diff options
Diffstat (limited to '37962-8.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 37962-8.txt | 18771 |
1 files changed, 18771 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/37962-8.txt b/37962-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1a84a1e --- /dev/null +++ b/37962-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,18771 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man +of Honor, by William Somerset Maugham + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honor + +Author: William Somerset Maugham + +Release Date: November 9, 2011 [EBook #37962] +[Last updated: October 21, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLAYS *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images available at The Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + +_LADY FREDERICK_ + +_HEINEMANN'S MODERN PLAYS_ + +16mo. Each price is 6d paper, or 2s 6d cloth + +By the same Author + + +_A MAN OF HONOUR_ + +_JACK STRAW_ + +_THE PLAYS OF SIR ARTHUR W. PINERO_ +Complete Edition Twenty-three Volumes + +_PLAYS OF HUBERT HENRY DAVIES_ +Two Volumes + +_PLAYS OF C. HADDON CHAMBERS_ +Two Volumes + +_THE PLAYS OF W. E. HENLEY AND R. L. STEVENSON_ +Four Volumes +Also in One Volume, crown 8vo, buckram, Price 6s + +_THE COLLECTED WORKS OF HENRIK IBSEN_ +Copyright Edition entirely revised by +WILLIAM ARCHER + +Complete in Eleven Volumes, crown 8vo, Price 4s each. + +_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ + +_21 Bedford St., W.C._ + + + + +_LADY FREDERICK_ + + +_A COMEDY_ + +_In Three Acts_ + +_BY W. S. MAUGHAM_ + +_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ + +_MCMXII_ + +_Copyright: London William Heinemann 1912_ + +This play was produced at the Court Theatre on Saturday, October 26, +1907, with the following cast: + + LADY FREDERICK BEROLLES ETHEL IRVING + SIR GERALD O'MARA EDMUND BREON + MR. PARADINE FOULDES C. M. LOWNE + MARCHIONESS OF MERESTON BERYL FABER + MARQUESS OF MERESTON W. GRAHAM BROWN + CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE ARTHUR HOLMES-GORE + ADMIRAL CARLISLE E. W. GARDEN + ROSE BEATRICE TERRY + LADY FREDERICK'S DRESSMAKER FLORENCE WOOD + LADY FREDERICK'S FOOTMAN CLAUDE VERNON + LADY FREDERICK'S MAID INA PELLY + THOMPSON REGINALD EYRE + A WAITER HEATH J. HAVILAND + + + + +_LADY FREDERICK_ + + +_CHARACTERS_ + +LADY FREDERICK BEROLLES + +SIR GERALD O'MARA + +MR. PARADINE FOULDES + +MARCHIONESS OF MERESTON + +MARQUESS OF MERESTON + +ADMIRAL CARLISLE + +ROSE + +LADY FREDERICK'S DRESSMAKER + +LADY FREDERICK'S FOOTMAN + +LADY FREDERICK'S MAID + +THOMPSON + +A WAITER AT THE HOTEL SPLENDIDE + +TIME: _The Present Day_ + +ACTS I and II--_Drawing-room at the Hotel Splendide, Monte Carlo._ + +ACT III--_Lady Frederick's Dressing-Room._ + + + _The Performing Rights of this play are fully protected, and + permission to perform it, whether by Amateurs or Professionals, + must be obtained in advance from the author's Sole Agent, R. + Golding Bright, 20 Green Street, Leicester Square, London, W.C., + from whom all particulars can be obtained._ + + + + +LADY FREDERICK + + + + +THE FIRST ACT + + + SCENE: _Drawing-room of the Hotel Splendide at Monte Carlo. A + large, handsomely furnished room, with doors right and left, and + French windows at the back leading to a terrace. Through these is + seen the starry southern night. On one side is a piano, on the + other a table with papers neatly laid out on it. There is a lighted + stove._ + + LADY MERESTON, _in evening dress, rather magnificently attired, is + reading the papers. She is a handsome woman of forty. She puts down + the paper impatiently and rings the bell. A servant answers. He has + a French accent._ + + +LADY MERESTON. + +Did Mr. Paradine Fouldes come this evening? + +SERVANT. + +Yes, miladi. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Is he in the hotel now? + +SERVANT. + +Yes, miladi. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Will you send some one up to his room to say I'm waiting to see him? + +SERVANT. + +Pardon, miladi, but the gentleman say 'e was on no account to be +disturbed. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Nonsense. Mr. Fouldes is my brother. You must go to him immediately. + +SERVANT. + +Mr. Fouldes his valet is in the 'all. Will your ladyship speak with him? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Mr. Fouldes is more difficult to see than a cabinet minister. Send his +servant to me. + +SERVANT. + +Very good, miladi. + +[_Exit Servant, and presently_ THOMPSON, Mr. Fouldes' _man, comes in_. + +THOMPSON. + +Your ladyship wished to see me. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Good evening, Thompson. I hope you had a comfortable journey. + +THOMPSON. + +Yes, my lady. Mr. Fouldes always has a comfortable journey. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Was the sea calm when you crossed? + +THOMPSON. + +Yes, my lady. Mr. Fouldes would look upon it as a great liberty if the +sea was not calm. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Will you tell Mr. Fouldes that I should like to see him at once? + +THOMPSON. + +[_Looking at his watch._] Excuse me, my lady, but Mr. Fouldes said no +one was to disturb him till ten o'clock. It's more than my place is +worth to go to him at five minutes to. + +LADY MERESTON. + +But what on earth's he doing? + +THOMPSON. + +I don't know at all, my lady. + +LADY MERESTON. + +How long have you been with Mr. Fouldes? + +THOMPSON. + +Twenty-five years, my lady. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I should have thought you knew how he spent every minute of his day. + +[PARADINE _comes in. He is a very well-dressed man of forty-odd. +Self-possessed, worldly, urbane. He is never at a loss or put out of +countenance. He overhears_ LADY MERESTON'S _last words_. + +FOULDES. + +When I engaged Thompson I told him the first thing he must learn was the +very difficult feat of keeping his eyes open and shut at one and the +same time. + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Paradine, I've been waiting to see you for the last two hours. +How tiresome you are. + +FOULDES. + +You may give me a kiss, Maud, but don't be rough. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Kissing his cheek._] You ridiculous creature. You really might have +come to see me at once. + +FOULDES. + +My dear, you cannot grudge me a little repose after a long and tedious +journey. I had to repair the ravages to my person caused by twenty-seven +hours in the train. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Don't be so absurd. I'm sure your person is never ravished. + +FOULDES. + +Ravaged, my dear, ravaged. I should look upon it as an affectation at my +age if I were not a little upset by the journey from London to Monte +Carlo. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I'll be bound you ate a very hearty dinner. + +FOULDES. + +Thompson, did I eat any dinner at all? + +THOMPSON. + +[_Stolidly._] Soup, sir. + +FOULDES. + +I remember looking at it. + +THOMPSON. + +Fish, sir. + +FOULDES. + +I trifled with a fried sole. + +THOMPSON. + +Bouchées à la Reine, sir. + +FOULDES. + +They have left absolutely no impression upon me. + +THOMPSON. + +Tournedos à la Splendide. + +FOULDES. + +They were distinctly tough, Thompson. You must lodge a complaint in the +proper quarter. + +THOMPSON. + +Roast pheasant, sir. + +FOULDES. + +Yes, yes, now you mention it, I do remember the pheasant. + +THOMPSON. + +Chocolate ice, sir. + +FOULDES. + +It was too cold, Thompson. It was distinctly too cold. + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Paradine, I think you dined uncommonly well. + +FOULDES. + +I have reached an age when love, ambition and wealth pale into +insignificance beside a really well-grilled steak. That'll do, Thompson. + +THOMPSON. + +Very well, sir. + + [_He goes out._ + +LADY MERESTON. + +It's too bad of you, Paradine, to devour a substantial meal when I'm +eating out my very heart with anxiety. + +FOULDES. + +It seems to agree with you very well. I've not seen you look better for +years. + +LADY MERESTON. + +For heaven's sake be serious and listen to me. + +FOULDES. + +I started immediately I got your telegram. Pray tell me what I can do +for you? + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Paradine, Charlie's head over ears in love. + +FOULDES. + +It's not altogether an unexpected condition for a young man of +twenty-two. If the lady's respectable, marry him and resign yourself to +being a dowager. If she's not, give her five hundred pounds and pack her +off to Paris or London or wherever else she habitually practises her +arts and graces. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I wish I could. But who d'you think it is? + +FOULDES. + +My dear, there's nothing I detest more than riddles. I can imagine quite +a number of fair ladies who would look without disdain upon a young +marquess with fifty thousand a year. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Lady Frederick Berolles. + +FOULDES. + +By Jupiter! + +LADY MERESTON. + +She's fifteen years older than he is. + +FOULDES. + +Then she's not old enough to be his mother, which is a distinct +advantage. + +LADY MERESTON. + +She dyes her hair. + +FOULDES. + +She dyes it uncommonly well. + +LADY MERESTON. + +She paints. + +FOULDES. + +Much better than a Royal Academician. + +LADY MERESTON. + +And poor Charlie's simply infatuated. He rides with her all the morning, +motors with her all the afternoon, and gambles with her half the night. +I never see him. + +FOULDES. + +But why should you think Lady Frederick cares two straws for him? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Don't be ridiculous, Paradine. Every one knows she hasn't a penny, and +she's crippled with debts. + +FOULDES. + +One has to keep up appearances in this world. Life nowadays for the +woman of fashion is a dilemma of which one horn is the Bankruptcy Court +and the other--dear Sir Francis Jeune. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I wish I knew how she manages to dress so beautifully. It's one of the +injustices of fate that clothes only hang on a woman really well when +she's lost every shred of reputation. + +FOULDES. + +My dear, you must console yourself with the thought that she'll probably +frizzle for it hereafter. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I hope I'm not wicked, Paradine, but to wear draperies and wings in the +next world offers me no compensation for looking dowdy in a Paquin gown +in this. + +FOULDES. + +I surmised she was on the verge of bankruptcy when I heard she'd bought +a new motor. And you seriously think Charlie wants to marry her? + +LADY MERESTON. + +I'm sure of it. + +FOULDES. + +And what d'you want me to do? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Good heavens, I want you to prevent it. After all he has a magnificent +position; he's got every chance of making a career for himself. There's +no reason why he shouldn't be Prime Minister--it's not fair to the boy +to let him marry a woman like that. + +FOULDES. + +Of course you know Lady Frederick? + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Paradine, we're the greatest friends. You don't suppose I'm +going to give her the advantage of quarrelling with me. I think I shall +ask her to luncheon to meet you. + +FOULDES. + +Women have such an advantage over men in affairs of this sort. They're +troubled by no scruples, and, like George Washington, never hesitate to +lie. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I look upon her as an abandoned creature, and I tell you frankly I shall +stop at nothing to save my son from her clutches. + +FOULDES. + +Only a thoroughly good woman could so calmly announce her intention of +using the crookedest ways to gain her ends. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Looking at him._] There must be some incident in her career which she +wouldn't like raked up. If we could only get hold of that.... + +FOULDES. + +[_Blandly._] How d'you imagine I can help you? + +LADY MERESTON. + +A reformed burglar is always the best detective. + +FOULDES. + +My dear, I wish you could be frank without being sententious. + +LADY MERESTON. + +You've run through two fortunes, and if we all got our deserts you would +be starving now instead of being richer than ever. + +FOULDES. + +My second cousins have a knack of dying at the psychological moment. + +LADY MERESTON. + +You've been a horrid, dissipated wretch all your life, and heaven knows +the disreputable people who've been your bosom friends. + +FOULDES. + +With my knowledge of the world and your entire lack of scruple we should +certainly be a match for one defenceless woman. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Looking at him sharply._] Common report says that at one time you were +very much in love with her. + +FOULDES. + +Common report is an ass whose long ears only catch its own braying. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I was wondering how far things went. If you could tell Charlie of the +relations between you.... + +FOULDES. + +My good Maud, there were no relations--unfortunately. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Poor George was very uneasy about you at the time. + +FOULDES. + +Your deceased husband, being a strictly religious man, made a point of +believing the worst about his neighbours. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Don't, Paradine; I know you didn't like one another, but remember that I +loved him with all my heart. I shall never get over his death. + +FOULDES. + +My dear girl, you know I didn't mean to wound you. + +LADY MERESTON. + +After all, it was largely your fault. He was deeply religious, and as +the president of the Broad Church Union he couldn't countenance your +mode of life. + +FOULDES. + +[_With great unction._] Thank God in my day I've been a miserable +sinner! + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Laughing._] You're quite incurable, Paradine. But you will help me +now. Since his father's death, the boy and I have lived a very retired +life, and now we're quite helpless. It would break my heart if Charlie +married that woman. + +FOULDES. + +I'll do my best. I think I can promise you that nothing will come of it. + + [_The door is flung open, and_ LADY FREDERICK _enters, followed by_ + MERESTON, _a young boyish man of twenty-two; by her brother_, SIR + GERALD O'MARA, _a handsome fellow of six-and-twenty; by_ CAPTAIN + MONTGOMERIE, ADMIRAL CARLISLE, _and_ ROSE, _his daughter_. LADY + FREDERICK _is a handsome Irish woman of thirty to thirty-five, + beautifully dressed. She is very vivacious, and light-hearted. She + has all the Irish recklessness and unconcern for the morrow. + Whenever she wants to get round anybody she falls into an Irish + brogue, and then, as she knows very well, she is quite + irresistible._ CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE _is a polished, well-groomed man + of thirty-five, with suave manners_. THE ADMIRAL _is bluff and + downright_. ROSE _is a pretty ingénue of nineteen_. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Here they are. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Enthusiastically going to him with open arms._] Paradine! Paradine! +Paradine! + +MERERSTON. + +Oh, my prophetic soul, mine uncle! + +FOULDES. + +[_Shaking hands with_ LADY FREDERICK.] I heard you were at the Casino. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Charlie lost all his money, so I brought him away. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I wish you wouldn't gamble, Charlie dear. + +MERERSTON. + +My dear mother, I've only lost ten thousand francs. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_To_ PARADINE FOULDES.] I see you're in your usual robust health. + +FOULDES. + +You needn't throw it in my face. I shall probably be very unwell +to-morrow. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +D'you know Admiral Carlisle? This is my brother Gerald. + +FOULDES. + +[_Shaking hands._] How d'you do? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Introducing._] Captain Montgomerie. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I think we've met before. + +FOULDES. + +I'm very pleased to hear it. How d'you do. [_To_ MERERSTON.] Are you +having a good time in Monte Carlo, Charles? + +MERERSTON. + +A 1, thanks. + +FOULDES. + +And what do you do with yourself? + +MERERSTON. + +Oh, hang about generally, you know--and there's always the tables. + +FOULDES. + +That's right, my boy; I'm glad to see that you prepare yourself properly +for your duties as a hereditary legislator. + +MERERSTON. + +[_Laughing._] Oh, shut it, Uncle Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +I rejoice also to find that you have already a certain command of the +vernacular. + +MERERSTON. + +Well, if you can browbeat a London cabby and hold your own in repartee +with a barmaid, it oughtn't to be difficult to get on all right in the +House of Lords. + +FOULDES. + +But let me give you a solemn warning. You have a magnificent chance, +dear boy, with all the advantages of wealth and station. I beseech you +not to throw it away by any exhibition of talent. The field is clear and +the British people are waiting for a leader. But remember that the +British people like their leaders dull. Capacity they mistrust, +versatility they cannot bear, and wit they utterly abhor. Look at the +fate of poor Lord Parnaby. His urbanity gained him the premiership, but +his brilliancy overthrew him. How could the fortunes of the nation be +safe with a man whose speeches were pointed and sparkling, whose mind +was so quick, so agile, that it reminded you of a fencer's play? Every +one is agreed that Lord Parnaby is flippant and unsubstantial; we doubt +his principles and we have grave fears about his morality. Take warning, +my dear boy, take warning. Let the sprightly epigram never lighten the +long periods of your speech nor the Attic salt flavour the roast beef of +your conversation. Be careful that your metaphors show no imagination +and conceal your brains as you would a discreditable secret. Above all, +if you have a sense of humour, crush it. Crush it. + +MERESTON. + +My dear uncle, you move me very much. I will be as stupid as an owl. + +FOULDES. + +There's a good, brave boy. + +MERESTON. + +I will be heavy and tedious. + +FOULDES. + +I see already the riband of the Garter adorning your shirt-front. +Remember, there's no damned merit about that. + +MERESTON. + +None shall listen to my speeches without falling into a profound sleep. + +FOULDES. + +[_Seizing his hand._] The premiership itself is within your grasp. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Dear Paradine, let us take a stroll on the terrace before we go to bed. + +FOULDES. + +And you shall softly whisper all the latest scandal in my ear. + + [_He puts on her cloak and they go out._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +May I speak to you, Admiral? + +ADMIRAL. + +Certainly, certainly. What can I do for you? + + [_While_ LADY FREDERICK _and the_ ADMIRAL _talk, + the others go slowly out. Through the + conversation she uses her Irish brogue._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Are you in a good temper? + +ADMIRAL. + +Fairly, fairly. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm glad of that because I want to make you a proposal of marriage. + +ADMIRAL. + +My dear Lady Frederick, you take me entirely by surprise. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Not on my own behalf, you know. + +ADMIRAL. + +Oh, I see. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +The fact is, my brother Gerald has asked your daughter to marry him, and +she has accepted. + +ADMIRAL. + +Rose is a minx, Lady Frederick, and she's much too young to marry. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now don't fly into a passion. We're going to talk it over quite calmly. + +ADMIRAL. + +I tell you I won't hear of it. The boy's penniless. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That's why it's so lucky you're rich. + +ADMIRAL. + +Eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You've been talking of buying a place in Ireland. You couldn't want +anything nicer than Gerald's--gravel soil, you know. And you simply dote +on Elizabethan architecture. + +ADMIRAL. + +I can't bear it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +How fortunate, then, that the house was burnt down in the eighteenth +century and rebuilt in the best Georgian style. + +ADMIRAL. + +Ugh. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And you'd love to have little grandsons to dandle on your knee. + +ADMIRAL. + +How do I know they wouldn't be girls? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, it's most unusual in our family. + +ADMIRAL. + +I tell you I won't hear of it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You know, it's not bad to have the oldest baronetcy in the country but +one. + +ADMIRAL. + +I suppose I shall have to pack Rose off to England. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And break her heart? + +ADMIRAL. + +Women's hearts are like old china, none the worse for a break or two. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Did you ever know my husband, Admiral? + +ADMIRAL. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I was married to him at seventeen because my mother thought it a good +match, and I was desperately in love with another man. Before we'd been +married a fortnight he came home blind drunk, and I had never seen a +drunken man before. Then I found out he was a confirmed tippler. I was +so ashamed. If you only knew what my life was for the ten years I lived +with him. I've done a lot of foolish things in my time, but, my God, I +have suffered. + +ADMIRAL. + +Yes, I know, I know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And believe me, when two young things love one another it's better to +let them marry. Love is so very rare in this world. One really ought to +make the most of it when it's there. + +ADMIRAL. + +I'm very sorry, but I've made up my mind. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, but won't you alter it--like Nelson. Don't be hard on Rose. She's +really in love with Gerald. Do give them a chance. Won't you? Ah, +do--there's a dear. + +ADMIRAL. + +I don't want to hurt your feelings, but Sir Gerald is about the most +ineligible young man that I've ever come across. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Triumphantly._] There, I knew we should agree. That's precisely what I +told him this morning. + +ADMIRAL. + +I understand his place is heavily mortgaged. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No one will lend a penny more on it. If they would Gerald would borrow +it at once. + +ADMIRAL. + +He's got nothing but his pay to live upon. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And his tastes are very extravagant. + +ADMIRAL. + +He's a gambler. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes, but then he's so good looking. + +ADMIRAL. + +Eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm glad that we agree so entirely about him. Now there's nothing left +but to call the young things in, join their hands and give them our +united blessing. + +ADMIRAL. + +Before I consent to this marriage, madam, I'll see your brother---- + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Damned? + +ADMIRAL. + +Yes, madam, damned. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now listen to me quietly, will you? + +ADMIRAL. + +I should warn you, Lady Frederick, that when I once make up my mind +about a thing, I never change it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now that is what I really admire. I like a man of character. You know, +I've always been impressed by your strength and determination. + +ADMIRAL. + +I don't know about that. But when I say a thing, I do it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes, I know. And in five minutes you're going to say that Gerald may +marry your pretty Rose. + +ADMIRAL. + +No, no, no. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now look here, don't be obstinate, I don't like you when you're +obstinate. + +ADMIRAL. + +I'm not obstinate. I'm firm. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +After all, Gerald has lots of good qualities. He's simply devoted to +your daughter. He's been a little wild, but you know you wouldn't give +much for a young man who hadn't. + +ADMIRAL. + +[_Gruffly._] I don't want a milksop for a son-in-law. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +As soon as he's married, he'll settle into a model country squire. + +ADMIRAL. + +Well, he's a gambler, and I can't get over that. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Shall he promise you never to play cards again? Now, don't be horrid. +You don't want to make me utterly wretched, do you? + +ADMIRAL. + +[_Unwillingly._] Well, I'll tell you what I'll do--they shall marry if +he doesn't gamble for a year. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, you duck. [_She impulsively throws her arms round his neck and +kisses him. He is a good deal taken aback._] I beg your pardon, I +couldn't help it. + +ADMIRAL. + +I don't altogether object, you know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Upon my word, in some ways you're rather fascinating. + +ADMIRAL. + +D'you think so, really? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I do indeed. + +ADMIRAL. + +I rather wish that proposal of marriage had been on your own behalf. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, with me, dear Admiral, experience triumphs over hope. I must tell +the children. [_Calling._] Gerald, come here. Rose. + + [GERALD _and_ ROSE _come in_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I always knew your father was a perfect darling, Rose. + +ROSE. + +Oh, papa, you are a brick. + +ADMIRAL. + +I thoroughly disapprove of the marriage, my dear, but--it's not easy to +say no to Lady Frederick. + +GERALD. + +It's awfully good of you, Admiral, and I'll do my best to make Rose a +ripping husband. + +ADMIRAL. + +Not so fast, young man, not so fast. There's a condition. + +ROSE. + +Oh, father! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Gerald is to behave himself for a year, and then you may marry. + +ROSE. + +But won't Gerald grow very dull if he behaves himself? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have no doubt of it. But dullness is the first requisite of a good +husband. + +ADMIRAL. + +Now you must pack off to bed, my dear. I'm going to smoke my pipe before +turning in. + +ROSE. + +[_Kissing_ LADY FREDERICK.] Good-night, dearest. I'll never forget your +kindness. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You'd better not thank me till you've been married a few years. + +ROSE. + +[_Holding out her hand to_ GERALD.] Good-night. + +GERALD. + +[_Taking it and looking at her._] Good-night. + +ADMIRAL. + +[_Gruffly._] You may as well do it in front of my face as behind my +back. + +ROSE. + +[_Lifting up her lips._] Good-night. + +[_He kisses her, and the_ ADMIRAL _and_ ROSE _go out._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh lord, I wish I were eighteen. + +[_She sinks into a chair, and an expression of utter weariness comes +over her face._ + +GERALD. + +I say, what's up? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Starting._] I thought you'd gone. Nothing. + +GERALD. + +Come, out with it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my poor boy, if you only knew. I'm so worried that I don't know what +on earth to do. + +GERALD. + +Money? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Last year I made a solemn determination to be economical. And it's +ruined me. + +GERALD. + +My dear, how could it? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I can't make it out. It seems very unfair. The more I tried not to be +extravagant, the more I spent. + +GERALD. + +Can't you borrow? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] I have borrowed. That's just it. + +GERALD. + +Well, borrow again. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've tried to. But no one's such a fool as to lend me a penny. + +GERALD. + +Did you say I'd sign anything they liked? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I was so desperate I said we'd both sign anything. It was Dick Cohen. + +GERALD. + +Oh lord, what did he say? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Imitating a Jewish accent._] What's the good of wathting a nithe clean +sheet of paper, my dear lady? + +GERALD. + +[_Shouting with laughter._] By George, don't I know it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +For heaven's sake don't let's talk of my affairs. They're in such a +state that if I think of them at all I shall have a violent fit of +hysterics. + +GERALD. + +But look here, what d'you really mean? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, if you want it--I owe my dressmaker seven hundred pounds, and last +year I signed two horrid bills, one for fifteen hundred and the other +for two thousand. They fall due the day after to-morrow, and if I can't +raise the money I shall have to go through the Bankruptcy Court. + +GERALD. + +By George, that's serious. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's so serious that I can't help thinking something will happen. +Whenever I've got in a really tight fix something has turned up and put +me on my legs again. Last time, Aunt Elizabeth had an apoplectic fit. +But of course it wasn't really very profitable because mourning is so +desperately expensive. + +GERALD. + +Why don't you marry? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my dear Gerald, you know I'm always unlucky at games of chance. + +GERALD. + +Charlie Mereston's awfully gone on you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That must be obvious to the meanest intelligence. + +GERALD. + +Well, why don't you have him? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Good heavens, I'm old enough to be his mother. + +GERALD. + +Nonsense. You're only ten years older than he is, and nowadays no nice +young man marries a woman younger than himself. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +He's such a good fellow. I couldn't do him a nasty turn like that. + +GERALD. + +How about Montgomerie? He simply stinks of money, and he's not a bad +sort. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Surprised._] My dear boy, I hardly know him. + +GERALD. + +Well, I'm afraid it means marriage or bankruptcy. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Here's Charlie. Take him away, there's a dear. I want to talk to +Paradine. + + _Enter_ PARADINE FOULDES _with_ MERESTON. + +FOULDES. + +What, still here, Lady Frederick? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +As large as life. + +FOULDES. + +We've been taking a turn on the terrace. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_To_ MERESTON.] And has your astute uncle been pumping you, Charlie? + +FOULDES. + +Eh, what? + +MERESTON. + +I don't think he got much out of me. + +FOULDES. + +[_Good-naturedly._] All I wanted, dear boy. There's no one so +transparent as the person who thinks he's devilish deep. By the way, +what's the time? + +GERALD. + +About eleven, isn't it? + +FOULDES. + +Ah! How old are you, Charlie? + +MERESTON. + +Twenty-two. + +FOULDES. + +Then it's high time you went to bed. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Charlie's not going to bed till I tell him. Are you? + +MERESTON. + +Of course not. + +FOULDES. + +Has it escaped your acute intelligence, my friend, that I want to talk +to Lady Frederick? + +MERESTON. + +Not at all. But I have no reason to believe that Lady Frederick wants to +talk to you. + +GERALD. + +Let's go and have a game of pills, Charlie. + +MERESTON. + +D'you want to be left alone with the old villain? + +FOULDES. + +You show no respect for my dyed hairs, young man. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've not seen him for years, you know. + +MERESTON. + +Oh, all right. I say, you're coming for a ride to-morrow, aren't you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Certainly. But it must be in the afternoon. + +FOULDES. + +I'm sorry, but Charles has arranged to motor me over to Nice in the +afternoon. + +MERESTON. + +[_To_ LADY FREDERICK.] That'll suit me A 1. I had an engagement, but it +was quite unimportant. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then that's settled. Good-night. + +MERESTON. + +Good-night. + + [_He goes out with_ GERALD. LADY FREDERICK + _turns and good-humouredly scrutinises_ + Paradine FOULDES. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well? + +FOULDES. + +Well? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You wear excellently, Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +Thanks. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +How do you manage it? + +FOULDES. + +By getting up late and never going to bed early, by eating whatever I +like and drinking whenever I'm thirsty, by smoking strong cigars, taking +no exercise, and refusing under any circumstances to be bored. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm sorry you had to leave town in such a hurry. Were you amusing +yourself? + +FOULDES. + +I come to the Riviera every year. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I daresay, but not so early. + +FOULDES. + +I've never surrendered so far to middle age as to make habits. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear Paradine, the day before yesterday, Lady Mereston, quite +distracted, went to the post office and sent you the following wire: +"Come at once, your help urgently needed. Charlie in toils designing +female, Maud." Am I right? + +FOULDES. + +I never admit even to myself that a well-dressed woman is mistaken. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +So you started post-haste, bent upon protecting your nephew, and were +infinitely surprised to learn that the designing female was no other +than your humble servant. + +FOULDES. + +You'd be irresistible, Lady Frederick, if you didn't know you were so +clever. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And now what are you going to do? + +FOULDES. + +My dear lady, I'm not a police officer, but a very harmless, inoffensive +old bachelor. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +With more wiles than the mother of many daughters and the subtlety of a +company promoter. + +FOULDES. + +Maud seems to think that as I've racketted about a little in my time, +I'm just the sort of man to deal with you. Set a thief to catch a thief, +don't you know? She's rather fond of proverbs. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +She should have thought rather of: When Greek meets Greek, then comes +the tug of war. I hear Lady Mereston has been saying the most agreeable +things about me. + +FOULDES. + +Ah, that's women's fault; they always show their hand. You're the only +woman I ever knew who didn't. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a brogue._] You should have avoided the Blarney Stone when you +went to Ireland. + +FOULDES. + +Look here, d'you want to marry Charlie? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why should I? + +FOULDES. + +Because he's got fifty thousand a year, and you're head over ears in +debt. You've got to raise something like four thousand pounds at once, +or you go under. You've got yourself a good deal talked about during the +last ten years, but people have stood you because you had plenty of +money. If you go broke they'll drop you like a hot potato. And I daresay +it wouldn't be inconvenient to change Lady Frederick Berolles into Lady +Mereston. My sister has always led me to believe that it is rather +attractive to be a Marchioness. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Unlike a duchess, its cheap without being gaudy. + +FOULDES. + +You asked me why you might want to marry a boy from ten to fifteen years +younger than yourself, and I've told you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And now perhaps you'll tell me why you're going to interfere in my +private concerns? + +FOULDES. + +Well, you see his mother happens to be my sister, and I'm rather fond of +her. It's true her husband was the most sanctimonious prig I've ever met +in my life. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I remember him well. He was president of the Broad Church Union and wore +side-whiskers. + +FOULDES. + +But she stuck to me through thick and thin. I've been in some pretty +tight places in my day, and she's always given me a leg up when I wanted +it. I've got an idea it would just about break her heart if Charlie +married you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Thanks. + +FOULDES. + +You know, I don't want to be offensive, but I think it would be a pity +myself. And besides, unless I'm much mistaken, I've got a little score +of my own that I want to pay off. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Have you? + +FOULDES. + +You've got a good enough memory not to have forgotten that you made a +blithering fool of me once. I swore I'd get even with you, and by +George, I mean to do it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] And how do you propose to stop me if I make up my mind +that I'm going to accept Charlie? + +FOULDES. + +Well, he's not proposed yet, has he? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not yet, but I've had to use every trick and device I can think of to +prevent him. + +FOULDES. + +Look here, I'm going to play this game with my cards on the table. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then I shall be on my guard. You're never so dangerous as when you +pretend to be frank. + +FOULDES. + +I'm sorry you should think so badly of me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't. Only it was a stroke of genius when Nature put the soul of a +Jesuit priest into the body of a Yorkshire squire. + +FOULDES. + +I wonder what you're paying me compliments for. You must be rather +afraid of me. + + [_They look at one another for a moment._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, let's look at these cards. + +FOULDES. + +First of all, there's this money you've got to raise. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well? + +FOULDES. + +This is my sister's suggestion. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That means you don't much like it. + +FOULDES. + +If you'll refuse the boy and clear out--we'll give you forty thousand +pounds. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I suppose you'd be rather surprised if I boxed your ears. + +FOULDES. + +Now, look here, between you and me high falutin's rather absurd, don't +you think so? You're in desperate want of money, and I don't suppose it +would amuse you much to have a young hobbledehoy hanging about your +skirts for the rest of your life. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Very well, we'll have no high falutin! You may tell Lady Mereston that +if I really wanted the money I shouldn't be such an idiot as to take +forty thousand down when I can have fifty thousand a year for the +asking. + +FOULDES. + +I told her that. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You showed great perspicacity. Now for the second card. + +FOULDES. + +My dear, it's no good getting into a paddy over it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've never been calmer in my life. + +FOULDES. + +You always had the very deuce of a temper. I suppose you've not given +Charlie a sample of it yet, have you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Not yet. + +FOULDES. + +Well, the second card's your reputation. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But I haven't got any. I thought that such an advantage. + +FOULDES. + +You see Charlie is a young fool. He thinks you a paragon of all the +virtues, and it's never occurred to him that you've rather gone the pace +in your time. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's one of my greatest consolations to think that even a hundred +horse-power racing motor couldn't be more rapid than I've been. + +FOULDES. + +Still it'll be rather a shock to Charlie when he hears that this modest +flower whom he trembles to adore has.... + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Very nearly eloped with his own uncle. But you won't tell him that story +because you hate looking a perfect ass. + +FOULDES. + +Madam, when duty calls, Paradine Fouldes consents even to look +ridiculous. But I was thinking of the Bellingham affair. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, of course, there's the Bellingham affair. I'd forgotten it. + +FOULDES. + +Nasty little business that, eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Horrid. + +FOULDES. + +Don't you think it would choke him off? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I think it very probable. + +FOULDES. + +Well, hadn't you better cave in? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Ringing the bell._] Ah, but you've not seen my cards yet. [_A servant +enters._] Tell my servant to bring down the despatch-box which is on my +writing-table. + +SERVANT. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_Exit._ + +FOULDES. + +What's up now? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, four or five years ago I was staying at this hotel, and Mimi la +Bretonne had rooms here. + +FOULDES. + +I never heard of the lady, but her name suggests that she had an +affectionate nature. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +She was a little singer at the Folies Bergères, and she had the +loveliest emeralds I ever saw. + +FOULDES. + +But you don't know Maud's. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +The late Lord Mereston had a passion for emeralds. He always thought +they were such pure stones. + +FOULDES. + +[_Quickly._] I beg your pardon? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, Mimi fell desperately ill, and there was no one to look after her. +Of course the pious English ladies in the hotel wouldn't go within a +mile of her, so I went and did the usual thing, don't you know. + + [LADY FREDERICK'S _man comes in with a small + despatch-box which he places on a table. He + goes out._ LADY FREDERICK _as she talks, + unlocks it_. + +FOULDES. + +Thank God I'm a bachelor, and no ministering angel ever smoothes my +pillow when I particularly want to be left alone. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I nursed her more or less through the whole illness, and afterwards she +fancied she owed me her worthless little life. She wanted to give me the +precious emeralds, and when I refused was so heart-broken that I said +I'd take one thing if I might. + +FOULDES. + +And what was that? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +A bundle of letters. I'd seen the address on the back of the envelope, +and then I recognised the writing. I thought they'd be much safer in my +hands than in hers. [_She takes them out of the box and hands them to_ +PARADINE.] Here they are. + + [_He looks and starts violently._ + +FOULDES. + +89 Grosvenor Square. It's Mereston's writing. You don't mean? What! Ah, +ah, ah. [_He bursts into a shout of laughter._] The old sinner. And +Mereston wouldn't have me in the house, if you please, because I was a +dissolute libertine. And he was the president of the Broad Church Union. +Good Lord, how often have I heard him say: "Gentlemen, I take my stand +on the morality, the cleanliness and the purity of English Family Life." +Oh, oh, oh. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've often noticed that the religious temperament is very susceptible to +the charms of my sex. + +FOULDES. + +May I look? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, I don't know. I suppose so. + +FOULDES. + +[_Reading._] "Heart's delight".... And he signs himself, "your darling +chickabiddy." The old ruffian. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +She was a very pretty little thing. + +FOULDES. + +I daresay, but thank heaven, I have some sense of decency left, and it +outrages all my susceptibilities that a man in side-whiskers should call +himself anybody's chickabiddy. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Protestations of undying affection are never ridiculous when they are +accompanied by such splendid emeralds. + +FOULDES. + +[_Starting and growing suddenly serious._] And what about Maud? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well? + +FOULDES. + +Poor girl, it'd simply break her heart. He preached at her steadily for +twenty years, and she worshipped the very ground he trod on. She'd have +died of grief at his death except she felt it her duty to go on with his +work. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I know. + +FOULDES. + +By Jove, it's a good card. You were quite right to refuse the emeralds: +these letters are twice as valuable. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Would you like to burn them? + +FOULDES. + +Betsy! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +There's the stove. Put them in. + + [_He takes them up in both hands and hurries to + the stove. But he stops and brings them + back, he throws them on the sofa._ + +FOULDES. + +No, I won't. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why not? + +FOULDES. + +It's too dooced generous. I'll fight you tooth and nail, but it's not +fair to take an advantage over me like that. You'll bind my hands with +fetters. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Very well. You've had your chance. + +FOULDES. + +But, by Jove, you must have a good hand to throw away a card like that. +What have you got--a straight flush? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I may be only bluffing, you know. + +FOULDES. + +Lord, it does me good to hear your nice old Irish brogue again. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Faith, and does it? + +FOULDES. + +I believe you only put it on to get over people. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Smiling._] Begorrah, it's not easy to get over you. + +FOULDES. + +Lord, I was in love with you once, wasn't I? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not more than lots of other people have been. + +FOULDES. + +And you did treat me abominably. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, that's what they all said. But you got over it very well. + +FOULDES. + +I didn't. My digestion was permanently impaired by your brutal +treatment. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Is that why you went to Carlsbad afterwards instead of the Rocky +Mountains? + +FOULDES. + +You may laugh, but the fact remains that I've only been in love once, +and that was with you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Smiling as she holds out her hand._] Good-night. + +FOULDES. + +For all that I'm going to fight you now for all I'm worth. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm not frightened of you, Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +Good-night. + + [_As he goes out_, CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE _enters_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Yawning and stretching her arms._] Oh I'm so sleepy. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I'm sorry for that. I wanted to have a talk with you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Smiling._] I daresay I can keep awake for five minutes, you +know--especially if you offer me a cigarette. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Here you are. + + [_He hands her his case and lights her cigarette._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a sigh._] Oh, what a comfort. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I wanted to tell you, I had a letter this morning from my solicitor to +say that he's just bought Crowley Castle on my behalf. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Really. But it's a lovely place. You must ask me to come and stay. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I should like you to stay there indefinitely. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a quick look._] That's charming of you, but I never desert my +London long. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Smiling._] I have a very nice house in Portman Square. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Surprised._] Really? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +And I'm thinking of going into Parliament at the next election. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It appears to be a very delightful pastime to govern the British nation, +dignified without being laborious. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Lady Frederick, although I've been in the service I have rather a good +head for business, and I hate beating about the bush. I wanted to ask +you to marry me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's nice of you not to make a fuss about it. I'm very much obliged but +I'm afraid I can't. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Why not? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, you see, I don't know you. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +We could spend the beginning of our married life so usefully in making +one another's acquaintance. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It would be rather late in the day then to come to the conclusion that +we couldn't bear the sight of one another. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Shall I send my banker's book so that you may see that my antecedents +are respectable and my circumstances--such as to inspire affection. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have no doubt it would be very interesting--but not to me. + + [_She makes as if to go._ + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Ah, don't go yet. Won't you give me some reason? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +If you insist. I'm not in the least in love with you. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +D'you think that much matters? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're a friend of Gerald's, and he says you're a very good sort. But I +really can't marry every one that Gerald rather likes. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +He said he'd put in a good word for me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +If I ever marry again it shall be to please myself, not to please my +brother. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I hope I shall induce you to alter your mind. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm afraid I can give you no hope of that. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +You know, when I determine to do a thing, I generally do it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That sounds very like a threat. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +You may take it as such if you please. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And you've made up your mind that you're going to marry me? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Quite. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, I've made up mine that you shan't. So we're quits. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Why don't you talk to your brother about it? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Because it's no business of his. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Isn't it? Ask him! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What do you mean by that? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Ask him? Good-night. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Good-night. [_He goes out._ LADY FREDERICK _goes to the French window +that leads to the terrace and calls_.] Gerald! + +GERALD. + +Hulloa! + + [_He appears and comes into the room._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Did you know that Captain Montgomerie was going to propose to me? + +GERALD. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Is there any reason why I should marry him? + +GERALD. + +Only that I owe him nine hundred pounds. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Aghast._] Oh, why didn't you tell me? + +GERALD. + +You were so worried, I couldn't. Oh, I've been such a fool. I tried to +make a _coup_ for Rose's sake. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Is it a gambling debt? + +GERALD. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Ironically._] What they call a debt of honour? + +GERALD. + +I must pay it the day after to-morrow without fail. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But that's the day my two bills fall due. And if you don't? + +GERALD. + +I shall have to send in my papers, and I shall lose Rosie. And then I +shall blow out my silly brains. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But who is the man? + +GERALD. + +He's the son of Aaron Levitzki, the money-lender. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Half-comic, half-aghast._] Oh lord! + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT + + + + +THE SECOND ACT + + + _The scene is the same as in_ ACT I. ADMIRAL CARLISLE _is sleeping + in an armchair with a handkerchief over his face_. ROSE _is sitting + on a grandfather's chair, and_ GERALD _is leaning over the back_. + + +ROSE. + +Isn't papa a perfectly adorable chaperon? + + [_The_ ADMIRAL _snores_. + +GERALD. + +Perfectly. + + [_A pause._ + +ROSE. + +I've started fifteen topics of conversation in the last quarter of an +hour, Gerald. + +GERALD. + +[_Smiling._] Have you? + +ROSE. + +You always agree with me, and there's an end of it. So I have to rack my +brains again. + +GERALD. + +All you say is so very wise and sensible. Of course I agree. + +ROSE. + +I wonder if you'll think me sensible and wise in ten years. + +GERALD. + +I'm quite sure I shall. + +ROSE. + +Why, then, I'm afraid we shan't cultivate any great brilliancy of +repartee. + +GERALD. + +Be good, sweet maid, and let who will be clever. + +ROSE. + +Oh, don't say that. When a man's in love, he at once makes a pedestal of +the Ten Commandments and stands on the top of them with his arms akimbo. +When a woman's in love she doesn't care two straws for Thou Shalt and +Thou Shalt Not. + +GERALD. + +When a woman's in love she can put her heart on the slide of a +microscope and examine how it beats. When a man's in love, what do you +think he cares for science and philosophy and all the rest of it! + +ROSE. + +When a man's in love he can only write sonnets to the moon. When a +woman's in love she can still cook his dinner and darn her own +stockings. + +GERALD. + +I wish you wouldn't cap all my observations. + + [_She lifts up her face, and he kisses her lips._ + +ROSE. + +I'm beginning to think you're rather nice, you know. + +GERALD. + +That's reassuring, at all events. + +ROSE. + +But no one could accuse you of being a scintillating talker. + +GERALD. + +Have you ever watched the lovers in the Park sitting on the benches hour +after hour without saying a word? + +ROSE. + +Why? + +GERALD. + +Because I've always thought that they must be bored to the verge of +tears. Now I know they're only happy. + +ROSE. + +You're certainly my soldier, so I suppose I'm your nursery-maid. + +GERALD. + +You know, when I was at Trinity College, Dublin---- + +ROSE. + +[_Interrupting._] Were you there? I thought you went to Oxford. + +GERALD. + +No, why? + +ROSE. + +Only all my people go to Magdalen. + +GERALD. + +Yes. + +ROSE. + +And I've decided that if I ever have a son he shall go there too. + + [_The_ ADMIRAL _starts and pulls the handkerchief + off his face. The others do not notice him. + He is aghast and astounded at the conversation._ + LADY FREDERICK _comes in later and + stands smiling as she listens_. + +GERALD. + +My darling, you know I hate to thwart you in any way, but I've quite +made up my mind that my son shall go to Dublin as I did. + +ROSE. + +I'm awfully sorry, Gerald, but the boy must be educated like a +gentleman. + +GERALD. + +There I quite agree, Rose, but first of all he's an Irishman, and it's +right that he should be educated in Ireland. + +ROSE. + +Darling Gerald, a mother's love is naturally the safest guide in these +things. + +GERALD. + +Dearest Rose, a father's wisdom is always the most reliable. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Pardon my interfering, but--aren't you just a little previous? + +ADMIRAL. + +[_Bursting out._] Did you ever hear such a conversation in your life +between a young unmarried couple? + +ROSE. + +My dear papa, we must be prepared for everything. + +ADMIRAL. + +In my youth young ladies did not refer to things of that sort. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, I don't suppose they're any the worse for having an elementary +knowledge of natural history. Personally I doubt whether ignorance is +quite the same thing as virtue, and I'm not quite sure that a girl makes +a better wife because she's been brought up like a perfect fool. + +ADMIRAL. + +I am old-fashioned, Lady Frederick; and my idea of a modest girl is that +when certain topics are mentioned she should swoon. Swoon, madam, +swoon. They always did it when I was a lad. + +ROSE. + +Well, father, I've often tried to faint when I wanted something that you +wouldn't give me, and I've never been able to manage it. So I'm sure I +couldn't swoon. + +ADMIRAL. + +And with regard to this ridiculous discussion as to which University +your son is to be sent, you seem to forget that I have the right to be +consulted. + +GERALD. + +My dear Admiral, I don't see how it can possibly matter to you. + +ADMIRAL. + +And before we go any further I should like you to know that the very day +Rose was born I determined that her son should go to Cambridge. + +ROSE. + +My dear papa, I think Gerald and I are far and away the best judges of +our son's welfare. + +ADMIRAL. + +The boy must work, Rose. I will have no good-for-nothing as my grandson. + +GERALD. + +Exactly. And that is why I'm resolved he shall go to Dublin. + +ROSE. + +The important thing is that he should have really nice manners, and that +they teach at Oxford if they teach nothing else. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, don't you think you'd better wait another twenty years or so +before you discuss this? + +ADMIRAL. + +There are some matters which must be settled at once, Lady Frederick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You know, young things are fairly independent nowadays. I don't know +what they'll be in twenty years' time. + +GERALD. + +The first thing the boy shall learn is obedience. + +ROSE. Certainly. There's nothing so hateful as a disobedient child. + +ADMIRAL. + +I can't see my grandson venturing to disobey me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then you're all agreed. So that's settled. I came to tell you your +carriage was ready. + +ADMIRAL. + +Go and put on your bonnet, Rose. [_To_ LADY FREDERICK.] Are you coming +with us? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm afraid I can't. Au revoir. + +ADMIRAL. + +A tout à l'heure. + + [_He and_ ROSE _go out_. + +GERALD. + +Have you ever seen in your life any one so entirely delightful as Rose? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Only when I've looked in the glass. + +GERALD. + +My dear Elizabeth, how vain you are. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're very happy, my Gerald. + +GERALD. + +It's such a relief to have got over all the difficulties. I thought it +never would come right. You are a brick, Elizabeth. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I really think I am rather. + +GERALD. + +The moment you promised to arrange things I felt as safe as a house. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I said I'd do my best, didn't I? And I told you not to worry. + +GERALD. + +[_Turning round suddenly._] Isn't it all right? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, it's about as wrong as it can possibly be. I knew Cohen was staying +here, and I thought I could get him to hold the bills over for a few +days. + +GERALD. + +And won't he? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +He hasn't got them any more. + +GERALD. + +[_Startled._] What! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +They've been negotiated, and he swears he doesn't know who has them. + +GERALD. + +But who could have been such a fool? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know, that's just the awful part of it. It was bad enough +before. I knew the worst Cohen could do, but now.... It couldn't be +Paradine. + +GERALD. + +And then there's Montgomerie. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I shall see him to-day. + +GERALD. + +What are you going to say to him? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I haven't an idea. I'm rather frightened of him. + +GERALD. + +You know, dear, if the worst comes to the worst.... + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Whatever happens you shall marry Rose. I promise you that. + + [PARADINE FOULDES _appears_. + +FOULDES. + +May I come in? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Gaily._] It's a public room. I don't see how we can possibly prevent +you. + +GERALD. + +I'm just going to take a stroll. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Do. + + [_He goes out._ + +FOULDES. + +Well? How are things going? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Quite well, thank you. + +FOULDES. + +I've left Charlie with his mother. I hope you can spare him for a couple +of hours. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I told him he must spend the afternoon with her. I don't approve of his +neglecting his filial duty. + +FOULDES. + +Ah!... I saw Dick Cohen this morning. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Quickly._] Did you? + +FOULDES. + +It seems to interest you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not at all. Why should it? + +FOULDES. + +[_Smiling._] Nice little man, isn't he? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Good humouredly._] I wish I had something to throw at you. + +FOULDES. + +[_With a laugh._] Well, I haven't got the confounded bills. I was too +late. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Did you try? + +FOULDES. + +Oh--yes, I thought it would interest Charlie to know how extremely +needful it was for you to marry him. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then who on earth has got them? + +FOULDES. + +I haven't an idea, but they must make you very uncomfortable. Three +thousand five hundred, eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Don't say it all at once. It sounds so much. + +FOULDES. + +You wouldn't like to exchange those letters of Mereston's for seven +thousand pounds, would you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] No. + +FOULDES. + +Ah.... By the way, d'you mind if I tell Charlie the full story of +your--relations with me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why should I? It's not I who'll look ridiculous. + +FOULDES. + +Thanks. I may avail myself of your permission. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I daresay you've noticed that Charlie has a very keen sense of humour. + +FOULDES. + +If you're going to be disagreeable to me I shall go. [_He stops._] I +say, are you quite sure there's nothing else that can be brought up +against you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Quite sure, thanks. + +FOULDES. + +My sister's very jubilant to-day. What about the Bellingham affair? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Merely scandal, my friend. + +FOULDES. + +Well, look out. She's a woman, and she'll stick at nothing. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I wonder why you warn me. + +FOULDES. + +For the sake of old times, my dear. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're growing sentimental, Paradine. It's the punishment which the gods +inflict on a cynic when he grows old. + +FOULDES. + +It may be, but for the life of me I can't forget that once---- + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Interrupting._] My dear friend, don't rake up my lamentable past. + +FOULDES. + +I don't think I've met any one so entirely devoid of sentiment as you +are. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Let us agree that I have every vice under the sun and have done with it. + + [_A_ SERVANT _comes in_.] + +SERVANT. + +Madame Claude wishes to see your ladyship. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my dressmaker. + +FOULDES. + +Another bill? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That's the worst of Monte. One meets as many creditors as in Bond +Street. Say I'm engaged. + +SERVANT. + +Madame Claude says she will wait till miladi is free. + +FOULDES. + +You make a mistake. One should always be polite to people whose bills +one can't pay. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Show her in. + +SERVANT. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_Exit_ SERVANT. + +FOULDES. + +Is it a big one? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, no; only seven hundred pounds. + +FOULDES. + +By Jove. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear friend, one must dress. I can't go about in fig-leaves. + +FOULDES. + +One can dress simply. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I do. That's why it costs so much. + +FOULDES. + +You know, you're devilish extravagant. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm not. I'm content with the barest necessities of existence. + +FOULDES. + +You've got a maid. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Of course I've got a maid. I was never taught to dress myself. + +FOULDES. + +And you've got a footman. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've always had a footman. And my mother always had a footman. I +couldn't live a day without him. + +FOULDES. + +What does he do for you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +He inspires confidence in tradesmen. + +FOULDES. + +And you have the most expensive suite of rooms in the hotel. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm in such a dreadful mess. If I hadn't got nice rooms I should brood +over it. + +FOULDES. + +Then, as if that weren't enough, you fling your money away at the +tables. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +When you're as poor as I am, a few louis more or less can make +absolutely no difference. + +FOULDES. + +[_With a laugh._] You're quite incorrigible. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's really not my fault. I do try to be economical, but money slips +through my fingers like water. I can't help it. + +FOULDES. + +You want a sensible sort of a man to look after you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I want a very rich sort of a man to look after me. + +FOULDES. + +If you were my wife, I should advertise in the papers that I wasn't +responsible for your debts. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +If you were my husband, I'd advertise immediately underneath that I +wasn't responsible for your manners. + +FOULDES. + +I wonder why you're so reckless. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +When my husband was alive I was so utterly wretched. And afterwards, +when I looked forward to a little happiness, my boy died. Then I didn't +care any more. I did everything I could to stupefy myself. I squandered +money as other women take morphia--that's all. + +FOULDES. + +It's the same dear scatter-brained, good-hearted Betsy that I used to +know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're the only person who calls me Betsy now. To all the others I'm +only Elizabeth. + +FOULDES. + +Look here, what are you going to do with this dressmaker? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know. I always trust to the inspiration of the moment. + +FOULDES. + +She'll make a devil of a fuss, won't she? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, no; I shall be quite nice to her. + +FOULDES. + +I daresay. But won't she be very disagreeable to you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You don't know what a way I have with my creditors. + +FOULDES. + +I know it's not a paying way. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Isn't it? I bet you a hundred louis that I offer her the money and she +refuses it. + +FOULDES. + +I'll take that. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Here she is. + + [MADAME CLAUDE _enters, ushered in by the_ + SERVANT. _She is a stout, genteel person, + very splendidly gowned, with a Cockney + accent. Her face is set to sternness, decision + to make a scene, and general sourness._ + +SERVANT. + +Madame Claude. + + [_Exit_ SERVANT. LADY FREDERICK _goes up to + her enthusiastically and takes both her + hands_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Best of women. This is a joyful surprise. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Drawing herself up._] I 'eard quite by chance that your ladyship was +at Monte. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +So you came to see me at once. That was nice of you. You're the very +person I wanted to see. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Significantly._] I'm glad of that, my lady, I must confess. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You dear creature. That's one advantage of Monte Carlo, one meets all +one's friends. Do you know Mr. Fouldes? This is Madame Claude, an +artist, my dear Paradine, a real artist. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Grimly._] I'm pleased that your ladyship should think so. + +FOULDES. + +How d'you do. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now, this gown. Look, look, look. In this skirt there's genius, _mon +cher_. In the way it hangs my whole character is expressed. Observe the +fullness of it, that indicates those admirable virtues which make me an +ornament to Society, while the frill at the bottom just suggests those +foibles--you can hardly call them faults--which add a certain grace and +interest to my personality. And the flounce. Paradine, I beseech you to +look at it carefully. I would sooner have designed this flounce than won +the Battle of Waterloo. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Your ladyship is very kind. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not at all, not at all. You remember that rose chiffon. I wore it the +other day, and the dear Archduchess came up to me and said: "My dear, my +dear." I thought she was going to have a fit. But when she recovered she +kissed me on both cheeks and said: "Lady Frederick, you have a +dressmaker worth her weight in gold." You heard her, Paradine, didn't +you? + +FOULDES. + +You forget that I only arrived last night. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Of course. How stupid of me. She'll be perfectly delighted to hear that +you're in Monte Carlo. But I shall have to break it to her gently. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Unmoved._] I'm sorry to intrude upon your ladyship. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now what are you talking about? If you hadn't come to see me I should +never have forgiven you. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +I wanted to have a little talk with your ladyship. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, but I hope we shall have many little talks. Have you brought your +motor down? + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That's charming. You shall take me for a drive in it every day. I hope +you're going to stay some time. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +That depends on circumstances, Lady Frederick. I 'ave a little business +to do here. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then let me give you one warning--don't gamble. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Oh, no, my lady. I gamble quite enough in my business as it is. I never +know when my customers will pay their bills--if ever. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Slightly taken aback._] Ha, ha, ha. + +FOULDES. + +[_With a deep guffaw._] Ho, ho, ho. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Isn't she clever? I must tell that to the Archduchess. She'll be so +amused. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The dear Archduchess, you know she loves a +little joke. You must really meet her. Will you come and lunch? I know +you'd hit it off together. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_More genially._] That's very kind of your ladyship. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear, you know perfectly well that I've always looked upon you as one +of my best friends. Now who shall we have? There's you and me and the +Archduchess. Then I'll ask Lord Mereston. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +The Marquess of Mereston, Lady Frederick? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes. And Mr. Fouldes, his uncle. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Excuse me, are you the Mr. Paradine Fouldes? + +FOULDES. + +[_Bowing._] At your service, madam. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +I'm so glad to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fouldes. [_Unctuously._] I've +always heard you're such a bad man. + +FOULDES. + +Madam, you overwhelm me with confusion. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Believe me, Mr. Fouldes, it's not the ladies that are married to saints +who take the trouble to dress well. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now we want a third man. Shall we ask my brother--you know Sir Gerald +O'Mara, don't you? Or shall we ask Prince Doniani? Yes, I think we'll +ask the Prince. I'm sure you'd like him. Such a handsome man! That'll +make six. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +It's very kind of you, Lady Frederick, but--well, I'm only a +tradeswoman, you know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +A tradeswoman? How can you talk such nonsense. You are an artist--a real +artist, my dear. And an artist is fit to meet a king. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Well, I don't deny that I'd be ashamed to dress my customers in the +gowns I see painted at the Royal Academy. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then it's quite settled, isn't it, Madame Claude--oh, may I call you +Ada? + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Oh, Lady Frederick, I should be very much flattered. But how did you +know that was my name? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why you wrote me a letter only the other day. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Did I? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And such a cross letter too. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Apologetically._] Oh, but Lady Frederick, that was only in the way of +business. I don't exactly remember what expressions I may have made use +of---- + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Interrupting, as if the truth had suddenly flashed across her._] Ada! +I do believe you came here to-day about my account. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Oh, no, my lady, I promise you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You did; I know you did. I see it in your face. Now that really wasn't +nice of you. I thought you came as a friend. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +I did, Lady Frederick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, you wanted to dun me. I'm disappointed in you. I did think, after +all the things I've had from you, you wouldn't treat me like that. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +But I assure your ladyship.... + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not another word. You came to ask for a cheque. You shall have it. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +No, Lady Frederick, I wouldn't take it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What is the exact figure, Madame Claude? + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +I--I don't remember. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Seven hundred and fifty pounds, seventeen and ninepence. You see, I +remember. You came for your cheque and you shall have it. + + [_She sits down and takes a pen._ + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Now, Lady Frederick, I should look upon that as most unkind. It's +treating me like a very second-rate establishment. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm sorry, but you should have thought of that before. Now I haven't got +a cheque; how tiresome. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Oh, it doesn't matter, Lady Frederick. I promise you it never entered my +'ead. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What shall I do? + +FOULDES. + +You can write it on a sheet of paper, you know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a look, aside to him._] Monster! [_Aloud._] Of course I can. I +hadn't thought of that. [_She takes a sheet of paper._] But how on earth +am I to get a stamp? + +FOULDES. + +[_Much amused._] I happen to have one on me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I wonder why on earth you should have English stamps in Monte Carlo? + +FOULDES. + +[_Handing her one._] A penny stamp may sometimes save one a hundred +louis. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Ironically._] Thanks so much. I write the name of my bank on the top, +don't I? Pay Madame Claude.... + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Now, it's no good, Lady Frederick, I won't take it. After all I 'ave my +self-respect to think of. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's too late now. + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Sniffing a little._] No, no, Lady Frederick. Don't be too 'ard on me. +As one lady to another I ask you to forgive me. I did come about my +account, but--well, I don't want the money. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Looking up good-humouredly._] Well, well. [_She looks at the cheque._] +It shall be as you wish. There. [_She tears it up._] + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +Oh, thank you, Lady Frederick. I look upon that as a real favour. And +now I really must be getting off. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Must you go? Well, good-bye. Paradine, take Madame Claude to her motor. +Ada! + + [_She kisses her on the cheek._ + +MADAME CLAUDE. + +[_Going._] I am pleased to have seen you. + + [PARADINE _offers his arm and goes out with_ + MADAME CLAUDE. LADY FREDERICK _goes + to the window, stands on a chair and waves + her handkerchief. While she is doing this_ + CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE _enters_. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +How d'you do? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Getting down._] How nice of you to come. I wanted to see you. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +May I sit down? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Of course. There are one or two things I'd like to talk to you about. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Yes? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +First I must thank you for your great kindness to Gerald. I didn't know +last night that he owed you a good deal of money. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +It's a mere trifle. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You must be very rich to call nine hundred pounds that? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I am. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a laugh._] All the same it's extremely good of you to give him +plenty of time. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I told Gerald he could have till to-morrow. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Obviously he wants to settle with you as soon as ever he can. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Quietly._] I often wonder why gambling debts are known as debts of +honour. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Looking at him steadily._] Of course I realise that if you choose to +press for the money and Gerald can't pay--he'll have to send in his +papers. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Lightly._] You may be quite sure I have no wish to bring about such a +calamity. By the way, have you thought over our little talk of last +night? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +You would have been wise to do so. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear Captain Montgomerie, you really can't expect me to marry you +because my brother has been so foolish as to lose more money at poker +than he can afford. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Did you ever hear that my father was a money-lender? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +A lucrative profession, I believe. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +He found it so. He was a Polish Jew called Aaron Levitzki. He came to +this country with three shillings in his pocket. He lent half-a-crown of +it to a friend on the condition that he should be paid back seven and +six in three days. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm not good at figures, but the interest sounds rather high. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +It is. That was one of my father's specialities. From these humble +beginnings his business grew to such proportions that at his death he +was able to leave me the name and arms of the great family of +Montgomerie and something over a million of money. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +The result of thrift, industry, and good fortune. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +My father was able to gratify all his ambitions but one. He was eaten up +with the desire to move in good society, and this he was never able to +achieve. His dying wish was that I should live in those circles which he +knew only.... + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Across the counter? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Precisely. But my poor father was a little ignorant in these matters. To +him one lord was as good as another. He thought a Marquess a finer man +than an Earl, and a Viscount than a Baron. He would never have +understood that a penniless Irish baronet might go into better society +than many a belted earl. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And what is the application of this? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I wanted to explain to you one of the reasons which emboldened me last +night to make you a proposal of marriage. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But surely you know some very nice people. I saw you lunching the other +day with the widow of a city knight. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Many very excellent persons are glad to have me to dine with them. But I +know quite well that they're not the real article. I'm as far off as +ever from getting into those houses which you have been used to all your +life. I'm not content with third-rate earls and rather seedy dowagers. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Forgive my frankness, but--aren't you rather a snob? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +My father, Aaron Levitzki, married an English woman, and I have all the +English virtues. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But I'm not quite sure that people would swallow you even as my +husband. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +They'd make a face, but they'd swallow me right enough. And when I asked +them down to the best shoot in England they'd come to the conclusion +that I agreed with them very well. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Still rather amused._] Your offer is eminently businesslike, but you +see I'm not a business woman. It doesn't appeal to me. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I only ask you to perform such of the duties of a wife as are required +by Society. They are few enough in all conscience. I should wish you to +entertain largely and receive my guests, be polite to me, at least in +public, and go with me to the various places people go to. Otherwise I +leave you entire freedom. You will find me generous and heedful to all +your wishes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Captain Montgomerie, I don't know how much of all that you have said is +meant seriously. But, surely you're not choosing the right time to make +such a proposal when my brother owes you so much money that if you care +to be hard you can ruin him. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Why not? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +D'you mean to say ...? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I will be quite frank with you. I should never have allowed Gerald to +lose so much money which there was no likelihood of his being able to +pay, if I had not thought it earned me some claim upon your gratitude. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Shortly._] Gerald will pay every penny he owes you to-morrow. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Blandly._] Where d'you suppose he'll get it? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have no doubt I shall be able to manage something. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Have you not tried this morning, entirely without success? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Startled._] What? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +You do not forget that you have sundry moneys of your own which are +payable to-morrow? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +How d'you know that? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I told you that when I took a thing in hand I carried it through. You +went to Dick Cohen, and he told you he'd parted with the bills. Didn't +you guess that only one man could have the least interest in taking them +over? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, God. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Come, come, don't be worried over it. There's nothing to be alarmed +about. I'm a very decent chap--if you'd accepted me right away you would +never have known that those bills were in my possession. Think it over +once more. I'm sure we should get on well together. I can give you what +you most need, money and the liberty to fling it away as recklessly as +you choose; you can give me the assured and fixed position on which--my +father's heart was set. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And if I don't accept, you'll make me a bankrupt and you'll ruin Gerald? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I refuse to consider that very unpleasant alternative. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh! I can't, I can't. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Laughing._] But you must, you must. When shall I come for your answer? +To-morrow? I'll come with the bills and Gerald's I.O.U. in my pocket, +and you shall burn them yourself. Good-bye. + + [_He kisses her hand and goes out._ LADY + FREDERICK _remains staring in front of + her_. MERESTON _enters, followed by_ LADY + MERESTON _and_ PARADINE. + +MERESTON. + +[_Going to her eagerly._] Hulloa! I wondered what on earth had become of +you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a laugh._] It's only two hours since I chased you away from me. + +MERESTON. + +I'm afraid I bore you to death. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Don't be so silly. You know you don't. + +MERESTON. + +Where are you going now? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have rather a headache. I'm going to lie down. + +MERESTON. + +I'm so sorry. + + [LADY FREDERICK _goes out_. MERESTON _stares + after her anxiously, and makes a step + towards the door_. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Sharply._] Where are you going, Charlie? + +MERESTON. + +I never asked Lady Frederick if I could do anything. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Good heavens, there are surely plenty of servants in the hotel to get +her anything she wants. + +MERESTON. + +Don't you think a drive in the motor would do her good? + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Unable to control herself._] Oh, I have no patience with you. I never +saw such a ridiculous infatuation in my life. + +PARADINE. + +Steady, old girl, steady. + +MERESTON. + +What on earth d'you mean, mother? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Presumably you're not going to deny that you're in love with that woman. + +MERESTON. + +[_Growing pale._] Would you mind speaking of her as Lady Frederick? + +LADY MERESTON. + +You try me very much, Charlie. Please answer my question. + +MERESTON. + +I don't want to seem unkind to you, mother, but I think you have no +right to ask about my private affairs. + +FOULDES. + +If you're going to talk this matter over you're more likely to come to +an understanding if you both keep your tempers. + +MERESTON. + +There's nothing I wish to discuss. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Don't be absurd, Charlie. You're with Lady Frederick morning, noon and +night. She can never stir a yard from the hotel but you go flying after. +You pester her with your ridiculous attentions. + +FOULDES. + +[_Blandly._] One's relations have always such an engaging frankness. +Like a bad looking-glass, they always represent you with a crooked nose +and a cast in your eye. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_To_ MERESTON.] I have certainly a right to know what you mean by all +this and what is going to come of it. + +MERESTON. + +I don't know what will come of it. + +FOULDES. + +The question that excites our curiosity is this: are you going to ask +Lady Frederick to marry you? + +MERESTON. + +I refuse to answer that. It seems to me excessively impertinent. + +FOULDES. + +Come, come, my boy, you're too young to play the heavy father. We're +both your friends. Hadn't you better make a clean breast of it? After +all, your mother and I are interested in nothing so much as your +welfare. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Imploring._] Charlie! + +MERESTON. + +Of course I'd ask her to marry me if I thought for a moment that she'd +accept. But I'm so terrified that she'll refuse, and then perhaps I +shall never see her again. + +LADY MERESTON. + +The boy's stark, staring mad. + +MERESTON. + +I don't know what I should do if she sent me about my business. I'd +rather continue in this awful uncertainty than lose all hope for ever. + +FOULDES. + +By George. You're pretty far gone, my son. The lover who's diffident is +in a much worse way than the lover who protests. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_With a little laugh._] I must say it amuses me that Lady Frederick +should have had both my brother and my son dangling at her skirts. Your +respective passions are separated by quite a number of years. + +MERESTON. + +Lady Frederick has already told me of that incident. + +FOULDES. + +With the usual indiscretion of her sex. + +MERESTON. + +It appears that she was very unhappy and you, with questionable taste, +made love to her. + +FOULDES. + +Do your best not to preach at me, dear boy. It reminds me of your +lamented father. + +MERESTON. + +And at last she promised to go away with you. You were to meet at +Waterloo Station. + +FOULDES. + +Such a draughty place for an assignation. + +MERESTON. + +Your train was to start at nine, and you were going to take the boat +over to the Channel Isles. + +FOULDES. + +Lady Frederick has a very remarkable memory. I remember hoping the sea +wouldn't be rough. + +MERESTON. + +And just as the train was starting her eye fell on the clock. At that +moment her child was coming down to breakfast and would ask for her. +Before you could stop her she'd jumped out of the carriage. The train +was moving, and you couldn't get out, so you were taken on to +Weymouth--alone. + +LADY MERESTON. + +You must have felt a quite egregious ass, Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +I did, but you need not rub it in. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Doesn't it occur to you, Charlie, that a woman who loves so easily can't +be very worthy of your affection? + +MERESTON. + +But, my dear mother, d'you think she cared for my uncle? + +FOULDES. + +What the dickens d'you mean? + +MERESTON. + +D'you suppose if she loved you she would have hesitated to come? D'you +know her so little as that? She thought of her child only because she +was quite indifferent to you. + +FOULDES. + +[_Crossly._] You know nothing about it, and you're an impertinent young +jackanapes. + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Paradine, what can it matter if Lady Frederick was in love with +you or not? + +FOULDES. + +[_Calming down._] Of course it doesn't matter a bit. + +LADY MERESTON. + +I have no doubt you mistook wounded vanity for a broken heart. + +FOULDES. + +[_Acidly._] My dear, you sometimes say things which explain to me why my +brother-in-law so frequently abandoned his own fireside for the platform +of Exeter Hall. + +MERESTON. + +It may also interest you to learn that I am perfectly aware of Lady +Frederick's financial difficulties. I know she has two bills falling due +to-morrow. + +FOULDES. + +She's a very clever woman. + +MERESTON. + +I've implored her to let me lend her the money, and she absolutely +refuses. You see, she's kept nothing from me at all. + +LADY MERESTON. + +My dear Charlie, it's a very old dodge to confess what doesn't matter in +order to conceal what does. + +MERESTON. + +What do you mean, mother? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Lady Frederick has told you nothing of the Bellingham affair? + +MERESTON. + +Why should she? + +LADY MERESTON. + +It is surely expedient you should know that the woman you have some idea +of marrying escaped the divorce court only by the skin of her teeth. + +MERESTON. + +I don't believe that, mother. + +FOULDES. + +Remember that you're talking to your respected parent, my boy. + +MERESTON. + +I'm sorry that my mother should utter base and contemptible libels +on--my greatest friend. + +LADY MERESTON. + +You may be quite sure that I say nothing which I can't prove. + +MERESTON. + +I won't listen to anything against Lady Frederick. + +LADY MERESTON. + +But you must. + +MERESTON. + +Are you quite indifferent to the great pain you cause me? + +LADY MERESTON. + +I can't allow you to marry a woman who's hopelessly immoral. + +MERESTON. + +Mother, how dare you say that? + +FOULDES. + +This isn't the sort of thing I much like, but hadn't you better hear the +worst at once? + +MERESTON. + +Very well. But if my mother insists on saying things, she must say them +in Lady Frederick's presence. + +LADY MERESTON. + +That I'm quite willing to do. + +MERESTON. + +Good. + + [_He rings the bell. A servant enters._ + +FOULDES. + +You'd better take care, Maudie. Lady Frederick's a dangerous woman to +play the fool with. + +MERESTON. + +[_To the servant._] Go to Lady Frederick Berolles and say Lord Mereston +is extremely sorry to trouble her ladyship, but would be very much +obliged if she'd come to the drawing-room for two minutes. + +SERVANT. + +Very well, my lord. + + [_Exit._ + +FOULDES. + +What are you going to do, Maud? + +LADY MERESTON. + +I knew there was a letter in existence in Lady Frederick's handwriting +which proved all I've said about her. I've moved heaven and earth to get +hold of it, and it came this morning. + +FOULDES. + +Don't be such a fool. You're not going to use that? + +LADY MERESTON. + +I am indeed. + +FOULDES. + +Your blood be upon your own head. Unless I'm vastly mistaken you'll +suffer the greatest humiliation that you can imagine. + +LADY MERESTON. + +That's absurd. I have nothing to fear. + +LADY FREDERICK. _comes in._ + +MERESTON. + +I'm so sorry to disturb you. I hope you don't mind? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not at all. I knew you wouldn't have sent for me in that fashion without +good cause. + +MERESTON. + +I'm afraid you'll think me dreadfully impertinent. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Really you need not apologise so much, Charlie. + +MERESTON. + +My mother has something to say against you, and I think it right that +she should say it in your presence. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That's very nice of you, Charlie--though I confess I prefer people to +say horrid things of me only behind my back. Especially if they're true. + +FOULDES. + +Look here, I think all this is rather nonsense. We've most of us got +something in our past history that we don't want raked up, and we'd all +better let bygones be bygones. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm waiting, Lady Mereston. + +LADY MERESTON. + +It's merely that I thought my son should know that Lady Frederick had +been the mistress of Roger Bellingham. [LADY FREDERICK _turns quickly +and looks at her_; _then bursts into a peal of laughter_. LADY MERESTON +_springs up angrily and hands her a letter_.] Is this in your +handwriting? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Not at all disconcerted._] Dear me, how did you get hold of this? + +LADY MERESTON. + +You see that I have ample proof, Lady Frederick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Handing the letter to_ MERESTON.] Would you like to read it? You know +my writing well enough to be able to answer Lady Mereston's question. + + [_He reads it through and looks at her in dismay._ + +MERESTON. + +Good God!... What does it mean? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Pray read it aloud. + +MERESTON. + +I can't. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then give it to me. [_She takes it from him._] It's addressed to my +brother-in-law, Peter Berolles. The Kate to whom it refers was his wife. +[_Reads._] Dear Peter: I'm sorry you should have had a row with Kate +about Roger Bellingham. You are quite wrong in all you thought. There is +absolutely nothing between them. I don't know where Kate was on Tuesday +night, but certainly she was not within a hundred miles of Roger. This I +know because.... + +MERESTON. + +[_Interrupting._] For God's sake don't go on. + + [LADY FREDERICK _looks at him and shrugs her + shoulders_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's signed Elizabeth Berolles. And there's a postscript: You may make +what use of this letter you like. + +MERESTON. + +What does it mean? What does it mean? + +LADY MERESTON. + +Surely it's very clear? You can't want a more explicit confession of +guilt. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I tried to make it as explicit as possible. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Won't you say something? I'm sure there must be some explanation. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know how you got hold of this letter, Lady Mereston. I agree +with you, it is compromising. But Kate and Peter are dead now, and +there's nothing to prevent me from telling the truth. + + [PARADINE FOULDES _takes a step forward and + watches her_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My sister-in-law was a meek and mild little person, as demure as you can +imagine, and no one would have suspected her for a moment of kicking +over the traces. Well, one morning she came to me in floods of tears and +confessed that she and Roger Bellingham [_with a shrug_] had been +foolish. Her husband suspected that something was wrong and had kicked +up a row. + +FOULDES. + +[_Drily._] There are men who will make a scene on the smallest +provocation. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +To shield herself she told the first lie that came into her head. She +said to Peter that Roger Bellingham was my lover--and she threw herself +on my mercy. She was a poor, weak little creature, and if there'd been a +scandal she'd have gone to the dogs altogether. It had only been a +momentary infatuation for Roger, and the scare had cured her. At the +bottom of her heart she loved her husband still. I was desperately +unhappy, and I didn't care much what became of me. She promised to turn +over a new leaf and all that sort of thing. I thought I'd better give +her another chance of going straight. I did what she wanted. I wrote +that letter taking all the blame on myself, and Kate lived happily with +her husband till she died. + +MERESTON. + +It was just like you. + +LADY MERESTON. + +But Lord and Lady Peter are dead? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes. + +LADY MERESTON. + +And Roger Bellingham? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +He's dead too. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Then how can you prove your account of this affair? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I can't. + +LADY MERESTON. + +And does this convince you, Charlie? + +MERESTON. + +Of course. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_Impatiently._] Good heavens, the boy's out of his senses. Paradine, +for Heaven's sake say something. + +FOULDES. + +Well, much as it may displease you, my dear, I'm afraid I agree with +Charlie. + +LADY MERESTON. + +You don't mean to say you believe this cock-and-bull story? + +FOULDES. + +I do. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Why? + +FOULDES. + +Well, you see, Lady Frederick's a very clever woman. She would never +have invented such an utterly improbable tale, which can't possibly be +proved. If she'd been guilty, she'd have had ready at least a dozen +proofs of her innocence. + +LADY MERESTON. + +But that's absurd. + +FOULDES. + +Besides, I've known Lady Frederick a long time, and she has at least a +thousand faults. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With flashing eyes._] Thanks. + +FOULDES. + +But there's something I will say for her. She's not a liar. If she tells +me a thing, I don't hesitate for a moment to believe it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's not a matter of the smallest importance if any of you believe me or +not. Be so good as to ring, Charlie. + +MERESTON. + +Certainly. + + [_He rings, and a_ SERVANT _immediately comes in_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Tell my servant that he's to come here at once and bring the +despatch-box which is in my dressing-room. + +SERVANT. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_Exit._ + +FOULDES. + +[_Quickly._] I say, what are you going to do? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That is absolutely no business of yours. + +FOULDES. + +Be a brick, Betsy, and don't give her those letters. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I think I've had enough of this business. I'm proposing to finish with +it. + +FOULDES. + +Temper, temper. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Stamping her foot._] Don't say temper to me, Paradine. + + [_She walks up and down angrily._ PARADINE + _sits at the piano and with one finger strums + "Rule Britannia."_ + +MERESTON. + +Shut up. + + [_He takes a book, flings it at his head and + misses._ + +FOULDES. + +Good shot, sir. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I often wonder how you got your reputation for wit, Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +By making a point of laughing heartily at other people's jokes. + + [_The_ FOOTMAN _enters with the despatch-box, + which_ LADY FREDERICK _opens. She takes + a bundle of letters from it._ + +FOULDES. + +Betsy, Betsy, for heaven's sake don't! Have mercy. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Was mercy shown to me? Albert! + +FOOTMAN. + +Yes, miladi. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You'll go to the proprietor of the hotel and tell him that I propose to +leave Monte Carlo to-morrow. + +MERESTON. + +[_Aghast._] Are you going? + +FOOTMAN. + +Very well, my lady. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Have you a good memory for faces? + +FOOTMAN. + +Yes, my lady. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're not likely to forget Lord Mereston? + +FOOTMAN. + +No, my lady. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then please take note that if his lordship calls upon me in London I'm +not at home. + +MERESTON. + +Lady Frederick! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_To_ FOOTMAN.] Go. + + [_Exit_ FOOTMAN. + +MERESTON. + +What d'you mean? What have I done? + + [_Without answering_ LADY FREDERICK _takes + the letters_. PARADINE _is watching her + anxiously. She goes up to the stove and + throws them in one by one._ + +LADY MERESTON. + +What on earth is she doing? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have some letters here which would ruin the happiness of a very +worthless woman I know. I'm burning them so that I may never have the +temptation to use them. + +FOULDES. + +I never saw anything so melodramatic. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Hold your tongue, Paradine. [_Turning to_ MERESTON.] My dear Charlie, I +came to Monte Carlo to be amused. Your mother has persecuted me +incessantly. Your uncle--is too well-bred to talk to his servants as he +has talked to me. I've been pestered in one way and another, and +insulted till my blood boiled, because apparently they're afraid you may +want to marry me. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm not used to treatment of +this sort; my patience is quite exhausted. And since you are the cause +of the whole thing I have an obvious remedy. I would much rather not +have anything more to do with you. If we meet one another in the street +you need not trouble to look my way because I shall cut you dead. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_In an undertone._] Thank God for that. + +MERESTON. + +Mother, mother. [_To_ LADY FREDERICK.] I'm awfully sorry. I feel that +you have a right to be angry. For all that you've suffered I beg your +pardon most humbly. My mother has said and done things which I regret to +say are quite unjustifiable. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Charlie! + +MERESTON. + +On her behalf and on mine I apologise with all my heart. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Smiling._] Don't take it too seriously. It really doesn't matter. But +I think it's far wiser that we shouldn't see one another again. + +MERESTON. + +But I can't live without you. + +LADY MERESTON. + +[_With a gasp._] Ah! + +MERESTON. + +Don't you know that my whole happiness is wrapped up in you? I love you +with all my heart and soul. I can never love any one but you. + +FOULDES. + +[_To_ LADY MERESTON.] Now you've done it. You've done it very neatly. + +MERESTON. + +Don't think me a presumptuous fool. I've been wanting to say this ever +since I knew you, but I haven't dared. You're brilliant and charming and +fascinating, but I have nothing whatever to offer you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Gently._] My dear Charlie. + +MERESTON. + +But if you can overlook my faults, I daresay you could make something of +me. Won't you marry me? I should look upon it as a great honour, and I +would love you always to the end of my life. I'd try to be worthy of my +great happiness and you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're very much too modest, Charlie. I'm enormously flattered and +grateful. You must give me time to think it over. + +LADY MERESTON. + +Time? + +MERESTON. + +But I can't wait. Don't you see how I love you? You'll never meet any +one who'll care for you as I do. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I think you can wait a little. Come and see me to-morrow morning at ten, +and I'll give you an answer. + +MERESTON. + +Very well, if I must. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Smiling._] I'm afraid so. + +FOULDES. + +[_To_ LADY FREDERICK.] I wonder what the deuce your little game is now. + + [_She smiles triumphantly and gives him a deep, + ironical curtsey._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Sir, your much obliged and very obedient, humble servant. + + +END OF THE SECOND ACT. + + + + +THIRD ACT + + + SCENE: LADY FREDERICK'S _dressing-room. At the back is a large + opening, curtained, which leads to the bedroom; on the right a door + leading to the passage; on the left a window. In front of the + window, of which the blind is drawn, is a dressing-table._ LADY + FREDERICK'S _maid is in the room, a very neat pretty Frenchwoman. + She speaks with a slight accent. She rings the bell, and the_ + FOOTMAN _enters_. + + +MAID. + +As soon as Lord Mereston arrives he is to be shown in. + +FOOTMAN. + +[_Surprised._] Here? + +MAID. + +Where else? + + [_The_ FOOTMAN _winks significantly. The_ MAID + _draws herself up with dignity, and with a + dramatic gesture points to the door_. + +MAID. + +Depart. + + [_The_ FOOTMAN _goes out_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_From the bedroom._] Have you drawn the blind, Angélique? + +MAID. + +I will do so, miladi. [_She draws the blind, and the light falls +brightly on the dressing-table._] But miladi will never be able to stand +it. [_She looks at herself in the glass._] Oh, the light of the sun in +the morning! I cannot look at myself. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_As before._] There's no reason that you should--especially in my +glass. + +MAID. + +But if 'is lordship is coming, miladi must let me draw the blind. Oh, it +is impossible. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Do as you're told and don't interfere. + + [_The_ FOOTMAN _enters to announce_ MERESTON. + _The_ MAID _goes out._ + +FOOTMAN. + +Lord Mereston. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_As before._] Is that you, Charlie? You're very punctual. + +MERESTON. + +I've been walking about outside till the clock struck. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm not nearly dressed, you know. I've only just had my bath. + +MERESTON. + +Must I go? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, of course not. You can talk to me while I'm finishing. + +MERESTON. + +All right. How are you this morning? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know. I haven't looked at myself in the glass yet. How are you? + +MERESTON. + +A 1, thanks. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Are you looking nice? + +MERESTON. + +[_Going to the glass._] I hope so. By Jove, what a strong light. You +must be pretty sure of your complexion to be able to stand that. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Appearing._] I am. + +MERESTON. + +[_Going forward eagerly._] Ah. + + [_She comes through the curtains. She wears a + kimono, her hair is all dishevelled, hanging + about her head in a tangled mop. She is + not made up and looks haggard and yellow + and lined. When_ MERESTON _sees her he + gives a slight start of surprise. She plays + the scene throughout with her broadest + brogue._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Good-morning. + +MERESTON. + +[_Staring at her in dismay._] Good-morning. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, what have you to say to me? + +MERESTON. + +[_Embarrassed._] I--er--hope you slept all right. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Did you? + +MERESTON. + +I forget. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I believe you slept like a top, Charlie. You really might have lain +awake and thought of me. What is the matter? You look as if you'd seen a +ghost. + +MERESTON. + +Oh no, not at all. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're not disappointed already? + +MERESTON. + +No, of course not. Only--you look so different with your hair not done. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a little cry._] Oh, I'd forgotten all about it. Angélique, come +and do my hair. + +MAID. + +[_Appearing._] Yes, miladi. + + [LADY FREDERICK _sits down at the dressing-table._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now, take pains, Angélique. I want to look my very best. Angélique is a +jewel of incalculable value. + +MAID. + +Miladi is very kind. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +If I'm light-hearted, she does it one way. If I'm depressed she does it +another. + +MAID. + +Oh, miladi, the perruquier who taught me said always that a good +hairdresser could express every mood and every passion of the human +heart. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Good heavens, you don't mean to say you can do all that? + +MAID. + +Miladi, he said I was his best pupil. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Very well. Express--express a great crisis in my affairs. + +MAID. + +That is the easiest thing in the world, miladi. I bring the hair rather +low on the forehead, and that expresses a crisis in her ladyship's +affairs. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But I always wear my hair low on the forehead. + +MAID. + +Then it is plain her ladyship's affairs are always in a critical +condition. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +So they are. I never thought of that. + +MERESTON. + +You've got awfully stunning hair, Lady Frederick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +D'you like it, really? + +MERESTON. + +The colour's perfectly beautiful. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It ought to be. It's frightfully expensive. + +MERESTON. + +You don't mean to say it's dyed? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, no. Only touched up. That's quite a different thing. + +MERESTON. + +Is it? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's like superstition, you know, which is what other people believe. My +friends dye their hair, but I only touch mine up. Unfortunately, it +costs just as much. + +MERESTON. + +And you have such a lot. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, heaps. [_She opens a drawer and takes out a long switch._] Give him +a bit to look at. + +MAID. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_She gives it to him._ + +MERESTON. + +Er--yes. [_Not knowing what on earth to say._] How silky it is. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +A poor thing, but mine own. At least, I paid for it. By the way, have I +paid for it yet, Angélique? + +MAID. + +Not yet, miladi. But the man can wait. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Taking it from_ MERESTON.] A poor thing, then, but my hairdresser's. +Shall I put it on? + +MERESTON. + +I wouldn't, if I were you. + +MAID. + +If her ladyship anticipates a tragic situation, I would venture to +recommend it. A really pathetic scene is impossible without a quantity +of hair worn quite high on the head. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, I know. Whenever I want to soften the hard heart of a creditor I +clap on every bit I've got. But I don't think I will to-day. I'll tell +you what, a temple curl would just fit the case. + +MAID. + +Then her ladyship inclines to comedy. Very well, I say no more. + + [LADY FREDERICK _takes two temple-curls from + the drawer._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Aren't they dears? + +MERESTON. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You've admired them very often, Charlie, haven't you? I suppose you +never knew they cost a guinea each? + +MERESTON. + +It never occurred to me they were false. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +The masculine intelligence is so gross. Didn't your mother tell you? + +MERESTON. + +My mother told me a great deal. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I expect she overdid it. There. Now that's done. D'you think it looks +nice? + +MERESTON. + +Charming. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Angélique, his lordship is satisfied. You may disappear. + +MAID. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_She goes._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now, tell me you think I'm the most ravishing creature you ever saw in +your life. + +MERESTON. + +I've told you that so often. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Stretching out her hands._] You are a nice boy. It was charming of you +to say--what you did yesterday. I could have hugged you there and then. + +MERESTON. + +Could you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my dear, don't be so cold. + +MERESTON. + +I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to be. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Haven't you got anything nice to say to me at all? + +MERESTON. + +I don't know what I can say that I've not said a thousand times +already. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Tell me what you thought of all night when you tossed on that sleepless +pillow of yours. + +MERESTON. + +I was awfully anxious to see you again. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Didn't you have a dreadful fear that I shouldn't be as nice as you +imagined? Now, come--honestly. + +MERESTON. + +Well, yes, I suppose it crossed my mind. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And am I? + +MERESTON. + +Of course. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're sure you're not disappointed? + +MERESTON. + +Quite sure. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What a relief! You know, I've been tormenting myself dreadfully. I said +to myself: "He'll go on thinking of me till he imagines I'm the most +beautiful woman in the world, and then, when he comes here and sees the +plain reality, it'll be an awful blow." + +MERESTON. + +What nonsense! How could you think anything of the kind? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Are you aware that you haven't shown the least desire to kiss me yet? + +MERESTON. + +I thought--I thought you might not like it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It'll be too late in a minute. + +MERESTON. + +Why? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Because I'm just going to make up, you silly boy. + +MERESTON. + +How? I don't understand. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You said I must be very sure of my complexion. Of course I am. Here it +is. + + [_She runs her fingers over a row of little pots + and vases._ + +MERESTON. + +Oh, I see. I beg your pardon. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You don't mean to say you thought it natural? + +MERESTON. + +It never occurred to me it might be anything else. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's really too disheartening. I spend an hour every day of my life +making the best complexion in Monte Carlo, and you think it's natural. +Why, I might as well be a dairymaid of eighteen. + +MERESTON. + +I'm very sorry. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I forgive you.... You may kiss my hand. [_He does so._] You dear boy. +[_Looking at herself in the glass._] Oh, Betsy, you're not looking your +best to-day. [_Shaking her finger at the glass._] This won't do, Betsy, +my dear. You're very nearly looking your age. [_Turning round quickly._] +D'you think I look forty? + +MERESTON. + +I never asked myself how old you were. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, I'm not, you know. And I shan't be as long as there's a pot of +rouge and a powder puff in the world. [_She rubs grease paint all over +her face._] + +MERESTON. + +What _are_ you doing? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I wish I were an actress. They have such an advantage. They only have to +make up to look well behind the footlights; but I have to expose myself +to that beastly sun. + +MERESTON. + +[_Nervously._] Yes, of course. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Is your mother dreadfully annoyed with you? And Paradine must be +furious. I shall call him Uncle Paradine next time I see him. It'll make +him feel so middle-aged. Charlie, you don't know how grateful I am for +what you did yesterday. You acted like a real brick. + +MERESTON. + +It's awfully good of you to say so. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Turning._] Do I look a fright? + +MERESTON. + +Oh, no, not at all. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I love this powder. It plays no tricks with you. Once I put on a new +powder that I bought in Paris, and as soon as I went into artificial +light it turned a bright mauve. I was very much annoyed. You wouldn't +like to go about with a mauve face, would you? + +MERESTON. + +No, not at all. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Fortunately I had a green frock on. And mauve and green were very +fashionable that year. Still I'd sooner it hadn't been on my face.... +There. I think that'll do as a foundation. I'm beginning to feel younger +already. Now for the delicate soft bloom of youth. The great difficulty, +you know, is to make both your cheeks the same colour. [_Turning to +him._] Charlie, you're not bored, are you? + +MERESTON. + +No, no. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I always think my observations have a peculiar piquancy when I have only +one cheek rouged. I remember once I went out to dinner, and as soon as I +sat down I grew conscious of the fact that one of my cheeks was much +redder than the other. + +MERESTON. + +By George, that was awkward. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Charlie, you are a good-looking boy. I had no idea you were so handsome. +And you look so young and fresh, it's quite a pleasure to look at you. + +MERESTON. + +[_Laughing awkwardly._] D'you think so? What did you do when you +discovered your predicament? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, by a merciful interposition of Providence, I had a foreign +diplomatist on my right side which bloomed like a rose, and a bishop on +my left which was white like the lily. The diplomatist told me risky +stories all through dinner so it was quite natural that this cheek +should blush fiery red. And as the Bishop whispered in my left ear +harrowing details of distress in the East End, it was only decent that +the other should exhibit a becoming pallor. [_Meanwhile she has been +rouging her cheeks._] Now look carefully, Charlie, and you'll see how I +make the Cupid's bow which is my mouth. I like a nice healthy colour on +the lips, don't you? + +MERESTON. + +Isn't it awfully uncomfortable to have all that stuff on? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, my dear boy, it's woman's lot to suffer in this world. But it's a +great comfort to think that one is submitting to the decrees of +Providence and at the same time adding to one's personal attractiveness. +But I confess I sometimes wish I needn't blow my nose so carefully. +Smile, Charlie. I don't think you're a very ardent lover, you know. + +MERESTON. + +I'm sorry. What would you like me to do? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I should like you to make me impassioned speeches. + +MERESTON. + +I'm afraid they'd be so hackneyed. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Never mind that. I've long discovered that under the influence of +profound emotion a man always expresses himself in the terms of the +_Family Herald_. + +MERESTON. + +You must remember that I'm awfully inexperienced. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, I'll let you off this time--because I like your curly hair. [_She +sighs amorously._] Now for the delicate arch of my eyebrows. I don't +know what I should do without this. I've got no eyebrows at all +really.... Have you ever noticed that dark line under the eyes which +gives such intensity to my expression? + +MERESTON. + +Yes, often. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Holding out the pencil._] Well, here it is. Ah, my dear boy, in this +pencil you have at will roguishness and languor, tenderness and +indifference, sprightliness, passion, malice, what you will. Now be +very quiet for one moment. If I overdo it my whole day will be spoilt. +You mustn't breathe even. Whenever I do this I think how true those +lines are: + + "The little more and how much it is. + The little less and what worlds away." + +There! Now just one puff of powder, and the whole world's kind. +[_Looking at herself in the glass and sighing with satisfaction._] Ah! I +feel eighteen. I think it's a success, and I shall have a happy day. Oh, +Betsy, Betsy, I think you'll do. You know, you're not unattractive, my +dear. Not strictly beautiful, perhaps; but then I don't like the +chocolate-box sort of woman. I'll just go and take off this +dressing-gown. [MERESTON _gets up._] No, don't move. I'll go into my +bedroom. I shall only be one moment. [LADY FREDERICK _goes through the +curtains._] Angélique. + + [_The_ MAID _enters._ + +MAID. + +Yes, miladi. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Just clear away those things on the dressing-table. + +MAID. + +[_Doing so._] Very well, miladi. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You may have a cigarette, Charlie. + +MERESTON. + +Thanks. My nerves are a bit dicky this morning. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, blow the thing! Angélique, come and help me. + +MAID. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_She goes out._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +At last. + + [_She comes in, having changed the kimono for + a very beautiful dressing-gown of silk and + lace._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now, are you pleased? + +MERESTON. + +Of course I'm pleased. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then you may make love to me. + +MERESTON. + +You say such disconcerting things. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] Well, Charlie, you've found no difficulty in doing it for +the last fortnight. You're not going to pretend that you're already at a +loss for pretty speeches? + +MERESTON. + +When I came here, I had a thousand things to say to you, but you've +driven them all out of my head. Won't you give me an answer now? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What to? + +MERESTON. + +You've not forgotten that I asked you to marry me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, but you asked me under very peculiar circumstances. I wonder if you +can repeat the offer now in cold blood? + +MERESTON. + +Of course. What a cad you must think me! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Are you sure you want to marry me still--after having slept over it? + +MERESTON. + +Yes. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You are a good boy, and I'm a beast to treat you so abominably. It's +awfully nice of you. + +MERESTON. + +Well, what is the answer? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear, I've been giving it you for the last half-hour. + +MERESTON. + +How? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You don't for a moment suppose I should have let you into those horrible +mysteries of my toilette if I'd had any intention of marrying you? Give +me credit for a certain amount of intelligence and good feeling. I +should have kept up the illusion, at all events till after the +honeymoon. + +MERESTON. + +Are you going to refuse me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Aren't you rather glad? + +MERESTON. + +No, no, no. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Putting her arm through his._] Now let us talk it over sensibly. +You're a very nice boy, and I'm awfully fond of you. But you're +twenty-two, and heaven only knows my age. You see, the church in which I +was baptized was burnt down the year I was born, so I don't know how old +I am. + +MERESTON. + +[_Smiling._] Where was it burnt? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +In Ireland. + +MERESTON. + +I thought so. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Just at present I can make a decent enough show by taking infinite +pains; and my hand is not so heavy that the innocent eyes of your sex +can discover how much of me is due to art. But in ten years you'll only +be thirty-two, and then, if I married you, my whole life would be a +mortal struggle to preserve some semblance of youth. Haven't you seen +those old hags who've never surrendered to Anno Domini, with their poor, +thin, wrinkled cheeks covered with paint, and the dreadful wigs that +hide a hairless pate? Rather cock-eyed, don't you know, and invariably +flaxen. You've laughed at their ridiculous graces, and you've been +disgusted too. Oh, I'm so sorry for them, poor things. And I should +become just like that, for I should never have the courage to let my +hair be white so long as yours was brown. But if I don't marry you, I +can look forward to the white hairs fairly happily. The first I shall +pluck out, and the second I shall pluck out. But when the third comes +I'll give in, and I'll throw my rouge and my poudre de riz and my +pencils into the fire. + +MERESTON. + +But d'you think I should ever change? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear boy, I'm sure of it. Can't you imagine what it would be to be +tied to a woman who was always bound to sit with her back to the light? +And sometimes you might want to kiss me. + +MERESTON. + +I think it very probable. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, you couldn't--in case you disarranged my complexion. [MERESTON +_sighs deeply._] Don't sigh, Charlie. I daresay I was horrid to let you +fall in love with me, but I'm only human, and I was desperately +flattered. + +MERESTON. + +Was that all? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And rather touched. That is why I want to give a cure with my refusal. + +MERESTON. + +But you break my heart. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear, men have said that to me ever since I was fifteen, but I've +never noticed that in consequence they ate their dinner less heartily. + +MERESTON. + +I suppose you think it was only calf-love? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm not such a fool as to imagine a boy can love any less than a man. If +I'd thought your affection ridiculous I shouldn't have been so +flattered. + +MERESTON. + +It doesn't hurt any the less because the wounds you make are clean cut. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But they'll soon heal. And you'll fall in love with a nice girl of your +own age, whose cheeks flush with youth and not with rouge, and whose +eyes sparkle because they love you, and not because they're carefully +made up. + +MERESTON. + +But I wanted to help you. You're in such an awful scrape, and if you'll +only marry me it can all be set right. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my dear, don't go in for self-sacrifice. You must leave that to +women. They're so much more used to it. + +MERESTON. + +Isn't there anything I can do for you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, dear. I shall get out of the mess somehow. I always do. You really +need not worry about me. + +MERESTON. + +You know, you _are_ a brick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then it's all settled, isn't it? And you're not going to be unhappy? + +MERESTON. + +I'll try not to be. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'd like to imprint a chaste kiss on your forehead, only I'm afraid it +would leave a mark. + + [_The_ FOOTMAN _comes in and announces_ PARADINE + FOULDES. + +FOOTMAN. + +Mr. Paradine Fouldes. + + [_Exit._ + +FOULDES. + +Do I disturb? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not at all. We've just finished our conversation. + +FOULDES. + +Well? + +MERESTON. + +If any one wants to know who the best woman in the world is send 'em to +me, and I'll tell them. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Taking his hand._] You dear! Good-bye. + +MERESTON. + +Good-bye. And thanks for being so kind to me. + + [_He goes out._ + +FOULDES. + +Do I see in front of me my prospective niece? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why d'you ask, Uncle Paradine? + +FOULDES. + +Singularly enough because I want to know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Well, it so happens--you don't. + +FOULDES. + +You've refused him? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I have. + +FOULDES. + +Then will you tell me why you've been leading us all such a devil of a +dance? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Because you interfered with me, and I allow no one to do that. + +FOULDES. + +Hoity-toity. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You weren't really so foolish as to imagine I should marry a boy who set +me up on a pedestal and vowed he was unworthy to kiss the hem of my +garment? + +FOULDES. + +Why not? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear Paradine, I don't want to commit suicide by sheer boredom. +There's only one thing in the world more insufferable than being in +love. + +FOULDES. + +And what is that, pray? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why, having some one in love with you. + +FOULDES. + +I've suffered from it all my life. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Think of living up to the ideal Charlie has of me. My hair would turn a +hydrogen yellow in a week. And then to be so desperately adored as all +that--oh, it's so dull! I should have to wear a mask all day long. I +could never venture to be natural in case I shocked him. And +notwithstanding all my efforts I should see the illusions tumbling about +his ears one by one till he realised I was no ethereal goddess, but a +very ordinary human woman neither better nor worse than anybody else. + +FOULDES. + +Your maxim appears to be, marry any one you like except the man that's +in love with you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Ah, but don't you think I might find a man who loved me though he knew +me through and through? I'd far rather that he saw my faults and forgave +them than that he thought me perfect. + +FOULDES. + +But how d'you know you've choked the boy off for good? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I took good care. I wanted to cure him. If it had been possible I would +have shown him my naked soul. But I couldn't do that, so I let him +see.... + +FOULDES. + +[_Interrupting._] What! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Laughing._] No, not quite. I had a dressing-gown on and other +paraphernalia. But I made him come here when I wasn't made up, and he +sat by while I rouged my cheeks. + +FOULDES. + +And the young fool thought there was nothing more in you than a +carefully prepared complexion? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +He was very nice about it. But I think he was rather relieved when I +refused him. + +[_There is a knock at the door._] + +GERALD. + +[_Outside._] May we come in? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes do. + +_Enter_ GERALD _and_ ROSE _and the_ ADMIRAL. + +GERALD. + +[_Excitedly._] I say, it's all right. The Admiral's come down like a +real brick. I've told him everything. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What do you mean? Good-morning, dear Admiral. + +ADMIRAL. + +Good-morning. + +GERALD. + +I've made a clean breast of it. I talked it over with Rosie. + +ROSE. + +And we went to papa together. + +GERALD. + +And told him that I owed Montgomerie nine hundred pounds. + +ROSE. + +And we thought papa would make an awful scene. + +GERALD. + +Raise Cain, don't you know. + +ROSE. + +But he never said a word. + +GERALD. + +He was simply ripping over it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Putting her hands to her ears._] Oh, oh, oh. For heaven's sake be calm +and coherent. + +GERALD. + +My dear, you don't know what a relief it is. + +ROSE. + +I saw Gerald was dreadfully worried, and I wormed it out of him. + +GERALD. + +I'm so glad to be out of the clutches of that brute. + +ROSE. + +Now we're going to live happily ever afterwards. + +[_All the while the_ ADMIRAL _has been trying to get a word in, but each +time he is about to start one of the others has broken in._ + +ADMIRAL. + +Silence. [_He puffs and blows._] I never saw such a pair in my life. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Now do explain it all, Admiral. I can't make head or tail out of these +foolish creatures. + +ADMIRAL. + +Well, they came and told me that Montgomerie had an I.O.U. of Gerald's +for nine hundred pounds and was using it to blackmail you. + +FOULDES. + +Is that a fact? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Yes. + +ADMIRAL. + +I never liked the man's face. And when they said his terms were that you +were to marry him or Gerald would have to send in his papers, I said ... + +FOULDES. + +Damn his impudence. + +ADMIRAL. + +How did you know? + +FOULDES. + +Because I'd have said it myself. + +GERALD. + +And the Admiral stumped up like a man. He gave me a cheque for the +money, and I've just this moment sent it on to Montgomerie. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Taking both his hands._] It's awfully good of you, and I'm sure you'll +never regret that you gave Gerald a chance. + +ADMIRAL. + +May I have a few words' private conversation with you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Of course. [_To the others._] Make yourselves scarce. + +FOULDES. + +We'll go on the balcony, shall we? + +ADMIRAL. + +I'm sorry to trouble you, but it'll only take three minutes. + +[GERALD _and_ ROSE _and_ FOULDES _go on to the balcony_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_When they've gone._] There. + +ADMIRAL. + +Well, what I wanted to say to you was this: I like Gerald, but I think +he wants guiding. D'you follow me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm sure he will take your advice always. + +ADMIRAL. + +It's a woman's hand that he wants. Now if you and I were to join forces +we could keep him out of mischief, couldn't we? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, I'll come and stay with you whenever you ask me. I love giving good +advice when I'm quite sure it won't be taken. + +ADMIRAL. + +I was thinking of a more permanent arrangement. Look here, why don't you +marry me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear Admiral! + +ADMIRAL. + +I don't think an attractive woman like you ought to live alone. She's +bound to get in a scrape. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's awfully good of you, but.... + +ADMIRAL. + +You don't think I'm too old, do you? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Of course not. You're in the very prime of life. + +ADMIRAL. + +There's life in the old dog yet, I can tell you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I feel sure of that. I never doubted it for a moment. + +ADMIRAL. + +Then what have you got against me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You wouldn't like to commit polygamy, would you? + +ADMIRAL. + +Eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You see, it's not a question of marrying me only, but all my +tradespeople. + +ADMIRAL. + +I hadn't thought of that. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Besides, you're Rose's father, and I'm Gerald's sister. If we married I +should be my brother's mother-in-law, and my step-daughter would be my +sister. Your daughter would be your sister-in-law, and your brother +would just snap his fingers at your fatherly advice. + +ADMIRAL. + +[Confused.] Eh? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know if the prayer-book allows things like that, but if it does +I think it's hopelessly immoral. + +ADMIRAL. + +Well, shall I tell them I've changed my mind and they can't marry? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Then there'd be no reason for us to--commit the crime, would there? + +ADMIRAL. + +I hadn't thought of that. I suppose not. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +You're not cross with me, are you? I'm very much flattered, and I thank +you from the bottom of my heart. + +ADMIRAL. + +Not at all, not at all. I only thought it might save trouble. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Calling._] Gerald. Come along. [_They come in._] We've had our little +talk. + +GERALD. + +Everything satisfactory? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_With a look at the_ ADMIRAL.] Quite. + +ADMIRAL. + +[_Gruffly._] Quite. + +LADY FREDERICK'S FOOTMAN _enters._ + +FOOTMAN. + +Captain Montgomerie wishes to know if he may see your ladyship. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'd forgotten all about him. + +GERALD. + +Let me go to him, shall I? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, I'm not afraid of him any longer. He can't do anything to you. And +as far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter. + +GERALD. + +Then I'll tell him to go to the devil. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +No, I'm going to tell him that myself. [_To the_ FOOTMAN.] Ask Captain +Montgomerie to come here. + +FOOTMAN. + +Yes, miladi. + + [_Exit._ + +Lady Frederick. + +[_Walking up and down furiously._] I'm going to tell him that myself. + +FOULDES. + +Now keep calm, Betsy. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Very deliberately._] I shall not keep calm. + +FOULDES. + +Remember that you're a perfect lady. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Don't interfere with me. I ate humble pie yesterday, and it didn't agree +with me at all. + +[FOOTMAN _enters to announce_ CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE, _who follows him, and +immediately withdraws._ + +FOOTMAN. + +Captain Montgomerie. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +How d'you do. + +[_He is obviously surprised to see the others._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Pleasantly._] Quite a party, aren't we? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Yes. [_A pause._] I hope you don't mind my coming so early? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Not at all. You made an appointment for half-past ten. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I trust you have good news for me. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Captain Montgomerie, every one here knows the circumstances that have +brought you. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I should have thought it wiser for both our sakes not to make them too +public. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Very amiably._] I don't see why you should be ashamed because you made +me a proposal of marriage? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I'm sorry you should think it a laughing matter, Lady Frederick. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't. I never laugh at an impertinence. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Taken aback._] I beg your pardon. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Surely the receipt of my brother's letter was sufficient answer for you. +After that you must have guessed there was no likelihood that I should +change my mind. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +What letter? I don't understand. + +GERALD. + +I sent you a note this morning enclosing a cheque for the money I lost +to you. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I've not received it. + +GERALD. + +It must be waiting for you at the hotel. + + [CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE _pauses and looks meditatively + at the assembled company_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I think there's nothing for which I need detain you longer. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Smiling._] I don't think I've quite finished yet. Has it slipped your +memory that the two bills fall due to-day? Allow me to present them. + + [_He takes them out of his pocket-book._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I'm very sorry I can't pay them--at present. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I regret that I can't wait. You must pay them. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I tell you it's impossible. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Then I shall get an order against you. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +That you may do to your heart's content. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +You realise the consequences. It's not very nice to be an undischarged +bankrupt. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Much nicer than to marry a rascally money-lender. + +FOULDES. + +May I look at these interesting documents? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Certainly. [_Blandly._] I haven't the least wish to be offensive. + +FOULDES. + +[_Taking them._] You fail lamentably in achieving your wish. Three +thousand five hundred pounds in all. It seems hardly worth while to make +a fuss about so small a sum. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +I'm in urgent need of money. + +FOULDES. + +[_Ironically._] So rich a man as you? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Even a rich man may be temporarily embarrassed. + +FOULDES. + +Then be so good as to wait for one moment. [_He sits down at a table and +writes a cheque._] No sight is more affecting than that of a +millionaire in financial straits. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Paradine! + +FOULDES. + +[_Handing the cheque._] Now, sir, I think that settles it. Will you +exchange my cheque for those bills? + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +Damn you, I forgot you. + +FOULDES. + +You may not be aware that it's unusual to swear in the presence of +ladies. + +CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE. + +[_Looking at the cheque._] I suppose it's all right. + + [PARADINE _goes to the door and opens it_. + +FOULDES. + +There is the window, and here is the door. Which will you choose? + + [CAPTAIN MONTGOMERIE _looks at him without + answering, shrugs his shoulders and goes + out_. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, Paradine, you are a brick. + +GERALD. + +I say it's awfully good of you. + +FOULDES. + +Nonsense. I've got a strong sense of effect, and I always cultivate the +dramatic situation. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I shall never be able to pay you back, Paradine. + +FOULDES. + +My dear, I'm not entirely devoid of intelligence. + +ADMIRAL. + +Well, well, I must be off to take my constitutional. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +And Rose and Gerald must take care of you. We shall all meet at +luncheon. + +ADMIRAL. + +Yes, yes. + +[_The_ ADMIRAL, ROSE _and_ GERALD _go out._ LADY FREDERICK _goes up to_ +PARADINE _and takes his hands._ + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Thanks awfully. You are a good friend. + +FOULDES. + +By George, how your eyes glitter! + +LADY FREDERICK. + +It's only belladonna, you know. + +FOULDES. + +I'm not such a fool as my nephew, my dear. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Why did you do it? + +FOULDES. + +D'you know what gratitude is? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Thanks for past favours and a lively sense of benefits to come. + +FOULDES. + +Well, yesterday you had my sister in the hollow of your hand. She gave +you great provocation, and you burnt those confounded letters. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +My dear Paradine, I can't get over my own magnanimity. And what are the +benefits to come? + +FOULDES. + +Well it might be five per cent. on the capital. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I don't know why you should squeeze my hands all the time. + +FOULDES. + +But it isn't. Look here, don't you get awfully tired of racketting +about? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, my dear friend, I'm sick to death of it. I've got half a mind to +retire from the world and bury myself in a hermitage. + +FOULDES. + +So have I, and I've bought the lease of a little house in Norfolk +Street, Park Lane. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Just the place for a hermitage--fashionable without being vulgar. + +FOULDES. + +And I propose to live there quite quietly, and I shall just subsist on a +few dried herbs, don't you know. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +But do have them cooked by a really good French chef; it makes such a +difference. + +FOULDES. + +And what d'you say to joining me? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I? + +FOULDES. + +You. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, I _am_ a success to-day. That's another proposal of marriage. + +FOULDES. + +It sounds very much like it. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +I've already had three this morning. + +FOULDES. + +Then I should think you've said "no" quite often enough. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Come at ten o'clock to-morrow, and you shall see me make up. + +FOULDES. + +D'you think that would choke me off? D'you suppose I don't know that +behind that very artificial complexion there's a dear little woman +called Betsy who's genuine to the bottom of her soul? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +Oh, don't be so sentimental or I shall cry. + +FOULDES. + +Well, what is it to be? + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Her voice breaking._] D'you like me still, Paradine, after all these +years? + +FOULDES. + +Yes. [_She looks at him, her lips quivering. He stretches out his arms, +and she, breaking down, hides her face on his shoulder._] Now don't be +an ass, Betsy.... I know you'll say in a minute I'm the only man you +ever loved. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Looking up with a laugh._] I shan't.... But what will your sister +say? + +FOULDES. + +I'll tell her there was only one way in which I could save Charlie from +your clutches. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +What? + +FOULDES. + +By marrying you myself. + +LADY FREDERICK. + +[_Putting up her face._] Monster. + +[_He kisses her lips._] + + +THE END. + + * * * * * + + + + +_THE EXPLORER_ + + +_BY THE SAME AUTHOR_ + +(_Uniform with this Volume_) + +_PLAYS_: + + _A MAN OF HONOUR_ + _LADY FREDERICK_ + _JACK STRAW_ + _MRS. DOT_ + _PENELOPE_ + + (_In Preparation_) + + _SMITH_ + _THE TENTH MAN_ + _GRACE_ + _LOAVES AND FISHES_ + +_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ + + + + +_THE EXPLORER + +A MELODRAMA + +In Four Acts + +By W. S. MAUGHAM + +LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN + +MCMXII_ + +_All rights reserved_ + +This play was first produced at the Lyric Theatre on Saturday, June 13, +1908, with the following cast: + + ALEXANDER MACKENZIE LEWIS WALLER + RICHARD LOMAS A. E. GEORGE + DR. ADAMSON CHARLES ROCK + SIR ROBERT BOULGER, BT. OWEN ROUGHWOOD + GEORGE ALLERTON SHIEL BARRY + REV. JAMES CARBERY S. J. WARMINGTON + CAPTAIN MALLINS A. CATON WOODVILLE + MILLER CHARLES CECIL + CHARLES P. DIGAN + MRS. CROWLEY EVA MOORE + LADY KELSEY MARY RORKE + LUCY ALLERTON EVELYN MILLARD + + + + +_THE EXPLORER + +CHARACTERS_ + + + ALEXANDER MACKENZIE + RICHARD LOMAS + DR. ADAMSON + SIR ROBERT BOULGER, BT. + GEORGE ALLERTON + THE REV. JAMES CARBERY + CAPTAIN MALLINS + MILLER + CHARLES + LADY KELSEY + MRS. CROWLEY + LUCY ALLERTON + +TIME: _The Present Day._ + +SCENE: _The First and Third Acts take place at Lady Kelsey's house; the +Second at Mackenzie's camp in Central Africa; and the Fourth at the +house of Richard Lomas._ + +_The Performing Rights of this play are fully protected, and permission +to perform it, whether by Amateurs or Professionals, must be obtained in +advance from the author's Sole Agent, R. Golding Bright, 20 Green +Street, Leicester Square, London, W.C., from whom all particulars can be +obtained._ + + + + +THE EXPLORER + + + + +THE FIRST ACT + + + SCENE: LADY KELSEY'S _drawing-room in Mayfair. At the back is a + window leading on to a balcony. On the right a door leads to the + staircase, and on the left is another door. It is the sumptuous + room of a rich woman._ + + [LADY KELSEY _is seated, dressed in black; she is a woman of fifty, + kind, emotional, and agitated. She is drying her eyes._ MRS. + CROWLEY, _a pretty little woman of twenty-eight, very beautifully + dressed, vivacious and gesticulative, is watching her quietly. The_ + REV. JAMES CARBERY, _a young curate, tall and impressive in + appearance, ponderous and self-important, is very immaculate in a + silk waistcoat and a large gold cross._ + + +CARBERY. + +I cannot tell you how sincerely I feel for you in this affliction, Lady +Kelsey. + +LADY KELSEY. + +You're very kind. Every one has been very kind. But I shall never get +over it. I shall never hold up my head again. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Nonsense! You talk as if the whole thing weren't perfectly monstrous. +Surely you don't for a moment suppose that your brother-in-law won't be +able to explain everything away? + +LADY KELSEY. + +God forbid! But still, it's dreadful to think that at this very moment +my poor sister's husband is standing in the felon's dock. + +CARBERY. + +Dreadful, dreadful! + +LADY KELSEY. + +If you only knew the agonies I've suffered since Fred was arrested! At +first I couldn't believe it, I wouldn't believe it. If I'd only known +such a thing was possible, I'd have done anything to help him. + +CARBERY. + +But had you any idea he was in difficulties? + +LADY KELSEY. + +He came to me and said he must have three thousand pounds at once. But +I'd given him money so often since my poor sister died, and every one +said I oughtn't to give him any more. After all, someone must look after +his children, and if I don't hoard my money a little, George and Lucy +will be penniless. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, you were quite right to refuse. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I thought it would only go in senseless extravagances as all the rest +has gone, and when he said it was a matter of life and death, I couldn't +believe it. He'd said that so often. + +CARBERY. + +It's shocking to think a man of his position and abilities should have +come to such a pass. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Dear Mr. Carbery, don't draw the very obvious moral. We're all quite +wretched enough as it is. + +LADY KELSEY. + +And two days later Lucy came to me with a white face to say that he had +been arrested for forging a cheque. + +CARBERY. + +I only met him once, and I'm bound to say I thought him a most charming +man. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Ah, that's what ruined him. He was always so entirely delightful. He +could never say no to any one. But there's not an atom of harm in him. +I'm quite certain he's never done anything criminal; he may have been +foolish, but wicked never. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Of course he'll be able to clear himself. There's not the least doubt +about that. + +LADY KELSEY. + +But think of the disgrace of it. A public trial. And Fred Allerton of +all people! The Allertons were always so proud of their family. It was +almost a mania with them. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +For centuries they've cherished the firm belief that there was no one in +the county fit to black their boots. + +CARBERY. + +Pride goeth before a fall. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Smiling._] And proverbs before a clergyman. + +LADY KELSEY. + +They wouldn't give him bail, so he's remained in prison till now. Of +course, I made Lucy and George come here. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You've been quite charming, Lady Kelsey, as every one knew you'd be. But +don't think of these wretched weeks of suspense. Think only that Mr. +Allerton has got his chance at last. Why, the trial may be over now, and +he may this very minute be on his way to this house. + +CARBERY. + +What will he do when it's over? The position will be surely a little +unpleasant. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I've talked it over with Lucy, and--I've made it possible for them all +to go abroad. They'll need rest and quiet. Poor things, poor things! + +CARBERY. + +I suppose Miss Allerton and George are at the Old Bailey. + +LADY KELSEY. + +No, their father begged them to stay away. They've been in all day, +waiting for the papers. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But who is going to bring you the news? Surely you're not going to wait +for the papers? + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, no, Dick Lomas is coming. He's one of the witnesses for Fred, and my +nephew Bobby Boulger. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +And what about Mr. Mackenzie? He told me he would be there. + +CARBERY. + +Is that the great traveller? I thought I saw in the paper that he'd +already started for Africa. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Not yet. He's going at the beginning of the month. Oh, he's been so good +to us during this time. All our friends have been good to us. + +CARBERY. + +I shouldn't have thought there was much of the milk of human kindness to +overflow in Alexander Mackenzie. By all accounts he dealt with the +slave-traders in Africa with a good deal of vigour. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +The slave-traders must be quaking in their shoes if they know he's +starting out again, for he's made up his mind to exterminate them, and +when Alec Mackenzie makes up his mind to do a thing, he appears to do +it. + +LADY KELSEY. + +He has the reputation of a hard man, but no one could be more delightful +than he has been to me. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I don't think I like him, but he's certainly a strong man, and in +England just now every one's so weak and floppy, it's rather a relief to +come across somebody who's got a will of iron and nerves of steel. + + [GEORGE ALLERTON _comes in_. _He is a very + young man, good-looking, though at the + moment pale and haggard, with a rather + weak face._ + +GEORGE. + +I thought Lucy was here. [_To_ CARBERY _and_ MRS. CROWLEY.] How d'you +do? Have you seen Lucy? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I went to her room for a moment. + +GEORGE. + +What is she doing? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Reading. + +GEORGE. + +I wish I could take it as calmly as she does. An outsider would think +there was nothing the matter at all. Oh, it's too awful! + +LADY KELSEY. + +My dear, you must bear up. We must all hope for the best. + +GEORGE. + +But there is no best. Whatever happens, it means disgrace and dishonour. +How could he? How could he? + +LADY KELSEY. + +No one knows your father as I do, George. I'm sure he's never been +anything but thoughtless and foolish. + +GEORGE. + +Of course he's not been actually criminal. That's absurd. But it's bad +enough as it is. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You mustn't take it too much to heart. In another half-hour at the +utmost your father will be here with everything cleared up, and you'll +be able to go back to Oxford with a clear conscience. + +GEORGE. + +D'you think I can go to Oxford again when my father has been tried for +forgery? No, no! No, no! I'd rather shoot myself. + +LADY KELSEY. + +My poor boy.... Where have you been all day? + +GEORGE. + +Heaven knows! I've walked through the streets till I'm dog-tired. Oh, +the suspense is too awful. My feet carried me to the Old Bailey, and I +would have given anything to go in and see how things were going, but +I'd promised the Pater I wouldn't. + +LADY KELSEY. + +How did he look this morning? + +GEORGE. + +He was most awfully worn and ill. I don't believe he'll ever get over +it. I saw his counsel before the case began. They told me it was bound +to come all right. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Is there anything in the evening papers? + +GEORGE. + +I haven't dared to look. The placards are awful. + +CARBERY. + +Why, what do they say? + +GEORGE. + +Can't you imagine? "Gentleman charged with forgery." "County gentleman +at the Old Bailey." And all the rest of it. Damn them! Damn them! + +LADY KELSEY. + +It may be all over by now. + +GEORGE. + +I feel that I shall never sleep again. I couldn't close my eyes last +night. To think that one's own father.... + +LADY KELSEY. + +For goodness' sake be quiet. + +GEORGE. + +[_Starting._] There's a ring at the bell. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I've given orders that no one is to be admitted but Dick Lomas and +Bobbie. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It must be finished by now. It's one or the other of them come to tell +you the result. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, I'm so frightfully anxious. + +GEORGE. + +Aunt, you don't think.... + +LADY KELSEY. + +No, no, of course not. They _must_ find him not guilty. + + [_The_ BUTLER _enters followed by_ DICK LOMAS, + _a clean-shaven dapper man, with a sharp + face and good-natured smile. He is between + thirty-five and forty, but slim and youthful. + With him comes_ SIR ROBERT BOULGER, + LADY KELSEY'S _nephew, a good-looking, + spruce youth of twenty-two_. + +BUTLER. + +Mr. Lomas, Sir Robert Boulger. + +GEORGE. + +[_Excitedly._] Well, well? For God's sake tell us quickly. + +DICK. + +My dear people, I have nothing to tell. + +GEORGE. + +Oh! + + [_He staggers with sudden faintness and falls + to the floor._ + +DICK. + +Hulloa! What's this? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Poor boy! + + [_They crowd round him._ + +GEORGE. + +It's all right. What a fool I am! I was so strung up. + +DICK. + +You'd better come to the window. + + [_He and_ BOULGER _take the boy's arms and lead + him to the window_. GEORGE _leans against + the balcony_. + +CARBERY. + +I'm afraid I must go away. Every Wednesday at four I read _Little Lord +Fauntleroy_ to forty charwomen. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Good-bye. And thanks so much for coming. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Shaking hands with him._] Good-bye. A clergyman always helps one so +much to bear other people's misfortunes. + + [CARBERY _goes out, and in a moment_ ROBERT + BOULGER _comes back into the room_. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Is he better? + +BOULGER. + +Oh, much. He'll be all right in a minute. [LADY KELSEY _goes to the +window, and he turns to_ MRS. CROWLEY.] You are a brick to come here +to-day, when they're all in such awful trouble. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_With a little hesitation._] Did you really come away before the trial +was ended? + +BOULGER. + +Why, of course. What did you think? You don't imagine they'll convict +him? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It's too dreadful. + +BOULGER. + +Where is Lucy? I was hoping to get a glimpse of her. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I wouldn't trouble her to-day if I were you. I think she most wants to +be left alone. + +BOULGER. + +I wanted to tell her that if I could do anything at all, she had only to +command. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I think she knows that. But I'll give her the message if you like.... +You're very devoted. + +BOULGER. + +I've been madly in love with her ever since I was ten. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Take care then. There's nothing so tedious as the constant lover. + + [DICK _comes into the room and speaks to_ + ROBERT BOULGER. + +DICK. + +George is quite well now. He wants you to smoke a cigarette with him. + +BOULGER. + +Certainly. + + [_He goes on to the balcony._ + +DICK. + +[_When_ BOULGER _is gone_.] At least, he will the moment he sees you. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What do you mean by that? + +DICK. + +Merely that I wanted to talk to you. And Robert Boulger, being a youth +of somewhat limited intelligence, seemed in the way. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Why did you leave the Old Bailey? + +DICK. + +My dear lady, I couldn't stand it. You don't know what it is to sit +there and watch a man tortured, a man you've known all your life, whom +you've dined with times out of number, in whose house you've stayed. He +had just the look of a hunted beast, and his face was grey with terror. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +How was the case going? + +DICK. + +I couldn't judge. I could only see those haggard, despairing eyes. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But you're a barrister. You must have heard his answers. What did he +reply to all the questions? + +DICK. + +He seemed quite dazed. I don't think he took in the gist of his +cross-examination. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But the man's innocent. + +DICK. + +Yes, we all hope that. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What d'you mean? There can be no doubt about that. When he was arrested +Lucy went to him and begged him to tell her the exact truth. He swore +that he wasn't guilty. + +DICK. + +Poor Lucy! She's borne up wonderfully. She'll stick to her father +through thick and thin. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Abruptly._] Mr. Lomas, you're trying to put me off. It's not fair to +let Lucy buoy herself up with false hopes. She's absolutely convinced +that her father will be acquitted. + +DICK. + +Well, in another half-hour we shall all know. When I left, the judge was +just going to sum up. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Mr. Lomas, what is your opinion? + + [_He looks at her steadily for a moment._ + +DICK. + +Were you very much surprised when you heard Fred Allerton was arrested? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Good heavens, I was overwhelmed! + +DICK. + +[_Dryly._] Ah! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +If you aggravate me I shall box your ears. + +DICK. + +When first I knew Fred he was a very rich man. You know that the +Allertons are one of the oldest families in Cheshire? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Yes. I think Lucy's only failing is an inordinate pride in her family. +She thinks it very snobbish to have any particular respect for a peer of +the realm, but only natural to look up to persons of good family. + +DICK. + +Ah, you see, you and I who have a quite indecent lack of ancestors, +can't realise what the cult of family may be. There are families in the +remote parts of England--not very rich, not very clever, and not very +good-looking--who would look askance at a belted earl who came to demand +their daughter's hand in marriage. They have a natural conviction that +they're the salt of the earth, and in their particular corner they rule +more absolutely than half the monarchs in Europe. The Allertons were +like that. But Fred somehow seemed to belong to a different stock. The +first thing he did was to play ducks and drakes with his fortune. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But men ought to be extravagant. That's what they're there for. + +DICK. + +Women always took his side because he had an irresistible charm of +manner. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I think George has, too, a little. + +DICK. + +I hope for Lucy's sake he will turn out a different man from his father. +I wish he weren't so like him in appearance. At last Fred Allerton had +squandered every penny, and he married Lady Kelsey's sister, one of the +three rich daughters of a Liverpool merchant. But he ran through her +money, too, gambling, racing, and so forth, and she died of a broken +heart--adoring him still. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You're as well informed as an encyclopædia, Mr. Lomas. + +DICK. + +You see, I was made the trustee for the poor remains of Mrs. Allerton's +fortune, and I know how Lucy has managed to keep all their heads above +water. She's wonderful. Ever since she was a child she's held the reins +in her own hands. She's stuck to her father, though Lady Kelsey implored +her to leave him to his own foolish ways. She saw that George was +decently educated. She hid from the world all the little shifts and +devices to which she had to resort in order to keep up an appearance of +decency. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I suppose you, too, think Fred Allerton little better than a scamp? + +DICK. + +My dear lady, when a man has had to leave his club because he plays +cards too well, it's at least permissible to suppose that there's +something odd about him. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Here's Lady Kelsey. For heaven's sake try and amuse her a little. + +[LADY KELSEY _comes back into the room_. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, Dick, I'm so full of my own troubles, I forgot to ask about yours. +I'm so sorry to hear that you're ill. + +DICK. + +On the contrary, I'm in the very best of health. + +LADY KELSEY. + +But I saw in the papers that you were going to give up your seat in the +House owing to ill-health. + +DICK. + +Of course, I'd forgotten. My heart is seriously deranged. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +How dreadful! What is the matter with it? + +DICK. + +Can you ask? I've banged it about at your feet so long that its +functions are excessively impaired. And it's beaten all my waistcoats +out of shape. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Don't be so foolish. I was quite alarmed. + +DICK. + +I'm going to retire. + +LADY KELSEY. + +From the bar as well? + +DICK. + +From the bar as well. Henceforth I shall cultivate only such arts and +graces as are proper to the man of leisure. My fellow men are a great +deal too strenuous, and I propose to offer them the spectacle of a +complete idler who demands from the world neither honours nor profit, +but only entertainment. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +D'you mean to say you're going to give up a large practice and a +position which may be very important merely to gratify a foolish whim? + +DICK. + +I haven't time to work. Life is so much too short. A little while ago it +occurred to me that I was nearly forty. [_To_ MRS. CROWLEY.] D'you know +the feeling? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +No, of course not. Don't be so uncivil. + +DICK. + +By the way, how old are you? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Twenty-nine! + +DICK. + +Nonsense! There's no such age. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I beg your pardon, upper parlourmaids are always twenty-nine. + +DICK. + +For years I've spent eight hours a day meddling with silly persons' +silly quarrels, and eight hours more governing the nation. I've never +been able to spend more than half my income. I'm merely working myself +to death in order to leave a fortune to my nieces, two desperately plain +girls with red noses. + +LADY KELSEY. + +But what are you going to do? + +DICK. + +Oh, I don't know. Perhaps I'll try my hand at big game shooting, if Alec +will take me on this expedition of his. I've always thought shooting +would be an agreeable pastime if partridges were the size of well-grown +sheep and pheasants a little larger than a cow. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then the breakdown in your health is all humbug? + +DICK. + +Absolute humbug. If I were to tell the truth people would shut me up in +a lunatic asylum. I've come to the conclusion that there's only one game +in the world worth playing, and that's the game of life. I'm rich enough +to devote myself to it entirely. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But you'll get bored to death. + +DICK. + +Not I! Why, I'm growing younger every day. My dear Mrs. Crowley, I don't +feel a day more than eighteen. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You certainly look quite twenty-five. + +DICK. + +I haven't a white hair in my head. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I suppose your servant plucks them out every morning. + +DICK. + +Oh, very rarely. One a month at the outside. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I think I see one on the left temple. + +DICK. + +Really! How careless of Charles! I must speak to him. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Let me pluck it out. + +DICK. + +I shall allow you to do nothing so familiar. + + [GEORGE _comes hurriedly into the room_. + +GEORGE. + +There's Alec Mackenzie. He's just driven up in a cab. + +DICK. + +He must have come from the trial. Then it's all over. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Quick! Go to the stairs, or Miller won't let him up. + + [GEORGE _runs across the room and opens the door_. + +GEORGE. + +[_Calling._] Miller, Miller, Mr. Mackenzie's to come up. + +[LUCY ALLERTON, _hearing a commotion, comes in. She is older than +George, a tall girl, white now, with eyes heavy from want of sleep. She +has lived in the country all her life, and has brought up to London a +sort of remoteness from the world. She is beautiful in a very English +manner, and her clear-cut features are an index to a character in which +the moral notions are peculiarly rigid. Self-control is a quality which +she possesses in a marked degree, and one which she enormously admires +in others_. + +LUCY. + +Who is it? + +GEORGE. + +It's Alec Mackenzie. He's come from the trial! + +LUCY. + +Then it's finished at last. [_She shakes hands with_ DICK.] It's so good +of you to come. + +BOULGER. + +You're perfectly wonderful, Lucy. How can you be so calm? + +LUCY. + +Because I'm quite sure of the result. D'you imagine I'd doubt my father +for a moment? + +DICK. + +Oh, Lucy, for heaven's sake don't be so sure. You must be prepared for +everything. + +LUCY. + +Oh, no, I know my father. D'you think I've not studied him during these +years that I've looked after him? He's a child, with all a child's +thoughtlessness and simplicity. And God knows, he's weak. I know his +faults better than any one, but it would be impossible for him to do +anything criminal. + + [_The_ BUTLER _enters, followed by_ ALEC MACKENZIE. + ALEC _is a tall, wiry man, well-knit, + with dark hair and a small red + moustache and beard, cut close to the face. + He is about five-and-thirty. He has great + ease of manner, and there is about him an + air as though he were accustomed that + people should do as he told them._ + +BUTLER. + +Mr. Mackenzie! + +GEORGE. + +Is it finished? For God's sake tell us quickly, old man. + +LUCY. + +Why didn't father come with you? Is he following? + +ALEC. + +Yes, it's all over. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Thank goodness. The suspense was really too dreadful. + +GEORGE. + +I knew they'd acquit him. Thank God! + +DICK. + +[_Looking at_ ALEC'S _face_.] Take care, George. + + [_Suddenly_ LUCY _goes up to_ ALEC _and looks at + him. An expression of horror distorts her + features._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Lucy, what is it? + +ALEC. + +I don't know how I am going to tell you. + +LUCY. + +You say the trial was over when you came away? + +ALEC. + +Yes. + +LUCY. + +The jury had given their verdict? + +GEORGE. + +Lucy, what are you driving at? You don't think ...? + +ALEC. + +Your father asked me to come and break it to you. + +GEORGE. + +He's not dead? + +ALEC. + +Perhaps it would be better if he were. + +LUCY. + +They found him guilty? + +ALEC. + +Yes. + +GEORGE. + +[_With a groan of despair._] Oh! But it's impossible. + +LUCY. + +[_Putting her hand on his arm._] Ssh! + +LADY KELSEY. + +My God, my God! I'm thankful that his wife is dead. + +LUCY. + +I'm awfully stupid, but if he was innocent, how could they find him +guilty? I don't know what you mean. + +ALEC. + +I am afraid it's very clear. + +LUCY. + +There must be some horrible mistake. + +ALEC. + +I wish there were. + +GEORGE. + +[_Breaking down into tears and sinking into a chair._] Oh, God! What +shall I do? + +LUCY. + +Don't do that, George. We want all our calmness now. + +GEORGE. + +Don't you see they all expected it? It was only you and I who believed +in his innocence. + +LUCY. + +[_To_ ALEC.] Did you hear the evidence? + +ALEC. + +Yes. + +LUCY. + +And you followed it carefully? + +ALEC. + +Very. + +LUCY. + +What impression did it leave on your mind? + +ALEC. + +What can it matter how it affected me? + +LUCY. + +I want to know. + +DICK. + +Lucy, you're torturing us all. + +LUCY. + +If you had been on the jury would your verdict have been the same as +theirs? + +ALEC. + +I should have been obliged to judge according to my conscience. + +LUCY. + +I see. And you have no doubt that he was guilty? + +ALEC. + +Don't ask me these horrible questions. + +LUCY. + +But it's very important. I know that you are a perfectly honest and +upright man. If you think he was guilty, there is nothing more to be +said. + +ALEC. + +The case was so plain that the jury were not out of the box for more +than ten minutes. + +LUCY. + +Did the judge say anything? + +ALEC. + +[_Hesitatingly._] He said there could be no doubt about the justice of +the verdict. + +LUCY. + +What else?... [_He looks at her without answering._] You had better tell +me now. I shall see it in the papers to-morrow. + +ALEC. + +[_As though the words were dragged out of him._] He called it a very +mean and shameful crime, worse than another man's because your father +was a gentleman of ancient family and bore a name of great honour. + +DICK. + +[_To_ MRS. CROWLEY.] These judges have a weakness for pointing a moral. + +LUCY. + +And what was the sentence? [_A pause._] Well? + +ALEC. + +Seven years' penal servitude. + +GEORGE. + +Oh, God! + +DICK. + +My dear girl, I can't tell you how sorry I am. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Lucy, what is it? You frighten me. + +LUCY. + +Try and bear up, George. We want all the strength we've got, you and I. + +[MRS. CROWLEY _puts her arms round_ LUCY _and kisses her._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, my dear, my dear! + +LUCY. + +[_Disengaging herself._] You're all very kind, and I know you sympathise +with me.... + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Interrupting her._] You know that we'll do everything we can to help +you. + +LUCY. + +It's so good of you. There's really nothing that any one can do. Would +you all mind leaving me alone with George? We must talk this over by +ourselves. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Very well. Mr. Lomas, will you put me into a cab? + +DICK. + +Certainly. [_To_ LUCY.] Good-bye, dear, and God bless you. + +LUCY. + +[_Shaking hands with him._] Don't worry too much about me. If there's +anything I want, I'll let you know. + +DICK. + +Thanks. + + [_He goes out with_ MRS. CROWLEY. + +ALEC. + +May I speak to you for a few minutes alone? + +LUCY. + +Not now, Mr. Mackenzie. I don't want to seem rude, but ... + +ALEC. + +[_Interrupting._] I know, and I wouldn't insist unless it were a matter +of the most urgent importance. + +LUCY. + +Very well. George, will you take Aunt Alice to her room? I shall want +you in a moment. + +GEORGE. + +Yes. + +LUCY. + +[_To_ LADY KELSEY.] Won't you lie down and try and sleep a little? You +must be dreadfully exhausted. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Ah, don't think of me now, dear. Think of yourself. + +LUCY. + +[_Smiling._] It's purely selfish. It eases me a little to fuss about +you. + +GEORGE. + +I'll wait in the smoking-room, Lucy. + +LUCY. + +Do! + +[GEORGE _and_ LADY KELSEY _go out._ + +ALEC. + +I think your self-command is wonderful. I've never admired you more than +at this moment. + +LUCY. + +You make me feel such a prig. It's not really very strange if I keep my +head, because I've had an immensely long training. Since I was fifteen +I've been alone to care for George and my father.... Won't you sit down? + +ALEC. + +I can say what I want in a very few words. You know that in a week I +start for Mombassa to take charge of the expedition in North-East +Africa. I may be away for three or four years, and I shall be exposed to +a certain amount of danger. When I left Africa last time to gather +supplies, I determined I would crush those wretched slave-traders, and +now I think I have the means to do it. + +LUCY. + +I think you are engaged on a very great work. + +ALEC. + +I don't know whether you ever noticed that--that I cared more for you +than for any one in the world. But with the long journey in front of me +I didn't think it was right to say anything to you. It wasn't fair to +ask you to bind yourself during my long absence. And there was always +the risk that a stray bullet might put an end to me. I made up my mind +that I must wait till I returned. But things have changed now. Lucy, I +love you with all my heart. Will you marry me before I go? + +LUCY. + +No, I can't do that. It's very generous of you, but I couldn't. + +ALEC. + +Why not? Don't you know that I love you? It would help me so much if I +knew that you were waiting for me at home. + +LUCY. + +I must look after my father. I shall go and live near the--prison, so +that I can see him whenever it's possible. + +ALEC. + +You can do that as well if you're my wife.... You have before you a very +difficult and trying time. Won't you let me help you? + +LUCY. + +I couldn't. Heaven knows, I'm grateful to you for offering to marry me +on this day of my bitter humiliation. I shall never forget your great +kindness. But I must stand alone. I must devote myself to my father. +When he's released I must have a home to bring him to, and I must tend +him and care for him. Ah, now he wants me more than ever. + +ALEC. + +You're very proud. + +LUCY. + +[_Giving him her hand._] Dear friend, don't think hardly of me. I think +I love you as much as it's possible for a woman to love a man. + +ALEC. + +Lucy! + +LUCY. + +[_With a smile._] Did you want me to tell you that in so many words? I +admire you, and I trust you. I should be very happy if George could grow +into so brave and honest a man as you. + +ALEC. + +They're very modest crumbs with which you want me to be satisfied. + +LUCY. + +I know in your heart you think I'm right. You would never seek to +dissuade me from what I'm convinced is my duty. + +ALEC. + +Can't I do anything for you at all? + +[_She looks at him for a moment intently. She rings the bell._ + +LUCY. + +Yes, you can do me the greatest possible service. + +ALEC. + +I'm so glad. What is it you mean? + +LUCY. + +Wait, and I'll tell you. [_The_ BUTLER _enters._] Ask Mr. George to come +here, please. + +BUTLER. + +Very well, Miss. + + [_He goes out._ + +LUCY. + +I want you to help me. + + [GEORGE _comes in._ + +GEORGE. + +Yes, Lucy? + +LUCY. + +I want to give into your charge what I love most in the world.... +George, have you thought at all what you're going to do now? I'm afraid +you can't go back to Oxford. + +GEORGE. + +No, I don't know what's to become of me. I wish I were dead. + +LUCY. + +An idea has just come to me. I'm going to ask Mr. Mackenzie to take you +with him to Africa. Will you go? + +GEORGE. + +Yes, yes! I'd do anything to get away from England. I daren't face my +friends--I'm too ashamed. + +LUCY. + +Ah, but it's not to hide yourself that I want you to go. Mr. Mackenzie, +I daresay you know that we've always been very proud of our name. And +now it's hopelessly dishonoured. + +GEORGE. + +Lucy, for God's sake ... + +LUCY. + +[_Turning to him._] Now our only hope is in you. You have the +opportunity of achieving a great thing. You can bring back the old name +to its old honour. Oh, I wish I were a man. I can do nothing but wait +and watch. If I could only fill you with my courage and with my +ambition! Mr. Mackenzie, you asked if you could do anything for me. You +can give George the chance of wiping out the shame of our family. + +ALEC. + +Do you know that he will have to suffer every sort of danger and +privation, that often he will be parched by the heat, and often soaked +to the skin for days together? Sometimes he'll not have enough to eat, +and he'll have to work harder than a navvy. + +LUCY. + +Do you hear, George? Are you willing to go? + +GEORGE. + +I'll do anything you want me to, Lucy. + +ALEC. + +And you know that he may get killed. There may be a good deal of +fighting. + +LUCY. + +If he dies a brave man's death, I have nothing more to ask. + +ALEC. + +[_To_ GEORGE.] Very well. Come with me, and I'll do my best for you. + +LUCY. + +Ah, thanks. You are really my friend. + +ALEC. + +And when I come back? + +LUCY. + +Then, if you still care, ask your question again. + +ALEC. + +And the answer? + +LUCY. + +[_With a little smile._] The answer, perhaps, will be different. + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT + + + + +THE SECOND ACT + + + SCENE: ALEC MACKENZIE'S _tent in North-East Africa. It is night. + The place is dimly lighted. There is a little camp bed in one + corner with a mosquito net over it. There are two or three folding + chairs, some tin cases, and a table. On this a gun is lying._ + + DICK _is seated with his head on his hands, leaning on the table, + fast asleep_. DR. ADAMSON, _the surgeon of the expedition, comes + in. He is a large-boned brawny fellow with a Scotch accent. He + looks at_ DICK _and smiles_. + + +DOCTOR. + +Hulloa, there! [DICK _starts up and seizes the gun. The_ DOCTOR +_laughs_.] All right. Don't shoot. It's only me. + +DICK. + +[_With a laugh._] Why the dickens did you wake me up? I was +dreaming--dreaming of a high-heeled boot and a neat ankle, and the swish +of a white lace petticoat. + +DOCTOR. + +I thought I'd just have a look at your arm. + +DICK. + +It's one of the most æsthetic sights I know. + +DOCTOR. + +Your arm? + +DICK. + +A pretty woman crossing Piccadilly at Swan and Edgar's. You are a +savage, my good doctor, and a barbarian. You don't know the care and +forethought, the hours of anxious meditation, it has needed for her to +hold up that well-made skirt with the elegant grace which enchants you. + +DOCTOR. + +I'm afraid you're a very immoral man, Lomas. + +DICK. + +Ah, my dear fellow, at my time of life I have to content myself with +condemning the behaviour of the younger generation. Even a camp bed in a +stuffy tent with mosquitoes buzzing all around me has allurements +greater than those of youth and beauty. And I declare for all women to +hear that I am proof against their wiles. Give me a comfortable bed to +sleep in, plenty to eat, tobacco to smoke, and Amaryllis may go hang. + +DOCTOR. + +Well, let's look at this wound of yours. Has it been throbbing at all? + +DICK. + +Oh, it's not worth bothering about. It'll be all right to-morrow. + +DOCTOR. + +I'll put a clean dressing on all the same. + +DICK. + +All right. [_He takes off his coat and rolls up his sleeve. His arm is +bandaged, and during the next speeches the_ DOCTOR _puts on a dressing +and a clean bandage_.] You must be pretty well done up, aren't you? + +DOCTOR. + +Just about dropping. But I've got a deuce of a lot more work before I +turn in. + +DICK. + +The thing that amuses me is to remember that I came to Africa thinking I +was going to have a rattling good time. + +DOCTOR. + +You couldn't exactly describe it as a picnic, could you? But I don't +suppose any of us knew it would be such a tough job as it's turned out. + +DICK. + +My friend, if ever I return to my native land, I will never be such a +crass and blithering idiot as to give way again to a spirit of +adventure. + +DOCTOR. + +[_With a laugh._] You're not the sort of chap whom one would expect to +take to African work. Why the blazes did you come? + +DICK. + +That's precisely what I've been asking myself ever since we landed in +this God-forsaken swamp. + +DOCTOR. + +The wound looks healthy enough. It'll hardly even leave a scar. + +DICK. + +I'm glad that my fatal beauty won't be injured.... You see, Alec's about +the oldest friend I have. And then there's young Allerton, I've known +him ever since he was a kid. + +DOCTOR. + +That's an acquaintance that most of us wouldn't boast about. + +DICK. + +I had an idea I'd like Bond Street all the better when I got back. I +never knew that I should be eaten alive by every kind of disgusting +animal by night and day. I say, Doctor, do you ever think of a rump +steak? + +DOCTOR. + +When? + +DICK. + +[_With a wave of the hand._] Sometimes, when we're marching under a sun +that just about takes the roof of your head off, and we've had the +scantiest and most uncomfortable breakfast possible, I have a vision. + +DOCTOR. + +D'you mind only gesticulating with one arm? + +DICK. + +I see the dining-room of my club and myself sitting at a little table by +the window looking out on Piccadilly, and there's a spotless tablecloth, +and all the accessories are spick and span. An obsequious servant brings +me a rump steak, grilled to perfection, and so tender that it melts in +the mouth. And he puts by my side a plate of crisp, fried potatoes. +Can't you smell them? + +DOCTOR. + +[_Laughing._] Shut up! + +DICK. + +And then another obsequious servant brings me a pewter tankard, and into +it he pours a bottle, a large bottle, mind you, of foaming ale. + +DOCTOR. + +You've certainly added considerably to our cheerfulness. + +DICK. + +[_With a shrug of the shoulders._] I've often been driven to appease the +pangs of raging hunger with a careless epigram, and by the laborious +composition of a limerick I have sought to deceive a most unholy +thirst. + +DOCTOR. + +Well, last night I thought you'd made your last joke, old man, and that +I had given my last dose of quinine. + +DICK. + +We were in rather a tight corner, weren't we? + +DOCTOR. + +This is the third expedition I've gone with Mackenzie against the +slave-raiders, and I promise you I've never been so certain that all was +over with us. + +DICK. + +Funny thing death is, you know. When you think of it beforehand, it +makes you squirm in your shoes, but when you've just got it face to +face, it seems so obvious that you forget to be afraid. It's one of my +principles never to be impressed by a platitude. + +DOCTOR. + +It's only by a miracle we escaped. If those Arabs hadn't hesitated to +attack us just those ten minutes we should have been wiped out. + +DICK. + +Alec was splendid, wasn't he? + +DOCTOR. + +Yes, by Jove! He thought we were done for. + +DICK. + +What makes you think that? + +DOCTOR. + +Well, you see, I know him pretty well. He's been a pal of yours for +twenty years in England, but I've been with him out here three times, +and I tell you there's not much about a man that you don't know then. + +DICK. + +Well? + +DOCTOR. + +Well, when things are going smoothly and everything's flourishing, he's +apt to be a bit irritable. He keeps rather to himself, and he doesn't +say much unless you do something he doesn't approve of. + +DICK. + +And then, by Jove, he comes down on one like a thousand of bricks. It's +not for nothing the natives call him Thunder and Lightning. + +DOCTOR. + +But when things begin to look black, his spirits go up like one o'clock. +And the worse they are, the more cheerful he is. + +DICK. + +It's one of his most irritating characteristics. + +DOCTOR. + +When every one is starving with hunger, and dead tired, and soaked to +the skin, Mackenzie fairly bubbles over with good-humour. + +DICK. + +When I'm in a bad temper, I much prefer every one else to be in a bad +temper too. + +DOCTOR. + +These last few days, he's been positively hilarious. Yesterday he was +cracking jokes with the natives. + +DICK. + +[_Dryly._] Scotch jokes. I daresay they sound funny in an African +dialect. + +DOCTOR. + +I've never seen him more cheerful. I said to myself: By the Lord Harry, +the chief thinks we're in a devil of a bad way. + +DICK. + +Thank Heaven, it's all over now. We've none of us had any sleep for +three days, and when I once get off, I don't mean to wake up for a week. + +DOCTOR. + +I must go and see the rest of my patients. Perkins has got a bad dose of +fever this time. He was quite delirious a while ago. + +DICK. + +By Jove, I'd almost forgotten. How one changes out here! Here am I +feeling happy and comfortable and inclined to make a little jest or two, +and I've forgotten already that poor Richardson is dead and Lord knows +how many natives. + +DOCTOR. + +Poor chap, we could ill spare him. The fates never choose the right man. + +DICK. + +What do you mean by that? + +DOCTOR. + +If we had to lose some one, it would have been a damned sight better if +that young cub had got the bullet which killed poor Richardson. + +DICK. + +George Allerton? + +DOCTOR. + +He wouldn't have been much loss, would he? + +DICK. + +No, I'm afraid he wouldn't. + +DOCTOR. + +Mackenzie has been very patient with him. I wonder he didn't send him +back to the coast months ago, when he sacked Macinnery. + +DICK. + +Poor George, everything has been against him. + +DOCTOR. + +Some men have got natures so crooked that with every chance in the world +to go straight they can't manage it. The only thing is to let them go +to the devil as best they may. + +DICK. + +Alec was bound to give him another chance. [ALEC MACKENZIE _comes in_.] +Hulloa, Alec! Where have you been? + +ALEC. + +I've been going the round of the outlying sentries. + +DICK. + +All serene? + +ALEC. + +Yes. I've just seen a native messenger that Mindabi sent to me. + +DOCTOR. + +Anything important? + +ALEC. + +[_Curtly._] Yes. How's the arm, Dick? + +DICK. + +Oh, that's nothing. It's only a scratch. + +ALEC. + +You'd better not make too light of it. The smallest wound has a way of +being troublesome in this country. + +DOCTOR. + +He'll be all right in a day or two. + +ALEC. + +How are the others? + +DOCTOR. + +They're going on pretty well on the whole. Perkins, of course, will be +down for some days longer. And some of the natives are rather badly +hurt. Those devils have got explosive bullets. + +ALEC. + +Any one in great danger? + +DOCTOR. + +No, I don't think so. There are two men who are in rather a bad way, but +all they want is rest. + +ALEC. + +I see. + +DICK. + +I say, have you had anything to eat lately? + +ALEC. + +[_With a laugh._] Good Lord! I quite forgot. I wonder when the dickens I +had some food last. + +DICK. + +[_Smiling._] You've had nothing to-day, have you? + +ALEC. + +No, I don't think so. Those Arabs kept us so confoundedly busy. + +DICK. + +You must be devilish hungry. + +ALEC. + +Now you mention it, I think I am. And thirsty, by Jove! I wouldn't give +my thirst for an elephant tusk. + +DICK. + +And to think there's nothing but tepid water to drink! + +DOCTOR. + +I'll go and tell the boy to bring you some food. It's a rotten game to +play tricks with your digestion like that. + +ALEC. + +[_Gaily._] Stern man, the doctor, isn't he? It won't hurt me once in a +way. And I shall enjoy it all the more now. + +DOCTOR. + +[_Calling._] Selim! + +ALEC. + +No, don't trouble. The poor chap's just turned in, dropping with sleep. +I told him he might till I called him. I don't want much, and I can +easily get it myself. [_He goes to a case and takes out a tin of meat +and some ship's biscuits._] It's rather a nuisance that we've not been +able to get any game lately. + + [_He sets the food down before him, sits down, + and begins to eat._ + +DICK. + +[_Ironically._] Appetising, isn't it? + +ALEC. + +Splendid! + +DICK. + +You have all the instincts of the primeval savage, Alec. It enrages and +disgusts me. + +ALEC. + +[_With a laugh._] Why? + +DICK. + +You take food for the gross and bestial purpose of appeasing your +hunger. You have no appreciation for the delicacies of eating as a fine +art. + +ALEC. + +The meat's getting rather mouldy, isn't it? + +DICK. + +Damnable! It's been a source of great anxiety to me in England. + +ALEC. + +What is he talking about now? + +DICK. + +I was going on with the thread of my observations, which you interrupted +with the entirely obvious remark that the tinned meat was getting +mouldy. + +ALEC. + +I apologise profusely. Pray go on! + +DICK. + +I was about to observe that even in England you will eat the most +carefully ordered meal with an indifference which is an outrage to +decency. Indeed, you pay less attention to it than here, because at all +events you do notice that the meat is mouldy. But if any one gives you a +good dinner, you notice nothing. I've given him priceless port, Doctor, +and he drank it as though it were cooking sherry. + +DOCTOR. + +I confess it is lamentable. But why is it a source of anxiety to you? + +DICK. + +What on earth is to happen to him in his old age? + +ALEC. + +Explain yourself, my friend. Clearly but with as much brevity as +possible. + +DICK. + +The pleasure of eating is the only pleasure that remains to the old. +Love--what is love when you lose your figure, and your hair grows thin? +Knowledge--one can never know everything, and the desire passes with the +fire of youth. Even ambition fails you in the end. But to those who have +lived wisely and well, there remain three pleasures every day of their +lives: their breakfast, their luncheon, and their dinner. + +ALEC. + +[_With a laugh._] I wouldn't worry about my old age if I were you, Dick. + +DICK. + +Why? + +ALEC. + +Because I think it's ten to one that we shall all be dead to-morrow +morning. + +DOCTOR. + +What? + + [_There is a slight pause while both men stare + at him._ + +DICK. + +Is this one of your little jokes, Alec? + +ALEC. + +You have often observed that I joke with difficulty. + +DOCTOR. + +But what's wrong now? + +ALEC. + +You'll neither of you sleep in your beds to-night. Another sell for the +mosquitoes, isn't it? I propose to break up the camp and start marching +as soon as the moon goes down. + +DICK. + +I say, it's a bit thick after a day like this. We're all so done up that +we shan't be able to go a mile. + +ALEC. + +Nonsense, you will have had two hours' rest. + +DOCTOR. + +But some of those fellows who are wounded can't possibly be moved. + +ALEC. + +They must! + +DOCTOR. + +I won't answer for their lives. + +ALEC. + +We must take the risk. Our only chance is to make a bold dash for it, +and we can't leave the wounded here. + +DICK. + +I suppose there's going to be a deuce of a row? + +ALEC. + +[_Grimly._] There is. + +DICK. + +Your companions seldom have a chance to complain of the monotony of +their existence, Alec. What are you going to do now? + +ALEC. + +At this moment, I'm going to fill my pipe. + + [_There is a pause while_ ALEC _fills and lights + his pipe_. + +DICK. + +I gather from the general amiability of your demeanour that we're in a +rather tight place? + +ALEC. + +Tighter than any of your patent-leather boots, my friend. + +DICK. + +[_Gravely._] Have we any chance of getting through, old man? + +ALEC. + +[_Lightly._] Oh, I don't know. There's always a chance. + +DICK. + +Don't grin at me in that irritating fashion. + +ALEC. + +You must wish you were treading the light fantastic toe in a London +ball-room, Dick. + +DICK. + +Frankly I do.... I suppose we're going to fight again? + +ALEC. + +Like Kilkenny cats. + +DICK. + +[_Briskly._] Well, at all events that's some comfort. If I am going to +be done out of my night's rest, I should like to take it out of some +one. + +ALEC. + +If things turn out all right, we shall have come near finishing the job, +and there won't be much more slave-raiding in this part of Africa. + +DICK. + +And if things don't turn out all right? + +ALEC. + +Why, then I'm afraid the tea-tables of Mayfair will be deprived of your +scintillating repartee forever. + +DICK. + +Well, I've had a very good time in my life. I've loved a little, I've +looked at some good pictures, read some thundering fine books, and I've +worked and played. If I can only account for a few more of those damned +scoundrels before I die, I shouldn't think I had much to complain of. + +ALEC. + +[_Smiling._] You're a philosopher, Dick. + +DICK. + +Doesn't the possibility of an extremely unpleasant demise tempt you to a +few appropriate reflections? + +ALEC. + +I don't know that it does. I'm a bit of a fatalist, and my theory is +that when my time comes nothing can help me, but at the bottom of my +heart I can't resist the conviction that I shan't die till I let myself. + +DOCTOR. + +Well, I must go and put things in order. I'll bandage those fellows up, +and I hope they'll stand the jolting. + +ALEC. + +What about Perkins? + +DOCTOR. + +Lord knows! I'll try and keep him quiet with chloral. + +ALEC. + +You needn't say anything about striking camp. I don't propose that any +one should know till a quarter of an hour before we start. + +DOCTOR. + +But that won't give them time. + +ALEC. + +It must. I've trained them often enough to get on the march quickly. + +DOCTOR. + +Very well. + + [GEORGE ALLERTON _comes in as the_ DOCTOR _is + on the point of going_. + +GEORGE. + +Can I come in? + +ALEC. + +Yes ... Doctor! + +DOCTOR. + +Hulloa! + +ALEC. + +You might stay a minute, will you? + +DOCTOR. + +[_Coming back._] Certainly. + +ALEC. + +Didn't Selim tell you that I wanted to speak to you? + +GEORGE. + +That's why I've come. + +ALEC. + +You've taken your time about it. + +GEORGE. + +I say, could you give me a drink of brandy? I'm awfully done up. + +ALEC. + +[_Shortly._] There's no brandy left. + +GEORGE. + +Hasn't the doctor got some? + +ALEC. + +No! + + [_There is a pause._ ALEC _looks at him slowly_. + +GEORGE. + +Why are you all looking at me like that? You look as if you were going +to try me for something. + +DICK. + +Nonsense! Don't be so nervous. + +ALEC. + +[_Abruptly._] Do you know anything about the death of that Turkana +woman? + +GEORGE. + +No! How should I? + +ALEC. + +Come now, you must know something about it. Last Tuesday you came into +camp and told me the Turkana were very excited. + +GEORGE. + +[_Unwillingly._] Oh, yes! I remember something about it. It had slipped +my memory. + +ALEC. + +Well? + +GEORGE. + +I'm not very clear about it. The woman had been shot, hadn't she? One of +our station boys had been playing the fool with her, and he seems to +have shot her. + +ALEC. + +Have you made no inquiries as to who the man was? + +GEORGE. + +[_In a surly way._] I haven't had time. We've all been worked off our +legs during these three days. + +ALEC. + +Do you suspect no one? + +GEORGE. + +I don't think so. + +ALEC. + +Think a moment. + +GEORGE. + +The only man who might have done it is that big scoundrel whom we got on +the coast, the Swahili. + +ALEC. + +What makes you think that? + +GEORGE. + +He's been making an awful nuisance of himself, and I know he was running +after her. + +ALEC. + +I understand she complained about him to you? + +GEORGE. + +Yes. + +ALEC. + +Do you think that would be enough evidence to punish him on? + +GEORGE. + +He's a thorough blackguard, and after all, if one does make a mistake, +he's only a nigger. + +ALEC. + +You'll be surprised to hear that when the woman was found she wasn't +dead. + + [GEORGE _gives a movement of consternation_. + +ALEC. + +She didn't die for nearly an hour. + +GEORGE. + +[_After a short pause._] Was she able to say anything? + +ALEC. + +She accused you of having shot her. + +GEORGE. + +Me? + +ALEC. + +It appears that _you_ were playing the fool with her, and when she got +angry you took out a revolver and fired point blank. Presumably that she +should tell no tales. + +GEORGE. + +It's a stupid lie. You know what they are. It's just like them to tell +an absurd lie like that. You wouldn't believe a parcel of niggers rather +than me, would you? After all, my word's worth more than theirs. + +ALEC. + +[_Taking from his pocket an exploded cartridge._] This was found about +two yards from the body. As you see, it's a revolver cartridge. It was +brought to me this evening. + +GEORGE. + +I don't know what that proves. + +ALEC. + +You know just as well as I do that none of our natives has a revolver. +Besides ourselves only two or three of the servants have them. + + [GEORGE _becomes white with fear, he takes out + his handkerchief and wipes his face_. + +ALEC. + +[_Quietly._] Will you give me your revolver? + +GEORGE. + +I haven't got it. I lost it in the skirmish this afternoon. I didn't +tell you as I thought you'd be annoyed. + +ALEC. + +I saw you cleaning it less than an hour ago. + +GEORGE. + +[_With a shrug of the shoulders._] Perhaps it's in my tent, I'll go and +see. + +ALEC. + +[_Sharply._] Stop here. + +GEORGE. + +[_Angrily._] You've no right to talk to me like that. I'm sick to death +of being ordered about. You seem to think I'm a dog. I came out here of +my own free will, and I won't let you treat me as if I were a servant. + +ALEC. + +If you put your hand to your hip pocket, I think you'll find your +revolver there. + +GEORGE. + +I'm not going to give it to you. + +ALEC. + +[_Quietly._] D'you want me to come and take it from you myself? + + [_The two men stare at one another for a moment. + Then_ GEORGE _slowly puts his hand to his + pocket. He lakes out the revolver and + suddenly aims at_ ALEC. DICK _beats up + his arm as he fires, and the_ DOCTOR, + _springing forward, seizes him round the + waist_. ALEC _remains still_. + +DICK. + +[_During the struggle._] You young blackguard! + +GEORGE. + +Let me go, damn you! + +ALEC. + +You need not hold him. + + [_They leave go of_ GEORGE, _who sinks cowering + into a chair_. DICK _hands the revolver to_ + ALEC. _He silently fits into a chamber the + cartridge that had been brought to him._ + +ALEC. + +You see that it fits. Hadn't you better make a clean breast of it? + +GEORGE. + +[_Cowed._] Yes, I shot her. She made a row, and the devil got into me. I +didn't know I'd done anything till she screamed and I saw the blood.... +What a fool I was to throw the cartridge away! I wanted to have all the +chambers charged. + +ALEC. + +Do you remember that two months ago I hanged a man to the nearest tree +because he'd outraged a native woman? + +GEORGE. + +[_Springing up in terror._] You wouldn't do that to me, Alec. Oh, God, +no, Alec, have mercy on me. You wouldn't hang me. Oh, why did I ever +come to this damned place? + +ALEC. + +You need not be afraid. I'm not going to do that. In any case I must +preserve the native respect for the white man. + +GEORGE. + +I was half drunk when I saw that woman. I wasn't responsible for my +actions. + +ALEC. + +The result is that the whole tribe has turned against us. The chief is +my friend, and he sent a message to tell me he couldn't hold them in. +It's from him I got the cartridge. It wouldn't be so serious, only the +best fighting part of our forces are the Turkana, and we must expect +treachery. They've stirred up the neighbouring tribes against us, and +all the work we've been doing for a year is undone. That's the +explanation of the Arabs' attack three days ago. + +GEORGE. + +[_Sullenly._] I knew it was all my fault. + +ALEC. + +The natives have made up their minds to join the slave-traders, and we +shall be attacked on all sides to-morrow. We can't hold out against God +knows how many thousands. + +GEORGE. + +D'you mean you'll all be killed? + +ALEC. + +If we remain here there's no escape. + +GEORGE. + +[_In a whisper._] What are you going to do to me, Alec? + + [ALEC _walks up and down the tent_. + +ALEC. + +[_Presently._] I think you might go and see your patients now, doctor. + +DOCTOR. + +Very well. + +DICK. + +Shall I go too, Alec? + +ALEC. + +No, you can stay here. But don't open your mouth till you're spoken to. + +[THE DOCTOR _goes out_. + +GEORGE. + +I'm sorry I did that silly thing just now. I'm glad I didn't hit you. + +ALEC. + +It doesn't matter at all. I'd forgotten all about it. + +GEORGE. + +I lost my head, I didn't know what I was doing. + +ALEC. + +You need not trouble about that. In Africa even the strongest people are +apt to get excited and lose their balance. + +[ALEC _re-lights his pipe, and there its a very short pause_. + +ALEC. + +Did you ever know that before we came away I asked Lucy to marry me? + +GEORGE. + +I knew you cared for her. + +ALEC. + +She asked me to bring you here in the hope that you would regain the +good name of your family. I think that is the object she has most at +heart in the world. It's as great as her love for you. The plan hasn't +been much of a success, has it? + +GEORGE. + +She ought to have known that I wasn't suited for this kind of life. + +ALEC. + +I saw very soon that you were weak and irresolute. But I hoped to make +something of you. Your intentions seemed good enough, but you never had +the strength to carry them out.... I'm sorry if I seem to be preaching +to you. + +GEORGE. + +[_Bitterly._] Oh, d'you think I care what any one says to me now? + +ALEC. + +[_Gravely, but not unkindly._] Then I found you were drinking. I told +you that no man could stand liquor in this country, and you gave me your +word of honour that you wouldn't touch it again. + +GEORGE. + +Yes, I broke it. I couldn't help it; the temptation was too strong. + +ALEC. + +When we came to the station at Muneas you and Macinnery got blind drunk, +and the whole camp saw you. I ought to have sent you back to the coast +then, but it would have broken Lucy's heart. + +GEORGE. + +It was Macinnery's fault. + +ALEC. + +It's because I thought he was to blame that I sent him back alone. I +wanted to give you another chance. It struck me that the feeling of +authority might have some influence on you, and so when we came to the +lake I left you to guard the ferry. I put the chief part of the stores +in your care and marched on. I needn't remind you what happened then. + +[GEORGE _looks down sulkily, and in default of excuses keeps silent_. + +ALEC. + +I came to the conclusion that it was hopeless. You seemed to me rotten +through and through. + +GEORGE. + +[_With a little laugh._] Like my father before me. + +ALEC. + +I couldn't believe a word you said. You did everything you shouldn't +have done. The result was that the men mutinied, and if I hadn't come +back in the nick of time they'd have killed you and looted all the +stores. + +GEORGE. + +You always blame me for everything. A man's not responsible for what he +does when he's down with fever. + +ALEC. + +It was too late to send you back to the coast then, and I was obliged to +take you on. And now the end has come. Your murder of that woman has put +us all in deadly peril. Already to your charge lie the deaths of +Richardson and almost twenty natives. Tribes that were friendly have +joined with the Arabs, and we're as near destruction as we can possibly +be. + +GEORGE. + +What are you going to do? + +ALEC. + +We're far away from the coast, and I must take the law into my own +hands. + +GEORGE. + +[_With a gasp._] You're not going to kill me? + +ALEC. + +Are you fond of Lucy? + +GEORGE. + +[_Brokenly._] You--you know I am. Why d'you remind me of her now? I've +made a rotten mess of everything, and I'm better out of the way. But +think of the disgrace of it. It'll kill Lucy.... And she was hoping I'd +do so much. + +ALEC. + +Listen to me. Our only chance of escaping from the confounded fix we're +in is to make a sudden attack on the Arabs before the natives join them. +We shall be enormously outnumbered, but we may just smash them if we can +strike to-night. My plan is to start marching as if I didn't know that +the Turkana were going to turn against us. After an hour all the whites +but one, and the Swahilis whom I can trust implicitly, will take a short +cut. The Arabs will have had news of our starting, and they'll try to +cut us off at the pass. I shall fall on them just as they begin to +attack. D'you understand? + +GEORGE. + +Yes. + +ALEC. + +Now I must have one white man to head the Turkana, and that man will run +the greatest possible danger. I'd go myself, only the Swahilis won't +fight unless I lead them.... Are you willing to take that post? + +GEORGE. + +I? + +ALEC. + +I could order you, but the job's too dangerous for me to force it on any +one. If you refuse, I shall call the others together and ask some one to +volunteer. In that case you will have to find your way back alone as +best you can to the coast. + +GEORGE. + +No, no! Anything rather than the shame of that. + +ALEC. + +I won't hide from you that it means almost certain death. But there's no +other way of saving ourselves. On the other hand, if you show perfect +courage at the moment the Arabs attack and the Turkana find that we've +given them the slip, you may escape. If you do, I promise nothing shall +be said of all that has happened here. + +GEORGE. + +All right. I'll do that. And I thank you with all my heart for giving me +the chance. + +ALEC. + +I'm glad you've accepted. Whatever happens you'll have done a brave +action in your life. [_He holds out his hand to_ GEORGE, _who takes +it_.] I think there's nothing more to be said. You must be ready to +start in half an hour. Here's your revolver. Remember that one chamber's +empty. You'd better put in another cartridge. + +GEORGE. + +Yes, I'll do that. + + [_He goes out._ + +DICK. + +D'you think he has any chance of escaping? + +ALEC. + +If he has pluck he may get through. + +DICK. + +Well! + +ALEC. + +To-morrow we shall know if he has that last virtue of a +blackguard--courage. + +DICK. + +And if he hasn't, it's death you're sending him to? + +ALEC. + +Yes. It's death! + + +END OF THE SECOND ACT + + + + +THE THIRD ACT + + + SCENE: _A smoking-room at_ LADY KELSEY'S, _leading by an archway + into a drawing-room at the back. On the right is a glass door which + leads into the garden. On one side is a sofa; on the other a table + with cigarettes, matches, whiskey, sodas, etc._ + + LADY KELSEY _is giving a dance, and the music of the Lancers is + heard vaguely from the ball-room as the curtain rises_. MRS. + CROWLEY _and_ SIR ROBERT BOULGER _are sitting down_. LADY KELSEY + _comes in with the_ REV. JAMES CARBERY. + + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, you wretched people, why aren't you dancing? It's too bad of you to +hide yourselves here! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +We thought no one would find us in the smoking-room. But why have you +abandoned your guests, Lady Kelsey? + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, I've got them all comfortably settled in the Lancers, and I'm free +to rest myself for a quarter of an hour. You don't know what agonies +I've been suffering the whole evening. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Good gracious me! Why? + +LADY KELSEY. + +I'm so afraid Alec Mackenzie will come. + +BOULGER. + +You needn't worry about that, Aunt Alice. He'll never venture to show +his face. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I didn't know what to do. It was impossible to put the dance off. It's +too dreadful that these horrible revelations should.... + +CARBERY. + +[_Supplying the word._] Transpire. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Yes, transpire on the very day I've at last persuaded Lucy to come into +the world again. I wish Dick would come. + +BOULGER. + +Yes, he'll be able to tell us something. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But will he? + +CARBERY. + +Wherever I go people are talking about Mr. Mackenzie, and I'm bound to +say I've found nobody who has a good word for him. + +BOULGER. + +[_Bitterly._] Humpty-dumpty's had a great fall. + +CARBERY. + +I wonder if I might have a cigarette? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I'm sure you might. And if you press me dreadfully, I'll have one, too. + +BOULGER. + +Don't press her. She's already had far too many. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Well, I'll forego the pressing, but not the cigarette. + +CARBERY. + +[_Handing her the box and giving her a light._] It's against all my +principles, you know. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What _is_ the use of principles except to give one an agreeable +sensation of wickedness when one doesn't act up to them? + +[DICK _comes in as she speaks._ + +DICK. + +My dear lady, you're as epigrammatic as a dramatist. Do you say such +things from choice or necessity? + +LADY KELSEY. + +_Dick!_ + +BOULGER. + +Dick! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Mr. Lomas! + +CARBERY. + +Ah! + +[_The four exclamations are simultaneous._ + +DICK. + +This enthusiasm at my appearance is no less gratifying than unexpected. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I'm so glad you've come at last. Now we shall get at the truth. + +BOULGER. + +[_Impatiently._] Well? + +DICK. + +My dear people, what _are_ you talking about? + +BOULGER. + +Oh, don't be such an ass! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Good heavens, didn't you read the _Times_ this morning? + +DICK. + +I only came back from Paris to-night. Besides, I never read the papers +except in August. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Raising her eyebrows._] When there's nothing in them? + +DICK. + +Pardon me, I'm an eager student of the sea-serpent and the giant +gooseberry. + +LADY KELSEY. + +My dear Dick, it's too shocking. I wish I'd had the courage to write and +ask Mr. Mackenzie not to come. But since you both came back from Africa +a month ago he's been here nearly every day. And he's been so good and +kind to us, I couldn't treat him as though there was no doubt the story +was true. + +BOULGER. + +There can't be the least doubt about it. By George, I should like to +kick him. + +DICK. + +[_Dryly._] My dear chap, Alec is a hardy Scot and bigger than you, so I +shouldn't advise you to try. + +BOULGER. + +I was engaged to dine with him to-night, but I wired to say I had a +headache. + +LADY KELSEY. + +What will he think if he sees you here? + +BOULGER. + +He can think what he jolly well likes. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I hope he has the sense to stay away. + +CARBERY. + +I think you're pretty safe now, Lady Kelsey. It's growing late. + +DICK. + +Will some one kindly explain? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +D'you mean to say you really don't know--seriously? After all, you were +with him. + +LADY KELSEY. + +My dear Dick, there are two columns of fiery denunciation in this +morning's _Times_. + +[DICK _is a little startled, but at once collects himself_. + +DICK. + +Oh, that's only the reaction. That's nothing. Since he arrived in +Mombassa, after three years in the heart of Africa, he's made almost a +triumphal progress. Of course, it couldn't last. The reaction was bound +to come. + +BOULGER. + +[_Looking at him steadily._] The article is signed by a man named +Macinnery. + +DICK. + +[_Calmly._] Alec found Macinnery half starving at Mombassa, and took him +solely out of charity. But he was a worthless rascal, and he had to send +him back. + +BOULGER. + +He gives ample proof for every word he says. + +DICK. + +Whenever an explorer comes home, there's some one to tell nasty stories +about him. People forget that kid gloves are not much use in a tropical +forest, and grow very indignant when they hear that a man has used a +little brute force to make himself respected. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Oh, my dear Dick, it's much worse than that. First poor Lucy's father +died.... + +DICK. + +You're not going to count that as an overwhelming misfortune? We were +unanimous in describing that gentleman's demise as an uncommonly happy +release. + +LADY KELSEY. + +But Lucy was heart-broken all the same. And when her life seemed to grow +a little more cheerful, came her brother's tragic death. + +DICK. + +[_Abruptly, to_ MRS. CROWLEY.] What is it exactly? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +The long and short of it is that Mr. Mackenzie was the cause of George +Allerton's death. + +DICK. + +Lucy's brother was killed by the slave-traders. + +BOULGER. + +Mackenzie sent him into a confounded trap to save his own dirty skin. + +LADY KELSEY. + +And the worst of it is that I think Lucy is in love with Mr. Mackenzie. + +[BOULGER _makes a slight movement, and for a moment there is an +uncomfortable pause_. + +CARBERY. + +I saw him this evening in Piccadilly, and I almost ran into his arms. It +was quite awkward. + +DICK. + +[_Frigidly._] Why? + +CARBERY. + +I don't think I want to shake the man's hand. He's nothing short of a +murderer. + +BOULGER. + +[_Savagely._] He's worse than that. He's ten times worse. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Well, for heaven's sake be polite to him if he comes to-night. + +CARBERY. + +I really couldn't bring myself to shake hands with him. + +DICK. + +[_Dryly._] Don't you think you'd better wait for evidence before you +condemn him? + +BOULGER. + +My dear fellow, the letter in the _Times_ is absolutely damning. +Interviewers went to him from the evening papers, and he refused to see +them. + +DICK. + +What does Lucy say of it? After all, she's the person most concerned. + +LADY KELSEY. + +She doesn't know. I took care that she shouldn't see the paper. I wanted +to give her this evening's enjoyment unalloyed. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Take care, here she is. + +[LUCY _comes in_. + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Smiling and reaching out her hand._] Well, darling? + +LUCY. + +[_Going to_ LADY KELSEY.] Are you growing very tired, my aunt? + +LADY KELSEY. + +I can rest myself for the time. I don't think any one else will come +now. + +LUCY. + +[_Gaily._] You faithless woman, have you forgotten the guest of the +evening? + +LADY KELSEY. + +Mr. Mackenzie? + +LUCY. + +[_Bending over her._] My dear, it was charming of you to hide the paper +from me this morning.... + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Startled._] Did you see the letter? I so wanted you not to till +to-morrow. + +LUCY. + +Mr. Mackenzie very rightly thought I should know at once what was said +about him and my brother. He sent me the paper himself this evening. + +BOULGER. + +Did he write to you? + +LUCY. + +No, he merely scribbled on a card: "I think you should read this." + +BOULGER. + +Well, I'm damned! + +LADY KELSEY. + +What did you think of the letter, Lucy? + +LUCY. + +[_Proudly._] I didn't believe it. + +BOULGER. + +[_Bitterly._] You must be blinded by your--friendship for Alec +Mackenzie. I never read anything more convincing. + +LUCY. + +I could hardly believe him guilty of such an odious crime if he +confessed it with his own lips. + +BOULGER. + +Of course, he won't do that. + +DICK. + +Did I ever tell you how I made acquaintance with Alec? In the +Atlantic--about three hundred miles from land. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What a perfectly ridiculous place for an introduction. + +DICK. + +I was a silly young fool in those days, and I habitually played the +giddy goat. In the course of which, I fell overboard and was proceeding +to drown when Alec jumped in after me. It was an incautious thing to do, +because he very nearly got drowned himself. + +LUCY. + +That's not the only heroic thing he's done. + +DICK. + +No, it's one of his hobbies to risk his life to save unnecessary and +useless people. But the funny thing is that ever since he saved mine, +he's been quite absurdly grateful. He seems to think I did him an +intentional service and fell into the water on purpose to give him a +chance of pulling me out. + +LUCY. + +[_With a long look at_ DICK.] It's very kind and good of you to have +told that story. + +[_The_ BUTLER _comes in and announces_ ALEC MACKENZIE. + +BUTLER. + +Mr. Mackenzie. + +ALEC. + +[_Blandly._] Ah, I thought I should find you here, Lady Kelsey. + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Shaking hands with him._] How d'you do? We've just been talking of +you. + +ALEC. + +Really? + +LADY KELSEY. + +It's so late, we were afraid you wouldn't come. I should have been +dreadfully disappointed. + +ALEC. + +It's very kind of you to say so. I've been at the Travellers', reading +various appreciations of my own character. + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Somewhat embarrassed._] Oh, I heard there was something about you in +the papers. + +ALEC. + +There's a good deal. I really had no idea the world was so interested in +me. + +LADY KELSEY. + +It's charming of you to come to-night. I'm sure you hate dances! + +ALEC. + +Oh, no, they interest me enormously. I remember, one of the Kings of +Uganda gave a dance in my honour. Ten thousand warriors in war-paint. I +assure you it was most impressive. + +DICK. + +My dear fellow, if paint is the attraction you really need not go much +farther than Mayfair. + +ALEC. + +[_Pretending for the first time to notice_ BOULGER.] Ah, there's my +little friend Bobbie. I thought you had a headache? + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Quickly._] I'm afraid Bobby is dreadfully dissipated. He's not looking +at all well. + +ALEC. + +[_Good-humouredly._] You shouldn't keep such late hours, Bobbie. At your +age one wants one's beauty sleep. + +BOULGER. + +It's very kind of you to take an interest in me. My headache has passed +off. + +ALEC. + +I'm very glad. What do you use--Phenacetin? + +BOULGER. + +It went away of its own accord--after dinner. + +ALEC. + +[_Smiling._] So you resolved to give the girls a treat by coming to Lady +Kelsey's dance? How nice of you not to disappoint them! [_He turns to_ +LUCY _and holds out his hand. They look into one another's eyes. She +takes his hand._] I sent you a paper this evening. + +LUCY. + +It was very good of you. + +[CARBERY _comes forward and offers his arm._ + +CARBERY. + +I think this is my dance, Miss Allerton. May I take you in? + +ALEC. + +Carbery? I saw you in Piccadilly just now! You were darting about just +like a young gazelle. I had no idea you could be so active. + +CARBERY. + +I didn't see you. + +ALEC. + +I observed that you were deeply interested in the shop windows as I +passed. How are you? + +[_He holds out his hand, and for a moment_ CARBERY _hesitates to take +it. But_ ALEC'S _steady gaze compels him._ + +CARBERY. + +How d'you do? + +ALEC. + +[_With an amused smile._] So glad to see you again, old man. + +[DICK _gives an audible chuckle, and_ CARBERY, _reddening, draws his +hand away angrily. He goes to_ LUCY _and offers his arm._ + +BOULGER. + +[_To_ MRS. CROWLEY.] Shall I take you back? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Do! + +LADY KESLEY. + +Won't you come, Mr. Mackenzie? + +ALEC. + +If you don't mind I'll stay and smoke just one cigarette with Dick +Lomas. You know I'm not a dancing man. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Very well. + +[_All go out except_ ALEC _and_ DICK. + +DICK. + +I suppose you know we were all beseeching Providence you'd have the +grace to stay away to-night? + +ALEC. + +[_With a smile._] I suspected it, I confess. I shouldn't have come only +I wanted to see Lucy. I've been in the country all day, and I knew +nothing about Macinnery's letter till I saw the placards at the station. + +DICK. + +Macinnery proposes to make things rather uncomfortable, I imagine. + +ALEC. + +[_With a smile._] I made a mistake, didn't I? I ought to have dropped +him in the river when I had no further use for him. + +DICK. + +What are you going to do? + +ALEC. + +It's not easy to clear myself at a dead man's expense. The earth covers +his crime and his sins and his weakness. + +DICK. + +D'you mean to say that you are going to sit still and let them throw mud +at you? + +ALEC. + +When George was dead I wrote to Lucy that he died like a brave man. I +can't now publish to the whole world that he was a coward and a rogue. I +can't rake up again the story of her father's crime. + +DICK. + +[_Impatiently._] Surely, that's absolutely quixotic. + +ALEC. + +No, it isn't. I tell you I can't do anything else. I'm bound hand and +foot. Lucy has talked to me of George's death, and the only thing that +has consoled her is the idea that in a manner he had redeemed his +father's good name. How can I rob her of that? She placed all her hopes +in George. How could she face the world with the knowledge that her +brother was rotten to the core, as rotten as her father. + +DICK. + +It seems awfully hard. + +ALEC. + +Besides, when all is said and done, the boy did die game. Don't you +think that should count for something? No, I tell you I can't give him +away now. I should never cease to reproach myself. I love Lucy far too +much to cause her such bitter pain. + +DICK. + +And if it loses you her love? + +ALEC. + +I think she can do without love better than without self-respect. + +[LUCY _comes in with_ MRS. CROWLEY. + +LUCY. + +I've sent my partner away. I felt I must have a few words alone with +you. + +DICK. + +Shall I take Mrs. Crowley into a retired corner? + +LUCY. + +No, we have nothing to say that you can't hear. You and Nellie know that +we're engaged to be married. [_To_ ALEC.] I want you to dance with me. + +ALEC. + +It's very good of you. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Don't you think that's rather foolish, Lucy? + +LUCY. + +[_To_ ALEC.] I want to show them all that I don't believe that you're +guilty of an odious crime. + +ALEC. + +They've said horrible things about me? + +LUCY. + +Not to me. They wanted to hide it from me, but I knew they were talking. + +ALEC. + +You'll grow used to hearing shameful things said of me. I suppose I +shall grow used to it, too. + +LUCY. + +Oh, I hate them. + +ALEC. + +Ah, it's not that I mind. What torments me is that it was so easy to +despise their praise, and now I can't despise their blame. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Smiling._] I believe you have some glimmerings of human nature in you +after all. + +LUCY. + +When you came to-night, so calm and self-possessed, I admired you as I'd +never admired you before. + +ALEC. + +It's easy enough to command one's face. I learnt to do that in Africa +when often my life depended on my seeming to have no fear. But in my +heart ... I never knew that I could feel so bitter. And yet, after all, +it's only your good opinion that I care for. + +LUCY. + +I've trusted you implicitly from the first day I saw you. + +ALEC. + +Thank God for that! To-day is the first time I've wanted to be assured +that I was trusted. And yet I'm ashamed to want it. + +LUCY. + +Ah, don't be too hard upon yourself. You're so afraid of letting your +tenderness appear. + +ALEC. + +The only way to be strong is never to surrender to one's weakness. +Strength is merely a habit like everything else. I want you to be +strong, too. I want you never to doubt me whatever you may hear said. + +LUCY. + +I gave my brother into your hands, and told you that if he died a brave +man's death I could ask for no more. + +ALEC. + +I should tell you that I've made up my mind to make no answer to the +charges that are made against me. + +[_There is a very short pause, while he looks at her steadily._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But why? + +ALEC. + +[_To_ LUCY.] I can give you my word of honour that I've done nothing +which I regret. I know that what I did was right with regard to George, +and if it were all to come again I would do exactly as I did before. + +LUCY. + +I think I can trust you. + +ALEC. + +I thought of you always, and everything I did was for your sake. Every +single act of mine during these four years in Africa has been done +because I loved you. + +LUCY. + +You must love me always, Alec, for now I have only you. [_He bends down +and kisses her hand._] Come! + +[_He gives her his arm and they walk out._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I feel as if I should rather like to cry. + +DICK. + +Do you really? So do I. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Don't be so silly. + +DICK. + +By the way, you don't want to dance with me, do you? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Certainly not. You dance abominably. + +DICK. + +It's charming of you to say so. It puts me at my ease at once. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Come and sit on the sofa and talk seriously. + +DICK. + +Ah, you want to flirt with me, Mrs. Crowley. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Good heavens, what on earth makes you think that? + +DICK. + +It's what a woman always means when she asks you to talk sensibly. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I can't bear a man who thinks women are in love with him. + +DICK. + +Bless you, I don't think that. I only think they want to marry me. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +That's equally detestable. + +DICK. + +Not at all. However old, ugly, and generally undesirable a man is, +he'll find a heap of charming girls who are willing to marry him. +Marriage is still the only decent means of livelihood for a really nice +girl. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But, my dear friend, if a woman really makes up her mind to marry a man, +nothing on earth can save him. + +DICK. + +Don't say that, you terrify me. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You need not be in the least alarmed, because I shall refuse you. + +DICK. + +Thanks, awfully. But all the same I don't think I'll risk a proposal. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +My dear Mr. Lomas, your only safety is in immediate flight. + +DICK. + +Why? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It must be obvious to the meanest intelligence that you've been on the +verge of proposing to me for the last month. + +DICK. + +Oh, I assure you, you're quite mistaken. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then I shan't come to the play with you to-morrow? + +DICK. + +But I've taken the seats, and I've ordered an exquisite dinner at the +Carlton. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What have you ordered? + +DICK. + + Potage Bisque... [_She makes a little face._] + Sole Normande... [_She shrugs her shoulders._] + Wild Duck. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +With an orange salad? + +DICK. + +Yes. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I don't positively dislike that. + +DICK. + +And I've ordered a soufflé with an ice in the middle of it. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I shan't come. + +DICK. + +I shouldn't have thought you kept very well abreast of dramatic art if +you insist on marrying every man who takes you to a theatre. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Demurely._] I was very nicely brought up. + +DICK. + +Of course, if you're going to make yourself systematically disagreeable +unless I marry you, I suppose I shall have to do it in self-defence. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I don't know if you have the least idea what you're talking about. I'm +sure I haven't! + +DICK. + +I was merely asking you in a rather well-turned phrase to name the day. +The lamb shall be ready for the slaughter! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Couldn't you infuse a little romance into it? You might begin by going +down on your bended knees. + +DICK. + +I assure you that's quite out of fashion. Lovers, nowadays, are much too +middle-aged, and their joints are creaky. Besides, it ruins the +trousers. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +At all events, there can be no excuse for your not saying that you know +you're utterly unworthy of me. + +DICK. + +Wild horses wouldn't induce me to make a statement which is so remote +from the truth. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +And, of course, you must threaten to commit suicide if I don't consent. + +DICK. + +Women are such sticklers for routine. They have no originality. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Very well, have it your own way. But I must have a proposal in due form. + +DICK. + +Only four words are needed. [_Counting them on his fingers._] Will you +marry me? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +That is both clear and simple. I reply in one: No! + +DICK. + +[_As though he were not sure that he had heard correctly._] I beg your +pardon? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +The answer is in the negative. + +DICK. + +You're joking. You're certainly joking. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I will be a sister to you. + +DICK. + +Do you mean to say you deliberately refuse me? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Smiling._] I promised you I would. + +DICK. + +[_With much seriousness._] I thank you from the bottom of my heart. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Puzzled._] The man's mad. The man's nothing short of a raving lunatic. + +DICK. + +I wanted to see if you were really attached to me. You have given me a +proof of esteem which I promise you I will never forget. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Laughing._] You're a perfect idiot, Mr. Lomas! + +DICK. + +It's one of my cherished convictions that a really nice woman is never +so cruel as to marry a man she cares for. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You're much too flippant to marry anybody, and you're perfectly odious +into the bargain. + +[_She goes out._ DICK, _chuckling, lights a cigarette_. ALEC _comes in +and lies down lazily on the sofa_. + +ALEC. + +Why, Dick, what's the matter? You look as pleased as Punch. + +DICK. + +My dear fellow, I feel like the Terrible Turk. I've been wrestling, and +I thought I was going to have a fall. But by the display of considerable +agility I've managed to keep my legs. + +ALEC. + +What _do_ you mean? + +DICK. + +Nothing. It's merely the gaiety of forty-two. + +[BOULGER _comes into the room, followed immediately by_ MALLINS _and_ +CARBERY. _He starts slightly when he sees_ ALEC, _but then goes over to +the table on which is the whiskey_. + +MALLINS. + +May we smoke here, Bobby? + +BOULGER. + +Certainly. Dick insisted that this room should be particularly reserved +for that purpose. + +[_The_ BUTLER _comes in with a small silver salver, and takes up one or +two dirty glasses_. + +DICK. + +Lady Kelsey is the most admirable of all hostesses. + +ALEC. + +[_Taking a cigarette from his case._] Give me a match, Bobby, there's a +good boy. [BOULGER, _with his back turned to_ ALEC, _takes no notice. He +pours himself out some whiskey._ ALEC _smiles slightly._] Bobby, throw +me over the matches! + +BOULGER. + +[_With his back still turned._] Miller! + +BUTLER. + +Yes, sir? + +BOULGER. + +Mr. Mackenzie is asking for something. + +BUTLER. + +Yes, sir! + +ALEC. + +You might give me a light, will you? + +BUTLER. + +Yes, sir! + +[_The_ BUTLER _takes the matches to_ ALEC, _who lights his cigarette._ + +ALEC. + +Thank you. [_Complete silence is preserved till the_ BUTLER _leaves the +room._] I perceive, Bobbie, that during my absence you have not added +good manners to your other accomplishments. + +BOULGER. + +If you want things, you can ask the servants for them. + +ALEC. + +[_Good-humouredly._] Don't be foolish, Bobbie! + +BOULGER. + +Would you be so kind as to remember that my name is Boulger? + +ALEC. + +[_Smiling._] Perhaps you would like me to call you Sir Robert? + +BOULGER. + +I should prefer that you would call me nothing at all. I have absolutely +no wish to know you. + +ALEC. + +Which shows that your taste is as bad as your breeding. + +BOULGER. + +[_Angrily, walking up to him._] By God, I'll knock you down! + +ALEC. + +You could hardly do that when I'm already lying on my back. + +BOULGER. + +Look here, Mackenzie, I'm not going to let you play the fool with me. I +want to know what answer you have to make to all these charges that +have been brought against you. + +ALEC. + +Might I suggest that only Miss Allerton has the least right to receive +answers to her questions? And she hasn't questioned me. + +BOULGER. + +I've given up trying to understand her attitude. If I were she, it would +make me sick with horror to look at you. Since this morning you've +rested under a direct accusation of causing George's death, and you've +said nothing in self-defence. + +ALEC. + +Nothing. + +BOULGER. + +You've been given an opportunity to explain yourself, and you haven't +taken it. + +ALEC. + +Quite true. + +BOULGER. + +Are you not going to deny the charge? + +ALEC. + +I'm not. + +BOULGER. + +Then I can only draw one conclusion. There appears to be no means of +bringing you to justice, but at least I can refuse to know you. + +ALEC. + +All is over between us. And shall I return your letters and your +photograph? + +BOULGER. + +I'm not joking. + +ALEC. + +It's singular that though I'm Scotch and you are English I should be +able to see how ridiculous you are, while you're quite blind to your own +absurdity. + +DICK. + +Come, Alec! Remember he's only a boy. + +BOULGER. + +[_To_ DICK LOMAS.] I'm perfectly able to look after myself, and I'll +thank you not to interfere. [_To_ ALEC.] If Lucy's so indifferent to her +brother's death that she's willing to keep up with you, that's her own +affair ... + +DICK. + +[_Interrupting._] Come, Bobbie, don't make a scene. + +BOULGER. + +[_Furiously._] Leave me alone, confound you! + +ALEC. + +Do you think this is quite the place for an altercation? Wouldn't you +gain more notoriety if you attacked me in my club or at Church parade on +Sunday? + +BOULGER. + +It's mere shameless impudence that you should come here to-night. You're +using these wretched women as a shield, because you know that as long as +Lucy sticks to you there are people who won't believe the story. + +ALEC. + +I came for the same reason as yourself, dear boy. Because I was invited. + +DICK. + +Now then, Bobbie, shut up! + +BOULGER. + +I shan't shut up. The man's got no right to force himself here. + +DICK. + +Remember that you're Lady Kelsey's nephew. + +BOULGER. + +I didn't ask him. D'you think I'd have come if I knew he was going to be +here? He's acknowledged that he has no defence. + +ALEC. + +Pardon me, I acknowledge nothing and deny nothing. + +BOULGER. + +That won't do for me. I want the truth, and I'm going to get it. I've +got a right to know. + +ALEC. + +[_Beginning to lose his temper._] Don't make an ass of yourself, Bobby. + +BOULGER. + +By God, I'll make you answer! + +[_As he says this he goes up to_ ALEC _furiously, but_ ALEC. _with a +twist of his arm, hurls him back._ + +ALEC. + +I could break your back, you silly boy. + +[_With a cry of anger_ BOULGER _is about to spring at_ ALEC _when_ DICK +_gets in the way._ + +DICK. + +Now then, no scenes. And you'll only get the worst of it, Bobby. Alec +could just crumple you up. Take him away, Mallins. Don't stand there +like a stuffed owl, Carbery. + +BOULGER. + +Let me alone, you fool! + +MALLINS. + +Come along, old chap. + +BOULGER. + +[_To_ ALEC.] You damned skunk! + +DICK. + +Now then, be off with you. Don't make a silly ass of yourself. + +[BOULGER, MALLINS _and_ CARBERY _go out._ + +DICK. + +Poor Lady Kelsey! To-morrow half London will be saying that you and +Bobby had a stand-up fight in her drawing-room. + +ALEC. + +[_Furiously._] The damned cubs! + +DICK. + +The position is growing confoundedly awkward! + +ALEC. + +They lick my boots till I loathe them, and then they turn against me +like a pack of curs. Oh, I despise them--these silly boys who stay at +home wallowing in their ease while men work. Thank God, I've done with +them all now. They think one can fight one's way through Africa as +easily as one walks down Piccadilly. They think one goes through +hardships and dangers, illness and starvation, to be the lion of a +dinner-party in Mayfair. + +DICK. + +My dear Alec, keep calm. + +ALEC. + +[_With a visible effort containing himself completely, with studied +nonchalance._] D'you think that I look wildly excited? + +DICK. + +[_Ironically._] I don't think butter would melt in your mouth. + +[DICK _and_ ALEC _go out into the garden. In a moment_ BOULGER _comes in +with_ LADY KELSEY. + +BOULGER. + +Thank heaven, there's nobody here. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I think you're dreadfully foolish, Bobby. You know how Lucy resents any +interference with her actions. + +BOULGER. + +Won't you sit down? You must be dreadfully tired. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Why won't you wait till to-morrow? + +BOULGER. + +I feel that it ought to be settled at once. + +[LUCY _appears_. + +LUCY. + +Did you send for me, my aunt? Mr. Carbery said you wanted to speak to me +here. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Yes, I gave him that message. + +BOULGER. + +I asked Aunt Alice to beg you to come here. I was afraid you wouldn't if +I asked you. + +LUCY. + +[_Lightly._] What nonsense! I'm always delighted to see you. + +BOULGER. + +I wanted to speak to you about something, and I thought Aunt Alice +should be present. + +LUCY. + +Is it so important that it can't wait till to-morrow? + +BOULGER. + +I venture to think it's very important. + +LUCY. + +[_Smiling._] I'm all attention. + +[_He hesitates for a moment, then braces himself to the ordeal._ + +BOULGER. + +I've told you often, Lucy, that I've been in love with you for as many +years as I can remember. + +LUCY. + +Surely you've not snatched me from the unwilling arm of my partner in +order to make me a proposal of marriage? + +BOULGER. + +I'm perfectly serious, Lucy. + +LUCY. + +[_Smiling._] I assure you it doesn't suit you at all. + +BOULGER. + +The other day I asked you again to marry me, just before Alec Mackenzie +came back. + +LUCY. + +It was very charming of you. You mustn't think that because I laugh at +you a little I'm not grateful for your affection. + +BOULGER. + +Except for that letter in this morning's _Times_, I should never have +dared to say anything to you again. But that changes everything. + +LUCY. + +I don't understand what you mean. + +BOULGER. + +[_After a little pause._] I ask you again if you'll be my wife? When +Alec Mackenzie came back I understood why you were so indifferent to me, +but you can't marry him now. + +LUCY. + +You have no right to talk to me like this. + +BOULGER. + +I'm the only man who's related to you at all, and I love you with my +whole soul. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I think you should listen to him, Lucy. I'm growing old, and soon you'll +be quite alone in the world. + +BOULGER. + +I don't ask you to care for me. I only want to serve you. + +LUCY. + +I can only repeat that I'm very grateful to you. I can never marry you. + +BOULGER. + +[_Beginning to lose his temper again._] Are you going to continue to +know Mackenzie? If you'll take the advice of any unprejudiced person +about that letter, you'll find that he'll say the same as I. There can +be no shadow of doubt that Mackenzie is guilty of a monstrous crime. + +LUCY. + +I don't care what the evidence is. I know he can't have done a shameful +thing. + +BOULGER. + +But have you forgotten that it's your own brother he killed? The whole +country is up in arms against him, and you are quite indifferent. + +LUCY. + +[_Much moved._] Oh, Bobbie, how can you be so cruel? + +BOULGER. + +If you ever really cared for George at all, you must wish to punish the +man who caused his death. + +LUCY. + +Oh, why d'you torment me? I tell you that he isn't guilty. It's because +I'm convinced of that ... + +BOULGER. + +[_Interrupting._] But have you asked him? + +LUCY. + +No. + +BOULGER. + +He might give you the truth. + +LUCY. + +I couldn't do that. + +BOULGER. + +Why not? + +LADY KELSEY. + +It's very strange that he should insist on this silence. + +LUCY. + +Do you believe that story too? + +LADY KELSEY. + +I don't know what to believe. It's so extraordinary. If the man's +innocent, why doesn't he speak? + +LUCY. + +He knows I trust him. I couldn't cause him the great pain of asking him +questions. + +BOULGER. + +Are you afraid he couldn't answer them? + +LUCY. + +No, no, no! + +BOULGER. + +Well, just try. After all, you owe as much as that to the memory of +George. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I think it's very unreasonable, Lucy. He knows we're his friends. He can +count on our discretion. + +LUCY. + +I believe in him implicitly. I believe in him with all the strength I've +got. + +BOULGER. + +Then, surely it can make no difference if you ask him. There can be no +reason for him not to trust you. + +LUCY. + +Oh, why don't you leave me alone? + +BOULGER. + +Ask him point blank. If he refuses to answer you ... + +LUCY. + +[_Hastily._] It would mean nothing. Why should he answer? I believe in +him absolutely. I think he's the greatest and most honourable man I've +ever known. I care more for his little finger than for the whole world. +I love him with all my heart. And that's why he can't be guilty of this +horrible crime. Because I've loved him for years, and he's known it. And +he loves me. And he's loved me always. + +[ALEC _and_ DICK _stroll in from the garden_. + +LUCY. + +Alec, Alec, I want you! Thank God, you've come! + +ALEC. + +[_Going to her quickly._] What is it? + +LUCY. + +Alec, you must tell them now about you and me. + +[ALEC _looks at_ LUCY _for a moment_, _and then turns to_ LADY KELSEY. + +ALEC. + +I think perhaps we ought to have told you before, Lady Kelsey. But we +wanted to enjoy our little secret by ourselves. + +LADY KELSEY. + +I'm afraid to understand. + +ALEC. + +I have asked Lucy to be my wife, and she.... + +LUCY. + +[_Interrupting him._] She said she would be honoured and deeply +grateful. + +LADY KELSEY. + +[_Greatly embarrassed._] I hardly know what to say.... How long have you +been engaged? + +LUCY. + +Won't you tell me you're pleased, my aunt? I know you want me to be +happy. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Of course, I want you to be happy. But I--I.... + + [BOULGER _turns on his heel and walks out_. + +DICK. + +[_Offering his arm to_ LADY KELSEY.] Wouldn't you like to go back to the +drawing-room? + + [_She allows herself to be led away, helplessly._ + ALEC _and_ LUCY _are left alone_. + +ALEC. + +[_With a smile._] I don't think our announcement has been received with +enthusiasm. + +LUCY. + +You're not angry with me, ALEC? + +ALEC. + +Of course not. Everything you do is right and charming. + +LUCY. + +I shall really think I'm a wonderful person if I've taught you to pay +compliments. + +ALEC. + +I'm so glad to be alone with you. Now, at all events, people will have +the sense to leave us by ourselves. + +LUCY. + +[_Passionately._] I want your love. I want your love so badly. + +ALEC. + +[_Taking her in his arms._] My darling! + +LUCY. + +[_Clinging to him._] The moment I'm with you I feel so confident and +happy. + +ALEC. + +Only when you're with me? [LUCY _looks at him for an instant. He repeats +the question in a caressing voice._] Only when you're with me, darling? + +LUCY. + +Why d'you think I made you tell them we were engaged? + +ALEC. + +You took me by surprise. + +LUCY. + +I had to tell them. I couldn't keep it back. They made me suffer so +dreadfully. + +ALEC. + +The brutes! Tell me what they did. + +LUCY. + +Oh, they said horrible things about you. + +ALEC. + +No more than that? + +LUCY. + +It's nothing to you. But to me.... Oh, you don't know what agony I +endure. I'm such a coward! I thought I was so much braver. + +ALEC. + +I don't understand you. + +LUCY. + +I wanted to burn my ships behind me. I wanted to reassure myself. [ALEC +_makes a slight movement away from her, but she holds him back +anxiously_.] Forgive me, dear. You don't know how terrible it is. I +stand so dreadfully alone. Every one is convinced that you caused poor +George's death--every one but me. [ALEC _looks at her gravely, without +speaking_.] I try to put the thoughts out of my head, but I can't--I +can't. That letter in the _Times_ looks so dreadfully true. Don't you +see what I mean? The uncertainty is more than I can bear. At the first +moment I felt so absolutely sure of you. + +ALEC. + +And now you don't? + +LUCY. + +I trust you just as much as ever. I know it's impossible that you +should have done a shameful thing. But there it stands in black and +white, and you have nothing to say in answer. + +ALEC. + +I know it's very difficult. That is why I asked you to believe in me. + +LUCY. + +I do, Alec--with all my soul. But have mercy on me. I'm not so strong as +I thought. It's easy for you to stand alone. You're iron, but I'm a weak +woman. + +ALEC. + +Oh, no, you're not like other women. I was proud of your unconquerable +spirit. + +LUCY. + +It was easy to be brave where my father was concerned, and George, but +you're the man I love, and it's so different. I don't know any more how +to stand alone. + + [ALEC _looks at her, thinking, but does not reply + for a moment_. + +ALEC. + +Do you remember that only an hour ago I told you that I'd done nothing +which I wouldn't do again? I gave you my word of honour that I could +reproach myself for nothing. + +LUCY. + +Oh, I know. I'm so utterly ashamed of myself. But I can't bear the +doubt. + +ALEC. + +Doubt! You've said the word at last. + +LUCY. + +I tell every one that I don't believe a word of these horrible charges, +and I repeat to myself: I'm certain, I'm certain that he's innocent. And +yet at the bottom of my heart there's a doubt, and I can't crush it. + +ALEC. + +Is that why you told them we were engaged to be married? + +LUCY. + +I wanted to kill that gnawing pain of suspicion. I thought if I stood up +before them and cried out that my trust in you was so great, I was +willing to marry you notwithstanding everything, I should at least have +peace in my own heart. + + [ALEC _walks up and down. Then he stops in + front of_ LUCY. + +ALEC. + +What is it precisely you want me to do? + +LUCY. + +I want you to have mercy on me because I love you. Don't tell the world +if you choose not to, but tell me the truth. I know you're incapable of +lying. If I only have it from your own lips I shall believe, I want to +be certain, certain! + +ALEC. + +Don't you realise that I would never have asked you to marry me if my +conscience hadn't been quite clear? Don't you realise that the reasons I +have for holding my tongue must be of overwhelming strength? + +LUCY. + +But I am going to be your wife, and I love you, and you love me. + +ALEC. + +I implore you not to insist, Lucy. Let us remember only that the past is +gone and we love one another. It's impossible for me to tell you +anything. + +LUCY. + +Oh, but you must now. If any part of the story is true, you must give me +a chance of judging for myself. + +ALEC. + +I'm very sorry, I can't. + +LUCY. + +But you'll kill my love for you. The doubt which lurked at the bottom of +my soul now fills me. How can you let me suffer such maddening torture? + +ALEC. + +I thought you trusted me. + +LUCY. + +I'll be satisfied if you'll only tell me one thing: only tell me that +when you sent George on that expedition you didn't know that he'd be +killed. [ALEC _looks at her steadily_.] Only say that, Alec. Say that's +not true, and I'll believe you. + +ALEC. + +[_Very quietly._] But it is true. + + [LUCY _does not answer, but stares at him with + terrified eyes_. + +LUCY. + +Oh, I don't understand. Oh, my dearest, don't treat me as a child. Have +mercy on me! You must be serious now. It's a matter of life and death to +both of us. + +ALEC. + +I'm perfectly serious. + +LUCY. + +You knew that you were sending George into a death-trap? You knew he +couldn't escape alive? + +ALEC. + +Except by a miracle. + +LUCY. + +And you don't believe in miracles? + +ALEC. + +No. + +LUCY. + +Oh, it can't be true. Oh, Alec, Alec, Alec! Oh, what shall I do? + +ALEC. + +I tell you that whatever I did was inevitable. + +LUCY. + +Then if that's true, the rest must be true also. Oh, it's awful. I can't +realise it. Haven't you anything to say at all? + +ALEC. + +[_In a low voice._] Only that I've loved you always with all my soul. + +LUCY. + +You knew how much I loved my brother. You knew how much it meant to me +that he should live to wipe out my father's dishonour. All the future +was centred on him, and you sacrificed him. + +ALEC. + +[_Hesitatingly._] I think I might tell you this. He had committed a +grave error of judgment. We were entrapped by the Arabs, and our only +chance of escape entailed the almost certain death of one of us. + + [_An inkling of the truth seizes_ LUCY, _and her + face is suddenly distorted with horror. She + goes up to him impulsively. Her voice + trembles with emotion._ + +LUCY. + +Alec, Alec, he didn't do something--unworthy? You're not trying to +shield him? + +ALEC. + +[_Hoarsely._] No, no, no! + +LUCY. + +[_With a gasp of relief, almost to herself._] Thank God! I couldn't have +borne that. [_To_ ALEC, _hopelessly_.] Then I don't understand. + +ALEC. + +It was not unjust that he should suffer for the catastrophe which he had +brought about. + +LUCY. + +At those times one doesn't think of justice. He was so young, so frank. +Wouldn't it have been nobler to give your life for his? + +ALEC. + +Oh, my dear, you don't know how easy it is to give one's life. How +little you know me! Do you think I should have hesitated if my death had +been sufficient to solve the difficulty? I had my work to do. I was +bound by solemn treaties to the surrounding tribes. It would have been +cowardly for me to die. I tell you, my death would have meant the awful +death of every man in my party. + +LUCY. + +I can only see one thing, that you took George, George of all others. + +ALEC. + +I knew at the time that what I did might cost me your love, and though +you won't believe this, I did it for your sake. + + [_At this moment_ MRS. CROWLEY _enters with_ + SIR ROBERT BOULGER. _She has a cloak on._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I was just coming to say good-night. Bobby is going to drive me home. +[_She suddenly notices_ LUCY'S _agitation_.] What on earth's the matter? + + [LADY KELSEY _and_ DICK LOMAS _come in_. LADY + KELSEY _looks at_ LUCY _and then goes up to + her impulsively_. + +LADY KELSEY. + +Lucy, Lucy! + +LUCY. + +[_Brokenly._] I'm no longer engaged to Mr. Mackenzie. He can't deny that +what is said about him is true. + + [_They look at him in astonishment, but he makes + no movement._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_To_ ALEC.] Haven't you anything to say at all? You must have some +explanation to offer? + +ALEC. + +No, I have none whatever. + +DICK. + +Alec, old man, have you realised all that this means? + +ALEC. + +Quite. I see now that it was inevitable. + +LUCY. + +[_With a sudden burst of furious anger._] You killed him! You killed him +as surely as if you'd strangled him with your own hands. + + [ROBERT BOULGER _goes to the door and flings + it open_. ALEC _gives_ LUCY _a look, then + slightly shrugs his shoulders. He walks + out without a word. The moment he has + gone_ LUCY _sinks down and bursts into + passionate tears_. + + +END OF THE THIRD ACT. + + + + +THE FOURTH ACT + + + SCENE.--_A library in the house of_ DICK LOMAS _in Portman Square_. + + DICK _and his_ VALET. DICK _is putting flowers into a vase_. + + +DICK. + +Has Mr. Mackenzie come in? + +CHARLES. + +Yes, sir. He's gone to his room. + +DICK. + +I expect Mrs. Crowley and Miss Allerton to tea. If any one else comes +I'm not at home. + +CHARLES. + +Very well, sir. + +DICK. + +And if a caller should ask at what time I'm expected back, you haven't +the least idea. + +CHARLES. + +Very well, sir. + +DICK. + +We shall want breakfast at eight to-morrow. I'm going down to +Southampton to see Mr. Mackenzie off. But I shall be home to dinner. How +about those cases in the hall? + +CHARLES. + +Mr. Mackenzie said they were to be sent for this afternoon. They're only +labelled Zanzibar. Is that sufficient, sir? + +DICK. + +Oh, I suppose so. Mr. Mackenzie will have given the shippers all +directions. You'd better bring the tea at once. Mrs. Crowley is coming +at four. + +CHARLES. + +Very well, sir. + + [_He goes out._ DICK _continues to arrange the + flowers, than goes to the window and looks + out. He comes back. The door is opened by_ + CHARLES, _who announces_ MRS. CROWLEY. + +CHARLES. + +Mrs. Crowley. + +DICK. + +[_Going towards her eagerly and taking both her hands._] Best of women! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You seem quite glad to see me? + +DICK. + +I am. But where is Lucy? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +She's coming later.... I don't know why you should squeeze my hands in +this pointed manner. + +DICK. + +What an age it is since I saw you! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +If you bury yourself in Scotland all the summer, you can't expect to see +people who go to Homburg and the Italian lakes. + +DICK. + +Heavens, how you cultivate respectability! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It's a sensitive plant whose vagaries one has to humour. + +DICK. + +Aren't you delighted to be back in town? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +London's the most charming place in the world to get away from and to +come back to. Now tell me all you've been doing, if I can hear it +without blushing too furiously. + +DICK. + +My behaviour would have done credit to a clergyman's only daughter. I +dragged Alec off to Scotland after that horrible scene at Lady Kelsey's, +and we played golf. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Was he very wretched, poor thing? + +DICK. + +He didn't say a word. I wanted to comfort him, but he never gave me a +chance. He never mentioned Lucy's name. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Did he seem unhappy? + +DICK. + +No. He was just the same as ever, impassive and collected. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Really he's inhuman. + +DICK. + +He's an anomaly in this juvenile century. He's an ancient Roman who buys +his clothes in Savile Row. An eagle caged with a colony of canaries. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then he's very much in the way in England, and it's much better for him +that he should go back to Africa. + +DICK. + +This time to-morrow he'll be half-way down the channel. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I'm really beginning to think you're a perfect angel, Mr. Lomas. + +DICK. + +Don't say that, it makes me feel so middle-aged. I'd much sooner be a +young sinner than an elderly cherub. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It was sweet of you to look after him through the summer and then insist +on his staying here till he went away. How long is he going for this +time? + +DICK. + +Heaven knows! Perhaps for ever. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Have you told him that Lucy is coming? + +DICK. + +No. I thought that was a pleasing piece of information which I'd leave +you to impart. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Thanks! + +DICK. + +She's only coming to indulge a truly feminine passion for making scenes, +and she's made Alec quite wretched enough already. Why doesn't she marry +Robert Boulger? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Why should she? + +DICK. + +Half the women I know merely married their husbands to spite somebody +else. It appears to be one of the commonest causes of matrimony. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_With a quizzical look at him._] Talking of which, what are you going +to do when Mr. Mackenzie is gone? + +DICK. + +Talking of the weather and the crops, I propose to go to Spain. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Opening her eyes wide._] How very extraordinary! I thought of going +there, too. + +DICK. + +Then, without a moment's hesitation, I shall go to Norway. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It'll be dreadfully cold. + +DICK. + +Dreadfully. But I shall be supported by the consciousness of having done +my duty. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You don't think there would be room for both of us in Spain? + +DICK. + +I'm convinced there wouldn't. We should always be running against one +another, and you'd insist on my looking out all your trains in +Bradshaw. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I hope you remember that you asked me to tea to-day? + +DICK. + +Pardon me, you asked yourself. I keep the letter next to my heart and +put it under my pillow every night. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You fibber! Besides, if I did, it was only on Lucy's account. + +DICK. + +That, I venture to think, is neither polite nor accurate. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I don't think I should so utterly detest you, if you hadn't such a good +opinion of yourself. + +DICK. + +You forget that I vowed on the head of my maternal grandmother never to +speak to you again. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, I'm always doing that. I tell my maid that time she does my hair +badly. + +DICK. + +You trifled with the tenderest affection of an innocent and +unsophisticated old bachelor. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Is that you by any chance? + +DICK. + +Of course, it's me. D'you think I was talking of the man in the moon? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Looking at him critically._] With the light behind, you might still +pass for thirty-five. + +DICK. + +I've given up youth and its vanities. I no longer pluck out my white +hairs. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then how on earth do you occupy your leisure? + +DICK. + +For the last three months I've been laboriously piecing together the +fragments of a broken heart. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +If you hadn't been so certain that I was going to accept you, I should +never have refused. I couldn't resist the temptation of saying "No" just +to see how you took it. + +DICK. + +I flatter myself that I took it very well. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You didn't. You showed an entire lack of humour. You might have known +that a nice woman doesn't marry a man the first time he asks her. It's +making oneself too cheap. It was very silly of you to go off to Scotland +as if you didn't care.... How was I to know that you meant to wait three +months before asking me again? + +DICK. + +I haven't the least intention of asking you again. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then why in heaven's name did you invite me to tea? + +DICK. + +May I respectfully remind you, first, that you invited yourself ... + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Interrupting._] You're so irrelevant. + +DICK. + +And, secondly, that an invitation to tea is not necessarily accompanied +by a proposal of marriage. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I'm afraid you're lamentably ignorant of the usages of good society. + +DICK. + +I assure you it's not done in the best circles. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_With a little pout._] I shall be very cross with you in a minute. + +DICK. + +Why? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Because you're not behaving at all prettily. + +DICK. + +D'you know what I'd do if I were you? Propose to me. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, I couldn't do anything so immodest. + +DICK. + +I have registered a vow that I will never offer my hand and heart to any +woman again. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +On the head of your maternal grandmother? + +DICK. + +Oh no, far more serious than that. On the grave of my maiden aunt, who +left me all my money. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +What will you say if I do? + +DICK. + +That depends entirely on how you do it. I may remind you, however, that +first you go down on your bended knees. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, I waived that with you. + +DICK. + +And then you confess you're unworthy of me. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Mr. Lomas, I am a widow. I am twenty-nine and extremely eligible. My +maid is a treasure. My dressmaker is charming. I am clever enough to +laugh at your jokes, and not so learned as to know where they come from. + +DICK. + +Really you're very long-winded. I said it all in four words. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +So could I if I might write it down. + +DICK. + +You must say it. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But what I'm trying to make you understand is that I don't want to marry +you a bit. You're just the sort of man who'll beat his wife regularly +every Saturday night.... You will say yes if I ask you, won't you? + +DICK. + +I've never been able to refuse a woman anything. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I have no doubt you will after six months of holy matrimony. + +DICK. + +I never saw any one make such a fuss about so insignificant a detail as +a proposal of marriage. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Dick. [_She stretches out her hands, smiling, and he takes her in his +arms._] You really are a detestable person. + +DICK. + +[_With a smile, taking a ring from his pocket._] I bought an engagement +ring yesterday on the off chance of its being useful. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Then you meant to ask me all the time? + +DICK. + +Of course I did, you silly. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Oh, I wish I had known that before. I'd have refused you again. + +DICK. + +You absurd creature. + + [_He kisses her._ + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Trying to release herself._] There's somebody coming. + +DICK. + +It's only Alec. + + [ALEC _comes in_. + +ALEC. + +Hulloa! + +DICK. + +Alec, we've made friends, Mrs. Crowley and I. + +ALEC. + +It certainly looks very much like it. + +DICK. + +The fact is, I've asked her to marry me, and she.... + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Interrupting, with a smile._] After much pressure-- + +DICK. + +Has consented. + +ALEC. + +I'm so glad. I heartily congratulate you both. I was rather unhappy at +leaving Dick, Mrs. Crowley. But now I leave him in your hands, I'm +perfectly content. He's the dearest, kindest old chap I've ever known. + +DICK. + +Shut up, Alec! Don't play the heavy father, or we shall burst into +tears. + +ALEC. + +He'll be an admirable husband because he's an admirable friend. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I know he will. And I'm only prevented from saying all I think of him +and how much I love him, by the fear that he'll become perfectly +unmanageable. + +DICK. + +Spare me these chaste blushes which mantle my youthful brow. Will you +pour out the tea ... Nellie? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Yes ... Dick. + + [_She sits down at the tea-table and_ DICK _makes + himself comfortable in an arm-chair by + her side_. + +ALEC. + +Well, I'm thankful to say that everything's packed and ready. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +I wish you'd stay for our wedding. + +DICK. + +Do. You can go just as well by the next boat. + +ALEC. + +I'm afraid that everything is settled now. I've given instructions at +Zanzibar to collect bearers, and I must arrive as quickly as I can. + +DICK. + +I wish to goodness you'd give up these horrible explorations. + +ALEC. + +But they're the very breath of my life. You don't know the exhilaration +of the daily dangers--the joy of treading where only the wild beasts +have trodden before. Oh, already I can hardly bear my impatience when I +think of the boundless country and the enchanting freedom. Here one +grows so small, so despicable, but in Africa everything is built to a +nobler standard. There a man is really a man; there one knows what are +will and strength and courage. Oh, you don't know what it is to stand on +the edge of some great plain and breathe the pure keen air after the +terrors of the forest. Then at last you know what freedom is. + +DICK. + +The boundless plain of Hyde Park is enough for me, and the aspect of +Piccadilly on a fine day in June gives me quite as many emotions as I +want. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But what will you gain by it all, now that your work in East Africa is +over, by all the dangers and the hardships? + +ALEC. + +Nothing. I want to gain nothing. Perhaps I shall discover some new +species of antelope or some unknown plant. Perhaps I shall find some new +waterway. That is all the reward I want. I love the sense of power and +mastery. What do you think I care for the tinsel rewards of kings and +peoples? + +DICK. + +I always said you were melodramatic. I never heard anything so +transpontine. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +And the end of it, what will be the end? + +ALEC. + +The end is death in some fever-stricken swamp, obscurely, worn out by +exposure and ague and starvation. And the bearers will seize my gun and +my clothes and leave me to the jackals. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Don't. It's too horrible. + +ALEC. + +Why, what does it matter? I shall die standing up. I shall go the last +journey as I have gone every other. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Without fear? + +DICK. + +For all the world like the wicked baronet: Once aboard the lugger and +the girl is mine! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Don't you want men to remember you? + +ALEC. + +Perhaps they will. Perhaps in a hundred years or so, in some flourishing +town where I discovered nothing but wilderness, they will commission a +second-rate sculptor to make a fancy statue of me. And I shall stand in +front of the Stock Exchange, a convenient perch for birds, to look +eternally upon the various shabby deeds of human kind. + + [_During this speech_ MRS. CROWLEY _makes a sign + to_ DICK, _who walks slowly away and goes + out_. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +And is that really everything? I can't help thinking that at the bottom +of your heart is something that you've never told to a living soul. + + [_He gives her a long look, and then after a + moment's thought breaks into a little smile._ + +ALEC. + +Why do you want to know so much? + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Tell me. + +ALEC. + +I daresay I shall never see you again. Perhaps it doesn't much matter +what I say to you. You'll think me very silly, but I'm afraid I'm +rather--patriotic. It's only we who live away from England who really +love it. I'm so proud of my country, and I wanted so much to do +something for it. Often in Africa I've thought of this dear England, and +longed not to die till I had done my work. Behind all the soldiers and +the statesmen whose fame is imperishable, there is a long line of men +who've built up the Empire piece by piece. Their names are forgotten, +and only students know their history, but each one of them gave a +province to his country. And I, too, have my place among them. For five +years I toiled night and day, and at the end of it was able to hand over +to the Commissioners a broad tract of land, rich and fertile. After my +death England will forget my faults and my mistakes. I care nothing for +the flouts and gibes with which she has repaid all my pain, for I have +added another fair jewel to her crown. I don't want rewards. I only want +the honour of serving this dear land of ours. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Why is it, when you're so nice really, that you do all you can to make +people think you utterly horrid? + +ALEC. + +Don't laugh at me because you've found out that at heart I'm nothing +more than a sentimental old woman. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Putting her hand on his arm._] What would you do if Lucy came here +to-day? + + [ALEC _starts, looks at her sharply, then answers + with deliberation_. + +ALEC. + +I have always lived in polite society. I should never dream of outraging +its conventions. If Miss Allerton happened to come, you may be sure I +should be scrupulously polite. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Is that all? Lucy has suffered very much. + +ALEC. + +And do you suppose I've not suffered? Because I don't whine my misery to +all and sundry, d'you think I don't care? I'm not the man to fall in and +out of love with every pretty face I meet. All my life I've kept an +ideal before my eyes. Oh, you don't know what it meant to me to fall in +love. I felt that I had lived all my life in a prison, and at last Lucy +came and took me by the hand and led me out. And for the first time I +breathed the free air of heaven. Oh God! how I've suffered for it! Why +should it have come to me? Oh, if you knew my agony and the torture! + + [_He hides his face, trying to master his emotion._ + MRS. CROWLEY _goes to him and puts her + hand on his shoulder_. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +Mr. Mackenzie. + +ALEC. + +[_Springing up._] Go away. Don't look at me. How can you stand there and +watch my weakness? Oh God, give me strength.... My love was the last +human weakness I had. It was right that I should drink that bitter cup. +And I've drunk its very dregs. I should have known that I wasn't meant +for happiness and a life of ease. I have other work to do in the world. +And now that I have overcome this last temptation, I am ready to do it. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +But haven't you any pity for yourself, haven't you any thought for Lucy? + +ALEC. + +Must I tell you, too, that everything I did was for Lucy's sake? And +still I love her with all my heart and soul.... + +DICK _comes in_. + +DICK. + +Here is Lucy! + + [CHARLES _comes in and announces_ LUCY. + +CHARLES. + +Miss Allerton! + + [_She enters, and_ DICK, _anxious that the meeting + shall not be more awkward than need be, + goes up to her very cordially_. + +DICK. + +Ah, my dear Lucy. So glad you were able to come. + +LUCY. + +[_Giving her hand to_ DICK, _but looking at_ ALEC.] How d'you do? + +ALEC. + +How d'you do? [_He forces himself to talk._] How is Lady Kelsey? + +LUCY. + +She's much better, thanks. We've been to Spa, you know, for her health. + +ALEC. + +Somebody told me you'd gone abroad. Was it you, Dick? Dick is an +admirable person, a sort of gazetteer for polite society. + +DICK. + +Won't you have some tea, Lucy? + +LUCY. + +No, thanks! + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_Trying on her side also to make conversation._] We shall miss you +dreadfully when you're gone, Mr. Mackenzie. + +DICK. + +[_Cheerfully._] Not a bit of it. + +ALEC. + +[_Smiling._] London is an excellent place for showing one of how little +importance one is in the world. One makes a certain figure, and perhaps +is tempted to think oneself of some consequence. Then one goes away, and +on returning is surprised to discover that nobody has even noticed one's +absence. + +DICK. + +You're over-modest, Alec. If you weren't, you might be a great man. +Now, I make a point of telling my friends that I'm indispensable, and +they take me at my word. + +ALEC. + +You are a leaven of flippancy in the heavy dough of British +righteousness. + +DICK. + +The wise man only takes the unimportant quite seriously. + +ALEC. + +[_With a smile._] For it is obvious that it needs more brains to do +nothing than to be a cabinet minister. + +DICK. + +You pay me a great compliment, Alec. You repeat to my very face one of +my favourite observations. + +LUCY. + +[_Almost in a whisper._] Haven't I heard you say that only the +impossible is worth doing? + +ALEC. + +Good heavens, I must have been reading the headings of a copy-book. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +[_To_ DICK.] Are you going to Southampton to see Mr. Mackenzie off? + +DICK. + +I shall hide my face on his shoulder and weep salt tears. It'll be most +affecting, because in moments of emotion I always burst into epigram. + +ALEC. + +I loathe all solemn leave-takings. I prefer to part from people with a +nod and a smile, whether I'm going for ever or for a day to Brighton. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +You're very hard. + +ALEC. + +Dick has been teaching me to take life flippantly. And I have learnt +that things are only serious if you take them seriously, and that is +desperately stupid. [_To_ LUCY.] Don't you agree with me? + +LUCY. + +No. + + [_Her tone, almost tragic, makes him pause + for an instant; but he is determined + that the conversation shall be purely conventional._ + +ALEC. + +It's so difficult to be serious without being absurd. That is the chief +power of women, that life and death are merely occasions for a change of +costume: marriage a creation in white, and the worship of God an +opportunity for a Paris bonnet. + + [MRS. CROWLEY _makes up her mind to force a + crisis, and she gets up_. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It's growing late, Dick. Won't you take me round the house? + +ALEC. + +I'm afraid my luggage has made everything very disorderly. + +MRS. CROWLEY. + +It doesn't matter. Come, Dick! + +DICK. + +[_To_ LUCY.] You don't mind if we leave you? + +LUCY. + +Oh, no. + + [MRS. CROWLEY _and_ DICK _go out. There is a + moment's silence._ + +ALEC. + +Do you know that our friend Dick has offered his hand and heart to Mrs. +Crowley this afternoon? + +LUCY. + +I hope they'll be very happy. They're very much in love with one +another. + +ALEC. + +[_Bitterly._] And is that a reason for marrying? Surely love is the +worst possible foundation for marriage. Love creates illusions, and +marriages destroy them. True lovers should never marry. + +LUCY. + +Will you open the window? It seems stifling here. + +ALEC. + +Certainly. [_From the window._] You can't think what a joy it is to look +upon London for the last time. I'm so thankful to get away. + + [LUCY _gives a little sob and_ ALEC _turns to the + window. He wants to wound her and yet + cannot bear to see her suffer._ + +ALEC. + +To-morrow at this time I shall be well started. Oh, I long for that +infinite surface of the clean and comfortable sea. + +LUCY. + +Are you very glad to go? + +ALEC. + +[_Turning to her._] I feel quite boyish at the very thought. + +LUCY. + +And is there no one you regret to leave? + +ALEC. + +You see, Dick is going to marry. When a man does that, his bachelor +friends are wise to depart gracefully before he shows them that he needs +their company no longer. I have no relations and few friends. I can't +flatter myself that any one will be much distressed at my departure. + +LUCY. + +[_In a low voice._] You must have no heart at all. + +ALEC. + +[_Icily._] If I had, I certainly should not bring it to Portman Square. +That sentimental organ would be surely out of place in such a +neighbourhood. + +LUCY. + +[_Gets up and goes to him._] Oh, why do you treat me as if we were +strangers? How can you be so cruel? + +ALEC. + +[_Gravely._] Don't you think that flippancy is the best refuge from an +uncomfortable position. We should really be much wiser merely to discuss +the weather. + +LUCY. + +[_Insisting._] Are you angry because I came? + +ALEC. + +That would be ungracious on my part. Perhaps it wasn't quite necessary +that we should meet again. + +LUCY. + +You've been acting all the time I've been here. D'you think I didn't see +it was unreal when you talked with such cynical indifference. I know you +well enough to tell when you're hiding your real self behind a mask. + +ALEC. + +If I'm doing that, the inference is obvious that I wish my real self to +be hidden. + +LUCY. + +I would rather you cursed me than treat me with such cold politeness. + +ALEC. + +I'm afraid you're rather difficult to please. + + [LUCY _goes up to him passionately, but he draws + back so that she may not touch him_. + +LUCY. + +Oh, you're of iron. Alec, Alec, I couldn't let you go without seeing you +once more. Even you would be satisfied if you knew what bitter anguish +I've suffered. Even you would pity me. I don't want you to think too +badly of me. + +ALEC. + +Does it much matter what I think? We shall be so many thousand miles +apart. + +LUCY. + +I suppose that you utterly despise me. + +ALEC. + +No. I loved you far too much ever to do that. Believe me, I only wish +you well. Now that the bitterness is past, I see that you did the only +possible thing. I hope that you'll be very happy. + +LUCY. + +Oh, Alec, don't be utterly pitiless. Don't leave me without a single +word of kindness. + +ALEC. + +Nothing is changed, Lucy. You sent me away on account of your brother's +death. + + [_There is a long silence, and when she speaks + it is hesitatingly, as if the words were + painful to utter._ + +LUCY. + +I hated you then, and yet I couldn't crush the love that was in my +heart. I used to try and drive you away from my thoughts, but every word +you had ever said came back to me. Don't you remember? You told me that +everything you did was for my sake. Those words hammered at my heart as +though it were an anvil. I struggled not to believe them. I said to +myself that you had sacrificed George coldly, callously, prudently, but +in my heart I knew it wasn't true. [_He looks at her, hardly able to +believe what she is going to say, but does not speak._] Your whole life +stood on one side and only this hateful story on the other. You couldn't +have grown into a different man in one single instant. I came here +to-day to tell you that I don't understand the reason of what you did. I +don't want to understand. I believe in you now with all my strength. I +know that whatever you did was right and just--because you did it. + + [_He gives a long, deep sigh._ + +ALEC. + +Thank God! Oh, I'm so grateful to you for that. + +LUCY. + +Haven't you anything more to say to me than that? + +ALEC. + +You see, it comes too late. Nothing much matters now, for to-morrow I go +away. + +LUCY. + +But you'll come back. + +ALEC. + +I'm going to a part of Africa from which Europeans seldom return. + +LUCY. + +[_With a sudden outburst of passion._] Oh, that's too horrible. Don't +go, dearest! I can't bear it! + +ALEC. + +I must now. Everything is settled, and there can be no drawing back. + +LUCY. + +Don't you care for me any more? + +ALEC. + +Care for you? I love you with all my heart and soul. + +LUCY. + +[_Eagerly._] Then take me with you. + +ALEC. + +You! + +LUCY. + +You don't know what I can do. With you to help me I can be brave. Let me +come, Alec? + +ALEC. + +No, it's impossible. You don't know what you ask. + +LUCY. + +Then let me wait for you? Let me wait till you come back? + +ALEC. + +And if I never come back? + +LUCY. + +I will wait for you still. + +ALEC. + +Then have no fear. I will come back. My journey was only dangerous +because I wanted to die. I want to live now, and I shall live. + +LUCY. + +Oh, Alec, Alec, I'm so glad you love me. + + +THE END + + * * * * * + + +_THE NOVELS OF W. S. MAUGHAM_ + +_Each cr. 8vo, Price 6s_ + + _THE EXPLORER_ + _THE MAGICIAN_ + _THE MERRY-GO-ROUND_ + _MRS. CRADDOCK_ + + _LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ + + + +_A MAN OF HONOUR_ + + +_HEINEMANN'S MODERN PLAYS_ + +16mo. Each price is 6d paper, or 2s 6d cloth + +By the same Author + +_LADY FREDERICK_ + +_JACK STRAW_ + +_THE PLAYS OF SIR ARTHUR W. PINERO_ +Complete Edition Twenty-three Volumes + +_PLAYS OF HUBERT HENRY DAVIES_ +Two Volumes + +_PLAYS OF C. HADDON CHAMBERS_ +Two Volumes + +_THE PLAYS OF W. E. HENLEY AND +R. L. STEVENSON_ +Four Volumes +Also in One Volume, crown 8vo, buckram, Price 6s + +_THE COLLECTED WORKS OF HENRIK IBSEN_ +Copyright Edition entirely revised by +WILLIAM ARCHER +Complete in Eleven Volumes, crown 8vo, Price 4s each + +_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ +21 _Bedford St., W.C._ + + + + +_A MAN OF HONOUR_ + +_A TRAGEDY_ + +_In Four Acts_ + +_By W. S. MAUGHAM_ + +_LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN_ + +_MCMXII_ + +_Copyright: London William Heinemann 1912_ + + _TO + GERALD KELLY_ + +"Ich übersah meine Sache und wusste wohin ich wollte." + +ECKERMANN, _Gespräche mit Goethe_. + + + + +GENERAL PREFACE + + +...For Clisthenes, son of Aristonymus, son of Myron, son of Andreas, had +a daughter whose name was Agarista: her he resolved to give in marriage +to the man whom he should find the most accomplished of all the Greeks. +When therefore the Olympian games were being celebrated, Clisthenes, +being victorious in them in the chariot race, made a proclamation; "that +whoever of the Greeks deemed himself worthy to become the son-in-law of +Clisthenes, should come to Sicyon on the sixtieth day, or even before; +since Clisthenes had determined on the marriage in a year, reckoning +from the sixtieth day." Thereupon such of the Greeks as were puffed up +with themselves and their country, came as suitors; and Clisthenes, +having made a race-course and palæstra for them, kept it for this very +purpose. From Italy, accordingly, came Smindyrides, son of Hippocrates, +a Sybarite, who more than any other man reached the highest pitch of +luxury, (and Sybaris was at that time in a most flourishing condition;) +and Damasus of Siris, son of Amyris called the Wise: these came from +Italy. From the Ionian gulf, Amphimnestus, son of Epistrophus, an +Epidamnian; he came from the Ionian gulf. An Ætolian came, Males, +brother of that Titormus who surpassed the Greeks in strength, and fled +from the society of men to the extremity of the Ætolian territory. And +from Peloponnesus, Leocedes, son of Pheidon, tyrant of the Argives, a +decendant of that Pheidon, who introduced measures among the +Peloponnesians, and was the most insolent of all the Greeks, who having +removed the Elean umpires, himself regulated the games at Olympia; his +son accordingly came. And Amiantus, son of Lycurgus, an Arcadian from +Trapezus; and an Azenian from the city of Pæos, Laphanes, son of +Euphorion, who, as the story is told in Arcadia, received the Dioscuri +in his house, and after that entertained all men; and an Elean, +Onomastus, son of Agæus: these accordingly came from the Peloponnesus +itself. From Athens there came Megacles, son of Alcmæon, the same who +had visited Croesus, and another, Hippoclides, son of Tisander, who +surpassed the Athenians in wealth and beauty. From Eretria, which was +flourishing at that time, came Lysanias; he was the only one from +Euboea. And from Thessaly there came, of the Scopades, Diactorides a +Cranonian; and from the Molossi, Alcon. So many were the suitors. When +they had arrived on the appointed day, Clisthenes made inquiries of +their country, and the family of each; then detaining them for a year, +he made trial of their manly qualities, their dispositions, learning, +and morals; holding familiar intercourse with each separately, and with +all together, and leading out to the gymnasia such of them as were +younger; but most of all he made trial of them at the banquet; for as +long as he detained them, he did this throughout, and at the same time +entertained them magnificently. And somehow of all the suitors those +that had come from Athens pleased him most, and of these Hippoclides, +son of Tisander, was preferred both on account of his manly qualities, +and because he was distantly related to the Cypselidæ in Corinth. When +the day appointed for the consummation of the marriage arrived, and for +the declaration of Clisthenes himself, whom he would choose of them all, +Clisthenes, having sacrificed a hundred oxen, entertained both the +suitors themselves and all the Sicyonians; and when they had concluded +the feast, the suitors had a contest about music, and any subject +proposed for conversation. As the drinking went on, Hippoclides, who +much attracted the attention of the rest, ordered the flute-player to +play a dance; and when the flute-player obeyed, he began to dance: and +he danced, probably so as to please himself; but Clisthenes, seeing it, +beheld the whole matter with suspicion. Afterwards, Hippoclides, having +rested awhile, ordered some one to bring in a table; and when the table +came in, he first danced Laconian figures on it, and then Attic ones; +and in the third place, having leant his head on the table he +gesticulated with his legs. But Clisthenes, when he danced the first and +second time, revolted from the thought of having Hippoclides for his +son-in-law, on account of his dancing and want of decorum, yet +restrained himself, not wishing to burst out against him; but when he +saw him gesticulating with his legs, he was no longer able to restrain +himself, and said: "Son of Tisander, you have danced away your +marriage." But Hippoclides answered: "Hippoclides cares not." Hence this +answer became a proverb. (HERODOTUS VI. 126, _Cary's Translation_.) + +This play was first performed by the Stage Society at the Imperial +Theatre on February 22, 1903, with the following cast: + + BASIL KENT H. GRANVILLE BARKER + JENNY BUSH WINIFRED FRASER + JAMES BUSH O. B. CLARENCE + JOHN HALLIWELL DENNIS EADIE + MABEL GERTRUDE BURNETT + HILDA MURRAY MABEL TERRY-LEWIS + ROBERT BRACKLEY NIGEL PLAYFAIR + MRS. GRIGGS HENRIETTA COWEN + FANNY GERTRUDE DE BURGH + BUTLER A. BOWYER + + + + +_A MAN OF HONOUR_ + +_CHARACTERS_ + + + BASIL KENT + JENNY BUSH + JAMES BUSH + JOHN HALLIWELL + MABEL + HILDA MURRAY + ROBERT BRACKLEY + MRS. GRIGGS + FANNY + BUTLER + +TIME: _The Present Day_. + +ACT I--_Basil's lodgings in Bloomsbury_. + +ACTS II AND IV--_The drawing-room of Basil's house at Putney_. + +ACT III--_Mrs. Murray's house in Charles Street_. + +_The Performing Rights of this Play are fully protected, and permission +to perform it, whether by Amateurs or Professionals, must be obtained in +advance from the author's Sole Agent, R. Golding Bright, 20 Green +Street, Leicester Square, London, W.C., from whom all particulars can be +obtained._ + + + + +A MAN OF HONOUR + + + + +THE FIRST ACT + +SITTING-ROOM OF BASIL'S LODGINGS IN BLOOMSBURY. + + + _In the wall facing the auditorium, two windows with little iron + balconies, giving a view of London roofs. Between the windows, + against the wall, is a writing-desk littered with papers and books. + On the right is a door, leading into the passage; on the left a + fire-place with arm-chairs on either side; on the chimney-piece + various smoking utensils. There are numerous bookshelves filled + with books; while on the walls are one or two Delft plates, + etchings after Rossetti, autotypes of paintings by Fra Angelico and + Botticelli. The furniture is simple and inexpensive, but there is + nothing ugly in the room. It is the dwelling-place of a person who + reads a great deal and takes pleasure in beautiful things._ + + BASIL KENT _is leaning back in his chair, with his feet on the + writing-table, smoking a pipe and cutting the pages of a book. He + is a very good-looking man of six-and-twenty, clean-shaven, with a + delicate face and clear-cut features. He is dressed in a + lounge-suit._ + + + [_There is a knock at the door._ + +BASIL. + +Come in. + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +Did you ring, sir? + +BASIL. + +Yes. I expect a lady to tea. And there's a cake that I bought on my way +in. + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +Very well, sir. + + [_She goes out, and immediately comes in with a + tray on which are two cups, sugar, milk, + &c._ + +BASIL. + +Oh, Mrs. Griggs, I want to give up these rooms this day week. I'm going +to be married. I'm sorry to leave you. You've made me very comfortable. + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +[_With a sigh of resignation._] Ah, well, sir, that's lodgers all over. +If they're gents they get married; and if they're ladies they ain't +respectable. + + [_A ring is heard._ + +BASIL. + +There's the bell, Mrs. Griggs. I dare say it's the lady I expect. If +any one else comes, I'm not at home. + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +Very well, sir. + + [_She goes out, and_ BASIL _occupies himself for a + moment in putting things in order_. MRS. + GRIGGS, _opening the door, ushers in the + new-comers_. + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +If you please, sir. + + [_She goes out again, and during the next few + speeches brings two more cups and the tea._ + + [MABEL _and_ HILDA _enter, followed by_ JOHN + HALLIWELL. BASIL _going towards them + very cordially, half stops when he notices + who they are; and a slight expression of + embarrassment passes over his face. But + he immediately recovers himself and is + extremely gracious._ HILDA MURRAY _is a + tall, handsome woman, self-possessed and + admirably gowned_. MABEL HALLIWELL _is + smaller, pretty rather than beautiful, + younger than her sister, vivacious, very + talkative, and somewhat irresponsible_. + JOHN _is of the same age as_ BASIL, _good-humoured, + neither handsome nor plain + blunt of speech and open_. + +BASIL. + +[_Shaking hands._] How d'you do? + +MABEL. + +Look pleased to see us, Mr. Kent. + +BASIL. + +I'm perfectly enchanted. + +HILDA. + +You _did_ ask us to come and have tea with you, didn't you? + +BASIL. + +I've asked you fifty times. Hulloa, John! I didn't see you. + +JOHN. + +I'm the discreet husband, I keep in the background. + +MABEL. + +Why don't you praise me instead of praising yourself? People would think +it so much nicer. + +JOHN. + +On the contrary, they'd be convinced that when we were alone I beat you. +Besides, I couldn't honestly say that you kept in the background. + +HILDA. + +[_To_ BASIL.] I feel rather ashamed at taking you unawares. + +BASIL. + +I was only slacking. I was cutting a book. + +MABEL. + +That's ever so much more fun than reading it, isn't it? [_She catches +sight of the tea things._] Oh, what a beautiful cake--and two cups! +[_She looks at him, questioning._] + +BASIL. + +[_A little awkwardly._] Oh--I always have an extra cup in case some one +turns up, you know. + +MABEL. + +How unselfish! And do you always have such expensive cake? + +HILDA. + +[_With a smile, remonstrating._] Mabel! + +MABEL. + +Oh, but I know them well, and I love them dearly. They cost two +shillings at the Army and Navy Stores, but I can't afford them myself. + +JOHN. + +I wish you'd explain why we've come, or Basil will think I'm +responsible. + +MABEL. + +[_Lightly._] I've been trying to remember ever since we arrived. You say +it, Hilda; you invented it. + +HILDA. + +[_With a laugh._] Mabel, I'll never take you out again. They're +perfectly incorrigible, Mr. Kent. + +BASIL. + +[_To_ JOHN _and_ MABEL, _smiling_.] I don't know why _you've_ come. Mrs. +Murry has promised to come and have tea with me for ages. + +MABEL. + +[_Pretending to feel injured._] Well, you needn't turn me out the moment +we arrive. Besides, I refuse to go till I've had a piece of that cake. + +BASIL. + +Well, here's the tea! [MRS. GRIGGS _brings it in as he speaks_. _He +turns to_ HILDA.] I wish you'd pour it out. I'm so clumsy. + +HILDA. + +[_Smiling at him affectionately._] I shall be delighted. + + [_She proceeds to do so, and the conversation goes + on while_ BASIL _hands_ MABEL _tea and cake_. + +JOHN. + +I told them it was improper for more than one woman at a time to call at +a bachelor's rooms, Basil. + +BASIL. + +If you'd warned me I'd have made the show a bit tidier. + +MABEL. + +Oh, that's just what we didn't want. We wanted to see the Celebrity at +Home, without lime-light. + +BASIL. + +[_Ironically._] You're too flattering. + +MABEL. + +By the way, how is the book? + +_Basil._ + +Quite well, thanks. + +MABEL. + +I always forget to ask how it's getting on. + +BASIL. + +On the contrary, you never let slip an opportunity of making kind +inquiries. + +MABEL. + +_I_ don't believe you've written a word of it. + +HILDA. + +Nonsense, Mabel. I've read it. + +MABEL. + +Oh, but you're such a monster of discretion.... Now I want to see your +medals, Mr. Kent. + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] What medals? + +MABEL. + +Don't be coy! You know I mean the medals they gave you for going to the +Cape. + +BASIL. + +[_Gets them from a drawer, and with a smile hands them to_ MABEL.] If +you really care to see them, here they are. + +MABEL. + +[_Taking one._] What's this? + +BASIL. + +Oh, that's just the common or garden South African medal. + +MABEL. + +And the other one? + +BASIL. + +That's the D.S.M. + +MABEL. + +Why didn't they give you the D.S.O.? + +BASIL. + +Oh, I was only a trooper, you know. They only give the D.S.O. to +officers. + +MABEL. + +And what did you do to deserve it? + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] I really forget. + +HILDA. + +It's given for distinguished service in the field, Mabel. + +MABEL. + +I knew. Only I wanted to see if Mr. Kent was modest or vain. + +BASIL. + +[_With a smile, taking the medals from her and putting them away._] How +spiteful of you! + +MABEL. + +John, why didn't you go to the Cape, and do heroic things? + +JOHN. + +I confined my heroism to the British Isles. I married you, my angel. + +MABEL. + +Is that funny or vulgar? + +BASIL. + +[_Laughing._] Are there no more questions you want to ask me, Mrs. +Halliwell? + +MABEL. + +Yes, I want to know why you live up six flights of stairs. + +BASIL. + +[_Amused._] For the view, simply and solely. + +MABEL. + +But, good heavens, there is no view. There are only chimney-pots. + +BASIL. + +But they're most æsthetic chimney-pots. Do come and look, Mrs. Murray. +[BASIL _and_ HILDA _approach one of the windows, and he opens it_.] And +at night they're so mysterious. They look just like strange goblins +playing on the house-tops. And you can't think how gorgeous the sunsets +are: sometimes, after the rain, the slate roofs glitter like burnished +gold. [_To_ HILDA.] Often I think I couldn't have lived without my view, +it says such wonderful things to me. [_Turning to_ MABEL _gaily_.] +Scoff, Mrs. Halliwell, I'm on the verge of being sentimental. + +MABEL. + +I was wondering if you'd made that up on the spur of the moment, or if +you'd fished it out of an old note-book. + +HILDA. + +[_With a look at_ BASIL.] May I go out? + +BASIL. + +Yes, do come. + + [HILDA _and_ BASIL _step out on the balcony, + whereupon_ JOHN _goes to_ MABEL _and tries + to steal a kiss from her_. + +MABEL. + +[_Springing up._] Go away, you horror! + +JOHN. + +Don't be silly. I shall kiss you if I want to. + +[_She laughing, walks round the sofa while he pursues her._ + +MABEL. + +I wish you'd treat life more seriously. + +JOHN. + +I wish you wouldn't wear such prominent hats. + +MABEL. + +[_As he puts his arm round her waist._] John, some body'll see us. + +JOHN. + +Mabel, I command you to let yourself be kissed. + +MABEL. + +How much will you give me? + +JOHN. + +Sixpence. + +MABEL. + +[_Slipping away from him._] I can't do it for less than half-a-crown. + +JOHN. + +[_Laughing._] I'll give you two shillings. + +MABEL. + +[_Coaxing._] Make it two-and-three. + + [_He kisses her._ + +JOHN. + +Now come and sit down quietly. + +MABEL. + +[_Sitting down by his side._] John, you mustn't make love to me. It +would look so odd if they came in. + +JOHN. + +After all, I am your husband. + +MABEL. + +That's just it. If you wanted to make love to me you ought to have +married somebody else. [_He puts his arm round her waist._] John, don't, +I'm sure they'll come in. + +JOHN. + +I don't care if they do. + +MABEL. + +[_Sighing._] John, you do love me? + +JOHN. + +Yes. + +MABEL. + +And you won't ever care for anybody else? + +JOHN. + +No. + +MABEL. + +[_In the same tone._] And you will give me that two-and-threepence, +won't you? + +JOHN. + +Mabel, it was only two shillings. + +MABEL. + +Oh, you cheat! + +JOHN. + +[_Getting up._] I'm going out on the balcony. I'm passionately devoted +to chimney-pots. + +MABEL. + +No, John, I want you. + +JOHN. + +Why? + +MABEL. + +Isn't it enough for me to say I want you for you to hurl yourself at my +feet immediately? + +JOHN. + +Oh, you poor thing, can't you do without me for two minutes? + +MABEL. + +Now you're taking a mean advantage. It's only this particular two +minutes that I want you. Come and sit by me like a nice, dear boy. + +JOHN. + +Now what have you been doing that you shouldn't? + +MABEL. + +[_Laughing._] Nothing. But I want you to do something for me. + +JOHN. + +Ha, ha! I thought so. + +MABEL. + +It's merely to tie up my shoe. [_She puts out her foot._] + +JOHN. + +Is that all--honour bright? + +MABEL. + +[_Laughing._] Yes. [JOHN _kneels down_.] + +JOHN. + +But, my good girl, it's not undone. + +MABEL. + +Then, my good boy, undo it and do it up again. + +JOHN. + +[_Starting up._] Mabel, are we playing gooseberry--at our time of life? + +MABEL. + +[_Ironically._] Oh, you are clever! Do you think Hilda would have +climbed six flights of stairs unless Love had lent her wings? + +JOHN. + +I wish Love would provide wings for the chaperons as well. + +MABEL. + +Don't be flippant. It's a serious matter. + +JOHN. + +My dear girl, you really can't expect me to play the heavy father when +we've only been married six months. It would be almost improper. + +MABEL. + +Don't be horrid, John. + +JOHN. + +It isn't horrid, it's natural history. + +MABEL. + +[_Primly._] I was never taught it. It's not thought nice for young girls +to know. + +JOHN. + +Why didn't you tell me that Hilda was fond of Basil! Does he like her? + +MABEL. + +I don't know. I expect that's precisely what she's asking him. + +JOHN. + +Mabel, do you mean to say you brought me here, an inoffensive, harmless +creature, for your sister to propose to a pal of mine? It's an outrage. + +MABEL. + +She's doing nothing of the sort. + +JOHN. + +You needn't look indignant. You can't deny that you proposed to me. + +MABEL. + +I can, indeed. If I had I should never have taken such an unconscionably +long time about it. + +JOHN. + +I wonder why Hilda wants to marry poor Basil! + +MABEL. + +Well, Captain Murray left her five thousand a year, and she thinks Basil +Kent a genius. + +JOHN. + +There's not a drawing-room in Regent's Park or in Bayswater that hasn't +got its tame genius. I don't know if Basil Kent is much more than very +clever. + +MABEL. + +Anyhow, I'm sure it's a mistake to marry geniuses. They're horribly +bad-tempered, and they invariably make love to other people's wives. + +JOHN. + +Hilda always has gone in for literary people. That's the worst of +marrying a cavalryman, it leads you to attach so much importance to +brains. + +MABEL. + +Yes, but she needn't marry them. If she wants to encourage Basil let her +do it from a discreet distance. Genius always thrives best on bread and +water and platonic attachments. If Hilda marries him he'll only become +fat and ugly and bald-headed and stupid. + +JOHN. + +Why, then he'll make an ideal Member of Parliament. + + [BASIL _and_ HILDA _come into the room again_. + +MABEL. + +[_Maliciously._] Well, what have you been talking about? + +HILDA. + +[_Acidly._] The weather and the crops, Shakespeare and the Musical +Glasses. + +MABEL. + +[_Raising her eyebrows._] Oh! + +HILDA. + +It's getting very late, Mabel. We really must be going. + +MABEL. + +[_Getting up._] And I've got to pay at least twelve calls. I hope every +one will be out. + +HILDA. + +People are so stupid, they're always in when you call. + +MABEL. + +[_Holding out her hand to_ BASIL.] Good-bye. + +HILDA. + +[_Coldly._] Thanks so much, Mr. Kent. I'm afraid we disturbed you +awfully. + +BASIL. + +[_Shaking hands with her._] I've been enchanted to see you. Good-bye. + +MABEL. + +[_Lightly._] We shall see you again before you go to Italy, shan't we? + +BASIL. + +Oh, I'm not going to Italy now, I've changed all my plans. + +MABEL. + +[_Giving_ JOHN _a look_.] Oh! Well, good-bye. Aren't you coming, John. + +JOHN. + +No: I think I'll stay and have a little chat with Basil, while you tread +the path of duty. + +MABEL. + +Well, mind you're in early. We've got a lot of disgusting people coming +to dinner. + +HILDA. + +[_With a smile._] Poor things! Who are they? + +MABEL. + +I forget who they are. But I know they're loathsome. That's why I asked +them. + + [BASIL _opens the door, and the two women go out_. + +JOHN. + +[_Sitting down and stretching himself._] Now that we've got rid of our +womankind let's make ourselves comfortable. [_Taking a pipe out of his +pocket._] I think I'll sample your baccy if you'll pass it along. + +BASIL. + +[_Handing him the jar._] I'm rather glad you stayed, John. I wanted to +talk to you. + +JOHN. + +Ha! ha! + + [BASIL _pauses a moment, while_ JOHN _looks at + him with amusement. He fills his pipe._ + +JOHN. + +[_Lighting his pipe._] Nice gal, Hilda--ain't she? + +BASIL. + +[_Enthusiastically._] Oh, I think she's perfectly charming.... But what +makes you say that? + +JOHN. + +[_Innocently._] Oh, I don't know. Passed through my head. + +BASIL. + +I say, I've got something to tell you, John. + +JOHN. + +Well, don't be so beastly solemn about it. + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] It's a solemn thing. + +JOHN. + +No, it ain't. I've done it myself. It's like a high dive. When you look +down at the water it fairly takes your breath away, but after you've +done it--it's not so bad as you think. You're going to be married, my +boy. + +BASIL. + +[_With a smile._] How the deuce d'you know? + +JOHN. + +[_Gaily._] Saw it with mine own eyes. I congratulate you, and I give you +my blessing. I'll get a new frock-coat to give the lady away in. + +BASIL. + +You?... [_Suddenly understanding._] You're on the wrong tack, old man. +It's not your sister-in-law I'm going to marry. + +JOHN. + +Then why the dickens did you say it was? + +BASIL. + +I never mentioned her name. + +JOHN. + +H'm! I've made rather more than an average ass of myself, haven't I? + +BASIL. + +What on earth made you think ...? + +JOHN. + +[_Interrupting._] Oh, it was only some stupid idea of my wife's. Women +are such fools, you know. And they think they're so confoundedly sharp. + +BASIL. + +[_Disconcerted_--_looking at him._] Has Mrs. Murray ...? + +JOHN. + +No, of course not! Well, who the deuce are you going to marry? + +BASIL. + +[_Flushing._] I'm going to marry Miss Jenny Bush. + +JOHN. + +Never heard of her. Is it any one I know? + +BASIL. + +Yes, you knew her. + +JOHN. + +[_Searching his memory._] Bush ... Bush.... [_With a smile._] The only +Jenny Bush _I've_ ever heard of was a rather pretty little barmaid in +Fleet Street. Presumably you're not going to marry her. + +[JOHN _has said this quite lightly, not guessing for a moment that it +can have anything to do with the person_ BASIL _proposes to marry. Then, +since_ BASIL _makes no answer_, JOHN _looks at him sharply: there is a +silence while the two men stare at one another._ + +JOHN. + +Basil, it's not the woman we used to know before you went out to the +Cape? + +BASIL. + +[_Pale and nervous, but determined._] I've just told you that you used +to know Jenny. + +JOHN. + +Man alive, you're not going to marry the barmaid of the "Golden Crown"? + +BASIL. + +[_Looking at him steadily._] Jenny _was_ a barmaid at the "Golden +Crown." + +JOHN. + +But, good Lord, Basil, what d'you mean? You're not serious? + +BASIL. + +Perfectly! We're going to be married this day week. + +JOHN. + +Are you stark, staring mad? Why on earth d'you want to marry Jenny Bush? + +BASIL. + +That's rather a delicate question, isn't it? [_With a smile._] +Presumably because I'm in love with her. + +JOHN. + +Well, that's a silly ass of an answer. + +BASIL. + +It's quite the most obvious. + +JOHN. + +Nonsense! Why, I've been in love with twenty girls, and I haven't +married them all. One can't do that sort of thing in a country where +they give you seven years for bigamy. Every public-house along the +Thames from Barnes to Taplow is the tombstone of an unrequited passion +of my youth. I loved 'em dearly, but I never asked 'em to marry me. + +BASIL. + +[_Tightening his lips._] I'd rather you didn't make jokes about it, +John. + +JOHN. + +Are you sure you're not making an ass of yourself? If you've got into a +mess, surely we can get you out. Marriage, like hanging, is rather a +desperate remedy. + +[BASIL _is sitting down and moodily shrugs his shoulders._ JOHN _goes up +to him, and putting his hands on his friend's shoulders looks into his +eyes._ + +JOHN. + +Why are you going to marry her, Basil? + +BASIL. + +[_Springing up impatiently._] Damn you, why don't you mind your own +business? + +JOHN. + +Don't be a fool, Basil. + +BASIL. + +Can't I marry any one I choose? It's nothing to you, is it? D'you +suppose I care if she's a barmaid? + +[_He walks up and down excitedly, while_ JOHN _with steady eyes watches +him._ + +JOHN. + +Basil, old man, we've known each other a good many years now. Don't you +think you'd better trust me? + +BASIL. + +[_Setting his teeth._] What d'you want to know? + +JOHN. + +Why are you going to marry her? + +BASIL. + +[_Abruptly, fiercely._] Because I must. + +JOHN. + +[_Nodding his head quietly._] I see. + +[_There is a silence. Then_ BASIL, _more calmly turns to_ JOHN. + +BASIL. + +D'you remember Jenny? + +JOHN. + +Yes, rather. Why, we always lunched there in the old days. + +BASIL. + +Well, after I came back from the Cape I began going there again. When I +was out there she took it into her head to write me a letter, rather +ill-spelt and funny--but I was touched that she thought of me. And she +sent some tobacco and some cigarettes. + +JOHN. + +My maiden aunt sent you a woollen comforter, but I'm not aware that in +return you ever made her a proposal of marriage. + +BASIL. + +And so in one way and another I came to know Jenny rather well. She +appeared to get rather fond of me--and I couldn't help seeing it. + +JOHN. + +But she always pretended to be engaged to that scrubby little chap with +false teeth who used to hang about the bar and make sheep's eyes at her +over innumerable Scotch-and-sodas. + +BASIL. + +He made a scene because I took her out on one of her off-nights, and she +broke it off. I couldn't help knowing it was on my account. + +JOHN. + +Well, and after that? + +BASIL. + +After that I got into the habit of taking her to the play, and so on. +And finally ...! + +JOHN. + +How long has this been going on? + +BASIL. + +Several months. + +JOHN. + +And then? + +BASIL. + +Well, the other day she wired for me. I found her in the most awful +state. She was simply crying her eyes out, poor thing. She'd been seedy +and gone to the doctor's. And he told her ... + +JOHN. + +What you might really have foreseen. + +BASIL. + +Yes.... She was quite hysterical. She said she didn't know what to do +nor where to go. And she was in an awful funk about her people. She +said she'd kill herself. + +JOHN. + +[_Drily._] Naturally she was very much upset. + +BASIL. + +I felt the only thing I could do was to ask her to marry me. And when I +saw the joy that came into her poor, tear-stained face I _knew_ I'd done +the right thing. + +[_There is a pause._ JOHN _walks up and down, then stops suddenly and +turns to_ BASIL. + +JOHN. + +Have you thought that you, who've never needed to economise, will have +to look at every shilling you spend? You've always been careless with +your money, and what you've had you've flung about freely. + +BASIL. + +[_Shrugging his shoulders._] If I have to submit to nothing worse than +going without a lot of useless luxuries, I really don't think I need +complain. + +JOHN. + +But you can't afford to keep a wife and an increasing family. + +BASIL. + +I suppose I can make money as well as other men. + +JOHN. + +By writing books? + +BASIL. + +I shall set to work to earn my living at the Bar. Up till now I've never +troubled myself. + +JOHN. + +I don't know any man less fit than you for the dreary waiting and the +drudgery of the Bar. + +BASIL. + +We shall see. + +JOHN. + +And what d'you think your friends will say to your marrying--a barmaid? + +BASIL. + +[_Contemptuously._] I don't care two straws for my friends. + +JOHN. + +That's pleasant for them. You know, men and women without end have +snapped their fingers at society and laughed at it, and for a while +thought they had the better of it. But all the time society was quietly +smiling up its sleeve, and suddenly it put out an iron hand--and +scrunched them up. + +BASIL. + +[Shrugging his shoulders.] It only means that a few snobs will cut me. + +JOHN. + +Not you--your wife. + +BASIL. + +I'm not such a cad as to go to a house where I can't take my wife. + +JOHN. + +But you're the last man in the world to give up these things. There's +nothing you enjoy more than going to dinner-parties and staying in +country houses. Women's smiles are the very breath of your nostrils. + +BASIL. + +You talk of me as if I were a tame cat. I don't want to brag, John, but +after all, I've shown that I'm fit for something in this world. I went +to the Cape because I thought it was my duty. I intend to marry Jenny +for the same reason. + +JOHN. + +[_Seriously._] Will you answer me one question--on your honour? + +BASIL. + +Yes. + +JOHN. + +Are you in love with her? + +BASIL. + +[_After a pause._] No. + +JOHN. + +[_Passionately._] Then, by God, you have no right to marry her. A man +has no right to marry a woman for pity. It's a cruel thing to do. You +can only end by making yourself and her entirely wretched. + +BASIL. + +I can't break the poor girl's heart. + +JOHN. + +You don't know what marriage is. Even with two people who are devoted to +one another, who have the same interests and belong to the same class, +it's sometimes almost unbearable. Marriage is the most terrible thing in +the world unless passion makes it absolutely inevitable. + +BASIL. + +My marriage is absolutely inevitable--for another reason. + +JOHN. + +You talk as if such things had never happened before. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I know, they happen every day. It's no business of the man's. And as +for the girl, let her throw herself in the river. Let her go to the +deuce, and be hanged to her. + +JOHN. + +Nonsense. She can be provided for. It only needs a little +discretion--and no one will be a ha'porth the wiser, nor she a ha'porth +the worse. + +BASIL. + +But it's not a matter of people knowing. It's a matter of honour. + +JOHN. + +[_Opening his eyes._] And where precisely did the honour come in when +you ...? + +BASIL. + +Good heavens, I'm a man like any other. I have passions as other men +have. + +JOHN. + +[_Gravely._] My dear Basil, I wouldn't venture to judge you. But I think +it's rather late in the day to set up for a moralist. + +BASIL. + +D'you think I've not regretted what I did? It's easy enough afterwards +to say that I should have resisted. The world would be a Sunday School +if we were all as level-headed at night as we are next morning. + +JOHN. + +[_Shaking his head._] After all, it's only a very regrettable incident +due to your youth and--want of innocence. + +BASIL. + +[_With vehement seriousness._] I may have acted like a cur. I don't +know. I acted as I suppose every other man would. But now I have a plain +duty before me, and, by God, I mean to do it. + +JOHN. + +Don't you realise that you've only one life and that mistakes are +irreparable? People play with life as if it were a game of chess in +which they can try this move and that, and when they get into a muddle, +sweep the board clear and begin again. + +BASIL. + +But life is a game of chess in which one is always beaten. Death sits on +the other side of the board, and for every move he has a counter-move. +And for all your deep-laid schemes he has a parry. + +JOHN. + +But if at the end Death always mates you, the fight is surely worth the +fighting. Don't handicap yourself at the beginning by foolish quixotry. +Life is so full. It has so much to offer, and you're throwing away +almost everything that makes it worth the trouble. + +BASIL. + +[_Gravely._] Jenny would kill herself if I didn't marry her. + +JOHN. + +You don't seriously think she'd do that. People don't commit suicide so +easily, you know. + +BASIL. + +You've thought of a great deal, John--you've not thought of the child. I +can't let the child skulk into the world like a thief. Let him come in +openly and lawfully. And let him go through the world with an honest +name. Good heavens, the world's bad enough without fettering him all his +life with a hideous stigma. + +JOHN. + +Oh, my dear Basil ... + +BASIL. + +[_Interrupting._] You can bring forward a thousand objections, but +nothing alters the fact that, under the circumstances, there's only one +way open to a man of honour. + +JOHN. + +[_Drily._] Well, it's a way that may do credit to your heart, but +scarcely to your understanding. + +BASIL. + +I thought you'd see at once that I was doing the only possible thing. + +JOHN. + +My dear Basil, you talk of pity, and you talk of duty, but are you sure +there's anything more in it than vanity? You've set yourself up on a +sort of moral pinnacle. Are you sure you don't admire your own heroism a +little too much? + +BASIL. + +[_With a good-natured smile._] Does it look so petty as that in your +eyes? After all, it's only common morality. + +JOHN. + +[_Impatiently._] But, my dear chap, its absurd to act according to an +unrealisable ideal in a world that's satisfied with the second-rate. +You're tendering bank-notes to African savages, among whom cowrie shells +are common coin. + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] I don't know what you mean. + +JOHN. + +Society has made its own decalogue, a code that's just fit for middling +people who are not very good and not very wicked. But Society punishes +you equally if your actions are higher than its ideal or lower. + +BASIL. + +Sometimes it makes a god of you when you're dead. + +JOHN. + +But it takes precious good care to crucify you when you're alive. + +[_There is a knock at the door, and_ MRS. GRIGGS _comes in._ + +MRS. GRIGGS. + +Some more visitors, Sir. + +BASIL. + +Show 'em in. [_To_ JOHN] It's Jenny. She said she was coming to tea. + +JOHN. + +[_With a smile._] Oh, the cake was for her, was it? Would you like me to +go? + +BASIL. + +Not unless you choose. Do you suppose I'm ashamed? + +JOHN. + +I thought, after all you've told me, you might not care for me to see +her. + +[JENNY BUSH _and her brother_ JAMES _come in. She is very pretty, with +delicate features and a beautiful complexion: her fair hair is abundant +and very elaborately arranged. She is dressed smartly, rather showily. +It is the usual type of barmaid, or tea-girl, a shade more refined +perhaps than the common run. Her manners are unobjectionable, but not +those of a gentlewoman._ JAMES _is a young man with clean-shaven face +and a sharp expression. He is over-dressed in a very horsey manner, and +is distinctly more vulgar than his sister. He talks English with a +cockney accent, not invariably dropping his aitches, but only now and +then. He is over cordial and over genial._ + +JENNY. + +[_Going up to_ BASIL.] I'm awfully late, I couldn't come before. + +JAMES. + +[_Jocosely._] Don't mind me. Give 'im a kiss, old tart. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I brought my brother Jimmie to see you. + +BASIL. + +[_Shaking hands._] How d'you do? + +JAMES. + +Nicely, thanks. Pleased to make your acquaintance. + +JENNY. + +[_Looking at_ JOHN _and suddenly recognising him._] + +Well, I never! If that isn't old John Halliwell. I didn't expect to see +you. This is a treat. + +JOHN. + +How d'you do? + +JENNY. + +What are you doing here? + +JOHN. + +I've been having a cup of tea with Basil. + +JENNY. + +[_Looking at the tea-things._] D'you always drink out of three cups at +once? + +JOHN. + +My wife has been here--and her sister. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I see. Fancy your being married. How d'you like it? + +JOHN. + +All right, thanks. + +[BASIL _pours out a cup of tea, and during the following speeches gives_ +JENNY _milk and sugar and cake._ + +JAMES. + +People say it wants a bit of gettin' used to. + +JOHN. + +Mr. Bush, you're a philosopher. + +JAMES. + +Well, I will say this for myself, you'd want to get up early in the +morning to catch me nappin'. I didn't catch your name. + +JOHN. + +Halliwell. + +JAMES. + +'Alliwell? + +JOHN. + +[_Emphasising the H._] Halliwell. + +JAMES. + +That's what I say--'Alliwell. I knew a fellow in the meat trade called +'Alliwell. Any relation? + +JOHN. + +I don't think so. + +JAMES. + +Fine business 'e 'ad too. There's a rare lot of money to be made out of +meat. + +JOHN. + +I dare say. + +Jenny. + +[_To_ JOHN.] It _is_ a long time since I've seen you. I suppose you've +quietened down now you're a married man. You were a hot 'un when you was +a bachelor. + +JAMES. + +[_Facetiously._] Don't make 'im blush, Jenny. Accidents will 'appen in +the best regulated families. And boys will be boys, as they say in the +Bible. + +JOHN. + +I think I must be off, Basil. + +JAMES. + +Well, I'll be toddlin' too. I only come in just to say 'ow d'you do to +my future brother-in-law. I'm a fellow as likes to be cordial. There's +no 'aughtiness about me. + +BASIL. + +[_Politely, but not effusively._] Oh; won't you stay and have some tea? + +JAMES. + +No, thanks. I'm not much of an 'and at tea; I leave that to females. I +like something stronger myself. + +JENNY. + +[_Remonstrating._] Jimmie! + +BASIL. + +I have some whisky, Mr. Bush. + +JAMES. + +Oh, blow the Mister and blow the Bush. Call me Jimmie. I can't stand +ceremony. The way I look on it is this. We're both of us gentlemen. Now, +mind you, I'm not a fellow to praise myself. But I will say this: I am a +gentleman. That's not self-praise, is it? + +JOHN. + +Dear me, no. Mere statement of fact. + +JAMES. + +Well, as I was saying, I know I'm a gentleman. It's a thing you can't +'elp, so what's the good of being proud about it? If I meet a chap in a +pub, and he invites me to have a drink, I don't ask him if he's a Lord. + +BASIL. + +But you just take it. + +JAMES. + +Well, you'd do the same yourself, wouldn't you? + +BASIL. + +I dare say. But will you have a drink now? + +JAMES. + +Oh, bless you, I know what it is to be engaged. I don't want to disturb +you canary-birds. Me and 'Alliwell 'll go and have a gargle round the +corner. I see you've got a public nice and 'andy. [_To_ JOHN.] I suppose +you're not above goin' in there now and again, eh? + +JENNY. + +[_With a laugh._] He came into the "Golden Crown" every day of his life, +and chance it! + +JOHN. + +I'm afraid I'm in a great hurry. + +JAMES. + +'Ang it all, one's always got time to have a drop of Scotch in this +life. + +BASIL. + +[_To_ JAMES, _handing him the box._] Well, take a cigar with you. + +JAMES. + +[_Taking and examining one._] If you are so pressing. Villar y +Villar.... What do they run you in a hundred? + +BASIL. + +They were given to me, I really don't know what they cost. [_He lights a +match._] Won't you take the label off? + +JAMES. + +Not if I know it. I don't smoke a Villar y Villar every day, but when I +do, I smoke it with the label on. + +JENNY. + +[_Laughing._] Jimmie, you are a caution! + +JOHN. + +[_Shaking hands with_ JENNY.] Good-bye and--my best wishes. + +JENNY. + +Thanks. You didn't expect I'd marry Basil when I used to mix cocktails +for you in the "Golden Crown," did you? + +JAMES. + +Come on, 'Alliwell. Don't stop there gassing. You'll only disturb the +canary-birds. So long, old tart, see you later. Ta-ta, Basil, old man. + +BASIL. + +Good-bye--Jimmie. + +[JOHN HALLIWELL _and_ JAMES _go out_, JENNY _goes up to_ BASIL +_impulsively._ + +JENNY. + +Kiss me. [_He kisses her, smiling._] There! Now I can sit down quietly +and talk. How d'you like my brother? + +BASIL. + +Oh--I hardly know him yet. He seems very amiable. + +JENNY. + +He's not a bad sort when you know him. He's just like my mother. + +BASIL. + +[_Raising his brows._] Is he? And--is your father like that too? + +JENNY. + +Well, you know, Pa hasn't had the education that Jimmie's had. Jimmie +was at a boarding-school at Margate. + +BASIL. + +Was he? + +JENNY. + +You were at a boarding-school, too, weren't you? + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] Yes, I was at Harrow. + +JENNY. + +Ah, you don't get the fine air at Harrow that you get at Margate. + +BASIL. + +Shall I put down your cup? + +JENNY. + +[_Placing it on a table._] Oh, thanks, it's all right. Come and sit by +me, Basil. + +BASIL. + +[_Seating himself on the arm of her chair._] There. + +JENNY. + +[_Taking his hand._] I'm so glad we're alone. I should like to be alone +with you all my life. You do love me, don't you, Basil? + +BASIL. + +Yes. + +JENNY. + +Much? + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] Yes. + +JENNY. + +I'm so glad. Oh, I don't know what I should do if you didn't love me. If +you hadn't been kind to me I should have thrown myself in the river. + +BASIL. + +What nonsense you talk. + +JENNY. + +I mean it. + +[_He passes his hand affectionately over her hair._ + +JENNY. + +Oh, you _are_ so good, Basil. I'm so proud of you. I shall be so proud +to be your wife. + +BASIL. + +[_Gravely._] Don't think too well of me Jenny. + +JENNY. + +[_With a laugh._] I'm not afraid of that. You're brave and you're +clever and you're a professional man, and you're everything. + +BASIL. + +You foolish child. + +JENNY. + +[_Passionately._] I can't tell you how much I love you. + +BASIL. + +I'll try with all my might to be a good husband to you, Jenny. + + [_She flings her arms round his neck and they + kiss one another._ + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT. + + + + +THE SECOND ACT + +AN INTERVAL OF ONE YEAR ELAPSES BETWEEN ACTS I. AND II. + + + _The drawing-room in Basil's house at Putney. In the wall facing + the auditorium there is a door leading from the passage. On the + right two doors lead into bedrooms, and opposite these is a bay + window. The same pictures and plates decorate the walls as in the + preceding Scene; the writing-table is between the side doors._ + JENNY'S _influence is noticeable in the cushions in the wicker-work + arm-chairs, in the window curtains and portières of art serge, and + in the huge chrysanthemums of the wall paper_. + + + [JENNY _is sewing while_ JAMES BUSH _is lounging + in one of the arm chairs_. + +JAMES. + +Where's his lordship this afternoon? + +JENNY. + +He's gone out for a walk. + +JAMES. + +[_With a malevolent laugh._] That's what he tells you, my dear. + +JENNY. + +[_Looking up quickly._] Have you seen him anywhere? + +JAMES. + +No, I can't say I 'ave. And if I 'ad I wouldn't boast about it. + +JENNY. + +[_Insisting._] What did you mean then? + +JAMES. + +Well, whenever I come here he's out for a walk.... I say, old tart, +could you oblige me with a couple of sovereigns till next Saturday? + +JENNY. + +[_Pained to refuse._] Oh no, Jimmie, I can't manage it. Basil made me +promise I wouldn't let you have any more. + +JAMES. + +What! He made you promise that?--Ugh, the mean skinflint. + +JENNY. + +We've lent you so much, Jimmie. And ma's had a lot, too. + +JAMES. + +Well, look here, you can manage a sovereign, can't you? You needn't say +anything about it. + +JENNY. + +I can't really, Jimmie. I would if I could. But we've got a rare lot of +debts worrying us, and the rent will be coming along next week. + +JAMES. + +[_Sulkily._] You can't lend it me because you won't. I should just like +to know what Basil spends his money on. + +JENNY. + +He's had a bad year--it's not his fault. And I was so ill after the baby +died, we had to pay the doctor nearly fifty pounds. + +JAMES. + +[_With a sneer._] Well, it was a wonderful fine thing you did when you +married him, Jenny. And you thought you done precious well for yourself, +too. + +JENNY. + +Jimmie, don't! + +JAMES. + +I can't stick 'im at any price, and I don't mind who knows it. + +JENNY. + +[_Impetuously._] I won't have you say anything against him. + +JAMES. + +All right--keep your shirt in. I'm blowed if I know what you've got to +stick up for him about. He don't care much about you. + +JENNY. + +[_Hastily._] How d'you know? + +JAMES. + +Think I can't see! + +JENNY. + +It's not true. It's not true. + +JAMES. + +You can't get round me, Jenny. I suppose you 'aven't been crying to-day? + +JENNY. + +[_Flushing._] I had a headache. + +JAMES. + +I know those sort of headaches. + +JENNY. + +We had a little tiff this morning. That's why he went out.... Oh, don't +say he doesn't care for me. I couldn't live. + +JAMES. + +[_With a laugh._] Go along with you. Basil Kent ain't the only pebble on +the beach. + +JENNY. + +[_Vehemently._] Oh, Jimmie, Jimmie, sometimes I don't know which way to +turn, I'm that unhappy. If the baby had only lived I might have kept my +husband--I might have made him love me. [_The sound is heard of a door +being closed._] There's Basil. + +JAMES. + +Good luck to 'im. + +JENNY. + +Oh, Jimmie, take care not to say anything to make him angry. + +JAMES. + +I'd just like to give 'im a piece of my mind. + +JENNY. + +Oh, Jimmie, don't. It was my fault that we quarrelled this morning. I +wanted to make him angry, and I nagged at him. Don't let him see that +I've said anything to you. I'll see--I'll see if I can't send you a +pound to-morrow, Jimmie. + +JAMES. + +[_Defiantly._] He'd better not start patronising me, because I won't put +up with it. I'm a gentleman, and I'm every bit as good as he is--if not +better. + + [BASIL _comes in_, _notices_ JAMES, _but does not + speak_. + +JAMES. + +Afternoon, Basil. + +BASIL. + +[_Indifferently._] You here again? + +JAMES. + +Looks like it, don't it. + +BASIL. + +[_Quietly._] I'm afraid it does. + +JAMES. + +[_Becoming more aggressive as the conversation proceeds._] Are you? I +suppose I can come and see my own sister? + +BASIL. + +I suppose it's inevitable. + +JAMES. + +Well? + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] Only I should be excessively grateful if you'd time your +coming with my--with my going. And _vice versa_. + +JAMES. + +That means you want me to get out, I reckon. + +BASIL. + +You show unusual perspicacity, dear James. + +JAMES. + +And who are you with your long words, I should like to know? + +BASIL. + +[_Blandly._] I? A person of not the least importance. + +JAMES. + +[_Angrily._] Well, I wouldn't put on so much side if I was you. + +BASIL. + +I observe that you have not acquired the useful art of being uncivil +without being impertinent. + +JAMES. + +Look 'ere, I'm not going to stand this. I'm as good as you are any day. + +BASIL. + +That is a fact I should never dream of contradicting. + +JAMES. + +[_Indignantly._] Then what 'ave you got to turn up your nose about, eh? +What d'you mean by sneerin' and snarlin' at me when I come here? + +JENNY. + +[_Nervously._] Jimmie, don't! + +BASIL. + +[_With a smile._] You're very eloquent, James. You should join a +debating society. + +JAMES. + +Yes, go on. That's right. You seem to think I'm nobody. I should just +like to know why you go on as if I was I don't know what. + +BASIL. + +[_Abruptly._] Because I choose. + +JAMES. + +You can bet anything you like I don't come 'ere to see you. + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling acidly._] Then I have at least something to be thankful for. + +JAMES. + +I've got a right to come here as much as anybody. I come to see my +sister. + +BASIL. + +Really, that's very thoughtful of you. I was under the impression you +generally came to borrow money. + +JAMES. + +Throw that in my face now. I can't 'elp it if I'm out of work. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I haven't the least objection to your being out of work. All I +protest against--and that very mildly--is that I should be expected to +keep you. How much did you want to-day? + +JAMES. + +I don't want your dirty money. + +BASIL. + +[_With a laugh._] Have you already tried to borrow it from Jenny? + +JAMES. + +No, I 'aven't. + +BASIL. + +And she refused, I suppose. + +JAMES. + +[_Storming._] I tell you I don't want your dirty money. + +BASIL. + +Well, then, we're both quite satisfied. You seemed to think that because +I married Jenny I was bound to keep the whole gang of you for the rest +of your lives. I'm sorry I can't afford it. And you will kindly tell the +rest of them that I'm sick and tired of forking out. + +JAMES. + +I wonder you don't forbid me your house while you're about it. + +BASIL. + +[_Coolly._] You may come here when I'm not at home--if you behave +yourself. + +JAMES. + +I'm not good enough for you, I suppose? + +BASIL. + +No, you're not. + +JAMES. + +[_Angrily._] Ah, you're a pretty specimen, you are. You mean skinflint! + +BASIL. + +Don't be abusive, James. It's rude. + +JAMES. + +I shall say what I choose. + +BASIL. + +And please don't talk so loud. It annoys me. + +JAMES. + +[_Malevolently._] I dare say you'd like to get me out of the way. But I +mean to keep my eye on you. + +BASIL. + +[_Sharply._] What d'you mean by that? + +JAMES. + +You know what I mean. Jenny has something to put up with, I lay. + +BASIL. + +[_Containing his anger._] You'll have the goodness to leave the +relations between Jenny and myself alone--d'you hear? + +JAMES. + +Ha, that's touched you up, has it? You think I don't know what sort of a +feller you are. I can just about see through two of you. And I know a +good deal more about you than you think. + +BASIL. + +[_Contemptuously._] Don't be foolish, James. + +JAMES. + +[_Sarcastic._] A nice thing Jenny did when she married you. + +BASIL. + +[_Recovering himself, with a smile._] Has she been telling you my +numerous faults? [_To_ JENNY.] You must have had plenty to talk about, +my love. + +JENNY. + +[_Who has been going on with her sewing, looking up now and then +uneasily._] I haven't said a word against you, Basil. + +BASIL. + +[_Turning his back on_ JAMES.] Oh, my dear Jenny, if it amuses you, by +all means discuss me with your brother and your sister and your father +and your mother, and the whole crew of them.... I should be so dull if I +had no faults. + +JENNY. + +[_Anxiously._] Tell him I've not said anything against him, Jimmie. + +JAMES. + +It's not for want of something to say, I lay. + +BASIL. + +[_Over his shoulder._] I'm getting rather tired, brother James. I'd go, +if I were you. + +JAMES. + +[_Very aggressively._] I shan't go till I choose. + +BASIL. + +[_Turns round, smiling blandly._] Of course, we're both Christians, dear +James; and there's a good deal of civilisation kicking about the world +nowadays. But, notwithstanding, the last word is still with the +strongest. + +JAMES. + +What d'you mean by that? + +BASIL. + +[_Good-humouredly._] Merely that discretion is the better part of +valour. They say that proverbs are the wealth of nations. + +JAMES. + +[_Indignantly._] That's just the sort of thing you'd do--to 'it a feller +smaller than yourself. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I wouldn't hit you for worlds, brother James. I should merely throw +you downstairs. + +JAMES. + +[_Making for the door._] I should just like to see you try it on. + +BASIL. + +Don't be silly, James. You know you wouldn't like it at all. + +JAMES. + +I'm not afraid of you. + +BASIL. + +Of course not. But still--you're not very muscular, are you? + +JAMES. + +You coward! + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] Your repartees are not brilliant, James. + +JAMES. + +[_Standing at the door for safety's sake._] I'll pay you out before I've +done. + +BASIL. + +[_Raising his eyebrows._] James, I told you to get out five minutes ago. + +JAMES. + +I'm going. D'you think I want to stay 'ere? Good-bye, Jenny, I'm not +going to stand being insulted by any one. [_He goes out slamming the +door._] + + [BASIL, _smiling quietly, goes to his writing-table + and turns over some papers_. + +BASIL. + +The only compensation in brother James is that he sometimes causes one a +little mild amusement. + +JENNY. + +You might at least be polite to him, Basil. + +BASIL. + +I used up all my politeness six months ago. + +JENNY. + +After all, he is my brother. + +BASIL. + +That is a fact I deplore with all my heart, I assure you. + +JENNY. + +I don't know what's wrong with him. + +BASIL. + +Don't you? It doesn't matter. + +JENNY. + +I know he isn't a Society man. + +BASIL. + +[_With a laugh._] No, he wouldn't shine at duchesses tea-parties. + +JENNY. + +Well, he's none the worse for that, is he? + +BASIL. + +Not at all. + +JENNY. + +Then why d'you treat him as if he was a dog? + +BASIL. + +My dear Jenny, I don't.... I'm very fond of dogs. + +JENNY. + +Oh, you're always sneering. Isn't he as good as I am? And you +condescended to marry me. + +BASIL. + +[_Coldly._] I really can't see that because I married you I must +necessarily take your whole family to my bosom. + +JENNY. + +Why don't you like them? They're honest and respectable. + +BASIL. + +[_With a little sigh of boredom._] My dear Jenny, we don't choose our +friends because they're honest and respectable any more than we choose +them because they change their linen daily. + +JENNY. + +They can't help it if they're poor. + +BASIL. + +My dear, I'm willing to acknowledge that they have every grace and every +virtue, but they rather bore me. + +JENNY. + +They wouldn't if they were swells. + + [BASIL _gives a short laugh, but does not answer; + and_ JENNY _irritated, continues more + angrily_. + +JENNY. + +And after all we're not in such a bad position as all that. My mother's +father was a gentleman. + +BASIL. + +I wish your mother's son were. + +JENNY. + +D'you know what Jimmie says you are? + +BASIL. + +I don't vastly care. But if it pleases you very much you may tell me. + +JENNY. + +[_Flushing angrily._] He says you're a damned snob. + +BASIL. + +Is that all? I could have invented far worse things than that to say of +myself.... [_With a change of tone._] You know, Jenny, it's not worth +while to worry ourselves about such trifles. One can't force oneself to +like people. I'm very sorry that I can't stand your relations. Why on +earth don't you resign yourself and make the best of it? + +JENNY. + +[_Vindictively._] You don't think they're good enough for you to +associate with because they're not in swell positions. + +BASIL. + +My dear Jenny, I don't in the least object to their being grocers and +haberdashers. I only wish they'd sell us things at cost price. + +JENNY. + +Jimmie isn't a grocer or a haberdasher. He's an auctioneer's clerk. + +BASIL. + +[_Ironically._] I humbly apologise. I thought he was a grocer, because +last time he did us the honour of visiting us he asked how much a pound +we paid for our tea and offered to sell us some at the same price.... +But then he also offered to insure our house against fire and to sell me +a gold mine in Australia. + +JENNY. + +Well, it's better to make a bit as best one can than to.... [_She +stops._] + +BASIL. + +[_Smiling._] Go on. Pray don't hesitate for fear of hurting my feelings. + +JENNY. + +[_Defiantly._] Well, then, it's better to do that than moon about like +you do. + +BASIL. + +[_Shrugging his shoulders._] Really, even to please you, I'm afraid I +can't go about with little samples of tea in my pocket and sell my +friends a pound or two when I call on them. Besides, I don't believe +they'd ever pay me. + +JENNY. + +[_Scornfully._] Oh no, you're a gentleman and a barrister and an author, +and you couldn't do anything to dirty those white hands that you're so +careful about, could you? + +BASIL. + +[_Looking at his hands, then up at_ JENNY.] And what is it precisely you +want me to do? + +JENNY. + +Well, you've been at the Bar for five years. I should have thought you +could make something after all that time. + +BASIL. + +I can't force the wily solicitor to give me briefs. + +JENNY. + +How do other fellows manage it? + +BASIL. + +[_With a laugh._] The simplest way, I believe, is to marry the wily +solicitor's daughter. + +JENNY. + +Instead of a barmaid? + +BASIL. + +[_Gravely._] I didn't say that, Jenny. + +JENNY. + +[_Passionately._] Oh no. You didn't say it, but you hinted it. You never +say anything, but you're always hinting and insinuating--till you drive +me out of my senses. + +BASIL. + +[_After a moment's pause, gravely._] I'm very sorry if I hurt your +feelings. I promise you I don't mean to. I always try to be kind to you. + + [_He looks at_ JENNY, _expecting her to say something + in forgiveness or in apology. But + she, shrugging her shoulders, looks down + sullenly at her work, without a word, and + begins again to sew. Then_ BASIL, _tightening + his lips, picks up writing materials and + goes towards the door_. + +JENNY. + +[_Looking up quickly._] Where are you going? + +BASIL. + +[_Stopping._] I have some letters to write. + +JENNY. + +Can't you write them here? + +BASIL. + +Certainly--if it pleases you. + +JENNY. + +Don't you want me to see who you're writing to? + +BASIL. + +I haven't the least objection to your knowing all about my +correspondence.... And that's fortunate, since you invariably make +yourself acquainted with it. + +JENNY. + +Accuse me of reading your letters now. + +BASIL. + +[_With a smile._] You always leave my papers in such disorder after +you've been to my desk. + +JENNY. + +You've got no right to say that. + + [BASIL _pauses and looks at her steadily_. + +BASIL. + +Are you willing to swear that you don't go to my desk when I'm away to +read my letters? Come, Jenny, answer that question. + +JENNY. + +[_Disturbed but forced by his glance to reply._] Well, I'm you're wife, +I have a right to know. + +BASIL. + +[_Bitterly._] You have such odd ideas about the duties of a wife, Jenny. +They include reading my letters and following me in the street. But +tolerance and charity and forbearance don't seem to come in your scheme +of things. + +JENNY. + +[_Sullenly._] Why d'you want to write your letters elsewhere? + +BASIL. + +[_Shrugging his shoulders._] I thought I should be quieter. + +JENNY. + +I suppose I disturb you? + +BASIL. + +It's a little difficult to write when you're talking. + +JENNY. + +Why shouldn't I talk? D'you think I'm not good enough, eh? I should have +thought I was more important than your letters. + + [BASIL _does not answer_. + +JENNY. + +[_Angrily._] Am I your wife or not? + +BASIL. + +[_Ironically._] You have your marriage lines carefully locked up to +prove it. + +JENNY. + +Then why don't you treat me as your wife? You seem to think I'm only fit +to see after the house and order the dinner and mend your clothes. And +after that I can go and sit in the kitchen with the servant. + +BASIL. + +[_Moving again towards the door._] D'you think it's worth while making a +scene? We seem to have said all this before so many times. + +JENNY. + +[_Interrupting him._] I want to have it out. + +BASIL. + +[_Bored._] We've been having it out twice a week for the last six +months--and we've never got anywhere yet. + +JENNY. + +I'm not going to be always put upon, I'm your wife and I'm as good as +you are. + +BASIL. + +[_With a thin smile._] Oh, my dear, if you're going in for women's +rights, you may have my vote by all means. And you can plump for all the +candidates at once if you choose. + +JENNY. + +You seem to think it's a joke. + +BASIL. + +[_Bitterly._] Oh no, I promise you I don't do that. It's lasted too +long. And God knows where it'll end.... They say the first year of +marriage is the worst; ours has been bad enough in all conscience. + +JENNY. + +[_Aggressively._] And I suppose you think it's my fault? + +BASIL. + +Don't you think we're both more or less to blame? + +JENNY. + +[_With a laugh._] Oh, I'm glad you acknowledge that you have something +to do with it. + +BASIL. + +I tried to make you happy. + +JENNY. + +Well, you haven't succeeded very well. Did you think I was likely to be +happy--when you leave me alone all day and half the night for your swell +friends that I'm not good enough for? + +BASIL. + +That's not true. I hardly ever see any of my old friends. + +JENNY. + +Except Mrs. Murray, eh? + +BASIL. + +I've seen Mrs. Murray perhaps a dozen times in the last year. + +JENNY. + +Oh, you needn't tell me that. I know it. She's a lady, isn't she? + +BASIL. + +[_Ignoring the charge._] And my work takes me away from you. I can't +always be down here. Think how bored you'd be. + +JENNY. + +A precious lot of good your work does. You can't earn enough money to +keep us out of debt. + +BASIL. + +[_Good-humouredly._] We are in debt. But we share that very respectable +condition with half the nobility and gentry in the kingdom. We're +neither of us good managers, and we've lived a bit beyond our means this +year. But in future we'll be more economical. + +JENNY. + +[_Sullenly._] All the neighbours know that we've got bills with the +tradesmen. + +BASIL. + +[_Acidly._] I'm sorry that you shouldn't have made so good a bargain as +you expected when you married me. + +JENNY. + +I wonder what you do succeed in? Your book was very successful, wasn't +it? You thought you were going to set the Thames on fire, and the book +fell flat, flat, flat. + +BASIL. + +[_Recovering his good temper._] That is a fate which has befallen better +books than mine. + +JENNY. + +It deserved it. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I didn't expect _you_ to appreciate it. It isn't given to all of us +to write about wicked earls and beautiful duchesses. + +JENNY. + +Well, I wasn't the only one. The papers praised it, didn't they? + +BASIL. + +The unanimity of their blame was the only thing that consoled me. + +JENNY. + +And one of them advised you to study an English grammar. And you're the +fine gentleman who looks down on poor things like us! + +BASIL. + +I often wonder if the reviewer who abuses you for a printer's error +realises what pleasure he causes the wife of your bosom. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I've learnt to know you so well this last six months--since the baby +died. You've got no cause to set yourself up on a pedestal. + +BASIL. + +[_With a laugh._] My dear Jenny, I never pretended to be a golden idol. + +JENNY. + +I know what you are now. And I was such a fool as to think you a hero. +You're merely a failure. In everything you try you're a miserable +failure. + +BASIL. + +[_With a slight sigh._] Perhaps you're right, Jenny. + + [BASIL _walks up and down; and then, stopping, + looks at her for a moment meditatively_. + +BASIL. + +I sometimes wonder whether we shouldn't be happier--if we lived apart. + +JENNY. + +[_With a start._] What d'you mean? + +BASIL. + +We don't seem able to get on very well. And I see no chance of things +going any better. + +JENNY. + +[_With staring eyes._] D'you mean to say you want to separate? + +BASIL. + +I think it might be better for both of us--at least for a time. Perhaps +later on we might try again. + +JENNY. + +And what'll _you_ do? + +BASIL. + +I should go abroad for a while. + +JENNY. + +With Mrs. Murray. Is that it? You want to go away with her. + +BASIL. + +[_Impatiently._] No. Of course not. + +JENNY. + +I don't believe it. You're in love with her. + +BASIL. + +You've got no right to say that. + +JENNY. + +Haven't I? I suppose I must shut my eyes and say nothing. You're in love +with her. D'you think I've not seen it in these months? That's why you +want to leave me. + +BASIL. + +It's impossible for us to live together. We shall never agree, and we +shall never be happy. For God's sake let us separate and have done with +it. + +JENNY. + +You're sick of me. You've had all you want out of me, and now I can go. +The fine lady comes along, and you send me away like a housemaid. D'you +think I can't see that you're in love with her? You'd sacrifice me +without a thought to save her a moment's unpleasantness. And because you +love her you hate me. + +BASIL. + +It's not true. + +JENNY. + +Can you deny that you're in love with her? + +BASIL. + +You're simply mad. Good heavens, I've done nothing that could give you +the least cause to be jealous. + +JENNY. + +[_Passionately._] Will you swear that you're not in love with her? Swear +it on your honour? + +BASIL. + +You're mad. + +JENNY. + +[_With growing excitement._] Swear it. You can't. You're simply madly in +love with her. + +BASIL. + +Nonsense. + +JENNY. + +Swear it. Swear it on your honour. Swear you don't care for her. + +BASIL. + +[_Shrugging his shoulders._] I swear it ... on my honour. + +JENNY. + +[_Scornfully._] It's a lie!... And she's just as much in love with you +as you are with her. + +BASIL. + +[_Seizing her wrists._] What d'you mean? + +JENNY. + +D'you think I haven't got eyes in my head? I saw it that day she came +here. D'you suppose she came to see me? She despises me. I'm not a lady. +She came here to please _you_. She was polite to me to please _you_. She +asked me to go and see her to please _you_. + +BASIL. + +[_Trying to compose himself._] It's absurd. She was an old friend of +mine. Of course she came. + +JENNY. + +I know that sort of friend. D'you think I didn't see the way she looked +at you, and how she followed you with her eyes? She simply hung on every +word you said. When you smiled, she smiled. When you laughed, she +laughed. Oh, I should think she was in love with you; I know what love +is, and I felt it. And when she looked at me I know she hated me because +I'd robbed her of you. + +BASIL. + +[_Unable to contain himself._] Oh, what a dog's life it is we lead! +We've been both utterly wretched. It can't go on--and I only see one way +out. + +JENNY. + +That's what you've been brooding over this last week, is it? Separation! +I knew there was something, and I couldn't find out what it was. + +BASIL. + +I do my best to hold myself in, but sometimes I feel it's impossible. I +shall be led to saying things that we shall both regret. For Heaven's +sake let us part. + +JENNY. + +No. + +BASIL. + +We can't go on having these awful quarrels. It's too degrading. It was a +horrible mistake that we ever married. + +JENNY. + +[_Horror-stricken._] Basil! + +BASIL. + +Oh, you must see that as well as I. We're utterly unsuited to one +another. And the baby's death removed the only necessity that held us +together. + +JENNY. + +You talk as if we only remained together because it was convenient. + +BASIL. + +[_Passionately._] Let me go, Jenny. I can't stand it any more. I feel as +if I shall go mad. + +JENNY. + +[_Full of pain and anguish._] It's nothing at all to you. + +BASIL. + +Jenny, I did my best for you a year ago. I gave you all I had to give. +It was little enough in all conscience. Now I ask you to give me back my +freedom. + +JENNY. + +[_Distracted._] You only think of yourself. What is to become of me? + +BASIL. + +You'll be much happier. It's the best thing for both of us. I'll do all +I can for you, and you can have your mother and sister to live here. + +JENNY. + +[_With a cry of grief and passion._] But I love you, Basil. + +BASIL. + +You!! Why, you've tortured me for six months beyond all endurance. +You've made all my days a burden to me. You've made my life a perfect +hell. + +JENNY. + +[_Gives a long groan of horror and dismay._] Oh! + + [_They stand facing one another, when the + housemaid_, FANNY, _comes in_. + +FANNY. + +Mr. Halliwell. + + [JOHN _comes in_. JENNY, _after taking his hand, + sinks down on a chair, paying no attention + to the following conversation; she stares in + front of her, quite distraught_. BASIL _tries + with all his might to appear calm and + natural_. + +BASIL. + +Hulloa, what are you doing in these parts? + +JOHN. + +How d'you do, Mrs. Kent? I've been having an early lunch at Richmond, +and I thought I'd just drop in on my way back. As it was Saturday +afternoon I thought I might find you. + +BASIL. + +I'm sure we're delighted to see you. [JOHN _gives a side-glance at_ +JENNY, _and slightly raises his eyebrows_.] But you've only just come in +time, because I've got to go up to town. We might travel up together. + +JOHN. + +Certainly. + +JENNY. + +Where are you going, Basil? + +BASIL. + +To Chancery Lane, to see my agent on business. + +JENNY. + +[_Suspiciously._] On Saturday afternoon? Why, he won't be there. + +BASIL. + +I have an appointment with him. + + [JENNY _does not answer, but is obviously unconvinced_. + JOHN, _somewhat embarrassed, exerts + himself to make conversation_. + +JOHN. + +I was thinking as I came along that one must lead quite an idyllic +existence in the suburbs--with the river--and one's little garden. + +BASIL. + +[_Ironically._] And the spectacle of the fifty little houses opposite +all exactly like one another. + +JOHN. + +And the quiet is perfectly enchanting. + +BASIL. + +Oh, yes. The only vehicles that disturb the peaceful seclusion are the +milk-cart and the barrel-organs. It's quite idyllic. + +JENNY. + +I think it's a very nice neighbourhood. And you get such a superior +class of people here. + +BASIL. + +I'll just go and change. [_Looking at his watch._ There's a train at +4.15. + +JOHN. + +All right, hurry up. + + [BASIL _goes out of the room_. JENNY _at once + springs to her feet and goes towards_ JOHN. + _She is distracted and hardly knows what + she says._ + +JENNY. + +Can I trust you? + +JOHN. + +What d'you mean? + + [_She stares into his eyes, doubting, trying to see + whether he will be willing to help her._ + +JENNY. + +You used to be a good sort. You never looked down on me because I was a +barmaid. Tell me I can trust you, John. There's no one I can speak to, +and I feel if I don't speak I shall go off my head. + +JOHN. + +What is the matter? + +JENNY. + +Will you tell me the truth if I ask you something? + +JOHN. + +Of course. + +JENNY. + +On your oath? + +JOHN. + +On my oath. + +JENNY. + +[_After a momentary pause._] Is there anything between Basil and Mrs. +Murray? + +JOHN. + +[_Aghast._] No. Certainly not. + +JENNY. + +How d'you know? Are you sure? You wouldn't tell me, if there was. You're +all against me because I'm not a lady.... Oh, I'm so unhappy. + + [_She tries to restrain her tears, she is half-hysterical._ + JOHN _stares at her, surprised, + at a loss for words_. + +JENNY. + +If you only knew what a life we lead! He calls it a dog's life, and he's +right. + +JOHN. + +I thought you got on so well. + +JENNY. + +Oh, before you we've always kept up appearances. He's ashamed to let you +know he regrets he ever married me. He wants to separate. + +JOHN. + +What! + +JENNY. + +[_Impatiently._] Oh, don't look so surprised. You're not an utter fool, +are you? He proposed it to-day before you came in. We'd been having one +of our rows. + +JOHN. + +But what on earth is it all about? + +JENNY. + +God knows! + +JOHN. + +It's nonsense. It can only be a little passing quarrel. You must expect +to have those. + +JENNY. + +No, it isn't. No, it isn't. He doesn't love me. He's in love with your +sister-in-law. + +JOHN. + +It's impossible. + +JENNY. + +He's always there. He was there twice last week and twice the week +before. + +JOHN. + +How d'you know? + +JENNY. + +I've followed him. + +JOHN. + +You followed him in the street, Jenny? + +JENNY. + +[_Defiantly._] Yes. If I'm not ladylike enough for him, I needn't play +the lady there. You're shocked now, I suppose? + +JOHN. + +I wouldn't presume to judge you, Jenny. + +JENNY. + +And I've read his letters, too--because I wanted to know what he was +doing. I steamed one open, and he saw it, and he never said a word. + +JOHN. + +Good heavens, why did you do it? + +JENNY. + +Because I can't live unless I know the truth. I thought it was Mrs. +Murray's handwriting. + +JOHN. + +Was it from her? + +JENNY. + +No. It was a receipt from the coal merchant. I could see how he despised +me when he looked at the envelope--I didn't stick it down again very +well. And I saw him smile when he found it was only a receipt. + +JOHN. + +Upon my word, I don't think you've got much cause to be jealous. + +JENNY. + +Oh, you don't know. Last Tuesday he was dining there, and you should +have seen the state he was in. He was so restless he couldn't sit still. +He looked at his watch every minute. His eyes simply glittered with +excitement, and I could almost hear his heart beating. + +JOHN. + +It can't be true. + +JENNY. + +He never loved me. He married me because he thought it was his duty. And +then when the baby died--he thought I'd entrapped him. + +JOHN. + +He didn't say so. + +JENNY. + +No. He never says anything--but I saw it in his eyes. [_Passionately +clasping her hands._] Oh, you don't know what our life is. For days he +doesn't say a word except to answer my questions. And the silence simply +drives me mad. I shouldn't mind if he blackguarded me. I'd rather he hit +me than simply look and look. I can see he's keeping himself in. He's +said more to-day than he's ever said before. I knew it was getting +towards the end. + +JOHN. + +[_With a helpless gesture._] I'm very sorry. + +JENNY. + +Oh, don't you pity me, too. I've had a great deal too much pity. I +don't want it. Basil married me from pity. Oh, I wish he hadn't. I can't +stand the unhappiness. + +JOHN. + +[_Gravely._] You know, Jenny, he's a man of honour. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I know he's a man of honour. I wish he had a little less of it. One +doesn't want a lot of fine sentiments in married life. They don't +work.... Oh, why couldn't I fall in love with a man of my own class? I +should have been so much happier. I used to be so proud that Basil +wasn't a clerk, or something in the City. He's right, we shall never be +happy. + +JOHN. + +[_Trying to calm her._] Oh, yes, you will. You mustn't take things too +seriously. + +JENNY. + +It isn't a matter of yesterday, or to-day, or to-morrow. I can't alter +myself. He knew I wasn't a lady when he married me. My father had to +bring up five children on two-ten a week. You can't expect a man to send +his daughters to a boarding-school at Brighton on that, and have them +finished in Paris.... He doesn't say a word when I do something or say +something a lady wouldn't--but he purses up his lips, and looks.... Then +I get so mad that I do things just to aggravate him. Sometimes I try to +be vulgar. One learns a good deal in a bar in the City, and I know so +well the things to say that'll make Basil curl up. I want to get a bit +of revenge out of him sometimes, and I know exactly where he's raw and +where I can hurt him. [_With a laugh of scorn._] You should see the way +he looks when I don't eat properly, or when I call a man a Johnny. + +JOHN. + +[_Drily._] It opens up endless possibilities of domestic unhappiness. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I know it isn't fair to him, but I lose my head. I can't always be +refined. Sometimes I can't help breaking out. I feel I must let myself +go. + +JOHN. + +Why don't you separate, then? + +JENNY. + +Because I love him. Oh, John, you don't know how I love him. I'd do +anything to make him happy. I'd give my life if he wanted it. Oh, I +can't say it, but when I think of him my heart burns so that sometimes I +can hardly breathe. I can never show him that he's all in the world to +me; I try to make him love me, and I only make him hate me. What can I +do to show him? Ah, if he only knew, I'm sure he'd not regret that he +married me. I feel--I feel as if my heart was full of music, and yet +something prevents me from ever bringing it out. + +JOHN. + +D'you think he means it seriously when he talks of separation? + +JENNY. + +He's been brooding over it. I know him so well, I knew there was +something he was thinking over. Oh, John, I couldn't live without him. +I'd rather die. If he leaves me, I swear I'll kill myself. + +JOHN. + +[_Walking up and down._] I wish I could help you. I don't see anything I +can do. + +JENNY. + +Oh, yes, there is. Speak to your sister-in-law. Ask her to have mercy on +me. Perhaps she doesn't know what she's doing. Tell her I love him.... +Take care. There's Basil. If he knew what I'd said he'd never speak to +me again. + + [BASIL _comes in, dressed in a frock-coat; with a + tall hat in his hand_. + +BASIL. + +I'm ready. We've just got time to catch the train. + +JOHN. + +All right. Good-bye, Mrs. Kent. + +JENNY. + +[_Keeping her eyes fixed on_ BASIL.] Good-bye. + + [_The two men go out._ JENNY _runs to the door + and calls out_. + +JENNY. + +Basil, I want you a moment, Basil! + + [BASIL _appears at the door_. + +JENNY. + +Are you really going to Chancery Lane? + + [BASIL _makes a movement of impatience and + goes out again without answering_. + +JENNY. + +[_Alone._] Oh, well, I'm going to see that for myself. [_Calling to the_ +MAID.] Fanny!... Bring my hat and my jacket. Quick! + + [_She runs to the window and looks out at_ BASIL + _and_ JOHN _going away_. FANNY _appears + with the clothes_. JENNY _hurriedly puts + them on_. + +JENNY. + +[_As_ FANNY _is helping her_.] What time is it? + +FANNY. + +[_Looking up at the clock._] Five minutes past four. + +JENNY. + +I think I can catch it. He said 4.15. + +FANNY. + +Will you be in to tea, mum? + +JENNY. + +I don't know. [_She runs to the door and rushes out._] + + +END OF THE SECOND ACT. + + + + +THE THIRD ACT + +THE SAME AFTERNOON. + + + [_A luxuriously furnished drawing-room at_ MRS. MURRAY'S _house in + Charles Street, Mayfair. Everything in it is beautiful, but + suggests in the owner good taste rather than originality._] + + [HILDA _is seated near a tea-table, elaborately gowned, and with + her is_ MABEL. MR. ROBERT BRACKLEY _is sitting down, a stout, + round-faced man, clean-shaven and very bald; about forty; he is + attired in the height of fashion, in a frock-coat, patent-leather + boots and an eye-glass. He talks very quickly, in a careless + frivolous fashion, and is always much amused at what he says._] + + +MABEL. + +What is the time, Mr. Brackley? + +BRACKLEY. + +I shan't tell you again. + +MABEL. + +How brutal of you! + +BRACKLEY. + +There's something unhealthy in your passion for information. I've +already told you five times. + +HILDA. + +It's very unflattering to us who've been doing our little best to amuse +you. + +MABEL. + +I can't imagine what's happened to John. He promised to fetch me here. + +HILDA. + +He's sure to come if you'll only wait patiently. + +MABEL. + +But I hate waiting patiently. + +HILDA. + +You shouldn't have let him out of your sight. + +MABEL. + +He went to Putney after luncheon to see your friend Mr. Kent. Have you +seen him lately? + +HILDA. + +John? I saw him at the Martins yesterday. + +MABEL. + +[_Slyly._] I meant Mr. Kent. + +HILDA. + +[_Indifferently._] Yes. He called the other day. [_To change the +conversation._] You're unusually silent, Mr. Brackley. + +BRACKLEY. + +[_Smiling._] I have nothing whatever to say. + +MABEL. + +That's usually when clever people talk most. + +HILDA. + +Are you doing anything now? + +BRACKLEY. + +Oh yes, I'm writing a play in blank verse. + +HILDA. + +You brave man. What is it about? + +BRACKLEY. + +Cleopatra. + +HILDA. + +Dear me! Shakespeare wrote a play about Cleopatra, didn't he? + +BRACKLEY. + +I daresay. I haven't read it. Shakespeare bores me. He lived so long +ago. + +MABEL. + +Of course there are people who read him. + +BRACKLEY. + +Are there? What do they look like? + +HILDA. + +[_Smiling._] They bear no distinctive mark of their eccentricity. + +BRACKLEY. + +The English are so original. + +MABEL. + +I think I shall go and ring up the flat. I wonder if John has gone +straight home. + +BRACKLEY. + +Do. I'm growing very uneasy about him. + +MABEL. + +[_Laughing._] You absurd creature. + + [_She goes out._ + +HILDA. + +You talk more nonsense than anyone I ever met. + +BRACKLEY. + +That's my stock in trade. You don't imagine people would read my poems +if they knew that I was sober, industrious, and economical. As a matter +of fact I lead the virtuous life of a clergyman's daughter, but not a +reviewer would notice me if he knew it. + +HILDA. + +And the little things that the indiscreet read of in the papers.... + +BRACKLEY. + +Are merely another proof of my passion for duty. The British public +wants its poets to lead romantic lives. + +HILDA. + +Are you ever serious? + +BRACKLEY. + +May I come to lunch with you on Thursday? + +HILDA. + +[_A little surprised._] Certainly. But why on Thursday? + +BRACKLEY. + +Because on that day I intend to ask you to marry me. + +HILDA. + +[_With a smile._] I'm sorry, I've just remembered that I'm lunching out. + +BRACKLEY. + +You break my heart. + +HILDA. + +On the contrary, I provide you with the materials for a sonnet. + +BRACKLEY. + +Won't you marry me? + +HILDA. + +No. + +BRACKLEY. + +Why not? + +HILDA. + +[_Amused._] I'm not in the least in love with you. + +BRACKLEY. + +People who propose to marry should ask themselves if they can look +forward with equanimity to breakfasting opposite one another for an +indefinite number of years. + +HILDA. + +You're very unromantic. + +BRACKLEY. + +My dear lady, if you want romance I'll send you my complete works bound +in vellum. I've ground out ten volumes of romance to Phyllis and Chloe +and heaven knows who. The Lord save me from a romantic wife. + +HILDA. + +But I'm afraid I'm hopelessly romantic. + +BRACKLEY. + +Well, six months of marriage with a poet will cure you. + +HILDA. + +I'd rather not be cured. + +BRACKLEY. + +Won't you be in to luncheon on Thursday? + +HILDA. + +No. + + [_The_ BUTLER _comes in_. + +BUTLER. + +Mr. Halliwell, Mr. Kent. + + [BASIL _and_ JOHN _appear_, _and at the same + moment_ MABEL _comes in from the room in + which she has been telephoning_. + +MABEL. + +[_To_ JOHN.] Wretched creature! I've been trying to ring you up. + +JOHN. + +Have I kept you waiting? I went down to Chancery Lane with Basil. + + [JOHN _turns to shake hands with_ HILDA _and_ + BRACKLEY, _while_ BASIL, _who has said how + d'you do to_ HILDA, _comes down to speak to_ + MABEL. _The conversation between_ MABEL + _and_ BASIL _is in an undertone_. + +BASIL. + +How d'you do. You must scold me for keeping John so long. + +MABEL. + +I didn't really want him, you know. + +BASIL. + +[_Pointing with his head to_ BRACKLEY.] I say, who is that? + +MABEL. + +Robert Brackley. Don't you know him? + +BASIL. + +The poet? + +MABEL. + +Of course. They say he'd have been given the Laureateship if it hadn't +been abolished at Tennyson's death. + +BASIL. + +[_Tightening his lips._] He's rather a low blackguard, isn't he? + +MABEL. + +Heavens, what's the matter with him, poor man? He's Hilda's latest +celebrity. He pretends to adore her. + +BASIL. + +Don't you remember the Grange case that he was mixed up in? + +MABEL. + +[_In tones of surprise._] But, my dear Mr. Kent, that was two years ago. + +HILDA. + +Mr. Kent, I want to introduce you to Mr. Brackley. + +BASIL. + +[_Going up._] How d'you do. + + [JOHN _comes down to his wife_. + +MABEL. + +Wretched creature! + +JOHN. + +I say, Mabel, is Basil often here? + +MABEL. + +I don't know. I met him here last week. + +JOHN. + +Why the Dickens does he come? He's got no business to. + +MABEL. + +You brought him yourself to-day. + +JOHN. + +I didn't. He insisted on coming--when I said I had to fetch you. + +MABEL. + +Perhaps he came to see me. + +JOHN. + +Fiddledidee! I think you ought to speak to Hilda about it. + +MABEL. + +My dear John, are you mad? She'd jump down my throat. + +JOHN. + +Why does she let him hang about her? She must know she's turning his +silly head. + +MABEL. + +I daresay she wants to prove to him that he showed very bad taste a year +ago. It is rather annoying when you're attached to a young man that he +should go and marry somebody else. + +JOHN. + +Well, I don't think she's playing the game, and I shall tell her so. + +MABEL. + +She'll snub you awfully. + +JOHN. + +I don't care.... Look here, you make a diversion so that I can get hold +of her. + +MABEL. + +How? + +JOHN. + +[_Dryly._] I don't know. Exercise your invention. + +MABEL. + +[_Going towards the others._] Hilda, John is clamouring for some tea. + +HILDA. + +[_Coming down._] Why on earth can't he help himself? + +JOHN. + +My native modesty prevents. + +HILDA. + +That's quite a new trait in you. + + [HILDA _sits down and pours out tea for_ JOHN. + _He looks at her silently._ + +HILDA. + +You've been lunching at Richmond? + +JOHN. + +Yes.... Then I went on to Putney. + +HILDA. + +You've been making quite a day of it. + +JOHN. + +[_Taking the cup._] I say, old gal--you're not going to make a fool of +yourself, are you? + +HILDA. + +[_Opening her eyes._] Oh, I hope not. Why? + +JOHN. + +I thought it might have slipped your memory that Basil was married about +a year ago. + +HILDA. + +[_Freezing._] What on earth d'you mean? [_Calling_] Mabel. + +JOHN. + +One moment.... You can give me a little conversation, can't you? + +HILDA. + +I'm afraid you're going to bore me. + +JOHN. + +[_Good-humouredly._] I assure you I'm not.... Isn't Basil here rather +often? + +HILDA. + +I wonder you haven't learnt to mind your own business, John. + +JOHN. + +Don't you think it's rather rough on that poor little woman in Putney? + +HILDA. + +[_With a suspicion of contempt._] I went down to see her. I thought she +was vulgar and pretentious. I'm afraid I can't arouse any interest in +her. + +JOHN. + +[_Gently._] She may be vulgar, but she told me her love was like music +in her heart. Don't you think she must have suffered awfully to get hold +of a thought like that? + +HILDA. + +[_After a pause, changing suddenly both voice and manner._] And d'you +think I've not suffered, John? I'm so unhappy. + +JOHN. + +Do you really care for him? + +HILDA. + +[_In a low voice hoarse with passion._] No, I don't care for him. I +worship the very ground he treads on. + +JOHN. + +[_Very gravely._] Then you must do as you think best.... You're playing +the most dangerous game in the world. You're playing with human +hearts.... Good-bye. + +HILDA. + +[_Taking his hand._] Good-bye, John. You're not angry with me because I +was horrid.... I'm glad you told me about his wife. Now I shall know +what to do. + +JOHN. + +Mabel. + +MABEL. + +[_Coming forward._] Yes, we really must be going. I've not seen my +precious baby for two hours. + +HILDA. + +[_Taking both her hands._] Good-bye, you happy child. You've got a +precious baby, and you've got a husband you love. What can you want +more? + +MABEL. + +[_Flippantly._] I want a motor-car. + +HILDA. + +[_Kissing her._] Good-bye, darling. + + [MABEL _and_ JOHN _go out_. + +BRACKLEY. + +I like this room, Mrs. Murray. It never seems to say to you: now it's +really time for you to go away, as some drawing-rooms do. + +HILDA. + +[_Recovering her serenity._] I suppose it's the furniture. I'm thinking +of changing it. + +BRACKLEY. + +[_With a smile._] Upon my word, that almost suggests that I've outstayed +my welcome. + +HILDA. + +[_Gaily._] I shouldn't have said that if I didn't know that nothing +would induce you to go till you wanted to. + +BRACKLEY. + +[_Rising._] You know me like your glove. But it really is growing +monstrous late. + +HILDA. + +You mustn't go till you've told me who the fair charmer was I saw you +with at the play last night. + +BRACKLEY. + +Ah, the green-eyed monster! + +HILDA. + +[_Laughing._] Don't be so absurd, but I thought you'd like to know her +yellow hair was dyed. + + [BASIL _looks over the pages of a book_, _somewhat + annoyed that_ HILDA _takes no notice of him_. + +BRACKLEY. + +Of course it was dyed. That was just the charm of it. Any woman can have +yellow hair naturally: there's no more credit in that than in having it +blue or green. + +HILDA. + +I've always wanted to make mine purple. + +BRACKLEY. + +Don't you think women ought to be artificial? It's just as much their +duty to rouge their cheeks and powder their noses as it is for them to +wear nice frocks. + +HILDA. + +But I know many women who wear horrid frocks. + +BRACKLEY. + +Oh, those are the others. I treat them as non-existent. + +_Hilda._ + +What do you mean? + +BRACKLEY. + +There are only two sorts of women in the world--the women who powder +their noses and the others. + +HILDA. + +And who are they if you please? + +BRACKLEY. + +I haven't examined the matter very carefully, but I understand they are +clergymen's daughters by profession. + + [_He shakes hands with her._ + +HILDA. + +It's so nice of you to have come. + +BRACKLEY. + +[_Nodding at_ BASIL.] Good-bye.... May I come again soon? + +HILDA. + +[_Looking at him quickly._] Were you serious just now, or were you +laughing at me? + +BRACKLEY. + +I've never been more serious in my life. + +HILDA. + +Then perhaps I shall be in to luncheon on Thursday after all. + +BRACKLEY. + +A thousand thanks. Good-bye. + + [_He nods to_ BASIL _and goes out_. HILDA _looks + at_ BASIL _with a smile_. + +HILDA. + +Is that a very interesting book? + +BASIL. + +[_Putting it down._] I thought that man was never going away. + +HILDA. + +[_Laughing._] I suspect he thought precisely the same of you. + +BASIL. + +[_Ill-temperedly._] What an ass he is! How _can_ you stand him? + +HILDA. + +I'm rather attached to him. I don't take everything he says very +seriously. And young men ought to be foolish. + +BASIL. + +He didn't strike me as so juvenile as all that. + +HILDA. + +He's only forty, poor thing--and I've never known a coming young man who +was less than that. + +BASIL. + +He's a young man with a very bald head. + +HILDA. + +[_Amused._] I wonder why you dislike him! + +BASIL. + +[_With a jealous glance, icily._] I thought he wasn't admitted into +decent houses. + +HILDA. + +[_Opening her eyes._] He comes here, Mr. Kent. + +BASIL. + +[_Unable to restrain his ill-temper._] Don't you know that he's been +mixed up in every scandal for the last twenty years? + +HILDA. + +[_Good-humouredly_, _seeing that_ BASIL _is merely jealous_.] There must +be people in the world to provide gossip for their neighbours. + +BASIL. + +It's no business of mine. I have no right to talk to you like this. + +HILDA. + +I wonder why you do it? + +BASIL. + +[_Almost savagely._] Because I love you. + + [_There is a little pause._ + +HILDA. + +[_With a smile, ironically._] Won't you have some more tea, Mr. Kent? + +BASIL. + +[_Going up to her, speaking with a sort of vehement gravity._] You don't +know what I've suffered. You don't know what a hell my life is.... I +tried so hard to prevent myself from coming here. When I married I swore +I'd break with all my old friends.... When I married I found I loved +_you_. + +HILDA. + +I can't listen to you if you talk like that. + +BASIL. + +D'you want me to go? + + [_She does not answer for a moment, but walks + up and down in agitation. At last she + stops and faces him._ + +HILDA. + +Did you hear me tell Mr. Brackley to come on Thursday? + +BASIL. + +Yes. + +HILDA. + +He's asked me to be his wife. And on Thursday I shall give him an +answer. + +BASIL. + +Hilda! + +HILDA. + +[_Earnestly._] It's you who've driven me into it. + +BASIL. + +Hilda, what are you going to say to him? + +HILDA. + +I don't know--perhaps, yes? + +BASIL. + +Oh, Hilda, Hilda, you don't care for him? + +HILDA. + +[_Shrugging her shoulders._] He amuses me. I dare say we should get on +very well together. + +BASIL. + +[_Passionately._] Oh, you can't. You don't know what you're doing. I +thought--I thought you loved me. + +HILDA. + +It's because I love you that I shall marry Mr. Brackley. + +BASIL. + +Oh, it's absurd. I won't let you. You're making us both utterly +wretched. I won't let you sacrifice our happiness. Oh, Hilda, I love +you. I can't live without you. At first I tried to resist seeing you. I +used to pass your door and look up at your windows; and the door seemed +as if it were waiting for me. And at the end of the street I used to +look back. Oh, how I used to want to come in and see you once more! I +thought if I saw you just once, I should get over it. And at last I +couldn't help myself. I'm so weak. Do you despise me? + +HILDA. + +[_Almost in a whisper._] I don't know. + +BASIL. + +And you were so kind I couldn't help coming again. I thought I did no +harm. + +HILDA. + +I saw you were unhappy. + +BASIL. + +I should think I was unhappy. For months I've dreaded going home. When I +saw my house as I walked along I almost turned sick. You don't know how +fervently I've wished that I'd got killed in the war. I can't go on. + +HILDA. + +But you must. It's your duty. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I think I've had enough of duty and honour. I've used up all my +principles in the last year. + +HILDA. + +Don't say that, Basil. + +BASIL. + +After all, it's my own fault. I brought it on myself, and I must take +the consequences.... But I haven't the strength, I don't love her. + +HILDA. + +Then don't let her ever find it out. Be kind to her, and gentle and +forbearing. + +BASIL. + +I can't be kind and gentle and forbearing day after day, for weeks, and +months, and years. + +HILDA. + +I thought you were a brave man. They wouldn't have given you that medal +if you'd been a coward. + +BASIL. + +Oh, my dearest, it's not hard to risk your life in the midst of battle. +I can do that--but this needs more strength than I've got. I tell you I +can't endure it. + +HILDA. + +[_Tenderly._] But it'll get better. You'll get used to one another, and +you'll understand one another better. + +BASIL. + +We're too different. It's impossible for it to get better. We can't even +go on as we have been. I've felt that the end was coming. + +HILDA. + +But try--try for my sake. + +BASIL. + +You don't know what it is. Everything she says, everything she does, +jars upon me so frightfully. I try to restrain myself. I clench my teeth +to prevent myself from breaking out at her. Sometimes I can't help it, +and I say things that I'd give anything to have left unsaid. She's +dragging me down. I'm getting as common and vulgar as she is. + +HILDA. + +How can you say that of your wife? + +BASIL. + +Don't you think I must have gone through a good deal before I could +acknowledge to myself what she was? I'm chained to her for all my life. +And when I look into the future--I see her a vulgar, slatternly shrew +like her mother, and myself abject, degraded, and despicable. The woman +never tires in her conflict with the man, and in the end _he_ always +succumbs. A man, when he marries a woman like that, thinks he's going to +lift her up to his own station. The fool! It's she who drags him down to +hers. + +HILDA. + +[_Much disturbed, rising from her seat._] I wanted you to be so happy. + +BASIL. + +[_Going towards her._] Hilda! + +HILDA. + +No--don't.... Please! + +BASIL. + +If it weren't for you I couldn't have lived. It was only by seeing you +that I gathered courage to go on with it. And each time I came here I +loved you more passionately. + +HILDA. + +Oh, why did you come? + +BASIL. + +I couldn't help it. I knew it was poison, but I loved the poison. I +would give my whole soul for one look of your eyes. + +HILDA. + +If you care for me at all, do your duty like a brave man--and let me +respect you. + +BASIL. + +Say that you love me, Hilda. + +HILDA. + +[_Distracted._] You're making our friendship impossible. Don't you see +that you're preventing me from ever having you here again? + +BASIL. + +I can't help it. + +HILDA. + +I ought never to have seen you again. I thought there was no harm in +your coming, and I--I couldn't bear to lose you altogether. + +BASIL. + +Even if I never see you again, I must tell you now that I love you. I +made you suffer, I was blind. But I love you with all my heart, Hilda. +All day I think of you, and I dream of you in the night. I long to take +you in my arms and kiss you, to kiss your lips, and your beautiful hair, +and your hands. My whole soul is yours, Hilda. + + [_He goes towards her again to take her in his + arms._ + +HILDA. + +Oh, no, go away. For God's sake, go now. I can't bear it. + +BASIL. + +Hilda, I can't live without you. + +HILDA. + +Have mercy on me. Don't you see how weak I am? Oh, God help me! + +BASIL. + +You don't love me? + +HILDA. + +[_Vehemently._] You know I love you. But because of my great love I +beseech you to do your duty. + +BASIL. + +My duty is to be happy. Let us go where we can love one another--away +from England, to a land where love isn't sinful and ugly. + +HILDA. + +Oh, Basil, let us try to walk straight. Think of your wife, who loves +you also--as much as I do. You're all the world to her. You can't treat +her so shamefully. + + [_She puts her handkerchief to her eyes, and_ BASIL + _gently takes away her hand_. + +BASIL. + +Don't cry, Hilda. I can't bear it. + +HILDA. + +[_In broken tones._] Don't you understand that we could never respect +ourselves again if we did that poor creature such a fearful wrong? She +would be always between us with her tears and her sorrows. I tell you I +couldn't bear it. Have mercy on me--if you love me at all. + +BASIL. + +[_Wavering._] Hilda, it's too hard. I can't leave you. + +HILDA. + +You must. I _know_ it's better to do our duty. For my sake, dearest, go +back to your wife, and don't let her ever know that you love me. It's +because we're stronger than she that we must sacrifice ourselves. + + [_He leans his head on his hands, and sighs + deeply. For a while they remain in silence. + At last, with another sigh, he gets up._ + +BASIL. + +I don't know any longer what's right and what's wrong. It all seems +confused. It's very hard. + +HILDA. + +[_Hoarsely._] It's just as hard for me, Basil. + +BASIL. + +[_Broken-hearted._] Good-bye, then. I dare say you're right. And perhaps +I should only make you very unhappy. + +HILDA. + +Good-bye, my dearest. + + [_He bends down and kisses her hands. She + stifles a sob. He goes slowly to the door, + with his back turned to her; and then_ + HILDA, _unable to endure it, gives a groan_. + +HILDA. + +Basil. Don't go. + +BASIL. + +[_With a cry of joy._] Ah! Hilda. + + [_He clasps her passionately in his arms._ + +HILDA. + +Oh, I can't bear it. I won't lose you. Basil, say you love me. + +BASIL. + +[_In a madness of joy._] Yes. I love you with all my heart. + +HILDA. + +I could have borne it if you'd been happy. + +BASIL. + +Now _nothing_ can separate us, Hilda. You belong to me for ever. + +HILDA. + +God help me! What have I done? + +BASIL. + +If we lose our souls, what does it matter? We gain the whole world. + +HILDA. + +Oh, Basil, I want your love. I want your love so badly. + +BASIL. + +Will you come with me, Hilda? I can take you to a land where the whole +earth speaks only of love--and where only love and youth and beauty +matter. + +HILDA. + +Let us go where we can be together always. We have so short a time; let +us snatch all the happiness we can. + +BASIL. + +[_Kissing her again._] My darling. + +HILDA. + +Oh, Basil, Basil.... [_She starts away._] Take care! + + [_The_ BUTLER _comes in_.] + +BUTLER. + +Mrs. Kent. + + [JENNY _enters hurriedly, as he gives her name. + The_ BUTLER _at once goes out_. + +BASIL. + +Jenny! + +JENNY. + +I've caught you. + +BASIL. + +[_Trying to be urbane_--_to_ HILDA] I think you know my wife. + +JENNY. + +[_In a loud angry voice._] Oh, yes, I know her. You needn't introduce +me. I've come for my husband. + +BASIL. + +Jenny, what are you saying? + +JENNY. + +Oh, I don't want any of your Society shams. I've come here to speak out. + +BASIL. + +[_To_ HILDA.] Would you mind leaving us alone? + +JENNY. + +[_Also to_ HILDA, _passionately_.] No, I want to speak to you. You're +trying to get my husband from me. He's _my_ husband. + +BASIL. + +Be quiet, Jenny. Are you mad? Mrs. Murray, for God's sake leave us. +She'll insult you. + +JENNY. + +You think of her, you don't think of me. You don't care how much I +suffer. + +BASIL. + +[_Taking her arm._] Come away, Jenny. + +JENNY. + +[_Shaking him off._] I won't. You're afraid to let me see her. + +HILDA. + +[_Pale and trembling, conscience-stricken._] Let her speak. + +JENNY. + +[_Going up to_ HILDA _threateningly_.] You're stealing my husband from +me. Oh, you.... [_She is at a loss for words violent enough._ + +HILDA. + +I don't want to make you unhappy, Mrs. Kent. + +JENNY. + +You can't get round me with polite words. I'm sick of all that. I want +to speak straight. + +BASIL. + +[_To_ HILDA.] Please go. You can do no good. + +JENNY. + +[_Still more vehemently._] You're stealing my husband from me. You're a +wicked woman. + +HILDA. + +[_Almost in a whisper._] If you like I'll promise you never to see your +husband again. + +JENNY. + +[_With angry scorn._] Much good your promises will do me. I wouldn't +believe a word you said. I know what Society ladies are. We know all +about them in the City. + +BASIL. + +[_To_ HILDA.] You _must_ leave us alone. + + [_He opens the door, and she goes out, looking + away from him._ + +JENNY. + +[_Savagely._] She's frightened of me. She daren't stand up to me. + +BASIL. + +[_As_ HILDA _goes_.] I'm so sorry. + +JENNY. + +You're sorry for her. + +BASIL. + +[_Turning on her._] Yes, I am. What d'you mean by coming here and +behaving like this? + +JENNY. + +I've caught you at last.... You liar! You dirty liar! You told me you +were going to Chancery Lane. + +BASIL. + +I have been to Chancery Lane. + +JENNY. + +Oh, I know you have--for five minutes. It was only an excuse. You might +just as well have come here straight. + +BASIL. + +[_Angrily._] How dare you follow me? + +JENNY. + +I've got a right to follow you. + +BASIL. + +[_Unable to contain himself._] What d'you want here? + +JENNY. + +I want you. D'you think I didn't guess what was going on? I saw you come +in with Halliwell. Then I saw him go out with his wife. Then another man +went out, and I knew you were alone with her. + +BASIL. + +[_Sharply._] How did you know? + +JENNY. + +I gave the butler a sovereign, and he told me. + +BASIL. + +[_Looking for a word to express his contempt._] Oh, you ... you cad! +It's only what I should have expected you to do. + +JENNY. + +And then I waited for you, and you didn't come. And at last I couldn't +wait any longer. + +BASIL. + +Well, you've finished it now. + +[JENNY _catches sight of a photograph of_ BASIL, _standing on a table_. + +JENNY. + +[_Pointing to it._] What's she got your photograph here for? + +BASIL. + +I gave it to Mrs. Murray before I was married. + +JENNY. + +She's got no right to keep it there. + + [_She takes the photograph and flings it violently + on the floor._ + +BASIL. + +Jenny, what are you doing? + + [JENNY _digs her heel into it savagely, viciously_. + +JENNY. + +[_Hissing the words._] Oh, I hate her. I hate her. + +BASIL. + +[_Striving to contain himself._] You drive me perfectly mad. You'll make +me say things that I shall regret all my life. For Heaven's sake, go. + +JENNY. + +I shan't go till you come with me. + +BASIL. + +[_Beside himself._] I choose to remain. + +JENNY. + +What d'you mean? + +BASIL. + +Look here, until to-day I swear to you before God that I've never done +anything or said anything that you couldn't have known. Do you believe +me? + +JENNY. + +I don't believe that you're not in love with that woman. + +BASIL. + +I don't ask you to. + +JENNY. + +What! + +BASIL. + +I said, until to-day I've been absolutely faithful to you. Heaven knows, +I've tried to do my duty. I've done all I could to make you happy. And +I've struggled with all my might to love you. + +JENNY. + +Say it out if you've got anything to say, I'm not afraid to hear. + +BASIL. + +I don't wish to deceive you. It's best that you should know what has +happened. + +JENNY. + +[_Scornfully._] Now for another thumping lie. + +BASIL. + +This afternoon I told Hilda I loved her.... And she loves me too. + +JENNY. + +[_With a cry of rage._] Oh! + + [_She hits at his face with her umbrella, but he + wards the blow, and, snatching the umbrella + from her, throws it away._ + +BASIL. + +You've brought it on yourself. You made me too unhappy. + + [JENNY, _panting and bewildered, stands helpless, + trying to control herself_. + +BASIL. + +And now it's the end. The life we led was impossible. I tried to do +something that was beyond my power. I'm going away. I can't and I won't +live with you any longer. + +JENNY. + +[_Frightened at herself and at what he says._] Basil, you don't mean +that? + +BASIL. + +I've struggled against it for months. And now I'm beaten. + +JENNY. + +You've got me to count with. I won't let you go. + +BASIL. + +[_Bitterly._] What more d'you want? Isn't it enough that you've ruined +my whole life? + +JENNY. + +[_Hoarsely._] You don't love me? + +BASIL. + +I never loved you. + +JENNY. + +Why did you marry me? + +BASIL. + +Because you made me. + +JENNY. + +[_In a whisper._] You never loved me--even at the beginning? + +BASIL. + +Never. + +JENNY. + +Basil! + +BASIL. + +It's too late now to keep it in. I must tell you and have done with it. +_You've_ been having it out for months--now it's my turn. + +JENNY. + +[_Going up to him and trying to put her arm round his neck._] But I love +you, Basil. I'll make you love me. + +BASIL. + +[_Shrinking from her._] Don't touch me! + +JENNY. + +[_With a movement of despair._] I really think you loathe me. + +BASIL. + +For Heaven's sake, Jenny, let us finish with it. I'm very sorry. I don't +wish to be unkind to you. But you must have seen that--that I didn't +care for you. What's the good of going on humbugging, and pretending, +and making ourselves utterly wretched? + +JENNY. + +Yes, I've seen it. But I wouldn't believe it. When I've put my hand on +your shoulder, I've seen that you could hardly help shuddering. And +sometimes when I've kissed you, I've seen you put out all your strength +to prevent yourself from pushing me away. + +BASIL. + +Jenny, I can't help it if I don't love you. I can't help it if I--if I +love some one else. + +JENNY. + +[_Dazed and cowed._] What are you going to do? + +BASIL. + +I'm going away. + +JENNY. + +Where? + +BASIL. + +God knows. + + [_There is a knock at the door._ + +BASIL. + +Come in. + + [_The_ BUTLER _enters with a note, which he gives + to_ BASIL. + +BUTLER. + +Mrs. Murray told me to give you this note, Sir. + +BASIL. + +[_Taking it._] Thank you. + + [_He opens and reads it as the_ SERVANT _goes out + of the room, then looks up at_ JENNY, _who + is anxiously watching him_. + +[_Reading._] "You may tell your wife that I've made up my mind to marry +Mr. Brackley. I will never see you again." + +JENNY. + +What does she mean? + +BASIL. + +[_Bitterly._] Isn't it clear? Some one has asked her to marry him, and +she means to accept. + +JENNY. + +But you said she loved you. + + [_He shrugs his shoulders without answering._ + JENNY _goes up to him imploringly_. + +JENNY. + +Oh, Basil, if it's true, give me another chance. She doesn't love you as +I love you. I've been selfish and quarrelsome and exacting, but I've +always loved you. Oh, don't leave me, Basil. Let me try once more if I +can't make you care for me. + +BASIL. + +[_Looking down, hoarsely._] I'm very sorry. It's too late. + +JENNY. + +[_Despairingly._] Oh, God, what shall I do? And even though she's going +to marry somebody else, you care for her better than any one else in the +world? + +BASIL. + +[_In a whisper._] Yes. + +JENNY. + +And even if she does marry that other man she'll love you still. There's +no room for me between you. I can go away like a discharged servant.... +Oh, God! oh, God! what have I done to deserve it? + +BASIL. + +[_Touched by her utter misery._] I'm very sorry to make you so unhappy. + +JENNY. + +Oh, don't pity me. D'you think I want your pity now? + +BASIL. + +You had better come away, Jenny. + +JENNY. + +No. You've told me you don't want me any more. I shall go my own way. + +BASIL. + +[_Looks at her for a moment, hesitating; then shrugs his shoulders._] +Then good-bye. + + [_He goes out, and_ JENNY, _looking after him, + passes her hand wearily over her forehead_. + +JENNY. + +[_With a sigh._] He's so glad to go.... [_She gives a little sob._] +They've got no room for me. + + [_She takes up from the floor the photograph on + which she stamped, and looks at it; then + sinks down, burying her face in her hands, + and bursts into a passion of tears._ + + +END OF THE THIRD ACT. + + + + +THE FOURTH ACT. + +THE NEXT MORNING. + + + [_The scene is the same as in the Second Act, the drawing-room at + Basil's house in Putney._ BASIL _is sitting at the table, with his + head in his hands. He looks tired and worn; his face is very white, + and there are great black lines under his eyes. His hair is + dishevelled. On the table lies a revolver._ + + + [_A knock at the door._ + +BASIL. + +[_Without looking up._] Come in. + + [FANNY _enters_.] + +FANNY. + +[_Subdued and pale._] I came to see if you wanted anything, sir. + +BASIL. + +[_Looking up at her slowly, his voice is dull and hoarse._] No. + +FANNY. + +Shall I open the windows, Sir? It's a beautiful morning. + +BASIL. + +No, I'm cold. Make up the fire. + +FANNY. + +Wouldn't you like a cup of tea? You ought to 'ave something after not +going to bed all night. + +BASIL. + +I don't want anything.... Don't worry, there's a good woman. + + [FANNY _puts coals on the fire, while BASIL + listlessly watches her_. + +BASIL. + +How long is it since you sent the telegrams? + +FANNY. + +I took them the moment the office was opened. + +BASIL. + +What's the time? + +FANNY. + +Well, sir, it must be 'alf-past nine by now. + +BASIL. + +Good Heavens, how slowly the hours go. I thought the night would never +end.... Oh, God, what shall I do? + +FANNY. + +I'll make you a strong cup of tea. If you don't 'ave something to pull +you together--I don't know what'll 'appen to you. + +BASIL. + +Yes, make it quickly, I'm thirsty.... And I'm so cold. + + [_A ring at the front door is heard._ + +BASIL. + +[_Jumping up._] There's some one at the door, Fanny. Hurry up. + + [_She goes out, and he follows her to the door of + the room._ + +BASIL. + +Fanny, don't let any one up beside Mr. Halliwell. Say I can see no one. +[_He waits for a moment, anxiously._] Is that you, John? + +JOHN. + +[_Outside._] Yes. + +BASIL. + +[_To himself._] Thank God! + + [JOHN _comes in_. + +BASIL. + +I thought you were never coming. I begged you to come at once. + +JOHN. + +I started immediately I got your wire. + +BASIL. + +It seems hours since the girl went to the post-office. + +JOHN. + +What's the matter? + +BASIL. + +[_Hoarsely._] Don't you know? I thought I had said it in my telegram. + +JOHN. + +You simply wired that you were in great trouble. + +BASIL. + +I suppose I thought you'd see it in the papers. + +JOHN. + +What on earth d'you mean? I've not seen a paper. Where's your wife? + +BASIL. + +[_After a pause, almost in a whisper._] She's dead. + +JOHN. + +[_Thunderstruck._] Good God! + +BASIL. + +[_Impatiently._] Don't look at me like that. Isn't it plain enough? +Don't you understand? + +JOHN. + +But she was all right yesterday. + +BASIL. + +[_Dully._] Yes. She was all right yesterday. + +JOHN. + +For goodness sake tell me what you mean, Basil. + +BASIL. + +She's dead.... And she was all right yesterday. + + [JOHN _does not understand. He is greatly + distressed, and does not know what to say._ + +BASIL. + +I killed her--as surely as if I'd strangled her with my own hands. + +JOHN. + +What d'you mean? She's not really dead! + +BASIL. + +[_In agony._] She threw herself into the river last night. + +JOHN. + +How awful! + +BASIL. + +Haven't you got something more to say than how awful? I feel as if I +were going mad. + +JOHN. + +But I can't understand! Why did she do it? + +BASIL. + +Oh--yesterday we had an awful row ... before you came. + +JOHN. + +I know. + +BASIL. + +Then she followed me to ... to your sister-in-law's. And she came up and +made another scene. Then I lost my head. I was so furious, I don't know +what I said. I was mad. I told her I'd have nothing more to do with +her.... Oh, I can't bear it, I can't bear it. + + [_He breaks down and hides his face in his hands, + sobbing._ + +JOHN. + +Come, Basil--pull yourself together a bit. + +BASIL. + +[_Looking up despairingly._] I can hear her voice now. I can see the +look of her eyes. She asked me to give her another chance, and I +refused. It was so pitiful to hear the way she appealed to me, only I +was mad, and I couldn't feel it. + + [FANNY _comes in with the cup of tea, which_ + BASIL _silently takes and drinks_. + +FANNY. + +[_To_ JOHN.] He ain't slept a wink all night, sir.... No more 'ave I, +for the matter of that. + + [JOHN _nods, but does not answer; and_ FANNY, + _wiping her eyes with her apron, leaves the + room_. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I'd give everything not to have said what I did. I'd always held +myself in before, but yesterday--I couldn't. + +JOHN. + +Well? + +BASIL. + +I didn't get back here till nearly ten, and the maid told me Jenny had +just gone out. I thought she'd gone back to her mother's. + +JOHN. + +Yes? + +BASIL. + +And soon after a constable came up and asked me to go down to the river. +He said there'd been an accident.... She was dead. A man had seen her +walk along the tow-path and throw herself in. + +JOHN. + +Where is she now? + +BASIL. + +[_Pointing to one of the doors._] In there. + +JOHN. + +Will you take me in? + +BASIL. + +Go in alone, John. I daren't, I'm afraid to look at her. I can't bear +the look on her face.... I killed her--as surely as if I'd strangled her +with my own hands. I've been looking at the door all night, and once I +thought I heard a sound. I thought she was coming to reproach me for +killing her. + + [JOHN _goes to the door, and as he opens it_, BASIL + _averts his head. When_ JOHN _shuts the + door after him, he looks at it with staring, + frightened eyes, half mad with agony. He + tries to contain himself. After a while_ + JOHN _comes back, very quietly_. + +BASIL. + +[_Whispering._] What does she look like? + +JOHN. + +There's nothing to be afraid of, Basil. She might be sleeping. + +BASIL. + +[_Clenching his hands._] But the ghastly pallor.... + +JOHN. + +[_Gravely._] She's happier than she would ever have been if she'd lived. + + [BASIL _sighs deeply_. + +JOHN. + +[_Seeing the revolver._] What's this for? + +BASIL. + +[_With a groan of self-contempt._] I tried to kill myself in the night. + +JOHN. + +H'm! + + [_He takes the cartridges out and puts the revolver + in his pocket._ + +BASIL. + +[_Bitterly._] Oh, don't be afraid, I haven't got the pluck.... I was +afraid to go on living. I thought if I killed myself it would be a +reparation for her death. I went down to the river, and I walked along +the tow-path to the same spot--but I couldn't do it. The water looked so +black and cold and pitiless. And yet she did it so easily. She just +walked along and threw herself in. [_A pause._] Then I came back, and I +thought I'd shoot myself. + +JOHN. + +D'you think that would have done any one much good? + +BASIL. + +I despised myself. I felt I hadn't the right to live, and I thought it +would be easier just to pull a trigger.... People say it's cowardly to +destroy oneself, they don't know what courage it wants. I couldn't face +the pain--and then, I don't know what's on the other side. After all, it +may be true that there's a cruel, avenging God, who will punish us to +all eternity if we break His unknown laws. + +JOHN. + +I'm very glad you sent for me. You had better come back to London, and +stay with me for the present. + +BASIL. + +And d'you know what happened in the night? I couldn't go to bed. I felt +I could never sleep again--and then, presently, I dozed off quite +quietly in my chair. And I slept as comfortably--as if Jenny weren't +lying in there, cold and dead. And the maid pities me because she thinks +I passed as sleepless a night as she did. + + [_A sound of voices is heard outside, in altercation._ + FANNY _comes in_. + +FANNY. + +Please, sir, Mr. James. + +BASIL. + +[_Angrily._] I won't see him. + +FANNY. + +He won't go away, I told 'im you was too ill to see anybody. + +BASIL. + +I won't see him. I knew he'd be round, curse him! + +JOHN. + +After all, I suppose he has a certain right to come here--under the +circumstances. Hadn't you better see what he wants? + +BASIL. + +Oh, he'll make a scene. I shall knock him down. I've suffered too much +through him already. + +JOHN. + +Let _me_ see him. You don't want him to make a fuss at the inquest. + +BASIL. + +I've been thinking of that. I know the stories he and his people will +make up. And the papers will get hold of it, and every one will +blackguard me. They'll say it was my fault. + +JOHN. + +D'you mind if I have a talk to him? I think I can save you from all +that. + +BASIL. + +[_Shrugging his shoulders, impatiently._] Do whatever you like. + +JOHN. + +[_To_ FANNY.] Show him up, Fanny. + +FANNY. + +Yes, sir. + + [_She goes out._ + +BASIL. + +Then I shall go. + + [JOHN _nods, and_ BASIL _goes out by the door + next to that of the room in which_ JENNY _is + lying._ JAMES BUSH _appears_. + +JOHN. + +[_Grave and cold._] Good morning, Mr. Bush. + +JAMES. + +[_Aggressively._] Where's that man? + +JOHN. + +[_Raising his eyebrows._] It's usual to take one's hat off in other +people's houses. + +JAMES. + +I'm a man of principle, I am; and I keep my 'at on to show it. + +JOHN. + +Ah, well, we won't discuss the point. + +JAMES. + +I want to see that man. + +JOHN. + +May I ask to whom you're referring? There are so many men in the world. +In fact, it's very over-crowded. + +JAMES. + +Who are you, I should like to know? + +JOHN. + +[_Politely._] My name is Halliwell. I had the pleasure of meeting you at +Basil's rooms in Bloomsbury. + +JAMES. + +[_Aggressively._] I know that. + +JOHN. + +I beg your pardon. I thought you were asking for information. + +JAMES. + +I tell you I want to see my brother-in-law. + +JOHN. + +I'm afraid you can't. + +JAMES. + +I tell you I will see 'im. He's murdered my sister. He's a blackguard +and a murderer, and I'll tell him so to his face. + +JOHN. + +[_Sarcastic._] Take care he doesn't hear you. + +JAMES. + +I want him to hear me. I'm not frightened of him. I should just like to +see him touch me now. [_He sidles viciously to_ JOHN.] H'm, you tried to +keep me out, did yer? Said I couldn't come to my sister's 'ouse--and +kept me waitin' in the 'all like a tradesman. Oh, I'll make you all pay +for this. I'll get my own back now. Measley set of West End curs, that's +all you are. + +JOHN. + +Mr. Bush, you'll be so good as to keep a civil tongue in your mouth +while you're here--and you'll talk less loudly. + +JAMES. + +[_Scornfully._] Who says so? + +JOHN. + +[_Looking at him quietly._] I do. + +JAMES. + +[_Less decisively._] Don't you try and bully me. + +JOHN. + +[_Pointing to a chair._] Won't you sit down? + +JAMES. + +No, I won't sit down. This ain't the 'ouse that a gentleman would sit +down in. I'll be even with 'im yet. I'll tell the jury a pretty story. +He deserves to be strung up, he does. + +JOHN. + +I can't tell you how extremely sorry I am for what has happened. + +JAMES. + +Oh, don't try and get round me. + +JOHN. + +Really, Mr. Bush, you have no reason to be indignant with me. + +JAMES. + +Well, I don't think much of you, any 'ow. + +JOHN. + +I'm very sorry. Last time we met I thought you a very amiable person. +Don't you remember, we went and had a drink together? + +JAMES. + +I don't say _you_'re not a gentleman. + +JOHN. + +[_Taking out his cigar-case._] Won't you have a cigar? + +JAMES. + +[_Suspiciously._] Look here, you're not trying to bluff me, are you? + +JOHN. + +Certainly not. I wouldn't dream of such a thing. + +JAMES. + +[_Taking a cigar._] Larranaga. + +JOHN. + +[_With an acid smile._] Nine pounds a hundred. + +JAMES. + +That's one and nine apiece, ain't it? + +JOHN. + +How quickly you reckon! + +JAMES. + +You must be pretty oofy to be able to afford that. + +JOHN. + +[_Drily._] It does inspire respect, doesn't it? + +JAMES. + +I don't know what you mean by that. But I flatter myself I know a good +cigar when I see it. + + [JOHN _sits down, and_ JAMES BUSH, _without + thinking, follows his example_.] + +JOHN. + +What d'you think you'll get out of making a row at the inquest? Of +course, there'll be an inquest. + +JAMES. + +Yes, I know there will. And I'm lookin' forward to it, I can tell you. + +JOHN. + +I wouldn't have said that if I'd been you. + +JAMES. + +[_Quite unconscious of the construction that may be put on his last +words--full of his own grievances._] I've 'ad something to put up with, +I 'ave. + +JOHN. + +Really? + +JAMES. + +Oh, he's treated me shockin'! He simply treated me like dirt. I wouldn't +'ave stood it a minute, except for Jenny's sake. _I_ wasn't good enough +for 'im, if you please. And the way he used to look right through me as +if I wasn't there at all--Oh, I'll be even with 'im now. + +JOHN. + +What are you going to do? + +JAMES. + +Never you mind. I'm going to make it hot for 'im. + +JOHN. + +D'you think that'll do you any good? + +JAMES. + +[_Springing up._] Yes. And I mean to.... + +JOHN. + +[_Interrupting._] Now sit down, there's a good chap, and let's have a +little talk about it. + +JAMES. + +[_Angrily._] You're trying to bamboozle me. + +JOHN. + +Nonsense. + +JAMES. + +Oh, yes, you are. Don't try to deny it. I can see through you as if you +was a pane of glass. You people in the West End--you think you know +everything. + +JOHN. + +I assure you.... + +JAMES. + +[_Interrupting._] But I've had a City training, and you can lay anything +you like there ain't no flies on me. + +JOHN. + +We're both men of the world, Mr. Bush. Will you do me a great favour as +a--friend? + +JAMES. + +[_Suspiciously._] That depends on what it is. + +JOHN. + +It's merely to listen to me quietly for two or three minutes. + +JAMES. + +I don't mind doing that. + +JOHN. + +Well, the fact is--Basil's going away, and he wants to get rid of the +furniture and the house. What d'you think it's worth, as an auctioneer? + +JAMES. + +[_Looking round._] It's a very different business what a thing's worth, +and what it'll fetch. + +JOHN. + +Of course, but a clever man like you.... + +JAMES. + +Now then, no bluff. I tell you it won't work with me.... D'you include +plate and linen? + +JOHN. + +Everything. + +JAMES. + +Well, if it was well sold--by a man as knew his business.... + +JOHN. + +If you sold it, for instance? + +JAMES. + +It might fetch a hundred pounds--it might fetch a hundred and fifty. + +JOHN. + +That wouldn't be a bad present to make to any one, would it? + +JAMES. + +No. I think I can agree with you there. + +JOHN. + +Well, Basil thought of giving the entire contents of the house to your +mother and sister. + +JAMES. + +To tell you the truth, it's no more than he ought to do. + +JOHN. + +The condition is, of course, that nothing is said at the inquest. + +JAMES. + +[_With a sneer._] You make me laugh. D'you think you can gag me by +giving a houseful of furniture to my mother? + +JOHN. + +I had no such exalted opinion of your disinterestedness, Mr. Bush. I +come to you now. + +JAMES. + +[_Sharply._] What d'you mean by that? + +JOHN. + +It appears that you owe Basil a good deal of money. Can you pay it? + +JAMES. + +No. + +JOHN. + +Also it appears that there was some difficulty with your accounts in +your last place. + +JAMES. + +That's a lie. + +JOHN. + +Possibly. But altogether I fancy we could make it uncommonly nasty for +you if you made a fuss. If dirty linen is going to be washed in +public--there's generally a good deal to be done on both sides. + +JAMES. + +I don't care. I mean to get my own back. If I can only get my knife into +that man--I'll take the consequences. + +JOHN. + +On the other hand--if you won't make a fuss at the inquest, I'll give +you fifty pounds. + +JAMES. + +[_Jumping up indignantly._] Are you trying to bribe me? + +JOHN. + +[_Calmly._] Yes. + +JAMES. + +I would 'ave you know that I'm a gentleman, and what's more, I'm an +Englishman. And I'm proud of it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. +I've never 'ad any one try and bribe me before. + +JOHN. + +[_Indifferently._] Otherwise you would, doubtless, have accepted. + +JAMES. + +I've got more than half a mind to knock you down. + +JOHN. + +[_With a slight smile._] Come, come, Mr. Bush, don't be ridiculous. +You'd far better keep quiet, you know. + +JAMES. + +[_Scornfully._] What do you think fifty pounds is to me? + +JOHN. + +[_With a sharp look._] Who spoke of fifty pounds? + +JAMES. + +You did. + +JOHN. + +You must have mistaken me. A hundred and fifty. + +JAMES. + +Oh! [_At first he is surprised, then, as the amount sinks into his mind, +grows doubtful._] That's a very different pair of shoes. + +JOHN. + +I don't ask you to say anything untrue. After all, it's not worth while +for a man of the world like you--a business man--to give way to petty +spite. And we don't want to have any scandal. That would be just as +unpleasant for you as for us. + +JAMES. + +[_Undecided._] There's no denying that she was hysterical. If he'd only +treated me like a gentleman, I shouldn't have had anything to say. + +JOHN. + +Well? + +JAMES. + +[_With a foxy, keen glance at_ JOHN.] Make it two 'undred, and I'll say +done. + +JOHN. + +[_Firmly._] No. You can take a hundred and fifty, or go to the devil. + +JAMES. + +Oh, well, 'and it over. + +JOHN. + +[_Taking a cheque out of his pocket._] I'll give you fifty now and the +rest after the inquest. + +JAMES. + +[_With a certain admiration._] You're a sharp 'un, you are. + + [JOHN _writes out the cheque and gives it to_ + JAMES BUSH. + +JAMES. + +Shall I give you a receipt? I'm a business man, you know. + +JOHN. + +Yes, I know; but it's not necessary. You'll tell your mother and sister? + +JAMES. + +Don't you fear. I'm a gentleman, and I don't go back on my friends. + +JOHN. + +Now I think I'll say good morning to you. You can understand that Basil +isn't fit to see any one. + +JAMES. + +I understand. So long. + + [_He stretches out his hand, which_ JOHN _shakes + gravely_.] + +JOHN. + +Good morning. + + [FANNY _comes in by one door as_ JAMES BUSH + _goes out by another_.] + +FANNY. + +Good riddance to bad rubbish. + +JOHN. + +Ah, Fanny, if there were no rogues in the world, life would really be +too difficult for honest men. + + [FANNY _goes out, and_ JOHN _walks to the door + and calls_.] + +JOHN. + +Basil--he's gone.... Where are you? + +[BASIL _comes out of the room in which is lying Jenny's body_.] + +JOHN. + +I didn't know you were in there. + +BASIL. + +I wonder if she forgives me? + +JOHN. + +I wouldn't worry myself too much if I were you, Basil, old man. + +BASIL. + +If you only knew how I despise myself! + +JOHN. + +Come, come, Basil, you must make an effort.... + +BASIL. + +I've not told you the worst. I feel such a cad. There's one thought +that's been with me all night. And I _can't_ drive it away. It's worse +than anything else. It's too shameful. + +JOHN. + +What _do_ you mean? + +BASIL. + +Oh, it's so despicable. And yet it's too strong for me.... I can't help +thinking that I'm--free. + +JOHN. + +Free? + +BASIL. + +It's treachery to her memory. But you don't know what it is when your +prison door is opened. [_As he speaks he grows more and more excited._] +I don't want to die. I want to live, and I want to take life by both +hands and enjoy it. I've got such a desire for happiness. Let's open the +windows, and let the sunlight in. [_He goes to the window and flings it +open._] It's so good just to be alive. How can I help thinking that now +I can start fresh? The slate is wiped clean, and I can begin again. I +_will_ be happy. God forgive me, I can't help the thought. I'm free. I +made a ghastly mistake, and I suffered for it. Heaven knows how I +suffered, and how hard I tried to make the best of it. It wasn't all my +fault. In this world we're made to act and think things because other +people have thought them good. We never have a chance of going our own +way. We're bound down by the prejudices and the morals of everybody +else. For God's sake, let us be free. Let us do this and that because we +want to and because we must, not because other people think we ought. +[_He stops suddenly in front of_ JOHN.] Why don't you say something? You +stare at me as if you thought me raving mad! + +JOHN. + +I don't know what to say. + +BASIL. + +Oh, I suppose you're shocked and scandalised. I ought to go on posing. I +ought to act the part decently to the end. _You_ would never have had +the courage to do what I did, and yet, because I've failed, you think +you can look down on me from the height of your moral elevation. + +JOHN. + +[_Gravely._] I was thinking how far a man may fall when he attempts to +climb the stars. + +BASIL. + +I gave the world fine gold, and their currency is only cowrie-shells. I +held up an ideal, and they sneered at me. In this world you must wallow +in the trough with the rest of them.... The only moral I can see is that +if I'd acted like a blackguard--as ninety-nine men out of a hundred +would have done--and let Jenny go to the dogs, I should have remained +happy and contented and prosperous. And she, I dare say, wouldn't have +died.... It's because I tried to do my duty and act like a gentleman and +a man of honour, that all this misery has come about. + +JOHN. + +[_Looking at him quietly._] I think I should put it in another way. One +has to be very strong and very sure of oneself to go against the +ordinary view of things. And if one isn't, perhaps it's better not to +run any risks, but just to walk along the same secure old road as the +common herd. It's not exhilarating, it's not brave, and it's rather +dull. But it's eminently safe. + + [BASIL _scarcely hears the last words, but listens + intently to other sounds outside_. + +BASIL. + +What's that? I thought I heard a carriage. + +JOHN. + +[_A little surprised._] Do you expect any one? + +BASIL. + +I sent a wire to--to Hilda at the same time as to you. + +JOHN. + +Already? + +BASIL. + +[_Excited._] D'you think she'll come? + +JOHN. + +I don't know. [_A ring is heard at the front door._ + +BASIL. + +[_Running to the window._] There's some one at the door. + +JOHN. + +Perhaps it's occurred to her also that you're free. + +BASIL. + +[_With the utmost passion._] Oh, she loves me, and I--I adore her. God +forgive me, I can't help it. + + [FANNY _comes in_. + +FANNY. + +If you please, sir, the Coroner's officer. + +THE END. + +PRINTED BY +BALLANTYNE & COMPANY LTD +AT THE BALLANTYNE PRESS +TAVISTOCK STREET COVENT GARDEN +LONDON + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A +Man of Honor, by William Somerset Maugham + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PLAYS *** + +***** This file should be named 37962-8.txt or 37962-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/9/6/37962/ + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images available at The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |