enumerate the proofs which show that the +universe was created by a pre-existent and self-conscious being." The +time and space should have been "wasted," and the proofs should have +been enumerated. These "proofs" are what the wisest and greatest are +trying to find. Logic is not satisfied with assertion. It cares nothing +for the opinions of the "great," nothing for the prejudices of the many, +and least of all, for the superstitions of the dead. In the world of +science--a fact is a legal tender. Assertions and miracles are base and +spurious coins. We have the right to rejudge the justice even of a god. +No one should throw away his reason--the fruit of all experience. It is +the intellectual capital of the soul, the only light, the only guide, +and without it the brain becomes the palace of an idiot king, attended +by a retinue of thieves and hypocrites. + + + + +440. The Liberty of the Bible + +This is the religious liberty of the Bible. If you had lived in +Palestine, and if the wife of your bosom, dearer to you than your +own soul, had said: "I like the religion of India better than that of +Palestine," it would have been your duty to kill her. "Your eye must not +pity her, your hand must be first upon her, and afterwards the hand of +all the people." If she had said: "Let us worship the sun--the sun that +clothes the earth in garments of green--the sun, the great fireside of +the world--the sun that covers the hills and valleys with flowers--that +gave me your face, and made it possible for me to look into the eyes +of my babe,--let us worship the sun," it was your duty to kill her. You +must throw the first stone, and when against her bosom--a bosom filled +with love for you--you had thrown the jagged and cruel rock, and had +seen the red stream of her life oozing from the dumb lips of death, +you could then look up and receive the congratulations of the God whose +commandment you had obeyed. Is it possible that a being of infinite +mercy ordered a husband to kill his wife for the crime of having +expressed, an opinion on the subject of religion? Has there been found +upon the records of the savage world anything more perfectly fiendish +than this commandment of Jehovah? This is justified on the ground that +"blasphemy was a breach of political allegiance, and idolatry an act of +overt treason." We can understand how a human king stands in need of the +service of his people. We can understand how the desertion of any of +his soldiers weakens his army; but were the king infinite in power, +his strength would still remain the same, and under no conceivable +circumstances could the enemy triumph. + + + + +441. Slavery in Heaven + +According to Mr. Black, there will be slavery in Heaven, and fast by +the throne of God will be the auction-block, and the streets of the New +Jerusalem will be adorned with the whipping-post, while the music of +the harp will be supplemented by the crack of the driver's whip. If some +good Republican would catch Mr. Black, "incorporate him into his family, +tame him, teach him to think, and give him a knowledge of the true +principles of human liberty and government, he would confer upon him a +most beneficent boon." Mr. Black is too late with his protest against +the freedom of his fellow-men. Liberty is making the tour of the world. +Russia has emancipated her serfs; the slave trade is prosecuted only +by thieves and pirates; Spain feels upon her cheek the burning blush +of shame; Brazil, with proud and happy eyes, is looking for the dawn of +freedom's day; the people of the South rejoice that slavery is no more, +and every good and honest man (excepting Mr. Black) of every land and +clime hopes that the limbs of men will never feel again the weary weight +of chains. + + + + +442. Jehovah Breaking His Own Laws + +A very curious thing about these Commandments is that their supposed +author violated nearly every one. From Sinai, according to the account, +He said: "Thou shalt not kill," and yet He ordered the murder of +millions; "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and He gave captured maidens +to gratify the lust of captors; "Thou shalt not steal," and yet He gave +to Jewish marauders the flocks and herds of others; "Thou shalt not +covet thy neighbor's house, nor his wife," and yet He allowed His chosen +people to destroy the homes of neighbors and to steal their wives; +"Honor thy father and mother," and yet this same God had thousands of +fathers butchered, and with the sword of war killed children yet unborn; +"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor," and yet +He sent abroad "lying spirits" to deceive His own prophets, and in a +hundred ways paid tribute to deceit. So far as we know, Jehovah kept +only one of these Commandments--He worshiped no other god. + + + + +443. Who Designed the Designer? + +I know as little as anyone else about the "pla" of the universe; and as +to the "design," I know just as little. It will not do to say that the +universe was designed, and therefore there must be a designer. There +must first be proof that it was "designed." It will not do to say that +the universe has a "plan," and then assert that there must have been an +infinite maker. The idea that a design must have a beginning, and that a +designer need not, is a simple expression of human ignorance. We find +a watch, and we say: "So curious and wonderful a thing must have had a +maker." We find the watchmaker, and we say: "So curious and wonderful a +thing as man must have had a maker." We find God and we then say: "He is +so wonderful that he must _not_ have had a maker." In other words, all +things a little wonderful must have been created, but it is possible for +something to be so wonderful that it always existed. One would suppose +that just as the wonder increased the necessity for a creator increased, +because it is the wonder of the thing that suggests the idea of +creation. Is it possible that a designer exists from all eternity +without design? Was there no design in having an infinite designer? For +me, it is hard to see the plan or design in earthquakes and pestilences. +It is somewhat difficult to discern the design or the benevolence in so +making the world that billions of animals live only on the agonies of +others. The justice of God is not visible to me in the history of this +world. When I think of the suffering and death, of the poverty and +crime, of the cruelty and malice, of the heartlessness of this "design" +and "plan," where beak and claw and tooth tear and rend the quivering +flesh of weakness and despair, I cannot convince myself that it is the +result of infinite wisdom, benevolence, and justice. + + + + +444. What we Know of the Infinite + +Of course, upon a question like this, nothing can be absolutely known. +We live on an atom called Earth, and what we know of the infinite is +almost infinitely limited; but, little as we know, all have an equal +right to give their honest thought. Life is a shadowy, strange, +and winding road on which we travel for a little way--a few short +steps--just from the cradle, with its lullaby of love, to the low and +quiet wayside inn, where all at last must sleep, and where the only +salutation is--Good-night. + + + + +445. The Universe Self-Existent + +The universe, according to my idea, is, always was, and forever will +be. It did not "come into being;" it is the one eternal being--the only +thing that ever did, does, or can exist. It did not "make its own laws." +We know nothing of what we call the laws of Nature except as we gather +the idea of law from the uniformity of phenomena springing from like +conditions. To make myself clear: Water always runs down hill. The +theist says that this happens because there is behind the phenomenon an +active law. As a matter of fact law is this side of the phenomenon. Law +does not cause the phenomenon, but the phenomenon causes the idea of law +in our minds, and this idea is produced from the fact that under like +circumstances the same phenomena always happens. Mr. Black probably +thinks that the difference in the weight of rocks and clouds was created +by law; that parallel lines fail to imite only because it is illegal; +that diameter and circumference could have been so made that it would +be a greater distance across than around a circle, that a straight line +could inclose a triangle if not prevented by law, and that a little +legislation could make it possible for two bodies to occupy the same +space at the same time. It seems to me that law can not be the cause of +phenomena, but it is an effect produced in our minds by their succession +and resemblance. To put a God back of the universe compels us to admit +that there was a time when nothing existed except this God; that this +God had lived from eternity in an infinite vacuum and in an absolute +idleness. The mind of every thoughtful man is forced to one of these two +conclusions, either that the universe is self-existent or that it +was created by a self-existent being. To my mied there are far more +difficulties in the second hypothesis than in the first. + + + + +446. Jehovah's Promise Broken + +If Jehovah was in fact God, He knew the end from the beginning. He knew +that his Bible would be a breastwork behind which tyranny and hypocrisy +would crouch; that it would be quoted by tyrants; that it would be the +defense of robbers called kings and of hypocrites called priests. He +knew that He had taught the Jewish people but little of importance. He +knew that He found them free and left them captives. He knew that He +had never fulfilled the promises made to them. He knew that while other +nations had advanced in art and science his chosen people were savage +still. He promised them the world, and gave them a desert. He promised +them liberty, and He made them slaves. He promised them victory, and He +gave them defeat. He said they should be kings, and He made them +serfs. He promised them universal empire, and gave them exile. When one +finishes the Old Testament, he is compelled to say: Nothing can add to +the misery of a nation whose King is Jehovah! + + + + +447. Character Bather than Creed + +For a thousand years the torch of progress was extinguished in the blood +of Christ, and His disciples, moved by ignorant zeal, by insane, cruel +creeds, destroyed with flame and sword a hundred millions of their +fellow-men. They made this world a hell. But if cathedrals had been +universities--if dungeons of the Inquisition had been laboratories--if +Christians had believed in character instead of creed--if they had taken +from the Bible all the good and thrown away the wicked and absurd--if +domes of temples had been observatories--if priests had been +philosophers--if missionaries had taught the useful arts--if astrology +had been astronomy--if the black art had been chemistry--if superstition +had been science--if religion had been humanity--it would have been a +heaven filled with love, with liberty, and joy. + + + + +448. Mohammed the Prophet of God + +Mohammed was a poor man, a driver of camels. He was without education, +without influence, and without wealth, and yet in a few years he +consolidated thousands of tribes, and millions of men confess that there +is "one God, and Mohammed is his prophet." His success was a thousand +times greater during his life than that of Christ. He was not crucified; +he was a conqueror. "Of all men, he exercised the greatest influence +upon the human race." Never in the world's history did a religion +spread with the rapidity of his. It burst like a storm over the fairest +portions of the globe. If Mr. Black is right in his position that +rapidity is secured only by the direct aid of the Divine Being, +then Mohammed was most certainly the prophet of God. As to wars of +extermination and slavery, Mohammed agreed with Mr. Black, and upon +polygamy with Jehovah. As to religious toleration, he was great enough +to say that "men holding to any form of faith might be saved, provided +they were virtuous." In this he was far in advance both of Jehovah and +Mr. Black. + + + + +449. Wanted!--A Little More Legislation + +We are informed by Mr. Black that "polygamy is neither commanded or +prohibited in the Old Testament--that it is only discouraged." It seems +to me that a little legislation on that subject might have tended to its +"discouragement." But where is the legislation? In the moral code, which +Mr. Black assures us "consists of certain immutable rules to govern the +conduct of all men at all times and at all places in their private and +personal relations with others," not one word is found on the subject of +polygamy. There is nothing "discouraging" in the Ten Commandments, nor +in the records of any conversation Jehovah is claimed to have had with +Moses upon Sinai. The life of Abraham, the story of Jacob and Laban, +the duty of a brother to be the husband of the widow of his deceased +brother, the life of David, taken in connection with the practice of +one who is claimed to have been the wisest of men--all these things are +probably relied on to show that polygamy was at least "discouraged." +Certainly Jehovah had time to instruct Moses as to the infamy of +polygamy. He could have spared a few moments from a description of +patterns of tongs and basins for a subject so important as this. A +few-words in favor of the one wife and one husband--in favor of the +virtuous and loving home--might have taken the place of instructions +as to cutting the garments of priests and fashioning candlesticks and +ounces of gold. If he had left out simply the order that rams' skins +should be dyed red, and in its place had said, "A man shall have but one +wife, and the wife but one husband," how much better it would have been. + + + + +450. Is all that Succeeds Inspired? + +Again, it is urged that "the acceptance of Christianity by a large +portion of the generation contemporary with its Founder and His +Apostles, was under the circumstances, an adjudication as solemn and +authoritative as mortal intelligence could pronounce." If this is true, +then "the acceptance of Buddhism by a large portion of the generation +contemporary with its Founder was an adjudication as solemn and +authoritative as mortal intelligence could pronounce." The same could +be said of Mohammedanism, and, in fact, of every religion that has +ever benefited or cursed this world. This argument, when reduced to its +simplest form, is this: All that succeeds is inspired. + + + + +451. The Morality in Christianity + +The morality in Christianity has never opposed the freedom of thought. +It has never put, nor tended to put, a chain on a human mind, nor a +manacle on a human limb; but the doctrines distinctively Christian--the +necessity of believing a certain thing; the idea that eternal punishment +awaited him who failed to believe; the idea that the innocent can suffer +for the guilty--these things have |opposed, and for a thousand years +substantially destroyed the freedom of the human mind. All religions +have, with ceremony, magic, and mystery, deformed, darkened, and +corrupted, the soul. Around the sturdy oaks of morality have grown and +clung the parasitic, poisonous vines of the miraculous and monstrous. + + + + +452. Miracle Mongers + +St. Irenaeus assures us that all Christians possessed the power of +working miracles; that they prophesied, cast out devils, healed the +sick, and even raised the dead. St. Epiphanius asserts that some rivers +and fountains were annually transmuted into wine, in attestation of the +miracle of Cana, adding that he himself had drunk of these fountains. +St. Augustine declares that one was told in a dream where the bones of +St. Stephen were buried and the bones were thus discovered and brought +to Hippo, and that they raised five dead persons to life, and that in +two years seventy miracles were performed with these relics. Justin +Martyr states that God once sent some angels to guard the human race, +that these angels fell in love with the daughters of men, and became the +fathers of innumerable devils. For hundreds of years miracles were +about the only things that happened. They were wrought by thousands of +Christians, and testified to by millions. The saints and martyrs, the +best and greatest, were the witnesses and workers of wonders. Even +heretics, with the assistance of the devil, could suspend the "laws +of nature." Must we believe these wonderful accounts because they were +written by "good men," by Christians," who made their statements in the +presence and expectation of death"? The truth is that these "good men" +were mistaken. They expected the miraculous. They breathed the air of +the marvelous. They fed their minds on prodigies, and their imaginations +feasted on effects without causes. They were incapable of investigating. +Doubts were regarded as "rude disturbers of the congregation." Credulity +and sanctity walked hand in hand. Reason was danger. Belief was safety. +As the philosophy of the ancients was rendered almost worthless by the +credulity of the common people, so the proverbs of Christ, his religion +of forgiveness, his creed of kindness, were lost in the mist of miracle +and the darkness of superstition. + + + + +453. The Honor Due to Christ + +For the man Christ--for the reformer who loved his fellow-men--for the +man who believed in an Infinite Father, who would shield the innocent +and protect the just--for the martyr who expected to be rescued from the +cruel cross, and who at last, finding that his rope was dust, cried out +in the gathering gloom of death; "My God! My God! Why hast thou forsaken +me?"--for that great and suffering man, mistaken though he was, I have +the highest admiration and respect. That man did not, as I believe, +claim a miraculous origin; he did not pretend to heal the sick nor raise +the dead. He claimed simply to be a man, and taught his fellow-men +that love is stronger far than hate. His life was written by reverent +ignorance. Loving credulity belittled his career with feats of jugglery +and magic art, and priests wishing to persecute and slay, put in his +mouth the words of hatred and revenge. The theological Christ is the +impossible union of the human and divine--man with the attributes of +God, and God with the limitations and weakness of man. + + + + +454. Christianity has no Monopoly in Morals + +The morality of the world is not distinctively Christian. Zoroaster, +Gautama, Mohammed, Confucius, Christ, and, in fact, all founders of +religions, have said to their disciples: You must not steal; You must +not murder; You must not bear false witness; You must discharge your +obligations. Christianity is the ordinary moral code, _plus_ the +miraculous origin of Jesus Christ, his crucifixion, his resurrection, +his ascension, the inspiration of the Bible, the doctrine of the +atonement, and the necessity of belief. Buddhism is the ordinary moral +code, _plus_ the miraculous illumination of Buddha, the performance of +certain ceremonies, a belief in the transmigration of the soul, and +in the final absorption of the human by the infinite. The religion of +Mohammed is the ordinary moral code, _plus_ the belief that Mohammed +was the prophet of God, total abstinence from the use of intoxicating +drinks, a harem for the faithful here and hereafter, ablutions, prayers, +alms, pilgrimages, and fasts. + + + + +455. Old Age in Superstition's Lap + +And here I take occasion to thank Mr. Black for having admitted that +Jehovah gave no commandment against the practice of polygamy, that he +established slavery, waged wars of extermination, and persecuted for +opinions' sake even unto death, Most theologians endeavor to putty, +patch, and paint the wretched record of inspired crime, but Mr. Black +has been bold enough and honest enough to admit the truth. In this age +of fact and demonstration it is refreshing to find a man who believes +so thoroughly in the monstrous and miraculous, the impossible and +immoral--who still clings lovingly to the legends of the bib and +rattle--who through the bitter experiences of a wicked world has kept +the credulity of the cradle, and finds comfort and joy in thinking about +the Garden of Eden, the subtile serpent, the flood, and Babel's tower, +stopped by the jargon of a thousand tongues--who reads with happy eyes +the story of the burning brimstone storm that fell upon the cities +of the plain, and smilingly explains the transformation of the +retrospective Mrs. Lot--who laughs at Egypt's plagues and Pharaoh's +whelmed and drowning hosts--eats manna with the wandering Jews, warms +himself at the burning bush, sees Korah's company by the hungry earth +devoured, claps his wrinkled hands with glee above the heathens' +butchered babes, and longingly looks back to the patriarchal days of +concubines and slaves. How touching when the learned and wise crawl back +in cribs and ask to hear the rhymes and fables once again! How charming +in these hard and scientific times to see old age in Superstition's lap, +with eager lips upon her withered breast! + + + + +456. Ararat in Chicago + +A little while ago, in the city of Chicago, a gentleman addressed a +number of Sunday-school children. In his address he stated that some +people were wicked enough to deny the story of the deluge; that he was +a traveler; that he had been to the top of Mount Ararat, and had brought +with him a stone from that sacred locality. The children were then +invited to form in procession and walk by the pulpit, for the purpose of +seeing this wonderful stone. After they had looked at it, the lecturer +said: "Now, children, if you ever hear anybody deny the story of the +deluge, or say that the ark did not rest on Mount Ararat, you can tell +them that you know better, because you have seen with your own eyes a +stone from that very mountain." + + + + +457. How Gods and Devils are Made + +It was supposed that God demanded worship; that he loved to be +flattered; that he delighted in sacrifice; that nothing made him happier +than to see ignorant faith upon its knees; that above all things he +hated and despised doubters and heretics, and regarded investigation as +rebellion. Each community felt it a duty to see that the enemies of God +were converted or killed. To allow a heretic to live in peace was +to invite the wrath of God. Every public evil--every misfortune--was +accounted for by something the community had permitted or done. When +epidemics appeared, brought by ignorance and welcomed by filth, the +heretic was brought out and sacrificed to appease the anger of God. +By putting intention behind what man called good, God was produced. By +putting intention behind what man called bad, the Devil was created. +Leave this "intention" out, and gods and devils fade away. If not a +human being existed, the sun would continue to shine, and tempest now +and then would devastate the earth; the rain would fall in pleasant +showers; violets would spread their velvet bosoms to the sun, the +earthquake would devour, birds would sing, and daisies bloom, and +roses blush, and volcanoes fill the heavens with their lurid glare; the +procession of the seasons would not be broken, and the stars would shine +as serenely as though the world were filled with loving hearts and happy +homes. + + + + +458. The Romance of Figures + +How long, according to the universal benevolence of the New Testament, +can a man be reasonably punished in the next world for failing to +believe something unreasonable in this? Can it be possible that any +punishment can endure forever? Suppose that every flake of snow that +ever fell was a figure nine, and that the first flake was multiplied by +the second, and that product by the third, and so on to the last flake. +And then suppose that this total should be multiplied by every drop of +rain that ever fell, calling each drop a figure nine; and that total by +each blade of grass that ever helped to weave a carpet for the earth, +calling each blade a figure nine; and that again by every grain of sand +on every shore, so that the grand total would make a line of nines so +long that it would require millions upon millions of years for light, +traveling at the rate of one hundred and eighty-five thousand miles per +second, to reach the end. And suppose, further, that each unit in this +almost infinite total, stood for billions of ages--still that vast and +almost endless time, measured by all the years beyond, is as one flake, +one drop, one leaf, one blade, one grain, compared with all the flakes, +and drops, and leaves, and blades and grains. Upon love's breast the +Church has placed the eternal asp. And yet, in the same book in which is +taught this most infamous of doctrines, we are assured that "The Lord is +good to all, and his tender mercies are over all his works." + + + + +459. God and Zeno + +If the Bible is inspired, Jehovah, God of all worlds, actually said: +"And if a man smite his servant or his maid with a rod, and he die under +his hand, he shall be surely punished; notwithstanding, if he continue +a day or two, he shall not be punished, for he is his money." And yet +Zeno, founder of the Stoics, centuries before Christ was born, insisted +that no man could be the owner of another, and that the title was bad, +whether the slave had become so by conquest, or by purchase. Jehovah, +ordered a Jewish general to make war, and gave, among others, this +command: "When the Lord thy God shall drive them before thee, thou shalt +smite them and utterly destroy them." And yet Epictetus, whom we have +already quoted, gave this marvelous rule for the guidance of human +conduct: "Live with thy inferiors as thou wouldst have thy superiors +live with thee." + + + + +460. Why was Christ so Silent? + +If Christ was in fact God, he knew all the future. Before him, like a +panorama, moved the history yet to be. He knew exactly how his words +would be interpreted. He knew what crimes, what horrors, what infamies, +would be committed in his name. He knew that the fires of persecution +would climb around the limbs of countless martyrs. He knew that brave +men would languish in dungeons, in darkness, filled with pain; that the +church would use instruments of torture, that his followers would appeal +to whip and chain. He must have seen the horizon of the future red with +the flames of the _auto da fe_. He knew all the creeds that would spring +like poison fungi from every text. He saw the sects waging war against +each other. He saw thousands of men, under the orders of priests, +building dungeons for their fellow-men. He saw them using instruments +of pain. He heard the groans, saw the faces white with agony, the tears, +the blood--heard the shrieks and sobs of all the moaning, martyred +multitudes. He knew that commentaries would be written on his words with +swords, to be read by the light of fagots. He knew that the Inquisition +would be born of teachings attributed to him. He saw all the +interpolations and falsehoods that hypocrisy would write and tell. He +knew that above these fields of death, these dungeons, these burnings, +for a thousand years would float the dripping banner of the cross. He +knew that in his name his followers would trade in human flesh, that +cradles would be robbed and women's breasts unbabed for gold;--and yet +he died with voiceless lips. Why did he fail to speak? Why did he not +tell his disciples, and through them the world, that man should not +persecute, for opinion's sake, his fellow-man? Why did he not cry, You +shall not persecute in my name; you shall not burn and torment those who +differ from you in creed? Why did he not plainly say, I am the Son of +God? Why did he not explain the doctrine of the trinity? Why did he not +tell the manner of baptism that was pleasing to him? Why did he not say +something positive, definite, and satisfactory about another world? Why +did he not turn the tear-stained hope of heaven to the glad knowledge +of another life? Why did he go dumbly to his death, leaving the world to +misery and to doubt? + + + + +461. The Philosophy of Action + +Consequences determine the quality of an action. If consequences are +good, so is the action. If actions had no consequences, they would be +neither good nor bad. Man did not get his knowledge of the consequences +of actions from God, but from experience and reason. If man can, by +actual experiment, discover the right and wrong of actions, is it not +utterly illogical to declare that they who do not believe in God can +have no standard of right and wrong? Consequences are the standard by +which actions are judged. They are the children that testify as to the +real character of their parents. God or no God, larceny is the enemy of +industry--industry is the mother of prosperity--prosperity is a good, +and therefore larceny is an evil. God or no God, murder is a crime. +There has always been a law against larceny, because the laborer wishes +to enjoy the fruit of his toil. As long as men object to being killed, +murder will be illegal. + + + + +462. Infinite Punishment for Finite Crimes. + +I have insisted, and I still insist, that it is still impossible for +a finite man to commit a crime deserving infinite punishment; and upon +this subject Mr. Black admits that "no revelation has lifted the veil +between time and eternity;" and, consequently, neither the priest nor +the "policeman" knows anything with certainty regarding another world. +He simply insists that "in shadowy figures we are warned that a very +marked distinction will be made between the good and bad in the next +world." There is "a very marked distinction" in this; but there is this +rainbow in the darkest human cloud: The worst have hope of reform. All I +insist is, if there is another life, the basest soul that finds its way +to that dark or radiant shore will have the everlasting chance of +doing right. Nothing but the most cruel ignorance, the most heartless +superstition, the most ignorant theology, ever imagined that the +few days of human life spent here, surrounded by mists and clouds of +darkness, blown over life's sea by storms and tempests of passion, fixed +for all eternity the condition of the human race. If this doctrine be +true, this life is but a net, in which Jehovah catches souls for hell. + + + + +463. Whence Came the Gospels? + +We are told that "there is no good reason to doubt that the statements +of the Evangelists, as we have them now, are genuine." The fact is, no +one knows who made the "statements of the Evangelists." There are three +important manuscripts upon which the Christian world relies. "The first +appeared in the catalogue of the Vatican, in 1475. This contains the +Old Testament. Of the New, it contains the four gospels,--the Acts, the +seven Catholic Epistles, nine of the Pauline Epistles, and the +Epistle to the Hebrews, so far as the fourteenth verse of the ninth +chapter,"--and nothing more. This is known as the Codex Vatican. "The +second, the Alexandrine, was presented to King Charles the First, in +1628. It contains the Old and New Testaments, with some exceptions; +passages are wanting in Matthew, in John, and in II. Corinthians. It +also contains the Epistle of Clemens Romanus, a letter of Athanasius, +and the treatise of Eusebius on the