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diff --git a/37764-8.txt b/37764-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e008b7 --- /dev/null +++ b/37764-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4388 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Deformities of Samuel Johnson, Selected +from his Works, by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Deformities of Samuel Johnson, Selected from his Works + +Author: Anonymous + +Editor: Gwin J. Kolb + J. E. Congleton + +Release Date: October 16, 2011 [EBook #37764] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEFORMITIES OF SAMUEL *** + + + + +Produced by Jon Ingram, Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES: + + A number of alterations have been made with the aim of correcting + printing errors, while changing the text as little as possible. + No attempt has been made to alter spellings, or to modernise + punctuation or grammar. The complete list of all such changes + appear at the end of this text. + + + + + THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + + + DEFORMITIES + OF + DR SAMUEL JOHNSON. + + SELECTED FROM HIS WORKS. + + (1782) + + + _Introduction by_ + GWIN J. KOLB AND J. E. CONGLETON + + + PUBLICATION NUMBERS 147-148 + + WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY + UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES + 1971 + + + + + GENERAL EDITORS + + William E. Conway, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_ + George Robert Guffey, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + Maximillian E. Novak, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + + + ASSOCIATE EDITOR + + David S. Rodes, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + + + ADVISORY EDITORS + + Richard C. Boys, _University of Michigan_ + James L. Clifford, _Columbia University_ + Ralph Cohen, _University of Virginia_ + Vinton A. Dearing, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + Arthur Friedman, _University of Chicago_ + Louis A. Landa, _Princeton University_ + Earl Miner, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + Samuel H. Monk, _University of Minnesota_ + Everett T. Moore, _University of California, Los Angeles_ + Lawrence Clark Powell, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_ + James Sutherland, _University College, London_ + H. T. Swedenberg, Jr., _University of California, Los Angeles_ + Robert Vosper, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_ + Curt A. Zimansky, _State University of Iowa_ + + + CORRESPONDING SECRETARY + + Edna C. Davis, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_ + + + EDITORIAL ASSISTANT + + Lilly Kurahashi, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_ + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +During the early part of his literary career, James Thomson Callender +(1758-1803)[1] belittled Samuel Johnson; during the later, he denigrated +Thomas Jefferson. Thus his reputation as a Scots master of scurrility +and a vicious scandalmonger was earned on both sides of the Atlantic. + +Probably because his anonymous pamphlets about Johnson's writings--the +_Deformities of Dr. Samuel Johnson, Selected from his Works_ (1782) and +_A Critical Review of the Works of Dr. Samuel Johnson_ (1783)--were not +both ascribed to him until 1940, Callender first came into public notice +in 1792, when in Scotland he published _The Political Progress of +Britain, or An Impartial Account of the Principal Abuses in the +Government of this Country from the Revolution in 1688_. For these +intemperate remarks, though anonymous, he was indicted in 1793 for +sedition. He fled from Edinburgh and made his way, "with some +difficulty," soon thereafter to Philadelphia. + +During the first several years in Philadelphia, he was reporter of the +Congressional debates for the Philadelphia _Gazette_ and did some +editorial hackwork. He also published the third edition of the +_Political Progress_, which was favorably noticed by Jefferson. In 1797 +he published _The History of the United States for 1796: Including a +Variety of Particulars Relative to the Federal Government Previous to +that Period_, which brought the charge against Alexander Hamilton of "a +connection with one James Reynolds for purpose of improper pecuniary +speculation." Hamilton, after making preliminary preparations for a +duel, came to the conclusion that he would have to sacrifice his private +reputation to clear his public actions. So he calmly wrote, "My real +crime is an amorous connection with his [Reynolds'] wife for a +considerable time, with his privity and connivance, if not originally +brought on by a combination between the husband and wife with the design +to extort money from me."[2] + +In _The Prospect before Us_ (1800), written under the secret patronage +of Jefferson, Callender assailed John Adams and lashed through Adams at +his predecessor, Washington. Ending his diatribe, he said, "Take your +choice, between Adams, war and beggery and Jefferson, peace and +competency." Because of his remarks about Adams, he was tried under the +Sedition Law, fined $200, and sent to prison for nine months. While in +prison he wrote two fiery anti-Federalist pamphlets, for which Jefferson +advanced money under ambiguous terms. When Jefferson became President in +1801, he pardoned Callender (and all others convicted under the unwise +Sedition Law), and Callender's fine was remitted. But Callender was not +satisfied; he wanted Jefferson to appoint him postmaster of Richmond, +Virginia. Jefferson refused, in spite of the tone of blackmail which now +pervaded Callender's importunities. Soon he turned his political coat +and began editing the most scurrilous anti-Jefferson paper in the +country, the Richmond _Recorder_, to the infinite delight of the +Federalists, who immediately circulated the periodical far and wide. +Callender accused Jefferson of dishonesty and cowardice, but pure malice +inspired his most injurious charges. + + It is well known that the man, _whom it delighted the people to + honor_, keeps ... as his concubine, one of his own slaves. Her + name is Sally. The name of her eldest son is Tom. His features + are said to bear a striking resemblance to those of the president + himself.... By this wench Sally, our President has had several + children. There is not an individual in the neighborhood of + Charlottesville who does not believe the story; and not a few + who _know it_.... Behold the favorite! the first born of + republicanism! the pinnacle of all that is good and great! If the + friends of Mr. Jefferson are convinced of his innocence, they will + make an appeal.... If they rest in silence, or if they content + themselves with resting upon a _general denial_, they cannot hope + for credit. The allegation is of a nature too _black_ to be + suffered to remain in suspense. We should be glad to hear of its + refutation. We give it to the world under the firmest belief that + such a refutation _never can be made_. The AFRICAN VENUS is said + to officiate as housekeeper at Montecello. When Mr. Jefferson has + read this article, he will find leisure to estimate how much has + been lost or gained by so many unprovoked attacks upon J. T. + Callender![3] + +Callender's ignominious end came on 17 July 1803. The _Gentleman's +Magazine_ declared (LXXIII [September 1803], 882) that he, "after +experiencing many varieties of fortune as Iscariot Hackney ... drowned +himself ... in James River": the coroner's jury, however, declared that +his death was accidental, following intoxication. + +There can be scant doubt that the _Deformities_ and _A Critical +Review_[4] have a common origin. The paper, type, and makeup of the +title-pages indicate that they were issued from the same press. In the +"Introduction" to _A Critical Review_, the statement is made that "The +author of the present trifle was last year induced to publish a few +remarks on the writings of Dr. Samuel Johnson.... Like the former essay, +these pages will endeavour to ascertain the genuine importance of Dr. +Johnson's literary character" (pp. iii, v). In the text on page 50, the +_Deformities_ is cited in proprietary tones; and it is also mentioned in +notes on pages 19, 37, 55, and 63. Moreover, the tell-tale words +"deformities" and "deformity" appear (pp. 31, 43) in the text, and there +is an advertisement for the _Deformities_ on page 72. + +An attempt to identify the author of the _Deformities_ was made by +George Steevens when it appeared. In a letter to William Cole dated 14 +May 1782, he says that it was "written by a Club of Caledonian Wits."[5] +The _Critical Review_ for August 1782 (LIV, 140) surmised that "the +pamphlet ... is apparently written by some angry Caledonian, who, warmed +with the deepest resentment for some real or supposed injury, gives vent +to his indignation, and treats every part of Dr. Johnson's character +with the utmost asperity." A month later, the _Gentleman's Magazine_ +(LII [September 1782], 439), "reciting the circumstance" of the origin +of the _Deformities_, contended that it was a revenge pamphlet inspired +by an anti-Ossian publication by William Shaw ("Nadir" Shaw, in the +_Deformities_), who "'denied the existence of Gaelic poetry....'" "Dr. +Johnson was his patron; and THEREFORE this Essayist, 'by fair and +copious quotations from Dr. Johnson's ponderous performances, has +attempted to illustrate'" his extraordinary defects. And in February +1783 (LXVIII, 185-186), the _Monthly Review_ briefly noted: + + This seems to be the production of some ingenious but angry + Scotchman, who has taken great pains to prove, what all the world + knows, that there are many exceptionable passages in the writings + of Dr. Johnson. There are, however, few spots in this literary + luminary now pointed out that have not been discovered before. + So that the present map must be considered rather as a monument of + the delineator's malignity, than of his wit.--His _personalities_ + seem to indicate personal provocation; though perhaps it may be + all pure _nationality_. + +Though Boswell mentions the pamphlet and quotes a letter in which +Johnson comments on it,[6] neither he nor any of his editors before L. +F. Powell try to identify the incensed author. In 1815 Robert Anderson +said that the _Deformities_, "an invidious contrast to 'The Beauties of +Johnson,'" is "the production of Mr. Thomson Callender, nephew of +Thomson the poet."[7] + +When the _Deformities_ was catalogued in the Bodleian Library in +1834,[8] it was attributed to John Callander of Craigforth. In _A +Critical Review of the Works of Dr. Samuel Johnson_, the statement is +made (p. 4) that "Mr. Callander of Craigforth ... observes" that "'Had +the laborious Johnson been better acquainted with the oriental tongues, +or had he even understood the first rudiments of the northern languages +from which the English and Scots derive their origin, his bulky volumes +had not presented to us the melancholy truth, that unwearied industry, +_devoid of settled principles_, avails only to add one error to +another.'" This latter blast, taken from the "Introduction" to +Callander's _Two Ancient Scottish Poems, The Gaberlunzie Man and +Christ's Kirk on the Green_ (Edinburgh, 1782), may well have been the +evidence that caused _A Critical Review_ to be attributed to John +Callander of Craigforth; then, because of the interconnections between +it and the _Deformities_ and because of their convincing similarity, the +_Deformities_ was also assigned to him. On the other hand, one is +puzzled by the Bodleian's failure to accept the passage from John +Callander in _A Critical Review_ as conclusive evidence that he was not +the author of that work.[9] + +When the _Deformities_ and _A Critical Review_ were catalogued in the +British Museum, in 1854 and 1862, they were likewise attributed to John +Callander of Craigforth. In 1915 Courtney and Smith seemed to doubt that +John Callander wrote them; for, they noticed, "strangely enough no +mention of them is made by Robert Chambers in his memoir of +Callander."[10] The _Catalogue of Printed Books in the Edinburgh +Library_ (1918) assigns _A Critical Review_ to John Callander; it does +not list the _Deformities_. Arthur G. Kennedy, in _A Bibliography of +Writings on the English Language_ (1927), attributes the _Deformities_ +to John Callander; he lists the 1787 issue of _A Critical Review_ as +anonymous. In their _Dictionary of Anonymous and Pseudonymous English +Literature_ (1926-1932), Halkett and Laing assign _A Critical Review_ to +John Callander on the authority of the British Museum; the _Deformities_ +is also assigned to him on the authority of a note by Chalmers in 1782. + +Finally, L. F. Powell, _primus editorum_, in his revision of G. B. +Hill's edition of Boswell's _Life_ (1934-1950), quoted from a letter by +James Thomson Callender to John Stockdale, dated 4 October 1783, which +says: "I will be greatly obliged to you, for delivering the remaining +Copies of Deformities of Johnson to the bearer, and sending me his +Receipt for them." Dr. Powell thinks--rightly, we believe, when all the +other evidence is taken into account--that this letter "shows" that +Callender "was the author of the book."[11] + +Then in 1940, D. Nichol Smith, no doubt having followed the suspicion he +and W. P. Courtney expressed in 1915, and having available the proof +unearthed by Dr. Powell, attributed both items to J. T. Callender in the +_CBEL_ (II, 627), listing two editions of the _Deformities_ in 1782 and +two of _A Critical Review_ in 1783. The British Museum _Catalogue_ also +now credits the same Scotsman with both works. + +The information in Callender's letter to Stockdale, Anderson's +identification, a fairly plausible reason that the _Deformities_ was so +long attributed to John Callander, the similarity of the styles and +contents of the two pamphlets, the parallel circumstances of +publication, the virtual acknowledgement of the _Deformities_ in _A +Critical Review_--all point to a safe conclusion that the two works were +the creations of James Thomson Callender. + +Though students of Johnson have frequently noticed the bitter ridicule +in the _Deformities_ and _A Critical Review_, they (since the author of +the pamphlets was unknown) have seldom,[12] if ever, detailed +Callender's turbulent career in America. Similarly, students of American +history have studied Callender's attacks on early American statesmen; +but they have been completely unaware, it seems, that the pamphleteer +who wrote them began his career by making fun of Samuel Johnson. Now +that the authorship of these two early productions has been established, +a study of them provides details that illuminate the foreground of +Callender's career in America. Likewise, of course, the particulars of +his activities in America illuminate the background of his career in +Great Britain. + +Near the conclusion of the _Deformities_, Callender relates the +"circumstances which," as he says, "gave ... birth" to the work. + + In 1778, Mr William Shaw published an Analysis of the Gaelic + language. He quoted specimens of Gaelic poetry, and harangued on + its beauties.... A few months ago, he printed a pamphlet. He + traduced decent characters. He denied the existence of Gaelic + poetry, and his name was echoed in the newspapers as a miracle of + candour. Is there in the annals of Grubæan impudence any parallel + to this?... This incomparable bookbuilder, who writes a + dictionary before he can write grammar, had previously boasted + what a harvest he would reap from English credulity. He was not + deceived. The bait was caught.... Mr Shaw wants only money.... + But better things might have been expected from the moral and + majestic author of the Rambler. He must have seen the Analysis of + the Gaelic language, for Shaw mentions him as the patron of that + work. He must have seen the specimens of Celtic poetry there + inserted. That he is likewise the patron of this poor scribble, + no man, I suppose, will offer to deny. From this single + circumstance, Dr Johnson stands convicted of _an illiberal + intention to deceive_. Candour can hardly hesitate to sum up his + character in the vulgar but expressive pollysyllable [pp. 86-87]. + +Readily available facts support some of the central assertions in this +rather heated description of the inception of the _Deformities_. +Specifically, as readers of Boswell's _Life_ may recall, Johnson must be +considered a--if not the--principal patron of the Scotsman William +Shaw's _Analysis of the Gaelic Language_: he wrote the official +proposals for the work, he solicited subscribers to it, and he received +from the grateful author a public acknowledgement (in the +"Introduction") that "To the advice and encouragement of Dr. Johnson, +the friend of letters and humanity, the public is indebted for these +sheets."[13] It is probable, too, that he examined the book at least +cursorily[14] and that in doing so he caught sight of one or more of the +references to Ossian's poetry, perhaps including the "specimen" on pages +145-149. Moreover, in the pamphlet Callender mentions, entitled _An +Enquiry into the Authenticity of the Poems Ascribed to Ossian_ (1781), +Shaw, setting out to demolish the arguments favoring the ostensible +origins of the purported translations, accords (p. 2) Johnson pride of +place in starting "objections" to the poems and quotes (pp. 6-12) +approvingly first a lengthy passage from _A Journey to the Western +Islands of Scotland_ (1775) and then Johnson's famous letter to James +Macpherson. In addition, Boswell records Johnson's later assistance to +Shaw in composing a reply to John Clark's pro-Ossian _Answer to Mr. +Shaw's Inquiry_ (1781).[15] But to admit all this is scarcely to +"convict" Johnson of a deliberate "_intention to deceive_." On the +contrary, since by 1778 his scepticism regarding the Ossianic writings +was widely known, his _Journey_ having appeared three years earlier, it +could be argued that his patronage of Shaw's _Analysis_ revealed a +degree of understanding and tolerance not always associated with his +name. + +For the irate Callender, however, such "shameful" conduct demanded +countermeasures--even by "a private individual, without interest or +connections." The self-appointed champion both of "virtue" and also of +"a world ... weary of" the culprit's "arrogant pedantry" and "officious +malice," he hoped "to humble and reform" Johnson by "glean[ing] the +tithe of" his "absurdities," which, Callender declares, illustrate, +among other defects, Johnson's "prolixity," "corruptions of our +language," "want of general learning," "antipathy to rival merit," +"paralytick reasoning," "adherence to contradictions," "defiance of +decency," and "contempt of truth" (pp. 87-88). + +After garnering the supposed proofs of these multitudinous +"deformities," Callender published his book at Edinburgh (where it was +sold by "W. Creech") in the early part of 1782.[16] The pamphlet, priced +at a shilling and consisting of a two-page introduction and sixty-three +pages of text, was also sold at London by "T. Longman, and J. +Stockdale."[17] Towards the end of the same year (probably in +December),[18] encouraged by the initial "reception," he brought out a +second, enlarged edition of the work, which he had "perused ... with +honest attention, from the first line to the last, that he might +endeavour to supply its deficiencies, and to correct its errors" (p. +vi). Selling for "eighteen pence"[19] and appearing at both Edinburgh +and London, this edition includes a separate preface and comes to a +total of eighty-nine pages. We have chosen it as the text for the +present reproduction of the _Deformities_. + +Callender's very limited powers of ridicule and exposure reside largely +in his amassment of material, not in his ability to arrange and +synthesize that material. Indeed, one looks in vain at the work for +anything more than the most obvious and elementary form of organization. +The Preface begins with brief general remarks on "man's" incapacity to +"reform" his "follies" and the "prejudice" and "good nature" of the +"public" respecting this human frailty, offers "Dr. Samuel Johnson" as a +capital example of the general observation, proceeds to "enquire" how +"such a man crawled to the summit of classical reputation," and +concludes, rather abruptly, with a short postcript on the second edition +of the _Deformities_ itself. The Introduction stresses the enormous +differences that, according to Callender, often exist between a man's +words and deeds--particularly, so the reader is told repeatedly if a bit +obliquely, between Johnson's writings (especially the _Dictionary_) and +actions. + +The body of the pamphlet may be divided into five unequal parts. In the +first (pp. 11-15), Callender launches a freewheeling attack on Johnson, +accusing him of "ill-nature," a revengeful spirit, peevishness, and +insolence (among other lamentable traits), and announces his chosen mode +of chastisement: "From the Doctor's volumes I am to select some +passages, illustrate them with a few observations, and submit them to +the reader's opinion." In the second (pp. 15-47), he presents a +disconnected string of quotations drawn from a number of Johnson's +works and embellished with caustic strictures on their creator's +presumed moral, intellectual, and literary shortcomings. In the third +and longest section (pp. 47-82), separated from the second by a small +printer's device, Callender, after "quoting [pp. 47-51] the remarks +already made by a judicious friend,[20] on this subject," begins a +series of disjointed, angry comments on the supposed weaknesses of "the +Doctor's English Dictionary." Thirty-one pages later, having vented his +ire on the choice and definitions of hundreds of words in the +_Dictionary_, he "take[s] leave" of the "enormous compilation," +stigmatized as "perhaps ... the strangest farrago which pedantry ever +produced," and "return[s]" briefly, in part four (pp. 82-86; set off +from part three by another small device), "to the rest of" Johnson's +publications, extracts from which he again employs as a means of +exhibiting his subject's supposed faults. Finally, he brings the +rambling essay to a close (pp. 86-89) by recounting its origins, +repeating his principal charges against Johnson, and reasserting his +hopes for the Doctor's "reformation." + +Although it contains some lively reading (with the author himself being +the center of our interest about as often as his subject) and should +certainly be readily accessible to students of eighteenth-century +literature, the _Deformities_ merits only restricted attention as a +valid critique of Johnson's character and writings. Ostensibly +employing, by and large, an inductive argument, it professes to +demonstrate the pronounced ethical and mental flaws of the Great Cham, +who enjoys, so Callender freely confesses, an unrivalled reputation +among his contemporaries for his achievements in letters and +lexicography. Besides the deplorable qualities mentioned above and +excluding for the moment a consideration of those most evident in the +_Dictionary_, Johnson's faults are alleged to include dishonesty, pride, +vulgarity, slovenliness, dullness, contempt for other persons, prejudice +(especially against the Scots), ingratitude, "gross expressions," turgid +language, and, above all, ignorance, "nonsense," and countless +inconsistencies. To this sweeping broadside of invective, the modern +reader must respond with steady, sometimes amused, sometimes annoyed +disbelief. He recognizes, to be sure, certain points of likeness between +Callender's abusive imputations and (say) Boswell's highly laudatory +portrait. But the former's accusations are so irresponsible and +intemperate, so obviously the outburst of a quivering Scotsman's intense +indignation, and the evidence adduced is so often wrenched from its +context and misapplied, that the reader inevitably finds himself a +partisan of Johnson even when he might be occasionally inclined to admit +the tenability of Callender's criticism. + +Among Johnson's works, the _Dictionary_, as already indicated, bears the +brunt of Callender's heaviest, most sustained assault. Its principal +"deformities," to judge from the amount of space devoted to them, occur +in its definitions and word-list. In Callender's opinion, "most of the +definitions ... may be divided into three classes; the erroneous, +oenigmatical, and superfluous" (p. 58); many of them explicate +"indecent," "blackguard" expressions (pp. 54, 74); and some, +exemplifying the lexicographer's "political tenets," are downright +"seditious and impudent" (p. 13). Of the word-list itself, probably "two +thousand" members, comprising a "profusion of trash," are "not to be +found at all in any other book" (p. 70). + +A short introduction is scarcely the place to examine the presumed +existence of these defects in the _Dictionary_. Nevertheless, a few +facts, based on a random sampling of passages in the _Deformities_, may +provide a partial historical perspective for Callender's censures. Of +the group of 210 words on pages 71-72 whose real currency he doubts or +denies, 190 also appear in the second edition (1736) of Nathan Bailey's +_Dictionarium Britannicum_, a copy of which Johnson interleaved and used +as he compiled his own _Dictionary_. Equally revealing, the _OED_ +includes 204 of the 210, the second edition of _Webster's International_ +158, and the third edition 108. Again, of the 65 words on pages 51-53 +whose definitions Callender objects to, 48 also appear, with comparable +explanations, in Bailey's dictionary. Finally, an unsystematic +comparison of Bailey's and Johnson's works reveals a much higher +incidence of so-called "indecent"--at least sexual--terms in the former +than in the latter. The author of the _Deformities_, it is quite +obvious, knew what he disliked about the _Dictionary_; when pressing his +strictures against the book, however, as when mounting his other attacks +on Johnson, his violent passions rode roughshod over his faint +pretensions to fairness and objectivity. + + University of Chicago + Findlay College + + +NOTES TO THE INTRODUCTION + +1. The _DNB_ and the _DAB_ both contain accounts of Callender +(complete, of course, with lists of their primary sources) to which we +are indebted for various details in our own sketch of his life. However, +neither mentions his pamphlets on Johnson. + +2. Quoted from Hamilton by David Loth in _Alexander Hamilton: Portrait +of a Prodigy_ (New York, 1939), p. 249. + +3. From the Richmond _Recorder_ as printed in the New York _Evening +Post_, 10 September 1802; quoted from _Jefferson Reader_, ed. Francis +Coleman Rosenberger (New York, 1953), pp. 