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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/37767-8.txt b/37767-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d4031e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/37767-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1717 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Phil May Album, by Phil May + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Phil May Album + +Author: Phil May + +Release Date: October 16, 2011 [EBook #37767] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + + +THE PHIL MAY ALBUM + + + + +[Illustration: BLOWING A CLOUD] + + + + + THE + PHIL MAY + ALBUM + + COLLECTED BY + AUGUSTUS M. MOORE + + METHUEN & CO. + 36 ESSEX STREET, W.C. + LONDON + 1900 + + + + + EDMUND EVANS + PRINTER + RACQUET COURT + FLEET STREET + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PAGE + + BLOWING A CLOUD 2 + + INTRODUCTION 7 + + THE LEGITIMATE 17 + + A QUESTION OF HOSE 18 + + FALLEN GREATNESS 19 + + "NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED" 20 + + THE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONY 21 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE QUEEN AND MRS. MARTHA RICKS 22 + + FATE! 23 + + ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. AND STIGGINS 24 + + THE NOBLE ART 25 + + ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE 26 + + PRO BONO PUBLICO 27 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE DUKE OF FIFE 28 + + ACCOMMODATING 29 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE GERMAN EMPEROR 30 + + AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET 31 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE DUC D'ORLEANS 32 + + ALL THE DIFFERENCE 33 + + THREE MEN IN A BOOT 34 + + A FRIEND IN NEED 35 + + LIKE A BIRD 35 + + ON THE BRAIN: MRS. ANNIE BESANT 36 + + AN UPRIGHT COURSE 37 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. HENRY GEORGE 38 + + A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR 39 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH 40 + + ON THE SANDS 41 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH 42 + + WOMANLY 43 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS 44 + + OUR CLIMATE 45 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE NEWNES 46 + + CHEEK 47 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE DIBBS 48 + + INFORMATION WANTED 49 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. HORACE SEDGER 50 + + FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE 51 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY 52 + + HARD LINES 53 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. W. T. STEAD 54 + + MUTUAL CONSIDERATION 55 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. WILLIAM MORRIS 56 + + BRITONS IN PARIS 57 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR HENRY PARKES 58 + + READY FOR THE BALL 59 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF DUFFERIN AND AVA 60 + + BEFORE HIS FRIENDS 61 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR AUGUSTUS HARRIS 62 + + SAINTLY POLITENESS 63 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR EDWARD LAWSON 64 + + "OH, LISTEN TO MY TALE OF 'WO'" 65 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. RUDYARD KIPLING 66 + + THE NEW JEW 67 + + STREET COMPLIMENTS 67 + + DEDUCTION 67 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR WILLIAM V. HARCOURT, M.P. 68 + + THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES 69 + + ON THE BRAIN: M. ERNEST RENAN 70 + + A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS 71 + + LIP 71 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL 72 + + THE CAPE MAIL 73 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD RUSSELL OF KILLOWEN 74 + + LIMITED 75 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. H. M. STANLEY 76 + + INFORMATION 77 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD ALINGTON 78 + + INQUISITIVE 79 + + A HOWLING SWELL 79 + + ON THE BRAIN: RT. HON. A. J. BALFOUR, M.P. 80 + + AN IDLE FELLOW 81 + + ON THE BRAIN: MADAME ADELINA PATTI 82 + + A GOOD PLACE 83 + + POODLES 83 + + A PLEASANT PROSPECT 83 + + ON THE BRAIN: RIGHT HON. W. E. GLADSTONE 84 + + ON THE SANDS 85 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE RIGHT HON. JOSEPH + CHAMBERLAIN, M.P. 86 + + REALISM 87 + + ON THE BRAIN: M EMILE ZOLA 88 + + AT THE RIDING SCHOOL 89 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD TENNYSON 90 + + NO CHANCE 91 + + A FACT 91 + + A PROMINENT FEATURE 91 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR J. BLUNDELL MAPLE, M.P. 92 + + FORCE OF HABIT 93 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. ALBERT CHEVALIER 94 + + THE UNKINDEST CUT 95 + + DOUBLE SIGHT 95 + + PUTTING IT PLAINLY 95 + + BRIDGET 95 + + M. JAQUES 96 + + OBVIOUS 97 + + MONSIEUR SARDOU 98 + + PLEASANT MEMORIES 99 + + ADVICE 99 + + A SONG AND A SINGER 99 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. BEERBOHM TREE 100 + + A NASTY ONE 101 + + ON THE BRAIN: GENERAL BOOTH 102 + + THE ACCENT ON THE PEG 103 + + A RECOMMENDATION 103 + + PICKSOME 103 + + ON THE BRAIN: AN EX-LORD MAYOR 104 + + THE WRONG SHOP 105 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. G. A. SALA 106 + + BAKERS' STRIKE 107 + + GOING THE PACE 107 + + A POSER FOR GRAN'PA 107 + + A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT 107 + + THE NORTH POLE 108 + + SUGGESTIVE 109 + + LEG-ISLATION 110 + + INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT 111 + + THE CONSUMING PASSION 111 + + THE DOWN TRAIN 111 + + A DISTINCTION 111 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. PUNCH 112 + + + + +PHIL MAY AND HIS ART + + +"And now, Mr. Whistler, what about Black and White Art?" said an +interviewer. "Black and White Art," said Mr. Whistler, "is summed up in +two words--Phil May!" Nor is this merely a New School of Art paradox. It +is one which is held by artists of all grades alike, and even by the art +editor who professes to know and supply what the public likes. That a +youth who never had a lesson in drawing in his life should have earned +such a reputation between the ages of seventeen and thirty, and should +have gone above men as honoured in their profession as Sir John Tenniel +and Mr. George du Maurier, and on a level with Charles Keene, Mr. Abbey +and Mr. Gibson, is enough to make Mr. May's art extremely interesting. +But his art is not nearly so instructive as Mr. May himself; he is a +human document to the hand of the realist, and the student of +heredity--if ever there was one. He has been interviewed in a sketchy +fashion by the journalistic Mrs. Mangnall innumerable times; the +high-art magazines have added him to their lists of "Our Graphic +Humorists," "Black and White Artists," and "How Caricaturists Draw." +The world is familiar with his own grotesque sketches of himself, and, +whether he is attired in riding breeches, a straw hat perched on the +back of his head, as he drives a coster's cart, or is being flung out of +a cab, his long cigar and his hair cut in a bang straight across his +forehead, are unchangeable and unmistakeable. The public no doubt thinks +that this is only one of Phil May's jokes at his own expense, for the +bold Rabelaisian roundness of his humour suggests a man the very reverse +of the lean and hungry Cassius. But Phil May's humour does not consist +of making fat people thin, thin people fat, exaggerating features, +putting big heads upon little legs, and such methods of distortion as we +have so often seen resorted to. This we learn from a glance at his home, +which is his studio life. + +Mr. May's artistic treasures are none of them the old masters of a +millionaire, but purely personal household gods, each with a little +story of a friendship, a reminiscence of hard-up times, or some personal +taste. The volumes in the old oak book-case are not first editions, but +they show a fine appreciation for the best literature, and even the blue +china is not wired and hung-up. The drawing-board seems to act as an +address-book, and the grandfather's clock by the fireplace in its old +age has given up making a nuisance of itself by repeating "For ever, +never." The mantelpiece is peopled with little Japanese dolls, little +bronzes and brasses, and figures carved in yellow ivory. These, with a +few plaster casts of arms and legs which hang on the walls, a line of +Japanese prints put around the ceiling "to try an effect," a few +Japanese lanterns hanging from the roof, some Japanese lay-figures in +armour standing round the walls, and a few sketches, are about all the +decoration of this long sky-lit room. But most important of all is the +index to as remarkable a story as was ever told by a successful man, a +story which has never been told before. It is only an old mug. The +substance is earthenware, the decoration obviously pseudo-oriental, and +the design and glaze nothing marvellous. It clearly comes from the +English potteries, but it has no mark, and it is certainly not Chelsea, +Derby, Yarmouth, Bristol, Lowestoft, or any of the rarer and +higher-priced wares. The hand of Wedgwood, Voyez, or Elers is not seen +in its design, and, indeed, it is difficult precisely to locate its +origin. And yet, it should now take its place in Chaffers and Church who +know it not. Our dilemma is solved by Mr. May himself, who seems, in his +usual casual modest way, to have attached no importance to it, and who, +from subsequent inquiries, has only a very superficial knowledge which +would not satisfy a ceramic maniac, to say nothing of a family +historian. "That mug was made," says Mr. May, "by my grandfather. I +don't know much more about him than he knows about me; but if you are +interested in china, you may care for some details which may help you to +hunt it up. He was a potter in the Midlands--if you want to be +particular, at Snead, in Staffordshire--and, I believe, was fairly well +off; for the design, which is that of a hunt, was made to commemorate +his becoming the master of the local hounds. If you say that his name is +not given in any of the handbooks, I am sure you are right; but all I +know is, the firm, whatever it was called, came to grief owing to the +war--and I can't tell you what war; but it was not the China war." Here +the student of heredity will discern the rude germ of the artistic +temperament which has so developed in the third generation. It was in +the interests of the hereditary artistic strain that Mr. May was induced +to tell the story. He is not so impressed as are many people with the +necessity of having a grandfather, and knows no more about him than is +related above. Mr. May's father was apprenticed as an engineer to George +Stephenson, and worked in the drawing office of the great engineer at +Newcastle, where he met his wife. She was a Miss Macarthy, and her +father was Eugène Macarthy, who belonged to an old theatrical family +connected with the management of the New Theatre, Wolverhampton. An old +bill on satin struck to commemorate a "Bespeak" performance, "under the +distinguished patronage of Lord Wrottesley," gives Eugène Macarthy as +playing Lord Tinsel in _The Hunchback_, and Jenkins, in _Gretna Green_; +or, _The Biter Bit_, on Friday, May 9th, 1845. In this bill Mr. James +Bennett was the Master Walter; H. Lacy the Modus; Mrs. W. Rignold the +Julia, and Miss Fanny Wallack, Helen. + +Mr. May's father was unlucky in life. He started a brass-foundry, but, +as your host puts it, his partner cleared off with all the brass; and a +consulting-engineer business was not much more satisfactory. Mr. Phil +May was born in 1864, shortly after the collapse of the brass-foundry, +at Wortley, an outlying manufacturing district of Leeds. His father died +when he was nine years old, and his schooldays, as he tells you, +commenced early in the School Board era. At that time the new officials +were very alert, so he had one year's scholastic education. He was a +little delicate fellow, and was made a butt of by the other boys; and he +was the victim of many practical jokes. + +"My artistic career," Mr. May tells you, "may be said to have begun +when I was about twelve, at which time the Grand Theatre, Leeds, opened. +The local scene-painter was a man called Fox, a brother of Charles Fox, +and I became acquainted with his son, who helped to mix the distemper. +Young Fox and other boys called Ford, Sammy Stead, and I used to +rehearse pantomimes. Our stage was a back street, and our scenery was +designed with a stick in the gutter; but we omitted nothing. The +star-traps were all marked out, and we made our descents by flinging +ourselves on our faces in the muddy road. I was always a sprite, and +carried 'The Book of Fate,' which had a prominent place in all our +pantomimes." + +Mr. May used to sketch sections of other people's designs of costumes +for use in the ward-robe room, and eventually got to designing comic +dresses and suggestions for masks and make-ups in the property-room. +This brought him orders for actor's portraits, for which he received at +first a shilling, and later five shillings. Remuneration bred +independence, and he took to living with three or four other boys, their +lodgings costing five shillings a week. After a year or two of this +life, the late Fred Stimpson, who had a travelling burlesque company, +engaged May to play small parts and do six sketches every week to serve +as window-bills in the various small towns they visited. His +remuneration was twelve shillings a week, and on this he lived for two +or more years. After that, about 1873, he got an engagement to draw for +a small local comic journal, called _The Yorkshire Gossip_, which died +after four weeks. In 1882 Mr. May was engaged to design the dresses for +the Leeds pantomime, and flushed with success, or sickened with the +squalid hand-to-hand life he had led since he was a boy--he was then a +full-grown man of seventeen--he made up his mind to burn his boats and +come to London, and _there_ he became a tragedian. His finances +consisted of one sovereign. Fifteen shillings and five-pence halfpenny +bought him a third-class ticket, and vanity and temptation cost him four +shillings and sixpence at the Gaiety Bar. "But what," he adds, "did it +all matter? I was in London--the lap of luxury. I remembered my aunt, +Mrs. Hanner, who had married again, an actor called Fred Morton, and I +looked them up at St. John Street Road, Islington." Mr. May does not +think they were very glad to see him; but they took him in, gave him +food and a night's lodging, and next day his new uncle, after showing +him the sights of London, put him in the Leeds train. He got out, +however, at the next station and walked back. Chance led him towards +Clapham way. It was winter and he tried to get work, till he was too +tired to walk and too cold and hungry to speak. He begged the broken dry +biscuits at the public-houses; he quenched his thirst at the street +fountains. The best bit of luck he had was when he induced a child on +the Suspension Bridge to part with his bread and bacon in exchange for a +walking-stick. He led a terrible life of privation, and by night slept +in the Park, on the Embankment, or in a cart in the Market near the +stage-door of the Princess's Theatre. He was too proud to go to his +relations or to Mr. Wilson Barrett. The first bit of real luck he had +was in meeting with the keeper of a photograph shop near Charing Cross. +He took May's drawing of Irving, Toole and Bancroft, and published it. +It was a partnership arrangement, and the publisher lost about £5 in the +venture. But though he was nearly as hard up as Mr. May was, when he had +any money, he used often to take him to a shop near the old Pavilion and +give him a dinner of beef _à la mode_. "It was good!" Mr. May tells +you. A Mr. Rising who played at the Comedy Theatre, introduced Mr. May +to Lionel Brough, who purchased the original sketch of Irving, Bancroft +and Toole for £2 2s., and introduced him to a little paper called +_Society_, for which he did some drawings. But between these periods Mr. +May suffered long spells of penury, when he would have been glad to have +taken up his position with a handkerchief full of broken chalks and +drawn on the pavement. At last a drawing of Mr. Bancroft in _Society_ +brought him an introduction to Mr. Edward Russell, who introduced him to +the management of the _St. Stephen's Review_. It was not then an +illustrated paper, but a Christmas Number was being issued. The +illustrations were already arranged for, so there was nothing for him to +do. The disappointment, or long privation--for he was only eighteen at +the time--or both, brought on an illness, and he returned to Leeds. A +telegram from Mr. Russell brought him to London. The illustrations for +the Christmas Number would not do, and Mr. May was asked to do them all +himself--cartoon, illustrations, cover, and initials--in a week! He +hired a room in a small hotel near the Princess's, and worked day and +night, finished the whole thing, and was paid. He remained in his humble +lodgings till his money was gone, and he used, as he says, to "go out +for breakfast and dinner," which meant walking about for appearances' +sake. The proprietor of the hotel in question, who was also a waiter at +a club, found him out, and when he came home at three or four in the +morning used to dig him out to share his supper; and when, through sheer +shame, May confessed he could not pay him, he insisted on his remaining +in his house. Mr. Brough introduced Mr. May to Alias the costumier, who +engaged him as designer of the _Nell Gwynne_ dresses, and kept him on to +design pictures for a book, _The Juvenile Shakespeare_, on which they +were to collaborate; but it came to nothing. Then the _St. Stephen's_ +started illustrations, and he was employed by it till an agent came from +Australia to discover an artist for the _Sydney Bulletin_. Mr. May +seized the opportunity of going to the antipodes, and went. The fine +air, the warm climate, and the regular food made, as he tells you, a man +of him; but it was the starvation, he adds, which made him the artist he +is. + +The rest of Mr. Phil May's story has been told before, and is not +interesting, being one long series of successes, which culminated in his +winning the blue ribbon of black-and-white art, an appointment on +_Punch_, which leaves him free to draw for any other paper that +appreciates his art and can pay his prices. + +The story of his early life and struggles is not exceeded in interest, +perhaps, by that of anybody except that of Henri Murger or that of +Honoré de Balzac. The _hard_ life he once led has left his features +somewhat _hard_, but it has not soured his disposition. There is nothing +of the cynic in him. He is still careless of everything but his art, +generous to a fault not only with his money, but with his lavish praises +of the work of those who aspire to be his rivals. High and low, +everybody speaks of him as "dear old Phil," and the applause, even of +princes, has not made him a snob. His talents and his temptations would +have made many a boy of more severe training a pickpocket, burglar, or a +gaol bird, as François Villon was. It made Phil May an artist, and his +story is one to be remembered as an encouragement instead of a warning. + +Of the one hundred and twenty drawings collected in this volume, there +is little to say, for they speak for themselves. For some of them, I am +indebted to Mr. Louis Meyer of 13a Pall Mall, who has enabled me to +complete the series of drawings done at a time when Phil May was, as I +have described him above, a poor, struggling artist. Youth and +enthusiasm, made these drawings bolder than most of his later work, and +the lack of pence, when every line meant pennies, made them more +elaborately finished than those which of late he has made us accustomed +to. But though everyone is satisfied with his present work, I can only +trust that the artistic majority will think with me that he has never +done better than these drawings which are here collected. That at least +is why I have published them. + +AUGUSTUS M. MOORE + + + + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE LEGITIMATE + +"'Ow's business, Jacko?" + +"Damned bad. What can you expect with this bloomin' opposition!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A QUESTION OF HOSE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FALLEN GREATNESS + +NATIVE: "Well, yer see, mum, I was once in a very 'igh persition, my +missus used to do all the washin' for the Royal Hotel."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NEW VERSION + +THE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MRS. MARTHA RICKS--"AUNT MARTHA"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FATE! + +"Owth's Ikey?" + +"Vy, Ikeyth's dead." + +"You don't thay so. Vy I thor him goin' ter the thinagogue lathst week." + +"Vell, ith's all along of that thinagogue that Ikeyth's dead. They was +a-justh coming out, ven someone outside shouted out, 'Sale goin' ter +commenth,' and Ikey was killed in the crush!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NOBLE ART] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PRO BONO PUBLICO + +DISCONTENTED ARTIST: "I wish I had a fortune. I would never paint +again." + +GENEROUS "BROTHER-BRUSH": "By Jove, old man, I wish _I_ had one. I'd +give it to you!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUKE OF FIFE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ACCOMMODATING + +CUSTOMER: "I want a respirator, please." + +CHEMIST: "I'm afraid, sir, we haven't one your size in stock, but if you +will wait until I go and get a tape-measure, I will get you one made!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE GERMAN EMPEROR] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET + +FLUNKEY: "Excuse me, mum, but the banquet has commenced, and I can't +admit you. Them's my orders." + +SHE: "But the Mayor is here, isn't he?" + +FLUNKEY: "Oh, yes, he's here right enough." + +SHE: "Well, but I'm his lady." + +FLUNKEY: "It makes no difference, mum; I couldn't admit you if you were +his wife."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUC D'ORLEANS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ALL THE DIFFERENCE + +BARMAID: "I beg pardon, I have taken twopence too much. I didn't know +you were an actor. I thought you were only a gentleman!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THREE MEN IN A BOOT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A FRIEND IN NEED + +INVALID: "I sometimes feel inclined to blow my brains out." + +FRIEND: "I shouldn't advise you to try it, old chap, you know you're a +bad shot, and there's nothing much to aim at!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: COUSIN JANE: "I want ma to have her portrait painted. Who +would you recommend?" + +COUSIN GEORGE: "Stacy Marks."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MRS. BESANT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AN UPRIGHT COURSE + +PARSON: "Tell me, my good man, do you know the way to heaven?" + +OLD CANTANKEROUS (_who doesn't like parsons_): "Well, I sh'd think if +you was to follow your nose, it 'ud be a short cut!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. HENRY GEORGE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR + +"You are!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE SANDS + +MACHINE MAN (_to bather who has been complaining that he was not taken +out far enough_): "Why, lor bless yer, Sir, I once know'd a man who +could dive in two foot of water." + +BATHER: "And where's he buried?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: WOMANLY + +FIRST PHILANTHROPIST: "Cannot we start a society for the employment of +the poor Russian Jews?" + +SECOND DITTO: "Well, you see, what could they do? You know that they +can't speak English." + +FIRST DITTO: "Oh, get them something to do on the railway, to call out +the names of the stations, for instance."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OUR CLIMATE + +"Look here, that barometer you sold me a month ago has got out of order, +it won't work." + +"Well, you see, sir, look what a lot of wear and tear 'e's 'ad +lately."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR GEORGE NEWNES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: CHEEK + +URCHIN: "Hi, governor, remember the warning afore yer starts!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR GEORGE DIBBS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INFORMATION WANTED + +FAT PARTY: "Say, boy, do my boots want cleaning?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. HORACE SEDGER] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE + +FRENCH PROFESSOR: "How would you pronounce t-o-u-t-a-f-a-i-t?" + +PUPIL: "Totty Fay."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: HARD LINES + +DAY POLICEMAN: (_relieving night-man_): "How's the missus?" + +NIGHT POLICEMAN: "I don't know. 'Aven't seen her for ten years." + +DAY POLICEMAN: "But ye're living together, aren't yer?" + +NIGHT POLICEMAN: "Yes, but she's a charwoman, an' is out all day, an' +I'm out all night. So we've never met since we came back from our +honeymoon."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. W. T. STEAD] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MUTUAL CONSIDERATION + +ART CRITIC: "What do you think of Alma Cadmium's painting?" + +ARTIST: "Oh, I think it is superb." + +ART CRITIC: "I'm surprised to hear you say that. _He_ says just the +reverse of yours." + +ARTIST: "Ah, well, perhaps we're both mistaken!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. WILLIAM MORRIS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BRITONS IN PARIS + +FIRST ENGLISHMAN: "Where shall we go?" + +SECOND ENGLISHMAN (_who does not know that 'relâche' means that the +piece is taken off_): "Let's go to the Eden and see 'Relâche'!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR HENRY PARKES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: READY FOR THE BALL + +"Phwell and phwat do ye think of me, darlint?" + +"Shure ye look jist illigent, but I phwish it wur a mask ball!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD DUFFERIN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BEFORE HIS FRIENDS + +BROWN (_who likes to be thought a swell, and who has been entrusted with +a friend's brougham for the night_): "Home, John." + +JOHN: "Where's that, sir?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR AUGUSTUS HARRIS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SAINTLY POLITENESS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR EDWARD LAWSON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OH, LISTEN TO A TALE OF "WO"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. RUDYARD KIPLING] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NEW JEW + +"And so you're going to marry a Christian and disgrace your poor old +father." + +"Yeth, but I'm goin' to change my name to Smith." + +"But what are you goin' to do with _that_ nose?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Oh, I say! Ain't 'e in a bloomin' 'urry; 'e wants to git +there before the 'orse."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Yes, I was three months in the desert, with nothing to +drink but camel's milk." + +"Didn't it give you the _hump_!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RIGHT HON. W. V. HARCOURT, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES + +PIOUS FRIEND: "Dear me, I'm sorry to see you coming out of a +public-house, Mr. Brown." + +"Couldn't help it, ole fel' (_hic_), I was chucked out!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MONSIEUR ERNEST RENAN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: LIP. + +NEW ARRIVAL (_in Australia_): "What's good for mosquitoes?" + +RESIDENT: "You are!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE LATE LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE CAPE MAIL + +CLERK: "The letter is too heavy. It will require an extra stamp." + +SHE: "Won't that make it heavier?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD RUSSELL OF KILLOWEN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "What the deuce are you smoking, old chap?" + +"Well, you see, the doctor has limited me to one cigar a day!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. H. M. STANLEY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INFORMATION + +OBLIGING DRIVER (_to country visitor, who is trying to see London from +the top of a 'bus in an intense fog_): "That there's the Halbert +Memorial, but you can't see it!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD ALINGTON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INQUISITIVE + +"Oh, ma! Are those what they call sea legs?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A HOWLING SWELL] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RT. HON. A. J. BALFOUR, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AN IDLE FELLOW + +VISITOR: "I hear you've had the celebrated Mr. Abbey, the artist, +staying with you down here." + +PROPRIETOR OF OLD-FASHIONED INN: "Yes, sir, an' he be the _laziest_ man +I ever came across. He do nothing but dror and paint all day!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE £1,000 PER NIGHT-INGALE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: GRANDPAPA (_to Tommy, who has just come home from +school_): "And did you get a good place in your class at the last +examination?" + +TOMMY: "Yes; next to the stove."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: POODLES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PLEASANT PROSPECT + +"Grandma, shall I have a face like you when I get old?" + +"Yes, my dear, if you're good."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RT. HON. W. E. GLADSTONE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE SANDS + +"Lor', 'Arry, ain't it 'ot?" + +"Well, sit down, an' I'll blow yer."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: REALISM + +COMEDIAN: "The critic of the _Back Alley Chronicle_ described me as +giving a very 'saponaceous' rendering to my part. What does +'saponaceous' mean, dear boy?" + +TRAGEDIAN (_with learned dignity_): "Cudgel not thy brains with words +higher than thy bloomin' salary."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MONSIEUR EMILE ZOLA] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AT THE RIDING SCHOOL + +NERVOUS PUPIL: "When do you think I shall go on the road?" + +RIDING MASTER: "Very soon, if you don't sit better than that."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD TENNYSON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NO CHANCE + +"Always take care of your money, my son." + +"I can't, you never give me any."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: "But I really thought you were much taller than you +are, Mr. Smith." + +HE: "Oh, no! Not a bit, I assure you!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PROMINENT FEATURE + +"Hillo, Bill! What's the matter with your nose?" + +"I don't know. Think my conscience must have pricked it."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR BLUNDELL MAPLE, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FORCE OF HABIT + +PRISON PHOTOGRAPHER (_who has just obtained the post, to sitter, who is +about to undergo twenty years' penal servitude_): "Now sir, look +pleasant!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. ALBERT CHEVALIER] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE UNKINDEST CUT + +HE: "I grew a beard and moustache for ten years, and I forgot what I was +like without, so I just shaved to see." + +SHE: "And weren't you shocked?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Hillo, Bill--blind again?" + +"I beg pardon, I'm not blind at all; asha-matterer-fac, I can see +twiche-ash-much as you."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Say, would you be so stupid as to lend me 5s.?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: IN HER WAR-PAINT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FAST AND LOOSE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OBVIOUS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MONSIEUR SARDOU] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PLEASANT MEMORIES + +"Ah, it's many a day since I 'ad it!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: "It must be a dreadful thing to become old and ugly. +I should much prefer to die young." + +HE: "You'll have to hurry up then!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "I have a Song to Sing O."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. BEERBOHM TREE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A NASTY ONE + +WRYMUG: "I assure you the blamed fog was so thick I couldn't find the +way to my own mouth." + +QUIZZER: "What! When it's just round the corner!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +GENERAL BOOTH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NEW USE FOR A CLOTHES-PEG + +HOW TO OBTAIN A GOOD FRENCH ACCENT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MISTRESS (_to new cook_): "Now are you sure you have had +experience?" + +COOK: "Oh, yes, mum! I've been in 'undreds of places."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PICKSOME + +LITTLE SPRIGGINS: "Yes, we always dine at a private table. You see, my +wife is so fond of picking bones." + +OLD JOKER: "I suppose that's why she picked you."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD MAYOR SAVORY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE WRONG SHOP + +(_Carol singing in Hatton Garden_) "Christians Awake!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BAKERS' STRIKE + + They've recently discovered that they'll never want a feed + As long as they think fit to _loaf_ the less our bread we _knead_.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: Oh, John, we're next the engine." + +HE: "Never mind, we'll get there all the quicker."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE BOY: "Grandpa, is a Jewess a She-brew?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SAVAGE SOUTH AFRICA + +"A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NORTH POLE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SUGGESTIVE + +SMALL BOY: "Hi! Can you spare a _copper_?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: LEG-ISLATION] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT + +YOKEL: "Say, sir, does I put this 'er stamp on meself?" + +POST-ASSISTANT: "On yourself. No, on the letter, you booby."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE CONSUMING PASSION + +"Have you heard that Jones has given up 'booze'?" + +"No, I wouldn't believe it." + +"But he has, and he's dead."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE DOWN TRAIN + +CROSSING SWEEPER: "'Ere, if you're goin' to sweep the bloomin' +crossin' yerself, I'm hoff."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: RETIRED BURGLAR: "Oh, my son! Always remember that it is +wrong to steal on Sunday."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. PUNCH] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Phil May Album, by Phil May + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + +***** This file should be named 37767-8.txt or 37767-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/7/6/37767/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Phil May Album + +Author: Phil May + +Release Date: October 16, 2011 [EBook #37767] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<div class="transcribers"> + +<p class="tn"><b>Note:</b> Please click on a picture if you wish to view +a larger version of it.</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_1" id="Page_1"></a> +<h1>THE PHIL MAY ALBUM</h1> + +<hr style="width: 65%;"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:627px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_003_large.png"><img src="images/i_003_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="627" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">BLOWING A CLOUD</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3"></a> + +<div class="linearound newpg"> + +<div class="figcenter" style="padding-bottom:2em;padding-top:2em;"> +<img src="images/i004.png" border="0" alt="THE PHIL MAY ALBUM" title="" width="536" height="269"></div> + +<div class="center" style="padding-top:1.5em;padding-bottom:.5em;line-height:1.4;"> +<span style="font-size: .85em;display:block;padding-bottom:.25em;font-weight:bold;">COLLECTED BY<br></span> +<span style="font-size: 1.25em;font-weight:bold;">AUGUSTUS M. MOORE</span> +</div> + + +<div class="center" style="padding-top:2.5em;padding-bottom:2em;line-height:1.4;font-weight:bold;"> +<span style="font-size: .95em;display:block;">METHUEN & CO.<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">36 ESSEX STREET, W.C.<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">LONDON<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">1900</span> +</div> + +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4"></a> +<div class="center" style="padding-top:.5em;padding-bottom:.5em;line-height:1.4;"> +<span style="font-size: .8em;display:block;">EDMUND EVANS<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">PRINTER<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">RACQUET COURT<br></span> +<span style="font-size: .8em;">FLEET STREET</span> +</div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5"></a> +<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" style="margin-bottom:.1em;" width="75%" summary="Table of Contents" cellpadding="2" +cellspacing="2"> +<tr><th align="left" valign="top"> </th><th align="right" valign="bottom"><span class="smaller">PAGE</span></th></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">BLOWING A CLOUD</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_2">2</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">INTRODUCTION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE LEGITIMATE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_17">17</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A QUESTION OF HOSE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_18">18</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">FALLEN GREATNESS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_19">19</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">"NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED"</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_20">20</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONY</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_21">21</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE QUEEN AND MRS. MARTHA RICKS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_22">22</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">FATE!</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_23">23</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. AND STIGGINS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_24">24</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE NOBLE ART</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_25">25</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_26">26</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">PRO BONO PUBLICO</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE DUKE OF FIFE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_28">28</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ACCOMMODATING</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_29">29</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE GERMAN EMPEROR</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_30">30</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_31">31</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE DUC D'ORLEANS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ALL THE DIFFERENCE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THREE MEN IN A BOOT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_34">34</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A FRIEND IN NEED</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_35">35</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">LIKE A BIRD</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_35b">35</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MRS. ANNIE BESANT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_36">36</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">AN UPRIGHT COURSE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. HENRY GEORGE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_38">38</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_39">39</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_40">40</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE SANDS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_42">42</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">WOMANLY</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_43">43</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_44">44</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">OUR CLIMATE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_45">45</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE NEWNES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_46">46</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">CHEEK</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_47">47</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE DIBBS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_48">48</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">INFORMATION WANTED</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. HORACE SEDGER</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_50">50</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_51">51</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_52">52</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">HARD LINES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. W. T. STEAD</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_54">54</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">MUTUAL CONSIDERATION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. WILLIAM MORRIS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_56">56</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">BRITONS IN PARIS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_57">57</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR HENRY PARKES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_58">58</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">READY FOR THE BALL</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_59">59</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF DUFFERIN AND AVA</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_60">60</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">BEFORE HIS FRIENDS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_61">61</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR AUGUSTUS HARRIS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_62">62</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">SAINTLY POLITENESS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_63">63</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR EDWARD LAWSON</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_64">64</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">"OH, LISTEN TO MY TALE OF 'WO'"</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. RUDYARD KIPLING</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_66">66</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE NEW JEW</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_67">67</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">STREET COMPLIMENTS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_67b">67</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">DEDUCTION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_67c">67</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6"></a>ON THE BRAIN: SIR WILLIAM V. HARCOURT, M.P.</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_68">68</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_69">69</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: M. ERNEST RENAN</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_70">70</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">LIP</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_71b">71</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_72">72</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE CAPE MAIL</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_73">73</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: LORD RUSSELL OF KILLOWEN</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_74">74</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">LIMITED</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_75">75</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. H. M. STANLEY</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_76">76</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">INFORMATION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_77">77</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: LORD ALINGTON</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_78">78</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">INQUISITIVE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A HOWLING SWELL</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_79b">79</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: RT. HON. A. J. BALFOUR, M.P.</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_80">80</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">AN IDLE FELLOW</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_81">81</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MADAME ADELINA PATTI</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_82">82</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A GOOD PLACE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_83">83</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">POODLES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_83b">83</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A PLEASANT PROSPECT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_83c">83</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: RIGHT HON. W. E. GLADSTONE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_84">84</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE SANDS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_85">85</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: THE RIGHT HON. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, M.P.</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_86">86</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">REALISM</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_87">87</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: M EMILE ZOLA</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_88">88</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">AT THE RIDING SCHOOL</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_89">89</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: LORD TENNYSON</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_90">90</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">NO CHANCE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_91">91</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A FACT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_91b">91</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A PROMINENT FEATURE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_91c">91</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: SIR J. BLUNDELL MAPLE, M.P.</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_92">92</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">FORCE OF HABIT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_93">93</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. ALBERT CHEVALIER</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_94">94</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE UNKINDEST CUT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_95">95</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">DOUBLE SIGHT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_95b">95</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">PUTTING IT PLAINLY</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_95c">95</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">BRIDGET</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_95d">95</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">M. JAQUES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_96">96</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">OBVIOUS</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_97">97</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">MONSIEUR SARDOU</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_98">98</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">PLEASANT MEMORIES</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_99">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ADVICE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_99b">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A SONG AND A SINGER</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_99c">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. BEERBOHM TREE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_100">100</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A NASTY ONE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_101">101</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: GENERAL BOOTH</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_102">102</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE ACCENT ON THE PEG</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_103">103</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A RECOMMENDATION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_103b">103</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">PICKSOME</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_103c">103</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: AN EX-LORD MAYOR</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_104">104</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE WRONG SHOP</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_105">105</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. G. A. SALA</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">BAKERS' STRIKE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_107">107</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">GOING THE PACE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_107b">107</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A POSER FOR GRAN'PA</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_107c">107</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_107d">107</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE NORTH POLE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_108">108</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">SUGGESTIVE</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_109">109</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">LEG-ISLATION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_110">110</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE CONSUMING PASSION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_111b">111</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">THE DOWN TRAIN</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_111d">111</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">A DISTINCTION</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_111c">111</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="toctext">ON THE BRAIN: MR. PUNCH</span></td><td align="right" valign="bottom"><a href="#Page_112">112</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7"></a> +<h2><a name="PHIL_MAY_AND_HIS_ART" id="PHIL_MAY_AND_HIS_ART"></a>PHIL MAY AND HIS ART</h2> + + +<div class="figparts1"> +<img class="parts" src="images/and1.png" width="140" height="26" alt="&And" title=""> +</div> +<div class="figparts1"> +<img class="parts" src="images/and2.png" width="82" height="54" alt="" title=""> +</div> + +<p style="text-indent: 0em;">now, Mr. Whistler, what about Black and White +Art?" said an interviewer. "Black and White Art," +said Mr. Whistler, "is summed up in two words—Phil +May!" Nor is this merely a New School of Art paradox. +It is one which is held by artists of all grades alike, and even +by the art editor who professes to know and supply what the +public likes. That a youth who never had a lesson in drawing +in his life should have earned such a reputation between the +ages of seventeen and thirty, and should have gone above men +as honoured in their profession as Sir John Tenniel and Mr. +George du Maurier, and on a level with Charles Keene, Mr. +Abbey and Mr. Gibson, is enough to make Mr. May's art +extremely interesting. But his art is not nearly so instructive as +Mr. May himself; he is a human document to the hand of the +realist, and the student of heredity—if ever there was one. He +has been interviewed in a sketchy fashion by the journalistic +Mrs. Mangnall innumerable times; the high-art magazines have +added him to their lists of "Our Graphic Humorists," "Black +and White Artists," and "How Caricaturists Draw." The<a name="Page_8" id="Page_8"></a> +world is familiar with his own grotesque sketches of himself, and, +whether he is attired in riding breeches, a straw hat perched +on the back of his head, as he drives a coster's cart, or is +being flung out of a cab, his long cigar and his hair cut +in a bang straight across his forehead, are unchangeable and +unmistakeable. The public no doubt thinks that this is only +one of Phil May's jokes at his own expense, for the bold +Rabelaisian roundness of his humour suggests a man the very +reverse of the lean and hungry Cassius. But Phil May's +humour does not consist of making fat people thin, thin people +fat, exaggerating features, putting big heads upon little legs, +and such methods of distortion as we have so often seen +resorted to. This we learn from a glance at his home, which +is his studio life.