Psalms." The last is the Sinaitic +Codex, discovered about 1850, at the Convent of St. Catherine's, on +Mount Sinai. "It contains the Old and New Testaments, and in addition +the entire Epistle of Barnabas, and a portion of the Shepherd of +Hennas--two books which, up to the beginning of the fourth century, were +looked upon by many as Scripture." In this manuscript, or codex, the +gospel of St. Mark concludes with the eighth verse of the sixteenth +chapter, leaving out the frightful passage: "Go ye into all the world, +and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is +baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned." In +matters of the utmost importance these manuscripts disagree, but even if +they all agreed it would not furnish the slightest evidence of their +truth. It will not do to call the statements made in the gospels +"depositions," until it is absolutely established who made them, and the +circumstances under which they were made. Neither can we say that "they +were made in the immediate prospect of death," until we know who made +them. It is absurd to say that "the witnesses could not have been +mistaken, because the nature of the facts precluded the possibility of +any delusion about them." Can it be pretended that the witnesses could +not have been mistaken about the relation the Holy Ghost is alleged to +have sustained to Jesus Christ? Is there no possibility of delusion +about a circumstance of that kind? Did the writers of the four gospels +have "the sensible and true avouch of their own eyes and ears" in that +behalf? How was it possible for any one of the four Evangelists to know +that Christ was the Son of God, or that he was God? His mother wrote +nothing on the subject. Matthew says that an angel of the Lord told +Joseph in a dream, but Joseph never wrote an account of this wonderful +vision. Luke tells us that the angel had a conversation with Mary, and +that Mary told Elizabeth, but Elizabeth never wrote a word. There is no +account of Mary, or Joseph, or Elizabeth, or the angel, having had any +conversation with Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John, in which one word was +said about the miraculous origin of Jesus Christ. The persons who knew +did not write, so that the account is nothing but hearsay. Does Mr. +Black pretend that such statements would be admitted as evidence in any +court? But how do we know that the disciples of Christ wrote a word of +the gospels? How did it happen that Christ wrote nothing? How do we know +that the writers of the gospels "were men of unimpeachable character?" + + + + +464. Mr. Black's Admission + +For the purpose of defending the character of his infallible God, Mr. +Black is forced to defend religious intolerance, wars of extermination, +human slavery, and almost polygamy. He admits that God established +slavery; that he commanded his chosen people to buy the children of the +heathen; that heathen fathers and mothers did right to sell their girls +and boys; that God ordered the Jews to wage wars of extermination and +conquest; that it was right to kill the old and young; that God forged +manacles for the human brain; that he commanded husbands to murder their +wives for suggesting the worship of the sun or moon; and that every +cruel, savage passage in the Old Testament was inspired by him. Such is +a "policeman's" view of God. + + + + +465. The Stars Upon the Door of France + +Mr. Black justifies all the crimes and horrors, excuses all the tortures +of all the Christian years, by denouncing the cruelties of the French +Revolution. Thinking people will not hasten to admit that an infinitely +good being authorized slavery in Judea, because of the atrocities of the +French Revolution. They will remember the sufferings of the Huguenots. +They will remember the massacre of St. Bartholomew. They will not forget +the countless cruelties of priest and king. They will not forget the +dungeons of the Bastile. They will know that the Revolution was an +effect, and that liberty was not the cause--that atheism was not the +cause. Behind the Revolution they will see altar and throne--sword and +fagot--palace and cathedral--king and priest--master and slave--tyrant +and hypocrite. They will see that the excesses, the cruelties, and +crimes were but the natural fruit of seeds the church had sown. But the +Revolution was not entirely evil. Upon that cloud of war, black with +the myriad miseries of a thousand years, dabbled with blood of king and +queen, of patriot and priest, there was this bow: "Beneath the flag of +France all men are free." In spite of all the blood and crime, in spite +of deeds that seem insanely base, the People placed upon a Nation's brow +these stars:--Liberty, Fraternity, Equality--grander words than ever +issued from Jehovah's lips. + + + + +A KIND WORD FOR JOHN CHINAMAN + +On the 27th day of March, 1880, Messrs. Wright, Dickey, O'Conner, and +Murch, of the Select Committee appointed by Congress to "Consider +the causes of the present depression of labor," presented the majority +special report on Chinese Immigration. The following quotations are +excerpts from Col. R. G. Ingersoll's caustic review of that report. + + + + +466. The Select Committee Afraid + +These gentlemen are in great fear for the future of our most holy and +perfectly authenticated religion, and have, like faithful watchmen, +from the walls and towers of Zion, hastened to give the alarm. They have +informed Congress that "Joss has his temple of worship in the Chinese +quarters, in San Francisco. Within the walls of a dilapidated structure +is exposed to the view of the faithful the God of the Chinaman, and here +are his altars of worship, Here he tears up his pieces of paper; here he +offers up his prayers; here he receives his religious consolations, +and here is his road to the celestial land." That "Joss is located in a +long, narrow room, in a building in a back alley, upon a kind of altar;" +that "he is a wooden image, looking as much like an alligator as like a +human being;" that the Chinese "think there is such a place as heaven;" +that "all classes of Chinamen worship idols;" that "the temple is open +every day at all hours;" that "the Chinese have no Sunday;" that this +heathen god has "huge jaws, a big red tongue, large white teeth, a half +dozen arms, and big, fiery, eyeballs. About him are placed offerings of +meat, and other eatables--a sacrificial offering." + + + + +467. The Gods of the Joss-House and Patmos + +No wonder that these members of the committee were shocked at such a +god, knowing as they did, that the only true God was correctly described +by the inspired lunatic of Patmos in the following words: "And there sat +in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks one like unto the Son of +Man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps +with a golden girdle. His head and his hairs were white like wool, as +white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and his feet like +unto fine brass as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the +sound of many waters. And he had in his right hand seven stars; and out +of his mouth went a sharp, two-edged sword; and his countenance was as +the sun shining in his strength." Certainly, a large mouth, filled +with white teeth, is preferable to one used as the scabbard of a sharp, +two-edged sword. Why should these gentlemen object to a god with big +fiery eyeballs, when their own Deity has eyes like a flame of fire? + + + + +468. A Little Too Late + +Is it not a little late in the day to object to people because they +sacrifice meat and other eatables to their god? We all know, that for +thousands of years the "real" God was exceedingly fond of roasted meat; +that He loved the savor of burning flesh, and delighted in the perfume +of fresh warm blood. + + + + +469. Christianity has a Fair Show in San Francisco + +The world is also informed by these gentlemen that "the idolatry of +the Chinese produces a demoralizing effect upon our American youth by +bringing sacred things into disrespect and making religion a theme of +disgust and contempt." In San Francisco there are some three hundred +thousand people. Is it possible that a few Chinese can bring "our holy +religion" into disgust and contempt? In that city there are fifty times +as many churches as joss-houses. Scores of sermons are uttered every +week; religious books and papers are plentiful as leaves in autumn, and +somewhat dryer; thousands of bibles are within the reach of all. + + + + +470. An Arrow from the Quiver of Satire + +And there, too, is the example of a Christian city. Why should we send +missionaries to China, if we cannot convert the heathen when they come +here? When missionaries go to a foreign land the poor benighted people +have to take their word for the blessings showered upon a Christian +people; but when the heathen come here, they can see for themselves. +What was simply a story becomes a demonstrated fact. They come in +contact with people who love their enemies. They see that in a Christian +land men tell the truth; that they will not take advantage of strangers; +that they are just and patient; kind and tender; and have no prejudice +on account of color, race or religion; that they look upon mankind as +brethren; that they speak of God as a Universal Father, and are +willing to work and even to suffer, for the good, not only of their own +countrymen, but of the heathen as well. All this the Chinese see and +know, and why they still cling to the religion of their country is, to +me, a matter of amazement. + + + + +471. We Have no Religious System + +I take this, the earliest opportunity, to inform these gentlemen +composing a majority of the committee, that we have in the United States +no "religious system;" that this is a secular government. That it has +no religious creed; that it does not believe nor disbelieve in a future +state of reward or punishment; that it neither affirms nor denies the +existence of a "living" God. + + + + +472. Congress Nothing to Do with Religion + +Congress has nothing to do with the religion of the people. Its members +are not responsible to God for the opinions of their constituents, and +it may tend to the happiness of the constituents for me to state that +they are in no way responsible for the religion of the members. Religion +is an individual, not a national matter. And where the nation interferes +with the right of conscience, the liberties of the people are devoured +by the monster Superstition. + + + + +473. Concessions of the Illustrious Four! + +But I am astonished that four Christian statesmen, four members of +Congress in the last quarter of the nineteenth century, who seriously +object to people on account of their religious convictions, should +still assert that the very religion in which they believe--and the only +religion established by the living god-head of the American system--is +not adapted to the spiritual needs of one-third of the human race. It is +amazing that these four gentlemen have, in the defense of the Christian +religion, announced the discovery that it is wholly inadequate for +the civilization of mankind; that the light of the cross can never +penetrate the darkness of China; "that all the labors of the missionary, +the example of the good, the exalted character of our civilization, make +no impression upon the pagan life of the Chinese;" and that even +the report of this committee will not tend to elevate, refine and +Christianize the yellow heathen of the Pacific coast. In the name +of religion these gentlemen have denied its power and mocked at the +enthusiasm of its founder. Worse than this, they have predicted for the +Chinese a future of ignorance and idolatry in this world, and, if the +"American system" of religion is true, hell-fire in the next. + + + + +474. Do not Trample on John Chinaman + +Do not trample upon these people because they have a different +conception of things about which even this committee knows nothing. +Give them the same privilege you enjoy of making a God after their own +fashion. And let them describe him as they will. Would you be willing +to have them remain, if one of their race, thousands of years ago, had +pretended to have seen God, and had written of him as follows: "There +went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth; coals +were kindled by it, * * * and he rode upon a cherub and did fly." Why +should you object to these people on account of their religion? Your +objection has in it the spirit of hate and intolerance. Of that spirit +the Inquisition was born. That spirit lighted the fagot, made the +thumb-screw, put chains upon the limbs, and lashes upon the backs of +men. The same spirit bought and sold, captured and kidnapped human +beings; sold babes, and justified all the horrors of slavery. + + + + +475. Be Honest with the Chinese + +If you wish to drive out the Chinese, do not make a pretext of religion. +Do not pretend that you are trying to do God a favor. Injustice in his +name is doubly detestable. The assassin cannot sanctify his dagger by +falling on his knees, and it does not help a falsehood if it be uttered +as a prayer. Religion, used, to intensify the hatred of men toward men, +under the pretense of pleasing God, has cursed this world. + + + + +476. An Honest Merchant the Best Missionary + +I am almost sure that I have read somewhere that "Christ died for _all_ +men," and that "God is no respecter of persons." It was once taught +that it was the duty of Christians to tell to all people the "tidings of +great joy." I have never believed these things myself, but have always +contended that an honest merchant was the best missionary. Commerce +makes friends, religion makes enemies; the one enriches, and the other +impoverishes; the one thrives best where the truth is told, the other +where falsehoods are believed. For myself, I have but little confidence +in any business, or enterprise, or investment, that promises dividends +only after the death of the stockholders. + + + + +477. Good Words from Confucius + +For the benefit of these four philosophers and prophets, I will give a +few extracts from the writings of Confucius that will, in my judgment, +compare favorably with the best passages of their report: + +"My doctrine is that man must be true to the principles of his nature, +and the benevolent exercises of them toward others." + +"With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and with my bended arm +for a pillow, I still have joy." + +"Riches and honor acquired by injustice are to me but floating clouds." + +"The man who, in view of gain, thinks of righteousness; who, in view of +danger, forgets life; and who remembers an old agreement, however far +back it extends, such a man may be reckoned a complete man." + +"Recompense injury with justice, and kindness with kindness." + +There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's +life: Reciprocity is that word. + + + + +478. The Ancient Chinese + +When the ancestors of the four Christian Congressmen were barbarians, +when they lived in caves, gnawed bones, and worshiped dry snakes; the +infamous Chinese were reading these sublime sentences of Confucius. When +the forefathers of these Christian statesmen were hunting toads to +get the jewels out of their heads to be used as charms, the wretched +Chinamen were calculating eclipses, and measuring the circumference +of the earth. When the progenitors of these representatives of the +"American system of religion" were burning women charged with nursing +devils, these people "incapable of being influenced by the exalted +character of our civilization," were building asylums for the insane. + + + + +479. The Chinese and Civil Service Reform + +Neither should it be forgotten that, for thousands of years, the Chinese +have honestly practised the great principle known as civil service +reform--a something that even the administration of Mr. Hayes has +reached only through the proxy of promise. + + + + +480. Invading China in the Name of Opium and Christ + +The English battered down the door of China in the names of Opium and +Christ. This infamy was regarded as another triumph of the gospel. +At last in self-defense the Chinese allowed Christians to touch their +shores. Their wise men, their philosophers, protested, and prophesied +that time would show that Christians could not be trusted. This re port +proves that the wise men were not only philosophers but prophets. + + + + +481. Don't be Dishonest in the Name of God + +Treat China as you would England. Keep a treaty while it is in force. +Change it if you will, according to the laws of nations, but on no +account excuse a breach of national faith by pretending that we are +dishonest for God's sake. + + + + +CONCERNING CREEDS AND THE TYRANNY OF SECTS + + + + +482. Diversity of Opinion Abolished by Henry VIII + +In the reign of Henry VIII--that pious and moral founder of the +apostolic Episcopal Church,--there was passed by the parliament +of England an act entitled, "An act for abolishing of diversity of +opinion." And in this act was set forth what a good Christian was +obliged to believe: + +First, That in the sacrament was the real body and blood of Jesus +Christ. + +Second, That the body and blood of Jesus Christ was in the bread, and +the blood and body of Jesus Christ was in the wine. + +Third, That priests should not marry. + +Fourth, That vows of chastity were of perpetual obligation. + +Fifth, That private masses ought to be continued; and, + +Sixth, That auricular confession to a priest must be maintained. + +This creed was made by law, in order that all men might know just what +to believe by simply reading the statute. The Church hated to see the +people wearing out their brains in thinking upon these subjects. + + + + +483. Spencer and Darwin Damned + +According to the philosophy of theology, man has continued to degenerate +for six thousand years. To teach that there is that in nature which +impels to higher forms and grander ends, is heresy, of course. The +Deity will damn Spencer and his "Evolution," Darwin and his "Origin +of Species," Bastian and his "Spontaneous Generation," Huxley and his +"Protoplasm," Tyndall and his "Prayer Gauge," and will save those, and +those only, who declare that the universe has been cursed, from the +smallest atom to the grandest star; that everything tends to evil and to +that only, and that the only perfect thing in nature is the Presbyterian +Confession of Faith. + + + + +484. The Dead do Not Persecute + +Imagine a vine that grows at one end and decays at the other. The +end that grows is heresy, the end that rots is orthodox. The dead are +orthodox, and your cemetery is the most perfect type of a well regulated +church. No thought, no progress, no heresy there. Slowly and silently, +side by side, the satisfied members peacefully decay. There is only this +difference--the dead do not persecute. + + + + +485. The Atheist a Legal Outcast in Illinois + +The supreme court of Illinois decided, in the year of grace 1856, that +an unbeliever in the existence of an intelligent First Cause could not +be allowed to testify in any court. His wife and children might have +been murdered before his very face, and yet in the absence of other +witnesses, the murderer could not have even been indicted. The atheist +was a legal outcast. To him, Justice was not only blind, but deaf. He +was liable, like other men, to support the government, and was forced to +contribute his share towards paying the salaries of the very judges +who decided that under no circumstances could his voice be heard in any +court. This was the law of Illinois, and so remained until the adoption +of the new Constitution By such infamous means has the Church endeavored +to chain the human mind, and protect the majesty of her God. + + + + +486. How the Owls Hoot + +Now and then somebody examines, and in spite of all keeps his manhood, +and has the courage to follow where his reason leads. Then the pious +get together and repeat wise saws, and exchange knowing nods and most +prophetic winks. The stupidly wise sit owl-like on the dead limbs of the +tree of knowledge, and solemnly hoot. + + + + +487. The Fate of Theological Students + +Thousands of young men are being educated at this moment by the various +Churches. What for? In order that they may be prepared to investigate +the phenomena by which we are surrounded? No! The object, and the only +object, is that they may be prepared to defend a creed; that they may +learn the arguments of their respective churches, and repeat them in +the dull ears of a thoughtless congregation. If one, after being thus +trained at the expense of the Methodists, turns Presbyterian or Baptist, +he is denounced as an ungrateful wretch. Honest investigation is utterly +impossible