109-111. + +4. There were apparently three editions of _A Critical Review_: (1) +Edinburgh: Printed for J. Dickson, and W. Creech, 1783. (2) Second +Edition. London. Printed for the Author, and sold by T. Cadell and J. +Stockdale; at Edinburgh, by J. Dickson and W. Creech, 1783. (3) London. +Printed for R. Rusted, 1787. We are indebted to the Pierpont Morgan +Library for a photographic reproduction of its copy of the first edition +of the pamphlet. + +5. Brit. Mus. Addit. MS 6401, f. 175 b. Part of this letter is quoted +by L. F. Powell in Boswell's _Life of Johnson_, IV, 499 (cited hereafter +as _Life_). + +6. Writing to Boswell on 28 March 1782, Johnson remarks: "The Beauties +of Johnson are said to have got money to the collector; if the +'Deformities' have the same success, I shall be still a more extensive +benefactor" (_The Letters of Samuel Johnson_, ed. R. W. Chapman [Oxford, +1952], II, 475). + +7. _Life of Samuel Johnson, LL.D. With Critical Observations on His +Works_ (3rd ed.; Edinburgh, 1815), p. 231. Anderson is apparently +incorrect in saying that Callender was Thomson's nephew. + +8. There is apparently no copy of _A Critical Review_ in the Bodleian. + +9. In his Introduction to a recent reprint (New York, 1965) of John +Rae's _Life of Adam Smith_ (1895), Jacob Viner (who expresses his +indebtedness to "Herman W. Liebert for bringing _A Critical Review_ to +my attention and for warning me that J. T. Callender, its author, was +probably also the author of _Deformities of Dr. Samuel Johnson_") +concludes that the quotation from John Callander in _A Critical Review_ +is sufficient "to acquit John Callander of any responsibility for +authorship of either _Deformities of Samuel Johnson_ or _A Critical +Review_" (p. 68; see also pp. 62-69). + +10. William P. Courtney and D. Nichol Smith, _A Bibliography of Samuel +Johnson_ (Oxford, 1915; reissued with facsimiles, 1925), p. 136. + +11. _Life_, IV, 499. Callender's letter itself, reproduced in the _R. +B. Adam Library_ (III, 48), is now in the Hyde Collection. Dr. Powell, +like Robert Anderson, says that James Thomson Callender was a nephew of +the poet James Thomson, and gives the _DNB_ as the source of his +information. + +12. In 1962, one of the present writers, J. E. Congleton, published an +article on "James Thomson Callender, Johnson and Jefferson" (_Johnsonian +Studies_ [Cairo, 1962], pp. 161-172) which forms the basis of a part of +the present introduction. + +13. _Life_, III, 106, 107, 214, 488. + +14. _Ibid._, III, 106. + +15. _Ibid._, IV, 252-253, 526. + +16. The work appeared well before 28 March 1782 when Johnson referred +to it in the letter of Boswell cited above in note 6. In the _Life_ (IV, +148), Boswell remarks that he had previously "informed" Johnson "that as +'The Beauties of Johnson' had been published in London, some obscure +scribbler had published at Edinburgh, what he called 'The Deformities of +Johnson.'" + +17. On p. 63, Callender calls the work "a shilling pamphlet." We are +grateful to the Pierpont Morgan Library for a photographic reproduction +of its copy of the first edition of the _Deformities_. + +18. Since its Preface is dated 21 November 1782, the second edition was +presumably published after that time but before the beginning of 1783. + +19. At the end of the second edition, Callender declares: "To collect +every particle of _inanity_ which may be found in our _patriot's_ works +is infinitely beyond the limits of an eighteen-pence pamphlet" (p. 88). + +20. In a footnote on p. 51, Callender tells us that the "remarks" of +the "judicious friend" appear in No. 12 of the _Weekly Mirror_, a +periodical which, according to the _CBEL_ (II, 665, 685), was published +at Edinburgh from 22 September 1780 through 23 March 1781, for a total +of 26 numbers; the editor was apparently James Tytler, the publisher J. +Mennons. + + + + +BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE + + +The text of this facsimile reprint of the second edition of Callender's +_Deformities_ (1782) is published with the kind permission of the +University of Chicago Library. + + + + +DEFORMITIES + +OF + +DR SAMUEL JOHNSON. + + +SELECTED FROM HIS WORKS. + + +_Nihil rerum mortalium tam instabile ac fluxum est, quam fama_--TACITUS. + +The diversion of _baiting_ an AUTHOR has the sanction of all ages and +nations, and is more lawful than the sport of teizing other _animals_ +because for the most part HE comes voluntarily to the stake. + + RAMBLER, No. 176. + + +SECOND EDITION. + + +LONDON: + +Printed for the AUTHOR; and sold by J. STOCKDALE; + +AND + +W. CREECH, Edinburgh. + +M.DCC.LXXXII. + + + + +PREFACE + +TO THE SECOND EDITION. + + +Man is endowed with sagacity sufficient to discover his errors, but +seldom has fortitude to forsake them. Hence it arises that even the +weakest of the species can point out the follies of his companions, and +fancies that he can reform his own. We are amazed that a being like +ourselves should thus deliberately act below the dignity of reason, but +we forget that our own conduct may also be reviewed with contempt and +pity. + +The world is buried in prejudice: Every department of knowledge is +deeply infected by its fatal poison. Thus we frequently respect or +reprobate a book without a perusal, merely on account of the Author's +name. Not one in ten thousand of his panegyrists hath ever comprehended +the system of Newton.--What then is the value of _their_ approbation? +The public have long heard that a late English Dictionary is a most +masterly performance; but is there a single man in England who ever read +it half through? No. The school-boy imagines that it is above his +capacity: The man of letters feels it to be below his; but being +considered as a fashionable decoration in a closet of books, it is +bought without the least chance of being perused, and WE (for the +_first_ time to be sure) have been admiring we know not what. + +However as the variety of our sentiments is without end, it often +happens, that while a philosopher is celebrated by one part of his +readers, he is despised by some of the rest. Almost all the great +authors of the present age have been more bitterly reviled than any +other subjects of England, the Ministry excepted. But in a matter so +frivolous as the merit of a book, the public are seldom guilty of gross +injustice. Indeed, when an acute historian continues, in contempt of his +own conviction, to persist in a falsehood, merely because he hath once +affirmed it--when an elegant poet, in search of sublimity, soars, or +rather sinks beyond the kenn of common sense[1]--when an astronomer +treats his antagonist like a felon--when an advocate of piety +impregnates his pages with slander, scurrility, and treason--then the +world may be pardoned though they abate something of their veneration +for the dignity of the learned. + +We can hardly produce a stronger evidence of the prejudice, and the good +nature of the public, than their indulgence to the foibles of Dr Samuel +Johnson; nor a stronger evidence of the force of self-conceit, than that +disdain of admonition which forms the capital feature in his character. +He seems to fancy that his opinions cannot be disputed; and many of his +admirers acquiesce in his idea; yet his volumes are of no great value; +his personal appearance cannot much recommend him; his conversation +would shock the rudest savage. His ignorance, his misconduct, and his +success, are a striking proof that the race is not always to the swift, +nor the battle to the strong. Let us enquire by what singular series of +accidents, such a man crawled to the summit of classical reputation? + +Most of his verses were among his early productions, and they merit +abundant praise. His account of Savage compelled our approbation, and +discovered a species of excellence but very little known in the annals +of English literature. The force of language and of thought which he +displayed in the Rambler, extended his reputation, and atoned for his +numerous imperfections. He had by this time engaged to write an English +Dictionary. Wise men are known by their work, says the Proverb. After +many years he produced a performance of which I shall only say what can +easily be proved, that few books are so unworthy of the title which they +bear, and so void of every thing intellectual. + +But Dr Johnson's credit was supported by something very different from +intrinsic merit. As he was not worth a shilling, his work was printed +and patronized by a phalanx of booksellers; and we can have no doubt +that much of his success was owing to their vigorous but interested +exertions. He had likewise other assistance, which would have been more +than sufficient to support the reputation of an ordinary writer. He was +protected by Mr. Garrick, the darling of mankind. England herself never +produced a more generous friend: And though he seldom wrote lessons of +morality, nothing could exceed the clearness of his understanding, but +the benevolence of his heart. By him, it is probable, Dr Johnson was +introduced to the late Earl of Chesterfield; a Minister, a man of +letters, and a friend to merit. His Lordship was persuaded to celebrate, +by anticipation, the merits of the Doctor's Dictionary[2], and his +condescension is said to have been repaid by the most ungrateful +insolence. Of these two illustrious men it may almost be affirmed that +their influence was universal, and when supported by the weight of the +booksellers, opposition sunk before it. The Doctor soon after received a +pension from the most unfortunate of all Statesmen, a Statesman whom +North Britons ought to mention as seldom as possible, and his name +acquired additional splendour from the dignity of Independence. + +Since that period his reputation, or at least his popularity, has been +rather on the decline. His edition of Shakespeare was with difficulty +forced upon the world by every artifice of trade. His political pieces +have long since insured the detestation of his countrymen, a few +individuals excepted. His Tour, considered as a whole, is a ridiculous +performance. His lives of English Poets abound with judicious +observations; but the great misfortune is, that our historian can very +seldom conceal the narrowness of his soul. + +Of the present trifle the Author has very little to say. The reception +which it at first met with has induced him to risk a second edition. He +has perused it with honest attention, from the first line to the last, +that he might endeavour to supply its deficiencies, and to correct its +errors. In the execution of this task, he has frequently had occasion to +remark, that it is more easy to demolish a palace than to erect a +cottage. + + EDINBURGH, } + _Nov. 21, 1782_. } + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +When a boy peruses a book with pleasure, his admiration riseth +immediately from the work to its author. His fancy fondly ranks his +favourite with the wise, and the virtuous. He glows with a lover's +impatience, to reach the presence of this _superior being_, to drink of +science at the fountain-head, to complete his ideas at once, and riot in +all the luxuries of learning. + +The novice unhappily presumes, that men who command the passions of +others cannot be slaves to their own: That a historian must feel the +worth of justice and tenderness, while he tells us, how kings and +conquerors are commonly the burden and the curse of society: That an +assertor of public freedom will never become the dupe of flattery, and +the pimp of oppression: That the founder of a system cannot want words +to explain it: _That_ the compiler of a _dictionary_ has at least a +common degree of knowledge: _That_ an inventor of _new_ terms can tell +what they mean: _That_ he, who refines and fixes the language of +empires, is able to converse, without the pertness of a pedant, or the +vulgarity of a porter: _That_ a preacher of morality will blush to +persist in vindictive, deliberate, and detected falsehoods: _That_ he +who totters on the brink of eternity will speak with caution and +humanity of the dead: And _that_ a traveller, who pretends to veracity, +dares not avow contradictions. + +But in learning, as in life, much of our happiness flows from deception. +Ignorance, the parent of wonder, is often the parent of esteem and love. +While devouring Horace we venerate the Deserter of Brutus, and the +Slave of Cæsar. Transported by his sublime eloquence, the reader of +Cicero forgets that Cicero himself was a plagiarist and a coward: That +Rome was but a den of robbers: That Cataline resembled the rest; and +that this rebel was only revenging the blood of butchered nations, of +Samnium, of Epirus, of Carthage, and of--HANNIBAL. + +'The laurels which human praise confers are withered and blasted by the +unworthiness of those who wear them.' There is often a curious contrast +between an author and his books. The mildest, the politest, the wisest, +and the most _worthy_ man alive, pens five hundred pages to display the +pleasures of friendship and the beauties of benevolence; but alas! he is +a theorist only, for his sympathy never cost him a shilling. A +party-tool talks of public spirit. A pedant commands our tears. A +pensioner inveighs against pensions; and a bankrupt preaches public +oeconomy. The philosopher quotes Horace, while he defrauds his valet. +A mimick of Richardson, is a domestic tyrant: A Sydenham, the rendezvous +of diseases: A declaimer against envy, of all men the most invidious. +The satirist has not a reformer's virtues. The poet of love and +friendship is without a mistress, or a friend; while a time-server +celebrates the valour of heroes, and exults in the _freedom_ of England. +Like Penelope, most writers employ part of their time to undo the +labours of the rest. Judging by their lives one would think it were +their chief study to render learning ridiculous. We lose all respect for +teachers, who, when the lesson is ended, are 'no wiser or better than +common men.' To be convinced that books are trifles, let us only remark +how little good they do, and how little those, who love them, love each +other. The monopolists of literary fame, for the most part, regard a +rival as an enemy. Their mutual hostilities, like those of aquatick +animals, are unavoidable and constant; and their voracity differs from +that of the shark, but as a half-devoured carcase, from a murdered +reputation. The existence of many books depends on the ruin of some of +the rest; yet, with our _English Dictionary_, a few _immortal_ +compositions are to live unwounded by the shafts of envy, and to descend +in a torrent of applause from one century to another. A thousand of +their critics will exist and be forgotten; a thousand of their imitators +will sink into contempt; but THEY shall defy the force of time; continue +to flourish thro' every _fashion_ of philosophy, and, like Egyptian +pyramids, perish but in the ruins of the globe. + + + + +DEFORMITIES, &c. + + +In the number of men who dishonour their own genius, ought to be ranked +Dr Samuel Johnson; for his abilities and learning are not accompanied by +candour and generosity. His life of Pomfret concludes with this maxim, +that 'he who pleases many, must have merit;' yet, in defiance of his own +rule, the Doctor has, a thousand times, attempted to prove, that they +who please many, have _no_ merit. His invidious and revengeful remark on +Chesterfield, would have disgraced any other man. He said, and nobody +but himself would have said it, that Churchill was a shallow fellow. And +he once told some of his admirers, that SWIFT was a _shallow_, a _very +shallow_ fellow: reminding us of the Lilliputian who drew _his_ bow to +Gulliver[3]. For the memory of this man, who may be classed with Cato +and Phocion, the Doctor feels no tenderness or respect. And for that[4], +and other critical blasphemies, he has undergone innumerable floggings. +No writer of this nation has made more noise. None has discovered more +contempt for other men's reputations, or more confidence in his own. I +would humbly submit a few hints for his improvement, if he be not 'too +old to learn.' And, whatever freedoms I take, the Doctor himself may be +quoted as a precedent for insolent invective, and brutal reproach. He +has told us[5], that 'the two lowest of all human beings are, a +scribbler for a party, and a commissioner of excise.' This very man was +himself the hired scribbler of a party; and why should a commissioner of +excise be one of the meanest of mankind? In the preface to his octavo +Dictionary, the Doctor affirms, that, 'by the labours of all his +predecessors, not even the _lowest_ expectation can be gratified.' The +author of a revisal of Shakespeare[6] attacks (he says) with '_gloomy +malignity_, as if he were dragging to justice an assassin or incendiary. +He bites like a viper, and would be glad to leave inflammations and +gangrene behind him.' For this shocking language, which could have been +answered by nothing but a blow, the _primum mobile_, perhaps, was, that +the critic had dedicated his book to Lord Kaims, (a Scotsman, and +another very _shallow_ fellow) 'as the truest judge, and most +intelligent admirer of Shakespeare.' + +His treatment of Colley Cibber is, if possible, worse. That great +ornament of the stage was a man of genius, at least equal to Dr +Johnson--but they had a quarrel, and though Cibber has been more than +twenty years buried, the Doctor, in his life of Pope, studies to revenge +it. His expressions are gross. 'In the Dunciad, among other _worthless_ +scribblers he (Pope) had mentioned _Cibber_. The dishonour of being +shewn as _Cibber's_ antagonist could never be compensated by the +victory. _Cibber_ had nothing to lose--The shafts of satire were +directed in vain against _Cibber_, being repelled by the impenetrable +impudence,' &c.[7] We have been deafened about the Doctor's private +virtues; of which these passages are a very poor evidence. + +It is believed by some, that Dr Johnson's _admirable_ Dictionary is the +most capital monument of human genius; that the studies of Archimedes +and Newton are but like a feather in the scale with this amazing work; +that he has given our language a stability, which, without him, it had +never known; that he has performed alone, what, in other nations, whole +academies fail to perform; and that as the fruit of _his_ learning and +sagacity, our compositions will be classical and immortal. This may be +true; but the book displays many proofs or his _ill-nature_, and evinces +what I want to insist on, viz. that _he who despises politeness cannot +deserve it_. For his seditious and impudent definitions[8] he would, in +Queen Anne's reign, have had a fair chance of mounting the pillory. +Hume, Smith, and Chesterfield may be quoted to prove, that Walpole and +Excise were improper objects of execration; but an _emanation_ of royal +munificence has, of late, relaxed the Doctor's _frigorific_ virtue; and, +in his _False Alarm_, he affirms, that our government approaches nearer +to perfection, _than any other that fiction has feigned, or history +recorded_. This is going pretty far; but the peevish, though +_incorruptible_ patriot, proceeds a great deal farther. His political +pieces have great elegance and wit; yet, if the tenth part of what he +advances in them be true, his countrymen are a mob of ignorant, +ungrateful, rebellious ruffians. Every member in Opposition is a fool, a +firebrand, a monster; worse, if that were possible, than Ravillac, +Hambden, or Milton[9]. Here is a short specimen: + +'On the original contrivers of mischief let an insulted nation pour out +its vengeance. With whatever design they have inflamed this pernicious +contest, they are themselves equally detestable. If they wish success to +the colonies, they are TRAITORS to this country; if they wish their +defeat, they are TRAITORS at once to America and England. To them +(Mess. Burke & Co.) and them only, must be imputed the interruption of +commerce, and the miseries of war, the sorrow of those who shall be +ruined, and the blood of those that shall fall[10].' + +From the Doctor's volumes I am to select some passages, illustrate them +with a few observations, and submit them to the reader's opinion. These +pages aim at _perspicacity_. They are ambitious to record TRUTH. + +'He that writes the life of another, is either his friend or his enemy, +and wishes either to exalt his praise, or aggravate his infamy[11].' The +Doctor betrays a degree of inconsistency incompatible with his reputed +abilities. After such a confession, what have we to hope for in _his_ +lives of English poets? + +Having thus denied veracity both to Plutarch and _himself_, this Idler, +in the very next page, leaps at once from the wildest scepticism to the +wildest credulity. The paragraph is too long for insertion; but the +tenor of it is, that 'a man's account of himself, left behind him +unpublished, may be _depended on_;' because, 'by self-love all have been +so often betrayed, _that_ (now for the strangest flight of nonsense) all +are on the watch against its artifices.' + +In his Dictionary, _temperance_ is defined to be '_moderation opposed to +gluttony and drunkenness_.' And he has since defined 'sobriety or +temperance' to be '_nothing_ but the forbearance of _pleasure_[12].' +This maxim needs no comment. + +'A man will, in the hour of darkness and fatigue, be content to leave +behind him every thing but _himself_[13].' Here the Doctor supposes, +that a person can leave _himself_ behind _himself_. When the reader +examines the passage in the original, he will be convinced, that this +cannot be an error of the press only. Had the Rambler, when he crossed +Tweed, left behind him his pride, his indolence, and his vulgarity, he +would have returned a much wiser, better, and happier man than he did. + +_Form_, he explains to be, 'the external appearance of any thing, +shape;' but, when speaking of hills in the North of Scotland, he says, +'the appearance is that of matter incapable of FORM[14]!' He has seen +_matter_, not only destitute, but incapable of _shape_. He has seen an +_appearance_ which is incapable of _external_ appearance. And yet, in +the same book, he seems to regret the weakness of his vision. + +Beauty is 'that assemblage of graces which pleases the eye.' But, in the +Idler[15], he displays his true idea of beauty; and it is a very lame +piece of philosophy. Judge from a few samples: 'If a man, born blind, +was to recover his sight, and the most beautiful woman was to be brought +before him, he could not determine whether she was handsome or not. Nor +if the most handsome and most deformed were produced, could he any +better determine to which he should give the preference, having seen +only these two.' And again, 'as we are then more accustomed to beauty +than deformity, we may conclude _that_ to be the reason why we approve +and admire it.' Moreover, 'though habit and custom cannot be said to be +the cause[16] of beauty, IT is certainly the cause of our liking it[17]. +I have no doubt, but that, if we were more used to deformity than +beauty, deformity would then lose the idea now annexed to it, and take +that of beauty; as if the whole world should agree that _yes_ and _no_ +should change their meanings, _yes_ would then deny, and _no_ would +affirm.' This is such a perfection of nonsense, that the reader will, +perhaps, think it a forgery; but he will find it _verbatim et +literatim_, and the whole number is in the same stile. + +'Swift in his _petty_ treatise on the English language, allows that new +words _must_ sometimes be introduced, but proposes that _none_ should be +suffered to become obsolete[18].' The Doctor has not given a fair +quotation from Swift. One would imagine that Swift had proposed to +retain every word which is to be found in any of our popular authors, +but he neither said nor meant any such thing. His words are these: +'They' (the members of the proposed society) 'will find many words _that +deserve to be utterly thrown out of our language_!' And the Dean says +nothing afterwards which infers a contradiction[19]. + +In his account of Lyttleton, the Doctor's good nature is evident. He +speaks not a word as to the merit of the history of Henry II. but--'It +was published with such anxiety as only _vanity_ can dictate.' We are +next entertained with a page of dirty anecdotes concerning its +publication, which the Doctor seems to have picked up from some +printer's journeyman. 'The Persian Letters have something of that +indistinct and headstrong ardour for liberty which a man of genius +_always_ catches when he enters the world, and _always_ suffers to cool +as he passes forward.' Of the admired monody to the memory of Lady +Lyttleton, we are told only that it is _long_. 