</p> + +<p>Mr. May's artistic treasures are none of them the old +masters of a millionaire, but purely personal household gods, +each with a little story of a friendship, a reminiscence of hard-up +times, or some personal taste. The volumes in the old oak +book-case are not first editions, but they show a fine appreciation +for the best literature, and even the blue china is not wired +and hung-up. The drawing-board seems to act as an address-book, +and the grandfather's clock by the fireplace in its old +age has given up making a nuisance of itself by repeating +"For ever, never." The mantelpiece is peopled with little +Japanese dolls, little bronzes and brasses, and figures carved +in yellow ivory. These, with a few plaster casts of arms and +legs which hang on the walls, a line of Japanese prints put +around the ceiling "to try an effect," a few Japanese lanterns +hanging from the roof, some Japanese lay-figures in armour +standing round the walls, and a few sketches, are about all the<a name="Page_9" id="Page_9"></a> +decoration of this long sky-lit room. But most important of +all is the index to as remarkable a story as was ever told by +a successful man, a story which has never been told before. +It is only an old mug. The substance is earthenware, the +decoration obviously pseudo-oriental, and the design and +glaze nothing marvellous. It clearly comes from the English +potteries, but it has no mark, and it is certainly not Chelsea, +Derby, Yarmouth, Bristol, Lowestoft, or any of the rarer and +higher-priced wares. The hand of Wedgwood, Voyez, or +Elers is not seen in its design, and, indeed, it is difficult +precisely to locate its origin. And yet, it should now take its +place in Chaffers and Church who know it not. Our dilemma +is solved by Mr. May himself, who seems, in his usual casual +modest way, to have attached no importance to it, and who, +from subsequent inquiries, has only a very superficial knowledge +which would not satisfy a ceramic maniac, to say nothing +of a family historian. "That mug was made," says Mr. May, +"by my grandfather. I don't know much more about him +than he knows about me; but if you are interested in china, +you may care for some details which may help you to hunt it +up. He was a potter in the Midlands—if you want to be +particular, at Snead, in Staffordshire—and, I believe, was +fairly well off; for the design, which is that of a hunt, was +made to commemorate his becoming the master of the local +hounds. If you say that his name is not given in any of the +handbooks, I am sure you are right; but all I know is, the +firm, whatever it was called, came to grief owing to the war—and +I can't tell you what war; but it was not the China war." +Here the student of heredity will discern the rude germ of +the artistic temperament which has so developed in the third<a name="Page_10" id="Page_10"></a> +generation. It was in the interests of the hereditary artistic +strain that Mr. May was induced to tell the story. He is not +so impressed as are many people with the necessity of having +a grandfather, and knows no more about him than is related +above. Mr. May's father was apprenticed as an engineer to +George Stephenson, and worked in the drawing office of the +great engineer at Newcastle, where he met his wife. She was +a Miss Macarthy, and her father was Eugène Macarthy, who +belonged to an old theatrical family connected with the management +of the New Theatre, Wolverhampton. An old bill +on satin struck to commemorate a "Bespeak" performance, +"under the distinguished patronage of Lord Wrottesley," +gives Eugène Macarthy as playing Lord Tinsel in <i>The Hunchback</i>, +and Jenkins, in <i>Gretna Green</i>; or, <i>The Biter Bit</i>, on +Friday, May 9th, 1845. In this bill Mr. James Bennett was +the Master Walter; H. Lacy the Modus; Mrs. W. Rignold +the Julia, and Miss Fanny Wallack, Helen.</p> + +<p>Mr. May's father was unlucky in life. He started a brass-foundry, +but, as your host puts it, his partner cleared off with +all the brass; and a consulting-engineer business was not much +more satisfactory. Mr. Phil May was born in 1864, shortly +after the collapse of the brass-foundry, at Wortley, an outlying +manufacturing district of Leeds. His father died when he +was nine years old, and his schooldays, as he tells you, commenced +early in the School Board era. At that time the new +officials were very alert, so he had one year's scholastic education. +He was a little delicate fellow, and was made a butt of +by the other boys; and he was the victim of many practical +jokes.</p> + +<p>"My artistic career," Mr. May tells you, "may be said to<a name="Page_11" id="Page_11"></a> +have begun when I was about twelve, at which time the Grand +Theatre, Leeds, opened. The local scene-painter was a man +called Fox, a brother of Charles Fox, and I became acquainted +with his son, who helped to mix the distemper. Young Fox and +other boys called Ford, Sammy Stead, and I used to rehearse +pantomimes. Our stage was a back street, and our scenery +was designed with a stick in the gutter; but we omitted +nothing. The star-traps were all marked out, and we made +our descents by flinging ourselves on our faces in the muddy +road. I was always a sprite, and carried 'The Book of Fate,' +which had a prominent place in all our pantomimes."</p> + +<p>Mr. May used to sketch sections of other people's designs +of costumes for use in the ward-robe room, and eventually got +to designing comic dresses and suggestions for masks and +make-ups in the property-room. This brought him orders for +actor's portraits, for which he received at first a shilling, and +later five shillings. Remuneration bred independence, and he +took to living with three or four other boys, their lodgings costing +five shillings a week. After a year or two of this life, the late +Fred Stimpson, who had a travelling burlesque company, +engaged May to play small parts and do six sketches every +week to serve as window-bills in the various small towns they +visited. His remuneration was twelve shillings a week, and +on this he lived for two or more years. After that, about 1873, +he got an engagement to draw for a small local comic journal, +called <i>The Yorkshire Gossip</i>, which died after four weeks. In +1882 Mr. May was engaged to design the dresses for the +Leeds pantomime, and flushed with success, or sickened with +the squalid hand-to-hand life he had led since he was a boy—he +was then a full-grown man of seventeen—he made up his<a name="Page_12" id="Page_12"></a> +mind to burn his boats and come to London, and <i>there</i> he +became a tragedian. His finances consisted of one sovereign. +Fifteen shillings and five-pence halfpenny bought him a third-class +ticket, and vanity and temptation cost him four shillings +and sixpence at the Gaiety Bar. "But what," he adds, "did +it all matter? I was in London—the lap of luxury. I remembered +my aunt, Mrs. Hanner, who had married again, an actor +called Fred Morton, and I looked them up at St. John Street +Road, Islington." Mr. May does not think they were very +glad to see him; but they took him in, gave him food and a +night's lodging, and next day his new uncle, after showing him +the sights of London, put him in the Leeds train. He got +out, however, at the next station and walked back. Chance +led him towards Clapham way. It was winter and he tried to +get work, till he was too tired to walk and too cold and hungry +to speak. He begged the broken dry biscuits at the public-houses; +he quenched his thirst at the street fountains. The +best bit of luck he had was when he induced a child on the +Suspension Bridge to part with his bread and bacon in exchange +for a walking-stick. He led a terrible life of privation, and by +night slept in the Park, on the Embankment, or in a cart in +the Market near the stage-door of the Princess's Theatre. He +was too proud to go to his relations or to Mr. Wilson Barrett. +The first bit of real luck he had was in meeting with the +keeper of a photograph shop near Charing Cross. He took +May's drawing of Irving, Toole and Bancroft, and published it. +It was a partnership arrangement, and the publisher lost about +£5 in the venture. But though he was nearly as hard up as +Mr. May was, when he had any money, he used often to take +him to a shop near the old Pavilion and give him a dinner<a name="Page_13" id="Page_13"></a> +of beef <i>à la mode</i>. "It was good!" Mr. May tells you. A +Mr. Rising who played at the Comedy Theatre, introduced +Mr. May to Lionel Brough, who purchased the original sketch +of Irving, Bancroft and Toole for £2 2s., and introduced him +to a little paper called <i>Society</i>, for which he did some drawings. +But between these periods Mr. May suffered long spells of +penury, when he would have been glad to have taken up his +position with a handkerchief full of broken chalks and drawn +on the pavement. At last a drawing of Mr. Bancroft in +<i>Society</i> brought him an introduction to Mr. Edward Russell, +who introduced him to the management of the <i>St. Stephen's +Review</i>. It was not then an illustrated paper, but a Christmas +Number was being issued. The illustrations were already +arranged for, so there was nothing for him to do. The disappointment, +or long privation—for he was only eighteen at +the time—or both, brought on an illness, and he returned to +Leeds. A telegram from Mr. Russell brought him to London. +The illustrations for the Christmas Number would not do, and +Mr. May was asked to do them all himself—cartoon, illustrations, +cover, and initials—in a week! He hired a room in a +small hotel near the Princess's, and worked day and night, +finished the whole thing, and was paid. He remained in his +humble lodgings till his money was gone, and he used, as he +says, to "go out for breakfast and dinner," which meant walking +about for appearances' sake. The proprietor of the hotel in +question, who was also a waiter at a club, found him out, and +when he came home at three or four in the morning used to +dig him out to share his supper; and when, through sheer +shame, May confessed he could not pay him, he insisted on his +remaining in his house. Mr. Brough introduced Mr. May to<a name="Page_14" id="Page_14"></a> +Alias the costumier, who engaged him as designer of the <i>Nell +Gwynne</i> dresses, and kept him on to design pictures for a book, +<i>The Juvenile Shakespeare</i>, on which they were to collaborate; +but it came to nothing. Then the <i>St. Stephen's</i> started illustrations, +and he was employed by it till an agent came from +Australia to discover an artist for the <i>Sydney Bulletin</i>. Mr. +May seized the opportunity of going to the antipodes, and +went. The fine air, the warm climate, and the regular food +made, as he tells you, a man of him; but it was the starvation, +he adds, which made him the artist he is.</p> + +<p>The rest of Mr. Phil May's story has been told before, +and is not interesting, being one long series of successes, which +culminated in his winning the blue ribbon of black-and-white +art, an appointment on <i>Punch</i>, which leaves him free to draw +for any other paper that appreciates his art and can pay his +prices.</p> + +<p>The story of his early life and struggles is not exceeded +in interest, perhaps, by that of anybody except that of Henri +Murger or that of Honoré de Balzac. The <i>hard</i> life he once +led has left his features somewhat <i>hard</i>, but it has not soured +his disposition. There is nothing of the cynic in him. He is +still careless of everything but his art, generous to a fault not +only with his money, but with his lavish praises of the work of +those who aspire to be his rivals. High and low, everybody +speaks of him as "dear old Phil," and the applause, even of +princes, has not made him a snob. His talents and his temptations +would have made many a boy of more severe training +a pickpocket, burglar, or a gaol bird, as François Villon was. +It made Phil May an artist, and his story is one to be remembered +as an encouragement instead of a warning.<a name="Page_15" id="Page_15"></a> + + +<p>Of the one hundred and twenty drawings collected in this +volume, there is little to say, for they speak for themselves. +For some of them, I am indebted to Mr. Louis Meyer of +13a Pall Mall, who has enabled me to complete the series of +drawings done at a time when Phil May was, as I have +described him above, a poor, struggling artist. Youth and +enthusiasm, made these drawings bolder than most of his later +work, and the lack of pence, when every line meant pennies, +made them more elaborately finished than those which of late +he has made us accustomed to. But though everyone is satisfied +with his present work, I can only trust that the artistic +majority will think with me that he has never done better +than these drawings which are here collected. That at least +is why I have published them.</p> + +<p class="signature" style="padding-bottom:1em;">AUGUSTUS M. MOORE</p> + +<a name="Page_16" id="Page_16"></a> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:618px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_018_large.png"> +<img src="images/i_018_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="618" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE LEGITIMATE</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"'Ow's business, Jacko?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Damned bad. What can you expect with this bloomin' opposition!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:415px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_019_large.png"> +<img src="images/i_019_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="415" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A QUESTION OF HOSE</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:545px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_020_large.png"> +<img src="images/i_020_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="545" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">FALLEN GREATNESS</p> + +<p class="hangindent"><span class="speaker">Native:</span> "Well, yer see, mum, I was once in a very 'igh persition, +my missus used to do all the washin' for the Royal Hotel."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_021_large.png"> +<img src="images/i_021_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="370" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">"NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED"</p> + +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:411px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_022_large.png"><img src="images/i_022_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="411" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">NEW VERSION</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap" style="font-weight:bold;font-size:.9em;">The Temptation of Anthony</span> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_023_large.png"><img src="images/i_023_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="307" height="600"></a> +<p class="brain smcap">Mrs. Martha Ricks—"Aunt Martha"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:484px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_024_large.png"><img src="images/i_024_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="484" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">FATE!</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Owth's Ikey?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Vy, Ikeyth's dead."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"You don't thay so. Vy I thor him goin' ter the thinagogue lathst week."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Vell, ith's all along of that thinagogue that Ikeyth's dead. They was +a-justh coming out, ven someone outside shouted out, 'Sale goin' ter commenth,' +and Ikey was killed in the crush!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_025_large.png"><img src="images/i_025_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="315" height="600"></a> + +<p class="brain smcap">H.R.H. The Prince of Wales</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:602px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_026_large.png"><img src="images/i_026_small.png" border="0" alt="AT THE NATIONAL SPORTING CLUB" title="" width="602" height="700"></a> +<p class="captiontitle">THE NOBLE ART</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_027_large.png"><img src="images/i_027_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="370" height="600"></a> + +<p class="brain smcap">The Duke of Cambridge</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_028_large.png"><img src="images/i_028_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="565"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">PRO BONO PUBLICO</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Discontented Artist:</span> "I wish I had a fortune. I would never paint +again."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Generous "Brother-Brush":</span> "By Jove, old man, I wish <i>I</i> had one. +I'd give it to you!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_029_large.png"><img src="images/i_029_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="333" height="600"></a> +<p class="brain smcap">The Duke of Fife</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:524px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_030_large.png"><img src="images/i_030_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="524" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">ACCOMMODATING</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Customer:</span> "I want a respirator, please."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Chemist:</span> "I'm afraid, sir, we haven't one your size in stock, but if you +will wait until I go and get a tape-measure, I will get you one made!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_031_large.png"><img src="images/i_031_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="412" height="600"></a> +<p class="brain smcap">The German Emperor</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:513px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_032_large.png"><img src="images/i_032_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="513" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Flunkey:</span> "Excuse me, mum, but the banquet has commenced, and I can't +admit you. Them's my orders."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "But the Mayor is here, isn't he?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Flunkey:</span> "Oh, yes, he's here right enough."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "Well, but I'm his lady."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Flunkey:</span> "It makes no difference, mum; I couldn't admit you if you +were his wife."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32"></a> + +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_033_large.png"><img src="images/i_033_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="273" height="600"></a> + +<p class="smcap brain">The Duc d'Orleans</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:536px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_034_large.png"><img src="images/i_034_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="536" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">ALL THE DIFFERENCE</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Barmaid:</span> "I beg pardon, I have taken twopence too much. I didn't know +you were an actor. I thought you were only a gentleman!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:514px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_035_large.png"><img src="images/i_035_small.png" border="0" alt="THREE MEN IN A BOOT" title="" width="514" height="600"></a> +<p class="captiontitle">THREE MEN IN A BOOT</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_036a_large.png"><img src="images/i_036a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="460" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A FRIEND IN NEED</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Invalid:</span> "I sometimes feel inclined to blow my brains out."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Friend:</span> "I shouldn't advise you to try it, old chap, you know you're a bad +shot, and there's nothing much to aim at!"</p> +</div> + +<a name="Page_35b" id="Page_35b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_036b_large.png"><img src="images/i_036b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="524"></a> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Cousin Jane:</span> "I want ma to have her portrait painted. Who would you +recommend?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Cousin George:</span> "Stacy Marks."</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_037_large.png"><img src="images/i_037_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="261" height="600"></a> + +<p class="smcap brain">Mrs. Besant</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:593px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_038_large.png"><img src="images/i_038_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="593" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">AN UPRIGHT COURSE</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Parson:</span> "Tell me, my good man, do you know the way to heaven?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Old Cantankerous</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>who doesn't like parsons</i>):</span> "Well, I sh'd think if you +was to follow your nose, it 'ud be a short cut!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> + +<a href="images/i_039_large.png"><img src="images/i_039_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="400" height="600"></a> + +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Henry George</p> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_040_large.png"><img src="images/i_040_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR</p> + +<p class="captioncenter">"You are!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_041_large.png"><img src="images/i_041_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="315" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir Charles Ewan Smith</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:612px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_042_large.png"><img src="images/i_042_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="612" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">ON THE SANDS</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Machine Man</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>to bather who has been complaining that he was not taken +out far enough</i>):</span> "Why, lor bless yer, Sir, I once know'd a man who could +dive in two foot of water."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Bather:</span> "And where's he buried?"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_043_large.png"><img src="images/i_043_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="255" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. George Grossmith</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:574px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_044_large.png"><img src="images/i_044_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="574" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">WOMANLY</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">First Philanthropist:</span> "Cannot we start a society for the employment +of the poor Russian Jews?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Second Ditto:</span> "Well, you see, what could they do? You know that +they can't speak English."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">First Ditto:</span> "Oh, get them something to do on the railway, to call out +the names of the stations, for instance."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_045_large.png"><img src="images/i_045_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="237" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Arthur Roberts</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:568px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_046_large.png"><img src="images/i_046_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="568" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">OUR CLIMATE</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Look here, that barometer you sold me a month ago has got out of +order, it won't work."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Well, you see, sir, look what a lot of wear and tear 'e's 'ad lately."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_047_large.png"><img src="images/i_047_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="273" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir George Newnes</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:371px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_048_large.png"><img src="images/i_048_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="371" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">CHEEK</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Urchin:</span> "Hi, governor, remember the warning afore yer starts!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_049_large.png"><img src="images/i_049_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="325" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir George Dibbs</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:508px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_050_large.png"><img src="images/i_050_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="508" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">INFORMATION WANTED</p> + +<p class="captioncenter"><span class="speaker">Fat Party:</span> "Say, boy, do my boots want cleaning?"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_051_large.png"><img src="images/i_051_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="424" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Horace Sedger</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_052_large.png"><img src="images/i_052_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="561"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">French Professor:</span> "How would you pronounce t-o-u-t-a-f-a-i-t?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Pupil:</span> "Totty Fay."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_053_large.png"><img src="images/i_053_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="397" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The Marquis of Queensberry</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:461px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_054_large.png"><img src="images/i_054_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="461" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">HARD LINES</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Day Policeman</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>relieving night-man</i>):</span> "How's the missus?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Night Policeman:</span> "I don't know. 'Aven't seen her for ten years."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Day Policeman:</span> "But ye're living together, aren't yer?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Night Policeman:</span> "Yes, but she's a charwoman, an' is out all day, an' +I'm out all night. So we've never met since we came back from our honeymoon."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_055_large.png"><img src="images/i_055_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="351" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. W. T. Stead</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:585px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_056_large.png"><img src="images/i_056_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="585" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">MUTUAL CONSIDERATION</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Art Critic:</span> "What do you think of Alma Cadmium's painting?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Artist:</span> "Oh, I think it is superb."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Art Critic:</span> "I'm surprised to hear you say that. <i>He</i> says just the +reverse of yours."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Artist:</span> "Ah, well, perhaps we're both mistaken!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_057_large.png"><img src="images/i_057_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="268" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. William Morris</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:436px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_058_large.png"><img src="images/i_058_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="436" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">BRITONS IN PARIS</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">First Englishman:</span> "Where shall we go?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Second Englishman</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>who does not know that 'relâche' means that the +piece is taken off</i>):</span> "Let's go to the Eden and see 'Relâche'!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_059_large.png"><img src="images/i_059_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="402" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir Henry Parkes</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:602px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_060_large.png"><img src="images/i_060_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="602" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">READY FOR THE BALL</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Phwell and phwat do ye think of me, darlint?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Shure ye look jist illigent, but I phwish it wur a mask ball!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_061_large.png"><img src="images/i_061_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="350" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Lord Dufferin</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_062_large.png"><img src="images/i_062_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="467"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">BEFORE HIS FRIENDS</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Brown</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>who likes to be thought a swell, and who has been entrusted with +a friend's brougham for the night</i>):</span> "Home, John."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">John:</span> "Where's that, sir?"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_063_large.png"><img src="images/i_063_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="345" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir Augustus Harris</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:343px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_064_large.png"><img src="images/i_064_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="343" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">SAINTLY POLITENESS</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_065_large.png"><img src="images/i_065_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="379" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir Edward Lawson</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:591px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_066_large.png"><img src="images/i_066_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="591" height="700"></a> +<p class="captiontitle"> OH, LISTEN TO A TALE OF "WO"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_067_large.png"><img src="images/i_067_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="403" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Rudyard Kipling</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_068a_large.png"><img src="images/i_068a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="599" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE NEW JEW</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"And so you're going to marry a Christian +and disgrace your poor old father."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Yeth, but I'm goin' to change my name +to Smith."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"But what are you goin' to do with <i>that</i> +nose?"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_67b" id="Page_67b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_068b_large.png"><img src="images/i_068b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="537"></a> + +<p class="captiontext">"Oh, I say! Ain't 'e in a bloomin' 'urry; +'e wants to git there before the 'orse."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_67c" id="Page_67c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_068c_large.png"><img src="images/i_068c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="485" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext">"Yes, I was three months in the dessert, with +nothing to drink but camel's milk."</p> +<p class="captiontext">"Didn't it give you the <i>hump</i>!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_069_large.png"><img src="images/i_069_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="382" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The Right Hon. W. V. Harcourt, M.P.</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:439px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_070_large.png"><img src="images/i_070_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="439" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Pious Friend:</span> "Dear me, I'm sorry to see you coming out of a +public-house, Mr. Brown."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Couldn't help it, ole fel' (<i>hic</i>), I was chucked out!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_071_large.png"><img src="images/i_071_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="357" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Monsieur Ernest Renan</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_072a_large.png"><img src="images/i_072a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="585" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_71b" id="Page_71b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_072b_large.png"><img src="images/i_072b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="482"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">LIP.</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">New Arrival</span> +<span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>in Australia</i>):</span> "What's good for mosquitoes?"</p> +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Resident:</span> "You are!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_073_large.png"><img src="images/i_073_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="353" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The Late Lord Randolph Churchill</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:584px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_074_large.png"><img src="images/i_074_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="584" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE CAPE MAIL</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Clerk:</span> "The letter is too heavy. It will require an extra stamp."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "Won't that make it heavier?"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_075_large.png"><img src="images/i_075_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="309" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Lord Russell of Killowen</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:505px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_076_large.png"><img src="images/i_076_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="505" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext">"What the deuce are you smoking, old chap?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Well, you see, the doctor has limited me to one cigar a day!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_077_large.png"><img src="images/i_077_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="347" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. H. M. Stanley</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_078_large.png"><img src="images/i_078_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="667"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">INFORMATION</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Obliging Driver</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>to country visitor, who is trying to see London from the +top of a 'bus in an intense fog</i>):</span> "That there's the Halbert Memorial, but you +can't see it!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_079_large.png"><img src="images/i_079_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="345" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Lord Alington</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_080a_large.png"><img src="images/i_080a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="648"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">INQUISITIVE</p> + +<p class="captioncenter">"Oh, ma! Are those what they call sea legs?"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_79b" id="Page_79b"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_080b_large.png"><img src="images/i_080b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="490" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A HOWLING SWELL</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_081_large.png"><img src="images/i_081_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="383" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The Rt. Hon. A. J. Balfour, M.P.</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:519px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_082_large.png"><img src="images/i_082_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="519" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">AN IDLE FELLOW</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Visitor:</span> "I hear you've had the celebrated Mr. Abbey, the artist, staying +with you down here."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Proprietor of Old-Fashioned Inn:</span> "Yes, sir, an' he be the <i>laziest</i> man +I ever came across. He do nothing but dror and paint all day!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_083_large.png"><img src="images/i_083_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="420" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The £1,000 per Night-ingale</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:670px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_084a_large.png"><img src="images/i_084a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="508" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Grandpapa</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>to Tommy, who has just come +home from school</i>):</span> "And did you get a good +place in your class at the last examination?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Tommy:</span> "Yes; next to the stove."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_83b" id="Page_83b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:670px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_084b_large.png"><img src="images/i_084b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="521" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">POODLES</p> +</div> + +<a name="Page_83c" id="Page_83c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:670px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_084c_large.png"><img src="images/i_084c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="670" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A PLEASANT PROSPECT</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Grandma, shall I have a face like you when I get old?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Yes, my dear, if you're good."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_085_large.png"><img src="images/i_085_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="408" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">The Rt. Hon. W. E. Gladstone</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:574px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_086_large.png"><img src="images/i_086_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="574" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">ON THE SANDS</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Lor', 'Arry, ain't it 'ot?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Well, sit down, an' I'll blow yer."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_087_large.png"><img src="images/i_087_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="267" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Joseph Chamberlain, M.P.</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:521px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_088_large.png"><img src="images/i_088_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="521" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">REALISM</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Comedian:</span> "The critic of the <i>Back Alley Chronicle</i> described me as giving +a very 'saponaceous' rendering to my part. What does 'saponaceous' mean, +dear boy?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Tragedian</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>with learned dignity</i>):</span> "Cudgel not thy brains with words +higher than thy bloomin' salary."</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_089_large.png"><img src="images/i_089_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="372" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Monsieur Emile Zola</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:527px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_090_large.png"><img src="images/i_090_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="527" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">AT THE RIDING SCHOOL</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Nervous Pupil:</span> "When do you think I shall go on the road?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Riding Master:</span> "Very soon, if you don't sit better than that."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_091_large.png"><img src="images/i_091_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="326" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Lord Tennyson</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:586px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_092a_large.png"><img src="images/i_092a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="586" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">NO CHANCE</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Always take care of your money, my son."</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"I can't, you never give me any."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_91b" id="Page_91b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:586px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_092b_large.png"><img src="images/i_092b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="483" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "But I really thought you +were much taller than you are, Mr. Smith."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">He:</span> "Oh, no! Not a bit, I +assure you!"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_91c" id="Page_91c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:586px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_092c_large.png"><img src="images/i_092c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="546" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A PROMINENT FEATURE</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"Hillo, Bill! What's the matter +with your nose?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"I don't know. Think my conscience +must have pricked it."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_093_large.png"><img src="images/i_093_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="336" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Sir Blundell Maple, M.P.</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:700px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_094_large.png"><img src="images/i_094_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="700" height="469"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">FORCE OF HABIT</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Prison Photographer</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>who has just obtained the post, to sitter, who is +about to undergo twenty years' penal servitude</i>):</span> "Now sir, look pleasant!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_095_large.png"><img src="images/i_095_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="322" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Albert Chevalier</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:530px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_096a_large.png"><img src="images/i_096a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="530" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE UNKINDEST CUT</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">He:</span> "I grew a beard and moustache +for ten years, and I forgot what I was like without, so I just shaved to see."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "And weren't you shocked?"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_95b" id="Page_95b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:530px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_096b_large.png"><img src="images/i_096b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="520" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext">"Hillo, Bill—blind again?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext">"I beg pardon, I'm not blind at all; +asha-matterer-fac, I can see twiche-ash-much +as you."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_95c" id="Page_95c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:530px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_096c_large.png"><img src="images/i_096c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="530" height="700"></a> +<p class="captiontext">"Say, would you be so stupid as to lend me 5s.?"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_95d" id="Page_95d"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:530px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_096d_large.png"><img src="images/i_096d_small.png" border="0" alt="Bridget." title="" width="409" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle smcap">In Her War-Paint</p> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:418px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_097_large.png"><img src="images/i_097_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="418" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">FAST AND LOOSE</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:311px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_098_large.png"><img src="images/i_098_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="311" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">OBVIOUS</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:433px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_099_large.png"><img src="images/i_099_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="433" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">MONSIEUR SARDOU</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:629px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_100a_large.png"><img src="images/i_100a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="629" height="700"></a> +<p class="captiontitle">PLEASANT MEMORIES</p> +<p class="captioncenter">"Ah, it's many a day since I 'ad it!"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_99b" id="Page_99b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:629px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_100b_large.png"><img src="images/i_100b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="628" height="700"></a> + +<p class="hangindent"><span class="speaker">She:</span> "It must be a dreadful thing to become old +and ugly. I should much prefer to die young."</p> + +<p class="hangindent"><span class="speaker">He:</span> "You'll have to hurry up then!"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_99c" id="Page_99c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:629px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_100c_large.png"><img src="images/i_100c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="482" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captioncenter">"I have a Song to Sing O."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_101_large.png"><img src="images/i_101_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="254" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Beerbohm Tree</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:619px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_102_large.png"><img src="images/i_102_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="619" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">A NASTY ONE</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Wrymug:</span> "I assure you the blamed fog was so thick I couldn't find the +way to my own mouth."</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Quizzer:</span> "What! When it's just round the corner!"</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_103_large.png"><img src="images/i_103_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="356" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">General Booth</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:616px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_104a_large.png"><img src="images/i_104a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="616" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">NEW USE FOR A CLOTHES-PEG</p> +<p class="captiontitle smcap">How to obtain a good French accent</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_103b" id="Page_103b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:616px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_104b_large.png"><img src="images/i_104b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="488" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Mistress</span> <span style="font-weight:bold;">(<i>to new cook</i>):</span> "Now are +you sure you have had experience?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Cook:</span> "Oh, yes, mum! I've been +in 'undreds of places."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_103c" id="Page_103c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:616px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_104c_large.png"><img src="images/i_104c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="563" height="700"></a> +<p class="captiontitle">PICKSOME</p> +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Little Spriggins:</span> "Yes, we always +dine at a private table. You see, my wife +is so fond of picking bones."</p> +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Old Joker:</span> "I suppose that's why +she picked you."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_105_large.png"><img src="images/i_105_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="427" height="700"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Lord Mayor Savory</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_106_large.png"><img src="images/i_106_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="500" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE WRONG SHOP</p> + +<p class="captioncenter">(<i>Carol singing in Hatton Garden</i>) "Christians Awake!"</p> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_107_large.png"><img src="images/i_107_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="316" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. George Augustus Sala</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:550px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_108a_large.png"><img src="images/i_108a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="542" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">BAKERS' STRIKE</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<span class="i0">They've recently discovered that they'll never want a feed<br></span> +<span class="i0">As long as they think fit to <i>loaf</i> the less our bread we <i>knead</i>.</span> +</div> +</div> +<a name="Page_107b" id="Page_107b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:550px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_108b_large.png"><img src="images/i_108b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="550" height="700"></a> + +<p class="hangindent"><span class="speaker">She:</span> Oh, John, we're next the engine."</p> + +<p class="hangindent"><span class="speaker">He:</span> "Never mind, we'll get there all +the quicker."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_107c" id="Page_107c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:550px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_108c_large.png"><img src="images/i_108c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="423" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captioncenter"><span class="speaker">The Boy:</span> "Grandpa, is a Jewess a She-brew?"</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_107d" id="Page_107d"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:550px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_108d_large.png"><img src="images/i_108d_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="470" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">SAVAGE SOUTH AFRICA</p> + +<p class="captioncenter smcap">A Prior Engagement.</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:560px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_109_large.png"><img src="images/i_109_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="560" height="600"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">THE NORTH POLE</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:547px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_110_large.png"><img src="images/i_110_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="547" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">SUGGESTIVE</p> +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Small Boy:</span> "Hi! Can you spare a <i>copper</i>?"</p> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:434px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> + +<a href="images/i_111_large.png"><img src="images/i_111_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="434" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">LEG-ISLATION</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:571px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_112a_large.png"><img src="images/i_112a_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="491" height="700"></a> + +<p class="captiontitle">INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Yokel:</span> "Say, sir, does I put this +'er stamp on meself?"</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Post-Assistant:</span> "On yourself. +No, on the letter, you booby."</p> +</div> +<a name="Page_111b" id="Page_111b"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:571px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_112b_large.png"><img src="images/i_112b_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="571" height="700"></a> + + +<p class="captiontitle">THE CONSUMING PASSION</p> + +<p class="hangindent">"Have you heard that Jones has +given up 'booze'?"</p> + +<p class="hangindent">"No, I wouldn't believe it."</p> + +<p class="hangindent">"But he has, and he's dead."</p> +</div> + +<a name="Page_111d" id="Page_111d"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:571px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_112d_large.png"><img src="images/i_112d_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="526" height="700"></a> + + +<p class="captiontitle">THE DOWN TRAIN</p> + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Crossing Sweeper:</span> "'Ere, if you're +goin' to sweep the bloomin' crossin' yerself, +I'm hoff."</p> +</div> + + +<a name="Page_111c" id="Page_111c"></a> +<div class="figcenter" style="width:571px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<a href="images/i_112c_large.png"><img src="images/i_112c_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="539" height="700"></a> + + +<p class="captiontext"><span class="speaker">Retired Burglar:</span> "Oh, my son! +Always remember that it is wrong to +steal on Sunday."</p> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" class="newpg"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112"></a> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:500px;padding-bottom:.5em;padding-top:.25em;"> +<p class="brain">ON THE BRAIN</p> +<a href="images/i_113_large.png"><img src="images/i_113_small.png" border="0" alt="" title="" width="435" height="600"></a> +<p class="smcap brain">Mr. Punch</p> +</div> + +<a name="Page_113" id="Page_113"></a> + + + + +</body> +</html> + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Phil May Album, by Phil May + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + +***** This file should be named 37767-h.htm or 37767-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/7/6/37767/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Phil May Album + +Author: Phil May + +Release Date: October 16, 2011 [EBook #37767] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + + +THE PHIL MAY ALBUM + + + + +[Illustration: BLOWING A CLOUD] + + + + + THE + PHIL MAY + ALBUM + + COLLECTED BY + AUGUSTUS M. MOORE + + METHUEN & CO. + 36 ESSEX STREET, W.C. + LONDON + 1900 + + + + + EDMUND EVANS + PRINTER + RACQUET COURT + FLEET STREET + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PAGE + + BLOWING A CLOUD 2 + + INTRODUCTION 7 + + THE LEGITIMATE 17 + + A QUESTION OF HOSE 18 + + FALLEN GREATNESS 19 + + "NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED" 20 + + THE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONY 21 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE QUEEN AND MRS. MARTHA RICKS 22 + + FATE! 23 + + ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. AND STIGGINS 24 + + THE NOBLE ART 25 + + ON THE BRAIN: H.R.H. THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE 26 + + PRO BONO PUBLICO 27 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE DUKE OF FIFE 28 + + ACCOMMODATING 29 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE GERMAN EMPEROR 30 + + AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET 31 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE DUC D'ORLEANS 32 + + ALL THE DIFFERENCE 33 + + THREE MEN IN A BOOT 34 + + A FRIEND IN NEED 35 + + LIKE A BIRD 35 + + ON THE BRAIN: MRS. ANNIE BESANT 36 + + AN UPRIGHT COURSE 37 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. HENRY GEORGE 38 + + A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR 39 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH 40 + + ON THE SANDS 41 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH 42 + + WOMANLY 43 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS 44 + + OUR CLIMATE 45 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE NEWNES 46 + + CHEEK 47 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR GEORGE DIBBS 48 + + INFORMATION WANTED 49 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. HORACE SEDGER 50 + + FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE 51 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY 52 + + HARD LINES 53 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. W. T. STEAD 54 + + MUTUAL CONSIDERATION 55 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. WILLIAM MORRIS 56 + + BRITONS IN PARIS 57 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR HENRY PARKES 58 + + READY FOR THE BALL 59 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE MARQUIS OF DUFFERIN AND AVA 60 + + BEFORE HIS FRIENDS 61 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR AUGUSTUS HARRIS 62 + + SAINTLY POLITENESS 63 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR EDWARD LAWSON 64 + + "OH, LISTEN TO MY TALE OF 'WO'" 65 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. RUDYARD KIPLING 66 + + THE NEW JEW 67 + + STREET COMPLIMENTS 67 + + DEDUCTION 67 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR WILLIAM V. HARCOURT, M.P. 68 + + THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES 69 + + ON THE BRAIN: M. ERNEST RENAN 70 + + A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS 71 + + LIP 71 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL 72 + + THE CAPE MAIL 73 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD RUSSELL OF KILLOWEN 74 + + LIMITED 75 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. H. M. STANLEY 76 + + INFORMATION 77 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD ALINGTON 78 + + INQUISITIVE 79 + + A HOWLING SWELL 79 + + ON THE BRAIN: RT. HON. A. J. BALFOUR, M.P. 80 + + AN IDLE FELLOW 81 + + ON THE BRAIN: MADAME ADELINA PATTI 82 + + A GOOD PLACE 83 + + POODLES 83 + + A PLEASANT PROSPECT 83 + + ON THE BRAIN: RIGHT HON. W. E. GLADSTONE 84 + + ON THE SANDS 85 + + ON THE BRAIN: THE RIGHT HON. JOSEPH + CHAMBERLAIN, M.P. 86 + + REALISM 87 + + ON THE BRAIN: M EMILE ZOLA 88 + + AT THE RIDING SCHOOL 89 + + ON THE BRAIN: LORD TENNYSON 90 + + NO CHANCE 91 + + A FACT 91 + + A PROMINENT FEATURE 91 + + ON THE BRAIN: SIR J. BLUNDELL MAPLE, M.P. 92 + + FORCE OF HABIT 93 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. ALBERT CHEVALIER 94 + + THE UNKINDEST CUT 95 + + DOUBLE SIGHT 95 + + PUTTING IT PLAINLY 95 + + BRIDGET 95 + + M. JAQUES 96 + + OBVIOUS 97 + + MONSIEUR SARDOU 98 + + PLEASANT MEMORIES 99 + + ADVICE 99 + + A SONG AND A SINGER 99 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. BEERBOHM TREE 100 + + A NASTY ONE 101 + + ON THE BRAIN: GENERAL BOOTH 102 + + THE ACCENT ON THE PEG 103 + + A RECOMMENDATION 103 + + PICKSOME 103 + + ON THE BRAIN: AN EX-LORD MAYOR 104 + + THE WRONG SHOP 105 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. G. A. SALA 106 + + BAKERS' STRIKE 107 + + GOING THE PACE 107 + + A POSER FOR GRAN'PA 107 + + A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT 107 + + THE NORTH POLE 108 + + SUGGESTIVE 109 + + LEG-ISLATION 110 + + INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT 111 + + THE CONSUMING PASSION 111 + + THE DOWN TRAIN 111 + + A DISTINCTION 111 + + ON THE BRAIN: MR. PUNCH 112 + + + + +PHIL MAY AND HIS ART + + +"And now, Mr. Whistler, what about Black and White Art?" said an +interviewer. "Black and White Art," said Mr. Whistler, "is summed up in +two words--Phil May!" Nor is this merely a New School of Art paradox. It +is one which is held by artists of all grades alike, and even by the art +editor who professes to know and supply what the public likes. That a +youth who never had a lesson in drawing in his life should have earned +such a reputation between the ages of seventeen and thirty, and should +have gone above men as honoured in their profession as Sir John Tenniel +and Mr. George du Maurier, and on a level with Charles Keene, Mr. Abbey +and Mr. Gibson, is enough to make Mr. May's art extremely interesting. +But his art is not nearly so instructive as Mr. May himself; he is a +human document to the hand of the realist, and the student of +heredity--if ever there was one. He has been interviewed in a sketchy +fashion by the journalistic Mrs. Mangnall innumerable times; the +high-art magazines have added him to their lists of "Our Graphic +Humorists," "Black and White Artists," and "How Caricaturists Draw." +The world is familiar with his own grotesque sketches of himself, and, +whether he is attired in riding breeches, a straw hat perched on the +back of his head, as he drives a coster's cart, or is being flung out of +a cab, his long cigar and his hair cut in a bang straight across his +forehead, are unchangeable and unmistakeable. The public no doubt thinks +that this is only one of Phil May's jokes at his own expense, for the +bold Rabelaisian roundness of his humour suggests a man the very reverse +of the lean and hungry Cassius. But Phil May's humour does not consist +of making fat people thin, thin people fat, exaggerating features, +putting big heads upon little legs, and such methods of distortion as we +have so often seen resorted to. This we learn from a glance at his home, +which is his studio life. + +Mr. May's artistic treasures are none of them the old masters of a +millionaire, but purely personal household gods, each with a little +story of a friendship, a reminiscence of hard-up times, or some personal +taste. The volumes in the old oak book-case are not first editions, but +they show a fine appreciation for the best literature, and even the blue +china is not wired and hung-up. The drawing-board seems to act as an +address-book, and the grandfather's clock by the fireplace in its old +age has given up making a nuisance of itself by repeating "For ever, +never." The mantelpiece is peopled with little Japanese dolls, little +bronzes and brasses, and figures carved in yellow ivory. These, with a +few plaster casts of arms and legs which hang on the walls, a line of +Japanese prints put around the ceiling "to try an effect," a few +Japanese lanterns hanging from the roof, some Japanese lay-figures in +armour standing round the walls, and a few sketches, are about all the +decoration of this long sky-lit room. But most important of all is the +index to as remarkable a story as was ever told by a successful man, a +story which has never been told before. It is only an old mug. The +substance is earthenware, the decoration obviously pseudo-oriental, and +the design and glaze nothing marvellous. It clearly comes from the +English potteries, but it has no mark, and it is certainly not Chelsea, +Derby, Yarmouth, Bristol, Lowestoft, or any of the rarer and +higher-priced wares. The hand of Wedgwood, Voyez, or Elers is not seen +in its design, and, indeed, it is difficult precisely to locate its +origin. And yet, it should now take its place in Chaffers and Church who +know it not. Our dilemma is solved by Mr. May himself, who seems, in his +usual casual modest way, to have attached no importance to it, and who, +from subsequent inquiries, has only a very superficial knowledge which +would not satisfy a ceramic maniac, to say nothing of a family +historian. "That mug was made," says Mr. May, "by my grandfather. I +don't know much more about him than he knows about me; but if you are +interested in china, you may care for some details which may help you to +hunt it up. He was a potter in the Midlands--if you want to be +particular, at Snead, in Staffordshire--and, I believe, was fairly well +off; for the design, which is that of a hunt, was made to commemorate +his becoming the master of the local hounds. If you say that his name is +not given in any of the handbooks, I am sure you are right; but all I +know is, the firm, whatever it was called, came to grief owing to the +war--and I can't tell you what war; but it was not the China war." Here +the student of heredity will discern the rude germ of the artistic +temperament which has so developed in the third generation. It was in +the interests of the hereditary artistic strain that Mr. May was induced +to tell the story. He is not so impressed as are many people with the +necessity of having a grandfather, and knows no more about him than is +related above. Mr. May's father was apprenticed as an engineer to George +Stephenson, and worked in the drawing office of the great engineer at +Newcastle, where he met his wife. She was a Miss Macarthy, and her +father was Eugene Macarthy, who belonged to an old theatrical family +connected with the management of the New Theatre, Wolverhampton. An old +bill on satin struck to commemorate a "Bespeak" performance, "under the +distinguished patronage of Lord Wrottesley," gives Eugene Macarthy as +playing Lord Tinsel in _The Hunchback_, and Jenkins, in _Gretna Green_; +or, _The Biter Bit_, on Friday, May 9th, 1845. In this bill Mr. James +Bennett was the Master Walter; H. Lacy the Modus; Mrs. W. Rignold the +Julia, and Miss Fanny Wallack, Helen. + +Mr. May's father was unlucky in life. He started a brass-foundry, but, +as your host puts it, his partner cleared off with all the brass; and a +consulting-engineer business was not much more satisfactory. Mr. Phil +May was born in 1864, shortly after the collapse of the brass-foundry, +at Wortley, an outlying manufacturing district of Leeds. His father died +when he was nine years old, and his schooldays, as he tells you, +commenced early in the School Board era. At that time the new officials +were very alert, so he had one year's scholastic education. He was a +little delicate fellow, and was made a butt of by the other boys; and he +was the victim of many practical jokes. + +"My artistic career," Mr. May tells you, "may be said to have begun +when I was about twelve, at which time the Grand Theatre, Leeds, opened. +The local scene-painter was a man called Fox, a brother of Charles Fox, +and I became acquainted with his son, who helped to mix the distemper. +Young Fox and other boys called Ford, Sammy Stead, and I used to +rehearse pantomimes. Our stage was a back street, and our scenery was +designed with a stick in the gutter; but we omitted nothing. The +star-traps were all marked out, and we made our descents by flinging +ourselves on our faces in the muddy road. I was always a sprite, and +carried 'The Book of Fate,' which had a prominent place in all our +pantomimes." + +Mr. May used to sketch sections of other people's designs of costumes +for use in the ward-robe room, and eventually got to designing comic +dresses and suggestions for masks and make-ups in the property-room. +This brought him orders for actor's portraits, for which he received at +first a shilling, and later five shillings. Remuneration bred +independence, and he took to living with three or four other boys, their +lodgings costing five shillings a week. After a year or two of this +life, the late Fred Stimpson, who had a travelling burlesque company, +engaged May to play small parts and do six sketches every week to serve +as window-bills in the various small towns they visited. His +remuneration was twelve shillings a week, and on this he lived for two +or more years. After that, about 1873, he got an engagement to draw for +a small local comic journal, called _The Yorkshire Gossip_, which died +after four weeks. In 1882 Mr. May was engaged to design the dresses for +the Leeds pantomime, and flushed with success, or sickened with the +squalid hand-to-hand life he had led since he was a boy--he was then a +full-grown man of seventeen--he made up his mind to burn his boats and +come to London, and _there_ he became a tragedian. His finances +consisted of one sovereign. Fifteen shillings and five-pence halfpenny +bought him a third-class ticket, and vanity and temptation cost him four +shillings and sixpence at the Gaiety Bar. "But what," he adds, "did it +all matter? I was in London--the lap of luxury. I remembered my aunt, +Mrs. Hanner, who had married again, an actor called Fred Morton, and I +looked them up at St. John Street Road, Islington." Mr. May does not +think they were very glad to see him; but they took him in, gave him +food and a night's lodging, and next day his new uncle, after showing +him the sights of London, put him in the Leeds train. He got out, +however, at the next station and walked back. Chance led him towards +Clapham way. It was winter and he tried to get work, till he was too +tired to walk and too cold and hungry to speak. He begged the broken dry +biscuits at the public-houses; he quenched his thirst at the street +fountains. The best bit of luck he had was when he induced a child on +the Suspension Bridge to part with his bread and bacon in exchange for a +walking-stick. He led a terrible life of privation, and by night slept +in the Park, on the Embankment, or in a cart in the Market near the +stage-door of the Princess's Theatre. He was too proud to go to his +relations or to Mr. Wilson Barrett. The first bit of real luck he had +was in meeting with the keeper of a photograph shop near Charing Cross. +He took May's drawing of Irving, Toole and Bancroft, and published it. +It was a partnership arrangement, and the publisher lost about L5 in the +venture. But though he was nearly as hard up as Mr. May was, when he had +any money, he used often to take him to a shop near the old Pavilion and +give him a dinner of beef _a la mode_. "It was good!" Mr. May tells +you. A Mr. Rising who played at the Comedy Theatre, introduced Mr. May +to Lionel Brough, who purchased the original sketch of Irving, Bancroft +and Toole for L2 2s., and introduced him to a little paper called +_Society_, for which he did some drawings. But between these periods Mr. +May suffered long spells of penury, when he would have been glad to have +taken up his position with a handkerchief full of broken chalks and +drawn on the pavement. At last a drawing of Mr. Bancroft in _Society_ +brought him an introduction to Mr. Edward Russell, who introduced him to +the management of the _St. Stephen's Review_. It was not then an +illustrated paper, but a Christmas Number was being issued. The +illustrations were already arranged for, so there was nothing for him to +do. The disappointment, or long privation--for he was only eighteen at +the time--or both, brought on an illness, and he returned to Leeds. A +telegram from Mr. Russell brought him to London. The illustrations for +the Christmas Number would not do, and Mr. May was asked to do them all +himself--cartoon, illustrations, cover, and initials--in a week! He +hired a room in a small hotel near the Princess's, and worked day and +night, finished the whole thing, and was paid. He remained in his humble +lodgings till his money was gone, and he used, as he says, to "go out +for breakfast and dinner," which meant walking about for appearances' +sake. The proprietor of the hotel in question, who was also a waiter at +a club, found him out, and when he came home at three or four in the +morning used to dig him out to share his supper; and when, through sheer +shame, May confessed he could not pay him, he insisted on his remaining +in his house. Mr. Brough introduced Mr. May to Alias the costumier, who +engaged him as designer of the _Nell Gwynne_ dresses, and kept him on to +design pictures for a book, _The Juvenile Shakespeare_, on which they +were to collaborate; but it came to nothing. Then the _St. Stephen's_ +started illustrations, and he was employed by it till an agent came from +Australia to discover an artist for the _Sydney Bulletin_. Mr. May +seized the opportunity of going to the antipodes, and went. The fine +air, the warm climate, and the regular food made, as he tells you, a man +of him; but it was the starvation, he adds, which made him the artist he +is. + +The rest of Mr. Phil May's story has been told before, and is not +interesting, being one long series of successes, which culminated in his +winning the blue ribbon of black-and-white art, an appointment on +_Punch_, which leaves him free to draw for any other paper that +appreciates his art and can pay his prices. + +The story of his early life and struggles is not exceeded in interest, +perhaps, by that of anybody except that of Henri Murger or that of +Honore de Balzac. The _hard_ life he once led has left his features +somewhat _hard_, but it has not soured his disposition. There is nothing +of the cynic in him. He is still careless of everything but his art, +generous to a fault not only with his money, but with his lavish praises +of the work of those who aspire to be his rivals. High and low, +everybody speaks of him as "dear old Phil," and the applause, even of +princes, has not made him a snob. His talents and his temptations would +have made many a boy of more severe training a pickpocket, burglar, or a +gaol bird, as Francois Villon was. It made Phil May an artist, and his +story is one to be remembered as an encouragement instead of a warning. + +Of the one hundred and twenty drawings collected in this volume, there +is little to say, for they speak for themselves. For some of them, I am +indebted to Mr. Louis Meyer of 13a Pall Mall, who has enabled me to +complete the series of drawings done at a time when Phil May was, as I +have described him above, a poor, struggling artist. Youth and +enthusiasm, made these drawings bolder than most of his later work, and +the lack of pence, when every line meant pennies, made them more +elaborately finished than those which of late he has made us accustomed +to. But though everyone is satisfied with his present work, I can only +trust that the artistic majority will think with me that he has never +done better than these drawings which are here collected. That at least +is why I have published them. + +AUGUSTUS M. MOORE + + + + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE LEGITIMATE + +"'Ow's business, Jacko?" + +"Damned bad. What can you expect with this bloomin' opposition!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A QUESTION OF HOSE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FALLEN GREATNESS + +NATIVE: "Well, yer see, mum, I was once in a very 'igh persition, my +missus used to do all the washin' for the Royal Hotel."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "NOT GOLDEN, BUT GILDED"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NEW VERSION + +THE TEMPTATION OF ANTHONY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MRS. MARTHA RICKS--"AUNT MARTHA"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FATE! + +"Owth's Ikey?" + +"Vy, Ikeyth's dead." + +"You don't thay so. Vy I thor him goin' ter the thinagogue lathst week." + +"Vell, ith's all along of that thinagogue that Ikeyth's dead. They was +a-justh coming out, ven someone outside shouted out, 'Sale goin' ter +commenth,' and Ikey was killed in the crush!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NOBLE ART] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PRO BONO PUBLICO + +DISCONTENTED ARTIST: "I wish I had a fortune. I would never paint +again." + +GENEROUS "BROTHER-BRUSH": "By Jove, old man, I wish _I_ had one. I'd +give it to you!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUKE OF FIFE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ACCOMMODATING + +CUSTOMER: "I want a respirator, please." + +CHEMIST: "I'm afraid, sir, we haven't one your size in stock, but if you +will wait until I go and get a tape-measure, I will get you one made!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE GERMAN EMPEROR] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AT A PROVINCIAL BANQUET + +FLUNKEY: "Excuse me, mum, but the banquet has commenced, and I can't +admit you. Them's my orders." + +SHE: "But the Mayor is here, isn't he?" + +FLUNKEY: "Oh, yes, he's here right enough." + +SHE: "Well, but I'm his lady." + +FLUNKEY: "It makes no difference, mum; I couldn't admit you if you were +his wife."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE DUC D'ORLEANS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ALL THE DIFFERENCE + +BARMAID: "I beg pardon, I have taken twopence too much. I didn't know +you were an actor. I thought you were only a gentleman!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THREE MEN IN A BOOT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A FRIEND IN NEED + +INVALID: "I sometimes feel inclined to blow my brains out." + +FRIEND: "I shouldn't advise you to try it, old chap, you know you're a +bad shot, and there's nothing much to aim at!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: COUSIN JANE: "I want ma to have her portrait painted. Who +would you recommend?" + +COUSIN GEORGE: "Stacy Marks."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MRS. BESANT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AN UPRIGHT COURSE + +PARSON: "Tell me, my good man, do you know the way to heaven?" + +OLD CANTANKEROUS (_who doesn't like parsons_): "Well, I sh'd think if +you was to follow your nose, it 'ud be a short cut!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. HENRY GEORGE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A BENEVOLENT CONNOISSEUR + +"You are!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR CHARLES EWAN SMITH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE SANDS + +MACHINE MAN (_to bather who has been complaining that he was not taken +out far enough_): "Why, lor bless yer, Sir, I once know'd a man who +could dive in two foot of water." + +BATHER: "And where's he buried?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. GEORGE GROSSMITH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: WOMANLY + +FIRST PHILANTHROPIST: "Cannot we start a society for the employment of +the poor Russian Jews?" + +SECOND DITTO: "Well, you see, what could they do? You know that they +can't speak English." + +FIRST DITTO: "Oh, get them something to do on the railway, to call out +the names of the stations, for instance."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. ARTHUR ROBERTS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OUR CLIMATE + +"Look here, that barometer you sold me a month ago has got out of order, +it won't work." + +"Well, you see, sir, look what a lot of wear and tear 'e's 'ad +lately."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR GEORGE NEWNES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: CHEEK + +URCHIN: "Hi, governor, remember the warning afore yer starts!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR GEORGE DIBBS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INFORMATION WANTED + +FAT PARTY: "Say, boy, do my boots want cleaning?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. HORACE SEDGER] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FRENCH, AS SHE IS SPOKE + +FRENCH PROFESSOR: "How would you pronounce t-o-u-t-a-f-a-i-t?" + +PUPIL: "Totty Fay."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBERRY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: HARD LINES + +DAY POLICEMAN: (_relieving night-man_): "How's the missus?" + +NIGHT POLICEMAN: "I don't know. 'Aven't seen her for ten years." + +DAY POLICEMAN: "But ye're living together, aren't yer?" + +NIGHT POLICEMAN: "Yes, but she's a charwoman, an' is out all day, an' +I'm out all night. So we've never met since we came back from our +honeymoon."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. W. T. STEAD] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MUTUAL CONSIDERATION + +ART CRITIC: "What do you think of Alma Cadmium's painting?" + +ARTIST: "Oh, I think it is superb." + +ART CRITIC: "I'm surprised to hear you say that. _He_ says just the +reverse of yours." + +ARTIST: "Ah, well, perhaps we're both mistaken!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. WILLIAM MORRIS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BRITONS IN PARIS + +FIRST ENGLISHMAN: "Where shall we go?" + +SECOND ENGLISHMAN (_who does not know that 'relache' means that the +piece is taken off_): "Let's go to the Eden and see 'Relache'!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR HENRY PARKES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: READY FOR THE BALL + +"Phwell and phwat do ye think of me, darlint?" + +"Shure ye look jist illigent, but I phwish it wur a mask ball!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD DUFFERIN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BEFORE HIS FRIENDS + +BROWN (_who likes to be thought a swell, and who has been entrusted with +a friend's brougham for the night_): "Home, John." + +JOHN: "Where's that, sir?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR AUGUSTUS HARRIS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SAINTLY POLITENESS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR EDWARD LAWSON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OH, LISTEN TO A TALE OF "WO"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. RUDYARD KIPLING] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NEW JEW + +"And so you're going to marry a Christian and disgrace your poor old +father." + +"Yeth, but I'm goin' to change my name to Smith." + +"But what are you goin' to do with _that_ nose?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Oh, I say! Ain't 'e in a bloomin' 'urry; 'e wants to git +there before the 'orse."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Yes, I was three months in the desert, with nothing to +drink but camel's milk." + +"Didn't it give you the _hump_!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RIGHT HON. W. V. HARCOURT, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES + +PIOUS FRIEND: "Dear me, I'm sorry to see you coming out of a +public-house, Mr. Brown." + +"Couldn't help it, ole fel' (_hic_), I was chucked out!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MONSIEUR ERNEST RENAN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PAIR OF SOILED KIDS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: LIP. + +NEW ARRIVAL (_in Australia_): "What's good for mosquitoes?" + +RESIDENT: "You are!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE LATE LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE CAPE MAIL + +CLERK: "The letter is too heavy. It will require an extra stamp." + +SHE: "Won't that make it heavier?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD RUSSELL OF KILLOWEN] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "What the deuce are you smoking, old chap?" + +"Well, you see, the doctor has limited me to one cigar a day!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. H. M. STANLEY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INFORMATION + +OBLIGING DRIVER (_to country visitor, who is trying to see London from +the top of a 'bus in an intense fog_): "That there's the Halbert +Memorial, but you can't see it!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD ALINGTON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INQUISITIVE + +"Oh, ma! Are those what they call sea legs?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A HOWLING SWELL] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RT. HON. A. J. BALFOUR, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AN IDLE FELLOW + +VISITOR: "I hear you've had the celebrated Mr. Abbey, the artist, +staying with you down here." + +PROPRIETOR OF OLD-FASHIONED INN: "Yes, sir, an' he be the _laziest_ man +I ever came across. He do nothing but dror and paint all day!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE L1,000 PER NIGHT-INGALE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: GRANDPAPA (_to Tommy, who has just come home from +school_): "And did you get a good place in your class at the last +examination?" + +TOMMY: "Yes; next to the stove."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: POODLES] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PLEASANT PROSPECT + +"Grandma, shall I have a face like you when I get old?" + +"Yes, my dear, if you're good."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +THE RT. HON. W. E. GLADSTONE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE SANDS + +"Lor', 'Arry, ain't it 'ot?" + +"Well, sit down, an' I'll blow yer."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: REALISM + +COMEDIAN: "The critic of the _Back Alley Chronicle_ described me as +giving a very 'saponaceous' rendering to my part. What does +'saponaceous' mean, dear boy?" + +TRAGEDIAN (_with learned dignity_): "Cudgel not thy brains with words +higher than thy bloomin' salary."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MONSIEUR EMILE ZOLA] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: AT THE RIDING SCHOOL + +NERVOUS PUPIL: "When do you think I shall go on the road?" + +RIDING MASTER: "Very soon, if you don't sit better than that."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD TENNYSON] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NO CHANCE + +"Always take care of your money, my son." + +"I can't, you never give me any."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: "But I really thought you were much taller than you +are, Mr. Smith." + +HE: "Oh, no! Not a bit, I assure you!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A PROMINENT FEATURE + +"Hillo, Bill! What's the matter with your nose?" + +"I don't know. Think my conscience must have pricked it."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +SIR BLUNDELL MAPLE, M.P.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FORCE OF HABIT + +PRISON PHOTOGRAPHER (_who has just obtained the post, to sitter, who is +about to undergo twenty years' penal servitude_): "Now sir, look +pleasant!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. ALBERT CHEVALIER] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE UNKINDEST CUT + +HE: "I grew a beard and moustache for ten years, and I forgot what I was +like without, so I just shaved to see." + +SHE: "And weren't you shocked?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Hillo, Bill--blind again?" + +"I beg pardon, I'm not blind at all; asha-matterer-fac, I can see +twiche-ash-much as you."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "Say, would you be so stupid as to lend me 5s.?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: IN HER WAR-PAINT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: FAST AND LOOSE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: OBVIOUS] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MONSIEUR SARDOU] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PLEASANT MEMORIES + +"Ah, it's many a day since I 'ad it!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: "It must be a dreadful thing to become old and ugly. +I should much prefer to die young." + +HE: "You'll have to hurry up then!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: "I have a Song to Sing O."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. BEERBOHM TREE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: A NASTY ONE + +WRYMUG: "I assure you the blamed fog was so thick I couldn't find the +way to my own mouth." + +QUIZZER: "What! When it's just round the corner!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +GENERAL BOOTH] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: NEW USE FOR A CLOTHES-PEG + +HOW TO OBTAIN A GOOD FRENCH ACCENT] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: MISTRESS (_to new cook_): "Now are you sure you have had +experience?" + +COOK: "Oh, yes, mum! I've been in 'undreds of places."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: PICKSOME + +LITTLE SPRIGGINS: "Yes, we always dine at a private table. You see, my +wife is so fond of picking bones." + +OLD JOKER: "I suppose that's why she picked you."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +LORD MAYOR SAVORY] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE WRONG SHOP + +(_Carol singing in Hatton Garden_) "Christians Awake!"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: BAKERS' STRIKE + + They've recently discovered that they'll never want a feed + As long as they think fit to _loaf_ the less our bread we _knead_.] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SHE: Oh, John, we're next the engine." + +HE: "Never mind, we'll get there all the quicker."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE BOY: "Grandpa, is a Jewess a She-brew?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SAVAGE SOUTH AFRICA + +"A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE NORTH POLE] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: SUGGESTIVE + +SMALL BOY: "Hi! Can you spare a _copper_?"] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: LEG-ISLATION] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: INTELLIGENCE DEPARTMENT + +YOKEL: "Say, sir, does I put this 'er stamp on meself?" + +POST-ASSISTANT: "On yourself. No, on the letter, you booby."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE CONSUMING PASSION + +"Have you heard that Jones has given up 'booze'?" + +"No, I wouldn't believe it." + +"But he has, and he's dead."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: THE DOWN TRAIN + +CROSSING SWEEPER: "'Ere, if you're goin' to sweep the bloomin' +crossin' yerself, I'm hoff."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: RETIRED BURGLAR: "Oh, my son! Always remember that it is +wrong to steal on Sunday."] + +--------------------------------------- + +[Illustration: ON THE BRAIN + +MR. PUNCH] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Phil May Album, by Phil May + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHIL MAY ALBUM *** + +***** This file should be named 37767.txt or 37767.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/7/6/37767/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Linda Hamilton, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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