within the pale of any Church, for the reason, that if you +think the Church is right you will not investigate, and if you think it +wrong, the Church will investigate you. The consequence of this is, +that most of the theological literature is the result of suppression, of +fear, tyranny and hypocrisy. + + + + +488. Trials for Heresy + +A trial for heresy means that the spirit of persecution still lingers in +the Church; that it still denies the right of private judgment; that it +still thinks more of creed than truth, and that it is still determined +to prevent the intellectual growth of man. It means the churches are +shambles in which are bought and sold the souls of men. It means that +the Church is still guilty of the barbarity of opposing thought with +force. It means that if it had the power, the mental horizon would be +bound by a creed; that it would bring again the whips and chains and +dungeon keys, the rack and fagot of the past. + + + + +489. Presbyterianism Softening + +Fortunately for us, civilization has had a softening effect even upon +the Presbyterian Church. To the ennobling influence of the arts and +sciences the savage spirit of Calvinism has, in some slight degree, +succumbed. True, the old creed remains substantially as it was written, +but by a kind of tacit understanding it has come to be regarded as a +relic of the past. The cry of "heresy" has been growing fainter and +fainter, and, as a consequence, the ministers of that denomination +have ventured, now and then, to express doubts as to the damnation of +infants, and the doctrine of total depravity. + + + + +490. The Methodist "Hoist with his own Petard." + +A few years ago a Methodist clergyman took it upon himself to give me a +piece of friendly advice. "Although you may disbelieve the bible," said +he, "you ought not to say so. That, you should keep to yourself." "Do +you believe the bible," said I. He replied, "Most assuredly." To which +I retorted, "Your answer conveys no information to me. You may be +following your own advice. You told me to suppress my opinions. Of +course a man who will advise others to dissimulate will not always be +particular about telling the truth himself." + + + + +491. The Precious Doctrine of Total Depravity + +What a precious doctrine is that of the total depravity of the human +heart! How sweet it is to believe that the lives of all the good and +great were continual sins and perpetual crimes; that the love a mother +bears her child is, in the sight of God, a sin; that the gratitude of +the natural heart is simple meanness; that the tears of pity are impure; +that for the unconverted to live and labor for others is an offense to +heaven; that the noblest aspirations of the soul are low and groveling +in the sight of God. + + + + +492. Guilty of Heresy + +Whoever has an opinion of his own, and honestly expresses it, will be +guilty of heresy. Heresy is what the minority believe; it is the name +given by the powerful to the doctrine of the weak. This word was born of +the hatred, arrogance and cruelty of those who love their enemies, and +who, when smitten on one cheek, turn the other. This word was born of +intellectual slavery in the feudal ages of thought. It was an epithet +used in the place of argument. From the commencement of the Christian +era, every art has been exhausted and every conceivable punishment +inflicted to force all people to hold the same religious opinions. This +effort was born of the idea that a certain belief was necessary to the +salvation of the soul. + + + + +493. Dishonest Teachers. + +One great trouble is that most teachers are dishonest. They teach as +certainties those things concerning which they entertain doubts. They +do not say, "we _think_ this is so," but "we _know_ this is so." They do +not appeal to the reason of the pupil, but they command his faith. They +keep all doubts to themselves; they do not explain, they assert. All +this is infamous. + + + + +494. Self-Reliance a Deadly Sin! + +In all ages reason has been regarded as the enemy of religion. Nothing +has been considered so pleasing to the Deity as a total denial of the +authority of your own mind. Self-reliance has been thought a deadly +sin; and the idea of living and dying without the aid and consolation +of superstition has always horrified the Church. By some unaccountable +infatuation, belief has been and still is considered of immense +importance. All religions have been based upon the idea that God will +forever reward the true believer, and eternally damn the man who doubts +or denies. Belief is regarded as the one essential thing. To practice +justice, to love mercy, is not enough. You must believe in some +incomprehensible creed. You must say, "Once one is three, and three +times one is one." The man who practiced every virtue, but failed to +believe, was execrated. Nothing so outrages the feelings of the Church +as a moral unbeliever--nothing so horrible as a charitable Atheist. + + + + +495. A Hundred and Fifty Years Ago + +One hundred and fifty years ago the foremost preachers would have +perished at the stake. A Universalist would have been torn in pieces in +England, Scotland, and America. Unitarians would have found themselves +in the stocks, pelted by the rabble with dead cats, after which their +ears would have been cut off, their tongues bored, and their foreheads +branded. + + + + +496. The Despotism of Faith + +The despotism of faith is justified upon the ground that Christian +countries are the grandest and most prosperous of the world. At one time +the same thing could have been truly said in India, in Egypt, in Greece, +in Rome, and in every other country that has, in the history of the +world, swept to empire. This argument proves too much not only, but the +assumption upon which it is based is utterly false. + + + + +497. Believe, or Beware + +And what does a trial for heresy mean? It means that the Church says +a heretic, "Believe as I do, or I will withdraw my support. I will not +employ you. I will pursue you until your garments are rags; until your +children cry for bread; until your cheeks are furrowed with tears. I +will hunt you to the very portals of the grave." + + + + +498. Calvin's Petrified Heart + +Luther denounced mental liberty with all the coarse and brutal vigor +of his nature; Calvin despised, from the very bottom of his petrified +heart, anything that even looked like religious toleration, and solemnly +declared that to advocate it was to crucify Christ afresh. All the +founders of all the orthodox churches have advocated the same infamous +tenet. The truth is, that what is called religion is necessarily +inconsistent with free thought. + + + + +499. Logic Unconfined. + +Must one be versed in Latin before he is entitled to express his opinion +as to the genuineness of a pretended revelation from God? Common sense +belongs exclusively to no tongue. Logic is not confined to, nor has it +been buried with, the dead languages. Paine attacked the bible as it is +translated. If the translation is wrong, let its defenders correct it. + + + + +500. Politeness at Athens! + +A gentleman, walking among the ruins of Athens came upon a fallen statue +of Jupiter; making an exceedingly low bow he said: "O Jupiter! I salute +thee." He then added: "Should you ever sit upon the throne of heaven +again, do not, I pray you, forget that I treated you politely when you +were prostrate." + + + + +501. The Tail of a Lion + +There is no saying more degrading than this: "It is better to be the +tail of a lion than the head of a dog." It is a responsibility to think +and act for yourself. Most people hate responsibility; therefore they +join something and become the tail of some lion. They say, "My party +can act for me--my church can do my thinking. It is enough for me to +pay taxes and obey the lion to which I belong, without troubling myself +about the right, the wrong, or the why or the wherefore." + + + + +502. While the Preachers Talked the People Slept + +The fact is, the old ideas became a little monotonous to the people. The +fall of man, the scheme of redemption and irresistible grace, began +to have a familiar sound. The preachers told the old stories while the +congregations slept. Some of the ministers became tired of these stories +themselves. The five points grew dull, and they felt that nothing short +of irresistible grace could bear this endless repetition. The outside +world was full of progress, and in every direction men advanced, while +the church, anchored to a creed, idly rotted at the shore. + + + + +503. Christianity no Friend to Progress + +Christianity has always opposed every forward movement of the human +race. Across the highway of progress it has always been building +breastworks of bibles, tracts, commentaries, prayer-books, creeds, +dogmas and platforms, and at every advance the Christians have gathered +together behind these heaps of rubbish and shot the poisoned arrows of +malice at the soldiers of freedom. + + + + +504. Where is the New Eden? + +You may be laughed at in this world for insisting that God put Adam into +a deep sleep and made a woman out of one of his ribs, but you will be +crowned and glorified in the next. You will also have the pleasure of +hearing the gentlemen howl there, who laughed at you here. While you +will not be permitted to take any revenge, you will be allowed to +smilingly express your entire acquiescence in the will of God. But where +is the new Eden? No one knows. The one was lost, and the other has not +been found. + + + + +505. The Real Eden is Beyond + +Nations and individuals fail and die, and make room for higher forms. +The intellectual horizon of the world widens as the centuries pass. +Ideals grow grander and purer; the difference between justice and mercy +becomes less and less; liberty enlarges, and love intensifies as the +years sweep on. The ages of force and fear, of cruelty and wrong, are +behind us and the real Eden is beyond. It is said that a desire for +knowledge lost us the Eden of the past; but whether that is true or not, +it will certainly give us the Eden of the future. + + + + +506. Party Names Belittle Men + +Let us forget that we are Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, +Presbyterians, or Free-thinkers, and remember only that we are men and +women. After all, man and woman are the highest possible titles. All +other names belittle us, and show that we have, to