'His dialogues of the +dead were very eagerly read, tho' the production rather, as it seems of +leisure than of study, rather effusions than compositions. The names of +his persons too often enable the reader to anticipate their +conversation; and when they have met, they too often part without a +conclusion.' These remarks apply with peculiar justice to Dr Johnson's +dictionary, for that work is an _effusion_ rather than a _composition_. +His reader is for the most part able to anticipate his definitions, and +they generally end without conclusion. Lord Lyttleton's poems 'have +_nothing_ to be _despised_ and _little_ to be _admired_.' But here, as +usual, the Doctor contradicts himself, and in the very next line 'of his +Progress of Love, _it is sufficient blame to say_ that it is pastoral. +His blank verse in Blenheim has neither much force, nor much elegance. +His little performances, whether songs or epigrams, are sometimes +spritely, and sometimes _insipid_'--and of course _despicable_. The +candid and accurate author of the Rambler has forgot the existence of +that beautiful blossom of sensibility, that pure effusion of friendship, +the prologue to Coriolanus. + +The life of Dr Young has been written by a lawyer, who conveys the +meanest thoughts in the meanest language. His stile is dry, stiff, +grovelling, and impure. His anecdotes and ideas, are evidently the cud +of Dr Johnson's conversation. He continues in the same fretful tone from +the first line to the last. He is at once most contemptuous and +contemptible. Whatever he says is insipid or disgusting. He is the bad +imitator of a bad original; and an honest man cannot peruse his libel +without indignation. He steps out of his way to remind us of Milton's +_corporal correction_, a story fabricated, as is well known, by his +Employer. His ignorance has already been illustrated in a periodical +pamphlet. Johnson himself, with all his imperfections, is often as far +superior to this unhappy penman, as the author of the Night-Thoughts is +superior to Johnson. And yet this critical assassin, this literary +jackall, is celebrated by the Doctor[20]. _Pares cum paribus facile +congregantur._ + +'Dryden's poem on the death of Mrs Killigrew is undoubtedly the noblest +ode that our language ever has produced. The first part flows with a +torrent of enthusiasm. All the stanzas, indeed, are not equal.' He +proceeds to compare it with an imperial crown, &c. But, a little after, +'the ode on St Cecilia's day is allowed _to stand without a rival_[21].' +These are his identical words; and his admirers may reconcile them if +they can. Indeed, he seems ashamed of his own inconsistency, and is +ready to relapse; but thinks, upon the whole, that Alexander's Feast +'may, _perhaps_, be pronounced superior to the ode on Killigrew.' Dr +Johnson is said to be the greatest critic of his age; yet the verses on +Mrs Killigrew are beneath all criticism; and, perhaps, no person ever +read them through, except their author, and himself. + +Dryden's fable 'of the Cock and Fox seems hardly worth the labour of +_rejuvenescence_[22].' Some _narcotic_ seems to have _refrigerated_ the +red liquor which circulates in the Doctor's veins[23], and to have +_hebetated_ and _obtunded_ his powers of _excogitation_[24], for +elegance and wit never met more happily than here. Peruse only the first +page of this poem, and then judge. The nonsense which has been written +by critics is, in quantity and absurdity, beyond all conception. Perhaps +his admirers may answer, that my remark is but the _ramification_ of +envy, the _intumescence_ of ill-nature, the _exacerbation_ of 'gloomy +malignity.' However, it would not be amiss to commit that page of +_inanity_ to the power of _cremation_; and let not his fondest idolaters +confide in its _indiscerptibility_. In painting the sentiments and the +scenes of common life, to write English which Englishmen cannot read, is +a degree of insolence hardly known till now, and seems to be nothing but +the poor refuge of pedantic dullness. + +His Abyssinian tale hath many beauties, yet the characters are insipid, +the narrative ridiculous, the moral invisible, and the reader +disappointed. '_Intercepting interruptions_ and _volant_ animals' are +above common comprehension. The Newtonian system had reached the happy +valley; for its inhabitants talk of the earth's _attraction_ and the +body's _gravity_[25]. To tell a tale is not the Doctor's most happy +talent; he can hardly be proud of his success in _that_ species of +fiction. + +Speaking of Scotland, he says, 'The variety of sun and shade is here[26] +utterly unknown. There is no tree for either shelter or timber. The oak +and the thorn _is_ equally a stranger. They have neither wood for +palisades, nor thorns for hedges. A tree may be shown in Scotland as a +horse in Venice[27].' An _English_ reader may, perhaps, require to be +told, that there are thousands of trees of all ages and dimensions, +within a mile of Edinburgh; that there are numerous and thriving +plantations in Fife; and that, as some of them overshadow part of the +post-road to St Andrew's, the Doctor must have been blinder than +darkness, if he did not see them. But why would any man travel at all, +who is determined to believe nothing which he _hears_, and who, at the +same time, cannot _see_ six inches beyond his nose? + +'We are not very sure that the bull is ever _without horns_, though we +have been told that such bulls there are[28].' Who are the _we_ he +refers to? and who but the Doctor ever started so weak a question? His +ignorance is below ridicule. It is true, that, in England, bulls which +_want_ horns are less numerous than husbands who _have_ them; yet such +bulls are always to be found. For the performance which contains this +profound remark, this _agglomerated ramification of torpid imbecility_, +be it known, that _we_ have paid six shillings, which verifies the +proverb, that _a fool and his money are soon parted_. + +'We found a small church, clean to a degree unknown in any other part of +Scotland[29]!' Here the fact _may_ be true; but Dr Johnson _must_ be +ignorant whether it is or not. It is certain, that some buildings of +that kind in Edinburgh, are no high specimens of national taste; but, if +the Rambler would insinuate that this want of elegance is general, we +must impeach his veracity; we must remind him, that there are gloomy, +dirty, and unwholesome cathedrals in _both_ countries; and we must +lament, that, when entering Scotland, the Doctor _left every thing +behind him but_ HIMSELF. + +'Suspicion has been always considered, when it exceeds the common +measure, as a token of depravity and corruption; and a Greek writer has +laid it down as a standing maxim, that _he who believes not the oath of +another, knows himself to be perjured_.--Suspicion is, indeed, a temper +so uneasy and restless, that it is very justly appointed the +concomitant of guilt. Suspicion is not less an enemy to virtue than to +happiness. He that is already corrupt, is naturally suspicious, and he +that becomes suspicious, will quickly be corrupt[30].' This cannot +always be true; but, if it were, the Rambler is by far the greatest +miscreant who ever infested society. Speaking of Scotland, he says, 'I +know not whether I found man or woman whom I interrogated concerning +payments of money, that could surmount the illiberal desire of +_deceiving me_, by representing every thing as dearer than it is.--The +Scot must be a sturdy moralist who does not love Scotland better than +truth[31].' Apply the Doctor's maxims to his own conduct, and then judge +of his honesty. He adds a little after: 'The civility and respect which +we found at every place, it is _ungrateful_ to omit, and tedious to +repeat[32].' He should not have spoke of ingratitude. The picture grows +quite shocking. + +'How they lived without kail, it is not easy to guess. They cultivate +hardly any other plant for common tables; and, when they had not kail, +_they probably had_ NOTHING[33].' As the word _kail_ is not to be found +in his Dictionary, an English reader will be at a loss to find out what +he means. His conjecture is ridiculous; and here a _new_ contradiction +must be swallowed by the Doctor's believers; for, if OATS be 'a grain, +which, in England, is generally given to horses, but, in Scotland, +_supports_ the people[34],' in that case, it is easy to guess how they +lived without _kail_. Any thing else had surely been better than to fill +up his heavy folios with such peevish nonsense. + +In his life of Butler, the Doctor has confined his remarks to +_Hudibras_, though the rest of that author's works, both in prose and +verse, merit equal attention. What are we to think of this invidious and +culpable omission? Hudibras itself would, perhaps, have been omitted, if +the book had not tended to ridicule dissenters; for no man in England +seems to hate that sect so heartily. In Watt's life, he takes care to +tell us, that the author was to be praised in every thing but his +_non-conformity_; and, in his ever memorable Tour, the Rambler says, 'I +found several (Highland Ministers), with whom I could not converse, +without wishing, as my respect increased, that they had not been +presbyterians[35].' Here a critic has very properly interrogated the +Doctor, what he would have said or thought, if the Highland ministers +had lamented that _he_ was _not_ a presbyterian? This man has no +tincture of the liberal and humane manners of the present age; and yet, +with his peculiar consistency, he laughs at the dissenter who refused to +eat a Christmas pye[36]. This quondam believer in the Cocklane ghost +says, 'though I have, like the rest of mankind, many failings and +weaknesses, I have not yet, by either friends or enemies, been charged +with _superstition_[37];' yet, with all the Doctor's 'contempt of old +women and their tales[38],' he would, if a Roman consul, have disbanded +his army for the scratching of a rat[39]. + +'We found tea here, as in every other place, but our spoons were of +horn[40].' This important fact had been hinted in a former page; and +such is the Doctor's politeness! + + Some rugged rock's hard entrails gave thee form, + And raging seas produc'd thee in a storm. POPE. + +'They do what I found it not very easy to endure. They _pollute_ the +tea-table by plates piled with large slices of Cheshire cheese[41].' The +happiness of this remark will be fully felt by those acquainted with the +peculiar purity of Pomposo's person. + +'M'Leod left them _lying_ dead by families as they _stood_[42].' This is +_profound_; for no man can stand and lie at the same time. The line +ought to be read thus: 'M'Leod left them lying _dead_ by families as +they HAD _stood_.' + +Of the Memoirs of Scriblerus, the Doctor says: 'If the whole may be +estimated by this specimen, which seems to be the production of +Arbuthnot, with a few touches, perhaps, by Pope, the want of more will +not be much lamented; for the follies which the writer ridicules, are so +little practised, that they are not known; nor can the satire be +understood but by the learned: He raises phantoms of absurdity, and then +drives them away: He cures diseases that were never felt. + +'For this reason[43], the joint production of three great writers has +never obtained _any_ notice from mankind. It has been little read, or +when read, has been forgotten, as no man could be wiser, better, or +merrier by remembering it. + +'The design cannot boast of much originality; for, besides its general +resemblance to _Don Quixote_, there will be found in it particular +imitations of the history of Mr Ouffle. + +'Swift carried so much of it into Ireland as supplied him with hints for +his travels; and with those the world might have been contented, though +the rest had been suppressed[44].' + +Here we have a copious specimen of the Doctor's _taste_; and all the +volumes of English criticism cannot produce a poorer page. + +The work thus condemned, displays a very rich vein of wit and learning. +The follies which it exposes, though a little heightened, were, in that +age, frequent, and perfectly well known. The writers whom it ridicules, +have sunk into _nihility_. The book is always reprinted with the prose +works of Pope, and Swift, and Arbuthnot; and what stronger mark of +_notice_ can the public bestow? Every man who reads it, must be the +wiser and the merrier; and the satire may be understood with very little +learning. + +Dr Arbuthnot was a Scotsman, and, probably, a Presbyterian. He was an +amiable man. He is _dead_. Dr Johnson feels himself to be his inferior; +and, therefore, endeavours to murder the reputation of his works. To +gain credit with the reader, he artfully draws a very high character of +Arbuthnot, a few pages before, and here, in effect, overturns it. He had +said that Arbuthnot was 'a scholar, with great brilliancy of wit.' But, +if his wit and learning are not displayed in the Memoirs of Scriblerus, +we may ask where wit and learning are to be found? + +Of this extract, the style is as slovenly as the leading sentiments are +false. + +The book is said to be, the 'production of Arbuthnot.' Within ten lines, +it is 'the joint production of _three_ great writers.' How can follies +be practised which are not known? or diseases cured, which were never +felt? He claims the attributes of omniscience when saying, that 'it has +been little read, or when read, has been forgotten;' for, as it has been +so frequently reprinted, no human being can be certain that it has been +little read, or forgotten; but there is the strongest evidence of the +contrary. This period concludes, as it began, with a most absurd +assertion. If 'the design cannot boast of much originality,' there is +nothing original in the literary world. Who is Mr Ouffle? and who told +the Doctor that Swift carried any part of Scriblerus into Ireland, to +supply hints for his travels? When Gulliver was published, Dr Arbuthnot, +as appears from their correspondence, did not know whether that book was +written by Swift or not; so that we are sure the Dean carried _nothing_ +of Arbuthnot's along with him. Had Dr Johnson 'flourished and stunk' in +their age, he would have been the hero of Martin's memoirs; and, to +suppose him conscious of this circumstance, will account for the +Rambler's malevolence, and explain why the bull broke into a +china-shop. + +I beg particular attention to the following passage. + +'His (Pope's) version may be said to have tuned the English tongue; for, +since its appearance, no writer[45], however deficient in other powers, +has wanted _melody_[46].' This is wild enough; but, of Gray's two +longest Odes, 'the language is laboured into _harshness_.' Hammond's +verses 'never glide in a stream of _melody_.' The diction of Collins +'was often _harsh_, unskilfully laboured, and injudiciously selected. +His lines, commonly, are of slow motion, clogged and impeded with +clusters of consonants.' Of the style of Savage, 'The general fault is, +_harshness_.' The diction of Shenstone 'is often _harsh_, improper, and +affected,' &c. + +Of these five poets, some were not born when Pope's version was +published; and, of the rest, not one had penned a line now extant. They +are all here charged, in the strongest terms, with _harshness_; and yet, +(_mirabile dictu!_) since the appearance of Pope's version, 'no writer, +however deficient in other powers, has wanted _melody_.' + +It is no less curious, that the author of this wonder-working +translation is himself charged with want of melody; and that too in a +poem written many years after the appearance of Pope's Homer. 'The essay +on man contains more lines unsuccessfully laboured, more _harshness_ of +diction, more thoughts imperfectly expressed, more levity without +elegance, and more heaviness without strength,[47]' &c. + +'Gray thought his language more poetical, as it was more remote from +common use[48].' This assertion is not entirely without foundation, but +it is very far from being quite true. + +'Finding in Dryden, honey _redolent of spring_, an expression that +reaches the utmost limits of our language, Gray drove it a little more +beyond common apprehension, by making _gale_ to be _redolent of joy and +youth_[49].' The censure is just. But Dr Johnson is the last man alive, +who should blame an author for driving our language to its utmost +limits: For a very great part of his life has been spent in corrupting +and confounding it. In some verses to a Lady, he talks of his +_arthritic_ pains[50], an epithet not very suitable to the dialect of +Parnassus. Dr Johnson himself cannot always write common sense. 'In a +short time many were content to be shewn beauties which _they could not +see_[51].' He must here mean--'Beauties which they could not have +seen;'--for it is needless to add, that no man can be shewn what he +cannot see. + +It is curious to observe a man draw his own picture, without intending +it. Pomposo, when censuring some of Gray's odes, observes, That 'Gray is +too fond of words arbitrarily compounded. The mind of the writer seems +to work with unnatural violence. _Double, double, toil and trouble._' He +(the author of an Elegy in a country church-yard) 'has a kind of +strutting dignity, and is tall by walking on tip-toe. His art and his +struggle are too visible, and there is too little appearance of ease, or +nature. In all Gray's odes, there is a kind of cumbrous splendour which +we wish away[52].' We may say like Nathan, _Thou art the man_. + +Mr. Gray, and Mr. Horace Walpole, are said to have _wandered_ through +France and Italy[53]. And as a contrast to this polite expression, I +shall add some remarks which have occurred on the Doctor's own mode of +wandering. + +'It must afford peculiar entertainment to see a person of his character, +who has scarcely ever been without the precincts of this metropolis +(London), and _who has been long accustomed to the adulation of a little +knot of companions of his own trade_, sallying forth in quest of +discoveries--Neither the people nor the country that he has visited will +perhaps be considered as the most extraordinary part of the phænomena he +has described.--The Doctor has endeavoured to give an account of his +travels; but he has furnished his readers with a picture of himself. He +has seen very little, and observed still less. His narration is neither +supported by vivacity, to make it entertaining, nor accompanied with +information, to render it instructive. It exhibits the pompous +artificial diction of the Rambler with the same _vacuity of +thought_.--The reader is led from one Highland family to another merely +to be informed of the number of their children, the barrenness of their +country, and of the kindness with which the Doctor was treated. In the +Highlands he is like a foolish peasant brought for the first time into a +great city, staring at every sign-post, and gaping with equal wonder and +astonishment at every object he meets[54].' + +'At Florence they (Gray and Walpole) quarelled and parted; and Mr. +Walpole is _now_ content to have it told that it was by his fault[55].' +This is a dirty insinuation; and the rant which follows in the next +period is of equal value. + +He observes, That '_A long story_ perhaps adds little to Gray's +reputation[56].' _Perhaps_ was useless here, and indeed the Doctor has +introduced it in a thousand places, where it was useless, and left it +out in as many where it was necessary. In justice to Gray, he ought to +have added, that their Author rejected, from a correct edition of his +works, this insipid series of verses. + +'Gray's reputation was now so high that he had the honour of refusing +the laurel[57].' No man's reputation has ever yet acquired him the +laurel, without some particular application from a courtier. What +honour is acquired by refusing the laurel? An hundred pounds a-year +would have enabled an oeconomist like Mr Gray to preserve his +independence and exert his generosity. The office of laureat is only +ridiculous in the hands of a fool. Mr. Savage in that character produced +nothing which would dishonour an Englishman and a poet. It is probable +that Mr. Gray, a very costive writer, could hardly have made a decent +number of verses within the limited time. From the passage now quoted +the reader will not fail to remark, that the Rambler 'nurses in his mind +a foolish disesteem of kings[58].' + +Mr. Gray 'had a notion not very peculiar, that he could not write but at +certain times, or at happy moments; a fantastic foppery to which _my_ +kindness for a man of learning and of virtue wishes him to have been +superior[59].' Milton, who was no doubt a shallow fellow compared with +the Reformer of our language, had the same 'fantastic foppery.' Mr Hume +remarks that Milton had not leisure 'to watch the returns of +genius.'--Every man feels himself at some times less capable of +intellectual effort, than at others. The Rambler himself has, in the +most express terms, contradicted his present notion. In Denham's life he +quotes four lines which must, he says, have been written 'in some _hour +propitious to poetry_.' In another place in the same lives his tumid and +prolix eloquence disembogues itself to prove, what no man ever doubted, +viz. 'That a tradesman's hand is often out, he cannot tell why.' And an +inference is drawn, That this is still more apt to be the case with a +man straining his mental abilities. + +In Gray's ode on spring, 'The thoughts have nothing new, the morality is +natural, but too stale[60].' Read the poem, and then esteem the critic +if you can. Speaking of _the Bard_ he says, 'Of the first stanza the +abrupt beginning has been celebrated; but _technical_ beauties can give +praise only to the inventor[61].' The question here is, What he means +by a _technical_ beauty? That word he explains, 'Belonging to arts; not +in common or popular use'--How can this word in either of these senses +apply here with propriety? + +What he says of 'these four stanzas[62]'--conveys, I think, no +sentiment. Every word may be understood separately, but in their present +arrangement they seem to have no meaning, or they mean nonsense, and +perhaps, contradiction; but this passage I leave to the supreme tribunal +of all authors--to the reason and common sense of the reader. He can +best determine whether he has 'never seen the notions in any other +place, yet persuades himself that he always felt them.' These ideas are +very beautifully expressed in many passages of Gaelic poetry: and Mr. +Gray, let it be remembered, to the honour of his taste and candour, was +the warm admirer of Fingal. + +Comparing Gray's ode with an ode of Horace[63], he says, 'there is in +_the Bard_ more force, more thought, and more variety'--as indeed there +very well may, for in the one there are thirty-six lines only, and in +the other one hundred and forty-four. His whole works are full of such +trifling observations. 'But to copy is less than to invent, theft is +always dangerous.' If he means to insinuate that Gray's Bard is a copy +of Horace, (and this is the plain inference from his words) I charge him +in direct terms as _an atrocious violator of_ TRUTH. + +'The fiction of Horace was to the Romans credible; (NO) but its revival +disgusts _us_ with apparent and unconquerable falsehood, _Incredulus +odi_[64].' How will the Doctor's verdict be digested at Aberdeen by 'a +poet, a philosopher, and a good man[65].' It is diverting to remark how +these _mutual admirers_ clash on the clearest point, with not a +possibility of reconcilement. + +I pass by five or six lines, which are not worth contradiction, though +they cannot resist it. 'I do not _see_ that _the Bard_ promotes any +truth moral or political[66].' The Rambler's intellect is _blind_.--He +seems to have stared a great deal, to have seen little or nothing. The +Bard very forcibly impresses this moral, political, and important truth, +that eternal vengeance would pursue the English Tyrant and his +posterity, as enemies to posterity, and exterminators of mankind. Dr +Johnson, a stickler for the _jus divinum_, did not relish this idea. + +He commends the 'Ode on Adversity,' but the hint was at 'first taken +from Horace[67].' The poem referred to has almost no resemblance to Mr +Gray's. And if we go on at this rate, where will we find any thing +original? He mistakes the title of this poem, which is not an 'Ode on,' +but a 'Hymn to' Adversity. This is a clear though trifling proof of his +inattention. As he dare not condemn this piece, it is dismissed in six +lines, to make room for '_The wonderful wonder of wonders_, the two +Sister Odes, by which many have been persuaded to think themselves +delighted[68].' He chews them through four tedious octavo pages. We come +then to Gray's Elegy, which occupies an equal share of a paragraph +containing only fourteen lines. So much more plentiful is the critic in +gall than honey! And in reading this fragment we may remark that +_nonsense_ is not _panegyric_. + +Speaking of Welsh Mythology, he says, 'Attention recoils from the +repetition of a tale that, even when it was _first_ heard, was heard +with scorn[69].' There is no reason to think that the Welsh disbelieved +these fictions. It is much more likely that many believe them at this +day. Shakespeare has from this superstition made a whimsical picture of +Owen Glendower: He painted nature. This is one of those assertions which +our dictator should have qualified with a _perhaps_, an adverb, which, +wherever it _ought_ to be met with in the Doctor's pages, 'will not +easily be found[70].' + +'But I will no longer look for particular faults; yet let it be observed +that the ode might have been concluded with an action of better example; +but suicide is always to be had without expence of thought[71].' + +The lines objected to are these: + + 'He spoke, and headlong from the mountains height, + Deep in the roaring tide, he plung'd to endless night.' + +Let the Doctor, if he can, give us a better conclusion. + +'_The Prospect of Eaton College_ suggests nothing to Gray, which every +beholder does not equally think and feel[72].' He might as well have +said, that every man in England is capable of producing Paradise Lost. + +We have seen with what tenderness Dr Johnson speaks of the dead, we +shall now see his tenderness to the living. 'Let us give the Indians +arms, and teach them discipline, and encourage them now and then to +plunder a plantation. Security and leisure are the parents of +sedition[73].' The Doctor seems here to be serious. The proposal must +reflect infinite honour on his wisdom and humanity. + +'No part of the world has yet had reason to rejoice that COLUMBUS found +at last reception and employment[74].' This wild opinion is fairly +disproved by Dr Smith, a philosopher not much afraid of novelty; for he +has advanced a greater variety of original, interesting, and profound +ideas, than almost any other author since the first existence of books. + +'Such is the unevenness of Dryden's compositions that ten lines are +seldom found together without something of which the reader is +ashamed[75].' This is a very wide _aberration_ from truth. In Dryden's +fables we may frequently meet with five hundred lines together, without +_ten_ among them, which could have disgraced the most eminent writer. +His prologues and epilogues are a never failing fountain of good sense +and genuine poetry. But it were insulting the taste of the English +nation to insist any farther on this point. We shall presently see how +far Dr Johnson's Dictionary will answer the foregoing description. + +Dryden it is said discovers 'in the preface to his fables, that he +translated the first book of the Iliad without knowing what was in the +second[76].' This insinuation revolts against all probability; and +whoever peruses that elegant and delightful preface will find it to be +NOT TRUE. + +'The highest pleasure which nature has indulged to sensitive perception +is that of rest after fatigue[77].' And _sensitive_ is defined '_having +sense or perception; but not reason_.' If I understand the meaning of +this passage, it is, that no pleasure communicated through any of the +organs of sense is equal to that of _rest_. This assertion leads to the +most absurd consequences. In man, to separate sensitive from rational +perception appears to be simply impossible. Even rest is not in strict +language any pleasure. It is merely a mitigation of pain. The reader +will decide whether I do the Doctor justice, while I say, that he must +have been petrified when he composed this maxim. Thirst and hunger had +been long forgot. Handel and Titian had no power to charm. We learn that +a lover can receive, and his mistress can bestow nothing which is equal +to the rapturous enjoyment of an _easy chair_. The thought is new; no +human being ever did, or ever will conceive it, except this immortal +IDLER. + +'Physicians and lawyers are no friends to religion, and many +_conjectures_ have been formed to discover the _reason_ of such _a +combination_ between men who agree in _nothing else_, and who seem to be +less affected in their own provinces by religious opinions than any +other part of the community[78].' He then proceeds in the tone of an +author, who has made a discovery to inform us of the cause. 'They have +all seen a parson, seen him in a habit different from their own, and +therefore _declared war_ against him.' But _this_ can be no motive for +peculiar antipathy to parsons, allowing such antipathy to exist; for in +habit all other classes differ no less from the clergy, than the lawyer +and physician. But the remark itself is frivolous and false. Boerhaave +and Hale were men of eminent piety. Physicians and lawyers have as much +regard for religion as any other people generally have. Their _agreeing +in nothing else_ is another of the blunders crowded into this passage. +But I have too much respect for the reader's understanding to insist any +farther on this point. The _conjecturers_, the _combination_, and the +_declaration of war_, exist no where but in the Doctor's pericranium. He +was at a loss what to say, and the position is only to be regarded as a +_turbid ebullition of amphibological inanity_. But while we thus meet +with something which is ridiculous in every page, we are not to forget +even for a moment, what we have often heard, and what is most +unquestionably _true_, viz. That Dr Johnson is the father of British +literature, capital author of his age, and the greatest man in +Europe[79]!!! + +'We are by our occupations, education, and habits of life, divided +almost into different species, who regard one another for the most part +with scorn and malignity[80].' The Doctor is himself a proof, that a man +may look upon almost all of his own profession with scorn and malignity: +So that between his precept and his practice, the world seems bad +enough. But I hope every heart revolts at this gross insult on the +characters of mankind. He brings as an instance the aversion which +subsists between soldiers and sailors. There no doubt have been +jealousies and bloodshed between these two classes of men, but the same +accidents fall out more frequently between soldiers themselves. The +_scorn_ and _malignity_ of admirals seldom affect any line of service +but their own. His captain of foot[81], who saw no danger in a sea-fight +was a fool, and just such a specimen of English officers, as the Doctor +himself is of English travellers. Our repulse at Carthagena was not +owing to an antipathy between the _common_ men. Our late victory at +Savannah proves with what ardour they can unite. The Doctor has insulted +almost every order of society. + + Coblers with coblers smoke away the night, + Even players in the common cause, unite. + AUTHORS alone with more than mortal rage, + Eternal war with brother authors wage[82]. + +'To raise esteem we must benefit others,' is an assertion advanced in +the same page. But the Doctor, if he knows any thing, must know that +_esteem_ is often felt for an enemy. We value for his courage or +ingenuity the man who never heard our name, or who would not give a +guinea to save us from perdition. We can esteem the hero who butchers +nations, and the pedant who perplexes truth. Marlborough's avarice led +him to continue the continental war, till he had laid the great +foundation of our public debt. He was detested as much as any general +_now_ in England, and yet 'he was so great a man (said one of his +enemies) that I have forgot his faults.' Posterity, while they suffer +for his baseness, pay the due tribute of esteem to his genius and +intrepidity. + +In every point of view this maxim is 'the baseless fabrick of a vision.' +And what had so far _obumbrated_ the Rambler's powers of +_ratiocination_, it is not easy to guess. We sometimes feel it +impossible to esteem even our benefactor. 'I have received obligations +(said Chatterton) without being obliged.' And of consequence, his +benefactors had forfeited his esteem. The father of British literature +has in forty other places contradicted his own words. He has proved that +esteem is involuntary, and that benefits do not always procure it. + +The Doctor says, 'That Cowley having, when very young, read Spenser, +became _irrecoverably_ a poet[83].' And he adds a remark that shows his +good sense: 'Such are the accidents which, sometimes remembered, and +sometimes perhaps forgotten, PRODUCE that particular designation of mind +and propensity for some certain science or employment, which is commonly +called genius. The true genius is a mind of large general powers, +_accidentally_ determined to some particular direction. The great +painter of the present age had the first fondness for his art excited by +a perusal of Richardson's treatise.' This drawling definition +contradicts common sense. Does the Doctor mean that Cowley would have +become a painter by perusing Richardson? or that Reynolds would have +become a poet by perusing Spenser? This is the clear inference from his +words, and its absurdity is 'too evident for detection, and too gross +for aggravation[84].' At this rate Garrick might have eclipsed Newton, +and Voltaire defeated Frederick. Plato possessed 'a mind of large +general powers.' He read Homer. He wrote verses, and he found that he +could not be a poet. The Doctor himself has 'large general powers;' but +he could never have been made a decent dancing master. Marcel might have +broke his heart, before his pupil had acquired three steps of a minuet. +In his dictionary the Doctor, without a word of _accidental_ +determination, defines genius to be 'disposition of _nature_, by which +any one is qualified for some peculiar employment.' And here I cannot +help adding, that 'the great painter' has by stepping out of his own +line, discovered the narrowness of even a great man's knowledge. He +affirms[85], That _scarce a poet from Homer down to Dryden ever felt his +fire diminished merely by his advance in years_. There is nothing more +absurd, says Cicero, than what we hear asserted by some of the +philosophers. Even in painting, the President's own profession, that +rule does not hold. Cellini tells us, that Michael Angelo's genius +decayed with years; and he speaks of it as common to all artists. His +notion was perhaps grafted on an opinion of the Doctor's about the +durability of Waller's genius[86]. But Waller was a feeble poet; he +never had a genius, so that we need not wonder he never lost it. All his +verses are hardly worth one of Dr Johnson's imitations of Juvenal. + +Rowe (the famous tragic poet) 'seldom moves either pity or terror[87].' +Paradise Lost is a work which 'the reader admires, and lays down, _and +forgets to take up again_[88],' But Rowe's Lucan, which is very little +read, the Doctor pronounces to be 'one of the _greatest_ productions of +English poetry.' Dr Johnson's sycophants have asserted, that 'in the +walks of criticism and biography he has long been without a rival.' And +they are no doubt willing to support their idol in his infamous +assertion, that Swift 'excites neither surprise nor admiration[89].' The +Doctor's disregard for the unanimous sentiments of mankind often excites +surprize, but never admiration. Let us here apply his own observation, +that 'there is often found in commentaries a spontaneous train of +invective and contempt, more eager and venemous than is vented by the +most furious controvertist in politics, against whom he is hired to +defame[90].' We may illustrate the Rambler's remark by his own example: +'Theobald, a man of narrow comprehension, and small acquisitions, with +no native and intrinsick splendour of genius, with little of the +artificial light of learning--his contemptible ostentation I have +frequently concealed[91].' The definer of a fiddlestick proceeds thus: +'I have in some places shewn him, as he would have shewn himself for the +reader's diversion, that the _inflated_ emptiness of some notes may +justify or excuse the contraction of the rest.'--The advocate for +tenderness and decorum goes on to tell us, that 'Theobald, thus weak and +ignorant, thus _mean_ and FAITHLESS, thus petulant and ostentatious, by +the good luck of having Pope for his enemy, has escaped, and escaped +_alone_ with reputation from this undertaking. So easily is he praised +whom no man can envy[92].' How does it appear that Theobald was weak and +ignorant? The Doctor himself had in the preceding page told us, that 'he +(Theobald) collated the antient copies, and rectified _many_ errors.' +This assertion our author, with his wonted consistency, has flatly +contradicted in the very next line. 'What _little_ he (Theobald) did was +commonly right.' Has the Doctor adduced, or has he attempted to adduce +evidence, that Theobald was _mean_ and _faithless_, or what provocation +has he to load this man's memory with such injurious epithets? His burst +of vulgarity can reflect disgrace on nobody but himself. It is evident, +tho' he thinks proper to deny it, that he considered Theobald as an +object of envy; yet he is obliged to confess that Theobald 'escaped, and +escaped _alone_, with reputation,' from the talk of amending +Shakespeare. In assigning a reason for this applause of Theobald, Dr +Johnson pays a very poor compliment to the penetration of the public, +for surely to combat a writer of so much merit and popularity as Pope, +was not the plainest road to eminence in the literary world. + +'In his (Shakespeare's) tragic scenes there is _always something +wanting_'----NO[93]----'In his comic scenes he is seldom very +successful, when he engages his characters in _reciprocations_ of +smartness, and contests of sarcasms; their ideas are _commonly gross_, +and their pleasantry _licentious_.' This accusation is cruel and unjust, +as all the world knows already. But a great part of that preface is an +incoherent jumble of reproach and panegyrick[94]. If any thing can be +yet more faulty than what we have just now seen, it is what follows: +'Whenever he (Shakespeare) solicits his invention, or strains his +faculties[95], the offspring of his _throes_ is _tumour_ (i. e. _puffy_ +grandeur[96]), _meanness_, _tediousness_, and _obscurity_. His +declamations or set speeches are _commonly cold and weak_.' The _set +speeches_ (as the Doctor elegantly terms them) of Petruchio, of Jacques, +of Wolsey, and of Hamlet, are _perhaps_ neither cold nor weak. The +conclusion of this period is worthy of such a beginning; he mentions +certain attempts from which Shakespeare 'seldom escapes without the pity +or resentment of his reader.' The Doctor himself is an object of pity. +Shakespeare has been in his grave near two centuries--His life was +innocent--His writings are immortal. To feel resentment against so great +a man because his works are not every where equal, is an idea highly +becoming the generosity of Dr Johnson. + +What 'truth, moral or political,' is promoted by telling us, that, when +Thomson came to London, _his first want was a pair of shoes_; that Pope +'wore a kind of fur doublet, under a shirt of very coarse warm linen, +with fine sleeves[97];' and a long string of such tiresome and disgusting +trifles, which make his narrative seem ridiculous. Had Dr Johnson been +Pope's apothecary, we would certainly have heard of the frequency of his +pulse, the colour of his water, and the quantity of his stools. + +'Though Pope seemed angry when a dram was offered him, he did not +forbear to drink it[98].' And who the Devil cares whether he did or not? +The Doctor needed hardly to have told us, that 'his petty peculiarities +were communicated by a female domestic;' for no gentleman would have +confessed that they came within the reach of his observation. + +The _truly illustrious_ author of the RAMBLER, has exerted his venemous +eloquence, _through several pages_, in order to convince us, that 'never +were penury of knowledge and _vulgarity_ of sentiment so happily +disguised,' as in Pope's Essay on Man. For this purpose, the Doctor +celebrates the character of Crousaz, whose intentions 'were _always_ +right, his opinions were solid, and his religion pure[99].' In +opposition to such authorities, let us hear the great and immortal +citizen of Geneva. + +'M. de Crousaz has lately given us a refutation of the ethic epistles of +Mr Pope, which I have read; but it did not please me. I will not take +upon me to say, which of these two authors is in the right; but I am +persuaded, that the book of the former will never excite the reader to +do any one virtuous action, whereas _our zeal for every thing great and +good is awakened by that of_ POPE[100].' + +The Essay on Man, he says, 'affords an egregious instance of the +predominance of genius, the dazzling splendour of imagery, and the +seductive powers of eloquence. The reader feels his mind full, though he +learns NOTHING; and when he meets it in its new array, no longer knows +the talk of his mother, and his nurse[101].' If the conversations of Dr +Johnson's mother and his nurse were equal to Mr Pope's verses, it is a +pity the Doctor had not preserved them. He could hardly have spent his +time so well. And it is a wonder that with so many rare opportunities of +improvement, the Doctor has never yet eclipsed his nurse. Voltaire +pronounces Pope's Essay to be the finest didactick poem in the world, +and he would no doubt have replied to the Doctor's objections in that +tone of contempt with which the Doctor replied to some of his--'These +are the petty cavils of petty minds[102].' + +In the Essay on Man 'so little was any evil tendency discovered, that, +as innocence is unsuspicious, many read it for a manual of +piety[103];'--and will continue to read it, when the cavils of Dr +Johnson are forgotten or despised. + +'He (Pope) nursed in his mind a foolish disesteem of Kings.' And again, +'He gratified that ambitious petulance with which he affected to insult +the great[104].' + +Dr Johnson himself is by no means remarkable for his respect to the +great. In the preface to his folio Dictionary, he tells us, that it was +written 'without any patronage of the _great_,' which is a mistake; for +he had published a pamphlet, some years before, wherein he acknowledges, +that Chesterfield had patronized him; and why the Doctor should retract +his own words, it is hard to say; for Chesterfield continued his friend +to the last; and such a man was very likely _the strongest spoke in the +Doctor's wheel_. But his Lordship is now dead, and the Doctor is always +and eminently _grateful_. + +'It has been maintained by some, _who love to talk of what they do not +know_, that pastoral is the _most antient_ poetry.' But in the next +period, 'pastoral poetry was the _first_ employment of the human +imagination[105].' The Doctor, therefore, by his own account, is one of +those, _who love to talk of_ (and what is yet worse, to assert) _what +they do not know_. In North America, the natives have no conception of +pastoral life among themselves, and their poetry, such as it is, hath no +relation to that state of society. + +Pastoral poetry 'is generally pleasing, because it entertains the mind +with representations of scenes, familiar to _almost every_ imagination, +and of which _all_ can equally judge whether they are well described, or +not[106].' + +This period is so closely interwoven with nonsense, that it will take +some pains to disentangle it. Rural scenes are not familiar to _almost +every_ imagination. In England half the people are shut up in large +towns, and such is the gross ignorance of some of them, that an old +woman in London once asked, _whether potatoes grew on trees_. Neither is +every man an equal judge even of what is familiar to him. Observe how +the Rambler confounds the distinction between _all_, and _almost every_. +The whole number is in the same stile. + +'At this time a long course of opposition to Sir Robert Walpole had +filled the nation with clamours for liberty, of which no man felt the +want, and with care for liberty which was not in danger[107].' + +No man was more violent than Dr Johnson in abusing Walpole. We have +already seen some of those political definitions, which at this hour +deform the Doctor's Dictionary. His late zeal for government could arise +from self interest only. And to take his own words, he comes under +suspicion _as a wretch hired to vindicate the late measures of the +Court_[108]. He accuses Milton as a tool of authority, as a forger hired +to assassinate the memory of Charles I. These charges came with a very +bad grace from the Rambler. They are long since refuted in a separate +publication, and yet they will be reprinted in every future edition of +his book. + +Will any man be the wiser, the better, or the merrier, by reading what +follows--'Lyttleton was his (Shenstone's) neighbour, and his rival, +whose empire, spacious and opulent, looked with disdain on the _petty +state_ that appeared behind it. For a while the inhabitants of Hagley +affected to tell their acquaintance of the _little fellow_ that was +trying to make himself admired; but when by degrees the Leasowes forced +themselves into notice, they took care to defeat the curiosity which +they could not suppress, by conducting their visitants perversely to +inconvenient points of view, and introducing them at the wrong end of a +walk to detect a deception; injuries of which Shenstone would heavily +complain[109].' The paragraph closes with a _deep_ observation. + +As the Doctor's own associates[110] have lamented the existence of this +beautiful and important passage, I have only to say, that _Poor_ +Lyttleton (as the Doctor calls him) patronized Fielding, and that the +Rambler patronizes William Shaw: That his Lordship was an elegant +writer: That he did not adopt Johnson's new words: That _Lexiphanes_ was +dedicated to him: That he was a great and an amiable man: And that he is +_dead_. + +With all his affectation of hard words, the Doctor becomes at once +intelligible when he wishes to reprobate a rival genius, or insult the +ashes of a benefactor. In defiance of Addison, and a thousand other +_shallow fellows_, he asserts that Milton 'both in prose and verse had +formed his stile by a _perverse_ and _pedantick_ principle[111].' + +Speaking of Mr Walmsley, he says, 'At this man's table I enjoyed many +chearful and agreeable hours, with companions such as are not often to +be found.--I am not able to name a man of equal knowledge. He never +received _my_ notions with contempt.--He was one of the first friends +whom literature procured me,--and I hope that at least my _gratitude_ +made me worthy of his notice. It may be doubted whether a day now +passes, in which I have not some advantage from his friendship[112].' +But then, 'He was a WHIG with ALL the virulence and malevolence of _his_ +party.' This is a most beautiful conclusion; and quite in the Doctor's +stile. His accusation is incredible. A monster, such as he draws here, +can seldom deform existence. + +We are told that at St. Andrews Cardinal Beaton 'was murdered by the +ruffians of Reformation[113].' And it seems to be the fashion of the +day, to censure that action. Yet it is allowed on all hands that +Wishart's doctrine, in spite of its _incomprehensibilities_, was better +than Popery--that Beaton, a profligate usurping Priest, had committed +every human vice--that, without civil authority, he dragged our Apostle +to the stake--and that his avowed design was to expell or exterminate +the whole Protestant party. Had the Cardinal been permitted to complete +his plan, we durst not at this day have disputed, 'Whether it is better +to worship a piece of rotten wood[114], or throw it in the fire?' It is +therefore evident that to kill this tyrant was highly proper and +laudable. We may just as well censure the centurion who slew Caligula. +When a philosopher, who truly deserves that title, was once in +conversation reprobating Melvil, he was interrupted by this, simple +question, Whether if his own antagonist had conducted _him_ to the +stake, he would not have pardoned a pupil for avenging his blood? 'I +would most certainly,' he replied, and such must be the real sentiments +of all men, whatever they may chuse to print. When we attempt to hide +the feelings of nature, that we may support a favourite system, we never +fail to become ridiculous. In this age and nation, if a magistrate shall +rise above the law; if he rob us of life with the most barbarous +exulation; if his guilt equal whatever history hath recorded; if he want +nothing but the purple and the legions to rival Domitian, the voice of +nature will be heard. The brave will reject such unmanly, such fatal +refinements of speculation. Like Hambden and Melvil, they will stand +forth in defence of themselves, and their posterity. They will relieve +their fellow citizens from temporal perdition. They will drive insolence +and injustice from the seat of power. They will exult in danger, and +rush to revenge or death. They will plunge their swords in the heart of +their oppressor; or they will teach him, like Charles, to atone upon the +scaffold for the tears and the blood of his people; and while in the +eyes of their countrymen, they read their glory[115], they will perhaps +reflect with a smile, that some slavish pedant, some pensioned traitor +to the rights of mankind, is one day to mark them out as objects of +public detestation[116]. + +'The theatre, when it is under any other direction, is peopled by such +characters as were never seen, conversing in a language which was never +heard, upon topics which will never arise in the commerce of +mankind.--Upon every other stage the universal agent is love, by whose +power all good and evil is distributed, and every action quickened or +retarded. To bring a lover, a lady and a rival into the fable; to +entangle them in contradictory obligations, perplex them with +oppositions of interest, and harrass them with violence of desires +inconsistent with each other; to make them meet in rapture, and part in +agony; to fill their mouths with hyperbolical joy, and outrageous +sorrow; to distress them as nothing human ever was distressed; to +deliver them as nothing human ever was delivered, is the business of a +modern dramatist. For this probability is violated, life is +misrepresented, and language is depraved[117].' The weakest of Dr +Johnson's admirers will blush in reading this passage. He very fairly +denies every degree of merit, to every dramatic writer, of every age or +nation, Shakespeare alone excepted. What can be more ridiculous than +this? + +'Every man finds his mind more strongly seized by the tragedies of +Shakespeare than of any other writer; others please us by particular +speeches, but he always makes us anxious for the event, by exciting +restless and _unquenchable_[118] curiosity, and compelling him that +reads his work to read it through[119].' But the Doctor overthrows all +this within a few pages, for Shakespeare has '_perhaps_ not _one_ play, +which, if it were now exhibited as the work of a cotemporary writer, +_would be heard to the conclusion_[120].' The Rambler cannot always +suppress his thorough contempt for the taste of the public. He no doubt +laughs internally at their folly in admiring him. + + * * * * * + +I proceed to the Doctor's English Dictionary, and shall begin with +quoting the remarks already made by a judicious friend, on this subject. + +'Among the many foibles of the human race, we may justly reckon this to +be one, that when they have once got any thing really useful, they apply +it in all cases, proper or improper, till at last they make it quite +ridiculous. Nothing can possibly be more useful than a just and accurate +_definition_, because by this only we are able to distinguish one thing +from another. It is obvious, however, that _in definitions we ought +always to define a thing less known, by one which is more so, and those +things which are known to every body, neither can be defined, nor ought +we to attempt a definition of them at all; because we must either +explain them by themselves, or by something less known than themselves, +both of which give our definitions the most ridiculous air imaginable_. + +'A certain right reverend gentleman, not many miles from Edinburgh, and +whom, out of my great regard for the cloth, I put in the first place, +gave the following definition of a thief. "A thief," says he, "my +friends, is a man of a _thievish disposition_." Now though this +definition is somewhat imperfect, for a thief also exerts that _thievish +disposition_ which lurks in his breast, I intend to take it for my +model, on account of its great conformity to many of the definitions +given by the most celebrated authors.--I remember to have seen in one of +the Reviews a definition of _Nature_, which began in the following +manner. "Nature is that _innate_ celestial fire."--The rest has in truth +escaped my memory, though I remember the Reviewers indecently compared +it to the following lines, which they say were a description of a +dog-fish. + + 'And his evacuations + Were made _a parte post_. + _A parte post!_ these words so hard + In Latin though I speak 'em, + Their meaning in plain English is, + He made pure _Album Græcum_. + +'This definition rather goes a step beyond that of the clergyman, as it +explains the words _a parte post_ by _Album Græcum_, which are more +obscure than the former, and neither of which, out of my great regard to +decency, I choose to translate.--Whether Dr Johnson composed his +dictionary, after hearing the above-mentioned clergyman's sermon, or +not, I cannot tell, but he seems very much to have taken him for his +model, even though the said clergyman was a Presbyterian, and Dr Johnson +has an aversion at Presbyterians. Thus, when he tells us, that _short_ +is _not long_, and that _long_ is _not short_, he certainly might as +well have told us that a thief is a man of a thievish disposition. I am +surprised indeed how the intellects of a human creature could be +obscured by pedantry, and the love of words, to such a degree, as to +insert this distinction in a book, pretended to be written for the +instruction and benefit of society. Much more am I surprised how the +authors of all dictionaries of the English language have followed the +same ridiculous plan, as if they had positively intended to make their +books as little valuable as possible. Nay, I am almost tempted to think, +that the readers have a natural inclination to peruse nonsense, and +cannot be satisfied without a considerable quantity of that ingredient +in every book which falls into their hands. _Long_ and _short_ are terms +merely relative, and which every body knows; to explain them therefore +by one another, is to explain them by themselves. But besides this +ridiculous way of explaining a thing by itself, pedants, of whom we may +justly reckon Dr Johnson the Prince, have fallen upon a most ingenious +method of explaining the English by the _Latin_, or some other language +still further beyond the reach of vulgar ken. Thus, when Dr Johnson +defines _fire_, he tells us it is the _igneous element_. _To water_ (the +verb) he tells us, is to _irrigate_, by which no doubt we are greatly +edified. _To do_ is to _practise_, and _to practise_ is _to do_, &c. + +'But the most curious kind of definitions are these oenigmatical ones +of our author, by which he industriously prevents the reader from +knowing the meaning of the words he explains. Thus, the _hair_ he tells +us is one of the common _teguments_ of the body; but this will not +distinguish it from the skin, and shews the extreme poverty of judgment +under which the Doctor laboured, when he could not point out the +distinguishing mark between the hair and skin. A dog is "a domestic +animal remarkably various in his species," but this does not +distinguish him, except to natural historians, from a cow, a sheep, or +a hog; for of these there are also different _breeds_ or species. A cat +is "a domestic animal that catches mice;" but this may be said of an +owl, or a dog; for a dog will catch mice if he sees them, though he does +not watch for them as a cat does. Nay, if we happen to overlook the word +_animal_, or not to understand it, we may mistake the cat for a +mouse-trap. The earth, according to our learned author, is "the element +distinct from fire, air, or water;" but this may be light or electricity +as well as earth.--Air is "the element encompassing the terraqueous +globe;" but an unlearned reader would be very apt to mistake this for +the ocean, &c. + +'When the Doctor comes to his _learned_ definitions, he outdoes, if +possible, his oenigmatical ones. Network is "any thing _reticulated_ +or _decussated_ at equal distances." A nose is "the prominence on the +face which is the organ of scent, and the emunctory of the brain."--The +heart is "the muscle which by its contraction and dilatation propells +the blood through the course of circulation, and is therefore considered +as the source of vital motion."--Now let any person consider for whom +such strange definitions can possibly be intended. To give instruction +to the ignorant they certainly are not designed; neither can they give +satisfaction to the learned, because they are not accurate. The nose, +for instance, he says is the emunctory of the brain; but every anatomist +knows that it performs no such office, neither hath the nose any +communication with the brain, but by means of its nerves.--Yet this +dictionary is reckoned the best English one extant. What then must the +rest be; or what shall we think of those who mistake a book, stuffed +with such stupid assemblages of words, for a _learned_ composition? +Definitions undoubtedly are necessary, but not such as give us no +information, or lead us astray. Neither can any thing shew the +sagacity, or strength of judgment, which a man possesses, more clearly +than his being able to define exactly what he speaks about; while such +blundering descriptions as these, above quoted, shew nothing but the +Doctor's insignificance[121].' + +That the courteous reader may be qualified to judge for himself, I shall +now insert a variety of quotations from this wonderful, amazing, +admirable, astonishing, incomparable, immortal, and inimitable book. Too +much cannot be said in its praise. I shall however let it speak for +itself. Every page, indeed, is so pregnant with superexcellent beauties, +that in selecting them, the critic's situation resembles that of the +schoolman's ass between two bundles of hay; his only difficulty is where +to begin. The pious husband of Bathsheba had asked 'What is MAN?' But +let it be told in Rome, and published in the streets of Paris, to the +honour of the English nation, that her greatest philosopher has received +300l. a-year for informing us that-- + +MAN is a 'Human being. 2. Not a woman. 3. Not a boy. 4. _Not a beast._' +Woman. 'The female of the human race.' Boy. '1. A male child; not a +girl. 2. One in the state of _adolescence_.' Girl. 'A young woman or +child.' (_Female_ child he should have said.) Damsel. 'A young +gentlewoman; a wench; a country lass.' Lass. 'A girl; a maid; A young +woman.' Wench. '1. A young woman. 2. A young woman in contempt. 3. A +strumpet.' Strumpet. 'A whore, a prostitute.' Whore. '1. A woman who +converses unlawfully with men; a fornicatress; an adultress; a strumpet. +2. a prostitute; a woman who receives men for money.' To whore, _v. n._ +(from the noun) 'To converse unlawfully with the other sex.' To whore, +_v. a._ 'To corrupt with regard to chastity.' Whoredom, _s._ (from +whore) 'Fornication.' (Here follow several other definitions on the +same pure subject, which every body understands as well as Dr Johnson.) +Young. 'Being in the first part of life. _Not old._' Youngster, younker. +'A young person.' (I pass by _ten_ other articles, about _youthful_ +compounded of _youth_ and _full_, &c. &c. because young people are in no +danger of thinking themselves old.) Yuck, _s._ (_jocken_, Dutch.) +'Itch,' Old. 'Past the middle part of life; _not young_; not new; +ancient; not modern. OF OLD. Long ago; from ancient times.' Hum, interj. +'A sound implying doubt and deliberation, _Shakespeare_.' Fiddlefaddle, +_s._ (a cant word) 'Trifles.' Fiddlefaddle, _a._ 'Trifling; giving +trouble.' + + (----His own example strengthens all his laws, + Sam is himself the true sublime he draws.) + +Fiddler, _s._ (from _fiddle_) 'A musician, one that plays upon a +fiddle.' Here follow fiddlestick, compounded of fiddle and stick, and +warranted an English word by Hudibras; and Fiddle-string, _s._ (Fiddle +and string) 'the string of a fiddle. _Arbuthnot._' Sheep's eye. '_A +modest and diffident look, such as lovers cast at their mistresses._' +Love. 'Lewdness.' And _thirteen_ other explanations. _Lovemonger._ 'One +who deals in affairs love.' (Besides about twenty other articles +concerning this subject of equal obscurity and importance.) Sweetheart. +'A lover or mistress.' Mistress. 'A woman beloved and courted; a whore, +a concubine.' Wife. 'A woman that has a husband.' A Runner. 'One who +runs.' Husband. 'The _correlative_ to wife.' Shrew. '_A peevish, +malignant, clamorous, spiteful, vexatious, turbulent woman._' Scold. '_A +clamorous, rude, mean, low, foul mouthed woman._' Henpecked, _a._ (_hen_ +and _pecked_) 'Governed by the wife.' Strap. 'A narrow long slip of +cloth or _leather_.' Whip. 'An instrument of correction _tough_ and +_pliant_.' Cuckingstool, _s._ 'An engine invented for the punishment of +scolds and _unquiet_ women.' Cuckoldom. 'The state of a cuckold.' +(Cuckold, _s._ Cuckold, _v. a._ Cuckoldy, _a._ and Cuckoldmaker, _s._ +(compounded of _cuckold_, and _maker_) I leave out, as the reader is, +perhaps, already initiated in the mysteries of that subject.) Arse, _s._ +'The buttocks' To hang an arse. 'To be tardy, sluggish' Buttock. 'The +rump, the part near the _tail_' Rump. '1. The end of the backbone. 2. +The buttocks.' Thimble. 'A metal cover by which women (yea and _taylors_ +too Doctor) secure their fingers from the needle.' Needle. 'A small +instrument pointed at one end to pierce cloth, and _perforated_ at the +other to receive the thread.' Gunpowder. '_The powder put into guns to +be fired._' Maidenhead. Maidenhode. Maidenhood. 'Virginity, virgin +purity, freedom from contamination.' Oh, _interj_ 'An exclamation +denoting pain, sorrow, or surprise.' Hope '_That which gives_ HOPE. _The +object of_ HOPE.' Fear. '1. Dread; horror; apprehension of danger. 2. +Awe; dejection of mind. 3. Anxiety, solicitude,' &c. Impatience. 'Heat +of passion; _inability_ to suffer delay, eagerness.' Virgin. '_A woman +not a mother._' Virginity. 'Maidenhead; unacquaintance with man.' Fart. +'Wind from behind. _Suckling_' To fart. 'To break wind behind. _Swift._' +Marriage. 'The act of uniting a man and woman for life.' Repentance. +'Sorrow for any thing past.' Kiss. 'Salute given by joining lips.' +Kisser. 'One that Kisses.' To piss, _v. n._ 'To make water. +_L'Estrange._' Piss _s._ (from the verb) 'Urine; animal water. _Pope._' +Pissburnt, _a._ 'Stained with urine.' Pedant. 'A man vain of _low_ +knowledge.' + +Of these extracts, I suppose opinion is uniform. Every man who reads +them, reads them with contempt. To tell us that a _man_ is not a +_beast_, seems to be an insult, rather than a definition. To say, that +_young_ is _not old_, and, that _old_ is _not young, of old_, &c. is to +say nothing at all. There is a medium; there is a state between these +periods of life. And his definitions convey no meaning; for a man may be +_not old_ tho' he is _not young_. Many articles, such as whoring, +whoremaster, whoremonger, whorishly, &c. are as indecent, as they are +impertinent, and seem only designed to divert school boys. Hum, Yuck, +Fiddle, Fiddler, Fiddlefaddle, _s._ Fiddlefaddle, _a._ Fiddlestick, +Fiddlestring, Thimble, Needle, Gunpowder, Hope, O, and O--and Oh, and +twenty-eight or thirty explanations of the particle _on_, are left +without remark to the reader's penetration. Some are well enough +acquainted with a _maidenhead_, and such as are not, will be no wiser by +reading Dr Johnson: For he says, That it is _virginity_, and that again +is explained (like more than half the words in his book) by the word it +explains. Neither can a _maidenhead_ ensure freedom from _pollution_; +for a girl may be polluted, without losing her _maidenhead_; and on the +other hand, the Doctor dare not say that a _married_ woman is, for that +reason, _polluted_. Love, he calls _lewdness_, and he may as well say, +that _light_ is _darkness_. His admirers will answer, that he also gives +the right meaning; but let them tell, why he gave any besides the right +meaning, and why he collected such a load of blunders into his book. Or +since he did collect them, why he did not mark them down as wrong. For +in the preface to his octavo, he tells us, that it is written for +'explaining terms of science.' But to select twenty barbarous +misapplications of a word, is not explaining the word, but only +_confusion worse confounded_. Indeed that whole preface is a piece of +the most profound nonsense, which ever insulted the common sense of the +world. A virgin, is _a woman not a mother_. But many wives, and many +concubines too, have never propagated the species, though they had (as +Othello says) a thousand times committed the act of shame. From this +literary chaos, a foreigner would be apt to imagine that _they_ were +_virgins_. + +Corking pin. 'A pin of the largest size.' Bum. '_The part upon which we +sit._' Butter. 'An _unctuous_ substance.' Buttertooth. '_The_ great +broad foretooth.' Off. prep. '_Not on._' Potato. 'An _esculent_ root.' +Turnip. 'A white _esculent_ root.' Parsley, 'A plant.' Parsnep. 'A +plant.' Colliflower. '_Cauliflower._' Cauliflower. 'A species of +_cabbage_.' Cabbage. 'A plant.' Pit. 'A hole in the ground.' Pin. 'A +short wire, with a sharp point, and round head, used by women to fasten +their cloaths.' Plate. 'A small shallow vessel of metal (or of stone or +wood Doctor) on which meat is eaten.' Play. '_Not work._' Poker. 'The +iron bar with which _men_ stir the fire.' Pork. 'Swine's flesh +_unsalted_.' (Here you may find _Porker_, _Porkeater_, _Porket_, +_Porkling_, with all their derivations, definitions, and authorities.) +Porridge. 'Food made by boiling meat in water.' Porridge-pot, +(_porridge_ and _pot_) 'The pot in which meat is boiled for a family.' +Porringer, (from _porridge_) 'a vessel in which broth is eaten.' Part. +'_Some thing less than the whole._' And _thirteen_ other +_ramifications_. Pulse. '_Oscillation_; _vibration_.' Puff. 'A quick +blast with the mouth.' Vid. in same page, Pudding, _s._ from the +_Swedish_, (which is a mistake, for it is from the French _boudin_) +_Pudding Pie_, from _Pudding_ and _Pie_, and _Pudding-time_, from +_Pudding_ and _time_. Puddle, _s._ Puddle, _v. a._ & Puddly, &c. Shadow. +'_Opacity_, darkness, _Shade._' Shade. 'The cloud or _opacity_ made by +interception of the light.' Darkness. 'Obscurity. _Umbrage._' Shadiness, +'The state of being _shady_; _umbrageousness_.' Shady. 'Full of _shade_; +MILDLY _gloomy_.' + + (No light, but rather darkness visible.) + +Sevenscore. 'Seven times twenty.' Shadowy. 'Dark, _opake_.' To yawn. 'To +gape, to _oscitate_,' Yawn, _s._ '_Oscitation_, HIATUS.' Yea. 'Yes.' +Yes, 'A term of affirmation, the affirmative particle opposed to _no_.' +See also in the same place, Yest. Year. (12 months) Yesterday, _s._ The +day last past, the next day before to-day. Yesterday, _ad._ Yesternight, +_s._ Yesternight, _ad._ Yet, _con._ Yet, _ad._ Nine times explained. +Vent. 'A small _aperture_; a hole; a _spiracle_.' Wind. 'A _flowing_ +wave of air; _flatulence_; windiness.' Winker. 'One who winks.' To +wink. 'To shut the eyes.' + + (No, Sir, unless you open them again directly.) + +Window. 'An _aperture_ in a building by which air and light are +_intromitted_.' _N. B._ Almost the whole of the same page is daubed over +with such jargon. Said. 'Aforesaid.' Scoundrel. 'A mean rascal; a low +petty villain.' Rascal. 'A mean fellow; a scoundrel.' Villain. 'A wicked +wretch.' Wretch. 'A miserable mortal.' No, _ad._ 'The word of refusal. +2. The word of denial.' No, _a._ '1. Not any; NONE. 2. _No one_; NONE: +_not any one_.' (Had this word _none_ altered its meaning, before the +Doctor got to the end of the line?) Nobody. (_No_ and _body_) 'No one; +not any one.' (See also Nod, _v. a._ Nod, _s._ Nodder. Noddle. Noddy, +&c.) None. '1. Not one. 2. Not any. 3. Not other.' Nothing. '_Negation_ +of being; not any thing,' and _seventeen_ other definitions. Afore. (_a_ +and _fore_) '_before_, nearer in place to any thing.' + +'There is a certain line, beyond which, if ridicule attempts to go, it +becomes itself ridiculous, and there is a sphere of criticism in that +particular region, in which, if the critic plays his batteries on too +_contemptible_ objects, he must unavoidably depart from his proper +dignity, and must himself be an object of the raillery he would +convey[122].' + + +HEAR THE DOCTOR ON MUSIC. + +Music. '1. The science of _harmonical_ sounds. 2. Instrumental, or vocal +_harmony_.' Harmony. 'Just proportion of sound.' Melody. 'Music; +_harmony_ of sound.' Tune. '_Tune_ is a diversity of notes put +together.' _Locke_, _Milton_, _Dryden_. Tenour, _s._ 'A _sound_ in +music.' + +One requires little skill in music to see that the Doctor knows nothing +of that science. He confounds _melody_ with _harmony_; the one +consisting in a succession of agreeable sounds, and the other arising +from coexisting sounds. His account of a _tune_ is curious. And we may +say in his own stile, that his dictionary is 'a diversity of _words_ put +together.' His numerous omissions on this head will neither afflict, nor +surprise us; but we must be mortified and amazed to reflect on the +partial and injurious distribution of fame. For his book exhibits in +every page, perhaps without a single exception, a variety of errors and +absurdities. They are clear to the darkest ignorance. They are level to +the lowest understanding, and yet our language is exhausted in praise of +_their_ author. _Pronis animis audiendum!_ + +Poem. 'The work of a poet; a _metrical_ composition.' Poet. 'An +inventor; an author of fiction; a writer of poems; one who writes in +measure.' Poetess. 'A _she_ poet.' Poetry. '_Metrical_ composition; the +art or practice of writing poems. 2. Poems, poetical pieces.' _To +circumscribe poetry by a_ DEFINITION _will only shew the narrowness of +the definer_[123]. Tragedy. 'A dramatic representation of a _serious_ +action.' Comedy. 'A dramatic representation of the _lighter faults_ of +mankind.' Eclogue. 'A pastoral poem, so called, because Virgil called +his pastorals eclogues.' Tragic-comedy. 'A drama compounded of _merry_ +and _serious_ events.' Farce. 'A dramatic representation written +_without_ regularity.' Elegy. '1. A mournful song. 2. A funeral song. 3. +A short poem, without points or turns.' Idyl. 'A small short poem.' +Epigram. 'A short poem terminating in a _point_.' Epic, _a._ 'Narrative; +comprising narrations, not acted, but rehearsed. It is usually supposed +to be heroic.' Epistle. 'A letter;' and a letter again is 'an epistle.' +Ode. 'A poem written to be _sung_ to music; a lyric poem.' Ballad. 'A +song.' Song. 'A poem to be _modulated_ by the voice.' Catch. 'A song +sung in _succession_.' + +I believe that Dr Johnson has written better verses than any man now +alive in England. He is said to be the first critic in that country, +and therefore we had the highest reason to expect elegant entertainment +and philosophical instruction, when the poet and critic was to speak in +his own character. + +But here, as in the rest of this work, the native vigour of his mind +seems entirely to leave him. We look around us in vain for the well +known hand of the Rambler, for the sensible and feeling historian of +Savage, the caustic and elegant imitator of Juvenal, the man of +learning, and taste, and genius. The reader's eye is repelled from the +Doctor's pages, by their hopeless sterility, and their horrid nakedness. + +Most of the definitions in this work may be divided into three classes; +the erroneous, oenigmatical, and superfluous. And of the nineteen last +quoted, every one comes under some, or all of these heads. + +A poem is said to be the work of a _poet_: And so were Dryden's +prefaces. Again it is _a metrical composition_. No age had ever a +greater profusion of rhimes than the present. In Oxford there are two +thousand persons all of whom can occasionally make verses. Yet in this +abundance of _metrical composition_, we have very few poems. + +A poet is--1. '_An inventor_,' but so was Tubal Cain. 2. '_An author of +fiction_,' but so was Des Cartes. 3. '_A writer of poems_;' but as he +has not been able to point out what a poem is, the definition goes for +nothing. 4. 'One who writes _in measure_.' But in Cowley's life, the +Doctor himself speaks of men, who thought they were writing _poetry_, +when they were only writing _verses_. We are still exactly where we set +out. + +The third definition is superfluous, and the fourth is very clumsy. The +fifth and sixth are still worse, for comedy[124] is frequently very +_serious_ and tender, as well as tragedy; and that again represents the +_lighter_ faults of mankind, as well as comedy. By the way, what are +these _lighter_ faults, which our comedy is said to represent. In our +comic scenes, adultery, and profaneness, appear to be the chief pulse +of merriment. What the Doctor says of a farce is not true, nor is elegy +_always_ mournful[125]. What can he mean by a poem without points or +turns? An Idyll is a small short poem. An Epigram is a _short_ poem; but +so is an Epitaph, or a Sonnet, and often an Ode, a Fable, &c. An Epigram +terminates in a _point_. Wonderful! Of the rest of these definitions, +the reader will determine whether they be not every one of them pitiful; +and if it was possible for the Doctor, or any other man, to convey +_less_ information, on so plain a subject. + +'In comparing this with other dictionaries of the same kind, it will be +found that the senses of each word are more _copiously_ enumerated, and +more _clearly_ explained[126].' + +Of his _clear_ and _copious_ explanations, here is an additional +specimen. + +Beast. 'An animal distinguished from birds, insects, fishes, and man.' +It is also distinguished from _reptiles_, though the Doctor cannot tell +us _how_. A Reptile is (but sometimes only) '_An animal that creeps upon +many feet_.' A Snail is 'A slimy animal that creeps upon plants.' Many +animals creep on plants besides a Snail. He dare not venture to say that +a Snail is _a Reptile_, for he had said that a Reptile creeps upon many +feet, and a Snail has none. Locke is quoted to prove that a _Bird_ is a +_fowl_, and we are edified by hearing that a _fowl_ is a '_bird_, or a +_winged_ animal.' But this may be the butterfly, the bat, or the flying +fish. He should have said a _feathered_ animal. We are informed from +Creech and Shakespeare, that a fish is _an animal that inhabits the +water_. But besides amphibious animals, from the crocodile down to the +water-mouse, we have seen _Erucæ Aquaticæ_, or Water Caterpillars, which +are truly aquatic animals, yet are perfectly different from all fish. +Insects are 'so called from a separation in the middle of their bodies, +whereby they they are cut into two parts, which are joined together by a +small ligature, as we see in common flies.' + +_Quere._ How many insects answer this description? + +Dr. Johnson had certainly no great occasion to quote Peacham and Swift +before he durst tell us, (as he does) that a _Lily_ is a _flower_, and +_Posteriors_ the _hinder_ parts. He forgot to introduce the Dean when +affirming, that a T----d is _excrement_; but both Pope and Swift (among +others) are cited for P--ss and F--t. + +His learning and his ignorance amaze us in every page. Pox are, '1. +_Pustules_; _efflorescencies_; _exanthematous_ eruptions. 2. The +venereal disease.' A particular species of it _only_. The first part of +this _clear_ explanation would puzzle every old woman in England, though +most of them know more of small pox than the Rambler himself. + +Day. '1. The time between the rising and the setting of the sun, called +the _artificial_ day. 2. The time from noon to noon, called the +_natural_ day.' Natural. 'What is produced by nature,' therefore as the +day from sunrise to sunset is 'produced by nature,' _that_, and that +only, must be the _natural_ day. Artificial. 'Made by _art_, not +natural, fictitious, not genuine.' The day from noon to noon is +certainly _not_ natural, and of consequence, _that_, and that only, must +be the _artificial_ day. + +Night is, '1. The time of darkness. 2. The time between sunset, and +sunrise.' When the Doctor acquires the first elements of geography, he +will learn, that in no climate of the world is the time between sunset +and sunrise all of it a time of _darkness_. Even at the equator, night +does not succeed till half an hour after sunset. If he has ever seen the +sun rise here, he must also have seen that we have always day light long +before the sun appears. In June our nights are never entirely dark. +Neither is _night_, when it really comes on, constantly the 'time of +darkness,' for the Doctor may frequently see to read his own mistakes by +moonshine. Of this profound period, the first part contradicts the +second, and every body sees the absurdity of both. What are we to think +of such a definer of 'scientific terms,' when his errors have not even +the negative merit of consistency. + +Snowbroth, _s._ (_snow_ and _broth_) 'very cold liquor.' And Shakespeare +is quoted; but when the poet said[127] that the blood of an old courtier +was as cold as _Snowbroth_, he meant _melted snow_. Now it is somewhat +odd that every body can see Shakespeare's idea exactly, except this +learned commentator. Lion. 'The fiercest and most magnanimous of +four-footed beasts.' But fierceness cannot consist with +magnanimity[128]. Other animals exceed the Lion in fierceness; and a +Horse, an Elephant, or a Dog, equal his magnanimity. This definition +contains nothing but a glaring contradiction, of which neither end is +true! Thunder 'Thunder is a most _bright flame_ rising on a sudden, +moving with great violence, and with a very _rapid_ velocity, through +the air, _according_ to any determination, and commonly ending with a +loud noise or rattling.' _Shakespeare._ _Milton._ + +It is needless to say that the learned and ingenious Pensioner has +confounded thunder with lightning. The inelegance and tautology of this +definition I pass by; but why should he profane the names of Milton and +Shakespeare to support such monstrous nonsense? + +Stone. 'Stones are bodies insipid, hard, not _ductile_ or _malleable_, +nor _soluble_ in water.' This definition answers wood, or glass, or the +bones of an animal. One. 'Less than two; single; denoted by an unit.' +_Raleigh._ + +Without consulting Raleigh, we know that a man may have 'less than +_two_' guineas in his pocket, and yet have more than _one_. But still we +are not sure, that he has even a single farthing. One is _single_, but +we are only where we started, for _single_ (_more Lexiphanico_) is +'_one_, not double; not more than one.' The matter is little mended, +when he subjoins that one is _that which is expressed by an unit_, for +this may be the numerator of _any_ fraction. Take his book to pieces, +put it into the scales of common sense, and see how it kicks the beam. + +A circle is, '1. A line continued till it ends where it began. 2. The +space inclosed in a _circular_ line. 3. A round body, an orb.' + +The first of these definitions does not distinguish a circle from a +triangle, or any other plain figure. He might have found a circle +properly defined in Euclid, and a hundred other books. What are we to +think of the rest of his mathematical definitions? Well, but he clears +up this point, for a circle is 'the _space inclosed_ in a _circular_ +line,' The third definition is no less erroneous than the second, for if +a man were to mention the circle of the earth, we could not suspect that +he meant the globe itself. + +Botany and the electrical fluid, are not inserted. Electricity he terms +_a property_ in bodies. From this expression, and from all he says on +the subject, we can ascertain his ignorance of that most curious and +important branch of natural philosophy. _Electricity_ in general +signifies 'the operations of a very subtile fluid, commonly invisible, +but sometimes the object of our sight and other senses. It is one of the +chief agents employed in producing the phænomena of nature.' Its +identity with lightning was discovered in 1752, three years before the +publication of Dr. Johnson's folio dictionary. For the author then to +talk of it as 'a _peculiar_ property, supposed once to belong chiefly to +amber,' is shameful. It shews us the depth of his learning, and the +degree of attention which he thought proper to bestow on his _great_ +work. + +Elasticity. 