a certain extent, +given up our individuality. + + + + +A FEW PLAIN QUESTIONS + + + + +507. Where Did the Serpent Come From? + +Where did the serpent come from? On which of the six days was he +created? Who made him? Is it possible that God would make a successful +rival? He must have known that Adam and Eve would fall. He knew what +a snake with a "spotted, dappled skin" could do with an inexperienced +woman. Why did he not defend his children? He knew that if the serpent +got into the garden, Adam and Eve would sin, that he would have to drive +them out, that afterwards the world would be destroyed, and that he +himself would die upon the cross. + + + + +508. Must We Believe Fables to be Good and True? Must we, in order to be +good, gentle and loving in our lives, believe that the creation of woman +was a second thought? That Jehovah really endeavored to induce Adam to +take one of the lower animals as an helpmeet for him? After all, is it +not possible to live honest and courageous lives without believing these +fables? + + + + +509. Why Did Not God Kill the Serpent? + +Why was not the serpent kept out of the garden? Why did not the Lord God +take him by the tail and snap his head off? Why did he not put Adam +and Eve on their guard about this serpent? They, of course, were not +acquainted in the neighborhood, and knew nothing about the serpent's +reputation. + + + + +510. Questions About the Ark + +How was the ark kept clean? We know how it was ventilated; but what +was done with the filth? How were the animals watered? How were some +portions of the ark heated for animals from the tropics, and others +kept cool for the polar bears? How did the animals get back to their +respective countries? Some had to creep back about six thousand miles, +and they could only go a few feet a day. Some of the creeping things +must have started for the ark just as soon as they were made, and kept +up a steady jog for sixteen hundred years. Think of a couple of the +slowest snails leaving a point opposite the ark and starting for the +plains of Shinar, a distance of twelve thousand miles. Going at the rate +rate of a mile a month, it would take them a thousand years. How did +they get there? Polar bears must have gone several thousand miles, and +so sudden a change in climate must have been exceedingly trying upon +their health. How did they know the way to go? Of course, all the polar +bears did not go. Only two were required. Who selected these? + + + + +511. Was Language Confounded at Babel. + +How could language be confounded? It could be confounded only by the +destruction of memory. Did God destroy the memory of mankind at +that time, and if so, how? Did he paralyze that portion of the brain +presiding over the organs of articulation, so that they could not speak +the words, although they remembered them clearly, or did he so touch +the brain that they could not hear? Will some theologian, versed in +the machinery of the miraculous, tell us in what way God confounded the +language of mankind? + + + + +512. Would God Kill a Man for Making Ointment? + +Can we believe that the real God, if there is one, ever ordered a man +to be killed simply for making hair oil, or ointment? We are told in +the thirtieth chapter of Exodus, that the Lord commanded Moses to take +myrrh, cinnamon, sweet calamus, cassia, and olive oil, and make a +holy ointment for the purpose of anointing the tabernacle, tables, +candlesticks and other utensils, as well as Aaron and his sons; saying, +at the same time, that whosoever compounded any like it, or whoever put +any of it on a stranger, should be put to death. In the same chapter, +the Lord furnishes Moses with a recipe for making a perfume, saying, +that whoever should make any which smelled like it, should be cut off +from his people. This, to me, sounds so unreasonable that I cannot +believe it. + + + + +513. How Did Water run up Hill? + +Some Christians say that the fountains of the great deep were broken up. +Will they be kind enough to tell us what the fountains of the great deep +are? Others say that God had vast stores of water in the center of the +earth that he used on the occasion of the flood. How did these waters +happen to run up hill? + + + + +514. Would a Real God Uphold Slavery? + +Must we believe that God called some of his children the money of +others? Can we believe that God made lashes upon the naked back, a +legal tender for labor performed? Must we regard the auction block as an +altar? Were blood hounds, apostles? Was the slave-pen a temple? Were the +stealers and whippers of babes and women the justified children of God? + + + + +515. Will There Be an Eternal Auto da Fe? + +Will some minister, who now believes in religious liberty, and +eloquently denounces the intolerance of Catholicism, explain these +things; will he tell us why he worships an intolerant God? Is a god who +will burn a soul forever in another world, better than a christian who +burns the body for a few hours in this? Is there no intellectual liberty +in heaven? + +Do the angels all discuss questions on the same side? Are all the +investigators in perdition? Will the penitent thief, winged and crowned, +laugh at the honest folks in hell? Will the agony of the damned increase +or decrease the happiness of God? Will there be, in the universe, an +eternal _auto da fe_? + + + + +516. Why Hate an Atheist? + +Why should a believer in God hate an atheist? Surely the atheist has +not injured God, and surely he is human, capable of joy and pain, and +entitled to all the rights of man. Would it not be far better to treat +this atheist, at least, as well as he treats us? + + + + +ORIENT PEARLS AS RANDOM STRUNG + +I do not believe that Christians are as bad as their creeds. + +The highest crime against a creed is to change it. Reformation is +treason. + +A believer is a bird in a cage, a free-thinker is an eagle parting the +clouds with tireless wing. + +All that is good in our civilization is the result of commerce, climate, +soil, geographical position. + +The heretics have not thought and suffered and died in vain. Every +heretic has been, and is, a ray of light. + +No man ever seriously attempted to reform a Church without being cast +out and hunted down by the hounds of hypocrisy. + +After all, the poorest bargain that a human being can make, is to give +his individuality for what is called respectability. + +On every hand are the enemies of individuality and mental freedom. +Custom meets us at the cradle and leaves us only at the tomb. + +There can be nothing more utterly subversive of all that is really +valuable than the suppression of honest thought. + +No man, worthy of the form he bears, will at the command of Church or +State solemnly repeat a creed his reason scorns. + +Although we live in what is called a free government,--and politically +we are free,--there is but little religious liberty in America. + +According to orthodox logic, God having furnished us with imperfect +minds, has a right to demand a perfect result. + +Nearly all people stand in great horror of annihilation, and yet to give +up your individuality is to annihilate yourself. + +When women reason, and babes sit in the lap of philosophy, the victory +of reason over the shadowy host of darkness will be complete. + +Of all the religions that have been produced by the egotism, the malice, +the ignorance and ambition of man, Presbyterianism is the most hideous. + +And what man who really thinks can help repeating the words of Ennius: +"If there are gods they certainly pay no attention to the affairs of +man." + +Events, like the pendulum of a clock have swung forward and backward, +but after all, man, like the hands, has gone steadily on. Man is growing +grander. + +In spite of Church and dogma, there have been millions and millions of +men and women true to the loftiest and most generous promptings of the +human heart. + +I was taught to hate Catholicism with every drop of my blood, it is only +justice to say, that in all essential particulars it is precisely the +same as every other religion. + +Wherever brave blood has been shed, the sword of the Church has been +wet. On every chain has been the sign of the cross. The altar and throne +have leaned against and supported each other. + +We have all been taught by the Church that nothing is so well calculated +to excite the ire of the Deity as to express a doubt as to his +existence, and that to deny it is an unpardonable sin. + +Universal obedience is universal stagnation; disobedience is one of the +conditions of progress. Select any age of the world and tell me what +would have been the effect of implicit obedience. + +We have no national religion, and no national God; but every citizen +is allowed to have a religion and a God of his own, or to reject all +religions and deny the existence of all gods. + +Whatever may be the truth upon any subject has nothing to do with our +right to investigate that subject, and express any opinion we may form. +All that I ask, is the same right I freely accord to all others. + +Mental slavery is mental death, and every man who has given up his +intellectual freedom is the living coffin of his dead soul. In this +sense, every church is a cemetery and every creed an epitaph. + +Think of reading the 109th Psalm to a heathen who has a Bible of his own +in which is found this passage: "Blessed is the man and beloved of all +the gods, who is afraid of no man, and of whom no man is afraid." + +The trouble with most people is, they bow to what is called authority; +they have a certain reverence for the old because it is old. They think +a man is better for being dead, especially if he has been dead a long +time. + +We should all remember that to be like other people is to be unlike +ourselves, and that nothing can be more detestable in character than +servile imitation. The great trouble with imitation is, that we are apt +to ape those who are in reality far below us. + +Suppose the Church had had absolute control of the human mind at any +time, would not the words liberty and progress have been blotted from +human speech? In defiance of advice, the world has advanced. + +Over every fortress of tyranny has waved, and still waves, the banner of +the Church. + +The Church has won no victories for the rights of man. + +We have advanced in spite of religious zeal, ignorance, and opposition. + +Luther labored to reform the Church--Voltaire, to reform men. + +There have been, and still are, too many men who own themselves--too +much thought, too much knowledge for the Church to grasp again the +sword of power. The Church must abdicate. For the Eg-lon of superstition +Science has a message from Truth. + +It is a blessed thing that in every age some one has had individuality +enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions,--some one +who had the grandeur to say his say. I believe it was Magellan who said. +"The Church says the earth is flat; but I have seen its shadow on the +moon, and I have more confidence even in a shadow than in the Church." +"On the prow of his ship were disobedience, defiance, scorn, and +success. + + + + +INGERSOLL'S ORATION AT HIS BROTHER'S GRAVE + + A Tribute to Ebon C. Ingersoll, by his Brother + Robert--The Record of a Generous Life Runs + Like a Vine Around the Memory of our + Dead, and Every Sweet, Unselfish + Act is Now a Perfumed Flower. + +Dear Friends: I am going to do that which the dead oft promised he would +do for me. + +The loved and loving brother, husband, father, friend, died where +manhood's morning almost touches noon, and while the shadows still were +falling toward the west. + +He had not passed on life's highway the stone that marks the highest +point; but, being weary for a moment, he lay down by the wayside, and, +using his burden for a pillow, fell into that dreamless sleep that +kisses down his eyelids still. While yet in love with life and raptured +with the world, he passed to silence and pathetic dust. + +Yet, after all, it may be best, just in the happiest, sunniest hour +of all the voyage, while eager winds are kissing every sail, to dash +against the unseen rock, and in an instant hear the billows roar above a +sunken ship For whether in mid sea or 'mong the breakers of the farther +shore, a wreck at last must mark the end of each and all. And every +life, no matter if its every hour is rich with love and every moment +jeweled with a joy, will, at its close, become a tragedy as sad and deep +and dark as can be woven of the warp and woof of mystery and death. + +This brave and tender man in every storm of life was oak and rock; but +in the sunshine he was vine and flower. He was the friend of all heroic +souls. He climbed the heights, and left all superstitions far below, +while on his forehead fell the golden dawning of the grander day. + +He loved the beautiful, and was with color, form, and music touched to +tears. He sided with the weak, the poor, and wronged, and lovingly +gave alms. With loyal heart and with the purest hands he faithfully +discharged all public trusts. + +He was a worshiper of liberty, a friend of the oppressed. A thousand +times I have heard him quote these words: "For Justice all place a +temple, and all season, summer." He believed that happiness was the only +good, reason the only torch, justice the only worship, humanity the only +religion, and love the only priest. He added to the sum of human joy; +and were every one to whom he did some loving service to bring a blossom +to his grave, he would sleep to-night beneath a wilderness of sweet +flowers. + +Life is a narrow vale between the cold and barren peaks of two +eternities. We strive in vain to look beyond the heights. We cry aloud, +and the only answer is the echo of our wailing cry. From the voiceless +lips of the unreplying dead there comes no word; but in the night of +death hope sees a star and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. + +He who sleeps here, when dying, mistaking the approach of death for the +return of health, whispered with his latest breath, "I am better now." +Let us believe, in spite of doubts and dogmas, of fears and tears, that +these dear words are true of all the countless dead. + +And now, to you, who have been chosen, from among the many men he loved, +to do the last sad office for the dead, we give his sacred dust. + +Speech cannot contain our love. There was, there is, no gentler, +stronger, manlier man. + + + + +INGERSOLL'S DREAM OF THE WAR + + The Following Words of Matchless Eloquence were + Addressed by Col. Ingersoll to the Veteran + Soldiers of Indianapolis. + +The past, as it were, rises before me like a dream. Again we are in the +great struggle for national life. We hear the sound of preparation--the +music of the boisterous drums--the silver voices of heroic bugles. We +see thousands of assemblages, and hear the appeals of orators; we see +the pale cheeks of women, and the flushed faces of men; and in those +assemblages we see all the dead whose dust we have covered with flowers. +We lose sight of them no more. We are with them when they enlist in the +great army of freedom. We see them part with those they love. Some are +walking for the last time in quiet, woody places with the maidens they +adore. We hear the whisperings and the sweet vows of eternal love as +they lingeringly part forever. Others are bending over cradles kissing +babes that are asleep. + +Some are receiving the blessings of old men. Some are parting with +mothers who hold them and press them to their hearts again and again, +and say nothing; and some are talking with wives, and endeavoring with +brave words spoken in the old tones to drive away the awful fear. We +see them part. We see the wife standing in the door with the babe in her +arms--standing in the sunlight sobbing--at the turn of the road a hand +waves--she answers by holding high in her loving hands the child. He is +gone, and forever. + +We see them all as they march proudly away under the flaunting flags, +keeping time to the wild music of war--marching down the streets of the +great cities--through the towns and across the prairies--down to the +fields of glory, and do and to die for the eternal right. + +We go with them one and all. We are by their side on all the gory +fields, in all the hospitals of pain--on all the weary marches. We stand +guard with them in the wild storm and under the quiet stars. We are with +them in ravines running with blood--in the furrows of old fields. We are +with them between contending hosts, unable to move, wild with thirst, +the life ebbing slowly away among the withered leaves. We see them +pierced by balls and torn with shells in the trenches of forts, and in +the whirlwind of the charge, where men become iron with nerves of steel. + +We are with them in the prisons of hatred and famine, but human speech +can never tell what they endured. + +We are at home when the news comes that they are dead. We see the maiden +in the shadow of her sorrow. We see the silvered head of the old man +bowed with the last grief. + +The past rises before us, and we see four millions of human beings +governed by the lash--we see them bound hand and foot--we hear the +strokes of cruel whips--we see the hounds tracking women through +tangled swamps. We see babes sold from the breasts of mothers. Cruelty +unspeakable! Outrage infinite! + +Four million bodies in chains--four million souls in fetters. All the +sacred relations of wife, mother, father and child trampled beneath the +brutal feet of might. All this was done under our own beautiful banner +of the free. + +The past rises before us. We hear the roar and shriek of the bursting +shell. The broken fetters fall. There heroes died. We look. Instead of +slaves we see men and women and children. The wand of progress touches +the auction-block, the slave-pen, and the whipping-post, and we see +homes and firesides, and school-houses and books, and where all was want +and crime, and cruelty and fear, we see the faces of the free. + +These heroes are dead. They died for liberty--they died for us. They +are at rest, They sleep in the land they made free, under the flag +they rendered stainless, under the solemn pines, the sad hemlocks, the +tearful willows, the embracing vines. They sleep beneath the shadows of +the clouds, careless alike of sunshine or storm, each in the window-less +palace of rest. Earth may run red with other wars--they are at peace. In +the midst of battle, in the roar of conflict, they found the serenity of +death. I have one sentiment for the soldiers living and dead--cheers for +the living and tears for the dead. + + + + +EPIGRAMS. + +It is not necessary to be a pig in order to raise one. + +Houses makes patriots. + +A blow from a parent leaves a scar on the soul of the child. + +Free speech is the brain of the Republic. + +A mortgage casts a shadow on the sunniest field. + +Agriculture is the basis of all wealth. + +Every man should endeavor to belong to himself. + +It is better to be a whole farmer than part of a mechanic. + +Nothing is ever made by rascality. + +One good school-master is worth a thousand priests. + +A lie will not fit a fact. + +Out in the intellectual sea there is room for every sail. + +An honest God is the noblest work of man. + +To plow is to pray. + +Progress is born of courage. Fear paralyzes the brain. + + + + +DEFINITIONS. + +A King is a non-producing thief, sitting on a throne, surrounded by +vermin. + +Whiskey is the son of villainies, the father of all crimes, the mother +of all abominations, the devil's best friend, and God's worst enemy. + +An Orthodox Man is a gentleman petrified in his mind. + +Heresy is a cradle. + +Orthodoxy is a coffin. + +Chicago is a marvel of energy, a miracle of nerva + +The Pulpit is a pillory. + +Theology is a superstition. + +Humanity is the only religion. + +A Republican is a man who loves something. + +A Democrat is a man who hates something. + +Germany is the Land of Science. + +Civilization is the Child of Forethought + +Prejudice is the Child of Ignorance. + +Infidelity is Liberty. + +Religion is Slavery. + + + + +BELIEFS. + +I believe in absolute intellectual liberty. I believe in American labor. +I believe in the democracy of the fireside, in the republicanism of the +home. + +I believe in liberty, always and everywhere. I believe in truth, in +investigation, in forethought. + +I believe in the gospel of education, of cheerfulness, of justice and +intelligence. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Ingersollia, by Robert G. Ingersoll + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK INGERSOLLIA *** + +***** This file should be named 38106.txt or 38106.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/8/1/0/38106/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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