'Force in bodies, by which they endeavour to _restore_ +themselves.' To what? To their former figure, after some external +pressure? And without adding some words like these the definition +conveys no meaning. + +Of Water, we get a very long winded account, which neither Dr. Johnson +nor any body else can comprehend, for he sinks into mere jargon. Canst +thou conceive (gentle reader) what are 'small, _smooth_, hard, _porous_, +spherical particles' of water! _Water_, says Newton, 'is a fluid +tasteless salt, which nature changes by heat, into vapour, and by cold +into ice, which is a hard fusible brittle stone, and this stone returns +into water by heat[129].' Boerhaave calls water, 'a kind of glass that +melts at a heat any thing greater than 32 degrees of Farenheit's +thermometer. The boundary between water and ice[130].' + +Claw. 'The _foot_ of a beast or bird armed with sharp nails.' Nail. 'The +talons of birds or beasts.' Talon. 'The claw of a bird of prey.' _Dict. +4th edit._ + +Here a _nail_ is _talons_; Talons are a _claw_; and a claw is said to be +a _foot_ (alias a _nail_) armed with _nails_. The quotations are literal +and complete. The words are all plain English. And if you cannot +comprehend _a nail armed with nails_, wait upon Dr. Johnson, and perhaps +he will explain it. + +Legion. 'A body of Roman soldiers, consisting of about _five_ thousand.' + +This is not accurate. The number of men in a Roman legion rose by +degrees from about 3200 to about 7000. + +Decemvirate. 'The dignity and office of the _ten_ governors of Rome.' +Tribune. 'An officer of Rome chosen by the people.' Censor. 'An officer +of Rome, who had the power of correcting manners.' Consul. 'The chief +magistrate in the Roman republic.' + +Wherein did the Decemviri differ from the King, the Consul, the +Dictator, the Triumvir, the Military Tribune, the Cæsar, and the +Emperor, for all these were likewise 'Governors of Rome?' The Decemviri +were also an inferior set of men appointed to take care of the Sybil's +books, to conduct colonies, &c. So that this definition is very +incompleat. A Tribune was 'chosen by the people.' But this does not +distinguish him from many other magistrates. The Censor had 'the power +of correcting manners;' but he had other powers beside that, and every +magistrate had that power as well as he, though it was a province more +peculiarly his. The Censor is an officer still known in Venice, and in +countries where the liberty and abuse of the press are unknown, the +licensers of books are called Censors, though the Doctor does not give +us these two explanations of the word. A Consul is 'the chief magistrate +in the Roman republic.' He was a magistrate long after the republic was +dissolved; for Caligula made his horse a Consul! But tho' the Consul was +commonly _one_ of the chief magistrates in Rome, he was never the +_chief_, as the Doctor roundly expresses it, for he had always a +colleague. The Censor was at least his equal, and the Dictator was by +law his superior. What we learn of the Centurion, the Triumvir, and the +Lictor, is very trifling. Innumerable words which puzzle the plain +reader of a Roman historian are wanting, such as an Ædile, a Prætor, a +Quæstor, a Cæsar, a Military Tribune, the Hastati, Principes, Triarii, +Velites, the Labarum, or Imperial Standard, the Balistæ, the Balearians, +&c. A _Maniple_ is 'a small band of soldiers.' And a Cohort is 'a troop +of soldiers, containing about 500 foot.' A Cohort was in general the +tenth part of the foot in a Roman Legion, consequently their number +varied, and the Prætorian Cohort, or that to which the standard was +intrusted, contained, at least in latter ages, many more men than any of +the rest. But in the very page where this concise author thus blunders +about a Cohort, he takes care to tell us, that _Coition_, is +_copulation_; _the act of generation_. That cold is '_not hot_, not +warm, chill, having sense of cold, having cold qualities.' That _coldly_ +is '_without heat_.' that coldness is '_want of heat_;' and a heap of +similar jargon. Blot. 'A blur.' Blur. 'A blot.' + +The Doctor's admirers will answer, that in so large a work there was no +room for full definitions. I reply, that his account of Whipgrafting, of +Will-with-a-Wisp, of a Wood-louse, and of the Stool of Repentance, are +very full; that if he was to say no more of a Roman Consul, he should +have said nothing at all; but that there are other books of the same +kind, and of half the price too, which find room for copious and useful +definitions. Pardon's dictionary is not much less than the Doctor's +octavo, though its price is only six shillings; (7th edition) and of +many useful articles, such as the Roman Legion, there is a very clear +and full explanation. Besides which, it contains a description of the +counties, the cities, and the market towns in England; and in the end of +the book there is inserted a list of near 7000 proper names, none of +which are to be found in the Doctor's dictionary. With what then has Dr. +Johnson filled his book? With words of his own coining, with roots, and +authorities often ridiculous, and always useless; or with definitions +impertinent and erroneous. A Bashaw he calls 'the viceroy of a +province;' and he might as well have said that every man in England is +six feet high. A Condoler is 'one who _compliments_ another upon his +misfortunes.' + +From the Rambler's _accurate_ and _profound_ knowledge of anatomy, we +must form very high expectations as to his knowledge of medicine, and we +are not disappointed; for ARTHRITIS is 'the Gout' and the GOUT is +'Arthritis; a _periodical_ disease attended with great pain.' The first +part of this definition is not true; and the second will not distinguish +the Gout from the Gravel, the Tooth-ach, &c. &c. GRAVEL is 'sandy matter +concreted in the kidneys,' and as often in the bladder too. His account +of a Gonnorhoea is no less incomplete. A _Headach_ is 'a pain in the +head.' _Jaundice_ is 'a distemper from obstructions of the glands of the +liver, which prevent the gall being duly separated from the blood.' The +Doctor seems to have borrowed his system of anatomy from the antients; +for the moderns have discovered that the liver (which he ingeniously +calls 'one of the entrails') is itself an indivisible gland. The +Jaundice arises from an obstruction in the biliary ducts. Tympany is 'a +kind of obstructed _flatulence_, that swells the body like a drum.' +_Flatulence_ is not inserted; but Flatulency is said to be 'windiness; +fulness of wind.' And what does he mean by an obstructed fullness of +wind, or by his elegant simile of a drum? His descriptions of the +Rickets, Rupture, Rheumatism, Scrophula, Dropsy, Scurvy, &c. are equally +perspicuous and perfect. The Doctor had no great occasion to attest, +that '_the_ English dictionary was written with little assistance of the +_learned_[131].' For in almost every department of learning, from +astronomy down to the first principles of grammar, his ignorance seems +amazing. His book is a mass of words without ideas. Through the whole +there runs a radical corruption of truth and common sense. It is most +astonishing that the _Idler_ has hardly ever been attacked in this +quarter by any of his innumerable invidious and inveterate enemies. + +I anticipate the answer of his admirers, viz. That 'the _nature_ of his +work did not admit of a copious explanation for every word.' But let +them first tell why he gave such a strange jumble of quotations, to +support a word of which he himself knows not the meaning, and are we to +be told that the _nature_ of _any_ work whatever, can entitle its author +to write nonsense, or to write on a subject of which he knows nothing. +Indeed the Doctor himself has repeatedly declared, that his book is +deformed by a profusion of errors, and those who decline to credit my +assertion, ought, PERHAPS, to credit _his own_. He says, 'I cannot hope, +in the warmest moments to preserve so much caution through so long a +work, as not OFTEN _to sink into negligence_, or to obtain so much +knowledge of all its parts as not FREQUENTLY _to fail by ignorance_. I +expect that sometimes the desire of accuracy will urge me to +superfluities, and sometimes the fear of prolixity betray me to +_omissions_; that in the extent of such variety, I shall be OFTEN +_bewildered_, and in the mazes of such _intricacy_[132], be _frequently +entangled_, &c.[133]' Here is a beautiful confession, which he +afterwards recants: for 'despondency has never so far prevailed, as to +depress me to _negligence_,' &c.[134] But his recantation is in effect +immediately _re-recanted_, and we are informed, 'That a few _wild +blunders_, and RISIBLE _absurdities_, from which no work of such +multiplicity was ever free, _may_ for a time furnish folly with +laughter, and harden ignorance into contempt[135].' That this distrust +of his own merit did not arise from want of pride or vanity we discover +within a few lines: For 'in this work' (_the_ English dictionary, as its +author modestly terms it) 'when it shall be found that _much is +omitted_, let it not be forgotten that _much_ likewise _is performed_. +If our language is not here fully displayed, I have only failed in an +attempt, which no human powers have hitherto completed.--I may surely be +contented without the praise of perfection, which _if_ I could obtain, +in this gloom of solitude' (_London_, or its neighbourhood) 'what would +it avail me[136]?' And again, 'I have devoted this book, the labour of +years, to the honour of my country[137].' _Item._ 'I cannot but have +some degree of parental fondness.' But after all this parental fondness, +this zeal for the honour of his country, the Doctor's extraordinary +preface concludes in perhaps the most extraordinary language that ever +flowed from an author's pen. 'Success and miscarriage are _empty +sounds_, I therefore dismiss it' (his dictionary) 'with frigid +tranquillity, having little to fear or _hope_ from censure, or from +praise.' All this is surely despicable. The booksellers had paid their +workman on the nail, or the Doctor would have had something to hope and +fear. But an honest and sensible tradesman, though paid before-hand, +will always wish and endeavour to please his employers. From this +writer's own words, it would appear that he is incapable of a sentiment +so generous. + +Bawd 'A Procurer, or Procuress.' To bawd, _v. n._ 'To procure.' Bawdily +(from _bawdy_) 'obscenely.' Bawdiness (from _bawdy_) 'obsceneness.' +Bawdry, _s._ '1. A wicked practise of procuring and bringing whores and +_rogues_ together. 2. Obscenity.' Bawdy, _a._ (from _bawdy_) 'Obscene, +unchaste.' Bawdyhouse. 'A house where traffic is made by wickedness and +debauchery.' Baggage. 'A worthless woman.' Bitch. '1. The female of the +_canine_ kind. 2. A name of reproach for a woman.' Blackguard[138]. 'A +dirty fellow.' Block. 'A Blockhead.' Blockhead. 'A stupid fellow; a +dolt; a man without parts,' Blunderer. 'A blockhead.' Blockhead 'A +stupid fellow' Bloodletter. '_A Phlebotomist._' Suds. '_A Lixivium_ of +soap and water.' Sun. 'The luminary that makes the day.' + +_The_ English dictionary is prodigiously defective--_Nervi desunt._ It +has no force of thought. This wilderness of words displays a mind, +patient, but almost incapable of reasoning; ignorant, but oppressed by a +load of frivolous ideas; proud of its own powers, but languishing in the +last stage of hopeless debility. We have long extolled it with the +wildest luxuriance of adulation, and we pretend to despise the +worshippers of _the golden calf_. + +No man has done more honour to England, than Mr Locke. What would he +have said or thought, had Dr Johnson's dictionary been published in his +days? We can easily determine his opinion from several passages in his +works. I select the following, because it is both short and decisive; +and he who feels any respect for Mr Locke will retain little for the +author of the Rambler. His words are these: 'If any one asks _what this +solidity is_[139], I send him to his senses to inform him. Let him put a +flint, or a football between his hands, and then endeavour to join them +_and he will know_. If he thinks this not a sufficient explication of +_solidity_, what it is, and wherein it consists, I promise to tell him, +what it is, and wherein it consists, when he tells me, what _thinking_ +is, or wherein it consists, or explains to me what _extension_ or +_motion_ is, which perhaps seems much easier. The simple ideas we have +are such as experience teaches them us; but _if, beyond that, we +endeavour by words to make them clearer_ in the mind, we shall succeed +no better, than if we went about to clear up the darkness of a blind +man's mind by talking, and discourse into him the ideas of light and +colours[140].' + +In the title page of his octavo, we learn, that 'the words are deduced +from their originals.' And in the preface, he adds, that 'the +etymologies and derivations, whether from foreign languages or native +roots, are more diligently traced, and more distinctly noted, than in +other dictionaries of the same kind.' Mr Whitaker assures us that in +this single article the Doctor has committed upwards of _three thousand_ +errors: And the historical pioneer produces abundant evidence in support +of his assertion[141]. But independent of this curious circumstance, let +us ask the Doctor what he means by crouding such trifles into an +abstract, which is, he says, intended for those who are 'to gain degrees +of knowledge suitable to lower characters, or necessary to the common +business of life.' To tell such people, that the word _porridgepot_ is +compounded of _porridge_, and _pot_, is to insult their understandings; +and of his Greek and Saxon roots, not one individual in a thousand can +read even a single letter. The preface commences with a pitiful untruth. +Having mentioned the publication of his folio dictionary, he subjoins, +'it has _since_ been considered that works of that kind are by no means +necessary for the bulk of readers.' Here he would insinuate that the +_abstract_ was an _after-thought_: But every body sees, that its +publication was delayed, only to accelerate the sale of his folio +dictionary. There is not room now left, to dissect every sentence in the +preface to his octavo. I shall therefore conclude that subject with one +particular, wherein the Doctor's taste, learning, and genius, blaze in +their meridian. + +In the title page to his octavo dictionary, we are informed, that the +words are 'authorised by the names of the writers in whose works they +are found.' And this tale is repeated at greater length in the preface, +where 'it will be found that truth requires him to say less[142]': For +under letter A only, there are between four and five hundred words, for +which the _Idler_ has not assigned any authority--and of these one +hundred and eighty are to be found in no language under heaven. He +boasts indeed that his dictionary 'contains many words not to be found +in any other.' But it also contains many words, not to be found at all +in any other book. If we compute that letter A has a thirteenth part of +these _recruits_, we shall find that the whole number scattered through +his compilation exceeds two thousand. A purchaser of his _abstract_ has +a title to ask the Doctor, why the work is loaded with such a profusion +of trash, which serves only to testify the folly of him who collected +or created it. Men of eminent learning have been consulted, who disown +all acquaintance (in English) with most articles in the following list: + +Abacus, Abandonement, Abarticulation, Abcedarian, Abcedary, Aberrant, +Aberuncate, Abject, _v. a._ Ablactate, Ablactation, Ablation, Ablegate, +Ablegation, Ablepsy, Abluent, Abrasion, Abscissa, Absinthiated, +Abitention, Absterge, Accessariness, Accidentalness, Accipient, +Acclivious, Accolent, Accompanable, Accroach, Accustomarily, +Acroamatical, Acronycal, Acroters, or Acroteria, Acuate, Aculerate, +Addulce, Addenography, Ademption, Adiaphory, Adjectitious, _Adition_, +Abstergent, Acceptilation, Adjugate, Adjument, Adjunction, Adjunctive, +Adjutor, Adjutory, Adjuvant, Adjuvate, Admensuration, Adminicle, +Adminicular, Admix, Admonishment, _Admurmuration_, Adscititious, +Adstriction, Advesperate, Adulator, Adulterant, Adulterine, Adumbrant, +Advolation, Advolution, Adustible, Aerology, Aeromancy, Aerometry, +Aeroscopy, Affabrous, Affectuous, Affixion, Afflation, Afflatus, +Agglomerate, Agnation, Agnition, Agreeingness, Alate, Abb, Alegar, +Alligate, Alligation, Allocution, Amalgmate, Amandation, Ambidexterity, +Ambilogy, Ambiloquous, Ambry, Ambustion, Amende, Amercer, Amethodical, +_Amphibological_, _Amphibologically_, Amphisch, Amplificate, Amygdalate, +Amygdaline, Anacamptick, Anacampticks, _Anaclacticks_, Anadiplosis, +Anagogetical, Anagrammatize, Anamorphosis, Anaphora, Anastomosis, +Anastrope, Anathematical, Androgynal, Androgynally, Androgynus, +Anemography, Anemometer, _Anfractuousness_, Angelicalness, +_Angiomonospermous_, Angularity, Angularness, Anhelation, Aniented, +Anileness, Anility, Animative, Annumerate, Annumeration, Annunciate, +Anomalously, Ansated, Antaphroditick, Antapoplectick, Antarthritick, +Antasthmatick, Anteact, Auscultation, Antemundane, Antepenult, +Antepredicament, Anthology, Anthroposophy, Anthypnotick, +Antichristianity, Auxiliation, Antinephritick, Antinomy, Antiquatedness, +Apert, Apertly, Aphilanthrophy, Aphrodisiacal, Aphrodosiack, Apocope, +Apocryphalness, Apomecometry, Appellatory, Apsis, Aptate, Aptote, Aqua, +Aquatile, Aqueousness, Aquose, Aquosity, Araignee, Aratory, Arbuscle, +Archchanter, Archaiology, Archailogick, Archeus, Arcuation, Arenose, +Arenulous, Argil, Argillaceous, Argute, Arietate, Aristocraticallness, +Armental, Armentine, Armigerous, Armillary, Armipotence, Arrentation, +Arreptitious, Arrison, Authentickness, Arrosion, Articular, +Articulateness, Austral, Arundinaceous, Arundineous, Asbestine, +Ascriptitious, Asinary, Asperation, Asperifolious, Aspirate, _v. a._ +Assassinator, Assumptive, Astonishingness, Astrography, Attiguous, +Attinge, Aucupation, Avowee. + +Of these words about forty only are proper, yet though they are so, and +though they are frequently to be found in the best authors, yet the +Doctor has not given any authority for them. His reading therefore must +have been very circumscribed, or his negligence very great. Is the word +_Avowee_, for instance, one of those which 'are however, to be yet +considered as resting only upon the credit of former dictionaries[143].' +Besides these forty, there are under letter A, some hundreds of the most +common words, for which no author's name is quoted. A gross omission +according to the plan which he lays down. + +Let us put the case, that a foreigner sits down to compose a page of +English, by the help of Dr Johnson's work. The strange combinations of +letters (for I dare not call them words) which swell his book to its +present bloated size, are not marked with an asterisk, to distinguish +them as barbarous: The novice would therefore adopt a stile unknown to +any native of England. Here is a short specimen of what he would say. + +'An _Admurmuration_ has long wandered about the world, that the +pensioner's political principles are _anfractuous_. Their +_anfractuousness_, their _insipience_, and their _turpitude_, are no +longer _amphibological_. His _nefarious repercussion_ of _obloquy_ must +_contaminate_, and _obumbrate_, and who can tell but it may even +_aberuncate_ his _feculent_ and _excrementitious celebrity_. His +_perspicacity_ will see without _comity_, or _hilarity_, that his +character as an author and a gentleman, requires _resuscitation_, for it +is neither _immane_ nor _immarcessible_. This is a _homogeneous_ +truth[144]. Let him distend, like the _flaccid_ sides of a +football[145], his _sal_, his _sapience_, and his powers of +_ratiocination_. The _mellifluous_ and _numerose cadence_ of +_equiponderant_ periods cannot ensure him from a _luxation_, a +_laceration_, and a _resiliency_ of his _adminicular concatenation_ with +the _rugged mercantile_ race[146]. The loss of this _adscititious +adminicle_ would make the sage's _impeccable_, but _lugubrious_ bosom +vibrate with the horrors of _dilution_ and _dereliction_. His organs of +vision would gush with _salsamentarious_ torrents of spherical +particles, of equal diameters, and of equal specific gravities, as Dr +Cheyne observes--their smoothness--their sphericity--their frictions, +and their hardness,'[147] &c. + +To the last edition (the 4th) of the folio dictionary, there is prefixed +an advertisement, from which I have extracted a few lines: 'Finding my +dictionary about to be reprinted, I have endeavoured by a revisal to +make it less reprehensible. I will not deny that I found _many parts +requiring emendation_, and _many more capable of improvement_. _Many +faults_ I have corrected, some superfluities I have taken away, and some +deficiencies I have supplied. I have methodised some parts that were +_disordered_, and illuminated some that were _obscure_. Yet the changes +or additions bear a very small proportion to the whole.' That his +improvements, bear a very small proportion to the quantity of errors +still in his book is true, for after a long and painful search, I have +only been able to trace out ONE alteration. The word _Gazetteer_ is now +defined without that insolent scurrility formerly quoted. But in this +correct edition, thunder continues to be a _most bright flame_. Whig is +still the name of a faction; and a Tory is said to be an adherent to the +antient constitution of England. Oats, Excise, _Monarch_, &c. are all in +the same stile. Nowise, _n. s._ '(_no_ and _wise_: this is commonly +spoken and written by IGNORANT BARBARIANS, _noways_). Not in any manner, +or degree.' Theorem, _n. s._ 'A position laid down as an acknowledged +truth.' + +Here a schoolboy can detect the Doctor's ignorance, for every body knows +that this word has the _opposite_ meaning, which is indeed evident from +the quotations that are intended to exemplify it. + +'Having found this the head _theorem_ of all their discourses, we hold +it necessary that the _proofs_ thereof be weighed.' _Hooker._ 'Here are +three _theorems_, that from thence we may draw some conclusions[148].' +_Dryden._ No words can paint the Doctor's want of attention. + +To piss, _v. n._ (pisser Fr. pissen Dutch) 'To make water. I charge the +_pissing_ conduit run nothing but claret. _Shakespeare._ One ass pisses, +the rest _piss_ for company. _L'Estrange._ The wanton boys _piss_ upon +your grave. _Dryden._' Whoredom, _n. s._ (from _whore_) 'Fornication. +Some let go _whoredom_ as an indifferent matter. _Hale._' Whorish, _a._ +(from whore) 'Unchaste, incontinent. By means of a _whorish_ woman a man +is brought to a piece of bread. _Proverbs._ I had as lief you should +tell me of a mess of _porridge_[149].' + +The reader has seen what a profusion of low, and even blackguard +expressions are to be met with in the Doctor's celebrated work. I shall +now give an additional specimen of his _great_ work; and if, like some +American savages, we cannot count our fingers, Dr Johnson himself will +teach us how to do it; for he tells us, on _Shakespeare's_ authority, +that two is, 'one and one,' Pope and Creech are quoted to prove, that +three is, 'two and one.' Four is, 'two and two;' and, if you have the +least doubt that 'four and one' make five, or that five is, 'the half of +ten,' you will be silenced by the name of Dryden. Six is, 'twice three, +one more than five.' Seven is, 'four and three, one more than six.' +Eight is, 'twice four, a word of number.' Nine is, 'one more than +eight.' Ninth is, 'that which precedes the tenth.' Ten is, 'the decimal +number, twice five.' Tenth is, 'first after the ninth, the ordinal of +ten.' Eleven is, 'ten and one.' Eleventh is, 'the next in order to the +tenth, and is derived from eleven.' Twelve is, 'two and ten;' and +twelfth, 'second after the tenth, the ordinal of twelve.' Thirteen is, +'ten and three.' Fourteen is, 'four and ten.' Fifteen is, 'five and +ten.' Fifteen, 'the ordinal of fifteen, the fifth after the tenth;' and, +if you entertain any suspicion as to the verity of these definitions, +read over Boyle, Brown, Dryden, Moses, Raleigh, Sandys, Shakespeare, and +Bacon. Thirdly is, in the 'third place.' Thrice, 'three times,' +threefold, 'thrice repeated, consisting of three.' Threepence, (_three_ +and _pence_) 'a small silver coin, valued at thrice a penny.' +Threescore, a. (_three_ and _score_) 'thrice twenty, sixty.' Pope, +Raleigh, Wiseman, Shakespeare, Brown, Dryden, and Spencer, are cited to +convince you, that these explanations are accurate. And the other +articles of numeration, with all their derivations, definitions, and the +passages which are quoted to support them, would fill a sixpenny +pamphlet. And this is one recipe for making a book worth four guineas! + +A farthing is, 'the fourth part of a penny, and a penny is, _a small +coin_[150], of which twelve make a shilling.' A shilling is 'now twelve +pence.' A Pound is, 'the sum of twenty shillings;' and, if thou hast +forgot the worth of a Guinea, know that it is 'a gold coin, valued at +one and twenty shillings;' for Dryden, Locke, and Cocker, have said all +this. A Punk is, 'a whore, a common prostitute;' and a Puppy is, 'a +whelp, the progeny of a bitch, a name of contemptuous reproach to a +man.' To _Mew_ is, 'to cry as a cat.' To Kaw is, 'to cry as a Raven, +Crow, or Rook; and the cry of a Raven or Crow (and he might have added, +of a Jack Daw too) is kaw.' + +'There are men (says Dr Johnson) who claim the name of authors, merely +to disgrace it, and fill the world with volumes, only to bury letters in +their own rubbish. The traveller who tells, in a pompous Folio, that he +saw the _Pantheon_ at _Rome_, and the _Medicean Venus_ at _Florence_; +the natural historian, who, describing the productions of a narrow +island, recounts all that it has in common with every other part of the +world; the collector of antiquities, that accounts every thing a +curiosity, which the ruins of Herculaneum happen to emit, though an +instrument already shown in a thousand repositories, or a cup common to +the antients, the moderns, and all mankind, may be justly censured as +the persecutors of students, and the _thieves_ of that time, which never +can be restored[151].' + +The traveller who visits Rome and Florence, and gives an account of what +he saw to the world, without describing the Pantheon and the Medicean +Venus, will, very properly, be censured as an ignorant and tasteless +wanderer. The historian who describes an island, whether wide or narrow, +ought to begin by telling if it produces water, grass, wood, and corn. A +sword, a bow, and a dagger, are common to the antients, the moderns, and +almost all mankind; yet, if any Roman military weapon were discovered in +the ruins of Herculaneum, it would deservedly be the object of +curiosity, and a collector of antiquities might describe it without +being censured, in Dr Johnson's polite style, as a _thief of time_. Of +this passage, however, the leading idea is just; and, had the Doctor +been able to express himself with precision, it would have served, in an +admirable manner, to delineate the character of the author of those +passages which we have just now been reading from his Dictionary. + +A Puppy is said to be, 'the progeny of a bitch,' but so is the bitch +herself. Repleviable is, 'what may be _replevined_.' Repair is, +'reparation;' and reparation is, 'the act of repairing.' A Republican +is, 'one who thinks a commonwealth, without monarchy, the best +government.' But this is only half a definition; for every subject of a +republic, is a republican, whether he think it the best government or +not. Republican, a. (from republic) is, 'placing the government in the +people.' Is Venice under the government of the people? It is curious +enough to hear such an author as Ben Johnson cited to prove what a +republic is. The reader will compute what title the Doctor has to the +character given him by a late writer, viz. that 'his great learning and +genius render him one of the most _shining_ ornaments of the present +age.' A Looking-glass is, 'a glass which shews forms reflected;' but so +will a common glass bottle; though we never term it a looking-glass. He +says it is compounded of _look_ and _glass_; but, if the reader happens +to think it is derived from _looking_ and _glass_, the Doctor cannot +confute him. A knave is, 'a petty rascal, a scoundrel.' A _Loon_ is, 'a +sorry fellow, a scoundrel.' A _Looby_ is, 'a lubber, a clumsy clown.' A +_Lubber_ is, 'a sturdy drone, an idle, fat, bulky _losel_, a booby.' A +_Losel_ is, 'a scoundrel, a sorry worthless fellow.' A _Lubbard_ is, 'a +lazy sturdy fellow.' A _Booby_ is--but you must know what it is, while +you read, in these elegant definitions, the taste and genius of Dr +Johnson. He says, that Bone is, 'the solid parts of the body of an +animal.' Are not the fat and the muscles also solid? A Volume is, +'something rolled or convolved;' and so is a barrel, a foot-ball, and +a blanket. But a volume is likewise '_as much as seems convolved at +once_;' an expression hardly intelligible; and it is a book. A Book, we +are told, is, 'a volume, in which we read or write;' and whether we read +and write in it or not. + +'V has two powers expressed in English by two characters, v, consonant, +and u, vowel.' One would think these were two different letters, as much +as any others in the alphabet. The same remark applies to letters I and +J, which the Doctor has blended. It is remarkable that this _English_ +Dictionary begins with a _Latin_ word; and the Doctor has inserted it +without giving an authority. + +A Ketch is, 'a _heavy_ ship;' and a Junk is, 'a _small_ ship of China.' A +Sloop is, 'a small ship;' and a Brigantine is, 'a light vessel;' but, it +would have required little learning or ingenuity to have said, that, in +our marine, a sloop has only one mast, except sloops of war, which have +three; and, that a brigantine is a merchant ship with two. A brig, a +lugger, a hooker, a schooner, a galliot, a galleon, a proa, a punt, a +xebeque, and a snow, are not inserted in this _compleat_ English +Dictionary; but a Cutter is, 'a nimble boat that _cuts_ the water.' Did +we ever hear of a boat that did not cut the water? This explanation, +like that of at least twenty thousand others, is defective; because, +besides a man of war's boat, the word Cutter is applied to a small +vessel with one mast, rigged as a sloop, that sails very near the +_wind_; from which peculiarity, its appellation is derived. + +A Cannon is, 'a gun larger than can be managed by the hand.' Cannon-ball +and Cannon shot are, 'the balls which are shot from great guns.' Mr +Locke is cited to shew, that _cannot_ is compounded of _can_ and _not_. +Menstruous is, 'having the catamenia;' and this last word is wanting, a +frequent mode of _definition_ in this book. The Eye is, 'the organ of +vision.' Eye-drop, (_eye_ and _drop_) 'tear.' See also Eye-ball, +Eye-brow, Eye-glance, Eye-glass, Eyeless, Eye-lid, Eye-sight, Eye-sore, +Eye-tooth, Eye-wink, Eye-witness. Eye-string is, 'the string of the +eye[152].' The following names are cited to support the explanations: +Dryden, Spencer, Newton, Milton, Garth, Bacon, Samuel, Peter, and +Shakespeare four times. The man who can make such a pedantic parade of +erudition, must be a mere quack in the business of book-building; and +the reader who thinks himself edified by hearing, that an eye-wink is, +'a wink as a hint or token,' must be an object of pity. But there is no +such reader. _Quere._ Do we never wink but as a hint or token? Achor is, +'a species of the _Herpes_;' and Hey, 'an expression of joy.' A Mocker +is,'one who mocks;' and a Laughing-stock, (_laugh_ and _stock_) a 'butt, +an object of ridicule.' Iron, a. is, 'made of iron;' and Iron, s. is +said to be, 'a metal common to all parts of the world;' which is not the +fact. + +Numskull, _s._ (_numb_ and _skull_) 'a _Dullard_; a dunce; a dolt; a +blockhead.' Numskulled, _a._ (from _Numskull_) 'dull; stupid; doltish.' +Nun, _s._ 'a woman dedicated to the severer duties of religion, secluded +in a cloister from the world.' The Nuns of London were _not_ employed in +the severer duties of religion, which has nothing to do with severity. +The institution of nunneries is the most atrocious insult upon human +feelings, that ever disgraced the selfish and brutal policy of the Roman +priesthood, and its consequences are the most shocking and criminal. The +man who would palliate such an outrage on Christianity, deserves no +quarter[153]. From this sample of his good sense and piety, one would +hardly rank the Rambler above 'a domestic animal, that catches mice.' + +Jack is, '1. The diminutive of John. 2. The name of _instruments_, which +supply the place of a boy, _as an instrument_ to pull off boots.' +Bronchocele, _s._ 'a tumor of that part of the _aspera tertia_, called +the _Bronchos_,' and this last word is wanting. Broom is 'a shrub;' and +Brogue 'a kind of shoe.' See also Broomstaff, Broomy, Broth, Brothel, +and Brothelhouse. Bubo, 'the groin from the bending of the thigh to the +_scrotum_;' but the _scrotum_ is not explained. + +Snot. 'The mucus of the nose.' Nose. 'The prominence on the face, which +is the organ of _scent_, and the emunctory of the brain.' + +He should have said the organ of _smell_, for we do not say the sense of +_scenting_. But from what he says of them, it appears that he is +ignorant of the distinction between these two words. If the nose were +the emunctory of the brain (which every surgeon's apprentice knows that +it is _not_), in that case snot could not be the mucus of the nose, but +the mucus of the brain. It belongs to neither. It is entirely, or +principally formed in the glands of the throat, as we see every day in +coughing. To contradict such inconsistencies, would be below the +dignity of any writer, if they were found in a book less famous than the +English Dictionary. + +Rust. 'The red _Desquamation_ of old iron.' Desquamation. 'The act of +scaling foul bones.' Sinew. '1. A tendon; the ligaments by which the +joints are moved. 2. _Muscle_ or _nerve_!' Other metals rust as well as +iron, and rust is not always red; that of copper for instance is blue or +green. It is not quite clear why the word _Desquamation_ is introduced. +But his account of _sinew_ exceeds every thing of the kind. + +Highflier. 'One that carries his opinion to extravagance.' The word +relates to a particular set of men in this country, and to them only. A +Dervise, a Friar, and a Bramin, profess extravagant opinions; but an +English writer would not call them _Highfliers_, nor would he be +understood if he did. + +Chervill. 'An _umbelliferous_ plant.' Periwig. '_Adscititious_ hair.' +Chemist, and Chemistry are omitted, but Chymistry is, 'philosophy by +FIRE;' and Chymist, 'a philosopher by FIRE!' With what inexpressible +contempt would the youngest of Dr Black's audience hear these +definitions? The folly of the man, who can scribble such jargon is +eclipsed by the superlative ignorance of those who vindicate and admire +him. Dr Johnson asserts, that Shakespeare 'has corrupted language by +every mode of depravation[154].' The remark applies to himself. And his +advocates must allow, that 'they endure in _him_ what they should in +another loath and despise[155].' Indeed I can very well believe the +Doctor, when he says, that his book was composed while he was in a state +of DISTRACTION[156]. For the honour of his veracity, we may hope, that +he was likewise _distracted_ when he observed of the social, facetious, +and celebrated John Wilkes, Esq; that 'Lampoon would disdain to speak +ill of him, of whom no man speaks well[157].' + +Part of his book has merit; but take it altogether, and perhaps it is +the strangest farrago which pedantry ever produced. It will be said that +these are partial specimens, but we have traced him through various +_ramifications_ of learning, and found his ignorance extreme. A sensible +reader will try his own abilities, in judging of the Doctor's _great_ +performance. Nor will he throw down this pamphlet without a candid +perusal, because, by some unaccountable infatuation, the dictionary has +for twenty seven years been admired by thousands and ten thousands, who +have never _seen_ it. Let us exert that courage of thought, and that +contempt of quackery, which to feel, and to display, is the privilege +and the pride of a Briton. In a country where no man fears his king, can +any man fear the sound of a celebrated name, or crouch behind the the +banner of Dullness, because it is born by SAMUEL JOHNSON, A.M. & LL.D.? + +I shall now take leave of this enormous compilation, and return, for a +few pages, to the rest of his works. + + * * * * * + +Speaking of Pope's edition of Shakespeare, Dr Johnson observes, 'That on +this undertaking, to which Pope was induced by a reward of two hundred +and seventeen pounds, twelve shillings, he seems never to have reflected +afterwards _without vexation_[158].' The Doctor ought never to reflect +'without vexation' on his own edition of Shakespeare. He published his +proposals in 1756, but the work itself did not appear till 1768, and +then, though the world was warmly prejudiced in his favour, and tho' he +had plundered every thing which he thought valuable, from all his +predecessors, yet his performance was received with general disregard. +His preface was the particular butt of censure; his deficiencies were +detected 'with all the insolence of victory;' and the public were, for +once, inclined to say of him, what he says of Mr Theobald, viz. that he +was 'a man of heavy diligence, with very slender powers[159].' + +Indeed the Doctor persecutes the name of Theobald with the most +rancorous spirit of revenge. In his proposals for printing Shakespeare, +he tells us, 'that Mr Theobald, if fame be just to his memory, +considered his learning only as an instrument of gain, and made no +farther enquiry after his authour's meaning, when once he had notes +sufficient to embellish his page with the expected decorations.' If +Theobald was poor, he was certainly prudent in considering his learning +as an instrument of gain. In this point, he has been exactly copied by +no less a personage than Dr Johnson himself. But the Doctor has not +ventured to say that Theobald was a venal prostituted dabbler in +politics; that he insulted his King, till he received a pension; and +that when he had received his pension, he insulted his country. No. 'The +old books, the cold pedantry, and sluggish pertinacity of Theobald,' +never excited the serious contempt or indignation of mankind. Dr Johnson +asserts, 'That when Theobald published Shakespeare in opposition to +Pope, the _best_ notes were supplied by Warburton[160].' This is an +assertion without a proof, and merits no regard; for his veracity keeps +pace with his candour. + +The admirers of Pope will be sensible of the good nature and honesty of +Dr Johnson, from the following unqualified assertion: 'The great object +of his (Pope's) ridicule is _poverty_; the crimes with which he +reproaches his antagonists are their debts, their habitation in the +mint, and their want of a dinner. He seems to be of an opinion, not very +uncommon in the world, that to want money is to want every thing[161].' +The crimes with which Pope reproaches the Duncenian heroes are slander +and _forgery_[162], most of them were not only bad writers, but bad +men; and it is only in the latter point of view, that the poet +considered them as fair objects of ridicule. Had Pope been capable of +insulting honest indigence, his reputation and his glory must have been +for ever blasted. The humanity of Englishmen would have rejected, with +horror, such impious wit. The last part of this malicious paragraph is, +after a few pages, contradicted by Dr Johnson himself. Had Pope been of +opinion, that _to want money is to want every thing_, he would not have +assisted Dodsley 'with a hundred pounds that he might open a shop--of +the subscription of forty pounds a-year that he raised for Savage, +TWENTY were paid by himself. He was accused of loving money, but his +love was eagerness to gain, not solicitude to keep it. In the duties of +friendship, he was zealous and constant. It does not appear that he lost +a _single_ friend by coldness, or by injury; those who loved him once, +continued their kindness[163].' This cannot be the picture of a man who +insulted innocent misery. + +The Doctor is perpetually giving us strokes of his own character. Thus, +of Mr Thomson we are informed, 'that he was "more fat than bard +beseems," of a _dull_ countenance, and a _gross, unanimated, uninviting_ +appearance.' This is the Rambler's portrait, but when applied to the +author of the Seasons, it is not true, for Mr Murdoch assures us, 'that +his worst appearance was, when you saw him walking alone, in a +thoughtful mood; but let a friend accost him, and enter into +conversation, he would instantly brighten into a most amiable aspect, +his features no longer the same, and his eye darting a peculiar animated +fire. His looks always announced, and half expressed what he was about +to say[164].' + +The Doctor fills up several pages with blotted variations from Pope's +manuscript translation of the Iliad. He exults in this precious +production, and foresees that the wisest of his readers will wish for +more. Having perused a few lines of it only, I cannot pretend to rate +the value of this commodity: But a plain reader will be apt to suspect +that the Doctor has on this, as on former occasions, adopted the prudent +proverb,_ multum scribere, multum solvere_. If Lexiphanes _overflows +with Greek_, he may, by comparing Pope with Homer, afford much +entertainment. + +'Wives and husbands are, indeed, incessantly complaining of each +other[165].'--Not unless both are fools, nor always then. For the credit +of its author, I suppress the sequel of this unhappy period. + +Dr Johnson observes, that Mr Addison, 'by a serious display of the +beauties of Chevy Chace, exposed himself to the ridicule of +Wagstaff.--In Chevy Chace there is _not much_ of either bombast or +affectation, but there is chill and lifeless imbecility. The story +cannot possibly be told in a manner that shall make _less_ impression on +the mind[166].' This is a most scandalous criticism; no man who ever +heard the ballad, will hear it with patience. The Doctor's pious +intention seems to have been to lessen the reputation of Addison. Let +him who falsifies without shame, be chastised without mercy[167]. + +Though Dr Johnson long acted as Reviewer of books for the Gentleman's +Magazine, and though he often exercised his pen in that capacity with +the most grovelling insolence, yet he cannot speak with patience of his +rivals in that branch of trade. 'We have now,' says he, 'among other +disturbers of human quiet, a numerous body of Reviewers and +Remarkers[168].' He is angry with Lord Lyttleton, for having once +condescended to correspond with the Critical Reviewers. He observes, +that the CRITICAL REVIEWERS, 'can satisfy their hunger only by devouring +their brethren. I am far from imagining that they are naturally more +ravenous or blood-thirsty, than those on whom they fall with so much +violence and fury; but they are _hungry_, and _hunger_ must be +satisfied; and these SAVAGES, when their bellies are full, will fawn on +those whom they now bite[169].' They have lately[170] celebrated the +Doctor's great candour, of which this passage is the best evidence that +'will easily be found.' + +I finish this essay by reciting the circumstance which gave it birth. + +In 1778, Mr William Shaw published an Analysis of the Gaelic language. +He quoted specimens of Gaelic poetry, and harangued on its beauties, +with the aukward elocution of one who did not understand them. A few +months ago, he printed a pamphlet. He traduced decent characters. He +denied the existence of Gaelic poetry, and his name was echoed in the +newspapers as a miracle of candour. Is there in the annals of Grubæan +impudence any parallel to this? Is there any nation in the world except +_one_, perpetually deluded by a succession of impostors? Are these the +blessed fruits of that freedom which patriots perish to defend? If there +be no pillory, no whipping post for such accumulated guilt, we may truly +say with Shakespeare, that 'Liberty plucks Justice by the nose.' This +incomparable bookbuilder, who writes a dictionary before he can write +grammar, had previously boasted what a harvest he would reap from +English credulity. He was not deceived. The bait was caught; and the +voice of truth was for some time drowned in the clamours of the rabble. +Mr Shaw wants only money. He thinks only how to get it, and with a +courage that is respectable, avowed his intentions. But better things +might have been expected from the moral and majestic author of the +Rambler. He must have seen the Analysis of the Gaelic language, for Shaw +mentions him as the patron of that work. He must have seen the specimens +of Celtic poetry there inserted. That he is likewise the patron of this +poor scribble, no man, I suppose, will offer to deny. From this single +circumstance, Dr Johnson stands convicted of _an illiberal intention to +deceive_. Candour can hardly hesitate to sum up his character in the +vulgar but expressive pollysyllable. + +It will be demanded, why a private individual, without interest or +connections, presumes to interfere in the quarrels of the learned? But +when the most shameless of mankind, is _hired_ to abuse the characters +of his countrymen, to blast the reputations of the living and the dead; +when _such_ a tool is employed for _such_ a purpose, that those who are +insulted cannot with propriety stoop to a reply,--THEN the highest +degree of goodness may degenerate into the lowest degree of weakness, +silence becomes approbation, and tenderness and delicacy deserve +different names. He is unfit to be the friend of virtue who cannot +defend her dignity; who dares not execute her vengeance. In this +shameful affair, one circumstance does honour to Dr Johnson. _His +friendship is not exhausted in a compliment._ He does not excite +expectation merely to disappoint it. He resembles not some perfidious +wretches, whom his intrepid eloquence hath so properly pointed out to +public indignation. Exerting the generosity which often ennobles the +character of an Englishman, he engages not his dependant in a +performance for which he scruples to pay. + +To glean the tithe of this man's absurdities cannot be of peculiar +consequence to me: But the world is long since weary of his arrogant +pedantry, his officious malice, his detested assiduity to undermine his +superiors, and overbear his equals. Reformation is never quite hopeless, +and by submitting to make a catalogue of his errors, there is a chance +to humble and reform him. Perhaps indeed, like '_The drudges of +sedition_, HE will hear in sullen silence, HE will feel conviction +without shame, and be confounded, but not abashed[171].' I have not +arrested a few careless expressions, which, in the glow of composition, +will sometimes escape, but by fair, and copious quotations from Dr +Johnson's ponderous abortions, have attempted to illustrate his covetous +and shameless prolixity; his corruptions of our language; his very +limited literature; his entire want of general learning; his antipathy +to rival merit; his paralytick reasoning; his solemn trifling pedantry; +his narrow views of human life; his adherence to contradictions; his +defiance of decency; and his contempt of truth. I have not been sporting +in the mere wantonness of assertion. I have produced such various, such +invincible, such damning proofs, that the Doctor himself must feel a +burst of conviction. To collect every particle of _inanity_ which may be +found in our _patriot's_ works is infinitely beyond the limits of an +eighteen-pence pamphlet. I stop at present here, but the subject seems +_inexhaustible_[172]! + + +_FINIS._ + + + + +FOOTNOTES: + + +[1] Read Mr Mason's Ode to Truth, and pick out a single sentiment if you +can. + +[2] World, No. 100. + +[3] Swift had the splendid misfortune to be a man of genius. By a very +singular felicity, he excelled both in verse and prose. He boasted, that +no _new_ word was to be found in his volumes; though, in glory above all +writers of his time, he did not fancy _that_ entitled him to ingross or +insult conversation. He was no less remarkably clean, than _some_ are +remarkably dirty. His love of fame never led him into the lowest of all +vices; and a sense of his own dignity made him respect the importance +and the feelings of others. He often went many miles on foot, that he +might be able to bestow on the poor, what a coach would have cost him. +He raised some hundreds of families from beggary, by lending them five +pounds a-piece only. He inspired his footmen with Celtic attachment. +Whatever was his pride, he shewed none of it in 'the venerable presence +of misery.' Though a poet he was free from vanity; though an author and +a divine, his example did not fall behind his precepts; though a +courtier, he disdained to fawn on his superiors; though a patriot, he +never, like our successive generations of blasted orators, sacrificed +his principles to his passions. 'His meanest talent was his wit.' His +learning had no pedantry, his piety no superstition; his benevolence +almost no parallel. His intrepid eloquence first pointed out to his +oppressed countrymen, that path to Independence, to happiness, and to +glory, which their posterity, at this moment, so nobly pursue. His +treatise on the conduct of their foreign allies, first taught the +English nation the dangers of a continental war, dispelled their +delusive dreams of conquest, and stopt them in the full career to ruin. + +[4] See parallel between Diogenes and Dr Johnson in Town and Country +Magazine. In his life of Swift, the Doctor tells us, that 'he relieved +without pity, and assisted without kindness.' + +[5] Idler, No. 70. + +[6] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[7] Life of Pope. + +[8] The following extracts from the Doctor's Dictionary are a key to his +political tenets: EXCISE, a hateful tax levied upon commodities, and +adjudged, not by the common judges of property, but _wretches_ hired by +those to whom excise is paid. _Gazetteer_, was lately a term of the +utmost infamy, being usually applied to wretches that were _hired_ to +vindicate the court. _Pension_, an allowance made to any one without an +equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a +state hireling for treason to his country. _Pensioner_, a slave of +state, hired by a stipend to obey his master. KING, monarch, supreme +governour. _Monarch_, a governour invested with _absolute_ authority, a +_King_. _Whig_, 1. whey, 2. the name of a _faction_. _Tory_, one who +adheres to the _antient_ constitution of the state, and the apostolical +hierarchy of the church of England, opposed to a _whig_. _Johnson's fol. +Dic._ The word _faction_ is always used in a _bad_ sense; though, in +defining it, the Doctor did not, and, after what he had said of a whig, +perhaps durst not say, that a faction is always a term for the supposed +disturbers of public peace. 'The most obsequious of the slaves of pride, +the most rapturous of the gazers upon wealth, the most officious of the +whisperers of greatness, are collected from seminaries appropriated to +the study of wisdom and of virtue;' _Rambler_, No. 180. That is to say, +men of learning are a set of the most sneaking, pitiful, time-serving +rascals. The reader will make his own applications. + +[9] See _Political tracts by the author of the Rambler_. His character +of Hambden, the reader will find in the 1st page of Waller's life. Of +Milton, he says, that 'his impudence had been at least equal to his +other powers. Such was his malignity, that hell grew darker at his +frown. He thought women born only for obedience, and men only for +rebellion.' There is much more in the same tone; and, with what justice +his epithets are applied, let Englishmen judge. + +[10] Taxation no tyranny. + +[11] Ibid, No. 89. + +[12] Idler, No. 85. + +[13] Tour, p. 59. + +[14] Tour, p. 84. + +[15] Idler, No. 82. + +[16] He should have said _causes_, for he mentions _two_.--What is the +Doctor's distinction here between habit and custom? + +[17] _Quere_, Are we more accustomed to beauty than deformity? or is not +the fact otherwise.--Did habit ever make a sick man fond of disease, or +a poor man fond of poverty? + +[18] Vide Preface to folio Dict. + +[19] Dr Campbell of Aberdeen, on the use of new words, says, 'That +nothing can be juster than Johnson's manner of arguing on this subject, +in regard to what Swift a little chimerically proposeth, that though new +words be introduced, none should be suffered to become obsolete.' This +Gentleman ought to have consulted Swift himself. Let him peruse the +'petty treatise,' and then let him blush for having trusted an author +void of fidelity. + +[20] As the venerable and admirable father of _the_ English Dictionary +has treated the names of such men as Young and Lyttleton with so little +ceremony, the reader will perhaps forgive the insertion of his own +character, as drawn by Chesterfield. 'I am almost in a fever, whenever I +am in his company. His figure (without being deformed) seems made to +disgrace or ridicule the common structure of the human body. His legs +and arms are never in the position, which, according to the situation of +his body, they ought to be in; but constantly employed in committing +acts of hostility upon the graces. He throws any where but down his +throat, whatever he means to drink; and only mangles what he means to +carve. _Inattentive to all the regards of social life_, he mistimes, or +misplaces every thing. He disputes with heat, and indiscriminately, +mindless of the rank, character, and situation, of those with whom he +disputes; absolutely ignorant of the several gradations of familiarity +or respect, he is exactly the same to his superiors, his equals, and his +inferiors; and therefore by a necessary consequence absurd to two of the +three. Is it possible to love such a man? No. The utmost I can do for +him, is to consider him as a respectable Hottentot.' Churchill's account +of our hero comes nearly to the same. And I presume that the inimitable +Dr Smollet, has exhibited a third picture of this illustrious original +in Humphry Clinker, Vol. 1.--Dr Johnson's letter to the Earl of +Chesterfield concludes in these words: 'Whatever be the event of my +endeavours, I shall _not easily_ regret an attempt which has procured me +the honour of appearing thus publicly, my Lord, your Lordship's most +obedient, and most humble servant, Sam. Johnson.' These extracts afford +a striking contrast between the severity of the polite peer, and the +humble politeness (for _once_) of the rugged pedant. + +[21] Lives of English poets, vol. iii. p. 243 and 284. 12_mo_ edit. + +[22] Vide Life of Dryden. + +[23] Vid. Dict. article Blood. + +[24] _Excogitation_, this combination of letters is to be found in the +Doctor's works, though not in his Dictionary. + +[25] Rasselas, chap. vi. + +[26] He meant to say _there_. + +[27] Tour, p. 16. and 18. &c. + +[28] Tour, p. 186. + +[29] Ibid, p. 21. + +[30] Rambler, No. 79. + +[31] Tour, p. 369 &c. + +[32] Tour, p. 373. + +[33] Ibid, p. 55. + +[34] Vid. folio Dictionary. + +[35] Tour, p. 242. + +[36] Butler's life. + +[37] Rambler, No. 59. + +[38] Ibid. + +[39] Vid. Plutarch. + +[40] Tour, p. 283. + +[41] Tour, p. 124. + +[42] Ibid, p. 154. + +[43] The Doctor ought to have said, 'For _these reasons_,' as he +mentions several. + +[44] Pope's life. + +[45] He should have said, _no poet_; for that was his meaning, if he had +any. No _writer_, includes prose as well as verse; and this sample may +give us a fair idea of the Doctor's _accuracy_ in point of style. + +[46] Life of Pope. + +[47] Ibid. + +[48] Gray's life. + +[49] Gray's life. + +[50] Gentleman's Magazine, Vol. XVII. + +[51] Gray's life. + +[52] Ibid. + +[53] Ibid. + +[54] Edinburgh Review, Vol. III. P. 55. _et seq._ + +[55] Gray's life. + +[56] Ibid. + +[57] Ibid. + +[58] Life of Pope. + +[59] Gray's life. + +[60] Ibid. + +[61] Gray's life. + +[62] Ibid. + +[63] Pastor cum traheret per freta navibus, &c. + +[64] Gray's life. Dr. Beattie of Aberdeen differs very widely from Dr. +Johnson on the merit of this poem. He says, 'I have heard the finest Ode +in the world (meaning Gray's Bard) blamed for the boldness of its +figures, and for what the critic was pleased to call obscurity.' +Beattie's Essays on poetry and musick, 3d edit. p. 269. This is, +certainly very strong; yet he seems in some danger of contradicting +himself, when he says in another place, That 'for energy of words, +vivacity of description, and _apposite_ variety of numbers, Dryden's +Feast of Alexander is superior to any ode of Horace or Pindar now +extant.' Ibid, p. 17. One would have been apt to suppose that the Lyrick +Poem which eclipsed Horace, if not the finest, is at least one of 'the +finest in the world.'--But an author has novelty to recommend him, when +he affirms that Gray is superior to Dryden, and Dryden to all Antiquity. + +[65] Gray's life. + +[66] Ibid. + +[67] Ibid. + +[68] Gray's life. + +[69] Gray's life. + +[70] A favourite phrase of the Rambler's. + +[71] Gray's life. + +[72] Ibid. + +[73] Taxation no Tyranny. + +[74] Taxation no Tyranny. + +[75] Dryden's life. + +[76] Ibid. + +[77] Rambler, No. 150. + +[78] Rambler, No. 9. + +[79] Vide the life of Garrick by Mr Davies. + +[80] Rambler, No. 160. + +[81] Ibid. + +[82] Churchill's Apology. + +[83] Vide Life of Cowley. His impressions had been very slight, for +Crowley has nothing of the melody, or magnificence of the Fairy Queen. +Of its great author we know little but that he was praised, and +neglected, unfortunate, and poor: and, from his epitaph, that he died +young. His subject is not happy, his words are often obsolete, and his +stanza can hardly please us long. But we may presume that he wanted +leisure to study the great models of antiquity: That he wanted that +tranquillity of mind so requisite to the success of a poet: And that his +defects are owing to the bad taste of his age, and the hardships of his +life. Had he lived longer, and had he enjoyed that competence which a +prudent shoeblack seldom fails to enjoy, Spenser would have been second +in fame to Shakespeare only. + +[84] Dr Johnson on Cymbeline. The same sentiment is started in his +account of Pope, 'To the particular species of excellence men are +directed, not by an ascendant planet, or predominant humour, but by the +first book which they read, some early conversation which they heard, or +some accident which excited ardour and emulation.'--The Doctor is in +this passage censuring Pope's ignorance of human nature--while his own +marvellous and extreme stupidity makes him almost beneath censure. The +reader will not realize Montesquieu's remark, That _when we attempt to +prove things so evident we are sure never to convince_. + +[85] Annual Register 1779, Part II. p. 148. I abridge his words, but +give their full meaning. + +[86] Life of Waller. + +[87] Life of Rowe. + +[88] Life of Milton. + +[89] Life of Swift. + +[90] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[91] Ibid. + +[92] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[93] 'He has scenes of _undoubted_ and _perpetual_ excellence.' Ibid. Is +there not some inconsistency in these various assertions. + +[94] See in the same style his observations on Prior, Akenside, and +others. + +[95] _Quere._ Did ever Shakespeare, or any other man, compose a single +page, or even a single line, on any subject, without either straining +his faculties, or at least soliciting his invention. It is very possible +that the Doctor did not suspect the full extent of his expression. + +[96] Vide Dictionary. + +[97] Life of Pope. + +[98] Ibid. + +[99] Pope's life. + +[100] Eloisa, Letter 83. + +[101] Pope's life. + +[102] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[103] Pope's life. + +[104] Ibid. + +[105] Rambler, No. 36. + +[106] Ibid. + +[107] Thomson's life. + +[108] The author has no intention here to disseminate political +opinions--His only meaning is to prove, that _somebody_ has neither +principle, nor consistency, nor shame. + +[109] Life of Shenstone. + +[110] Gentleman's Magazine. + +[111] Vide life of Milton. + +[112] Life of Smith. + +[113] Tour, p. 8, 12mo edit. + +[114] The Crucifix--Gulliver's Travels. + +[115] 'And read their history in a nation's eyes.' GRAY'S ELEGY. + +[116] On this subject nothing liberal could be expected from Dr Johnson, +who, in spite of his murmurs about Excise, and his actual benevolence in +private life, has always been the firm advocate of oppression. His +project of hiring the Cherokees to massacre the North Americans (vide +supra p. 32) may serve to inform us what he himself would have done, had +he been seated in the saddle of authority. But what shall be said for +some Scottish historians who have adopted the same ideas? One of them +tells us, that Beaton had prepared a list of three hundred and sixty of +the leaders of the Protestant party, whose lives and fortunes were to be +sacrificed to the rapacity and the pride of this ambitious prelate. Yet +he pronounces the killing of such a dangerous monster to be a most +execrable deed. He dwells with studied exultation on the execution of +Charles I. but if our King really deserved his fate, Was not Beaton by +many degrees more criminal? An author can hardly spend his time worse, +than in writing to flatter the prejudices, and to corrupt the common +sense of the world. + +[117] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[118] _Quere._ What is _unquenchable_ curiosity? and how can a play +excite curiosity which cannot be satisfied by its conclusion? + +[119] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[120] Ibid. + +[121] Weekly Mirror, No. 12. + +[122] Monthly Review, on Dr Graham's Pindaricks. + +[123] Dr Johnson's life of Pope. + +[124] Vide Terence and the Careless Husband. + +[125] Vide Dr Johnson's life of Shenstone. + +[126] Vide Preface to Dr Johnson's octavo Dictionary, 4th edition. + +[127] Vide Measure for measure. + +[128] Vide Dictionary. + +[129] Optics, P. 349. + +[130] Chem. I. P. 399. 614. + +[131] Preface to Folio Dictionary. + +[132] Perhaps he means, in defining _Thunder_, _Plum porridge_, the +particle _But_, &c. + +[133] Letter to the Earl of Chesterfield. + +[134] Preface to folio dictionary. + +[135] Ibid. + +[136] Ibid. + +[137] Ibid. + +[138] It is said that this word is not to be found in any book previous +to the reign of James II. and that it was derived from the Priests who +surrounded him. + +[139] SOLIDITY. '1. Fullness of matter; _not hollowness_. 2. Firmness; +hardness; compactness; _density_;' &c. &c. Dr Johnson's dictionary. +Every page is replete with jargon of this kind. + +[140] Essay, &c. Book II. Chap. iv. Sect. 6. + +[141] History of Manchester, Vol. II. + +[142] Preface to the octavo dictionary. + +[143] Vid. Preface to folio Dictionary. + +[144] Vide Life of Pope. + +[145] Vide Rambler. + +[146] The Booksellers, vide Life of Dryden. + +[147] Vide Dictionary, article WATER. + +[148] Dr Johnson's Dictionary, 4th edition, folio. + +[149] Ibid. + +[150] It is needless to observe, that there is no such coin in +existence. + +[151] Idler, No. 94. + +[152] What string does the Doctor mean? for, besides the optic nerve, +there are six muscles, four straight, and two oblique, and other small +nervous branches. + +[153] It is surprising how some persons acquire the reputation of piety. +The fervour of Dr Johnson's devotion cannot be denied by those who have +seen him rise in the midst of a large company--fall down on his knees +behind his chair, repeat his Pater noster, and then resume his seat. +This is one way to get a character for holiness, and it is an absolute +fact. + +Laud proved his title to the dignity of a saint, by doing all the +mischief that lay in his power. He lighted up the flames of discord +through three kingdoms. They were extinguished in the course of twenty +years, by rivers of blood. + +'Knocking Jack of the North' founded his reputation, by railing at the +damnable sin of fornication, destroying great numbers of fine buildings, +and insulting the person of his Sovereign. His character was completely +detestable, which is evident from the whole tenor of his life and +writings, from his 'Blast against Women,' and above all, from his +insolence to Queen Mary, a Princess the most admired, the most +beautiful, the most injured, and the most unfortunate of her age. + +[154] Preface to Shakespeare. + +[155] Ibid. Dr Johnson on Shakespeare. + +[156] Preface to Folio Dictionary. + +[157] False Alarm. + +[158] Life of Pope. + +[159] Life of Pope. + +[160] Ibid. + +[161] Ibid. + +[162] + + Let Budgell charge low Grubstreet on my quill-- + And write whate'er he please, _except my_ WILL! + + Epistle to Arbuthnot. + +[163] Life of Pope. + +[164] Vide life prefixed to his works. + +[165] Rambler, No. 45. + +[166] Life of Addison. + +[167] Dr Johnson's reputation is raised to such a height, that many +writers do not think their productions can be successful, unless they +have his liberty to acknowledge their obligations to him. This tribute +of gratitude generally occupies a splendid dedication, or the second +paragraph in the author's preface, and we are sometimes reminded in a +marginal note of his particular respect for the Doctor. By a man of +tolerable information, such eulogiums cannot be perused without intense +disgust. But one of these gentlemen has boasted of the Doctor's +approbation of a work, which, had he ever been consulted, he would have +_damned beyond all depth_. Dr Percy has published three volumes of +English ballads, and as an apology for this work, he says in his +preface, that he could refuse nothing to such judges as the late Mr +Shenstone, and--the author of the RAMBLER. Now take notice, that the +very first poem in the collection, and one of the very best in the whole +of it, is Chevy Chace! Dr Percy admires it. Dr Johnson ridicules it in +the roughest terms. What are we to think of this; and what must Dr Percy +feel when he reads the passage just now quoted from his friend? If Dr +Johnson thinks Chevy Chace so insufferably dull, how must he have +sickened in the perusal of many pieces in that collection. + +[168] Fugitive pieces. Vol. II. p. 136. + +[169] Ibid, p. 26. + +[170] Review for August 1782. + +[171] Vide False Alarm. + +[172] Though Dr Johnson has on all occasions expressed the utmost +contempt and aversion for the Scots, yet they have in general been +solicitous to soothe his pride. Dr Smollet says, that 'Johnson, inferior +to none in philosophy, philology, and poetry, stands foremost as an +essayist, justly celebrated for the strength, dignity, and variety of +his stile, &c.' And Beattie affirms, that his dictionary, considered as +the work of one man, is a _most wonderful_ performance! The Doctor's +capital enemies have likewise been Caledonians. The great author of +Lexiphanes was a Scot, and the Rambler is yet smarting under the rough +but irresistible _remarks_ of a Highland reviewer. + +Our ingenious advocate for the second sight (vid. Tour) has long been +duped by a succession of rascals. Lawder persuaded him to believe, that +Paradise Lost was compiled from scraps of modern Latin poetry; his +pamphlet bears strong internal evidence that part of it at least (as has +been long alledged) is the production of the Doctor's pen. Compare in +particular the preface with such attempts in prose as we know to be +Lawder's own. Vide Gentleman's Magazine. + +Mr Shaw has of late renewed his _enquiries_. They are only to be +regarded as the desperate ravings of a man who believes that, in +consequence of the _new light_, his moral and his literary character +have sunk together into final perdition; that his name, like Lawder's, +will be remembered only to his infamy, and _that_ Dr Johnson himself +despises and abhors him. Do you think me too severe on the Doctor's +infirmities? Can you forgive his injustice to the memory of his +benefactors--his political duplicity--his thirst for blood--his +inveterate antipathy to the most sacred rights of mankind? + +Dr Johnson says, that one of the lowest of all human beings is a +Commissioner of Excise. This can hardly be the case, unless himself or +his reverend friend Mr Shaw shall arrive at that dignity. But in the +meantime, there is a Commissioner of Excise, or Customs, (no matter +which) who in the scale of human beings is not much _lower_ than +Lexiphanes himself. This couple stand in the most striking contrast: and +to draw the character of the first is to write an oblique but most +severe censure on the character of the second. Dr Smith's language is a +luscious and pure specimen of strength, elegance, precision, and +simplicity. His _Enquiry into the nature and causes of the wealth of +nations_ deserves to be studied by every member of the community, as one +of the most accurate, profound, and persuasive books that ever was +written. In _that_ performance he displays an intimate and extensive +knowledge of mankind, in every department of life, from the cabinet to +the cottage; a supreme contempt of national prejudice, and a fearless +attachment to liberty, to justice, and to truth. His work is admired as +a mass of excellence, a condensation of reasonings, the most various, +important, original, and just. + + + * * * * * + + + + +William Andrews Clark Memorial Library: University of California, +Los Angeles + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +2520 CIMARRON STREET, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90018 + +_General Editors_: William E. Conway, William Andrews Clark Memorial +Library; George Robert Guffey, University of California, Los Angeles: +Maximillian E. Novak, University of California, Los Angeles + +_Corresponding Secretary_: Mrs. Edna C. Davis, William Andrews Clark +Memorial Library + + +The Society's purpose is to publish rare Restoration and +eighteenth-century works (usually as facsimile reproductions). All +income of the Society is devoted to defraying costs of publication and +mailing. + +Correspondence concerning memberships in the United States and Canada +should be addressed to the Corresponding Secretary at the William +Andrews Clark Memorial Library, 2520 Cimarron Street, Los Angeles, +California. Correspondence concerning editorial matters may be addressed +to the General Editors at the same address. Manuscripts of introductions +should conform to the recommendations of the MLA _Style Sheet_. The +membership fee is $5.00 a year in the United States and Canada and +£1.19.6 in Great Britain and Europe. British and European prospective +members should address B. H. Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England. +Copies of back issues in print may be obtained from the Corresponding +Secretary. + +Publications of the first fifteen years of the Society (numbers 1-90) +are available in paperbound units of six issues at $16.00 per unit, from +the Kraus Reprint Company, 16 East 46th Street, New York, N.Y. 10017. + + +Make check or money order payable to THE REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF +CALIFORNIA + + + + +REGULAR PUBLICATIONS FOR 1970-1971 + + + 145-146. Thomas Shelton, _A Tutor to Tachygraphy, or, + Short-writing_, 1642, and _Tachygraphy_, 1647. Introduction + by William Matthews. + + 147-148. _Deformities of Dr. Samuel Johnson_, 1782. + Introduction by Gwin J. Kolb and J. E. Congleton. + + 149. _POETA DE TRISTIBUS: or, the Poet's Complaint_, 1682. + Introduction by Harold Love. + + 150. Gerard Langbaine, _Momus Triumphans: or, the Plagiaries of + the English Stage_ [_A New Catalogue of English Plays_], 1687. + Introduction by David Rodes. + + +Members of the Society will receive copies of Clark Library seminar +papers. + + + + +SPECIAL PUBLICATION FOR 1969-1970-1971 + + + Gerard Langbaine, _An Account of the English Dramatick Poets_ + (1691), Introduction by John Loftis. 2 Volumes. Approximately + 600 pages. Price to members of the Society, $7.00 for the first + copy (both volumes), and $8.50 for additional copies. Price to + non-members, $10.00. + + +Already published in this series: + + 1. John Ogilby, _The Fables of Aesop Paraphras'd in Verse_ + (1668), with an Introduction by Earl Miner. 228 pages. + + 2. John Gay, _Fables_ (1727, 1738), with an Introduction by + Vinton A. Dearing. 366 pages. + + 3. _The Empress of Morocco and Its Critics_ (Elkanah Settle, + _The Empress of Morocco_ [1673] with five plates; _Notes and + Observations on the Empress of Morocco_ [1674] by John Dryden, + John Crowne and Thomas Shadwell; _Notes and Observations on the + Empress of Morocco Revised_ [1674] by Elkanah Settle; and _The + Empress of Morocco. A Farce_ [1674] by Thomas Duffett), with an + Introduction by Maximillian E. Novak. 348 pages. + + 4. _After THE TEMPEST_ (the Dryden-Davenant version of _The + Tempest_ [1670]; the "operatic" _Tempest_ [1674]; Thomas + Duffett's _Mock-Tempest_ [1675]; and the "Garrick" _Tempest_ + [1756]), with an Introduction by George Robert Guffey. 332 + pages. + + +Price to members of the Society, $3.50 for the first copy of each title, +and $4.25 for additional copies. Price to non-members, $5.00. Standing +orders for this continuing series of Special Publications will be +accepted. British and European orders should be addressed to B. H. +Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England. + + + + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +PUBLICATIONS IN PRINT + + +1948-1949 + + 16. Henry Nevil Payne, _The Fatal Jealousie_ (1673). + + 18. Anonymous, "Of Genius," in _The Occasional Paper_, Vol. III, + No. 10 (1719), and Aaron Hill, Preface to _The Creation_ (1720). + + +1949-1950 + + 19. Susanna Centlivre, _The Busie Body_ (1709). + + 20. Lewis Theobald, _Preface to the Works of Shakespeare_ (1734). + + 22. Samuel Johnson, _The Vanity of Human Wishes_ (1749), and two + _Rambler_ papers (1750). + + 23. John Dryden, _His Majesties Declaration Defended_ (1681). + + +1951-1952 + + 26. Charles Macklin, _The Man of the World_ (1792). + + 31. Thomas Gray, _An Elegy Wrote in a Country Churchyard_ (1751). + and _The Eton College Manuscript_. + + +1952-1953 + + 41. Bernard Mandeville, _A Letter to Dion_ (1732). + + +1963-1964 + + 104. Thomas D'Urfey, _Wonders in the Sun; or, The Kingdom of the + Birds_ (1706). + + +1964-1965 + + 110. John Tutchin, _Selected Poems_ (1685-1700). + + 111. Anonymous, _Political Justice_ (1736). + + 112. Robert Dodsley, _An Essay on Fable_ (1764). + + 113. T. R., _An Essay Concerning Critical and Curious Learning_ + (1698). + + 114. _Two Poems Against Pope_: Leonard Welsted, _One Epistle to + Mr. A. Pope_ (1730), and Anonymous, _The Blatant Beast_ (1742). + + +1965-1966 + + 115. Daniel Defoe and others, _Accounts of the Apparition of + Mrs. Veal_. + + 116. Charles Macklin, _The Covent Garden Theatre_ (1752). + + 117. Sir Roger L'Estrange, _Citt and Bumpkin_ (1680). + + 118. Henry More, _Enthusiasmus Triumphatus_ (1662). + + 119. Thomas Traherne, _Meditations on the Six Days of the + Creation_ (1717). + + 120. Bernard Mandeville, _Aesop Dress'd or a Collection of + Fables_ (1704). + + +1966-1967 + + 123. Edmond Malone, _Cursory Observations on the Poems + Attributed to Mr. Thomas Rowley_ (1782). + + 124. Anonymous, _The Female Wits_ (1704). + + 125. Anonymous, _The Scribleriad_ (1742). Lord Hervey, _The + Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue_ (1742). + + +1967-1968 + + 129. Lawrence Echard, Prefaces to _Terence's Comedies_ (1694) and + _Plautus's Comedies_ (1694). + + 130. Henry More, _Democritus Platonissans_ (1646). + + 132. Walter Harte, _An Essay on Satire, Particularly on the + Dunciad_ (1730). + + +1968-1969 + + 133. John Courtenay, _A Poetical Review of the Literary and Moral + Character of the Late Samuel Johnson_ (1786). + + 134. John Downes, _Roscius Anglicanus_ (1708). + + 135. Sir John Hill, _Hypochondriasis, a Practical Treatise_ + (1766). + + 136. Thomas Sheridan, _Discourse ... Being Introductory to His + Course of Lectures on Elocution and the English Language_ (1759). + + 137. Arthur Murphy, _The Englishman From Paris_ (1736). + + 138. [Catherine Trotter], _Olinda's Adventures_ (1718). + + +1969-1970 + + 139. John Ogilvie, _An Essay on the Lyric Poetry of the Ancients_ + (1762). + + 140. _A Learned Dissertation on Dumpling_ (1726) and _Pudding + Burnt to Pot or a Compleat Key to the Dissertation on Dumpling_ + (1727). + + 141. Selections from Sir Roger L'Estrange's _Observator_ + (1681-1687). + + 142. Anthony Collins, _A Discourse Concerning Ridicule and Irony + in Writing_ (1729). + + 143. _A Letter From A Clergyman to His Friend, With An Account of + the Travels of Captain Lemuel Gulliver_ (1726). + + 144. _The Art of Architecture, A Poem. In Imitation of Horace's + Art of Poetry_ (1742). + + +Publications of the first fifteen years of the Society (numbers 1-90) +are available in paperbound units of six issues at $16.00 per unit, from +the Kraus Reprint Company, 16 East 46th Street, New York, N.Y. 10017. + +Publications in print are available at the regular membership rate of +$8.00 yearly. Prices of single issues may be obtained upon request. +Subsequent publications may be checked in the annual prospectus. + + + * * * * * + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES: + +The text indicated quotes by repeating the open quote character on each +new line. This has not been followed in this transcription. + +The text used the 'long s', as is common pre-1800. This has been +converted to a standard 's'. + +The text used an 'oe' ligature for several words, which has been changed +to 'oe' in the text edition: + + [oe]conomy + [oe]gnimatical + Gonnorh[oe]a + +The following misprints have been corrected in the text: + + Page iii "ignominious end". 'ignominous' in page image. + Page 14. "_False Alarm_". Initial F not italicised in page image. + Page 24. "'The design". Initial quote doubled in page image. + Page 35. "a specimen". 'speimen' in page image. + Page 36. "procure it.'" Removed extra end quote. + Page 48. "_a parte post_". 'a' not italisised in page image. + Page 49. "that ingredient". 'ingre-(newline)gredient' on page. + Page 51. "his only difficulty". 'difficuly' in page image. + Page 53. "Pissburnt". On page 'Piss-(newline)burnt' + Page 72. "(for I dare". Open bracked missing in page image. + Page 75. "for he". Printed as 'forhe'. + Page 80. "Brothelhouse". On page 'brothel-(newline)house' + Page 86. "or blood-thirsty". '-' unclear in page image. + +Missing singlequote has been added at the end as indicated below: + + Page 17. "these: 'They'" + Page 24. footnote. "_these reasons_,'" + Page 27. "have seen;'" + Page 36. "a poet.'" + Page 40. "fine sleeves;'" + Page 53. "animal water. _Pope._'" + Page 70. "say less'" + Page 78. "or write;'" + Page 78. "heavy ship;'" + +In addition, missing period has been added as shown below: + + Page 12. "too old to learn." + Page 13. "the victory. _Cibber_" + Page 22 footnote. "Ibid, p. 55." + Page 54. "divert school boys." + Page 54. "_s._ Fiddlefaddle" + Page 55. "Yet, _ad._" + Page 68. "hope and fear." + Page 74. "_Dryden._' Whoredom" + Page 74. "piece of bread." + Page 75. "consisting of three.'" + Page 75 footnote. "in existence." + +The alphabetical list on pages 71-72 has several entries out of order. +The order has been kept from the text, rather than corrected. + +On page 73 there is a footnote, "Vide Rambler.", with no footnote marker +on the page. This footnote has been placed where it is in the first +edition. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Deformities of Samuel Johnson, +Selected from his Works, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEFORMITIES OF SAMUEL *** + +***** This file should be named 37764-8.txt or 37764-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/7/6/37764/ + +Produced by Jon Ingram, Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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